Tag Archives: Lisa Vanderpump

December 18, 2017 – A Missing Disco Ball, the Return of Lala & a Pinch of 90

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

Since The I Hate This Show Right Now Walking Dead is done for the season, I took Sunday night off. Off of here anyway.  It was past time to Christmas up the house.

General Hospital

Franco used to be able to lie and sleep like a baby, but now it hurts not to tell Elizabeth things. He says there’s something he should have told her a while ago. She takes him where they can have some privacy, and says they’ll figure it out together.

At the MetroCourt, Jason calls Robin, and says things are still complicated. He needs to get in touch with Anna. Carly sees Sonny at the bar. They make holiday small talk about having fun. Zzzz…

Anna and Jordan run into each other in the park. Jordan says it’s nice to see the community coming together. She tells Anna that Andre was transferred, and seemed almost relieved. Anna says a secret like that, and watching the fallout, takes its toll. Jordan says it’s not over yet – not even close.

Drew tells Sam they’re not legally married. He meant every word of the vows, but needs to say them again in his own name. He asks her to marry him, but she says they are married. The vows are still real; names don’t count for anything. He says they do out in the world, and he wants things to be right. How much they love each other hasn’t changed. They kiss.

Maxie meets Lulu at Kelly’s. She asks if Maxie can team up with her for something worthwhile. She wants to host a food drive for feeding America.

Sam and Drew talk about all the different areas they have to deal with regarding the name change. Drew adds Oscar, and tells her about their awkward conversation. She says it will be an adjustment – like everything. They’ll work it out. He calls her Mrs. Kane. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Oscar. Sam leaves them to talk.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he may have learned the truth before everyone else. Okay, he did learn it before everyone else. After Jason came through the skylight, he confronted Andre, who admitted faking the death certificate. She says he told her, and the sky didn’t fall. She has questions, but is surprised he knew. He says he knew more than that.

Jordan tells Anna about a case where the wife knew nothing about her husband’s criminal activities, and how she’d judged her. She promised herself it would never happen to her, and she’s a cop, trained to look for clues. She had no idea about Andre; he never even raised a red flag. Anna says she was unaware as well, and some people are gifted with compartmentalizing. Maybe after he realized he couldn’t save his wife, he created a reality he could live with, and it worked for a while. Jordan says until his past caught up with him. Anna’s phone rings. Jason asks her to meet him at the MetroCourt. Jordan asks if everything is okay, but Anna isn’t sure

Jason joins Sonny and Carly. They talk about Spinelli being the best one to check over the manuscript. Sonny says, unless he gets distracted by the story. Ha-ha! Sam comes in, and asks Carly about settling the bill for the launch party. They go out in the hallway, and Carly asks if really abut the bill. Sam says yes, then admits it’s no. Drew just pointed out obvious, that they’re not legally married, and he asked her to marry him again. Carly asks what she said.

Drew Is glad Oscar dropped by. Their meeting didn’t go the way he’d hoped. Oscar says maybe they should forget it. No point in forcing it if Drew isn’t interested. Drew says he wanted to give Oscar space, but he is interested. He just doesn’t want to pressure Oscar, but hopes he’s interested too.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he wanted to know who was who, and Andre sent him a printed document, saying he’d know what to do with it. Elizabeth is shocked he knew and had proof. He says he went back and forth, but didn’t want to tell her something that would upset her. She’s at a loss. Two men literally had their lives stolen, and he could have proved everything. She asks him why, and he says, Jason.

Jason tells Sonny about the memory baseline. Sonny says the transfer was just a preliminary step to something bigger. Brick is working on getting the files from Russia. He says the money was laundered six ways to Sunday, and it will take a long time. Jason thanks him, saying he must be spending a bundle on the investigation. Sonny says he has his right hand back, and the investment is even better than he thought.

Sam tells Carly that she’s in love with Drew; they have a family and a child. Carly says she has a family and a child with Jason. Sam says, had; there’s difference. Carly tells her that she has time to think. Sam says it’s just a name, and it shouldn’t change anything. Carly gets what she’s doing, but wouldn’t be able to do it herself. She says Sam loves Jason, and no matter how well she guards her heart, it will eventually come out. Sam says she’s not denying it, and Carly says even if she doesn’t say the words, Drew probably knows. He’s out there thinking he’s doing the noble thing, and she’s doing the same, but no one is happy. Not Drew, not Jason, and especially not her.

Lulu says while she was doing research on the school lunch program, she found out that one in four Americans go hungry every day. They don’t talk about it, so it becomes an invisible problem. A lot of them live in urban deserts, where fresh produce isn’t available, so she wants to concentrate on that. Maxie asks how, and tells her that she needs to get the word out. Lulu says that’s why she came to her.

Franco says Jason hates him like God hates sin, and has a certain amount of influence over her. Elizabeth asks if Franco thought she’d dump him if Jason said so. Franco says Jason can’t get past the terrible things he did, even though it wasn’t him back then. He’s thinks Jason will come up with something to make him pay. Elizabeth asks if he thinks Jason will hurt him. Franco says it wouldn’t surprise him, but he’s afraid of Jason changing her viewpoint on him. He didn’t tell the truth, and was a coward. Elizabeth says, yes, he was.

Oscar is like, it’s cool, and Drew says, baby steps. They talk about Scout. Drew says Scout would love to meet him, and Oscar says he’d like to meet her. Drew tells him that they’ll set that up.

Anna joins Sonny and Jason. Jason tells Anna that before Andre left the country, he stashed a flash drive in an ornament that he gave to her. She says it must be the disco ball, but she didn’t know anything was inside of it. She says it’s at home, and she’ll get it. I’m guessing it’s with the other ornaments. No way it could be this easy.

Sam says that Carly adores Jason, and would do anything to give him what he wants. Carly says she does, and he wants Sam’s happiness. Jason will be okay; he’ll survive without her. The person she wants it for is Sam, but she’s just worried about Drew. Jason is just as much of a victim, but it seems like Drew has all the sympathy and is the only one allowed to grieve. Jason came back after being held captive for five years, and found out his life was no longer his own, yet everyone is wringing their hands over Drew. Sam says Jason will be fine. Carly tells her that’s exactly why she’s with Drew, and why it’s a mistake.

Lulu tells Maxie that she wants to host the event at Kelly’s. They’ve already offered a huge donation of fruit and vegetables. Maxie thinks The Floating Rib will match it, and Lulu is also going to talk to Carly about the MetroCourt. She tells Maxie they need a social media presence, and Maxie says, done. Lulu says she makes giving fashionable.

Elizabeth tells Franco that her biggest problem is that Jason is Jake’s father. This affected her son’s life. Doesn’t he care about how Jake feels? Franco says her boys are the second-best thing that’s ever happened in his life, and it’s hard for him. He doesn’t want Jason near Jake; hanging out, and bonding in matching black T-shirts. The last thing he wants Jake to know about him are the horrible things he’s done. Elizabeth says he’s going to eventually find out, with or without Jason. Franco was sick. He’s worried Jason can persuade Jake otherwise, but she says she can be persuasive too. He can’t keep doing this. The world is bigger than him and his fears. He says she’s his world, and to tell him he has her. She says he does, but he has to stop. If he has any deep, dark secret, now’s the time.

Drew and Oscar make small talk about school. Drew asks if Oscar has any questions, but Oscar says none he can probably answer. Drew tells him to take a shot, and Oscar asks what he was like when he was younger, and what it was like with his first girlfriend. Drew wishes he could answer, but he can’t remember. Oscar would also like to know about his mom, if she ever let loose or was she always like a mom-in-training? Drew says his mom might enjoy that conversation, but Oscar thinks she wouldn’t give him answers. He does know one thing about Drew; the music he liked, or at least what he thought Oscar’s mother would like. He’d made a CD for her. Drew can’t believe she kept it, and asks if there are any embarrassing songs, but Oscar says it’s pretty solid. He asks if Drew would like to hear it.

Sonny says if they find the flash drive intact, then what? Jason says he’ll ask Drew to undergo the procedure. Sonny asks what if he says no, and Jason thinks he can remember on his own. Even though he has Jason’s memories, why are they so different? He thinks Drew already remembers more than he realizes.

Carly says Sam just admitted she loves Jason. Sam says she always will, but is in love with Drew. Carly says you can love two people, but only be with one. She tells Sam you should be with the one who really gets you, all the way to your toes. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Back at the park, Anna tells Jordan there’s something important in the box of ornaments, and she has to find it.

Sam says Carly makes it sound easy. Carly knows it’s not, but whatever Sam decides, she has her back. She says she’d by lying if she didn’t say she was rooting for Jason, but the team she’s on is Sam’s.

Carly goes back inside. Sam and Jason gaze at each other. Sam leaves.

Elizabeth tells Franco to promise no more secrets. He says one more, and he’s secret free. He tells her that he went to see Betsy after he found out Drew was alive. He wanted to know why she sent Drew away, and not him. She told him it was because she was protecting Drew. According to her, he tried to kill Drew by pushing him down the stairs. She sent Drew away, and kept Franco close to keep an eye on him. Elizabeth says Jason was right; he’s evil. When Jason finds out Franco is the person he thought he was, he’ll pay. This is all just in Franco’s mind. Elizabeth says if they’re going to make it work, she needs to know. He says no more secrets. She asks if he promises, and he says, cross my heart. Why does he do this?

Sonny asks Carly if everything is okay. Carly tells him that Sam is overwhelmed. She tried to help, but thinks she made things worse. Anna calls Jason. She asks him to meet her in the park, and tells him that they have a problem.

Sam asks Drew how it went with Oscar. He thinks it went well; at least better than the first time. He asks how she is. She left pretty fast, and he hopes it wasn’t the proposal. She says he was right; they’ll always be them. Legalities mean nothing. She loves him, their life together, and everything they’ve created. Yes, she’ll marry him. He tells her that he loves her so much, and she makes him happy, but they can’t right now. Not like this.

Franco apologizes to Elizabeth for lying. She wishes he hadn’t, but understands. There’s no reasoning with Jason when he sees something a certain way, but moving forward, he needs to be brave enough to trust her, so she can trust him with her heart and boys’ hearts. She loves him more than she’s ever loved anyone. She can’t wait to be his wife. They kiss.

Sonny asks Carly what’s really going on with Sam. She tells him that she and Drew aren’t legally married. He says the hits just keep on coming, but she wishes Sam could see it as a blessing. She thinks staying with Drew is the noble thing, but loves Jason. How do you stay married, even if you love someone, when your soulmate still in picture? Sonny says maybe she’ll realize. Carly asks what he and Jason were talking about, and he says how to handle a threat, when you don’t know what you’re dealing with. Faison switched them for a reason, but they don’t know what it is.

Drew tells Sam that Oscar has questions about who he was, but he couldn’t answer them. It’s not fair to him or any of his kids, and especially not to Sam. He needs to try get his memory back. The person he loves most should know about him. He asks her to wait for him. He has to find himself. He feels like they’re meant to be, and they’re forever. She kisses him.

Jason meets Anna at the park. She tells him the ornament is gone. Her housekeeper must have made a mistake, and put it in the box with the other ornaments. The rest are all accounted for, except for that one. Jason thinks it’s not an accident. She asks him what was on the flash drive, and he says supposedly Drew’s memory. It can lead them to the person who put it into motion.

We see the disco ball opened on a desk. So when is Faison getting here?

Tomorrow, Obrecht tells Britt not to betray Faison, Julian says he only told Alexis the good news, and Sam wants to know what’s going on.

🌽  On a Personal Note…

In regard to Lulu’s venture to feed America, please donate to your local food bank when you can. I understand what it’s like to be hungry. Having gone through broke AF times, the food bank was an invaluable resource. Lulu was right about there being a lack of fresh produce though. It’s hard to come by when you’re poor and hungry. Since I live in an area where there are farms not far away, it was a real blessing when farmers donated to the bank. Another blessing was the “ugly” vegetable department in my Shoprite, where they sell the not-so-pretty vegetables, as well as those that are still edible, but about to turn. (Not turn into zombie vegetables, but they wouldn’t be lasting much longer.) So besides donations, you can also sign petitions requesting that places like Walmart carry these. And if you are the one who’s hungry, there’s no shame in going to your food bank. It’s there for a reason – use it – but pay it forward when you’re back on your feet.

Vanderpump Rules

I’m not sure how last week can be topped. Unless Jax is drawn and quartered.

Stassi and Brittany go to the spa. Today would be Brittany and Jax’s two-year anniversary. Brittany had planned a spa day for the two of them, but since he can’t keep it in his pants, she’s bringing Stassi instead. She’s one of the few people who knows exactly how Brittany feels. Brittany says she keeps going all over the place. Stassi would never suggest not getting back together, but she is. Brittany tells her that she knows what’s best, but she doesn’t know if she can follow through. Stassi knows Jax is saying what she wants to hear, and doesn’t want her to go through what she did. We flash back to that. Brittany says it’s so new, and she’s confused. She admits to having sex with Jax last night. She doesn’t know why, and Stassi says she’s feeling emotion when he’s crying and whining he’ll never do it again.

Tom and James take Jax out for a drink. He wishes Brittany would hook up with someone else, and they’ d be even. Once again showing us what a shallow, empty-headed jerk he is. In his mind, it would fix things. He tells them he was planning on staying at a hotel, but ended up staying at the apartment. They had more sex in the last two days than they’ve had in six months. Tom says it’s been two months since he’s had any, and it’s freaking him out. In his interview, James wonders if this is what the future holds for him. Tom is starting to feel skeezy coming on to his own girlfriend, and downloaded an audio book on intimacy at three am.

Schwartz brings Lisa flowers, and she asks what he’s done. He says the meeting they had left a bad taste in his mouth, and he wanted to apologize on behalf of both of them. Lisa says it’s not him that’s guilty, but Tom is being negative and accused her of spying. Schwartz says they’re a team, and he wants to “moisturize” the situation. Lisa tells him some of the things Tom said, and says she and Ken are bringing experience, financing, and a plethora of other things to the table. She needs them to be positive. Ken says they should grasp the opportunity both hands. Schwartz says they are really appreciative, and that he’s ready to get serious. They’re invested in this. Lisa promises they’ll have another meeting. Lisa thinks the Toms and Jax must have a standing order with the flower people, since they need to apologize so often.

Lisa and Nathalie (Lisa’s partner) meet with Stassi at SUR. Lisa goes over some of the things they’ve already done for the upcoming party. Stassi says she didn’t dream about being an event planner, but wants to be a boss, and she can’t think of anyone better to learn from. Scheana was concerned that Stassi would be telling them what to do, so Nathalie tells her it’s not her job to deal with the servers. In her interview, Stassi says she should be annoyed, but she isn’t. It shows she’s above all that now. Lisa wants to see Stassi mature as much as the business has, but says she can’t wish for everything. Stassi doesn’t want to mess anything up, and Lisa tells her just be on the same page as her and Nathalie.

Katie tells Schwartz about the girls throwing a party for Brittany. They don’t want her to be scared of dumping Jax’s ass and starting over. Tom comes over, and tells Schwartz that he found a machine that can freeze any drink. Schwartz tells him not to get ahead, because Lisa and Ken are still mulling it over. In his interview, Tom says if the new restaurant turns out to be the one that got away, it will haunt him. Schwartz says from now on, they only vent to each other. Katie is proud of him, and says they can bring the quirk and flair, and Ken and Lisa can bring the class.

Brittany joins Ariana at the stables. Ariana says if she didn’t have riding, she doesn’t know what she’d do. It always centers her, and she wants to carry that back to her relationship. She’s riding in a competition, and is nervous because she wants to win. I think that’s the idea of a competition. She takes a spill, and the horse gets kooky. She tells Brittany she bailed, because she realized he wasn’t going to stop. She’s worried he might get spooked during the competition.

At Vanderpump Dogs, Lisa cuddles some of the furbabies. Raquel is volunteering today, and in her interview, Lisa says she’s like Bambi on steroids. She tells Raquel she still ahs to treat it like a job, and show commitment. In his interview, James says he and Raquel both have their own ways of dealing with things. He smokes weed; she pets dogs. James tells Lisa that he’s ready for his Turn It Up Tuesdays at SUR. In her interview, Lisa thinks if he does something autonomous, he’ll take responsibility, and might actually get it together.

Tom and Ariana’s brother go to watch Ariana compete. She says she and Walter (the horse) don’t have that trusting relationship yet, aka, she doesn’t trust him. Tom tells Jeremy that she always gets freaked out before a show. Tom says it’s awkward to broach the subject with him, but he and Ariana haven’t been having sex. Ariana said if he cheated once, they’d be done, but he wonders how anyone could blame him. Jeremy says they have to hash it out; there’s a root to the problem somewhere.

We watch Ariana ride. Tom thinks she looks hot. They already have a whip, so he thinks maybe they should get a saddle. She gets a blue ribbon. He says, save a horse, ride a cowboy – or a bartender.

Brittany tells Jax she’s going to Stassi’s for a pajama party. They’re throwing it in her honor, with her favorite things, and will probably talk sh*t about him. He says it’s between the two of them, and has nothing to do with the other girls. Brittany says she loves him, but it’s hard. He doesn’t understand how people can say he’s manipulative. I would say only to girls with no brain, but Stassi isn’t stupid. I find him repulsive, so I just don’t get it. Brittany asks if she’s going to find anything else out, but he says no.

Stassi wants the party to be special, and got a beer cheese recipe from Brittany’s memaw. Katie brings a piñata with Jax’s face on it, and Kristen has a gun that shoots tequila into your mouth. No thanks. I don’t even want to drink it from a glass.

The guys meet at a bar. The owner was once the manager at PUMP, and Tom is psyched, hoping the meeting about TomTom leads to something like that for him. Schwartz says the girls have set aside their differences to hate Jax together.

Brittany arrives, and Scheana and Ariana are right behind. In her interview, Stassi says it feels good to be the bigger person, but she hates when the angel wins. She shows Brittany the spread of all her favorite foods, and the beer cheese gets her approval. In her interview, Brittany confesses that it was a brave attempt, but not like her grandmother’s cheese.

The guys do shots. Tom says it’s the perfect storm ready to destroy the City of Jax. In his interview, Schwartz says the girls are the ideal espionage team, and Jax doesn’t appreciate the sh*t storm coming his way.

The girls beat on the piñata, and Brittany rips its head off. Alrighty then.

James tells everyone about his debut at SUR. If he does it right, he gets a percentage of the bar. In his interview, he says it’s crazy how much can happen in a year. We flash back to him being a total idiot. He swears he’s changed. My jury is out. It’s still early in the season.

The girls have orchestrated a spell. Stassi says it’s about scorning a cheating lover, and Katie is facilitating. In her interview, Katie says it’s so that Jax will receive his karmic punishment. Brittany says normally, she wouldn’t dabble in witchcraft, but she thinks the way Jax treated her, even Jesus would be on board. They light some candles and use some other props. Ariana is concerned that if she goes a whole night being cordial, Stassi will want to be friends again. Everyone kisses and makes up.

Lisa gets a drink from Wesley, the new SUR bartender. She has a meeting there with Lala. She tells Lala it’s been a while, and Lala asks if she’s surprised to hear from her. She’d like her job back. She has a man who provides her with amazing things (she’s still with the same guy), but he’s not an ATM machine, and she wants to pay her own bills. Lisa says she has a tendency to cut and run when she gets nervous, and makes things up. She says she should have been honest, and admits to leaving Lisa hanging, but asks forgiveness. It is granted. Lisa says she’s always fought for her. She tells Lala that she likes her very much, and Lala says she’s changed a lot. Lisa tells her she can come back. In her interview, Lisa says Lala is a fabulous hostess, and inside the tough exterior, is like a lost puppy. She tells Lala if she becomes unreliable, she’s out.

Peter asks how Jax is doing. He says it’s getting better, and the sex is the best. Tom says he should be prepared. Schwartz says they’ve taken precautionary measures. Tom brings out a locking chastity device for men. I’m not sure what to say…

Brittany isn’t sure what she’s going to do. She doesn’t want to upset anyone. Ariana asks if he told her it was a onetime thing, because it wasn’t. She says several people have said it. Stassi says she’ll always hear things about Jax, and for the most part they’re true. Ariana does a perfect imitation of Jax making excuses. Brittany calls him, and he goes outside with the phone. He swears on his life that it was only once. Brittany decides to bluff him, and says she has proof; she’s there. He asks why she’s setting him up, and she says she didn’t know it was more than once. She tells him Faith isn’t really there, but she wants the truth. He asks what does it matter, once or ten times, mirroring exactly what Ariana said when she mimicked him. He says it doesn’t make a difference, but she says it changes everything – he’s gone. Jax, who by now is pacing up and down the sidewalk, screams for her to shut-up, and that he didn’t do it. She says that’s not changing anything. They’re done. She hangs up.

Jax comes back in, and tells the guys that it was only once. Tom isn’t doubting it, but if he did it more than once, he needs to tell her. Jax insists it was just once.

Ariana calls Tom, and tells him that Jax isn’t allowed to stay at the apartment tonight. The girls are going back with Brittany. He knows how crazy Kristen is, and it will get intense if he comes home. Tom tells the table that the girls are charged up, and Jax can’t go home tonight.

Brittany stirs her drink, and shakes her head. The rest of the girls all look bummed.

Next time, Lisa asks if the Toms are in or out, Nathalie tells Stassi that Lisa is hard to impress, and Katie and Schwartz argue.

👰 💍 The 90-Day Fiancé finale was tonight, along with a Couples Tell All, but I still have to watch it before I prepare my thesis. However, I can’t hold inside that I was right about Molly not making it to the altar with Luis. Not only did he scoff at being a stepfather, saying they were her kids, he got really weird with his deflection during an argument. In the middle of her wailing about how he was a bully, and didn’t want her kids around, he suddenly started criticizing how she decorated with things like Buddhas,  owls, and candles, practically saying she was a devil worshiper. It was out of the blue, off-topic, and strange. She called it quits, but as if life wasn’t bad enough for her, Molly was already married to him. They weren’t going to the church, but had already been to a Justice of the Peace. D’oh! Not sure what happens now. The producers were pretty shocked.

😧 Postscript: I’m watching Couples Tell All as I’m editing this, and they’re back together. Once again, I don’t know what to say…

WTFSteve

WTF

WTFKramer

December 11, 2017 – Andre Has an Ally, Brittany Goes to Vegas & a Little Shep

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

 

All Britt knows is that her father thought Jason was dead, was furious when he found out otherwise, and wanted the traitor dead. Sonny asks if she knew the traitor’s name, but she says no. She’s truly sorry, but says Jason not only survived, he’s in excellent shape. Why not just move on? Jason says because her father gave his life to someone else.

Drew asks how well she knew him. She says they didn’t know each other long, but their time together was pretty intense. She got pregnant, and Oscar is his son. Sam overhears.

Michael tells Carly that Nelle is pregnant, and Nelle says, congratulations, grandma. <snort> Carly says it’s the oldest trick in the book. Michael says the doctor confirmed it, and she’s six-weeks along. Carly says the baby isn’t his.

Anna goes into the interrogation room, and tells Andre this is a fine predicament.

At the hospital, Finn tells Cassandra that the last test he was worried about is negative; she’s completely in the clear. She wonders why he’s looking upset, and he says he wasted her time, and brought her all the way there for nothing. She says it wasn’t a complete waste, and asks why he’s being so formal with her. He says it has nothing to do with her, and she wonders what’s put him in a foul mood.

Sonny says they know Britt and Faison checked in three days ago. Wasn’t he worried about being recognized? She says her father has a talent for being incognito. She explains that before coming back, they traveled all over Europe, naming some major cities. Jason asks if they went to St. Petersburg, and she says they did. He wonders why they were touring the financial capitals. Sonny thinks maybe he was tracing where the traitor had gone. Jason says maybe he was following the traitor’s path, to see what else they might have done.

Sam joins Kim and Drew, saying she didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Drew asks if Oscar knows, and Kim says she hasn’t told him, but he started asking questions after his brother showed up on Thanksgiving. She says she wore her heart on her sleeve, seeing a face she knew. Drew says, just when think it can’t get more strange. Kim tells him that they hit it off fast, and spent a couple of months together. It wasn’t a fling; they had a real connection, but he was scheduled to be deployed with an open-ended tour. They both knew they’d probably never see each other again. Drew asks if she let him leave without telling him she was pregnant.

Nelle says It’s common knowledge that Carly didn’t know who Michael’s father was, trying to pass him off as Tony Jones’s child, and then AJ’s. No one seemed to have any issue about her sleeping with two brothers, and her stepfather. Nelle says she’s not promiscuous, and has only been with Michael. Carly interjects that it was after she pretended to sleep with Sonny. Carly says she thinks it’s going to be her golden ticket, but the first thing they’re doing is a paternity test.

Andre didn’t expect to see Anna. She asks if he doesn’t think she cares about the people affected?  Or him? He tells her that he didn’t think she wanted anything to do with him. She says he was a good friend when she needed one, and she wants to be one for him, but she has to understand why this happened or why he didn’t come to her. He says he didn’t want to bother her, but she thinks he didn’t want her to know he was playing God with everyone’s lives. She asks, why? Andre says why does it matter? He can’t undo it. Anna says when he came to her that night to say goodbye, he told her that she’d hear things that would make him sound bad, and he wanted her to hold on to the good. She has, and believes him and knows him. She knows someone or something powerful made him do it; it just doesn’t make sense. What was so important that he destroyed all these lives, including his own? Andre says, his wife.

Finn explains to Cassandra that he’s developed a new painkiller that could revolutionize the treatment of patients, but the board is refusing to fund it. Cassandra says that’s shortsighted. The royalties from his last discovery is keeping life in the hospital. He says it doesn’t technically treat an illness, but making patients comfortable is part of their treatment. He tells her that they’re concerned about it being highly addictive if administered incorrectly. Cassandra asks if he’s put in a new drug application, and says he might have to just live with the satisfaction of saving lives. Finn says this time he’d like to get paid, and she says, as well he should.

Jason says maybe killing him wasn’t the traitor’s only job. Maybe they were handling operations in other cities, and Faison wanted to see if they were being handled correctly. Sonny asks Britt what kind of mood he was in, and she says it wasn’t that great to begin with, and got steadily worse. Jason asks when he went out, and what he was wearing when she did. Britt says mostly suits in the daytime, but he went out occasionally in the evening. Jason says those cities are financial capitals, and Sonny thinks Faison needed a clear picture on what the traitor did. He asks Britt if the traitor is dead, and if that’s why he left.

Josslyn and Oscar walk in the park. She says he doesn’t have to see the results. He’s gone his entire life without knowing, and if he wants to go on not knowing, it’s okay. He says it’s not okay to hide from the truth. She tells him to just click, and he asks her to do it. She does, and asks if he wants to look at it, or should she just tell him. Oscar wants her to tell him, and Josslyn says Drew is his father.

Kim didn’t know she was pregnant when Drew left. She found out weeks after he was deployed. Drew says he’s sorry she went through it alone, and Kim says he didn’t do it on purpose. He was a different man in a different life. She tells him it didn’t feel right putting it in a letter, and she couldn’t email or call because he was classified, and she wasn’t family. In all fairness, she didn’t tell his superiors; she thought he should know first. After Oscar was born, the most important thing was to make sure he was loved and cared for and protected. She finished her internship, then her residency and specialty. There was a lot of life to deal with, and she questioned whether or not to drop the bomb on him. The Drew she knew was dedicated to the SEALs. He’d told her once that it wasn’t fair to ask someone to wait, and she wondered if he’d even welcome the news. She thought it was better for Oscar not to know, especially if he didn’t want anything to do with him. Then one Christmas, after the presents were unwrapped, Oscar had fallen asleep. He’d been so excited about Santa, he’d been up all night. At that moment, she realized she was robbing him of all the moments. She contacted the Navy in 2013, but they told her he’d deserted.

Michael tells Carly that he was thinking the same thing, but right now wanted to focus on the pregnancy. One step at a time. Nelle asks if he’s still questioning that he’s the father. Carly says they wouldn’t believe her if she said the sky was blue. Nelle tells Michael that he knows the dates. Michael says he’s constantly caught her in lies, and he’s been lied to before about a child being his, then had the rug pulled out from under him. It’s not happening again, and he won’t believe her until it’s proven.

Andre tells Anna that his wife’s name is Kita; he called her Kato. He met her at an art show, but could focus only on her. She was beautiful with an intoxicating laugh. Her life was like a light, and she was way out of his league. He was scared to talk to her, but as he was leaving, she stopped him. She said if he was going to stare at her all night, at least buy her a drink, and he did. Anna says she sounds incredible. Andre says he fell hard, and they moved in together after six months. She was his best friend, and they were so in love. He joined the WSB, and was sent overseas for a year, but she couldn’t come with him. They decided to elope, so they would stay committed to each other. Anna says he keeps talking about her in the past tense; what happened? Jordan is walking by the door, and hears them. He says after they were married for three months, her sister called him. Something was wrong. Kita was disoriented and losing her memory. He came back, and found out it was the early onset of Alzheimer’s. Anna says, so he created the memory map to save the woman he loved. By now, they’re both crying. Andre says he couldn’t lose her. Jordan listens outside the door.

Britt doesn’t think the traitor is dead; her father was too agitated, and would have been calmer. He got a phone call the other night, and went out. He came back in a foul mood, and said they had to go. Jason asks what this is, showing her a half-burned manuscript by P.K. Sinclair. I get so excited, I don’t even notice the title, which might possibly be significant.

Kim tells Drew that she’s sorry. Drew says given what she knew, she did the best thing. Kim tells him, now it’s up to him to decide what happens next.

Oscar asks Josslyn if this is really happening; Drew is his father. Josslyn can’t believe it’s happening either. He says he’s overwhelmed and shocked. It was one thing to think Drew was his father, and another to have the proof. Josslyn says, omg, the Quartermaines. They’re Drew’s family, and now they’re Oscar’s too, including Michael. He was named after Sonny, but his father is a Quartermaine. Oscar asks if he and Josslyn are related, and she says not even close. She only has half-siblings, and now he does too. Scout is his half-sister. He says it’s kind of cool, but doesn’t know how to process it. His whole life, it’s just been him and his mom. Now, there are all these people, a sister, the Quartermaines. He wonders if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Andre spent years developing a master plan that could save Kita, but by the time it was viable, she was too far gone. The light, the energy that was so much a part of her, had been extinguished. She didn’t even know him. Anna asks where she is, and Andre tells her in a facility under her parents care. She occasionally remembered them, but never him. He says with Jason and Andrew, he didn’t mean for things to go this far. He was truly trying to help. Anna believes him. She says she’ll talk to the authorities on his behalf, and Andre says that’s more than he deserves. She tells him take care of himself, and he says her too. She gets up, and he says whoever is behind this is someone powerful. He tells her to be careful, and she tells him to be careful too. When Anna is gone, Jordan walks in. She asks if he was never going to tell her he was married.

Britt says P.K. Sinclair was a pen name her father used when he wrote a series of books about a spy named Daphne in the 80s. Jason wonders why he’d torch his own book, and she says she doesn’t know about that manuscript; she doesn’t think he wrote it. It just showed up, and the last thing he did before he left, was put it in the fireplace. Sonny wonders what about the book could make him so nervous?

Kim tells Drew to take all the time he needs, and she’ll do a DNA test if he wants. She’s not expecting anything from him. She’s been taking care of Oscar his whole life, and they’re just fine. If he doesn’t want a relationship, that’s okay too. Drew didn’t mean to imply that, and she tells him sorry to throw his life in turmoil. Geez, he should be used to it by now. She’s sure they have a lot to talk about, but whatever he decides, she asks him not to do it tonight. She owes it to Oscar to tell him the truth first. Drew asks what Oscar is like; he’s met him a few times, and he seems like a good kid. Kim says he’s a great kid, and a fine young man – just like he was. She leaves, and Sam hugs Drew.

Cassandra says she’s all clear, and Finn has made his last note. She’s no longer his patient. Finn says technically, no. She says then there’s no good no reason to decline her invitation to meet tomorrow, and enjoy a conversation and meal. He says, as friends, and she says, what about colleagues? He asks what that’s about, and she thinks there’s a way they can help each other.

Jordan says Andre was married the whole time, but he says it’s not that simple. She says she would have understood, but he didn’t give her a chance. Andre tells her the marriage was dissolved years ago. Her family asked him to end it, so they could be her primary caregivers. He walked away from the woman he loved to give her peace. Jordan asks if he thought she would think less of him, and he says, yes. He had to put it in the past. He’s sorry. He knows he should have been honest, but was afraid of losing the first woman who made him feel like he could love again.

Nelle says she’s not jeopardizing her pregnancy with an invasive procedure. Carly says times have changed. It’s non-invasive now, and can be done as early as ten weeks. Michael says Nelle has no reason to worry or object. I wonder when Nelle would have had the time to be with someone else.

Britt says that Faison threw the manuscript in the fire, and said if she wasn’t going with him, she was on her own. She says she’s answered all of their questions, and asks if Sonny could answer one for her. She wonders how Ben has been. She knows he’s named Rocco now, but he’ll always be Ben to her. Sonny says he’s a good kid, and tells Britt that he had a long list for Santa. She thanks him for telling her, but he says don’t make him regret it. She can’t have contact with him or Spencer. She tells him that she won’t, and asks what now? He says he’s calling Dante, and telling him she’s there. Britt says she can save him the trouble. Give her a ride to the station. She’ll turn herself in.

Nelle says as long as they can guarantee it’s not invasive, go ahead and schedule the test. Michael will see she’s telling the truth. Carly says that will be a first. Nelle knows how they feel about her, but she’s not asking for anything. She tells Michael to sell the apartment. After this, there’s nothing connecting them. If he wants to be a father, she won’t stop him, but if not, it’s on him, but they’ll be fine.

Jordan says Andre should have told her the truth. She wouldn’t be walking around agonizing, thinking the man she once loved is a stranger. She thanks him, and understands. He tells her the whole time they were together, he kept accusing her of pulling away, but how could he expect her to be open when he wasn’t willing to let her see the real him? Here he is; the real him, finally. He hopes getting to know him now, brings her that peace. She says it’s nice to meet him too, and hopes he also gets the peace he needs.

Cassandra says she’ll set something up. Finn is curious as to how they help one another, and asks if she has any hints. She doesn’t want to ruin the surprise, but she might have something for him in her pharmaceutical company. They’ll discuss it, providing his lady friend doesn’t mind. Finn says she’s not part of this, and won’t mind. Cassandra goes into the elevator, and Finn sees Anna. She asks, what is he doing?

Jason believes the traitor kept him alive. Sonny says they don’t know if it’s even a man or a woman. Jason says maybe Drew saw them, since he was taken first. His memory was removed, but Andre took a baseline. Maybe he can give Drew his memories back. Didn’t Andre burn all the research?

Drew tells Sam that he doesn’t know how to proceed. He has a son now. How can they have a relationship after all these years? He doesn’t even know who he is. How can he make up for the years lost? Sam says he can’t, but he can start from here. He asks what about her, and she says nothing has changed. They knew he had a life before, and there might be more surprises. She’s in it for the long haul. If he wants to pursue a relationship with Oscar, she’s all in. They kiss.

Kim finds Oscar and Josslyn. Josslyn says she was just about to go. Kim says there’s something she wants to talk to Oscar about on the way home. He says he wants to talk about something too. Josslyn hugs him, and whispers, good luck. As they walk, Kim says she knows he’s been looking for answers.

Carly tells Michael when test proves Nelle is lying, she’ll be out of their lives for good. Michael asks what if it’s the truth? Carly says she’s lied about everything else. He says there’s a good chance the baby is his. If it is, she’s going to be part of their lives whether they like it or not.

Anna says Finn is doing the exactly what she told him not to. He asks if he’s a Labrador. He doesn’t work for her, and what he does on his own time is his business. She says he’s in over his head. He tells her that argument was nowhere to be found when she wanted him to deceive Cassandra before. He thinks he can play her, and she’ll be none the wiser. He cares as much as Anna does, and he’s moving forward, with or without her approval. She threatens to arrest him, and he tells her to go ahead. She just looks at him, and he says he didn’t think so. When he leaves, she says, okay, fine. Two can play at this game.

Tomorrow, Britt is glad to see someone, Laura takes on a new challenge, and Cassandra and Finn make a toast.

Vanderpump Rules

Lala looks good in the credits. There’s something a lot less harsh-looking about her.

Back at Scheana’s masquerade party, Schwartz says his instinct is to defend Jax. Brittany tells Jax if it’s true, she’s moving out, taking the dogs, and he can go to effing hell. Lisa approaches Faith, who swears Jax told her that he and Brittany were done. Seriously? She didn’t double-check that? Where was Brittany? In the bathroom? Lisa tells Brittany she doesn’t know what to believe. In her interview, Lisa never believes anything starting with I heard, but when it comes to Jax, it’s true. Jax says he’s blindsided. In his interview, he doesn’t understand, claiming he’s been faithful. Brittany is embarrassed, but Kristen and Scheana say she has nothing to be embarrassed about, and she’s the best thing that’s happened to all of them. Kristen tells Brittany that Jax is lucky she didn’t shove her stiletto down his throat and up his ass. Alrighty then. I hope she’s on my side in a fight. Inside, Jax calls for shots. Tom tells Scheana they don’t know for sure, and Jax says he’s not going to chase her down the street. Scheana says he should; her heart is broken, and he doesn’t deserve her.

James tells them that Faith missed her period. In his interview, Jax says this kind of sh*t ruins people’s lives. Like he didn’t have anything to do with it. Brittany thought he was changing for her, but if this is true, she’s punching him in his fake nose.

At Villa Rosa, Fadi the car broker brings Lisa a new offering from Ken. She tells us that she doesn’t like to be brattish in saying outright that she wants something, but is very good at hinting. Stassi drops by, and admires the car. In her interview, she says if being good at sex means a Rolls Royce, she must not be good, and needs to step it up.

Lisa asks what’s going on. She heard Stassi is interested in event planning. Stassi says she loves styling, decorating, and throwing parties, and event planning is like styling an atmosphere. If she’s going to learn from anyone, it’s Lisa. She wants to see if she’s cut out for this. Lisa says she’s extraordinarily bright, but a pita, and we flash back to Stassi being just that. Lisa thinks she definitely has a sense of style, something that can’t be taught; it has to be inherent. She asks Stassi to organize part of the restaurant for a party on Saturday. Stassi mentions that she’s gotten back together with Patrick. Lisa asks why not Jax? They discuss the situation with Brittany. Stassi says Jax is lucky she wasn’t at the party. She’s always wanted to impale someone, and put their head on a spike in her apartment. Lisa doesn’t get what the attraction is, and Stassi says Jax tells women what they want to hear. Lisa says he did the same thing to her, and Stassi says it’s a weird time to think about.

Brittany says too many people know about it and she has to tell her mom. Katie says she’s the last person who deserves this. She doesn’t know why he does this when he has perfect girl. She thinks he has a serious problem. She talks about the problems they’ve had, and how she found fake eyelashes on the counter. She wonders what’s wrong with her, and Katie tells Brittany that it wouldn’t matter; he would do this to anyone. Brittany says she’s going to Vegas. She’s single and is going to act like it.

Jax sticks his head in the room, but Brittany doesn’t want to look at him. He insists he didn’t do anything. and says someone is trying to sabotage him. He shows Brittany some texts, which don’t make things any better, and probably make them worse. She throws the phone at him, and says she hates him. He doesn’t deserve her. She moved, and left her family for him. She’s done. She hates him. Brittany cries on Katie’s shoulder, and Jax leaves.

James and Raquel go to PUMP. Lisa has funny sense of déjà vu, seeing Raquel’s super short short-shorts. We flash back to Brittany wearing similar ones when she had her job interview. James says the party was fun, but Lisa doesn’t quite agree. He says Raquel is interested in working at Vanderpump Pets. Harrison! Lisa asks what she does as a job, and Raquel says she’s a model and goes to school for kinesiology (it’s strange and complicated – google it). Lisa says it would probably be better if she volunteered. The volunteers do the brushing, walking, and cleaning up. In her interview, Lisa says Raquel is going to be on her knees with a scooper. She sarcastically tells Raquel to wear shorter shorts, and Raquel promises to dress appropriately for work.

James asks if he could take over SUR one night. Lisa says she thought the meeting wasn’t about him, and he says he thought he’d kill two birds with one stone, since she’s so busy. In his interview, James says he misses working for Lisa. In her interview, Lisa calls him a pita, but says she thought he’d come back, and hopefully be more mature. She might give it a try, but she’s not going to make it easy. He’s going to have to start at the bottom and work up. She gives him a maybe for Tuesdays.

It’s Ariana’s brother Jeremy’s birthday. Schwartz says it’s second party Katie wasn’t invited to that he’s attended in less than twelve hours. Ariana says Schwartz is schwasted. He never stopped drinking since he started at Scheana’s party, and at a certain point, it’s not cute. Tom gives Jeremy their house keys. In his interview, he says last time Jeremy interrupted their sex life, but they’re going through a dry spell now, and he might as well join the priesthood. James can’t believe Faith didn’t come.

Brit goes home, and talks to the dogs, but not Jax. He tries to talk to her, and she tells him to go away, then asks if he had her in their bed. He says no one has been there, and she calls him a liar. He can keep denying all he wants; he just looks like an idiot. She says to tell her the truth, and he says it is true. She tells him to rot in hell, and I’m totally on board with that. She talks about another time in their relationship when she went through months of denial. She asks why do that, and he says it was a bad time. Brittany says that when you love someone, you don’t do that. She didn’t do that to him, and would never do that to him. In her interview, he says they’ve been fighting for a long time, and we flash back to him being an a-hole in Kentucky. She hopes it was worth it. Wow. This is making me sad. Even though I can’t stand him, I feel badly for her. Brittany cries, as she holds one of the dogs. Seriously. She’s breaking my heart.

Pride Day is tomorrow, and Tom thinks it’s important that they go. He wants to surprise Lisa. He wants to do whatever it takes to keep the partnership alive. He says Jax has had a rough 24-hours. Oh, poor baby. Schwartz mumbles about Stockholm Syndrome. Ariana says Brittany deserves the world, or at least her boyfriend not screwing her friends. James tells them about Faith not getting her period. Tom wonders when Jax will stop pulling this sh*t.

Schwartz talks to Jax on the phone. Tom hunts him down. He tells Schwartz that he’s mad at Jax, and Schwartz starts crying, saying he’s been struggling. Tom says talk to him. Schwartz says, first of all, he’s drunk – ha-ha! Yeah, drunk and weepy. It’s the first time in his life he has no drive. Tom says Schwartz is his friend, and he’d never let anything happen to him. In his interview, Schwartz says he has all these new pressures, like being a husband. He tells Tom that he’s always anticipating a bad future. Tom says they’ll open up the bar,and it will be amazing. Schwartz is an awesome person, and it’s a privilege to know him. Schwartz says it goes both ways, and I lmao because they are both so drunk, and in that teary, sappy phase. In his interview, Schwartz hopes Lisa forgives Tom. Schwartz needs structure and stability to move on to the next chapter.

Brittany calls her mother, and says she needs her. She tells her mom about Jax, and that she’s going to Vegas. She slams the picture of them from her nightstand onto the floor. She says she should have known better, and just needed to tell her. Brittany’s mom says she loves her, and tells her to call back later. Brittany leaves for Vegas. In her interview, Brittany says she seriously thought she was going to marry Jax. She wanted it bad, and the thought of him cheating makes her want to cry. She tells us that you don’t treat someone like this if you love them, and he obviously doesn’t. Jax watches as she gets in a car. What an a-hole this guy is. I hope he dies alone.

It’s the Long Beach Gay Pride parade, and no surprise, Lisa is Grand Marshal. I don’t even think there can be a parade without LVP. Ken does the driving, and Lisa says she feels a lot of love. Everyone is being themselves, and that should be what life is about. Simply, and well put, and I agree. She sees Tom and Ariana, and asks where Schwartz is. He’s in the bathroom. Lisa makes a speech, but we don’t get to hear it. Ken asks about Jax, and Tom says he’s a mess. When he saw him last, he was in the fetal position on the couch. Tom says he loves Brittany, and Lisa says don’t defend him; he’ll look ridiculous. Tom says at least Jax admitted it. In her interview, Lisa says she’s not enamored of Jax’s eff-ups, and hopes Brittany dumps him. We visit the leather tent. In his interview, Tom says he really doesn’t understand BDS&M, but since they’re going through a dry spell, maybe there’s something to it. He asks Ariana if she thinks it might solve some of their issues, and she discusses exploring it with some dude who I guess is an expert. In her interview, Ariana tells us about some of the problems she and Tom are having, including him wanting to go to karaoke six nights a week, which I find nothing wrong with.

Ariana says when she lived in NYC, Pride Day always fell on her birthday. Lisa asks about Brittany, and Ariana tells her that Brittany is in Vegas. She’s disgusted, and wants to move on. Tom babbles about Jax loving her, and how he can’t help himself. Lisa says Jax has a different definition of love. Don’t tell her, show her. Yep. Take note, mostly men. Tom apologizes about criticizing her part in the restaurant. He says he just wants to get the bullsh*t out of the way. Lisa says show her. In her interview, she says she doesn’t need their expertise or their money. She doesn’t need anything from them, but the feel good factor.

Kristen visits Stassi, and asks if she’s excited for tonight. Stassi says when she started feeling romantic again, she felt like people would judge her for going back to Patrick. Kristen thinks she and Patrick get each other, and wants to start planning the wedding; she loves them together. Patrick comes in. He’s wearing a man bun, which immediately makes me cringe, since Josh from Sweet Home Oklahoma is the only man I’ll accept wearing one. Stassi says she missed their joking and laughing – and his man bun. She says he’s like a warrior; like someone from out of Game of Thrones. Double no, just no.

Brittany goes to work. Ariana says she looks tan and gorgeous. Brittany says Vegas was awesome. Ariana asks how she’s been, but she doesn’t know. She has different feelings. Sometimes she’s sad, sometimes she’s mad, and she’s heartbroken. She said she was going to act single, but everybody grossed her out. Scheana says it’s been six months, and she’s not ready yet, but acts like she is. Brittany says she just wants to be alone, and clear her mind. Everyone is supportive.

In the limo, Patrick says he’s trying to keep everyone happy, and Stassi says she’s trying to keep him happy. He tells her the outfit is helping. She’s wearing a slinky, strapless, low-cut black jumpsuit that looks fantastic on her. They go to a restaurant, and when they order, I almost find it cute that they say the same thing at the same time. Almost. Stassi tells Patrick about talking to Lisa regarding event planning. He asks if she has ideas, and she says she’s watched a million YouTube videos. She says listening to his podcast makes her insecure about hers. She wants him to hear hers, and tell her what she’s doing wrong. He says somehow hers got turned into a juggernaut, then has to explain that word, along with a couple of others he uses. In her interview, Stassi says she’s never been in a dating situation where she wasn’t the smart one.

Patrick tells her that she’s a really good person, batsh*t crazy, and uber talented. He’s taking a trip to Amsterdam, and says it will be a good experience for him. Getting back together taught them a lesson: don’t talk when you’re apart, and when you’re back together, don’t talk about what happened when you were apart. In her interview, Stassi says she wants it to work, but she’s terrified it’s not going to because she wants it so badly. She thinks getting back together is more of an emotional commitment than first time they got together. Patrick says she’s freaking him out. In her interview, Stassi says she’s willing to fight for the relationship.

Jax arrives at SUR for his shift, and asks Tom how Pride was. Tom says he got handcuffed and whipped. He kind of likes it, so Ariana got one. Brittany comes to the bar, and asks Tom for a cocktail, sort of ignoring Jax. Saying nothing, but shooting daggers with her eyes. Jax wants to talk, but not at work. Tom says it’s not a good idea.

Brittany steps away, and Lisa asks how she is. Brittany says it’s a weird situation. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. Lisa tells her that she’s young; sh*t happens

Tom tells Jax it’s not easy all the time. Jax wants to work on it, but says he needs therapy. Tom suggests he make up an overnight bag, get his sh*t together, and get out of the apartment.

Lisa tells Brittany that she has a lot of support. Jax is the only a-hole in the situation. She hopes Brittany has the strength to make the right choices. She tells Brittany that she’ll be fine. The girls rally around her.  hopes trangth to make right chocies tells her she’ll be fine the girls rally around her

Jax says there’s no one better to tell him how to run a relationship. Tom says he put himself in the situation, and now everyone is pissed at him, including him. Brittany’s emotions are like a roller coaster, and she needs time to think. Tom tells him to give her some space. Jax doesn’t think she really wants to leave him, but Tom begs to differ.

Brittany tells the girls that she did something stupid in a moment of weakness. They had sex. I go, arrrgh! out loud. Brittany says she wanted affection. In her interview, she wishes she could stop loving him; it would be easier for her, but she can’t, and she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

Next time, Schwartz apologizes to Lisa and Ken, Stassi throws a party with a Jax piñata, and Lala is back.

😱 A horrifying postscript – Brittany and Jax are back together. He was a guest on Watch What Happens Live tonight. He said he’s “a work in progress.” I’m surprised he didn’t get rotten tomatoes thrown at him.

😊 On the other hand. RelationShep is very sweet. I think Shep is good-hearted, and maybe realizes he doesn’t want to grow old alone. It’s fun watching him travel around too. I especially loved seeing Austin, a place I’d love to visit. In the next phase, several of the girls he’s had dates with will come to Charleston, where they’ll live in the same house, much like The Bachelor. It looks like there will be some drama, but I think Shep deserves to find what he’s looking for. He also gave a couple of good quotes…

I like very pretty brunettes. I guess everybody does. That was a stupid comment.Shep Rose, RelationShep

That’s when the cows come home to roost.Shep Rose, RelationShep

GetThroughWeekPup

GetThroughWeekPup2

December 4, 2017 – The Two Jason Aftermath, Vanderpump Rules Again, Shep Looks for a Mate & Don’t

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

Elizabeth tells Franco that something huge has affected all their lives. She doesn’t know how they’ll come back from that.

Josslyn pulls a DNA test out of her bag. Oscar says it will be the longest 48-hours of his life, but she tells him that she’s paying to have it expedited, so it will only be 24-hours. Michael comes by and asks what they’re up to.

Andrew asks Sam where they go from here? She says home, and looks at him like he’s stupid. He says home suddenly seems as unreal as he is.

On the docks, Jason sighs, an art he is perfecting. Alexis approaches him. She was wondering when she’d run into him. He tells her that they’ve finally found proof that he’s the Jason he says he is.

Sam tells Andrew it’s real. Her and him in this room is real. Her arms wrapped around him are real, and her eyes looking into his. It’s because of who he is, not his name. He’s the man she married and loves. They have a family and home. She wants him to tell her he knows it’s real, and he says it’s as real as it gets.

Oscar tells Michael he’s keeping Josslyn company while she does her homework, and Josslyn explains that Carly wanted her where people could keep eye on her. Michael says he just talked to her, and Josslyn asks if she’ll be released soon. He says she’s at the station getting answers about Jason. Oscar wonders if they know who is who yet.

Elizabeth tells Franco she’s proud of him, not just because he dropped the charges, but he helped unravel the mystery of the two Jasons. If he hadn’t told them about there being twins, who knows how long it would have dragged out. He says he told them kicking and screaming, but she says he did it, and that’s what matters. It’s all out in the open. He tells her he can’t say no to her, and she says they can all get on with their lives now. Robin joins them, and asks if there’s proof now. Elizabeth says that they found out Andrew was a Navy SEAL, and had prints on file. Robin says it’s crazy; Jason lost five whole years. Franco says that he’ll live to terrorize another day, and wanders off. Robin asks Elizabeth if they know why, and she says they don’t know the details, but have Andre to thank. He created a memory mapping program with the WSB, but there were ethical concerns, and it never got off the ground. He found another backer, and Elizabeth explains that Andre came to Port Charles to keep an eye on Andrew. Robin says it’s a lot to figure out, and Elizabeth says there will definitely be some serious conversations in the future.  Franco breezes through with a sarcastic remark, and Elizabeth says Robin probably intimidates him; he gets snarky when he’s uncomfortable. She says it goes back to his childhood, and has been an emotional roller coaster. Robin reminds Elizabeth about what happened when she came back, and Patrick was getting married. She says none of it was her fault, and none of this is Jason’s fault.

Sam says, talk to me, Jason, then apologizes. He says it’s okay, it’s only a name, just not his name. He opens his wallet, and takes out his ID, saying he never liked the picture anyway, and throws it on the table. He starts flinging things out of his wallet. Sam tells him to stop pretending it’s not hard. He says he never pretended or lied; it’s very hard.

Jason tells Alexis he needed to think, and asks why she’s there. She says she has no fond memories of the place, and is a glutton for punishment. She asks if Sam knows, and when he says she does, Alexis asks where she is. He tells her that Sam is with his brother. Alexis says she’d be lying if she told him that she wasn’t relieved to hear that.

Michael tells Josslyn that a fingerprint match sealed it. She asks how Sam is, and he says, adjusting. It’s going to be an adjustment period for all of them. Michael admits she’s happy, but still feels bad. Andrew didn’t have the life he thought he had, but at least he can figure it out now. Nelle comes by and asks to borrow Michael.

Nelle tells Michael not to look so happy to see her. He tells her he thought they’d said everything they needed to say. She says that something came up. She ordered a Christmas present before they broke up, and it arrived. He tells her to just return it, but she says it’s for Josslyn.

Robin knows Jason won’t push to see Jake; it’s on Elizabeth. She knows it would be easier to let it lie, but tells her don’t do that. Jake will be lucky to have Jason in his life, no matter the capacity. Elizabeth says Jason hates Franco, and Robin says she can’t argue with that; he’s entitled to. Elizabeth tells her that Jake loves Franco, and so does she. She’s stuck. She can’t explain Franco to Jason, or Jason to Franco. Robin says she had to explain to Patrick why there was a mobster in her life that she trusted and relied on. She understands what it means to Elizabeth, but not why. Jason would never do anything to hurt Jake, physically or emotionally, and would stay away if he thought it was the right thing to do.

Franco goes to Andre’s cell, and asks if he shouldn’t be the one lying down. Andre asks why he’s there, and Franco says he needs a session in the worst way.

Alexis says he didn’t see Sam after he disappeared. She completely shut down until she tried to save him. She put on a wet suit, dove into the water, and looked, but couldn’t find him. He hates that she went through that. Alexis knows, and has done everything to spare her. She tells him to consider this a second chance. Sam survived. She did better, and persevered, putting the darkness and danger behind her. She has a new life; does he understand? A loving, well-adjusted life with her husband and children. She asks him not to make her give that up.

Andrew asks what they should tell Danny. He’s going to be scared of Jason; he’s a stranger. Sam says they’ll figure it out. Andrew asks if she wants him to be there, and she says of course. They’re in this together. He’s her heart, and she loves him.

She tells Michael not to tell Josslyn it’s from her; Carly will freak. Just put it under the tree, and say it’s from Santa. Michael says she’s a big girl, and Nelle is her friend; she should know.

Josslyn tells Oscar that he doesn’t have to do this, but he says, let’s go for it, and does the swab. She knows the chances are minuscule, but if it turns out Andrew is his father, who is he bringing the results to; his mom or his dad?

Elizabeth tells Robin that Jason would never hurt Jake; just the opposite. Robin asks what about Franco, and Elizabeth says he’s living with her. She gets he’s not Robin’s favorite person, and Robin asks if he’s anybody’s, which I think is highly insensitive of Robin, and Elizabeth says, um… hers? She says it seems crazy, but not to her. He makes her laugh, he’s amazing with the boys, and when she’s with him, she feels safe and secure. She’s more herself than she’s been in years; she’s even thinking about art again. He challenges her, and wants more for her because he thinks she deserves it. Robin says she does. Elizabeth says it’s beautiful, uncomplicated, and honest, and he’s her partner in every sense of the word. They’ve created a home together, and she can’t imagine life without him.

Franco tells Andre that he got the painting, but Andre says that’s not all he left. He was hoping Franco did right thing, and Franco says, like he did a couple of weeks ago? He left everyone hanging for years. Andre says look what it got him. Franco asks why not take him down, and Andre says Franco is still his patient. He abused the relationship, but still respects it, and him and Elizabeth. Franco says Elizabeth is super pissed at him. Andre says she has the right to be. He betrayed her trust, and it wasn’t Franco’s mess to clean up. He apologizes for involving Franco, but Franco says he kind of involved himself. Andre says he won’t tell anyone, but Franco asks what’s up with his tone. Andre tells Franco the truth shall set you free. Franco says it landed Andre behind bars. Andre says for the first time he can breathe. No more lies, no more secrets. He asks if it wouldn’t feel good to say the same.

Andrew tells Sam that he sees it every day, especially how she stood by him in the last few weeks. She tells him she wouldn’t say I love you if she didn’t. He says that if she wants to go back, he won’t stand in the way. Sam says that she loved Jason, but that was five years ago. A lot has changed, and she loves him. That’s not going to change.

Alexis tells Jason that she’s not saying it lightly. She knows what he and Sam meant to each other. Sam was devastated when she lost him, but he put her life in danger. She knows he doesn’t mean to hurt her, but did nonetheless. Sam was okay in her life with him, but she’s moved beyond that, and as mom, Alexis is relieved. Sam knows she’s loved, secure, and safe. She understands that Sam thought Andrew was him, but it’s no less real. Jason says he understands. Alexis will never understand why he chooses to do what he does, but knows he loves her daughter. She tells him don’t call, don’t show up, don’t offer to help, don’t ask anything, just don’t. Let Sam go.

Oscar says he’s been so focused on this part, he doesn’t know what comes next. Josslyn says he doesn’t have to. By this time tomorrow, they’ll have an answer. Michael comes back, and says Nelle has something for her, an early Christmas present. Oscar leaves, and Nelle says she hopes she didn’t interrupt. Josslyn says she can always interrupt for a present, but feels badly because she didn’t get anything for Nelle. Nelle says her friendship is all she needs. It’s a personally autographed photo of Shawn Mendes. Josslyn freaks out, and Nelle says she called in a favor. Josslyn hugs Nelle, and thanks her.

Robin tells Elizabeth if Franco makes her happy, it’s good enough for her, and wishes them the best. Now, she has to get back to her husband, kids, work, and life. She say, damn life; always getting in the way. They make small talk, and Elizabeth says life is fabulous, and she thinks it’s about to get even better.

Franco asks if doctor/patient confidentiality still applies. He’s still threatened by Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. Elizabeth has been in love with both of them, and now they’re rearing their ugly muscled heads. Andre asks if they’re the problem, or is Franco sabotaging his own happiness. Andre believes Franco thinks he doesn’t deserved to be loved, and Franco says maybe he doesn’t. Maybe Jason was right to try and kill him, and maybe Drew would be right too, after he pushed him down the stairs. Andre says he was a child. Franco says two brothers from the same mother want him dead. Andre thinks he’s using it as an excuse to not be honest with Elizabeth. The more he holds it in, the more it eats away at him, and erodes the relationship. Franco asks what if she doesn’t understand or believe him? Andre says if she stops loving him, it’s going to happen anyway if it continues down this path. He tells Franco to learn from his mistake. Tell her the truth and give her a chance to decide. He might be pleasantly surprised. The guard says, time’s up, which is actually funny, since that’s what a shrink always says at the end of a session. They wish each other good luck.

Alexis tells Jason that Sam and Andrew had a child together. Jason says, so do they. Alexis says she’s happy, and that state of being doesn’t come easily to Sam. She says Andrew is a good man, and walked away from Sonny for his family; don’t pull her back into that dark cloud. Jason says he never told her what to do, and he’s not starting now. Alexis hopes Sam is a mature enough mother to know he’s not an option for her. She walks away, and Jason heaves another sigh.

Sam tells Andrew the last five years led her to him, the man she loves. She didn’t fall in love because of his name, but because he’s him, and she couldn’t imagine life without him. Their life is real. Nothing is going to change that. Andrew says it would kill him if he lost her, but she says he didn’t; she’s standing right here. He tells her that he needs to figure out who Andrew Kane is, and she says they’ll do it together. He says it’s a lot. He’ll need to think. He leaves, and she looks at the picture of him in uniform with his old face.

Alexis sees Sam, and tells her she just ran into Jason – the legal one. Sam asks what he said, and she says not much; typical Jason fashion. She knows it’s hard to process, and Sam says it’s a little overwhelming. Alexis knows how much she loves him, and what a huge person he was in her life, but he’s not going to change. They know that’s who he is, and it might work for him, but doesn’t work for her. Alexis tells her to think of her children. Sam asks if Alexis thought about hers when she hooked up with Julian. Valid point. Alexis says if she goes back, she does so knowing what he does and what he’ll do to her children. Sam says she can’t breathe and has to go. She jets.

At the hospital, Franco tells himself, just tell truth. It’s not the end of the world, just his world. He sees Elizabeth, who thought he went home. He says he did, but came back because he needs to tell her something important that possibly might change things. She says she has something too, and tells him, let’s get married.

Andrew is on the bridge. Oscar shows up, and he says, we meet again. Oscar says, sorry, but Andrew says don’t apologize; it’s a good place to think. He asks if Oscar’s mom knows where he is, but then remembers she tracks him on the phone. Oscar says no anymore; he ditched the GPS. Andrew says he understands being impulsive. They place their hands exactly the same way on the railing.

Sam goes to the docks (oh, come on), and sees Jason. They gaze at each other.

Franco is surprised Elizabeth wants to marry him. She says more than anything. He asks, why now, and she says because she’s madly in love with him. She can’t imagine her world without him in it. He says those are good reasons, and he has the same ones. She asks if it’s a yes, and he says a gazillion yeses/ They kiss. She asks what he wanted to tell her, but he says it’s not important. He loves her, and she makes him happy. They kiss again, and he holds her.

Josslyn tells Nelle it’s the best gift ever, and Nelle tells her they’ll have lunch at Kelly’s soon. Michael is taking a call in the hallway, saying to call him back when they have the numbers. Nelle says a CEO’s work is never done, and thanks him for encouraging her to give Josslyn the gift; she had fun watching her open it. Michael says it was a home run, and Nelle says it was nice to put a smile on her face. She leaves, and when she gets to the elevator, takes a Sharpie out of her bag, and clicks it shut. Ooh, I guess she autographed the photo. Slick Nelle.

Josslyn puts the test in the envelope, and says, here goes nothing.

Oscar says he should leave Andrew alone, but Andrew says he doesn’t have to go; there’s plenty of room. They stand exactly the same way, with their arms folded, and I have to laugh. It’s kind of cute actually.

Jason and Sam approach each other. He says, it’s gonna be okay. Whatever happens, it’s all gonna work out. A tear rolls down her cheek. She thanks him, and he walks away. She wipes the tears off her face.

Tomorrow, Olivia wishes Monica could see her as a member of the family, Maxie surprises Amy, and Ned suggests buying out Jason and Drew.

Vanderpump Rules

It’s Scheana’s birthday costume party. Someone says they had sex with Jax. We see everyone’s reactions, and the interviewer asks if he cheated on Brittany.

Things are jumping at SUR. Lisa steals a French fry. Oh, wait. It’s probably pommes frites there. She says the restaurant has really matured in ten years. In his interview, Jax says he and Brittany are doing better since Kentucky. We flash back to the miserable time they had there. He says she stayed for a while, but since then, things have been great. She’s getting off the couch now, and into the gym. Because, God knows, that was the main issue with their relationship. Sighing like Jason on GH.

Scheana says she’s in a good place, and in a new relationship. His name is Rob, and they dated off and on, then she took a six-year break with Shay. We flash back to her telling Shay that she wants a divorce. She says if it was anyone else, she wouldn’t have started dating so quickly. She’s still waiting on the final divorce certificate.

Lisa tells Tom they’re waiting for the paperwork on the bar that she and the Toms are opening. She tells him he has to commit to it. In his interview, he says they want him and Schwartz to invest $100K. He can manage to scrape it together, but they’re not officially partners until he writes her a check.

Scheana tells Ariana to avoid Katie, who’s been rage texting. She took something as an insult that wasn’t meant that way, and they haven’t talked since. Since Katie and Stassi haven’t been in her life, Scheana feels like a weight has lifted. She tells Katie she’s not invited to her birthday party because she doesn’t want drama. This is one of the rudest things I’ve ever seen anyone do, and I’ve seen a lot of rude things. Not inviting someone is fine – it’s your party – but making a point of telling them they’re not invited? No, just no. Katie says one minute she’s a best friend, and the next Scheana hates her. She was a bridesmaid at Katie’s wedding, and made a decision somewhere along the line that they weren’t friends. Scheana tells Katie that her friends don’t speak to her the way Katie does, and Katie says her friends don’t speak about her the way Scheana does. Scheana thinks she’ll need to have the same conversation with Stassi, and Katie says count her out.

Sitting in one of the booths at SUR, Tom tells Ariana that he’s nervous. He thinks Ken and Lisa will just be doing their thing, and put the Toms’ names on it. Ariana says he’s done research. In his interview, Tom tells us about his research trip with Schwartz and Jax, where they looked into a way to incorporate weed into the venue, but found out you can’t legally incorporate it into drinks. He’s afraid that he’s going to get pushed around and told what to do. Tom suddenly realizes that Ken and Lisa are about two tables away. Giggy! In his interview, Tom says he’s positive they’ve heard every word he said. He cuts what he’s saying short. Lisa wonders what’s wrong with him, since they haven’t even started yet. What my father called crying before you’re hurt.

Katie visits Stassi, who recently moved into a new apartment in the same building. It doesn’t have central air-conditioning, and Stassi is tearing open a box with a window unit. She suggests blending some margaritas, since fruit is healthy. Katie tells Stassi about Scheana informing her that she’s not invited to her party. She says it’s fine if Scheana doesn’t want to be friends. Stassi suggests texting her and asking if she’s invited. Ha-ha! I love Stassi’s sense of humor. In her interview, Stassi says Scheana seems to be going out of her way to be an a-hole. She tells Katie that she and Patrick are doing well, and it seems like it’s changed now. Katie hopes so; she doesn’t want to see Stassi go through the pain again. Stassi says it seems like there was a shift. Katie tells us that married life is amazing, and better than dating life. They can plan for the future in a real way, and to the ultimate, final destination they’re both headed for – death.

James and Logan have a drink. Logan is James’s new best mate who he met at PUMP. He tells Logan he’s been kicked out of PUMP six times. He tells Logan that Raquel is coming back for the entire summer, and he’s refurbished accordingly, like getting a new rug that doesn’t have vomit and wine stains on it. Raquel arrives, and James tells Logan to get lost. See you in September, Logan.

Tom and Schwartz go to the TomTom site. Tom wants it to have heart and hand-crafted cocktails. And sexy TVs. Whatever that means. Schwartz thinks Tom’s attention to detail is great, but he becomes hyper-focused on unimportant things. Tom is worried that Ken and Lisa will be doing everything. He tells Schwartz about them overhearing his conversation with Ariana. Schwartz asks if it’s an issue, or should they pretend it didn’t happen. Tom says wait to see if they bring it up.

Ken and Lisa arrive. They talk about the kitchen. Lisa says a lot of work has gone on behind the scenes. It’s going to be romantic industrial, not pretty, but with pretty elements. Tom asks if it’s going to be comfortable, and Ken says yes, explaining the floor plan. Tom is skeptical, and in her interview, Lisa says what were they thinking, doing thirty-three restaurants without Tom’s input? In Tom’s interview, he says he’s investing $100K, so they’ll have to deal with his questions. Both logical comments. Schwartz says they have the experience and are putting in the majority of the of the capital. Lisa says, all of the capital, and tells him that she and Ken had decided to have a quiet drink, and heard Tom saying a lot of negative things. Tom says she purposely hid. He was venting on the assumption that they were alone. Well, of course Lisa can do no wrong, but it sure looked like they’d been there a while, and I think Tom and Ariana sat down without noticing them, so way it goes. Lisa says they’re giving him a leg up because she’s invested in him. She’s giving him an opportunity to shine with his artisan cocktails, and hears negative comments straightaway. Schwartz is concerned that Tom is screwing it up before it starts. Lisa says she’s going to PUMP and rethinking it.

Brittany does a facial mask on Jax. He tells us that they upgraded their housing; it made sense. Brittany thinks they’re going to have fun tonight. They haven’t been out in a while, and they need this. She says dating Jax is confusing, because he has multiple personalities, and it’s hard to know who he really is. She tells him no more mess-ups, and asks if he loves her. He says he does.

Tom sets up a credenza. He tells us that he and Ariana have been together three years. It’s time to take the next step, and buy a credenza together. He tells her about Lisa bringing up the other night, and not being happy. Ariana thinks she shouldn’t be eavesdropping. He had valid concerns. He says she wasn’t sure about moving forward with the bar, and is worried he’s jeopardized it for Schwartz as well. He wonders if he’ll have to be bartender for the rest of his life.

Schwartz tells Katie what ties his outfit together is the mask. He’s wearing a suit with a Jason from Friday the 13th mask. In his interview, he says since they tied the knot, it’s getting better, but he doesn’t want to push it by telling her about Tom jeopardizing their venture. He puts on another mask to show Stassi. She asks if there are any more options, and puts on Jason mask. Ariana asks if he’s excited, and tells him that Scheana has been talking sh*t a lot. Why is he going??? In her interview, Stassi says he has a wife, and should put her first. Exactly. There’s no way in hell my husband would be going to a party I was told I wasn’t invited to. Schwartz says they have enough friends. If they lose one or two, eh.

Jax goes on a beer run. To Schwartz’s apartment. He asks if he can grab a beer, and Schwartz says he never texts; he just comes to the door. Stassi tells them that she’s seeing Patrick again. Schwartz says he got suspicious when she was out of town, and he saw Patrick in her car. Jax asks what Katie and Stassi are doing, and they say getting wasted. Schwartz suggests they put a hex on Scheana, that every time someone takes a picture with her, it’s on her bad side. Stassi tells us that she always photographs at the same angle, and will refuse to take a photo if it isn’t that way. Jax finally leaves after examining every edible thing in their kitchen.

Rob comes to pick up Scheana. In her interview, she says she cleared the apartment of everything Shay. She’s turned his mess of a room into her new bedroom, and the master bedroom into huge walk-in closet. Omg, I did a similar thing in my house. Hers is nicer than mine though, with more expensive clothing. She tells Rob that she pretty much invited whole crew, minus Stassi and Katie; Lala is out of town. Scheana tells him to be prepared for Lisa to grill him. In her interview, she says Rob was the last person she slept with before Shay, and the first person she slept with after Shay. She tells us that everything is bigger and better.

Everyone gets ready. I love Scheana’s mask! It’s a Victorian lace thing. Something like Lady Gaga would wear. Ariana tells Tom that he looks like General George Washington’s gay friend. Ariana tells us that they love costume parties. Tom tells her a buddy ran into Faith at the OK! Magazine party, and she said she’d been sleeping with Jax. Ariana says if it’s true, she’ll kill him. We flash back to Faith, who was a server at SUR, but not an integral part of any story. Not even Housewife “friend” caliber. Ariana tells Tom to talk to Jax, or she’s talking to Brittany. He thinks it’s farfetched, and maybe just a rumor.

The venue is a restaurant called The Guild, and the password is 420. It’s pretty crowded. Kristen and Faith are both there. James feels safe around Jax now, and in his interview, Jax says his opinion has changed. He used to want to bash James’s face in, but now kind of wants to take him under his wing, like a lost puppy. Scheana arrives, totally glam. Jax says Kristen must be excited, since usually crashes a party. In her interview, Kristen thinks Scheana should pump the breaks a little. She’s not looking for boyfriend, but a husband. Tom tells Jax about the candid conversation with Ariana, and how Lisa told him that she needs to think about it now.

Lisa comes in wearing a feathered headdress mask. Scheana introduces her to Rob, and she says he’d better be worthy. She tells Scheana not to minimize marriage. In her interview, she says that Scheana’s feelings aren’t a reliable source. At Katie’s wedding, she said she had butterflies for Shay, and she needs to slow down. Rob promises his phone is off. Jax talks about having kids, and how most of the world thinks he shouldn’t reproduce. I would be in that group. In her interview, Brittany says he knows marriage and kids are in her plan, and he told her family he wants to marry her. We flash back to that. She says they’re going in the right direction.

Stassi says it’s late night done right. She, Katie, and Schwartz are out for a pre-party drink. Stassi went to Bora Bora with them on their honeymoon. In her interview, she says there’s not much to do there, and she made it fun. She’d invite her too. She says she wouldn’t make it a thing not to invite someone to a party, and doesn’t know what went wrong. She feels good about it. She put in the effort, but now she’s free of it. She’s learned her lesson with Scheana. We flash back to their tumultuous relationship. She says time has proven they’re not meant to be friends.

Tom pulls Jax aside. Elsewhere in the room, James asks Faith if she’s okay. Tom tells Jax there’s a rumor about him and Faith. Faith tells James that says Jax told her he’d wanted her for a long time, and it happened so fast. Tom says he heard a rumor that Jax had sex with Faith, but he says he’s past that kind of behavior. Faith tells James she hasn’t had her period. In his interview, James is sure if Faith is pregnant, she’ll keep the baby, and says his head would explode just thinking about a mini Jax running around. Adam tells Brittany there’s a rumor that Jax slept with Faith.

Schwartz tells Brittany if it was true, he would cover, but he hasn’t heard anything about it. Brittany says that she basically can’t believe anybody. In his interview, Schwartz says Jax seems to love her. He doesn’t have his usual side chicks and low-key Tinder accounts. Jax tells Faith to let them know it’s not true. Shades of what he did to Lala. Faith asks if he’s serious. Tom says she went to Adam. She says she knows what she did. Brittany says she’ll go insane, and asks if someone can’t be honest. Adam says he doesn’t want to believe it, but he does. Brittany asks where Jax is. Scheana tells Lisa. In her interview, Brittany says Jax has done a lot of effed-up things, but if this is true, she’ll drop kick both their asses and they’re dead to her. She tells everyone she changed her life for him, and  if he cheated, she’s done.

Brittany approaches Jax. He says he didn’t do it; he’s getting into trouble for nothing, and being set up. He asks why he would hook up with someone in their circle, and we flash back to Kristen. Tom tells Scheana about it. In her interview, Kristen wants to bash his privates in with sledgehammer. She calls him a bunch of names, and tells him to go eff himself. Lisa asks if Brittany is okay, and she says no; it’s not fair. Kristen goes outside, and confronts Faith.

Jax tells Brittany that he didn’t do it. She says if she finds out it’s true, she’s moving out and taking the dogs with her, and he can rot in effing hell.

This season, flipping out, shot skis, twerking, drinking, nakedness, voguing, Stassi’s birthday, Pride Day (there can’t be one without Lisa), Mexico, Harrison! Giggy! Lisa says there are a lot of skanks in this town, Stassi says where there’s smoke there’s fire, Stassi and Patrick break up again, Lisa wants 100% commitment from the Toms, Lala is back, and Lisa asks for Jax’s resignation. Whew!

👱 I checked out RelationShep, and it’s light, but worthy. Cameron thinks it’s time for Shep to grow up. Me too, but I don’t have much hope for that. Shep says he’s unbearably wonderful, and Cameron believes he has the potential to be a catch, but has some things to work on. Shep doesn’t want to wake up 45 and single, so his friends across the country are going to be his matchmakers. It works kind of like The Bachelor, where he goes on dates with them, and then the final picks will go to his hometown to see if they gel. I like Shep, but my jury is out on whether he’s really ready to settle down or not.

😱 Alexis giving Jason a list of what not to do on GH, reminded me of the fake trailer for a fake movie called Don’t in the full version of Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse. Be forewarned, it’s gory. Funny, but gory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czR4qJbkSuc

Don'tGrindhouse

April 25, 2017 – Nina Gets a Horse, Alex Lies About Lushion & a Beverly Hills Farewell

Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Michael plays pool by himself. Lulu and Dante walk in, and Michael tells them about Jax being released. He says Nelle did something good for Jax, but it doesn’t absolve her. Lulu says as bad as it was, it takes two, and Michael asks if Nelle didn’t tell them. Lulu says she can tell them herself right now, since she just walked in.

Valentin is looking for his watch. It’s in Nina’s hand. Listening in, Anna tells her to mind her own business, raising my blood pressure by 100 points, since she should be minding her own business and Nina is married to Valentin, so it is her business.

Tracy tells Ned that the only option is for Samira to leave. Or wait for immigration to come with a warrant. Samira says she’s not leaving without the painting. It’s the only way to save her daughter.

Finn runs into Hayden. He asks if they can make it not awkward. Griff comes along, and says Finn’s test came back positive. Because Brad had his grubby little hands on it. He doesn’t say that last part, but we know it.

Nina wonders why Valentin needed another watch. He says he used to do questionable things for money, and now he has money to buy questionable things. He says he indulged himself, but he’d rather indulge her. He’s bought her a horse. They go to the stables, and the watch gets left on the table. Poor Anna. She can’t listen in. I’m just devastated.

Griff tells Finn it’s not specific, but it’s some form of opiate. Finn says that’s impossible, but Griff says they ran it twice. Finn wonders if there’s still a trace of Zen-Zen in his system. He says the test needs to be repeated, but he thinks it’s a mistake. Griff says next time it had better show a decrease, and under no circumstances is he to treat patients. When Griff leaves, Hayden asks if Finn has been using.

Tracy says she’s just trying to help. Samira says she can’t leave without the painting. Laura says it’s more than a reminder of Tracy’s father, and has the power to save a life. What if she was in Samira’s shoes? She didn’t even know it existed a few months ago, and the real connection is the letter. Tracy wonders how she’d get it out of the country – it’s bound to bring attention to the expired visa. Samira says Tracy isn’t going to change her mind, and leaves the room. Ned thinks it requires further investigation. Laura wonders if Samira turns out to be Tracy’s sister, if she’ll change her mind, or does she want her out of sight before that happens?

Finn tells Hayden that he knows he’s an addict. If he uses again, he’ll lose everything. He wants to get out of the hole he’s dug for himself, and get everyone’s respect back. Hayden asks why he’s sweating, and he tells her that he did a workout on his lunch break. He says a way to cope with addiction is to distract oneself, and she can talk to Felix, who was there with him. She asks why the test came back positive, but Finn doesn’t know. Hayden asks him to promise he’s playing by the rules, and he says not exactly.

Michael approaches Nelle, and asks her to talk to Dante. At the table, Lulu says Nelle is crazy about Michael. She says unfortunately, she likes Nelle, and thinks Michael was into her before the thing happened with Sonny. Dante says they’re not in the loop, and don’t know what happened. Lulu suggests he take his detective hat off and they enjoy the evening.

Nina loves her horse; she’d always wanted one of her own. She says that Lumière is the perfect name. Valentin tells her that its a horse of a different rare color. Nina says that Lumière defies light and glows, and Valentin says that she does too. They start to kiss, and pervert Anna has no shame. Her doorbell rings. It’s Griff.

Griff asks why Anna hasn’t returned his calls or texts. She didn’t show up for a phlebotomy, and she has no idea how dangerous that is. He wants her to go right now, but she tells him to wait. She says she’s fine, and Griff says she’s not super human. He explains how it can cause a blood clot. He threatens to call Robin. She says she doesn’t want them to intervene; she’s already had her treatment. She decided to go to a private facility. GH is too public, with everyone being so concerned. It’s lovely in theory, but she doesn’t want the fuss. He says left to her own devices, she could skip a treatment. She asks him to respect her wishes and privacy. He tells her that blood cancer is nothing to be remiss about, and he’s also worried about her and Valentin. She says that Valentin’s accusations were right; she was very cruel to him. Griff says it doesn’t sound like her, and she says they all have their pasts. He asks what’s next between them.

Nina says she wants to go riding, but Valentin wants to change her mind.

Lulu and Dante sit at a table. Lulu says that they’re celebrating how well her first visit with Charlotte went, and asks Dante to put police business aside. Nelle tells Michael he could have her arrested. Lulu interrupts, and asks how Nelle’s new job is going. Nelle says that Charlotte loved the Easter egg hunt and seeing the bunny. Lulu is glad they had a chance to bond.

Dante talks to the bartender. He tells him about the pills, and wonders how they got there. He asks if the bartender had seen them, but he says no.

Finn tells Hayden that it has nothing to do with drugs. He had a friend come to him with a problem, and he offered to help. She asks what Tracy wanted. He says he could get in trouble, but it was important to the one friend he has. At least if he gets in trouble, it won’t be for drugs.

Laura says she knows who Tracy is deep down, and she’s better than this. Tracy says it hasn’t been proven yet, but Laura tells her to just do the right thing. Ned comes in with Samira, and says he’s making phone calls to see if there’s something else he can do. He asks Tracy to take her somewhere safe that’s close by, but Samira collapses.

Lulu tells Dante about Charlotte loving their visit. He says good, now she doesn’t have to pull any tricks with Valentin. She admits she was considering having Nelle spy on her, or involve Michael.

Michael tells Nelle that it sucks being the prize in a custody war. Nelle asks how he knows, and he tells her about several over him. He says he spent a lot of time being shuttled back and forth, knowing the people he loved were angry because of him. Nelle wonders if he could explain it to Charlotte. Or maybe not. She says if he wants to talk to Dante, do it now, because she doesn’t like the threat hanging over her.

Hayden brings up Finn saying she was a gold-digger, but he doesn’t remember saying it. He says she changed, showing compassion and love when he needed it, and he’s going to change too. He knows he has a long way to go, but he’s working on it. He talks about when they first met, and tells her that she’s succeeded. He will too, but it won’t be easy. Maybe she can see he’s on the right path to being the man she can trust.

Tracy comes into the hospital with Samira. Finn directs them to an examining room. He says he can’t help her, but Tracy says it’s an emergency. Finn asks a nurse to get her vitals. Tracy asks if he’ll treat Samira.

Anna tells Griff that she and Valentin made a truce. Griff says that Valentin doesn’t seem like the forgiving type. He doesn’t trust Valentin, and doesn’t think she should. Finn calls, and tells Griff that it’s an emergency. He says she has an expired visa and immigration is after her, and maybe Griff can help. Griff tells Anna he has to go, but they’ll have dinner another time. As soon as he’s gone, she schedules the phlebotomy that she didn’t really get.

Valentin tells Nina he loves her and she transformed his life. She’s made him happier than he deserves to be. He was a bad man who did bad things. He never really changed until Charlotte came along. Nina says that she hasn’t been a nice person either. He says her choices were made out of pain. He just wants her and Charlotte to be happy. He’s sorry about the whole business with Anna, and apologizes. Nina says she loves the horse, but all he has to do is be honest with her.

Anna listens in. Nina says she has to give Valentin honesty in return. She says the Anna thing bothered her. He says that Anna’s past is as dingy as his own, and she offered a truce. Nina says the truth is, if you suspect cheating and it turns out to be true, it’s hard to trust again. She wonders if it’s something that will be with her forever, and says Jealousy makes people do crazy things. She doesn’t want to go backwards and give into herself because of Anna He says Anna isn’t a threat to them, and ominous Anna says they’ll see about that. Valentin suggests they go to the bedroom. Nina wants to ride first, and suggests they have dinner in bed. He says he has to run an errand, but will be back by dinner.

Anna calls Valentin when Nina leaves. He asks what she wants. She asks if it’s a bad time, and he says actually he needs to see her. She says she needs to see him too, and he says he’s on his way.

Michael tells Nelle it was up to his dad to talk to Dante, so she’s off the hook. He says he knows she wasn’t completely at fault, but he feels worst for Avery and Josslyn. She says she never meant to hurt them, and he tells her that revenge is like an explosion; you don’t know where it will hit. She says he’s never going to forgive her, and he says he doesn’t know. Her takeout food comes, and he says maybe someday he can forgive her. She leaves.

Lulu tells Dante that she was going to give Michael a nudge, but now she doesn’t have to. Dante says he can’t believe she’d use his brother for her personal gain, and she says it was her mom’s idea.

Griff gets to the hospital, and Finn tells Laura she’s in good hands. He tells Tracy that Samira could just be dehydrated and stressed. She asks about the DNA test, and he says it could be tonight or a few days. Ned pops out of nowhere, and asks Tracy what that was about.

Hayden tells Finn that she’s impressed he didn’t break his agreement. He says he’s trying. She says she sees that, and sees who he is when not under the influence. She’s going to give them time. He says that’s all he asks. She says it’s a deal.

Tracy tells Ned she’s just worried about Samira. He wonders why she cares so much so soon; it’s not like her. He says Edward is where she’s most vulnerable. He thinks the painting is key. Laura asks Tracy if she’s okay. She says not until she gets the test back, and that might not be for days.

Lulu tells Dante that Nelle screwed up, but might do better if someone believes in her.

Nina looks for Valentin, but he’s not there. She thinks back to when she found Anna in the living room with him. She says, please don’t be with Anna. Nelle tells her that Charlotte isn’t in her room, and Nina apologizes, telling Nelle that Charlotte is at a sleepover. Nelle says she has a book she wants to finish, a spy thriller, her favorite genre. Nina asks for a favor. She wants Nelle to put her love for spy thrillers to good use. She’d like Nelle to spy on someone.

Anna’s doorbell rings. Guess who? She invites Valentin in, and thanks him for coming. He says he’s just come to return the watch. I think she’s trying to smile romantically at him, but only succeeds in looking insane IMO. He says whatever was between them is over. She takes his hand and gives him another creepy smile.

Tomorrow, Nelle asks who Nina wants her to spy on, Sonny talks to Bobbie, and Carly says she won’t do anything that Sonny doesn’t deserve. Well, that sure leaves it open.

If Loving You is Wrong

I hope Officer Rick is going to be a thing. I’m starting to like him.

Alex is walking the kids home from school and they see Randal. He wants to talk to her, but she says she has to get the kids to bed. They remind her 3 pm is too early for bed. Well, that depends. She sends them inside, and Alex tells Randal to never bring them into it again. He tells her that jail might be safer for her now, after Natalie finds out she’s sleeping with Lushion. She tells him he’s mental. Randal asks if it’s Lushion’s baby, and she says wouldn’t he like to know? He says three men is a lot even for a pro ho like her. Although I would think that if you were a pro, that wouldn’t be very many. She tells him it’s four, and she’s not sure who the baby’s father is. He asks if she’s sleeping with Lushion, and she says yes. Why, Alex, why? Why get Lushion in trouble when he’s one of the few decent guys on this show? (Just in case you’re a new viewer, she’s lying. Lushion would never do such a thing.)

Randal calls Alex a slut, and she thanks him. He asks where they did it and she says mostly in the police car. She tells him to go ahead and tell Natalie. He wonders who she is, and she says she asks herself the same question every time she sees him. He regrets having met her, and she says finally, something they can agree on. He says he’ll make sure every day of her life is a living hell, which actually might be an improvement. She tells him to run along and start preparing. He suggests she sent her parents there to kill him. She’s like, sorry, sorry that they didn’t succeed. He says he sees a little, abused girl trying to be a woman. She tells him he must know that some of those women have sexual issues and she’s one of them. She wants it wherever and whenever she can get it. He tells her to shut up, and she says he’s the one who wanted to analyze her. She says he’s not as good as he thought. He says she loved every minute, and she says she kind of misses it. He tells her to hold on to the memory and she laughs. She teases him, talking about how she remembers when she’s alone at night. That’s when she calls Lushion and he makes her forget all about Randal. He says she’s lying. She asks if he got a good look at the baby, and that he looks just like Lushion. Randal says if the test comes back and the baby isn’t his, she’ll see what happens.

She asks if he wants her. She says she’s wearing the perfume he likes. She asks him to tell her. He says he doesn’t want her and hates her. She says that’s good because she hates him too. She suggests they meet in the shed. Randal says she’s up to something. She says not as much as him.

Eddie nearly runs them over. He jumps out of his truck, and starts screaming at the both of them. Alex’s kids come out, and she says everything is fine and to go back in. She tells them that Eddie lost control of his truck. Paisley says he was probably texting and driving. Surprisingly, Eddie holds it together, and tells them to get inside. He says Alex isn’t going anywhere until they talk. He asks what she’s doing, and says that the blonde dye has soaked into her head. He says he’s telling Brad, and she says go ahead. He wants to talk about the murder she committed. She’s like, huh? She says she didn’t kill anyone; she went to her parents to tell them to lay off of Randal. She had nothing to do with it, and she isn’t an accessory. He wonders who’s been training her on how to speak. He asks if Lushion has been talking to her about Andrew. She says she has nothing to do with that, and Eddie says she ran him over. We both go, what? Eddie claims he’s trying to help her, and she wonders when that’s ever happened. Eddie says Andrew has been missing since she ran him over. Alex asks what he wants. He says nothing, but if she keeps telling tall tales, it’s going to be a bad day, like it’s not already. He tells her Andrew is dead, and she says she didn’t do it. She asks why they haven’t found him, and Eddie says anything could have drug him into the swamp. He tells her to keep telling herself lies, but they both know the truth.

Kelly gets a call from her ex, Tyrell (I finally caught his name). He asks what’s wrong, and she says nothing, but he’s not buying it. She asks how he is, and he says he knows something is wrong for sure now. Kelly says it’s his mother. She came by asking for a key, but she wants to talk to Justice first. Tyrell understands, but Kelly says his mother didn’t. He says he’ll talk to her, but Kelly thinks it will just make her angrier. He says she just loves her baby boy, and Kelly says she loves hers too. He asks if she loves him too. She says Justice just got off the bus (a mother’s equivalent of saying there’s something on the stove), and asks if he can call her back. He tells her he loves her, and to give his love to Justice. He doesn’t seem awful. What’s up with that mother? Kelly calls Justice’s phone.

Lushion calls Natalie, asking where she is. She tells him she’s at work, but she’s on the way. She tells him that Mr. Kim came by the hospital and said he was sorry. He also offered Joey a job. He was glad Joey was there to protect Faun. She asks what’s wrong, and Lushion tells her to hurry up and get there. He says there’s a problem they need to solve, and he’ll tell her when she gets there.

Marcie comes to Brad’s office. She wonders if he’s been ignoring her calls, but he says he’s been swamped. She was thinking about what he said about Alex, and she’s going to stop. She has one condition – Alex needs to stop taunting her. She’s vague about how Alex is doing that, but says if Alex leaves her alone, she’ll leave Alex alone. He says he’ll mention it, and Marcie asks if he’s talking to Alex. He says no, but when Marcie says he’s thinking about it, he says maybe. She asks what that means for them, and he says they already talked about it. She says she’s not ready to give him up, and he tells her that she’s all over the place. She says she needs him. He says he’ll send her the rent. She says it’s not that. She has big decisions to make, and needs someone she trusts to help her through it.

Marcie sits on Brad’s lap. She tells him she cares about him, appreciates him, and really loves him. He says he loves her too, and they kiss. What is up with this? She wants him to know she’ll always love him whether they end up together or not, and he says he feels the same way. He wants her to get up, but she doesn’t want to, so he tickles her. He says her stomach is different. She says thanks, she just ate lunch. He wonders if she’s pregnant by him, but she says they both know that’s not possible. He says that would certainly get the town talking, and she says it would be the ultimate pay-back. She asks if he wants a child with her, but he says not in this situation. She asks if it would be that bad, and Brad says she’s scaring him. He says he’s going to be late. Marcie asks if he’s going to see Alex, and he says maybe. Marcie leaves, and Brad is like, whew!

Randal’s doorbell rings. It’s a woman who’s come to do the DNA test. She makes small talk about his house while she sets up the test. She tells him he has a lot of muscles, and he says she’s hot as hell. She says she used to compete. Seriously, would someone who does in-home DNA tests have this kind of conversation? She says they’re going to do both a swab and blood test. He asks what she’s doing later, and she tells him she’s having dinner with her wife and their kids. He asks if she’s a lesbian, and she says she doesn’t like labels. I roll my eyes at the both of them. She says even if she was into guys, she wouldn’t be into one who denies his kid. He says that’s not it; he wants custody. She says good for him; he’s one of the good guys. If she only knew. He wonders why she’s not testing anyone else. He tells her that Lushion was one of his ex’s partners, and he just lives down the block. She says she’ll get on it. She leaves while Randal flexes his muscles. He says she thinks she’s gay, but not when he’s done with her. Randal has reached a new low.

Esperanza and Rick are trying to track down Justice. They have the judge issuing warrants, but Rick says if the phone battery has been taken out, they can’t trace it. He asks if Kelly might have set this up. Esperanza says she wouldn’t do that, but Rick says that Travis tells a different story and has proof. He says that Travis has a text message, and Esperanza tells him that he’s acting like a rookie; she can vouch for Kelly. Rick asks why Kelly didn’t file a restraining order, and Esperanza says she did. He says only Travis has one on file, and there’s back up.  Esperanza tells him to just do his job. She calls Kelly, and tells her to relax and let the police handle things. Kelly is borderline hysterical, and Esperanza asks why she didn’t file the restraining order. Kelly thinks Esperanza is accusing her of being responsible for the kidnapping, and says that the lawyer didn’t call her back. Esperanza asks for the lawyer’s information. She tells Kelly to hold on.

Esperanza calls the lawyer, but he’s not in. She finds out that he’s at church. She asks what one, and thanks them. She tells Kelly that the lawyer isn’t returning her calls because he’s a member of Travis’s church. She gives the phone to Rick. He asks if Kelly heard anything in the background, but she didn’t. He says there’s an APB out, and asks if Travis would hurt Justice or where he might take him. Kelly doesn’t know. Esperanza says they’re sending someone to the church. Kelly says she can’t just sit there. Rick gets a check on Justice’s phone and jets. Kelly tells Esperanza that she’s coming to the station.

Everyone arrives at Kelly’s house at the same time – Kelly, Esperanza, and the police. Esperanza holds Kelly back while the police go in with guns drawn, but they come back out. They’re all coughing and waving their hands.

Next time, Brad threatens to kick Randal’s ass, Randal talks to Natalie, and Eddie says the party is just gettin’ started.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – The Reunion, Part Three

We go back to the bunny. Kim never gave it to her grandson, and because it wasn’t given to her with the “right energy,” she gives it back to LisaR, who ends up leaving the stage. Kyle thinks Kim should explain how superstitious she is to Lisa, and Kim takes the roving bunny with her backstage.

She runs into LisaR, who’s coming back out. Lisa says it’s the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to her, and Kim is a sick woman. I agree that it’s pretty bad, and I don’t even like Lisa. Eileen comes back on stage and says it doesn’t look good. Kyle says nobody wants the bunny, but Andy does, for the clubhouse. He’s the worst.

LisaR strides back to the reunion circle, and says it was cruel and mean. Kim tries to justify her actions, and Lisa has an f-off sound effect thing, and keeps pushing the button on it. Kim says she was going to do it before, but she figured they’d both be at the reunion. So yeah, why not do it on national TV instead of in private? Lisa says she’s a sick woman, and Kim says she feels the same way about Lisa. Lisa says Kim wants to be on the show, and she’s her meal ticket, which is where she goes totally wrong. Even I think that’s stupid. Not that it excuses Kim’s behavior. Lisa accuses Kyle of condoning every rotten thing that Kim has done, and Kyle says it’s not like she has control over her, and she’s not apologizing for anything her sister does.

Dorit tells LisaR that she has a big mouth, and Lisa tells her to shut up, causing a moment of silence. Dorit tells Lisa that she goes for the jugular, and like usual when she can’t form real words, Lisa says that Dorit does too. Lisa says she speaks her truth, and Kyle says that doesn’t make it okay. She put Kyle in the worst position, when they’d never even had a fight. Lisa says she’s apologized. Lisa says Kyle says mean things about her lips, and I can’t believe that’s’ the best she can come up with. Andy moves on.

A viewer suggests the only reason Eden went after Kyle and Kim, is that she wanted to create a storyline for herself. Eden says she wasn’t the one who said those things, but agreed with it because of her own past. It was something she recognized and projected onto them.

Omg I can’t believe it. We go back to when the earth cooled, in the limousine, where Kyle talked about how Mauricio supported Kim like a second wife, because a viewer has asked if that wasn’t enabling. Kyle says that she believes enabling is turning a blind eye to the situation, and that’s never been the case with her. She has a wing of hair sticking out, and it’s all I can look at.

A viewer asks if LisaV thinks LisaR was acting when she said she didn’t remember saying anything about Kim and Kyle. Because LisaV knows all. LisaV says if she’d said something like that, she’d remember. Dorit says LisaR crucified her for not remembering a five-minute conversation. LisaR tells her to shut up again, and then says sorry. Another viewer asks Kyle if she thought LisaR really forgot. Lisa keeps repeating that she really didn’t remember. Eileen says that what Lisa said was wrong, but game night got weird because of Kim. We flash back, but I don’t see it that way. Eileen babbles, and tells Kim not to be rude, because she has something to say. She says Kim inserted herself in a conversation where she didn’t belong, and she has no idea what she’s talking about. I’m not sure Eileen knows what she’s talking about. I also hate how she hammers questions at someone, then talks over them when they try to answer. Eileen tells Kim that just because she’s obnoxious, doesn’t mean she’s right. She says that Kim attacked her and LisaR. LisaV says that what LisaR said was incredibly damaging, and LisaR says she apologized. She hasn’t said anything about Kim since, and thought they’d made amends. We flash back, and it looks that way to me. LisaR says it she sees that it’s not going to work, but that’s okay. She’s moved on.

And we’re moving on to the bag o’ pills. We flash back to LisaR saying she put Xanax in smoothies, pulling out her plastic bag, and Dorit repeating the story. Then telephone gets played with Eden, and we come full circle to the confrontations on the boat and the Hong Kong dinner. LisaR always comes off as crazy as a loon to me. Kyle acts like Eden started it. I get distracted by Dorit’s dress, because it has tiny chains hanging all over it. I love it so much. Dorit explains why she asked Eden about LisaR, and says she didn’t say that Lisa had a Xanax problem; LisaR created the story. LisaR says Dorit “makes her head crazy.” I have the feeling that doesn’t take much.

LisaR insists that Dorit kept talking about it. Lisa pulls out the bag of pills, and Andy asks what’s in there. It’s nothing exciting. Lisa says she takes Benadryl is for acid reflux, and I’ve never heard of such a thing. She tells Andy that she’s never really put Xanax in a smoothie, and Andy says she could use one. Erika says when you say sh*t, it becomes bigger than it is. She says it doesn’t make anybody look good; they’re all in the same boat, and she doesn’t understand why it keeps happening.

Andy asks about the coke thing. LisaR says she was just being honest. Dorit says she’s a mom, and Lisa went there for no reason. Lisa says it’s what she observed, and Dorit says she said it to hurt her. Kyle says she would have flipped out if it had been said about her. Andy asks why did everyone get up and where did they go? I find out the guy who got stuck at the table with Lisa is Elliot Mince. Lisa says that Dorit was told she needed a touch up, and everyone disappeared. I’m thinking they wanted to get away from Lisa, and maybe Elliot is deaf. Dorit says she doesn’t know what happened. It could have been a number of things, none of which is what Lisa insinuated. Andy asks if there were drugs at her party, and Dorit says of course not, it’s ridiculous. He asks if Lisa’s personality is induced in any way, and Lisa says she’s 100% Lisa.

Andy almost gets Kim and Eden off the stage, but Eileen interrupts, saying that Kim looks down on her because she’s a soap actress. Kim says she doesn’t, but she thinks Eileen is exaggerating things, and reality TV is different. Eileen asks if Kim has seen herself. Kim says she’s dramatic, but it’s real life drama. Eileen says she doesn’t talk about Kim that way. Kim repeats that this is real life, and Eileen says bye-bye, rude, bye-bye Kim, which makes her look pretty immature. Kim brings up Eileen’s support of LisaR, and Eileen says she thought it might have something to do with that. LisaV suggests that Eileen is supportive when LisaR is wrong, but Eileen and LisaR won’t hear of it.

Eden and Kim finally exit. LisaR claims she needs a Xanax, and walks offstage. What did Erika just say? She’s doing it to herself.

We go down LisaV Memory Lane. We go over her work for the dogs, and I try not to get all emotional. I love Lisa all over again. We also flash back to Max’s search for his birth parents. Andy asks how Lisa came to terms with that. She says that she felt more vulnerable in the beginning. She tells Andy that they found Max’s mother. Andy asks if he’s going to meet her, and Lisa thinks he should. He says he wants to thank her. She says if she was younger, she might feel threatened, because he could be taken away, but it’s still emotional. She says she wants to create a buffer in case it doesn’t work out the way they’re hoping. We move on to the condo that Lisa gave Max. A viewer wonders why she got it for him, since she promotes her kids making it on their own. She says that he’s a good kid who holds down a job, has been on his own for years, and asks for nothing, so she just wanted to do it. Seriously, I wouldn’t take up much space in her house if she wants to adopt me.

Andy talks about the dog meat trade, and asks if China has acknowledged our fight against it. Lisa says what’s important is to get the word out. Taiwan did recently outlaw the dog and cat meat trade, which is definitely progress, but it was before this was filmed. Eileen says she’s done a great thing, and Lisa thanks everyone for being supportive.

A viewer accuses LisaV of replacing Giggy with a younger, furrier Harrison. Lisa says Harrison was very needy and she probably over compensated, but the Gigster still reigns, and they’re best friends. Andy asks if it’s like Menudo at her house, and all of us laugh. We see an interview with Giggy. Too cute for words. Giggy!

We see LisaR’s nude selfie from Instagram. Thanks. Harry didn’t even know about it, but her daughters made her take it down. We look back on family time at Lisa’s house. They discuss Delilah’s new modeling career, and Lisa says Amelia is right on her heels. Andy stupidly wonders if it was awkward when Delilah did the same show as Gigi Hadid. Lisa says not at all, and talks about how lovely Gigi is and that Yolanda did a wonderful job. We find out that Harry watches all of the shows. She says he tells her she just can’t help herself, and she gets it from all sides.

Andy asks if there are any regrets. LisaR says she’ll never talk about Kim again. He asks Eileen what she has to say to her critics, and she says she always comes from a good place. Dorit says she wouldn’t have given Erika the underwear, and she’s learned about how it goes when something gets out there. Kyle says new people shift the dynamics, but she thinks they’re all good people, and it was a good experience. Andy asks LisaV what she’d do if someone tried to steal the crown, and Lisa says let them have it, adding that she’s had good relationships this season. I’m sure anything beats Brandi. Andy says that Erika revealed more than she had possibly planned on revealing, and Erika says no regrets. She hopes people see that she’s like everyone else inside. Andy brings up how she said everyone needs a little Erika Jayne, and asks who needs it the most. Erika says they all need triple-shots right now.

This helps Andy segue to the smoothie toast he’s prepared, and he asks LisaR for the bunny. She gives it to him for the clubhouse (where it was the bartender, as well as the secret word tonight). The smoothies have umbrellas in them. Andy says long live The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and everyone clinks glasses. Lisa says it’s better with a Xanax.

The end…for now.

April 19, 2017 – A Painting Conundrum, Tyler Tuesday & Beverly Hills Reunions On

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

We revisit Tracy’s unveiling of the clown picture. Tracy realizes that Larry wasn’t around during the fire drill. That’s because he was busy stealing the painting. He kisses it, and says that when Tracy tries to screw him out of a deal, she just ends up screwing herself. I’m not feeling the new Larry, and wish they’d bring back the previous actor.

Jake sees Franco at the hospital, and asks if he’s back to work. Franco says not yet, and finds out that Jake is there to see Andre. Franco shows him a picture of the latest drawing on the timeline, and asks if he knows how it got into his studio.

At the docks, Jason tells Sam that Julian is desperate to get out of town. Sam wonders what Julian would do to Alexis if she ran into him. Well…

Alexis and Julian are getting busy.

Tracy says every time Larry darkens her doorstep, she has to pay, and he’s not getting away with it. The others agree, and split up to look for Larry.

Jake insists he didn’t draw on the timeline, and it must have been one of his brothers. Franco wonders which one could have gotten into his studio. He asks who Jake thinks the boy in the picture is, and he says he doesn’t know. Franco asks if there’s anything he wants to talk about. Jake tells him not to tell anyone, especially his parents. Elizabeth comes up the stairs, telling Jake not to run off like that.

Jason finds Hooper on the docks. He says that he and Sam have some questions.

Alexis tells Julian that when she turned around on the bridge, he was gone. He says Olivia-J shot him, but even though it bled a lot, it wasn’t serious. He was the phantom stalking her, and apologizes for scaring her. She says she read the letter. He wishes he hadn’t taken so long to tell her the truth. He tells her that he’s sorry. She says she thought he was gone. He says he’s here now, and he’s never going to leave her.

On the grounds of the Quartermaine estate, Larry talks to someone on the phone about storing the painting. He literally runs into a strange girl, and drops it. It’s the girl from the monastery, and he asks who she is. Ned, Laura, and Dillon run up. Larry blames the girl for stealing the painting, but they don’t buy it. Ned grabs Larry, and the painting, and gives him the bum’s rush back to the house.

Laura thanks the girl for stopping Larry. She introduces herself as Samira Adine, and Laura asks what brought her there. She’s there to see Tracy.

Tracy tells Larry he’s despicable. Larry says that he at least deserves a finder’s fee, and Tracy says he’s lucky she’s not calling the police. Tracy says where were we, and Monica says hogging the happy couple’s spotlight. Tracy unveils the real painting. She says it was painted by a renaissance painter, and Monica apologizes, saying it’s beautiful. Ned says the resemblance is striking. He tells Tracy that her father loved her.

Elizabeth tells Jake that he’s not in trouble, but Andre is waiting for him, and he leaves. She tells Franco she doesn’t know if she’s doing the right thing. Whenever she tries to get Jake to open up about the island, he pulls away. She’d feel less useless as a mother if she knew what she was doing was right. Franco shows her the picture of the timeline and what Jake added.

Hooper tells Sam and Jason that if he sells out clients, he’s out of business. Jason says if Sonny gets mad, he’ll be out of business. Sam tells him that they’re good friends with Sonny, and asks why he was meeting Julian.

Alexis thought Hooper was helping Julian, and Julian says that was the plan. He wondered what she’d do if she found out he was alive, and now he knows. He thought they might still have a future. She tells him that he can’t stay in Port Charles. He suggests running away together. They’ll get word back eventually, and the kids will understand. They can start over. No right side or wrong side; just the two of them together. Alexis says he misunderstood what happened tonight. It’s not a fresh start. It’s good-by.

Hooper tells Jason and Sam that Julian never showed up. Sam asks if there was a woman with Julian when Hooper met with him, but Hooper says no. He tells them that if Julian makes contact, he’ll call. He leaves, and Jason tells Sam that if Alexis went with him, it was probably willingly.

Alexis says she understands why Julian has to disappear, but she’s not going. He says they love each other, and she says he held a knife to her throat. I hate when that happens. It’s such a buzzkill.  Julian says it’s the biggest regret of his life, and she knows why he did it. Alexis says that she knows how she felt, and can’t get past it. She says it’s not just about Olivia-J forcing him to do her bidding; it’s what he did before that. She asks if it was his intention to hurt Duke and Carrrlos. Julian says he loves her, and she tells him it doesn’t mean anything; there are two sides to him. He tells her that they both would stand by her, which is a pretty clever comeback. She says it’s only a matter of time before someone else gets hurt, and she’s not doing it. He says it wasn’t all bad, and she says it wasn’t, but it was built on the hope that the better side of him would win. He asks about tonight. She says she just wanted to remember. He promises it can always be like that, but she says he can’t promise that. She needs closure, and needs him to give it to her.

Tracy tells Ned to get Larry out. Tracy asks Monica if she can replace the wall-hanging now, but Monica thinks the painting should go in the front hall. Laura and Samira come in, and Ned says Samira is the one who caught Larry. Samira says she’s traveled a long way from Turkey to see Tracy. Tracy wonders how Samira tracked her down, and Samira says the monks gave her the information. The painting has to be returned. Tracy says she explained everything to the monks, and she’s willing to make another donation, but she’s not parting with the painting. Samira says her daughter’s life depends on it.

Franco tells Elizabeth what Jake said about the timeline. She says it’s obviously something he witnessed. Franco isn’t sure if it’s literal. Elizabeth thanks him, and says she’ll talk to Andre. Jake sees them hugging. Franco has the phone in his hand, and Jake asks if he showed Elizabeth his picture. Franco says she needs to know, and Jake runs away.

Sam tells Jason that she doesn’t think finding the scarf is an accident, and isn’t going to allow history to keep repeating. The only way to keep Julian away is to find him and send him to prison. Sam remembers an app she has that tracks down friends, and finds Alexis’s location. She says they have to call the police.

Julian tells Alexis that the only life worth living is one with her in it. She says she wishes she could say the same thing. Her feelings re powerful, and he caused so much heartache. She doesn’t want any more pain, and it’s the only place this will lead. He says he loves her, and he’ll honor her wishes. He’s leaving town, and he’ll never see her again. He asks her to just give him tonight, and they start getting busy again.

Larry tells Ned that all’s right with the world. Ned says hardly. Larry swiped the painting like it was a piece of jewelry he could pawn. Larry suggests they not discuss it in mixed company, since Olivia-F is with Ned. Ned says Olivia is his family, which is more than he can say for Larry. Larry wants to let bygones be bygones. He says Tracy will forget about it; she’s used to his schemes, and it’s no reason to kick him out. Ned says he’s no longer welcome, and he’s disinvited to the wedding. Larry says he’s not going anywhere, and sooner or later Ned will miss him. Ned doubts it.

Tracy asks Samira for ID. She says it looks correct, but could have been forged. Laura looks at the emergency visa. She notes that it’s for Virginia. Samira explains that some refugees helped her. She tells them about men kidnapping her daughter. Dillon thinks it sounds like human trafficking. Laura realizes that Samira was the one who was crying at the monastery. Samira says that she went to the monks for help, and they wanted to use the painting to bargain.

Dillon wants Tracy to give her the painting. Tracy wants to think about it because she’s hesitant to believe the story. Monica says if the monks believe the story, maybe they can just give them the money. Tracy says they could all end up in jail. Samira says if she took the painting, no money would change hands.

Ned tells Olivia-F that he wonders how he sprang from the same gene pool as Larry. She says good parenting has nothing to do with DNA, and he proves that with Leo. Ned says with Julian gone, he wants to be there for Leo. He asks if the offer is still on the table to adopt Leo. It is.

Alexis has to leave. Julian tells her to take care of Sam and Lucas, and to take care of herself. A lot of people love her, and if she wants a drink, call them. She tells him to be careful. They’re about to kiss, and the police bust in, along with Jason and Sam.

Tracy says that customs knows she has the painting. If it ends up as currency, she’ll get in trouble. She suggests Laura get ahold of Robert, and find out the details. Monica says they’ll get some food and make up a room for Samira. Laura says she’ll call Robert, but she thinks Samira is telling the truth, and Tracy might be the only one who can help.

Elizabeth and Franco can’t find Jake. Elizabeth says this is how it started. Franco tells her to check Andre’s office. He sees sneakers next to a cart, and finds Jake hiding. Jake tells him to go away. Franco says he gets it; he wouldn’t want to talk to him either, but his mom is worried. Jake doesn’t want them knowing anything else about the scarecrow.

Julian says Alexis is his hostage. BTW, this place is called the Rendezvous Motel. Very classy. Julian is arrested. He and Alexis stare at each other.

Samira asks Tracy to believe her. Tracy says painting means a lot to her. Samira shows her a journal and a ring. Tracy says her father had a ring like this. She opens the journal, and sees Edward’s handwriting. She finds a picture of Lila. She asks where Samira got this. Samira says she got them from her mother. Tracy’s father left them to her, as they’d been friends. She says she’s telling the truth. Monica takes her upstairs.

Tracy talks to the painting like it’s Edward. She says, she has blue eyes, and not to do this to her.

Tomorrow, Hayden can’t make any promises, Tracy isn’t giving up her father’s legacy, and Michael tells Sonny to leave Port Charles.

If Loving You is Wrong

Kelly finds out that Justice is in the car with Travis. She tells her assistant to call the police. Doesn’t that kid have a GPS on his phone? Kelly wants to talk to Travis, who tells her it’s illegal to talk on the phone and drive. She asks where he’s taking Justice, but he pretends like he can’t hear her. He tells her he’s hanging up, and that Justice loves her.

Kelly gets on the phone with Officer Rick. She tells him that Travis has her son. Rick takes down whatever information she has, which isn’t much. He gives another officer the phone number, and has him run a trace on Justice’s phone. Kelly keeps repeating, “Why is he doing this?”

Rick puts an APB out on Travis’s car. Esperanza asks what’s going on. Kelly calls her and tells her about Travis taking Justice. Esperanza says she’ll call her back. I don’t blame Esperanza for being frustrated all the time when she has to find out what emergencies are going on from neighbors. Kelly tries to get Justice back on the phone, but gets voicemail. Justice asks Travis where they are. Kelly tries calling him, but call, rinse, repeat.

Brad pretends to work. Eddie strolls in. He asks if Alex told him what happened before he got there. Brad says no, and Eddie says he has to hear it. He tells Brad about finding Alex with Andrew, and how she took off in the squad car. He claims he did everything he could to stop her. He wonders why Brad saved the baby, and Brad says it’s an innocent baby. Eddie says it’s a disgrace to him. He can’t figure out what’s going on, and Brad says that’s because he doesn’t have a heart. Eddie says Brad is his best friend and he can help him. They have Alex where they want her. If he spills the beans, she’ll go to jail. Brad can make her do anything he wants. Brad says he’s had enough. Eddie tells him it’s no time to get soft, but Brad says he’s done with it. He tells Eddie that Alex has suffered enough, and he’s done. Eddie says what about Brad’s suffering, and Brad tells him to leave. Eddie says he’ll go, but the soldier he knew wouldn’t let himself become a mockery. When his best friend comes back, call, but until then, he’s out.

Marcie brings flowers to Louise. She asks what the doctor said, and Louise says she’s under observation. Marcie wants Louise out of there, and Louise wants out too. They hug, and Louise thinks Marcie has a temperature. Marcie says she’s fine. They talk about Randal. Marcie says she stayed as far away as possible, but Louise says her heart didn’t. Marci calls Randal a bully, and says she wants nothing to do with him. She can love and worry about him, but not like him.

She starts to tell Louise something, and Randal comes in. He tells Louise how angry he is with Alex. Louise tells him to say hello to Marcie. Marcie wants to go; she says she can’t breathe. He asks if she’s sucking all the air out of Brad, and she says every chance she gets. She tells Louise she’ll be back. Randal calls her a slut, and she says she’s using the tricks he taught her. She leaves, and Louise tries to chastise Randal, but he doesn’t want to hear it.

Randal tells Louise that Alex said the child wasn’t his. Louise asks if he’s sure it is. Randal says Alex told the judge that she had multiple partners. Louise says, chalk one up for the white girl. Ha-ha! She says if a woman will cheat on her husband, why wouldn’t she cheat on her boyfriend? Randal insists it was only him, and that’s his son. Louise tells him that Alex let her see the baby, and tells Randal about talking to Alex. She says he could be Randal’s son, and Randal says no way he’s not. Louise thinks it’s foolish and naïve for Randal to think he’s the only one. He says the only other Black man that Alex knows is the mailman. Louise says it wouldn’t be the first time a housewife hooked up with a mailman, and Randal says he’s like, 200 years old.

Randal asks what Marcie wanted, and Louise says he ran her out before she could say. He asks if he can get Louise anything. She says peace, quiet, and time alone. She tells Randal he wears her out, and to go home. She tells him to check on the mailman. Ha-ha! I love Louise.

Diane shows up at Kelly’s office while she’s on the phone. Kelly says now is not the time. Diane wonders how she’s working around money, considering her past, and asks if they know her background. Kelly says she can’t afford to lose her job, and Diane suggests they talk then. Kelly asks Diane what she wants. Diane wants a key, since her son is getting out soon. Kelly says she needs time to talk to her son and explain things. Diane offers to talk to him, and Kelly wigs out a little bit. Diane asks if Kelly knows what it’s like to not know where her son is and what he’s doing. Kelly says more than Diane knows. Diane asks if Kelly understands about a mother wanting to protect her son. She wants the key. Kelly gives it to her.

Joey wants out of the hospital. Natalie is surprised he hasn’t been kicked out, but doesn’t think he’s ready to go. She says he’s barely walking, and will need rehab. He says he can walk and she asks him to show her. He can’t, and she says he’s not some superhero. He says he will be getting out. Natalie tells him that he has physical therapy today.

There’s a knock at the door. It’s Mr. Kim. Joey asks about Faun, and he says she’s home and healing. Natalie says she knows he’s upset that they were together, but he says he’s not. He thanks Joey for saving her life. He says if Joey hadn’t had a gun, he doesn’t know what would have happened. He owes Joey. Joey says another guy is dead because of him. Mr., Kim offers Joey his job back, and leaves them to their family time.

Joey says that was crazy. Natalie says she’ll be back. She sees Mr. Kim in the hallway. She asks if he paid Joey’s hospital bills. He didn’t, and she’s wondering why they’re letting Joey stay there when they have no insurance. Mr. Kim is surprised they don’t have any, because he’s under the mistaken impression that it’s actually affordable. Natalie goes back into Joey’s room, and Joey asks what she said to Mr. Kim. She’s saved by the phone ringing. Lushion says he needs her help. He tells her to come to the house. She says she’s on her way. She tells Joey to try to walk.

Alex burns dinner. She tells the kids she’ll take them out. They ask how they’re getting there, and she says she’ll call a cab. Peter asks where the car is, and she says she had an accident. Paisley asks about the baby, and she tells them to stop asking questions. She apologizes for being snippy. Paisley asks if she’s okay. She tells them to get ready, and tells Peter to ask Kelly if she can borrow her car. The kids go upstairs, and Alex cries.

Lushion stops by and asks if he can borrow candles. Alex invites him in, and creepy Randal watches from his porch. Lushion asks if everything is okay, and Alex says she burned dinner. She looks for the candles and gives him some really nice ombre ones. He says he wants to surprise Natalie, and tells Alex not to let her know. He says it feels good to borrow from neighbors. He says he knows what Alex is going through, and mentions Randal pressing charges. Alex asks if she can go to jail for what her parents did. Lushion says she had nothing to do with it…right? He asks if she saw Andrew, and she says he picked her up after she wrecked her car. Lushion asks if Andrew took her to her parents, but the kids come down and interrupt the conversation. Lushion says they can borrow his car, but Alex says they’ll just walk to the deli. Paisley says she doesn’t like deli food – like no kid ever said – and Alex says they’ll get some fresh air. Lushion thanks her and leaves. She follows with the kids. Creepy Randal is still in the same position he was when Lushion arrived, and quietly calls Alex a bitch.

Both Pete and Joey are in physical therapy. Pete is walking a little, and Joey says he needs a break. Pete introduces himself to Joey. They discover they were both shot. Pete says he was an innocent bystander, and Joey says he’s a cop in Maxine. Pete plays along, asking Joey how long he’s been a cop, and Joey says years. Pete ask if he was shot in the line of duty. Joey makes up a story, saying his back-up was late. Pete asks who it was and Joey says a guy named Lushion. He says Lushion is way too old to be a cop, and was probably out getting doughnuts. Pete asks what he called in when he got shot. Joey says 187 and even I know that’s incorrect. Pete points that out.

Some cops bust in to arrest Joey for violating probation. They drag him out of his chair, saying he can go to the prison hospital. Joey is yelling, and the doctor tries to intervene, but they cart Joey away.

Next time, Randal confronts Alex, Kelley’s ex says that he loves her, and Alex comes on to Randal, totally creeping me out.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Reunion Part Two

We just jump right in. Erika says she didn’t like the way PK asked if she’s for sale. He’s defensive of Dorit, but Erika says her beef is with him. Andy says she’d claimed to be over it, and LisaV suggests having a sense of humor. A viewer asks if LisaV has forgiven Erika for her accusing her of sniping from the sidelines, and we see a clip of Erika talking to someone who’s no longer on the show, it was so long ago. Lisa says she thought Erika was relaxed with her nudity, and we flash back to some flashes. Kyle says it wasn’t funny because Erika wasn’t in on the joke. A viewer suggests Kyle could have intervened, and Kyle says she told Dorit she didn’t think it would go well. She and LisaV get in a small argument. They both talk at once, so who knows what it’s about? Kyle tells Lisa not to turn things around, and that she wasn’t there.

LisaR asks why Dorit doesn’t just apologize. Because LisaR only listens to herself. Dorit has apologized over and over. Andy says he was surprised that Erika didn’t tell Tom right away, and asks how she approached him about it. She says she explained how the story was going to pan out, and he gets it, which doesn’t surprise me in the least. Erika implies that Dorit drug her through the mud. Andy asks PK how he felt about LisaR asking if Dorit trusted him, but he just rolled with it. Lisa says she’s sorry for that. PK apologizes for the joke he made, but says he doesn’t owe an apology to Tom.

Dorit says she doesn’t know how many times she can say sorry. Erika says she wasn’t the one who wouldn’t let it go. Dorit says everyone was still joking about it. She points out that Andy just did when they sat down. PK says he’s heard all their insults, and all he did was make a bad joke. Please, PK, don’t say it’s not like you killed her child.

Since he can’t leave it alone, Andy brings up PK saying that Erika should concentrate on the deep-rooted problems in her marriage. Erika says he doesn’t even know her, but LisaR keeps interjecting, and PK says he seems to be discussing Erika with Lisa. Lisa says that he claimed she was unhinged and maybe had a drug problem. He says his first experience with her was at a dinner he thought went fabulous, and he can’t believe she could leave such a great evening, then say there were bad intentions. Lisa deflects, saying that Dorit didn’t remember the conversation they had about Eileen’s father passing away. Huh? Andy interjects, asking why Lisa said that the people at dinner left to “blow some rails.” I guess he thinks he sounds hip. Lisa says she’d gotten to a point that she’d had it with the Xanax thing. Dorit says she never said Lisa had a problem, but Lisa went after her with a preposterous accusation. PK says he’s never done coke, and the suggestion was ridiculous. LisaV says it’s a damaging thing to say, and thinks it was just retaliation. LisaR insists that’s what she observed. PK says you don’t have to be honest, if it’s not factual, which is another way of saying what I always do, that these women tend to hide their animosity behind the guise of honesty. Andy says fake news is all the rage. Because he’s so Andy.

LisaR talks about the inappropriate stuff said by PK after the confrontation at LisaV’s party, and that he should have let it go. PK admits that they were being naughty. Dorit came back distraught, and he felt that the mean girls had bullied his wife. His emotions were running high, and he’d had a few drinks. I’m with him here. Both he and Ken were inappropriate, but they were just letting off steam privately. LisaR says if she’d said something, it would be different, and PK says that she’s said a million things that she’s apologized for. There’s no question that he was upset. He says that he did walk away from the confrontation, because none of the other husbands were there, and Dorit says Erika is the one who invited him into the conversation.

PK tells Erika she’s not nice, and she tells him to get the f out of here. She says it’s easy to apologize in hindsight, and it’s fine. Andy asks if it really is, and she says they have to start over and they’ll see.

We see a montage of the Beverly Hills double air kiss greeting, which is also a chance to look over some past fashion. Kyle says she was sometimes embarrassed by the hellos. We see the various careers and projects the women have going on. Erika hits the nail on the head saying, busy girls. They talk about Erika performing at Christina Aguilera’s birthday party. Everyone promotes their whatever. We find out Kyle’s show was picked up, but she won’t be on it personally. Erika is also coming back to The Young and the Restless. Erika was partly named after Erika Kane from All My Children, and we see part of a talk show interview where she met Susan Lucci. Dorit talks about the many businesses that she and PK are involved with. She’s encouraged by the other women to continue with designing clothing, and having her own thing going apart from PK.

Kim and Eden join the group. We see a picture of Kim’s grandson, who’s wearing one of those terrycloth hoodies with animal ears and looks adorable. We also see a picture of Kim on a date with Donald Trump. Andy suggests Kim could have been the First Lady, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. We flash back to scenes with Eden. We see many awkward hugs. Even Eden has to laugh. She’s wearing some fabulous fringe earrings that I probably can’t afford, and explains about the long hugs breaking the introduction energy, and that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

LisaV talks about having known Vidal Sassoon, but says she’d never met Eden. I remember liking his jean brand. Eden has been busy on Twitter shading Kyle. Eden says in watching the show, she saw how mean Kyle was. Kyle asks her to put herself in her shoes. She thought they were cool, then Eden said she was cold and distant in her interview. She adds that Eden ambushed her with questions about alcoholism right off the bat.

Andy brings up Eden and LisaR becoming fast friends, and how that changed, and we see clips. Including the one where Lisa said that Kim was close to death. It’s all worth watching to see LisaV’s sparkly earrings when she told Kyle what Eden had said. Ooh, Eden’s ballerina outfit at LisaV’s party is pretty good too. Andy reads viewer questions. Eden explains that she was overwhelmed in meeting Kim, and couldn’t not stick her nose where it didn’t belong. She doesn’t say it quite like that, but that’s my translation. Andy asks what Eden thought was wrong, and Eden says she felt nervous energy. Kim suggests when she feels that, to respect people’s spaces. She says they could have been friends, but instead of going to the source, Eden just repeated what LisaR had said and badgered Kyle. Kim says that Eden shouldn’t have been taking her inventory, and Eden tells Kim not to tell her how to work a program. Well, if part of the program is not taking anyone else’s inventory, then Kim has a right to point that out.

Andy asks the million-dollar question – why the blip did LisaR say what she did about Kim not being sober and close to death? Kim suggests that she doesn’t remember. Lisa says it was after game night. We flash back to their tiff. Kim says that Lisa lies, cries, and denies, and that it was unbelievable to watch. She says that Lisa has a huge heart, and she does like being around her. Lisa says they’ve made amends since then, and have moved on. Kim has big hopes. Andy asks about the bunny that Lisa gifted Kim’s grandson with. Here’s where it gets confusing.

Kim has brought said bunny, still in the wrapper. She didn’t give it to her grandson, because she didn’t feel that it had good energy. She gives it back to LisaR, and tells her when she’s in a better place, maybe she can give it back to her. This is the stupidest, meanest thing ever. Kim says she’s all about energy and being positive. Eden asks if she wants a crystal for healing, and Kim says she is healed. Kim says that Lisa might be better off giving it to someone else. Lisa starts crying, and Eileen wonders why Kim chose to do this at the reunion. Kim says she doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not with LisaR. Andy asks Lisa what she’s thinking. She says she doesn’t need to say anything; she gets it loud and clear. Andy is confused, since he thought they were in a good place, but Kim says she doesn’t know if she’s ready to be Lisa’s friend. Lisa says it’s okay. She’s forgiven herself, and she’s okay with that. Kyle interjects that Kim is like that, but she sees why Lisa feels badly. Lisa says Harry thought it was a good idea to give Kim the gift, even though she had second thoughts. Kim says maybe it’s good that she feels badly, since she hurt Kim.

LisaR says she has to leave the stage for a moment. Eileen follows. Eileen says that it was a calculated move, trying to demean and hurt Lisa, when Lisa was just being nice. Lisa says she’s good because she has a good life. They regroup.

Dorit says it’s not like LisaR is just the victim. Kyle tells Kim to go back and explain to LisaR how superstitious she is. Yeah. More like yearning for attention. LisaR is an idiot, but this is nasty.

Eileen says it just shows where she’s at, and LisaR says Kim showed her true colors.

Kim goes backstage with the bunny. It’s like some bizarro world version of Fatal Attraction.

Next time – the Reunion, part three – Dorit tells LisaR she has a big mouth, the bag of pills is revealed, and Kim accuses Eileen of making faces (like no one else does that). If anyone deserve a four-part reunion, it’s these girls, but I think that three is it with this one.

 

 

 

April 17, 2017 – A Painting Vanishes, an Auction is Silent, a Reunion Ends & Tubbers is Celebrated

Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Alexis tells Sam that she thought she was losing her mind, but she wasn’t. Sam wonders why Julian doesn’t just come forward, and Jason says he’s facing criminal charges. Jason is going to hunt him down.

Dillon takes pictures of the happy couple at the engagement party. Ned and Olivia kiss.

Tracy has put the covered painting on an easel in the den. Monica says she’ll have it removed later. Laura pops in, thanking Monica for the invitation. She wonders if they could mix hospital business with pleasure. Larry sees the mysterious masterpiece. He calls it their acquisition, because without him, Tracy wouldn’t have known about it. He thinks he should get 50% of the value, but Tracy says it was left to her by her father, and has nothing to do with him. He asks about a finder’s fee, and she says he’s drinking it.

Carly tells Sonny to leave or she’s calling the police. He says from what Michael said, Jax might be uncomfortable with that. Jax says he’s not proud of what he did, but doesn’t regret it. Carly says that Sonny would have done the same thing. Sonny says he would, but it’s what came after that’s the problem. Jax left them like sitting ducks for Nelle. Let’s just say it right now – isn’t that what Sonny did? Carly says that Jax had no reason to think Nelle had an ulterior motive, but Sonny did. Sonny says it was hard enough thinking he was responsible for Morgan’s death, but Jax could have avoided the outcome with Nelle. Carly says he’s blaming Jax. Jax made a mistake and should have told her, but the rest is on Sonny, and he’s blaming someone else. She tells Sonny he has to live with it. Dante knocks on the door looking for Sonny. Carly tells Sonny to do everyone a favor and leave with him.

Dante says he was hoping Michael was wrong about Sonny being there. Sonny talks smack about Jax. Jax tells Dante about buying the kidney, saying that he didn’t know Frank would hit up his own daughter for it, but even if he had known, he would have gone through with it. He would have done anything to save Josslyn. Sonny says he was going to use it as leverage, but since Dante is there, it’s time for Jax to pay up, and he’s recorded it. Dante wishes he could ignore it, but he can’t.

Ned thanks Tracy and Monica for the party. Olivia has brought bruschetta. Tracy is like, you brought food to a Quartermaine party? She says Cook will be insulted, thinking hers isn’t good enough. Larry says he’ll present it to Cook. Tracy says good luck, and Monica says they’re a special couple.

Tracy wants to unveil the painting. Monica balks, and Tracy says it could be a Picasso or Manet for all she knows. Monica asks if it is, and Tracy says no, but it’s a precious family heirloom. A smoke alarm goes off. Yeah, I see where this is headed.

Sam is concerned about Alexis being by herself. She says she’s seen Julian break Alexis. Alexis says Julian is her father, but Sam says not to use her for an excuse. Alexis says if Julian was going to hurt her, he would have done it. Jason wants to call Sonny, but Alexis says she’ll take care of it. Sam asks what If he shows up, and Alexis says she’ll cross bridge when she comes to it. Jason tells Sam he has an idea.

Julian hangs out at the docks looking stupid in a hoodie. One obviously not purchased from Zumiez.

The fire alarm continues, and Tracy says it’s Olivia’s fault. Cook probably set a fire in protest. They all leave to check things out, since no one smells smoke. Jason and Sam walk into the house, and the alarm stops. Sam says they need to see Dillon. Jason shows him the picture from the park, and Sam says it’s Julian, alive and well.

Julian looks at the picture he swiped from the album – he and Alexis in a red carpet moment. He flashes back to when they last got married.

Sonny asks Michael if he sent Dante over. Michael says that he didn’t want Sonny to do anything he’d regret. Sonny says they’re all adults who have to live with the consequences of their actions, even Jax. Michael asks what he did.

Dante says as much as he agrees with Jax’s motives, he has to arrest him. Josslyn walks in, and asks what Dante is doing to her father.

Sonny tells Michael that he confronted Jax. He admits he would have done the same thing in Jax’s place, but the difference is, he would have said something. Instead, Jax went back to Australia. No comment. Michael says that Jax didn’t perceive her as a threat. Sonny tells him not to make excuses. He tells Michael about getting the recording and giving it to Dante. Michael asks if he’s out of his mind.

Carly tells Josslyn that her dad is going to be fine. Dante says he won’t cuff him, but he has to come in. Josslyn asks if he’s under arrest, and Dante lets Jax talk to her. Jax tells her that he’s the one who arranged for her to get Nelle’s kidney. They weren’t sure if she was going to make it, so he did something illegal. He offered Nelle’s father money to help find a donor, and it’s his fault she came to town looking for revenge. Josslyn says because of him, she’s alive.

Julian meets a guy with tattoos on the docks who says it’s all arranged.

Dillon brings down his laptop and they look at photos from the park. They see another one where Julian is giving an envelope to a guy. Sam says the tattoo seems familiar, and remembers Hooper who has boats for hire, usually for illegal purposes.

Alexis wanders around the docks because that’s the place to be in Port Charles. She flashes back to the aftermath of the wedding, and Julian saying he loves her.

Dante says they have to go. Jax tells Josslyn it will be fine. He says he broke the law and told himself if it ever came out, he wouldn’t run. He tells Carly he’s sorry. She tells him he has nothing to apologize for, and thanks him for saving Josslyn’s life. Josslyn tells Dante that he knows it’s not right. Carly says she knows Josslyn is hurting, but her father has to go with Dante. Jax tells her not to be scared. He leaves with Dante.

Sonny tells Michael that he doubts it will go to trial. If Jax spends two days in jail, he’ll be surprised. Michael asks what if he’s wrong. and he send Josslyn’s father to prison for saving her life? I see we now have idiot Sonny totally back again.

Dillon gives Jason a printout the picture. He tells Kiki it’s just another night in Port Charles. Not yet if they haven’t been to the docks. He asks if she wants a drink, and she says she’d like several. Larry asks where everyone has been. Tracy explains about the fire alarm, but he says he was out walking the grounds and didn’t hear it. Ned asks about Cook, and Larry says she wants Olivia’s recipe. Monica toasts to Olivia joining the family. She says Olivia is going to breathe new life into the house, and make it into a home again. Tracy is snarky, and Monica says she got the same treatment. Tracy says to be fair, Monica did sleep with her husband’s nephew. Everyone is like, eww! and Monica asks if they can focus on the here and now. She asks if Ned and Olivia would like the west wing. If not, Tracy can move out of the east wing. Tracy protests, and Monica reminds her that the deed is in her name. Tracy says there’s something she’d like to do with the deed, and Monica suggests it’s the same thing she wants to do with the easel.

Alexis lingers at the docks. She remembers Julian holding a knife to her throat. Julian appears. For real.  I think.

Josslyn asks Carly what’s going to happen, and Carly explains. She says that Jax’s lawyer will make arrangements for bail. Josslyn asks why Dante was there, and Carly says Michael called him, but it’s complicated. She says she and Sonny have been fighting, and sometimes when Sonny gets angry, he doesn’t make the best decisions. She’s sorry she let everything get out of control, but Josslyn says not to apologize for Sonny. She hopes Carly sees the truth and never goes back to him.

Michael thought Dante could get through to Sonny, but didn’t think Sonny would have Jax arrested. He says he doesn’t care what Jax did, Sonny should have covered for him. He reminds Sonny about all the times Carly covered for him, and he committed crimes; he didn’t save a life. He chose the wrong way to hurt them. He tells Sonny that he’d better pray he can clean it up, because if Jax goes to prison, no one is going to forgive him. The cheese Sonny stands alone yet again.

Jax is sorry that Dante got dragged in. Dante wonders where the justice is. Jax crossed the line to save his daughter’s life, and he understands, but the line exists for a reason. Jax realizes that if it didn’t, the poor people would be at a disadvantage. He says that those are the questions he asks himself. Did his actions keep another child from being saved? Probably not. I doubt Frank would have just decided to sell Nelle’s kidney all on his own.

Tracy asks what the painting has done to Monica, and Monica says it’s the owner. Ned and Dillon think it has something to do with Luke. Monica says the only time Tracy was really happy was with him. Tracy points out that Laura is sitting there, but Laura says she and Luke are ancient history. Tracy suggests changing the subject, and says she’s happy for Ned and Olivia. Her son is happy, and it’s all a parent wants for their children. She thanks Olivia. Olivia says she’s honored to be joining the family, and Tracy says, perfect segue.

Tracy tells everyone that she took a journey with a dear friend and found a treasure – a letter from her father that spoke of his love for her. Monica says it must have meant a lot. Tracy tells her that it did, and he left her something else as a tangible expression of his devotion to her. He wanted her to have a portrait, passed down through ages, that bears an uncanny resemblance to her. She lifts the cover off of the portrait, and in its place is a clown painting on velvet. Like we didn’t see that coming.

Sam and Jason go to the docks. Jason says there’s no sign of anything, and Sam suggests that Julian is halfway to Canada by now. She sees Alexis’s scarf on the ground and picks it up.

Tomorrow, Larry has the painting (no surprise), the crying girl from the monastery is looking for Tracy, and Julian and Alexis get busy.

Southern Charm

I might not like Cameran (our narrator) all that much, but I sure do like her gigantic earrings.

At the Ravenel Construction Group, we see Thomas actually doing some work. Cameran is at the gym with Chelsea. She says that she lives off of gas station food, and wants to take charge of her health. She tells Chelsea that she heard she and Shep had an overnight. Chelsea says they didn’t get nakey, but Cameran has hope. She tells Chelsea to make him work for it, and Chelsea says right now, things are just PG.

Landon (blech!) meets Craig for lunch. Craig is doing media inserts for a charity that his girlfriend got him involved with. His goal is to be a philanthropist and not have to work anymore. Good luck with that. Or as they say in the South, bless your heart. Naomie calls, and asks if he’s finished everything. She’s picking up donations, and headed to Shep’s place. Craig tells Landon that Shep is going out of town for a wedding, and can’t make it to the upcoming polo match.

Shep gives Naomie his donation. The fundraiser is for the people of Haiti, and Shep wonders if Craig even knows where that is.

He knows where the good shrimp are though. His lunch looks fantastic.

Naomie asks Shep what happened at Landon’s website launch. He says he hoped he gave her constructive criticism. Naomie asks if he made her cry. Shep tells her that sometimes Landon gets ahead of herself and needs to be knocked down a peg. I thought he was very diplomatic and gave her good advice.

Craig tells Landon it wasn’t Shep’s place to tell her that stuff, and Landon thinks he was being a bully. Craig says when Shep lectured him, he felt like he was on the playground in sixth grade. He was definitely harsher with Craig, but even though I didn’t entirely agree with what he said, I thought it was out of concern.

Naomie says part of her is like, f-u to Shep, but in his interview, Shep says friendship means sometimes telling someone what they don’t want to hear. Probably the other part of Naomie knows that’s true. Shep asks what he should do, just let his friends get more delusional?

Whitney exercises pug Chauncey, while Patricia packs a suitcase without Michael, who’s on vacation. She says you can never be undereducated or underdressed according to Oscar Wilde. Whitney tells her that he’ll hold down the fort. He tells Patricia that Chauncey needs Jenny Craig, and she wonders if she should invent Spanx for dogs.

Kathryn has an appointment with a modeling scout. She’s modeled in the past, and wants to get back in the game. The scout asks for pictures, but Kathryn says she needs to update her portfolio. Using her tablet, she shows the scout a bunch of photos from back in the day. She says Kathryn is older now, and will be in a different bracket. She needs new photos, and the scout encourages her to get in the best shape that she can. She also suggests Kathryn doing a shoot with her children, because agencies are looking for the family thing. In her interview, Kathryn says this is the ultimate punch in the gut, since she can’t even see the kids right now.

Thomas practices saluting Landon in the mirror. In his interview, he says had he pursued someone more mature than Kathryn, his life might be different. He hopes it isn’t too late. Landon arrives, and Thomas makes drinks. Landon says she hasn’t been at his house since the night he kicked them all out. We flash back to that. Best. Night. Ever. Thomas suggests sitting on the porch.

Landon says it was good to hear from him. Thomas tells her that he wants to do an event at the plantation, and he’d like her input. He also wants to catch up. She says with the rumor mill churning, she didn’t even want to be around him in public. She thinks the dust has settled now, and they can be friends and do things together again. In her interview, she says the only thing she’s after is companionship. She asks about Kathryn, and Thomas says she passed her drug test so she can have supervised visits. He says what he does with his personal life is none of her business. In his interview, he says he’d like to have a stepmother for his children. He tells Landon that he’s looking for a woman with a pleasant personality, and says she has no problem in that department. She laughs like a hyena. Thomas clearly has a different definition of pleasant than I do.

Naomie tells Craig that he’d do better in life if he got things done ahead of time. He tells her that he works better under stress – a favorite excuse of procrastinators – and not to take it personally. In his interview, he says he’s able to reason worry out of his brain, so he doesn’t get stressed. Oh brother. Although he’ll probably live longer than most of us. In the car, Naomie tells him about her conversation with Shep, and that she felt they behaved like adults, and understood where the other one was coming from. Craig says Shep is manipulative, like an abusive husband. He doesn’t think Shep making Landon cry was acceptable either. He says Shep is out of control. Huh?

The guys meet at a bar. They run into Thomas’s neighbor, who Shep has also hooked up with. Thomas says there’s a lot of cross-pollination in Charleston. She and Thomas are also cousins. And Thomas is also related to Shep. Now it’s getting creepy. Shep apologizes for not being able to make the polo match. He asks who’s planning it, and Thomas tells him Landon is, since she’s good at planning parties. Thomas thinks Shep is in love with her, and Shep nearly chokes. He says he’s forgotten more than Thomas has gotten, and is definitely not looking for a relationship.

They move on to another bar, where a female patron is having her 21st birthday party. Shep and Austen chat with her. Both Daisy and Whitney show up, and another girl named Bree, who just broke up with her boyfriend. In his interview, Austen says that he’s open to finding the right girl, but Shep, not so much. Bree takes Daisy to find some “real men” at the bar. I’m not sure what she means, but she’s flirting with Thomas. Did she mean old guys? From a distance, it looks like Thomas blows her off, and Whitney is like, wise choice.

Naomie and Craig get last minute preparations together for the fundraiser. Craig unrolls the background for the entrance. Naomie is in a really cute bathrobe with animal ears on the hood. Craig is digging around for a laptop mouse, and Naomi has to jet. Hey, there’s the cat. Maybe he can help Craig find the mouse. I had to.

Cameran, in another pair of incredible, HUGE earrings, visits Whitney. Whitney tries to get the dogs under control, and in her interview, she says when Michael is away, everyone has to fend for themselves, and it’s crazy. She tells Whitney that he’s like Kevin from Home Alone. Thomas calls. Whitney asks what was up with Daisy. Thomas says he doesn’t know, but he has to find a real woman. Cameran and Whitney agree. Cameran asks if he’s coming to Naomie’s fundraiser, but he doesn’t want any clashes with Kathryn. Whitney hangs up, and Cameran says Thomas has seen the light, and is on an upward projectory. I’m not even sure that’s a word.

Whatever Craig needs to print isn’t happening, and it’s 45 minutes until the fundraiser. It’s something for the silent auction, and Naomie is getting pretty nervous. Craig works on his hairdo, and talks to the cat.

Craig gets to the bar, and tells Naomie everything is fine. She looks through the bags, and says they’re missing some sheets, and she wants him to get them printed now. He complains that he’s the one getting screwed, and Naomie tells him he’s screwing himself, and not to blame other people. Yep. She looks at him like a fixer-upper, and that’s never a good idea.

Naomie has to hand write some things, which annoys her. In her interview, she says they have different planning styles. That’s one way to put it. She says everything always works out because there’s always someone to pick up the slack. She tells Craig that they’re cool.

Naomi’s parents are French, so the three of them throw shade at Craig in their native language. Her mother tells her all men are the same. Ha-ha! Everyone is drinking and having a good time. Landon’s friend tells her that she’s glad Shep isn’t there, since he made Landon cry. Landon says she doesn’t think he even has a real job. This is so stupid. It’s not even like she did cry over it. She didn’t listen to one thing he said, got mad, and stormed out. Everyone must tiptoe around this girl.

Whitney tells Cameran that Shep and Chelsea hooked up, claiming that Shep told him. Cameran isn’t too sure if Whitney is telling her the truth, since he’s a sick freak. She tells Chelsea what Whitney said, and Chelsea says Cameran knows she’d tell her. Whitney calls Shep, who denies saying anything of the sort. Whitney tells Cameran she looks hammered. Cameran thinks it’s time to go home.

Naomie talks to a friend of Craig’s from school who’s practicing law now. He says from the internet, it looks like Craig is a great gardener. Craig joins them, and says he thinks they went past their goal. He and Naomie love each other again.

Chelsea talks to Austen about his love life. She asks what he’s looking for in a woman, and he flirts, describing her. He asks for her number.

Next time, the polo match happens, Chelsea goes out with Austen, and Thomas won’t let Kathryn see the kids.

Vanderpump Rules – Reunion Part Three

Andy grills Stassi about her dating life, and she says she feels like a loser. Andy thought things with Peter might get rekindled after their kiss. They talk about the bachelor/ bachelorette weekend in NOLA. Katie says she’d wanted harmony, but was under too much stress. Schwartz says the angst about Tom and Ariana was a surface trigger. Tom says blah-blah-blah, and Katie says the only one she’d take relationship advice from in this room is Lisa. Good choice.

We revisit Jax’s apology to Stassi. Stassi says it wasn’t so much the cheating, but how it trickled down to other things. She was thrilled to hear him finally own it. Andy asks Brittany how she felt, and she says it was hard for her to watch, when she wants the same thing from him. Jax says he’s a better person since he met Brittany. Once again, the shoemaker’s kids go barefoot.

Andy asks Schwartz if there was any moment when he wasn’t drinking during the bachelor/bachelorette weekend. Schwartz says he was browned out for 80% of the trip. Jax says he never saw Schwartz so upset, and was afraid Schwartz was going to hurt himself. James points out that this is coming from Jax. We see Schwartz getting emo during the gator watching trip. Ariana says it’s the last thing she expected. Jax is called out for trying to get Schwartz to postpone the wedding. Tom gets all loud, talking about how Katie was running the show all summer, and the girls were all bowing down to her. Somehow this leads to a discussion about who looked the best in drag.

Andy points out how Kristen chose that moment to sit Schwartz down for a talk about the Vegas girl from the past. Kristen says if it hadn’t been for her, they might never have addressed the issue, and I have to agree that she has a point. It really made all the difference, and totally turned everything around. Kristen and Tom get into a heated exchange. Tom talks about how Kristen cornered Schwartz. Stassi talks about waking up to two guys in drag arguing about looking like Sia. Andy talks about the roller-coaster ride of emotion that Schwartz went through, and we see the clip of Tom calling him a battered wife. Andy asks if it ruined his bachelor party, Schwartz says you’d think it would have, and I laugh.

Kristen says no one understood how Katie felt, and Katie concurs that it was devastating. Katie says it was up to her to put the pieces back together along with Schwartz. Schwartz says that he inherited a lot of baggage as well. Lisa thinks it was ridiculous how Jax tried to convince everyone that Schwartz had slept with the past Vegas girl, even though they weren’t there. Schwartz says he didn’t remember, but doubts anything could have happened. Katie says she can move past it, but it took a long time to repair the trust. She pushed a lot of feelings aside that were still there.

Lisa says she had no idea how bad it was until she saw the show, although she knew things weren’t going well. She says she was right in originally turning them down to officiate. It was difficult because she loves them, but she couldn’t give a potential disaster her blessing. We flash back to the arguments between Katie and Schwartz in Vegas. Lisa says they’d lost respect for each other, and she wanted them to understand the seriousness of the commitment. Katie says they didn’t know how to get it back, and Andy says it was amazing to watch the turnaround. Ariana proclaims that they were meant to be together, and she knew it was going to happen. Schwartz says they’re the only original couple left. Andy wonders who’s next to get married.

We discuss the wedding weekend — $51,000 later. Lisa says it wasn’t the way she rolls, but nothing about it was conventional, and it was who they are. We flash back to Schwartz’s surprise of his triplet brothers arriving. He says it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for him, and he was really surprised. It meant a lot to his brothers too.

Andy points out that Katie kept her cool when her dress wasn’t quite fitting, and Katie says it was the only time she second-guessed the Taco Tuesday themed rehearsal dinner. Andy asks if she’s happy to be Mrs. Bubba Schwartz, and she corrects him that it’s Mrs. Bubba Maloney-Schwartz. Andy asks Lisa what was most emotional for her. She says Schwartz’s vows, and we flash back to that. Schwartz says he wrote the vows while the groomsmen were putting their suits on. We flash back to Tom using the dog as a hanky during the ceremony. Andy points out that even Jax got choked up, and Jax says how could you not? Well, I didn’t.

Tom and Ariana’s relationship is discussed. Ariana says he has all the feels, but she tends to retreat when he gets marriage-minded. Schwartz says it was one of the happiest days of his life, and he was happy to share it with everyone.

We move on to James’s DJ career. Andy reads a list of James’s woes, and we flash back to them. Jax was happy to get James thrown out of his gig. Kristen talks smack about James, and he tells her to shut up, telling her she’s irrelevant. She points out that he had a vodka/soda at lunch and he admits he did, but only one. Moving on.

Andy says Shay is going to join them, and Scheana gets a little weird about that. She says the break-up was for the best, but she doesn’t want to see him. During the break, Stassi tells Scheana that they have her back. Five…four…three…

Shay says he’s nervous. He’s living with his parents now, and we flash back to the wedding. He and Scheana haven’t seen each other in four months, and are still waiting for the divorce to be finalized. Andy asks if Scheana was consciously hiding their problems, and she says it was Katie’s wedding, and she didn’t want to bring her business into it. She starts to cry. She accuses Shay of lying to her about buying drugs. He denies it, and Scheana talks about him withdrawing money out of their account. He claims it was for the business, and says she always held the money over his head, since it was mostly hers.

Andy asks what happened when Shay decided not to come home the first time, and why he didn’t communicate. Shay says that Scheana doesn’t listen. Lisa says that even though she didn’t understand it, Scheana worshipped him, and her world revolved around him. Kristen says she saw Scheana trying hard, but it seemed like Shay had given up. Shay says he’d always been working toward something, and his band is going on tour with Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Jax says they’re both good people, but it just didn’t work. Shay looks all wistful. Ariana says she feels like she’s never really heard from him; he just ghosts. She doesn’t hear from him now either. He just gets all teary and looks at the ceiling.

Shay says they grew apart. He quit drinking for a year, but was expected to still go out. Scheana says he said it was fine, and he says later on it got difficult. Andy asks when things went south, and Scheana says that three months in, she found out about the pills. She says she also caught him texting another girl. Tom asks Shay why, and Shay says maybe it was more than friendship, but he found a connection that he didn’t have with Scheana. Both Scheana and Shay say they’re uncomfortable.

Andy asks if there was more than sexting going on, and Scheana says it turned into other issues like a lack of communication. Shay talks about her running to Lisa on camera about his addiction, and not talking to him first. Scheana says he hurt her, and she hurt him back. Shay says he wouldn’t have brought up his addiction issues on the show, and he was forced to tell everyone. He says he’s been labeled now. Scheana says she’s a “home-wrecking whore,” and that you get labeled, and that’s how it is. She’s right. This is what they signed up for. When Scheana talked to Lisa, it was obviously a difficult, spontaneous moment. Scheana says she wouldn’t have divorced him, and stayed in a marriage that wasn’t great. Shay says he went along with everything and wanted to keep trying, but she divorced him on camera. Scheana says that she found out he was buying pills and lying to her again, and she was done.

Evil Andy asks if Scheana having a new boyfriend bothers Shay. Shay thinks it’s quick, but Scheana says he knows him from Instagram, and she’s been friends with him for over ten years. We see pictures. He’s pretty cute, and looks like a grown-up. Andy asks if Shay is seeing anyone, and he says he’s still technically married. Scheana says it’s just a piece of paper at this point. Shay says he’ll always love her and be there for her, but he’s over their relationship. Coming there was something he had to do. It was harder than he thought, but he’s glad he did it. Andy asks if Scheana gets closure from Shay saying he loves her and will be there for her. She says she thinks he’s in his happy place, and she’s in her happy place, so she’s happy for him, but nobody looks very happy. Andy says he hopes they have some peace. Schwartz says that the both of them are happier apart than they would have been together. They say good-by, and wish each other good luck. Shay leaves the magic circle.

In our final moments, Andy commends James on his 18-hour day, sitting next to Jax. That is way too long. I’d read that the Housewives reunions are 12-hours, and I think that’s too much. He asks Lisa about opening the new bar, and asking Tom to be a part of it. Tom says he gets emotional thinking about it, and will someone stop this guy from crying already? We flash back to Schwartz wanting to duck and run when Lisa suggested including him. Schwartz says he didn’t want to tarnish Lisa’s name, and Katie says he doesn’t know his potential. Andy says if they don’t get their act together, it will end up Lala’s Lounge instead of Tom-Tom. Andy shows a clip of Lisa and Stassi booty-bumping at the wedding.

We end with Ken, puppies, Peter, and cocktails. Giggy! Harrison! Schnookie! Peter with Pumptinis! Lisa toasts to everyone, and says she loves them, even though she doesn’t always show it.

🎂 I would love to see French bulldog Tubbers from Sweet Home Oklahoma get his own show. Pumps came to Tubbers’ birthday party dressed like a roaring 20s flapper, because she’d been told it was a costume party. She was the only one who was told that. My karaoke group once had a pajama night, and I was afraid I might be the only one who showed up in them. I wasn’t. The party for Tubbers was a surprise party, although it was hard to say whether he was actually surprised. This show reminds me of Don’t Be Tardy. It’s a lot of fun and not mean-spirited at all. You can’t help but smile while watching it.

🐮 An extra observation. After successfully pulling off this prank, Jennifer said, “If you mess with the bull, you’ll get the horns.” This is the second time I’ve heard that in as many weeks. Shep said it on Southern Charm last week. Is this a thing now?

 

April 11, 2017 – Sonny Sees Jax, No One Gets the Baby, Beverly Hills Reunites & Imposters Bids Adieu

Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Lulu brings Rocco to visit Dante at the station. She’s all ready for her visit with Charlotte. Dante asks what she’s afraid of.

Hayden is having coffee outside of Perks, while Curtis runs the steps. She’s adding an extra kick to her coffee, and offers him a bottle in a paper bag. He accepts, saying he has to stay hydrated. She’s hiding from Finn because she wants to get back together and is scared he’ll say yes.

Finn isn’t doing too well. He’s like forget it, and we see he’s given himself a shot. But it’s a dream.

The hooded figure goes through Alexis’s house. He looks at a photo album. Alexis arrives home.

Carly tells Sonny not now. He asks if she heard him right, and repeats that he wasn’t unfaithful after all. I’m going to say this again. That wasn’t what she was angry about in the first place. Why would this change anything? Another case of the man not listening and/or hearing what he wants to hear.

Alexis goes into the house and sees a light is on. She asks if anyone is there. Kristina walks in, and Alexis almost crowns her with a laptop.

Hayden tells Curtis that she left Finn with a list of rehabs. Curtis says he knows Finn hurt her. He wanted to kill him, but Finn is legit; he’s a good guy, but the detox was rough. Hayden says he called her out on all of her insecurities. Curtis says he was out of his mind. Hayden says if it wasn’t true, it wouldn’t have been in his head, and he doesn’t trust her. Curtis says Finn loves her, but he needs to go to rehab and it’s a long road. She can’t fix it or save him. If she tries, she’ll end up losing herself.

Hayden’s phone rings. It’s Finn. She asks if he’s okay, and he says not really. He wants her to come over. She asks if he’s called a rehab, and he says he needs to see her.

Sonny explains about the recording to Carly. He says a girl who’s cold-hearted enough to set him up, would have recorded the act, but she only recorded the aftermath. He says that Nelle drugged him, and that’s why he blacked out. He says it should have been a clue, since in all his years of drinking, it’s never happened before. Carly asks if he has proof, and he tells her Nelle confessed. He says they can be together now, because he didn’t listen to what the problem really is.

Lulu tells Dante she can’t wait to get to know Charlotte, and that she’s bought Charlotte a bunch of toys. Dante says she seems nervous. Rocco gives Dante some cookies. He tells Rocco they’re the best cookies ever, even though that’s doubtful from the look on his face. When Rocco runs off, Lulu tells Dante about Rocco adding extra salt. Dante tells Lulu that gifts or cookies won’t make Charlotte love her.

Finn tells Hayden he does trust her; that’s why he asked her to help with the detox. She says he didn’t have anyone else. He says he’s ashamed of how he treated her. She tells him that he needs help that she can’t give him, and to please find it. She hangs up. She puts more liquor in her coffee, and Curtis says she did good. She asks why she feels like crap then.

Finn tells Roxie that he blew it. Hayden wants him to go to one of those places. He doesn’t think he can handle 28 days without practicing medicine, Roxie, and Hayden, but if he doesn’t go, he’ll lose Hayden forever.

Kristina doesn’t think a laptop is a very good weapon, and Alexis says she’ll use a fireplace poker next time. Kristina points out that it’s weird, and Alexis is still jumpy. Alexis says it seemed like someone was in the house, and tells her about the light. Kristina says maybe she forgot that she left it on. Alexis tells Kristina about Nathan’s visit, and Kristina says he talked to her too.

Carly wonders why Nelle would confess now. Maybe she’s lying because she likes Michael. Sonny says as soon as she said she drugged him, he knew it was true. No matter how drunk he was, she’s not his type. I guess he’s never heard of beer goggles. Everything after that, is on him. He tells Carly how much he loves her, and asks if this can be over. Carly looks at the wine on the table with the two glasses, and says it can’t.

Alexis says Nathan had no right to question Kristina. Kristina says they just ran into each other, but he was more worried about Alexis than anything else. He thinks she might be withholding information and putting herself in danger. Alexis says she’ll call Jordan, and tell her to make Nathan back off. Kristina asks what she could be hiding at this point.

Finn calls Tracy because he needs a good dose of the truth. He gets voicemail, and apologizes for what he said, calling her the best friend he’s ever had. He tells her that he misses her. He decides to go out for some fresh air.

Hayden thinks that Curtis talking to Finn is a good idea. He needs a friend, and she can’t be one. Curtis has been where Finn is, and can possibly get through to him. Curtis says he can’t convince Finn to go to rehab any more than she can. She gets up, obviously drunk. She tells Curtis they should go shake their booties and dance the night away. He says she’s crazy, but in a good way. She kisses him.

Sonny asks Carly if this is about his ultimatum, and says that he didn’t know where to go. If he’d just said something that morning, they could have worked things out. He knows he’s not easy to live with, and that Nelle shook her faith in him. He says nobody knows him in his core – the ugliness, anger, and brokenness – except her, and she loves him anyway. He needs her to love him, and he loves her. He says they can do this, and asks her to come back. Tears roll down her cheeks, and she says that she’s sorry, but he has to listen. With perfect soap timing, Jax pops out while putting on his shirt.

Dante says Lulu should just be herself. Lulu said she tried that, and Charlotte hates her. She was thinking about her needs instead of Charlotte’s. Dante says the more time Charlotte spends with her, the more she’ll get to know and like her. He tells Lulu to just be present and listen, instead of using bribery. Rocco joins them, and asks if Lulu will love Charlotte more than him.

Sonny tells Carly that didn’t take long. Jax says it’s her business. Sonny asks if it bothers him that he’s a back-up or a side piece. Carly tells him not to be ugly. Sonny says she crucified him for months, for a mistake he didn’t make, and the first chance she gets, she spreads her legs. Oooh! Jax tells him to apologize and leave, and Carly says let him go on. Sonny says Carly can’t last five minutes without a man in her bed, and that makes her a bad wife, but a great whore. Carly smacks him.

Alexis tells Kristina that she’s not hiding anything, but Kristina doesn’t believe her. Alexis says it’s going to sound “out there,” and Kristina says she can handle it. Alexis tells her that she feels like Julian isn’t dead, and it’s something tangible. She hears someone knocking, and there’s no one there; the phone rings, and ditto from a number she doesn’t recognize. She says she knows how Kristina felt about him, but Kristina says she can’t tell Alexis how to feel. She accepts Alexis’s grief, but that doesn’t explain phantom phone calls or knocks on the door. Alexis tells her about the credit card and phone call from the gas station.

Curtis tells Hayden to take it easy. She says there’s an attraction between them, and she’s free now. He says she’s wasted. He likes her a lot; she’s beautiful, smart, and edgy, although she’s sometimes a pita, but they’re friends. He doesn’t want to waste that or take advantage of it. She tells him to make her forget, and kisses him again. Mimicking Jax’s timing, Finn walks out and sees them.

Finn says he thought he’d get some fresh air, and asks what they’re up to. Curtis says it’s not what it looked like. He says Hayden cares about Finn, but he has no one to blame but himself. She’s drunk and reckless because of him. If he doesn’t want to get help, Finn will crash and burn, and take her along with him. He says he’s been there, but Finn is worse off, considering how long he’s been using. He says it hurts to admit you need help when something has control over you. The addiction is controlling him, and he’d better take help or he’ll lose Hayden. Finn says he loves her, and walks away. Hayden starts crying, and Curtis holds her.

Carly tells Sonny that she’s sorry he’s hurt and found out the truth too late, but he doesn’t get to come in her house and name call. He says she wanted the truth, and she lists all the recent lies he’s told her. She says for someone who prides himself on his word, he’s the biggest liar of all. She says it’s never going to be different and he says that’s right, because they’re done. He slams out. Jax asks Carly if she’s okay. She says no, but she will be.

Alexis tells Kristina that she has unresolved feelings for Julian. She wants to believe that what he said in the letter is true, and she never got a chance to talk to him about it. Kristina says she had a huge loss and serious trauma; it’s going to take time to recover. Alexis thanks her for talking her down. Kristina suggests she stick around, and maybe spend the night. She finds the photo album on the floor. Alexis says she’s sure she’d put it away, and Kristina says it was open as though someone was just looking at it.

Dante tells Rocco that they love him more than ever, and Lulu says he’s everything. They’re just excited about him getting a sister. Dante says no parent likes any one kid better than another – it’s the law. Lulu says they love them both. Rocco asks if that means Charlotte’s dad loves her too. Dante says he does, but a judge needs to sort things out. He asks if Charlotte is going to live with them, and Lulu says for now, they’ll just visit with her. Group hug.

Curtis gives Hayden some water. She apologizes. Curtis says his ego can always use a boost. She asks what’s wrong with her, and he says only small stuff. She’ll bounce back with or without Finn; she’s too stubborn not to. She wonders if what Curtis said made a difference, and if Finn is further on road to recovery or worse off.

Finn meets with a cliché-looking drug dealer. Actually, he’s a cliché-looking drug dealer who also looks like he stepped out of the 1960s.

Carly looks for some legal contact information. She tells Jax that Sonny is going to lash out, and she’s not going to let him trample over her. She has nothing to feel guilty about. Jax asks if she is feeling guilty, but she says no. They shared something special about them. She says she should feel guilty because she gave up too soon – at least Sonny thinks she did. She says she fought for as hard and as long as she could, but she’s done.

Alexis says she was showing Diane some old photos. Kristina goes down Memory Lane, and Alexis says it was nice while it lasted. She says she’s tired, and Kristina asks if she wants her to stay over, but Alexis says she’s fine and don’t worry. She isn’t going to put herself in any danger, just to bed. Kristina leaves.

Alexis looks at the photo album. She discovers that pictures are missing.

Tomorrow, Nina asks Valentin if he’s hiding something, Brad gets good news, and a dead body is found.

If Loving You is Wrong

Alex tells the judge to check the birth certificate. He asks who Brad is. Randal insists he’s the father, and the judge asks if he’s taken a paternity test. He’s annoyed that Randal is wasting his time. He says it’s obvious neither one of them is a fit parent. He’s going to order that the baby be placed in foster care. Until paternity is established, neither one of them is going to see the baby. He kicks everyone out of his office.

Randal follows Alex and blocks her way. He tells her she can’t stop him from getting his son, and she says she just did. She hates the day she met him, and he says that makes two of them. He does that creepy smile, and says he has the upper hand. He’s going to the police to tell them that she set him up. He says her mother told him, so that’s proof. Alex says big deal; she’s dead. He continues being all weird, and talks about her parents getting killed. He says her parents were evil people, and he sees it in her. She smacks him and he laughs. Omg, I hate this guy. He asks when the funeral is being held, and if there’s a hillbilly fund in a mason jar for it. He tells her that she has nothing anymore, not even her baby boy. She asks him to hold her purse. Oh, okay, she starts yelling that he tried to rob her. He throws the purse back, and a taxi comes out of nowhere and picks her up.

Someone named Diane knocks on Kelly’s door. It’s her ex’s mother. She looks around, and says it’s a nice house. She asks if her son’s money bought it, but Kelly doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Diane asks why he’s in jail for fraud then. Kelly asks why Diane is there, and Diane says for her son; he needs a place to stay. She says Kelly owes him. Kelly doesn’t think it’s a good idea for him to stay there because of Justice. Diane finds his name ironic when his father didn’t get any in taking the fall for her. Kelly apologizes, and Diane says she’s not that sorry, since she’s free. She insists on Kelly helping him get back on his feet. Kelly says that’s not going to happen. Diane tells her not to make her show how far she’ll go when she’s been wronged. Kelly says she’s just looking out for her son, and Diane says watch her look out for hers.

Lushion talks to Lamont about Andrew. There’s been no trace of him. Pete calls. He’s getting sprung from the hospital soon, and going into protective custody. Pete isn’t thrilled, but Lushion says it’s for his own good. Pete says Eddie isn’t God and couldn’t even find him under an alias. He tells Lushion that he’ll keep in touch. Someone has to know where he is, and he trusts Lushion.

Randal stomps into the station. Lushion asks why he’s there, and he says to make a complaint. He’s supposed to talk to Rick, and asks if Rick is a good guy. Lushion says he is, and asks why Randal dropped the lawsuit against Eddie. Randal says he moved on to something better. Lushion says Eddie told him that he saved Randal’s life, but Randal says if the other guy hadn’t shown up, he’d be dead. Lushion asks if he saw another officer there, and shows him Andrew’s picture. Randal says he was a little busy, so no. Lushion asks if there was a shootout before they arrived, and Randal tells him that only Alex had a gun, and was holding it to his head. He claims she set everything up. He explains that the FBI told him to talk to Rick. Lushion asks if he’s sure he wants to go through with this. Randal says that’s Lushion’s problem; he wants to let Alex and Eddie go. Lushion tells Randal to leave Alex alone, but Randal insists that he did nothing and she tried to have him killed. He does the creepy smile thing, and says he’s letting nothing go. Lushion says it’s just going to get worse, and Randal says that’s his plan. Rick comes by, and Lushion introduces them.

Randal sits at Rick’s desk. Lushion tells Rick to take what he says with a grain of salt. He asks how bad the house is, and Rick says he needs a crew. Lushion asks if there are any leads, and Rick tells him they got DNA and hair from the house. Lushion wonders if they’re looking at someone, but Rick can’t say.

Eddie comes in the breakroom to bug Esperanza. He tells her internal affairs is driving him crazy. That’s a short putt. BA-DUM-CHH! She wishes she could burn some sense into his ass. She asks why he was in the office, and Eddie tells her to ask Alex. He says they’re trying to figure out what happened. He says Alex called her parents and had them kidnap Randal, and the DA is trying to find out about her. They see a news item about Andrew going missing. Esperanza says that should be of interest to him.

Lushion gets a crew out to clean the house. It says cleaning service on the van, but that’s not how it works. There’s a van that actually says “crime scene” on it that cleans up crime scenes. Not a regular cleaning service. I know this because, unfortunately, I lived next door to someone who committed suicide.

Lushion sees Brad parked in the driveway of Alex’s house. Brad says her car isn’t there, and Lushion says she totaled it. Brad asks if she’s okay, and Lushion tells him to ask her. He asks if Brad is all right. Brad says he’s fine, and asks what Lushion is doing there. Lushion explains they’re moving in, and gives Brad props for rescuing the baby. Brad says he did what he had to. Lushion calls him humble, and repeats that he should talk to Alex. He says the one thing he can’t do is protect his heart from her. Lushion says he has a lot of heart left, and he can fix it. Brad says he doesn’t want to, and Lushion asks why he’s there then. Brad doesn’t know, and Lushion says he has nothing to lose. A delivery truck comes. and Lushion has to run. Lushion tells the driver he has to come back. He needs a few more hours.

Natalie sits by Joey’s bedside at the hospital. Kelly comes in with flowers. Kelly asks how he’s feeling and he says like he got shot. She tells him that she brought flowers, and he says he’s not dead. Natalie tells her not to pay him any mind. She can tell something is up with Kelly, and Joey tells them to take it outside.

In the hallway, Natalie asks what’s going on. Kelly tells her about Ramsey. Natalie is shocked and sorry. Kelly says they’re looking for suspects. She says she hardly knew him, but Natalie says that doesn’t make it any less sad. She knows there’s something else, and tells Kelly to spill it. Kelly asks if a man has ever been abusive to Natalie, and tells her about Travis. She says he’s like a different person, and she doesn’t know what to do. Natalie suggests shooting him in his ass. Just pull the trigger one good time; she doesn’t even have to mess up her hair. She tells Kelly to get a gun. Kelly says she has a meeting to get a restraining order. Natalie says that’s good, but a gun will restrain him too. She’ll call her girl Michelle, and she’ll help Kelly. Kelly wants to focus on the restraining order. Natalie says she told her.

Alex looks at a family photo and cries. She’s cleaning the house, because when in doubt, scrub something. Esperanza knocks on the door. She says she called, but Alex says sorry, she needed time alone. Esperanza says she heard what happened and she’s sorry. She asks if Alex needs help with the funeral, but Alex says let the county deal with it. Esperanza thinks she’s being harsh, but Alex says they don’t deserve any dignity. She wants Esperanza to drop it.

Alex asks why she’s there, and Esperanza says she was checking on her. Alex says she’s fine and not to tell her she isn’t. Esperanza asks how the baby is, and Alex says the doctor says he’s fine. She tells Esperanza he’s been put into foster care, even though she had nothing to do with it. Esperanza thinks she called her parents to help her to get rid of Randal. Alex asks if she’s there to aggravate her, and Esperanza says she’s there to help. She knows that Alex went to see them. She shows Alex some phone records and pictures. Alex asks if she’s an investigator. Esperanza says she’s trying to get ahead of Alex being charged as an accessory to murder.

Esperanza says she can get in a lot of trouble. She tells Alex to drop the attitude, and asks if she never wants to see her kids again. She says that Alex has to come up with an air-tight excuse before someone comes around. She says protests have already started, and things can get ugly fast. Her father was part of an anti-government militia. She needs to come up with a good story; she can’t negate seeing her parents. She should say that she was trying to prevent Randal from harm, and not deviate from the story, no matter what. She tells Alex she was never there. Alex thanks her ,and they hug. (I guess Esperanza doesn’t realize Lushion is two houses away?)

Alex wipes her tears away.

Kelly can’t get in to see the attorney because he had an emergency. She asks if there’s someone else they can recommend; she can only come on her lunch break and needs to file the restraining order. She says it’s urgent, and the secretary says she’ll phone in the morning. Totally unrealistic, since I’m sure they would steer her to someone else. She has to get to Justice’s game, and asks for security to walk her to her car. She calls Justice, but he says the other team had to forfeit, so the game was canceled. He tells her that Travis is giving him a ride home. Kelly stares in silence at the phone.

Next time, Diane comes to Kelly’s office, Louise suggests that Alex could have cheated on Randal, and Lushion talks to Alex.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – The Reunion, Part One

Kyle gives Dorit the skinny on reunions. Along with her gorgeous German Shepherd. Dorit realizes she’ll have to put her big girl panties on. To change it up a little, we get pre-reunion observations from the women in their home settings. We also get mini flash forwards. Next is the getting ready. LisaV tells Andy not to be mean.

And so we begin. Hmm…I’m not crazy about Eileen’s outfit. The outfits as a whole aren’t that dazzling, except for LisaV, Dorit and Erika. LisaR and Erika are wearing the same shoes, and Lisa informs us that she’s not wearing underwear. Andy talks about people on social media calling Dorit “Doritos,” and she says with a name like hers, she’s used to it. Everyone talks about how their names have been made fun of. Andy asks Erika about being chosen for Dancing with the Stars, which at this point, hadn’t started filming yet. LisaR says it’s about pacing yourself, and thinks Erika can go all the way. She has the same dance partner that LisaV did, and they joke about that.

We jump right in, with Andy talking about how Dorit called Erika “cold.” We flash back to various interactions between the two of them. I just know it’s coming – Pantygate. We end up with the Hong Kong dinner where Erika lost it. The T-shirt dress is discussed. Oh, for God’s sake. A fan thinks Dorit wanted to pick a fight with Erika from day one, but Dorit says they got off on the wrong foot, and it wasn’t her intention. The first Pantygate mention is dropped, and Dorit says it was meant to be playful. Erika says there’s a bit of truth in all kidding, and that’s how you get away with sh*t. I tend to agree, but the reactions to that went way overboard and for way too long.

Dorit says you can’t live a life walking on eggshells. Andy asks LisaV if Erika is being fair in saying Dorit talks sh*t, and Lisa says in all fairness, Dorit does talk a lot. Andy asks Eileen about Erika’s reaction to her saying that it’s not like Dorit killed her child, and Eileen says she didn’t feel personally attacked. She realized something else was going on. Erika says she didn’t want to break down like that, but it is something she thinks about occasionally, with her son being a police officer. We find out that Erika leant Eileen her glam squad as a peace offering. LisaR says meltdowns happen, and Kyle says it was like someone took over Erika’s body. They agree they all felt bad for Eileen.

Andy asks Erika about being the mom of a police officer. She says you know anything is possible. She doesn’t want to make a big deal about it, but she does get scared. He lives with her, and only when he pulls up after work, can she relax. She says he gets ribbed at work about the show. They talk about her sensitivity, and how she reveals herself slowly. Kyle says being sensitive can make you extra guarded. They discuss Erika’s trip home, and when her mother apologized for being hard on her as a child. We see a part of their conversation we hadn’t seen before. LisaV asks if Erika went the opposite in raising her son. Lisa says her parents weren’t demonstrative, so she lavished affection on her children. Erika says that her mother was loving, but made her grow up quickly. She talks about still giving her son hugs and kisses, and how much he hates it.

Andy says that LisaV, LisaR, and Eileen tried to co-exist, but it didn’t always turn out well. What a stupid choice of words. We flash back to some of their interactions. Part of the problem with these reunions is that they bring back old stuff people have gotten past, they relive the moment, and get pissed off all over again. Eileen says she was right about LisaV not being so nice. They talk about the Yulan documentary. Eileen says she wanted to bridge the gap by going with Lisa to watch it, and Lisa says there was a connection. Andy asks if it brings LisaV joy to see LisaR in the hot seat, and she says Andy likes it more. Nice return. Kyle thinks she does a little. LisaV says she likes a lot about LisaR, although sometimes she wants to strangle her. LisaR says that she’d thought they were cool when she was invited on the Hong Kong trip, and LisaV says a lot of things came up in Hong Kong. We flash back to LisaR being an idiot at the dinner. LisaR says they had a powerful moment, and they start talking about a mutual friend who passed away. Andy says he feels like they’re on the path to good things. He’s a regular Papa Hemingway tonight.

We move on to Dorit’s accent, and flash back to some Dorit moments. Andy asks why Boy George lives with them. She says she has a big house and extra room, and he lands there between gigs. (At one time, PK was his manager.) They talk about the flack she’s gotten for her parenting, and how many domestic helpers she has. Kyle says she never had s nanny, but it depends on the parent’s working life, so she’d never judge anyone. Dorit speaks Hebrew, Italian, Spanish and English fluently, and somehow, we go back to the accent thing. LisaR has to be shown the video to be reminded she called Dorit’s accent fake. Andy tries to stir the pot, but it doesn’t happen.

PK is going to join them. Andy asks how Dorit feels. She hopes the women don’t attack him, and that he gets to have his say. Andy asks how Erika feels, and she says it’s not her show. Alrighty then.

We get a glimpse of the Beverly Hills lifestyle, and flash back to various shopping trips, vacations, parties, and purchases. Andy asks if any of them will wear tonight’s outfits again, but most of them say no. Kyle has a section of her closet devoted to scary moments on the show. Andy suggests a clothing museum. We revisit Dorit’s $230,000 Bentley. They talk expensive cars for a while. We find out that Erika’s glam squad flies business class. Well, unless they’re on the private jet.

We see a little of PK behind the scenes. Dorit tells him to just be himself. Andy asks how he feels, and he says a bit nervous. We find out his name is Paul. Andy asks how he got so rich, and he says he started richer in real estate. Andy asks if his nosiness is natural or is he getting involved where he doesn’t belong, and he says maybe 50/50. And here it comes…

We flash back to the source of Pantygate, and see clips from its formation. Andy stupidly asks why it makes Erika uncomfortable, and she says the whole thing is embarrassing. Dorit has to insist once again that she didn’t think Erika did it on purpose, because for some reason, Erika is deaf to those words. Dorit says it was like saying don’t talk about a pink elephant in the room, and Andy – once again the soul of eloquence – asks if she’s comparing Erika’s who-ha to a pink elephant. Kyle says Erika was asked if she was wearing underwear, and didn’t volunteer the information. Well, really she did. Kinda. Erika says it’s gone on too long. PK says it wasn’t like he sat there and stared. LisaV says she didn’t think it would be such a big deal, since Erika wears a c-word necklace. Erika says that’s different than being told that you’re doing something like that on purpose. Because again she can’t hear that no one ever said that. If they had, we’d have seen the video ten times already. PK tells Erika not to call his wife a nasty person, and she says she’s not. She’s calling PK a nasty person for what he said.

Next time, round part two, LisaR again asks if people were doing coke at Dorit’s dinner party, Kim joins the group and tells Eden not to take her inventory, Erika tells Dorit to get the f out of here, and LisaR walks out.

🎭 Tonight, was the Imposters finale. If you haven’t been watching, I highly suggest you marathon this on On Demand. It’s fun and flirty, with a plot of twists and turns. In the final episode of the season, we got a glimpse of Maddie’s past and saw her first con. At the end, almost every character got conned as well, and Uma Thurman made a brief appearance. While there was promise of more intrigue to come, to date, Imposters hasn’t been renewed or canceled. I’m hoping for a second season. This show is like a breath of fresh air.

🚤 Below Deck Mediterranean starts Tuesday, May 2nd at 9 pm, and will have female captain this season. Although I’m looking forward to the new shows, I’ll miss Captain Lee.

April 10, 2017 – Jake Adds to the Timeline, Landon Follows Through, the SUR Reunion Continues & Some Random TV Thoughts

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Alexis comes home asking if anybody’s there, and then wonders why she said that, since she’s the only one living there. There’s a knock at the door. It’s the PCPD, particularly Nathan. Alexis invites him in. She asks if it’s about Julian.

Sam is trying to find out who used Julian’s credit card. The doorbell rings, waking Scout. It’s Elizabeth. Because in Port Charles, no one ever calls first. She wants to talk to Jason about Jake.

Franco asks Jake why he’s not at home. He tells Franco that nobody knows he’s gone; the babysitter was busy texting, and the other kids were asleep. Franco says that Jake’s mother is going to flip out. Jake wants to know why Franco doesn’t want to be his friend anymore.

Kristina runs into Michael at Perks. She can’t believe it’s been a year since she lived in PC. Neither can I – it’s like she never left. She asks what’s up, and he says while she was studying, their family imploded – again.

Sonny says Nelle made him think that Jax slept with Carly, then he was drinking and blacked out. Nelle tells him that she drugged him.

Jax asks Carly what they’re doing, and she says trying to feel better. He said they made this mistake last time, but she says it’s not a mistake and she doesn’t want to stop. She leads him to the bedroom.

Alexis asks Nathan if Julian washed up on shore. He says it’s nothing definitive, but someone used Julian’s credit card to buy a bus ticket to LA. Alexis says she doesn’t know anything about his credit cards, since they always kept those things separate. Nathan asks if she has any reason to believe he’s alive.

Elizabeth tells Jason that Jake is fine. She just wanted to tell him about a follow-up session that she scheduled. She says she’s been thinking about how Andre said they need to be on the same page for Jake to open up. Sam asks if there’s anything she can do to help, since Jake is her stepson. Elizabeth says her involvement might be confusing to Jake. He adores Franco, but Franco isn’t allowed to be part of the equation. Why is Sam?

Franco tells Jake that he’ll always be his friend. Jake asks why he stopped coming by, and if he’s mad at Elizabeth. Franco says he doesn’t want Jake to get in trouble for sneaking out, and has to take him home before Elizabeth finds out and has a meltdown. Jake says the studio is cool and he never wants to leave.

Michael tells Kristina that someone came between Carly and Sonny. Kristina thinks it’s Jax, but Michael says no. He tells her that Carly isn’t the one who cheated. He explains how Sonny got drunk on Thanksgiving and slept with Nelle. Kristina is shocked. Michael says there were extenuating circumstances, but Kristina is having a hard time believing it. Michael says it was terrible, but Nelle was hurting too. Kristina asks why he’s defending her.

Sonny is stunned. Nelle says he assumed the worst, and she didn’t disagree. When she made his drink, she slipped a sleeping pill in. He passed out cold upstairs, and she got in the bed with him. She says she pretended to be upset afterward. He says he underestimated her. He thought she was only making something bad even worse by taking advantage of him, but she went beyond that, making him feel guilty for what he didn’t do. She tore everything apart over a lie. He says there’s something wrong with her. Well, yeah, I thought all that was explained already.

Jax and Carly kiss their way into the bedroom. There’s a song part and they get busy. I get busy too, doing some quick chores.

Alexis thinks someone must have stolen Julian’s wallet. He wouldn’t travel by bus or even fly coach. Nathan asks if he would temporarily lower his standards. Alexis says she thinks he had money stashed away, and wouldn’t use a credit card if he was on the run. She tells Nathan that she’s tired, and they agree to let each other know if there’s anything new. Nice earrings, Alexis! As soon as Nathan is gone, Alexis grabs her coat and leaves.

Jason tells Elizabeth that there’s a massive difference between Sam and Franco. Elizabeth agrees, saying that Franco did a lot of art therapy with Jake, and if he’s going to open up to anyone, it’s Franco. Franco calls and tells them about Jake showing up. Jason says he’ll be right there. Elizabeth wonders how Jake got there. She says she doesn’t want Jason getting into it with Franco, and says she’ll drive. Jason promises Sam that he’ll control himself.

Michael tells Kristina that he’s not making excuses for Nelle. He says she took advantage of them at their most vulnerable. He tells Kristina about Nelle’s new job with Valentin, but says what matters is their parents. Kristina doesn’t think Carly should be so judgey, but Michael says that Sonny is just as bad. He thinks Sonny can fix it if he’ll wait. Kristina says the only way that’s going to happen is if he talks Sonny into it. Michael doesn’t want to play referee, but she says as the big brother, he has to step in.

Um…too late. Carly and Jax bask in the afterglow. Jax asks if it was wrong or very right, and Carly kisses him.

Nelle tells Sonny that there’s nothing left to say except that she was so wrong. She can’t change things. Sonny says she kept building on the lie and milking it, while he and Carly grieved and tried to hang on to what was left with their marriage. He goes over everything that Nelle did. He asks why the confession now; she’s in the wrong place for absolution. She asks why it matters then. He asks what’s in it for her, and she says that she doesn’t want it weighing on her. He says that after everything she did, she wants him to believe it was just guilty conscience? He doesn’t buy it. Michael walks in and asks what he doesn’t buy.

Carly tells Jax why complicate things? He thinks some context might be appropriate. She says they needed it. He says she always has a purpose, and she says it felt good to laugh again. He says they have nothing to do for a few hours, so…

Alexis goes to Sam’s place. She tells Sam about Nathan’s visit, and asks if that’s why Sam wanted her to stay at the spa. Sam says she didn’t want to worry Alexis, but Alexis says Sam can’t protect her from the world. Sam tells her that Curtis is working on it, but so far came up empty handed. Alexis asks what Sam isn’t telling her.

Jake is doing some painting, and Franco instructs him to attack the canvas. Jake says, go big or go home. Franco says they’re buddies, but he can talk to Andre – he’s one of the good guys. Jake says, but Franco gets it. He tells Franco about the action figures, and how he picked the scarecrow. He says it’s just a game though, and not as good as the stories with Franco. Elizabeth and Jason show up. Jake says he thought he could trust Franco, but he’s just like the rest of them.

Elizabeth says Franco is right, and the babysitter is very upset because she feels like she did something wrong. Jason says he’s too young to be out alone. Franco tells Jake that Jason is right and his parents call the shots. Jason wants to speak with Franco alone. Franco tells him to take his best shot. Jason says that’s what Franco wants.

Sam tells Alexis about the screen grab. Alexis thinks she knows who made the call. Sam shows her the picture.

Jax wonders what they should call it, and Carly says a rewind. He asks for some wine, and she leaves to get it. He says no guilt, no regret, and she says none.

Michael says he was waiting for Nelle like she had asked him to. She says she shouldn’t have come to Sonny’s house and shouldn’t have come to Port Charles. Sonny says she doesn’t want to be there when he tells Michael what she told him. He tells Michael about Nelle drugging him, and explains what happened, saying that it was all a twisted lie. He wants to tell Carly immediately. He tells Michael to tell Nelle to go, and get out of their lives forever. He leaves.

Michael tells Nelle that Sonny believes her because it absolves him, but she could just be telling him what he wants to hear. He asks if she really slept with Sonny, or drugged him and lied about it. Nelle explains that she didn’t want to sleep with Sonny, and thought it would be more decent. Michael wonders how that word could come out of her mouth. What she did is not only illegal, but she knows who Sonny is and what he does to his enemies. He asks why she didn’t tell him the truth. She says she was going to, but owed it to Sonny first; hurting Michael and Josslyn wasn’t in her plan. He snarks that being collateral damage makes him feel special. Nelle says she was going to tell him everything. He says that she threw away her last chance. She says they can still be friends, but he tells her to leave now.

Sonny bangs on Carly’s door. She tells him it’s not a good time, but he walks in anyway. He says that he has to tell her something that will change everything

Jason says that Franco acted like a responsible adult just to score points with Elizabeth. Jason doesn’t want Jake there again, and Franco repeats that he didn’t invite Jake over. Because Jason is so dense, he says that Franco convinced Jake that he understands him. He says don’t come near his kid again. Franco says that he does understand Jake better than Jason, and its pissing Jason off. Elizabeth comes in and asks what’s going on.

Alexis tells Sam that if Julian is alive, why is he torturing her? Sam says that she shouldn’t have told her. Curtis calls. After speaking with him, Sam tells Alexis that they know who used Julian’s card.

Jason tells Elizabeth that they were just discussing Jake’s well-being, and that the studio is off limits. Elizabeth says if Jake wants to paint, they’ll do it at home. Franco wonders why Jake came and feels more comfortable with him, and Jason says he’s a good manipulator. Franco tells Elizabeth that Jake is a great kid and takes after his mom.  They leave, and Franco cleans up. He finds a roll of paper and unrolls it. It’s the timeline. He looks at the scarecrow. Now there’s a boy hiding behind a tree next to it. Franco says Jake left this for him.

Nathan and Kristina have coffee. He says he wants to talk about Julian. Kristina says he’s dead. Nathan says Julian’s body was never recovered, and stranger things have been known to happen. That’s for sure. You can be in the middle of an explosion in Port Charles and still be alive. You could be the guy holding the bomb. Nathan thinks Alexis is keeping something from him, and might be placing herself in danger.

Sam says that Curtis traced the charge to a kid who found the card, and he said he purchased a bus ticket with it. The story checks out, since he was a runaway who had the card on him. Alexis says that doesn’t prove if Julian is dead or alive. Sam asks what answer she was hoping for, but Alexis doesn’t know.

The hooded figure lurks outside of Alexis’s house and opens the door. He goes inside.

Nelle begs Michael to believe her. He made her think she could move forward, not live in the past, and stop the plan, but it was too late. She doesn’t expect forgiveness now, but hopes someday he can. She couldn’t take it if he hated her. He says he can’t fix her; it’s not his job. He closes the door, leaving her on the porch crying.

Carly tells Sonny that it has to wait, but Sonny says it means a whole new beginning, and to just listen. He never slept with Nelle.

Tomorrow, Curtis meets with Hayden, Kristina asks what Alexis is hiding, and Sonny says he and Carly can be together.

Southern Charm

Whitney drops in on Thomas. We flash back to the pool party, and Whitney calls Thomas the Hugh Hefner of Charleston. He thinks being away from Kathryn has mellowed Thomas. Whitney says he’s single and ready to mingle, as his long-distance relationship became too long of a distance.

Kathryn tells us that the past year has been the worst. We flash back to the reunion where it was revealed she didn’t pass a drug test. She’s disappointed in herself, and totally humiliated. Geez, it’s not like it was heroin, for God’s sake. She visits a friend whose name I missed, but she’s been on the show before, and tells her about going to rehab. She says Thomas has temporary full custody, and she and Thomas aren’t on speaking terms right now. She’s hoping for eventual joint custody, having passed another drug test. They talk about Jennifer. Kathryn is skeptical of her friendship, since she’s been friendly with Thomas.

On her way to visit Jennifer, Cameran talks to her mother on the phone. They discuss Jennifer’s new baby having surgery. In her interview, Cameran tells us how not interested she is in having her own baby. She says she’s living her truth and it’s an empty one. I believe she’s referring to an empty nest, but I wish she’d worded that differently. A childless life isn’t necessarily an empty one. And there are always dogs. She arrives at Jennifer’s, bearing a baby gift. They look at baby Ascher, who is with the nanny. The poor thing needed brain surgery the day he was born because of brain matter protruding from his skull, but he’s doing well. Jennifer has an entire closet full of baby clothes for the rest of the Ascher’s baby life. Cameran says he’s cute and cuddly, but she still can’t find any maternal instincts.

Jennifer talks about Thomas reaching out, and Cameran tells her how well he’s taking care of the kids. She asks if Jennifer has talked to Kathryn, but she says no. This is kind of a shame, since Jennifer had been very supportive of Kathryn last season. Jennifer claims she “loves to love people,” but I get the feeling that it’s more like she loves to be loved. That kind of person doesn’t always make for a loyal friend.

Shep meets with Craig at some batting cages. Craig says baseball was his life growing up, and he wanted to play in the major leagues. After he gets up to bat, I see why that idea fizzled. Shep tells him about talking to Naomie. He asks how long Craig has known he didn’t graduate from law school, but Craig says it’s been no secret. Shep wonders if Craig has a secret family somewhere, since he never seems to tell the truth, and they discuss him mailing the last test out. Craig wonders why Shep is obsessed with this, and Shep says he doesn’t think Craig wants to be a lawyer. Craig calls Shep a loser. In his interview, he says Shep is 36, and still going out every night. He wonders why he has to prove himself to his friends. Craig suggests they drop it. I’m with Craig on this. He’s 27, and if he wants to try different things, and as long as he’s not sitting around on his ass, who cares? He’s also a very nice and diplomatic guy. And it’s not like he’s asking to borrow money either.

Landon (ew!) works with her interns on her website. She says it’s finally starting to come together. She was humiliated after last year’s meeting with the internet dude. We flash back to him telling her all she had was a handful of papers. She needed to figure out how to take her idea to the technology world “which is so new to her.” I’m not even sure what to say about that. She wants to prove herself to her family. We flash back to her father telling her that she can’t live off of her dreams. She gets all teary, and says she’s putting herself out there. She doesn’t think she’ll get another chance, and if this doesn’t work, she’ll have to work for her dad in real estate. This woman is so ridiculous.

Cameran meets with Chelsea, and asks if she’s attending “Landon’s thing.” By the rest of the conversation, I assume Landon is having some kind of launch party. Cameran thinks Chelsea might be the one to change Shep into a one-woman man. She says that Chelsea is the female version of Shep, except she’s not a whore. Alrighty then.

Austen, Whitney and Shep go out for some food. Whitney welcomes Austen to the group. They talk about the pool party, and Shep shows interest in Chelsea. He says he, Chelsea and Cameran are going out in a couple of days, and he’s going to see if they really click. Whitney talks about Landon having a showing for her website, and that they’re supposed to critique it. They probably already know that anything less than a compliment will make her cry. Shep tells them about how Landon met with a group of internet developers, and she acted like a jerk. They were angry and appalled. In his interview, Shep says Landon wants to be the hipster queen of Charleston.

Naomie gets home, and Craig tells her about Landon’s test launch. Naomie is working on her masters, and says they’re on totally different schedules. She wonders what Craig actually does, and we see him giving cat Gizmo a ride in the wheelbarrow. Craig tells her about Shep’s ambush, saying it’s not like Shep has any kind of career path. Naomie says that their circumstances are different. In her interview, she says in her perfect world, Craig would pass the bar, they’d both get great jobs, make loads of money, and travel the world, but it takes work, and she’s not his babysitter. Uh-oh. It’s never good to look at a boyfriend like a fixer-upper. Craig says that Shep brought some of the others into it, and he doesn’t want to have to prove himself to anyone. He thinks it’s just going to be group settings for a while.

Landon is proud of herself. She wants to show her friends that she has a real job. Omg, she can’t even talk on the phone without saying “um” a thousand times. Everyone gets ready for the party. Thomas compliments his reflection in French. He thinks Landon is misread, and that she can really follow through. Enjoy being alone in that opinion.

The party is at a bar. Good move getting them drunk before they look at the website. Landon greets her friends. Drew is wearing a tuxedo, and shows off his cufflinks. Cameran arrives, and looks like she didn’t comb her hair for the occasion, so I’m confused about the dress code. Whitney brings a girl named Daisy, who looks like she’s dressed from a 1920s fashion catalog. Whoa. She’s very animated too.

Cameran tells Craig that she’s mad at him for telling Shep that they’re not real friends. He tells her what Shep said about them keeping him out of the loop. Craig says that Shep claimed that everyone is mad at him for not taking the bar, and that’s why he’s not in the group chat anymore. Shep told him that they make fun of him, and Cameran says they do make fun of his Instagram, showing us some examples in her interview. Craig says if they don’t want to be friends, fine.

Shep thinks he looks like a Creamsicle. Chelsea says they go well together. Everyone looks at the site. Apparently, Landon doesn’t write the content, so I’m not sure what it is she does do. Shep flirts with Naomie, annoying Craig. Thomas talks about pixilation like he knows what he’s talking about. Chelsea flirts with the other guys, and Cameran tells Shep he needs to lay claim. He’s like, free love, and makes a peace sign. Everyone congratulates Landon. They’re just happy that anything she’s attempted exists at all. Landon says she has a purpose now. Shep face palms in his interview. He takes Landon to the side, and asks her impressions of the developers who she talked to. He tells her that critiquing their software was a bad idea, and how she came off entitled. He tells her that first impressions last a long time. She complains that they talked down to her, and Shep tells her that entrepreneurs have to eat a lot of sh*t when they start out. She says when she’s not bitchy, she gets taken advantage of, and when she is, she’s a bitch. Shep tells her just say she’ll take it under advisement, and kill them with kindness. In her interview, she says that Shep has never had a job and rained on her parade. She tells one of her friends that Shep called her a bitch. Now she wants to go home. Don’t forget to take your dolls and jacks with you.

Chelsea meets Craig at his bar. In his interview, he says her being friends with Cameran changes the stakes of the game, but anything can happen. Cameran joins them, feeling like a third wheel. She points out the sparkle in Shep’s eye and he says it’s because he’s not hung over. The liquor comes, and he tells them that there are kids who aren’t drunk in China, so drink up.

They discuss Landon’s website. Shep talks about an app he’s investing in, but it’s not Landon’s. He tells them what the web guys had to say about Landon, and how she didn’t take it well when he told her. Cameran thinks she should give Shep and Chelsea some privacy, and Shep says what happens with Chelsea, stays with Chelsea.

Next time, Kathryn tries to get a modeling job, Chelsea and Shep spend the night together, and Naomie suggests Craig not be so last minute with everything.

Vanderpump Rules – The Reunion Part Two

Andy asks Lisa why she had such mixed emotions about firing James, when it didn’t take much to fire Kristen. Lisa says she did Kristen a favor when she fired her, but James had problems. She says he didn’t seem in control, but when she saw the footage, realized how provocative he’d been. Jax says he’s like a wind-up doll – give him alcohol and he goes. We flash back to some of that. James says he’s got triggers, man, he’s got triggers. It’s bizarre how these kids talk like beatniks and hippies from another time. Ariana says he and Jax are a lot alike. Andy asks Lisa why she told James to stay away from alcohol, like that’s not obvious. She says that when he drinks, he turns into a monster, and he’s young enough to get a grip.

Time to talk about Montauk. Andy is amused that the group had to google what a clambake was. Kristen informs us that the urban dictionary has a different definition involving weed. Andy asks about Scheana’s restrictive diet, and all the girls talk at once. Scheana feels that she gets picked on for being stringent with herself. Andy finally has to tell them to shut up.

Ariana’s birthday is discussed. Andy brings up how Jax was just out of surgery, and asks if he followed doctor’s orders during the NASCAR weekend. That would be a no regarding alcohol. They talk about how nasty it was, living in the RV together. Andy asks about Lala seeming to accept the groups’ olive branch, and then ghosting them at the last minute. Lala claims she was in panic attack mode, especially since Jax made her feel like she wasn’t wanted beforehand. She didn’t want to be cooped up in an RV with that. Tom says he made it clear that wouldn’t happen, and that it’s more like she didn’t feel like going. She says she wishes it was that simple, but he doesn’t believe her. He asks if her boyfriend was in town, and she says he lives in LA. Tom says that a friend outed her about being at the Beverly Hills Hotel that weekend.

Andy basically asks where Lala’s money comes from. She says her family has money, and her mother pays most of her bills. The Range Rover is brought up, because we can never, ever forget about that, and there’s a bunch of nonsense about the car. Andy asks if she was dating a married man.

Lala says no, and that no one will ever get the answer they’re looking for. He asks if she’s still dating the same person, and she won’t answer. Lisa says she deliberately creates intrigue. Stassi says if she wants respect, she has to give the same. Tom says that Stassi did the same thing in season three, but Stassi says that was Patrick’s choice. She says they put their lives out there, and Lala doesn’t have the right to lie. Lala says that Stassi knows nothing about her situation, and it’s nobody’s business. She tells Stassi to stop being a mean girl and gets nasty. Tom says he would love not to have his personal life on the show, or how about Tom and Katie? He tells Lala that it’s not fair. Stassi’s situation isn’t really comparable here. We knew about Patrick, he just didn’t want to be on the show. There are plenty of SOs we don’t see on reality shows.

Andy asks why Kristen thought James was the key to taking Lala down, and it’s universally agreed that James is easily manipulated. Andy asks why he agreed to meet with them, and he says they sucked him in with their lies. The girls are insistent that they weren’t lying; that this is what they heard. Andy asks about the NDA (non-disclosure agreement) from Lala. Lala explains why she would do something like that. Brittany calls it an NBA, and says she doesn’t even know what it is, so Andy has to explain. Lala says she had a bad experience, and wants to control what people post online about her. Tom suggests she not be around people she can’t trust.

They get off track, and Andy tries to corral the group. He asks Lala if the real reason was that her boyfriend didn’t want the relationship disclosed. She says she has NDAs to protect her life off of the show. Andy is like no offense, but why are you so special? He talks about her withdrawing, and she says she was becoming an unhealthy individual. She was liquored up 24/7 and not in a good head space. He asks why Lisa tried to convince her to stay. Lisa says running back to mommy is no way to grow up, and Lala is stronger than she thinks.

Andy asks if it’s really good-by for Lala with the group, and everyone goes, nah. Lala apologizes to everybody for being mean. Schwartz says she’s awesome, considering. Lala says when someone comes into a situation where everyone has their dukes up already, defensiveness is to be expected. We say good-by to Lala – for now.

Next up are Tom and Ariana. Tom’s animosity about Ariana’s cocktail book is discussed. Ariana felt he shouldn’t just jump in after she put in the initial footwork, but the end result was they’re both doing the book. Andy asks why Ariana doesn’t want Tom to put a ring on it. She says she just doesn’t see the point, and everyone pushing it is getting irritating. Andy mentions that Brittany has been planning her wedding for her entire life, and Jax suggests Denny’s as a venue. Stassi says that her family marries and divorces for sport.

We cover the comedy night where Jax’s d*ck pic was revealed, and thankfully, which Brittany’s mother did not attend. I could swear this was the prior season. Jax says he only cared because of Brittany, who says they promised nothing like that would happen again. Lisa thought it was tacky, thoughtless, and mean. Andy asks why Brittany brought her mother to the roast, and Lisa says she was horrified. We flash back to Lisa cautioning Brittany’s mother about Jax. Lisa says if Brittany was her daughter, she wouldn’t be too happy. Andy brings up Brittany’s mother being most upset by the thought of Jax kissing a guy, which I think is weird too. Jax says he probably would have been more concerned about the cheating and the drugs. Tom thought it was inappropriate, but Jax says that it’s to be expected from a mom. Brittany talks about her mother getting a huge amount of flack on social media, and says she isn’t homophobic in any way. Andy says as a gay guy, he totally understood. Jax says she lives in a different, very conservative world.

We go back in time to Jax’s visit to Kentucky. A lot of it involves animals and four-wheelers. And Jax being grilled about marrying Brittany. I don’t remember this at all. Did they even show any of this?

Stassi’s younger brother Nicolai is introduced. The voice of reason. Stassi calls him brave for being on the show, and I agree. Andy asks what he thought about Stassi and Jax as a couple. He says it was good at first, but went wrong. We flash back to a conversation between him and Jax. Patrick is discussed. Tom asks Stassi if he knocked the show and Andy asks if that’s part of the reason she left. She says he wasn’t too happy about it, and she did partly leave for that reason, but he seemed supportive once she left. Andy asks if Nicolai is sad about the Patrick break-up, and Nicolai drops pearls of wisdom. Stassi says she doesn’t take him seriously until she sees it on TV. We flash back to him telling her that life is tough, especially in your 20s. Andy asks how he’s so wise, and he says that he just absorbs it. We also learn that Sex in the City is one of his favorite shows. Andy asks what the weirdest thing about Stassi is. Nicolai tells us about her reaction during a cringeworthy moment. He says he’s proud about her sticking up for herself and that she really does care about other people. I think she does. For goodness’ sake, she cried when she heard Schwartz had cheated on Katie.

Andy asks for advice for everyone. Schwartz is first. Nicolai thinks Schwartz shouldn’t call girls bitches. Schwartz says he’s working on that, and Nicolai tells him to work harder. He suggests Katie lower it down on the drinking, and she’ll get more friends. He tells Jax that he’s going to die alone and drunk if he doesn’t change his ways. Out of the mouths of babes. He tells Ariana to think about other people more. Scheana is told that there’s no picking a side. She says she doesn’t, but actually, in not picking a side, you’re picking a side. Think about it. Nicolai says there’s no problem with Brittany, and tells Lisa to keep up the great business work. She thinks maybe she should hire him as her personal advisor. He also says nothing is wrong on Andy’s end.

The events up to Katie’s wedding are discussed. Scheana talks about feeling excluded. Kristen accuses her of not contributing, but she insists she did. We move on to Lisa’s shower gift of a blow-up doll named Katie, and Katie gushes over Pandora’s spa day gift. Andy brings up the altercation between Katie and Scheana, and we flash back to the disastrous bridesmaids’ lunch. Katie thinks Scheana deflects, but Scheana says that Katie is mean when she drinks. She says there’s a difference between a drinking problem and being an alcoholic. She tells Katie that everyone has had a problem with Katie’s drinking at one time or another. We flash back to all that. She insists that she’s never called Katie an alcoholic. Katie says she doesn’t have a problem either. <sigh>

Andy asks Stassi how it felt to have Ariana tell her that she didn’t give a flying. Stassi says Ariana has consistently hurt her feelings. Ariana says that Stassi is manipulating, and she didn’t believe that her feelings were really hurt. The girls all protest, and Ariana says whenever she answers a question honestly, she’s the a-hole. Katie says she’s holding Stassi accountable for things she did in the past and she doesn’t know who Stassi is today. Schwartz says that was the 2012 Stassi. Ariana says there’s no difference, and brings up Stassi saying that she’s wanted to crack her. Stassi says it wasn’t meant to be mean, and the girls all say she was just joking. Ariana says maybe she doesn’t want to be friends with people who joke like that. She thought it was another opportunity for Stassi to be the victim. She always wants people to be apologizing. Stassi says no matter what, they won’t like her.

Next time, The Reunion Part Three, Shay joins the group, the Vegas trip is discussed, and so is Katie’s drinking.

🚑 Better Call Saul returned tonight. I watched most of the first season, and it was much better (and funnier) than I expected it to be. So much good TV, so little time.

🐮 On Sweet Home Oklahoma, Lee’s new neighbor cut down a tree on her property immediately upon moving in, claiming that he “knocked on her door.” I’m in awe of her self-control in not totally going off on the neighbor. Angie aka Pumps suggested that she throw some baseballs through the neighbor’s window, and then say she knocked on the door. Instead, Lee plants some shrubs in the shape of a middle finger. I like it. Jennifer also planned a party for her French bulldog, Tubbers. She and her 9-year-old son then conspired to tell Pumps that it’s a costume party – when it’s not – because she’s given Jennifer so much grief over calling Tubbers a service dog. They were both dying laughing while setting it up, and it almost made me wish I had a kid. Almost. I love these people. They’re definitely a group I could hang out with.

👂 I gotta mention this. I was raised by a sailor, so I’m fine with cursing, but it’s not something I think should be taught to kids. Why am I saying this? I’ve been watching TV a long time – it was my babysitter growing up – and I have never heard so much cursing. I lost count of how many times I heard sh*t, especially during The Walking Dead, but now the f-word is getting pretty close to being openly said. It’s still bleeped, but just barely, and all you need to hear are the first and last letter to have your mental ear fill in the rest. And I’m not talking a cable station like HBO. Bravo, I’m talkin’ to you.

April 4, 2017 – Jax is Back, Alex Loses Custody, the Party Continues in Beverly Hills & Some Observations

Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Carly finds Jax in her living room.

Tracy and Laura catch a couple of the monks trying to sneak out with the painting. Tracy says the painting is hers, but Laura says the painting is her. She thinks Tracy’s father must have bought it because it reminded him of her. Tracy says the monks were lying to them.

Hayden has a nightmare about Finn’s detox. When she wakes up, he’s coming out of the shower. He says last night was like an out-of-body experience. He can’t thank her enough for standing by him. She brushes him off, and he asks what’s the matter.

Andre asks Elizabeth how Jake feels about seeing a psychologist. She says he doesn’t hate it, but he’s not overly enthusiastic. She’s concerned about him shutting down if pressed about the island.

Jake finds Franco. He wonders when Franco is coming back, so they can finish their timelines.

Sam and Jason look at the footage from the gas station. Sam gets an alert about Julian’s credit card being used because she’s next of kin. She wonders if Julian is actually alive. I’m not positive about this, but I think if you’ve been declared dead, the credit card company will cancel your account. How is Sam getting alerts because she’s next of kin?

Amy 2.0 is at Kelly’s, speaking to someone on the phone about an outfit she’s putting together. Dillon interrupts her and asks if she’s that Amy.

Franco tells Jakes he has to work, but Jake can finish on his own. Jake says it’s not the same, and complains about having to see Andre. He asks if Franco can stick around. Franco says he wishes he could, but he can’t today. Jake is obviously disappointed.

Jason says Julian could be charged as an accessory, so if he was alive, he’d leave town. Sam says he’s probably right. Jason leaves for whatever he does, and Sam looks at the surveillance picture of a hooded guy.

Carly tells Jax that it’s been a rough few weeks but seeing him makes it better. Jax says he heard they caught Morgan’s killer, and Carly brings him up to speed. She says it’s a resolution, but now there’s no distraction. She tells him that he didn’t have to come all this way to check on her, and he tells her about Lady Jane dying, and that he wanted to tell Josslyn in person. She asks if he’s okay, and he says he doesn’t think it’s sunk in yet. Carly wants to go to Josslyn, but Jax says he thinks she wants privacy right now; they can both check on her later. Carly says when they were married, she felt more like a daughter to Lady Jane than an in-law. Jax says she’d always hoped they’d try again.

Tracy says the monks weren’t honest about the painting. She says why should she believe they don’t speak English, and she wants answers now. Another monk pops out and says she’ll receive them. Tracy asks if he’s in charge, and tells him that she was lied to about the painting. Laura asks if he knew J.L. Holt. He tells them about a man asking for asylum. He offered to compensate them, giving them artwork. The only painting he refused to part with was this one, because it reminded him of his daughter Tracy. He says the resemblance is amazing. She tells him they were estranged, and he gives her a letter that might explain things.

Finn wonders why Hayden is backing off, but there’s a knock at the door. It’s Curtis. He tells Finn he looks better, but it’s going to be tempting to get a quick fix to ease the pain to come. He tells Finn to stay strong and stay hydrated. He’s brought lunch, but Hayden says she has to go to work. Finn tells her that he couldn’t have done it without her. He moves in for a kiss, but she gives him a peck and leaves.

Andre tells Jason and Sam that they all have to be on the same page. Jake is his patient, not them, and it’s up to Jake what he wants to tell them about the sessions. He asks about their Helena concern. Elizabeth tells him about the timeline, and his time with Helena being blank, and then the scarecrow showing up later. Jason says they don’t know if it’s a memory or symbolic. Andre says not a detective, and it’s going to take time and patience.

Nathan goes to Sam and Jason’s place on official business. He tells Sam that Julian’s credit card was used to purchase a one-way bus ticket to Los Angeles. He asks if Julian ever talked to her about a plan to skip town.

Dillon says it’s Lord of the Rings Amy. He says he’s thought about her over the years, and talks about a Rings Q & A session that he went to. He says when he was going to ask a question, he thought of her, his high school friend, the only one who liked the movies as much as he did. She says she’s thought about him too. They’re planning a reunion, and Amy wants to get started brainstorming. Kiki walks in, and Dillon introduces them.

Jake wants to know why he can’t talk to Franco instead. Elizabeth says they don’t think it’s the best idea right now.  Jason tells him part of growing up is doing the right thing, even if it’s hard. Jake reluctantly goes in to his appointment.

Sam says if Julian had a master plan, he wouldn’t have told her. Nathan wonders about Lucas, but Sam says that’s’ a no. Nathan says whoever bought the ticket either found or stole Julian’s card. He wants to talk to Alexis, but Sam says she doesn’t know anything. Nathan says she might know something she doesn’t realize. AS soon as he’s gone, Sam picks up the phone.

Jax says sorry to hear about Carly and Sonny. He says Josslyn seemed to think they’re divorcing, and asks what happened. Carly says that Sonny’s grief drove him to sleep with another woman, and he lied to her for months. Jax says he can’t see her reaching the breaking point over a one-night stand. She saysit’s  not that he cheated, but who he cheated with.

The monk tells Tracy that her father wasn’t sure he’d see her again when he wrote the letter. Tracy opens it. Edward says he has many regrets about their relationship and how it turned out. He hopes this will rectify things. He says he was angry when made the changes to his will, and intended to add her back in, but there wasn’t enough time before he had to flee. He found the painting, and it reminded him of her strength, character, and heart. He tells her that if he doesn’t make it home, this gift is proof that in his heart, she’ll always be his little girl. This is his inheritance to her, and hopefully will prove that he loves and forgives her. Now she has to forgive herself. He’s sure she’ll know where best to put the painting.

Kiki asks if Amy and Dillon are film geeks, but Dillon says aficionados. Kiki doesn’t see the big deal about it, and Dillon says her loss. Amy says she has to get going, and Dillon says to text him. He says he’s glad they found each other again, and she says her too. Outside she gets all teary. She gets a call, and says it was like something from a movie until his beautiful girlfriend walked in. She thinks Kiki is wrong for Dillon, since she doesn’t even like Game of Thrones. Seriously. What’s wrong with her?

Dillon tells Kiki he thought he was co-chair  for the reunion with someone he’d never met, but he’s glad it’s Amy. Kiki talks about her volunteer work, saying she picked her boss’s brain, but she still has questions. She says she just signed up for a training course to be a nurse’s aid, and they’ll see where it goes from there. They start to kiss, but Franco interrupts.

Tracy tells Laura that she didn’t think her father forgave or trusted her. Laura says nothing would have stopped him from loving her, and he was proud of her. Tracy wants to take the painting home, but the monk says he can’t let her do that.

Sam tells Alexis that she’s booked a hotel overnight for her, so she can get away for a minute. When she hangs up, she says, sorry, Nathan isn’t questioning Alexis today.

At the hospital, Elizabeth asks Hayden how Finn is. Hayden says fine, but Elizabeth says she doesn’t sound like it. Hayden says she doesn’t want to talk, but Elizabeth says she’s the only one who knows what Hayden is going through.

Finn thanks Curtis, who says to thank Hayden, who got him involved. He says she clearly thinks a lot of him. Finn says she wouldn’t even make eye-contact this morning, and it seemed like something scared her off. Curtis asks if he remembers anything, and Finn asks what he did.

Hayden shows Elizabeth the bruises on her arm from where Finn grabbed her. Elizabeth asks if she thinks it could happen again, but Hayden says it was totally the coming down. She tells Elizabeth that bruises heal, but she’s concerned that Finn was able to zero in on her insecurities. Elizabeth says she can’t take it personally, and that she went through that with Lucky. Hayden asks how they bounced back, and Elizabeth says they didn’t. Instead, Lucky bounced all the way to Europe. She tells Hayden that Finn’s journey is far from over, but she has one of her own and it’s okay to make herself a priority.

Kiki asks Franco if it can wait. He says no. He’s having feelings, and needs to deal with them now. He feels like he can help Jake, and doesn’t want to be the reason that Jake turns out like Franco.

Andre asks if Jake likes action figures, and brings out a box of them. Jake takes out the scarecrow and wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz. Andre tells him to tell a story. Jake says in his story, the scarecrow and witch are friends.

Hayden comes back to Finn’s room. Curtis has left, and Finn jokes that in the last five minutes he hasn’t used. Hayden says they have to talk, and Finn says Curtis filled him in. He says he’s sorry he was physical with her. She says he scared her, not just physically, but emotionally. He said some harsh things that he doesn’t remember, but she says the thoughts must be in his head. She says he has a long road ahead, but she can’t walk it with him.

Tracy says the monastery has no claim to painting. The monk says her father never returned. The monastery is having a difficult time; there are too many people and too little money. They have a private buyer for the painting who’s willing to give them $20 million. It’s enough to fund the abbey and their charitable works for many years. Laura says it’s a good deed and an inspiration. Tracy says, hell no.

Carly tells Jax the Nelle story. She says she could forgive Sonny if he’d told her the truth. Jax wonders why Nelle would set Sonny up, and Carly says that Frank Benson was Nelle’s father. Jax looks disturbed, and we already know where this is going. Carly tells him that Sonny played her right into Nelle’s revenge. Jax says he’s sorry, and it’s all his fault.

Laura reminds Tracy that she’s in a monastery. The monk says he understands that she has emotional attachments to the painting. Tracy says she could no more give up the painting than a piece of her heart.

Hayden tells Finn about what he said to her. He says it was the drugs talking, but she says it was the truth. She knows what the town thinks about her, and convinced herself that he was the exception. She gives him a list of rehabs. He says he doesn’t want help from others, just her. She says he needs help from someone he trusts, and made it clear that it’s not her, and walks out.

Jake asks to use Elizabeth’s phone while she and Jason talk to Andre. Andre tells them that Jake is a private kid, and it’s going to take a while. He says Jake is sensing tension between them and knows that his time on the island is at the root of it. If they want him to open up, they need to make peace and make sure they’re ready for the truth.

Franco thinks Jake has darkness buried inside. Kiki says he has to respect that Jake isn’t his son and it’s not his call. Franco’s phone rings. It’s Jake, who tells him it was weird, and he wants to finish timelines. Franco says his mom or dad should help him finish it.

Curtis drops by to see Sam. She tells him about the credit card, and he asks if she thinks it’s Julian. She says if there’s even a remote possibility that he’s alive, Alexis will hang on to it. They need to find out who used the card.

Carly says nothing is Jax’s fault. He tells her he made the deal for the kidney.

Tomorrow, Anna bugs Valentin again, Carly asks why Jax didn’t tell her, Sonny tells Nelle to be more careful, and Lulu tells Dante she made a new friend.

If Loving You is Wrong

Travis tells Kelly to turn the car off, and she tells him to get out. He grabs her by the hair, and tells her to turn it off. She does. Wow. This guy’s personality sure has changed. He grabs Kelly, pulling her into the back seat. She asks him why he’s doing this. He says he tried going on with his life, but she wouldn’t let him. She says she didn’t know he was like this. Us neither. He asks why she was at the police station, and she keeps telling him to get out. He tries to put his hand up her skirt, and she whacks him a good one.

Travis says he can make her feel good. Then he tells her she’s sick, and gets out of the car. She locks the doors, and gets back in the front. She sees him watching as she pulls away.

Randal visits his mother at the hospital. Louise says she’s been worried sick about him. He tells her he’s sorry, and she says it’s all right. Louise asks if they hurt him, and he says he’s fine. She asks how he got away, and he tells her the FBI came. Louise says that Marcie called them; she’s worried about him. This confuses Randal, but that’s probably not too hard. Louise says they’ve both made mistakes and they have to forgive each other. Randal says he can’t forgive her. When he looks at her, all he sees is her and Brad in the shed. Louise says he did the same thing with Alex, and she’s the one who sent those people to the house. He says they’re all dead now, and she says, thank God it’s over. Randal says it’s not, as long as she’s hurt. She says she’s fine and that the both of them did this. She’s not standing for it; it’s time for him to let it go. Those words aren’t in Randal’s vocabulary, and he says it’s just starting. He tells her that he’ll see her after the hearing. Louise can’t believe he’s still after the baby. He says he’ll be back with her grandson, and she says after all this, it’s not enough. She supposes she’ll be going to a funeral. She tells him she loves him, and he leaves.

Doctor Ross introduces herself to Marcie, and confirms her pregnancy. She’s twelve and a half weeks along. Dr. Ross asks if her husband is excited, but Marcie says she can’t believe it. She’d had fibroids and the doctor said it was less than 10% of a chance. Marcie is concerned that she’d been drinking, but the doctor says so far, everything seems normal. She says that Marcie doesn’t seem happy, and Marcie says she’s got a lot going on. She says Marcie should be happy after all the time and effort she’s put into it.

Back at the apartment, Marcie tells Brad to stop with the cold shoulder. He says that he needs time to process everything. She says she’s sorry for going to the police, but he says it’s not that. He wants her to stop antagonizing Alex; she’s been through too much. He saw her screaming for her child and saw her parents get killed in front of her. He asks how much more she has to suffer. Marcie can’t believe he’s coming to Alex’s defense, and he says she doesn’t know him. She wonders how long he’s going to punish her for making a mistake, and he says that’s not what he’s doing. Marcie says he still loves Alex, and Brad says she still loves Randal, so stop giving him a hard time about loving Alex. Marcie says that she told him to go back to her, and not to punish her for falling in love with him. Oh, no, just no. She says she didn’t mean to. She just wanted the pain to go away and for Alex and Randal to pay. She says she knows he doesn’t feel the same way, but he says he does. He says she’s made it clear she doesn’t want him though. She says she didn’t, but when she’s with him, she’s happy, and he makes her feel alive and cared for. He makes her feel strong and safe. He says that’s not love, but she insists it is. She asks what they do now, but Brad doesn’t know. I’m confused. Do they both love two people or was that first part just a cover-up for their real feelings?

Natalie sits by Joey’s bedside. The doctor says he’s looking much better, but Joey says he doesn’t feel better. He wants to know about Faun. The doctor says she left already and she’s fine; she was only grazed. He says he’ll be back later.

Lushion joins them. He asks how Joey is doing, and Joey says better, now that he found out Faun is okay. Natalie says she’s going home, and she’ll see them later. Lushion says he’ll let Joey res,t and leaves with Natalie.

Natalie tells Lushion she’s relieved and tired. She says they have to get their move on, since the apartment has been rented. Lushion realizes that she went off on the landlord, and she says they never fixed anything, so she told them to stick the apartment.

Officer Rick asks Esperanza what she knows about Kelly. She asks if he’s interested in her, and he says no, and points out Travis sitting on a bench in the station. He says that Travis just made out a complaint that Kelly is harassing him. Esperanza says he’s lying, and that Kelly isn’t a psychopath. He says okay, but she doesn’t like the tone of his okay, and says this is crazy.

Esperanza calls Kelly, and leaves a message to call her back. Rick tells Lushion about finding a dead body – Ramsey – and that he was stabbed to death. Lushion asks if there are any leads. Rick says no, but they think it’s a crime of passion. Rick tells him that he’ll have the keys later, and Lushion asks him not to say anything to Natalie. Rick asks if Kelly is the type to harass a man, and Lushion says no.

Esperanza calls Kelly, but Kelly says she can’t talk. Essie tells her that Travis is filing a restraining order. Kelly says she still has to file hers, and Essie tells her do it quickly or it will look like a copycat thing. She asks Kelly what’s wrong, and Kelly says nothing. She tells Essie she’s sitting outside Justice’s school and his science project is ruined. It’s been squashed into oblivion by Travis. She tells Essie she’s embarrassed. Lushion calls Kelly, and she says she’ll call Essie back.

Lushion asks Kelly if Travis is still bothering her. Kelly asks why. What I want to know is why Kelly isn’t letting anyone know what’s going on. Lushion says he needs a favor, and tells her he’s sorry about Ramsey. He asks her to keep the murder from Natalie. He says she won’t move in if she finds out, and they’ve already put the money down. I guess Natalie never reads the paper or listens to the news. Kelly says she won’t say anything. Lushion thanks her, and says he’ll be her next door neighbor soon. They hang up, and Kelly cries in her car. She drives away.

Steven calls Lushion into his office. Eddie is already there. Steven says he just finished Eddie’s report, and needs a witness. Lushion says he didn’t hear what Eddie said. Eddie goes over how they saw Andrew’s car, but no Andrew. Lushion starts to say something, but Steven says he has this. He asks Eddie why the window was shot out, and Eddie says he doesn’t know and makes some nasty remarks. Lushion says he doesn’t get it, and Eddie calls him Mr. FBI. Lushion tells him to quit trying to deflect. Steven wants Lushion to sign it, but he says get someone else. Steven tells him he’s the subordinate, and Lushion says he doesn’t care. He says this idiot – pointing at Eddie – did something to Andrew. Eddie threatens to bring hell back to his doorstep, and when he says Natalie’s name, Lushion gets crazy. Steven is like, whoa, and Lushion says he’s not signing. Steven tells Lushion to go.

Steven tells Eddie that he’s hotheaded and unreliable. When something goes wrong, he wants to kill everybody, and it doesn’t work that way. He tells Eddie to forget about Lushion being FBI. He says he’s over doing what they’ve been doing, and he wants something big – Escada. Eddie says can’t touch him, but Steven says that was his old man. Julius Junior is a hothead like Eddie, and he’s going to slip up. Eddie says this is too big of a decision for Steven to make, and he wants nothing to do with Escada. Steven asks if Eddie is cool with Julius fooling around with Esperanza. Eddie waits a beat, but says he’s cool. Steven wants to set something up. If Julius doesn’t cut them in, they’ll take him down. Eddie asks if he’s lost his mind. Steven says he wants a shipment, something big. Eddie works the streets, and somebody knows something. If they make this move, Lushion is either fired, transferred, or shot. Eddie says to let him pull the trigger, and Steven says him first. Eddie goes back out to the main office.

Lushion and Eddie have a stare down, but eventually get back to pretending to work.

At the hearing, Alex hasn’t shown up yet. She runs in the door, and the judge tells her to sit. He asks if she has counsel, but she says she can’t afford an attorney. He says the father claims that the child is in danger in her home. Alex says he isn’t, and Randal says he was kidnapped. The judge tells him he’ll get his turn. Alex says he was, and the judge is like, by your parents? She says yes, and says she was outside, and they broke in and took him. He asks what’s to stop them from doing it again, and she says they’re dead. The judge is surprised that the report is less than 24-hours old, and Alex tells him they were killed by the FBI. He mentions that her father was a racist, and she says that’s not her. Well, you’d think this would be a given, since obviously she had an affair with Randal. The judge reads out loud about Alex’s mother dropping the baby into a lake infested with alligators. He becomes more astounded as he reads, which is making me laugh. He says when he read it, he thought it must be an exaggeration, and Randal says it happened. The judge wonders how he can allow the baby to go home with his mother, and Alex says he’s her son. The Judge says that’s no guarantee of safety. Alex insists that she won’t let any harm come to him. The judge continues about how Brad threatened to kill Randal and that he can’t allow a child to be with Alex’s husband. She says they’re separated, and Randal says that Brad was at the house earlier.

Alex begs for the judge to listen. She says she’d never allow harm to come to her son. He says that he understands, but does she? She says her husband saved the baby. The judge says that proves they’re still in contact, and rules in Randal’s favor. Alex says he’s not the biological father.

Next time, Kelly’s baby daddy’s mother pays a visit, Randal isn’t letting anything go, and Natalie tells Kelly to pull the trigger.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Did they run out of material? We’re seeing a retrospective of the season. I concentrate on the earrings I haven’t noticed before. We begin where we ended last week, with Dorit saying that LisaR is unpredictable, and she doesn’t know what Lisa is capable of.

Meanwhile, back at LisaV’s Diamonds and Rosé Party, Dorit grills LisaV and PK as to whether she’s ever said that LisaR has a drug problem. In her interview, LisaV wonders which LisaR we’re getting tonight. Silly chit-chat happens. LisaR makes snarky comments about LisaV in her interview, which makes me not like her.

On the other hand, Eileen says she’s softening toward LisaV, and realizing she has feelings and a heart. This isn’t exactly endearing, but an improvement. Dorit has some kind of gold leaf in her hair, and LisaR says that it looks like a gold goose took a crap on Dorit’s head. I’m forced to laugh and agree, even though I don’t want to. Of course everyone looks fabulous, and so does the food, and the décor, and everything. Kevin Lee is rocking a tapestry rose patterned suit, reminding me of the purple paisley suit my friend Tommy wore to my wedding. Camille is here! Kim shows up too, and she looks the best I’ve seen in quite a while. She gushes over being a grandma, and of course, has pictures.

LisaR says Eden didn’t back her up on the Hong Kong trip, which is fine, but she doesn’t trust her. She tells Eden she’s “confused,” and wonders why Eden didn’t step in and say that Lisa doesn’t have a drug problem. Eden says she kind of shut down. Eileen says not saying something makes things worse. Quick, let me write that down. In her interview, Eden says that LisaR has awkward, evil energy. That’s one way to put it. I’d probably just say she’s an a-hole.

Erika is wearing a pink wig and a black cat suit, adorned with faux diamonds. They sit down to dinner, and LisaV toasts to everyone, thanking them for coming. They’re serenaded by some guy with a guitar. Aww! The ponies have faux diamonds and pink bows in their manes. For all I know, they might be real diamonds.

Dorit tells Kim about LisaR’s behavior at the Hong Kong dinner. She talks about Lisa asking if she trusts her husband, and suggests that Lisa is projecting. Kim says that Lisa is erratic and mean; exhibiting vicious behavior and then regret. In her interview, Kim says Lisa spins things and turns them around so she’s the victim.

The ladies discuss having babies over dessert. LisaV comes by with some fancy caviar things on a long, thin tray. The ladies visit with the ponies, who also have glitter on their hooves. Everyone is dazzled. Erika gets on the swing. LisaV asks if she has underwear on. <sigh>

Everyone mingles outside as the guitarist plays. Kim talks to LisaV about the Hong Kong dinner, and asks where it ends with LisaR. Kim says it isn’t her problem, but she’s been there. Well, it wasn’t that long ago. We spy LisaR, and LisaV suggests Kim talk to her. Kyle wants to know where the escape route is. LisaR is reluctant to approach the group.

Erika dares LisaR to mingle with Kim. Lisa tells Eileen that Kim said she’d heard things. She figures that it must have to do with what she said about PK. Eileen calls Kyle over, and tells her to bring Kim.

Eileen tells Kyle that she thought they were done with this. Kyle says it’s about what LisaR said about PK. PK says they’re all lying liars who lie, and Dorit tells LisaV there’s tension in the air. Dorit thinks she needs to join them, and Lisa says she’ll go with her. I love how arguments between two people always turn into a group effort.

LisaR asks Dorit what she needs to say. Dorit says that Lisa was mean-spirited in Hong Kong, and wants to know where it came from. Lisa says Dorit was saying she had a Xanax problem. Eden gets dragged in, and Dorit says she never said that Lisa had a problem. LisaV says that LisaR put it out there. In her interview, Erika says no party is complete without a catfight. Eden says Dorit asked her if LisaR had a problem, and we flash back to their conversation. LisaR says there it is! like she’s just found Excalibur.  Dorit says her extreme accusations weren’t nice. Lisa says those were her observations, and LisaV says she doesn’t think so. Kim says she’s gone after a pretty long list of people. In her interview, LisaR takes no responsibility for anything, and owns nothing. She insists she tells the truth, and tells Dorit she’s all over the place. Dorit say she never had an issue with her. Lisa gets in her face, and Dorit tells her to take a step back; if she can smell Lisa’s breath, she’s too close.

LisaR asks why Dorit didn’t call her and talk to her. Dorit asks why she would, since Lisa acts like a nutter. Lisa says, no, you. Dorit brings up the dinner again. Lisa tells her that what she did to Erika was disgusting. Dorit says she made every attempt to right things. Erika says she called her cold, and Dorit says she is. Erika says if the shoe was on the other foot, would she warm up to the other person? Dorit says she would, and Erika says tha’s not a normal response. Dorit says Erika has been called cold by other people, and LisaV says that Dorit apologized. Erika claims she didn’t, and we flash back to when she did. Erika says she’s grateful, but she doesn’t remember. Dorit “reminds” her of insisting she make PK apologize as well. Erika says she’s done nothing, but Dorit talks sh*t about her. Dorit says Erika doesn’t know who she is.

PK joins the group. He’s the Peter of Beverly Hills. Erika asks if he’d ever said she tried to seduce him. He says no, and says he’s not appreciating watching his wife get ganged up on. He calls Erika inherently cold. He says that Dorit made a joke, and then she apologized, so at what point is it over? Erika says Dorit always has ugly things to say, when she’s been nothing but nice. PK says she’s delusional, and Erika says they haven’t been nice to her. They get stupid, and go back and forth because he calls her honey. Everyone stands around and watches.

Eileen says that Erika isn’t cold. In her interview, she says she can’t imagine Vincent being so “inherently” rude and classless. PK says he didn’t think Erika flashed him on purpose, and Dorit says neither did she. Kyle asks if he thinks Erika was coming on to him, and he says no. Dorit says the only time it came up, is when Eileen brought it up. PK says he doesn’t get it. Eileen tells everyone to stop, and PK leaves. Erika tells Dorit she wants to be friends and let it go. She says it was embarrassing for her. Dorit says if either one of them thought she was that person, they’d never have invited her anywhere. Erika says the underwear thing hurt her feelings, and Dorit apologizes again.

Under the tent, LisaV says she feels like she can’t come to Dorit’s defense without getting bothered about it. Ken makes an inappropriate joke.

Erika says it’s nice to see Dorit being authentic. She wants to have a genuine connection, but says it will be slow. They both say they’re good.

Eden feels that she and LisaR have gone up and down, but Lisa is never present in the friendship. LisaR says that once Eden talked to LisaV, her guard went up and they were done. Nice of her to let Eden know. Eden says she’s given LisaR her energy and heart, and she doesn’t even know her. For her to say they’re done because of that is the worst, and she’s tired of being used as Lisa’s scapegoat when she’s been there for her. Snotrag Lisa says she didn’t ask Eden to be there for her. Eden is yelling and really upset, and says God forbid that Lisa should be there for her. If Lisa says “wow” one more time, I’m going to scream.

Eden storms off. In her interview, Eden can’t believe that she and LisaR were still talking and even going on vacation together, and Lisa didn’t let her know they were done. LisaV follows Eden. Eileen thinks that Eden felt dismissed by everyone. Erika bids everyone good night. Eden tells LisaV what happened. LisaV says she doesn’t need to be loved by everyone. Erika says she’s protective, but everyone has seen she’s human.

LisaR doesn’t take responsibility for anything, but wishes Eden well. In her interview, Eileen says she shouldn’t assume that when she wants to clear the air, that everyone else does too. Lisa says that her words aren’t always appropriate, but there’s always truth in them. I don’t suppose she’ll ever get that being honest doesn’t mean just saying whatever pops into your head.

This was the finale, but there were no interesting what they’re doing now things. With the exception of Erika coming back to The Young and the Restless, and doing Dancing with the Stars. However, there were some worthy parting words. Ever the optimist, LisaV tells us that love and laughter will supersede all, even with this group. And Kyle thinks that if everyone would take more time to get to know one another before judging, they would realize they have more in common than not.

Amen, sista, but next time is the reunion. All those hearts and flowers are going to fly right out the window.

A Few Observations

🍑 Is it me or are the Atlanta Wives on more than the others?

💋 On Little Women: LA, the Briana/Matt saga goes on, this time with Briana’s best friend Lisa telling the ladies that Matt drunk texted her about a dream he had involving the two of them. Lisa tried to tell Briana, who only got upset that Lisa didn’t tell her sooner. Oh, for the love of all that’s holy, dump that guy already. There were more fabulous earrings, and Terra explained the different types of dwarfism very well. They don’t know about D’Artagnan yet. We also found out that one of Elena’s twins has her type of dwarfism. She’s upset about the ladies choosing the taller brother later in life, but Preston thinks they’ll both wow the girls.

🍸 Southern Charm will be starting a Savannah edition on Monday, May 8th at 10 pm. Do we need this? I already don’t like the people as much as the ones in Charleston, but maybe they just took me by surprise.

🌟 I was thinking about my fascination with reading recipes, looking at pictures of food, and watching cooking shows, and came up with my own quote: Those who can’t do, read about it.

 

April 3, 2017 – Good-by Lady Jane, Hello Southern Charm, Vanderkids Reunite & a Sweet Comment

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

So when is Faison getting back to Port Charles already?

Michael finds Larry in his office. Larry claims that he thought it was Tracy’s office.

Laura and Tracy arrive at the monastery in Turkey.

Jason makes a psyche appointment for Jake. Sam is impressed. She asks if they’re moving forward with their other idea, but Jason says it’s not up to him. Sonny arrives, and makes a cute, dimply smile.

Carly tells Josslyn that she’s been distracted. She says she’s been in her own world, and Josslyn asks if her world includes Sonny. Carly says that Sonny has always loved Josslyn, but Josslyn thinks they should divorce.

Someone watches Alexis from outside Kelly’s. She steps outside and sees Jax.

Laura thinks they should find somewhere to sleep before they lose daylight. Tracy wants to find her painting first. She’s concerned that Larry might be a step ahead of her. Two monks pop out, babbling in Turkish. Laura tells Tracy that it’s Turkish for trouble.

Larry says he was looking for the minibar, but Michael says there isn’t one. Larry asks to be pointed in Tracy’s direction, but Ned interrupts saying, no you don’t.

Jax sits down with Alexis. She wonders if it’s a happy coincidence, and apologizes for how she behaved last time. He asks if she’s in recovery. She says she had a relapse, but she’s on the wagon today. He gives her his condolences about Julian. She says she feels him everywhere, and he asks if she wants to talk about it.

Sonny asks what’s up, and Sam says Jason will explain. She tells him Jason has something personal to ask, and to think hard before he makes a decision. Jason tells him they want him to be Scout’s godfather. Isn’t he already a godfather? Ha-ha! They’re also asking Carly to be her godmother.

Carly tells Josslyn that when you love someone, you can’t just turn off the feelings. Josslyn tells her that she’s worth a hundred Sonnys, and to stop messing around and get a divorce. Now tell us how you really feel.

Alexis tells Jax about Olivia-J forcing Julian’s hand, but she doesn’t think anyone else believes he was sincere. Jax says she loved him, and that’s all that matters. Sam walks in, and Jax tells her congratulations on the new baby. He says he has to be somewhere, and leaves. Sam asks if Carly knows he’s in Port Charles.

Carly tries to change the subject, but Josslyn isn’t having it. She says Carly can at least get started with divorce proceedings. Carly says it’s not that simple, but Josslyn says she’s just pretending it is, so she doesn’t have to do it. Carly says it’s painful and complicated, and she has a life with Sonny. It’s going to affect other people, including Josslyn. She says she’s not getting a divorce yet, and Josslyn asks what if Sonny thinks differently?

Sonny tells Jason that if anything should happen to them, he’ll make sure Scout is taken care of. Jason asks if including Carly is going to make him uncomfortable. Sonny wonders if they’re thinking this could bring them back together.

Tracy asks the monks if they have any food, and Laura asks if she wants to star in her own version of Midnight Express. Laura tells Tracy to let her do the talking. While Laura discusses things with the monks, Tracy looks up, talking to Edward. Laura tells Tracy that they’re not getting kicked out after all.

Larry tells Ned there’s nothing to worry about, and Ned says there is with him. He says he has a good friend in the state department; one wrong move, and Larry is back home. Larry says he has the opportunity of a lifetime, and Ned says he’s not getting anywhere near Tracy. Michael tells them that she’s not in yet. Larry says he’ll wait, and Ned says he will too. Olivia-F, who I didn’t even notice was there, introduces herself, and Ned tells Larry that she’s his fiancé.

Michael congratulates them, and Olivia shows off the ring. Michael says he’ll have his assistant track Tracy down, and Olivia goes with him. Ned tells Larry let’s hear it. Larry doesn’t know whether to toast or eulogize him.

Tracy and Laura are shown to a room. Tracy balks at there being only one bed. The monk says something, and Laura says they’re not to leave the room. Women are only allowed there for worship, and services are over for the day. She adds that she told them they’d give a small donation, and Tracy owes them 2000 lira. Tracy wonders where the painting is, but Laura says they claimed not to know about it. She thinks when things quiet down, they should explore.

Sam tells Alexis that she can talk to her, but Alexis feels that she’s cried on Sam’s shoulder enough. Sam says she saw Jason many times after she lost him. Alexis says she got another phone call and heard the noise again. She wonders if she’s going crazy. She says she can’t shake Julian, and can’t seem to let go. Sam sums up what death on a soap is all about – without a body, she can’t believe he’s gone.

Jason tells Sonny that he and Carly have their support no matter what. There’s a knock at the door. No surprise, it’s Carly.

Josslyn starts to leave the house, and finds Jax on the porch.

Ned wonders how Larry could have a problem with Olivia-F, but he says it’s not the choice of partner, it’s the institution itself. Ned says Edward and Lila worked out, but Larry says they were the exception to the rule. Ned says he’s looking to the future, and isn’t repeating his mistakes. Olivia listens from the hallway. Larry tells him about good intentions paving the road to hell, and says no leopard can change its spots. Ned tells him that he and Olivia are honest with each other. He says she’s an extraordinary woman, and makes him want to be a better man. Larry says it does sound like he’s in love. Ned says he’d hoped Larry would be happy for him. Larry says he let the love of his life slip through his fingers. Ned tells Larry how happy he is, and Larry approves. Olivia smiles.

Laura says it’s not a vacation; it’s an adventure. Tracy says she’s more comfortable in a board room, despite what her father thought. Laura says her father admired her and talked about her all the time. He said she was treacherous, duplicitous, and ruthless, and everything he needed to run ELQ. She could be his greatest adversary, but also his best friend. She was his greatest accomplishment.

Sam understands that Alexis can’t move forward without proof. She’s already started investigating.

Sonny asks Jason if it’s a set-up, and Carly says she’ll come back. Jason tells her to stay right there, and explains about asking them to be godparents. Carly says of course she’ll do it. She says it’s about Scout, not them. Sonny says they can come together for that, even though their lives are apart.

Josslyn asks Jax if Carly called and told him about her and Sonny. He’s clueless, and she tells him they’re estranged. He says he needs to talk to her. He has bad news about Lady Jane; she’s passed away. He tears up, and says he’s sorry. They hug.

Laura tells Tracy that Edward thought of her as his heir apparent. Tracy says he disinherited her twice. Laura says she thinks he was afraid of her, but for all of his bluster, he wore his heart on his sleeve. It was clear that he saw a bright, capable woman, who wouldn’t just supplant, but surpass him. Tracy wonders what she’s doing here. Laura asks why it’s hard for her to accept Edward’s love. Tracy says he never said he loved her, and Laura says he was stingy with the words because they were valuable to him.

Michael brings in champagne. Ned makes a toast. Michael asks Olivia-F if she’s moving in to the Quartermaine mansion, but Olivia says they haven’t discussed it. Michael says living with the Quartermaines can be difficult. Olivia says difficult, but rewarding.

Laura tells Tracy that if the trip is going to bring up bad memories, they can scrap it. She can forget all about it. Tracy says good idea, but when they open the door, they hear crying. Tracy says it sounds like a woman, and Laura says they’re the only women there.

Alexis asks Sam if she has a lead. Sam says the call might not have been from Julian. If Julian was worried about criminal charges, he’d get as far away as possible. She tells Alexis that it’s difficult, but not to get her hopes up.

Carly says it’s settled; they’re godparents. Jason thanks them. Carly says what if Sonny had said no, but Jason says there was no plan B. He figured they’d put aside differences for Scout. She leaves, and Sonny follows. He tells her that they need to talk. She says they did, and he said everything she needed to hear. He walks away.

Josslyn tells Jax that her grandmother sounded like she was doing better. She wishes she’d been there. Jax says her grandmother wanted her to remember her the way she was. He says she died in her sleep, and it was peaceful. Josslyn asks if he was there, and he says he was. He says it was sad for him, but she had an amazing life, full of people who loved her. Josslyn was one of the brightest lights in her life. He gives her a letter from her grandmother. She doesn’t want to read it right now. They talk about missing her.

Sam gets back home. Jason says Scout has her godparents, but he’s not so sure about Sonny and Carly getting back together.

Sonny tells Diane to clear the afternoon. He has something for her.

Sam tells Jason that she doesn’t think Alexis can let it go until they can prove Julian is gone. She shows Jason the footage from the gas station camera. He says it could be Julian, but a lot of guys fit that description. Sam gets an alert that Julian’s credit card was used.

Outside Kelly’s, Alexis makes plans to meet Molly for lunch. A hooded figure watches her.

Ned asks about Tracy, and Michael says he’s sure she’s on her way. Ned says she gave her blessing, but that’s before Olivia turned him down the first time. Larry says that Tracy is a pussycat, and Ned says he’s had too much to drink. Larry thinks she’ll be distracted by his proposal. Ned says she’s best resist his scam, but Larry insists he has the deal of a lifetime for the both of them. Michael gets a message, and tells them that Tracy chartered company jet for going to Turkey. Larry does spit take.

Tracy and Laura catch the monks trying to sneak out with the painting. Tracy tells them that she’s Edward’s daughter, and the painting is hers. They uncover the painting, and it’s a portrait of Tracy, during the period when she wore braids on top of her head.

Jax and Josslyn look at photos and reminisce. She asks about a hat that her grandmother is wearing, and Jax says it’s hers. Her grandmother would want her to have it.

We see that the episode is in memory of Barbara Tarbuck. She played Lady Jane on GH, and passed away recently.

Tomorrow, Jason talks to Andre about Jake, Nathan asks Sam if Julian has a plan to leave town, and Tracy wants answers now.

Southern Charm

Thomas brings Landon a flower. Then walks her dog with her. They sit on a park bench. She asks what he thinks will make him happy. He says a partner in life. He thinks they should take a chance. Yuk! But they deserve each other. This could also be a deceptive scene.

Patricia looks up Pug Chauncey’s horoscope.

Shep is scouting the bars, looking for his credit card, which he lost the night before. Cameran calls him a moron, and he says he knows.

Cameran can’t find Craig. She thinks he’s embarrassed about having to admit he didn’t finish law school at the reunion. Well, he wasn’t that hard to find. He’s in his yard building…something. Carpentry is his new hobby, along with gardening. Instead of going out on the weekends, he’s been buying new power tools. He still has plans to study for the bar, but Cameran says no one is holding a gun to his head. He tells her that he wants to be able to say he finished something that he started.

Thomas says his life has taken a transformative change. Kathryn failed a drug test, and now he has the kids. They’re living in the guest house because “kids are messy and destructive.” If they spit up, he wants it to be on a $200 rug, rather than a $30K rug. No comment. Kathryn can’t see the kids until she passes a drug test. What is it? Weed? Please. Or something else? Thomas says his least favorite part isn’t poopy diapers, but concern about their future, especially if something should happen to him.

Shep meets his friend Austen. Austen is already chatting with a couple of girls. They talk about the summer. Shep traveled a lot. He asks if Austen knows Landon, and says that he wants the truth about if she slept with Thomas. We flash back to Landon’s confession of love for Shep. He says it’s the South, so they’re just sweeping that under the rug. The girl Shep had been talking with is leaving, but he can’t remember her name, so no phone number. Austen tells Shep that she’d already given him her number.

Is Austen a new cast member? Omg, he’s telling us all about being newly single, and we see his nakey butt getting into the shower. It’s not a great view, and nobody needs to see this. He He’s originally from Maryland, and tells us that he actually has a job – as a beer company rep. He gets paid to drink and talk about beer. This is a real job? He flashes back to his parents telling him that he needs to support himself. They actually work too.

Whitney visits his mom, who’s doing a needlepoint of Chauncey. She has a new buzzer instead of a bell. She calls for Michael, the great martini maker, and they order drinks. Whitney tells her about a trip he took to Mexico, where they didn’t do any drinking, an just smoked weed. Patricia gives him a lecture, and brings up Kathryn, so that answers that question. In her interview, she seems sincere in hoping that Kathryn turns her life around. I think what Kathryn needs is rehab from Thomas. Patricia tells Whitney about an Uncle Philip, who went from a government job to working at Blockbuster because he smoked too much weed. It reminds me of one of those old, laughable PSAs.

Landon goes paddle boarding. And promptly falls off. She tells us that her life was a complete mess last year, and we flash back to some of that. She’s annoyed about the Thomas affair gossip, because her reputation is at stake. She spent the summer traveling, and now it’s time to face the bullsh*t again. Craig calls, and they talk about an upcoming pool party. She doesn’t think she and Shep are cool, even though Shep says they are. She’s bringing a friend named Drew, but when Craig asks if they’re dating, she avoids the question. Omg, she’s thirty-five. Seriously, is it me, or are people more immature today?

Thomas plays some polo with Eliza, the daughter of one of his close friends, and she keeps calling him grandpa. He’s too stupid to be insulted. She invites him to a party on Sunday (is this the pool party?) and he tells her that she should invite Kathryn. She tells him that she got a weird text from Kathryn, and she’d been kicked out of where she was living. She says she became friends with Kathryn before all this happened, and Thomas thinks it’s going to be a long road. Eliza says Kathryn needs Jesus. No doubt in my mind.

Shep meets Cameron at a beachwear shop. They’re looking for new suits for the party. She asks who he’s bringing, and he says Austen. Cameron asks if Austen is replacing Craig, and tells him she’s bringing Chelsea. She thinks Chelsea might be the mystical unicorn who changes Shep. They talk about Craig. Shep thinks the bar is over for him, since it’s been three years. In his interview, Shep says he’s over Craig and trying to help him. Cameran says that Craig is insecure. Shep says he’s from a family that’s basically jocks, and he wrote a cookbook. He’s not like them, and decided he wanted to be like a Southern bon vivant, and trying to be something he’s not. He wonders if Craig lies to his girlfriend. He says there’s no way Craig is cheating on her, and gives a funny analogy about Craig trying to get some, involving monkeys and whorehouses.

Kathryn calls Craig as he’s driving with girlfriend Naomie. She says she’s trying to get her life back on track, and living with her family in the meantime. She says she’d like to see them. Naomie has to get back to school, but Craig says he has time. In his interview, he admits his life has been calmer without her. We flash back, but none of the angst shown is actually Kathryn’s fault. Kathryn says it isn’t public knowledge that she’s back. After they hang up, Craig feels weird that they’re on their way to Landon’s house. They agree not to mention the call.

The guests start to gather for the pool party. Cameron says it’s 150 degrees and immediately puts on her bathing suit. I often think I wouldn’t mind living in Charleston, but then I remember how freaking hot it is there. She says Craig has promised to retire the Speedo. Shep introduces Austen as his protégée, but Austen says he’s a younger, better version of Shep.

As soon as they arrive at Landon’s, Craig tells her about talking to Kathryn. She pretends not to care that Craig is still friends with her. She says it’s a red flag that Kathryn went to rehab so far away and she couldn’t see her children. Um…it’s possible that there were reasons for that. Craig says sober Kathryn is awesome, and they talk about the kids. Landon says she can’t even go to lunch with Thomas without someone saying something nasty. In his interview, Craig says it doesn’t matter if they actually hooked up, Landon and Thomas were having an emotional affair, and it hurt Kathryn. He goes to say that an emotional affair can be even worse than a physical one, and I stare open-mouthed at the TV, because Craig is being so incredibly perceptive.

The pool party is in full swing. Cameran is drinking something called Frozé, which sounds God awful. In his interview, Thomas says that all the talk about them widened the gap between him and Landon. Ew! JD shows up and I don’t like him. Thomas chats with Landon about the summer. She thinks she can hear people talking behind her back, but I don’t hear them, so I don’t know if she’s just being dramatic. What annoys her most is that even if she had been with Thomas, it’s not like he and Kathryn are together. Did I just hear Thomas say that Landon has BO?

Whitney arrives. Everyone seems to be getting reacquainted, so I guess they don’t see much of each other in the summer. If it’s that hot when it’s not summer, I’d be gone too. In her interview, Landon says that Shep hasn’t reached out to apologize or anything, but in true Southern fashion, she acts glad to see him when she wants to tell him f-u. I’m not sure what he’s supposed to apologize for. Not returning her affection?

Thomas acts like an idiot per usual, urging the female guests to go topless. Shep talks to Naomie on the porch. He thinks Craig should do something unconventional, like being a chef. He doesn’t think Craig really wants to be a lawyer. He asks about Craig’s application to the bar, but Naomie says he should talk to Craig. Shep says he refuses to make himself vulnerable when that’s what friendship is about. What happened to these guys that they’re suddenly so astute? He tells Naomie that she’s the best thing that’s happened to Craig.

There’s a waterslide and beach balls and floaties and all kinds of fun stuff. Kathryn’s cousin, Shelby (there always has to be one), is there, and word has it, Kathryn is coming. Shelby says she’s worried about Kathryn, and had to ask her to move. I guess her place is where Kathryn was given the boot. She says Kathryn completed the program, but doesn’t seem any better.

Naomie tells them about the phone call, and says Kathryn sounded great. Thomas says she won’t take another drug test, and thinks it’s because she’ll fail. Cameran says she has respect for him stepping up for the kids. Ew! JD says he keeps thinking Kathryn is going to walk in wearing a ballgown, and make a statement.

Meanwhile, Kathryn goes to an appointment for a drug test.

This season, lots of drinking and parties, a toast to the bourgeoisie, Kathryn and Shep do yoga, Patricia presents an Indian psychic healer, Naomie asks Craig if he wants to be a lawyer and he tells her she’s being “dumb,” Austen hooks up with Shelby, Kathryn joins the group again, Jennifer is still around, and Shep tells Craig that if you mess with the bull, you get the horns. I can’t even believe anyone says that.

Vanderpump Rules – Reunion Part One

Reunions are tough to recap because everyone always starts talking at once, or even better, screeching at once. They should put in subtitles, or a flow chart in the corner.

Andy introduces Lisa as the Empress of SUR. No, Andy, she is the Queen of the World, She Who Can Do No Wrong. Introductions are made, and we find out that Stassi went on the honeymoon with Katie and Schwartz. Thank God Tom has gotten a haircut and those ridiculous highlights are gone. Scheana has a fresh cut too, and it looks amazing.

Jax is up first. Omg, Andy forgot to introduce Kristen. He remembered because of course we’re going over the Brittany/Kristen debacle. Kristen insists it didn’t happen, but James believes Jax. Britanny says it was just a kiss, and that they weren’t even nakey. Andy basically asks Jax if he has no shame, and he doesn’t. Andy moves on.

The wedding is discussed. The budget issue is brought up, and Schwartz has to agree that he was delusional thinking it could be pulled off on the cheap. Ew! We revisit the butt steaks. Andy asks Stassi how it felt to be back in the friend loop and be a bridesmaid, and she says it was everything. They talk about prenups. Lisa can’t figure out why Schwartz and Katie bothered, since they had fifty bucks between them. She says Shay was a different story, although Scheana says she had nothing at the time either.

Jax and Brittany have moved. To Schwartz and Katie’s building. And their floor. Katie says she doesn’t want it to be a dorm situation, and wasn’t too happy about it. Brittany tells us the story about Jax losing his temper at the apartment management, and they basically were asked to leave. Jax says they weren’t evicted, but got “move out papers,” whatever that means.

Focusing on James. Lisa says he was a good DJ until he screwed up. They talk about James’s lack of self-control. We flash back to James spinning at World Dog Day, and reminding people to pick up their dog’s poop. Apparently, he played all his own music.

Lisa talks about World Dog Day and how successful it was. Andy says he can mark the start of summer by Lisa getting a new Porsche. They discuss Katie picking up the car, and how Katie got annoyed at Schwartz when they were at the dealer. Schwartz tells everyone one again that his penis works, and says Jax can verify that.

Next is the tragedy in Orlando, and Lisa’s decision to continue on with the Pride events. They have the coolest flashback using a filter that brings out only a few colors, Lisa’s pink outfit being the predominant one. Lisa gets emotional, and says she felt that they could either go home or stand strong, but she didn’t hold it against anyone who didn’t join in. The employees who sat it out make their excuses. Lisa says it was an incredible success, and she’s glad she made the decision. We flash back to the craziness at PUMP. We hear that Katie sent a snotty text message about the celebration, and Katie says there are better ways to show support, other than pouring alcohol down someone’s throat. Ariana says it wasn’t about them having fun, it was about the Pride attendees having fun. Andy tells everyone that Lala will be joining them, and a lot of faces are made.

We go over Lala’s tattoos. Andy asks about the feud with Katie. Katie says Lala acted like a drunken a-hole at her engagement party, and she didn’t see her after that, but Lala was talking a lot about her. Lala says before Katie ever even knew her, Katie called her a whore. She calls Katie a mean girl.

Andy wants to know why Lala said some things. He goes over some really stupid stuff that Lala has said, like calling Stassi old. He asks why Lala said that Katie and Schwartz would get divorced, and Lala says because that’s what she thinks. She finally admits that she just said stuff to be hurtful. She says if someone keeps coming at her, she gets more hurt and lashes out. She says she doesn’t get them, and James suggests they liked hating on her. Kristen says he did too, until he hooked up with her. Tom says that Lala did nothing to deserve the treatment she got, and Kristen says she trashed them on social media.

We revisit Jax almost thumping James. Tom says Jax is all bark and no bite, but Jax says he was on probation, so he had to stand down. Andy asks why James talked about Scheana having work done, and James apologizes for everything he’s ever said – almost. They talk about Lala’s comment that no one has been working on their summer bodies, and Stassi says Lala doesn’t take responsibility for her remarks.

Schwartz talks about Ariana and Tom being on Lala’s side, and Katie gets pissed off all over again. Tom says she takes no responsibility for provoking it, and it’s an ongoing thing. He says when she first met Lala, Katie was constantly giving her sh*t. He says he’s normally protective of the group when a new person is introduced, but she went on a rampage.

Andy tells Lisa that the unsung heroes of SUR are the chefs, and he goes behind-the-scenes in the kitchen to interview them. He talks about each of the girls and the chefs give their opinions. It turns out that they have quite a few opinions, even on the Brittany/Kristen thing. BTW, they think Jax is no good for Brittany. He also steals something every time he comes in the kitchen. And they like Brittany’s boobs. I’m sure Jax will be proud.

James is still dating Raquel. Andy asks about GG saying he had sex with her, which he continues to deny. Ariana claims that GG wanted to worm her way into the group, but Stassi says that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. We move on to Ellie’s claim, and the picture she had as evidence. Lisa isn’t buying that James is being honest. Andy asks if anyone believes that James didn’t sleep with GG and Ellie. James says don’t anyone rush to raise your hands when not one person does, and it gets seriously quiet. James says he loves Raquel and he’s never been happier. He talks about his relationship with Kristen being toxic, and Jax says it got him on the show. <snort!>

Stassi says that James is like GG, and he imitates Stassi crawling back to the show, literally getting down on the floor. It is pretty funny, and even Stassi laughs. Andy asks if James has been drinking today, and he says not yet.

Lisa thinks that Lala puts on a gansta image, but that’s not who she is. She says that Lala was also a great hostess, and the customers loved her. Ariana talks about how she tried to get Lala and the other girls to kiss and make up, and we flash back to that. Scheana says her apology was sincere, but Kristen doesn’t think so. Andy asks Katie about rage texting Scheana after talking to Stassi. Stassi says prior to that, everything she and Scheana had talked about was the opposite, and when the heat is on, Scheana cowers. Here comes the talking all at once. Stassi calls Scheana a flip-flopper. Katie says they tried to be honest with their feelings, and there’s more talking and loudness and finger-pointing.

Tom says that Katie exaggerated what the other girls said. Ariana says they tried to talk to Stassi about what happened and it blew up. Stassi says she was drunk AF, and we flash back to when she ran into the bathroom crying. It’s true that this group loves to bring up serious and/or important topics when they’ve all been drinking their faces off. Ariana gives her impression of Stassi. Scheana says they make her nervous, and Tom says he feels the same way; you never know what’s going to cause an eruption. James thinks Stassi is the boss and the head bitch. Tom says that Katie was emotionally vulnerable, and instead of being the voice of reason, Stassi and Kristen encouraged her behavior. Stassi maintains that the problem isn’t anyone having a differing opinion, but she doesn’t like how Scheana went back and forth.

Andy calls Brittany “Switzerland.” She says she and Scheana are super close, and she knows Scheana sometimes felt bullied. Lala seconds that, and says she’s seen it firsthand. She wants to know why it’s hard for them to back down for friendship’s sake. Katie says she mismanaged her emotions this summer, and wasn’t ready to accept Lala’s apology. Lala interrupts, but Andy says let her finish, and Katie apologizes. She says she was stubborn against Lala. She wasn’t in a good place with herself or her body image. She says what she did wasn’t okay. She can’t justify it, and apologizes.

Lala tears up and says she’s waited a long time for someone to say they’re sorry for hurting her feelings. She says her mouth is vicious, and she has to work on it daily. Tom thinks she and Katie are more alike than they know. Lala says she doesn’t hate Katie in any way of the word. Andy says headway has been made.

Thank you, Katie, for saying that you had an ugly moment, not that it wasn’t you. I don’t know if you realize how mature that is.

Next time, Reunion Part Two, Stassi’s little brother gives Jax a lecture, James gets on his high horse, Katie’s drinking is addressed, and Lala is questioned about the married man.

🐮 I’m really enjoying Sweet Home Oklahoma. The cast seems genuine, and genuinely funny.