What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Jason walks into Kelly’s, and Danny runs to him. Danny says, this is mom’s friend, Shiloh, and Jason says they’ve met.

Alexis goes to Charlies where Kristina is working. She asks if they can talk. Kristina says she doesn’t know. Can they? Not a very mature response for all her evolving.

Willow tells Chase that he doesn’t understand. He says she got caught up in Shiloh’s cult, and somehow got out, and changed her name. She says she can’t talk about it, and Chase asks why Shiloh scares her. Shiloh is the father of her baby, isn’t he? She admits he is, and Chase asks if he knows. She says, he can never know. Her child’s life depends on it

On the phone, Sonny confirms an appointment for Mike. Michael comes in, and tells him, welcome home. He asks how Sonny is doing. Sonny says he got banged up, but Lucas fixed it. Everything is good. His brother is home where he belongs. Dante is safe.

Dante opens a case that has a gun inside. He starts to put bullets into the cartridge, and says, will complete the mission, with each bullet.

Sam thanks Brad for keeping an eye on Danny. Brad says, his pleasure, but he didn’t do anything; it was Shiloh. Shiloh says he was more than happy to look after Danny. Danny tells Jason that he’s going to grandma’s. and asks if Jason can come. He’s teaching Annabelle a new trick. Jason suggests later this week; Annabelle too. He tells Sam to tell Monica hi, and leaves.

Chase tells Willow there are steps they can take, but she says, Shiloh doesn’t work that way. Chase asks how he works. The more she tells him, the more he can protect her and the baby. She says, Shiloh has the ability to get inside someone’s head. The more he talks, the more he charms you. Chase says, charm is a narcissist’s greatest weapon. They think they’re so great, that they think they can convince you they’re so great. Willow says, he talks, and it’s so easy to listen. He tells you what you need to hear, and before you know it, you’ve unburdened yourself. The secrets you have, now he knows them too. The information is given freely, most of the time. Chase says, what about the rest of the time? She says, he never forces it. He talks in circles, and convinces you that only he can help you with the darkest parts of yourself. Before long, it’s easier to just give in then find your way out. Chase says the night they met, and she stood up to him when he was giving her a ticket, she was so strong and independent. She says that’s what striking out on your own, and giving up your child does; you grow a backbone really fast. Willow is not her given name. When she was a kid, she had a doll named Willow, and pretended they lived on a farm. It was beautiful and peaceful. When she left DOD, she picked a name that made her feel happy and safe. She forgot she told Shiloh about her make believe world. She even told him that; the best part of childhood. Chase tells her not to give him that power. Her name is Willow; she chose it. She says he’s right. She’s Willow Tait, in charge of her own life, and no longer a woman trained to do everything and anything Shiloh asks of her.

Sonny tells Michael that he met a local kid, a pickpocket who knew his way around. He got Sonny to Raj’s compound, where he found Dante. Michael says, just like that, they broke out? Sonny says Dante had to convince Raj he was loyal, and shot him to prove it. It was just a flash wound, but he had to make it look real. He has good aim, and broke them out. Michael says all that training and time undercover helped Dante stay alive. Sonny says, there’s something else. Dante desperately wanted to take Raj down, and found a way to do it.

Dante puts a silencer on the gun, and keeps repeating, will complete the mission. He puts the cartridge in, and checks the sight. Lulu comes to the door, and asks what he’s doing. Dante aims, and shoots her. She falls down, and he says, will compete the mission. He wakes up. Rocco runs in, and Dante says sorry he scared him. Rocco asks if he’s sick, and calls to Lulu, saying, something’s wrong with dad. Dante tells her that he had a dream. Rocco tells him that he was saying no, and Dante says, it was scary; he’s sorry. Lulu tells Rocco, it’s okay. His dad had a bad dream. Rocco has them sometimes. Dante hugs Rocco, and Lulu hugs them both.

Sonny asks if Michael knows what happened in Niagara Falls. Michael knows it was crazy, but his mom and the baby are fine. He’s sure Mike won’t remember, but Carly told them, and he’s happy about the baby. Sonny sometimes wonders how he got so lucky with all of them. Michael says they’re not a bad bunch. Sonny says he might be asking for his help. Michael says, one thing he knows is, there’s no shortage of people to welcome the newest Corinthos.

Alexis tells Kristina, they’re family, and that’s what families do – talk. They also have their ups and downs, but at the end of the day, family can count on one another. Kristina agrees, and says she’s been giving a lot of thought to what family means. It’s not just love, but trust, and trust goes hand in hand with faith. She’s realized the only family she can count on is her family at DOD. She walks away.

Willow tells Chase, what keeps DOD intact is silence. Shiloh says he’s a teacher, but describes himself as a vessel. Chase thinks that’s a bit much, but Willow says, not if you’re a lost soul, praying for someone to guide you. They’re usually searching for answers. Chase asks, was she? She says she had a rootless childhood. They moved a lot. Shiloh and DOD offered stability and a purpose. It’s what a cult provides. At the start, it looks like people helping people. The first step is to make you feel safe. Their mission is to be a safe haven to anyone in need. Chase says, come one, come all, and Willow says, Shiloh is charming, welcoming, and so helpful; eager to help. In the beginning, you feel lucky to have found him.

Shiloh points out that Jason ignored him, and asks if Sam thinks he’ll interfere with her courses. She says she’s not going to let him; she’s not letting anyone get in the way. Brad comes back, and Shiloh tells Sam he’s glad she’s putting the time in on the courses. Brad asks if she’s going back school, but she says, it’s more a self-exploration sort of thing. Brad says he never would have pegged her for that, and Sam says her either. Shiloh says, people change. Sam asks if Danny is ready, says goodbye to Brad and Wiley, and tells Shiloh that she’ll see him later. Shiloh says he hears Brad is family, and Brad says he’s Sam’s brother-in-law, and Wiley is her nephew and godson. Shiloh says their work at DOD is intended for the whole family. He smiles at Wiley, and IMO, looks like an insane homeless person. I’m not seeing the charm.

Brad says Shiloh’s classes must have some message to rope Sam into taking them. Shiloh says he’s not roping anyone in. Brad says it’s just that Sam never struck him as the soul searching type. Shiloh says she’s showed an affinity for what they do at DOD. So much so, he’s mentoring her himself. He holds Wiley, and says Wiley is a born leader. Brad says, he thinks that because all babies look like Churchill, but they grow out of it, and we all laugh. Shiloh says Wiley is his own man; he can tell. They’re offering a new course in peaceful parenting. It’s great for first timers, and will help ease Brad’s jitters. He encourages Brad to bring Wiley. There are more than enough of them to watch him. Brad says he’s thought of everything, and Shiloh says they’re especially welcoming to young children.

Willow tells Chase, Shiloh is good making people think he sees them in a way no one else ever has. Chase wonders how dangerous he is; he needs specifics. She says he makes a big deal about inviting people to join DOD. Then they have to prove their trust. Chase asks, how? and she says they have to agree family control is more important than self-choice. They have to do whatever they’re asked without question. Chase doesn’t want to be intrusive, but he has to ask If, when they had sex, it was against her wishes. They can press charges if she was coerced. She says, it wasn’t like that. He convinced her it was an honor. She was so stupid, so blind. Chase asks what changed her mind? She says something made her see what was really going on, and she left. He asks what it was, and she says, the children. She couldn’t teach them to follow him.

Lulu asks if Dante is feeling better. He says, a little. He’s worried he scared Rocco, but Lulu says Rocco is over the moon to have him home. Dante says, him too. She says that was some dream he was having. Does he want to talk about it? He says he doesn’t really remember, and she says, it sounded intense. He says, whatever happened, when he woke up, it faded when he saw her and their son. She says he’s been through a lot; acclimating might be bumpy. He says he woke up gasping for breath, but now he’s wide awake. Lulu says he’s safe and sound, and he says he can focus on her. He kisses her and says she’s beautiful. She asks if he’s been gone so long, he forgot. He says, not for a second, and holds her. He tells her that he needs to check on Sonny and won’t be long. He leaves, but she looks worried.

Michael tells Sonny, speaking of his brothers and sisters, has Sonny reached out to Kristina since he’s been back. She’s in way over her head. Molly thinks she’s in a cult, given the way she’s been acting. She’s constantly talking about their leader; Shiloh said this or Shiloh said that. If any of them remotely question her, she pushes them away – hard. Sonny says, Jason noticed already, and they discussed the next stages. Michael asks what those might be, and Sonny says, plain and simple, protect his sister, whatever it takes.

Shiloh sees Jason waiting outside Kelly’s, and says he had a feeling they weren’t finished. Jason tells Shiloh, stay away from his son.

Willow tells Chase that Shiloh decided she should teach the DOD children, and she got a degree. It was like an old-fashioned schoolhouse; all the kids, and all ages. Shiloh let her study away from the group, thinking nothing in the world was more interesting than him. When she got distance, she saw it for what it was. Chase asks how big the community is, and she says, it’s not huge, but not tiny. Shiloh plans to expand. Ideally, he wants to raise his followers from the ground up. He’ll welcome anyone, but young people especially. Pregnant, homeless teens, and women running away from their husbands, so their children can be raised in the cult. She couldn’t teach innocent children to admire, follow, and trust him. When she found out she was pregnant, she knew she had to get away. Chase asks how she managed that, and she says she signed up to audit a class in child development. She knew it would show up on her transcript, and used it as a cover to get her belongings out of there and into a storage locker. One day, she left like she usually did, and never went back. She couldn’t let him find her, and sentence her child to a lifetime in prison.

Alexis says Kristina is just cutting herself off from her family? Kristina says, her and Molly certainly. Alexis asks if it’s because they have concerns. Kristina says because they felt she might be drawn to kindness. Alexis says a cult indoctrinates you into a philosophy fostered by a relationship with a single charismatic person, cutting off anyone who doesn’t jump on the bandwagon. Sound familiar? Kristina says she took a hard look at things, and found out Alexis was right; family comes first. Family also inspires trust. Does Alexis trust her. Alexis is like, um… and Kristian says she doesn’t trust Alexis either. Alexis says, but she trusts strangers. Kristina says they see her for who she is – their family. Alexis says she and Kristina’s sisters are her family, and tell her the cold, hard, panful truth; not what she wants to hear. Kristina asks if Alexis is saying DOD is telling her what she wants to hear. Alexis says she didn’t say that; it’s not what she meant. Kristina says, thanks for stopping by, Miss Davis. She’s glad they cleared this up.

Sonny is surprised Lulu let Dante out of her sight. He says he told her he won’t stay for too long. Sonny says no one is there; they can talk about anything. Dante says when he saw Sonny in the cell, he convinced himself that once he got home, everything would feel good; that he’d snap back into his life. Everything would be normal again. Sonny says it’s his first day; it’s going to take time. Dante says he’s right, but he was there for a long time before Sonny found him. He should have trusted his instinct. It was his decision; he chose that job. In order to be over there, and be one of them, he had to prove himself and earn Raj’s trust. Sonny tells him, the job is done. Anyone who loves him understands what he went through. It’s war, and don’t let anyone tell him different. It was war and he won. He avenged Lulu, and took down Raj. He’s home with family. He has to move forward and not look back.

Sam meets Michael, who asks, what’s up? She heard his dad brought Dante back. Michael says he hasn’t seen Dante, but his dad is doing fine. He’s focused on the situation with Kristina. Sam asks, how? Michael thought Jason told her. What Sonny wants is, Kristina out of DOD.

Shiloh says he’s been open to speaking with Jason. He’s not going to argue, since it’s unproductive, but any conflict between them comes from Jason. Jason says, Danny is off-limits, and tells Shiloh, don’t talk to him, touch him, or even look at him. Shiloh says Jason and Sam seem to be at a crossroads. She’s a remarkable woman, and he trusts her decisions are in Danny’s best interests. If that means he’s part of Danny’s life, he has to respect her wishes.

Dante tells Sonny he’s trying to move forward, but feels this anchor, this weight. It wasn’t there before, but it’s there now. Sonny tells him to give himself time. Things will fall in place. Not right away, but they will. Dante says, okay, and tells Sonny, get better. Sonny says Dante can talk to him anytime, but maybe he should talk to someone who can help him get through this. Dante agrees it might be a good idea. Alexis comes in, and says she hit an iceberg with Sonny’s daughter, and can’t believe she’s asking him to step in. She sees Dante, and says she can come back, but Dante says he should get back to Lulu and Rocco. Sonny says they’ll take it up later, and they hug.

Alexis apologizes for interrupting, and Sonny asks, what happened? She says she tried to be understanding, and non-judgmental, but had a hard time, and ended up being very judgmental. She’s had the same argument with Kristina in the past, but this time it was different. Kristina is declaring they’re no longer family, and her only real family is, he guessed it. Sonny says, DOD, and Alexis says, bingo. He tells her, don’t worry about it. He’s well ahead of her, and it’s being handled.

Sam says she can’t tell Michael exactly why or how, but there’s a lot riding on this. She asks when he and Sonny talked, and he says, just recently. She tells him, Jason said he’d give her more time. He asks if she thinks DOD is a good idea, and she says, of course not, but Sonny and Jason getting her out is an even more dangerous one.

Shiloh says he’s learned to relate to the world with caring and kindness, not the anger and violence Jason has embraced. He uses a peaceful path to guide resolutions. Sam is trusting DOD more, and it’s strengthening his bond with Jason’s son. Jason has such a childish coping mechanism, Danny is more sophisticated. Jason isn’t not fooling anybody. He’s angry because he feels them slipping away, and there’s nothing he can do, because it’s a world he won’t let himself be a part of, and won’t open his heart. He puts his hand on Jason’s chest, and Jason says, don’t touch me.

Dante tells Lulu that Sonny is fine. Lulu says Rocco has his baseball cards out, and wants to show them to Dante. Dante remembers the gun and saying, compete the mission. He tells Lulu that he’s home.

Kristina listens to the recording of her trust offering. The secret is about a member of her family.

Alexis asks how Sonny is handling the DOD situation. Sonny says he knows how to handle things. Alexis makes a phone call, and says she’d like to speak to Jordan.

Chase tells Willow that she’s safe. Shiloh is gone. She says, he’ll be back. Now that he knows where she is, he won’t let up. Chase says he might know where she is, but they know who Shiloh is, and so will the PCPD. He won’t give any names or specifics, but just in case. She says, all Shiloh does is hurt people. They haven’t even scratched the surface of what he’s capable of. He gets people to talk, and tell him things. She’s terrified she missed something, and he’ll find out about the baby. Chase says she gave the baby up for adoption, and Shiloh has no legal claims. She says, it doesn’t matter to him. He only plays by his rules, deciding what’s right. Which is why she has to leave town, and not look back. Chase is sorry, but from what she’s saying, he’ll just keep coming. He’ll protect and watch over her. She says it’s not like she wants to leave; she has to. He asks her, please stay. Let him protect her.

Shiloh says Jason’s anger is a manifestation of his fear about Sam. She’s breaking new boundaries, and the more she opens up to him, the more intimate and intense the process is. He says, let him do for Jason what he’s doing for Sam. He reaches to touch Jason again, and Jason grabs him by the throat and slams him up against the wall.

Tomorrow, Jordan asks if someone has information about a possible crime, Anna tells Peter that she wants a relationship because she’s his mother, and Alexis asks what Sonny and Jason have planned.

Vanderpump Rules

Ariana pretends to do a tutorial while putting on her makeup. Tom says, TomTom looks better than ever, and she says they haven’t even opened yet. The Daily Mail party was a tease, and she can’t wait. In his interview, Tom says he’s had singles and doubles, but never a home run. We see clips of his various gigs. He says he’s never seen his name in lights. Tonight he will.

Brittany tells Jax that Lala had a couple of bad ass friends at brunch, and Raquel told them Lala has been mean this summer, and was using the dad card as an excuse. Jax says he would have lost it.

Ariana tells Tom, sooner or later, life goes on, and there comes a time people don’t care if something happens to you. She sees someone hurting in Lala, and thinks grief counselling would help. In Ariana’s interview, she says, anger is a high. She thinks Lala could lose friends or her job by being angry.

Katie is stressed out. She hopes now that TomTom is opening, Schwartz will have time for her. He says he wants to do some romantic stuff in Mexico. In her interview, Katie says she hasn’t seen much of Schwartz, and she’s ready for Tom time.

In Tom’s interview, he’s dreaming of a vison of him and Tom arriving at TomTom. It’s costing him $18K, but the surprise is worth it. Schwartz has no idea. Ariana loves Tom, but it’s hard to understand his excitement over a sidecar that’s nicer than their apartment. Tom gifts her with a helmet. When he leaves, she says, they grow up so fast.

Tom pulls up to Schwartz’s apartment. TomTom is written on the bike, the sidecar, and the helmets, along with individual names on the helmets. Tom tells Schwartz that he’s outside. Schwartz comes down, laughs, and says, wtf? Did he buy this? Tom says he did, and gives Schwartz his helmet. Schwartz says, it’s effing awesome. In his interview, Schwartz says Tom loves grand gestures, and it’s a moment he’ll remember forever. Love you, Sandoval.

The others arrive at TomTom. Stassi remarks that the clock is like moving art. Katie is going to welcome a vacation after the last six months. Out on the road, Tom says he took care of every detail like the helmet, goggles, and suits, but forgot to put gas in.

Kristen and Carter show up. In Kristen’s interview, she says this is a massively huge deal for her. Lisa allowed her to come to TomTom, which means they’re besties. A year from now, she’ll be sipping pinot at Villa Rosa.

Giggy! Lisa and Ken arrive with Nick Alain, along with my TV dog crush. The Toms are on the road, pushing their bike.

Ariana says Tom gave her one job, to get everyone outside. He put the time and money into this big reveal, and if she doesn’t pull this off, they could break up. Tom and Schwartz are now at the gas station. Lisa wonders what they’re up to. They finally come up the road, and everyone cheers, laughs, and takes pictures. In her interview, Lisa says this is why she wanted them involved. It’s a ridiculous, preposterous choice, and also perfect. Schwartz gives Katie a helmet that says Bubba on it. Tom shakes up some champagne, and they pop it open. Lisa cuts the ribbon, and Tom says, welcome to TomTom.

The group sits in an outside room. Scheana and Adam sit on the side. Scheana says they want alone time. They’re not a couple, and that’s a couples table. Okay… Schwartz mingles, and Tom goes behind the bar. In her interview, Lisa says when they had the Daily Mail party, they passed around appetizers, but no money exchanged hands. This is an actual opening, and tonight is business. Brittany orders a tequila shot, saying she’s going to spread it out. In Jax’s interview, he understands, but wants to make sure she’s healthy. Lala drinks mocktails. Kirsten thanks Lisa, and says, it’s beautiful. In Lisa’s interview, she says she banned Kristen from PUMP and SUR, but she paid no mind to that, so what difference does it make? Lisa tells them to pace themselves with the food; there’s a lot coming. The Toms join them, and there’s applause. In her interview, Stassi says Katie has been telling her about Schwartz’s neglect. He’s crazy about Katie, but gets distracted by pretty, shiny things – like the bar, and Tom Sandoval.   

Scheana wishes Adam was coming to Mexico. In Scheana’s interview, she says Adam is her person, but not her boyfriend. They’re just dating. They’re not even dating; it’s confusing. Adam says he’s going to block her on social media. Schwartz says he feels like an owner. He’s walking taller, schmoozing, making sure the bartenders have what they need, and making sure everyone is happy. He feels like a manager; like Guillermo. Lala says she’s going to swim naked in Mexico, and embrace her inner Lala. In Katie’s interview, she says the first time Lala went topless was a different time. We flash back to that. They’re past that now. Both Lala and Kristen are rooming alone. In Lala’s interview, she says she doesn’t care if she’s alone, but she’d have a screw loose if she wanted to room with Kristen. Maybe there’s a room they can lock from the outside.

Stassi asks Lala what happened with Raquel. Lala tells her that Raquel said she was being mean, and can’t use her dad as an excuse. She lost her sh*t, and got very Lala. Lisa calls her over, and asks, what happened at brunch? She heard Lala had an altercation with Billie. Lala says not her and Billie. We see a clip of her calling Billie a ho. Lala says she felt disrespected, but wasn’t aggressive. She said her piece, and left it at that. At the table, Brittany says she was holding people apart, and Adam says he just kept stacking glasses. Lisa asks Lala about James. Lala says he popped in, and they had a civilized conversation. She thought she handled it nicely. Lisa says she’s hearing two different stories, and calls Scheana over. She asks if the brunch was eventful. In her interview, Scheana says she doesn’t want Lala mad at her, but can’t lie to her boss. Lisa asks if it was in front of customers, and Scheana says it was by the hostess station. In Lala’s interview, she thinks Scheana should STFU. She’s not having Lala’s back right now. Lisa says Lala should know better than that not to take it outside. It’s non-negotiable. In her interview, Lala says she respect’s Lisa enough not to throw down in her restaurant. She should have dragged their asses to the parking lot. In Lisa’s interview, she says James claimed he was innocent, but she didn’t believe him. Now she hears he was telling the truth. A first for James.

Schwartz calls Tom a pimp, and thanks him for everything. Tom can’t imagine doing this with anyone else. He hops over the bar, and makes Schwartz a drink hops. In his interview, Tom says, in the beginning, he was always showing his creativity behind the bar. Now he has a menu full of cocktails he created with his best friend. He never thought it would happen. Katie comes to the bar. In her interview, she says she knows Schwartz has to work the room and be one of the Toms, but she wants to share in it with him. She goes back to the table, saying I love you before she goes, but he doesn’t hear. The Tom’s juggle shakers. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he was never meant be a bartender or a sangria ambassador. Maybe a model, but bar owner feels right. He feels like he’s where he’s supposed to be. Lisa dances with the Toms. In Lisa’s interview, she says, it’s their 13^th restaurant, but it never gets old. So much goes into it, when everything comes together – the food, the decorations, and music – it’s magic. Tom wants Lisa to take a ride in the sidecar.

He drags her outside, and she gets in. Schwartz gives her a helmet, and tells her that she looks cute. She’s not sure about this, and Schwartz asks if she has any last words. He tells Tom not to kill their business partner. Lisa screams as they go down the road.

Stassi packs. Beau dances around in a T-Rex costume, the good kind. He tells her that he has T-Rex tacos for her, and bangs his head on the door frame. He’s ready for Mexico. In her interview, Stassi can’t say what the thought process was for Beau dressing up as a T-Rex.. In Beau’s interview, he says he loves doing silly things to make her laugh. Her laugh warms his heart. He tells her it’s his reptilian brain. She say this is why she loves him so much. She says she has to write while they’re in Mexico. She’s behind, and got an extension, but the deadline is still quickly approaching.

Brittany thinks she and Jax should go over some engagement party details. She wants wildflowers, and he says he’s paying for weeds? In her interview, Brittany says, it’s not a democracy. It’s a Britocracy. Jax says he can go in the wild and pick flowers. He’s paying someone to pull weeds. It’s the biggest scam in history.

Tom says, packing hats used to be stressful, but now he has a hatbox. He has to remember scuba grade flippers and snorkel, hairspray, and a full white suit. He points out to Ariana that it’s a different suit than the one he wore to the opening, and says he’s just packing the essentials.

Carter tells Kristen that he needs a vacation. I wonder from what? She says she’s trying to be positive, but everyone keeps giving sh*t. He tells her not to get involved with the drama. She says it makes her not want to drink, and he says maybe she shouldn’t. In her interview, Kristen insists she’s not a bad traveler. We see several clips to the contrary. She says there were a couple of flukes, but on this trip, she’s going to be easy breezy lemon squeezy.

Stassi says if Kristen is crazy this time, it doesn’t matter. She has Beau to protect her. In Stassi’s interview, she says Beau knows her friends so well, they’re his friends. Nothing can happen to shake their relationship. Beau is nervous, but suggests they play it by ear.

Everyone meets at the airport. In Lala’s interview, she doesn’t remember the last time she flew commercial. They had assistant who dealt with her passport and bags, and she was just responsible for herself. They go onto the plane, and see Scheana and Schwartz. In her interview, Scheana says coach was overbooked, and she and Schwartz were randomly selected to fly first class. Katie isn’t pleased, and tells Scheana to trade her, but that’s a no. In her interview, Katie say she loves flying with Schwartz, but they can’t do that this time, since he decided to take a luxury vacation in first class. It doesn’t cross his mind, oh yeah, my wife. Stassi works. Ariana and Tom sleep.

James visits Villa Rosa. He asks Max about the TomTom opening. They play pool, and James says he flipped out when he heard he wasn’t going to Mexico. We flash back to his flip out. He likes hanging out with Max, but would rather be in Mexico. Lisa comes down, and tells them to have some tea with her. James asks about the opening, saying he watched it on his phone. She thanks him for not being there. He says he’s trying be a good person, and she says she knows that. In James’s interview, he says it means the world to him. It’s all he wanted all summer. He wants to respect people who deserve it, and even the ones who don’t. Lisa asks if he’s been drinking, and he says, definitely not. He did have one beer with his dad to celebrate. Lisa tries to explain what’s wrong with this picture, saying his dad knows he’s been doing good with not drinking, so takes him for a beer to celebrate? He says it was a taco place, and beer and tacos are like crumpets and tea. She asks if his father knows he has a drinking problem, and James insists he doesn’t have a problem. She says he lost his job and his friends because of it. It’s a problem. In his interview, James says he bows out of the party, doesn’t freak out with Lala, and still gets lectures. People only notice the bad things. Lisa says she and James’s father are clearly not on the same page. James says his dad thought he deserved a beer. In her interview, Lisa says, you don’t reward sobriety with a drink. It’s like celebrating virginity with screwing. James appreciates Lisa’s concern, but he’s fine. Lisa asks about what he’s doing in his DJ career. He tells her about his latest gigs, and she says maybe his future doesn’t include SUR. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the corners of any human’s mouth turn down as far as James’s do in this moment.

The group arrives at Puerto Vallarta. Even though I have no desire to go to Mexico, I agree it’s beautiful. They chatter in the limo to the hotel, and are met with warm face towels and nonalcoholic drinks. Jax has a bottle for just this emergency. Schwartz suggests they take a moment to appreciate their last moments of sobriety, and gets distracted by the pool. In his interview, he says as soon as the Wi-Fi kicked in, Katie rage texted him through the whole flight. He only cares about himself; she doesn’t know if they’ve made any progress; this speaks of bigger problems – the bubble never stopped. She hasn’t done that in a year. Lala suggests that if he knows Katie is upset, not to ask if she’s drinking.

The view from the upstairs hallway window is amazing, but Brittany is terrified of heights, and won’t look out. When she was a kid, she had a reoccurring dream that Santa pushed her over the ledge at the mall, and she was dangling over the glass railing, so she can’t look out of a window like that. I’d be more afraid if Santa. The rooms are huge and modern in design. Like Ikea, but more upscale. There are welcome cards, and Beau’s says, Mr. Schroeder. Ariana and Tom fight to get to the hammock on their balcony. In his interview, Jax points out, there are multiple places you can feed the hog. He tells Brittany, bad things will be happening in the pool. It’s hungry. Now Bad Things is stuck in my head. You’re welcome.

Schwartz and Katie go to their room in silence. Schwartz sees a card, and Katie gets in the hammock. He says she’s cranky all the time. This is as romantic as it gets right now, and she’s being a wet blanket. I have to agree. She has a point, but ruining a glorious vacation after a major life event isn’t going to help her validate it. She says she hasn’t seen him in months, and when she does, he doesn’t pay attention to her. He says this started because of the seating assignment. It was only a two and a half hour flight. In his interview, Schwartz says, this is vintage Katie, and he has zero patience. He tells her this always happens on vacation. Katie says he’s wrong, but we flash back to other vacations where she’s acted like a shrew. She says, no, he’s right. He’s right about everything. Her, himself, sticking up for his friends instead of her. He says she’s acting like a fool. She says she was so patient and understanding while he was working on TomTom. He says this is just because she had to sit in a random seat, but she says she hasn’t seen him in months; she told him she missed him. He says he had to work. In Katie’s interview, she says she’s not upset about him opening TomTom, but there’s been no extra effort with their relationship. Just because he opened a bar, doesn’t mean he’s allowed to neglect his wife. He says he feels super blech now.

Ariana and Tom hear them from the hammock on their balcony. Ariana says, it’s kind of loud. Katie tells Schwartz, shut up and listen. He’s not listening. Schwartz says he doesn’t like the sound of her voice; it’s a cacophony. He comes up with this word, and couldn’t find something better then blech to describe his feelings? Tom boasts that he pays more attention to Ariana than Tom does to Katie. Ariana laughs, and says he does a good side-eye. Schwartz calls Katie super contentious. Everything about her is yuck. He actually makes a noise, but yuck is the closest I could come with a word. He says, so much for vacation sex. She says he sounds like a d-bag, and he says her IQ is fourteen. They just got here, and she’s being selfish. She tells him, try being with a damaged husband, and he says, try being with a sh*t wife for seven years.  

The operative phrase is, they just got there.

Next time, the vacation continues, Lala tells Ariana she’s not sorry, and Beau wonders how he and Stassi can have a future when she doesn’t trust him.

🌃 In Case the Mention Above Wasn’t Enough…