Tag Archives: The Real Housewives

Apr6

April 5, 2016 — GH, Loving Wrong & Good-by Dubai

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sam wonders why anyone would want Rachel Berlin dead, but Jason says maybe they were after Hayden.

Hayden thanks Curtis for walking her back home. He thinks it’s a bad idea for her to return to Windemere unless she has a death wish.

Elizabeth says this isn’t what Nicholas is and if he tries to murder Hayden again he could end up in prison and where will that leave Spencer?

Griff is playing sheriff opposite Emma’s doctor. Ha-ha! He says he has a serious case of hat head. Emma says she’s been a doctor for a long time, but it’s the worst she’s seen. She says she’s a doctor though, not a barber, but then says that was a line from Star Trek. Anna comes in and they tell her they’re playing cowboys and neurosurgeons. Sonny knocks at the door.

Michael meets Dante at the gym. Dante wants to know Sonny’s plans for Carrrlos.

Tracy comes to and Finn is there. He tells her she had another seizure and they’re waiting on test results. Dillon and Ned come in with some food, but Finn wants to see them out in the hall. Finn says it would appear they didn’t catch the infestation in time and Dillon asks if Tracy is dying.

Anna invites Sonny in. Emma says she has another cowboy hat, but Sonny says his wife thinks they don’t look good on him. She tells Griff he has a hat face and he’d also look good in a tutu, and Anna tells a story about Duke playing with her in a tutu. She says Finn is following in Duke’s footsteps and he’d be proud.

Michael acts clueless. Dante says he should have been a lawyer. Dante thinks Sonny knew already and told him. He asks Michael again what Sonny’s plans are.

Hayden says she just wants what’s hers. She says Nicholas owes her a nice life for the one he tried to take from her. Curtis says she got a second chance, so why tempt fate? Hayden is like, so what should I do? Waitress? She says she earned every penny she made when she was in finance. She tells him how Nicholas won’t honor the prenup. Curtis says money is like an addiction.

Sam says Hayden either doesn’t know where her father’s money is or doesn’t have access to it. Sam says she has to tell Nicholas about Hayden’s involvement with Tracy, and maybe he can put two and two together.

Elizabeth wants Nicholas to tell her what he’s going to do. He says he’s going home to Hayden and that’s all she needs to know. She gets a text from the hospital and has to leave.

Finn says Tracy isn’t responding as well as they’d like. Monica comes by and Finn explains that Tracy had a seizure because of water build up on the brain. Obrecht overhears and says they have to operate immediately.

Finn says he needs to look at the CAT scan, but if it shows what he thinks it will, surgery will be recommended. Elizabeth shows up and Monica tells her to get ready just in case. Paul comes by and Ned tells him to butt out and get lost. Dillon thinks Tracy might need more support and wants Paul to stay. Ned says to keep Paul away from him.

Finn sees the CAT scan and says they will have to operate. Dillon wants Griff and not Dr. Mays, but Finn says they should ask Tracy who she wants.

Sam and Jason come to Nicholas’s hotel room. Nicholas says he told Sam her services were no longer required, but she says she has information and asks if he wants to hear it.

Dante tells Michael that if Carrrlos turns up dead, Sonny will be the prime suspect. Michael tells him to ask Sonny about it, not him.

Emma goes upstairs to get her telescope. Anna says Sonny can trust Griff. Sonny says they have a location for Carrrlos. Griff says he guesses forgiveness is off the table and Sonny says justice comes first. Griff has to go back to the hospital.

Sonny tells Anna that Griff is a little judgmental with the kumbaya stuff. Anna says he’ll feel differently once Carrrlos is in custody. Sonny holds up a flash-drive.

Anna looks at the information on the computer and says Carrrlos must be on the run again. Anna asks if Sonny meant what he said about bringing Carrrlos to justice.

Sam tells Nicholas about Tracy saying Rachel was her secret weapon. She says it looks like they were working together to get ELQ. Nicholas says Hayden had been playing him all along. Sam sees that Nicholas is packing and asks if Hayden is gone now.

Hayden says she’s not addicted to money and that money junkies spend it like water and that’s not her. Curtis says why risk her life if not for the money. She says the money is a huge part of it, but it’s not for her. She wants to pay back her father’s investors. Curtis asks her if she’s rehearsing that speech for Nicholas. Hayden asks what’s in it for Curtis.

Finn says they’ve adjusted the medication to prevent another seizure and Tracy should be the one to make the decision about who is going to operate. Monica tells Dillon and Ned not to look frightened when they go into Tracy’s room. Finn says as things turned out, surgery is going to be required. She says she wants Griff to perform the surgery.

Anna and Emma come to the hospital.

Curtis says it’s always good to back a winner. Hayden says she’d hate to see his idea of rock bottom. He says she’s a survivor and he can’t wait to see how it turns out. He asks what she plans on doing when Nicholas gets home.

Nicholas says he’s going home because he loves Hayden and wants to save his marriage. He wants to find out what the reality of the situation is, and he’ll deal with it then. Sam says that’s crazy, but he says it’s his marriage. He thanks Sam for doing her job and asks her and Jason to leave.

Sonny, who apparently is completely fine now, comes into the gym and spars with Dante. He asks why Dante called him. Dante says he was wondering what Sonny’s plans are about Carrrlos.

Michael, with a really bad hairdo, shows up at the hospital and Ned explains Tracy needs surgery. Griff comes in and Obrecht tells him that Tracy wants him to perform the surgery.

Paul sees Anna and Emma. Anna tells Emma to go visiting. Paul says Emma seems to have adjusted well to her new life. Anna tells him she’s supposed to call Robin with an update, but she gave Robin her phone. Paul offers his.

Dante says he talked to Michael. Sonny says it’s not fair to talk to Michael about him, since he doesn’t involve the kids in the business. Dante tells Sonny if he finds Carrrlos, not to kill him.

Anna says she won’t be long. She pretends to have a bad connection so she can move away from him. When she gets out of sight, she takes a card out of the phone.

Sam tells Jason she should be glad Nicholas wants to wreck his own life, but Spencer deserves better. She thinks it’s crazy that he wants to stay married to Hayden. Jason says maybe Hayden has something on him.

Finn tells Griff that his record is very impressive, but he’ll be by his side for the operation. Monica asks Tracy how she’s doing. Tracy says Monica might think she’s going to live in the mansion by herself, but she’s sticking around until Alice has to carry them both upstairs.

Obrecht is concerned about Griff performing surgery on a major hospital donor. She says she has every confidence in him and Finn, but if it doesn’t go well, may God have mercy on their souls.

Elizabeth is going to be assisting. Because she knows Tracy, Griff asks if she’s going to be okay with it. Elizabeth says if it helps any, she and Tracy aren’t that close. Griff says he thinks people find their strength when things are at their worst.

Tracy is wheeled down the hall. Ned and Dillon are there, and Tracy says she wants eggs Benedict for breakfast. Ned suggests Cook sending over scrambled eggs and caviar. She says she’ll have both. Tracy tells Monica to keep her hands off her jewelry, but Monica says she’s not into costume pieces. Tracy says they haven’t seen the last of her and is wheeled into surgery.

Dante says he knows how Sonny works and that he wants to send a message. Dante suggests he not kill Carrrlos, but turn him over to the authorities. Dante hopes Sonny finds him first because if he shows up dead, Sonny will be blamed.

Nicholas goes home. Hayden says it’s the beginning of a beautiful friendship, without secrets and illusion. He says remind him to get her a dictionary, so she can look up the meaning of friendship. She says they’re two people who love a challenge and they have a connection. He says not anymore and she amends it to attraction. Nicholas wonders what her plan is. She says she hopes he kept the receipt for her shooting since she’s still there. She says she had Alfred set another place for dinner. Curtis is going to be staying with them for a while. Nice move!

Sam says the only secret she can think of is Jason’s identity, which is obviously out. They talk about Hayden getting shot. They come to the conclusion that Hayden figured out that Nicholas was behind it.

Tomorrow, Jason says Nicholas is capable of anything, Alexis visits Parker, and Carly begs Sonny not to put himself in the line of fire.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Lushion introduces Claudia to Natalie. There’s an awkward moment and Claudia excuses herself. Natalie asks why Claudia was all up in Lushion’s face. He says he was just giving her some work tips. Natalie deletes Claudia’s number from Lushion’s phone, even though he says he was just about to do that.

Lushion asks Natalie if she’s satisfied and she says maybe. He asks what she’s doing there and she tells him she brought him a meal. He says last he remembers is her cursing him out and telling him to get lost. She says she cares about him and asks if he’s doing anything illegal. He says no and she asks where he got the money from. He says he saved it. Natalie doesn’t understand how he saved so much on his salary. Lushion says he earned the money, that’s all she needs to know and he’s not fighting about it. She says okay, but asks him to promise that no one will hurt her kids if he gets into trouble. He says as long as he’s breathing, no one will hurt her or the kids.

She asks about Eddie and Lushion says he shot him eight times. Natalie almost freaks, but Lushion says Eddie was wearing a vest. Natalie says he could have killed Eddie. Lushion says if Eddie had hurt her, he would have. She calls him an OG, but he says he just doesn’t like the people he loves messed with. Natalie gives him a new key to her place and they get flirty. I like Lushion. I’m glad Natalie got a clue. He’s like that mighty good man of song fame.

Alex is still at Kelly’s with the baby, who I hope they give a name to soon. Kelly tells Alex she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way and Alex says she does. Kelly says everyone messes up, and it’s time for her to move on. Alex says it’s difficult when you’ve caused so much pain. Kelly says it’s been months. She says Alex has lost herself and wonders when that happened.

Kelly says when she first met Alex, she was a happy, strong and filled with life, and she has to get herself back. Alex asks how. Kelly says don’t ask how, do something. Alex asks what. Kelly doesn’t know, but says Alex can’t just live life reactive and she needs to make another choice.

Jerkface Eddie asks Claudia how it’s going. He tells her if she ever needs anything, he’s right there. She says she does need something and asks how Pete is. Eddie says probably dead by now and apologizes for being abrupt. He asks if she knew Pete and she says not really. He tries to flirt, but Claudia isn’t having any. She says she knows he’s with Esperanza, but he says that was over a long time ago. He says they should go out sometime, but Claudia says Esperanza already hates her. He tries flirting again, but crosses the line and she says he’s bordering sexual harassment. Eddie says he has a lot of pull around the station and she should be nicer. He tries to give her his number and she won’t take it.

Esperanza comes in and tells Claudia she needs to clock out. She wants Eddie to leave her office, but he won’t. She tries to grill Claudia on some procedures, but Claudia is flummoxed. Esperanza asks Eddie to leave again and he does. Claudia stumbles over telling her about talking to Eddie. Esperanza says she doesn’t care, but she’s concerned about Claudia’s lack of knowledge considering her resume. She says maybe this isn’t the job for her, but Claudia says she needs it. Esperanza says she’d better start showing some promise then.

Steven tells the guys that it looks like Pete is going to make it. He says the captain wants an officer with him at all times and an officer volunteers. He says he worked at the hospital and knows Pete. Steven makes some crap up as to why he shouldn’t do it. Ben volunteers. Lushion does too, but Steven says they need him on the streets. Ben is given the 8 to 8 shift.

Lushion is left alone with the guy who first volunteered. The officer thinks something weird is going on and Ben shouldn’t be guarding Pete. He tells Lushion he can’t say anymore. He says you can’t trust anyone there, especially Eddie, and that’s all he’s going to say. Lushion says he can see he’s scared and the officer says Lushion should be too. He talks about all the rookies who have been killed and tells Lushion to watch his back. He says if someone doesn’t look out for Pete, he’ll be dead by morning because he knew something that pissed someone off.

Alex and Kelly’s kids get off the school bus and Kelly directs them to her place. Paisley says the baby is beautiful and asks how he got a tan. Kelly’s son, Justice, tries to interject, but she stops him and they leave the room. Alex says she did something really bad to their dad. Paisley says Peter told her already. Peter says he heard them fighting and that he knows Alex and Randal had an affair. Paisley asks if Alex kissed Randal and when Alex says yes, she asks why. Alex says it was wrong and she shouldn’t have done it. She tells the kids that she and Brad are getting a divorce. Peter gets upset and goes to do his homework with Justice. Paisley tells Alex she loves her. Paisley says it will be okay and Alex agrees.

Insane Randal comes home. Louise is making dinner and asks where he went. He says he had important business to take care of. Louise asks again where he was and he says he went to see his lawyers. She asks what they told him about the divorce. He says he went to a family attorney, not a divorce attorney. Louise asks what he’s up to. He says he wanted to know his legal rights to his child. He says it’s his only child and Alex won’t let him see the baby. Louise says he shouldn’t see the baby now because everything is already out of control. She says he did all of this on purpose. He’s a psychologist who was a straight A student, and he manipulated Alex and Marcie. She says there’s malicious intent in what he did and it was no accident that Alex got pregnant just so he could have a son. She says she never thought Randal could sink lower than his father. He brings up Marcie and Brad, but Louise won’t have it. He says okay, he started it, but he’s going to finish it too. The judge granted an emergency hearing and he’s getting his child. Louise leaves the room disgusted.

Marcie is unpacking at the new apartment when Brad arrives. It’s a pretty nice place. They talk about how small it is. Marcie asks if he’d like some wine, but he wants something stronger. She points him toward the liquor. They both agree they’ve had long days. Marcie doesn’t have a drink, probably because she’s still drunk from that bender she was on for weeks.

She says they’ll have to share a bathroom, but Brad says he’s not a slob. Brad wonders what will happen when Alex and Randal find out they’re roommates. Marcie says she doesn’t care and Brad says neither does he. Marcie says she’s not a great cook and Brad says he knows, he’s had her cooking, and offers her some lessons.

Brad asks how long they’re doing this. Marcie says as long as it takes to heal, breathe and move on. Marcie says she’s going to bed. Brad says it’s not even five, but she says she could sleep for fifteen hours. Brad asks if he can hold her because he needs to be held. They hug. Marcie says she wishes she could say yes, but she has to say no. Brad says he understands and she says they can’t do this again. She says she’s sorry she put him in this situation and that she came over to his yard with every intention of sleeping with him. She says she was never so vulnerable, depleted and drunk, and it can’t happen again. Brad says he gets it and understands.

Marcie says she’s sorry and Brad says him too. She asks why. He says sex with her was better than it ever was with Alex and she made him feel desired, alive and wanted. He says he’s going to bury himself in work, and Marcie says good. He realizes he left his computer back at the house, but Marcie doesn’t want him to drive after drinking. She says she’ll take him and she’ll wait in the car.

Louise is leaving. I don’t want Louise to leave. She’s one of my favorite characters and the voice of reason. Randal asks if there’s too much drama, but Louise says it’s him that’s too much. She gives him a hug, trying not to cry. She says it’s probably the last time she’s going to see him, that she can feel it, adding that it’s all too much. Randal says he’s fine. They see Marcie drive up with Brad.

Randal starts walking over to the car, and Louise tells him no and tries to stop him. Randal tries to hassle Marcier. He gets in her face and Louise drags him out of the car and pushes him back toward the house while he laughs like a lunatic.

A process server comes up to Brad and hands him the court order, saying he’s been served. Marcie tells him not to open it. I can’t figure out why Brad would be involved in this, since it’s Alex and Randal’s child. Randal does some more crazy laughing.

Next week, Eddie says dead men tell no tales, Brad tries to see Alex, Randal hassles Kelly, and Alex tells Randal he was the worst mistake of her life and she’ll show him how far a mother will go to protect her child. Alrighty then!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Dubai, part two. The ladies get in a white Rolls to go shopping. LisaV wonders if LisaR is her friend and Kyle says at least she didn’t get slapped this time. Eileen, LisaR and Erika are in one car, with LisaV, Kyle and Kathryn in the other.

The go to the largest mall I’ve ever seen and get into chauffeured golf carts to go around to the stores. Kyle says she’s overwhelmed and wishes she was an octopus with eight credit cards. Erika says you can find things in Dubai that you can’t find in the states. I’ll have to take her word for it.

LisaV thinks Eileen and LisaR are ignoring her. Kyle is already freaking about their next adventure, going up in the world’s tallest building. Yep, it’s big. Olga, their guest ambassador, is escorting them to the 148th floor, three at a time. The elevator is very small.

Olga takes them to the observation deck. Yep, that’s high up. I went to the top of the World Trade Center years ago, and that was pretty high, but this thing is up in the clouds. Eileen says she feels like if she moves forward, she’ll plunge off. That’s a symptom of vertigo, Eileen. Kyle coaches LisaV as to how to apologize to Eileen, and she does. Eileen is good with it and they hug.

Yolanda gets together with Brandi and Kim for a picnic. Eww! I thought she was smarter than this. She says what you see with them is what you get. I agree with that, but I don’t like what I see. Brandi says blah, blah, blah about being promiscuous. Brandi is wearing a shirt that says “it’s not fun to be sober,” which is really nice considering Kim is an alcoholic. She gives Kim a shirt that says “medicated.” No comment.

Erika’s gay glam squad is doing Kathryn’s makeup. It’s her birthday. Kathryn says that if she could ask for one gift, it would be that everyone get along for the night. Amen, sista.

Yolanda says people aren’t about fixing things anymore and will toss you aside like an old shoe when you’re sick. Kim says it’s all about today and you shouldn’t look back. Yolanda says it’s been a rough year for all of them. Yolanda spills something on her bag and Brandi says lucky she’s rich, which is actually funny.

The ladies go out on a yacht for Kathryn’s birthday. LisaR says she’s never been on a yacht. Really? Even I’ve been on a yacht. It’s a beautiful night and they’re going to cruise the coastline. It’s absolutely gorgeous.

Eileen asks LisaR how she’s feeling. The ladies are in the same groups that they were in the cars. LisaV basically says she told Eileen what she wanted to hear. Eileen says Yolanda and LisaV have issues and she’s using LisaR to get to Yolanda. I dunno about that. LisaR thinks they hate each other and they’re pawns in the game. That’s definitely getting overly-dramatic.

Erika is like, is this a party or an oil painting? Kathryn gets a call from her mom, who she’s very close to. She tells her she’s the best mom in the world. Her mom has been struggling with memory loss, so the call is even more special. Everyone gets emotional. LisaR says her mother doesn’t call anymore due to a stroke years ago. LisaR and Eileen leave the table to discuss. Eileen says most of the time her mom doesn’t know her anymore. Sad emoji.

Kyle tells LisaV that nobody feels good when something happens like the altercation the night before. Eileen says she has sympathy for Lisa because she feels the need to control things. The ladies all get back together and there’s some swearing, which is illegal, but Erika says they’re on a boat for Pete’s sake.

They have dinner on the deck. Kyle says things are awkward and they can’t not talk, and they shouldn’t be dividing up into corners. LisaV says she doesn’t understand some of the things LisaR does, and it’s probably vice versa. LisaR says she thinks the problem is that LisaV is angry with Yolanda, going back to when Yolanda got nasty with Ken. LisaV says she felt protective the same way LisaR did with Harry in Amsterdam. In Kyle’s interview, she says that there are definitely issues between LisaV and Yolanda. LisaV says LisaR would feel the same way.

Eileen says LisaR’s feeling is that she was being set up with the Munchausens thing. LisaR says LisaV wanted her and Kyle to take the fall. I can’t believe they’re still belaboring this point. LisaV says she wouldn’t do that to Kyle. LisaR says that’s her reality and she’s sticking to it. She and Eileen keep trying to drag Kyle into it, while Kyle wants the floor to swallow her up. They go back and forth a million times. Kathryn thinks the whole thing is embarrassing. In her individual interview, Erika says it’s a leveraged relationship between Kyle and LisaV, not a friendship.

It just keeps going around and around. Eileen is annoyed because she thinks Kyle is pleasing LisaV to keep their friendship alive. Eileen leaves the table. Kyle tells LisaR she cares about LisaV and that’s the way it is. LisaR says that’s it then. Everyone leaves, and Kyle and LisaV are at the table alone.

Kyle says she loves LisaV who’s like a sister to her, but she’s been put in a bad position. She says she looks like an idiot. Eileen moves toward the table and Kathryn tells her to stay out of it. Kyle says she was covering LisaV’s ass. In her individual interview, LisaV says Kyle straddles the fence sometimes. Kyle asks her to just say that maybe she said something wrong, but LisaV isn’t okay with that.

Kyle says she’s copped to things she’s said about LisaV and she won’t tell a lie. Lisa says she’s not asking her to lie and Kyle says no, she’s asking Lisa not to. She tells Lisa she’s not telling the truth.

Kathryn says this is like two shades of batsh*t crazy. Ever over-the-top, LisaR says they’re all collateral damage in the game between LisaV and Yolanda. Please. This bunch should just drop it and move on.

Kyle ends up saying she doesn’t care and just wants to drop it. She tells LisaV not to say anymore. In her individual interview, Kyle says she’s disappointed and that Lisa always has to have the last word. That might be true, since every time Kyle says let’s drop it, Lisa continues to say she never said that.

Kyle goes to get the cake. Eileen says it’s a weird time to be bringing it out and Kyle says she doesn’t care. Kyle brings out the cake. Kathryn wishes for health and happiness, and asks everyone to be civil to one another. LisaV gives Kathryn a beautiful wallet.

The ladies meet for breakfast. LisaV and Kyle are getting ready together and gossiping. At the table, Kyle asks what everyone’s favorite part of the trip was. The view is popular and also the desert. Eileen says everything was bigger than life, including the drama. Erika thanks Kyle for her first girls trip. They toast.

Next week, the finale, Faye Resnick returns, LisaR calls out Yolanda for being manipulative, Kim and LisaR tangle, and Yolanda is getting divorced from that rotten cretin of a husband she is too good for.

Apr4

April 3, 2016 — The Land of Oz, the Dead Finale, Cait, Atlanta & Potomac

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Back in the Land of Oz, Zelena looks into her magic mirror and sees her mother, Rose MacGowan, giving her away as a baby. The computer generated Scarecrow drops in. Zelena needs some things for her time travel spell — innocence, love, courage and wisdom. She’s thinking of starting with the Scarecrow’s brain for wisdom, but Dorothy storms in.

Dorothy says she has the most powerful weapon of all, the love of the people. Zelena is about to throw a green fireball at her, when Toto, who is used to this gig, brings down the curtain — on Zelena’s head.

Hades tries to hurry Gold up, but he says the magic can’t be rushed. Hades wants a portal to Storybrooke and he wants it now.

Back in Storybrooke, Belle is tending to Zelena’s baby with Mother Superior’s help. Except Mother Superior is really Zelena who’s come for her baby.

Gold asks Hades what he wants with Zelena’s child. Hades isn’t talking though. He says just get him the baby, he’ll rip up the contract, and Gold’s second born child will belong to Gold and Belle again.

Zelena picks up the baby. The real Mother Superior draws a weapon, but Zelena thinks she’s bluffing. Gold is putting some of his own blood in the cauldron and all of a sudden a portal opens up in the middle of the room. No baby though.

Belle, Zelena and the baby are in the middle of nowhere. A nowhere with a red sky. Zelena recognizes it as the Underworld. Zelena says they’re here because of her, and that Hades wants her baby. She begs Belle to hand the baby over, but while Zelena is incapacitated, Belle jets.

In past Oz, Zelena pressures the Munchkins as to the Scarecrow’s whereabouts. Hades drops in and she asks who the hell he is, which he says is a more appropriate question than she knows. He says her handiwork has impressed him and he’s heard a rumor she’s dabbling in time travel. Zelena says she would have had the brain from the Scarecrow if it hadn’t been for Dorothy. Hades wants to help her out, but she wonders why he’d want a time travel spell. He won’t tell her and she says she doesn’t need his help.

Snow and David are at the Underworld diner. Snow is fretting about Neil. The proprietress tells them they can speak to him; it’s just a simple haunting. She has David breathe into a tube as payment because the breath of the living brings a nice price on the black market. She tells them to go down the street to the phone booth and tell the operator who they’d like to haunt. Doesn’t the diner have a phone? I guess the Underworld is the only place with a public phone now.

Henry has written some more story, but doesn’t remember writing it. Everyone has their ideas and he suggests maybe they’d like to write it themselves. Zelena knocks at the door. Regina asks if she’s dead, but she says she came through the portal along with her baby, who’s in danger.

Hades shows up at Zelena’s place in old Oz. He tells her he can help; he wasn’t just blowing smoke. He says he knows she’s thinking about her sister, who got everything while she didn’t. He says he gets it, because his brother Zeus put him in the same position. All he was left with was anger and a thirst for vengeance, and only true love’s kiss can free him. Zelena says she can give him a run for his money and he says that’s why they have to find the ingredients. He says he can find the scarecrow and if he can travel back in time, he’ll be the one on Olympus while his brother suffers.

Robin says he can track anyone and will find the baby. Belle takes the baby into a library. An elevator opens and Gold comes out. He asks what she’s doing there and if she’s dead. She says no, she’s there with Zelena. He says that explains why the spell didn’t work — it brought all three of them. He explains about the deal he made with Hades. Belle is surprised to find out she’s pregnant, with a baby that Gold already sold. He says that can be fixed and she’s upset that he’s the Dark One again.

He takes out the dagger and says he loves it, but he loves Belle too. He says he’s sorry though, but this is who he is. He doesn’t want to let the power go again. Belle asks not even for her? He says falling in love with the man behind the beast wasn’t what she did. She fell in love with the man and the beast, and one doesn’t exist without the other. She says she can’t deal with it, and he says she just has to choose to, and they can have a family and happiness. She says she doesn’t want to make any choices until he fixes things and she’s back in Storybrooke.

There’s a pretty long line for the phone booth.

Zelena asks what they named the baby. Robin says he’s been too busy protecting her to name her. Regina says she was like Zelena once, but her enemies became her family and now she’s happy. She says that when family needs your help, you step up. Zelena says her family does need her help — her daughter is her family.

Back in the day, Hades and Zelena go to the forest where he brings out a bicycle. He tells her to get on it with him and they ride through the forest. She says it’s like a broom with wheels. They take a tumble and get a little flirty. She asks how the bike is going to help. Hades says the bike is enchanted and belongs to Dorothy. It will take them to the Scarecrow.

Belle, carrying the baby, meets the others in the woods. Belle wonders what Zelena is doing here. Belle says Zelena stole the baby, but Zelena says it’s her baby. The baby starts to cry and Zelena wants to feed her. Robin says she’d better give the baby back when she’s done. Zelena gives the baby a bottle, but refuses to return her.

Snow and David join the others. They’re not sure if there was actual communication or the dead just hear their voices.

Zelena tries to calm the baby, but her magic won’t work.

Old days Hades and Zelena ride to a cabin where Dorothy and the Scarecrow are. Dorothy tries to intervene, but Zelena gets the Scarecrow’s brain. Zelena says she’s not going to kill Dorothy because she wants Dorothy’s people to know she can’t protect them. Zelena tells Hades he was right, but he’s disappeared, leaving only the bike.

Robin and the crew try to get Zelena to come out. She brings the baby out and says she can’t protect her. She says Hades wants to use her for a time travel spell. She says he had love in his heart and because of her, it’s gone. Regina says he needs the baby because it’s a symbol of innocence. Zelena tells them to take the baby and protect her, even if it’s at the expense of her never seeing her baby again.

Robin doesn’t want to name the baby yet, as Hades can do things like put it on a gravestone to keep someone there. Henry comes out with more of the story. He says he doesn’t remember writing it; it just wrote himself. It’s about Neil hearing the voices of his parents. Lots of warm fuzzies. Snow wants to get moving. She says they’re taking down Hades.

In old Oz, Hades has prepared a wonderful dinner for Zelena. She asks if it’s a farewell dinner, but he says he’s not going back. He says it’s true love between them. He says his heart fluttered for a moment on the bike and he believes his heart will start again and he’ll be free. They almost kiss, but Zelena stops it. She says she almost believed him, but she thinks he just wants to steal the brain for the spell. She says love isn’t enough. Hades says he doesn’t want revenge any more; he wants her and loves her. She says no one can love her and even if so, it would take away her chance for revenge. She tells him to get lost and he says she’ll regret it.

Zelena and Hades meet in the Underworld. He says he was looking for her. She says he was looking for the baby and she was just a happy accident. She says she thought she’d make it easy, but if he touches the baby, he’ll be sorry. He says he’d never hurt her because true love endures. He says he was trying to rescue the baby from the others. He tells her he made the Underworld look like Storybrooke for her, so she could have what her sister did. He says despite his best intentions, things don’t grow there, they decay, but it’s their decay. He says what better revenge is there than having it all? He says now they have to get their baby. Zelena says she wants to trust him, but she can’t. She says she’ll get her daughter back on her own.

Zelena never knew her own birthday and Hades tells her it’s April 15 (tax day — ha-ha!). He tortured it out of the miller’s daughter. He says he knows she doesn’t need anyone, but if she decides she wants him, he’ll be waiting at home as he always has. And he disappears, poof! in a puff of smoke

Next week, Gaston arrives, Hades tries to get Belle’s baby, and Gaston tries to kill Gold.

The Walking Dead

Morgan is tromping through the forest. He sees a sign that says “You Are Alive.” Nearby is a saddled horse. No surprise, there’s someone else in the woods — the guy who picked up Carol’s rosary.

A guy runs through the forest. Someone is chasing him. And whistling.

Rick and company need to find a doctor for Maggie. Carl tells Enid she has to stay behind. He says the Saviors are out there and she knows what they’ve done and tried to do, and it’s not happening to her. Enid says she’s going. Rick doesn’t want to bring Eugene, but Eugene insists. Carl agrees to let Enid come along, but then locks her in a closet. She says what if he doesn’t come back. He says she’ll survive somehow. Eugene, Abe and Sasha get into the RV. Spencer insists on coming too.

The guy in the woods has been caught. Spokesdude says he broke the rules and people had to die. They wanted to fight, so this is the way it has to be. They start beating the crap out of him.

Gabriel goes over the plan for those staying behind. He’s in charge and asks if Rick is comfortable with that. Rick says yes. Some guy asks if the Saviors show up if they should try and make a deal. Rick says wait for him. He has a deal for them. I’ll bet.

Morgan, now riding the horse, sees a bunch of dead guys. Then he sees Carol in a doorway. She says she told him not to come. He checks out her injuries.

Dude in the forest is now getting dragged out of the forest into the middle of the road. Spokesdude says they’re gong to make an example of him.

Maggie isn’t doing too well, but Rick says it will be okay. He says everything they’ve done, they’ve done together and everything has worked out because it’s been all of them. He says as long as it’s all of them, they can do anything.

Morgan dresses Carol’s wounds. He tells her she needs stitches and antibiotics. He says at dawn they’ll head back and get her some help. She says no. Like he’s going to listen.

The RV comes across the group of guys from the woods blocking their way. They get out of the van. Rick tells them they can make a deal. Spokesdude says that’s right, give them all the stuff. They’ll probably have to kill someone, but then they can move forward with business. Rick says that’s not going to work and he was actually going to ask for their stuff, but he doesn’t have to kill any more of them.

Another guy spray paints the almost-dead guy (?) and Spokesdude says he’s not going to negotiate. Rick says they’re leaving then. Rick asks if they want to make today their last day on earth. Spokesdude says no, but what if it’s the last day on earth for Rick or someone he loves? He says you never know. More last day on earth talk and Rick gets back in the RV. Abe backs it up down the road.

They park the RV to regroup. Carl asks Spencer why he didn’t stay at Alexandria. He says he owes her and asks why Carl came. He says he owes them. Eugene and Sasha plot out a new route.

Morgan tells Carol that Rick, Daryl and some of the others were looking for her too. He says they’ll be back by the time they get to Alexiandria. Carol says he can’t just tell her to come back. Morgan says her people care about her. She says she cares about them, that’s why she can’t be there. He says that’s why she has to be there. She says if you care about people, there are people you’ll kill for. If you don’t want to kill or can’t, you have to get away. Morgan says everything in this life is worth a damn and out there on her own, she’ll die. Carol says let her die then and Morgan says he can’t. Carol draws her gun and tells him to go. She lowers it and says please. She says if you care about anyone, you have to pay a price and she can’t anymore.

Abe asks Sasha if they could do it, what Maggie has done. He says he could do it now, just so she knows. Uh-oh, another blockade. Sasha asks if they’re making their stand. Carl says they end it now. Rick says not yet, but they’re playing it the way they want it and tells Abe to go slow.

There are a bunch of vehicles and guys with guns. They shoot into the air.

Morgan goes outside and sees a zombie hanging from some scaffolding, and several more outside the gate. He climbs up the scaffold, stabs the zombie in the head and cuts him down. When he goes back in, Carol is gone. Did he really think she was sticking around after that speech? He gets back on the horse and leaves.

In the RV, they talk about the men blocking them and that this was a different group. Their main concern is getting Maggie to some help. Oh man, what now? A horde of zombies is blocking the road. They’re chained together. Abe says putting together a Red Rover like that takes people, a lot of them. They realize each zombie signifies one of their group. Just as they’re about to dispatch the zombies, gunfire starts.

Miraculously, no one gets shot. They make it back to the RV and take off.

Commercial break. Next week is the season premiere of Fear the Walking Dead. I almost gave up on this one until they pulled out all the stops in the season finale. Looks like the new season is going to be an improvement.

Rick said the Saviors were trying to block the road, but didn’t stop them, so they want them to go in this direction. Maggie is burning up and Rick is getting worried. There it is. Another blockade. This time with a lot more people like a giant cheerleader pyramid. Rick tells Abe to go back.

Morgan continues to look for Carol. He sees someone freshly dead and sees a rosary. It’s not Carol though. Carol is stumbling though a farm. A not too bright zombie is banging around a dumpster and she closes the open ramp on him. Another zombie comes out of nowhere and she kills it. Then the guy who took her rosary comes out next and knocks her down. He draws a gun on her.

He tells her that she’s going to lie there and he’s going to watch her die like his friends did and that he’s going to die too, and let’s see who wins. He shoots her in the arm and says it’s a good start.

Commercial break. New show Outcast looks pretty decent.

Rick tells Maggie they’re getting there. She heard the shots, but Rick tells her it was the Saviors and they’re gone. He says the baby is okay and there will be more. Maggie says she believes in him.

Rosary dude asks Carol what she’s smiling about. She says she’s going to die, so there’s nothing wrong anymore. He shoots her again. He asks if she’s suffered enough and she says probably not. He doesn’t know what the blip to make of this. He starts walking away and she says unless he kills her now, she’s not going to die. She says he needs to decide. He comes back and is going to shoot, when Morgan shows up with a gun and tells him to drop it, please. He doesn’t and Morgan shoots him. Way to go, Morgan. Carol says to let her go, but he says it’s not her time.

Morgan turns around to see two pseudo-knights. He says he found their horse and his friend needs help. One of them says let’s get her some help then.

Rick and company come across yet another blockade, this time a burning one, and are looking around when a guy drops off the bridge behind them, hanging by his neck. They can’t waste a bullet on him though, so zombie he will be. A voice says something about their last day on earth and tells them to get out. They do.

Rick says Maggie needs a doctor now. Sasha says there are two more routes, but Rick says they’re waiting. Eugene says they’re waiting for the RV and it’s going to be dark soon. He and Eugene make a plan. Rick and the others are leaving with Maggie, and Eugene is going to keep driving. Eugene gives him a map to where the bullets are. Rick says they’re lucky to have Eugene and Eugene says he can’t argue with that. Abe tells Eugene he was wrong. Eugene is a survivor and always was, they just didn’t know it. They hug and I have a bad feeling about everything. And rightly so, since this is the season finale. Sad music while Eugene watches them leave.

Commercial break. Fear 462. The conclusion. Obrecht takes off her oxygen mask. Dude from Fear the Walking Dead sees the plane in the sky. We’ll find out what happens with the flight in the premiere.

The crew carries Maggie through the woods on a stretcher. Carl says they can do anything. They have and they will. He says he’s not going to let anyone die like Denise again. They hear whistling and take off running. They come to a clearing and are in a spotlight. There’s a ring of people around the clearing and the RV is there. A lot of whistling that’s more annoying than spooky. Rick looks totally freaked. Eugene is there on his knees.

Spokesdude says you made it to where you’re going, and takes their weapons. Rick suggests they talk, but Spokesdude says they’re done talking, now he’s going to listen. He comes up to Carl and says, “It’s yours, right?” He tells them to get on their knees. This is so not good. They take Maggie off the stretcher.

Dwight takes Michonne, Daryl, Rosita and Glenn out of a nearby truck. It’s time to finally meet Negan.

Negan comes out of a truck carrying a Flintstones style club. He asks who’s the leader and Dwight points out Rick. Negan introduces himself and says he doesn’t appreciate his people being killed. He tells Rick he has no idea how not cool that sh*t is, and he’s going to regret crossing him in a few minutes. He says you don’t cross New World Order. He tells Rick to give him his sh*t or he’ll kill him. He says today was career day and they invested a lot in showing them who he is and what he can do. They work for him now. They’re stuff belongs to him.

Negan says Rick ruled the roost, built something and thought they were safe, but they’re not even close to safe. He says what he wants is half of their stuff and this is their way of life now. The more they fight back, the harder it will be. He asks Rick if he understands, but Rick doesn’t say anything.

Negan says they’re going to be punished. He’s not going to kill Rick because he wants Rick to work for him and he can’t do that if he’s dead. He says Rick’s people killed more of his people than he’s comfortable with, and he can’t let that go, so he’s going to beat the holy hell out of one of them. He introduces his club as Lucille. I name it Wilma.

Negan walks down the line, talking macho bs. When he gets to Maggie, he tells her she looks sh*tty and he should put her out of her misery. Of course this makes Glenn go crazy. Dwight pulls him back. Negan tells them the first one is free, it’s an emotional moment, but don’t anybody do that again.

Next, Negan picks on Carl, knowing that he’s Rick’s son. He says he has to pick somebody. Ugh! He starts whistling and walking down the line again, saying he can’t decide. He does eeny, meeny, minie, moe. How old are we? Five? Everyone is all shaky and crying, which I find difficult to grasp after all they’ve been through. He says if anybody tries anything, he’ll take Carl’s other eye out and feed it to Rick. Alrighty then. He starts beating on someone but we can’t see who it is.

There’s a blank screen rip-off ending, with screams in the background.

Why is there never a season finale with Rick’s crowd ending up on top?

I Am Cait

This is funny. Jenny pronounces Monday “Mundee.” The girls make fun of this, but she’s actually correct. When I was in acting school, I took Standard American Speech and that is the way you’re supposed to pronounce it.

Kourtney calls Cait and Cait tells her that she’s meeting Scott in St. Louis. She wants to make sure it’s cool with Kourtney. Scott has been in rehab, so things are good between them. Cait explains to the girls that Kourtney and Scott had three kids, but never got married. I didn’t know that.

Cait asks Chandi why she thinks that many trans women of color are sex workers. Chandi says they’re more likely to be rejected by their parents, who would rather hear they’re gay. Cait wonders why they it’s difficult for them to get real jobs. Candis says it’s most likely a discrimination issue.

We see the St. Louis Arch. They must all be exhausted.

Apparently not that exhausted. Candis is working out with her personal trainer. They go out for a snack. The trainer, Andrew, asks her about dating and if she’s open with the men she dates. Candis says she has to be, and the reaction depends on the person. He asks what she likes and she says tall, dark and handsome (which he is) and he says he thinks it’s just around the corner.

Cait and Chandi have breakfast. Chandi feels there are some loose ends and wants to tell Cait about her past. She says before she started performing, she ran with the wrong crowd. She did some white collar crime, like writing bad checks, and ended up in prison. Wow. I wouldn’t have guessed that. It was pretty scary and Chandi never realized the repercussions being a felon would have. Chandi says her parents weren’t there for her, but only because she didn’t tell them. Everything was about trying to survive.

Scott comes to visit. Scott asks how it’s going on the bus and Cait says there’s a lot of interesting conversation. She thinks it will be good for Scott to meet the girls and hear about their experiences.

They all go to a bar and meet up with Van, a friend of Zachary’s. They joke about Scott being an honorary trans woman. Cait goes for a motorcycle ride. Candis follows, but takes a spill and goes back to the bar. Zachary talks about the high amount of trans women who are murdered. They’re going to a memorial for them.

Van talks about transitioning twice. She went back to being a male for a while because she couldn’t find a job. Cait identifies, having had hormone therapy in the 80s. Jenny talks to Scott about how to explain Cait’s transition to his children. She says in her experience, it’s a bigger deal to grown-ups than to kids. I’m sure.

The girls take a break from the bus and go on a riverboat cruise. St. Louis is a really beautiful city. And very clean. Chandi talks about the new term “pan sexual,” basically being open to anything and testing the waters. There’s some discussion about surgeries. Scott seems sincere about his interest in getting answers to questions he might be asked.

Chandi’s mom, Tina, meets them back at the hotel. They go out to dinner. I would totally gain weight on this trip. Andrew joins them. Jenny talks to Scott about his split from Kourtney. I have to admit, I’d always thought Scott was a bit of a d-bag, but he seems to be a decent guy.

Scott says that he hasn’t talked to Cait all night and he has to call it a day. He leaves and Candis suggests Cait has been ignoring him. They get back to the hotel, and Candis and Andrew get a drink. They step outside and Andrew gives Candis his jacket. Candis asks what Andrew is thinking. She says he’s cute and she could kiss him, but he says he doesn’t think he could go there just yet. She says on that note, she’s going to bed and she’ll call him. Yeah, that wasn’t the response I expected from him either.

The girls go to the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Andrew comes by Candis’s room. He tells her something came up and he has to fly out. He asks about last night. She says she felt like they had something, and assumed his hesitation is because of the trans thing. He says yes, but there’s no judgement, it’s just him. I would be okay with this, but he sure seemed like he was flirting, so why did he lead her on? Candis is understandably hurt. I feel hurt for her.

Cait has breakfast with Chandi and her mother. Cait asks Tina what her concerns were when Chandi first told her about transitioning. Tina says she questioned herself as a mom. She says she had a hard time at first because she’s religious, but she realized that God accepts us as we are. She says even though Chandi is different than she is, she’s still her child.

Cait goes to Scott’s room. Scott says if Cait is going to be a woman, maybe she should tone down her knock. Ha-ha! Cait says she heard Scott was thinking of leaving, but she thinks he should stay. Scott says that he came there to visit her, but is spending more time with her people. Cait says that he has a lot in common with them. She says that she’d always felt isolated and didn’t fit in and when she surrounded herself with good people, it helped. She says he’s kind of in the same boat. Scott says he thought the drinking made him fun and cool, but no. He says he’s there for Cait and she says ditto. Cait says it’s not so much going through the issues, it’s how you come out. Scott says he feels better now that they talked and not so much like an outsider. They hug and Scott says maybe Cait wants to tone down the hugs too. These two have a cute relationship.

They go to Remembrance Day and names of the murder victims are read. Candis says it could have been any one of them. A memorial garden is dedicated and Kate makes a small speech about them being the first generation to be more open and fight against transphobia.

This season, Kris visits, there’s a ski trip and a golf outing, Christmas trees in LA,  and more politics.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta — Reunion Part Three

Again, I decided to forego the first half to watch I Am Cait in its entirety.

When I come in, they’re talking about the Feds visiting Cynthia’s house regarding Apollo’s stuff. The guys are on stage and Peter said the agent basically said he thought there was stolen stuff there because of the show. Phaedra says she had nothing to do with it and had it been her motive, she would have done it before anything aired. Kandi seems skeptical. Phaedra acts offended, but Kandi says she’s been secretive and done some weird sh*t.

Andy asks Todd if he thinks Phaedra called the Feds and he says yes. Phaedra gets offended again, but Todd says she’s kind of transparent. Phaedra talks about Todd running around with Apollo and Todd brings up how he helped her cut Apollo out of the exercise video deal. Todd says she seems to know what he’s doing all the time, so maybe she should have kept better tabs on Apollo. He suggests she’s not as innocent as she claims about what was going on with Apollo’s schemes.

Phaedra pulls up some emails where Todd asked for an update, meaning when is she going to settle up about the video. Todd whips out a couple of papers. Kandi says Phaedra ties up loose ends at the last minute, just before she knows things will become public. Kandi gets defensive about Todd. Todd says he kept his mouth shot about Phaedra owing the money pretty well, but they’re square now. The husbands exit. After Andy asks Peter how drunk he is.

Andy talks about Porsha going off on an assistant and we see “previously unseen footage,” which really means they saved it for the reunion. OMG. Porsha is in a short, white, furry outfit, running after some poor soul and screaming. Dwight picks up the hat with ears that she lost. Apparently Porsha beat someone down, tearing off her wig and everything. Porsha makes excuses I’m not even going to bother with. We flash back to the person Porsha attacked, who was an assistant. Andy points out that Porsha has been in three altercations since being on the show and asks if that’s her normal way of handling things. Porsha makes noises that she’s the victim. When Kenya tries to say something, Porsha whines. Nene says she managed to make it through the season without giving anyone a beatdown.

Phaedra says Porsha went to anger management and acknowledges that it’s something that needs to be treated. Kenya says some of the cast members have felt uncomfortable around her. Kandi says what’s worse is that it’s happened more than once and that the women are automatically on the defense. Porsha talks about remorse afterward, but the others say that’s not true, that she’s smack talked afterwards. Aww, poor Porsha is upset and says she’ll only answer questions from Andy.

She tries to blame the show, but Andy says the pressure is true for everyone. Kenya says she wants to blame everyone else for her loss of control. Kenya and Porsha get into a mini argument. Sheree says something, but I keep being distracted by her almost black lipstick that looks like something out of The Rocky Horror Show. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but it’s definitely attention grabbing. Nene says Porsha has made some bad choices. She says things like fighting and twerking will mar your brand. Kim think Porsha should be congratulated that she’s going to counseling and is honest about that. Porsha says one of those phrases I hate, “I’m a work in progress.” That always seems like an excuse for being a screw up to me.

Everybody says boring stuff about what the season meant to them and what they learned or whatever. Phaedra uses that work in progress term again. No surprise that she and Porsha used that phrase. They’re the two phoniest cast members who constantly make excuses for their bad behavior, which is always somebody else’s fault.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

I can’t believe it’s the season finale of The Walking Dead and this show is still going on.

It’s the morning after the night before, and Charrisse is just waking up. She says she has no complaints about her 50th birthday party.

Robyn and Gizelle are taking the kids horseback riding. Gizelle says it’s not something she enjoys because of the dirt. Um…it’s not farming. Robyn is concerned that there aren’t more Black families, so her kids can play with kids who look like them. She brings up Katie’s calling them bi-racial. For one, I don’t get why that’s some kind of insult, and for two, I don’t believe they have no white ancestors. No way, no how. Gizelle says she’s having a “come to Jesus” lunch for the ladies because they should have each other’s backs.

Karen is getting Rayven off to college. Karen is distressed that she’s so cool about moving out. I totally understand.

Katie has a farm in Virginia that she bought when she was a model. She and Andrew are going there for a romantic weekend. Katie says she doesn’t understand why a couple of the others can’t relax and have fun, adding that there’s more to life than just gossiping when that’s what she’s doing right now. Gizelle calls Katie about the lunch. Katie does not sound enthusiastic.

Andrew tells Karen he’s going to Scotland and she’s not invited. She says she understands, but she’s bummed. I think the time is running out for him to propose.

Ashley is waiting on the rooftop for Michael, who is bearing sushi. They talk about the restaurant they’re opening. Ashley also wants to get going on having a baby. She’s thinking a month after the opening. He says if they break even. Ashley talks about the upcoming lunch. Ashley hopes she and Karen can work things out, but Gizelle seems to have a problem with the butt-grabbing business. I can’t even believe anyone is still talking about a 3-second event at a party.

Katie’s farm has cows and everything. Katie and Andrew go to a place she calls “the vortex.” There are all kinds of flowers and such and Andrew proposes. Nice, but anticlimactic after all this time. Or what feels like all this time. Beautiful ring, no surprise.

Gizelle and her girls are making dinner. Gizelle’s father, Curtis, is joining them. Curtis was a big part of the early Civil Rights movement. He tells a story about Martin Luther King and how MLK prayed and got a miracle. He seems like a cool guy. What happened to Gizelle? Curtis is also getting some kind of award for his efforts.

The girls are meeting at a restaurant. Gizelle says nobody is getting up until everything is resolved. Hope they have sleeping bags with them. Gizelle says they’re all grown, sophisticated and educated, and should be able to talk things out. I do a spit take. There hasn’t been one cast member who’s demonstrated those qualities.

Everyone is there except Katie, but Robyn doesn’t think she’s coming. Gizelle makes a little speech about how they don’t listen and gives them a sign to hold for when it’s there turn to speak. Karen gets it first and talks about her non-gala and how she doesn’t want Ashley talking about her daughter. She suggests Ashley have her own baby, and rather crudely for one sooo concerned with etiquette all the time. Again I ask, where did they find these women? The other girls look like they might choke.

Ashley says she’s chill, but she says that Karen has made some oddball comments about her and her husband. She also says she acted like Michael wanted to get in her panties at the beach house. Gizelle calls the issue done, but I’ll bet not. Katie arrives.

Katie takes the sign and says she’s engaged. She shows the ring and tells the story. Robyn takes the sign and tells Katie she thinks they need a Black history lesson. Katie brings up Robyn thinking butt-grabbing is a white thing. Oh. Please. Gizelle says she was the first to notice and thought it was disrespectful. Katie asks why bring race into it. Katie says she was trying to show them their hypocrisy in their bringing up race all the time by calling them bi-racial. She wonders why there’s a problem with it anyway. Gizelle says Katie has a problem with being Black and Katie says she’s a stupid woman who says stupid things. Probably the first honest thing that’s been said here.

My TV suddenly decided to go wacky here and pull some poltergeist moves. I did see the end of the show though where everyone gave a one-word toast with things like love, wealth and dynamic. With each woman, they showed what’s happening in their lives.

Absolutely nothing.

Next week, The Reunion. This should be good. Bring earplugs.

Mar30

March 29, 2016 — GH, Loving Wrong & More Dubai

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Tracy still talks to Jason like he’s her father. Dillon tells her she’s supposed to rest. Sam and Jason leave. Jason tells Sam that Tracy thinks he’s Edward. Sam explains that Rachel is really Hayden.

Elizabeth tells Hayden to go ahead and stay, humiliate herself even more. She says she can’t wait for Nicholas to throw her lying ass out.

Valerie tells Curtis she crawled through dirt and broke her favorite heels to help him put the Crimson issue together, and she wants her cut. He says not until she agrees to another date.

Jordan tells Andre that reports of Carrrlos being alive just surfaced on the Internet. Andre wonders how Anna feels about that.

Anna accuses Sonny of being the one to leak the story that Carrrlos is still alive. This makes no sense to me, since it wouldn’t benefit him in any way

Dillon comes out and asks Jason what Tracy was talking about. He also asks about Rachel Berlin. Sam tells him that she’s Richard Berlin’s daughter, may or may not have been involved in the greatest ponzi scheme of all time, and that’s who Hayden really is.

Hayden says something to Elizabeth about Lucky and Elizabeth tries to smack her again. Hayden says she’s calling the police and having Elizabeth arrested for assault. I tell her I’ll be a witness.

Andre says he has a group session soon and asks Jordan if she wants to grab a bite to eat. He sees Valerie and Curtis, and says maybe he should have a group session right there.

Sonny says it’s a lot easier to find Carrrlos if he thinks he’s in the clear. Anna says if Sonny didn’t do it, who did?

Ava tells Scotty that the organization is after her because she was working with Paul. Scotty asks what she was thinking and Ava asks if they have attorney-client privilege. She gives him some money as retainer and tells him about Paul having the flash drive and blackmailing her. Now her own people are threatening to kill her, and that’s why she needs Scotty. He asks what he can possibly do.

Anna asks who Sonny told about Carrrlos, but there’s no one who would talk. Ditto for Anna. Sonny says two people come to mind, Julian and Ava. Anna says as far as she knows, they don’t know Carrrlos is alive. She suggests it’s Paul

Ava asks Scotty to move in with her for protection.

Sam wonders how Hayden ended up involved with Tracy. Dillon says her health is his priority right now and goes back into her room. Dillon approaches with caution and Tracy asks why he’s talking to her like she’s a hamster. He asks if she knows who Jason is. She says yes, and she knows who’s President too. Dillon tells her she thought Jason was Edward.

Elizabeth tells her to go ahead, call the cops, and she’ll never see Nicholas again. Hayden says go to hell. Elizabeth says she’d rather hang out with Nicholas, who will no doubt need sympathy. Then she’s going to the cops with a Rachel sighting. Unless Hayden leaves and never sees Nicholas or Spencer again.

Valerie says Curtis has a few bucks, so why don’t they go somewhere better than the diner. He agrees. A masked gunman suddenly comes into Kelly’s. Jordan creates a distraction and Curtis subdues the gunman. They’re like a well-oiled machine and it’s obvious they’ve done this before.

Sonny wonders why Paul would make it public unless he wants Carrrlos dead. Anna said Carrrlos must have decided that he didn’t want to cooperate and was safer on the run. Paul in turn decided he’d be safer without Carrrlos on the loose, since Carrrlos knows too much. Sonny says there are ways to find out what Paul is up to and suggests tapping his phone and bugging his office. He says he wants to get justice for Duke and his son.

Ava says she trusts Scotty. She says he only asked for money in regard to the flash drive, so she knows what kind of man he is. He says he’s not a bodyguard, but she says even just the appearance of it will be good. He asks what’s in it for her and she says money, lots of it.

Tracy says the only real Quartermaines left are Dillon and Ned. Ned comes in asking if he just heard his name.

Hayden is packed and ready to go. She leaves Spencer a note and stops to sniff Nicholas’s sweater. She leaves Windimere and says good by, wonderful new life.

Elizabeth wastes no time in hunting down Nicholas and saying she wants to be there for him. They hug and I retch.

The police come and cart off the gunman. Curtis says it was like old times. Jordan says he loved the work and it’s too bad he blew it. Valerie asks Curtis what really happened when he and Jordan worked together. Curtis ignores the question, and says they can probably get a free meal out of Kelly’s, so maybe they can get it to-go and go back to his place. Hayden walks in, saying she has a flat tire.

Elizabeth tells Nicholas about her threat to Hayden and telling her to take a head start out. Nicholas says he wishes she hadn’t. He talked to Spencer and he’s crazy about her. He says he’s also not ready to let her go.

Tracy argues with Dillon about calling Ned. Ned asks if it would be better if he just wanted to see a medical oddity. She says a little, but the only reason he’s there must be that she’s dying. Ned says he just wants to be there for her. She says not acceptable. He changes it to being concerned about Dillon’s concern.

Jason says he needs to get back the company Nicholas stole. Sam asks why it’s important and he says he owes the Quartermaines that much.

Anna asks Sonny how he knows about Duke’s son and Sonny tells her how they met. She tells Sonny that she told Griff about Carrrlos and she started to get paranoid that he was digging for information. Sonny says Griff told him to forgive Duke’s killer and he seemed sincere. Anna asks if he’s going to follow Griff’s advice.

Sonny says he and Griff bonded over their faith, but the only reason he didn’t have Carrrlos eliminated was so he could testify against Julian. He says it could change if things don’t work out and Anna suggests they stay within the parameters of the law for now. She mentions that Sonny let Ava live, but he says that’s a long way from forgiveness.

Scotty gets his hotel bill and says if he doesn’t pay it, he’ll be evicted tomorrow. Ava asks what happened to the money from the custody case. He says he lost his entire life savings because he invested with Richard Berlin.

Hayden tells Curtis she’s glad he’s there. Andre tells Jordan she was impressive and she says stick with her, it’s always an adventure. He says he’d like just the two of them in a room. She says she makes a mean Coq au Vin. He says he’ll bring the wine.

Curtis asks if someone found out Hayden is Rachel Berlin. She’s surprised he knew all the time. He says he checked her out early on and “If I were in your stilettos I’d want to bounce too.” She says Nicholas must hate her now, but Curtis says not necessarily

Nicholas tells Elizabeth he went into the relationship with his eyes wide open, but it didn’t stop him from falling for Hayden, and he can’t just turn his feelings off. Ah-ha! to Elizabeth in Nelson voice.

Tracy tells Ned about sharing the local delicacies in Mexico with Larry and how she got sick. She says if the treatment wasn’t started early enough, it could kill her. She says she has a deathbed wish. Ned and Dillon protest, and she says she’s not planning to die, but just in case, get back the family legacy.

Jason says he won’t allow Hayden to steal the company. Sam says it sounds like he’s fighting for his family. He says like it or not, he’s one of them. Sam says she knows he doesn’t remember them, but his father and grandfather would be proud.

Sonny says it’s not his first instinct to forgive, it’s to get revenge, but sometimes that can be messy and expensive. Anna says it’s a practical solution then and Sonny says sometimes. Anna wonders if Duke ever learned that lesson. They talk about Duke and Sonny says he feels responsible for his death. Anna says Griff suggested she forgive herself and maybe Sonny should consider it too. Sonny says he appreciates it more than she knows.

Ava tells Scotty it’s not the perfect solution, but it will work. They both agree they could do worse and shake on it.

Hayden says it’s only a matter of time until the world descends on her and without Nicholas she has nothing left in Port Charles. Curtis says she has him. They’re friends and she can get what she wants if she plays her cards right.

Andre leaves for work and Valerie sits down with Jordan. She tells Jordan she likes Curtis and it’s obvious there’s more between them that Jordan didn’t tell her.

Curtis says he doesn’t know Rachel, but he thinks he knows Hayden and she’s not a quitter. He tells her to go back to the castle and be a queen. She says maybe he’s right.

Elizabeth says she’s not going back to Windimere tonight. Nicholas asks her to stay because he doesn’t want to be alone right now. Bleh

Ned and Dillon say they’ll help get ELQ back. Tracy says she knows it’s just a company, but it’s her history. She asks them both to stay because she doesn’t want to die alone.

Jason says ELQ isn’t just about money, it’s about family. Sam says the Quartermaines are lucky to have him. He says he’s lucky to have her. Well, neither one of them is really Lucky. BA DUM CHHH!

Tomorrow, Kiki wants to know where Morgan is, Carly asks Sonny what he’s going to do about Carrrlos, and Alexis reads Kristina’s journal.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Rusty hears Randal saying something about his and Alex’s son and runs over to his house. Louise tells Randal to get inside. Rusty asks what Randal is talking about and what the sign is on his lawn. Randal says his son is Rusty’s grandson. He adds he’ll do everything in his power to keep the baby and Alex away from Rusty’s backwater ass.

Rusty tells him to take the sign down. Randal laughs and says Rusty doesn’t want the world to know he has a little Black grandson. He says according to the state Rusty is from, one drop of African American blood makes him a “negro.” Rusty runs back to the house.

Rusty asks Alex’s mother where the baby is and she says Alex left with him. He asks if Randal is lying, but she avoids the question, telling him to calm down. He asks where the gun is and she says she left it at the house. He asks if the baby is Black and she says yes. He asks where Alex went, but her mother says she and Brad can’t find her. Rusty insists Alex must have been raped by Randal.

Brad tells him to get out. Rusty says to call the law because someone is going to die. He asks what kind of man Brad is to let Alex be raped. Brad says he’s losing patience. Rusty says he brought him there because he couldn’t be a man and handle things himself. Brad says Alex and Randal had an affair. He says it was a mistake to invite them and now he wants them to leave. Rusty asks where Alex is and Brad tells him to get out like a thousand times. Brad says Rusty is the only rapist there.

Brad starts to punch Rusty out and Alex’s mother draws a gun. She tells Brad to lay off and grabs Rusty. They leave. Apparently without taking their belongings.

Kelly pulls up at her house where Ramses is mowing the lawn. He says he thinks he heard a gunshot, but Kelly says not in this neighborhood. He says he thinks it came from Brad’s house. Kelly asks him if he’s sure. He says yes, and she starts toward Brad’s, but Ramses says he’ll go over.

Ramses knocks on Brad’s door and asks if everything is okay. Brad asks Kelly if she’s seen Alex. She says not since the hospital. Kelly says Ramses thought he heard a gunshot. Brad explains what happened and says Alex’s mother shot at him. I guess I’m the only one who didn’t hear this. Kelly tells him he shouldn’t have brought them there. He says his plan backfired and he knows he did wrong. Kelly tells him it’s gone way too far. He asks Kelly to let him know if she calls or if she sees Alex.

Ramses asks what that was all about and Kelly tells him drama she wants no part of. They go into Kelly’s house.

Marcie calls Brad. She says he doesn’t sound too good. She tells him she’s in the new place and asks if he’s still in. He says yes. She says she saw Rusty and that it couldn’t have gone well. Brad says it was like an explosion, but they’re gone now. She asks if he’s still in “the rage,” and he’s vague. He says he just has to pack a bag and then he’ll be over.

Esperanza calls Eddie, who is obviously having sex, even though thankfully we don’t see it. She asks when he’s coming back to work and if he gave her back her house keys. He says he did. She asks if he’s enjoying himself and if she’s any good. He pretends not to know what she’s talking about and says he’s at work. He says even if he did have a girl over, what difference would it make? She says because he’s in her house.

He acts like she’s nuts, but then she walks in and tells him to get out. The girl jets, but Eddie says it’s his house; he paid for it. Esperanza says do it again and see what happens, and then tells him again to get out. Ben comes in and Esperanza tells him Eddie is going to drag him down with him and tells them both to get out. That was actually pretty funny when she walked in.

Natalie tells Joey to take the trash out. Joey tells her she knows she’s wrong about Lushion. He says if he was a dirty cop, he would know. Joey says he’s not still hanging out with a bad crowd, but he’d know because he asked around. He says Eddie is dirty, but Lu is clean. He says he took her home approval out of the trash and she shouldn’t let anything keep her from her dreams.

Natalie looks at the approval letter. She leaves for work, telling Joey to feed his siblings when they get home from school.

Julius is in Randal’s office and asks Randal if he has information. Randal says he spoke to Julius’s father. Julius asks what this is about and if his father thinks he’s crazy. Randal says no, but Julius says he must since he’s having him talk to a shrink. Randal is so crazy, I always forget that’s his job. Randal says he thinks Julius is angry because his father wasn’t around much during Julius’s childhood. In true shrink fashion, he asks how that made Julius feel. Julius says like he wasn’t there. Randal asks if he felt lonely. Julius says when he was four, he killed a bird every day when his father didn’t come home, and the longest was a year. When his mother found out, she sent him to boarding school.

Again, Randal asks how that made him feel. Julius says angry and it made him do things he never thought he’d do. He started raping girls, following them home and sneaking in the windows. He says he got addicted to that and then to cocaine and mutilating animals. A budding serial killer. He says he also started cutting himself and shows Randal his wienie saying he circumcised himself. Seriously, this guy needs to be locked up.

Julius says he’s not crazy. Randal and his father are crazy. Randal says no one thinks that. Julius asks if he’s turned on. Randal says sorry, but that would be a no. Randal wants to talk about the birds, but Julius wants to talk about the rapes. He starts to cry and Randal asks what he’s feeling. He’s faking and says Randal and his father are a couple of idiots. He was lying and his mother was wonderful and always there, so he never felt neglected.

Julius says this is his father’s way of trying to keep him out of his will. He says Randal won’t see another day if he causes a problem. He asks if they’re done. Randal asks if he’d like them to be done and Julius says yes. He tells Randal to tell his father he’s fine and Randal says he will. Julius leaves. A-hole.

Kelly asks Ramses how much she owes him for mowing her lawn. He says dinner. He asks if she wants to do it and she’s like, what? but he means the mowing and dinner deal. Kelly says he’s not going to be there that long and she doesn’t want to get attached to him. He says it’s just dinner and she’s a gravity chick — she falls hard. She asks if he’s a player, since he has no wife and kids. Then she asks if he’s gay. He says yes, and she says she knew it. He says not really and why doesn’t she just say what she wants to say? Kelly asks why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He says he had a girl, but she left him because of the military; the time away was too much, and he’s been cautious ever since. He adds that she shouldn’t judge people, but she says she’s just curious. He says the best way for them to get their questions answered is dinner.

He says he might be there longer than she thinks, since he hasn’t heard from Marcie. Kelly says she has other realtors for him. He says he doesn’t think Marcie is doing well. She says there’s drama going on. They flirt a little.

They go out the back door and Alex is there with the baby. Ramses brings her inside.

Alex is crying and Kelly asks if Brad tried to hurt her. She says to please go get her other children. She says she’s sorry and Kelly asks her what’s happening. Alex says she heard a gunshot and asks if Brad is okay. Kelly says yes, and Alex tells her about her father. Kelly says Brad told Alex’s parents to leave.

There’s a knock at the door and Alex hides. It’s Brad. He says he can’t find Alex anywhere and if she sees Alex to tell her that he’s left and he’s not coming back. He asks Kelly to please help find her. The baby starts crying and Brad tries to force his way into the house, but Ramses subdues him. He tells Brad to relax and lets him up. He says he wants to talk to Alex and Ramses says she doesn’t want to talk to him. Brad calls out that her parents have gone and he’s sorry. He asks that she please talk to him.

Alex comes out with the baby and Brad apologizes ten times. He says he shouldn’t have brought her parents there and it was a mistake. He says he’s leaving and promises he won’t bother her. He tosses his keys on the table and says he’ll call about seeing the kids. Alex says nothing and just cries quietly. Brad says he’s sorry again and leaves.

At the station, Claudia sees Lushion. She says he looks stressed and asks if it’s getting to him. He says yes, and she says her too. She talks about all the rookies that have been killed and asks how Pete is. He says it’s too soon to tell. She says let’s get some beers. Lushion says that’s not a good idea. She says he can talk to her any time, but he says she should keep her distance. She ignores the warning and gives him her number. He says it’s not a good idea and Natalie, who has come up behind him, says she doesn’t think so either.

Next week, Alex’s other kids ask why the baby is tan, Brad says he wants Marcie, and Randal says he’s going to ruin Marcie’s life.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I just have to start by saying shame on these women. What most of us wouldn’t give to have a vacation like this, and they’re going to spend it arguing — about nonsense.

Kyle and LisaV go to a place where you can swim with sea lions. The suits are like diving suits and very hard to get into. Eileen and Erika go to an aquarium, and Kathryn and LisaR go to the spa. It would be hard to choose. Like the kid in Scrooge said, I can’t have none of ‘em, so I might as well like all of ‘em.

The sea lions are flipping all around and one comes up and they all pet it. Lisa just about goes out of her mind. They get sea lion kisses and she wants to take one home.

Eileen and Erika discuss LisaR’s feeling of being enraged in seeing Yolanda’s photo with Kim and Brandy. Erika says the word enraged is strong and I agree, but I think Lisa doesn’t really know the meaning of a lot of words.

LisaR is also discussing it with Kathryn, who says Yolanda feels judged.

Eileen and LisaR get together for coffee in Lisa’s room. The view is amazing and Lisa tells her about the spa day. Eileen says Erika doesn’t understand the enraged business. Eileen says she thinks Lisa really meant she was just upset. That was a nice way of saying what I did, she doesn’t use words properly.

Eileen brings up LisaV and that people are having a problem saying how they feel. They both have fabulous earrings on and it’s really taking my attention away. Lisa says she’s more open with Eileen because she feels safe with her, and she doesn’t get why she has to share her deepest feelings with everyone. Eileen says she isn’t as brave with a group and she retreats.

The ladies go out to the desert, passing the world’s tallest building. I can’t believe their as dressed up a they are. They pull over and some dude gives them head scarves. They get into a jeep and drive into the desert. Yikes! It’s like a roller coaster ride and I don’t think these girls are wearing seat belts.

They get to this spot that has a bunch of pillows where they sit and have juice drinks. A falconer is there to give them a demonstration with his falcon, Gizmo. LisaV asks if she can pet it and the guy says after he’s done eating. (The falcon, not the guy.) Everyone gets their picture taken holding the falcon. It does look pretty cool.

Next is an Arabian Nights Dinner. They go to an outdoor spot. There are camels hanging out and a henna lady. Kyle goes to get a tattoo. It’s a dry night — they don’t explain why — so they can’t have any alcohol. They’re given some drink that they love until they find out it has camel milk in it. Please. That’s as bad as my husband who loved moo shu pork until he found out it had mushrooms in it. A woman does some dancing and they join her.

The head waiter, or whatever he is, lists the menu. Everyone passes on the camel meat except for Kathryn. Yeah, I’d pass too, especially when there’s three of them sitting there. She says it’s gamey, but good. LisaV jokes that there’s only two camels now. LisaR brings up the Yolanda thing. Erika says she thought that was over and asks why Lisa was “enraged” by the picture. She asks if Lisa likes Yolanda. She says they need some time.

LisaR asks what Erika thinks of her. Erika says she likes her more than when she first met her because she has trust issues. Lisa asks if Erika judges people and Erika says no. Lisa says when she saw Erika’s video, she judged a book by it’s cover. Saying what I’m thinking, Erika says Lisa posed for Playboy — twice. Eileen thinks she’s avoiding talking about Yolanda. Lisa says she wishes Erika would open up more, but Erika says she doesn’t think so.

The head waiter brings out a hookah. Erika tells LisaR that she wishes she and Yolanda would be friends. Lisa says she feels that Yolanda’s illness keeps her from being honest. Everyone smokes. What the blip is a hookah anyway? I understand a water pipe, but don’t get this hookah stuff.

LisaR takes LisaV aside. She asks her about her asking why she didn’t bring Kyle up in regard to the Munchhausen thing. LisaV says she didn’t say that; she said she wondered why she hadn’t dragged them all into it. LisaR says no one is owning up to anything, but LisaV says she never said anything about Munchhausen. In her individual interview, LisaR says she realized LisaV was lying to her. I dunno. It’s not important enough for me to have actually retained the exact conversation, but the first time I heard Munchhausen, it was from LisaR.

The next day they go to the market downtown. They find some shoes that they recognize from Sex in the City and get excited. They try to barter, but none of them are very good at it. It’s Kathryn’s birthday the next day, so they talk about that. Kathryn tries on a caftan and there’s a roach on it, and she goes crazy. Obviously not a New Yorker. LisaR asks Eileen if they can talk later, since no one can let anything go. They go over their bargains on the way home. Erika gives Karhryn a birthday present. She says it’s not her real present, it’s her bs present. It’s a souvenir replica of the tallest building.

LisaR, Kathryn and Kyle have dinner while the others take a nap. Lisa has to bring up talking to LisaV and Munchhausen and bringing Kyle into it. Kyle says she already knew all about that. Kyle says she already over it with LisaV and she thinks that Lisa does care about her regardless. She doesn’t want to continue to rehash it because she’s enjoying their friendship.

LisaR says no one calls LisaV on anything. Kyle says she’s not as strong as everyone thinks. LisaR says it’s no excuse to lie.

LisaR tells Eileen about LisaV changing what she said. Eileen says it’s frustrating because no one backs her up on LisaV’s lack of accountability. Maybe it’s me, but I think this point is being belabored. LisaR tells Eileen about what Kyle told her. Eileen says she can’t believe Kyle knew LisaV tried to throw her under the bus. LisaR says that LisaV doesn’t like Yolanda and that’s why she tried to get her to talk about Yolanda. Again, I dunno about that, but why is this necessary on such an amazing vacation?

Erika tells her glam squad about the bug on Kathryn’s dress. Dubai realness at its finest. Kathryn comes by and thank God they don’t talk about anything deep.

They go to a private outdoor spot for dinner. I want to cry because I know another argument is coming. I guess it’s no longer dry time because the ladies all get a cocktail. LisaV isn’t there yet, so LisaR has to say how horrified she was to notice LisaV lying. Erika says that LisaR is living in the past and she wants to get to know her today.

LisaV and Kyle join the group. LisaV says she’s obviously being ignored. Kyle says they’re going to the mall tomorrow and gives them the rules. No swearing, no talking about sex, and dressing appropriately. Good luck with this and get the bail money ready.

Eileen prods LisaR to sh*t stir. LisaR tells LisaV she rewrote the truth. LisaR asks her why she told her to bring Kyle into the Munchhausen convo. LisaV says she didn’t say that. She says she told her that she was glad she didn’t involve all of them. Kyle says that LisaV told her she was glad LisaR didn’t bring her into it. Erika is like wtf? can we have a drink, ride a camel, anything but fight? What a concept.

Eileen gets involved. LisaR says the truth is the truth and she’s not the only one going down for this. Whatta gangsta. LisaR says that she became the scapegoat when LisaV and Kyle were already talking about Yolanda’s illness. But neither one of them ever did use the Munchhausen word. That was LisaR. Eileen gets a squeaky voice and says that she can’t believe Kyle thinks this is all okay and it’s just the way LisaV is. Kyle says maybe it seems weird, but she knows LisaV loves her. She says she loves LisaV and takes the good with the bad. Kyle starts to cry and says maybe it’s because she has bigger problems, but she doesn’t care. I don’t care because it’s unimportant nonsense.

LisaR says LisaV changed the story. Kathryn doesn’t think either one of them is lying. Eileen brings up the Hamptons. Geez. LisaV asks what it was that was so offensive. Eileen tells her that asking when her affair with Vince started was hurtful. She says Lisa only apologized for asking too many questions, even though Eileen wasn’t exactly specific at the time. She’d only said Lisa was prying. Eileen tells her just learn to say you’re sorry.

Kathryn thinks it’s a cultural difference and LisaV’s apology didn’t come with the warm fuzzies that Eileen wants. I tend to agree. In her individual interview, LisaR says she lost respect for LisaV. They both say they have respect for one another at the table, so what up wit dat, LisaR? LisaV says she’s had enough, but Kyle makes her stay.

LisaR says they’re not coming from a bad place, just being honest. LisaV says she doesn’t feel like she can say anything. LisaR says she’s not the victim. Erika says obviously LisaV isn’t going to give LisaR the response she wants, so why don’t they move on?

Next week, the girls visit the mall of my dreams, we get to see the tallest building, Yolanda has a picnic with Brandi and Kim, and there’s more arguing.

Mar28

March 27, 2016 — A Mutiny, a Debate, a Reunion, the Dead & the Wives

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time
Henry takes off with Cruella in the coolest car ever. Her license plate says DeVIL and I feel really, really stupid because in all these years, I never realized her last name spells devil. Henry makes her stop near a forest. Cruella isn’t interested in tromping around in her heels, so she tells Henry to go ahead. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice stops Henry. He tells Henry it would be a mistake to resurrect Cruella. He says Henry should only record the stories, not create them. The sorcerer says the quill is protected by a powerful spell and the sheriff has the key. He tells Henry he trusts him to make the right choice.

Emma tends to Hook’s wounds. He says she went into the darkness for love, but he did it for revenge and doesn’t measure up to her. She asks if he wants to stay in the Underworld. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Hook’s older brother, Liam.

We flash back to Hook and his brother working as indentured servants on a ship. Liam suggests they join the Royal Navy when they’re finished. The captain comes by and kicks some crap onto the deck that they have to clean up. He tells them only Liam can go collect their money, which will be paid to him. Liam says he’ll be back and they’ll be free by sunrise.

Hook says the only way out of the Underworld is to defeat Hades. He asks Liam if he has any knowledge from being there so long. Liam says he’s heard about a book from people who have tried to overthrow Hades. He says he’s in on the mutiny.

Snow and David look for the book. Liam asks to talk to Emma. He tells her Hook blames himself for being there, but Liam thinks it’s Emma’s fault. He says Hook had the chance to die a hero and she took it from him. She asks if he was this self-righteous while he was alive. He says when it comes to his brother, yes, and if she really loves him, she’ll let him go.

Hook and Emma start looking for the book. Henry says he thinks he knows where it is, but they need the key from the sheriff, who is also David’s evil twin, James.

Back on the old ship, Liam returns and the captain says only he can leave. Hook took the captain up on his offer of a drink and ended up gambling his half of the money away. The captain says Liam should just leave the dead weight behind him. Hook says he can’t be the brother that Liam deserves. Liam says come hell or high water, he can’t leave his brother.

Hades is in the bar where Liam is bartender. Hades says he knows about the mutiny. Liam asks what he wants. Hades says he wants the book destroyed, or at least the pages he’s on. He says the sorcerer’s house doesn’t like him very much, so he needs Liam to get it.

Snow and David break into the sheriff’s office. They get the key, but hear Cruella coming in. Snow jets out and David pretends to be his brother. Cruella has brought champagne and says momma has had a long day.

Emma asks Regina what she thinks of Liam. Regina realizes Liam doesn’t like Emma. Emma says he doesn’t think she’s good enough for Hook. Regina says he the type who doesn’t forgive himself.

Henry, Hook. Liam and Emma take the key to the sorcerer’s house.

On the old ship, a storm is brewing and the ship is going right into it. Hook tries to tell the captain they should change course, or they’ll face a hurricane. The captain says there’s a reward for the ship that goes inside the hurricane, so too bad, they’re staying on course. Liam and Hook stage a mutiny. Hook asks if it’s going to be the easy way or the bloody way and the captain surrenders. Liam tells Hook to tie them up while he goes to get the captain’s maps and whatever.

The sorcerer isn’t a very good housekeeper. There are cobwebs everywhere. Emma tells Henry to be the lookout while they look for the book.

Liam finds the book. While alone, he turns to the pages with Hades in them, and rips them out, saying he’s sorry to his brother.

Cruella is sitting on David’s lap, trying to ply him with champagne. Finally he has enough and asks her if his brother really goes for this nonsense. Cruella says she’d hoped he’d pretended a while longer. She says she knew he wasn’t James because although he looks like James, he doesn’t have James’s “delicious damage,” the damage David is responsible for.

The Storybrooke gang realizes the pages with Hades are gone. Regina says she took her pages out when she didn’t want Henry to know she was the evil queen. Liam pretends like he didn’t know the pages were missing and says maybe they fell out somewhere. They go off to look.

Emma tells Hook something is up with Liam, but he blows her off, thinking it’s just because of Liam’s attitude toward Emma.

Hades shows up in the midst of the storm. Liam is in the captain’s quarters and Hades says he can help him. He says Liam’s dreams of the King’s Navy are over. Liam asks how he would know about that and Hades shows his blue, fiery hair. Liam says he’s a demon. Hades says technically he’s a god, but a lot of people make that mistake. Liam draws his sword. Hades promises if Liam allows the ship to be sunk, he’ll spare Liam and his brother. He says he’ll also give him a rare gem stone. Hades says it will fulfill all of Liam’s dreams.

Liam ditches the pages in a well. Emma comes by and he claims he’s getting some air. Emma tells him that he’s Hook’s hero and wonders why he lied to Hook. Hook comes by and Emma says Liam has the pages. She says he’s been hiding his hands since she got there and tells Liam to show Hook his hands. Hook says he doesn’t care. His fate isn’t in Storybrooke, it should be determined there. Emma says no matter how many times people tell him he’s good enough, he doesn’t listen. She leaves.

Liam shows Hook his hands and they have ink on them. Hook asks why Liam lied. The ship’s crew comes out of the woods and the captain says that Liam has to pay for what he did to them.

Back on the old ship, they’re in the middle of the storm. Liam gives Hook his lucky ring, saying that’s how sure he is, and takes the wheel. Hook makes a speech about trusting Liam with his life.

In the Underworld, Hook asks what this has to do with the missing pages. The captain says Liam isn’t the hero he pretends to be. He says he saw Hades visiting him at the bar and says he traded their souls for the eye of the storm. The guys take Hook and Liam to the edge of the precipice above the Lake of Fire, and the captain tells them to walk the plank. Liam asks them to spare Hook, but that’s a no. Liam tells Hook sorry he failed.

Hades shows up asking if someone decided to have a party without inviting him. Bye, captain! Hades says only one of them kept the bargain with him. Liam tells him to spare Hook and that he had nothing to do with it. Hades says too bad and over the edge Liam goes. Hook grabs his hand, but Liam says to forgive him and lets go. Hades says Liam will pay for this and disappears poof! in a cloud of blue smoke. I guess his sacrifice spared Hook.

Liam is in a little boat and drifts up to Hook. Liam says this is what he should have done in the first place. Hook tells all the men they’re free now and to get in the boat. He says his unfinished business isn’t done yet. Liam says to tell Emma he was wrong and that she does want what’s best for Hook. The brothers say good-by and Liam sails away.

In the old days, Liam and Hook wash up on shore. Some soldiers from the Royal Navy find them. The captain says if they went into the storm, they deserve what they got. Liam produces the stone and the captain sings a different tune, saying he’s a hero. His ship will take them to the king. Liam says he’s going to ask the king about a Navy position and the captain says they can do that right there.

Hook tells Emma what happened, and how she was right about Liam, but he sacrificed himself. Hook says he saw the truth that he is good enough for Emma. They kiss.

Henry pokes around the sorcerer’s place. He finds the quill and some ink. The others are still combing the book, but the pages with Hades are gone. David finds Henry upstairs and asks what’s up. Henry says he doesn’t want to talk about it. David says he learned that his twin brother resented him his whole life. He says he wanted what David had, a family and tells Henry that his family is pretty great. Henry asks him not to make it a lesson.

Henry shows the others the quill. He tells them about Cruella and how he almost helped her with it. He says he realized how much power he has and wanted to be the hero rather than the one rescued. He says he knows better now and is going to write the stories as they are. They wonder what Hades is trying to hide from them.

Hades finds the pages from the book and looks through them. He comes to a picture of him and Celena. He says their secret is safe.

Next week, Celena visits Hades and a reckless romance must be stopped.

The Walking Dead

Strange beginning. It’s either raining or dripping blood and there are voices in the background. Then we go right to the credits and an ad for Fear the Walking Dead which tricks us into thinking the show started.

Carol sews her jacket and packs her bag. Tobin comes upstairs. Carol hides her bag under the bed. He talks about Denise and Carol spaces out. Carol says she’s concerned about when Tara finds out. Tobin says everything will be okay and kisses her. When he’s asleep, Carol slips out while a Johnny Cash song, It’s All Over, plays.

The song continues as we see what everyone is doing. Glenn and Maggie are taking a shower together; Daryl sits on his bike, Denise’s key ring in his hand; Sasha gives Abe a cigar; Rosita guards the gate.

Rick and Michonne are in bed. She takes a bite of an apple and gives it to him. This is so they can get cozy and not have morning breath. It’s an old French trick. They talk about how ultimately, everything went pretty well. Michonne has to leave for her shift. She says Maggie is worried about an attack. Rick says it won’t be like before and everyone knows what to do. He says the world is theirs and they’re not losing anybody again. Don’t get cocky, Rick.

Michonne, Glen and Maggie see Daryl leaving Alexandria on his bike. Glenn says they have to stop him. Abe pops out of nowhere and Rosita tells him to cover her shift because she’s going with them. She gets in the car with Michonne and Glenn.

Rick asks Tobin when Carol left, but he doesn’t know. Abe comes up and tells them that Daryl just took off. Tobin notices there’s a car missing. Abe says he’s going to find them and Rick tells him to wait. He says not to let anyone else leave and to be ready for a fight. He leaves with Morgan.

Commercial break. Fear 462. The oxygen masks drop and it looks like the plane is dropping too.

Carol is driving a car with giant spikes sticking out of it. A car comes from the other direction and some guys shoot out the tires. They sit in the back of their pickup and wait. Carol tucks her rosary in her sleeve. A guy says hands up and she asks them not to hurt her. What the blip has happened to Carol? She gets out of the car.

The guy asks where she’s from and where she’s going. He says he’s Hugh. She says she’s Nancy and she’s bounced around a lot, that she’s not from anywhere or going anywehre. He says they agree on one thing, she’s not going anywhere, but she seems like she is from somewhere. He says Alexandria has cars out front like the one she’s driving. He says she shouldn’t be out there alone and they can give her a ride back, since it’s where they were headed. Carol hyperventilates.

She says they could turn around and no one needs to get hurt. They start to come for her and a gun from somewhere shoots them all. A gun from carol’s sleeve. Apparently, part of her sewing project. One of the guys who is still alive comes after her, but she stabs him with one of the car spikes.

She tells another survivor to come out. He says he’ll pass. Blood is dripping from everywhere (like in the opening scene) and he comes out in attack mode with a knife.

Enid tells Maggie to put her feet up and eat some pickles while she takes Maggie’s shift.

Morgan says he thinks Carol went east. Rick says he doesn’t even know her. Morgan says there is no right, just wrong that hasn’t pulled you down.

One of the guys Carol shot is wounded. He stumbles out of the truck, surveying the damage.

Rick and Morgan drive up. They see Carol’s car, but no Carol. Rick grabs a guy who’s still breathing and asks where she is. He just gurgles, so Rick puts him out of his misery. He and Morgan look around cautiously. Rick says the men were Saviors. Rick says Carol took four of them down and she’s a force of nature. Morgan sees a blood trail going into the woods. Rick notices the guns are gone.

They follow the trail through a field. The wounded guy comes out of the woods and picks up Carol’s rosary. He follows Rick and Morgan.

Rosita and Glen go to the train tracks where Denise died. Glen asks her which way Dwight ran.

Daryl is also going through the field and nearly hits Rosita with an arrow. Daryl says they shouldn’t have come and Glenn says he shouldn’t have left. Daryl says he’s going to do what he should have done. Glenn says they need to figure it out from home and that everyone there needs them right now. He says it’s going to go wrong out there. Michonne asks Daryl to come back, but he says he can’t . He walks into the woods. Rosita says she can’t either and follows him. Glenn and Michonne go back.

Glenn says they need to find out more and Michonne agrees. Glen says after everything they did, he thought they would figure it out together. They hear a whistle type signal. A bunch of guys with guns surround them. Dwight is one of them.

Rick and Morgan see more blood. Morgan asks Rick id he’s there because Carol is his friend. Rick says Carol is his family. Morgan asks Rick about when he kicked Carol out of the prison and what he would do if that happened today. He adds that she came back and saved them. They see someone stumbling along, but it’s not Carol, it’s a zombie.

They go to a farmhouse, where there are a couple of dead people outside. They see a guy attack a zombie. The guy runs into the barn. He says he’s looking for his horse and Rick says they’re looking for a friend. The guy runs out and away, but Rick and Morgan can’t go after him because a slew of zombies come out that they have to deal with. Rick says maybe he’s from Hilltop. Morgan says he could be from anywhere.

Morgan says he found a Wolf who had attacked him once before. He found him hiding in one of the brownstones in Alexandria. He says he could have killed him, but he kept him in a cell instead. He says when Carol found out, they fought about it. He says when the Wolf escaped, he ended up saving Denise’s life, who in turn saved Carl. He says it’s a circle. He tells Rick to take the car home and that he shouldn’t be taking any more chances because he’s needed there. He says somehow, he’ll find Carol.

Rick asks if he’s coming back. Morgan says yes, but if he doesn’t, don’t come looking. Rick makes him take a gun. Before he leaves, he tells Morgan that Michonne did steal the protein bar (something I don’t even remember, but it sounds like something from Survivor). Morgan says he knew that.

Rick gets back and asks if Michonne is there, but she’s still out with Glenn. Abe asks Rick if he’s afraid to get close to anyone and he says yes. Abe says him too, but he’s ready to rip the world a new one.

Maggie tells Enid she needs some more help. She wants Enid to cut her hair. She says she has to keep going and doesn’t want anything to get in her way. Like shoulder-length hair? Enid does a pretty good job, but then Maggie goes into labor.

Glenn and Michonne are bound and gagged. Daryl sees them from behind a tree. Dwight comes up behind him and I say “oh no!” out loud. We hear a shot, Daryl pitches forward, and Dwight says, “You’ll be all right.”

Next week, it’s the 90-minute finale, Rick wants to make a deal, and a humongous war happens.

I Am Cait

The girls go for mani-pedis. The next stop is Dubuque, then Des Moines for the debates and then Graceland University where Cait went to school. They will be giving a talk there. She says the school is religiously affiliated and she wants to allow the student body to ask questions. Ella is kind of nervous about that, since she knows a couple of guys who go to school there.

They go to a fund raiser for Chicago House and Cait gives a talk. Cait visited one of their homes that houses people from the trans community. There is a protest outside where the protesters say that Cait has no clue about the real trans community issues. One of the protesters says that Cait doesn’t speak for them, and Cait explains that she isn’t trying to speak for everyone, only herself. Like there isn’t enough pressure, I guess she’s supposed to be a role model for every person who’s ever had gender reassignment surgery. Non-conformists unite!

Back in the limo, Chandi is like, that person isn’t even showing their face, how are they helping the community. Jenny says it’s the first time Cait has seen some people’s reservations about her. Jenny says she’s a public figure, but also a problematic figure and she needs to pay attention.

I just want to interject my two cents here. Why is it that just because Cait transitioned, she is supposed to be a totally different person inside as well? I thought the whole point was to put your body in sync with your mind. Not the other way around.

They pick up Candis’s sister, Mimi, and head to Dubuque. The first stop is a lingerie store. Cait says she thinks there’s some wild things going on in Dubuque. They go out to eat and Cait suggests sampling “mountain oysters” (i.e. bull testicles), but that idea is vetoed.

A local trans representative sits down with them and they discuss the evening’s casino event. The girls are going to be dealers for the night. Kate says this is a good way for people to experience meeting their first transgender person and see that they’re sweet.

A 13-year-old girl tells Cait she’s having trouble coming out and Cait gives some wise advice that’s probably true for everyone. Surround yourself with positive people who want the best for you and if anyone gives you trouble, tell them to get the hell out.

Back on the bus, Kate says they’ll be going to the Democratic debates, and says she doesn’t want the firestorm they had before. She says there will be a lot of young people of both parties there and they want to set a good example. She says “God bless America” will be the “safe” word and if someone hears it, they should check themselves for being too aggressive. Candis is afraid that Cait won’t be able to meet in the middle about her political debates and is afraid she’ll go off on a rant’

The ladies go to Drake University where the debate is being held. It’s also where Cait ran her first decathlon as Bruce. It must be weird, going back to the old places. Zackary says Cait’s conservative politics are of concern to all of them, irritating me. Because everyone has to think the same. There are surprisingly few people at the debate. Cait tries to talk to Kate about Bernie Sander’s policies and Kate God bless Americas the crap out of her. Kate gives her a B+ for listening and communication.

Afterwards. the moderator asks for opinions and points out Cait in particular. She says that transitioning was a cakewalk until people found out she was a Republican. Aren’t we even getting to meet Hilary? Oh, here she is. Caitlyn comes up to Hilary to say hello and introduces the group. Zachary says all of them were star struck, but I dunno about that. Cait says she thought Hilary was “sweet.” That’s probably the only time we’ll ever hear that word in connection with her. Bill Clinton comes in behind, where Hilary makes him walk, and takes a picture with the girls.

The girls go out for dessert. Ella texted a football player she knows from the school, who she wants to get together with. Cait says that she treated Hilary with respect and wants the girls to treat the people at the school with the same respect.

Here’s something else I think. Obviously, Cait has a celebrity status the majority of the population, trans or otherwise, doesn’t, so maybe she’s not the greatest example for the trans community. However, if those same things make people more comfortable with the issues and more willing to be open-minded, why fight that? Erin Brochovich wasn’t afraid to use her femininity to get to the bottom of that drinking water case. Amirite?

Cait says she never wore heels at Graceland, and she’s kind of nervous. She meets her old coaches. She wondered what they’re reaction was going to be and it looks like it’s pretty normal and they’re still proud of her. Ella says she’s not going to be able to talk on stage. She meets her friend, Michael, from high school. The other guy who was supposed to come is AWOL. Candis is bummed, but gives full kudos for Michael. He joins Ella and the girls for lunch. The ladies ask Michael how he felt when he first saw Ella after her transition and he answers appropriately that he was in awe of her gorgeousity.

It’s time for the assembly and the ladies take their places on stage. The professor moderating says there are no wrong questions. The first one is about balancing religion with being a trans person. There is mic drop silence from the girls and Chandi says she’ll take it.

Chandi says that she was told her life was an abomination and lost touch with God. She says she realized that God knew who she was going to be before she was born and she reconnected and now will never let that connection go. Kate says look for the heart of the doctrine you’re following, and if it’s mean, think twice about following it. Sadly, her daughter is high up in the Church of Scientology and she hasn’t seen her daughter since she was nine, because she’s considered evil. They talk about things like pronouns and what it means to be a woman. Ella says she’s the same person she was before the transition, and I go, ahem, thinking about them not allowing Cait that same grace.

One of the kids asks how happy they are. Cait talks about not knowing who she was. Now she’s excited about life, but there was a lot of struggle first. Jenny says it was Cait’s turn to be worried about what they would say, but everyone was respectful and eloquent. I agree. Everyone is proud of everyone.

Cait says that no matter what your situation is, you can live an authentic life. It’s about dealing with all of our stuff, not just trans issues. Candis apologizes for being too hard on Cait and says she’ll be more open to her conservative views. Cait says they’ll have plenty of time.

Next week, Candis flirts with her trainer, and Cait meets with Scott.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta — The Reunion, Part Two

Because some new shows started tonight, I couldn’t watch my line-up without something overlapping. I chose to miss the first half of this one, since Once Upon A Time doesn’t repeat and I didn’t want to lose any of I Am Cait. I think those girls have more important things to say than these girls. So we join our program already in progress.

Dylan is there, but gets the bum’s rush before he gets a chance to say much. Andy asks Phaedra about getting her groove back after Apollo going to prison. We flash back to various Phaedra scenes, many with the kids, and of course the visit to the prison. Andy asks about the visit part we didn’t see. Phaedra says she thought it would be more emotional with the kids, but it really wasn’t. She talks about Apollo not wanting the divorce. Andy asks about them going back and Phaedra isn’t too keen on it and talks about some weirdness in the room during the visit and also that the kids got pretty bored after about an hour and it wasn’t like they could just leave.

Phaedra says she’s glad that’s over with, so people can mind their own business. Andy stirs the pot by asking is it anyone in particular. She throws some shade at Kandi, but Kandi says that she just finds it sad that Dylan doesn’t know his dad and one day Apollo will be out of prison, so they need a relationship. Kandi says she has to be honest about the pros and cons as a friend. Phaedra says none of the guys who were his friends have ever checked on the kids seeing if they need a male role model. Cynthia says that she’s told Phaedra she’ll be there if she needs her. It looks to me like Phaedra freezes people out and then gets pissed when they’re not asking if she needs help all the time.

They talk about Phaedra’s boys and it is a little sad. Phaedra talks about them always being her babies and when Aiden said he was afraid, it broke her heart.

Porsha is asked about her strange on-camera relationships. Porsha says she’s not in a relationship with Oliver (the latest), but they speak every day. They move on to the Miami trip. We go back to Kenya asking that weird guy to leave. They talk again about how Porsha and Phaedra acted like Kenya was labeling him as a Black man. It turns out even the president of Black Lives Matter tweeted Porsha and told her to knock it off. Kenya says that the dude had an aggressive and threatening manner toward women, so it wasn’t exactly an example to be setting. Kim said it was more awkward than aggressive and wonders why Kenya didn’t ask security to remove him. Kenya says she went to Tammy first. She says that it turns out the guy also had been involved in unsavory activities.

It’s brought up that it was Kenya who invited him back to the house. She says yes, but with Tammy. Phaedra says it was a case of Kenya wanting him, but him not being receptive. I disagree. The tape shows how aggressive he was and if he hadn’t been and Kenya was interested, she would have just not taken no for an answer, not asked him to leave.

Kandi comes to Kenya’s defense, saying the guy had no right to behave the way he did. She said Kenya did nothing wrong and she can’t believe they all think it was okay. Cynthia admits that had it been anyone else, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. Kandi says at the end of the day, Kenya does some crazy stuff, but regardless of whether you like her or not or what she said was right or not, the guy shouldn’t have behaved the way he did.

Next week, The Reunion, Part Three, Nene shows up in a barely there outfit, Porsha’s violence is called out, and the men join the ladies.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

No reunion yet? How is this show is still on???

Robyn meets Gizelle for lunch. Gizelle toasts to new beginnings. She asks if Juan told Robyn about their conversation. She thinks they should figure out what the end result of their relationship is going to be. Robyn says the “ingredients” are there, but she’s not sure if she wants to be open again. She says if Juan takes an out-of-state job, it will force them to make a decision. Gizelle thinks it’s important for the children as well.

Katie meets with her friend Tia. They talk about Andrew a little and Katie moves on to Karen’s “gala.” Katie says it was more like a cocktail party. Agreed.

At Karen’s house, a family cookout is being planned. Karen says it’s the first time in 19 years that they’ll be alone. She and Ray talk about the gala that wasn’t. Ray asks her about the altercation at the end. Karen says Ashley tried to out-queen her and that wasn’t going to happen. Talk about exaggeration. Jealous much?

Katie and Tia talk about Gizelle. Katie says other than dressing like a prostitute and acting bitchy, Gizelle is a nice person. Better duck. That shade is being pulled down.

Ashley picks up her mother, Sheila, for lunch. Sheila bought a house and had to sue the previous owner. She won the suit, but the amount wasn’t enough to cover everything, so she had to declare bankruptcy. Ashley and Michael want to buy Sheila a new home, but Sheila thinks it’s too big of a gift. Ashley says she’s in the position to do it and she wants to. Sheila says she never wants to be her burden. Ashley says that’s not the case. I say, geez, they have a skabillion dollars, take the house. And pick out a nice house. In her individual interview, Ashley says it’s bizarre that Karen doesn’t want Ashley around her daughter, since she actually makes a pretty good role model.

Charrisse is turning 50 and she says it’s going to be a new Charrisse. She’s going to have a slide show of her pictures during her party. Not too egotistical. Katie comes over to give her modeling tips for her birthday photo shoot. Charrisse says she’s having the party at the Carnegie Library. Her husband can’t make the party, but I don’t think she cares a whole lot.

It’s Rayvin’s going away party and Karen is getting ready with last minute stuff. She’s about to put her feet up for a second, when the bartender shows up, who Karen had no idea was hired by her husband. Spousal communication is a universal problem. She tells Ray he made her look like an idiot and he tells her not to sweat the small stuff.

All the relatives and friends gather in Karen’s backyard for some barbecue. Karen cries on Ray’s shoulder in the kitchen because she’s having a hard time letting go.

Gizelle sits her girls down for a family meeting. She says she’s been dating a little and she wants to talk to them about it. She asks them how they feel about her dating. I suppose the chant of “get a boyfriend” answers that question. Charrisse drops by with her dogs. They chat in the kitchen. Gizelle asks if Eddie is coming to the birthday party. Charrisse says she’d love for him to be there, but it is what it is. She also says the party is totaling around 80 grand, so maybe it’s good he’s not around.

Robyn meets Juan for lunch. Juan wants to be a head coach, but has to work his way up. Robyn asks about the out-of-state job. He says nothing is going on with that yet, and Robyn is relieved.

Charrisse’s birthday is upon us. I’m speechless. I don’t even know what to say about the slide show, giant cake and a billion balloons. Katie says Karen should take note on event planning and I have to agree with that. She also says it’s kind of like a wedding and I have to agree there too. A sad wedding. With just a bride.

Ashley says hello to Karen, who can’t brush her off fast enough. She asks the girls how she became the bad guy all of a sudden. In a moment of the pot calling the kettle black, Gizelle says Ashley can be a bit of a dum-dum. Karen says she doesn’t have time for Ashley’s shenanigans tonight. Gizelle wants them to talk, but doesn’t get anywhere. Ashley catches Karen in the hall and asks if they can talk, but Karen says no, she’s there to enjoy the evening with her husband. In her individual interview, Karen says Ashley doesn’t belong in this world. Does anyone? Ashley is kind of like a persistent puppy and somewhat annoying, but on the other hand, I just don’t see what the big deal is here. I usually don’t when it comes to Karen, who makes it up as she goes along.

Charrisse makes a costume change. Her daughter makes a little speech and it’s very sweet. A reasonably sized cake comes out. Charrisse does some rapping and her father looks less than impressed.

Michael grabs Andrew’s behind. Why? Who knows. Ashley says he’s just being silly. What’s really weird is, Michael and Andrew are talking and having a drink, while the ladies are discussing it. Gizelle asks if butt-grabbing is a white thing. For whatever reason Ashley thought Robyn and Gizelle were bi-racial and they get all offended. Then they go back to more butt-grabbing talk. Zzzzz….

Katie tells Andrew about the discussion. Katie says Robyn and Gizelle seem fixated about how Black they are, and are the most obsessed with race.

Ashley says something to Michael about the butt-grabbing being a white thing and jokes that it is. Ashley says she’s grabbed everyone’s butt except Karen’s. I don’t think I’ve ever grabbed a friend’s butt. Charrisse is happy with her $80,000 party, so that’s all that really matters.

Perhaps Michael has had too much to drink because he gets teary-eyed over how lucky he is to be married to Ashley.

Next week, we still can’t get rid of them, the girls go horseback riding, Ashley wants a baby, and Andrew goes on a golf trip without Katie.

Mar23

March 22, 2016 — GH, Dubai via Beverly Hills & Drama via Tyler Perry

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Hayden is looking at the portrait of Helena when Nicholas comes in. She says there’s something about the portrait and he says the something is that it’s creepy.

Alexis has Jason and Sam sign the divorce papers.

Nina runs into Obrecht. Nina is quite exuberant, and Obrecht asks why she has blackbirds singing on her shoulder. Nina says she must mean bluebirds, but Obrecht says not in Germany, because bluebirds have weak songs and harsh calls. I laugh because Obrecht is the best. Nina has an appointment with Dr. Lee so she can get pregnant.

Tracy says the inmates are running the asylum and she’s leaving.

Silas who isn’t Silas arrives with his iguana. Elizabeth is startled to see him, but he introduces him as Dr. Hamilton Finn. He asks her to put his pet Roxie in a room that’s no less than 85 degrees, gives her crickets for feeding, and off he goes.

Griffin asks Monica how Tracy is doing. She says she called in a specialist, and there he is. Monica says she never noticed the striking resemblance between Dr. Finn and Silas. Really? Really?! She introduces him to Griffin and he tells Griffin to call him “Finn.” Finn asks to see Tracy, who is packing to leave.

Obrecht says that she thought Nina couldn’t have children and Nina says Britt might have been wrong. Obrecht tells her that Britt was an excellent doctor and Nina bring up Britt’s passing off Lulu’s baby as her own. Obrecht says it was only for three months and Nina says still, she’d like to double-check.

Franco calls Nina. He’s picking up take-out for Kiki, and he asks if Nina would like to have a picnic in her office afterward.

Sam and Jason make a coffee toast to Alexis’s success with Olivia’s case. Franco comes by and asks how Jake is and asks Jason what they’re going to do about the book.

Nicholas says the only reason he’s keeping the portrait is because Spencer loved his grandmother. Hayden says you can see into her soul, but Nicholas says she didn’t have one. He says he should be grateful all she left him was a meaningless painting. Hayden says maybe it’s not so meaningless.

Hayden says she sees a reflection in the teapot that she wants to take a closer look at. Nicholas gets a little weird and wants to move the painting elsewhere.

Jason asks what book and Franco tells him about the book Helena left to Elizabeth. Apparently, Jason knows nothing about it. Franco says not to worry; he’ll see Jake through it.

Nina explains her history to Dr. Lee and how Britt told her it would be nearly impossible to conceive a child. Dr. Lee says she agrees with the results, but Nina says she has reason to believe Britt might have made a mistake and wants a second opinion.

Tracy says Monica wins and she’ll listen to Finn. Finn starts to talk and Obrecht comes in. She says that half the staff thought they were seeing the ghost of Silas and Finn has no business being there. Monica says she called him in to treat Tracy, but Obrecht says she doesn’t run the hospital. She adds she’ll procure the necessary paperwork — maybe.

Jason is miffed that Elizabeth didn’t tell him about the book. Sam says she probably didn’t think of it in all the mess that Helena’s will created. Sam gets a call from Spinelli.

Hayden keeps looking at the portrait, but Nicholas tries to take her attention away from it. She asks if she should be concerned about how bothered he is over it. She asks if he wound’t feel better if he knew what Helena was trying to tell him. He says who knows what insanity she had planned and Hayden says that’s it. What’s it?

Finn says most American doctors don’t know how to look for the infestation. He says it’s a larvae infestation — worms. Ewww! Tracy laughs at first and then asks how they got there. Finn says unsanitary conditions and asks if she ate anything from a suspicious source. She says she should have known running into Ashton was a bad omen and asks how they treat it.

Franco brings the take-out for Kiki to the hospital and Obrecht asks if they should allow chaos to reign. Apparently take-out is not allowed. She says obviously he’s overcome his doubts about becoming a father because Nina was there for an appointment with Dr. Lee. Franco asks Obrecht to hold the take-out bag and goes to the elevator.

Nina tells Dr. Lee about losing her baby when she was in a coma. Dr. Lee says she can’t promise to give Nina the news she wants to hear, but they’ll do an exam. Franco walks in and asks Nina what the hell she’s doing.

Jason approaches Elizabeth about the book. He asks to see it.

Sam doesn’t recognize the person connected with the number she had Spinelli look up. Sam asks Alexis if a client has stopped using her services, if it’s all right for her to continue on her own. Alexis says that’s up to her. Alexis says she knows what it’s like to not be able to let something go. She says she’s still wondering about the dagger. She says sometimes you know you should throw something far away, but you can’t until you get the answers.

Hayden sees the reflection of a man in the teapot. She wonders what Helena wants Nicholas to know. Nicholas says Helena would disappear when he was a kid, but he couldn’t relax because he knew she’d be back. He says this is one last mind game and he refuses to play. He says Hayden should too, and he leaves for the office.

Jason looks at the book and says it’s definitely disturbing and should be kept from Jake. Elizabeth says it’s their only clue to what happened on the island. Jason tells her not to fall into Helena’s trap. Elizabeth says if Jake does well in therapy, they should consult the therapist and see if and when Jake should see it. Jason asks if the therapist is Franco.

Dr. Lee tells Franco to get out, but he asks for a minute with Nina. Nina says it’s okay. The doctor leaves and Franco tells Nina he doesn’t want a child. She asks what changed.

Finn says they have medication and if it doesn’t work, they have other options, but they should start Tracy on it right away. He says if it wasn’t for Griffin, her condition might have gone undiagnosed. Dillon asks if he can unpack her bags. She says yes, but get her food because Obrecht feeds her prisoners slop. Obrecht comes in and says until Finn gets privileges at the hospital, he can’t treat any patients, even Tracy. I get that we’re being set up for some kind of friction here, but um…Tracy could just leave if she wanted to and he could treat her elsewhere.

Elizabeth says she was talking about Jake’s doctor. Jason says he doesn’t like Franco working with Jake and it bothers him that he’s the one who told him about the book. Elizabeth says Franco found the book, but he’s right, she should have told him. She just wanted to pretend it didn’t exist for a while. Jason says it’s dangerous, and Elizabeth says that’s why they have to find out what it means. She says they need all the help they can get and Jake opens up to Franco.

Franco tells Nina that he literally lost a child and tells her about Leo. Nina says no harm, no foul. Franco says he doesn’t think he could handle being a parent. He wants to give her everything she wants, but he’d be a nervous wreck all the time with a child. He asks why the two of them can’t be enough for one another.

Nicholas sees Alexis and she asks if he’s recovered from the will reading. She asks what happened after she left and what Helena left for him.

Hayden studies the painting. The doorbell rings. It’s Sam. Hayden tells her Nicholas is out on business. Sam says she might be interested too, in a woman named Naomi Dreyfuss.

Elizabeth says it’s about Jake, not her or Jason. He likes Franco and she cares about doing what’s best for Jake. She says they’ll work on it togethere. Jason reluctantly agrees for Jake to continue art therapy with Franco.

Franco says he loves Nina and has a life he never thought possible. He says because of her, he’s a better person. He says the magazine is a runaway success and they’re flourishing. For the first time in his life, he can say that he’s happy. Nina says she is too. He says why trade it in for constant worry and potential heartache? She says okay, they’ll leave it as is. Franco says the’ll celebrate the Crimson triumph later. He leaves, but Nina looks pretty sad. The doctor comes back in and Nina tells her to go ahead with the examination.

Obrecht says she’s chief of staff and hers is the only opinion that matters. Tracy says without the Quartermaines there would be no hospital. Obrecht says it will take a week to go through what they need to do to give Finn privileges there. Monica says she should know rules at GH are made to be broken or bypassed. Obrecht says they’re leaving themselves open for a lawsuit. Tracy says she wants Dr. Finn and they all realize he’s gone.

Finn checks into the hotel with Roxie. He says they’re going to be happy there.

Nicholas tells Alexis about the portrait. She says burn it. He says it’s evidence of Helena’s narcissism. Alexis says there’s always more to the story when it comes to Helena.

Hayden says she doens’t know who Sam is talking about. Sam says she knows the name well, and does she want to talk about it. Hayden says she doesn’t and get the hell out. After Sam leaves, she studies the painting again.

Tomorrow, Kristina asks Sonny what he did, Laura looks for answers, and Tracy tells Obrecht to find Dr. Finn stat.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Yolanda is getting ready for her speech. She says she hasn’t done any Botox in several years and it’s interesting to see how your face changes. Yeah, it’s called getting older.

The event is pretty crowded. Kathryn says a gala in NYC is a big deal. Kyle is shocked that the event is so huge. David pretends to be a supportive husband to Yolanda on the red carpet. I sneeze and it sounds like “D-bag!”

Tommy Hilfiger’s daughter, who is a Lyme disease survivor, starts the speeches. Kyle feels badly about the whole Munchausen’s conversation when one of the speakers talks about people not believing she was sick because she doesn’t look sick. Gigi, who seems like a lovely young woman, introduces Yolanda.Yolanda says she doesn’t know if it’s heartbreaking or heartwarming. Probably a combination of both.

As Yolanda speaks, we flash back to various times she was sick and also conversations about it. Yolanda says they’re going to search the globe until an affordable cure is found. Erika says this closes the chapter on misunderstandings and it’s a shame LisaR couldn’t be there. Kyle is all upset and says she can’t deal. Kathryn says ignorance isn’t an excuse. Maybe so, but it’s a reason, so shut up and educate people instead of blowing them off.

Kyle talks to Yolanda about Bella and Anwar having the disease. Yolanda says Kyle gets it on a deeper level now. Okay, okay, we get it. Everyone has the feels.

LisaV had to go to London to renew her passport, and is hoping to relax a little before the trip to Dubai. Her son Max has been working hard, and she gives him a new car. Would she like to adopt an older child? Lisa says she tells her kids she loves them every day, but her parents weren’t like that. She chalks it up to being British. Giggy!

LisaR is packing for Dubai. Harry thinks she should just bring a pair of jeans, but she says she needs at least 10 outfits. Lisa says the rules are no cursing, no dressing inappropriately, and no using your middle finger. She’s worried about leaving the kids with Harry. Harry says women think guys are always irresponsible. Well…yeah.

Eileen is excited and terrified to go to Dubai. Eileen tells Vince about how you have to cover up. The girls all talk about who they’d want for cell-mates if they got arrested. Erika says maybe LisaV could spin a web they could capture the guards with. Ha-ha!

Erika says she needs to be both glamorous and appropriate. Her gay slam squad helps her pack. My Lord, I thought I packed a lot of unnecessary things when I go on a trip. Erika actually has a look-book to help figure out her outfits.

The trip is 14 hours from Atlanta. Kyle says she wants to go, she just doesn’t want to get there and I understand completely. Love traveling, hate the process. Everyone meets at LAX. They switch planes in Atlanta.

After the fastest 14 hour flight ever, we’re in Dubai. LisaV says she feels like she’s been around the world and back already. They divvy up the rooms in the limo. Erika is going to room with Kathryn and says she’s put their past squabbles behind them.

Yolanda’s house has sold. She’s nostalgic over times with the family there, but excited to be moving on. David starts to border on being an a-hole.

Atlantis, The Palm Dubai is the hotel. Eileen says it’s like an Arabian Las Vegas experience. It’s huge and glittery with a humongous blown glass sculpture in the lobby. Holy! Lisa and Kyle’s suite is nearly 10,000 square feet.

Brandy comes to visit Yolanda. Yolanda says she’s been consistent with her support and that she’s not fake. No, Yolanda, it’s called having no filter. Brandy talks about her date the previous night and says the guy had short arms. Please. She asks how Yolanda and David are doing? Yolanda is vague.

Yolanda talks to Brandy about LisaR’s offense at her going out to lunch with Brandy and Kim, and missing Erika’s party. Brandy makes snarky comments about LisaR, which Yolanda snickers at. Kind of hypocritical. Yolanda tells her that LisaR said she has Munchhausen’s syndrome. She did not. WTF? Yolanda has been hanging out with Brandy too long and is now making it up as she goes along.

I could totally move into Kyle and LisaV’s suite. The other rooms are nothing to sneeze at either. If I went there, I might never leave my room. Although I’m sure a night there costs about as much as my husband’s yearly salary. Just look away while I drool.

LisaV has her hair piled on top of her head and even though she’s wearing a caftan, she out Hepburns Audrey Hepburn.

Everyone is wearing clothing befitting the country except for Kathryn, who stands out like a sore thumb in a short leopard print dress. Kyle gives caftans to everyone, and Kathryn wisely changes into hers, looking a million times better. They sit down to a private dinner.

LisaV asks about New York. Kyle talks about Yolanda’s speech and how two of Yolanda’s kids have Lyme disease. Erika says it’s too bad LisaR couldn’t be there. It might have answered some questions for her. Lisa says she never doubted Yolanda was sick, but she’s used it as a shield. Erika says she thinks she’s doing all she can and why would she want to miss the Dubai trip? She doesn’t think Lisa is being fair. Lisa says it’s just her opinion, but Erika says she believes Yolanda is operating at the best level she can.

Eileen says that she doesn’t get what Lisa isn’t understanding. Lisa says she feels like she’s being held to a different standard by Yolanda. She also doesn’t get Yolanda’s friendship with Brandy, and how she seems to give Brandy allowances the rest of them aren’t given. I do get what she’s saying, basically that Yolanda is surrounding herself with yes men and using her illness to her advantage, but it is her business and what I don’t get is why it’s such a big deal. I’m not so sure I wouldn’t do the same thing in her shoes, although I certainly wouldn’t be friends with Brandy. Bleh.

LisaR says the picture of Yolanda out to lunch with Brandy and Kim enraged her, which is really the wrong word to use. She says she thinks that Yolanda should have saved her energy for Erika’s dinner. She says she wants to go to bed after having lunch with Brandy and Kim. Frankly, I would too. I think they would wear out Mother Teresa and she has the patience of a saint. BA DUM CHHH! Lisa asks how Erika felt about the dinner and we have to revisit that nonsense. I’m with Erika in that they should just have fun and not rehash old crap.

Kyle suggests looking at the view which is absolutely breathtaking.

Next time, the ladies go to the beach, on a safari, and smoke hookahs; a sea lion kisses LisaV; there’s a lot of arguing; and LisaV says she’s had enough.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Randal wants to go visit Alex and Louise tells him he’s not going over there. He says he’s not a child and she says quit acting like one. She asks if he used Marcie’s credit card and why would he do that. He says why would Marcie have sex with Brad, because those two things are exactly the same. Louise says he’s just like his father. Randal asks when she started taking Marcie’s side and Louise says when she realized Marcie was right.

He asks if Louise supports Marcie sleeping with Brad, and Louise is like, no, stupid, she was right to stand by your side while you were out acting the fool. Louis says Marcie stood by Randal the way she stood by Randal’s father.

She says she was at work in her flower store and a woman in a suit came in. She told Louise she was from child services and her earnings were going to be garnished to pay for her husband’s child. (Can they do that?) When she looked at the papers, she saw her friend’s name, who had told her the child was her ex’s. She tells Randal you reap what you sow.

Randal says he didn’t fall in love with Alex on purpose. Louise says that doesn’t make it right. He says it makes him human and she says no more human than Marcie. He says she did it on purpose to hurt him. Louise asks if it did and when he says yes, Louise says she succeeded and they’re even then. Randal says he’ll have the last word. Louise says he is just like his father. Randal says he’s nothing like his father, and Louise says this version is really close. She says he left her to raise Randal and his brother alone and ran off with her friend until he got cancer.

Randal says but then she took care of him. Louise says Randal and his brother hated her for it, but what was she supposed to do, let him die? Maybe Marcie should leave him die if the same thing happens to him. He says he loves Alex and says Louise is full on Marcie’s side now. Louise says yes, she is. Randal says Louise couldn’t stand her and Louise says she’s woman enough to admit when she’s wrong. She says Randal could never admit when he was wrong. She tells him to just admit it. He says he’s not wrong and I want to smack him. Louise says fine, but he’s still not going over there.

Esperanza gives Claudia an herbal drink to calm her nerves. Claudia asks if Pete is gong to be all right. Esperanza says she doesn’t know. Claudia asks how she deals with it and Esperanza says she tries not to fill herself with anxiety and just process the information as it comes. She suggests Claudia take the day off, but Claudia says she needs the money.

Claudia says when Pete saw Eddie talking to the captain, he freaked out. She says they also don’t put rookies on the south side. Esperanza says she should stop asking questions.

Faun tells her father that he should hire Natalie back, since the restaurant is out of control. She adds that Joey is a good guy. She says she plans on seeing him again. Her father says he’s telling her mother. She says her mother knows and she heard some stories about them when they were dating. Her father starts to walk away and Faun tells him Natalie has the right to sue him because he fired her for something that her son did. She tells him to let Natalie have her job back and this can be water under the bridge. He says okay, and tries to get her to stop seeing Joey, but that’s not going to happen.

Joey is waiting for her in the car. She tells him Natalie has her job back. Quan and his lackey are in a car watching them. Quan wants his dude to follow Faun and see what she does with the receipts from the restaurant.

Kelly drops by the station to see Lushion. Esperanza tells her he’s out on a call. Kelly says it’s really deserted and Esperanza tells her that’s how it is when a cop gets shot. Kelly says she wanted to find out what’s going on between Lushion and Natalie and tells her about the house situation. Esperanza says she’ll tell Lushion that Kelly stopped by.

Brad hunts throughout the neighborhood for Alex. He goes back to the house. Rusty goes outside for a smoke. Alex is behind one of the houses with the baby. Who seems like he’s light as a feather and it’s obvious she’s holding an empty blanket. Do these people learn nothing in acting class.?

At the scene of the shooting, Lushion asks Steven why Pete wasn’t wearing a vest. He says 16 rookies have died in five years. Stephen asks why he’s researching it. Lushion says it’s right there on the apartment wall. Stephen says let’s hope they don’t add to the wall. Lushion tries to get information out of him, and Stephen says he just does what he’s told. He adds that Lushion is’t his boss.

Ben makes up something for his statement. Stephen says they’ll finish it at the station. Ben babbles something at Lushion. Lushion grills him, but Lushion notices that what he’s saying isn’t consistent with him not having any injuries. Eddie, who acts like he’s the boss, tells Lushion to get in the car. Eddie tells Ben that if Pete sings, it will be his funeral.

Faun wants to talk to Natalie, but Joey thinks it’s a bad idea. Natalie asks him what he wants and Faun asks to talk to her. Natalie says she has nothing to say to Faun. Faun tells Joey to say he’s sorry and Joey tells Natalie he’s sorry for the second time. Natalie says she doesn’t believe Joey and he’s not moving back in with her. Faun tells Natalie she has her job back. She says she and Joey are just friends now and asks when Natalie is coming back to work. Natalie says she’ll be there the day after tomorrow because she’s not going to just come running when he calls. Faun leaves. Joey tells Natalie he has nowhere else to go. Natalie relents.

Randal goes to the hospital to visit Julius’s father, who says his son has lost his mind. He’s angry and he needs Randal’s help to get to the bottom of the angry. He says he wasn’t much of a father and he needs Randal to see him through. Randal says if he’ll listen and Julius’s father says he’ll talk to him. he says he’s going to make changes to his will and his son is going to be angry. He says if Randal helps his son, he’ll — but then he starts coughing and has to put the oxygen mask back on.

Julius sees Esperanza at the station. She tells him to leave her and her family at home. He says he has to tell her something and that he’s sorry. She says there’s nothing to say. He says she got him shot, so the least she can do is listen. She asks if he had Eddie shot, but Julius says it’s called karma. She tells him to stop coming there. Julius says he misses her, but Esperanza says she’s done with him and the likes of him. He tells her she’s sleeping with a dirty cop and that he’s stealing from Julius’s guys. He says Eddie is bringing women to her house. Esperanza tells him to leave. Julius says his father is in stage four and when he’s gone, oh man.

Louise asks Marcie if everything is okay. Marcie says she’s just packing to go. She tells Louise about Alex’s father being there and says she won’t have to kill her because Rusty will, and tells her about Rusty’s racism.

Louise comes downstairs and says Randal isn’t hearing her. Marcie is right behind her and says he can’t. She says he’s blinded by anger. She knows because she was too, up until now. She only talks to Louise, not to Randal, and says Louise is wasting her breath. Randal tries to be insulting. Louise says Randal just wants a fight, but Marcie says she has none left. Randal tries to get a rise out of Marcie. She says he’s like most men, he can dish it out, but he can’t take it. She says he can’t stand the thought of his woman with another man because he doesn’t think it’s possible. He thinks he can do whatever he want, and nothing will come back to haunt him.

Randal keeps trying to get Marcie to fight. She says she begged him to sign the divorce papers, and she signed them, so as far as she’s concerned, she’s divorced. She says she’s going somewhere where she can live her life. She doesn’t want to stay there any longer and miss the best years. Randal says she can’t afford to leave. Marcie says he tried to make sure of that with the credit card. He says, guilty and she tosses her cards on the floor and says have them all. He talks about the baby and Alex and Brad and keeps trying to anger her. Lousie tells him if he keeps it up, she’s going to increase his life insurance.

Randal continues to act like an asshat, but Marcie ignores it. He asks her to come meet his son and babbles stupidly while Louise tries to get him to go back inside. Marcie puts her stuff in the car and leaves. He says, “What’s the matter? You don’t want to meet me and Alex’s son?” Rusty hears him and asks what he said.

Next time, Eddie is going to drag Ben down with him, Randal tells Rusty about his affair with Alex because he has a death wish, Julius says his father thinks he’s crazy, and Alex’s mother draws a gun.

Important information — The Real Housewives of New York City begins April 6.

Mar21

March 20, 2016 — An Exhausting Night of TV

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

When we last left him, Hook had to decide which of his friends would be staying in the Underworld. He refuses. Hades says he’s disappointed…and angry. He sends Hook to solitary. He tells Hook if he touches the River of Lost Souls, he’ll be lost, so he’d better keep his hands inside the boat.

Gold finds a note from Peter saying that the shop is his to do what he wants. He cooks up some eye of newt stuff in a cauldron. He looks into a crystal ball and sees Belle. He drops the ball, smashing it.

The others are planning on springing Hook. Gold comes in to discourage them from their plan. He has an aura of a dead person that he can give himself and Emma to get through. He knows someone who will give them their aura.

Back in the old days, a snake has bitten Gold’s son.

Gold sees his wife as a crossing guard in the Underworld. He tells her he’s not dead, just visiting. He says her job is ironic, keeping children safe. He asks her if she wants to go on a romantic adventure and says they need to get Hook. She says she’s responsible for the children, and he says, um… they’re dead already. He asks if she’ll help him if it means saving Hook. Hmm….

Hook is being held by Hades above the River of Lost Souls. Hades tells Hook that they brought contraband into his world, which is forbidden, and he still sees hope in Hook’s eyes. He wants it to be gone before Hook reaches the water. He tells Hook to feel free to go mad.

Gold introduces Mila, his ex-wife (and Hook’s ex), to Emma. Mila is like, you’ve been with my ex-lover and son (Neil). Gold says they’ll laugh about it one day.

Regina approaches Cruella. She wants to know how to find someone in the graveyard. Cruella says let’s sit down and be civilized.

Gold, Mila and Emma join hands to get through a barrier to the low place of the Underworld. The Under Underworld, if you will. The door slams shut behind them.

Olden days Gold and his wife approach a witch doctor for a snake bite cure. He says the potion is very rare and will cost 100 gold pieces. They don’t have it and leave, but Mila says they’ll come back and take it.

Emma thanks Mila and tells her that she’s had a vision of Neil and he’s moved on and is happy. Whatever he had to resolve, is done. They’re at the River of Lost Souls where there’s a boat. Mila says they can take it to Hook. She has her reasons to want to come with them.

Regina asks if she finds a headstone if that means the person is in “Underbrooke.” Cruella says no, it might mean they’re just passing through. Cruella happens to have a cemetery plot map on her, which is pretty convenient. One color means they’re there, another they’re just passing through and another means they’ve moved on.

Emma, Gold and Mila take the boat to where Hook is. Gold tells Emma he’s staying in the boat and she’ll be fine on her own. Mila stays with him.

Olden days Mila buys a dagger with their last gold coin for Gold/Rumpel to kill the witch doctor. She tells him to do something brave for once. He leaves and some brute tries to pick Mila up. Hook intervenes. He introduces himself. Mila asks him if it’s wonderful to travel the ocean. He says it’s pretty amazing and asks her if she’d like to see it. She says she has responsibilities of a husband and child. I’m guessing they “hooked” up later? Hahahahaha!

Hook dangles over the water and drops further down when Emma comes in. She walks out onto a platform above the water toward him. I love the sets in this show! She manages to grab Hook and get him onto something stable. He tells her she should leave. Of course she won’t. Like she traveled all that way just to leave him there.

Mila talks to Gold while they’re waiting. She tells him her unfinished business wasn’t Hook, it was their son. She should have been there for him instead of punishing him because she hated Rumpel. She wants to move on so she can see him and apologize. Gold says he betrayed him as well and was forgiven, and he’ll forgive Mila.

Rumpel sneaks into the witch doctor’s tent. The doctor wakes up and says he cold kill Rumpel with a single spell, but does nothing because he knows Rumpel doesn’t have the guts to kill him. He asks how much Rumpel’s son means to him. Rumpel says everything. He says Rumpel can leave with the cure and they can make a deal. He says he would trade anything to save his son.

Hades shows up, but tells Gold he’s not there to fight. He wants to make a deal.

Snow meets Regina in the graveyard. They find Daniel Colter’s grave. Regina knows he’s not there and happy. She says he was her first love and will always live in her heart.

Gold has a drink with Hades who says he’s a fan. He says he’s been a good supplier of souls. He wants Gold to sink the boat so that his friends don’t have a way out. Gold says he can do it himself. Hades says he could, but he wants Gold to do it. Gold says Mila already saw Hades, but Hades says Gold can figure that one out.

Rumpel brings the cure back and says he didn’t even have to steal it. He says he didn’t want his son to grow up with a monster as a father, so he signed a paper saying he’d give the witch doctor his second child. Mila says he sold their future. He says the son they already have is all the future they need. Mila says thanks for deciding her future for her. Typical man. She says she’s going to the tavern.

Gold destroys the boat and tells Mila, congratulations, he’s finally become the man she wanted him to be — the one who takes what he needs. He dumps her into the river.

Emma and Hook appear, and Gold tells them Hades blew his magic back at him and that’s how Mila disappeared.

Regina and Snow come upon a hurt horse. Regina cures it and it gives her a thank you look. Snow is surprised that Regina’s magic worked.

Hook, Emma and Gold join the others. Hook says they lost the boat and a friend though. He tells Gold he should kill him, but he did help him get out, so they’re even for now. Gold says he just wants to get home and you’re welcome. Regina tells them her magic is working and as soon as they find an exit, they can get out. All of a sudden her magic won’t work though.

Regina, Snow and Emma are stuck in the Underworld.

Gold pops back to where the witch doctor lives, in full Rumpel regalia. He says the doctor took advantage of him and he admires that, but he wants to dissolve the contract. He says he can’t owe a debt to a dead man and takes his heart, saying he loves a loophole.

Gold comes to see Hades. He says he destroyed the boat, now send him home. Hades says things have changed. He’ll send him home, but not today. He says Gold tried to hide something from him and looks into the crystal ball to see Belle. He says he did a little digging and thinking, and knows Gold was trying to figure out where his son went. He says Belle is an image of his next child because Belle is pregnant. He produces the witch doctor. He says death doesn’t nullify a contract in the Underworld and the doctor signed it over to him. He says at any time he can cash the debt in and take Gold’s baby.

All magic comes with a price. The price is that Gold works for Hades. And there’s something he needs Gold to do that only he can do.

Next week, Hook begins a mutiny, Hook’s brother shows up, and Hook wants to move on from Emma.

The Walking Dead

All seems calm in Alexandria. Carol is back and on the porch having a smoke. Morgan is practicing free masonry. Rick comes by to see Morgan. Morgan is building a jail cell to give him some choices next time.

Why are we seeing the same scene we just saw? Different perspectives? Yes. Carol examines her rosary and Rosita gets dressed.

Daryl takes a toy soldier out of a pouch and tosses it aside. Carol comes by and he asks for a smoke. They’d better start growing tobacco if they want to keep this up. She asks about the people who stole his bike after he saved them. He says he should have killed them.

Daryl asks what the Saviors did to Carol and Maggie. She says they didn’t do anything.

Spencer asks Rosita what they’re doing. She says dinner, but I think he means about their relationship.

Denise shows Daryl where an apothecary is and asks to go on the next run. He asks how much time she’s spent on the outside. She says none, but she can identify the drugs there. She says she’ll go alone if she has to.

Daryl, Denise and Rosita go on a run. Daryl is having a hard time driving a stick (something I find more unbelievable than zombies existing) and Denise tells him she can drive one. He stops the car and he and Rosita get out. Rosita dispatches a zombie and goes through his pockets.

They get Denise and decide to walk. Rosita wants to take the railroad tracks and separates from Daryl and Denise.

Eugene and Abe discuss being a man. Eugene says, the key to survival is allowing oneself to be shaped by the environment. He says he’s changed and adapted and he’s a survivor. Abe says keep telling yourself that.

Denise and Daryl meet Rosita at the crossroad. Denise asks Rosita who taught her to fight. She says a lot of people taught her a lot of things. Everyone is a font of information tonight. They approach the apothecary and Daryl opens the door with a crowbar.

Abe and Eugene enter a building. Abe asks what they’re doing. Eugene says they’re going to manufacture bullets, using spent casings. I’m not sure why someone hasn’t suggested this before, even though Abe acts like it’s “outside the box” thinking. A zombie comes in and Eugene wants to be the one to kill it, but it has metal over it’s head and Abe steps in. Eugene says he had dibs and Abe says he’d have better luck picking up a turd by the clean end. Eugene says killing zombies is in his skill set and Abe says manufacturing bullets is in his skill set. Eugene says he doesn’t need Abe or his protection anymore. Abe tells Eugene to find his own way back. Why did Eugene act like such a d-bag there?

Commercial break. Fear 462. Potential zombie dispatched. Obrecht freaking out. Plane window cracked.

Rosita, Daryl and Denise enter the apothecary. They find the pharmacy area. Rosita breaks open the gate. Daryl says they’re going to take everything. They probably should. They’ll need it sooner or later. They hear some noises and Denise decides she’s going to kill whatever it is. What is up with the minor characters proving their bravery tonight?

Denise opens a door to an empty crib and a bunch of garbage. There’s a zombie wearing a cast on the floor and a sink full of blood with a little sneaker floating in it. WTF? Denise runs out of the room and goes outside. She sits on the sidewalk and is bummed by everything.

Daryl and Rosita come out. Daryl tells her she did good finding the place. Rosia says she tried to tell Denise she wasn’t ready. They walk back to the car.

Denise tells Daryl about her brother Denis. She says he was brave and angry, a dangerous combination. Daryl says it sounds like they had the same brother. Denise approaches a car and a zombie pops up making us both jump. She thinks there’s a cooler in the car they can use. Daryl tells her forget it, but she decides to try anyway. The zombie grabs her and they tumble to the ground. Denise makes her first zombie kill. Guess she was a little ready. She throws up. Okay, maybe not so much ready. She lost her glasses in the frey and finds soda in the cooler. Daryl says she could have died. She says if you want to live, you take chances. He says, for a couple of sodas? She says, no, just his one

Rosita asks if she’s that’s stupid. Denise asks her if she is. Denise says she’s training for this, and not making it up to go along. She says she asked them to be with her because Daryl is brave and Rosita is stronger than she thinks she is, giving Denise hope. She says she cold have gone with Tara and told her she loved her, but she was afraid. She says she needed to do this and can’t believe they’re not being supportive. She says they’re strong and they’re smart and —

Hole m-f-ing-f! Denise gets an arrow though the eye while she’s talking and a huge group of guys come out of the woods. They have Eugene. I think I’ve stopped breathing forever.

Dwight, on of the people who stole Daryl’s bike, asks Daryl if he has something to say. Nope. A couple of the men pat Rosita and Daryl down on the ground. Daryl says he should have killed him. Dwight says yeah, he probably should have, and asks who brought this on who? He says she wasn’t who he was aiming for. He says it’s not how they like to start new business arrangements, but he didn’t start this. By the way, he used Daryl’s crossbow to kill Denise.

Rosita asks what they want. He says they’re going to let them into Alexandria and take whatever or whoever they want, or they’re going to blow all three of their brains out. Eugene tells them to start with whoever is hiding behind the barrels and that he deserves it more than they do.

One of the guys goes to check it out and Eugene bites Dwight in the man parts. Chaos ensues with everybody shooting and then zombies joining the mix. I still haven’t started breathing again. Dwight manages to escape getting shot and those who are left flee into the woods. Daryl starts to follow, but Rosita stops him.

Wow. This sux. Eugene is wounded too. Rosita says the f-word, even though we don’t hear it. Denise lies dead on the railroad tracks.

The rest make it back to Alexandria. Eugene tells Abe he wasn’t trying to kill him and asks for an apology for trashing his skills. Abe apologizes and says welcome to stage two. Abe goes to see Sasha. She asks if he’s okay. He says she told him he has choices and that she does too. He says it could be 30 years for them there. She asks him to come inside.

Daryl and Carol bury Denise. Carol tells Daryl he was right.

Carol leaves a note for Tobin. She says she didn’t want it to end this way. They have everything they need and other people want it. She says she loves them all and would have to kill for them and she can’t. She says she wound up staying, but can’t anymore. She can’t love anyone because she can’t kill for anyone and asks that they not come after her. It’s thar same beginning scene again and Morgan sees Carol’s empty swing.

Next week, Rick gets a message, Daryl goes off on his motorcycle (presumably not to find himself), and Rick tells everyone to get ready for a fight.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta — The Reunion — Part One

Kandi is looking awesome and says baby Ace is doing well. Kim looks the best I’ve seen her like she’s channeling Marilyn Monroe. We take a trip down Memory Lane with some flashbacks from the season.

Andy asks why gave the best shade, and called Phaedra “Shadera.” Ha-ha! We go over some insults from the past season. Kenya gets into it with Phaedra pretty quickly. Go for it, Kenya, because I’ve started to dislike Phaedra intensely.

Andy asks Porsha about trashing Kenya’s new product and she says it was fun. Either she didn’t understand the question or she’s even more stupid than I thought. Next up is Kandi’s baby and family drama. After the flashbacks, Todd joins the group. Baby Ace has over 100K Instagram followers. And they haven’t even shown a picture of him yet. I’m speechless.

They talk about the restaurant venture. They’re hoping to open on Kandi’s birthday. They follow with TMI about Kandi’s breast milk.

Andy asks Sheree how it’s been being back on the show. Sheree says it was all good. They talk about Kim’s first season. Are there more flashbacks than usual? Andy asks Kim if she thinks the show is a good fit for her. She says it was entertaining. Andy asks the other women what they think. It’s a no for Kenya. She says Kim is pretty condescending. Kandi says Kim doesn’t want to deal with confrontation and a that’s what a lot of the show is about. Phaedra and Porsha kind of say the same thing, that she doesn’t engage and is judgmental. Porsha says she expected her to be “the aunt” of the group. Kim says she’s more opinionated than judgmental. Cynthia says she didn’t really hang out with the group and Kim says most people don’t know she’s shy.

They talk about the trip to Washington. Kim says it was presented as an educational tool. Sheree asks why she thought it wasn’t appropriate for the kids then. Sheree says it was a good experience for her son, however, he is nineteen and Kim’s kids are still pretty small. Personally, I think Kim is a compelling choice for the show, but she did seem like she didn’t want to be a part of it a lot of the time. I understand wanting some free travel and a weekly paycheck, but still.

The topic of Phaedra not paying Todd for the exercise video comes up. Well, Andy brings it up as Chief Pot Stirrer. Phaedra says she’s made every step to move toward a better place. Kandi says they both want things to be better. Kandi brings up several idiotic remarks Phaedra made. Phaedra says again that she’s done what she can and she was annoyed about Apollo’s stuff being at their house without her knowledge.

Phaedra says that Kandi claimed she was trying to get sympathy, but that wasn’t the case, and she’s not fake, she’s just trying to be polite. They talk about Apollo’s stuff again. Kandi says she didn’t think it was any kind of secret. The Todd thing comes up again and we are caught in a loop. Phaedra says she’s paid up now, as of last week. Convenient timing.

Andy asks if Kandi’s “team” overstepped their boundaries. Kandi doesn’t think so, and neither do I. Phaedra says it’s unprofessional for employees to act like friends. They are friends, so how should they behave? Porsha puts in her two cents. If she had half a brain, she’d be dangerous.

The topic of physical violence comes up. Porsha talks about Kenya’s big mouth, but Kenya says she’s never actually put her hands on anyone, unlike Porsha. Andy catches Kenya texting Matt about the dog. Flashbacks about Kim and Kenya’s continuous altercation.

Kim does give Kenya compliments on Kenya’s flair for comedy, and that she’s not afraid to be a pretty girl who’s not playing “pretty.” That’s a nice compliment, although Kenya says that Kim threw shade when she watched Kenya’s pilot with her husband. Kim says her problem isn’t with Kenya’s acting, but with her personally. Sheree wonders where this Kim has been all year.

They talk about the commercial for Cynthia’s eye wear. More talk about Kenya and Kim, and Kenya apologizing to Kim. Porsha, who can’t stand that it’s not about her, talks about her own apology to Kenya for going crazy on her at the last reunion, and says it’s wasn’t accepted. Kenya says that’s because she never apologized. Cynthia tells Porsha she needs to cool down and we see Porsha’s attack on Cynthia. I heard we’re going to see some footage regarding Porsha’s attack on one of her assistants. A budding Naomi Campbell. If she was better looking and had a brain.

Kim is talking about something when Kenya interrupts, then Porsha interrupts Kenya, so I have no idea what anyone just said. Andy asks if Kenya is jealous of Kim. Kenya says Kim was a child star and she can’t compare that, but Kim is in her playing field now and is low man on the totem pole. She talks about Kim acting more high and mighty than she should. She says she’s not personally offended, but thinks Kim is arrogant.

Kandi says she enjoys seeing Kim “boss up,” since she’s usually quiet. Kim gets excited over the support. Kenya talks about Kim and her husband belittling her. Kim interrupts about Kenya interrupting. I’m lost. Kim says interruption is a form of bullying. Kenya says she’s the one who’s been bullied on the show.

Next week, part two, Apollo won’t let go, a revisit to Sheree’s wig pull, Peter joins the group, and Porsha accuses Kenta of dating a married one-eyed African. Is he rich?

I Am Cait

It’s snowing in New Mexico. The ladies meet for breakfast. Candis has a date. Candis says she’s not that excited, since her online dating experience so far as been dismal.

Cait’s new driver’s license arrives. The photo is great, but both Kim and Kourtney helped her get ready, so that’s cheatinh. Cait says it’s kind of like throwing old Bruce out the door. Cait says he was a good person who did a lot of good things, and in some ways didn’t deserve to disappear, but she had to move forward. It’s not that she wanted to throw him away; he just wasn’t her. It’s a huge moment and she gives a mini eulogy.

Cait is gong to NY to receive Glamour’s Woman of the Year award and says it’s for all of them.

Candis is about to meet her date. Cait says she sees what the other women go through and thinks the rejection is difficult. While the ladies have drinks at one of the bar’s tables, Candis waits at another table for her date. Who doesn’t show. Zackary and Cait join her. Candis goes back to the table with everyone. Geez.

The ladies go to a farm that has animal therapy to pet Silkie chickens. They’re pretty cute. The producer asks Candis if she can relate the chicken experience to her dating situation and she makes a cock joke. The therapist says that it’s hard to tell whether Silkies are male or female. The irony isn’t lost.

Next is a Salsa class. The dancing, not the dip. Cait says she’s not comfortable dancing with guys. She’s afraid that the tabloids will get pictures as well. Candis says Cait hasn’t embraced that part of her feminine side yet and says she’ll be her dancing partner. I can totally understand why Cait would be uncomfortable here.

It’s time for Cait to leave for NYC. The rest of the group is going on to Tulsa. Candis talks about a friend of hers who works a drag show in Chicago. She wants to do a number with her and Chandi. Chandi says she misses the old days when she used to perform.

They stop at a restaurant and aren’t allowed to eat there. The restaurant owner didn’t want them there when he found out what show was being filmed. Kind of sad. Next is a rock climbing gym. These girls have more energy than I could ever hope to have. I would have been totally bummed after the restaurant scene too. Chandi breaks a nail and she’s done. They’ve also joined up with two male trans models who they invite to dinner.

They reconvene at a place called Legends that has a mechanical bull. What vitamins do they take? Candis considers dating a trans guy.

Cait is getting her makeup done. She talks about how her greatest fear was once being thought of as a freak, and how everyone has been so accepting. She gets to the red carpet. Kylie is supposed to be her date, but she’s late, so Cait has to go on by herself.

Kylie meets Cait at the hotel later. She says her dressed totally ripped, but Cait says they could have worked around it. Cait says she’s disappointed, but at least Kylie made it for the actual award show, which I guess we don’t get to see.

The rest of the gang heads for Chicago. I’m exhausted just watching this episode. Cait meets them there. Candis tells Cait about the drag show. Debbie Downer Jenny says that some come from a showbiz universe and some don’t, but she looks at things from a different perspective. Instead of seeing life as a performance, she wants to see it in reality. (Can’t it be both?) Chandi talks about how those were the roots and the saving grace of many a trans person, and while she gets where Jenny is coming from, she’s surprised she doesn’t understand the other side of it as well.

Chandi talks to Candis about how Jenny feels about drag. Candis says that Jenny and Cait come from a different place, and they hid things differently. Chandi says drag helped save her from being a gay boy in a closet. She talks about her parents, who sound like good people. She starts to cry and Candis hugs her. She works with young people and takes a lot of their problems to heart, even though she comes off as happy-go-lucky most of the time.

Out to the bar at the hotel. Cait is wearing a really cool graphic sweater that has a tape measure across it. The girls are mingling. Candis says Cait doesn’t know how to flirt with men and wants to leave. Cait goes back to her room.

She and Candis get together for some girl talk before bed. Candis says she’s hoping Cait will be open to new dating situations. Cait says she sees the struggle of going out with someone and then them not wanting to be seen together and says she couldn’t handle it. Candis asks what her main fear is, and Cait says she hasn’t even been able to approach the subject with a man yet.

Cait says she thought about bringing up the possibility of her dating to Kylie, and she couldn’t even think about it. Cait says her dating a man might be confusing for the kids. Candis says she’s allowed to go out and have fun and experiment. Cait says maybe it will help thinking of it as an experiment. Candis says they both need to broaden their horizons.

Jenny and Zackary talk about the show. Jenny says she wants to celebrate everyone’s way of being, but also celebrate her own. Zackary says the trans community is split on the issue, but friends should support each other. She says embracing differences is Jenny’s challenge. Jenny says she understands that the drag world saved Chandi’s life.

It’s been a long time since Chandi performed and she’s nervous. Candis does a performance with another performer and they introduce Chandi — now Chandelier. Of course she’s fabulous.

Cait says everyone is taking risks on the trip, and even Jenny is shoving dollar bills in Chandi’s bra. Chandi says it was a reconnecting moment with yourself. She says no matter who you are you can enjoy drag.

Next week, a protest, public speaking and the democratic debate.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

Is it over yet? Where did these women come from anyway? I actually like the Australian guy the best.

Gizelle is meeting with a skin chemist. She’s starting a makeup an skincare line. The chemist says they need a focus group and Gizelle knows just the women.

It’s Katie’s twins’ birthday. She and Andrew have the same couch pillow I do. It’s in a Southwestern design with a buffalo on it. Katie tells Andrew she needs a vacation from her vacation. I’ll bet. She tells him about the sister circle and how it was a downer. She leaves out the part about Gizelle being an idiot. She’s also decided to put casino night on the back burner for a few months because she has other things that need her attention. And one of them isn’t going to be Gizelle’s focus group either.

Karen is planning an event in memory of her mother-in-law to fight against Altzheimers. She wants it to be a magical evening, as well as an informative one. Karen’s husband joins them and Karen asks for entertainment suggestions. Karen’s assistant gives him some options, but he wants to scale it down. He asks for time alone with Karen and they discuss it. He feels his mother’s death is still too raw for such a huge event.

Gizelle has rented a bar to do the focus groups. I’ve done focus groups and this is pretty swanky. Usually, you just sit around a table and discuss. Ashley approaches Gizelle about the incident at the beach. Gizelle says it wasn’t so much that her husband showed up, but that some of the girls (i.e. Karen) felt disrespected. Charrisse has decided she wants to let go of petty things.

Gizelle, who is light-skinned with green eyes, says when she was growing up, people pegged her as mean or stuck up because of the way she looked. She says she didn’t come into her own beautywise until she was in her 40s.

Karen says it’s similar to Bare Minerals, but she’s supportive. Katie is a no-show, which Karen finds rude.

Katie is busy with the Rost Foundation, or as she says, real work. I have news for her, at my age, makeup is real work.

After the focus group, there’s food and drink for the ladies. Ashley decides to approach Karen. Karen feels it was rude of Michael to just show up the way he did. She says immaturity wrecked the weekend. Gizelle suggests they agree to disagree and let the men settle any beef. Ashley wonders what the men might do. Duel?

Robyn and Juan are still in limbo over whether or not he got an out-of-state coaching job. Robyn tells him about the beach trip. She tells him about how she had to room with Gizelle, but it made her feel nostalgic. They talk about when they met. Juan remembers that they talked about The Young and the Restless. They’re putting together some kind of storage cabinet. Robyn says the reason she doesn’t want to get back together with him totally is because of his cheating in the past.

Karen and Ashley meet for golf with their husbands. Karen is hoping the men can iron (no pun intended) things out about the beach incident. Why anything needs to be ironed out is beyond me and I think Ashley feels the same way.

Karen tells Ray that she and Ashley have come to an impasse. Michael feels he did nothing wrong, but is open to hearing what the problem was. Ray says he doesn’t need Michael seeing his wife in skimpy outfits as girls are wont to wear at these things. The guys make jokes and they move to the next hole. Karen feels like she was finally heard, and Ashley is glad to be back in Karen’s good graces, but this all seems ridiculous to me. While I understand what Karen’s gripe is, to go on about it at this level is insane.

Charrisse is about to turn 50. She says water is a sign of new beginnings, so she’s going to learn to swim. She had a bad experience with snorkeling when she was younger, and didn’t get back in the water again. I can’t imagine not taking every opportunity possible to get in the water.

Karen is flower shopping for her event. She’s looking for cherry blossoms, but they’re only available in the spring. Karen won’t believe it, but you’d think that’s something she would know living in the DC area. They get some kind of roses instead.

Everyone is getting ready for Karen’s event. Katie is actually going to two different events and is going to change in the car. Karen has turned this into a launching party for a bigger gala later.

I hate to say this, but this looks like anybody else’s party. Katie is a little startled too, so at least I know it’s not me. Don’t get me wrong, she’s got an amazing house, but the decor is basically little tables with rose centerpieces scattered throughout the dining room. Gizelle says something to Katie about not showing up for the focus group, and Katie pretends to be sorry.

Karen tells the girls all about how Ray gave Michael “the business” at the golf course. Really? Ray gives the floor to Karen. Ashley and Michael are at the door and the bell repeatedly rings as she’s speaking. The jazz musicians hired for the event finally answer the door. Of course Karen is appalled by this behavior.

Ashley tells Gizelle there was no business to give and wonders what Karen has been telling people. At this point, she says Karen isn’t approaching her efforts or respecting her. Ashley tells the other girls that Karen doesn’t want her daughter around them. Karen comes by and says she never said that; she said she didn’t want her daughter hanging out with Ashley specifically.

Karen says she’s done with Ashley. She says the last straw for her was Ashley saying something about her daughter. Charrisse says she has to apologize to Karen. Ashley tells Michael that Karen is upset with her. Michael says apparently they’re not wanted there. Karen makes sure to let the others know that she only meant her daughter is not to be around Ashley, who is closer to her age. For some reason it’s this huge deal that Ashley spoke her daughter’s name and it seems to have turned Karen into Maleficent.

Next week, we continue to be tortured, Gizelle’s kids want her to get a boyfriend, Karen and Ray are empty nesters, Juan has to make a job decision, and Charrisse has a birthday.

Mar16

March 15, 2016 — GH, BH, Haves, Nots & Wrong Loving

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Such a great episode yesterday! It’s opened the door to so many new storylines. Leave it to Helena to stir the pot, even after death. And I don’t care if Nicholas buried her in the backyard, I still say she’ll never die. Her and Faison.

Ava is talking to an unconscious Kiki. She says Kiki always did the opposite of what Ava asked her to and says maybe she should tell Kiki to stay asleep.

Sonny visits Morgan in the hospital.

Valerie sees Dante. She somehow managed to make it to graduation. Dante tells her that he and Lulu are back together.

Laura ponders Helena’s key. She says if she were smart, she’d throw it into the harbor and forget about it. Nicholas asks if that’s what she’s going to do and she says, nope.

Julian is speaking on the phone, conferring with someone to sabotage the Crimson issue. Alexis comes into his office with the dagger.

Anna tells Griffin it’s because of Duke that he’s been following her. He asks how she knew. Did she have a baby with Duke she doesn’t know about? Hey, could happen. Remember Vicki on One Life to Live?

Ava tells Kiki she loves her. She says she doesn’t care if Kiki ever talks to her again, as long as she talks to someone.

Morgan says he doesn’t want to see Sonny or anyone.

Laura says no matter what, the key will come back to haunt her. Nicholas says that’s what Helena wants, for them to look over their shoulders for what’s coming next. Laura says she succeeded. Nicholas tells Hayden he hopes she didn’t change her mind about marrying him and she says of course not. They talk about ELQ and he says she’s the only one who can help defend him against a Quartermaine onslaught.

Dante says he knows Valerie is seeing someone too. She says the jury is still out. He says Jordan doesn’t seem like a fan. Valerie says Jordan told her Curtis used to be a coke addict.

Curtis calls Hayden and says it’s an emergency.

Julian takes the dagger from Alexis. She asks if Nina is there and he says he’s waiting to go over some stuff with her.

Griffin’s middle name is Hugh which is a Lavery family name. Anna asks if he’s related to Duke and he says yes. He’s Duke’s son.

Dante asks Valerie if she’s still going to see Curtis. She says maybe, and that everyone makes mistakes and she wouldn’t want to be measured by hers forever. She says she appreciates his concern but her personal life isn’t his business. He has a nerve too, considering he’s been no angel.

Hayden says she’s going out for a while and Nicholas should focus on Laura.

Alexis says she’s had a strange day. Julian says, obviously. She says the dagger has brought the memories of her mother’s murder back. Can I put in a request for flashbacks?

Sonny gives Morgan a tablet, so he can communicate with everyone. Morgan says why, he has nothing to say. He asks about Kiki and Sonny says she’s surrounded by people who will help her get better, like Morgan is. Morgan says he’ll never get better.

Ava calls the nurse in because Kiki said something. She goes nuts on the nurse and demands to see the doctor.

Anna asks if Duke knew about Griffin. He says he never met Duke, and his mother was deeply religious and it would upset her to talk about him. When she died, she left him a letter. It wasn’t a serious relationship, and Duke never knew she was pregnant, but by the time she caught up to him, he was already in love with Anna and she decided not to say anything. Anna feels badly that because of her, Griffin never knew his father and Duke didn’t know he had a son.

Anna says Griffin must hate her. He says no, She asks why he didn’t just approach her. He says he didn’t know how to and she’s the only one who can help him get to know his father. She tells him that Duke was the casualty of a mob war. They were going to leave town and start over, but before they could, he was ambushed. She says she’s doing everything she can to bring his killer to justice. Griffin has to go back to the hospital and leaves, forgetting the letter.

Julian says he can only imagine the trauma. Alexis says she repressed it and tried to kill Helena later, but that didn’t happen. She says she hates being a Cassadine. He says he can sympathize having grown up in the Jerome family, but he’s moved past it and they’re moving forward with their own family. Alexis says their demons are in the past.

Hayden asks Curtis what the emergency is. He’s found an apartment and needs a co-signer. She says she was in the middle of something important with her husband He says the husband that tried to kill her.

Laura thinks the key looks like it belongs to a piece of furniture.

Morgan says he doesn’t even have a reason to get out of bed. Sonny says it’s not forever and as soon as the doctors find the right meds combo, he can come home and live a normal life. Morgan is skeptical.

Ava tells Griffin that Kiki hasn’t woken up, but no one can tell her why she hasn’t woken up yet. Griffin says her vitals are better, but they don’t have an estimated time and any answer he gave her would be a guess. Ava says Kiki spoke again. Griffin says he’s going to examine her to see if there are any changes.

Alexis says Olivia’s hearing is tomorrow and she’s going to have to work on the case all night. Julian says he knows she has it all sewn up, but he knows she didn’t come there for moral support, so whats’ up?

Valerie says she looks forward to the day she and Dante can put everything behind them. She says when she first came to Port Charles, she was excited about having family, and she’ll always care about both Dante and Lulu.

Hayden says no negativity about Nicholas, he’s having a rough time having been cut out of Helena’s will. She co-signs and says she expects to be paid back in service’s rendered. Curtis drinks out of an empty coffee cup. Look, actors, if the director won’t tell you this, I will, because you keep making the same mistake. Even if it really has nothing in it, at least make it look like the cup is a little heavy. It’s called “acting.”

Nicholas asks Laura why she doesn’t get rid of the key and deny Helena any more of her emotional effort and time. She says whatever Helena has put into motion, the consequences are still waiting for her and even beyond the grave, Helena is still playing her twisted games.

Anna reads the letter. Griffin’s mother says she was very young and in love, and that Duke lived a life very different from her own. She says once Griffin was born, she realized she should track him down, but by then he was with Anna, and she saw right away they had a bond she didn’t want to interfere with. She says she missed him every day, but Griffin lessened the pain and she knew she’d never be alone.

Sonny says if he could take away Morgan’s pain, he would, but in a way he’s glad Morgan is feeling it. That means he’s dealing with things. He promises Morgan it will pass and he’ll get through it. He says Morgan won’t go through it alone and he has a lot of people rooting for him. They’ll get through it together.

Griffin says there are indications of increased brain activity and he thinks Kiki will wake up soon. He says he knows Ava feels helpless, but surrounding Kiki with love and support is the best thing she can do. Ava says she’s not sure her presence comforts Kiki, since she hasn’t been so selfless in the past. Griffin says she doesn’t need to wonder what to do; she’s already doing it. Anna listens from outside the door.

Hayden leaves and Curtis sees Valerie. He says she’s just in time to help him celebrate getting his new apartment.

Anna gives Griffin the letter. He asks if she read it and Anna says yes. He says good, he didn’t want her to fault his mother for keeping him from Duke. Griffin says he’s not even sure if Duke would have wanted him. Anna says he would have, that he was a wonderful step-father. She tells him they tried to have their own child, but she lost it. and she was always sorry he didn’t have a child of his own. She says she’d like to give him a window for how Duke would have treated him.

Alexis wants press coverage of the hearing and Julian says he’ll provide it. She says they’re going to have every nursing mother within a 20 mile radius there. Julian hopes the mayor doesn’t have a heart attack.

Ava continues to talk to Kiki, saying she wishes she knew how to help. Kiki says “Morgan” again. Bleh.

Morgan says all he does it hurt people and even if he gets better, there’s nothing he can do for Kiki. Sonny’s phone rings and it’s Ava. She asks if he’s with Morgan. Ava tells Sonny that Kiki is showing signs of waking up and she’s asking for Morgan. She asks if Morgan can talk to Kiki. She thinks it might help.

Laura says Helena loved games and wonders if she’s hidden something in plain site.

Hayden says that Nicholas didn’t end up with nothing; he still has the lovely portrait. Nicholas says don’t remind him. Hayden says let’s go upstairs

Curtis says maybe he and Valerie can have a second date if Jordan hasn’t scared her off.

Anna tells Griffin that Duke lives on in his son, a doctor and a man who saves lives. She says Duke would have been enormously proud of him.

Sonny tells Morgan if he wants to help Kiki, now’s the time. Morgan gets on the phone and Ava puts it by Kiki’s ear. She says his name again. He asks if it’s her and she wakes up. She asks if he’s okay and he says now that he can hear her voice, he’s good. He promises to come see her soon.

On the phone, Julian tells the saboteur that it’s done and it’s exactly what he wanted.

Tomorrow, the new Crimson issue is released, Alexis grills Molly about Kristina and Sonny grills Kristina about herself.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Yolanda is getting ready to make a speech at a Lyme’s disease event and calls husband David because she’s stuck about what to say. He pretends to be supportive. She’s also inviting all the ladies to the event in NYC.

Kathryn is getting a new device to help her hearing. She’s very excited, but my question is, do you really want to hear all this crap? She might be sorry as soon as she goes to the next dinner party. She says until you lose one, you don’t realize how much you rely on your senses. Truth! She also realizes she’s probably been hollering at people for some time now.

Being a cancer survivor, Camille is having an event to end women’s cancer at her home. I love Camille and think she really got the shaft from that jerk she was married to who shall remain nameless. Kelsey Grammer. Camille is also selling some jewelry for the cause and Kyle says sometimes the only way to get people to donate is to shop. And they do.

Yolanda has a new short haircut, but I don’t remember her hair not being short. LisaR is uncomfortable about seeing her again. She’s going to be working and won’t be able to come to Yolanda’s event. She says she never knows what she’s going to get with Yolanda and doesn’t really trust her. I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I think Yolanda lacks understanding about quite a bit for someone so well-traveled.

Yolanda says she’s almost become psychic in the past year and LisaR’s energy has hit her weird. Okay. She gives Lisa a hug. Lisa says she saw the Instagram of Yolanda, Kim and Brandy the same day Yolanda was supposed to go to Erika’s party. Yolanda says she only has so much energy, and she’s known the other girls longer. She says they’ve supported her more than the rest of them put together. Really? I find that hard to believe.

LisaR wants to talk it out, but Yolanda says they’ve already done that. Lisa says the picture made her angry. Yolanda says someone else posted the picture in the first place. Eileen thinks she’s missing the point and says it’s not about the picture. Lisa says it gave her a trust issue and Yolanda says she has a trust issue with Lisa and trust is earned over time. Lisa says she just doesn’t understand the choice. Erika interjects that it was okay with her. Lisa says she’s in a lose-lose situation. Yolanda says it’s really between her and Erika and none of Lisa’s business, which I have to agree with. Lisa says you can get away with anything when you’re sick, and I also have to agree that there are people who do that. Everyone decides it’s a work in progress. Yolanda is tired and leaves. Lisa feels that something isn’t quite honest.

Kathryn visits LisaV, who greets her at the door with new pup Schnookie. Ken joins them. Giggy! Lisa tells her about the dog meat festival in Yulan and comes to tears talking about it. She and Ken have organized a march to protest. I’m so with her on this, having kept up with the issue myself and signed online petitions. Kathryn says she’ll do what she can to help. Kathryn likes Lisa and has no clue what’s up with Erika.

Oooh! LisaV has those magenta highlights again in her individual interview.

The ladies meet for dinner at a gorgeous restaurant with tables outside and lanterns hanging from the trees. Mauricio gives a toast and thanks them for being involved in the Habitat for Humanity project.

Mauricio is just back from Dubai and Kyle wants to go on a girls trip there. It’s a 16-hour flight. Count me out. Eileen says she needs a day off and can’t go to the march. In her individual interview, she says it’s awkward because she knows LisaV knows what she said about her being manipulative. She brings up the topic and Lisa asks exactly what she means by that. LisaR says it’s not manipulation but taking someone in a direction. LisaV says LisaR often has a delayed reaction to things, which is true.

LisaR says that LisaV texted her about Yolanda’s bi-polar comment, wondering why she wasn’t upset by it. Kyle says LisaR tends to be a follower and LisaV is more like a leader. LisaR says she prefers to think of herself as a people pleaser. Kathryn says she’s turning her hearing aid down. Told you.

It’s time for the Yulan march. Giggy! LisaV isn’t interested in anything negative today and refuses to discuss any of the dinner stuff. She and Kyle make jokes about Lisa’s manipulative ways. Lisa says look at all the people she manipulated into marching. At first, the march goes in the wrong direction and they end up picketing a church instead of the embassy or whatever. Oops. Kyle is like, we’re yelling at the wrong people. They finally get to their destination and afterwards, Lisa invites everyone to PUMP for a drink.

StopYulanForever.org

Yolanda invited Brandi and Kim on the NYC trip. Too bad they can’t make it…not. Neither can the two Lisas. Kyle talks about Dubai again and invites the ladies. Yolanda thinks it would wear her out too much though.

LisaR and Eileen are luggage shopping. Eileen has trepidation about the Dubai trip. Eileen talks about LisaR feeling more secure around her when they’re alone, but not so much when LisaV is around. She talks about Kyle and LisaV deflecting the subject to LisaR being a follower. Lisa looks up scapegoat. LisaR says, so she got pissed about something, big f-ing deal. Eileen says she’d better watch herself in Dubai since you can get arrested for cursing. I’m definitely out.

The ladies discuss the altercation between Eileen and LsaV. Kathryn thinks it’s cultural; Erika thinks it’s a personality clash and that Lisa doesn’t think she has anything to apologize for. She did apologize anyway though, so I don’t get why it can’t be dropped already.

The girls go to a cocktail party at The Jewel Suite. It’s a suite decorated in jewels by some famous designer. Um…I’m not that impressed, since it kind of looks like a jewelry museum and not a place I’d want to stay in. Yolanda plays Frere Jacques on the piano. Erika says she’s not allowed to buy jewelry because that’s her husband’s department. If she sees something she likes, she sends a picture of it to his secretary to show him when he’s in a good mood. What?

They go outside and the view is phenomenal. David pretends to be a good husband, saying how glad he is Yolanda is out and blah-blah-blah who cares. Yolanda toasts everyone who took time out to come and teach her the true meaning of friendship. She thanks her husband for actions speaking louder than words. Just wait. He says they’re going to make lemonade out of lemons and I throw up.

Tom and David talk, and David sounds a little less optimistic.

Next week, a red carpet is walked, Yolanda makes her speech, the Dubai trip happens, Brandi makes an appearance and Yolanda gossips to her about LisaR (showing the rest of us how she practices what she preaches).
If Loving You Is Wrong

Alex’s mother wants to see the baby and Brad is all for that. Her mother takes a peek, and Brad calls Alex’s father over. Her mother says Rusty is watching the game and doesn’t need to see the baby. Brad keeps insisting because he’s such a d-bag. Alex and her mother take the baby upstairs.

I don’t know what game Rusty is watching, but it doesn’t look like any game I’ve ever seen, since they’re only showing the bleachers.

Alex’s mother asks what’s going on. Brad tells her about Alex having an affair with Randal. He tells her about the “It’s A Boy” sign. Alex’s mother asks her if she had a baby with the “colored man” next door. Brad tells her to answer and her mother tells him to shut up. Ha-ha! Alex finally says yes. Her mother suggests Randal must have raped her, but Alex says no. Her mother asks how it happened then. She doesn’t know? Geez, they are sheltered.

Brad chimes in with blah-blah-blah about what Alex did. Her mother says she needs to get rid of the baby by leaving him at the hospital. She says if her father sees the baby, he’ll die. Wouldn’t that be a plus? Alex tells her that there’s only one person who raped her and he wasn’t an African American. She says her father raped her from the time she was six until she went to college and her mother knew. Her mother says Alex is no better than she is. She tries to get to the baby and slaps Alex, giving her a bloody nose. Brad steps in and she slaps him too. He asks if that made her feel good. She says Alex’s father had bad experiences, including his father being killed by a “colored man.” I guess this excuses him being a rapist. She says they’re getting out of there before her father kills everyone in sight .

Man, I would just clean out the bank account and move as far away as possible. These people are all nuts.

Alex sneaks out the side door with the baby.

Pete is wounded and trying to call for help. The radio doesn’t work so he uses his cell phone to call 911. Claudette has Esperanza take it, but the call gets cut off. Esperanza tells Stephen that Pete’s been shot. Eddie calls Ben, and tells him to get Pete’s phone. Stephen pretends to be calling Pete on the radio. I hate everyone in this show tonight.

Eddie tells Ben to make sure Pete is dead. He tells him look out for cameras, since everyone takes videos of everyone. He says to call back when Pete takes his last breath.

Ben tells Pete help is coming and takes his phone. Pete tells him that Eddie is going to kill him too, and asks why he did this. Ben says an ambulance is coming, but Pete doesn’t believe him. He should conserve his energy and play dead. Ben struggles for a second and calls for an ambulance Good boy!

Lushion comes over to Natalie’s house. He asks if Eddie tazed her in front of the kids. she says yes and he ought to know since he’s out riding dirty with him. She gives him a paper with his old boss’s phone number in Virginia. She tells him the boss would have him back in a heartbeat and that he should go. She says Eddie is no good and Lushion needs to get away from him. Lushion says if she doesn’t want him around, he’ll leave. He already moved out of his old place, but he’ll find another one. He says it almost kills her to tell him “I love you.” He’s pissed at her going behind his back to call his old boss. She says she doesn’t trust him. The old boss said he left four years ago and she wonders what he’s been doing all that time and why he has so much money. Lushion asks if Natalie loves him. She says she does and she couldn’t take something happening to him. He tells her to let him take care of things, but he can’t let her know what’s going on. She says until he can, she doesn’t want to see him.

He tells her Eddie will never bother her again. She says she doesn’t know what’s going on with him and she’s done. Lushion leaves. Natalie is being an idiot. He’s the only decent man on this show.

Ah-ha, Eddie! Everyone is running around the station and Esperanza tells him to go away. Claudia asks how bad Pete is, and Esperanza says they don’t know yet. She tells Claudia they still have a job to do, and take a break to calm down. Claudia kinda likes Pete.

Randal shows up at the hospital and the nurse calls for security. The a-hole janitor tells Randall that Alex has been discharged because it’s really men who can’t keep their mouths shut.

Marcie gets home from work. The stupid sign is still on their lawn. Randal’s mom comes downstairs. Marcie says she found a place, but she won’t need Louise’s money. She’s found a roommate — Brad. She says he has nowhere to go either. Louise says she can’t do that and that Randal is sorry. Marcie says she knows Randal and he’s not sorry. She tells Marcie it’s not a good idea. It’s easy to get over someone when you can slip under someone.

Marcie gets a call. She says something about a store. Randal is trying to charge something on her card and she tells them put it through. He’s charging $3800 in baby clothes. She says again he’s not sorry and she’s done. Louise says she’ll talk to him, but Marcie says there’s no need.

Kelly calls Ramses. She asks if he’s thought of a price for his mom’s house. Kelly thinks she might have a buyer. She asks if he’ll be around later. When she hangs up with him, she calls Natalie. She tells Natalie she found a house for her and explains about Ramses’s mom passing away. Natalie says she can’t afford it, but Kelly says she and Lushion have already been approved. Natalie says she and Lushion aren’t together anymore, but she doesn’t want to talk about it right now. Kelly says she’s coming over. Natalie says she has to go out and will call her when she gets back.

Marcie starts to pack. Brad discovers Alex and the baby gone. Marcie calls to tell him about the apartment. He asks her how she got done with her anger and she says she just got tired. He says he thinks he went too far and tells her about Alex’s parents. He tells her about Alex’s father having raped her and how he found out. He asks why he’d want to defend her. Well, that’s a stupid question. I would hope anyone would defend any woman who was raped at six-years-old. Marcie says he still loves Alex and she still loves Randal. Brad says he wants off the emotional roller coaster and she says that’s why she’s leaving. She tells him about the baby clothes Randal charged. She says she’ll let him know when she gets the key to the new place. I dunno. Unless Randal turns out to have a brain tumor, I don’t really think Randal should be with anyone except a therapist.

Brad looks for Alex. He sees Ramses mowing the lawn and asks if he’s seen her. That’s a no.

Alex’s mother suggests they go home. Her father says he’s too tired to drive back and didn’t they come all this way to see the baby? Her mother says Alex is lying down and brings Rusty another beer. Hopefully laced with arsenic.

Brad goes to Randal’s house, but Louise says Alex isn’t there. He goes in the back to the infamous shed. Not there either. Louise tells him to get off the property. Ha-ha! He kicks the sign down. I had the feeling he was going to do that.

What is this game Alex’s father is watching that only shows the fans in the bleachers? He goes upstairs and Alex’s mother says she’s gone. She says Rusty doesn’t want to leave, but Brad says he’s got to go. She says he wants to see the baby and Brad says he’s never going to be around his children again. By the time his other kids get home, they’d better be gone or he’s going to throw their asses out. Alex’s mother says he invited them and they’re staying. Brad says we’ll see about that.

Randal gets home with all the baby stuff and puts the sign back up. He is so insane. As he’s unloading the bags, he does a little dance. He goes inside and his mom is waiting for him. He asks if she isn’t happy to be a grandmother and she tells him he’d better take all the stuff back to the store. She tells him he’s out of his mind. Thank you. He says he’s never been so happy. She says Marcie is miserable. He says he loves her and he loves Alex too. Yeah, he’s such a catch. Louise says if he goes over to Alex’s, Brad will kill him. He says he’ll go over when Brad’s at work. I say go now while Brad and Alex’s parents are there.

Next week, some new characters are introduced, Esperanza tells Eddie off and Randal is still crazy.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Warlock shows up in Candace’s apartment like he’s a real warlock. He cracks her one and asks what the hell is wrong with her. She says she’s trying to get his money. He says she told Benny not to go into business with him. She says she doesn’t want Benny to get hurt. War says her deadline moved up.

There’s a knock at the door. Candace yells come in and it’s Erica. She introduces them and Erica says they need to hurry. War asks Candace to walk him to the door and he whispers that she has 48 hours.

When Candace comes back in, she can tell something’s wrong with Erica. Erica insists it’s nothing, but she’s shaking. Erica says he didn’t recognize her. She says Jasmine was her sister. She says Jasmine didn’t give him the $700 she owed him and Candace knows what can happen. Is she going to tell the rest of us?

Erica says War isn’t playing and he doesn’t care. Erica says she’d just moved there when he met her and he barely looked at her. She gives Candace the paperwork for the tow yard and house. Candace says she bought it for Benny. Erica says she bought it, she can mortgage it. Candace takes the paperwork. Erica breaths another sigh of relief that War didn’t recognize her and tells Candace to clean up.

Candace tells Erica her son is coming. Erica says this is a bad idea and what if War comes back? Candace says she hasn’t seen him in years. Erica says her own kids are better off without her and Candace’s son has managed fine so far. Candace won’t listen to reason.

David accuses Jim of putting a hit out on Veronica and tells him to call it off. Jim acts clueless and David asks for her address. Jim is like, you don’t know where your wife lives? David says if he doesn’t tell him, he’ll testify against Jim. Jim says a bunch of weird stuff and David tells him to quit playing games. Jim says it’s too late. David tells him to call it off and Jim acts stupid again.

David gets out his cell phone. He says he’s calling his wife and if he finds out Veronica is dead, he’s coming in there and killing Jim. Jim acts all snarky.

Candace talks to Lloyd at the bank. The paperwork looks good. Lloyd goes over a few things and she asks how long it will take to get the money. He says 30 days (shouldn’t Candace and Erica have known that?). She asks if they can do it in two days, but he says no. She says okay, but still wants to go ahead. When she leaves, Lloyd makes a call to the jail. He wants to see Jim.

Kathryn busts into the DA’s office. Jennifer says she can’t speak to Kathryn. Kathryn tells her to call Wyatt and if he doesn’t answer, it means something is wrong. Jennifer calls and there’s no answer. Jennifer asks if Kathryn did something to him, and Kathryn says no, Jennifer did. Kathryn asks her why she doesn’t have children, then runs down a list of possible reasons. She knows that Jennifer has eggs on ice, a specimen in a fertility clinic in Washington. Jennifer asks who she thinks she is. Kathryn says someone who will do anything for someone she loves — her son. She says Jennifer gave Wyatt his inheritance, and Jennifer says she gave a witness funds to protect himself.

Kathryn tells Jennifer keep telling yourself that. She says Wyatt has a substance abuse problem. Jennifer says he passed a drug test and Kathryn throws a box with the cleansing kit Wyatt used at Jennifer. She says that’s how he passed. Kathryn says go ahead and go after her and Jim, but now she gave Wyatt unlimited access to drugs and she should be dead for that. She says the name Kathryn Cryer will haunt Jennifer and any progeny she has forever. Kathryn says she’s not a nice woman and Jennifer says it’s a federal offense to threaten the DA. Kathryn asks Jennifer to let her make it more clear, “Bitch, I will have you murdered in the streets.” Yep. That’s crystal clear. Jennifer tells her to leave the office. Kathryn says if her son dies, no place in the world will be safe for Jennifer, her family, or her fertilized eggs. Then Kathryn tells her to try and have a nice day, since it might be her last.

Jennifer leaves a message for Wyatt to call her back right away. She makes a call for someone to track the phone stat. She doesn’t look too well. Ha-ha!

Hanna goes to Candace’s and Benny answers the door. She pushes him out of the way. The little girl’s grandfather is there, along with the lawyer. He tells Hanna that Benny and Candace want him and his daughter in on the lawsuit. Hanna tries to kick the lawyer out and Candace says it’s her house. The grandfather says maybe it’s best they leave.

Hanna tells Candace she isn’t fooling anybody, and Benny isn’t suing anybody. Benny says Wyatt hit him and asks how long Hanna knew. Hanna says Kathryn paid all his medical bills. Candace goads her by saying she knew all along. Benny says he was left in the street for dead and he should be payed for his pain and suffering. Hanna says he got out of the hospital and got a free house and tow yard. He says Candace paid for it. Hanna tells her to tell Benny where she got the money. Hanna says Candace blackmailed Jim out of $7 million and he already got his settlement. Candace says Jim gave her the money.

Hanna gets on her knees and begs Candace to let her raise Quincy Jr. She says he needs a stable home and she can give him that. He needs church and he needs God and he needs a place to heal and she can give him that. Candace say s she’s let him be raised by strangers in foster care before she’d let that happen and funny how Hanna is on her knees because that’s how the house was paid for. Hanna slaps her, and she slaps Hanna back. They go at it, but Benny steps in between them.

Hanna asks what date is because she’s marking it as the day she gave up. She says she went to God on her knees for Candace, and His word for her was to stop. She says she was up all night long because God had told her to no longer pray for her daughter. She says Candace will now know what it’s like when shes no longer covered in prayer. Candace asks who’s covering Hanna in prayer. Hanna says the blood of Jesus. Candace asks her where she’s living again. Hanna tells her to keep it up.

This show is so freaking intense, I almost don’t breathe through the whole thing. Does Tyler Perry write and direct all of these? Holy! When does he sleep?

David gets a call. It’s someone with Veronica’s address. He runs out of the jail.

Wyatt is unconscious. His hangers-on can’t rouse him, so they all leave. Nice.

Lloyd visits Jim, who says he’s livin’ the dream. Lloyd says he might find it interesting that Candace came into the bank looking for a loan and seems desperate. Jim asks how much she wants. Lloyd says $2 million in two days. Jim says she needs collateral and Lloyd says she has it. but he told her no. Jim says to give her the loan asap, but he wants Lloyd to hide a 15-day balloon payment in the fine print, and if she doesn’t pay, Lloyd is to foreclose on everything.

Social worker Aliyah goes to Candace’s house and hands her an envelope. She says all she could get was 55K. Candace says she should beat her ass again. Aliyah tells her that her son is still at the hospital and asks if she should tell them Candace is coming. Candace tells her to get out. Bye, Felicia! er…Aliyah!

Jeffrey meets Candace outside her place and sees his mother sitting in her car. Veronica’s phone rings and she asks Maggie to meet her at her place in 15 minutes. Then she calls the police and says she just saw someone break into her neighbor’s house, giving them her address. She gets out of the car, gathers up Jeffrey, and goes up to Candace.

Veronica asks to come in. Candace says no. Veronica says it’s about Quincy. They all go inside.

Commercial break. I’m not sure if it’s a new show or a TV movie, but it looks good. Greenleaf, coming in June, from the writer of Six Feet Under, one of my all time favorite shows.

Veronica asks how Candace is doing and she says better than Veronica’s hair. What is up with these hair comments? I think her hair looks fine. Quite stylish in fact. She talks to Candace about her place and asks is this is where Jeffrey lives. He says yes. Veronica says Melissa has been waiting for him to come back to the house. Jeffrey says he’s not coming back. Veronica says yes he is and they have a wedding to plan. Candace says shouldn’t she be worried about a trial? Veronica says no, but they look worried. She asks if Jeffrey is worried about testifying against her. He says no. Veronica splashes whatever is in her water bottle all around and says she has something to show Candace.

Veronica says she wants Melissa and Jeffrey to move in with her before the wedding. Jeffrey is like, yeah, okay, and Veronica says good by and leaves. Candace asks Jeffrey what the liquid is. Poison? He says she’s not that stupid and Candace tells him turn off the lights. All the blood lights up. Jeffrey asks how Veronica knows and Candace says she obviously does.

Jennifer gets a call that Wyatt has checked into the hotel. She tells them to check the room. Security knocks on the door and they find Wyatt unconscious. No, dead. Or at least with no pulse.

Veronica pulls up to her house. The gunman is inside at the ready. She goes up to the door, making us think for a moment that she forgot, but she just unlocks it. A police car drives up and she introduces herself. She says she thought someone was in her neighbor’s backyard. The officer says he checked it out, but no one was there. Maggie drives up and Veronica tells her to go right in and that she’ll be there in a minute. She’s actually licking her lips.

Maggie opens the door. The gunman shoots.

The end. For this season anyway.

Mar14

March 13, 2016 — Fairy Tales, Trans Tales & Wives Tales

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Hook is told by his cell mate, Meg, that he can’t escape. He says he’s not going to sit around and rot, and that someone is there to save him. Meg asks how he knows it isn’t a trick. He says when you love someone, you know. They both make a break for it. Meg gets out, but Hook is stopped by Cerebus, the three-headed dog. He tells Meg to find Emma.

Snow and David are wandering the graveyard. She says they were all her subjects and she was supposed to protect them. She wonders how they can protect their daughter, but David says she’s not alone this time.

Young Snow’s kingdom is being terrorized. She isn’t sure what to do, but Regina tells her that everything will be fine. Snow runs out of the palace and into the woods. She falls into a hole and a young man saves her. It’s Hercules.

Snow sees Herc’s grave and tells David that she and Hercules were friends when they were young. She says if he’s there, he has unfinished business and they have to help him move on. If they help him, he can help them.

Regina says there’s no sign of Hook in the North Woods. She sends Robin with Henry to get some maps from her office. Emma sees blood on a plant and she and Regina follow the trail. They find Meg who says she can take them to Hook. They hear the roar of Cerebus close behind.

Emma and Regina go to Snow and David’s underworld apartment. Meg tells them that Hook is in an underground cave. She tells them about Cerebus and how nothing can defeat him. Snow and David show up and Snow says she knows exactly how he can be defeated.

Young Herc tells Snow about his demi-godness. She wonders how she’s going to defeat the kingdom’s foes, and Herc says he’ll teach her. She doesn’t think she can do it, but Herc says he’ll show her how to stand up to her enemies. He shows her medals he’s won for various labors, kind of like Scout badges. His last labor is defeating Cerebus and he wants to spend as much time with her as possible before he has to leave.

Regina goes to the diner which is run by the witch from Hansel and Gretel. She tells them that Hercules comes in there on his lunch break. Apparently, he works on the docks, which is where Snow finds him.

Snow asks how Herc died, but he says it’s not important. He asks why she’s there and she says to help her daughter. Snow tells him there’s a way for him to leave the underworld. Herc says he never finished his final labor and Snow tells him Cerebus is there. She tells him what he once told her, that you can’t let fear of failure stop you from trying.

Hades pops in on Hook. He sees Hook has been bitten by Cerebus and tells him the dog’s master isn’t nearly as friendly.

Robin and Henry have difficulty getting into Regina’s office because Cora has it locked up. Henry goes through the ventilation system. Cruella is waiting for them and asks Henry how his mother has been since she killed Cruella.

Herc leads the others to where Hook is and tells them to wait.

Young Snow comes upon some of her subjects being shaken down. She threatens them with her bows and arrows, but ends up dropping the quiver and arrows go everywhere. Herc steps in, and the villains leave, but the head bandit says Herc can’t protect her forever.

Behind Snow’s back, Regina is meeting with the head bandit. She’s been working with them to defeat Snow, so that the people will realize she’s the only queen for them.

Herc meets Cerebus, drops his sword and runs. Where’s Kevin Sorbo when you need him? Kevin Sorbo wouldn’t have run. Snow is about to draw her bow, when Hades calls Cerebus off. Regina asks why hell looks like Storybrooke, but he won’t tell her. He does let her know that Cerebus killed Herc, who is also his nephew. He tells Snow the next time she interferes with his family, he’ll interfere with hers.

Emma says they have to find Hook. Hades shows her Hook’s bloody hook. She asks what Hades did to him, and Hades says she shouldn’t worry about what he’s done, but what he’s about to do. He disappears, poof! in a cloud of blue smoke.

Henry asks what Cruella wants. She says she wants his help. She wants to go back to the real world. She misses the music, the gin, the glamour and the gin. He says he destroyed the quill, and she says when he did that, he sent the quill to the underworld. She says if she comes back to life, his mother is no longer a murderer and can be restored to the pure soul she once was.

Snow is ready to throw in the towel. Regina says she was on the losing end of a battle with Snow and became her friend, which is pretty phenomenal. Regina says they don’t need Mary Margaret anymore. They need Snow White.

Young Snow is also feeling defeated. She tells Herc she doesn’t want to be Snow White anymore and she was crazy to think she could stand up to the bandits. Herc says no one wins every battle, especially their first one. He says his first labor nearly killed him, and he won by accident. He says if he’d never failed, he wouldn’t hae figured out how to succeed.

In Hades, Snow is trying to convince Herc to help them. She asks how Cerebus killed him and he says since Cerebus has three heads, he shouldn’t have fought him alone. Snow says he won’t be alone this time.

At the apartment, Cerebus comes crashing through the ceiling. Cool!

The bandits are at it again and Snow tells them to lay off and get lost. She draws the bow on them. At first the guy laughs, but her next arrow means business and it gets the subjects moving too. They pick up pitchforks and whatever else they can get their hands on, making me wonder why they didn’t do this before. The villains drop their weapons and leave. Herc says Snow doesn’t need him any more and she’s going to make an amazing queen. She says he’s not a bad demi-god himself. They kiss.

The Storybrooke gang splits up. Snow and Herc find Meg, but Cerebus is right behind them. They dash into the nearest building. Snow says they have to get all three heads at once and Herc gives Meg a dagger. Cerebus comes busting through the wall and they get each of the heads. Cerebus disappears, poof! in a cloud of black smoke.

Herc tells Meg he thinks they’ve met before. She says he’s the boy who tried to save her and Cerebus killed her after he killed Herc. He says he’s sorry and Meg says he made up for it just now. Snow says maybe Cerebus wasn’t Herc’s only unfinished business and that he was supposed to save Meg too. Snow says she doesn’t want to be Mary Margaret any more; she wants to be Snow White again.

Henry tells Robin he couldn’t find anything in the office.

Meg gives Emma a map to find Hook and says to thank him for her. Herc tells Snow he was right and that she became an amazing hero. He and Meg join hands and head for Olympus, as their unfinished business is now finished.

Hades is pretty pissed that Hook helped Meg escape. He gives Hook some kind of stick. He says Hook’s friends have caused too much damage. He says for every soul they free, one of them will have to stay and Hook has to decide who.

Next week, Gold and Hades do battle, and Hook has to make a decision.

The Walking Dead

Maggie and Carol are captured. A redhead, who we learn later is Paula, sees Rick and the gang through binoculars and tells them over the loudspeaker to lower their weapons. Rick says come out and let’s talk. She says they won’t come out but they’ll talk and tells Rick they have Carol and Maggie.

Rick says they have one of theirs and let’s trade. Rick says they can have their guy, Primo, back if they give up Carol and Maggie. The group argues among themselves. Paula says she’ll get back to him.

Maggie and Carol get coats throw over their heads and are shoved into a car. Paula is trying to contact other Saviors to meet them at some contact point. Maggie and Carol are taken to a “safe house,” where they’re bound and gagged. Paula tells them don’t even think about a way out. She says she’s itching to kill them, so just try and see what happens.

As soon as she’s gone, Maggie tries cutting her bonds on a concrete post. Carol seriously starts to freak out and hyper-ventilate. Paula comes back with an older lady and a wounded guy. They finally take the gags off of Carol and Maggie. Older Lady tells Carol to take some yoga breaths. Carol holds a rosary and Older Lady says, oh, you’re one of those. One of whats?

Paula asks Carol if she’s afraid to die. Carol says it doesn’t matter what happens to her, but don’t hurt Maggie and the baby. Paula tells Maggie it’s pretty stupid to get knocked up at a time like this. Paula says the point is to stay standing. Maggie says walkers do that and she’s doing something brave. Older Lady is having a cigarette, and Maggie says something about the baby. Older Lady says she has a lot worse problems than second hand smoke. Carol tells her cigarettes will kill her. Older Lady coughs up blood and says they already have.

Wounded Guy isn’t doing well. Paula says in 30 minutes the crew will be there. Maggie says he doesn’t have 30 minutes. He needs to lose the arm. She suggests they talk to Rick. Paula tells Wounded Guy 30 minutes. He gets all bent out of shape and wants to kill Carol and Maggie, or at least shoot Carol in the arm. Paula tells him to shut up. He goes after Carol and Maggie knocks him down and then head butts him. He gets up and starts kicking Carol, but Paula stops him. She tells one of the others to take Maggie out and see if she knows anything.

Some girl interrogates Maggie. She wants to know where Rick and the gang are holed up, and says Maggie’s people are not the good guys. Maggie throws up.

Carol thanks Paula for helping them. Carol says her husband used to beat her. Paula says she doesn’t care and she knows exactly who Carol is, pathetic. (Wouldn’t that be what Carol is?) She asks Carol if she really believes in that crap, referring to the rosary. Carol says faith got her through the death of her daughter.

Maggie asks Interrogator Girl what’s up with her missing finger. She says she got caught stealing. Maggie asks about her tattoo that says “Frankie.” She says it was her father’s name and it’s what she was going to name her baby. Maggie says she’s sorry and Interrogator Girl says probably not really. Maggie says she’s not planning on dying today and Interrogator Girl says neither is she, but one of them is wrong.

Paula radios Rick. He says they can make a trade, but she says they haven’t agreed. She says they’ll be taking most of the risk without much reward. Carol tells Paula they don’t have to fight. Paula says Carol’s people killed her people. Carol says the Saviors ambushed them and took everything they had. Paula says they shouldn’t have come to the camp to kill everyone. Carol says their leader is a nut. Older Lady says they’re all Negan. Carol asks what that means. I’d like to know too. Did they eat him?

Older Lady is chain-smoking and Carol asks her for one. Older Lady obliges. Paula tells Carol she’s weak and asks her what she’s afraid of. She says Carol can’t even stick to her own principles. Paula says before the apocalypse, she was a secretary. She tells some story about a carrot, egg, and coffee beans all being boiled. The carrot ends up soft, the egg gets hard, and the coffee beans changed the water. She worked in Washington when the military took over. The important people were evacuated first and she was stuck with her boss instead of her family. She says her boss was weak and stupid, and he was the first person she killed.

She says she’s still alive. Carol says her people are killers. She says Paula is the one who’s afraid to die, and she will. She asks whats’ going to happen if they don’t work things out. Paula asks if Carol is going to kill her and Carol says she hopes not.

Commercial break. Fear 462. A zombie gets a knitting needle to the head.

Paula radios Rick and says they’ll make a trade. She gives him a meeting spot. Paula thinks they’re waiting to kill them the second they come out the door. Carol says Rick is a man of his word and he wouldn’t put her and Maggie at risk. Paula radios her other people and says they have to be ready to move. They don’t take Carol or Maggie, so I guess they’re going to ambush Rick.

Carol gets free of her bonds using the rosary. She finds Maggie and gets her loose. They hug and I yell at them not to waste time. Maggie says they have to finish things. Maggie finds Wounded Guy, but it’s too late, he’s dead.

Older Lady is wandering around the halls and Wounded Now Dead Guy is now Undead Guy and attacks her. Maggie finishes her off from behind and beats the ever-living crap out of her. Paula comes back to everyone gone.

Maggie and Carol have to get past a bunch of zombies to get out. Paula comes up behind them and Carol draws her gun. Paula says go ahead since Rick and company have taken everything anyway. Maggie runs into Interrogator Girl in the hallway. They fight and Carol shoots her. Paula, who’s gotten shot in the leg, says she gets Carol’s deal now, but what was she so afraid of? Carol says she told her to run. She says she was afraid of this, meaning shooting Paula, but her hesitation costs her. Paula knocks the gun out of her hand and they tussle. Paula ends up getting impaled on a pipe and eaten by a zombie. She should have run when Carol told her to. Carol tells Rick to meet them.

The people Paula had radioed come back. Carol lights up some gasoline on the floor and they’re burned alive. Geez. Carol and Maggie walk past all the damage. Paula is now a zombie and Maggie kills her.

They open the door to Rick and the rest of their people. Rick tells Primo he might as well talk. Rick asks him how he got the bike. Primo says they found it. He says he’s Negan and Rick shoots him in the head. Geez. Is that it after such a big build-up or did the Primo/Negan guy lie? Carol clutches the rosary so hard, her hand starts to bleed.

Next week, Daryl plays with a toy soldier, Eugene meets a zombie and there’s lots more fighting.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Worst. Taglines. Ever. Except for Kandi. I’m thinking maybe they’ve run out of taglines, since none of the other cities are that great either this season.

Phaedra is planning a holiday party. She’s bouncing ideas off of Porsha and thinks she might do some clog dancing to entertain the guests. I’m speechless.

Kandi and Todd visit his mother’s grave. He says she was the life of the party and it’s sad that she won’t be there for the birth of her grandson. We flash back to some happy scenes with her. Kandi’s baby kicks like he’s saying hi to his grandma.

A story has hit the tabloids that the Feds were at their house looking for Apollo’s motorcycle. He apparently owes the government quite a bit. I’m sure Phaedra distanced herself and her money from that.

Porsha and Phaedra talk about the motorcycle. Porsha says she heard Cynthia and Peter have some of Apollo’s stuff too. Phaedra says she wouldn’t be surprised, since Apollo spent more time at the bar with Peter than he did with his kids.

Matt brings Kenya two Yorkie puppies. We flash back to Kenya’s dog, Velvet, who passed away last season. She names them Twirl and King. Kenya tells Matt she’s been invited to Phaedra’s holiday party. She says she grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness, so her family didn’t celebrate holidays. She says she doesn’t know if there’s going to be drama because it’s going around that Phaedra is the one who called the Feds abut the bike. Matt says at least Kenya isn’t involved. Kenya has to run interference between her shoes and the puppies.

Cynthia and her sister, Malorie, are moving furniture. Cynthia is setting up a massage table. Malorie leaves and Cynthia gets some ambiance going. When Peter comes home, she tells him she’s going to be his masseuse and that she’s booked a massage with a very happy ending for him. Too bad I can’t unhear that. Or unsee the rest of this scene.

Ha-ha! Cynthia’s daughter is supposed to be out with her dad, but she isn’t. Awkward.

Commercial break. I suddenly forgot which show I was watching.

Porsha, accompanied by sister Lauren, is at a fertility specialist. She’s not ready to have a baby right now (please don’t breed), but wants to make sure that when she is, everything is fine. She doesn’t even remember that she’s divorced or when her last period was. She says if she can’t carry a baby, Lauren can do it for her. Why not? She does everything else.

The doctor comes in. The doctor tells her that her fibroids are back. They’re small though, so the doctor says a pregnancy should be fine. Porsha asks about her biological clock, and the doctor says she had her own children at ages 38 and 42.

Dwight is setting things up at a spa for Phaedra’s party. Phaedra is also celebrating her divorce. It looks bright and festive, and I’m jealous of Dwight’s boutonniere brooch.

Ho-ho-ho! It’s party time. In reality crossover fashion, Miss Juicy from Little Women: Atlanta is one of the elves. Ayden is also dressed as an elf and will be giving out coal as needed. Sheree has brought Bob, who desperately wants to get back together. She says she’s open to it, but she’s not going to make it easy.

Porsha shows up with Shamea and they’re both barely dressed. Phaedra’s friend, Tammy, is there. Bob has told Sheree that he slept with Tammy, who claims they didn’t, so there’s some awkward tension when Tammy confronts Bob about it. Bob suddenly changes his tune and says they didn’t sleep together and he never said that they did.

Kenya shows up dressed like the Grinch, complete with green body paint. Bob tells Sheree not to hold him to who he used to be. They kiss sans mistletoe.

Peter asks Todd if Phaedra ever paid him back. Not quite, but he’s done with the whole thing. Nene sits next to Kandi, and we flash back to their personality clashes. Nene claims to be in a better place now. She says Kandi is usually making faces at her. Now that she mentions it, Kandi does make a lot of faces. Nene says they should press the restart button ion their friendship and Kandi agrees.

Kim thanks Phaedra for helping her through her first months on the show. She says if Phaedra ever needs her help with the boys, just ask. Nene brings up the Feds and Kandi says she’s keeping Phaedra at a distance until she can figure out where they’re at. The Feds went to Cynthia’s house as well, and Kenya suggests maybe Phaedra made the call. Cynthia says whenever anybody tried to help Apollo, they ended up in trouble. I’ve already forgotten what he looks like.

Phaedra joins the conversation and acts like she doesn’t know what’s up with the Feds thing, calling it crazy. The floor is cleared. Kim’s husband does a dance routine.

This was the finale, but the only interesting endings are that Kim will be Dancing with the Stars and Porsha will be on Celebrity Apprentice.

Next week, The Reunion, part one — Matt and Chris tangle and just about everyone else does too.

I Am Cait

All is quiet on the bus. Welcome to New Mexico. Cait says she put everyone to sleep with her political talk.

The bathroom ventilation isn’t working properly and everyone is complaining loudly. One of the ladies says it smells like a “cow barn.” The subject of the word “tranny” comes up and an informal poll is taken as to whether it’s offensive. Jenny does find it offensive, which is no surprise since she’s so easily offended. She compares it to the word “faggot.” She says someone once beat her and used that word while they were doing it. She says words can hurt as much as violence can, which is very true. Kate says it’s a word that was stolen from them, but when she uses it, it’s with love and compassion. Jenny says they look at things differently, but it’s asking a lot for her to look at it that way. Kate says Jenny can ask a lot of her as well. Kate says she identifies as a non-binary trans person. Jenny asks if they’re going to be having this conversation during the whole trip. Kate says she will be coming back to the subject.

Cait’s mother has won a support award from the LGBT community. A discussion about Donald Trump follows. While Cait isn’t a fan, she says he’d be good for a lot of issues, including women’s issues. When confronted with a Donald or Hilary question from Kate, Cait says she’d never vote for Hilary because she’s not going to address the economic issues. Candis is a huge Hilary supporter, but Cait brings up the overabundance of Hilary’s lies. Candis says Cait doesn’t discuss politics, she bombards you. Cait says just because she’s transitioned, doesn’t mean she suddenly became a liberal.

Candis tells Jenny she got in a screaming match with Cait about Hilary and removed herself from the conversation. Candis feels Cait was disrespectful and loud. Continuing the conversation with a few of the other ladies, Cait asks for one good thing Hilary has done. Zackery asks where the anger is coming from and doesn’t want to engage if Cait is going to yell. Zackery gives an example of a trans issue, but Cait says that’s good for them, but not America as a whole. Zackery feels that she keeps getting interrupted and doesn’t want to discuss it any further. Jenny says the bus has never felt this small. Zackery says Cait is “coming for” her, but I don’t see it that way. Frankly, I think that’s just part of Cait’s personality and they seem to be the ones bringing up politics. If you know this is the result, and you’re going to be offended, why start it?

The girls arrive in Santa Fe. Wendy, who is some kind of cruise director, says they’ll be seeing their rooms first and then going to dinner. Jenny says it’s like her worst nightmare, she’s having a conversation with Kate she doesn’t want to have and Cait is talking politics. They sit down to dinner and Jenny suggests joining hands before the meal.

To change the subject, Cait talks about getting a Woman of the Year award from Glamour magazine. She asks everyone what being a woman means to them. Jenny says one isn’t born a woman, but becomes one, and they all define womanhood on their own terms. Cait says she doesn’t know if she’ll ever figure it out. Zackery says sometimes your mind is ahead of your body or vice versa, and Cait hasn’t caught up to herself yet.

Kate says she didn’t come out until after her father died. She said if she had told him, he would have sat Shiva for his son. She recalls the conversation between her and each of her parents, ending with her mother eventually calling her Kate. Jenny says it’s impossible to hate anyone whose story you know and realizes that she needs to get back on track with Cait.

Commercial break. Family Therapy with Dr. Jenn (VH1) looks promising. Lindsay Lohan’s parents are cast members. Need I say more?

The girl are going horseback riding. Cait thinks it’s time to get off the bus for a while. One of the girls thinks it would be fun to play “Fluffy Bunny.” This involves putting marshmallows in your mouth and saying “fluffy bunny.” They don’t have marshmallows, so they use mini powdered donuts.

Chandi has never gone horseback riding and her first lesson is, don’t step in horse poop. The horse starts to go backward and I’m sure is sensing Chandi’s fear. Finally, she gets the horse going in the right direction. Jenny feels like Cait has been a bully and it needs to be addressed.

Back on the bus, there’s TMI about vibrators.

Back at the hotel, the girls toast to themselves. Kate talks about how she and Jenny talked, and though their approaches are at logger-heads, but their goals are the same and they really listened to one another. Kate confesses that she wanted to get a rise out of Cait by posing the Donald or Hilary question. She says she left the conversation because of Cait’s anger. Jenny says Kate isn’t the only one who was uncomfortable. Cait says she realizes she looks at the issues differently. Jenny says it isn’t about the issues and that Cait scared some of the women. Really? It must not take much.

Candis says she feels that Cait doesn’t listen sometimes. Cait agrees and says she can get excited when trying to prove a point. Jenny asks that Cait deal with them in gentleness and love. Cait admits to being aggressive when it comes to politics and it’s the feminine side she has to work on. Zackery says there’s been too much in-fighting in their own community and they have to set an example. Cait apologizes to Candis

The ladies are meeting with the mayor. They recently passed an ordinance regarding gender neutrality with single seat public bathrooms. I’m all for that. If I have to go, I don’t want to wait if a bathroom is empty just because it says men on it. Although Cait was supposed to change the signage, because Kate has had such grief over bathroom issues, she asks Kate to do it instead. Kate says she feels included and respected.

Next week, Candis has a date, Candis gets stood up (maybe) and Cait changes her driver’s license

The Real Housewives of Potomac

Isn’t this show over yet? Nope. Not yet. And what does Gizelle mean by she’s the word on the street? More idiotic taglines. It makes it sound like she’s a hooker.

Charrisse is doing a “sister circle,” a bonding experience for the ladies. Robyn shares about a best friend she and her ex-husband had who stole their money. She says they fell into a ponzi scheme and lost almost everything. She says she doesn’t know who she can trust anymore. Ashley feels guilty for discussing Robyn’s bankruptcy with Katie, which she should. She has no business bringing that up to anyone.

Gizelle asks Katie about her charity event. Katie says she has new host committee members. Ashley thinks there’s something deeper going on, but Katie says she doesn’t feel like going deep tonight. So Charrisse does it for her, bringing up the make-out session between Andrew and Katie at the party. Katie says she had a little too much to drink and already apologized. Gizelle asks if she was “on something.” Is Gizelle my grandmother?

Katie goes to lie down, telling Ashley she’s just tired. Yeah, tired of these shade throwing witches.

In the morning, Karen visits Ashley’s room to rehash the sister circle. She wasn’t thrilled with Gizelle sharing about her bathroom habits. You and me both, sista. Gizelle talks to Robyn about what she shared. Robyn says that the friend ripping them off was worse than their divorce. Karen tells Ashley she thought what Gizelle brought up about Katie was inappropriate.

Katie is talking to Charrisse and that hanger on whose name I keep missing. Charrisse says that it seemed like Gizelle attacked Katie. Gizelle, who has batlike radar, joins them. Charrisse tells her that Katie felt attacked and that isn’t what the sister circle is about. Katie tells her she didn’t bring up Gizelle’s sex life or something else inappropriate, and she thought Gizelle got too personal.

Hanger on, whose name is Brynel, visits Katie in her room. Katie says she’s spent and she thinks anything that Gizelle brings up is bs. Brynel tells Katie she needs to call Gizelle out and tell her she doesn’t do phony. Karen joins them. Karen says Katie has to stop Gizelle in her tracks or she’ll end up being Gizelle’s whipping boy.

The girls take a field trip to an old time photo place that has Old West costumes. They get a group photo taken. Katie tells Gizelle she was disrespectful. She says she’s not a little girl and she won’t be treated as one. Katie says Gizelle disparaged her character and she won’t have it. She says if Gizelle has any problem with her, she should come to her directly. Gizelle is probably steaming, but she apologizes. In her individual interview, Katie says she’s surprised Gizelle apologized, but then again, she’s a big phony.

Ashley is taking the girls to a drag show that she and Michael always enjoy when they vacation there. First, they have dinner outside at a restaurant with an awesome view. Karen asks Katie how she’s getting Andrew down the aisle. She says she thinks he’s ready, but he wants to surprise her. Karen thinks Andrew should put a ring on it already. They talk about prenups and finances. In her individual interview, Gizelle throws shade at Katie and white people in general.

Robyn asks how Katie would do it differently in this relationship, since she’s been married before. She says she rushed into the first marriage because she’d just turned 30 and felt pressured.

Big phony Gizelle, compliments Ashley on her hostessing skills, even though she was the one Googling hotels in the beginning. Everyone flatters Ashley and she says she feels like the casting results for the school play were just posted and she got the lead. Ashley says all in all, she thinks she did a good job and she wants to go out with a bang.

No gay bar is complete without a disco ball, and there it is. The girls get to dancing and even Karen pats a butt or two. This looks like a fun place. The drag show starts and Michael shows up. Karen gets pissed immediately because it’s supposed to be a girls weekend. She tells Ashley they’re not comfortable with a man sleeping at the house with them. The ladies are leaving and Ashley says that she’s staying a while and she’ll see them later.

Karen says Ashley should respect her feelings. She says Ray wouldn’t appreciate it and he wouldn’t be comfortable with another man in the house. Ashley says she didn’t plan this and Michael surprised her. They suggest Michael stay in a hotel. Katie and Charrisse are the only ones not getting stupid. I’m sure this poor guy thought he was doing a good thing and no good deed goes unpunished.

Robyn understands both sides, but thinks Ashley should have told Michael she’s with the girls this weekend. Charrisse thinks everyone is being ridiculous. When they get back, they have a mini discussion about Michael’s disrespect. Ashley and Michael come back. Ashley says they’re still her guests, but it’s Michael’s home too, and he’s not going to get in their space. Michael says he doesn’t even understand the drama.

Charrisse says the overall concern is how Ashley handled it. Karen says Ashley telling her she didn’t care if Karen was uncomfortable isn’t right. She says she’s done and goes to bed. Michael tries to make jokes, but Gizelle acts like he might attack them in their sleep or something. Robyn thinks Gizelle and Karen should let it go and move on.

Robyn and Charrisse stay up half the night playing beer pong with Brynel, Ashley and Michael. Karen says all her efforts were in vain and the way Ashley has handled things is very disappointing. Off with her head!

Next time, Andrew brings home balloons and I notice we have the same exact throw pillow with a buffalo on it, Ray calls out Michael, and Karen is done with Ashley.

Mar9

March 8, 2016 — GH, Haves, Nots & Wives

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Lulu and Dante are all lovey-dovey, with hearts popping out of their eyes and bluebirds flying around with ribbons in their mouths.

Anna talks to Robert about the Carrrlos trail being cold. While someone sneaks around her place, Paul rings the bell. He tells her they have a lot to discuss. She tells him she’s had the feeling that someone has been following her. That’s because someone has been. Carrrlos, maybe?

Jordan calls Andre. She has an ark to go with his Indiana Jones hat. He invites her over to the bar, but she has her hands full with work and asks for a rain check.

Elizabeth interrupts Nicholas’s perusal of The Great Gatsby. She says she knows the look on his face and he’s doomed.

Hayden wonders why Baxter is in Port Charles. I’d be wondering what he’s doing at the MetroCourt with Sam. He and Sam talk phony finances. Curtis runs into Hayden in the hallway and she blows him off and gets out of there. Sam says she has a family emergency and has to go. Baxter tells her to settle the tab because he’s a real d-bag.

Sam makes a call to the first number on Baxter’s contact list. When she says she’s a friend of Rachel’s, they hang up.

Curtis follows Hayden to the bar. He wonders why she looks shaken. He thinks she ran into someone she knew who she didn’t want to see.

Paul asks if Robert has made any progress in finding Carrrlos. Anna says Robert followed the trail to London and then, nothing. She says Carrrlos might be using it as a jumping off point and to establish new identities for him and Sabrrrina. Paul says they can now work openly and honestly with each other, and says his admiration for her grows each day. Anna isn’t having any, and says she wouldn’t trust Paul as far as she could throw him.

Dante says he wants to rebuild the relationship and stay together for the rest of their lives. Lulu says they can’t rush things and forget what happened. They need to stop blaming and start forgiving. Hmm… They start making out and it looks like they’re rushing something here.

Andre shows up at Jordan’s office with some food. He says the way things have been going, this might be their last meal together.

Anna says her view of Paul hasn’t changed. She says the only reason they’re still talking is that she needs him to capture Carrrlos. She says it doesn’t end until Julian is in a prison cell, and if they end up there too, so be it. He asks what if there’s another way?

Curtis tries to get Hayden to tell him what’s going on, but she says everything is fine. She was only shocked to see someone from another life. He says the past has a way of catching up. He asks if she’s in trouble.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth he’s happy with Hayden. Elizabeth says if he’s happy, she’s happy, like I believe it. She thanks him for his hospitality and tells him if it gets to be too much with the kids, to let her know. When she leaves, Nicholas gets a call from Sam.

Sam says Baxter pretended not to know Hayden. She tells him about calling the number he excused himself to call and how they hung up after she said she was a friend of Rachel’s. She says by the time she called back again, the number was disconnected. Um… I don’t think that can be done that fast, so let me pretend it was a throwaway cell number. Nicholas tells her to forget everything and drop the case.

For not rushing things, Dante and Lulu are getting pretty busy. Lulu suddenly puts on the brakes. She tells Dante she thought things had changed for her, but they haven’t.

Paul wants to give Carrrlos immunity in order to nail Julian. He says life isn’t always neat and tidy, and sometimes you have to make a mess to make things better, sounding a little like Edward Albee.

Hayden tells Curtis she’s not in trouble. He says she left the MetroCourt like someone was chasing her, and just downed two stiff drinks. He says he’s concerned about her and wants to help her free of charge. He asks if her husband knows about the past she’s running from.

Sam is shocked that Nicholas wants to close the book on Hayden. She says she knows Baxter is lying. She says what if Hayden’s in trouble and needs him to protect her. Nice try. Nicholas says thanks for the help, but we’re done. He hangs up and eavesdropper Elizabeth is standing there. Geez, if you can’t be alone at Windemere, where can you be alone?

Dante says he gets it. Lulu says she doesn’t want to beat up on him and knows he’s sorry. He says they should get rid of the bed and then the loft. He suggests they get a house with a swing set and herb garden. Lulu says if they’re moving forward, they have to be honest and she doesn’t want an herb garden. He says he wants them to have a king size bed that they pick out together. She says they’re not done healing and that they just got divorced. She says she’s not sure they can put things back together on their own; they need help

Andre talks about Morgan. Jordan says their lives are going to intersect that way. He says last time they met, she accused him of trying to analyze her and he was just trying to get to know her. She apologizes for over-reacting. She says her history with Curtis is difficult to talk about. Andre says it’s her call if and when she wants to talk about it. She says she did something she regrets and Curtis tried to intervene, but destroyed people’s lives instead. I’m definitely intrigued.

Sam bumps into Hayden. She asks if Hayden is meeting Nicholas. Hayden says she had a business meeting, but missed it. She asks why Sam is there and all dressed up, since usually biker chick fashion is her thing. Sam says she was just out for a drink, but this place isn’t her speed.

Elizabeth says it’s clear that Nicholas doesn’t trust Hayden. He says that friendship has it’s limits and she’s over-stepping her bounds. He says she heard him tell Sam forget about it. Elizabeth asks why he married Hayden if he doesn’t trust her.

Anna says Paul is assuming Carrrlos has kept his mouth shut, and what about Sabrrrina. Paul says she’ll want to protect he father of her baby. He says sooner or later, Carrrlos is going to need help. Anna says the only person they could reach out to is Paul. She asks if he funded the trip to London and takes his silence as an answer. She says when they run out of money, they’ll have to call Paul. She says when they do, she’d better be the first call he makes afterward. She says he’d better not play her and he says he takes both business and pleasure very seriously.

Jordan and Andre make plans for another date. Andre says he’d like it to be outside of her office and suggests going dancing. He leaves and Jordan is all smiley. Oops, he forgot his hat. Someone’s at the door, but it’s Curtis. Didn’t they pass each other?

Elizabeth says she doesn’t want Nicholas to get hurt the way he did with Britt. She says he’s paying someone to find out why he doesn’t trust her. She says he should get out before it’s too late and show Hayden the door. Oops! Hayden is there and says that she wants to talk to her husband. Elizabeth makes an exit and Hayden asks if it’s true that Nicholas is having her investigated. He says it’s true, but he called it off. She asks if it’s because of what he found out, and he says no, it’s because of what he didn’t, making perfect sense…not.

Lulu says they need an objective third person and they need to stop talking to the people they know and not talking to each other. Dante is on board with that, and says what they’re doing feels right. She says it will feel more right later and she’s leaving before she changes her mind. Before she leaves, she tells him if he burned the bed, she won’t lose any sleep.

Anna tells Paul if Carrrlos contacts him, she wants to be the first to know. Paul says when he contacts Paul, he’ll call her. That was fast. Paul gets a call from Carrrlos as soon as he’s on the porch.

Curtis is pissed because Jordan told people that he’s a drug addict and he’s been clean for years. If she wants him to stay out of her business, she’d better stay out of his. He says she’s got a lot to be concerned about with her past and she needs to keep her mouth shut and so will he.

Nicholas says he knows there’s more to the Rachel story than Hayden has told him, but he doesn’t care. All he knows is that they love each other. He says maybe one day she ‘ll tell him the rest of the story. He says he felt sick when he realized he was prying into a past that had nothing to do with him. He says all that matters is today and that they’re happy. He told Sam to drop it and that she told him nothing because there’s nothing to tell. She thanks him and he thanks her for not getting angry. She says she’s not thrilled about Elizabeth, and he says he’ll make sure she understands the situation and stays out of Hayden’s way. He tells Hayden she’s his priority and I want to marry him.

Elizabeth meets Sam. Elizabeth says she overheard Nicholas and Sam talking, and heard Nicholas telling her to drop the investigation. Sam tells her to discuss it with Nicholas. Elizabeth says Sam should keep investigating for Spencer’s sake and that even if Sam thinks Nicholas deserves it, Spencer will be the one who ends up with the biggest broken heart. She says if that matters to Sam, she should continue.

Tomorrow, Carly doens’t want Jason working for Sonny, Tracy goes to the crypt, and Felix tells Michael that Sabrrrina really loves him.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Jeffrey tells Justin it’s very freeing to come out and asks if he’s like a kiss. Candace comes home and Justin tells her she had a break-in. He asks if she knows Quita. She says yes and Jeffrey says she forgot to give Quita the key. Not much Justin can say at this point, so he leaves.

After he’s gone, Candace asks Jeffrey why Justin’s zipper was unzipped. Jeffrey tells Candace that Quita was looking for Quincy and asks what she did with him. She says she took care of it. He asks for his keys and she says she doesn’t know where they are. She asks again about Justin’s pants.

Jeffrey tells Candace he can track his keys on a phone and she gives him hers. Erica comes by and asks who Jeffrey is .Candace introduces him and says he’s not on their team. Jeffrey says the phone says the keys are there. He goes to look.

Erica asks Candace if she told Benny about the mortgage. Candace says no and Erica says she’s running out of time and Warlock is serious. Jeffrey comes back and says his keys are in the backyard under the dirt. Candace tells him no. Erica wonders why the keys would be there.

Jeffrey starts to dig and Candace stops him. She tells Erica she’ll talk to her later. When Erica leaves, Candace tells the suddenly clueless Jeffrey to give her the phone. She calls War and he says he put the keys with “the package.” She tells Jeffrey to call a locksmith because his keys are gone. She has to repeat herself and finally tells him they’re with Quincy. Jeffrey freaks that she buried Quincy in the backyard. She says it’s not like Jeffrey was helping, which is so true.

Jeffrey tells her what happened with Justin and that he thinks Justin is suspicious. Candace says they can use this. She tells Jeffrey to play Justin and find out what he knows. Jeffrey says Quita told him the neighbor said three men went in, but only two went out. Candace says they can’t move the body because cameras are trained on the house. Jeffrey says Justin put a gun to his head and Candace is like, welcome to my life. Jeffrey says Justin is crazy and Candace tells Jeffrey to be crazy. She tells Jeffrey to call a locksmith and says she has to speak to Benny.

Hanna is rifling through cupboards and cushions at the Cryer house. Is she looking for change? She pulls out every dollar from every pocket, change purse and whatever else she can find.

Wyatt is partying and when some guy tells him to slow down, he tosses him out. The hotel room is full of lowlifes sharing the wealth and there’s a huge plate of cocaine on the table.

Quita gets sprung and meets Veronica in her car outside. Quita says there’s a hit out on Veronica, and one of their boys is at her house right now. She says he has orders to shoot whoever comes in first. Veronica asks why she’s telling her this. Quita says she needs Veronica’s help to find Quincy. She tells Veronica about what she found at Candace’s and that Jeffrey was driving Quincy’s car. She says she knows Candace and Jeffrey must have done something to Quincy. Veronica tells her to calm down and go home and she’ll call her later.

David comes to the jail and asks when Veronica was processed. The guard says she left a half hour ago. He tries to visit Jim, but that’s a no since he’s not authorized.

Kathryn meets with Lloyd and finds out about the $12 million that Wyatt was given. He says he tried to call her. He also tells her about the $7 million Jim moved to the “Candy Cane Company” that was allocated for taxes and that they have to pay the bill. She tells him to move the money. He also tells her that Jim’s lawyer thinks they should move a bunch of money out in case of a lawsuit.

When Kathryn gets home, Hanna comes out and tells her she went through everything and came up with 900 dollars and she’ll expect the rest of her pay on the first of the month. Kathryn gives her whatever from her pocketbook. Hanna says she just wants what’s owed her. Kathryn says no one, not even her mother, has cared for her like Hanna has and if she walks out the door, Kathryn is lost.Hanna tells her she’s already lost. She asks what she can give Hanna and Hanna says she’s not for sale.

Kathryn says Hanna isn’t Candace and tells Hanna about the $7 million. She says she knows Candace must have been blackmailing Jim. She tells Hanna about Wyatt getting his trust fund and says she can’t bury another child. She begs Hanna not to leave. Hanna says she has to go. Kathryn asks if this is it and Hanna says she has to check on her grandson. She leaves, leaving Kathryn saying, please.

Mitch shows Jeffrey the paper with the picture of him and Veronica. Apparently his first concern is the age difference. He says that he pissed David off and now David is messing with their business. Mitch asks what David wants and David says details. Mitch tells him to spill, but Benny says that’s for Veronica to do. Candace comes in to talk to Benny.

Mitch leaves and Candace asks if Benny has seen War. Benny says he tried to get him to go into business with him, but it was a no. In the coincidence that is only soap opera world, War comes in. War gives Candace a hug and whispers not to try anything. He says he’ll call her later.

When he leaves, Candace tells Benny that he should stay away from War. She asks him what’s going on and how business is. He says good and she asks if he thought about the lawsuit. He says he has what he needs already. She says she spoke to someone who said he can get $10 million, but Benny says he wants to make his own money. He asks why it’s important to her and she says there’s something she needs to handle and she’s going to have to mortgage the the house and tow yard. Benny says no way. He asks what kind of problem she has. When she doesn’t want to say, he tells her to get out.

He says she’s lost her mind and asks if she’s in trouble. He says he’ll kill whoever it is. She says she’s not in trouble and he repeats who is it. She says it’s just a business opportunity that she’s going to miss. He tells her to never ask him again. She pretends she was kidding and asks if he’ll still meet with the lawyer. She says he won’t even have to go to court since they’ll probably settle. He says he’ll think about it.

The party at Wyatt’s hotel room continues. Now he’s shooting up. No good can possibly come from this.

Kathryn visits Jim in his cell. He tells her she looks good, and she says she’s not in the mood for a nice Jim right now, because that means he’s worried. She tells him about Lloyd and that Hanna quit. He says it’s the first step to a lawsuit. She tells him about Wyatt getting his inheritance. Jim asks where he is and she says she doesn’t know. He says to find Wyatt and rip DA Jennifer a new one.

Jennifer can’t find Wyatt either. David comes busting in and asks where Veronica is and if she left a home address. He manhandles Jennifer and says he needs to see Jim. She tells him to see Maggie. She says he has time for Maggie and not for her, since he’s the only man on earth. He asks her to please let him see Jim. She tells him five minutes and calls to give him allowance.

Candace and Benny visit a lawyer. He thinks it will be an easy case and settlement a good possibility. Candace says she’ll contact the grandfather of the little girl who was killed. The lawyer says she should be a lawyer. She says she’s in law school and he says if she can make this happen, he’ll offer her a position when she graduates.

Hanna is at the hospital to see Quincy Jr. The doctor says she can’t see him and she has to talk to child welfare. The social worker tells her that it’s been decided Quincy Jr. is better off with Candace since Hanna has no home for him. Hanna says Candace got to her. She says she did what’s best for her grandson. Hanna asks if she can see him before Candace gets him, but Aliyah says no.

Erica asks Candace what Benny said, and she says he lost it when she brought up the mortgage. Erica says she can forge the documents in an hour. Candace doesn’t want to do it, but Erica says this is War she’s dealing with. Candace makes a phone call, telling the grandfather about the pending lawsuit and asking if he would like to join them. She asks if he’ll meet her later at the house. Erica says she can pay the mortgage back as soon as they win the case. She says she’s going to work on the deeds and Candace doesn’t have a choice.

Veronica drives up to her house. She looks on the surveillance camera from her tablet and sees a guy hanging out inside. She calls Maggie and tells her thanks for planting the picture. She says she knew her marriage was over but didn’t have the guts to end it. She says she wants to talk to Maggie about some sensitive David issues and asks her to meet her at the house. Great move!

Next week, David visits Jim who says it’s too late, Hanna wants to see Candace, and Kathryn threatens to kill Jennifer..

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Erika is having a dinner party. Those always go so well. Yolanda calls. She’s having a bad day and Erika lets her off the hook to come.

LisaR and Kathryn are taking a limo together. Kathryn is anxious to meet Erika’s husband, Tom. Lisa says he’s super smart and has charisma up the kazoo. I think that’s gazoo, Lisa.

Erika doesn’t do cooking, so a fabulous meal is being prepared by chefs. She says she doesn’t tell Tom about the petty nonsense that goes on between the girls, so he’s clueless about what happened at Yolanda’s party. Eileen also can’t make it because she’s working. LisaV also has to leave early due to a charity event.

Kathryn bugs LisaR about not eating. For the love of all that’s holy, leave her alone. Ken is there, but the other husbands have work duties. Tom joins the group. He seems like a pretty cool guy.

They sit down to dinner. LisaV brings up Tom calling her a worthy opponent and he says she’s the only one he has in life. He says he decided to be a lawyer because of watching Perry Mason. LisaR talks about how kids come up to her husband and say LA Law inspired them.

Kathryn bugs LisaR about eating again. She claims she’s just joking and Lisa says she’s pushing it. She thinks Kathryn is being inappropriate and threatens to repeat her performance in Holland. LisaV suggest giving her a sippy cup and the mood lightens.

Erika says it’s slow process for her to show emotion. Kathryn asks if people have to prove themselves to her and gets a little animated. Tom gets involved in the conversation and in her individual interview, Erika says Kathryn doesn’t have to hit them over the head with her personality. Erika says closeness develops over time and Kathryn says to throw her a freakin’ bone. In her interview, LisaR says Kathryn is being loud and aggressive, and she’d like to muzzle her. Erika says she’s not cold, but cautious and LisaV says it comes across that way sometimes. Lisa says she has a problem of coming across controlling and brings up the web making comment.

Erika tells Kathryn thanks a lot, since she thought she was confiding in her. Kathryn says she was glad Erika opened up. Erika rolls her eyes and Kathryn tells her knock it off. Erika is like why are you telling at me in my own home? Kathryn says she’s losing the argument and Tom wonders if they do this all the time. Erika says they don’t have to like her and LisaR asks why Kathryn felt the need to repeat what Erika said. Kathryn says she wanted a reaction. LisaR says hallelujah for honesty. Erika says Kathryn put a wedge between her and LisaV’s potential friendship.

LisaV keeps interjecting things about the web comment. Tom says it’s both a positive and negative statement. Kathryn says maybe LisaV didn’t get the gist. Lisa says, oh now it’s my fault, joking around. She says she really has to jet, but it’s been real and she’d like to get to know Erika better. Tom says something about her having to leave, even though Bravo’s preview led us to belive he was asking Kathryn to leave. Actually, I wouldn’t blame him if he asked everyone to leave.

Erika is appalled at the whole thing and says it’s not what she wanted. Has she ever watched this show and seen how dinner parties end up? Hell, she was in the midst of one last week. She adds that she’d never come to someone’s home, meet their husband for the first time and act like an ass. So, she’d wait for the second time? LisaR says Kathryn doesn’t have malicious intent, but she likes to push buttons and she’s had enough now. Erika rates the dinner party as a negative 5 and says she’s never doing that again.

Commercial break. The Real Housewives of NYC starts on April 6.

Erika and Kyle are playing a game of tennis. Neither of them is very good and I identify. Kyle talks about how Mauricio’s company is involved with Habitat for Humanity. He just got back from Dubai and Kyle wants to open a store there. Kyle asks her how the party went. Erika says she tried to keep the whole conversation to a minimum in front of her husband, and now he’s pissed because he doesn’t like her being catty.

Kathryn and Don are shopping and he asks about the dinner party. Kathryn acts like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth about spreading the web comment. Don misuses that honesty word in true Wives fashion, saying Kathryn just tells it like it is. He does say she can be a little brutal at times though. Kathryn says she thinks she’s fair. I don’t know about that, but she sure has a big mouth.

LisaR and Eileen meet at the beach. Eileen says she’s been doing a lot of stunts on her show and has been having a lot of fun. Lisa says her hat’s off to Eileen for being in the soap business for over 30 years. Mine is too. Eileen questions Lisa’s reaction to Erika presenting LisaV as manipulative. LisaR says she wanted to be LisaV’s cheerleader, and she thinks LisaV can be manipulative, but so can a lot of them. Then she opens her big mouth and tells Eileen about how Kyle and LisaV passed comments back and forth about Yolanda. She says LisaV encouraged her to bring up the Munchausen’s issue. She says she’s allowed herself to be used as a pawn. Eileen says she’s speechless. So am I. None of these women are children, and I think they should all put their big girl panties on and think for themselves.

LisaR tells Eileen that Yolanda had lunch with Brandi and Kim the same day she canceled on Erika. Eileen thinks it’s her business, but she probably shouldn’t have worn herself out when she knew she had a commitment. Eileen says since she’s ill, she gives her a pass. Lisa says she thinks Yolanda uses her illness to her advantage. Lisa says something emotional isn’t being dealt with. Eileen says that’s not her experience with Yolanda. She says her gut feeling says to run from Yolanda since she’s more manipulative than anybody.

Kathryn, accompanied by Don, is getting a hearing test. She’s deaf in one ear. She says when she’s in a loud environment, the background noise sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher. She sees the doctor after the test. She says that people think she’s being rude when she really doesn’t hear them. Having loss of hearing in one ear, I totally understand this. The doctor offers her some kind of new device that she says is music to her ear. BA-DUM-BUM!

Kyle brings Yolanda some flowers. Yolanda is getting an award from the Global Lyme Alliance. She’s invited the girls to New York. She wants them to see that her problem is many people’s problem. Kyle wants to discuss the email. Yolanda says she felt attacked by Kyle. Kyle says it was between them and Yolanda sent it to everyone, but Yolanda says everyone was there for the original argument. She says she just wants clarity in her friendships with everyone and she’s better with one on one communication. Which totally explains why she wanted everyone to get the email. Kyle decides to just agree and move on, even though she didn’t really get an answer as to why Yolanda wanted to hang on to their altercation.

The ladies gather for the Habitat for Humanity gig. LisaR says none of them have manual labor skills, so this should be good. Eileen is working and will be joining them later. Mauricio explains the program to them on their way there. I do have manual labor skills and would love to do this.

Kyle says it should be interesting to see a group of ladies who don’t even paint their own nails paint a house. More about Habitat for Humanity is explained.

LisaV thanks Erika for dinner. She keeps joking about the web thing and Erika is over it. Later, Kyle says she’s afraid of spiders and it starts again. LisaV privately tells Kyle enough now. She says Erika has had enough and she’s obviously not laughing.

Erika tells LisaR and Eileen that she doesn’t trust Kathryn any more after she repeated what Erika said and then went through it at the dinner party. Eileen wants them to talk to each other and suggests asking Kathryn to come in on the conversation. Eileen asks Kathryn why she brought up the web thing at Erika’s house. Erika says she has a hard time having a relationship with LisaV because of her. Why would Lisa want to be friends with her and nice to her now? She says Tom was trying to get to know Kathryn. Kathryn says he’s lovely and Erika asks how she would know since she talked the whole time. Erica is waving her hand around and telling Kathryn to listen for once Kathryn tells her not to do that with her hand and Erika says, or what? Ooh, white rich people thug life. I’m also paraphrasing since Erika is talking pretty fast.

Erika says she wants to be friends with Kathryn, but this has hurt their friendship. Kathryn says she can be trusted, as long as she lets her know she needs to be trusted. LisaR says Kathryn is full of it and that she should have known better. Kathryn apologizes, but says they’re overly sensitive in her interview. Erica says she’ll give a person a second chance, but not a third.

Next week, the ladies go to a women’s cancer event, a dog slaughter protest goes in the wrong direction, Yolanda calls everyone out, and David Foster pretends to be a loving husband.

Mar7

March 6, 2016 — The Underworld, the Undead, Cait & Two Wives

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

OMG — this has been one busy night for TV! Both Once Upon A Time and I Am Cait are back, The Walking Dead soldiers on intensely, and The Real Housewives of Atlanta and Potomac will never end.

Once Upon A Time

Emma opens her eyes and finds Neil in her car He says to think of it as a long distance call from a friend. They talk about their son. Emma tells him she’s on her way to the Underworld. Neil tells her it’s a bad idea and it won’t end the way she thinks it will. She asks Neil for help. but he says the Underworld is for people with unfinished business and that’s not him. He tells her to stop what she’s doing, but of course she’s not going to. He wishes her well and disappears.

Emma finds herself back on the boat going to the Underworld.

The passengers debark the boat. The Underworld looks like Storybrooke — if it had been hit by a tornado. Regina says they’re not in Maine anymore. I hadn’t known they were in Maine to begin with. Emma sees someone she knows. Gold/Rumpelstiltskin tells them people are trapped here because of unfinished business and likely some of them are there because of them. Regina says the sooner they get out, the better.

Evil Queen Regina is berating her subjects. It’s her birthday and she wants Snow White’s heart on a plate. A dude tells her he knows where Snow White is, but he wants something in return. She says she’ll return the favor by killing him quickly. Snow comes up behind her with a bow and arrow and tells her to knock it off. Regina says they’re lucky she’s in a good mood and disappears, poof! in a cloud of purple smoke.

Regina’s father tells her not to let her merciless mother, Cora, win and control her. Regina says she banished her mother to Wonderland, but he says as long as she’s on this quest, she’s being controlled.

Apparently Cora is in hell too, because the message is sent to her that Regina is there.

Snow/Mary goes in the Underworld diner. The waitress is excited to see her. Snow says she’s looking for someone and describes Hook. David enters the diner and kisses her. What up wit dat? It turns out he’s David’s brother. He says to let David know there’s a new sheriff in town. He leaves ad the others enter. Henry brings her a room key. I have no idea what just went on there.

Regina sees a guy whose been following them. She calls him out and he says someone wants to see them.

Evil Queen Regina just wants her birthday to be over. I love the costumes on this show and she always gets the best ones. Her father, Henry, asks the Magic Mirror to summon…her. The mirror says he doesn’t have a death wish, but the father insists. Henry sees Cora in the mirror. He tells her to tell Regina to let go over the feud. She says no way, and that they should help her. Cora appears in a full length mirror and Henry says he doesn’t need her help and leaves. She says Regina does and comes out of the mirror.

In the Underworld, Regina meets Cora. They hug. Cora says she has unfinished business, meaning Regina. She says she wants Regina to be happy. Regina asks for help finding Hook. Cora says Regina’s friends and family are holding her back, and she has to do what’s best for her. She’s arranged for a boat in an hour and wants Regina to leave with Henry.

Cora reminds Regina of her last words, that Regina would have been enough. She says sometimes a mother has to do whatever for her daughter even if it’s reprehensible. Regina asks if she’s threatening her. She says no, she has to show her something.

They’re at a cliff and the messenger dude is on the precipice of a cliff with flames leaping below. Cora throws him off into the flames. Cora tells Regina that the Underworld can be left in two ways, to better place of worse one. Cora gives her another option, go home or there will be a cost and someone will suffer — her father.

Gold goes to his Underworld shop. He thinks about how he told Belle he had to go to the Underwold because he’s the only one who’s been there before. She tells him to come back to her and he says he always does. He goes to a safe in the shop and Peter Pan comes in asking if he’s looking for something. Gold says just because Peter sired him, doesn’t make him his father. He says Gold won’t find anything Peter doesn’t want him to find, and gives him a potion. Peter wants to make nice because he wants to go back, but Gold tells him it’s not going to happen. Peter suggests swapping himself for one of the others going back. He gives Gold the potion as a gesture of good will.

Regina tells the others she can’t let her father suffer because of her. She says after she killed him, she thought he went to a better place, but no. They argue, but Gold interrupts with the potion. He says it will allow them to talk to the dead and if they pour it over Hook’s grave, he can tell them where he is. He says he’s leaving on the next boat and they’ll have to handle this themselves. Bye, Felicia!

Snow meets Regina’s father in the woods. He says if the feud continues Regina will lose her soul and the kingdom will be destroyed. Snow hears another voice, and turns. Henry rips her heart out from behind because he’s really Cora. The real Henry, who had called her name, is like, wth? and Cora says, come on, Regina needs her birthday present.

The group goes to the graveyard and uses the potion. Hook appears, but the vision of him is all shaky and he disappears again.

Emma says Hook is in pain and suffering, and they still don’t know where he is. She tells the others to take the boat home, but David says they’re staying to back her up. She tells Regina to them and herself out of there.

The Evil Queen continues to celebrate her birthday by killing a jester. I’ll bet they don’t last long in this kingdom. Cora arrives at her birthday party. Regina asks how she got out of Wonderland and where’s her father. Cora says she lost track of him and gives her Snow’s beating heart. Regina is able to see Snow in the Magic Mirror and crushes her heart. Snow starts to clutch at her chest and panic. Regina is delighted until Jiminy Cricket pops out of Snow’s bodice and Regina realizes it’s not the right heart. Cora says someone must have switched them.

It was Henry. Henry says if Regina crushes Snow’s heart, she’ll be dark forever just like her mother and just what her mother wants. Regina says Henry betrayed her. He says as long as Snow lives, she has a chance, so whatever she does to him is worth it. She makes him disappear, poof! in a puff of blue smoke, and puts him in the box that held the heart. It reminds me of I Dream of Jeanie.

At the Underworld graveyard, Regina visits her father’s grave. He appears and she apologizes. He forgives her and tells her it’s okay. He says he loves her no matter what because that’s what fathers do. She says she doesn’t understand how he can be so good. He says her mother is using him to get her to leave, but he wants her to stay. He’s happy that she finally put vengeance aside. Regina says Cora is going to send him somewhere worse, and she can’t let that happen. He says if she stays, she’ll spread hope and to let him see her doing the right thing. He disappears, poof! in cloud of grey and orange smoke.

Cora asks Regina where her father ran off to and she shows Cora the box. Cora says she’s impressed. Regina says Henry might have been wrong about the revenge, but right about Cora. She says she wants it to be her victory. The Magic Mirror pulls Cora in. Cora says without her, Regina will fail and be alone. Regina says being alone is fine with her and Cora grabs the box, taking it into the mirror with her.

Henry stands on the edge of the cliff. Regina tells Cora to stop. Regina says she’s going to help her friends and her father. Cora says to do what she says and not force her hand. Regina says she doesn’t have to do it and Cora makes the flames swallow Henry. Whoa, wait, the flames disappear, and an extension goes out from the cliff. A heavenly light shows from above and Henry says it’s where he belongs. His unfinished business was with Regina. He let Cora get in the way of their relationship, but now Regina is free of her. Regina introduces Henry to his grandson and namesake. He tells young Henry to take good care of Regina and tells Regina not to forget who she really is.

He leaves and goes into the light. That was all pretty touching. If I wasn’t typing, I might have shed a tear or two.

Regina and Henry join the others. Gold (hasn’t he left yet?) says that the people here are not the dearly departed, just wretched souls not worth helping. He says he’s not sticking around, because no one heard him the first time. Henry dubs their quest Operation Firebird. The clock in the fallen clock tower ticks and Regina smiles.

Cora isn’t gone. She goes inside a building and into an elevator. Ha-ha! Where does an elevator in the Underworld go? The Under Underworld? Cora goes into a cavern to a weird library where some dude is having a pedicure. Dude wants Regina gone. Each clock tick means a soul has left his domain. I guess he’s the devil? He says Regina is going to regret her decision. Cora says don’t threaten either one of them and she wants what he promised her.

He puts Cora in rags and says she’s a miller’s daughter again and to go tote bags of grain. Cora says he promised to save them and he says she promised not to fail and that’s something to think about for eternity. She takes a wheelbarrow full of sacks and goes. Dude’s hair turns into blue flames.

Next week, Hercules joins the cast and they fight Cerberus, the three-headed dog. I can’t wait!

The Walking Dead

Carol (where’s she been?) is in the pantry picking out ingredients. Carol is in the woods, offing a zombie. Carol is getting dressed in her mom sweater. Carol is taking roasted chestnuts out of the oven and baking cookies. Carol is passing out cookies to the neighbors. Is this a day in the life of Carol?

Carol brings Tobin some cookies. He says they’re pink, and she says beets make them sweet. He says they’re the best beet and acorn cookies he’s ever tasted. I don’t totally trust Carol and wonder if she’s flirting with him or going to poison him.

Rick is back and wants everyone to meet at the church. He tells Carol they’re going to have to fight. He drives off and Carol ponders her remaining cookie container.

Morgan sees Carol and says it’s been a while since they talked. He wonders why she didn’t tell Rick. He says she didn’t want to tell anyone because it’s kind of like she did it too. She says it’s not that way and I have no clue what they’re talking about.

Rick says Maggie hammered out a deal with Hilltop for food and supplies. He says they’re not giving it away though. He tells them about the Saviors and that the Saviors would have found them eventually. He says If they were low on food, it would be the end of them. He says if they fight the Saviors for Hilltop, they can keep Alexandria. He asks if anyone has anything to say. Morgan asks if he’s sure they can beat the Saviors.

Morgan wants to give the Saviors a choice of compromise. Rick says if they talk to them first, they’re sunk. Morgan says life means possibilities. Rick thinks it would be a mistake, and asks who else feels that way. That would be nobody, so Rick says they’ll kill them all. He says not everybody has to be involved, but if they stay behind, they have to accept it.

Carol can’t sleep. She writes some weird stuff in a journal. The number 18 is significant. Carol looks like she has a headache.

Maggie tells Glenn about the deal. She says she has to go with them.

Carol is out having a smoke. She sees Tobin on the steps of his house. They sit together. Tobin says he’s worried about her going to fight the Saviors. He says she can do things that terrify him. She asks how. He says she’s a mom. It’s not the cookies and smiles, but it’s the hard scary stuff that takes strength that makes her a mom to people there. Amen, dude. She’s definitely like a scary mom. She asks if she’s a mom to him, but he says no, she’s something else and kisses her. Lots of nookie this season.

Abe is packing. He tells Rosita he’s leaving after the raid. She asks why and he says it’s just the way shit is. She says he’s not leaving unless he can tell her why. He says she’s not the last woman on earth and she starts to cry. He leaves. Eugene comes by and offers her a cookie, but she slams the door in his face. Poor Eugene. He’s just trying to help.

Andy says he’s been inside the Savior camp. He’s makes a map and explains where things are.

Tara tells Denise she loves her. She’s going with the others and asks if Denise wants to come. Denise says she’s needed in Alexandria, even though she wants to go. She says she’ll tell Tara when she comes back. They kiss and hug.

Andy goes over the layout. Rick and company plan the raid. Rick says they’re going to let them walk in. He says they want Gregory’s head and they’re going to give it to them.

A caravan, headed by the Winnebago, heads toward the Savior camp. They get out. It’s on foot from there. Rick asks Father Gabriel why he still wears his minister duds. Gabriel says that’s who he still is, he thinks, and they also can’t see him in the dark.

Rosita bitches to Carol about Morgan, but says she won’t tell anyone. Dammit, what?

Cool zombies in the woods, like with half-arms and stuff. Glenn and Heath kill them. Heath says he’s been lucky, he hasn’t had to kill any of the living before. Glenn says he’s been lucky too. Glenn asks if Heath has ever seen something he can’t unsee. Heath says yeah. I think all of us have, Glenn. Glenn says him too, but killing someone has to be worse than that and he’s nervous.

Rick tells the group they’re going to scout the place and if everything looks good, they’re going in a few hours before dawn when the guards are tired and everyone is sleeping. If it doesn’t look good, they go back and make a new plan. They roll out at midnight.

Carol asks why Maggie is there. Rick says it’s her choice. Carol says she shouldn’t be there and Rick says okay.

Apparently Jesus had a job with a special effects department. He’s worked with the heads of the zombies that were killed to make them look like Gregory. He gives Rick three to chose from.Andy says the Saviors are scary, but and Negan has nothing on Rick.

Commercial break. Fear 462 gets their first real zombie. Doesn’t everyone know to shoot one in the head though? Oooh! I can’t wait for The Purge: Election Year. I thought the first Purge movie was a little ridiculous, but I loved The Purge: Anarchy.

Andy drives to the Hilltop gate and says it’s done. Someone calls from inside to bring it in. Two guards come out and he pulls a fake Gregory head out of a bag. His hand is bandaged and he says he broke his hand on Gregory’s nose to cover why the head doesn’t look perfect. After the head is thoroughly examined, it passes inspection. The guard says he can take his guy home and he can bring them more stuff next week.

When the guard goes inside, Daryl slashes the other one’s throat. The others hide the body. The guard comes out with the other Hilltopper and he gets killed. The guard, I mean. Rick and company go inside. Rick tells them to find the arsenal and they spread out a little.

Rick sees a sleeping guy and kills him. Glenn and Heath go into a room where a couple of other guys are sleeping. Glenn kills one and freaks a little. Heath hesitates with the second and Glenn takes over. I have the feeling Heath shouldn’t have come on this trip. Glenn sees a bulletin board with Polaroids of dead zombies, which is an oxymoron.

Tara asks if Gabriel is still a priest. He says he is. She says she lied to her girlfriend this morning. Denise caught her covering something up, so Sara said “I love you.” She says she told Denise that she’d done something like this before. I’m not sure if she’s talking about the raid or a same sex relationship. Gabriel asks if she loves Denise and she says yes. He says she knows what she’s fighting for then.

Sasha and Abe try to kill a guy, but he sounds an alarm.

Maggie starts to run toward the camp and Carol stops her saying she should be somewhere else. Maggie says they need their help. Carol says Maggie is staying there. Yeah, better listen to Carol She can be tough in the discipline department.

Sasha tells Jesus to get his people back to Hilltop. He says Rick needs his help, so no.

Inside, chaos is ensuing. Lots of shooting and stabbing and running. I know we’re bound to lose someone. Heath? He and Glenn throw themselves into a room. A room that happens to be the arsenal. They shoot through the door at the people who were chasing them, then cautiously open it. All dead. Except one and Jesus shoots him from behind before he can shoot.

Gabriel sees one of the guys in the woods. He tells him to drop his gun. The guy says Gabriel is just as dead as he is, along with some other cheerful tidings. Gabriel gives him some Bible verses and shoots him, saying “amen.”

Rick and the gang move outside. Heath leaves in the Winnebago.

Back in Alexandria, Morgan is doing some welding.

The rest of the group is getting ready to wrap things up. Michonne wonders which one was Negan. Suddenly, a guy comes hurtling out on a motorcycle. Oops, missed a spot. Daryl knocks him off the bike. They hear a loudspeaker with a female voice telling them to lower their weapons. Oops, missed a lot of spots. Rick says come out and let’s talk. The voice says they’re not coming out, but they will talk. They have Carol and Maggie.

Next week, a deal is struck.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kandi, who feels about to pop, is seeing Dr. Jackie (from Married to Medicine — reality crossover!) and has a sonogram. All is well. Jackie tells her she’s been a fantastic pregnant woman. She talks about how they can still have sex and even I’m embarrassed because Mama Joyce is in the room. Next, she asks about names. Kandi likes Ace Wells Tucker. Jackie likes it and so do I. Jackie asks Todd if he has a push gift. Mama Joyce says if Kandi doesn’t like it, she’ll take it. Apparently she and Todd are getting along a lot better these days.

Kim leaves the kids with a sitter to go out on the deck and work. She’s having a video conference with her collaborator, Art, who sounds like he does what an agent does plus more. They discuss various projects and she shelves the one with Kenya. Kim says they’re like oil and water and just can’t work together, even though she had a lot of positive things to say about her project. Kim says she takes her work and reputation seriously.

Phaedra sets a beautiful table Her divorce attorney comes by and they have a drink. The divorce has been filed. The lawyer explains about how Apollo will have to be served in prison. They discuss the boys visiting. Phaedra says she doesn’t want her sons to be exposed to the grittiness of the prison and the attorney says Fort Dix is the best possible scenario as prisons go. She asks what Phaedra is going to tell them. Phaedra says very little, because if for some reason they can’t get in to visit, she doesn’t want them to be confused or bummed out. She says the attorney is like a second mom to her.

Kenya and Matt are meeting Aunt Lori at Kenya’s new house, which is coming along beautifully. Kenya says Matt wants a parking spot at the house, but he needs to put a ring on it first. She introduces him to her aunt, and gives her a tour. Kenya had to fire people along the way, and Lori tells Matt to be careful he doesn’t get fired, but he says he’s expecting a promotion. Go, Matt!

When Lori is alone with Kenya, she asks how it’s going with Matt. Kenya says she’s approaching things differently than in the past, taking it a step at a time. Lori says Kenya hasn’t said much about Matt, and she knows Kenya usually dates rich guys. Kenya says her only concern is the age difference. It sounds like Matt is a good guy and understands Kenya. She says she’s scared he’s the right one. Lori says it’s always a crap shoot with love.

Even though Porsha is a fool, she does have cute dogs. Dogs are the great leveler in this world. No matter how much money you have, they still poop on the floor. Her sister comes by and asks how the Jamaica trip was. She says Oliver surprised her and it went well. Lauren says they need to do a photo shoot for her new “Naked Lingerie” line. Porsha’s “Naked Hair” line has taken off, so she’s expanding. They go over the labels for the clothing and phone the creative director about the shoot. Porsha struggles with words that have more than one syllable and the director tells her she has the brains of a paper cup. I concur. (That means I agree, Porsha.)

Cynthia goes to Kim’s office where Kim is going over the commercial they shot in Jamaica. It’s pretty cute and Cynthia is happy. Cynthia feels badly about the Kenya nonsense. She talks to Kim about what was said about Kim’s husband and Kim says the both of them just laughed it off.

Phaedra visits Kandi bearing a gift. She says their relationship has changed, but they always make it work in the end. Kandi says she’s feeling uncomfortable and ready to have the baby. This is Phaedra’s cue to present Kandi with the gift of nipple conditioner.

They talk about the trip to Jamaica and Phaedra says Nene was there. Kandi is a little surprised since usually Nene wants to distance herself. She tells Kandi about how Cynthia said she and Kenya weren’t such great friends and that Sheree and Nene seemed to have mended fences. Kandi says she wouldn’t be so quick to get back into the friendship if she was Sheree. Kandi asks about the kids in regard to Apollo. Phaedra says Aidan understands somewhat. They talk about the boys a little.

It’s time for the lingerie photo shoot. Cynthia is also going to model. Cynthia says she and Porsha’s friendship is a work in progress. They do hair and make-up, and the pictures begin. I have to admit, this is some nice stuff. They spend so much time getting ready, they lose the light outside, so the operation is moved indoors.

Phaedra and the boys fly to Philadelphia and her mom meets them there. She hasn’t told the boys that they’re there to visit Apollo, just in case they can’t get in. She tells her mother that she’ll tell them when they get to the facility. Her mother says they’ll have to think about how to handle things after they see him. Phaedra doesn’t want them to be traumatized when they have to leave.

Matt and Kenya go out for dinner. She says that usually, a guy Matt’s age is a “drive by” for her, but after Jamaica, she thinks he could be what she’s been looking for. She says even though her clock is ticking, she doesn’t want to pressure him, but wants to know that they’re on the same page. She asks Matt if he’s still a party boy or is he ready to settle down. They make cute banter and the food comes. She asks if he wants children and he says within the next year or so. She admits to not being a spring chicken and thinking about freezing eggs already. When the dessert fondue comes, they get cuddly on one side of the table together.

Phaedra tells the boys they’re going on a surprise visit. I can’t stand Phaedra and think Apollo is a lowlife, but these kids are way cute. She says they haven’t seen Apollo in a year and Dylan might not have much recollection of him, having still been in diapers when Apollo went to prison. Apollo must have done all right as a dad though, because we flash back and they obviously love him. Phaedra is concerned what will happen when they see their father. We flash back to everyone’s opinion on the visitation, but Phaedra says hers is the only opinion that counts because they’re not walking in her shoes. As much as I hate saying it, she’s got a point.

In the car, the kids are adorable again. Phaedra says she’s getting more nervous as the time gets closer. Cameras aren’t allowed inside Fort Dix, so we don’t see the visit.

They go straight to the airport afterward. Phaedra says that Apollo was happy to see them, but the boys got antsy because they’re little and have no attention span. She says it was a lot and she’s not sure about a second visit. Phaedra is glad it’s over with. She says when she brought up the divorce, Apollo was against it, but she’s ready to move on.

Next week — the finale — Cynthia gives Peter a massage (my eyes!), Porsha is late (wink, wink), and it’s Christmastime with Kenya playing The Grinch.

I Am Cait

Yay! Cait is back!

Jenny and the gang come by Cait’s house. The girls are taking a road trip. Cait wants to find out more about other transgenders and immerse herself in trans issues. Kendall and Kylie are there and Cait talks about how difficult it was to tell them she was transitioning. Kendall and/or Kylie says they come from a very open-minded family.

They discuss at what point in time they each discovered when they knew what gender they were. They talk about how difficult it is with being called “dad” in a public place. When Cait’s daughters leave, she says she’ll call them from the road.

Candis says there’s been backlash about Cait in the transgender community and Cait needs a reality check. Cait talks about being the only conservative on the bus during an election year, and how it should be interesting. Probably not the word I’d use.

After picking up more people, they’re off to the Grand Canyon. Lots of banter and jokes and suitcases on the bus. It’s a pretty amazing bus. Not quite like the bus in Spiceworld, but it’s definitely glam. At lunchtime, Cait suggests the stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere and take over a restaurant.

Well, it’s not very crowded. I think they might be the only ones there. So much for a Priscilla, Queen of the Desert moment. There is some comedy though when Shandie gets locked behind on the bus until someone comes to her rescue. The lunch is uneventful and drinks are poured on the bus. Jenny says the trip is about more than having fun, and some of Cait’s hardest work is ahead.

Jenny broaches the subject of Cait saying she thinks of herself as heterosexual. She asks if when Cait was a man, if she thought about men as romantic partners. Jenny says her view changed after she transitioned. Cait says no, she hadn’t ever thought about them that way. Shandie asks if Cait dated women, if she’d consider herself a lesbian. Cait says she can’t see herself dating a woman in the future. She says she’s been there, done that, and has three ex-wives. Jenny says now she can have an ex-husband. Ha-ha! Cait says she doesn’t think women would be attracted to her and the girls beg to differ. They talk about attraction and how it differs with people.

They get to the hotel. Cait says now that she’s said what everyone wants to hear, that she’d date a man, maybe they’ll leave her alone for a while. Fat chance. Welcome to the world of women, where no one can let anything go. Some of the girls go out for a meal and discuss Cait’s openness on the bus. Jenny says that Cait often avoids certain topics, but she can’t run away from them now.

Candis and Cait talk about going on a double date. Cait asks if they’re affair would be over then, referring to the tabloid stories that always have them dating one another.

On the bus, Jenny reads an article about a win in a transgender issue case. At lunch, one of the girls — the youngest, at 18 — talks about going to college, and the rest of the women discuss their experiences as transgenders in school. Jenny says a lot of life experiences depend on the community they live in.

Candis suggests talking to Hilary Clinton. Cait says she’s open to hearing both sides and if Hilary becomes President, they’ll need her on their side. Although Cait says Hilary isn’t on anybody’s side but her own. The ladies disagree and ask which Republican candidate would be on the side of transgender issues. Cait says all of them and they scoff at that.

Cait is out and about meeting people. The ladies go to a gift shop and look at the tchotchkes with names on them. I understand when they get excited to see their names. I rarely see anything that has Theresa with an “h’ in it.

They take a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon. It’s amazing. I saw it from an airplane window once and that was pretty cool too. They go out for dinner. Lots of eating on this trip. I’m in. They discuss when they used to wear women’s clothing as males. Cait talks about going out once, dressed as a woman, and being mistaken for a transgender by a “chaser.” It’s discussed how men who really love a transgender should step up and show that it’s not just a fetish. Cait says everything is complicated by the media for her. More boyfriend talk.

Jenny says in Houston an ordinance protecting the LGBT community has been repealed. I think she spends most of her life on her iPad, checking news items. The tagline for the opposing viewpoint was “No men in women’s bathrooms.” Jenny says the religious right and conservatives are fear-mongering, and it only takes one group to say something like, transgenders are also molesters, and it creates fear.

Jenny asks how Cait feels as a conservative. She says she thinks it’s the way being a transgender is presented to the public. Jenny says it was the Republicans, which begins a debate. Cait says people keep pressuring her to suddenly become a liberal, but her views aren’t going to change. She doesn’t think it’s a question of being conservative or liberal. I agree, there are a-holes in every group and I think most politicians are out for themselves instead of serving the people. And that’s as political as you’ll ever see me get in public. I do agree with Cait though, that it’s unfair to pressure her into thinking in a way she doesn’t think just because she transitioned. I mean, isn’t part of being accepted showing that a particular segment of people is just the same as everyone else?

Cait says Republicans believe in the Constitution which supports equal rights. One of the ladies talks about an ad that perpetuates fear. Candis says there’s never been a Republican who’s stuck their neck out for transgender issues. Cait says the economy is a bigger issue. Cait says she doesn’t think they’re out to get transgenders. Jenny says being a woman is more than hair and make-up. Cait says that conservatives look at it differently and feel the economic issues are more important and if that mess isn’t taken care of, the rest of it won’t matter. Candis worries that if Cait doesn’t change her viewpoint, she’ll find herself ostracized.

Cait says the economy is going to collapse. Zachary says advocating for her trans brothers and sisters is the most important, and she sees the Democrats promoting their issues. Cait says again that they don’t realize how free programs could contribute to an economic downfall.

This season, some of the LGBT community protest Cait; Kris makes an appearance; the girls try on wedding dresses; Kim helps Cait with a new DMV photo; and Cait meets Hilary.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

Please tell me this is the finale. No? Oh, come on.

Katie, Ashley, Robyn and Gizelle meet for lunch. Katie is going to ask them about the being involved with Rost Foundation. They talk about Ashley’s husband wanting to go swimming off the yacht. Ashley says she feels like everyone is just waiting for her to mess up. Well, yeah.

Katie talks about casino night. Katie wants to raise 100K in three weeks and doesn’t even have a venue yet, but she seems to think she can handle it. She says she hasn’t had an event that’s failed yet. Robyn is like if it doesn’t work out, it’s not on us. Katie says if they don’t want to be on the host committee, they don’t have to be and basically fires them ten seconds after hiring them.

Ashley is hosting a weekend at her beach house. She says she feels like she’s the freshman in the group. Her friend tells her to teach them how it’s done.

Katie tells Andrew about the lunch. She says everyone’s egos are too inflated to be supportive. She’s not exactly in the mood for a beach holiday with them, but she’s sucking it up because she likes Ashley.

Karen’s husband wonders if she has bricks in her suitcase and I understand. My father used to ask that about my purse.

Ashley frets about being one of the group. Since Karen is helping her, she’s offered to be her driver. They go in a two-seater, along with Ashley’s dog. Despite their issues, the rest of the girls go with Katie, whose car actually looks like a normal car. Karen asks if Ashley is nervous. Ashley says she wants to be a part of the group and feels like an outsider. Karen says she and her husband built their own life and she once felt that way. She says as Black women, they should embrace each other. The other girls play “Marry, Shag, Kill,” which I think is the stupidest game in the world.

Ashley tells Karen her room plan. Karen gives it the thumbs up. The other girls talk about Katie’s dating life, including Russell Simmons. Katie once blogged about catching him cheating. Gizelle is all tsk-tsk, but in her individual interview, Katie says she’s a fine one to talk, since her husband is all over the blogs. No blogs that I read.

Three hours later — an hour longer than I like to be in a car — they arrive at Ashley’s beach house, which is of course incredible. Ashley has hired a chef and breaks out the drinks. The girls think the cocktails are too sweet and demand ask for champagne. They talk about Ashley’s sex life and I go ♫ LA-LA-LA! ♫ For whatever reason, Ashley says she can tell the women don’t like the food. I have the feeling they probably don’t like much of anything they don’t control themselves.

Ashley shows them their rooms. She says she assigned rooms according to friendships. Robyn finds it all hysterical that she’s staying with Gizelle. It’s obviously a kid’s room and Gizelle is offended. Some girl who I don’t know is rooming with Charrisse, whose name was spelled wrong on the little cards Ashley made, so she claims that’s not her bed.

Gizelle starts Googling hotels and says you don’t put a grown woman in a kiddie bed. It’s a twin bed. Robyn thinks they should get a grip. Gizelle says if Karen had her room, she’d be losing her wig. All the hotels are filled, and Ashley is made to feel like a lowlife. What a bunch of jerks these women are. Is it the finale yet?

Commercial break. Yay! The Shahs of Sunset is back April 10. It’s one of my favorites.

It’s breakfast time and everyone is pitching in except Gizelle. Robyn says she didn’t hear the end of it all night. Worst. Guest. Ever. Ashley says they’re going surfing and those who don’t want to have the option of lounging on the beach. Ashley cops to the fact that had she been up front about the accommodations, some of them might not have come. Charrisse admits that she almost left, but she’s going to stick it out. Oh, gee, congratulations. What I wouldn’t give for a few days at Ashley’s beach house. Even rooming with whoever that extra woman is.

Gizelle says there are sharks in the water, so surfing is dangerous, but I think it’s more a hair and make-up issue. Karen and Charrisse sit it out with her. The girls go out on the water and Ashley’s tattoo is discussed. Ashley thinks everyone is having a good time. Karen thinks there should have been a safer option like a boating expedition. I think Ashley is a real pita, but she’s fun. I’d definitely hang out with her, especially if she’s buying.

Katie tells Charrisse about her lunch and how the girls weren’t supportive of her endeavors. They’re out at the market buying crabs for the grill. In the meantime, Robyn is preparing the grill and Ashley has sweated through her dress because she’s not wearing underwear. This is the most TMI episode ever. The crabs get grilled. Ashley starts to discuss bathroom habits and I agree with Karen that this should be a conversation for another time, not while we’re eating.

Charrisse is all kumbaya and suggests they go around the table, saying something good about one of the others. Gizelle says something about Katie being brilliant, which Katie takes as Gizelle saying she’s stupid, and I’m totally lost on that. In her individual interview though, Gizelle does say that she thinks something is wrong with Katie. Please, is this show over yet?

Still in the throes of bonding, after going inside, Charrisse suggests they say whatever is on their hearts. Gizelle talks about a tea that makes you go to the bathroom and we’re back at that conversation. Robyn asks Charrisse how she’s feeling about divorce. Charrisse tears up and says material things don’t matter. Gizelle says they don’t matter to her either and I wonder if I’ve changed channels.

Karen talks about her mother having early dementia and says she’d give up everything to change that. Okay, that one I would believe. Robyn starts to talk about how a best friend stole money from her and her husband, and starts to cry.

Next week, hopefully we finish that thought; Katie’s behavior at Ashley’s birthday party is discussed (again); Gizelle says Karen is doing well with Ashley, but by the end of the day Karen is done.

Whew!