What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Marshall is concerned about Trina going to Britt’s memorial while the killer is still out there. The doorbell rings, and Curtis opens the door to Stella.

At the hospital, Portia is firming up some wedding details on the phone when Terry comes by. Terry says, Portia is in the homestretch, and her wedding day will be here before she knows it. Portia says, if she can get everything done in time, when Jordan comes out of the elevator.

Valentin wonders why Anna has been peeking outside since 2 am, but she says, they didn’t get here by lowering their guard. Felicia asks if they’d like a kick for their coffee, offering them some bourbon, and Anna says, it’s 5 pm in Paris. Valentin says, being a fugitive messes with your sense of time, but Felicia says, they won’t be fugitives for long. They’re going to nail Victor Cassadine eventually.

Willow says, by this afternoon, she and Michael will be able to see their new daughter, and he says, their daughter is going to be beautiful just like her mother. He just knows the stem cell transplant is going to work and couldn’t be more grateful. He couldn’t face life without her. She says she’s not going anywhere now that she’s evening the playing field at their house; two males, two females. His phone dings, and he says, Melanie is here to pick up Wiley. He leaves, and Willow tells the baby, it won’t be long now. She has to stay strong. There’s a knock at the door, and Sonny comes in.

Drew asks if Willow had a setback, but Carly says, just the opposite. She thinks Willow is going to be okay. She and Drew hug, and Nina sees them, ducking back out of sight. Drew says, they probably shouldn’t have done that, and Carly agrees it was risky. I don’t think the hug is as risky as them looking all guilty about it.

Stella says she cut her trip short so she could help with the wedding prep. She loves London and her cousin Wanda, but Wanda understood how important it is. She asks how Trina is doing, and says she’s sorry about Trina’s friend Rory. She wonders what the world is coming to, and asks, what about that awful Esme Prince? She heard Esme showed up. Curtis says, she’s been remanded to Spring Ridge until her trial, and Stella hopes Esme stays there permanently. Justice will be served, and Trina can move on. Until then, they have a wedding to lift their spirits, and she has a surprise for the bride-to-be.

Portia asks if Jordan is here for Britt’s memorial, and Jordan says, TJ is attending, and she wanted to be there for him. The boutique texts Portia, confirming her appointment for her dress, and Terry says she’s going to be beautiful. Terry gets called to a meeting, and says she’ll see Jordan at the memorial.

Maxie takes Sasha for a manicure, saying, on days like today, she’s found that feeling she looks her best gives her a strange sort of strength to get through it. Although she totally falls apart afterwards when she’s alone, but then she has to figure out dinner or read a bedtime story. Sasha says, it’s different with kids. She’ll never forget Britt’s kindness when she and Brando lost Liam, and she’s sorry for Maxie’s loss. Maxie says she’s sorry for Sasha’s loss too. She can’t believe she’s saying goodbye to Britt today. Sasha says she feels like all she does is say goodbye to people.

Anna asks Felicia if there are any signs of life from Monsieur Martin, and Felicia says she left coffee and muffins outside their room. She imagines they’re pretty tired. Valentin says, or they died with smiles on their faces. Anna says, they’re all still going to have to lay low. Despite everything they’ve been through, they still don’t have enough concrete evidence to nail Victor. They need irrefutable proof, and she’s feeling like she lost her patience. Felicia says, they need to refocus and regroup. Getting justice for Luke is the most important thing. Anna says, of course (🍷), but thinks not being home for the holidays affected her more than she realized. She hasn’t seen Robin, Emma, and Noah in ages, but Valentin says, she got messages to them. Felicia says, Valentin and Charlotte had just been reunited, and now he’s on the run again. It must be really hard on him. He says, not as hard as her thinking he’s dead.

Michael asks what Sonny is doing here, because he can’t help but be a turd, and Willow says she asked Sonny to come. She was about to tell him that Dr. Randolph says there might be another way to treat her leukemia. She’s about to have a C-section; their baby is being born today. She’ll be premature, but she’s developed enough to withstand it. Michael says, once the baby is born, the doctors will take the stem cells from the umbilical cord and the placenta, and treat Willow’s leukemia. Willow says, after more rounds of chemo, and Sonny says he’ll pray for all three of them. He can’t wait to see his granddaughter, and he’s sure Nina will be overwhelmed… Unless they’re not welcome to see their grandchild.

Drew says he can’t wait to go public, and Carly says, it’ll be over soon. Right now, they have to practice restraint. He says, easier said than done, and they start walking. Nina comes out, and says, my, aren’t you two cozy. She just arrived to see her daughter because she lost so much time with her. Drew says he just got here; they must have just missed each other. Nina says she imagines he was in a rush to see Carly, and he tells her, and Michael and Willow. The whole family needs support right now. Nina says she’s surprised how quickly Drew forgave Carly after she lied to him, but she should expect it. Because no matter how much damage Carly does, people still flock to her side. Carly asks if Nina really wants to compare damage, or the people who forgive you no matter what.

Anna tells Valentin that Charlotte won’t grieve him. Laura will explain everything, and Charlotte will understand. Charlotte is a smart cookie. He says, she’s remarkable, and will read between the lines. She knew he was planning her escape from boarding school without him telling her. If he has to stay away from her to keep her safe, he’ll manage. Felicia says she has to run to the pharmacy; her allergies are acting up. She leaves, and Valentin says he doesn’t believe her. Does Anna? Anna says, she doesn’t have allergies, and he wonders if Felicia is giving them some alone time. If she was, thank you, Felicia. He kisses Anna.

Maxie tells Sasha, days like this bring to mind Nathan for her, and probably Brando and Liam for Sasha. Sasha says she thinks about them every day. Now they’ve lost Lucy and Britt. Maxie says, they don’t know Lucy is gone yet. She’s keeping hope alive. Sasha says, Lucy still hasn’t turned up, but Maxie says, she hasn’t turned up dead either. Maxie asks, what if they had a defeatist attitude when the Deception stock was tanking? They turned things around by remaining positive. Sasha says, true, and Maxie says, they kept the faith because their company is resilient. They are resilient. And dammit, Lucy Coe is resilient too.

Stella says she wants to take Portia and Trina out to lunch, but Trina says, Portia is picking up her dress from the boutique. Stella says, even better, they can have lunch, and all go to the boutique together. Trina says she’s sorry, but she can’t go because of Britt’s memorial, and Stella says, she didn’t know; such a tragedy. Trina says, sorry to mess up Stella’s plans, but Stella tells her not to worry about it. Trina says she hadn’t planned on going, but a friend needs her. Stella suggests she drive Trina to GH and pick up Portia while she’s there, and Trina runs to get her phone. Stella tells Curtis that she’s so looking forward to this wedding. She’s got her officiant’s license and speech all prepared. She asks Marshall how the music is coming for the reception, and crickets chirp. She asks, what’s going on? and Curtis says, it’s a work in progress. She asks, what’s the problem? and Curtis says, these things take time. He asks if TJ knows Stella is in town, and Stella says, she just talked to him last week. Curtis and Marshall exchange glances.

Jordan asks how Trina is doing, and Portia says, she’s doing as well as she can be. Jordan says, the wedding must be a welcome distraction, and Portia says, it was nice catching up, and tries to jet, but Jordan says she needs to speak with Portia on a sensitive subject. She had an intense conversation with Taggert earlier about Portia, Curtis, and Trina.

Drew wonders if Nina knows what’s going on between them, and Carly looks worried.

Sasha says, Deception stock is thriving now, and Maxie says, because they were able to think on their feet. Sasha says, surprisingly, they have Gladys to thank as well. If she hadn’t signed off on the plan, the stock would still be tanking. Maxie asks if it’s weird for Sasha that Gladys makes all the financial decision, and Sasha says she thinks Gladys’s heart is in the right place, but it’s taken some getting used to. She can be persistent about what she wants. Maxie says, like what? and Sasha says, Gladys wants to sell Brando’s garage. They already turned down one offer, but Gladys got another one recently, and is hounding her about it. She wants Sasha’s blessing to sell it, but Sasha got the distinct impression Gladys is going through with it if she likes it or not.

Jordan says, Taggert was concerned about the security at Portia’s wedding. He’s worried the killer will see it as an opportune time to strike, and Trina will be there, as well as everyone closest to her. Portia says she and Taggert have already discussed this, so she doesn’t know why he’s going behind her back, second-guessing her about their daughter. She looks at Jordan and says, there’s the judgement, but Jordan says she’s not judging Portia. Portia says she’s made it perfectly clear that her life and decisions are her business, and Jordan says, Portia seems stressed out by these decisions. It might do her some good to unburden herself. Portia says, so Jordan can have Curtis all to herself?

Trina says, it’s nice for Stella to arrange this surprise for her mom, and Stella says, her mom is part of the family, and so is Trina. Trina says she knows family is the most important thing to Stella in the world. Stella flies out to Europe multiple times a year to see a cousin she just met. Stella says, she and Wanda are two peas in a pod, and Trina says, they found each other on genealogy site, right? Stella says, that’s right, and Trina says, it makes her wish she’d followed up on her match. She took a test in high school and found out she had a relative in Port Charles, but then she freaked out and decided she didn’t want to meet random people, and deleted her account. Stella says, maybe one day she’ll feel ready. Everybody’s doing it. Even Jordan was contemplating finding more family members. She wonders if Jordan used her site, and Trina says, Jordan asked her about it at her celebration party when her charges got dropped. Stella asks when Trina took the test, Trina says, senior year, and they leave.

Nina says, that her daughter could be saved by her grandchild is a miracle, and hugs Sonny. He says, Willow’s putting on a brave face, but she seems anxious, and Nina says, a C-section is routine, but it’s still risky. She imagines more so if you have leukemia. He says he thinks Willow is nervous, but acting like she’s not for Michael, and Nina says, there may be something she can do for her daughter after all.

Anna and Valentin make out on the couch, when there’s a knock at the door. She says, that’s Felicia’s knock, and Felicia says, open up; it’s cold out here. Anna opens the door, and asks if Felicia got everything she needed, but felicia says, Anna knows she doesn’t have allergies. She does have a surprise. Charlotte runs to Valentin, and hugs him.

Drew says, Nina could have heard them, since she was right there, but Carly says, if Nina had seen or heard anything, she would have made a huge deal out of it. If Nina knows anything, there’s no way she could stop herself from making a comment. He says, what about Sonny? If he knew about them, would he tell Nina? She says, no way. Sonny knows the stakes. He says, if Ned reports them to the SEC, knowing they’re in a relationship gives him a good case. Carly says, as long as they stop themselves from any more spontaneous displays of affection, they’re okay.

Michael hands Willow a candy bar, saying, their loving and giving son decided he wanted his baby sister to have this when she comes out. Nina comes in, and Michael says, it’s not a good time, but Nina says she was hoping she could talk to Willow alone, just for a few minutes. Willow says, it’s okay, and Michael leaves. Willow says she assumes Sonny told Nina about the C-section, and Nina says, he did, but she’s here for Willow. She knows Willow has plenty of support from people she needs to put on a brave face for, when really, she’s terrified. Willow says she wouldn’t say terrified, and Nina says, Willow doesn’t have to worry about her feelings. Willow can tell Nina her concerns, her worries, and her frustrations. Just let it rip. Be totally honest with her.

Michael sits in the hallway when Sonny comes along. He asks what Sonny wants, and Sonny says he just wants to be here for his son.

Marshall peeks out, and asks if the coast is clear. Curtis says, Trina and Aunt Stella left, and Marshall says he loves Aunt Stella, but… Curtis says, Marshall doesn’t have to explain. Aunt Stella can be a bit much. Marshall says, Stella knows Curtis wanted him to get those genetic tests done, but Curtis says, he and Portia didn’t tell her anything else. She doesn’t know they asked him to perform at the ceremony or asked him to get genetic counseling; they respect his privacy. Marshall says, she’s going to know soon enough. He went ahead and got those tests done.

Jordan says she’s not interested in Curtis, but Portia says, Jordan has been using Trina as a wedge between them since she got back. She’s questioning Portia, and before that, Jordan interrogated her daughter without even giving her a call. Then Jordan arrests her. Jordan flashes back to telling Curtis about Trina’s interrogation without telling him, and making herself a scapegoat for Stella. She says, Portia doesn’t know the things she’s done to protect her, Curtis, Trina, and the family they’re building. She has no designs on Curtis. Portia says, yet she keeps bringing things up, and Jordan says, if she was going after him, she’d have said something to Curtis months ago. Stella comes up behind them with Trina, and says, said what to Curtis?

Curtis says, Marshall got the genetic counseling? and Marshall says, he did it all, but doesn’t have the results back yet. Curtis says he’s glad Marshall pushed through and did it, and Marshall says he was tired of the uncertainty. Curtis says he’s proud of Marshall, and Marshall says, Curtis and Portia pushed him. He considered not saying anything, but realized that was falling back into his old ways. For 40 years he’s been afraid, and it became second nature to go it alone. He’s tired of running and being afraid. He’s got a wonderful son, and a family he wants to share everything with, the good and the bad. He’s got loved ones, and he’s ready to let them in. Curtis says, in the words of Aunt Stella, amen to that, and Marshall says, Portia pushed him to get the testing, but Curtis was the reason he did it. Curtis says, this is great news, and Marshall says, but what if it isn’t?

Portia says she thought Stella wasn’t due for a couple of days, and Stella says she heard Portia had a million things to do and wanted to help. Now what is it Curtis needs to know? Jordan asks if Stella remembers how she misplaced the divorce papers, and Stella says, don’t tell her they’re still married, but Jordan says, no; they’re officially divorced. There are no obstacles from her that would prevent Portia and Curtis from marrying. She leaves to make a call, and Stella says, that seemed a bit tense. Portia says, it’s just her, and Stella says, that’s why she’s here. Trina says, Aunt Stella came to take Portia to lunch and pick up her dress, and Portia asks if they can wait while she has a consult with Terry. Stella glances over at Jordan, and says she can entertain herself.

Charlotte tells Valentin about confronting Victor, and Anna tells Felicia, that was a kind thing to do. Felicia says, it didn’t seem fair for Charlotte to grieve her father after what she’s been through. Plus, Valentin is helping them take down Victor. Anna thinks there’s more to it, and Felicia says she missed so much of her daughters’ lives, off on one adventure or another. Seeing how vulnerable Valentin was missing his daughter triggered something in her… but don’t tell him she said that. She needs him to live in fear of her in case he hurts Anna. Anna says, Felicia’s secret is safe with her.

Valentin says, Charlotte confronted her grandfather? and she says she couldn’t help herself. He says she’s so strong and outspoken, and he’s so grateful she wants to take care of him, but he needs her to promise him that she’ll never do that again. Just know he’ll always come back for her. He promises. It will take more than Victor Cassadine to keep them apart. She says, he went away because Anna needed help? and he says he did. She says, Anna must be special to him, and he says, she is, but not as special as Charlotte.

Maxie tells Sasha that she understands selling the garage could be upsetting; it probably feels like another goodbye. And with Gladys calling the shots, she would hate how powerless that would make her feel. Sasha apologizes for making this about her when they’re mourning Maxie’s sister-in-law, but Maxie says, there’s no monopoly on grief; no right or wrong time for it. She lost it when she found Nathan’s favorite can of soup. Sasha is allowed her moments. Sasha asks how Maxie does it. After suffering so much loss, she’s not just surviving; she’s thriving. How did she learn to keep going and not give up on life?

Willow asks if Nina has a point. The last thing she wants is to bring Michael’s spirits down. Nina says, Willow doesn’t have to keep up a brave front for her. Willow can tell her whatever she wants. Willow says, but she can’t. This is all so new, and with their relationship being what it is, she needs her boundaries. If she gives in, the lines get blurry, and she can’t take that right now. She appreciates Nina’s effort, but she can’t. Terry comes to the door, and says, it’s time to prep Willow for her C-section. She tells Nina that she has to go, Nina tells Willow, good luck, and leaves.

Sonny asks how Michael is doing, but Michael tells Sonny not to worry about him. Sonny says, Michael is still his son, and if he needs anything, Sonny is here for him. Nina tells Michael that Terry just went into Willow’s room, and Michael leaves. Sonny asks how it went with Willow, and Nina says, Willow doesn’t want anything to do with her. He hugs her, and over his shoulder, she sees Drew with Carly. Sonny asks if Nina isn’t supposed to be at Britt’s memorial, but Nina says she can be late. She wants to wait until Willow goes into surgery, and they’re prepping her now. It looks like Drew has already forgiven Carly for lying to him for months about Willow being her daughter. He says, Drew’s that kind of guy. She can’t let Carly get in her head; they have to focus on Willow. She says, Willow doesn’t want anything to do with her because Carly lied. If Carly had told the truth, she wouldn’t have fought with Willow all those months. He says, she doesn’t want to go down that road. Fighting doesn’t help anyone. She says, sometimes wars are unavoidable, but she’s agreeing with him. They need to focus on Willow.

Willow is wheeled out, and Drew and Carly run over. Terry says, Willow is in good hands; she’ll be monitoring everything. She’ll see Willow in recovery after her baby’s born. She leaves, and Carly tells Willow, everything is going to be fine. She can’t wait to meet Willow’s little girl. As Willow is wheeled into the elevator, Sonny and Nina walk over. The elevator doors are framed by the couples on either side, and the doors close. Sonny hugs Nina.

Valentin thanks Felicia for bringing Charlotte to him, telling her, it means more than she’ll ever know. She tells him that he’s welcome. Sitting on the couch, Anna says she’s sorry Charlotte’s father hasn’t been with her these past few months, but Charlotte says, Anna doesn’t owe her an apology. Actually, she owes Anna. Anna took care of her papa and brought him home to her, and she thanks Anna. She and Anna hug.

Maxie says, over time, Sasha will learn that she doesn’t need to hold on to the things or personal mementos that remind her of her loved ones. She’ll accept she doesn’t need them to hold on to her memories. They’re just things, and her love can never be sold or torn down. Sasha’s memories of her loved ones are going to stay with her forever.

Curtis says, if it’s bad news, they’ll get through it together, and Marshall says he’s not sure he’ll get the results back in time for the wedding. He doesn’t think he can perform, but Curtis tells him not to worry about that. Marshall says he couldn’t bear it if his illness overshadowed Curtis’s big day, and Curtis says, it’s not a thing. He’s not mad that Marshall can’t play at the ceremony, and he doesn’t want Marshall to be either. What’s important is, he has his father at his wedding. That is the greatest gift of all.

Stella tells Jordan that she’s not going to beat around the bush. They’ve been through too much together, and know they can trust and rely on each other, right? Jordan agrees, and asks what’s on Stella’s mind. Stella says, Trina told her about a genealogy test she took in school about the same time Stella took hers, but something seems off about it. Trina also said Jordan spoke to her about it, and she wonders if it’s because Jordan thinks there’s something suspicious too.

Tomorrow, Stella says she thought Jordan knew her well enough not to play her for a fool; Trina says, Josslyn must have felt like there was no other option; and Esme asks someone if they can help her regain her memory.

Below Deck

On the beach, pregnant guest Louisa says she’s going to kill someone because she needs food. It was made clear beforehand that she needed to snack frequently, so Fraser couldn’t have brought some cheese cubes with him or something? Rachel radios Alissa, who doesn’t answer, and in Rachel’s interview, she says, the clock is ticking, and sh*t is about to be sticking. She’s tired, frustrated, and lunch is a clusterf***. The guests play bocci ball, and Rachel arrives. In her interview, Rachel says, the pregnant lady is hangry, but she’s brought bean salad, which was on her preference sheet. Then she says, beans, beans, the musical fruit… You know the rest. The guests are served, and a cork or something pops Alissa in the head, which is pretty amusing. Norma texts Captain Sandy that a new deck-stew will be coming this evening, and Ben texts Camille that he misses her. Rachel does a  forward seal flop into the tender, and the guests applaud. Louisa says, Fraser is her favorite human on the planet.

The guests go back to the boat, and Captain Sandy asks how it was. They tell her, amazing, and are served welcome back mango shots. Katie wants Ross to move into her room when the new stew comes, but in his interview, he says, their relationship isn’t stable, and there’s the potential for problems. He doesn’t want to roll the dice on that. Alissa whines to Hayley that people are making her feel like it’s her fault Camille got fired, mostly Ben. Hayley says, they were thing, and in Alissa’s interview, she says her emotions are jumbled. Camille left because of her own actions, but it sucks. Captain Sandy calls Fraser and Ross to the bridge, and tells them the new deck-stew is coming. His name is Tyler, and he has a lot of experience, and he’s strong in service. In Fraser’s interview, he says, thank God. He knows some of the boats Tyler has worked on, and he has more experience than both girls combined. He’s feeling hopeful. The captain tells Fraser not to just stick Tyler in laundry and forget him. Alissa is all weird and nervous about why two department heads were called to the bridge because everything is about her, and Captain Sandy radios the crew about Tyler. In Hayley’s interview, she says, please let them not be Satan.

Tyler arrives, and Ross walks him around the boat. He finds out that Tyler is from South Africa, and tells Tyler that he’s walked into the middle of chaos. In Tyler’s interview, he says, he enjoys, in a very sick way, the weird parts of yachting that other people don’t find enjoyable. Everything has order; there’s only one way to fold a towel. However, his OCD has not been diagnosed. Fraser tells him to get settled, and Captain Sandy radios the crew to get into their blacks. Fraser tells Rachel that he wants to improve communication. He tends to get in his head. In Rachel’s interview, she says she can tell when service is bad. Everyone starts running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Talking to Fraser can be like talking to Beaker from the Muppets. We see their Fraser and Beaker’s pictures next to one another, and I laugh because they do kind of look alike.

The guests are seated for dinner at a beautiful table, and Fraser says, it’s in honor of the baby on the way. They toast to the last night, and Fraser introduces Tyler. In Hayley’s interview, she says, Tyler is amazing housekeeping; it’s very different. We flash back to Camille drinking on the job, and Hayley says, Tyler is good at things she’s horrific at doing. It’s going to work out well. Tyler tells Hayley that he’d just started a relationship, and had a crying fit when he had to leave. In his interview, he says his sexuality is fluid. He’s never had a long term girlfriend or boyfriend. He grew up in a small religious town, and moving in yachting he’s been able to explore himself. Fraser tells Rachel that she blew it out of the park. That’s how to finish a charter. The guests head for bed by 11:30. In Katie’s interview, she says, she and Camille jived well, since neither one of them cared about housekeeping. Tyler isn’t  like that at all.

Final day of charter. Captain Sandy asks Rachel how dinner went, and Rachel says, awesome. She thanks the captain for the swift kick in the ass – in a good way. The captain says they’ll talk later, but they’re heading to the dock soon, and she radios the deckhands to haul anchor. They head to Rodney Bay, and breakfast is served. Hayley says she can’t wait to shave her vagina. It’s the little things in life. TMI, but that is funny. Goodbyes are said, and primary Adam says, the trip was awesome, and every one of them had a great time. There were a few little hiccups along the way, like when they were looking for drinks or help and had to find someone. We flash back to that, and he says, Louisa also needed more snacks. We flash back to Louisa wanting to kill someone, and Rachel tells Fraser, no more tasting menus. He says, no more sitting around, and Adam thanks the crew for taking care of them and keeping them safe. He gives Captain Sandy the tip envelope, and the guests leave. Fraser says, it was a sh*t review, and he only has himself to blame, but Tony says, it’s no one’s fault. It’s a team thing. The captain radios the crew to meet in the Sky Lounge.

Captain Sandy welcomes Tyler, who says he feels welcome already. She tells them that feedback isn’t saying you’re a bad person or not doing a great job. How do they know something should be changed if no one tells them; it’s constructive. In her interview, she says, feedback makes you better. The tip is $22K or $1,833 each. Because they worked hard, she’s arranged for a boat to take them to the Pitons. She tells them to turn the boat around, so they can have the day off tomorrow, and asks if Rachel wants to go for coffee. Ben calls Camille, and in his interview, he says, Camille had 30 minutes to pack her stuff. That’s not the way he wanted it to end. Camille says she doesn’t feel like talking to the crew. Fraser asks the stews to meet him in the Sky Lounge, and Rachel and Captain Sandy go to the Swiss Bakery for coffee. The captain tells Rachel that she’s a joy to have on the boat, but Rachel says she’s not accomplishing things to the standard she’s used to, and needs to get faster. Fraser tells Alissa that she need to continue getting her head around preparing for beach picnics, and she starts crying. She gets up, and says she feels bad. She knows she can do better. She’s done. She’s so tired. Good Lord. What is this twit’s problem? She wanted Camille gone, she’s gone, and still can’t please her. In Alissa’s interview, she says, they’re a stew down, and she still has anxiety over the Camille situation. She’s f***ing done. Rachel tells the captain that there was inconsistence with the interior. She has support from Fraser, but sees him spreading himself thin. Captain Sandy says, Rachel is a beacon of light for them, and has to communicate what she needs to Fraser. In the captain’s interview, she says she wants the department heads to work it out before she steps in. She wants Rachel to talk to Fraser. She thinks Rachel can handle it; she has that spirit. In Tyler’s interview, he says he knows what needs to be done. He doesn’t need anyone to tell him what to do, just when to stop doing it. Fraser and Ross agree to remain bunkmates, and everyone gets ready to go out. At the restaurant, they give a welcome toast to Tyler. Ben gets a text, steps away, and comes back with Camille. In Alisson’s interview, she says, what the f***? and I die laughting.

Ross is amused, and in Fraser’s interview, he says, it’s nice to see Camille. He hopes she’s not furious with him. There’s no bad blood; she was just a bad stew. Alissa gets on her high horse, and refusing to ride away on it, says she wouldn’t think of coming back. Rachel says, Camille seems relaxed, and Camille says, Ben seemed upset on the phone. She knows their time was cut too short. Alissa can’t shut up, and goes for cigarette with Hayley. She says, if she’d been fired, she’d be embarrassed. It just shows she’s not regretful, and it’s awkward. Hayley asks if Alissa feels like speaking to Camille, but Alissa says, no; she’s done. Camille must feel like it’s her fault she was fired. Camille and Fraser go for a smoke, and Camille tells him that she has no resentment. He says he really likes her, and in his interview, he says he’s pleased she came with an open heart. It’s not easy to tell someone you like them when you’re firing them, and he’s pleased to redo their goodbye. She says she’s going to miss Fraser, and this is what she needed to walk away with her head held high. They all walk back to the boat, and Ben says he’s going to miss Camille. She kisses him, and in his interview, he says, it’s like nothing he’s experienced. He’s head over heels. As she gets into a taxi, he tells her to behave herself,  but she says he knows she doesn’t do that. In his interview, he says he feels his heart sinking. Back at the boat, Ross says he knows Katie’s is disappointed, but he and Fraser can talk HOD to HOD. She tells him, it’s fine, and he says he’s designated a guest cabin for them. They go to it and get busy in the shower. Katie goes back to her room, and in Ross’s interview, he says, there was built up tension between him and Katie that needed to be released. If he could, he’d do it six times day every day, since he’s obviously a sex addict. Ugh a million times.

At some point the next morning, a boat picks the crew up, and there’s a massive bottle of rosé, along with other liquor, and loads of food waiting. Hayley says, this is what life should be like, and everyone checks out Rachel’s tattoo on her back. In her interview, she says, it was nine and a half hours. She likes fish, bright colors, and Asian, so she told them to slap it on, but make it bigger than a tramp stamp; more like a target. Ross says he’s over excelled in the drinking department, and his organs will fail before he’s old. We can only hope. Fraser tells Alissa that she’s second stew, and therefore in charge when he’s not around. At the Pitons, they jump off the boat and swim around, then get in a mini bus. They go to Sulphur Springs Park, where there are mud baths near a potentially active volcano. I pray for one of them to fall in. The director tells them that the mud is an exfoliant, but it’s also 100* F in the baths. In Hayley’s interview, she says she’s got mud in her hair and holes she didn’t know existed. They say it makes you look ten years younger, but she thinks it makes you look like you’re covered in sh*t. Ross starts being inappropriate with Alissa, and in Katie’s interview, she says, he’s blatantly doing it right in front of her. They just had a magical night, and now he’s disrespecting her. In the bus, someone tells Ross not to hump Fraser, and Rachel suggests he not hump anything.

They get back to the boat, and Ross acts like an idiot, hanging upside down from a mast. Katie tried to get him to sit down, but instead, he goes over to the food table, picks up one of the serving spoons, dips it in some rice dish, and eats from it; food falling all over the place from his mouth. It’s beyond disgusting, and my stomach turns. They go to a restaurant, and Ross can barely walk. Why they bring him is beyond me. Katie says he’s beyond drunk, and he orders a rum and Coke. Everyone puts in their drink orders, and he calls the waiter back, ordering a rum and Coke again, which the waiter informs him that he did already. In Tony’s interview, he says, my brother crossed the line with liquor. Ross gets up to have a smoke, and Alissa buttons the bottom of his shirt. In Rachel’s interview, she says, Ross is f***ing hammered, and acting the fool, but she can’t throw stones. We flash back to Rachel’s spontaneous karaoke number when there was no karaoke, and she says, maybe Ross should stop failing humanity and himself. His parents should be proud. Alissa puts a flower in Ross’s hair, and I’m hoping he throws up on her. She says she believes she’s hotter than Katie, and in her interview, she says, Ross is a scumbag, but it’s fun to see everybody squirm. You can’t ruin a relationship that’s not there, and as much as Katie wants to be his wifey, he’s not in the market. I actually think all Katie wants is a boatmance without interference. Ross can barely keep his eyes open when they go back to the table. Katie tells Fraser that Alissa was all over Ross, and it’s embarrassing. He’s being stupid, and she’s an idiot. Ross keeps drinking, and Tony is like, let’s go. In his interview, he says he doesn’t like to see Katie sad, and it’s getting to the point it’s rude. Hayley tells Fraser that she can see why Katie is angry, and Alissa holds Ross’s hand. In Hayley’s interview, she says, Alissa is breaking all the girl codes. If that was her boyfriend, she’d probably chuck them overboard because she’s mental. Alissa says, Ross flirts with her all the time when no one’s around, and in Tyler’s interview, he says he’s only 23, but hopes he has a better moral compass at 38. This is unacceptable. Alissa tells Fraser that Ross has no self-respect, and tells Ross, f*** off.

Next time, Katie says, she’s heard it loud and clear that Ross is a f***boy, and her wall is 100% up; Alissa calls Hayley a gross, dirty bitch; the next primary spent her honeymoon in St. Lucia, and now that she’s divorced, is having a do-over; Captain Sandy thanks Ross for turning Tony around, and gets on Fraser’s case.

⚖️ Why I can’t stand this crew. Ross – well, look at him. He’s a disgusting human being as well as a bad drunk. Katie – I’d actually like her if she wasn’t so stupid. Why on earth would you subject yourself to this kind of treatment? And how embarrassing in front of your crewmates. Hayley – I’d like her if I didn’t have to constantly hear about her self-love proclivities, her hair situation, and whatever other personal crap comes in her head. Fraser seems like a great guy, but his timidity about being a leader is causing his department to fail. I like Rachel, but she’s a chef, and therefore, crazy moody. Too early to tell anything about Tyler, although so far, he seems like a decent human. Tony seems to be too. Alissa – how do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways. Does this chick need meds or what? She acts like she’s on some moral high ground, then deliberately screws with someone else’s deal. She doesn’t have many good things to say about anyone, and thinks she’s the sh*t. But then she makes a U-turn and cries whenever anyone points out that she might not be perfect. Pick a damn lane. Captain Sandy also seems to be a quality person and captain, but I wish she’d dispense with phrases like, team work makes the dream work and knocking it out of the park. Please, retire that stuff. I also wasn’t thrilled that she couldn’t be bothered to give Captain Lee (who, like LVP, can do no wrong) a call before she fired Camille. As for Camille, lazy AF, but it no longer matters. I don’t know if it’s because Kate is gone or what, but this crew leaves a lot to be desired.

🏡 Bringin’ It On Home…

Join me tomorrow for soap and tea. Until then, stay safe, stay not being like anyone on Deck, and stay accepting that you don’t need to hold on to things or personal mementos to remind you of your loved ones. You don’t need them to hold on to your memories.