What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Carly gets to her office, and finds a Valentine’s Day card that Donna and Avery made. There’s a knock at the office door, and Carly calls for them to come in. A woman introduces herself as Rebecca Diamond, Esquire, and says she’s there to discuss Carly’s divorce.

At the hospital, Nina sees Britt, who seems engrossed in a file. Nina says she takes it Britt has heard, and Britt says, that Sonny and Carly’s marriage broke up? Who hasn’t? So tell her, how did Nina do it?

Alexis finds a man standing in her office, and she asks if she can help him. He says, they’ve met; he’s one of her freelancers. She says, Smalt, right? and he says, she remembered. He sent her a bunch of pictures, but didn’t hear back. She tells him to check his email, and he takes out his phone to check. He says she didn’t take any of them, and she says, no, and here’s why. They’ve declared a moratorium on aliens in government, on severed heads in carry-ons, and that sort of thing. He says, not a problem. He’s there because he has a scoop. She says, crop circle? and he says, no. Classic noire love triangle, the mafiosi and high fashion worlds collide as Nina Reeves invades the marriage of Sonny and Carly Corinthos. Boom!

At the MetroCourt, Michael asks if something is on Willow’s mind, and she says, the Louvre, the Eiffel Tower, and the Arche de Triomphe. He says, they’ll get to Paris, even if he has to smuggle her, and she says, he might have to if she still doesn’t have a passport. He says, maybe they can get an update, when Harmony comes by. She says she’d love to stop and chat, but she’s in a hurry. Michael asks if she can’t spare a few minutes for her daughter, and she says she wishes she could, but she’s busy. Willow says, they’re all busy, but how hard is it to track down your daughter’s birth certificate?

Felicia goes to Mac’s hospital room, and says, look who’s awake. He seems to be doing better. He says he’ll be glad to get back to work, tracking Peter and finding their granddaughter, and Felicia says, Epiphany… Epiphany says, no, and Felicia tells Mac, she said no. Epiphany says she’ll be back, and tells Felicia to make sure Mac stays in this bed. Felicia gives her a thumbs up, and Epiphany leaves. Mac asks if Felicia has heard anything. Have they found Peter yet? She sits on the bed, and says, Peter’s still on the loose. She takes his hand, and says, and he’s taken a hostage. He says, please tell him it’s not anyone he knows.

Brook plays with Louise, and says, looking at her, you’d never know everything she’s been through. First, her psycho father kidnaps her right out from under them, then drops her at the firehouse, and gets away with Maxie. Chase says, they have to assume Maxie convinced Peter to leave Bailey behind, and agreed to go in her place. She says she’s just glad Felicia and Mac entrusted them with Bailey for the last two nights, but now that Mac’s on the mend… He says, they always knew they were just a placeholder until Maxie could be with her daughter again. Brook says, first they have to find her. What if Maxie’s gone for good?

On the phone, Victor says, they need to find Peter, so the authorities never do. Understood? And he’ll expect a progress report, which means he expects some progress. There’s a knock at his door, and he opens it to Austin, who says, where is she? Victor says he’s sorry, he’s rather busy at the moment, and tries to close the door, but Austin grabs Victor by the collar and pushes his way in. He says he’s asking one more time. Where did Victor’s pal Peter take Maxie?

Harmony promises she’s doing everything she can, and Willow asks, what’s the hold up? Harmony says, it’s like going to the DMV times a thousand, trying to get something from the Hall of Records, and they moved state to state, so… Willow says, maybe this will help. She looked into it herself. She contacted all the hospitals in Claiborne County, but there was no record of any birth certificate. Michael says he contacted somebody at the State Department, and they’re going to do a global search, and Harmony says she has to get to her appointment; she’s late already. Willow asks if she could just give them the name of the doctor, but Harmony is already gone. Willow says she can’t believe it’s this hard to track down her birth certificate, and Michael wonders if her mom is even looking for it. Willow says, he doesn’t believe her? and Michael says, does she?

Rebecca sets up a recorder, and Carly says, she’s recording this? Rebecca says, it prevents misunderstandings. It also helps her keep thorough track of her clients’ wish list. Carly says, wish list? and Rebecca says, houses, jewelry, other valuables, a portion of the portfolio, other assets which may be offshore, and of course (🍷) the children. Carly says she thought she made herself perfectly clear on the phone. She invited Rebecca here to discuss her options. Rebecca asks if that’s Carly’s polite way of saying she’s not ready to divorce her husband.

Britt tells Nina, last night she was at The Savoy, when Carly shows up, dressed to kill, her bestie Felix on her arm, and no ring on her left hand. Nina says, she already took off her ring? and Britt says, point being, she’s trying to get over Sonny. Nina says that’s not why she came looking for Britt, and Britt says, no? She has to get back to work. Nina says, Britt probably knows that Maxie’s baby was found, but Maxie is still missing. The police think that Peter took her hostage. Britt knows Peter. Does she have any idea where Maxie and Peter could be?

Smalt tells Alexis, he has it on good authority that the don of the eastern seaboard flew the missus to Martinique, where he played musical beds with the editor of Crimson. She says, A, he got his facts wrong, and B, they would never be able to do a story like that, because C, they’d get their butts sued. So she’s going to have to pass on that little gem too. He says, fine. He’ll just sell the story somewhere else. She says, good. She hopes they pay him a lot of money. He stomps out, passing Harmony in the doorway. Harmony says, he didn’t seem happy, and Alexis says, changing the perception of The Invader’s not as easy as it looks. Harmony says, sometimes the past is impossible to shake, and Alexis says she guesses they’re not talking about The Invader anymore.

Brook tells Chase, after everything Maxie did to keep this baby safe, she still had to let her go. For the life of her, she doesn’t know how Maxie did it. He says, because Maxie loved her little girl that much, and she says, they’ll have to love her enough to do the same. The doorbell rings, and Brook hands Louise to Chase. She opens the door to Ned and Olivia, and asks if everything is okay. Ned says they just came by to say hello to their soon-to-be former granddaughter. Brook says, of course (🍷), and invites them in. Ned says, there she is, and takes Louise from Chase. Olivia tells Brook, if feels more like a goodbye to her, and Ned fusses over Louise.

Victor asks what makes Austin think he knows where Peter is, and Austin says, Victor played him for information. He found out where Maxie’s baby was, and fed that information to Peter. Victor asks if Austin is accusing him of endangering a child, and Austin asks what he got in return. What’s the price on an innocent human life? Victor says Austin has a melodramatic way of asking a question, but he doesn’t have a shred of proof. Austin says, he doesn’t need proof; he’s not the police. Maxie’s gone. Peter has her. Tell him where she is. Victor says, or what? Remember, he took an oath to do no harm. Austin says he did; he took that vow. The problem is – he grabs Victor by the tie, and takes out a syringe – Victor isn’t his patient. Obrecht comes in and says, she’d put the syringe away if she were him, and Austin says, why would he do that? We see Obrecht is holding a gun, and she says, because he’s displeasing her good friend. Austin says, this manicured weasel knows where Maxie is. She brought a gun; go ahead and shoot him. Victor says, it wouldn’t be the first time, and Austin says, she shoots Victor, he’ll patch him up. How about that? She asks why she needs Austin when she can do both, backwards and in heels. Put the syringe away, or she’ll shoot him, and leave him to bleed out. (Perhaps a nod to Franco?) Victor suggests she do it anyway, and Austin caps the syringe, putting it in his pocket. Victor says, dear Liesl. He knows he can always count on her. Austin says he doesn’t know why she’s giving Victor a pass. She doesn’t care about Maxie? She says, if it wasn’t for Austin, Maxie would be safe and sound. Hasn’t he done enough, or does he want to make things worse? So by all means, stay. Victor says he believes Austin knows the way out, and Austin says he’ll reunite Maxie with her child, and Victor and Peter are going to share a cell. Austin leaves, and Victor hopes his bedside manner is better than that. Obrecht says she doesn’t know; she wasn’t listening. He says she came to his rescue. How can he ever repay her? He strokes her cheek.

Mac says he has to get out of here, and starts to get up, but Felicia says, no, holding him back. She says he has to stay in his bed, and Epiphany appears, and says, leave that bed too soon, and he risks a setback, maybe a fatal one. Then the bad guys win. Is that what he wants? He says, what he wants, is to get his daughter back, and Epiphany asks how he’s going to do that, staggering around and bleeding all over the place? Lie there and let his body heal, and she’ll let him know when he can go. Got it? He says, got it, and Felicia thanks Epiphany, and says she can take it from here. Epiphany tells her, good luck, and leaves. Mac shouts that he hates that he’s stuck in here, and Felicia says, maybe some good news will help. He says, please, lay it on him, and she says, their granddaughter Louise is alive and well.

Olivia holds out her arms, and tells Louise to come to her Grandma Olivia… She’s sorry; her Aunt Olivia. She takes Louise from Ned, and says, and her Uncle Ned. Olivia fusses over Louise, and Ned asks how Brook is doing all this. She says, it’s hard, but it really is for the best. Now she and Chase can go back to living their lives. They didn’t set out to be parents. Can he imagine the two of them at the PTA? Olivia says, she can imagine it real easily actually, and Ned says, he can too. He told Brook how proud he is of her for taking responsibility for this beautiful little girl, but there’s something else that still needs to be said. He had Chase wrong; dead wrong.

Harmony tells Alexis, she just ran into Michael and Willow, and Willow can’t understand why she can’t produce her birth certificate. Alexis says, here’s a really crazy thought. Why doesn’t Harmony tell the truth? Harmony says, that she forged it? and Alexis says, no, that she was lost, and she moved into this community, and the community didn’t trust the government, and so on. She’s sure Willow would understand that. Harmony says, maybe, but it still doesn’t give her what she needs; proof of birth so she can get a passport. Alexis says, speaking of which, she did speak to her colleague friend Diane, and she confirmed what Alexis suspected. There really is no avenue that will allow her to substitute a fake for Willow’s real birth certificate. Harmony says, she means no legal avenue.

Michael agrees, how hard could it be track down a birth certificate? and Willow says, here’s hoping his contact at the State Department can track it down. He says, he hopes so too, but it doesn’t change the fact that her mom’s been avoiding her. What’s the mystery? What is she so afraid of?

Carly tells Rebecca, her marriage is over and she’s ready to move on. What she doesn’t want, is to start a war. She’s not looking for a wish list or petty revenge. She wants this over as quickly and as painlessly as possible. Rebecca says, if Carly wants to expedite this, she needs to tell her everything. Unsanitized, unvarnished, unabridged. Every gory detail.

Britt tells Nina, she and Peter barely know each other, but she wishes she’d known he was an unstable psychopath. She would have warned Maxie. But then they wouldn’t have Bailey… or rather, Louise. Nina says, her heart just breaks for Maxie; just when she thought she could reclaim her daughter. But what she can’t figure out is how did Peter find out Bailey wasn’t Brook’s baby, but his and Maxie’s daughter? Britt says, who knew what Maxie and Brook were up to? and Nina says, she knew early on, but she’d rather die than tell Peter that information. She almost did. Britt says, someone else was not so discreet. Someone who had something to gain. Like Victor Cassadine. Nina says she doesn’t know about that. If Britt is right, and Victor told Peter, who told Victor? Austin comes by, and Britt says, speak of the devil.

Obrecht tells Victor, she remembers his affections fondly, but alas, she’s spoken for. Victor has no doubt Scotty offers her an amusing distraction, but so does an accordion if you’re in the mood. She says, he should know by now, he’ll score no points with her in disparaging Scotty, and he asks how he can score points with her. She says, by stripping down… He says, yes? and she says, and revealing… He says, and? and she says, your humanity. He asks if that’s what they’re calling it these days, and she says, deny it if he wants, but beneath his glib acerbic banter, and his world-weary savoir faire, he’s devoted to his own flesh and blood. He says, almost to a fault, and she says, then he must know how much Maxie’s disappearance pains everyone who considers her family. He says he hates seeing her in pain, and asks if there’s something he can do. She says, there is. If she ever meant anything to him, he’ll help her find Maxie. He says he knows what she’s doing, and she asks if it’s working. He asks what she thinks. His heart is pounding; feel it. He puts her hand on his chest, and she says, like a timpani solo at the Berlin Philharmonic, and he says, she knows how much he loves Philharmonic percussion. She says, then he’ll help her? and he says, that depends – he kisses her hand – on what’s in it for him.

Chase says, if he’s ever lucky enough to have a daughter of his own, he hopes he can stand by her like Ned stood by Brook. Olivia tells Brook that Chase likes her, and Brook says, he likes Bailey. She was just part of the package. Ned says, okay, his turn again, and Olivia hands off Louise. Ned sits down with her, and tells Louise, wherever she goes in life, no matter where she goes, she’ll always, always be a part of their family. Olivia says, she really is a miracle. She was born in the woods, she was rescued from a firehouse, and managed to bring out the best in every person around her. Ned says, even if they couldn’t see it at first, she showed them what was always there all along. Brook says, that makes her the biggest miracle of all.

Harmony asks Alexis if there’s a way around this or past it, and Alexis says, there is. Harmony admits she made a mistake, and let Diane negotiate on her behalf to keep her from being incriminated, and she and Willow generate a legal document that will certify her birth. Harmony says, right, and Alexis says, unless of course (🍷) Harmony doesn’t want her birth certified for some reason. She thanks Alexis, and says she knows Alexis is trying to help, but she can’t do this. Alexis says, Harmony sounds like her, when Harmony was trying to help her not drink, and she resisted. So why won’t she let Alexis return the favor?

Willow says her mother has constantly put her trust in the wrong people, and Michael says, Shiloh and Cyrus Renault; how could he forget? Willow says, she was taught to distrust everyone, even the government. Michael, on the other hand, has contacts in the State Department and the FCC. He contacts District Attorneys in other states directly. Not everyone can do that. He says, but he doesn’t think it’s unreasonable to expect transparency when it comes to something so straightforward as a birth certificate. She says, straightforward to him, but he’s always had a stable loving family – two stable loving families, that he knows he can count on. He says, loving maybe, but stable, he doesn’t know about that. Not anymore anyway.

Carly tells Rebecca, so at Sonny’s insistence, she showed up at the Haunted Star for a romantic evening, but instead of being in the stateroom waiting for her, he was in bed with Nina Reeves. Rebecca stops the recording, and tells Carly that she’s just said enough to take Sonny to the cleaners. Carly says, which is not her objective, and Rebecca says, she gets it; Carly isn’t after Sonny’s money. In regards to building a case, she wishes Carly had consulted her before moving out, but finding Sonny in the sack with the woman who kept his existence a secret more than makes up for it. Carly’s just gotten a lot off her chest here. Maybe she wants to press erase, and it all ends now, which is certainly an option. Or they just leave it here, in case she needs to use it. Carly says, Sonny’s a fighter. If she uses what’s on that recorder… Rebecca says, he’ll hit her? and Carly says, physically? No, but if she puts him on the defensive, Sonny’s going to make this divorce very ugly, which she said over and over again, she doesn’t want. Rebecca says, let him do his worst. Carly has the secret weapon. Carly asks, what’s that? and Rebecca says, Sonny himself. Let’s be honest. Her husband has a reputation. Carly says she knows that, but there are also children involved; children who love him very much. Rebecca says, that’s the beautiful part. They don’t have to make a single negative allegation, because any judge sitting on that bench, knows the name Sonny Corinthos, and will be predisposed to rule in Carly’s favor. Carly says, she means, they couldn’t get Sonny for an alleged crime, so they want to use her to punish him. Rebecca says, they got Al Capone on tax evasion, right? So you add on some lies, some infidelity, and other things a great P.I. can dig up, and she’s pretty certain she can get Carly sole custody of her minor child. Carly said her name was Donna? How does that sound?

Willow says, growing up, her life was so messed up and bizarre, when she got to know Michael’s family, she kind of idealized them. Maybe to the point of overlooking her own mother. She doesn’t always give her mother the credit she deserves for turning her life around. Michael says, even he has to admit, she’s doing her best, and Willow says, and she’s been respecting their boundaries; not coming around all the time, not arranging surprise visits in public places. He asks if she’s saying they should cut Harmony some slack, and she says, some slack. What are the odds that out of all of Wiley’s grandmothers at this point, her mom might be the most drama free?

Harmony thanks Alexis for trying, but… Alexis says, but what? Harmony asked her to help, then won’t accept her help, and she doesn’t know why. So why? Is she ashamed? Is she ashamed of her past? Because Alexis stabbed a cop in the chest with a syringe on a vodka-fueled rage, and the only excuse she had was, she was aiming for someone else. Harmony says, what she went to prison for was a helluva lot worse. She’s sure Kristina would agree. Alexis says, that’s a good point. Forging a birth certificate is not nearly as bad as what Harmony actually went to prison for. She tells Harmony, listen. She found a support system in her daughters, and she thinks Harmony is underestimating hers. From everything she knows about Willow, she is open-minded, she’s fair, she’s kind, she’s compassionate, and if Harmony would just tell her the truth, she’s sure Willow would understand. Harmony says, but she won’t, and turns to go. Alexis says, whatever it is she’s running away from, it will catch up to her. And then what?

Felicia shows Mac her phone, and says, this was taken just when Anna and Chase found her at the firehouse. As he can see, Louise is happy and healthy. He says, thank God, and Brook and Chase have been looking after her the whole time. Felicia says, and they’re bringing her here today. That will give Mac a chance to see for himself that their granddaughter inherited Maxie’s survival gene. He says, then they get to take her home? and she says, they do. He says, their newest granddaughter, under their roof with her brother and sister, and they get to spoil her rotten. She says, that’s a tall order. She’s been living with the Quartermaines all this time. He says, they’ll bring her back down to earth, and she says, that’s more like it. He says, they’ll give her everything she needs. Felicia says, all right, Commissioner, and he says, that’s Interim Commissioner to her. She says she sees he’s starting to get his old grumpy self back, and he says, he won’t be himself until Peter’s been caught, and Maxie has her daughter back in her arms again. She says, and that will be very, very soon.

Austin tells Nina that Britt is correct. It’s his fault that Victor figured out Maxie and Brook have been hiding Louise in plain sight. He starts to walk away, but Nina says she can’t believe he would give that information to Victor deliberately, and he says he didn’t. All he did was draw Victor a map with a great big X on it, and Victor figured out the rest on his own. Nina says, and then Victor gave that information to Peter, and Britt says, then Peter used that information to lure Maxie to him. Austin asks if they’ll just stop kicking him in the teeth. He’s done it enough to himself for the last couple of days. Nina says, she’s probably not in the best position to judge, because she could have told everyone Peter was alive and well when he showed up in Nixon Falls, but she kept her mouth shut. Britt says, not exactly. Nina did sic her mother on him. Nina says, that didn’t work, but Britt says, it didn’t work yet. Her mother is nothing if not persistent. She doesn’t relent; she adjusts and improvises. But Austin already knows that, doesn’t he?

Obrecht tells Victor that he’s incorrigible, but alas, her affections are off the table because she’s a one man woman. He says, how convenient; he’s only one man. She asks if he’ll help her for old time’s sake, but he says he needs more. She says, fine. If he helps her, it will enrage Peter, and they can both revel in the schadenfreude of it all, and he says, now she’s talking. He hates to see her suffer over Maxie, but he wouldn’t mind seeing Peter suffer because of her. She says she won’t be able to rest until Maxie’s home again, reunited with her beautiful little child. Victor says, the thing is, he has a long memory. He hasn’t forgotten all the times she’s hurt him, and she says, any more than she’s forgotten the times he’s kidnapped, tormented, and nearly killed her and the people she cares about, while aiding and abetting her enemies. He says she makes a fair point, and she says, please, for whatever good there was between them. He says he can’t promise, but he’ll do what he can. She says she knew she could count on him, and moves closer as if she’s about to kiss him, but suddenly grabs her coat and jets. In the hallway, she smiles.

Ned suggests they take a picture of the whole family, because dammit, that’s what they are. Chase volunteers to take it, but Olivia says he’s not getting out of things that easily, and pushes him behind the sofa. He says he’s not really family, and Ned says, he slept at Monica’s house. Olivia says, he got his heart broken there, and Brook says, and tried to get one Quartermaine to double-cross another. Olivia says, he’s part of the family, like it or not, and sits next to Ned and Louise, with Brook and Chase behind them. Olivia holds out her phone, and tells them, everyone say, we love you Bailey. They do, and she snaps the photo. Chase takes one of Ned and Olivia with Louise/Bailey, and we see one of Ned, Brook, and Louise, Chase with Louise, and Brook with Louise. Olivia says she wants to get one with Brook and Chase, and they pose for several shots.

Harmony says she’s the worst type of hypocrite, and Alexis says, if she really believes that, she should get out more. Harmony says she was doling out advice to Alexis about not letting her past define her, and here she is doing exactly that. Alexis says, yeah, well, they’re all hypocrites. She asks for help, and really doesn’t want it. She’d rather drown her sorrows in a bottle of booze, but they all make unhealthy choices. Let’s stop doing that, huh? How about you help me, I help you. That’s how friendship works. Harmony asks how she’s supposed to know that, and Alexis says she knows Harmony wants the past to be in the past for Willow’s sake, but if there’s more to this story than Harmony has told her, doesn’t she think it’s better Willow finds out from her than from someone else?

Michael says, all Willow’s mother did was misplace her birth certificate. Nina nearly blew up his parents’ marriage, and his dad seems just fine with that. She says, one more reason for them to expedite that passport and hop on a plane for Paris, far away from all this, and closer to each other. He kisses her, and his phone rings. He says, it’s his contact from the State Department. They may be one step closer to the Eiffel Tower.

Brook says she’s sorry to do this, but they’re on the clock. Ned asks if they can have five more minutes, but Chase says, unfortunately, Mac and Felicia are waiting, and Brook says, it will just make it harder. Olivia wishes she could say Brook was wrong, and hands Louise to Brook. He tells Louise that she will always have a home with them. Always. Olivia cries, and they leave.

Epiphany comes into Mac’s room, and says, sorry to disturb them, but the doctors ordered another test. He asks if they’re looking for a reason to keep him there, but she says, trust her. Nobody wants to keep him there longer than necessary. She asks how Felicia puts up with him, and Felicia says, on the bright side, he’s definitely feeling better. Mac says, there’s nothing wrong with him that seeing his granddaughter won’t cure, and Felicia says, they’re probably on their way right now. So as soon as he gets back from whatever this test is… He asks if they can’t take this test another time, but Epiphany says she’s afraid not. Now let’s get him out of this bed. No arguments. He says, yes, ma’am, and she helps him up.

Austin says he barely knows Britt’s mother, but Britt says, not true. She was there when Obrecht gave him hell for clearing the way for Peter to find Maxie’s baby. Nina says, Aunt Liesl knows? She hopes Austin’s affairs are in order. Britt tells him not to waste his time and energy on denials; hear her out. She strongly advises him not to engage in shenanigans or cahoots with her mother. He says, he’s not a shennaniganist and he’s not one to cahoot. Nina says, Britt is right; listen to her. With Aunt Liesl, there’s always collateral damage. Obrecht comes out of the elevator, and asks if either of them would mind if she borrows the good doctor.

Carly tells Rebecca that she and Sonny went through an ugly divorce years ago. They fought over their sons, Michael and Morgan. They hurt each other and hurt their children. She’s never making that mistake again. Rebecca says, that is very noble, and speaks volumes about Carly’s character; however, she has to ask. If she doesn’t want to punish Sonny, there are plenty of attorneys in this town who could get her out of her marriage with a shared custody agreement that Carly, on her nicest day, could call fair. So why turn to her? Carly flashes back to Nina saying that Carly wanted to hear that what happened between her and Sonny in Nixon Falls couldn’t happen again, but they both know it would be a lie, and Carly slapping her. Rebecca says, if Carly doesn’t want Sonny’s blood, what does she want?

Britt asks why Obrecht wants to borrow Austin. She thought Obrecht was furious with him. Obrecht says, of course (🍷) she was, but now they understand each other. Don’t we, Herr Doctor? She says, excuse them, and steers Austin away. Nina says, she and Britt warned him, and Britt says, speaking of warnings, didn’t anyone ever tell Nina that Carly is a bad enemy to have? Nina says, it’s been mentioned to her one or 853 times, and Britt tells her, she’s just saying, Nina did keep Carly’s husband hidden for close to a year, then turned around and slept with him. Nina says she’s confused, and asks whose side Britt is on. Britt says, hers; they’re family. And as family, she has to warn Nina. If Carly gets a chance, she’ll burn Nina’s life down. Nina thanks her for the heads up, and says, but it’s been a long time coming. If Carly wants a war, Nina will give her a war.

Carly tells Rebecca that she’d prefer not to fight with Sonny. She’s been down that road before, and knows it goes nowhere good. But the woman he cheated on her with, she’s the one Carly wants to fight. She wants Nina pay for every lie she told, for all the pain she caused, for everything she’s stolen from Carly and her family. Can Rebecca give her that? Rebecca says, that’ve got to start somewhere, and sits down. Shall they talk about her retainer?

Alexis says, if Harmony wants her help, Harmony has to tell her the truth. Both she and Diane think there’s more to the story, that there’s something Harmony’s not telling them. Is there? Harmony says, yes, there’s more.

On the phone, Michael says, thank you for looking into it, and Willow asks what he said. He says, it doesn’t make any sense. There’s no record of a birth certificate being issued to her in any of the 50 states, or anywhere else in the world, according to the US government. Willow says, she doesn’t exist?

Olivia tells Ned, Chase and Bailey weren’t here for very long, but it already felt like a home. Now it’s over. Ned says, one of the good things about what happened is, it brought them closer together as a family. And it taught them that Brook is far more selfless than they thought. Olivia is sure no one was more surprised than Brook was. They’ll be there for Ned’s daughter whenever she needs them. Ned hugs and kisses her.

Brook brings Louise up to Felicia, and Felicia says, hello there, beautiful girl. Louise smiles because she’s a 26 year old actress trapped inside a baby.

Obrecht and Austin go into an office, and Austin says, what’s up? She says, she persuaded Victor to let her get close enough to plant a tiny chip on his lapel. Shall they have a listen? He says, by all means, and she takes out her phone. Victor tells Yohan, too many people are on to them, and there are too many questions. They need to find Peter, and silence him once and for all. Obrecht and Austin look at each other.

Tomorrow, Curtis asks Portia, what if there was another option; Nina asks Willow if she’ll ever be able to see her grandson again; and Sonny says he needs to find her before she does something she’ll regret.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Gabby and Frank Jr. had moved in with Dolores temporarily. She wanted them to have a place to live where they didn’t have to pay bills (why was I not born into this family?), and Frank wasn’t finished with the house. Frank had plans to move into the new house with the kids, and in Dolores’s interview, she said, it had been Frank’s home for a few years. It didn’t seem right to say he was banished because the kids were moving in. Gabby thought she and Frank would butt heads, and in her interview, Dolores said she and Frank had divorced when the kids were little, and had lived separately. Gabby was a hothead, and Frankie was the opposite. He just wanted it calm and nice. Dolores thought they should sit down as a family and discuss it.

Gia and friends were taking photos at a boutique, modeling sportswear. In Teresa’s interview, she explained that Gia’s Sad Song had gone viral, and Gia had parlayed that into a sweatshirt line that was now in a bunch of boutiques. Teresa and her daughters posed together, and then Gia tried to talk Milania into coming to a pizza party Luis was throwing, but Milania was still pissed at Joe #2. Gia told Milania that she and Joe had made up, and in Gia’s interview, she said, Milania had a big heart, but don’t go after her dad. We flashed back to Joe #2 talking smack about Joe #1, and Teresa said Joe #2 was her only family. She wanted them to come to a happy medium and let it end.

Joes #2 and #3 met with Frank at the bar for drinks and food. Frank said, the house renovation was causing heavy conflict with the kids, and Gabby was mad at him. Now Dolores was calling a family meeting. Joe #2 asked why Dolores wasn’t moving in with David, and Frank said he thought there was trouble in paradise. They moved on to discussing Bill’s affair, or rather, the announcement of, and Frank said he didn’t think Bill was okay. Joe #3 said he liked Bill, but his wife had gone over the edge, calling Marge names. Joe #2 talked about his conflict and resolution with Gia, and said Luis had invited them over to make pizza. Frank said, Luis had been awesome to his son since Frank Jr. had been working for him. Joe #2 said there had been a lot of stuff on the internet about Luis, referring to the notorious video. Frank suggested they go on a retreat, get naked, go in the woods, and beat the sh*t out of each other.

Jackie and Evan went out for lunch after the kids left for camp. Jackie thought they should take full advantage of it, and wondered what they did before they had kids. Evan said they drank more, and Jackie reminded him they’d met at dirty bar. She said she loved frat party beer bars, but didn’t think many of the women had gone to college. She was the only one who had pledged a sorority, and Evan the only one who’d pledged a fraternity. She thought they should plan a frat party for everyone. Jackie brought up her eating disorder, and said she’d gotten to a place where she didn’t eat anything. We saw a wedding photo, and she looked scary thin. She said then she got to a place where she could eat, and thought she was cured, but she wasn’t okay. Last year was hard, and she’d lost some weight. Her eating was ritualized, and Evan said the kids noticed. They’d asked him why she ate the same dinner every night. Jackie said she was hungry all the time, and scared of gaining weight, and Evan said he thought she should see somebody. In Evan’s interview, he said he’d been concerned for a while. Jackie was always on the defensive, and she had food rules, but he didn’t want to judge. He was happy that she was opening up and letting him in. He told her that her realization was a great thing, and he was with her every step of the way.

Jackie called Jennifer to make sure she was okay. She’d cried her share last year, and if anyone got it, it was her. She said she and Evan were having a last hurrah party before the kids came home. She wanted to see it bring then all back together. She didn’t want to bring the sh*t between Jennifer and Marge back, and Jennifer said, if Bill couldn’t come, she wouldn’t either. Teresa and crew went to Luis’s house, where his brother Bill was cooking eggplant on the barbie. Teresa put herself on sauce detail, and it was all quite a production. In Teresa’s interview, she said Luis journaled and did positive affirmations. He was all about communicating, and not holding it in. He wanted to introduce her family to self-help, but they weren’t big on that, since their idea of communication was yelling and banging on the table. Joe #2 and family arrived, and Melissa said she was glad Teresa wasn’t holding a grudge against Jackie. Teresa said, everyone had seemed to have Jackie’s back, but now no one had Jennifer’s back. Marge had crossed the line. In Melissa’s interview, she said Teresa was blindly taking Jennifer’s side, when Jennifer had even gone after Teresa’s brother. It boggled her mind.

The spread was amazing – all the Italian food you can imagine. I had an aunt who married into an old school Italian family, and I went to Sunday dinners like that when I was a kid. Luis said he thought it was good when families collided; it lead to repair. He wanted everyone to write on a paper what they wanted to bring more of to their life in the group, and on the other side, what they wanted to let go of. Surprisingly, Joe #2 suggested they just talk about it instead. Luis said he wanted to trust more, since traumatic experiences had made him guarded. In Joe’s interview, he wondered what the hell Luis was talking about. This guy talked in code. Luis said he wanted to be less guarded, and Teresa said she wanted more loyalty and love. Luis asked what she wanted to let go of, and in her interview, Melissa said, Luis wanted Teresa to admit fault. They’d be there all night. Melissa said she wanted to lean more into the family; there was never enough time. Joe suggested not holding grudges, and Melissa told them, there were a lot of things she could say right now. In Gia’s interview, she said, Milania’s end goal was that everyone get along, and Milania said she wanted to let go of overthinking what happens next. Gia said she was always expecting something to blow up, and Milania said she wanted to lean into things being solid. Joe said he apologized, and didn’t want to argue, and in his interview, he said, for the first time, he understood how he was hanging onto his anger at Joe #1. He told them that they had to let go of the past; they’d all been through so much. It was okay to be angry, but he didn’t want to be that person. He thanked Luis for initiating the discussion, and Melissa said it was much needed.

Everyone got ready for Jackie’s party, except for Teresa, who was out town at a dance tournament for one of her daughters. I get them mixed up. I think it was Gabriella. Or was it Antonia? Jennifer called Bill, who was finishing up work, and he asked how she was feeling. She said she was reluctant, but having him by her side would give her strength. Traci told Tiki that she didn’t agree with what Jennifer had done, but she’d left two events in tears. In Traci’s interview, she said she knew how rumors affected a couple. When she and Tiki had gotten together, there had been lies spread that they’d had an affair while he was married, and Tiki got depressed. She told him she thought they should have empathy for Jennifer as a woman and a mother. Tiki said, you never wanted stuff like that to go public. Marge told friend Lexi that it was Jennifer’s own behavior that led to this, and she had a double standard. I see both sides. I absolutely have empathy, but I also think you can’t say sh*tty things about someone and not expect them to bite you back.  

The party was in a private room at a bar, where beer pong had been set up, along with a keg, and a pineapple ice sculpture that was a liquor dispenser. Jackie told the women that they could dance on the bar. Melissa told Joe #2 that it was vodka for him; he was a psycho on tequila. Jennifer hadn’t arrived yet, and Jackie said she thought Jennifer was reeling. Marge said, don’t come in crying, but Traci had enough, and called bullsh*t. Marge said it wasn’t like it was a shock to Jennifer, but Traci said, Jennifer hadn’t expected someone to throw it in her face. As a mother and a human, she had to empathize. In Marge’s interview, she said she’d talk to Traci in another month, and see how she felt about Jennifer. Jackie said she didn’t want Jennifer kicked while she was down, and Marge said she wouldn’t throw a drink; she’d throw a ping-pong ball. Jennifer and Bill came in.

Jackie said she wanted tonight to be fun, and went over to Jennifer, who was hugging the bar. Traci joined them, and Tiki told Bill that he’d heard there was drama. Bill said some skeletons had come out, and Tiki said it was unfair. Jennifer said what Marge had done was so hurtful, and at one of the tables, Marge said she was sick of talking about Jennifer, and asked Dolores how David was. Dolores said they weren’t together anymore. In Dolores’s interview, she said she’d only told Frank, and we saw a clip of her telling Frank that David was married to his job. He was smart enough to know he couldn’t change, and she was smart enough to know she wanted more. It wasn’t sustainable. She told the women, what finally got her was that she knew someone who had been on life support. Their family pulled the plug, and his girlfriend of 15 years had nothing. In her interview, she said, what if something happened tomorrow? He was supposed to be her partner. She’d wanted more, but hadn’t been demanding. He got used to it, and she got resentful. She told the group that David had been shocked. It hurt, and she didn’t want to talk about it.

Everyone took shots out of the ice pineapple, and the guys played beer pong. Dolores told Jennifer that what Marge had done was rough, but Marge told her what Jennifer had said about her. We flashed back to that, and Dolores said she understood why Marge was mad. Jennifer said she guessed Dolores was a better friend to Marge, but Dolores said she was friends with both of them. Jennifer said, not according to Jackie, and then Jackie got roped into the conversation. Dolores said she heard Jackie was questioning her friendship with Jennifer and it wasn’t cool. Jackie said she just thought Dolores was better friends with Marge, and Dolores asked why Jackie was getting involved. Jackie said she was just looking after Jennifer. All of this pissed Dolores off, although I’m not sure why. I’d also assume she was better friends with the person she’d known for years, than the person she’s known for five minutes. Jackie told Dolores that Jennifer had made videos of her – we flashed back to Jennifer making fun of Jackie – and she was the one comforting her. Dolores said, give her a break, and Jackie said Dolores thought no one should be upset about anything. Marge joined the fray, and pissed Dolores off even more when she said she thought they were better friends than Dolores was with Jennifer. Dolores said, Jennifer didn’t need to hear about it from this, pointing at Jackie, who said, don’t call her this. Dolores asked what Jackie was going to do about it, literally getting in Jackie’s face. It looked like it might be a knockdown drag out. SMH.

To be continued…

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🎬 Curtain Down…

Come visit tomorrow for soap and what’s going on in the OC. Until then, stay safe, stay being kind to animals, and stay not letting the past define you, and extending the same courtesy to others.