Tag Archives: Real Housewives

Oct26

October 25, 2015 — A Freed Wizard, a Zombie Herd & Checking In

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

Once Upon A Time

Old Camelot. Some knight dude has the dagger and comes across the hooded figure from the Scream movies. Okay, not quite, but that could probably happen in this show. He says something about “the destroyer” and “the only woman he ever loved,” and the hooded figure turns him into a tree. Ok, he must be Merlin.

Because Snow and David got fairy dusted or whatever last week, they tell Regina that Arthur is cool and she should give him the dagger. Emma freeze frames them and tells Regina that Arthur is bad news, and the dagger needs to go back from whence it came, and free Merlin.

In Storybrook, Guinevere wants to have a ball to lift the stuck Camelot people’s spirits. Not a good time kind of ball, but a dance kind of ball. Not that you can’t have a ball at a ball. Ha-ha! Henry also wants to ask out Violet, who has already learned texting.

Mr. Gold tells Dark Emma that he always convinced himself that he was using magic for a higher purpose, but it always leads to losing the ones you love. She tells Merida, whose heart she has stolen (literally), to take Gold out to the woods and teach him how to be a man. No, not that way. She wants him to be able to remove Excalibur. Then she starts weeping over a dreamcatcher in some room that looks like it’s decorated by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre guys. Except prettier.

Regina tells Storybrook Emma that a spell can be like venom – sometimes you need some of the poison to make the antidote. She thinks they can counteract the spell that put Merlin in the tree with another spell.

Henry and Violet are in the stables. While Violet leaves for a minute, Henry goofs around with some swords, manages to almost hurt himself and break one of the stall walls. Violet’s father, Sir Morgan, comes in and tells him he’s not good enough for his daughter.

Merida tries to teach Gold some swordsmanship, but he fails miserably. He tells her she has the wrong person for the task. She knocks him down and says she’ll have to do it herself then. She doesn’t really say that, but she might as well, considering what she has to work with.

In Storybrook, Dark Emma and Henry talk about old times. I’m not sure how many Emmas there are now. So far I’ve counted 2 dark and 1 light. Violet has lost her horse, and Henry has said he’d help find it. The horse is notorious for liking pumpkins, so they drive to Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater’s patch. Yep, he’s there.

In Camelot, Henry wants to learn how to use a sword to impress Violet and her father, but Emma tells him he’s a mysterious stranger from an exotic land, and that should be good enough.

We flash back to young Regina and her mother, Barbara Hershey. As a girl, Regina was going to run off with her first love, but her mother killed him. While remembering, when Regina starts to cry, Emma captures a teardrop to use for their anti-spell. She wonders how a mother could do such a thing to her child, and Regina says her mother thought she was doing what was best.

Henry concocts a pre-dance rendezvous for him and Violet at the diner. He pours her a soda and she thinks it’s magic, “like a carnival in a can.” Boy, is she easy to impress. Ugh! She says she just wants to be friends. I see some things always stay the same no matter what dimension you’re in. He thinks it has something to do with her father, but I think not because she looks surprised when he says that. At least she doesn’t say, it’s not you, it’s me. That’s right. Sometimes it is you.

Merida breaks into Gold’s shop and starts checking out the goods.

Hook, Belle, Regina and Robin Hood check out Excalibur. A dreamcatcher comes in the mail and Regina says they can be pretty powerful when imbued with magic.

Regina and Emma try concocting a spell using the tear, but other than a cloud of smoke, nothing happens. Emma says it’s because Regina has moved on from those days, and although she’s still heartbroken, there have been things that have eclipsed it now. In a moment of convenience, Henry comes by, and sheds a tear about Violet. Regina captures it.

Arthur arrives with a posse. He’s really pissed and wants the dagger now, but instead Emma gets that tear into the spell pronto. A load of gigantic black and white Silly String flies everywhere. Whatever she did worked, because Merlin appears. Like Hook before him, Merlin ain’t your momma’s Merlin. He’s far from an old guy with a beard in a pointy hat. Not even close.

Merlin tells Arthur he’s a disappointment and Arthur whines that Merlin ruined his life. Arthur says it’s not finished, but takes his marbles and goes home.

Instead of a ball, they’ve decided to have a carnival. Arthur says that put back together, the sword can do just about anything, but in the wrong hands, it could destroy everything. What else is new? Henry brings the horse back to Sir Morgan and Violet. Morgan changes his tune and says Henry will make a fine knight one day.

Merida says her father told her that if you want a lad to fight, you have to give him something to fight for. Apparently, she’s stolen his favorite tea cup and wants him to fight her for it. He makes a good start, but she says they have a long way to go before he can defeat Dark Emma.

Regina and Robin look into the dreamcatcher and see Violet’s memories. They see Emma take Violet’s heart, promising to bring it back once she’s broken Henry’s heart and Emma can get a tear for the spell. Unfortunately, Henry walks in while they’re eavesdropping or eaveslooking or whatever.

David says he expected Merlin to be older, and Merlin says being a tree can be good for your skin. Who knew? Merlin asks Emma if her heart is truly ready to be free from darkness.

Regina asks Dark Emma why she’s taken their memories and Mr. Gold. She tells Dark Emma that Henry saw what she did. Emma says she did it to protect Henry, and Regina says that’s what Barbra Hershey told her too, and that she’s only trying to justify being evil. Dark Emma goes off into the night.

Next week: A giant bear! A really giant bear.

The Walking Dead

Another damn alarm is going off, and half the zombies from the herd are headed for Alexandria. Rick tells Daryl to keep doing what he’s doing with his half, while the rest of them try to get the zombies moving in the right direction. One guy starts whining to Michonne that Rick is a screw up who wants them to die, and she tells him to shut up and keep moving. Oops, too late. Dude got eaten by a zombie. Michonne is more than happy to give him a sword to the head.

Rick tells Michonne and Glenn to keep going with the others, while he goes off to do…something. The group moves forward, killing zombies along the way. A couple of these guys aren’t too swift. One takes off running, which will no doubt cause a problem later. How that idiot, Nicholas, who got Noah killed last season, is still standing is beyond me.

Daryl wants to leave his zombie leading position, but Sasha and Abe tell him he’ll be putting them in bad way if he does.

Commercial break. It’s Obrecht from GH playing stewardess in Fear 462 again!

Michonne keeps a wounded dude occupied by asking about how he met his wife. He says finding her in all this has made it worth it, but I’m not so sure about that. Let’s see, zombie apocalypse or staying single for a while… They look for a car near where Noah was killed. A million cars on the street, but they can’t find one that works. Nicholas say’s “That’s Sturgis’s hat,” the guy who ran off. Oops! There’s hatless Sturgis, who is now zombie lunch Sturgis. The group enters a pet store. My first thought is, say no to puppy mills, but I guess we don’t have to worry about that now.

Glenn thinks he can distract the zombies long enough for the others to get away and set fire to a feed store. Michonne doesn’t want to leave him, but he’s insistent. For some ungodly reason, he tells Nicholas to come with him, and to lead the way. I wouldn’t trust this guy to be a movie usher and lead people to their seats, much less lead anything here.

Rick is running down an empty road and kills a couple of zombies in his way, taking a few supplies off the bodies.

Michonne wraps the wounded’s injuries. Like this is going to matter. One guy says that they should be left behind, but both Michonne and Heath are against that. Michonne asks Heath what his problem is with her. He heard Rick tell her that if anyone can’t make it, to leave them behind. She says sometimes there’s no choice and that Heath doesn’t understand that because he’s never been in that position. She asks him if he’s ever been covered in so much blood, that he doesn’t know if it’s his, the walkers’ or his friends’? That would be a no, so he finally shuts up.

Nicholas and Glenn see some have squished zombie that was a friend of Nicholas’s. Glenn has Nicholas put him out of his misery. (I mean the zombie, not Glenn.) They hear shots coming from somewhere and it’s drawing the zombies near the pet shop. Michonne says as soon as it’s clear, they’re to head to the feed store.

Rick’s running like he’s in Marathon Man, and gets in an RV. It has balloons tied on to it, so either it’s part of the plan or it’s someone’s birthday.

Back at the pet shop, a few zombies are starting to trickle in, so the group’s cover is blown. It doesn’t look too good for going outside. They go anyway, and all hell is breaking loose. The girl with them becomes a casualty. I don’t know about you, but I’ll bet I could run pretty damn fast if there was a crowd of zombies chasing me. Glenn and Nicholas get blocked by the zombie horde, while the others are trying to climb a fence. Glenn and Nicholas get trapped by zombies on both sides. Michonne and Heath make it over the fence, but wounded guy doesn’t. Does it really matter? Michonne, Heath & last other guy stand watching as wounded dude gets eaten. Hello? Either shoot him or move on. Nicholas and Glen are now trapped on top of a dumpster, surrounded by zombies. Nicholas is totally freaked and Glenn tries to get him to snap out of it. Where is Cher when you need her? Instead of doing the right thing, Nicholas shoots himself, and Glenn ends up falling into the zombies. No good deed goes unpunished.

THANKS, NICHOLAS, YOU STUPID WRETCH!

Commercial break. The host of The Talking Dead, Chris Hardwick, doesn’t know what to say and neither do I. At least Nicholas was no great loss.

Michonne, Heath and Last Dude are traveling through the woods, and see smoke in the distance. They find a creek and travel walking in it. Heath catches a glimpse of his blood-covered reflection. Some initiation.

Rick is in place in the RV, and gets on the walkie-talkie. Sasha answers him from the car, but it looks like Daryl is going off to find himself on his motorcycle. Where the gunfire is coming from, we still don’t know. A couple of armed guys bust into the RV, which wakes Daryl up from his trance and causes him to turn around. Who these guys are and what they want, we don’t know, but Rick finds a jar of baby food in one of their pockets.  Rick sees someone outside the RV and starts shooting wildly.

Great. Now the RV won’t start and zombies are coming from everywhere.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In

The Gorgas go with Joe Giudice to his late father’s home in the Catskills.  We get the lowdown that when Joe Guidice wet his pants as a kid, his mother hit him in the head with a shoe. This might explain a lot.

Teresa calls. We get way to much information about how certain “toys” are made in prison and I can’t get Teresa off the phone fast enough.

The house has an awesome outside brick oven, and they make pizzas. Rosie and Teresa’s girls have arrived to join them. In her individual interview, Melissa says she hopes they can put the past behind them and be a family again. Teresa’s brother has finally gotten the visitation okay. Joe Giudice says it’s a real hassle. He started with only being able to visit once a month, and is now up to twice. I’m almost surprised that they let him visit, since he’ll be doing time next, but I guess they make exceptions for family.

Melissa says it feels weird without Teresa, and husband Joe says he can’t wait to see her. They hadn’t exactly been getting along that well, and he’s hoping that “the old Teresa” comes out.

Joe Giudice and the girls go to a little chapel built nearby. The younger ones have difficulty reciting The Lord’s Prayer and it makes me wonder what kind of Sunday school class they attend. Teresa hunts them down even in the chapel. She’s surprised they don’t know basic prayers and says they have to start going to church every week (are these people sure they’re Italian Catholics?). It’s kind of sweet because Teresa says she’s learned in prison that you can just talk directly to God. And as I’m typing this, I’m wondering if she realizes the youngest has been told she’s at work. Maybe they told her Teresa works in the prison doing research for her next book.

Back home, Gia snaps at Joe and they have a discussion. I have to say, Joe seems like a pretty easy-going dad considering. Joe says it’s an overwhelming situation, that they have to stay strong, and he appreciates how much Gia has stepped up. They talk about things without really talking about them and I think that’s how the family has basically functioned, even before Teresa went to prison.

The next-to-youngest is shaving Joe’s back, which I assume is normally Teresa’s job. He tells her that her working for him makes her a tax deduction. That Joe! What a card! I’d be really careful with those deductions from now on if I was him.

Joe meets Teresa’s lawyer at the restaurant where she flipped the table way back in season one. The lawyer tells him they’re “chipping away” at the restitution. Meaning that the Giudice’s paychecks are garnisheed to pay back the money they stole. When Teresa gets home, she’ll be on something called “home confinement.” It’s not the same as house arrest, but there are rules as to where she can go. The lawyer asks Joe if he’s learned anything from this experience. What is this? Will there be multiple choice questions next? Yeah, he learned not to commit fraud. My guess is that whoever steered him in that direction gave him some song and dance that “everybody does it.” He claims he didn’t really know what he was doing was wrong, and I’m not so sure I totally believe that, but I do think he believed it was no harm, no foul. And I don’t think Teresa knew what was going on at all. I think he said, “Here, sign this,” and she did. I don’t think they’re bad people, just excessively ignorant.

Joe Gorga seems totally freaked about visiting Teresa. He says his body is numb and he doesn’t know how to think or feel. It’s highly unlikely I’ll ever be visiting my sister in prison, so I’ll take his word for it. Melissa says she feels badly that she can’t get on the visitation list yet. I don’t suppose we’ll be able to go along either.

You can’t wear shorts and you can’t bring in phones. Gia tells about how somebody snuck one in the prison to take a picture of Teresa and got in a heap of trouble. Teresa’s mom says “you can’t trust nobody.” Gia says the visit is probably going to be difficult for her Uncle Joe. He says they were brought up not to cry, but he spent the first hour of the visit crying. He’s tearing up now, and I feel for him. The reality has hit him pretty hard.

Everyone is pretty bummed out in the car on the way home. Joe Gorga says that if they feel that way, imagine how she must feel.

After one last check in, we see the family photo taken at the prison. Teresa is expected to be released on December 23, and Joe will begin his sentence in March of 2016.

Oct20

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Hey! It’s Ned! He’s been off touring with his daughter, Brooklyn. Yo! Eddie Maine! When Alexis says something about “Olivia and Leo,” Ned says Leo is the baby that passed away and Mateo is the adopted baby. Alexis asks him if he was there for the adoption, and he says he was aware of everything, so I’m thinking he knows the truth. It’s like when you say you “have experience” with something on a resume and what you really mean is you walked past it once. Alexis is definitely suspicious, and when she leaves, calls somewhere regarding a DNA test. That lab makes a lot of money from Port Charles residents.

If Sabrrrina doesn’t stop “thinking about” Carrrlos, everyone is going to get a clue. She tells Michael she’s pregnant and when he starts singing “You’re Having My Baby,” she gives a soap opera face. Okay, I’m making up the singing part, but he did say it and she did make a face. And she stared at the picture of Carrrlos on the front page of the paper. He asks why she waited so long to tell him, and she says it was fear of losing another baby. This might actually be believable, if she’d lost baby Gabriel from a miscarriage, but it was a car accident. But that’s okay, no one has noticed this.

Kiki is still busy drinking. Morgan questions her drinking alone, and she says it’s better company. Hear, hear!

Whiney voice, I mean, Molly, isn’t happy about Julian moving in. Julian says she’s entitled to her opinion, but he’s entitled to try and change it. She’s like, good luck with that. She seems to think that whatever phone call he was on when she came in has something to do with a kidnapping. She tells Alexis that the next time Julian gets a mysterious phone call, that she should dig a hole and stick her head in it. She storms out while Alexis looks all shocked at the remark. Really? It’s not like Whiney Molly hasn’t been outspoken before. At least Julian has his shirt on today.

Spinelli tells Sam that Jason is still with them, just not in the conventional way. Boy, he has no idea how close he is to the truth. She says she sees Jason in Danny, and is feeling guilty for moving on. “Jake” goes to Windermere to shake Nicholas down about who he really is. Hayden steps in to stop him from strangling Nicholas. Nicholas tells him his life is better without knowing, and he did the DNA test to protect the innocent. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That’s a good one! He accuses “Jake” of stealing his files and says he must have had help from Sam.”Jake” says to go ahead and press charges, but good luck getting them to stick. Nicholas admits comparing his DNA to an international database, but says there was no result. Like any of us believe that.

A strange (meaning a stranger, not weird) girl approaches Morgan. She says she noticed he got shot down by Kiki, but in lieu of that, he can flirt with her. She introduces herself as Darby Collette, which sounds like a romance writer pseudonym.

Ned goes to see Olivia and tells her he’s been doing a lot of thinking (never a good sign), and that he believes they should go their separate ways. Both Olivia and I make a sad face because Ned has aged really well. Ned says he can’t go along with the charade about Leo. He says that one lie leads to another until instead of living your life, you’re living a lie. Good one. As I’ve mentioned, I’m in this for the action stuff, not the couples, but even I feel badly about this. Ned doesn’t want to break up, but he tells her she has to tell Julian the truth.

It’s the anniversary of Jason’s loss, and Spinelli thinks they should do something special. Sam says Jason never liked a big deal about anything and suggest they just stand there as friends and meditate on the stars. A shooting star goes by and voila! here comes “Jake” to join them. Honestly, this is killing me.

Ned says he wants to stay with Olivia and be a family with Leo, but not under false pretenses. Olivia says she was going to tell Julian the truth, but Julian got arrested before she could say anything. The charges were dropped, but she doesn’t believe he’s out of the mob. Ned tells her good-by, and says that if she needs him for anything, just call.

Darby invites Morgan to a party, and Molly comes by, having used her fake ID to get in the bar. Darby knows Molly from school, and invites her along too. Morgan is on the fence about going, and Darby prods Molly for info on him when he steps away from the table.

Michael tells Sabrrrina that he loves her and wants the baby. He asks her what she wants, and she makes another soap opera face. No one asked me what I want, but I’d like Carrrlos back. Sabrrrina says she loves Michael too. What’s going to happen when that baby comes out with a beard and moustache?

Spinelli leaves Sam and “Jake” on the docks. “Jake” clues Sam in on what happened with Nicholas. He says that Nicholas will probably be running around, tying up loose ends, and that’s when he might slip up.

Nicholas asks Hayden if it might have occurred to her that he’s telling the truth about not knowing “Jake’s” identity, and she laughs her head off. Me too. Young Spencer comes in and it’s time for Hayden to toddle off so he and Nicholas can have a scene together. Spencer asks Nicholas what his intentions are toward Hayden. I love this kid and think he has a huge future in show biz. Spencer says he doesn’t want to like Hayden too much because he doesn’t want things to end up like they did with Britt. Nicholas says he feels the same way, and Spencer asks who he’s kidding, he’s in love with Hayden.

Morgan hassles Kiki some more. She tells him he hurts her just be being around and to leave her alone. She’s not even being that loud, but everyone in the bar seems to be listening in.

The most boring couple in the world, Alexis and Julian, discuss Molly, and I fall asleep.  Oddly enough, Julian gets another mystery call, but instead of taking Molly’s advice, Alexis listens from the hallway. He ends the call with saying if anything goes wrong, they’ll be consequences.

Kiki is done drinking, but has forgotten her wallet. The bartender, who has taken her car keys, tells her to walk home, which is highly unlikely, since he could be held responsible if anything happens. Why isn’t he just calling her a cab (you’re a cab!) and letting her deal with it from there?

Spencer says he sees the mating dance, the smolder and the skip in Nicholas’s step. ROFL! Nicholas steers him to bed.

We end with “Jake” and Sam parting company, while we see another shooting star. Come on already.

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part One

We start off behind-the-scenes with Meghan saying that she doesn’t know what to expect, and “I’ll just go out and be myself, I guess.” No, Meghan. Go out and be Fred Flintstone. I’d actually prefer Fred.

The ladies (and I use the term loosely) are dressed surprisingly understated. No ball gowns or ballerina outfits, although Shannon has an amazing pair of earrings that I desperately want.

Sadly, Jim’s ex-wife passed away, but on the upside, Hayley actually managed to graduate high school.

Meghan starts off picking on Vicki, because she’s of the opinion that the love for one’s own child is different than that toward a step-child.

I’m shocked when Heather, who is friends with another ex-wife of Jim’s, says that Meghan shouldn’t have criticized the ex on the show because she couldn’t answer for herself.  I agree. I also agree with her that being a stay-at-home mom is sometimes a harder job than working outside the home, and if you do, why can’t you have a nice purse. This was brought up because of Vicki’s comment about a stay-at-home wife spending the husband’s money.

We go down Memory Lane with Vicki and her mom. When Vicki’s mom died, that was one episode I could not watch a second time. My father passed away just before I got married, and I can so identify with how she feels. She says she feels like she doesn’t have anyone “watching out for” her now and I totally understand. She talks about how she still sometimes wants to pick up the phone when something happens and I get that too. When I went to my 20th high school reunion, I found out a childhood friend of mine had died, and my first thought was to call my father, and then I realized he was no longer here. Even after 30 years, it’s a feeling that’s hard to shake. Vicki tells a funny story about her mom getting arrested and it lightens the mood.

Commercial break. Oh, good! The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce is coming back for another season. Great show! I also love Odd Mom Out and hope it returns. I was surprised I liked the latter, because I thought I wouldn’t be able to relate, but it’s funny as hell, and more about being a New Yorker than anything else.

They have a funny segment about how particular the women are when they order food in a restaurant. Heather tells Shannon that she’s doing too many colonics. This, coming from the person who duct taped leeches to their stomach. Vicki also got some criticism for telling the naked sushi girl that she should get a real job. In all fairness, she also got a lot of resumes.

Meghan can’t cook Minute Rice? Really? She also doesn’t know who Heather Locklear is. One of the things that’s really bothered me about her is that she’s an ageist. I can’t count the times she’s referenced the ages of the other women in comparison to her 30 years on the earth. When I was in my 30s, one of my closest friends was in her 80s.

Tamra says that she and Meghan “speak the truth,” and I throw up in my mouth.  Andy asks Meghan what “judgy eyes” look like and she makes a cartoon face. I guess they look like Mr. Magoo when he puts on his glasses.

We flash back to Tamra telling us she’s been saved, “and if you don’t like it, you can suck it.” Why? Why does she always have to be so profane? Now, I’m no prude by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think some things are inappropriate. For instance, I was raised by a sailor and can certainly curse like one, but I don’t do that in front of someone’s aging parents. It was like when Tamra called Alexis “Jesus Jugs.” I was just like WTF? It made me cringe.

Tamra has had a lot of difficulties with her eldest daughter and there have been a lot of conflicts. Apparently, this child needs therapy, and her ex, who fought and won custody, didn’t think it was necessary. The court said because she was 17, she could make the decision of who she wants to live with. After a wonderful vacation together, where afterward her daughter texted “I love you” to her, Tamra’s daughter exited her life and hasn’t returned. Simon, her ex, is a controlling bastard, so it’s not surprising that he would use a child’s health to get back at Tamra. The kids also read the tabloid stuff, which has been less than kind to her. While I don’t think she’s the soul of tact, I don’t think she’s a bad mother and it’s unfortunate that she’s had to go through this. The upside is, it led her to the Lord, and I’m hoping she continues to grow.

Yep, we see the Alexis clip. Alexis sends an email to Andy to pass along to Tamra. Whoa. She totally calls Tamra out. I might have been a little more diplomatic, but she’s right on the money. She says that just because Jesus takes us as we are and we continue to make mistakes, it doesn’t give Tamra a hall pass to act like the same old bitch. I translated that last part. Tamra says Alexis is the kind of Christian that gives Christians a bad name, and that she shouldn’t be sitting in judgment. While I agree with the latter, isn’t Tamra doing the same thing with that statement? And sorry, Tamra is more likely to give Christians a bad name.

The previews show them talking about Brooks. I didn’t think we were going to get any of that tonight.

Ladies of London

They always have great music on this show. I love foreign pop!

Julie says she’s creating a new mold for being a Lady. Alexis Carrington Sophie says British aristocracy is a “civilized pursuit” (what?) and you need to dress the part.

The Baroness has gotten a humongous bouquet from her boyfriend, and I wonder if we’ll ever get to see him. Oooh. The card says “you kiss my soul.” Do you think he made that up himself? There’s more mushy stuff, but that was the best part. Caroline #1 has come by for a visit.

Marissa is telling her husband about the crater-sized faux pas she made at bowling, giving the Baroness a shirt that said “cougar” on it, and proceeding to make some really disgusting comments about dating children. The Baroness was not too happy about it, and the boyfriend pushed Marissa out of the taxi and left her in the street when she was supposed to get a ride home with them. I laugh so hard, I think I’ll bust a gut. Why didn’t Bravo film this???!

Annabelle says that it’s ironic that Julie is a yoga teacher and she’s always in a panic. The group is going on a shooting weekend, an aristocratic and expensive thing to do. The weekend part looks great, but you can leave me out of the shooting. Juliet is hosting it, which is kind of weird. Isn’t she a vegetarian? Marissa is a babbling idiot at dinner. Ha-ha! Juliet doesn’t have to do a thing to get back at her. Just let her be her stupid self. They get on the topic of is cougar a bad thing, and have to explain what MILF means to Julie like she’s a two-year-old. Caroline #1 is on edge because of her business going down the tubes. Everyone is meeting at 8 a.m., but she’s booked a spa day. I’d go with her.

There are elaborate outfits to shoot in. There are a lot of layers and it looks like it’s pretty chilly out. They’re shooting pheasants and partridges (♫ Come on, get happy! ♫), and the meat gets sold to pubs and given to the local people. I would never want to hunt, but I’m okay with others doing it if it gets eaten.

Oh, it’s Julie that’s the vegetarian. Why do their names have to be so similar, and why do we have 2 Carolines? Juliet says Marissa wants to be Victoria Beckham. Not bloody likely. Ever. Yay! It’s time to go to the pub.

Joan Collins Sophie says a shot of vodka in your soup can get you through the day or something like that. She also says that on these shooting weekends, they basically drink their faces off.

Julie and Marissa are having champagne and a bubble bath together. I don’t really like bubble baths much to begin with, but this is really weird IMO. The other girls have gone to the bar to have champagne. Everyone reconvenes for dinner. Caroline #1 needs to eat immediately, and I understand this. My husband has learned to understand that if we’re in the car and I say I need to eat now, I mean now, not 30 minutes from now. Oooh. The Baroness says Marissa makes her insides crawl. Me too! Caroline #1 tells Marissa that even if she apologized, she also blabbed to everyone within hearing distance about the cab thing, and it got back to the Baroness’s family. Marissa is also best friends with the Baroness’s sister.

Commercial break. Why is Samuel L. Jackson stumping for Capital One? He can’t possibly need the money.

Caroline #1 has to explain things to Marissa. Marissa hunts down the Baroness in the bathroom. The Baroness says she tried to climb out the window, but it was locked. Marissa is so freaking dense. She says she didn’t tell the whole world. Doesn’t matter. She told the wrong person. She has no business discussing the Baroness’s boyfriend with anyone. The Baroness says that her boyfriend did not “push” her out of the car, that she was dawdling, so they took off. I tend to believe her. The Baroness has had enough though, and accepts Marissa’s apology. Too bad. I liked the Evil Baroness, staring daggers at Marissa. The girls come back in with their arms around each other and everyone applauds. More dinking and parlor games.

This includes funneling some tequila into Juliet’s mouth. Yuk!

Next week, it’s London Fashion Week!

Oct19

October 18, 2015 — A Sword, Some Wolfs & Two Joes

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

In old Camelot, young Arthur tells young Guinevere that Merlin (who is trapped inside a tree) gave him a prophecy that he would pull a sword from a stone and they would become king and queen.  Fast forward to Arthur as an adult. When he takes the sword from the stone, the bottom of it is gone, taken to make Dark Emma’s dagger. Arthur hides it in a sheath when he returns to the people, acting like nothing is wrong.  Arthur tells David he can re-forge the sword so that it will again be able to defeat the powers of darkness.

Rumpelstiltskin tells Emma since she’s the savior, she needs to save herself before it’s too late. Good point.

David wants to take the dagger and use it to put the sword back together. Snow doesn’t trust Arthur, and even though David thinks it will save Emma, she wants to wait. David approaches Arthur and tells him Lancelot is alive. Guinevere overhears and tells David he doesn’t know the whole story of her and Lance. David goes into his bag to get the dagger, but it’s gone.

In old Camelot, it’s Guinevere’s birthday party. Arthur is late and Lancelot dances with the queen. Guinevere has taken a magic gauntlet that she believes will help find the missing piece of the sword. Lancelot joins her in the quest and the gauntlet leads them to a weird circle that looks like a giant sewer cap with mystical symbols on it. When it opens, there’s a staircase to a place that looks kind of like a mine. All kinds of black crazy stuff comes out of nowhere and surrounds Lancelot. Guinevere makes it go away and they kiss. She says it won’t happen again, but I dunno about that.

Henry takes Emma and Hook to a stable where he wants to show them something, but they’re interrupted by Henry’s crush, Violet. Emma and Hook hide, and Henry and Violet go riding.

Lance and Gwen come to a forest where the dagger is on display. When they try to take it, they’re thrown back and Rumpel appears.  Rumpel offers them a compromise – a pinch of enchanted sand will fix the sword without the dagger. He asks for the gauntlet in exchange for a vial of it. He tells Gwen that when a woman’s heart is torn between duty and desire, it never ends well. She agrees to the exchange, and he adds that she needs to worry about a broken heart more than a broken sword.

Lance and Snow go underground and on to the forest. Snow says she’s seen this place in a vision before, and Dark Emma crushed her heart there. Arthur has followed them. He’s led David on a wild goose chase to look for Snow, and says that if Snow knows what’s good for her, she’ll hand over the dagger.

Gwen gets back to Camelot and tells Arthur about the sand that will make something broken seem whole again. Maybe she should use it on their relationship. He still wants the dagger, but she tells him that if he doesn’t get with the program, she’s leaving him for Lance. Bizarrely, Arthur takes my advice and throws some of the sand at Gwen. It makes her cool with Arthur going on his quest for the dagger, and he tosses a load of the sand out of the tower window and over the kingdom.

Arthur says he’ll kill Lance if Snow doesn’t give him the dagger and she hands it over. He says he can now command Dark Emma to put the sword back together and free Merlin. He orders her to appear and nothing happens. Snow tells him the dagger isn’t real and voila! here’s David. He says he knew something was up with Arthur who “tried to trick [him] with a catchy title and a comfy chair.” (Another Monty Python reference.)

Hook tells Emma to quit talking to Rumpel in her head and get on the horse. They ride off, but Emma is still seeing Rumpel watching them.

Arthur looks like someone took his last piece of Halloween candy, and Snow thinks he’s unusually quiet. That’s because Gwen and a whole lot of knights show up to set him free. Gwen, still under the sand’s spell, tells the knights to take Lance to the dungeon, and uses the last of the sand on Snow and David. Meanwhile, Merida from Brave shows up at Lance’s cell.

Snow and David tell Regina to bring the dagger out of hiding and give it to Arthur, as it’s their best chance to help Emma. Emma and Hook frolic in the forest, and Rumpel is nowhere to be seen, even by Emma. Nice crane shot of Hook and Emma embracing in a field of roses.

Dark Emma has Mr. Gold (Storybrook Rumpel) held prisoner. She also has Merida handcuffed to a Volkswagen. (Didn’t seem all that weird up until now, right?) Dark Emma steals Merida’s heart and tells her to take her bow and make Mr. Gold the brave guy she needs.

The Walking Dead

We begin by seeing how Enid got to Alexandra. We see her in a car, writing “JSS” on the window; escaping to a forest, where she writes “JSS” in the dirt; and then eating a turtle. I’m not kidding, I’m watching her eat a turtle right now. She makes another “JSS” out of its bones. She gets to the gate at Alexandria, writes it in the dirt on the back of her hand, someone opens the gate, and she enters. Okay, I give up already. (BTW, no turtles were harmed in the making of this episode – it didn’t just taste like chicken, it was chicken.)

Maggie wants Deanna to help plant a garden in the safe zone and finish the wall. Eugene and Tara meet the new doctor, Denise, who is really a psychiatrist and scared out of her wits. Tara says she’s been feeling dizzy, so Denise takes a look at her for an easy start to her new profession.

Carl (where’s he been?) is pushing baby Judith in a stroller. Father Gabriel interrupts his walk, telling him that he was wrong and wants to learn how to fight the zombies. Carl tells him to come by later and they’ll start with the machete.

Carol is busy cooking, and probably cooking something up in her head, when she sees Shelly having a smoke out on the lawn. Suddenly, a guy comes out of nowhere and kills Shelly with a machete. Is Carl prophetic? Maggie and Deanna see that part of the wall is on fire and someone is climbing over it to the outside. They come across a body that’s been set on fire. A load of crazies start to wreak havoc, chopping people up and writing “W” (for Wolf) on their foreheads in the blood. I don’t know what’s going on. Civil unrest or something else? A gigantic truck drives right into the church and if that truck horn doesn’t stop in about 5 seconds, I’m going out of my mind and joining the Wolfs. Thank you, Morgan, for poking that zombie in the head who’s leaning on the horn.

Chaos is everywhere in Alexandria. A guy who looks like he’s from Deliverance tries to attack Morgan with an axe, but Carol comes from behind and gets him first. She puts a “W” on her forehead too, and disguises herself as one of them.

Holly has been badly injured, but Denise is afraid to try and operate on her. Eugene tells her she doesn’t want to be a coward. And he oughtta know. Denise bucks up and asks for the supplies she needs. Ron is almost attacked by a Wolf, but Carl shoots him (the guy, not Ron). The guy acts all feeble, but when Carl gets closer, he tries to grab Carl’s gun. Bad move because Carl is a serious badass and finishes him off. A Wolf gets into Jessie’s house and knocks her down, but not out. Jessie stabs the sh*t out of her with a pair of scissors as Ron walks in. If he’s not traumatized for life and beyond by now, he never will be.

A Wolf, who obviously knows Gabriel, tries to kill him, but Morgan intervenes. Carol gets to the armory and grabs as many weapons as she can. She also finds Lydia hiding in a closet and tells her to arm herself. Just as the dude who knows Gabriel is about to explain things, Carol shoots him in the head. Thanks, Carol, since it might have been a good idea to find out what’s going on.

Some Wolfs surround Morgan and he fends every one of them off with a stick. I’d definitely want him on my team. He seems to understand more than he’s letting on. Certainly more than I do. He tells the remaining Wolf that if he keeps choosing this kind of life, he’ll end up dead, and the Wolf says he has no choice and takes off.

Commercial break. Into the Badlands looks awesome!

Carol sits on the steps, pondering a pack of cigarettes. I’m pondering if we’re ever going to find out what was up with that truckload of top-half zombies from last season. Aaron takes a pack of photos off the body of a Wolf and it looks like pictures of the Alexandria wall.

Holly flatlines. Tara tells Denise she tried, but Denise is pretty dejected. She wants everyone to leave, and Tara tells her not to forget to give Holly mercy. No, wait, that’s the other show. She tells Denise to make sure to stab Holly in the brain.

Now everyone is pondering what the blip just happened.

Enid has left Carl a note that says “just survive somehow.” JSS, which is coincidentally the name of tonight’s episode. Carol’s kitchen timer goes off and Carl takes the brownies out of the oven. Morgan seems to be on clean-up detail, and is finding straggling Wolfs who are now un-dead.  Oh no! Another Deliverance Guy is hiding and attacks Morgan He says “You can’t, can you? You should have.” Whatever that means. Apparently, he’s wrong about it though, and Morgan finishes him off. He does, however, apologize first.

Morgan and Carol pass like ships in the night. The streets are clear and quiet. Geez, Rick can’t leave these people alone for five minutes.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In

Teresa controls the Giudice family from the inside like a mob boss, but Joe is definitely stepping up as Mr. Mom.

Melissa picks up the kids for a girl’s day out, while the two Joes get together for a guy’s day. I don’t know if it’s going to be GTL (gym, tan, laundry), but it’s definitely G.  We see the girls getting mani/pedis, while the guys work out. Melissa tells Gia that if she needs a woman to talk to about anything, she’s there for her. In her individual interview, Melissa says that Gia is most like Teresa. She also says God never gives you more than you can handle. Although sometimes I wonder about that one. Joe and Joe give us TMI about what Joe is doing at night without Teresa. ♫ LA-LA-LA! ♫

Joe has had his license suspended for two years (this guy is really bad at breaking the law), and this is a real hassle right now. Teresa’s lawyer brings her diary. Teresa wants Joe to read it, and also the girls when they’re old enough. Teresa sounds like a real broad, breaking up prison fights and such. You go, girl! If you can’t beat the system, boss it around.

Teresa’s parents, along with Melissa and Joe Gorga, come by for Teresa’s phone call. I feel badly for her parents, who are probably mortified over this whole thing and no doubt want to throttle their son-in-law. Gia says Teresa actually looks better now.  I understand she’s gotten into yoga, so that’s probably a big factor. After the call, the family sits down to dinner and discusses plans for the 4th of July. Both Melissa and Joe Gorga have applied to be visitors at the prison, but apparently, this is a pretty long process. It’s taken Joe six months, and Melissa has yet to be approved. The thought crosses my mind that maybe Teresa doesn’t want her approved.

Teresa’s lawyer (who is getting a lot of air time) comes by to discuss Joe’s possible deportation. It seems outrageous. He’s lived here for 44 years and his parents are citizens for Pete’s sake.  He does say that Teresa and the girls would go with him should that happen. I know there are plenty of people who are like, good, but IMO, that would be tremendous overkill. The Giudices might be a pair of idiots, but I certainly don’t think they’re evil, and they probably didn’t do anything a million other people haven’t. Their real crime was getting caught.

This show should be subtitled “Teresa Checks In Repeatedly.” She says that there’s more drama in prison than on The Real Housewives. She also had to change up her gym routine because low flying planes kept coming by trying to take her picture. That is seriously crazy.

The family is going “down the shore” for the 4th. The girls go in Melissa’s car and the two Joes go together. Joe Gorga asks Joe Giudice if he thinks about the time when he has to take his turn in prison. He says he just doesn’t think about that stuff because it’s not happening yet. That’s one thing I admire about him and Teresa, their ability to not think about something. I will never have this talent as long as I live.

Gia is an amazingly mature kid. She seems more like a young adult than a moody teenager. Everybody is bugging her about future dating and she’s taking it in stride. Teresa checks in yet again while they’re at the shore house, but she gets cut off because her minutes ran out. A small discussion happens between Joe and the girls about daddy having to “go to work” when mommy gets home. While Gia has said that Milania knows what’s going on, Audriana is too young yet.

Milania makes some coffee for herself, but Joe says that’s a no. Teresa checks in one more time. The girls pass the phone down, each say a little something, and when it gets to Joe, Teresa asks him to take the phone into another room. Because Gia sent out a tweet for her, Teresa’s room got shaken down. They thought she might have a cell phone and they even checked in places that most people can’t put a cell phone. Thug life!

Joe’s gotten pretty good on his bicycle. Who knows? Maybe he’ll get in shape yet. He bikes over to Angelo’s, a restaurant managed by cousin Reno. Some guy, probably another cousin, talks about going to prison himself for running numbers or something. Joe says he had that opportunity, chose not to do it, but is still going to jail. Ah, the little ironies of life. Numbers Guy talks about what it’s like on the inside. He said the hard part for him was after he got out and came home to nothing. Oh Lord. He just said the old adage that whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Then how come I’m not dead or bench pressing 500 pounds? Angelo. The guy’s name is Angelo. I guess he owns the restaurant. You could probably yell, “Hey, Angelo!” in that restaurant and half the heads would turn.

The text at the end tells us that two months later, the shore house was repossessed.

I’m not what you would call a softie, but I feel sorry for this whole family. They ripped off a bank. Banks have been ripping us off for years. I honestly think they’re being made an example of because they’re reality “stars” and it just doesn’t seem right to me. They were certainly stupid, but if stupidity were a crime, we’d all be in the slammer. I hope Teresa makes a million bucks from her book just for spite.

Oct13

October 12, 2015 — From PC to the OC to the UK

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Dillon lays a kiss on Lulu, but she’s not having it. Nicholas lays a kiss on Hayden and she’s totally having it, and more, but just as they’re getting into it, she says she remembers something. Unless she’s remembering how good he is in bed, this might not go well.  Love Hayden’s highlights! So much better than the way too light ones she had as Greenlee on AMC that made her look like she had grey hair.

Sam and “Jake” are still teetering outside the window, but they’ve moved to a balcony. Hayden thinks Nicholas might have been threatening her in the memory that’s coming through. Nicholas says that yes, he was upset with her at some point and was going to throw her off the island (Island location confirmed! Now just tell me how they get there so fast.), but they “got past it” as they always did. Apparently getting past it means getting busy, which they’re just about to do, when the two stooges outside make some noise.

Dillon says he’s trying to protect Lulu from what Dante did with Valerie, but stops short of telling her everything. Speaking of which, how many people know about that? It seems like wherever Valerie goes, she’s discussing it with someone. Now she’s talking to Jordan about it.

Morgan is playing pool at The Floating Rib (which seems to be getting a lot of play these days), when Ava drops by. As usual, he’s acting like a jerk. Ava wants Avery to know her siblings and asks Morgan to put a lid on his animosity.

Nina wants to redecorate and Kiki gets weird about that, saying Nina is erasing all the memories of Silas. Maybe she shouldn’t live with them or keep her opinions to herself. Who wants to move into a dead guy’s place and not redecorate? This isn’t The Tenant. Kiki is also acting like a jerk, but she’s a lot more amusing. She wants to move out and take all of Silas’s stuff with her. I think that’s a great idea and so does Nina, but Franco doesn’t agree with us.

Lulu thinks Dillon is just making stuff up and gets really p.o.’d. She says she’s happy and he needs to back off.

Jordan has a talk with Dante. She points out that Dante is Valerie’s superior, which I hadn’t thought of before. If Valerie wanted to, she could create a problem for him at work. Valerie breaks into the conference and says after what happened with the pregnancy test, she’s sure there’s nothing between them anymore. Yeah, right.

Lulu tells Dante that Dillon kissed her. Valerie shows up at Dillon’s studio or wherever it is they’re filming, and wants a buddy to talk to, but when she doesn’t want a drink, Dillon thinks she is pregnant. Because that’s the only reason a woman wouldn’t want a drink.

Ava asks Morgan for help with Kiki. She sees that Kiki’s hate is eating her alive and she’s only harming herself. Ava thinks that maybe Morgan can get through to her. Why?

Nina tells Franco that she’s only been with one man, Silas. When he asks about Ric, she says she never even kissed him.

Sam thinks she has a sprained ankle, so “Jake” carries her down the castle wall like King Kong. Not really, but that would have been cool. He carries her inside and at this point, I have no idea what their proximity is to Nicholas and Hayden. Nicholas checks out on the balcony and says “Goliath,” Spencer’s favorite gargoyle, has fallen. Hayden suggests the prince’s castle is crumbling around him. Good job, “Jake” and Sam.

Commerical break. Why does the Little People Musical Dancing Palace only have one prince to three princesses?

Dante gets steamed about the Dillon/Lulu kiss, even though she says she didn’t really participate. I think he’s more concerned about what Dillon might have said about him and Valerie. Lulu says she told Dillon that the “just one kiss” was no big deal and she shouldn’t have gone so crazy over it. This just gets worse every second and I love it.

Kiki shows up at the bar, half tells off Morgan and Ava, and starts to get her drink on. She ends up throwing a drink in Ava’s face and the bartender cuts her off. She reaches over the bar for the vodka bottle and after a quick wrestle with the bartender, it drops and breaks. Kiki looks horrified at herself. The cops show up and arrest her. She’s doing pretty well playing a drunk, but once again the director went to the bathroom during the scene. No one tosses back a large vodka shot like it’s really water, even if it is.

Franco and Nina are about to put another man on her list when the phone rings. It’s Kiki’s phone, but it’s Morgan calling to tell Franco what’s happened.

Valerie ends up having a drink (thank you for making it look like a drink) with Dillon and they toast to their friendship and the people who they love who will never love them back. Even though Valerie feels nothing for Dante.

Hayden and Nicholas’s romantic moment has been interrupted by the gargoyle fall, and she says they’ve been moving too fast. She wants to recover mentally before they rekindle their relationship. She makes a few faces when she’s alone in the hallway that make me wonder if she remembers more than she’s saying.

“Jake” and Sam leave the room they’re in without even checking around. Maybe these two need new professions.

The Real Housewives of the OC

The show hasn’t even started yet, and Meghan is whining about husband Jim only being in the OC 50% of the time. She knew that when she married him. Did she forget? I wouldn’t be surprised. She says it’s a lot harder than she thought it would be and she doesn’t like it. Wah-wah.

Tamra is getting baptized. Good thing God accepts us as we are. Heather says she thinks Tamra is ready for a fresh start. Me too, but I don’t see much evidence of it. Tamra is talking about change and how everyone is going to see a new side of her. I’ll believe this when I see her walking the walk; talk is cheap. Cool. The mini choir is singing a song I know about the blood of Jesus (I sang in a Christian band for a couple of years) and they’re totally rocking it. Tamra says she found the Lord when she was going through her difficulties with her ex (who was a controlling creep), and now her mess is her message. I hope Tamra’s serious about this. After she gets dunked, the choir sings “Amazing Grace,” and everyone is all happy. This won’t last long.

I hate it with a passion when  someone changes what I’ve said to suit themselves. As much as I love Shannon, I think she has a listening problem. She’s afraid to see Vicki because she doesn’t want Vicki to call her “disgusting” again. Except Vicki never said that. She said Shannon’s remarks were disgusting. That’s two different things. Heaving huge sigh.

Commerical break. This is really weird. It’s an ad for the new Bradley Cooper movie, Burnt (which looks excellent), and they’re interspersing it with clips from the OC Wives. Why? Are they in it? Worst. Co-branding. Ever.

The food looks amazing! Geez, at my baptism, we just had cookies and coffee. Ha-ha! There’s a devil’s food and angel food cake. Vicki is avoiding the other women because she wants the day to be about Tamra and not have conflict. How long do you think this could possibly last? Some of the Wives from past seasons are there too. I agree with Vicki that she’s been more than a good friend to Shannon, and Shannon hasn’t exactly returned the favor.

These women just can’t seem to stop themselves from blabbing about Brooks. The latest story is that he claimed to call Heather’s husband, Terry, after his first chemo treatment, and Terry called a colleague to go help him. Terry says not so. Heather wonders how they could lie about something “so traceable,” and I do too. That’s the part I never get. You’d think if Brooks is a con man, he’d be better at it.

Commerical break. More coolness. Tootie from The Facts of Life is going to be on the next season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Move over, Nene. Oh, that’s right, you’re not there anymore. Are you doing anything now?

Vicki’s brother, Billy, is discussing Brooks with the women sans Vicki. Vicki claims she has another party to go to and wants to leave. Of course Heather is trying to stop her and brings up the Terry story. Vicki tells her she doesn’t have a clue about it. Shannon is going on and on about how Vicki asked her for help, but then didn’t take it. Shannon doesn’t seem to get it. When a friend tells you to stop talking about something, you should stop talking about it. I have a friend who is very sweet, but has the emotional level of a 10-year-old. When you ask him not to bring something up, it’s all he can talk about, and it reminds me of this bunch. Oooh, snap! Billy’s girlfriend, Ronda, says something about how Vicki didn’t ask Shannon for records about her husband cheating. Shannon claims Vicki must have put her up to it. Highly doubtful. She’s just defending her boyfriend’s sister.

Shannon goes apesh*t on Vicki. Maybe Ronda shouldn’t have said anything, but I don’t think it’s out of line for Vicki to have told her brother and Ronda, especially since by then, everyone else knew. Vicki says Shannon was pushing and pushing, and got what she deserved. Poor Vicki just wants to get out of there, but Tamra and the pastor hunt her down like a dog and want her to talk it out with Shannon. Everyone seems to have forgotten too, that Vicki’s mother recently passed away and she’s still depressed about it. IMO, these aren’t friends. Shannon confronts Vicki, and Vicki reminds her about the first season, when Shannon was somewhat ostracized and Vicki stuck by her.

Heather just said you can’t talk about someone’s business without their permission; it’s not cool. Um….

Tamra follows Vicki to the limo and tells her about Meghan calling the imaging place about the PET scan and they claimed not to do those there. It’s funny how these women claim they don’t want drama, yet they’re the ones who bring it on all the time. Funny too, how Heather says Shannon’s accident with the colonic wouldn’t happen to her. Maybe not, but she is the one who bled all over the place at Tamra’s last party because she had leeches duct taped to her stomach. At that point, she lost about 50% of her credibility with me.

This was the finale, so they had the little blurbs at the end about what everyone is doing now. Brooks and Vicki broke up (again), but I already knew that. Meghan went on and on about living by the truth and I gagged. Shannon lost 15 pounds and Brooks wants to see the records, which is pretty funny. The rest was just mundane stuff, but Heather, who was last, talked about how they really love Vicki and all this forgive and move on stuff. Here’s how I’ve felt about this season. I don’t know if Brooks is lying, although I can think of legitimate reasons for everything they’ve questioned. I took a look at the imaging place online too, and it says they do PET scans. (I’m not the only one who did this either, so at least I don’t feel alone in my ridiculousness.) If they really did tell Meghan (we never see any “records” of the snooping she’s done either) that they’d send you to the hospital, it’s possible they do the imaging, but use the hospital’s facility. But I don’t think whether he’s lying or not really matters. What matters is that, for caring friends, they didn’t handle this well. Maybe none of them have lost a parent they were close to, but I have and I know what Vicki is going through. I highly doubt she’d participate in a lie, and if she’s just being delusional, maybe she needs that right now, so leave her the blip alone. They should have been supportive and understanding and just stopped talking about it. Instead, they were relentless in their quest to prove Brooks a liar and overwhelmed her even more than she was already.

The reunion ought to be a good one.

Ladies of London

Marissa is meeting Annabelle. She’s brought some hats with her restaurant logo and wants Annabelle’s advice. I just don’t like Marissa. Something about her doesn’t sit well with me. She seems kind of phony. Like how she just went on about how their friendship is “organic,” and in the next breath, gushes about how Annabelle is a super famous fashion model. I wouldn’t know. I get the feeling she’s a sycophant.

Caroline #1’s business is not doing well. She’s got a balloon payment coming up on her store loan, due on the 31st, less than a month away. It sounds like she might have to fire people, which, unless you’re a really nasty human being, nobody wants to do. For all her stoicism and sarcasm, I think she’s a softy underneath in a lot of ways. She also has friends coming in from America. A famous gay football player, but I didn’t catch his name (Michael something or other) and I know nothing about football, only vaguely remembering when he came out. His partner and kids are with him. The last thing Caroline #1 wants to do is entertain, but it’s their first time in the UK and she feels obligated.

Annabelle is writing her fourth children’s book. Each one is about a different characteristic – Angry Me, Messy Me, and Dreamy Me. They look very cute and beneficial to kids.

Julie is going to her husband’s cousin’s estate because she wants to learn how to run her husband’s family home, Mapperton. He’s the Earl of Sandwich (I’m not kidding) and like billionth in line for the throne. The upkeep for an estate is very expensive, and some people have tours or rent the place out for weddings and such to get capital.

Caroline #1 takes her guests on a field trip – a bus tour of London. The bus looks like a ship. That’s different.  Oh wow! It really goes on the water. I’ve never seen anything like it. I want one.

The Baroness (Caroline #2) meets with Julie and Annabelle for lunch, where they discuss Juliet. The Baroness wants to help Juliet connect with her feelings or something, and Julie says good luck with that. The Baroness invites Juliet over to cook dinner together. It turns out she’s written a few cookbooks. Juliet gets the Baroness’s point that if she talked less and reacted less, people would have less to talk about.

The ladies are going bowling. Juliet says the Midwest and bowling go hand in hand. I dunno. I was never very good at bowling and thought it was kind of boring. I think my high score was a 68. Juliet has gotten them all bowling shirts – I do love a bowling shirt – with their nicknames on them. She also passes out wigs, but I don’t know what’s up with that. Joan Collins Sophie thinks bowling is fun. I feel out of this loop. Okay, they bring out the champagne and that I’m down with.

Uh-oh, Marissa makes a stupid remark about “lock up your children” in regard to the Baroness, who is dating a 30-year-old. Marissa also says he’s a bit of a d-bag in her individual interview. Oh man, she said the Baroness likes little boys. Is she drunk? Caroline #1 says that it’s really uncool to cross the Baroness. Good. Because I like the Baroness and I don’t like Marissa.

Julie and Juliet make up. Caroline #1 says Juliet is like an annoying sister and Julie says that there’s something weird about her that she likes. I like her too. She’s emotional, but fun.

Looks like there will be a sit down with Marissa and the Baroness next week.

Oct12

October 11, 2015 — Once Upon the Dead in New Jersey

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

The dwarfs, who are really just short guys with names like Leroy, are whistling while they work and Dark Emma steals one of their pickaxes. They report it at the police department where Prince Charming, otherwise known as David, works as sheriff.  King Arthur arrives next. Apparently his magic beans have gone missing.

Dark Emma tries to remove Excalibur from the stone by hitting it with the ax, which sounds more ridiculous than the previous paragraph. Of course it doesn’t work and Rumpelstiltskin has to explain things to her all over again.

Back in Camelot, Regina is working on some magic to release Merlin, the Wicked Witch of the West is working on being an annoyance, and Prince Charming is checking out the round table. Contrary to the original Camelot story, King Arthur got back together with Guinevere after the Lancelot scandal. David tells him that he and Snow had met Lancelot, but alas, Lance is dead. A page delivers a chest with “the eternal flame” in it, but in Storybrook, the chest has been pilfered. Captain Hook and Robin Hood are chatting in the diner. When Hook’s takeout order comes, there’s a note from Dark Emma attached to it, asking him to meet her on his ship.

Magic comes in handy, as Dark Emma sets the table for lunch in under a second. She also makes herself appear like Good Emma, so Hook is more comfortable. She tells him he can trust her, which really means he’d better keep his mouth shut about everything.

The prince and the king go to Rumpel’s pawn shop where Belle is behind the desk. Rumpel is ill and she needs one more thing for a healing spell. The prince buys a chalice left over from Doc’s birthday party and passes it off as the Chalice of Something-or-Other to the Camelot people who are stuck in Storybrook. He tells them if they drink from it, it will reveal the thief. A guy In a Red Riding Hood cape takes off like a rocket. In the real Camelot, it makes me think of Monty Python again when the prince and king have a sword fight with a couple of phantom knights.

Dark Emma says “trust me” to Hook again, so you know now he definitely shouldn’t trust her. She claims she’s a better Emma now and wants to move forward with their relationship. Hook isn’t having any, and wants to know what it is she’s really after. Dark Emma disappears, poof! in a puff of dark smoke.

David and Arthur catch up to the thief, who claims there were no magic beans in the chest. They do find a magic mushroom (no, not that kind) that Regina thinks can help Merlin. In the real Camelot, David is knighted by Arthur and given Lancelot’s old chair. It has something hanging off of it that looks like this thing we had to wear over our robes at my high school graduation. Whoops! Lancelot isn’t dead after all and approaches Snow on the castle porch. He tells her there’s a villain in town, and Snow thinks he’s talking about Dark Emma, but he tells her it’s Arthur.

Commercial break. Why does there have to be so much good TV? Blood & Oil looks great, but it’s on during The Walking Dead time slot.

Guinevere, dazzling in an incredible dress and jewelry, ponders the magic mushroom with Arthur. In Storybrook, the thief is in jail, but it turns out he was working for Arthur and there were never any magic beans. Arthur made It up to get his people stuck in Storybrook, to trust him. Although I don’t know how that was supposed to work. He gives the thief some poison to drink because he’s afraid the non-magic beans will be spilled. He says it’s for the greater good, the thief drinks it, and poof! he disappears in a puff of green smoke.

Storybrook Rumpel has vanished and is with Fantasyland Rumple and Dark Emma. She tells him he’s not dark or light; he’s nothing. Ouch! Because his heart is a “blank slate,” she says he’ll be useful and she has a job for him. I don’t suppose it’s pulling out Excalibur either.

The Walking Dead

While I’m glad to see this show back again, it’s really good of them to make it an hour and a half tonight, so that it messes up my schedule.

When we last left Rick and company, they were in Alexandria and Rick was going bonkers after questionably shooting one of the residents. Outside of the town, a zombie horde is growing in a canyon. Some of the zombies are looking mighty raggedy since they’ve been wandering around for six seasons now.

Daryl!

Morgan admits he was an idiot and that Rick was right. Rick, Daryl and Morgan make a plan to take care of the zombie horde. Apparently, in order to confuse me, half of this episode is in flashbacks and also in black and white. I thought there was something wrong with my TV.

Of all people, Eugene is guarding the gate at Alexandria. Oh, okay, he’s doing it while the real guard is taking a pee or something. A guy named Heath shows up with a group of people and says they live in Alexandria, but they’ve been away on a run. Morgan and Rick are burying the guy Rick shot last season in the woods when they get a load of the zombie horde from the top of a cliff. It’s a seriously freaking huge amount of zombies. Ron (the son of the guy they’re burying) followed them and is being chased by some zombies. Just as he’s about to run off the cliff, Rick shoves him aside and in an uncharacteristically funny moment, the zombies who were chasing him keep going and fall off the cliff. Rick tells Morgan that the reason Alexandria doesn’t have too many zombies showing up is because they’re all in this canyon.

Glenn (who looks like he had a nose job) and Heath go with another guy to a tractor supply place where there are a bunch of zombies inside

Commercial break. OMG, it’s Obrecht from GH in an ad for…I don’t know what. Dammit! The one commercial I want to see again and they’ll probably never rerun it. This was followed by the best anti-smoking commercial yet, focused on the monetary expense. I guess Better Call Saul got renewed too. I kind of lost track of it after the first few episodes, but it was a lot better, and funnier, than I expected it to be.

There’s a big meeting about how they’re going to deal with the zombies. I guess Rick is in charge now because Deanna keeps saying he’s right about everything. Father Gabriel offers to help and Rick be like, no way, padre. That gets my vote too. That guy cannot be trusted. I don’t trust Carter either, who questions everything Rick says.

Daryl leads the horde to where there’s a makeshift wall made out of metal. Maybe they won’t have to do anything since the zombies are banging their own heads against it and stepping all over each other. Kind of like Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I guess the black and white thing is to differentiate between the flashbacks and what’s happening now. I would have titled this episode “We’re Not in Kansas Anymore,” but it’s titled “First Time Again.”

Glenn, Heath and Other Guy kill all the zombies at the tractor place. Abraham, in a car with Sasha, notices some walkers who are off track and jumps out to point them in the right direction. He’s covered with blood when he gets back in the car, talking about the possibility of brains getting in his ear, and I’m wondering if he’s going to be the “surprise” guest on The Talking Dead.

Rick tells Deanna that they need to train and arm everyone inside Alexandria. I think they’d better train someone in the art of bullet making before they run out. It’s not like they can drive over to Walmart.

Carter is making plans to get rid of Rick, and Eugene overhears him. Carter is thisclose to shooting Eugene, but Rick comes in just in time. He spares Carter after giving him a mini lecture. Rick tells Morgan he wanted to kill Carter, but figures Carter is stupid enough to get killed on his own.

And he’s right! Carter gets bit in the face when he veers from the zombie horde plan. Now I figure he’s the surprise guest. Rick also gets his wish, and breaks Carter’s neck. Shouldn’t somebody shoot him in the head?

Commercial break. They showed another installment of the Obrecht ad. It’s a web series companion to Fear the Walking Dead called Flight 462. I’ll have to check that out. Jurassic World is also coming out on blue ray. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. Just make sure to forget anything you know about real dinosaurs or science while you’re watching it.

WTF? Something that sounds like a fog horn is going off and the zombies are changing course. Carter is dead, so what idiot is doing this? Gabriel? It wouldn’t be the first time someone named Gabriel blew a horn. Ha-ha! Great. Ten billion zombies are now headed to Alexandria.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

This episode revolves around the Guidice family and how they’re coping with Teresa in prison. Joe’s father has passed away and Gia, who is turning out to be a beautiful young lady, has a big dance coming up. The latter might not seem like a huge deal, but it’s one of those times where she’s going to miss her mom.

Teresa gets 300 minutes a month for phone calls, but can send unlimited emails. The inmates don’t have access to the internet, so I’m guessing it must go into a “waiting to be sent” file until it can be approved.

During one of Teresa’s phone calls home, her parents are there as well. I wonder how hard it is for them not to wring Joe’s neck. It’s tough for Gia to talk to her mom without crying and this upsets her grandfather greatly. The whole thing is really sad. I know Joe and Teresa aren’t the brightest or nicest bulbs in the box, and they did commit a crime (although I roll my eyes at the level of it), but I honestly think the judge wanted to make an example out of them because they’re C-list celebrities. That rubs me the wrong way. After spending so many years with them too, I feel the same way I’d feel about annoying cousins that you have to invite to Thanksgiving. You love them, but at a distance.

The youngest daughter was told that Teresa is working, which Gia says isn’t totally a lie because she’s keeping a diary that she’ll turn into a book later. I’ll definitely want to read that. What’s really funny is that Teresa is still running the show at home by giving everyone instructions. I hope she realizes that, although she doesn’t get any preferential treatment, the prison in Danbury isn’t considered all that bad. I have a friend who’s been in federal prison in New Jersey, and it’s a nasty place to be.

Joe says something about how it’s part of a father’s job to embarrass their teenage daughter and that reminds me of my father. Don’t get me wrong, he was the greatest man on the planet, but if I let him know something was embarrassing, he’d work harder at it.

Gia looks absolutely gorgeous and has almost ruined her makeup ten times because she wants to cry.

Joe and his brother visit their father’s grave site and it makes me want to cry. Despite Joe being an idiot, I know what he’s feeling.

Rosie comes over! I love Rosie. They joke about Joe getting a boyfriend in prison, but that’s not really very funny. He’s only allowed to visit Teresa every other weekend because he’s a felon. She’ll be getting out before Christmas and in March it’s his turn. Joe and Rosie laugh a lot, and I have to hand it to Joe for being able to laugh at all.

Next it’s Gia’s graduation from 8th grade and a family party afterward. In her individual interview, Melissa talks about the stupid fights they’ve all had and how this has brought them all closer together as a family. Joe Gorga says pretty much the same thing, but also that it’s humbled Joe Guidice. I think so too.

Aww, Joe sleeps on the couch because he doesn’t want to be in the bed without her.

In the preview for next week, the subject of Joe’s possible deportation comes up. I hope that doesn’t happen. It just wouldn’t be right. It’s not like he’s a serial killer and his children are American citizens. It would be awful for them to either lose their father or be forced to leave their mother country.