What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Jason visits Sam at Pentenville. He asks how she is, and she says, hanging in there. She asks how the kids are, and he says, good. They’re at Monica’s, but he’s spending the weekend with them at home; just the three of them. She’s glad he’s able to spend time with them. She wonders how her mom is taking it that she went with Diane’s legal strategy. Jason tells her that her mom is in the hospital.

Kendra visits Alexis at the hospital. Kendra says she’s glad Alexis is okay; she was worried. Alexis says she’s getting there. Finn is working on a prognosis. Kendra says she’s there to help; what does Alexis need? Alexis doesn’t want Kendra to neglect her other clients, but Kendra says she has a friend subbing for her. She feels like she owes Alexis, since maybe she pushed Alexis too hard and too fast. If she hadn’t been run down, she might have been able to fight her illness. Alexis says Kendra isn’t to blame for her being in the hospital.

Robert goes to see Cassandra, and she asks what this is about. She’s not talking to him without her attorney present. He says her attorney remains indisposed, and she asks why she should speak to him without legal representation. He says he’ll be perfectly happy to wait until Alexis’s health improves, but the offer he’s bringing her has an expiration date.

Hayden brings Violet over to Finn, and tells him that Violet has something she wanted to tell him. Violet thanks him for making her feel better, and he says she’s very welcome. She asks Hayden if she can go draw, and Hayden tells her to stay where she can be seen. Hayden wants to thank Finn too. She knows he’s still mad. He says that doesn’t begin to describe how he feels. She says she understands. They’ll work it out. He says, yeah; they will.

Elizabeth opens the door to find Kim, and asks what Kim is doing there. Kim says she wanted to give Elizabeth some space after the hearing, but they’re long overdue for this. Unless it’s Elizabeth punching Kim in the face, I can’t imagine what’s overdue.

At Oscar’s Meadow, Franco thanks Scotty for coming. He has something to tell Scotty. Scotty says he has something to tell Franco too. Franco says before Scotty says anything, he wants Scotty to hear it from him, not anyone else. He and Kim are leaving town.

There’s a knock at Jax’s door. Nikolas gets up, and hears Laura ask if Jax is there. She needs to talk to him. She almost leaves, and Nikolas touches the door. She turns back.

Sam asks Jason, what’s happening with her mom? He says Molly found her at home on Halloween. She was weak, dizzy, and nauseous. Finn is treating her. Sam asks, for what? What’s the prognosis? He says, they don’t know yet. Finn is still running tests.

Alexis tells Kendra that she has the best doctor at GH, scrambling to come up with whatever it is. She’s sure it’s nothing, and wants Kendra to stop with the guilt. Kendra says Alexis isn’t just a client. Over the two months they’ve known each other, she thinks of Alexis as a friend too. Alexis says, same there. Julian pops in, and asks if Alexis is up for another visitor. He has a huge bouquet, and Kendra says she’ll go find a vase. Alexis says, good job; he scared Kendra away. Julian says he was under the impression that Alexis wanted to be alone, but Alexis says he was mistaken. He gives her the flowers, saying he was sure her shrink would have brought some. She says Neil brought her a book on Russian aristocracy. Julian asks if they’ve figured out what’s wrong. She says, not yet, but Finn is on the job.

Hayden tells Finn that she spoke to Elizabeth, who says she and Violet are welcome to stay as long as they want. He asks how long that is, and she says until she finds a place to rent or buy. It’s important that Violet be in Port Charles with her mother and father. If he’s interested. Violet comes back, and asks if she can come visit Roxie. Finn says he’d like that very much, and Roxie will really like it. Hayden tells Violet, soon, and Violet says she’ll bring lettuce. Finn says, that’s Roxie’s favorite. He has to see a patient, and tells Violet to take care of herself. Violet says, okay, and they wave to each other as he leaves.

Cassandra tells Robert that she’ll have to decline any offer. The last she heard, his case was in jeopardy, since Sasha was exposed as a fraud. He laughs, and says, it’s embarrassing when your star witness is brought into question. His office is moving in another, more promising, direction. Alexis’s petition for Cassandra’s extradition to be delayed has been denied, so his office is now disinclined to want to pursue it. Sometime next week, Cassandra is going to be on a plane to the Hague. He’s not entirely helpless though. She says, he could have fooled her, but he says he can still pull some strings at the Bureau. He can get her a private cell, and an endless supply of hand sanitizer. She says, in exchange for what? and he asks who broke her out of WSB custody last year?

Laura asks if someone is there. Nikolas puts his hand on the doorknob, and she touches the door.

Kim tells Elizabeth that she wanted to check and see how she was doing. Despite the unpleasantness between them (unpleasantness? is that what she calls it?), she still considers Elizabeth a friend. Elizabeth can’t say the same. She’s been hurt too badly. Kim says she wants to try and make peace, and Elizabeth says, how? By showing up there, when Kim is responsible for her grief? Kim says she’s not doing this. Drew… Elizabeth says, Franco. Maybe Kim didn’t force him, but Kim slept with her husband. Yes, he’s still her husband. Until the divorce papers are signed, they’re still married, no matter who he thinks he is.

Scotty says being there must bring Franco closer to Oscar. He knows what it’s like, grieving a child you didn’t raise. Now that Franco has won the hearing, he can add him to the list. Franco says he didn’t realize Scotty had lost a child, and Scotty says, two. Franco says, sorry. He had no idea. Scotty says maybe that’s why he and Franco were so close. They both lived lives full of tragedy.

Kendra brings water for the flowers, and Alexis says, isn’t she the best? Julian says, she seems to be. Kendra asks how his face is, and he says, recovered. Alexis asks, what happened? and he says Kendra  witnessed an altercation between him and Kim at Charlie’s. Kim slapped him good. He’d disclosed personal information about her to Scotty.

Cassandra tells Robert, the last time she didn’t supply any information on the party who liberated her. What makes him think it’s different now? Robert says he doesn’t give a rat’s ass what happens to her when she gets to Steinmauer, but wants her to know, they sleep twenty to a room. Unless you have a private cell. She says why doesn’t he give her suggestions, and she’ll say yes or no. He says, Valentin, but she says he wouldn’t life a finger to help her. He says what about someone close to Valentin? Peter. She tells him that he’s barking up the wrong tree. He tells her to guide him to the right tree. She says she doesn’t want to talk until her attorney is present and a proper deal is on the table. He says the only deal she’s going to get, runs out at midnight.

Jax walks up behind Laura, startling her. She asks if someone is staying with him, but he says it’s just him; why? She says she thought she heard somebody inside. He tells her, if an intruder was there, his security system would be blowing up his phone with alerts, and it’s not. He assumes she came see him, and she says she did. She went to visit Ava. He asks how Ava is, and Laura says, there’s a lot to tell. Should they go in? Jax says he has nothing in his cupboards, and suggests he take Laura out for coffee. She says, that would be great. She looks at the door again before following him. Inside, Nikolas ponders.

Alexis wonders how Kendra got dragged into Julian’s drama, and he says he ran into her in the alley by Charlie’s. Finn walks in, and says, someone is popular. Alexis jokes that she needs some security for her room. Finn hates to spoil the fun, but has to run some tests. Julian and Kendra leave, and Alexis asks Finn to tell her that he found a miraculous diagnosis, and an even better cure. He says he wishes. He wants to redo the pressure test to check her pain levels. She asks if that isn’t below his pay grade, but he says, not when it comes to friends. He squeezes her palm, and asks if it’s better or worse. She says she’s ready, but he says he already started. She doesn’t feel anything? She says she feels him touching her, but doesn’t notice any pressure. He says, now? and presses again. She says, no. What’s happening to her?

Jason tells Sam, he should get word soon, and he’ll update her on Alexis. Sam hates not knowing what’s going on. That’s the worst part; that, and her cellmate, Cassandra Pierce. Jason says he’ll call Diane. Cassandra might have a grudge against Sam, and Diane can petition the court that she be moved. Sam says she wants no special treatment or any attention. She just wants to keep her head low until her trial.

Kim says she’d hoped Elizabeth was better, but Elizabeth says how, with Kim stealing her husband? Kim says she and Drew love each other, and Elizabeth says, when Cameron saw Kim kissing Franco, she told him not to get angry because Kim was grieving. He’s a kid, but he’s not here. She’s furious. Her husband came by to say he was leaving with Kim tomorrow. She thought she’d have more time. Kim says to trash their relationship and tear it apart? She tells Elizabeth not to act like that’s not in her wheelhouse. Julian told Scotty how she drugged Drew to try and get pregnant, and dredged it up in court to make her look crazy. Elizabeth says she doesn’t think Kim is crazy, but thinks she needs help. She lost Oscar, and it takes time to get over a trauma like that. She knows; she lost a child. Kim tells her not to say she understands. Jake came back; Oscar never will.

Franco tells Scotty that he’s sorry Scotty is losing a son, but he’s not there to relitigate the hearing. Scotty says that’s not what he’s there for. He just wants to tell Franco something important. Hopefully, it will be enough to convince him to do the right thing of his own free will.

Violet literally runs into Robert, and Hayden asks what she said about running ahead, calling her Violet Barnes. Robert says she didn’t know Hayden had a daughter. Violet introduces herself, and Robert says she’s sweet. She asks if he knows her mama, and he says, yes, but he’s not sure he knows her daddy. Robert. Really? Saying that to a kid?

Finn tells Alexis, it’s a good sign that she can still feel something; she hasn’t completely lost sensation. Alexis asks if that’s going to happen, but he can’t say for sure. She asks what he can say, and he tells her that he’ll have more accurate information after more tests, and a better chance at diagnosis, so he can prescribe treatment. He asks her to revisit the day she started experiencing symptoms. She says she exercised, went to Kelly’s with Kendra, and went home to work on Sam’s case. Neil came by with takeout, but she couldn’t eat because Jason showed up to talk about Sam. That’s when she felt strange. She got the chills, and thought it was the flu. She didn’t feel like eating, and asked Neil to go home. She went upstairs to bed, and the next morning, she felt achy, and passed out on the couch. Finn asks if there was anything out of the ordinary preceding it. Any change in her diet? She says she’s been taking a supplement for the past two weeks, but she took it to her GP, who said it was safe.

Kendra asks if Julian is going back to see Alexis after her tests, but he says he has to go. She says she’ll stick around; she doesn’t want to leave Alexis alone. She thinks Alexis feels more scared than she’s letting on. Julian says he does too, and asks her to keep him in the loop. He doesn’t want to hover. Kendra puts her number in his phone, and says maybe he can return the favor. He brought up seeing her in Charlie’s earlier, but she’d prefer he not mention he’s seen her there. He asks, why? and she says the food and drink there is criminally good, but doesn’t fall into her fitness plan for her clients. They need to think she practices what she preaches. They don’t need to know what she eats when she’s off the clock. Has she seen The Rock’s cheat day menu?

At the little café, Laura thanks Jax for the tea, saying it’s a nice pick-my-up after the morning she had. He asks if Ava isn’t doing well, and she says she brought Scotty to cheer her up, but Ava’s in a bad place. She’s probably adjusting to the meds. Laura had no opportunity to talk about the painting. Jax asks how long Ava is going to be in Shadybrook, but Laura doesn’t know. However long it takes for her to stop seeing ghosts.

Nikolas wanders around Jax’s house. His phone rings. He answers, and the operator says there’s a collect call from an inmate in Pentenville. Does he accept the charges? (Wrong answer sound. They would tell him who was calling.) He accepts, and asks what they want. Cassandra says, now, now. Is that any way to great an old friend?

Violet tells Robert that she doesn’t have a daddy – or a puppy. Not a real one, but she has a stuffed one. He’s guessing she’d like a real one all her own. She says she would. Or a Pegasus, or a dragon. Dr. Finn has a dragon named Roxie. Finn joins them and says Violet has a playdate with Roxie. He tells Hayden that Violet’s doctor wants to do one more test before she’s discharged; they’re waiting upstairs. Violet tells Robert, goodbye, and goes with Hayden. Robert says, she’s quite the charmer. If they weren’t in a public place, he’d happily kick Finn’s butt to the moon for keeping his daughter from Anna.

Nikolas says he told Cassandra never to call him directly, but she says Robert just paid her a visit. Their timetable has been moved up. Nikolas says they’re not a team. She’s been a means to an end; that’s it. She tells him that she’s about to be extradited. He has to stop it, or she’ll give him up to Robert. She’ll tell Robert that he hired those goons last year to extract her from the WSB, and kidnapped Anna and Finn, coercing them into reviving her.

Jax knows how painful it must be for Laura, with Ava insisting that she saw Nikolas. Laura says, it’s upsetting, but Ava can’t help it. Jax suggests Laura visit later in the week, when Ava has adjusted more to her meds. Then she can ask if Ave remembers the painting. She says they don’t know if Ava has it. For all they know, it’s been sold. Jax doesn’t think portraits of Helena are in high demand, and it’s their best lead. Laura says, okay. She’ll try to talk to Ava about it. Jax says he has to speak to his Tokyo office, and left his notes. He leaves, and she finishes her tea.

Finn tells Robert that until two days ago, he had no idea. Robert says he’ll have some adjustments to make. Does Anna know? Finn says he hasn’t told her, and Robert asks what the plan is. Is he going to let Anna run into Violet like he did? Finn says he wants to tell Anna in person, so he’d appreciate Robert keeping it quiet until he has the opportunity. Robert says, it might be months before he sees Anna. So he’s going to perpetuate the lie for that period of time? Because that’s what it is – a lie by omission.

Jason tells Sam that Cassandra wanted to do business with Sonny, and he turned her down. That could go against her. Sam says Cassandra seemed more interested in her connection to the Cassadines, and Jason says, that seems random, but Sam says, it’s probably because of Valentin. She thinks he and Cassandra worked together at some point. The guard says, time’s up, and Sam tells Jason that she has to go. She asks him not to bring the kids for anything. She doesn’t want them to see her like this. She says, tell Danny and Scout that she loves them, and he says he loves her. She says she loves him too, and they put their hands against the glass. Sam looks back at him one more time before she leaves with the guard.

Scotty asks if Franco remembers living with Betsy Frank. Franco says, vaguely. He was really little when she gave him away to the state. Scotty asks if he remembers what Betsy called him. Franco says, Andy, and she called Franco Bobby. The two of them spent a lot of time together. Scotty asks if he remembers Betsy’s boyfriend Jim Harvey. Franco says, he used to babysit, and Scotty says, he shared special attention with Bobby; they went off together. Franco asks what he’s getting at, and Scotty says, Jim Harvey sexually abused Franco. Then he started setting his sights on Drew. Franco tried to protect Drew by putting him in the basement, but he fell down the stairs. Betsy thought Franco was trouble, and sent Drew away for his own protection. Franco was not so lucky. Franco says, Bobby was just trying to save him, and Scotty says, he did save him. He saved him, then stifled the memories of abuse for many years. When he was able to process it, and live a life – a happy life of his own – then he was robbed of that. He’s living it in Franco’s place.

Kim says Elizabeth has no empathy for her, but she can’t begin to know how Kim feels. Oscar is gone, and Drew miraculously came back; the Drew she loved. Elizabeth can’t blame her for fighting for him. Elizabeth says she blames Kim for refusing to acknowledge that Franco had a life first. Kim says the judge ruled in Drew’s favor, and she hopes Elizabeth can accept that, and make peace. Elizabeth says Kim just wants to ease her conscience for stealing her husband. She can’t give him to Kim; she won’t. Kim says she should go, and Elizabeth says, great idea. She opens the door. Kim says Elizabeth was her rock when Oscar was sick. She can’t repay her for that, but wants Elizabeth to know she’ll always be grateful for their friendship during that time. She says, goodbye. Elizabeth closes the door, and leans against it.

Robert asks Finn if Anna is going to have a fiancé by the time she gets back. He’s seen the looks Finn and Hayden have shared, and noticed Finn is angling to be a family. Hayden comes out, and thanks Finn, telling him, Violet is with Epiphany. She asks if he and Robert are okay. Robert says he’s fine. He’s not too sure about her ex. He leaves, and Hayden says she’s so sorry. She didn’t mean for him to find out. Finn says, too late, and she asks if Robert is telling Anna. Finn says let him deal with that, and Hayden says she’s available when he wants to talk. They need to figure things out. She tells him to check his phone, and he sees a picture of her and Violet when the baby was just born. She says she doesn’t know if it will make up for lost time, but maybe it’s a start.

Laura sees Robert at the hospital, and they hug. She says she was hoping to find him there. She’s trying to locate a portrait of Helena. He says, the nude? and she says, God no. It was done more recently, before she died. She left it to Nikolas, and it was hanging in Windymere. Valentin got rid of it, and it turns out it could be very useful. He asks, how so? and she says, as a weapon against Valentin.

Cassandra tells Nikolas that she’s been more than patient. It’s time for him to hold up his end of the bargain. Break her out tonight. Nikolas says she’s the one who insisted on coming to Port Charles, against his instructions. She got herself into this situation, and she’s in no position to make demands. She says he’s wasting time he doesn’t have. Break her out or she’ll blow his cover. She hangs up, and Nikolas makes a call. He says, it’s me. We have a problem with Cassandra. Take care of it.

Robert says, a weapon against Valentin? and asks Laura to tell him more. She wishes she had the time. An enemy may want to acquire it. Any idea who? He says, Spencer, the clan Cassadine; Cassandra is locked up, awaiting extradition. He asks her if everything is all right, and she says, nothing is all right. She had the weirdest sensation earlier, and she’s spent the day trying to shake it. He asks, what kind of sensation? and she says, it’s kind of hard to describe. It’s ethereal. Like someone walked on her grave.

Franco thanks Scotty for sharing, but what does he want Franco to do. Scotty says, the right thing. Franco asks if Scotty wants him to sacrifice his life for Franco. Franco saved his life when they were kids; it’s not his fault. Scotty says, or Franco’s fault. Just ask himself, is his second chance at life worth Scotty’s son’s first chance?

Hayden and Violet arrive at Elizabeth’s house, and Hayden introduces Violet to her aunt. Elizabeth says, it’s so nice to meet her, and Violet asks if she can have a hug. Elizabeth says she would love that. It’s exactly what she needs right now.

Finn sits down, and takes out his phone. He looks at the picture of Hayden and Violet.

Kendra goes back to Alexis’s room, and Alexis asks if Julian is still there. Kendra says he had to take off, but she’s there to provide a distraction. It must be maddening, not knowing what’s going on. Alexis says she’s going stir crazy, and Kendra suggests they go for a walk. Alexis says she doesn’t think she’s ready to be seen in public. She looks worse than she feels. Kendra gives her a mirror and brush, telling her to put herself together. She’s going to tell the nurse that they’re taking her IV pole for a walk. Alexis asks what she did to deserve Kendra.

Julian puts something into the dumpster, and a dead rat falls out. Surprise!

Alexis brushes her hair, and discovers it’s falling out.

Jax goes back home, and Nikolas asks how his mother is. Jax says, how does he think? She went to see Ava, and had to listen to her ramble about how she saw him. Nikolas says, another reason Jax shouldn’t have involved his mother. Nikolas says he can thank Hayden for that. She’s the one who brought Curtis and his mother in without his knowledge or consent. Not that it matters. Laura is a part of it now, but the longer he stays, the greater the chance of her finding out. Unless that’s what Nikolas wants. Nikolas says he can’t show himself until Valentin is neutralized.

Cassandra and Sam are brought into the hall, and Cassandra asks, what’s going on? Sam tells her, it’s work detail, but Cassandra says, these hands don’t do that. The guard says, they do now. She has work detail. Cassandra says, no one told her. The guard texts, it’s handled, to an unknown number. Sam guesses it’s Cassandra’s lucky day, and Cassandra says she supposes it is.

Tomorrow, Valentin tells Nina that he’s bothered by Jax, Carly tells Sasha that owning it goes a long way with her, and Nikolas says the chances of him getting recognized are non-existent.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

We backtrack a little. LeeAnne’s cousin Katie says LeeAnne’s mother isn’t there yet. Rich gets ready to go in, and says he’s walking the green mile. Katie calls LeeAnne’s mom. LeeAnne dabs at her eyes with a hanky.

Mom Margaret squeaks in at the last minute. LeeAnne smiles. The music from Ordinary People (otherwise known as Canon in D major, by Johann Pachelbel) plays. Rich’s daughter walks down, bringing the ring pillow, and Rich follows. The curtains part, revealing LeeAnne. The traditional wedding march plays. We flash back to Tiffany telling Rich that LeeAnne has to do it before she’s fifty, and him saying she told him she was thirty, so… Tiffany says, just give her a ring. We also see clips of D’Andra harassing LeeAnne about Rich cheating, and how they’re never going to set a date. I’m glad she’s not there. Margaret cries.

The pastor says blah-blah-blah be kind to one another. When Rich says, I do, LeeAnne goes, whew! Everyone laughs, and the pastor says he hates to tell her, but there are several more opportunities. They share the vows they wrote, and Rich says LeeAnne taught him true love and total acceptance. They’ve both said they come from the land of misfit toys, but they’ve managed to help fix each other, and will continue to do that for the rest of their lives. He promises to love, serve, and protect LeeAnne like a SWAT officer should. He says she’s scary smart and hilarious. It’s like he’s marrying  five women at one time. She says, just five? LeeAnne says she never felt loved, wanted, or accepted. Rich made her feel those things. He’s shown her how to love deeper than she thought possible. She promises she’ll be reminding him to do that for the rest of their lives. She tells him how special he is, and says her heart belongs to him always. The pastor has them repeat a promise to see the other’s innocence in their eyes, and Rich says, his eye. Everyone laughs, and they exchange rings. The pastor declares them married. As they walk down the aisle, Rich’s tag changes from fiancé to husband. In her interview, Kameron says, LeeAnne has waited so many years. It’s a real fairytale, and gives her the warm fuzzies.

In the hallway, Steve hugs Rich and LeeAnne. Margaret says LeeAnne is a great kid, but she wishes LeeAnne would come to the realization that she was loved as a child. I say it doesn’t matter what Margaret thinks, if LeeAnne didn’t feel it. Kameron says, it was the most amazing ceremony. In Kameron’s interview, she says she’s never seen such a big crown as the one LeeAnne is wearing. She thinks the break in between the ceremony and reception is a nuisance. Who wants to wear the dress they’ve been sweating in for five hours? (Just a thought, but, bring one to change into?) In LeeAnne’s interview, she says the purpose of a five-hour break is because she wants to shtup her husband. When I was a kid, I went to a lot of Lithuanian and Polish weddings, and it was traditional to have a wedding breakfast after the ceremony, and then hang out at someone’s house until the reception in the evening. I was actually surprised the first time I went to a wedding that didn’t have all that.

In the limo, LeeAnne tells Rich that she wants a footlong, and he says she’s already getting one. They get some fast food at a drive-through (Sonic?), and LeeAnne says, best wedding ever. Rich tells the person at the window not to tell anyone they’ve seen him. LeeAnne wants to eat in the car, and promises not to mess up her dress, but Rich is more worried about the car. When they get to the hotel, Rich lies down, and LeeAnne calls him lazy. He says he married her; that’s not lazy. She wolfs down a chili dog.

There are all kinds of acrobats, cowgirls on saddle swings, people in costumes made of mirrors, and living lamps with sequined bodies and lights on their heads. Kameron says, it’s amazing. Kary says, LeeAnne is back to the carnival. She wanted to relive the childhood she hated so much. I don’t think LeeAnne ever said she hated the carnival. LeeAnne copies me by having a castle as a cake topper. Friends made mine for me, since we could find one nowhere. In Stephanie’s interview, she says it’s everything she thought it would be. It’s like she took drugs; she doesn’t even know where to look. Where did LeeAnne find these people?

D’Andra and Jeremy are doing a cooking competition; a seafood challenge. Jeremy brings out shrimp, halibut, and softshell crab. In D’Andra’s interview, she says food is the most important thing in her life. She loves to cook. Jeremy says he’s going to work on the images for the website over the weekend. D’Andra is glad they’re not at the wedding. Who would have thought, eight years ago, they wouldn’t be there? In D’Andra’s interview, she says she looks back, and thinks it was a fun time. She and LeeAnne were close, but she’s lost hope for the future of their friendship. Celebrating her own marriage by she and Jeremy doing something together is just as satisfying.

LeeAnne changes to a different gown that’s more festive and sparkly. She and Rich are introduced as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. Richard Whatever-His-Last-Name-Is. Margaret complains that she can’t get close enough. LeeAnne isn’t unfriendly to her, but there’s a definite chill. Pictures are taken, and Margaret says she’s glad Rich has taken LeeAnne off her hands. Like LeeAnne is even around her much. Margaret leaves, and the dancing commences.

The drink glasses look like disco balls. Travis asks Rich if they’re still married, and Rich says, so far. LeeAnne removes the skirt from her outfit, and it turns into a jumpsuit. Cary, Kary, and Kameron pose on one of the saddle swings, and get their picture taken. Kameron says they’re a bad influence on her, and Cary says, the K/Carys are a bad influence. Stephanie complains that there’s not enough food, and says she’s glad she ate beforehand. I dunno. It’s not a dinner situation, but it looks like there’s plenty in the way of charcuterie trays and such. I prefer picking around myself.

In her interview, D’Andra says the cooking competition takes her mind off serious business, like saving the company. Jeremy says, let the ass whoopin’ begin. D’Andra keeps asking him for ingredients while they’re cooking. They sit to taste the dishes, and Jeremy says, 100% honesty. D’Andra thinks Jeremy’s dish tastes like sandpaper, and she gets one point for her shrimp.

Kameron tells Kary, they ran out of water at the bar, and she had to get it from the bathroom. Kary wonders, where’s the food? In Stephanie’s interview, she says she’s been to a lot of weddings where there’s been just cake and nuts, but at least they had nuts. In Kameron’s interview, she says any event after 7 pm is required to serve a meal.

D’Andra has two points, and Jeremy gets one for his halibut. He tells her, since it’s the main dish, he should get two points, but she’s taking full victory. She tells Jeremy that she’s getting dessert. At the reception, the cake is cut. LeeAnne is happy, and says, it felt perfect. In her interview, she says the wedding was filled with nothing but love and joy. It’s the happiest day of her life. She and Rich get in the limo, and she says, baby, come to mama.

Brandi and Travis go out to lunch, bringing Bruin. Bruin sees a balloon up by the ceiling, and freaks. Brian asks Brandi why no daycare today, and she says they were snuggling. Brian says, because she needed sleep? He asks if she had fun in Nashville; he did. She says she has no regrets about missing the wedding. In her interview, she says she had a fantastic time with her husband, got wasted, and had sex. Brian asks if she has any details on Bruin’s potential sibling, but she says, not yet. Once you get to three or four, it’s no big deal. That reminds me of when I said, what’s one more dog? Brian says he grew up with four. She says they’ve got to move anyway. Brian says, with six, they’ll need a third bedroom. In Brandi’s interview, she says her heart is telling her that she needs and wants to adopt the baby. It’s Bruin’s sibling; his blood. How can she say no to that? Brian asks why she feels so strongly. She says, it make sense. They’ll always have each other. Bruin is making a humongous mess, and Brandi says she’ll clean it up. Um… they might possibly need a rug shampooer. In her interview, she says, to get Brian on board, she has to convince him that she can handle it all. She can never complain. She’ll be sucking it up and miserable, She can do this. Brian says, two at once will be a handful. What if Bruin’s mother has another one? It’s hard as it is, and Brandi wants to take on a newborn baby. She says she feels like it will be worth it in the end. She’s not worried about love; they have that. She just worries about handling it. Brian say he remembers being the oldest was hard. His parents had to give so much attention to the babies. He felt like his mom was busy with the babies, and worries about Brooklyn in particular, We flash back to Brooklyn being a mini bitch. Brian says, she’s close to being a teenager, and already acts like one. He remembers his sisters. In Brandi’s interview, she says maybe Brian is right that having another child will add more stress, with her being pulled in another direction. Brandi says, it’s especially worse when they’re in diapers. With four, everything will be doubled.

Everyone gets back to their regular lives. Travis relaxes in the hot tub, and Stephanie asks how it’s going with his party. What do they need to do before his magical day? In Stephanie’s interview, she says Travis is going to be 50, and the theme is his life now – a midlife crisis. We flash back to Stephanie popping out of his cake. She says Travis wanted her to private message John Legend to sing at his party, but one, she doesn’t know him; and two, it’s insane and stalkerish. I’ll bet he’d do it though. He and Chrissy love Bravo. Travis says he has no idea how many people he invited. They have the DJ, the band,  the liquor, the caterer, the lights, and the yard has been redone. She asks if his dad is coming. In her interview, she says Travis’s dad travels between Thailand and Viet Nam a lot of the time, because he has friends there. Travis doesn’t think his dad is taking his meds, so he’s going to Thailand in a couple of weeks. In Stephanie’s interview, she says that Travis’s dad tends to stop taking his meds, and then has a hard time. He’s traveling, and Travis is concerned because he can’t get ahold of him. Travis says if Stephanie wants to come, this is probably the year to do it. Stephanie doesn’t want to be by herself if Travis is working, and suggests she bring her friends. She tells him, it seems like Kameron gets mad, and kind of blows up, spins, then they’re fine. In her interview, Stephanie says a few months ago, they were fine, and now they haven’t been able to get back on track. If she takes Kameron to Thailand to see an elephant, Kameron will like her again. Travis talks about ping pong shows, and Stephanie asks if they play ping pong. He says, not with their hands. She’s puzzled, and says, with their mouths? He says, lower. The lightbulb comes on, and she gets it, and she says, gross.

Stephanie calls everyone about the trip to Bangkok. LeeAnne is in right away. When Stephanie tells Brandi about the ping pong shows, Brandi asks if she’s planning on doing this. D’Andra says she doesn’t want to eat alone, and Stephanie will have to be an adventurous eater. Kameron says she’s going to need a long time to pack. In Kameron’s interview, she says she’s super shocked that Stephanie invited her. Is it her way of saying they’re good? Stephanie tells her, it will take at least a week, considering how much stuff she brings. It’s ridiculous.

Kary gets Stephanie’s call while going out to dinner with Eduardo, and asks if she’s serious. Eduardo says he’s jealous, and Kary tells him that she’s psyched. In Kary’s interview, she says she’s been to Thailand twice. She loves the food, the massages, and  the culture. Me too, even though I’ve never been there, and it’s doubtful I’ll ever go. Kary flashes back to telling D’Andra about the wedding, and how there was no food, only platters of cheese and whatnot. D’Andra says LeeAnne probably couldn’t get it donated. Eduardo thinks the food situation was strange. If there’s not enough food, people get sh*t-faced. They order, and Kary tells him that she’s excited about Thailand. She wants to go to the same store where she got pearls for her jewelry line, so she’ll be doing a little work. Eduardo thinks she should definitely visit a temple they were at. She points out that she’s wearing new earrings she just made (love them, also pearl). Because they’re having two different conversations, Eduardo starts talking about his mother’s walking program. Kary says she doesn’t care. In her interview, she says, it’s important to her to talk about her business, and he’s changing the subject to talk about his mom’s walking trip. She could give a sh*t. Eduardo say if she’s going to be like that, it can kill the mood.

Kary says, it doesn’t matter. They eat in silence for a while, and Kary finally asks what Eduardo is wearing to Travis’s birthday party. He says he hasn’t thought about it, and Kary says it will be there before they know it. In Kary’s interview, she says, Eduardo isn’t good at communication. It’s one of their biggest issues. She likes to talk, and he’s the opposite; he doesn’t want to talk at all. Kary asks if he doesn’t want to talk anymore, and he says she just wants to talk about what she wants to talk about. She says she doesn’t want to talk about his mom’s trip, and he says he’s turned off. Kary says he’s just going on and on about it (not really), and he cut her off when she was talking about her jewelry. He changed the subject, and it’s something huge going on in her life. He’s not asking questions, or showing more interest. He says they’re having a nice dinner. It’s not just about one thing. He’s been supportive the whole time. She says when Eduardo started his business, he talked non-stop about it. He says they’re both trying to catch each other up. Kary asks, what else is going on? and Eduardo asks what she wants to talk about. She says she’s been trying to tell him that she’s excited to go.

In Kary’s interview, she says she thinks it’s a power struggle between them, built on control. Eduardo can’t control her. The finances are the only thing he has over her. Eduardo asks how many girls trips she’s been on, and Kary says, a lot. She loves her girls trips. He asks if she can’t live without them, and she says can’t. it’s like her therapy.

Next time, Travis is knighted at Medieval Times, Stephanie feels like she’s never enough, Travis’s birthday party happens, and LeeAnne isn’t enjoying watching D’Andra getting drunk over and over, and making an ass of herself.

🍷 8 pm is too early for watching Wives, and I’m all about this season’s American Horror Story: 1984 at 10, so The Real Housewives of New Jersey has gotten a little abandoned. No recap, but here were the highlights and feels.

🍝 Dolores still lives with Frank, Frank Jr. is modeling, including romance book covers. Is he the new Fabio? David is more on the scene, and everyone is one big happy family. More power to them. I wish I had a Frank – a dude who will do everything for me, and expects nothing in return except my scintillating company.

The Marge is looking good, as is Marge Sr. who’s taken a bookkeeping job in Manhattan, and is reliving her youth. Go OG Marge! Not loving Jennifer at all. She’s obnoxious, and it often seems like she’s being dramatic on purpose to get camera time. Giving her props though, for looking well put together, even though a lot of it is via plastic surgery, being the face (or other body parts, as it were) of her husband’s practice. She caused a  rift with Jackie when she did an impression of Jackie (i.e. made fun of) in a restaurant, while Teresa filmed and put it on social media. When Jackie called her out on it during a Bring Your Booty Back event, Jennifer claimed it was just a joke. Then followed Jackie around the party, screeching at her.

Melissa defended Teresa for encouraging Jennifer’s dumbass behavior and stepping out on Juicy Joe with a dude so young he wears a backpack. She claimed he was just a friend. Uh-huh, I always hold hands with my male friends. Teresa was done with restitution, and putting in a pool. Joe #1 was detained on ICE indefinitely, awaiting the judge’s ruling on his appeal. If he went to Italy, he wouldn’t be allowed back in the country, and Gina had given him an old tomato ultimatum – if he went to Italy, he couldn’t have a relationship with her. Joe – who now looks like a mini version of Mike Sorrentino aka The Situation – felt he was wasting his life there. Well, we already know how that turns out.

Marge gave us the best quote of the night: cake fixes everything.

This season, hair pulling, a  trip to Jamaica, skydiving, Melissa wants another baby, Danielle blames Marge for her divorce, the news that Joe #1 is getting deported, glass throwing, and the best of friends become the worst of enemas enemies.

💎 When Did It Become Citrine…?

Brush with greatness moment. One time I was at the same Christmas party as Fred Schneider. They had karaoke, and I was singing Carrie Underwood‘s Before He Cheats. Fred walked by, and told me, nothing said Christmas like that song.