What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Esme checks out of the hospital, and Elizabeth says, she’s had a head injury. She wants Esme to call if she has any of these symptoms. Is there anything else she can do for her? Esme says she needs to speak with Dr. Gatlin-Holt. It could be a matter of life and death.

Laura asks if Portia’s heard any more from Trina, and Curtis says, no, but Jordan has IT monitoring Portia’s phone in case she calls again. But it’s not enough. He’s going down to the PCPD and find out what’s taking so long to find the Haunted Star. Laura tells him that he can’t do that. It’s not going to help anyone; least of all Trina.

Trina sneaks back into Spencer’s stateroom, and he hugs her, saying, he was going crazy. He asks if she’s okay, and she says she’s fine. She’s sorry his uncle is denying him food. She can try to get him something… He says, it’s not worth the risk, and she says, they’ll leave soon enough. It worked. He says, she made contact in the communications room? She says she did, and more. She holds up the walkie.

Watkins tells Victor, the nurse says the baby is sleepless and constantly crying, and Victor asks what he’s supposed to do about it. Ambrose walks in, and Victor asks what he’s doing here. He’s supposed to be guarding Spencer’s room. Ambrose says, the deadbolt’s locked, and Victor says he’s heard that before. Why did Ambrose leave his post? Ambrose says, there’s a walkie-talkie unaccounted for. It’s most likely misplaced, but… Victor asks why he’s being bothered with these mundane details. Ambrose is supposed to be guarding his nephew, not counting inventory. Now get back to doing just that. Unlocked doors, mislaid equipment, inept nurserymaids. What is he running here, some kind of sloppy clown show? It’s unacceptable. He runs a tight ship. This carelessness will not be tolerated. They might have walked on as crew, but he can see to it they’re carried off as cargo.

At Windymere, Avery does a jigsaw puzzle, while Ava supervises. Ava says, well done, and Avery yawns. Ava says, it’s past Avery’s bedtime, but Avery says she can’t go to sleep yet. If she does, then Ava will be lonely. She hopes Daddy Nikolas comes back soon. Ava says, all she needs is Avery. How about if they read a bedtime story to each other? Avery says, yeah, and hugs her. The doorbell rings, and Carly says she knows Ava’s home. Avery says, that’s Mama Carly, and I say, pretty impatient since this is a 46 room house. Ava opens the door, and Avery runs over to hug Carly, saying, she’s so happy to see her.

Sonny and Nina go into the chapel, and Nina asks if it’s more bad news about Willow, but he says, no; nothing has changed about her health. Brook told him that Michael and Willow are moving up the wedding, and they’re getting married tomorrow. That’s a good thing, right? They have a baby, and deserve to be happy. She says she wishes she could see it that way, but there’s nothing to celebrate about this wedding. It’s the beginning of the end.

Carly asks if Avery has grown another inch, and Avery starts dragging her to the living room to look at her puzzle, but Ava suggests she work on it some more. They’ll be right in. Avery runs to the living room, and Ava asks, what’s going on? Carly says, Willow’s moved her and Michael’s wedding up. They’re getting married tomorrow. Ava says, why the rush?… Oh, she sees. She’s so sorry. Carly says, Willow would like Avery to be part of the wedding party. She’d like it to be a family affair.

Sonny asks why Nina says this wedding is the end, and she says, doesn’t he see why they’re doing this? He says, they love each other, they just had a baby… She says, and they’re running out of time. He says, giving your life to another person is a beautiful expression of love, and Nina agrees, even if that life is nearly over. Saying I do might be the last thing that Willow does. His phone rings, and she tells him to get it. It’s Michael, who asks, where is he? and Sonny says, the hospital chapel. Is everything okay? Michael says he needs to see Sonny, and Sonny asks if he’s at the gatehouse. Sonny will come to him. Michael says, Willow is resting with the baby. He’ll come to Sonny. Sonny says he’ll be here, and tells Nina that Michael’s coming here. Does she have any idea what that’s about?

Carly looks at the puzzle, and says, Avery is almost done. Avery asks what’s in the bag Carly is carrying, and Carly says she’s glad Avery asked. She takes out a white basket adorned with ribbons, and asks if Avery knows what this is. Avery says, it’s so pretty, and Carly tells her, it’s so pretty because it’s special. Ava says, only for flower girls, and Carly says, Donna has one too. And this could be Avery’s if she accepts a very important job. It’s for Michael and Willow’s wedding. Avery says, yes. She’s always wanted to be a flower girl.

Laura tells Curtis, the crime is taking place in international waters, way beyond the scope of the PCPD. They’ve reached out to the appropriate authorities, and also managed to freeze Victor’s assets, which should make it a little more difficult for him to operate. Curtis says, that doesn’t get them any closer to finding the Haunted Star, but she tells him to think about this for a moment. Jordan is being pulled in every direction imaginable; with Anna being shot, Laura’s grandsons being kidnapped, Esme being attacked, and Trina a stowaway. If Curtis goes marching down to the PCPD demanding answers… He says, then he’ll just be another distraction, and she says, exactly. She suggests they put their heads together and come up with a way to help where they’re not getting in the way.

Austin says he hears Esme suffered a head injury. How is she feeling? Esme says, never mind her. She’s fine, but her baby isn’t.

Trina tells Spencer, her mom, his grandmother, Jordan, and Curtis know they’re on the boat, and Laura was familiar with this boat and the communications room. Laura talked her through so she could find the heading on the radar screen. Spencer wonders if there’s anything his grandmother can’t do, and Trina says she just hopes she gave them enough so they can find them. He asks why she took the walkie, and she says, so they can know what the guards do. So now they just have to sit tight and wait to be rescued. He says he hopes they can find them in time, and she asks what he means. He says, while she was gone, he found out a few things himself. He always knew his Uncle Victor was a very powerful man with all kinds of connections, and knew he could be ruthless. But that man is more dangerous than he ever could have imagined. He has this plan that could endanger millions of lives, and if they don’t stop him before they make landfall, it will be too late for all of them.

Trina says, Spencer’s uncle wants to reduce the global population? and he says, yes. His uncle has made this his life’s mission, like some maniacal zealot. He only intends to clear out half the world’s population. The Cassadines are excepted, of course (🍷), so he can convince them to come over to the dark side. He wonders if Esme and his dad found out about this, and his uncle did something with them. Trina tells him, they can’t say that for sure, but they do know his uncle is insane. No one can engineer the future of humanity. He asks if she wants to be the one to tell him that. The captain talks on the radio, and she says, they can’t be allowed to reach wherever they’re headed. This might be her only chance. She knows where the engine room is. He says, she’s taken enough risks already, and she says, but what if their families don’t find them in time to stop Victor? She can buy them some time, so they can catch up to them. He says he knows that she’s smart and brave, but be careful. Promise him that she’s not going to take any unnecessary risks because he doesn’t know what he’ll do. She promises, and says she wants to come back to him. He kisses her, and she says, this is about more than just them now. They have no choice. They have to do something. It’s up to them. She peeks outside, locks the deadbolt, and jets. I have a vision of Victor tied up, saying, those meddling kids!

Esme says, her baby’s been kidnapped, and Austin says he knows. It’s terrifying. He hopes it’s some comfort to her, but he was once close to someone who had a baby kidnapped too. She was told to stay strong and keep it together. He thinks it’s really important that in moments like this they remain hopeful that Ace is going to be fine, and he’ll be back in her arms really soon. She asks if his friend got her baby back, and he says, she did. Elizabeth says, the PCPD is on it, and they’re going to find her baby, but Esme says, Ace’s cholic isn’t being treated. The stuff Austin gave her was in his diaper bag, and the kidnapper just left it. Austin says, if she’s concerned Ace’s cholic is going to turn into a serious health crisis, she doesn’t need to be. It’s not life threatening, and will probably just resolve itself. Elizabeth says, Ace isn’t going to suffer any lasting harm from cholic, but Esme says she hates the idea of him suffering at all. Austin says he knows, but these things have a way of working out. She says, but who’s rocking him to sleep at night? How does she know he’s eating properly if she’s not there to do it? Elizabeth says she heard that Spencer was also kidnapped, so they’re probably together. She knows Spencer will do whatever he can to comfort his baby brother and protect him. Esme asks if Elizabeth is saying she shouldn’t worry because her baby doesn’t need her.

Carly thanks Ava for letting her tuck Avery in, and Ava says, it was the only way they were going to pry the basket out of her hands. Carly says she should have known Avery would want to practice her flower girl duties, and Ava says she’s sure it will be a lovely ceremony. Carly says, aside from the fact that the bride may be dying, and Ava says, no one can predict the future. Her current feelings about love and marriage aside, she thinks this wedding is a great idea; life affirming even. Carly agrees, and says, celebrating with family and friends is the perfect medicine for Willow. She tells Ava that she’ll see herself out, and Ava says she wants to be clear on something. Carly said earlier that the wedding was going to be a family affair. She’s just curious. Does that include Nina and Sonny?

Sonny tells Nina, they’re moving up the wedding because of Willow’s condition, but that’s not the only reason. They’re saying to the world that they love each other, and that love should be celebrated, despite any situation. She says, he’s right, and despite her differences with Michael, she has to admit, his son loves her daughter. He says, more than anything, and she says, they’ll celebrate them getting married even though they can’t be there with them. Michael walks in.

Ambrose opens Spencer’s door, and Victor comes in carrying Ace, and looking like he’s never carried a baby before. Spencer says, Victor brought him. Is he okay? Victor hands Spencer the baby, and says, he’s fussy and restless, and he thought a visit with his brother would do them both some good.

The engine room guard gets called to the deck, and Trina runs inside.

Elizabeth says she wasn’t suggesting Esme’s son doesn’t need her, but Esme says, please, people have been lined up to take Ace away from her since the moment he was born. Austin says, she’s Ace’s mom, and from what he’s observed, she’s a conscientious and loving parent, so give herself a break. Don’t let people get in her head. She says she’s sorry, but he says, she doesn’t need to apologize. They’re all just really hopeful that Ace returns safely. She says, they’ve both been a great comfort, thanks them, and leaves. Elizabeth says, he handled that well, and he says, she did too, so thanks for that. Elizabeth says she didn’t want to get into that with Esme, but she’s lived through that trauma. Everything turned out okay, but when she didn’t know what was happening to her child… it’s indescribable terror. He says he’s glad she came through it okay, and he hopes Esme gets through it okay. She’s been through a lot, and he really feels for her. She tells him that she never thought she’d say this, but so does she.

Laura tells Curtis that she and Doc have a friend who’s a brigadier general, and he may be able to assist the coastguard. Curtis says, and he still has some contacts from his law enforcement and P.I. days. He wants to get a bead on Victor’s support personnel. From the description of the safehouse takeover, they sound like paramilitary. She says, that’s a very good point. He’s got a lot of resources. Esme joins them, and says she’s officially been released… although some may say she doesn’t deserve to be.

Carly says, the guest list is up to Michael and Willow, and Ava says she’s sure they took her feelings into consideration. Carly says, if Nina and Sonny aren’t invited, it’s not because of her, and Ava says she just knows Michael and Willow love Carly, and want her to be comfortable. And that might dictate who they include, and who they choose not to include. Carly says, Michael and Willow have their reasons for who they choose to invite and who they choose to exclude, and Ava says, of course (🍷). She just thinks a health crisis of this magnitude would bring them all together, and not make a bigger divide. Carly asks, what’s it to Ava? Why does she care? Ava says, Nina. Nina’s her friend, and she’s devastated about Willow, the daughter Carly kept from her. So she can’t ask if her friend has been invited to her daughter’s big day? Carly asks why Ava and Nina are friends. What could they possibly have in common? Besides hating her.

Nina says she hears congratulations are in order, and wishes Michael and Willow the best on their big day. Michael barely nods, and Nina excuses herself. Michael asks how Nina… and Sonny says, Brook. Michael says he’ll have to thank her for saving him the trouble, and Sonny says, Brook felt terrible for letting it slip, but he’s glad she did. He’s really happy for Michael and Willow. Give Willow his best wishes. Michael says, or Sonny could do it himself, and Sonny asks what that means. Michael asks if Sonny would like to attend their wedding. He and Willow want this to be a family affair, so that includes Sonny. Sonny says, there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for Michael or Willow, and Michael says, Willow wants to keep it simple, so it’s going to be intimate. The guest list is going to be small. Sonny says he’s even more honored to be included, and Michael says he hopes Sonny understands this invitation is for him alone. Sonny says, so Michael wants him to come to his wedding, but doesn’t want Nina to come, and Michael turns to see Nina in the doorway. Technically, I can see both sides. Not everybody gets a plus one, and Sonny isn’t engaged to Nina.

Ava says she doesn’t hate Carly, and Carly says, her friend Nina sure does. And here Ava is, doing her bidding. How is this so-called friendship even possible? The woman immobilized Ava, and forced her to give birth to Avery. Ava says, Nina has definitely benefited from forgiveness and grace, and Carly asks if Ava is telling her that when she looks at Nina, she doesn’t see what Nina did to her. All is forgiven and forgotten? Ava says, to be honest, she tries not to think about it; and when she looks at Nina, she doesn’t see the disturbed woman she used to be. She sees the woman who has gotten help; who has turned her life around, and yeah, she and Nina have become friends, as unlikely as that is. It feels a lot better than harboring bitterness and resentment. Carly thanks Ava for the inspirational talk, and says, next time, she’ll make sure to wear beads and bring a candle. Ava says she’s not trying to get into it with Carly. She just wants Carly to see how much power she has here. She’s on the inside, and that gives her the perfect opportunity to broker peace. Carly says, since when did Ava become an authority on peace? and Ava says she gets a lot of quiet in this old house, but no peace. She’s just trying to spare Carly her regrets. Carly says, what regrets?

Elizabeth thanks Austin for dropping everything to be with Esme, but he says he was happy to help. Amy glances at Austin, and when he looks at her, she turns away. Austin quietly asks if Elizabeth can tell him why Amy is looking at him like that; she’s been doing it all day. Elizabeth asks Amy if there’s something Austin can help her with, and I miss something here, but the gist of it is, Amy tells Austin to watch out for Ava.

Carly asks if there’s anything else Ava needs to say to her; any more insight into her behavior? Ava says, just one more thing. This may be the last chance for Nina and Willow. She knows Carly is capable of rising above; she’s seen Carly do it with her for Avery’s sake. Won’t she do it with Nina for Willow’s? Carly says, it’s not her call. It’s Willow’s choice to make. Whatever boundaries she’s set with Nina, it’s what she’s comfortable with. Ava says, she tried, and walks to the door. Carly says, maybe she’s trying so hard to fix Nina because she can’t fix Trina, and Ava says, what about Trina? Did something happen?

Laura introduces Curtis to Esme, and Esme says she recognizes the name, but… He says, they’ve met before, but he’s sure she doesn’t recall, and she says, something tells her it’s best she doesn’t. It’s nice meeting him again. She tells Laura that she’s going to grab a drink from the cafeteria, and leaves. Curtis says he doesn’t know how Laura does it. He doesn’t know how she has Esme under her roof. Laura says, Esme is the mother of her grandson. He can relate to this. Family is everything, right?

Victor says, cholic? and Spencer says, it’s a condition where perfectly healthy babies will sometimes cry for hours. It seems Ace is a little bit fussy right now. He’s surprised Victor’s nanny didn’t know this. Victor says, that’s why he brought the little tyke to Spencer, and Spencer says he’s happy Victor did. He’s happy to help. Ace can stay here with him. Victor tells him not to press his luck, and Spencer says, Victor may not believe him, but babies, especially infants, need routine and familiarity. Victor says he wouldn’t know anything about that. He hasn’t had any interaction with babies; not with Valentin, or any child. Spencer asks if that’s what this is about. Did losing Valentin finally push him over the edge? Victor says, this has been his plan all along. He did include his treacherous son, but it’s his loss. Spencer says, Victor said is. Is he saying Valentin is still alive? Victor says, the incident in Paris was just a ruse. It worked for a while. He was distracted with grief for a son who was alive and well. Meanwhile, Valentin and his allies were conspiring to keep him from the one thing he needed to complete his mission. Valentin betrayed him, and very nearly condemned this planet. Valentin’s alive, but when all is said and done, he’ll wish he was dead. As will anyone who stands in his way.

Victor says he’ll take the baby back to his nurse. Hopefully, she’ll know how to deal with this cholic. Spencer says, Victor didn’t give up on his father. Why should he give up on his own son? It’s not too late for him to put this plan of his on ice, and reconcile with Valentin. Victor says, nice try. Don’t make him regret allowing this visit. There’s a knock at the door, and Watkins asks to speak with Victor privately. In the hallway, Watkins says, there’s trouble with the engine. The electrical cable that supplies power to the motors is badly damaged. The engineer says, if he can’t fix it, he may have to call for an emergency tow vessel. Victor says to tell the engineer he’d better damn well fix it, or Victor will scuttle this ship with him on board.

Curtis asks if Laura really believes Esme doesn’t remember who she is – or what – and Laura says she hasn’t seen any signs that she does. But she can understand his reservations. What she did to Trina was a pretty serious thing. Honestly, she doesn’t feel like that person anymore. Even Trina argued for her to be released. He says, but what about when her memory returns? and Laura says, even if she does recover her memory, that doesn’t mean she’s going to revert back to who she was. She’s had so many conversations with Doc about this, and he’s made it clear to her that the mind and memory is an incredibly complicated thing. She witnessed that herself with Elizabeth. And what about Drew? He says, Drew. That’s right. She says, what’s right? The human mind is an incredibly complicated thing? He says, exactly. She just gave him an idea on how to find the ship.

Elizabeth says, that’s highly inappropriate, and Amy says she’s sorry, but she saw how chummy Austin was with Ava Jerome at the Nurses Ball. Austin asks if that’s an issue, and Elizabeth asks, what business is it of Amy’s? Amy says she just thinks he needs to know that Ava Jerome is someone to be careful around. She looks around, lowers her voice, and says, rumor is, she and her ex just went through a bitter divorce. Now he’s disappeared.

Ava asks if Carly is sure Victor has Trina, and Carly says, all she knows is, she was at Josslyn’s dorm when Dante wanted to ask Trina some questions. They all realized no one had seen Trina since the Nurses Ball. Josslyn said Trina was worried about Spencer, and they’re all just assuming Trina was with Spencer when Victor took him. Ava says, that son of a bitch. She has to go see Portia. She might have an update, and Ava should offer her support. Would Carly mind staying with Avery? Carly says she’d be happy to, Ava thanks her and runs out the door.

Victor asks, when exactly was the electrical cable damaged? and Watkins says, the engineer was alerted about 15 minutes ago. Everything was fine this morning. Spencer listens in, and Victor says, and Watkins recruited the engine room guard to look for the missing walkie? They hear the baby cry, and Spencer moves away from the door. He tells Ace, it will be okay, and Watkins says, when the guard was searching, the engine room wasn’t left unattended for more than ten minutes. Victor says, that’s plenty of time, and tells Watkins to listen carefully and follow his directions to the letter.

Nina says she forgot her purse, and as she goes to get it, Sonny says, Michael invited him to the wedding. She says, how wonderful, but Sonny says, he can’t do it. She says, no. Weddings are to be celebrated. She’s really glad he can be there to witness it. He says he wishes it was different, and she says, her too. Starting with Aunt Liesl. Nina wishes she was able to go through with the transplant, and Michael says he’s sorry about Liesl. Nina asks, how’s Willow? and he says, she’s weak, but planning the wedding has given her renewed energy. Nina says she’s sure there’s no shortage of people to help her. She’s glad Willow has people to support her. She definitely deserves that. Sonny says, everybody does, and Nina’s voice breaks as she says, just tell Willow that she’s thinking about her. Nina leaves, and Michael says, for a moment there, it sounded like Sonny was about to decline his invitation. Sonny says, that depends. Is this invite from the both of them, or just Willow? Does Michael really want him to be there?

Michael says he wants what’s best for his family, and that means having Sonny there. He also knows this could cause some issues with Nina, so no harm, no foul if Sonny chooses not to attend. Sonny says he also wants what’s best for his family, and Michael tells him, think about it and let him know. Sonny says he already made his decision. He’ll be there.

Amy says, Austin is a good doctor, and a good guy. Maybe he doesn’t know about Ava Jerome… Elizabeth says, that’s enough. Doesn’t she have charts she’s supposed to file? Amy says, no, and Elizabeth says, she does now. Amy jets, and Austin says he guesses it’s true. They say Elizabeth is going to make a great head nurse. She says, that’s not a done deal, but Epiphany wouldn’t allow this gossip mongering and neither will she. She’s really sorry about that. She doesn’t know what got into Amy. She apologizes for her. Austin says, it’s really okay. Amy just must have seen them at the Nurses Ball. She’s just jumping to conclusions. He sees Ava come in, and says, he can say for sure, things are not always what they seem.

Ambrose hears, all hands on deck, over the radio, and heads upstairs. Trina slips into Spencer’s room.

Carly picks up the basket, and flashes back to Ava saying, time is running out. This may be the last chance for Nina and Willow. She knows Carly is capable of rising above; she’s seen Carly do it with her for Avery’s sake. Won’t she do it for Nina with Willow’s? The doorbell rings, and Carly opens the door. It’s Nina.

Laura says she seems to have inspired an ah-ha moment. Does Curtis want to fill her in? He says, the human memory is complicated. It’s something he learned as a cop questioning witnesses. People remember more than they realize. Esme says she’s sorry to interrupt, and gives Laura some coffee. Laura says, that was thoughtful of her, and Esme says, Curtis is Trina Robinson’s stepfather, right? He says, right, and she says, she just had to tell him that Trina’s been very kind to her when from what she’s heard, Trina had every right not to be. She hopes he finds her soon. He thanks her, and says, same to her baby. He tells Laura that he’ll let her know what he learns, and leaves. Laura asks if Esme is ready to go, but Esme says she’s not sure. Laura asks if she’s afraid to go back to the apartment. Does she feel unsafe there? The city has beefed up our security, and Doc has made sure… Esme says, it’s not that. She’s sure Laura will protect her. Laura asks why she doesn’t want to go then, and Esme says, because Ace won’t be there, and Laura hugs her.

Watkins brings Spencer, still carrying Ace, to the main salon or whatever it is, and he asks what he’s doing here. Victor says he thought Spencer would enjoy a break from his close quarters, and tells Watkins to take Ace to the baby nurse. Spencer tells Watkins to be careful with him, and Watkins takes the baby. Victor says he decided to let Spencer eat after all, and Spencer asks, what changed his mind? Victor says, Spencer no longer has reason to pull those diversionary stunts of his. Victor holds all the cards. Spencer says he doesn’t know what Victor is talking about, and Victor says, no? He sees their dinner guest has arrived. Ambrose strongarms Trina into the room.

Tomorrow, Curtis says, Trina’s life depends on Drew remembering; Spencer says, Trina may have saved them; Victor says he knew Obrecht would rise to the challenge (and she looks like she might bite him); and Carly tells Nina that Sonny is finally choosing to put his family in front of her.

Vanderpump Rules

Get out your magnifying glasses and Sherlock Holmes hats.

Brock and Scheana do thank you cards, mostly Scheana. Ally asks if James has talked to Schwartz, and he says he can picture Schwartz and Raquel continuing to date, but she doesn’t see it. Raquel pretends to let Charli take photos for her Hinge profile. Katie visits Schwartz to pick up the dogs, and he tells her that he’s stressed out. They don’t have a kitchen staff, and they’re supposed to open. In Katie’s interview, she says, it’s liberating to know she doesn’t have to deal with this anymore. This mess isn’t her mess. She says, see you, and jets with the pets. Schwartz calls Sandoval during his interview, and says he and Katie usually catch up when they exchange the dogs, but Katie was only there 30 seconds. He did nothing wrong. Sandoval says, Schwartz is a single guy; they broke up. He was on vacation. In Schwartz’s interview, he thinks Katie is blowing this kiss out of proportion more than anything she’s exaggerated in the history of their relationship. He feels like he cheated. He thinks she’s more upset than he would be if the shoe was on the other foot. He says, if Sandoval and Katie got married, he would support that, and Sandoval says, funny he should say that… (🚩) Schwartz says, shut up, dude.

Charli and Raquel sit in the park after their photo session, and Charli says, Katie invited her to brunch, but she was disappointed with the information she was given. We see a clip of Katie telling her about the crowd cheering Raquel and Schwartz’s kiss, and Charli says, that they cheered was distasteful. It also happened to be Katie’s wedding anniversary. Raquel says, they’re not together anymore, and Katie chose to go on the trip when she wasn’t invited. Charli says she wouldn’t do that to her worst enemy, and would have respect for their 12 year relationship. She would have expected better from Raquel than that. (Wow. Just wait.) Not that she wouldn’t be friends with Raquel, but it’s not a cool thing to do. Well, kudos to Charli. I haven’t liked her very much, but that was definitely women supporting women. Raquel says, it’s not like they’re going to be dating, and in her interview, she says, if Schwartz showed interest, she would date him, but she’s not trying to be Debbie Desperado. She tells Charli that she’s going on a date with Oliver; he’s picking a spot. Charli says, that sounds like so much fun.

In Schwartz’s interview, he says he has a newfound sense of optimism and determination, even though he knows they’re not going to open. We flash back to Lisa calling them when they were at the wedding, and he says, it was tough; a jagged, bitter pill to swallow. They were trying to speak August 31^st into existence. They were putting in the work, and had momentum, but now it’s not happening. General manager Brett meets with them, and tells them, the booth guy quit. A machine cut pieces for it, and they didn’t fit. The machine broke, and the guy quit. I have no idea what he’s talking about, but it seems like just one more thing to add to their pile. Sandoval asks if Brett tried offering him more money, but Brett says, absolutely f***ing not. They’re spending too much on things like this. Sandoval asks what they  besides kitchen staff, and Brett says, that’s most important. He feels like he was pushed into hiring the kitchen manager, and he’s letting him go. He’d had to perfect some dishes, and didn’t cut it. The dishes fell short; he’s not the right fit. Schwartz tells Sandoval, saying they have to open is pointless, and Sandoval says, they either open or they’re f***ed. If they have to serve potato chips, they’re going to do it. If they don’t, they’ll lose this place. In Sandoval’s interview, he says, they’ve invested a million dollars. He could lose his house and his mom’s retirement. Schwartz and Greg don’t have those stakes. Brett says, he’s worried about a guy who can’t make anything. It’s not his fault. Let the Toms work with them. In his interview, Sandoval says, he loves Brett, but at this point perfectionism is death, but he’ll be happy with a B+. Nobody ever performs at A+ level. Schwartz says he thinks their opening is closer than they think.

Katie goes to Ariana’s house bearing a basket of weird cheeses, since they’re going to make sandwiches. Sandoval tells them, congratulations, and Katie says, they paid the rent deposit, and bought out the previous owner’s setup. In Sandoval’s interview, he says he’s stoked for them, but he’s jealous of the low rent. It’s small, contained, easy, and no partners. He’s envious. Katie says, when she went to Schwartz’s to get the dogs, he was saying how Schwartz & Sandy’s wouldn’t be able to open, and he was stressed. She said, sounds awful; see ya later. They’re not friends. Sandoval asks if this is because of Schwartz making out with Raquel, and she says, it is. Sandoval says he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. They’re two single people who are decent looking (why this has anything to do with it, I don’t know) in Mexico who decided to make out. Katie says, they had multiple conversations about it, and Schwartz said it would never happen. It’s too close to home. Ariana says, it would be different if Raquel wasn’t in the friend group, and Katie calls her a whore. She says, Schwartz has the habit of sticking his tongue where it doesn’t belong, so it shouldn’t surprise her. Sandoval says, they’re not together, so if Schwartz wants to do something stupid… (🚩) Ariana says, he and Katie made a deal, and Katie says, he doesn’t see her hopping on his friends. In Katie’s interview, she said, they agreed and had an understanding. She could try to forgive, but she’s not betraying herself. She says she’s been respectful in her dealings with Schwartz, and Sandoval says, Schwartz has had no other girlfriend, and when his friend Jo stayed with him, she called crying that Katie was leaving her messages. It isn’t crossing line for him to have a female roommate. Katie said he’d never mentioned it, and Ariana says, he was being oddly secretive. In her interview, Katie says, Jo was Kristen Doute’s crazy friend, which says a lot about her. Jo texted her after the divorce, and said she’d always love and respect Katie, then moved in with her ex two seconds later. She’s that kind of bitch. Sandoval says, they need a healthy separation, and Katie says, it was something they decided together. Sandoval says, she decided, and Schwartz agreed. Ariana says, Schwartz wanted to be friends, and Katie says, and if he’s f***ing their friends, she’s not going to be his friend. If someone doesn’t understand that, she hopes it never happens to them.

James tells Lisa about the kiss heard round the world, and wonders, who’s next from the SUR crowd? Lisa says she thinks he’s jealous, but he says, definitely not. In James’s interview, he says he doesn’t care who Raquel makes out with. She made out with sweaty Peter after a six hour shift and move on to Schwartz. He’s over it. The Toms meet Lisa at SUR, and Schwartz says he’s relearning to communicate; he used to have a brain. Lisa asks what they’re snooping around here for, and Raquel comes over to the table as a server. She and Schwartz high-five, and she says they haven’t seen each other since Mexico. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he wouldn’t mind kissing Raquel again, but he doesn’t want another relationship after 12 years . He wants minimal feelings and all fun. Sandoval says he talked to Katie today, and she wasn’t happy. She called Raquel a f***ing whore. In Raquel’s interview, she says, Katie is so rude and bitchy. She’s trying to grow and be a better version of who she was. Lisa asks why Sandoval told her that, and Raquel says, now kissing people makes you a whore. In her interview, Raquel says, it’s a big roadblock for her, trying be liked. She gets all weepy, and says, people either charge or drain her battery, and she doesn’t want have the battery drainers in her life. Raquel wonders why Katie assumes they’re f***ing, and leaves with their orders. Lisa says, she’s probably upset. Nobody wants to hear that. Sandoval calls Raquel back, and she says she doesn’t appreciate being slut shamed; it’s not cool. In Sandoval’s interview, he says he didn’t anticipate Raquel being upset. He thought she’d shrug it off, and she’d want to know what people are saying. He tells Lisa, to him, it’s an eyeroll and a laugh, and Lisa tells him to take responsibility. In his interview, Sandoval says he feels like not many people are in Raquel’s corner. She’s a sweet girl, and there’s not a bad bone in her body. (🚩)

Ally, Kristina, and Katie visit Lala, who says, her upcoming birthday is a special birthday. It’s a completely new chapter for her. In Lala’s interview, she says, she’d rather live in this apartment for the rest of her life, feeling safe and surrounded by people she loves, than the house in Bel Air, which more like a torture chamber. She tells the girls that she’s invited everybody except Raquel, Schwartz, and Charli. Katie says she’s bringing a guy. In Katie’s interview, she says, Satchel is a sweet guy she met when she was out with Kristina. She tells the others that he was named after Satchel Page, and in her interview, she says, she just thought this could be fun. She didn’t anticipate staying. She came for the D, and stayed for the conversation. Katie says, no one’s met him, and Kristina says Katie has been living her life being too sensitive about others with her actions. Lala tells her to do what she wants. It is what it is.

It’s Villa Rosa time. Ponies! Swans! Puffy! It’s a sad time though, as pony Rosé has died. The Toms visit, and Lisa tells them that she’s very upset. Rosé was only six. They got her as a baby, and she never had a day’s illness in her life. In Lisa’s interview, she says, suddenly, Rosé was lying down, and in pain. Ken put her in the truck, and took her to the vet, but she died before they got there. The Toms give her flowers, and they toast to Rosé. Lisa says she feels emotionally depleted, but they need to talk. She assumes they’re not opening, and it’s giving her anxiety. Sandoval tells her that Brett and Greg fired the chef, so now they’ve lost all their kitchen staff. They’re tired of being nickel and dimed, and want to just f***ing open. Schwartz says, Sandoval huffs and puffs, but it doesn’t matter how loud he is if it isn’t backed up with action and effort. Lisa says, that’s a big accusation, and Schwartz says, when they were supposed to submit a menu, he was at band practice, and was late for the meeting because he was getting his nails done. In Sandoval’s interview, he says, band practice had been scheduled weeks in advance, and he’s not walking around with grubby-ass nails. (He has priorities, people!) Lisa says, it’s giving her terrible anxiety, and Sandoval says, one person is pulling the brakes. Schwartz says, they’re not ready, and Sandoval says, they’ll never be ready.

Sandoval tells Ariana that he’s starting his cleanse, and they talk about him making his deposit. In Ariana’s interview, she says, two years ago she froze her eggs, and has 26 that are viable. Good job, ovaries. She reads from a list, and says, don’t drink or smoke for five days, and in her interview, she says, her stance on all this being pregnant hasn’t changed, but she doesn’t like the idea of a biological clock running things. She tells Sandoval, manage stress, and he says he’s at peak anxiety. They were supposed to open on the 31^st. She tells him that he can only do what he’s in control of, and in Sandoval’s interview, he says, last year, Ariana asked him to fertilize her eggs, and he was excited. We flash back to the Reunion when they’d discussed it, but he wonders why he wants to fertilize eggs when they might or might not have kids, if Ariana decides. He’s not thrilled about not drinking, and Ariana says, he needs to work on more healthy coping mechanisms. Not taking a shot isn’t hard. Sandoval says, it’s tough to talk to her, since she never agrees with him, and she says she agrees plenty, but he says, this summer especially. He says, if he explains a situation or point-of-view, he feels like she’s quick to take the other side. He doesn’t want anyone to have his back unconditionally, but he feels like she questions his intelligence. Ariana says she wouldn’t be with an idiot, and if she thought he was an idiot, she’d be nice to him all the time, poor thing. Tom says he feels like he annoys her, and Ariana says, he does it on purpose. They’ve been together a long time. She can only imagine how annoying she is.

Garcelle and Oliver meet Lisa at PUMP, and Lisa says, she gets worried when someone asks her to give their son a job, but in this case, she lucked out. They order drinks, and Garcelle says, Lisa’s rosé beats everyone else’s. In Lisa’s interview, she says, her rosé is much better than any rose your friends might try to create. This makes me want to try it, even though I’m not a fan of rosé se all day. Lisa says, the last time she saw Oliver, he was hanging around the girls, and Garcelle says she saw the photo and wondered if she should be worried. Oliver says, it was an eventful night, and Garcelle wonders if she should be here. Lisa says, Oliver had a snog, and Garcelle says, it sounds dirty, but Lisa says, it’s a kiss; a make-out. Oliver says, it was nothing serious, and Lisa says, the girls were all like, take me, take me. Oliver says, Raquel was super sweet, and they had a great time. They’re having a little rendezvous tonight. Lisa asks if he split up with his wife, and Oliver says, they’ve been separated for months now. They’re working on co-parenting in a healthy way. She’s a great mom, and her kids are fantastic. They’ll always be family. Garcelle says she thinks her ex-husband Michael modeled what a stepdad does.

James tells Ally that he’s been invited to a lot of Lala’s birthday parties, and disinvited to a lot of Lala’s birthday parties. Ally says, she’s scared she started something, and in her interview, she says she mentioned to the girls that she’d seen Sandoval and Raquel dancing at The Abbey after See You Next Tuesday at 1 am. (🚩) Personally, she wouldn’t be comfortable if her boyfriend was out with someone else at 1 am. James says he noticed Raquel was hanging out more with both Toms (🚩), but he wouldn’t put too much into it. Kristina brings Lala flowers, and in her interview, Lala says, it’s her motherf***ing birthday. She’s having the best day. It’s the first birthday she’s celebrate single in a very long time. She’s feeling like she also wants to end the night with birthday sex. Whoever is ready and willing, come to her bed. Kristina says she has so much to tell Lala. Oliver’s wife saw a picture he’d posted of him and the girls in Vegas, and he’d said he and Raquel made out and he was coming out for a date. Raquel knows none of this. Meanwhile, Raquel visits Scheana and Brock, and says, apparently, Oliver isn’t separated from his wife. His wife posted that he was cheating on her with multiple women, specifically Raquel. Scheana says, no way he’s not separated, and Raquel says, the way he was making out with her in Vegas, they definitely seemed separated. Huh. Maybe she is a dummy. She says she’s going to confront him about it, and Scheana suggests Raquel talk to his ex. Raquel agrees to do it, and say she’s terrified, and Brock says he doesn’t want be here. Raquel tells maybe ex, Samantha, that she’s so sorry. She read Samantha’s posts, and had no idea Oliver was still committed to her. In Raquel’s interview, she says, he made it seem like they were at least going through a divorce, and she tells Samantha that it was f***ed up of him to do this, and now he put her in this position. In her interview, Raquel says she’s pissed off. He was talking to Samantha like he’d made promises to work on their marriage, and they’re living in the same apartment. It seems manipulative and selfish. I laugh, and Raquel says she hates being in this position. Raquel tells Brock and Scheana that Oliver went home and slept with his wife after making out with her. Scheana says, now Raquel will be labeled the other woman, and it never goes away. <snort> Lala tells Kristina, it’s what’s called a mistress.

They meet at I don’t know what restaurant because I had a problem with my computer for a moment. Katie has brought her new squeeze, and in her interview, she says, it’s hanging out with Satchel, who’s sweet and shows her affection. It’s a nice change. We flash back to her misery with Schwartz, and she says she won’t be complaining about how his d*ck doesn’t work either. In Scheana’s interview, she says, it’s weird seeing Katie with this mactor shaggy dog motherf***er who looks like he just got groomed at Vanderpump Dogs. James asks if Schwartz is coming, and we see Schwartz wishing for a cup holder while soaking in the tub. They discuss the latest headlines about Oliver cheating with Raquel, among others, and Lala says she thinks they’re on a date tonight..

Oliver and Raquel meet at a restaurant, and Oliver says he’s sure Raquel knows there’s a lot of stuff going on in his life. His son’s mom put him on blast, and it’s been a rough day. Raquel says she felt she owed it to him to hear his side of the story. She had a conversation with Samantha, who said he cheated with multiple women, and she’s one of them. It was shocking the way he made it seem like they were separated completely. He says, they have been. He’s had his own place for 8 months. Sometimes he still sees her. Things happen, and sometimes people feel lonely. This is new, and he also wants to be around his son. He’s not excusing it, just putting it on the table. They’re getting divorced. Raquel asks where he stayed the night they kissed, and he says, at his own house, by himself. Raquel says, Samantha told her that they had sex, but he says, they didn’t that night, but maybe a few days later. She asks if he doesn’t think that’s confusing, and he says he’s sorry. This is messy and he brought her into it. That wasn’t his intention, and he feels horrible. She says she appreciates the apology, but it doesn’t make up for the bashing she’s getting on social media. People are saying she’s seeing a married guy, and it wasn’t presented to her that way. It’s unfair. He says he understands if she’s mad, and she says she is. He says he doesn’t blame her. It’s super messy, and wasn’t the foot he wanted to start out on. In Raquel’s interview, she says she’s furious. This made her look a certain way that’s not representative of her. It make her think he wants his wife to feel that. She tells him that they would have had a great time if he was divorced, and leaves. I’d cheer if it wasn’t Raquel, who is possibly the biggest hypocrite ever in this moment.  

Raquel calls Scheana, and says she needs to talk to Lala. Scheana asks if she isn’t on a date, and not knowing who Scheana is talking to, Lala says she wouldn’t be so quick to throw daggers. She bets Raquel’s mom is proud. Kristina says, it’s Raquel they’re talking about. Why would they expect her to make a wise choice? Raquel sends Lala a text, asking to meet her outside. Scheana goes out to see Raquel, who tells her that Oliver didn’t even stand when she left the table. They go back in, and Raquel approaches the table. Lala says, what’s up, mistress? and in Lala’s interview, she says, she’s not surprised. Of course Raquel would show up on her birthday. Raquel says she’d love to chat if Lala would hear her out. They go outside, and Sandoval says, it looks like Katie is getting joy from this. In his interview, he says, she’s proactively vindictive. It’s like she’s savoring the best piece of wagyu steak.

Outside, Raquel tells Lala, happy birthday, and Lala says, Raquel gave her the best gift already. Raquel says she wants to apologize for calling Lala a mistress. Her world turned upside down today. She had no idea Oliver was still with his wife. Lala says, Raquel should have asked how long it had been. She asked Randall, but he lied. Raquel says, that’s why she’s apologizing. She didn’t realize how easily a man could mislead a woman, saying it one way, and it’s the opposite. Yep. She is both dumb and dumber. Lala says, now Raquel knows how it feels. And he’ll get away squeaky clean while the woman takes the brunt. She suggest this be a learning experience for both of them. Lala doesn’t want beef with Raquel, and Raquel says, neither does she. Lala says she’s been called a homewrecking whore and a mistress, and they rise above because they know the truth. Raquel says, they were misled, but know their worth now. In her interview, Raquel says, she’s single for the first time in her adult life. She’s allowed time to reflect on who she is as a person. In the past, she’s limited herself, basing her worth on how other people valued her. Now she’s ready to break that. Lala says, Raquel’s not a mistress, and don’t let anyone say she is. I’m sure Lala is banging her head against the wall if she’s watching this. They hug, and Raquel says she’s really sorry. Lala says she forgives and forgets, and they go their separate ways. Inside, Ally is talking about seeing Raquel and Sandoval dancing at The Abbey.

Next time, James says, it sounds like Katie is saying Ariana and Sandoval are in an open relationship; Sandoval says, Ariana is always at him; James tells Schwartz to take a look at his own life, and throws a drink on him.

📺 On Watch What Happens Live, the Watch What Happens 5 segment was the top 5 cringeworthy Scandoval moments in tonight’s episode. They were adequate, but I think they missed some better ones.  

🍹 It happened. They were showing a rerun of Southern Hospitality, and I got confused for a moment, thinking I was watching Vanderpump Rules. My allegiance will always lie with VPR though, because, LVP.

👟  Taking Off My Blue Suede Shoes…

Swing back tomorrow for more soap and a dip in the teapot. Until then, stay safe, stay learning from your mistakes, and stay celebrating love, despite any situation.