What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

While Spinelli is on the phone, trying to get info about Claudette, Nathan comes back to the apartment. Nathan asks why Spinelli looks guilty. Spinelli says Nathan reeks of culpability for what he did. When Nathan asks what Maxie told Spinelli, Spinelli says, everything.

Maxie asks Griff for help. He tells her she’d be better off talking with friends or family, but she says she needs someone objective. She tells him about how Nathan walked in on Claudette and her lover and shot him. Griff says it sound like he acted in the heat of the moment, not in cold blood.

Jason meets with Sam. She says the prayer service was sad and it was all she could do not to tell everyone that Nicholas is tricking them. She also relays Dante’s message, that he’s grateful to Jason for saving his life. She asks if he found proof Nicholas is still alive.

Hayden tells Naomi she’s convinced Nicholas is gone.

Alexis tells Julian she’s going to just leave and he can explain it to everyone. He tells her to act normal for Lucas’s sake. Lucas enters with Carly, Bobbie and Brad.

Spinelli tells Nathan that Maxie deserves better. He says she’s glacial to give her trust and acts shallow to keep people at arm’s length. He says she invested her heart and made herself vulnerable to Nathan and he shattered her fragile trust. Nathan says he realizes all that, but wonders how Spinelli just showed up at this particular time.

Jason tells Sam about overhearing Spencer and Emma, and says he thinks Spencer knows Nicholas is alive. Sam wonders if she should talk to Spencer, but Jason says no. Jason thinks maybe Nicholas needs them. He remembers how Nicholas saved his life during the hotel fire and wonders how he fell so far. Sam says they have to find him.

Brad and Lucas thank Alexis and Julian for letting them have the wedding in their home. Lucas says that Julian and Alexis are a shining example of a solid couple. How he can’t sense the tension between them, I have no clue. Carly asks Alexis why she’s upset and if hypocrisy is weighing her down. I hate when Carly does this stuff. I mean, is this really appropriate right now? And who is she to talk? Like I’m so sure she’s never covered for Sonny.

Ava tells Julian that the cops came to see her and they’re looking at him for Carrrlos’s murder. He says there’s a loose end he can’t control and Ava asks if it’s Alexis. Ava asks what Alexis has on him, but Julian says the less she knows the better and he’s sorry he brought her into it.

Spinelli says his visit has nothing to do with what’s up with Maxie. Nathan says he hasn’t forgotten how Spinelli tried to break them up. Spinelli says Maxie might have been better off with him, but he and Ellie are solid. He tells Nathan to shape up or he’ll have to answer to him. Spinelli leaves and Nathan gets a call.

Griff says Nathan’s actions don’t sound premeditated. Maxie asks if he’s making excuses for Nathan.

Hayden tells Naomi that as much as they fought, what she and Nicholas had was real. She shows Naomi the picture that Nicholas sent of the diamonds. She says if she’d just decided to come home, Nicholas might still be alive.

Jason shows Sam a paper he found at Windemere from someone who does fake passports, but even better, he scored Nicolas’s laptop. Really? He wouldn’t have taken that?

Naomi talks about selling the diamonds, but Hayden says they’re gone. She says the Feds searched the hosue and all they found was the inventory. In true soap timing, two agents show up saying Hayden’s fingerprints are on the inventory.

Sam can’t get into Nicholas’s laptop, but Spinelli shows up just in time. He just goes from house to house, fixing stuff. Jason tells him that he’s regained a lot of his memory and he remembers his friend now. Spinelli is thrilled and says he missed him. Jason says ditto and Spinelli hugs Sam because hugging Jason is to awkward.

Maxie says she doesn’t know if she can let it go. Griff says everyone involved was in the wrong and Nathan had the gun on him; it’s not like he went out and got it. Maxie says Nathan isn’t the man she thought he was, but Griff asks if he isn’t still a good man, and adds he must be tortured by what he did. He says one mistake doesn’t define you and if it did, he’d be hiding in a cave. Maxie asks what mistake Griff made.

Julian suggests Ava leave the country. She says she has a piece of art that might be advantageous to show overseas. Because there’s no internet. She tells Julian to enjoy the wedding and good luck with Alexis.

I guess Lucy isn’t around because some stranger comes to marry Lucas and Brad. Julian tells them to get married before something else goes wrong. As they’re about to say their vows, there’s a knock at the door. It’s Nathan with another officer. Nathan apologizes for the interruption, but says he has a search warrant.

Griff tells Maxie he saves his confessions for church. Maxie wonders what happened to the guy Nathan shot. Griff says maybe he had his own problems, or it took a bullet to make him realize his wrongs and he felt just as bad as Nathan .

Julian tells them Alexis is representing him and she asks to see the warrant. Nathan goes upstairs while the officer keeps an eye on Julian. The wedding continues. Nathan and Brad have written their own vows.

Sam points Spinelli to the laptop. He says the hard drive has been wiped clean. Jason asks if he can do something and he says nothing is ever truly deleted and he’s been working on a recovery program.

The agent says they’ll have to take Hayden in. Naomi steps up and says she’s the one who blew the whistle on her husband, so they know they can trust her. She says that of course Hayden’s fingerprints are on the inventory. Before she discovered her husband’s ponzi scheme, she was updating their insurance on their assets. She goes down Memory Lane and says she asked Hayden to enter the inventory into a computer, and that’s why her fingerprints are on it. She says she has no idea what happened to the necklace and suggests either her husband hid it or an agent absconded with it. The agent bristles at that, but Naomi is like, come on, it’s not unheard of. She says there’s no evidence to support either scenario and her daughter is as innocent as the clients were. She says Hayden also just lost her husband, so back off.

Spinelli says it’s glorious to see Jason and Sam back together.The computer makes a bugle call sound like at the start of a race and the information pops up. Nicholas was planning to get away on a shipping vessel.

Ava calls Sonny from the plane and tells him she’s leaving town on business. She asks if Avery is awake and asks Sonny to put her near the phone.

Nathan comes down from upstairs. He starts to look through the living room. Alexis looks at Julian and looks away when he catches her.

The wedding vows continue. Brad and Lucas exchange rings. They kiss, confetti is thrown, and a champagne toast is made. Finally. The guys say thanks for letting them have the wedding there and the party breaks up. Julian and Alexis are left alone with Nathan and the officer. Nathan shows them the dagger.

Maxie admits that if she was defined by all the mistakes she made, no one would love her, and if there was no forgiveness, she’d be in the cave with Griff. She says Nathan is not that person with the gun, and she loves him. She says whatever is making Griff so sad, he’s not that person either.

The agent tells Hayden she might have her mother snowed, but not them and they’ll be back. Hayden asks her mother what the catch is. She says when she locates the diamonds, to remember what her mother did for her. She has to leave to attend her prison wives therapy group and asks Hayden if she’ll be okay by herself. She says she can see that Hayden really loved Nicholas and she’s truly sorry for her loss. She tells Hayden to give herself time to grieve.

Spinelli says there are three possible choices as to where Nicholas went and he bookmarked them. He has to leave and gets all happy again about Sam and Jason being together. Sam says she can’t believe Nicholas left, allowing his family to grieve and Jason to take the rap. There’s a knock at the door.

Nicholas is seated next to Ava on the plane.

Tomorrow, Nathan has found the murder weapon, a guy on the plane recognizes Nicholas, and Andre can’t side with…someone.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Another chapter in the soap opera that is Leeanne.

We start off with the usual topic – poop – but this time it’s Travis wanting the dog picked up after. He and Stephanie discuss the Brian Nelson party – whatever that is. She suggests they remove “the nekkid girl,” who was there last year, from the guest list. Travis asks if Leeanne is coming and says people he works with are coming, so she can’t act crazy. Stephanie says she’ll take responsibility. Travis brings out the dreaded list and Stephanie says she can do it herself. She says if she can handle a birthday party, she can handle other stuff and doesn’t want any more lists. Travis agrees, but wants her to make sure that dog poop is picked up. Hmm…have Brandi or Leeanne been visiting the backyard?

Tiffany and Leeanne go to the gym. Leeanne says Tiffany has a 12-pack while she has a keg. Tiffany is house hunting again and Aaron is actually interested. The House of Blues gig has already led to some other things. Leeanne is still freaked at her own behavior in Austin. She says she’s a fun person until she’s not. Okay… They talk about the upcoming party and Tiffany isn’t looking forward to seeing Marie, who she thinks should own up to spreading the Leeanne crapping-her-pants story. Leeanne isn’t looking forward to seeing Cary. Tiffany suggests they skip it, but Leeanne says they’ll think she’s hiding after her display of temper.

Mark tells Cary that she’s out of Grey Goose and wonders if she had the gays over again. Ha-ha! They discuss getting out of town. Cary isn’t looking forward to the event either. She tells Mark about Leeanne spreading rumors that she’s a homewrecker. She says no one stands up to Leeanne because she’s a bully, and since she did, Leeanne is gunning for her.Mark shows her some pictures of fabulous over-priced houses in Switzerland. Cary suggests they stay in a hotel and meet with a realtor. Mark agrees.

Brandi and Bryan are getting the kids ready to go to Stephanie’s Brian Nelson party. (Who the blip is that anyway?) Brandi is happy that she and Bryan were able to communicate and Bryan realized he hasn’t been there for her the way he should be.

Cortney, Tiffany’s friend and realtor, shows her and Aaron a super modern looking home. he backyard is a little disappointing and there are a lot of construction noises. Aaron is concerned about interference with his recording and Tiffany suggests a studio. The realtor says they should get in before the neighborhood blows up. She says there’s another interested couple and they should move quickly. Aaron wonders how he can be in Nashville and in Dallas with Tiffany at the same time, but he wants to try with the Dallas thing. This is blowing my mind – a man who cares enough about his woman to change locations for her. A professional artist no less.

Brandi and family go bowling. Bryan talks to Brandi about wanting to get together with family on the 4th of July. In her interview, Brandi says that when Bryan got a clue, he decided he’d like their little girls to want to marry a man like him. Aww! Bryan has definitely improved.

It’s the day before the party and Brandi goes to Stephanie’s place to help with doody duty. They chat about Leeanne. Stephanie thinks all of the women have something on each other, and that Marie and Leeanne have an unhealthy relationship. Brandi says she’s glad to have a normal best friend and they jump on the trampoline.

Leeanne rehashes the Grace Project speech with Rich. She’s thinking of turning speaking into a career and is meeting with someone about it. Rich thinks she’s good at it and inspires many women. Yeah, when she’s not threatening them. She tells Rich it bothers her that she can bring her old anger to the surface so easily. She says she’d love to bury it, but it’s still a part of her and snowballs fast. She says it makes her flash back to being abandoned. She says she has to work one it. That’s nice and all, but as Dr. Phil would say, how’s that workin’ for ya? She needs therapy. Professional therapy.

Leeanne meets with Jeff Crilley, who works with speakers. They discuss her story and she says the fact that she’s even still alive is a miracle. She also wants to write her memoir, Designed to Shine, the title coming from something her grandmother used to say. Jeff tells her she doesn’t need a book and another staff member says it sounds like she’s still going through the healing process. In her interview, Leeanne says that just because she’s telling her story doesn’t mean she’s still there, and if she inspires and helps others, her story and life will have purpose. I’m floored that a total stranger picked up on something here. Leeanne might not still “be there,” but she reacts to things as though she is. Jeff discusses the monetary side, and says if they do their job right, eventually she can make a whole lot of cash.

Stephanie wants to discuss coordinating outfits for the party, but Bryan wants to run down his mental list. Stephanie is very on top of things, even without a list. She tells him you can lick the grass, it’s so clean.

Cary says the Brian Nelson party is a big social gala event. Okay, so I know that much now. Sigh. She discusses Leeanne with her hairdresser.

There are hundreds of people at the party. And lots of drinking. Leeanne feels she needs to show everyone she’s not the horrible person she was in Austin. Stephanie says she’s surprised to see Leeanne and should have uninvited her. In her interview, Cary says Marie is terrified of Leeanne, but wants to pretend like nothing happened. She and Stephanie discuss Leeanne spreading rumors about Cary. Cary says she wishes Leeanne would just say something to her face.

Cary tells Tiffany that Leeanne won’t even make eye contact. She says that Leeanne can’t be both a victim and a bully. Tiffany says that Leeanne isn’t being a bully just to be a bully, but it’s a reaction to things from her childhood. In her interview, Cary says that Tiffany is cool one on one, but when she’s with Leeanne, she’s like Leeanne’s lap dog.

More drinking. Some eating, but more drinking than eating. Tiffany is annoyed that Marie is having a good time with the other girls. She wants Marie to tell the truth about repeating the poopy Leeanne story. Marie says she didn’t repeat the story, and Tiffany says she’s lying. In her interview, Leeanne says this is the wrong place to be doing this and for once, we’re in agreement. Cary asks to talk to Leeanne.

Leeanne says she gets that Cary doesn’t approve of her and Cary says she can’t say anything without Leeanne turning it around somehow. She says Leeanne hasn’t been honest with her. Leeanne says she feels like Cary is manipulating the other girls to gang up on her. She says something in Cary doesn’t like her and she’s okay with that. Cary says one minute Leeanne plays the victim and the next she’s a bully. In her interview Cary says everyone has gone through things when they were younger, but that doesn’t give anyone an excuse for being an a-hole as an adult. As usual, Leeanne trashes Cary’s character and runs away, with Cary telling her she’s full of it. I wish she would have brought up Leeanne spreading those rumors, since I’d like to hear Leeanne’s response to that.

Leeanne runs back to Tiffany. In her interview, Tiffany says she left LA to get away from the crazies and ended up in a hotbed of other crazies, but she goes home with Aaron, so it’s all good.

This is the finale. Leeanne has gone to anger management. Good. And Rich still hasn’t proposed. Good.

Stephanie an Brandi jump in the pool with their clothing on.

It should be one helluva reunion.I see from the commercials that Andy will be donning his glasses for the occasion.

Southern Charm

Whitney introduces Patricia to her Pug granddog, Chauncey. This is all Whitney will ever have going for him – a really, really cute dog.

Craig visits Kathryn and sees baby Julien. Kathryn tells Craig that something is clicking with her and Thomas (bleh).

Thomas meets JD (who is apparently bucking for a permanent spot on the show) for lunch. Thomas felt the paternity talk at his shower wasn’t appropriate. He adds that Kathryn is doing a 180 and being the sweet Kathryn he loves. He’s going to have a baby unveiling at his house. JD asks if he’s inviting Whitney and Patricia and Thomas says no, but he is going to invite Landon.

Landon and her sister are having coconut soup, which makes my stomach flip, but it’s Landon’s favorite. Landon also makes my stomach flip. Her sister is worried about Landon’s lack of stability. Landon says both of her sisters have a lot going on and she’s floundering. She lets slip about confessing her love for Shep. Her sister suggests that Landon and Shep get drunk and have sex.

Shep tells Cameran about Landon’s confession. He says he was speechless. Cameran asks if he’s attracted to Landon. He says they made out once when she first came back to Charleston. He asks if they should give it a shot and Cameran says they should. I would only tell Shep this if I hated him.

Thomas (bleh) visits Kathryn and the kids. He does seem like a good father. In his interview, he says they’re not in a traditional marriage, but it’s times like this when he thinks it could work out. He tells her that he scratched Whitney and Patricia from the party list and she thanks him. She asks why he’s inviting Landon though, since he said he doesn’t want unsupportive people there. In his interview, Thomas says Landon has a million dollar smile, but I call it vapidity. Thomas asks Kathryn to be the bigger person, but Kathryn says she doesn’t want to go if Landon’s there.

Thomas (bleh) threatens to cancel the dinner. He wants to leave and Kathryn says no, they need to talk it out, so he climbs out the window. I’m not kidding. Not wanting to fall into old patterns, Kathryn decides to be the voice of reason and tells Thomas that it’s okay, he can invite Landon. He comes back in the window, and she tells him just make sure to have her back in case anything happens and he says that sounds fair. In her interview, Kathryn says she doesn’t want to lose the relationship she’s waited so long for. And now we know why Thomas is such a good father. He’s a child.

Cameran stops by Craig’s place and tells him about seeing a therapist regarding not wanting kids. She says before they got serious, she let her husband know that it wasn’t something she was interested in. They discuss going to Thomas’s party. Craig thinks Kathryn has changed for the better. Cameran agrees the party might be a good test to see if Thomas and Kathryn can behave like normal people.

Cooper and Kathryn go shopping. Jennifer calls and asks if Kathryn is going to be around this weekend and Kathryn makes excuses. She tells Jennifer she’ll call her back. Cooper asks what’s up with that and Kathryn says she’s been rethinking the Jennifer friendship.

Landon visits Patricia. I swear Landon can talk without her smile moving. It’s the weirdest thing and possibly a pageant talent. She tells Patricia about professing her love to Shep and how he just laughed. Patricia says no man is worth crying over and to move on. She suggests Landon turn up her look a notch. She also suggests Thomas as an alternative, but even Landon is smart enough to know that’s a bad idea.

Shep and his mother have lunch. Shep says in comparison to his siblings, he’s treading water. They talk about Shep’s romantic life and what he’s looking for. His mom says the older he gets, the more likely he’ll be to find the right person. Shep says he doesn’t want to disappoint everyone. He tells her about Landon and puts his head in his hands. Ha-ha! He thinks either it happens in the beginning or it doesn’t happen. His mom says sometimes it does happen later. He says Landon has a lot of great qualities, but she can be a pit bull. His mom is pretty chill about the whole thing and says things will happen when they happen. Lots of happenings.

Thomas (bleh) gets ready for his party. In her interview, Landon says she’s excited for Shep to see her all dressed up. Well, I can’t believe that has never happened before. In her interview, Kathryn says despite all the friction, no matter how the rest behave, she’s going to be on point.

Hors d’oeuvres are passed and JD asks for a house tour. I will give Thomas this, he had a beautiful job done with the house and I love that he didn’t modernize it too much. Kathryn grits her teeth when Landon comes in and I don’t blame her, hearing that screechy voice. In his interview, Shep says he refuses to have an awkward moment and in hers, Landon says she doesn’t know what to do. Cooper suggests Kathryn play hostess and break the ice with Landon.

Thomas seats everyone for dinner. Cooper is the poor man’s Truman Capote, the way he’s skulking around, practically taking notes. Thomas thanks them for coming and for being supportive. He says it wouldn’t be a true Ravenel dinner without some words of wisdom from the host. Wait for it…

He talks like he’s reading The Charge of the Light Brigade, and says he wants to offer words of wisdom to each of them. He tells Kathryn he’s proud of her and optimistic about the future. He tells Cameran she reminds him of his self-righteous, sanctimonious sisters. Cameran asks why he even wants her there and Craig needs a dictionary because he doesn’t know what the big words mean. Thomas tells Craig to just be real and stop being what he’s not. He suggests Shep take a look at Cameran and compares it to cleaning up a rusty something-or-other. What? He tells Landon she’s been catty and disrespectful to Kathryn and immediately Landon whines that she tried to be Kathryn’s friend. Kathryn feels vindicated, and Craig tells Thomas to be gentle. Thomas says he’d like them to be friends and Shep says it’s his fault more than anyone else’s. Thomas replies, asking Shep how much money he gets from his mommy for allowance and gets all kinds of insulting. Then he yells that he’s being attacked and tells everyone to get out. He asks Shep if he wants to step outside.

Well, bless Thomas’s heart. Isn’t he the fireball tonight.

Thomas says Shep can’t take the competition, but Shep says he doesn’t have to, because Thomas is the lesser man. On the patio, JD says he takes this as a stand for Kathryn. Cooper tries to get Thomas to settle down and Thomas tells everyone to get out again. Landon says she’s been a good friend to Thomas and Kathryn tells her she hasn’t. The group all squeezes into a golf cart. Thomas tells them to get off his property. He goes out to the street, hurling more insults at them, while Cooper continues to try and calm him down.

Next time – the finale – the group discusses the evening, Shep and Landon discuss possibilities, Craig tells Naomie he hasn’t been truthful, the Founders Ball happens, Kathryn says Thomas should ditch Landon, and Kathryn and Landon have it out. It’s going to be a busy night.

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Jason doesn’t think there was a body. Sam says they saw Nicholas on the rocks, but Jason says not really. He thinks it was a set-up. Sam says the first question is why and wonders if it has to do with the financial situation. Jason nixes that. Sam says what would Nicholas be running from, but Jason says not what, who?

Jordan sends out the cops to bring Jason in.

Dr. Mays asks Lucas if he knows what happened to him. Lucas says someone tried to kill him. Jordan comes to Lucas’s room and Obrecht says he was just about to tell them what he remembers. He says he brought Bobbie to the hospital and Dr. Finn treated her for vertigo. He says he was leaving, but forgot his car keys. When he came back into Bobbie’s room, someone was standing over her with a syringe. When he asked what they were doing, they turned and attacked him. The next thing he remembers, Brad was talking to him and waking him up. When Jordan asks for a description, Lucas says it was a doctor. Jordan asks which one.

Maxie wants Nathan to rest, but he says he wants to talk. He says it’s time he made a full confession. Maxie asks if he cheated on her or got someone pregnant. He says he loves her and there’s no one else, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked her to marry him. She says how serious can it be; it’s not like he killed someone, but Nathan is like, um….

Hayden introduces her mother, Naomi, to jackass Elizabeth. Hayden says they can stay and chat, but she’s out of there. Elizabeth says don’t bother, she’s leaving.

Lucas tells Jordan it’s fuzzy and she says to picture it in his mind. He says it was dark and the lights were off, but he assumed it was a doctor because of the white lab coat. She asks about their hair and he says they were wearing a cap and mask and it could have been anybody. Well, that narrows it down.

Franco tells Elizabeth he left her a message. He asks if Jason told her not to talk to him, but Elizabeth says Jason doesn’t tell her what to do. She says she’s just overwhelmed.

Hayden asks how Naomi found her. Naomi says a mother knows and Hayden asks where she was when Hyden was in a coma? Glossing over that, Naomi says she came because she heard about Nicholas’s accident and everything will be okay because she’s there now. Hayden says nothing will ever be okay.

Jason says staging his death wouldn’t solve Nicholas’s financial problems, but it might solve his legal ones.

Maxie asks Nathan who he killed. He says he’s not sure if he even hit them, but he shot at someone. (Griff?) She asks if it was when he was a cop in New York and he says yes, but he wasn’t on duty. He says it’s time she knew the whole story about Claudette, and Maxie asks if that’s who he shot.

Monica tells Lucas he’s pushing himself too hard and she wants everyone out now.

Nathan says he shot Claudette’s lover. He says at the time, he was drinking a lot. One night when he was supposed to be at work, he came home and found her in bed with someone. He says he shot blindly and then passed out. When he came to, the guy was gone, and Claudette wouldn’t tell him what happened or who it was. He says he looked for the guy, but never found him, although he might have ended up in prison if he had.

Jordan wants a list of who was working the night Lucas came in. Obrecht suggests she focus on the staff with unsavory histories, starting with Finn.

Naomi says she’s not responsible for Hayden’s father going to prison, he is. She says if she hadn’t turned him in, the both of them might be paying for his crimes. She says she did what had to be done, but the little girl in Hayden doesn’t want to blame her father. She says Hayden might feel differently if she knew the whole truth.

Jason says the door at Windemere was closed when he arrived and just after he called out to Nicholas, he heard the noises. When he got to Nicholas’s bedroom, he heard the crash. Sam says that’s when she came in. Jason says Nicholas staged the room and then broke the window so it looked like he was pushed, but how did he get out? Sam says even if he used a secret passageway, he wouldn’t have had enough time to get downstairs and onto the rocks. Jason says maybe he didn’t have to.

Finn says Obrecht is crossing the line. Mays asks if she has proof. She says the proof is in Dr. Jones and there’s evidence of a pattern. Mays suggests they go back over the patient deaths, perhaps for years. Jordan asks if she can talk to Finn later and he says of course. Monica tells Jordan she has the cooperation of the complete staff. Jordan tells her about the warrant issued for Jason’s arrest.

Sam tells Jason they saw the body, but he says they were too far away to really know what they saw. He explains how Nicholas could have set all that up first, and while he made his escape through a passageways, they saw what he wanted them to see, and then removed the “body” while they were running downstairs. He says Nicholas might have been setting up someone else.

Naomi says Hayden’s father made his own choices and they were collateral damage. She says they’ve been bled dry and Hayden says that’s what she’s been telling the Feds but they won’t leave her alone. Naomi says to let her help and perhaps in return, Hayden could help her. She’s trying to track down her diamond necklace.

Elizabeth gets nasty with Obrecht and Franco steers her away. Elizabeth thinks Hayden has something to do with Nicholas’s disappearance, but she doesn’t know what. He says if Hayden is looking to get a rival, she’s come to the right place.

Maxie says it makes sense why she couldn’t track down Claudette; she’s hiding from Nathan. Nathan says he hated himself for lying to her, but they can find a way past it. Maxie isn’t too sure about that. She says she’s done her share of lying in the past, but he knew that about her. She says she always saw him one way and now he’s turned out to be someone completely different.

Nathan says he’s still the same guy. She says the guy she met never would have lied to her. She says it took a while for her to trust him and now this.

Naomi says she loves Hayden, but she wants her fair share of the asset that’s left. Hayden says she should have called first, since she doesn’t know where it is. Naomi tells Hayden she knows about Nicholas selling the diamond, and Hayden says now he’s gone and so are they. Naomi says she’s lying and Hayden says between Naomi and Elizabeth Webber, she’s had enough today. Naomi recognizes Elizabeth’s name.

Franco says Elizabeth needs to get away and she asks what he has in mind.

Sam wonders if Hayden is involved. Monica calls Jason, telling him there’s a warrant out for his arrest. He relays that to Sam.

Monica wants to talk to Finn and asks him flat out if he has a drug problem. He says no. She says it’s in both their interests that he be exonerated and she asks him to take a drug test.

Nathan tells Brad he’s sorry he missed the wedding and Brad says he’s just glad Nathan is okay and they’ll get married one way or another.

Mays asks Obrecht how sure she is about Finn. She says she’s sure he can’t be trusted and it takes a secret keeper to know one.

Monica tells Finn she stuck her neck out for him and take the test so they can move on.

Jason says the cops will expect him to run, so they’re better off where they are for now. He breaks out some scotch and Sam looks for dominoes. Jason remembers them drinking tequila and him winning at a game. She says he remembers the winning part wrong.

Franco says he just wants to help Elizabeth and she says she believes that, but she doesn’t want any more complications in her life right now. She says Nicholas was her true friend. Franco says she can’t see it right now, but she’s wrong.

Naomi says Elizabeth’s name sounds familiar. She says first thing tomorrow, they’ll search the house for the diamonds. For tonight she’s staying at the MetroCourt because the government didn’t take away her points.

Maxie wonders what happens if Nathan’s past catches up with him. She says she needs to sort things out and she’s going to her parents’ house for the night.

Tomorrow, Nathan asks Maxie if they’re still together, Diane tells Alexis to turn Julian in, and Julian suggests silencing Sonny permanently.

Southern Charm

It’s weird how a lot of these houses that look like they have old world charm from the outside, manage to look so modern on the inside. Craig visits his old boss, Frank. He brings Frank up to speed on what he’s been doing, and Frank says Craig went to law school for three years so what’s up with that? Craig says that’s why he’s here; he wants to know if it’s too late. Frank says if in all this time, he hasn’t taken the bar, he’ll have a hard time convincing anyone he’s really interested in a law career. Frank tells him to pass the bar and he’ll set Craig on the right path to be a successful lawyer.

Shep meets Bailey (of the surfboard painting) for lunch. He asks what’s up with her flirting with him. She says she cares about him, but he doesn’t seem interested in commitment, so she’s just interested in him as a friend. I hear the whistle of the bomb drop in the background.

Cameran visits her mother. She tells her mom about Shep assisting her in real estate and that she isn’t sure it’s such a great idea. She says she also saw a therapist about her negativity toward having children. Her mother says that if she feels that terrible about having them, maybe she shouldn’t have them, and there’s nothing wrong with that. She says any fool can have a baby, and not to do what society is telling her to do. She tells Cameran to get a dog. Cameran jokes that without spending it on kids, she’ll have enough money to put her mom in a nice home when the time comes.

Shep meets Cameran at the property they’re showing. It’s a house from 1915 and I’m in love. Shep makes a few faux pas, but none of it seems that bad to me. It’s certainly nothing that would make or break a sale. Afterward, Cameran is annoyed that Shep didn’t put more effort into educating himself about the house, and fires him.

Thomas and Kathryn bring new baby, St. Julien, home. So as not to be confused with the West/Kardashian baby, they’re calling him Julien. (I made up that first part) JD and Shep wait for Thomas at a bar. JD has brought fancy cigars.Thomas arrives and shows everyone a picture of Julien. Thomas says they’ve decided on no circumcision. Um…that probably isn’t a good idea. As Shep puts it, locker rooms can be tough. He makes a toast to Julien, “future leader of this great country and the world.” JD calls for more shots. I’d like one too, please.

Whitney and Shep meet for lunch. All anyone does in this town is eat and drink, and drink. Shep tells Whitney he screwed up with Bailey. In his interview, Whitney says he doesn’t think Shep has ever been in love. Whitney tells him there comes a time when you want stability and the dating world gets old. Shep doesn’t think chasing women ever gets old, but he’s not that old – he’s ten years younger than Whitney – so I don’t think this is so awful.

Nanny Dawn is trying to put together a piece of baby furniture – another constant, at least at Kathryn’s house. Dawn asks Kathryn how Thomas reacted to the baby. Kathryn says he’s thrilled to have a son, and even suggested taking a pass on going out with JD, but she encouraged him to go. She says she feels happy for the first time in a long time and is hoping her hormones stay in check.

Shep calls Landon (bleh). He’s in the neighborhood and wants to stop by. In her interview, she says she feels “vulnerable” around Shep (ugh!). They’ve been friends for so long, she’s afraid to cross the line. They have wine and make small talk. He tells her that things didn’t work out with Bailey. Landon says she felt a little jealous about him getting serious with her. When he asks why, she says because maybe she loves him. Brilliant. Shep is astonished and isn’t sure what to say, so he just says, why? Landon says she’s loved him for a long time and he must have known. Shep says he feels badly and he didn’t know. Oh man, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry here. Shep is incredibly uncomfortable, but Landon is such an idiot and I can’t stand her, so there’s some satisfaction in her making this incredibly stupid move. Shep leaves because what else can he do?

Landon claims she’s trying to get out of her comfort zone and says she usually gets what she wants. Well, not that time. She visits that media guy, who I guess has a house in Charleston. She shows him a sort of look-book. He says he thought she’d be further along technologically, like something on an iPad, not handing him a bunch of papers. He says any serious investor is going to want to see a website and at this point, he can’t connect her with investors because they’d laugh her out of the room. This woman is definitely a legend in her own mind type.

Thomas goes over to Kathryn’s place. As much of an idiot as he is, he does seem to be good with the kids. He asks Kathryn if she’s ready for a third one and she says she’s ready for a ring. In his interview, he says he’d marry her in a second if it could always be like that. Dude, no life is always like that. She says they had a period where they weren’t communicating and the involvement of other people didn’t help. Thomas thinks Jennifer wasn’t helping any either. He says she’s not a healthy person to have around him, whatever that means. In her interview, Kathryn says even though she thinks Jennifer cares about her, her relationship with Thomas is more important. They hug.

Patricia has brought in a chef for her dinner honoring the new baby. She says if left to her own devices, it would just be Vienna sausages and martinis. I guess this is like a baby shower for guys. That’s one way around inviting Kathryn.

Dinner is served. With placecards and everything. There isn’t one of these shows where I don’t rave about the food, so considered it raved over. They talk about the Founder’s Ball, which is apparently some recently made up thing. They talk about Craig working for JD like Craig isn’t there. Shep drops the bomb that Landon told him she’s in love with him. Patricia thinks it’s worth checking out, but Shep says they hooked up once and Landon decided once was enough. To change the subject, Shep makes a toast to Patricia for hosting them.

They go to the sitting room for after dinner drinks. JD asks Thomas if he’s going to do a paternity test. Thomas says they did one, but it was inconclusive. Craig basically tells Thomas that he’s gullible. With the first baby, Kathryn had briefly dated someone else, but Kelsie is definitely his. Patricia stirs the pot by saying Kathryn is no stranger to lying.

Next time, Craig says Kathryn deserves a second chance, Thomas has a dinner party, and Thomas tells everyone off – we’re back where we started in the first episode. Looks good.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Austin road trip! Travis and Bryan built a house there together, so it’s shared between the couples. Brandi didn’t consult with Stephanie before inviting all the girls, but Stephanie is a good sport about it. It must be universal that when a woman packs for a weekend, she brings enough stuff for a month. The first night, they’ll have a private chef and the next, they’re going out after a spa day. The husbands are on kid duty.

The drinking starts on the bus. Stephanie has to pee, and goes in a cup. You mean to tell me all the money these women have and they couldn’t get something with a bathroom in it? When Leeanne says it’s disgusting, the topic of her pooping her pants comes up. Touche…I guess.

They get to the house and do more drinking. Tiffany breaks a glass, so it’s officially a party. Leeanne and a couple of the other girls lounge by the pool and Leeanne is beyond upset that Marie passed along the poop story. In her interview, Leeanne explains that it had been her birthday and she’d taken a bunch of laxatives to “get skinny,” and they literally backfired when she got drunk. I think these Wives officially get the TMI award now. Does Bravo have one of those?

Commercial break with important information. The Orange County Uncensored special airs next Monay (June 13) at 9 pm.

Colin the chef arrives. Stephanie says she can’t be trusted in the kitchen, especially since she once gave Bryan some tea she accidentally made out of potpourri and he ended up in the hospital. Sure it was a mistake. Leeanne is still furious with Marie, but doesn’t want it to ruin everyone’s time. Brandi thanks Tiffany for the song Aaron dedicated to her brother at House of Blues, which brings everyone back to reality. Leeanne says Rich has PTSD after losing someone he tried to save as a police officer.

Uh-oh. Fireball shots. That stuff will clear out your sinuses. Amazing food appears! And amazing wine in amazing wine glasses. Leeanne talks about how when her grandmother took her in as a child, it was the first time she’d felt wanted . Brandi is feeling like she misjudged Leeanne. They talk about trust issues and Cary says she’s felt judged by Leeanne. I appreciate where Leeanne is coming from, but I still think she needs therapy for dealing with her communication skills.

Drunk Brandi struggles with opening a bottle of wine and Leeanne comes to the rescue. Chef Coli leaves and Brandi demonstrates a cheerleading move on the dining table. Another glass gets broken and Brandi falls off of her chair when she puts a rose between her toes and pretends it’s talking to the bottle. I’m not making this up.

The next morning, Brandi says she woke up to Leeanne screaming. Cary says she overheard her telling Marie she was going to slaughter her. Stephanie heard her saying she was gong  to get her carny side on, whatever that means. Tiffany thinks Leeanne should talk to Marie, but Leeanne says Marie doesn’t want to talk. Well, yeah, she obviously feels threatened and you’re following her around. Brandi is freaked because she wanted to like Leeanne.

Leeanne approaches Marie, who keeps denying she passed along the story. Tiffany asks how Cooper would have known then. Marie says Leeanne is way out of line in the way she talks about violence against people who cross her. By now, the other girls are at the table and agree that Leeanne was being abusive. Once again in her interview, Leeanne says that’s not how she want to be. Well, don’t be that then. Leeanne apologizes to everyone. Stephanie says as a social worker, she wouldn’t even have let her clients talk to her like that. Cary says she was definitely threatening and Leeanne says kill means something different to her and this is between her and Marie.

Cary asks Marie what she thinks it means and Marie is hesitant. Cary thinks she’s afraid of Leeanne. Tiffany says she doesn’t think it’s okay, but she knows Leeanne doesn’t really mean the things she says in anger. In her interview, Tiffany wonders why no one is pointing out what Marie did to provoke Leeanne in the first place.

Leeanne says she’s calling a cab. Because it’s better to run away than actually face the consequences of her actions. She tells Tiffany that she feels like Cary is judging her and it’s not all right for her to be human, but it’s okay for Cary to have stolen somebody else’s husband, which is a totally appropriate thing to drag in. Tiffany makes her come back in.

Leeanne whines to Brandi about what happened to her as a child. In her interview, Brandi says she gets that this is the way Leeanne behaves when she’s hurt. She says every time Leeanne has an issue, she runs away (thank you), and she should stay and take responsibility for her actions (double thank you). Brandi asks Leeanne to stay.

The girls go to the spa. Cary is glad to get out and move past the drama. She says something isn’t right with Leeanne upstairs. Ya think? Stephanie says Marie is probably used to the abuse.

Leeanne and Marie talk. Marie says she didn’t sleep well. She says that she loves Leeanne unconditionally and knows she was hurt and said things she didn’t mean. Leeanne says she’s disappointed in herself and Marie says she’s sorry. Weird. It’s like an abused wife, apologizing because the husband beat her.

It’s time to go out for the evening. Stephanie says her only hope for their birthday dinner is that no one gets killed. Leeanne barely says a word, sitting silently with a sour face, and Stephanie says that’s how she works – she goes out of her mind and then shuts down. Cary says something that I miss, Leeanne pouts, and Tiffany says Leeanne is being attacked. Somehow the topic of Leeanne’s fit is brought up again and Tiffany claims she didn’t hear anything. Marie says it’s between her and Leeanne, and Tiffany says no one is getting what she’s saying. Brandi excuses herself.In her interview, Brandi says Tiffany is a Leeanne enabler.

Tiffany says she tries to surround herself with people who bring out the best in her, but somehow the worst is being brought out. She tells Stephanie it’s really no one else’s business and Stephanie says don’t bring it in her house then.

Stephanie meets Brandi in the bathroom. Brandi says she’s exhausted and hungover and the situation with Tiffany is ridiculous. So she comes back to the table to drink some more. Carly says she has to “tinkle,” a euphamism I haven’t heard in a long time. Brandi is disappointed at how Leeanne’s behavior gets swept under the rug and says she’ll never change if that continues to happen.

Next time, a huge event is planned, dog poop is found, and Leeanne spreads rumors about Cary who confronts her.