Tag Archives: fantasy

May15

May 14, 2017 – Once Upon a Grand Finale, Atlanta’s Secrets Revealed & Happy Mother’s Day!

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

Once Upon a Time – Two-hour Finale

A guy runs through the forest. He’s being chased by something large. He goes into a cabin, and tells a little girl that she has to run and make sure it stays safe. He says she may be the realm’s only hope to escape the darkness. He tells her that she has to get to safety and share the stories; he’ll stay and fight. She says no one will believe her, but he says someday they will. She leaves, and he draws his sword. Something huge bursts through the door.

In Storybrooke, the Black Fairy’s curse has arrived. Hook wonders where it’s taking them, and Emma says wherever it is, they’ll win.

Henry sits on a roof – alone. He goes down to the street. He sees Archie with Pongo. He asks what the Black Fairy’s curse did, and Archie says he thought they were past all this, and asks if he needs to make an appointment. Henry asks where his mom is, and Archie says the same place she’s been for the last two years.

Emma paints in a class. A nurse comes in and says her son is there for a visit. Yeah, thought so. She’s in a psyche ward. They hug. He says he couldn’t find the rest of their family. She tells him that she’s fought for her progress, and she’s not going down that road again. She says none of them are real, there’s no curse, and it’s just a regular town. Henry tells her that this is how the Black Fairy cursed her, but she says she just wants to get well. She says he tried to prove the stories were real by eating a poisoned apple turnover, and ended up in the hospital, but Henry says that’s not the way it went. The nurse brings Emma’s medication, but Henry doesn’t want her to take it. He shows her the book. She says his mother is going to make him stop visiting if he doesn’t knock it off.

The Black Fairy (Fiona in this realm) approaches. She takes the book, saying that nothing but trouble comes from it. She tells Henry to get to school. He hugs Emma, and whispers in her ear, saying whatever Fiona wants her to do, don’t. He leaves, and Fiona tells Emma to take her medicine. She does.

Everybody else is waking up on a palace floor, dressed in their back-in-the-day outfits. Hook calls for Emma, but Regina says she’s gone. David says it’s their palace. Snow adds that it’s where they got married right before they were cursed. She says curses have never stopped them before.

Archie and Fiona meet with Emma. Fiona says as mayor, she’s concerned about her residents, but Emma says she’s fine. Fiona says Archie’s reports are encouraging, and there may be a release soon. She suggests Emma go back to Boston. She says that she’s not just concerned about Emma’s well-bring, but Henry’s. Emma might be Henry’s biological mother, but now Fiona has a 14-year-old who still believes in fairytales. I guess she’s the Regina of this realm. She says the book has given her an idea. She wants Emma to burn it to show Henry that she doesn’t believe it. Emma says, sorry. She knows the stories are fake, but she doesn’t want to crush Henry. She says she’s not ready, but Fiona says the day will come. Until she’s ready to destroy the book and fantasy world, she’ll stay locked up.

The others watch in a mirror. Regina says the final battle isn’t what they thought it was. Snow says it’s a battle for Emma’s soul and hope. Zelena breezes in with some Munchkins. She escaped Oz with a magic hat. A Munchkin puts it on the ground and beams of light shoot out of it. Zelena pulls back a curtain, but there’s nothing behind it except darkness. Regina says that’s why the Black Fairy wants Emma to destroy the book. As her hope fades, the realms will be erased. Everything starts to shake, and Regina says the realms will be destroyed, along with everything in them.

Fiona visits Gold’s shop. She’s checking to see that everything is as it should be. Gold and Gideon are there. She tells them that she’s brought lunch and a job – her watch has stopped. Gideon takes the lunch in the back, and Gold thanks her. She feels badly for Gideon, and says she’s always concerned when someone has lost their mother. She talks about how sad it is, and says she’ll be back for the watch; she knows she can count on him. She tells him she’s always there to help.

More characters gather at the palace. Aladdin and Jasmine are there. David says the more Emma loses faith, the more realms disappear. Hook thinks he has a theory of where to look for Emma. Regina says what they need is magic; it’s time for her to go to work. Everyone disappears, poof! in some swirls of purple smoke. They appear at Regina’s palace, and she says that she’s getting Henry and Emma back, no matter what it takes.

In her room, Emma does pull-ups with a box spring, a la Sarah Connor in The Terminator. Henry walks in to help her escape. He’s drawn up a plan.

Hook sees a beanstalk in the woods. David shows up, and Hook wonders how David found him. David tells him next time he sneaks off, make sure no Munchkins are around. Apparently, they’re easily bribed. Hook wants to climb the beanstalk and get back to his wife. He says during their first adventure, his motives were less than chivalrous, but they’ve both changed. They fought for their love and won. He has to climb the beanstalk and find the bean. He’s not losing everything because of a bitter fairy. David gets that he’s scared, but tells him to take a deep breath. They’ll climb together.

Henry takes Emma to a roof. He says it’s the last place she saw her family and remembered that she’s the Savior. She says that isn’t real, and he’s not going to convince her that her mother is Snow White. He says she married Captain Hook right here, and she asks if Tinkerbelle officiated. He says no, Jiminy Cricket did. He tries to get her to remember, and she flashes back to kissing Hook at the ceremony. She says she’s been in a mental hospital for years and can’t trust her brain. He says she has to fight. She tells Henry that she doesn’t want to, she just wants to go home to Boston. He says she can’t leave, but she says it’s not forever. He says fine, but it will be safer if she leaves after dark; he knows where Archie keeps the car keys. He says she’s his mom, and he’ll always want to help her; she doesn’t deserve to be locked up. He tells her he’ll be back in an hour, and promises she’ll have the life she always wanted.

Gold looks for something. He pulls out the book that Belle gave to Gideon, Her Handsome Hero. He tells Gideon that he knows it’s not easy to talk about Belle, but she wanted him to have the book. Gideon says that Fiona has been more of a mother to him. Gold asks how much he remembers. Gideon says only what he already told him; she was going to the store, and never came back. Gold says maybe they don’t know the whole story. His mother wouldn’t leave without good reason. Gideon tells him not to rationalize; she didn’t love them, but they don’t need her to have a happy life. He says Gold refuses to see it. Gold says no matter what happened between them, Belle would always want to be part of his life.

Regina stirs a cauldron, while Zelena looks for the ingredients, but they seem to be out of everything. The Evil Queen storms in, and is shocked to find that Regina is back. Regina says, so she’s the one who’s been squatting in her castle. The Evil Queen says she lives there. Everyone there thought she murdered Snow and Charming. After three days of angry villagers, she decided to move into the palace. She says she and Robin turned over a new leaf. Now they steal from rich and give to poor – mostly anyway. Regina says they’re having a bit of a fairy problem.

Fiona finds out that Emma is gone from the hospital.

Henry sneaks around Archie’s office. He finds his story book. Fiona walks in. She tells him that there’s no reason to pretend; they both know she’s not his mother. She says she knows everything. Henry asks what she’s going to do, put him in the crazy house too? She says he’s more useful here. There’s still a speck of belief in Emma that refuses to die off. He says there’s nothing she can do to stop it, and Fiona says there’s something he can do. She zaps him down the stairs, and he lies at the bottom, unconscious.

While watching the ambulance take Henry away, Fiona tells Gold that Henry broke into Archie’s office and tumbled down the stairs. Gold thinks he’s resilient and will be fine. He wants her to reopen the investigation into Belle’s disappearance. She asks why tear open old wounds, and he says they never healed. Gideon needs to know the truth; Belle wouldn’t abandon him for no reason.

Hook and David enter the giant’s castle. The see a humongous dinner table laden with humongous food. Hook says he’s a pirate and has swung from plenty of masts, so he’ll go up. He shimmies up a table leg and wanders among huge sausages and enormous grapes. He sees the bean pod in a display case. He tells David he thinks he found something. He uses a massive knife to smash the glass. He snatches the pod and gets the bean, which is normal-sized, but looks like it’s made of crystal. Everything starts to shake, and Hook says the giant has been woken. A dragon suddenly appears, and starts breathing fire everywhere.

Gold and Fiona sit in her car. Fiona tells Gold she hasn’t been completely honest. She wanted to save them the heartbreak. She shows him pictures of Belle in various vacation spots like she’s that garden gnome. Gold says she wanted to see the world. Fiona says just not with him. She says he’s the one who caused Gideon pain; he couldn’t be the man Belle wanted him to be. She says he can still be the man Gideon needs, and move on. He says it was illuminating, thanks her, and gets out of the car. She looks at the book and finds Henry’s notes, written in runes. She wonders what Henry knows.

Emma visits Henry in the hospital. Fiona says he was trying to steal the book and escape, when he fell down the stairs. Emma says he lied, and he says Fiona is lying – she pushed him. Fiona shows Emma the security footage, asking how she could push him without touching him, but Henry says she used magic. He tells Emma to just touch the book. She takes it, but nothing happens. She says he’s not a kid anymore. It’s not a daring rescue operation. Fiona says what if next time, he breaks his neck instead of his arm? He’s hurting himself to make Emma believe his delusions. Emma says this has to stop. Fiona says she knows what to do. Henry tells Emma to just believe in him. She says believing doesn’t make it true, and he says that’s exactly what it does. He tells her not to go, and that it’s the final battle, but she leaves with Fiona.

David and Hook climb down the beanstalk, but everything starts to shake.

Fiona takes Emma to God knows where, and opens a furnace.

David tells Hook that he thinks they need a bigger boat have a bigger problem than the dragon.

Emma moves toward the furnace. Fiona says go on; only she can save their son. She puts the book in the flames.

The beanstalk sways wildly. The book burns. Emma sees Hook’s picture. The others gather on the palace balcony, while crazy clouds fill the sky. Regina thinks they may be too late. Emma stares at Hook’s picture as it’s consumed by flames.

⚔ Part Two ⚔

The little girl from the beginning walks through the forest with the book. She finds her father’s sword. Tiger Lily appears, and tells her not to cry. She asks where her father is. Tiger Lily doesn’t know, but knows he fought valiantly. She says the book is safe, and they have to bring it to the girl’s mother. Tiger Lily tells her that the future is cloudy, but she and her father will be reunited. She needs to learn the lesson imparted by the book.

Fiona brings Henry the burned book on a food tray like it’s the dead rat in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? She says whatever hope Emma clung to has been destroyed, along with the book. Henry doesn’t believe it completely. He says they won’t let her win. She says that his family won’t exist long enough to save themselves, let alone his mother.

David and Hook cling to the beanstalk. Hook falls. David is next. Snow says something is wrong. Regina asks where, but she doesn’t know. Jasmine says, let’s find them, and calls the magic carpet. They find Hook in the mess of the beanstalk. He says they managed to get it, and shows them the bean. David is nowhere. and Snow says she’ll find him. She tells Hook to get to Emma, and make her believe again.

Emma is ready to leave. Henry asks if this is what she wants. She says this is why she has to go; he believes this nonsense. She says it’s clear now. Coming to Storybrooke wasn’t good for either of them. It sent them on a dangerous path. Henry says the Black Fairy did it; Emma really doesn’t believe. She says there’s nothing to believe, and tells him good-by. She goes off in her VW bug.

Emma arrives back at her old place in Boston. A notebook tumbles out of her tote bag. There’s a note on it from Henry saying that he knows she doesn’t think the story is true, but they can still have a happy ending. Emma gets a call to come back to work. She looks through the book. It’s a new story about how true love broke the curse.

Regina looks at the bean, and it’s turned black. Emma’s lack of belief is sapping the magic from everything. Regina says she doesn’t have enough power to fix it, but Zelena says between her, Regina and the Evil Queen, they can do it.

Snow looks for David in the forest. She finds him under some beanstalk fronds. He seems to be dead, and she cries, saying please no. She kisses him. He opens his eyes. Flashback to the reverse, when he woke her with a kiss. He says she found him, and she asks if he doubted it. He says the beanstalk that fell on him gave him pause. She tells him that darkness never wins; it just pulls you into believing it does. They say I love yous, and David says, let’s go.

Henry goes to Gold’s shop. He starts to go into the back, and Gold says it’s closed to customers. Henry says he’s not a customer, he’s Gold’s grandson. He goes in the back where there’s a potion brewing. Henry says Gold is awake; he knows magic when he sees it. He asks why Gold has been pretending. Gold says he doesn’t trust his mother. He wasn’t supposed to end up like this without Belle; she betrayed him again. He wants to find out her true intentions. He doesn’t believe Belle ran off; the Black Fairy would have kept her for leverage. Henry says he has to help him save their family, then they can find Belle. Gold says that all he cares about is Belle. Henry says at least let him take something that can help.

Henry talks into a mirror, hoping the others can hear him. He says he tried to keep Emma from losing belief, but it wasn’t good enough. That doesn’t mean he’s going on without a fight. He pulls out a sword, and says if no one else can go up against the Black Fairy, he will.

Zelena says the magic is there. David wants everyone to get to safety. Regina sees the Evil Queen going toward a window, and asks what she’s doing. She says that she’s going to hold it off as long as she can. She tells Regina to take the others to the center of the castle, where they should be able to survive. Henry is her son too, and he needs one of them. She zaps purple lightning bolts at the oncoming clouds. Regina gathers everyone and tries to make a purple fire ball, but it’s weak.

Everything starts to crumble. Everyone looks at each other, and for a moment, I think Regina and Zelena are going to kiss. The clouds get bigger, darker, and closer.

Henry goes to the Storybrooke town hall. Emma joins him. She tells him that she found the book he left. She says she’s not sure she’s the Savior, but it’s who she wants to be. She doesn’t remember the crazy stuff he told her, but she believes it.

Everything stops. The group is left on a cliff, only the center of the palace room remaining. Regina asks what happened. Snow says Emma is back.

Her Handsome Hero plops down from the sky in front of a house. Gold goes inside. He calls for Belle. He finds her hiding next to the stove in the kitchen. She says she doesn’t want to leave, and runs into another room. She doesn’t know why he knows her name. He says the Black Fairy changed her, but he promises her that he’ll make the fairy pay.

Fiona comes into Gold’s shop. She tells Gideon that Emma Swan is back. He’s confused, and she says she needs her fairy wand. He wants to call his father, but she says that’s the last thing she needs, and Gideon hangs up the phone. He wonders why he did that when he didn’t want to, and Fiona says she still has his heart; he has to do what she says. She needs the wand to translate Henry’s runes, which hold the key to winning the final battle. Gideon finds the wand. Fiona says it’s been centuries since she felt its power.

She zaps the page of runes, and they decipher. She tells Gideon it’s time to get to work.

Emma wanders around with a sword.

Gold enters his shop. Fiona says she’s there to get her watch. He says, no she’s not, and calls her “mother.” She says she separated him from Belle for his own good. Belle would have convinced him to go against his own dark instincts. When the final battle is over, she can make them love him, even if he’s the Dark One; he can have it all. He says he can’t, and all she cares about is herself. She says she’s worked tirelessly to reunite them. They can be a family again, and not just Belle and Gideon. She’ll be able to bring back the dead – his first son. All his desires can be had. Gold says he must have it all, and they hug. He says there’s just one problem – all magic comes with a price. He flips her around, and holds a dagger to her throat. He says he’s not willing to pay, and she’s going to suffer because of Belle and Gideon. She says she learned that darkness can’t snuff out the light; only light can snuff out light. He says she has Gideon’s heart, and she commanded him to kill the Savior. Not even her death can stop it, and will probably ensure it. Gold says there’s one way to find out. He zaps her, and she turns to dust.

Gold drops the dagger. A wave comes over everything, like when you see heat rising from a highway. At the town hall in regular Storybrooke, Emma remembers everything. Gideon appears, and says just in time, Savior. Emma tells Henry to go.

Belle runs into Gold’s shop. She says the curse is broken, and he tells her that he killed the Black Fairy. She asks where Gideon is. He says still under her control, but Henry might know.

Gideon advances on Emma. Henry bops him in the head with a fire extinguisher. They run, but when Gideon tries to follow, he’s stopped by a spell. Emma says it won’t hold long. She and Henry jet.

Belle and Gold look for Gideon’s heart in a cave. Belle twists her ankle, and she tells him to go ahead.

Back out on the street, Henry says they lost Gideon, but he won’t be far behind. They’re both happy about the curse being broken. The others show up, and Emma tells Hook, some honeymoon.

Gold finds a chest with a heart in it.

Regina says it’s a trap. Either way light will be destroyed. She tells Emma to hold Gideon off until Gold gets his heart. There’s always a third way. She takes Emma aside. She says when she first came to Storybrooke, they hated each other, but she found a third way – they were both Henry’s mother. Today she saw her evil half be selfless. She saved them all, and Regina never saw it coming. She says Emma hasn’t seen it yet, but she will. Emma says it sounds like she’s talking about hope, and Regina says Emma didn’t give up on her. Emma asks what she should do, and Regina says she’ll know when the time comes.

Gideon grabs Snow and holds a knife to her throat. Emma says to let her go, and he does. She circles him. He looks at her like he smelled something bad.

Gold talks to the heart, telling Gideon not to kill Emma. Rumpel appears, and tells him that if Emma dies, he can have it all. They can get everything – love and power. He tells Gold to put the heart down, and let their boy finish his mission. Gold says he won’t betray his family. He’s going to do the right thing; he was destined to be a Savior. Rumpel says in this new world, they’ll change the rules. Gold says that’s not happening, and tells the heart not to kill Emma. The heart turns dark, and Rumpel asks if he thought it would be easy. He might want to do the right thing, but we don’t always get what we want. Mick Jagger sings in my head.

Gideon tells Emma that no one is going to save her. They duel with their swords. She says no one needs to save her; she’s the Savior. She does some nice kick moves. She tells Gideon that ultimately, she’s a hero and light. She won’t kill anything; she’ll give hope – no matter what the cost. She drops the sword. Hook is like, nooo! but the others hold him back. Gideon looks sick. He says he was hoping she’d save them both. He runs the sword through her. Streams and bubbles of light come spraying out of her and go all over.

Gold tells Belle that he failed her and their family. He made the right choice, but it didn’t work out. Belle hugs him.

Everyone runs to Emma, who is lying in the middle of the street. Henry kisses her forehead, saying he loves her. Rainbows pulsate everywhere. She opens her eyes, and says that she loves him too. Everybody rejoices, and there’s a group hug.

Belle and Gold hear a baby cry. That’s because a baby has suddenly appeared in the cave. They see he’s also brought reading material – Her Handsome Hero. It’s Gideon. Gold says, a fresh start and happy ending, but Belle changes that to happy beginning.

Snow picks up Henry’s book and gives it to him. He looks at the last page, and it says, faith was restored and the final battle was won. Emma says, there’s no the end, and Snow says it isn’t the end. Maybe it is of this book, but not the end end.  Emma says, what now? Snow tells her that living with the belief that there’s a happy ending is the most powerful thing about now. They get to keep going on, doing what they love, with the people they love; being together is happiness. We see the hands on the clock in the tower move.

Palace doors open, glittery snow is falling, fairies are flying, there’s a reindeer, a maze, and the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland, smoking his hookah. The Evil Queen looks out from her balcony and smiles. A doormat says Welcome to the Charmings, and we pan out to Snow and David’s place, and how happy they are with their baby and dog. Emma and Regina see Henry off to school at the bus stop. Snow as Mary teaches a class with a bluebird on her finger. Emma and Hook tool around in her bug, and put a flashing red light on top so they can go fast.

The Dwarves have a surprise for Regina. They’ve put a new name on her office door at the town hall – it now says Regina Mills – Queen. In the office, she looks at an apple and smiles.

Meanwhile, in parallel enchanted world, an arrow flies through the Evil Queen’s window. It has a note and a ring attached. The note says, Ready for a new adventure?

Belle and Gold dance to the theme from Beauty and the Beast.

Everyone gathers at Granny’s, including Zelena. All of them are happy, making me wonder if the show is returning. There’s lots of laughter, and everybody sits down at a really long table. I’m thinking it’s odd that they’re all sitting on one side, but then the scene turns into a picture in a book.

The little girl is on the train reading Once Upon a Time, but it has a different cover from Henry’s book. We read: Seattle, years later. She walks down an apartment building hallway and knocks on a door. A man answers and she asks if he’s Henry Mills. She says her name is Lucy, and she’s his daughter. She says his family needs him.

🎠 Yes, the show is returning. When, they didn’t say.  This was one long episode, but it was nice how they wrapped everything up, and sort of went back to the beginning, while leaving it open for the next book. It was also very corny, but I’ve watched this show from the first episode, and I think this was the first time it made me tear up. Robert Carlyle did an especially fine job, turning Gold into the man both he and Belle wanted him to be. It was gratifying that all of the characters got a do-over. Well, except for the Black Fairy, but she got what was coming to her. Managing to be sweet and smart at the same time, I’m surprised this show caught on, but glad that it did.

🍑 In order to milk the Housewives cash cow, tonight we were presented with The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Secrets Revealed. This is a step up from when they used to call the unused scenes “Lost Footage,” like we believed they found it behind a desk somewhere. Often, they have clips that are better than the regular episodes, and it’s an enjoyable change to see them having fun, rather than pulling each other’s hair. This time we got to see one of the (few) good things about Phaedra – Ayden, aka Mr. President, one of the cutest kids ever. Of course, I don’t have to deal with him when he’s hopped up on sugar or doesn’t want a nap. We also saw more interaction between Kenya and the kids at Phaedra’s camp. There was a beautiful scene with Kenya telling them about the mother who ignores her, and how they’re not invisible. She touched one kid in a big way, and it was moving to see her comfort the sobbing boy. I also had to laugh at Peter lurking in the shadows. Cynthia’s shadows. He even had the gall to show up when she was out on a girl’s night, wanting to discuss the divorce. She ended up thanking him, which is totally like Cynthia, but she’s probably glad he’s not trying to clean her out, like suckerfish Jason Hoppy did with Bethenny. Farewell until next time, ladies (and I use the term loosely). Apparently, both NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak are coming back to the cast. Like the buzzards coming back to Hinckley, so do the Wives return to their original nesting grounds.

HappyMothersDayPeke

Juliet&Puppies (2)

Juliet sez: Bein’ a mudder iz da bezt!

May8

May 7, 2017 – A Musical Fairy Tale Wedding, Mary, an Atlanta Mention & a Quote

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

Once Upon a Time – the Musical Episode

Young Emma sings into a tape recorder. Her sister makes fun of her. She says that Emma is just like everybody else – all alone.

Moving forward, Snow has found her old wedding gown, and asks Emma if she wants to wear it. Snow never thought they’d have a moment like this. Kelly Clarkson appears and…just kidding.

Back in the day, Snow says there’s no way they can stop the Evil Queen. Charming tells her that they will, and she needs some rest. On the balcony, she wishes for a happy ending, and a star glows brightly.

Bluebirds, well, really a parakeet, wake Snow. She’s surprised to find herself singing. Charming comes in, singing that someone has cast a spell or curse, because he can’t stop singing in verse. Snow sings that it’s because of her wish, and they’ll defeat the Evil Queen. They sing about love being the most powerful magic of all. This is pretty cool, and I’m already impressed with the sets and costumes. And the lyrics actually aren’t awful. Surprisingly, the cast can also sing. Although there is the magic that is autotune.

In Storybrooke, Snow brings her dress back from the cleaners, but it turns black when Emma holds it up. The Black Fairy pops in, poof! in a cloud of black smoke. She says she was never a fan of white weddings, and light and dark must have their reckonings. Unless Emma wants to give over her heart now. She says deep down, Emma is still the lonely little girl she always was, and the final battle is coming, whether they want it to or not.

The Black Fairy plans on separating the friends with a curse. When the clock strikes six – at the time Emma and Hook are to be married – it will be released. Regina says she ruined Snow’s wedding, the least she can do is help Emma have hers.

Way back when, the Evil Queen and her mirror sing a duet about the spell that’s been cast. The mirror tells her that her curse might not succeed. We see the Seven Dwarves, Pinocchio, and the others singing happily in every mirror the queen passes. It makes her go ballistic. The queen sings about love being a waste of time, how it can’t match her power, and doesn’t stand a chance. BTW, Lana Parrilla (Regina) has a great voice. I’d love to see her on Broadway. The Evil Queen breaks into everyone else’s happy scenes, dancing on the tables and kicking things over.

Right now, Hook looks at his white suit, and asks David if he thinks Emma would be disappointed if he doesn’t wear it. Emma comes in, and tells him about the Black Fairy’s curse. She says she has to fight the final battle alone. She tells him not to worry; she’ll be at the wedding on time. He says that’s not it; he knows she’s come to say good-by. She tells him she loves him, and jets.

Back in the day, Snow and Charming go to a tavern to find Hook. Charming wants him to take them to the Evil Queen. They’re prepared to pay handsomely. Hook sings about revenge, and how it’s worth more than anything else. When Snow asks revenge on who, he tells her to wait for the second verse. I’m liking these songs. Is the soundtrack available? Hook sings about how the crocodile ruined his life. He sings about the Dark One, and Charming says he’s in their dungeon. Snow tells him that if he can help them, he has himself a crocodile. Colin O’Donoghue (Hook) can definitely co-star in my Broadway show.

In the present, Hook goes to Gold’s shop. He says Gold betrayed all of them, but Gold says he did what he needed to do to keep his family together. Hook shoots him with a dart. He wants to knock him out long enough to get his mother. The Black Fairy appears, and says her son isn’t the only one looking out for his family.

Emma is in her office, gathering some pictures. Henry tells Emma that she’s doing the right thing. The final battle is what brought her there in the first place, and he knows she’ll win. He hits play on the cassette player on her desk, but Emma turns it off, saying it was nothing. She has to hurry, and hugs Henry good-by.

Regina can’t find anything, but Zelena says there must be something she used back then that she can use this time. Regina says the first curse stopped time, so maybe there is something.

The Evil Queen visits Rumpelstiltskin in his cell. She says Snow and Charming are using a singing spell to break her curse, and he’s going to help stop them. He says he didn’t teach her to come crying to him at the first sign of trouble. If she wants to prove that he chose the right one, fix it herself.

Zelena sings about Rumpel choosing the wrong witch. She thinks the future is looking more appealing now. She’s happy things aren’t working out for Regina. She sings about how wicked always wins, while terrorizing some stray Munchkins. She wonders why just revel in her demise, when she can use it to her advantage? When Regina wins, she’ll swoop in, and Rumpel will realize his mistake. She stirs her cauldron, singing that the happy ending will be hers.

Fast forwarding, Regina shows the group a vial. She says it’s the secret to stopping the curse. Regina wonders what their teacher would say. Rumpel appears, and says, how about thank you, and magically snatches the vial back.

Emma visits the Black Fairy. She asks if Emma is going to give up. The Black Fairy says she was going to separate Emma from her friends, but they did it for her. Some grey smoke clears, and everyone is standing there, frozen. The Black Fairy says she’s been watching Emma for a long time, and plays the tape Emma made as a child. The fairy says she went to sleep to sounds of misery like that every night in the mines. She tells Emma that she can’t do this alone.

At the office, Emma’s hand shakes, and Henry asks what the Black Fairy did. He tells Emma that even if she froze their family, she’s not alone. Emma says that the fairy reminded her of a time when she was on her own, and when something big came along, she ran. She says she wasn’t brave enough to keep him, but Henry says that was a long time ago, and she’s changed. Emma says that’s because he came into her life. He says she’s the Savior, and she can still beat the Black Fairy and save them. Emma thinks maybe she’s supposed to give the Black Fairy her heart. He says that’s not the way the story ends, but Emma says at least he’ll still have the family.

In the past, the Evil Queen appears, and Charming suggests she come with him and Snow. She makes a fireball, and is about to lob it at them, and they start singing. She misses them, and sings about her own magic and how love doesn’t stand a chance. They have a song duel. The Evil Queen sings that the spell will still be broken. She opens a box and sucks their singing into it. She tells them that she’s won. She didn’t just take their song; she took everyone’s. She says it proves love isn’t the strongest magic, and tells them to enjoy what time they have left. They disappear, poof! in a puff of purple smoke.

Snow and Charming stand on the balcony. The Blue Fairy appears. Snow says it was Blue who granted the wish. Charming tells Blue that the Evil Queen took the song. Blue says it’s still inside all of them, but it wasn’t meant to conquer the Evil Queen; it was for Emma. With everyone’s song in her heart, she’ll have a happy ending. One day she’ll face a battle that no one has faced before, and she’ll have to face it alone. Their songs will be inside her, and they have to hope they’’ll come out when she needs them the most.

In the here and now, Henry says there has to be a different ending to the story. He sees a page from the book he hasn’t seen before. It’s Blue, giving Snow the songs for Emma. Henry says that Emma’s not alone and never was.

Emma tells the Black Fairy she can have what she came for – Emma’s heart. The Black Fairy says it’s a deal. Emma tells the frozen Hook that she’s sorry, but it’s the only way. The Black Fairy says at least one of them is getting a happy ending, and takes Emma’s heart. She wonders why Emma won’t die. Henry walks in, saying that Emma’s heart is stronger than the Black Fairy thinks. He plays the song that Emma sang as a child, and says it’s been in her the whole time. It’s not her weakness; it’s her strength. Emma sings about once living in darkness. As she sings, her heart returns to her. She sings that the song in her heart is more powerful than the Black Fairy. She knows what she’s living for; all along the answer was inside her. As she sings, everyone comes back to life. She tells the Black Fairy she’s not alone any more. The Black Fairy says her curse is still coming, and the final battle will be worse than they can imagine. She disappears, poof! in a puff of slate smoke.

Emma says that Snow and David were always with her. Suddenly, we’re at the wedding.

Floral arches abound, and Archie is officiating. Hook wears black, and Emma looks like Grace Kelly, in a beautiful old-fashioned, high collared wedding gown, with lots of tiny buttons and lace. We go right to the vows. Hook says when they met he had a heart of revenge, but now it’s full of love. He says a captain’s heart belongs to his ship, but with this ring, it now belongs to her. She tells him that she spent so much of her life on her own, but Henry found her and helped her find the rest of them. She didn’t believe she’d ever find true love, but thanks to him, she has. They exchange rings and I dos. Archie pronounces them husband and wife. Much applause. Hook says they did it; a happy ending. Emma says it’s something else – a happy beginning.

They sing about happily ever after as they dance their first dance. The others join them, singing that if they stand strong together, there’s no way they can fall. They sing about happy beginnings, and there’s much dancing on the rooftop. Where’s Pongo?

They look to the sky. The clock in the tower explodes. The Black Fairy’s curse is here. Like humongous octopus tentacles, black smoke snakes out of the clocktower and envelops them.

Next time, the two-hour season finale. A final curse is cast, all the realms will be destroyed, and Snow tells Hook to make Emma believe again.

🐎 Tonight, on Return to Amish, we learned Mary’s story. I nearly went out of my mind when Abe and Mary went on a road trip, and she insisted on stopping at an abandoned amusement park. That’s one of my dream trips, visiting abandoned places. It turns out that Mary had a boyfriend who worked a Ferris wheel, and she told us about how she ran away with the carnival, and got pregnant the first time. She also has a secret car, and finally got her license. Mary is full of surprises. I think we could all learn a lot from Mary. Next time, she does some line and pole dancing.

🍑 I’ll be checking out part four of the Atlanta Housewives reunion later. It’s imperative that I see Kandi crying out about the lies! the lies! while Kenya looks on like the Cheshire Cat. I like Kenya. I think she’s made some poor choices due to her need for attention. but given her family life, that’s understandable. She certainly got more than she could handle with Matt this season. If anyone deserves to sit back and watch Phaedra and Porsha sink themselves, it’s Kenya.

🐦 🐝 Because I grew up Mennonite, the first time I learned about sex was when I had sex. – Sabrina, Return to Amish

OUAT-Hook&Emma

🎶 And yes, the soundtrack is already available:

https://www.bustle.com/p/the-once-upon-a-time-the-musical-episode-soundtrack-is-already-available-for-repeat-listening-55235

May2

May 1, 2017 – The Painting Plot is Exposed, Thomas is Losing His Touch & the Chimera

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

We revisit Tracy telling the family about her decision to give the painting to Samira. Monica didn’t think she had it in her. Ned tells her not so fast; there’s something she might want to look at first.

Valentin asks Nina when she’ll be done with work, but she doesn’t know. She still hasn’t replaced Maxie yet. She tells him not to wait up. Anna listens in down at the docks. Nathan is out jogging, and startles her.

Elizabeth wonders if something triggered Jake’s subconscious to write his birth date on the timeline, but Franco says maybe they’re just numbers. He doesn’t think they’ve missed any clues.

Sam tells Jason maybe he needs a fresh set of eyes to look at Jake’s book.

Ned thought the conversation with Finn was odd, and Tracy says that it was private. Ned tells them that he picked up the results of the DNA test. Tracy tells Ned thanks for ratting Finn out. Tracy explains how she set up the test because she had reason to believe Samira is Edward’s daughter. Monica tells her it’s an invasion of Samira’s privacy, but Tracy says she won’t mind, especially if the results are what she thinks they are. Tracy opens the envelope.

Valentin kisses Nina. Nelle walks in, and is like, oops! Nina tells Valentin that Nelle is working on a project for her, and she’s indispensable. Valentin leaves, and Nina tells Nelle to follow him, but Nelle says she can’t do that.

Anna says she’s used to seeing Nathan in more clothes, and explains that sometimes her medication makes her loopy: she has good days and bad days. He tells her that the PCPD can breathe easier with Julian off the streets, with Maxie getting fired, it’s not the newlywed bliss he was hoping for. He jogs off, and Anna breaths sigh of relief. Hmm… She actually seems kind of off, so now I’m wondering if, when she went to the WSB to get her memories back, they didn’t do something to her to get at Valentin.

Tracy talks to her father. Dillon explains to Kiki that this is an ongoing occurrence. Monica says when she’s finished communicating with Edward, they’d like to know results. Samira is not Edward’s daughter. Tracy says when Samira gave her Edward’s ring and journal that he gave to her mother, she jumped to conclusions. She apologizes. Samira asks if she’s changed her mind now she knows they’re not related, and Tracy says no. Ned thinks there’s another solution. He’s looked at it from another angle.

Elizabeth wishes there was more time before Jake’s birthday arrives. Franco says that Jake was there for his last birthday, and wonders why Helena would wait that long if she was up to something. I’d like to add that they keep talking like she’s still alive because Helena will never die. Not as long as Constance Towers is alive anyway.

Sam doesn’t see any hidden clues or encrypted messages. She wonders why Helena would give Elizabeth the book, and says maybe Jake just made the whole story up himself.

Ned gets Samira alone. He tells her that she has two options; she can play this out, or take a check for $10K and the visa extension, and figure out her life. She takes the check, and Ned says wise choice. She starts to say something, but he doesn’t want to hear it. He tells her to call an Uber from outside. She asks Ned to tell them she’s sorry, and he says not nearly as sorry as someone else is going to be.

Jason asks Sam why Jake would make all that up. She reminds him of Jake pretending someone broke in the house and was stalking him. Jason says he seems happy that Elizabeth is with Franco, but Sam says maybe he’s looking for attention. She’s not saying he’s a liar or troublemaker, but it’s going to take years to straighten everything out. This is just one hurdle to clear first.

Franco tells Elizabeth that Jake is going through some terrible feelings, and maybe something was done to him. It doesn’t make him a bad kid or wrong; he needs help. Elizabeth asks if they’ll figure it out, and Franco says they will.

Nelle tells Nina that she hopes Valentin isn’t cheating, but if he is, she doesn’t want to be the one to catch him. Besides the fact that she’s trying to be a decent person, it won’t make Nina feel any better to find out. In her case, there was another side of the story, so maybe there is with him. She asks Nina to find out for herself, and ask Valentin to be honest. She might be surprised.

On the docks, Valentin calls for a boat. He sees Anna faking an injury, and asks if she’s all right.

Ned tells everyone that Samira is happy with the arrangements. Kiki says acquisition fever can make a reasonable, rational person need to acquire. Ned says Kiki has a point. Not about him, but someone obsessed and determined to acquire painting at all costs. The doorbell rings, and he says, here they are now. It’s Larry. When he sees everyone, Larry remembers an engagement, but Ned says he’s not going anywhere until this is settled.

Nina tells Nelle that it’s not the first time she’s been cheated on, and even if he’s only thinking about it, she’s scared he’ll throw away what they’ve built for something that never existed. Nelle tells her again to talk to Valentin. Nina says she did, and got nowhere. She tells Nelle that it will just be between the two of them. She begs Nelle not to make her threaten to fire her. Nathan comes in, and Nina tells Nelle that it’s better for the family and Charlotte if they can be on the same page. Nelle says she’ll give it some serious thought.

Nina tells Nathan that she’s busy, but he can always visit her at Windemere. She asks if he still gets seasick, and he says it’s not the boat; it’s her husband.

Anna tells Valentin that she fell and hurt her ankle. He says it’s not broken, and probably just sprain. He thinks she should get checked out, but she says she’s had enough of doctors. He helps her up. He wonders what had her so deep in thought that she face-planted. She says it was him.

Jason tells Sam that given the alternative, he wishes Jake was seeking attention, but he was obviously terrified when he saw the picture; something he did terrified his son. He has two years not accounted for, and wishes he could prove something. Sam says maybe he can.

Elizabeth tells Jake that since he’s feeling better, maybe he can do some homework, but relents when Jake isn’t very enthusiastic. Franco suggests planning his birthday, and says maybe they can go camping. Jake isn’t receptive to that idea, which puzzles Elizabeth, since he’s always wanted to go. Jake says he doesn’t want to anymore. Franco says they can go anywhere, but Jake says he can’t.

Ned grabs Larry by the arm and tosses him into a chair. Larry says he wants to apologize. Ned says he knew Larry was up to something, but didn’t realize how far he’d go. Tracy is surprised that Samira was a con, and Ned says there was never a kidnapped daughter. She was working for Larry.

Tracy tells Larry not to deny it, and Ned says he has him dead to rights. Larry says it’s not as nefarious as it sounds. He was going to donate some of the profit to charity. Ned explains that Larry gave the monks a large donation, so in return, they gave him Edward’s journal and ring. Then he hired Samira, thinking her blue eyes would make Tracy think they might be related, and left Tracy a trail of breadcrumbs to the monastery. Larry’s face makes me go, HAHAHAHAHA! Best moment with this Larry so far.

Jake wants to include Jason, Sam and the other kids. Franco says they can have a big party, and Elizabeth says there will be two celebrations. Jake says he’ll do his homework now, since his mom won’t let him have a party if he doesn’t do well in school. He takes his homework to his room to concentrate better.

Sam hacks into a database to see when Jason was admitted to hospital. She says if she can’t find it, Spinelli is only a phone call away. Jason says he’s glad she’s on his team.

Nathan tells Nina that he doesn’t feel comfortable dropping by. She asks what’s going on with him, and he says it’s good; he’s staying busy with his job and working out. Nina says he’s missing his wife, and he says she’s killing it in Portland. She wishes were in the same city, but everything else is awesome. He adds that they’ll figure it out. He asks about Charlotte, and Nina says she’s incredible. When he asks about Valentin, Nina tells him that she thinks she’s losing him to Anna.

Valentin puts together a makeshift icepack for Anna. She says he doesn’t have to stay, but he tells her that wouldn’t be very gentlemanly. She says when she thinks of their experience at the WSB, she’s filled with regret. She wishes she could have a do-over, and he asks what would she change? She tells him, everything, then touching his hand, says not everything. UGH! Nelle watches.

Dillon wonders if the monastery knew about Samira, and were part of plan. Ned thinks she was conning them too. Tracy says she had no idea he could be so thorough. Ned says that Larry did a good job, but took it one step too far.

Ned talks about the hymn. We Gather Together was the perfect song to convince them, but Edward once told him that Lila started the tradition. Tracy says Edward would never have taught it to Samira’s mother. Ned tells them that it was Larry who called ICE. Kiki says on top of everything else, they put their butts on line for someone running a con. Tracy says it was all Larry.

Nathan asks Nina why not just bust Valentin, but Nina wants him to be honest with her. Nathan says that he’s bad news, but Nina says he’s just confused about Anna. She doesn’t blame him; it’s weird and strange. When he first came to town, Anna was hell bent on getting something on him and trashing his name, and now it’s like someone flipped a switch. Nathan says that his first advice is to tell her to leave, but she’s not going to take it, so be careful for both her and Charlotte. Charlotte will need a strong role model, and Nina is it. She’s the best thing happen to Valentin, and if he doesn’t know that, he’s not as brilliant as he pretends to be. They hug. Nathan tells Nina to call if she needs him.

Nelle continues to watch Anna and Valentin. Valentin tells Anna there’s no reason to bring up the past. She says it’s their past. He says when she forced herself to sleep with hunchback, and she says it wasn’t like that. He wants to get back home, but she starts playing with her necklace, and he notices it.

Sam thinks she has something. She tells Jason that the records have been amended a few times, but he was admitted in August of 2014. He says for two years he could have been doing things that scared Jake or hurt him, but he has no memory of anything, except for Helena. He tells Sam about the hallucination he had, where Helena said that he’ll never remember what happened to Jake on the island. He wonders how he can recall that. Sam breaks out the liquor, and says maybe it will help. I’m in.

Elizabeth asks if Franco believes Jake. He said, “I can’t,” to the vacation like he wasn’t allowed to. Franco says he shouldn’t have said anything. Elizabeth tells him that she’d feel better if she knew Helena’s plan. Franco says, if she had one. He wonders if they should ask about the numbers, but Elizabeth says he’s too fragile. Franco suddenly says he’s inspired by the light, and they should go to her bedroom. She asks if he’s trying to distract her, but thinks catching the light is a good idea. I’m hoping her bedroom isn’t upstairs where Jake is doing his homework.

Tracy grabs a fireplace poker to whack Larry, but the family stops her. She says that her only reason letting him live is because of their son. If he ever darkens their doorstep again, the Quartermaines are fully capable of covering up a murder. Larry jets, and Ned says, well done; he thinks Larry is finally gone from their lives.

Jake unrolls the timeline.

Dillon says they were suckers, and Ned corrects that to kind, generous people. Larry took advantage of a tragedy, but Tracy still gets to keep painting. Dillon is sorry he called it stupid, and Monica says she can hang it in the den. Tracy says that her father wrote that she’d know best where it should go, and he was right.

Nelle goes to Nina’s office. She tells Nina about finding Valentin on the pier. Nina asks if he was with Anna, but Nelle says he was alone, and he went to Windemere on the launch. She tells Nina that she was overreacting. He loves her, and she has nothing to worry about.

Anna unclasps the necklace, and asks Valentin if it looks familiar. He takes it from her and looks at it. She says it’s a lion with a serpent’s tail, and calls it the Chimera.

Jake starts to draw

Sam pours some tequila, saying maybe Jason will relax enough to have an open mind. And if not, it should still be a lot of fun. I added that last part. Jason spills some of it on the book. He tries to dry it, and calls Sam over. Two pages had been stuck together. He shows her the hidden page, and she says she told him the tequila would loosen something up. It’s a drawing of the Chimera.

Just like the necklace, and just like what Jake is now drawing on the timeline.

Tomorrow, Scotty asks Ava what hole she’s dug for herself, Jason has to deal with something now, and Carly wants it all.

Southern Charm

Patricia struggles to pick up Pug Chauncey. Michael tells her that he’s about four pounds overweight. She thinks he’s underestimating.

Cameran tells us that she went through a white witch phase in high school, died her hair purple, had spell books, and did weird stuff in the woods, but she was still homecoming queen. She and her mom go to her friend Larry’s house, where he makes hoodoo dolls that are supposed to bring good into people’s lives. He asks which one speaks to Cameran, and she picks out Mama Estelle, who’s pretty freaking creepy-looking. She asks about love dolls (no, not that kind), and Larry says he’s been considering making them, but he’s willing to custom make something. She wants it for Shep.

Shep meets Austen for a basketball game. He asks if Austen had any luck at the party. In his interview, Shep says he knows what happened with Chelsea, and knowledge is power. Shep wins 3-0. Geez, for non-smokers, and not that old, these guys are both breathing pretty hard, and it wasn’t that long of a game. Shep says he’s about to hyperventilate, and it’s either it’s a wake-up call or a senior moment. They sit on a bench. He asks Austen if he’s seeing Chelsea. Austen says they’re hanging out, the definition being that they’re planning on doing things together. Shep thinks he should have gotten a heads up. In his interview, Austen thinks it’s absurd to check in with Shep first. Austen says he likes Chelsea’s company. Shep says he does too, but she’s probably not his type. He tells Austen that Chelsea is robbing the cradle like Demi Moore, but I don’t think the age gap is that wide. Austen suggests that if he’s Ashton Kutcher, Shep is Bruce Willis.

Whitney waits for Thomas at a restaurant. He tells the waitress that the friend he’s waiting for is a complete alcoholic, and orders a double-bourbon for him. Thomas arrives, and says he was busy playing Mister Mom. Thomas thinks he’s lost his touch, and he’s just an old man now. He says he used to walk into a bar and own the place, but he’s lost confidence. He tells Whitney that the women who approach him say he has too much baggage, and he scares them off. Whitney tells him to check his baggage, and that he thinks Landon likes him. He asks what’s holding Thomas back, but Thomas gives no definite answer. Whitney thinks he should give Landon a chance.

Kathryn calls Jennifer, who hasn’t heard from her in ages. Kathryn says she’s been busy, but in her interview, says that some interactions between Jennifer and Thomas unsettled her, and they haven’t talked in months. She says that Jennifer knew everything about how she felt regarding Thomas. She asks Jennifer if she wants to meet for lunch. Jennifer asks if she wants to meet now, since she’s in town and has a babysitter. In her interview, Kathryn says she wants some understanding about what happened between Jennifer and Thomas.

The UPS man has visited Craig’s house with several boxes. Craig tells us that he loves sewing, and takes a machine out of one of the boxes. He calls Naomie and tells her about his new toy. She asks what’s wrong with him. He tells her it has an embroidery attachment too.

Jennifer meets Kathryn, and says she was excited to hear from her. She asks what she did to upset or hurt her. Kathryn says the last time she saw Jennifer, Jennifer and Thomas had made up, but she wasn’t aware of it. Jennifer says he apologized, but Kathryn wonders how she can think it’s sincere. She tells Kathryn that she’s tried to prove she’s a good friend, and it was a particular time of need for her; she needed all the love and support she could get. In her interview, Kathryn wonders if it’s more about social climbing, saying that she needs genuine, honest people in her life, and doesn’t think Jennifer is owning up to anything.

Jennifer tells Kathryn about Ascher’s emergency brain surgery and starts to cry. Kathryn is glad he’s okay. In her interview, Kathryn says she’s sympathetic, but thinks everything is fishy right now. Jennifer tries to bring up the friend thing again, but Kathryn tells her to focus on what’s important, her son. Kathryn says she holds no ill feelings, but doesn’t think they’re on the same page. She wishes it had gone differently.

Shep calls his parents in the Hamptons. He tells them about how winded he was playing basketball, and that he made a doctor’s appointment. He thinks his liver might be begging for mercy. In his interview, he says his father had a heart attack at forty, and he just turned thirty-seven. He tells them he’s going to make some changes.

Landon and Austen go to a bar that she’s investigating for her website, Roam. Austen is confused as to what the site is supposed to be about, besides an excuse for going out to eat and drink. Austen tells her about Chelsea, and how Shep told him he broke bro code. Landon says it’s typical Shep; he wasn’t interested until he found out that Austen was. Austen talks about going skiing with Chelsea, and Landon says she knows it’s getting serious when she goes traveling with someone, and you learn a lot about them. In her interview, she tells us that her last three relationships ended when she they went away for the weekend. She talks about Drew, and how he’s nine years older than she is. Austen tells her that he’s working too – he’s researching other beers.

Cameran calls someone about a real estate listing, but she’s too late. It’s under contract. She says she has an interested client, so if anything changes, let her know. She’s trying to find Craig a place, but it’s not going well.

Craig creates an embroidered piece. Cameran calls him to tell him the bad news. He says that he had to take time to crunch the numbers. She says that if he likes something, they have to jump on it, although he shouldn’t be impulsive. He says he’s made the decision to buy a property to turn into a rental, but Cameran doesn’t think he understands the work involved.

Thomas sips bourbon and calls Landon. She tells him she’s going to Phish concert tomorrow. She explains who Phish is (are?), and he’s offended that she thinks he doesn’t know. He says he wanted to make plans for dinner, and she says she’ll be around during the day. He fears the friend zone, but says he’ll call her tomorrow.

Shep goes to the doctor’s office. Since he met the doctor through Thomas, he figures the judgement level will be lower. We flash back to some of his drunker moments. The nurse asks him questions. His average is seven, eight, maybe nine drinks a night. When he finds out a shot counts, it’s twelve. He says it’s similar to how many sexual partners you’ve had: divide by two and add ten. The doctor comes in, and Shep tells him that it’s a precautionary visit. He tells the doctor how he got winded playing basketball, and about his father’s heart attack. The doctor checks him out. He’s also going to run some blood tests, and suggests Shep not drink for a week. He’ll feel better, and it will create momentum for him to stay on track. Um…probably not.

Thomas and Landon go to dinner. Landon asks fifty questions about the liquor. Although I actually understand that, after having had the worst Blood Mary in the world (at Friday’s) and cheap house wine. She asks about last night, and Thomas complains. She tells him to stop trying to score on the weekend; he needs more than that. He asks what she’s looking for, and she says a companion and friend. She’s been seeing someone, but horrors! he’s never been to NYC, and she thinks he must not care what’s going on in the rest of the world. Honestly, I’m can’t even fathom how this woman looks at things. She says she needs a lot from somebody, and wants to get married again and have kids. In his interview, Thomas thinks they’re kindred spirits, but he has to break down Landon’s boundaries.

Craig makes dinner to surprise Naomie. I dunno. Unless he’s leeching off of her, I don’t see why she wants to change anything. Her parents live down the street, and he sets up a beautiful dinner on their patio, which has a great view. In his interview, Craig thinks he’s a good catch, and hopes Naomie feels as lucky as he does. Naomie gets home, and he tells her that he has a surprise, bringing her to the patio. In her interview, she says he can drive her nuts sometimes, but it’s little things like this that remind her why she puts up with him. They sit down to eat.

Craig tells her that he has a lot of projects going on. Naomie says that Cameran was talking to her about him looking at properties. She tells him he can’t do a hundred things at once and do them all well. He says there’s one more thing; he’s starting a clothing line. She tells him he can’t be doing everything that he is, plus a clothing line; the bar has taken him years longer than it should have already. In his interview, he thinks she should be supportive. She says he’s going to screw up his life if he waits until the last minute for everything. He asks if he’s lost anything, and she says not yet. Craig is probably the late-bloomer type of person, who you think is going nowhere, then suddenly, they end up going further in life and making more money than you and all of your friends put together.

Naomie says it isn’t about what he says, but what he does. She asks if he wants to be a lawyer. He says he’ll know when he passes the bar. He doesn’t know if she has a grasp of how he thinks. He keeps trying to talk, but she talks over him. She says whether he wants to be a lawyer or not, just be straight up. He tells her that she’s acting dumb. She says he’s the one talking in circles and not making sense. She says she’s getting up from the table if he doesn’t apologize. He says he didn’t say she’s dumb, but she was acting dumb, which she thinks is the same thing. He says they’re not getting anywhere and he’s done talking about it.

Next time, Shep takes a yoga class (which he compares to a sobriety test), Patricia has a dinner party, Cameran puts a love spell on Shep, and Naomie is done with Craig.

🦁 Wikipedia tells us that the Chimera, also Chimaera (Chimæra); was, according to Greek mythology, a monstrous fire-breathing hybrid creature of Lycia in Asia Minor, composed of the parts of more than one animal. It is usually depicted as a lion, with the head of a goat arising from its back, and a tail that might end with a snake’s head, and was one of the offspring of Typhon and Echidna,and a sibling of such monsters as Cerberus and the Lernaean Hydra.

The term chimera has come to describe any mythical or fictional animal with parts taken from various animals, or to describe anything composed of very disparate parts, or perceived as wildly imaginative, implausible, or dazzling.

The seeing of a Chimera was an omen for disaster.

Maybe not this baby one though…

ChimeraBaby

Chimera

May1

April 30, 2017 – Rumpelstiltskin’s Beginnings & the Amish Return

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

What I missed last week: Zelena tried to fight the Black Fairy, but she didn’t do very well, and Regina suggested that she go back to Oz. In the past, Zelena turned a dude into the Tin Man when he suggested she needed to make friends more than she needed to time travel. In Storybrooke, Emma and Hook’s wedding was in the planning stages, but Emma thought they should postpone it until the Black Fairy was out of the picture. Zelena made up with Regina, who ended up being proud of her when she stopped one of the Black Fairy’s spells, but she still ended up having dinner alone. The gang got the Blue Fairy’s heart started again, but she’s still not awake. She knows the Black Fairy’s darkest secret, so the Black Fairy isn’t very happy. Damn. I guess I am a little wordy as a general rule.

Moving on to tonight.

The Black Fairy (Fiona) is giving birth. It’s a baby with Robert Carlyle’s head on it. Not really, but that would be funny. It’s a boy. The Blue Fairy and Fairy Tiger Lily drop in. Tiger Lily is also the baby’s godmother. They talk about a child known as the Savior.

In Storybrooke, Gold pokes at a dead baby dragon, trying to extract medicine for the Blue Fairy. She breaths it in, but nothing happens. Gold is pissed off, and goes outside, sending a newspaper vending machine flying. Belle tells him to stop it. He says the Black Fairy has Gideon’s heart, and he doesn’t want to lose another son. He feels like it’s their family’s fate to be torn apart. Emma calls them inside. The Blue Fairy is awake.

Hook starts pumping her for information. The Black Fairy appears, and David turns into Gideon. The Black and Blue (ha-ha) Fairies disappear, poof! in a puff of black smoke. Gold tells Gideon that it’s time to get his heart back.

Zelena has given up her magic, and is having trouble putting a piece of baby furniture together. And you definitely need magic for a task like that. She says she’s useless, but Regina tells her that she helped them all by sacrificing her magic. She wonders how she’ll protect her daughter, and Regina has an idea.

Belle tries to find out where Gideon’s heart is, and Emma wants to go after the Black Fairy. Gold asks if Belle trusts him, and she says she trusts he’ll do what’s right for their family. He’s going to Gideon’s dream realm with Emma. He throws some golden glitter in the air, and the three of them – Gold, Gideon, and Emma – fall asleep.

In a dream forest, Gold tells Emma the Black Fairy can’t control the dream realm. They look for Gideon. Gold says he brought Emma with him to stop her from doing anything in Storybrooke before it’s time. They approach a cottage in the woods. Inside, an empty cradle rocks. They hear a lullaby. Gold tells Emma he was born there. She says it’s his dream, not Gideon’s. He says maybe so, but his son is there somewhere.

Back in the day, the Fiona sings to her baby. Fairy Tiger Lily appears. Startled, Fiona draws a sword. She says she hasn’t been able to eat or sleep since finding out that her baby is the Savior. She’s been reading up on fairy lore, and Tiger Lily says it’s their job to protect him, and her job to raise him. Fiona says that motherhood makes you soft and sharp at the same time. Tiger Lily holds the baby. Fiona grabs Tiger Lily’s wand, says some magic words, and turns into a fairy. Tiger Lily says it’s not possible.

In the awake and now, Regina has gotten a car for Zelena. I have no clue about cars, but it’s very cute and retro-looking. Or old and in really good shape. Zelena has never driven anything except a broom. Regina tells her it’s time to drive another kind of stick, and gives Zelena a driving lesson. It doesn’t go well.

Regina tells Zelena that Henry will want to fight to the end in the final battle, but not everyone makes it out. She says he can’t be anywhere near it, and wants Zelena to take him to New York. He can be safe, and start a new life with her. Zelena asks if Regina trusts her to raise Henry, and Regina says she trusts Henry to raise Zelena.

Snow calls Regina from the clocktower. She wants to know what Blue meant about the center of town. Regina says the center of Storybrooke means the heart. Snow says it must be Granny’s. Regina tells Zelena she’ll have to sit this one out.

The Blue Fairy is imprisoned by the Black Fairy. She wants to know where the rest of the wand is. She says there are ways to get information besides Blue talking – and they’re more fun. She produces a bunch of tools that look like archaic medical instruments.

Way back when, Tiger Lily and the Black Fairy check out a baby. Tiger Lily says they’ve looked at a million of them, and none had the crescent scar she’s looking for. The Black Fairy says there’s one out there who’s destined to kill her son, but they haven’t tried everything yet. It won’t be easy, but with Tiger Lily’s help, she can create a new spell. Tiger Lily says it’s forbidden, but the Black Fairy says stop being afraid and help her. She needs to get into the secret fairy vault.

In dreamland, Emma wants to know that Gold is really on her side. He asks if she’s serious. He says his mother never did one thing a mother should. She didn’t even give him a name. He won’t shed a single tear when she’s defeated.

Gideon appears. They hug. Gideon thanks Gold for fighting for him. Gold gets weepy, and asks where the heart is, but Gideon doesn’t know. The Black Fairy has it well-hidden. Gold thinks they’re finished, but Gideon says the secret lies in the reason the Black Fairy gave Gold up. They see a baby in a basket. Gideon says all his answers are inside him, but he has to be willing to face them.

Fast forwarding, Regina and the others tear Granny’s apart, looking for rest of the wand. Hook and David move the jukebox, and find a secret compartment in the floor. Inside is a box with the piece in it. Regina takes it, but Snow asks how they know she isn’t the Black Fairy. They know, because the Black Fairy is suddenly there behind Regina. Regina says she’s not giving the wand up without a fight. The Black Fairy says she’s never killed a queen, and Regina says she’s never killed a fairy. They both disappear, poof! in a puff of purple smoke.

Out on the street, the Black Fairy tells Regina that she invented this town, but Regina says she doesn’t even have the guts to inflict her own curse. Regina tells her that Zelena got her good, and the Black Fairy zaps Regina. Zelena nearly runs her over, accidentally on purpose, and she disappears, poof! in a cloud of ebony smoke.

In the realm of dreams, Emma tells Gold that it’s all right to be scared. No curse or monster will be as terrifying as finding out why he was abandoned. If he won’t do it for himself, do it for his son; it’s his story too. Gideon says he’s come this far, and Gold says okay. He looks at the baby blanket, and goes back in time.

Fairy Fiona cuddles baby Gold in the secret vault of the fairies. She places him in a basket. She tells Tiger Lily that wolfbane is the last ingredient. Tiger Lily realizes she’s creating a curse, not a spell. Fiona says it will protect her child, but Tiger Lily won’t let her cast it. She’s trying to correct something that will never be. Fiona says she’ll banish him to a land without magic, but Tiger Lily says every other child will end up there. Fiona begs her to reconsider, saying that fairies are supposed to protect children. Tiger Lily says he’s destined to die, so others may live; it’s the fate of the Savior. Fiona steals Tiger Lily’s heart, saying that if she has to destroy his godmother to protect him, she will. At that moment, she turns into the Black Fairy. Tiger Lily says she’ll know the great evil by the crescent it bears, and we see a crescent scar on the Black Fairy’s wrist. Tiger Lily tells her that evil wasn’t born, it was made. The Black Fairy says that she’s the great evil. She and her son are destined to destroy each other.

Gold, Emma and Gideon come back from the dream realm. Regina says now that nap time is over, it’s time for battle. Emma says she doesn’t think it’s her; It’s on Gold. Regina is like whaaa…? Belle asks if it’s true, and Gold says it is. She says all these years she knew he was good, now he knows it too. Gideon asks to help, but Gold days he’s put him in enough danger. He looks at the wand, and says it’s best he faces his mother alone.

Gold wanders around with the wand. The Black Fairy appears. He says the wand was meant to destroy her; as was he. She says he found out. He says in some ways he always knew; he just needed to remember. He was meant to be the Savior, but she left him, because she was afraid he’d kill her. She says he has an answer, but not the answer. She asks to show him what happened.

In the past, Tiger Lily says they can find another way, but the Black Fairy says they tried and failed. The Blue Fairy appears, and says they won’t be crushing any hearts today. Tiger Lily brings out the shears, and tells the Black Fairy to sever her powers. The Black Fairy suggests severing the baby’s destiny instead, and she’ll still be strong enough to protect him. The Blue Fairy tells her that he’s destined to be the Savior, and immobilizes her. The Black Fairy says she’ll get them back, and gets sucked into a gold portal.

Back to the present, Gold asks why she lied. She says she was banished, and it was easier to let him hate her. He says she chose her power over his, and she says she was trying to protect him. He says he’s made the same decision, and knows a lie when he hears it. She sentenced him to a life of cowardice. She says she wanted to protect him. She tells him that the world is a dangerous place, and he says because of villains like you and me. She says if her choice was wrong, she did it out of love. She’s sorry she caused him pain. He asks about Gideon, and she says his pain made him strong. Gold says their family history is dark, and he tried to save Balefire and Gideon. She says he understands she loves him, and they can be a family. She asks if he can forgive her.

Flashing back, the Blue Fairy and Tiger Lily bring the baby to his father. They tell him there was an accident while Fiona was trying to protect their son. He asks how can he raise his son alone? Tiger Lily says by trying. His son needs his father and a name. He says his wife is dead thanks to him. He names the baby Rumpelstiltskin. I’m not sure why this is necessarily a bad thing in a world where there are dwarves named Grumpy and Sneezy.

Moving forward, Gold tells the gang that he’s banishes the Black Fairy for good, and the Blue Fairy is safe and back with her kind. Snow says good, the wedding can happen tomorrow, because being mother-of-the-bride, it’s all she can think about. Emma tells Gold that he did good as Savior. Gold gives Gideon back his heart. Gideon thanks him, and Gold tells him welcome home. Gideon tells Belle he missed her. He apologizes for letting the Black Fairy take control. Gold says he doesn’t have to worry about her ever again and that it’s over now. The Black Fairy will never be a problem for them again.

Belle is proud that he fought for the family, and saved their son. Gold says everything he does is to keep Gideon safe, even though it might not be apparent at the time.

Back home, Hook tells Henry that they’ve been through a lot, but now he’s going to give Henry the most important mission yet: Operation Best Man. For the next 24-hours, Henry has to keep the wedding rings safe. If he doesn’t, his mother will kill him. Emma joins them, and Hook tells her that a seafaring man doesn’t take superstition lightly. He’s leaving for tonight, but tomorrow, Emma will have a hard time getting rid of him.

The Black Fairy asks Gold if they trusted him and believed the heart was hers. He says no one doubts him. She says that he may have been born the Savior, but he adores being the Dark One. Gold says, call it a family trait. He says that Gideon is safe, and has no idea what’s to come. The Black Fairy says, at long last a happy ending for their family. Gold says that in the final battle he may no longer be the Savior, but one still stands, and tomorrow is a special day for Emma – the day she dies.

🎶 Next time, a very special musical episode. Snow wishes on a star, and a spell is cast, making everyone break into song. I could make an un-PC joke about the Fairy Fairy, but, well, there, I did. It’s a wedding special event!

🐎 I spent most of today watching the Return to Amish marathon, airing in preparation for their season premiere that I’m watching right now. It was a great trip down Amish Memory Lane. It’s my understanding that some of it, at least at the beginning, was somewhat contrived. For instance, Abe and Rebecca were already married when they filmed the couple’s wedding. The situations are real though, and it’s never taken away from my enjoyment of the show. Growing up in Ohio, when I was a kid, we made many day trips to “the Amish country” in Pennsylvania, so I also appreciate the scenery. Not to mention the cast going to NYC on a few occasions. What draws me to the show though, isn’t the breaking or returning to Amish. From the jump, the way these kids talked, you knew they were in contact with the outside world. There are also things like “hut parties,” where the young Amish cut loose, and Esther introduced us to an Amish chat line when she was in NYC. This is interesting for sure, but while I’d love for Lisa Vanderpump to adopt me, I’d also like Mary Schmucker to be my grandmother. Second only to LVP, she is my all-time favorite reality cast member. She’s like if you had an old school grandmother who was stellar at knitting afghans and baking pies, but was still a hundred times cooler than you. In the Best. Episode. Ever. Mary beat some college kids at beer pong her first time playing it, and outdrank them. Mary has been shunned by the church (which she explains is not as bad as banished, but not much better), but continues to stand up for herself, telling off the elder (or whatever) who kicked her out of her own father’s funeral. I even checked to see how far Punxsutawney is from me, so I could personally shake Mary’s hand, but it’s a bit of a drive. At present, she’s a genius at selling Tupperware, and I’d love to go to one of her parties. I love how she holds on to her core values, but knows bs when she sees it. Mary is definitely the breakout star of this show.

🔊 Have you ever noticed that the loudest thing in the world is somebody trying to be quiet? Just sayin’.

Mary

Apr17

April 16, 2017 – A Curse is Lifted, Suicide Squad is Okay by Me, Potomac Goes to the Races & Atlanta Reunites

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

In Neverland, the Lost Boys chase Hook. He slides down a hill and is surrounded. He says he has treasure and rum, but they want him to pay for what happened to Peter Pan. All of a sudden, the boys drop like flies. Tiger Lily is in the shadows with a blowgun, and reveals herself. She says she never expected to see Hook back again, and he says it wasn’t planned. He thanks her for the rescue, and she pokes him in the neck with a dart.

David tells Emma they never would have put her in the wardrobe if they’d known all this was going to happen. Henry tells her it’s going to be okay, and she says she knows. David tells Regina that the story can’t end like this; Emma can’t go into the final battle without her family. Regina says she’ll have to make do with just one of them. She’s working on breaking the curse, but it might be dangerous or life-threatening. David says whatever she has, it has to work. It’s not like it’s their first time. We flash back to a few other curses the Evil Queen has laid on them.

Snow/Mary strolls through parallel Storybrooke, but everyone is in bad moods. Archie claims Pongo is off gluten. She runs into Regina, and asks if there’s any news about a John Doe in the hospital. Regina says it looks like he may never wake up. Snow ditches the flowers she was bringing to the hospital, and sees a bloom through the cracks of the sidewalk.

Snow brings the flower to David. It makes purple sparkles in the air. The machine he’s attached to goes off, and he opens his eyes. He struggles to get out of bed, asking where the Evil Queen is. He says the guards stabbed him, and the curse brought them there. He tells “Mary” that Snow White is in there somewhere, and somewhere inside, she knows he loves her. She takes his hand, and calls him Charming.

In regular Storybrooke, Snow tells Regina that they have to do this now. Regina says it’s going to hurt. Zelena and Regina take the combined heart of Snow and sleeping David, and put the halves into a potion. When the hearts are done basting, the witches return them, but Snow keels over. Zelena says the magic weakened the hearts. A revived Snow says that Emma will have to fight the final battle without them.

At the parallel hospital, David asks for Grumpy’s help. Snow tells Grumpy (calling him Leroy) to pay no attention to this mental patient she found wandering around. Snow tells David that it’s called a curse for a reason, and everyone else doesn’t know about it. She gives him clothing to change into. He says he put Emma in the wardrobe, so she must be there too. She suggests they find Gold, and tells him to meet her at an abandoned farmhouse in an hour. Snow tells Regina that David was sleepwalking and headed into the woods.

In standard Storybrooke, David shows Emma a video Snow left. She says they have to work together. David tells Emma that her mother found a way to break the curse, but didn’t know it. He shows them a picture of some flower petals, and Zelena recognizes them as pixie petals. She tells them that the enemy is already there.

The Black Fairy shows up at Gold’s shop along with Gideon. Gold says Gideon concocted a ruse to bring the fairy there, and Gideon says that one day he might understand. Belle comes out from the back, and tells Gideon he can still come back to them. Gold tries to make magic, but the fairy stops him with the dagger. She says she practically invented dark magic, but she won’t force him to do anything. When he joins them, it will be because he wants to, and then they can be the family they were meant to be. She and Gideon disappear, poof! in a puff of silver smoke.

In strange Storybrooke, David goes to Gold’s shop. He doesn’t think Gold is under the curse, and wants to know where Emma is. Gold doesn’t know what he’s talking about. David says they’ll have to find Emma on their own, but Gold says maybe he can help. Hearing Emma’s name was the appropriate wake-up call, and now he gets what’s going on. David knows that Emma is destined to break the curse, but doesn’t know where she is. Gold tells him that the pixie dust can reunite anyone who shares true love.

Back in the sort of real world, David says they need Snow’s tracking skills to find the flower, so he has to go to sleep. He knows Hook is out there fighting for Emma too.

Tiger Lily smacks Hook awake. He’s tied up in a cave. He says someone’s life is depending on him getting out of there, but Tiger Lily needs him to deliver something to another realm. He says his love is in danger. She doesn’t believe he could possibly fall in love. She shows him a piece of driftwood and says it’s really a weapon, and the only chance of winning the coming war. He says it’s not their war, but she says there’s a great darkness on the horizon, and the Savior will die without it. He says that’s the woman he loves, and tells her to look in his pocket. She takes out the ring. Tiger Lily says the Black Fairy is in Storybrooke, and this is the Savior’s only hope to defeat her. Hook asks if she has any magic, and she says Pan might, but the Lost Boys outnumber them. He says they don’t stand a chance.

No one can find David in sleeping Storybrooke. Snow says they haven’t looked everywhere in the woods. Regina suggests Archie and Pongo check the mines. When they’re out of sight, Regina reveals an electrical box. She says the tunnel is rigged for demolition; one push it all comes down. She says Snow and John Doe are both awake, which means the curse isn’t working. Snow/Mary claims she was just doing her rounds at the hospital. Regina says Snow is a hero, who would never let the cricket die, but Mary has never stood up to her. She asks what it’s going to be. Snow clutches a pair scissors. The townspeople arrive, and Regina backs off of the box. Snow disappears.

Sliding sideways, Snow and Emma find a small field of pixie dust flowers. Snow says they grow in the presence of evil. The Black Fairy appears, and says she’s been waiting to meet Emma. They’ve been destined to clash since the beginning of time. Gideon joins them. Emma asks if this is it, and the Black Fairy says everyone will know when the final battle begins. Gideon makes the flowers disappear. Emma shoots an arrow at the Black Fairy and Gideon, but they both disappear, poof! in a puff of black smoke.

Tiger Lily explains to Hook that the weapon is what banished Black Fairy to the realm where she was trapped, and that she was once a fairy. Hook asks why she gave it up, like it was tennis or something. She says she failed in stopping the Black Fairy, so she hung up her wings, and took refuge in Neverland. She points out a tree that contains the sap Hook needs to find Emma. The Lost Boys are having a Burning Man Festival, and Tiger Lily shoots an arrow at them. They run after her. Hook hooks the tree and gets the sap. One of the boys sees him, and sounds an alarm. Hook gives his own shadow the driftwood to give to Emma. He drops down into a cluster of the Boys.

David and Snow meet at the farmhouse in parallel Storybrooke. She says Regina is on to them, and gives him the flower. Gold shows up. He says they’re awake, but everyone else asleep. Gold tells David that if they find Emma now, the curse won’t be broken, and everyone will stay asleep. He gives them a vial, and says it will put David and Snow back to sleep, and make everything right again. He says the potion is the only way forward.

In real Storybrooke, Emma knows she can’t change her destiny, and tells Snow it’s not their fault. Snow says there’s something she doesn’t know. They see a pixie dust flower peeking out from the snow.

In snoozing Storybrooke, Snow sprinkles the pixie dust into her hand. David tells her to think about Emma and let the magic do the rest. She throws the dust in the air, and a door appears. David opens it. They see young Emma in her bedroom, reading. Snow says if they go through the door, she won’t be the Savior. David tells her that Emma will have new destiny with them. Snow remembers that Regina said Snow is a hero who wouldn’t let anyone suffer to get what she wants, and she’s right. She can’t sacrifice everyone else’s happiness for her daughter. She says everyone is separated from those they love, and they can’t sentence them to that forever. They have to believe that Emma strong enough to grow up without them. David wishes she wasn’t right. Snow tells Emma that they’ll see her again, and closes the door.

She tells David there isn’t much time, and starts to cry. She didn’t think they’d be saying good-by so soon. He says he’ll always find her. She says one day, Emma will find them. They kiss. He drinks the potion, and falls asleep. Then Snow drinks it.

Regina messes with the pixie dust in original Storybrooke. She gives it to Snow, and Hook’s shadow flies in, and gives her the weapon. She asks where Hook is, and the shadow drops his hook at her feet. She says there’s something wrong, and asks where he is again. The show touches her cheek and disappears. Henry says they’ll find him. She says they don’t know where he is. Snow says the magic can open the door to Hook, and explains how they used it in the past. Emma says they had to do what was right for everyone else. Snow says today she’s putting Emma first. She says they can’t allow Hook to be taken, after they’ve already taken so much. Not before the final battle.

The Lost Boys sentence hook to death for his crimes against Peter Pan. The door appears, and Emma pops out. She and Tiger Lily kick ass. Emma and Hook go through the door and Tiger Lily jets.

Emma gets Hook back to Storybrooke, and says she got his message. He says he should never have run away, but she says tells him that she didn’t make it easy. He says there’s something he has to do before he gets pushed to another portal. He takes out the ring and proposes. He says he’ll always be by her side. She says no. Just kidding. She says yes, and they kiss. He puts the ring on her finger. He says it’s time he faced her father, but David is asleep. Emma explains that they went into a sleeping curse so she could save him.

Regina says there might be another way, but it’s risky.

Everyone gathers together. Regina says once Snow and Charming had a chance to find their own happiness, they chose the good of everyone there. She wants the people to do something for them now. She shows them a chalice, and says if they share the curse, they might dilute its power. Hook takes a sip; then Regina and Emma. The chalice is passed around. Grumpy says he could use a nap. These people are taking some pretty big sips. It must be an endless cup.

Snow and David’s eyes open. They hug and kiss. He says she did it, and she says she didn’t do anything. They find Hook and Emma asleep, but they slowly wake up, along with everyone else. Hook asks if Emma told David his secret. David says Hook is a changed man now, and they’ve all seen it, and everyone is all happy. Regina says it wouldn’t have worked if Snow hadn’t inspired them – she gave up her family. Snow says she did it for a better one, and they’ll defeat the Black Fairy. She tells Emma that she won’t be facing the fairy alone.

Gold meets the Black Fairy. He asks why she gave the dagger back to him. She tells him that he has to choose to be part of this family. He says she has Gideon’s heart, and tells her about Gideon keeping the flower alive as a way of resisting her. He has his mother in him. Gold says he’ll get Gideon’s heart back. The Black Fairy tells him that if he comes at her, there might be nothing left of the town when they’re done. He says he’s willing to pay that price.

Next time, Zelena isn’t afraid of the Black Fairy and vows to kills her, and an ultimate sacrifice will be made.

💣 Suicide Squad

Although I’d wanted to see Suicide Squad in the movies, it never happened. I really shouldn’t complain, since I have 500+ FIOS channels that I pay dearly for, and probably should watch something other than BRAVO. From what I’d read, this film was panned by the critics, but I enjoyed it a lot.

As a kid, I read both the Superman and Batman comics, as well as some other random ones. Doom Patrol was, and remains, my favorite. By the time these characters came along, my comic reading days were long gone. Out of the Squad members, Harley Quinn got high marks, as she brought to mind another favorite from back in the day, Batman’s Poison Ivy. When my friends and I used to act out our comic books – what do you expect from someone who started The Rocky Horror Picture Show cult? – I was always Poison Ivy. Since I’m not part of today’s comic scene, I had no expectations, which might have made a difference in my perception. I had no reference material to compare this with.

The plot was okay. It dragged in spots, and the whole Enchantress business isn’t exactly my thing, but while plot can be a plus, that’s not my reason for watching an action picture. I’m there for the action, colorful characters, and maybe a few good one-liners. On that, the movie delivered.

I also liked the subplot of Deadshot’s relationship with his daughter, and thought Will Smith’s performance was excellent. The costumes, the explosions, the effects – it was all good. And the soundtrack was fabulous. There was a lot of noise about the Joker not being in it all that much, compared to his presence in the previews, but I thought it was just enough. Jared Leto’s portrayal was so over-the-top, any more of it would have been overkill. I’d also heard that he took his Joker persona into his off-time on set, which gave it an extra eww! for me, since I find actors who do that rather creepy.

It’s on rotation on HBO now. If you’re paying for it, might as well watch it. It’s a lot of fun and you could do worse.

🏛 On tonight’s The Real Housewives of Potomac, the ladies went to the Preakness, and of course wore hats. I went to the Belmont Stakes once. I’d never been to the racetrack before, and was surprised that a race takes about two seconds. I didn’t wear a hat, and I didn’t win anything, except a drunk guy trying to pick me up outside of the ladies room. True story. Ashley is finding out that the restaurant business isn’t as easy as she thought, like every single restaurant owner on Kitchen Nightmares. Charisse is having some renovations done on her house, and I have to admit that I sometimes wonder what it’s like to be wealthy enough to be able to add a “fierce champagne room” to my home.

🍑 The excruciatingly long, four-part The Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion has begun. The women all look gorgeous, although I’m not loving Porsha’s dress. It looks like she’s wearing a kimono ten sizes too big for her. A sparkly kimono. Sheree also keeps pulling up the top of her strapless number. Is she wearing She by Sheree? Although dumb as a post, Porsha got my vote for quote of the night: Andy…he’s messy. Out of the mouths of stupid. Things didn’t start escalating until almost the end, when Kandi and Porsha started to get into it. Most of the show was nonsense talk, but it looks like Porsha will be the one walking off this reunion. Probably not next week. I’m guessing that’s the carrot being dangled to get us to watch all four parts.

Apr10

April 9, 2017 – Gearing Up for a Black Fairy Battle & Are You Wives or Shade Trees?

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

The Black Fairy carries a baby through the clouds. She lands in a coal mine. She tells a woman that this one isn’t for the mine. He’s to be cared for as though he was hers. (Or she could have said, it is mine. BA-DUM-CHH!) She tells baby Gideon that he won’t be needing the book any more, and tosses it aside.

In Storybrooke, Gideon tells Emma they’ll destroy the Black Fairy together. It’s impossible for Hook to return without her helping him. She knocks him down with some magic, and says if he doesn’t bring Hook back, she’ll make him do it. Gideon says she doesn’t frighten him; nothing does. She has no idea what he’s been through, being raised by the Black Fairy. He says that there are many waiting for him to protect them, and he’s very far from the bad guy. They have a common cause, whether she realizes it or not. He disappears, poof! in a puff of amber smoke.

Back in Gideon’s childhood days, the children the Black Fairy has imprisoned are being read to by Gideon. He says as long as he’s around, they’ll be safe from her. The Black Fairy enters, wishing them sweet dreams. She has a special bedtime story for Gideon, but she says that she sees he already has one, and takes the book from him. He says his real mother gave it to him, but she says she’s his real mother. Gideon says she’s not, and never will be. She says just because his mother was a hero, doesn’t make him one, and she’s going to show him exactly who he is.

She drags one of the children out of a cell. She tells him that if he wants to be a hero, to show her. The child cries to Gideon for help, but he does nothing. The Black Fairy calls him a coward, and says he has much to learn – from her.

In the present, Emma tells Gold that she has questions and she wants answers. She tells him that his son has a death wish. He banished Hook and wants her to help kill the Black Fairy. Gold explains that the Black Fairy is his mother. Belle says he wasn’t born evil; the Black Fairy made him this way. Gold says that’s not the only reason to save him, and that destroying the Black Fairy will save all of them. At present, she can only break out of her realm long enough to steal more children, but If she breaks free from her realm for good, it will be a disaster. He tells Emma that all of the darkness she’s ever faced comes from the Black Fairy, and if she isn’t destroyed, they’re doomed.

Regina works at the cauldron. She tells Henry that casting a curse is one thing, but breaking it’s another. Henry tells her that if anyone can break her own curse, it’s her. She says she’s undone everything, except the big one. She asks if Henry can go pick up some tongue of newt – not the eye. Henry suddenly starts writing furiously in some kind of code, and cataracts cover his eyes.

Some time ago, Gideon asks the Black Fairy what she wants. She says it’s his 28th birthday. She thought they should celebrate, since he’s grown into a strong, loyal son, and his magic has blossomed. She can’t find the key to her vault, and tells him it was stolen. She instructs him to go to the mines, find out who’s responsible, and make them pay. She puts something that looks like a dog whistle around his neck, and he goes.

Moving forward, Emma goes to the clock tower. She tells Gideon that he reminds her of Henry when he first needed her help. She asks for the sword, and he gives it to her. She says they have a deal, and let’s get her pirate back.

In another realm, Hook goes into a bar (not the start of a joke), and dumps out a load of gems on the card table. Blackbeard says he’s interrupting the game, and draws his sword. Hook says he needs a magic bean, and these are the finest gems from Agrabah. He has one more thing to offer. Blackbeard hasn’t had a vessel since he lost the Jolly Roger, and Hook asks, what’s a pirate without a ship? He suggests playing a hand of cards for the ship. Everyone gets out of the way, and Hook sits down.

Right now, Gideon takes Emma to the sorcerer’s mansion. Emma says extreme magic isn’t like hailing a cab, but Gideon says she has him. He zaps them both inside, and tells her to arrange the ingredients that are on the table. She lights a candle, and he hands her the napkin that has her tears on it. A huge claw comes bursting through the door, followed by a giant spider. Gideon says it’s a message. I guess the Black Fairy hasn’t heard about texting. They throw bolts of magic at the spider, and Emma tells Gideon to run. Since I’m not afraid of spiders, this has never been my horror thing, but as spiders go, this one is pretty scary.

Back at the mines, Gideon tells everyone to gather around. He says his mother has been generous to them, and one of them has stolen the key from her. If it’s returned now, they’ll only face his wrath. He says with just a bit of magic, he can turn them into vermin. He pulls a kid out, and another one steps forward, saying it was him. He asks if Gideon remembers him. He reminds Gideon that he once read to him, but Gideon says he has no choice. The kid says he had no choice then, but he has a choice now; he knows his old friend is still in there. He tells Gideon to be the hero that he was meant to be, and help defeat the Black Fairy.

In the Storybrooke realm, the spider shoots webs on everything. Gideon says Emma’s magic is the only one strong enough to get into the Black Fairy’s realm. Webs are going everywhere, and they jet.

Sliding sideways, Blackbeard asks Hook what’s so important. Hook says the woman he loves is in danger. Blackbeard thinks maybe he should have kept the ship, and shows his hand, which I guess is a good one, but I don’t play cards. I could barely remember the high-scoring roles of the dice in Yahtzee when I went through a Yahtzee phase. Blackbeard tells Hook that it’s time to pay up. They go to the docks, but Hook says he forgot to mention that the ship is in the realm where Emma is, and he’ll have to give him the bean to get there. He also tells Blackbeard that he saw the six aces in his deck. Blackbeard says well played, but he’s coming along.

In the here and now, Regina asks Henry what the writing is about, but he doesn’t know. He asks why this happened, but Regina has no answers. She does know someone who might though. They go to a hospital. Emma says if Henry’s problem is being the author, they should ask the last one. She says hello to Isaac, and says they need to talk.

Isaac says he’s heard of this happening, but it never happened to him. He doesn’t think what he did was enough to get him locked up, and Regina says that he tried to kill them all. He says a writer needs motivation and inspiration. He wants out and a sports car; he wants to go back to the Big Apple. She suggests she drive a sports car over his head. He repeats that he wants freedom, a sports car, New York City, and because she’s being a pain, Hamilton tickets. I literally LOL. He says Henry’s writing is taking over, and he’s more powerful than he realizes. It’s only going to get worse, and Henry could end up in the cell next door.

Gideon and Emma run from the spider. He tells her she should leave, but she’s staying to help him.

Back in the mines, the kid asks where Gideon is taking him. Gideon explains that the reason the Black Fairy is collecting dust in the mine, is that she’s obsessed with perfecting the Dark Curse. Gideon asks what happened after he left, and the kid says it’s better left unsaid. Gideon apologizes, and says he regrets his weakness every day. The kid says they were children, but now they must stop her before it’s too late. The Savior can help them. He’s heard rumors of a crystal ball that can help them communicate across realms.

In the present day sorcerer’s mansion, the spider is squirting webs all over, and they’re covering everything. Emma and Gideon can’t leave the house. Emma gets stuck in a web, and Gideon takes the sword. He says once she’s dead, he can use the sword to channel the powers to another realm. The spider blocks the door. Gideon tells Emma that Hook’s return is impossible, and says he told her to walk away. He disappears, poof! in a puff of ocher smoke.

In whatever realm they landed, Blackbeard asks Hook where the Jolly Roger is, but Hook says it’s not his realm; something went wrong. He says whatever dark magic banished him, must have kept him from getting back. They hear whooping in the distance. Hook thinks he knows what it is. The Lost Boys. They’re in Neverland. The Lost Boys come after them, and they run.

Back to today, Emma struggles against the web. The spider screeches. Emma breaks free, but the spider binds her in a web cocoon. She gasps for air. In the clock tower, the sword is aglow. Gideon slices the air with it, and opens a portal. Emma is pulled toward the spider. The portal door in the clock tower starts to fizzle out, the spider suddenly backs off of Emma, and Gold appears. He wakes Emma, the magic withdraws from the sword. Emma and Gold make the spider tiny, and Emma steps on it. Too bad things don’t work that way IRL. Gold asks where Gideon is. Emma says he tried to kill her, and she’s sorry, but he can’t be saved; he’s evil.

The kid and Gideon look for the orb in a magic fish tank. Gideon pulls it out, and the kid (sorry, didn’t catch his name and figure he’s dispensable, so he’s been dubbed “the kid”) thanks him. The orb shatters, and the Black Fairy appears. She says she led them here, just like she led Gideon’s friend to the key. Gideon says it was a test. She says he was supposed to be different; he was a gift. She says his parents abandoned him, but she shared everything with him, and this is how he repays her. She’s disappointed in him. He says he should have stood up to her years ago. He’s not letting her do something terrible; the people have suffered long enough. Her lackeys grab the kid, and Gideon smacks her. She says there are many ways to hurt a person. She turns the kid into a spider, and she steps on him. She says Gideon could have saved him eons ago, but didn’t, so this is on him – and her boot. Okay, that was good. He calls her a monster. He says he’ll find the Savior and the Savior will destroy her. The Black Fairy says she knows all about the Savor, and has plans for her, just like she has plans for him. She takes his heart, and says now he’s hers in every way. He’ll do whatever she says. He’ll find the Savior and kill her. When the Savior dies, the sword will free her from her prison.

In Neverland, Blackbeard says that he thought Pan was dead. Hook says he is, and the Lost Boys took over. They get to the shore, and Blackbeard knocks Hook out. There’s a single canoe, and he makes a run for it. He tells Hook to enjoy his stay, adding, we’re pirates, what did you expect? He reminds Hook that he still owes him the ship. Uh-oh, here come the Lost Boys bearing torches.

Snow and Belle meet with Gold and Emma. Emma explains what happened, and tells them that Gideon is evil. Gold says he needs help. She says he needs to take responsibility for his actions, and Gold says he’ll do what he can to stop Gideon from being harmed. Snow says that they didn’t start this fight. Emma suggests they go home.

Belle tells Gold that Gideon is ripping them apart. He’s only been there a few days, and already caused all kinds of destruction. She thinks Emma is right, but Gold says he’s with the two of them now, and the Black Fairy’s damage is over.

In the clock tower, Gideon says that the Black Fairy’s plan failed. The Savior survived.

The Black Fairy appears – no poofing, no smoke. Gideon says the portal closed, but the Black Fairy says that as Emma’s life ebbed away, the portal opened just enough for her to slip through. She tells him he played his part to the hilt, and he says that he had no choice. She says a part of him wanted to help her, part of him always does. He says of course. She says good, because they have much to do.

Isaac tells Regina that he wanted sports car, and wouldn’t drive this to a Ping-Pong tournament. This, is a station wagon. He supposes the Hamilton tickets are a no, and says nobody’s magic is that powerful. Very funny dialogue tonight. Isaac suggests that they follow him. He tells her that if she wants to know what’s going on, to take a look at the book. Henry says it’s the final chapter, and Isaac says, end of story. Henry asks what happens to the Savior, and Isaac says she fights the final battle – and nobody wants to be around to see that. He drives away into the night.

Next time, the Black Fairy squares off with Emma, history will be rewritten and the past will be altered, everyone could be trapped forever, and Snow and David must decide whether or not Emma will be born.

💀 Yeah, now that The Walking Dead finally reeled me back in, the season is over.

🍑 On The Real Housewives of Atlanta some of the ladies continue to act like children, mostly Phaedra and Porsha. Phaedra blows my mind, because she’s beyond shady; she’s downright nasty. She’s constantly after Kandi – I guess because she and Todd are friends with Apollo – but she never ceases to top herself. Now she’s involved in a lawsuit against Kandi by one of Kandi’s ex-employees. Bleh. Although when Kandi said that Phaedra was like Geppetto with a bunch of Pinocchios around her, I nearly fell off my chair, laughing. There was a party to unveil Chateau Sheree, and I have to say, both the party and house were very cool. Even if the house does have an unfinished basement, which Kenya made sure that we knew. Kim Zolciak Biermann made an appearance (is NeNe far behind?), and we had a fun flashback down Memory Lane, including the time Sheree tried to pull Kim’s wig off in the middle of the street. Good times… Kim and Kenya had an argument, and as usual, Porsha was falling out of her clothes. She also thinks her deceased father would be proud of her. For what? Assault charges, or not knowing that the Underground Railroad is not a real railroad? Cynthia tried to ditch Peter for the millionth time, so not much going on there. This was the finale, but the only interesting ending blurb was that Kandi wrote Ed Sheeran‘s recent hit, Shape of You. The reunion looks like it should be a doozie.

🍷 So far, The Real Housewives of Potomac is a bit of a snooze. Katie had her casino night, and everyone seemed way overdressed for the venue, which looked like a Holiday Inn meeting room. The night included a performance of the strangest tribute to the Jackson Five, or tribute to Michael Jackson (okay, I wasn’t paying attention, but it was a Jackson tribute), that I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen a lot of them. Or any really. It was a trio of dudes who looked and sounded like an act out of a high school middle school talent show. I honestly didn’t know what to make of it. We were introduced to new girl, Monique, whose husband is with the NFL. Maybe she’ll breathe some life into this already stale group.

🙌 And this goes for every other day of the week too…

MondayAwesome

Apr3

April 3, 2017 – Agrabah is Found, Rick is Found Out & a Coupla Wives Notes

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

I’m not sure why, but I almost typed One Day at a Time. I must be having 70s TV flashbacks.

David paces as he processes that Hook killed his father. Emma tells him that she and Hook had a fight, and Hook left town.

The Nautilus speeds through the ocean. It goes out of control, and the crew is tossed all over the place. Nemo says they portalled into another realm. Hook says they have to go back to Storybrooke, but they need Kraken blood and Gideon used the last of it. I hate when that happens. Hook says they’re going hunting.

Jasmine and Aladdin are still looking for Agrabah. Aladdin insists it’s not there in the Enchanted Forest. He thinks they should just make a new home in Storybrooke, but Jasmine says sorry, she can’t. He tries to kiss her, and it’s a no. A ring falls out of her pocket, and she thinks the wish gave her a reminder of how she’s failed. She knows what she has to do.

Many years ago, in Agrabah, Jasmine’s father is offering a dowry, but she says there will be no engagement today. The king says he knows she wants to marry for love, but she has to think of duty; she needs a prince with an army. She says she’s already found a prince – Aladdin. Jafar pops in and says that Aladdin is a loser. He takes out a vial of sand, and tosses some of it at a potential suitor. He disappears, poof! in a puff of burgundy smoke. Jafar says the only way to save the kingdom is for Jasmine to marry him, but she says that’s not happening. He says if she doesn’t marry him by sundown, Agrabah will be destroyed.

In present time, Aladdin and Jasmine row across a lake. He reminds her that they can’t swim. Giant tentacles come out of the water, and they bat at them with the oars. You wouldn’t think this would be very effective, but an oar gets stuck in the creature’s mouth and it disappears. Hook rises out of the water on the Nautilus. He tells them to climb aboard before they get themselves killed.

David and Emma are interrupted by Regina who suggests that she, Emma and Snow have a ladies’ night out. I guess the curse is still going on because David goes home to trade places with Snow. Regina hears me and says she’s working on it.

Hook tells Jasmine and Aladdin that now he has no way to get back home, so thanks a lot. He says they could give him one of their wishes, but Aladdin says it won’t work. Jasmine says Jafar took Agrabah, but she can’t face him again. He took everything she cared about, and she’s afraid of him. She says they can’t find him anyway, but Hook says that’s not true; Jafar has revenge in his heart. He’s heard Jafar is handy with traveling between realms, and with any luck, they can all get back home. He tells Jasmine that she doesn’t have to face him alone this time. She says perhaps Agrabah has found its hero.

Emma goes through a box of treasures, and takes out a ring on a chain. Henry asks if she’s okay. Her phone rings, and she says she’s on her way. She tells Henry they’ll talk later.

Emma goes to the bar, Aesop’s Fables, and meets Regina and Snow, who tricked her into coming. Snow suggests she try an artisanal drink.

Jasmine asks if it helps Hook to stare at the sea. He says he never thought he’d live anywhere else, but every moment he stays there is killing him. He says it’s tough when the person you love doesn’t know how you feel. She agrees, and says she’s made some terrible mistakes in failing her people. She doesn’t think she deserves love. Hook says he was like that, and realized that hiding behind the guilt is the coward’s way. Jasmine says maybe she’s always been a coward.

Back in the day, Jasmine strolls through the market. A man chases a thief. She runs after them, thinking it’s Aladdin. The man takes the thief’s necklace, thinking he’s getting a bonus, and the thief turns into mermaid Ariel. Jasmine tells the man to give the necklace back to her and get lost. She gives the necklace back to Ariel, who says she didn’t have to do that. Jasmine says Agrabah is her city, and she doesn’t like guests treated poorly. I guess we’re ignoring the fact that Ariel stole something to begin with. Ariel says she’s’ looking for a prince. Jasmine asks if he has an army, and Ariel says he has a navy. Jasmine asks if she’s afraid of heights.

Jasmine and Ariel fly around on a magic carpet. Ariel looks through a small telescope, and sees her prince’s flag. Jasmine says let’s find him and save the city.

On the Nautilus, Aladdin asks Hook where Jasmine is, but Hook tells him he needs to concentrate on the maps he’s reading. Aladdin acts like he’s in middle school, asking Hook if he thinks Jasmine likes him. Hook repeats that he has to focus, but suddenly, the Nautilus is jarred. Nemo enters, saying that the Kraken’s damage was worse than they thought, and they’re taking on water. Hook says they’ve stalled. Jasmine joins them, and holds out the lamp. She says she wants to go to the island. They all disappear. No poof! or smoke or anything though.

Regina asks Emma how she feels. Snow calls out some Vikings for leaving the bar without paying. She has a wager; they play darts, and the loser pays both tabs. Emma says she knows Regina wants her to open up, but she’d rather be distracted, and this is a good one.

Aladdin wonders what the price for the wish will be. Hook has to leave, and says good-by to his brother and Nemo. He, Aladdin, and Jasmine leave to find Jafar. They’re led to a hut in the forest, and Hook says he didn’t think that Jafar would be in an off-season tiki bar. Aladdin says it looks like a museum, and Jasmine wonders who needs so many corkscrews. Hook explains the frustration of a cork not coming out of the bottle correctly. Jasmine picks up a vial of red sand that she’s seen before. They think they’re in Jafar’s lair, but it’s Ariel walks in. She tells them welcome to Hangman’s Island. She says she and Jasmine go way back, and Jasmine says she needs Ariel’s help again.

Way back when, the carpet lands. Ariel thinks Eric won’t remember her, but Jasmine says if she misses another chance, shell regret it forever. She says Ariel comes from a world that’s all water, and now she’s in the desert being all strong; she deserves whatever her heart desires.

Jasmine goes into a tent and sees Eric. He thought she changed her mind, but she says she was just scared. She tells him that she hopes he can accept her for who she is, or at least who she is in the water. He says he was bored with regular girls, and he has a love for her people, especially poached with capers. We’re all like, did he just say what we thought he did? and he turns into Jafar. Jasmine says he’s not her hero, but Jafar says it looks like he’s coming to her aid. He tells her time has run out, and she’s going to marry him.

Moving forward, Hook suggests they set the genie free if he gives them what they want. Jasmine can’t believe she’s going to face Jafar on purpose. He appears, poof! in a puff of khaki smoke. He thanks them for his freedom, and knocks everyone out except Jasmine. He wonders if things will work out better for her this time.

Ariel is up and around again, and Jasmine thinks they should look for someone with the heart of hero. Ariel says she stole something she thinks is magic. Jasmine says it’s a weapon, and it’s terrible. Ariel says she can do this. Jafar says he needs an answer. He poofs Ariel back to the sea, and threatens to destroy Agrabah. Jasmine says for the good of Agrabah, she’ll be his wife. He tells her that this is the moment she truly fails her people. He didn’t want to marry her or rule that grimy place. He says they loath him, and he’ll wipe them off the face of the earth. She says that she gave him the ring so that he wouldn’t harm them. He says if she’d stayed strong, he wouldn’t have been able to harm them, but thanks to her weakness, he can. He says he’s taking it beyond mankind’s grasp. Agrabah disappears.

Jasmine says Jafar has already taken everything. He says he has no more business with her, but with the ones who trapped him. He tells her to bring better people next time. She says they’re all heroes, and they think she is too. She asks where Agrabah is. Jafar says the answer amuses him, and he wonders why she can’t see it’s at her fingertips. She says the first wish worked, and she sees a tiny Agrabah in the ring. Jafar says it’s as she left it, except smaller. He asks for the ring, but she won’t give it to him. She holds up the vial, and asks if it looks familiar. He tries to take the ring, and she throws the vial at him, and he disappears poof! in a puff of magenta smoke. When the smoke clears, he’s a walking stick.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Aesop the bartender (although he prefers mixologist) gives Emma some drink ideas. He talks about story writing and lost love, and she relates. She thought Hook would stick through things no matter what, but when things got tough, he took off. Aesop gives her a napkin to dry her tears. She tells Snow and Regina that she needs to move on.

Jasmine tells Hook she’s sorry she couldn’t help him get home. He says maybe someone in Agrabah can. She explains that it’s in the ring. He asks if she doesn’t want to use the last wish to bring it back. She says if she was to use it, it would be to free Aladdin. Her father told her that duty comes before love, but she finally realized that the way to get Agrabah back is the kind of magic thatc ould break any curse. She kisses Aladdin, and poof! the city returns. Hook is impressed. Aladdin calls Jasmine a hero.

Hook takes out the Jafar stick. Ariel says she’s sure he’ll find someone to help him. She gives him a shell, and says they can get a signal to Storybrooke if someone is there to pick it up. He says he has one just like it at home.

Emma gets back and hears a rumbling from her treasure box. It’s Hook calling shell to shell. He says he didn’t mean to leave, and Gideon sent him away. He’d never leave her, but Gideon wanted him out of the way. He’s trying to get home, and won’t stop until he does. He loves her. She says she loves him too, but he doesn’t hear it.

Aesop walks up to Emma with the napkin in his hand, saying that as long as he holds the tears of the Savior, Hook can’t hear her. She should be careful where she leaves them. Emma says he’s not Aesop, and sure enough, he turns into Gideon. He tells her that he needs her help. She says not in a helping mood. He says love makes us do things we didn’t know possible, and Hook will stay where he is unless she helps him.

She has to do the one thing he could never do – kill the Black Fairy.

Next time, Emma says she won’t help Gideon, Gold says all darkness comes from the Black Fairy, and we go back to Neverland where there’s a giant spider!

The Walking Dead

♫ Easy street! ♫ Just kidding. Sasha listens to some blues on an iPod. She hears someone tell her to wake up. It’s Abe. They kiss. He says he’s all kinds of glad to see her. She asks if he’s back, and he says not yet. He tells her that Maggie is in trouble. She tells him not to go.

IRL, Negan tells Sasha welcome to the first day of the rest of her life, and bears some food. He says she’s going to help him get things back on track. He says he doesn’t want to see her die, so she doesn’t have to. Someone does, but not her. They’re going to help solve some sh*t. He gives her pancakes with a smiley face in berries on them. She asks what he needs from her.

Rick asks Dwight why, and he says he wants it stopped; he wants Negan dead, adding that they’re all Negan. Tara says the girl he murdered had a name. Her name was Denise, and she was a doctor who helped people. He says he wasn’t aiming for her. Daryl grabs him, and puts a knife in his face. Dwight tells him go ahead. Michonne doesn’t think they can trust him. Dwight says what he did, he was doing for someone else. Now he’s here, and so is Daryl, because of her. Tara encourages Daryl to kill Dwight, but Dwight says if they work together, they can stop them. Daryl knows he’s not lying. Daryl pulls back with the knife.

Rosita says they have Sasha. She doesn’t trust Dwight, but trusts Daryl. Rick says Negan is coming tomorrow. Dwight says he can slow them down by blocking the road with some trees, and buy time for them to get ready. If they can take them out, that’s where they start. He’ll radio back to the Sanctuary where Negan lives, telling them everything is okay. They drive the trucks back, get the workers on their side, go from outpost to outpost, and build an army.

Daryl tells Rick that if Dwight is lying, he’ll kill him slow. Rick says if he’s lying, this is already over.

In the alternate reality, Abe tells Sasha that he has to go. She tells him she had a dream that he died.

Negan tells Sasha that’s the plan. When she comes out, they’ll stand down, if they haven’t already. Lucille will have her say, and they’ll move forward with a new understanding. Sasha sheds a tear, and he asks if that’s for real. She says no one has to die, and he says you can’t do anything without punishment; it’s how they built everything they have. She repeats that no one has to die. Negan suggests just one then. He was going to pull three out, but just one and just for her. She agrees. Negan says she has him wrapped around her finger, and if she had a d*ck, he’d still feel the same way.

Maggie says they don’t have Oceanside, but they have the guns. She doesn’t trust Dwight. She says if Negan figures things out, they’ll need help. Jesus says it’s a tough decision, but he’s glad she’s the one making it. Enid gives her the pocket watch that Maggie’s father gave to Glenn.

Carol and some of the Kingdom knights come across a blockade of shopping carts, and Morgan wandering around. Carol asks if he wants to ambush them on his own. She says if he kills anyone, they might lose their advantage. Ezekiel asks if he seeks to extinguish everything he was. Morgan says he doesn’t seek it, but he’s stuck. Ezekiel asks if he wants the Saviors dead. He does. Ezekiel says that the Saviors are a dragon with many heads, and they have to seek allies. He asks Morgan to join them. He asks if Morgan wears Ben’s breastplate to honor him or for himself. He tells Morgan to fight with them; the Saviors will be defeated, so no one will suffer under them again. Ezekiel, Shiva/Sheba/Shoo-be-doo-be-doo, and the others move ahead. Morgan follows.

Rick and company roll out with a bunch of trucks and bicycles. The Scavengers are with them. Jadis asks Michonne if Rick is hers. Michonne thinks they should get back to work. Stupidest. Scene. Ever. And Jadis is not understandable half the time.

Aaron, Daryl, and Rosita put together some bombs.

Negan and his dudes find the tree blockade. Eugene asks if he could have the opportunity to slow their jets and cool their roll [sic].

The Alexandrians prepare for battle along with the Scavengers. One of the Scavenger chicks says “we win” to Michonne, because they talk like three-year-olds.

Sasha listens to more music, and says you know how this is gonna end. Abe tells her they’re going to walk out the door together, kick sh*t, and eat snakes. She wants to sit this one out. She tells him they were at the beach and he got pulled under. He didn’t come back up, and she was trying to find him, but he was gone and she started to drown. He says he hates the beach, and talks about getting sand where it shouldn’t be. I relate. He tells her, lets go help Maggie. Sasha says just once sit one out. She says Maggie’s gotta take care of Maggie.

Eugene says Sasha must have changed her mind about dying. He tells her she’ll adjust, but she says she’s not like him. He says if people die today it’s because of the choices they’ve made.

There are intermittent scenes of Sash and Maggie sitting on a wall. I’m sure they’ll be significant later. Sasha asks Maggie why they’re there.

The lookout alerts Rick. Rick tells Rosita to get in position and he’ll signal. They wait. They hear Eugene over the bullhorn saying all points are covered. He gets out of the truck, and says hello to Rick through the bullhorn, and I laugh because he’s not that far from Rick at this point. Eugene says the bottom line is they might die, but he hopes not. He says the jig is up, and asks if Rick will comply. Jadis looks at Rick. Rick asks where Negan is. Eugene says he’s Negan. I understand the face rick makes. Sort of amused and disgusted at the same time. He gives the signal, Rosita presses the button, everyone ducks, and nothing happens. The Scavengers aim guns at the Alexandirans and open the gate. Bastards!

Dwight comes out of the truck with Negan. The actual Negan. I guess we don’t know if he was sincere or not. Jadis holds a gun on Rick. Michonne sees what’s going on, and that same Scavenger chick says,” we win” again. Well, sh*t.

Negan asks if he’s heard the one about the guy named Rick who thought he knew sh*t, but didn’t, and got everyone killed. Rick says he and Jadis had a deal, but she says she got a better one. Negan says he’s pushed, pushed, and pushed him. He just tried to blow them up. He says Eugene is one of his, and he stepped up. They’re a bunch of animals. The universe gives them a sign, and Rick shoves his finger up its ass. Negan certainly has a way with words. He tells Dwight and Simon, chop-chop.

They uncover a coffin. Everyone is like wth? They stand the coffin up. Negan says they must like Sasha, and so does he. He has her there, packaged for their convenience, alive and well. He brought her, so he wouldn’t have to kill all of them, but that might be complicated. He wants all their guns, every one of them, and a person of their own choosing for Lucille. He also wants Daryl back. And the pool table. Or Sasha dies. And then all of them. He says just because he brought Sasha in a casket, doesn’t mean she has to leave in it. He tells Rick that he sucks. Rick asks to see Sasha.

Negan opens the casket saying she’s not going to believe this.

Sasha tells Abe it felt real. Like they lost, but it’s just starting. He kisses her. He tells her to come on, and she says wait. He says he likes the way she calls bullsh*t, so let him return the favor. She’s going to tell him to stay and she’ll go. She wants to make up for what she said about Maggie. He tells her it’s always for someone else, and if they’re going to kick, there had better be a point to it. No matter where they are, Maggie is carrying the future. Sasha tells him that he’s right. He says putting yourself on the line for someone else, oh my, that is living. She laughs. They leave together.

We backtrack to before Sasha got in the coffin. Eugene walks out with Sasha. He says they could be watching the roads. He gives her an iPod, saying he wished he measured up. She says he still can, and she hasn’t given up on him. Sasha tells Negan that she can use a nap, and just give her a bottle of water. He says he knows this is tough, and appreciates it. She gets in the coffin, and he tells her that she’s something else.

Sasha looks at something – I couldn’t see what it was – and listens to the music. She takes the pill that Eugene gave her.

Negan opens the coffin and it’s zombie Sasha! She goes after Negan, and all hell breaks loose with everyone running around and shooting. Michonne and the Scavenger fight. Rosita is shot, but Tara gets her out of there. Jadis holds a gun on Rick. Sasha continues to try and bite Negan’s face off. Someone pulls her off of him, so she bites that guy’s face off. Rick tells Jadis they can make another deal, and she answers by shooting him, and then pushing him off him off the platform they’re standing on.

More shooting. Michonne is getting her head bashed in, and Jadis has Rick hostage. All kinds of dead people are lying around, who are going to be zombies any second. Jadis acts like a big a-hole, pushing Rick around. She brings him to Negan.

Michonne pushes a broken piece of pottery into the Scavenger’s neck. Jadis tells Rick to get down on his knees, and puts him next to Carl. Negan says that RIck had to go with these filthy garbage people, no offense. He and Jadis look at each other, and she says something stupid. He tells Rick that this is going to make him sad and wish he was dead. Negan says, he’d want a kid like Rick’s, which makes this harder. He tells Carl it’s over. Michonne continues to fight with Scavenger. Rick looks around, and sees someone fall from a balcony, thinking it’s Michonne. I highly doubt Carl is a goner. There will be huge protests of Tiger Beat readers. Is that still a magazine?

Negan says that Rick just lost someone important, and he chose this. This isn’t a warning now, it’s punishment. He’s going to kill Carl with one nice hard swing because he likes him. Then Lucille is going to take Rick’s hands. Rick says he can take his hands, but he already told him he’s going to kill him; maybe not today or tomorrow, but nothing is going to change that. Nothing. He’s already dead. Negan twitches a little. Then smiles. He says, damn, wow, okay.

Negan goes to take a swing at Carl’s head, when Shiva comes out of nowhere, knocking him sideways. I applaud. Here comes Ezekiel with the troops. He says Alexandria will not fall; not on this day. Shiva eats Negan, or somebody. Horses and knights and guns, oh my! Nope, the tiger didn’t eat Negan. Morgan joins in the fray. Negan runs out of bullets. Shiva gets busy flattening people. This is really good!. It also comes to my attention that Jadis has highlights, which seems odd for a garbage person, but also reminds me that I need a hair appointment.

The Scavengers throw Molotov cocktails using soda cans. Everyone runs. The smoke begins to clear. Ezekiel says we finish this, and some of them run after the Saviors. Maggie is there too. Negan gives the finger as they drive away. Ha-ha! The gate closes. The Saviors are gone – for now.

Rick finds the Scavenger who had been fighting with Michonne dead on the ground. Michonne is all bloody, but alive. Rick is pretty happy about that. She says, we, we, we, and Rick says, we are, we will, and kisses the one spot that isn’t bruised. Michonne, Rick, and Carl form a tableau.

Back at Neganland, Negan looks at Eugene, wondering how Sasha ended up dead. Eugene thinks she ran out of air. Negan gets close to his face and says, maybe. He announces that they’re going to war, and everyone goes, yeah!

Maggie goes down Memory Lane with Rick, talking about how she made the right decision to come. She says the decision was made a long time ago. They were strangers and now mean the world to each other. She says Glenn didn’t know them, but put himself in danger for them, and that started it all from the farm to the prison to Alexandria, to this moment, not as strangers, but as family. As she talks, we see all of the characters interacting with one another. Daryl takes a little carved soldier out of the coffin, which I assume was what Sasha had been looking at. It says didn’t know on the back of it. Neither do I. Maggie says that because Glenn chose to be with him on that day, it was the decision that changed everything. It started with them, and grew; all of them to sacrifice for each other.

We see Maggie and Sasha sitting on the wall, smiling at each other, as Maggie continues. To suffer, to stand, to grieve, to give, to love, to live, to fight for each other. Glenn made the decision; she was just following his lead. We see Glenn’s watch in her hand.

Tonight’s show was in memory of Bernie Wrightson, an original creator of DC’s Swamp Thing, an illustrator, and creator of other wondrous creatures.

The Walking Dead will be back in October.

👠 I saw enough of The Real Housewives of Atlanta to see Phaedra get “Porshafied,” which apparently means wearing a wig and having your bosoms fall out of your dress. Another thing I caught was Sheree and Kenya bonding. The sad part was how they were relating over the aggressiveness of the men in their lives.

🏛 The jury is still out for the new season of The Real Housewives of Potomac. I’m just catching it now. For whatever reason, they decided to show triple the Atlanta and wait until the wee hours of the morning to rerun this one. A girl has to sleep sometime.

Apr1

March 31, 2017 – Valentin Agrees to Help Jason, the Weird World of V.C. Andrews & Quotes

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Elizabeth wonders why Franco is asking her to marry him right now. He says why not?

Jason asks Valentin for a favor, telling him that it’s about Jake. He explains that Jake spent the better part of four years with Helena, and he’s trying to find out what she did to him.

Lulu sees Nelle at Kelly’s and introduces herself. Nelle asks if Lulu is going to tell her off. Lulu says what happened is none of her business, and it’s not her place to judge, but she’d like to talk about her daughter, Charlotte.

Alexis enters a dark house. Her phone rings, but when she answers, she gets a dial tone. It rings again, and she asks if it’s Julian. It’s Sam, who is wearing an awesome white swing top with thumbhole sleeves. Sam wonders why Alexis called her Julian, and Alexis says old habits die hard. Sam wants to come by, but Alexis says she’ll come over to Sam’s house.

Sonny tells Michael about the break up with Carly. He says she’s mad as hell and called it quits. Michael says sorry, and Sonny says he doesn’t seem like it. Michael says he’s not exactly in shock. Now that things have settled down, there are no distractions. Losing Morgan could have brought them together or torn them apart, and they decided on the latter. Sonny says he didn’t want this, but Michael says it’s happening.

Lulu asks if Nelle has a minute. Since they’ll be seeing one another, they might as well get to know each other. Nelle was picking up scones for Charlotte’s birthday breakfast, since they’re her favorite. She thinks they remind Charlotte of her mom.

Laura tells Doc about the upcoming trip. He says that he’s not sure what surprises him more, the trip itself or that she’s going with Tracy. He asks if Luke is in jail again, and Laura says that would be amusing if his ex-wives showed up to break him out, but he isn’t involved.

Franco tells Elizabeth that it makes perfect sense. Any two people can shack up, but if they make it official, he’s her husband and can be stepfather to her children. She asks if it’s about the two of them, or him and Jason.

Valentin tells Jason that Helena was a horrible person. He was sent to boarding school, so they didn’t cross paths much. Jason asks about the island, and if there are any scarecrows on it. Valentin gives him a strange, amused look.

Alexis comes to Sam’s bearing diapers and cookies. She’s doing her grandma thing. Sam says she got the feeling that Alexis was drinking when they last talked. Alexis admits to having a bit of a relapse, but went to a meeting, and was coming back from one when Sam called. A new sponsor might be a good idea. A real one this time. Sam says it’s understandable with all she’s been through. Alexis says ironically Julian was again the one who convinced her to stop.

Michael tells Sonny that he’s not taking sides. Sonny asks if he talked to Carly, but he says he doesn’t have to; he already knows what they do. They’re both strong people, and sometimes turn that strength on each other, and they’re taking out the pain they feel about Morgan on each other. Sonny asks if Michael knows how much he hates hurting the people he loves, including him.

Nelle corrects herself, saying surrogate mother, and apologizes to Lulu. Lulu says it’s not her fault. She says there are so many things she doesn’t know about her own daughter, seemingly insignificant things. She said she would know them had she been there at the beginning, but Valentin kept Charlotte from her all of her life.

Doc is surprised that Laura is traipsing across the world because Tracy asked her to. He wonders how it came about. Laura says they seem like an unlikely pair, but they do have a relationship. She says it was Tracy’s fur coat that she wore to flash Doc, and Doc says he’ll be forever grateful. Laura tells him that Tracy has a situation that may or may not have to do with her father. She thinks she should help, because if Tracy goes it alone, she might miss the chance to reconnect with him. And she’s a sucker for Turkish coffee. She says the best part will be the homecoming, and they kiss.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he’s not asking her to marry him because of Jason or Jake. He’d love to be a permanent fixture in Jake’s life, but he’s asking because he loves her. She can show the world that she trusts him and chooses him over all others. She says she’s told everyone that she trusts him, and she does choose him over everything, including Jason; but Jason is Jake’s father, and she has to consider his feelings. Franco says that Jason doesn’t even believe that Jake has a problem.

Valentin tells Jason that’s a weird question about the scarecrows. Jason says thanks for the help, because he’s an impatient jackass. Valentin says that he never intended to be a father, but Helena took that decision away from him. Now, he loves Charlotte and she’s his life. He says he understands, and if Jason wants to search the island, he’ll set it up. He tells Jason that he might want to start with the olive grove.

Elizabeth says that it’s about Jake after all; Franco thinks that Jason isn’t handling it well, and that’s why he wants to marry her. Franco says yes and no. His feelings for her are real; he loves her, and he loves Jake too. He wants to make sure that Jake gets what he needs. Elizabeth says that Jason is still Jake’s father, and she has to regard his wishes. She thinks that Franco should keep his distance from Jake for now.

Sam tells Alexis that dreams can seem very real. Alexis says that sounds rational, but talks about the knocking at the door, and how no one was there. Then the second time, it was Valentin.

Valentin tells Jason that there’s an old olive grove that was planted before Cassadine’s got there, and it had a scarecrow in it. Legend had it that the scarecrow came alive one night, and it might have made an impression on Jake. Jason appreciates the help, and Valentine keeps the offer open. Jason wonders if Valentine has an agenda in helping him, but Valentin says that no child should be subject to Helena. Jason says he’ll do whatever it takes to help Jake.

Nelle tells Lulu that she knows a little about Charlotte’s childhood, but had no idea what was happening. Yeah, I guess she had other things to concentrate on, like the blow out with Carly and Sonny. Lulu says she’s glad that Nelle is taking care of Charlotte. She tells Nelle that when she found out she had daughter, she blew it. She was so excited, she ended up scaring her away. She didn’t think it through, and acted in the moment, making a huge mistake. Nelle can relate to not being able to take something back.

Sonny watches Michael work in some kind of weird proud dad way. He doesn’t want to leave it like this. Maybe Nelle wasn’t the main reason for breakup, but she helped it along. When truth came out, he knows Michael was hurt. Michael says he was sympathetic to a point, but can’t get past what she did. Sonny asks if he’s sure, and if Nelle staying in Port Charles changes anything.

Lulu apologizes for keeping Nelle, and thanks her for listening. Nelle asks how Michael is doing, but Lulu says she hardly sees him. She tells Nelle that Dante said he’s keeping to himself, and throwing himself into work. She hates that he’s grieving Morgan all alone, and Nelle says that she does too. Nelle leaves Kelly’s, and Lulu looks pleased with herself.

Michael tells Sonny that Nelle got a job as Charlotte’s nanny. Sonny says that Nelle probably still has an agenda (WOTD), and asks how Michael might feel running into her. Michael says they’re not like Sonny and Carly. He tells Sonny not to project, and says he can handle it. If he makes a mistake, he has to live with the fallout, and Sonny should know.

Elizabeth tells Franco that right now, his presence is causing an issue with Jake’s father, and she doesn’t want any more disruptions in Jake’s life. Franco says he wants the crappy cards on Father’s Day and to teach Jake how to drive. Elizabeth needs him to give Jake space until they find out what the drawings mean. Then they’ll have him to thank for getting the ball rolling. Franco says okay, they’ll do things her way, but no matter what, he doesn’t want to lose her. She says he won’t, and they kiss.

Jason interrupts, and says when Elizabeth gets a chance, they need to talk about Jake. I like Jason, but I don’t like when he acts irrational. And I like Franco more.

Sam doesn’t know what’s worse, a visit from Valentin, or Julian’s ghost. Alexis thinks about it and says Valentin. He wanted to do the family bonding thing, and gave her the keys to Windemere. She says she kicked him out of the house. Geez, most people would have just said thanks. Sam suggests it might have triggered a response.  Alexis says she doesn’t need anyone to do that, and says she had a weird feeling about the hang-up call. Sam asks for her phone, telling Alexis that she has an app for that. She messes around with the phones, and a map indicates that the call came from a payphone at the gas station near the footbridge. Alexis says that’s where Julian died.

Alexis thinks that Ava might be right, and that Julian is alive. Sam says not necessarily. Alexis says she know she shouldn’t feel this way, but she wishes he was alive. Scout starts to cry, and Alexis wants to jet, but Sam is worried. Alexis says she’s not delusional, just tired, and wants to go back to bed.

Franco starts to leave, and Elizabeth follows him. She says it’s not the best timing, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with him. She didn’t say yes, but didn’t say no either. He thanks her, and they kiss good-by. Elizabeth tells Jason that Franco agreed to step back. Jason thinks he found a lead about the scarecrow. Elizabeth says she has lead of her own, and thinks she knows who can help.

Laura runs into Lulu leaving Kelly’s. Lulu she invites Laura for dinner tomorrow, but Laura says she’s galivanting around the globe with Tracy. Hey, that reminds me. Whatever happened to that show, Galavant?

Sonny tells Michael that distractions don’t work. Michael says don’t worry, but Sonny says Michael is his son. Even if he doesn’t need protection, that doesn’t stop Sonny from wanting to protect him.

Nelle tells Valentin about buying the scones, and says that she ran into Lulu. He asks who approached who, and she says she was leaving Kelly’s, and literally almost ran into her. He asks if she introduced herself, and Nelle thought she was just being polite. Valentin asks her to tell him everything that Lulu said. Ooh, Nelle could be a counter-spy.

Sonny says he shouldn’t be lecturing anybody (truth!), and starts to leave. Michael says if he didn’t make it clear, he loves Sonny, and doesn’t blame him for what happened. He only blames Olivia-J. He says Nelle is screwed up; that doesn’t absolve her, but puts it in context. Sonny says Michael is wiser than he was at Michael’s age, and maybe wiser than he is now. Sonny leaves, and the cheese Michael stands alone.

Lulu thinks Laura and Tracy’s trip is crazy, but it makes sense, and the two of them will keep each other out of trouble. Laura feels badly about leaving right now, but Lulu says it’s okay. She tells Laura about talking to Nelle, and that she’d asked about Michael. She hasn’t learned anything useful, but laid the groundwork. Laura tells her to take it easy; it’s just the first step. Valentin is smart, and they have to be smarter.

Nelle thinks that Lulu just wanted to be familiar with her, and make sure she’s all right to be watching Charlotte. Valentin says thanks for telling him. He tells Nelle that he tried offering joint custody to Lulu, but she didn’t want it, and is suing him for full custody. He says that she isn’t to be trusted. He gives Nelle a new set of keys, saying he’d had the locks changed, since you can’t be too careful. She puts the key on the keyring that Michael gave her.

Michael flashes back to giving the keyring to Nelle. What a coincidence!

Franco gets a text from Jake, who can’t wait to do more drawing with him.

Doc tells Jason and Elizabeth that he has to refer them to someone else, because of the personal history. They need fresh eyes and objectivity. He recommends Andre, and offers to make the appointment. Jason says at least it’s some progress, and Elizabeth is glad he was able to put aside their differences. They agree that Jake comes first.

Sam calls the gas station and asks if they have surveillance cameras.

Alexis gets on the couch with the AA big book. She looks at her phone on the table. She hears something and says it’s just the wind, but it doesn’t really sound like the wind.

On Monday, Josslyn asks Carly when she and Sonny are divorcing, Ned says he’s stopping Larry’s plans, and Jax arrives.

Flowers in My Attic

Let’s talk about V.C. Andrews. I don’t know how it happened, but I ended up spending a Saturday watching Lifetime’s version of Flowers in the Attic, and then every single subsequent film in the series. I’m not sure what came over me, but I fell under the Dollanganger family’s spell.

The books of V.C. Andrews were required reading for the young adults of my generation. I’m not sure why. They’re poorly written, and the stories revolve around – let’s just say it – incest. But for some reason, Andrews spoke to us. Apparently, even after death, as she died in 1986, yet her books continue to be churned out written. Highly doubtful that it’s difficult, but amazing that no one seems to care.

The cinema adaptation of Flowers in the Attic wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t entirely faithful to the book either, and I don’t think fans were entirely satisfied. Then, decades later, Lifetime made another stab at it. While their film was roundly criticized by reviewers, they did something right, because the franchise continued on, including My Sweet Audrina.

For those who live on another planet and aren’t familiar with the series, it revolves around siblings Cathy, Chris, Carrie, and Cory, forced to live in the attic of a Victorian mansion for years, so that their mother could get back into her own father’s good graces and inherit a bundle. She’d been shunned by the family for falling in love with her father’s half-brother, starting the chain of the wrong kind of familial love. When he suddenly dies in an accident, she’s forced to go back to the family mansion. After being trapped together through puberty, Chris and Cathy also fall in love, continuing the pattern. They also find out their mother has been lying to them.

Although I usually find Lifetime movies a let-down – their ideas are always promising, but the endings often fall flat – they got this one right. Despite being panned by critics, it was as though these God-awful books came to life. They nearly followed them word for word. The dialogue is not how anyone in their right mind would talk, unless they stepped out of 1900, and Chris and Cathy have absolutely no knowledge of how life works, even though they’ve gone to normal school up until they’re thirty teenagers. (Wouldn’t they even have thought they’re weird?) Ellen Burnstyn must have had a blast playing the grandmother, which she does with gusto, and Heather Graham is spot on as Corrine. Unfortunately, we lost Sally Draper Kiernan Shipka by the second film, but Rachael Carpani makes a lovely Cathy. I honestly think the reviewers thought the actors wrote this themselves; they did the best they could with the bizarre material. I mean, come on, the evil guy’s name is even Bart.

As with most binge watching, a sadness came over me as the final credits rolled. So bad, they’re good, it was a fun trip down Memory Lane. If you’ve never taken a dip into the strange pond of Andrews’s work, check them out next time around. Fans of the book series will not be disappointed.

Quotes of the Week

Acknowledge your gifts and be grateful to the source. Because if you know from whom you are receiving, you can always go back for more. – Rabbi Noah Weinberg

In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity. – Albert Einstein

I get all the tigers I can. At a reasonable price. A hoarder on Hoarding: Buried Alive.

🌻 To whatever attic flowers you enjoy…

PsychedelicFlower

Mar27

March 26, 2017 – A Happy Ending, an Unhappy Prisoner & a Thought or Two

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 Once Upon a Time

The Evil Queen arrives at a village, looking for Snow White. She wants the villagers to see justice served, and tells the guards to gather them. Her father tells her that she should show mercy, but she says she came for a heart. She finds nothing but straw though. She says someone is going to tell her where Snow went. She tells them that Snow doesn’t love them; she does. Tinkerbell appears, and says that the Evil Queen doesn’t care about love. She was there when the queen threw her chance at love away. The Evil Queen asks Tinkerbell if she shouldn’t be sleeping in a tulip somewhere, and the fairy says she used pixie dust to show the queen her future and the man she should be with. The queen says nothing dictates what she should do, and Tinkerbell says pixie dust only shows the possibilities; the rest is up to her. The Evil Queen says she’s happy with how things are, but Tinkerbell says she believes she doesn’t deserve love. The Evil Queen says she’ll spare Snow’s life to show that she loves everyone. She tells Tinkerbell that she hopes she enjoyed the show of mercy, since it’s the last. I guess she doesn’t love them that much.

In Storybrooke, the Evil Queen tells Robin that Regina wants to keep her dark side a secret. He says he might have the solution, but she says it’s not New York. He belongs in the realm she created with her wish, but she wants him to steal something first.

They go to a graveyard. Robin asks what this is about. The Evil Queen tells him to stop asking questions and dig.

Snow and Henry look at Emma’s ring. Everyone is happy about the engagement. Henry asks how Hook proposed, but Emma says she didn’t give him a chance. She says that Gideon is still out there, and she has to deal with that. Regina and Zelena join them. Regina tells them the snake got loose, and if she shook off her mortal coil, there’s no telling what evil she might be up to.

Robin asks the Evil Queen if they can’t use magic. She says what fun would that be? Robin unearths a box. It has the shears in it. She tells him that they’re capable of setting someone free of their fate. She’s going to use them to finally separate herself from Regina, and then she can destroy her.

Hook sees Captain Nemo on the docks. The captain says, you can tell the ocean your secrets, but will she tell you hers? ♫ Hi-diddly dee! A pirate’s life for me! ♫ He didn’t sing that; it just popped into my head. It’s time for him to go back to The Nautilus, and he wonders what Hook is going to do with his life. Hook says now that he’s found the woman he wants to marry, his past has caught up to him. He doesn’t get a happy ending. Nemo asks who knows Hook’s secrets, and Hook says only him. Nemo tells him that he must tell Emma the truth or keep it to himself forever. He tells Hook to seek forgiveness, because whatever happened will always stay with him.

The Evil Queen wonders if Henry is looking for the pen that’s in her hand. He’s surprised that she’s managed to de-snake herself. He wants the pen back, but she thinks he’s going to write her out of the story. She says that’s what Regina wants. Henry says there’s good in her like there’s bad in Regina, and that means she can change. He doesn’t know what he was going to do. She finally got her revenge, and is she happy? She says she will be. He asks what she’s planning. She says it’s something that he won’t like, but he’ll realize it’s for the best. She gives him something for Regina, and says no matter what anyone else says, she loves him.

Back in the day, the Evil Queen’s father says they need to talk. She says she knows he’ll say revenge won’t make her happy, but she wants to find out for herself. He says he’s there to help her get it. He talks about how happy she was riding, and she says that’s the day she met Daniel. Her father doesn’t believe that killing Snow will help her, but he thinks he can get her what she wants. He gives her a map that will lead to something that can find Snow.

Forward in Storybrooke, Regina shows the others what the Evil Queen sent to her. It’s a page from the book that’s been ripped out – Robin and Regina kissing, an ending that will never be. The Evil Queen wants her to know that she’ll hurt Robin unless Regina faces her. They think it’s a trap, but she doesn’t want to leave Robin. Henry says maybe he was wrong and the Evil Queen can’t change. Regina wants to go alone; otherwise, she’ll hurt everyone she cares about and she can’t let that happen. The queen is getting what she wants – their fight ends today.

Robin says this wasn’t what he had in mind by wanting the queen to tie him up. He’s bound to a chair, and gets the rope undone, but it’s enchanted rope, so it ties itself again. He says all she’ll do is make a martyr of Regina. He tells her to release him; he doesn’t belong here, and neither does she. He thinks maybe he’s there to save her. She says she doesn’t need saving. He says she could use a place for a fresh start. Regardless, in a town full of heroes, a villain like her doesn’t stand a chance. She says the only one who doesn’t stand a chance is Regina.

In the Enchanted Forest, the Evil Queen’s father leads her to a portal. She says it’s dripping with light magic, and he tells her he found it through Tinkerbell. The Evil Queen says he lied; this wasn’t about getting her revenge. He tells her it’s about getting something better. They go through the portal, and see a statue of Cupid. He tells the queen that it’s Cupid’s arrow; it’s a tool. She can use it to see who loves her most, and use it to find him. The Evil Queen says she thought he was on her side. She says she’s getting what she came for – revenge.

On our side of the border, Hook is about to burn the dreamcatcher in the fireplace, and flashes back to killing David’s father. Emma sees him, and says it was him. He says he tried to tell her, but she found the ring and he didn’t want to ruin the happiness. He says he was a broken man for a long time. She says he was going to burn his memories, and he says he was ashamed and scared he was going to lose everything. She says it’s not easy, but he would have been forgiven. He says he’s destroyed his own family, and he didn’t know how he could live with destroying hers. She tells him that they can’t hide things from each other, and he should know that. That’s why she thought they were together, and when he’s ready for that, they can talk. She gives him back the ring.

Hook finds Captain Nemo, and asks where he’s headed. The captain says destinations never matter, and asks what happened. Hook says the captain gave him good advice, but he didn’t take it. He’s not the man Emma needs him to be, and he has to find that man. The captain once said that the Nautilus could help a man discover who he could be. Nemo says get on board.

Regina goes home, and the Evil Queen shows up, poof! in a puff of purple smoke. She shows Regina the shears and says she’s going to destroy her.

Meanwhile, back at the Cupid statue, the Evil Queen smushes up some flowers, and says now we’re getting somewhere. She’s going to find Snow. Her father says not everyone gets a second chance at love, and this arrow will allow her to gaze on who she loves most. She says there’s a thin line between love and hate, as Martin Lawrence learned in the movie of the same name. The tip of the arrow turns black, and she says that now she can gaze on who she hates the most, Snow White. She shoots the arrow.

Moving on. Regina says it’s always about revenge, and she’s ready. She says the town isn’t big enough for both of them, and the Evil Queen says they finally agree on something. The shears glow, and purple lightening bolts shoot between them. The queen tells Regina, see you on the other side, and cuts the bolts. Regina says, let’s finish this. They both make swords appear and start to duel.

Rewinding, the arrow heads to the castle. The Evil Queen says Snow must know she’s not there, and wants to steal from her. She goes back home, but can’t find Snow. She says the arrow should have led her to gaze on the person she hates most. She sees herself in a mirror and smashes it.

The Storybrooke duel continues. It must be weird fighting with yourself. Says Tyler Durden. Regina throws a disco ball at the Evil Queen. The Evil Queen throws her against the wall. She says Regina has been fooling herself. She’s all that will ever be inside of her. Regina says she’s wrong, and the tree mural wallpaper comes to life, trapping the Evil Queen in its branches. Cool! Regina says what’s inside her is real, and the Evil Queen can’t take it away. She takes the queen’s heart. The queen says she hates her. Regina starts to crush the heart, and sees herself in the mirror and remembers. She says she doesn’t anymore, and releases the queen. She says she’s going to do what they never could – be brave for the both of them and choose love over hate. She takes both of their hearts and puts them together for a moment. She puts the hearts back in their respective owners.

The Evil Queen wonders what’s happening to her. Regina says she gave her some love, and she’s taking back some of their darkness. She’s part of her. They’re part of each other, whether she likes it or not. Regina says she loves herself, and so should the queen. There’s a one-sided hug, and the queen tentatively hugs back.

Regina asks if Robin is okay. The Not-As-Evil-Now Queen says she kept her word, and sent him where he wanted to go. She says Gold was too busy worrying about his son to mind the shop. Regina is sorry she didn’t get to say good-by, but the queen thinks maybe it’s better that way. She asks if Regina regrets not walking into the tavern that day, but Regina can’t imagine a life without Henry and all of her Storybrooke friends. It wasn’t her happy ending, but it gave her hope when she needed it most. The queen says she wouldn’t mind some hope. She not sure what she’s supposed to do. She needs a fresh start but has no clue where that is. Regina thinks she knows who can help.

Henry asks where he should send her, and Regina says where she can start over and have a new life. Emma frets that it’s against the rules to change things. Henry says he’s not supposed to affect those in his book, but she’s not in it. Zelena and Snow are worried she’ll still seek revenge. Snow says she wants to believe in her, but not everyone is redeemable. Regina tells Snow that she’s given the queen what she needs to make the right choices. Zelena says don’t blame her if she wakes up to a crushed heart. The queen says that won’t happen – at least she hopes not. She’s truly sorry, and promises to do the right thing. She’s sorry for what she put Snow through again.

Henry calls the queen “mom,” and she says he never called her that before. They hug. Henry asks for his pen and if she’s ready. As he writes, the queen thanks Regina. Regina tells her to promise she won’t waste a single minute. Henry writes that the Evil Queen went to a place where she got a fresh start, and she disappears into some sparkly lights. They wonder where she went, and Regina has her ideas. I have an idea too – did anyone have her take the curse off of Snow and David?

The queen appears in a tavern. She wonders where she is, and then sees Robin. She sits across from him. He asks if she’s kidnapping him again, and requests to finish his ale first. She says that’s not what she’s doing, and he says her villain plan must not have worked out. She says she’s okay with that, since she had a change of heart (wink-wink). She was wondering if maybe she could buy him a drink. He says it’s his round; he’ll buy her one. They clink glasses.

Back to Storybrooke. Snow finds Hook on the docks. He asks if everything is okay. She says Regina did it – she vanquished the Evil Queen, and gave her a happy ending. She didn’t think it was possible after all these years, but it was. Love can save even the darkest souls. She says Emma told her about the engagement, and she couldn’t be happier. She tells him that Emma waited a long time for someone to share her life with, and Snow is happy it’s him. She leaves, and he looks at the ring. Oh, go on. Tell her.

Emma comes home to a dark house.

Nemo asks if Hook is ready for adventure. Hook says he’s going back to Emma, because even villains get second chances, and hopefully third ones. The Nautilus starts to submerge. The captain says he didn’t give the order. Gideon appears, and says that he did. He tells Hook that for what he has planned, Hook can’t be in Storybrooke. He disappears, poof! in a puff of red smoke. The Nautilus starts to go down into the water as Gideon watches from the docks.

Emma looks out window. She turns out the lights.

Next time, Emma wants to move on, Aladdin is back, and Ariel joins the team.

The Walking Dead

Tara talks about the women she met at Oceanside, and how they have guns. Enid asks Carl if he ever thinks about who he killed. We see the Alexandrians taking boats to the island.

Maggie teaches gardening at Hilltop.

Rick gives Michonne a boost up a tree. She asks when the clock starts, and Rick says as soon as she’s up there. Jesus and Daryl put together a bomb. Jesus says he should have tried harder to stop Rosita and Sasha. Daryl says they can take care of themselves. He knows people have to die.

Sasha has been taken prisoner. A dude asks if she’s okay, and she asks for water. He introduces himself as David. He says last night was a sh*tstorm, and he’s the guy who gave them the rope to tie her up. He says if he gives her water – which he’s not supposed to – will she do something she’s not supposed to for him? He asks how thirsty she is, tearing her shirt, and she tells him to go to hell and headbutts him. He says fighting will just make it last longer. Negan comes by and asks what he’s doing in there. Answering his own question, Negan says he’s trying to rape this woman, and it’s unacceptable behavior. Rape is against the rules there, and he wouldn’t want to be somewhere that was let fly. He takes out a Crocodile Dundee sized knife, and says David crossed the line. David says sorry, and Negan stabs him through the neck, saying he doesn’t accept the apology. He tells the guard to get Sasha a new shirt, and tells her he’s sorry she had to see that. He adds sorry about the rope, but she caused one hell of a fracas.

Negan says he remembers her. She was there, and he gets it now. He tells her that she’s got beach ball sized ladynuts. Ha-ha! The phrases this guy comes up with! He asks if Rick put her up to this. She calls Rick his bitch, and says no. He says that’s not the way it’s going to go; this could be the beginning. He puts the knife in front of her. He says she can use it to take him out, but since he’s above her, holding a baseball bat, that would be a bad idea. She could slit her wrists, but that would be a shame. She could do nothing, and let David eat her face, which would also be a shame. Or she could save herself, and join the cause. He knows what he’d do. He tells her that he’s a man short, and he’d like to harness the heat. She could help him run this place. That’s all it was ever about, and still can be for her. He knows it’s hard to picture, but they all have sh*t to get over. He tells her to think about it. No pressure. He apologizes again. He asks her to understand that they’re not monsters.

Eugene brings supplies to Sasha. He explains the pillow isn’t hypoallergenic. He shares that there was debate about him coming, and was told he’s on his own. He says taking up with the management was indeed the right select for him, and suggests she do the same. He says he was full tilt delusional, thinking he could be brave. Referring to Abe and Glenn, he says to see someone brave get killed like that, and then a repeat, he couldn’t. Being there means he’ll never have to again, and neither will she if she says yes. He says Abe would want her to. Then says, no, he wouldn’t. He does though. Things have changed, and they can change with them. They have to. She tells him to go.

Eugene makes a sad face. He looks at David, and says he’s starting to…and Sasha says go. He leaves, and she looks sad. David starts twitching, and opens his dead eyes. Sasha looks surprised, which surprises me.

Maggie is outside the Hilltop wall, unearthing a tree for transplanting. Gregory joins her, and she says she’s never seen him outside the wall. He asks where her friends are, and she says they’re looking for something they need. He wonders why she’s still there. He says it would be better if they could present a united front, and she says it would be easier if they were a united front. He says she’s right, and he needs to be more forthcoming. She says it’s never too late to change, and if he’s serious, she’ll talk with him later. She asks him to keep watch while she digs out the tree. He has a knife. He gets close to her. He makes a lot of faces, then looks like he has a headache, and doesn’t follow through. He sees a zombie, and Maggie says she’ll do it. He says he’s there to protect the pregnant woman. She asks if he’s done it before, and he says he wouldn’t be there if he hadn’t. He runs up to the zombie, chickens out when he gets close, and then says fine, do it. Yikes! Another one jumps him while Maggie is struggling with the first one. He calls for help, like she doesn’t have enough to do. She stabs zombie one in the head, and then deals with Gregory’s zombie. He pukes. Some guys are walking by, and stop to look at them. Maggie says he hasn’t killed one before; he’s learning. One of the guys says that’s not what he told them. Gregory thanks her.

On the island, everything is all idyllic. Tara is waiting for Tanya in her cabin. When Tanya walks in, Tara draws a gun and says hi. Tanya says they should have just killed her. Tara says she’ll be glad she didn’t. Cindy walks in and says Tara promised. Tara says she did, but she didn’t have a choice. She says her friends are out there, and they’re going to take this place. They’re going to fight the Saviors, and Oceanside should join. Tara says the Saviors came back. They killed her friends, her girlfriend, and took over. They’re doing whatever the Saviors want them to, but they’re going to fight back. With Oceanside, they’d have an army. Tara says they’ll win; just talk to Rick. She says she can stop it, but they have to tell her right now. She didn’t want to break her promise, but the world doesn’t belong to fair people. Tanya says if they take the guns, they’ll be killing them. Cindy thinks they should talk to Rick and try to stop it, but Tara says they can’t.

Explosions start happening. Michonne acts as a sniper just in case. Daryl tells a group to put their hands on their heads, and Jesus adds please.

Tanya asks if Tara’s people are killing her people. Tara says the bombs are outside the walls. She tells them that it’s time to move. They get the better of Tara. Cindy holds the gun on Tara and finds out it’s not loaded. Tara tells her to just talk to Rick. Outside, everyone is being rounded up. Gabriel tells them that they want it to be as simple and peaceful as possible, and they can make it that way. Rick says they made a lot of noise, and want to wrap this up quick. No one needs to get hurt. It’s about what they need.

Tanya comes out holding Tara in front of her. She says no one is taking anything, and to leave or Tara dies. Rick says nothing has changed, and to put the gun down. Tanya says they just want to be left alone. Rick says to let go or they’ll get killed. Cindy tells the people that Rick wants to fight the Saviors. Somebody says they tried that once, and it didn’t’ turn out so well. Tara says they’re going to win, with or without them. Cindy says it’s over, and Tanya says after everything they’ve been through, it’s futile to want to fight them. Cindy knocks her out while she’s yapping away, and here come the zombies. Rick tells everyone to shield the children.

They get ready to kill the zombie horde, and it’s a bizarre bit of overkill. They waste a lot of bullets for people who are concerned with gathering guns. To their credit, there are also a few head stabbers. Rick shakes hands with one of the women. Tanya tells them they’re not fighting; take their damn guns and go.

Meanwhile, back at Neganland, Negan sees that Sasha has dispatched David. She says you win, and he says no, you win. He tells the guard to get someone to clean the mess up. He takes the knife back, and says she has a ways to go before he’ll believe she’s on board. Baby steps. Still, the way she surrendered just now was a good start. They have to work on some things, but he’ll make it fun. He says a little birdie told him that Rick and company are up to no good, and she’s going to find them a win-win. He says he’s going to show her a taste of what they have to offer, and tomorrow is going to be a big day.

Gregory gets out the liquor. He looks at himself in the mirror. He pours himself a stiff one, and looks at a map. He calls for his driver and tells him to pack a bag.

Eugene knocks at Sasha’s door he says it might not seem like it now, but she also knows the correct select. She tells him that she was wrong. She says she’s trapped, and he has to help her. He says he’ll help her get used to the idea, but she says he has to get her a weapon. One way or another, they’ll use her to hurt their friends, and she’d rather not give them the chance. If they have her, Rick’s people will get hurt. She has to die; it’s the only way. She knows that Eugene won’t stop them, but don’t let them use her. She begs him to give her something to stop this. The worst thing about this whole scene is that Sasha is behind a closed door – we only see it from Eugene’s POV. I would think they could afford better sound at this point, but the dialogue was muffled. I was straining to hear what she was saying, and it’s not like I couldn’t hear the rest of the show. Eugene says he’ll consider it. We finally see Sasha and she’s smiling. She thanks Eugene. So I get why we only saw things from his side, but take a few bucks from the zombie budget and hire an extra boom person for the day.

Jesus gathers baskets of guns. That’s funny, since usually we hear about Jesus gathering baskets of bread and/or fish. Morgan asks if they really need all of it, and Rick says they do. Carl tells Enid that he thinks of the people he didn’t kill too. Tara tells Cindy that they’ll bring them back when it’s over. Cindy says she wants to go; some of them do, but not all, and it has to be all. She tells Tara that Tanya says they’ll die, but Tara says she’s been wrong before. Tara asks where she is and Cindy says she’s lying down. Tara thanks her for saving her life. Rachel asks if they’re taking it all, and Tara says yep, see you later, and gives her the finger. Rick asks if she’s okay, and she says he’s right; she doesn’t have to feel bad.

Commercial break with important information. Fear the Walking Dead will be back in June.

Sasha paces as much as you can in a tiny cell. There’s a knock. It’s Eugene. He says he’s given things a think, and he’s decided to grant her request. He slips something under the door. It’s a pill. He says certain death in 20-30 minutes. She starts crying because I guess she wanted a weapon. Did she really think it was going to be that easy? Eugene says that she’s honest, brave, and self-aware, and he owes her some things. He says he doesn’t want her to go, but it sounds like she’s gone already. Sasha wonders what the blip she’s going to do now.

Rick and company get back to Alexandria. Jesus asks about Sasha. Rosita says there’s someone here. It’s Dwight in a cell. Daryl goes ballistic, and Rick holds him back. Rosita says he wants to help them. Rick asks if that’s true, and Dwight says it is. Rick looks into Dwight’s eyes and says okay. He points the gun at him and says get on your knees.

Next time, an extended finale. Thanks for the heads up. BTW, I’ve really been appreciating how these shows run a few minutes over the hour as a general rule now. Why? Anyway, next time, Dwight wants Negan dead (get in line), Negan wants Sasha to get things back on track, and Ezekiel an Shiva join the fray.

💋 Feud: Bette and Joan is the best! Learning all the behind-the-scenes politics has been interesting. While it’s no secret that movie stars of the studio era had to play the game, there were power struggles going on with directors and producers as well. My two takeaways for this week are: I’m glad I never had to work with Frank Sinatra, and I wish I had a Mamacita.

🍑 My takeaway from The Real Housewives of Atlanta is how frightened I am that Porsha wants to breed. And that there’s someone willing to help with that.

ScreamPainting

Mar20

March 19, 2017 – The First Ogres War, Plans to Kill Negan are Set in Motion & Random Thoughts

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

The First Ogres War. Or what I’m calling the poor man’s Game of Thrones. Medieval soldiers are in the woods using a catapult. One guy wants out, but Beowulf says if they don’t fight the ogres, they’ll kill everyone. He can be known as a hero or a coward. Beowulf hands him a sword and everyone charges forward. The ogres look just like you’d think they would – giant things with spiky teeth, holding clubs. The soldiers shoot flaming arrows at them and get swatted like flies. Instead of being a hero or a coward, the soldier is squashed when an ogre steps on him.

Beowulf is the only one left standing, and says do your worst. An ogre in armor comes out and whacks him with his helmet. Then he explodes into a fireball, leaving Rumpelstiltskin standing behind him with the dagger. Beowulf says Rumpel killed him, and Rumpel giggles, saying he killed all of them.

Hook sits at Granny’s bar in Storybrooke, throwing back shots. Archie sits down next to him, and asks if Hook talked to David. He says he did, and things went well. Archie asks what’s the problem then? Hook says he found out something about his past. He does want to tell Emma the truth, but he thinks she won’t want to marry him after she hears it. Archie says he’s changed and needs to find that out for himself.

Gold looks for Gideon. The Blue Fairy and Belle join him. He says Gideon’s heart is set on fulfilling his destiny, and needs to kill Emma to make himself a hero. He says he’s already lost one son, and won’t lose another.

In ye olde tavern, everyone toasts to Rumpel. His son, Baelfire, asks if he really defeated the ogres. Rumpel says he did, and shows off the dagger. Beowulf asks why they’re cheering, and Rumpel gives him the sword he dropped. Beowulf wonders how Rumpel was able to defeat the ogres, and says dark magic comes with a price; they’ll all pay dearly for this. Rumpel tells his son not to listen; it’s just jealousy talking. Baelfire tells him that he doesn’t need the dagger now, and should get rid of it. Rumpel agrees to no more magic.

Gideon pops into the Sheriff’s office in Storybrooke. He finds the dagger in a safe, but runs into Rumpel on his way out. Gideon says Emma won’t get the best of him again. Rumpel knocks him out with some magic, saying maybe, but he still has some things to learn from his papa.

Robin hides the box of potions that he stole from Regina. Regina finds him, and says she’s there to apologize for pressuring him to be something he’s not. Robin says it’s taking him longer to get used to this world than he imagined. She asks to help him. He suggests they meet later after he’s had time to clear his head.

Gideon wakes up tied to a chair. Gold says he couldn’t take any chances. Gideon says that his father promised to help him. Gold says he took the dark path to save his first son, but never became a hero. Once you give in to darkness, it’s almost impossible to leave it behind. Gideon says what if he steals Emma’s light magic, and that he thought Gold would want to see the Black Fairy defeated. Gold says no one wants to see that more than him, but giving into darkness can only lead to heartbreak.

Back in the day, Rumpel is doing some spinning. Baelfire comes running in all beat up. He says the baker’s son did it, so he’d look like a monster. Rumpel wants to intervene, but Baelfire says he’ll only make things worse. Some villagers come to the door, complaining that they need protection, and Baelfire says that Rumpel can save them without magic. He can show them he can defeat the beast without the dagger.

Forward in Storybrooke, Zelena walks into her house to find Robin in the kitchen. She produces a green fireball, and tells him he’s not getting her daughter. He shows her the box of potions, and says he needs her help. He needs to break out. He says he came there for a fresh start – new people to rob, new places to drink, new women to whatever – but her sister has thwarted his every step. She asks why she should help, and he says she wants out more than he does. She asks when they leave.

Gold wants to know what the Black Fairy did to make Gideon think that killing the Savior is the only way to become a hero. Gideon says Gold needs to trust him, and Gold unties him.

In the enchanted forest, Rumpel and Baelfire look for the beast. Rumpel says he wants to do it the right way, but he’s brought the dagger just in case. Baelfire says it’s like a crutch, and reminds him of a time he put a fire out without needing help. He tells Rumpel one step at a time. Rumpel gives Baelfire the dagger.

In the present, Gideon gives Gold a book, Her Handsome Hero. The Black Fairy had given it to him. She asked if he wanted to be a hero, and said we’ll see about that. She beat another boy and Gideon heard his cries. He had the chance to save him, but just sat there. He didn’t have what it takes, just like Gold. He wants to show his mother that she was wrong about the both of them, and asks for help.

Gold gives Gideon some tea to drink. It’s been mixed with memory potion. His pain will be gone, and he’ll no longer remember what the Black Fairy did. Gideon says he was raised by the Black Fairy, and pulls out the dagger. He says Gold is no different than she is, and he’s going to help Gideon fulfill his destiny whether he wants to or not.

Way back when, Rumpel sees a bunch of dead villagers and takes a sword from one. He and Baelfire go into a cave, where Rumpel finds a horn and blows into it. Beowulf grabs Baelfire, and Rumpel tells him to stay away from his son. Beowulf says the only monster there is the Dark One. Rumpel asks if Beowulf killed the villagers, but Beowulf says Rumpel did. He has the dagger and commands Rumpel to stay. They’ll think he did it.

Back to Storybrooke, where Gold tells Gideon not to let the Black Fairy destroy his life. Gideon holds up the broken dagger. Gold says there’s good in him and not to snuff it out. If he does this, he might not be able to get back. Gideon says sorry, but go away and don’t try to stop him.

Robin is at the Storybrooke border, and Zelena appears, poof! In a puff of green smoke. Robin asks Zelena where she’s been, and sees that she’s brought her pet cobra. She says with so many dank sewers she couldn’t leave her behind. Regina pops in. She says she should have known. She asks if they thought she wouldn’t notice her magic was missing, and chastises Robin for saying he wanted a fresh start. He says he’s been constantly reminded that he’s somebody who can’t live up to the legacy of someone who died for her.

She tells him to try a potion. He does, but they still can’t get out. Regina says Robin doesn’t understand the world out there, but he says he can handle himself. She says if he really wants to go, she’ll figure out how to break the protection spell. She owes it to both Robins to let him find his happiness, even if it means him walking out.

Beowulf duels with Baelfire. He says Baelfire is just like his father; he doesn’t have it in him. Rumpel appears, poof! In a puff of purple smoke. He says that he told Beowulf to stay away. Beowulf says if Rumpel kills him, his boy will see he’s a monster. Rumpel says he’s taking him back to town and telling them the truth. Beowulf says they won’t believe him, and will think it’s only a matter of time before he turns the dagger on them. Rumpel suggests they find a new village, and Baelfire says he won’t let Beowulf do this to them; he’s the monster and should pay. Beowulf tosses him aside and walks away. Baelfire looks at the dagger. He says, Dark One stop him, and orders Rumpel to kill Beowulf. Which he does.

In the Storybrooke forest, Gideon comes upon his fairy godmother, the Blue Fairy. He says she was supposed to protect him as a baby. She apologizes, saying the Black Fairy was too strong. He says maybe she can help now. She tells him that it won’t be like he thinks, and he says he wants her magic. He freeze frames her, and Gold tells him stop. He says he watched one son darken his heart; he’s not watching another one. He says he’ll do it for him, and slices the Blue Fairy’s hand. He takes a drop of her blood, and her magic goes to him. He tells Gideon that they’ll defeat the Black Fairy and he’ll be a hero. He says he doesn’t think he needs the dagger anymore.

Backing up. Rumpel asks Baelfire what he’s going to do with the dagger. He doesn’t know, but thinks the baker’s son won’t bother him again. He says he’s sorry he made Rumpel give up the power, but they need it to protect themselves. Rumpel says he’s right, and gives him some tea. Baelfire says it tastes strange, and Rumpel says it’s a memory potion. He’s not letting Baelfire follow him into the darkness; one of them has to be strong. Suddenly Baelfire doesn’t remember getting out of the cave, and Rumpel tells him that he hit his head. He says Beowulf won’t be bothering them anymore. Baelfire thinks Rumpel killed Beowulf, and asks how he could. Rumpel says he did what he had to do, and Baelfire says the dagger is turning him into a monster. He runs out, leaving Rumpel alone.

Moving on. Belle asks Rumpel what happened to the Blue Fairy. He says it was the only way to stop Gideon. If he hadn’t, they might not ever get him back. He says Gideon has the sword, and he’s going after the Savior. He hopes there’s enough time to stop him. Belle says they will. He darkened his soul, so Gideon wouldn’t have to. Belle says he finally put their son first, and maybe there’s hope after all.

Hook sits at Granny’s, still drinking, his food untouched. He goes home and calls for Emma, who runs downstairs. He says there’s something he needs to tell her. It’s not exactly easy, and he doesn’t know how she’ll react. She says her answer is yes. He asks what the question is. She says she found something she shouldn’t have, and shows him the ring. She asks if he’s mad, and he says he could never be mad at her. She says no walls, no secrets. She knows she ruined the surprise, but he gets down on one knee and asks if she’ll marry him. She says yes, and they kiss. He doesn’t look too happy though.

Regina messes with her cauldron. Zelena says she’s there to return Queen Cobra before anyone notices she’s missing, and to apologize. Regina says it’s her fault, and Zelena says they’ll go with that then. Regina tells her that when she saw Robin, it was a test to see if she could move forward, and she failed. She says she’ll always be paying the price for what she did. Zelena corrects her, saying the cobra did it. Regina lifts the cover off the cage, and the snake is gone.

Robin is in the woods, and the snake slithers down onto him. It bites him, and turns into the Evil Queen. She’s like, sorry, but she needed some of the potion that was stuck on him. She explains that she’s not Regina, and he should recognize a doppelganger when he sees one. He says he doesn’t care if there’s seven of her, he’s leaving. Nothing will keep him in this abysmal hamlet. She says that he hasn’t had the right tour guide, and when she’s done, he’ll have new appreciation of what Storybrooke has to offer.

Next time, the Evil Queen looks for Snow, and she and Regina have a showdown.

The Walking Dead

Maggie practices knife throwing, and gives lessons. Maggie gets a sonogram. Sasha makes plans. Sasha practices knife killing. Maggie goes over some stuff with Jesus. Sasha visits Abe’s grave. Jesus gives her a blueprint of the Saviors’ camp. Maggie brings Daryl coffee. It’s a busy morning at Hilltop.

Gregory is running out of liquor. He watches as some Saviors come in to the camp.

While Sasha is at Abe’s grave, Rosita asks her for help.

Jesus and Maggie chat. He says he grew up in a group home, so he’s used to a lot of people, but it’s the first time he feels like he belongs. She and Sasha helped him to be a part of things. He says he’s bad at relationships, but she says he should try it sometime. Sasha watches as they talk.

Sasha opens a book that has a carved out inside with bullets in it. Jesus and Enid come in, and she says she was looking for something to read. Jesus says she can have it, but asks her not to go. He says they can’t go after Negan without a lot of people. Sasha says they’re not changing their minds. He asks if Maggie knows they’re here, and Enid says Sasha should tell her about everything. Jesus wants to come along, but Sasha says Hilltop has to be ready for afterward, and Maggie needs him. Jesus asks her to stay, but knows she won’t. He tells her to take what she needs, but they should talk to Maggie; they owe her that much.

Sasha tells Enid that Maggie trusts her and has to be protected. She’s the future, along with Enid. She gives Enid a woven bracelet for the baby, and says maybe she can work on it some more while Sasha is gone. Enid says in ten minutes she’s telling Maggie, and it’s up to Sasha what she wants to do with that.

An alarm is sounded. Enid gets Daryl. Sasha and Enid slip into some wooden boxes. Daryl and Maggie hide in the root cellar.

Simon and his cronies walk into Gregory’s place. Gregory says he wasn’t expecting them so soon, but asks if Simon wants some gin. Simon says he’s into tequila now. Gregory tells Simon that he respects that. Simon says it’s just a quick visit. He says they have somebody, and he wants to be pointed in their direction.

Daryl peeks out through the door, and Maggie tells him to get away from there.

Sasha and Rosita tromp through the woods. They try to hotwire a car. Rosita sees the necklace that Sasha is wearing, and says that she made it. (I guess it was Abe’s? Seriously, who cares about that at this point?) They move on to look for another car. Sasha tries to make small talk, but Rosita isn’t having any. Sasha tells Rosita about some buildings where they might have a good shot, but thinks they should stay outside, do it clean, and maybe get out alive. Rosita says if they miss, they don’t get another chance. Sasha says she won’t miss, but if they get caught, they won’t get another chance for sure. They stab a couple of zombies in the head. Sasha says Rosita should think about it.

Enid gives one of the Saviors a basket of vegetables, but he gives them back and she drops them. He wants her gardening tools. She hands them over, and he opens the cellar door where Maggie and Daryl are hiding. He looks around. They watch him from behind some piles of stuff.

Simon visits Dr. Carson. The doctor says he’s already given them all the medicine he has. Simon tells him that’s not what he wants. Negan wants him to come to their camp. Dr. Carson asks why Negan needs two doctors, and Simon says they don’t. The doctor asks if his brother got himself killed, and Simon gives him condolences. Dr. Carson tells Gregory to arrange for medical care for Hilltop. Simon says fair is fair, and they’re not leaving them without medical solutions. He gives Gregory a crate of aspirin. Gregory asks for a word.

Gregory tells Simon that he’s proven he can work with Negan, but has to hang on to his people’s trust. Someone else might not be as cooperative and have crazy ideas. Simon asks who, but Gregory doesn’t have anyone particular in mind. Simon says if he’s having problems of that nature, to come and see him any time. Just tell the guard who he is, and they’ll let him in – as long as there’s no shenanigans afoot. He says Gregory is a good producer and he doesn’t want him to be stressed.

Savior dude starts moving stuff around in the cellar. He takes a basket of something and brings it outside. Maggie says Daryl was going to kill him, and Daryl says he deserved to die. Maggie says he hasn’t said a word to her since he got there. She asks him to look at her. He says he’s sorry, and starts crying. Geez. She says it wasn’t his fault. She says he’s one of the good things in this world, and that’s what Glenn thought. She wanted to kill that guy too. She wants them all to die, but they have to win. She hugs Daryl and asks him to help her win.

The Saviors leave Gregory’s place as Jesus and Enid watch.

Rosita throws a Molotov cocktail into a car to attract some zombies, while she and Sasha climb a fence to steal another car. We discover that even after death, kneeing a man in the groin works wonders. Sasha drives backward like a bat out of hell and through the fence.

Sasha sees Eugene giving instructions about the zombie guards. She and Rosita are holed up in a building across the way. She tells Rosita that it looks like Eugene is ordering people around. She asks Rosita to teach her some knots, but Rosita says it won’t matter soon. What a barrel of laughs she is. I have the feeling that she and Abe would not have made a good match. He was the only character who actually had a sense of humor. Rosita decides to show Sasha anyway, then stands at the window, aiming the gun. Sasha says Rosita knows how to do everything, and they got lucky having her in the group. Rosita tells her about how she learned different things from various guys. She says a lot of them wanted to protect her, and never noticed everything she was picking up. Sasha asks if that’s how it was with Abe, and Rosita says no. She fell in with him because he knew she could handle things, and she never looked back. Only when it was over. She says she thought she hated Sasha, but maybe she just hated that Sasha picked up on Abe first; Rosita never told him how she felt, and it was stupid to waste so much time. She gets weepy. She asks if Sasha was happy, and Sasha says she was. Rosita says it wasn’t his time. Sasha says he wanted to fight, and the a-hole with the bat took that away. She says no matter how it goes down, she has Rosita’s back.

Sasha looks out the window. She sees a truck coming in. She tells Rosita that they’ve brought Dr. Carson there. She sees Negan, and tries to get a bead on him, but it doesn’t happen. They hear Eugene asking for more walkers over the radio. He says he’s chief engineer, aka Negan. Rosita says they’re going inside.

Jesus meets with Gregory. Gregory tells him that there are too many people in his trailer, and gives him job assignments for the newcomers. Jesus says he must be worried if he wants to split people up. Gregory says who knows what will happen with all the Saviors around. Jesus takes that as a threat, and Gregory says they’re not friends. A guy brings Gregory some tequila, and Jesus leaves.

Daryl asks where Sasha and Rosita are.

Eugene tells the guard he’s with that they need a drill on safety protocol. Suddenly, the guard drops dead, and Rosita comes out of nowhere, telling Eugene to get it together; they’re breaking him out. He says he’s not going. He says he didn’t ask them to come, so go. He practically runs inside. Rosita says she’s going in. Sasha tells her be careful; they could be coming back. But instead of letting Rosita in, Sasha goes inside and locks the gate. She tells Rosita to go. She says it’s not Rosita’s time, and they need her. Some Saviors come out, and Rosita runs.

A man with a crossbow is in the shadows.

Next time, Gregory asks why Maggie is still at Hilltop, and the battle begins.

🍸 If you’re not watching Feud: Bette and Joan, you’re missing out. The casting is impeccable, the acting is on point, and it evokes the period perfectly. And I am so loving the behind-the-scenes story of one of my favorite films, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? While there’s no question of a feud, there are moments where you think at another time, these two strong, talented women might have become friends.

🍑 On the other hand, The Real Housewives of Atlanta is same peach, different day. Porsha has acquired no more brain cells, and possibly lost a few, and Phaedra continues to blame Kenya for some of her marital problems. Seriously? Dude was a raving lunatic who ended up in the slammer, and you’re pointing a finger at Kenya? The trip to Hawaii helped nothing. Bravo needs to stop paying for these trips that are so unappreciated, and send me on vacation instead.