What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Anna is on the phone discussing Valentin with Robert. Laura meets her at Kelly’s. Anna wonders if Laura can answer some questions.

Nina tells Valentin that just because she enjoys something, doesn’t mean it’s good for her. She loves ice cream, but she can’t have it every day. Switching topics, she asks where his adorable daughter is.

Nurse Amy 2.0 talks to Rocco about a possible brother or sister, and as usual, oversteps her bounds.

Sam tells Jason that someone tried to kill Julian twice. Jason says there isn’t any proof that the two things are related. He points out the differences, saying the hit and run was sloppy whereas the bomb was carefully planned.

Alexis visits Julian in the hospital. He wonders what took her so long. She says she was talking to the police.

Michael suggests that Nell keep watch on him to see his “tells.” These are apparently behavioral clues as to what move someone is going to make. He says if she gets that information, when they have a Backgammon rematch, she can win. She’s hesitant to go with him to the gala because of Carly.

Ava tells Carly she doesn’t get a say with Avery since she’s not her child. Carly says she has a low tolerance right now, and Ava best leave before there’s hair-pulling. Sonny is kind of into that, but says Avery is staying with him. Ava asks if Carly is standing by Sonny even though he planted the bomb that killed her son. She says maybe if Carly had been more on the ball with Morgan, he would still be alive. Sonny tells her to back off. Carly says Ava claimed that she loved Morgan, but she’s using him as leverage the way she uses her own children. She says Ava is going after Sonny where she thinks he’s vulnerable. Ava calls them a tag team and asks if they’re back together.

Michael tells Nell that he could ask Carly first, but she’ll stick her nose in everything, right on down to Nell’s shoes. Nell says she’ll go with him.

Jason doesn’t think the two attempts on Julian’s life relate. Sam asks if he thinks it’s a random hit and run, but he says not necessarily. Curtis finally shows up. He says he paid Julian a visit, offering to resume his services, but Julian declined. He says it confirms a theory he had – Julian doesn’t want anyone to know who planted the bomb.

Alexis tells Julian that she heard he was struck buy a hit and run driver, and it might have been on purpose. She says the police are trying to find out. She asks if he’s remembered anything yet.

Anna tells Laura that Valentin’s records are practically non-existent, so if she can recall anything, it would be helpful. Laura says he turned up in Greece saying he was Mikkos’s bastard son and had been denied everything .She says it was mentioned that he was the Cassadine all other Cassadines feared. She tells Anna about the Halloween incident, and how he came dressed in costume, leading them to believe he was Doc, and when he revealed himself, said he was there to claim the estate. Anna says he puts on a show as a perfect gentleman, but then kicks her out. Laura says quite the opposite, he offered to let her stay there, but she said no. Anna asks how he took the rejection. Laura tells her that Valentin hides behind his good manners, but she knows he has secrets, and thinks one of them is about her family.

Amy toddles off, and Lulu says that was awkward. Santa has finally arrived and Nina takes him aside for discussion. Valentin approaches Lulu and Dante. He introduces himself to Rocco, and Lulu tells him not to speak to her son. He says as she wishes, and she suggests he go back to Greece and turn himself in. Dante tells him to stay away from his family, but Valentn says that won’t be possible.

Curtis tells Jason and Sam that he knew Julian fired him too abruptly, right after he asked about Oscar Jessup. He says Julian is definitely hiding something, and Oscar is a front. He says you’d think he’d want someone to investigate, but he wasn’t interested and got testy about it. Sam says they don’t think the two incidents are related, and Curtis says he doesn’t either. It’s obvious that Julian doesn’t want it investigated.

Julian acts like he doesn’ remember anything. Alexis asks about a prognosis. He tells her blah-blah-blah, and she asks if he’ll recover. He says eventually. He says he could have died in the parking lot except for a good Samaritan who called 911. They saved his life and he wishes he could thank them. Alexis tells him pay it forward and try not to kill anyone else. He says why not just say the words, and thanks her for calling 911 after she ran him down.

Sonny tells Ava that his and Carly’s relationship is none of her business. She says Avery is her business. Sonny says Avery is staying with him. Ava says he confessed, but Carly says it was just a father’s grief, and he committed no crime. She says if Sonny can’t care for Avery, she’ll stay with her, and Ava says she’ll have her in court. Carly threatens her with the Paul Hornsby video, and Ava says having sex isn’t a crime. Carly says, but murder is.

Laura tells Anna that when Valentin showed up to take possession of Windemere, he looked at her when he was leaving. He said they’d always be connected by their families, and it felt like a threat.

Valentin tells Dante that they live in the same town, and asks if Dante is going to arrest him for smiling and saying hello. He says not to harass him, and Dante says he’ll take his chances. Nina comes to get Rocco for the Santa line. She asks Valentin where Charlotte is and Valentin goes to get her.

Curtis wonders why Julian would protect the person who tried to kill him. Sam steps away to take a call. Curtis tells Jason about Julian getting a phone call and being amped up like he’d had bad news. He says maybe someone is out to get Julian for something in the past, and if whoever planted the bomb is exposed, so is Julian’s past transgression, and he’s covering for them. Sam returns saying Spinelli called. She says he sent her something and hands Jason her phone.

Julian says he lied. Alexis sarcastically says that’s shocking. He says he remembered everything and goes through the events of the evening, while we see mini flash backs. Alexis says it was an accident, and Julian says it was a DWI.

Michael explains everything about the gala to Nell. She asks about the dress code, and he tells her festive attire. She asks if a cocktail dress is okay, since she can’t afford a ballgown. He says he can fix that. That’s nice and all, but why would “festive attire” be confined to a ballgown?

Carly suggests Ava knew about Paul’s murder spree, and he fixed Julian’s trial. She says if the sex tape comes up, the police might investigate and she could be considered an accomplice. Carly says it’s better for everyone if they keep the custody agreement they already have. Ava asks how she can risk something happening like what happened with Morgan. Carly says that Sonny is a good father, and Avery belongs with him. Sonny says he’s going to be more generous with Ava than she’s been with him. He’s going to forget about what she said regarding Morgan, and she can pick up Avery on her regular day. Ava tells them that they deserve each other, and leaves . Sonny thanks Carly.

Valentin tells Charlotte that they’re going to meet someone very important. BTW, Nina looks fabulous as usual, in a dress with a black crochet overlay and ruffled bottom. She tells Santa that she knows Valentin isn’t his favorite person, but Charlotte is special. Doc says he’ll suck it up for the kid.

Spinelli has sent a parking permit for the van that was blocking the mini-mart cameras. Jason says it’s a monthly permit for October. Curtis thinks it might turn up something useful. Sam has to go to her doctor’s appointment, so Curtis and Jason go to investigate.

Alexis repeats that it was an accident. Julian says the bartender might not see it that way. She says he wasn’t there, and her memory differs from his. Julian says what if he had died or she hit someone else; what would her daughters think? Alexis says they want her to kill him. He calls her a drunk (ouch), and says she’s in serious trouble. She says the police won’t find anything. It will be her word against his, and who do you think they’ll believe? He says she might be able to get off not being prosecuted, but the Bar Association has a lower standard of proof.

Carly tells Sonny that Avery belongs with him. She says she knows he was trying to honor Morgan, but his confession wasn’t a good idea, and it doesn’t honor Morgan to wallow in the loss. She says “we” have to do better for him. She tells Sonny that they’ll always be in each other’s lives, but she doesn’t know what it means. It will take everything she’s got to get through Christmas, but they have to for the kids. She says she left some presents for Josslyn in the bedroom and wants to send them to Australia, since it’s Jax’s turn to have Josslyn for the holiday. She and Michael have decided to do a celebration early with her. Um…then why send the presents to Australia? She tells sonny that the presents are under the bed, and he offers to get them.

Michael suggests that he and Nell hit Maxie up for a ballgown. Nell says she’ll worry about spilling something or someone stepping on it. He tells her that if she changes her mind, Maxie has everything. Nell says she’ll stick to her own stuff and suddenly realizes her necklace is gone.

Sonny looks under the bed. He finds the presents. And Nell’s necklace.

Laura gets to the hospital too late to see Rocco with Santa, but Lulu says they took a lot of pictures. She says it took Santa a while to go through Rocco’s scroll list, and that it’s probably best that Laura avoided Valentin.

Back on the phone, Anna asks Robert if there were any casualties, and then says to send her everything he’s got.

Alexis says it’s Julian’s fault that she lost her license in the first place. She broke the rules for him because he believe that he loved her. He says he does, and tells her that she’s trying to sell herself as a good lawyer. She says she is, and he calls her a drunk again. Double ouch. She says she’s good at what she does, and it’s all she has. She asks if he’s going to turn her in now.

Curtis and Jason find the truck in the parking garage. It’s locked. Jason asks Curtis if he wants to turn his back while he breaks in or help.

Nell is freaking over her necklace. She tells Michael it’s not valuable, but it means something to her. He asks when she remembers wearing it last, and she flashes back. She says she thinks she knows where she left it.

Carly is at the bedroom door. She asks Sonny if he found the gifts. He has the necklace scrunched in his hand. Here’s what you do, Sonny. Don’t let her see the necklace and put it in your pocket. When she asks what’s that? tell her that it’s a Christmas gift for her and then have Max buy something.

Sam goes to her appointment at the hospital, since apparently there is no private practice in Port Charles. She asks Amy II what room Julian is in.

Curtis and Jason find the parking permit, along with empty cans, chip bags, candy wrappers, and a bad smell. Curtis says it’s nasty. That’s what I say about my husband’s work van. There’s nothing in the back, but when he closes the sliding door,  Jason notices that something is behind the truck logo and starts to peel it off.

Julian tells Alexis to relax. It will be their secret. Provided she does someting for him in return. Like we didn’t expect that.

Anna tells Robert that she doesn’t think it’s a coincidence that the place burned to the ground. She thanks Robert, saying she’s finally getting somewhere. She looks at an article on her laptop about a fire at Bedlington, and says, “Valentin, what did you do?”

Nina tells Charlotte that Santa wants to know what she wants for Christmas.

Laura tells Dante and Lulu that Anna is working hard to get something against Valentin. She tells Rocco she wants to see what Santa gave him, but he can’t find it. Lulu heads toward Santa.

Val tells Nina that he’s explained about Santa to Charlotte (don’t they have Santa in France or wherever she lived?) He says he’s told Charlotte that Santa can bring her anything except a purple unicorn. A pony isn’t out of the question though. Santa asks if Charlotte wants a pony, but she says the only thing she wants is a momma. Aww!

Lulu stares at Charlotte on Santa’s lap with a mixture of surprise, love and expectation. I believe we’re to assume she thinks Charlotte is her lost daughter.

Tomorrow, Michael asks Carly for a favor, Sam asks why Alexis is with Julian, and Curtis and Jason shake down the van driver.

Vanderpump Rules

Here’s where I ponder for an entire hour how anyone in their right mind could be interested in James.

Schwartz and Katie are going to the wedding venue in Lake Tahoe. Katie is expecting the blue sky wedding of her dreams. She expects a lot. It’s a really cute place, out in the woodsy country with an old grist mill. Schwartz says Katie wants a Lisa Vanderpump wedding on a Tom and Katie budget. Apparently, his input is unwanted though. Why would this be a surprise? It’s a given that all the groom needs to do is show up.

Katie says they’re already in the woods, so she doesn’t want it overly rustic. Woodsy elegance is the theme. The planner asks about how they met, and Schwartz says he thinks they just got drunk and had sex. He asks what the damage is so far. 24K. Way past the 10-15K he was thinking. Hahahahahahaha! That Schwartz is so clueless.

Ariana and Tom go to the gym. Tom tells us that you have to keep your beach body on stand-by in LA. James is there, and Tom asks if he’s in trouble. James tells them he got fired from SUR and PUMP. Tom asks about Raquel, and James says she knows all about it. In his interview, he claims Jax and GG made up a rumor about him getting together with GG.

Lala asks to talk to Lisa. They step outside. Lala says she spoke to Katie about the rumors, and her boyfriend isn’t married. Lisa thinks she’s turning red, and Lisa is right. The more Lala protests – even though Lisa isn’t the one accusing her of anything – the pinker she gets. Lisa says it’s not her business, but something seems off. In her interview, Lala claims she was blushing because she respects Lisa. She wishes Lisa would trust her more. She’s like an alcoholic who is three sheets to the wind, but insists that they haven’t been drinking.

Tom goes to an underwear model job. He puts some socks where his junk is. Then he shoves a peach in there. Tom wonders if he’s not “showing well.” He’d like to be more choosy about his jobs, but needs wedding money. I’m glad I’m not a male underwear model.

SUR is busy, and Jax is over an hour late. Lisa tells manager Brooke to write him up when she sees him. He strolls in, saying he got locked out. In her interview, Lisa says the last time, he was locked up. She tells him to apologize to the other employees and not to be cheeky. She tells them to hit him where it hurts and not give him his share of the tip. Ugh! I hate shared tips. It just seems so unfair, although I do give this group credit for working hard. When they’re not in a closet crying or something.

Tom and Ariana bike to a restaurant for date night. The valet parks their bike, which is actually kind of cute. Tom wonders how Schwartz and Katie are doing. They discuss Schwartz’s fear of Katie’s anger, and Ariana says it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy. She’s glad that she and Tom agree on the important stuff. Ariana is willing to get a house with Tom, but not get married, and Tom thinks a 30-year fixed mortgage is more of a commitment than marriage. He’s probably right. Ariana says Tom has been in the same apartment for years, and it’s getting old. She’s okay with the house thing, but never wants to get married, which she views as surrendering to some societal thing. Tom says married or not, she’s the one for him.

Lala goes on a hike with friends Tiffany and Ellie. She says they’re like her sisters. She tells them she hasn’t done anything to anyone, but the girls have been attacking her about her relationship. They all agree on what they would do for a Range Rover. Ellie tells Lala about James getting fired for being drunk all the time. Lala says he was her one friend at work, and now work is going to be tougher. She tells them about GG and James screaming at each other. Ellie tells them that she hooked up with James a month ago and he denies it. Lala says James and his girlfriend just celebrated six months together, but Ellie brings up a picture on her phone. She kept it because James had told her that hooking up with her was meaningless and he had a girlfriend. She sends the picture to Lala.

Some of the gang get together for drinks. Schwartz says the wedding is starting to remind him of the bus from Speed. Tom asks Jax what happened between him and James. Jax says James’s stepping out with GG has given him something to poke James with. Tom says he feels badly for James letting Jax get to him. Tom tells them that James got fired. Jax is thrilled and now believes there’s a God Who loves us. He wants to celebrate. I don’t know why, but it never ceases to surprise me how immature most of the cast members are, and how much further along my friends and I were at their age. Tom says James literally has nothing, and Jax says he deserves it. In his interview, Jax makes fun of James DJing at Applebee’s.

Jax immediately relays the information to the rest of the group. He’s annoyed that Tom and Ariana criticized him for provoking James. Kristen, Ariana and Scheana discuss Kristen’s new veneers. Kristen gloats about James. Ariana brings up all the guys that Kristen has punched in the face. Kristen says she’ll assault James hardcore if he shows up at the wedding. Ooh, thug life.

Peter brings in a box of new shirts for the SUR guys. Scheana is jonesing for new dresses. She thinks they should wear the shirts instead. She puts one on and it does look cute as a dress. Ariana tells Scheana about Ellie showing the James photo around. Scheana says she thought Ellie had higher standards and James is a new low.

Commercial break. Oddly enough it’s for a Range Rover. I could think of a million different jokes.

Scheana meets Ellie for coffee. Ellie had thought James was joking when he said he was dating someone, and she says we’re all allowed to make mistakes. She talks about him telling her afterwards that it didn’t mean anything and she decided to take a picture in case she needed it. Okay… Scheana says she can understand wanting back-up in case James calls her a liar. I swear, I wouldn’t even date if I was single right now.

Scheana asks if she’s met Lala’s married boyfriend. Ellie acts shady, so Scheana thinks that’s a yes. Scheana says Lala is dishonest and can’t be trusted. She thinks it’s f-ed up and isn’t’ going to end well. Probably.

Katie has to check out Porsches for Lisa. Every year Lisa gets a new summer car, and wants Katie to send her pictures since she’s too busy to go herself. I’m not much of a car person, but I do like a Porsche. They’re about 175K or four grand a month. Katie and Schwartz take one for a test spin. Tom suggests they get a Porsche instead of having the wedding, but Katie says it’s non-negotiable. She thinks Schwartz is being mean, and he says he’s just joking. For what my two cents is worth, I think he’s often insensitive, but she seems to have no sense of humor. She makes a way bigger deal of it than it is. In his interview, Schwartz says she keeps saying she’s going to change, but it’s not happening. He tells her she’s lost control of her emotions, and she says he’s being insensitive. She accuses him of his d*ck not working right, and he says it works fine. How did we get here???

Stassi tells Kristen that Scheana is on her way with good gossip. Kristen misses having Stassi as a roommate, and lures her over with food and alcohol. Works for me. Scheana immediately tells them about James and Ellie dating. In her interview, Kristen says she upgraded, while James keeps going down the totem pole. Scheana tells them about the photo. She moves on to Ellie confirming that Lala has a married boyfriend, which wasn’t really a confirmation, so she embellishes. Stassi says they’ve gotten the information from several independent sources who don’t know one another. Stassi tells them that there’s also a sex tape out there, and in her interview, she does a PSA, telling women to stop taping themselves. Kristen calls Lala skank trash. Honestly, you’d think they were all hillbillies. Come to think of it, The Beverly Hillbillies didn’t act like this.

Lisa takes Katie shopping for restaurant plants. They’re going to hang succulents in little glass planters and I adore this idea. Lisa says they get stuff from the flower market once a week. Katie tells Lisa about Schwartz not hearing her, and getting defensive when it’s unnecessary. Lisa tells her to choose her battles. In her interview, Lisa sees problems up ahead. They get a bunch of gorgeous potted floral plants.

Lala visits James bearing champagne. She asks about him getting fired. She asks if it had anyting to do with GG, but he says no. He says there’s only so much cake to go around. Bleh. She asks if he has something to tell her about Ellie. He’s like, what? Lala says she has a picture of them together in bed in March. He denies it, and she shows him. He says he has nothing to worry about – that was so last year – and claims she photoshopped it. Lala tells him to quit raising his voice and says that’s how he ruins friendships. He says she ruins friendships too. Lala tells him that she’s heard a lot about him, and he says he’s heard she’s dating a married man. She says her boyfriend isn’t married. He asks why she’s being secretive, and he says she hasn’t told one person. He’s vague about wanting to be there for her.

Next time, the new dresses come in, Ariana tells Tom to quit stealing her thunder, and Orlando protests and sadness.

🔊 Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce starts Wednesday,  January 11 at 10 pm. I like Odd Mom Out better, but this show is good too.

❄ ☕Timber Creek Lodge is also back on Bravo (following Vanderpump Rules). The show has been rebooted and the previous cast just booted. Hopefully, this time they’ll take a page from Below Deck‘s book and learn how to actually give guests the five-star treatment. First up is a bachelor party.