What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)
General Hospital
Yuri says he’ll put Tracy’s bags in the car, calling her Miss Quartermaine. She tells him to call her Tracy, and he says, of course (🍷). He leaves with the bags, and Olivia asks if Tracy is planning an escape, but Tracy says she’s going to take care of something she should have done a while ago.
Eddie/Ned works on his song, when Lois walks in. He puts his guitar down and mumbles about moving the chords. Lois asks if anyone ever told him that if he keeps making that face, it will freeze like that. He says, what? and she says, he’s obsessed. He’s cooped up in here. He’s moping around, playing that damn song over and over again. Go take a break. Go get some air. Go hang with the kid. The song isn’t going anywhere. He says he can’t take a break. Not when he’s this close. He has to finish it. She rolls her eyes.
Brook knocks on Maxie’s office door and asks if she has a minute. Sasha is there, and Maxie says, they’re in the middle of a meeting. Brook says, Sasha is back, and Sasha says, in the flesh. Maxie says, yeah, Sasha’s back, but Brook’s not.
On the phone at Aurora, Michael says, they have to up their game. Their production values are mediocre at best. There’s got to be some hidden talent at ESPN or one of the networks, itching for a chance to shine. Just find it. He goes into his office, and Carly and Drew are there. He says, they’ll touch base later, and tells Drew that he can’t believe it, hugging him. Drew says, it’s good to see him too.
Chase sees Austin at the hospital, and says, just the person he was looking for. Austin says he was on his way out to run an errand, and Chase says he’s glad he caught him. He just needs a few minutes of Austin’s time. Austin asks, why? and Chase says he’d like to ask Austin a question about his cousin Mason Gatlin. Austin flashes back to trying to smother Mason in his hospital bed.
Ava shows up at Sonny’s penthouse, and he says, it’s not a good time. She says she understands that, but it’s her life they’re talking about here. Has there been any word from Brick about Nikolas? He says, forget Nikolas. He’s the least of her problems. She asks what that means, and he says, she’s in bed with the enemy. And the worst part about it? She doesn’t even know it.
Olivia says, whatever it is, Tracy is going to miss a very nice going-away party for Lois, and Tracy says she’s sorry she’s going to miss seeing the back of Lois, but she has more pressing matters to attend to. She seems distracted, almost sad, and Olivia says, now she’s just being mysterious. What’s up? Tracy says she’s going to Amsterdam. Bobbie is going to help her sort out Luke’s affairs.
Eddie says, this song is a brick wall, and Lois says, maybe it’s time to move on to some different material, but he says, no. He can’t do that. He’s got to finish this. She says, stubborn as ever. Classic Quartermaine. He looks at her, and she says she’s sorry. That’s right. He’s not a Quartermaine. There was this time he had to come up with a B-side last minute, Lay in My Arms. That’s the song they ended up playing on the radio. He says he doesn’t remember that. Did it get any airplay? She says, number seven, College Media Journal, and he smiles and says, oh. She says, see? He doesn’t mind taking a stroll down Memory Lane if it’s about a hit song. Isn’t he even curious about the rest? He asks what she means, and she says, that Ned Quartermaine isn’t just a name. That Leo and everyone else who loves him really loved Ned.
Brook says she had no intention of coming back to Deception. She just wanted to see Maxie, and running into Sasha is just a bonus. She tells Sasha that she looks great, and Sasha thanks her, but Maxie says, this is not a good time. Sasha says she and Maxie were just discussing a new Face of Deception campaign… Maxie says, remember their privacy policy, and Brook says, if she wanted information about the company, she could just go to Tracy. She is the majority owner. Maxie says, thanks to Brook betraying their trust and spying on them, and Brook says, because Tracy was blackmailing her. Maxie says, there’s always some excuse with her, and Brook says she’s already apologized and she’s happy to do it again, but Maxie says, forget it. Unless she has some sort of time machine. Brook says, and if she did, Maxie would come right along with her for the ride after all the crap… Maxie says, she’s talking about the very distant past, but Brook says, not so distant. Sasha says, stop it, both of them. All this fighting is pointless. Can’t they see that they both miss each other?
Ava assumes Sonny is talking about Austin, and Sonny asks how much her new boyfriend has told her about his boss. She says, Austin is not her boyfriend. Maybe they got a little closer, but they’re not romantically involved at all. He says, really? No feelings? Nothing? He thought maybe they had a thing going since she’s so blind to Austin’s new role in her abduction.
Leading Chase into his office, Austin says, whatever this is, could they get it over quickly, please, because he’s really a little pressed for time. Chase says, quick question. Does he have any idea why his cousin would want to abduct Ava Jerome? Austin says, no idea. Chase probably knows this, but he’s already been over this once with another detective. Chase says, right, but the only common factor between his cousin and Ava is Austin. He figured Austin would want to open up to him considering their past. He’s just trying to tie up a few loose ends around here. Austin says, he and his cousin aren’t really that close. The only reason he tolerates Mason at all is out of some misguided sense of family loyalty. Chase says, but he’s been here at the hospital with Austin several times, and Austin says, sure, but telling him his plans to kidnap Ava, their chats don’t run that deep. Their worlds don’t intersect at all. Austin is a medical professional and Mason… he’s a kidnapper apparently. He feels like they’re done here. He opens the door and says, if Chase has any other questions for him, he’ll ask that Chase goes through his lawyer.
Drew says, Scout told him that she wants to take crossbow lessons. She’s all about Katniss now, but blink and you miss it. Michael says, exactly. They have their whole lives mapped out until the next day when they’re on to the next thing. Carly says, Drew’s only one step away from Scout wanting to take archery classes, and Drew says, at least her tastes haven’t changed when they went for Kelly’s pancakes this morning. Then they stopped and said thanks to Alexis. Michael says, it’s so great to have Drew back with them. He knows Alexis played her part, but his mom is the force behind Drew’s release. Carly protests, but Michael says, she’s the one who got leverage over Judge Kim. She says she was just grasping at straws. They were all doing whatever they could. Drew says, that might be so, but one of the things that kept him going in Pentenville – sometimes, the only thing – was knowing that she was out here, and she was fighting for him. She says she’ll never stop fighting for him, and hugs him. She says she can’t believe he’s home. It’s almost unbelievable. He says, she’s got to believe it. Now they’re going to put everything else behind them. They’ve got a lot of time to make up for. She says, that’s easier said than done. Someone turned them in to the SEC. She wants to know exactly who and why. Michael bites his tongue.
Sasha says, there’s a big difference between a mistake and a bad choice, and a betrayal, and tells Brook, spying for Tracy wasn’t right. Maxie tells Brook that she couldn’t have said it better, and Sasha says, if Maxie is ever in trouble, Brook would have her back, no questions asked. Recently, she’s had to learn that real friends, people who may not be perfect, but who truly, genuinely care, are not the same as the ones who are too selfish or hurt to show genuine concern. Now that’s not either of them, is it? Honestly, it just makes her so sad to see them both toss away a friendship they both cherish and need. Brook says, when Sasha’s right, she’s right, and Maxie says, okay, fine. She misses Brook. Brook says she misses Maxie more, and Maxie says, she probably does. Brook laughs, and Maxie says, all right, so why is Brook here? Brook says she cares about Georgie and Charlotte, and Maxie says, she has no idea. Sam dropped Georgie off, and all they knew was that Charlotte was missing and Jake went after her. And there was a shooting at her old apartment. None of it makes any sense. Brook asks how Georgie is doing, and Maxie says, she’s understandably in shock. She feels guilty, like she could have done something. Brook says, poor baby, and Maxie says she and Spinelli spent the whole night with her. He found a grief counselor for her, which is where they are now. Sam and Elizabeth are doing the same thing with their kids. They have a group text going. Brook holds out her hand and Maxie takes it. Sasha smiles.
Olivia says she’s so glad Tracy will have Bobbie there with her, while the rest of us are a little uncomfortable since Jackie Zeman passed away in the spring. Tracy says, it will be a welcome distraction from mourning Luke alone, and Olivia says she’s sure Bobbie feels exactly the same way. With Tracy gone and Monica not in the house and Lois going back to Bensonhurst, this place is going to be really quiet. Tracy says, perfect. Maybe in all that silence, Olivia will find the will to restore some normalcy to this house. Olivia says, Tracy… but Tracy says, no. Ned’s little fantasy is wearing thin, really thin.
Lois says, Eddie’s been hanging around the Qs for a while now. Aside from Tracy, who never misses a chance to talk about having wants him committed, the family’s had his back. He agrees, and she says, so he can’t go the extra mile and help them out a little bit? No. Because he’s got writer’s block. He starts to disagree, and she says, come on. That’s writer’s block. It’s indulgence. He told her that Sonny is willing to put out his album. What album? He has half a song. Without songs, you’ve got no album. Without an album, you’ve got no tour. Without a tour, there is no Eddie Maine. So ditch the siren and move on. He says he can’t just do that. This is something he really needs to follow through. She says, okay. So when she was working on the Free Radicals second album, they hit a serious sophomore slump, and they decided to turn it into a logic puzzle. She loves logic; it’s math. Here’s the puzzle. Pinpoint the problem, figure out where you’re at, and decide where you want to go. So Eddie, where do you want to go?
Lois tells Eddie that he’s doing it all wrong. He’s working from the outside, in. Music comes from the inside, out. He asks what she means, and she says, his song. What’s the problem? With the song. He says, the problem is, he can’t finish the lyrics, and holds up a sheet of paper. She says, forget about the lyrics, crumpling the paper and throwing it in the fireplace. He says, whoa, wait a minute, but she says she doesn’t want to wait. He’s got to write what he knows. So what is he afraid of? What is his problem? He says he’s afraid he’ll never find the girl… the character in the song. He knows that she’s out there, but he can’t see her – the siren. She says, so he’s looking for something he can’t see… like the prince in Cinderella. Except he has the glass slipper. So what does Eddie have? He says, just a voice calling out from the distance, and she says, then it’s simple. He has to go find the voice. That’s the where-you’re-at part. Remember? Pinpoint the problem, figure out where you’re at, decide where you want to go. He says, so… where does he want to go? and Lois says, she’s a siren, right? So he’s got to go in the water. He’s got to dive right in. It’s the only way he’s going to find the girl with the voice. Anyone could tell him that.
Tracy tells Olivia, this is ridiculous. Eddie lounges around all day with his guitar, like he’s some college kid on summer break. It’s depressing, especially for Leo. And nobody’s running ELQ, Look, she knows Olivia doesn’t want to have him committed, but he has to talk to somebody. Olivia says, they’ve been over this and over this. She’s very sorry Tracy is about to take a very difficult trip, but this situation with Eddie isn’t as simple as she’s making it sound. She saw Tracy at Eddie’s concert. Tracy saw him up on that stage. He was completely in his element. Maybe Doc is right. They just have to let this whole thing unfold naturally. Tracy says, there is nothing natural about Ned living in his own private wonderland, waiting for cosmic messages from the Cheshire Cat. Word to the wise. Keep her eye on Lois. She doesn’t trust that woman. Olivia says, Tracy is living in the 1960s in some kind of Valley of the Dolls novel. Tracy says, try the 1560s; it’s the oldest story in the book. Olivia covers her ears and says she’s not hearing this. She’s going to look for Tracy’s son. Have a safe trip. Brook walks in, and Tracy tells Olivia to look in the lounge. He’s probably watching cartoons. Brook asks if she missed the memo about Tense Tuesday.
On the phone, Maxie thanks Spinelli for letting her know. Tell Georgie to call her if she wants to, but only if she wants to… Yeah. What’s fine with him is fine with her. Just keep her posted. She tells Sasha, Georgie wants to spend tonight with Spinelli. Maxie thinks she’s just avoiding James. Sasha says, Maxie is handling this so well. She’d be a wreck. Maxie says, what else can she do? She’s connecting with Spinelli on this. She could force the issue just to let Georgie know she’s here for her, but Georgie will tell Maxie about her boundaries. Sasha says, if Maxie wants to head out, she’ll completely understand, and Maxie says, maybe that’s a good idea. She’ll respect Georgie’s boundaries another time. Maxie’s phone rings, she looks at it, and says, really? She answers, Maxie Jones… Yes. Of course (🍷) we’re interested… He’s available right now? As in like, now now?
Ava tells Sonny, don’t be ridiculous. Austin is not responsible for what his cousin did. Mason was just following orders from his mysterious boss. Sonny says, his boss is Cyrus Renault, and she asks how that’s possible. He says, you’ve got to look at the timeline. Betty steals the information he planted, hands it to Austin, Austin goes to Pentenville and gives it to somebody – he doesn’t know who, but he’s got a lot of enemies in prison. She says, he told her that he thought maybe it was with that Novak cousin, and he says, it could have been, but here’s the thing. Austin shows up at Cyrus’s early release hearing, saying that in his professional opinion, Cyrus is too sick and weak to threaten anyone. Now does she think it’s a coincidence that at the same time Austin’s at that hearing, Mason is holding her hostage?
Chase goes into Mason’s room and says, he’s still under arrest with the right to remain silent, however, if Mason wishes to cooperate, he has a few questions. Mason says, what else is there to do? It’s not like he’s going anywhere. Ask away. Chase says he’ll try to make it brief, but Mason says he’s got all the time in the world. Chase asks why he kidnapped Ava Jerome.
In the hallway, Austin looks in the window of Mason’s room and sees Chase talking to him.
Drew tells Carly, it’s got to be Ned. There’s nobody out there with a grudge who would target them. Ned had the only obvious motive to turn them in to the SEC and get him away from ELQ. Michael looks like he’s going to turn inside out, and Carly says, but he can’t confirm or deny because he has no memory. Drew says, he still hasn’t recovered? and she says, no, and it’s been really hard on Olivia. Drew says, well, then he doesn’t want to add to her troubles by accusing Ned of something he can’t even remember doing. Especially since this is all behind them now, and he wants to move forward. Michael says, what if it wasn’t Ned?
Lois says, Eddie has to put himself in the character in the song. Then he has to dive right in. It’s the only way he’s going to find this siren chick. He’s got to take a leap of faith. He says, she might be on to something, and picks up his guitar. He says he’ll be at the boathouse, and jets, grabbing his jacket on the way out. Lois sighs and rolls her eyes.
Tracy says, Brook. Somebody sane at last. Brook asks, what’s with Yuri and the car? Is he packing Tracy’s stuff? Tracy says, yeah. She’s going out of town, and maybe while she’s gone, Brook can help pull this family out of its downward spiral. Brook says, she sees. Running away again and leaving them to hold the bag. What’s the occasion this time, a riverboat cruise? Or maybe jet-setting with pretend billionaires? Tracy says she’s going to Amsterdam to close out Luke’s affairs with Bobbie Spencer.
Sonny says, connect the dots, and Ava says, he’s implying that Cyrus Renault had Mason hold her hostage to force Austin to testify on his behalf. He says, that is the picture, and she says, well, then Austin was just doing it to protect her, right? He says, probably, but he put her in the crosshairs. Never told Ava to watch her back. Did he tell her that he was going to testify for Cyrus? She says, no, he didn’t, and Sonny asks if he told her anything about him and Mason being in Cyrus’s pocket. She says, no, he didn’t, and Sonny says he guesses Austin doesn’t trust her very much, does he? And whatever Austin claims to feel for her, his first loyalty is Cyrus Renault, and that trumps everything.
Chase says, the cards aren’t in Mason’s favor. The proof has Mason looking at two decades without parole. Mason’s only hope of reducing his sentence is to tell them who’s pulling the strings. Mason says he guesses they’d better cut him a deal then. The sooner he gets a deal, the sooner he walks free. And a whole lot sooner than that, maybe he opens up about who’s running things. Chase says, fine. He’ll see what he can do. He leaves, passing Austin who’s skulking around the corner.
On the phone with her mother, Lois says, some things never change with the Quartermaines. Tracy is still a piece of work. Ugh… No, Brook is amazing… Olivia walks in, and Lois says, wait until she meets him. He is such a hunk… No. Ned is just going through a thing… She sees Olivia and says she needs to go… No. She’ll call later. She has to go. She hangs up, and Olivia says, Gloria? Lois says, the one and only. She was just filling her in on the Quartermaine circus. Olivia says, three rings. Now with even more juggling, and Lois says, she just missed Ned. Olivia asks, how is her… She doesn’t know what to call him. Her husband? Lois says, whatever he is, he’s lost in that song. But she thinks deep down inside, Quartermaine is trying to come out. Olivia asks if she really thinks so, and Lois says she does. And she thinks Olivia is doing the right thing, giving him space. She thinks that’s what Eddie needs. Olivia says, there is such a thing as too much space. Like just enough space for someone else to slip right in.
Lois says, Tracy? and Olivia says, what? Lois asks how long they’ve known each other. Let her remind Olivia; Sister Monica’s third grade class. Olivia says, don’t remind her of the woman and her rulers, and Lois says she will remind Olivia how many times they sat in detention together. She’s not here to slip into anything with Olivia’s husband. Olivia says she knows, and Lois tells her that she will say, she thinks it’s all part of God’s plan that she got here when she did, because this place is a mess, and she thinks she’s here to set some things straight. Olivia says, Lois is starting to sound like Tracy, and Lois gasps. She tells Olivia, take that back, and Olivia says, Tracy is demanding she force him to go for therapy that he doesn’t want. Lois says she doesn’t know anything about that. All she does know is, he could probably use a friendly face. Olivia asks if something happened, and Lois says, he’s been spinning out all day about that stupid song. Olivia says she knows. It seems like he’s possessed or something. Lois says, maybe Olivia, his wife, can go lift his spirits. He’s writing in the boathouse. And don’t let Tracy in her head. She likes playing games. She kisses Olivia on the cheek, and leaves.
Brook says she didn’t realize, and Tracy says, apology accepted. And maybe while she’s gone, Brook will consider her offer. Brook says she thought they settled that, and Tracy tells Brook, she heard what Brook said, but she has no interest in taking away Brook’s agency. But she can have her cake and eat it too. Brook suggests they not get into it before Tracy takes off. She told Tracy that she wants to focus on her music and really give it a good go. It’s her passion, and besides, she doesn’t want to get involved with Tracy’s old vendetta against Lucy Coe. Lois almost walks in, but stops, and Tracy says, Lucy Coe is already taken care of, and Deception is wide open for Brook to run however she wants. It’s her gift to Brook. Brook says, running Deception is a hard no. Lois comes in and tells Brook not to be so quick to turn down her grandmother’s offer. Tracy says, will wonders never cease. Even someone damaged by years of nail polish fumes can recognize a good plan.
Maxie says, this is wrong on so many levels, but Sasha says she disagrees. It’s synchronicity. Maxie says she didn’t think it through. She shouldn’t have said yes. Sasha says, she didn’t have time to think. This has been on Maxie’s vision board for as long as Sasha’s known her. Maxie says, yeah, but the timing is bad, and Sasha asks, how? Georgie is with Spinelli. She specifically wanted time to herself to process what she’s been through. The timing couldn’t be better… Unless It’s not only Georgie Maxie is worried about. Maxie says, not at all. It’s just going to be too difficult to pull this together quickly. She let her excitement take over. Sasha says, a photographer like Salvador is busy around the clock. He only became available because another project fell through. He’s not going to wait for them to be ready. Maxie says, there are other photographers, and Sasha says she saw Maxie’s face when that call came through. Maxie has been wanting to book Salvador for as long as Sasha’s known her. Maxie says, yeah… and Sasha says, and she’s had an idea for the spring campaign since before the lawsuit. So the only reason not to do the shoot is if she doesn’t think Sasha is up to it.
Carly asks what Michael is talking about. He was the first one to accuse Ned. Michael says he was. They all jumped to that conclusion, right? They tried to fit the facts to their assumptions, but what if the leak had nothing to do with Drew’s ties to ELQ and Carly was the target, and Drew just ended up being collateral damage? Carly says, that was Diane’s theory. Diane thought the FBI was coming after her just to get to Sonny. Maybe Diane’s right. Unfortunately, she’s the one who gave them ammunition by trying to cut corners with the ELQ merger. Drew suggests they just press pause and leave it alone, and Carly asks what he’s talking about. After everything Drew went through and after what happened to him in Pentenville… Drew says, nothing is going to undo it. Let’s just leave it behind. Please, both of them. Stop trying to figure out who set this all in motion because it’s not going to help anyone. Carly says, okay. If that’s what he wants, that’s what they’ll do. She hugs him and he thanks her. Michael looks all kinds of disappointed.
Eddie goes to the boathouse and sits down to play. He sighs, and flashes back to Lois telling him that he has to dive right in. He’s got to take a leap of faith. He starts to play again and pauses, hearing the song of the siren.
Ava tells Sonny that she was desperate. She was struggling to hide Nikolas’s body, and suddenly, there was Austin. He told her that he would help her. She believed him. She trusted him. Then out of nowhere, Mason showed up. He said he had Nikolas’s body. How is that even possible? Right? But Austin told her that it would be okay. Everything would be okay if she just did what Mason told her to do. And he kept telling her over and over again that his boss isn’t somebody who should be crossed, but he never told her who that boss was. And now Laura’s come back with proof that Nikolas is alive. If that’s true – and she really hopes it is true – Mason’s been lying the whole time. Ava flashes back to asking if Austin knew Nikolas was alive and Austin saying he had no idea. That’s why he did everything Mason asked him to do, to protect her. He had no idea Nikolas was alive. She tells Sonny, then Austin’s probably been lying too. Sonny says, she’s smarter than this. It’s time to admit Austin’s been playing her from the start.
Austin goes into Mason’s room, and Mason asks if Austin brought his lollypop. Austin asks what Mason told Detective Chase, and Mason says, a doctor without lollypops. Austin says, tell him what he said to Detective Chase, and Mason says, Chase was really rough on him. Chase forced it out of him. He had to tell him everything. He told him that he did it all for Austin, so he’d better start running. Austin says, there’s no way Mason just incriminated him, and Mason says, not yet. He has to make sure he gets a deal first. Austin says, the only deal Mason should be making is the one where he gives up Cyrus, and Mason says, suicide? That might be Austin’s way out, but it’s not his. Go ahead. Austin can give up Cyrus if he wants to. Chase comes back and sees Austin talking to Mason through the door window.
The siren continues to call Eddie. He puts his guitar down and looks out over the water.
Brook says, not Lois too. She doesn’t want Tracy’s gift. Lois says, don’t be so hasty, and Tracy says she’s so sorry Lois isn’t going to be around to talk some sense into her daughter. She did hear Lois was leaving. And she’s also sorry that she won’t be able to join the angry villagers running her out of town. Lois says, yeah. It is a shame. It’s going to be quite a party. Of course (🍷) if Tracy was there, her broom might catch fire, and someone might try to be a hero and throw water on it and Tracy would melt.
Yuri comes in and tells Tracy, the car is ready and it seems time to go. Tracy thanks him, and Brook hugs her. She says she’ll be thinking of Tracy, and Tracy nods to Lois and leaves.
Eddie continues to hear the call of the siren. He takes off his jacket and shoes, and jumps into the water.
Maxie says, Sasha’s been through a hideous ordeal; something that would have broken most people. She’s still piecing her life together, and Maxie doesn’t want to throw her into the deep end before she’s had time to relax and float. Sasha says, the only way she’ll know if she can handle a photoshoot, or any challenge for that matter, is by doing it. So will Maxie trust her? Maxie says she definitely trusts Sasha, and Sasha thanks her, but Maxie says, no, thank you. She thanks Sasha for holding her hand this entire day; first with Brook, then with Georgie. Now with Salvador? She can’t believe it. Are they really doing this? Sasha says, they are, and Maxie says, they have to get things together. She dashes out the door.
Olivia looks for Eddie by the boathouse and calls his name. She sees his guitar leaning against the bench, and his shoes in front of it. She looks inside, but the boathouse is empty. She comes back out and finds his coat on one of the chairs. She looks out over the water, worried.
Tomorrow, Lois tells Brook, say the word, and she’ll stay exactly where she is; Spencer asks how Laura could do this; Charlotte wants to tell someone what happened; and Olivia asks if Eddie can hear her.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
We revisit the fabulous hotel that will no doubt be wasted on this bunch. They have a room service meal, but Garcelle says she doesn’t want to eat; she wants to meet men. And she wants to do an intervention on how they date. Everyone looks at Sutton. Sutton says, when Garcelle goes on a first date, she can talk about Sutton not getting a second date. After a particularly good date, she invited him to an ABT black tie gala, and didn’t hear from him again. In Sutton’s interview, she says, they had dinner, she invited him back to her house, they played backgammon and had a nice conversation, and she never heard from him again. Dorit suggests not following up with flying across the globe, and in her interview, she says, that’s not the right thing to do. How would she feel if a man invited… She realizes the only thing wrong is her, and says, if the roles were reversed and it was a man extending the invitation, it would be sexy. They laugh over Sutton showing off her triceps in a text, and in Garcelle’s interview, she says, Sutton’s got no game, and in Dorit’s interview, she says, How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days 2, starring Sutton Stracke. Kyle FaceTimes the guy and hangs up. You know, like you do at sleepovers when you’re 13. In Sutton’s interview, she wonders why she gives her phone to Kyle. She’s dangerous. We flash back to them doing that another time, and Kyle says, Sutton is smart, beautiful, fun, and funny. If they don’t respond, tell them f*** off. It’s their loss. Garcelle suggests they take a break in their rooms, then get ready to meet for Magic Mike and dinner.
Sutton can’t find her white pants, and texts Avi. He comes in, and she says he must want to die today, but he immediately finds the pants so there’s no public hanging. In Garcelle’s interview, she says she hopes he gets paid a lot of money. Sutton says she prefers unpacking herself since she likes complete control. She tells Avi to save himself, and he runs. Dorit thinks she and Kyle are the only ones who didn’t bring a glam team, and Erika tells hers that they’re going to Magic Mike. They’re getting homegirl Crystal on stage. In Sutton’s interview, she says, when she goes out, she likes to carry Ocean Spray grapefruit juice. Beyonce carries hot sauce; she carries Ocean Spray. Southern girls know what they like. They get ready, and Garcelle wears the shortest dress ever. Trying to get everyone to move along, Sutton says, it’s like herding cats. They meet at the bar, and Sutton says she doesn’t like wearing pants. We flash back to the private jet and Erika telling them to wear pants if they want to be on stage. Sutton asks if anyone remembers dollar bills, flashing a stack of them, and Erika says, don’t let her touch any money or the IRS will say she owes it to them. Okay. That’s funny.
They walk through the Sahara and a VIP rep meets them. Erika says, they need drinks and men, and in her interview, she says, this is her contribution to Crystal’s birthday party. We see a clip of her telling assistant Mikey that she’d love for all the girls to get on stage. She says she knows most of the dancers, and Mikey’s partner is in the show. They sit in the front and in Erika’s interview, she says, Crystal needs to get out of her shell. It’s her f***ing birthday. They’re going to make this girl have some fun. There are stupid jokes about getting wet from the warm-up act, and the dudes come out, gyrating all over the place. Sutton wonders why she’s into this, and yells, we wore pants! The guys dance, and I critique in my head, since they’re not exactly in sync. There’s lots of cheering, so I guess synchronization doesn’t matter. One guy gets nakey, holding a cowboy hat over his junk. They make Crystal go up on stage, and in Garcelle’s interview, she says, his body’s amazing, and so close to her. It feels good letting their hair down. Sutton shrinks into the corner, and Erika joins Crystal on stage. Sutton says she wore pants for nothing, and Erika and Crystal get lap dances. Erika shows off, doing some exotic dancing of her own, and in Crystal’s interview, she says, jumping on one of these hot guys, maybe she can turn 40 every year. Erika lies down on the stage and spreads her legs, the dancer putting his face between them. In Erika’s interview, a producer asks if Tom had moves like that, and Erika says, Tom had other moves that landed her in hot water, but not moves like this. In her interview, Garcelle thinks Sutton’s feelings are hurt because she wasn’t the cool girl who was chosen. And she wore pants. Kyle tells Crystal that Sutton says she’s leaving, and Dorit says, that’s not okay. As Sutton goes to the lobby, she says she’s on the Board of the American Ballet Foundation and doesn’t do that sh*t.
The way Erika presented it, it did sound like everyone would get a chance to be on stage. And whether it was up to Erika or not, she should have insisted the others go up before she did. I’m also not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but geez. It wasn’t her show.
It’s all kind of stupid, and in Dorit’s interview, she says, here we go again. Sutton always has to make herself the center of attention. She can’t help herself. Garcelle follows Sutton out and finds her in the lady’s room. Sutton says she’s pissed. Kyle tells Erika that Sutton is upset, but she’s not sure why. Garcelle wonders what happened. They were having a good time at a fun show. Sutton says, until she saw her two friends with their legs wide open, and a man’s face in one’s crotch. She’s on the Board of the American Ballet Foundation, and doesn’t have friends who get onstage and have men’s faces in their crotches. On stage, a dude puts whipped cream on Kyle’s legs and licks it off. Blech. Sutton tells Garcelle that she lives by a different standard for herself. Kyle joins them and asks, what’s wrong? Sutton says she didn’t like it, and Kyle says, Sutton really wouldn’t have liked what just happened. She had whipped cream licked off her. We see a clip of the dancer now licking it off Kyle’s cleavage, and Sutton says, that’s fine. It’s silly and stupid, but spreading your legs isn’t. In her interview, Garcelle doesn’t see why Sutton is so wound up. Even for her, it’s extreme. Kyle thinks Sutton is upset because the attention wasn’t on her. She didn’t get to dance with a naked man. This is starting to sound like some Bizarro World kid’s birthday party. Sutton says, it has nothing to do with that and nothing to do with the pants. We flash back to Sutton bitching about her pants, and Kyle says she’s pretty sure it had something to do with the pants. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, this is not normal. They were having a great time, then Sutton’s freaking in the bathroom and yelling in the lobby. Hurricane Sutton is here. Sutton says, blah-blah-blah her brand, and Kyle says, Sutton did not just say that. Sutton says she’s not blaming the pants. She was uncomfortable about the whole thing. Call her a prude, but she wears a kitty sweater on the first date. That’s who she is. Kyle feels her reaction is a little excessive, and Sutton suggests Kyle not follow her. Kyle says she was actually just going to the bathroom (did she take a wrong turn?), and Sutton says, then shut up. Kyle says, don’t be a bitch, and Sutton tells her not to say her reaction is excessive. She just went to the bathroom. In Kyle’s interview, she says, Sutton brought money to put in their pants. She’s not buying it; sorry. She’s never seen a personality switch so fast. Sutton says she never made it a big deal, and Kyle texts Crystal, who might have been able to ignore the whole thing and just have fun.
The show has moved on to acrobatics, which Erika and Dorit watch with rapt attention. Crystal says she’s got to go, but Erika says she’s here to see her friend. Sutton says, all she did was go to the restroom. They didn’t have to make a big deal. Kyle says she thinks it’s the pants, but Garcelle says, it’s about integrity. Kyle points out that Sutton mentioned her brand, and Sutton says, Kyle is a bitch and hits low. Here we are again. Kyle walked in on a conversation she didn’t hear. (Touché.) Kyle says, Sutton’s a bitch, and Garcelle says, there’s not enough tequila for tonight. I consider giving it another try if I have to hear the word pants again. Sutton ends up apologizing to Kyle for calling her a bitch, even though Kyle called her one first. Erika and Dorit talk to the dancers, and Dorit says, they were so brilliant. On the sprinter, Sutton says she’s trying to explain, so it doesn’t blow up, but Garcelle says, too late. And Erika’s not even here. In her interview, Garcelle says, because of Erika and Sutton’s history, it’s going to be WWIII. Get your popcorn ready. Erika approaches the sprinter and says, Sutton is sitting in there like Judge Judy.
Erika gets on the sprinter and asks, what’s going on? Dorit says, Sutton is offended, and Sutton says, it was the spread-eagle head in crotch. Erika says, he was her oldest dance partner forever, but Sutton says, it was too much. Erika says, they’re all adults and it was a good show. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, Erika is calm and collected, and doesn’t seem bothered at all. In Erika’s interview, she says she told them she gave up fighting with them for Lent. Dorit says, the dancers saw 80% of their group gone, and I think, isn’t that on them? In Dorit’s interview, she says, Sutton leaves in a huff and doesn’t come back. Miss Manners herself. Toughen up, buttercup. Hey, that kind of talk is reserved for Captain Lee. Sutton says she got upset seeing them, and Crystal asks how she feels at them not being upset. Dorit suggests their husbands wouldn’t care, and in Kyle’s interview, she says, Mau would never care. I just think, well… Sutton says she’s sorry she had a visceral reaction, and in Garcelle’s interview, she wonders how Sutton got her children. Did Sutton have a stork? They walk to a restaurant, Uhu, where they have dinner. No, make that… food porn! Garcelle says, it took a turn, and Sutton says she gets very passionate. She apologizes to Erika, who says, it’s all good. In Dorit’s interview, she says she doesn’t know who this Erika is. It’s not the one they’re used to. In Kyle’s interview, she says she was not expecting this reaction. Garcelle asks, what’s the plan? then wonders why she’s asking, since it’s her trip. She tells them that she’s having lunch with Oliver tomorrow, and Sutton says, Garcelle has had a lot of moments with her boys that she’s handled so well. We flash back to the Reunion where Garcelle talked about Oliver’s addiction, and a conversation between her and Oliver. Garcelle says, she tries, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t cry at night. Dorit says she knows Garcelle will give him wise words, comfort, and love. In her interview, Garcelle says she’s not comfortable talking about her kids because of last year. We flash back to Mauricio saying it’s great Erika told Jax to f*** off, and Garcelle says, she doesn’t trust it. She feels like she’s not in a safe place. Sutton struggles to eat a fish ball with chopsticks, and Kyle says she’s beginning to understand why there’s no second date. She’s not wrong.
They play a game where they have to answer questions off of cards, and the first one is, what is your favorite song to f*** to? Sutton chooses a country song by Cody Jinks, and in Kyle’s interview, she says she was expecting Sutton to say The Nutcracker. All the questions are about sex, as they always are. While they talk nipples, a line of guys come out carrying sparklers and Happy Birthday signs and some giant ice cream concoction. After this birthday dessert extravaganza, they go back to their rooms and get ready for bed. Garcelle desperately wants to sleep, but Sutton has to get the drapes just right. She asks if it’s okay if she reads, and Garcelle says, no problem. Sutton says she’s reading a book on tantric sex and could read out loud, but Garcelle says she doesn’t want to hear anything.
Kyle works out at 6 am, and in her interview, she says, the old her would never be going to the gym in Las Vegas. She would have been exhausted, hung over, and looking for room service. She thinks the new Las Vegas Kyle is annoying. Dorit wonders how miserable you have to be on a girl’s trip to Las Vegas to be working out. Is Kyle deliberately trying to torture herself? Dorit tells Erika that Kyle is living in extremes. In Dorit’s interview, she says she’s not getting up at 5:30 am for anything or anyone except her children, and on vacation, hell no. They sit on the giant sectional sofa, and Garcelle says she wants to share. When she was talking about Oliver, she felt disingenuous. What she wanted to say was, she doesn’t know if she trusts them when it comes to her family. They’ve said nice things, but she’s still a little iffy about them laughing at Jax. In Garcelle’s interview, she says, Kyle and Erika apologized – we flash back to those – and she can accept their apology, but it doesn’t mean she forgives them. It’s not about holding on to it, but she’s still in a space that’s vulnerable when it comes to her family. She tells the women that she feels like she still wants to protect her family from the group, and in Dorit’s interview, she says she thought their issues were resolved. They seemed okay. Now for Garcelle to feel she can’t trust Dorit around her kids is hurtful and it makes her angry. Even though that’s not what Garcelle said. Garcelle tells them that she and Jax are going through stuff, and they’d feel the same way. Dorit says, it’s been over a year, which shocks me because of her PTSD issues. Garcelle says, you can’t put a time limit on it, and Dorit says, after two years, you know if someone is good people. Garcelle says, Dorit is taking it wrong. She’s not saying Dorit is a bad person. Sutton says, if you get hurt, it might take time, and in her interview, she says she understands 100%. When you watch your husband making fun of a child and don’t do anything, you’re just as responsible. We flash back to PK making fun of the Jax situation, and in Garcelle’s interview, she says, Dorit is making her feel like she needs to apologize, she’s so hurt by how Garcelle feels. Dorit says she’s just sharing her feelings, and Garcelle says she doesn’t understand why they can’t understand. It’s not about Dorit being a mom. In her interview, Garcelle says she doesn’t think Dorit listens. She makes things personal where she’s the victim. Garcelle always walks away feeling like, what just happened? Garcelle leaves to shower, when no doubt they’ll discuss why she shouldn’t feel the way she feels.
Next time, Sutton rides a mechanical bull and might have found her cowboy; Dorit asks Kyle about her marriage; Erika insists on Sutton apologizing to her friend (more middle school sh*t!); and Kyle and Sutton clash.
🧂 You Put Salt In My Winter…
What happened on RHOSLC.
What happened on the wretched Winter House, where awful people from other shows have now been added to the awful people who were already there. Please note Kory in one of the worst outfits ever.
🎉 This Is The End…
Finally, we can get The Last Of Us back.
https://www.avclub.com/hollywood-stars-react-to-end-of-sag-aftra-strike-with-j-1851006187
🫛 Hiding The Green Beans…
Join me tomorrow for soap and dubious Charm. Until then, stay safe, stay not making things personal where you’re the victim, and stay turning problems into logic puzzles; pinpointing the problem, figuring out where you’re at, and deciding where you want to go.
What I Watched - TV With Theresa 