What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
General Hospital
At Pizzulo’s, Carly wants to toast to Michael kicking Nelle to the curb. Sonny says Michael is hurting, but Carly tells him, what happens in Pizzulo’s stays in Pizzulo’s. Jordan comes by. Sonny says it’s been a long day, and she tells him it’s not over yet.
Ava can’t make sense of the files. Kiki can’t do much better. Ava says Klein used cutting edge techniques, and these are the schematics she can be healed with. Kiki adds, and a doctor who can perform the treatment.
David asks Griff about the area. He’s looking to invest in property, but with the riverfront being declared historic, he has to look elsewhere. Griff knows nothing, but David thinks a certain lady friend might know more.
Alexis offers Monica an ear if she needs to talk. Monica says she’s not sure what she’d have to say. A guy drops through the skylight, looks like her son, and claims to be her son. She tells Alexis to put her energy into helping Sam. She’s fine; she always is.
Other Jason goes to the family crypt.
Real Jason asks if he can come in. Sam steps aside but says nothing. Real Jason asks if he’s here. Sam says no, but doesn’t think it’s a good idea for him to stay. Scout starts crying, and Sam tells him that’s her daughter.
David asks how Alexis is faring since the MetroCourt party, and she says it’s been a trying couple of days. He apologizes for bowing out at the last minute, but she thinks maybe he should be glad. He wants to make it up to her. She has a lot going on right now with Sam and her ex-husband, and David says exes have way of making presence known, no matter how far the distance. She tells him not to put his life on hold for her, but something tells him she’s worth it.
Ava tells Kiki that she’s made incredible progress, but no one knows how to replicate the process. Kiki says it’s promising. Ava wonders why she can’t manage some enthusiasm. Kiki says there’s no proof it works, and Ava says she’s proof. Why can’t Kiki be supportive, or does she want Ava to stay like this?
Sam brings Scout downstairs. Real Jason says she’s beautiful, and Sam says her name is Emily Scout Morgan. He says she named her after his sister; Emily would have loved that. He thanks her.
Other Jason tells Alan the only brother he came to know is Sonny, but he’s not sure about anything anymore. There’s nothing for him there, and he doesn’t know why he came. Monica stands in the doorway.
Jordan’s not there to socialize; they have business. He posted bail for Klein, and she’d like to know why. Sonny had questions the PCPD couldn’t answer. She says Klein had better show up for his hearing, and Sonny says he walked out without a scratch. She asks if the conversation was productive. Sonny says, you show me yours, and I’ll show you mine. Carly tells her they know DNA tests were arranged, and they want to know the results.
Kiki tells Ava, of course she wants her to be whole. Ava asks if she’s sure. Maybe she likes being in charge. Kiki wonders if Ava thinks she’s worried about Ava stealing her boyfriend again. Ava says she thought she had a handle on things, but maybe she doesn’t. Kiki says she’s reinventing the gallery and has a wonderful man in her life. She battled despair, and has a great life to show for it. Ava asks how long before Griff meets someone whose face is intact and has no baggage? Kiki is surprised Ava thinks that’s the kind of man Griff is; the lack of confidence is unlike her. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Alexis, and Ava says she knows Julian is in prison, right? Kiki leaves, and Alexis asks to come in. Ava asks what it’s about, and Alexis says Julian is in trouble.
Jordan tells Carly that everyone wants to know which man has the rightful claim to be Jason, but there won’t be any advance notice. Carly says the longer it’s dragged out, the harder it is on everyone, especially Jake Doe. Jordan notes that Carly has already changed his name. Carly says he needs to see the results; it’s the only way he’ll accept the truth. Jordan says there are a lot of assumptions going around, and they’ll get the results when they get them. She tells them not to go running to Dante either. She doesn’t want the past or their relationship interfering with the case they’re building against Klein and his men. They need to find out who’s in charge, and she asks if Sonny knows. Sonny says Klein called the person in front of him, but it was a burner phone. He does know the call originated from Port Charles.
Real Jason says Sam finally has a little girl and Danny has a little sister. Sam says Danny is absolutely in love with her, and named her. He’d wanted a puppy to name Scout, but named the baby instead. She tells him about how the Quartermaines ended up with the dog, and he and Danny get in all kinds of trouble together. Real Jason says Carly told him, but he was kind of distracted. He tells her what matters is, she has two beautiful children and she’s happy.
Monica tells Other Jason that the groundskeeper said someone nosing around. He asks what if he was burglar, but she saw his motorcycle. He apologizes, and she says don’t; he’s always welcome there. He says she might change her mind when she hears what he has to say. She asks if it has anything to do with the man who dropped through the skylight, and Other Jason asks if they’ve met. She says no, and she’s glad, since she wouldn’t know what to do. Other Jason says he says he’s Jason. Monica asks what he says, and he tells her he’d never lie to her. She says he’s her son, and always will be. They hug, and Other Jason says, the thing is, he might be her son too.
Kiki asks David for his help.
Alexis tells Ava that Julian is in trouble, and Ava says what else is new? Alexis tells her that he’s alone with no one to back him up. Scotty alerted her to a certain faction being after him, and Ava says that happens in prison. Alexis wonders why she doesn’t seem to care. Ava says she tried to visit him twice, and he refused. He won’t take her calls or email, and won’t use the money she puts in the commissary for him. Alexis says he was beaten badly, and she needs to do something. She says Ava knows people who can help him. Ava asks with what, paintings and sculptures. Alexis says Ava isn’t exactly a law-abiding citizen, and had wanted to take over the organization. She can call in a favor. Ava says she has nothing; she left that life behind. Alexis is a lawyer, and better equipped to deal with it. Ava wonders if Alexis is worried she’ll send the wrong message – or the right one. She’s still in love with him.
Sonny tells Jordan that the voice was altered, but when Klein wanted help, his boss cut him loose, and said he’s on his own from now on. Jordan asks if Sonny is still in possession of the phone, and he says he’ll see if he can find it. She tells him it’s not a trophy; it’s evidence in the shootings and a murder. Carly says the chain of evidence has already been broken. The best they can hope for is to get more information, and build a case. Sonny wonders why he pays Diane when he has Carly. Carly says for all they know, the phone was misplaced. Sonny says he’ll look for it, and if he finds it, he’ll send it over asap. Jordan understands that it’s personal; some is screwing with their friends, but when Sonny goes it alone, people get killed.
Jordan leaves, and Carly asks Sonny if he’s sure the boss is in Port Charles, and if Real Jason knows. Sonny says he was there, and seems fine, better than he would be. Carly feels like she betrayed him. She forced Sonny to accept Jake Doe, like she forced Jake Doe to accept he was Jason, and it turned out not to be true. Sonny says whatever happened is still happening, and it’s not her fault. She feels worse for Jason and Jake Doe. Jason’s entire life was taken over by someone else, and Jake Doe is realizing his life was never his own.
Other Jason tells Monica about the twins, and how Heather took one baby, and placed the other with Betsy. Monica says Alan had a child he didn’t know about because of that gold digging tramp and her lunatic cousin. Other Jason says he’ll find answers, whatever they may be. Monica says she’ll do everything she can to help. He has to get back, since he told Sam that he was clearing his head. She tells him that she overheard what he was saying, but there is something there for him – his home and her. She kisses his hand.
Sam has no idea how two men can think they’re the same person, and neither does Real Jason. When he saw her and Other Jason together, he had no idea Other Jason thought he was Real Jason. He woke up in a clinic where they’d been drugging him, and he lost track of time. He was stuck in wheelchair, parked in front of a window where he sat for hours, thinking of how to escape, and get back to her and Danny. He’s glad Danny’s not Franco’s son, and will never have to deal with what Franco did. Real Jason says he would love him no matter what. In his heart Danny is theirs no matter what. He wanted to tell her that; he needed her to know.
Ava tells Alexis it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Alexis asks if Julian being targeted by jailhouse thugs concerns her at any level. She tells Ava to stop digging at her and care. Ava says there’s nothing she can do, and tells Alexis to toughen up and handle her own problems. Doesn’t she have a sponsor to help figure things out?
Sam asks how Real Jason got to Port Charles, and he says another patient at the clinic helped him – Ava Jerome. Sam says Ava is he aunt, and he says she told him her brother was Sam’s father. She asks if he knows anything about the Jeromes, but he says they were played out by the time Sonny took over. Sam explains that Julian met her mother at bar in New Hampshire when he was in college, and she was in high school. Alexis got pregnant in the back seat of a car, and years later, he came back. He was part of the witness protection program, and went by the name Derek Wells. He figured out that he was her father, and he and Alexis fell back in love, if you can call it that. Sam says he’s an abusive pig, and lied to Alexis and made her lie for him. He held a knife to her throat, and almost killed her. He’s in prison now for other crimes, but he broke her. She almost lost her career and started drinking. She’s in recovery, but will struggle for the rest of her life because of him. Real Jason says he’s sorry, and Sam says Alexis still loves him. It’s the kind of love that just is. You can’t stop feeling it, can’t deny it, and can’t shut it down. All you can do is choose not to act on it, and accept the reality that the person you’ll always love can’t be in your life. Scout fusses, and Sam asks him to tend to her while she gets whatever. He picks her up. You know what’s going to happen, right? He says he was almost her father.
Carly thinks they should contact Sam’s husband, and let him know what they know. Sonny says they need to bring him back in the loop, and Carly says he shouldn’t have been left out of it; it must be overwhelming. The both realize they haven’t talked to him since Sam was in the hospital. Carly wants to call him, but doesn’t know what to say. He thinks they stabbed him in the back. He might not be Jason, but he’s still their friend. Sonny says he’s always been loyal, and never done them wrong. They can’t abandon him,
Real Jason tells Scout about her big sister, Lila, who’s in heaven. He says she never got a chance to be in the world and do the cool things Scout will. Her mom never held her, but loved her, and so did he. Lila brought him and Sam together. She gave them a reason to be patient with each other, to understand and forgive and have a chance to fall in love – the kind of love that just is. Yep. Other Jason walks in and says get away from his daughter or he’s going to kill him.
Ava looks at the laptop and wonders what happened to the research/ A lightbulb comes on over her head, and she says, Kiki.
Kiki shows David and Griff the flash drive. She says obviously it’s over her head, and she wanted it reviewed without her mother around, so she didn’t feel pressured to tell her what she wants to hear. David says the research is sound, and it’s groundbreaking, but it’s untested. Kiki says it worked on her mom, and supposedly other people. Griff says they didn’t operate under any supervision, and there was no peer review. They don’t know what side effects might occur. David says they’re sympathetic, but can’t help. It basically amounts to voodoo, and no doctor in their right mind would get involved
Monica remembers saying that she had to let go of who she wanted her son to be, and love the man he’s become, and that she wants a relationship with her son.
Sam comes back from the kitchen, saying she was just getting a bottle. Other Jason says Real Jason will stay away from his family. Carly and Sonny show up, and Other Jason says their friend was just leaving. Sam says they can’t keep doing this.
Ava sees Griff, and asks if he’s seen Kiki. He asks if she’s looking for her daughter, or this, showing her the flash drive. Ava asks if Kiki told him what’s on it, and he says she showed it to David in hopes they could finish the work. She asks what the verdict is. He says they reviewed Klein’s notes. Neither of them are experts on the subject, but they agree that moving forward would be a bad idea. It’s a gamble for both the patient and the doctor. She says she doesn’t need any doctor, just the one she’s looking at – him.
On the phone, Alexis requests a visit with Olivia Jerome. She listens, then asks for her attorney, and says, contact Nora.
Sam tells everyone that Scout is at the Quartermaines, and they have to figure out way to deal. What they’re doing isn’t working. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Jordan, and she’s like, oh good, everyone is here. Other Jason asks why she’s there, and she says they ran separate DNA tests on both individuals claiming to be Jason Morgan. She has the results
Monica remembers Real Jason talking about when he woke up and things didn’t make sense. She tells him she loves him, and he says he loves her too. She touches Alan’s plaque, and says she could be on the verge of a miracle. She wishes he was around to witness it.
Other Whiny Jason tells Jordan they didn’t have his permission for a test. She says they didn’t need it. It’s a matter of public safety. They can’t have two guys running around saying they’re the same person. Sonny says they just want answers. She tells them they had the tests double-checked, and the test confirms Other Jason is Jason Morgan, and Real Jason is also a match. Everyone stares at her.
On Monday, Nora meets with Alexis, Maxie tells Lulu she has an idea to solve their problems, and Scotty asks Franco who the real Jason is.
Once Upon a Time
Today, Henry says the photograph is supposed to be a scene from his book, with Roni as the Evil Queen; he doctored the picture. Roni says Victoria is screwing with them. Jacinda blows in, but I get interrupted, and she blows out in the one and a half minutes I’m not listening. Henry is like what was that, and Roni says this is all the magic she’s got, and clinks beer bottles with him.
In the other realm, Henry teaches Cinderella about a torque wrench. A group of ruffians appears, and says, oh wow, look at the magic chariot. Henry figures they want to kill them, and take said chariot, and the head thug says he’s smarter than he looks. Henry says, too bad you’re not, and the fight starts. Regina appears, and says get away from her son, fireball at the ready, but he and Cinderella are doing fine for themselves. They win the fight, and Henry tells Regina they’re fine thanks to this, and shows her his lunchbox. She says she got it for him when he was ten, and here he is with a sword, motorcycle, and girl. He suggests she come along, but she says she’s busy. He doesn’t need his mother around all the time anymore, and obviously can take care of himself.
In Seattle, Ivy asks Victoria is she’s okay. She has a migraine. Ivy thinks maybe the flowers triggered it, and says she’ll remove them. She brings them to the secret room. The witch grabs them, saying she can’t wait. They have the tiniest seed of the magic required, but need fertile ground. She tells Ivy to be patient, and remember how they survive. Ivy closes her eyes, and imagines her mother’s destruction, which I guess is her happy place. The witch says Veronica isn’t the only one to be wary of. It might not have been wise to give Regina the photo. Ivy says by the end of the day, she won’t be a problem.
Henry shows Roni pictures of him on social media, having a drink with Ivy. That’s probably what Lucinda was in and out about. Lucy runs in, and wants to see the picture of Henry and Regina. She remembers reading the scene in his book, and says Roni is Regina. She adopted Henry in the real world in Boston. Roni says give it up; the picture is fake. Lucy says Henry never gave up, and she won’t either. Regina will break the curse. She just has to remember, and Lucy knows exactly how to do it.
Weaver is feeling better after getting shot, and wants to go back to work, but Rogers says the captain wants him to stick it out for a week. Weaver says he’ll deal with the captain, and tells Rogers to watch his phone. He might have errands for him. Rogers asks Tilly what Weaver does when he needs her help, and she says, buy her lunch.
As they walk down the street, Henry tells Roni that she’s been quiet since Lucy dropped the Regina bomb. She says she did try to adopt once, but at the last minute the agency thought she wasn’t a good fit. He says she seems like mom to a lot of people around there. She thinks that if they pretend to believe Lucy, it will stop her from being defensive. The sooner the fantasy fades, the sooner things will get better. Henry calls it Operation Heartbreak. They see the food truck, and Roni tells Henry to ask Lucina out – be charming and don’t slouch.
In the enchanted forest, Regina sees a hooded figure. The figure picks up a fancy box, and opens it. Tree branches come snaking out and she drops it. The branches get bigger, and it turns into a giant Venus flytrap, kind of like Audrey Jr. in Little Shop of Horrors, but prettier. It begins to envelop the figure, and Regina gets a fireball ready. She throws it at the flytrap and destroys it. She says be careful about strange magic. The figure removes its hood, and it’s Drizella. Regina says she should have let that thing eat her; she tried to kill her son. Drizella says she’s through doing things for her mother. Regina thought she was marrying the prince, but Drizella says that wasn’t her choice. She says she was born with magic, but never allowed to cultivate it. If she can’t use her own magic, she’ll use someone else’s. Regina understands. She also had a controlling mother. She says perhaps she can help, but Drizella doesn’t need to steal it. She can use the gift she was born with.
Ivy brings a mound of earth to the witch, who says she’s been under Victoria’s thumb for too long. She messes with the dirt and something grows out of it. It’s Groot! Not really. Ivy says it’s perfect, and the witch says it’s dangerous. Ivy says they’ll see if Regina is as powerful as she thinks she is, and puts pieces of it in a jar.
Jacinda works on the truck. Henry holds a boombox. He says last time he was single, mix tapes worked when he wanted to ask a girl out. She asks if he’s asking her out. He babbles about John Hughes movies, saying he feels the need to explain himself with her. He can’t stop thinking about her. She says he has seen a lot of John Hughes movies. She has a daughter, a business, and no time. He says he has nothing but, and if she gets some, he’d like to take her on a date. She says what about now? Mix tapes always work. He can help her with the truck. They both roll underneath it.
Roni finds Lucy. Lucy tells her when Henry needed magic the most, a book showed up for him, and when they touch it, they remember who they are. Roni says if she grabbed it, she’d remember being a queen? She’d love to believe it, and knows enough to know she doesn’t know everything. She suggests they prove this thing together. Lucy hugs her.
Regina gives Drizella magic lessons. Drizella thinks she’s wasting Regina’s time. Regina says she just needs the right motivation. Rocks start to fall from the mountain above them, and Drizella stops them. She didn’t think she could do it, or it was even possible. Regina says if she believes in herself, it is. She’s a lot like Regina was, but she didn’t have the right guide. Her power came from anger and hate. She did terrible things, and cast a dark curse. Drizella asks if she got what she wanted, and Regina says for a while, but she wanted the wrong things. The only thing that’s truly made her happy was her son Henry. Drizella wishes she had a mother like Regina. Don’t we all? says Rumpelstiltskin, who is suddenly on the scene.
Roni gives Weaver some booze as a get-well gift. She asks if he can find out if a woman applied to adopt a baby. Her name is Regina Mills. Weaver asks what would make him want to take this on? Roni says she’ll owe him one. He says they have a deal.
Tilly asks for a rematch while she and Rogers chat. She asks about Eloise Gardener. Rogers says she was a normal kid up until she disappeared. She was an amateur poet; fearless, but something spooked her. He shows Tilly the rune in the journal. He says all that matters is that she disappeared. Tilly says take a good look at the board. What pieces doesn’t he have? What does he need to pay attention to, to find himself on a different path that leads to Eloise?
Weaver goes to Roni’s, and tells her there was a Regina Mills who adopted a baby boy in Boston. She says that’s impossible; she didn’t think it was going to work. Weaver wonders why she’d ask for help, and she says she wanted information, not to be interrogated. He gives her an envelope with all the information, saying what are friends for if not favors? She owes him one.
Regina tells Rumpel that all those years went by in the blink of an eye for them, and he lived a lifetime with Belle. He says they lived a good life; she made him a new man. He’s finally ready to pass on the path of the Dark One the right way. He says change is inevitable. Regina says tell her about it; her son no longer needs her. He asks about Drizella, and she says Drizella has raw talent. She needs to get on the right path, and stand up to her mother. Rumpel wonders why Lady Tremaine would want Drizella to learn magic.
Drizella looks in a mirror and sees her mother standing over Anastasia. Lady Tremaine reaches in and takes out Anastasia’s heart. Regina says she’s practicing for waking her up. She nearly ripped out her son’s heart. The only way to wake her is to replace her heart, and Drizella thinks it’s going to be her who provides the replacement. She always knew her mother loved Anastasia more, but didn’t realize how much until now. She says she’ll never be free. Regina says she’ll help; she can protect her heart. Drizella asks Regina to help her kill her mother. Regina says she can’t let her go down that dark path. Drizella says she thought Regina cared, and Regina tells her that’s why she’s saying no. Drizella says that sounds like what her mother told her, and if she’s not going to help, she knows a prince who will.
Rogers looks at the paperwork of the dude with the rune tattoo. He goes to his house. When there’s no answer, he looks through the window, and sees the guy lying on the floor. He breaks in.
Roni looks at the adoption papers; She writes Regina Mills, and compares it to the signature. They look the same.
Lady Tremaine is hovering over Anastasia, and Drizella comes in, dragging along Prince Gregory. He says he won’t let her harm his bride, and suddenly freezes. Regina appears, saying she doesn’t want to do this. Drizella says she tried to get her mother to love her, but she’s never going to. Regina tells her not to kill Lady Tremaine, but Drizella says she didn’t bring Gregory to kill her. She opens the fancy box, and the tree thing pops out, spearing Gregory. Drizella says she’s giving her mother what she wants. Regina asks her what she’s done. What is she so afraid of that’s turned her heart black?
Drizella tells her mother she failed. Lady Tremaine asks if she wants congratulations, and Drizella says she wants her to suffer. She threatens a dark curse, and Regina tells her a curse is never worth the cost. Drizella is going to transport her mother to another realm, and plant the seed of pain in her life. It will start small, but it will grow until everything she sees, every breath is pain. Regina tries to get her to listen. She wanted to help, but she’ll do whatever it takes to stop her. Heroes can always break curses. Drizella says then she’ll make hers unbreakable, and thanks Regina for the final lesson. She disappears, poof! in a cloud of purple smoke.
Ivy goes to Roni’s, insisting they have a top-shelf drink. Roni says what she found out had better be good. Ivy says it’s about what Roni found. She needed Roni to go on an adventure. What if Henry’s fairytales were true? Roni asks if Ivy put something in her drink. She starts to remember Storybrooke, and she’s like, omg. Ivy says, welcome back, Regina.
Roni says, Drizella, and Drizella asks if she missed her. She tells Roni she has no magic yet. It was just enough to wake her up. Henry calls, but Drizella says she wouldn’t answer yet. Roni is foggy, and Drizella tells her to give it a minute. It all starts coming back. Drizella reminds her that she said she’d make her curse hero-proof. She tells Regina to remember what she did before the curse, and why she can’t allow it to be broken. If it is, something very bad happens to the people she loves. She should be proud; the student surpassed the master, the sign of a great teacher. Roni asks if she wants a gold star or did she wake her to gloat. Drizella says she needs help. She’s on the verge of showing her mother what true suffering is, and she can’t break the curse now. Roni says, Cinderella, and Drizella tells her to do whatever it takes to stop true love’s kiss from happening. It shouldn’t be too hard for the Evil Queen. Breaking hearts is what she’s best at. Drizella leaves, and Roni cries.
Regina tells Henry that she came to help him. She thought he needed it, but he’s not kid anymore. He left Storybrooke, and can fight his own battles, and he has Ella. Henry says he still needs her. He can take care of bullies and brigands, but will always need her. She says she needs him. Living in Storybrooke without him isn’t worth anything. Whatever else she’s supposed to do with her life, she’s his mother first. She hugs him.
Sitting on a bench, Roni looks at the picture of her and Henry. Henry joins her, and says she’ll be happy to know things with Jacinda went well. They’re going to see where it goes. He asks how things are going with Lucy, and Roni thinks maybe it would help if she knew more about him, like his mother’s name. He says he was born in prison, just like his character, but he was never adopted; he grew up in the system, like Emma in his book. It used to bother him that no one liked he book, but he thinks he wrote it for himself. He dreamt of having a mother, and found a way to get her. Roni says she’s glad they’re getting to know each other, and Henry says he is too.
Next time, a two-hour episode, Rapunzel gets tangled up in the story, a trip to Wonderland, an astounding revelation, and Roni confronts Weaver about Rumpel.
Z Nation
A service is held for Lucy. She’s on a funeral pyre, her body covered, wearing a crown of flowers. Murphy say he’s sorry. Doc says they loved her from the moment she clawed her way into this world. She wove her way in and out of their journey, and was a bright spot in world of darkness; freaky, but a bright spot. In the short time she was alive, she damn near saved world. As another doctor once said, let’s not cry because she’s’ gone, but smile because she was here. 10K lights the pyre. Zombies throw themselves on it.
They stop on the road. Doc wonders what stinks. It smells like old French fries and zombie fish sticks. Roberta tells him it’s grease for fuel, and they’re lucky to have it. Murphy says they’ve got company, and a lone zombie ambles toward them. Murphy starts walking. Roberta tells Doc that he has something to work out. He whacks it, and keeps on whacking. Then he stomps on it.
They hear someone yelling for help. Roberta says keep going, but Murphy wants to stop. A sign says Mystery Hill Carnival, but the Carnival is changed to Carnevil. Roberta tells Murphy to never get tout of the boat, but he wants to kill some bad guys. She says no good can come of this, and he says no good comes from anything.
Doc say it’s the world’s saddest carnival. Zombies grapple at the bottom of Ferris wheel, and a woman is tied to one of the seats. Doc says it’s not the zombies that make the apocalypse suck, it’s the people. The woman says they tied her there and left her for the Z’s. The zombies clamor at the fence; they’re wearing clown greasepaint. Doc distracts them, calling them over to car. Murphy works to get the woman down. Doc locks the zombies in the car, telling them hands and teeth inside the ride at all times. A stray zombie nearly gets Doc, but Murphy stabs it through the neck. The woman asks if they’re done playing around.
Roberta says she’ll live, and she wants to get back on the road. Murphy wants to know what happened. They can hear people inside the building. The woman babbles, and Murphy says he’s putting a stop to it. Roberta tells him it won’t bring Lucy back, or Red, or any of the others. 10k thinks Murphy is right, and follows. Doc thinks they’ll need help, and leaves too.
It’s a pretty ratty looking place. Doc sees a giant mushroom, and is glad 10K sees it too; he thought he was having flashbacks. Lily tells Roberta that Murphy has PZT, Post Zombie Trauma, bad. She says she’s not going in there. If she does, she’ll become a part of it, and she doesn’t want to. The woman carries on, asking if they have any Zagnuts, and saying she’s thirsty. Doc says it sounds like a lot of people in there, and Murphy says the more, the better. Roberta has joined them, and says it’s not their fight. She wants them to go, but Murphy says the apocalypse isn’t an excuse. She says those are humans, and even if they’re bad, there aren’t many left. The woman gripes to lily, and says she keeps the party going. She reminisces about good times, as Lily bandages her arm. She tells a long story, and it’s like when a drunk person tells a story and it’s only funny to them.
Murphy sees a couple of guys in makeup, and says it’s mad Z’s. 10K says, it’s not mad Z’s; it’s mad clowns. Doc tells them it could be worse. They could be mimes. The two guys are teasing a zombie they have buried up to its neck, reminding me of Motel Hell (highly recommended – It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent’s fritters).
Lily asks what’s with the circus crap, and the woman explains that they wanted to form their own posse, like their heroes, the Juggalos, except they wanted their own thing, and call themselves the Zuggalos. She says they’re all family, and family always comes back. They’re better together. She suddenly doesn’t feel well, and wants her medicine from inside. Lily finds out it’s oxy the woman wants. She’d thought they ran out of that years ago, but the woman says they recycled it. They’re all so full of drugs, they filter their urine, dry it out, and snort it. It’s called Z-Wack. She asks Lily if she parties, but Lily says no; the apocalypse numbs her brain enough. The woman accuses Lily of thinking she’s better than they are, and then invites Lily in, saying they have Zagnuts and Fritos. And music, because life ain’t worth livin’ without it. They also have solar power. King knows how to work all that, but she’s going to kill him for disrespecting her. She tells Lily she’s just messing with her, but she’ll mess him up for sure.
Murphy says he’s seen enough, and stomps over to the men. Roberta tries to stop him, but the clowns notice, and one shoots at them. Murphy pushes Roberta out of the way, and goes after them with his cane sword. Roberta sees the landscape in her mind. She tells Murphy don’t do this, but it’s too late. Clowns come out of everywhere, with guns drawn. They’re not like regular circus clowns, but weird. And not weird like Pennywise, but more like Insane Clown Posse or Twisty.
King welcomes them to his humble home, and Dark Carnival of Mayhem. He says let the games begin, and Doc don’t think he means parcheesi. 10K is put on the Wheel of Sudden Death, and a guy throws a knife at him. He hits the clown spinning the wheel, and they both laugh. Alrighty then. Doc is getting balls thrown at his head, which is through a hole photo board picture. King announces they also have high tech torture, and we see Murphy in some kind of high voltage booth. They shock him, and King says it’s set to wussy and not even cranked up yet. Roberta plays a “drink for your life” game with King, where he asks her obscure music questions. If she’s wrong, she has to drink, and Murphy gets shocked. To everyone’s surprise, she gets the first question right. The next one is a trick question, and she gets a right answer, but not the right answer.
The woman asks Lily how long they’re waiting, and what if they don’t come back? They’re in a house full of knuckleheads on drugs. She notes how quiet it is, and says that’s when you worry. Someone yells, and she says that’s better. Lily tells her stay put; they tried to kill her. She says all the more reason she shouldn’t be left alone. Lily says to stick close and be quiet.
Everyone watches the drinking game. Doc gets himself free.
Roberta knows some rap lyrics, and they all get crazy.
A zombie grabs the woman. Lily incapacitates it, and the woman beats its head in. She says it was a friend of hers, and takes its weapon.
Doc wanders into an unfinished part of the house, and one of the clowns sees him. Doc gets backed into a corner. He sees a gun on the floor, and grabs it. He shoots, and a flag that says, Bang! pops out. That was pretty funny. The clown disappears, and Doc continues on, but it drops down from the ceiling behind him. He makes a run for Doc, who steps aside, and the clown goes out the window.
King and Roberta have a rap battle. Lily looks in the window, and tells the woman what’s happening inside. She wants to go in, and Lily tries to stop her, but is unsuccessful. Doc frees 10K, who tells him that Roberta is kicking King’s ass at the mic. King calls Roberta his Zuggalo queen, and the clowns start chanting, wedding, and then, Warren. They all raise their cups, and Murphy chants along with them. Doc asks 10K if he wants to crash a wedding. A clown with a gun stops them, and he says they’re with the bride.
Everyone is in greasepaint, and a clown with a top hat performs the eternal bonds of unholy matrimony. When they get to the “forever hold your peace” part, everyone looks at Murphy. The clown officiant says they’ve shared beats and their two lives are coming together to celebrate in grand family tradition, before God, the devil, and men. He says they’ll be sharing in the blood rite, the ceremonial exchange of pinkies, and later, a sharing of the bride. The woman shoots the officiant, and Lily is like, whoa. The woman looks at Roberta, and says she’s beautiful. Her baby is getting married. King says, aw, mom. The woman holds her gun on Lily.
The woman asks what kind of son he is. She breastfed him until he was five, and this is how he treats her? King says they were just messing around. They were going to get her down. She tells him just because he’s playing king doesn’t mean he is. He whines that she’s never there for him, and she says he’s the center of her universe. Murphy tries to give them advice, and gets zapped. The woman says his daddy would have wanted him to respect his momma, and King suggests they ask him. A decrepit zombie is wheeled out. The woman complains that King was getting married without inviting either one of them. She tries to touch him, and he snaps at her.
King asks if he should be head of the he’s ready to become king clown and run the clan; a grunt for yes, and nothing for no. It’s a yes, and the woman asks if she should run the clan, and there’s silence. She goes nuts, and jumps on King’s back. He flips her onto a table. He says he knew she’d like Roberta, and she breaks a glass jar over his head. While they’re wrestling, Murphy escapes his shackles. King pins down his mother, and says he hates her. She says she never wanted him, and he asks if she can’t be a normal mom for once. Because they’re wearing metal, Murphy is able to shock them. He tells King to stop trying to kill his mom; it’s hard being a parent today. King says she tried to kill him, and Murphy says she cares about him, but she’s conflicted. He was selfish prick, and when his daughter was born, he wanted something for someone else. His little girl is gone, but they still have each other; don’t mess it up. King says it’s her fault. Murphy says to stop putting up walls, and listen to her. The woman says that’s the problem; he doesn’t listen. Murphy zaps them.
Murphy says she needs to see King for who he is; he’s not a little boy any more. At least she got to see him grow up. He never got to see Lucy grow up. He never saw her for who she was. And she’d needed him to see that. Her son needs her to see that. The woman says if he doesn’t get his clown ass of her back, she’ll beat him. Murphy shocks them good. Roberta whacks a wandering clown with a chair. King is able to get up, but his mom is down for the count. No, wait, she’s up as a zombie.
Chaos starts to happen, as clowns turn into zombies. Murphy says this is bad, even for them. Roberta says it’s time to GTFO.
King limps outside, and gets in the car full of zombies. Oh well.
The gang gets back to their truck. Roberta tells Murphy he was right. He says, about what, and she says about Lucy. What happened was her fault. She doesn’t know what they’re doing. These visions, or whatever she’s having, are leading them nowhere, and she still doesn’t know what it means. She can’t have anyone following her until she figures it out. They’re heading to Newmerica.
Next time, zombie nuns and a zombie bishop – Doc prays for a miracle.
Quotes of the Week
Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns. – George Eliot (Me too!)
Do the scary thing first, and get scared later. – Lemony Snicket
People generally see what they look for, and hear what they listen for. – Harper Lee
All that pleases is but for a moment. All that troubles is but for a moment. That only is important which is eternal. – carved above the arches at the entrance to the Milan Cathedral
Milan Cathedral
What I Watched - TV With Theresa 