What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Maxie asks if the opening number is ready. Is everyone seated? She asks Bobbie to make sure everyone’s together for the opening number, when Nina walks backstage and looks askance at the llama. It occurs to me that we have no idea what the llama does, much like Sonny and Victor. Nina tells everyone that they look great, and Maxie says, when it’s all over, she’ll think it was worth it. Nina says, and now? and Brook says, the llama is one of their more professional artists. We see the llama eating from the snack table, and Maxie says she’s sorry, but they really have things to do. Nina tells her, save the drama for your llama. She just came back to say good… Brook makes a silence motion… break a leg. Nina leaves, and Maxie asks if Brook is just going to stand there or help her.

Linc walks into the dressing room, and Blaze asks if he doesn’t knock. He asks, what’s the fun of that? and she says she has to get changed. He tells her not to let him stop her.

Watkins tells Victor that the car picked Lucy up at Marigold and Chestnut. They’re checking the houses nearby. Victor says, discreetly? and Watkins says, of course (🍷). Victor says, where Lucy is, there Anna and Valentin shall be, along with what’s left of the Ice Princess, and the key to saving the world.

Lucy squeals as she picks up the remote, and Anna and Valentin run in. Anna asks if she’s okay, and Lucy says, the Ball… is about to begin.

Bobbie and Maxie come out and introduce themselves. They tell the audience, welcome to the Nurses Ball, and there’s more applause than there are people. Bobbie thanks them for coming out to support HIV/AIDS research and patient services, so they may soon eradicate this virus and disease for good. Maxie says, this year, they’ve turned things up a notch in order to celebrate the 60^th anniversary of General Hospital. Bobbie says, anything can happen at the Nurses Ball… and Maxie says, and usually does. Tonight is full of surprises. So let’s get on with the show. The nurses come out to do the opening number, TJ, Amy, and Deanna singing lead, with the rest of the nurses as the back-up dancers they really are.

Sonny asks where Gladys got her bracelet, and Sasha says, it’s on loan. Deception used it in a photo shoot, and she made arrangements for Gladys to wear it tonight. Gladys says, it even comes with its own bodyguard, and nods to a serious looking guy. She tells Sasha, with the dress and bracelet, Sasha has really made her first Nurses Ball special. Sasha says she’s really grateful to everyone who helped her when she was struggling, and no one’s helped her more than Gladys. Sonny asks if Sasha isn’t struggling anymore, but Sasha says, she has her days, but she’s ready to get back out into the world and live life again. Sonny says he guesses that means the court will revoke Gladys’s guardianship. Sasha will be standing on her own two feet in no time.

Cody wonders, who pays for all this? and Sam says, the vendors donate all the products and services, and the money that’s raised goes to a charity that supports HIV and AIDS research. She’s really impressed Cody agreed to perform. Cody says, every once in a while, he does the right thing, and looks over at Gladys.

Chase tells Elizabeth that she looks absolutely stunning, and she thanks him, and says he looks good himself. She can’t wait for the big duet. She thanks Finn for walking the red carpet with her, and he says he’s just glad he could be there. She tells him to enjoy the Ball.

Finn and Chase go over to the bar and order drinks, and Finn tells Chase, don’t. Chase says, but… and Finn makes a zipping motion across his lips, and says, don’t.

Brook knocks at Blaze’s dressing room door, and Blaze says, come in. Brook sees Linc leaning against the makeup table, and he asks, how’s his favorite former songbird? Isn’t this the room where that psycho slashed her? Brook says, yeah. It fills her with nostalgia. Where’s Blaze? Blaze comes out, and Linc says, just look at her. Isn’t she just… Brook says, get out, and he says, Blaze needed help with her zipper. Brook says, not from him. She’ll help Blaze with whatever she needs. Linc says he’s her manager, but Brook says, right now he’s leaving. Go. He leaves, and Brook asks what the hell he’s doing in here… Did Linc try something?… Is she okay?

Lucy, Valentin, and Anna sit on the sofa, and Lucy says she’s just so proud of everybody. It’s breaking her heart she can’t be there. Valentin says he’s devastated. If only their lives didn’t depend on staying away from the Nurses Ball. Lucy says she knows. He’s made that very clear. So if they’ll excuse her, she’s just going to finish the Ball in the bedroom. She leaves, and Valentin says he’s sorry. He knows this is difficult for Anna too. Anna says, being there makes her feel close to Robin, but she understands it jeopardizes everyone’s safety. She wonders if Victor just left town, but Valentin says, he wants to get his hands on the Ice Princess necklace, and he’s not going to give up until he finds it.

Watkins says, they checked all the houses in a three-block radius. No sign of them. Victor says, of course (🍷) Lucy Coe is savvy enough not to be caught right outside the house she, Valentin, and Anna are hiding out in, along with his necklace. Widen the search; again, discreetly. Watkins says, of course (🍷), and Victor says, when he finds the house, no one is to approach without his direct order.

Nina says she couldn’t help notice Curtis’s little traffic jam, with him, Portia, and Jordan. How’s he doing? He says, she looks stunning, and she says, way to get off the subject. As does he. He suggests they make a deal. Neither one of them will ask the other how they’re doing. Just sit back and enjoy the festivities. She says, deal.

Mac says, Felicia was always the prettiest girl at the party, and at another table, Austin gets up. Ava asks what he’s doing, and he says he thought Mac should see them. She pulls him back down, and says, they just want to give the cops an opportunity to notice them. He asks how they do that, and she says, very easy. They act like they’re having fun. He says, ha-ha-ha-ha! Like that? and she says, perfect.

Trina orders a club soda at the bar, when Spencer approaches her. He stares at her, and she tells him, stop it. He says, stop what? and she says, looking at her like she’s… He says, beautiful? He’s sorry; he can’t help it. He’s still kicking himself for letting Sydney Val Jean tell her how beautiful she looked before he could. She says, he got there eventually, and he says, the only reason he hesitated was because he was speechless. He should have offered to escort her, so he could have arrived with her on his arm. She says, as an accessory? but he says, she’s no one’s accessory. He thought she might want to arrive with him because… just because. She wonders why he didn’t, and he says, she told Sydney Val Jean that they were just friends. Trina reminds him that he said the same thing. They were on live TV with a microphone in their face. What were they going to say? He asks if she meant it, and she says, did he? Sonny joins them, and says, Trina looks amazing. She thanks him, and says he looks very stylish himself. He asks if she’d mind if he has a second with his nephew, and Spencer says, actually, they were just… Trina says, getting a drink, but hers just came, so she’ll let them talk. She leaves, and Sonny wonders if he can ask Spencer a question. He needs Spencer to answer honestly. Spencer says, all right, and Sonny says, where’s Victor?

Gladys is walking with the bodyguard, when Cody calls to her. She asks what he wants, and he asks where she’s going. She says, like it’s any of his business. She’s headed to the ladies room. He asks if she’s sure she’s not headed to a pawn shop to see how much she could get for that bracelet, and she says, this bracelet is on loan from the jeweler’s; it’s not hers. He says, Brando’s garage wasn’t hers either, and she sold that.

Spencer says he thought Victor would be in attendance tonight, but he hasn’t seen him, and Sonny asks, when was the last time he talked to Victor? Spencer says, a few hours ago, and Sonny asks, where? Spencer says, what’s going on? and Sonny asks if Victor told Spencer that he checked out of the MetroCourt. Spencer says, no, and Sonny asks if Victor said anything about leaving town. Spencer says, not a word.

Valentin walks in with a toy piano, and Anna asks what he’s got. He says, a piano. He found it in the attic, and tidied it up a bit. It might have been Morgan’s or Michael’s. She says, a very baby grand, and asks what he intends to do with it. He says, they can’t be at the Nurses Ball this year, but they can have their own. She asks if he’s going to sing for her, and he says, from the tiny piano on the floor to her, the one he adores. He plays the tiny piano as he sings, although I suspect there’s some musical help in the background. They imagine themselves all dressed up, and dancing in a room filled with candelabras and fancy floor lamps. They kiss at the end.

Josslyn goes over to Dex at the bar, and he says, she looks amazing. She thanks him, and he says, they shouldn’t be seen together. She says, they’re not together; they’re just two people waiting for the bartender. He says, it could be a while, and they surreptitiously touch hands. She says, she’ll have to talk to management, and he puts his hand on hers.

Jordan says, here’s to TJ; he was great up there. Molly says, cheers to that, and they clink glasses. Jordan asks if TJ is on call, and he says, no; why? She says, that’s not his usual beverage… or Molly’s, and he says he and Molly are obtaining from alcohol. Jordan says, any particular reason? and he puts his arm around Molly, saying, they’re going to try and get pregnant. Jordan asks if they’re giving her a grandchild, taking Molly’s hands, and Molly says, that’s the plan.

Sasha is looking around, and Sam asks if she lost something. Sasha says, her mother-in-law.

Gladys says, first of all, jackass, how she handles her business is none of his, so stay out of it, and Cody says he’ll stay out of it if she tells Sasha the truth. She says, and if she doesn’t? and he says he’ll tell Sasha that she can’t stay away from the poker tables, and she’s using Sasha’s assets to settle her debts.

Chase approaches Finn, who’s wearing earbuds, and asks, what exactly happened between him and Elizabeth at Cameron’s goodbye party? He asks why Finn is ignoring him, and turns Finn around. Finn asks, what’s going on with Chase? and Chase asks, what’s going on with Finn? Finn says, wait, and takes out the earbuds, and Chase says, earplugs? Really? Finn says he’s listening to a message from Violet. Why is Chase sneaking up on him? Chase says he wants to get in Finn’s business. Finn asks if he didn’t tell Chase not to, and Chase says, he and Elizabeth seemed pretty… you know. Finn puts his earbuds back in, and says, go ahead. Chase says, good talk, and leaves. Elizabeth and Finn smile at each other.

Blaze says she’ll be fine, and Brook asks if she’s sure. Blaze says she’s handling this, but Brook says she can help. Let her accompany Blaze to any and all meetings with Linc, especially the ones not public. Blaze says she appreciates that, but Linc is her manager; how would that work? Brook says, Blaze and Chase are collaborating, and she’s Chase’s manager. She has a legit interest. Blaze says, that’s a stretch, but Brook says, it’s better than going it alone. What does she say? Blaze says she’ll think about it, when Chase knocks at the door. Blaze nods to Brook, who opens it, and he asks if everything is okay. Blaze says, fine. She tells them that she has to make a call and leaves. Chase says, she was obviously upset, but Brook says, Blaze will be fine; just leave her alone. He asks if she wants Blaze to live her life the way she does; everyone for themselves.

On the phone, Victor asks if someone has gained access to the backstage area… Then he takes it, it’s done… Good. Oh my God, he’s not kidnapping the llama, is he? He says, now it’s just a matter of time, and Watkins asks if he sent Ambrose to the MetroCourt, but Victor says, he’s on a special errand. When Victor leaves Port Charles, he’s taking someone with him.

Maxie introduces Elizabeth, who says, many of you know, a few days ago, we lost a beloved member of our GH family, Nurse Epiphany Johnson. The curtains open and there’s a giant photo of Epiphany, and Elizabeth says, Epiphany did everything with her heart and soul. She was most passionate nursing, healing people, saving them when she could. She also had a gift for music; a gift she shared with them through her many spectacular performances right here at the Nurses Ball. So tonight, we dedicate this Ball to our friend. Epiphany, we love you, we miss you, you will never be forgotten. Everyone is all somber.

Dante says, that was a nice tribute to Epiphany, and Sonny says, losing Epiphany was a blow. She could put anybody in their place; him, Jason, even Carly. He’s going to miss her. Dante says, Sonny’s going through a lot right now, and losing a friend on top of it… Sonny says, don’t worry about him; he’s good. Dante tells Sonny that he’s said it before, and he’ll say it again. He’s Sonny’s son, and he’s here for him. They hug.

Backstage, Maxie tells a man that they need to be extra careful about people walking off with their body mics. Tackle them if he has to. Amy gives Maxie some water, and says, Maxie is doing a wonderful job with… Maxie says, wait a minute. There were three chainsaws there a few minutes ago. Now there are only two. She hears the buzz of a chainsaw, says, oh no, and runs off. Amy asks the llama if he heard that.

Anna thanks Valentin, and he says he’s written several songs for her. He can’t believe he got to sing her one. She asks how he makes earnest appreciation seem sexy, and he says, considering who he’s appreciating, he thinks the question answers itself. Her phone dings, and she says, it’s Sonny. He said, Spencer saw Victor at the MetroCourt, and he checked out. Lucy says, knock, knock, and asks if it’s safe, and Anna tells her to come in. Lucy says she wasn’t overhearing on purpose, but Valentin’s song was beautiful. She didn’t want her extreme need for snacks to ruin an intimate moment. They thank her, and Anna asks if Maxie is following Lucy’s micromanaging. Lucy says, so far, so good, but they should have seen the chaos this morning. It was madness. An army is only as good as its general. Anna asks, what chaos? and Valentin asks how she would know what was happening at the MetroCourt. Lucy says, maybe she did a little bit more than just text Maxie.

Brook tells Chase that she’s not an everyone for themselves kind of person. She doesn’t want to be alone, but sometimes life just works out that way, obviously. He says he’s sorry, and she says she is too. She’s sorry she ever signed that NDA with Linc to get her songs back. She knew it was selfish, but she did it anyway. The worst part is that she let down all the women who’ll have to deal with Linc, but she let down Chase too. That’s what hurts her the most. He says, what hurts him the most is that she let herself down. Blaze comes back, and thanks him for waiting. She thinks they should run through their steps one more time, and he says, sure. Brook says, let her know if they need anything before they go on, and leaves.

Spencer says he’s sorry he and Trina got interrupted before. He was going to bring up their kiss. He takes it that’s something they’re both in favor of doing again, and she says, yes. He says, that’s great; great choice. She laughs, and he says, so for clarity’s sake, that would mean that they… that she is… that they’re together. She says, yes, together, and they move closer, when Josslyn calls to Trina. Spencer says, she has the worst timing, and she says, they have to get backstage. They’re almost up. Spencer says, to be continued, Trina says, definitely, and leaves with Josslyn.

Bobbie says she’s proud to introduce the next act. She’s known one of the performers since the day she was born, but they’re both in every way exceptional. She presents Trina Robinson, and her very own granddaughter, Josslyn Jax. Trina and Josslyn do a song and dance number, accompanied by unknown nurses. What’s interesting is how they start off with handheld microphones, and lose them at some point and switch to secret ones. The crowd goes wild, Spencer and Dex among them.

Victor says, Ambrose is in position at the MetroCourt, and Watkins says, Minerva is at the house where Valentin, Anna, and Lucy are holed up. Victor says, instruct them to surround the house. They move on his signal. Watkins says, rules of engagement? and Victor says he needs his son and Anna Devane alive. Lucy Coe is just a nuisance. Eliminate her.

Elizabeth says, Trina was so wonderful, and Portia says, she was. She’s so proud of Trina. Elizabeth asks if Portia has made any progress with Trina, and Portia says, just a little bit. Elizabeth says, she’ll come around, and Portia says, she will eventually, because she’s never giving up on her daughter.

Bobbie says, Josslyn was fantastic, and Josslyn thanks her, and says, they were, weren’t they? Bobbie says, good for her. False modesty always makes her want to grind her teeth. She says she has to get back to her hosting duties, and tells Josslyn that she’s a star. Linc slithers in as Bobbie leaves, and says, she’s right. He knows talent, and Josslyn definitely has it. In his hands, she can go way over the top.

Lucy says she could see Maxie was in way over her head, and she had to act. So yes, she went to the MetroCourt, but she promises nobody recognized her. She tries to walk out, but Anna grabs her and says, wait. She went to the MetroCourt? Lucy says, just to the lobby, no further. She got there, solved that problem, then made it back here quick as a little bunny. Valentin asks how she got there, and she says, don’t worry. She didn’t give the car service her exact address. She walked half a mile down, and coming back, she had them drop her at the far corner way down the street. Everything’s fine. Anna says, we have to leave now.

Sasha asks if Cody is ready for the spotlight, and he says, he and the spotlight are old friends. Gladys joins them, and asks what they’re talking about. Cody says, old friends.

Nina walks in, and she and Sonny smile at one another. Spencer tells Trina that she was amazing. She was so much better than Josslyn. They hug, and she says, he’s being biased, but he says, not at all. Carly runs up, and hugs Trina, saying, she was amazing. Spencer says he was just telling her the same thing, and Carly asks, where’s Joss?

Josslyn thanks Linc, but says she’s not interested in a music career. He tells hernot to say no to something before she hears all the reasons to say yes, when Brook walks in. She looks like she might possibly kill Linc.

On the phone, Victor says, excellent… Thank you. He tells Watkins, now.

Valentin says, come on, let’s go. As they pull on their coats, Anna tells Lucy that her trip to the MetroCourt cost them their location, so Victor can find them easily. Lucy says she doesn’t want to go. The Nurses Ball isn’t even on a break yet. Valentin says, if they don’t get going now, they’re dead for real this time. Got it? Lucy asks if she can just get some snacks, and Valentin says, hurry up. Anna drags Lucy out of the house, and sees a red dot on Valentin’s chest. She tells him, move! and we hear a gunshot.

To Be Continued…

Tomorrow, Josslyn tells Spencer that he’s caused nothing but misery; Victor says he’s not going anywhere until he gets what he came for; and Linc asks Brook, what the hell was that?

Vanderpump Rules

First, my bad, Kristina did sit at the table at Scheana’s dinner. Lala asked her to come, unaware it was a wedding dinner. Or so she says.

Ally has wisely walked out, and James says, she’s probably upset because she’s not used to confrontation. Kung Fu Sandoval says, sometimes having real power is having the power to do something and not using it, and Lala says, James has a lot to lose. She doesn’t want to see him react that way. In Ally’s interview, she says, it’s hard to watch the way James is acting, and the way he’s screaming. Scheana goes to make the rounds, and Schwartz heads for the restaurant, where he has reservations for Bubba, and feels the need to explain the name to the staff. Katie arrives, and he says he’ll use the more platonic Bub. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, Bubba has lost some meaning, but he still feels like they’re both Bubbas. Schwartz tells the server that they’re celebrating, and the server asks if it’s an anniversary, but Schwarz says, they’re divorced. The server is like, that’s nice? and Schwartz says, they just sold their house. The server seems confused, and Schwartz tells Katie that he’s not going for romance. In Katie’s interview, she says, romance isn’t Schwartz’s strong suit. We flash back to the ring on a string, and other times Schwartz missed the romance mark. She says, if he couldn’t romance her when they were married, she doesn’t think he’s going to romance her now. Schwartz toasts to getting back on the hedonic treadmill, and Katie says, how about the closing on the house as bittersweet as it is? And to all the memories, and to them. Schwartz says he wants to maintain a good friendship, and doesn’t want to ruin the moment, but he feels guilty not going to Brock and Scheana’s dinner.

James asks if he and Ariana can hug it out, and they do. Katie tells Schwartz that she feels bad, but he says, this is on him. He wanted to celebrate with her. After their divorce, he’s more apt to defend her. She says, no, he’s not. He pulled the groomsman card and defended Scheana’s ass. We flash back to him asking Katie to switch resorts, and he says, she pulled the wife/husband card. She abused it. he was a great f***ing husband. In her interview, Katie says, what? She asks when Schwartz has defended her honor, and he says, toward the end he didn’t because she’d abused that early on. In Katie’s interview, a producer asks why she thinks Schwartz never takes her side. She says, the only thing she could come up with is, he doesn’t like her. He might have loved her, but he never liked her. She tells Schwartz not to gaslight her, and he says, that’s her favorite term. Katie wonders where they go from here. Does he not want to be friends? Does he want to be friends with Brock and not her? She tells him to be real, and the server brings their meals. Schwartz says he didn’t want to ruin dinner, and Katie starts to cry. She says, he’s being great friends to the people surrounding him, when they’re being awful to her. He tries to protest, and she tells him, save it. He says, she was a provocateur in many of those situations, and she says, all right, gets up, and walks out. The server asks if he should take her dishes away, but ball-less Schwartz says he thinks she’s just going to the bathroom. The server leaves, and Schwartz says he’s finishing his steak. This was a bad idea.

James says, the group is used to intense group conversations, but Ally isn’t. Ally comes back with Brock, and asks if they’re safe. Scheana invites Ally to her bachelorette party, and James wonders why Lala isn’t going, since it’s a group event. What could Raquel do to make her not feel safe? Scheana is confused – her stance on most things – and Sandoval suggests going to some bar for drinks. Scheana says she’s going back to her room, and Lala tells James, that wasn’t his place; Scheana didn’t know how she felt. She was going to sit Scheana down. She follows Scheana outside, and tells her that it wasn’t James’s place to bring that up. She wants the energy to be amazing for Scheana, and was going to have a conversation about it. It’s where she’s at; she’s not great at being in fight mode right now.  Scheana asks why Kristina is there, and Lala says she didn’t know it was a wedding dinner. Scheana says, Lala should have asked her, and in Lala’s interview, she says, Scheana wanted things to be drama free, and she’s trying to give Scheana what she asked for. She’d rather hang out with her crew than being stuck on a boat at sea with Raquel. She’s going go on the boat, but they’re going to be screaming, bitch overboard, and it ain’t going to be her. Scheana says she’s going to put Summer down, then go to the bar.

Katie texts Kristina about meeting Schwartz, and Schwartz calls Katie, asking her to come back. He wants to end things on a positive note. She hangs up.

Kristina asks, what happened? and Katie says, it started off good. She was excited, but once again, Schwartz will defend literally anyone except her. Whoever she’s having an issue with, he’ll side with them. Kristina says, it’s a reminder of why Katie isn’t with him, when there’s a knock at the door. Katie looks out the peephole, and says, it’s Raquel. Raquel asks to come in for a quick second, and Katie asks why she’s here. Raquel says, Scheana wanted her to come over and tell them, because they didn’t book their room through the hotel’s preferred something-or-other, they have no access to the preferred pool. We see a clip of Scheana asking which bridesmaid is going to let Katie know that she’s not allowed in the preferred area. Raquel says, they can’t be in the area when the rest of them are there for wedding festivities, and Kristina and Katie laugh. In Katie’s interview, she says, so Raquel is going to tell her not to do something. Self-awareness is so lacking all over this place. Raquel says, it’s the only pool with a swim up bar. Kristina wonders if it’s her too, or just Katie, and Raquel says, Scheana was uncomfortable when Kristina was at dinner. Katie says, she’s a bitch, and Raquel says, to be blatantly honest, they don’t want either of them around. Kristina says she’d like to have a conversation with Scheana. There are 600 rooms, and she’s supposed to not go somewhere? She’s not being a prisoner. Raquel says, so they’re going to do it anyway? and Katie says, yeah. Kristina says, they won’t swim up to the bar, and Katie says, although she might be too drunk not too. Raquel leaves, and Katie says, what a dumbass.

Raquel reports back to Scheana, and says she told Katie and Kristina about not being allowed in the preferred areas; point blank, so it was black and white, and there was no confusion. In Scheana’s interview, she says, her telling Raquel to tell them they weren’t allowed in the preferred areas was a joke, but that Raquel actually listened is savage, and she’s here for it. Scheana says she’s going to bed. The car will be arriving at 9:30 for the bachelorette party, and the guys are having a party at the resort.

The girls leave for the bachelorette, and in James’s interview, he says, the thought of Brock and his friends… I’m a barbarian. Let’s take some Viagra and f*** a couple kangaroos here. The guys swill liquor and have what looks like a frat party for guys too old to be pledging. Katie and Kristina go to the – gasp! – preferred pool, and Katie says she held her breath a little giving her room number, but no problem. She has a do-not-disturb sign on her forehead now. They get in the water and swim up to the bar. At the bachelorette, Scheana says she’s in her happy place; on a boat with her favorite people. Scheana thanks the girls for coming, and toasts to the next fun few days. In his interview, James says he considers himself a man of the world, and he’s all for different cultures, but he’s never been the type to smack another guy’s ass in a speedo. Brock’s speedo has a face on it – Scheana’s? – and it’s creepy looking. Schwartz says he loves this place, and eyeballs one of the girls in the pool. He wonders why he feels it’s illegal to check girls out. Tom says he checks out girls all the time, and the viewers check a red flag on their playing cards. While Lala talks to Ally, Raquel tells the other girls that Lala was afraid they’d get in a fight, and she’d be stranded in the ocean. She claimed she didn’t feel safe. Raquel says she could have been a bitch, and say she didn’t want Lala on the catamaran, but that’s not who she is. Apparently, no one told her this also is not her wedding, and she says, she’s not giving off Lala energy. Ally asks Lala how she feels, and Lala says she had a moment, but she’s good. She says she doesn’t want what happened to her to happen to Ally. Ally needs to retain her power. Last night was tame. She needs to learn to tune James out, and know she’s not responsible for how he acts. In Lala’s interview, she says, you could be the smartest bitch in the world, but if you fall under someone like James, he’ll make a whirlwind of your life, and you’ll come out wondering how it happened. She tells Ally that she has her whole life ahead. She feels the need to protect Ally; she has a good heart. In her interview, Lala says, look at her and Raquel. Red flags were flying, and they had tunnel-vision because this persona was amazing at creating the illusion. Well, I don’t see it, but maybe you had to  be there. James just seems annoying and rude to me.

In Sandoval’s interview, he says, Schwartz needs to put himself out there. He’ll get over his marriage faster. Sandoval introduces Schwartz to the girl he was eyeing, and Schwartz tells her that she’s got great eyebrows. In his interview, Sandoval says, when Schwartz moved to L.A., he was awkward, but he got in the stride, and could be cool at times. He thinks Schwartz is out of practice. It’s been so long, he believes Schwartz thought he would never have to deal with this again. Schwartz says he’s going to make out with so many people tonight.

Meanwhile, at Villa Rosa, Lisa and Ken are expecting Pandora, Jason, and Baby Teddy for dinner. Lisa says, Scheana texted that they’re having a blast. Puffy! She says, Greg is probably going to criticize the boys for going off, but they grew up with Scheana, so they’re not sitting here while everyone else is celebrating her wedding. She asks if Ken likes Greg, and Ken says, Greg clearly doesn’t understand who he’s in bed with. The boys have no clue about the business. Lisa thinks the Toms should meet with Greg. They want to open in ten days, and don’t have a kitchen staff. She thinks they’re weeks away from opening. In Lisa’s interview, she says, the Toms want to open on August 31^st, and have no path forward. Where’s the plan? She doesn’t see it. We to her last meeting with the Toms, and she says she wants to help them, but she’s not sure she wouldn’t be treading on Greg’s toes. She tells Ken that she’d go in like a steamroller, and he says, as she’s done before. The boys never had experience. He asks what she’s thinking, and she says, what she’s been thinking a thousand times. She doesn’t think they know what they need to open. Greg needs to pull his finger out of his ass and get it done.  

In Scheana’s interview, she says, tonight is the welcome white party. She’s zen and happy, and not letting Katie and Kristina ruin anything. James tells Ally about the guys’ party, and makes fun of them. She says she talked to Lala, and he asks what Lala said. Ally says, Lala just wanted to check on her after last night, and James suggests Lala take a look at her own life. In James’s interview, he says, Lala was engaged to a fat man, and they haven’t seen each other in ages. She did it for a pickleball court. Okay. I looked it up. James is 31, and while there’s never an excuse for fat-shaming, he’s too old for this to be his go-to insult. He tells Ally that he’s never loved anyone as much as he loves her. She’s kind and caring, but has a spark in her butt. Is she gaseous?

There are tons of people at the white party, Peter among them. Peter tells Schwartz that he had no idea Katie wasn’t invited, and Scheana says, she came anyway. Lala meets Kristina and Katie for dinner, in an adjoining pavilion. In Lala’s interview, she says she knows she’s here for Scheana’s wedding, but there’s a lot of sh*t happening; they don’t need to be meeting for dinner. Like the catamaran, spa day, the breakfast, the dinner, the dinner before the dinner, the rehearsal dinner to rehearse for the rehearsal dinner… They see Scheana, and Katie says, maybe the resort is smaller than she thought. In Katie’s interview, she says, they chose the restaurant because the menu looked good. She didn’t know they’d be next to Scheana’s party. Scheana thinks she did this to spite her, which she didn’t. Katie smiles. Scheana grumbles that they didn’t need to have dinner there, and in Raquel’s interview, she says, Kristina and Katie are like those two old guys on The Muppets. She then proceeds to use her sleeves, cuffed in marabou feathers, like puppets. I have no words, except she can’t pull off that dress anyway, so why not? Katie says she’s not bringing bad energy. The only bad energy is coming from Scheana’s guests. In her interview, Raquel uses her sleeve puppets, and says, I hate love. Bah, humbug.

Instead of the standard photo op, there’s some weird camera that projects them spinning on a big screen. It seems like something Scheana would have. Kristina says she had a conversation with Scheana, and we see a clip of her telling Scheana, at the end of the day, she’s never done anything to Scheana, but Scheana has never given her a chance. Katie sighs, and Kristina says, they’re getting the benefit of the entertainment. There are fire dancers, and drummers playing on weird lit up drums that are partially filled with water on top. It kind of looks like a fountain with colored lights when they’re hit. Ariana, Sandoval, Brock, and Scheana sit at a table in the water, and Ariana says, it’s the best party ever. There are also swings and other tables in the water. I can see the swings, but why I would want to sit at a table in the water is beyond me. Scheana says, not once was there drama or bad energy. Inside, Lala asks what Katie and Kristina are doing later, and Katie says, drinking. She wants to turn up. Lala doesn’t know if she has the energy to go to the white party. There are so many people, she doubts Scheana will notice she’s gone.

Ariana wonders where Lala is, and Scheana points out that she’s having dinner with Kristina and Katie. Brock says, her loss, and Ariana says, Lala told them she didn’t want to come to anything intimate, but this is the biggest party. We flash back to Lala saying she’ll come to anything with a larger group. Sandoval says, when Schwartz went to dinner with Katie, they got in a fight, and Ariana calls Schwartz over. Scheana asks if he’s making out with anyone tonight, and in Ariana’s interview, she says, Raquel’s ears perked up when she heard Schwartz making out. Scheana asks why he went to dinner with Katie, and he says, closure. Ariana asks, how many more closures? and he says, Katie is still his girl. Scheana says, she’s not his Bubba anymore, but Schwartz says, it’s Bub, the platonic version. Scheana says, Katie’s not his Bub or Bubba. She’s his ex-wife. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, being single, he didn’t think people would tell him how to think and feel, and now he’s feeling attacked. Sandoval says, no offense, but he doesn’t want Katie around, and in his interview, Schwartz says, he’s still allowed to care. He’s not ready to let Bub go.  

Kristina asks if Lala has talked to the Don, and Lala says, all the time. She’s skeptical about people, especially men, and when she asked if he was a good dude, he asked if she hadn’t gotten his background check back. She told him she hadn’t done one yet, but she does them because she has a lot at stake. Schwartz comes to the table, and says he has a favor to ask Katie. He tells the others, earmuffs, and Lala says, she loves him, but she’s not earmuffing. He asks if Katie will trim his armpit hair, and in his interview, he says, it grows alarmingly fast. Maybe he’s being too clingy. He needs to create separation, and do self-empowerment. Katie tells him to have Brock do it, and Schwartz says he’ll just cut his own hair. He leaves, and Lala asks if he really came over here to ask that. Katie says, he’s drunk. He’s in pest mode. Lala says she doesn’t like that he sh*ts on Katie, then acts like everything is fine, but she kind of feels bad for him right now. Katie says, no one feels bad for her, but Lala says she’s protective of Katie. Katie is never going to win them over.

Raquel and Schwartz go to a small table in the pool and sit. Seriously, it even looks stupid. Katie tells Lala and Kristina that she and Schwartz get in a fight every time they talk. Their dinner was supposed to be a celebration for selling their house and anniversary stuff, but it turned into a fight. Brock yells, make out! to Schwartz and Raquel. Schwartz says, the others trying to coerce them into making out makes him kind of want to. She asks when he came to this realization, and in Schwartz’s interview, he says he feels he’s been a good divorcee; super sweet and supportive. Schwartz says, now it’s forbidden fruit, and Raquel says, Katie made it a thing. In his interview, Schwartz complains that Katie imposed arbitrary restrictions on what he can and can’t do. Um… No, she didn’t. She said, no one in the friend group, and L.A. is a big place. Raquel says, now she can’t stop thinking about it, and in her interview, she says, there are lots of reasons she’s attracted to Schwartz. He’s sweet and kind, and she loves his sense of humor. Her attraction to Schwartz outweighs her desire to be friends with Katie. They kiss, and the crowd cheers, and we know now this is bullsh*t.

To be continued…

👣 Reducing My Carbon Footprint…

Drop in tomorrow for more Nurses Ball and a cup or two of tea. Until then, stay safe, stay not setting thirst traps, and stay not saying no to something before you hear all the reasons to say yes. Hey, even snakes have good advice once in a while.