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January 11, 2018 – The Plan to Draw Out Faison Moves Forward & a Happy Birthday

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

Maxie wakes Nathan. She sees the shadow of Faison taking their baby. Nathan runs after him. In reality, she wakes up at her desk. Peter asks if she’s all right.

Lulu sees Nathan at the station. He says Dante is in the field, but she was hoping to find him. She asks if he’s given more thought to her plan. He has, and he’s in. He thinks the best way to draw Faison out is use himself as bait.

At the MetroCourt, Jason tells Sonny if all PK Sinclair, the traitor, and Faison’s son are the same person, they could use him to draw Faison out. Diane comes in. She’s there to finalize Jason’s divorce from Sam.

Alexis walks in on Drew and Sam kissing. She tells Sam it’s time to go to the courthouse, and she has her back. Drew thanks her for helping.

Dante goes to Charlie’s, saying it’s something for Julian to be calling the police for help. He came personally to make sure Julian isn’t causing trouble. Julian says he’s the victim this time. A brick was thrown through his window. Vandalism is one thing, but someone is sending him a message.

Peter apologizes for startling Maxie. Maxie asks him not to tell the boss she’s sleeping at her desk. He says he’s one of her bosses too. She says pregnancy is exhausting, but assures him they don’t usually sleep at Crimson. She says her husband is Nina’s brother, but she didn’t get the job through nepotism, since she was there before Nina, and asks if they can start the conversation over. Peter says he’ll try to find Nina later, and hopes she feels better. She wants to talk to him about a mutual friend.

Nathan tells Lulu that he’s gotten no sleep since he found out, and as long as Faison is out there, Maxie won’t get any rest. If they publish an interview with Faison’s son, he won’t be able to resist making contact. The sooner, the better. Lulu asks how they roll it out to get the results they need.

Julian tells Dante that a brick was thrown through his kitchen window. It’s a warning. Dante asks if it might be any of his old associates, and Julian says all of his rivals are dead, except for Dante’s father. He’s hosted a few town hall type meetings about the redevelopment project. Maybe it’s one of the protesters. Dante says he thought Julian was on their side. Julian says he did too. Dante points out that he has no cameras. Julian says he’ll order them, and Dante promises to have Jordan send a patrol car around.

Diane says Sam and Jason’s 2011 marriage was still valid when he disappeared. She got a divorce from Drew under Jason’s name, and the matter will be settled at the courthouse. Jason tells her to just give Sam whatever she wants. Diane reminds him that she’s on retainer to safeguard his best interests, and she fully intends to.

Sam tells Alexis that it’s just about paperwork, but Alexis says she’ll be there to protect Sam’s interests. Curtis pops in, and Sam and Alexis leave for the courthouse. Drew asks what’s up, and Curtis tells him looking into his past is slow going, but he did find something.

Maxie thanks Peter for giving Lulu a spot on the staff. He says she has great instincts and enormous potential. She’s working on exposé, and he hopes it works out. Maxie says she’s definitely a Spencer, and not afraid to take chances. She has great instinct, and if she doesn’t get an earth shaking story this time, she won’t rest until she does.

Lulu says Nathan’s interview will be exclusive to Aurora, but once it’s published, Faison will know Nathan is his son. She wonders about contacting the WSB, but Nathan says Anna has her own conflict with Faison. He’ll talk to Jordan. If she thinks it’s appropriate, she’ll contact the WSB to get an okay to lure Faison out. In perfect soap timing, Dante has returned, and says, what?

Julian polishes the bar. Sonny comes in. He says somebody told him that Julian was the new owner, but he had to see it with his own eyes. Julian says he got Sonny’s present, and shows him the brick. Sonny doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Julian says he threw it through kitchen window. What does Sonny want?

Curtis says that Drew went to high school in Sawyer, New York. It’s a middle class place, with light industry, and the pride of the town is the Sawyer Spartans. He’s brought back Drew’s high school yearbook.

Alexis tells Sam they have the time to go over things, and if she has any doubts, now’s the time. Sam says Alexis is sending her mixed signals. One second, she’s telling Sam to steer clear of Jason, and the next, she’s asking if Sam has doubts. Alexis says, in a perfect world, the past would be past. She just wants Sam to be happy. Sam says that’s why she’s marrying Drew. They all know it; most of all, Jason knows it. She sees Jason standing in the doorway with Diane.

Mac shows up at the Crimson office, asking if Maxie lost her phone. Maxie introduces him to her boss’s boss. Maxie is hoping Mac has mocha latte in the thermos he’s carrying, but it’s green juice that Felicia sent over. He says it’s good for the baby. He tells her, no offense, but she doesn’t look so hot. She says she didn’t sleep well. She’s been stressing since she found out who Nathan’s father is.

Dante can’t believe Lulu is setting a trap for Faison. She says she’s found a stronger angle than interviewing him – interviewing Nathan instead. Doing an exposé on the son of the WSB’s most wanted. Dante says, last night, Nathan couldn’t wrap his head around it, and now he wants to make it public? And drag Dante’s wife into it? Lulu says it was her idea. It’s a major story, but if brings to Faison to justice, even better. She knows there’s a risk, but she’s doing it whether he likes it or not.

Drew looks at the yearbook. Curtis flagged some pages he thought might be relevant. Ha-ha! An old photo of Steve Burton. Curtis says Drew was an all-around leader; athletic, academic, student government. Drew looks at the picture, and says this guy looks like his brother. Curtis tells him that we all regret our hair at that age; he was rocking a flattop. Curtis says he ran track, and Drew says Jason did too. Curtis says twins, even when separated, often have a lot in common.

Diane sees that all the relevant parties are present, and suggests getting started. She tells Alexis it’s nice to be sparring with her again. Alexis agrees, but wishes it was under more pleasant circumstances. Sam thanks Jason, and he says, whatever she needs. There’s a collective sigh from women everywhere.

She wants to begin with the penthouse. Jason says it’s Sam’s home, and he said she could keep it. Sam says it was his before they met, and she and Drew can find another place to live. An agreement is reached for the couple to move within six months, sell the penthouse, and split the proceeds. Jason is good with it, and Sam says it’s better to have a clean break. We flash back to Jason and Sam’s life together; goofing around and celebrating holidays.

Curtis tells Drew that his cousin’s daughters are twins. When they were babies, they communicated in a secret language. Drew says he and Jason are opposites, and are trying to separate and redefine their lives. Sam is out getting a divorce. Alexis is confident that it’s just a formality, and then they can get remarried.

Julian says Sonny still has it out for him. Sonny thinks his time in the big house has made him paranoid. He has no time for petty vandalism. Julian asks what he’s doing there, and Sonny says he needs him to repay a debt. Julian says he doesn’t owe him anything. Sonny says Julian owes him blood, but he’ll settle for cash. He opens his briefcase, and takes out a promotional sign. He tells Julian, congratulations. His bar will proudly be serving Corrinthos Coffee.

Dante realizes Lulu isn’t letting this go. Lulu says it’s too important. Dante asks, for Nathan or her career? and she asks why it can’t be both – everybody wins. Dante tells her he wants in every step pf the way, and Lulu says she wouldn’t have it any other way. He says he doesn’t like it, and thinks it’s a bad idea. Lulu says she still has to run it by Peter. Nathan says sorry; he thought Dante knew. Dante says he did, but didn’t know the details. Lulu has a tendency to leap before she looks, and gets in trouble, but this is Faison. Him being Nathan’s father is the least of their problems. He wonders what Maxie is going to say when she finds out he’s using himself as bait.

Mac asks Maxie if she’s absolutely sure. She explains about Obrecht acting squirrelly about the medical records. They were forced to resort to a DNA test, and then she had to tell the truth. He can’t imagine what they’re going through, and Maxie tells him about her dream. He says it’s just a bad dream; it’s not going to happen. Maxie says he can’t promise that. She says what he can he do is help her and Nathan disappear.

Peter meets Lulu at the MetroCourt, and asks if her ears were burning; he was just singing her praises. She hopes she can live up to his expectations. He asks about her sit down with Faison, and she says she’s got the next best thing; an interview with his son. Peter says he thought there was only one child, and Lulu says he has a son he doesn’t know about. Her husband’s partner, Nathan West.

Nathan says he hasn’t told Maxie about Lulu’s plan, and Dante says look out when head explodes. When Faison finds out who he is, he’s going to go after Maxie and the baby. Nathan says he can’t sit around doing nothing. His family is a mess. He doesn’t want them jumping at shadows. He needs to draw Faison out and confront him. Dante says he has Nathan’s back – always.

Maxie tells Mac that he needs to get in touch with Robert. He can help them go into hiding. She’s not thrilled, but what other choice is there? Mac says there are plenty. She doesn’t want that kind of life. She says it’s not safe with Faison out there. Mac asks if he knows Nathan is his son. Maxie says the only way to make sure two can keep a secret is if one of them is dead. At this point, there are so many in on it, there’s a good chance the truth will come out. It might seem drastic, but she doesn’t feel safe in Port Charles. Mac says that’s where she’s the safest. She has her family, and Anna is there. Sonny has lots of connections. Maxie says Sonny is probably going after Faison himself because of Jason. And if he does, Faison should want to be on other side of the planet.

Sonny tells Julian to consider his coffee needs covered. He said he wanted to be a normal citizen, now’s his chance. Sonny will front him the coffee, but expects payment on time and in full. Julian says he could have just asked; he didn’t have to toss a brick through the window. But since he did, at least have the decency to admit it.

Drew tells Curtis they want the wedding to be about them, and what they’re future is about. They want their friends to be there, and Curtis says count him in. Drew says he’s the one, true friend he’s made, and thanks Curtis for having his back. He starts to stammer, and Curtis says he’ll save him from embarrassing himself. He’ll be his best man.

Diane says Jason isn’t contesting the ELQ redistribution, and says blah-blah-blah about the stocks. She starts to talk about Drew and Sam paying for ownership in the media company, but Jason says he doesn’t want them paying anything. Alexis says Sam can’t accept it as a gift; it will subject them to undue scrutiny. Sam says they want to own it through their own work, not his generosity. Diane suggests waiving the interest, and everyone agrees. She says in regard to his offshore holdings, Jason and Sam have basically been living off of him for the past two years. Drew had no income stream, and Sam’s detective agency is defunct. Sam says she gets it. Everything they have has come from Jason, but there’s no way they can repay him. Jason says, enough, signs all of the papers, and says, it’s done. Sam flashes back to them kissing and getting busy, while there’s a song part. We see him asking to marry her, their wedding, and together on the motorcycle. They give each other a soap opera look.

Mac tells Maxie that Robert is bringing Frisco into the loop. She asks if she should build a panic room. He tells her not to get stressed, but she says a power hungry deranged lunatic has no idea Nathan is his son. And if they’re lucky, he’ll never find out.

Lulu tells Nathan that she just pitched the story to Peter, and got the green light. Aurora is going to publish the interview. She asks if he has any second thoughts, but he says it has to happen, and suggests they start now. Sonny comes into the station. He says somebody threw a brick though Julian’s window, and asks if they have any idea what it’s about.

Julian opens the coffee delivery, and looks at the invoice.

Drew tells Curtis that he’ll give him the details as soon as he has it figured out. Curtis says he’s not getting out without a good bachelor party. He asks if Drew has been to Atlantic City. Drew says if he has, he doesn’t remember. Curtis tells him that if he does his job right, that will remain his answer. Curtis gets a call. He says he’s guessing that Drew doesn’t need to look in the past for answers when the future is lined up.

Jason says money never mattered; he just wants Sam to be okay. She says she knows. He gives her the papers. She starts to sign them, but Alexis says she advises her not to sign yet. It would be remiss of her not to talk about an important issue – the custody of Danny.

Tomorrow, Peter gives Nina the new Crimson budget, Julian meets Kim, and Sam fires someone.

Juliet&HerBabies  And Today’s Happy 11th Birthday Goes to…

Juliet'sBabies-FavePic (2)

Juliet’s Babies

From Top: Felicia, Trinket, Marco, Ralph, Drum with Mommy Juliet & Donovan guarding his flamingo.

Casey-December14-2013 (2)

Daddy Casey who, like many fathers, thinks playmates just dropped in out of the sky.

January 9, 2017 – Who is GH’s Lady Boss, Vanderpump Slides into Summer House, Random Atlanta Thoughts & My Dogs’ Birthday

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Kiki and Dillon are back in Port Charles, having never made it to LA. Dillon wants to celebrate the way they did New Year’s Eve, whatever that means, but Kiki wants to brush her teeth for an hour. It seems they were stuck in Detroit for quite a while, and had problems getting back.

Scotty meets with Franco at the dive bar. He says Franco has a good motive for killing Tom, and Franco thanks him for his support. Franco asks when the print test is coming back from the knife. Scotty wonders if Franco’s prints will be on it.

Laura tells Elizabeth that she had a great time skating with the kids. Doc twisted his ankle while showing off though. She says the boys were amused, but also couldn’t stop taking about Franco.

Franco tells Scotty that Tom could have taken the knife, but even if his own prints are on it, it doesn’t make him guilty.

Jason asks Buzz what the name of Winston’s boss is. He doesn’t know, and didn’t get a good look at her, but remembers her voice. She told Winston to kill the homeless loser who planted the bomb.

Omg, could it be Helena??? I’ve never believed for a moment that she’s really dead. I don’t think Nicholas is really dead either. We haven’t seen the boss’s face yet, but she’s dressed in a kimono, wearing a lot of jewelry, and those don’t look like young hands. Winston tells the boss that Jason has found the homeless man.

Alexis can’t find her vodka and freaks. Julian shows her the empty bottles. He says he emptied everything out, including what she had hidden in the laundry room. She tells him he had no right to do that, but he says he’s trying to stop her from killing herself or someone else.

Kiki tells Dillon that Franco isn’t home. She thinks a bath in disinfectant followed by a bleach shower would be great, and then lots of food. They talk about what happened on the bus, and Dillon asks if the kiss changed anything.

Buzz wants to jet, and asks “Father Curtis” for a special blessing. Curtis asks about the woman’s voice, and Jason asks him to repeat what he told them. Buzz says that he realized Winston had lied, and that he didn’t plant a GPS, but a bomb that killed an innocent kid – Sonny’s kid. He realized his life was over, and went to the pawn shop to confront Winston. Curtis wonders how he got in and out with no notice, when it’s under surveillance 24/7.

Julian tells Alexis he loves her too much to allow her to ruin her life. He says she’s going to drink herself to death or have another accident, and asks how she’d feel if she killed an innocent stranger. She flashes back to struggling with Tom in the alleyway. Julian asks what’s wrong.

Scotty tells Franco that the police are going to build a case and arrest him, and what they need is an alibi. Franco is annoyed that Scotty isn’t believing him, but Scotty says it’s like the chicken or the egg, and wants to know what Franco was doing that night.

Elizabeth tells Laura that she heard about Charlotte being her granddaughter. Laura says as far as Lulu is concerned, the custody hearing can’t happen fast enough. Elizabeth says if she needs any help, to let her know. Laura says the boys seem convinced that Franco is going to be a big part of their lives, but she’s not getting the same vibe from Elizabeth.

Alexis tells Julian that she’s not staying while he stages a one-man intervention. Julian tells her she’s making a mistake.

Winston promises the boss that he’ll find Buzz, and says that if Buzz was going to the police, he would have done it already. He tells her that he has more bad news.

Buzz tells Jason and Curtis that he can’t reveal anything, but Curtis promises they won’t rat him out. Buzz tells them there’s a network of catacombs under Port Charles, and that’s how he gets in and out of the pawn shop without anyone seeing. He says Winston and the boss have a secret office in the tunnels.

Alexis asks if Julian is going to hold a knife to her throat to stop her. She says he’ll have to catch her first, and she’s pretty sure she can outrun a guy with a cane. He says she’s why he’s using the cane in the first place. D’oh! He asks her to just go twelve hours without a drink. She calls an Uber.

Elizabeth asks if Laura judges her, but Laura says that everyone is capable of doing good or harm, and good people can make wrong choices. She says everyone deserves a second chance, even Franco. Elizabeth says she doesn’t know the whole story.

Franco tells Scotty he was locked in a metal dog crate. Immediately Scotty thinks he and Elizabeth were getting freaky, but Franco explains that Tom put him there. Franco says it makes sense, since he put Tom in first. Now Scotty is going to think it’s even more freaky. Ha-ha!

Dillon tells Kiki if it was just a New Year’s Eve kiss, that’s cool. Kiki tells him that when he was sleeping, she started to think about her life. She’ll always feel guilty for Morgan’s death, but she can focus on it or turn it into something useful. She could volunteer at the hospital or go back to school and help people with mental issues. Dillon says Morgan would like that. Kiki still wants to shower, and says Dillon could order food while she’s in there. He suggests they shower together to save water, but that’s a no.

Winston tells the boss lady that Jason and Sam have become suspicious. The boss spills hot tea on him. Purposely.

Jason offers to set Buzz up out of town. Curtis says he has a friend in Baltimore and will let him know Buzz is coming, and Jason gives him some money to get there. Buzz tells them to watch their step; these people aren’t messing around. He leaves, and Jason asks Sam what she found out. She says Julian lied, telling her that he just buys stuff from Winston, but she could tell he’s scared. She also believes he has nothing to do with the car bomb.

Alexis tells Julian that he isn’t the worst part of her day. He tells her that she’s become dependent on alcohol or she’d take his challenge. He asks her to do it for her children and herself, for the career she wants back and her self-respect. She says he took her self-respect from her. He agrees, and says if she’s broken, he understands it’s his fault and that her only comfort is in a bottle. He says he owes it to her to save her life. She says save her or kill her, pick one. He says she has a lot to process right now, and she tells him not to patronize her. He says he’s not, but understands wanting to block the rest of the world out. Alexis flashes back to Tom again. She struggles with him and he throws her down. He tells her if she does it again, she’s dead, and pulls out the knife. In the present, Alexis goes to the door, and Julian says if she leaves he’s staging a real intervention.

Elizabeth tells Laura about Tom’s parole and how the police suspect Franco of his murder.

Scotty tells Franco it’s false imprisonment. Franco says he was just keeping Tom until after his parole meeting. Scotty says that’s OCD thinking, and Franco says he came to his senses, but then Tom turned the tables on him. Scotty says he believes him, but his alibi could put him in prison. Franco says his only hope is finding the real killer. He tells Scotty what the bartender told him. Scotty wonders if he greases the bartender more, if he’d talk more. Scotty says he has bupkis, but Franco says he also ran into Alexis at the bar.

Sam tells Jason and Curtis that Julian seemed genuinely scared of Winston, and she thinks he’s afraid for them. She thinks Julian was the target, and Winston was responsible for Morgan’s death. They wonder who the boss is.

Winston is like it’s all good, and tells lady boss that he’ll take care of Jason.

Alexis dismisses the Uber and goes back in. She tells Julian that her friends and family would never listen to him. He asks why she didn’t leave then. She says Sam is pregnant and it would stress her out, but Julian says it’s more stressful to have a drunk as a mother. He tells her that it’s only a matter of time before they find out. He says she’s lost her license and isolated herself; how long before she has nobody? Alexis says he should know. Julian wishes she could be the independent woman he fell in love with. He says she’s so desperate, she can’t help herself, much less anyone else. She says he wants her to be drunk so he can keep control. He tells her that she’s not just losing the people she knows, but the entire world; all the people she’s helped or would be able to help will be deprived of their champion.

Franco tells Scotty that Alexis made up an excuse for being at the bar, but she was beyond nervous. Scotty says she’s been off since Julian’s trial, and they need to find out who the woman was who Tom was drinking with. Franco asks to borrow Scotty’s tablet, and they have an amusing conversation about Facebook. Scotty gets an alert that the fingerprint analysis is back.

Jason asks if Julian mentioned who Winston might be working for, but Sam says no, and reiterates that he seemed scared. Curtis and Jason decide to go to the pawn shop via the tunnels. Sam Is hesitant, but Jason says that now she and the kids are in danger, and Curtis says if they’re smart, they won’t be risking their lives.

Kiki and Dillon chow down on Italian, Mexican and Chinese food. They kiss. Geez, I didn’t even get a warning.

Elizabeth tells Laura that maybe she’s being naïve, but she believes Franco. Even if he didn’t kill Tom though, he carried out his own brand of justice. She says he fixed it, but Tom turned up dead. Laura asks if she can live with what Franco did do. Elizabeth says she can, but he’s pulled away. Until the real murderer is found, he wants to keep his distance. Her heart wants to stay by his side, but her head says that’s crazy. Laura says they’re all flawed people and only she can decide if the good in Franco outweighs the bad.

There are no fingerprints on the knife. Franco says that doesn’t exactly clear him, but seems more upset that Scotty hasn’t friended him. Franco suggests he look for the hashtag of the roadhouse, thinking there might be photos that include Tom and the mystery woman.

Julian has gotten a load of DVDs and food to distract Alexis. He hands her a knife, and she flashes back again. She tells Tom that he isn’t the first guy who’s held a knife to her throat, and gets the knife from him, saying he messed with the wrong person. Back at the house, Alexis freaks out, saying she needs a drink. Julian asks what’s wrong, and she wails about what she’s done.

Curtis and Jason lurk around the tunnels and open a door.

There’s a knock at Kiki’s door, and she thinks it must be dessert. Instead, it’s Elizabeth looking for Franco. Kiki says she just got in, but he’s not there. She says she’ll tell Franco that Elizabeth came by, but Elizabeth wants to surprise him. When she’s gone, Dillon tells Kiki that it’s the same dance they’ve been doing for months, and it’s the fear of jumping into a relationship. He says they should wait for what happens next; no pressure.

Scotty can’t find any pictures from December 21st. He thinks they should wait and find another server who might know something. Franco sees a picture where Tom and Alexis are sitting together at a booth in the background.

Alexis tells Julian that she was outside of the roadhouse. She was drunk and did something. She killed someone.

Tomorrow, Diane asks Sonny what he knows, a fire starts in the tunnels, and Alexis confesses to Julian.

Vanderpump Rules

Oh, I get it. The reason there’s a two-hour show on tonight is because they’re introducing Stassi’s new one, Summer House. It looks like they’ll probably slide into it the way they did with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills slipping into Vanderpump Rules with the latter’s first episode.

Stassi is amazed that she’s not hung over and feeling “chipper.” Who uses that word? Maybe Kathy Gifford. Stassi and Katie discuss the night before. In her interview, Stassi says she’s not ready for another relationship, but wouldn’t mind a guy to distract her from the breakup with Patrick, who she was with for two years. They talk about how to approach a new guy.

Meanwhile, at Sonoma Raceway, the RV is starting to smell on day two. Ariana says they’re barely clinging to their humanity. Geez, two days out of LA and it’s Lord of the Flies. Brittany tells Jax that he’s making her insane. How this is different from their everyday life, I’m not sure. In his interview, Schwartz says that Jax and Brittany need a time out. He tries to take pix of Jax while he’s in the shower. Tom suggests that Jax might want to stop picking on Brittany before he finds himself single again.

In her interview, Kristen says she’s heard that Montauk is WASP-y, and since wasps suck, she hopes Montauk doesn’t suck. She’s not joking either. Is LA this out of touch with the rest of the world, or is she really this stupid? Stassi has to look up clambake, so they understand the difference between that and a luau. I repeat my previous question. Scheana asks what if they don’t like clams, and is told to take one for the team.

Ariana’s group is ready for the NASCAR race, and Tom gets some autographs. The only racing guy I know is Jeff Gordon, but I don’t think he even races anymore. Schwartz takes a poll as to which of the girls are willing to flash their boobs, and Jax points out for the billionth time that he paid for Brittany’s. Ariana suggests she find a new boyfriend. That’s got my vote.

Stassi and Katie lounge on the porch, and Stassi says they look like an old married couple. Katie has gotten some texts from Lisa and gives her a call. Lisa gives Katie a list of things that they need to work on, but tells her they can meet when Katie gets back. Katie is a little annoyed that Lisa didn’t wish her a happy birthday. Well, Lisa is at work.

Tom and Ariana kiss on the Ferris Wheel, while Jax harasses them. Ariana says it’s the best trip ever, and too bad for Lala who couldn’t be bothered to make it.

The clambake happens, but it’s not like the one in Oklahoma! There are linens on the table, everyone is dressed like they’re going not to the beach, and they’re sipping white wine. Stassi is glad for the well-dressed, attractive men who aren’t like the ones she met at the bar last night. Scheana informs everyone that she doesn’t really eat fish, but it doesn’t matter because someone just brought out a magnum of rosé. Everyone wonders how to eat a lobster. Some guy takes a selfie with a lobster. In her interview, Scheana says she’s not eating anything with claws because a cat has claws, and she wouldn’t eat a cat. Sigh…  Stassi is embarrassed about Scheana’s whining. I’m embarrassed about Scheana period.

Ariana and company watch the race. They have VIP tickets, so the view is pretty good. I’d call it a bird’s-eye view, but that sounds like the one I had at the Elton John concert in 1970whatever, when I had to sit in mountain goat territory. Tom calls to get the toilet tank flushed out and the guys sing a song about saving poop, making me eternally glad that I don’t know these people. Schwartz thinks it’s Jax’s fault for his excessive use of toilet paper. In her interview, Brittany says Jax needs to grow up and respect her. Good luck with that. And for those who don’t know this, when I say that, what I really mean is, all the luck in the world won’t save you.

Small talk is made at the clambake. Somebody gets nosy, asking Stassi about her breakup, but she really doesn’t want to cry. In her interview, she says it’s extra hard because her family and friends like Patrick, and she usually dates a-holes. Katie thinks Stassi needs some tough love, even if it’s just going to second base. Stassi thinks they should have perhaps gotten real careers. One of the guys makes fun of her for being on a dating app, although I’m not sure why. Isn’t that how people date now? They toast to being in Montauk.

If I have to see Jax’s butt crack one more time, I’m going to go out of my mind. The group goes out to eat, and I am loving Ariana’s earrings. They’re huge crescents with leaf-shaped rhinestones in various shades of green attached to them. Tom calls Jax an a-hole, and asks Brittany how she feels about him ordering her around, but he says he supports her lifestyle and no one can tell him how to deal with his relationship. Tom tells him gifts aren’t leverage. Jax thinks he’d love being in Brittany’s place. I guess he must like being embarrassed. Brittany is feeling stupid, but Tom tells her nothing Jax says is making her look bad. In his interview, Jax says when he started dating Brittany, he loved that she wasn’t from LA, but she seems to be adapting and he doesn’t like it. Hmm… By that, I assume he means she has independent thoughts. To be honest, I get what he’s saying about supporting her. When one person is paying all the bills, the other one needs to pinch in the other departments like cleaning and cooking, but it’s his delivery that’s obnoxious, and it doesn’t mean you can demand whatever whenever. He might need to learn the hard way that his POV is not acceptable.

Ariana tells everyone that Lala isn’t following her on social media anymore, and wonders why she’s being iced out. She says she can be a bitch too and unfollows Lala. Oh. Horrors. Schwartz says a line has been drawn in the sand. Not one episode of this show goes by without me thinking about how much more mature my friends and I were at this age. Is technology the problem? All of the above?

In her interview, Lala talks about herself in the third person, and says she was in shut-down mode. Harrison! Lisa tells Lala she can do what she wants with her time off, but she doesn’t get why Lala didn’t show up for Ariana’s birthday. Lala makes noises about Jax being irritating, although she knew that before. Lisa reads my mind and wonders why Lala said she’d go in the first place. Lala starts to cry, telling Lisa that everyone is saying she’s a homewrecker. In her interview, Lisa says she doesn’t know if it’s true – she hopes not – but Lala should have more respect for herself. Lala says she makes stuff up about her boyfriend to get them off her back and give them something to talk about. One day she’s dating the pope and the next, a baseball player. She thinks of it as an acting exercise. Lisa explains that when someone is caught in a lie, no one knows how much to invest in them. In her interview, Lisa says Lala likes to create a situation, but then act like a baby girl, and life doesn’t work like that. Lala says she thinks it might be best for her to walk away from “this workplace.” Because actually telling the truth and dealing with real life is too hard.

Lisa asks what’s wrong with her, and thinks she should grow up and deal with it. Thank you, Lisa the Amazing Kreskin of Beverly Hills. She asks if Lala thinks everyone is going to be her friend if she ends up being successful in films. Lala admits that she’s in charge of her own emotions. Lisa tells Lala that if she quits, she’s going to give a lot of people satisfaction. Lala wishes they’d had this conversation a while ago, and Lisa thinks Lala should have had this conversation with her mother long ago. In her interview, Lala says that Lisa makes sense and decides not to quit yet.

Stassi’s name has to be explained to empty-headed, but good-looking Kyle. The girls visit the twins’ rental house. They claim it’s like going to Lisa’s, but hardly. It’s big, but could probably fit in Lisa’s bathroom. Everyone gets a drink and the twins (Ashley and Lauren) show them around. In her interview, Kristen says maybe she’s in the wrong business. Maybe she should be in…business. I’m not kidding. She really said that. Kyle drinks directly from the blender, and tells Carl that he likes Stassi.

Ariana and Brittany rehash Jax’s remarks. Ariana has to explain what misogynistic means to Brittany. The absolute definition is Jax. The guys build a fire outside, and Ariana asks Brittany what she’s going to do if Jax doesn’t change.

Commercial break. Giggy! RHOBH looks really good this week. Game night, including Kim Richards. Duck, run, and then look through your fingers like it’s a horror film.

It’s time to get in the pool in Montauk. Along with more drinking. Ashley lets Stassi know that Kyle is interested in her.

In Sonoma, Jax asks Brittany if she’s having fun. She tells him that she is, other than his ‘tude, which she doesn’t appreciate, but he thinks she’s exaggerating. In his interview, he says he pays for everything, so it would be nice to have lunch ready sometimes. Brittany tells him that she’s tired of him holding her boob job over her head, and says she does a lot for him too. She says she appreciates what he does for her, but that doesn’t mean he can just do or say whatever he wants. He says he’ll try harder, but the occasional turkey sandwich would be nice.

Kyle is pretty sh*tfaced, and tells Stassi he appreciates her New York fashion. She’s wearing a white bathing suit that has a turtleneck type collar, and her hair in an Audrey Hepburn updo. Katie says Stassi should ask herself what would Lala do? More drinks happen in the kitchen. Tequila Katie arrives (i.e. Katie’s other personality when she drinks too much). Scheana worries that Schwartz isn’t there to put Tequila Katie in her place. Whatever that means. Lots of confusing statements today.

Kyle and Stassi are still in the pool. He tells her that she’s “well put together.” He asks if she’s single, and she says for about a week. He suggests they embrace it. We flash back to how very much liquor this dude has put away. He asks Stassi what her name is again. He says something about her being female and hot, but a turtleneck and Steve Jobs are involved. I have no idea where this conversation is going. Stassi wants to give him lessons on how to make a girl feel special, one of which is not telling them they’re like Steve Jobs in a turtleneck. He says something about her nipple and it all goes south quickly.

Everyone gets back in the pool, and there are too many people to keep track of. Stassi tells the girls that she’s never been more turned off by anyone in her life. Kyle shoves chips in his mouth. The twins say he’s a good guy, but an idiot when he’s drunk. Stassi says he made her want to call her ex. Well, that certainly backfired. Kyle jumps into the pool.

Everyone goes back inside, and Kristen tries to find out what the blip Kyle said to Stassi. One of the other guys explains that when Kyle drinks, he does slow moves and a lot of pointing, like a Ken doll doing tai chi under water. Kyle apologizes to Stassi, and she basically calls him a douche. She suggests he remember a girl’s name if he wants to get lucky. She asks him what her name is, and he can’t come up with it. The SUR girls go back to their own place. Kyle says even though he struck out, he’s learned that after 12 glasses of rosé, he should probably STFU. No argument from me. He eats watermelon alone in the kitchen.

Omg! Omg! An infinity pool! I want to swim in one so badly. The next day, everyone wakes up with a hangover, and some of them have to drive home because they have “real” jobs. As opposed to Steve Jobs. We seem to have swung into the next show.

Blah-blah-blah, NYC, hot and smelly in the summer.

Obviously, my jury is still out on Summer House, but I have the feeling that my opinion is going to be, meh, and a waste of time. I already think Kyle is a total d-bag and when Stassi is the best thing about a show, that’s just sad. I’ll be watching, but not so sure I’ll be recapping.

Okay, after watching almost the entire first episode, the whole thing is just sad. And no permanent Stassi. Just the twins, that moron Kyle, and whoever else the other interchangeable people are. Unless some Vanderpump fixtures join the cast, this is going to be a if-there’s-nothing-better-on show.

🌃 The good news is, Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce begins it’s new season on Wednesday, January 11, at 10 pm. This is also the birthday of six of my dogs, who will be ten this year!

Juliet&HerBabies

👠 Just some thoughts on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I feel sad that Kenya’s relationship with Matt ultimately didn’t work out, but better to find out what he’s like now. Phaedra, wtf, talking so much smack about Kandi? And here comes Porsha to add her own definition of things by telling Kandi she’s becoming “unleashed” about it. Um…I think the word is unhinged. Alhtough I’m not sure why I always expect more from someone who thought the Underground Railroad was a real railroad.

Sheree continues to tease Bob, meeting him for some kind of extreme workout that neither one of them could seem to accomplish. Cynthia graciously went to an event of Peter’s, and he described her as looking like “an ice cream cone,” driving him crazy with her va-va-voom. As much as I can’t stand Peter, I had to agree with him. She looked like she’d been poured into a gorgeous white dress, and totally delicious! Unfortunately, Kenya was also attending, and Matt ambushed her, punching her driver and then taking off. Not cool. Next week, it doesn’t look much better, with Matt busting out some windows in Kenya’s new home. Looks like it’s restraining order time. In her interview, Kenya cried, saying what a shame it was when Matt had such potential. My heart broke for her. I like Kenya and I have every confidence that she’ll eventually find the right guy. But in the meantime, there’s those frogs to deal with.

And why do they advertise next week’s new episode when we’re not done with this week’s episode yet?