What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

At a poolside table, Martin asks if Lucy is going to give him a thrill and go for another dip in the pool, but she says, no, and asks if there isn’t a rule about waiting after you eat. He says, she hasn’t touched her burger, and she says, true, but she absolutely devoured his hummingbird cake. He says, she is his hummingbird cake… What’s wrong? Why does he get the feeling something is weighing on her?

Brook walks into Maxie’s office, where Maxie has papers spread all over her desk. Brook asks if the storm is over or should she hide under the desk, and Maxie says her assistant quit to find herself, whatever that means. So now Maxie is finding herself drowning in extra work. She doesn’t even know if she’ll have time to eat lunch. Brook says she had a feeling, and brought lunch to Maxie. Didn’t she say she and Lulu used to have lunch all the time back in the day? She says she did, and it’s sweet of Brook, but didn’t she ask for the day off? What’s she doing here?

In the nook, Tracy sends a text to Brook: Text me when you find anything useful at Maxie’s office. Sam and Dante walk in with Scout, who hugs Tracy. Tracy says, Leo’s not here, Olivia took him to the park. Or if they’re looking for their resident horse whisperer, he’s probably out mounting a defense for something else he’s done. At least that’s what she’d bet on. Dante says, they’re not here for his mother or Cody, and she asks, to what does she owe this visit. Drew comes in, and says he asked them to bring his daughter to see him.

Josslyn walks into Sonny’s old kitchen, and Carly asks, how was the pool? Josslyn says, it was great. She saw Dex and got to catch up with Trina. Carly asks why she didn’t stay, and Josslyn says, Trina had things to do, and she wanted to check on Carly. Carly says she’s all right, but Josslyn asks how she could be, with the judge giving Drew three years. Not in Spring Ridge, but in Pentenville, when there’s a deal in place? What’s the judge’s problem? Carly says she doesn’t even know where to begin, but the moss bowl🎍will make it all better. Apparently, Judge Kim saw an opportunity to be tough on a so-called privileged defendant. Josslyn wonders if by privileged he means a decorated Navy SEAL who just helped save a bunch of people from Victor Cassadine in Greenland. That doesn’t count for anything? Carly says, Judge Kim didn’t want the public to see Drew get away with a while collar crime just because he’d done some heroic things, and Josslyn says, but three years? And nobody even got hurt? She doesn’t even know what to say. Carly says, she does, so say it. Josslyn thinks she made a huge mistake not turning in Sonny.

Ned says he appreciates Sonny sending his goon away, but would have appreciated it more if Sonny hadn’t had his goon track him down and manhandle him back here. Nina says, nobody wants to hurt anyone. It’s just that Sonny is worried about him. Ned says he’s not a problem for Sonny anymore. He’s not a problem for anyone in this town anymore. So if they’ll excuse him, he’s got a train to catch. Sonny says, he’s not going anywhere.

Ava screams for Avery in the park, when Chase comes along with some officers, and says, they’re here to help. She says, someone’s taken her daughter.

Josslyn says, it’s no secret what she thinks, but does Carly regret not giving the Feds evidence against Sonny? Carly says, no. It’s a line she can never cross, but she does see the consequences to Drew, and can understand why Josslyn would say I told you so. Josslyn says, it’s not really their style, calling each other out like that. Probably because they agree on most things. Carly says, except this, and Josslyn says she may never 100% agree with Carly about Sonny, but she’s had a change of heart since the last time they talked about him. What Carly said really opened her eyes. She thinks she has been a little too focused on defending Carly and protecting Dex. She thinks she did lose her way a bit. To be clear, she can’t forgive Sonny completely for what he did to their family, but if Carly and Michael are willing to let go of their anger, so is she. At least for Avery and Donna’s sake. Carly takes Josslyn’s hand and says, it makes her so happy. Josslyn says she thinks she struggles because Sonny is guilty of so much, and he gets to walk around free. Now Drew is going to prison for three years. Scout has already been without her father, and now she’s about to lose him again. Sam must be going crazy about this.

Scout hugs Drew, and he says he saw some flowers in Monica’s garden that just sprouted up. Doesn’t she think Dante would like to see those? Scout says, sure, and Drew tells her to go show him. Scout takes Dante’s hand, and leads him outside. Sam says she’s sorry she couldn’t be at Drew’s hearing, but he says, that’s probably a good thing. It wasn’t exactly a crowd pleaser. Tracy asks what she’s missing, and Sam says, she didn’t see the news? Tracy says, obviously not. Some of us can’t watch the news 24/7. What happened at the hearing? Drew says, the judge rejected the plea deal. Instead of six months in Spring Ridge, he got three years in Pentenville. Tracy says, that’s unconscionable. That’s a miscarriage of justice. Drew says he agrees, but it’s what the judge imposed, and he intends to comply. He looks at Sam, and says, now the real question is, how are they going to break this to their daughter?

Brook hands Maxie a take-out container, and says she thought she’d come in and help with the social. So many more people are engaging because of The Deceptor. Are sales really that crazy? Maxie says, Brook has no idea, and brings up a file on her computer. Brook asks what she’s looking in, and Maxie says, the shared drive file that shows all the various products they’re selling. Brook looks over her shoulder, and Maxie says, they’ve had to up the number of Deceptor units they’ve produced, and they’re still selling out. She’s never seen anything like it. She’s sure there’s a limit, but they just haven’t reached it yet. Brook says, it’s amazing. They’ve obviously hit a sweet spot. The more they sell, the more word of mouth, the higher the engagement. Maxie says, the difficult part is, it’s hard to keep up. She hasn’t had time to find a new place to live. Brook says, she’s looking for a house? and Maxie says, she’s the mother of three kids. She thinks she’s made a two-bedroom apartment work for a really long time. She needs a bigger house with a backyard. It’s something she should have done years ago. Brook says, especially since she’s been raking in the dough for quite some time now. Why does Maxie think she hasn’t? Maxie says, because of Nathan.

Ned says, he sees where this is going. Just for the record, he borrowed Sonny’s computer last night, and did some online research about him. Quite the eye-opener. Sonny says he’s sure it was, and Ned says, Sonny didn’t mention he had a kid with Olivia. Sonny says, it was a long time ago. His name’s Dante. He’s a police detective, and grown up with a family of his own. Ned says, Sonny also didn’t mention he has this professional reputation. Is Sonny going to break his legs if he doesn’t stay in Port Charles and keep Olivia happy? Sonny says he and Olivia have a lot of history. It’s surprising how far he’d be willing to go for her, but he knows Olivia would want her husband in one piece. As far as his professional reputation, some of the stories are true, some are not true, but on that note, he’s going to make Ned an offer he can’t refuse.

Chase asks Pilar to tell him what happened from the beginning, and Pilar says, Avery was with her… Chase says, Pilar is her nanny, correct? and Pilar says, yes, Pilar Rodriguez. Avery loves this spot. They come here at least once a week. She turned her back for one second, and Avery was gone. Chase asks Officer Williams to take Pilar’s statement, and she goes with the officer. Ava says, they’re losing time. They say the first 24 hours is the most important in a kidnapping, isn’t it? He says, it’s possible Avery just wandered off. He did it all the time as a kid. He drove his dad nuts. At this point in time, there’s no reason to believe Avery was kidnapped. Ava says, he doesn’t understand. She has every reason in the world to believe someone kidnapped Avery. Chase says, why is that?

Sonny says, Ned probably didn’t find this when he was doing his research, but he has connections to every industry in Port Charles. Music venues, radio stations, even boutique record labels near Charles Street. Ned says, okay. Sonny has his attention. Sonny says he can’t make Ned be part of the Quartermaine family, but because Olivia and Brook are so important to him, as long as Ned sticks around Port Charles and lets them know he’s alive and safe, Sonny may introduce him to the right people, and who knows? They may even sign Ned to a record label. But the offer only stands if he stays in town.

Chase asks if Ava has a reason to believe someone would want to hurt her daughter, and she flashes back to Austin saying that she refuses to accept how ruthless Mason is. No one is off-limits. She tells Chase, Avery’s father is Sonny Corinthos. He has too many enemies to count, right? That makes all of his kids targets, that includes Avery. Chase can’t just assume she wandered off. He says he’ll call it in and get a PCPD Missing Child Alert. They’re going to find her. He promises. He leaves, and Ava says, Sonny, and takes out her phone.

Felicia and Mac approach Lucy and Martin, and Lucy says, this is amazing. She had no idea they were going to be at the pool today. What a wonderful coincidence. Mac says, it was sort of a last-minute thing. He has some paid days off coming, and Felicia insisted he spend one of them enjoying the pool. Lucy says, they insist he and Felicia join them, and Felicia says she’s had her mind set on a poolside pina colada all morning long. Would he get her one please? He says, coming right up, and Lucy says, that sounds yummy. She asks Martin if she could have a poolside pina colada too, please, but missing the cue, he says, she’s still got half of her first one. She chugs it down, and says, they disappear so fast. Where do they go? He laughs, and she says, please. Also, it would give him a chance to bond with Mac. He says, that’s important because… She says, because Mac and Felicia are her best friends, and ever since she got divorced from Doc, she hasn’t been as close to them. She’s losing out on those couple outings, and it would mean so much to her if the two of them hit it off. She plays with the buttons on his shirt, and says, so please, maybe have some small talk at the bar, get us some lounges, pretty please… He says, her wish is his command, kisses her, and goes over to Mac at the bar. Felicia tells Lucy, the coast is clear. Does Lucy want to tell her the real reason she called for her to come here?

Brook tells Maxie that she’s sorry. She didn’t mean to bring up an emotional subject. Maxie says, it’s okay. Her apartment is where she and Nathan met. On New Year’s Eve. He showed up to sublet it when she was leaving town. They talked for a few minutes, then went their separate ways. Looking back, it was a night that changed her life. And then she and Nathan fell in love, and that apartment is where they shared their life together. It’s also where she and Nina planned his funeral. Brook says she never thought about it that way, and Maxie says she knows when she moves into a house, she’ll make memories with her kids there, great memories. But she’s not going to make any new memories with Nathan. Her apartment has becomes like an adult emotional support blanket. She’s afraid to let it go. Brook says, Maxie doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do, but sometimes change can be good, right? and Maxie says, yeah. Look at them. Can Brook even remember a time they couldn’t stand each other? Now Brook is Bailey’s second mom, and Maxie would trust Brook with her life. Brook says, maybe she shouldn’t.

Tracy says she knows she and Drew don’t have any use for each other, but her brother is turning over in his grave about this. Drew says, there’s nothing they can do about it not, but she says, wrong. He can change his plea, and throw Carly under the bus.

Carly tells Josslyn that they filed an appeal. There has to be some way to set this right. Diane comes in and admires the moss bowl🎍, and Carly says she was just telling Josslyn that they filed an appeal on Drew’s behalf. Now that the hearing is over, will she be able to represent him? Diane says, she cannot, because Carly’s case is still being settled. She does have some good news. Carly says she’ll take anything, and Diane says, as of tomorrow, Carly’s accounts will be unfrozen. Both Carly and Josslyn say, thank God, and Diane says, thank God indeed. However, the court has determined a financial amount she’ll have to pay for restitution for her part in Drew’s crime. She gives Carly a folder, and Carly looks inside. She looks shocked, and Josslyn asks, how much does she have to pay? Carly looks at Diane, and says, five million dollars!? Diane says, it’s exorbitant, she knows, and she tried to talk the judge down. He will not budge. He assessed her the maximum fine. Carly says, five million dollars? This is her entire savings. And this isn’t counting property taxes, and food, and insurance, and bills… Josslyn says she has her trust fund, but Carly says, no. Drew didn’t make this sacrifice so the financial burden lies on her. Josslyn says, what about Michael? Or Sonny? She’s sure they’d help. Diane says, oh no. That cannot happen.

Drew tells Tracy that he’s not going to relitigate this. The judge imposed a sentence, and he has every intention of serving it. She says, nothing is final. He just needs a sharp lawyer and deep pockets; he has both. Sam tells him that she hates to say it, but she agrees with Tracy, and Tracy says, thank you. Wait. What? Sam says, the deal Drew made with the US Attorney was for a six-month sentence in Spring Ridge. Now that the deal has been altered, maybe there’s a little wiggle room for him to change his plea to not guilty. Drew says, but what good is it going to do? The outcome will still be the same, unless he says it was all Carly’s idea, and obviously, he’s not going to do that. This is for the best. Tracy says, for who? For Carly. Not for his daughter. He says, Scout has a loving, safe home with Sam and Dante. He knows she’s going to miss him, and it’s going to kill him to be away from her, but the disruption is minimal. Taking the deal, even with the extended prison sentence, does the most amount of good for the most amount of people. Sam says, he’s supposed to be the sacrificial lamb for the greater good? How is that fair? He tells her, nobody said life was fair, and Tracy says, self-sacrifice is a highly overrated virtue. He says he violated the rules. He’s got to pay the penalty. The best he can do is face the consequences. Sam asks, where are the consequences for Carly? Why is he the only one… Dante comes back with Scout, and Scout asks why they’re fighting.

Maxie asks why she shouldn’t trust Brook, and Brook says she’s no angel. Maxie says, doesn’t Brook think she knows that? They were co-conspirators when they passed off her baby as Brook’s. Brook says, but that was for a good cause; to protect Baby Louise from Peter. Maxie’s desk phone rings, and she says she’ll be right there. She tells Brook, that was distribution. They’re having a hard time keeping up as well. She’ll be right back. She leaves, and Brook checks the hallway, then goes over to the computer. She puts in a flashdrive, and sits down. She says, oh Maxie, you shouldn’t have made this so easy. There’s the Deception file with all The Deceptor information. All she has to do is copy and paste.

Ned says, if he takes Sonny’s offer, and signs with a local label, how does he know they’ll make him a priority, and not some local indy nonsense? Sonny says, because if he introduces Ned/Eddie, he’ll be a priority. Sonny’s phone rings, and Ava says she’s at the park with Pilar. Someone has taken Avery. Sonny asks what she means, and Ava says, she was with Pilar, then suddenly wasn’t with Pilar. The police think Avery may have wandered off, but she has a bad feeling. He says he’ll be right there, and leaves.

Mac and Martin go to the chaise lounges, and Mac asks if Lucy is forcing them to be fast friends. Martin looks at him, and Mac says, Chief of Detectives, remember? It’s his job to figure out people’s motives. Martin says, let’s put it this way. He wouldn’t put it past Lucy to recreate the same couples joy she had when she was married to Doc. Mac says, the four of them had a lot of fun, and Martin says, so he hears. About that. He’s sure Doc is happy with his sister these days, but he has to confess, he’s surprised the good doctor walked away from someone as wonderful as Lucy. He knows she’s made her fair share of mistakes, but he thought Doc would be as charitable and forgiving as she is. Mac laughs, and Martin asks if he said something funny. Mac says, Lucy charitable and forgiving? Obviously, Martin’s never crossed her, and Mac wouldn’t advise him to start now.

Felicia says, so Lucy is saying Martin has been acting strangely. How so? Lucy says, it’s really been since she got back from the safe house, but it’s been glaring these past few days. Felicia says, give her some examples, and Lucy says, his phone rings, but he doesn’t answer. He sends it right to voicemail and won’t let her know who called. And he’s especially cryptic about all business matters. And he clams up as soon as she says he helped her invent The Deceptor. Bizarro. Felicia asks what she means, and Lucy says, she’ll be telling people that she and Marty had this great talk, and he inspired her to make The Deceptor. She tries to acknowledge his contribution, but he shuts the conversation right down. Felicia asks if it’s possible he doesn’t want to hog the spotlight from her. Lucy did do all the legwork. Lucy says she did think of that, but she takes pride in being in touch with the universe, and Felicia asks what the universe told her. Lucy says, something is very fishy. She just doesn’t know what to do. Felicia says, sure she does. That’s why Lucy asked her here. Lucy wants Felicia to spy on her boyfriend.

Drew promises mommy and daddy weren’t fighting, but Scout says, sure sounded like a fight. Sam says, it’s just because mommy and daddy were a little scared, and Dante asks if Scout remembers how scared she got when he let her stay up and watch The Wolfman with him and Rocco. Scout says, mommy was really mad, and Dante says, the Wolfman wasn’t the only one in the doghouse that night. Scout asks Drew why he and mommy are scared, and he says he thinks scared isn’t the right word. More like a little worried. Scout says, about what? and he asks her to sit down. They sit at the table with Sam, and Drew asks if Scout remembers when he told her that he made a mistake at work and the police weren’t very happy about it? She nods, and he says, yesterday he went to court, and because of that mistake he made at work, he has to go to prison for a little while. Scout says, mommy had to go to prison a long time ago. She and Danny went to visit; it was scary. Drew says, it can be scary. It’s hard to have to stay there, but her mommy came home and so will he. She asks if he’s sad, and he says he is. Mostly because he’s going to be away from her. But sometimes in life you’ve got to do things you don’t want to do, so he’s going to go and make the most of it. When he comes out, the first person he’s going to see is her. She asks if he promises, and he says he does. They hug, and Tracy suggests Scout show her those beautiful new flowers. Before she leaves, Scout says she can visit Drew, right? and Sam says, every weekend, rain or shine.

Diane says, if Carly had economic ties to Sonny, that would only force both of them under the forensic financial microscope together. Trust her. It would not end well for either of them. Josslyn says, what about Michael? and Diane says, Michael sailed through this whole debacle unscathed, but if the SEC starts looking in his direction, hypothetically, did he know what Carly and Drew were up to? Carly says, understood, and Diane says, good, because if Michael offers a sum of money to somebody involved with his company’s insider trading, even if that party is his mother, it will force the SEC to ask even more questions. Carly says, in the grand scheme of things, it’s only money. Drew’s losing his freedom; Scout’s losing her father. Diane’s phone dings, and she says she has to go finalize paperwork with the Feds, so wish her luck. She knows it doesn’t seem like it, but this is actually a good deal. She leaves, and Josslyn asks what Carly is going to do.

Sonny arrives at the park, and asks, what’s going on? Pilar says she’s so sorry. She turned her back for two seconds and Avery was gone. He says, that’s not important right now. What’s important is that they find Avery. He tells Frank to look around, and Chase says, they’ve got this, but Sonny says, so does his team. Chase says he’s just warning Sonny. If there are other elements at play, his presence might escalate the situation. Sonny says he doesn’t care how Chase feels about his business; right now, he’s a parent first. Ava comes over, and says, there’s something Sonny needs to know, when Austin asks if they’re looking for someone. Austin comes out holding Avery’s hand, while in the other, she holds a balloon.

Ava asks if Avery is all right. She was so worried. Chase tells an officer to cancel the Missing Child Alert, and Ava asks where Avery went. Austin says he was out for a run, and he saw this little one running around by the pond all on her own. Avery says she saw a bunch of balloons in the air, like ten, and she wanted to see where they were coming from. Austin says he could tell something was up, because no one was around. There were no adults, and Pilar was nowhere to be seen. Luckily, Avery remembered him as a familiar face, and he asked if she would allow him to get her a balloon in exchange for bringing her back to Pilar. Sonny tells Avery not to do that again. Never run from mommy, him, or Pilar. She knows better than that. Avery says, yes, daddy, and Sonny goes over to Pilar. He says, never let Avery out of her sight, and Pilar says she got a call. She thought it was her grandmother, but it turned out to be a telemarketer. When she looked up, Avery was gone. She’s so sorry. He says, it’s all right, and goes back to Ava and Avery. Ava says she was scared out of her mind, but Sonny says, everything’s all right. He’s going to take Avery home with him, and when Ava’s done with the police, she can come by. Ava thanks him, and he leaves with Avery. Chase asks Austin where Avery was when he spotted her, and he says, on the south side of the pond by the boathouse… Ava watches as he talks.

Nina tells Ned that Sonny just texted, and they found Avery. She was all right; she just wandered off, chasing a balloon. She’s so relieved. Ned says he can’t imagine having kids. It must be terrifying all the time. Which is why he never wanted that baggage in his life. Nina says, you’d be surprised how children can make your life a lot more meaningful, even if it’s painful, but he says he needs the room and the time to follow his passion – music. Part of him feels like even if he sticks around Port Charles, being near these kids who think he’s their old man, he could grow soft; turn into someone like the man they think he is. Nina says she thinks it’s great that he’s considering Sonny’s offer. Being a really big fish in a small pond, there’s nothing wrong with that. Ned asks, how so? and she says, the boutique labels here, there’s no national reach, no touring infrastructure for him like there is in L.A. and the city. If he stays here, it’s just for the love of music, right? He’ll play in people’s basements and living rooms, but if he goes out there in the world, he’ll just be chasing fame, and glory, and attention. That’s not what he wants, is it?

Maxie says, sorry that took her so long… Her office is empty, and she says, Brook Lynn?

Brook hugs Drew, and says she feels terrible about his sentence. That judge was so arbitrary and unfair, the opposite of justice. She wishes it didn’t have to be this way. Drew says, him too, but all of their support means a lot to him, so he thanks him. Drew says he has to check in with Carly, and Sam says she doesn’t want to run into Tracy. Drew wonders if what Sam said to Scout about visiting him on the weekends is going to be a good idea for her, but Sam says, Scout handled it when Scout visited her. She’s made of steel like her mom and dad. Dante says, if Drew happens to get into trouble in there, let him know. He might be able to help. Obviously, he’ll do it quietly, so no one knows Drew has connections to law enforcement. Drew says he appreciates that, but the best thing they can do is what they’ve been doing; be present for Scout. They shake hands, and Dante says, good luck.

Carly tells Josslyn, that’s a fortune. They’ll figure it out. She’ll get a job. She just hasn’t because she thought she’d get the MetroCourt back, but it’s been a year. She’ll get a job; that’s her reality now. Josslyn says, please let her help, but Carly says she’ll figure it out. When she came to Port Charles, she had absolutely nothing. She started on the bottom and clawed her way to the top. This is a setback. It’s a blip in her life. She’s Carly Spencer and she’ll get every single thing back that she lost. She promises that.

Lucy says she really only asked Felicia here to confide in her very, very best friend in the entire world. She would never dream of suggesting that Felicia put the P.I. hat back on for her benefit, and perhaps try to get to the bottom of the mysterious circumstances in her relationship. Felicia says, if that’s the case, forget she brought it up, but Lucy says, Felicia wins. She just needs to know what’s going on, so will Felicia please help her? Felicia says, of course (🍷), and Lucy says, who knows? It might just turn out to be a big fat nothing burger. She takes a bite of a pretty tasty looking burger.

Mac says, in the spirit of their new friendship, let him give Martin a piece of advice. Lucy doesn’t hold a grudge too often. She forgives a white lie, a transgression, even a crime, but the ones she never forgives are the ones who dismiss her; who think she’s stupid, or easily manipulated, or lacking agency. Martin says he sees, and Mac says, but Martin and Lucy are equals, on the same level, so he doesn’t see a problem. Martin flashes back to the text from Ex #3: You’ve been avoiding me. That’s a serious mistake.

Maxie calls Janine, and asks if Brook is in her office. Brook left her salad in Maxie’s office, and… Oh. What does she mean, Brook didn’t come in today? Maxie just saw her.

Tracy says, home already? She takes it Brook has something for her. Brook hands her the flashdrive, and says, all the propriety information on The Deceptor, from the current sales report to the first communications about it last fall. Tracy says, last fall? That’s a lot sooner than we thought. Brook says, we? Tracy’s been holding out on her. Is she working with someone else to take down Deception? Tracy says, yours is not to ask questions. Yours is to do as I say, or else.

Josslyn says she believes Carly is going to figure it out, and Carly says, she should. The world may be kicking them when they’re down, but she kicks back ten times harder. She hugs Josslyn and says, they’re going to get through this. Drew knocks at the window, and Carly lets him in. Josslyn hugs him, and says, it’s good to see him. She’ll give them a second. She leaves, and Drew and Carly hug. He says, now that he’s here, it’s all happening so fast, and she says, this is where they say goodbye, and he says goodbye to the moss bowl🎍. They hug again.

Ned says, Nina’s given him something to think about, when Sonny comes in with Avery. She runs to Nina, and they hug. Nina asks, what happened to her? Is she okay? Sonny says, she wandered off, but she’s doing okay, and Nina suggests they go into the kitchen for a snack. Avery says, okay, and they leave. Ned says, Sonny must have been scared there for a second, and Sonny says, now Ned must know how his family feels. Ned says, except he’s a grown man, and he doesn’t owe the Quartermaines anything; just like the Quartermaines don’t owe him anything. He has some reservations about staying in this town, and how much a local label could accomplish for him, but that being said – Nina listens from the doorway – a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. So he’s willing to give this arrangement a chance – for now. He and Sonny shake hands.

Chase thanks Austin and Pilar for answering his questions, and Austin says, right place, right time. Chase says he can give Pilar a ride, and she thanks him. She turns to Ava, saying, Miss Jerome… but Ava says, they’ll finish this conversation later. Pilar leaves with Chase, and Austin says, lucky for Ava that he was around when the nanny was out to lunch. Ava cracks him across the face, and says, you son of a bitch. You set this whole thing up, didn’t you?

Tomorrow, Portia says, there’s something she and Esme need to discuss; Carly tells Drew that she’ll wait as long as it takes; Spencer punches someone; and Ava asks what the hell Austin has gotten her into.

🍊 There wasn’t too much screaming on The Real Housewives of Orange County tonight, but there was a lot of lecturing on film protocol. Emily took her daughter Annabella, along with Anabella’s portfolio, to a modeling agency. I can see her being a helicopter stage mom. Kinder and gentler, but definitely hovering. The women were going on a shrews girls trip to Montana dude ranch, so everyone had to shop for Westernwear and cowboy boots. Emily wasn’t able to go, since she tested positive for covid, although she felt no symptoms. Heather was feeling empty nest syndrome because Max and Nikki were off to college, and Gina was feeling triggered by Jenn’s infidelity, harping on it at every opportunity. At the ranch, there was a mechanical bull outside in a corral, which I thought was weird. Shannon said she wasn’t getting on it because, vagina. She didn’t elaborate, and Tamra was like, there’s surgery for that, but in Shannon’s interview, she said she had a bony vagina. I hope she’s not putting that on her dating profile. She also said she wasn’t brushing things under rug anymore, and when Tamra toasted to new beginnings, in her interview, Shannon said she was hopeful, but cautious. It felt like the past two and a half years hadn’t existed. Oh, I’m sure it won’t take long to bring it all back. In another weird moment, Shannon dressed up like a saloon proprietress and served drinks. I have no idea if this is a dude ranch thing and planned ahead of time, or just random.

The bulk of the episode revolved around Taylor committing a faux pas or a cardinal sin, depending on your point of view. Since I’m only half-paying attention to this show, I don’t know all the details, but Taylor got a part in some movie. I’m guessing it’s like a Lifetime movie or something ironic like Sharknado. Anyway, one of the actresses dropped out, and Taylor asked if Heather might be interested. This opened up a weird can of worms that crawled all the way to Montana. Heather responded in her usual condescending manner, but not really fully explaining why she couldn’t just walk onto the set and start acting. Taylor’s feelings were hurt, and she looked at Heather’s IMDb, which she didn’t think was all that impressive. It probably isn’t. I think she’s had a lot of guest star roles on sitcoms and series, and done a few of them there Lifetime movies. Earlier, Heather had been talking to Terry about reviving her career, and wondering if her time had passed. Now she was whining about having put her life on hold to have a family. While she stressed it had been worth it, and I believe she loves her family, you’d have thought there were a lot of hardships. Have you seen her house? Anyway, dum-dum Taylor had to say something about Heather’s résumé to Tamra of all pot stirrers. On their first day in Montana, Heather had already lectured Taylor on the hierarchy of the film industry, and how the part wasn’t Taylor’s to offer. After she got wind of the IMDb assessment, it brought on a second lecture, as well as more weeping and wailing about how she’d put her life on hold for her family, and now Taylor was denigrating her career. In Gina’s interview, she said, while Taylor did a stupid thing, Heather was acting like someone took her Oscars away. She was acting like Judi-f***ing-Dench.

Next time, shoveling horsesh*t and driving a tractor.

🧊 Dropping It Like It’s Cold…

While I can’t promise blue skies, if you come back tomorrow, I can promise soap and tea for at least two. Until then, stay safe, stay using the words excuse me instead of just barreling through, and stay away from insider trading. It can be really expensive if you get caught.