What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Portia is looking at her wedding photo, when there’s a knock at her office door. Marshall asks if she’s got a minute, and she says, of course (🍷). He says, they’ve barely seen each other at the house, and she says, that’s on her. She’s been so busy with work. He says, of course (🍷). It’s perfectly understandable. He’s getting the results of his genetic screening, and she says, he must have so many questions. He says he does, but the only thing he’s going to ask her about is Curtis.

At the hospital, Alexis says hi to Curtis, but he doesn’t respond, so she calls to him again. He says he’s sorry; he didn’t hear her. She says, it must have been quite a meeting. She apologizes that her wedding present is going to be super late, but he tells her, save her money. Where he and Portia are headed, it’s probably going to get returned.

Nina comes out of the elevator, and sees Willow and Michael. She says she was looking for her Aunt Liesl, and Michael says, Nina just missed her. Nina starts to leave, but Willow says, wait, and asks Michael to give them a moment alone.

Sonny asks why Ava is willing to give her ex-husband a pass. If Nikolas has something over on her, he can help her. Austin approaches and says he’s sorry to interrupt, but he’d like to speak to Ava. Sonny says, they’re in the middle of something, but Ava says, it’s okay; she has things to discuss with Austin. Sonny asks, what about the situation with Nikolas? but she says, there is no situation. Nikolas was just trying to hurt her, and is absolutely no threat to their daughter. Forget she said anything, and chalk it up to a few martinis and a thousand bad decisions. She leaves with Austin, and Olivia asks what that was about, but Sonny says, Ava wouldn’t tell him.

Molly meets TJ at Charlie’s, and he asks if she took it. She says she did. He says, so… are they having a baby?

Drew kisses Carly in what used to be Sonny’s kitchen. She’s removed the moss bowl 🎍 so there are no witnesses, but its absence is keenly felt. She says, they have to wait until her brownies are done, and he says he can’t believe she’s baking. She says, these are for Willow. She hasn’t had much of an appetite lately, but she loves Carly’s brownies. It also looks like Liesl Obrecht is going to be a match for a donor, and they need to celebrate. What’s a celebration without brownies? He says he has something he wants to celebrate – them; openly, as a couple.

Molly tells TJ, no, they’re not having a baby; the test was negative. He says, it’s funny. He was just cruising along, not even thinking about having a baby; at least not yet. Then, all of a sudden, there could be a baby and it’s back to no baby in a couple of minutes. She asks how he feels about all of this, and he says, it’s not like they were planning on starting a family; not until he’s finished his residency. They would need a bigger place. They definitely haven’t saved for a baby, so… She says, so he’s relieved she’s not pregnant, right?

Curtis says, it’s a long story he doesn’t care to repeat, and Alexis says, no worries. He tells her, let’s just say he’ll be attending more meetings than usual, and she says, that’s what they’re there for. It must have been quite a blow. He says he’ll be fine, and she says she’s not one to preach, but for what it’s worth (🍷), that’s where prayer comes in handy sometimes. He says, it does. He doesn’t want to be the reason she misses her meeting, and she asks him to come with her. He hesitates, but she says, don’t be difficult, and he follows her.

Marshall says he’s deeply troubled about the rift between Portia and Curtis. Not only has he witnessed how devoted they were to each other, but he and Curtis wouldn’t have the relationship they do if not for her. She says she couldn’t even tell him why she didn’t tell Curtis that he could be Trina’s father, but he says, she doesn’t have to justify her actions to him.

Austin says, it looked like Ava was just about to tell Sonny that Nikolas is dead and the body is missing. Why would she do something like that? She says she needs help, and Sonny is Avery’s father. He’d do anything to protect Avery, and protecting Avery means protecting her; and if she’s protected, Austin is protected.

Olivia says, if Sonny want to stick his nose all up in Ava’s business, go right ahead, and he says, she’s Avery’s mother. After what she’s been through with Ryan Chamberlain, she has every right to be spooked. She says, Ava and Austin seem cozy at the moment. Why doesn’t Sonny let Austin be her emotional support animal? Sonny’s got enough going on in his life right now.

Michael parks Willow’s wheelchair near a bench, and asks if she’s sure about this. She says, if it becomes too much, she’ll send up a flare. He sees he has a text from Dex that says, GH roof, and tells her that he won’t be far. He leaves, and Willow tells Nina, they just had a meeting with Dr. Randolph and Aunt Liesl. They’re running more tests to make sure it’s safe for her to donate, but Dr. Randolph is hopeful. She wanted to talk to Nina about where things stand. Nina asks how Willow is. How are the kids? Is there anything she can do… Willow says she wanted to talk to Nina about her condition; the kids are off-limits. She’s not going to tell Nina anything about them, and Nina won’t ask. Are they clear? Bitch.

Waiting on the roof, Dex gets a text from Michael that says, On my way.

Portia tells Marshall that she doesn’t know if her actions can even be justified; not anymore anyway. He says, and at the time? and she says, Curtis was out of her life for good, with no expectations of him coming back. She was with Taggert, and he’d just come back from his assignment, and she found out she was pregnant. They were overjoyed, and Trina and Taggert have this bond that’s so sacred. She would do anything to protect it. He says, even at the expense of the bond she shares with his son, and she says, it made perfect sense at the time. She thought Marshall, of all people, would be able to understand this. He says, but he walked away from his family because he thought it was the right thing to do. Everyone wants to protect their loved ones from harm. It’s a natural instinct, and it shouldn’t be ignored, but maybe looking back on it all, that instinct shouldn’t be trusted.

TJ says he wouldn’t say that, but Molly says, he can tell her. He says he thinks they need to have a talk. Sit down and really… She says, he can tell her anything… except right now. Alexis walks in with Curtis, and they all say hi. Alexis says, happy anniversary, and Molly asks them to join her and TJ. Alexis says, they don’t want to interrupt, but TJ tells them to stay; he hasn’t seen Curtis since the wedding. Curtis says he’s going to order from the bar, and asks if he can talk to TJ for a second.

Dex takes the SIM card out of his phone, throws it down, and steps on it. Michael comes out on the roof and says he doesn’t have a lot of time. He wants to get Willow home. Dex says he wants to give Michael a heads up. He thinks Sonny is on to him.

Ava tells Austin that Nikolas is her responsibility. Don’t give anyone a reason to suspect him. Let her protect herself. He says, telling a guy like Sonny Corinthos isn’t going to help them. In fact, it could get them both killed. Mason watches from outside the doorway, and smiles.

Sonny says he has a lot on his plate, which is why he needs Olivia’s help, and she asks, in what way? He says, Nina… and she says, the answer’s no. He asks if she can’t hear him out. Nina’s climbing the walls about this whole Willow situation. Olivia lives at the Quartermaines. Can she just keep him posted on how Willow is?

Carly says, Drew wants to take their relationship public? What happened to the whole they might be accused of insider trading thing? He says, it’s a risk, and she says, call her crazy, but she’s not really excited about going to prison. And if she’s being honest, she finds this being in secret not so bad. He says, she’s enjoying the intrigue; having an elicit affair without actually betraying anyone. She says she finds it sexy and exciting, and he says he gets that, but enough time has passed since the stock purchase and the failed merger. It’s not as obvious to people that they were together when the stock was purchased. She says, he’s such a romantic, but he says he’s just being realistic. The longer they keep this a secret, it increases their chances of getting caught, which will make people question how long they’ve actually been together, which brings them back to insider trading. She says she thinks they’ve done a pretty good job of keeping this quiet. Only her kids and Sonny know they’re together. He says, and Olivia, and she says, none of them are going to say anything. No one is on to them.

Nina says she won’t ask about the kids, and Willow says, if she does, this conversation is over. What I said. Nina sits down, and asks Willow to go on, and Willow says, first, about the bone marrow transplant. While Nina’s aunt is a match, there are questions about her fitness as a bone marrow donor. Nina says, because of her age? and Willow says, bone marrow donors are ideally between the ages of 18 and 35 years of age, and Nina’s aunt is… Nina says, over 35, but she’s as strong as an ox. Willow says, it’s not so much her physical fitness as her medical history they have to consider, and they also have to determine if there are any underlying issues she may not know about. Nina says, Willow’s been talking about her Aunt Liesl. How are you?

Drew says, it’s kind of a miracle the secret has lasted as long as it has, and Carly says, Ned was the one who threatened to go to the FCC. Won’t them going public with their relationship cause him to react? Drew says, the only reason Ned threatened that was to keep him and Michael out of ELQ, and she says, what’s changed? He says, Ned was afraid they’d push him out, so he teamed up with Valentin. Valentin is now dead, and his shares were inherited by his daughter, but Laura is the one handling her affairs, so now is the perfect opportunity to get back Valentin’s shares. She says, but if they isolate Ned, won’t he pull the trigger with the FCC? and Drew says, not if he bows out.

Alexis says she feels like she interrupted something big, and Molly says, it was almost something big. Alexis asks if everything is okay, and Molly says, everything’s fine. It’s just that she and TJ thought she might be pregnant. I’m glad she did say we, because face it, only one of you carries and delivers the baby. Molly says, she’s not, and Alexis says, it’s something to talk about. Molly says, they weren’t planning on having kids yet, with both of them being so busy. If they add a baby to the mix… Alexis says, it’s exhausting, and Molly works. So when she’s at work, she’ll be thinking about the baby, and when she’s with the baby, she’ll be thinking about what she has to do at work. And with TJ’s schedule, she’ll be doing the night shift. Good luck with that. And the truth is, you’ve got to keep your eye on them 24 hours a day. As small as they are, you can’t imagine how they have such a long reach, and they’ll put anything in their mouth. Molly was a cross between an octopus and a Dustbuster. It makes you wonder how you’ll get through a whole day, let alone 18 years. She sees Molly’s face – which is a mix of horrified, panicked, and exhausted already – and says, on the other hand, it’s the best thing that could ever happen to you.

TJ says he knows something went down after he and Molly left the reception. He’s not asking Curtis for details. He just wants to know if there’s anything he can do. Curtis says he appreciates the offer. Right now, he just wants to focus on anything else. Like TJ. How are he and Molly? TJ says, actually, it’s crazy. He and Molly are talking about having a baby. Any thoughts on fatherhood?

Portia says, the reason she’s been burying herself in her work and avoiding Marshall is, she didn’t want to have this conversation. Now she’s thankful they had it. She thought she’d ruined everything. Not just between her and Curtis, but between her and Marshall as well. And now he’s saying he doesn’t hate her for what she’s done. It gives her hope. He says he could never hate her, not after everything she’s done for him. He wouldn’t have questioned his schizophrenia diagnosis if it wasn’t for her. That’s why he wanted to see her before he got his test results from the geneticist; to say thank you.

Nina can’t imagine how Willow must be feeling, and Willow says she doesn’t have a lot of energy, or an appetite. She has difficulty concentrating. Also – this is going to sound really shallow – her nails are really brittle. She always prefers it when they look nice. Nina asks to see, and Willow shows Nina her hand. Nina says, not long ago, Crimson did a feature on nail art, and a nail artist gave her a nail strengthening recommendation. She digs in her bag, and pulls out a bottle, saying, she’s been using it all the time. She hands it to Willow, who thanks her.

Michael says, if Sonny was on to Dex, he’d be dead, but Dex says, something’s changed. When Sonny agreed to the Pikeman deal, he said he wanted Dex involved, and last night he got an update and shut Dex out. He went into his office with one of his guys and shut the door. Michael says, that doesn’t mean he’s pushing Dex out, but Dex says, if Sonny trusted him, he would have been there. And this shipment is still Michael’s best chance of busting Sonny.

Olivia says she hates to break it to Sonny, but there’s absolutely nothing he can do for Michael and Willow right now. He says he knows that, but this distance is killing him, and she says, then go do something about it.

Mason peeks in from behind a door, and Ava tells Austin, if she lets Sonny know what she did and why, he’ll take care of things and make sure Avery doesn’t lose her mother. Austin says he thinks she’s making a huge mistake, and she asks what he wants her to do. Sit around and wait; do nothing. Mason pops out, and says, Austin’s ladyfriend has a point. If she’s begging Sonny Corinthos for help, they both must be in big trouble.

Drew says, if he leaves ELQ, Ned has no reason to turn them in. So if no one else finds out when their relationship actually started, they should be in the clear. She says, what about Michael? He has some serious differences with Ned about ELQ. Drew says, Michael has something more important on his mind than business. The people they care about, the people they love, that’s way more important. That’s become crystal clear to him. She says, that’s sweet, but she can’t let him do this.

Alexis says, Molly and TJ would make wonderful parents. They’re healthy, they’re smart, they’re successful, they have a great support system. Molly asks, what about work? and Alexis says she raised two babies while working as a lawyer and as a single mom. She thinks Molly can manage. Molly says, TJ works insane hours, and Alexis tells her, she didn’t say it was going to be easy. They’ll make it work. She thinks Molly would love being a mom. She did… she does. Are she and TJ on the same page about having a kid? Molly looks over at TJ.

Curtis says, sorry. TJ could ask him about literally anything else. TJ says he’s sorry; he didn’t realize. They thought Molly might be pregnant, but she’s not. He’s never had the feeling before, but having a baby with Molly would be amazing. Curtis says, that’s great news, but TJ says he’s not so sure. Molly’s freaked out. She has a five-year plan, and this isn’t in it. The last thing he wants to do is push her to have a baby if she doesn’t want to, and if she thinks he does, she won’t want to disappoint him. Maybe he should keep his feelings to himself.

Portia asks how Marshall is feeling about all of this, and he says, not only does he not know what to expect, he doesn’t know what to hope for. That he has schizophrenia, and he can congratulate himself for managing it so well for so long, or… Portia says, absolutely. Schizophrenia is a very difficult disease to manage, and he says, on the other hand, what if he’s healthy? Everything he gave up; his wife, his boys, a life with his family. All of his sacrifice; all for nothing. She says, he thought he was a threat to his family, and wanted to protect them. He’s wasted nothing. Now he just has to move forward. He says, but how does he move forward?

Willow tells Nina, aside from the state of her nails and her need to take a lot of naps, she’s better than okay. Michael is taking excellent care of her. Nina says she sees how much Michael loves Willow, and she’s glad they have each other. She’s thankful that Willow chose to tell her all of this, but Willow says, to be honest, she didn’t want to. Nina’s Aunt Liesl asked her to.

Michael asks how Sonny’s attitude been toward Dex overall, and Dex tells him that he would have said good. Michael asks, why? and Dex says he was waiting for Sonny at Pizzulo’s, and didn’t have anything to do. He started poking around the kitchen, and found this recipe for chicken piccata, so he decided to make it. When Sonny got there, he asked if Sonny wanted some, and he did, so they had dinner together. They talked; nothing about business. Sonny told him about who he’d gotten the recipe from; Gloria Cerullo. Michael says, forget about the Pikeman update. If Sonny is talking about his past, Dex has nothing to worry about.

Austin tells Mason, this is not a good time, but Ava says, Mason never shows up without a good reason. She doesn’t know what Mason thinks he’s heard… Mason asks if Austin wants to enlighten the lady, and Austin says, Mason has some concerns, but Mason says he’s not concerned. He’s not even bothered. Like he was telling Austin, Windymere has some very impressive stables. He can see no expense was spared for the horses. Something about being around animals is calming to a person. Particularly when that animal is left behind to rot.

Olivia says, always a pleasure, and Sonny says he’s got one more thing, and yes, it’s about Nina. Olivia sighs loudly, and Sonny says, just be nice to her. This whole thing with Willow is tearing her apart. She’s running Crimson, and trying to prove herself at the MetroCourt. Olivia says, fine. She’ll be nicer to Nina, but her first loyalty is to Carly, and it always will be. He says he wouldn’t expect anything less, and she says, not for nothing, Carly seems pretty happy these days. Sonny says he’s noticed, and she says, noticed what exactly?

Portia says, Marshall’s not alone. She’s going to be there for him. And she knows Curtis wants to be there for him. Curtis is going to Marshall’s appointment with him, isn’t he? Marshall says he thought he’d wait until he got the results. He doesn’t want to bother anyone; not now. She says, she and Curtis aren’t in the best of positions right now, but she knows he’d want to be there for his dad. He says he never thought he’d hear those words, but he’s hearing them in no small part now because of her. She says, Marshall and Curtis definitely started building that bridge themselves. She has to see some patients, but why doesn’t he stay there, make a phone call, and have some privacy? She leaves, and he takes out his phone, putting it on the arm of the chair and looking at it.

Molly tells Alexis that she and TJ have talked about having kids somewhere down the line, but sooner than that, she doesn’t know what he thinks. Alexis says, maybe that’s a conversation they should have, and Molly says, they’re trying to. Alexis says, that’s her cue to leave. She knows how Molly likes to plan things, but from one planner to another, plan to have her mind changed. Molly says, that’s good advice, and Alexis says, when you think you’re the smartest person in the room, you tend not to listen to your partner… or in her case, a friend.

Curtis’s phone rings, and he says, it’s TJ’s granddad. He says, hey pop, what’s up? and Marshall says he knows Curtis is busy, but he’d appreciate it if Curtis was here.

Michael says, he told Dex before that Sonny wants to be a mentor, a father figure. Making that dinner gave him that opportunity. Dex says, that’s not why he did it. He genuinely wanted to try the recipe. Michael says, it was spur of the moment; that’s why it worked. Sonny hasn’t lasted this long by being stupid or naïve. If Dex had forced it, Sonny would have noticed. So just keep doing what he’s doing. He’s closer than he thinks. Dex says, what about Pikeman? and Michael says, don’t push it. That will only make him suspicious. Let Sonny choose to trust him. He has to get back downstairs to Willow. Dex says he hopes she feels better, and Michael says, they’re working on it, and leaves.

Willow says, Aunt Liesl wanted her to give Nina a chance, and Nina says, Aunt Liesl didn’t… and Willow says, threaten to withhold her bone marrow if she didn’t make an effort with Nina? No. Nina breathes a sigh of relief, and Willow says, Liesl just explained how much her heath matters to Nina, and she wanted to respect that. Nina says, it does matter. More than she can say. Michael comes back, and asks if Willow is ready to go home. Willow says, sounds like heaven, and Nina says she has to get back to the hotel. It’s convention season. Michael says, they won’t keep her, like they just did lunch, and Nina presses the elevator button. After an awkward five seconds, Nina thanks Willow, and leaves, presumably choosing to take the stairs.

Mason asks if they’re having fun yet. He’s having fun. He thinks the three of them should socialize more together. How are they going to stay in contact?… He snaps his fingers, and says, they’ll exchange numbers. He asks to see Ava’s phone, and she suggests he just tell her the number and she’ll add him to her contacts, but he says, no. He wouldn’t want her to get the number wrong. He holds out his hand, but she says, Austin can give him her number, and he can text her. He says he’d rather take care of it here and now, and she says, fine, handing him her phone.

Sonny says, he and Olivia both know Carly and Drew have been spending time together. It’s too bad they have to be so discreet. She asks how he’d know about that.

Carly says, it’s too much. She can’t let Drew give up on ELQ because of her. He says his first priority is to protect them from the SEC, but giving Ned control of ELQ is a good strategy. She says, he has to work on that romance thing, and he says, she wants romance? He’ll do anything to prove his devotion. He’ll even do the dishes. He’ll clear the dishes right here. She says, he doesn’t have to, and he swipes all the dishes off the kitchen island. Luckily, they’re all plastic, and the moss bowl 🎍 wasn’t there. He kisses her, picks her up, and puts her on the counter.

Mason says he’s in Ava’s contacts, and he texted himself, so she has his number and he has hers. That way, when he calls, she’ll answer. He tells them to have a good evening, and leaves.

Marshall thanks Portia for letting him use her office, and for everything else. She says, their conversation was helpful to her, and she appreciates him letting her talk things out. She hopes his test results are everything he wants them to be. He tips his hat to her, and walks off, but she calls to him. She asks if he thinks there’s any hope for her and Curtis, and Curtis walks out of the elevator.

On the phone, Alexis leaves a message for Gregory, saying, she doesn’t like how they left things. Can they talk?

TJ tells Molly, having a baby is a big decision – the biggest – so he thinks they should sit down and talk about how they feel. Go over their finances… She says she wants to have a baby, and he says, him too.

In the elevator, Michael asks how it went with Nina, and Willow says, surprisingly well. She told Nina that the kids were off-limits, and she agreed. The questions she did ask were appropriate, and Willow got the sense Nina really heard her answers. He says he’s glad it went well, and she says, it did, but she’s not forgetting who Nina is, or what she’s done to their family.

Magically having teleported to Carly’s bed, Drew and Carly kiss. He says, soon, he’ll be able to spend any night she wants, and she tells him to be careful; she might take him up on that. He says, in the meantime, there is something she could do for him, and she says, anything. He says he’d really love a brownie… with a glass of milk. Oh yeah? Did anybody clean up that mess in the kitchen?

Sonny tells Olivia that he knows why Carly and Drew have to stay quiet. If certain people find out how long they’ve been together or what they’ve discussed, they’ll have to deal with the consequences. She says, only because her husband threatened to sic the SEC on them. Nina walks in, and Olivia says, how’s that for romantic? She pats Sonny on the shoulder and leaves, and Nina stares at the back of Sonny’s head.

Tomorrow, Portia asks if Trina has something to say to her; Victor thinks he feels better already; Elizabeth asks if someone thinks they can ever forgive her; and Esme says she’s done listening to someone’s lies.

Real Housewives of New Jersey

Danielle practiced with Valentina for her birthday party entrance. In her interview, she said, it was going to be a full-on production. When she throws a party, she throws a party. It’s what her babies will remember. Nate said, she wanted their kids to have her personality. Was she happy now? She’d invited Jennifer and Rachel, but they’d gotten into it at Teresa’s housewarming, and she hoped they didn’t get into it at Valentina’s party or she’d go off.

Rachel’s family came over, and in her interview, she talked about being a guidette back in the day. She said that her mother is a typical Jewish mother, and her type A personality and Italian attitude come from her father. Her grandmother doesn’t give a single sh*t, and uses the excuse that she’s old and can say whatever she wants. Rachel’s mom asked about Teresa’s housewarming, and Rachel told her about Jennifer calling her a f***ing idiot.

Melissa gave Antonia a driving lesson, and said, please don’t hit any humans. I guess squirrels, street signs, etc. are okay? When Melissa asked her to pull into a drive-through for coffee, Antonia made Melissa take the wheel. In Melissa’s interview, she said, she and Antonia had turned a corner. Antonia still gave her side-eye when she could, but it seemed more copacetic. Maybe because she wanted a car. Melissa told her, whatever went on between her father and Teresa had nothing to do with Antonia, and in Melissa’s interview, she said, she and Joe #2 had always vowed to never involve the kids. Antonia told her, the kids stay out of their stuff, and Melissa said, if you have no family you have nothing. Family is everything.

5 weeks to the wedding. Teresa, Gia, and Milania went to the city where Teresa tried on wedding dresses and veils. Apparently, these were fake wedding dresses by the same designer, since the real dress was being kept secret. In Teresa’s interview, she said, the theme of her first wedding was Shakespeare in Love, which I shocked the hell out of me, since I can’t imagine Teresa even knows who Shakespeare is. She said she’d been stressed putting everything together, but this time she was using a wedding planner, and it was so much easier. Well, duh. Designer Mark Zunino was there because Teresa wanted her veil to be special. She explained about wanting something about her parents incorporated into it, and got all teary, even though she just gave a slap in the face to her parents’ dear friends by not inviting them to the wedding. In her interview, she said, Milania took it the hardest when Joe #1 left – we flashed back to that – but now Milania was thriving. She asked the girls if Melissa had talked to them, but they said it was no more than hi and bye. In Gia’s interview, she said, they were at Melissa’s and Joe #2’s shore house all the time last year. Milania said, Joe #2 should be walking Teresa down the aisle, and Gia said Teresa was two seconds from asking him, and now it was questionable whether he was coming to the wedding. Milania said, if he didn’t, it was over.

Jennifer met Melissa for lunch, and in Jennifer’s interview, she said she and Melissa were finally good. She was excited to maybe start a friendship. We flashed back to Jennifer throwing things at Melissa. They talked babies, and Jennifer said, it was like Bill was her boss. She took care of the kids, and if something went wrong, it was her fault. She whined that Marge always had an issue with her, and Melissa admitted that Marge didn’t give Jennifer a pass like she did other people. Jennifer said, there was a pattern of Marge losing friends. She asked if Marge hadn’t encouraged Melissa to leave Joe #2, and in Melissa’s interview, she said, it was at a time when she and Joe were going through something, and we flashed back to them arguing. Melissa said, it was just a girlfriend trying flatter her, but Jennifer told her to be careful. Marge can be dangerous. Please.

Jen was having the women over for a comfortable brunch where she was serving southern comfort food. In her interview, she said she wasn’t domestic, but every party with these women seemed to be filled with venom. She hoped to get them to understand that parties were about eating, drinking, and laughing; not women looking for blood. She’d liked Jennifer before Jennifer called and trashed her friend, but since Jennifer hadn’t slept with her husband, Jen was willing to give her another chance. The women started to arrive, and Melissa said, Jennifer had told her to watch her back with Marge. Marge said, Jennifer always twisted the things she said, and in Marge’s interview, she said, Jennifer was pathetic, obsessed, and embarrassing. They ate outside, which was probably wise, just in case things got thrown. Marge said Danielle wasn’t like her Instagram, and Melissa said, Danielle’s Instagram was extra. She thought it was one reason Danielle and her brother didn’t talk. Jackie showed up, and I thought, she might as well be a Housewife this season, since she’s getting as much screen time. Danielle explained that she and her brother hadn’t talked in two years. She’d blocked him on social media after he made fun of her, and he kicked her out of his wedding, Marge said, that was hardcore, but in Rachel’s interview, she said, it seemed sketchy that something so miniscule ripped the family apart. Danielle said, it was painful, but at a certain point, you had to block your heart. Melissa asked what terms Dolores was on with Jennifer, and Dolores said she didn’t know; she just wanted peace. Marge said, nothing was ever put to bed with Jennifer. She was a f***ing a-hole.

Jennifer arrived, and a hush fell over the group. Jen thanked everyone for coming, and they all clinked glasses. The topic of Jennifer’s house came up, and she said she didn’t brag; she just explained. She stated facts. Everyone received those facts differently, depending on if they liked her or not. Marge asked why Jennifer was trying to change people’s opinions of her. She’d told Melissa to watch her back. Why was Jennifer trash talking her? Jennifer said, that was her experience and she could talk about what she wanted. Marge said she thought she and Jennifer had moved forward, but it seemed they couldn’t. Jennifer insisted she was just giving the history, since history and facts are her new buzzwords. They began raising their voices, and in Rachel’s interview, she said she wasn’t understanding how it gets to this point. Grown-ass women were screaming like children over something stupid, Marge told Jennifer that you don’t win friendships by turning one friend against another, and Jennifer said she had a family; Marge would never know what that was like. Marge said she had a good marriage, and Jennifer would never know what that was like. In Melissa’s interview, she said, as many times as she’d seen them fight – we flashed back to several of them – she’s shook at what they’re saying. Jen finally got up, and yelled for them to stop.

It didn’t matter. Jennifer kept going, and Jen said, it’s not Teresa’s house; she has neighbors. They still continued on, now calling each other stupid, and in Danielle’s interview, she said, both of them were throwing dirty laundry in each other’s faces. She wasn’t telling these bitches nothing. There was a lot of no, you stuff, and Marge called Jennifer a disheveled drug addict. In Jen’s interview, she said she’d rather see them punch each other in the face. You know a party’s not fun if even she hasn’t eaten the fried chicken. Jen went inside, and Marge tried to leave, but Jen blocked her, saying, she wasn’t going anywhere. She told Marge to sit her ass down, and asked Jennifer to leave. They weren’t doing this. Teresa said, if Jennifer was going, she was going to leave too, which was no great loss. In front of the house, Jennifer told Teresa that Marge was jealous, and in her interview, she said it bothered Marge that she was living the f***ing dream. She doesn’t run at the first glimpse of unhappiness. Oh yeah, she definitely seems like she’s living the f***ing dream, gathering history and facts, and screaming the sh*t out of people with them. Marge said that Jennifer was a sick f***ing a-hole, and Jen said it was nice having everyone over, but they could leave now.  

Valentina’s birthday was over-the-top as promised. On the scale of a wedding reception, the theme seemed to be Barbiecore, with everything pink, as well as a real live Barbie, although a lot of the kids seemed too little to know what was going on. In Danielle’s interview, she said, there was nothing better than to be able to do for her kids. She thought she nailed it. Rachel told Danielle that the argument at Jen’s lunch was hard to watch, and Danielle said she liked Jennifer and Marge individually. She asked where she stood, and Rachel said she was annoyed when Jennifer screamed in her face that she was a f***ing idiot. They got off to a sh*tty start. Jennifer asked Rachel if she wanted to talk, and Rachel said she didn’t appreciate being called a f***ing idiot. Jennifer spent so much time talking about owning it, I don’t even know if she actually apologized. She told Rachel that when she talked about history, it didn’t mean she was still mad. The facts might be negative, but she wasn’t. In Rachel’s interview, she said, in Jennifer’s mind, Jennifer makes sense, but in Rachel’s mind, nothing makes sense. Jennifer said she was doing what she needed to in order to move forward. Valentina made her entrance, escorted by her brother, and did a cartwheel. Jennifer wailed to Louie that Marge was always coming for her and spitting out venom. Marijuana is not drugs. Um… She complained to Rachel about Marge telling Melissa to leave Joe, and Teresa said, she’d rather keep Marge as a friend than as an enemy. In Teresa’s interview, she said, they’d made up, but their history was no secret. Rachel said she had a mind of her own, and Teresa suggested she do her homework and pay attention.  

This is one of the reasons I think this franchise is over. They’re still rehashing fights from seasons ago. They need some new material. Or maybe, how about less screaming at each other and more fun stuff?

Next time, Teresa tells her therapist that Joe #2’s temper is out of control; Teresa’s therapist says, moving on is Teresa’s only option; Rachel tells Melissa what Jennifer said about Marge; the charity softball game happens; and Frank misses his and Dolores’s friendship.

👩‍👩‍👧‍👧 Celebrating Women Of All Nations…

Take a break with me tomorrow for soap and what’s up with the servers, ex-servers, and servers-to-be at SUR. After which, LVP will be on Watch What Happens Live. Until then, stay safe, stay remembering to spring ahead this weekend, and stay not always trusting the instinct to protect your loved ones from harm.