Category Archives: horror

Nov30

November 29, 2015 — The Dead Walk, the Wives Squawk & Dark Clouds Stalk

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Walking Dead

Ok, it’s creepy already. We’re going down a hallway while Tiny Tim’s Tiptoe Through the Tulips plays in the background. Jessie’s son, Sam, is drawing weird pictures in crayon. A bunch of ants crawl down the frame of his window to the plate of uneaten food next to the bed. WTF?

Moving on. Last week, the church tower fell, opening the walls of Alexandria to the zombie horde. This is not good news. The zombies are getting pretty gross too. Rick gets it together quickly and tells everyone to get inside.  Very intense stuff.  Deanna comes out shooting, but she’s a bad shot so not much help.

This really sucks. Even Carol is falling all over the place, she’s so startled. Rick drags Deanna’s ass inside. Maggie is having a tough time of it, but manages to climb a ladder. Since she’s climbing for two, she’s pretty motivated. The ladder falls out from under her, but she pulls herself up there. Geez, I’m tired now.

The green balloons are still floating in the sky. Eugene is somehow remaining unobtrusive, but is still outside, and Tara and the girl whose name I don’t know, save him. I’m sure someone must have gotten eaten here, but all the main characters get to safety, such as it is, while the zombie horde roams the streets of Alexandria.

Commercial break. Dammit! Why does Krampus have to be PG-13? It looks so good, but I can’t deal with a room full of kids and their cell phones.

From a distance, Glenn and Enid can see what’s going on at Alexandria. Glenn says people are still alive, but Enid says this is how it happens and it always happens. Glenn says they’re still alive and why lose people before they’re even gone? Very good point.

Jessie’s son is acting very freaky. Jessie comes busting in with Rick and a bunch of people and this kid is on his last nerve. Jessie tells him to pretend like it’s all good, but he’s petrified and not functioning. He needs to turn off that music.

Carol and Morgan are stuck together. Carol says she doesn’t trust him, but she doesn’t think he’s a liar either. She asks how it is outside and he says they’re still in the streets. Did they think the zombies would be gone by now? Carol is hurt and Morgan tells her she needs to sit down before she falls down.

Somehow Denise got stuck with the Wolf that Morgan captured. He’s like, it’s cool to talk, and she says she should be out helping people. She says he’s killed people, and he says they were freed. Denise says Morgan doesn’t want to let him go until he knows he won’t kill again. The Wolf says he has an infection from cutting himself on a rusty bumper. Denise takes a look at it and tells him he can change. Let’s hope that wound is what he’s saying it is and he doesn’t change into a zombie. He looks at Denise like he has a crush on her. Or maybe he wants to eat her. I’ve looked at cakes that way.

Michonne is checking out Deanna’s would. Are those teeth marks?

Yep, I guess so. Rick says she doesn’t have much time. He says he’s going to try and get a vehicle and get the zombies out of there.

Michonne tries to distract Deanna by discussing the plans she gave them for the new Alexandria. Deanna says that she got to do what she wanted up until the end and asks Michonne what she wants for herself. Michonne says she doesn’t know and Deanna says she’d better. She probably knows she doesn’t want to turn into a zombie.

Ron whines to Carl that they’re all dead and tells him his dad’s a killer. Carl says so is his, and that gives Ron pause for thought. Ron locks the door and attacks Carl. Then he busts open a window like a freakin’ jerk. The zombies are all focused on getting in now. Idiot! They should throw Ron out there with them.

Now everyone has to run like crazy to get away and they can barely hold the door shut with a couch. Rick asks Carl what the blip happened. This probably isn’t the time to have some big discussion. Ron goes upstairs and Carol follows. Carl draws his gun and tells Ron to give him his gun. Carl takes the gun from him. Carl says he gets that his dad killed Ron’s dad, but Ron needs to get that his dad was an a-hole. His word, although I concur.

Commercial break. Episode of Fear 462. The first passenger turns into a zombie.

Great. Baby Judith is crying and attracting zombies. Uh-oh. Deanna is gone. Rick opens the door and finds her over the crib and almost chops her in the head with an ax, but she’s like, hold on there, I’m still alive. Rick says from now on someone needs to be with her. And it can’t be Judith. Oh wow. Rick made a funny. She gives him something from Spencer to Maggie and Rick says he’ll make sure she gets it. Deanna tells him she didn’t run out to help him because she liked him, or a bunch of other reasons, but because he’s one of them. They are all his people.

Girl whose name I don’t know asks Tara if she thinks it’s curtains for Alexandria. Tara says no. For some reason Girlfriend says she thinks Abraham is dead. Tara is like, is not. Girlfriend wants to spread out from the area of the building they’re in, and Eugene says lock picking is within his skill set.

Morgan asks Carol if she’s all right and she says she’s just resting her eyes. That’s what my dad used to say when he was falling asleep in the recliner. Morgan is looking around and doesn’t see Carol. She pops out and grabs some keys from him and takes off. What?

Rick and company are having a hell of a time and the zombies have gotten totally into the house. Damn! They block the staircase with the couch.

Denise is tending to the Wolf’s wound and Carol comes in with a knife saying get away from him. Denise says he’s tied up, but she moves. I would too if Carol had a knife in my face. Morgan is right behind her with his stick. WTF, Carol?

Rick and Michonne pick off a couple of zombies and drag them upstairs. The plan is to gut the zombies, put the guts on bed sheets, and get to the armory. Rick says anyone who stays will die. Will someone please turn that record off?

Morgan says they can be better than the Wolfs; they don’t have to kill. Carol says she doesn’t want to have to kill Morgan too. I have a bad feeling about this, Beavis.

Deanna asks Michonne what’s going on. She’s not looking too good. She says it’s her life from start to finish. She has a gun and says she’s not ready yet, but she will be. She tells Michonne to go. Michonne thanks her for believing in them. Deanna tells her to figure out what she wants. Probably surviving is at the top of the list.

DAMMIT! TURN THAT RECORD OFF! Jessie tells Sam that he has to pretend to be brave and they have to go.

Carol says she’s going to kill Morgan to kill the Wolf because she doesn’t want anyone else to die. This makes perfect sense, said no one ever.The Wolf says they should kill him, but they’re all going to die anyway. Morgan knocks the knife (scissors, whatever it is) out of her hand with the stick, and they tussle. Carol gets knocked out and the Wolf gets free and grabs the knife.

Rick and company put the gut covered sheets on. Stupid Father Gabriel claims that he won’t turn back no matter what happens. We’ll see.

Denise begs the Wolf not to kill them. She says he claimed they were dead anyway. He frees himself, and comes after her with the knife and she tells him he’s full of sh*t. Eugene, Tara and Girlfriend come in, but the Wolf puts the knife to Denise’s throat, so they lower their weapons.  He takes one of the guns and walks past them, holding the gun to Denise’s head. Why he wants to leave is beyond me.

Rick and the others are ready to leave the house. Hopefully, it doesn’t rain this time. This looks so disgusting, I can almost smell it. The crowd of zombies in the house reminds me of some NYC parties I’ve been to. Glenn and Enid see them come out of the house from a tree.

Deanna is about to shoot herself, but shoots a few zombies first. You go, girl!

I can understand not moving fast, but this group should probably get off the porch. That stupid freaking kid! He starts going, “Mom…mom…mom…” Shut the blip up!

Next week, Daryl and company can’t catch a break.

Oh, and thanks for the earworm, Walking Dead.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kenya “stops by” Sheree’s house. It does look like kind of a mess, but really just a work in progress. Kenya says it’s at least 15 to 20,000 square feet. Yep, it’s big. Kenya talks about how she had her entire house gutted and it sounds like a headache. Kenya invites Sheree to a party on a yacht. She wants to give Cynthia a good time since she got stuck with that cretin, Peter, as a partner in life.

Phaedra is out shopping with Porsha, who’s looking for some cute, trashy close for Facetime with her boyfriend.

Peter is in Charlotte (good, stay there) and Cynthia invites Kandi over. Kandi tells her that she has some pregnancy issues, but she feels she’s taking it easy enough. She talks about the restaurant she and Todd want to open. Cynthia makes excuses for Peter like she usually does, but she also admits their relationship isn’t working. Please, get rid of him already.

Kim is talking to Phaedra about an event she went to with “too much boobage” and Phaedra says that she might be in with the wrong crowd here. She says she doesn’t really have a huge social life, it mostly revolves around her husband and kids.  She tears up, realizing she’s lost herself somewhere in there.

Porsha dresses up like a porn star for her chat with her boyfriend. She keeps checking herself in the mirror while eons go by and she can’t get ahold of him. An hour goes by. She calls Phaedra to complain about having to wait on Duke. Phaedra says the thrill is gone and it’s run its course. Geez, it didn’t take much.

Kenya picks up Cynthia and her friend, Tammy. Kandi picks up Kim in what looks like an airport limousine. She says she needs a lot of room because of the pregnancy. Kim says she admires Kandi’s entrepreneurship. They talk about sex toys, as Kandi has a line of them. Kim says this is very different from her normal carpool experience.

Oh this should be good. Tammy’s best friend is Sheree’s ex-husband. She let’s fly that Sheree was a gold digger.

Kandi picks up Porsha and some friend of hers that we don’t get introduced to. Kim expresses concern that Kenya will bedriving the boat, but they have a legitimate captain. And some hunky bartenders. Kenya greets the rest of the guests, indicating that she didn’t invite Shemia, who is the tagalong friend. She was also at Kenya’s launch party. Kenya has to explain to Porsha that not all parties include a plus one.

Tammy acts all fangirl with Kandi having been in Xscape.  Kenya makes an announcement that the party is all about Cynthia. Sheree comes on board and they shove off.

Tammy talks to Kandi about her son’s rap song and says she wants to get him in the studio with Kandi. Tammy says Sheree’s ex is producing him. Kandi is evasive and rightly so. This is no place to be bugging her about work stuff and Kandi says in her individual interview that she doesn’t want to hear about anything without a budget. Tammy says her husband is “Nazi white.” What is this girl on?

Kim pulls out a book, which is probably what I would do, and Kenya throws it overboard. Everyone is drinking heavily, except for Kandi and Kim. Now they’re going to get in the water. Brilliant. They’re wearing life jackets, but still.

Kenya says thanks to everybody for being supportive at her event despite the heat. She says the only one who threw shade was Shemia, and next thing we know, Kenya is looking to have this uninvited guest escorted off the boat. Portia uses the term “bitch” in reference to Cynthia and even though they’ve been using this word toward each other all day, Cynthia isn’t liking it. In her individual interview.  Porsha says she didn’t mean it in an insulting way and suggests that the last shot must have turned her into Peter.

Kenya has to explain that Porsha should just apologize and let it go. Porsha goes to find Cynthia, who has gone to the other side of the boat with Kim. Cynthia claims that Porsha was being disrespectful. Porsha says she’s sorry, but she doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong, which isn’t exactly an apology. They get into a finger-in-your-face shouting match that ends (at least for tonight) with Porsha jumping up and onto Cynthia. I flashback to when she did the same thing to Kenya on the reunion. This girl has no self-control. They tend to throw the term “ghetto” around too, but I think this is actually it.

Next week – the fight continues and Porsha ends up flailing about on the floor again.

Once Upon A Time

I’m putting this show last, even though I watched it first. I thought if somebody new reads this and it’s the first thing they read, they’ll think I’m high or something. It’s not me, it’s the show. I’m sure my writing is as hard to follow as it is for me to follow the program. If this was the 80s, I’d swear the writers are on crack.

Hook throws the dreamcatcher in Dark Emma’s face and those black stringy things go all over, roping him in. He remembers coming to the dark side and emerges out of the forest sewer cap in the hoodie required to be in the dark one club. Rumpel is waiting for him.

Rumpel says he can get his revenge for him.  And then he’ll be capable of doing what he’s always wanted to do – killing Rumpel.

Regina tells Dark Emma thanks a lot for turning Hook dark. Snow tells Dark Emma to give back their memories. David says the dreamcatchers are gone.

Hook goes to Mr. Gold’s shop and says he wants to savor killing him. He reminds Gold/Rumpel of how he came to be dark in the first place. Hook says all Rumpel has to do is get Excalibur from him and asks if they should finish what they started.

Rumpel says they have to find out more about the first dark one to stop Hook. Dark Emma says she can help, but she needs the cuff that’s holding her back to be taken off. She pleads with Henry to believe she’ll behave herself, but Henry is like, oh no, you’ve lied one too many times and you just want your dark magic back so you can be bad all over the place. Emma is bummed because they don’t trust her, but what did she expect? Trust has to be earned, dark one.

Everyone goes to the forest sewer cap, but it’s shut and they can’t get down there.  Snow thinks Lancelot’s mother, the Lady of the Lake, can help. Lancelot leaves to find her. Hook asks why dark ones must dress like monks. Ha-ha! Rumpel finds him wandering about the forest whining about how he’s stuck in Camelot. Dark Emma joins the both of them. She says she wants a future with Hook, and he has to want it too. He says he does and Rumpel disappears. Emma says they can get rid of the darkness in themselves by bonding with their loved ones, and I’d swear it was Iowa from all the corn.

Mr. Gold tells Belle that if he survives the duel with Hook, he’s going to be the man she wants him to be. He’s run from battles his whole life and isn’t running from this one.

Zelena tries to come into the hospital to get her baby, but her daughter is gone. Regina says they needed to protect the child from her. Regina says the only reason she has the baby is because she killed Marion and deceived Robin.

Merida is guarding Dark Storybrooke Emma. Hook startles her and she almost shoots him. Dark Emma says the reason Hook is there is because he still has feelings for her. Hook says he’s free now, and no one can stop him. Dark Emma says the darkness is just using him; it doesn’t care about what he wants. He says she’s so afraid of losing the people she loves, she pushes them away. He says she doesn’t need the darkness, she does fine on her own. He says he wants to hurt her like she hurt him. Even when you’re a dark one, you can’t escape middle school.

In Camelot, however, Dark Emma and Hook are making out in the woods. Hook goes to get water (can’t he just conjure some up?) and he gets a headache. Rumpel appears and says it’s the sound of the dagger. He says Dark Emma must have it and she’s lying to him. Dark Emma comes looking for Hook and he asks if she knows where Excalibur is. She says something unrelated like, “How about them Mets?” to deflect the question. He asks if she used its magic on him. He’s pretty pissed that she turned him dark. He says he stopped Regina from using it on her because she should make her own decisions and she should have let him make his. Then he’s gone, poof! in a puff of red smoke. Burgundy really.

Rumpel is in the shop practicing with the sword and gets interrupted by Dark Emma. She wants Hook to last long enough in the duel for her to steal back the dreamcatchers and suggests he use magic. Rumpel says he wants to win with honor. She’s like, good luck with that.

Regina brings Zelina to her house where Robin and the baby are, reminding Zelena that she has her powers back too. Zelena says,  “Once you go green, you never go queen,” referring to her tryst with Robin. Regina says she’s spent years doing terrible things beyond Zelena’s imagination, but having a child changed things. She hopes that kind of love does the Jessiee for Zelena. Robin says although he and Zelena can never be a family, she can have supervised visits with the baby. Does this baby have a name yet?

Belle, David, Henry & Snow are at the library doing research. How come they’re not using a computer? Dark Emma ambushes Henry. She asks for help with the dreamcatchers and Henry agrees.

Dark Emma searches for Hook with no luck. She summons him with Excalibur. He says it wasn’t cool for her to make him feel out of control. She says she called him because she does believe he should control his own fate. She gives him Excalibur and says let’s do this together. She says she loves him. He returns the sentiment and they make out in a field of flowers.

Mr. Gold shows up at Hook’s ship. Hook says it has to be a fair fight (that’s good of him) and heals Rumpel’s leg. They duel with swords.

Commercial break. Galavan is coming back! I liked that show & I also forgot about it. It was so weird, I didn’t think it would come back. Certainly not after all this time.

Hook and Dark Emma hook (ha-ha!) back up with the others. Merlin is staring into a bubbling caldron. Hook walks in on him and steals his heart. Rumpel says be careful, it’s pretty old. Nimue also pops in. (Every time I hear her name, that song The Lion Sleeps Tonight plays in my head.) She says she’s always loved Merlin. Hook says she lives in all dark ones, so when he crushes Merlin’s heart, so will she.

Hook and Rumpel continue to fight. Rumpel loses his sword and Hook has him at a disadvantage.

Henry, who has brought stuff to make a new dreamcatcher, takes the cuff off of Dark Emma.

Dark Emma finds Hook with Merlin’s heart. She’s pretty pissed because he tricked her. She asks Nimue what she wants and she says Dark Emma wants it too. Dark Emma gets the feels and tells Hook revenge isn’t his happy ending and if he destroys Merlin’s heart, he’ll destroy his happy ending. He says the happy ending died when she turned him into a dark one and he crushes Merlin’s heart.  Whoa. That’s cold.

Hook prattles on and magic forest Rumpel pops in asking what’s the delay. When Hook looks at him, Mr. Gold/Rumpel turns the tables. I don’t think he kills him though. Belle meets Rumpel in the woods, but they don’t make out. She tells him he’s broken her heart too many times. He says, but wait a minute, I won the battle, my heart is pure now, so let’s make out. Belle basically says she has to go find herself and needs to protect her heart. There you go. After all that.

Dark Emma makes Merlin’s body go poof! in a cloud of grey smoke. She tells Hook she’ll never abandon him, not even now, makes a hand gesture (not that one) and he keels over. She brings out a dreamcatcher. She makes everyone go to sleep. She uses the dreamcatcher to erase the memories of her turning Hook dark.

Rumpel tells her no good is going to come of this. Lots and lots and lots of blue smoke envelops everything.

All of a sudden, Excalibur is back at Camelot and Arthur’s eyes bug out of his head. From the tower window, Arthur and Guinevere see the humongous cloud of smoke coming their way too. Arthur tells Guinevere that it’s dark magic coming.

Everyone gets dreamcatchers like they’re party favors. Emma says she remembers and she knows what they’re doing, meaning Hook and Rumpel.

Hook and Rumpel are at some creepy pond. Hook dips his hook into the pond. A ghost ship appears! Well, more like a gondola. There are a bunch of hooded dudes in it and one comes across the pond, walking on the water. It’s Nimue and she says she’s hear to do what dark ones do best, snuff out the light. Hook says welcome to Storybrooke. And I thought those snuffers all lived in my town.

The winter finale – whatever that is – an excuse to take a break – is next week.

Nov28

November 27, 2015 — Of Chefs & Zombies

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Master Chef Junior

Just a few words on tonight’s show. I don’t say too much about this one because making sarcastic comments about a children’s competition just wouldn’t be right.

The deal this week was a three team relay race to make 7-layer dip, with the judges ending up with their faces in the dip. They do a lot of Nickelodeon  type antics on this show. I guess the kids enjoy it. It’s kind of funny because they’re so mature, you sometimes forget they’re kids. Until someone’s face goes into the dip.

The winners also get to pick wrinkly, smelly or spicy ingredients for the non-winners (are we allowed to say losers anymore?) to use in the elimination challenge. One of the smelly ingredients is liver. I’m the only person on the planet who likes liver. In butter with mushrooms and onions. The winners pick the smelly ingredients for the others to cook with.

You know when Gordon asks you to taste something, it’s not going well for you. But that’s okay, kids who went home, I’m decades older than you and I wouldn’t even have a clue as to what to do with truffle oil.

Z Nation

We start off at the USA/Mexican border with a zombie trying to eat a drone. Operation Bite Mark is getting rid of a whole load of zombies and I’m wondering if 10K is still counting and how does he keep count anyway?

Murphy isn’t looking too good, but Roberta tells him that if he’s the zombie messiah, it’s time for a miracle.

Doesn’t happen, but suddenly a bunch of people in Day of the Dead makeup drop down from the roof like a SWAT team and take care of the mini horde.

It’s our old friend, Escorpion. Murphy outs himself as The Murphy, and Roberta says they have to get him to CDC. She says if Escorpion doesn’t back off, she’ll kill him. Murphy not Escorpion. Murphy shows his bite marks. Escorpion tells them to lower their weapons and he won’t interfere. He says if he wanted them dead, he would have left them to the zombies. Good point.

Escorpion is making zombies into compost from which he can create energy. He takes them through the building and out into a gorgeous compound on the Mexican side. Escorpion says they’re lucky one of his drones spotted them. He says he’s been tracking them and that whenever there’s some crazy bullsh*t going on, it’s them. He says their queen can give OBM a bounty better than the CDC. Since the bounty isn’t what OBM is after, I’m not sure what’s up here.

He introduces them to La Reina, Queen of the Zeros, played by Gina Gershon. She praises Roberta on her skills at getting Murphy to her, when her best men weren’t capable. On the side, Addy asks Roberta what the plan is. Roberta says to stay alive and get out when they can – with Murphy.

La Reina says Escorpion is aggressive and lacks tact so the people come to her for inspiration and hope. She says only the Zeros have the ability to distribute narcotics globally and she can get the antidote to the people. Her doctor has been working on a vaccine and the final ingredient needed is Murphy’s blood.

Oh dammit! It’s Dr. Kurian from the CDC suddenly popping in.

La Reina is surprised to find they know each other. She’d lost track of the doctor in Colorado, where he took off with her money and research. He was brought back to “atone.” She tells Roberta that she gets where Roberta is coming from, she would want revenge too, but she doesn’t want her killing the doctor. Roberta says she can’t anyway because they took her gun.  La Reina says that sometimes to save humanity, you have to put up with some disagreeable men, but some day that will change.

Murphy goes to Dr. Kurian’s lab. He asks why the doctor didn’t contact him and does he realize all the stuff Murphy’s gone through.  Dr. Kurian asks what he wants him to do, send a Hallmark card? Murphy gets ready to have his blood taken.

La Reina offers OBM future positions in her empire. Vasquez tells Roberta to say yes. La Reina says there is a formality first, an examination, and burlap bags are put over the heads of OBM. OBM is put into a room where they’re supposed to fight zombies with rather primitive weapons. Escorpion and his cronies place bets. A zombie is let in and Addy gives it mercy. Escorpion says he’s going to do them a favor and Vasquez flashes back to another time where he’s heard him say that before. Oooh, Escorpion was the guy who killed Vasquez’s family.  Escorpion turns out the lights and lets in a load of zombies.

When the lights come back up, the zombies are dead and OBM is still standing.

Dr. Kurian sticks a needle in a guard’s neck and brings him into the lab. He gave him a full dose of the vaccine. He immediately pops up with crazy eyes and tries to attack Murphy. Murphy does his mind meld thing and the zombie backs off. Murphy plays a mirror game with him for a while and then he keels over. Dr.Kurian apparently needs to work out some kinks.

In the meantime, the rest of OBM is getting spiffed up. Apparently, the Zeros had amazing outfits in just the right sizes. Ha-ha! Doc’s beard had rollers in it and comes out all curly. Escorpion tells them to come with him. We see the same tattoo as the guy had in Vasquez’s flashback.

There’s a big ceremony and La Reina comes out in a burgundy mantilla with a crown of buzzard skulls or something. She says she’s going to bestow the greatest honor on OBM by making them “one of us.” OBM are given their weapons back and it’s on to the celebration, which consists of Spanish music and a nice buffet.

Vasquez tells Roberta he wants to kill Escorpion and he has to do what he came there to do.

Addy is wandering around and sees some guys using a zombie as a piñata. Way to rock a party!

And there’s entertainment. Señor somebody gets on stage with his ventriloquist dummy and Escorpoin promptly shoots him in the head. Tough crowd. I would be afraid to follow that act. Luckily, the lady doing the flamenco dancing passes muster.

Roberta asks Murphy, who is dressed in a matador outfit, what happened. He tells her that Dr. Kerian took his blood. He says he wants a cure as much as anybody, but she says he’s enjoying his power too much.

Vasquez is about to shoot Escorpian in the back of the head, and Roberta stops him. Because Escorpion is standing in front of La Reina, the queen thinks Vasquez was going to assassinate her. Escorpion says he might be working with others and takes Vasquez away to be tortured. Escorpion asks why he was trying to kill the queen and he says he wasn’t.  He asks who Vasquez is working for, the Russians, the Chinese or rich people. Vasquez says he doesn’t know what Escorpion is talking about. Escorpion threatens him with an egg beater. A messenger comes to tell Escorpion something and he tells Vasquez he has good news, but not for him.

Dr. Kurian announces that he has the vaccine. La Reina wants a demonstration. For that he needs a volunteer. Escorpion graciously offers Vasquez. Le Reina says this is the beginning of a new world order. The doctor is about to inject Vasquez, when the screen says —

Continúara .

Nov23

November 22, 2015 — Atlanta & the Dead

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Phaedra is treating Porsha to a colonic. A colonic is the new brunch. I’m on the fence as to whether those are really a good idea or not. Oh I see, the people who administer them are called “colonic therapists” now.  Phaedra stays in the room and Porsha makes a bunch of noises when it starts. TMI right off the bat.

Porsha says that a couple of the ladies brought up some tabloid headlines that were about her new boyfriend, Duke (what is he, royalty or a Great Dane?), like him dating a transgender woman. Porsha doesn’t care as long as he has a package and he’s breathing. Phaedra goes on and on about how Apollo’s motorcycle was at Kandi’s house when the tax man was looking for it. As Kandi said last week, I think he was looking for more than that, but Phaedra wants to misdirect her anger.

There’s also a dog wandering around the colonic room. Never mind, it was Kandi’s dog as one scene was edited into another.

Peter hasn’t contacted Cynthia in a week. I’d change the locks. She’s interviewing tutors for her daughter and both her assistant, Leon, and the potential tutor are fine looking men. She does not need Peter. Nope. Not at all. Unless she wants to lose every penny she makes and be embarrassed for the rest of her life.

Leon talks to Cynthia about her Peter issues. Leon says she’s walked away from a lot of relationships and he thinks it’s worth fighting for. What?! Why? This makes Cynthia want to reevaluate things. Thanks, Leon. She had a foot out the door.

Commercial break and important information. Andy will be doing a one-on-one interview with Vicki on Watch What Happens Live, Monday at 8:30 pm.

Porsha has signed up for a celebrity charity track meet. D list apparently.  I don’t recognize one other person and I watch a lot of crap. Oh, wait, is that Carrie Underwood? How did she get talked into something like this? It’s not even a real race; they’re doing sprints and acting like it’s a triathlon.

Friends are suggesting Porsha do a background check on Duke, but I don’t even think she googled him. Porsha says she wishes they’d just be supportive. Honey, that is being supportive. You don’t have a brain, so they’re looking out for you.

Kenya is having a Kenya Moore Experience event to promote her haircare brand. The event planner is the same one Cynthia used for her sunglasses launch. Kenya asks Marlo what up at Cynthia’s event with Sheree? and suggests they have a pay-the-rent party for her. I remember those.

Cynthia says it doesn’t feel good to come home to an empty bed. I have a suggestion, get rid of Peter and fill that space with someone else. He’s not even returning her calls. I have no clue what she sees in this Neanderthal.

Kim and her husband are going to Kenya’s event, and are excited about the prospect of going out sans children.  She has such beautiful hair and did that platinum highlight thing that I hate. Why? She seems to have a really great relationship with her husband and has done really well with her life, which is good to see when there are so many horror stories of too much too soon with young actors.

After giving explicit instructions about wanting the air conditioners blasting, it’s hot at the event. Porsha and her plus one friend are ragging on Kenya, but since Porsha only seems up to the task of letting a man take care of her, I don’t think she should be criticizing Kenya’s efforts. I’ve grown to like Kenya. At least she can form a sentence and do basic math.

Kim shows up and a lot of flashbulbs pop. Kim says she’s not impressed with a lot of people, but gives Kandi props. The heat plus Kandi’s pregnancy is not working though, and she has to leave. Kim says it’s not her and her husband’s ideal date, but beggars can’t be choosers. Sheree comes in.

Kenya makes her entrance. She has a man with her whose name I forgot already. Needless to say, she’s not thrilled with the temperature. Cynthia says Kenya twirled out faster than she twirled in. Ha-ha!

Miss Lawrence arrives! I’d forgotten he and Kenya are friends. Kenya  gets on the mic and apologizes about the heat. She thanks the people who worked on the event and tells everyone to have a good time. Eugene is the name of the guy she’s with.

Sheree says she doesn’t know if she can trust Kenya since she still wears color contacts in 2015. Okay… Shree throws more shade, and Kenya asks if she can speak to her on the side. Kenya thanks her for coming, but asks what’s up. Sheree says Kenya shouldn’t have talked about her unfinished house at Cynthia’s event. Kenya says she wasn’t making that big a deal about it, they talk contractors, and they make peace. We’ll see. Sheree is kind of a dim bulb.

Cynthis tells Peter he acted inappropriately at the party. He says he was ambushed by her friends about the video. She says if you give people something to work with, they’re going to work with it. Yep. He says he flashed back to their wedding when she came down the staircase, and all there’s been is work since they got married. Welcome to that thing we call “life.” Cynthia says there’s a disconnect between them. He seems to think it’s because they don’t spend enough time together and says it’s her fault. Cynthia says she freakin’ moved here from NYC for him for Pete’s sake, when he built that stupid bar and lost their money. He whines that it’s not his fault. She says she’s not saying that, but she’s unhappy and maybe she’s not in love with him anymore. He asks when she stopped and she doesn’t know. He says he never stopped being in love with her, but she says she doesn’t feel it and he doesn’t show it.

He says he’s been watching them drift apart, but he can’t stop doing what he’s doing (I have no idea what he means by that). He whines some more. Cynthia says they can give it one more go, but it’s not happy at present and is he up for that challenge? He says that when they’re as deep in love as they’ve been, there’s no back door. They’re definitely at odds as to divorce being an option. He says he’ll do whatever it takes. She says that she’s not going to say it’s going to be okay, just because he wants it to be. My hat’s off to her. She’s finally grown a pair.

Next week, the ladies go on a yacht day trip and there’s a lot of finger-in-your-face arguing.

The Walking Dead

Flashback to Glenn getting ripped apart. Wait. He’s not getting ripped apart. It’s Nicholas, the guy on top of him, and he scrunches underneath the dumpster. This is in a snow globe or it’s a dream, isn’t it?

Lots of zombies wandering around while Glenn looks to see how much water he has left. He emerges in the morning. The first thing I’d be doing is looking for a weapon. He looks for water instead. Hey. Stop making that crinkly noise with the bottle.

Enid yells to him from the top of the wall and tosses him some water. I’d totally forgotten about her. Glen climbs into the building and calls to Enid. He asks what happened in Alexandria. She says it’s what always happens, people die. He asks if the zombie horde broke in and what was the air horn sound. She tells him he should go. He asks if Maggie is okay.

Enid runs off and Glen follows. Okay, I guess they fooled us with his “death,” eh? Very clever. Ha-ha-ha. Now bring back that goat from the Morgan episode.

Rick sees Morgan and says he’d like to talk later. He checks out the blood that was dripping down the wall after the zombie attack. He sees Maggie at the lookout point, watching for Glenn. Rick says they’ve come back from harder things, and all of them will return. I wonder who kidnapped Rick and replaced him with this optimistic guy.

Glenn sees a zombie with his eyeball stuck to a fence and stabs him in the head. I’m sure there’s absolutely no reason for this scene except for us to see the stuck eyeball. He finds a note we assume was written by said zombie when they were alive.

Creepy Father Gabrielle is posting a notice for a prayer service. I don’t want him praying with me or for me. Rick is giving Ron gun lessons. Is anyone making bullets? That would be a lucrative profession right now. Rick gives Ron a gun so he gets used to the feel of it. It’s not going to be loaded until he learns more, but he seems a little eager to use it and I’m not liking that.

Morgan is about to talk to Denise, who has the idea Morgan is not as fine as he says he is. Rick comes by and asks Morgan to talk and they go to a mini meeting with Carol and Michonne. Carol has told Rick that Morgan refused to kill the Wolfs. Morgan says he doesn’t want to kill anyone he doesn’t have to and that Rick didn’t try to kill him way back when. He says he doesn’t know what’s right anymore, that he wanted to kill them because of what they do, but there is still the possibility that they might change, and that all life is precious. He doesn’t want to let that idea go. Michonne says he might have to. Morgan asks if they want him to go. Rick asks him if he really thinks he can stay and not end up with blood on his hands.

The zombie horde is banging on the walls of Alexandria. Rick tells Michonne they need to get to their cars and go back to diverting the zombies. He doesn’t want to tell anyone else because there isn’t time and that they haven’t even had time to catch their breaths. She says they’re doing that right now. She reminds me of one of the video exercise instructors I follow who thinks jumping jacks are a resting move. Dieanna comes out with plans for the new Alexandria.

Eugene is at zombie killing lessons and not paying attention. The instructor tells him it doesn’t matter if you die, but if the people around you die, it’s worse because you have to live with knowing you didn’t do all you could. Perhaps she’s speaking from experience.

Glenn grabs Enid before she can get out the door. He says he’s taking her home. Enid refuses. Glenn is insistent and she draws a gun on him.

Commercial break. An episode of Fear 462. The stewardess is about to use a defibrillator on a patient and this is amusing since it’s Dr. Obrechy from General Hospital. There are a few familiar faces on this series.

Glenn tells Enid to give him the gun. For a moment, I wonder if he survived the zombies only to die here, but he takes it from her. He tells her half the herd broke off and is headed for Alexiandria, so they need to get back.

Rick compulsively works on the walls while reciting “all work and no play make rick a dull boy.” Tobin comes along and starts helping.

Enid puts a struggling zombie out of its misery. She and Glenn see some green balloons tied to a post. It’s Glenn’s birthday! Enid takes the balloons.

Blood is still oozing through the wall at Alexandria. Tobin says Rick scared the hell out of him when he first came. He said things had moved slow in Alexandria and then started moving too fast, and not to give up on the people there.

Enid tells Glenn she lived with Olivia in Alexandria, but she was really on her own. Glenn says he realizes she’s scared. Enid says she isn’t and not to lecture her. Glenn tries to talk to her, but she doesn’t want it right now.

Stupid Ron gets into where they keep the firearms and steals some bullets. We already know nothing good will come of this.

Glenn and Enid, who still has the balloons (way to draw attention to yourself), get to Alexadria and see a million zombies outside. Enid says the world is trying to die and they should let it. Glenn says they’re not supposed to let that happen and he’s not going to let her die.

Holy!  A Spencer is crawling across a wire above the zombies. Whoa! He almost drops into them. And he does drop into them. Tobin and Eugene shoot at the zombies as rick tries to pull Spencer back up the wall. This is pretty intense. He makes it. Rick asks what the hell they were doing and Tara gives him the finger. Spencer says he wanted to get to a car and divert the zombies. Rick says come to him first if he gets any more bright ideas.

Denise asks Morgan if everything is okay and he says it’s fine. He sees her “cheat sheets” for medical instructions. He asks how well their stocked for antibiotics. He says he needs to dress a wound and he’s not sure if it’s infected. She starts giving him the symptoms and he covers the cheat sheet, but she still knows. He says he didn’t know if he should get her involved, but it’s not his wound.

Nosey Carol sees them going down the street and follows with baby Judith. Why they don’t realize she’s behind them is beyond me, since there’s absolutely no one else outside. Carol asks Sam to watch Judith. I’m kind of not liking Carol at this moment. Sam’s son asks Carol if his father turned into one of the monsters. Carol says he only thing that keeps you from becoming a monster is killing. I have no idea what she’s talking about.

Carol goes to where Morgan is (some kind of cell) and asks what he’s hiding. Ron comes up behind Carl with the gun. Rick and Tobin continue to work on the wall. But unlike Nehemiah, Rick is distracted by Tara walking by. They banter about the Spencer thing and Deanna joins in, thanking Rick for saving Spencer. Rick says he could have gotten out to get a car in the moment Spencer fell, but he chose not to.

Everyone sees the green balloons in the distance. Maggie runs to the gate. Worried faces all around and then we see the church tower fall and smash open the wall.

The mid season finale should be a doozie.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Uncensored

Not much to say about this other than it’s a chance for Bravo to milk the franchise some more. It’s still worth watching though. From the audition videos to the outing of Kim as an alcoholic to outtakes from the dinner party from hell. Sometimes you get the best stuff in these in-between shows.

The “real” Real Beverly Hills Wives begins Tuesday, December 1.

Nov16

November 15, 2015 — Once Upon the Dead in Atlanta

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

Once Upon A Time

I’m really thrilled that they decided to make this 2 hours tonight, since it totally screws up my TV watching schedule.

David asks Arthur why he tried to burn the crimson crown mushroom. He wants to know who Nimue is and when he asks, Arthur table flips like he was on Real Housewives and runs.  Hook goes after him and ends up getting tripped up, but before Arthur can run a sword through him, Dark Emma stops him with Excalibur. Hook tells her that she’s not entirely dark, and the part that saved him was the real Emma. He asks why she needs Excalibur. She says she’s doing it for him and disappears poof! in a cloud of dark smoke.

Outside Camelot (3 weeks earlier), Emma and Henry meet at the diner, and wonder where Merlin is. Everyone but Emma is freeze framed and Merlin appears. Arthur has Regina, Snow, Hook and David tied to trees. Arthur wants Excalibur and the flame to forge it back together, in exchange for her family’s lives. Merlin tells her not to seek vengeance or they’ll never be able to put everything back together.

Hook wants to know why Arthur destroyed Merlin’s message (i.e. the mushroom). David tells him to lay off, but Hook says they need it to save Emma from her dark self. Regina says there might not be a real Emma anymore. Hook wants to find out how all this happened in the first place.

Rumpel is busy staring at a snow globe. Belle and Hook come to the shop. Hook wants to know what’s going on in Emma’s head, since she says she’s doing it for him, but he’s not buying it. Rumpel says he told himself the same thing about doing things for his son, but he was kidding himself and that road goes nowhere.

Emma is staring at the spark. Rumpel says he wouldn’t try to ignite it, as it will cause more harm than good. Rumpel disappears and Henry shows up. Emma says she needs to use the darkness one last time and then she’ll use Excalibur to rid herself of it.

She goes to where her family is being held hostage, and she says she’ll give Arthur the dagger and the spark if he lets her family go. Arthur says he’ll unleash Merlin. Merlin says he doesn’t want to fight her, but Zelena says she will.

Parallel Zelena, still in the hospital, goes into labor. She says dark magic caused it.

Hook looks for Dark Emma, and decides to jump off a roof so she’ll save him. She does and he says he wants to know what happened in Camelot. She says it’s complicated and he tells her that every ring he wears has a sad story of someone he killed. She produces a ring he thought he lost and he says that’s the saddest story of all. He tells her he loves her and she asks if he really wants to know what happened. He does and she says she has something to show him. They go to the house they were going to move in to.

Dark Emma says the truth is tricky and you have to look for it. Hook looks through a telescope at the ocean. She says she knows it calms him and everything she’s done is to keep their future alive. She says if he knew what she was doing, he would stop her. She hugs him and he goes unconscious.

Parallel Zelena is about to deliver.

Zelena asks who she should destroy first, and Emma says she can have thespark. Crazy snakes jump out and hold Zelena back. Merlin tells Emma this is a battle she can’t win and they throw lightning bolts at each other. Arthur tells Merlin to kill Snow. A tree branch starts to strangle her, but Merlin fights the darkness, despite Arthur’s protests.

In the meantime, Hook has broken free, and Arthur runs like the big baby he is, telling Zelena to get them out of there. They both disappear poof! in a puff of green smoke.

Now Emma has the sword, the dagger and the spark. They all reconvene at the diner. Emma takes the spark outside to meditate on it. Regina asks her if she needs a light. Ha-ha! Emma says that Rumpel told her she’s not ready to get rid of the darkness. Regina says if she’s clinging to the darkness, there must be a good reason. She takes the dagger and commands her to say why she wants to hang on to the darkness. Emma says to protect her family, but Regina says there’s more to it than that. Hook comes out and takes the dagger away before she can get to the truth.

Zelena has a baby girl. Everyone moons over the new baby and Dark Emma shows up. They’re afraid she wants to take the baby, but she says that’s not the baby she’s after.

Hook wakes up in chains. He sees Zelena with him and she says Dark Emma sped up her pregnancy and separated her from her baby. Dark Emma appears and tells Hook that he would have stopped her. The darkness needs a vessel and she wants Zelena’s baby for that. He keeps asking her what really happened that she’s not saying.

Hook finds Emma staring at the spark. She says she knows why she doesn’t want to let go of the darkness. She says she can only admit her true feelings if she thinks she’s going to lose someone. She says the minute the darkness is gone, their future begins and she’s afraid of that. They kiss and the spark ignites. That’s not a euphemism. The spark really ignites.

Regina says she’s going to hunt down Dark Emma and show her what dark magic is really like. Sounds like a plan. Regina says the reason she has the dagger is that she’s the only one who can do what needs to be done.

Hook says his hook has magic left over and he releases Zelena. Poof! she changes her outfit into something more stylish. That’s definitely what I’d do first.

Dark Emma says she doesn’t need saving and that Regina will be better off without Zelena. Regina is like, knock it off, and Dark Emma freeze frames everyone.

Zelena and Hook go to the house. Zelena tells him good luck with the Emma thing and leaves. Hook rifles through some drawers and then takes a painting off the wall. Dark Emma enters and he zaps her into dropping the sword and freezes her feet. Zelena comes back and stabs Hook. WTF? She’s brought the dreamcatcher and wants to return the memories Dark Emma stole.

Back at the diner, Merlin says it’s time to destroy the darkness once and for all. Emma brings out the flame and they put Excalibur back together. Almost. Hook falls down bleeding. Emma says he’d had a small cut from Excalibur but it was just a scratch. Apparently not. Merlin says there’s nothing they can do, but Emma doesn’t believe it, and spirits Hook away to a field of flowers. He says she has to let him go. He says he doesn’t think he can fight the darkness another time. He expires and I’m annoyed because I really liked him.

All kinds of weird black thingies come out of Merlin and then out of the still broken Excalibur. They also come out of the sewer cap to the underworld and form a hooded figure. It’s Hook.

Emma says that the only way to destroy the darkness was to kill Zelena. Hook is pissed off and Zelena asks if he’s ready to be all dark. He says first they need to take care of Dark Emma, who I’m not sure is dark or not at this point.

Arthur pops back into Camelot and Zelena is waiting in a cool, sparkly witch’s outfit. He says there’s something that can help them in another land, DunBroch, which just happens to be where Merida is.

Merida is at her father’s grave and says she’s finally proved to the clans that she’s fit to be their queen, but the hard part comes in ruling over them. Her mother approaches and says she misses him too, but it’s time for the coronation.

Earlier in DunBroch, King Fergus is in a witch’s cabin. He says he needs some magic to lead the clans in victory over the invaders. As Rumpel has told us repeatedly, magic always comes with a price. The witch says she doesn’t need anything right now but she’ll take an IOU. And we know how that always turns out.

She does that whole eye of newt thing, her cauldron bubbles, and a helmet emerges. She says if he wears the helmet into battle, he’ll get exactly what he wants. That’s a little vague, which usually causes a problem later too.

At Merida’s coronation, before the crown can be put on her head, the witch shows up with the IOU. What did I just say? She says that the king died before he could pay her and she wants either lots of gold or the helmet back. Merida says she doesn’t have either and the witch says if she doesn’t find it by tomorrow, she’s turning everyone into bears. What’s up with that bear thing?

Merida says whoever killed her father has the helmet.

Earlier in DunBroch. Merida is on the battlefield with her father. King Fergus gives her his first bow to carry into battle. He’s also hired a soldier to teach her the art of war. She says she doesn’t need one and then proceeds to get trounced. The soldier removes “his” helmet & it’s Mulan. She says the one thing you need is honor.

Fast forwarding. Merida hunts down Mulan who has just knocked off a couple of good-for-nothings. Merida says she needs her help and gives her all the gold she has, as Mulan is all mercenary now.

Cool! Arthur and Zelena are at the witch’s cabin and a wolf comes after them. Zelena zaps the wolf. The witch says that was her pet and she doesn’t have the helmet. Zelena says no one out witches her and asks where the helmet is. The witch says Merida has it.

Merida and Mulan find an arrow that Merida recognizes and says the cloth on it will lead them to whoever killed her father. Mulan wants to get moving and Merida asks what happened to her to make her so cold. She says that a warrior never lets anything hurt them, which tells us she’s been hurt.

In old DunBroch, Mulan gives Merida lessons in fighting. One of the guys makes fun of her and Merida says she can kick his ass, but Mulan tells her fear is no way to rule.

Zelena and Arthur show up in the forest and Zelena says they need the helmet. He tells her the helmet forces people to listen to you and fight despite of fear. Zelena takes Merida’s bow from her (the one her father gave her) and says she can use a locator spell to find the helmet.

Merida says that her father used dark magic to lead and she doesn’t want to do that. She rides off, leaving Mulan to ponder her own changed self.

In past DunBroch, Merida asks King Fergus how he inspires men to lead him into battle. He tells her the only way is to show them that you’re willing to die first. Of course he neglects to tell her about the helmet.

Mulan takes the cloth from the arrow to the witch’s cabin. The wolf backs her out the door. Mulan says she’s not really a wolf and needs help remember who she is. A cauldron gets knocked over and the wolf turns into a woman. She introduces herself as Ruby, but her friends call her Red. Red explains that she knows of Mulan from her friends in other realms. Mulan asks how she ended up at the witch’s cabin.

In past Storybrooke, Snow has just given birth to Prince Neil and gives a big announcement at the diner. Red is outside the door and Snow asks what’s wrong. Red wants to go back to the enchanted forest. Snow says she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do.

Mulan asks if she found what she was looking for, but Red says she couldn’t find her people. She went to the witch for help and got turned into a wolf. Mulan says she was hoping the witch would help her hunt down who killed King Fergus. Red says she doesn’t need magic for that.

Mulan goes back to Merida and says Red can sniff out the culprit.

Back in old DunBroch, as Mulan is giving Merida lessons, Merida hears the invaders in the distance. She realizes the lessons were just a ruse to get her away from the fighting. King Fergus has his lucky helmet on and jazzes the soldiers up to fight. There’s a big battle with lots of sword fighting. Merida watches from a distance. A knight comes up behind her father and Merida draws her bow. She misses the knight and her father gets killed. The knight steals the helmet. Mulan keeps Merida from going down to the field. The knight turns out to be Arthur.

Zelena finds the helmet in a lake, but before Arthur can take it, Merida and Mulan show up. Merida wants to kill Arthur, but Mulan says it’s not about revenge; it’s about saving her people. Merida asks why Arthur didn’t have the helmet, and Arthur says the helmet he took wasn’t the magic one. Merida realizes that King Fergus threw the helmet into the lake before the battle and had led his people without magic.

Merida fights with Arthur. Mulan tells Zelena to stay out of it. Since she won’t, Red doses her with some sleeping powder. Arthur tells Merida if she reaches for the helmet, he’ll kill her like he did her father. The clan guys show up, and Zelena and Arthur (who seems to be best at running from his problems) disappear, poof! in a puff of green smoke. Merida asks if the clan dudes still want her to be queen. The head clan dude says they’ve seen her bravery and if she’s not fit to be the leader, no one is.

Merida is crowned queen and the witch shows up. The witch says if she doesn’t hand over the helmet, she’ll be leading a bunch of bears. She says she’ll destroy the helmet before handing it over. The witch says it was just a test. Her father had asked for magic to lead the clans, and she gave it to him. I think this is one of those “it was really inside you all the time” lessons.The witch gives her some magic to summon a dead spirit so she can again speak to her father.

Merida thanks Red and Mulan. Mulan gives her back the gold, and says she was just trying to get over a broken heart. She wanted to tell someone how she felt about them, and when she did, it was too late. Red says she ate the only boyfriend she ever had, but she still might be able to help. Merida says good-by to them.

Merida summons the spirit of her father. She apologizes for losing faith in him and he says he lost faith in himself and that’s why he sought magic. He says she was the one who changed his mind when she asked what it took to lead men into battle. They hug and I get teary eyed because it’s a sweet father/daughter moment and I miss my dad.

King Fergus disappears, and Merida says, “Arthur, you have no idea what’s coming to you.”

The next episode is 2 weeks from now. Good, because this episode was a rough one.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Cynthia questions why Peter couldn’t be bothered to support her when she made her entrance to her sunglasses event. True to form, he walks away since he was called on his BS.

Tootie is here! Kenya comes to her studio. She also directs now and Kenya gives her props on her career moves. She tells Kim about her Life Twirls On pilot and asks her to take a look at it and maybe come on as a director. Kim is a little hesitant. Kenya asks why she never sees Kim out and about. She says she’s more focused on family. Kenya gives Kim the DVD of her pilot.

Cynthia confers via SKYPE with her business partner, Tiffany. They decide to do a launch party in Miami. Peter left for Charlotte (where his side honey is) before Cynthia got home. She tells Tiffany about the issues she’s having with Peter. She says it’s exhausting pretending everything is okay in public. She says she consumes herself with work and when she thinks about the personal stuff, it’s overwhelming. Tiffany tells her she has to deal with it.

Porsha (who spells her name wrong, so I’ve been spelling it wrong) thinks she’s going to build a brand that rivals several Jessicas (Simpson, Biel, Alba, all of them). She wants to throw a “sip and see” for her new boyfriend. What?  Is she dating an infant?

Phaedra goes to a tea shop and meets Cynthia there. While they’d had an altercation last season, Phaedra says she’s going to let bygones be bygones because that’s what I good Christian woman does. I’m eating dinner late and I choke on my spaghetti. Phaedra asks what’s up with Peter and Cynthia gets cagey. Phaedra says everyone attacked her when she was down about Apollo. Not down with, about. Cynthia says she’s sorry for her part in anything. In her individual interview, Phaedra says she’s committed to supporting Cynthia, but she’s not going to forget the things she said.

Sheree is showing Kandi her clothing operation. Sheree asks what’s up with Kenya. Kandi says Kenya took some getting used to, but she’s okay with Kenya now. They move on to talking about Cynthia and Peter and the sunglasses event.

Kim says she loves being a wife and mother, and queen of her castle. She says red carpet stuff was never a big deal to her and she didn’t even show up if she wasn’t in the film. She’s also launching a maternity line. She’s setting up an intro to her website. After a few thousand takes, she hears the kids upstairs and has to take a break, and then gets it down.

Todd and Kandi get together with Kandi’s employees and a plate of bacon to discuss future plans. Kandi talks about opening a restaurant. The closing of the building is close to her due date, so she says she’ll have to depend on Todd to deal with a lot of it. Then they discuss the baby shower, because rich people who can afford baby stuff always have one for every kid. Todd wants to know if Phaedra is coming because she owes him money for working on the video that never happened.

Thank God Porsha abandons the idea of a sip and see, and is having a going away party for her football playing boyfriend, doubling as an introduction party. Her sister Lauren is pregnant, and when she says she’s 13 weeks, Porsha needs to be told how many months that is because she never passed third grade.

Apparently Porsha hasn’t known this guy too long and is already married to him in her head. Everyone gathers for the party. Kandi says she and Phaedra need to deal with their issues, but in the meantime, they’re being cordial. Entrée Duke, the new boyfriend. Everything is football themed, including Porsha. If Duke Williams and 27 mean something to you, then you know who this guy is. Cynthia says Porsha should follow her heart, but take your brain with her. I guess she assumes Porsha has a brain, but so far there hasn’t been much evidence.

Oooh, there has been tabloid fodder about Duke hooking up with a transvestite prostitute. These two seem to be planning to move in together, which sounds like a terrible idea. Porsha takes a mic and starts blabbing about how great they are together and that she’s making him her trophy man and hands him an award. (“Dude looks scared,” Kandi says when Porsha starts talking. Ha-ha!)

Phaedra gets together with Kandi at her office lounge.  Kandi says they have to talk to get their friendship back to the way it was. She says that Phaedra acted all nice to her face, but it was a different story behind her back. We flash to Phaedra talking about Kandi to Nene. Phaedra says she heard from a third party that Todd and Kandi were hanging on to Apollo’s motorcycle, and the government was coming after her to seize his assets. This sounds like an excuse. Phaedra also didn’t like that Kandi said Apollo should see his kids. She says he’s in Kentucky, and it’s an expensive hassle. Kandi brings up Phaedra still owing Todd 8 grand for the video. What this sounds like is the both of them have been talking to other people when they should have been talking to one another, the balance weighing more heavily on Phaedra. Phaedra says she couldn’t help the way she felt, and Kandi says just talk to her next time. Phaedra promises to talk to Todd as well. Hugs happen.

Kandi’s assistant asks if World War IV is over. He’s not buying Phaedra’s sincerity. Me neither really.

The Walking Dead

I came in late. Daryl has been captured by a band of not so merry men. Actually a guy and two girls. They go to a fenced in area where zombies are wandering around what look like gas tanks. Daryl gets away, taking a duffel bag, and runs into the woods. He gets free of his bonds, radios Abe and Sasha, and narrowly misses getting eaten by a zombie while trying to get his crossbow out of the duffle bag.

Either the car broke down or they’re taking a break. Sasha and Abe enter a building. Abe sees a garment bag with a dress uniform in it.  Sasha is sitting in the reception area of an office, where a zombie is scratching at the locked glass doors. Why they don’t put this poor thing out of its misery, I don’t know. The last place I’d want to be a zombie is in an office. I already put in my time being a zombie there. Abe wants to name him. Sasha gives Abe a speech about being accountable for choices. It sounds like she’s telling him he hasn’t made some good ones.

Daryl doubles back with his crossbow and takes the gun from the guy who was holding him hostage. He also takes a carving the guy had in his pocket. I have no idea why. He throws the duffel bag at them, which I guess has supplies. Daryl hides behind a tree and a huge truck comes in. They demand whatever supplies the people have. They say they earned them and the truck guy says rules are rules. One of the women says the rules are crap. After the truck guys take the duffel bag, Daryl gathers up the people and they hide.

One of the truck guys comes looking for them and gets a bite to the arm from a zombie for his trouble. He kills the zombie and truck guy #2 comes along and chops off his arm. Very efficient. The truck guys leave and the guy who kidnapped Daryl asks why Daryl came back after what they did to him.

While Abe is wandering around, he sees a zombie stuck on a pole off of a bridge, flailing around. Abe opens a nearby car trunk to find weapons and cigars. Wonder what the Bureau of Tobacco and Firearms would think about that. For whatever idiotic reason, he taunts the zombie up close. It’s a military guy and I think Abe has issues with this. He lights up a cigar and watches as the zombie’s movements finally cause him to fall, leaving the RPG strapped to him behind.

Abe returns to Sasha. He says they have everything they need there. He says he likes the way she calls him on his BS and wants to get to know her better. She says he has some stuff to take care of and he agrees. Yeah, maybe they want to take care of that zombie that’s staring at them from behind the glass.

Daryl and company come across a burned down house. For whatever reason (there are a lot of unanswered questions in this one), one of the girls says it’s their fault this happened. She enters what’s left of the house and is about to put flowers the two dead bodies. Already you know what’s going to happen here. She gets bitten and the next thing you know, a grave is being dug. Daryl asks the guy Rick’s usual  questions – how many walkers have you killed and how many people have you killed? The guy says none because then there’s no going back. Daryl then invites them back to Alexandria. He wants to find his bike and then get Sasha and Abe to bring them back. Oh, man. Dude pulls a gun on him again and asks for the crossbow. No good deed goes unpunished. The couple steal his bike and throw him a knife. The woman says “Sorry,” and Daryl says, “Gonna be.” Well, if anyone can make it in the zombie infested wilderness, it’s Daryl.

Daryl almost immediately finds a fuel truck. What did I say? He picks up Sasha and Abe, who is now wearing a dress military blazer. Daryl tries to radio Rick. We hear the word “help” come through.

Nov14

November, Friday the 13th, 2015 — GH & a Z Storm

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Paul wants to know why Anna is still sticking her nose into the Carrrlos case, when they both know what really happened. She says she thinks Ava is involved with something somewhere, and still wants to hunt down Sonny’s shooter.

Since everyone waited too long to let her know, Spencer finally tells Emma that “Jake” is Jason, and that he is still Sam’s husband.

Nicholas tells Laura what happened at the wedding. She says she’s sorry about what happened, but not sorry the truth came out. She asks if Elizabeth confessed to her part, and Elizabeth walks in saying, no and neither did Nicholas. Laura is like, for shame, and says they must have been acting their hearts out. Hayden walks in and asks where her Academy Award is.

Jason wants to leave, but Sam tells him she still feels their connection and wants to know if he does too.

Hi, Robin! Patrick calls Robin to fill her in on what happened. He tells her Jason is alive. She’s at the lab and she tells Patrick there’s a lot he doesn’t know. Oh please, what now?

Anna says Sonny’s shooter is still out there, and they should be concerned with that. Paul says he considers it saving resources. Anna asks if they’re only giving justice to people they think should have it and that if Sonny is a target, anyone around him might get hurt. Paul gets blunt and tells her to drop the case.

Emma says her dad said they would talk about things later. Spencer tells her that adults think kids don’t understand things, but his father couldn’t run his life without him. He might be right about that.

Hayden admits to having remembered everything, and says she just wanted to watch Elizabeth squirm. Ha-ha! Good job! Elizabeth is about to clock her one, but Laura holds her back. Elizabeth asks her what she wants, and Hayden says she and Nicholas have worked it out and she’s happy with how things are. She says everything is going to work itself out now that Jason knows who he is. She says that he turned to Sam for help, and inside he still loves her. Elizabeth tells her to shut up.

Jason says he’s sorry, but he just can’t remember. Sam tells him he’d said he’d never stop loving her. Jason says he didn’t feel anything when they were at the Lucky Buddha and if it was going to happen, it should have happened then.

Robin is about to tell Patrick something important, when a dude comes up behind her and takes the phone. Patrick thinks they just got cut off, but dude tells Robin no way is she going to tell him anything. Patrick tries calling her back, but dude won’t give her the phone back. She says her family will get suspicious and tells him if he’s not going to answer, to press some message button. While his back is turned, she hits him over the head with a flask.

Emma is pretty upset because she wants Sam and Danny to stay with them. Spencer says that since Jason doesn’t remember, everything might still work out.

Elizabeth goes blah-blah-blah Jason loves me, in that whiney voice of hers. Hayden says Jason seems to have a way with the ladies, but she thinks whoever gets Carly’s vote will probably be the winner. Elizabeth says it’s not a competition, but Hayden says she thinks it is and I agree. Actually, I think they should have a talent/swimsuit challenge or maybe bring in Jeff Probst to set something up.

Jason says he doesn’t think the memories are going to come back.  Sam reminds him of how Helena sent him to kill her and he couldn’t do it. Then I get a memory of, yeah, that’s right, he did remember something when that happened.

Anna leaves and Tracy enters. Tracy tells Paul that she thinks Anna hasn’t recovered from Duke’s death yet, and wonders why Paul hired her. She tells him Anna is more trouble than she’s worth.

Patrick asks Anna (Paul’s office must be in the hospital because she’s there already) if she has another number for Robin, but she doesn’t. Anna says Robin seems happy, but doesn’t call all that often. Patrick says when she calls, she seems to want to get off the phone quickly. Robin manages to call Patrick back and says she doesn’t have much time, but he needs to know the truth about Jason. I can’t imagine what wrench she’s going to throw in. That’s Robin in a nutshell now. She shows up once in a while and stirs things up.

Lots of cute banter between my favorite TV kids, Spencer and Emma. Spencer says that he knows Hayden and Nicholas are in love, but there’s something between them he’s not grasping.

Laura says that one day Jason will find out the truth about her part in everything, and he’ll hate her if she doesn’t tell him now. Good.

Jason says he gets broken segments of images. Sam shows him the wedding ring and admits they had problems, but they’d found their way back to one another. She said when he left, he was on a mission to help someone else, and she was devastated when he disappeared. Is she going to kiss him? Whoa! He remembers kissing her, and they mutually kiss. YES! I hate Elizabeth with a passion, and desperately want this to work out. Sorry, Patrick.

Tracy asks Paul if he wants to have lunch, but Paul says he can’t right this minute. Paul says he’s smart enough to know she doesn’t just want lunch. Tracy says that she wants to escape Monica’s exuberance over Jason’s return. She thinks eventually Jason is going to hook back up with Sonny and cause problems. Paul says, bring it on, because he’s a fan of cheerleading movies.

Robin almost gets out what she wants to say, but Dude #2 comes busting in with a picture of her and Emma. Using Emma’s picture as a threat seems to be a trend. She makes up some BS to tell Patrick and says she has to go.

Spencer says grownups are complicated, but mean well. Emma says her mother came back and didn’t stay. She says Sam made everything better, but now she’s going to leave too. Spencer brings up trying to give a ring from his father’s safe to Emma, and wonders why Nicholas got so mad since it was actually Sam’s ring. Is this kid going to end up outing his father?

Jason says he can remember a few moments, but everything around it is a blank. He says what they’re doing is wrong because they love other people now. Oh, come on! He says he’s no good to himself or anyone else until he finds out what happened to him. She asks him to let her help.

Hayden says if she was going to say anything, she’d have done it by now. She leaves them to “talk amongst themselves.”

Jason says he has to do it on his own. Sam asks where he’s going to start, and he says with Nicholas. He tells Sam he wants the best for her and wants her to be happy.

Patrick gripes that Robin blew him off. Anna says she wonders why Robin distances herself and thinks it has something to do with PTSD. Are these two brainless? Wouldn’t their first thought be that it has something to do with her working for the Cassadines? Helena isn’t even pretend dead.

Dude #2 says he’s going to punish Robin for her insubordination and shows her a laptop where a hidden camera is on Spencer and Emma. Spencer gets a phone call (that even sounds stupid, a child getting a phone call while in the park) and tells Emma that her grandmother will pick her up soon, but he has an appointment or something. He’s probably the CEO of LEGO. Dude #2 points out that Emma is all alone. Like, really? Can’t these people come up with a new threat?

Commercial break. If aliens looked in on us, they’d think none of us can go to the bathroom properly.

Anna is at Paul’s office again. She says she’ll back off trying to find Sonny’s shooter. She says he’s made his expectations clear and they both know where they stand with each other. Whatever that means.

Hayden sees Tracy on a bench, and pretends Tracy lost something. Apparently, this is a clandestine meeting. Tracy says something about them being in business together.

Nicholas tells Laura and Elizabeth that Hayden won’t say anything because she’s having too much fun. Laura says considering what Nicholas has become, maybe they’re a good match, and she leaves. Nicholas reassures Elizabeth that Jason won’t find out anything. Oops! Jason just showed up.

Sam is mooning over her moment with Jason, when Patrick comes home. He catches her looking at the wedding band and she says Jason came to see her.

Robin tells Dude #2 she gets it, but he says she has to have consequences. On the laptop screen, some lady tells Emma she lost her dog and asks Emma to help her look. Isn’t this like one of the oldest tricks in the book to steal a kid? Has no one ever cautioned this child?

And we’re out.

Z Nation

Roberta and Vasquez are giving mercy to a whole load of zombies. And then get romantic. This must be a dream. Yep, Roberta’s dream. I knew it when Vasquez turned into a zombie In the middle of a clinch.

OBM is headed toward the Grand Canyon. There’s a cloud in the distance that looks like a dust storm. Doc says he hopes it’s not what he thinks it is. Addy continues to try getting Citizen Z on the radio. Citizen Z has his own set of problems, as zombies have invaded the North Pole complex.

Addy finally gets through. Citizen Z asks how “the package” is and Murphy interjects that he hates being called that. It’s either Murphy or The Murphy, thanks to him. Citizen Z says his place is kind of a mess due to zombie issues. They ask him how going west looks and he tells them that it’s no good; they’re headed right for a z-storm, miles wide and long.

The truck breaks down, and Addy, Murphy, Vasquez and Roberta leave on two ATVs. They’re soon stopped by a guy who says it’s tribal land and they have to leave. Roberta addresses him in Native American and explains the situation.

Doc and 10K are scaling a mountain, as there wasn’t enough room for all of them on the ATVs. They see some movement in the trees at the top, but it’s not zombies. Suddenly, Doc is hit in the head by some makeshift nunchucks and as 10K is checking him, he gets hit with some kind of stick. A guy in a hoodie stands over them on a horse.

Murphy and company are invited into a casino by Danny Firecloud (“what kind of an Indian name is Danny?” asks Murphy). Danny and Murphy banter a little. Doc and 10K don’t have the same luck and have been captured by a group whose leader says they have “white man’s disease.” And not in a good way.

The leader, Red Hawk, tells them they’re trespassing on sacred ground. 10K tries to tell him about the zombie horde coming their way. Red Hawk claims that the zombies aren’t interested in his people, only the white man, all the time beating the crap out of them. Finally, a girl steps in who is obviously his sister, she tells him to knock off the tribal schtick, and takes them to the infirmary. The sister, Ayalla, tells 10K that her brother thinks they can just wait things out. Ooh, their dad is Danny.

One of the casino guys sets up a radio for Addy. He says they were big Citizen Z fans there. They hear morse code coming through, saying “CZ”, which I guess is all Citizen Z has to work with. The guy translates and gives Addy the coordinates.

The medicine woman tells Doc she’s a pain management specialist and takes Doc to smoke some peyote. Doc and the medicine woman (she says she’s a real medicine woman the same way he’s a real doctor) look at some hieroglyphics that Doc says are speaking to him. They talk about cosmic things.

Holy! What if Citizen Z runs out of bullets? Pup is fine, but I’m scared for both of them. Citizen Z makes a safe place for Pup and leaves to fight what’s left of the zombies.

Danny doesn’t want to leave, and Murphy says trying to reinforce the place is like plugging a hole in the Titanic with toilet paper.

As soon as 10K and Doc are patched up, Red Hawk says he’s letting them go. When start to leave, they end up in net traps, suspended above the road. He’s leaving them to be eaten by the zombies and says if they’re right it won’t matter anyway since they’re all dead. Doc is still super high and doesn’t mind, but 10K wants to get out before he passes out.

Oh Lord, here comes a zombie. With a cleaver in his back. Maybe 10K can grab it and kill this thing. Sorry. Give mercy to it. Doc hallucinates killing it while wearing war paint. Somehow, Doc really did kill the zombie. He tells 10K it was astral projection, but the peyote is wearing off.

Just as a female zombie is about to grab Doc, she gets an arrow through the head. It’s Ayalla on horseback. Doc asks if she’s a guardian angel and she says she just hates seeing innocent people mistreated. She needs a favor though. She says her father is just as stubborn as her brother, but maybe he’ll listen to them.

Citizen Z is having a hard time with the last (I hope) zombie. He calls Addy & needs instruction on some sophisticated weapon. Roberta talks him through it. The battery is cold though and it won’t fire. She says to put it someplace warm, and he shoves it in his pants, but the zombie is here. Citizen Z has to jet and almost loses the gun. I’m going to have a heart attack. OMG, he dropped it and he’s down. He’s up again. He’s fishing for the battery in his pants. He loads the gun. Please work.

It does. Blowing a hole right through the zombie and incinerating him. OBM applauds on their end.

Danny says he can feel the horde coming, but he still doesn’t want to leave. Citizen Z has his cameras up and tells them it’s there and to take cover.

OBM gets on the ATVs. Danny is still refusing to leave. He says his place is there and that his wife’s spirit is there. He sends his daughter in his place, leading the ones who want to go. I think Danny is making a bad decision here.

The caravan leaves.

Citizen Z is watching the screen and doesn’t think OBM is going to make it out.

Danny is goofing around with a pinball machine called Zombie Outbreak and hits the jackpot, the irony not lost on him. He hears them coming and grabs his gun. (haha! I mistyped it “guy”) OBM sees the casino collapse from a distance. I guess that’s how strong this horde is – they can knock a building down just coming through.

Ayalla tells her brother the casino is gone and their father wouldn’t leave. He was stubborn just like him. She says he can’t be stubborn anymore and he agrees. He tells OBM they are welcome there, and they should be safe because the one narrow passage is blocked and zombies can’t climb.

But they can crawl and here comes one and they have to get out of there. Too late. Roberta says they have to divert them. Doc looks at the hieroglyphics and asks if they think zombies are as dumb as buffalo. I don’t know what this means, but it sounds like a plan.

They beat some tribal drums and build a wall of fire. There is some really cool background music that’s going with the drums. I’m sure without it, this scene wouldn’t be nearly as good. The zombies are coming by the thousands. For whatever stupid reason, Murphy suddenly wants to save them because they can feel. Forget it Murphy. They’ll eat your friends.

The wall of fire makes the zombies turn. Oh man, this is awesome! Zombies falling everywhere off the cliff into the canyon. Geez (although that’s not really what I want to say). There is always one scene in every episode that makes my mouth hang open and this is it. OBM watches from higher ground, but Murphy is bummed.

Back at the ranch camp, the brother puts more hieroglyphics up so that everyone will know about OBM and their bravery in generations to come. Medicine Woman gives Doc a pendant and also some peyote for the road. Both sides of the tribe are now united, and it’s time for OBM to get moving.

Murphy is still bummed, and tells Roberta they didn’t have to kill the zombies. Roberta says it’s down to us or them. She tells Murphy that one day he’s going to have to decide what he is, human or zombie, and to remember which one tried to save him and which one tried to eat his brains.

Murphy ponders this as they travel down the highway.

Next week, Anthony Michael Hall guest stars, and it looks like they’ll be in a corporate environment. One of the things I like about this show is that they never stay in one place, so you see how various people and cultures are handling the apocalypse. It’s kind of like The Warriors.

Nov9

November 8, 2015 – Once Upon the Dead in Atlanta

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

Dark Emma brings the dagger to the rest of Excalibur. Rumpelstiltskin pops out, acting all merry, and puts some fairy dust or whatever on the sword.

Merlin is running through a desert with some guy and they see a chalice with water in it. The guy is like, I’ll go first because I’m thirstier than you, but when he touches it, he disappears, poof! in a cloud of smoke. Merlin is more humble in his approach and is able to quench his thirst. Everything around him turns green and he knows the chalice is the magical Holy Grail.

In Storybrooke, everyone is hanging out at the diner in Medieval wear. Merlin asks them to get the sword. He says blah-blah-blah about love and suddenly we’re back 200 years ago. A girl is there to see him. Her name is Nimue, and she’s seeking revenge on an evil being who ransacked her town. She’d seen him coming and she ran. She’s brought some seeds and says her best revenge would be to plant some flowers that grow only in her town, and for the flowers to live on. This is the stupidest revenge plot I’ve ever heard of. She plants the seeds in a container, Merlin goes bibbidy-bobbidy-boo and the flowers spring up.

Nowadays Merlin tells Emma they need some kind of spark and he wants her to help him get it. This isn’t a euphemism for anything. They really need to hunt down a literal spark. He says he sees two paths for their journey, in one she resists darkness and they’re successful; in the other, she succumbs to darkness and he dies.

There’s some mushy stuff between Emma and Hook, but I miss most of it because I was out of the room. I guess Nimue stuck around because Merlin is telling her all about how he found the Holy Grail. Any mention of holy and grail in the same sentence always makes me think of Monty Python, and ever since the Camelotites landed, I’ve been waiting for the Knights Who Say Ni to show up. Merlin wants to refashion the grail into a sword. Nimue is impressed that he doesn’t want to use the grail for his own gain, so Merlin makes a ring out of a leaf for her. Okay, all this magic and a Holy Grail and everything, and he gives her a ring made out of a leaf? Cheapskate.

Back in the diner, Zelena offers a trade. She knows how to get to the sword if she can have her magic back. She leads them to a crypt. Or it could be a fancy root cellar. Regina says if they get in and out with the sword, they’ll talk about the magic thing.

Arthur is stirring a cauldron and acting like a paranoid weirdo. He pours something from the cauldron over a helmet and it dissolves. He tells his lackeys to go pour it over everyone. Nice. If I were Gwinivere, I’d be looking for the nearest exit.

Merlin asks Emma if she’s embraced her powers and she says she’s done some dark things lately. But she figures if she’s questioning it, she must still have a conscience.

Merlin and Nimue go back to where her village was. He thinks she has survivor’s remorse, but she says she’s just angry. She says if she had his magic, she’d be all over the place doling out vigilante justice. Whoa. What happened to planting the flowers being enough? Merlin sees someone bad headed for his village and Nimue tells him to just hit the bad dude with a lightning bolt. He says he can’t because darkness might overtake him. What’s the point in having magic if you can’t zap people once in a while? For the greater good of course.

Zelena ugly cries about her sister being the favorite and how she’s worried about her baby. Enough to cause Snow concern, but once she gets close, Zelena kicks her across the lawn and escapes.

Merlin takes the grail to a fireplace in the middle of the woods. The fire consumes the grail, Merlin goes hocus pocus and it turns into Excalibur. Some creepy dude comes up behind them and wants the sword. Creepy Dude grabs Nimue and stabs her. She dies in Merlin’s arms.

Merlin tells Emma that Creepy Dude stole the flame that consumed the grail. She’s supposed to take the dagger and ask to communicate with the first dark one. The ancient dark one pops in and it’s not a dude, it’s a dudette. It’s Nimue! Back in the day while Creepy Dude is yapping at Merlin, Nimue (not really dead) steals his heart. (That phrase is always meant literally when used in regard to this show.) Oooh, she crushes it to dust. All righty then. She turns into the first dark one and breaks the sword.

Nimue is like, cool, the first and most recent dark ones, together on stage for the first time. Nimue zaps Merlin. She says any threat must be destroyed and that includes him. She tells Emma she has to kill Merlin. Emma is like no way, and uses the dagger to get the better of Nimue, who says she’ll always be inside Emma & disappears, poof! No smoke though. Merlin explains to Emma that he was able to put the sword in the stone and Nimue’s soul in the dagger.

Regina and the gang head to the round table, where Arthur is messing around with the sword. Regina puts him in freeze frame and says to get the sword. David is worried about a protection spell, but Regina says Arthur has no magic. Cue Zelena, who has Snow captive. Arthur uses the sword to summon Merlin. Merlin and Arthur have a pissing contest with words. Merlin tells Arthur the future is in his hands and to hand over the sword so they can use it for good. Arthur is like nuh-uh, and makes everyone else leave.

Nimue has hooked up with Rumpel, and they encourage Dark Emma to put the sword back together. There is a crowd of minions chanting. Not those little yellow guys, but creepy hooded figures. Dark Emma gets the sword back together using magic chewing gum., but she hears Merlin’s voice telling her not to do it back when she was a little girl. The minions tell her to take the power. She looks the sword over.

Oh good, next week Merida’s back. I’ve never seen Brave, but I kind of missed her.

The Walking Dead

Deanna climbs to a rooftop and watches the Alexandria clean up. She seems pretty freaked out, probably because she really didn’t know the first thing about being a post-apocalyptic leader. She sees Rick running toward the gate with loads and loads of zombies behind him. How she gets to street level as fast as she does, I will never know. Is this a daydream?

Nope. Rick is inside and already giving a lecture. He always has to scold everyone before he gives instructions. He says the others on the quarry mission know what they’re doing and the Alexandrians have to do their part and keep real freaking quiet so the zombies go away. Aaron goes on all about how Rick is a loser, then admits that he – Aaron, not Rick — is the jerk who led the Wolfs to Alexandria. I have no idea what he’s trying to say here. They’re all screw ups?

Jessie is digging graves when Rick tells her they don’t bury killers inside the walls. So they’ll just leave the bodies sit and stink until the zombies finally go away? Not a plan.

A small crowd is gathered by the food supply area. They don’t want to ration because they figure they’re dead anyway. They want to whoop it up on those canned peaches and green beans. Spencer gives them a what-do-you-think-you’re-doing? talk, and makes it okay again.

A few of the Alexandrians are making a memorial wall. Aaron sees Glenn’s name on it, and sees Maggie off and running. She’s gearing up for a rescue mission and Aaron says he’s going to help.

Deanna is pondering her wedding ring. She starts making a plan for a garden and some expansion, but maybe there’s more to it than that. Upstairs, she hears Spencer break a glass. He’s been hitting a bottle of liquor he swiped from the pantry, saying that he deserves it after stopping a run on the food. He blames Deanna for the position they’re in, saying she didn’t know what she was doing and made them into wimps.

Carl asks Ron if he’s seen Enid. He wants Ron’s help to climb over the wall and go find her. Ron says that he told her not to go out there, and he’s not going to let Carl go. I have to agree that now is probably not the best time with 10,000 zombies out there. Carl punches Ron out, but Ron says nyah-nyah, he’s going to tell.

Jessie goes to the door of a house and a zombie scares the ever-lovin’ hell out of all of us. She opens the door and stabs it in the eye. She tells the small group who has gathered, that this is the way it goes now and if they don’t fight, they die. The new normal.

Aaron shows Maggie a way to go under the wall. They go through a sewer tunnel and a couple of sewage zombies come out of nowhere. One almost eats Maggie and Aaron dispatches them. Maggie tells him he should go back because a cut on his head needs stitches, but he’s all like, it’s nothing, pay no attention to that blood dripping down my face.

Shrink turned medical doctor, Denise, is trying to help a bite victim. She has a eureka-I-found-it moment.

Rick can’t get ahold of any of the others who were on the quarry mission. Ron tells Rick about stopping Carl from leaving. Rick wants to check on Carl, and Ron says he’ll watch for the others while Rick is gone. He also wants to learn to shoot and RIck hands him a gun and says, practice now.

Tara asks how the bitten guy is and Denise responds by giving her a big kiss on the mouth, singing It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine), and saying it sucks. I have no clue what the kiss was all about, if anything, I have even less of a clue about what happened in the infirmary.

Maggie and Aaron get to the end of the pipe where there’s a gate. There are zombies outside, and Aaron wants to chance it, but Maggie makes a stink, drawing the zombies’ attention. She says it’s over and that if she’d gone with Glenn, she might have been able to save him; but if he was alive, she thinks he would have let her know by now. Really? How? I believe he’s dead, but for argument’s sake, if he wasn’t, how is he supposed to call?

Amy’s son, Sam, won’t come downstairs for cookies, so something is definitely wrong. He says that the world didn’t change upstairs. That’s a very poignant point.

Deanna is on her way somewhere with tray of glass bottles, gets a zombie surprise and drops the tray. Picking up a broken bottle, she attacks the zombie like a contestant on Bad Girls Club. Rick comes along and tells her she can stop now and she says she wants to live and learn how to cut a zombie bitch.

Maggie takes Glenn’s name off the wall. Aaron tells her that Aaron can be a girl’s name too, depending on how it’s spelled. Apparently, Maggie is pregnant, but I blinked and missed that part. Spencer gets props for something brave he did and contemplates his new bad assness. Rick says something to Jessie about not wanting to bury the bodies because the others are still out there somewhere and I don’t get the connection. He and Jessie get romantic and I gag.

Deanna is getting awfully close to the fence and taunting the zombies. Bad zombies!

We end with seeing blood dripping down on the inside of one of the walls.

Do the actors on this show go home all depressed or do they just head straight for the bar?

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kandi is pregnant. Excitement abounds for the Burusses!

Portia comes by to visit Phaedra, and they’re both wearing outfits from the late 70s. Phaedra says they’re bestest friends now because Portia has been “a rock” for her. More like Portia has rocks in her head and we’ll see how long this lasts. Phaedra says she and Apollo are “cordial,” which I assume means she’s going to divorce him any minute now. Portia is dating a 24-year-old, which is about 10 years older than her age mentally, but there are laws to consider.

Cynthia says since the new opening of whatever venture Peter is getting into now, they only spend 3 days a week together. That’s 3 days a week more than I’d want to spend with him. Some kind of inappropriate something from Peter comes through on Phaedra’s phone.

It’s a video of Peter copping a feel that’s making the rounds. Cynthia tells Peter he’s embarrassing her and he doesn’t care. Did she really think he would? He’s saying it’s not what it looks like (ugh! thanks for being cliché) and tries to end the conversation, but Cynthia isn’t having it. She tells him he needs to think about what he’s done and puts him in time out with a bottle of wine.

Portia’s new squeeze, Duke, has flown in from Buffalo where he plays football. Portia says he’s really into her and wants to get to know her. If she wants to keep him, she probably shouldn’t let that happen. She feeds him chocolate covered strawberries and it’s one of the least romantic things I’ve ever seen. She wants him to meet her parents. Let’s just review, shall we? This is the same woman whose grandfather was a big name in the Civil Rights Movement, but thought the Underground Railroad was a real train. Unless you want to spend endless time pampering a pseudo princess who has no IQ whatsoever, Portia is not for you.

Commercial break. Brooks Ayers interview by Andy. Thursday at 9. Be there or be square. Unless, unlike me, you have a life.

Kenya is showing Cynthia her new home in Atlanta. Sheree Whitfield (is she still using that last name?) is one of her neighbors and back on the show. They drive past her house, which looks like an amazing little castle, but not quite finished. Kenya’s house looks like some kind of dilapidated fortress. She got it at foreclosure and it needs a lot of work. The property is gorgeous though. The Million Dollar Listing guys would definitely call this a tear down. What happened to Gone with the Wind fabulous?

Phaedra says Apollo has a lot of time to get on her nerves – even from prison. Ha-ha! I’ll bet. Kandi and Todd have been storing his stuff. Todd says that Apollo claims to have not seen the kids since he went into the slammer, which isn’t how Phaedra has been presenting things. My guess is that Phaedra makes it up as she goes along. Something is so off about her. She was supposed to release a workout DVD that Todd produced, and so far, no DVD and no paycheck either. Todd wants Kandi to discuss it with her and neither Kandi nor I think that’s appropriate.

Phaedra’s mother kisses her angel daughter’s behind and says everything’s good because it’s peaceful without jerkface Apollo. Mom is pushing her to get a divorce. I don’t know why she hasn’t gotten one already. She checked out of that marriage the second she knew he was going to prison.

Cynthia has a new eyewear line going on, and Portia is hoping to score free shades. She says she likes when a woman has a business to focus on because then she’s not in your business. That’s actually pretty clever, so I figure she read it on a cereal box. Phaedra calls the group “the shady bunch.” I’d never accuse her of not being witty or lacking intelligence, but I’d never, ever trust her with anything.

That weird Marlo chick is there and hoping to score a free pair of sunglasses in every design. Kenya and Marlo are talking about Sheree’s unfinished house, which has been unfinished for 3 years. The neighbors are starting to complain. I laugh, thinking about how long it takes real estate projects to be completed where I live. That’s nothing.

Peter finally shows up. Blech. I just don’t like him. Kenya seems to think he has something on the side. I don’t know about that, but he definitely has himself on the side, and every other angle, since that’s all he cares about. He and Kenya exchange words about his guilty ways. The worst thing about him is how he gets so involved with the gossip like he’s one of the Wives, but I don’t see him holding a peach in the group shots. He also tends to get right in their faces, which is not cool for a man to do.

Everyone’s wondering where Cynthia is, when she makes a grand entrance in a Cleopatra-type outfit and a pair of the glasses. I am a sunglasses freak and totally support this endeavor. Cynthia is looking for Peter (why?).

Sheree makes an appearance. She’s all good friends with Marlo, which makes Phaedra and I wonder what happened, since that wasn’t the case the last time they crossed paths. Kenya asks Sheree what’s up with her house, and tells her that the neighbors have been complaining about how long it’s taking to complete. Again, if that’s really the case, they should live here for a while. They go back and forth, and Cynthia is like, stop it, this night is about me. Sheree gets louder and starts attracting attention. Cynthia tells her, enough already….

And it’s to be continued.

Tootie arrives next week!

Nov7

November 6, 2015 – Almost Jason, Roswell & Some Returns

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

It’s almost time and I’m already feeling that let down you get when the party is over and the guests go home. I’ve watched this storyline like some men watch a football game.

Doc is referring Anna to another therapist.

Ava shows up at Paul’s office with a gift for him. A blah-blah-blah, whatever artist it was both he and Tracy were looking for the other night. I’m guessing he’s the big gun she’s going to switch for Scotty. Ric says pretty much nothing to Sonny.

Come on, let’s get to the wedding.

Felix is having to deal with the boys (I mean the real boys) and Epiphany comes to take over. That’s what she’s best at, taking over. Michael says to Sabrrrina he’s glad their baby will have both his parents. Right now Sabrrrina’s wishing she’d never slept with Carrrlos, and I’m hoping with the tiniest hope that he’s not dead. Could happen. Nicholas is looking for Hayden. Michael wonders why he brought such a despicable woman there. Like Nicholas is any better, since he stole Michael’s company.

Jason thinks Carly is out of her mind, but she’s so overwhelmed with feelings, that she’s not really explaining. He says he’s not Jason, and she says yes, he is, and she’s got proof. If that laptop is okay, I want to know what brand it is.

Elizabeth asks Hayden why she’s there. She plays around with Elizabeth a little, saying things like “you know why,” and then says she’s there to wish Elizabeth every happiness.

Patrick hadn’t known Sabrrrina was pregnant. Really? I guess he hasn’t seen her in a while. Patrick wishes her and Michael well. I’d forgotten they were engaged at one point.

Anna doesn’t want to switch shrinks, but Doc says objectivity is key here and Dr. Whatshisname is new. He’s also pretty good looking. It’s Dr. Andre. I thought it might be, but then I thought I misheard because I once had a medical Dr. Andre.

Ava tells Paul that the hearing was moved. Paul says If the governor was involved, he can’t get involved. There goes that idea. Ric says it would be better if Carly came to the hearing. Gee, he might have thought of that before, doncha think?

Carly shows Jake the laptop and shows him his face changing. Not only is the laptop okay, the program works perfectly. He says it’s unsettling, but it must be a glitch in the program. She says she has paperwork, and he gets it from the car. It’s the DNA test and it says right there, JAKE DOE IS JASON MORGAN. For some reason Jason doesn’t want to believe he’s Jason. He says to Carly that Jason is dead and she needs to let him go. He so desperately doesn’t want to be Jason, I would think he knew all along, but I can’t imagine he’d have allowed Spinelli to get involved if he didn’t really want an answer.

Anna tells Dr. Andre about Duke’s death. She tells him she saw a man she has reason to believe is dead, so it must have been a hallucination. She tells him she couldn’t sleep and Doc prescribed anxiety meds.

Nicolas switches places with Hayden in Elizabeth’s dressing room. Elizabeth asks Nicholas why he brought her, and he says he really didn’t want to come by himself. (Um…he could have brought Spencer. Obviously there are kids allowed.) They talk about what good friends they are and all they’ve been through and how many lies they’ve told. Okay, not that last one. He says they deserve some good times.  He says not she has the opportunity to be with NuJason (he actually says “new Jason”) and they hug. Blech. Let me at those rainbows and unicorns.

Hayden runs into Patrick. She tells him her memory seems to be coming back all on its own. Sam who was passing by and couldn’t help but hear, asks if that means Jake’s identity too. Hayden says you never know, and I rub my hands in glee.

Sonny gets Michael on the phone. He hasn’t seen Carly either. Michael decides to help Sonny out and foregoes the wedding. How long do they think the ceremony will take? He tells Sabrrrina to stay and have Carly call him when she gets there.

Carly lists all the similarities between Jake and Jason. She doesn’t understand why he’s fighting it. Jason is pissed because nothing seemed familiar. Carly says everything was familiar. Spinelli thinking it was him, Elizabeth latching on to him, even her own trust in him. (And how about that old lady from the Lucky Buddha or whatever that restaurant was? And Sonny?) Jason says she just feels that way because she loved Jason and lost him. He says his name is Jake (stop it, Jason!). He says if he was Jason, he’d remember and he doesn’t, so, nyah-nyah, he rejects the DNA test. Nice try.

Sonny asks for Morgan to testify too. Ric thinks he’s making a mistake with that one, and I’d like to make a smart remark, but I can barely pay attention. Ava says Paul agreed to help her and owes it to her. He says the only reason she isn’t rotting in prison is because of him. She’s going to leave with the painting, but he says hold on there a minute, and says he’ll give her the strategy to beat Sonny. The painting must be better than I think it is.

Anna tells Dr. Andre that she’s seeing Carrrlos. He asks why and she says isn’t he supposed to tell her that? He says it might have something to do with guilt. She doesn’t get why she’s supposed to feel guilty or at least that’s what she says to the doctor. She says some other nonsense about Duke’s death and loving him.

Carly tells Jason the last thing she thought was that they’d have a fight when she found him. He say did she think they’d go get a beer and relive old times? Carly says he’s been waiting a year for this info so what gives? He’s all la-la-la I refuse to believe it. She says he’s always been true to himself and that he must be scared of something.

Sonny says he’d kill anyone who hurt his children. That’s probably not a good thing to say at the hearing.

The natives are getting restless because Jake and Carly aren’t there. The kids were told that when Hear Comes the Bride plays, the wedding starts, so when that music from Ordinary People starts playing, they go get Elizabeth. She talks to Patrick and is all panicked because Jake isn’t there and she knows damn well he shouldn’t be. Sam texts him, Where are you?

Jason is still screaming at Carly that he’s not Jason. She brings up how he was working for Helena. He says he can’t be Jason because he doesn’t feel it. He says even looking at his face changing on the laptop, he feels nothing. She says DNA doesn’t lie. He says maybe it’s true; he can see it, but he doesn’t feel it. So what is he supposed to do now? Carly tells him he has to cancel the wedding. He’s still married to Sam. Oh boy! Oh boy!

Anna tells the doctor he’s been helpful and she’ll be going now. Not so fast, says Dr. Andre. He knows she’s lying and tells her to come back when she’s ready to be honest, but he’s not refilling her meds. She complains to Doc about Andre on her way out.

I don’t know what Paul told Ava, but she’s happy about it. He tells her that if she wasn’t being so emotional she could have thought of it on her own. He also tells her how beautiful she is. Ava says he can keep the painting and that if all goes well, she’ll have to find another way to repay him. He grabs her, dips and kisses her. As Anna peeks through the door. Shame on you, Anna!

Oddly enough, Carly’s phone has been abandoned at the accident scene, so the 50 people trying to call her get nowhere. Sabrrrina throws a red herring in by saying Carly might be at the courthouse. Epiphany decides to take the boys for ice cream with Felix. Oh, okay, while they’re waiting for the wedding to start? I would think Epiphany would know better than that. Elizabeth knows something is wrong and Carly ain’t at the courthouse. Sam says she just got a text from Jake. I doubt it says that he’s Jason.

He says he’s on his way. Elizabeth says she feels silly, that Jake probably did drop Carly off. Elizabeth is going to make an announcement about the delay, and I’m hoping Hayden has an announcement of her own. Just as Elizabeth says the groom is running late…

…Jason walks in with Carly.

Z Nation

We’re in Roswell. Two people are running down a road and one gets zapped and sliced in pieces by what looks like a beam from an alien spaceship.

Cut to Operation Bite Mark, traveling by Jeep. Something is watching them. They see a zombie chopped in several pieces, moving around (the victim of the spaceship?) and give it mercy. 10K talks about mutilated cattle and how he knows all about aliens from an uncle. Doc suggests he’s been smoking z-weed or needs to. Murphy says if there were aliens, they would have been repulsed by the human race a long time ago. Hey, that’s my theory. Some garbled dialogue comes through the radio and it sounds like, what else? Aliens. They see a Close Encounters type light in the distance that disappears.

Roberta talks about her father being an air force pilot and believing in aliens and he was a no nonsense kind of guy. Murphy isn’t having any, but Doc says that UFOs are more believable than someone flying a jet after the apocalypse. OBM finds a crash site down the road. It’s been there a while and Roberta says it probably crashed when everything went to hell in a hand basket. OBM picks off several zombies that come out of nowhere.

Cool! They drive up to a little fast food place that looks like a spaceship. A guy with a clipboard pops out and asks if they’re here for the visitors. He’s one of a group of “extronauts” who have been invited, not abducted. He says the aliens are coming to save them from the apocalypse, and they must be part of the chosen. He explains that the aliens communicate through one of their group, Bernadette, but they’ve all seen the lights.

He leads them to a small crowd out back. Bernadette emerges and says they’ve been waiting for the strangers to arrive, and among them is the one the aliens have been waiting for, an emissary. In case there’s any doubt, that would be Murphy.

OBM sits down for some food. A guy who introduces himself as Dan Scully, but reminds me of Max Headroom, sits down at their table. He says he was just passing through and these people are all crazy. He says what’s really going on is the aliens aren’t coming because they’re already here and are the ones who caused the zombie virus. Murphy says he’s crazy, and Dan says crazy stays alive. The look on Doc’s face says he agrees with that. Dan suggests they leave before the zombie aliens come back.

Dan leaves and Bernadette joins their table. She says the aliens prefer the term “visitors,” and I wonder if that’s an homage to V. Bernadette wants to take them to an abandoned air force base.

They drive to the base. Bernadette says that the zombies won’t bother her, but apparently they haven’t gotten the memo because OBM have to give mercy to several. Behind a hangar is a landing strip that Bernadette has prepared for the aliens. She tells OBM that the voices told her only to bring the emissary. Roberta asks how long she’s been in contact with them. We go back to the beginning where she was the one running on the road. They take a break in a small office and Bernadette keeps insisting that Doc get some gum from the vending machine. Both Addy and Roberta notice everything is nailed down or magnetized, and Bernadette has put on a seatbelt. As Doc pulls the knob for the gum, the building starts rocking like Dorothy’s house in Wizard of Oz and begins to descend. It’s an elevator.

After reaching the bottom, they follow one of the tunnels, finding something like a mini version of the alien from Alien. Murphy isn’t liking it and OBM shoots at it. 10K gets it in the head. They almost examine the body, but hear a sound like a bomb about to go off and take cover. The zombie alien explodes, and Doc says that he’s wearing paper jumpsuit during the next apocalypse. Everything does seem to be pretty messy.

They go into a room with some kind of interactive hologram thing. Addy knows the program and starts messing with it. Addy stays with the holograms and Doc, hoping to make contact with someone. The others go back to where the alien exploded. Murphy is wondering why everything is mostly in English. Addy says maybe this is based on our old internet. Addy then gets to pictures and info about Bernadette,  the members of OBM, and a whole lot about Murphy.

Bernadette and OBM follow some lights until they get to another zombie alien or alien zombie or whatever these things are. Bernadette is like they come in peace, but no, they don’t. And they’re hard to kill because it’s like they’re wearing armor. Oh thank you. One just grabbed Bernadette. I got tired of her  harping on how wonderful they were.

The others find some alien weapons, and 10K takes one after affirming it works by blowing off a zombie’s head. Roberta, Vasquez and 10K end up back at the runway. The entire city is lit up and Bernadette is in an alien beam. The spaceship comes flying around and puts a spotlight on Murphy. He starts to follow it. 10K shoots at the ship with the weird gun, but it shoots back and he drops the gun. Doc yells to Murphy not to go, that they’re going to probe him and not in a good way. Roberta picks up the gun and gets the saucer. It flies away, and Murphy comes out of his trance. The ship crashes and there are a lot of pretty colored explosions.

They all go to the crash site, and find an alien. They remove its helmet and it’s Dan Scully. This is like Scoobie Doo. You darn kids! Dan says there are no aliens and he was going to tell Bernadette the truth when she got on board. The others were test pilot zombies. He’d been recruited to salvage any technology there, but wanted to bring Bernadette back with him, dragging Murphy into the story just for fun. She’s like, why didn’t you just ask me? Too late, he dies and Roberta has to give him mercy. This was all a pretty complicated way just to get a date, but I have to hand it to him. He had us all going.

Bernadette and Roberta look at the sky, and Bernadette wonders how she’s going to tell the others. Roberta tells her she’ll be okay. She returns and says the aliens told her the human race isn’t ready yet and they need to wait longer. Way to learn a lesson about lying.

Next week, it looks like we’ll get to see Citizen Z again. I hope so. I miss him and Pup.

Master Chef Junior & Grimm

Master Chef Junior is back. It’s fun to see the kinder, gentler Gordon Ramsey. It’s a bit of a blow to the ego though that an 8 year old can cook better than I ever have or will in my finest hour. The judges do their best to make it fun for the kids. This season, it’s Gordon Ramsey, Graham Cracker Elliot and Christina Tosi. They started the kids off with making a burger, all of which were fabulous and made me hungry, and ended with a marshmallow dish. Marshmallows are difficult to cook with, and as sometimes happens, one of the kids cried when their dish didn’t come out as planned. I’d like to add that no matter what it looked like, Christina said it tasted good, and I have no doubt she was telling the truth. This kid wasn’t much older than I was when I decided to bake my father a birthday cake. That part actually went well, but I also decided to ice it when it was still hot. I ended up trying to hold it together with toothpicks. So, there you go, kid. You might have gotten cut tonight, but at least you didn’t have to hold your dessert together with toothpicks.

Grimm is also back, and no one told me. I don’t always pay total attention to this show, but it’s very clever and I love when the characters turn into stuff.

Nov2

November 1, 2015 — A Giant Bear, a Backstory & Vicki in the Hot Seat

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

Lance and Merida are imprisoned, and Merlin takes David, Hook and Belle to free them. Merida says Arthur took her wisps and she needs them to save her brothers. Merlin says that her brothers will have to wait, as they have more urgent business.

In Storybrooke (that I’ve been spelling wrong), Belle suggests that instead of wasting time finding Merlin, they should ask Rumpelstiltskin for help. Rumpel is in the woods mooning over his teacup. He smashes it to get something to cut his rope bonds. Dark Emma and Merida see that he’s gone. Dark Emma tells Merida to kill Belle in order to get Rumpel to fight for something. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to work, but okay.

In the parallel world, Merida bops Belle in the head to get her to help with some magic. Belle says that she could have just asked, and Merida says she’s a bop you in the head first and ask questions later kind of lass. They go to a cute witch’s cabin when the witch is out at the mall or something, and borrow the use of her cauldron. Merida sees her brothers. They are about to be executed because Merida won’t marry some guy.

In Storybrooke, Belle finds Rumpel hiding. He tells her that if it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t even be alive. I’m not sure if he’s talking about the teacup or something else. He tells Belle that Dark Emma is after her because she wants Rumpel to defend her.

Wicked Witch, Zelena, has also been imprisoned, in a hospital by Regina. She’s reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting, because she is. A nurse brings her a tray with food. Zelena is hoping for onion rings, but the nurse says she’s only supposed to have locally grown produce and shows her a yummy plate of broccoli and carrots. She tells the nurse to take a hike. Dark Emma pops in and spirits Zelena away and gives her onion rings. Zelena asks what Dark Emma wants.  Emma wants her help in exchange for her freedom. Zelena says forget you and disappears poof! in a cloud of smoke. I don’t know if she took herself back to the hospital or somewhere else.

Belle tells Rumpel to forget about the stupid teacup, and that she’s always seen that he’s a hero underneath. They go to Mr. Gold’s (nee Rumpel’s) shop and Merida shows up. She says she couldn’t resist Emma and now Belle’s fate rests in Rumpel’s hands.

Parallel world Merida says her father taught her everything she knows and that if she remembers what she’s fighting for, she’ll never miss her target. She’s given Belle a recipe for a potion to change her (Merida) into a bear, so that she can fight the clan who has her brothers.

Storybrooke Arthur says he’ll help Regina get Merlin back, but he has to be alone with the magic mushroom to do it. (That’s what they all say.) The second he’s by himself, he throws it into the fire. I didn’t think he was really there to help. He tells them some story to cover up what he did.

Merida is about to shoot Belle with an arrow, and tells Rumpel to be the man they need. He says, sorry he can’t, and while Merida is taking aim, Belle pulls the rug out from under her. Literally.

Parallel Merida tells Belle that her father died because of her. She tried to protect him and missed the target. She says the clans lost faith in her. They didn’t believe she could rule alone and wanted her to marry. Belle gives her the bear potion.

Rumpel and Belle drive out of Storybrooke. Belle tells him running never made anyone a hero and makes him stop the car. He tells her about how he injured himself to avoid combat, that he’s a coward and it’s not going to change. She walks away back toward Storybrooke and runs right into Merida. Merida says Dark Emma isn’t taking chances and is making her drink the bear potion. She turns into a bear the size of the Empire State Building.

Just has the clans are celebrating their victory in capturing Merida’s brothers, Merida shows up and drinks the bear potion. Nothing happens and Belle tells her that she switched bottles because Merida needs to defend herself as their queen, otherwise they’ll never respect her. Just as arrows are let fly toward her brothers, Merida shoots her own arrows that stop theirs.  The clans are so impressed they kneel before their queen and release her brothers. She tells the dude who wanted to marry her that he’s lucky she knows the meaning of mercy.

The gigantic bear chases Belle through the woods. This thing is freaking massive and she tumbles down a cliff. Belle and the bear are face to face, and Rumpel shows up. Belle tells him to run, but he says he’s not running this time. The bear cracks him one and he goes flying. He tells the bear to do her worst, and then throws a bag of magic whatever in her mouth and the bear changes back to Merida. Belle asks how he knew it would work and he says he didn’t. Mushy stuff with Belle and Rumpel, while Merida lies there on the ground feeling like an idiot.

Merida thanks parallel Belle for helping her get her kingdom back, and Belle leaves to go to Rumpel.

Storeybrooke Merlin tells Emma that he’s always wanted to try a certain candy bar, and Emma remembers him being an usher in a movie theater where she saw The Sword in the Stone as a girl. He had told her that one day she’d be in a position to remove Excalibur, but he tells her now not to do it.

Rumpel wants to make a deal with Dark Emma. He says he’ll remove Excalibur if she gives Merida her heart back. After balking for 5 seconds, Dark Emma puts Merida’s heart back where it belongs. Rumpel tells Belle that if things don’t work out, he’s sorry for everything. He removes Excalibur and cuts off Dark Emma’s head. Just kidding. He says a deal’s a deal, and gives her the sword. He tells Dark Emma that she’s made a mistake in turning him into a hero. She says Storybrooke is loaded with heroes and none of them have been able to stop her. He says that’s because none of them are him.

David finds the burned mushroom and says they obviously can’t trust Arthur. Regina says Henry can help them since he’s the author of the story. Henry puts the mushroom into a bubbling cauldron, and Hologram Merlin rises out of it. He starts telling them something, but then says the dark one has found him and disappears.

The Walking Dead

We begin with Morgan talking to someone we don’t see. He says they’ve wanted everything from him and he’s going to give it to them. The word “Then” is shown and Morgan is in what looks like some kind of cell with a blackboard. He’s yelling at someone while a lantern on the floor looks like it’s going to burn the place down. This is a confusing episode start, but they like to do that.

Now Morgan is in the woods picking off some zombies. He puts them in a pile, covers them with dried leaves and sets them on fire. Way to start a forest fire. Where is Smokey the Bear when you need him? Oops! One of those zombies wasn’t quite dead and gives a whole new meaning to the term burning man festival. Satisfied with his day’s work, Morgan has a beer.

Two guys who are not zombies come running through the woods. Morgan gets one in the throat with a sharpened stick and strangles the other. He burns them too. I have no clue what’s going on here, except that Morgan is a firebug.

Morgan is talking to himself, saying, “You know what it is,” and does some clumsy ballet moves with the stick. He sees a house with a goat tied out front. He’s about to steal the goat when a voice tells him to leave the goat alone. The voice tells him to put the gun down and come inside for some falafel. I’m not even making that up. He comes closer to the cabin and the voice tells him it’s his last chance to put the gun down. When he doesn’t, he gets whacked in the head from behind by a guy who looks like Friar Tuck.

Morgan comes to in a cell. There’s a lot of that going around. The friar has changed into work clothes, and tells Morgan he should be more careful. Morgan yells “Kill me,” a couple of times. He tosses Morgan a book on The Art of Peace. The watch goat sounds an alarm and the guy runs out and intercepts a zombie. He gives Morgan some food.

The next day, he tells Morgan his name is Eastman and that he rehabilitated prisoners before the apocalypse. He asks Morgan what he does or did. Morgan says kill anyone who gets near him. Nice. When Eastman is out on his morning constitutional, Morgan works the zipper pull of his jacket and tries cutting around one of the window bars. When Eastman comes back in, he says he believes Morgan must be suffering from PTSD. Morgan tells him about killing the two guys. Eastman asks if Morgan has saved anyone. He says he saw a wedding ring, so Morgan must have had someone in his life. He supposes Morgan saw them get zombiefied. Morgan says he has to kill him because he was born to “clear,” whatever that means. Eastman says that he’s only met one truly evil person, that it’s usually some kind of trauma that causes people to do bad things. It turns out the cell door was open the whole time. I’m sure this is all very philosophical and Morgan wrecked his jacket for nothing. Eastman tells him he can go or stay, but he won’t allow Morgan to kill him. Morgan opens the cell door, acts like he’s leaving and then attacks Eastman with his stick.

Eastman gets the better of him, but then Morgan gets the better of Eastman. It reverses again, but in the end Eastman pins Morgan to the ground until he gets ahold of himself, like you would with a kid having a tantrum. Morgan asks Eastman to kill him again, which is getting old, but Eastman says he gave Morgan two choices and that wasn’t one of them. Morgan goes back to the cell and closes the door. Eastman opens it and Morgan kicks it shut again.

Later, Eastman tells him that it was aikido he was using to kick Morgan’s ass. He tells Morgan about how his daughter found him crying in the garage after work. She gave him her rabbit’s foot and told him it will make things better. He discovered aikido the next day. Eastman says they’re going on a trip. He has no idea where, but he doesn’t want to go by himself.

Eastman is also on a mission to learn how to make goat cheese. He tells Morgan he has a lot of supplies, but wants to scavenge some things for the trip. He asks Morgan to watch the goat while he’s gone. I swear, if Morgan touches that goat, I’ll kill him myself. He picks up the book and reads that the basic creed of aikido is to not kill, even if it’s the most evil person. He hears the goat making warning sounds and knocks off a couple of zombies.

I hope his attitude changes by the end of this episode, because he’s annoying the crap out of me. He finds a makeshift graveyard and is burying the zombies when Eastman comes back. Eastman thanks him for saving the goat and checks the zombies’ pockets for ID so that he can make grave markers. I am having such a bad feeling here that this is going to end in some depressing way.

Commercial break. The Talking Dead is having 2 surprise cast members tonight. That’s not good.

Eastman wants to teach Morgan aikido. He says you’re to care about the welfare of your opponent and that all life is precious, not just yours. Morgan gets aikido lessons and reads the book. At dinner, Morgan asks what’s up with the cell in his living room. Eastman tells him that back in the day, he interviewed prisoners up for parole and there was a guy who said and did all the right things, but he could see the guy was a psychopath. The prisoner discovered that he knew, dropped the facade and was going to kill Eastman because he knew Eastman would make sure he’d never get out of prison. I would say that’s not the best solution, but he got out anyway and killed Eastman’s family. (Here I would say this is pretty far-fetched, but I was friends with Richie Adan who was murdered by Jack Henry Abbott after Norman Mailer had helped him get released.) Eastman built the cell because he was going to put this guy in it, but he came to believe all life is precious.  I just know this episode is going to break my heart somehow.

Eastman asks Morgan who he lost and what were their names. Morgan wants to have a pity party, but Eastman says no, we’re doing some aikido instead. While they’re doing a drill, a zombie comes out of the woods. It’s one of the guys Morgan killed and Morgan becomes paralyzed. Eastman intervenes and gets bitten. My prediction was correct. Morgan is furious. Eastman says let’s go home, that Morgan “made it out,” and can’t go back. They fight with the aikido sticks and once again Morgan goes back to the “kill me” business.

Commercial break. An “episode” of Fear 462. One of the characters used to be on All My Children a really long time ago. So long, I don’t remember what her name is or her character’s name. Julie rings a bell, but I’m not positive.

This is just dismal now. Morgan is on a hunt for zombies in the woods. He kills one and there are two hikers that had been frozen in their tracks. The girl takes a can of beans and a bullet out of her bag, puts them down as an offering to Morgan and says, thank you. I’m glad he didn’t kill them.

Oh my heart. I can’t take this. Morgan comes home to find the goat being eaten by a zombie. Eastman is a beat behind him and says she must have figured out the door wasn’t locked and gotten out. I want to cry.

Eastman finishes the story about the prisoner. He did accomplish his mission and when the prisoner was eventually released, he kidnapped him. He put him in the cell and let him starve to death. It took 47 days. He says he was like Morgan was, but it gave him no peace. He found peace when he decided to never kill anything again. I guess this cabin is pretty remote, because when he went to turn himself in, he found out about the apocalypse.

Eastman isn’t looking too good. He says he’s ready to go and he has a gun locked away. He gives Morgan his rabbit’s foot and says he hopes it’s lucky for Morgan too. This whole thing is very painful and I’m glad they’re not showing the suicide. Morgan is truly alone once again.

Morgan leaves the cabin, walking past Eastman’s grave marker. He sees the sign and map for Terminus, smiles, and heads down the train tracks. And we all know how that ended up.

We’re back to now, and Morgan is with a Wolf that he’d abducted, to whom he’d been telling the story. The Wolf asks if Morgan thinks there’s hope for him and Morgan says yes. The Wolf shows Morgan that he has a bite mark. He says he knows he’s probably going die, that if he doesn’t, he’ll have to kill everyone there. All righty then.

Morgan leaves and locks the door. And I still don’t know what was going on with that fire in the beginning.

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part 3

I love Heather’s dress and earrings! We dive right into the Brooks thing, even showing an ancient clip with an ex-Housewife Laurie. Tamra tells some old story too. Shannon asks if Vicki thinks Brooks really has cancer and she says yes. Briana says early on, Brooks had said he had pancreatic cancer, but it was really pancreatitis.

They cut to a one-on-one interview by Andy with Brooks, who “couldn’t be there.” I’ll bet. I wouldn’t want to be there either with that bunch of women ganging up on me. He talks about the Newport Imaging PET scan. Brooks says that he went to Hogue for the test, but his oncologist practices at both places and the results were dictated at Newport.  Andy brings up the pancreatitis thing. He says he never talked to Briana directly about it, that it was Vicki who passed along the wrong info. Briana makes a bunch of faces in a little box in the corner of the screen.

Vicki says she doesn’t have proof if he has cancer or not and everyone yells at her for “protecting” Brooks. Shannon says she has proof. She took a screen shot of the report and compared it with a test she had taken there. She whips out a copy of one of their reports and gives us all kinds of information about how they do stuff there. She says the mess that his report was isn’t even comparable. Vicki heaves a huge sigh. Back at the Brooks interview, Andy points out the inconsistencies between what Vicki and Brooks have said. Brooks says she misspeaks quite a bit. Andy asks if he has anything to say to Meghan, and he says F-off. Now tell us how you really feel. Andy asks why he doesn’t show Heather’s husband Terry the report, and he says he wishes he had and that he will. Heather says it hasn’t happened yet. Vicki admits to fabricating a story about Terry’s involvement because she wanted people to have compassion. The women go nuts on her and at least Andy comes to her defense for telling the truth.

Andy says Meghan went to great lengths to disprove Brooks’s cancer. Meghan starts crying about the dinner party where Vicki went off on her and her husband’s ex-wife just dying from cancer. Vicki says she still believes Brooks has cancer and she had even gone to chemo with him once. Heather says Vicki is too smart for this and Tamra asks what does Brooks have on her to make her lie? Andy asks if Vicki is scared of Brooks and she kind of nods. She says he was more verbally abusive. Briana says that she’s seem him be physically abusive. She says she saw Brooks shake Vicki and it was in front of a room full of people, so what does he do behind closed doors? I’m wondering why nobody in that room full of people, including Briana, say something?

Vicki says that no one seemed to care when Brooks was diagnosed, and Shannon gets pretty upset. We flash back to just about every interaction with Shannon and Vicki last season. We also see the bit where Tamra said Vicki might be going to hell for lying. All the women agree. I wonder where on earth the Christians in the bunch get this stuff, and consider writing to Tamra’s “pasture” again.

Shannon goes nuts, talking about how she was loyal to Vicki. Vicki talks about her mother passing away and Meghan idiotically says that shouldn’t affect the other areas of her life. Vicki admits that her gut reaction is that Brooks doesn’t have cancer. Andy says Vicki seems disconnected and outs Vicki for taking some Xanax. Geez, nothing is sacred. She says nobody wants to feel duped, and she feels sad, but relieved to not be with him any longer. However, she sticks with the fact that she never had definitive proof that he does or doesn’t have cancer. Briana talks about how she’s been back home and has her old room back. There’s something about her that I just don’t like. Maybe it’s that she claims to be so independent, yet I get the feeling she’s very dependent.They take a break and Tamra, Briana and Vicki discuss the whole thing. Tamra says she’s heartbroken and wants the old Vicki back.

I think my problem with this bunch is, although they might be coming from a good place (I’m not so sure about Meghan – I think that one has a screw loose), they’re loud and relentless. They never once gave Vicki a break when her mother had just passed away. And yes, Meghan, something like that can affect other areas of your life. It was like they were torturing this poor woman instead of helping the situation. Honestly, sometimes they come off like they’ve had no life experience whatsoever, and certainly can’t seem to walk in anyone else’s shoes.

Awww, it’s our final moments of the reunion. Andy asks Meghan how her experience was, and I don’t care. He points out that Vicki copped to her culpability in the Brooks business, but says it wasn’t enough to satisfy the other wives. Shannon says blah-blah-blah about her marriage and that she’s disappointed in her friendship with Vicki. Tamra gets all choked up about being grateful and says she hopes her friendship with Vicki can be mended. Vicki says she’s not in a good place, that she’s sad, but she also feels refreshed.

Andy passes out fireball shots and I wish I’d had several while watching this.

Oct31

October 30, 2015 — Halloween in Port Charles & a Zombie Museum

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital – Thursday

I guess I didn’t miss anything yesterday, since everyone seems to be acting normally. Or at least as normal as they’re going to be in Port Charles.

Halloween is here! Emma has decided on the Evie costume (Paul told her it gave her “an edge”), Sam is the Evil Queen (been there, done that), and Patrick is a doctor (a real stretch) along with Danny as his mini-me. “Jake” and the rest of the boys are a football team

Spinelli has stayed behind to work on the “Jake” project. “All Hallows Eve,” he tells us, “is a night when secrets are revealed.” I live in hope, but not really. He’s also answering the door for trick-or-treaters, and Maxie shows up.

Dillon and Lulu are getting ready for The Haunted Star Halloween Extravaganza, but Lulu tells him she doesn’t see how they can be friends again. After a real just one kiss? She’s a little ridiculous. That almost rhymed. The PA, Andy, is editing his behind-the-scenes film and comes across the part where Valerie tells Dillon she slept with Dante and they didn’t know the camera was on. He says “whoa,” but I don’t because I already knew all that.

Ava, who always has the best outfits – today it’s a shocking blue number with black lace detail – is on the phone leaving a message for Kiki, asking her for help with the custody battle. Tracy shows up and says she wants “a piece of work,” but doesn’t mean Ava.

Paul tries to give Dillon some romance advice, and tells him to not give up. Rah-rah.

Andy is supposed to be setting up the music, and Lulu interrupts his film watching. He runs into Valerie in the hallway and tells her she looks smokin’ hot (she’s dressed as a 1950s schoolgirl and “cute” might be more appropriate). He asks if she has a better relationship going on and we both say, “Huh?” Valerie is looking for Lulu and goes in the editing room which is now a dressing room. Lulu is going with sexy cop. Zzzzzz….

Spinelli and Maxie SKYPE with their baby, Georgie, and then say how flawless she is. “A perfect collections of atoms,” Spinelli says.

Tracy is looking for a specific artist that only Ava’s gallery carries. She says that Ava shouldn’t expect Kiki’s help, and that Avery didn’t exactly hit the parent jackpot with a sociopath and a mob boss, but she picks Sonny to be the better parent regardless. I dunno. I like Ava. I like her more than I do Sonny anyway.

Dante tells Sonny the truth about Valerie. Sonny tells him it’s not going to do anyone any good for Dante to wallow in regret and suggests he go to confession.

Lulu tells Valerie that there’s weird tension between her and Dillon now, but Valerie tells her she shouldn’t give up the friendship. She says that Dillon has done a lot for her family and she should give him a break.

Commercial break. I am so tired of everything being “connected.” Sorry, but when I leave the house, I don’t want the phone, computer and television following me. I leave the house to get away from all that.

Ava tells Tracy to get lost, that she doesn’t need the sale that bad. Tracy runs into Paul at the door.

Andy tells Dillon he’d better take a look at the film. Yep.

Spinelli gives Maxie a book on goddesses, because she’s dressed like one and it’s not the first time. She says next time at leastshe’ll know which one she is. Spinelli says she’ll always be a goddess to him and they say they’ll always love each other. I wish they meant it that way. Nathan is hot, but I miss Spinelli, and I was never crazy about Ellie. Although it all seemed like just a vehicle to get Georgie off the canvas.

Elizabeth, now in her cheerleader outfit, is back home from trick-or-treating with the guys. Young Jake still keeps insisting that “Jake” is his father. Elizabeth asks “Jake” to consider adopting Jake and Cameron after they get married.

Nooooo! Maxie just spilled coffee all over Spinelli’s keyboard while the whole shebang was downloading. I actually said, “Noooo!” and gasped out loud and all the dogs looked at me like, what up? What up is that I’d better not have to wait until Christmas for this reveal. I’m more disappointed than Spinelli.

Sam tries to sop the mess up with a towel. Maxie is mortified and Spinelli tells her it’s fine. No. It’s not. She has to leave and suggests he put the laptop in some rice. (?) When she’s gone, Spinelli tells Sam it’s “an unmitigated disaster.” OMG, I can’t stand it.

Elizabeth talks to the boys alone about “Jake” adopting them. The boys are excited about it, and young Jake says he’s on board even though “Jake” doesn’t need to adopt him. This kid is like a dog with a bone.

Paul says he’s there to look at the same collection Tracy was interested in. He tells Tracy that Dillon turned down his funding offer because he wouldn’t feel right taking more money, and Tracy wonders whose child Dillon is. She says they can be supportive by going to The Haunted Star party, and he says he’ll meet her there.

Dante tells Sonny that Dillon knows about his indiscretion because Valerie told him. Sonny says she might be cool, but she obviously has no impulse control, and that he has to tell Lulu before someone else does. For once, I agree with him. Mostly because I want to see the fireworks.

Spinelli uses the hairdryer on the keyboard, when “Jake” shows up. He acts really cute with Danny and he seems like a natural as a dad. I feel Spinelli’s pain with that keyboard. I did the same thing twice in a row and finally got a keyboard you can put in the dishwasher.

Elizabeth tells Patrick that she’s glad “Jake” has stopped with chasing his real identity. And Patrick goes, D’oh! Because he know better.

Ava gets a text from her lawyer saying that under no circumstances will Kiki help her out. She starts to cry and Paul tells her to trust him, that it’s going to be okay. Then he kisses her big time. I’d just been thinking they might be good together.

Tracy tells Maxie she’ll be glad to contribute funding to the film, but she’d like a producer credit and a “teeny, tiny” say in the final cut. Maxie wonders why she bothered to ask.

Lulu and Dillon make up and while they’re hugging it out, Lulu sees a freeze frame of Dillon talking to Valerie on the laptop screen.

Patrick goes humana-humana, and says Elizabeth should try and see it from “Jake’s” side, that he wants to make sure he’s the man she needs him to be. She says blah-blah-blah, because I stopped listening to her a long time ago.

Spinelli says it’s do or die time. It’s back! The laptop is working! Hallelujah!

Jake gets a text from “Unknown” that says, “We’re coming for you.” Great. I hope they don’t come before we find out who he really is.

Lulu asks what’s on the screen and Dillon tells her it’s probably behind-the-scenes stuff. She says she guesses Valerie made the cut and wonders if she did. And then…SHE PRESSES THE BUTTON TO START THE FILM. Please, oh please, oh please.

Sonny tells Dante that being a man means making mistakes and figuring out how to fix them. (I think there might be a little more to it than that, but okay.) Dante says he’ll come clean with Lulu. I am so hoping it’s after she sees that film clip. I’m making popcorn.

Side comment: Since GH ends slightly before the hour, because we all know ABC can’t wait to give you the bad news, I flipped to CBS and saw the preview for tomorrow’s Dr. Phil. Jared Fogle is one huge deviant. I think Subway stock just plummeted to nothing from even that small clip.

General Hospital – Friday

Halloween continues. The Haunted Star is rocking and rolling. Morgan is dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow. How 2003 of him.

Dammit! Lulu hits play, but Dillon slams the laptop shut.

Franco and Nina are getting ready for the party or maybe they’re going to have their own party. Franco doesn’t want to give Kiki a ride (I have no clue what her costume is supposed to be – punk hipster?), and tells her to call a car. She’s been banned from the taxi company though, since she threw up in a cab. I guess they don’t have Uber. Ava shows up with baby Avery, who is dressed as a baby unicorn.

Andy shows up and Lulu goes back to tend to her guests. Dillon wants to know what’s up with the behind-the-scenes footage.

Paul shows up while Anna is at the docks. She tells him she thinks he’s part of a cover-up involving the deceased Carrrlos. Paul asks her what she sees when she looks in the mirror, and that he sees a decent person who’s crumbling from the inside out. He says she’s been a wreck since she came back to Port Charles. Then he says it. “You murdered Carrrlos Rivera.”

Sabrrrina (a princess) tells Felix (a vampire) that the baby might not be Michael’s. She tells him about her tryst with Carrrlos.

“Jake” is at (where else?) The Floating Rib with Carly, Michael and Sam. It’s a pseudo bachelor party. Yay! Karaoke time! “Jake” and Sam get up to sing. Their book of songs looks a lot more organized than the one where I do karaoke. I’m disappointed that we don’t get to hear anyone sing.

Spinelli tells Sam that the reconstruction should be completed shortly, but then what? I’ll tell him what. He’s going to see Jason’s face and I can stop putting quotes around Jake’s name.

Elizabeth gets a gift of a family heirloom and note from Audrey, apologizing for not being able to make the ceremony, but sending much love. Since we see her writing it, I assume Rachel Ames either wasn’t able to participate more than that or they didn’t want to pay her for more than that.

Dante tells Nathan (a gladiator) that he’s going to come clean with Lulu. Dante is dressed as a cheating husband.

Dillon tells Andy to delete the footage. Andy says it’s 50% of his grade, but he won’t include that part. I’m a little confused why he just can’t edit it out immediately.

Maxie is hitting up Morgan for some funding. He wants a scene with Darby, who he’s at the party with. I thought he made up with Kiki. WTH? Ohh, I’ll bet I did miss something yesterday.

Kiki tells Ava not to push her or she’ll tell the DA everything she’s ever done. Franco asks her to leave. She begs Kiki to let her fix things, but it’s a no. Ava asks Franco to help with the Kiki situation. She says that none of this would have happened if Franco hadn’t left her to die on the bridge. He says he’ll take it under advisement. She says that when he’s sitting around getting fat off of Nina’s money, to remember that he could have saved Avery from Sonny.

OMG, I think I know what’s going to happen. Dillon is supposed to show “the sizzle reel,” whatever that means, to help them promote the film. Maybe it will be a sizzle in a different way.

Good Lord, I can’t stand it. Something is up with Ellie, and Spinelli says he’s going home at once. No, no, no, no, no. Not before that reconstruction finishes. He leaves a phone message for Sam, saying he has to go, but he’s leaving the laptop with her. Are they on dial-up or something? What takes days to download anymore?

Paul tells Anna that he has enough evidence to convict her, but doesn’t want to send her to prison. Paul planted Carrrlos’s wallet on another body that was too decomposed for them to tell, and had it cremated before anyone could ask too many questions. Or check dental records.

Lulu tells Tracy that she and Dante want to try for another child. Tracy tells her she’s not going to give out any unicorns and rainbows, and that Lulu has enough on her plate.

Valerie tells Dante she made it into the police academy. Valerie and Dante hug it out and Dillon is lurking. Dante wants to tell her about how he’s going to confess to Lulu, but she says it’s not a good time and disappears.

Paul tells Anna that she deserves a break, that she only made one bad decision. He says that maybe she’ll be in a position to return the favor one day.

Sabrrrina says she’s barely holding it together, and Felix tells her she needs to take a paternity test.

Patrick says something to Elizabeth about having cold feet, because she’s getting married “tomorrow.”  Um, even in Soapland, the day after Halloween isn’t November 6.

Kiki makes it to the party. She’s looking for Morgan, who is getting busy with Darby somewhere. I can’t tell if he’s still at the party or they’re at a hotel.

Anna sees Carrrlos! I would so love it if he wasn’t really dead. No body, no dead, I say. Even sometimes when there’s a body, they’re not dead.

Here comes the sizzle reel…. YES! And the remote won’t work. Thank you! Thank you! This just made my Halloween.

Spinelli gives Carly the laptop and asks her tells her to pass it along to Sam. The facial recognition is now 99% complete. These people are going to kill me yet.

The last thing we see is “Jake’s” face turn into Jason’s on the laptop screen. Finally. I hope.

Z Nation

Operation Bite Mark is assessing their supplies, which pretty much consist of a handful of bullets, some batteries, and a few pieces of chewing gum “for repair purposes only.”

Doc wakes Murphy, who’s been dreaming of brains. And I don’t mean smarts, I mean a snack. While helping Doc forage for lunch, Murphy sees a brain hanging from a rope. When he investigates, he falls into a hole. Like one of those cartoon traps. A zombie is there already, eating some brains. When the zombie holds them out to Murphy, he dips his finger in them and puts it across his gums, as though it was cocaine. And it gives him a jolt like the same.

A dude in a steampunk outfit enters the hole, knocks Murphy out and tangles with the zombie, killing him. Murphy wakes up in a lab. Steampunk dude is doing some kind of experiments, and is startled that Murphy seems to have a certain amount of comprehension. Because Murphy has been choked out, he can’t quite speak. Oh, I get it. Steampunk Dude (who actually looks like a middle-aged hippie) set the trap for experiment subjects.

Murphy asks for water. He gets his voice back, and Steampunk Dude brings out a recording of Citizen Z describing Murphy. At least he got a clue pretty quickly. What he decides to do about Murphy is yet to be seen.

Murphy ends up in a shock collar. He says his friends will be looking for him. Steampunk Dude gets a little nuts, talking about the CDC (the organization that Murphy is headed to). Apparently, he’s been hassling them for years, and has a stack of returned mail, with the addresses written in crayon, to prove it. No doubt he has some cease and desist letters too. He also constantly makes notes on cards he keeps on a makeshift Rolodex around his neck.

Steampunk Dude has been banned from Comicon because he was actually serious about being a zombie hunter. He’s created a zombie museum. A lot of nerdy repartee happens while he shows Murphy his collection. He also has an interesting Groot. He says that George Romero working social commentary into horror films has resonance. Murphy sees a poster for Dawn of the Dead and says scary and funny is the way he likes his zombies. There is a whole lot of discussion about Dawn of the Dead. Steampunk Dude says Romero never explained why the dead rise and that’s more horrifying than anything else. Good point. Steampunk Dude says Murphy is to be revered. Geez, you’d think he’d take off the shock collar then. Steampunk Dude has hot running water, and Murphy gets a shower. Probably the first one in who knows how long.

After his shower, Murphy is getting dressed when Steampunk Dude struggles with a zombie. Murphy gets the best of him while he’s distracted, says he must be on his way, and then gets shot in the back with some kind of dart. Shit. Steampunk Dude says that Murphy is only the CDC’s pawn, and if anyone wants to see him, they’ll have to go through Steampunk Dude first. His plans are to have an interactive display in his museum with Murphy.

He puts Murphy in the guest chair and does some kind of public access show called Dead Live, that I imagine is for posterity since there’s no electricity for people to watch TV.  I do learn his name is Dean though. He takes a bone marrow sample from Murphy with a six or eight inch needle (he isn’t sure which) because science is all about trying, and he wants to see if it tells him anything.

In an interview segment, Murphy says he was in prison and being used as a guinea pig for experimental drugs by the CDC. When the prison was overrun with zombies, he was bitten, but survived. He said he made a promise to eat the doctor’s brains that was in charge of the experiments.

We periodically see OBM searching through every house for Murphy in the meantime.

Dean continues to interview Murphy about everything from what happens when he bites someone (he says nothing special, even though we know otherwise, and they flash back to Cassandra) and whether he can control zombies with his thoughts (“that’s how rumors get started”). He tells Dean that he doesn’t know what brains taste like because he’s never eaten them, and Dean responds by saying, “For the first time on television…” When Dean leaves to put the bone marrow sample in the fridge, Murphy taps into the brain of a lab zombie and tells him to cut Murphy’s bonds with a medical tool. Before that can be accomplished though, Dean returns.

Dean has a display of live zombies, chained behind an electric fence. In the “Celebrity Zombie Room,” it’s George RR Martin signing books. Murphy doesn’t know who he is because they didn’t have HBO in prison. Dean says they were both at the last Comicon when the apocalypse happened.  Because the autograph reflexes run so deep, George can still autograph books and Dean says he’ll make a mint when eBay comes back and he has thousands of them. He asks Murphy if his telepathic powers can get George to finish his last book. I’m with him one that. Murphy picks up a manuscript that begins, “Summer is here,” (ha-ha!) and wonders why 800 pages isn’t enough (snort). Murphy asks if he can keep one of the books and slams Dean in the head with it. Running past the exhibit, he sees a chair meant for him. Dean chases him through what looks like an old hotel all the while giving him various monetary incentives to stick around. When Murphy reaches the front door, Dean says 50/50 is the best he can do. Dean pushes a buzzer and tells Murphy to go, but the door is electrified. Dean says Murphy is dangerous and he’s  going to drain Murphy’s blood and freeze it. He keeps using the shock collar on Murphy and its pissing me off.

10K is at the door! Murphy can’t see him, and Dean keeps shocking him, so he can’t do anything. This is a freakin’ stressful moment. Dean goes to the door and 10K says he’s looking for a friend. Dean says he hasn’t seen anyone. 10K isn’t satisfied though and keeps asking questions. He finally leaves, but gets in to the building through the kitchen. He walks past the live display and finds Murphy, with an IV draining his blood.

Here comes the ohshitohshitohshit moment.

Dean comes up behind 10K and shocks him. I guess this is the only way to incapacitate both zombies and people. He wants Murphy to turn 10K. In a zombie way.10K begs him not to turn him into “one of those things.” Murphy says he doesn’t know what 10K is talking about, and Dean shocks him. Murphy tells 10K not to be afraid. 10K says he doesn’t fear Murphy, he hates him and wishes he would die for real. They both get another shock when Murphy says they finally agree on something. Dean fires a warning shot and says if Murphy doesn’t bite 10K, he’ll shoot them both. OBM has heard the shot. Murphy is about to bite 10K when he asks Dean if he’s sure that’s what he wants. Dean says to show him what it’s like to be a zombie. This was probably the wrong thing to say, as Murphy sics the now loose display zombies on him. So much blood has been drained from Murphy, he passes out, and the zombies look at 10K

This is not good. And it doesn’t matter that 10K says, “I’m with him,” pointing to the unconscious Murphy. OBM arrives and has just enough bullets to get rid of the zombies. They wheel Murphy out as he regains consciousness.

Vasquez gets the collar off of Murphy. Doc sets up the IV to put the blood back into Murphy. Murphy asks Roberta to promise not to leave him alone when they get to California and she does. Murphy seems alone and afraid, and it’s a little sad.

IMO, this was one of the best episodes ever. Not only did we get a lot of Murphy’s backstory, it appealed to the nerd in me. The original Dawn of the Dead is one of my favorite horror films, and the banter about it was excellent. The George RR Martin cameo was a real delight as well.

Oct26

October 25, 2015 — A Freed Wizard, a Zombie Herd & Checking In

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

Once Upon A Time

Old Camelot. Some knight dude has the dagger and comes across the hooded figure from the Scream movies. Okay, not quite, but that could probably happen in this show. He says something about “the destroyer” and “the only woman he ever loved,” and the hooded figure turns him into a tree. Ok, he must be Merlin.

Because Snow and David got fairy dusted or whatever last week, they tell Regina that Arthur is cool and she should give him the dagger. Emma freeze frames them and tells Regina that Arthur is bad news, and the dagger needs to go back from whence it came, and free Merlin.

In Storybrook, Guinevere wants to have a ball to lift the stuck Camelot people’s spirits. Not a good time kind of ball, but a dance kind of ball. Not that you can’t have a ball at a ball. Ha-ha! Henry also wants to ask out Violet, who has already learned texting.

Mr. Gold tells Dark Emma that he always convinced himself that he was using magic for a higher purpose, but it always leads to losing the ones you love. She tells Merida, whose heart she has stolen (literally), to take Gold out to the woods and teach him how to be a man. No, not that way. She wants him to be able to remove Excalibur. Then she starts weeping over a dreamcatcher in some room that looks like it’s decorated by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre guys. Except prettier.

Regina tells Storybrook Emma that a spell can be like venom – sometimes you need some of the poison to make the antidote. She thinks they can counteract the spell that put Merlin in the tree with another spell.

Henry and Violet are in the stables. While Violet leaves for a minute, Henry goofs around with some swords, manages to almost hurt himself and break one of the stall walls. Violet’s father, Sir Morgan, comes in and tells him he’s not good enough for his daughter.

Merida tries to teach Gold some swordsmanship, but he fails miserably. He tells her she has the wrong person for the task. She knocks him down and says she’ll have to do it herself then. She doesn’t really say that, but she might as well, considering what she has to work with.

In Storybrook, Dark Emma and Henry talk about old times. I’m not sure how many Emmas there are now. So far I’ve counted 2 dark and 1 light. Violet has lost her horse, and Henry has said he’d help find it. The horse is notorious for liking pumpkins, so they drive to Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater’s patch. Yep, he’s there.

In Camelot, Henry wants to learn how to use a sword to impress Violet and her father, but Emma tells him he’s a mysterious stranger from an exotic land, and that should be good enough.

We flash back to young Regina and her mother, Barbara Hershey. As a girl, Regina was going to run off with her first love, but her mother killed him. While remembering, when Regina starts to cry, Emma captures a teardrop to use for their anti-spell. She wonders how a mother could do such a thing to her child, and Regina says her mother thought she was doing what was best.

Henry concocts a pre-dance rendezvous for him and Violet at the diner. He pours her a soda and she thinks it’s magic, “like a carnival in a can.” Boy, is she easy to impress. Ugh! She says she just wants to be friends. I see some things always stay the same no matter what dimension you’re in. He thinks it has something to do with her father, but I think not because she looks surprised when he says that. At least she doesn’t say, it’s not you, it’s me. That’s right. Sometimes it is you.

Merida breaks into Gold’s shop and starts checking out the goods.

Hook, Belle, Regina and Robin Hood check out Excalibur. A dreamcatcher comes in the mail and Regina says they can be pretty powerful when imbued with magic.

Regina and Emma try concocting a spell using the tear, but other than a cloud of smoke, nothing happens. Emma says it’s because Regina has moved on from those days, and although she’s still heartbroken, there have been things that have eclipsed it now. In a moment of convenience, Henry comes by, and sheds a tear about Violet. Regina captures it.

Arthur arrives with a posse. He’s really pissed and wants the dagger now, but instead Emma gets that tear into the spell pronto. A load of gigantic black and white Silly String flies everywhere. Whatever she did worked, because Merlin appears. Like Hook before him, Merlin ain’t your momma’s Merlin. He’s far from an old guy with a beard in a pointy hat. Not even close.

Merlin tells Arthur he’s a disappointment and Arthur whines that Merlin ruined his life. Arthur says it’s not finished, but takes his marbles and goes home.

Instead of a ball, they’ve decided to have a carnival. Arthur says that put back together, the sword can do just about anything, but in the wrong hands, it could destroy everything. What else is new? Henry brings the horse back to Sir Morgan and Violet. Morgan changes his tune and says Henry will make a fine knight one day.

Merida says her father told her that if you want a lad to fight, you have to give him something to fight for. Apparently, she’s stolen his favorite tea cup and wants him to fight her for it. He makes a good start, but she says they have a long way to go before he can defeat Dark Emma.

Regina and Robin look into the dreamcatcher and see Violet’s memories. They see Emma take Violet’s heart, promising to bring it back once she’s broken Henry’s heart and Emma can get a tear for the spell. Unfortunately, Henry walks in while they’re eavesdropping or eaveslooking or whatever.

David says he expected Merlin to be older, and Merlin says being a tree can be good for your skin. Who knew? Merlin asks Emma if her heart is truly ready to be free from darkness.

Regina asks Dark Emma why she’s taken their memories and Mr. Gold. She tells Dark Emma that Henry saw what she did. Emma says she did it to protect Henry, and Regina says that’s what Barbra Hershey told her too, and that she’s only trying to justify being evil. Dark Emma goes off into the night.

Next week: A giant bear! A really giant bear.

The Walking Dead

Another damn alarm is going off, and half the zombies from the herd are headed for Alexandria. Rick tells Daryl to keep doing what he’s doing with his half, while the rest of them try to get the zombies moving in the right direction. One guy starts whining to Michonne that Rick is a screw up who wants them to die, and she tells him to shut up and keep moving. Oops, too late. Dude got eaten by a zombie. Michonne is more than happy to give him a sword to the head.

Rick tells Michonne and Glenn to keep going with the others, while he goes off to do…something. The group moves forward, killing zombies along the way. A couple of these guys aren’t too swift. One takes off running, which will no doubt cause a problem later. How that idiot, Nicholas, who got Noah killed last season, is still standing is beyond me.

Daryl wants to leave his zombie leading position, but Sasha and Abe tell him he’ll be putting them in bad way if he does.

Commercial break. It’s Obrecht from GH playing stewardess in Fear 462 again!

Michonne keeps a wounded dude occupied by asking about how he met his wife. He says finding her in all this has made it worth it, but I’m not so sure about that. Let’s see, zombie apocalypse or staying single for a while… They look for a car near where Noah was killed. A million cars on the street, but they can’t find one that works. Nicholas say’s “That’s Sturgis’s hat,” the guy who ran off. Oops! There’s hatless Sturgis, who is now zombie lunch Sturgis. The group enters a pet store. My first thought is, say no to puppy mills, but I guess we don’t have to worry about that now.

Glenn thinks he can distract the zombies long enough for the others to get away and set fire to a feed store. Michonne doesn’t want to leave him, but he’s insistent. For some ungodly reason, he tells Nicholas to come with him, and to lead the way. I wouldn’t trust this guy to be a movie usher and lead people to their seats, much less lead anything here.

Rick is running down an empty road and kills a couple of zombies in his way, taking a few supplies off the bodies.

Michonne wraps the wounded’s injuries. Like this is going to matter. One guy says that they should be left behind, but both Michonne and Heath are against that. Michonne asks Heath what his problem is with her. He heard Rick tell her that if anyone can’t make it, to leave them behind. She says sometimes there’s no choice and that Heath doesn’t understand that because he’s never been in that position. She asks him if he’s ever been covered in so much blood, that he doesn’t know if it’s his, the walkers’ or his friends’? That would be a no, so he finally shuts up.

Nicholas and Glenn see some have squished zombie that was a friend of Nicholas’s. Glenn has Nicholas put him out of his misery. (I mean the zombie, not Glenn.) They hear shots coming from somewhere and it’s drawing the zombies near the pet shop. Michonne says as soon as it’s clear, they’re to head to the feed store.

Rick’s running like he’s in Marathon Man, and gets in an RV. It has balloons tied on to it, so either it’s part of the plan or it’s someone’s birthday.

Back at the pet shop, a few zombies are starting to trickle in, so the group’s cover is blown. It doesn’t look too good for going outside. They go anyway, and all hell is breaking loose. The girl with them becomes a casualty. I don’t know about you, but I’ll bet I could run pretty damn fast if there was a crowd of zombies chasing me. Glenn and Nicholas get blocked by the zombie horde, while the others are trying to climb a fence. Glenn and Nicholas get trapped by zombies on both sides. Michonne and Heath make it over the fence, but wounded guy doesn’t. Does it really matter? Michonne, Heath & last other guy stand watching as wounded dude gets eaten. Hello? Either shoot him or move on. Nicholas and Glen are now trapped on top of a dumpster, surrounded by zombies. Nicholas is totally freaked and Glenn tries to get him to snap out of it. Where is Cher when you need her? Instead of doing the right thing, Nicholas shoots himself, and Glenn ends up falling into the zombies. No good deed goes unpunished.

THANKS, NICHOLAS, YOU STUPID WRETCH!

Commercial break. The host of The Talking Dead, Chris Hardwick, doesn’t know what to say and neither do I. At least Nicholas was no great loss.

Michonne, Heath and Last Dude are traveling through the woods, and see smoke in the distance. They find a creek and travel walking in it. Heath catches a glimpse of his blood-covered reflection. Some initiation.

Rick is in place in the RV, and gets on the walkie-talkie. Sasha answers him from the car, but it looks like Daryl is going off to find himself on his motorcycle. Where the gunfire is coming from, we still don’t know. A couple of armed guys bust into the RV, which wakes Daryl up from his trance and causes him to turn around. Who these guys are and what they want, we don’t know, but Rick finds a jar of baby food in one of their pockets.  Rick sees someone outside the RV and starts shooting wildly.

Great. Now the RV won’t start and zombies are coming from everywhere.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In

The Gorgas go with Joe Giudice to his late father’s home in the Catskills.  We get the lowdown that when Joe Guidice wet his pants as a kid, his mother hit him in the head with a shoe. This might explain a lot.

Teresa calls. We get way to much information about how certain “toys” are made in prison and I can’t get Teresa off the phone fast enough.

The house has an awesome outside brick oven, and they make pizzas. Rosie and Teresa’s girls have arrived to join them. In her individual interview, Melissa says she hopes they can put the past behind them and be a family again. Teresa’s brother has finally gotten the visitation okay. Joe Giudice says it’s a real hassle. He started with only being able to visit once a month, and is now up to twice. I’m almost surprised that they let him visit, since he’ll be doing time next, but I guess they make exceptions for family.

Melissa says it feels weird without Teresa, and husband Joe says he can’t wait to see her. They hadn’t exactly been getting along that well, and he’s hoping that “the old Teresa” comes out.

Joe Giudice and the girls go to a little chapel built nearby. The younger ones have difficulty reciting The Lord’s Prayer and it makes me wonder what kind of Sunday school class they attend. Teresa hunts them down even in the chapel. She’s surprised they don’t know basic prayers and says they have to start going to church every week (are these people sure they’re Italian Catholics?). It’s kind of sweet because Teresa says she’s learned in prison that you can just talk directly to God. And as I’m typing this, I’m wondering if she realizes the youngest has been told she’s at work. Maybe they told her Teresa works in the prison doing research for her next book.

Back home, Gia snaps at Joe and they have a discussion. I have to say, Joe seems like a pretty easy-going dad considering. Joe says it’s an overwhelming situation, that they have to stay strong, and he appreciates how much Gia has stepped up. They talk about things without really talking about them and I think that’s how the family has basically functioned, even before Teresa went to prison.

The next-to-youngest is shaving Joe’s back, which I assume is normally Teresa’s job. He tells her that her working for him makes her a tax deduction. That Joe! What a card! I’d be really careful with those deductions from now on if I was him.

Joe meets Teresa’s lawyer at the restaurant where she flipped the table way back in season one. The lawyer tells him they’re “chipping away” at the restitution. Meaning that the Giudice’s paychecks are garnisheed to pay back the money they stole. When Teresa gets home, she’ll be on something called “home confinement.” It’s not the same as house arrest, but there are rules as to where she can go. The lawyer asks Joe if he’s learned anything from this experience. What is this? Will there be multiple choice questions next? Yeah, he learned not to commit fraud. My guess is that whoever steered him in that direction gave him some song and dance that “everybody does it.” He claims he didn’t really know what he was doing was wrong, and I’m not so sure I totally believe that, but I do think he believed it was no harm, no foul. And I don’t think Teresa knew what was going on at all. I think he said, “Here, sign this,” and she did. I don’t think they’re bad people, just excessively ignorant.

Joe Gorga seems totally freaked about visiting Teresa. He says his body is numb and he doesn’t know how to think or feel. It’s highly unlikely I’ll ever be visiting my sister in prison, so I’ll take his word for it. Melissa says she feels badly that she can’t get on the visitation list yet. I don’t suppose we’ll be able to go along either.

You can’t wear shorts and you can’t bring in phones. Gia tells about how somebody snuck one in the prison to take a picture of Teresa and got in a heap of trouble. Teresa’s mom says “you can’t trust nobody.” Gia says the visit is probably going to be difficult for her Uncle Joe. He says they were brought up not to cry, but he spent the first hour of the visit crying. He’s tearing up now, and I feel for him. The reality has hit him pretty hard.

Everyone is pretty bummed out in the car on the way home. Joe Gorga says that if they feel that way, imagine how she must feel.

After one last check in, we see the family photo taken at the prison. Teresa is expected to be released on December 23, and Joe will begin his sentence in March of 2016.