Author Archives: theresakp

Dec19

December 18, 2015 — GH, No GH, Mini Chefs & Friday Night Zombies

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital — Thursday

Alexis asks Molly to try and be nice to Julian when they’re at the Nutcracker Gala. Molly tries to get out of going by saying she needs to look after Sam. Alexis says Sam can look after herself just fine.  Mystery occasional daughter Christina arrives.

There’s something wrong with the mic system at the gala. Tracy is worried that no one will hear Paul’s speech. Little hearts pop out of her eyes like in the Pepe LePew cartoons.

Franco sees Elizabeth at the hospital and he ducks. Then he asks if she’d go to the gala with him.

Robin tells nice dude Henrico that he’s the first guard who’s ever been nice to her and maybe she can return the favor. Wet blanket Jerry Jax comes in the room.

Anna tells Patrick that they might be on a wild goose chase. He says he doesn’t think so because of the necklace. She says maybe the Cassadines planted it on purpose just to throw them off.

Tracy asks Nina if she’s seen Dillon. Nina says no, but he’s supposed to be working the gala for Crimson.

Dillon sees Maxie outside. They start reminiscing about Georgie.

Elizabeth says she’s not going to the gala with or without Franco. He says he’s not asking her out on a date. He needs to be there for work. He asks if she’s afraid she’ll run into Jason and she says he’d hardly be at a function like that.

Carly checks Jason into the hotel and says let’s get a drink.

Robert says that the WSB has been monitoring the Cassadines. Patrick asks what they know and who has Robin. Anna asks if it’s Jerry Jax.

Henrico tells Jerry he was just about to kill her and Jerry says hurry up then. Jerry also says both Patrick and Anna aren’t far away. Jerry tells Henrico to execute the plan and Robin and don’t make a mess. Robin tries to get Jerry to change his mind to no avail.

Henrico says there’s nothing he can do, so don’t ask. Robin says he’s wrong. There is one last thing.

Christina asks Sam prying questions about her love life. Christina says exams ended early and Alexis says good, she can go to the gala too. Sam gets her jacket on and says she has a quick errand to run, but hopes everyone has a good time.

Christina asks Molly about their mother’s password. She says she doesn’t want to, but she has to hack into Alexis’s account.

Maxie and Dillon think about Georgie as they look up at the stars. Dillon gives Maxie and envelope. We don’t see it, but I assume a picture of Georgie is inside.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he knows she’s feeling all alone in the world right now and does she have a dress?

Carly asks if Jason wants a martini, but he says scotch will do the trick. She says she thinks she’ll join him. They drink to friendship. Jason tells her to go ahead and say she told him so. She says she had no idea Elizabeth knew all that time. He asks if she thinks it’s for the best, and she says Elizabeth always tried to turn him into the person she needed and he’s not that person. Jason says he wasn’t ready to listen before, but who’s he supposed to be? Carly says he has to figure it out for himself.

Henrico is listening to opera and Robin makes chitchat about it. She says her family traveled all the way to Pars and she can’t bear for them not to know what happened. Henrico says there’s nothing he can do. She asks if he was named for the guy in the opera who was a hero and tells him he needs to do the right thing.

Patrick says the last time Emma and Robin talked, it wasn’t their regular time and he thinks Robin was trying to tell them something.

Christina is working the laptop like a boss and thinks up a password I never would have. She looks at Alexis’s email and Molly reads something about disciplinary action with Christina at school. Christina deletes it before she can finish and says why ruin Christmas?

Maxie says she was going to visit Georgie’s memorial stone, but this is better. She asks if Dillon ever talks to Georgie. She says she does and it helps and hurts at the same time. Dillon says he thinks of both the high and low points of their relationship and it was everything. Maxie says she used to love the holidays, but now, not so much. Dillon identifies and so do I. Maxie says this year she has to work and they’d better get going before Nina sends out a search party.

Sam wants to leave something for Patrick at the hospital, but is told he’s on a leave of absence. Elizabeth pops out asking what does she expect, since she turned everyone’s lives upside down. Boo! Hiss!

Carly says normally she likes to interfere, but Jason should trust himself and that he has good instincts. Jason balks and Carly points out instances in the past seven months when he’s used them.

Patrick’s phone rings and it’s Robin. She says her neighbor told her he was looking for her. She finds out that Emma is there too. Robin says good-by and says she’s off to Elysium.

Alexis asks what’s going on and Christina says something about needing the computer for school work. When she goes back upstairs, Molly asks what kind of trouble Christina is in. Christina avoids the question.

Carly asks Jason to come to the gala. She says neither Elizabeth nor Sam will be there. She says he and Sonny can be miserable together. He says he only has a duffel bag of jeans and T-shirts, but Carly says she can set him up with one phone call.

Elizabeth, who apparently has no idea why Patrick is away, gives Sam a humongous lecture on how it’s her fault. Sam says for 7 months, she kept Jason’s identity while everyone else suffered. Elizabeth says that Sam is worse, pretending to love Patrick while really wanting Jason.

Robin tells Patrick she loves him and Henrico takes the phone. Impatient Jerry pops in again and says if you want a job done right, do it yourself. Henrico says he doesn’t know what to do about the lab. Jerry says he’ll do that part and Henrico takes Robin out of the lab. She says now they can escape and he needs to live up to his name as a hero. He says endings aren’t always happy and grabs her arm to take her down the hallway.

Patrick asks if Elysium is code for something. Robert says maybe, but Anna says it means “heaven.”

Sam goes home to Alexis’s, who looks absolutely amazing in a navy blue formal gown. Alexis says Sam looks like she wants to punch something and Sam tells her about running into Elizabeth. She also tells Alexis about Patrick and says she can’t figure it out. The ladies all leave for the gala.  Sam sees that Alexis forgot her check, but it’s too late, she’s gone. Fastest pulling out of a driveway ever.

Nina explains how she wants the guests’ pictures taken (in a bower of white branches) to Dillon. She chastises Dillon and Maxie for being late. Maxie says they’re here now and has Dillon take Nina’s photo.

Carly shows up at the gala with Jason. Monica says it’s great to see them. Carly says she left her phone at the bar and Jason goes back to get it. Monica thanks Carly for getting him there.

Franco and Elizabeth arrive. Franco says he’s proud of her for facing her challenges. He rambles and she tells him to stop talking.

Anna wonders if Robin knows they’re here. Robert says she isn’t in the compound anymore but is on the island and they’re going to have to hurry. Patrick wants to go with them. Robert says it’s dangerous, but there really isn’t much argument. Oh, yay, a hero moment for the lip gloss king.

Monica asks where Paul is and Tracy says he must have gotten tied up, but he’ll be there. Monica says she has to admit, the artwork from Ava is top-notch, but she still didn’t invite her. Alexis gets there and realizes she forgot the check. While she runs out, Christina makes sure her phone doesn’t have the message from the school

Maxie says Nina is really getting the hang of things. Franco shows up and says that Nina looks more beautiful every time he sees her. He says he brought a colleague.

Sam shows up with the check and sees Elizabeth. Jason sees the both of them. Soap opera faces all around.

The Scorpios get their old moves back and bust into the lab. With Anna and Robert’s guns drawn on Jerry, Patrick backs him up against the wall. Jerry says they’re too late, Robin is dead.

Monday – the Nutcracker Gala and more Scorpio fun!

General Hospital — Friday

I started typing until I realized they’re repeating the Thanksgiving episode. What ? Why? My only guess is that they got scared. When I turned it on, George Stephanopoulos was talking. I have no idea about what, since I was cursing him and my life at that moment, but then he went away. Whatever it was must have scared ABC into showing a repeat because they feared the viewers’ wrath should there have been  a total preemption. Better to just put the show off totally.

Master Chef Junior

I always preface this with how I don’t say much about this show because I’m snarky and mocking children isn’t my thing. I do love this show though, and Gordon Ramsey rocks. It’s nice to see his kinder, gentler side.

Tonight, the kids have to recreate a dish that they’ll be tasting while blindfolded. This is tough when the adults do it, never mind someone whose palate hasn’t been around the world yet. Oh, and they have 60 minutes to do it.

The team challenge, with the captains being the winners of the taste challenge, is to run a restaurant. Again this is similar to the adult version of either Master Chef or Hell’s Kitchen. They both blend in together after a while.  One team has ingredients from New England and the other, New Mexico.  I always feel bad for whoever’s picked last when it’s a team challenge.

A whole bunch of grandmas – and I mean that literally – are the judges, so I’m thinking maybe they’ll go easy on the kids, but then again, maybe not. It all looks good to me.

Speaking of Hell’s Kitchen, it’s premiering January 15.

The blue team wins, with Addy heading them once again. I predict her for the win.

Don’t worry kids who went home – one of whom was a surprise to me – I can barely get a buffet for 15 catered, never mind cook for an entire restaurant. Job more than well done!

Next week, Graham dresses like a chicken  and eggs are involved.

Z Nation

Citizen Z is trying to contact Addy. Or anybody for that matter. He’s down to his last battery. He’s desperate to tell them to abort the mission because the location has been compromised. The battery runs out and he throws the laptop away.

Vasquez and Roberta have gone inside the renegade diner. Roberta takes some tea from the woman behind the counter. Vasquez passes, but they signal for the others to come in. The counter lady talks about the diner and asks what it’s like out there.

Doc says all Zs. She asks if there’s anywhere safe, and Roberta says a few places, but not many. A car pulls up and it’s nothing good. It’s a bunch of guys from Deliverance and they ask for liquor. They ask if the woman’s name is Annie and when she says yes, the head guy says she’s the one who knows about The Murphy. They want the bounty.

Main dude buys a round of drinks for everyone. (Does anyone use money? What do they use?) The guy says they have The Murphy sedated and show them a zombie on a leash. Obviously not Murphy. Murphy is dressed like a woman with a scarf over his face. When head dude asks for a dance he pretends to be shy. Head dude throws something at Murphy and all the guns come out.

He says he’s noticed the real Murphy and his Murphy move at the same time. He’s getting suspicious about Murphy and while he’s talking his own zombie takes a bite out of him. There’s a mini shoot out and Annie stops it with her own gun. She sees that Muphy is the real deal

10K has been shot. Annie goes outside and fires a flare to contact Dr. Merch and what’s left of the CDC lab. 10K is losing a lot of blood. Murphy asks questions about where Dr. Merch has been hiding, but Annie says it’s classified.

Citizen Z packs up a sled, along with Pup, and says they’re not coming back.

A military team approaches the diner. Roberta asks Murphy if he’s ready. He says no, but when has that ever mattered? Roberta tells the lieutenant that Murphy is there. The Lt calls him “The Murphy” and Murphy says he doesn’t know where the “The” came in.  10K is taken out on a stretcher. Roberta tells the lieutenant to treat Murphy humanely. He say’s they’ll treat him like the celebrity he’s about to become. Addy says don’t forget the little people. Doc wants to go with 10K, but there isn’t enough room.

I don’t like this one bit.

Murphy tells Vasquez he’s sorry about Vasquez’s family. Doc says no good-by? Murphy holds out his hand, but Doc hugs him. Murphy gives Doc an Ace playing card and Doc gives Murphy a z-weed joint.  Murphy says good-by to Roberta. He says who knows, maybe he’ll actually do something good and she says they’re counting on him.

The caravan leaves. They start to clean up, but as Doc is removing a body, a shot hits it. Operation Bite Mark duck for cover. It’s the Zeros shooting up the place. We hear La Reina calling Roberta to come and get some mercy.

She’s looking pretty jacked up, hair all crazy and fire in her eyes. A gun battle ensues and La Reina tells her troops to advance. Annie, who’s pretty mean with a gun herself, calls everyone inside. La Reina has Dr. Kurian’s head in a box. When he starts being annoying, she closes the box. She looks through the site of her gun for Roberta.

Annie shows OBM her arsenal. She says she’s low on ammo, but they can give them hell in the meantime. It’s suddenly quiet, which Roberta says worries her more.

Murphy is on a submarine along with 10K, who is wheeled into surgery. They tell Murphy 10K is in good hands and he continues with Dr. Merch and the lieutenant. The doctor asks if Murphy has had any side effects, and Murphy says he is a walking side effect. The lieutenant talks about the development of a whole new world and tells Murphy that Zona (a reference to another episode) is not only real, it’s the future. At the beginning of the apocalypse, some businessmen and scientists created a new world on a zombie free island. Murphy notices that some of the crew have funny eyes. He says if they’re going to save the human race, they’d better get to it.

La Reina says she just wants Murphy. Roberta says too late, he’s gone. Vasquez tries to shoot La Reina, but misses. The back row of troops runs swords through the front row and uses them as shields like Uma Thurman in whichever Kill Bill movie that was.

Annie  gets shot and turns into a zombie. After a small tussle, Doc gives her mercy.

The Zeros are getting in.

Back at the sub, the doctor is preparing Murphy for giving some blood samples for tests. He asks her what the deal is with the crews’ eyes. She said it was a side effect of one of the early vaccines given to people on Zona . She says that some of the earliest people are losing their immunity and turning. She says that’s why they need him, especially the founder of Zona. He says he thought the vaccine was for everybody, and the doctor is a little vague in that it sounds like maybe when they get around to it, the peons will get a turn. Dr. Merch asks questions about childhood diseases and the usual medical background. When she asks id he has children, Murphy says that’s kind of personal and doesn’t answer.

Murphy asks for privacy, and Dr. Merch asks the guards to leave. When they’re gone, Murphy turns on her. He says he doesn’t want to be a blood bag for some billionaires when he traveled all that way and went through so much to save all of humanity.

It doesn’t look good for OBM. A big Zero dude is swinging around a mean looking weapon. Roberta shoots, but she’s out of bullets and the gun just makes that clicking sound. We both say, oh sh*t. Addy tries to fight him, but he breaks her weapon and hits her with his. While she’s down, she still has enough strength to hit him where it counts. In the meantime Roberta has reloaded and shoots him.

La Reina come drags her sorry self over to Roberta. She says it’s good to see her and can they talk like sisters. She says she’s unarmed and it’s not too late for Roberta to  be her right hand. She asks Roberta to help her find Murphy. Roberta says the CDC has him. La Reina says that was a big mistake.  They go head to head and it’s a pretty good fight scene. Again very Tarantino.

Finally Roberta is down and La Reina is standing over her, but Escorpion runs her through with a sword. What?

Citizen Z is pulling the sled with Pup in it through the snow. He doesn’t look too good. I’m always worried about him and Pup.

Roberta comes too and can’t believe Escorpion is there. Vasquez knocks him in the head and Roberta says he saved her life. Addy is surprised he’d kill his queen. He says she wasn’t human anymore. He says he won’t rob Vasquez of his revenge and he’s not afraid to die. He apologizes for killing Vasquez’s family and says he realized it was the worst thing he ever did and he wanted to die too. The rest of OBM leave the room so Vasquez can make his decision. They hear a gunshot and Escorpion comes out. They run in and Vasquez is sitting at the bar. He says he couldn’t do it and Roberta says she’s glad for him.

He’s looking at a picture of his wife and daughter. He says his mission is over. Roberta says it’s time to say good-by. Oh come on. Say something. She leaves and tells the others that Vasquez is alive, but he’s not coming with them. Doc asks what they’re doing now and Roberta says she doesn’t know.

An alarm is sounding on the sub. 10K is alone and gets off of the examining table.

Escorpion pulls up alongside OBM he asks if they need a ride. He says he’s got enough food, ammo and z-weed for a month. Addy tells Roberta they can always kill him and steal the truck. She’s kidding. I hope.

Vasquez is just sitting by himself looking at the picture. He rolls his bandana and puts it around his head. He leaves the diner to face a crowd of zombies and begins shooting and running.

Doc says he hates to admit it but he misses Murphy. Escorpion says he didn’t know him long, but Murphy seemed like kind of a dick.

They get to a cliff and look out to the ocean. The sub is burning. A small boat is jetting across the water from it. Doc looks through binoculars, and sees Murphy, but not 10K. The sub blows up. Addy starts to freak.

Some military planes fly overhead and Doc says they don’t look American. Roberta says, they’re not, and a bunch of military guys with guns pop out of the woods.

We get closer to the boat. Murphy is controlling it, as he’s bitten the lieutenant and Dr. Merch. 10K is playing the part of a soldier in a helmet.

Nooo! Citizen Z is conscious, but frozen in his tracks. He sees someone coming toward him, but does he really?

In the final reel, we see Murphy’s daughter who, no surprise, is growing like a weed. She’s controlling her foster parents who have now been turned into hybrid zombies.

While Z Nation will be back next year (they didn’t exactly say when), why must we have these hiatuses? I wish we could just go back to normal TV seasons where we were on a school year schedule and we had the summer off.

Dec17

December 16, 2015 — GH & 1989

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Jerry Jax is hassling Robin. He wants a definitive yes or no on whether her work has been successful. How is she supposed to get anything done with him bugging her all the time?

Anna tells Mac he’s done enough, but he wants to follow through with getting the goods on Paul. He tells her the information he has about Paul, none of which is very helpful, and says he’s talked to everyone, so he doesn’t know where to go from here. Not everyone, says Anna, and I already know she must mean Tracy.

Yep. Paul and Tracy are walking through a winter wonderland and I’m wondering where they are since it’s not snowing in New York where Port Charles is supposed to be.

Ava runs into Kiki while she’s delivering paintings for the auction. Ava tells her there’s someone who needs her, but it’s not Ava.

In the Corrinthos  household, Sonny is exercising and Carly thinks that Morgan is still sleeping, but he walks through the front door. Sonny asks if he’s been out all night. Morgan says yes and so what? He says he slept on the couch at a friend’s house. Friends they don’t know. He gets kind of testy and Carly asks if he’s taking his meds. He shakes his pill bottle at them and says yes, like showing them the bottle makes it so. He goes upstairs.

Ava says she’s clear on Kiki’s feeling toward her, but she wants Avery to know her big sister. She wants Kiki to come over on Christmas. Kiki says Avery is too young to know what’s going on. Ava says she will one day and asks Kiki to put their differences aside and give Avery a merry Christmas.

Tracy flatters Paul, saying he’s a genius at his job and has really come through for Dillon. Paul says they set the bar low at his job, but Dillon is doing well. He got a job at Crimson and he’s going to stay in Port Charles. Tracy says they’re a family again for the first time in a long time, and she thinks that’s part of why Dillon is shaping up. Carrrlos is eavesdropping.

Sabrrrina asks Dr. Lee if she can speak with her. The doctor says sure, but Michael pops out of nowhere and says let’s go over the sonogram. Sabrrrina must want to punch him in the nose by now, since he doesn’t give her a moment’s peace.  Dr. Lee says the sono looks great and the development is right on track. Sabrrina is like, cool, let’s go, but Michael says hold on there, I have a few questions. He says according to the internet, the baby is big. Dr. Lee says stay off of google and the baby is in the range it’s supposed to be.

Mac says Dillon probably doesn’t know much and Tracy isn’t going to help. Anna agrees that she’d probably just tip Paul off. She has a call in to someone who might be able to help with the autopsy report.  Mac says it’s good to see her back to her old self. Anna says she feels like she has a way forward now and needs to find out what happened and why.

Emma and Patrick are in Paris and go to the address they think they have for Robin – where they send letters from Emma – but it’s an antique shop. Patrick tells Emma that he must have put the wrong address into his phone.

Jerry says that Robin’s 48 hours are up, and she says she’s had a breakthrough. She’s found the secret to immortality.

Carly says it’s too soon for Morgan to be out all night. Sonny says as a father, he agrees, but as someone who is bi-polar, he gets where Morgan is coming from and how much he hates people watching him all the time. Carly wants to count his pills, but Sonny says don’t do it. Just as she’s about to, Morgan comes downstairs. He gets livid, but counts out the pills and proves he’s been taking them. (Well, not really, he could have thrown them out.) He stalks out and Sonny tells Carly they need to make a plan so they know what to do when Morgan has another episode.

Ava and Kiki go down Christmas Memory Lane and talk about seeing the Rockefeller Center tree. Kiki almost starts laughing, but then shuts down and says she doesn’t want to discuss it. Ava asks her to please just think about Avery, and Kiki says okay. Ava texts Paul, saying she’s had a victory and to meet her at her place later.

Tracy asks what’s up with the text and Paul says he can handle it later. They kiss. Well, Tracy really kisses Paul, but he’s okay with it too.

Anna says if she can find Carrrlos, she can get him to turn state’s evidence. She says if she’s correct, Paul also killed Sloane. She gets a call and says they might be able to prove something after all.

Robin says that she thinks someone’s personality can be preserved digitally. Jerry says that’s sci/fi stuff, but can she really do that? She says she needs more time and he heaves a huge sigh, but asks how much.

There’s a knock at Patrick’s door. It’s the lady from the antique shop who got a note from him. He says that’s the address he had for his wife. The lady asks if that’s Robin Scorpio, and Patrick asks if she knows where Robin is. The lady says no, but she might be able to tell him what happened. He invites her in. She says that her address is similar to one on the other side of town, and often people get them confused. The lady is getting ready to leave when Emma says she likes her necklace. Patrick gives the necklace a weird look. After the lady leaves, Emma tells Patrick that Spencer has same necklace

Jerry asks what the timeline is, five or ten years? Robin says it could be longer. Jerry says he needs something that he can sell to the highest bidder now and her time is up.

Tracy is like, I don’t know where that came from, but says it’s nice having Paul around. She jets out of there like a bat out of hell. Carrrlos pops out and Paul hands him an envelope. Paul says he took a huge chance coming back and to get lost until Paul needs him for something else. Paul says he’ll be lucky if Sabrrrina doesn’t turn him in and Carrrlos says she wouldn’t turn in the father of her child.

Dr. Lee says Sabrrrina and baby are progressing right on schedule. Sabrrrina says she has to refill her prenatal vitamins and is going to meet Felix after, so Michael should run along. After he leaves, Dr. Lee says Sabrrina has enough vitamins and she knows the baby is further along than it should be. She assumes Michael isn’t the father. Sabrrina thanks her for not saying anything in front of Michael and the doctor says she’s bound by doctor/patient confidentiality.

Carly asks Ava if Avery can spend some unsupervised time on Christmas with Sonny. For Avery’s sake. Ha-ha! That’s the same argument Ava used with Kiki.

Morgan goes to the MetroCourt and Kiki asks how he’s doing. He says he’d be better if everyone would get off his back. She says she relates and tells him about Ava trying to get her to come over. Morgan tells her about counting out his pills for Carly to prove he’s taking his meds, and Kiki says but he isn’t. When they were bussing the table the last time Morgan was there, they found his pills. Told you.

Morgan says he can’t catch a break anywhere. He says he told the doctor he lost them and the doctor issued replacements. I don’t think that’s how that works. He asks why Kiki even cares since she just wants to be friends. She says she cares because she is a friend. He makes a big deal about asking her for water so he can take his pills.

Ava says she has plans. Carly says how about before her plans? Ava says to be clear, Carly is asking her to give Sonny an unsupervised visit on Christmas with Avery? When Carly says yes, Ava says absolutely not.

Michael tells Sonny he’s worried about him, but Sonny says there’s nothing to worry about. He says PT is going well and Epiphany is a real drill sergeant. He asks how the baby is. Michael says he just came from an appointment and they’re fine. Sonny says he can tell something’s wrong and Michael says he thinks Sabrrrina is hiding something.

Paul tells Carrrlos the baby means everything to the Quartermaines. Carrrlos tells Paul he might have abandoned his son as a baby, but he doesn’t roll like that. Paul says he needs to get out of the country until Paul needs him again. Carrrlos says he’s in no hurry because, thanks to Paul, everyone thinks he’s dead. Carrrlos had better watch it or he’s going to really be dead.

Anna says there’s a blood sample on file from Carrrlos, and it can be compared to the DNA on the necklace. She says they have nothing for Sloane though, and Mac tells her that while he was in Sloane’s apartment, he took Sloane’s toothbrush. Anna is ecstatic. She gets a call from Patrick who tells her he’s in Paris, but Robin isn’t there, and he doesn’t think she ever was.

Morgan apologizes. Kiki accepts. He says he needs all the friends he can get, and she says please just take your pills. Carly shows up and apologizes to Morgan. She says she just did it out of love, and Morgan says okay. Carly tells Kiki she appreciates her standing by Morgan. Kiki says she just wants to see him get better. Carly says if he listens to the doctor, he’ll get on track, but left untreated, his illness can get worse.

Tracy and Ava literally bump into each other.

Paul says there’s dead and there’s dead, and which one would Carrrlos prefer? Carrlos says don’t worry, he’s leaving. He doesn’t want to end up in Pentenville or worse. He adds that someday, somehow though, he will be with Sabrrrina.

Dr. Lee says the stress of keeping her secret isn’t helping Sabrrrina. Sabrrrina says if she tells Michael, she’ll break his heart. The doctor says he’s already asking questions, she’s going to deliver way early, and at least she would be taking control of the situation if she told him.

Sonny tells Michael that all women act weird when they’re pregnant and not to worry about it. Michael asks if he misses Avery. Sonny says yes, and he can’t wait to see her, but he wishes he’d be standing when he does. Michael asks Sonny if it bothers him that Sabrrina was involved with the man who shot him. Sonny says he’s just glad Sabrrrina ditched Carrrlos.

Anna is like, what the blip do you mean Robin isn’t there? She says maybe Patrick wrote the address down wrong. Patrick says that he thinks the Cassadines are involved because their family crest was on the antique store lady’s necklace. Anna says wait right there. She tells Mac she has to head to Paris.

Robin tells Jerry this will be a tremendous achievement for him. He says he needs something that will turn a profit like yesterday. I guess everyone is hurting economically, even Jerry Jax. He says her time has run out and tells the lackey in the hall to kill her. (Said lackey was being nice to her earlier, so I’m guessing she’s going to use that and escape.) Geez, I’d say Jerry owes Robin at least another year for all the time he took up asking her the same questions repeatedly and saying “time’s up” over and over.

Tomorrow – Robert is here! And more repercussions for Elizabeth.

Then and Now With Andy Cohen

This episode covered 1989. I know a lot happened with me in that year, but apparently the rest of the world was busy too. The Berlin Wall came down, Rob Lowe embarrassed himself with a sex tape, Madonna scandalized with Like a Prayer and The Simpsons ruled television.

I highly recommend this retrospective mini-series, which I’m sure will be rerun a thousand times on Bravo.  I could watch this stuff all day long. Unfortunately, there’s only one more episode. I’m wondering why just a few episodes, and who picked the arbitrary years?

Dec16

December 15, 2015 — No GH, But Lots of Wives

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Not that I don’t realize I’m mostly writing this for my own amusement, just in case, I have no General Hospital recap today. It was on, but I was also on the phone with a friend who is ill with pulmonary fibrosis. She’s bedridden and will eventually succumb to the disease, so she trumps everything with the exception of a house fire.

I did have it on though, and it doesn’t look like it was too exciting. The takeaway points I got from the muted TV were that Johnny did nothing to Valerie – yet. He “fixed” her car and gained her trust so that she won’t suspect what’s coming; and Elizabeth told Carly what happened and I’m sure Carly did cartwheels in her head.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

LisaV and Kyle are enjoying shopping in Italy. Kyle says it’s fun shopping in Europe because you can get things you can’t get in the US. In other words, make your friends jealous with something they can’t run out and buy. She still needs to find a dress for Nicky’s wedding, which just boggles my mind considering how many dresses she already owns. She should have known she was going to end up re-invited. Lisa says Kyle isn’t in an easy position because of the family drama. She says because she doesn’t have any sisters, it’s hard for her to totally get it.

LisaR is taking her daughters for mani/pedis.  One of the girls wants to stay out past 11 and Lisa says that nothing good happens for a teenager after 11 pm, but she agrees. I always thought it was midnight, but okay. She says with teenagers, it’s negotiation all day long. She tells the girls about LisaV getting the tiny horse for Ken’s birthday.

Eileen has the same problem we all do. Vince likes to sit around while she’s busting a move getting kids ready and cleaning up before she goes to work. Soap stars, they’re just like us! Her son, Jesse, had been home schooled in a co-op the previous year, so she’s nervous about him going back to regular school. She says she doesn’t know what it is with men but they don’t hear a female voice. Then she ends up repeating herself and becomes annoying to herself. Soap stars! So much like us it’s sad!

LisaV and Ken are going to Monte Carlo, while Kyle goes on to London for Nicky’s wedding. Giggy! Ken is going to be 70 soon, so Lisa is not only getting him the smallest horse in the world, she’s planning a big birthday lunch.

Yolanda is having a vitamin C IV to boost her immune system. She says she’s pretty much done it all at this point. Her friend, new Housewife Erika, is going with her. Erika doesn’t look too pleased about that needle going in though. She says next time she takes a needle with Yolanda, it had better be Botox. What’s going to happen years from now when they find out what putting botulism close to your brain really does? Remember when your mother telling you that your face was going to freeze like that was a bad thing?

LisaR and Eileen meet for lunch. They’re both wearing leopard prints, so Lisa leaves her jacket on. Kyle joins them. Kyle says the trip was great, the wedding was magical, but she’s glad to be home. Eileen asks about Kim. Kyle says she’s in rehab, but she doesn’t know much else. We flash back to Kim’s craziness. Eileen says she thought Kim escaped. Lisa says the word used was “fled.” I thought she just checked herself out and then went on to shoplift. They talk a little about Kim getting nailed for drunk and disorderly at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Kyle feels a little uncomfortable talking about it and I can understand that.

Eileen says Yolanda isn’t looking too good. Kyle says if Yolanda is doing everything with no improvement, maybe she needs to consider it’s not Lyme disease. Kyle talks again about how she had so many symptoms after her mother died and it turned out to be depression.

The two Lisas are going to pick up the horse in Ohio. LisaV has told Ken she’s having a spa day. They fly to Ohio in a small chartered plane that looks pretty comfortable on the inside. LisaR says “yee-ha!” when they get there, but LisaV says she doesn’t think this is yee-ha country. Being from Ohio, I concur. While they’re in the limo, a huge thunderstorm comes up and LisaR hopes it isn’t a sign from God.

New Housewife Erika was a broke waitress when she met her husband, who had been her customer for a year before she gave him her number. He’s a famous lawyer who was involved in the Erin Brochovich case. She says being broke sucks and being rich is better, but it doesn’t change anyone. If you were an a-hole to begin with, you’re a rich a-hole, and the same if you’re a sweetheart. Erika says she’s been called a golddigger and knew it was coming because of the age difference. They’ve been married 15 and a half years though, and it sure looks legit to me.

The tiny horse, Rosebud, is wearing a tutu and I squee. So do the two Lisas. LisaR says she can’t wait for Rosebud to be a part of the family and thinks Ken is going to love her. Who wouldn’t love the tiniest horse in the world? LisaR says the horse is a little fat. LisaV says don’t say that because the horse might hear. Rosebud doesn’t seem to walk quite evenly, but the owner says she’s fine. The two Lisas aren’t so sure though.

The owner says if there were going to be problems, Rosebud would have exhibited them by now. Hmm…isn’t favoring a leg a problem? The two Lisas confer and LisaV says she wants to take Rosebud home, but she isn’t sure if she can handle a horse that will have future issues. She calls Ken and tells him what’s going on. So much for the surprise. LisaR says she can see LisaV has fallen for the horse. LisaV decides that she’s going to have a vet look at the horse and if all is well, have the horse delivered. They can’t get to the alcohol fast enough.

Giggy! Even though the surprise has been spoiled, but Ken is okay with that. I’m sure when it comes to Lisa, he’s probably okay with just about anything.

Erika says her alter ego is Erika Jayne. Apparently, she’s a video artist and says she’s had 8 number one hits on the Billboard dance charts. She’s meeting with her fashion designer and then having a rehearsal. I’ve never heard of her, but it looks like she knows her stuff.

LisaV is preparing for the birthday lunch with Kevin Lee helping. No surprise, everything looks fabulous. Lisa has a hat tree for the ladies to select a beautiful hat to wear. The lunch is being held in one of the gardens. Taylor shows up with her new husband. “Here comes a certain amount of trouble,” Lisa says. Taylor is moving back to Beverly Hills and says there’s a house available on Lisa’s street. Lisa says, no.

LisaR shows up with a pony on a stick like little kids play with. Lots of Giggy since Ken is carrying him around, along with another Pomeranian wearing clothing. I wonder if they took in another pup with alopecia. Camille and Kyle arrive and they talk a bit about the little horse. Kyle thinks it’s a possibility the horse might be pregnant and now that she said it…um…yeah.

Rain clouds threaten to ruin things, but they sit down to lunch. Taylor brings up how Yolanda’s selfies look happy one day and not so much the next. There’s some discussion about Yolanda’s treatments, and Taylor intimates maybe she’s not really sick. Both Lisas think she’s overstepping a bit.

LisaV makes a toast to Ken. She says she’s spent half his life with him and he continues to inspire her. At the end, she adds that he “might be 70 in a few days, but I guarantee you’ll be staying at 69 very soon.” That’s a direct quote, so don’t blame me for what you can’t unhear.  I actually think they have an amazing marriage and wish I had married an older rich guy.

It finally starts to rain, so they move indoors. A few of the ladies stay outside under a gazebo. Kyle decides to wade in the infinity pool and Eileen joins her. The Lisas follow and soon everyone is in the pool with their clothes on.  LisaV says it was an elegant English garden party and suddenly it turned into wet and wild. Ken gets dragged in too, and she adds that with him floating in a pool surrounded by a gaggle of gorgeous women, he’s not likely to forget his birthday anytime soon.

Next week we see what Ken ends up getting for his birthday and some of the ladies discuss the possibility that Yolanda has Munchhausen’s Syndrome.

Dec15

December 14, 2015 — GH, a party at SUR & a Quote

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Paul, Tracy and Monica get together to plan the Nutcracker Gala. Monica wants to get going to push ticket sales, but Tracy wants to decide who’s making the keynote speech. She suggests Paul.

Lulu asks Johnny if he came up with a plan to get rid of Valerie. He says first he needs to know more about her. Lulu gets a text from Dante, but she says it’s nothing important and ignores it.

Dante tells Jordan he signed the final separation papers. He’s surprised Jordan doesn’t give him a lecture, but she says sometimes when things are over, they’re over.

Hayden tells Curtis that to get the gun, he’ll need to bribe someone. Nicholas comes by and asks who her friend is. I’m sure she’ll have a good answer. She’s no slouch in the lying department.

Elizabeth finds Jason on the porch. He’s getting a call from Sam, but he doesn’t answer. Elizabeth gets way too obviously excited. I hope he douses all her hopes with some really cold water because I hate her so much.

Paul balks at making the speech. He says he needs to check with his assistant and steps away.

Johnny asks if that was a text from Dante, and Lulu repeats it was nothing important. She says since he’s a fugitive, they have to use their time wisely, and wants to get going on the plan. She says as long as Valerie is around, she and Dante won’t have a chance at getting back together. Lulu gives Johnny Valerie’s particulars. When Johnny finds out she’s at the police academy, he goes to the website.

Jordan tells Dante that moving on and letting go is part of life. She says if things are really over, then they should be over, and that a lot of people have trouble accepting when good things go bad. She makes a little speech that sounds like she’s talking about herself.

Hayden introduces Curtis as an interior designer that she’s hired to redesign ELQ’s offices, and says that she wanted to surprise him. Curtis is amazing at playing along and has an answer for everything. Curtis is a fine looking man too, so I’m hoping when things finally go south with Nicholas, Hayden will pair up with him. Curtis leaves. Nicholas says yesterday Hayden told him she was going to reduce the work force and today she’s redecorating. He asks what up wit dat?

Too bad Elizabeth. Jason is there to figure out what they’re going to tell Jake about his moving out. Ah-ha! in Nelson voice.

Monica tells Tracy her brain went on vacation and her libido took over. Tracy says the only connection she and Paul have is that he’s Dillon’s father. Monica tells her to be careful and remember what a lout Paul was when they were married. She says the last time Tracy followed her heart, they almost lost ELQ.

Dante says just when he thinks he has a hold on everything, something else pops up. He says walking away from the mess he created isn’t the answer.

Johnny asks for Dante’s password which happens to be Dante and Lulu’s wedding day. Lulu goes down Memory Lane about the wedding. Johnny puts in the password and finds the cadets’ schedule. He says he has to get going and Lulu says hold on, you’re a wanted man. He says it’s not like he’s Public Enemy #1.

Hayden says she’ll be cutting dead wood and insignificant jobs. She says she can tell Curtis forget it though, if he wants. Nicholas says it’s fine, but he needs a drink. He tells her Elizabeth’s fears have been realized.

Elizabeth tells Jason he should take some time to think things out. Nice try. She says maybe she can make up for what she did. Jason says he’s going upstairs to pack. Good. Don’t let her suck you in.

Paul says his schedule is clear and he’ll be happy to make the keynote speech. He tells Monica that he already has someone working on selling tickets and making sizable donations even if they can’t make it. Monica asks if they have any more ideas for raising money and suggests a gun amnesty program attached to the gala. Because that makes total sense…not.

Jordan tells Valerie she’s one of their most promising cadets. She tells her that it’s a critical time and she needs to focus if she’s going to get through training. She says she’s noticed Valerie checking out Dante and just because he and Lulu are separated, that doesn’t mean they won’t get back together.

Lulu wants to know what Johnny’s plans are, but he says the less she knows, the better.

Curtis calls in a favor from a cop he knows and gets into the evidence room.

Nicholas tells Hayden about what happened with Elizabeth and Jason. Nicholas says Jason already knows he was involved and has probably figured out that Hayden is involved too. Hayden asks if any charges can be brought against them. Nicholas says he’s not sure, but Jason will be providing his own repercussions. Hayden says she doesn’t need any legal trouble right now. Although I don’t think there’s ever a time when anybody needs it.

Elizabeth says that if Jason still loves her, it’s wrong of him to leave. Jason says forget about making it up to him, what about making it up to Jake, Sam and Danny? He says she doesn’t really love him because love takes other people’s feelings into consideration. Elizabeth says Sam and Danny didn’t need him like she and Jake did. She begs his forgiveness. He says he did love her, but the love was built on a lie, and that lie is over. Wild applause from me.

Paul says it’s an interesting and unexpected idea, but how is a gun amnesty going to help Toys for Tots? She says it will both reduce crime and spit shine Paul’s profile. He asks how they would make money on it though. Monica says she’ll donate a thousand bucks for every gun turned in.

Dante shows up at the Haunted Star. He says she didn’t respond to his text. Lulu says the less time they spend in the same room the better. He says she’s going to hate him for what he has to say.

Jordan sees Curtis and obviously knows him. She asks what he’s doing there.

Diane shows up at Elizabeth’s with the papers Jason requested. She says it’s a confidential matter and puts them in an envelope and tells Elizabeth to give them to Jason. Elizabeth asks what would stop her from opening it when Diane leaves. “Right you are,” says Diane, and puts them in her pocketbook.

Hayden says Jason can easily make trouble for them, between ELQ and his best friend, Sonny. She and Nicholas are about to embrace, but boo! there’s Jason right next to them.

Dante says they need to talk to each other for Rocco’s sake. He tells Lulu that when he went out for baby aspirin, he left Rocco with Valerie. Lulu barely reacts, so he knows Olivia told her already. He says he thought she’d be furious. She says she thought about making a scene, but decided he’s not worth it. She says she refuses to believe that the family they built was meaningless, but his priorities have changed and it hurts. Still, overreacting isn’t going to solve the problem.

Jordan tells Curtis that if he came to Port Charles for her to give him a job, don’t hold his breath. He says he already has a job and he figured since he was in town, he’d congratulate her on her success. He asks how TJ is and reveals that he’s Jordan’s brother.

Diane says on second thought, she’ll just leave Jason a voicemail rather than relying on Elizabeth to give him a message. Elizabeth says Diane doesn’t approve of Jason divorcing Sam. Diane says her approval doesn’t enter into it. Elizabeth tries to be insulting, but Diane just says, sorry, I’ll be going. Elizabeth then starts to act like the pathetic shrew she is and tells Diane to get out.

Jason wants to know how long Nicholas knew and what it was worth. Nicholas says as far as he’s concerned, everyone is better off without him. Jason punches Nicholas in the face.

Paul excuses himself from the meeting, saying he has to get to court. Monica tells Tracy she’s shameless and Tracy says she was more fun when she was a slut. I love these two together.

Curtis tells Jordan to have a nice day and splits. Outside, he takes the gun out of his pocket and puts it in his bag.

A brawl nearly starts in The Floating Rib between Nicholas and Jason, but a couple of guys step in and break it up.

Elizabeth is all weepy and finds a shirt she gave Jason as a present on the floor. She sniffs at it – what is it with her? – and she folds up like a cheap suit.

Lulu says she’s planning on cutting Dante out of her life as much as possible. He says he won’t let Valerie look after Rocco again without her knowing. She tells him to get lost because she has a lot to do. She looks at Valerie’s website pic and says pay back is a bitch.

Valerie’s car breaks down and who is there to help? That’s right. Johnny.

Tomorrow, Franco and Nina! And we’ll see how Johnny is going to “help” Valerie.

Vanderpump Rules

Giggy! (And another cute little dog in an outfit.) Lisa and Ken are meeting with Arielle, who works with homeless teens. Lisa says she’d love to help out. The kids have never been to a restaurant, so she’s going to host a dinner for them.

Tom and Schwartz are going to have another meeting about promoting Lisa’s sangria. Schwartz says he has a problem with the word commitment. Katie says to avoid the term “non-committal” when she’s around. She says she’s allergic to it and it gives her a tingling sensation around her ring finger. Tom says Schwartz should let him do the talking. He says that Schwartz makes him nervous because he’s nervous. Katie says apparently their plan is to not have a plan.

Lala tells Jax that James keeps texting her, but she’s ignoring him. Jax says that’s probably the best idea. Lala says James is like a sad puppy, begging and apologizing. Even though Britney is moving to L.A., Jax is still avoiding any commitment (I’m going to hate that word soon) because she’s not there yet, so he and Lala make plans for drinks.

James’s mother joins him for dinner at SUR. His mother was an Elite model for many years and still looks pretty good. His mother asks about Kristen, but he says it’s way over. His mom says he’s young and should just enjoy himself and avoid drama, as there will be enough later in life. James tears up and I’m wondering why. Because he got rid of that crazy maniac? Oh, never mind, his parents are getting a divorce. I guess that’s hard on a kid no matter how old they are.

He admits to using alcohol to self-medicate. His mother says that it’s no way to deal with things when you’re in a dark place, and she knows of what she speaks having been in the modeling business. She says she loves him and that she’s proud of him. They hug. 1…2…3…awww!

Kristen tells Jax she has a date with some guy named Alex. They’re at the gym, working out with the punching bags and Kristen pretends it’s James’s face. Afterwards, Kristen says she heard a rumor that Jax has broken up with Britney. Jax says they’re just trying to see where things are at and she’s still moving to L.A. Kristen says no way would she ever get back together with James again. Jax suggests she get a dog.

Lisa calls a meeting of the SUR staff. They wonder if they’re in trouble, but Lisa says for once, they’re not. She tells them about Arielle and the dinner they’re going to have for the kids. Good-hearted Scheana says if Lisa can find the time to help, they can too.

Lisa asks Tom how it’s going with the sangria pitch. He seems vague and she tells him he has to do his research. She says she has the feeling they’re not going to be any better prepared than they were at the last meeting. I have the feeling she’s right.

Scheana says she and Shay are going to start therapy and she hopes it’s the start of him turning over a new leaf. Scheana thinks she and Katie should give Lala another chance at being friends, but Katie doesn’t want to because of Lala lying to them.

Jax tells James he was at boxing class with Kristen. James asks if Jax doesn’t think it’s weird to be hanging out with Kristen. In his individual interview, James says maybe Jax and Kristen were made for each other, and I think that’s a possibility since they’re both d-bags. James wonders why Jax was waiting right there when he and Kristen broke up. Tom, Jax and James all start talking at once and I have no idea what they’re saying.

James goes over to Kristen’s apartment. He mentions that Jax told him about her going out with Alex. He says he thought he’d miss Kristen after they broke up, but he’s thinking about Lala more than her. Kristen says he has a lot of nerve, since a few days ago he was telling her he loved her. She also talks about how he paraded his bite marks from Lauren all around. They start to argue. She tells him that he’s going to drink himself into oblivion, lose his job and lose all his friends. He counters with all she has is Jax, that she’ll never get married and if she does, she’ll be divorced In three years. He leaves, spitting on her door on the way out. That pretty much sums up the maturity level of these two.

Jason tells Lisa that he’d like to say his expectations for Tom and Schwartz are high, but they’re really not. Tom and Schwartz show up for the meeting. Schwartz says after a lot of deliberation, they thought the best course of action would be for the two of them to be brand ambassadors. Lisa wonders what he means by that and tells him it’s not a modeling job. Schwartz doesn’t seem to have a solid idea and Tom says he wishes Schwartz would have let him speak first. But when Tom starts talking, it’s even worse. In his individual interview, Tom says, “What is a career anyway? Except the beginning of the march to death.” Avoidance of responsibility, anyone?

Jason says he wonders what they’ve been doing since the last time they met. He says they seemed excited at the last meeting, but seem to have lost their drive. Pandora says they seemed like they wanted to change careers, but now it’s like they want to be the guy with the tray passing out shots. Lisa says if they started on Monday, what would they do? Once again, they’re unclear. They leave the meeting in a cloud of vagueness and I have no idea if they’re going to continue working on this project or what.

Britney arrives for a visit. Jax says when she’s there, she’s the only one he wants to be with, but it gets fuzzy when she’s not around. He also makes it sound like Lala was hitting on him, but being such a great guy, he only had a few drinks with her during the day time. He says he likes Britney a lot and doesn’t want to screw things up. He says she should stay with him, even though we flash back to where he said a thousand times he wasn’t going to let that happen. This girl must be an idiot if she believes anything he says.

Schaena and Katie are getting ready for the teens to come. Giggy! Tom tells Ariana that he should have never let Schwartz speak first. He thinks he was able to rescue things…a little bit. He says they’re taking baby steps, but he’s taking steps. In her individual interview, Ariana suggests they’re fetus steps.

Lala says she feels a little uncomfortable working with James. Kristen told Jax about the door spitting and he says he needs to have a talk with him, changing her story to say that James spit on her. Lala says she really doesn’t want to be a part of it. It’s funny how they all keep talking about how young and immature James is when none of them are much older and not much more mature. Kristen is the exception to everything because she’s batsh*t crazy.

Tom has the idea to have lemonade mocktails on a platter for when the guests first come in. Ariana is annoyed because he didn’t confer with her first.

Lisa wants the kids to feel welcome and have an experience they haven’t had before. Lisa introduces them to Ken and Giggy. Lisa asks the kids questions about their lives. Scheana says that seeing how grateful the kids are, she realizes there are bigger problems in the world than hers. Gee, really? Lisa says life is about give and take, but giving is more important.

Ariana’s 30th birthday is coming up (“six times cooler than your average five-year-old”) and she’s planning a major party. Peter’s also having a birthday soon, and he’s inviting all the guys to Las Vegas. Ariana is annoyed again because she’s feeling left out. She says it’s nice to know that the day after her birthday, Tom is going on a trip where she’s not invited.

Jax confronts James about his craziness at Kristen’s. He says he didn’t spit on her, just on the door. Which makes it okay. Jax is like, you didn’t have to do that, and James says he’ll apologize the next time he sees her. Jax asks if he’s getting tired of saying I’m sorry, and the two of them get into a shouting match. Lisa breaks it up and tells them to go in different directions, but neither of them will shut up. Lisa tells James to go home and adds that if he raises his voice in her restaurant, it will be the last thing he does. She doesn’t mean she’s going to kill him, but that he’ll be fired. At least I think so.

Lisa tells James to calm down, put a smile on his face, and realize how bloody lucky he is. Lisa tells Jax he needs to lower the volume too. Peter asks James what the blip is going on. Lisa tells him if he doesn’t change his attitude immediately, he’s seriously going home. Some days, she must want to bang her head against a wall when she gets home.

Next week – Ariana’s birthday party and Vegas!

Vanderpump Rules After Show – Quote of the Week

I’m just amazed that somebody used the term heteronormative. I thought it was groundbreaking.  Brandy referring to Ariana on Vanderpump Rules.

Dec14

December 13, 2015 — Ash, Andy & Atlanta

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

For the next couple of weeks, much of the regular programming will be trumped by holiday cheer. Like the annual showing of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, where poor Rudolph gets abused by mean Santa. Tonight, Once Upon a Time was eclipsed by a special on the original Disney animated classic, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and The Walking Dead was replaced by an Into the Badlands marathon, another show well worth watching.

So I was left with a couple of bits and pieces and the usual nonsense from Atlanta.

 Ash Vs. Evil Dead

Now that Bruce Campbell has finally succumbed to the will of the fans, he has realized that he is Ash and will be forever more. Gory slapstick mixed with the shaky camera we’ve all come to know and love, this show will never win an Emmy, but as Bill Murray once so beautifully put it, it just doesn’t matter. Starz has thrown us a gruesome bone in the wasteland that is weekend programming, and I’m grateful.

Then & Now with Andy Cohen

If you can catch this show, do. I love the retrospectives. One of my favorite parts of New Year’s Eve is always what I’ve christened, the roll call of the celebrity dead. I also enjoy any trip down Memory Lane involving a year or decade I remember. Andy Cohen is a good choice to host one of these programs because he’s a lover of pop culture who has made himself part of pop culture.

This particular show is about 1994, “the year pop culture pushed back.” That actually sounds like a nonsense statement, and I at first I wondered what was so special about 1994. Actually, a lot. It’s the year that gave us Tonya and Nancy, OJ’s slow speed chase, the suicide of Kurt Cobain, and so much more.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Phaedra, Porsha and a wannabe are going shopping. Porsha talks about working on a Miami trip for the ladies with Kenya. Meanwhile, Sheree, Kandi and Kenya are exploring the still unfinished “Moore Manor,” Kenya tells Kandi it’s a Cynthia re-do, since the boat trip went so horribly wrong. Kim is coming along, which is surprising, for the same reason.

Another Wife Wannabe, Tammy, is joining them on the trip. Kenya uses her phone cam when they board the plane, and we get to see them trying to cram things into the overhead that won’t fit unless Willy Wonka comes by with his shrinking machine.

After the fastest flight in history, they take a limo to the house Kenya rented. Estate really. They’ve decided that since Kandi is pregnant, she can have the master bedroom. Surprisingly thoughtful of them. The house has an infinity pool that I would be spending all my time in. Porsha’s wannabe friend, Shemia (who Kenya keeps calling things like “Shimmy Shimmy Koko Bop” and “Sheneneh”), has met them at the house. Lots of wannabes in this episode. There are two living rooms, and Kim decides she’s sleeping in one of them. I’ll bet the TV has a lot to do with that decision. The others are like, why would you want to sleep in the living room? but hey, it’s her vacation too. And I’m guessing, like me, she hasn’t had one since 1987, so let her set up camp in the living room if she wants to.

I have no doubt that, as usual, this gorgeous luxury spot will be wasted on this bunch.

Tammy sits down to talk to Kim in her living room space, while Kenya entertain the others with imitations of Kim. Apparently, Tammy is an acquired taste, but Cynthia says she’ll take quirky and weird over mean nasty and shade throwing any day. Kenya says that Tammy (who’s friends with Sheree’s ex-husband) intimated that Sheree was a gold-digger. Sheree seems to think she also slept with him.

The ladies gather for dinner at a fancy restaurant where they have a private back room. The servers start bringing weird things to the table, like a Viking helmet for Kenya to wear, a toaster and what looks like fondue. Kim makes an announcement that she might not make it through the whole trip because she might get homesick. Huh? In her individual interview Kim says she’s out of her element and needs to rise above her feelings. What?

Cynthia says Neanderthal Peter is making an effort to win her back. They’re talking about their significant others and Tammy says she’s been married 13 years and everything is still great. Sheree makes noises about being unhappy with her presence. Tammy says yes, she’s friends with Bob (the ex), and she feels he was treated unfairly during the divorce as far as seeing his kids went. Sheree asks if she slept with Bob. Tammy is like, are you joking? She says she’s not even attracted to him. Sheree says Bob told her differently and Tammy says that’s news to her. Sheree says she was told Tammy didn’t like her and had told Bob not to marry her. Kim can’t believe “grown ass women” are talking like this. Get used to it if you’re going to be on this show. Kim says there’s a difference between information and instigation. Kenya says sometimes people just need to clear the air of old stuff.

Porsha has set up another boat trip. Really? Kim and Phaedra are talking and Kim says it’s hard to tell if Kenya is being genuine or not, and that people can air their grievances without being messy. Kenya doesn’t understand why Kim is sticking her nose into it.

Kim breaks down at lunch because she’s homesick. She says that everyone is having a good time, but all she’s thinking about is she’d rather be sharing it with her husband. That’s a really nice thought, but she seems to be getting weird about it, like a kid who’s away at camp for the first time. She starts to cry about how she’s lost herself and she can’t find herself here. I hate to tell her, but it’s highly doubtful you’d be finding much of anything on a long weekend in Miami except a Margarita.

Whoa. She’s weeping and wailing to Phaedra outside, while the women flirt with some dude named Oliver inside at the table. Phaedra says she’s sensitive to Kim missing her husband, and if her husband treated her well, she’d be missing him too. Shade of the night. Somehow, Phaedra turns the conversation around to her own problems, but Kim seems to think she’s a great friend. They go back inside.

New guy Oliver and his friend have invited themselves over to party. The girls get googly eyed when Kim says she misses her husband, but on the side Kenya says that most of the women would pay get away from their husbands and kids. Houdini Tammy, who had disappeared, comes back draped with another strange man. It’s her nephew, Glen, who Kenya immediately turns her high beams on.

It’s time for the ladies to get back on the boat and the guys go with them. Things go a little sour when Glen doesn’t respond positively to Kenya’s aggressive attempt to get his attention.

Next week, it looks like things go so far south, they hit the equator.

Dec12

December 11, 2015 — GH, Little Chefs & Zombies

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital – Thursday

Dillon finds Johnny behind the bar. He says he’s going to call the cops, but Lulu tells him to chill.

Olivia asks where Dante is. Valerie says he’s out getting baby aspirin.

Bad dude tells Robin that Helena is dead. He says she has explanations to make. She says to who? And Jerry Jax pops in.

Patrick tells Sam it’s over. She says her love for him hasn’t changed.

As our early Christmas gift, Elizabeth tells Jason she lied to everyone. Woohoo! He asks how long she’s known who he is and she says since the Nurses Ball in May.

Olivia says she resents Valerie sabotaging Dante and Lulu’s marriage. She says that Valerie’s presence is making things worse and she obviously doesn’t care that she’s breaking up a family. Dante walks in and asks what’s going on.

Johnny says technically Lulu is an accessory to his fugitiveness. Lulu suggests Dillon act like he never saw Johnny.

Jason says he felt wonderful that Elizabeth was willing to take a chance on him when there were so many unknowns, but it turns out that she knew everything. He asks if Nicholas was the one who told her and she says yes. She says she had every intention of saying something at the Nurses Ball, but when she saw how happy Sam and Patrick were, she couldn’t. Jason finally has a clue and says she didn’t do it for them, she did it for herself.

Patrick says that Sam wants to prove Elizabeth is lying because she wants him to choose between them. He asks who she loves more. She doesn’t want to answer, and he says Jason is the love of her life, and it’s not fair to anyone if they stay together. Sam asks if he can’t give her more time to adjust to things.

Jerry says now that Helena has passed, he has to take up where she left off, and Robin is his first priority. She says she’s making progress. Jerry says she’s not moving fast enough. She was supposed to keep Helena alive. Apparently, he thinks science can be rushed.

Lulu says Johnny helped her through difficult times and she wants to help him now. Dillon runs down the list of all his crimes, but Johnny has an answer for everything.

Olivia says Valerie is trying to take Lulu’s place. Dante says that’s not true and Lulu said it was over. Dante says Olivia is taking Sonny’s cheating out on Valerie.

Jason asks if Elizabeth was going to lie to him for the rest of his life. He asks if she was going to keep him from Danny and Sam. And what about poor confused Jake? Elizabeth said she knew everything would be okay, because she lives in a dream world and thinks words can fix this.

Emma is on her way home. Patrick says it will be better if they don’t drag things out. He wishes they could go back to when things were easier, but it’s not going to happen. He says Jason coming back has changed everything, including what they meant to each other. He doesn’t want things to turn bitter. Sam tells him she loves him, but she understands that he deserves more than just part of her heart. She gives him back the ring. Patrick says he doesn’t blame her and she shouldn’t blame herself.

Jerry says imagine the profit margin on immortality. He says Robin’s research has hit a dead end and ergo she has too. Robin says she’s developing something new, but she needs Helena’s body. Hmmm…is she going to bring Helena back to life? Remember Stavros?

Emma pops in the door and asks when Patrick and Sam are getting married. Um…never?

Olivia says Dante and Lulu owe it to Rocco to put their differences aside. She raised Dante as a single mother and doesn’t want Rocco to have the same upbringing.

Dillon asks why he should cover for Johnny since he doesn’t owe him any favors. Lulu says he owes her a favor though.

Elizabeth says she’s sorry and Jason says she’s sorry she got caught. Ha-ha! She says she didn’t want any of this to happen, but he says oh yes she did. He says she got in between him and anyone who wanted to tell him the truth. He says she had him kick the mother of his child out. Elizabeth says she’s also the mother of his child, and Jason says that doesn’t give her the right to dictate who else is in his life.

Jerry says if he can’t shoot it, fight it or make money off of it, it’s of no interest.  It’s good to have a credo.

Emma says she stayed away for as long as possible so they could be romantic and when’s the wedding date? Sam tells her that it’s not going to happen. She says they decided it would be best if they split up. Emma starts to cry and says no it’s not. Patrick tries to explain that what Sam and Jason have is too strong, even though they tried. Sam says it’s better for Emma and Patrick if she and Danny leave. Emma begs her to stay. Geez, this is almost making me cry, even though I couldn’t care less about Patrick.

Lulu says Dillon wanted her to find out about Dante so she’d turn to him. She says he can redeem himself by keeping his mouth shut. He says it’s emotional blackmail and she asks if it’s working. He says he’ll stay quiet, but if anything happens to Lulu, all bets are off.

Dante brings up the separation papers. Olivia says Lulu was hurt and just lashing out. Olivia says if Valerie really cares about Dante, she’ll back off. Dante says that’s not her call. Olivia says if he continues down this path, he’ll be throwing his life away and eventually regret it. She leaves.

Emma gets a little hysterical and tells Sam if she’s going to leave, get out now. She starts crying that she misses her mommy and I tear up.

Robin says Jerry doesn’t have to kill her, and she won’t say anything if he just sends her home. Sure, that will work. He says he needs to eliminate the uncertainty by eliminating her. She says if he can’t let her go, at least let her keep working.

Elizabeth says she was afraid if she told Jason the truth, he would leave her. Jason says, so she took away his choices. She says she was afraid if Sam knew the truth, she would take him away. Jason says all he’s done is push Sam away since he found out who he was. Elizabeth says he must know she did the wrong things for the right reasons and they can still be together. What an ass.

Lulu tells Johnny as much as she would like him to remove Valerie from her life, too much could go wrong. She says it’s a shame it can’t be retroactive, but what’s done is done. Johnny is leaving in the morning. I like Johnny and wish Lulu would run off with him. He goes to bed and Olivia shows up. She says she knows how hurt Lulu is and that she needs time, but…and she doesn’t finish.

Lulu says that Olivia is clearly upset by something with Dante. Olivia says she found Valerie looking after Rocco and she’s afraid if someone doesn’t take action, things will get out of hand. I think maybe it’s too late for that.

Dante tells Valerie that none of it is her fault. She asks if Dante would rather be alone.

Robin’s phone rings. It’s Emma and Robin asks to talk to her since Jerry is going to kill her anyway. Emma begs her to come home. She says she doesn’t understand why people who love each other don’t stay together. Robin says one day she’ll understand that Emma kept her alive and she loves her. Emma asks why she can’t come home then. Robin says she just can’t, but remember she loves her and says good-by. Emma is killing me here.

Elizabeth says Jason doesn’t remember his past, but he remembers the love they’ve recently shared and they can work it out. He says she didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth and manipulated him; therefore, she doesn’t really love him. He says admitting everything now is too late.

Johnny finds Lulu drinking and asks if he can join her. He asks what happened to going home and she says Olivia stopped by, so there was a change of plans. She says she wants him to make Valerie go away. Me too.

Valerie leaves Dante’s. He asks himself what the hell he’s doing.

Jerry says he’s more or less inherited Robin and has to bring things to a satisfactory close. She says he has nothing to lose and everything to gain by letting her continue working. He says she has 48 hours. Where is Eddie Murphy when you need him?

I’m going to need some aspirin before this episode is over. Emma is crying her eyes out and Sam tells Patrick it is for the best, and he deserves to be loved the way he loved her. Patrick hopes that things work out with Jason. It’s okay, Sam, Patrick would only hog the mirror. When Sam leaves, Emma tells Patrick she wants her mommy and collapses in his arms crying. Honestly, this kid should get an award. Patrick says they’ll find mommy.

Elizabeth says she and Jason can be happy. He says living a lie isn’t his idea of happiness. He says it turned out the woman he loved is no more real than Jake Doe and that she broke his heart. He leaves on his motorcycle, leaving Elizabeth going wah-wah-wah, and me saying, good.

Tomorrow, will Jason seek Sam out?

Commercial break during The Big – It’s about time Sheldon and Amy got back together – Bang Theory. Angel from Hell will be premiering in January. It’s been so long since they announced the new shows, I’d forgotten all about it. September to May television seasons are now nothing but a dim memory.

General Hospital – Friday

Curtis meets Hayden at The Floating Rib. He says he found the stray bullet at the garage.

Carly is being a helicopter mom to Morgan. He says he know she and Sonny are worried, but he’s taking his meds and they don’t need to be. Kiki is now waitressing and thanks Carly for dropping the charges and giving her a job. Kiki asks the lady at the next table what she can get for her and it’s Ava who says, a conversation with her mother.

Sam is staying in the guest room at Alexis’s house. She tells Alexis and Julian that she and Patrick aren’t together anymore.

Elizabeth is sniffing Jason’s jacket when Nicholas shows up. I’m not kidding. She was really sniffing his jacket.

Sonny is working the punching bag at the gym. Jason comes in and asks what the bag ever did to him. Ha-ha! Sonny says he wasn’t expecting to see Jason and Jason replies that he wasn’t expecting a lot of things. Well, sorry, but he should have seen them coming. Sonny asks how Jason got in because he had the doors locked. Jason says he told the guard that he was Sonny’s best friend and Sonny says, fair enough. Jason says he wants to punch something out.

Elizabeth tells Nicholas that Jason is gone and not coming back. She says that Sam told him that Elizabeth knew who he really was and when confronted, she confessed. More like he had to drag it out of her.

Sam tells Alexis and Julian what happened.

Kiki asks if Ava wants coffee. Ava says she doesn’t have to treat her like a stranger and Kiki says that’s what she is. Ava asks for two minutes.

Carly says every day they’re making advances in drug therapy. She says that both Morgan and Sonny are bi-polar, but experience it differently, and that being healthy doesn’t have to mean life is boring, although Morgan isn’t so sure about that. She asks if he’s taking his meds. He says he already told her he was, but he doesn’t like the way they’re making him feel.

Hayden tells Curtis she’s impressed, especially since he doesn’t have a car. He gives her a bill for an SUV rental. She asks why he couldn’t have gotten a sub-compact. He says the garage is a front and most criminals drive SUVs. You learn something new every day.

Morgan says he just feels different and that maybe he isn’t used to the meds yet. Carly tells him that Sonny would be a good sounding board, but Morgan says Sonny has enough going on and that he needs some trust right now.

Kiki screams at Ava to leave her alone and breaks a glass.

Jason asks Sonny if there’s been any change in his condition. Sonny says not yet, but if Jason hadn’t stepped in, he wouldn’t have made it. Jason starts punching the crap out of the bag. He tells Sonny about Elizabeth lying to him.

Elizabeth says Laura predicted correctly. She tells Nicholas about Jason kicking Sam out, but then going to her. She says she told him Sam was just jealous, but Jason kept hammering at her until she confessed. She says it ended up costing her everything just like Nicholas had said it would. I’ll bet Nicholas isn’t too happy about this on a couple of levels.

Curtis says he can’t prove the bullet did or didn’t come from Shawn’s gun without the gun, which is in possession of the PCPD. HE says he has friends in high places though.

Carly tells Ava blindsiding Kiki on her first day is no way to build a relationship. She tells Ava it’s her restaurant and to get out. Ava asks what she thinks family court will feel about that. Carly leaves. Kiki asks Ava what she wants and Ava says for the arctic chill between them to end. She asks Kiki to give her a chance to fix things, but Kiki says that will never happen.

Elizabeth says it’s her own fault and blah-blah-blah sorry she’ll be taking Nicholas down with her because Jason is mighty pissed. She says she not only wrecked her life, she’ll be wrecking his too. Despite my loathing Elizabeth, I give a nod to both the black and grey sweater she’s rocking and her hair color.

Alexis says Sam should try explaining things to Patrick. Julian says Elizabeth’s lies have nothing to do with her, but Sam says they do.

Jason tells Sonny the whole story and how Elizabeth knew since May. He says Carly was also telling him the truth, even though she didn’t know everything. Sonny says Carly’s instincts are usually spot on. Jason says everyone thought he was dead and Elizabeth just let them continue grieving.

Ava tells Kiki she’s breaking her heart. Kiki says look on the bright side, at least she isn’t screwing Ava’s boyfriend. She tells Ava that as a mother, she was supposed to protect her. Ava says she just wants to be sure Kiki is okay and Kiki says she’s fine and leaves the table. Carly tells Ava time’s up. Ava says that if she wants visitation, she’ll let her stay and take her order. Morgan tells her to get lost.

Alexis tells Sam she made a mature decision, but Sam says it was really Patrick. Julian says she and Jason can get back together now, but Sam says that’s up to Jason.

Sonny and Jason are passing a bottle of whiskey back and forth. Sonny tells Jason about how he and Carly always found their way back to each other, and that when they used to fight, Jason would always play middleman. He says in the end, he always forgave Carly because he’d rather accept what she did than live without her. Jason asks if that’s what Sonny thinks he should do with Elizabeth. Hell to the no on that one.

Ava says she’ll leave, but Carly can’t tell her when she can and can’t see Kiki. On the other hand, she has control over when Carly and Sonny can see Avery. Carly says she’d better not violate the court order. Morgan says blah-blah-blah and Ava leaves.  Kiki and Morgan chat about their respective mothers while picking up the glass. Kiki asks how he’s doing and he says fine for someone whose mental health revolves around a prescription bottle. He says he feels flattened out, like a balloon with the air taken out.

Curtis tells Hayden that if she wants him to continue, he needs a little more time and a lot more money. He asks if she wants to prove someone other than Shawn wanted her dead.

Nicholas says that maybe Jason will realize Elizabeth did what she did for love. She thanks Nicholas for standing by her. He says all the people lining up to judge her don’t walk in her shoes and she doesn’t owe anybody any explanations. She says sooner or later Jason is going to be knocking on his door and to be careful.

Sonny tells Jason that a lot of people tried to talk him out of working for Sonny, but he made his own decisions. Sonny says that Elizabeth wanted him for herself and didn’t care how anyone else suffered. He wouldn’t forgive her, but he says Jason isn’t him. Carly comes in. Jason says he has something to do. He tells her she was right and that she really knew him better than he knew himself.

Sam asks if she and Danny can spend Christmas with Alexis and Julian. They both say, of course, and Alexis adds that they’re her parents and will support her no matter what. Sam reminisces about the previous Christmas with Patrick. She leaves the room and Julian tells Alexis that he feels Sam with Jason is a bad idea because of how often he put her in danger.

Hayden says of course she wants proof, that’s why she’s going broke paying him. Nicholas comes into the restaurant and sees them talking.

Sonny tells Carly about Elizabeth lying. She says thank God, and he says that’s not exactly the reaction he expected. Carly says she didn’t mean it that way, but she’s glad she wasn’t wrong. She says the best part is that Elizabeth did it to herself and Carly had nothing to do with it. He says Jason can probably forgive Elizabeth for what she did to him, but not what she did to everyone else. Sonny advises Carly not to talk to Jason about it right now. He asks about Morgan and Carly says they had a good talk and Morgan is taking his meds.

Morgan shows Kiki his pills. Why isn’t he taking them? Kiki says he seems good, but he still has to adjust. Morgan says he wants to be friends. Kiki says seeing her mom brought back a lot of stuff and she thinks they should stay only friends, and is that what he wants. He says no and I laugh. He says that he’s okay with it though. He gets a call from Darby, who I guess is only on the show when needed for Morgan’s rebounds.

Julian asks if there’s a chance that Sam will get back with Jason. Sam comes down the stairs and she says don’t worry, they’re just friends. She says she’ll have to accept it if he goes back to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth sees Jason on the porch. He’s getting a call from Sam. Elizabeth comes outside and asks if he’s home. He looks at the phone.

Lulu and Johnny plot about Valerie and hopefully Elizabeth gets bad news.

Master Chef Junior

Tonight, the kids have to make the perfect lemonade. In the Nickelodeon moment of the night, the losing team gets drenched in the stuff. Luckily, Christina’s team wins, so she gets her wish not to get her hair wet.

In the challenge segment, each judge is dressed from the decade they were born. Gordon is dressed like a hippie (60s), Graham looks like he’s from Saturday Night Fever (70s), and Christina is a roller girl in workout wear (80s). While the lemonade winners don’t have to do the challenge, the others have to prepare signature dishes of each decade. Duck a l’Orange for the 60s (something I have never eaten, nor do I want to); Chicken Kiev for the 70s; and for the 80s, surf & turf, which I would have thought was also from the 70s, but okay.

Tip for tonight from Gordon – put a little flower on a metal pot/pan handle so you’ll know not to touch it when it’s hot.

Observation for tonight from me — vegetarians have it rough in these competitions.

Uh-oh, Gordon tells one kid he’d fire him. My father would have too. He put a mayo sriraccha sauce over the lobster and filet mignon.

These kids are probably just as cutthroat as the adults, but they genuinely cheer each other on and I imagine must have real sadness when one of their friends leaves.

It’s okay, kids who went home, I wouldn’t have made it past the lemonade.

Z Nation

Washington DC pre-Z – Citizen Z (Simon in this segment) has been arrested. His lawyer says he won’t take a plea bargain. The DA says if he loses they’ll peruse espionage charges and he’ll spend his life in prison. He says he’s a citizen, not a spy. An NSA officer, the leader of the team that hunted him down, says he has a best and final offer. He says if CZ comes to work for the NSA, they’ll drop all the charges. He says he needs an answer immediately and CZ will be stationed at the Camp Northern Light in the North Pole.

The agent gives him a paper and says he can’t even show it to his lawyer. CZ looks at it and laughs. He asks if it’s code for something. It says “zombies.” The agent isn’t laughing.

Flash forward to CZ right now. (And Pup!) His laptop says file locked and password denied. He’s been hacked.

Operation Bite Mark’s El Camino is dead. Roberta says they’ll have to travel on foot. No surprise Murphy isn’t thrilled.

Vasquez says everything looks the same and Doc says 4 years of a zombie apocalypse will do that. Robert asks how it came to this.

Pre-Z Roberta is back at her military training base. There’s been a change in deployment. She tells the soldiers they have to scratch Philly and they’re going to Trenton. She says she doesn’t ask questions, her job is to move vehicles. An ambulance siren is going off and she goes outside to investigate. She turns it off and sees a trail of blood. She opens the back of the ambulance to see someone under a sheet. She removes the sheet and it’s a zombie, but she thinks it’s just someone who’s really sick. Luckily he’s tied down. She goes to get help.

Everyone has disappeared and the phone line isn’t working. A TV announcement says to wait for important information. Suddenly, one of the soldiers who is zombified runs out and attacks Roberta. She shoots him in the head. Others follow and she continues to shoot while the TV announcer says not to panic.

OBM trudges forward. Murphy says he’s not feeling so good and wonders how much further. Addy finds a plaque and realizes they’re in Disneyland. “It’s a world of laughter; it’s a word of tears,” Doc says.

Pre-Z Doc is a therapist in his office talking to his patient, Larry. They’re both recovering addicts – Doc five years, and Larry 6 days. Doc asks if Larry is going to meetings and Larry says nobody is, it’s hard to get through the roadblocks. Doc says he has 15 more minutes. They hear something out in the hall and Doc goes to investigate. Another therapist is being attacked by patient Bernie who just found out his wife is leaving him. Doc tells Bernie he has the best therapist and it will be okay. Doc talks him down and they hug it out.

This is way cool seeing OBM pre-Z.

Doc opens the door to his office and thinks he sees Larry with “his gay lover” on the couch. He suddenly realizes it’s a zombie and pulls him off of Larry. Too late though. Larry’s been turned and that’s not a gay reference. Doc shoves Larry out the door and locks the office. He hears a scream, takes a golf club, and goes out into the hall. There’s a bloody zombie mess and Doc gets sick. He tries the exit door and sees panic in the streets. He downs a couple of oxys, says “here we go,” and goes outside.

Citizen Z says the servers have been powered down since the nuclear blast, and he can’t figure out how he was hacked. He sees something plugged into the server, says “well played,” and gets back online to see who’s been “sleeping in [his] bed.”

Pre-Z Addy is at a hockey game.  (I was at a fight once and a hockey game broke out. Ha-ha!) All of a sudden, there’s a zombie in the stands and everyone goes running. A couple of the players use their skates to crack zombies in the head in the hallway, but they become outnumbered. Addy is trying to get out and comes into the room where the players are fighting the zombies. One of the players saves her from getting bitten. She runs toward the rink with the player left standing and they get to another hallway. There are zombies pretty much everywhere and they have to fight them off as they go.

Addy says she has to get home because her mom and brother are alone. The two go out the exit to the street.

Murphy says, “Even for us, this sucks.”

Pre-Z 10K is watching as a flock of birds goes by. He’s fishing in a creek.  He takes his catch and is going through the woods. He sees the back of someone and asks if they’re okay. It’s a female ranger zombie with arrows stuck in her. 10K thinks she’s just hurt until she tries to attack him. More zombies come toward him and he runs. Whoa, they’re close. Now a crowd is after him and he slams into a tree. Luckily, he tumbles down a hill, but the zombies keep going

When he comes to, he calls for his dad. A zombie is coming toward him and it’s suddenly shot in the head. His father comes out with a gun and we learn 10K’s name is Tommy. His dad tells him sh*t’s going down and to grab a weapon and run.

Citizen Z hears an alarm from the computer. He’s following the path back to the hacker.

Pre-Z Vasquez is in a funeral parlor. The funeral director comes in and tells him he’s sorry for Vasquez’s loss. Vasquez approaches the coffins of his wife and daughter. The caskets are closed and he begins to cry looking at their pictures. He hears a scratching noise and asks if the funeral home has rats. Then he realizes the noises are coming from the coffin. The funeral director comes back in – as a zombie.

Vasquez is like wtf? and the director attacks him. Vasquez pulls a gun out of his sock, but because he’s not shooting the zombie in the head, his efforts are futile. Finally, Vasquez beats his head to a pulp with the butt of the gun. He hears more noise and runs to find the coffins overturned and his wife and child crawling around on the floor zombiefied. Wow. Tense scene. And a little depressing.

Commercial break. Oooh, The Forest looks good!

OBM are holed up in an underground building while zombies go past them above. Murphy asks himself what they want and does he care. He does but doesn’t know why. He says he doesn’t want to be the savior of the human race or the zombie messiah. He just wants to curl up and die. He wants to know where his mercy is.

Pre-Z Murphy is in the prison yard, where he and some other inmates are playing cards for cigarettes. Murphy folds. The guy next to him asks why he folded and wants to see his cards. There’s a fight, and an inmate gets stabbed. He turns into a zombie and attacks a guard. Murphy runs out and locks the gate behind him, leaving the card player who questioned him to fend for himself and get bitten.

Roberta asks Murphy if he can’t sleep. He says he can’t dream either. He says he doesn’t think he can do this. He asks Roberta to just take some pints of his blood and let him slip out. He says if she was his friend, she would help him. She says she’s not his friend, and she promised to get him to California. He’s afraid they’re going to hurt him and she says she won’t let that happen. Murphy says she can’t do that if she’s not there. She says there isn’t going to be a happy ending for any of them, but he has the chance to save them. Murphy says the zombies will be gone soon and she should wake the others.

Citizen Z traces the hacker. The final connection is in Hawaii. He hacks into the hacker’s computer. He looks into the files to find out they’ve been using him to track Murphy. He destroys the server.

OBM are hiking up a hill. Murphy asks, “Are we there yet?” Addy says they’re close, like just past the trees. The come out of the forest and see the Pacific Ocean. They also see what looks like a rest stop with cars in the parking lot, but it could be an underground lab. Roberta says she doesn’t want them walking into a trap, so she and Vasquez will check things out first. Roberta says if they’re not out in ten minutes, GTFO.

Roberta and Vasquez proceed with caution. Music is coming from the diner. They enter, guns drawn, and there’s an old lady behind the counter. She asks if they’d like tea and ginger sandwiches. I’m wondering if she means sandwiches made out of real fingers. Vasquez tells her to put her weapon on the counter. She does, but under the counter, there’s something that looks like a bazooka. And I don’t mean the bubblegum.

This was an awesome show! The explained each character’s backstory, but also showed the progression of the apocalypse.

Next week is the finale <SOB!>. The Zeros are back along with La Riena, and what’s left of the CDC.

 

Dec10

December 9, 2015 — Port Charles, L.A., a Divorcee & a Wife

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Lulu says what the hell and has another shot with Johnny.

Dante and Valerie go back to Dante’s place where they continue to make me ill.

Michael asks Felix if Dr. Lee is around. She’s not, but Michael says he wants to talk to her about Sabrrrina.

Sabrrrina is waiting for Michael at The Floating Rib and sees Patrick at the bar. He says he feels like he’s having a bad dream that he can’t wake up from. Welcome to my life.

Sam tells Jason that Elizabeth knew for months who he really is. He says it was a mistake to come over. Sam says he knows deep down something isn’t right and he can run away or hear her out.

Elizabeth tries to call Jason, but he doesn’t pick up. He says she’s probably worried about him, and Sam says she’s worried about something all right. Sam says he can run back to Elizabeth or give her five minutes to tell him the truth. He says she’s got five minutes.

Dante and Valerie are making out when there’s a knock at the door. Valerie makes herself scarce, but for once it’s not Lulu. It’s Olivia with Rocco. She asks how long the nonsense with Lulu is going to go on and when are they getting back together. Valerie eavesdrops. No surprise.

Johnny and Lulu flirt a little. Johnny says he was hoping he could stay there. He says his offshore accounts are being monitored, but if she can spare some cash, he’ll pay her back with interest. She tells him he can crash there, but she’ll have to see what she can spare. Dillon shows up and Johnny hides behind the bar.

Michael says he’s concerned about the baby’s size. Felix says it’s wrong to go behind Sabrrrina’s back, and that the baby is healthy and everything’s fine. Michael asks him to come with him to meet Sabrrrina.

Patrick, who has a nerve even discussing this with Sabrrrina, says he has trust issues with Sam now. Sabrrrina says she came out of things with Patrick fine (well, if you can call telling Michael that Carrrlos’s baby is his “ fine”), and he has to decide if he wants to fight for Sam or not.

Elizabeth leaves a message for Jason. Jake comes downstairs and says he can’t sleep, and wonders where Jason is.

Jason asks what proof Sam has. She tells him about how she found Elizabeth in the chapel and Elizabeth said she was hesitant to marry him because of Sam. She didn’t understand it at the time, but now she knows it’s because Elizabeth knew Jason was her husband already. She also tells him about Jake keeping a secret with Elizabeth and Laura. She tells him to open his eyes. She asks if Elizabeth has ever almost told him something and stopped, or shown him some other kind of weirdness. Jason asks if she’s just trying to convince herself so that they can get back together.

Dillon asks if he can talk to Lulu. She says now isn’t the time and she has to get the boat decorated. He says he can help, but she says she works better alone. He asks if he ruined their friendship.

Dante asks if he can talk to Olivia in the morning. She tells him to think of Rocco. He says it isn’t working out with Lulu and Olivia says he sounds like he’s giving up and he has to fight for his marriage. Isn’t that what you want? she asks.

Sabrrrina says when she saw Robin in the church, she knew things were over between her and Patrick, and she could have saved everyone a lot of heartache by just accepting it. She says he has to make a choice and that dragging it out causes the most damage. Michael comes in with Felix. They invite Patrick to join them for dinner, but he takes a pass.

Elizabeth tells Jake that his daddy will be home soon. Jake asks why she said she was worried in her phone message and she says that’s what moms do.

Sam says she understands that Jason doesn’t remember their life together, but she thinks he deserves to know the truth. She says that if Elizabeth had had her way, she and Danny would have never known he was back. She says to look into her eyes and then go home and look into Elizabeth’s eyes. IMO, he knows Sam is telling him the truth.

Felix makes something up to get rid of Michael for a minute. He tells Sabrrrina that Michael is asking questions about the size of the baby.

Lulu says she didn’t love that DIllon publicly exposed Dante as a cheater, but only Dante is responsible for his actions and she wouldn’t take her anger out on him. She suggests they “hit the reset button.”

Olivia asks Dante if he loves Lulu and wants to save his marriage or is he just throwing up his hands and giving up. Dante says Lulu still doesn’t trust him. Please. It’s only been five minutes and even after that you couldn’t wait until the body was cold. Olivia says there’s nothing odd about that, and he shouldn’t let the love of his life go. Dante tells Olivia about what happened on Thanksgiving and she calls Valerie a home wrecker. I concur.

Patrick comes home and Sam tells him Jason went back to Elizabeth and he has to figure out his own life.

Jason gets back to Elizabeth’s. Jake has fallen asleep on the couch. Jason says as soon as he gets Jake settled, he wants to talk to her.

Lulu tells Dillon that she and Dante are officially separated. She tells him Dante signed the papers, but doesn’t mention Valerie being there. She says she thinks Dante wants the marriage over and she does too. Dillon says he doesn’t believe it because she seems miserable. He says no matter what, he’ll be supportive. The he tells her he’s moving back to L.A.

Olivia says she thought Valerie was a one-time thing. Dante says he did too, but things changed. Olivia says Valerie was a mistake and he needs to man up and get rid of his bed buddy. Dante says Valerie is his friend and not to talk about her like that. Olivia says that it’s too bad he doesn’t have the same concern for his marriage.

Felix says that it’s better if Michael hears the truth from Sabrrrina rather than someone else and that when Monica sees the sonogram, she’s going to know.

Sam tells Patrick she told Jason everything. He asks if Jason believed her and Sam says he wanted proof. She brings up her interaction with Elizabeth in the chapel.

Jason comes back downstairs. Elizabeth asks where he was and he says he needed to talk to Sam. Elizabeth asks why he’d want to hear more of her lies. She says Sam is trapped in the past and she wants him to be trapped with her. Jason asks Elizabeth if she knew who he was before he did.

Olivia leaves and Valerie comes out of hiding. Valerie says she doesn’t think Olivia likes her too much, which is an understatement. Dante says she’s a fair person and will come around.

Dillon says he has to go where the work is. Lulu says, what about New York, but Dillon says his heart is in the San Fernando Valley.  (Ha-ha! I almost typed Valerie.) Johnny makes a noise and Dillon hears it.

When Michael gets back to the table, Felix says he’s got to jet.

Sam tells Patrick that what Jason chooses to do with the information she gave him is up to him. Patrick says he doesn’t know if he can trust her because she says one thing, but her actions indicate she’s still in love with Jason. She says a part of her will always love him, but she’s let that go. Patrick says she’s lying to herself and the future they were building doesn’t apply anymore

Elizabeth dodges the question totally, going on and on about how Sam is jealous and being spiteful. He says just answer the question, but she still doesn’t. Whoa. He says she’s making him not trust her by her evasiveness and if she doesn’t answer, he’s leaving. About time.

Valerie is sitting with Rocco and I tell her to take her hands off Lulu’s kid. Dante steps out to the store and I wonder who is going to show up while he’s gone.

Lulu asks Dillon if he wants to go to dinner. She tells him the noise was probably a harbor seal. Aren’t they in New York state? He pretends to go along with it, but then finds Johnny behind the bar.

I am so psychic. There’s a knock at Dante’s door and it’s Olivia.

Michael tells Sabrrrina that he’s worried about her. She says she understands it’s a scary time for him. He says he still wants to talk to the doctor, but she says they need to set up an appointment together. She asks if they can give it a rest for tonight though and just enjoy dinner. Good luck with that.

Patrick says he loves Sam, but he doesn’t think they can make it. He says she really wants to be with Jason and that’s okay because she deserves to be happy. He tells her they’re over.

Elizabeth tells Jason that the truth is she loves him. He doesn’t care, he wants his question answered. She says she accepted him with no questions asked. He says he just wants one question answered and why can’t she – OMG – SHE’S SAYING IT! SHE LIED ABOUT KNOWING WHO HE IS!

Tomorrow, everyone asks for more time with everything and Robin has some scenes.

Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles

JoshA brings Heather breakfast in bed. Heather isn’t pregnant and Josh is a little disappointed. Heather is surprised at that, but Josh says that when confronted with the possibility, he realized that she was a priority. She says he’s sweet and who exchanged him for the real Josh? He says he was just making excuses before, but now he’s ready for whatever comes. He wants to get married asap and suggests early spring.

They call Josh’s parents in Barcelona. I wonder what being a jet setter is like. He tells his mom that he and Heather are getting married April 2nd, and she gets pretty excited.

Mauricio from the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is the head of the agency where James and David work. They’re having their weekly staff meeting. David and James’s client looks like Dennis Hopper and scares me a little. The client is putting in an infinity pool to up the price on the house. The client wants it at $14 million, but David and James are like it’s more like $12.5. James says the best way to find out is an informal office poll.

JoshF is currently the number one agent in volume and two in commission. Josh and his husband are buying a house. Josh would rather live in a hotel, but he realizes Colton wants a normal life with a yard and a dog. The property is very pretty and Paul McCartney lives next door. Colton says it seems rushed though. Josh has gone from wanting to live at the Four Seasons, to Grandma Edith’s penthouse, to this house.

JoshF admits he’s been on an emotional roller coaster and Colton has been supportive, so he wants this for him. Colton says he thinks Josh is looking at it more as how much he can flip it for later, but Josh says he really wants some stability right now.

David is feeding his cute basset hounds. In a few weeks, he and Adrian are going to Italy where he’s going to propose. He tells Adrian he wants to bring the dogs (they have 5 between them), but he’s just having fun with her.

JoshA is selling a house on Doheny that he says has an “east coast vibe.” Unfortunately, it has construction going on next door, so they’ve had to drop the price by a million. In our language, I’m guessing that’s like $50K. He’s about to have a showing and his brother tells him the power is out. He’s checked the circuit breakers with no luck. The agent’s client is coming in the morning, so they show the agent the house using flashlights. Considering the camera people also have lighting, you can actually see it pretty well.  Josh says the consolation prize for the construction is the lowered price and the agent thinks it’s not a bad deal.

James and David are showing the infinity pool house to some agents. Did that guy just say there are no bathrooms upstairs? What kind of a skabillion dollar house is this? All of the agents agree that it’s worth closer to $12 million. They get together with scary guy Jay and tell him the bad news. Jay says they’re done because besides being scary, he’s unrealistic.

Jay says it’s a special project and they need to open up their minds. Ohmmm, James says they’re not going to spend a bunch of bucks in marketing to find out that they can’t sell it. Jay says he’s going in at $13.5 with them or without them. James and David say they’ll have to take a pass. David tells Jay he’s a schmuck if he goes with someone else after they gave him the idea for the pool that upped the value of the house. They all compromise at $12.995.

JoshF is getting himself beautified. His phone rings and he actually doesn’t answer it. It doesn’t matter. His office assistant hunts him down. He’d lost the house he wanted to buy to another buyer, and the seller is calling to see if he’s still interested. They go back and forth for a while with the assistant relaying the information. JoshF gets on the phone himself and says buyers aren’t exactly lining up for the property and makes a cash offer. He ends up getting the house. He says after Colton gets ahold of the property, it will be ready for Architectural Digest.

JoshA meets for lunch with Max and his business partner, John. He’s received an offer for the Doheny property, but both guys think it’s low. Josh says they should counter regardless. Josh calls the agent with a counter offer, but lets them know the clients really wanted to tell them to pound sand. He tells Max and John they should take the $8.5 million offer. He says if they wait, the market could change and the property could become stale. He says they should take the money and run. Everyone agrees. John says he’s never happy, but he’s satisfied.

Scary client Jay has everything staged and ready for the open house. The furniture has been custom made for the house and is included in the price. David is hoping they wrap things up quickly because he’s leaving for Italy the next day. Everything is gorgeous, but I think it would be weird moving into a place that had furniture already. I guess it’s good if you’re really busy.

James tells David that he wants him to enjoy himself in Italy and to turn his phone off and concentrate on Adrian.

JoshA was burned by JoshF showing a client a property before he could. He shows the client a different property. The client says he loves it, but he just bought the other property from JoshF. JoshA says compared to that property, this one is an estate and a better fit. And it’s move in ready. He says so much work needs to be done on the other one, he won’t be moving in for two years. The client decides to take the property and develop the one from JoshF. Since the sellers are also JoshA’s clients, he’s going to make out like a bandit.

It’s the finale. JoshA lists his blessings and says he feels like the luckiest guy on the planet.

David calls James and tells him Adrian said yes. He did a beautiful job in picking out the ring too. I’m impressed. David says how happy he is to be marrying the girl of his dreams.

James goes down Memory Lane with the properties he and David have sold. It’s been a phenomenal year.

Josh and Colton are moving into the new house. He reflects on the work ethic Grandma Edith gave him. He says things couldn’t be any better. He says although Edith isn’t with him any longer, he knows she’s looking down on him with pride.

Just a note on The Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce

This is a good show. Well written and acted. A divorcee Sex in the City. In the second season, main character Abby and her ex-husband are entertaining the notion of getting back together. Abby is hesitant though, because not only has she become the “new face of divorce” through her journalism, she’s enjoying her new life.

Last night, Bravo did a bit of a crossover. When Abby is out with her ex, she sees some paparazzi and assumes she’s been recognized. But it turns out they want Shannon from The Real Housewives of the OC . I like Shannon because she’s not afraid to poke fun at herself. When one of the photographers asks about her husband, she says it’s date night, the feng shui worked and to put nine in a bowl.

Dec9

December 8, 2015 — Port Charles & Beverly Hills

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Lulu is putting up Christmas decorations at the Haunted Star while listening to death metal. Maxie comes in and says she’ll untangle the lights. Lulu suggests that when she gets them untangled, she strangle Valerie with them. That gets my vote.

Bobbie asks Valerie what’s up. She’s been sneaking in and out to avoid everyone. Bobbie invites Valerie out to dinner. Hopefully on the docks where someone can push her into the water.

Nathan is meeting Maxie at Kelly’s, but Dante is also meeting Valerie there. Nathan suggests Dante change his venue since he won’t have any peace with Maxie if the two of them are there. Nathan reminds Dante about fraternization. Dante says what’s the big deal about having dinner with a friend? Nathan tries to give him good advice, but Dante is such a jerk, he doesn’t get it.

Nicolas tells Hayden he wants to love her but doesn’t think he can. He says he knows what she’s up to and tries to smother her. Ha-ha! It’s all a dream. They always get me with those.

The ten thousand roses arrive at Patrick’s. Emma makes a joke that the next time her dad buys her flowers, she’d prefer a different kind.

Sam tells Elizabeth to tell Jason how she’s been playing God with his life. Jason tells Sam to accept reality and calm down. She tells Elizabeth to tell the truth and Elizabeth says okay, but not with her there. Oh yeah, I’d totally trust that.

Commercial break. It’s that Ferraro Rocher time of year. Bring it on! My God, I love those candies.

Bobbie says she’s no one to throw stones and she knows Valerie will have a hard time with the first holidays without her mother. I don’t want to feel sorry for Valerie, but I know what that feels like and it’s not pleasant.

Maxie tells Lulu they’re adults and revenge isn’t the solution. She says it will just make things worse. Maybe she should let the rest of Port Charles in on that.

Sam is like yeah, right, you’ll tell the truth as long as I’m not here. She tells Elizabeth she’s no better than Hayden and goes off on her. When she gets to the word “bitch,” Jason gets loud. Please, someone hit this guy on the head and bring his memory back.

Nicholas comes in to the now-awake Hayden’s room. She says she’s afraid of her feelings for him, and he says he’s on to her, just like in the dream. He says she’s been lying about going to ELQ meetings. She says yes, she lied, but he might not like the answer.

Jason tells Sam he’s done with her and “this.” Sam asks what if he’s wrong. He says he doesn’t care and to get out. Sam tells Elizabeth to do the right thing while she can and leaves.

Emma is going to a sleepover so Patrick can get romantic with Sam. She says tomorrow they can start getting ready for the wedding. I don’t know about that…

Valerie says she wanted Dante and Lulu’s marriage to work out, but even though Dante apologized to no end, Lulu gave him separation papers. Bobbie says the distance between separation and divorces is like the distance between Florida and Alaska. She tells Valerie to be careful. She’s concerned that Valerie is taking shelter from her grief with the wrong guy.

Lulu asks how things could get worse and Maxie suggests she think about how things can get better. Lulu says Valerie falling off the face of the earth would make it better. Maxie says Rocco might be affected if Lulu does something stupid. She says Valerie doesn’t matter and Lulu and Dante need to fix things. She leaves to meet Nathan for dinner.

Nathan says he’s going to have to work and has to cancel his plans with Maxie. He begs Dante to stop seeing Valerie until he knows what he really wants.

Alone at the Haunted Star, Lulu hears someone. She has a giant candy cane in her hand and calls out that she’s armed. Who walks in but Johnny, and he says oh, look out, she’s armed with a candy cane.

Hayden says what she told Nicholas about downsizing ELQ is true, but she’s been working with a consultant outside of the office. She shows him a folder with her plans on how ELQ can save money. She says if they lay off a third of the employees, they can increase their profit margin. Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!

Valerie and Dante are at Kelly’s, which has suddenly replaced The Floating Rib as the place to be. Dante says he needs to tell her something, but she wants to go first. She says her feelings for him have grown stronger and she needs to know if he’s going to get back with Lulu.

Maxie comes to the station. She says she needs five minutes of his time. And she brought him some ribs from Kelly’s. Come on now, wouldn’t The Floating Rib be the place to get ribs?

Lulu tells Johnny that he’s a wanted man. He says he doubts he’s very important. He knows she and Dante split up and says he saw it coming.

Elizabeth says thanks for defending her. Jason says he came from an argument with Carly and couldn’t deal with any more. Elizabeth says he knows she doesn’t have anything to hide, right?

Sam comes home to Patrick. She tells him that she was at Elizabeth’s. He says he thought she was past that and she says she did do, but apparently not. She says that she just wants to see it through, but Patrick says she needs to do better than that.

Elizabeth says that Sam is just jealous. Jason asks what it was that Sam says she’s lying about, but she says she doesn’t want to dignify it with an answer. Jason ponders that.

Hayden says she clearly remembers why she broke the vase and it wasn’t because she was jealous of Elizabeth. She knows she was blackmailing Nicholas. She asks why he lied to her.

Dante says that right now he’s being selfish and wants to be with Valerie. He asks if she can handle an uncertain future. Oh I see. He wants to try and work things out with Lulu, but have Valerie just in case it doesn’t work out. Nice guy.

Johnny reminds Lulu of how Dante wanted her to get rid of the Haunted Star when he found out Johnny owned half. He says that their problem has always been that Dante didn’t trust her. Johnny says he’s sorry about what happened. Lulu starts to cry and Johnny hugs her. In a friend way.

Johnny and Lulu have a couple of shots, but Lulu says any more will just make her get sentimental and feel worse. Johnny asks what he can do for her. She says get rid of Valerie. Johnny asks if she wants him to kill Valerie.

I wish he would. Dante is going on and on about not facing up to his responsibilities and just wants to be in the moment with Valerie. She says she’s okay with the uncertainty as long as it means being with him for a while, even if it won’t be forever. These two are ridiculous.

Nicholas says he lied to protect Hayden. She says once she realized, she never said a word to anyone about Jason’s real identity, so why won’t he trust her? He tells her about Britt. Hayden says she had the same problem with her ex-husband, and when she came to town, she just wanted to take it out on everyone. Nicholas wants to get it on, but she says she can’t move forward unless the relationship is based on trust.

Patrick starts wigging out about Sam basing her accusation on what Jake said. He gets a little out of control and does a table flip like he’s on Real Housewives.

Jason says he doesn’t believe Elizabeth is a lying manipulator like Hayden. Man, has he got a lot to learn; she could teach Hayden a thing or two. Elizabeth says she wants to be with the man he is now. They say I love yous and I gag. Elizabeth goes upstairs, but the look on Jason’s face tells me he’s not totally buying that she’s telling the truth.

Hayden tells Nicholas that her dreams are a metaphor for Nicholas getting past her defenses. He says he thinks they’re both in trouble.

Nathan finally finishes work and goes into the interrogation room to find Maxie asleep.

Lulu says she wants Johnny to get rid of Valerie, but not kill her. She says she wants Valerie to go out of their lives and never come back. He says he’ll handle it, but the less she knows the better. I can’t wait to see what he has planned.

The two idiots Valerie and Dante come to the conclusion that maybe they shouldn’t be seen together where everyone else from the station hangs out.

Elizabeth comes downstairs to find Jason gone.

Sam says she’s totally committed to Patrick and is moving forward with the divorce, but Jason still has a right to know the truth. Patrick says it’s over, and goes to leave. Jason is at the door. Patrick leaves and Jason comes in. He apologizes to Sam. He says she’s been nothing but kind and he’s sorry. He says now that he’s more rational, he wants to know what’s going on. Sam tells him that Elizabeth knew for months who he really is.

Tomorrow, more truths from Sam.

Just a note to those who would perpetrate dastardly deeds. I’d rather you didn’t , but if you’re going to, please make it after 4 pm. Kay? Thanks.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Kyle and family are going overseas for a vacation, ending with Nicky Hilton’s wedding at Kensington Palace in Kensington Gardens. Lisa and Ken are coming along for the ride.

Giggy! And Lisa’s closet! Lisa is trying to find something for Kyle to wear at the wedding. I’ve seen Kyle’s closet too, so I’m not getting this.

LisaR is showing off her birthday earrings from Harry. They’re simple round diamond drops set in silver and I love them too. Lisa is having Facetime with her parents. She says she’s able to cope with them getting older and in not such great health by living in the moment. Her mom gives us all TMI about her dad. LisaR signs off by saying she hopes his penis feels better. ♫ La-La-La! ♫

Kyle tells Lisa she’s not going to the wedding anymore. She says she was told it would be better if she didn’t come. She tells Lisa not to bring the dress, but I’ll bet Lisa does anyway. It sounds as if there’s some dispute about Kyle doing the new TV show based on her life, so I guess Kathy is being an idiot. What a shame.

We haven’t seen Yolanda yet, but just for the record, I’m hating on David Foster. What a freaking creep he is to divorce her when she’s so ill and she’s been so supportive of him. Typical though. It’s like when a woman works to put her husband through school, and then when it’s her turn, he books. I hope the next one takes him for everything he’s got and pawns his Grammys.

Eileen and Vince go to Palm Springs where Dick Van Patten has a star on their walk of fame. Eileen had recently lost her sister as well. Her sister had cancer, but had not told anyone she was in the final stage of life, and ended up dying in Eileen’s arms at the hospital. This makes me want to call my sister, who had a stroke last year.

LisaR is meeting LisaV for lunch. LisaR says she likes to be around sparkly things and LisaV sparkles. LisaR talks about going to Dick Van Patten’s memorial. She says he was beloved by everyone and it’s been very difficult for the family.

LisaV says that Ken is going to be 70 soon and she wants to do something special. She’s found the smallest horse in the world in Ohio. The owner is willing to sell it and LisaV wants LisaR to come with her to pick it up. She also wants LisaR and Kyle to help care for it until Ken’s birthday, but the horse likes to sleep in bed with people. It is pretty cute and probably not any bigger than a large dog.

Yolanda is at the oral surgeon. She’s had all her old fillings taken out and replaced with gold crowns, but themetal levels in her blood are still high. So she’s having the crowns tested for what metals are in them and has brought an analysis of her blood work for the surgeon to look at.

I feel so badly for Yolanda. And now I feel even worse because that beast, David, shows up. (The show was taped ages ago, so he’s still pretending to be supportive.)

Yolanda starts to choke and David says it’s the numbing in the back of her throat that’s causing her to think she can’t breathe. When I think about it, it makes sense. David the Cretin jokes about how soon they can have sex.

Boom! We’re in Italy! Kyle and her family have chartered a yacht. It’s not Captain Lee though. As always, the food looks fabulous. Kyle says she never vacationed as a child; she only traveled for work. I’m quite sure this trip alone makes up for it.

Lisa and Ken arrive.  The countryside is absolutely beautiful. Lisa says it’s a different sensibility in Europe. Lisa says she’s glad to be away from the restaurant. I’ll bet.

Kyle and Mauricio have rented a villa. Is there any other way? Mauricio has also rented a Ferrari and is driving to the villa with one of the kids, while Kyle gets there in a van. Mauricio gets lost, so Ken and Lisa arrive before he does. The car keeps telling him to make a U-turn. Of course he doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. What is it with men and not asking for directions? Bible teacher Joyce Meyer says that’s why it took the Israelites 40 years to make an 11 day trip. Ha-ha! Yep. I’ve been a passenger in that car too.

Mauricio tells his daughter that had her mom been in the car, it would have been so not fun for him. They finally get to the villa, and immediately hit the pool. Kyle and Lisa are going to take the car and go exploring. Kyle says it’s nice to be away from all the family drama with Kim.

Back in Beverly Hills, LisaR and Eileen stop by to visit Yolanda. Yolanda’s aide, Daisy, answers the door. They see Yolanda’s medicine cabinet, which is really a linen closet, and there’s a mind-boggling array of stuff. Eileen says it’s like when her sister had cancer. The girls get together with Yolanda in the living room. Yolanda says she can’t remember what it’s like to be normal. She talks about parasites that she had removed and they were quite long. She tells them about having her teeth removed. Eileen says it’s real flashback to her sister trying everything to fight for her life.

After they leave, LisaR says she feels a deep sadness and darkness in seeing a young woman not being able to live her life. She says it seems like she’s succumbed to it and accepted it. Truth be told, she really isn’t looking too good.

Kyle and LisaV are strolling around the grounds with Margaritas, and Kyle says it’s like walking in a painting. Lisa tells Kyle about Yolanda having her teeth taken out. Kyle says she’d asked her doctor about that and he said it can open you up to more problems. Lisa says she believes Yolanda thinks it’s more than Lyme disease and is stabbing in the dark. Kyle says when her mother died of cancer, she suddenly felt like she had weird symptoms and spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it was. Is she intimating that Yolanda is maybe not sick?

Everyone sits down to an enormous dinner at the villa. Ken says he’s getting so old, Lisa should start looking around now for a replacement. She asks why he didn’t tell her that when she was on Dancing with the Stars?

Kyle says she’s going to the wedding now, but Lisa says she didn’t bring the dress because Kyle told her not to. (Okay, I was wrong on that one.) I don’t see why she just can’t buy something new anyway. Mauricio says he’s not going, two of the daughters are in the wedding, and the other kids aren’t going. Huh? Lisa talks about the roller coaster that’s going on with Kathy pulling the strings, but Kyle doesn’t want to talk about it in front of the kids. It just sounds weird. It’s probably not just rich people weird either. Weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people.

Lisa says as her friend, she hates to see Kyle putting her all into relationships only to be manipulated and devastated. In her individual interview, Kyle says there’s been tension in her family and that’s why Mauricio isn’t going. And kids aren’t invited, except for the ones in the wedding party. Lisa says none of it makes sense and she thinks Kyle should detach herself. She says she doesn’t want to overstep her bounds, and one of the daughters says can we please not talk about it now.

Next week, shopping in Europe! And we finally get to meet new housewife Erica – and the tiny horse. Also, a lot of people diving into a pool with their clothes on.

Thought for the day: It must be a lot of responsibility being Joan Collins.

Dec8

December 7, 2015 –GH, Pump & a Little Longoria

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Without wasting any time, ABC breaks in with news that could easily wait until 4 o’clock.

When we finally return, Patrick is talking with Epiphany about Sam. He says, logically, she gets what’s going on and that Jason just doesn’t remember their life together, but in her heart, it’s hard for her to accept. Epiphany says he has to give it time.

Carly is still pressuring Jason about seeking his memory. She says no matter what, she loves him and he says, ditto, but get off his back. She says he keeps having flashes of memories, so he shouldn’t give up. She also says he still has the same instincts. He says she’s still his closest friend, but when he found out he was Jason, nothing happened. He says he wants to move on with Elizabeth, but Carly isn’t receptive to that idea.

Sam tells Elizabeth that Jake told him about the secret between her and Laura. She says Elizabeth saw Jason struggle to find answers, but did nothing. Elizabeth says that’s not true, but Sam says Laura confirmed it. Yep. It’s that old trick of telling them you know already to get them to say what they know.

Anna is at the docks where she lives now. Mac shows up and says that he was able to get Sloane’s computer and phone records. He says the last text was to her and after that, messages were picked up, but not responded to. He asks her to tell him what she knows. She says she thinks Sloan is dead. She tells him about dialing the number on the back of his business card, and that when she dialed, Paul picked up the phone.

Paul is checking out Sloane’s apartment. The super shows up and Paul says that he’s investigating the tenant from the apartment, and that the apartment was recently broken into. He asks if the super saw anyone and he says he thinks so.

Sonny is questioning Ava as to whether she knows gun importer Raj. Sonny says he deals with military weapons and everyone he deals with is on the NSA list. He says she’s jeopardizing Avery’s life. Ava says she would never do that. Sonny tells her she’s headed for prison or death, and he doesn’t want Avery exposed to it.

Jason tells Carly to quit bullying Elizabeth. Carly says Elizabeth is manipulating him and using his gratitude against him. He says he loves Elizabeth. Carly says if he does, that’s fine, but he needs to start trusting his instincts. He tells her again to lay off Elizabeth.

Elizabeth tells Sam she’s full of it. Sam says she can see fear in Elizabeth’s eyes, and she saw it on Cassadine Island too. She says Elizabeth is worse than Helena (which I totally agree with), because Helena never pretended. She says Elizabeth stole Jason’s life from him, Danny and everyone else who loves him. She says Elizabeth knew who he was the entire time and to stop lying. Elizabeth says Sam is lying – to herself.

Ava says Sonny can waste her time with his baloney all he likes, but she’s not putting Avery in harm’s way. She says she used to be afraid of Sonny, but she isn’t anymore. She says he’s weak and no longer a threat to her.  Julian is like, let’s hold on, but Sonny says he’s going to bring Ava down.

Patrick thanks Epiphany for listening. She says listening is easy, but taking action is the hard part. She says all she’s heard from him is how Sam thinks and feels, but what about him? He says he loves Sam. Epiphany says maybe he should remind her and that if he loves Sam, he needs to show her. Yep, lotsa men have a problem with that action part.

Elizabeth says that what Sam really wants is a Jason who doesn’t exist and she lies every time she says she loves Patrick. She says she didn’t take anything from Sam, that her husband is gone. He’s a different person now, and he loves her.

Carly agrees to stop being so pushy. She asks when Jason feels most alive though. She says he loves the rush of putting his life on the line, and Elizabeth will never allow him to be himself. She says she doesn’t want him going through his life half alive. She says it’s his decision, but she thinks marrying Elizabeth is a big mistake. Me too. She says in the old days, he was the one stopping her from being impulsive, but now it’s her turn to tell him to count to ten.

Julian asks if there’s any truth to what Sonny said. Ava says he’s just jealous because she has custody. Julian mentions that Ava said she was seeing someone new and asks if it’s Raj. She says no, but is cagey about whom it really is.

The super says he only saw the guy’s back. Paul says to keep everything on the down low and not to say anything about him being there because the investigation is under wraps. He says maybe he can swing some money the super’s way to pay for the lock and back rent.

Mac says he and Paul got to Port Charles around the same time, but he thought Paul had given up his wicked ways. He asks Anna if she’s sure about his involvement. Anna thinks that Paul killed Sloane and passed the body off as Carrrlos’s. Mac thinks it’s a possibility. Anna says if Carrrlos is alive, Paul has no leverage. Anna is afraid Paul will get to Carrrlos before she does. She wonders why Paul came back to Port Charles in the first place. Mac thinks he knows where to start.

Epiphany tells Sonny he’s missed half his PT session and Carly is annoyed.

Sam says maybe she doesn’t have proof that Elizabeth has been lying to Jason, but she can find it. And when she does, Elizabeth is going to regret every second she kept it to herself. Elizabeth yells at her to get out and when she opens the door, Jason is there. D’oh!

Mac tells Anna they’re going to figure things out together. Anna says they have to investigate Paul without his knowledge.

Paul talks to himself while he’s bagging stuff in Sloane’s apartment, vowing to find out who broke in.

Julian says he’s not going to ask Ava any questions about Raj or guns, because he’s promised Alexis that he’ll have nothing more to do with the mob. He tells her not to underestimate Sonny though. He says Sonny is down but not out.

Sonny says he can’t kidnap Jason for Carly. She says she doesn’t want that, but she wants him to be happy and Elizabeth isn’t putting Jason’s happiness first. Sonny plays devil’s advocate and says maybe he’s happy with Elizabeth. He does add that he wants his old friend back too.

Patrick orders lots and lots of flowers.

Elizabeth says Sam was just leaving. Sam says, no way, either you tell Jason or I will.

Tomorrow, Jason gets really pissed off at Sam.

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa tells the staff that Gay Pride Day is coming up. Jax says last year Lisa focused on PUMP, so he’s hoping that SUR will also get some attention this time around. Lisa says that PUMP was new last year, but she’s also throwing a party at SUR this year.

Jax asks Scheana what she would do if she only had 5 days to live. She says travel, but he says make a hit list. Geez. He says James would be on the list and Scheana asks if that’s because he ended up with Lala instead of Jax. In her individual interview, Scheana says that ever since James started to DJ, the ladies have been loving him, but she couldn’t date someone whose clothes are smaller than hers. Ha-ha!

The dresses for the SUR party arrive and they’re pretty darn cute. A 50s halter style in a mini, pink with a black and white floral pattern. Lisa asks Katie and Ariana to be supportive of Scheana, because she and Shay are going through a tough time. Scheana says that things have been going well, but she doesn’t want him to go overboard with drinking at the party. Jax says he shouldn’t even come, since it’s like a circus of drunks.

James comes over to Lala’s apartment. She has a cute black lab mix named Lily. This has nothing to do with the story, but I love dogs, so I mentioned it. James says that she bummed him out when she was cold to him after talking to Kristen.  James gives us TMI about what he likes sexually, and in her individual interview, Lala says she doesn’t think they’ll ultimately be compatible.

Lala says she has to lay out boundaries for James or he’ll be overly-aggressive. She just wants to date him and not get too involved. James has brought his keyboard and they practice some tracks together. Lala says that she just wants to see how things go, but James says he doesn’t like to leave things open-ended. Lala says that if he’d just shut up and speak through his music, life would be a lot better.

Sxhwartz and Tom take Shay to the gym. Tom says he thinks Shay can benefit from “Afro Brazilian Dance Fighting.” I’m not sure if he’s being funny or this is a real thing. The instructor says he combines a lot of different techniques. The class looks difficult, but fun. They do that rope climbing thing we had to do in elementary school phys-ed, but with some kind of heavy cloth. I’ll bet that’s easier to climb that that stupid rope that hurts your skin. Shay throws up in the parking lot. Maybe they should stop working out for now. Tom and Schwartz do push-ups, while Shay cheers them on.

Tom says the first day of working out is always the hardest. I agree. Tom asks Schwartz about the engagement ring he’s having designed for Katie. Schwartz says it’s awesome and he’s pretty excited about it. They talk to Shay about his addiction, and he says it’s not so much about alcohol, but he had a hard time with kicking the pills.

Scheana is getting her name changed on her driver’s license. Ariana is along for the ride. Scheana has the best experience anyone ever had having their picture taken at the DMV. She’s dressed to the nines and you’d think the “photographer” actually cared. Ariana says she doesn’t believe in marriage for herself – her parents split up, got back together, had another baby,and split up again – but she’s supportive of Scheana and Shay.

Shay says it sucks because Scheana has something to hold over his head now. Schwartz says Shay is one of his few married friends and Shay makes marriage look scary. He says if Scheana and Shay are having problems, what hope is there for him? Dude, the guy is an addict.

Party planner, Kevin Lee, is helping Lisa decorate at PUMP. Lisa wants them to pink it up and gay it up. James is running late and breezes in. Lisa sees some scratches and bruises on him and asks what happened. We both go la-la-la, but he says it wasn’t Lala. I guess they’re not exclusive. Does Lala know that?

Ken tells Lisa that James is getting it on with another hostess at SUR. Lisa is like, in a world full of women, why at my restaurant?

Man! It’s crowded in the streets for Gay Pride. Lisa says she wears a wide brimmed hat to give herself a little barrier because the crowds can be overwhelming. It probably keeps her from getting everyone’s germs too, since everyone does that double-kiss thing in L.A.

Jax says it’s not a restaurant it’s a smorgasbord of people having fun and doing bad things. Lala asks if she and Jax could have a drink, as she wants to talk to him. He tells one of the customers he’s going to <bleep> her. Tell us how you really feel.

Schwartz says Peter with short hair is like Popeye without his spinach. At least he didn’t use a Samson reference. Schwartz isn’t working and Katie is jealous. I’ll bet it’s worth the tips though.  Jax is drinking while he’s bartending and Katie says he’s like a bull in a china shop on roller skates during an earthquake.

Lala sees the marks on James. She asks where he got them and he tells her he was with someone else. Lala asks if he slept with a cobra. Lala says she told him she wouldn’t be annoyed, but she is. She tells him to get out of her face. Lauren (the cobra) asks James to take a walk with her.

Things are as busy at SUR as they are at PUMP and Lisa is mighty pleased. I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a place this crowded. Jax is basically arguing with the customers, telling them that they want more liquor than they’re ordering. Then he breaks a glass – into the ice chest. Good job!

Shay tells Scheana he’s taking it easy. He’s only having a few beers while watching everyone else do shots and get wasted. He says it’s actually embarrassing to think that was him.

The female staff is having a group picture taken and Kristen tries to get into it. She keeps saying how much she’s glad to be away from SUR, but she never seems to really go away.

Lauren tells Lala to let things with James go and that for all he knows, she’s sleeping with other guys. She says Lala shouldn’t ask him a bunch of questions. Isn’t she the one he slept with??? They hug. Isn’t she the one he slept with???

Gay Pride is wild in the streets and the PUMP and SUR parties are still rocking. Lisa says she’s exhausted. I would be too.

Scheana is counting out her tips and it comes to $748. Not bad for a day’s work. She says she feels like a stripper.

Lala asks Kristen if she can take James back. James comes by and asks why she’s angry. Kristen says he’s disgusting and should go away. Jax says James has a self-destructive pattern which is the pot calling the kettle black. Jax and Lala say they’ll speak later, but I don’t know how much that’s directed at James to make him jealous. Lala insists on knowing who it was James slept with. Yep. It was Lauren. Lala doesn’t know who to beat up first.

She’s gunning for Lauren and hunts her down. Lauren says they’re not talking about this and walks away. Apparently, Lauren is also with Anthony the bartender, so Lala lets him in on it. Now Anthony is gunning for Lauren. Lauren makes the camera go away. Lala says it’s not fair and this isn’t happening. Lala, Anthony and Lauren go behind closed doors.

Jax is waiting like a vulture. Jax asks what Lala expected, and Lala says not this. She says at least Jax was real with her from the jump. She leaves with him. She says she’s over James.

Next week – James is pissed at Jax and spits on Kristen’s apartment door.

Telenovela

I knew I was going to like this show even before I saw it. Eva Longoria playing a Spanish telenovela star who doesn’t speak Spanish? What’s not to like? Eva is very funny and has a flair for physical comedy. I love Devious Maids, and since this comes from the same gene pool, I expect I’ll love it too.

A guy from Santo Domingo that I dated for a while turned me on to telenovelas. I had no clue what they were saying, but they were so broadly acted, it wasn’t hard to understand. In one episode that stands out in my mind, two guys were throwing voodoo at each other in the hospital. It was pretty wild stuff, and I think lends itself to satire.

So far, so good. It’s also very reminiscent of Ugly Betty. The real premiere is on January 4.

Dec7

December 6,2015 — No Dead, But an Eclectic Night

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

When we left the…um…ladies, a fight was brewing between Cynthia and Porsha. We now move to fingers in the face. Porsha makes a weird, aggressive move, putting her foot up on Cynthia’s lounge chair and straddling her. Cynthia responds by kicking Porsha In the stomach. Porsha lunges for Cynthia and is held back by the crew or security or whoever. Kandi, coming back from the bathroom, is just like, whaaat?

In her individual interview, Kim says that she has a low tolerance for foolishness. Her and me both. This might be the wrong show for her with this crowd.

Porsha is squeaky screaming and Kenya says that Porsha can’t control herself, the disagreement always has to escalate to violence. Kenya wants Porsha and her buddy off the boat. Bye, Felicia!

Cynthia calls Peter. She says he’s still her rock. Really? She tells him she needs for him to come home, and he says he will.

Kim is pretty appalled. In her individual interview, she says that the worst part is how disappointed they’re both going to be in themselves after they catch a breath. I doubt Porsha knows that emotion.

Porsha is tucked into her chaise lounge at home, with her court of yes men girlfriends around her. She shows some bruises, but it looks like she got them from the guy who had to tackle her. Maybe Cynthia shouldn’t have kicked her one, but she shouldn’t have come up on Cynthia so aggressively. Especially considering her past. She makes noises about being supportive of Cynthia and “dumbing [herself] down.” I’m quite sure she’s so dumb she doesn’t know what that means.

Porsha starts to get loud and squeaky again. She’s rambling about Peter and what she knows. Come on, she doesn’t know anything everyone else doesn’t already.  Including an audience of millions.

Kim and Phaedra meet at a juice bar. Kim is not too happy that the boat ride turned out the way it did. She says she should have opted out like Phaedra did. She said she was just looking forward to a nice ride with her book and her snack. Ha!

Kenya is telling her friends, as Kandi is telling her staff, about the altercation. Phaedra says she saw bruises and cuts, but again, I don’t think that was from Cynthia. Kim says it’s being analyzed like the JFK assassination.  Kenya’s aunt suggests she get the girls together to smooth things over. I think her aunt is crazy. Phaedra says she told Kim it was a wild bunch.

Peter arrives home. Bleh. I can’t stand him. Cynthia says she keeps thinking of how she could have changed the situation, and Peter keeps saying all the wrong things. Her rock. Peter says Cynthia needs to forget about Porsha and examine how she feels about herself. I’m sure what he really means is to think about him.He says he wants to work things out and they get lovey-dovey. How long this will last, who knows.

Kandi has a doctor’s appointment. She goes to Dr. Jackie from Married to Medicine. Kandi is nearly halfway through the pregnancy. Dr. Jackie listens for the baby’s heartbeat. Todd suddenly has to make a call and Kandi is like, really? It couldn’t wait until after the appointment? Dr. Jackie finds the baby’s heartbeat and they look on the sonogram screen. Todd comes back in and they try to fool him into thinking the umbilical cord is something else. Ha-ha! They can’t tell yet though, if it’s a boy or girl.

Phaedra says that her focus has been on the kids. They seem pretty well adjusted considering Apollo’s fall from grace and back into prison. Phaedra whines about being a single mother, but it doesn’t look like she’s hurting any.

Cynthia calls Kenya. Kenya jokes about Cynthia’s Kung Fu Panda moment. Cynthia says she feels awful. Kenya says she wants to give a brunch to get things back on track. Cynthia thinks maybe it’s too soon. Kenya says the problem with her and Porsha is that they waited too long to address things. She might have a point, but it’s empty-headed Porsha we’re talking about. Kenya says if she was able to get past things with Porsha, Cynthia should be able to. Cynthia says, in thinking about it, she may have overreacted.

Kenya wants to meet with Porsha privately before the brunch. They meet at a little coffee/dessert bar. Porsha asks what’s up. Like she doesn’t know. Oh, wait, it’s Porsha. Maybe she doesn’t. Kenya says they once had their own altercation and what happened on the boat didn’t sit well with anyone. Porsha tries to act like it’s somebody else’s fault and talks about Kenya throwing shade at her friend, Shemia.

Kenya  says Porsha never takes responsibility for her actions. She tries telling Porsha that, considering their history, she could see how Porsha looked like the aggressor. Porsha says she doesn’t trust Kenya and she doesn’t need to justify her actions to anyone. She says she’ll be glad to talk to Cynthia, but it was just one of those things that snowballed. She gets angry that Kenya is telling her the truth, because she’s stupid and vain. She’s about to run from the situation, when Kenya calls a time out and says she should just tell Cynthia they were both wrong. They clink smoothie take-out cups.

Kandi and Kim are first to arrive at the brunch. Everyone else is late. Kim is annoyed and I don’t blame her. Phaedra strolls in, calling it a “unity luncheon.”  Kandi still isn’t sure if Phaedra is being genuine with her. Cynthia is feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. Kim is like, let’s just say it, and asks Cynthia how it’s going. Kenya and Porsha come in together.

Kenya says she wanted to bring them together because of what happened. Kim says, being new, she doesn’t have a side, but it’s important to have clarity to move forward. Porsha and Cynthia decide to talk privately. Kim says she hopes they come back in one piece. Ha-ha!

Cynthia asks Porsha if she’s okay. Porsha says yes, but emotionally, she’s hurt.

Kenya says her talk with Porsha didn’t go well, and Kandi says Kenya seems to be good at pointing out other people’s flaws, but her own, not so much. Phaedra suggest that Jesus take the wheel , and drive fast. Kenya says she was just trying to be a grown up and help make things right.

Porsha says she’s sincere in wanting to move forward and feels Cynthia is sincere too. They hug it out. When they come back, applause all around.

Next week, Atlanta is in the Miami house! Oh wow, it looks like there will be another strange-men-in-the-house situation. Like there was with the New York Wives, except this looks more serious. And speaking of Miami, are those Wives ever coming back? I noticed they snuck in a Real Housewives of Cheshire on Saturday afternoon. Trial run?

Once Upon a Time

Hook is flashing back to his childhood, where his father wasn’t such a nice guy and he got sold into slavery. Mr. Gold/Rumpelstiltskin has Excalibur.

Dark Emma says the man she loved died in Camelot and all that’s left is the darkside. She and the others are splitting up to find Hook.

Zelena pops in poof! in front of Robin and Regina. She wants to discuss her daughter with her baby daddy, Robin. She says they’ll all be dead soon, so it won’t matter anyway. Two hooded figures come up behind Robin and Regina. At the same time, hooded figures surround the other groups. One walks through Henry.

Rumpel appears out of nowhere and tells them to look at their wrists. They have the mark of Charon, an old guy who runs a ferry to the underworld. Rumpel says the underworld is a worse place than even fire and brimstone. He tells them to use their time wisely, to say good-bye. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Regina finds Hook by the water. BTW, his first name is Killian. Regina says he might be the dark one now, but he’s not the same guy he was when they first met. He says she has no idea what kind of man he is. And he doesn’t mean that in a good way.

He flashes back to when Enchanted Forest Regina recruited him to kill her mother. In exchange, she promised to send him to a land with no magic so he could get his revenge on Rumpelstiltskin.

Henry looks through a spell book, hoping for something to counteract the curse they’re under. They decide to gather at Granny’s diner. They leave Dark Emma to continue searching. She tells Regina if she can destroy the dark ones, they’ll all be spared. Dark Emma reminds her of when she said they have to do whatever it takes to get rid of the darkness. Regina says it has to be put into someone, a sacrifice. Dark Emma says it will be herself.

Belle meets Rumpel at the shop. He tells her to go see the world and fulfill her dreams. He tells her to take the car, say good-bye to her father, and start living. She says she knew there was a hero inside him and they say good-bye.

Regina and Dark Emma enter the shop. He tells them to go away. Regina says no way, there are a lot of people in the underworld who would like to see the both of them. She tells Rumpel that Emma wants to take the darkness into herself, which will destroy the darkness – and her. Rumpel gives them Excalibur. For nothing, which is a surprise. Doesn’t magic always come with a price? He says it might not work because the blade chooses who it finds worthy. Regina says, later. She has to help Robin protect the baby from Zelena.

In the old days, Regina and Hook stop at a tavern. Someone yells pirates aren’t welcome. Hook turns to face them.

Robin and Regina come home to find Zelena looking at color swatches to redecorate their house. She says in an hour, they’ll be dead, and she’s moving in. Zelena says last time Regina tried to use the dagger it didn’t work. Regina says that’s because she didn’t believe in herself and says let’s take it outside. They go to the clock tower, and Regina uses the power of the dagger to blow Zelena back to Oz.

Dark Emma goes to the diner and silently says good-bye to her family. A dark figure tells Hook he knows what he needs to do.

Old days Hook reveals himself to his father at the tavern. His father is surprised he’s alive and he says they both cheated death. Hook wants to know why he was sold into servitude. His father says he met a woman who helped him see the error of his ways and wishes he’d known her back in the day. He says he’s sorry. Hook wants to know where she is.

Hook’s father says that she died. Hook says he came there to kill him, but they’ve both suffered enough already. He says he can arrange a letter of transit and transport for his father, but can’t come along. His father asks if he can arrange transport for two because he has another son.

Storybrooke Hook stops Dark Emma from leaving. He says he’s saving her because she made him the man he always wanted to be. She says she’s sorry, but she couldn’t watch another person she loved die. He says now she’ll watch everyone die. She brandishes Excalibur, but sees Henry who takes the sword from her. Poof! in a cloud of red smoke, he turns into Hook. She tells him please, don’t do this, but he says nope, he is, and poof! he disappears in another cloud of red smoke.

Snow finds a note from Dark Emma on the diner jukebox. Belle appears and says Hook has already stopped her and there’s no way to prevent their trip to the underworld.

Everyone appears in a forest, where there are a bunch of dark, hooded figures hanging around, along with Hook. Dark Emma runs out of the forest to join them. Regina says Hook can’t do this and he has to ask himself the same question he did on the night they don’t speak of: what kind of man do you want to be?

Hook’s stepbrother tells his father he doesn’t want to leave. Hook’s father says they’ll be fine and he’ll never leave him. Hook is outside and says that his father is telling his stepbrother the same lie he told him. He kills his father with his hook. The last thing his father says is that he can always change.

A hooded figure says it’s time. Dark Emma tries to stop things and suddenly chokes. The figure says maybe she can’t kill Dark Emma but she can stop her. Dark Emma keeps choking and Hook says enough. He pulls the Excalibur card and black snaky things come out and make the hooded people disappear.

He says the darkness won’t stay in Excalibur much longer and tells Dark Emma to take it from him and let him take on the darkness because her family needs her. She doesn’t want to do it, but he wants to die a hero. She takes the sword. She tells Hook she loves him and then – is she supposed to stab him with it or what? Yes, she is. And she does. Lots of tears. I’d cry too, but it’s all more confusing than anything else.

They all pop back to Storybrooke and voila! everything is cool again. Excalibur turns to dust. Wait, not so cool. Hook just keeled over.

The EMTs (God only knows what they must be thinking) cover Hook’s face over and put him in the ambulance.

Rumpel  is having a drink (what does he need one for?) in the shop. Belle comes in, says Henry told her everything, and gives him a big kiss. (I guess because he handed over Excalibur?) She says she wanted to see the world, but with him. While Belle is sleeping, he puts on his Mission Impossible clothes. He gets a text from Emma, who’s in the shop.

Rumpel is like, this isn’t the diner, you people have to stop just showing up. Emma says the dagger called to her and she knows he has it. She says he must be the dark one. When Hook thought he was destroying the darkness, he was only moving it. Rumpel says things are as they should be now.

Emma tries to throw some magic at him, but he says he has all the magic of all the dark ones who ever lived. Emma says she still has magic and he has to do something for her. Rumpel says why should he? And Emma says she’ll tell Belle who he really is if he doesn’t.

Rumpel opens the door to the underworld for Emma and the others. It’s pretty cool looking. Kind of like a pretty swamp with blue lighting. Here comes that guy in the boat. Don’t they have to answer three questions or something? Or was that just in Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

They get ready to board the boat.

On March 6, the story of Storybrooke takes place in the underworld and the quest to find Hook is on.

No Walking Dead tonight. There’s a marathon of Into the Badlands instead. I definitely give it a thumbs up.

Work Out New York

Just a first impression. Hot trainers with egos the size of the state of Rhode Island, but who are also insecure. I’m in! But, hey, what ever happened to Jackie What’s-her-name and that other workout show? She was pretty interesting.

Bad Words

Another quickie. I had never heard of this film and caught it on HBO today. It was on the TV when I came back from the store (yes, I leave it on for the dogs), and I just didn’t bother changing the channel. I’m glad I didn’t, because this was a terrific film.

In a nutshell, Jason Bateman is a 40-year-old guy who finds a loophole in a national spelling bee contest. (He has his reasons for wanting to be in it.) He enters the contest, competing against children. He befriends one of the kids, and they both grow in the process. It was heartwarming without being obnoxious, was well-written, and the acting was great. It was a unique story as well. I’m really glad I stumbled across it.