Tag Archives: Below Deck

Oct21

October 20, 2015 — GH, a Cranky Chef & Quote

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

It’s almost Halloween! And as we know, celebrations go on much longer in Port Charles than IRL. Lulu scares the crap out of Maxie, popping out in a mask on The Haunted Star. Maxie reminds her that she just found a body in the water, right off the front porch, and Lulu concurs that maybe her timing was bad.

That’s right, I forgot Brad is a lab technician. Alexis confers with him about the DNA test and he says he can’t believe she swiped a baby’s binkie. I guess he’s forgotten some of the depths he’s sunk to, but I’m glad to see him.

Some fat dude, who looks like The Sopranos’ Big Pussy if he cleaned up well, brings Sonny a cannoli. Sonny asks if anyone knows who put the hit out on Carrrlos. Fat Dude says it was no one from Sonny’s organization, and that they wouldn’t have acted on something Ava said without his say-so. Sonny isn’t convinced Carrrlos shot him. He wants Fat Dude to find out who killed Carrrlos. The revolving door happens, and Fat Dude leaves, while Patrick and Carly enter. Sonny wants to go home…today.

Lucas talks to Julian about his upcoming nuptials with Brad. For whatever reason, Julian suggests that Brad might be playing him for a fool. I thought Brad’s wandering ways were over. What did I miss?

Olivia is still weeping over Ned, and I would be too, since he’s one fine-looking man. She gives Dante the lowdown. He says she did the right thing and says sometimes no matter how hard you try the truth comes out in the end. She wonders if he’s still talking about her or something else. Olivia tells him that Julian seemed to buy the adoption story, but Alexis, not so much

Brad asks Alexis for legal help. She thinks he’s talking about his divorce from Rosalie (oops! forgot about that), but he says there’s more to it than that and he could go to prison for a long time, and so could Rosalie. I can’t wait to find out what on earth they did. I also can’t imagine why they’d have to stay married because of it. Unless his parents know the truth and are holding it over their heads.

Anna visits Doc (Kevin) for help with her delusions. It’s like old home week! Can I put in an order for some Faison? Doc thinks that Anna is talking about seeing Duke, and she says she’d actually be grateful for that. Oh wow. She tells Doc she’s been seeing Carrrlos. Is she going to tell him everything? Would that fall under doctor/patient confidentiality?

Commercial break. I have to admit, I’ve only seen Grey’s Anatomy once. It was the one where Seth Green died and it was really depressing. That’s not what’s stopping me from watching it though. It looks like a terrific show, but I just can’t watch everything.

Dillon interrupts The Haunted Star decorating and complains that he still needs to film there. At least I know where he’s filming now. But not for long. Maxie says his unrequited love problems are causing delays and they should shoot somewhere else. Lulu doesn’t want them filming there either. Dillon apologizes to Lulu for being a jerk and begs to finish filming there.

Anna asks Doc about the doctor/patient thing, and he says unless a patient says they’re going to hurt someone, it’s all good. She says what about a crime that’s already been committed, and he says that’s a grey area.

Brad and Alexis are interrupted by Lucas (who I consistently want to call “Nathan”) and Julian. Alexis says it’s clear that Julian is hiding something, and he says he’ll tell her when they get home. Since there’s only 20 minutes left of the show, I assume this means tomorrow, or next week. Surprisingly, it’s after the next commercial. Julian has had a new house designed and built for them. Contractors work fast there! Mushy stuff with candles, rose petals and a bathtub. Congratulations to Julian for keeping his shirt on for a whole two days…almost.

Commercial break. I can’t take one more of these Xarelto commercials with Kevin Nealon and Arnold Palmer and the racing guy. I can’t.

Lulu says that Dillon makes her uncomfortable now and she wants him to film somewhere else. Although why she has to be there when they’re filming escapes me. Dillon says he’s already gotten half a million from his father (what did he spend it on?) and can’t ask for any more. Maxie suggests hitting up other family members because if he can’t do that “what’s the point of being related to those back-biting lunatics?” meaning the Quartermaines.

Anna comes thisclose to telling Doc everything, but doesn’t quite. She makes it sound like she’s seeing things because she was with Duke at the end.

Patrick says no way is Sonny going anywhere. Despite his just-back-from-the-Bahamas look, apparently he’s got a long way to go. Patrick leaves. Fat Dude and Junior pop in. Junior is now my name for the young guy in the thankless role, who has no lines and has been guarding Sonny’s room.

Brad tells Lucas that he’s taken steps to extract himself from his marriage, and then he’ll be free to marry Lucas. Lovey dovey stuff and they kiss as the elevator door closes.

While Julian sloshes through the rose petals to get a beer or something, Alexis looks at the paper from the lab. Hard to tell what the news is from the faces she’s making, but we already know that baby Mateo is baby Leo.

Maxie suggests Dillon get half the door at the Haunted Star Halloween party as an investment. Maxie says after that, she’ll never have to hear from Dillon again. Lulu agrees.

Doc gives Anna a prescription for low dose anti-anxiety meds, and says maybe next time she can tell him what she couldn’t today.

Carly busts in on Patrick, and demands to know when Sonny is going to walk. Patrick says Sonny could be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. I’ll bet he’s walking by Christmas.

Below Deck

When last we left our yachtees, Dane had just gotten the boot from Captain Lee.

The primary guest is celebrating his 50th birthday. He’s coming with his girlfriend, sons and some other friends. The girls flip out over the pic of one of his friends who looks exactly like Ryan Gosling. Seriously, they could pass for twins. They do say we all have one somewhere, right? They want a white party and the captain tells Chef Leon to use his imagination. He doesn’t know how much he’s asking. They’ve also requested shark diving, so it should be an interesting trip.

Rocky is actually doing her job. And she says she’s enjoying it. Apparently, the “hooking up” she and Eddie did last week paid off. I love the dress uniforms that they welcome and say good-by to the guests in. The women look like old-fashioned airplane stewardesses. Like the Barbie outfit I used to have. Minus the hat.

The primary’s girlfriend looks a bit like Jessica Alba. I wonder if they’re celebrity impersonators. They’re having lunch on the deck and she’s wearing a sunhat. This makes me remember a time, when eating outside at South Street Seaport, I wish I’d had one.

Leon is such a d-bag. Kate is trying to explain to him that the primary has never had a proper birthday cake, because she thinks it should be special, and Leon acts like the biggest snot rag ever. Oh Lord, he won’t even let her use a box from the galley. I’d rather work with ten Rockys than half of this guy.

Oh no! The shark dive has to be cancelled. The visibility stinks, and 10 foot visibility + 10 foot sharks = unsafe. Captain Lee says he hates giving guests bad news, and I can understand that. He probably hopes it doesn’t affect the tip too, even though it’s out of his control. The guests are cool about it though, and they’re going to do a lobster dive. I actually think I’m more disappointed than they are.

Commercial break. I love Captain Lee, but he looks mighty uncomfortable doing those Après Ski ads.

OMG – Leon is going on and on about this box. Finally, Kate finds some other cardboard, and she and Connie make…something.  Yikes! Emile thinks Leon is a great guy and he’s great at what he does. Are we seeing the same guy? Okay, I see. Connie is dressing up like a shark in lieu of the shark dive and the cardboard thing they made is a headpiece. Never mind the tip, these people are going to want their money back. Eddie says it’s like they’re in middle school and I agree. Eddie wants to break up with his girlfriend, but knows it’s bad form to do it on the phone.

Leon is taking a nap and Rocky is looking for stuff to make chicken quesadillas. Hopefully, she’ll cook the chicken all the way through this time. Uh-oh. She’s making it for the guests and the captain notices. He says Leon has misplaced the concept that they’re not on his schedule, but the guests’ schedule. And seriously, after last week’s raw chicken fiasco at the crew dinner she cooked, Rocky should not be allowed to cook for the guests.

Emile is bartending and talking about his personal life to the guests. Isn’t that backward? They say he’s the Rico Suavé of the yacht. I detect sarcasm here.

Leon is doing that smear on the plate thing. I always think it just makes the plate look messy the second you start to eat. He tells Kate the name of the dish in French, and she says she knew the kitchen was bi-polar, but not bi-lingual. I think it’s funny and deserved, but Rocky says Kate’s “being evil.” Please. Leon is a total dickweed. (Spellcheck tried to make that “duckweed,” but ha-ha, I trumped it.) Captain Lee is hanging around in the galley because he’s sick of Leon’s attitude. This is the third or fourth time he’s served “beef cheeks,” this season too. This is the guy who the captain wanted to use his imagination.

Rocky is on night shift, and thinks this means just having fun with the guests. Amy tells her that once in a while she needs to extract herself and actually do some work. I guess that spurt of ambition is over. As they do dishes, Rocky says she’s thinking about her life and where she’s at. Mentally, I guess that would be nowhere. Amy SKYPES with her brother, who was a deckhand last season.

Eddie and Rocky “hook up” again in the laundry room. I think Eddie is going to be sorry. Rocky says she feels like he cares about her, but I’ll bet he doesn’t care about her more than his job.

Kate says she’s never had such a miserable experience with a chef than she has with Leon. I’ve never even worked with a chef, and I can still say with total conviction, me too. Captain Lee is very close to being totally pissed off. For whatever reason, Emile says that the Kate/Leon discord is because of him and Rocky. Connie says he’s an idiot. Yep. Amy once again tries to get through to Rocky about her job attitude. Rocky says she’s not four and stop talking to her like a 4-year-old. Stop acting like one then. She can’t seem to grasp that work is not the place where you do whatever you want and that you actually have to work. Of course she loves Leon too. It’s no surprise since neither one of them has any work ethic. Or probably any other ethic.

Leon is going to make rabbit, and one of the guests tells a sad story about how they ate her pet rabbit as a kid. Leon is still going to make rabbit. Kate suggests they have venison next while watching Bambi. The guest who told the rabbit story gets upset when it’s served. I think it’s creepy and it doesn’t help when one of the other guests starts singing “Here Comes Peter Cottontail.” What a cretin.

It’s midnight and they’re having a birthday countdown with a toast a la New Year’s Eve. The birthday boy wants to watch Kung Fu movies. Sounds like a reasonable request. The popcorn stays too long in the microwave and everything is smoke city. Even I know you have to keep an eye on microwave popcorn. Or an ear (no pun intended). Fire in the galley! The pizza has started a fire in the regular oven and smoke alarms are going off.

Next week’s part two looks great, a real sh*tshow. Leon acting all smug, telling Captain Lee that everything is Kate’s fault; Rocky having some kind of emotional breakdown in front of Eddie, stripping, and jumping into the water; and Chef Ben coming back! Does this mean Leon is walking the plank?

The People’s Couch

Since this is a show where I’m watching other people make comments about what they’re watching, for me to comment on it seems redundant. So instead it’s the source of this week’s quote.

“She’s too perky to go to the hospital. Perky people don’t go to the hospital.” One of the “glammas” in reference to a scene in Fargo.

Oct14

October 13, 2015 — GH, Temptation Tuesday, a Couch & a Charter

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Sonny says blah-blah-blah and lectures Michael and Morgan about how they’re disrespectful, and that Michael tried to take over the second Sonny was out of commission. While I agree they’re morons, I didn’t really see it that way.

Sabrrrina is pregnant and not too thrilled. I wouldn’t be either if it was Michael’s baby. And did she learn nothing from the last time? She’s nurse for goodness’ sake.

Franco and Nina go to spring Kiki out of jail. Since Nathan is Nina’s brother, she’s hoping to call in a favor, although I think it’s more for Franco than Kiki. Franco reminds Nina how he didn’t leave her on her own, even when she married Ric. Kiki comes out and says she doesn’t need their help. Right there I’d just say, okay, and leave her rot, since she turned obnoxious overnight.  Nathan says the charges have been bumped up to assault because the bottle cut the bartender, and Kiki isn’t going anywhere.

Ugh! Carly has those look-like-grey-hair highlights. Why does anyone think this looks good? Her lowlights look great, and really, that’s enough.

Michael acts like he knows all about the mob, and tells Sonny he was just trying to fill in, but Sonny says he’d better stay away from now on.

Olivia takes baby Leo to visit Dante, who helped her with the cover-up. Dante says he hopes the baby ends up looking like her and not Julian, because you know, Julian might become suspicious if he looks like Julian Jr. Julian and Alexis are out to lunch (ha-ha) and Julian says he would love to have another child. Alexis suggests they could adopt. Please, no. Later, Alexis tries to tell Olivia that Julian isn’t in the mob anymore, but Olivia isn’t believing it.

While Franco waits with Kiki for the lawyer, Nina tells Nathan about buying the apartment, and how she’s trying to be a normal person. This includes being nice, so she wants to help Kiki.

Kiki calls Franco a sad sack artist living off of his girlfriend, and he says he’s not sad. Only Roger Howarth can pull off these lines. He probably makes them up himself.

Morgan asks how Sonny is going to run “the business,” fight for Avery, and get better all at the same time. He’ll probably squeeze in another Bahamas vacation somewhere. Nobody looks that good – and tan – in the hospital. And after two major surgeries. I think he can probably handle all that. He asks what else, and they fill him in on what Ava said at the mob table.

I missed some stuff because I had to take a phone call.

Kiki is back at the apartment and goes to sleep off her hangover. Mushy stuff between Nina and Franco. She isn’t ready for things to progress yet, so they go to get something to eat, which is almost as good. I’m sure they’ll go to The Floating Rib, since it’s the only restaurant, other than the diner, that’s in Port Charles.

Felix tells Sabrrrina that she’d better tell Michael about the baby soon, because the longer she waits, the more it will look like she has something to hide. Before the phone rang, Felix was asking her if she’s sure the baby is Michael’s. What did she say???

Lucas, the gay doctor whose name I finally remembered, has been in and out (no pun intended) of various scenes, but whatever happened to his storyline? He used to be on a lot, and I loved the stuff with him, Brad and Felix, but then poof! they disappeared, and not even in a cloud of rainbow smoke.

We end with Carly taking Sonny to the chapel, where she thinks they’re going to interrupt someone else’s wedding, but really it’s going to be hers. Awww! Now what the blip is up with “Jake?”

If Loving You Is Wrong

Kelly visits Alex in the hospital. Alex brings up Travis, and Kelly says she doesn’t want to talk about it, then blabs for an hour about it. She’s working on a plan to reel him in using the theory that men want what they can’t have. Alex asks if she has any advice to get Randal to go away. Wow. Alex is thinking of moving out of town. That’s one way to get rid of him. She asks Kelly to talk to Randal, but Kelly says he wouldn’t listen.

Randal’s mother, Louise, is still inflicting her presence on his household. She accuses Marcie of being a drunk, and Marcie says that it’s because Randal made her that way. Louise says she told him he should have married someone named Ally, who had blonde hair and blue eyes. Not too much like Alex, and then she says Marcie must be on crystal meth. I she’s not aware of what someone using drugs looks like. Louise also says she’s counting the days until Randal leaves Marcie, and Marcie says she is too, along with counting the days until his mom drops dead. Apparently, Louise knows nothing about the affair, and Randal is trying to keep Marcie quiet. I’m surprised Marcie doesn’t just tell her anyway. Why is she protecting Randal when she so obviously hates him? Randal says he’ll take the couch since they’re sleeping in separate bedrooms. Marcie toddles off and Louise suggests Randal hide the knives.

Eddie gets the lowdown on Ben, who claims to have shot his own hand off, but had originally lied, saying that it happened while he was chasing a perp. The captain doesn’t want Eddie coming back to work, because he hasn’t gotten a doctor’s okay yet, after being shot in the big gang shootout. Eddie hassles Lushion under the guise of being “nice.” Lushion isn’t having any and tells him to go home. Lushion wants to investigate further into Ben’s shot up hand, but the boss tells him no. They’re covering up something. Lushion’s new partner, Pete, wants to try to get the tape of the shooting anyway, and Lushion tells him no, to stay out of it and stay away from Eddie.

Randal has a death wish, so he pops in on Brad in the shed. Brad asks why he didn’t at least have the decency to take Alex to a hotel. Randal is at least smart enough not to answer that question. He says he’s sorry, but I don’t think that’s going to make it better. Brad says Alex told him everything, and wants it confirmed by Randal. This guy wants details that nobody should hear. Brad says that with his military training, he could kill Randal just like that. He swore that after he came home from Iraq, he would never hurt anyone again, but he’s having second thoughts right now. He says he wants to drag both Randal and Alex into the shed and unleash all his fury. At least he’s honest. Randal looks just a wee bit concerned.

Eddie gives a surprise wake-up call to Ben in the hospital by whacking his injured non-hand. Ben says he changed his story because there was a video of the shooting and it sounded more believable. Eddie wants him to leave the hospital that evening and “pick up [his] drops.” I’m guessing Eddie has some drug dealing going on and Ben’s been helping him, and that’s how this all happened. And I know Eddie’s a d-bag, but does he really expect this guy to do a good job when he’s still lying in a hospital bed?

Randal, being the selfish idiot that he is, shows up in Alex’s hospital room. He tells her that he loves her and she rings for the nurse. He’s so freaking oblivious, that he just rambles on with a bunch of questions like “how you doin’?” He asks her not to shut him out and that he won’t make it without her. Good. Go away. The nurse shows up and shows him the door. Alex is concerned that if he got into her room, he’ll get in to see the baby, but the nurse assures her there’s no way. If this place is anything like General Hospital, he’s probably having tea in the ward right now. It’s already got security like GH.

Marcie sees Brad brooding outside the shed (a very popular place) and goes out to talk to him. They have a drink together, and Brad turns on the flattery. They had shared a kiss in his office after they found out about Randal and Alex, and he says he remembers it well. They commiserate a little. Brad tells her that Alex had said Randal was “bigger and better,” but she never said that, so he’s making stuff up. He had asked her if Randal was better in bed, but she’d only said, “Sometimes.” Marcie says she can’t afford to leave Randal, so she’ll just have to bite the bullet. Brad says he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. Marcie responds by getting into his lap, telling him it isn’t right, and making out with him. He carries her into the shed.

Oops! Momma Louise is looking out the window.

The People’s Couch

Funniest hour on TV! Not much to say about watching people watching TV, but to tell you to watch and enjoy. It’s like watching TV with your friends. If you’re friends were hysterically funny. It also gave the best quote of the night from Julie: Jeff Probst is really good at pretending he cares about the people on the show.

Below Deck

This is one of my favorites, I think because I would love to be a guest on this yacht. I love the water and I’m not even a water sign. Go figure.

The crew is off on their gratis resort trip, courtesy of the yacht owners. A whole 24 hours. Amy says she loves the perks, but I would want it to be just a little perkier.

Kate says the place looks like it’s from Swiss Family Robinson and she’s right. It’s quaint, and cute, and I want to be there right now.  Even for just 24 hours. Amy says she feels like she’s stuck in the middle sometimes, with Kate and Leon, and Kate and Rocky. Kate thought they were in a good place, so she’s kind of perplexed and hurt. I would be too, since both Leon and Rocky are lazy as hell, and Kate is Rocky’s boss.

They are drinking (I think) shots out of really weird little cups that look like they’re from Alice in Wonderland or maybe the 7 Dwarfs house. They make s’mores over the firepit. Dane is a drunken fool who won’t shut up about we don’t know what, because he’s incoherent.  Connie encourages Emile to hit on Rocky. I don’t know why since she’s made it very clear that she’s not interested. Dane continues to drink. Now he’s drinking out of a Mason jar.

Eddie tells him to slow his roll, but Dane gets belligerent. He starts the finger in the face stuff, and Eddie takes the bottle away. Oooh. Eddie calls Captain Lee. That’s really, really not good, especially since he’s going to have to wake the captain up. Dane is now stealing bottles from the bar, and I’m sure the captain can hear him yelling in the background. The captain wants him back on the boat. Now.

It’s 7 a.m. and Dane is on the phone, bitching to his girlfriend. Captain Lee calls him to the wheelhouse. Don’t embarrass yourself and don’t embarrass the boat are the captain’s two rules. Bad move breaking them both, Dane. He tells the captain he gets “weird vibes” from the crew. He promptly gets fired. He says he knew last night this would happen. When the crew hears of his departure, they applaud. What a disappointment that guy was.

Kate tries talking to Leon. Good luck having a civilized conversation with this guy. He was such a total a-hole last week and here he goes again. The point is not that they need to be best friends (or make friendship bracelets, as Kate says), she just wants some common courtesy. I don’t think Leon knows what that is. I understand chef’s can be moody, but he’s no Gordon Ramsey. And Gordon wouldn’t even behave this way.

Dan and Damon are the primary guests. They own some apparel company worth 200 million. They’re into “healthy foods,” and the captain doesn’t want any problems like with the last charter when Leon didn’t have the stuff he needed on board.  Of course Leon acts like a snot rag about it.

Whoa. It looks like Eddie and Rocky are texting and are going to meet in the laundry room. What?!

The girls go nuts over Dan, who I have to admit, is pretty good looking. The guests were really specific about protein shakes for breakfast and already Leon is going humana-humana. The guests go snorkeling and it looks awesome and I’m jealous. Eddie says even though they’re short-handed, it’s better without Dane.

The guests aren’t liking the scallops too much and I’m thrilled. They ask if they can get some chicken quesadillas . Eddie is in a fantastic mood. Did he and Rocky do it? OMG – Primary guest Dreamy Dan is asking for the chef. He says he thinks the scallops made him sick. At least Leon put a jacket on this time. Leon counters by saying they’ll have more seafood tomorrow, and Dan says if he even sees a prawn anywhere on the boat, he’s going to clean up the floor with Leon. Not quite, but he said he’d better not see one on his plate.

Oddly enough, this is followed by a commercial about some shrimp promotion at Red Lobster. Which is probably where Leon should work.

Amy tries to talk to Leon about taking pride in his work. Leon says he could blow the guests away with his cooking if he wanted to. Yeah, that’s the point. He doesn’t want to.

The guests have requested a romantic dinner, and even I think it’s not that special. Dan wants to talk to Leon again. I love this! Wait, I don’t love it. The guests thought the food was great and it made up for last night. Dammit!

Oooh, Eddie says he hooked up with Rocky, but what that means, I’m not sure. The term is used for everything from getting together with someone to getting busy with someone. Rocky does her mermaid act – Eddie pretends to hook a fish and she comes out of the water, much to the amusement of the guests.

At departure time, Dan hands Captain Lee a humongous wad of cash. Before he distributes the tip, the captain gives the crew a mini lecture where he says he doesn’t like the growing animosity that’s lying just below the surface with some of the crew. And he demands cooperation. The bottom line is a 15 grand tip though. The captain doesn’t mind if they have a couple of beers on their night off, but he doesn’t want them leaving the ship.

The girls find a set of hair extensions left behind by one of the guests and have a grand time with them. No surprise they’re going to have a bubble bath and it turns into bubbles from an I Love Lucy episode. This happened to me too, when I put bubble bath in a whirlpool tub once.

We end with Eddie and Rocky doing what? behind closed doors.

Oct7

October 6, 2015 — GH, Wrong Loving, a Couch & a Squall

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Is it Friday yet? Sleeping Beauty Sonny wakes up, while Ava and Julian take baby Avery out to dinner to celebrate her homecoming. I have the feeling Avery is probably ready for surf ‘n’ turf or at least lo mien.

“Jake” picked up Elizabeth’s phone while she was in the bathroom and knows she got a call from Hayden. Well, it probably has Nicholas’s number, so who knows what he must be thinking.

Kiki whines to Franco that she has nothing to do and no one to do it with. He suggests she move into Silas’s apartment with him and Nina, but Nina’s not too keen on that idea and I don’t blame her. Who wants this millennial whiner around them? Let’s see, she’s gorgeous, has money (I’m sure Silas left her some and she has the apartment) and is halfway intelligent (although not much evidence of that lately). Can’t she find somewhere to go? I’ve found her annoying for a while, but it could just be that I miss Kristen Alderson. A lot. Nina also doesn’t want to live in the “death apartment.” Again, good luck finding one that isn’t in Port Charles.

“Jake” says he wasn’t snooping, but he wanted to know what call upset Elizabeth so much. Patrick and Sam show up announcing their engagement, and Elizabeth is happier than they are. Patrick and Elizabeth get called to the hospital to deal with Sonny. Sam complains a little about significant others who are doctors and nurses, and have to go to work at a moment’s notice. Sounds good to me. Maybe not so much with nurses, but marrying a doctor must be great. They’re never home and they make a lot of money. Whoa. “Jake” has an amazing memory for things other than his identity. He remembered the phone number he saw on Elizabeth’s phone and has Sam look it up on her tablet.

Laura shows up at Windermere, and is wondering what’s up with Hayden being there. Nicholas has given Hayden some baloney about how Helena told her who Jake is, but not him. Okay. Like anyone is stupid enough to believe that. Elizabeth calls Nicholas and he seems to think that Hayden doesn’t remember anything. Does this mean he’s believing Hayden or falling for her? Hayden is hip to the fact that she’s making Laura nervous, and says she’ll find somewhere else to live. Seriously? Doesn’t this house have like 110 rooms? They never even have to see each other. Laura says it’s okay and that Hayden should stay.

Kiki gives a lot of exposition for new viewers as to what’s happened up until now with Nina, under the guise of telling Nina how sorry she is. No one talks like this IRL and it always makes me laugh. I’m not crazy about Nina’s dress. I love the style, but it’s some kind of cherry blossom pattern or something that looks like streaks of blood.

Paul says the same thing that every politician says when they get in office – he got left with a mess. He and Tracy discuss how reliable information from Michael might be. It’s probably about as reliable as information from anyone on this show. Paul says he’s going to talk to Michael. Fat lot of good this will do him.

I got confused for a second when Carly tells Sonny he had a seizure when they were about to get married. I’d totally forgotten they decided to do it in the hospital. Patrick tells Sonny that anxiety is a common side effect of anesthesia. Really? I’ve only had it once and it was the best sleep I ever had. He tests Sonny’s reflexes and I wonder if those are fake feet, because Sonny doesn’t react and I don’t know if anyone is that good of an actor. It’s making me move my feet. I’m still wondering why Sonny thought “Jake” was Jason, since they really look nothing like each other. (I’d also swear “Jake” was shorter, but I’ll let that pass.) Was it something in “Jake’s” eyes, or did Sonny wake up psychic? That would be a fun plotline. He could get together with Olivia and they could start a business.

Nina is like, no way am I moving in with Kiki, but Franco wants to do the right thing, with a side benefit of bugging Ava. I love these two together because they’re more fun than corny. Roger Howarth is aging well and looking handsome. He doesn’t seem to be the type who’d get Botox or something, so good. Kiki shows up at (I guess) The Floating Rib where Julian and Ava are. Ava wants to make peace, but Kiki just wants to drink. I hear you, Kiki. How many earrings is Kiki wearing? It looks like 4 or 5. Kiki throws back the rest of her drink and storms off.

How is it that “Jake” is so damn smart, but can’t figure out even one clue as to who he really is?

Back at the ranch Silas’s apartment, Kiki is back and Nina says they’re all going to be one big happy family there, making Kiki, the audience, and probably Franco, wondering when her change of mind happened.

Nicholas tells Laura he “has feelings for” Hayden. I hate that phrase. It makes me cringe inside. Laura wonders how well it’s going to go, since he tried to have Hayden killed a few months ago. Nicholas says that a guy has the right to change his mind. Not really, but that sounded good.

Geez, Sonny isn’t awake 10 seconds before Carly is pushing for another marriage ceremony. Patrick has told him it’s too early to tell if he’ll be able to walk again, and he doesn’t want to marry her until he finds out. Way to stall.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Major flashback episode from when Alex and Brad moved into the neighborhood. Marcie and Randall welcome them and the couples get together for an evening of drinking.  They do some dancing in Alex and Brad’s living room. I always find this kind of thing a little weird, since nobody does this IRL unless it’s a party. Afterwards, after Marcie & Randall leave, Alex wants to get all lovey dovey, and ditto the other two at their house. They keep showing us the clock and I’m not sure why. Uh-oh, something went wrong at Alex and Brad’s. They’ve finished before they started and she does not look happy. OMG – Alex is looking out the window and sees the other couple. Quick like a bunny, Randall closes the curtains, but not before he sees Alex catching a glimpse. This is another thing I don’t think people do in real life, unless they’re voyeurs. Speaking for myself, I can’t think of one neighbor I’ve ever had that I’d want to catch in flagrante. Nope. Not one. And I’ve had quite a few neighbors.

Randall sees Alex outside the next morning and says, sorry, they’re used to the house being empty. I can actually relate to this. I once lived on the top floor of an apartment building in Queens. When they decided to go co-op, as renters left, they stopped renting out apartments. For over a year, it was just me and a single gay man on my floor, and I got used to doing things like taking the garbage out in my underwear. I had to be really careful to check myself when new people finally started moving in.

We jump to a few years later. Both Marcie and Brad are at work and Randall goes over to see Alex. He says he’s been hugging her a little too long at the end of the night when they double-date, adding that it seems to be reciprocal. I’m actually feeling a little sick to my stomach, since I know what the outcome is going to be. Randall says he’s seen her peeping at them when they’re going at it. Hmm…why are they still leaving the curtains open? When people moved into my apartment building, I stopped taking out the garbage half-naked. Alex wisely tells him to get lost. Obviously, we know this doesn’t last. Then he goes to kiss her good-by. Alex rebuffs him, but he’s still going on about their chemistry. One of the reasons I’ve never liked Randall is that he can’t take a hint.

For whatever reason, Randall is helping Alex paint a room. They’re getting a little too close while opening a stuck window, and her parents show up! They’re from Deliverance, which is a surprise to me. Her father isn’t happy that Brad isn’t American, and then Randall, who is African American, comes bounding down the stairs without his shirt on. OMG, he calls Randall “a darkie.” So her father is a racist from the backwoods and her mother is a doormat. They leave and good riddance. Alex goes to find Randall and I see where this is headed. They had lots of sex in the shed and that’s where Alex finds him.

Alex is mortified. They hug and, Oh my Tyler Perry!

Alex is dreaming all this and wakes up saying Randall’s name. And Brad is sitting there. Brad says he’s going to make her life hell from now on. I swear, Tyler Perry produces the best soaps ever. The episode endings are nothing short of soapticiously fabulous.

The People’s Couch

I am so glad this show is back. And for an hour this time. I honestly think it’s one of the funniest things on TV. Maybe ever. The simple, and cheap for Bravo, premise is several groups of people watching TV in their respective homes, everything from Empire (a show I would love to indulge in, but I can’t watch everything) to The Real Housewive,  and making comments to each other while they watch. That’s pretty much what I do here. Which is why I need to be on this show, even if I talk to myself.

There are a pair of sisters who are also roommates; three gay guys who are best friends; a pair of sisters who aren’t roommates; a couple and their two teenage sons; female best friends and writing partners, one is gay and one is straight (my personal favorites – and they have 3 little dogs); a dad and his three adult daughters; three older retired ladies; and another couple and their teenage son.

Each group is very funny, and are people you’d love to hang out with. I literally laugh out loud every other minute.

Oooh, we get a sneak peek Teresa’s phone call home from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Below Deck

Back at the schoolyard…I mean, yacht, Rocky has given Emile a note saying she just wants to be friends. Because they are both huge babies. I would hate to work with these two.

The primary guests are a brother and sister (Tracy and Mark) and their spouses. There’s another girl who I assume is someone’s daughter. Right away, in her individual interview, Connie says something snarky about the girl’s appearance. I don’t like that. Yeah, I know I do it sometimes, but I’m not getting a ten thousand dollar tip. If you’re giving me ten grand, I won’t knock your sweater.

The weather is pretty breezy and a storm is coming. A lobster fishing expedition is cut short and they head back to shore. Chef Leon is a real drag, but the gusts are happy with his dishes. The centerpiece is gorgeous too. I’m sure that’s the fun part of the job for the stews, getting to do the creative stuff. New deckhand, Dane, is on anchor watch. It’s been stressed a few times that falling asleep is a huge no-no, which makes me wonder if that’s what’s going to happen, but it doesn’t.

The next day is nicer, so the jet skis are put in the water. Immediately, the first guest out runs over a line and sucks it into the propeller, thus taking more precious time away from outdoor activities. Squalls are coming through. Dane is supposed to get the line un-entangled and is just making more of a mess. Captain Lee is losing patience with this guy quickly. At first, he seemed like a hard worker, but he’s acting more and more like Spicoli from Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Mark has brought his own wine and wants a tasting menu to go with it. Chef Leon has ordered food from the mainland – groceries, not McDonald’s – and more time is wasted going to pick up his order. The meat is frozen solid. I guess Leon should have been more specific or planned better. Because Kate didn’t have the menu info, everything else got hung up. I understand her frustration with this. I hate when I have to wait for someone to finish their part before I can do my part and they lollygag. Even worse, as Kate has explained earlier, it’s the domino effect – if one person flounders, it goes on down the line and affects everyone.

Captain Lee is dining with the guests. He’s not impressed with Leon’s food, but hopefully, the guests are. Mark seems to have a pretty sophisticated palette. Amy and Kate are super pissed off about Leon taking his sweet time with the whole thing and not caring about them or the guests. Chef Leon makes an appearance and the guests seem happy with his work. Apparently, he should be wearing a jacket to do this and says he doesn’t give a flying. Kate finally calls him out for being the jerk that he is. He says he’ll try to let her know sooner next time, but not to hold her breath. Then he just goes on and on and on about how he doesn’t like Kate and making veiled threats. This guy is the worst. I wouldn’t want to work with him either. Rocky thinks it’s all very funny and I want to slap her.

16 large this week! And because the yacht owners have gotten good feedback about the crew, they’ve been given a freebie night at a resort. Captain Lee gives Dane a mini lecture on responsibility, but he knows it’s going in one ear and out the other. Good job whoever used the words “tax free” in regard to the tip. Shut up.

Dane gets seriously hammered while on the boat on their night off. Ugh! He’s a messy drunk too. I hate that.

Next week looks pretty good. Dane makes more of an idiot of himself and the guests aren’t happy with Chef Leon. And Eddie and Rocky hook up? I’m hoping that one is a dream.

Sep30

September 29, 2015 — GH, Some Soap, Renewing Vows & Sorority Sisters

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

No matter how many years these people live, they’re never going to understand that when doctors are working on an emergency, you really shouldn’t get in their way.

Poor Carrrlos. He lives on in scapegoat spirit anyway. Ha-ha! Anna is walking around like a zombie, because she knows the truth, and Sloane just used her pic on his phone as a coaster. Nicholas continues to amaze me in that I kind of like him now, after years of thinking of him as wallpaper. Hayden has brought a lot out in him, like sleaziness and cunning, but also his fun side. I really hope they stay together and wreak havoc on Port Charles.

Paul makes a “Hmmm…” face when Michael tells him that Ava said Carrrlos was the shooter. I don’t know if it’s “Hmmm…why didn’t I think of that?” or “Hmmm…I’m going to kill her for not doing what I said.” And why did Paul act surprised when the charges against Julian for conspiracy were brought up? As DA and the new crime boss, he should be up-to-date on that, especially since he wants to blame Julian for everything.

I start getting anxious whenever I see the words, “breaking news” now.

Is Ava going to change her clothes today? When was the last time she had a shower? Julian isn’t buying that Ava is replacing him at the mob table out of the goodness of her heart.  Now Sloane is drunkenly harassing Hayden and Nicholas while they’re eating dinner at The Floating Rib. He’s looking a little better now that they fixed his hair.

Back at the Asian restaurant (Noodle Buddha?), “Jake” and Sam have renewed their vows. Sam says she’s ready to leave Jason behind. Oh boy, does she have a surprise coming. Although I wouldn’t want to hang as long as it’s taking to come.  Sam does a whole riff on the figurines and decides to leave them at the restaurant.

The blood clot traveled to Sonny’s brain. Maurice Benard’s contract is up and he hasn’t signed a new one yet, so we’ll see how the next surgery goes.

Paul is going blah-blah-blah at Anna when Sloane calls and insists on speaking with him. Looks like he’s going to spill Anna’s beans about Carrrlos. I was almost liking him, but unless he’s going to say he did it, that’s pretty low. Nope, he’s not. Now Paul is staring at Anna with laser beam eyes. I’ll bet he’s not going to have her arrested though. He’s probably going to use this info to his advantage. And didn’t Sloane’s name/number pop up on the precinct’s caller ID? Although it does look like they have a phone from the 70s. Times is tough everywhere.

Ava tells Julian she’s always dreamed about running the organization, which is news to me and probably everyone else. “Every little girl’s dream,” Julian says. Hey, it beats pushing a baby carriage. Julian says he should probably find a new place to live. He should have found a new place ages ago. Aren’t these two in their 40s? Why are they living together anyway?

Paul meets with Sloan who gives him a key to the safe deposit box where Carrrlos’s ID and wallet are, along with the gun that shot him. I could have sworn they just pushed him into the river, but okay. Paul then shoots Sloane. That was quick. I don’t know what a great mob boss he’s going to make. He probably should have verified that first. What if the only thing in the box is Sloane’s dirty underwear?

As Sonny is prepped for surgery, the burning question in all of our minds is, how much of a raise did he ask for?

If Loving You Is Wrong

If you love old school soap opera, this one’s for you. While The Haves & The Have Nots is more reminiscent of Dallas or Dynasty, If Loving You Is Wrong is more the Ryan’s Hope of the Tyler Perry dramas. The opening credits hearken back to the soaps of the 70s, with romantic shots of the main characters. They all live on the same street, which makes it easy for them to get into each other’s business. The street set is wonderful. The houses look almost cartoonish, all painted in bright colors with gingerbread trim. It also reminds me of the old lonely hearts comic books that I used to sneak into the house when I was a kid.

The new season just started, so it’s easy to catch up. It’s not like this is rocket science.

Alex is married to Brad, but had an affair with Randal. Randal is married to Marcie. There was a big whoop-de-do when the affair was revealed by Marcie at Brad’s surprise birthday party. It was a surprise all right. At the end of last season Brad was furious, Alex just had a baby, Marcie became a drunk and Randal was still trying to get into Alex’s pants. Not in the delivery room, but I wouldn’t have been surprised. I’m not sure what she sees in him, since he’s annoying and a bit intimidating, but he does have a rockin’ bod. In today’s episode, we finally saw the baby, and yep, it’s Randal’s. I forgot to mention that Randal is African American; Alex and Brad are both Caucasian.

Kelly lives next door to Alex and Brad. She’s a single mother, but bought the house in anticipation of getting married to Travis. He was on some mission in a foreign country, but when he came back, he was engaged to someone else. He says he still loves Kelly and wants to be with her, so obviously there’s a piece missing to this puzzle. His mother appears to wield some power over him as well. He also seems a little off, but I don’t know if there’s something to that or it’s just me. Kelly is playing with him, trying to hurt him, but I think she really still loves him.

Edward is a dirty cop who used to be with Esperanza, but he’s also a bully and needs to know what she’s doing every waking moment, which is why they broke up. They can’t seem to leave each other alone though.

Lushion is a good cop who was partners with Edward. Edward had also been in Afghanastan, and Lushion suggested PTSD is Edward’s problem, but Edward shrugged it off, acted like an a-hole, and is now being investigated by the department. Lushion is also in love with Natalie, and the two of them are the voices of reason on the show. Joey is Natalie’s son, who works at a burger place (Natalie is the manager), but has dabbled with gangs who are now after him. The burger place was totally shot up last season.

That should bring you up to speed.

My Fab 40th

The party planner is making 15 grand? I missed my calling. This show is all about rich people’s problems. I guess a lot of them are, but it would be nice to see some people who can’t afford to drop 100k on a birthday party. Where’s the Loud family when you need them?

The couple in this episode (it’s her birthday) are New Yorkers, but if I didn’t know that, I’d swear they were from Los Angeles. They don’t act like any New Yorkers I know. Maybe they got gentrified along with the neighborhood they live in. This party is basically a re-do of their wedding because the original happened when they weren’t so flush. Both of them are lawyers, but threw their degrees in the air to start an urban celebrity gossip website. Obviously it did well.

Al Sharpton officiates at the vow renewal ceremony. Every time I see him, I worry about his health. He really looks like he lost too much weight and now his head is too huge for his body.

Below Deck

Eww! Emile “has feelings for” Rocky. Because he’s 12. Eddie wonders what’s wrong with Emile. For one thing, he can’t hold his liquor. (It’s the crew’s night off.)

Eddie’s having problems with his long distance relationship, and his girlfriend keeps contacting her ex. Connie and Rocky get weird with some whipped cream and leave a mess. Eddie leaves a note that the yacht isn’t a frat house. Oddly enough, the next charter’s two primary guests, Bryn and Stacy, are sorority sisters. It’s some kind of reunion.

The guests decide on finger food for lunch, and like Kate says, “We all know how Leon likes change.” Leon has already made a load of hot food, and despite Kate’s really good suggestions on how to turn it into hors d’oeuvres, he starts grumbling and won’t shut up.

The deck hands are making stupid mistakes, and Captain Lee says he has a low tolerance for stupid. Me too. He calls them all to the wheelhouse and pretty much tells them to shape up or ship out.

Chef Leon is “taking a breather” (where? he’s on a boat), and Rocky is going to cook dinner for the crew. This might turn out to be one of those too many cooks situations. The kitchen isn’t that big. Ha-ha! Kate says gazpacho is another word for laziness. Maybe I should try making some, since I’m admittedly a lazy cook. Holy! Rocky just served the crew raw chicken. She must have taken cooking lessons from my maternal grandmother.

The guests want mini cheeseburger sliders and cream cheese brownies for late night snacking. No surprise, this pisses Leon off. Because he has to cook. I have finally found someone lazier than I am in the kitchen. When I’m being paid, I can be quite industrious. Man, I’m even more creative than this guy.

My second eww! of the show – primary guest Stacy is washing down a brownie with a beer. No. Just no.

My second no surprise too. She’s severely hungover the next morning.

It’s time to dock. This is probably the most difficult thing to accomplish, worse than parallel parking in NYC. The crew manages to do it without anyone getting fired. Even though Stacy is still nursing her hangover, she manages to give the captain the tip. BTW, the tip is always split evenly, which seems kind of unfair, but it is what it is. Twelve large this week.

Emile continues to embarrass himself with Rocky. Because he’s 12. Rocky passes him a note. Because she’s 14.

Wow. It looks like it’s going to be a real sh*tstorm next week.

Sep23

September 22, 2015 — GH, Queens, Tyler Perry & Tequila

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

You’d think after all she’s been though, on top of being a Cassadine, Alexis could control her freak out when hearing a gunshot better. Too bad it was Julian who got shot instead of Morgan, although both of them could disappear and I’d be okay with that. Julian is down, but not out yet.

I need some kind of chart or graph to keep what kids are whose straight. Hey, you watch the same show for literally 50 years and let’s see how well you do.

Is Sonny hallucinating or does he know something about Jake being Jason? That would be a real twist, giving Sonny the reveal. Oh, why not? I’d actually hoped for Laura to return and get that job, but since it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen, they can draw straws at this point for all I care. Just, please, let’s get to it already.

Commercial break. Oh crap. Once Upon a Time is premiering this weekend. While right now it won’t throw a wrench into Sundays, it will eventually. There always seems to be one day in the week where I have to stay up half the night to catch everything. I still have the finale from last season’s Once in the black hole that is my DVR. Pope Francis is also headed this way, which should make for some stellar traffic jams in the city.

Ha-ha! Elizabeth looks like she’s about to pass out. Good. And seriously, “Jake” doesn’t seem like an idiot. Has it never once crossed his mind that he might be Jason? Or even anyone else from Port Charles?

What the blip is Michael doing, showing up there with no weapon? Even wounded, Julian could probably get away, since Michael and Morgan are so busy blabbing. Michael thinks logic is going to work here. Really? He tells Morgan that Sonny sent him to stop Morgan throwing his life away. We’ll see if Morgan buys it.

Ric (whose name I’ve been spelling wrong) is trying to talk his way back into the good graces of the PC court system. (That would be Port Charles. These days, I realize that might need clarification.) While I don’t like his character all that much, I love the acting skills of Rick Lansing. (Rick playing Ric!) He does a great annoyed and flustered. Paul has replaced Ric as District Attorney. That was quick! My favorite soap character job switch was when Bo from One Life to Live went from being a radio DJ to being Police Commissioner overnight. At least Paul was a lawyer already.

Dillon…Maxie…Dillon’s movie… These are the kinds of storylines I used to fast forward through in the old days, when we taped things on the VCR.

This is pretty good, with Carly playing along with Sonny that “Jake” is Jason. I’m rooting for Elizabeth to have a heart attack. At least she’s already at the hospital.

Holy! Michael’s blathering worked! I want Alexis to stop making those cartoonish soap faces though. Her hair always reminds me of Cruella de Vil as it is. Even though Morgan has packed up his pistol, Michael tells Julian it’s not over because he agrees that Julian had Sonny shot. Boy, would he be surprised to know the truth.

Paul should have been a salesman. I’m ready to throw in with him. “Jake” wants to help out in stopping Morgan (a day late and a dollar short), and Elizabeth is trying to boss him around. Go away already.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FREAKIN’ KIDDING ME. They just broke in to the last 2 minutes of the show to report on the Pope’s plane landing in Washington DC. I mean we’re looking at the plane sitting there and that’s it. He’s probably still sitting in his seat, iPad in hand, not believing that they just cut in to the end of General Hospital. This is almost, but not quite, as bad as when they broke in the day we were finally seeing what happened in Luke’s past. ABC had to make all kinds of apologies that time. Did they learn nothing?

Scream Queens

I’m taking a chance on DVR’ing this, but it’s the finale of The Haves & the Have Nots, so I’m only watching the first hour.

It revolves around a sorority, Kappa something (KKT), and a stalker/killer in a devil outfit. One that looks hot and uncomfortable. Jamie Lee Curtis (always worth watching) is Dean Munch, which leads to jokes that I’m sure shouldn’t be aired before 10 pm. Jamie Lee reminds me of Dean Wormer in Animal House. She hates sororities. Somebody has to put their foot down, and that foot is her. She makes some rule that the sorority has to open its membership to everyone, and brings in a bunch of “misfits,” again reminding me of Animal House.

I’d kill for main (evil) character Chanel #1’s closet. The main (good) character, Liz, wants to join KKT because it’s her dead mother’s legacy. Her dad tells her sororities are like Game of Thrones. Since I had the brilliant idea to go to acting school instead of college, I have no clue about them, but my sister and her peers decided to rebel by ignoring pledge week and sororities. This was in the hippie days when being a non-conformist meant something.

Commercial break. The 5th Wave looks like an incredible movie, but if it’s not even rated yet, this means I could be watching this commercial for the next year. I like Good Day New York, but there’s really nothing they can do to make my mornings “fun.” Just give me coffee.

At the end of the first hour, Chanel #1 has killed Miss Bean, the house maid whom she calls “White Mammy.” The first of Chanel’s “minons” (all named “Chanel” and called by number) is killed by the devil stalker. The dialogue is done by texts between the murderer and the victim, culminating with the victim calling for help via Facebook, rather than calling 911. I’m not sure if this is a comment on the stupidity of people today or their dependence on social media or something else.

This looks like a fun show, although a little risqué to be on at 8. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but I am appropriate. And nobody wants to answer kids’ questions before their time.

Tyler Perry’s Temptation Tuesday

This is comprised of his nighttime dramas, The Haves & the Have Nots, and If Loving You is Wrong. Both shows are over-the-top old school style of soap. The main difference being that the latter is totally focused on middle-class families. Most of the characters are doing all right, but there are no real “haves.”

Obviously, I’m not alone in feeling that Tyler Perry has fulfilled a need left by the departure of shows such as Dallas and Dynasty, and given them a fresh spin. They might not be up for any Emmys, but people are tuning in and enjoying these updates on the classics.

Tonight was unusual in that both shows were on back to back. While The Haves & the Have Nots was having its finale, If Loving You is Wrong was starting its new season. Even the beginning credits are reminiscent of the daytime soaps in the 80s and I love it!  It starts the way it ended last season, with a scene that was the height of pure soapiness.

Alex has just had her baby. It’s hanging in the balance whether the father is her Caucasian husband, Brad, or her married African American neighbor, Randall, with whom she was having an affair. (This was all exposed prior to her going into labor.) All of her girlfriends are at the window where you stare at the newborns. They gasp and stare in silence. One of them says the baby is black. Another says, “How are we going to tell Brad”?

“Tell me what?” Brad says, having just walked in behind them.

DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Below Deck

Leon turns out to be kind of a lazy cook, which I can totally identify with, but I don’t work on a yacht.

It’s not starting off well. Some kind of tequila, that most of the guests have put on their preference sheets, isn’t in stock. Kate explains that a lot of the time, guests list things they never ask for and when something is particularly hard to get, it’s not a priority. She realizes now that it is a priority.

On top of it, the weather is not cooperating, so the guests’ requested water activities won’t be happening. I think I would be just fine, lazing around the yacht, top-of-the-line alcohol, food and service at my beck and call, but apparently some people get bored with that. This makes me take note that I’ve never once seen anyone reading while on these charters. I’ve always taken reading material on vacation.

Does it bother anyone else when, while watching an episode of a show, they air a commercial for next week’s episode of the same show? And add that it’s an “all new episode” when it’s only the third one of the season?

A new deckhand is coming to replace dickweed Don. (Ha-ha! Spell check tried to change that to duckweed. Fie on you, spell check, and I trump your correction.) Rocky is still insane, crying one minute and making up Broadway tunes about laundry the next. I don’t think this girl belongs at this job. Or maybe any job. Hope she can find a rich guy to marry. New guy Dane is too young, surfer dude looking for me, but the girls all think he’s hot.

Kate says it’s not a good sign when the guests go to bed early and would rather sleep than hang out on the boat. A couple of the lady guests try to entice Dane and Emile into the hot tub. Emile plays by the rules of no fraternization, but Dane almost gets in the tub and needs a mini-lecture on how to draw the line between having fun with the guests and having too much fun with the guests.

The weather still sucks, and Kate creates a party for the guests where they play a slightly rude, seafaring version of Twister. Lo and behold, here comes a boat bearing the liquor the guests could so desperately not live without. (The bottle cost $350, but there’s no mention of what the delivery must have cost.) I think these guests are bored because they’re boring. All is well once the booze gets on board. I hate tequila, so I’m failing to see how this was a make or break factor on the charter. I can’t wait to see what the tip is.

Whoa — 25 large! Having to entertain bored, boring people is totally worth it. Captain Lee gives Eddie some advice while they lounge in the hot tub. Eddie needs to get it together with his girlfriend because his mind isn’t totally on his work. The main thing I hear is that Captain Lee is married. Yep. All the good ones are married or gay.

Sep16

September 15, 2015 — Port Charles, a Mermaid & a Birthday

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

I like Rick’s Clark Kent look sooo much better. I tend to forget he’s Sonny’s brother on a regular basis. Like any time he’s not mentioning it.

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY, ELIZABETH, TELL HIM!

Oh great, she’s telling Jake her other secret.

Everyone is getting all lovey dovey over Sonny. Big decision happening. If they remove the bullet, he could bleed to death due to his weakened condition, but if they wait for him to get stronger, in the meantime, the bullet could move and kill him. Everyone clap if you believe in fairies Sonny.

Ha-ha! Rick suggests he and Sam get back to their “regularly scheduled animosity.” Don’t tell me Rick and Sam are going to end up putting 2 and 2 together before Elizabeth gets a conscience.

I don’t think Morgan is bi-polar. I think he’s uni-polar because I’ve only seen one mood out of him – whiny and/or angry whiny. I have to add that Bryan Allen Craig is really good in this part, but he’s probably wishing they’d give him more to work with too.

Yeah, yeah, we all have regrets, Liz. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Why don’t you tell him??? I’ve never really liked Elizabeth, but I’ve never thought of her as stupid. Someone is going to come up with this sooner or later, and the only way for her to save herself is to tell him first. Although who knows? I never understood Jason anyway.

Commercial time. I guess a lot of the shows are starting their seasons this week. I am so glad Z Nation is back. Like Sweeny Todd’s arm, my Fridays are complete again.

Hey, I think I have that sweater/jacket that Carly is wearing. It wouldn’t be the first time. A while ago, I got the best sweater from Nasty Gal online and before I even had a chance to wear it, Britt showed up in the same one. Then I was afraid to wear it because I thought people would think I was just trying to copy her, when in reality, it was the other way around.

Maxie and Nathan – my favorite couple! Whoa. Maxie got a little close there too, with Jake’s real identify. Can Elizabeth do something with her hands other than wringing them? She’s been doing that for 2 days like she has OCD.

We end with Sonny being wheeled into surgery. And one more day that Jake doesn’t know who he is.

Below Deck

Don has decided to skip out mid-charter because he’s an engineer and would rather take his marbles and go home than admit he’s wrong. Idiot. Connie isn’t sad to see him go (me neither), but admits it leaves them short-handed.

I desperately want to get in that water. I did vacation in the Bahamas once. When I was 14 and had no appreciation for it. I only wanted to get back home to my friends. One of those sad ironies of life. I join Don in the idiot pool and wish I could have a do-over and spend a week there now.

Dean (the primary guest) wants the crew to have a “dive off” where the guests will score them and the prize is $500. If holding your nose and jumping off the boat counted, I’d be in. The crew dons costumes. Connie wears a shark tank suit and a tutu, which looks like one of my club outfits from the ‘80s. Captain Lee says, “There are no depths to which we won’t sink to get a good tip,” and I’m not sure if he’s making a pun or not. Although he does seem to have lightened up since last season.

Rocky reminds me of Audrey Landers from the original Dallas, except I like Audrey Landers. Rocky is one of those airhead girls who is desperate for attention that guys who don’t know any better will drool over and girls will roll their eyes at. We’ve all had one in our orbit at one time or another. They’re the ones who shamelessly flirt with your boyfriend and then don’t understand what they did wrong.

Kate doesn’t want to get her hair wet, so she wears a head to toe bright red…something.  She still gets an 8. Rocky is wearing a pink wig and is reminding me of Meghan Edmonds on Watch What Happens Live, making me like her even less. Everyone has a great time and it’s nice to see everyone getting along – crew and guests.

I think Kate has a crush on Dean. They’ve come a long way from that first charter. Time for the Greek party!

There’s an ad for a Cinderella movie I’ve never heard of. Helena Bonham Carter is the fairy godmother and it looks pretty good. Real Housewives of New York 100th Episode Special – this Thursday! An ad too, for Teresa “checking in” on RHONJ. That whole situation is just sad. They seem like obnoxious people – although the eldest daughter is turning out nicely – but I think the court wanted to make an example of them because they’re on TV and they were treated unfairly. I’ve watched them for so long, they’re like unbearable cousins that I have to tolerate on holidays. I don’t like them that much, but I don’t wish them ill either. Like I do you-know-who. Just kidding! Karma and all that.

OMG – Rocky has won the diving contest, although she had said she was a Junior Olympic diving champ some years ago. She also gets to be the mermaid. I’d be jealous of that – what girl hasn’t wanted to be, or at least see a mermaid? – but I don’t think I really want to wear one of those tails. It looks like it would be hot, as well as a real disadvantage when having to go to the bathroom.

Wow. The strawberry compote must be something. One of the guests is licking the glass it was served in.

Amy is trying to teach Rocky how to be a good stew. Good luck with that. Which is what I say when what I really mean is, all the luck in the world isn’t going to help you. Sure enough, Rocky sees that it’s work and can’t possibly.

The towline has become entangled in the propeller, so someone is going to have to dive down and get it off of there.  Eddie goes, because it’s kinda sorta his fault, since he should have been on top of whoever was supposed to be watching.

The tip is “20 large,” as Captain Lee puts it. Right now, everyone is glad Don skipped out. (It comes out to 2 grand each.) The Captain wants them all to stay in tonight because he wants the boat cleaned up and shipshape for the next charter. Emile asks the Captain if he and Rocky can go to dinner off the boat, and reminds me of asking my dad if I could go out on a date. Captain Lee gives them 2 hours, and says he wishes someone would take him out to dinner. I totally volunteer.

Uh-oh, Eddie is talking to his girlfriend and we all know that long distance relationships rarely work out.  It’s not good when every other word is an F-bomb and they’re not talking about doing it. Eddie ends up threatening to hang up, hangs up, and then throws the phone. Why does everyone always throw the phone? I decided to throw a plate once when I was angry, just to see what satisfaction it gives. All I got was a broken plate and a mess to clean up.

Emile gets super wasted – no nookie tonight! No eros on the Eros.

My Fab 40th

I’m watching this, but there isn’t much to say. You can’t really invest in the “characters” because it’s a one-shot deal. And it’s kind of like going to a shower. It’s great if it’s yours, but if not, they’d better have liquor.

Sep9

September 8, 2015 — GH, a Yacht & a Party

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

The big question is — who is the mystery shooter? Franco, Nina and company are all busy right now. Julian? Too obvious. I believe Morgan would do just about anything at this point, but we know where he is. Ditto Michael. One of those generic mob guys who were at the round table? Maybe. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Everyone’s rocking their looks at the wedding that’s not going to happen. Even Bobbie’s fillers are fitting her face better. Fillers fitting face. Say that 3 times real fast. Haven’t all of Sonny’s weddings been postponed because of a shooting accompanied by an Italian aria? No music this time. Not even an Ave Maria. I feel cheated.

Yeah, I didn’t think that headband was going to stay on Avery’s head for long. How old is she supposed to be? She sure is chomping on a humongous cracker when I figured she’d still be being bottle fed.

Hayden apparently woke up a genius, since she can read an awful lot into remembering a few seconds of something.

Oh, I see. It’s the expendable stranger that was the shooter. No surprise and not much fun to try and guess either. Good for “Jake” shooting Charlie while he was babbling about shooting TJ. Tuco said it best in The Good, The Bad & The Ugly, “When you have to shoot, shoot; don’t talk.”

Good job in derailing your love life nuSloane. I am so not feeling this guy.

Will someone untie TJ already? Since he hasn’t figured out that the ropes are so loose, he could have slipped out of them two days ago. Probably brought to you by the same people who won’t tell the actors that, when they’re handed a cup of coffee, at least make it look like it’s full.

Did somebody call 911 or are they just going to stand around Sonny as he bleeds out? Doesn’t everyone carry cell phones now? That reminds me of a funny scene on One Life To Live years ago. Todd was holding a small crowd hostage and asked them to hand over their phones. About 50 phones were produced and it looked like an SNL skit.

Below Deck

I don’t know what’s up with some of these kids who sign on for this job. They don’t seem to grasp that it’s actually work. Hard work. Guests pay a lot of money to charter this yacht. They’re the ones who get to have the fun, not the employees. Not to mention the fat tips they get for the work. A couple of this season’s new people don’t even seem to grasp that there are rules when you’re on the water. Rocky annoys the hell out of me. She seems like a lazy ignoramus. She was in charge of laundry, so now everyone can’t find their uniform pieces and the ones they are finding aren’t laundered properly. She claims not to have any experience in laundry. Really? I’ve been doing my own laundry since I was 13. Has she ever even had a job before? Kate reminds Rocky to turn the iron off and Rocky gets offended. Another really? I’m surprised she hasn’t already burned the yacht down, or made it capsize, or something.

The dude is back that Kate designed the towel like a rocket ship for last season. She has “some ideas” for new towel art and wants to have a Greek themed party, with togas, gods and a mermaid. Chef Leon says he hates theme parties. Why he even cares, since it’s not like he has to do anything but cook, is beyond me. Where is Chef Ben when I need him? He was so much more fun & had emotions other than annoyance.

Ha-ha! This time Kate made him a palm tree. With balls coconuts of course.

New guy Don is a freakin’ idiot who thinks he knows everything better than everyone else. Oh that’s right, I forgot, he’s an engineer. When the first officer tells you to do something, you do it. Man, I feel sorry for Eddie and Dan (the first officer) this season.

The guests are going to catch their own food – lobster and conch – this ought to be good. Connie is in her element alongside them. She told us in the first episode that one of the things that can get her to drop her pants is “Let’s go fishing.” Apparently, she’s easy to please. Or just easy.

Pausing to ogle the Kraft Mac & Cheese commercial. I know it’s probably about one of the worst things you can eat, but I nearly got addicted to it when I was a mother’s helper for 6 years. One for you, one for me. And there were 3 kids.

A conch is harder to open than a coconut. Amy wonders why Chef Leon is mystified with this task because he’s never done it before, yet he was a chef in the Bahamas. I wonder too. Kate better come up with some even better towel concoctions, since primary guest, Dean, is a stickler for time and this is taking forever. Luckily, Dean thinks it’s “ridiculously good” when the meal is finally served. Ohhh, wait a second, what he served is what they caught. What a loser.

This week’s gem of wisdom from Kate: “Cruise ships are K-Mart and yachts are Neiman Marcus.” She added “everyone knows that,” but I didn’t know that, so she’s wrong on that point.

Don is an arrogant pr*ck. He’s basically arguing with Captain Lee about – what difference does it make? He’s arguing with the Captain. And in his talking heads segment, he says Captain Lee hardly works. Huh? Then he quits! Mid charter! He trumps Chef Leon as a double-loser.

Can’t wait for next week and the Greek party.

My Fab 40th

This is sort of like My Sweet 16th for older people, and instead of whining teens, we have anxious adults. The best part about the show is the fabulousness of the parties and the amount spent on them. The food! The drink! The outfits! The decorations! The cake! Theme parties with costumes are the best. (Phooey on you, Chef Leon.) Tonight, Carmine has chosen a Hunger Games party and the costumes are to die for. Even his mother is going with the flow.

Carmine thought his problem would be mixing his gay and straight friends, but IMO, the much bigger issue is running low on food. Throughout the first forty minutes of the show, he fretted about combining his social spheres, concerned that his straight friends have never been surrounded by so much “gayness.” I’m wondering how his friends can be that sheltered. Even growing up in Ohio, I went to the clubs in downtown Cleveland and wasn’t the least bit shocked when I moved to NYC (I could also read!). Only his mom really has difficulty with the atmosphere, but it’s more a question of polite conversation, people using words like “b*tch” and “queen,” terms of endearment to them, but understandably not to his mom.

All ends up well though. Carmine’s mom tells him that he’s blessed with the friends he has, and he’s happy with them too.

Total cost: $26,525 – Holy!

Sep3

September 2, 2015 — GH, the Rich, the Small & the Final Four

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The Haves and the Have Nots

This show is just so over-the-top cool! I love these Tyler Perry nighttime soaps because they evoke a revamped 70s/80s style. It’s like he refashioned old-fashioned. The actors must be having a great time with this stuff too.

Last night, I missed the beginning, because I just had to find out what the tip was on rerun of  Below Deck ($12,000), but apparently, the cat is out of the bag that Jim has two illegitimate children by one of his maids, and his popularity just took a nosedive. Jim says he’s “not having a good day,” and this is an understatement. He wants everyone dead.

His business partner friend knows that his wife, Veronica, is on Jim’s death wish list, and he’s having none of that. He tells Jim that if Veronica is harmed, he’ll show him “the like of an enemy [Jim] has never seen.” Them’s fightin’ words. Although I don’t get why David cares so much about her, since a couple of episodes ago, she tried to burn down the house with him in it.

Ah, love.

General Hospital

Aw, Jake. I like him. I just wish they’d get to telling him who he really is. So he can dump Elizabeth like yesterday’s trash. I don’t like her. I never quite understood why all the ladies loved Jason, but nuJason is very lovable.

Anna is back! At one I’d point hoped for a “love triangle” between her, Duke and Sloane, but Duke’s dead and Sloane is MIA, so there goes that. Oh, wait, they’re talking about Sloane, so he must still be around. He’s one good-looking guy, but please, GH, stay away from those buzzcuts. Maybe that’s where Sloane has been, busy growing out his hair.

Nice scene between Morgan and Sonny about the bi-polar issue, although you’d think Morgan would know all this already. BTW, I’m not too crazy about Michael either. “You’re not hung over cuz you’re still drunk.” HAHAHA, Sonny! Been there myself.

I kind of like Nicholas and Hayden, but I’d feel more comfortable with it if I didn’t think he was planning on killing her.

Molly and kid-whose-name-I-can-never-remember should go into the bakery business.  Carly & Sonny’s wedding cake looks fabulous. Whoops! Maybe not. It looks like there’s a group of masked men who just don’t like cake.

MasterChef

Everyone has to make magic from a single ingredient and their “staple pantry box.” Nick says the simplest things are the hardest to execute. I agree. I can’t make a sunnyside up egg for anything. I love Stephen’s goal to have a farm to table business.

Katrina is wearing a bow on her head again, albeit a lot smaller. I’m betting it grows by the end of the season.

Claudia says she had a dream about Gordon and she has a crush on him. Me too. He might act like a screaming mimi a lot of the time, but that’s not because he’s a nasty guy; he’s just passionate about what he does. And granted, maybe some of it is for the camera. He’s actually quite a kind and caring man, and possibly the hardest working man in the food industry. He has at least 4 TV shows, my favorite being BBCAmerica’s The F Word. It’s very different from the other programs like MasterChef, Hell’s Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares. It’s more of a food variety show, where you get to see where the food comes from, along with some cooking segments and a whole bunch of other stuff. There’s also a contest segment where a celebrity (not a chef) and Gordon compete in making the same dish. And Gordon is not always the winner.

I’m not a bleu cheese lover, but Derrick’s pretzels with bleu cheese look hella good. Claudia wins the first round, but I don’t think her crush has anything to do with it. Oh man, I desperately want their pantry. It has absolutely everything you’d ever need. I love when the winner gets to screw around with the other contestants. This time, Claudia gets to pick her favorite ingredients and one of the others will have to cook with them. A few old timers (winners from previous seasons) have also been invited back to make up baskets for the others. Christine is one of them and one of my favorites. She’s blind and I find her amazing. Nick, who got Claudia’s basket, is totally freaking out.

Katrina seriously screwed up. Undercooked veal. I don’t think that bow is going to save her either. Nick is safe though. For all his freaking out, he had the top dish. Yep, Katrina is going home. The top 4 are Claudia, Stephen, Derrick and Nick. Katrina gets a great consolation prize though. Gordon offers her a culinary trip to France when she’s ready. The bow lives on!

I’m still feeling that Stephen will be the winner. Although seriously, anyone who can hold their own on this show for any amount of episodes – hell, anyone who even made it onto the show – is a winner in my book.

Little Women: Los Angeles

Since MasterChef ran overtime, I missed the first 2 minutes, and tune in to see Tonya and Jasmine hugging it out. Dammit! What were the magic words that made that happen?

It’s a shame that the women aren’t accepting of Briana’s fiancé, Matt. He’s tired of getting the cold shoulder from Briana’s friends and I don’t blame him. While no doubt he has flaws, like Jasmine we’ve only seen Matt treat Briana with respect and love. Jasmine is the only one being cool about it – or not “being all, like uncool” as the Countess would say. If he’s only a fetishest, he’s hiding it pretty well. And he did put a ring on it.

Elena is working with a makeup company and the whatever-they-are seem to be skeptical of her idea of having a mini double-sided brush included in a palette. I’m a palette junkie and I think it’s a fine idea. Their argument is based on the fact that they’ve never manufactured something like that before. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think it’s a good idea to manufacture never-before-done makeup products. Who doesn’t want something new in their makeup wardrobe? This makes no sense to me whatsoever.

Barry Gordy’s son, Kerry, wants to create a hit single for Briana, Christy is going to be in a music video, and Terra’s getting married. These girls are busy! What’s so remarkable about all of them is that, watching them, you would never know the physical struggles they go through. Their challenges go way beyond being small in stature. It seems like every one of them have other physical problems as well. Briana goes to get her hair done and has to put cotton in her ears because getting any water in them can cause 5 days of pain. My admiration grows. Also my awareness of how we all complain about such insignificant things.

Brittney is a dancer, just off of Miley Cyrus’s tour (um….) and is getting an agent. Is everyone’s life more exciting than mine? Those who can’t do, write about it.

Terra’s Little Family

It’s the season finale and time for the wedding. I am so looking forward to this!  Everything is gorgeous, especially the bride. Terra’s father is deceased and I can totally understand the hole that must be in her heart, because I had no father to walk me down the aisle either. Her brother is pinch-hitting though, as my sister did for me, and everything is just beautiful, including tiny flower girl, baby Penny in her wagon, surrounded by flowers. Terra’s dress is perfect, and her pillbox hat with a short veil works well. So does the beige dress/cobalt blue shoe combo for the bridesmaids. Terra’s heel breaks on her way down the aisle, but every wedding needs at least one hitch. For their first dance, Terra has written and recorded her own song. Is there no end to the talents these little women have?

I really love these two and wish them as much happiness as they can handle. In a sea of reality nonsense, they’re a breath of fresh air, and they show us how to handle life’s complications and hardships with grace and maturity, as well as how to do it as a couple. And they literally make me laugh out loud at least twice every episode. They’re the couple you’d love to hang out with IRL. While I totally admit to enjoying the ridiculous arguments and rich people’s problems of The Real Housewives, Terra and Joe are pearls among pebbles.

Million Dollar Listing

It tends to rotate, but now Wednesday is the problematic day of the week for me. The day of the week I have to stay up all night to catch the shows I want to see. So let it suffice to say that I’m glad to see the Los Angeles guys back. My favorite is the New York bunch, but that’s because I know the city so well. But for some reason, I just could not get into the San Francisco group as much. I did get into some of the houses, which were incredible; the brokers, not so much.

Oh, this is good though. The son of the seller of a to-die-for house wants to help out by taking potential buyers on a trip down his own Memory Lane. This guy’s jaw is wired because somebody punched him in the mouth and I understand completely.

Off the watch the finale.

Sep2

September 1, 2015 — GH, Yachting & Parties, & a Gigolo

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

I gotta say, Donna Mills looks terrific in orange, but since it’s the new black, I’m not surprised. Mo’ money, mo’ problems, mo’ arrested.

I’m going to get shingles just having to listen to Terry Bradshaw talk about them every commercial break.

Ok, let’s count. How many scenes can we have with Julian shirtless? Oh Lord, he and Alexis have matching underwear. I’m just not feeling these two.

Oh good. Nathan finally told Madeline his name isn’t James. I’ve been screaming that at the TV for 2 days.

Did Morgan just ask Michael what all his mood changes are about? Did he forget the entire conversation with Sonny and Carly the other day, where they tried to explain he was bi-polar? I give up. Too bad Ava can’t say she needs meds too. It’s not looking good between her and Kiki, which is totally understandable. Kiki (I remembered who she was immediately – progress!) made a good point in that Ava’s feelings for Morgan are stronger than those for her daughter. I still don’t get why either one of them are interested in him — he’s annoying and there’s that eww factor — but she’s right.

Carly just said she’s “feeling lucky.” Is he back again? (haha) I’m liking the kinder, gentler Sonny with her.

How come they haven’t released Franco and Nina yet? OMG, the guard is stepping aside and letting Madeline yap at Nina before he takes her to her cell. What jail does this??? Geez, Nina had to tell him to take Madeline away. The inmates are running the asylum.

Aww, Franco and Nina are getting all mushy. From their jail cells.

From the previews, it looks like both Anna and young Spencer will be back on the scene soon. Yay!

Below Deck

This is a continuation of last week’s episode.  The guy who whose dream it was to have the foam party. Sigh…rich people.

Something seems to be off with new stew Rocky. I don’t know if it’s just immaturity or what, but she acts like a 5-year-old. One of her first personal orders of business is to go up on the mast near the radar with one of the other hands (the French guy Emile). This is apparently dangerous on several levels and you’d think that someone working in yachting would know this. I look forward to more precarious situations with this girl.

Tomboy deckhand Connie’s father passed away. This would be sad, but she doesn’t seem to care as their relationship “ended years ago.” Apparently he was an addict only an inch away from abusing the kids sexually. I don’t blame her.

Ha-ha! Kate is punishing Rocky with a bunch of busy work. Connie is the opposite of Rocky. She says Kate is the boss; do it her way. Yep.

I’m a water baby, so one of my favorite things about this show are the places they go to, even if that place is just out in the middle of the water.  It’s the Bahamas this charter & I am so in.

The primary guest, George, wants it all. (Although, to be truthful, he’s a lot nicer about requesting it than many guests have been. I expect him to tip big.) He now wants a Mexican party where angel-hair pasta is turned into Mexican spaghetti. Kate is freaking over this, but the chef makes it happen deliciously. George has also heard Aerosmith is in the area & has asked if Captain Lee can hook him up. Steven Tyler always seems down for anything, so maybe we’ll see him in this episode. Amy says it can get dicey late at night with charter guests who like to drink a lot. I’ll bet.

Wow. Kate’s kind of a slob in her own cabin. I guess she gets tired of cleaning since she has to clean up after guests all the time, but I’m shocked that she’s not anal about her personal space.

No Steven Tyler, but the stews dress up one of the crew. Unfortunately he looks like Captain Jack Sparrow, so I’m not sure what they were going for here. Instead of Aerosmith, we get a poor man’s Johnny Depp.

Don argues over an order from Captain Lee. Oh, he’s an engineer. That explains it.

My favorite part – tip time! George leaves the boat like a boss king in a huge crown. He’s had the time of his life and hands Captain Lee a fat envelope. The crew sits down at the table to divvy up the spoils. And then I had a dog mini-emergency and missed the whole thing.

Rocky is ridiculous. She doesn’t want to be told what to do, yet admits she doesn’t know what she’s doing. Ok. Maybe she should hook up with Morgan.

My Fab 40th

I don’t know about this show. Each week a different person (so far just women) plan a huge party for their 40th birthday and drama ensues. It’s fun to watch the party being planned and seeing the end result, but it’s hard to invest in anyone who you’re only going to see once.

This episode revolved around a gorgeous single mother and model. At first, this episode bummed me out. She’d been dating her boyfriend of 6 years and wanted to take the next step into marriage. He’d given her a “promise ring” (really? we’re 40, not 14), but seemed to waiver on getting married again. (They’d both been married before.) What bothered me was, here’s this woman who has everything going for her, and she’s waiting around on this guy. Clearly, at this point, he doesn’t want to get married. IMO, if at all, once is enough, but if that’s what she really wants, why waste time on someone who doesn’t? On the other hand, it was a little creepy how her girlfriends were pressuring him to give her a ring at upcoming party.

His surprise for her is going to be a racecar (she’s an enthusiast), something she’d also wanted, but in another uncomfortable-for-me move, she had gone ring shopping with a friend and texted him a picture of the ring she wanted. When she saw the car, she thought maybe the ring was inside. So did I. Even though I thought he was a lost cause by now, I wanted it for her because she wanted it. And I was afraid if she didn’t get it, she’d waste more time when there was a whole wide world out there. But she surprised me.

There was no ring in the car and she dumped him, but kept the car.

She’ll do just fine. With or without a new man.

Vanderpump Rules

No it’s not the new season yet, but I just read that Kristen and James have broken up. Although I’ve never been a fan of James, I hated watching him be, for lack of a better word, cuckolded throughout the entire last season. Hopefully, he now has a clue that Kristen is batsh*t crazy and is never going to stop stalking her ex, Tom. Lisa fired her for God’s sake. And Lisa puts up with a lot with these kids.

This is actually in my top ten, if not five, favorites of reality shows. I adore Lisa and Ken, and will watch anything that might have a gratuitous scene with Giggy.

I can’t wait to see that little sex monster again.

Aug26

August 25, 2015 — PC, NYC, a Ship at Sea & Some Maids

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Devious Maids

It’s not that I don’t have a DVR, but I prefer to watch shows in real time, so I watched this at midnight last night. My DVR fear is that if I start recording things, it will end up like the black hole that was once my VHS tape collection. I already have General Hospital episodes that are 2 years old on there.

Kind of like Murder She Wrote, but grislier with a more youthful vibe, I really like this show. One of the reasons is the friendship between the women. While they have their ups and downs, they always come together to support one another. Although I liked it at the beginning, I drifted away from Desperate Housewives before the series ended. Maybe that’s why. The women were just too cruel to each other.

I know, I know. Says the one who’s addicted to The Real Housewives.

Not that I thought she would ever have trouble finding work, it’s great to see Susan Lucci back on the small screen. She’s a natural in the role of Genevieve, whose over-the-topness is not too far from Erica Kane, who, if you remember, once shouted down a bear. I loved seeing her paired with John O’Hurley, and was sorry that he only stuck around for a few episodes. Johnny, we hardly knew ye.

Right now, since it’s the finale, all the murders have been confessed to and they’ve blown the place up in cliffhanger fashion. I hope I don’t have to wait too long for the next season. The last time, it was so long, I practically forgot what the show was about. I long for the old days of a September to May season, with summer reruns and the occasional new show in the off-time. Now, it seems like they use a dart board to decide on air dates. Seasons could be at any time of the year, or split in half to get more play, with sometimes an entire year in between. (Thanks, Mad Men!) I am, however, grateful for the repeat episodes. There was a time when they were annoying, but with all the great TV to choose from, it’s made it easier to catch everything.

General Hospital

I managed to tear myself away from BRAVO’s Below Deck marathon. Can’t wait for the new season starting tonight! Since it comes on after The Real Housewives of New York – part 2 of the reunion –my head could very well explode.

Glad to see Tracy today – another one of my favorites! Jane Elliot has it right too, with the way she’s keeping it real as she ages. She looks good and she looks like herself. Now that we all know that Denise is really Ava, I’ll miss Denise. She was a load of fun! I hope Ava keeps Denise’s dark hair – it looks absolutely stunning with her light eyes. You might think me superficial, commenting on a character or actor’s appearance, but these are some of the thoughts that go through my head as I watch. Don’t tell me you don’t have them too. If you’re looking for a real recap, go to the site for the show. Or Vulture. I love their recaps; they often make me literally LOL. That’s right. This Macy’s Santa is sending you to Gimbel’s if they have what you want and I don’t. But, my friends do say they enjoy watching TV with me.

Roger Howarth (now known as Franco) has been my favorite soap actor ever since he came on the One Life to Live scene. Apparently, a lot of fans felt that way, since his character was originally supposed to have a limited run, and Todd ended up running all the way to Port Charles many years later, even though ABC made a mess of the crossover. One of my fondest soap memories was Todd stalking blind Nora. It was Christmastime and I’d just brought a neighbor’s dog back from our daily walk. She had a huge box of chocolate truffles on the coffee table (my neighbor, not the dog), and had told me to help myself. (She was a literal size 0 and only drank half a can of soda at a time, so who was I not to help her here?) I put the TV on, and actually ate some bonbons while I was watching a soap. I thought, it doesn’t get any better than this.

Moving on. For a place that’s rife with criminals, Port Charles certainly has a lax jail system, along with keeping both men and women in the same holding area. Come to think of it, the hospital isn’t exactly on top of security either. Remind me never to get sick there if someone is trying to murder me.

That’s right, Morgan. It doesn’t matter that Denise is really Ava. It doesn’t make you any less of a cheater. So please quit whining.

The Real Housewives of New York

Having lived a good portion of my life in the city, these girls are high on my must watch list.

Oh, Countess, can you take a clue from Princess Elsa and let it go? Why is she still hanging on to being angry about Carole seeing her niece’s ex? The weirdest thing about this is that the Countess seems to be okay with an older woman and a younger man together if they’re just having sex, but she frowns on them having a relationship. Huh? So now that Carole has been seeing 28-year-old Adam for some time, she’s gotten more annoyed. I even doubt the niece is hanging on this hard. Although the LuAnn does get the prize for the classic line of the decade, “Be cool. Don’t be all like, uncool.” That has to be one of the best things I’ve ever heard on any Wives show ever. I want that on a T-shirt.

WHAT ARE YA DOIN’ HERE WITHOUT DORINDA? Hahahahaha! I just had to say that.

I go back and forth with Sonja. On one hand, I adore her. She lives the way she wants to, and often reminds me of one of the Edies (Beale) in her eccentric way of presenting herself. On the other hand, I can understand the frustration of the other ladies in dealing with her. In some ways, she lives in another time, and she has to get it through her head that it’s a bad idea for a woman alone to get blackout drunk at a bar. Please, stop doing that before something bad happens. I was proud of her for finally getting her clothing collection off the ground though. For getting anything off the ground actually. And the clothes are gorgeous. Brava, Sonja! Now about that toaster oven….

I’ve met Kristen and although underused on the show, she’s a lovely person. She’s one of those people who, when you talk to her, make you feel like you’re the most important person in the room. I don’t think Bethenny has always given her a fair shake, and I also don’t believe that printed quotes are always accurate. (Really, Bethenny? Did you really say they were? SMH) Throughout the season, we saw Kristen struggle with her husband, Josh, over priorities, as his seemed to be more about work than family. I was very sad to hear he was one of those outed in the Ashley Madison data breach. I sincerely hope they’re able to work it out. He’s another husband I’m not crazy about, but I didn’t marry him and I hate to see her hurt.

Now we finally get to the Ramona dirt. Well, really the Mario dirt. As much as I dislike her – another pot stirrer who thinks saying “I’m sorry” makes everything all right – I wouldn’t wish a cheating spouse on anyone. And no woman should have to see the other woman in their kitchen. At first, it seemed like we were seeing a different Ramona this season, but it didn’t take long before her evil twin came back in full force. And hey, if you don’t want that gorgeous guy just because he’s a bartender (news flash: that’s not an awful career), I have plenty of single friends who will take him.

This is hysterical. The saga of the dress Ramona swiped from Bethenny. Apparently, she was given an expensive piece (Halston Heritage) to wear on Bethenny’s show and walked off with it. Despite many attempts to get it back, including giving her another pricey dress in the hopes of a trade, Ramona has managed to dodge the return. Now she claims she shouldn’t have to since Bethenny’s show was canceled. Ramona. It. Does. Not. Belong. To. You.

Why is Ramona drinking rosé instead of pinot? Did I miss something?

Below Deck

I’m so glad to see this show again! I love it so much. Maybe because I’d like to take up residence on that yacht and sail around for the rest of my life. And I adore Captain Lee. I was sad to see that most of the old crew have been replaced, especially Ben the Australian chef, but it’s TBD if I like this group as much. I’m keeping an open mind.

Chief Stew Kate has returned. I have a love/hate relationship with Kate. What she calls “stoic and professional” can often come off as cold and unfeeling, yet she has a great sense of humor at times. Like last season when one of the primary guests was being a real d*ck and she folded the towel on his bed accordingly. When called on it, she claimed it was a “rocketship,” but we all knew better, and the guest actually redeemed himself by finding it funny and tipping big.

Speaking of asshat guests, during the marathon, I caught my least favorite, Timothy Sykes. An entrepreneur who made a fortune in penny stocks, he was one of the rudest guests ever. Apparently his daughter girlfriend is a fan of “simple foods” (in other words, she has an uneducated palate) and wasn’t too appreciative of Chef Ben’s artistry. Timothy also acted like a big baby over the internet connection not being up to par. While the crew is no stranger to complaints, this idiot took it a step further. When it came time to give the tip, he showed Captain Lee a wad of bills and then dramatically took a quarter of the wad out, citing the above offenses and telling Lee that’s why he was reducing the tip.

Since I’d never heard of this guy before, after seeing him again, I googled him. The first link I saw was to a Tweet he’d just made, saying if anyone was watching Below Deck, it was all editing and he really had a great time. And then some buy-my-crap link. Normally, I avoid Twitter for the most part. The last thing I need is more anti-social social media in my life. I just couldn’t resist though. Unless immediately after his arrogant display with the money, he patted Captain Lee on the back and said, “Just kidding,” while handing him the rest of the tip, I fail to see how editing had anything to do with him being a d-bag. So I told him that. Not that I think he gives a flying, but he did bring it up. And Chef Ben did end up making his daughter girlfriend those casadias, so what was the big deal?

You can see my once-a-year tweet here: http://tinyurl.com/o6jp94q

OMG THE FOOD!!! I’ve never even been on a cruise, but I want to go straight to charter.

The first guests of the season want a “foam party.” One of the crews remarked that they hadn’t heard that since the 90s. I’ve never heard that. And I wasn’t even on drugs in the 90s. The primary guest (the guy who’s footing the bill), Steve, is already rip-roaring drunk and in the “I love all you guys” phase. Hope he doesn’t go into weepy before they get to the foam. Won’t they be slipping in foam? Okay, there are glow sticks involved. Those I know about.

OMG THE FOOD!!!

Oh Lord, Steve says this has been his dream. I’m sorry. This is possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen. Now he’s hitting on the 2nd Stew. Yep, we should be getting to weepy or sleepy at any moment.

From the previews, it looks like Chef Ben is coming back.

OMG THE FOOD!!!

My Fab 40th

How can celebrating a 40th birthday be a series? I guess I’ll find out.

Well, we’re halfway through, and I’ll probably stick it out, but…rich people’s problems.