What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

At the airport, Brook says something in Italian, and Chase says he has no idea what she said, but how do you say, you are the world’s most beautiful bride in Italian? She starts to tell him, but then says she thinks that might be Spanish. He says he’s not sure, but don’t worry about it. Everybody in Europe pretty much speaks English anyway. He yawns, and she says, no yawning. They have to stay awake the entire flight, so when they land, they adjust to Italian time. He’ll have plenty of time to sleep tonight at the hotel. He says he has news for her. Neither one of them is going to be getting much sleep tonight. She says, all right, and they kiss.

Violet marches across the living room with the bouquet, and Finn says he’s sorry to interrupt her dance, but they need to get a move on. They have to pick up Gretchen along the way. Violet says, okay. Can she have wedding cake for lunch? He says, sure. If by cake she means a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She tells him, but grandpa said… and he says, shh. Grandpa’s still sleeping. Last night took a lot out of him. She says, not her. She loved it. She wishes someone they knew got married every week. (That’s because she’s not the one writing the checks.) Could she bring her bouquet to school to show all her friends? He says, all those people touching it. Does she think maybe that might ruin it? She says, that’s true, and sets it down. She’ll leave it here. Protect it. He says he’ll guard it with his life. Is she ready to go? She says, yes, and he says, quick. She says, to the automobile, and they leave. We see a bottle of Tire Track bourbon from Carmine and Gloria on the sideboard.

Diane goes to Alexis’s hotel room, and Alexis says she knows. She set her alarm for pm instead of am. Then she tried to get the shower working, but the thing doesn’t work right and scalded her when she got in. And this is all wrinkled – she shows Diane her blouse and jacket – so what is she supposed to do? There’s no iron. She called down for an iron… Diane says, stop, stop, stop. Take a breath. Don’t make me slap you. Alexis says she’s going to stop Diane right there. She may be neurotic, but she’s scrappy. Diane laughs and says, don’t worry. They can get her ready – she looks at the clothing – she thinks. Then they’re going to go to court, they’re going to make their case, which Alexis will win, and she’ll be reinstated to her rightful place in the New York State Bar. Her family will be very proud of her.

Kristina lies in bed, and Blaze asks how she’s feeling. Kristina says, terrible? She didn’t sleep at all last night. Every time she would drift off, she’d get this vision of what happened, and jolt back awake. Her brain would just not turn off. Blaze says, sorry. She’s been there and it’s terrible. Would some room service breakfast help? (Yes! I say, then remember she’s not talking to me.) Kristina says she can’t even think about food right now, which is saying a lot. What she really wants right now is to talk to her family. Her mom is in Albany, trying to get her disbarment overturned, and obviously, she can’t talk to Molly about this. She’ll just freak out and that’s more stress for the baby. On top of which, she’s the ADA. She would feel obligated to report Kristina’s dad, same with Dante. And usually when she’s this upset, she would talk to her dad, but he’s the last person on earth she wants to talk to right now.

There’s a knock at Dante’s door, and he opens it to Sonny. Sonny says, late night? and Dante says, yeah. Come in. Did they have plans or something? Sonny says he just thought he would stop by. Is Sam here? Dante says, she and the kids just left. He didn’t even hear them leave actually. Sonny says he guesses they went out after the wedding, and Dante says, yeah. Maxie and Spinelli were supposed to save him, but Cousin Patty is pretty persistent and at the after-party, there were shots. Limoncello. It was gross. A lot of limoncello. She could really put that stuff back. Sonny says, it looks like Dante did a lot of damage himself. Does Dante want him to go? Dante says he’s awake now. Did Sonny like the wedding? He notices Sonny’s bruised hand and asks, what happened to his fist? What was he punching?

Brook asks if Chase knew the word honeymoon was first used all the way back in medieval times, and roughly translated, it means a time when life was sweet. Digging in his bag, Chase says he did not know that, and she says, how perfect is that? What’s more perfect than the two of them exploring Florence together? He says, nothing he can think of, continuing to dig, and she asks, what is he looking for? He says, his passport, and she says, he just had it when they checked in. He had it at security. They have to find it or they’re not going to be let in. They’ll be sent back. He says he swears after security he put it in… Ah – he takes it out – here we go. Crisis averted. He’s just going to put it over here. He opens a pocket in his bag and takes out a small gift box. He asks, what’s this? but she says she’s never seen it before. He takes off the card, and says, it’s from dad. Brook says, that’s sweet. She wonders when he had time to slip it in there. Gregory voice reads: Brook Lynn and Chase, thank you for including me in your wedding and in your life together. Your happiness has brought me so much joy. This gift is a small token of my gratitude. From time to time, you may both lose your way, but with each other to lean on, you’ll never be lost. Chase says, wow, slips the card into his bag, and opens the box. He takes out something that looks like a locket on a chain and wonders if it’s a compass. He opens it, and the inside of the compass lid is engraved, with love, Dad.

Finn comes back home and calls for Gregory, saying, he got bagels from Eckerd’s. He got Gregory the last cinnamon raisin. Dad! He pauses for a moment, then goes to Gregory’s room. Outside the door, he asks if everything is all right. He listens a moment, then knocks. He says he’s going to come in, okay? and opens the door. He goes to the bed, touches Gregory on the shoulder, and says, dad? He feels for a pulse, then cries, smoothing back Gregory’s hair. He says, I love you, and kisses Gregory’s forehead. He hugs Gregory’s body and sobs.

Dante says, Sonny’s knuckles look pretty bad, but Sonny says he’s fine. Dante says, what about the other guy? and Sonny says, Dex walked away. Dante says, he beat up Dex? and Sonny says, so? Dante says, he’s a cop, but Sonny says, he’s not a cop. He’s in training. Dante says he doesn’t think Anna is going to make that distinction, and Sonny says, if Anna knew about this, he’d be in a cell right now, but Dante says, not necessarily. Warrants take time. Sonny asks if Dante is going to haul him in for defending himself, and Dante asks if he’s saying Dex came after him. Sonny asks if that’s so hard to believe, and Dante says, Dex doesn’t strike him as a particularly stupid guy, so yeah. Sonny says, the whole night was supposed to be a celebration of everybody from the old neighborhood who he hasn’t seen in years watching Brook get married. It was supposed to be a happy time. Dante says, then what happened? and Sonny says, what happened is Dex, that’s what happened. Everywhere he looked, Dex was there. He looked to the right, to the left. He’s talking to Gio, he’s dancing with Lois, sucking up to Gloria, like he owned the party. Like he could do anything he wanted, and Sonny couldn’t stop him. So, yeah. Dex grabbed his arm, and he punched Dex. He was defending himself. Dante says, dad… but Sonny says, let’s not… Sorry. He didn’t come here for a lecture. He came here to see if Dante could deliver a message. Dante says he can’t and won’t go to Dex for Sonny, but Sonny says, not Dex. Kristina. Dante asks, why? and Sonny says, she saw the whole thing.

Kristina tells Blaze that her dad finally stopped texting. She’s never ignored him like this. It feels so wrong, but after what he did, what would she say to him?  Blaze sits next to her on the bed and says, it’s okay to need some time. She’s totally justified going no contact until she figures out how she wants to handle this. Kristina says, really, that’s just postponing the inevitable. As much as she wants to hide from this, she can’t. She wishes she knew how to solve it. Blaze says, if by solved, she means figure out when she wants to talk to her dad again, that’s entirely up to her. But if she means solve what she witnessed, her dad attacked someone and it’s not her problem to fix. Kristina says, it is if no one else is going to step in and stop him from imploding, and Blaze asks if that’s really the case though. There’s no one else? Kristina says, no, there is. There is someone else she could call. She doesn’t know what to do.

On the phone, Finn says he wants to report a… His father passed away in his sleep. He’s wondering if they could send someone… It’s 347 Portside Road, apartment number 9… Thank you. He sits on the sofa, then gets up and sees the bottle of bourbon. He picks up the bottle, looks at it, takes off the gift card, and opens it. He sniffs the cork and I swear I can smell it too.

Alexis comes out, fully dressed, and Diane says, she did it. Court appearance ready. Alexis says, not a wrinkle in this jacket. She doesn’t know how Diane does it. She should have packed that portable steamer in her overnight bag. Diane says she’s happy to help, and asks if pre-trial jitters are something new Alexis is exploring, or has it simply been so long since Alexis has litigated anything that she plumb forgot this is how Alexis gets? Alexis says, it’s a little of both. Diane has veins of steel. She doesn’t worry about anything. Diane laughs and says, wrong. Here’s a tidbit for Alexis. Before she leaves for court every day, she screams into a pillow. True. Gets all of her anxiety out and has the added benefit of bringing all the blood to her face, so it lifts and plumps. Works better than any expensive cream. (Note to self: Try this.) Alexis says, that wouldn’t work for her, because if she starts to scream, she won’t stop screaming. Because what she wants to do right now is check out of this hotel and go home. And she’s never going to forgive Diane for bullying her into doing this. Diane says, let’s not rewrite history, shall we? She merely offered Alexis an avenue she hadn’t thought to pursue. Alexis is the one who took her up on it. Alexis says she had it on very good authority from a very smart person that she won’t regret giving this her all as much as she would regret not trying at all. Why doesn’t she feel like that at this moment?

Finn sniffs the neck of the bottle, takes out a short glass, and pours about a finger into it. He slowly picks it up and looks at it, then swallows half of it (even though I yell, no, no, no! at the TV).

There’s a knock at Kristina’s hotel room door, and Blaze says she’ll get it. She opens the door and Michael is there. She invites him in, and he asks Kristina, what happened? Blaze says she’s going to get some food and leave the two of them alone, but Kristina says, she should stay. Unless this is too much for her, which Kristina understands. Blaze says, if Kristina wants her here, she’s happy to stay, and Kristina tells Michael, last night as the reception was winding down, she went to the ballroom to get some cake. When she came out, dad was in the anteroom punching Dex. And Dex had blood on his face. He wasn’t fighting back or anything. He was just trying to get away. Then Jason showed up out of nowhere (per usual) and he pulled dad off of Dex. Then dad just started screaming and he said he would kill both of them. He said he’d empty a gun in their heads. Michael says he’s sorry she had to see that, and she tells him, it’s not just what he said, it’s how he said it. She believed him. She knows this isn’t a surprise for Michael, right? He’s always known exactly who dad is. She’s the one who refused to believe it.

Dante asks if Sonny can tell him what happened. What did Kristina see? Sonny says he doesn’t know. He was kicking Dex and Jason grabbed him. He said, let go, and he threatened both of them. Then he heard a crash. He looked to the right, and Kristina was right there. There were some plates, and he guesses she dropped them. She stared at him for a little while, then she ran off. Dante asks if Sonny went after her, and Sonny says, of course (🍷) he did. He ran after her and said, this is not what it looks like. She didn’t understand. She was just crying. Then he went to comfort her, and she flinched like she was afraid. Now she won’t call him, she won’t text him, and he just wants Dante to go to her and say, look. Make her see the truth of what she saw. Dante says he’s a police officer. He can’t so that. And he wouldn’t if he could.

Finn tells the coroner, dad usually gets up pretty early, but we had this family wedding last night and he was exhausted. So Finn thought he was just sleeping in. The coroner says he sees, and Finn says, and he went to… When he didn’t see his father, he got a little worried, so he went in to check on him. The coroner says, this was about what time? and Finn says, about 9:30. Some paramedics come in with a gurney, and Finn nods. They go to the bedroom.

Inside Gregory’s bedroom, photos are taken, and a paramedic radios dispatch that he can confirm they have a deceased male in residence, 73 years old. A woman says, based on rigor and body temp, she’d estimate the death to be between midnight and 2 am. She tells Finn, all the signs point to heart failure. It was most certainly quick and painless. His father didn’t suffer. They have to get his signature, but take all the time he needs to read it first. Finn takes the clipboard and says he’s aware of the forms. He signs the papers and hands them back. She says she’s sorry for his loss, and he thanks her. Gregory’s body is wheeled out, and Finn lovingly strokes his hair. He nods to the paramedic, who puts the sheet over Gregory’s face. They leave, and Finn goes into Gregory’s room. He runs his hand over Gregory’s pillow and takes another sip of his drink. He takes out his phone and looks at Chase’s number.

Kristina says she’s really trying to reconcile how the man she saw attacking Dex is the same guy who’s always been so gentle and loving with her, and Michael says, it’s never going to make sense. You can twist yourself into knots trying to justify dad’s behavior or lose yourself trying to punish him for it. Their dad is a product of choices he made long before they were born. They don’t have the power to change him. Kristina says she’s sorry, and Michael says, for what? She says she judged him for his anger at him and how Michael went after him. She thought Michael was being unfair to him, but really, she was the one being unfair to Michael. And she just feels so stupid that she could have been so blind. He says, she loves dad. He was the person she thought he was, the great man that he showed her. There’s nothing wrong with that. She says, but now that the veil has been lifted, she sees exactly who he is. All of him. Michael says he’s sorry. He knows how hard this is for her. She says, you can only avoid the truth for so long. Now that she’s seen it, she… they have to decide what they’re going to do. He says, it’s not on them to clean up after dad, and she says she knows. Blaze was saying the same thing, but dad has cleaned up after her countless times, and Michael and Morgan and all of them. She knows dad deserves to be punished for what he did to Dex, and she feels terrible saying this, but she doesn’t want him to be because she still loves him. He says he knows she does, and she says, so okay. Can’t he fix this? He sighs and says he’s going to try. She thanks him and gives him a hug, and he tells Blaze, take care of her. Blaze says she will, and Michael leaves. Blaze hugs Kristina.

On a bench in the park, Josslyn hands Dex a to-go cup and says she figured they could both use some caffeine after the night they’ve had. He thanks her and says, it’s okay if she needs to take off. She’s already gone above and beyond. She asks if he’s trying to cut her loose, but he says he’s trying not to be a burden. It’s been a crazy 12 hours. She kept watch over him in the ER, took him to Bobbie’s at 6 am to feed him pancakes, and now she got him coffee. She says, maybe she thinks he needs a little bit of spoiling after the night he’s had. Is that a problem? He says, that depends on if she plans on sticking around on a more permanent basis. He doesn’t want to get used to it. She says her reputation would suffer greatly if she was seen with such a terrible dancer, and he says he seems to remember her busting a move with him. That was before Cousin Patty cut in. She couldn’t get enough of his lack of rhythm. She says she thinks Cousin Patty had far too many Coronas, and he says, it’s easy if you try. She says, try what? and he says, to forget about Sonny, and instead of dwelling on him, put her attention on someone much more worthy of it. His phone rings, and he answers. He says, Rice Park… Yeah. He’ll wait for them here. He tells Josslyn, so much for forgetting about Sonny.

Sonny says, so that’s the way it’s gonna be? Dante is going to go against him too? Dante says he’s not against Sonny; he’s with him and he loves him. Sonny says, but not enough to make it right with Kristina? Why not? Dante says, Sonny knows he’s not just his son. He’s a cop too. Sonny says, yeah, and Dante says, so it doesn’t matter whether Dex provoked him or not. It doesn’t matter whether he’s a cadet or not. What matter is, if he reports this – which at this point, Dante doesn’t know why he wouldn’t – he has to offer in this whole conversation here as corroboration. Why would Sonny put him – he bangs the table – in that position? But enough about him. Let’s focus on Kristina here. Sonny wants Dante to go to her for him, right? Sonny nods, and Dante says, so he’d do that, and what then? She gets interviewed by detectives and they’d want to know what she saw. Is she going to be honest with them and tell them that he came to her on Sonny’s behalf to massage the truth? Or does Sonny want her to stick her neck out for him and protect him and lie to the police for him?

Michael thanks Dex for waiting. He just saw Kristina and she told him what happened last night. She’s devastated. Josslyn says, oh God. She can’t imagine. They fought about Sonny all the time, but she would never want Kristina to see him that violent firsthand. Michael says, they’re not going to be fighting about Sonny anymore. Her eyes are wide open. He asks how Dex is doing, and Dex says he’ll live. Michael says, Kristina told him that Jason stopped the fight and Sonny threatened to kill both of them, and Dex says, he did. Josslyn says, Dex came to her with blood dripping down one side of his face. She took him to GH, but they couldn’t see him for hours. Dex asks why Michael needed to see him, and Michael says, to find out if Dex intends to press charges against Sonny.

Kristina comes out in her robe, and Blaze asks if she feels better. Kristina says, yeah. A hot shower helped. So did talking to her brother. Blaze says she admits she’s surprised he’s the one Kristina called, and Kristina says, she and Michael used to be really close. She’s the one who pulled away from him. She didn’t like the way he was treating her dad. Joke’s on her, right? Still, the second she called him, he showed up. Blaze says, brothers can be useful that way, and Kristina says, yeah. She’s lucky. But she’s lucky for more than just Michael. Blaze has been nothing but supportive since last night, and she’s been so wrapped up in her own stuff, she hasn’t even thought about Blaze and how she might be processing all this insanity. She wouldn’t blame Blaze if on top of all this, it’s too much baggage for her to deal with.

The loudspeaker says, now boarding, group one, and Brook says, this is us. Italy, here we come. She and Chase get up, when Chase’s phone rings. He tells Finn that they’re about to board… Finn? He tells Brook that he thinks Finn butt dialed him, and Brook says, tell Finn’s butt that he’s got to go. Chase asks if Finn heard that. His wife says he’s got to go. Finn says, Chase… and Chase says, so he is there. Finn says, it’s about dad, and Chase asks, what happened? Finn says he doesn’t know how to do this, so he’s just going to say it. Dad’s not with us. Dad’s gone. Chase says, no. He was with him last night. He saw him at the wedding. Finn says he knows. He was amazing at the church and had such a good time at Chase’s wedding. He came home last night, and he went to sleep and didn’t wake up. Finn found him this morning. The coroner said he died peacefully in his sleep, probably from heart failure. There wasn’t any pain. Chase sits down and asks if their dad is with Finn right now, but Finn says he called 911 and they came and took the body away. Chase starts to cry and asks if Finn thinks he felt any pain, but Finn says, there wasn’t any pain. He’s so sorry. Chase says, yeah, and Brook says, his dad? Chase says, he died, and she puts her arms around him while he cries.

Sonny says, if Dex decides to press charges, he’s sure Diane can handle it. He doesn’t need Detective Dante Falconari to get him out of trouble. He needs his son to stand up for him. Kristina needs her brother. He didn’t see Kristina. She was shaken. She was scared. He’s never seen her like this. He’s worried. All he wants Dante to do is make her see that… Dante says, what? What a good guy Sonny is? That he’s the victim here? That he protects his family? Protects Kristina? If she saw what she saw, how does he think that’s going to go down? Sonny says he just wants Dante to tell her that he loves her, and he needs her and that it was an accident. He was defending himself. Just tell her that he was defending himself. Just tell her the truth. Dante says he’ll talk to Kristina then, and Sonny says, great, and pats Dante’s shoulder. Dante says he’ll make sure she’s doing okay and if she’s not, he’ll stay with her until she is. And that’s all he’s going to do. He’s done carrying water for Sonny. Sonny puts his head in his hands, and Dante says he’s not going to defend Sonny from the life he’s made for himself.

Diane asks if Alexis is saying she wants to give up, and Alexis says she thinks it’s the least painful path. Diane says, if Alexis wasn’t representing herself and representing someone else, would she quit before she even made an argument? Alexis says, no, and Diane says, what about all those pro bono clients Alexis said she wanted to help when she got her law license back? What about them? Is she quitting on them? Is she giving up? She might be their only hope. Alexis says, there are plenty of lawyers. They’ll find somebody else. Diane says, no one who is going to care about their situation nearly as much as Alexis, and Alexis says she doesn’t know about that. Diane says she begs to differ. What’s the bottom line here? What’s the end result? Does she just want to go crawling back to The Invader and spend her days bickering with Adrian DeWitt about headlines and internet traffic? Is that going to make her happy? Or does she want to go in there and fight like hell to get her disbarment overturned? And if Alexis doesn’t want to do it for herself, then do it for her. Alexis’s bestie, who has spent countless hours, pro bono, that she could have been billing a paying client. Alexis says she knew Diane was going to do the guilt trip on her, and Diane says, she’s a brilliant litigator. Some might even say she is Diane’s equal. Diane would not, of course (🍷), but there are some who would. Doesn’t Alexis want to show everyone how brilliant she is once again and get her career back while she’s doing it?

Finn picks up Gregory’s cane, and flashes back to the argument he and Gregory had where Gregory brought up Finn not showing up for his and Jackie’s wedding. The door opens and Violet walks in.

Tomorrow, Lois tells Ned that she spoke to Monica and she’s all for it; Violet tells Finn that she didn’t get to say goodbye; Diane says, Alexis doesn’t need luck; Dex says, Michael is never going to get a better chance to stop Sonny than now.

Vanderpump Rules – Reunion Part 2

Katie says she’s the same person on and off camera, but Lala says, Katie told her that she didn’t want to say things about Ariana on camera. She’d invested lot in the sandwich shop, and if Lala f***ed with her business, she was going to f*** with Lala’s. Something About Her is Nothing About Her, since Katie doesn’t have a business. Lala’s business is her livelihood and how she supports her child. How dare Katie? She just wanted Katie to be honest. Schwartz says, Katie’s feelings would be valid if she was annoyed with Ariana, and Katie says she was past it and didn’t want to make Ariana feel guilty. Schwartz says, she didn’t want to come off publicly as not Team Ariana, but Katie says she’s been herself for 11 seasons and she was hated. Why would she change now? Lala says she didn’t feel Katie was 100% authentic this season, and Andy asks if Ariana is bothered, but Ariana says, no. They all talk about things on and camera. Schwartz says, Katie wanted Scheana to carry a grudge, and Brock says, Schwartz was a sh*t husband. Lala says she loves Katie and rides hard for her. They bonded over the fact that they deliver facts in unpretty packages. She loves doing the show because they have uncomfortable conversations. Now Katie is looking at her like she’s crazy. Katie says she won’t sit here and be told she’s fake. She didn’t want to bring up something she was over. Lala tells her that if she’d said she was over it and didn’t want to talk about it, that would have been fine. Instead, Katie threatened to burn her livelihood to the ground and was treating her like the enemy. Andy asks where they go from here, and Lala says, they’re always on the up. Katie says, if she had something to say, she’d say it.

Andy says, the group is known for their tangled web of hookups, and Schwartz and Scheana’s secret kiss stayed a secret when every secret comes out. We flash back to Jax cheating on Stassi with Kristen; Kristen accusing Ariana of hooking up with Sandoval when she was with him; Katie saying Schwartz can’t stop making out with people who aren’t his wife; Lala telling Brittany about Jax making out with her friend; and Scandoval. Scheana says, they were at her little sister’s cheerleading competition. Schwartz had come with Sandoval, who wanted to see Ariana. She and Ariana were drunk and making out, so maybe he thought it was an invitation to keep the party going. She doesn’t know. She didn’t want to say anything because Katie hated her and was already calling her a homewrecking whore. We flash back to Katie being her nasty self, and Scheana says, there was no way she was going to say anything. Schwartz was drunk and tried to kiss her, and she said, whoa. What is he doing? and he said they were never speaking of this again. Schwartz apologizes for being a sloppy fool, and Andy suggests they would have taken it to the grave if it hadn’t been brought up. Scheana says she’d forgotten about it. When they were glamping, Schwarz mentioned kissing Raquel, and that brought it to mind. Katie says, it was jarring to find out years later, and Scheana tells her that she didn’t say anything because of where they were. She didn’t want to hurt Katie. Andy says, Scheana claims every guy in the group hit on her, and she says, James was drunk in the DJ booth. James asks, when? and she says, season 4 or 5. He says he doesn’t remember, and Andy asks about Sandoval. Scheana says, that was in New York, and Sandoval says, no f***ing way. She says, they were there for Watch What Happens Live and raided the mini bar. This was before Sandoval and Ariana had been intimate. Andy says, Katie hooked up with Max the night of Hotel Ziggy, and wonders if it was in direct response to what Schwartz had done. Katie says, it could seem that way, or she was just doing what she wanted. Schwartz says, she leveled the playing field, and Lala says, she demolished it, but Katie gave fair warning. We flash back to Katie saying she’ll run a train through the restaurant, and Schwartz says he asked the universe for her to be in his position. Andy says, he manifested it, but Katie says, it didn’t make it hurt any less. Andy asks if she hooked up with Max a second time, and there’s a long pause. She says she doesn’t know. She can’t remember. James says, he came back for seconds, and Schwartz says, they’re the same, but Katie says, no, they’re not.

Andy welcomes us back even though we went nowhere, and says, Lisa encouraged Schwartz to bring the group to Lake Tahoe, but the group wasn’t glued back together as easily as Sandoval’s penis flute. Andy asks Lisa about her restaurant, Wolf, and she says, it’s opening April 18^th. She insists he come, and he asks if she’ll fly him out. When she says she will, he asks if it will be private, and she calls him a diva. Back on topic, Andy says that Schwartz told Lala that she wasn’t queen of the group, and Schwartz says he didn’t like that she was speaking up for the other girls, saying they didn’t want to come on the trip. It wasn’t a Sandoval Redemption Tour. He just wanted some humanity reinstilled. James agrees that it was the best place to do it. Andy asks Ariana why people thought she had an ego after Scandoval, and Katie suggests, because she wasn’t in a fetal position, sobbing. Ariana says she does that in private at home, and Andy asks if she could see Scheana’s struggle on the show, but Scheana reminds him that Ariana didn’t watch the show. Ariana says, Scheana’s feelings are totally valid, even though she’s not necessarily the person to go to with those feelings. We flash back to Scheana telling Ariana that she can’t keep hating Sandoval for her. Scheana says she wanted Ariana to know that she was still her girl. She tends to misspeak and not read the audience. Ariana says she does that too, and Sandoval says, she’s not that bad. Andy asks why it was okay for Lala to expect the friend group to shun Randall, and Lala says, she has a child involved and is in a custody battle. Scheana says, it was also more than cheating, and Lala says, Randall didn’t call Schwartz because he liked hanging out. There was a motive there, and she was fighting for the well-being of her child. Unless someone has been in her situation, they’ll never understand. Katie says, it goes without saying Lala would have a boundary, but Ariana is allowed boundaries as well. Lala says she was confused. Ariana was sleeping down the hall from Sandoval and had a new boyfriend. She would have been given the side-eye for the same thing. Ariana says, all Lala had to do was say she respected her choices, and again Lala says she doesn’t understand. Ariana says, regardless, Lala should respect it. It’s not her business to understand. Lala says, it is. Ariana is her friend and has her respect. Yet Ariana listened to Lala being called a whore and didn’t stick up for her. We flash back to Ariana laughing at Charlie smack talking Lala, and Ariana says, when they were at the plant store, they addressed that. We flash back to their discussion, and Ariana saying that her reaction to Charlie should have included, don’t do that. Ariana tells Lala that she apologized, and they moved on. Lala doesn’t have to understand everything. Lala says, it didn’t make sense, and Ariana says she’s always known their situations were different, but she supported Lala. Lala says she asked a question, and Ariana says, Lala talks louder, so she must be right. Lala says she hasn’t raised her voice once this whole time, and Andy says he’s impressed. He brings up the photo of Scheana and Sandoval and how the internet painted Scheana as betraying Ariana. He asks how Ariana felt about it, and Ariana says, slightly uncomfortable. Scheana says she understood that Ariana didn’t want to be part of another headline, but they all got thrown in the photo. Schwartz says, you have to show decorum around fans, and Scheana says she really didn’t think it would go anywhere. Ariana says she appreciates the conversation she had with Lala. It brought a perspective she hadn’t thought of when Lala said, everything gets headlines. We flash back to that, and Andy asks Scheana, what hurt the most when she found out Ariana was going to be on Dancing with the Stars? She says, Ariana wasn’t the one to tell her, and Ariana says, a leak happened, and articles came out. Production on DWTS went on lockdown with information. She wasn’t trying to keep it from Scheana, but she didn’t trust that Scheana wouldn’t be overheard, since they were all being watched with a microscope. Andy says Scheana promoted her dream of being on DWTS, and if they don’t have her on, it’s cruel. He looks at the camera and says, have her on. Scheana says she has plans with the band and her music for the next year. People can talk sh*t, but she’s genuinely enjoying what she’s doing. Andy says, if they call tomorrow, she’s not going to say no, and Scheana agrees that she wouldn’t.

Ally and Jo join the group, and Ally tells Andy that he’s the most perfect example of a Gemini. Andy says, they’re being joined by an astrology expert and a woman whose affair with Schwartz wasn’t written in the stars. He introduces them as James’s girlfriend and not Schwartz’s girlfriend. He asks how the astrology is going, and Ally says, great. She’s fully booked at $195 a reading. James says, it’s all on Zoom. Welcome to the Ally Bally experience. Andy says, there were rumors as to the nature of Jo and Schwartz’s relationship, and we flash back to Schwartz denying, denying, denying. Andy asks how they started hanging out, and Jo says she was between residences and was couch surfing in Schwartz’s guest bedroom. Schwartz says, they started off as just drinking buddies and it evolved. When they met, she was Kristen’s best friend and he only saw her through Kristen. Lala says, how random, and Andy asks if Jo had a crush on Schwartz when he was married to Katie, but she says, no. Lala asks, what was the reason Jo stayed with Schwartz? and Jo says, covid was going on and multiple friends had it. Katie says, Kristen lived around the corner. She’s surprised Jo didn’t hit her up, but Schwartz says, Kristen was in a chaotic relationship at the time. Andy asks why Ariana claimed Jo knew about the affair, and Ariana says, proximity. She was at Schwartz’s apartment all the time, and that’s where it was going down. Also, in Big Bear. She still believes Jo knew about it. Andy asks if Schwartz asked Jo to lie in front of the camera, but he says, no. Andy asks why he wasn’t honest about what was happening with Jo, and Schwartz says, they weren’t filming. Jo didn’t want to be part of that world, so it was a great escape. They were like lightning in a bottle. Lala asks how often they had sex, and Schwartz says, sporadically. She asks if they bumped peepees once a week, and Schwartz says that’s about right. Lala says, that’s frequent, not sporadic, and a pig must have flown by, because Katie says she felt bad for Jo when she was watching the show and saw Schwartz being elusive. Jo saw the relationship differently than he did. Schwartz – who couldn’t stay in a lane to save his life – says, they were just talking, but Katie says, he was giving Jo the boyfriend experience. He wasn’t committed, but they were saying, I love you. Schwartz says he did love her. They would text, I love you. Ally says, this is insane, and doesn’t have to consult any charts to realize that. Katie says, when someone has feelings for you, but there’s no clarity, it’s not fair. He was displaying f*** boy behavior. Sandoval says, they only see what’s on TV, not what it was. Is he kidding??? Lala asks why they’re making Jo feel nuts. Something was happening to make her feel the way she did, and they were having sex on a regular basis. This is so f***ed up.

Ariana says, there was a disconnect as to what their relationship was, and Jo says she was a secret for a year. Schwartz insists it had nothing to do with Katie, and Jo says, it’s sad to see. She thought it was a real relationship. Schwartz says, it was magic for a while, and Lala says, it’s wild to watch Schwartz gaslight Jo. Schwartz insists he’s not, but James says, it doesn’t look good. Lala says, Schwartz can’t call it a relationship, but talks about it like it is one. Schwartz says he was scared to label it and felt incapable of a relationship. Andy asks what their status is now, and Schwartz says, they’re friends, but Jo shrugs. Andy suggests Jo just wanted validation, and Jo agrees. Andy says, Schwartz hard launched a new relationship recently, and asks about his new girlfriend. He says, her name Sofia, and she’s hilarious, smart, and has a great career. He feels like he’s disrespecting Jo in talking about it, like this ever mattered, and Lala says – wait for it – suck my d*ck. I love me some Lala. Schwartz tells her, easy with the snap judgments, and Andy reminds them about Katie saying things about Jo on social media. We flash back to Katie’s nasty, uncalled for comments about Jo, and Andy asks, what about Jo got Katie fired up? Jo is now sitting there crying, and Katie says she was coming from a place where she was going through a divorce and separation, because apparently, she doesn’t realize which one comes first. She says, someone she didn’t trust was moving in fast, and she wasn’t comfortable with it. She admits to some colorful descriptions, and Jo says, colorful? For real. She basically called Jo a crackhead and just about every filthy thing she could think of. Some not even real things. Andy asks how Jo felt being ganged up on, but Jo says she never felt like she was ganged up on from anyone except Katie. Katie says, the summer before, she wasn’t supported, and we flash back to Scheana encouraging Schwartz to make out with Raquel. Jo says, because of Katie, neither was she, and Katie says, this isn’t about her. What she said wasn’t nice or kind, but she was dealing with a lot of sh*t. The last thing she needed was Jo. Jo says, that’s no excuse, and Lala says, this is vulnerable for Katie. Schwartz says, it’s as close to an apology as Jo is going to get, and Katie says she is sorry. She doesn’t like a lot of people, and feels, don’t be nice because people will f*** you over. Andy asks if Jo is seeing anyone, and she asks if he can introduce her to Andy Rogers.

I guess Katie thinks if she owns it, that will make it okay. It doesn’t. I used to like Katie and felt bad for her being married to wishy-washy, can’t make a decision without the other Tom, Schwartz. True, she made that choice, but she was pretty young, and I could see the appeal. She thought he was a fixer upper, and we all have to learn that lesson. But she’s become a mean girl, and I have no doubt she was talking about Ariana too, behind her back. You can’t behave like an elementary school kid on the playground just because somebody, or several somebodies, screwed you over. You’re an adult. Behave like one.

Andy asks if James thought the editors were throwing shade at his new house with the flight path, and we flash back to those moments. James says, when you see a plane, you know it’s their scene, and Andy asks how the cats and Hippie are doing. Ally says she didn’t see it turning out as well as it has, and we flash back basically to why – she kept separating them out of fear. Cats can get out of the way pretty easily, and it really looked like Graham/Hippie just wanted to play. Sooner or later, the pets all get tired of that dance and learn to live with each other. But if you separate them, they can become antagonistic for all sorts of reasons. Andy says, Raquel (who he calls Rachel), weighed in publicly that the dog’s bad behavior and biting was the result of how James treated him as a puppy. James says, that’s false. He had behavioral issues when they got him. Ally says, the breeder shipped him as a puppy in the cargo hold, and it traumatized him. James says, when they first met, he was trying to get something away from Hippie, but he went under the couch and growled. Now he’s completely transformed. Lisa says she knew how James felt about the dog, and the way Hippie greeted him – we flash back to that – she knew James would be nothing but kind to the dog. Andy asks where Ally is at about kids, and she says, the same. She wants to have them when she feels like Lala. Lala says, great save, and James says he wants to get married. Ally tells him, she’d say yes, but it would be a long engagement. Andy asks how long James will wait, and James says, forever. There’s a collective, aww! from the cast. Andy says, several of the cast went from slamming shots to sipping mocktails and hosting water tastings. We flash back to Lala’s tasting, and Andy asks how long she’s been sober. Lala says, five and a half years. She appreciates his acknowledging that every year. Her sobriety is the proudest thing she’s done in her life. He says, it’s a major accomplishment, and asks how long James is sober. James says, since April, and Andy says, almost a year. He congratulates James and everyone applauds. Andy says, Ally wanted James to stop drinking and moved out with the cats, and Ally says, it was really clear to her that she didn’t like who James was when he was drinking. James admits he’s disrespectful when he drinks, and Ally says she was gone two nights. Andy asks if she was staying at Schwartz’s, then says he’s kidding. She says, he’s her friend, and Schwartz says he was wondering, did that happen? Andy says, James claimed he quit for himself and not the relationship, and James says, it wasn’t necessarily the ultimatum, but he knew it would better the relationship. He’s not stupid. He gets it. Andy asks Ally, what if he starts drinking again? and she says she’d leave. Andy asks if Jo has anything to say, and Jo says, she had a good time with everyone, except Katie unfortunately. Katie says she’s a delight, and Jo says she’ll just go home to cry.

Andy wants to talk about the real star of Vanderpump Rules this season – Ann. Scheana says she thought he was going to say, Summer Moon, and he says, she’s a close second. He says, Sandoval had Ann doing some tough tasks, like cleaning up after parties – we see that, and I think, blech! – and picking up underwear. Sandoval insists Ann never touched dirty laundry. He had her tidy up and clean up after a party, which is in the job description. Andy says, Ann quickly threw her name into Ariana’s assistant pool. Why does Ariana think she was so eager to jump ship? Ariana says she thinks Anna was excited to work with and for other women and was at a point where she wanted something new. Andy asks what bothered Sandoval most, and he says he felt betrayed. To do it on camera was a kick to the gut. Your wish is granted. Go work somewhere else. Andy says, the pets were dealing with the fallout of their parents’ breakup. He reminds Ariana of Mya getting int to the chicken skewers, which he thinks is a little gross. Ariana says, it’s her space, and Andy asks if there were any ground rules. Sandoval says, things come up that need to be taken care of before they turn into a bigger problem. He had to go in because of an air conditioning issue and doesn’t know whether he or Ann left the door open, since they were both in there.  Andy asks how it should have been handled, and Ariana says she should have been consulted about someone going into the only area she had in the house that was her own. She understands things need to be done, but it’s all she had. Andy asks what the discussion was about pet custody, and Sandoval says, there was no discussion. It was ruled Ariana was taking it. I note he says it, which rubs me the wrong way. Ariana says she had Kitty before she lived in LA. She bought Mya and the adoption is in her name. Sandoval makes faces, and James says, Sandoval was okay with Raquel taking Graham/Hippie. He was the dog’s secret new daddy while he was getting his d*ck wet. If Sandoval had no problem with that then, he should have no problem with this now. Sandoval says he’s keeping his mouth shut about the things he’s heard, but James says, he hasn’t heard sh*t. Sandoval tells him to get off his high horse, and James says he’s galloping away while Sandoval is in a swamp. Eat a d*ck. Sandoval tells James, you eat a d*ck. And there we have it.

Next time – Reunion Part 3 and the last of it. Andy says they never aired the last few minutes of the finale. He wants them to watch it together as a group. I’m guessing that has something to do with the hot mic at the end. As he bawls, Sandoval tells Ariana that he did the thing he said he’d never do and regrets it every day. Arina says she just wants him away from her. She just wants him gone.

🪤 Catching My Own Dreams…

Join me tomorrow for soap, a little tea, and finding out which Chef comes out on Top. Until then, stay safe, stay ever learning and growing as a person, and stay giving your desires your all, rather than not trying at all.