Category Archives: Lisa Vanderpump

March 15, 2016 — GH, BH, Haves, Nots & Wrong Loving

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Such a great episode yesterday! It’s opened the door to so many new storylines. Leave it to Helena to stir the pot, even after death. And I don’t care if Nicholas buried her in the backyard, I still say she’ll never die. Her and Faison.

Ava is talking to an unconscious Kiki. She says Kiki always did the opposite of what Ava asked her to and says maybe she should tell Kiki to stay asleep.

Sonny visits Morgan in the hospital.

Valerie sees Dante. She somehow managed to make it to graduation. Dante tells her that he and Lulu are back together.

Laura ponders Helena’s key. She says if she were smart, she’d throw it into the harbor and forget about it. Nicholas asks if that’s what she’s going to do and she says, nope.

Julian is speaking on the phone, conferring with someone to sabotage the Crimson issue. Alexis comes into his office with the dagger.

Anna tells Griffin it’s because of Duke that he’s been following her. He asks how she knew. Did she have a baby with Duke she doesn’t know about? Hey, could happen. Remember Vicki on One Life to Live?

Ava tells Kiki she loves her. She says she doesn’t care if Kiki ever talks to her again, as long as she talks to someone.

Morgan says he doesn’t want to see Sonny or anyone.

Laura says no matter what, the key will come back to haunt her. Nicholas says that’s what Helena wants, for them to look over their shoulders for what’s coming next. Laura says she succeeded. Nicholas tells Hayden he hopes she didn’t change her mind about marrying him and she says of course not. They talk about ELQ and he says she’s the only one who can help defend him against a Quartermaine onslaught.

Dante says he knows Valerie is seeing someone too. She says the jury is still out. He says Jordan doesn’t seem like a fan. Valerie says Jordan told her Curtis used to be a coke addict.

Curtis calls Hayden and says it’s an emergency.

Julian takes the dagger from Alexis. She asks if Nina is there and he says he’s waiting to go over some stuff with her.

Griffin’s middle name is Hugh which is a Lavery family name. Anna asks if he’s related to Duke and he says yes. He’s Duke’s son.

Dante asks Valerie if she’s still going to see Curtis. She says maybe, and that everyone makes mistakes and she wouldn’t want to be measured by hers forever. She says she appreciates his concern but her personal life isn’t his business. He has a nerve too, considering he’s been no angel.

Hayden says she’s going out for a while and Nicholas should focus on Laura.

Alexis says she’s had a strange day. Julian says, obviously. She says the dagger has brought the memories of her mother’s murder back. Can I put in a request for flashbacks?

Sonny gives Morgan a tablet, so he can communicate with everyone. Morgan says why, he has nothing to say. He asks about Kiki and Sonny says she’s surrounded by people who will help her get better, like Morgan is. Morgan says he’ll never get better.

Ava calls the nurse in because Kiki said something. She goes nuts on the nurse and demands to see the doctor.

Anna asks if Duke knew about Griffin. He says he never met Duke, and his mother was deeply religious and it would upset her to talk about him. When she died, she left him a letter. It wasn’t a serious relationship, and Duke never knew she was pregnant, but by the time she caught up to him, he was already in love with Anna and she decided not to say anything. Anna feels badly that because of her, Griffin never knew his father and Duke didn’t know he had a son.

Anna says Griffin must hate her. He says no, She asks why he didn’t just approach her. He says he didn’t know how to and she’s the only one who can help him get to know his father. She tells him that Duke was the casualty of a mob war. They were going to leave town and start over, but before they could, he was ambushed. She says she’s doing everything she can to bring his killer to justice. Griffin has to go back to the hospital and leaves, forgetting the letter.

Julian says he can only imagine the trauma. Alexis says she repressed it and tried to kill Helena later, but that didn’t happen. She says she hates being a Cassadine. He says he can sympathize having grown up in the Jerome family, but he’s moved past it and they’re moving forward with their own family. Alexis says their demons are in the past.

Hayden asks Curtis what the emergency is. He’s found an apartment and needs a co-signer. She says she was in the middle of something important with her husband He says the husband that tried to kill her.

Laura thinks the key looks like it belongs to a piece of furniture.

Morgan says he doesn’t even have a reason to get out of bed. Sonny says it’s not forever and as soon as the doctors find the right meds combo, he can come home and live a normal life. Morgan is skeptical.

Ava tells Griffin that Kiki hasn’t woken up, but no one can tell her why she hasn’t woken up yet. Griffin says her vitals are better, but they don’t have an estimated time and any answer he gave her would be a guess. Ava says Kiki spoke again. Griffin says he’s going to examine her to see if there are any changes.

Alexis says Olivia’s hearing is tomorrow and she’s going to have to work on the case all night. Julian says he knows she has it all sewn up, but he knows she didn’t come there for moral support, so whats’ up?

Valerie says she looks forward to the day she and Dante can put everything behind them. She says when she first came to Port Charles, she was excited about having family, and she’ll always care about both Dante and Lulu.

Hayden says no negativity about Nicholas, he’s having a rough time having been cut out of Helena’s will. She co-signs and says she expects to be paid back in service’s rendered. Curtis drinks out of an empty coffee cup. Look, actors, if the director won’t tell you this, I will, because you keep making the same mistake. Even if it really has nothing in it, at least make it look like the cup is a little heavy. It’s called “acting.”

Nicholas asks Laura why she doesn’t get rid of the key and deny Helena any more of her emotional effort and time. She says whatever Helena has put into motion, the consequences are still waiting for her and even beyond the grave, Helena is still playing her twisted games.

Anna reads the letter. Griffin’s mother says she was very young and in love, and that Duke lived a life very different from her own. She says once Griffin was born, she realized she should track him down, but by then he was with Anna, and she saw right away they had a bond she didn’t want to interfere with. She says she missed him every day, but Griffin lessened the pain and she knew she’d never be alone.

Sonny says if he could take away Morgan’s pain, he would, but in a way he’s glad Morgan is feeling it. That means he’s dealing with things. He promises Morgan it will pass and he’ll get through it. He says Morgan won’t go through it alone and he has a lot of people rooting for him. They’ll get through it together.

Griffin says there are indications of increased brain activity and he thinks Kiki will wake up soon. He says he knows Ava feels helpless, but surrounding Kiki with love and support is the best thing she can do. Ava says she’s not sure her presence comforts Kiki, since she hasn’t been so selfless in the past. Griffin says she doesn’t need to wonder what to do; she’s already doing it. Anna listens from outside the door.

Hayden leaves and Curtis sees Valerie. He says she’s just in time to help him celebrate getting his new apartment.

Anna gives Griffin the letter. He asks if she read it and Anna says yes. He says good, he didn’t want her to fault his mother for keeping him from Duke. Griffin says he’s not even sure if Duke would have wanted him. Anna says he would have, that he was a wonderful step-father. She tells him they tried to have their own child, but she lost it. and she was always sorry he didn’t have a child of his own. She says she’d like to give him a window for how Duke would have treated him.

Alexis wants press coverage of the hearing and Julian says he’ll provide it. She says they’re going to have every nursing mother within a 20 mile radius there. Julian hopes the mayor doesn’t have a heart attack.

Ava continues to talk to Kiki, saying she wishes she knew how to help. Kiki says “Morgan” again. Bleh.

Morgan says all he does it hurt people and even if he gets better, there’s nothing he can do for Kiki. Sonny’s phone rings and it’s Ava. She asks if he’s with Morgan. Ava tells Sonny that Kiki is showing signs of waking up and she’s asking for Morgan. She asks if Morgan can talk to Kiki. She thinks it might help.

Laura says Helena loved games and wonders if she’s hidden something in plain site.

Hayden says that Nicholas didn’t end up with nothing; he still has the lovely portrait. Nicholas says don’t remind him. Hayden says let’s go upstairs

Curtis says maybe he and Valerie can have a second date if Jordan hasn’t scared her off.

Anna tells Griffin that Duke lives on in his son, a doctor and a man who saves lives. She says Duke would have been enormously proud of him.

Sonny tells Morgan if he wants to help Kiki, now’s the time. Morgan gets on the phone and Ava puts it by Kiki’s ear. She says his name again. He asks if it’s her and she wakes up. She asks if he’s okay and he says now that he can hear her voice, he’s good. He promises to come see her soon.

On the phone, Julian tells the saboteur that it’s done and it’s exactly what he wanted.

Tomorrow, the new Crimson issue is released, Alexis grills Molly about Kristina and Sonny grills Kristina about herself.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Yolanda is getting ready to make a speech at a Lyme’s disease event and calls husband David because she’s stuck about what to say. He pretends to be supportive. She’s also inviting all the ladies to the event in NYC.

Kathryn is getting a new device to help her hearing. She’s very excited, but my question is, do you really want to hear all this crap? She might be sorry as soon as she goes to the next dinner party. She says until you lose one, you don’t realize how much you rely on your senses. Truth! She also realizes she’s probably been hollering at people for some time now.

Being a cancer survivor, Camille is having an event to end women’s cancer at her home. I love Camille and think she really got the shaft from that jerk she was married to who shall remain nameless. Kelsey Grammer. Camille is also selling some jewelry for the cause and Kyle says sometimes the only way to get people to donate is to shop. And they do.

Yolanda has a new short haircut, but I don’t remember her hair not being short. LisaR is uncomfortable about seeing her again. She’s going to be working and won’t be able to come to Yolanda’s event. She says she never knows what she’s going to get with Yolanda and doesn’t really trust her. I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I think Yolanda lacks understanding about quite a bit for someone so well-traveled.

Yolanda says she’s almost become psychic in the past year and LisaR’s energy has hit her weird. Okay. She gives Lisa a hug. Lisa says she saw the Instagram of Yolanda, Kim and Brandy the same day Yolanda was supposed to go to Erika’s party. Yolanda says she only has so much energy, and she’s known the other girls longer. She says they’ve supported her more than the rest of them put together. Really? I find that hard to believe.

LisaR wants to talk it out, but Yolanda says they’ve already done that. Lisa says the picture made her angry. Yolanda says someone else posted the picture in the first place. Eileen thinks she’s missing the point and says it’s not about the picture. Lisa says it gave her a trust issue and Yolanda says she has a trust issue with Lisa and trust is earned over time. Lisa says she just doesn’t understand the choice. Erika interjects that it was okay with her. Lisa says she’s in a lose-lose situation. Yolanda says it’s really between her and Erika and none of Lisa’s business, which I have to agree with. Lisa says you can get away with anything when you’re sick, and I also have to agree that there are people who do that. Everyone decides it’s a work in progress. Yolanda is tired and leaves. Lisa feels that something isn’t quite honest.

Kathryn visits LisaV, who greets her at the door with new pup Schnookie. Ken joins them. Giggy! Lisa tells her about the dog meat festival in Yulan and comes to tears talking about it. She and Ken have organized a march to protest. I’m so with her on this, having kept up with the issue myself and signed online petitions. Kathryn says she’ll do what she can to help. Kathryn likes Lisa and has no clue what’s up with Erika.

Oooh! LisaV has those magenta highlights again in her individual interview.

The ladies meet for dinner at a gorgeous restaurant with tables outside and lanterns hanging from the trees. Mauricio gives a toast and thanks them for being involved in the Habitat for Humanity project.

Mauricio is just back from Dubai and Kyle wants to go on a girls trip there. It’s a 16-hour flight. Count me out. Eileen says she needs a day off and can’t go to the march. In her individual interview, she says it’s awkward because she knows LisaV knows what she said about her being manipulative. She brings up the topic and Lisa asks exactly what she means by that. LisaR says it’s not manipulation but taking someone in a direction. LisaV says LisaR often has a delayed reaction to things, which is true.

LisaR says that LisaV texted her about Yolanda’s bi-polar comment, wondering why she wasn’t upset by it. Kyle says LisaR tends to be a follower and LisaV is more like a leader. LisaR says she prefers to think of herself as a people pleaser. Kathryn says she’s turning her hearing aid down. Told you.

It’s time for the Yulan march. Giggy! LisaV isn’t interested in anything negative today and refuses to discuss any of the dinner stuff. She and Kyle make jokes about Lisa’s manipulative ways. Lisa says look at all the people she manipulated into marching. At first, the march goes in the wrong direction and they end up picketing a church instead of the embassy or whatever. Oops. Kyle is like, we’re yelling at the wrong people. They finally get to their destination and afterwards, Lisa invites everyone to PUMP for a drink.

StopYulanForever.org

Yolanda invited Brandi and Kim on the NYC trip. Too bad they can’t make it…not. Neither can the two Lisas. Kyle talks about Dubai again and invites the ladies. Yolanda thinks it would wear her out too much though.

LisaR and Eileen are luggage shopping. Eileen has trepidation about the Dubai trip. Eileen talks about LisaR feeling more secure around her when they’re alone, but not so much when LisaV is around. She talks about Kyle and LisaV deflecting the subject to LisaR being a follower. Lisa looks up scapegoat. LisaR says, so she got pissed about something, big f-ing deal. Eileen says she’d better watch herself in Dubai since you can get arrested for cursing. I’m definitely out.

The ladies discuss the altercation between Eileen and LsaV. Kathryn thinks it’s cultural; Erika thinks it’s a personality clash and that Lisa doesn’t think she has anything to apologize for. She did apologize anyway though, so I don’t get why it can’t be dropped already.

The girls go to a cocktail party at The Jewel Suite. It’s a suite decorated in jewels by some famous designer. Um…I’m not that impressed, since it kind of looks like a jewelry museum and not a place I’d want to stay in. Yolanda plays Frere Jacques on the piano. Erika says she’s not allowed to buy jewelry because that’s her husband’s department. If she sees something she likes, she sends a picture of it to his secretary to show him when he’s in a good mood. What?

They go outside and the view is phenomenal. David pretends to be a good husband, saying how glad he is Yolanda is out and blah-blah-blah who cares. Yolanda toasts everyone who took time out to come and teach her the true meaning of friendship. She thanks her husband for actions speaking louder than words. Just wait. He says they’re going to make lemonade out of lemons and I throw up.

Tom and David talk, and David sounds a little less optimistic.

Next week, a red carpet is walked, Yolanda makes her speech, the Dubai trip happens, Brandi makes an appearance and Yolanda gossips to her about LisaR (showing the rest of us how she practices what she preaches).
If Loving You Is Wrong

Alex’s mother wants to see the baby and Brad is all for that. Her mother takes a peek, and Brad calls Alex’s father over. Her mother says Rusty is watching the game and doesn’t need to see the baby. Brad keeps insisting because he’s such a d-bag. Alex and her mother take the baby upstairs.

I don’t know what game Rusty is watching, but it doesn’t look like any game I’ve ever seen, since they’re only showing the bleachers.

Alex’s mother asks what’s going on. Brad tells her about Alex having an affair with Randal. He tells her about the “It’s A Boy” sign. Alex’s mother asks her if she had a baby with the “colored man” next door. Brad tells her to answer and her mother tells him to shut up. Ha-ha! Alex finally says yes. Her mother suggests Randal must have raped her, but Alex says no. Her mother asks how it happened then. She doesn’t know? Geez, they are sheltered.

Brad chimes in with blah-blah-blah about what Alex did. Her mother says she needs to get rid of the baby by leaving him at the hospital. She says if her father sees the baby, he’ll die. Wouldn’t that be a plus? Alex tells her that there’s only one person who raped her and he wasn’t an African American. She says her father raped her from the time she was six until she went to college and her mother knew. Her mother says Alex is no better than she is. She tries to get to the baby and slaps Alex, giving her a bloody nose. Brad steps in and she slaps him too. He asks if that made her feel good. She says Alex’s father had bad experiences, including his father being killed by a “colored man.” I guess this excuses him being a rapist. She says they’re getting out of there before her father kills everyone in sight .

Man, I would just clean out the bank account and move as far away as possible. These people are all nuts.

Alex sneaks out the side door with the baby.

Pete is wounded and trying to call for help. The radio doesn’t work so he uses his cell phone to call 911. Claudette has Esperanza take it, but the call gets cut off. Esperanza tells Stephen that Pete’s been shot. Eddie calls Ben, and tells him to get Pete’s phone. Stephen pretends to be calling Pete on the radio. I hate everyone in this show tonight.

Eddie tells Ben to make sure Pete is dead. He tells him look out for cameras, since everyone takes videos of everyone. He says to call back when Pete takes his last breath.

Ben tells Pete help is coming and takes his phone. Pete tells him that Eddie is going to kill him too, and asks why he did this. Ben says an ambulance is coming, but Pete doesn’t believe him. He should conserve his energy and play dead. Ben struggles for a second and calls for an ambulance Good boy!

Lushion comes over to Natalie’s house. He asks if Eddie tazed her in front of the kids. she says yes and he ought to know since he’s out riding dirty with him. She gives him a paper with his old boss’s phone number in Virginia. She tells him the boss would have him back in a heartbeat and that he should go. She says Eddie is no good and Lushion needs to get away from him. Lushion says if she doesn’t want him around, he’ll leave. He already moved out of his old place, but he’ll find another one. He says it almost kills her to tell him “I love you.” He’s pissed at her going behind his back to call his old boss. She says she doesn’t trust him. The old boss said he left four years ago and she wonders what he’s been doing all that time and why he has so much money. Lushion asks if Natalie loves him. She says she does and she couldn’t take something happening to him. He tells her to let him take care of things, but he can’t let her know what’s going on. She says until he can, she doesn’t want to see him.

He tells her Eddie will never bother her again. She says she doesn’t know what’s going on with him and she’s done. Lushion leaves. Natalie is being an idiot. He’s the only decent man on this show.

Ah-ha, Eddie! Everyone is running around the station and Esperanza tells him to go away. Claudia asks how bad Pete is, and Esperanza says they don’t know yet. She tells Claudia they still have a job to do, and take a break to calm down. Claudia kinda likes Pete.

Randal shows up at the hospital and the nurse calls for security. The a-hole janitor tells Randall that Alex has been discharged because it’s really men who can’t keep their mouths shut.

Marcie gets home from work. The stupid sign is still on their lawn. Randal’s mom comes downstairs. Marcie says she found a place, but she won’t need Louise’s money. She’s found a roommate — Brad. She says he has nowhere to go either. Louise says she can’t do that and that Randal is sorry. Marcie says she knows Randal and he’s not sorry. She tells Marcie it’s not a good idea. It’s easy to get over someone when you can slip under someone.

Marcie gets a call. She says something about a store. Randal is trying to charge something on her card and she tells them put it through. He’s charging $3800 in baby clothes. She says again he’s not sorry and she’s done. Louise says she’ll talk to him, but Marcie says there’s no need.

Kelly calls Ramses. She asks if he’s thought of a price for his mom’s house. Kelly thinks she might have a buyer. She asks if he’ll be around later. When she hangs up with him, she calls Natalie. She tells Natalie she found a house for her and explains about Ramses’s mom passing away. Natalie says she can’t afford it, but Kelly says she and Lushion have already been approved. Natalie says she and Lushion aren’t together anymore, but she doesn’t want to talk about it right now. Kelly says she’s coming over. Natalie says she has to go out and will call her when she gets back.

Marcie starts to pack. Brad discovers Alex and the baby gone. Marcie calls to tell him about the apartment. He asks her how she got done with her anger and she says she just got tired. He says he thinks he went too far and tells her about Alex’s parents. He tells her about Alex’s father having raped her and how he found out. He asks why he’d want to defend her. Well, that’s a stupid question. I would hope anyone would defend any woman who was raped at six-years-old. Marcie says he still loves Alex and she still loves Randal. Brad says he wants off the emotional roller coaster and she says that’s why she’s leaving. She tells him about the baby clothes Randal charged. She says she’ll let him know when she gets the key to the new place. I dunno. Unless Randal turns out to have a brain tumor, I don’t really think Randal should be with anyone except a therapist.

Brad looks for Alex. He sees Ramses mowing the lawn and asks if he’s seen her. That’s a no.

Alex’s mother suggests they go home. Her father says he’s too tired to drive back and didn’t they come all this way to see the baby? Her mother says Alex is lying down and brings Rusty another beer. Hopefully laced with arsenic.

Brad goes to Randal’s house, but Louise says Alex isn’t there. He goes in the back to the infamous shed. Not there either. Louise tells him to get off the property. Ha-ha! He kicks the sign down. I had the feeling he was going to do that.

What is this game Alex’s father is watching that only shows the fans in the bleachers? He goes upstairs and Alex’s mother says she’s gone. She says Rusty doesn’t want to leave, but Brad says he’s got to go. She says he wants to see the baby and Brad says he’s never going to be around his children again. By the time his other kids get home, they’d better be gone or he’s going to throw their asses out. Alex’s mother says he invited them and they’re staying. Brad says we’ll see about that.

Randal gets home with all the baby stuff and puts the sign back up. He is so insane. As he’s unloading the bags, he does a little dance. He goes inside and his mom is waiting for him. He asks if she isn’t happy to be a grandmother and she tells him he’d better take all the stuff back to the store. She tells him he’s out of his mind. Thank you. He says he’s never been so happy. She says Marcie is miserable. He says he loves her and he loves Alex too. Yeah, he’s such a catch. Louise says if he goes over to Alex’s, Brad will kill him. He says he’ll go over when Brad’s at work. I say go now while Brad and Alex’s parents are there.

Next week, some new characters are introduced, Esperanza tells Eddie off and Randal is still crazy.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Warlock shows up in Candace’s apartment like he’s a real warlock. He cracks her one and asks what the hell is wrong with her. She says she’s trying to get his money. He says she told Benny not to go into business with him. She says she doesn’t want Benny to get hurt. War says her deadline moved up.

There’s a knock at the door. Candace yells come in and it’s Erica. She introduces them and Erica says they need to hurry. War asks Candace to walk him to the door and he whispers that she has 48 hours.

When Candace comes back in, she can tell something’s wrong with Erica. Erica insists it’s nothing, but she’s shaking. Erica says he didn’t recognize her. She says Jasmine was her sister. She says Jasmine didn’t give him the $700 she owed him and Candace knows what can happen. Is she going to tell the rest of us?

Erica says War isn’t playing and he doesn’t care. Erica says she’d just moved there when he met her and he barely looked at her. She gives Candace the paperwork for the tow yard and house. Candace says she bought it for Benny. Erica says she bought it, she can mortgage it. Candace takes the paperwork. Erica breaths another sigh of relief that War didn’t recognize her and tells Candace to clean up.

Candace tells Erica her son is coming. Erica says this is a bad idea and what if War comes back? Candace says she hasn’t seen him in years. Erica says her own kids are better off without her and Candace’s son has managed fine so far. Candace won’t listen to reason.

David accuses Jim of putting a hit out on Veronica and tells him to call it off. Jim acts clueless and David asks for her address. Jim is like, you don’t know where your wife lives? David says if he doesn’t tell him, he’ll testify against Jim. Jim says a bunch of weird stuff and David tells him to quit playing games. Jim says it’s too late. David tells him to call it off and Jim acts stupid again.

David gets out his cell phone. He says he’s calling his wife and if he finds out Veronica is dead, he’s coming in there and killing Jim. Jim acts all snarky.

Candace talks to Lloyd at the bank. The paperwork looks good. Lloyd goes over a few things and she asks how long it will take to get the money. He says 30 days (shouldn’t Candace and Erica have known that?). She asks if they can do it in two days, but he says no. She says okay, but still wants to go ahead. When she leaves, Lloyd makes a call to the jail. He wants to see Jim.

Kathryn busts into the DA’s office. Jennifer says she can’t speak to Kathryn. Kathryn tells her to call Wyatt and if he doesn’t answer, it means something is wrong. Jennifer calls and there’s no answer. Jennifer asks if Kathryn did something to him, and Kathryn says no, Jennifer did. Kathryn asks her why she doesn’t have children, then runs down a list of possible reasons. She knows that Jennifer has eggs on ice, a specimen in a fertility clinic in Washington. Jennifer asks who she thinks she is. Kathryn says someone who will do anything for someone she loves — her son. She says Jennifer gave Wyatt his inheritance, and Jennifer says she gave a witness funds to protect himself.

Kathryn tells Jennifer keep telling yourself that. She says Wyatt has a substance abuse problem. Jennifer says he passed a drug test and Kathryn throws a box with the cleansing kit Wyatt used at Jennifer. She says that’s how he passed. Kathryn says go ahead and go after her and Jim, but now she gave Wyatt unlimited access to drugs and she should be dead for that. She says the name Kathryn Cryer will haunt Jennifer and any progeny she has forever. Kathryn says she’s not a nice woman and Jennifer says it’s a federal offense to threaten the DA. Kathryn asks Jennifer to let her make it more clear, “Bitch, I will have you murdered in the streets.” Yep. That’s crystal clear. Jennifer tells her to leave the office. Kathryn says if her son dies, no place in the world will be safe for Jennifer, her family, or her fertilized eggs. Then Kathryn tells her to try and have a nice day, since it might be her last.

Jennifer leaves a message for Wyatt to call her back right away. She makes a call for someone to track the phone stat. She doesn’t look too well. Ha-ha!

Hanna goes to Candace’s and Benny answers the door. She pushes him out of the way. The little girl’s grandfather is there, along with the lawyer. He tells Hanna that Benny and Candace want him and his daughter in on the lawsuit. Hanna tries to kick the lawyer out and Candace says it’s her house. The grandfather says maybe it’s best they leave.

Hanna tells Candace she isn’t fooling anybody, and Benny isn’t suing anybody. Benny says Wyatt hit him and asks how long Hanna knew. Hanna says Kathryn paid all his medical bills. Candace goads her by saying she knew all along. Benny says he was left in the street for dead and he should be payed for his pain and suffering. Hanna says he got out of the hospital and got a free house and tow yard. He says Candace paid for it. Hanna tells her to tell Benny where she got the money. Hanna says Candace blackmailed Jim out of $7 million and he already got his settlement. Candace says Jim gave her the money.

Hanna gets on her knees and begs Candace to let her raise Quincy Jr. She says he needs a stable home and she can give him that. He needs church and he needs God and he needs a place to heal and she can give him that. Candace say s she’s let him be raised by strangers in foster care before she’d let that happen and funny how Hanna is on her knees because that’s how the house was paid for. Hanna slaps her, and she slaps Hanna back. They go at it, but Benny steps in between them.

Hanna asks what date is because she’s marking it as the day she gave up. She says she went to God on her knees for Candace, and His word for her was to stop. She says she was up all night long because God had told her to no longer pray for her daughter. She says Candace will now know what it’s like when shes no longer covered in prayer. Candace asks who’s covering Hanna in prayer. Hanna says the blood of Jesus. Candace asks her where she’s living again. Hanna tells her to keep it up.

This show is so freaking intense, I almost don’t breathe through the whole thing. Does Tyler Perry write and direct all of these? Holy! When does he sleep?

David gets a call. It’s someone with Veronica’s address. He runs out of the jail.

Wyatt is unconscious. His hangers-on can’t rouse him, so they all leave. Nice.

Lloyd visits Jim, who says he’s livin’ the dream. Lloyd says he might find it interesting that Candace came into the bank looking for a loan and seems desperate. Jim asks how much she wants. Lloyd says $2 million in two days. Jim says she needs collateral and Lloyd says she has it. but he told her no. Jim says to give her the loan asap, but he wants Lloyd to hide a 15-day balloon payment in the fine print, and if she doesn’t pay, Lloyd is to foreclose on everything.

Social worker Aliyah goes to Candace’s house and hands her an envelope. She says all she could get was 55K. Candace says she should beat her ass again. Aliyah tells her that her son is still at the hospital and asks if she should tell them Candace is coming. Candace tells her to get out. Bye, Felicia! er…Aliyah!

Jeffrey meets Candace outside her place and sees his mother sitting in her car. Veronica’s phone rings and she asks Maggie to meet her at her place in 15 minutes. Then she calls the police and says she just saw someone break into her neighbor’s house, giving them her address. She gets out of the car, gathers up Jeffrey, and goes up to Candace.

Veronica asks to come in. Candace says no. Veronica says it’s about Quincy. They all go inside.

Commercial break. I’m not sure if it’s a new show or a TV movie, but it looks good. Greenleaf, coming in June, from the writer of Six Feet Under, one of my all time favorite shows.

Veronica asks how Candace is doing and she says better than Veronica’s hair. What is up with these hair comments? I think her hair looks fine. Quite stylish in fact. She talks to Candace about her place and asks is this is where Jeffrey lives. He says yes. Veronica says Melissa has been waiting for him to come back to the house. Jeffrey says he’s not coming back. Veronica says yes he is and they have a wedding to plan. Candace says shouldn’t she be worried about a trial? Veronica says no, but they look worried. She asks if Jeffrey is worried about testifying against her. He says no. Veronica splashes whatever is in her water bottle all around and says she has something to show Candace.

Veronica says she wants Melissa and Jeffrey to move in with her before the wedding. Jeffrey is like, yeah, okay, and Veronica says good by and leaves. Candace asks Jeffrey what the liquid is. Poison? He says she’s not that stupid and Candace tells him turn off the lights. All the blood lights up. Jeffrey asks how Veronica knows and Candace says she obviously does.

Jennifer gets a call that Wyatt has checked into the hotel. She tells them to check the room. Security knocks on the door and they find Wyatt unconscious. No, dead. Or at least with no pulse.

Veronica pulls up to her house. The gunman is inside at the ready. She goes up to the door, making us think for a moment that she forgot, but she just unlocks it. A police car drives up and she introduces herself. She says she thought someone was in her neighbor’s backyard. The officer says he checked it out, but no one was there. Maggie drives up and Veronica tells her to go right in and that she’ll be there in a minute. She’s actually licking her lips.

Maggie opens the door. The gunman shoots.

The end. For this season anyway.

March 14, 2016 — Helena’s Will & Vanderpump’s Finale

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

It’s time for the reading of Helena’s will. Finally.

Nathan tells Dante he’s keeping mum about Claudette with Maxie.

Talking on her cell phone, Maxie says the real woman issue of Crimson will be even more stellar than the green issue. She literally runs into a half-dressed Griffin in the scrub room and her papers go flying everywhere.

Nicholas says no one is looking forward to the reading of the will and he couldn’t be more wrong. I’m sure I can speak for most fans when I say that we’re all looking forward to it. Lulu, Liz and Laura gather. Helena didn’t get up to the M’s yet. Elizabeth is going to leave, but Scotty stops her because surprise! Helena included her.

Laura asks how Scotty became executor and he says it beats him. I vote for Helena thinking it would be amusing. Nicholas says it’s going to be over-the-top and horrible, just like Helena. Laura says none of them have to stay, but they all want to just get it over with.

Sam tells Alexis that Laura seems to believe in Helena’s curses. She and Alexis discuss Jason’s plaque and Sam am tells her how she cut herself on it.

Andre and Anna are at the MetroCourt. Anna says she doesn’t want to tell Andre what she thinks she found out about Griffin yet. Jordan interrupts their lunch.

Nathan tells Dante that Maxie told him she didn’t care about Claudette and the past is the past. Dante says who is this Maxie who’s letting things go?

Maxie gathers up her papers. Maxie and Griffin introduce themselves and she says she’s looking for Epiphany. She slips on the wet floor and Griffin catches her. Lawsuit! Just kidding. Maxie has hurt her ankle and Griffin says to use him as a crutch. She says it wouldn’t be the first time she used a man for that. BA DUM CHHH! Griffin says she can listen to him now and leave with a limp, or end up on crutches tomorrow. He goes to get dressed.

Nathan says if Maxie changes her mind, he’ll remind her about what she said. Dante is like, that’s highly unlikely to help. Both guys are feeling pretty happy with their relationships.

Jordan says her meeting was canceled. Anna says she and Andre weren’t having lunch, just conferring. Anna says Jordan should know something about Andre and her.

Alexis and Sam get to Windemere. It’s just as I predicted. Video will!

Helena says if they’re watching this, all of Robin’s efforts are for naught and she did not achieve immortality. She adds if you’re going to kidnap a scientist, make sure it’s the right one. She says she can guess the circumstances of her death, but doesn’t really know how it will happen. She says she’ll live on in all of them. OMG – I love Helena so much! I’m so excited!

When Helena starts with the “being of sound mind and body,” Alexis is like, really? Helena, who already knows what kind of remarks that would bring, tells them no pausing for conflict.

Sam is first. To be divided with Kristina and Molly is one cent because that’s all Alexis’s kids are worth. Sam is like, cheap insults? Scotty pauses the video and gives Sam a penny in a jewelry box, telling her not to forget there’s an inheritance tax on that. While that was funny, I actually think under 10K, there isn’t any.

Alexis, formerly known as Natasha (I always forget that), is next. Helena says she’s the result of a lack of judgment on Mikkos’s part, and she wants to be remembered always. Scotty gives Alexis a locked box.

Dante tells Nathan the he and Lulu’s divorce papers brought them back together. He says they’re not moving back in together yet, but they’re moving forward. Nathan says he’s sure they’ll work it out. Dante says as long as they’re open and honest with each other, they have a shot. He says he’s not making a comment about Nathan’s decisions about Maxie though.

Whatever Griffin did with Maxie’s ankle did the trick. She says she’ll put in a good word for him, but he says keep it between them because he didn’t follow procedure. She says she has the same MO and she and her ankle thank him for bucking the system. Maxie tells him about the real woman Crimson issue and he says she won’t find anyone more real than Epiphany. She says they’re considering doing an issue on real men, and he’d be perfect. And her professional opinion is that he’s drop-dead gorgeous. Griffin says he appreciates the offer, but he wouldn’t make a good subject. She asks if he’s worried about a scar he has that looks like it’s from a bullet wound and he suddenly has to get back to work. He says he’s flattered, but the magazine isn’t for him.

Alexis opens the box and it’s a music box, playing a song from Madame Butterfly. There is also a program from the same opera in the box. Alexis says it’s the last song her mother sang before she died. Further inside the box is a dagger. Alexis picks it up and calls Helena a bitch.

Alexis says it’s the dagger that Helena used to slit her mother’s throat. Helena asks what Natasha thinks of her legacy and says that her mother got what she deserved. She says she grew fond of Alexis and that’s why she didn’t dispatch her the same way. Alexis has had enough and she and Sam leave. Sam tells Scotty to keep the penny

Next is Elizabeth. I can’t wait.

Anna tells Jordan that she and Andre are friends, but she’s also his patient. She says he’s helping her deal with Duke’s death and she didn’t want Jordan to get the wrong impression. She leaves and Andre asks if Jordan is okay. She says she’s a little thrown that a good friend is telling intimate things to the man she’s seeing. He says Anna was his patient before they started dating. Jordan asks if they don’t usually confer in his office and he says they were just talking as friends.

Dante tells Nathan they all have their history and baggage and he’s sorry he made a big deal out of it. Nathan says Claudette wasn’t just an ex-girlfriend. She was his wife. D’oh!

Helena knows exactly what everyone is saying and tells Nicholas to stop defending Elizabeth. She apologizes for keeping Jake from Elizabeth for so long. Scotty gives Elizabeth a box and inside is a handmade book called Jake’s Adventure. Nicholas suggests she throw it in the fire, but she says Helena is right, she’s not a fragile flower, and leaves.

Helena suggests the book be shown to Jake. (Hmm…. I wonder if it will trigger something if he sees it.) Nicholas is next. She’s leaving everything to the Cassadine Foundation and he gets nothing because he betrayed and disappointed her. He says he never became the Cassadine she wanted him to be.

Scotty brings out an easel. Helena says Nicholas thinks he’s clever, but she knows how much of a Cassadine he is. She says actions speak louder than words and to take a look. It’s a portrait of Helena drinking tea.

Nicholas says he knew she wouldn’t go quietly and would want to torture him. He says the painting isn’t as innocuous as they might think. He has a little flashback to when Helena keeled over. Did he poison her tea? He puts the painting aside. Helena says her image signifies that the two of them will never be finished.

Helena says Lulu has done the most for her, more than she’ll ever know.

Maxie drops in on Nathan. She wonders why he and Dante look so serious.

Griffin calls Brad and leaves a message to let him know about Tracy’s biopsy. Anna comes out of the elevator and runs into him. He seems to be in everyone’s way today.

Elizabeth looks at the book. It talks about a boy named Jake going into the woods, meeting an old woman and having an adventure, but we don’t see most of it.

Sam and Alexis go back to the bar and get stiff drinks. Alexis says there’s nothing Helena could have given her that’s more morbid and cruel, but it’s the last morbid and cruel thing Helena will do to her.

Helena says she owes Lulu something and she might not appreciate it right away, but there might come a time when her life is empty and it will give her what she needs. Lulu opens an empty envelope. Helena says it might seem puzzling, but she’s smart and will figure it out. There’s writing on the envelope, but I don’t know if it’s important and we don’t really see it. Lulu leaves the envelope on a chair.

Last is Laura, who Helena says had the biggest impact on her life. She says she had a final moment with Luke before he left for parts unknown and she’s going to have a final word for Laura. She and Laura have come to an end. She took from Helena the thing she loved most, her beloved Mikkos, but because she’s the bigger person, she’s giving Laura a key to what she loved and lost.

There’s a key in the box. Helena says remember, it’s the key to what she loved and lost.

Nathan says Dante just gave him huge news. Dante tells Maxie that he and Lulu are getting back together.

Andre has a patient and has to go. He asks Jordan if they can resume their date tomorrow. He says he knows it was awkward, but he couldn’t tell Jordan that Anna was his patient before she did. Jordan says she understands.

Anna says she thinks she knows who Griffin is and why he’s been following her.

Elizabeth gets to the end of the book that says Jake and the old woman had more adventures. The old woman’s last words to him are, “Never forget, Jake, and never tell.” DUN DUN DUUUUN!

Alexis is wondering what to do with the murder weapon. Ebay? She says she’s getting rid of Helena’s trash and tells Sam not to worry about any curses, but be careful of self-fulfilling prophecies. She gives the box to the bartender to throw away, but then changes her mind.

Lulu tells Laura to throw the key away and forget what Helena said. Laura says she hasn’t decided yet, but Lulu has to get to work. Nicholas asks if she’s going to pursue what the envelope was about.

Tomorrow, Valerie tells Dante that her personal life is none of his business, Anna figures out who Griffin is, and Ava freaks out over Kiki.

Vanderpump Rules

Jax is back from Hawaii. Apparently, he’s not in jail. The felony was dropped to a misdemeanor and if he stays out of trouble, it will be dropped from his record. He’s so grateful, he won’t stop complaining and he’s being a complete ass to Brittany.

Stassi has found a new apartment and claims to have her mojo back. We’ll see. She and Kristen chug champagne from the bottle because they are sooo classy.

Jax continues to bitch at Brittany because the apartment is too small. He says being in the jail cell was the most peace he’s had in a while. I’m sure it can be arranged for him to go back if he liked it so much. What a d-bag this guy is.

James tells Tom and Ariana that he and Kristen went out to dinner. He’s still interested in Lala and is just holding out for the best opportunity.

Lala is surprised that Katie invited her to the engagement party. She says she’s going to need a lot of liquid courage. How is this different from any other party? Scheana says she’s more worried about Ariana being there. James has graciously told Lala that Kristen called her a ratchet whore. I can’t believe she’s even interested in that scrawny dweeb, although they deserve each other.

Tom says he’s known Jax a long time. Jax has stolen from him, slept with his girlfriends, talked smack about him, yet he’d miss him if he was gone. Sigh.

Lisa asks Jax how it went and he says the court doesn’t have time for people like him. Lisa says not to minimize it. She says he’s being aggressive and he says he’s just tired. Lisa says the only way to learn from a situation is to be accountable and it’s doubtful Jax will ever learn that. I added that last part.

It’s almost time for what’s sure to be the engagement party from hell. It’s a million degrees out and Katie never thought of umbrellas for the tables, so she borrows some of Lisa’s.

Tom is playing at the after party. Ariana says she needs to have closure with Scheana

Kristen and Stassi have decided to crash the party. Stassi says good thing Kristen doesn’t have self-respect and dignity weighing her down. Why borrow umbrellas? Katie can just use Stassi’s shade. James has been texting Kristen. He claims he still loves her. It sounds like she kinda sorta wants to get back together with him.

Many of Katie’s family members arrive, as well as Schwartz’s mother. Katie’s brother has a man bun and I cringe. I’m allergic to man buns, meaning the hairdo. If Lala really drank what she says she did before getting there, it’s a wonder she isn’t passed out already. Ken and Lisa arrive. Giggy! There is miniature golf and bubble-blowing going on.

Here come the gate crashers. Kristen is all what if, and Stassi tells her to stop talking. James says he sees trouble. And yep, it’s coming.

Katie welcomes the girls, but everyone else is so startled, they stay put. Schwarz says this puts him in an uncomfortable position with Lisa. Lisa says apparently two gates aren’t enough to keep them out and tells everyone to do what they want. Stassi meets Brittany and more drinking happens.

James shows Lisa the PUMP CD. She’s put it on hold, but he still made a demo. Lisa says she’s proud of him for doing better, but if he drinks, he’s going to fail. James says hi to Kristen. Lala says everything about Kristen pisses her off, right down to her shoes. Kristen says James will go places if he can overcome being his own worst enemy. Stassi ignores Jax.

Lisa gives a little speech, giving Katie and Schwartz her blessing. She asks if anyone wants to say anything, and amends that to anyone except Kristen, who gets up to talk anyway. Lala makes faces while she talks. Tom says it’s the longest speech ever and Kristen lacks self-awareness. Lala yells for her to wrap it up and Katie says if anyone is going to be rude, they can leave the way they came.

Afterward the group goes to SUR. More drinking! Selfies! More drinking! Scheana asks to talk to Ariana. She says she feels like they’re not on the same page anymore and asks if Ariana still wants to be friends. Ariana says that depends. Scheana’s been talking smack behind her back and Ariana thinks it has to do with her great desire to be popular and liked by everyone. Scheana starts to cry and apologizes. Ariana says this is the real Scheana and maybe they can salvage the friendship.

More drinking! James is all over Lala, totally grossing me out. Kristen calls Lala a walking STD. Lala says she’s the one person Kristen doesn’t want to mess with and pushes her, telling Kristen to sit down. Frankly, this is another show where it’s debatable who I like least. Seriously, is it because they’re millennials or from L.A. or what? When I was in my 20s, no one I knew behaved like this.

James breaks it up and says enough. Stassi tells Lala she should own it and say she screwed up. She should know better than to argue with a drunk. It’s time for Tom’s band to play and there’s Lala sitting on James’s lap. Good luck getting back together with Kristen now. The band does their video song and Lisa wonders if it’s a comedy act.

More drinking? Giggy! Ken and Lisa have joined the group. James brags about how much weed he ate and smoked beforehand. Kristina says he’s wasted and he curses her out. Jax says you can’t talk to women like that and James is clearly not sober. James tries to get Jax to fight with him because Jax is on probation. Both Schwartz and Peter try to get James to shut up. James continues to goad Jax who wants to punch him in the face, and Lisa comes over and tells them to knock it off. Really. Grow the blip up.

Lisa tells James to take a seat. Jax says he solves things with his fists which isn’t good for someone on probation. Yep. James leaves, telling Kristen he’ll text her tomorrow. James meets Lala outside and goes to her house. He so creeps me out.

Jax and Lisa talk about Stassi. Jax goes over to Stassi and asks how she’s doing. They make awkward small talk. They talk about their relationship and we get a bunch of flashbacks. Jax says he’ll always be there for her. Stassi says there’s something to be said for history with people and they started this group of friends together. She talks about him cheating on her and he says he thinks things didn’t work out with her boyfriend and she came back with her tail between her legs to the friends that she dumped. I’m torn between being astounded at how astute Jax can be on occasion and being startled that this conversation went downhill so fast.

Jax says he’s not saying this to hurt her. They talk about Brittany and Stassi says that she likes Brittany, and hopes he doesn’t screw it up, adding that he’s been treating Brittany unfairly. Knowing that Stassi is right, Jax tells Brittany he loves her and says let’s go home.

Katie tells Stassi that she’s not saying they can’t be friends again, but she doesn’t think they can be the same friends they once were. Katie and Schwartz thank Lisa and go home.

Lisa says some have made important steps and gone through dark says and some will never learn, adding the more things change, the more they stay the same.

This was the finale, so next week, The Reunion.

One last Giggy! Lisa and Giggy are on Watch What Happens Live, along with a new Pom from the pound, Harrison.

Sadly, tonight is also the finale of the Vanderpump After Show…sniff….

March 8, 2016 — GH, Haves, Nots & Wives

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Lulu and Dante are all lovey-dovey, with hearts popping out of their eyes and bluebirds flying around with ribbons in their mouths.

Anna talks to Robert about the Carrrlos trail being cold. While someone sneaks around her place, Paul rings the bell. He tells her they have a lot to discuss. She tells him she’s had the feeling that someone has been following her. That’s because someone has been. Carrrlos, maybe?

Jordan calls Andre. She has an ark to go with his Indiana Jones hat. He invites her over to the bar, but she has her hands full with work and asks for a rain check.

Elizabeth interrupts Nicholas’s perusal of The Great Gatsby. She says she knows the look on his face and he’s doomed.

Hayden wonders why Baxter is in Port Charles. I’d be wondering what he’s doing at the MetroCourt with Sam. He and Sam talk phony finances. Curtis runs into Hayden in the hallway and she blows him off and gets out of there. Sam says she has a family emergency and has to go. Baxter tells her to settle the tab because he’s a real d-bag.

Sam makes a call to the first number on Baxter’s contact list. When she says she’s a friend of Rachel’s, they hang up.

Curtis follows Hayden to the bar. He wonders why she looks shaken. He thinks she ran into someone she knew who she didn’t want to see.

Paul asks if Robert has made any progress in finding Carrrlos. Anna says Robert followed the trail to London and then, nothing. She says Carrrlos might be using it as a jumping off point and to establish new identities for him and Sabrrrina. Paul says they can now work openly and honestly with each other, and says his admiration for her grows each day. Anna isn’t having any, and says she wouldn’t trust Paul as far as she could throw him.

Dante says he wants to rebuild the relationship and stay together for the rest of their lives. Lulu says they can’t rush things and forget what happened. They need to stop blaming and start forgiving. Hmm… They start making out and it looks like they’re rushing something here.

Andre shows up at Jordan’s office with some food. He says the way things have been going, this might be their last meal together.

Anna says her view of Paul hasn’t changed. She says the only reason they’re still talking is that she needs him to capture Carrrlos. She says it doesn’t end until Julian is in a prison cell, and if they end up there too, so be it. He asks what if there’s another way?

Curtis tries to get Hayden to tell him what’s going on, but she says everything is fine. She was only shocked to see someone from another life. He says the past has a way of catching up. He asks if she’s in trouble.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth he’s happy with Hayden. Elizabeth says if he’s happy, she’s happy, like I believe it. She thanks him for his hospitality and tells him if it gets to be too much with the kids, to let her know. When she leaves, Nicholas gets a call from Sam.

Sam says Baxter pretended not to know Hayden. She tells him about calling the number he excused himself to call and how they hung up after she said she was a friend of Rachel’s. She says by the time she called back again, the number was disconnected. Um… I don’t think that can be done that fast, so let me pretend it was a throwaway cell number. Nicholas tells her to forget everything and drop the case.

For not rushing things, Dante and Lulu are getting pretty busy. Lulu suddenly puts on the brakes. She tells Dante she thought things had changed for her, but they haven’t.

Paul wants to give Carrrlos immunity in order to nail Julian. He says life isn’t always neat and tidy, and sometimes you have to make a mess to make things better, sounding a little like Edward Albee.

Hayden tells Curtis she’s not in trouble. He says she left the MetroCourt like someone was chasing her, and just downed two stiff drinks. He says he’s concerned about her and wants to help her free of charge. He asks if her husband knows about the past she’s running from.

Sam is shocked that Nicholas wants to close the book on Hayden. She says she knows Baxter is lying. She says what if Hayden’s in trouble and needs him to protect her. Nice try. Nicholas says thanks for the help, but we’re done. He hangs up and eavesdropper Elizabeth is standing there. Geez, if you can’t be alone at Windemere, where can you be alone?

Dante says he gets it. Lulu says she doesn’t want to beat up on him and knows he’s sorry. He says they should get rid of the bed and then the loft. He suggests they get a house with a swing set and herb garden. Lulu says if they’re moving forward, they have to be honest and she doesn’t want an herb garden. He says he wants them to have a king size bed that they pick out together. She says they’re not done healing and that they just got divorced. She says she’s not sure they can put things back together on their own; they need help

Andre talks about Morgan. Jordan says their lives are going to intersect that way. He says last time they met, she accused him of trying to analyze her and he was just trying to get to know her. She apologizes for over-reacting. She says her history with Curtis is difficult to talk about. Andre says it’s her call if and when she wants to talk about it. She says she did something she regrets and Curtis tried to intervene, but destroyed people’s lives instead. I’m definitely intrigued.

Sam bumps into Hayden. She asks if Hayden is meeting Nicholas. Hayden says she had a business meeting, but missed it. She asks why Sam is there and all dressed up, since usually biker chick fashion is her thing. Sam says she was just out for a drink, but this place isn’t her speed.

Elizabeth says it’s clear that Nicholas doesn’t trust Hayden. He says that friendship has it’s limits and she’s over-stepping her bounds. He says she heard him tell Sam forget about it. Elizabeth asks why he married Hayden if he doesn’t trust her.

Anna says Paul is assuming Carrrlos has kept his mouth shut, and what about Sabrrrina. Paul says she’ll want to protect he father of her baby. He says sooner or later, Carrrlos is going to need help. Anna says the only person they could reach out to is Paul. She asks if he funded the trip to London and takes his silence as an answer. She says when they run out of money, they’ll have to call Paul. She says when they do, she’d better be the first call he makes afterward. She says he’d better not play her and he says he takes both business and pleasure very seriously.

Jordan and Andre make plans for another date. Andre says he’d like it to be outside of her office and suggests going dancing. He leaves and Jordan is all smiley. Oops, he forgot his hat. Someone’s at the door, but it’s Curtis. Didn’t they pass each other?

Elizabeth says she doesn’t want Nicholas to get hurt the way he did with Britt. She says he’s paying someone to find out why he doesn’t trust her. She says he should get out before it’s too late and show Hayden the door. Oops! Hayden is there and says that she wants to talk to her husband. Elizabeth makes an exit and Hayden asks if it’s true that Nicholas is having her investigated. He says it’s true, but he called it off. She asks if it’s because of what he found out, and he says no, it’s because of what he didn’t, making perfect sense…not.

Lulu says they need an objective third person and they need to stop talking to the people they know and not talking to each other. Dante is on board with that, and says what they’re doing feels right. She says it will feel more right later and she’s leaving before she changes her mind. Before she leaves, she tells him if he burned the bed, she won’t lose any sleep.

Anna tells Paul if Carrrlos contacts him, she wants to be the first to know. Paul says when he contacts Paul, he’ll call her. That was fast. Paul gets a call from Carrrlos as soon as he’s on the porch.

Curtis is pissed because Jordan told people that he’s a drug addict and he’s been clean for years. If she wants him to stay out of her business, she’d better stay out of his. He says she’s got a lot to be concerned about with her past and she needs to keep her mouth shut and so will he.

Nicholas says he knows there’s more to the Rachel story than Hayden has told him, but he doesn’t care. All he knows is that they love each other. He says maybe one day she ‘ll tell him the rest of the story. He says he felt sick when he realized he was prying into a past that had nothing to do with him. He says all that matters is today and that they’re happy. He told Sam to drop it and that she told him nothing because there’s nothing to tell. She thanks him and he thanks her for not getting angry. She says she’s not thrilled about Elizabeth, and he says he’ll make sure she understands the situation and stays out of Hayden’s way. He tells Hayden she’s his priority and I want to marry him.

Elizabeth meets Sam. Elizabeth says she overheard Nicholas and Sam talking, and heard Nicholas telling her to drop the investigation. Sam tells her to discuss it with Nicholas. Elizabeth says Sam should keep investigating for Spencer’s sake and that even if Sam thinks Nicholas deserves it, Spencer will be the one who ends up with the biggest broken heart. She says if that matters to Sam, she should continue.

Tomorrow, Carly doens’t want Jason working for Sonny, Tracy goes to the crypt, and Felix tells Michael that Sabrrrina really loves him.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Jeffrey tells Justin it’s very freeing to come out and asks if he’s like a kiss. Candace comes home and Justin tells her she had a break-in. He asks if she knows Quita. She says yes and Jeffrey says she forgot to give Quita the key. Not much Justin can say at this point, so he leaves.

After he’s gone, Candace asks Jeffrey why Justin’s zipper was unzipped. Jeffrey tells Candace that Quita was looking for Quincy and asks what she did with him. She says she took care of it. He asks for his keys and she says she doesn’t know where they are. She asks again about Justin’s pants.

Jeffrey tells Candace he can track his keys on a phone and she gives him hers. Erica comes by and asks who Jeffrey is .Candace introduces him and says he’s not on their team. Jeffrey says the phone says the keys are there. He goes to look.

Erica asks Candace if she told Benny about the mortgage. Candace says no and Erica says she’s running out of time and Warlock is serious. Jeffrey comes back and says his keys are in the backyard under the dirt. Candace tells him no. Erica wonders why the keys would be there.

Jeffrey starts to dig and Candace stops him. She tells Erica she’ll talk to her later. When Erica leaves, Candace tells the suddenly clueless Jeffrey to give her the phone. She calls War and he says he put the keys with “the package.” She tells Jeffrey to call a locksmith because his keys are gone. She has to repeat herself and finally tells him they’re with Quincy. Jeffrey freaks that she buried Quincy in the backyard. She says it’s not like Jeffrey was helping, which is so true.

Jeffrey tells her what happened with Justin and that he thinks Justin is suspicious. Candace says they can use this. She tells Jeffrey to play Justin and find out what he knows. Jeffrey says Quita told him the neighbor said three men went in, but only two went out. Candace says they can’t move the body because cameras are trained on the house. Jeffrey says Justin put a gun to his head and Candace is like, welcome to my life. Jeffrey says Justin is crazy and Candace tells Jeffrey to be crazy. She tells Jeffrey to call a locksmith and says she has to speak to Benny.

Hanna is rifling through cupboards and cushions at the Cryer house. Is she looking for change? She pulls out every dollar from every pocket, change purse and whatever else she can find.

Wyatt is partying and when some guy tells him to slow down, he tosses him out. The hotel room is full of lowlifes sharing the wealth and there’s a huge plate of cocaine on the table.

Quita gets sprung and meets Veronica in her car outside. Quita says there’s a hit out on Veronica, and one of their boys is at her house right now. She says he has orders to shoot whoever comes in first. Veronica asks why she’s telling her this. Quita says she needs Veronica’s help to find Quincy. She tells Veronica about what she found at Candace’s and that Jeffrey was driving Quincy’s car. She says she knows Candace and Jeffrey must have done something to Quincy. Veronica tells her to calm down and go home and she’ll call her later.

David comes to the jail and asks when Veronica was processed. The guard says she left a half hour ago. He tries to visit Jim, but that’s a no since he’s not authorized.

Kathryn meets with Lloyd and finds out about the $12 million that Wyatt was given. He says he tried to call her. He also tells her about the $7 million Jim moved to the “Candy Cane Company” that was allocated for taxes and that they have to pay the bill. She tells him to move the money. He also tells her that Jim’s lawyer thinks they should move a bunch of money out in case of a lawsuit.

When Kathryn gets home, Hanna comes out and tells her she went through everything and came up with 900 dollars and she’ll expect the rest of her pay on the first of the month. Kathryn gives her whatever from her pocketbook. Hanna says she just wants what’s owed her. Kathryn says no one, not even her mother, has cared for her like Hanna has and if she walks out the door, Kathryn is lost.Hanna tells her she’s already lost. She asks what she can give Hanna and Hanna says she’s not for sale.

Kathryn says Hanna isn’t Candace and tells Hanna about the $7 million. She says she knows Candace must have been blackmailing Jim. She tells Hanna about Wyatt getting his trust fund and says she can’t bury another child. She begs Hanna not to leave. Hanna says she has to go. Kathryn asks if this is it and Hanna says she has to check on her grandson. She leaves, leaving Kathryn saying, please.

Mitch shows Jeffrey the paper with the picture of him and Veronica. Apparently his first concern is the age difference. He says that he pissed David off and now David is messing with their business. Mitch asks what David wants and David says details. Mitch tells him to spill, but Benny says that’s for Veronica to do. Candace comes in to talk to Benny.

Mitch leaves and Candace asks if Benny has seen War. Benny says he tried to get him to go into business with him, but it was a no. In the coincidence that is only soap opera world, War comes in. War gives Candace a hug and whispers not to try anything. He says he’ll call her later.

When he leaves, Candace tells Benny that he should stay away from War. She asks him what’s going on and how business is. He says good and she asks if he thought about the lawsuit. He says he has what he needs already. She says she spoke to someone who said he can get $10 million, but Benny says he wants to make his own money. He asks why it’s important to her and she says there’s something she needs to handle and she’s going to have to mortgage the the house and tow yard. Benny says no way. He asks what kind of problem she has. When she doesn’t want to say, he tells her to get out.

He says she’s lost her mind and asks if she’s in trouble. He says he’ll kill whoever it is. She says she’s not in trouble and he repeats who is it. She says it’s just a business opportunity that she’s going to miss. He tells her to never ask him again. She pretends she was kidding and asks if he’ll still meet with the lawyer. She says he won’t even have to go to court since they’ll probably settle. He says he’ll think about it.

The party at Wyatt’s hotel room continues. Now he’s shooting up. No good can possibly come from this.

Kathryn visits Jim in his cell. He tells her she looks good, and she says she’s not in the mood for a nice Jim right now, because that means he’s worried. She tells him about Lloyd and that Hanna quit. He says it’s the first step to a lawsuit. She tells him about Wyatt getting his inheritance. Jim asks where he is and she says she doesn’t know. He says to find Wyatt and rip DA Jennifer a new one.

Jennifer can’t find Wyatt either. David comes busting in and asks where Veronica is and if she left a home address. He manhandles Jennifer and says he needs to see Jim. She tells him to see Maggie. She says he has time for Maggie and not for her, since he’s the only man on earth. He asks her to please let him see Jim. She tells him five minutes and calls to give him allowance.

Candace and Benny visit a lawyer. He thinks it will be an easy case and settlement a good possibility. Candace says she’ll contact the grandfather of the little girl who was killed. The lawyer says she should be a lawyer. She says she’s in law school and he says if she can make this happen, he’ll offer her a position when she graduates.

Hanna is at the hospital to see Quincy Jr. The doctor says she can’t see him and she has to talk to child welfare. The social worker tells her that it’s been decided Quincy Jr. is better off with Candace since Hanna has no home for him. Hanna says Candace got to her. She says she did what’s best for her grandson. Hanna asks if she can see him before Candace gets him, but Aliyah says no.

Erica asks Candace what Benny said, and she says he lost it when she brought up the mortgage. Erica says she can forge the documents in an hour. Candace doesn’t want to do it, but Erica says this is War she’s dealing with. Candace makes a phone call, telling the grandfather about the pending lawsuit and asking if he would like to join them. She asks if he’ll meet her later at the house. Erica says she can pay the mortgage back as soon as they win the case. She says she’s going to work on the deeds and Candace doesn’t have a choice.

Veronica drives up to her house. She looks on the surveillance camera from her tablet and sees a guy hanging out inside. She calls Maggie and tells her thanks for planting the picture. She says she knew her marriage was over but didn’t have the guts to end it. She says she wants to talk to Maggie about some sensitive David issues and asks her to meet her at the house. Great move!

Next week, David visits Jim who says it’s too late, Hanna wants to see Candace, and Kathryn threatens to kill Jennifer..

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Erika is having a dinner party. Those always go so well. Yolanda calls. She’s having a bad day and Erika lets her off the hook to come.

LisaR and Kathryn are taking a limo together. Kathryn is anxious to meet Erika’s husband, Tom. Lisa says he’s super smart and has charisma up the kazoo. I think that’s gazoo, Lisa.

Erika doesn’t do cooking, so a fabulous meal is being prepared by chefs. She says she doesn’t tell Tom about the petty nonsense that goes on between the girls, so he’s clueless about what happened at Yolanda’s party. Eileen also can’t make it because she’s working. LisaV also has to leave early due to a charity event.

Kathryn bugs LisaR about not eating. For the love of all that’s holy, leave her alone. Ken is there, but the other husbands have work duties. Tom joins the group. He seems like a pretty cool guy.

They sit down to dinner. LisaV brings up Tom calling her a worthy opponent and he says she’s the only one he has in life. He says he decided to be a lawyer because of watching Perry Mason. LisaR talks about how kids come up to her husband and say LA Law inspired them.

Kathryn bugs LisaR about eating again. She claims she’s just joking and Lisa says she’s pushing it. She thinks Kathryn is being inappropriate and threatens to repeat her performance in Holland. LisaV suggest giving her a sippy cup and the mood lightens.

Erika says it’s slow process for her to show emotion. Kathryn asks if people have to prove themselves to her and gets a little animated. Tom gets involved in the conversation and in her individual interview, Erika says Kathryn doesn’t have to hit them over the head with her personality. Erika says closeness develops over time and Kathryn says to throw her a freakin’ bone. In her interview, LisaR says Kathryn is being loud and aggressive, and she’d like to muzzle her. Erika says she’s not cold, but cautious and LisaV says it comes across that way sometimes. Lisa says she has a problem of coming across controlling and brings up the web making comment.

Erika tells Kathryn thanks a lot, since she thought she was confiding in her. Kathryn says she was glad Erika opened up. Erika rolls her eyes and Kathryn tells her knock it off. Erika is like why are you telling at me in my own home? Kathryn says she’s losing the argument and Tom wonders if they do this all the time. Erika says they don’t have to like her and LisaR asks why Kathryn felt the need to repeat what Erika said. Kathryn says she wanted a reaction. LisaR says hallelujah for honesty. Erika says Kathryn put a wedge between her and LisaV’s potential friendship.

LisaV keeps interjecting things about the web comment. Tom says it’s both a positive and negative statement. Kathryn says maybe LisaV didn’t get the gist. Lisa says, oh now it’s my fault, joking around. She says she really has to jet, but it’s been real and she’d like to get to know Erika better. Tom says something about her having to leave, even though Bravo’s preview led us to belive he was asking Kathryn to leave. Actually, I wouldn’t blame him if he asked everyone to leave.

Erika is appalled at the whole thing and says it’s not what she wanted. Has she ever watched this show and seen how dinner parties end up? Hell, she was in the midst of one last week. She adds that she’d never come to someone’s home, meet their husband for the first time and act like an ass. So, she’d wait for the second time? LisaR says Kathryn doesn’t have malicious intent, but she likes to push buttons and she’s had enough now. Erika rates the dinner party as a negative 5 and says she’s never doing that again.

Commercial break. The Real Housewives of NYC starts on April 6.

Erika and Kyle are playing a game of tennis. Neither of them is very good and I identify. Kyle talks about how Mauricio’s company is involved with Habitat for Humanity. He just got back from Dubai and Kyle wants to open a store there. Kyle asks her how the party went. Erika says she tried to keep the whole conversation to a minimum in front of her husband, and now he’s pissed because he doesn’t like her being catty.

Kathryn and Don are shopping and he asks about the dinner party. Kathryn acts like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth about spreading the web comment. Don misuses that honesty word in true Wives fashion, saying Kathryn just tells it like it is. He does say she can be a little brutal at times though. Kathryn says she thinks she’s fair. I don’t know about that, but she sure has a big mouth.

LisaR and Eileen meet at the beach. Eileen says she’s been doing a lot of stunts on her show and has been having a lot of fun. Lisa says her hat’s off to Eileen for being in the soap business for over 30 years. Mine is too. Eileen questions Lisa’s reaction to Erika presenting LisaV as manipulative. LisaR says she wanted to be LisaV’s cheerleader, and she thinks LisaV can be manipulative, but so can a lot of them. Then she opens her big mouth and tells Eileen about how Kyle and LisaV passed comments back and forth about Yolanda. She says LisaV encouraged her to bring up the Munchausen’s issue. She says she’s allowed herself to be used as a pawn. Eileen says she’s speechless. So am I. None of these women are children, and I think they should all put their big girl panties on and think for themselves.

LisaR tells Eileen that Yolanda had lunch with Brandi and Kim the same day she canceled on Erika. Eileen thinks it’s her business, but she probably shouldn’t have worn herself out when she knew she had a commitment. Eileen says since she’s ill, she gives her a pass. Lisa says she thinks Yolanda uses her illness to her advantage. Lisa says something emotional isn’t being dealt with. Eileen says that’s not her experience with Yolanda. She says her gut feeling says to run from Yolanda since she’s more manipulative than anybody.

Kathryn, accompanied by Don, is getting a hearing test. She’s deaf in one ear. She says when she’s in a loud environment, the background noise sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher. She sees the doctor after the test. She says that people think she’s being rude when she really doesn’t hear them. Having loss of hearing in one ear, I totally understand this. The doctor offers her some kind of new device that she says is music to her ear. BA-DUM-BUM!

Kyle brings Yolanda some flowers. Yolanda is getting an award from the Global Lyme Alliance. She’s invited the girls to New York. She wants them to see that her problem is many people’s problem. Kyle wants to discuss the email. Yolanda says she felt attacked by Kyle. Kyle says it was between them and Yolanda sent it to everyone, but Yolanda says everyone was there for the original argument. She says she just wants clarity in her friendships with everyone and she’s better with one on one communication. Which totally explains why she wanted everyone to get the email. Kyle decides to just agree and move on, even though she didn’t really get an answer as to why Yolanda wanted to hang on to their altercation.

The ladies gather for the Habitat for Humanity gig. LisaR says none of them have manual labor skills, so this should be good. Eileen is working and will be joining them later. Mauricio explains the program to them on their way there. I do have manual labor skills and would love to do this.

Kyle says it should be interesting to see a group of ladies who don’t even paint their own nails paint a house. More about Habitat for Humanity is explained.

LisaV thanks Erika for dinner. She keeps joking about the web thing and Erika is over it. Later, Kyle says she’s afraid of spiders and it starts again. LisaV privately tells Kyle enough now. She says Erika has had enough and she’s obviously not laughing.

Erika tells LisaR and Eileen that she doesn’t trust Kathryn any more after she repeated what Erika said and then went through it at the dinner party. Eileen wants them to talk to each other and suggests asking Kathryn to come in on the conversation. Eileen asks Kathryn why she brought up the web thing at Erika’s house. Erika says she has a hard time having a relationship with LisaV because of her. Why would Lisa want to be friends with her and nice to her now? She says Tom was trying to get to know Kathryn. Kathryn says he’s lovely and Erika asks how she would know since she talked the whole time. Erica is waving her hand around and telling Kathryn to listen for once Kathryn tells her not to do that with her hand and Erika says, or what? Ooh, white rich people thug life. I’m also paraphrasing since Erika is talking pretty fast.

Erika says she wants to be friends with Kathryn, but this has hurt their friendship. Kathryn says she can be trusted, as long as she lets her know she needs to be trusted. LisaR says Kathryn is full of it and that she should have known better. Kathryn apologizes, but says they’re overly sensitive in her interview. Erica says she’ll give a person a second chance, but not a third.

Next week, the ladies go to a women’s cancer event, a dog slaughter protest goes in the wrong direction, Yolanda calls everyone out, and David Foster pretends to be a loving husband.

March 7, 2016 — GH & Vanderpump Tries to Rule

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sam is meeting Baxter. She’s speaking with Nicholas on the phone when Baxter walks in. They’re meeting at a bar that looks suspiciously like The Floating Rib, even though I thought they were supposed to meet in NYC. What did I miss?

Lulu asks to come in and Dante says of course. She sees the divorce decree. He says it seems so final, and it is, but seeing it in black and white is different. Lulu asks him to hear her out.

Sonny asks Carly if she’s going to leave him, and she says he doesn’t want to ask her that tonight. I guess that means she’s not in the best mood. She says she loves him, and he says he knows, but he also knows love has its limits. Carly says she’s hurt that he didn’t trust her. He says he was trying to protect her. She says she knows exactly the business strategy he was going for, but she hates that the business causes him to lie to her and the kids. She says she actually loves that he’s an alpha male and doesn’t feel she has the right to be angry about it. She’s angry at herself.

Lulu says she still feels all over the place, but mostly just sad about what happened to them. She says when Dante saved her life, it put everything in perspective and she realized she’s been unfair. She’s about to tell him something important when there’s a knock at the door.

Nicholas has ensconced Elizabeth and the boys at Windemere. Hayden says she knows Elizabeth is his dearest friend, but she obviously doesn’t like Hayden. She says they’re newlyweds and it is a little crowded. Why are these people on top of each other? It’s a castle for Pete’s sake. Nicholas says she seems sad and Hayden says she knows how he can cheer her up.

Baxter looks like a character out of American Psycho. Sam says she just went through a divorce and attained some big assets. She says she fudged a little, using the financial bigwig’s name to get him to meet her. He says it wouldn’t be the first time someone did that, but who did recommend him?

Hayden says Nicholas doesn’t know how much she needed that and I don’t want to know what it was. She says she called the hospital to see how Tracy is, and tells Nicholas what happened at the MetroCourt. She says it’s left her on edge and he asks when she became so attached to Tracy.

Dr. Mays, Griffin and Monica are in Tracy’s room. Griffin wants to observe the tests. Tracy is like, why not invite the whole world in? Dr. Mays says that Tracy’s MRI confirmed multiple brain lesions, which could indicate more than one brain tumor. They have to determine if it’s operable, but they need to see if it’s malignant first. Tracy asks if she has cancer and Monica says they don’t know yet.

Baxter talks to Sam about investments. Sam tells Baxter that “Rachel” was right about him and shows him her picture.

It’s Olivia at Dante’s door. She’s there to pick up Rocco’s blanket and gets nosy about the both of them being there together.

Carly says she’s angry with herself for looking the other way and enjoying the power without counting the cost. She goes over some of the things that have happened with their family and says she should have learned from it. She says after that, she hid her love for him, but when he kissed her at the hospital and Sonny said he knew her better than she knew herself, she was hooked again. He says now he’s losing her all over again.

Carly says she’s not leaving Sonny. What would be the point? They’d just end up with other people and break their hearts. Carly says she’d crawl on broken glass to be with Sonny, and that’s never going to change. He tells her the feeling is mutual. He says he needs her more than he’s ever needed anyone and always will. She asks how long always is.

Dante tells Olivia they were in the middle of something. The phone rings and it’s the station, telling him Raj was spotted. He leaves and Olivia says she doesn’t know whose timing is worse, hers or the criminals. She recognizes Lulu is worried about Dante because she loves him.

Griffin tells Tracy not to jump the gun on the prognosis. Dr. Mays says someone will let her know once the tests are scheduled.

Hayden says Tracy calls her at least once a week about ELQ. She says Tracy’s goal is to waste her time and annoy her. She says she never thought of Tracy as anything but a minor nuisance, but when she collapsed, it brought back Hayden’s father having a heart attack. She says he recovered and when she visited him in the hospital, he said he’d never leave her.

Baxter says he’s grateful for the recommendation, but he doesn’t remember Rachel. Sam says Rachel told her she ran into him in Vegas. Baxter said he was there, but he would have remembered such a beautiful woman. He excuses himself to check in with the Hong Kong office. Sam says to herself that he might be a good liar, but she’s better.

Nicholas says Hayden never talks about her family. She says her parents are gone now and she doesn’t see any reason to look back. She says she has a surprise for Nicholas.

Lulu says Dante is smart and doesn’t take unnecessary risks, but then she worries this will be the time something goes wrong and she’ll never be able to tell him what she came to tell him. Olivia tells her not to take for granted that someone will always be there and to say what she has to say while she has the chance. They hug, exchange I love yous, and Olivia leaves. Lulu picks up Dante’s wedding ring.

Carly says she knows the world is a dangerous place, and Sonny perpetuates the cycle with the business he’s in. Sonny says he tries his best to keep the peace and that if he wasn’t there, someone worse would take his place. Carly says he makes crime look good and danger look sexy and it’s not. She just wants it to stop.

Tracy is getting ready to leave the hospital, and Monica stops by. Tracy says she’ll be back when the biopsy is scheduled, and until then she’s moving on with her life. Monica says she needs support and isn’t doing herself any favors by isolating. Tracy says she’s leaving and Monica should do the same.

Griffin asks Monica how Tracy is. She says that Tracy is her own worst enemy, so she’s going to monitor things whether Tracy likes it or not. She asks Griffin if he has a second opinion and he says he has a few ideas. Monica tells him to pursue them. He says Dr. Mays won’t be happy and Monica is like, too bad for him.

Hayden gives Nicholas a first edition of The Great Gatsby as a wedding gift. She wrote an inscription, but she doesn’t want him to read it with her there because she’s embarrassed by sentiment. She tells im to read it after she’s gone. She’s going to the office, maybe just a little to avoid Elizabeth.

Baxter returns and Sam says she’s interested in having him manage her account. She asks Baxter to get her a scotch on the rocks. While he’s at the bar, she takes a screen shot of his phone contact list.

Lulu is looking at family photos when Dante gets back. He says it was a false alarm. Lulu grabs Dante and starts kissing him. He kisses her back.

Carly says she keeps thinking about Kiki bleeding on the pier. Sonny passes the responsibility ball to Ava. Carly says Ava is a terrible person, but Sonny needs to handle his own situation without guns. Using what? Balloon animals? Good luck with that.

Monica brings Tracy her anti-seizure meds and says she has to be diligent about following instructions. Tracy says Monica probably can’t wait for her to keel over and join Alan in the crypt. Monica says she’s put up with her for years and if she doesn’t like Monica overseeing things, than tough.

Nicholas reads the inscription: To my Gatsby, Love always, Your Daisy.

That’s the sentiment she was embarrassed about? I’m disappointed. Nicholas flashes back to asking Hayden to marry him. Wasn’t hat like a week ago?

Baxter is telling Sam about Asian investments, when Hayden almost walks into the bar. I guess it is The Floating Rib. What happened to the NYC plans?

Lulu tells Dante he’d said the divorce didn’t matter and he loves her no matter what, and she feels the same way. She says as long as they’re alive, they have a chance, and she wants to take it. Dante says him too. They decide to get back together.

Sonny says he’ll do what he can to deescalate the violence, but he doesn’t know how much he can help. Carly says it’s enough that he heard her. They talk about when they got back together the last time. They make some cute banter and end with I love yous. What is this? The Valentine’s Day episode?

Tomorrow, Lulu and Dante are together again, Hayden tells Nicolas that Baxter is lying, and Curtis asks Hayden if she’s in trouble.

Vanderpump Rules

Giggy! It’s just the opening credits, but omg, I love that dog. He is my TV dog crush, and next to my own, the cutest dog on the planet.

It looks like the servers are actually working at SUR. Katie blindsides Lisa by asking if she can have her engagement party at Lisa’s house. Like a kid who wants a dog, she says she’ll take care of it and clean up after it. Lisa says okay to a small barbecue. And they’d better be gone by sundown. The subject of Stassi being invited comes up, but Lisa isn’t having it. She puts the kibosh on Kristen as well. Katie is like, sorry, Stassi and Kristen.

Tom is getting ready to shoot a music video with his band Charles McMansion. They’ve spent 9K so far, and haven’t even filmed yet. An esthetician comes to Tom’s house to give Tom and Ariana facials with all the works in preparation. Is this in the budget? Tom says he doesn’t want a shot ruined by bad skin. Isn’t that king of thing that’s fixed on the film later?

James and Kristen meet at a wine bar. James has been sober for a whole week, so this is a great place for a rendezvous. In her individual interview, Kristen gloats over being able to drink buckets of free wine, while James can’t, proving once again that she’s not even human. Kristen tells James she hopes his last escapade was rock bottom. Kristen says she’s moved on and she’s happy (with some guy named Carter). They get some food, and as always on these shows, it looks fantastic.

Kristen brings up Lala. James says he’s not even interested in her. I give James the side eye. Kristen asks if he slept with mutual friend Jenna and he says yes, although he’d lied to her about it during the relationship. Kristen jumps up from the table, and won’t even give James a good-bye. Because she’s totally moved on and is happy with Carter. They talk outside the bar. James tells her he’s missed her and how they used to be best friends in the beginning. He says he misses her when he sees that little glare in her eye, and I choke on my cup o’ tomato soup.

Kristen says she’s a real catch, causing me to choke again. She hugs James and gives him a friend kiss. They go on down the sidewalk together, making me wonder if anyone paid the tab.

Kristen has been working on her T-shirt line for a year and a half now. She had a falling out with her original partner, and went into debt, but things seem to be picking up. Stassi has come with her to check on the line. Stassi asks if Kristen thinks that she’ll ever get back in with Katie, and then switches subject to Kristen making out with James in a car. She asks for details like it’s high school.

James tells Lala about the car make-out session. And how they ended up having sex on top of his beloved Beemer. Lala is like, you already have a huge string of misfortune in which Kristen is the common denominator and asks what the blip is wrong with him.

Scheana is at Katie and Schwartz’s place, helping with the engagement party plans. Schwartz says Katie isn’t giving much thought to the budget. She says Schwartz isn’t contributing many ideas. Katie tells them it’s going to be at Lisa’s house, but Lisa doesn’t want Kristen or Stassi there. Scheana flashes back to her own engagement party experience, and how Kristen created chaos with Stassi and says this is probably a good idea.

It’s a busy night at SUR. Lisa is talking to Jax on his break. He asks for Saturday night off because he’s due in court in Hawaii early on Monday. Lisa asks if he knows what the outcome is going to be, but he doesn’t. It could be anything from a slap on the wrist to jail time. Lisa says she’s glad in a way and asks if he’s learned a lesson. Jax says sometimes it doesn’t hit him until later what he’s done and he absolutely has remorse. Lisa says the only thing he does better than getting into trouble is getting out of it. She tells Jax okay on the day off and tells him hopefully, she’ll see him on Tuesday.

Some of the gang goes to the turtle races. Yes, you read that right. Stassi says she’s trying not to be aggressive with Katie in pushing the friendship. When Katie shows up, they share an awkward hug. Katie says Stassi does seem to have changed. Kristen has brought Carter, with whom Katie once had a one-night stand. Figures. More awkwardness. I think Schwatz is a little turned on though.

Kristen says she’s not thrilled with a dive bar turtle-racing date, but it’s a trade-off for stepping out on Carter with James. I think this looks like a weird and fun place to spend an evening. Katie breaks the bad news to Kristen and Stassi that they’re uninvited to the engagement party. Stassi says it blows, and Kristen says Lisa is still finding a way to yell at her even though she doesn’t work at SUR anymore.

Jax and the newly enhanced Brittany are out for dinner. More fabulous food! Brittany teases Jax about it being his last free meal and gets his hackles up. He says it’s not like he robbed a bank. They talk about the engagement party. Jax says he’s not fully on board with marriage, whatever that means. Oh, it’s the old why do you need a piece of paper argument. Well, there’s a lot of legal reasons for one. Brittany says she wants to know if they’re in a committed relationship or did Jax have her move there for nothing? Jax says he’s at a moment of crisis and talking about marriage right now is too much. I have to admit, this probably isn’t the best time to bring it up. Brittany says if you love someone, it’s important to move forward and Jax loses his appetite.

Schwarz and Jax are practicing some golf swings and Jax tells him about the marriage discussion. Jax hates hearing about Tom’s band, so he brings them up. Methinks Jax is jealous that Tom actually has some things going on in his life other than going to court. Schwartz tells him about having the party at Lisa’s place, and how Stassi and Kristen aren’t allowed to attend.

The music video is being set up. Schwartz is there to help and is impressed with the craft service table. Most of the cast is working for free and several of them are Tom’s co-workers. He’s left Scheana out because he knows it will be a grueling day and he can’t afford dealing with someone who wants to talk about feelings. Lala is featured in the video as a straight-laced woman unleashed by a sexual liberation machine. That first part will probably be a stretch for her.

Schwartz talks to Ariana about how she and Tom are being unfairly treated by the others. From what we see of it, the video actually looks pretty good.

The swans and ponies are in place at Villa Rosa. Schwartz is there wandering around and inadvertently lets the ponies into the house. Lisa appears, asking him if he’s crazy, saying they’re going to poop on the floor. She is not too thrilled. Schwartz tells her the party is going to be a “linen and lace theme,” but Lisa can dress however she wants. Gee, thanks. He talks about the food. Lisa keeps telling him how she wants the party six miles away from the house. She adds that she doesn’t want to see Stassi or Kristen either.

Stassi is apartment hunting. Ugh! One of the realtors has a man bun. The realtors leave them to discuss and instead of the apartment, they discuss the upcoming engagement party. They’ve decided to crash it regardless of Lisa’s wishes. They seem to think that Lisa would be concerned about appearing selfish and not ask them to leave. I don’t think they know Lisa very well. I’m not saying she might not let it go, but it won’t be for that reason.

It’s Friday night dinner prep at SUR. Jax says he’s leaving early to get ready for his flight. Scheana says Jax is being too nonchalant and needs to take it more seriously. He hopes he’ll be back in time for the party. Katie tells Ariana she hopes she and Tom can make it, and they don’t have to pretend to have too much fun. Bleh. She didn’t have to make that remark.

It’s time for Jax’s departure. Brittany asks what’s going to happen and wishes she could go with him. Jax says he feels like he’s in jail already in his apartment. He thinks it’s time to slow things down. He thinks letting Brittany moving in was a mistake and too much for him. I think he’s an idiot and Brittany is too good for him.

Next week — the finale (…sniff…) — Stassi and Kristen crash the engagement party, Jax fights with James, and Lala and Kristen tangle.