What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Maxie and Lucy, accompanied by Scotty, go to Home & Heart, where Morgan Fairchild Haven welcomes back the ladies of Deception, now that those issues with The Deceptor are behind them. Rumor has it, there was a problem with intellectual property theft. They can trust her with insider 411. Was that the real issue? Lucy says, everything is super dandy with Deception. There’s absolutely really no issue. Haven says, that’s great, but where is their spokesmodel? And please don’t tell her that she’s in the bathroom powdering her nose. Which is actually kind of funny, but Lucy says, Haven can take her not-so-clever innuendo and shove it up her nose, which is even funnier. Sasha is fine and wonderful and back to her glorious, gorgeous self. Does Lucy have to remind Haven that Home & Heart called begging them to come and do another sales shoot for The Deceptor? Haven says, they may have called Lucy’s office once or twice, and Lucy laughs. She says, just to let Haven know, they’ve brought their lawyer in case she pulls any of her ridiculous shenanigans.

Meeting Austin in a stairwell, Cyrus says, Austin is positively radiating stress. This is not a healthy way to live his life. Austin says, he’s late, and Cyrus says, trust him. The Lord is the way to inner peace. Austin says he doesn’t understand why they had to meet at all, or why they had to meet in public. Cyrus says, calm down. He brings Austin tidings of great joy.

Curtis is sitting in the ohm position, when Marshall comes in. Marshall says, sorry to interrupt. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Curtis was meditating. Curtis says, trying to, and Marshall says, since when? Curtis says he’s just trying things out, and Marshall asks if it’s helping.

At the MetroCourt with Alexis, Diane says she’ll have an Arnold Palmer, and spike it with some bourbon. She asks if Alexis is okay with that, and Alexis says, spike away. Diane says, it’s been a grueling couple of days, and Alexis says she’ll also have an Arnold Palmer, hold the spike. The server leaves, and Alexis says she’s also had a grueling couple of days. So who needs to go first in talking about their misery? Diane says, rock-paper-scissors? and Alexis agrees. Alexis stares at something, and Diane says she’s lost Alexis already. They both watch Molly greeting Kristina, and Diane says, will you look at that. Alexis says she is looking at that, and to see her girls reconnect makes her week a little less bleak.

Andrea sees TJ at the hospital and says she’s glad he’s here. He asks how she’s feeling, and she asks if there’s somewhere they can talk privately. He suggests they go in one of the exam rooms, and she says she’s sorry to bother him at work. He says, it’s not a problem, and she says she knows how busy he is. She should have called. He says, it’s fine, really, and they go into the exam room. He says, tell him what’s going on. She seems a little upset. She says she is. It’s about the baby.

Diane says, so Molly and Kristina have mended fences? and Alexis says, finally. Now she gets to stop refereeing and be mom again. Diane says, don’t keep her in suspense; how did it happen? Alexis says she thinks the biggest thing is that Molly’s surrogate Andrea is almost through her first trimester. Diane says, that’s wonderful, and a great reason to broker a truce. Alexis says, at least for now. Those two have always been a little scratchy with each other on occasion, and she’s not sure this will be the last one, but Diane knows how sisters are.

Molly says she took a look at the contract, and put some notes on Post-Its, but she’s going to email Kristina more details. Kristina thanks her so much. She’s been doing some research online, but it’s so nice to have an actual attorney double-check everything. Molly says she’s happy to help. What are sisters for?

TJ says he’ll call Molly. If Andrea has an update about the baby, she should be part of this. Andrea says she’s so sorry. She lost the baby. She woke up from a sound sleep last night with cramping. It was so sudden, she knew something was wrong, but she didn’t even have time to get to the ER. He asks if she’s sure. Maybe it was just bad cramps. She says she was bleeding heavily. She went to the nearest hospital this morning. The doctor did bloodwork and an ultrasound, and they confirmed it. She miscarried. She lost the baby.

Marshall asks if it’s helping, but Curtis doesn’t know if he can answer that accurately because meditation is still so new to him. But from everything he’s read, they call it a practice for a reason because you really have to commit to it. And you have to stay consistent, and you have to calm your mind so you can let things go. Marshall tells him, easier said than done, and Curtis says he’s struggling to quiet his mind. He has to stop making everything so important, the day-to-day stuff he thought mattered. It’s counterintuitive for him because he’s a man who makes goals and achieves them, but with meditation he’s learned the more you push, the further away you are from achieving your inner silence or detachment. Marshall says, but he’s sticking with it, because it must be helping him somehow or he thinks it will. Curtis says, there are times he thinks he’s got it. He feels a sense of focus and calmness where he feels tied in. Marshall says, it sounds like the way he feels when he’s playing with his band and gets to improvise a solo on his clarinet. Diddlee-de-bop, shu-bop shebang. Right? You’re not focusing, you’re feeling. Curtis tells him, that’s it exactly. But he must say… don’t worry. He’s not going to ask Marshall to join meditation with him. He wouldn’t do that to Marshall. Marshall says he’s been meditating for years. Yeah, I tried and failed with that. Emptying my mind is not an option.

Cyrus says he thought Austin would be interested to know that his cousin Mason will be making a plea deal soon. Austin says, Mason already told him. He’s going to tell the cops it was Austin’s idea to kidnap Ava. Cyrus says, oh ye of little faith. His plan is to admit to being the only person responsible for the kidnapping of Ava Jerome. Of course (🍷) he intends to claim he had no intention of killing her. Austin says, he had every intention of killing Ava, and Cyrus says, still, Mason’s attorney firmly believes that he’ll be sentenced to no more than twenty years, with the possibility of parole after ten. Austin says, ten years is a long time. He thinks it would be a lot easier for Mason to turn him in, doesn’t Cyrus think? but Cyrus says he guesses his faith in God gives him more belief in people, because Mason has sworn to him that he won’t mention Austin’s name, and he trusts him. Which means Austin will be in the clear. Austin says, good, because Detective Falconari’s been asking a lot of questions, and he needs Cyrus to get Dante off his back. This is great. Thanks for the update. He starts to leave, but Cyrus asks if he said they were done.

Lucy pushes Scotty toward Haven, and he says he’s a big fan. Maybe he can get an autograph later, but they need to talk about that dirty trick she played on Sasha Gilmore, trying to get her to have a meltdown on her show to goose up those ratings. They can’t let that happen again. No kids untethered, no babies yelling, none of that stuff. Otherwise, he will slap a lawsuit on her that will make her head spin. Does she understand that? Haven says, oh yes. But she has to tell him that she can’t be held responsible for the bad behavior of a previous producer who went rogue on her. He says, but producers take their cue from the fifth floor, which is her, and she says, that producer is gone. They worked alone and they’ve since been fired. Right, Julie? Julie (who was there) says, yes, Miss DeHavilland, and Haven thanks her. Lucy makes hand gestures at Scotty, and he says, so anyway, no funny business. Otherwise, he’ll have to slap a lawsuit on her, and he’ll argue emotional damage. Lucy says, and by the way, Mr. Baldwin here is known throughout courthouses everywhere for being king of punitive damages. Haven says, what happened when Sasha was here for her last appearance was a minor glitch, which they’re obviously trying to grossly exaggerate. But it is a glitch that won’t be repeated. Of course (🍷) this is all a moot point if their spokesmodel doesn’t show up. Lucy asks Maxie to please let Sasha know they’re ready for her, but Maxie is transfixed by her phone. Lucy asks again, and Maxie says, right. Just one second. She sends a text, and Lucy asks, what’s wrong with her? Maxie says, just a minor hiccup. She’s handling it.

Curtis asks how he’s just learning about this now. How come Marshall never told him that he meditates? Marshall says he guesses it just never came up, and Curtis asks how he started meditating. Marshall says, a fellow musician told him it’s a great way to promote focus and creativity, so he tried it. He really hoped it would help keep him grounded; hold off another schizophrenic episode. Of course (🍷) now he knows he was misdiagnosed. He was never at risk for schizophrenia, but all that being said, he can’t tell Curtis how grateful he is for what meditation has brought into his life. So much in life is just clutter. Thinking things are important when they really aren’t. So he found it can be great to be in the moment. Bizzy-be-bop-boop, all of that. In the moment can be okay, but so can just stepping back and listening to the quiet. Curtis asks why Marshall never recommended it before, and Marshall says he figured after Curtis was shot… after he was injured, he was being inundated with advice from all sides. Marshall didn’t think Curtis needed another voice from him thrown into the mix. And besides, he’d always hoped Curtis would find meditation on his own, and he’s so glad Curtis did.

Diane’s scissors cut Alexis’s paper, and Alexis says, all right. Diane goes first. What was so grueling that she had to spike her Arnold Palmer? Diane says, grueling isn’t the right word; it’s a little overdramatic. It’s not about work. It’s personal. Alexis says, it’s about DA Scorpio, is it? What’s the problem? Diane says, it just seems like every time she and Robert are cruising down the highway, a blast from his past comes to run them off the road.

TJ says he’s sure Andrea didn’t do anything wrong. There could be a number of causes for the miscarriage. Did she tell Molly yet? Andrea says, no. She just couldn’t. TJ says, that’s okay. He should probably be the one to tell her. Just concentrate on healing. She’s been through a traumatic experience. He’s so sorry. Talk to her OB/GYN. They’ll wait for her to fully recover before they try again. Andrea says she’s sorry. She can’t. She can’t go through this again.

Kristina says, once this round of paperwork has been filed, renovations can actually begin, and Molly says, that’s great. Does she have a target date for the center to open? Kristina says, if everything stays on schedule, June of 2024. That’s what she’s pushing for. Molly says, by June, she and TJ will be able to bring their baby to her dedication ceremony.

Maxie says, here is their spokesmodel, and Sasha comes out, saying hi to everyone. Haven says, it’s so good to have her back at the Home & Heart studio again, and Sasha says, just so they’re clear, she’s here to promote Deception’s product. She’s not here to have her past exploited. Haven says, they’ve been all over that, and she can assure Sasha there will be no glitches or technical difficulties today. Sasha says she sure hopes not. And while Lucy and Scotty are representing the company, she speaks on her own behalf, and she promises she’ll be professional as long as Haven does the same. Otherwise, she will walk off the set.

On the phone backstage, Maxie says, do you ever answer your phone? She’s been sending text messages for hours… Never mind. She doesn’t care. Listen to what she’s about to tell them. These instructions are very important.

Cyrus says, it is only because of his goodwill that Austin is free, but Austin says he had nothing to do with Ava’s kidnapping and Cyrus knows it. He’s the victim here, and Cyrus knows that too. Cyrus knows it, and he can only hope to God that Mason knows it. Cyrus asks if Austin really sees himself as a victim, and Austin says, Mason grabbed Ava and Cyrus forced him to testify on his behalf to get his early release from Pentenville, and he did that. The only reason he did that was to save Ava. Cyrus says, Austin really disappoints him. After everything he’s done for Austin, he expected more gratitude. Cyrus walks away from Austin.

Finished with makeup, Haven says, let her walk Sasha through the show, and they go to the set. Scotty tosses an apple in the air, and Lucy grabs it. He says he hopes there are some shenanigans, because this lawsuit would file itself. This is what we call easy money. She shushes him, and says, bite his tongue. For Sasha’s sake and the sake of Deception, they have to hope this whole relaunch of The Deceptor goes off without a hitch.

Cody comes to the studio and asks Maxie, what’s the big emergency? He was just in the middle of having a horse shod. She says, a horse what? and he says, shod. Fitting a horse for shoes. How does she, of all people, not know what that means? She tells him, focus. They’re in the middle of relaunching The Deceptor. He asks if she means that funky wand thing you wave in your face, and she just looks at him.

Haven asks if Sasha is ready, but Maxie says, not yet, bringing Cody onto the set. She says, Sasha will be relaunching The Deceptor with the new male Face of Deception. Haven and Sasha both say, what?

Alexis asks if Holly Sutton is back in town, but Diane says, not Holly. Another one of Robert’s exes, Anna Devane. Alexis asks if Diane read the article in The Invader, and Diane says she did. She knows all about the shooting of a 15-year-old girl. Even though there were no names mentioned, she knows Anna Devane shot Charlotte Cassadine. Of course (🍷) all her concern and sympathy is with Charlotte. How is she doing by the way? Alexis says, from what she understands, Charlotte is on track to make a full recovery, and Diane says, excellent. She has tremendous compassion also for Anna. She thought she was shooting an intruder in her home, and the intruder turns out to be a 15-year-old girl. She can’t even imagine what Anna is going through. So she absolutely understands why Robert wants to support her during this very difficult time. Alexis says, but once again, Robert is focused on some woman from his past and not Diane, and that hurts her feelings.

Kristina tells Molly, June of 2024 is less than a year away. She’ll be running her center and Molly will have a baby. Those are huge life changes. Molly says she knows, and honestly, she can’t wait. Can she tell Kristina a secret? She’s even started thinking about leaving her job at the DA’s office. Kristina says, wait, she loves her job, and Molly says she knows, but it’s so demanding. It just makes sense. She can’t be working an 80-hour week with a newborn. She’ll need to find a less demanding job to spend time with the baby. Kristina says, those are words she never thought she’d hear coming out of Molly’s mouth.

Curtis asks if Marshall has ever received an answer from his meditation, clarity on something he’s struggling with? Marshall says, as a matter of fact, he has. Curtis says, do tell, and Marshall says, all the years he was away from the family, he never stopped missing them. So one day when he was meditating, this certain image dropped into his head. It was Curtis and his brother Tommy, playing in that park across the street from the old house. He knows just his brain went there, but it was clear. It was so clear, he could feel the sun shining on him. He could smell the grass. And Curtis and his brother – he tears up – were laughing and having a good old time. He knew at that moment he’d seen his family again, and that’s what brought him back to Port Charles. That’s what brought him back to Curtis, and Stella, and TJ, and now Trina. Curtis says he doesn’t know whether to thank meditation for giving Marshall that memory or thank Marshall for having the courage to come back to his family. But either way, he’s so glad Marshall is back.

TJ knocks at Portia’s office door and asks if she has a minute. She asks if everything is all right, but he says, no, everything is not all right. She tells him, have a seat, and they sit down. She asks, what’s going on? and he says, Andrea… She says, their surrogate, and he says, she miscarried. Portia says, no, and he says, she told him it happened last night. She started cramping and was bleeding. She went to Mercy, and they told her that she lost their baby. She lost his and Molly’s baby. Andrea was so upset, she said she couldn’t face Molly, and now it’s on him to tell her, but he doesn’t know how to do that. Molly was so upset when she found out she couldn’t carry a child herself, and when they found Andrea, they had so much hope. With tears in his voice, he asks her to tell him how he’s supposed to tell Molly. How is he supposed to tell her their child is gone?

Haven says, he is the male Face of Deception? and laughs. Absolutely not. This guy threatened to drop trou and streak on a live broadcast. Maxie says, first of all, Cody didn’t actually streak on her show; and second, isn’t The Deceptor the most popular product Home & Heart ever carried? Haven says, Maxie would have to verify that with her sales department, but Maxie says she already has. She can show Haven a copy of her sales report any time she wants. The reality is, The Deceptor has been unavailable for months, and now that it’s back, people are clamoring to get it. So Haven can either do her broadcast the way she and Lucy want, or they’re taking their bestselling product to another shopping channel.

On the air, Sasha says, in the past, The Deceptor has been marketed specifically as a product for women, but we did more thorough research and it turns out that men are just as interested in a product that will freshen up their face. Haven says, so all you men out there watching, this segment is for you, and Sasha says, yes. And she’s going to demonstrate on her good friend and former stuntman Cody Bell. She asks Cody to tell them about some of the stunts he’s done in his career, and he says he’d be happy to. He’s crashed cars, he’s jumped out of airplanes, he’s crashed motorcycles. Basically, if there was anything to break, he’s done it. Sasha says, wow. It sounds like his body really takes a beating. She bets his skin does too, and that’s where The Deceptor comes in. Because even for men who have never used a moisturizer a single day in their lives, this product will help smooth out your skin and get rid of all those fine little lines. Cody says, well, if The Deceptor can help with this beat up mug, it truly is a miracle worker. Sasha suggests they put it to the test, and Cody says, let’s do it. He sits down, and Sasha uses the red-light wand on him.

Cyrus says he guesses it’s time for them to take a trip down Memory Lane, but Austin says, that’s not necessary. Cyrus says, Austin seems to have forgotten he paid for him to go to medical school – Austin says, no – and how he continued to support Austin during his residency. Austin says he hasn’t forgotten, and Cyrus says he’s invested in Austin, and now he expects a return on that investment. Austin says, as long as they’re remembering things, this is how he remembers it. He’s spent years paying Cyrus back, doing him favors. The way he remembers it, when he lied for Cyrus at his parole hearing, Cyrus told him that he was free. Cyrus says, and so he is. Free to live his life. Free to practice medicine. Unless and until he needs Austin’s services.

TJ tells Portia, in the beginning, he had misgivings about the whole surrogacy situation. It’s a lot to process, and he felt like they rushed into the whole thing. They found out Molly couldn’t carry a child and jumped on the first solution. Then Andrea got pregnant, and that baby felt so real to him. All of his misgivings went away, all of them. He was so invested in his child. He imagined himself just holding his baby. Portia says she knows that Molly imagined the same thing, so she’s going to be just as devastated as he is. And he’s got to be the one she hears it from. She knows how difficult this thing is, but she knows he and Molly can get through it because they have each other. Take it from her. Don’t let this loss build a wall between him and Molly.

Molly tells Kristina that she knows she’s always been laser focused on her career. For as long as she can remember, she knew she wanted to be a lawyer. Kristina says, because mom was a lawyer, and Molly says, that was the original inspiration. As she got older, the more she learned, the more the law challenged her. It inspired her. But now with Andrea pregnant with their baby, things are different. It’s all about trade-offs. If she were to give herself fully to the law, she’d be neglecting TJ and the baby. She’s not willing to do that. Kristina asks what she’s going to do.

Diane tells Alexis that she hears herself saying all of this, and realizes it’s an ironic conundrum. Alexis asks how she means, and Diane says, if Robert Scorpio were the kind of man who could distance himself from the kind of troubles Anna Devane is going through – even though admittedly, the shooting is her problem to solve – then he wouldn’t be the kind of man Diane is attracted to. It’s precisely because he’s so loyal and principled and ridiculously stubborn that she finds him so compelling.

Portia comes home and gives Curtis a kiss. She asks, how was his day? and he says he just had the most enlightening and interesting conversation with his dad. As it turns out, they’re both into meditation. Portia says, really? She guesses that does fit in to Marshall’s laid-back personality, but is Curtis finding it helpful? He says he is, very much. When he starts thinking negative thoughts, it helps him stay calm and centered. She says she’s glad to hear that, and sits down. He asks if everything is okay, and she says she got some news today. He says, judging from her expression, it must not have been good news, and she says, sometimes when something bad happens, it makes you think of all the good things that are going on in your life. He asks if something happened with one of her patients, but she says, no. She just wanted to thank him for their daughter. They made that beautiful little girl together and they’re so lucky. She’s just grateful for every day they’ve spent with her.

Molly tells Kristina that she never realized how much she wanted children until she was told she wasn’t physically able to have them. It just put everything in perspective. So when Andrea told them she was pregnant, she knew her daughter or son would become her first priority and work would have to come second. Kristina says, Molly’s son or daughter is going to be the luckiest to have her as a mom, and Molly thanks her. She says, but the baby’s not coming for months, and she has to turn in a motion by Friday, so she’d better take off. They both gather up their stuff and leave.

Alexis asks what Diane is going to do about all this. Alexis knows her. When she identifies a problem, she always finds a solution. Diane says she’s doing it. She’s sitting here working it out with her best friend. Yes, what’s happening to Anna is very serious. So of course (🍷) she’s going to be understanding that Robert wants to be there for her. She also has to remember a lot has happened. Things have changed since she and Robert had their blow-up last summer. Alexis asks, how so? and Diane says, Holly and Anna are in the past and she knows Robert is making her a priority. So that of course (🍷) gives them tremendous potential for the future. It’s difficult what’s going on with Anna, but it is just a detour on the highway of love, and it is not a dead end. Alexis says she’s going to have to stop Diane right here. What is with all the driving metaphors?

Haven asks how Cody’s face feels, and he says, it actually feels great. But he’s not so sure he could do this at home by himself. Sasha makes it look so easy. Sasha promises him, anyone can do this, because The Deceptor is doing all the work. And she has to say, it’s really making his skin look fresh. Lucy says, Cody and Sasha together are golden. You can’t force that kind of chemistry. People want to feel that it’s real, and when it happens, that’s money. Deception is going to make so much money.

Austin says he doesn’t understand. He thought Cyrus was a reformed man. He thought Cyrus was a man of God. Cyrus says, that, he is, and Austin says, then why not live up to his end of the bargain, because they had a deal. He did what Cyrus said. He did what Cyrus told him to do. Cyrus said he needed someone to testify on his behalf at his parole hearing to tell the judge he wasn’t a risk, that he couldn’t possibly hurt anyone. And that’s what he did. He lied to a judge under oath, and he did that so Cyrus could walk around a free man. Here Cyrus is. And he doesn’t know what Cyrus wants from him. Cyrus shrugs and says, life is full of unexpected consequences. One never knows when one may need the services of a doctor, and how fortunate for him to have Austin in his corner. Austin says, Cyrus doesn’t own him. He’s going to pay Cyrus back every penny he laid out for him to go to med school. Cyrus says he doesn’t want Austin’s money, and Austin asks, what does Cyrus want from him? Cyrus says he gave Austin the very life he’s living. He wants Austin’s gratitude and his loyalty. And if he can’t supply those, he can deal with his cousin Mason by himself. Be very careful. It’s only his intervention that’s preventing Mason from naming Austin as the mastermind behind Ava Jerome’s kidnapping. Austin tells him that he already said that, and Cyrus says, as well as a number of other crimes that happened around the hospital last summer. Like the death of Gordon Stevens. Austin says he didn’t kill Gordon Stevens, but Cyrus says he doesn’t know. The police might come into possession of some evidence that indicates otherwise. That all depends on Austin and whether or not he fully understands the concept of gratitude. Austin says, okay. He’ll do it. Cyrus says, he’ll do what? and Austin says, whatever it is Cyrus wants him to do, he’ll do it. Cyrus says, that is so generous of him, thanks him, and goes down the stairs.

Curtis says, despite all the obstacles he and Portia made for each other and the years apart, they came back together as a family. She says she couldn’t agree more, and he asks if she wants to tell him what prompted this philosophical discussion. She says she just had a shift in perspective, and she realizes how different… no. She’s realized how empty her life would be if she didn’t have Trina in it. But they did, and for that she’s just so grateful. He says, that makes two of them, and she kisses him, snuggling in his arms.

Diane signs for the check, and Alexis thanks her for dinner. Diane thanks Alexis for lending a sympathetic ear, and Alexis says, Diane has listened to her a gazillion times. That’s what besties do. Diane says she knows, but it’s been a while since she’s had a romantic problem to solve. Alexis asks if she now has an answer, and Diane says she does, and thanks Alexis. Her phone rings, and she says, speak of the devil. Alexis says, take it because she’s got to get back to work. She leaves, and Diane asks if Robert’s ears were on fire. She was just talking about him.

Alexis heads for the elevator, but when she sees the server clearing Molly and Kristina’s table, she says, excuse me. Her daughters were having lunch here and one of them left a tablet. She’d be happy to return it. The server gives it to her and she leaves.

Molly’s phone rings while she’s working in her office, and she says, TJ. Bad news. He says, what’s wrong? and she says she met up with Kristina earlier at the MetroCourt to give her some advice on a contract, so she thinks she’s going to have to stay a little late at the office tonight. She guesses she won’t be able to do that next year when the baby’s here. He says, they need to talk right away, but she says she’s only talking about working another hour or two. He says, please. It’s important. He needs her to meet him at home.

Lucy says she thinks the shoot went really well. Didn’t Haven? Haven says, that’s putting it mildly. She’s never seen a product sell out so fast. Scotty says, that’s because Lucy does know what she’s doing, and Lucy thanks him. Haven says, yes, and they’re very eager to have Cody and Sasha come back and make another appearance. Lucy asks if she’s actually admitting she was wrong about them, and Haven says, honey, the numbers don’t lie. The audience really seemed to love them. They can’t wait to have them back. Lucy says, oh honey, I just don’t know. I’ll have to check my calendar and I will get back to you.

Julie tells Cody that he did great, and he thanks her. She says she thinks he even impressed Haven, and that’s nearly impossible to do. He laughs.

Maxie tells Sasha, that was so fantastic. It was the best sales pitch she’s ever seen. She and Cody were so natural together. They were dynamite. Cody listens in, and Sasha thanks Maxie, but says she can’t do this. Maxie says, do what exactly? and Sasha says she can’t work with Cody anymore. Maxie says, why not? and Sasha says, isn’t it obvious? She has feelings for him. Cody almost smiles and looks confused.

Tomorrow, Anna tells Sonny that she thinks Valentin keeping silent just destroyed them; Dante says, Sam might be on to something; Adam says, Josslyn helped him a lot in ways she doesn’t even know; and Ava wants to know why someone didn’t tell her.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Dorit calls PK and shows him the pool. She says she and Kyle are having lunch, and she shows him his dream TV screen. She tells him about the Magic Mike debacle and says Sutton had an overreaction. In Dorit’s interview, she says, Magic Mike is a huge show. To have a friend cause a scene there is mortifying. She asks how dinner with Mauricio was, and PK says, they had a great dinner. We see a clip of that, and PK saying that nobody who’s married doesn’t go through sh*t. Mauricio says he has no interest in fighting. As far as he’s concerned, his wife is always right. PK tells Dorit that they enjoyed catching up. Kyle calls Mauricio and says she heard he had dinner with PK. How was it? Mauricio says, they had a good time, and she asks him to give her the girl version. He says, PK was talking about what’s going on with him and Dorit. The year’s been kind of hard. Sutton and Garcelle leave for lunch, and so do Erika and Crystal. Erika tells Crystal to do what she wants. They’re in Vegas and the rules don’t really apply. They go to a restaurant, and Crystal says, everyone was having a good time last night except for Sutton. Erika says she kept looking over and certain people were gone, and Crystal says, the way Sutton’s personality is, she goes off the deep end, and it’s hard to come back. Erika says she’s worked hard to be in a place of peace (I choke on my coffee) and nothing is going to disturb that. Garcelle says she has a surprise for Sutton and takes her to an indoor gondola. Luka is their gondolier, and he chitchats a little about their trip to Vegas. He concentrates on rowing, and Garcelle says, what she needed to tell the women wasn’t received the way she was hoping. We flash back to Garcelle telling them she didn’t feel safe talking about her family, and she and Sutton start to discuss it, but Luka suddenly starts singing in Italian – loudly. Kyle and Dorit go to lunch, and Dorit says she didn’t sleep. Then on top of it, there was the conversation with Garcelle. She has to be able to be honest, but Dorit feels, like wow. Kyle orders something non-alcoholic, and Dorit wonders if Kyle not drinking is linked to her recovering from the trauma of falling out with her sister (i.e. Kathy), but Kyle says she needed to be clear about everything. Dorit says, Kyle doesn’t have to justify her choices, and in Dorit’s interview, she says she thinks Kyle’s choice not to drink has allowed her to have more control over everything. In Sutton’s interview, she says, it seems to her like a midlife crisis, and in Garcelle’s interview, she says she thought Kyle was just taking a break. She misses the old Kyle. Not the splits, just Kyle. Dorit tells Kyle that she misses the silly things, but Kyle says she felt like she needed to drink to fit in, but doesn’t feel that way anymore. This is who she is, take it or leave it. Crystal asks if Erika misses her old life, and Erika says, parts of it. Like Christmastime; the warmth of the house, the lights, the trees, having fun. She doesn’t miss the fighting, the arguing, and the pressure. I’ll bet she doesn’t miss sleeping with him either. In Erika’s interview, she says, in the end, they fought about everything. We flash back to Tom telling her to shut up when he was telling LVP a story at dinner. Erika says, there was nothing harmonious and they were living separate lives. That’s when you know the marriage is over. She tells Crystal that she’s going through this shift inside, and she’s starting to have the feeling of normalcy again. Crystal asks if she’d go back to that life, but she says, no. I believe it if you do. Dorit tells Kyle that it wasn’t a good year for her own marriage, but Mauricio said the same thing to PK about them. Kyle says she expected more from Mauricio. He has a lot of business events she’s supposed to go to, and she doesn’t want to. In Kyle’s interview, she says, Mauricio is in sales, and a big part of that is being social. She’s in a place where she doesn’t want to do that. She’d rather be home reading, especially since she doesn’t drink anymore. Dorit asks if she ever worries about the future.

Dorit asks how you can sustain a marriage, and in Dorit’s interview, she says she thinks Kyle isn’t happy. She’s working on herself inside, and it feels like Mauricio is focused on work. In that aspect, they’re kind of growing in different directions. Kyle tells Dorit that she likes doing the things she likes to do, and in Kyle’s interview, she says she doesn’t want to wake up one day and wonder, who is he and what are they supposed to talk now? Dorit says, it’s work; it’s a struggle. Garcelle and Sutton get their makeup done before meeting Oliver for lunch. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, Oliver was shown kissing Raquel, and we flash back to that. At the restaurant, Oliver says, unfortunately, he was being painted in a different light than he really is, but he doesn’t feel the need to explain himself to anybody. He’s good.

The women are going to Gilley’s after dinner, and in Sutton’s interview, she says she loves a honkytonk bar and line dancing. She loves country music and loves a good bull ride. Kyle shows Dorit her $6K cowboy hat from Kemo Sabe. She tells Dorit those are real diamonds adorning it, and Dorit says, no wonder it’s her favorite. The women go to dinner, and there are napkins embroidered with their names at each place setting. In Kyle’s interview, she says, everyone wants her to do the splits or do a helicopter with her ponytail. She’s fun no matter what. I’m on Kyle’s side for this one. Is she supposed to be getting drunk and doing the splits at 70? Garcelle and Dorit wonders how long Kyle’s dry phase is going to last. Garcelle says she has a game. No surprise, it involves questions on cards. Crystal gets the first one, and says, is monogamy natural for humans? Erika goes on and on about how female animals seek out a protector and provider who’s moving up in the pack. Female lionesses seek out strong, young males. In Dorit’s interview, she says, Erika married the oldest lion in the pack. BA-DUM-CHH! Garcelle says she has a question for the married ladies. If there’s infidelity one time, is it enough to let it go? I’m not sure if she means let the discretion go or the guy.

In Kyle’s interview, she says she and Mauricio have dealt with rumors for years that someone cheated. We flash back to the dinner party from hell and LVP telling her that there are rumors. She asks if she looks like a person who would say, just don’t let her find out. No, she’s not. Erika asks how Garcelle feels about that, and Garcelle says she thought she’d met the man of her dreams, and he was her last stop. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, it’s been some time now, but she’d found out her husband had been cheating on her for five years with a chick in Chicago. So she sent an email to his friends her friends. It was not a good day in the household. Dorit says she’d go Lorena Bobbitt. Food porn! is brought out, and Dorit reads another card. She asks, at what point does money stop making people happy, and have you reached it? Erika and Sutton both say, no, and Dorit says she knows billionaires, and she wouldn’t trade places with them. Sutton says she wouldn’t mind it, and Dorit asks, when does it stop making you happier? Erika says, when you don’t fear the next bill. She’s not ashamed to downsize, but it makes her nervous. She doesn’t want to look at the bills. She’s anxious around money. In Erika’s interview, she says, being married to Tom was great because she didn’t sweat that stuff. Cut to now. She’s not doing sh*t except building her life back. What comes in goes out. Welcome to the way most of us live. Although one thing she said I agree with. When you stop worry about the money problems, you focus on your real problems, and that can make you unhappy. Erika says she misses not being able to buy whatever she wants, but when she buys something now, she knows she earned it. But it’s frightening to be out on her own with no safety net. Again, welcome to the real world. In her interview, she says, it’s soul crushing, and I play the world’s smallest violin. She thinks, how the hell is she going to get out of this and how can she get above water? She tells the women that she did get out of a sh*t marriage, so there’s freedom. When she was accused along with Tom, it was ugly. People wanted things to be true. Now she’s regained a sense of who she is, and it’s not what they said. If she gets into thinking about it too much, it becomes overwhelming, and she goes down the rabbit hole. A server in a sparkly outfit comes over with a cake, and Erika asks Crystal, is it her birthday again? In Crystal’s interview, she says her birthday weekend was incredible. Garcelle and Sutton crushed the trip. She could do this every night.

At Gilley’s, Sutton says, abort bull mission, as soon as she sees the mechanical bull. Kyle says she’ll go, and bull operator Robert literally picks her up and puts her on the bull. She asks him to make her look good. It does some bucking, but it’s not all that fast, and more like one of those vibrating beds you find in motel rooms. I’ve never ridden a real bull, but I don’t think they vibrate like that. Sutton tells Robert to be nice to her. She’s not going over his shoulder. Go slow. He says he’s got her, and she’s on for 14 seconds before the ride is over. I missed Kyle’s time. In Erika’s interview, she says, if Sutton’s bull riding is anything like her d*ck riding, no wonder she doesn’t get a second date. She laughs like a Disney villain, and I wonder why she has to be such a mean girl at her age.

They get ready leave and as luck would have it, the elevator stops and Mikey is there, along with Erika’s old dancing partner Davis. Erika makes a big show of it, and announces, it’s Sutton’s chance to apologize. Apologize to her friend for saying the show was over the top and sh*tty. 😒Sutton says, don’t put words in her mouth. She said the dancers were amazing. It was just the one spread eagle thing. Davis encourages her to come again and see the whole thing because it’s more artful, blah-blah-blah. Davis and Mikey finally leave, and Sutton tells Erika that she never said the show was sh*tty. Erika says – wait for it – it doesn’t matter. Sutton tells her not to lie. Yes, Erika, she’s calling you a liar because you lied. In Erika’s interview, she says, her promise for Lent is still in effect, and we flash back to Erika saying, as a good Catholic <cough-cough>, she’s given up fighting with them for Lent. She tells us, God gave her a path to Sutton. After Sutton treated her like sh*t, God said, there’s your moment. She thanks God and says she’s taking it. Um… I don’t think that’s how God works. What an a-hole she is.

They go to the bus, and Garcelle says, the fact that the doors opened, and there they were, she can’t. Me neither. Dorit asks if Sutton is okay, and Sutton says, Erika deliberately embarrassing her was mean. Erika says, they were having a great time at Magic Mike (a name I’m hoping never to hear again after this, but I know I will) and she heard Sutton wasn’t. We flash back to that, and Sutton says, just because she didn’t stay, doesn’t mean they couldn’t. They’re the ones who turned it into a big deal. We flash back to her talking to Kyle and Garcelle, and Kyle calling her a bitch. There’s barely a soul around, so I’m even wondering how they could call this a scene. Erika says, Sutton took it to the point of getting heated in the lobby (after Kyle acted like someone who had a clue, but didn’t, then called her a bitch), and Sutton says, Erika has been heated so many times. Dorit says, if Sutton could do it over again, would she do it different? and Sutton says she can’t answer that. Kyle says, she seemed unhinged, and I honestly don’t get how they don’t see they’re the ones making a big deal out of something that really wasn’t. Sutton says, don’t call her unhinged, and Kyle says she had an over-the-top reaction. Sutton says she’s not talking about this ad nauseum, and Erika asks if she feels backed into a corner. She literally is, and Sutton asks if she means again. She’s sorry she ruined it and feels terribly for the dancers. Seriously, WTF? It’s not like she actually did create a scene. I’ve seen a scene, and that wasn’t it. And as for feeling bad for the dancers, if four audience members were crucial to their show, it’s not as great as everyone is saying. Sutton gets teary, and Dorit tries to sympathize. Garcelle says she wishes Dorit had gone after Sutton. She feels like it’s always her. Dorit says, Garcelle should have told Sutton that she was overreacting, and Garcelle says, Dorit wasn’t there. Dorit doesn’t know what she said, and she did say that. Acting like Garcelle is Sutton’s mom, Dorit asks why Garcelle couldn’t take Sutton from a 10 to a 2, and Garcelle says she’s not Sutton’s therapist. Sutton (who’s still there – hello?) says she’s not apologizing again. She’s sorry she was unhinged and uncomfortable, and she’s done with this conversation. Dorit asks if she feels like she’s said everything, and Sutton tells her, sometimes silence is golden. We hear crickets, and I say, how about those Mets?

Back in Los Angeles, Garcelle meets Erika for lunch, and says she’s tired from Vegas. She had a roommate. We flash back to Sutton keeping her up, and Erika says, Kyle and Dorit slept in the same bed. She’s too old for that. And Kyle said, Dorit talks in her sleep. Garcelle says she likes Dorit, but thinks they don’t understand each other. Dorit talks a lot, but doesn’t listen. Erika says she’s learned to speak Dorit. She zones out, then comes back. Garcelle says, the biggest problem she thinks she had was when she shared her feelings, and Dorit got defensive. We flash back to Dorit sternly telling Garcelle, it’s been almost a year, and Erika says she thinks they’ll come around. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, it’s shocking for her to be at lunch with Erika. She didn’t think they’d get to place where they could do a one-on-one. Erika seems to be more open and less guarded. She thinks she’s seeing a new Erika. I’m not. Garcelle says she does have a bone to pick with Erika after Vegas. She thought Erika was going to go after Sutton, but then when she did later… Erika says, they were going to Magic Mike (♫ la-la-la ♫), and Sutton had a stack of singles. Then it flipped. It’s not okay. Don’t drag everyone in. Sutton was hijacking the moment. They were having a good time, and then they were worried about her. Oh come on. I can see one person checking on her, but they all didn’t have to get on the bandwagon, and they didn’t. Erika and Crystal even stayed afterward to talk to the dancers. In her interview, Garcelle says she doesn’t know why she feels she has to defend Sutton. (Maybe because someone has to?) Maybe she should let Sutton fight her own battles. Erika says, let’s not clutch the pearls too hard.

Kyle visits Sutton, wearing the Hunter boots Sutton gifted everyone with. Avi waits on them, serving them tea, and Kyle asks how Sutton is feeling after Vegas. Sutton says, it wasn’t her favorite departure. Erika specifically and intentionally embarrassed her. Cue the elevator door. What the hell? Kyle tries to interrupt, but Sutton says she’s not done. Kyle snarks, let her know when she’s done, and in Sutton’s interview, she says she and Kyle made a promise to have each other’s backs. We flash to Sutton saying Kyle needs to have her back more, and Kyle says, they’ll do better moving forward. Sutton says she had a revelation. Kyle is not her friend, does not have her back, and never will. Sutton tells Kyle to defend her friend, and Kyle says she is Sutton’s friend. That’s why she’s sitting here gracing Sutton with her presence. Just because she sees another perspective, that doesn’t mean she’s not Sutton’s friend. Sutton says she came into the conversation when she hadn’t heard the story. Kyle says, Sutton told her that she had a habit of inserting herself. Sutton has a habit of losing her sh*t in ridiculous circumstances. Sutton says, name ‘em, and every time Kyle tries to go down a tributary, Sutton says it again. Kyle yells at Sutton to let her talk.

Sutton says, name ‘em, and Kyle asks if she’s okay. Stop doing that. She’s being incredibly rude. Sutton asks, how? and Kyle says, if she doesn’t see it… Which is what people say when they can’t answer the question. Sutton says she doesn’t understand rude, and Kyle asks if she wants a dictionary. Sutton says, name ‘em, and Kyle says, be quiet and she will. There were the ugly leather pants – we flash back to that – there was Lake Tahoe – we flash back to Sutton using her face roller because it calms her – and at the show in Vegas. Kyle says, Sutton didn’t seem okay in Vegas and doesn’t seem okay now. Funny thing is, Kyle looks insane as she’s saying this.  

To be continued…

🧂Too Much Salt…

Best line from Heather’s interview: Mary’s decor is exactly like Mary’s personality. You never quite know what you’re gonna get. Green carpet, Chanel pillows, Dr. Seuss chairs from Whoville.

Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 4, Episode 10 Recap: Walking on Eggshells

⛷ House Of Mess…

Every time I think it can’t get more awful, it does.

Winter House Season 3, Episode 4 Recap: Schwartzy and Floody Make Their Move

🥧 Eyes On The Pies…

Join me tomorrow for soap and dubious Charm. Until then, stay safe, stay bringing a hostess gift even if they say the old just bring yourself, and stay thinking of all the good things going on in your life when something bad happens.