What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Like a good stage manager should, Felix yells at everyone to focus and get everything ready. Brad and Lucas talk about how everything is always a mess before the Nurses Ball, but somehow it comes together at the last minute. Just as Lucas says nothing bad is going to happen, something falls with a loud crash.

Hayden tells Curtis that being broke is no picnic. It isn’t for Nicholas either, who’s calling the bank to make his deposit liquid immediately and staring at the shiny big diamond he’s going to sell. He trips over something of Spencer’s and the diamonds go everywhere. Elizabeth comes in and he asks her not to tell anyone.

Obrecht tells Finn she’s been doing research on him. She says his former employer has some strange privacy protocols. He asks what she’s looking for. She says she wants to make sure the trail of corpses didn’t start at a previous job. He says she’s crazy and she says her only concern is the patients.

Julian gives Alexis a gorgeous necklace, like that’s going to make her forget he’s a murderer. She says he’s trying to buy her silence. He asks if every gesture he makes is going to be picked apart now. Yeah, probably.

Sonny and Michael are on the plane and Michael says he’s going to follow Sonny’s lead. Sonny says the line between business and family has been blurred, but this is the first and last time.

Sabrrrina begs for her life. Marcos says he was crazy to let Carrrlos talk him into hiding her. He says practically the whole world is looking for her, including Sonny. She suggests he turn her over to Sonny. She says she used to date Michael and Marcos says Michael has already been looking for her. She tells him he’ll just make it worse if he kills her. Marcos says he has to cover his tracks so there’s nothing to connect them. Just as he’s about to shoot, Michael comes storming in with Sonny right behind. Michael knocks Marcos down and gets the gun away. Well, Marcos just made a mess for himself.

Elizabeth asks where the diamonds came from. Nicholas tells her it’s a recent acquisition, and even though she’s usually a dimbulb, Elizabeth figures it out right away. She says if he turns them over to the Feds, Hayden will be gone forever. He says too late, he’s already sold one.

Hayden says she hates being poor more than she hates being wronged. She tells Curtis she has something going on the side that might change things. She says she’ll catch up to him later and maybe he’ll change his mind about stealing the diamonds back.

Valerie tries to talk Bobbie into being in her act, but Bobbie says she’s already doing something and she’s not feeling that great. Lucas asks if she’s sick and she says she wouldn’t miss the Nurses Ball; it’s her favorite night of the year. Since they made a point of her not feeling well, I assume this is going to factor in later. Brad and Lucas look like cats who ate canaries and Lucas says this might be her favorite one ever.

Hayden asks to talk to Finn. He says no. She gives him a check for ten grand and says it doesn’t begin to cover his loss, but it’s a start. He says money can’t bring the people back who died because of her father’s greed. I’m kind of surprised he’s being so unreasonable.

Sonny tells Michael to take Sabrrrina back to the plane. Marcos starts to babble and Sonny tells him to shut up. He says if Marcos wants to save his own life, he’ll tell him about Julian Jerome. Ha-ha! Big baby Marcos isn’t so tough anymore.

Julian asks if Alexis is going to second guess everything now, but she says she loves him and she just needs to process things. He says blah-blah-blah their future is entirely in their own hands. He gets a call from Lucas who wants to ask him something in person and asks Julian to meet him at the hospital. Julian asks Alexis if she wants to come, but she says she has a lot of work and a manicure appointment. And she’s washing her hair. I made that last one up. Julian leaves and Alexis breaks out the bloody shirt. She makes a call, asking someone to come over immediately.

Curtis tells Valerie her rehearsal looked good. She says what about his act, and he says it’s top secret.

Bobbie tells Brad she’s happy he’s joining the family. Felix overhears her talking about them getting married at the Nurses Ball. There goes that secret.

Nathan asks Julian to be his best man. Julian says he’ll have to find someone else. He says nothing would make him happier, but he doesn’t want to steal the spotlight since he’s been in the news recently. Lucas says they don’t care, but Julian says he wants something better for them.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth the diamonds are leverage against Hayden and also collateral. He says they can help him maintain his lifestyle until he gets it together. He says because of the diamonds, he was able to contribute to the Nurses Ball. Elizabeth says Lucy would have understood, but she’ll keep his secret.

Sonny grills big baby Marcos about Julian. He says Carrrlos kept him in the dark for the most part. Sonny is like, oh, so you got involved by accident? Marcos says he did and he doesn’t want any trouble with Sonny. Sonny says that’s too bad because now he has no use for Marcos. Marcos swears he didn’t know anything; he was just doing a favor for Carrrlos. Sonny tells him it’s going to be a costly favor.

Diane comes to Alexis’s house. Alexis wants Diane to be her attorney. I love Diane and can’t wait to see how this plays out. Diane asks if something has made her question Julian and Alexis says possibly. Diane asks if it has to do with Carrrlos, and tells her that she doesn’t have to worry about testifying against her husband. Alexis says it’s not Julian she’s worried about; it’s herself.

Sabrrrina thanks Michael and asks why he came after she lied to him and ditched him. She explains how Carrrlos talked her into going with him, but she realized immediately that it was a bad choice. Michael says she should have come to him. She says she picked up the phone a bunch of times, but she was with the man who shot his father and she was afraid. Michael tells her Carrrlos is dead and she says she knew already, and God help her, she was relieved. Michael says he’s the one who found him, but Carrrlos wouldn’t tell her where she was and then died at the hospital.

Nicholas tells Lucy he’ll be at the Nurses Ball with his wife. Hayden comes in and asks where he got money for the donation. He says he re-positioned some of his assets. She says he doesn’t have any and realizes he sold some of her diamonds.

Hayden wrestles Nicholas for the diamonds. They end up in a compromising position and almost kiss. He tells her that she has to play the doting wife at the Nurses Ball. She asks what she’s supposed to wear and he gives her a diamond, saying hock this. She says they both have leverage on the other, but he has more to lose than she does.

Sonny tells Marcos he’s not going to shoot him…today. A cop enters and Sonny says he makes a point of cooperating with law enforcement. He says Marcos’s associates are going to testify against him. Marcos calls him a bastard, but Sonny says don’t blame him, blame Carrrlos.

Curtis suggests he and Valerie do a number together. He says he can just stand there and she can make him look good.

Brad asks Felix to be his best man. Felix says yes, and Lucas says Brad is doing better than him. Lucas calls Sam and she agrees to be his best person.

Diane tells Alexis that if she has evidence, she should come out with it now before the police find it independently. She asks if Julian has been threatening her. She shows Diane the necklace and says she loves Julian, but can barely look at him. Diane says he should know better than to buy her silence. Alexis says she’s not necessarily afraid of him, just afraid. Diane promises to be at her side every step of the way and asks if she thinks she can turn him in. Alexis says she has to be able to sleep at night. Julian walks in. He has the best timing of any character on the show.

Elizabeth tries to talk to Finn and he blows her off, then goes back to apologize. He says Roxie is almost as misunderstood as he is, but she would even be embarrassed at his behavior. He leaves and Obrecht tells Elizabeth to stay away from him and that he’s not who he seems to be. She doesn’t know in what way, but she’s going to find out.

Sonny gets back to the plane and tells Michael about Marcos. He says Marcos was too scared to lie and he has to find another way to get Julian.

Diane tells Julian she’s there to steal Alexis away. Alexis says they’re going for a manicure together for the Nurses Ball. Julian says Lucas wanted him to be his best man, but he said no because of the publicity. Diane tells Alexis they have to move or they’ll be late. Outside, Alexis says that she doesn’t want Julian arrested before the wedding, so they’re really going for a manicure. Julian peeks out in between the blinds.

Tomorrow, the Nurses Ball! Carly tells us that this year it’s going to be better than ever. I always wonder how Lucy will lose her clothes. I love tradition on this show. Like the Quartermaines having pizza every Thanksgiving.

Southern Charm

Who knew Craig was going to be the one to get a clue? He tells Whitney he’s just mad that Kathryn hooked up with his best friend after being with him. He says it’s the only logical explanation for the hate. Cameran isn’t believing it, but he says give him a better explanation then. He says they can’t come up with a reason for hating Kathryn so much. Whitney is aghast that Craig is believing Kathryn over him. Craig says Whitney keeps saying Kathryn offended him, so how? Whitney just keeps calling her a lying psychopath.

Craig reminds Whitney about him calling Craig out at his parents’ for being a lazy bum. Craig doesn’t believe you can be so passionate about hating someone unless it was personal. In his interview, Shep says if he was a shrink, he’d be wondering about Whitney’s passionate protests and brings up the Shakespeare quote about protesting too much. Whitney claims it was a one-night stand and starts getting stupid. Shep finally tells everyone to shut up. Whitney calls Craig names and leaves the deck. In his interview, Craig says Whitney’s being a bully has come back to haunt him.

Cameran tells Craig he should be ashamed and he says he had to get it off his chest. Cameran says Whitney has never been hurt over a girl, and wonders if Craig is just creating drama. Shep says he’s sick of blubbering idiots and goes to get champagne. Dani says it’s not okay to sit around and say how crazy Kathryn is and if they’re going to say something about Kathryn, Thomas should be discussed too, because it takes two. JD says their relationship has affected everyone. Cameran says it’s sick and pathetic to watch.

Craig tells Shep this has been a huge source of animosity among the friends, but Shep says he’s annoyed this all came about at his house. He says it isn’t the time or place for Craig’s theories. Cameran tells Craig he should apologize to Whitney. For what? Cameran calls baby Whitney back in and Craig says he’s sorry he upset Whitney, but he thinks there was more going on between him and Kathryn. Why is this such an outlandish idea? Cameran tells him to care about things that matter , you know, because another human being doesn’t. I don’t get this irrational hate either and figure Craig is right.

Naomie tells Craig he was rude and he ruined everyone’s night. Craig says he’s sorry, but in his interview, he says if you don’t stand up for people, you’re a coward and he believes this is the truth.Whitney gets absolutely insane about someone he claims to care nothing about? Really? And we saw that she was keeping her clothing at his house, so wtf? I liked Whitney at the beginning, but he’s turned out to be one big d-bag. I liked his mother too, but ditto. You’re not all that anymore, honey. If you ever were.

Whitney says he woke up angry. Oh man, he is totally lying about that one-night stand. Otherwise, he would just laugh it off. He says Craig is just harboring resentment about how Whitney behaved at Craig’s parents’, which at least he admits wasn’t quite the right approach. Cameran and Whitney leave. Bye, Felicias!

Thomas calls Kathryn. She tells him her induction date has been moved up. Her blood pressure has been like a roller coaster, so the doctor wants to get the baby born.

At breakfast, Landon tells Shep she had fun except for the Craig thing. Shep says he doesn’t get hangovers from drinking, but he does from stupid stuff. Dani has left too, but because of work. Craig says Whitney can dish it out, but he can’t take it, and ran away like the guilty party he is.

Patricia goes to visit Whitney, who is playing guitar badly. It’s Whitney’s third loft in three years and Patricia says they’ve all looked like Isis prison camps. She asks about the trip. Wait for it….

He doesn’t want to talk about it. Patricia lets it go, since Southern WASPs don’t talk about their feelings. She asks him to bring his girlfriend, Larissa, around some time. Whitney talks about a guy’s trip to LA, but says he only has two bedrooms, so he’s only inviting Thomas and Shep. Patricia says she saw JD at the bank and asked what Craig actually does for him, and JD said Craig is his bitch. These people might be Southern, but not so charming. As a matter-of-fact, they’re pretty rude. Is this what old money does to you?

Thomas can’t get ahold of Kathryn. Nanny Dawn says Kathryn is angry because he’s going to LA with Whitney and if anything happens, he’ll never get back in time. Dawn tells him Kathryn left, but she doesn’t know where she went. She says Kathryn is overwhelmed and this could have been avoided. Cool that the nanny is on Kathryn’s side.

Craig has invited Cameran to lunch to clear the air. Naomie says she’s never seen Whitney so upset. Craig says they seem to be on a mission to ostracize Kathryn and he’s surprised at Cameran. Naomie was shocked at how crazy everyone got and says she’d rather not hear about it anymore. Craig still believes what he believes, but doesn’t think it’s worth losing friendships over.

Whitney gets to his place in LA to clean up a little before the guys’ weekend. Thomas calls and says he’s not coming because of Kathryn. Whitney doesn’t get it, but says he has to do his fatherly duties and maybe another time. Thomas feels it’s better to keep things peaceful.

Cameran meets Craig for lunch. She’s another one I liked at first, but I think has become unreasonable. She tells him Whitney was really hurt about him taking Kathryn’s side. Craig says in his head it was a question, but it came off as an accusation. Cameran says Whitney doesn’t have the hots for Kathryn, he just doesn’t like her. Even if that’s the case, why can’t he at least be polite? Craig asks if they’re good and Cameran says she’s fine, but he has to make it right with Whitney. I also don’t get why this group is so supportive of Thomas, who is like the biggest idiot on earth and should be hanging out with people his own age. For a moment, I wonder why I’m watching this, since apparently, I can’t stand any of these people.

Thomas has flowers sent to Kathryn, who has a beautiful white dog. Wow. The lady delivers them in a vase with water already in it. No muss, no fuss. The note just says, “I’m very sorry – love, Thomas.” To the point.

Whitney calls Shep and tells him Thomas can’t make it. Shep asks about bringing Craig and tells Whitney he should be the better person and in his interview, says that grudges are for losers. Whitney makes some lowbrow comments, but says he’ll think about it. Anyone who dates this jerk has to be in it for the money. He has zero personality and even less of a sense of humor. He also uses words that make him sound educated, but seem inappropriate.

Craig visits Kathryn, who says she thinks Kensie has a crush on him. Aww! I’ll bet he’s cute with kids. Craig tells her about the fight at Shep’s house and how panicked Whitney got when he brought up that Whitney might have feelings for Kathryn. Craig says he was just trying to mend the friend circle, but thinks there’s no going back. He tells Kathryn she shouldn’t care though. Kathryn says ultimately the truth will come out and she only wants positivity for the new baby.

Larissa comes to LA. Whitney gives her a heart-shaped mylar balloon that says “I love you.” Bleh. He couldn’t do better than that? He’s written her a song. I put in earplugs. Yep, it’s bad.

Shep meets Craig at his bar. Craig asks if he’s talked to Whitney. Shep says it wasn’t a lose friends situation, but it was a dent. He says he’s been working behind the scenes for an invite to LA for Craig. Craig swears he won’t bug Whitney anymore about the Kathryn thing. Shep tells him he put his rep on the line because he cares about him.

Commercial break. Nine Lives looks really funny, and you can’t beat a Kevin Spacey/ Christopher Walken combo. Seriously, what could be any better?

Thomas visits Kathryn. Dawn takes Kelsie to the park. Thomas is putting together a piece of baby furniture. Kathryn tells Thomas her feelings are hurt because Whitney is always trying to put a wedge between them. She thinks that Thomas has made progress in co-parenting and she’s annoyed that Whitney wanted Thomas to go away so close to when she’ll need him. She tells him he should be around people who want him to be a better person and the best father he can be.

Next time, The LA trip, Craig apologizes to Whitney, Landon thinks she has a chance with Shep (please, no), JD can’t find Craig, JD suggests a paternity test to Thomas.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Leeanne and Tiffany meet for lunch, along with Leeanne’s friend, Heidi Dillon. Apparently, I’m supposed to know who she is, but she looks like someone who shouldn’t be wearing what she’s wearing – some kind of outfit Kanye West might show up in. Leeanne says Heidi is her mentor. Tiffany’s husband is doing a charity event at the House of Blues and she invites Heidi.

Heidi is having a dinner party so she can meet the other girls. She’s going to be making a Frito chili pie, whatever that is. It doesn’t look like something that goes with this woman’s lifestyle. Tiffany suggests inviting Stephanie and Brandi. Leeanne says she probably won’t like Brandi, but Heidi says she’ll keep an open mind. I already don’t like Heidi, since she alludes that Cary got her rich husband by doing something nasty under his desk. I don’t know what was up with how they got together, but Cary doesn’t seem like someone who would sleep her way to the top.

Mark and Cary’s practice is going crazy busy after they updated the website. It’s their six-year anniversary. Mark tells Cary she knows what he wants for his present. They kiss through their surgical masks. Bluebirds fly around with ribbons in their mouths. Well, they would if this was a Disney cartoon.

Brandi talks to her mom, Jana. Her brother, Michael, has PTSD from serving in Afghanistan and she says he’s not sleeping or eating. He tried to take his own life and they’re both worried for him. Brandi visits Stephanie, who took the kids to school before realizing one of them wasn’t wearing shoes. Brandi tells her about Michael. She says she was angry with him for saying things like there’s no God, but she didn’t realize how bad it was. Brandi says she doesn’t know what she’d do without Stephanie. Yeah, especially with that cold fish of a husband she has. Go back to work, Bryan, and stay there. Just send the check.

Leeanne and Tiffany go shopping for House of Blues dresses. Tiffany is a little concerned because it’s the first time all the girls are getting together since Marie’s cocktail party. Leeanne says she wants to apologize to Stephanie, but doesn’t think she owes Brandi an apology. Really? She said some very nasty things about her. Tiffany tells her about Brandi’s brother and Leeanne feels marginally like an ass. Tiffany just wants to put the whole mess behind them.

Cary and Mark have a drink at home after work. She says there are a lot of haters who think Mark just wanted to sleep with her for a while, but they’re best friends. Mark’s personal shopper brings something from Roberto Cavalli for her. No surprise it’s amazing and he says it should be since it cost more than his first car. She gives him a lovey-dovey card and will be giving him a private present. In her interview, Cary says haters gonna hate, but they love each other, the end. Good on ya!

Brandi meets Bryan for lunch. She feels anxious and nervous because she doesn’t know what to expect. She thinks their lack of communication needs to be addressed. They talk about Michael. She says she feels alone and surprise! Bryan apologizes for being a jerk. Brandi says it hurt her feelings when he barely showed up to meet her grandfather. I’m totally shocked and amazed when he apologizes again and says they need to find couple time. She says he rarely apologizes and she’s thrilled. Okay, he’s back on my good side.

Commercial break. Is it wrong for me to be thinking about tomorrow’s breakfast already?

Stephanie meets Leeanne for lunch. It’s so hard to look at Leeanne because all I see is blush. Leeanne apologizes and Stephanie says Leeanne really hurt her feelings. Leeanne says she was coming from a place of pain, but that’s not really her. I hate when people say that. Who was it then? She says she was really hurt as a child and when anyone tries to hurt her, she gets loud. I think Brandi is absolutely right; she needs therapy. She’s too old to be using this as an excuse to be mean. Stephanie thinks the apology is more for Leeanne than her, but she just wants to get past it. Leeanne moves on to talking more about herself and how she’s a motivational speaker. In her interview, Stephanie says Leeanne is the most self-absorbed, narcissistic person she’s ever met and it’s beyond exhausting. Leeanne invites her to whatever conference she’s speaking at.

It’s time for the House of Blues event. The girls arrive and Leeanne introduces Heidi, who is wielding a fan. Cary thinks she should tone it down and I agree. Heidi says she’s having a dinner party and the theme is goth state fair. Okay. Keith Urban Aaron takes the stage. He’s not bad. He dedicates a song to Brandi’s brother and says his life means a great deal and to keep the faith. What a nice guy. Leeanne feels guilty and wants to move beyond the drama. We’ll see how long that lasts.

Leeanne is getting ready for Heidi’s party. She says the only person she’s hesitant to see is Cary, but boyfriend Rich says she’s great and Leeanne is just passing along gossip. She says she’ll work on being a better Christian and a better human. I see we have a long road to travel.

Cary is also getting ready for Heidi’s party. She’s bringing her friend Courtney. They talk about Leeanne and Cary’s makeup artist says something about her blush. Thank you. See? I wasn’t just picking on her.

The guests arrive and some of the outfits are pretty interesting. I think Brandi might have gotten her dress at Spirit Halloween. Cary arrives and says she feels negative energy. She focuses on Ralph the dog, which is exactly what I would do. Heidi complains to Leeanne that Cary didn’t say hello right away, but um, she’s the hostess. Shouldn’t she be making the guest feel welcome? Especially one that doesn’t know her?

Apparently a Frito pie isn’t really a pie. It’s basically a pile of Fritos with chili on it. Tiffany thinks Cary is being a snob because it’s her defense mechanism. Heidi says Cary is going to do a demonstration with a corn dog. What?! She’s a disgusting old crone.

Heidi wonders why people aren’t mingling and Cary says she thinks there’s some tension. For a goth state fair party, this is pretty freakin’ dull. Leeanne says Heidi’s parties are like powwows, but it’s obviously not working. Ooh, Heidi is friends with Mark’s ex-wife. That explains a lot. Yep, I was just going to say I’d leave if I was her and she heard me.

Stephanie says she feels like she’s the only one who doesn’t know what’s going on. Leeanne just stares at Cary as she makes her exit. More Southerners who are not so charming tonight.

Next time, Travis has a birthday, Leeanne makes a speech, and Brandi and Leeanne talk.

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Julian wonders why Alexis keeps the dagger in the china cupboard to begin with, and she says isn’t he glad she did, since it was within reach. He swears he didn’t touch it.

Sonny tells Carly what happened. She asks if the police think he had anything to do with Carrrlos getting stabbed, but he says he doesn’t think so.

Finn orders several space heaters for Roxie. Monica says Danny would love to meet her and Finn says he’ll arrange a play date. They talk about bringing Roxie to the hospital for the kids. Finn asks how Tracy is. Monica says you’d never know anything had happeend, but there’s controversy about Mr. Ellis’s death

Elizabeth talks to Jake while nuAmy eavesdrops. She tells him he’s not going to be seeing Franco anymore. When he asks why, Franco hears him and tells him to ask his father.

Jason remembers everything now, so I guess we can put that storyline to rest…somewhat.

Commercial break. Does Flonase really need to tell me that 6 > 1?

Carly says she knows Sonny didn’t kill Carrrlos, but still wonders where he was. Sonny tells her about going to Crimson with Alexis and how Michael ended up pulling Carrrlos out of the water. She’s like, thanks for calling and letting me know.

Julian tells Alexis he was exactly where he said he was. Alexis questions Nina being in a bathrobe at a meeting, and he fills her in on the Franco/Nina situation.

Finn says Mr. Ellis’s death was unexpected and he was stable when Finn left him. He says that all the tests that had been run were negative. Monica concurs, since she double-checked everything. She tells him Obrecht asked the peer review group to open up a case.

Elizabeth tells Jake that sometimes adults have to make decisions that kids don’t understand. She says that Jason doesn’t think Franco is the best person to treat him. NuAmy says that his mother must have agreed, since she’s the one who canceled all of the appointments. I applaud her audacity.

Jason tells Sam about the accident. He says he was trying to figure how to get Dante out from under the van, when Robin spoke to him.

Monica says Obrecht feels Mr. Ellis’s death was preventable.

NuAmy fills another nuNurse in on last year’s Nurses Ball. Amy is giving her all the gossip and Monica interrupts. She suggests Amy get back to work, and if she hears more trash talk, Amy will be backstage at the Ball.

Monica tells Finn it wouldn’t be an issue if the family had ordered an autopsy.

Elizabeth tells Jake that they’re enrolling him in an art class, but he says he wants to work with Franco. She tells him he needs to get to his appointment and he shakes her off, saying he’ll walk over by himself. Franco asks if Elizabeth is a doormat or does she really think he’s a danger to her son?

Jason explains that seeing Robin was probably his way of fighting his conditioning. He says the memories were intact, he just couldn’t reach them. Sam says she doesn’t understand, and he says neither does he, and tries to come up with theories.

Carly says next time Sonny feels the need to step out in the middle of the night, to please tell her first. She was worried and concerned that the police were going to be looking for him. Sonny says Julian is the one who would gain the most from Carrrlos’s death.

Julian says Alexis had to know the witness was a set-up. She says she didn’t get a chance to question him and how convenient that he died from an overdose after years of being clean. She says the look on Julian’s face was sheer panic when she said Carrrlos was still alive. Julian still tries to pretend that Carrrlos was his friend and Alexis says Carrrlos was a man who was going to put Julian away for the rest of his life. Julian says she saw him at Crimson. Alexis says that was later and he asks why he would have done it himself. Wouldn’t he have one of his lackeys kill Carrrlos? Alexis starts weeping and says it’s unthinkable he would use the dagger that killed her mother. He says check it; it’s clean, and she says because he cleaned it.

Alexis starts going nuts, looking for any proof. Success! She finds the towel he used to clean the dagger with. It only took her about two seconds, so Julian didn’t hide that very well. I gotta say, I wonder too, why he would use the dagger, since it has a unique blade. A carving knife would have been less traceable. It seems like a really stupid move for a guy who’s a mob boss.

Finn says Obrecht resents him in general. Monica says she especially didn’t like how he put Dr. Mays in his place. He says she seems to be holding him personally responsible for her being let go. She says he saved Tracy’s life, and Tracy had a big say in it.

Elizabeth says Franco crossed the line and was acting like his old self. She thought he’d changed, but she was wrong. He says he just lashed out because of the Nina situation, but he’s working his way out of the hole he’s in. He says even Obrecht has pushed him away. He says Elizabeth is pretty much the closest thing he has to a friend.

Jason tells Sam that as soon as he got Dante free, the memories flooded in, from the color of Sonny’s old office drapes to their first kiss. He says he’d been trying to convince himself the memories didn’t matter, but he was wrong.

Sonny says after the accident, Carrrlos would have certainly taken the deal. Carly says Julian was at Crimson. Sonny says even if Alexis was telling the truth, Julian might have done the dirty deed and then jetted to Crimson. Carly asks what he’s planning.

Alexis says the stain on Julian’s shirt wasn’t wine, it was blood, and he killed Carrrlos to save himself. Julian says she needs to trust that he did everything because he loved her and so their life together wouldn’t end. She asks him who he is. He says he’s still her husband and she pushes him away. She starts to call the police and Julian takes the phone. He says she needs to ask herself who she is. She chose to stay with him even though she knew he ordered the hit on Duke and that makes her complicit.

Franco says he’s not a danger to Jake and Elizabeth needs to stand up to Jason. Amy comes over and says Jake didn’t show up for the appointment.

Sam tells Jason so much for getting to know each other again. He says they have been apart for two years, but he knows how they started now. He trips down Sam Memory Lane. She says he has his life back, and he says that depends on her.

Sonny says he has to figure out a way to use Carrrlos’s death against Julian. Carly says he should let the police handle it, but Sonny says Julian has Alexis in his corner, which Carly finds ironic considering Alexis’s high horse attitude.

Julian tells Alexis she made her choice to accept him. She says he swore he was out of the mob. He says he changed his life for her, but she should have known his past would come back to haunt him. He says when push came to shove, he did what he had to. He says she chose to defend Carrrlos and protect the both of them and blah-blah-blah about how they love each other. He says the important thing is that it’s over and they can live their life together with their kids and grandson. He says otherwise, two men died for nothing. And what is with Julian’s hair? I vote no.

Franco says no one saw Jake leave the hospital and security is out front. Elizabeth says how do they know someone didn’t take him? The police come and Amy points out Elizabeth, who tells them Jake was supposed to be going to his appointment.

Sam says the worst thing was trying to convince Jason he was a good guy. He says maybe not so much, and she says they’ve both made their share of mistakes, and now they have a chance to find their way back together again. She says she loves him.

Finn startles Carly, who is looking at some reports at a table in the MetroCourt. She tells him that his space heaters came in. She asks him to look at a printout regarding her daughter’s kidney. He says it’s against the rules and she says since when did he care about that? Finn says never.

Julian makes up some nonsense about how they’re the only two people who matter. Alexis says he’s a killer. He says he did what he could to weather the storm, but they can fix this. She starts laughing and says how? He says what’s done is done. Carrrlos can’t be brought back, but they can survive this together.

Julian takes the bloody towel to the fireplace. Alexis says she’s not letting him throw the evidence away. He says it has to be done and this is for them. It doesn’t get much more spineless than Alexis here.

Elizabeth says it’s all her fault and she should have walked Jake to the office. She wonders where Franco went and Amy says maybe he’s out searching. Yeah, searching his apartment where Jake is eating some sugary cereal.

Sam tells Jason he should be checked out by a doctor. She wants to know that he’s okay with no concussion or complications. He says he hates hospitals but he’ll go.

Finn looks over the reports. He makes noises and Carly asks if he found something. He says maybe. He points out an administrator’s number and that they did overtime that day. He says the employee hasn’t worked at GH since the transplant and they probably know something.

Julian tells Jellyfish Alexis that this is about damage control and throws the towel in the fire. There’s a knock at the door and Alexis says it’s Sonny. She answers. Yep, it’s Sonny and he asks if Julian told her who killed Carrrlos. He says by the look on her face, she knows.

Tomorrow, Franco tells Elizabeth he has Jake, Lucy is back for the Nurses Ball (yay!), and Julian threatens Sonny.

Southern Charm

Shep and Craig meet for lunch. Shep asks what happened after the bourbon tasting. Craig tells him about JD saying he’s not ready to head a division and Naomie getting sad about it. Geez, it wasn’t like he lost his job. Shep says Craig should work on taking the bar, but in the meantime wants him to come on the Appalachian trip.

Craig asks if he’s inviting Kathryn. Shep tells him that several others won’t come if he does. Craig wonders why Whitney is so against her, and says they should be inclusive, and that Kathryn would probably be more chill if she felt warm and fuzzy. He says she probably won’t come because of her pregnancy anyway. Shep relents and calls her, but she’s on modified bed-rest and doesn’t think it would be a good idea to travel. Shep thanks the cosmos.

Thomas (bleh) visits Kathryn’s new house. She asks if Thomas is going on the trip with Shep and company. She tells him that Shep called her, but she can’t go. Thomas says he doesn’t want to go if she’s not going, but Kathryn encourages him. In his interview, he says he doesn’t want to rock the boat. He might be T-Rav, but she’s T-Rex. He tells her maybe he’ll go and just stay one night.

Cameran visits a therapist. She’s struggling with the baby thing. Her husband is ready for one and she’s not. She wants to figure out if she’s just not maternal or her decision is rooted in anxiety. She says her own mom is her role model and she can’t say enough good things about her, but she wasn’t the cookie-baking typical Southern woman type. The therapist asks if when she thinks of having a child, does she think of getting something or giving up something? Good question! Cameran says everyone tells her that her life will change and she doesn’t even like being a passenger in a car. The therapist seems to think that her parents’ divorce is a factor. Even though Cameran thinks she’s too old to be affected by it, the therapist says childhood events drive our lives. This woman seems to actually know what she’s talking about, unlike some therapists I’ve seen on the reality shows.

Craig talks to his mom about the house in the mountains and whatever is needed for the trip. He thinks the house is even going to impress Whitney.

Landon (ugh!) gets together with her sister, Bam, about whose name I could make a million jokes. She tells Bam about her online magazine idea. Landon is the oldest of three girls and says she’s trailing behind both of them. No big shock. We flash back to her visit with the NYC mogul and how it kind of bombed. Landon says how much she likes Craig’s girlfriend, Naomie, but I think it’s just so she can talk smack about Kathryn.

Craig comes by Kathryn’s place. He says for once in her life, she’s not the one causing the drama. They talk houses. Craig wonders about Whitney. He asks Kathryn if they used to be friends, and she says they were more than friends. She says it was more than just a physical thing and she spent a lot of time with him and his mother. We see a clip where she was keeping a lot of stuff at his house. Wow. Here’s to a secret very well kept.

We see a few more flashbacks where Whitney was very complimentary to Kathryn. Craig says Whitney makes it out to be like a one-night stand, when a one-night stand doesn’t keep clothes at your house. Kathryn tells him that she’d hooked up with Thomas prior to Whitney, but it went nowhere. Then she and Thomas met at a party and she left with him because she had liked him better. She says Whitney put her stuff on the curb after that. She says he’s one of those people you think has no feelings for anyone else, and Craig says this explains why they’re still dealing with this three years later. They show another scene that didn’t make sense in the first season, but does when it’s put together with what she’s saying now.

Shep has organized a party bus and Cameran is hoping it doesn’t have a stripper pole. Everyone meets at the bus and they head for Asheville (NC). Thomas and JD will be joining them separately. Thomas gets to the hotel first. Craig thinks they’re in Nashville, which Shep tells us is another four hours west.

The hotel is cute. The group checks in and meets in the lobby. Hanger-on Dani is there too. I’m not sure why, but she rubs me the wrong way. Thomas is glad for a night out where he can be himself. An immature a-hole? He tries to chat up some teenagers on the street and I get embarrassed even though I’m just watching it on TV.

They go to a beer garden where Whitney and Thomas make fun of the bluegrass music. There’s a large size Jenga game on the outside tables that they periodically play. Moving on. To the next bar, owned by a college buddy of Shep’s who gave him his first fake ID. Moving on again, but just next door. They have dinner and Shep makes a toast. Someone says things are going swimmingly, and Shep says that’s probably what they said before the Titanic went down.

Cameran thinks that Landon hearts Shep. Me too. Thomas says he’s just staying one night and acts like it’s because of Kathryn. Ha! He’s just getting old. I still don’t get why he has no friends in his own age group. Whitney says Kathryn is the curse of Moncks Corner he can’t escape. Craig thinks Whitney is irrational when it comes to Kathryn and that Thomas is actually being responsible. Moving on. Next bar.

This one is more a dance club. Thomas immediately starts chatting up a girl with tatts and piercings, saying, it’s awesome, man, or something like that. Bleh. Thomas. He acts stupid and puts the moves on girls who don’t want them. One dances away with Shep.

Thomas goes to Shep’s room in the morning. He says that he thought Kathryn was being irrational about Landon, but now he realizes Kathryn is right. Landon confessed that she didn’t really invite Kathryn to Shep’s birthday. Shep is a little miffed too. He says Landon has a catty side where she takes things too far.

Cameran and Whitney decide to rent a car. Shep wonders if he should be offended. Thomas leaves and it’s back to the bus with the others.

They go through where Shep grew up and he points out his grandparents’ house. They get to their destination and the house is amazing. It has a phenomenal view and Shep says it’s the happiest place of all. I can see why. JD and Elizabeth join them. Cameran says Shep never even mentioned this house, but he isn’t the type to brag about what his family has. Even though I wouldn’t want to date him, I like Shep.

JD wants to talk to Craig who does not want to talk about work. Craig says Naomie was sad about the bourbon thing, but JD says just because something doesn’t work out immediately doesn’t mean it won’t in the future and that he wants Craig to succeed. He also wants Craig to make Dani feel comfortable about taking the position Craig wanted.

Jennifer visits Kathryn, who is bored out of her mind. She can move around, but not leave the house. Kathryn tells Jennifer about the trip and that Thomas called, telling her how Landon admitted not inviting her to Shep’s birthday. She says Thomas has been surprisingly helpful with the move. She says their past is tumultuous and crazy, but he’s making an effort.

I cry because I will never, ever have a kitchen like the one in Shep’s mountain house. Shep confronts Landon about not inviting Kathryn to his party. He says in the future, tell him the truth. I’m not surprised someone has to tell her something this simple, but then I remember she can barely form a sentence.

Whitney argues with Craig over grilling the steak. The food looks incredible, steaks, corn on the cob and grilled vegetables. The topic of Kathryn comes up. Whitney says she’s a lying psychopath, and Craig says he’s just mad because she slept with his best friend after staying with him.

Next time, Whitney calls Kathryn a liar, poor Whitney is upset, Kathryn’s inducement date gets moved up, and Kathryn disappears. Lots of Kathryn.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Stephanie has a decorator coming in for son Chance’s room. She says that Travis’s mother is a decorator and he thinks that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree, but that’s not the case. Travis wants to be all involved, which annoys Stephanie. She says once a plan is in place, Travis always wants to change it. She says the one gift she wishes he’d give her is to trust her judgment.

Brandi is still ticked off about how Bryan acted at the barbecue for her father, late and drunk. She says he’s not giving her or the family the attention they deserve and she doesn’t know how to deal with it. She tries calling him and gets voicemail.

Marie is apparently inching her way into Wives status. Brandi goes to Marie’s house. She’s been working with Marie’s daughter, Sofia, on cheerleading. She says it’s a real favor, since she taught cheerleading and dance to high schoolers and it wasn’t fun. Marie is also close to Leeanne, so Brandi is hoping to get some insight. Brandi says the lessons make her miss being a Cowboys cheerleader.

Rich asks Leeanne what’s bothering her about Marie. She says she wants to trust Marie, but Tiffany has told her that Marie has been texting her smack talk about Leeanne.

Brandi tells Marie that despite Leeanne being batsh*t crazy, she had fun at Marie’s party. Marie says Leeanne could benefit from therapy. She says Leeanne is going to have to apologize for her nutty behavior.

Cary and Mark go shopping. They’re updating their website photos and looking for new outfits. Cary says the website needs to draw in the upscale clients they want, so the pictures need a refresh. Mark gets excited over a few of the dresses and picks out some things for her.

Brandi goes to Stephanie’s house. Stephanie is putting everything back into her son’s newly decorated Cowboys-themed room. Brandi tells us the nasty habits her husband has, as though we need to like him any less. She says it’s funny how you don’t notice a lot of things during the honeymoon phase. They talk about the barbecue and Brandi says how hurt she was about Travis acting stupid. Stephanie thinks Brandi should talk to him and reconnect with a date night. Brandi says Bryan isn’t good with confrontation, so she’s afraid to deal.

Tiffany visits Leeanne. They’re going to Marie’s house “to seek answers.” As a true Housewife should, Tiffany has printed out the texts. Leeanne wants to know why the texts happened and if her reputation is in jeopardy. I dunno. Maybe Marie is ticked off about Leeanne’s idiotic behavior at her party.

Leeanne and Tiffany say a prayer before going into Marie’s. Marie asks how they’ve been since the party and Leeanne says it was a bad scene, daddio. (Okay, I added the daddio.) Tiffany says she doesn’t like engaging in the kind of texts Marie has been sending. She pulls the texts out, handing them to Leeanne, and Marie looks like a deer in headlights. Marie says she would never talk behind Leeanne’s back. Leeanne says if Marie has something to say about her, she hold say it to her face. Marie says she was seriously concerned about Marie’s welfare. Leeanne drags Brandi into it, saying the issue is between them. Marie says Leeanne made it everybody’s issue. Leeanne says she walked out of the party because she was going to get violent. Leeanne gets loud and says stupid stuff. Once again, in her interview, Leeanne says she doesn’t do hurt. Seriously, get therapy and stop acting out when you have the feels. You’re too old for this. She tells Marie she’s been putting negative bugs in Tiffany’s ear and asks what she’s told Brandi. Marie says they never discuss Leeanne, but we flash to Brandi saying Leeanne is nuts. The girls say blah-blah-blah about being open. Leeanne says Marie might have originated from a good place, but she’s forgotten what loyalty is. She’s glad Tiffany held her hand through this.

Cary and Mark are using friend Carrie’s apartment for the photo shoot. Carrie gives direction with Mark working the camera. They take a lot of great pictures with and without great clothes.

Brandi talks about how hard it is, raising the girls basically with no Bryan and no other help. She says when Bryan is gone, one of the girls (Brooklyn) is especially bratty. Brandi does the throwing the spaghetti on the wall thing to see if it’s done. I do that too, but not near an electrical outlet. She calls Bryan, who is about to board a flight, and suggests a date night next time he’s home.

Gayle and Oprah are the names Stephanie gave the oversize warrior garden statues that Travis won’t let her get rid of. Brandi has brought outfits for them. This reminds me of a guy not far from me who has a manatee statue next to his mailbox that he dresses up seasonally.

Mark and Cary look at the pictures. Cary is very critical of herself, but Mark says she’s perfect. She wants them photoshopped, but he’s not on board with that. I’m not sure what she has to be concerned about. They get all mushy. I like these two. They seem like the only normal ones.

Stephanie loves her son’s new room, but is nervous at the unvailing, since it’s not what Travis wanted. Chance is really too young to be impressed by something like this. Travis says they did a great job and compliments Stephanie.

Brandi and Bryan are getting ready for date night. He’s exhausted from traveling, but she feels they need to get in some time together. They leave the kids with a sitter and go out to eat. They order martinis. Bryan looks tired. Brandi thinks he’s checked out as far as feelings go. They toast to a good summer.

Brandi says she’d like more time with him, but expects him to be a mind reader about it. It’s painful watching her try to get her thoughts out, with him looking like he’s not even there. She says with all his traveling, sometimes she feels like she doesn’t get the attention she needs from him. He’s like, seriously?

Bryan feels like she gets all the attention. She says she wants them to have more family activities with the girls. Again, she’s not expressing herself well. She says she feels unloved and unappreciated. She asks if she did something wrong and he says yes. She asks what. Bryan doesn’t answer and she says she doesn’t understand him. He just sits there like a cold lump and she starts to tear up, saying somehow it’s always her fault. He says he didn’t see that one coming What? He says he’s had enough and leaves her sitting there.

Next time, a charity event at the House of Blues, gossip about Cary, and Brandi’s brother attempts suicide.

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Hayden is approached by Federal agents in the parking garage. She says she thought they were done with questioning, but one of the agents says they have a few more.

Griff is at the bar. Mac says they didn’t get much of a chance to talk at the party, and asks Griff to tell him about himself. What is this dude hiding?

Alexis says Hale’s statement jives with the other accounts and tells someone to keep digging for dirt on him. Hale walks into the bar — not the start of a joke — and orders a double.

Anna thanks Andre, who says she’s the opposite of a flight risk. She’s too stubborn not to follow through. Jordan comes in and Anna says she was thanking Andre for what he did. In a snarky tone, Jordan says she knows everything that Andre has done for Anna.

Sam tells Julian she’s been avoiding the conversation, and asks him point blank if he had anything to do with Sonny’s shooting.

Carrrlos says if Michael breaks him out, he’ll tell him where Sabrrrina is. Jason interrupts. Carrrlos tells Jason to beat it, but Jason says it’s important he talk to Michael. Michael leaves with him and asks who sent him. Jason says he’s on his own because he’s worried about Michael. He says Carrrlos wants to use Michael and Michael says maybe it’s the other way around. Jason says the only way to engage with Carrrlos is to walk away.

Julian says he had nothing to do with the shooting. Sam says Alexis is defending a man she knows is guilty and she’s doing it because of Julian. She doesn’t think it’s fair.

Alexis asks to talk to Hale. She introduces herself and says she wants to talk to him about his testimony. Hale says he knows his rights and doesn’t want to talk to her.

Griff says there’s nothing to know, but Mac says Griff saved Tracy’s life. Mac says Griff has given his father a great legacy.

Jordan says she’s glad Anna isn’t behind bars anymore. Anna says they just need to get Carrrlos to flip on Julian. Jordan tells her about Hale. Anna thinks it’s just what they need and wants to talk to Scotty. Exit Anna.

Andre says he and Jordan have both had productive days and more than earned their date. Jordan says they should forget about the date. Sigh. What is wrong with her?

Hayden says she told them everything she knows. The agent asks if she has nothing to hide, why did she change her name? She says she was guilty in the court of public opinion and wanted a life. The agent asks why she hid the truth from her husband. With perfect timing, Nicholas shows up and wants to talk to them about his wife.

The agent says Nicholas is interfering with their questioning. Nicholas is like, in a parking garage? He says she’s a witness, not a suspect, and they’ve been questioning her for nearly 24 hours. He asks if she’s under arrest and the agent says no, but they have the right to question her. Nicholas says if they want to talk to her further, the agents can contact their attorney, Alexis Davis.

Hale tells Alexis to leave him alone. She says he doesn’t have to talk to her now, but he’s going to have to when she deposes him. She says the media is going to be swarming too, and asks if he’s ready for that. She says maybe they could talk one on one first. She just wants to know what he saw and heard the night Duke was shot.

Griff changes the subject, asking Mac about Maxie’s upcoming wedding. Mac tells him about Maxie’s first marriage and that even though it was a bust, she got Georgie.

Andre tells Jordan that if something is up at the station, they can go out later. Jordan says that’s not it and that hugging in a courtroom isn’t professional behavior. She talks about Andre’s kudos of Anna on the stand. Andre asks if she disagrees. He says if she’s reading too much into it, maybe she should see a psychiatrist.

Sam tells Julian about the deal Carrrlos was offered. Julian says he and Alexis talked about it and she’s at peace with her decision. Sam says she thinks it’s the opposite. Julian asks her if she hasn’t shown the same loyalty to Jason, but she says Jason would never ask her to do something that went against her principles.

Michael tells Jason that Carrrlos knows where Sabrrrina is. Jason says if he’s lying, where does that leave Michael?

Nicholas tells Hayden to get in the car. She asks what just happened. He says he was on his way to his car and saw the interrogation. She says welcome to her world, but wonders why he would come to her rescue. He says he’s a prince and that’s what they do. Hayden is like, nice try. Nicholas says he wanted to derail the questioning before the agents got to his personal finances.

Julian asks Sam to drop it. She says she’s disappointed because she believes Alexis’s happiness depended on him. He says they’re happy with each other and he has a family now because of her. He says he has a child to raise and Alexis wants to make sure he can do that. It’s Leo’s birthday and Sam tells him to give the baby a kiss. Julian says she’s his daughter and he loves her, and asks what’s up with her and Jason. She says she and Jason are where they’re supposed to be, back together.

Michael says Sabrrrina did something stupid, but she’s alone with the baby and needs his help. Jason says Carrrlos is just using her as leverage. He tells Michael to go back and tell Carrrlos to go to hell.

Hale says he already made a statement. Alexis says she has a couple of questions and Hale says to ask them when she deposes him. He tells her for the last time to leave him alone and leaves the bar. Anna enters.

Jordan asks if that’s a professional diagnosis and Andre says it’s a comment on her behavior. She says he and Anna spend a lot of time together for just being friends. He says they are friends, but Jordan is the one he’s interested in. He says she’s projecting and she assumes he’s cheating on her because she cheated on her husband. Jordan smacks him across the face.

Hayden sarcastically tells Nicholas he’s always thinking of others. She says they should discuss their future, and that it’s time to cut their losses. She says for a minute, she thought they could make a life together, but it’s time to go their separate ways.

Anna tells Mac thanks for sending her a wonderful lawyer. She says it surprises her to say it, but Scotty did very well. Griff says he’s glad shes out. Anna says her too, because she couldn’t take another minute in there and it’s the anniversary of Duke’s death.

Alexis says the witness’s story checks out and it makes Sabrrrina’s statement admissible. She says she can’t advise Carrrlos not to take the deal because he’s going to be found guilty.

Michael tells Jason he knows what he’s doing. Jason tells him if he needs anything to let him know. Michael goes back into the interrogation room and Carrrlos asks if they have a deal.

At her apartment, Jordan is acting like a big baby, throwing things around. Andre shows up, saying they’re not done. There’s something he has to tell her and he’s not leaving until he says it. Jordan asks who he thinks he is. He tells her he shouldn’t have accused her of projecting, that he was analyzing her and that was out of line. He tells her that if he wanted to date Anna, he wouldn’t be asking Jordan out. He doesn’t pursue a woman unless he’s interested in her and he’s very interested in Jordan. She says prove it and he kisses her.

Nicholas says they’re in a cooling off period. Hayden says they should call it quits, adding she consulted a lawyer and the prenup is binding. Nicholas is like, oh, I get it now. He says she’s more concerned with what she knows than the money. Hayden says she’s not going to press charges. He says not now, but what about later when the money runs out.

Griff says Mac explained the intricacies of the extended Scorpio clan and how Anna and his father fit in. Anna tells him about how when she and Duke finally got their priorities straight, it was too late. Griff says he’s surprised he didn’t realize it was the anniversary of Duke’s death.

Anna reflects back on the night she was meeting Duke and what a beautiful night it was. Griff says he’s sorry and Anna says he and Duke would have got on famously because their outlook on life is the same. She says Griff can turn an ordinary day into something beautiful. She tells Griff about the deal Carrrlos is being offered and says it’s a compromise she’s willing to take. She says Julian hated Duke for decades and tried to destroy his life. When Duke was finally walking away, Julian ordered his death.

Alexis says she tried to talk to Hale at the bar, but it went badly. Julian says they go to plan B and destroy his credibility. She says she can’t win the case, and all the motivation in the world won’t counteract a credible witness. He says he knows she’s going to win. I don’t know where Julian’s optimism is coming from, but if Hale shows up dead, won’t he be the first suspect?

Sam and Jason are in the park and discuss going on vacation. She suggests they go to the ocean. He says which one and she tells him he can pick. She says she has some bad memories of Hawaii though, and he suggests he listen to her pontificate, but she says she doesn’t want to talk about anything sad. Jason asks if Danny likes the beach and she tells him Danny loves the beach. She and Jason talk some more about vacationing and then they kiss. Someone is watching them. Franco? Or am I just supposed to think it’s Franco?

Sam hears a noise. Jason tells her to stay there and pretends he left his phone in the car. Jason finds Franco in the bushes. That answers that question.

Jordan and Andre get busy and there’s a song part. I take a quick power nap.

Nicholas tells Hayden she made her point and divorce is the way to go. He says they need to divide their assets. She says she doesn’t have any and he begs to differ. He takes out her makeup bag and there’s a pouch of diamonds in it.

Alexis tells Julian she has work to do. He says the case will be over before they know it. He kisses her and says how much she means to him. She leaves and Julian’s phone rings. It’s Hammer time! Julian asks if Hammer is telling him what he thinks he’s telling him. He hangs up and says it’s done.

Anna says when Julian is rotting in prison, she’ll feel that Duke has peace. Griff says what about her? He says she’s done everything she can for Duke, and does she know what she’s going to do now. She says she does.

Michael tells Carrrlos he’s out. He says Carrlos never had any intention of telling him where Sabrrrina is. Carrrlos says if Michael is too afraid of daddy, he’ll find another way.

Alexis finds Hale dead in the parking garage with a needle in his arm.

Tomorrow, Jason asks Franco what he wants, Nicholas says Hayden won’t get a dime of his money, and Alexis calls for help.

Southern Charm

Cameran starts us off by saying this is like a bad daytime soap that you keep turning back to. I tend to agree.

Oh no! Patricia’s sofa isn’t as fluffy as it should be after the Flamingo Party. Someone must have dared to sit on it.

Naomie’s parents have sold the house, so she and Craig have to move. Luckily, Naomie has a spare house. (Can you see the face I’m making?) Craig thinks Kathryn should have been invited to the party and thinks Whitney is the driving force behind her not being invited. He says Whitney has hated Kathryn ever since she got together with Thomas. He says Whitney is the only one she’s hooked up with who isn’t friends with her now, and thinks that there’s more to the story than a one-night stand, and that Whitney might have feelings for her. Hmm… Maybe he doth protest too much.

Whitney talks to his girlfriend Larissa who’s coming to visit. He thinks it’s time to make a commitment.

Kathryn meets Cooper for coffee, tea or whatever they drink in the South. He notes that she has a new Birkin bag. Am I the only one in the world not impressed by these purses? Cooper gives her the 411 on the Flamingo Party and how Patricia said he shouldn’t be seen with Kathryn in public. Cooper says again that he thinks Patricia sees herself in Kathryn and she upsets their world order.

Whitney and Patricia review the party. Whitney asks what Cooper pulled her aside for. She says he thought she was being cold. Whitney says he likes drama. Patricia says she hopes Cooper enjoyed the Flamingo Party because he’s never darkening her door again.

Kathryn tells Cooper about Jennifer calling her from the party. Cooper reminds Kathryn that Jennifer told her she didn’t sleep with Thomas, and she found out later that Jennifer did. Kathryn tells Cooper that Jennifer has been there for her. He asks if Jennifer is just telling her what she wants to hear and he wants her to know who her friends are.

Bailey comes to Shep’s place. She brings an easel. She’s paining a picture of him on a horse on the beach with his surfboard tucked under his arm. Although the only thing in front of her is Shep with his surfboard. Why?

Whitney and Landon go shopping. She wants to do something special for Shep’s birthday and has set up a roller skating party. Whitney asks about the guest list. She tells him Shep wants her to invite Kathryn, but she doesn’t want to. She says the downside is they can’t drink at the roller rink, but they can drink on the party bus on the way there. Whitney says she’s planning the party for her, not Shep, and we finally agree on something.

Shep says his neighborhood is off the beaten trail. He’s meeting Cameran at the neighborhood bar where he’s part owner. Cameran is wearing white jeans after Labor Day and says she’s living on the edge. Cameran has a new listing and she’s having him do the grunt work and advertising. She says she’ll split the commission with him if he brings her a buyer.

Shep tells Cameran that he really likes Bailey. Cameran says she’s ordained, so she could marry them. He says not everyone wants to get married, but she reminds him of a conversation he had with Craig about his perfect life with a wife and kids. He says there’s no timeline for a man, but Cameran says he’s going to be freaking by age forty and time’s a-wastin’.

Ugh! Thomas. He’s moving into his new house and once again I think all the wrong people have the money. He says in his heart he’ll always love Kathryn, but he gave it his all (cough!) and it didn’t work out. It didn’t work out because she expected a man, not a 14-year-old boy.

Kathryn is moving into her new house too. She says it’s the size of Thomas’s kitchen, but it’s a home whereas his is an empty house. She says she realizes that Thomas wasn’t the person she thought he was, and feels like she wasted two years. Well, at least she got a couple of kids out of it.

Craig is happy with his job. He’s running the construction of a hotel. He’d rather be involved with the bourbon company though.

Danni calls Kathryn and I cringe when she calls Kathryn “love bug.” Kathryn stops by Danni’s house. Danni says she misses her and has been thinking about her a lot. She asks why Kathryn hasn’t reached out to her. Kathryn says she knows Danni is friends with Cameran. Danni says people are scared to get too close to the situation and that they don’t know what’s a pressure cooker topic, since Kathryn has been volatile lately. Danni says she’s lovable and people want to see that side of her. Kathryn says it’s hard to open up. Danni thinks one on one, people would be receptive. Ooh! Danni has a Siberian Husky dog.

Landon (bleh) arrives at Thomas’s new house. She says his style is old-world masculine. She asks if he’ll be around this weekend, but he has the kids. She says they’re having a roller disco party for Shep’s birthday. He asks if she’s invited Kathryn. Landon asks why he cares and he says she’s the mother of his children and he likes her to be included. She says to be included you have to make friends with people. Thomas says Kathryn was hurt by a pic of the two of them and thought it was deliberate on Landon’s part. Landon says Kathryn is burn-down-your-house crazy.

She tells Thomas about her writing project and says she’s still working on her vision. She’s looking for investors and he tells her good luck. Ha-ha! I think it’s the first time I’ve liked him.

Kathryn calls Cameran. She asks if Cameran would like to go for coffee or lunch. Cameran says it’s commendable that she’s reaching out, but to be honest, Kathryn has been very volatile. In her interview, she says for the past two years she had a front row seat to the Kathryn and Thomas show and she wants to move to the nosebleed section. Kathryn says she wants to pursue friendships outside of Thomas. Cameran says she’s heard that they’re not together before and then they are. Cameran tells her she needs to focus on herself and her children. In her interview, Kathryn says she didn’t want them to wear matching pajamas, just go for coffee. And seriously, couldn’t Cameran spare an hour to be nice, especially when Kathryn is making an effort? I totally don’t get this fifth grade animosity toward Kathryn. All of them know what a loser Thomas is. He’s enough to drive anyone nuts. And every time this poor girl tries to be friendly, it gets thrown back in her face. She needs friends too, because friends tell you about things like birth control.

Idiot Landon gets her Xanadu costume on. She calls the roller rink and makes sure everything is in place. Shep says he’s never roller skated and used to make fun of people that did; now he’s turned into someone he despises. He wonders if Landon even knows him.

Craig puts on a really cool retro flower power shirt and purple pants. Go, Craig! Where does he find these clothes?

Shep is the first one at the meeting place. Landon picks up some disco cupcakes. Shep says he’s on time for his party and waiting in a polyester shirt with no booze. Landon arrives and tells Shep that tonight is all about him. He says but he’s never roller skated. He asks if Kathryn is coming and Landon tells him yes. He says he’s inclusive and has a soft spot for her, because when she’s not around Thomas, she’s not crazy and a lovely person. Told you. Thomas makes me crazy and I don’t even know him.

Everyone except Kathryn (who isn’t there) gets on the party bus. Landon is such an a-hole. She says she’s sorry Kathryn didn’t make the bus, but she’s totally lying.

The party bus arrives at the rink. Moron Landon has her skates on already and needs help to get off the bus. Shep asks if they can fill his roller skates with vodka and Cameran says Landon screwed the pooch on this one. Whatever that means.

There are childhood pictures of Shep everywhere which is probably the only thing about him in regard to this party. Craig is a roller skating master, and Shep wonders why he’s so good at embarrassing things. I stink at skating, so I understand Shep’s pain. He says Landon should know him better than this and won’t be planning next year’s party.

Cameran tells Craig about Kathryn’s call, but she says she’s not the one Kathryn needs to be calling. She says that Kathryn offended Patricia and Whitney, not her. Huh? Craig wonders what Kathryn did to Whitney. Cameran goes back to skating and Craig says he’s disappointed in her being the mean girl in the high school hallway.

Pizza and other food arrives. Bailey presents Shep with the painting. I can paint better, but he says it’s the best birthday gift ever. In her interview, Landon (who I dislike more every minute) makes nasty comments. I know I just made a snarky comment, but if this was my friend, I’d at least be polite for the show. Oh man, she is just so creepy for someone who is over the age of 14. Craig calls Kathryn and gets no answer.

Shep calls Kathryn. She says she didn’t know about the party until she got Craig’s voicemail. Shep says Landon didn’t send out formal invites, but Kathryn says that’s not true since Thomas got one and the rest of them were cc’d. Shep is pretty pissed because he told Landon he wanted Kathryn to be invited and apologizes to Kathryn. She says she knows it wasn’t his fault and tells him happy birthday.

Shep tells the others Kathryn never got an invite. Landon says Kathryn can make up whatever she wants, and we all know she’s lying through her teeth. She says Kathryn is lucky she was invited and if she doesn’t come who cares. Shep says he cares. Um…this was supposed to be his birthday party. Landon is even more selfish than Thomas is. For whatever reason, Landon says she’s angry and skates away.

Next time, Craig gives Naomie a ring, Landon makes an idiot of herself careerwise, and JD tells Craig he’s not in the position to lead the bourbon division.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Yay! Another idiot! I am so disappointed with Leeanne. I had such high hopes.

Brandi has a couple of dogs and a bunny that’s amazingly cute. Brandi says her mother just dropped them all off one day and Bryan wants nothing to do with them. Just go to work, Bryan. Brandi says Stephanie has invited her and the kids on a trip to visit her folks in Oklahoma. Bryan whines that the bunny scratched him. Geez. Just get back to work, Bryan.

Leeanne goes to Heidi’s house. She says Heidi is someone you want to be friends with, which is enough to make me cross her off my list. She says Heidi is queen of the charity world. They’re doing an event for Paws Cause which is obviously an animal charity. Okay, Heidi does have a huge gorgeous dog, so maybe I’d be friends.

Leeanne asks Heidi to be honorary chair for a gig for women with AIDS. She says she just wants Heidi to sell tables and she’ll do the rest. Heidi agrees and they have more (more) champagne. Leeanne says the women don’t want a hand out, but a hand up.

Stephanie goes to Brandi’s house to pick up Brandi and the kids. Stephanie says it’s been a rough week and we flash back to Leeanne’s idiocy. They pack the kids into the car. Stephanie says this is not like a car commercial where the happy family goes on a trip. The kids are crying already and Brandi can’t get one of the dogs to come back inside. Stephanie says the car should come with a lifetime supply of Xanax. I think knowing Leeanne should come with that too.

Commercial break. Tour Group is coming back May 10. I thought that was a pretty interesting show. A group of embarrassing people on vacation, but you get to see some cool locations.

And BTW, AOL sucks. Why am I still with this dinosaur? Although I do like the pretty picture when you log on.

After about five minutes, the kids start with the “are we there yet?” stuff. Stephanie says the next time she buys a Mercedes, she’s making sure it comes with a nanny.

The Paws Cause event happens. Leeanne says pets are the reason she got involved with charity. She says she adopted a sick Pomeranian and when she was going to the vet, she met people who were involved with animal charities and she started getting involved. She redeems herself maybe a millimeter here.

Tiffany and Leeanne talk about the altercation with Brandi with Marie. Leeanne says it’s not about her or Brandi, but about behavior. Marie says they’re all invited to her cocktail party and wonders if this is going to be a problem.

Stephanie and Brandi arrive at Stephanie’s childhood home. Her parents seem sweet and Stephanie says she likes bringing the kids there so they can experience the important things in life. She says her family is refreshing rather than judgmental.

They make deviled eggs and of course Brandi has to point out they smell like farts. Some things never change.

The rest of Stephanie’s family arrives. It’s a pretty small town and Brandi has to explain what Uber is. Dinner is served and dad does the blessing. Stephanie grew up in the Pentecostal church, and wasn’t even allowed to dance growing up. She talks about Lola’s Tanning & Liquor, and how she went to the liquor store to tan as a kid.

Brandi says her family couldn’t have been more different. The family was pulled apart by her grandparent’s divorce. She says growing up, her mother made dinner, but she and her brothers ate in front of the TV.

Cary and Mark are done with surgery for the day. He asks her if she wants to go home and have “sexy time.” She’s taking Tiffany to yoga class. Mark asks when she’s taking him, but she says he gets private yoga at home. I go ♫ la-la-la! ♫

Tiffany hasn’t done yoga in a while, and says she’s never seen anything like Cary’s pretzel moves. She’s taking notes for her own sexy time.

Stephanie’s parents bring out all her scrapbook stuff — pictures and awards and yearbooks. She says growing up, she didn’t get everything she wanted, but she feels guilty now that she has more than she thinks she deserves. Brandi says it’s the simple things that bring you together and that are the most important.

Tiffany and Cary go to a juice bar after yoga. Tiffany says she was glad to go to the class, since she hadn’t found a place yet and it’s not like LA. Tiffany brings up Leeanne. She’s known her for years and says at first she couldn’t stand her, and that she puts up a lot of walls. Cary says she’s raised a lot of money, but she’s not a socialite like she claims. Tiffany says all those people love her and Cary says maybe so, but she’s not one of them. I think this might be a huge part of Leeanne’s problem. She’s totally insecure because she’s not one of the people she panders to.

Tiffany brings up Mad Hatter’s and that stupid hat. Tiffany says Cary is friends with Stephanie and Stephanie is friends with Brandi and it puts her in an awkward position. I can barely follow that. Cary says she’d like to be friends with Tiffany. Tiffany can’t wait for Marie’s cocktail party so she can let her hair down.

Brandi calls her grandfather, having been inspired by the family trip. He asks if she got the Easter package and she says yes and thanks him. She thanks him for being there for her mom and he says that’s what families are for. She asks him to come and visit. He says he’d love to.

Leeanne says once a month, they have a girls night out and take turns hosting. This month it’s Marie. Brandi and Stephanie have a kiki. Stephanie says she’s in a good space after seeing her family. Brandi is nervous to see Leeanne, since she’s been trying to get other people to not like Stephanie. That’s the part that really bugs me. If you don’t like someone, fine. If you want to talk about how you don’t like them, fine. But don’t do that you can’t be friends with me if you’re friends with her crap. Brandi says if someone has an issue with her, they should speak to her directly. Yep. Because we’re not in high school anymore. You know it never really goes away, right?

Tiffany tells Brandi she’s a real person and she wants to get to know her individually. She talks about the hat thing and Brandi just wants to get a drink. I understand this. Someone once stood between me and a buffet table when I was starving and wouldn’t stop asking me stupid questions about their camera when I was having trouble with my own camera. Leeanne makes snarky comments in her interview.

Cary talks to Leeanne and I get the feeling she’s rolling her eyes in her head a lot. Marie has invited one guy to girls night, Taylor. Leeanne is making barking noises (I’m not kidding) and he wonders why Marie is friends with her. Taylor chats with Brandi and Stephanie and gossips about Leeanne. He says you have to walk on eggshells around her. Leeanne talks to someone whose name I missed, telling her how much better she is than everyone else and how she knows they’re talking about her.

Taylor sings Brandi’s tune and tells them about Leeanne crapping her pants when she was really wasted. TMI. Brandi wonders if she has a spare turd in her purse.

Cary and Tiffany talk to Brandi and Stephanie outside. Brandi asks about the pants crapping incident and Tiffany asks who told her that. Brandi says that Leeanne is a bitch and should talk to her if she has anything to say. In her interview, Tiffany says the elephant in the room is so big, there’s no oxygen left. She wants them to air their grievances to each other’s faces.

Tiffany calls Leeanne over. She says things need to be said and people need to be heard. Brandi says she’s sorry she has no manners and asks if she should call Leeanne “Miss Leeanne.” Tiffany brings up something Leeanne said about Brandi and Leeanne says it wasn’t meant in a bad way and that she doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body. Brandi tells her she’s full of it and I concur.

Brandi says Leeanne doesn’t know who she is. She brings up what happened when she apologized about doing an impression of her. Leeanne says she appreciates that Brandi hasn’t lived half her life and is so much younger and ignorant . Leeanne throws her champagne glass on the ground and Brandi says she’s really classy. Leeanne acts like a brat, telling Stephanie that if she keeps defending a piece of trash like Brandi, her charity world is going to go down the drain. Brandi is like, I can’t believe what you called me. Leeanne stomps out and Stephanie starts crying. Brandi says Leeanne isn’t going to ruin Stephanie because of her. Stephanie says Leeanne is crazy.

To be continued.

Next time, Tiffany and Leeanne get into it, Brandi’s grandfather comes to visit, and Stephanie gets a two million dollar bracelet. Bite him again, bunny.