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Dec12

December 11, 2015 — GH, Little Chefs & Zombies

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital – Thursday

Dillon finds Johnny behind the bar. He says he’s going to call the cops, but Lulu tells him to chill.

Olivia asks where Dante is. Valerie says he’s out getting baby aspirin.

Bad dude tells Robin that Helena is dead. He says she has explanations to make. She says to who? And Jerry Jax pops in.

Patrick tells Sam it’s over. She says her love for him hasn’t changed.

As our early Christmas gift, Elizabeth tells Jason she lied to everyone. Woohoo! He asks how long she’s known who he is and she says since the Nurses Ball in May.

Olivia says she resents Valerie sabotaging Dante and Lulu’s marriage. She says that Valerie’s presence is making things worse and she obviously doesn’t care that she’s breaking up a family. Dante walks in and asks what’s going on.

Johnny says technically Lulu is an accessory to his fugitiveness. Lulu suggests Dillon act like he never saw Johnny.

Jason says he felt wonderful that Elizabeth was willing to take a chance on him when there were so many unknowns, but it turns out that she knew everything. He asks if Nicholas was the one who told her and she says yes. She says she had every intention of saying something at the Nurses Ball, but when she saw how happy Sam and Patrick were, she couldn’t. Jason finally has a clue and says she didn’t do it for them, she did it for herself.

Patrick says that Sam wants to prove Elizabeth is lying because she wants him to choose between them. He asks who she loves more. She doesn’t want to answer, and he says Jason is the love of her life, and it’s not fair to anyone if they stay together. Sam asks if he can’t give her more time to adjust to things.

Jerry says now that Helena has passed, he has to take up where she left off, and Robin is his first priority. She says she’s making progress. Jerry says she’s not moving fast enough. She was supposed to keep Helena alive. Apparently, he thinks science can be rushed.

Lulu says Johnny helped her through difficult times and she wants to help him now. Dillon runs down the list of all his crimes, but Johnny has an answer for everything.

Olivia says Valerie is trying to take Lulu’s place. Dante says that’s not true and Lulu said it was over. Dante says Olivia is taking Sonny’s cheating out on Valerie.

Jason asks if Elizabeth was going to lie to him for the rest of his life. He asks if she was going to keep him from Danny and Sam. And what about poor confused Jake? Elizabeth said she knew everything would be okay, because she lives in a dream world and thinks words can fix this.

Emma is on her way home. Patrick says it will be better if they don’t drag things out. He wishes they could go back to when things were easier, but it’s not going to happen. He says Jason coming back has changed everything, including what they meant to each other. He doesn’t want things to turn bitter. Sam tells him she loves him, but she understands that he deserves more than just part of her heart. She gives him back the ring. Patrick says he doesn’t blame her and she shouldn’t blame herself.

Jerry says imagine the profit margin on immortality. He says Robin’s research has hit a dead end and ergo she has too. Robin says she’s developing something new, but she needs Helena’s body. Hmmm…is she going to bring Helena back to life? Remember Stavros?

Emma pops in the door and asks when Patrick and Sam are getting married. Um…never?

Olivia says Dante and Lulu owe it to Rocco to put their differences aside. She raised Dante as a single mother and doesn’t want Rocco to have the same upbringing.

Dillon asks why he should cover for Johnny since he doesn’t owe him any favors. Lulu says he owes her a favor though.

Elizabeth says she’s sorry and Jason says she’s sorry she got caught. Ha-ha! She says she didn’t want any of this to happen, but he says oh yes she did. He says she got in between him and anyone who wanted to tell him the truth. He says she had him kick the mother of his child out. Elizabeth says she’s also the mother of his child, and Jason says that doesn’t give her the right to dictate who else is in his life.

Jerry says if he can’t shoot it, fight it or make money off of it, it’s of no interest.  It’s good to have a credo.

Emma says she stayed away for as long as possible so they could be romantic and when’s the wedding date? Sam tells her that it’s not going to happen. She says they decided it would be best if they split up. Emma starts to cry and says no it’s not. Patrick tries to explain that what Sam and Jason have is too strong, even though they tried. Sam says it’s better for Emma and Patrick if she and Danny leave. Emma begs her to stay. Geez, this is almost making me cry, even though I couldn’t care less about Patrick.

Lulu says Dillon wanted her to find out about Dante so she’d turn to him. She says he can redeem himself by keeping his mouth shut. He says it’s emotional blackmail and she asks if it’s working. He says he’ll stay quiet, but if anything happens to Lulu, all bets are off.

Dante brings up the separation papers. Olivia says Lulu was hurt and just lashing out. Olivia says if Valerie really cares about Dante, she’ll back off. Dante says that’s not her call. Olivia says if he continues down this path, he’ll be throwing his life away and eventually regret it. She leaves.

Emma gets a little hysterical and tells Sam if she’s going to leave, get out now. She starts crying that she misses her mommy and I tear up.

Robin says Jerry doesn’t have to kill her, and she won’t say anything if he just sends her home. Sure, that will work. He says he needs to eliminate the uncertainty by eliminating her. She says if he can’t let her go, at least let her keep working.

Elizabeth says she was afraid if she told Jason the truth, he would leave her. Jason says, so she took away his choices. She says she was afraid if Sam knew the truth, she would take him away. Jason says all he’s done is push Sam away since he found out who he was. Elizabeth says he must know she did the wrong things for the right reasons and they can still be together. What an ass.

Lulu tells Johnny as much as she would like him to remove Valerie from her life, too much could go wrong. She says it’s a shame it can’t be retroactive, but what’s done is done. Johnny is leaving in the morning. I like Johnny and wish Lulu would run off with him. He goes to bed and Olivia shows up. She says she knows how hurt Lulu is and that she needs time, but…and she doesn’t finish.

Lulu says that Olivia is clearly upset by something with Dante. Olivia says she found Valerie looking after Rocco and she’s afraid if someone doesn’t take action, things will get out of hand. I think maybe it’s too late for that.

Dante tells Valerie that none of it is her fault. She asks if Dante would rather be alone.

Robin’s phone rings. It’s Emma and Robin asks to talk to her since Jerry is going to kill her anyway. Emma begs her to come home. She says she doesn’t understand why people who love each other don’t stay together. Robin says one day she’ll understand that Emma kept her alive and she loves her. Emma asks why she can’t come home then. Robin says she just can’t, but remember she loves her and says good-by. Emma is killing me here.

Elizabeth says Jason doesn’t remember his past, but he remembers the love they’ve recently shared and they can work it out. He says she didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth and manipulated him; therefore, she doesn’t really love him. He says admitting everything now is too late.

Johnny finds Lulu drinking and asks if he can join her. He asks what happened to going home and she says Olivia stopped by, so there was a change of plans. She says she wants him to make Valerie go away. Me too.

Valerie leaves Dante’s. He asks himself what the hell he’s doing.

Jerry says he’s more or less inherited Robin and has to bring things to a satisfactory close. She says he has nothing to lose and everything to gain by letting her continue working. He says she has 48 hours. Where is Eddie Murphy when you need him?

I’m going to need some aspirin before this episode is over. Emma is crying her eyes out and Sam tells Patrick it is for the best, and he deserves to be loved the way he loved her. Patrick hopes that things work out with Jason. It’s okay, Sam, Patrick would only hog the mirror. When Sam leaves, Emma tells Patrick she wants her mommy and collapses in his arms crying. Honestly, this kid should get an award. Patrick says they’ll find mommy.

Elizabeth says she and Jason can be happy. He says living a lie isn’t his idea of happiness. He says it turned out the woman he loved is no more real than Jake Doe and that she broke his heart. He leaves on his motorcycle, leaving Elizabeth going wah-wah-wah, and me saying, good.

Tomorrow, will Jason seek Sam out?

Commercial break during The Big – It’s about time Sheldon and Amy got back together – Bang Theory. Angel from Hell will be premiering in January. It’s been so long since they announced the new shows, I’d forgotten all about it. September to May television seasons are now nothing but a dim memory.

General Hospital – Friday

Curtis meets Hayden at The Floating Rib. He says he found the stray bullet at the garage.

Carly is being a helicopter mom to Morgan. He says he know she and Sonny are worried, but he’s taking his meds and they don’t need to be. Kiki is now waitressing and thanks Carly for dropping the charges and giving her a job. Kiki asks the lady at the next table what she can get for her and it’s Ava who says, a conversation with her mother.

Sam is staying in the guest room at Alexis’s house. She tells Alexis and Julian that she and Patrick aren’t together anymore.

Elizabeth is sniffing Jason’s jacket when Nicholas shows up. I’m not kidding. She was really sniffing his jacket.

Sonny is working the punching bag at the gym. Jason comes in and asks what the bag ever did to him. Ha-ha! Sonny says he wasn’t expecting to see Jason and Jason replies that he wasn’t expecting a lot of things. Well, sorry, but he should have seen them coming. Sonny asks how Jason got in because he had the doors locked. Jason says he told the guard that he was Sonny’s best friend and Sonny says, fair enough. Jason says he wants to punch something out.

Elizabeth tells Nicholas that Jason is gone and not coming back. She says that Sam told him that Elizabeth knew who he really was and when confronted, she confessed. More like he had to drag it out of her.

Sam tells Alexis and Julian what happened.

Kiki asks if Ava wants coffee. Ava says she doesn’t have to treat her like a stranger and Kiki says that’s what she is. Ava asks for two minutes.

Carly says every day they’re making advances in drug therapy. She says that both Morgan and Sonny are bi-polar, but experience it differently, and that being healthy doesn’t have to mean life is boring, although Morgan isn’t so sure about that. She asks if he’s taking his meds. He says he already told her he was, but he doesn’t like the way they’re making him feel.

Hayden tells Curtis she’s impressed, especially since he doesn’t have a car. He gives her a bill for an SUV rental. She asks why he couldn’t have gotten a sub-compact. He says the garage is a front and most criminals drive SUVs. You learn something new every day.

Morgan says he just feels different and that maybe he isn’t used to the meds yet. Carly tells him that Sonny would be a good sounding board, but Morgan says Sonny has enough going on and that he needs some trust right now.

Kiki screams at Ava to leave her alone and breaks a glass.

Jason asks Sonny if there’s been any change in his condition. Sonny says not yet, but if Jason hadn’t stepped in, he wouldn’t have made it. Jason starts punching the crap out of the bag. He tells Sonny about Elizabeth lying to him.

Elizabeth says Laura predicted correctly. She tells Nicholas about Jason kicking Sam out, but then going to her. She says she told him Sam was just jealous, but Jason kept hammering at her until she confessed. She says it ended up costing her everything just like Nicholas had said it would. I’ll bet Nicholas isn’t too happy about this on a couple of levels.

Curtis says he can’t prove the bullet did or didn’t come from Shawn’s gun without the gun, which is in possession of the PCPD. HE says he has friends in high places though.

Carly tells Ava blindsiding Kiki on her first day is no way to build a relationship. She tells Ava it’s her restaurant and to get out. Ava asks what she thinks family court will feel about that. Carly leaves. Kiki asks Ava what she wants and Ava says for the arctic chill between them to end. She asks Kiki to give her a chance to fix things, but Kiki says that will never happen.

Elizabeth says it’s her own fault and blah-blah-blah sorry she’ll be taking Nicholas down with her because Jason is mighty pissed. She says she not only wrecked her life, she’ll be wrecking his too. Despite my loathing Elizabeth, I give a nod to both the black and grey sweater she’s rocking and her hair color.

Alexis says Sam should try explaining things to Patrick. Julian says Elizabeth’s lies have nothing to do with her, but Sam says they do.

Jason tells Sonny the whole story and how Elizabeth knew since May. He says Carly was also telling him the truth, even though she didn’t know everything. Sonny says Carly’s instincts are usually spot on. Jason says everyone thought he was dead and Elizabeth just let them continue grieving.

Ava tells Kiki she’s breaking her heart. Kiki says look on the bright side, at least she isn’t screwing Ava’s boyfriend. She tells Ava that as a mother, she was supposed to protect her. Ava says she just wants to be sure Kiki is okay and Kiki says she’s fine and leaves the table. Carly tells Ava time’s up. Ava says that if she wants visitation, she’ll let her stay and take her order. Morgan tells her to get lost.

Alexis tells Sam she made a mature decision, but Sam says it was really Patrick. Julian says she and Jason can get back together now, but Sam says that’s up to Jason.

Sonny and Jason are passing a bottle of whiskey back and forth. Sonny tells Jason about how he and Carly always found their way back to each other, and that when they used to fight, Jason would always play middleman. He says in the end, he always forgave Carly because he’d rather accept what she did than live without her. Jason asks if that’s what Sonny thinks he should do with Elizabeth. Hell to the no on that one.

Ava says she’ll leave, but Carly can’t tell her when she can and can’t see Kiki. On the other hand, she has control over when Carly and Sonny can see Avery. Carly says she’d better not violate the court order. Morgan says blah-blah-blah and Ava leaves.  Kiki and Morgan chat about their respective mothers while picking up the glass. Kiki asks how he’s doing and he says fine for someone whose mental health revolves around a prescription bottle. He says he feels flattened out, like a balloon with the air taken out.

Curtis tells Hayden that if she wants him to continue, he needs a little more time and a lot more money. He asks if she wants to prove someone other than Shawn wanted her dead.

Nicholas says that maybe Jason will realize Elizabeth did what she did for love. She thanks Nicholas for standing by her. He says all the people lining up to judge her don’t walk in her shoes and she doesn’t owe anybody any explanations. She says sooner or later Jason is going to be knocking on his door and to be careful.

Sonny tells Jason that a lot of people tried to talk him out of working for Sonny, but he made his own decisions. Sonny says that Elizabeth wanted him for herself and didn’t care how anyone else suffered. He wouldn’t forgive her, but he says Jason isn’t him. Carly comes in. Jason says he has something to do. He tells her she was right and that she really knew him better than he knew himself.

Sam asks if she and Danny can spend Christmas with Alexis and Julian. They both say, of course, and Alexis adds that they’re her parents and will support her no matter what. Sam reminisces about the previous Christmas with Patrick. She leaves the room and Julian tells Alexis that he feels Sam with Jason is a bad idea because of how often he put her in danger.

Hayden says of course she wants proof, that’s why she’s going broke paying him. Nicholas comes into the restaurant and sees them talking.

Sonny tells Carly about Elizabeth lying. She says thank God, and he says that’s not exactly the reaction he expected. Carly says she didn’t mean it that way, but she’s glad she wasn’t wrong. She says the best part is that Elizabeth did it to herself and Carly had nothing to do with it. He says Jason can probably forgive Elizabeth for what she did to him, but not what she did to everyone else. Sonny advises Carly not to talk to Jason about it right now. He asks about Morgan and Carly says they had a good talk and Morgan is taking his meds.

Morgan shows Kiki his pills. Why isn’t he taking them? Kiki says he seems good, but he still has to adjust. Morgan says he wants to be friends. Kiki says seeing her mom brought back a lot of stuff and she thinks they should stay only friends, and is that what he wants. He says no and I laugh. He says that he’s okay with it though. He gets a call from Darby, who I guess is only on the show when needed for Morgan’s rebounds.

Julian asks if there’s a chance that Sam will get back with Jason. Sam comes down the stairs and she says don’t worry, they’re just friends. She says she’ll have to accept it if he goes back to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth sees Jason on the porch. He’s getting a call from Sam. Elizabeth comes outside and asks if he’s home. He looks at the phone.

Lulu and Johnny plot about Valerie and hopefully Elizabeth gets bad news.

Master Chef Junior

Tonight, the kids have to make the perfect lemonade. In the Nickelodeon moment of the night, the losing team gets drenched in the stuff. Luckily, Christina’s team wins, so she gets her wish not to get her hair wet.

In the challenge segment, each judge is dressed from the decade they were born. Gordon is dressed like a hippie (60s), Graham looks like he’s from Saturday Night Fever (70s), and Christina is a roller girl in workout wear (80s). While the lemonade winners don’t have to do the challenge, the others have to prepare signature dishes of each decade. Duck a l’Orange for the 60s (something I have never eaten, nor do I want to); Chicken Kiev for the 70s; and for the 80s, surf & turf, which I would have thought was also from the 70s, but okay.

Tip for tonight from Gordon – put a little flower on a metal pot/pan handle so you’ll know not to touch it when it’s hot.

Observation for tonight from me — vegetarians have it rough in these competitions.

Uh-oh, Gordon tells one kid he’d fire him. My father would have too. He put a mayo sriraccha sauce over the lobster and filet mignon.

These kids are probably just as cutthroat as the adults, but they genuinely cheer each other on and I imagine must have real sadness when one of their friends leaves.

It’s okay, kids who went home, I wouldn’t have made it past the lemonade.

Z Nation

Washington DC pre-Z – Citizen Z (Simon in this segment) has been arrested. His lawyer says he won’t take a plea bargain. The DA says if he loses they’ll peruse espionage charges and he’ll spend his life in prison. He says he’s a citizen, not a spy. An NSA officer, the leader of the team that hunted him down, says he has a best and final offer. He says if CZ comes to work for the NSA, they’ll drop all the charges. He says he needs an answer immediately and CZ will be stationed at the Camp Northern Light in the North Pole.

The agent gives him a paper and says he can’t even show it to his lawyer. CZ looks at it and laughs. He asks if it’s code for something. It says “zombies.” The agent isn’t laughing.

Flash forward to CZ right now. (And Pup!) His laptop says file locked and password denied. He’s been hacked.

Operation Bite Mark’s El Camino is dead. Roberta says they’ll have to travel on foot. No surprise Murphy isn’t thrilled.

Vasquez says everything looks the same and Doc says 4 years of a zombie apocalypse will do that. Robert asks how it came to this.

Pre-Z Roberta is back at her military training base. There’s been a change in deployment. She tells the soldiers they have to scratch Philly and they’re going to Trenton. She says she doesn’t ask questions, her job is to move vehicles. An ambulance siren is going off and she goes outside to investigate. She turns it off and sees a trail of blood. She opens the back of the ambulance to see someone under a sheet. She removes the sheet and it’s a zombie, but she thinks it’s just someone who’s really sick. Luckily he’s tied down. She goes to get help.

Everyone has disappeared and the phone line isn’t working. A TV announcement says to wait for important information. Suddenly, one of the soldiers who is zombified runs out and attacks Roberta. She shoots him in the head. Others follow and she continues to shoot while the TV announcer says not to panic.

OBM trudges forward. Murphy says he’s not feeling so good and wonders how much further. Addy finds a plaque and realizes they’re in Disneyland. “It’s a world of laughter; it’s a word of tears,” Doc says.

Pre-Z Doc is a therapist in his office talking to his patient, Larry. They’re both recovering addicts – Doc five years, and Larry 6 days. Doc asks if Larry is going to meetings and Larry says nobody is, it’s hard to get through the roadblocks. Doc says he has 15 more minutes. They hear something out in the hall and Doc goes to investigate. Another therapist is being attacked by patient Bernie who just found out his wife is leaving him. Doc tells Bernie he has the best therapist and it will be okay. Doc talks him down and they hug it out.

This is way cool seeing OBM pre-Z.

Doc opens the door to his office and thinks he sees Larry with “his gay lover” on the couch. He suddenly realizes it’s a zombie and pulls him off of Larry. Too late though. Larry’s been turned and that’s not a gay reference. Doc shoves Larry out the door and locks the office. He hears a scream, takes a golf club, and goes out into the hall. There’s a bloody zombie mess and Doc gets sick. He tries the exit door and sees panic in the streets. He downs a couple of oxys, says “here we go,” and goes outside.

Citizen Z says the servers have been powered down since the nuclear blast, and he can’t figure out how he was hacked. He sees something plugged into the server, says “well played,” and gets back online to see who’s been “sleeping in [his] bed.”

Pre-Z Addy is at a hockey game.  (I was at a fight once and a hockey game broke out. Ha-ha!) All of a sudden, there’s a zombie in the stands and everyone goes running. A couple of the players use their skates to crack zombies in the head in the hallway, but they become outnumbered. Addy is trying to get out and comes into the room where the players are fighting the zombies. One of the players saves her from getting bitten. She runs toward the rink with the player left standing and they get to another hallway. There are zombies pretty much everywhere and they have to fight them off as they go.

Addy says she has to get home because her mom and brother are alone. The two go out the exit to the street.

Murphy says, “Even for us, this sucks.”

Pre-Z 10K is watching as a flock of birds goes by. He’s fishing in a creek.  He takes his catch and is going through the woods. He sees the back of someone and asks if they’re okay. It’s a female ranger zombie with arrows stuck in her. 10K thinks she’s just hurt until she tries to attack him. More zombies come toward him and he runs. Whoa, they’re close. Now a crowd is after him and he slams into a tree. Luckily, he tumbles down a hill, but the zombies keep going

When he comes to, he calls for his dad. A zombie is coming toward him and it’s suddenly shot in the head. His father comes out with a gun and we learn 10K’s name is Tommy. His dad tells him sh*t’s going down and to grab a weapon and run.

Citizen Z hears an alarm from the computer. He’s following the path back to the hacker.

Pre-Z Vasquez is in a funeral parlor. The funeral director comes in and tells him he’s sorry for Vasquez’s loss. Vasquez approaches the coffins of his wife and daughter. The caskets are closed and he begins to cry looking at their pictures. He hears a scratching noise and asks if the funeral home has rats. Then he realizes the noises are coming from the coffin. The funeral director comes back in – as a zombie.

Vasquez is like wtf? and the director attacks him. Vasquez pulls a gun out of his sock, but because he’s not shooting the zombie in the head, his efforts are futile. Finally, Vasquez beats his head to a pulp with the butt of the gun. He hears more noise and runs to find the coffins overturned and his wife and child crawling around on the floor zombiefied. Wow. Tense scene. And a little depressing.

Commercial break. Oooh, The Forest looks good!

OBM are holed up in an underground building while zombies go past them above. Murphy asks himself what they want and does he care. He does but doesn’t know why. He says he doesn’t want to be the savior of the human race or the zombie messiah. He just wants to curl up and die. He wants to know where his mercy is.

Pre-Z Murphy is in the prison yard, where he and some other inmates are playing cards for cigarettes. Murphy folds. The guy next to him asks why he folded and wants to see his cards. There’s a fight, and an inmate gets stabbed. He turns into a zombie and attacks a guard. Murphy runs out and locks the gate behind him, leaving the card player who questioned him to fend for himself and get bitten.

Roberta asks Murphy if he can’t sleep. He says he can’t dream either. He says he doesn’t think he can do this. He asks Roberta to just take some pints of his blood and let him slip out. He says if she was his friend, she would help him. She says she’s not his friend, and she promised to get him to California. He’s afraid they’re going to hurt him and she says she won’t let that happen. Murphy says she can’t do that if she’s not there. She says there isn’t going to be a happy ending for any of them, but he has the chance to save them. Murphy says the zombies will be gone soon and she should wake the others.

Citizen Z traces the hacker. The final connection is in Hawaii. He hacks into the hacker’s computer. He looks into the files to find out they’ve been using him to track Murphy. He destroys the server.

OBM are hiking up a hill. Murphy asks, “Are we there yet?” Addy says they’re close, like just past the trees. The come out of the forest and see the Pacific Ocean. They also see what looks like a rest stop with cars in the parking lot, but it could be an underground lab. Roberta says she doesn’t want them walking into a trap, so she and Vasquez will check things out first. Roberta says if they’re not out in ten minutes, GTFO.

Roberta and Vasquez proceed with caution. Music is coming from the diner. They enter, guns drawn, and there’s an old lady behind the counter. She asks if they’d like tea and ginger sandwiches. I’m wondering if she means sandwiches made out of real fingers. Vasquez tells her to put her weapon on the counter. She does, but under the counter, there’s something that looks like a bazooka. And I don’t mean the bubblegum.

This was an awesome show! The explained each character’s backstory, but also showed the progression of the apocalypse.

Next week is the finale <SOB!>. The Zeros are back along with La Riena, and what’s left of the CDC.

 

Dec10

December 9, 2015 — Port Charles, L.A., a Divorcee & a Wife

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Lulu says what the hell and has another shot with Johnny.

Dante and Valerie go back to Dante’s place where they continue to make me ill.

Michael asks Felix if Dr. Lee is around. She’s not, but Michael says he wants to talk to her about Sabrrrina.

Sabrrrina is waiting for Michael at The Floating Rib and sees Patrick at the bar. He says he feels like he’s having a bad dream that he can’t wake up from. Welcome to my life.

Sam tells Jason that Elizabeth knew for months who he really is. He says it was a mistake to come over. Sam says he knows deep down something isn’t right and he can run away or hear her out.

Elizabeth tries to call Jason, but he doesn’t pick up. He says she’s probably worried about him, and Sam says she’s worried about something all right. Sam says he can run back to Elizabeth or give her five minutes to tell him the truth. He says she’s got five minutes.

Dante and Valerie are making out when there’s a knock at the door. Valerie makes herself scarce, but for once it’s not Lulu. It’s Olivia with Rocco. She asks how long the nonsense with Lulu is going to go on and when are they getting back together. Valerie eavesdrops. No surprise.

Johnny and Lulu flirt a little. Johnny says he was hoping he could stay there. He says his offshore accounts are being monitored, but if she can spare some cash, he’ll pay her back with interest. She tells him he can crash there, but she’ll have to see what she can spare. Dillon shows up and Johnny hides behind the bar.

Michael says he’s concerned about the baby’s size. Felix says it’s wrong to go behind Sabrrrina’s back, and that the baby is healthy and everything’s fine. Michael asks him to come with him to meet Sabrrrina.

Patrick, who has a nerve even discussing this with Sabrrrina, says he has trust issues with Sam now. Sabrrrina says she came out of things with Patrick fine (well, if you can call telling Michael that Carrrlos’s baby is his “ fine”), and he has to decide if he wants to fight for Sam or not.

Elizabeth leaves a message for Jason. Jake comes downstairs and says he can’t sleep, and wonders where Jason is.

Jason asks what proof Sam has. She tells him about how she found Elizabeth in the chapel and Elizabeth said she was hesitant to marry him because of Sam. She didn’t understand it at the time, but now she knows it’s because Elizabeth knew Jason was her husband already. She also tells him about Jake keeping a secret with Elizabeth and Laura. She tells him to open his eyes. She asks if Elizabeth has ever almost told him something and stopped, or shown him some other kind of weirdness. Jason asks if she’s just trying to convince herself so that they can get back together.

Dillon asks if he can talk to Lulu. She says now isn’t the time and she has to get the boat decorated. He says he can help, but she says she works better alone. He asks if he ruined their friendship.

Dante asks if he can talk to Olivia in the morning. She tells him to think of Rocco. He says it isn’t working out with Lulu and Olivia says he sounds like he’s giving up and he has to fight for his marriage. Isn’t that what you want? she asks.

Sabrrrina says when she saw Robin in the church, she knew things were over between her and Patrick, and she could have saved everyone a lot of heartache by just accepting it. She says he has to make a choice and that dragging it out causes the most damage. Michael comes in with Felix. They invite Patrick to join them for dinner, but he takes a pass.

Elizabeth tells Jake that his daddy will be home soon. Jake asks why she said she was worried in her phone message and she says that’s what moms do.

Sam says she understands that Jason doesn’t remember their life together, but she thinks he deserves to know the truth. She says that if Elizabeth had had her way, she and Danny would have never known he was back. She says to look into her eyes and then go home and look into Elizabeth’s eyes. IMO, he knows Sam is telling him the truth.

Felix makes something up to get rid of Michael for a minute. He tells Sabrrrina that Michael is asking questions about the size of the baby.

Lulu says she didn’t love that DIllon publicly exposed Dante as a cheater, but only Dante is responsible for his actions and she wouldn’t take her anger out on him. She suggests they “hit the reset button.”

Olivia asks Dante if he loves Lulu and wants to save his marriage or is he just throwing up his hands and giving up. Dante says Lulu still doesn’t trust him. Please. It’s only been five minutes and even after that you couldn’t wait until the body was cold. Olivia says there’s nothing odd about that, and he shouldn’t let the love of his life go. Dante tells Olivia about what happened on Thanksgiving and she calls Valerie a home wrecker. I concur.

Patrick comes home and Sam tells him Jason went back to Elizabeth and he has to figure out his own life.

Jason gets back to Elizabeth’s. Jake has fallen asleep on the couch. Jason says as soon as he gets Jake settled, he wants to talk to her.

Lulu tells Dillon that she and Dante are officially separated. She tells him Dante signed the papers, but doesn’t mention Valerie being there. She says she thinks Dante wants the marriage over and she does too. Dillon says he doesn’t believe it because she seems miserable. He says no matter what, he’ll be supportive. The he tells her he’s moving back to L.A.

Olivia says she thought Valerie was a one-time thing. Dante says he did too, but things changed. Olivia says Valerie was a mistake and he needs to man up and get rid of his bed buddy. Dante says Valerie is his friend and not to talk about her like that. Olivia says that it’s too bad he doesn’t have the same concern for his marriage.

Felix says that it’s better if Michael hears the truth from Sabrrrina rather than someone else and that when Monica sees the sonogram, she’s going to know.

Sam tells Patrick she told Jason everything. He asks if Jason believed her and Sam says he wanted proof. She brings up her interaction with Elizabeth in the chapel.

Jason comes back downstairs. Elizabeth asks where he was and he says he needed to talk to Sam. Elizabeth asks why he’d want to hear more of her lies. She says Sam is trapped in the past and she wants him to be trapped with her. Jason asks Elizabeth if she knew who he was before he did.

Olivia leaves and Valerie comes out of hiding. Valerie says she doesn’t think Olivia likes her too much, which is an understatement. Dante says she’s a fair person and will come around.

Dillon says he has to go where the work is. Lulu says, what about New York, but Dillon says his heart is in the San Fernando Valley.  (Ha-ha! I almost typed Valerie.) Johnny makes a noise and Dillon hears it.

When Michael gets back to the table, Felix says he’s got to jet.

Sam tells Patrick that what Jason chooses to do with the information she gave him is up to him. Patrick says he doesn’t know if he can trust her because she says one thing, but her actions indicate she’s still in love with Jason. She says a part of her will always love him, but she’s let that go. Patrick says she’s lying to herself and the future they were building doesn’t apply anymore

Elizabeth dodges the question totally, going on and on about how Sam is jealous and being spiteful. He says just answer the question, but she still doesn’t. Whoa. He says she’s making him not trust her by her evasiveness and if she doesn’t answer, he’s leaving. About time.

Valerie is sitting with Rocco and I tell her to take her hands off Lulu’s kid. Dante steps out to the store and I wonder who is going to show up while he’s gone.

Lulu asks Dillon if he wants to go to dinner. She tells him the noise was probably a harbor seal. Aren’t they in New York state? He pretends to go along with it, but then finds Johnny behind the bar.

I am so psychic. There’s a knock at Dante’s door and it’s Olivia.

Michael tells Sabrrrina that he’s worried about her. She says she understands it’s a scary time for him. He says he still wants to talk to the doctor, but she says they need to set up an appointment together. She asks if they can give it a rest for tonight though and just enjoy dinner. Good luck with that.

Patrick says he loves Sam, but he doesn’t think they can make it. He says she really wants to be with Jason and that’s okay because she deserves to be happy. He tells her they’re over.

Elizabeth tells Jason that the truth is she loves him. He doesn’t care, he wants his question answered. She says she accepted him with no questions asked. He says he just wants one question answered and why can’t she – OMG – SHE’S SAYING IT! SHE LIED ABOUT KNOWING WHO HE IS!

Tomorrow, everyone asks for more time with everything and Robin has some scenes.

Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles

JoshA brings Heather breakfast in bed. Heather isn’t pregnant and Josh is a little disappointed. Heather is surprised at that, but Josh says that when confronted with the possibility, he realized that she was a priority. She says he’s sweet and who exchanged him for the real Josh? He says he was just making excuses before, but now he’s ready for whatever comes. He wants to get married asap and suggests early spring.

They call Josh’s parents in Barcelona. I wonder what being a jet setter is like. He tells his mom that he and Heather are getting married April 2nd, and she gets pretty excited.

Mauricio from the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is the head of the agency where James and David work. They’re having their weekly staff meeting. David and James’s client looks like Dennis Hopper and scares me a little. The client is putting in an infinity pool to up the price on the house. The client wants it at $14 million, but David and James are like it’s more like $12.5. James says the best way to find out is an informal office poll.

JoshF is currently the number one agent in volume and two in commission. Josh and his husband are buying a house. Josh would rather live in a hotel, but he realizes Colton wants a normal life with a yard and a dog. The property is very pretty and Paul McCartney lives next door. Colton says it seems rushed though. Josh has gone from wanting to live at the Four Seasons, to Grandma Edith’s penthouse, to this house.

JoshF admits he’s been on an emotional roller coaster and Colton has been supportive, so he wants this for him. Colton says he thinks Josh is looking at it more as how much he can flip it for later, but Josh says he really wants some stability right now.

David is feeding his cute basset hounds. In a few weeks, he and Adrian are going to Italy where he’s going to propose. He tells Adrian he wants to bring the dogs (they have 5 between them), but he’s just having fun with her.

JoshA is selling a house on Doheny that he says has an “east coast vibe.” Unfortunately, it has construction going on next door, so they’ve had to drop the price by a million. In our language, I’m guessing that’s like $50K. He’s about to have a showing and his brother tells him the power is out. He’s checked the circuit breakers with no luck. The agent’s client is coming in the morning, so they show the agent the house using flashlights. Considering the camera people also have lighting, you can actually see it pretty well.  Josh says the consolation prize for the construction is the lowered price and the agent thinks it’s not a bad deal.

James and David are showing the infinity pool house to some agents. Did that guy just say there are no bathrooms upstairs? What kind of a skabillion dollar house is this? All of the agents agree that it’s worth closer to $12 million. They get together with scary guy Jay and tell him the bad news. Jay says they’re done because besides being scary, he’s unrealistic.

Jay says it’s a special project and they need to open up their minds. Ohmmm, James says they’re not going to spend a bunch of bucks in marketing to find out that they can’t sell it. Jay says he’s going in at $13.5 with them or without them. James and David say they’ll have to take a pass. David tells Jay he’s a schmuck if he goes with someone else after they gave him the idea for the pool that upped the value of the house. They all compromise at $12.995.

JoshF is getting himself beautified. His phone rings and he actually doesn’t answer it. It doesn’t matter. His office assistant hunts him down. He’d lost the house he wanted to buy to another buyer, and the seller is calling to see if he’s still interested. They go back and forth for a while with the assistant relaying the information. JoshF gets on the phone himself and says buyers aren’t exactly lining up for the property and makes a cash offer. He ends up getting the house. He says after Colton gets ahold of the property, it will be ready for Architectural Digest.

JoshA meets for lunch with Max and his business partner, John. He’s received an offer for the Doheny property, but both guys think it’s low. Josh says they should counter regardless. Josh calls the agent with a counter offer, but lets them know the clients really wanted to tell them to pound sand. He tells Max and John they should take the $8.5 million offer. He says if they wait, the market could change and the property could become stale. He says they should take the money and run. Everyone agrees. John says he’s never happy, but he’s satisfied.

Scary client Jay has everything staged and ready for the open house. The furniture has been custom made for the house and is included in the price. David is hoping they wrap things up quickly because he’s leaving for Italy the next day. Everything is gorgeous, but I think it would be weird moving into a place that had furniture already. I guess it’s good if you’re really busy.

James tells David that he wants him to enjoy himself in Italy and to turn his phone off and concentrate on Adrian.

JoshA was burned by JoshF showing a client a property before he could. He shows the client a different property. The client says he loves it, but he just bought the other property from JoshF. JoshA says compared to that property, this one is an estate and a better fit. And it’s move in ready. He says so much work needs to be done on the other one, he won’t be moving in for two years. The client decides to take the property and develop the one from JoshF. Since the sellers are also JoshA’s clients, he’s going to make out like a bandit.

It’s the finale. JoshA lists his blessings and says he feels like the luckiest guy on the planet.

David calls James and tells him Adrian said yes. He did a beautiful job in picking out the ring too. I’m impressed. David says how happy he is to be marrying the girl of his dreams.

James goes down Memory Lane with the properties he and David have sold. It’s been a phenomenal year.

Josh and Colton are moving into the new house. He reflects on the work ethic Grandma Edith gave him. He says things couldn’t be any better. He says although Edith isn’t with him any longer, he knows she’s looking down on him with pride.

Just a note on The Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce

This is a good show. Well written and acted. A divorcee Sex in the City. In the second season, main character Abby and her ex-husband are entertaining the notion of getting back together. Abby is hesitant though, because not only has she become the “new face of divorce” through her journalism, she’s enjoying her new life.

Last night, Bravo did a bit of a crossover. When Abby is out with her ex, she sees some paparazzi and assumes she’s been recognized. But it turns out they want Shannon from The Real Housewives of the OC . I like Shannon because she’s not afraid to poke fun at herself. When one of the photographers asks about her husband, she says it’s date night, the feng shui worked and to put nine in a bowl.

Dec9

December 8, 2015 — Port Charles & Beverly Hills

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Lulu is putting up Christmas decorations at the Haunted Star while listening to death metal. Maxie comes in and says she’ll untangle the lights. Lulu suggests that when she gets them untangled, she strangle Valerie with them. That gets my vote.

Bobbie asks Valerie what’s up. She’s been sneaking in and out to avoid everyone. Bobbie invites Valerie out to dinner. Hopefully on the docks where someone can push her into the water.

Nathan is meeting Maxie at Kelly’s, but Dante is also meeting Valerie there. Nathan suggests Dante change his venue since he won’t have any peace with Maxie if the two of them are there. Nathan reminds Dante about fraternization. Dante says what’s the big deal about having dinner with a friend? Nathan tries to give him good advice, but Dante is such a jerk, he doesn’t get it.

Nicolas tells Hayden he wants to love her but doesn’t think he can. He says he knows what she’s up to and tries to smother her. Ha-ha! It’s all a dream. They always get me with those.

The ten thousand roses arrive at Patrick’s. Emma makes a joke that the next time her dad buys her flowers, she’d prefer a different kind.

Sam tells Elizabeth to tell Jason how she’s been playing God with his life. Jason tells Sam to accept reality and calm down. She tells Elizabeth to tell the truth and Elizabeth says okay, but not with her there. Oh yeah, I’d totally trust that.

Commercial break. It’s that Ferraro Rocher time of year. Bring it on! My God, I love those candies.

Bobbie says she’s no one to throw stones and she knows Valerie will have a hard time with the first holidays without her mother. I don’t want to feel sorry for Valerie, but I know what that feels like and it’s not pleasant.

Maxie tells Lulu they’re adults and revenge isn’t the solution. She says it will just make things worse. Maybe she should let the rest of Port Charles in on that.

Sam is like yeah, right, you’ll tell the truth as long as I’m not here. She tells Elizabeth she’s no better than Hayden and goes off on her. When she gets to the word “bitch,” Jason gets loud. Please, someone hit this guy on the head and bring his memory back.

Nicholas comes in to the now-awake Hayden’s room. She says she’s afraid of her feelings for him, and he says he’s on to her, just like in the dream. He says she’s been lying about going to ELQ meetings. She says yes, she lied, but he might not like the answer.

Jason tells Sam he’s done with her and “this.” Sam asks what if he’s wrong. He says he doesn’t care and to get out. Sam tells Elizabeth to do the right thing while she can and leaves.

Emma is going to a sleepover so Patrick can get romantic with Sam. She says tomorrow they can start getting ready for the wedding. I don’t know about that…

Valerie says she wanted Dante and Lulu’s marriage to work out, but even though Dante apologized to no end, Lulu gave him separation papers. Bobbie says the distance between separation and divorces is like the distance between Florida and Alaska. She tells Valerie to be careful. She’s concerned that Valerie is taking shelter from her grief with the wrong guy.

Lulu asks how things could get worse and Maxie suggests she think about how things can get better. Lulu says Valerie falling off the face of the earth would make it better. Maxie says Rocco might be affected if Lulu does something stupid. She says Valerie doesn’t matter and Lulu and Dante need to fix things. She leaves to meet Nathan for dinner.

Nathan says he’s going to have to work and has to cancel his plans with Maxie. He begs Dante to stop seeing Valerie until he knows what he really wants.

Alone at the Haunted Star, Lulu hears someone. She has a giant candy cane in her hand and calls out that she’s armed. Who walks in but Johnny, and he says oh, look out, she’s armed with a candy cane.

Hayden says what she told Nicholas about downsizing ELQ is true, but she’s been working with a consultant outside of the office. She shows him a folder with her plans on how ELQ can save money. She says if they lay off a third of the employees, they can increase their profit margin. Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!

Valerie and Dante are at Kelly’s, which has suddenly replaced The Floating Rib as the place to be. Dante says he needs to tell her something, but she wants to go first. She says her feelings for him have grown stronger and she needs to know if he’s going to get back with Lulu.

Maxie comes to the station. She says she needs five minutes of his time. And she brought him some ribs from Kelly’s. Come on now, wouldn’t The Floating Rib be the place to get ribs?

Lulu tells Johnny that he’s a wanted man. He says he doubts he’s very important. He knows she and Dante split up and says he saw it coming.

Elizabeth says thanks for defending her. Jason says he came from an argument with Carly and couldn’t deal with any more. Elizabeth says he knows she doesn’t have anything to hide, right?

Sam comes home to Patrick. She tells him that she was at Elizabeth’s. He says he thought she was past that and she says she did do, but apparently not. She says that she just wants to see it through, but Patrick says she needs to do better than that.

Elizabeth says that Sam is just jealous. Jason asks what it was that Sam says she’s lying about, but she says she doesn’t want to dignify it with an answer. Jason ponders that.

Hayden says she clearly remembers why she broke the vase and it wasn’t because she was jealous of Elizabeth. She knows she was blackmailing Nicholas. She asks why he lied to her.

Dante says that right now he’s being selfish and wants to be with Valerie. He asks if she can handle an uncertain future. Oh I see. He wants to try and work things out with Lulu, but have Valerie just in case it doesn’t work out. Nice guy.

Johnny reminds Lulu of how Dante wanted her to get rid of the Haunted Star when he found out Johnny owned half. He says that their problem has always been that Dante didn’t trust her. Johnny says he’s sorry about what happened. Lulu starts to cry and Johnny hugs her. In a friend way.

Johnny and Lulu have a couple of shots, but Lulu says any more will just make her get sentimental and feel worse. Johnny asks what he can do for her. She says get rid of Valerie. Johnny asks if she wants him to kill Valerie.

I wish he would. Dante is going on and on about not facing up to his responsibilities and just wants to be in the moment with Valerie. She says she’s okay with the uncertainty as long as it means being with him for a while, even if it won’t be forever. These two are ridiculous.

Nicholas says he lied to protect Hayden. She says once she realized, she never said a word to anyone about Jason’s real identity, so why won’t he trust her? He tells her about Britt. Hayden says she had the same problem with her ex-husband, and when she came to town, she just wanted to take it out on everyone. Nicholas wants to get it on, but she says she can’t move forward unless the relationship is based on trust.

Patrick starts wigging out about Sam basing her accusation on what Jake said. He gets a little out of control and does a table flip like he’s on Real Housewives.

Jason says he doesn’t believe Elizabeth is a lying manipulator like Hayden. Man, has he got a lot to learn; she could teach Hayden a thing or two. Elizabeth says she wants to be with the man he is now. They say I love yous and I gag. Elizabeth goes upstairs, but the look on Jason’s face tells me he’s not totally buying that she’s telling the truth.

Hayden tells Nicholas that her dreams are a metaphor for Nicholas getting past her defenses. He says he thinks they’re both in trouble.

Nathan finally finishes work and goes into the interrogation room to find Maxie asleep.

Lulu says she wants Johnny to get rid of Valerie, but not kill her. She says she wants Valerie to go out of their lives and never come back. He says he’ll handle it, but the less she knows the better. I can’t wait to see what he has planned.

The two idiots Valerie and Dante come to the conclusion that maybe they shouldn’t be seen together where everyone else from the station hangs out.

Elizabeth comes downstairs to find Jason gone.

Sam says she’s totally committed to Patrick and is moving forward with the divorce, but Jason still has a right to know the truth. Patrick says it’s over, and goes to leave. Jason is at the door. Patrick leaves and Jason comes in. He apologizes to Sam. He says she’s been nothing but kind and he’s sorry. He says now that he’s more rational, he wants to know what’s going on. Sam tells him that Elizabeth knew for months who he really is.

Tomorrow, more truths from Sam.

Just a note to those who would perpetrate dastardly deeds. I’d rather you didn’t , but if you’re going to, please make it after 4 pm. Kay? Thanks.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Kyle and family are going overseas for a vacation, ending with Nicky Hilton’s wedding at Kensington Palace in Kensington Gardens. Lisa and Ken are coming along for the ride.

Giggy! And Lisa’s closet! Lisa is trying to find something for Kyle to wear at the wedding. I’ve seen Kyle’s closet too, so I’m not getting this.

LisaR is showing off her birthday earrings from Harry. They’re simple round diamond drops set in silver and I love them too. Lisa is having Facetime with her parents. She says she’s able to cope with them getting older and in not such great health by living in the moment. Her mom gives us all TMI about her dad. LisaR signs off by saying she hopes his penis feels better. ♫ La-La-La! ♫

Kyle tells Lisa she’s not going to the wedding anymore. She says she was told it would be better if she didn’t come. She tells Lisa not to bring the dress, but I’ll bet Lisa does anyway. It sounds as if there’s some dispute about Kyle doing the new TV show based on her life, so I guess Kathy is being an idiot. What a shame.

We haven’t seen Yolanda yet, but just for the record, I’m hating on David Foster. What a freaking creep he is to divorce her when she’s so ill and she’s been so supportive of him. Typical though. It’s like when a woman works to put her husband through school, and then when it’s her turn, he books. I hope the next one takes him for everything he’s got and pawns his Grammys.

Eileen and Vince go to Palm Springs where Dick Van Patten has a star on their walk of fame. Eileen had recently lost her sister as well. Her sister had cancer, but had not told anyone she was in the final stage of life, and ended up dying in Eileen’s arms at the hospital. This makes me want to call my sister, who had a stroke last year.

LisaR is meeting LisaV for lunch. LisaR says she likes to be around sparkly things and LisaV sparkles. LisaR talks about going to Dick Van Patten’s memorial. She says he was beloved by everyone and it’s been very difficult for the family.

LisaV says that Ken is going to be 70 soon and she wants to do something special. She’s found the smallest horse in the world in Ohio. The owner is willing to sell it and LisaV wants LisaR to come with her to pick it up. She also wants LisaR and Kyle to help care for it until Ken’s birthday, but the horse likes to sleep in bed with people. It is pretty cute and probably not any bigger than a large dog.

Yolanda is at the oral surgeon. She’s had all her old fillings taken out and replaced with gold crowns, but themetal levels in her blood are still high. So she’s having the crowns tested for what metals are in them and has brought an analysis of her blood work for the surgeon to look at.

I feel so badly for Yolanda. And now I feel even worse because that beast, David, shows up. (The show was taped ages ago, so he’s still pretending to be supportive.)

Yolanda starts to choke and David says it’s the numbing in the back of her throat that’s causing her to think she can’t breathe. When I think about it, it makes sense. David the Cretin jokes about how soon they can have sex.

Boom! We’re in Italy! Kyle and her family have chartered a yacht. It’s not Captain Lee though. As always, the food looks fabulous. Kyle says she never vacationed as a child; she only traveled for work. I’m quite sure this trip alone makes up for it.

Lisa and Ken arrive.  The countryside is absolutely beautiful. Lisa says it’s a different sensibility in Europe. Lisa says she’s glad to be away from the restaurant. I’ll bet.

Kyle and Mauricio have rented a villa. Is there any other way? Mauricio has also rented a Ferrari and is driving to the villa with one of the kids, while Kyle gets there in a van. Mauricio gets lost, so Ken and Lisa arrive before he does. The car keeps telling him to make a U-turn. Of course he doesn’t want to admit that he doesn’t know what he’s doing. What is it with men and not asking for directions? Bible teacher Joyce Meyer says that’s why it took the Israelites 40 years to make an 11 day trip. Ha-ha! Yep. I’ve been a passenger in that car too.

Mauricio tells his daughter that had her mom been in the car, it would have been so not fun for him. They finally get to the villa, and immediately hit the pool. Kyle and Lisa are going to take the car and go exploring. Kyle says it’s nice to be away from all the family drama with Kim.

Back in Beverly Hills, LisaR and Eileen stop by to visit Yolanda. Yolanda’s aide, Daisy, answers the door. They see Yolanda’s medicine cabinet, which is really a linen closet, and there’s a mind-boggling array of stuff. Eileen says it’s like when her sister had cancer. The girls get together with Yolanda in the living room. Yolanda says she can’t remember what it’s like to be normal. She talks about parasites that she had removed and they were quite long. She tells them about having her teeth removed. Eileen says it’s real flashback to her sister trying everything to fight for her life.

After they leave, LisaR says she feels a deep sadness and darkness in seeing a young woman not being able to live her life. She says it seems like she’s succumbed to it and accepted it. Truth be told, she really isn’t looking too good.

Kyle and LisaV are strolling around the grounds with Margaritas, and Kyle says it’s like walking in a painting. Lisa tells Kyle about Yolanda having her teeth taken out. Kyle says she’d asked her doctor about that and he said it can open you up to more problems. Lisa says she believes Yolanda thinks it’s more than Lyme disease and is stabbing in the dark. Kyle says when her mother died of cancer, she suddenly felt like she had weird symptoms and spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it was. Is she intimating that Yolanda is maybe not sick?

Everyone sits down to an enormous dinner at the villa. Ken says he’s getting so old, Lisa should start looking around now for a replacement. She asks why he didn’t tell her that when she was on Dancing with the Stars?

Kyle says she’s going to the wedding now, but Lisa says she didn’t bring the dress because Kyle told her not to. (Okay, I was wrong on that one.) I don’t see why she just can’t buy something new anyway. Mauricio says he’s not going, two of the daughters are in the wedding, and the other kids aren’t going. Huh? Lisa talks about the roller coaster that’s going on with Kathy pulling the strings, but Kyle doesn’t want to talk about it in front of the kids. It just sounds weird. It’s probably not just rich people weird either. Weddings and funerals bring out the worst in people.

Lisa says as her friend, she hates to see Kyle putting her all into relationships only to be manipulated and devastated. In her individual interview, Kyle says there’s been tension in her family and that’s why Mauricio isn’t going. And kids aren’t invited, except for the ones in the wedding party. Lisa says none of it makes sense and she thinks Kyle should detach herself. She says she doesn’t want to overstep her bounds, and one of the daughters says can we please not talk about it now.

Next week, shopping in Europe! And we finally get to meet new housewife Erica – and the tiny horse. Also, a lot of people diving into a pool with their clothes on.

Thought for the day: It must be a lot of responsibility being Joan Collins.

Dec8

December 7, 2015 –GH, Pump & a Little Longoria

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Without wasting any time, ABC breaks in with news that could easily wait until 4 o’clock.

When we finally return, Patrick is talking with Epiphany about Sam. He says, logically, she gets what’s going on and that Jason just doesn’t remember their life together, but in her heart, it’s hard for her to accept. Epiphany says he has to give it time.

Carly is still pressuring Jason about seeking his memory. She says no matter what, she loves him and he says, ditto, but get off his back. She says he keeps having flashes of memories, so he shouldn’t give up. She also says he still has the same instincts. He says she’s still his closest friend, but when he found out he was Jason, nothing happened. He says he wants to move on with Elizabeth, but Carly isn’t receptive to that idea.

Sam tells Elizabeth that Jake told him about the secret between her and Laura. She says Elizabeth saw Jason struggle to find answers, but did nothing. Elizabeth says that’s not true, but Sam says Laura confirmed it. Yep. It’s that old trick of telling them you know already to get them to say what they know.

Anna is at the docks where she lives now. Mac shows up and says that he was able to get Sloane’s computer and phone records. He says the last text was to her and after that, messages were picked up, but not responded to. He asks her to tell him what she knows. She says she thinks Sloan is dead. She tells him about dialing the number on the back of his business card, and that when she dialed, Paul picked up the phone.

Paul is checking out Sloane’s apartment. The super shows up and Paul says that he’s investigating the tenant from the apartment, and that the apartment was recently broken into. He asks if the super saw anyone and he says he thinks so.

Sonny is questioning Ava as to whether she knows gun importer Raj. Sonny says he deals with military weapons and everyone he deals with is on the NSA list. He says she’s jeopardizing Avery’s life. Ava says she would never do that. Sonny tells her she’s headed for prison or death, and he doesn’t want Avery exposed to it.

Jason tells Carly to quit bullying Elizabeth. Carly says Elizabeth is manipulating him and using his gratitude against him. He says he loves Elizabeth. Carly says if he does, that’s fine, but he needs to start trusting his instincts. He tells her again to lay off Elizabeth.

Elizabeth tells Sam she’s full of it. Sam says she can see fear in Elizabeth’s eyes, and she saw it on Cassadine Island too. She says Elizabeth is worse than Helena (which I totally agree with), because Helena never pretended. She says Elizabeth stole Jason’s life from him, Danny and everyone else who loves him. She says Elizabeth knew who he was the entire time and to stop lying. Elizabeth says Sam is lying – to herself.

Ava says Sonny can waste her time with his baloney all he likes, but she’s not putting Avery in harm’s way. She says she used to be afraid of Sonny, but she isn’t anymore. She says he’s weak and no longer a threat to her.  Julian is like, let’s hold on, but Sonny says he’s going to bring Ava down.

Patrick thanks Epiphany for listening. She says listening is easy, but taking action is the hard part. She says all she’s heard from him is how Sam thinks and feels, but what about him? He says he loves Sam. Epiphany says maybe he should remind her and that if he loves Sam, he needs to show her. Yep, lotsa men have a problem with that action part.

Elizabeth says that what Sam really wants is a Jason who doesn’t exist and she lies every time she says she loves Patrick. She says she didn’t take anything from Sam, that her husband is gone. He’s a different person now, and he loves her.

Carly agrees to stop being so pushy. She asks when Jason feels most alive though. She says he loves the rush of putting his life on the line, and Elizabeth will never allow him to be himself. She says she doesn’t want him going through his life half alive. She says it’s his decision, but she thinks marrying Elizabeth is a big mistake. Me too. She says in the old days, he was the one stopping her from being impulsive, but now it’s her turn to tell him to count to ten.

Julian asks if there’s any truth to what Sonny said. Ava says he’s just jealous because she has custody. Julian mentions that Ava said she was seeing someone new and asks if it’s Raj. She says no, but is cagey about whom it really is.

The super says he only saw the guy’s back. Paul says to keep everything on the down low and not to say anything about him being there because the investigation is under wraps. He says maybe he can swing some money the super’s way to pay for the lock and back rent.

Mac says he and Paul got to Port Charles around the same time, but he thought Paul had given up his wicked ways. He asks Anna if she’s sure about his involvement. Anna thinks that Paul killed Sloane and passed the body off as Carrrlos’s. Mac thinks it’s a possibility. Anna says if Carrrlos is alive, Paul has no leverage. Anna is afraid Paul will get to Carrrlos before she does. She wonders why Paul came back to Port Charles in the first place. Mac thinks he knows where to start.

Epiphany tells Sonny he’s missed half his PT session and Carly is annoyed.

Sam says maybe she doesn’t have proof that Elizabeth has been lying to Jason, but she can find it. And when she does, Elizabeth is going to regret every second she kept it to herself. Elizabeth yells at her to get out and when she opens the door, Jason is there. D’oh!

Mac tells Anna they’re going to figure things out together. Anna says they have to investigate Paul without his knowledge.

Paul talks to himself while he’s bagging stuff in Sloane’s apartment, vowing to find out who broke in.

Julian says he’s not going to ask Ava any questions about Raj or guns, because he’s promised Alexis that he’ll have nothing more to do with the mob. He tells her not to underestimate Sonny though. He says Sonny is down but not out.

Sonny says he can’t kidnap Jason for Carly. She says she doesn’t want that, but she wants him to be happy and Elizabeth isn’t putting Jason’s happiness first. Sonny plays devil’s advocate and says maybe he’s happy with Elizabeth. He does add that he wants his old friend back too.

Patrick orders lots and lots of flowers.

Elizabeth says Sam was just leaving. Sam says, no way, either you tell Jason or I will.

Tomorrow, Jason gets really pissed off at Sam.

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa tells the staff that Gay Pride Day is coming up. Jax says last year Lisa focused on PUMP, so he’s hoping that SUR will also get some attention this time around. Lisa says that PUMP was new last year, but she’s also throwing a party at SUR this year.

Jax asks Scheana what she would do if she only had 5 days to live. She says travel, but he says make a hit list. Geez. He says James would be on the list and Scheana asks if that’s because he ended up with Lala instead of Jax. In her individual interview, Scheana says that ever since James started to DJ, the ladies have been loving him, but she couldn’t date someone whose clothes are smaller than hers. Ha-ha!

The dresses for the SUR party arrive and they’re pretty darn cute. A 50s halter style in a mini, pink with a black and white floral pattern. Lisa asks Katie and Ariana to be supportive of Scheana, because she and Shay are going through a tough time. Scheana says that things have been going well, but she doesn’t want him to go overboard with drinking at the party. Jax says he shouldn’t even come, since it’s like a circus of drunks.

James comes over to Lala’s apartment. She has a cute black lab mix named Lily. This has nothing to do with the story, but I love dogs, so I mentioned it. James says that she bummed him out when she was cold to him after talking to Kristen.  James gives us TMI about what he likes sexually, and in her individual interview, Lala says she doesn’t think they’ll ultimately be compatible.

Lala says she has to lay out boundaries for James or he’ll be overly-aggressive. She just wants to date him and not get too involved. James has brought his keyboard and they practice some tracks together. Lala says that she just wants to see how things go, but James says he doesn’t like to leave things open-ended. Lala says that if he’d just shut up and speak through his music, life would be a lot better.

Sxhwartz and Tom take Shay to the gym. Tom says he thinks Shay can benefit from “Afro Brazilian Dance Fighting.” I’m not sure if he’s being funny or this is a real thing. The instructor says he combines a lot of different techniques. The class looks difficult, but fun. They do that rope climbing thing we had to do in elementary school phys-ed, but with some kind of heavy cloth. I’ll bet that’s easier to climb that that stupid rope that hurts your skin. Shay throws up in the parking lot. Maybe they should stop working out for now. Tom and Schwartz do push-ups, while Shay cheers them on.

Tom says the first day of working out is always the hardest. I agree. Tom asks Schwartz about the engagement ring he’s having designed for Katie. Schwartz says it’s awesome and he’s pretty excited about it. They talk to Shay about his addiction, and he says it’s not so much about alcohol, but he had a hard time with kicking the pills.

Scheana is getting her name changed on her driver’s license. Ariana is along for the ride. Scheana has the best experience anyone ever had having their picture taken at the DMV. She’s dressed to the nines and you’d think the “photographer” actually cared. Ariana says she doesn’t believe in marriage for herself – her parents split up, got back together, had another baby,and split up again – but she’s supportive of Scheana and Shay.

Shay says it sucks because Scheana has something to hold over his head now. Schwartz says Shay is one of his few married friends and Shay makes marriage look scary. He says if Scheana and Shay are having problems, what hope is there for him? Dude, the guy is an addict.

Party planner, Kevin Lee, is helping Lisa decorate at PUMP. Lisa wants them to pink it up and gay it up. James is running late and breezes in. Lisa sees some scratches and bruises on him and asks what happened. We both go la-la-la, but he says it wasn’t Lala. I guess they’re not exclusive. Does Lala know that?

Ken tells Lisa that James is getting it on with another hostess at SUR. Lisa is like, in a world full of women, why at my restaurant?

Man! It’s crowded in the streets for Gay Pride. Lisa says she wears a wide brimmed hat to give herself a little barrier because the crowds can be overwhelming. It probably keeps her from getting everyone’s germs too, since everyone does that double-kiss thing in L.A.

Jax says it’s not a restaurant it’s a smorgasbord of people having fun and doing bad things. Lala asks if she and Jax could have a drink, as she wants to talk to him. He tells one of the customers he’s going to <bleep> her. Tell us how you really feel.

Schwartz says Peter with short hair is like Popeye without his spinach. At least he didn’t use a Samson reference. Schwartz isn’t working and Katie is jealous. I’ll bet it’s worth the tips though.  Jax is drinking while he’s bartending and Katie says he’s like a bull in a china shop on roller skates during an earthquake.

Lala sees the marks on James. She asks where he got them and he tells her he was with someone else. Lala asks if he slept with a cobra. Lala says she told him she wouldn’t be annoyed, but she is. She tells him to get out of her face. Lauren (the cobra) asks James to take a walk with her.

Things are as busy at SUR as they are at PUMP and Lisa is mighty pleased. I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a place this crowded. Jax is basically arguing with the customers, telling them that they want more liquor than they’re ordering. Then he breaks a glass – into the ice chest. Good job!

Shay tells Scheana he’s taking it easy. He’s only having a few beers while watching everyone else do shots and get wasted. He says it’s actually embarrassing to think that was him.

The female staff is having a group picture taken and Kristen tries to get into it. She keeps saying how much she’s glad to be away from SUR, but she never seems to really go away.

Lauren tells Lala to let things with James go and that for all he knows, she’s sleeping with other guys. She says Lala shouldn’t ask him a bunch of questions. Isn’t she the one he slept with??? They hug. Isn’t she the one he slept with???

Gay Pride is wild in the streets and the PUMP and SUR parties are still rocking. Lisa says she’s exhausted. I would be too.

Scheana is counting out her tips and it comes to $748. Not bad for a day’s work. She says she feels like a stripper.

Lala asks Kristen if she can take James back. James comes by and asks why she’s angry. Kristen says he’s disgusting and should go away. Jax says James has a self-destructive pattern which is the pot calling the kettle black. Jax and Lala say they’ll speak later, but I don’t know how much that’s directed at James to make him jealous. Lala insists on knowing who it was James slept with. Yep. It was Lauren. Lala doesn’t know who to beat up first.

She’s gunning for Lauren and hunts her down. Lauren says they’re not talking about this and walks away. Apparently, Lauren is also with Anthony the bartender, so Lala lets him in on it. Now Anthony is gunning for Lauren. Lauren makes the camera go away. Lala says it’s not fair and this isn’t happening. Lala, Anthony and Lauren go behind closed doors.

Jax is waiting like a vulture. Jax asks what Lala expected, and Lala says not this. She says at least Jax was real with her from the jump. She leaves with him. She says she’s over James.

Next week – James is pissed at Jax and spits on Kristen’s apartment door.

Telenovela

I knew I was going to like this show even before I saw it. Eva Longoria playing a Spanish telenovela star who doesn’t speak Spanish? What’s not to like? Eva is very funny and has a flair for physical comedy. I love Devious Maids, and since this comes from the same gene pool, I expect I’ll love it too.

A guy from Santo Domingo that I dated for a while turned me on to telenovelas. I had no clue what they were saying, but they were so broadly acted, it wasn’t hard to understand. In one episode that stands out in my mind, two guys were throwing voodoo at each other in the hospital. It was pretty wild stuff, and I think lends itself to satire.

So far, so good. It’s also very reminiscent of Ugly Betty. The real premiere is on January 4.

Dec7

December 6,2015 — No Dead, But an Eclectic Night

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

When we left the…um…ladies, a fight was brewing between Cynthia and Porsha. We now move to fingers in the face. Porsha makes a weird, aggressive move, putting her foot up on Cynthia’s lounge chair and straddling her. Cynthia responds by kicking Porsha In the stomach. Porsha lunges for Cynthia and is held back by the crew or security or whoever. Kandi, coming back from the bathroom, is just like, whaaat?

In her individual interview, Kim says that she has a low tolerance for foolishness. Her and me both. This might be the wrong show for her with this crowd.

Porsha is squeaky screaming and Kenya says that Porsha can’t control herself, the disagreement always has to escalate to violence. Kenya wants Porsha and her buddy off the boat. Bye, Felicia!

Cynthia calls Peter. She says he’s still her rock. Really? She tells him she needs for him to come home, and he says he will.

Kim is pretty appalled. In her individual interview, she says that the worst part is how disappointed they’re both going to be in themselves after they catch a breath. I doubt Porsha knows that emotion.

Porsha is tucked into her chaise lounge at home, with her court of yes men girlfriends around her. She shows some bruises, but it looks like she got them from the guy who had to tackle her. Maybe Cynthia shouldn’t have kicked her one, but she shouldn’t have come up on Cynthia so aggressively. Especially considering her past. She makes noises about being supportive of Cynthia and “dumbing [herself] down.” I’m quite sure she’s so dumb she doesn’t know what that means.

Porsha starts to get loud and squeaky again. She’s rambling about Peter and what she knows. Come on, she doesn’t know anything everyone else doesn’t already.  Including an audience of millions.

Kim and Phaedra meet at a juice bar. Kim is not too happy that the boat ride turned out the way it did. She says she should have opted out like Phaedra did. She said she was just looking forward to a nice ride with her book and her snack. Ha!

Kenya is telling her friends, as Kandi is telling her staff, about the altercation. Phaedra says she saw bruises and cuts, but again, I don’t think that was from Cynthia. Kim says it’s being analyzed like the JFK assassination.  Kenya’s aunt suggests she get the girls together to smooth things over. I think her aunt is crazy. Phaedra says she told Kim it was a wild bunch.

Peter arrives home. Bleh. I can’t stand him. Cynthia says she keeps thinking of how she could have changed the situation, and Peter keeps saying all the wrong things. Her rock. Peter says Cynthia needs to forget about Porsha and examine how she feels about herself. I’m sure what he really means is to think about him.He says he wants to work things out and they get lovey-dovey. How long this will last, who knows.

Kandi has a doctor’s appointment. She goes to Dr. Jackie from Married to Medicine. Kandi is nearly halfway through the pregnancy. Dr. Jackie listens for the baby’s heartbeat. Todd suddenly has to make a call and Kandi is like, really? It couldn’t wait until after the appointment? Dr. Jackie finds the baby’s heartbeat and they look on the sonogram screen. Todd comes back in and they try to fool him into thinking the umbilical cord is something else. Ha-ha! They can’t tell yet though, if it’s a boy or girl.

Phaedra says that her focus has been on the kids. They seem pretty well adjusted considering Apollo’s fall from grace and back into prison. Phaedra whines about being a single mother, but it doesn’t look like she’s hurting any.

Cynthia calls Kenya. Kenya jokes about Cynthia’s Kung Fu Panda moment. Cynthia says she feels awful. Kenya says she wants to give a brunch to get things back on track. Cynthia thinks maybe it’s too soon. Kenya says the problem with her and Porsha is that they waited too long to address things. She might have a point, but it’s empty-headed Porsha we’re talking about. Kenya says if she was able to get past things with Porsha, Cynthia should be able to. Cynthia says, in thinking about it, she may have overreacted.

Kenya wants to meet with Porsha privately before the brunch. They meet at a little coffee/dessert bar. Porsha asks what’s up. Like she doesn’t know. Oh, wait, it’s Porsha. Maybe she doesn’t. Kenya says they once had their own altercation and what happened on the boat didn’t sit well with anyone. Porsha tries to act like it’s somebody else’s fault and talks about Kenya throwing shade at her friend, Shemia.

Kenya  says Porsha never takes responsibility for her actions. She tries telling Porsha that, considering their history, she could see how Porsha looked like the aggressor. Porsha says she doesn’t trust Kenya and she doesn’t need to justify her actions to anyone. She says she’ll be glad to talk to Cynthia, but it was just one of those things that snowballed. She gets angry that Kenya is telling her the truth, because she’s stupid and vain. She’s about to run from the situation, when Kenya calls a time out and says she should just tell Cynthia they were both wrong. They clink smoothie take-out cups.

Kandi and Kim are first to arrive at the brunch. Everyone else is late. Kim is annoyed and I don’t blame her. Phaedra strolls in, calling it a “unity luncheon.”  Kandi still isn’t sure if Phaedra is being genuine with her. Cynthia is feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. Kim is like, let’s just say it, and asks Cynthia how it’s going. Kenya and Porsha come in together.

Kenya says she wanted to bring them together because of what happened. Kim says, being new, she doesn’t have a side, but it’s important to have clarity to move forward. Porsha and Cynthia decide to talk privately. Kim says she hopes they come back in one piece. Ha-ha!

Cynthia asks Porsha if she’s okay. Porsha says yes, but emotionally, she’s hurt.

Kenya says her talk with Porsha didn’t go well, and Kandi says Kenya seems to be good at pointing out other people’s flaws, but her own, not so much. Phaedra suggest that Jesus take the wheel , and drive fast. Kenya says she was just trying to be a grown up and help make things right.

Porsha says she’s sincere in wanting to move forward and feels Cynthia is sincere too. They hug it out. When they come back, applause all around.

Next week, Atlanta is in the Miami house! Oh wow, it looks like there will be another strange-men-in-the-house situation. Like there was with the New York Wives, except this looks more serious. And speaking of Miami, are those Wives ever coming back? I noticed they snuck in a Real Housewives of Cheshire on Saturday afternoon. Trial run?

Once Upon a Time

Hook is flashing back to his childhood, where his father wasn’t such a nice guy and he got sold into slavery. Mr. Gold/Rumpelstiltskin has Excalibur.

Dark Emma says the man she loved died in Camelot and all that’s left is the darkside. She and the others are splitting up to find Hook.

Zelena pops in poof! in front of Robin and Regina. She wants to discuss her daughter with her baby daddy, Robin. She says they’ll all be dead soon, so it won’t matter anyway. Two hooded figures come up behind Robin and Regina. At the same time, hooded figures surround the other groups. One walks through Henry.

Rumpel appears out of nowhere and tells them to look at their wrists. They have the mark of Charon, an old guy who runs a ferry to the underworld. Rumpel says the underworld is a worse place than even fire and brimstone. He tells them to use their time wisely, to say good-bye. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Regina finds Hook by the water. BTW, his first name is Killian. Regina says he might be the dark one now, but he’s not the same guy he was when they first met. He says she has no idea what kind of man he is. And he doesn’t mean that in a good way.

He flashes back to when Enchanted Forest Regina recruited him to kill her mother. In exchange, she promised to send him to a land with no magic so he could get his revenge on Rumpelstiltskin.

Henry looks through a spell book, hoping for something to counteract the curse they’re under. They decide to gather at Granny’s diner. They leave Dark Emma to continue searching. She tells Regina if she can destroy the dark ones, they’ll all be spared. Dark Emma reminds her of when she said they have to do whatever it takes to get rid of the darkness. Regina says it has to be put into someone, a sacrifice. Dark Emma says it will be herself.

Belle meets Rumpel at the shop. He tells her to go see the world and fulfill her dreams. He tells her to take the car, say good-bye to her father, and start living. She says she knew there was a hero inside him and they say good-bye.

Regina and Dark Emma enter the shop. He tells them to go away. Regina says no way, there are a lot of people in the underworld who would like to see the both of them. She tells Rumpel that Emma wants to take the darkness into herself, which will destroy the darkness – and her. Rumpel gives them Excalibur. For nothing, which is a surprise. Doesn’t magic always come with a price? He says it might not work because the blade chooses who it finds worthy. Regina says, later. She has to help Robin protect the baby from Zelena.

In the old days, Regina and Hook stop at a tavern. Someone yells pirates aren’t welcome. Hook turns to face them.

Robin and Regina come home to find Zelena looking at color swatches to redecorate their house. She says in an hour, they’ll be dead, and she’s moving in. Zelena says last time Regina tried to use the dagger it didn’t work. Regina says that’s because she didn’t believe in herself and says let’s take it outside. They go to the clock tower, and Regina uses the power of the dagger to blow Zelena back to Oz.

Dark Emma goes to the diner and silently says good-bye to her family. A dark figure tells Hook he knows what he needs to do.

Old days Hook reveals himself to his father at the tavern. His father is surprised he’s alive and he says they both cheated death. Hook wants to know why he was sold into servitude. His father says he met a woman who helped him see the error of his ways and wishes he’d known her back in the day. He says he’s sorry. Hook wants to know where she is.

Hook’s father says that she died. Hook says he came there to kill him, but they’ve both suffered enough already. He says he can arrange a letter of transit and transport for his father, but can’t come along. His father asks if he can arrange transport for two because he has another son.

Storybrooke Hook stops Dark Emma from leaving. He says he’s saving her because she made him the man he always wanted to be. She says she’s sorry, but she couldn’t watch another person she loved die. He says now she’ll watch everyone die. She brandishes Excalibur, but sees Henry who takes the sword from her. Poof! in a cloud of red smoke, he turns into Hook. She tells him please, don’t do this, but he says nope, he is, and poof! he disappears in another cloud of red smoke.

Snow finds a note from Dark Emma on the diner jukebox. Belle appears and says Hook has already stopped her and there’s no way to prevent their trip to the underworld.

Everyone appears in a forest, where there are a bunch of dark, hooded figures hanging around, along with Hook. Dark Emma runs out of the forest to join them. Regina says Hook can’t do this and he has to ask himself the same question he did on the night they don’t speak of: what kind of man do you want to be?

Hook’s stepbrother tells his father he doesn’t want to leave. Hook’s father says they’ll be fine and he’ll never leave him. Hook is outside and says that his father is telling his stepbrother the same lie he told him. He kills his father with his hook. The last thing his father says is that he can always change.

A hooded figure says it’s time. Dark Emma tries to stop things and suddenly chokes. The figure says maybe she can’t kill Dark Emma but she can stop her. Dark Emma keeps choking and Hook says enough. He pulls the Excalibur card and black snaky things come out and make the hooded people disappear.

He says the darkness won’t stay in Excalibur much longer and tells Dark Emma to take it from him and let him take on the darkness because her family needs her. She doesn’t want to do it, but he wants to die a hero. She takes the sword. She tells Hook she loves him and then – is she supposed to stab him with it or what? Yes, she is. And she does. Lots of tears. I’d cry too, but it’s all more confusing than anything else.

They all pop back to Storybrooke and voila! everything is cool again. Excalibur turns to dust. Wait, not so cool. Hook just keeled over.

The EMTs (God only knows what they must be thinking) cover Hook’s face over and put him in the ambulance.

Rumpel  is having a drink (what does he need one for?) in the shop. Belle comes in, says Henry told her everything, and gives him a big kiss. (I guess because he handed over Excalibur?) She says she wanted to see the world, but with him. While Belle is sleeping, he puts on his Mission Impossible clothes. He gets a text from Emma, who’s in the shop.

Rumpel is like, this isn’t the diner, you people have to stop just showing up. Emma says the dagger called to her and she knows he has it. She says he must be the dark one. When Hook thought he was destroying the darkness, he was only moving it. Rumpel says things are as they should be now.

Emma tries to throw some magic at him, but he says he has all the magic of all the dark ones who ever lived. Emma says she still has magic and he has to do something for her. Rumpel says why should he? And Emma says she’ll tell Belle who he really is if he doesn’t.

Rumpel opens the door to the underworld for Emma and the others. It’s pretty cool looking. Kind of like a pretty swamp with blue lighting. Here comes that guy in the boat. Don’t they have to answer three questions or something? Or was that just in Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

They get ready to board the boat.

On March 6, the story of Storybrooke takes place in the underworld and the quest to find Hook is on.

No Walking Dead tonight. There’s a marathon of Into the Badlands instead. I definitely give it a thumbs up.

Work Out New York

Just a first impression. Hot trainers with egos the size of the state of Rhode Island, but who are also insecure. I’m in! But, hey, what ever happened to Jackie What’s-her-name and that other workout show? She was pretty interesting.

Bad Words

Another quickie. I had never heard of this film and caught it on HBO today. It was on the TV when I came back from the store (yes, I leave it on for the dogs), and I just didn’t bother changing the channel. I’m glad I didn’t, because this was a terrific film.

In a nutshell, Jason Bateman is a 40-year-old guy who finds a loophole in a national spelling bee contest. (He has his reasons for wanting to be in it.) He enters the contest, competing against children. He befriends one of the kids, and they both grow in the process. It was heartwarming without being obnoxious, was well-written, and the acting was great. It was a unique story as well. I’m really glad I stumbled across it.

Dec5

December 4, 2015 — Two GHs, 16 Chefs & Lots of Mexican Zombies

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital — Thursday

Ewww! Dante and Valerie are flirting at work. Please tell me on what planet they would even allow this at a police station?

Lulu and Maxie discuss the whole Dante/Valerie thing. Lulu says they insisted they weren’t sleeping together the whole time, just on Thanksgiving when she walked in on them. Even though I know this is true, if I was Lulu, I’d be saying, yeah, right.

Tracy and Monica are discussing a Toys for Tots fundraiser. Monica thinks Tracy’s idea of the name “Winter Gala” is too boring. Monica suggests “Nutcracker Gala” and Tracy says it’s not horrible.

Paul and Ava are making out in the gallery. I guess it really is guns that Paul is smuggling because they talk about it. Ava wants to be apprised of everything that’s happening.

Anna is down at the docks and runs into Dr. Andre, who is running. Apparently, Andre told her that the medal isn’t absolute proof of Carrrlos being alive. Anna has stopped going to therapy and gets all defensive. She had the medal tested and it shows positive for Carrrlos’s DNA.

Geez, I missed a lot yesterday. Carrrlos is the father of Sabrrrina’s baby. She doesn’t want Michael to find out, so she wants to talk to the tech about avoiding discussion of the due date. Ha-ha! She goes in to talk to the tech and it’s Carrrlos in scrubs and a mask. Man, I just love this guy. He pops up everywhere.

Tracy tells Monica she’s in charge of the silent auction. Monica challenges Tracy to see who can drum up more bucks.

Ava tells Paul she wants to be more involved in the business. She wants to take Sonny down and tells Paul she wants him to see what she’s capable of. She’s capable of some other things too, but Tracy calls in the middle of it.

Ewww again! Valerie asks Dante if he wants to go on a date. These two are making me sick. They agree to keep things discreet at work. Fat chance in Port Charles. Valerie leaves and Nathan asks if he just heard what he heard.

Sabrrrina tells Carrrlos he’d better get lost since Michael will be there any minute. She also insists it’s not his baby. Felix tries to stall Michael by saying how well-received his green bean casserole was on Thanksgiving. Sabrrrina says she’ll meet Carrrlos in an hour if he goes now. The revolving door twirls, Carrrlos leaves and Michael and the tech walk in.

Andre tells Anna she still needs some therapy. She says their business is concluded, but Andre says if she doesn’t continue therapy, he’ll be forced to go to the police with what he knows.

Sabrrrina has a sonogram. Michael thinks the baby looks bigger than it should be. Because he’s had so much experience with this. I worked for two years at a gyn clinic and still don’t know what’s what with one of those. The tech says sometimes the baby can look bigger on screen. Okay.

Andre tells Anna that the shooting is still tearing her up inside. Anna says Carrrlos isn’t dead, and asks if Andre is trying to build a case against her. Andre says no, but this isn’t helping. She says it’s not going to help even more if he turns her in.

Paul tells Tracy he’ll meet her at the Metrocourt. He tells Ava he’ll call her later and his associate will pick up the guns.

Nathan is like, Dante, you need to calm down because everyone is noticing. He says Dante still loves Lulu, but Dante says Lulu told him it was over and he doesn’t want to drag it out.

Lulu is going on and on about what a witch Valerie is and how she tried to blame Lulu for everything. Maxie isn’t hearing a word though, because she’s working her cell phone like a boss, wheeling and dealing for the magazine. Lulu leaves.

In the hallway, Felix tells Angie (the tech) that he’ll take the sono over to the doctor. He tells Sabrina and Michael that Dr. Lee got called away and asked him to give them the details. He says the baby is about 20 weeks and everything is cool. He gives them a copy of the sono. Michael has a meeting, so he leaves.

Andre says technically he’s still Anna’s therapist, so what’s up? She tells him that she thinks Paul is involved. She says the body was cremated before she got a chance to see it, per Paul’s orders, and that the autopsy report was inaccurate. I’m guessing either Andre is into her or he really wanted to be a detective when he grew up.

Paul meets Tracy at the Metrocourt. Tracy tells him about the gala. She says it will get more attention if the DA is involved and it will give him good publicity. He says she has a point, since the position of DA has been a revolving door. I have news for Paul; there are many revolving doors in Port Charles. He asks what she needs him to do and she says be her date.

Monica goes to the gallery. She tells Ava she needs some art, and Ava asks what her price range is. Monica says “free.” She tells Ava it’s only fair since she’s responsible for the death of her son. (What? What happened?)

Valerie comes into the interrogation room where Nathan and Dante are talking. He leaves and Lulu shows up at the station, saying she wants to make a report of fraternization between Dante and Valerie. Nathan says that’s a pretty big deal. She says she doesn’t care and starts to get louder. Maxie comes running in behind her and says she doesn’t want to do this. Why not? I would. Maxie says she’s there to save Lulu from herself. She says that the result could be the loss of two cops and it’s not fair to the department. She asks Lulu to come to Kelly’s with her to ease her pain. With a BLT?

Michael shows up at the Metrocourt and yaps about the baby. He shows them the sono picture. Please don’t tell me that Tracy will figure out it’s not his baby just from looking at that.

Sabrrrina thanks Felix for his help. He tells her to be careful because her “bambino” is huge and at least 26 weeks. Sabrrrina leaves and Carrrlos emerges from his eavesdropping position.

Ava says she knows what will bring in the most money. Monica says she doesn’t need help, but says she’s not seeing anything that she thinks her donors will be crazy about. Then she points to the gun crate and asks what’s in it. Because we always do stuff like that at a gallery.

Nathan tells Dante he’s a lucky guy and that Lulu almost outed the both of them.

Maxie tells Lulu they’re getting fries because the situation calls for carbs. She says it would be a mistake to get Rocco’s father fired and Valerie would have gotten a slap on the wrist. She says the need to strategize and think of something big.

Andre tells Anna she’d best be careful. She leaves to go do whatever sneaky thing she has in mind.

Ava tells Monica the crate has artwork from a touchy artist, so hands off. Monica says she’ll be expecting two significant pieces of work, which just begs for one of the many sarcastic replies at the tip of my fingers.

Carrrlos meets Sabrrrina at the docks. He tells her he knows she’s carrying his baby and he’s mega excited. She tells him to do the right thing for once and leave Port Charles and not look back. He says, no way he’s going without her.

Tomorrow, Sam and Jason move forward with the divorce – maybe.

General Hospital – Friday

Paul shows up at the station looking for Anna. But Anna’s not at the station. She’s busy breaking into an apartment. Oops! She got caught.

Sabrrrina tells Carrrlos to do the right thing for once and get out of town. He says he’s not going anywhere without her, but she says she’s not going anywhere with him.

Blah-blah-blah, romantic stuff with Jason and Elizabeth. She says she’s worried about Jake. I’d be worried too, since he spent his formative years with Helena. Jason tells Elizabeth he saw Laura at Sam’s, but he doesn’t know what they were talking about. Elizabeth has a voicemail from Nicholas saying they have to talk.

Curtis calls Hayden and asks her to meet him outside of Kelly’s. She makes up some baloney story for Nicholas. For whatever reason, Nicholas tells Laura that Sam must have dropped her suspicions about who knew what. Laura says au contraire.

Sam meets with Alexis. Sam tells her that she has information that can break Elizabeth and Jason up. She wants a divorce pronto, so she’s not tempted to use it. Oh, come on, use it. Make me happy.

OMG – it’s Mac sneaking up behind Anna! I think the last time we saw him was like 2002. He says he’s been tailing her because he and Felicia haven’t been able to get ahold of her. She tells him she’s being accused of a murder she doesn’t think she committed and she’s breaking into Sloan’s apartment to try and find evidence.

All of a sudden, Elizabeth has errands to run and tells Jake she has to go.

Nicholas tells Laura she doesn’t know what Sam is thinking or what she’s going to do and neither does he. He says she might be asking questions, but that means she doesn’t have answers. Laura tells him to be prepared for things to blow up.

Sam says she’s convinced that Elizabeth is lying to Jason and she doesn’t want to put her life on hold because of it, and what difference does it make anyway? Alexis says that it obviously makes a difference to Sam.

Jordan tells Paul she doesn’t keep tabs on people who don’t work for her. Paul tells her they both have the same goal, but their working styles are different. He asks if she sees Anna to let her know he’s looking for her.

Anna explains what’s going on to Mac. He wonders whose body was pulled out of the river. She says that’s why she’s there, to find out. (Oh, duh, it was probably Sloan.) Mac says she’s rusty at breaking and entering, and takes the tools from her.

Carrrlos says no way he’s walking away from Sabrrrina and his child. Not gonna happen.

Sam says she reevaluated the consequences after Patrick pointed them out. Alexis says that eventually Jason is going to find out what’s going on, and when he does, is this going to affect things between her and Patrick?

Carrrlos asks what Sabrrrina has going on besides idiot Michael? She says she doesn’t love Carrrlos anymore and she’s not a kid anymore. She reminds him of the St. Christopher’s medal that she gave him. He says he lost it and she says, good. She says they started off with him being older, but now he’s like the child. She tries to leave but Carrrlos grabs her. Paul is lurking in the shadows.

Elizabeth walks in on Laura and Nicholas. Having heard the tail end of Laura’s conversation with Nicholas, she gets all stupid with Laura, thinking Laura told Sam something. Laura says she didn’t say anything, but Sam suspects everything.

Diane shows up at Elizabeth’s. She says she never met Jason as “Jake Doe,” but she’s pleased to meet him now. She says she’s prepared a statement and that he had a will in place, leaving a huge amount to Sam, but pretty much taking care of everyone else too.  She says his estate is intact and he just needs to sign something saying he’s not dead and he’ll have access to it. I won’t mention that someone seemed to have access of it when he went to Greece, since the trip was paid for out of it.

Diane says she thinks he shouldn’t make any huge decisions until he fully grasps his situation. He says he wants a divorce now. She asks if it will be uncontested and he says he and Sam are on the same page.

Curtis meets with Hayden. He says there are too many familiar people inside Kelly’s for them to go in, so they’ll have to freeze outside. It’s colder in Port Charles than it is here.

Oh for God’s sake! They’ve decided to break in about discoveries in the San Bernadino shooting. Why? Why can’t this wait a whole 25 minutes?

Oh, thank you, great and powerful ABC, for giving me the last ten minutes. I think. We’ll see.

Alexis says Sam needs to make the choice that’s best for her and not anybody else. Sam asks what Alexis would do, and Alexis says Sam already knows the answer. I don’t. What is it?

Jason says he wants to make sure Sam and Danny are taken care of, as well as Elizabeth and the boys.

Elizabeth whines that she’s cursed. What an idiot! Laura says all three of them are victims of their own bad decisions and have to deal with it. Nicholas acts like everything is all cool, and says that Sam can ask all the questions she wants, but the only way things will go wrong is if Elizabeth panics and outs herself. Elizabeth leaves, and Nicholas asks Laura if they can give it a rest now.

Hayden returns. She says the meeting was nothing that couldn’t have been done through an email. She says everything is good, verging on perfect, and he asks why she seems so lost in thought. She says because she’s all wrapped up in how lucky she is.

Jordan sees Curtis at Kelly’s and it’s obvious she knows him.

Paul tells Carrrlos to leave Sabrrrina alone (she must have disappeared during the news break) and stay away from Anna. Carrrlos says he has no intention of bothering Anna again.

Anna calls a number she found at Sloan’s and Paul answers from his cell phone.

Jason goes to Kelly’s and Alexis asks how it’s going. She says she was just going over things with Sam. They both agree that everything should go smoothly, but I see something else in Alexis’s eyes.

Elizabeth gets home, but Jason isn’t there. She finds a love note form him and thinks everything is okay. There’s a knock at the door and it’s Sam.

Monday, Sam tells Elizabeth she knows everything. Whether she does or not.

Master Chef Junior

This week, it’s kids cooking for other kids in a carnival atmosphere.  It’s a birthday party for kids from 8 to 12, the same ages as the contestants. There are two teams of eight, with the winners to be voted on by the guests.  Gordon and Graham’s kids will also be in attendance, but not voting. One kid says they’re probably used to sophisticated food, and I say they’re probably begging for McDonald’s. I feel badly for the last kid picked.

I was hoping for corn dogs and curly fries, but the kids make fish tacos, turkey burgers and chicken wings. One girl is wearing a Ramones shirt and I laugh because most of the Ramones were probably dead before she was born.

The blue team wins and the pressure test is to make a croquembouche.  You’ve probably seen this pastry, it looks like a tree of little balls of cake, which are profiteroles, something like cream puffs.

That’s okay, kids who went home. I can barely pronounce croquembouche and couldn’t make a profiterole to save my life.

My money is on Addie

They’re having auditions for the next season. Go to Fox.com/masterchefjunior

Z Nation

When last we left Operation Bite Mark, Dr. Kurian was about to inject Vasquez with the vaccine. Roberta tells La Reina that she doesn’t trust the doctor. La Reina says that the doctor should have the honor of taking the first dose and he’s like, no, no, you must have the honor. She says if she thought that, she would have said it. He injects himself.

And keels over. I think Murphy is eating popcorn. Yes, I believe he is. La Reina says to kill Kurian, thinking he’s going to turn into a zombie, but he says, no, I’m good (reminding me of, “I’m not dead yet,” from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. ). La Reina says to test him. Escorpion brings out a zombie head and it bites the doctor’s hand. They wait and nothing happens. Dr. Kurian says he can’t believe it actually worked. Me too.

The queen isn’t looking too good. She sort of swoons, but it seems to be out of happiness. She praises Roberta. She says because of Roberta, there is hope because she brought Murphy to them. La Reina says Roberta must be next. Murphy steps in and asks if he can have the honor of saving her life the way she’s saved his many times. I think he’s not buying that the vaccine is good and is going to pull a fast one.

And I’m right. He just pretends to inject her. Escorpion (who only La Reina seems to call “Hector”) says these are outsiders and not to be trusted. He asks to “question” Vasquez some more. While pummeling Vasquez, who is hanging from the ceiling, Escorpion asks him why he was trying to kill La Reina. He says he wasn’t.

Everyone is getting injections. Murphy has kept OBM from actually getting the vaccine. La Reina says she’s feeling strong and calls Roberta to come drink with her. I love Gina Gershon in this role. You can tell she’s having fun.

Murphy is in Kurian’s office and says it’s a priceless turn of events. “Not if I can help it,” the doctor tells him.

Vasquez says he was trying to kill Escorpion, and reveals who he is and says that Escorpion killed his wife and daughter. Escorpion actually seems to be having the feels when Vasquez describes how his daughter died. Escorpion says he should have killed Vasquez too. He says that explains Vasquez, but what about the others. He wants to know what Roberta wants with the queen. He orders Vasquez to be put into “the maiden.”

La Reina and Roberta are bonding over drinks. La Reina has been saving some $2000 wine for a special occasion and this is it. La Reina toasts to new beginnings and also to her true love, because if he hadn’t died during the apocalypse, she wouldn’t be where she is today.

Kurian mixes up something to reverse the effects of the serum. Too late. Murphy does his mind meld thing on the doctor and makes him drop the antidote. Murphy says, “Oops! Did I do that?” a la Urkel.

Roberta walks in. Murphy demonstrates his control over Kurian. Roberta realizes that what was in the needles wasn’t a vaccine. Murphy tells her that Kurian is building him an army of zombie blends. She asks if he’s still going to California and he says maybe, but it will be with his army that he can control. Roberta reminds him that he didn’t control Cassandra very well. Murphy tells her the bright side is, she didn’t get injected because he likes her just the way she is.

Vasquez is put into a box with a chained zombie. Escorpion says they’re more alike than he realizes.

Roberta tells Doc, Addy and 10K that the vaccine is really just turning people into zombie slaves for Murphy. She says they’re going to California regardless, even if they have to take Murphy by force. She says that there’s an incubation period, but they need to move fast.

Escorpion tells a story about his son being shot in a drive-by and dying in his arms. He says Vasquez thinks the apocalypse gave him a reason to kill, but they all have their own apocalypse going on. The queen asks for his presence and he leaves Vasquez with the zombie two inches from his face.

Escorpion tells La Reina that Roberta is head of an assassination team that wants to take over their operation. Everybody just stares at everybody for a second, and then Roberta says he’s lying. She says all she wanted to do was bring Murphy to California so they could make a vaccine and that Vasquez wanted revenge on Escorpion. Escorpion draws a gun on Roberta.

Murphy has control over La Reina and suddenly she’s saying Escorpion is a trash bag and to take him away. He’s about to be dragged away and vows to kill Roberta. La Reina tells Roberta to kill Escorpion. Roberta tells Murphy it’s done and to knock it off. La Reina then tells them to do with Escorpion what they will. Roberta tells Murphy she doesn’t want any part of it, and he tells her if she isn’t part of the solution, she’s part of the problem. She tells Escorpion to take her to Vasquez.

Kurian comes in and Murphy asks what’s up. Kurian tries to attack him, but La Reina pushes him away. The court starts to circle Murphy. Murphy takes a knife and slices his own hand so that blood drips on the floor. The zombie blends start lapping it up. Murphy grabs the doctor and backs out of the room.

Roberta finds that the rest of OBM is trying to free Vasquez. Addy holds Escorpion at knife point and they get Vasquez out of the box – and put Escorpion in.

Murphy throws Kurian into an examining room, where he tries to bite at Murphy. Murphy calls him a zombie quack and Roberta comes up behind Kurian and takes his head off. She asks Murphy if he’s ready to go to California. Murphy puts on his spiffy traveling outfit and they leave, with Kurian’s head calling after them.

La Reina finds the doctor’s head and asks where Murphy is. She and her court start to follow OBM. Doc says they’re going to need something to slow them down. He says what better idea to fight half zombies than full zombies. They start to look for where Escorpion was keeping zombies for compost. They decide to let the zombies loose. Roberta tells Murphy to let his people go.

Murphy does magic trick hands, and bibbidy bobbidy boo the doors open and zombies pour out. Murphy sends them in the direction of La Reina while OBM goes the other way. It’s quick and unmerciful.

Roberta tells the others to keep going, but she’s going to wait for Murphy. Addy waits at the door while the others go out into the sunlight.

Murphy has some angst about leaving, but Roberta says they were given a chance and there’s nothing more he can do. They run to join the others. OBM just makes it up the stairs before the mass of zombies gets there.

When OBM gets outside, they see a real mess. Dead bodies, burned up cars, rubble where buildings were. And freaking Escorpion! He says no one disrespects him and lives. Roberta is about to shoot him, but Vasquez stops her. He’s going mano a mano with Escorpion.

Vasquez must be pretty tough because Escorpion is beating the crap out of him and it takes him a while to fall. He gets his memories going about his family and rises up. Now it’s his turn to beat the crap out of Escorpion. He ends it with throwing him down the stairs and into the zombie crowd at the bottom. Escorpion goes down cursing them out.

Doc and 10K see an El Camino dealership and are ready to rock and roll and get a new car. And you get a car! And you get a car! Everyone drives off in their own vehicle. 10K sees a drone following them, which is how they got into this mess, and shoots it with a slingshot.

At the border, where it says “Welcome to the United States,” someone has crossed out “United States” and written “Z Nation.”

The doctor’s head says, “It’s you. You’re alive,” and someone picks the head up. It looks like La Reina to me.

Only two more episodes left. ☹ Next week, Citizen Z is back!

Dec3

December 2, 2015 –No GH, Just Loving & LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

No General Hospital today. For obvious reasons if you’ve been watching the news.

If Loving You is Wrong

After seeing the “It’s a Boy” sign on her own lawn, Marcie runs into the house. Brad tries to follow, but Louise kicks him out. Louise sees the sign for herself and goes back in. I love Louise. Marcie tells Louise how very much money she spent trying to get pregnant with no result and how Randal never kicked in a dime. Marcie said she had a lot of guilt about not being able to give Randal a child, as he wanted his own and wouldn’t consider adoption. She says Alex already had her dream and gave Randal his, while she’s living a nightmare.

Louise says she has $14K in the bank and will give it to Marcie so she can leave. She tells Marcie she doesn’t deserve what’s happening and she should leave. Marcie says she’s right. If she doesn’t go, someone will get hurt. Louise says she knows; she can feel it. I’ll bet she can too. She’s like everyone’s mom rolled into one.

Pete finally gives the video to the captain, and tells him Eddie shot Ben. The captain asks who else saw it, which right there should tell Pete to run. He says that only Claudia saw it and she didn’t see much. The captain says to keep it between them and that he’ll protect Pete. He also pats Pete on the back for the great job and says he’ll go far. How far away is the morgue, since it’s probably as far as he’s going to get.

Lushion sees Joey sitting on the steps. He says Natalie kicked him out and tells Lushion about what happened when Mr. Kym found him with Faun. Lushion goes inside where Natalie is sitting with her head in her hands. He says he heard she got fired, but they’ll be okay. She tells him they got approved for the house. He says it will be difficult, but he can swing it. Natalie blindsides him by asking about the $200K he has in the bank. Natalie asks him how he got so much money if it wasn’t from robbing drug dealers. He says he’s had it for a few years. She wants to know where he got it. He says from working and she says no way. She says even if that’s the case, why did he let her struggle? He says he gives her one paycheck a month and she says, yeah, since he’s been riding with Eddie. She tells him to get lost and adds that he and Eddie are going to get themselves killed. I don’t get why she doesn’t want to believe him. He’s the best guy on the show.

Lushion tells Joey he’s staying in a hotel because he thought he was moving in with Natalie. He tells Joey he’ll get a room for him too, but Joey says no, Faun is picking him up. This kid doesn’t learn. Lushion says give him a call if he needs anything.

Claudia chats up Pete. He asks if she’s trying to get with Eddie, but she says he’s not her type. She adds that she’s new in town and would like to go out to a movie or something. Pete doesn’t get the hint, so she flat out asks him to go out with her. He goes to get something to write her number on and sees the captain talking to Eddie. The light bulb comes on – a little late. He leaves without getting Claudia’s number.

Natalie wakes up to someone banging on the door. She asks who it is and Eddie busts in, breaking the lock. He wants to know where Lushion is and she says not there. He wants to know who she told about him robbing drug dealers. She tells him to get out, but he won’t leave. She picks up a knife (why is she doing this?) and he calls for back up, saying he has an out of control person there. Her son, little Frank, tries to intervene and Eddie throws him down. She makes a move to pick up the knife again (why, Natalie, why?) and Eddie tazes her. He says she doesn’t know a damn thing about him and leaves. I guess he’s not waiting for the back up.

Marcie sees Brad having a drink in the backyard and comes down. She asks if booze and open air are his mating call. He asks her if she wants a drink and she says no. Then he asks her if she wants sex and she says no. He says he guesses it’s over and she says it never really started. He says he enjoyed it and she says she did too, but they’re done with that part. She’s just tired now. She says it’s exhausting being angry and doesn’t want it anymore. He says he’s not there yet. Marcie says she’s cutting her losses and moving out. Brad asks if he can come too, and she says yes, but just as a friend. He says he’s going to need a place after tomorrow, but doesn’t say exactly why.

Pete goes to Natalie’s apartment. He says he’s looking for Lushion, but Natalie says he’s not there. He explains who he is and says Lushion isn’t answering his phone. Natalie says he’s not picking up for her either. Pete wants to leave a paper bag for Lushion. No doubt it has a copy of the video in it, but he doesn’t tell her that. Natalie asks why he doesn’t just give it to him at the station? Pete says he messed up and he can’t. He also tells her that Lushion moved out of his apartment. She takes the bag. Pete leaves and she doesn’t even open it. That would be the first thing I’d do.

Natalie pushes the TV in front of the door and sits there with a baseball bat.

Brad tells the kids that when they get home from school, Alex will be home. Kelly is also sending her son off to the bus, and asks how Brad is doing. He says Alex is coming home and asks if she’s coming by to say hi. Kelly says Alex isn’t talking to her because she wouldn’t tell Alex about Brad and Marcie. Brad says he’s got to go, but she should go take a look at the sign. Marcie is on the porch and she tells Kelly that Randal put up the sign. She says Louise already tried to take it down, but he put it back up. Kelly suggests destroying it, but Marcie says she thinks he has a few of them. Marcie tells Kelly she should have told her the baby was Randal’s and Kelly says she didn’t know it was. Marcie says she took comfort in thinking that it wasn’t, and now she has comfort in nothing. She said Kelly let Randal blindside her and all she asks of her friends is to tell her the truth. She says Kelly is no friend of hers. Not a good week for Kelly with the friendship thing.

Esperanza tells Claudia to be careful of Eddie, that he’s like a chameleon who will turn into whatever type you like. (Really? I’ve seen no evidence of this whatsoever.) Claudia says she likes Pete and suddenly, Esperanza is a lot friendlier. I don’t think she’s so much jealous about the Eddie thing as she is fearful for Claudia.

The doctor asks Alex if Brad is picking her up. Alex says she’s taking a cab, but the doctor says there won’t be a car seat, so she’ll drive her. Brad suddenly shows up acting like a human being and puzzling the both of them. The doctor tells Alex she has to rest and have no stress. That should be one monumental task. She’ll get stressed trying to avoid stress.The doctor goes to get the baby, and Brad keeps acting like everything’s normal, which would totally be freaking me out. Alex says how sorry she is and that she loves him. He says it’s okay and let’s just get home. Alex asks him what he’s up to and why is he being nice? Brad acts like it’s all peachy keen. Alex says she doesn’t want either herself or the baby to get hurt. Brad still tries to act like nothing’s wrong, but Alex knows something’s up,  and says she doesn’t want to go with him. She’ll get there some other way. The doctor brings the baby in and Alex says she’ll take her up on that ride. Brad says he’ll see her at home.

Eddie stares daggers at Pete when he gets to work. The captain says that the detail has changed, and Pete and Ben will be riding their bikes in South Central. Ben says bikes are never used there and wonders why the captain is making that kind of change. Eddie tells him the frequency channel has changed on the radios and he’s switched Pete’s to only take incoming calls. He tells him to hang back after they get a call about shots being fired and that all hell is going to break loose. What a freaking tool Ben is. Some other guy, whose name I don’t know, is really concentrating on what’s going on, but I have no idea if this means anything.

Pete sees Lushion in the locker room. He asks if he’s talked to Natalie. The phone rings with Natalie’s ID, but  it’s Lushion’s son, little Frank. He tells Lushion what happened with Eddie. Lushion says to give Natalie the phone. Lushion asks her what Eddie wanted. Natalie says Eddie told her Lushion crossed him on a drug deal. Lushion asks if Eddie broke down the door and tazed her. Natalie hems and haws, so Lushion knows Frank was telling the truth. Lushion asks if she was hurt and she says he’s the only one who’s hurt her.

Pete has to leave before he can tell Lushion that Natalie has the video.

Whoa. Lushion marches into the office and grabs Eddie’s ass out of his chair and pushes him into the locker room. Eddie has even crazier eyes than Randal. Lushion gets right in his face and asks WTF Natalie? Eddie asks if Lushion told her about him robbing the dealers. Lushion tells him if he ever goes there again, they’ll have a problem. Eddie says he’ll go there however many times he wants to “put the fear of Eddie into your dumb bitch’s head.” Holy! Lushion shoves Eddie away and pulls the fire alarm. Then he shoots Eddie like a million times. He tells him next time he won’t aim at his vest. I honestly thought he was killing him.

Commercial break. Yay! Even though this is the finale of If Loving You is Wrong, January is bringing The Haves and the Have Nots back.

Everyone is wondering what the blip is happening at the station house. Lushion, who is suddenly back in the office, says it must be a false alarm or something. Lushion asks Steve where Pete is because Pete had something to tell him. Steve says they’re patrolling the South Side and Lushion says that’s suicide. Steve tells him to take it up with the captain. Lushion tries to radio Pete, but can’t get through. Steve is like, oh dear, must be a bad connection. A-hole.

Lushion says he has a private matter to take care of. Steve says he’d better not be going after Pete. Lushion says, bye, Felicia!

This is not looking good. Pete and Ben on bikes in a place where there’s a thug every two feet. Pete is getting the idea the radio isn’t working well. FA. If I was him, I’d quit right there and go home. These four guys come out from nowhere and start shooting the place up. Ben hangs back as instructed, and these guys walk down the street, shooting everything and everywhere. Pete slides behind a dumpster and starts to shoot back. I feel sick. He’s calling for Ben and trying to radio for back-up. I hate Eddie with a passion, but I know he’ll get his eventually. They always do. Pete tries to run and gets totally shot up. I guess he’s wearing a vest, but he falls. Ben looks as sick as I feel and he should. OMG – Pete is trying to radio “officer down.”

Alex arrives home and Brad is still doing the nice thing with the doctor. He tells Alex welcome home and asks if she saw the sign. He tells her Randal did it. How did this woman find the almost craziest two guys in this town?

Oh-ho! Brad tells Alex that her parents are here. And there they are! They’re totally racist jerks and Brad set this up. Her mom is in the kitchen, while her dad swills beer and doesn’t even acknowledge her. Alex’s mom tells her Brad rented them a fancy car and they drove all the way there to see the baby. Alex’s mother walks toward her and the baby, and Alex looks like she’s going to throw up.

Takeaway points to consider:

Randall is batsh*t crazy. And possibly dangerous. Even his own mother wants his wife to leave him, and is willing to help fund that.

Eddie is even crazier and even more dangerous.

Brad is crazy like a fox.

Lushion turned out to be the craziest one of all, but in a good way

There’s a shootout at the end of every finale episode.

Bravo, Tyler Perry, you did it again.

Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles

JoshF pulls out a spreadsheet and tells JoshA he’s looked up how much he racks up in sales. He says JoshA doesn’t do the numbers he says he does, and he has the numbers to prove it. He says he does $220 million in sales while JoshA does only $110 million. No comment. I’m guessing this kind of stuff must be just for the show. How on earth would these guys have either the time or inclination for this middle school nonsense?

Madison is helping a friend sell a beach house in Malibu. He must be Malibu Broker Barbie. The friend, Emily, is out of town, and it’s getting down to the wire as there’s a 24 hour time limit on a house he thinks she’ll really want. He leaves 5000 messages and she finally calls him back. Emily tells him if they’ve gotten such a good offer, why not wait? He says because it’s been on the market a year and she’s only gotten one offer. OMG – she’s like the people who want you to sell stuff on eBay for them.

James says despite the antics of the two Joshes, they have 5 offers for the Tower Hill property, which they’ll be presenting all at once in a half hour. They call the various brokers and get a little bidding war going. No surprise, the deal gets closed.

JoshA is selling a property for his Russian client, Max. By his definition, it’s classic house on the outside and modern on the inside. He’s having an open house with fabulous food. The brokers love the house, but there’s construction going on next door – for the next six months. The construction is definitely a sale block.

JoshF and his posse go to Rodeo Drive for some shopping. Josh says when he closes a deal, he likes retail therapy afterward. He gets a call about a client, Julie, that took a pass on a house she thought was too pricey. (Again, we’re talking about price differences that seem meaningless to me when it’s millions.) The owners want to know if she’s still interested. She is, but at the same price she wanted the last time. A deal is made. JoshF now gets to list Julie’s house.

James and Valeria are playing with the kids. It looks like they have their own Chuck E. Cheese in the house, since there’s a playroom full of those balls you roll around in. David is going to propose to his girlfriend, Adrian, and he drops by to show them the ring. No surprise, it’s a stunner. He’s going to do it while on a trip to Italy they have planned.

JoshA gets an architect friend to check out the construction next to the property he’s trying to sell. He wants an honest perspective as to how long it’s going to go on.  His friend says it will be lucky if it’s done in 12 months. Not good. Josh calls Max and tells him that they have to reduce the price because of the construction. He wants to lower it by a million dollars. Josh says he’ll still make a load of money and Max says you gotta do what you gotta do.

David’s house is complete and he’s started to show it. It’s nice and all, but geez, these houses always seem so boxy to me. James is hoping that David doesn’t become so attached to the house, he won’t want to let it go when it comes time.

In one of those little side scenes in between commercials, David practices asking Adrian to marry him on James’s little girl, Chloe. She’s a curly-headed angel and it’s very cute. Hey, kid, give that ring back.

JoshF is starting to show Julie’s house. It’s pretty huge and a little less cookie cutter than the others in this episode. It also has the common denominator of a fabulous view. He’s hoping the sale of her house goes more smoothly than her buying a new one did.

James and David meet with Tomar, an agent whose client is interested in David’s house. The figure is lower than David wants, and David says he’ll walk. He tells Tomar he wants closer to asking. Tomar comes back with another offer and David calls Adrian. He wants to make sure they’re together on it. He comes back and says they have a deal.

JoshA is having a book launch party. He says he spent the last two years writing about all his real estate knowledge. He can’t find Heather and one of the other guests says they haven’t seen her since they came in. He checks the ladies room. Yep, she’s there. And she says she’s late.

It’s only by a couple of days, so that’s really no indication of anything. Josh feels badly about everything he’s said recently about not wanting to have kids right now. He says he doesn’t care about anything except Heather, which is admirable. The guests have a toast, and he toasts to Heather.

JoshA says all he wants to do is take Heather home, tell her he loves her, and whatever happens after that, he’s ready. Good for him. And her.

Next week – Heather takes a pregnancy test and JoshA calls his mom.

Dec2

December 1, 2015 — GH, a Good-by & a Welcome Back

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Alexis is skeptical as to whether Helena is dead. Nicholas says he buried her himself, which is another reason I’m skeptical. Alexis starts singing about the wicked witch being dead. Geez, control yourself.

Elizabeth tells Carly to get lost. Carly says she’s concerned about Jason. Elizabeth says Jason is his own man, but Carly says Jason doesn’t know who that is. Check and mate. Carly tells Elizabeth she doesn’t care about him and just wants to trap him.

Laura asks Sam what’s up. Sam says that when she and Jake were talking, he said that she and Elizabeth were keeping a secret. Way to make Laura nervous.

Commercial break. This is a first. General Hospital is being brought to us today by the US Army.

Julian tells Maxie and Nina that if they don’t bring the magazine’s numbers up, he’ll have to shut it down. Maxie tells him that headhunters are already after Nina,but with their budget, there’s not a lot they can do.

Nicholas tells Alexis that Helena taunted Jason with her last breath and then keeled over. Alexis is concerned that Nicholas is picking up where Helena left off. I have news for her, he picked that up long before she left it off.

Laura says she can’t imagine what Sam is talking about. Sam tells her it involves Jason.

Patrick continues to act like an idiot. He’s annoyed that Jason has a son with Sam, and intends to stay in their lives.

Elizabeth says Carly just wants the old Jason back because she’s selfish. Carly says she wants him back because she’s his friend and he still has the old Jason instincts and wants danger and excitement. She says he’s going to end up seeking it out. Elizabeth says a bunch of nasty stuff, adding that if she has her way, Carly is not getting the old Jason back.

Laura plays it cool. She says Jake has an active imagination, and she’ll let his parents know he’s telling stories. Sam says she doesn’t think it’s his imagination and comes out and asks if they knew Jason’s identity before he did.

Jason tells Patrick that if he loses Sam, it won’t be because of him.

Carly tells Elizabeth that she always tried to make Jason feel small so he’d fit in with her. Snap! She reminds her of all the lies involving Danny. She says the only reason Jason is with her is because he doesn’t remember Sam or pretty much anything else, including what a manipulator Elizabeth is. Elizabeth says they’re together now and there’s nothing she can do about it. Carly says one day Jason might wake up to what’s going on.

Maxie says they need to give Nina a makeover and make every woman want to look like her and every straight man want to be with her. She’s bringing in a stylist. She tells Nina,”Change your clothes, change your life.” Preach it, sister.

Franco corrals Julian. He says Nina is brilliant, but can’t figure out why he would hire her with no experience. He tells Julian that if he hurts Nina, he’s going to clean up the floor with him. He says Nina has been through enough. Julian says that he only gave her a break because of her rough life. Please.

Nina gets a makeover! The stylist says Nina is her masterpiece. Nina says the shoes are pinching her feet, and Maxie says that’s okay because her feet will be numb soon. Ha-ha! They reveal Nina, and honestly, she doesn’t look much different than she did before. Just more dressed up. And in all black as a fashion editor should be. At least in New York.

Nicholas tells Alexis about the whole trip to Greece.

Carly says the second Jason remembers who he is, he’s going to leave Elizabeth. Elizabeth whines that Jason loves her. Carly says if that’s the truth, then she should give him a chance to remember. Well played!

Jason comes by Sam’s to pick up Jake. Laura is still there and Jason is like, hmm…what up?

Since Nina has mother issues, she says her sole purpose when she came out of her coma was to have a baby and seek revenge. Maxie points out that’s two purposes. The bottom line is that Nina always felt inferior, but she’s really happy right now. She vows to make something out of the magazine and her life. They fist bump to proving Julian wrong. Julian is at the office door and Nina says they know exactly what to do, but need his money to do it.

Alexis and Nicholas discuss Sam and Patrick. They agree that Patrick is a better match for keeping her safe, but Alexis says ultimately, it’s not their decision.

Elizabeth tells Carly “nice try,” and goes back to work. Patrick tells her about asking Jason to leave Sam alone.

Laura, who now has a perpetual worried face, tells Jason she’s sorry the whole Greece thing wasn’t more fruitful, but he got a couple of answers, so she hopes they can move on. She leaves and Jake is ready to go. He tells Sam he promises to keep her secret. Too bad that plan didn’t work.

Franco sees Carly and says he’s working there again. She says Obrecht must hire people who make her look sane. Ha-ha! She tells him to stay away from Morgan. He says he owes her one for dropping the charges against Kiki. Carly says shedid it for Kiki and enjoy feeling comfortable right now, because everything is going to come crashing down. I’m perplexed as to why she’s so angry with him.

Julian says if they need money, they have to draw up a proposal. Nina hands him a folder that she’s already put together. Julian leaves and Nina wants to show Maxie her brilliant idea.

Jason asks Jake if he wants to talk about anything, but stupid Elizabeth walks in. Jake goes off to watch TV, and Jason tells Elizabeth sorry he didn’t stick around for the lunch they were supposed to have. He calls the argument with Patrick “fallout,” saying that he thought things would normalize when he found out who he was, but that hasn’t happened.

Patrick has invited Alexis to Sam’s house to be her divorce lawyer. That’s kind of presumptuous of him. He’s really getting on my nerves. Sam tells her that when she’s ready to get a divorce, she’ll call Alexis, not Patrick. Good. Alexis leaves and Sam is not too happy with Patrick. I wouldn’t be either.

Julian tells Alexis that Nina has an idea that will put Crimson where he wants it, which is in the dumpster. I’m not sure what she told him, but Maxie seems pretty psyched. However, the money is still the issue (no pun intended). Nina says she’ll pay for it herself. She’s going to put in everything she has to make sure Crimson rises from the dead.

Carly continues being nasty to Franco. She says when Jason remembers how much he hates Franco, he’s going to make sure he’s dead.

Laura comes flying into Wyndemere. She tells Nicholas that Sam is thisclose to figuring out the truth.

Patrick says he wasn’t forcing Sam to do anything she didn’t say she wanted. Jason is divorcing her, and he wanted to make sure she had representation. Sam says yeah, right, he’s trying to manipulate her.

OMG – don’t tell me Elizabeth is actually going to do the right thing for once. She tells Jason she’s hanging on so tight to him, neither one of them can breathe. She says she’s letting him go and takes her ring off. This has to be a trick.

Tomorrow, Laura freaks out.

Below Deck – Reunion Part 2

We start off still discussing the oven fire debacle and whether Kate had been drinking or not. This is coming from Rocky to deflect from the fact the fire started because the oven was dirty. I’m sure that if Kate really did have a cup of wine around, it wasn’t affecting her job performance.

Andy says Captain Lee is a “man of mystery,” but I think it’s more like he wants to keep his distance from the drama. Andy asks if he’s a celebrity in the yachting community and he balks, but the other crew members say he is. We learn his first name is Harold. All this time, I thought it was Lee.

Andy asks Rocky what she thinks of him as a captain. Why her opinion should mean anything, is beyond me. She says he’s supportive of his main people, Eddie and Kate, but the others disagree. They say he’s supportive of everyone, but doesn’t put up with nonsense. Captain Lee says his main deal is that he needs it to be real and honest. No wonder I like him so much.

Andy asks Connie what her goal is and if she aspires to be a captain. She says not necessarily, but she’ll always want to work on boats. We flash back to when Connie’s father passed away. She says she was also on charter when her grandmother died (who she was close to, unlike her father) and that it’s difficult to get news like that through a text message, and she often doesn’t react until she gets home.

Eddie says together, Emile and Connie make the perfect deckhand. Andy reads a tweet that talks about how Connie and Rocky started off fine, but didn’t end on a good note. Connie says every time the cameras pointed at Rocky, she acted like a theatrical lunatic. Connie says you can still have friends that annoy you.

Rocky brings up when Connie put the whipped cream bikini on. Kate says that was different because it was off time, while Rocky took her clothes off during charter and dove off the side of the boat. Rocky says she had to take her clothes off because she was wearing an expensive mic. Okay. Captain Lee says her problem is, she doesn’t own her stuff. She always makes excuses for her mistakes. I’m with him on this. I hate that.

Rocky says she’s learned a lot since then and apologizes. She says that she thinks she was just overwhelmed with the whole thing. Kate and Rocky hug and I actually think it’s sincere. Kate says she’s ready for “the list,” a term she uses for people who have their job down and you don’t have to show them how any more.

They talk about the night Chef Leon quit. Andy says Chef Ben flew in like a yachtee superhero. Enter Ben. He says as a yacht chef, your job is to follow the guests’ preferences rather than just doing whatever. He says the galley was a disgrace and the health department would have shut it down.

They talk about Chef Ben’s accident and how Rocky literally had to be his left hand. Ben says she has the potential to work in the galley.

A tweet asks if Kate gets along with anybody and we flash back to an argument between her and Ben. Not really a fair example. Kate and Ben say that it’s more like banter between them. Andy asks about their “fling,” and they make jokes about how it didn’t last all that long. Andy asked if Kate had thought to rekindle the flame when Ben returned, but she says it was more like she was just grateful for a friendly face. Andy keeps pushing for them to get together again and it’s kind of annoying.

Dave, the final replacement deckhand, joins the group. Emile has all good things to say about his bunkmate. All of a sudden, Andy switches gears and starts talking about Eddie and Rocky’s hook-ups in the laundry room. Andy asks who made the first move, and Eddie says it was Rocky even though he texted first. Rocky acts like being on a yacht is a prison sentence where you have no other choice but to get together with your co-worker. Eddie says he doesn’t deny what happened, but it wasn’t exactly a relationship. More like friends with benefits. Rocky says usually friends with benefits act like friends.

Andy asks if Eddie thought it could really be kept secret and he says yes. Huh? He does know this is on TV, right? Rocky says she thought she could trust Emile because they were friends. Emile wants to deny that he had a crush on Rocky. Please. Especially after he wanted to fight for her honor. Amy calls Rocky out that she should have known better since Emile worked closely with Eddie.

Ben jokes about tipping his hat to Eddie for his sneaking skills. He says yachting is a concentrated environment and stuff is going to happen. Andy asks Rocky if she thought it was going to continue after charter. She says not after he went around talking trash about her. Connie hadn’t believed it at first and she says that’s because all anyone ever talked about Rocky was smack, and she didn’t think her boss would be “banging a cuckoo bird.”

The big denial is discussed. Like seriously, did Eddie think that was going to fly? He says he was ashamed of himself for his unprofessionalism. Rocky says she was surprised he didn’t feel something more for her. Eddie said he’d liked her, but when she went crazy and dove off the boat, things changed.  Eddie says that was the end, but Rocky interjects there were two more times after the show. What is wrong with Eddie? I hope his girlfriend gets a clue and dumps him.

They interject a scene where each of the crew members reads what their Real Housewives tagline would be. My favorite was Leon (read by Andy): Tonight, I’m serving beef cheeks.

Seriously, what is wrong with Eddie that he thinks this wouldn’t come out? He continues to deny it, but Rocky says she has no reason to lie. Stir-the-Pot Andy says Eddie does, since he’s back together with his girlfriend. Rocky says that they had been broken up at that time. I never get why people pretend something didn’t happen when they have it on film, but this dude just continues. Captain Lee says he was extremely disappointed in Eddie and it feels like when your father says something like that.

Andy reads a tweet that asks why Rocky seems to be solely to blame for the male reaction to her. I do kind of feel sorry for her here because she says she thought Eddie was at least a friend. Eddie says he told his girlfriend before he even got home. Andy asks if he hadn’t been caught, would he have told his girlfriend and he says yes, but come on. Eddie is like, can we just move forward, and Rocky says she forgives him. 1…2…3…awww!

Commercial break. I don’t recognize one couple on the new season of Marriage Boot Camp, except for Mama June and Sugar Bear. Maybe I’ll be skipping that one.

Andy asks if everyone sees themselves working on yachts in the future. Eddie says he’s going to concentrate on his career in tugboats. A spin-off series, Below Deck: Mediterranean will be coming up, with Chef Ben in the galley. I’ll definitely be watching this, but some of the scenes where the guests are treating the crew members like trick ponies are a little disturbing.

I’ll miss these guys, especially Captain Lee. I hope they come back for another season some time.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Giggy! A dude from the LA Dodgers comes to Lisa’s house because she’s going to throw out the first pitch for LGBT Night, and he’s going to teach her how to do it. The dogs go crazy as soon as they see a ball. Ken tells Lisa to pretend the guy is Brandi. Ha-ha! Lisa says she doesn’t have anything to do with Brandi anymore and I don’t blame her. That girl (and I use the term loosely) is a menace.

LisaR is doing an Oprah: Where Are They Now? show and the producer is there to go over things. LisaR says to actually get Oprah, you have to be at the next evolutionary level, which she’s working toward, but isn’t there yet. She says the longest she’s worked at a job is three years, so she has me beat by one. Except for my six year stint as a mother’s helper.

Eileen says her latest soap storyline is a complicated one, including a love triangle between her, her daughter and her daughter’s boyfriend. She says the last time she did that, she was the daughter, and wonders if she’ll be in the business long enough to do one being the grandmother.

LisaR says she hopes the rest of her career eclipses her Depends commercial, so it doesn’t say “she wore diapers” on her tombstone.

Kyle gets ready to meet Lisa at Villa Blanca. I’m glad those two made up.

Yolanda is not doing too well physically. Her daughter, Gigi Hadid, calls and Yolanda says Gigi had to leave school because the modeling contracts are plentiful right now.

Lisa wonders why Yolanda is doing so many different treatments. Yolanda was diagnosed with neurological Lyme disease a few years back, and is at a loss as to what to do, so she’s doing it all. She says it’s like trying to uncover a murder mystery.  She hasn’t even driven a car in three years. Kyle tells Lisa it’s weird how Yolanda never leaves the house anymore. Lisa says she wasn’t thrilled with how Yolanda treated Ken last season, but she’s letting it go under the circumstances.

Kyle says she’s in talks for a scripted show about her life in the 70s. Her sister Kathy is skeptical, but Kyle says the show isn’t about her. She says she hasn’t even been speaking to Kim. Kyle talks about Kim being arrested for drunk and disorderly at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Kyle says at least it’s easier now that everything is out in the open, and we flash back to several scenes where Kim was obviously out-of-her-mind drunk.

LisaR is having a dinner for her birthday. She invites Yolanda, who says husband David is away working, but maybe she’ll bring her friend, Angie. After she hangs up, she gets down about not being able to go places. She says if it wasn’t for her kids, she would have jumped off the balcony. In her individual interview, she talks about how she used to be so in control of everything and making it perfect, which she can’t do anymore. It’s really kind of sad. I’ve since read that she and her husband are divorcing, which makes it even sadder.

Giggy! Lisa is honored to be throwing out the first pitch, but is wishing she had a shot of vodka first. Giggy is with Lisa and Ken, looking as handsome as ever. He makes a big yawn and I squee. Lisa can’t pitch her way out of a paper bag, but everyone cheers anyway.

LisaR goes shopping with her daughters. It’s a cool store called Dungarees, not like those rich people stores that only have three items in them. LisaR sounds like a great parent. One of the kids wanted a car, so she told them to get a job. That’s what my father said when I was old enough to work and wanted a big ticket item.

Eileen is getting rid of some things in her house. While she’d thought it was eclectic, Brandi had said it was more like American Psycho.Eileen said it was hurtful, but it gave her a different perspective of her clutter. And actually that comparison is wrong, since the guy in that story was a minimalist. Eileen’s FIL, Dick van Patton, has also passed away recently, and left a void in the family.

I can assure you, LisaR’s birthday dinner venue is nothing like mine was. While I sat in front of the computer eating Arby’s, this restaurant looks like a fantasy villa with twinkling lights, flowers and columns. Yolanda shows up sans makeup and really doesn’t look too well. She still looks better than me on my best day, but in comparison to what she normally looks like.

Lisa and Ken have plans to join Kyle and her family on a vacation in Tuscany. Yolanda feels akin to a “car overheating” from pushing herself to go out and has to leave. LisaR’s husband, Harry Hamlin, arrives. She says he has a lot going on and hasn’t stopped since Mad Men. The food looks fantastic and LisaR gets a surprise gift from Eileen and Vinnie, who couldn’t be there because of Dick’s death. Harry gives LisaR a gorgeous pair of earrings. I have a similar pair, but I can guarantee mine were cheaper. Harry makes a joke about them being cubic zirconia, but that’s highly doubtful.

LisaR says Yolanda was brave to come out without any “protection,” meaning the façade of makeup. She’s very touched that Yolanda showed up.

Back at home, Mauricio and Kyle discuss Kim. Kyle says that when she was younger, you kept things like alcoholism private and this was part of the problem, and at least everyone is being honest about it now. She says there was never a chance to have an open and honest conversation. She says she feels selfish not swooping in to save Kim, but Mauricio says the only way to help is by tough love. Kyle says it’s not like Kim is banging on her door to apologize either.

Next week – Tuscany!

Although I’m not adding it, I highly recommend The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce. It gave me my quote of the week.

You know the last time I had a night out? Never.

Dec1

November 30, 2015 –Keeping Secrets in PC; Not So Much in LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Jason wants to see Diane to get his financial stuff together. Elizabeth suggests he seek a divorce from Sam while he’s at it. No surprise there.

Morgan is getting reevaluated at the hospital. Sonny is fretting about Dante and Lulu. Carly tells him to give Dante some space. They talk about mystery child Christina, who is apparently getting over a broken heart.

Ugh! Valerie wakes up next to Dante and I want to throw up. These two disgust me to no end.

Laura (who is looking really good) calls Lulu to tell her good luck with Dante. Laura has no idea how much Lulu is going to need, especially when she walks in and Valerie is in her shower. Nicholas is back with the news that Helena is dead, but I don’t believe it. She’ll be back. They always are. Laura says she’s sorry for Nicholas’s loss. He’s like, really? After everything Helena put her through? She says Helena was still his grandmother. He says it’s hard for him to grasp that she won’t be around to wreak havoc anymore, but in a way it’s a relief. Laura says at least he and Elizabeth are in the clear. Hardly.

Hayden goes to the bar at the only favorite restaurant of Port Charles. She meets a guy named Curtis, who Sean sent to help her expose who really shot her.

Patrick has to go to work (at least somebody does) and Sam wants to plan a romantic evening. I get the feeling her heart isn’t entirely in it though.

Ava asks about Morgan and Carly tells her to just hand over Avery for visitation time. She says she agreed to supervised visits and behold! the supervisor.

Sam calls Jason and asks if he can arrange a play date for Jake and Danny. Elizabeth of course volunteers to drop Jake off. Jason tells her to stay at work, he’ll handle it. I wonder if anyone ever puts in a full day at the hospital and how anything even gets done in Port Charles. You’d think these people all work for the government.

Dante answers the door to find Lulu. She starts to talk about fixing things, but here comes that witch Valerie, wrapped in a sheet. Seriously, does anyone ever really walk around wrapped in a sheet like they do on TV or in the movies? I’ve never once done that. Valerie says she’ll get dressed in the bathroom. Lulu asks Dante if he’s going to say it’s not what it looks like, but he says it’s exactly what it looks like.

Carly tries to argue with Yvonne, the child visitation supervisor, saying that Avery is Sonny’s daughter. Why is she bothering with that, since she knows they have to go according to the court order?

Laura says that with Helena gone, the truth about Jason is gone. She tells Nicholas the only one he has to worry about now is Hayden.

Hayden tells Curtis she knows who shot her, but she needs evidence.

Elizabeth tells Patrick that Jason is going to talk to Diane about a divorce, even though that’s not exact;u what he said he was doing. Although why should Elizabeth tell the truth about anything at this point?

Jason drops off Danny at Sam’s. They say blah-blah-blah about how they want the best for each other. He tells her he’s going to see Diane and Sam says it’s time for them to get a divorce and he won’t have any problem with her about it.

Patrick says he’s not surprised about Jason getting a divorce. Jason told him Sam is just a friend and he belongs with Elizabeth, who gloats like the cat who ate the canary.

Jake spills something and asks Sam not to be angry. She tells him that she once spilled a whole carton of milk and blamed it on the cat, and that this is the first time she’s ever told anyone. Since she shared this secret with him, she asks if he would like to return the favor.

Nicholas says he can trust Hayden. Laura says she doesn’t want to see him get hurt like what happened with Britt.

Curtis says if Hayden knows who shot her, why not just call the cops? She says she doesn’t want to involve them. Curtis is hesitant, as he doesn’t want to end up in prison with Sean.

Some guy is in the gallery when Ava walks in and she says she’s going to get the police if he doesn’t leave. Paul pops in and introduces her to “Raj.” He also tells her that he’s brought a new piece of artwork, which we know isn’t really artwork, but will probably never find out what it really is.

Carly asks Yvonne if she can give Sonny some space and just hang around outside. Surprisingly, she agrees, which I seriously doubt would happen in real life. Oh sure, I’ll just go get coffee when I’m supposed to be supervising the visit.

Lulu is like, I can’t believe it. Dante says she gave him separation papers, ignorant of the fact that the body isn’t even cold yet. She says he couldn’t even wait one day? and that she had come to tell him she’d made a mistake. She should really get rid of him. He’s just way too impulsive and has proved this over and over. Since that’s still her house, she should also drag Valerie’s ass out, dressed or not. And burn that sheet she was wearing. Maybe with her in it.

Jason is back at the hospital and tells Carly he wasted the trip to Greece. She says maybe he has to look inside himself for the answer. (More Wizard of Oz wisdom.) He says he has what he needs with Elizabeth and the kids. Carly says, what about Sam? and Jason acts like he’s never met her. Patrick tells Elizabeth he’s not so sure Sam doesn’t still love Jason.

Sam tells Jake to think of a secret and she’ll try to guess what it is. When she asks if it’s about his mommy, he practically spills every bean, except the actual secret.

Laura tells Nicholas that Spencer got attached to Britt and now he’s getting attached to Hayden. Nicholas says he knows what he’s doing and Laura says she hopes so.

Hayden tells Curtis that she thinks there’s a bullet in the wall at the garage. He says it might not provide the information she wants, but she says just get it and she’ll do the rest.

Ava asks my eternal question – what the blip is our business? Paul says they’re in international shipping and what difference does it make? Well, for one it makes a difference to customs.

Sonny teaches Avery Beautiful Dreamer. Ok, this is pretty cute and he actually knows words to the second verse.

Dante says Lulu said they were over and he believed her. Oh, I see. This he believes, even though he’s constantly double-checked everything she has to say up until now. Valerie, instead of keeping her stupid nose to herself, has to put in her two cents as she walks by, that it’s Lulu’s fault because she gave Dante the separation papers. Lulu is like, well, you were right there to jump in, and Valerie acts all high and mighty like the blippity-blip she is.

Lulu goes off like a rocket. Valerie says she wanted to play the victim and make Dante grovel. What’s wrong with that? I ask before screaming, “Smack her!” at the TV. Valerie says she was sorry for sleeping with Dante, but she didn’t destroy Lulu’s marriage, Lulu did. She leaves before I’m able to find something to throw at the TV.

Laura goes out for a glass of champagne and does a whole thinking out loud monologue that they rarely use on the soaps anymore. I love it! She makes a silent toast to Helena’s death, vowing to fix things with Nicholas that Helena messed up.

Jason tells Carly he wants to move on with Elizabeth and if it doesn’t fit her expectations, too bad. Carly says Elizabeth has tried to put him into a cookie cutter life and that he’s running from who he really is. She says Jason isn’t a stranger, Jason is him. Jason says get used to the new him.

Sam digs deeper to find out what Danny knows. When he seems uncomfortable, Sam tells him his secret with mommy is his secret with mommy and he doesn’t have to tell her. Sam makes a phone call to someone saying she needs to talk to them right away.

Sonny wants more time with Avery. Yvonne tells him she has to go by the rules and doesn’t want t o tattle to the judge, but Paul intervenes and says it’s cool if Sonny wants more time. What up wit dat?

Lulu asks Dante if Valerie is speaking for him and if he agrees with her. He says he speaks for himself and shows her the signed separation papers. Even though I detest him, I was hoping he’d rip them up for her sake. But nooooo.

Sonny thanks Paul for the extra time. Paul says he had the same experience with Tracy a million years ago. Paul says they also share a love for Port Charles and he wants to put an end to the kind of criminal activity that put Sonny in the wheelchair. Sonny says a lot of DAs have come and gone, and Paul says he isn’t like the rest.

Ava is trying to get into the crate that’s been delivered. She gets it open and there are weapons inside. I’m pretty shocked that this has been revealed, and wonder if the weapons are a front for something else.

Hayden tells Nicholas it’s been too quiet without him. He says he’s glad Spencer didn’t create chaos. She says that’s not the kind of excitement she’s looking for and they kiss.

Carly grabs Elizabeth and says she wants her to let Jason go. Jake leaves a message for Diane.

Patrick tells Jason thanks for divorcing Sam & it’s about time.

Sam opens the door to Laura.

Tomorrow – Franco! And more of Carly getting on Elizabeth’s case.

Vanderpump Rules

I gotta say, Lisa is an incredibly gorgeous woman. Lisa asks Scheana how it’s going with Shay. She says they’re going to hit the gym five times a week and eat healthy. Lisa says addiction isn’t cured by scrambling some egg whites. Amen.

Jax is pretending to stock the bar and probably slipping several bottles of wine into his car as he does it. He’s one of those people who can’t comprehend that cheating, lying and thievery is wrong. He says he has milk with a longer shelf life than Scheana and Shay’s marriage and generally throws them shade. Lisa chides him and tells him to keep his new nose out of it. It’s amazing how her beauty and her accent allow her to totally insult people and they don’t mind.

Lala is hung over and apparently made out with James at whatever party/bar/get together they were last at. James told her he and Kristen had broken up. He says in his individual interview that they have, they just haven’t broken up yet.

Kristen shows up at SUR and asks Lala (who she doesn’t know) to tell James that she’s waiting for him. Lala says it’s like a horror movie. Just wait. James is like, you’ve got to be kidding, and steps out to see Kristen. She’s a psychopath, but she knows how to pick an outfit. Her dress is amazing. Kristen is just back from a modeling shoot and there are two different stories according to the both of him. In James’s version, she went on a bender, probably had sex with some guy and never called the whole time; and in Kristen’s, she went out with friends and her phone died.

James tells her she will never see his gorgeousness again. He says that the only time that will happen is if she stalks him like she did Tom. In the meantime, Lala is telling Jax and Tom that she’s freaking because she made out with James and crazy Kristen is outside. Jax tells her that on a one to ten scale of crazy, Kristen is probably around 457. I’m making that up. He actually did a crazy scale with hand gestures, but I know he’d agree with my numbers.

Kristen brings up stuff that she’s done for James. He tells her that she’s crazy and a joke. She says she’s sorry her past has affected him, that she’s worked hard on herself and that it’s obvious he’s just trying to hurt her. She tells him he’s gorgeous (debatable) and talented (also debatable) and he’s throwing it away (still debatable because he’s only like 12). James says the only thing screwing up his life is her and tells her it’s over. He can’t help tossing back more insults as he walks away, saying he has a date tomorrow and it’s going to be a better time than he ever had with her. I can’t stand Kristen, and maybe James has a reason to be saying all this, but I’m liking him even less than her in this moment.

Scheana and Shay are having morning coffee. She has on these phenomenal blue framed glasses on that I’m sure weren’t cheap. She says they shouldn’t be as out of shape as they are at their age, and Tom is going to give them cooking and nutrition lessons.

Tom and Ariana arrive. Tom is going to cook them some omelets. As it turns out, he’s quite the omelet whiz and was once a professional omelet maker who cooked rich peoples’ breakfasts. The breakfast looks awesome, but there’s no way I’d do all that first thing in the morning. With the exception of Kristen, I think these kids are all good hearted, but misguided if they think babysitting Shay is going to keep him sober.

Peter is getting a haircut! I’ll bet this will make him look 10 years younger. When men wear long hair after a certain age, it just ages them. Maybe because it seems like they’re trying to hard to look younger. Jax tries to tell on James dating Lala (I guess she’s his tomorrow date?) and misuses the word “fraternization,” but Lisa isn’t having it. She says he’s just jealous. He says he doesn’t want to date Lala; he just wants to sleep with her. At least he’s honest. Although sleep is not what he means.

Rachel is the friend Kristen inflicts with her problems. Or in her words, when she’s having difficulties with her life, Rachel is the person she has a drink with. Or five. Her “girl power” friend. You go, Psycho Spice. Up until now, James has been telling Kristen that Lala is a whore, but she’s put two and two together that Lala must be his date. She barely slept and threw up all day. Have another drink.

Peter goes to the salon and brings his posse with him (Jax and Tom). The hairdresser is rocking some sort of natural style with a shocking pink blaze in the front. Peter’s ponytail gets cut and his head must feel lighter. He asks what was up with James the other night.

For whatever bizarre reason, Jax says the SUR bunch have invited both Kristen and Lala out for drinks at a club. Are they insane? Yes. Tom says he doesn’t think Jax will ever have a real relationship because he loves to stir the pot. He and Ariana are distancing themselves from the drama.

The girls go for pedicures. Scheana says that Kristen has been blowing up her phone. Scheana wants to call Lala out for being the type that goes after other people’s boyfriends. She thinks everything is okay with her and Shay, ignoring the fact that he’s been addicted for many years. They’ve decided to pretend the last week never happened, and she’s threatened him with divorce if he ever takes another pill. She seems to think this can replace rehab or meetings. Ariana is concerned that they will continue to sweep things under the rug.

Lala and James go to some burger place. Yay! They’re in time for happy hour. Lala says she was nervous all day. I would be too. Kristen is probably in the next booth. In her individual interview, she says he’s not her usual type, and that she usually goes for the steak, but she’s enjoying the string beans. James says it’s obvious Jax told Kristen what’s up with them. Lala doesn’t seem too concerned though, and I’m guessing she can hold her own against Alex Forrest Kristen Doute.

Lisa has brought in Jesse and Jen to teach the staff about wine and wine pairings. They hate being schooled, but at least Jax keeps his remarks to himself this time. Scheana stays behind and Lisa asks her for an update. Lisa says it’s not a good idea for Shay not to be working. Scheana says it’s more important that they work on their marriage, but Lisa tells her she’s going to end up resenting it. And she has on a fabulous pink sparkly ring! Frankly, I think that dude needs to start doing something with his time other than working the remote. Scheana says he’s trying, and Lisa says maybe not hard enough. If I was married to him, his behind would be out looking for a job, even if our last name was Rockefeller.

It’s time to go to the club for the interrogation drinks. Shay took a pass on the event for obvious reasons. Scheana starts off by saying she’d like to get to know Lala better, but dives right in to how James was still going out with – and there she is. Lala wonders why Kristen is there when everyone says how much they hate her. That is a really good point.

James tries to put his arm around Lala, and she tells him to have some respect. He says she’s no fun anymore. Really. It sounds like I made that up, but I didn’t. He said that. James follows Kristen, Jax and Tom outside, but sits separately. Kristen gives Jax some BS about how she’s so chill now. Lala bravely steps in and introduces herself and Jax runs like hell. Lala  tells Kristen that James said they were broken up. Kristen says James has called Lala a slut and a whore. In her individual interview, she says James was no doubt covering in case Kristen caught him texting her, which he’d been doing for a while.

James sits down, Lala says she’s offended, and the girls leave him sitting there by himself. Everyone reconvenes in the club. Lala tells James she didn’t like what he’d said about her. James acts like Kristen must have lied to her. Scheana says it really wasn’t cool and Jax is laughing his head off. Of course nobody has actually told James what they’re even talking about. James says it was before he really knew Lala and he was only talking about her outfit.

Next week – Gay Pride Day and Shay at the gym. Lala also gives James the brush off.

Tidbit from the After Show

Kristen says she smacked her face on the bumper of an Uber, which is why she has a black eye. Hmm…

I was okay with the bitch until he attached the basic to it. Lala, referring to James’s insults.

 

Nov30

November 29, 2015 — The Dead Walk, the Wives Squawk & Dark Clouds Stalk

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

The Walking Dead

Ok, it’s creepy already. We’re going down a hallway while Tiny Tim’s Tiptoe Through the Tulips plays in the background. Jessie’s son, Sam, is drawing weird pictures in crayon. A bunch of ants crawl down the frame of his window to the plate of uneaten food next to the bed. WTF?

Moving on. Last week, the church tower fell, opening the walls of Alexandria to the zombie horde. This is not good news. The zombies are getting pretty gross too. Rick gets it together quickly and tells everyone to get inside.  Very intense stuff.  Deanna comes out shooting, but she’s a bad shot so not much help.

This really sucks. Even Carol is falling all over the place, she’s so startled. Rick drags Deanna’s ass inside. Maggie is having a tough time of it, but manages to climb a ladder. Since she’s climbing for two, she’s pretty motivated. The ladder falls out from under her, but she pulls herself up there. Geez, I’m tired now.

The green balloons are still floating in the sky. Eugene is somehow remaining unobtrusive, but is still outside, and Tara and the girl whose name I don’t know, save him. I’m sure someone must have gotten eaten here, but all the main characters get to safety, such as it is, while the zombie horde roams the streets of Alexandria.

Commercial break. Dammit! Why does Krampus have to be PG-13? It looks so good, but I can’t deal with a room full of kids and their cell phones.

From a distance, Glenn and Enid can see what’s going on at Alexandria. Glenn says people are still alive, but Enid says this is how it happens and it always happens. Glenn says they’re still alive and why lose people before they’re even gone? Very good point.

Jessie’s son is acting very freaky. Jessie comes busting in with Rick and a bunch of people and this kid is on his last nerve. Jessie tells him to pretend like it’s all good, but he’s petrified and not functioning. He needs to turn off that music.

Carol and Morgan are stuck together. Carol says she doesn’t trust him, but she doesn’t think he’s a liar either. She asks how it is outside and he says they’re still in the streets. Did they think the zombies would be gone by now? Carol is hurt and Morgan tells her she needs to sit down before she falls down.

Somehow Denise got stuck with the Wolf that Morgan captured. He’s like, it’s cool to talk, and she says she should be out helping people. She says he’s killed people, and he says they were freed. Denise says Morgan doesn’t want to let him go until he knows he won’t kill again. The Wolf says he has an infection from cutting himself on a rusty bumper. Denise takes a look at it and tells him he can change. Let’s hope that wound is what he’s saying it is and he doesn’t change into a zombie. He looks at Denise like he has a crush on her. Or maybe he wants to eat her. I’ve looked at cakes that way.

Michonne is checking out Deanna’s would. Are those teeth marks?

Yep, I guess so. Rick says she doesn’t have much time. He says he’s going to try and get a vehicle and get the zombies out of there.

Michonne tries to distract Deanna by discussing the plans she gave them for the new Alexandria. Deanna says that she got to do what she wanted up until the end and asks Michonne what she wants for herself. Michonne says she doesn’t know and Deanna says she’d better. She probably knows she doesn’t want to turn into a zombie.

Ron whines to Carl that they’re all dead and tells him his dad’s a killer. Carl says so is his, and that gives Ron pause for thought. Ron locks the door and attacks Carl. Then he busts open a window like a freakin’ jerk. The zombies are all focused on getting in now. Idiot! They should throw Ron out there with them.

Now everyone has to run like crazy to get away and they can barely hold the door shut with a couch. Rick asks Carl what the blip happened. This probably isn’t the time to have some big discussion. Ron goes upstairs and Carol follows. Carl draws his gun and tells Ron to give him his gun. Carl takes the gun from him. Carl says he gets that his dad killed Ron’s dad, but Ron needs to get that his dad was an a-hole. His word, although I concur.

Commercial break. Episode of Fear 462. The first passenger turns into a zombie.

Great. Baby Judith is crying and attracting zombies. Uh-oh. Deanna is gone. Rick opens the door and finds her over the crib and almost chops her in the head with an ax, but she’s like, hold on there, I’m still alive. Rick says from now on someone needs to be with her. And it can’t be Judith. Oh wow. Rick made a funny. She gives him something from Spencer to Maggie and Rick says he’ll make sure she gets it. Deanna tells him she didn’t run out to help him because she liked him, or a bunch of other reasons, but because he’s one of them. They are all his people.

Girl whose name I don’t know asks Tara if she thinks it’s curtains for Alexandria. Tara says no. For some reason Girlfriend says she thinks Abraham is dead. Tara is like, is not. Girlfriend wants to spread out from the area of the building they’re in, and Eugene says lock picking is within his skill set.

Morgan asks Carol if she’s all right and she says she’s just resting her eyes. That’s what my dad used to say when he was falling asleep in the recliner. Morgan is looking around and doesn’t see Carol. She pops out and grabs some keys from him and takes off. What?

Rick and company are having a hell of a time and the zombies have gotten totally into the house. Damn! They block the staircase with the couch.

Denise is tending to the Wolf’s wound and Carol comes in with a knife saying get away from him. Denise says he’s tied up, but she moves. I would too if Carol had a knife in my face. Morgan is right behind her with his stick. WTF, Carol?

Rick and Michonne pick off a couple of zombies and drag them upstairs. The plan is to gut the zombies, put the guts on bed sheets, and get to the armory. Rick says anyone who stays will die. Will someone please turn that record off?

Morgan says they can be better than the Wolfs; they don’t have to kill. Carol says she doesn’t want to have to kill Morgan too. I have a bad feeling about this, Beavis.

Deanna asks Michonne what’s going on. She’s not looking too good. She says it’s her life from start to finish. She has a gun and says she’s not ready yet, but she will be. She tells Michonne to go. Michonne thanks her for believing in them. Deanna tells her to figure out what she wants. Probably surviving is at the top of the list.

DAMMIT! TURN THAT RECORD OFF! Jessie tells Sam that he has to pretend to be brave and they have to go.

Carol says she’s going to kill Morgan to kill the Wolf because she doesn’t want anyone else to die. This makes perfect sense, said no one ever.The Wolf says they should kill him, but they’re all going to die anyway. Morgan knocks the knife (scissors, whatever it is) out of her hand with the stick, and they tussle. Carol gets knocked out and the Wolf gets free and grabs the knife.

Rick and company put the gut covered sheets on. Stupid Father Gabriel claims that he won’t turn back no matter what happens. We’ll see.

Denise begs the Wolf not to kill them. She says he claimed they were dead anyway. He frees himself, and comes after her with the knife and she tells him he’s full of sh*t. Eugene, Tara and Girlfriend come in, but the Wolf puts the knife to Denise’s throat, so they lower their weapons.  He takes one of the guns and walks past them, holding the gun to Denise’s head. Why he wants to leave is beyond me.

Rick and the others are ready to leave the house. Hopefully, it doesn’t rain this time. This looks so disgusting, I can almost smell it. The crowd of zombies in the house reminds me of some NYC parties I’ve been to. Glenn and Enid see them come out of the house from a tree.

Deanna is about to shoot herself, but shoots a few zombies first. You go, girl!

I can understand not moving fast, but this group should probably get off the porch. That stupid freaking kid! He starts going, “Mom…mom…mom…” Shut the blip up!

Next week, Daryl and company can’t catch a break.

Oh, and thanks for the earworm, Walking Dead.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kenya “stops by” Sheree’s house. It does look like kind of a mess, but really just a work in progress. Kenya says it’s at least 15 to 20,000 square feet. Yep, it’s big. Kenya talks about how she had her entire house gutted and it sounds like a headache. Kenya invites Sheree to a party on a yacht. She wants to give Cynthia a good time since she got stuck with that cretin, Peter, as a partner in life.

Phaedra is out shopping with Porsha, who’s looking for some cute, trashy close for Facetime with her boyfriend.

Peter is in Charlotte (good, stay there) and Cynthia invites Kandi over. Kandi tells her that she has some pregnancy issues, but she feels she’s taking it easy enough. She talks about the restaurant she and Todd want to open. Cynthia makes excuses for Peter like she usually does, but she also admits their relationship isn’t working. Please, get rid of him already.

Kim is talking to Phaedra about an event she went to with “too much boobage” and Phaedra says that she might be in with the wrong crowd here. She says she doesn’t really have a huge social life, it mostly revolves around her husband and kids.  She tears up, realizing she’s lost herself somewhere in there.

Porsha dresses up like a porn star for her chat with her boyfriend. She keeps checking herself in the mirror while eons go by and she can’t get ahold of him. An hour goes by. She calls Phaedra to complain about having to wait on Duke. Phaedra says the thrill is gone and it’s run its course. Geez, it didn’t take much.

Kenya picks up Cynthia and her friend, Tammy. Kandi picks up Kim in what looks like an airport limousine. She says she needs a lot of room because of the pregnancy. Kim says she admires Kandi’s entrepreneurship. They talk about sex toys, as Kandi has a line of them. Kim says this is very different from her normal carpool experience.

Oh this should be good. Tammy’s best friend is Sheree’s ex-husband. She let’s fly that Sheree was a gold digger.

Kandi picks up Porsha and some friend of hers that we don’t get introduced to. Kim expresses concern that Kenya will bedriving the boat, but they have a legitimate captain. And some hunky bartenders. Kenya greets the rest of the guests, indicating that she didn’t invite Shemia, who is the tagalong friend. She was also at Kenya’s launch party. Kenya has to explain to Porsha that not all parties include a plus one.

Tammy acts all fangirl with Kandi having been in Xscape.  Kenya makes an announcement that the party is all about Cynthia. Sheree comes on board and they shove off.

Tammy talks to Kandi about her son’s rap song and says she wants to get him in the studio with Kandi. Tammy says Sheree’s ex is producing him. Kandi is evasive and rightly so. This is no place to be bugging her about work stuff and Kandi says in her individual interview that she doesn’t want to hear about anything without a budget. Tammy says her husband is “Nazi white.” What is this girl on?

Kim pulls out a book, which is probably what I would do, and Kenya throws it overboard. Everyone is drinking heavily, except for Kandi and Kim. Now they’re going to get in the water. Brilliant. They’re wearing life jackets, but still.

Kenya says thanks to everybody for being supportive at her event despite the heat. She says the only one who threw shade was Shemia, and next thing we know, Kenya is looking to have this uninvited guest escorted off the boat. Portia uses the term “bitch” in reference to Cynthia and even though they’ve been using this word toward each other all day, Cynthia isn’t liking it. In her individual interview.  Porsha says she didn’t mean it in an insulting way and suggests that the last shot must have turned her into Peter.

Kenya has to explain that Porsha should just apologize and let it go. Porsha goes to find Cynthia, who has gone to the other side of the boat with Kim. Cynthia claims that Porsha was being disrespectful. Porsha says she’s sorry, but she doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong, which isn’t exactly an apology. They get into a finger-in-your-face shouting match that ends (at least for tonight) with Porsha jumping up and onto Cynthia. I flashback to when she did the same thing to Kenya on the reunion. This girl has no self-control. They tend to throw the term “ghetto” around too, but I think this is actually it.

Next week – the fight continues and Porsha ends up flailing about on the floor again.

Once Upon A Time

I’m putting this show last, even though I watched it first. I thought if somebody new reads this and it’s the first thing they read, they’ll think I’m high or something. It’s not me, it’s the show. I’m sure my writing is as hard to follow as it is for me to follow the program. If this was the 80s, I’d swear the writers are on crack.

Hook throws the dreamcatcher in Dark Emma’s face and those black stringy things go all over, roping him in. He remembers coming to the dark side and emerges out of the forest sewer cap in the hoodie required to be in the dark one club. Rumpel is waiting for him.

Rumpel says he can get his revenge for him.  And then he’ll be capable of doing what he’s always wanted to do – killing Rumpel.

Regina tells Dark Emma thanks a lot for turning Hook dark. Snow tells Dark Emma to give back their memories. David says the dreamcatchers are gone.

Hook goes to Mr. Gold’s shop and says he wants to savor killing him. He reminds Gold/Rumpel of how he came to be dark in the first place. Hook says all Rumpel has to do is get Excalibur from him and asks if they should finish what they started.

Rumpel says they have to find out more about the first dark one to stop Hook. Dark Emma says she can help, but she needs the cuff that’s holding her back to be taken off. She pleads with Henry to believe she’ll behave herself, but Henry is like, oh no, you’ve lied one too many times and you just want your dark magic back so you can be bad all over the place. Emma is bummed because they don’t trust her, but what did she expect? Trust has to be earned, dark one.

Everyone goes to the forest sewer cap, but it’s shut and they can’t get down there.  Snow thinks Lancelot’s mother, the Lady of the Lake, can help. Lancelot leaves to find her. Hook asks why dark ones must dress like monks. Ha-ha! Rumpel finds him wandering about the forest whining about how he’s stuck in Camelot. Dark Emma joins the both of them. She says she wants a future with Hook, and he has to want it too. He says he does and Rumpel disappears. Emma says they can get rid of the darkness in themselves by bonding with their loved ones, and I’d swear it was Iowa from all the corn.

Mr. Gold tells Belle that if he survives the duel with Hook, he’s going to be the man she wants him to be. He’s run from battles his whole life and isn’t running from this one.

Zelena tries to come into the hospital to get her baby, but her daughter is gone. Regina says they needed to protect the child from her. Regina says the only reason she has the baby is because she killed Marion and deceived Robin.

Merida is guarding Dark Storybrooke Emma. Hook startles her and she almost shoots him. Dark Emma says the reason Hook is there is because he still has feelings for her. Hook says he’s free now, and no one can stop him. Dark Emma says the darkness is just using him; it doesn’t care about what he wants. He says she’s so afraid of losing the people she loves, she pushes them away. He says she doesn’t need the darkness, she does fine on her own. He says he wants to hurt her like she hurt him. Even when you’re a dark one, you can’t escape middle school.

In Camelot, however, Dark Emma and Hook are making out in the woods. Hook goes to get water (can’t he just conjure some up?) and he gets a headache. Rumpel appears and says it’s the sound of the dagger. He says Dark Emma must have it and she’s lying to him. Dark Emma comes looking for Hook and he asks if she knows where Excalibur is. She says something unrelated like, “How about them Mets?” to deflect the question. He asks if she used its magic on him. He’s pretty pissed that she turned him dark. He says he stopped Regina from using it on her because she should make her own decisions and she should have let him make his. Then he’s gone, poof! in a puff of red smoke. Burgundy really.

Rumpel is in the shop practicing with the sword and gets interrupted by Dark Emma. She wants Hook to last long enough in the duel for her to steal back the dreamcatchers and suggests he use magic. Rumpel says he wants to win with honor. She’s like, good luck with that.

Regina brings Zelina to her house where Robin and the baby are, reminding Zelena that she has her powers back too. Zelena says,  “Once you go green, you never go queen,” referring to her tryst with Robin. Regina says she’s spent years doing terrible things beyond Zelena’s imagination, but having a child changed things. She hopes that kind of love does the Jessiee for Zelena. Robin says although he and Zelena can never be a family, she can have supervised visits with the baby. Does this baby have a name yet?

Belle, David, Henry & Snow are at the library doing research. How come they’re not using a computer? Dark Emma ambushes Henry. She asks for help with the dreamcatchers and Henry agrees.

Dark Emma searches for Hook with no luck. She summons him with Excalibur. He says it wasn’t cool for her to make him feel out of control. She says she called him because she does believe he should control his own fate. She gives him Excalibur and says let’s do this together. She says she loves him. He returns the sentiment and they make out in a field of flowers.

Mr. Gold shows up at Hook’s ship. Hook says it has to be a fair fight (that’s good of him) and heals Rumpel’s leg. They duel with swords.

Commercial break. Galavan is coming back! I liked that show & I also forgot about it. It was so weird, I didn’t think it would come back. Certainly not after all this time.

Hook and Dark Emma hook (ha-ha!) back up with the others. Merlin is staring into a bubbling caldron. Hook walks in on him and steals his heart. Rumpel says be careful, it’s pretty old. Nimue also pops in. (Every time I hear her name, that song The Lion Sleeps Tonight plays in my head.) She says she’s always loved Merlin. Hook says she lives in all dark ones, so when he crushes Merlin’s heart, so will she.

Hook and Rumpel continue to fight. Rumpel loses his sword and Hook has him at a disadvantage.

Henry, who has brought stuff to make a new dreamcatcher, takes the cuff off of Dark Emma.

Dark Emma finds Hook with Merlin’s heart. She’s pretty pissed because he tricked her. She asks Nimue what she wants and she says Dark Emma wants it too. Dark Emma gets the feels and tells Hook revenge isn’t his happy ending and if he destroys Merlin’s heart, he’ll destroy his happy ending. He says the happy ending died when she turned him into a dark one and he crushes Merlin’s heart.  Whoa. That’s cold.

Hook prattles on and magic forest Rumpel pops in asking what’s the delay. When Hook looks at him, Mr. Gold/Rumpel turns the tables. I don’t think he kills him though. Belle meets Rumpel in the woods, but they don’t make out. She tells him he’s broken her heart too many times. He says, but wait a minute, I won the battle, my heart is pure now, so let’s make out. Belle basically says she has to go find herself and needs to protect her heart. There you go. After all that.

Dark Emma makes Merlin’s body go poof! in a cloud of grey smoke. She tells Hook she’ll never abandon him, not even now, makes a hand gesture (not that one) and he keels over. She brings out a dreamcatcher. She makes everyone go to sleep. She uses the dreamcatcher to erase the memories of her turning Hook dark.

Rumpel tells her no good is going to come of this. Lots and lots and lots of blue smoke envelops everything.

All of a sudden, Excalibur is back at Camelot and Arthur’s eyes bug out of his head. From the tower window, Arthur and Guinevere see the humongous cloud of smoke coming their way too. Arthur tells Guinevere that it’s dark magic coming.

Everyone gets dreamcatchers like they’re party favors. Emma says she remembers and she knows what they’re doing, meaning Hook and Rumpel.

Hook and Rumpel are at some creepy pond. Hook dips his hook into the pond. A ghost ship appears! Well, more like a gondola. There are a bunch of hooded dudes in it and one comes across the pond, walking on the water. It’s Nimue and she says she’s hear to do what dark ones do best, snuff out the light. Hook says welcome to Storybrooke. And I thought those snuffers all lived in my town.

The winter finale – whatever that is – an excuse to take a break – is next week.