Tag Archives: Lisa Vanderpump

Nov24

November 23, 2015 — GH,SUR & Vicki

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Anna makes an appointment with Dr. Andre, but says she has nothing to say. Well, there’s a waste of everyone’s time and money. Dr. Andre says he thinks it all has something to do with Duke. I finally had to look up Dr. Andre’s name, since no one will say it. I can’t believe I can’t get it to stick in my head when I used to go to a Dr. Andre.

Michael asks Sabrina why she canceled the sono.

Carly tells Sonny she thinks Morgan is in trouble. To back this up, Morgan acts like he’s out of his mind at the cabin. He runs outside and Kiki hears a gunshot.

Jason asks Helena how he can get his memory back.

Carly says Morgan has been more reckless than usual and she thinks he’s building to a manic episode. Building? He’s there. Morgan tells Kiki he just shot at a branch, but he’s sure there’s something out there and to stay inside and get down. Great.

Anna says peace isn’t an option for her at this point and she has a flashback of shooting Carrrlos. She tells Dr. Andre she was thinking about Duke.

Sabrrrina says the more she invests in the baby, the greater she’ll feel the loss if she doesn’t go to term. Michael asks if she’s not afraid he won’t stick around, and that he won’t be like that; he can’t wait for the baby to come. Until it comes out with an accent. Michael’s phone rings. It’s Kiki who tells him Morgan needs him.

Sam asks if there isn’t an antidote. Helena says Sam has an overactive imagination. She says she had nothing to do with Jason’s memory loss and there’s no such thing as an amnesia drug. (Ok, but I guess you can freeze someone for years and they wake up good as new.) Jason realizes that he lost his memory when he was in the car accident and Helena wasn’t involved with that. Jason asks who else knew his real identity. I doubt Helena is going to out Nicholas, but who knows with her.

Kiki explains what’s going on and Michael rushes out. Felix comes in and scolds Sabrrrina for not telling Michael about her concern that it’s Carrrlos’s baby.

Anna talks about her relationship with Duke, the ups and downs, and how they still loved each other no matter what. She said they became agonizingly close to making it, but then he was gunned down, collapsed when he got to her, and died in the hospital. Check Cassadine Island. Maybe he’s in the freeze tank. She tells the doctor that Julian was the man behind the murder, but Carrrlos carried it out. Instead of going after Carrrlos to turn state’s evidence, she killed him.

Carly and Sonny argue over who’s responsible for Morgan not seeing a shrink. I guess it couldn’t possibly be Morgan, since he’s 12. Michael pops into the gym and tells them that he heard from Kiki and thinks he knows where they are.

Kiki can’t find Morgan and picks up the phone to call Carly. Morgan comes in behind her and asks who she’s calling.

Helena likes how Jason gets to the point. She says she’s a connoisseur of irony and the room is filled with it. Boy, did she get that right. She calls out all the idiots as always. She reminds Elizabeth of her baby charade, and says she (meaning herself) has done worse, but never claimed to be an innocent flower. Sam tells her to quit stalling and Nicholas says she’s not, she doesn’t know the answer. Au contraire, Helena says, she’s going to make their trip worthwhile. I love her so much!

Anna says according to criminal justice, she murdered Carrrlos, even though she tried to kid herself that she did the world a good deed. Dr. Andre says he’s choosing to keep her confidence, and she needs to process what she did and how it’s affected her view of herself. Anna tells him someone else knows and is holding it over her head.

Carly and Michael leave for the cabin. Epiphany tells Sonny he has to stay. I’m sure she’ll be sitting at the mob boss table in no time, since she has the personality for it.

Morgan wants to know why Kiki was trying to call Carly, since they’re in this together. She tells him he’s making her nervous with the gun and to put it down. Surprisingly, he does. Then he tries to put the moves on her.

Helena tells Jason that the life he had is over, and he should figure out how to work with what he has now. Jason asks again who knew he was Jason. Helena starts to tell him and – you’ve got to be kidding me – she goes unconscious. With no warning? This is just not fair and I am not amused.

Anna says she can’t risk exposing her blackmailer. She says she’s going to comply until she’s in a position to turn the tables. Time’s up! Dr. Andre says it was a positive step and Anna thanks him.

Elizabeth tries CPR. The doctor comes in and pronounces Helena dead. I refuse to believe it. Nicholas tells the doctor to fix it and he says he can’t. I still refuse to believe it. Nicholas says he wants “a moment,” and the others leave. He tells Helena that he assumes she didn’t want it to end like this. And I still refuse to believe it. We thought Glenn from The Walking Dead was dead too, until last night. Get that woman into the freezer stat!

Carly shows up at the cabin with Michael and Max. Michael gives the gun to Max. Morgan whines that no one is taking Kiki away from him. Has he confused her with the gun? Carly says they’re there to help him.

Felix wants to cancel his Thanksgiving plans, but Sabrrrina says she can handle things and that she finally sees a way forward.

Anna thought she saw a way forward, but then sees Carrrlos. I guess that session didn’t exactly set everything right. I swear, Carrrlos is getting more play on this show dead than he did alive.

Epiphany says Carly is very capable and a great mom, so Sonny has nothing to worry about. She tells him that he’s no angel, but he’s always done right by his children. Sonny frets that Morgan got his mental illness from him.

Morgan insists Kiki doesn’t want to leave. Kiki says she’s the one who called Michael. Carly tells Morgan that she’s sure he’s feeling awesome right now, but it’s going to change when he comes down. He says he’s changed his mind about seeing a shrink and doesn’t want to. Carly says she loves him and won’t give up on him. She says if he gets evaluated at the hospital, and they say there’s nothing wrong, she’ll back off. Morgan tries to leave, but Max grabs him

Elizabeth tries to say everything’s cool and let’s go home. Jason says too bad about Helena, he wants to know the truth now. Nicholas tells him the Jason he knew wouldn’t be wallowing in self-pity, so apparently his face isn’t the only thing that changed. I’m not sure where he’s getting the self-pity thing from though. Why shouldn’t he want to know?

Anna chases Carrrlos’s ghost and finds a pendant on the ground. It’s engraved with Carrrlos and Sabrrrina. Just as I’m about to say that ghosts don’t wear jewelry, Carrrlos shows up at Sabrrrina’s door. YEEESSS! Although it’s probably not good to startle a pregnant woman like that.

Jason attacks Nicholas. He tells him to go ahead and grieve, but he’ll see him later. The doctor says Helena’s passing was unexpected, that he thought she had at least a few months. Well, I think she still does because I don’t believe it. Elizabeth takes Jason by the hand like he’s one of her kids and they leave with Sam in the rear.

Nicholas tells Helena that he hated her as much as he respected her, that she was elegant, fearless and didn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thought about her. He says he’ll find a way to grieve and I fully expect her to sit up and slap him upside the head.

Sonny tells Epiphany how he hid his illness so no one would think he was weak, and he gave Morgan the same attitude. He says Morgan doesn’t want to take the medication and give up the highs, and admits he feels the same way, but still takes his meds.

Morgan tells Carly and Kiki he hates them as Max and Michael drag him out the door.

Tomorrow, more Carrrlos!

Vanderpump Rules

Katie has a fashion blog, and is discussing her vision with Scheana. Scheana fills in Katie and Schwartz on her talk with Lisa about Shay. Schwartz has been knocked for a loop that Shay is having addiction problems. Well, Scheana was good at keeping it a secret and then let everyone know at once.

Scheana is doing a photo shoot for Katie’s blog, but she’s having a hard time putting on her happy face.

Lala is at the SUR register and Jax comes over to bother her. Jax is just so undesirable, I don’t get why all the ladies are attracted to him. I guess Lala is from Utah, and Jax asks some obscene TMI questions about Mormons. We all know Jax has a foot fetish and it makes me think about that too. Lisa breaks up the conversation because, you know, you’re supposed to work at work.

Lisa basically says don’t crap in your own backyard, and doesn’t like that out of all the women in L.A., Jax has to bug her hostess. Jax’s not-a-girlfriend-yet is going to be moving to L.A. and Lisa says she’s in for some disappointment since Jax doesn’t know what the word “commitment” means.

The guys all go for a night out. James talks about how often he and Kristen break up. He says all they do is fight until they find something new to fight about. They’re going for counseling, and Tom says the therapist is going to end up needing a therapist. Schwarz is acting all mature and talking about getting a real job.

Jax asks what they think about Lala. James is obviously getting quite intoxicated and a lot of animation goes along with it. He says something that barely makes sense; so much so, that I can’t even put it together in my head to type out.

James wakes up with a hangover – and Kristen in his face. Who needs this kind of life? She talks to him like she’s his mom. He says he’s been away for 38 seconds, and it’s already the worst day of his life.

They go to couples therapy. Kristen says she’s been going to therapy for 9 months (!) already and it’s done a world of good. I think she’s wasting her money. The therapist says it sounds like there’s some unhealthy things happening. This is an understatement. She says they have to stop the retaliation thing. James lists the lies that Kristen has told in the past, and says she tries to parent him. (What did I say?) Kristen claims he has a lack of responsibility. She talks about him cheating with her ex-friend, Jenna. James lied and told her that he only made out with Jenna, so I’m not sure if she considers that cheating or if she knows he really did have sex with Jenna. The therapist asks if they want to work it out or do they just want to stay angry and keep hurting each other? Kristen says what they’re doing isn’t working (another understatement) and James heaves a huge sigh.

Swartz, Ariana, Tom and Katie are triple dating with Peter and his girlfriend, Sara. Sara has a 4 year old, and Schwartz says they’ve never met a grown-up before. Ha-ha! They all discuss their views on marriage. Tom says he could see getting married, but Ariana isn’t so sure that’s what she wants. Everyone looks at Schwartz because it’s down to the wire with Katie’s proposal ultimatum.

Tom brings up Shay. Schwartz says it’s obvious he and Scheana aren’t communicating. Well, yeah, he hasn’t been home in days. Ariana says they’re both good at putting up a happy front. They talk about Shay’s drinking and how it’s just depressing him more. Tom says because Shay isn’t bringing in the bucks right now, he feels inferior. He thinks they should have a couple’s intervention.

James flirts with Lala at the first opportunity.

Tom and Schwartz want to approach Lisa about an idea. Schwartz says that he’s been on enough auditions to know you have to dress the part, so they wear their business attire. Or what passes for that in L.A. They go to Lisa’s phenomenal house, Villa Rosa. First, Tom talks about Shay. They agree that he’s feeling emasculated. Tom asks if Lisa could give him a job at PUMP. She says he needs to get clean and sober before he can execute a work plan, and she doesn’t think working in a bar will help. She does say that she’s impressed with their concern for their friend. So am I.

Pandora and her husband, Jason, are also there, looking gorgeous as ever. Tom talks about how he goes back to St. Louis once a year and he’s well-known there and wants to promote Lisa’s sangria. Pandora says she gets it, but she thinks it should be a global endeavor. Lisa says the guys probably don’t quite understand how big this could be. Pandora says they constantly get resumés, but of course they’d rather go with local people they know. She says they’d have to take it seriously, not like they do their jobs at SUR. Lisa tells them to think about it. Schwartz says walking out with a homework assignment wasn’t ideal, but it was better than a no.

Schwartz and Katie come to visit Scheana, who’s waiting for Shay to come home. Tom and Ariana follow. Scheana says Shay is more comfortable talking in a group setting, so she’s invited them there for…what? I guess to discuss their issues. Shay comes in. Hugs all around.  Shay and Scheana both start crying.

Shay says he’s been going through a lot of personal stuff and he’s been staying with his parents. He says he got everyone’s messages, but needed space. Tom asks if he feels like he’s addicted to the. Shay says he’s been taking five a day and at max, ten. I’m pretty sure no doctor is prescribing ten a day unless you’re dying. He says he’s been on them since he’s known them, which is definitely news. He says he was afraid of being judged, so he never said anything. Scheana says she didn’t realize she’d married an addict and she feels like he’s miserable with her. She says she’s been unhappy and lonely, and why did he marry her? Tom tells her to pull back. Shay says he’s intimidated by her, that when he expresses himself, she interrupts him and controls the conversation. He says he’d rather just stay in the background. Ariana says Shay needs to be more assertive and Scheana needs to give it a rest.

Shay apologizes and says he’s back to stay. He says he has to work on some things and Scheana says he needs to be more forward and cut her off. He needs to tell her to stop and let him finish. I like the both of them and hope they’re able to work things out. I don’t think either one of them is the brightest bulb in the box, but that’s less important than their good hearts.

Jax brings not-quite-a-girlfriend, Britney, in for an interview at PUMP. Once again, she shows up underdressed. Lisa asks for her resumé, and once again, she doesn’t have it. Has she ever had a job before? Lisa asks where she’s worked. Hooters. I’m not making that up either. Yes, I know it’s a job, but she might as well have said McDonald’s. Lisa says it’s good she didn’t bring her resumé, because it gives her a reason to say it’s not going to work out. She tells Britney that it’s a problem because she’s dating Jax. Jax says they don’t have to work at the same restaurant, but she tells them inter-company dating isn’t encouraged. Bye, Felicia.

Shay and Scheana are having dinner on tray tables. She says she can’t wait until they eat like humans at a real dining table. He feels he hasn’t been able to get a word in edgewise, and she says she’s working on it. Shay says he wants to leave the person he was behind. Apparently, Scheana doesn’t understand addiction, because she says in her individual interview that she doesn’t think a completely sober person would be fun to be married to, and thinks it’s okay for him to just get a buzz on once in a while. Then she presents him with a drug test, and says she’ll give him a pass on weed. If I was him, I’d be stocking up on those loose joints from the park right now. She says she wants to be able to trust him again, and I get where she’s coming from, but geez. Overwhelm him why don’t you?

Cool! Julie and Brandy from The People’s Couch are doing commercials for Bravo now – and hosting the Vanderpump Rules after show.

Scheana sits down with Lisa. She says that they had a good conversation and thinks they’re on the right track. Lisa says that he’s been on drugs for 8 years, so it’s not going to happen overnight. Lisa says how does she know he’s not lying? Scheana says because she’s giving him urine tests. Lisa says that’s not the foundation for a healthy marriage.

Next week, Kristen and James call it quits, and Kristen confronts Lala about James. Scheana continues to be delusional.

Watch What Happens Live – One on One with Vicki Gunvalson

Andy starts off with discussing City of Hope having issued a statement that they’d never treated Brooks. Vicki talks about how she actually met him there, supposedly after a chemo treatment, and they were all over the place. I gotta hand it to him. If this was a ruse, it was certainly a complicated one. Seriously.

Andy asks if she was vulnerable because her love tank was empty. She says she definitely had blinders on about a lot of things. She says he was so attentive, it was like she had a wife. He sounds like he was a decent boyfriend. It’s just all so bizarre.

They go through a lot of the medical stuff, how it didn’t make sense, and how Brooks had an answer for everything. She says that once the women started “circling,” she was arguing with him every night. She was obviously questioning the whole thing too, but what? Didn’t want it to blow up on TV? None of this makes me dislike Meghan any less though. I’ve said it before that I think the death of Vicki’s mother caused her to have a breakdown or a disconnect (word of the day) or whatever, and that the women’s approach to her was all wrong, especially Meghan, who she didn’t know from a hole in the ground.

Brooks did really show symptoms of being sick, and someone suggested to Vicki that he was ingesting eye drops (!) to get violently ill. Andy asks if she thinks he has cancer and she says no. Vicki says that she thinks because no one liked Brooks to begin with, he concocted this whole thing to get sympathy and be relatable. Again, my hat’s off to him for being so detailed and dedicated.

Andy says that the women, as well as many viewers, think she was in on it. I don’t. I think she was delusional and had the love blinders on, but I don’t think she was in on some kind of plot. Vicki makes individual public apologies to everyone. Vicki says she messed up by not believing the girls, but she wasn’t being malicious. She said she had to come to the truth in her own time. Andy reads a tweet (ugh!) from Gretchen, who is surprisingly sympathetic, especially since she lost her fiancé to cancer.

Vicki says if she had it to do over, she wouldn’t have divorced Don. She’s going to see him over Thanksgiving. Oddly enough the psychic who started the whole Brooks thing had said they would get back together. Vicki says that would be great from her end, but she doesn’t think Don has gotten over the hurt.

Andy asks if she’s afraid of Brooks. It doesn’t seem so, and really, there isn’t much he can do to her. Send mean tweets? Please.

Vicki talks about the position she was in. Her mother dying, Brooks having been diagnosed (as far as she knew), her family being far away, and being all alone filming a reality show. She said it was easier to fix what she had than to start over. Andy asks if she’s in denial over the severity of the situation. She says she hopes Brooks loved her, doubts he did, but she’s not in denial.

Vicki looks good. The whole thing is just sad, and I hope she’s able to move on. I think she is. It’s those others I’m concerned about.

Nov17

November 16, 2015 -Bon Voyage, Jason & Come Back, Shay

Posted on by
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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Ava is going on a field trip with Avery to the aquarium. Paul shows up at the door with a teddy bear and some guy hanging onto him. Huh? I’m not kidding.

Sonny is back to his old jerk self, telling Carly that if she has a problem with his furniture rearrangement, she can move out. Another huh?

Sam tells Patrick that she and Jason kissed.

Jason tells Nicholas it’s all up to him now.

Tracy tells Hayden that her inbred euro trash prince stole ELQ, and they’re getting it back her way. I laugh because Graham Norton has a game on his talk show called “Gay or Euro Trash?”

Since videos play really slow in Robin’s lab, we see the same thing we saw Friday, with bad dude showing her Emma being tempted to go off with some woman looking for her dog. I swear, if that kid goes off with anyone she doesn’t know, I will denounce Patrick as a bad father. She’s certainly old enough to have been taught not to do that. Geez, you’d think Spencer might have even told her, since he acts like he’s old enough to be somebody’s dad.

Commercial break. It’s that “bad choices” commercial for Prego with the decades of hairdos. It always makes me laugh because I once had a body perm and my father asked why I got an “afro.”

Sonny doesn’t want anything changed to accommodate his wheelchair. Carly gives up talking to him and leaves. She tells the contractor putting in the railings to put them…well, no she didn’t say that, but she’s pretty frustrated. Sonny will be singing a different tune when he crashes into something or wants to take a shower. Sonny tells his henchman, Max, to keep an eye on Ava.

Paul has brought a nanny cam teddy for Ava, but she wonders who he wants to keep an eye on. There was absolutely no explanation about the guy hanging on him who is no longer there. Paul wants Ava to get back to work. Pushy, pushy.

Hayden says no worries, Nicholas is going down. That’s kind of too bad, since I really like them together. I’m hoping she’ll bring him down secretly and then be there to pick up the pieces.

Jason says that Nicholas knew who he was the entire time. I say, please get a clue about Elizabeth. He says the DNA test was 9 months ago and he had to have known.

Awkward moments between Sam and Patrick. She explains that she and Jason were going down Memory Lane about Danny and they kissed. She says that she thought maybe it would bring back memories for him, but it didn’t. Patrick wonders what would have happened if Jason had remembered.

The stranger woman says Emma reminds her of her daughter, Lark. (Wasn’t there a Lark on GH years ago?) Emma tells her that her mother is named after a bird too. The woman wants Emma to help her look for her lost dog, but Emma is like, no way I’m not supposed to go with strangers. The woman says the standard, I’m not a stranger, I’m Bella (the dog) and Lark’s mommy. They give you “info” about themselves so they suddenly seem familiar. Where the blip is Chris Hansen or somebody from Dateline when you need them?

Tracy asks how Hayden can go from playing footsy to blackmail. Hayden says if she told her, Tracy wouldn’t have much use for her. Emma gets grabbed by the woman, and they’re not far away, so when Emma screams, Tracy comes to the rescue (ah-ha! in Nelson voice). The woman disappears by the time Tracy gets there. Back at the lab, Robin brags to bad dude how great her kid is and he says she’s safe…for now.

Sam tells Patrick she still loves him. Patrick barrages her with questions, saying he can’t just wait in the wings while Sam decides what she wants to do because he can’t give her ten minutes to get her bearings. He gets a call from Tracy and runs out the door.

Nicholas says he got no results from the test, so his grandmother must have tampered with it. Oh yeah, blame the old lady. Jason says he has fragments coming back, and that he visited Sam and Danny. Elizabeth has a mini heart attack and he says he’s not going to just cut them out of his life. When Elizabeth leaves, Jason tells Nicholas that he wants the life that was stolen from him back and Nicholas is going to help whether he likes it or not.

Lucas (who I constantly want to call “Nathan”) tells Carly she needs to find a new “target” for Sonny, so he won’t take his anger out on her. Morgan offers to spy on Ava, but Sonny tells him don’t get involved.

Ava tells Paul she’s not sure she’s the right woman for the job, while sporting a lovely smoky eye that matches her outfit beautifully. Paul says he has every confidence in her, and she asks just what he’s actually dealing in. Good luck with that, since after 30 years, we still don’t know what Sonny does.

Lucas suggests a therapist for Sonny. Yeah, like he’s going to go for that one when he won’t even let them put in a railing.

Ava wants to know what merchandise she’ll be moving. She says the more she knows, the easier it is to adapt. Paul says he has to take care of his number one, meaning her, and they kiss. Morgan is at the door hollering – with that guy hanging off of him. What is this? A singles bar?

Bad dude says if there’s a next time, by the time an Amber Alert is issued, Emma will be long gone. Robin says they promised not to harm her family. But bad dude says that’s conditional on her cooperation. Didn’t she know that already?

Patrick arrives at the park, and Emma says she did what she was told to do. (Good job, Patrick!) A policewoman has taken the description of the stranger and Patrick tells Emma, let’s goes home. She asks if Sam and Danny will be there since Danny’s father came back.

Jason says rather than assaulting Nicholas, he’s going to take everything from him and leave him bankrupt. He says he’s going to exercise his right as a Quartermaine and get his ELQ stock back.

Snot rag Elizabeth shows up at Sam’s and says it’s time they talk about Jason. Go away, you lying, scheming witch.

Carly tells Lucas he was the voice of sanity she needed. Too bad they’re not dealing with a sane person (I.e. Sonny). He is rocking a nice beard though. Sonny says he’s the only one allowed to touch Ava. He also has doubts that Morgan will keep his nose out of it.

I guess that guy at Ava’s door is some kind of guard who is a little aggressive. Or has abandonment issues. Ava shoves Paul into another room and allows Morgan to come in. He says he’s there to bring some of Avery’s stuff. She says Morgan is welcome to see Avery whenever he likes.

Patrick asks how Emma found out about Jason. She says Spencer told her, since Patrick couldn’t be bothered. She starts to cry and asks if Sam is going away like her mommy did.

Bad dude says Robin controls what happens to her child. Robin says that Jason is alive now, and knows she wouldn’t willingly leave her family and will look for her. When he finds her, Robin says, bad dude will die. If I was her, I might be keeping that information to myself.

Jason tells Hayden to beat it, it doesn’t concern her, but she won’t leave. Nicholas again passes the buck to his grandmother.

Tyrant Elizabeth wonders why Sam dropped the motorcycle off in the middle of the night. She says Jason is still her fiancé. Sam says Jason is still her husband, and why doesn’t Elizabeth drop the act, since she just wants to mark her territory. I get a mental picture of a dog with Elizabeth’s head peeing on a fire hydrant.

Sam asks if Elizabeth is asking her to back off. Elizabeth says she shouldn’t tell Jason what he’s not ready to hear yet. Sam goes off on her. Elizabeth says Jason loves her. Sam says, oh yeah? What is she so worried about then? Touché!

Nicholas says his grandmother is now ensconced in the family compound. He says she’s frail and weak now, and too ill to answer questions. I laugh because I think the last thing Helena would ever be is frail or weak. Jason says he’ll take his chances and leaves.

Carly tells Sonny that the renovations will help with his rehab and that the doctors say it will take time and hard work. Sonny acts like a big baby and says waah, waah, waah, he’ll do it his own way. Okay, Frank Sinatra.

Morgan starts chatting up Ava about old times. Ava asks if Sonny sent Morgan. He says, no, he came there for Avery. She says he thought she’d fall into bed with him, and then he could run to Sonny with the pillow talk. He’s all, I don’t work like that, but she isn’t buying it. She tells him he’ll have to see Avery on Sonny’s visitation day and shows him the door.

Carly says Sonny can’t hold their marriage over her head every time they disagree. He says they got married to fight Ava and they lost, so they can kiss the wedding rings good-by any time. He takes his off and tosses it. Very, very bad move, Sonny.

Bad dude tells Robin that there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed. He says Jason has bigger problems than her, and if he searches for her, they’ll see him coming. Of course they will. She just reminded them that it’s a possibility. He says that finishing her work is the only way out. What work is this? Do I not remember or were we never told?

Nice moment between Patrick and Emma. He says he doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but that Sam loves her. Emma says he said the same thing about Robin and she left. This kid is a seriously fine actress. And I don’t often say that about children on soap operas. Usually, I think it must be the producer’s kid they were forced to hire.

Tracy calls Hayden and leaves a voicemail for her to be careful. The phone is sitting there on top of her open purse (like, who does that?) with the caller listed as “unknown.” I’m thinking somehow Nicholas is going to see this and Hayden is going to have to think on her feet.

Elizabeth says she noticed Sam still has her engagement ring on. She asks if Sam thinks he’s going to leave her because she’s sooo wonderful, and the life he has. She says he has a home, and Sam says, nope, he’s just living in Elizabeth’s house, and he moved in when he was Jake Doe. Sam says everything remains to be seen.

Jason goes off on his motorcycle to find himself. Literally.

Tomorrow, Lulu is going to ask for a legal separation from Dante.

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa is looking for new cocktail dresses for the waitresses and picks out a really cute mini skirt version of a 50s-ish style. She says something about how she’d love to wear it, but she’s too old. I cry into my glass of seltzer with lemon because I wish I could look like Lisa wearing anything. She tells Katie and Scheana to quit picking on Lala. How can you not pick on someone names Lala? Scheana says Lala doesn’t really have a modeling gig, that it’s more like she has a sugar daddy and Lisa says that’s none of their business. I do tend to agree with that.

Lisa brings in Eric, the bar manager at PUMP, to teach the bartenders at SUR about some new cocktails. All of them think they’re too cool for school, Jax being the most vocal. They don’t seem to like Eric, and Ken tells Jax to suck it up. Jax says the one thing Eric can do better than him is kiss Lisa’s ass. During the lesson, Jax can’t seem to control his mouth. I like Jax less and less every season. He’s too old for this nonsense.

Lisa asks Katie and Scheana to go to PUMP for a refresh in service. Obviously there’s something wrong with Scheana, but she doesn’t want to talk about it. Lisa confronts Lala about the modeling gig lie. She says she had the trip planned already, and Lisa says lying is no way to start things. Lala complains about the other girls bugging her.

Scheana goes running to the bathroom. Katie goes after her and asks what’s wrong. Scheana says that her husband, Shay, isn’t happy and left for a while. He’s also been drinking too much. Scheana says she doesn’t understand why he’s not happy – if it’s her or something else. She gets down on herself for not recognizing something was wrong in her own home.

The SUR servers gather at PUMP. Lisa has her number one at Villa Blanca give them a lesson in server sensitivity. They don’t like it, but I don’t know what the big deal is.

Schwartz has a modeling gig. He says his modeling career has been spotty at best, but lately he’s been on a roll. OMG, the girl who’s working with him has the cutest lace-up silver shoes ever! Schwartz says he’s ready to propose, but hasn’t put thought into the actual process. The model tells him to make sure Ariana is camera ready the day he’s going to pop the question, because she’s going to want to take a selfie. Please. Make it stop.

Ugh! It’s Kristen and James. James is lying his ass off about cheating on her. Kristen says that when they have an issue, they seem to skirt the real problem and it never gets resolved. She talks about him cheating on her, but believes he’s never slept with anyone else. This confuses me, but I assume she’s talking about him kissing someone else. I’d be with her on this one, except she spent an entire previous season lying about cheating on Tom with Jax. Kristen says cheating is a sign of insecurity and it’s about blaming the other person to deflect from your own miserable self. Maybe.

Lisa tells Scheana and Katie that she spoke to Lala and they need to stop picking on her and be nice to the new girl. Scheana says she has a lot going on, but she’ll try. Lisa says Lala has stuff going on too, and Scheana says she guarantees her stuff is bigger.

Tom is getting rid of his couch. Schwartz helps him take it to the curb. Apparently, the couch could tell stories. I don’t want to know. Schwartz talks about saving money for a ring. Tom says he’s never seen him be this calm about commitment. They discuss Shay and Tom says it’s weird that Shay left, since he and Scheana seem to work so well together. He also mentions Shay’s drinking.

Lala takes a break and Jax is waiting there like a spider. He asks how the girls are treating her, and he says she can be honest, because he doesn’t gossip, and even he laughs. He says he’s seen new employees not even make it through an entire day because of the other girls’ bullying. Lala says she’s been single for 3 years because she’s still hung up on her ex. Geez, that’s waaay too long. Especially for someone that young.

Scheana has a grey tabby cat that looks just like one that I had. He also has a black kitty buddy. Ariana drops in and Scheana spills the beans about Shay. She says everyone looks at them as the perfect couple, but they have a lot of problems. She says he’s not happy and drinking too much and it’s breaking her heart. She says she’s been putting on her happy face, but she’s not feeling it. She says she’s lonely without him, but wonders if they rushed things. She wonders if she’s been ignoring things because she was happy and just assumed he was. In her individual interview, she says there’s a lot that no one knows. This is a real shame because they did really seem very much in love.

Lisa sits down with James and asks him how it’s going. He says things aren’t going well with Kristen. (What a shock.) She says he needs Kristen in his life like he needs a boil on his ass. Enough said.

Scheana and Tom help Schwartz with the engagement ring shopping. Scheana says she knows what Katie wants and every girl has an idea of the engagement ring of her dreams. I didn’t. They meet with a jewelry designer who is a friend of Schwartz. The designer shows them an awesome diamond and says it will run about 7 grand with the setting. Scheana says that she’s seen Schwartz’s Modells ad about 12 times already, and he can swing it.

Scheana talks about adding diamonds to her wedding ring, but then says she and Shay haven’t seen each other in 4 days. She also says he’s drinking too much. Tom thinks maybe she’s being overbearing about it, and that could be why Shay wanted to get away.

Scheana goes to the bar to get her table’s drink order. Jax says he knows how to make the new drinks, but chooses not to, and then proceeds to not know what’s in them. Tom says maybe he (Tom, not Jax) should talk to Shay.

Lala is at the front taking reservations. James asks how it’s going. She says it’s been a little rough and that the girls seem to think she wants to shag their boyfriends, but she doesn’t use the word “shag.” James asks if that’s her MO and she says no. Was he just feeling her out? He tells her to hang in there and she asks if he honestly has her back. Lala says she’s not interested in little skinny guys, but she likes his accent.

Scheana sits down with Lisa (lots of sit downs tonight). Lisa says she knows something is wrong and she’s concerned. Scheana says she’s been putting on a front and saying everything is fine, but it’s not. She says that around Christmastime (3 months into the marriage), she noticed Shay’s drinking increased. She says he’s been mixing painkillers with the alcohol. She says he’s been taking five a day, along with several glasses of wine. I don’t know what kind he’s taking, but five is a lot, and with the alcohol, he’s asking for trouble. Lisa says she thought he was somewhat unmotivated, but never thought he was high. Scheana says she feels like she’s being cheated on because he was hiding it from her. Lisa says she’s right to take it seriously and be upset. Scheana wonders if there’s something wrong with her since she didn’t see it. She says she didn’t expect to be in this place, but I think most of us can say that about something in our lives after we’ve lived them for a while.

Next week, James and Kristen start therapy. That ought to be good. A shrink will have a field day with Kristen. Shay also returns.

Nov10

November 9, 2015 — GH, London & Gratuitous Pups

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Paul and Ava are grappling on the desk, but since they know how desperately I want to get back to that wedding, they cut things short. Anna is at Paul’s office door. Exit Ava.

Sonny complains about the wheelchair access at the courthouse. Rick has his Clark Kent look going on.

Heeeere we go! Jason enters the church with Carly. Elizabeth babbles like an idiot about getting on with the wedding, since Carly is okay. Jason says, so sorry, he’s got bigger news. He thinks he knows who he is. Thinks. Come on man, accept it now.

Commercial break that I can barely sit through.

Ava arrives at the courthouse and wonders why Carly isn’t there, suggesting maybe Carly doesn’t want the baby. Ric tells Sonny not to lose his cool. Neither Sonny nor Julian have been able to get Kiki to come. Julian suggests that Ava work something out with Sonny, but she says that if she doesn’t get full custody, he’ll make sure she never sees Avery again.

Paul tells Anna that he has a strategy for dealing with Ava. Is that what they’re calling it now? A strategy?  Anna says she might as well confess to killing Carrrlos. Paul is like, go ahead, and shows her a picture of Emma on his phone.

Just as the hearing is about to start, Kiki walks in. Ava thinks Kiki came for her, but I’m thinking probably not. Her real name is Lauren? How did they get Kiki out of that?

Elizabeth continues to babble. Sam sees that Carly has Spinelli’s wonderful laptop, and Carly says the program finished. Sam asks who “Jake” is and he says it. He finally says he’s Jason Morgan, but it’s through clenched teeth. He really does not want to be Jason. The sad part is, this is probably going to be the highlight of my week and it’s only Monday.

At the hearing, Morgan is up first. Scotty says that Sonny sent Morgan away to boarding school and Morgan says that was his idea. I’m surprised the judge doesn’t burst out laughing.

Elizabeth is like, you’re Jason? How? Carly shows them the facial reconstruction and everyone is looking all around like they did on The Haunted Star when they showed the sizzle reel. Carly says they were all so convinced Jason was dead, they didn’t see the signs. Carly pulls out the DNA test. Nicholas looks like he has indigestion, and Elizabeth tries to be swallowed up by the earth. Sam is like, no way, but she’s forgetting the “vow renewal” at the Lucky Buddha or wherever it was, when the old blind lady insisted he was Jason. I’m hoping Hayden gets to have some kind of input here, although I like her with Nicholas, and that would probably put the kibosh on their relationship. I don’t want this episode to end. Ever.

Commercial break. Apparently having curly hair has something to do with whether you get on the cheerleading squad or not. What?

Anna says how dare Paul wave Emma’s photograph in her face? He says he’s trying to get her to see reason, but she says he knows if she confesses, he’ll be incriminated because he’s covering up something besides switching the bodies. She suggests he might arm Emma, but he gets indignant at the mere suggestion. He says he admires her bond with Emma and doesn’t want to see her go to prison for what was justifiable homicide. She says he’d better be telling the truth, and if he goes near Emma, he’s a dead man.

Morgan talks about Ave killing Connie. Scotty counters with Sonny having killed Michael’s biological father, AJ. Sonny says he did his time, and Ric tells the judge they’re going to be filing charges against Ava. The judge says the court can’t be concerned with kinda, sorta, and we’ll be filing charges some other time. In my head is Judge Judy saying, “I don’t care!” with her hands cupped around her mouth. Michael gets on the stand, and Scotty brings up how Michael originally tried to get custody of Avery because he thought Sonny was unfit. Truth!

All the unnecessary guests leave the church. Hayden wants to go, but Nicholas says he’s not leaving Elizabeth. (Bleh.) Sam is totally freaking out. She remembers how every time Danny saw “Jake,” he was drawn to him. Oh ho! Elizabeth tries to act like, oh yeah, you’re right and “Jake” was drawn to you, and blah-blah-blah, trying to cover for her dishonest self. I hope she trips on her wedding dress train on the way back to her going nowhere life. And does she really think that young Jake isn’t going to say, told you so?

Michael says that he was reacting to AJ’s death when he fought Sonny for custody. Ava shouts something out about Sonny being a murderer. Scotty says Sonny has a dark and complicated relationship with all of his children. He asks Michael if he didn’t change his name legally from Corinthos to Quartermaine. Michaels says again that he was reacting to AJ’s death, and he wanted to hurt Sonny by taking Avery from him. He also goes on about how Sonny taught him to fish, and play baseball, and built him a stage in the barn.

Kiki takes the stand. Scotty thanks her for testifying on behalf of Ava. She says au contraire. She’s there to tell the court what a lying, stinking mother Ava is.

Paul acts like he’s all on Anna’s side. He says he would have done the same thing in her place. He says the good she can accomplish outweighs her crime.

Sam asks Jason if he remembers anything about their life together, but he says he doesn’t remember any more than he did when he woke up in the hospital. Jason says she deserves to have the Jason she loved back, but he looks at her as a friend, not his wife. Ouch! That’s the worst I-just-want-to-be-friends excuse I’ve ever heard. Sam runs out crying. I feel a little badly for Patrick in all this, but not that much. It’s a sort of divine retribution, since he did the same thing to Sabrrrina . Elizabeth tries tell Jason he has a new life as Jake now, but he’s not having that either. He says he had a life and someone stole it from him. He practically runs Elizabeth over to get to Nicholas. Is this where Hayden comes in?

Commercial break. It’s all about the LEGOS, but it looks like they’re geared to adults. Admit it. You know you play with your kids’ toys.

Jason gets Nicholas in a chokehold. Why doesn’t he realize that Elizabeth was part of this? He lets go, but says he’s not done with Nicholas. Nicholas says that his grandmother is to blame and he doesn’t know anything. Carly says if Jason is right, Nicholas is going to pay. Nicholas and Hayden start to go, and Sam says that if he was hiding Jason’s identity, she’ll never forgive him. Like he cares.

Elizabeth babbles some more. Carly interjects that she needs to knock it off because he’s still married to Sam. That shuts her up. Jason wants to go figure things out. Carly tries to follow, but Elizabeth stops her with some egocentric words about how Jason loves her and needs her right now. Me, me, me, as usual. Lucas tells Carly that Sonny needs her right now.

Paul keeps trying to talk Anna into keeping her mouth shut. He shows her the pic again, and says that Emma doesn’t have her mother and needs Anna. He says when he saw Anna and Emma picking out the Halloween costumes, it was the first time he saw her smile. She asks what he really wants, and he says he wants them to work together. I like Paul, even though he’s a bad guy.

Kiki talks back and forth with Ava, which they would never allow in a real court. In Port Charles, it’s like anyone can speak up whenever they want to. The judge says it’s time for a break and I agree. Let’s get back to Jason. Kiki tells Sonny he’s always been good to her and moons over him for saving TJ. I guess she’s forgotten that TJ never would have been kidnapped in the first place if it hadn’t been for Sonny. It’s his own fault that he’s in that wheelchair. BTW, everyone is wearing funeral black at this hearing. Ava and Sonny are alone in the courtroom. Ava tells Sonny that if he gets custody, Avery will have to grow up taking care of him instead of the other way around. I see she’s going to play the wheelchair bound card.

Commercial break. Every day this storyline continues, I worry that ABC News will break in on the last 2 seconds.

Anna wants to know what kind of job Paul has in mind. He says her experience with the WSB is invaluable and he wants to hire her as a consultant. He says they both understand that you sometimes need to step outside the lines when it comes to justice.

Ava tells Sonny that she sees pity in everyone’s eyes when they look at him. She says they feel sorry for him, but glad they’re not the ones in the chair. She wonders how long Carly will be happy with an invalid who can’t satisfy her. He grabs her wrist and threatens her with serious bodily harm, just as Carly walks in. Not the best timing.

Hayden tells Nicholas that she’s totally turned on by his chivalry, but he should be concerned that Jason will find out what he and Elizabeth knew.

Sam is still freaked that Jason is alive and her husband.

Jason is on the bridge when Elizabeth approaches. He talks about remembering the bridge and asks if he came here a lot. She tells him to look at her and when he does, she tells him she’s sorry. Is she going to out herself on her part in the deception? I wanted that to be Hayden’s job.

Great show!

Ladies of London

We’re back from the Denmark debacle. Annabelle is visiting with The Baroness (Caroline #2). She says everyone was having “their own personal drama” on the trip. Maybe so, but I’d pretty much give her the Personal Drama Award for Passive Aggressive. Julie joins them. She says she loved Denmark and Annabelle rolls her personally dramatic eyes.

The Baroness brings up Julie having said she’s scared of Caroline #1 a million years ago. Annabelle starts going on about people talking behind your back. She’s obviously referring to Julie and says she’s changed. I think her problem is actually that Julie is branching out and doing her own thing and is busier than Annabelle. I don’t think Julie has a mean bone in her body. Ah-ha! (In Nelson voice.) Julie brings up a text on her phone when she apologized to Annabelle. Annabelle goes on about losing Alexander McQueen – 5 years ago – and how everyone is supposed to fall at her feet because she lost a friend and Julie didn’t give her a “cuddle and kiss” at his funeral when there was a line a mile long. What is up with this chick that she needs people to acknowledge her every second? Julie starts crying – probably what Annabelle wanted – and says sometimes she has to text because her plate is pretty damn full. I used to like Annabelle. Now I think she’s an a-hole.

Juliet steps in, saying she does feel love from Julie and understands how sometimes you can’t be there 24/7 for everyone. I wonder when she got added to this lunch, since she just kind of appeared.

Julie meets with Marissa, who she says has the best relationship with Annabelle. No surprise since they’re both insensitive, self-centered twits. Julie says texting for her is like letter writing and doesn’t always have time for calls or visits. Marissa does get one thing right. Annabelle has no husband and kids, and therefore doesn’t understand the time suck a family can be. Julie says she’s going to have to have a word with Caroline #1 as well, and Marissa says the new balls she’s grown look good on her.

I do feel badly for Caroline #1 losing her business. She says she understands that she’s blessed with a wonderful home life, but she misses the office. She says that in England, women are expected to be all about home and family. I’m not sure how different that is from the US, no matter what anyone says. Here, you’re just supposed to juggle an outside job too.

Marissa gets together with Annabelle. She brings up the Julie thing. Annabelle says with Julie, it’s not just one tear, the floodgates open. I want to make fun of her until she cries. Honestly, in the beginning, I thought she was the mature one, but as time has gone on, I see she’s a pot stirrer.

Now Annabelle is out to tea with Caroline #1. Caroline says she feels like she’s been brought in to fix it. Whatever “it” is. She tells Annabelle she invited her out to see where she is with everyone. Annabelle says something about being British and moving on, but that’s not what I see from her at all. She hangs onto things for dear life. Caroline says Annabelle keeps things to herself and she wants others to ask what’s going on. Annabelle says she knows she comes across as a “cold cow,” but that’s’ not the case. Stop acting like one then. Caroline says she doesn’t want her to leave the friend group, but she needs to get with the program if she wants to stay. In other words, you have to be a friend to have one. Maybe the problem is they don’t have Girl Scouts there.

Caroline says Annabelle needs to make a decision. Annabelle says she’s a vulnerable person, but doesn’t come off like that. No kidding. Caroline says she knows that Annabelle suffers from anxiety, but no one else knows that. I guess she’s one of those people who wants everyone to be a mind reader. I hate that. Caroline says she’s throwing a party and would like Annabelle to attend.

Caroline meets with her party planners. It’s going to be some kind of tropical theme. Apparently renting cabana stripper boys is expensive, starting at £650. We get a gratuitous shot of Caroline’s French bulldog puppy and I squee.

Annabelle is hosting some kind of children’s party for the launch of her new book. She has a grandma that looks like someone out of an old movie – the old lady who plays the maiden aunt who’s full of wisdom part – and she’s wearing a gigantic fur hat. Joan Collins Sophie shows up and I wonder if she has kids. She strikes me as someone who should be kept away from kids. Annabelle reads the new book Angry Me. It’s too bad she doesn’t take her own damn advice and deal with her feelings instead of taking them out on everyone else.

Man, I love the music on this show. I wonder if they have a soundtrack.

Caroline #1 is getting ready for her party, and like everyone else hosting a party, she hides all her kids’ toys and junk in the closets, so she can pretend she doesn’t live in her house. Julie is riding over with Marissa and says she doesn’t know what to expect from Annabelle anymore. Juliet and Annabelle are getting ready together, and Annabelle is wearing a romper so short I can see her butt cheeks. (BTW, don’t use the word “fanny” for butt in England. It’s bad. Also don’t use the word “butt.” It’s not bad, but “butty” means a sandwich, so you will be very confusing.)

Annabelle tells Juliet she needs to have something out with Julie. Yep. She moves on just fine. To be honest, while she is rocking the outfit, Annabelle looks totally out of place next to the other guests. She and Julie hug. Annabelle says that when they were in Denmark, Julie seemed like she wasn’t really there for her. Because that trip was all about her. I get what’s happening. Julie probably was at her beck and call at some point and now can’t be. Or maybe doesn’t want to be. What Annabelle needs are some single friends with no life. I don’t have kids either, but I certainly don’t expect my friends who do have them to be asking me what I need every single moment. It’s also not like Annabelle seems reciprocal on that front either.

Annabelle says Julie wasn’t there when she was going through a bad time, although she was there for Julie. Julie apologizes for the thousandth time and they hug it out. How long this will last, who knows? Lots of selfies and shots happen. Caroline #1 makes a big announcement that she’s moving on to a new phase and she wants everyone to come along. She says put the music on and let the naughtiness begin and everyone jumps in the pool

This is the finale, so everyone says their little thing at the end. None of it very interesting.

Vanderpump Rules

I can’t wait for Scheana to get pissed at Kristen.

New girl Lala (who names their kid “Lala?”) is working the register. She says so far she’s doing well; no one has punched her in the face or called her a bitch yet.  At least she has a sense of humor. I think. Maybe she was being serious.

Katie is training a new server and says it’s more complicated than you might think. They have to memorize several menus, as well as all the tables (the place is huge) and says Lisa is the most intimidating person in the world next to Beyoncé. I don’t think of either one of them as being intimidating.

Scheana is reliving her birthday party where James got drunk and acted ridiculous. James started chatting up some other girl and they left together in an Uber. Apparently, the car only went to James’s address, and the next morning, another Uber was called to go to the girl’s house at 6 am. The smoking gun Uber. In checking James’s email, Kristen found out.

Lala is already asking for time off because she’s an actress/model and doesn’t take the job seriously. Really. That’s pretty close to what she said.

Kristen is mad texting Scheana because the girl James left with is a friend of hers, so it’s her fault. Scheana says that when Kristen has problems, she takes them out on her friends. Why is she still friends with someone who’s saying she’s a bitch and her friend is a whore?

Jax has brought his new squeeze, Britney, for a job interview. Lisa asks her if she has a resumé, but she doesn’t have it with her since this was a spontaneous move. Katie tells Jax he needs to stop juggling women. He then asks Lala to some party and Katie says he takes out of sight out of mind to a whole new level. Lala is staying with Stassi on top of it. What’s wrong with him??? Lisa tells Britney she’ll think about it and to drop off a resumé. She says to her manager that this girl needs to put some “trousers” on the next time she comes for an interview. What she was wearing was comparable to Annabelle’s party outfit. Why didn’t Jax take her home to change and get a resumé?

Katie and Schwartz have a dog baby (Gordo) who’s having a birthday. They’re nine months into the six month old tomato she gave him (Schwartz, not the dog). He says the more she backs off, the more interested in following through he becomes. Sigh. So predictable. Katie talks about Kristen finding the Uber receipt. Ha-ha! Schwartz says it’s a waste for Kristen to date anyone not cheating on her since she has such great hacking skills.

Down to business. Kristen and James are sitting at a restaurant table and she tells him how embarrassing his behavior was at Scheana’s party. Kristen says that people call her crazy for checking boyfriend’s emals, but she always finds something. Maybe that says something about you, Kristen. James says nothing happened (another sigh). He asks if she’s ever cheated on him, she says she’s done and leaves. Kristen whines in her individual interview about how hurt she is. Please. After what she put that guy through last season, he deserves a hall pass, and I don’t say something like that lightly.

Katie, Schwartz, Ariana and Tom are out together and are discussing how they can’t take anybody seriously that Jax is dating. Ariana says he’s the SUR welcoming committee for anyone with boobies. The new girls join them, along with Britney and Jax. Interesting.  Jax has a foot fetish, slightly dirty please. He apparently Instagrams about this. Glad I’m not following him. Tom says Britney is on the Jax Express, and Jax says he is psyched about dating someone who is clueless about SUR and himself. Ariana says there’s something about Lala she doesn’t trust, and wonders why she was chosen to go to Venice when there are more than enough models around.

Kristen goes down Memory Lane, looking at pictures of her and James. James comes in, and he apologizes. She says he’s angry when he drinks, and he says he gets angry at her when he drinks, but he’s not sure why. I know why. Because she treated him like dirt and dated him while still stalking Tom and making his life miserable. James comes clean that he might have tried taking the other girl’s clothes off but nothing happened. In his individual interview, he says they totally had sex and he was lying to Kristen for her own good. His own good maybe. I know they’ve broken up by now, but didn’t he think she’d see this at the time? Kristen believes him and says he obviously wants to work on the relationship.

Tom and Ariana go furniture shopping. He wants some new amazing things to go with his new amazing girlfriend. I have to admit, they do seem to work well together. They both seem like decent people and it always boggles my mind that he was with Kristen for as long as he was. He says when buying a couch, it’s not about knowing your budget, but about knowing yourself. Whatever that means. I know myself well enough to know I’m not spending three grand on a couch. I guess they’ve never heard of Wayfair.

In pondering her friendship with Scheana, Ariana says sometimes the only requirement Scheana has for a friend is that they haven’t screwed her over in two months. Ariana says she’s not going to give any old tomatoes, but if Scheana is going to be friends with Kristen, she’s not going to be around as much. What kind of friend blames you for her boyfriend cheating and calls you a bitch? Providing you’re not the one he cheated with.

Jax pumps (no pun intended) Lisa for whether she’s going to hire Britney or not. Lisa is like, I want to see a resumé first. Lisa says she’s tired of Jax’s revolving girlfriend door where there’s weeks of “secret snogging behind the bar” and then he won’t return the girl’s phone calls and she’s left to pick up the pieces. I have some advice. Don’t hire Jax’s girlfriends and don’t get involved if you do. There. That’s done.

Commercial break. Lisa is introducing the new season of The Royals and we get a gratuitous Giggy moment.

Ariana and Scheana discuss the new girls, Lala and Faith. Ariana says that when you’re profile pic is your naked behind, modeling probably isn’t what you’re doing. It’s a great shot, but yep, it’s not exactly a Vogue shot. They grill Lala on her upcoming job. Ariana finally comes out and says she thinks Lala is lying and Lala admits she is. She says it’s a “fun” trip. They ask what she has to do for the trip. Whoa. Schaena says lying isn’t the way to make friends. I think Scheana is actually very good-hearted and I believe her when she says she didn’t like this girl coming in and lying to Lisa right off the bat.

Schaena bitches to Ariana about Kristen repeatedly texting her. She called Scheana a rude bitch because she didn’t know ahead of time that James was going to boink that girl. Kristen is more mental than Ed Grimley. Ariana runs down the Kristen crazy train list, which includes Kristen punching people at Scheana’s birthday party last season and creating a scene at her wedding. Scheana says she’s been friends with Kristen longer, but is closer to Ariana. I forgot to mention that, although good-hearted, I think Scheana doesn’t have a brain in her head. If anyone had put my close friend through what that nut did to Ariana last season, there’s no way I’d keep them in my life, no matter how long I’ve known them. If nothing else, you have to realize that at some point, you will be the target.

Yikes! The walls in Scheana’s apartment are covered with HUGE pictures from the wedding. Scheana says she’s had enough of the texting business and being called a bitch. Scheana says Kristen is the common denominator in all the problems and we flash back to every problem she’s caused at a party. Kristen can’t “wrap her head around” (ugh!) that it could possibly be her fault. Scheana says everyone is getting to the point where she can’t be friends with both them and Kristen. So then Kristen says it’s their fault. You know, because she could never, ever be the cause of any difficulties.

Next week looks good. Schwartz is ready to pop the question, and Shay walks out.

Après Ski

Just a quick note on this show. This group needs to take a lesson from Below Deck. If they want to provide a five star experience for the guest, they need to find out the guest’s needs ahead of time. Last week, they planned a surprise lunch in a gondola – not the kind like in Venice, but those things that go way up high on a cable – and one of the guests was not only vegan, but they were afraid of heights and had an anxiety attack. Obviously, the guests did not leave happy, but that could have been easily prevented. They also don’t seem to be able to retain the things they are told. Having it written down would make everything a million times easier. My two cents.

Nov3

November 2, 2015 — Big Reveals, London in Denmark & Back at SUR

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

“Jake” tells Sam that a year ago he had no family, no identity, no nothing, and tomorrow he’s getting them all. You know, November 6, the day after Halloween.

Patrick thinks Elizabeth is getting cold feet. She says Audrey’s letter just made her emotional, but he says if she really feels she shouldn’t get married, she should go with her gut feelings.

The sizzle reel sizzles on at The Haunted Star. Everyone stands frozen and Valerie looks like she wants the earth to swallow her up. Dillon is like, oops! wrong thing, let me turn this off, but Lulu tells him not to. Pay off! Pay off!

Olivia, who’s gotten some nice highlights, chats with Carly. Carly says she has something to do and will meet Olivia in Sonny’s room (don’t ask him first or anything). She goes to the laptop and looks at the screen to see Jason’s face looking back. More pay off! I feel like I’ve been waiting so long, I can’t take it all at once. Especially since I got my heart broken during last night’s Walking Dead episode.

Patrick asks Elizabeth if there’s something she wants to tell him. She says that she’s never been happier and she just has pre-wedding jitters. Patrick has never been the most observant guy, but even he knows there’s more to it than that. She says she has a really good feeling about the marriage. Really? No one is this stupid. She has to know the truth is eventually going to come out. Like today I hope. She says maybe her other marriages didn’t work out because she needed to get to the one that’s for keeps.

“Jake” tells Hayden that she’s not welcome at his wedding. She says she and “Jake” should have a clean slate since she lost her memory. Hayden is like, too bad, I’m coming anyway. “Jake” says if she and/or Nicholas upset Elizabeth on her wedding day, they’ll regret it.

Carly calls Spinelli and tells him to call her back immediately when he gets the message.

Sonny, who is looking kind of scruffy good since he hasn’t shaved in a while, is back from PT and Olivia apologizes for lying about Leo. Sonny says he gets that she was just protecting Leo. She had also kept Dante’s paternity from Sonny, and apologizes for Sonny missing out on Dante’s childhood. Sonny is uncharacteristically understanding.

Lulu insists that Dillon put the sizzle reel that isn’t the sizzle reel back on. It gets to the part where Valerie tells Dillon that she slept with Dante, and everyone is like whoa, and looks are being shot everywhere.

Hayden says she admires “Jake” because of how he’s reinvented himself. She says she wants to follow his example. She says she knows she wasn’t the greatest person and wants to have a fresh start. This girl is good because I’m never sure whether to believe her or not.

Patrick and Elizabeth come into the waiting room and Carly shuts the laptop like she’s putting out a fire. “Jake” and Sam are right behind them, and “Jake” immediately knows something’s wrong. Carly says she just has something on her mind and practically runs out of the room. Snot rag Elizabeth says Carly can take care of herself and who cares what her problem is.

Lulu is so delusional, she thinks Valerie made up sleeping with Dante. She says it’s because Valerie still “has feelings” for Dante and insists that Dante correct this misconception, because he would never do such a thing. To his credit, he says he did. I hate that expression “has/have feelings for.” What kind of “feelings?” What does that mean? It’s so vague, it’s annoying.

Hayden says she doesn’t really know where she stands with anyone, and even if they’re being nice, she doesn’t know if it’s genuine or they’re just waiting to pay her back for one of her misdeeds.

Sam tells Elizabeth that she’s marrying a man of many hidden talents, that he blew the roof off at karaoke. Thanks. I would have liked to see that.

Carly calls some lab about running a discreet DNA test on “Jake.” I guess she has connections. She pops into Sonny’s room and says she has to go and deal with something important.

Morgan and Darby are basking in the afterglow and I take a nap. Wake me when Kiki inevitably shows up.

Maxie is totally freaking out. Nathan puts his police hat on (symbolically) and kicks everyone out of the party. Valerie tries to follow the crowd, but Lulu is like, no way, bitch.

Dante keeps trying to get Lulu to go, but she wants answers and rightly so. She asks how long the affair has been going on and Valerie says it was just one night, like that makes it okay. Lulu says she welcomed Valerie into her family and this is how she gets repaid.

I’m thinking maybe Nicholas needs to lay off those Floating Rib dinners, since he’s looking a little chunky. Hayden asks if they’re just “castle mates” or are they moving forward with the relationship?

Oh I get it. Carly wants “Jake” to be hydrated and insists he have some of her water to get a DNA sample. She also says they need to have a long talk before the wedding about best person and groom stuff. Yeah, like maybe he shouldn’t be getting married right now since he’s Jason.

Lulu asks if Dante took Valerie to their home and their bed. She thinks it was the night that Dante admitted to kissing Valerie, but he just edited out the juicy parts. Valerie says no, that it was the night Lulu spent with Dillon in Canada. Lulu is appalled at Valerie’s suggestion she might be at fault here. Me too, really. She’s not being contrite enough for my taste. Valerie says she’s not blaming Lulu, but everyone screwed up, even her. Dante is still trying to get Lulu to leave and Lulu tells him to never come near her again.

Everyone in the hospital waiting room remembers they have homes and cuts out. Carly heads to the lab with the empty water bottle.

The kids are still hanging around The Haunted Star and TJ tells Kiki she should consider forgiving Morgan. Morgan walks in, and Kiki fills him on what happened. When she asks where he was, Darby walks in and says he was with her.

Valerie gets mad at Dillon. She thinks Dillon should fire Andy for being either a perv or a complete incompetent. Maxie thinks they should go after Lulu, but Nathan takes her phone. Maxie realizes Nathan knew the whole time. Dante follows Lulu down to the docks that we can’t seem to get enough of lately.

These are the episodes I live for. And Vanderpump Rules starts its new season tonight. It doesn’t get much better than this.

Ladies of London

Caroline #1 says that Annabelle has been “Poe faced” lately. I like this new term. I don’t know if the guy that woke her up is a friend or her husband, but he’s pretty cute.

They’re on their way somewhere and Caroline #1 is saying Julie is basically subservient to Annabelle. Since Annabelle is in the same limo, doesn’t Caroline know she can hear? Or does she not care?

For winning some battle, Caroline #2’s (The Baroness) 10th great grandfather won a castle. Some of the furniture is awesome and it goes without saying that the castle itself is. Hmm… If that isn’t Caroline #1’s husband, this guy is inappropriately touching her butt. The Baroness says she realizes she’s privileged and is grateful, but when she was little, she thought everyone lived like that. I can understand somewhat. My father built our house, and since he was living with 3 women (my mother, my sister and I), our bathroom was huge. I was shocked when I saw other people’s bathrooms because I thought everyone’s bathroom was like ours. The castle has a huge room with every kind of taxidermied animal and even a shrunken head. Julie is somewhat appalled, but I think I’d be okay with it. It’s not like that giraffe got felled yesterday. I flash back to the Niagara Falls Museum in Canada, where they have the oldest taxidermied lion ever. The fur is practically falling off of it. I love that place. Nothing much changes there.

Commercial break. I can’t take all this election stuff. Between the TV ads and the robocalls, it makes me never want to vote again because I hate them all.

Ok, that’s Caroline #1’s makeup artist, who no doubt is gay, so touching her butt was okay. Is he single? I might know a guy for him.

It’s time for dinner and it’s one of those really long tables. Annabelle still has a stick up her ass and continues to be Poe faced. I’m going to use that all the time now. Everyone says how great everything is, and it’s obvious Annabelle is not happy. I can’t even remember what it is she’s unhappy about. Geez, she’s having a cigarette and no one is treating her like a pariah. She should at least be happy about that. Julie, Caroline #1 and Annabelle start talking about how Caroline said Julie is Annabelle’s bitch. The Baroness is like, thanks a lot for starting this stuff at my lovely family home.

Caroline #1 says she thinks Julie has more confidence now, that somehow this group of dysfunctional women has given her strength. Probably in self-defense. They’re fun to watch, but I don’t think I’d want to hang out with this crowd. Maybe Juliet and The Baroness, but Julie is scatter-brained and the rest of them will roll over you like a bulldozer.

Caroline #1 goes on about how Julie has gone through an evolution and has her own balls now (no pun intended about the product she sells). Annabelle tells her to talk to the hand. Really. She does.

The Baroness is pissed that breakfast has been on the table since 10 and it’s 10:30. I don’t blame her. Caroline #1 starts stammering that she doesn’t usually go… and The Baroness finishes her sentence with “any place [she] needs manners.” Annabelle lets out a huge laugh. Caroline #1 says she usually doesn’t stay at other people’s homes and The Baroness says at least she’s honest.

Julie says when you hold a yoga pose, you need equal amounts of energy coming from every area of your body and it’s the same in a friendship. Whatever that means. I’m not very good at holding yoga poses, although I do just fine with friendships.

Annabelle gets a call while she’s chatting with Joan Collins Sophie. Whatever it is, it’s not good news. She’s going “oh no” and “don’t talk about that stuff.” Now she’s crying.

Okay. Apparently, this has something to do with a book someone is writing about Alexander McQueen and some article that’s coming out about it in the tabloids. She’s pissed because there’s no way to defend yourself when you’re dead and everyone is coming out of the woodwork with nasty stories. I shrug and think this is part of being a skabillionaire celebrity. The Baroness says thanks for sharing, but Julie thinks there’s more to it than that.

The two Caroline’s go to Svendborg Church where The Baroness’s family members are buried or interred or whatever. It’s absolutely beautiful. Her mother died from cancer and The Baroness mostly grew up without her. Caroline #1 says she feels stupid for even griping about her business.

The Baroness’s parents (I guess she has a stepmother?) are coming for dinner and everyone gets super dressed up. The Baroness says her relationship with her father has always been rocky because he doesn’t understand her life choices. I’m guessing this means she didn’t marry some lord and churn out grandkid heirs. Annabelle banters with The Baron about how favors and affairs are the ways titles are received. My husband is a Marquis, which I guess makes me a Marquise, but I have no idea what favors or affairs happened there. A title and $3.50 will get me on the subway.

The Baroness makes a toast. In her individual interview segment, Marissa says blah-blah-blah about how she has a new respect for The Baroness, and I couldn’t care less. She gives a toast about being in love with all people and things Denmark, which comes off to me as just a bunch of empty flattery.

Commercial break. I read an article about Kurt Russell trick-or-treating with his grandkids, and think he’s one hot granddad.

They go to the ballroom and dance around crazy drunk. The Baroness suggests a nightcap, which believe me, no one needs. There is a group hug.

Next week, the season finale. Marissa’s restaurant opening is delayed and there’s more Annabelle drama. I see Caroline #1’s husband, think ok yeah that’s him, I remember now, and that he can’t hold a candle to the makeup artist.

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa looks like she’s lost weight. Does that mean there’s still hope for me? It looks like Kristen is still a psychotic a-hole and Stassi has had some work done. Although why either one of them is still on this show, I’m not sure. Oh yeah, drama.

Lisa says that last year was all about opening PUMP, but now she’s back to concentrating on SUR. She has a sit down with the staff. Jax has also had another nose job. I can’t stand him, but he really did have nasal problems and it’s not just a cosmetic thing, so I give him a pass.

James has been DJ-ing at PUMP, and says Kristen has been coming in and day drinking. She is so insane. You can just see it in her eyes. Lisa says Kristen isn’t allowed in PUMP or SUR when James is working. How about not letting her in period? Lisa complains that Tom hasn’t been on the ball and he says he’s not the only one.

It’s almost Scheana’s 30th birthday and she wants to have a “decades” party. I have no clue what that is. Kate goes down Memory Lane when she gave Schwartz the ultimatum to put a ring on it within 6 months. She says she has the feeling it’s coming. So is the apocalypse.

Jax tells James he doesn’t need grief from Kristen and that she’s a ticking time bomb. Yep. Jax’s ex-girlfriend, Carmen, is friends with Kristen and this boggles my mind, since she seemed sane. Kristen and James have an argument on the phone before the first commercial.

Commercial break. Those Hunger Games books and movies look good, but I don’t want to get wrapped up in another series. True Blood and Game of Thrones have been bad enough. I’m not even sure if I’m up for adding Après Ski.

Jax and James have an argument because Jax is a total gossip. James says Jax’s bro code is “F-U, bros.”

Ken shows up at SUR. He looks amazing for being 110 and just having had a hip replacement.

Scheana says Kristen isn’t invited to her birthday party. Tom says you actually have to ban her from a place for her not to show up anyway. I know someone like that too.

Here she comes! Jax asks what Kristen is doing in the parking lot. She’s pissed because James told Jax her business and he in turn told Carmen. Kristen says that being fired from SUR freed her to work on her T-shirt line and I choke on my seltzer. James is pretty angry about Kristen showing up just before he’s about to DJ and hopes Lisa doesn’t find out. This girl is so freakin’ out there, I don’t get why anyone has anything to do with her. Although I do know she and James called it quits a couple of months ago.

Jax’s real name is Jason. His mom is visiting and he’s asked his friends not to call him Jax in front of her. I didn’t know he had a mom. I figured he was raised by wolves. This guy is just too old even to be hanging out with these kids, let alone floundering along with nothing really going on in his life.

Commercial break. It’s one of those ads where Matthew McConaughey is in the car, making fun of his esoteric self. No. Just no.

James brings Kristen flowers and apologizes because he’s a total idiot. I don’t mean he’s apologizing for being an idiot; I mean he’s an idiot for apologizing. Kristen says she never knows what she’ll get with him, and I choke again, since she’s about as bi-polar as they come. James says he doesn’t want to bring her to Scheana’s party and she says fine, but it’s not fine.

Scheana has a birthday lunch at Villa Blanca with Jax and his mother in attendance. Jax’s mother says he’s been a handful from the day he was born. Lisa asks what’s the worst thing he ever did. Mom talks about how when he was 12, Jax hit on his bus driver. Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think his looks are all that and certainly not enough to make up for the rest of him.

Schwartz wants to get a permanent. Tom says they call it a perm for a reason and this might be a mistake. Schwartz says he’s ready to propose to Katie. After the hair process, Schwartz says his hair isn’t as “permy” as he thought it would be, but he likes it. Actually, it’s not bad. I was afraid he’d end up looking like Carrot Top.

Commercial break. Yep, Christmas is here now, since we’re done with Halloween. How much do you think I’ll hate The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies by December 25? Living in the area, we also get local ads for Broadway shows and King Charles III looks amazing, but I’d really love to see Bruce Willis in Misery.

On to the party. Katie says something about someone looking like they’re from Andy Warhol’s Factory and I’m shocked she even knows what that is. Carmen didn’t want to go, and Jax says he went one down in his contacts and brought Carter. Bleh. Scheana is dressed as Madonna in her boy toy phase and I love it. I wish we still dressed like that.

Ha! Kristen says that she knows technically she wasn’t invited, but she knows Scheana wants her there anyway because she’s psychotic psychic. The costumes are pretty fabulous overall, outfits mostly portraying the 60s, 70s and 80s.. James is DJ-ing and the place is rocking out. Of course Kristen starts bugging him immediately that he’s drinking too much, which makes him want to drink more. Kristen says he’s on his way to being a drunken a-hole. While he does like to get his drink on, the only time I’ve seen him really be an a-hole is when she starts something. I’m not crazy about him, but he seems to go out of his way to treat her well and she doesn’t appreciate it at all.

Tom does some kind of roller skating routine on the dance floor. Ken tells Tom not to disrespect his wife (this has something to do with the staff meeting), and Tom says the British gangster is coming through.  I love Ken. He’s the most perfect husband I’ve ever seen. He’d do anything for Lisa. Apparently, there was some kind of altercation with Kristen and James at PUMP, and Lisa tries to discuss it with Kristen. Lisa says she’s asking for the impossible in expecting Kristen to take any responsibility for anything. I concur. She also says that at 54 years old, she wants respect. To which I say, good luck with that. They keep cutting to Ariana who’s making a lot of faces.

Scheana says that Kristen has been more pleasant lately and that she has a soft spot for her. Not me and I think she’s batsh*t crazy. Ariana is annoyed that Scheana, who is supposed to be her best friend, says Kristen has never given her a direct reason not to like her. In other words, wishing for Ariana’s death wasn’t enough. I’m trying to figure out what Ariana’s costume is supposed to be. Something from the 70s, but she looks like she’s dressed like a guy and the whole getup is kind of monochromatic and boring.

Where is my Giggy?

Everyone is getting drunker. Scheana’s husband is doing some two-fisted drinking, and Tom is pouring liquor straight into his mouth from the bottle of Fireball. I like Fireball — and it has the extra benefit of clearing out your sinuses — but only one shot. I can’t even fathom chugging it. Kristen tells James to slow his drinking roll and he says she drives him to drink. Now he’s telling Tom how much he loves him and Tom jumps into the pool with his roller skates on.

Next week, it looks like we’re getting some new people.

Just a note on Après Ski. After watching the first episode, it looks like it’s a mo’ money, mo’ problems for the staff show, revolving around a ski resort. A keeper unless something better comes along.

Sep29

September 28, 2015 — GH, the OC & London

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

It was good of them to go back to Friday’s last minute with the first minute today, since ABC broke in with non-breaking news on Friday.  Ava picks up where she left off, saying she knows who shot Sonny.

Oh, hi, Anna! Are you still on this show?

I’m not sure if I’m going to make it to November 6 (I.e. the “Jake”/Elizabeth wedding when they’ll probably wrap this up). Now Sam says she feels like Jason is right beside her, and he is. Please, I can’t take this anymore. They’re in the garden of some Asian restaurant and it just so happens that the owners’ son is the one who married Jason and Sam. The dude’s grandmother comes out. She’s blind, but her other senses are super keen. She tells Jake that he’s Jason.

Oh ho! Blame the dead guy! Ava says it was Carrrlos who shot Sonny. I wish he had shot Sonny, since that means he’d still be on the show. Good logic though. She says he was “working his way up,” starting with Duke. Since very few people know he’s dead, this might work.

Anna, Julian and Alexis are going around and around about who killed Duke. Wasn’t this like last year? Oh snap! Julian suggests Anna deal with Carrrlos, unless she already did.  Either Julian knows more than he’s letting on or he’s a really good guesser.

Sonny wants to marry Carly in the hospital.

The old Asian lady is convinced that Jake is Jason. She thinks they’re there to celebrate their anniversary.

At the mob sit down, everyone, including the one other woman who’s at the table, is wearing either black or navy blue, so Ava totally stands out in her orange get-up and blonde hair. I really do love her outfit, but she’s been wearing it for days. Everyone votes for an “immediate cease fire,” even though there hasn’t been any shooting since Sonny got shot.

Commercial break. The Soaps in Depth magazine has a big article on how Morgan and Michael will be fighting for Sonny’s territory. I’m not so sure either one of them could get a fast food order right.

Anna sees Paul and it’s like old home week. Michael agrees to mob peace. He looks incredibly out of place with all of the adults. It reminds me of that scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High when Mark and Stacy go on a date, and he forgets his wallet. All of a sudden, everyone wants to look for Carrrlos.

Back at the restaurant, this is the most sighted-looking blind person I’ve ever seen. Do the directors on this show walk off the set periodically throughout the day? The grandmother wants Sam and “Jason” (I don’t even know where to use quote marks now) to renew their vows and it looks like they’re going to humor her. Who does that? By God, someone is going to get married today.

And it’s Sonny.

Jake says the vow renewal might help Sam get over Jason. What? Did you know a bride and groom are a dragon and phoenix? Me neither. We get the vow renewal interspersed with Sonny’s wedding. Lots of hearts and flowers and birds flying around with ribbons in their mouths.

And in the timing that soaps are famous for, just as the rings are about to be exchanged, Sonny goes into cardiac arrest.

The Real Housewives of the OC

I’m so glad Shannon and her husband, David, are putting their marriage back together. Shannon seems weirded out by the pretty much everything, from the restaurant menu to Brooks and Vicki.

Tamra is getting baptized. Someone needs to help her out. Where is that pastor? She says that someone should make a blonde version of the bible since it’s not an easy read. Has no one told her that there are about a million different translations and they probably have that one? Is she reading the King James? No wonder she’s having a problem. Pastor Mike seems like a nice guy and I like his thought that Jesus is the GPS system for our lives, but he isn’t really teaching her very well. I knew a Pastor Mike, but this isn’t him. At least Tamra isn’t calling him a “pasture” any more. That joke was getting old.

Vicki and Brooks are visiting a doctor that practices both Eastern and Western medicine. His intern, or whatever she is, talks about organic coffee enemas. Um…no thanks. I’m all for holistic treatment, but not coffee in my butt.

I’m seriously not understanding the whole Brooks is faking cancer thing. This dude is a doctor, he’s looking at medical records and Brooks is getting some kind of IV oxygenation treatment. If he’s faking, he’s certainly doing a good job, but wouldn’t some doctor along the way have noticed?

Heather and Terry are getting ready to hawk their skincare line on a home shopping channel. Terry is freaking somewhat because it’s live TV. Heather is hoping he can “rise to the challenge,” which means she hopes he doesn’t make a fool of both of them. After the leech incident, I’m not sure I would trust them with my skin care. It doesn’t have slug spit or something in it, does it? Terry is stumbling all over the place at rehearsal, but I like him anyway. Heather is mystified that he’s having a problem with this, but it’s totally understandable. Seriously, I’d be more concerned about having credibility after duct taping leeches to my stomach. Heather says bad dress rehearsal, good show. We used to say that when I worked in theatre too, but that doesn’t make it true.

Tamra is helping Ryan to move in to his new home. The one she forked over the 8 grand for him to buy. She goes over to Vicki’s and gives Brooks a hug like nothing ever happened. Did we miss something? In the last episode, Tamra was screaming at him. Brooks shows Tamra some paper about the results of his PET scan. Now I already know that Meghan is going to challenge this by calling the facility and finding out they don’t do PET scans there. If this is the case though, what’s up with the doctor they just visited? Unless Brooks is honestly convinced he has it and doesn’t, and has also managed to convince the medical people he’s seeing, I don’t know what to make of this.

Interesting. In talking about raising her stepdaughter, Meghan thought all kids were raised the same. This explains a lot, since she doesn’t seem to understand anything outside her narrow realm of experience. They have an amazing kitchen. I’m apparently doomed to having a kitchen the size of a postage stamp. When I moved from an apartment to an 8-room house, the kitchen was actually smaller than the one in my last apartment.

Terry is doing well on the actual show. Since no one has anything better to do, the rest of the ladies get together to watch – without Vicki, since it’s at Meghan’s house. Apparently, one of the ingredients in the product is the same as the antioxidant Brooks claimed to be using to fight his cancer, so Lizzie makes a stupid comment that their product must cure cancer. 1) It didn’t look like the same spelling or sound like the exact same thing, 2) antioxidants can be used for more than one thing, 3) wouldn’t Heather have mentioned that when they talked about it before? and 4) what an freaking stupid thing to say. Tamra makes a prank phone call to the show which is pretty funny, but Heather and Terry are only fooled for 5 seconds. Aww, Terry and Heather are all in love again after the show.

Here comes the part where Meghan called the facility. Twice. Tamra wonders why she was the chosen one to see the report and of course Meghan thinks it’s because Tamra is the idiot of the group. She asks why they weren’t shown to her since she has a “medical background” – because she’s seen medical records before. Um….  Shannon’s feelings are hurt because Vicki didn’t include her and she’s been their biggest advocate. It seems that she forgot  that twice she made Vicki extremely upset because she couldn’t stop talking when Vicki asked her to shut up. Tamra and Vicki also used to be besties and she’s known Tamra a helluva lot longer than the others.

In playing devil’s advocate, I can totally come up with reasons for every piece of information about Brook’s cancer that is cropping up. And how can he be such a smooth con man that he fools doctors, yet makes these huge mistakes? On the other hand, WTF? ??

Ladies of London

We’re back at the New Year’s Eve party, which at this point is going on way too long. Caroline #1’s SIL is way drunk and totally supportive of Caroline making humping gestures over Juliet’s prone husband while in a unicorn costume. I’m not sure why this is okay. Will someone please support me here?  Yes, it wasn’t exactly sexy, but it was still out of line. Juliet decides to apologize for overreacting (which she really didn’t) and it doesn’t go well because the SIL, Joan Collins Sophie, keeps instigating. I get revenge the next morning because they all have serious hangovers.

What I don’t get about some of these women is that they act like all kinds of propriety should be followed, but then act like inappropriate idiots themselves. They keep pointing the finger at the “emotional” Americans, yet act like teenagers being given alcohol for the first time. I guess it’s one of those things where it’s a different set of rules for everyone. I hate that. HA-HA! Marissa’s mascara is all over her face. Go wash up, you cow.

The next morning everyone comes down to the chaotic confetti-laden room for breakfast. Caroline #1 is annoyed because Juliet is acting like nothing happened. Isn’t that what she wanted? Caroline had also been bitching about Julie getting weepy when she was drunk and now takes back her apology. Annabelle says it’s a “truly ungracious moment” and I agree. It’s sad. I liked Caroline #1, but now she’s acting like a complete a-hole. I think some of these ladies – and I use the term loosely – probably shouldn’t drink.

The two Carolines meet for a walk. Caroline #1 says Juliet was “looking for a fight.” Sorry. Don’t see it that way. She sees an online article from the Sunday Times business section via her phone. It’s Marissa promoting her new restaurant venture, and the picture shows her showing off a hot dog. (This is not a euphemism for anything. She has a literal hot dog in her hands. It looks pretty good too.) Caroline #1 of course has something snarky to say and I can’t wait for it to get back to Marissa, who also thinks her poopy doesn’t stink and whose feelings will be hurt no matter how she shrugs it off. I want to see these  two with the biggest egos go at it. That is if both of their heads can fit in one room.

Caroline #1 (is the whole show about her tonight?) has to pay some note (a loan to us Yanks) in regard to her store and the Christmas sales were not what they’d hoped for. I do feel for her on this front. Its date night for her and her husband, who travels an awful lot for work. I believe her shoe closet is entirely worth it though. In discussing her latest phone call with Juliet, she sounds like a middle-schooler. I don’t know why, but it still surprises me when people who seem so sophisticated are reduced to total morons once the cameras are rolling. Lisa Vanderpump, we salute you. You’re the only one with any dignity left.

The Baroness (Caroline #2) is taking a trip to her homeland of Denmark. She lands in Copenhagen, which makes me remember signing a petition about them unnecessarily euthanizing zoo animals. Wanting to visit and crossing it off the list in the same second. I kind of like this Caroline, although my jury’s still out due to the other Caroline. She lost her mother at a young age and is very close to her grandmother.  OMG – her grandmother has the most fabulous teapot ever! It sort of looks like a cabbage head. I love that type of ceramic serving piece and have some of them myself. I once worked for Lord & Taylor’s corporate office across from the Fifth Avenue store, where they occasionally had sample sales for the employees. I was thrilled to snag a few for about 8 bucks each, since normally they were way out of my price league. That also tells you something about the markup.

Julie, Annabelle and Juliet are having lunch. I want to eat at every restaurant they show on here. Julie is talking about Caroline #1’s anti-apology.  Julie has told Annabelle about Caroline #1 getting nasty on the phone with Juliet, and Juliet isn’t happy about that. The other two think she’s afraid of Caroline. Yep, we’re still in high school.

Next week’s coming attraction shows them being at another event where they’re drinking. I just can’t imagine what the outcome will be. I just hope it doesn’t involve animal costumes.