Tag Archives: Vanderpump Rules

Jan23

January 22, 2017 – A Disagreement Between Sonny and Anna, Pride Day at SUR, Summer House Returns & It’s Suppertime

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

Jason ponders on the footbridge, and flashes back to New Year’s Eve with Sam.

Sam looks out on her balcony, and flashes back to talking to Jason on the docks, and telling him that she loves Drew. Molly and Alexis arrive. Alexis asks if she’s ready to get married.

Curtis and Jordan join Drew. Curtis says the justice of the peace should be there soon, and to enjoy his last single moments. He’s getting ready to be married for real this time.

Carly tells Bobbie that she should have given Josslyn more credit. Bobbie says sometimes it feels good to be wrong. Carly is relieved about Josslyn, but says too bad she can’t say the same for Michael.

Michael meets Nelle at the hospital, but missed the prenatal appointment, but Nelle shows him the sonogram; the first picture of their baby.

Sonny tells Anna that Faison knows Heinrich is gunning for him. They have to use Heinrich as bait. Anna says they can’t exploit him like that. if Sonny orchestrates a meeting, he’ll start a war, and they don’t know who will get caught in the crossfire.

Faison caresses an unconscious Obrecht’s face.

At the MetroCourt, Laura wants to talk to Lulu. Lulu thinks Laura wants her to take a step back from reporting, and reevaluate things, but Laura knows better than to try talking her out of something she wants to do. Saving the world is genetic. Ned approaches their table, and apologizes to Laura about how quickly the race got nasty; it wasn’t his intention. He says his problem is with Julian, not her or Alexis. He guarantees a clean, fair fight, and a race they can be proud of.  Laura tells him that he didn’t have to apologize. She appreciates the gesture, but it’s wasted on her. She’s dropping out of the race.

Anna says Faison wouldn’t hesitate to kill his own son, and Sonny tells her that she says that like it’s a problem. Anna says they don’t know him; he could be an innocent, which would explain why he allowed Jason to live. Sonny says he paid several thugs to bring him back to Russia, and along the way, they shot up the MetroCourt and took Sam hostage. He asks if that sounds innocent. Anna says if he died, any chance of Jason’s questions being answered or Drew getting his memory back will be over.

Drew tells Curtis he doesn’t think they can squeeze in a bachelor party. Curtis says it’s tradition for the groomsmen and groom to share a drink before the ceremony, and pulls out a bottle. Monica arrives.

Spinelli finds Jason. He says there’s still time. Sam is marrying Drew, and he has to stop it.

Jordan gets a work call, and it’s something she has to check on personally. She tells Drew sorry, congratulations, and give Sam her best. Drew tells Monica that he appreciates her being there; it means a lot that’s she’s stood by him. She says she wouldn’t miss it. He’s Alan’s son, and she wishes she’d known him and raised him like she did Jason, but since that didn’t happen, she’d like to adopt him. He laughs, and says they missed that boat. She says it’s just a formality, but makes him and Scout legally part of the family. They may not know the next chapter, but he’ll always be part of the Quartermaines. Monica is looking really good. For a while, she had too many fillers in her face going on, but whatever she’s doing now, keep doing it.

Nelle tells Michael that they have a beautiful, healthy baby. Michael asks if she knows if it’s a boy or girl, but she says she wanted them to find out together. He says it’s her body, but she tells him it’s their baby, and she wants him to be involved in every step of process. She says the baby’s heartbeat was loud and strong. He can hear it at the next appointment. Carly and Bobbie join them.

Anna tells Sonny that she doesn’t think there’s a reason to involve Heinrich. She knows how to bring Faison out in the open. He’s obsessed with her, and it clouds his judgement and allows her to control things. It would also help if she had no surprises. With that in mind, has Sonny made contact? Sonny says he has the email address for PK Sinclair. If that’s Heinrich, then yes. He shows her the email exchange, and she tells him if PK emails again, don’t respond. Call her and they’ll figure out a plan. He says he doesn’t think he can do that.

Spinelli says Jason might still make it, but Jason says he’s not interrupting the wedding. Sam wants this, and loves Drew. Spinelli asks if he’s told her that he loves her, but he says that would make it hard on her. Spinelli says it would take an act of tremendous courage, but even if he doesn’t do it for himself, he needs to save Sam from making a mistake that will only bring her grief.

Curtis brings in the justice of the peace. The wedding begins. Molly walks in first, followed by Sam, wearing a white, cocktail length, lacy confection. Danny is the ringbearer. They stand before the officiant.

Anna tells Sonny it’s not a suggestion. Sonny doesn’t want trouble with her. She might be cop, but she’s Robin’s mother. She’s brave and honorable, and doesn’t deserve the hell Faison put her through. If he could back away, he would, but if Heinrich is his best shot, he’s taking it. If he calls, Sonny is using him, with or without her permission. She says she’ll see herself out. Outside, she calls Robert, telling him that she needs him to intercept some email messages, and divert them to her account. She tells him to make sure there’s no trace of the original address.

Carly asks why Michael and Nelle are at the hospital, since she’s too stupid to guess. Nelle says it was her first ultrasound, and gives her the picture. Michael says there’s no question he’s the father. Carly says she’s happy for him. Bobbie wants to look at the paternity test results, and Nelle tells her to get them from Michael, since she had them sent directly to his office. She adds that the baby is healthy, thanks for asking. She leaves, and Michael thanks them for being mostly civil. Bobbie thought they did pretty well. Carly says this is real and happening, and she supports him and the baby. They hug, and Michael goes to work or whatever he does.

Ned is surprised Laura is dropping out. Lulu says she had it in the bag, no offense to Ned. Laura says her family has to take precedence. Spencer had bad skiing accident in France, breaking both legs, and she has to go. She has the time and means right now, and hopes Lulu understands. She does, but she’s disappointed; she knows the campaign was important. Laura says it still is. Ned tells her that he’s sorry to see her go; she was a formidable candidate. He didn’t expect to win on a technicality, but she says he didn’t win anything yet. She wants to discuss terms; what he’s going to promise her in exchange for her endorsement.

Spinelli says Jason would take any risk or suffer any injury to save Sam. Jason says she doesn’t need saving. Spinelli says he watched her at the police station when their identities were sorted out. She knew all along, but pretended to believe Drew was Jason because he believed it. She lied for his benefit, and Spinelli thinks that’s why she’s marrying him. She’s sacrificing her happiness because of misguided loyalty. The same thing he’s doing now.

The couple has prepared their own vows. Drew tells Sam that people say their lives didn’t start until they met the person they’re going to live their life with, but with him, it’s literal. So much wasn’t true, but she gave him what was – love. He might have no past, but he’s thankful for his future with her. He takes the ring from Danny, and promises to love, honor, and cherish her until death and beyond, if that’s possible. Sam says when she was thinking about the vows, she kept thinking how much has changed in past couple of months. She realized the important things that last and matter stayed the same. She still loves and adores him. They share an incredible bond, and had the chance to make an amazing family. She has a life with him, but never expected it to be richer and fuller than she could imagine. It’s a life she wants to continue to share with him, always. She takes the ring, and promises to love, honor, and cherish him to death and beyond. They do the I dos. Do-be-do-be-do. The officiant pronounces them husband and wife. They kiss, and everyone applauds.

Anna goes home, and finds her door open. She draws her gun. She calls for Obrecht, but finds Jordan, her gun also drawn.

Obrecht is lying on some straw, and I wonder where there’s a barn in Port Charles.

Laura tells Ned that he’s going to need more than the backing of his supporters; he needs her support, but it will cost him. Ned says, hypothetically speaking, what would be the cost? She tells him that she wants tight limits on the redevelopment, but he says it’s up to the voters to decide. She wants him to designate the pre-war buildings to be left alone, and she’ll give her endorsement. He says he can give suggestions, but can’t make it happen. If he made that promise now, it would be in bad faith. Laura appreciates his candor. He says she was a worthy opponent. And would have made a fine mayor. They shake hands. When Ned leaves, Lulu says they lost.

Spinelli tells Jason that he was the first person, maybe the only person, who treated Sam with respect as a person in her own right. Because of that, she learned to respect and know herself. That’s not the case with Drew. They don’t know who he would have been if he’d been left in his own life. He doesn’t know himself, and can’t give of himself or give her that support. Jason says he’s making assumptions, but Spinelli says he saw him at the station, seemingly expecting Sam to fill his needs, giving little thought to what she needed. Jason says he doesn’t break the law or put lives at risk. Jason is true to himself, and out of that truth, can give Sam the love she needs. She made a wrong choice for the wrong reasons. Jason tells him to stop. He’s heard him, and it’s appreciated, but he has to leave Sam alone. Spinelli says that Sam told him in the early says, she had an unfamiliar feeling with him; one she liked, but couldn’t place. Then she realized he made her feel safe.

Curtis toasts to the bride and groom, saying may their joy outweigh their sorrow, and their good days outweigh the bad. May they rest easy in each other’s arms tonight, and all the days to come. Danny also makes a toast, saying, mommy and daddy, happy wedding! Sam smears Drew’s face with cake, and says gotcha.

Michael drops by Sonny’s. He tells Sonny about the paternity test, and that he’s definitely the father. Sonny asks how he feels, and Michael says he’s trying to wrap his head around the fact that he and Nelle will be connected by the baby. Sonny tells him to remember the baby comes first. Michael is concerned about it being a wedge. Nelle started out plotting against the family, and now she’s carrying their grandchild; he doesn’t want a rift. Sonny tells him to always trust that he’ll never lose Sonny’s love. He’s Michael’s father, and loves him unconditionally, and knows he’ll love the baby the same way.

At the MetroCourt, Bobbie asks how Carly is holding up, and Carly says, just dandy. She doesn’t know how she feels about Michael being a father, and her a grandmother. How is she supposed to be happy with Nelle in their lives? They see Nelle, and Carly tells her that was quite a performance at the hospital; now they get the encore at the MetroCourt. Nelle says she has no idea what Carly is talking about. Carly says Nell and her son are connected by the baby, but that’s where it begins and ends. If she’s thinking of going further, don’t. Nelle says how Michael feels is up to him. Monica arrives, and Nelle says she’s meeting her for dinner. Carly makes faces, and Monica asks if she has a problem with that. Nelle hopes she didn’t pull Monica away, but Monica says it was a small wedding, and Drew and Sam would rather get going. Carly is surprised that they’re married. Nelle says she’ll get a table. Bobbie tells Monica to be careful. Monica says regardless of the past, Nelle is carrying their great-grandchild, and they should try to get along. Bobbie says she’s doing so at her own risk. Carly tells her that Nelle will soon show her true colors.

Jordan says a neighbor called, thinking something was going on at Anna’s place. It’s been fully swept, and everything is fine. Anna tells her about Obrecht showing up drunk, and thinks that’s probably what the neighbor heard or saw. She tells Jordan that she looks great, and Jordan explains that she was Curtis’s plus one for the wedding. Anna can make it up to her by explaining why Obrecht was drunk, and asks if it’s about Faison. Anna says it’s nothing, and Jordan tells her to promise to call if she needs help. Anna thanks Jordan for checking on her, even though she didn’t have to. Jordan says surely Anna knows her by now.

Obrecht’s phone rings. Faison picks it up. We’re still not actually seeing him; just his hands or the back of his head.

Anna leaves a message on Obrecht’s phone, saying she shouldn’t have left. Anna needs to know if she’s okay, and asks her to call back. Anna gets a text, saying, I’m fine. Anna texts back that they aren’t finished, and the return text says, don’t worry, Anna. I’ll be seeing you soon.

We see the phone in Faison’s hand. Obrecht starts to wake up. She wonders what happened. She looks up, and gasps.

Michael is surprised at how well Sonny is handing it. Sonny says he has no use for Nelle, but has faith in Michael. Michael asks, even after he got involved with Nelle? Sonny says she took advantage of his good nature, but the baby is innocent. No matter what happens, Sonny is behind him, and will support whatever decision he makes.

Bobbie tells Carly to let it go. Monica is Michael’s grandmother, and gets to decide how to deal with Nelle. She thinks it’s a mistake, but it’s her mistake to make. Bobbie goes to get a table. Carly says Michael can do whatever wants, but that doesn’t mean she can’t talk him out of it. She makes a call, telling someone she needs to talk about Nelle Benson.

Laura asks to talk to Alexis. Alexis is sorry she dropped out of the race, but understands that family comes first. She’s bummed about Ned running unopposed. Laura doesn’t think it will be that smooth for him, and Alexis says it sounds like she has a replacement. Laura says she does, and she’s perfect. Alexis asks who the lucky candidate is, and Laura says, you.

Drew and Sam bask in the afterglow. He says he’s excited, and can’t wait to see what the future holds.

Still on the footbridge, Jason remembers when we were all children. Sam says he’s a good friend, and she wishes she was a better friend to him. She’s figured out why she sleeps better when she with him. He makes her feel safe.

Tomorrow, Jordan says she’s going to come down like a ton of bricks, Lulu make a pitch to Peter, and HE’S BACK!!!

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa arrives at SUR where the Pride Day party is being organized. Stassi is in charge of dressing the staff. She jokes that she shouldn’t have a problem getting the staff’s respect, considering she was the drunk girl stealing goat cheese balls off passing trays not long ago.

The guys go to a Reiki session. Peter is a regular; he has all his chakras together. Jax thought they were going to push pebbles around with a rake, but instead is subject to some meditation. It’s probably not hard for him to empty his mind. After the meditation, instructor Kelsey asks where everyone is at. Schwartz says he’s been drinking too much, Peter feels like he’s doing too much, and Tom thinks he’s stagnant. Jax tears up, and tells everyone about screwing up his relationship with Brittany. In his interview, he says no one has asked how he’s doing in all this, and I break out my violin. Kelsey gives him some attention and a hug, and Tom gives a voice to my thoughts when he says it wouldn’t be surprising if Jax ended up trying to sleep with her. I just don’t get what any woman sees in him. And he’s not that good looking. He’s no Brad Pitt. He’s not even Charles Bronson – two ends of the handsome spectrum.

The girls go to a spa or plastic surgeon or wherever you get Botox, and talk while they fill out paperwork. Lala says she’s having lunch with Katie. She likes Katie, and wonders if Scheana’s relationship is really talked about as much as she claims it is. Ariana thinks Scheana’s insecurities are getting the best of her, and everyone should mind their own business. Scheana brings up the Rob rumor. She says he laughed about it, but feels him pulling away.

In her interview, Stassi says it’s fun to have a girls’ night where everyone dresses up. The girls, minus Scheana, go to an outdoor bar. They discuss Scheana’s reaction to Rob making out with someone else. Brittany says she tried to explain that Katie just didn’t just make it up. The waiter knows the area where Brittany is from, and flirts with her. Kristen is glad she’s getting her mojo back. Katie asks how she’s doing. Brittany says she’s decided to work it out with Jax. I can’t take it. Stassi tells her that Jax will say he’s going to get help, and then be the same. He’s doing the bare minimum to keep her. She tells Brittany that he’s never once broken up with a girl in his entire life.

Lala, James, and Logan go out for drinks. James orders a double shot of bourbon, and toasts to getting drunk. My stomach turns when he chases the bourbon with maple syrup. In his interview, he explains that he’s curbing his drinking, but occasionally something comes over him. However, he can stop any time. Raquel is moving in, and we see a clip of James clearing out a whole drawer for her. Things start to get dicey when Lala tells them about asking for a bite of Raquel’s pasta at James’s event, then eating all of it. James calls her bitch, surprising all of us. James gets crazy, and tells her not to eff with his bitch. He follows that gem with saying Lala’s boyfriend will get bored soon, and be done with her, going on to next pretty blonde. In her interview, Lala says he turns into a werewolf when he drinks. Lala tells him to learn his place, and know how to talk to someone when they’re a friend. She stomps out, and Logan tells James to go after her. Outside, she asks wtf is wrong with him? It was a joke, and he should know who has his back. He says it’s not about the pasta, and repeats that several times. In his interview, he says it’s about respect for his girlfriend. Lala tells him to get out of her face. He wants to talk later, but she tells him to get lost.

Scheana asks the girls if they were talking about her last night. A friend of her mom’s was at the same restaurant, and heard her name. What are the odds of that? Brittany says Katie believes Scheana thinks she started the rumor. Scheana says Rob doesn’t need this. He’s too busy to deal with their BS. Brittany says Katie didn’t make it up, but Scheana insists she added to it. Brittany wonders why she’s getting so mad if it isn’t true.

Tom and Schwartz go to the restaurant site. It’s still a huge mess. Tom says they’re holding up their end of the bargain with sweat equity, and getting down and dirty. In his interview, Schwartz says Katie made him promise not to drink, do shots or have guys’ night. He did all three at once, but he came home to a loving reception, and it caught him off guard. He thinks he was subconsciously testing her to see how she’d react. Tom has to show him how use a protective mask. Schwartz says he’s not an engineer.

Katie shows the girls a picture that Tom sent of Schwartz sleeping on his couch. In her interview, she says a year ago, she would have rage texted and insulted his penis, but today, they’re talking it out. Marriage is good for them. She told him that she doesn’t like waking up alone. She tells them that Schwartz said he was falling in love with her all over again. Everyone goes, aww!

Lisa and Ken show up at the site. Schwartz is happy to be doing something, not just talking about it. Lisa asks if he and Katie are okay. Tom says Schwartz slept at his house, but that happens sometimes. Lisa tells Schwartz they’re going to sit down and go over his marriage vows. He says they’re right here, pointing to his heart. He tells Lisa that he wants to hug her, and she tells him to get away. In her interview, she tells us that he’s too old for puppy dog antics. Schwartz is married now, and needs to handle his responsibilities.

Kristen talked to Brittany’s mom, and wants to surprise her with a visit. Brittany has been crying that she wants her mother, so Kristen is flying Sherri out to LA. If she can’t talk sense into Brittany about breaking up with Jax, no one can.

It’s Pride Day, which can’t exist without Lisa, who is wearing pink from head to toe, including a humongous pink hat with big flowers. Rob comes by SUR. Scheana tells him she’s lost her smile. He says that life is hard enough, and she needs good people in it. In her interview, Scheana says if loses him because of what they said, there’s going to be a problem. She tells Rob that she loves him, but we don’t hear him say it back. I don’t know if that’s because he doesn’t, or it’s edited that way. I’m on to Bravo about that.

Stassi dresses Brittany in a flower child outfit. She looks really cute. Lisa sees Lala on the street in a sort of Wonder Woman getup. She tells Lisa about her fight with James. In her interview, Lala says if James doesn’t kiss her ass and apologize a million times, she’ll have no choice but to move on. Lisa says he’s lucky she wasn’t there or she would have boxed his ears, and he has ears to box. Ha-ha-ha-ha! He does have big ears.

Stassi dresses the other girls. She tells Jax if he doesn’t paint his face, she’ll put him in a flower crown, but he’s not into dressing up. Stassi thinks hitting her stride; everyone looks hot. Scheana tells Lala about Rob coming by SUR, and that he was sweet, acting like it doesn’t bother him, but it’s affecting her. Lala tells her to ignore it. In her interview, Lala says Scheana strives for perfection. She’s lost weight because she’s not eating; it’s obvious she’s stressed. Lala tells her to let the girls talk.

Pride is in full swing, and SUR is crowded already. Lisa thanks Tom for being festive. Jax insists he’s festive enough in a black T-shirt. Lisa introduces Billie, SUR’s trans hostess, to the crowd. Lisa supports her and applauds her journey. Billie talks about how supportive Lisa has been in giving her a job and accepting her. In his interview, Jax tells us that he had no idea Billie was trans when he met her. Whatever she had done, she got money’s worth. Billie tells him that she likes his vibe, and thinks he has his own sh*t to go through. I highly doubt their stories are the same, but I’m guessing everyone is drunk at this point. Lisa tells Stassi, good job. Schwartz motorboats Katie. In her interview, Katie says that she’s working on being more easy-going, and Schwartz Is working on not blacking out. It’s progress.

James hugs Logan and Jax. Jax doesn’t know what going on, and says it’s weird. In his interview, James says Logan and Raquel fill different voids in his life. Raquel is his emotional connection, and Logan is his party side. They drink doing that hooking arms thing. Scheana joins them. James says he’s never losing Logan as a friend. They love each other as best friends. Logan says more. It’s a deep relationship, and he looks out for James. Raquel says something is going on.

Brittany says she’s the opposite of Scheana, and eats when she’s stressed. Lisa sits down with Scheana. In her interview, Lisa says she knows Scheana well, and is seeing a fragility about her. She asks what’s going on. Scheana says she feels physically ill. She’s let Katie, Kristen, and Stassi affect her relationship, and she’s better when she’s not around them. She tells Lisa that they said something that wasn’t true, and starts to cry. She says it’s the happiest she’s ever been, and wonders why they want to bring her down. She wails that they’ve been perfect. Lisa reminds her about how she said things were fine with Shay. We flash back to Scheana telling Lisa that her relationship with Shay is amazing. Lisa tells her even if it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. Scheana says they’re meant to be together. Lisa tells her to eat something and pull herself together. Lisa goes to the kitchen, and grabs a plate of food, like the mom she is. She plops it in front of Scheana, telling her she looks like a nervous kitten, and she won’t have it. In her interview, Scheana says it’s refreshing to have a boss like Lisa, who is also a friend. I’d never say Lisa isn’t the best boss ever, but it’s not like Scheana has had a lot of jobs. Katie is wondering who took the plate of food she ordered for a customer. That would be the one in front of Scheana.

Rob arrives at SUR. Scheana says she can’t let them affect her life and relationship. It’s all good now, and she just wants to eat a sandwich. She has her smile back.

Brittany counts her tips. She made $576, which she informs Jax was hard work. Good for her. I can’t imagine doing her job. Jax tells her how pretty she looks and that he got compliments on her behalf. In her interview, she says he thinks he’s a charmer. She loves him, even though he’s a dummy.

Meanwhile, at PUMP, James asks if Lala a still mad at him. She says he’s one of her dearest friends, but his behavior is unacceptable. She tells him not to mention her name unless it’s something positive. She trusted him, and needs to feel safe. He apologizes, saying sometimes he’s an idiot and effed up. In his interview, he says he has a lot of acquaintances, but few friends. When things get complicated, he needs to straighten it out right away.

Kristen and Katie come by Brittany and Jax’s apartment. In her interview, Kristen says Brittany is the best thing to happen to the group, and she refuses to watch Jax bring her down. Brittany’s mom walks in. Jax looks like he’s going to have a heart attack. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Next time, Sherri talks to Lisa, Sherri talks to Jax, Lala talks to Katie about Scheana, and Schwartz calls Scheana the fakest faker ever.

🏊 Summer House is back, and still just as stupid. Like a slightly older version of The Real World, a bunch of boring friends rent a house in the Hamptons that I would kill for, and proceed to spend the summer in a blackout. It didn’t take long before the arguments started, although there was a nice diversion when a couple of cast members decided to head back to NYC for the Gay Pride Parade. I assume this was filmed around the same time as Vanderpump Rules, but too bad Lisa wasn’t attending this one. Maybe she could whip these kids into interesting. If I had a fabulous house in the Hamptons, it’s not likely I would rent it to a bunch of drunken morons. I’ve also never had the desire to spend an entire summer with a bunch of other people in one house, but if I did, I guarantee they would be more intriguing and dimensional than this group

🍆 I discovered a cooking show that premiered in November, but is new to me, and it looks like a lot of fun. It’s Suppertime with Matty Matheson airs Tuesdays at 6, 6:30, and 7 pm on Viceland. You can read more about Matty, “the John Belushi of the Toronto food scene,” here:

https://torontolife.com/food/chef-matty-matheson-vice-canada-parts-and-labour-dead-set-on-life/

MattyMatheson

Matty Matheson

 

Jan16

January 15, 2017 – An Answer from PK Sinclair, Brittany Rages on, Shep & a Spaniel

Posted on by
Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

Carly shows Bobbie the condoms that fell out of Josslyn’s backpack.

At Kelly’s, Josslyn asks Oscar if they’re really going to do this. He says only if she’s sure. She is, and asks what about him? He says, totally.

As they watch Julian laughing with Kim, Diane tells Alexis the menu just got more interesting.

Anna sees Finn while she’s at the hospital to make an appointment. He asks how it’s going, she says apparently she’s getting back to normal – whatever normal is. She tells him that she’ll see him around, but he asks her to wait. He never really got to say goodbye.

Maxie thinks Nina might be able to convince Peter to pull the interview. She’s afraid for their lives. Lulu says it’s too late. The interview was already picked up by wire services. Maxie says there’s no way to stop the world from knowing that Nathan is Faison’s son.

Spinelli thinks his email to PK Sinclair is brilliant. Sonny looks at it, and says, that’s it? Spinelli says it’s more than enough. They’ll be hearing from PK Sinclair in no time. They can assume vanity runs in the family, and they’ll draw him out with praise. Spinelli receives a reply asking, who is this?

Bobbie tells Carly not to jump to conclusions. Carly asks if Bobbie thinks they want to use them for water balloons. Bobbie points out that the box hasn’t been opened, but Carly asks how does she know it’s the first time? She’s going to talk to Josslyn, but first, she has to make sure the moms are on the same page.

Very obviously, peeking over her menu, Alexis eavesdrops on Kim and Julian’s conversation. Ava comes in, and Diane makes a snarky remark. Ava says at least she’s not reading the menu upside down. Alexis gets all flustered, and Ava laughs at her, since the menu was fine. Ava says it must be tough to read when her mind is elsewhere. She wonders if her former sister-in-law is becoming a regular there.

Anna say she read Finn’s note; he didn’t have to say anything else. Finn thought it was better that way, and Anna hopes he and Roxie are happy back in their natural habitats. He says they’re good, and thanks her for understanding. She says it was awkward, pretending to be couple. Finn says they didn’t really know each other, but got good at pretending. Anna says Cassandra is no longer a threat, and Finn says, and here we are. He asks if she’s doing any better. The last time he saw her, she was running out with a gun and a broken clock. Anna says now she knows who put Cassandra out of commission. Finn says he’d ask, but knows she’d have to kill him if she told him. She says they’re both back in their natural habitats, and it was best before things got out of hand; they dodged a bullet. Finn says, lucky us, and she holds out her hand. Anna tells Finn to take care, and they gaze at each other for like, thirty seconds. She goes back to the desk, and he watches. When he leaves, she wipes a tear away.

Maxie can’t believe this is happening. Nathan tells her that he gave the interview to draw Faison out of hiding. She asks what he’s going to do next, take a baseball bat to a wasp’s nest? Faison feeds on fear. Lulu tells her to calm down for the baby’s sake. Maxie says, the baby Faison steals in her dreams? Thanks to Lulu, he’s going to come after the baby in real life.

Spinelli says, now they reel him in. He responds that he’s an admirer, saying they have something in common. A relationship with Isaac Refson, an anagram of Faison’s name. In the fastest email reply ever, PK Sinclair says that Isaac Refson Is a fictional character. Spinelli writes back that fact is stranger than fiction. They both know he’s PK’s father.

Carly sees Kim, and Bobbie tells her to take a breath. Surprisingly, Bobbie leaves, and Carly tells Kim that they have to talk about the kids. Kim has rounds, and asks if they can talk another time. Carly shows her the condoms, and says these belong to her son. She found them in Josslyn’s backpack. Kim suggests maybe they belong to Josslyn. Carly says they’re planning on having sex. She overheard Josslyn tell Oscar that the Mad Hatter’s Ball will be a special night that will blow his mind. IMO, it actually sounds like they’re going to take drugs, but I’m sure it will turn out to be something totally innocuous. Kim says at least they’re using protection, and Carly guesses they’re done. Kim says Carly is right. Obviously, they’re too young for sex, but if they’re thinking about it, she’s relieved they’ve discussed the ramifications and responsibilities that come with an adult decision. Carly says Kim needs to tell Oscar to take a cold shower. He’s clearly the instigator. Kim asks how she knows it’s not her daughter? Really. And Josslyn has been the aggressor throughout their relationship so far. I’m not faulting her for it. It just is what it is.

Josslyn tells Oscar it’s a big step. Oscar says not everyone will think they’re doing the right thing, but it’s right for them. She can’t wait for the ball.

Julian approaches the table, and Alexis says she left the oven on. Diane says she did too. Ava asks what happened to Julian’s window; she noticed it was boarded up. He tells her about the brick, and Alexis says it’s intimidation from whoever wants to make changes in the neighborhood. Julian says it’s nothing to be worried about, but Alexis says Molly lives across the street. Ava wonders what’s really going on with Alexis.

Maxie tells Lulu that he was just singing her praises to Peter, saying that if she wanted a big story, she wouldn’t stop until she got it. Peter walks in, and says Lulu is a born reporter, and Maxie should thank her. Maxie says she thought of career more than anything, but Peter says Nathen is the one who initiated the story, and she’s a good reporter. Nathan asks Peter to share any information he might get with the PCPD. All of a sudden, Maxie doubles over in pain. Nathan says he’ll take her to the hospital. Lulu says she’ll come too, but Maxie says she’s done enough. When they’re gone, Lulu wails, what have I done?

Diane walks into Sonny’s office, and asks if this is a conversation she shouldn’t be hearing. Sonny asks if she’s billing him, and she says no, she’s billing Jason. She tells Jason he’s giving away everything. Spinelli says his offshore holdings are doing well, but Diane says his Port Charles holdings took a hit. She tells them that Nathan gave an interview about being Faison’s son, and it’s going viral. Spinelli grabs his coat, saying Maxie was adamant that no one should know, and now it’s trending. He wants to make sure she’s okay. He jets, and Diane asks if Sonny wants to tell his lawyer what he’s been up to.

Anna punches the bag at the gym. Felicia asks what the bag ever did to her. She wonders if Anna is pretending it’s Faison, and says she guesses Anna heard. She tells Anna that Maxie confided in Mac, who confided in her. Maxie swore them to secrecy, but now Nathan did an interview. Anna says she knew from Sonny and Jason. Felicia says she’s not asking why Anna is fraternizing with hoodlums. Anna says that Sonny dug up the information that Faison has another son. They want to find him, since they think that will pull Faison out. She told them to leave it alone, but doesn’t think they will. Either way, Faison is on his way back to Port Charles (YES!!!). Anna says she’s got to keep on the defensive at all times, at all costs. Felicia doesn’t think she’s talking about Faison.

Carly says Kim is right; she shouldn’t point fingers. They’re both hormonal teenagers, and they’re good kids. Kim isn’t suggesting they look the other way; they’re not ready. Carly thinks they should present a united front. She’s concerned about them rushing in without thinking about the consequences. Kim says at the end of the day, they’re still going to do what they want. She has an emergency, and leaves. Bobbie tells Carly motherhood is a job that never ends. They go to get coffee.

Kim sees Maxie, and asks what’s wrong? Maxie tells her she has abdominal pain, and says please don’t let anything happen to the baby.

Peter says Lulu isn’t thinking clearly. Lulu says Maxie is right to be worried. She put her career first, and look what happened? Peter says what happened is, her story might flush out the most wanted felon. She thanks him for being supportive, and he hugs her. Spinelli walks in, and Lulu says her boss just reminded her that there’s no crying in journalism. She introduces them, reminding me that Spinelli’s first name is Damien. He was hoping to find Maxie, but Lulu tells him she’s at GH; she was having abdominal pains. Spinelli wants to know why no one called an ambulance, but Peter says Nathan took her, since it didn’t seem serious. Spinelli wonders if Peter is also an obstetrician. Lulu explains that he and Maxie have a daughter together, and Peter says he understands Spinelli’s concern. After he leaves, Spinelli says Lulu told the world that Nathan is Faison’s son, and Maxie has already been rushed to the hospital. Lulu says she already feels bad.

Sonny explains to Diane that they’re hoping to lure PK Sinclair out, to lead them to his homicidal father. Diane thinks that might not be necessary if Faison sees the interview. Should it result in any number of felonies, she wants to remind Sonny and Jason of self-incrimination. They’re to remain silent unless she’s present. She says Sonny can be chatty. Jason is a prosecutor’s dream, but a nightmare in civil court. Maybe Sonny can convince him that he can provide for Sam and Danny without signing everything over.

Ava asks Julian if Alexis is there all the time, but he says she’s keeping tabs on Molly. Ava wonders if that’s why she gasped about the broken window. Julian insists she’s just worried about Molly, but Ava says it was his window that was broken; not Molly’s. Julian says Alexis has moved on; she’s dating a doctor. Ava says it appears Alexis isn’t the only one who’s moved on.

Finn and Alexis chat after a 12-step meeting. They agree the meeting was relentlessly dour. Finn says thank God the holidays are over, but Alexis says that Valentine’s Day is a real minefield. He thanks her for speaking at the meeting. He admires her courage. She says she’s a lawyer. She likes to talk, and likes to have the last word before a jury. Finn says there are no juries there, but she says the one in her head. He asks if guilt works, and she says guilt and shame, as long as you do it to yourself. If she didn’t give herself a reasonable dose of guilt, what kind of person would she be? Finn says, human?

Anna tells Felicia that false reality is common in spy work. They got so good at pretending, they somehow convinced themselves. Felicia says she had them convinced. Anna says it was fun, surprisingly so. Felicia says there’s no shame in having fun. Anna says Faison is out there; Finn would be a target to use as leverage, like Robin. Felicia realizes she broke it off to protect him. Anna says she had to, and Felicia suggests she’s protecting herself from herself. Anna asks what she’s talking about, and Felicia says she’s shutting herself off because of Faison. She thinks they should talk about the real problem. The thing that makes her vulnerable. Anna says that’s if she cared about him, and Felicia says she does. Anna says that’s why he can’t be in her life. She has to push him away for both their sakes.

Alexis asks Finn what he would have said, and he says it can’t leave the room. She asks him to hand her a doughnut, calling it legal tender, and says she’s his lawyer now. He tells her that he’s really scared, and she asks what about? He tells her a couple years ago, he lost his wife to a disease that he cured, but not in time. He thought he’d never care about anyone again, but he was wrong. He and Hayden were going to marry and have baby, but it fell apart, and he lost them. He doesn’t want to lose anyone again; he doesn’t think he can take it. He says alcohol and drugs are just symptoms. What’s the real addiction? Alexis says it’s a who. A person caused her to make bad decisions, and sacrifice her integrity. She still sees him. Every time she turns around he’s there, and the worst part is, she loves him. it’s a hard habit to kick.

Julian tells Ava it’s her imagination. She says she doesn’t think it is, calling him “Charlie,” like Kim did. He asks how about her and ex priest? She tells him that Griff gave her a wonderful gift. She’s getting the treatment to remove her scars. If she can get a new lease on life, he can too.

Carly picks up a mitten outside of Kelly’s. She and Bobbie talk about how fast Josslyn grew up. Bobbie says it seems like another lifetime, even though it was just a few years ago. One minute, Lucas was an adorable little boy, she blinked, and he’s a doctor with a husband. They can’t keep them children forever. Carly looks through the window, and sees Josslyn and Oscar.

Diane tells Jason that he’s officially divorced, and gives him a copy of the paperwork. She says she did the best she could, considering his near suicidal generosity. Jason says it’s not about the money. Diane says it’s her job to safeguard his legal and financial interests, but if making Sam happy is his objective, he failed. She’ll never be happy with Drew. She might have been if Jason hadn’t come back, but he did, and she loves him. Even a lawyer can see that.

Bobbie tells Carly now’s her chance for that mother/daughter talk. In front of Oscar?

Finn tells Alexis that he’s better off alone, and she says they’re not supposed to be in a relationship for a year after starting the program. He says he’s talking about forever, but Alexis says that’s an abyss she doesn’t want to stare into. Finn thinks he’s at his best when on his own, and she asks if that’s an assessment or rationalization. He says both. She says she’s between scorched earth and uncharted territory, and has to keep an eye on the road. Finn says he has to stay on the road he knows, and out of the fast lane.

Felicia tells Anna that Finn was brave enough to take on the cartel; Faison isn’t going to scare him off. Anna says he has a knee-jerk knight-in-shining-armor thing, which wouldn’t be so bad, if his only weapons weren’t sarcasm and medical research. There are things he can’t know about for his own safety.

Spinelli tells Lulu if the story lands Faison in prison, Maxie will thank her. Lulu hopes he’s right. If anything happens, she won’t forgive herself.

Kim tells Maxie that she and the baby are doing fine. Maxie is glad it’s nothing, but wishes it didn’t feel like a swordfight in her belly. Kim says to keep stress to a minimum. When she’s out of earshot, Maxie asks Nathan how she’s supposed to do that, when she knows Faison is the baby’s grandfather. She just wants it to be over. Nathan says tomorrow is their wedding anniversary, and promises it will be a day she’ll treasure forever.

Sonny tells Jason that Diane is a pita, but most of the time, she’s right. Why not tell Sam that he loves her and wants her back? How will he know if he doesn’t ask? Spinelli gets an email from PK Sinclair saying he referred to the sequel, and asks if they read the end. Sonny asks how it ends.

Tomorrow, Kim talks to Oscar, Michael wants answers from Nelle, and Sonny says they’ll use Faison’s son to figure it out.

Vanderpump Rules

Rewind to the housewarming party. Around 1:30 am. Ariana doesn’t want to tell Brittany something she doesn’t want to hear, but Brittany says, let’s do it. Jax is laughing with his dudes in the kitchen. It reminds me of this picture in my wedding album. A friend’s date was partying with my husband’s friends, and it looks like he’s having the time of his life, laughing away. There’s a clock on the wall behind him, and I know that within an hour from then, people will be banging on the bathroom door where he’s locked himself in, and is getting sick. It’s like that moment when everything is THE BEST! and then it nosedives downhill. On the recording, Jax said he doesn’t want kids or marriage, and hasn’t had sex with Brittany in months. Brittany announces that she’s going to put it on speaker phone, and asks for everyone’s attention. Jax looks like he might pass out. She tells him he’s a piece of sh*t and should rot in hell. Jax is hustled out. Tom says Brittany doesn’t want to do this, but Ariana tells him to shut up. Jax asks Tom if he can explain what’s going on. The amazing part is that Jax has lived as long as he has being as stupid as he is.

James interrupts. Lala says she’s done with these men thinking they can do what they want. On the recording, Jax says Faith is the best sex he’s had. He’s not even attracted to Brittany anymore and doesn’t like being with her sexually. At Schwartz’s place, Jax says he cheated, did everything wrong, and he’s “going through it,” whatever that means. Tom slips away to get some alcohol. Jax throws a phone. Schwartz says it’s his phone, and he needs that.

The girls gather around Brittany. James tries to insert his opinion, which is a bad idea, and Stassi tells him to get the eff out. Jax tells the guys that the relationship is done. We can dream. James joins them, saying it was Lala and Ariana. Jax wonders why they’d do that. Tom thinks playing the recording after hours of drinking is a horrible idea, and wonders if Ariana is out of her mind. He’s disgusted, but having a hard time saying the word “disgusted,” since he’s drunk. Try “certificate of occupancy” sometime. Ariana says it was brought to her. Tom asks if she couldn’t have waited, but she says it was on Lala’s phone. She didn’t approach Brittany. Tom says she should have had the wherewithal to know it wasn’t the right time. In her interview, she says he’s taking d-bag Jax’s side instead of hers. She keeps telling him it’s not on her phone, and calls him a d*ck for having Jax’s back. She leaves, slamming the door behind her, and he says, get out of here. In that order. I laugh.

Lisa tells Peter that James is coming to see her. Like the leprechaun he is, James appears. He thought of a better name – James Kennedy presents See You Next Tuesday. Lisa is like, thanks for giving me a heads up. He feels like it’s going to be something fresh. She tells him to behave himself; it’s his night. In his interview, he says it’s make it or break it. He even passed out flyers, sweating like a prostitute, to make this party happen. He says he’s good to not drink for a week after the housewarming party, and tells Lisa about the recording. He says they played it, and it was awful. In his interview, he says he actually stole the recording off of Faith’s phone, and sent it to himself.

Lala, Tom, and Ariana go to Scheana’s for breakfast. Lala is extremely hungover. Tom wonders how the recording ended up in Brittany’s hands. Ariana says Brittany told them she wanted to know everything, but Tom thinks not in the wee hours of the morning, after she’s been drinking all night. Ariana says she’s not going to always have the best answer all the time, and is irritated that Tom is questioning her.

We see the aftermath of the housewarming party. I’d leave that mess for Jax. Jax comes in, and Brittany is cleaning the kitchen. He has no words. She asks what that means. She says she shouldn’t have played it, and he had no idea she was even going to hear it. He says she gave her word not to drag everyone else in, and she tells him quit trying to blame her. He’s embarrassed that he got caught, and is trying to turn it around. He says it was so wrong in so many ways. Brittany is so young. Why is she settling like this?

Ariana tells Tom that she can’t deal with someone saying she’s making sh*t up. Whenever he disagrees with her, he tells her what he would have done and how it would have been better. Tom just wants her to take responsibility, saying she never does that.

Brittany tells Jax to get mad at them, not her. She was drunk and pissed off, and had a right to be. She calls him a dirty human being who has no remorse. It’s his fault not hers. He tells her to take responsibility, and tells him she’s not doing this anymore.

Ariana says Tom doesn’t like her as a person, and they should just break the eff up. He asks when the last time was that she apologized to him for anything she’s done?

Lala talks to new girl Billie, who says she just went through a break up, and she’s starting over. He wanted to have kids, but she’s trans and can’t have her own. She exchanges numbers with Lala, who promises an invite to the next dramafest get together.

Stassi, Patrick, Katie, and Schwartz (a law firm) go to bar (a joke) hidden behind a bookshelf. In her interview, Stassi says you won’t find any commoners there. Stassi cracks me up. Katie says Schwartz has a man crush on Patrick. Katie tells Schwartz no Jager bombs; he’s been a bad boy. This prompts Schwartz to tell Patrick about making out with a friend of Lala’s when he was drunk. In his interview, he says Patrick is good at adulting, and he needs to get his sh*t together. Schwartz says he’s intimidated by Patrick’s wit being so on point. Patrick says if it rains, you can bring an umbrella, but can only control how you react to the rain. He’s a regular Confucius. Katie tells them about the recording. In her interview, Stassi says if your friends are a reflection of you, what must Patrick think?

James brings Lala and Tom along to the studio. Lala is doing some sampling, and Tom has brought his trumpet. James is hung over AF. He thinks people want him to fail, and Tom suggests not giving them a reason. Lala is pumped for James’s new gig. She’s happy to have him back on the mothership. Lala sings her three lines, and everyone thinks it’s amazing. Tom says his trumpet is an expression of his feelings, and he loses himself in the music. He calls it awesome, but I call it something else. Lala says it’s like being in a pack of baby dolphins learning to communicate for the first time, and I’d say that’s pretty accurate.

Katie and Stassi visit Brittany. Brittany says Jax stays in his room, and they haven’t even seen each other. She says he’s a different person whenever she talks to him, and she wants to be around her friends. In her interview, Stassi says six years ago, she was in the same position, and wonders when women will realize Jax isn’t worth dating. She tells Brittany that she didn’t do anything, Jax did. They agree it’s no way to live.

Peter has been given the task of keeping an eye on James. James says it’s crazy to be back at SUR. Ariana and Tom are working, but she’s barely speaking to him. He says he loves her, and wants to be able to work it out. Stassi wonders why Jax is there, and why he can’t let Brittany work in peace. Because he’s Jax. James tosses glow sticks to the crowd. Are those still a thing, or is he trying to make them happen again? He tells everyone to make some noise. He didn’t expect the crowd to be this big, and is getting a rush from playing his own music. Lisa thinks Jax isn’t there to support James, but to get under Brittany’s skin. She asks what about mea culpa, but Jax doesn’t know what that means. Schwartz explains, and Jax says he should have finished college. You mean he finished high school?

Scheana is hiding in the kitchen. She doesn’t want to serve Jax and the crowd. She’s upset about her boyfriend being accused of cheating. Katie comes back, and says it’s a mess out there. Ariana says every time she comes back to get something, she takes longer. Scheana asks if she and Katie can stop talking about each other’s relationships, and tells Katie the rumor about Rob is BS. In her interview, Katie says Scheana is obsessed with presenting Rob as perfect. She thinks it might be because people criticized her for moving on too fast after her divorce.

Lisa tells James, nice turnout. He says she saved him, and she says she had to give him tough love. He thanks her, and she tells him not to screw it up. He tells her she looks beautiful, and calls her my queen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Scheana says she’s sick of this Rob thing. People have nothing better to talk about it. Tom thinks she should stop talking about it, and she says she’s putting it to bed for real.

Brittany stops to see Lisa before she leaves for the night. Lisa says it’s gone from bad to worse. Brittany says they’re not talking, but he won’t leave. Lisa asks why put up with it, but Brittany doesn’t know. She knows she deserves better than this, but isn’t being strong right now. She says she’s really sad, and Lisa tears up. She wonders what Jax needs to do for Brittany to understand the relationship isn’t beneficial. She tells Brittany that she has the world at her feet, and not to go running back to Kentucky. In her interview, Brittany says it isn’t black and white. She tells Lisa that she’ll be fine when she gets her confidence back up. Lisa says she looks better than she has in months, and Brittany says, revenge body.

Scheana asks to talk to Jen. She tells Jen there’s a rumor about Rob making out with someone who works at the same place Jen does. (Not SUR.) Jen says it’s a friend of hers. She’d asked Jen if she knew Scheana, and said the guy she used to date is dating Scheana now, but kissed her the other night. Scheana says Rob made light of it, but Jen says it was probably more inappropriate than you’d want a boyfriend to behave. Somehow, Scheana turns this around to interpret it that Jen is telling her the same thing Rob did.

Tom and Ariana sit in the back, outside behind SUR. She’s glad the night is over. She says she and Tom get wrapped up in other people’s stress and the stress of working, and it’s not them or what she wants for them. Tom feels like she was put in a bad position, being given the information. Ariana says she was drunk, and didn’t know what to do. She feels like Tom didn’t hear her. In her interview, she thinks he could be more empathetic, and she needs to stop taking some things so personally. They apologize to each other for getting so angry.

Brittany calls her mom. She says they’ve been going through a lot. Her mom says hard to trust someone who cheats. Brittany thinks she should give another try at making things work out, but if he goes back to his old ways, they won’t be together. In her interview, Brittany tells us that her mother has been married four times. She just wants that one special man. Her mom tells her to follow her heart, and Brittany says she’s been praying about it. Everyone deserves forgiveness, even Jax. While I agree, forgiveness doesn’t mean you stick around to let them do it again. It’s not dispensation from consequence.

Brittany goes into the living room, otherwise known as Camp Jax. She says it will be bad for a while, but she loves him too much not to try. She wants them to get therapy, and the way he talks to her has to change. He says what about how they talk to each other. She’s like, seriously? Me too. I hate that stuff, trying to defect the problem by shoving it onto the other person. She tells him that she’s taking a risk to stay; it’s embarrassing. He says it’s not his fault – I have no words – but she says it is; he’s the one who did it. He says he should have handled it differently. In his interview, he says it takes two, and it’s not all him. Cheating was wrong, but what did it take for him to do that? Even if he believes the crap that comes out of his own mouth, he must be extra stupid to say these things out loud. Why? Why does she stay with him? Does she watch this show? Brittany wants Jax to swear he’ll change. He knows what he has to do, but wishes he could hit pause. He wants one day without thinking about it. He promises nothing will ever happen again. I just can’t.

Next time, Pride Day (didn’t we just do that?), Scheana cries, Lala has it out with James, and Brittany’s mom visits.

👱 RelationShep had its finale tonight. Peyton and Priscilla were left, but Shep didn’t pick either one. Instead, he went to NYC, and hunted Bella down. She was the brunette he did the mystery room adventure thing with, where they had to find a key to get themselves out. At the end, we were told to tune into Southern Charm if we want to see how it turned out. Was this just one big commercial for Southern Charm? Regardless, it was fun to watch, and I hope Shep gets a love connection out of it. He revisited some interesting family trivia tonight. His family bred the first Boykin Spaniels, and we got to see a couple of puppies. I don’t see another season of this happening, although if sparks fly, he and Bella might be a fun couple to watch. Mostly fluff, it was nice to see something lighthearted in the midst of all the drama.

BoykinSpaniel

The Boykin Spaniel (it kind of looks like Shep)

 

Jan9

January 8, 2018 – Eric Confesses, Jax is the Worst Person in the World, a Little Shep & Happy Birthday to the King

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

Jordan tells Dante that every once in a while, justice prevails.

Finn gets ready to leave the hospital. Anna says she doesn’t recall a doctor telling him that he’s discharged. Finn says he’s a doctor. He needs to tell the police he killed Cassandra.

Nathan tells Maxie the genetic component has to have crossed her mind. She says of course, but she doesn’t think the baby will turn out like Faison. Lulu overhears, and wants to know what’s going on. Nathan says, might as well get used to saying it out loud. Caesar Faison is his father.

Carly comes home to Josslyn dancing to her iPod in a sexy red dress. She tells Carly it’s for the ball. The Mad Hatter’s Ball is the biggest school dance of the year. It’s in February, but she’s planning ahead. Carly suggests she leave the tags on in case she finds something better (which I translate to something less adult), and asks if Kim knows Oscar asked her to the dance. Josslyn says he hasn’t yet, but he’s coming over to talk about something important. She goes upstairs, and Carly says her baby is growing up fast.

Jason tells Sonny that Spinelli is in shock about his daughter having a step-sibling related to Faison, but he knows Spinelli will step up and make it okay for Georgie and Maxie. Sonny says he’s odd, but a nice guy. They agree they need to find someone to help find Faison’s other son.

Sam tells Drew he knows his own heart, and asks what he wants to do. He says love and honor her the rest of their days. She suggests they get married today. He likes it, and says let’s go to city hall.

Anna asks Finn why he doesn’t concentrate on getting better, and when a doctor agrees with his diagnosis, they can do New Year’s Eve. She tells him he’s not going to the police. He was drugged, and doesn’t recollect well. Finn says he and Cassandra were the only two there. She might be able to dismiss it, but he can’t.

Jordan asks Dante to leave copy of his paperwork on her desk. She’s leaving to see Anna. She feels badly about how she left things, and wants Anna and Finn to know the operation is over. It’s one less thing for them to worry about.

Finn wants to confess before the police come after him. Anna says he has no memory of hurting Cassandra, but even if he did, he was protecting himself. Finn says he was protecting her, and the police should understand. Anna says he’s not saying a damn thing about what happened. Sonny interrupts, asking if it’s a bad time. Anna tells Finn to get some rest, and goes into the hallway to talk to Sonny.  Jason says they need to talk to her about Faison’s son.

Lulu is like, omg, and asks if Obrecht has any idea where Faison is. Nathan says even if she did, it’s doubtful she’d tell them. Lulu explains that she wants to interview him, and Maxie tells her that an interview with Beyoncé would be easier to arrange, and the subject wouldn’t try to kill her. (Not unless she’s Becky with the good hair anyway.) Nathan says the baby has absorbed enough stress for one day, and he’s got to get to work. Maxie says she and the baby will be fine. When he’s gone, Maxie tells Lulu that she’s terrified. Faison is a sociopath, and what if the baby inherits his genes?

Carly asks Josslyn how things are with Oscar and Drew. Josslyn says fine, and Oscar went to the Quartermaines for Christmas. Carly mentions the CD that Oscar made for Josslyn, and asks if it’s significant. Josslyn is saved by the doorbell. It’s Oscar.

Drew says they have the documents together, and tells Sam, let’s go get hitched. He looks at something, and says they’ve got a problem. Sam asks, what now? and he tells her to read the fine print. They have to wait 24 hours after the license is issued. He asks if she knows any judges. She’s sure her mother does, but doesn’t want everyone to be alerted. She suggests they just get the license now. He tells her that he meant every vow the first time, and they kiss.

Carly makes herself scarce. Josslyn asks Oscar what’s so important?

Jason tells Anna it’s been confirmed that Faison has at least one son – Nathan. I love how Anna is relatively unfazed by this. Sonny explains how he walked in on a family situation, and Obrecht blurted it out. Anna wonders why they’re bringing this to her, and Jason says Nathan isn’t the son they’re looking for. Britt told them about a traitor who allowed Jason to stay alive. Sonny says a manuscript was dropped off to Faison that they know he didn’t write. They think the character of the protagonists’s son is PK Sinclair, and also Faison’s son who double-crossed him by keeping Jason alive. They have to find him before Faison does. Sonny asks if Anna knows of any other woman in Faison’s life. She can think of one in particular.

Dante tells Nathan the case is closed, and Nathan congratulates him. Dante asks if everything is okay, and Nathan says for now. He hopes it stays that way, now that he found out who his father is.

Lulu tells Maxie to calm down. Stress is no good for the baby. Maxie says neither is a psychopath for a grandfather. Lulu says she doesn’t think Maxie’s noble act is the way to go. Maxie asks what she’s supposed to do? Blubber to Nathan, and tell him the baby might end up like its grandfather? Lulu says the baby already has the best parents; it doesn’t matter. Maxie says it does.

Finn hears the door open, and says don’t even think of ordering him back to bed. Jordan says she wasn’t thinking about it, and he says he was just about to go see her. She tells him that she wants to talk to him about Cassandra Pearce. Who I keep wanting to call Cassandra Peterson (aka Elvira).

Maxie talks about recession genes skipping a generation, and Lulu tells her that she means recessive. She insists that Faison’s issues won’t be passed on through DNA. Nathan is amazing, and it comes from inside. That’s what he’ll pass on to the baby. Maxie wants to believe her, but wonders how she can be so sure.

Nathan tells Dante that he always knew something was off with his mother’s story, but it didn’t matter until he needed the medical records for the baby. He never imagined it’s what they’d find. His father is Caesar Faison. His mother was devoted to him, but knew Faison wasn’t father material, so she hid Nathan. Dante says he’s sorry, and Nathan says, so is he. His father is one of the ten most wanted criminals. He feels sick. How is he supposed to go forward and forget? Dante says he can’t; he has to learn to live with it.

Anna says Desiree was a French woman, devoted to Faison, who would have done anything for him, but she’s been dead for decades. Jason says if there was a son, there must be a record. Anna says she doubts it. Faison is a master at covering his tracks, so there’s probably no trace. Anna says she’ll let the WSB know what they’ve uncovered, and they should get on with their lives. Sonny says they want to make sure he’s gone for good, and she tells him to let the authorities handle it. Jason says they need to know, but she says that Faison already took five years from him; don’t let him take more. She leaves, and Sonny thinks there’s a helluva lot more she’s not saying.

Oscar wants to talk to Josslyn about something. He tells her that he finished the book about Edward last night. Josslyn wonders why he came over to talk about the book, and he says it’s super messed up. Lies, affairs, greed; he can’t believe they’re related. Josslyn asks if she shouldn’t have given it to him, but he says after reading it, he feels like a multi-faceted, interesting, legit person now. Carly shows up with snacks, and asks what going on? Josslyn says, absolutely nothing.

Jordan tells Finn that she thought Anna would be there. There’s been a development in the case. Finn says he knows why she’s here, and he’ll make it easier for the both of them. It’s time he told the truth. She asks if he’s making an official statement. He says he is, and she asks if he’s in shape to do that. He says he has to get it out. The memories aren’t clear, but he’s pretty sure – Anna cuts in, telling Jordan what he’s trying to say, is that he went after Cassandra, but was too incapacitated to do it. Jordan says that pans out. They know who drugged her and left her to die.

Dante isn’t comparing his and Nathan’s situations, saying Sonny is deeply flawed, but he does have a code and a conscience. He has no idea what it’s like to go through what Nathan is. Dante tells Nathan about being undercover, and not knowing Sonny was his father, until Sonny tried to kill him. Dante was filled with rage, and didn’t know what to do with it. He didn’t want to take it out on his mother, and had to choose. He chose the things they shared, and rejected what they didn’t. Nathan is a grown-ass man (Assman Landers – sorry, I had to). He knows who he is. He already rejected Faison without trying. He grew up privileged, and could have used that to his benefit, but chose to be a good man. That’s not going to change.

Lulu tells Maxie that the baby will grow up safe, healthy, and happy. She can’t wait to meet the individual they’ll raise. She knows the both of them, and knows it’s a safe, stable home. Maxie says like with Charlotte, and Lulu says that’s why she fought for custody. The Cassadines are a nightmare, but there’s a lot to nurture vs nature. Maxie is grateful for Lulu’s friendship. She’s even grateful that Obrecht gave Nathan to her sister to raise. Lulu says, so Faison doesn’t know? Maxie says she’s got to go, and jets.

Carly asks Josslyn if she’s sure everything is okay, and Josslyn says it’s fine. Oscar asks if he did something wrong. Josslyn says no, he’s just being complex and multi-faceted. He asks if they’re having a fight, and she says maybe. He tells her he’s sorry, and she asks for what? He says he did something, but he’s not sure what. Josslyn tells him to go. He leaves, and Carly comes back. Josslyn tells her that Oscar is a jerk, and Carly asks what he did. Josslyn says he didn’t ask her to the ball. The doorbell rings. Josslyn doesn’t want to see Oscar. Carly answers, and says she’ll want to see this. Oscar comes in wearing a giant Mad Hatter hat, and says some lines from Alice in Wonderland. He asks Josslyn to the ball.

Sonny talks to Britt on the phone, telling her the time frame is the late 80s or early 90s. He knows it’s like a needle in a haystack, but it’s all they have. He tells Jason that if anyone can find Desiree, it’s Britt. He thinks the kindest thing for Anna would be to put a bullet in Faison’s head, but they have to find him first. Jason wants to make sure he never hurts anyone else; the answers won’t change anything. Sonny asks if that’s because Sam is staying with Drew.

Drew tells Sam it’s no big deal. They just have to wait a little longer.

Jordan says Cassandra’s accomplice, Eric, confessed. He didn’t know her intentions, and had no stomach for murder. Finn says, but he tried to murder Cassandra? Jordan says that after Anna and Valentin overpowered him – Anna interjects that it was just her doing the overpowering – Eric went back to Anna’s house to confront Cassandra. He told her that he was out. Cassandra attacked him with a syringe, and he turned the tables. He heard Anna come in, and he hid. Anna asks if he moved the body, and Jordan says that’s his statement. This chapter is closed for the two of them. They’re free to live their lives, and see what the new year holds. Anna thanks her for coming in person,

After Jordan leaves, Finn asks Anna if she believes it. She doesn’t know. She didn’t think Eric had a conscience, but all she cares about is that it cleared him. Finn thinks maybe Jordan is right, and they should see what the new year holds, starting with getting out of there.

Sam tells Drew there’s no time like the present.

Sonny says Jason didn’t mention anything about New Year’s Eve. He has nothing to say, and Sonny says that Carly said something happened between him and Sam. Before Jason can answer, Sam calls. She needs to see Jason, and asks him to come to the office; the sooner the better. He tells Sonny that he has to go.

Sam tells Drew that Jason is on his way. Drew asks if she wants him there, or does she want to do it alone?

Josslyn asks if Oscar set her up, leading her on to crush her, then asking her to the ball? He says he started second guessing himself, and was afraid she thought it might be lame. She didn’t mention the dance, so he thought she wasn’t interested. She’s unique, and maybe it’s not cool enough for her, so he panicked. When she kicked him out, he realized he was being dumb and he’d never know if he didn’t ask, so he figured he’d go big or go home. Josslyn says he really is a little mad, but like Alice said, all the best people are, so she’ll be his date.

Nathan says Faison is dangerous, even more so if he knows he has a grandchild. He needs to find Faison and shut him down. Dante says Faison hasn’t lived this long being stupid. He needs to do what he can to smoke him out and put him behind bars.

Maxie goes to see Sonny. She apologizes for her rudeness, and starts to babble, saying she needs to tell him something. He suggests she take a breath, telling her breathing is good for the baby. She says what’s also good for the baby is him swearing he won’t tell anyone that Faison is the grandfather.

Josslyn puts on the hat, and Oscar says it looks better on her. Carly comes back in, and says it looks like everything worked out. Oscar says he’d like to take Josslyn to the ball, and Carly suggests she not wear the hat. He has to go, but he’s glad he asked her. Josslyn says she’s glad she said yes. She walks Oscar to the door, saying it’s going to be a special night. Not just the dance. She has something that’s going to blow his mind. Carly overhears.

Sam tells Drew it’s simpler if she handles it alone, She wants to accomplish it with minimal friction. He says he’ll be in his office, and she tells him that she has this.

Maxie is freaked that Anna knows, but Sonny says she’s an experienced WSB agent, and she’s family. If anyone can protect the baby, it’s her. Maxie says it’s a deep, dark secret, and already three people know. Sonny swears no one is hearing it from him or Jason. She has his word. She says Spinelli promised not to say anything until he needs to tell Georgie. Sonny tells her not to borrow trouble, but she says it’s already here. If Faison finds out, who knows what he’ll do.

Nathan says he can’t change past, but can put stop to it now. Dante says he’s with him, and goes to finish up. Lulu comes in, and says Nathan must have contacts and leads she doesn’t know about, and vice versa. How about working together to bring Faison down for good?

Dante tells Jordan that he’s leaving for the day, and asks how Anna is. She says for a moment, it seemed like Finn was confessing, but it’s not possible. One look at him, and you could tell he couldn’t swat a fly, let alone carry a body out and dump it. They have a signed confession, and everybody is happy. Dante doesn’t look too happy though.

Anna tells Finn he can’t leave without a doctor signing off, but he says he needs to get out. She’s not fighting him if he insists on leaving, but if he does, she insists on him coming home with her.

Sam looks at a picture of her and Drew. Jason arrives at Sam’s office. They give each other a long soap opera look.

Tomorrow, Ned says he’s not running for mayor, Michael sees Nelle for who she is, and Sam tells Jason that she needs a divorce.

Vanderpump Rules

The entire SUR tribe of servers gathers at Schwartz and Katie’s apartment. Tom says Schwartz is such a good friend, he’s trying to take the heat off of Jax. Schwartz tells Jax that apparently he got drunk and made out with a chick. Katie comes home, and says she didn’t remember inviting Jax, so he goes back to his apartment on his motorized cooler. I’m not kidding. I’m watching this big guy motor down the hall, sitting on a cooler. He tells us it makes for a quick getaway. Jax is like a cartoon character.

With the gang all there, Katie says it’s the last time Schwartz is using the excuse of getting wasted, If he wants to be married to her, he’s not drinking like that anymore. Schwartz tells her that she’s not going to tell him what to do. Wrong move. She stands up, and says she can’t believe he’s the same guy she married, and everyone wept over their vows. She trusted him, and feels like she doesn’t even know him. Wait. Who’s that extra dude on the couch?

At SUR, Lauren asks Lala if she remembers how everything works, and Lala says Lauren will probably see her looking confused. She thanks Lisa for having her back, and Lisa tells her to be consistent. If Lala runs away, she’s not chasing her.

Jax asks Brittany if she’s still ready for the housewarming party. Jax thinks it will make it harder for his friends to talk sh*t about him if they drink his booze and eat his food. Brittany’s goal is to have a night where they hang out with their friends, and the focus isn’t on the relationship. Katie asks Lala if she can step away and talk. She’s wondering what possessed Lala to talk about Schwartz’s indiscretion.

Katie tells Lala she thought they were cool, and asks why Lala is talking to Scheana about her relationship. Lala says Scheana told her Katie had been making comments about her relationship, and she felt like her dukes were up again. Katie says she can’t argue with it, but thinks Scheana took the opportunity to throw her under the bus. She apologizes to Lala. Katie wants the deets, and Lala says he kept accidentally calling her friend “Bubba.” In her interview, Katie says it makes her stomach turn. She says the marriage has been bliss, and she wants him to get his sh*t together.

Lisa arrives at the bar, and asks for half a glass of rosé, which is like a full glass in some bars. She and Katie go somewhere private. Katie tells her that Schwartz claims he blacked out and doesn’t remember. Lisa says a partnership is like a marriage, and she’s not putting up with the BS Katie is. Katie doesn’t want it to ruin Schwartz’s opportunity, but Lisa says she’s going to talk to him, and he has every reason to be scared.

Harrison! Lisa gives the flower arranger instructions on how to make it look better. She tells Stassi she just got a ticket for not quite stopping at a stop sign, and she’s kind of guilty. She gives Stassi kudos for Guillermo’s party. She says it’s going to be Harrison’s birthday soon, but Stassi’s not there yet. Stassi tells Lisa about the housewarming party. Lisa can’t begin to understand it. Stassi says Brittany should be looking for a new apartment, not warming this one. Despite her feelings, she wants to go, and Lisa says nothing has changed.

The guys go to a painting class. Schwartz says it’s like a more mellow version of a Hunter S. Thompson adventure. A huge question mark hangs over my head. Schwartz isn’t drinking today because he’s going to see Katie later. Tom breaks out some absinthe, and convinces him to take one shot. Like James, Schwartz calls it the green fairy. We flash back to Jax’s night of drinking absinthe with James. I flash back to a night of drinking it with my friend Jane. We ended up singing show tunes in the park. Tom paints a penis on his apron. Jax asks Schwartz how it’s going, and Tom asks about Brittany. Jax says she’s out with the girls right now.

Brittany tells the girls she’s doing better. She was hoping Jax would be a better person, even though her brain tells her he can’t.

Schwartz asks if Jax is on probation, but Jax says more like community service. He asks how it’s possible Schwartz doesn’t remember, but Schartz says he told Katie he’d take a lie detector test. Their paintings are actually not bad.

Brittany talks about the party with Katie and Kristen. She says she doesn’t really know Lala. Katie says Lala claims Scheana triggered her. In her interview, Katie says Scheana’s boyfriend is also playing games. Kristen says Jen from SUR also works in another restaurant, and saw Rob kiss a girl there. When she pulled up a picture of him and Scheana, asking if she was his girlfriend, he was vague. She thinks he’s going to break Scheana’s heart. Ohh, he must be the mystery guy from the couch.

Scheana says she finally feels like she’s with a man. She’s finally with someone who works. Tom and Ariana come for dinner to new boyfriend Rob’s place, where Scheana has hired a private chef. They marvel over the house. Tom jokes that it’s almost as nice as their place. Scheana says it’s the opposite of her relationship with Shay, and we flash back to them eating take-out on the coffee table. Rob makes a pretentious toast, and Tom is impressed. He says he’s not Rob-sessed, but he gets why Scheana is with him. In her interview, Ariana isn’t sure which of the three of them is more in love with Rob. Rob says dessert is like sex, and Scheana says good thing he’s getting both tonight. Tom mumbles to Ariana, asking if they can be on that level. Scheana has a countdown app on her phone that tells her how long until she’s officially divorced. A little over a month to go now.

Schwartz brings his painting of Tom home. He says it’s his way of saying sorry. Katie wonders why he didn’t paint her instead. He confesses to his one absinthe shot. Katie says she talked to Lala, and tells him about calling the girl “Bubba.” She says Lisa is actually upset. She asked him to be a partner, and is concerned about him getting drunk to the point of blacking out. He promises not to be douchey, but he can’t imagine not hanging out with the guys. Katie says they’re married; he’s not married to his friends. He thinks that’s a stupid statement, so obviously doesn’t understand what married means.

Ariana and Lala go shopping. Ariana is glad to have her back at SUR. Lala says Brittany is a bigger person than she is. She wishes every woman would know their worth. Ariana says there’s no actual consequences, and Lala thinks dogs should be put in the doghouse. She asks Ariana how it’s going with Tom, and Ariana says she doesn’t really want anyone touching her who-ha. She explains that she’s always had issues with her body, and they were reinforced by an abusive relationship. When they started dating, everything was exciting, and it wasn’t there, but now it’s taking up space in her head. Lala says she literally talks to and thanks every part of her body every morning. She thinks Ariana should get into that routine, and says she’s perfection.

Schwartz and Katie bring their dogs to Vanderpup Pets for some grooming. Lisa asks Schwartz to talk upstairs. He feels like a dead man walking, and says it figures his last meal was a Lean Pocket, not even a Hot Pocket. He tells Lisa that he knows he took it too far, but doesn’t remember anything; it’s an unfortunate, sloppy accident. Lisa says she’s not just invested in his relationship, but they have a partnership. It’s like a marriage, and you have to treat each other with respect. She wonders if he’s going to tell her he blacked out, banged the waitress, doesn’t know where the money is, and lost the keys. It’s time to grow the eff up. He says he’s taking it seriously, and she tells him to take his wife seriously. In her interview, Lisa says Schwartz nearly woke up without his wife, and next time, it will be without his business partner. Schwartz apologizes Katie.

Kristen and Scheana help Brittany set up for the party. Brittany says it was Jax’s idea, but her girls are coming, and she knows they have her back. Kristen tells Scheana about Rob kissing a hostess at another restaurant. She showed him a photo of the two of them and asked if it wasn’t his girlfriend, and he mumbled no. Scheana isn’t believing it. She says they hardly kiss. He’s not a kisser, and she finds it not believable. I don’t care how nice his house is. If a man wasn’t a kisser, I’d dump him immediately. Kristen says Katie felt attacked, and it was brought to her attention. Scheana thought it was her obligation as Lala’s friend to tell her about what Katie said. In her interview, she thinks Katie is the devil. Kristen says Scheana is doing that fake thing, but Scheana says she’s known Rob for eleven years, and he’d never do something like that. Uh-huh.

James brings a toilet paper cake, since Jax is a piece of sh*t. Brittany’s only rule is that everyone has to be drunk.

Schwartz thinks he needs a new haircut. One that reflects how he used to black out, but is reformed now, even though he still likes to get drunk. Katie does not find his joking amusing.

Drinking games happen. Katie thinks Schwartz looks like a kid with chicken pox watching his friends play outside. Scheana is texting with Rob that what Kristen claims happened is BS. Jax thinks she wouldn’t notice Rob unless he was in the background of one of her selfies. Scheana talks to Stassi about how the first month without Shay was difficult, but now she’s looking forward to getting a house with Rob one day. In her interview, Stassi says Scheana is acting like they’re best friends, and her babbling is the reason they’re not close friends. She says nothing truthful or real. Scheana babbles some more, and Stassi needs another cocktail.

Lots of shotskis are hoisted. James raps while Tom is the rhythm section. Jax talks to Rob privately about how he wanted attention, and now he’s in a bad place and wants to fix it. Brittany comes in, and asks what’s happening? She thinks Jax should be talking to her, and says he’s treated her like sh*t. Lala and Kristen listen in. Brittany says she put her belief in Jax because she loves him. Jax applauds, and says the Oscar goes to Brittany. Oh boy, was that a bad move. Brittany walks out, saying eff ya’ll. Ugh. I can’t stand Jax.

Brittany goes back to the party. Lala tells Ariana about Jax yelling at Brittany. She tells Ariana that Faith had audio on the phone from when they got together, with Jax saying he’s never going to marry her. James had gotten it, and sent it to her. In his interview, James says it’s awkward, because he’s friends with Faith and Jax. Brittany is a sweet girl, and it’s a mess. Lala wonders if she should tell Brittany. Ariana thinks Jax is a despicable human being. Most definitely. Lala says Jax doesn’t deserve any woman, much less one like Brittany, but she doesn’t want to ruin Brittany’s night. Ariana asks if she’d rather ruin Brittany’s life. Good point, but they might want to wait until a moment of sobriety.

But no. Lala calls her over. Ariana says she loves Brittany so much. Lala asks to talk to her for a second, and Ariana keeps saying she’s sorry. Brittany is like, what happened now? and Ariana tells her about the audio. Brittany says, let’s do it, and listens. Jax is all happy with his bros in the kitchen, but not for long. Brittany says, are you effing kidding me? and storms in, calling Jax a piece of sh*t. She tells him rot in hell, and get the eff out.

Next time, DJ James is back, Brittany wants Jax gone, and Tom screams at Ariana.

👱 The girls on RelationShep have moved to private quarters, much to everyone’s relief. I have to admit to my hat being off to Cameran, who I sometimes don’t like too much on Southern Charm. It was her idea, and shows that they’re both concerned about the comfort of the ladies. Shep called it quits with young Kylie, who he realized he has little in common with. He told her that she’s still “green,” and needs to explore the world for herself, and he’s more of a pirate who likes some arrgh! in his life. Now, only Priscila and Peyton are left, and I’m leaning toward Priscila.

🚓  I need a partner in crime, and you’re the law. – Shep giving Kylie the big kiss off

🎶 🎤 Happy Birthday to The King of Rock and Roll 👑

When I was a child, ladies and gentlemen, I was a dreamer. I read comic books, and I was the hero of the comic book. I saw movies, and I was the hero in the movie. So every dream that I ever dreamed, has come true a hundred times… I learned very early in life that, “Without a song, the day would never end. Without a song, a man ain’t got a friend. Without a song, the road would never bend.” So I keep singing a song. – Elvis Presley, from the Elvis Presley newsletter

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Elvis

 

Jan2

January 1, 2018 – A Vanderpump Mini-cap & a Little Shep

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

Although today was a holiday, Bravo decided not to take the night off. Andy Cohen is still on his endless vacation, but Lisa Vanderpump and Shep Rose were still at work, and had new episodes tonight. I rode the fence by watching, and making a CliffsNotes version of the usual post. Not nearly as annoyingly detailed, but possibly still rambling. It’s going to be another week of not knowing what day it is.

Vanderpump Rules

Tom and Schwartz met with Ken and Lisa about the new restaurant, TomTom. Having partied with Jax the night before, the Toms prepped by listening to Eminem’s Lose Yourself multiple times. The meeting was at Villa Rosa, so, Giggy! Harrison! Lisa hadn’t been too thrilled with Tom’s negativity, and was thisclose to severing ties. She finally relented, with the guys kicking in $50K each for 5% ownership each, considerably less than Lisa’s original request of $120K for 10%. In her interview, Lisa said she just pulled the figure out of her “English ass,” but it was highly unlikely that they could get the restaurant off the ground for $1.2 million.

Jax came home while the girls were still there, griping that it was his house. He started in with the I-pay-for-everything crap, and Brittany lost her cool, smacking him around and telling him to get out. He refused to budge, then tried to deflect the blame, saying it was the fault of Brittany’s girlfriends, who filled her head with nonsense. This went over about as well as you’d think it would.

Lala started her return on the right foot by telling Scheana and Ariana that Schwartz made out with one of her friends when he was drunk – after he was married to Katie. The friend said he kept calling her “Bubba,” which is their pet name for each other, so who knows? Maybe he thought she was Katie. Claiming that she had intended to keep it to herself, Lala made this announcement in retaliation for Katie saying her boyfriend is married. During a private conversation. With big mouth Scheana present. Lala declared Katie no longer safe, because Katie “messed with her relationship.” Funny though, I could have sworn Lala said he was separated on Watch What Happens Live. Regardless, it seemed like an overreaction. Katie had actually apologized afterwards, but Scheana left that part out. Of course, nothing is private with this group, so Katie took her chances. Lala immediately reverted back to her creepy, insecure ways by hoping Katie’s marriage came to an end over this.

Stassi planned LVP’s partner Guillermo’s birthday party at SUR, and Lisa seemed pleased with the results. Stassi had the guests take Polaroid selfies and put them in a scrapbook for the birthday boy, which is an idea I love. Ariana called Schwartz out about Lala’s friend in private during the party, and he claimed not to remember. Déjà vu, anyone? No surprise, the news traveled fast, and Schwartz said, I have no recollection, more times than I could count, and compared himself to a werewolf. Lisa was like, wtf? and told us she’s taking it personally, since she was their officiant. Katie was wearing amazing gigantic black and gold earrings, and it was like the battle of the earrings when she was talking to Lisa, who had humongous gold and gemstone danglers hanging from her ears. It kept diverting my attention.

At another bar, Jax and James got drunk on absinthe, which James described tasting like a little green fairy that goes down your throat and rips your balls off. That really doesn’t sound like much fun to me. Next time, Katie lays down the law to Schwartz.

👱  RelationShep continues to be a fun watch. Andy Cohen referred to Shep as a human Golden Retriever, and I think that’s pretty accurate. He’s goodhearted and pleasant, and has better manners than the Golden I had. The girls seem nice enough, but now they’ve been shoved together in a house, which doesn’t always bring out the best in people. Tonight, after “over-drinking,” houseguest Peyton grumbled to Shep, wondering what he could possibly see in someone fresh out of college, referring to Kylie, who is twenty-two. To be fair, Shep had asked Peyton how it was going, and she started by telling him it was an awkward dating situation. She ended up walking out (of the conversation, not the house), and Shep considered this a “public confrontation.” I guess it is where he comes from, but I would have considered it more like cross words in the kitchen. Shep and Cameran (Southern Charm) met for lunch, and she told him it could be a signal that Peyton is needy. I’d like to know how Cameran would have felt if she had to live with several women vying for her man. Arden realized that, although Shep is a nice guy, there was no connection, and packed her bags. Summer showed up uninvited, and Shep felt the only right decision would be to put her up in a hotel. When she arrived, complete with her French bulldog, and was told she couldn’t stay there, she did not seem too happy about it. I would have let the dog stay. Many of the Southern Charmers have made appearances, since the house is in Charleston. Unlike The Bachelor, the next step is for the final four to live in separate dwellings, which at least alleviates some of the pressure. It seems Shep feels it as well, knowing that, like dogs with bones, the girls are keeping an eye on him and noting how much time he spends with each. I’ve always had multiple pets, and there have been a few I would swear mentally logged how much attention I paid to the other ones. These contestants/houseguests/potential girlfriends are kind of like that.

🎉 Hope your New Year’s Eve was everything you wanted, and nothing you didn’t.

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Casey in New Year’s Eve Formalwear

 

 

Dec19

December 18, 2017 – A Missing Disco Ball, the Return of Lala & a Pinch of 90

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

Since The I Hate This Show Right Now Walking Dead is done for the season, I took Sunday night off. Off of here anyway.  It was past time to Christmas up the house.

General Hospital

Franco used to be able to lie and sleep like a baby, but now it hurts not to tell Elizabeth things. He says there’s something he should have told her a while ago. She takes him where they can have some privacy, and says they’ll figure it out together.

At the MetroCourt, Jason calls Robin, and says things are still complicated. He needs to get in touch with Anna. Carly sees Sonny at the bar. They make holiday small talk about having fun. Zzzz…

Anna and Jordan run into each other in the park. Jordan says it’s nice to see the community coming together. She tells Anna that Andre was transferred, and seemed almost relieved. Anna says a secret like that, and watching the fallout, takes its toll. Jordan says it’s not over yet – not even close.

Drew tells Sam they’re not legally married. He meant every word of the vows, but needs to say them again in his own name. He asks her to marry him, but she says they are married. The vows are still real; names don’t count for anything. He says they do out in the world, and he wants things to be right. How much they love each other hasn’t changed. They kiss.

Maxie meets Lulu at Kelly’s. She asks if Maxie can team up with her for something worthwhile. She wants to host a food drive for feeding America.

Sam and Drew talk about all the different areas they have to deal with regarding the name change. Drew adds Oscar, and tells her about their awkward conversation. She says it will be an adjustment – like everything. They’ll work it out. He calls her Mrs. Kane. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Oscar. Sam leaves them to talk.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he may have learned the truth before everyone else. Okay, he did learn it before everyone else. After Jason came through the skylight, he confronted Andre, who admitted faking the death certificate. She says he told her, and the sky didn’t fall. She has questions, but is surprised he knew. He says he knew more than that.

Jordan tells Anna about a case where the wife knew nothing about her husband’s criminal activities, and how she’d judged her. She promised herself it would never happen to her, and she’s a cop, trained to look for clues. She had no idea about Andre; he never even raised a red flag. Anna says she was unaware as well, and some people are gifted with compartmentalizing. Maybe after he realized he couldn’t save his wife, he created a reality he could live with, and it worked for a while. Jordan says until his past caught up with him. Anna’s phone rings. Jason asks her to meet him at the MetroCourt. Jordan asks if everything is okay, but Anna isn’t sure

Jason joins Sonny and Carly. They talk about Spinelli being the best one to check over the manuscript. Sonny says, unless he gets distracted by the story. Ha-ha! Sam comes in, and asks Carly about settling the bill for the launch party. They go out in the hallway, and Carly asks if really abut the bill. Sam says yes, then admits it’s no. Drew just pointed out obvious, that they’re not legally married, and he asked her to marry him again. Carly asks what she said.

Drew Is glad Oscar dropped by. Their meeting didn’t go the way he’d hoped. Oscar says maybe they should forget it. No point in forcing it if Drew isn’t interested. Drew says he wanted to give Oscar space, but he is interested. He just doesn’t want to pressure Oscar, but hopes he’s interested too.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he wanted to know who was who, and Andre sent him a printed document, saying he’d know what to do with it. Elizabeth is shocked he knew and had proof. He says he went back and forth, but didn’t want to tell her something that would upset her. She’s at a loss. Two men literally had their lives stolen, and he could have proved everything. She asks him why, and he says, Jason.

Jason tells Sonny about the memory baseline. Sonny says the transfer was just a preliminary step to something bigger. Brick is working on getting the files from Russia. He says the money was laundered six ways to Sunday, and it will take a long time. Jason thanks him, saying he must be spending a bundle on the investigation. Sonny says he has his right hand back, and the investment is even better than he thought.

Sam tells Carly that she’s in love with Drew; they have a family and a child. Carly says she has a family and a child with Jason. Sam says, had; there’s difference. Carly tells her that she has time to think. Sam says it’s just a name, and it shouldn’t change anything. Carly gets what she’s doing, but wouldn’t be able to do it herself. She says Sam loves Jason, and no matter how well she guards her heart, it will eventually come out. Sam says she’s not denying it, and Carly says even if she doesn’t say the words, Drew probably knows. He’s out there thinking he’s doing the noble thing, and she’s doing the same, but no one is happy. Not Drew, not Jason, and especially not her.

Lulu says while she was doing research on the school lunch program, she found out that one in four Americans go hungry every day. They don’t talk about it, so it becomes an invisible problem. A lot of them live in urban deserts, where fresh produce isn’t available, so she wants to concentrate on that. Maxie asks how, and tells her that she needs to get the word out. Lulu says that’s why she came to her.

Franco says Jason hates him like God hates sin, and has a certain amount of influence over her. Elizabeth asks if Franco thought she’d dump him if Jason said so. Franco says Jason can’t get past the terrible things he did, even though it wasn’t him back then. He’s thinks Jason will come up with something to make him pay. Elizabeth asks if he thinks Jason will hurt him. Franco says it wouldn’t surprise him, but he’s afraid of Jason changing her viewpoint on him. He didn’t tell the truth, and was a coward. Elizabeth says, yes, he was.

Oscar is like, it’s cool, and Drew says, baby steps. They talk about Scout. Drew says Scout would love to meet him, and Oscar says he’d like to meet her. Drew tells him that they’ll set that up.

Anna joins Sonny and Jason. Jason tells Anna that before Andre left the country, he stashed a flash drive in an ornament that he gave to her. She says it must be the disco ball, but she didn’t know anything was inside of it. She says it’s at home, and she’ll get it. I’m guessing it’s with the other ornaments. No way it could be this easy.

Sam says that Carly adores Jason, and would do anything to give him what he wants. Carly says she does, and he wants Sam’s happiness. Jason will be okay; he’ll survive without her. The person she wants it for is Sam, but she’s just worried about Drew. Jason is just as much of a victim, but it seems like Drew has all the sympathy and is the only one allowed to grieve. Jason came back after being held captive for five years, and found out his life was no longer his own, yet everyone is wringing their hands over Drew. Sam says Jason will be fine. Carly tells her that’s exactly why she’s with Drew, and why it’s a mistake.

Lulu tells Maxie that she wants to host the event at Kelly’s. They’ve already offered a huge donation of fruit and vegetables. Maxie thinks The Floating Rib will match it, and Lulu is also going to talk to Carly about the MetroCourt. She tells Maxie they need a social media presence, and Maxie says, done. Lulu says she makes giving fashionable.

Elizabeth tells Franco that her biggest problem is that Jason is Jake’s father. This affected her son’s life. Doesn’t he care about how Jake feels? Franco says her boys are the second-best thing that’s ever happened in his life, and it’s hard for him. He doesn’t want Jason near Jake; hanging out, and bonding in matching black T-shirts. The last thing he wants Jake to know about him are the horrible things he’s done. Elizabeth says he’s going to eventually find out, with or without Jason. Franco was sick. He’s worried Jason can persuade Jake otherwise, but she says she can be persuasive too. He can’t keep doing this. The world is bigger than him and his fears. He says she’s his world, and to tell him he has her. She says he does, but he has to stop. If he has any deep, dark secret, now’s the time.

Drew and Oscar make small talk about school. Drew asks if Oscar has any questions, but Oscar says none he can probably answer. Drew tells him to take a shot, and Oscar asks what he was like when he was younger, and what it was like with his first girlfriend. Drew wishes he could answer, but he can’t remember. Oscar would also like to know about his mom, if she ever let loose or was she always like a mom-in-training? Drew says his mom might enjoy that conversation, but Oscar thinks she wouldn’t give him answers. He does know one thing about Drew; the music he liked, or at least what he thought Oscar’s mother would like. He’d made a CD for her. Drew can’t believe she kept it, and asks if there are any embarrassing songs, but Oscar says it’s pretty solid. He asks if Drew would like to hear it.

Sonny says if they find the flash drive intact, then what? Jason says he’ll ask Drew to undergo the procedure. Sonny asks what if he says no, and Jason thinks he can remember on his own. Even though he has Jason’s memories, why are they so different? He thinks Drew already remembers more than he realizes.

Carly says Sam just admitted she loves Jason. Sam says she always will, but is in love with Drew. Carly says you can love two people, but only be with one. She tells Sam you should be with the one who really gets you, all the way to your toes. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Back at the park, Anna tells Jordan there’s something important in the box of ornaments, and she has to find it.

Sam says Carly makes it sound easy. Carly knows it’s not, but whatever Sam decides, she has her back. She says she’d by lying if she didn’t say she was rooting for Jason, but the team she’s on is Sam’s.

Carly goes back inside. Sam and Jason gaze at each other. Sam leaves.

Elizabeth tells Franco to promise no more secrets. He says one more, and he’s secret free. He tells her that he went to see Betsy after he found out Drew was alive. He wanted to know why she sent Drew away, and not him. She told him it was because she was protecting Drew. According to her, he tried to kill Drew by pushing him down the stairs. She sent Drew away, and kept Franco close to keep an eye on him. Elizabeth says Jason was right; he’s evil. When Jason finds out Franco is the person he thought he was, he’ll pay. This is all just in Franco’s mind. Elizabeth says if they’re going to make it work, she needs to know. He says no more secrets. She asks if he promises, and he says, cross my heart. Why does he do this?

Sonny asks Carly if everything is okay. Carly tells him that Sam is overwhelmed. She tried to help, but thinks she made things worse. Anna calls Jason. She asks him to meet her in the park, and tells him that they have a problem.

Sam asks Drew how it went with Oscar. He thinks it went well; at least better than the first time. He asks how she is. She left pretty fast, and he hopes it wasn’t the proposal. She says he was right; they’ll always be them. Legalities mean nothing. She loves him, their life together, and everything they’ve created. Yes, she’ll marry him. He tells her that he loves her so much, and she makes him happy, but they can’t right now. Not like this.

Franco apologizes to Elizabeth for lying. She wishes he hadn’t, but understands. There’s no reasoning with Jason when he sees something a certain way, but moving forward, he needs to be brave enough to trust her, so she can trust him with her heart and boys’ hearts. She loves him more than she’s ever loved anyone. She can’t wait to be his wife. They kiss.

Sonny asks Carly what’s really going on with Sam. She tells him that she and Drew aren’t legally married. He says the hits just keep on coming, but she wishes Sam could see it as a blessing. She thinks staying with Drew is the noble thing, but loves Jason. How do you stay married, even if you love someone, when your soulmate still in picture? Sonny says maybe she’ll realize. Carly asks what he and Jason were talking about, and he says how to handle a threat, when you don’t know what you’re dealing with. Faison switched them for a reason, but they don’t know what it is.

Drew tells Sam that Oscar has questions about who he was, but he couldn’t answer them. It’s not fair to him or any of his kids, and especially not to Sam. He needs to try get his memory back. The person he loves most should know about him. He asks her to wait for him. He has to find himself. He feels like they’re meant to be, and they’re forever. She kisses him.

Jason meets Anna at the park. She tells him the ornament is gone. Her housekeeper must have made a mistake, and put it in the box with the other ornaments. The rest are all accounted for, except for that one. Jason thinks it’s not an accident. She asks him what was on the flash drive, and he says supposedly Drew’s memory. It can lead them to the person who put it into motion.

We see the disco ball opened on a desk. So when is Faison getting here?

Tomorrow, Obrecht tells Britt not to betray Faison, Julian says he only told Alexis the good news, and Sam wants to know what’s going on.

🌽  On a Personal Note…

In regard to Lulu’s venture to feed America, please donate to your local food bank when you can. I understand what it’s like to be hungry. Having gone through broke AF times, the food bank was an invaluable resource. Lulu was right about there being a lack of fresh produce though. It’s hard to come by when you’re poor and hungry. Since I live in an area where there are farms not far away, it was a real blessing when farmers donated to the bank. Another blessing was the “ugly” vegetable department in my Shoprite, where they sell the not-so-pretty vegetables, as well as those that are still edible, but about to turn. (Not turn into zombie vegetables, but they wouldn’t be lasting much longer.) So besides donations, you can also sign petitions requesting that places like Walmart carry these. And if you are the one who’s hungry, there’s no shame in going to your food bank. It’s there for a reason – use it – but pay it forward when you’re back on your feet.

Vanderpump Rules

I’m not sure how last week can be topped. Unless Jax is drawn and quartered.

Stassi and Brittany go to the spa. Today would be Brittany and Jax’s two-year anniversary. Brittany had planned a spa day for the two of them, but since he can’t keep it in his pants, she’s bringing Stassi instead. She’s one of the few people who knows exactly how Brittany feels. Brittany says she keeps going all over the place. Stassi would never suggest not getting back together, but she is. Brittany tells her that she knows what’s best, but she doesn’t know if she can follow through. Stassi knows Jax is saying what she wants to hear, and doesn’t want her to go through what she did. We flash back to that. Brittany says it’s so new, and she’s confused. She admits to having sex with Jax last night. She doesn’t know why, and Stassi says she’s feeling emotion when he’s crying and whining he’ll never do it again.

Tom and James take Jax out for a drink. He wishes Brittany would hook up with someone else, and they’ d be even. Once again showing us what a shallow, empty-headed jerk he is. In his mind, it would fix things. He tells them he was planning on staying at a hotel, but ended up staying at the apartment. They had more sex in the last two days than they’ve had in six months. Tom says it’s been two months since he’s had any, and it’s freaking him out. In his interview, James wonders if this is what the future holds for him. Tom is starting to feel skeezy coming on to his own girlfriend, and downloaded an audio book on intimacy at three am.

Schwartz brings Lisa flowers, and she asks what he’s done. He says the meeting they had left a bad taste in his mouth, and he wanted to apologize on behalf of both of them. Lisa says it’s not him that’s guilty, but Tom is being negative and accused her of spying. Schwartz says they’re a team, and he wants to “moisturize” the situation. Lisa tells him some of the things Tom said, and says she and Ken are bringing experience, financing, and a plethora of other things to the table. She needs them to be positive. Ken says they should grasp the opportunity both hands. Schwartz says they are really appreciative, and that he’s ready to get serious. They’re invested in this. Lisa promises they’ll have another meeting. Lisa thinks the Toms and Jax must have a standing order with the flower people, since they need to apologize so often.

Lisa and Nathalie (Lisa’s partner) meet with Stassi at SUR. Lisa goes over some of the things they’ve already done for the upcoming party. Stassi says she didn’t dream about being an event planner, but wants to be a boss, and she can’t think of anyone better to learn from. Scheana was concerned that Stassi would be telling them what to do, so Nathalie tells her it’s not her job to deal with the servers. In her interview, Stassi says she should be annoyed, but she isn’t. It shows she’s above all that now. Lisa wants to see Stassi mature as much as the business has, but says she can’t wish for everything. Stassi doesn’t want to mess anything up, and Lisa tells her just be on the same page as her and Nathalie.

Katie tells Schwartz about the girls throwing a party for Brittany. They don’t want her to be scared of dumping Jax’s ass and starting over. Tom comes over, and tells Schwartz that he found a machine that can freeze any drink. Schwartz tells him not to get ahead, because Lisa and Ken are still mulling it over. In his interview, Tom says if the new restaurant turns out to be the one that got away, it will haunt him. Schwartz says from now on, they only vent to each other. Katie is proud of him, and says they can bring the quirk and flair, and Ken and Lisa can bring the class.

Brittany joins Ariana at the stables. Ariana says if she didn’t have riding, she doesn’t know what she’d do. It always centers her, and she wants to carry that back to her relationship. She’s riding in a competition, and is nervous because she wants to win. I think that’s the idea of a competition. She takes a spill, and the horse gets kooky. She tells Brittany she bailed, because she realized he wasn’t going to stop. She’s worried he might get spooked during the competition.

At Vanderpump Dogs, Lisa cuddles some of the furbabies. Raquel is volunteering today, and in her interview, Lisa says she’s like Bambi on steroids. She tells Raquel she still ahs to treat it like a job, and show commitment. In his interview, James says he and Raquel both have their own ways of dealing with things. He smokes weed; she pets dogs. James tells Lisa that he’s ready for his Turn It Up Tuesdays at SUR. In her interview, Lisa thinks if he does something autonomous, he’ll take responsibility, and might actually get it together.

Tom and Ariana’s brother go to watch Ariana compete. She says she and Walter (the horse) don’t have that trusting relationship yet, aka, she doesn’t trust him. Tom tells Jeremy that she always gets freaked out before a show. Tom says it’s awkward to broach the subject with him, but he and Ariana haven’t been having sex. Ariana said if he cheated once, they’d be done, but he wonders how anyone could blame him. Jeremy says they have to hash it out; there’s a root to the problem somewhere.

We watch Ariana ride. Tom thinks she looks hot. They already have a whip, so he thinks maybe they should get a saddle. She gets a blue ribbon. He says, save a horse, ride a cowboy – or a bartender.

Brittany tells Jax she’s going to Stassi’s for a pajama party. They’re throwing it in her honor, with her favorite things, and will probably talk sh*t about him. He says it’s between the two of them, and has nothing to do with the other girls. Brittany says she loves him, but it’s hard. He doesn’t understand how people can say he’s manipulative. I would say only to girls with no brain, but Stassi isn’t stupid. I find him repulsive, so I just don’t get it. Brittany asks if she’s going to find anything else out, but he says no.

Stassi wants the party to be special, and got a beer cheese recipe from Brittany’s memaw. Katie brings a piñata with Jax’s face on it, and Kristen has a gun that shoots tequila into your mouth. No thanks. I don’t even want to drink it from a glass.

The guys meet at a bar. The owner was once the manager at PUMP, and Tom is psyched, hoping the meeting about TomTom leads to something like that for him. Schwartz says the girls have set aside their differences to hate Jax together.

Brittany arrives, and Scheana and Ariana are right behind. In her interview, Stassi says it feels good to be the bigger person, but she hates when the angel wins. She shows Brittany the spread of all her favorite foods, and the beer cheese gets her approval. In her interview, Brittany confesses that it was a brave attempt, but not like her grandmother’s cheese.

The guys do shots. Tom says it’s the perfect storm ready to destroy the City of Jax. In his interview, Schwartz says the girls are the ideal espionage team, and Jax doesn’t appreciate the sh*t storm coming his way.

The girls beat on the piñata, and Brittany rips its head off. Alrighty then.

James tells everyone about his debut at SUR. If he does it right, he gets a percentage of the bar. In his interview, he says it’s crazy how much can happen in a year. We flash back to him being a total idiot. He swears he’s changed. My jury is out. It’s still early in the season.

The girls have orchestrated a spell. Stassi says it’s about scorning a cheating lover, and Katie is facilitating. In her interview, Katie says it’s so that Jax will receive his karmic punishment. Brittany says normally, she wouldn’t dabble in witchcraft, but she thinks the way Jax treated her, even Jesus would be on board. They light some candles and use some other props. Ariana is concerned that if she goes a whole night being cordial, Stassi will want to be friends again. Everyone kisses and makes up.

Lisa gets a drink from Wesley, the new SUR bartender. She has a meeting there with Lala. She tells Lala it’s been a while, and Lala asks if she’s surprised to hear from her. She’d like her job back. She has a man who provides her with amazing things (she’s still with the same guy), but he’s not an ATM machine, and she wants to pay her own bills. Lisa says she has a tendency to cut and run when she gets nervous, and makes things up. She says she should have been honest, and admits to leaving Lisa hanging, but asks forgiveness. It is granted. Lisa says she’s always fought for her. She tells Lala that she likes her very much, and Lala says she’s changed a lot. Lisa tells her she can come back. In her interview, Lisa says Lala is a fabulous hostess, and inside the tough exterior, is like a lost puppy. She tells Lala if she becomes unreliable, she’s out.

Peter asks how Jax is doing. He says it’s getting better, and the sex is the best. Tom says he should be prepared. Schwartz says they’ve taken precautionary measures. Tom brings out a locking chastity device for men. I’m not sure what to say…

Brittany isn’t sure what she’s going to do. She doesn’t want to upset anyone. Ariana asks if he told her it was a onetime thing, because it wasn’t. She says several people have said it. Stassi says she’ll always hear things about Jax, and for the most part they’re true. Ariana does a perfect imitation of Jax making excuses. Brittany calls him, and he goes outside with the phone. He swears on his life that it was only once. Brittany decides to bluff him, and says she has proof; she’s there. He asks why she’s setting him up, and she says she didn’t know it was more than once. She tells him Faith isn’t really there, but she wants the truth. He asks what does it matter, once or ten times, mirroring exactly what Ariana said when she mimicked him. He says it doesn’t make a difference, but she says it changes everything – he’s gone. Jax, who by now is pacing up and down the sidewalk, screams for her to shut-up, and that he didn’t do it. She says that’s not changing anything. They’re done. She hangs up.

Jax comes back in, and tells the guys that it was only once. Tom isn’t doubting it, but if he did it more than once, he needs to tell her. Jax insists it was just once.

Ariana calls Tom, and tells him that Jax isn’t allowed to stay at the apartment tonight. The girls are going back with Brittany. He knows how crazy Kristen is, and it will get intense if he comes home. Tom tells the table that the girls are charged up, and Jax can’t go home tonight.

Brittany stirs her drink, and shakes her head. The rest of the girls all look bummed.

Next time, Lisa asks if the Toms are in or out, Nathalie tells Stassi that Lisa is hard to impress, and Katie and Schwartz argue.

👰 💍 The 90-Day Fiancé finale was tonight, along with a Couples Tell All, but I still have to watch it before I prepare my thesis. However, I can’t hold inside that I was right about Molly not making it to the altar with Luis. Not only did he scoff at being a stepfather, saying they were her kids, he got really weird with his deflection during an argument. In the middle of her wailing about how he was a bully, and didn’t want her kids around, he suddenly started criticizing how she decorated with things like Buddhas,  owls, and candles, practically saying she was a devil worshiper. It was out of the blue, off-topic, and strange. She called it quits, but as if life wasn’t bad enough for her, Molly was already married to him. They weren’t going to the church, but had already been to a Justice of the Peace. D’oh! Not sure what happens now. The producers were pretty shocked.

😧 Postscript: I’m watching Couples Tell All as I’m editing this, and they’re back together. Once again, I don’t know what to say…

WTFSteve

WTF

WTFKramer

Dec12

December 11, 2017 – Andre Has an Ally, Brittany Goes to Vegas & a Little Shep

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

 

All Britt knows is that her father thought Jason was dead, was furious when he found out otherwise, and wanted the traitor dead. Sonny asks if she knew the traitor’s name, but she says no. She’s truly sorry, but says Jason not only survived, he’s in excellent shape. Why not just move on? Jason says because her father gave his life to someone else.

Drew asks how well she knew him. She says they didn’t know each other long, but their time together was pretty intense. She got pregnant, and Oscar is his son. Sam overhears.

Michael tells Carly that Nelle is pregnant, and Nelle says, congratulations, grandma. <snort> Carly says it’s the oldest trick in the book. Michael says the doctor confirmed it, and she’s six-weeks along. Carly says the baby isn’t his.

Anna goes into the interrogation room, and tells Andre this is a fine predicament.

At the hospital, Finn tells Cassandra that the last test he was worried about is negative; she’s completely in the clear. She wonders why he’s looking upset, and he says he wasted her time, and brought her all the way there for nothing. She says it wasn’t a complete waste, and asks why he’s being so formal with her. He says it has nothing to do with her, and she wonders what’s put him in a foul mood.

Sonny says they know Britt and Faison checked in three days ago. Wasn’t he worried about being recognized? She says her father has a talent for being incognito. She explains that before coming back, they traveled all over Europe, naming some major cities. Jason asks if they went to St. Petersburg, and she says they did. He wonders why they were touring the financial capitals. Sonny thinks maybe he was tracing where the traitor had gone. Jason says maybe he was following the traitor’s path, to see what else they might have done.

Sam joins Kim and Drew, saying she didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Drew asks if Oscar knows, and Kim says she hasn’t told him, but he started asking questions after his brother showed up on Thanksgiving. She says she wore her heart on her sleeve, seeing a face she knew. Drew says, just when think it can’t get more strange. Kim tells him that they hit it off fast, and spent a couple of months together. It wasn’t a fling; they had a real connection, but he was scheduled to be deployed with an open-ended tour. They both knew they’d probably never see each other again. Drew asks if she let him leave without telling him she was pregnant.

Nelle says It’s common knowledge that Carly didn’t know who Michael’s father was, trying to pass him off as Tony Jones’s child, and then AJ’s. No one seemed to have any issue about her sleeping with two brothers, and her stepfather. Nelle says she’s not promiscuous, and has only been with Michael. Carly interjects that it was after she pretended to sleep with Sonny. Carly says she thinks it’s going to be her golden ticket, but the first thing they’re doing is a paternity test.

Andre didn’t expect to see Anna. She asks if he doesn’t think she cares about the people affected?  Or him? He tells her that he didn’t think she wanted anything to do with him. She says he was a good friend when she needed one, and she wants to be one for him, but she has to understand why this happened or why he didn’t come to her. He says he didn’t want to bother her, but she thinks he didn’t want her to know he was playing God with everyone’s lives. She asks, why? Andre says why does it matter? He can’t undo it. Anna says when he came to her that night to say goodbye, he told her that she’d hear things that would make him sound bad, and he wanted her to hold on to the good. She has, and believes him and knows him. She knows someone or something powerful made him do it; it just doesn’t make sense. What was so important that he destroyed all these lives, including his own? Andre says, his wife.

Finn explains to Cassandra that he’s developed a new painkiller that could revolutionize the treatment of patients, but the board is refusing to fund it. Cassandra says that’s shortsighted. The royalties from his last discovery is keeping life in the hospital. He says it doesn’t technically treat an illness, but making patients comfortable is part of their treatment. He tells her that they’re concerned about it being highly addictive if administered incorrectly. Cassandra asks if he’s put in a new drug application, and says he might have to just live with the satisfaction of saving lives. Finn says this time he’d like to get paid, and she says, as well he should.

Jason says maybe killing him wasn’t the traitor’s only job. Maybe they were handling operations in other cities, and Faison wanted to see if they were being handled correctly. Sonny asks Britt what kind of mood he was in, and she says it wasn’t that great to begin with, and got steadily worse. Jason asks when he went out, and what he was wearing when she did. Britt says mostly suits in the daytime, but he went out occasionally in the evening. Jason says those cities are financial capitals, and Sonny thinks Faison needed a clear picture on what the traitor did. He asks Britt if the traitor is dead, and if that’s why he left.

Josslyn and Oscar walk in the park. She says he doesn’t have to see the results. He’s gone his entire life without knowing, and if he wants to go on not knowing, it’s okay. He says it’s not okay to hide from the truth. She tells him to just click, and he asks her to do it. She does, and asks if he wants to look at it, or should she just tell him. Oscar wants her to tell him, and Josslyn says Drew is his father.

Kim didn’t know she was pregnant when Drew left. She found out weeks after he was deployed. Drew says he’s sorry she went through it alone, and Kim says he didn’t do it on purpose. He was a different man in a different life. She tells him it didn’t feel right putting it in a letter, and she couldn’t email or call because he was classified, and she wasn’t family. In all fairness, she didn’t tell his superiors; she thought he should know first. After Oscar was born, the most important thing was to make sure he was loved and cared for and protected. She finished her internship, then her residency and specialty. There was a lot of life to deal with, and she questioned whether or not to drop the bomb on him. The Drew she knew was dedicated to the SEALs. He’d told her once that it wasn’t fair to ask someone to wait, and she wondered if he’d even welcome the news. She thought it was better for Oscar not to know, especially if he didn’t want anything to do with him. Then one Christmas, after the presents were unwrapped, Oscar had fallen asleep. He’d been so excited about Santa, he’d been up all night. At that moment, she realized she was robbing him of all the moments. She contacted the Navy in 2013, but they told her he’d deserted.

Michael tells Carly that he was thinking the same thing, but right now wanted to focus on the pregnancy. One step at a time. Nelle asks if he’s still questioning that he’s the father. Carly says they wouldn’t believe her if she said the sky was blue. Nelle tells Michael that he knows the dates. Michael says he’s constantly caught her in lies, and he’s been lied to before about a child being his, then had the rug pulled out from under him. It’s not happening again, and he won’t believe her until it’s proven.

Andre tells Anna that his wife’s name is Kita; he called her Kato. He met her at an art show, but could focus only on her. She was beautiful with an intoxicating laugh. Her life was like a light, and she was way out of his league. He was scared to talk to her, but as he was leaving, she stopped him. She said if he was going to stare at her all night, at least buy her a drink, and he did. Anna says she sounds incredible. Andre says he fell hard, and they moved in together after six months. She was his best friend, and they were so in love. He joined the WSB, and was sent overseas for a year, but she couldn’t come with him. They decided to elope, so they would stay committed to each other. Anna says he keeps talking about her in the past tense; what happened? Jordan is walking by the door, and hears them. He says after they were married for three months, her sister called him. Something was wrong. Kita was disoriented and losing her memory. He came back, and found out it was the early onset of Alzheimer’s. Anna says, so he created the memory map to save the woman he loved. By now, they’re both crying. Andre says he couldn’t lose her. Jordan listens outside the door.

Britt doesn’t think the traitor is dead; her father was too agitated, and would have been calmer. He got a phone call the other night, and went out. He came back in a foul mood, and said they had to go. Jason asks what this is, showing her a half-burned manuscript by P.K. Sinclair. I get so excited, I don’t even notice the title, which might possibly be significant.

Kim tells Drew that she’s sorry. Drew says given what she knew, she did the best thing. Kim tells him, now it’s up to him to decide what happens next.

Oscar asks Josslyn if this is really happening; Drew is his father. Josslyn can’t believe it’s happening either. He says he’s overwhelmed and shocked. It was one thing to think Drew was his father, and another to have the proof. Josslyn says, omg, the Quartermaines. They’re Drew’s family, and now they’re Oscar’s too, including Michael. He was named after Sonny, but his father is a Quartermaine. Oscar asks if he and Josslyn are related, and she says not even close. She only has half-siblings, and now he does too. Scout is his half-sister. He says it’s kind of cool, but doesn’t know how to process it. His whole life, it’s just been him and his mom. Now, there are all these people, a sister, the Quartermaines. He wonders if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Andre spent years developing a master plan that could save Kita, but by the time it was viable, she was too far gone. The light, the energy that was so much a part of her, had been extinguished. She didn’t even know him. Anna asks where she is, and Andre tells her in a facility under her parents care. She occasionally remembered them, but never him. He says with Jason and Andrew, he didn’t mean for things to go this far. He was truly trying to help. Anna believes him. She says she’ll talk to the authorities on his behalf, and Andre says that’s more than he deserves. She tells him take care of himself, and he says her too. She gets up, and he says whoever is behind this is someone powerful. He tells her to be careful, and she tells him to be careful too. When Anna is gone, Jordan walks in. She asks if he was never going to tell her he was married.

Britt says P.K. Sinclair was a pen name her father used when he wrote a series of books about a spy named Daphne in the 80s. Jason wonders why he’d torch his own book, and she says she doesn’t know about that manuscript; she doesn’t think he wrote it. It just showed up, and the last thing he did before he left, was put it in the fireplace. Sonny wonders what about the book could make him so nervous?

Kim tells Drew to take all the time he needs, and she’ll do a DNA test if he wants. She’s not expecting anything from him. She’s been taking care of Oscar his whole life, and they’re just fine. If he doesn’t want a relationship, that’s okay too. Drew didn’t mean to imply that, and she tells him sorry to throw his life in turmoil. Geez, he should be used to it by now. She’s sure they have a lot to talk about, but whatever he decides, she asks him not to do it tonight. She owes it to Oscar to tell him the truth first. Drew asks what Oscar is like; he’s met him a few times, and he seems like a good kid. Kim says he’s a great kid, and a fine young man – just like he was. She leaves, and Sam hugs Drew.

Cassandra says she’s all clear, and Finn has made his last note. She’s no longer his patient. Finn says technically, no. She says then there’s no good no reason to decline her invitation to meet tomorrow, and enjoy a conversation and meal. He says, as friends, and she says, what about colleagues? He asks what that’s about, and she thinks there’s a way they can help each other.

Jordan says Andre was married the whole time, but he says it’s not that simple. She says she would have understood, but he didn’t give her a chance. Andre tells her the marriage was dissolved years ago. Her family asked him to end it, so they could be her primary caregivers. He walked away from the woman he loved to give her peace. Jordan asks if he thought she would think less of him, and he says, yes. He had to put it in the past. He’s sorry. He knows he should have been honest, but was afraid of losing the first woman who made him feel like he could love again.

Nelle says she’s not jeopardizing her pregnancy with an invasive procedure. Carly says times have changed. It’s non-invasive now, and can be done as early as ten weeks. Michael says Nelle has no reason to worry or object. I wonder when Nelle would have had the time to be with someone else.

Britt says that Faison threw the manuscript in the fire, and said if she wasn’t going with him, she was on her own. She says she’s answered all of their questions, and asks if Sonny could answer one for her. She wonders how Ben has been. She knows he’s named Rocco now, but he’ll always be Ben to her. Sonny says he’s a good kid, and tells Britt that he had a long list for Santa. She thanks him for telling her, but he says don’t make him regret it. She can’t have contact with him or Spencer. She tells him that she won’t, and asks what now? He says he’s calling Dante, and telling him she’s there. Britt says she can save him the trouble. Give her a ride to the station. She’ll turn herself in.

Nelle says as long as they can guarantee it’s not invasive, go ahead and schedule the test. Michael will see she’s telling the truth. Carly says that will be a first. Nelle knows how they feel about her, but she’s not asking for anything. She tells Michael to sell the apartment. After this, there’s nothing connecting them. If he wants to be a father, she won’t stop him, but if not, it’s on him, but they’ll be fine.

Jordan says Andre should have told her the truth. She wouldn’t be walking around agonizing, thinking the man she once loved is a stranger. She thanks him, and understands. He tells her the whole time they were together, he kept accusing her of pulling away, but how could he expect her to be open when he wasn’t willing to let her see the real him? Here he is; the real him, finally. He hopes getting to know him now, brings her that peace. She says it’s nice to meet him too, and hopes he also gets the peace he needs.

Cassandra says she’ll set something up. Finn is curious as to how they help one another, and asks if she has any hints. She doesn’t want to ruin the surprise, but she might have something for him in her pharmaceutical company. They’ll discuss it, providing his lady friend doesn’t mind. Finn says she’s not part of this, and won’t mind. Cassandra goes into the elevator, and Finn sees Anna. She asks, what is he doing?

Jason believes the traitor kept him alive. Sonny says they don’t know if it’s even a man or a woman. Jason says maybe Drew saw them, since he was taken first. His memory was removed, but Andre took a baseline. Maybe he can give Drew his memories back. Didn’t Andre burn all the research?

Drew tells Sam that he doesn’t know how to proceed. He has a son now. How can they have a relationship after all these years? He doesn’t even know who he is. How can he make up for the years lost? Sam says he can’t, but he can start from here. He asks what about her, and she says nothing has changed. They knew he had a life before, and there might be more surprises. She’s in it for the long haul. If he wants to pursue a relationship with Oscar, she’s all in. They kiss.

Kim finds Oscar and Josslyn. Josslyn says she was just about to go. Kim says there’s something she wants to talk to Oscar about on the way home. He says he wants to talk about something too. Josslyn hugs him, and whispers, good luck. As they walk, Kim says she knows he’s been looking for answers.

Carly tells Michael when test proves Nelle is lying, she’ll be out of their lives for good. Michael asks what if it’s the truth? Carly says she’s lied about everything else. He says there’s a good chance the baby is his. If it is, she’s going to be part of their lives whether they like it or not.

Anna says Finn is doing the exactly what she told him not to. He asks if he’s a Labrador. He doesn’t work for her, and what he does on his own time is his business. She says he’s in over his head. He tells her that argument was nowhere to be found when she wanted him to deceive Cassandra before. He thinks he can play her, and she’ll be none the wiser. He cares as much as Anna does, and he’s moving forward, with or without her approval. She threatens to arrest him, and he tells her to go ahead. She just looks at him, and he says he didn’t think so. When he leaves, she says, okay, fine. Two can play at this game.

Tomorrow, Britt is glad to see someone, Laura takes on a new challenge, and Cassandra and Finn make a toast.

Vanderpump Rules

Lala looks good in the credits. There’s something a lot less harsh-looking about her.

Back at Scheana’s masquerade party, Schwartz says his instinct is to defend Jax. Brittany tells Jax if it’s true, she’s moving out, taking the dogs, and he can go to effing hell. Lisa approaches Faith, who swears Jax told her that he and Brittany were done. Seriously? She didn’t double-check that? Where was Brittany? In the bathroom? Lisa tells Brittany she doesn’t know what to believe. In her interview, Lisa never believes anything starting with I heard, but when it comes to Jax, it’s true. Jax says he’s blindsided. In his interview, he doesn’t understand, claiming he’s been faithful. Brittany is embarrassed, but Kristen and Scheana say she has nothing to be embarrassed about, and she’s the best thing that’s happened to all of them. Kristen tells Brittany that Jax is lucky she didn’t shove her stiletto down his throat and up his ass. Alrighty then. I hope she’s on my side in a fight. Inside, Jax calls for shots. Tom tells Scheana they don’t know for sure, and Jax says he’s not going to chase her down the street. Scheana says he should; her heart is broken, and he doesn’t deserve her.

James tells them that Faith missed her period. In his interview, Jax says this kind of sh*t ruins people’s lives. Like he didn’t have anything to do with it. Brittany thought he was changing for her, but if this is true, she’s punching him in his fake nose.

At Villa Rosa, Fadi the car broker brings Lisa a new offering from Ken. She tells us that she doesn’t like to be brattish in saying outright that she wants something, but is very good at hinting. Stassi drops by, and admires the car. In her interview, she says if being good at sex means a Rolls Royce, she must not be good, and needs to step it up.

Lisa asks what’s going on. She heard Stassi is interested in event planning. Stassi says she loves styling, decorating, and throwing parties, and event planning is like styling an atmosphere. If she’s going to learn from anyone, it’s Lisa. She wants to see if she’s cut out for this. Lisa says she’s extraordinarily bright, but a pita, and we flash back to Stassi being just that. Lisa thinks she definitely has a sense of style, something that can’t be taught; it has to be inherent. She asks Stassi to organize part of the restaurant for a party on Saturday. Stassi mentions that she’s gotten back together with Patrick. Lisa asks why not Jax? They discuss the situation with Brittany. Stassi says Jax is lucky she wasn’t at the party. She’s always wanted to impale someone, and put their head on a spike in her apartment. Lisa doesn’t get what the attraction is, and Stassi says Jax tells women what they want to hear. Lisa says he did the same thing to her, and Stassi says it’s a weird time to think about.

Brittany says too many people know about it and she has to tell her mom. Katie says she’s the last person who deserves this. She doesn’t know why he does this when he has perfect girl. She thinks he has a serious problem. She talks about the problems they’ve had, and how she found fake eyelashes on the counter. She wonders what’s wrong with her, and Katie tells Brittany that it wouldn’t matter; he would do this to anyone. Brittany says she’s going to Vegas. She’s single and is going to act like it.

Jax sticks his head in the room, but Brittany doesn’t want to look at him. He insists he didn’t do anything. and says someone is trying to sabotage him. He shows Brittany some texts, which don’t make things any better, and probably make them worse. She throws the phone at him, and says she hates him. He doesn’t deserve her. She moved, and left her family for him. She’s done. She hates him. Brittany cries on Katie’s shoulder, and Jax leaves.

James and Raquel go to PUMP. Lisa has funny sense of déjà vu, seeing Raquel’s super short short-shorts. We flash back to Brittany wearing similar ones when she had her job interview. James says the party was fun, but Lisa doesn’t quite agree. He says Raquel is interested in working at Vanderpump Pets. Harrison! Lisa asks what she does as a job, and Raquel says she’s a model and goes to school for kinesiology (it’s strange and complicated – google it). Lisa says it would probably be better if she volunteered. The volunteers do the brushing, walking, and cleaning up. In her interview, Lisa says Raquel is going to be on her knees with a scooper. She sarcastically tells Raquel to wear shorter shorts, and Raquel promises to dress appropriately for work.

James asks if he could take over SUR one night. Lisa says she thought the meeting wasn’t about him, and he says he thought he’d kill two birds with one stone, since she’s so busy. In his interview, James says he misses working for Lisa. In her interview, Lisa calls him a pita, but says she thought he’d come back, and hopefully be more mature. She might give it a try, but she’s not going to make it easy. He’s going to have to start at the bottom and work up. She gives him a maybe for Tuesdays.

It’s Ariana’s brother Jeremy’s birthday. Schwartz says it’s second party Katie wasn’t invited to that he’s attended in less than twelve hours. Ariana says Schwartz is schwasted. He never stopped drinking since he started at Scheana’s party, and at a certain point, it’s not cute. Tom gives Jeremy their house keys. In his interview, he says last time Jeremy interrupted their sex life, but they’re going through a dry spell now, and he might as well join the priesthood. James can’t believe Faith didn’t come.

Brit goes home, and talks to the dogs, but not Jax. He tries to talk to her, and she tells him to go away, then asks if he had her in their bed. He says no one has been there, and she calls him a liar. He can keep denying all he wants; he just looks like an idiot. She says to tell her the truth, and he says it is true. She tells him to rot in hell, and I’m totally on board with that. She talks about another time in their relationship when she went through months of denial. She asks why do that, and he says it was a bad time. Brittany says that when you love someone, you don’t do that. She didn’t do that to him, and would never do that to him. In her interview, he says they’ve been fighting for a long time, and we flash back to him being an a-hole in Kentucky. She hopes it was worth it. Wow. This is making me sad. Even though I can’t stand him, I feel badly for her. Brittany cries, as she holds one of the dogs. Seriously. She’s breaking my heart.

Pride Day is tomorrow, and Tom thinks it’s important that they go. He wants to surprise Lisa. He wants to do whatever it takes to keep the partnership alive. He says Jax has had a rough 24-hours. Oh, poor baby. Schwartz mumbles about Stockholm Syndrome. Ariana says Brittany deserves the world, or at least her boyfriend not screwing her friends. James tells them about Faith not getting her period. Tom wonders when Jax will stop pulling this sh*t.

Schwartz talks to Jax on the phone. Tom hunts him down. He tells Schwartz that he’s mad at Jax, and Schwartz starts crying, saying he’s been struggling. Tom says talk to him. Schwartz says, first of all, he’s drunk – ha-ha! Yeah, drunk and weepy. It’s the first time in his life he has no drive. Tom says Schwartz is his friend, and he’d never let anything happen to him. In his interview, Schwartz says he has all these new pressures, like being a husband. He tells Tom that he’s always anticipating a bad future. Tom says they’ll open up the bar,and it will be amazing. Schwartz is an awesome person, and it’s a privilege to know him. Schwartz says it goes both ways, and I lmao because they are both so drunk, and in that teary, sappy phase. In his interview, Schwartz hopes Lisa forgives Tom. Schwartz needs structure and stability to move on to the next chapter.

Brittany calls her mother, and says she needs her. She tells her mom about Jax, and that she’s going to Vegas. She slams the picture of them from her nightstand onto the floor. She says she should have known better, and just needed to tell her. Brittany’s mom says she loves her, and tells her to call back later. Brittany leaves for Vegas. In her interview, Brittany says she seriously thought she was going to marry Jax. She wanted it bad, and the thought of him cheating makes her want to cry. She tells us that you don’t treat someone like this if you love them, and he obviously doesn’t. Jax watches as she gets in a car. What an a-hole this guy is. I hope he dies alone.

It’s the Long Beach Gay Pride parade, and no surprise, Lisa is Grand Marshal. I don’t even think there can be a parade without LVP. Ken does the driving, and Lisa says she feels a lot of love. Everyone is being themselves, and that should be what life is about. Simply, and well put, and I agree. She sees Tom and Ariana, and asks where Schwartz is. He’s in the bathroom. Lisa makes a speech, but we don’t get to hear it. Ken asks about Jax, and Tom says he’s a mess. When he saw him last, he was in the fetal position on the couch. Tom says he loves Brittany, and Lisa says don’t defend him; he’ll look ridiculous. Tom says at least Jax admitted it. In her interview, Lisa says she’s not enamored of Jax’s eff-ups, and hopes Brittany dumps him. We visit the leather tent. In his interview, Tom says he really doesn’t understand BDS&M, but since they’re going through a dry spell, maybe there’s something to it. He asks Ariana if she thinks it might solve some of their issues, and she discusses exploring it with some dude who I guess is an expert. In her interview, Ariana tells us about some of the problems she and Tom are having, including him wanting to go to karaoke six nights a week, which I find nothing wrong with.

Ariana says when she lived in NYC, Pride Day always fell on her birthday. Lisa asks about Brittany, and Ariana tells her that Brittany is in Vegas. She’s disgusted, and wants to move on. Tom babbles about Jax loving her, and how he can’t help himself. Lisa says Jax has a different definition of love. Don’t tell her, show her. Yep. Take note, mostly men. Tom apologizes about criticizing her part in the restaurant. He says he just wants to get the bullsh*t out of the way. Lisa says show her. In her interview, she says she doesn’t need their expertise or their money. She doesn’t need anything from them, but the feel good factor.

Kristen visits Stassi, and asks if she’s excited for tonight. Stassi says when she started feeling romantic again, she felt like people would judge her for going back to Patrick. Kristen thinks she and Patrick get each other, and wants to start planning the wedding; she loves them together. Patrick comes in. He’s wearing a man bun, which immediately makes me cringe, since Josh from Sweet Home Oklahoma is the only man I’ll accept wearing one. Stassi says she missed their joking and laughing – and his man bun. She says he’s like a warrior; like someone from out of Game of Thrones. Double no, just no.

Brittany goes to work. Ariana says she looks tan and gorgeous. Brittany says Vegas was awesome. Ariana asks how she’s been, but she doesn’t know. She has different feelings. Sometimes she’s sad, sometimes she’s mad, and she’s heartbroken. She said she was going to act single, but everybody grossed her out. Scheana says it’s been six months, and she’s not ready yet, but acts like she is. Brittany says she just wants to be alone, and clear her mind. Everyone is supportive.

In the limo, Patrick says he’s trying to keep everyone happy, and Stassi says she’s trying to keep him happy. He tells her the outfit is helping. She’s wearing a slinky, strapless, low-cut black jumpsuit that looks fantastic on her. They go to a restaurant, and when they order, I almost find it cute that they say the same thing at the same time. Almost. Stassi tells Patrick about talking to Lisa regarding event planning. He asks if she has ideas, and she says she’s watched a million YouTube videos. She says listening to his podcast makes her insecure about hers. She wants him to hear hers, and tell her what she’s doing wrong. He says somehow hers got turned into a juggernaut, then has to explain that word, along with a couple of others he uses. In her interview, Stassi says she’s never been in a dating situation where she wasn’t the smart one.

Patrick tells her that she’s a really good person, batsh*t crazy, and uber talented. He’s taking a trip to Amsterdam, and says it will be a good experience for him. Getting back together taught them a lesson: don’t talk when you’re apart, and when you’re back together, don’t talk about what happened when you were apart. In her interview, Stassi says she wants it to work, but she’s terrified it’s not going to because she wants it so badly. She thinks getting back together is more of an emotional commitment than first time they got together. Patrick says she’s freaking him out. In her interview, Stassi says she’s willing to fight for the relationship.

Jax arrives at SUR for his shift, and asks Tom how Pride was. Tom says he got handcuffed and whipped. He kind of likes it, so Ariana got one. Brittany comes to the bar, and asks Tom for a cocktail, sort of ignoring Jax. Saying nothing, but shooting daggers with her eyes. Jax wants to talk, but not at work. Tom says it’s not a good idea.

Brittany steps away, and Lisa asks how she is. Brittany says it’s a weird situation. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. Lisa tells her that she’s young; sh*t happens

Tom tells Jax it’s not easy all the time. Jax wants to work on it, but says he needs therapy. Tom suggests he make up an overnight bag, get his sh*t together, and get out of the apartment.

Lisa tells Brittany that she has a lot of support. Jax is the only a-hole in the situation. She hopes Brittany has the strength to make the right choices. She tells Brittany that she’ll be fine. The girls rally around her.  hopes trangth to make right chocies tells her she’ll be fine the girls rally around her

Jax says there’s no one better to tell him how to run a relationship. Tom says he put himself in the situation, and now everyone is pissed at him, including him. Brittany’s emotions are like a roller coaster, and she needs time to think. Tom tells him to give her some space. Jax doesn’t think she really wants to leave him, but Tom begs to differ.

Brittany tells the girls that she did something stupid in a moment of weakness. They had sex. I go, arrrgh! out loud. Brittany says she wanted affection. In her interview, she wishes she could stop loving him; it would be easier for her, but she can’t, and she doesn’t know what she’s doing.

Next time, Schwartz apologizes to Lisa and Ken, Stassi throws a party with a Jax piñata, and Lala is back.

😱 A horrifying postscript – Brittany and Jax are back together. He was a guest on Watch What Happens Live tonight. He said he’s “a work in progress.” I’m surprised he didn’t get rotten tomatoes thrown at him.

😊 On the other hand. RelationShep is very sweet. I think Shep is good-hearted, and maybe realizes he doesn’t want to grow old alone. It’s fun watching him travel around too. I especially loved seeing Austin, a place I’d love to visit. In the next phase, several of the girls he’s had dates with will come to Charleston, where they’ll live in the same house, much like The Bachelor. It looks like there will be some drama, but I think Shep deserves to find what he’s looking for. He also gave a couple of good quotes…

I like very pretty brunettes. I guess everybody does. That was a stupid comment. – Shep Rose, RelationShep

That’s when the cows come home to roost. – Shep Rose, RelationShep

GetThroughWeekPup

GetThroughWeekPup2

Dec5

December 4, 2017 – The Two Jason Aftermath, Vanderpump Rules Again, Shep Looks for a Mate & Don’t

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

Elizabeth tells Franco that something huge has affected all their lives. She doesn’t know how they’ll come back from that.

Josslyn pulls a DNA test out of her bag. Oscar says it will be the longest 48-hours of his life, but she tells him that she’s paying to have it expedited, so it will only be 24-hours. Michael comes by and asks what they’re up to.

Andrew asks Sam where they go from here? She says home, and looks at him like he’s stupid. He says home suddenly seems as unreal as he is.

On the docks, Jason sighs, an art he is perfecting. Alexis approaches him. She was wondering when she’d run into him. He tells her that they’ve finally found proof that he’s the Jason he says he is.

Sam tells Andrew it’s real. Her and him in this room is real. Her arms wrapped around him are real, and her eyes looking into his. It’s because of who he is, not his name. He’s the man she married and loves. They have a family and home. She wants him to tell her he knows it’s real, and he says it’s as real as it gets.

Oscar tells Michael he’s keeping Josslyn company while she does her homework, and Josslyn explains that Carly wanted her where people could keep eye on her. Michael says he just talked to her, and Josslyn asks if she’ll be released soon. He says she’s at the station getting answers about Jason. Oscar wonders if they know who is who yet.

Elizabeth tells Franco she’s proud of him, not just because he dropped the charges, but he helped unravel the mystery of the two Jasons. If he hadn’t told them about there being twins, who knows how long it would have dragged out. He says he told them kicking and screaming, but she says he did it, and that’s what matters. It’s all out in the open. He tells her he can’t say no to her, and she says they can all get on with their lives now. Robin joins them, and asks if there’s proof now. Elizabeth says that they found out Andrew was a Navy SEAL, and had prints on file. Robin says it’s crazy; Jason lost five whole years. Franco says that he’ll live to terrorize another day, and wanders off. Robin asks Elizabeth if they know why, and she says they don’t know the details, but have Andre to thank. He created a memory mapping program with the WSB, but there were ethical concerns, and it never got off the ground. He found another backer, and Elizabeth explains that Andre came to Port Charles to keep an eye on Andrew. Robin says it’s a lot to figure out, and Elizabeth says there will definitely be some serious conversations in the future.  Franco breezes through with a sarcastic remark, and Elizabeth says Robin probably intimidates him; he gets snarky when he’s uncomfortable. She says it goes back to his childhood, and has been an emotional roller coaster. Robin reminds Elizabeth about what happened when she came back, and Patrick was getting married. She says none of it was her fault, and none of this is Jason’s fault.

Sam says, talk to me, Jason, then apologizes. He says it’s okay, it’s only a name, just not his name. He opens his wallet, and takes out his ID, saying he never liked the picture anyway, and throws it on the table. He starts flinging things out of his wallet. Sam tells him to stop pretending it’s not hard. He says he never pretended or lied; it’s very hard.

Jason tells Alexis he needed to think, and asks why she’s there. She says she has no fond memories of the place, and is a glutton for punishment. She asks if Sam knows, and when he says she does, Alexis asks where she is. He tells her that Sam is with his brother. Alexis says she’d be lying if she told him that she wasn’t relieved to hear that.

Michael tells Josslyn that a fingerprint match sealed it. She asks how Sam is, and he says, adjusting. It’s going to be an adjustment period for all of them. Michael admits she’s happy, but still feels bad. Andrew didn’t have the life he thought he had, but at least he can figure it out now. Nelle comes by and asks to borrow Michael.

Nelle tells Michael not to look so happy to see her. He tells her he thought they’d said everything they needed to say. She says that something came up. She ordered a Christmas present before they broke up, and it arrived. He tells her to just return it, but she says it’s for Josslyn.

Robin knows Jason won’t push to see Jake; it’s on Elizabeth. She knows it would be easier to let it lie, but tells her don’t do that. Jake will be lucky to have Jason in his life, no matter the capacity. Elizabeth says Jason hates Franco, and Robin says she can’t argue with that; he’s entitled to. Elizabeth tells her that Jake loves Franco, and so does she. She’s stuck. She can’t explain Franco to Jason, or Jason to Franco. Robin says she had to explain to Patrick why there was a mobster in her life that she trusted and relied on. She understands what it means to Elizabeth, but not why. Jason would never do anything to hurt Jake, physically or emotionally, and would stay away if he thought it was the right thing to do.

Franco goes to Andre’s cell, and asks if he shouldn’t be the one lying down. Andre asks why he’s there, and Franco says he needs a session in the worst way.

Alexis says he didn’t see Sam after he disappeared. She completely shut down until she tried to save him. She put on a wet suit, dove into the water, and looked, but couldn’t find him. He hates that she went through that. Alexis knows, and has done everything to spare her. She tells him to consider this a second chance. Sam survived. She did better, and persevered, putting the darkness and danger behind her. She has a new life; does he understand? A loving, well-adjusted life with her husband and children. She asks him not to make her give that up.

Andrew asks what they should tell Danny. He’s going to be scared of Jason; he’s a stranger. Sam says they’ll figure it out. Andrew asks if she wants him to be there, and she says of course. They’re in this together. He’s her heart, and she loves him.

She tells Michael not to tell Josslyn it’s from her; Carly will freak. Just put it under the tree, and say it’s from Santa. Michael says she’s a big girl, and Nelle is her friend; she should know.

Josslyn tells Oscar that he doesn’t have to do this, but he says, let’s go for it, and does the swab. She knows the chances are minuscule, but if it turns out Andrew is his father, who is he bringing the results to; his mom or his dad?

Elizabeth tells Robin that Jason would never hurt Jake; just the opposite. Robin asks what about Franco, and Elizabeth says he’s living with her. She gets he’s not Robin’s favorite person, and Robin asks if he’s anybody’s, which I think is highly insensitive of Robin, and Elizabeth says, um… hers? She says it seems crazy, but not to her. He makes her laugh, he’s amazing with the boys, and when she’s with him, she feels safe and secure. She’s more herself than she’s been in years; she’s even thinking about art again. He challenges her, and wants more for her because he thinks she deserves it. Robin says she does. Elizabeth says it’s beautiful, uncomplicated, and honest, and he’s her partner in every sense of the word. They’ve created a home together, and she can’t imagine life without him.

Franco tells Andre that he got the painting, but Andre says that’s not all he left. He was hoping Franco did right thing, and Franco says, like he did a couple of weeks ago? He left everyone hanging for years. Andre says look what it got him. Franco asks why not take him down, and Andre says Franco is still his patient. He abused the relationship, but still respects it, and him and Elizabeth. Franco says Elizabeth is super pissed at him. Andre says she has the right to be. He betrayed her trust, and it wasn’t Franco’s mess to clean up. He apologizes for involving Franco, but Franco says he kind of involved himself. Andre says he won’t tell anyone, but Franco asks what’s up with his tone. Andre tells Franco the truth shall set you free. Franco says it landed Andre behind bars. Andre says for the first time he can breathe. No more lies, no more secrets. He asks if it wouldn’t feel good to say the same.

Andrew tells Sam that he sees it every day, especially how she stood by him in the last few weeks. She tells him she wouldn’t say I love you if she didn’t. He says that if she wants to go back, he won’t stand in the way. Sam says that she loved Jason, but that was five years ago. A lot has changed, and she loves him. That’s not going to change.

Alexis tells Jason that she’s not saying it lightly. She knows what he and Sam meant to each other. Sam was devastated when she lost him, but he put her life in danger. She knows he doesn’t mean to hurt her, but did nonetheless. Sam was okay in her life with him, but she’s moved beyond that, and as mom, Alexis is relieved. Sam knows she’s loved, secure, and safe. She understands that Sam thought Andrew was him, but it’s no less real. Jason says he understands. Alexis will never understand why he chooses to do what he does, but knows he loves her daughter. She tells him don’t call, don’t show up, don’t offer to help, don’t ask anything, just don’t. Let Sam go.

Oscar says he’s been so focused on this part, he doesn’t know what comes next. Josslyn says he doesn’t have to. By this time tomorrow, they’ll have an answer. Michael comes back, and says Nelle has something for her, an early Christmas present. Oscar leaves, and Nelle says she hopes she didn’t interrupt. Josslyn says she can always interrupt for a present, but feels badly because she didn’t get anything for Nelle. Nelle says her friendship is all she needs. It’s a personally autographed photo of Shawn Mendes. Josslyn freaks out, and Nelle says she called in a favor. Josslyn hugs Nelle, and thanks her.

Robin tells Elizabeth if Franco makes her happy, it’s good enough for her, and wishes them the best. Now, she has to get back to her husband, kids, work, and life. She say, damn life; always getting in the way. They make small talk, and Elizabeth says life is fabulous, and she thinks it’s about to get even better.

Franco asks if doctor/patient confidentiality still applies. He’s still threatened by Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. Elizabeth has been in love with both of them, and now they’re rearing their ugly muscled heads. Andre asks if they’re the problem, or is Franco sabotaging his own happiness. Andre believes Franco thinks he doesn’t deserved to be loved, and Franco says maybe he doesn’t. Maybe Jason was right to try and kill him, and maybe Drew would be right too, after he pushed him down the stairs. Andre says he was a child. Franco says two brothers from the same mother want him dead. Andre thinks he’s using it as an excuse to not be honest with Elizabeth. The more he holds it in, the more it eats away at him, and erodes the relationship. Franco asks what if she doesn’t understand or believe him? Andre says if she stops loving him, it’s going to happen anyway if it continues down this path. He tells Franco to learn from his mistake. Tell her the truth and give her a chance to decide. He might be pleasantly surprised. The guard says, time’s up, which is actually funny, since that’s what a shrink always says at the end of a session. They wish each other good luck.

Alexis tells Jason that Sam and Andrew had a child together. Jason says, so do they. Alexis says she’s happy, and that state of being doesn’t come easily to Sam. She says Andrew is a good man, and walked away from Sonny for his family; don’t pull her back into that dark cloud. Jason says he never told her what to do, and he’s not starting now. Alexis hopes Sam is a mature enough mother to know he’s not an option for her. She walks away, and Jason heaves another sigh.

Sam tells Andrew the last five years led her to him, the man she loves. She didn’t fall in love because of his name, but because he’s him, and she couldn’t imagine life without him. Their life is real. Nothing is going to change that. Andrew says it would kill him if he lost her, but she says he didn’t; she’s standing right here. He tells her that he needs to figure out who Andrew Kane is, and she says they’ll do it together. He says it’s a lot. He’ll need to think. He leaves, and she looks at the picture of him in uniform with his old face.

Alexis sees Sam, and tells her she just ran into Jason – the legal one. Sam asks what he said, and she says not much; typical Jason fashion. She knows it’s hard to process, and Sam says it’s a little overwhelming. Alexis knows how much she loves him, and what a huge person he was in her life, but he’s not going to change. They know that’s who he is, and it might work for him, but doesn’t work for her. Alexis tells her to think of her children. Sam asks if Alexis thought about hers when she hooked up with Julian. Valid point. Alexis says if she goes back, she does so knowing what he does and what he’ll do to her children. Sam says she can’t breathe and has to go. She jets.

At the hospital, Franco tells himself, just tell truth. It’s not the end of the world, just his world. He sees Elizabeth, who thought he went home. He says he did, but came back because he needs to tell her something important that possibly might change things. She says she has something too, and tells him, let’s get married.

Andrew is on the bridge. Oscar shows up, and he says, we meet again. Oscar says, sorry, but Andrew says don’t apologize; it’s a good place to think. He asks if Oscar’s mom knows where he is, but then remembers she tracks him on the phone. Oscar says no anymore; he ditched the GPS. Andrew says he understands being impulsive. They place their hands exactly the same way on the railing.

Sam goes to the docks (oh, come on), and sees Jason. They gaze at each other.

Franco is surprised Elizabeth wants to marry him. She says more than anything. He asks, why now, and she says because she’s madly in love with him. She can’t imagine her world without him in it. He says those are good reasons, and he has the same ones. She asks if it’s a yes, and he says a gazillion yeses/ They kiss. She asks what he wanted to tell her, but he says it’s not important. He loves her, and she makes him happy. They kiss again, and he holds her.

Josslyn tells Nelle it’s the best gift ever, and Nelle tells her they’ll have lunch at Kelly’s soon. Michael is taking a call in the hallway, saying to call him back when they have the numbers. Nelle says a CEO’s work is never done, and thanks him for encouraging her to give Josslyn the gift; she had fun watching her open it. Michael says it was a home run, and Nelle says it was nice to put a smile on her face. She leaves, and when she gets to the elevator, takes a Sharpie out of her bag, and clicks it shut. Ooh, I guess she autographed the photo. Slick Nelle.

Josslyn puts the test in the envelope, and says, here goes nothing.

Oscar says he should leave Andrew alone, but Andrew says he doesn’t have to go; there’s plenty of room. They stand exactly the same way, with their arms folded, and I have to laugh. It’s kind of cute actually.

Jason and Sam approach each other. He says, it’s gonna be okay. Whatever happens, it’s all gonna work out. A tear rolls down her cheek. She thanks him, and he walks away. She wipes the tears off her face.

Tomorrow, Olivia wishes Monica could see her as a member of the family, Maxie surprises Amy, and Ned suggests buying out Jason and Drew.

Vanderpump Rules

It’s Scheana’s birthday costume party. Someone says they had sex with Jax. We see everyone’s reactions, and the interviewer asks if he cheated on Brittany.

Things are jumping at SUR. Lisa steals a French fry. Oh, wait. It’s probably pommes frites there. She says the restaurant has really matured in ten years. In his interview, Jax says he and Brittany are doing better since Kentucky. We flash back to the miserable time they had there. He says she stayed for a while, but since then, things have been great. She’s getting off the couch now, and into the gym. Because, God knows, that was the main issue with their relationship. Sighing like Jason on GH.

Scheana says she’s in a good place, and in a new relationship. His name is Rob, and they dated off and on, then she took a six-year break with Shay. We flash back to her telling Shay that she wants a divorce. She says if it was anyone else, she wouldn’t have started dating so quickly. She’s still waiting on the final divorce certificate.

Lisa tells Tom they’re waiting for the paperwork on the bar that she and the Toms are opening. She tells him he has to commit to it. In his interview, he says they want him and Schwartz to invest $100K. He can manage to scrape it together, but they’re not officially partners until he writes her a check.

Scheana tells Ariana to avoid Katie, who’s been rage texting. She took something as an insult that wasn’t meant that way, and they haven’t talked since. Since Katie and Stassi haven’t been in her life, Scheana feels like a weight has lifted. She tells Katie she’s not invited to her birthday party because she doesn’t want drama. This is one of the rudest things I’ve ever seen anyone do, and I’ve seen a lot of rude things. Not inviting someone is fine – it’s your party – but making a point of telling them they’re not invited? No, just no. Katie says one minute she’s a best friend, and the next Scheana hates her. She was a bridesmaid at Katie’s wedding, and made a decision somewhere along the line that they weren’t friends. Scheana tells Katie that her friends don’t speak to her the way Katie does, and Katie says her friends don’t speak about her the way Scheana does. Scheana thinks she’ll need to have the same conversation with Stassi, and Katie says count her out.

Sitting in one of the booths at SUR, Tom tells Ariana that he’s nervous. He thinks Ken and Lisa will just be doing their thing, and put the Toms’ names on it. Ariana says he’s done research. In his interview, Tom tells us about his research trip with Schwartz and Jax, where they looked into a way to incorporate weed into the venue, but found out you can’t legally incorporate it into drinks. He’s afraid that he’s going to get pushed around and told what to do. Tom suddenly realizes that Ken and Lisa are about two tables away. Giggy! In his interview, Tom says he’s positive they’ve heard every word he said. He cuts what he’s saying short. Lisa wonders what’s wrong with him, since they haven’t even started yet. What my father called crying before you’re hurt.

Katie visits Stassi, who recently moved into a new apartment in the same building. It doesn’t have central air-conditioning, and Stassi is tearing open a box with a window unit. She suggests blending some margaritas, since fruit is healthy. Katie tells Stassi about Scheana informing her that she’s not invited to her party. She says it’s fine if Scheana doesn’t want to be friends. Stassi suggests texting her and asking if she’s invited. Ha-ha! I love Stassi’s sense of humor. In her interview, Stassi says Scheana seems to be going out of her way to be an a-hole. She tells Katie that she and Patrick are doing well, and it seems like it’s changed now. Katie hopes so; she doesn’t want to see Stassi go through the pain again. Stassi says it seems like there was a shift. Katie tells us that married life is amazing, and better than dating life. They can plan for the future in a real way, and to the ultimate, final destination they’re both headed for – death.

James and Logan have a drink. Logan is James’s new best mate who he met at PUMP. He tells Logan he’s been kicked out of PUMP six times. He tells Logan that Raquel is coming back for the entire summer, and he’s refurbished accordingly, like getting a new rug that doesn’t have vomit and wine stains on it. Raquel arrives, and James tells Logan to get lost. See you in September, Logan.

Tom and Schwartz go to the TomTom site. Tom wants it to have heart and hand-crafted cocktails. And sexy TVs. Whatever that means. Schwartz thinks Tom’s attention to detail is great, but he becomes hyper-focused on unimportant things. Tom is worried that Ken and Lisa will be doing everything. He tells Schwartz about them overhearing his conversation with Ariana. Schwartz asks if it’s an issue, or should they pretend it didn’t happen. Tom says wait to see if they bring it up.

Ken and Lisa arrive. They talk about the kitchen. Lisa says a lot of work has gone on behind the scenes. It’s going to be romantic industrial, not pretty, but with pretty elements. Tom asks if it’s going to be comfortable, and Ken says yes, explaining the floor plan. Tom is skeptical, and in her interview, Lisa says what were they thinking, doing thirty-three restaurants without Tom’s input? In Tom’s interview, he says he’s investing $100K, so they’ll have to deal with his questions. Both logical comments. Schwartz says they have the experience and are putting in the majority of the of the capital. Lisa says, all of the capital, and tells him that she and Ken had decided to have a quiet drink, and heard Tom saying a lot of negative things. Tom says she purposely hid. He was venting on the assumption that they were alone. Well, of course Lisa can do no wrong, but it sure looked like they’d been there a while, and I think Tom and Ariana sat down without noticing them, so way it goes. Lisa says they’re giving him a leg up because she’s invested in him. She’s giving him an opportunity to shine with his artisan cocktails, and hears negative comments straightaway. Schwartz is concerned that Tom is screwing it up before it starts. Lisa says she’s going to PUMP and rethinking it.

Brittany does a facial mask on Jax. He tells us that they upgraded their housing; it made sense. Brittany thinks they’re going to have fun tonight. They haven’t been out in a while, and they need this. She says dating Jax is confusing, because he has multiple personalities, and it’s hard to know who he really is. She tells him no more mess-ups, and asks if he loves her. He says he does.

Tom sets up a credenza. He tells us that he and Ariana have been together three years. It’s time to take the next step, and buy a credenza together. He tells her about Lisa bringing up the other night, and not being happy. Ariana thinks she shouldn’t be eavesdropping. He had valid concerns. He says she wasn’t sure about moving forward with the bar, and is worried he’s jeopardized it for Schwartz as well. He wonders if he’ll have to be bartender for the rest of his life.

Schwartz tells Katie what ties his outfit together is the mask. He’s wearing a suit with a Jason from Friday the 13th mask. In his interview, he says since they tied the knot, it’s getting better, but he doesn’t want to push it by telling her about Tom jeopardizing their venture. He puts on another mask to show Stassi. She asks if there are any more options, and puts on Jason mask. Ariana asks if he’s excited, and tells him that Scheana has been talking sh*t a lot. Why is he going??? In her interview, Stassi says he has a wife, and should put her first. Exactly. There’s no way in hell my husband would be going to a party I was told I wasn’t invited to. Schwartz says they have enough friends. If they lose one or two, eh.

Jax goes on a beer run. To Schwartz’s apartment. He asks if he can grab a beer, and Schwartz says he never texts; he just comes to the door. Stassi tells them that she’s seeing Patrick again. Schwartz says he got suspicious when she was out of town, and he saw Patrick in her car. Jax asks what Katie and Stassi are doing, and they say getting wasted. Schwartz suggests they put a hex on Scheana, that every time someone takes a picture with her, it’s on her bad side. Stassi tells us that she always photographs at the same angle, and will refuse to take a photo if it isn’t that way. Jax finally leaves after examining every edible thing in their kitchen.

Rob comes to pick up Scheana. In her interview, she says she cleared the apartment of everything Shay. She’s turned his mess of a room into her new bedroom, and the master bedroom into huge walk-in closet. Omg, I did a similar thing in my house. Hers is nicer than mine though, with more expensive clothing. She tells Rob that she pretty much invited whole crew, minus Stassi and Katie; Lala is out of town. Scheana tells him to be prepared for Lisa to grill him. In her interview, she says Rob was the last person she slept with before Shay, and the first person she slept with after Shay. She tells us that everything is bigger and better.

Everyone gets ready. I love Scheana’s mask! It’s a Victorian lace thing. Something like Lady Gaga would wear. Ariana tells Tom that he looks like General George Washington’s gay friend. Ariana tells us that they love costume parties. Tom tells her a buddy ran into Faith at the OK! Magazine party, and she said she’d been sleeping with Jax. Ariana says if it’s true, she’ll kill him. We flash back to Faith, who was a server at SUR, but not an integral part of any story. Not even Housewife “friend” caliber. Ariana tells Tom to talk to Jax, or she’s talking to Brittany. He thinks it’s farfetched, and maybe just a rumor.

The venue is a restaurant called The Guild, and the password is 420. It’s pretty crowded. Kristen and Faith are both there. James feels safe around Jax now, and in his interview, Jax says his opinion has changed. He used to want to bash James’s face in, but now kind of wants to take him under his wing, like a lost puppy. Scheana arrives, totally glam. Jax says Kristen must be excited, since usually crashes a party. In her interview, Kristen thinks Scheana should pump the breaks a little. She’s not looking for boyfriend, but a husband. Tom tells Jax about the candid conversation with Ariana, and how Lisa told him that she needs to think about it now.

Lisa comes in wearing a feathered headdress mask. Scheana introduces her to Rob, and she says he’d better be worthy. She tells Scheana not to minimize marriage. In her interview, she says that Scheana’s feelings aren’t a reliable source. At Katie’s wedding, she said she had butterflies for Shay, and she needs to slow down. Rob promises his phone is off. Jax talks about having kids, and how most of the world thinks he shouldn’t reproduce. I would be in that group. In her interview, Brittany says he knows marriage and kids are in her plan, and he told her family he wants to marry her. We flash back to that. She says they’re going in the right direction.

Stassi says it’s late night done right. She, Katie, and Schwartz are out for a pre-party drink. Stassi went to Bora Bora with them on their honeymoon. In her interview, she says there’s not much to do there, and she made it fun. She’d invite her too. She says she wouldn’t make it a thing not to invite someone to a party, and doesn’t know what went wrong. She feels good about it. She put in the effort, but now she’s free of it. She’s learned her lesson with Scheana. We flash back to their tumultuous relationship. She says time has proven they’re not meant to be friends.

Tom pulls Jax aside. Elsewhere in the room, James asks Faith if she’s okay. Tom tells Jax there’s a rumor about him and Faith. Faith tells James that says Jax told her he’d wanted her for a long time, and it happened so fast. Tom says he heard a rumor that Jax had sex with Faith, but he says he’s past that kind of behavior. Faith tells James she hasn’t had her period. In his interview, James is sure if Faith is pregnant, she’ll keep the baby, and says his head would explode just thinking about a mini Jax running around. Adam tells Brittany there’s a rumor that Jax slept with Faith.

Schwartz tells Brittany if it was true, he would cover, but he hasn’t heard anything about it. Brittany says that she basically can’t believe anybody. In his interview, Schwartz says Jax seems to love her. He doesn’t have his usual side chicks and low-key Tinder accounts. Jax tells Faith to let them know it’s not true. Shades of what he did to Lala. Faith asks if he’s serious. Tom says she went to Adam. She says she knows what she did. Brittany says she’ll go insane, and asks if someone can’t be honest. Adam says he doesn’t want to believe it, but he does. Brittany asks where Jax is. Scheana tells Lisa. In her interview, Brittany says Jax has done a lot of effed-up things, but if this is true, she’ll drop kick both their asses and they’re dead to her. She tells everyone she changed her life for him, and  if he cheated, she’s done.

Brittany approaches Jax. He says he didn’t do it; he’s getting into trouble for nothing, and being set up. He asks why he would hook up with someone in their circle, and we flash back to Kristen. Tom tells Scheana about it. In her interview, Kristen wants to bash his privates in with sledgehammer. She calls him a bunch of names, and tells him to go eff himself. Lisa asks if Brittany is okay, and she says no; it’s not fair. Kristen goes outside, and confronts Faith.

Jax tells Brittany that he didn’t do it. She says if she finds out it’s true, she’s moving out and taking the dogs with her, and he can rot in effing hell.

This season, flipping out, shot skis, twerking, drinking, nakedness, voguing, Stassi’s birthday, Pride Day (there can’t be one without Lisa), Mexico, Harrison! Giggy! Lisa says there are a lot of skanks in this town, Stassi says where there’s smoke there’s fire, Stassi and Patrick break up again, Lisa wants 100% commitment from the Toms, Lala is back, and Lisa asks for Jax’s resignation. Whew!

👱 I checked out RelationShep, and it’s light, but worthy. Cameron thinks it’s time for Shep to grow up. Me too, but I don’t have much hope for that. Shep says he’s unbearably wonderful, and Cameron believes he has the potential to be a catch, but has some things to work on. Shep doesn’t want to wake up 45 and single, so his friends across the country are going to be his matchmakers. It works kind of like The Bachelor, where he goes on dates with them, and then the final picks will go to his hometown to see if they gel. I like Shep, but my jury is out on whether he’s really ready to settle down or not.

😱 Alexis giving Jason a list of what not to do on GH, reminded me of the fake trailer for a fake movie called Don’t in the full version of Quentin Tarantino’s Grindhouse. Be forewarned, it’s gory. Funny, but gory.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czR4qJbkSuc

Don'tGrindhouse

Nov22

November 21, 2017 – Robin Makes the Rounds, Wrong Loving Finale, a Disco Party Drunk & a New Inn

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

 

General Hospital

Franco gives the boys hats that are exact replicas of pilgrim hats. Elizabeth asks if there’s a bonnet for her, but he says the costume shop supports gender fluidity, and gives her a hat. Franco is thankful for them, and the welcome to their family. He vows to protect them and the beautiful life they share, no matter what.

Robin stops by Sonny’s. She tells Carly about seeing Jason, and Carly asks if there’s any doubt in her mind. She says none whatsoever. Carly tells her they made a terrible mistake.

Michael, Jason, and Sonny have a beer on the patio. Jason is thankful to be home.

Alexis stops by Sam and Andrew’s place. Sam tells her there’s a work emergency. There was a break in the programming for a broadcast. Andrew says it has something to do with Olivia-J.

Ava emails Dr. Zajack. She’s heard he’s had wonderful results with cutting-edge methods, and thinks he can help her. She asks to discuss it with him. Griff arrives. He asks what has her so intent.

Sonny thinks Klein’s boss cut his losses. Jason thinks he’s waiting for the right time to strike. Sonny says they have to find him.

Sam wonders why they’re promoting Olivia’s case, and Andrew says it’s newsworthy. She tells him to go on to dinner, and she’ll catch up. Alexis says the good news is he’s leaning into his role as a media mogul, and Sam tells her that he wants something lasting for their family; something no one can take away.

Robin asks what they were supposed to think when the DNA test came back a match? Carly says when she looked into Real Jason’s eyes, she knew. Robin tried to be logical, saying he could be the twin, but then she just knew it was him. Carly says they don’t have to miss him anymore. The guys come in.

Griff says Ava’s not returning his phone calls. Is she swamped or avoiding him? He says things were uncomfortable at the MetroCourt, and Ava says Carly couldn’t wait to blame her for Morgan’s death. It’s Carly venom; don’t pay attention. Griff says Carly doesn’t know him or what he wants, and he’s not going anywhere. He asks why no Thanksgiving with Kiki, and Ava says Kiki is working, so she followed her example. Griff is on call, but has no plans. Ava is surprised he’s not volunteering, and he tells her he just came from there. She says once a do-gooder always a do-gooder, and he says that now that the doing good is done, he can’t think of better person to spend this day with.

Griff brought Thanksgiving subs from Kelly’s, and mulled apple cider. Ava says he’s thoughtful, and he tells her that he has no intention of letting her be alone. She says she has plenty to keep her occupied with reconstructing her life. He says Carly was brutal, but if Ava hangs on to anything from her old life, refuse to be ruled by how others see her; focus on how she sees herself.

Elizabeth is thankful they have each other, and that Franco joined their family. Aiden is thankful for his grandma helping him with his homework, Cameron is thankful he met Aunt Hayden, and Jake is thankful that his mom and dad are getting along better. There’s a knock at the door. it’s Andrew. Jake hugs him.

Robin thanks Sonny for his help. She tells Carly that she contacted Sonny because she knew Jason would be with him. When Sonny said he wasn’t, she went to the footbridge. She tells Jason that she thought it was a dream and had to double-check. Jason asks if she can stay, but she tells him Anna is waiting; she’s doing her best to put on a big dinner. Sonny tells her to bring Noah over asap. They leave Robin and Jason to talk. Robin asks how he’s feeling, and he says he can’t complain. She guesses even though he’s found his way back home, he’s still far away from Sam and Danny. He says five years long time, and can’t blame her for moving on. Robin says she didn’t really; she thought she married him. Jason says Sam’s husband thinks he’s him, and he doesn’t want to put Sam in the middle. Robin says it’s easier for Sonny and Carly; they saw him and knew. Sam has a baby with her husband, and she can’t recognize him without breaking his heart, but that doesn’t change her love for him. If anyone gets it, she does.

Sam brings out pies she picked up for dinner. Alexis thanks her, saying Molly is so invested in impressing TJ, her fridge is full. She asks Sam if there’s been any word on Patient 6, but she says they haven’t heard anything since the confirmation of them being twins. Alexis asks what she thinks, and Sam says she loves her husband more than anything, but if turns out that Patient 6 is Jason, what does she do? What does it mean for them and their family if she believes it? She tells Alexis that she feels guilty, and Alexis says no one can blame him for fighting for his family. Sam says she doesn’t blame anyone, except whoever put it in motion. She says her husband wants to focus on Aurora, so that’s what she’s going to do. They sit down to watch the broadcast.

Nora is having a press conference. She explains that she’s the attorney on record for Olivia Jerome. She’s there to read a statement about the events that led up to the conviction of Olivia’s brother, Julian.

Ava gets a text from Kiki. It’s a link to a live feed of the broadcast, Nora reads Olivia’s words, saying how she experienced a break from reality. Her healing is slow and difficult, but she’s once again of sound mind. Now that she’s recovered, she couldn’t wait to clear her conscience. Julian was not acting of his own free will. He had no choice but to do her bidding, and should not be held responsible for any of her crimes.

Robin tells Jason that she watched Patrick struggle with same thing. Jerry Jax and Helena had kept her captive. She got away, and found her way back to Port Charles, but Patrick was about to marry another woman when she showed up. It was heartbreaking for everyone, especially Patrick. He’d moved on and fell in love. He couldn’t just pick up their life. He needed time and space to figure it out. Maybe Sam needs that too.

The boys go to watch football. Andrew says he’s going to Sam’s mom’s house for dinner. Jake asks if he’s talked to the guy pretending to be him, but he says he hasn’t found out anything. Franco goes to check on dinner. Andrew tells Elizabeth at least his son believes who he is, and her. Sonny and Carly believe the other guy, when he’s always been their friend. Elizabeth can’t imagine how he feels. He says they’re willing to trust his twin, when they don’t know where he came from or what he wants. Elizabeth tells him not to stress out over it; it will do more harm than good. He says that’s easier said than done. She tells him that it’s out of his control, but answers are on the way. He wishes he was as sure she is, and she says she has faith he’ll find answers he’s looking for.

Robin visits Elizabeth. She sees Andrew, and says, hi. He tells her it’s not much of greeting. She says she’s sorry, and he asks why she’s apologizing. She tells him that she thought he was Jason, but now that she’s seen his brother… Andrew finishes that she thinks he’s Jason.

Jason looks at Morgan’s photo. Michael comes in, and Jason asks what Morgan was like. Michael says reckless, charming, and funny. Morgan could make him mad, and then make him laugh so hard, he could barely stand. I’m telling you, he only became a laugh riot after death. I do not remember him being that way at all. Michael tells Jason there were a lot of ups and downs, and it wasn’t always nice when he got in trouble. Michael sometimes resented his job to clean things up, and wonders why he has to take care of everybody. For the first time ever, I identify with Michael. Jason says because they need him. He wishes he’d been there to help Morgan too.

Carly peeks in on Michael and Jason talking, and Sonny tells her not to hover. He told her that Michael would see the truth. She says a year ago, she didn’t think she’d be thankful for anything again, but  instead of being lost and in pain, she’s grateful for what she lost and got back. They go inside. Sonny sees the broadcast. Nora is saying that Julian was never a willing accomplice. Olivia forced him to cooperate.

Sam asks Alexis if Olivia is trying to exonerate Julian. Nora continues, saying Duke was murdered by one of Julian’s associates, and Olivia blamed Julian. She wanted him to suffer, and told him that his loved ones would pay the price if he didn’t help her. He had no choice but to commit any crime she told him to.

Elizabeth goes upstairs. Andrew asks how could Robin, of all people, not know the truth? He was with her at the clinic. It was her dream and research that saved him. When the clinic blew up, he carried her out and saved her life, but she says he’s not Jason. He tells her that Faison shot him, and he was pulled out of the river by Helena’s men, and kept on the island. She says while all that was happening, Helena messed with his mind, and convinced him that he’s Jason. He says that’s not possible. He remembers her, and their relationship. It’s not just memories; he feels it. None of that is real?

Michael tells Jason about Nelle being Josslyn’s kidney donor. She wasn’t a volunteer, but her father sold it without her permission. Jason says he sounds like a great guy. Michael says he was Carly’s stepfather. He lied, and Nelle wanted revenge. She lied and did bad things to his family. When she found out he truth, she was sorry, and he forgave her, but Carly, not so much. She kept on lying and keeping secrets though. He gets that she had a hard life, but she couldn’t stop. He told her they needed to take a break and give each other space. She kept pushing, but if she’d given him space, they might have made it work. Although I’m not too fond of Nelle at this point, I’m annoyed that Michael makes it sound like she chased him down. She kept offering to exit his life.

Nora continues to read Olivia’s statement, saying Julian has done things he should pay for, but she can’t in good conscience, allow him to pay for her crimes. Nora tells the press that the document has been forwarded to the proper authorities, and she’s not taking any questions.

Sam wonders what it means.

Griff asks what the point is. Ava says she wasn’t even thinking about what Olivia did to him. Her family is a nightmare, and he should run for the hills. He says he’s not going anywhere, and asks if she’s sure he can’t tempt her into spending Thanksgiving with him. His phone rings, and he’s needed in the ER. He asks for a raincheck. Ava says sure, but she’s going to be working on a project for the next couple of days. He calls it her big, secret project, and says he’s glad she’s diving in head first. Before long, she’ll feel like her old self again. She says she’s counting on it.

Carly asks who would give Julian a get out of jail free card. Sonny thinks someone is working on it, and she wonders if it’s Alexis.

Sam asks Alexis if this will exonerate Julian, but she says it might be enough for another trial. Sam says she doesn’t even view him as a father because of the horrible things he’s done to Alexis. Even if he’s not an accessory to Olivia’s crimes, he’s committed plenty of his own that he hasn’t paid for. She wonders why a statement came out of nowhere. Alexis tells her it’s Thanksgiving, and let’s just spend the day with family. Sam says they can talk tomorrow about how blindsided they both are. At least she is. She gets the feeling the news isn’t a complete shock to Alexis.

Andrew wonders how the life he remembers with Sonny and Carly and his wife wasn’t real. How is it possible that it was programmed into him? This, coming from the same guy who wondered how she programmed him not to remember.  Robin says what she knows for sure is that they’re biological twins, Susan is their mother, and Alan their father. He’s a Quartermaine, and Scout’s father. All the people who care about him, still do. That’s what matters. He says he needs them to believe him into him, and he’s looking at someone who cares that doesn’t. Robin says she has to go, and she’ll call Elizabeth later.

Franco comes out, and says it sounded rough. Andrew tells him not to start. Franco says he gets that “Jason” doesn’t like him. He feels the same way, but here they are. He’s trying to be a friend, and tells him what he needs to hear. He knows what it’s like for someone to tell who you are. They know, or think they know, about your past, and get to tell you who you are and what you want. He says screw anybody and everybody who tells him that he’s not Jason. He knows who he is, and what mattered. Don’t give up without a fight. Elizabeth listens from the hallway.

Dr. Zajack calls Ava. She says she’s heard amazing things about his work, and would like a consultation. I’m wondering if he’s Klein’s boss.

Sam thought Alexis would have had a bigger reaction. What if Julian is released? He held her at knifepoint. Alexis says she’s a Cassadine. She grew up in a world where violence and deception were the activities of the day. No matter what she does, it doesn’t change where she came from. Sam asks if she thinks deserves Julian, and Alexis says she thinks we’re drawn to the familiar and what we’re accustomed to. Both of their worlds were toxic, and they understand more than anyone else can. Nothing can change that. The ties they have are deeper than what logic can define. If Julian gets out, it will be better for him than where he is now, but she promises to move on to the next chapter. Sam hopes she means that. Alexis says she does, and leaves with the pies.

Franco tells “Jason” that he was once Jake Doe, but when his memories returned, he didn’t fall back in line as Sonny’s sidekick and Carly’s enabler. He built a life that works for him. Don’t let anyone take it away. Andrew says Franco’s is the only opinion he doesn’t give a damn about, because he’s turning into the biggest a-hole on the planet. He leaves, and Elizabeth tells Franco, nice try. He says he has his moments. She says, yes, just not with Jason. She asks why he reached out. Franco says it’s important to her and Jake, and they’re important to him. She says he always surprises her, and she loves him. He says despite circumstances and logic, she does, and just so she knows, he loves her too. They kiss.

Carly asks Michael where Jason is, and Michael says he thought Jason was with them.

Sam calls up to Danny to get a move on. She hopes Alexis isn’t visiting Julian by now. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Real Jason. They stare at each other.

Tomorrow, David does some Thanksgiving cooking, Andrew asks Monica if they’re still good, and Jason asks Sam what she wants him to do.

If Loving You is Wrong

Larry acts ignorant about saying Marcie was pregnant. He changes it, telling Randal that he was talking about Alex. Randal asks if Marcie is pregnant with that bastard’s baby. Larry says Randal is getting worked up over something he didn’t say. Randal says he doesn’t like Larry playing, and tells him get out. He doesn’t want to drive drunk, and Randal says he just did. Larry keeps insisting he didn’t say it. Randal says he ran into Marcie at the hospital, and kicks Larry out. Call Uber, Larry.

Marcie’s phone rings. It’s Randal, and she lets it go to voicemail. Her car won’t start, so she calls a tow place (Benny’s?) and they say it’s a two-hour wait. They have to send someone from Cincinnati. She says she’ll take a cab, but they need her to stay with the vehicle. Huh? If she’s taking a cab, why not wait until morning for the tow? She agrees, and I think, no good will come of this.

Brad’s phone rings while he’s sleeping. Alex answers. Marcie says, oh, all disappointed. Alex says she told Marcie not to call. Marcie says she needs Brad, and Alex repeats herself. Marcie tells Alex that she has car trouble, but she doesn’t care. She says call a cab. Marcie says if she does, she’ll come to the front door and take Brad out of bed; she’s not waiting two hours for a tow. Alex says her husband doesn’t belong to Marcie, and Marcie says it felt like it when he was in her bed. She promises she’s coming over there, but Alex hangs up. Marcie calls a cab.

Randal tells Larry to get off his porch. Larry says he’s waiting for his car. Randal pulls him up. He says he’s going to Marcie’s, and Larry grabs his keys. Randal jumps him, and they start fighting on the lawn. Alex hears something, and looks out the window. I’d laugh and go back to bed. Larry gets Randal in a choke hold. Randal says he’s not playing with him, and Larry asks if he’s calming down. He says he is, so Larry lets him go. Then – no surprise – he jumps Larry. Randal sees Alex, and says he knows what she wants to see, unzipping his pants. She closes the curtains, and Larry calls him a fool. Brad asks if he’s hearing shouting, and Alex tells him Randal is fighting with some guy. Brad hopes he gets his ass kicked.

Randal throws Larry up against his car, and tells him to go home. Larry says he’s not going anywhere. We see some whips and chains on the passenger seat, and Randal says Larry brought his toys. Larry says, wishful thinking, and he calls Larry a freak. Larry says Randal has tried it, but Randal says that was in college. He asks, as a friend, if Marcie is pregnant. Larry starts laughing. He forgot what a fool Randal is when he’s drinking. He heads toward Randal’s house, saying he’s going to sleep it off. Randal follows.

Natalie’s phone rings. It’s Kelly. She heard something in the backyard, and asks if Lushion is there. Natalie says he isn’t, but she’ll come over. She brings her gun. Kelly comes out, but Natalie tells her to stay on the porch, while she goes around to the back. The yard is empty, but Eddie pops up from behind the fence, asking what she’s doing with that toy gun. She tells him people are trying to sleep, and he tells her to get her ass back inside.

Natalie tells Kelly it was Eddie in Brad’s backyard. Kelly wonders why, but Natalie doesn’t know. She wants to give Kelly the gun, but Kelly doesn’t want to take it. Natalie says it’s hers and it has a nice balance. Kelly asks what if he comes to her house, and Natalie says she wishes he would. She’d cut him up in little pieces. Kelly goes back inside with the gun.

Now Brad hears something. He says that bastard, and goes downstairs; Alex following him. He sees Eddie sleeping in a lounge chair, and tells him to go home. He says he doesn’t have one, and Brad says he’s not sleeping there. Eddie tells Alex he has no place to go. By the time he got to the hotel, Brad’s credit card reached its limit. He says he’s not bothering anyone, and asks for a blanket. Brad goes inside. He tosses Eddie a blanket and pillow, and Eddie sarcastically says he’s a real friend, and he likes his eggs scrambled.

Alex asks Brad if he’s really sleeping there, and Brad says he’ll be gone in the morning. Brad says he’s her cousin, but Alex says she’s disowned him. There’s a knock at the door. Busy night in Maxine. They both go back downstairs. It’s Marcie. She says she called Brad, but Alex wouldn’t put him on the phone. She tells him sugar is in the tank of her car, and ruined the engine. She’s sure it’s Randal, and asks to borrow his car. Alex asks if she can’t rent one, but she says she’s not going into the city at this time of night. Brad says he doesn’t need his car for a couple of days. Marcie tells him she needs to get some boxes out of her car, and he offers to help. When he goes upstairs to get some shoes, Marcie tells Alex that he’s always going to rescue her. This isn’t going away any time soon. Alex says as soon as they walk out, she’s telling Marcie’s husband that she’s pregnant. Marcie says that will be around the time she’ll be screwing Alex’s husband. He loves her, and when she screwed him, she made sure he’d remember. Brad comes back, and Marcie tells Alex they’ll be a while, so she should go back to sleep – she looks tired.

Lushion knocks on Kelly’s door. She asks what happened, and he says they let Travis go; they couldn’t keep him. He says they’ll get him. She says he’s ruined her life, and they can’t even hold him. She tells Lushion to find something to hold him, but he says it will take time. She asks how much, but he has no answer. She asks if Travis has to kill her before something is done. He won’t let that happen, but she wonders how they can stop it. She has a son to think about. It’s too much, and she can’t keep doing this. She wants her life back. She wants her freedom back. Lushion says they’ll get him, and he’s right next door. He tells her to put the alarm on and lock the door. He leaves, and she sets the alarm.

Lushion goes home. Natalie says Kelly thought she heard something in the backyard. He asks if it was Travis, and tells Natalie that he’s out. She says it was Eddie. His dumb ass was in Alex’s backyard. Lushion says they did toss his place pretty good. She asks how Travis got out, and he says they couldn’t hold him. She tells him good thing she gave Kelly her gun. He’s not on board with that, but she says it calmed her down; it gives her some comfort. He’s getting it first thing in the morning, and asks if she hasn’t learned her lesson. Natalie says her gun is legit. He says it doesn’t matter, and Natalie tells him that she’s going to bed.

Larry goes out on Randal’s back porch to see the infamous shed. He says it’s a good spot, and explains how his BDS&M stuff can be set up. Eddie hears them. Larry and Randal have another drink. They laugh about Brad’s house being so close. Larry says he’s thinking of something else he’d like to do. Eddie pops up, and asks if he wants to do Randal. He asks who Larry is, calling him ma’am. Larry invites him over for a drink, but he says it looks like ladies’ night. Randal tells Larry that Eddie doesn’t have their history, and Eddie says no new history with him. Larry asks if he’s coming, and Eddie says he thinks he will. Randal asks what he’s doing, and Larry says what they did to Michael, and they do some weird secret handshake thing.

Eddie asks what the ladies are drinking. He tells them Alex is his cousin, and she’s the one Randal did in the shed, where he wants to tie up his chains, Larry says he wants to do Randal, but Randal’s not into it. He thinks Eddie might be though. Randal says Eddie took him to the woods and tried to kill him. Larry asks if this is the guy Randal came to see him about. He tells Eddie that he’s a lawyer. Eddie says he looked him up, and knows he has a wife and kids. He says Larry was a smart guy, dropping the charges. Larry says that was Randal. Eddie asks if his wife knows he’s there trying to get in the shed. Larry says he and his wife share everything, including Randal. He tells Eddie that she’s a dominatrix, and he has some stuff in the car. Eddie says as tempting as it is, he’ll pass. Larry says, let’s do this. Eddie asks for higher quality booze, and Larry goes inside to get something else.

Eddie asks if Randal is still trying to get Alex, but Randal says she’s old news. He has his eye on Esperanza; she’s his kind of ass. Eddie says she doesn’t like his kind, and Randal calls him a sorry, racist SOB. Suddenly, Larry comes up behind Eddie, and puts a plastic bag over his head. He struggles, and Randal helps subdue him. Well, I wasn’t expecting that.

Brad takes Marcie to her car, and moves the boxes to his car. He says the boxes are practically empty, so what’s going on? She says he offered, and she wanted to see him. He tells her she can’t do this. She wants to know why he can’t help her get over him. He asks if she flattened her own tire the other night, and she says she wouldn’t do that. She’s not crazy, which is debatable. He says she needs to call the police, but she says she has no proof. He tells her that she can’t keep calling him this late; he wants to make it work with Alex. She says Randal won’t let him. Brad admits Randal is trying everything, and Marcie says he’s relentless. She asks what she’s supposed to do when she misses Brad, and he says it will pass. She tells him she was at dinner with a really attractive guy, and she could only think of him. She’s having a hard time with this. He says he loves his wife, and Marcie is the one who begged him to save Randal. She asks if he’s saying she should go back to him, and Brad says she loves him and she knows it. Alex calls, and he says he’s on his way back. Pouting isn’t a good look for Marcie.

Travis jumps Kelly’s fence. He opens the electrical box and cuts the wires to the alarm. He tries to open the window, but it only opens an inch or two. She hears him, and silently approaches. He says, hi, and notices she’s not scared. She says, no. He asks to come in, and she tells him okay. She deactivates the alarm, so I have no idea what wires he cut. She opens the door, and steps away from it. He comes in, and closes the door, locking it. She asks what he wants, and he says her. She tells him to take his clothes off, but he suggests going in the bedroom. She says that’s too close to Justice, and tells him she missed him. He says he knew she wanted him back. All he had to do was wear her down. She says he has. He tells her to take her clothes off, but she says she wants to see him. She thinks about it all the time. Then she shoots him four times. Yes! He slumps down by the door, struggling to breathe.

This was the finale, so no preview.

❗I didn’t catch the dates, but next time, If Loving You is Wrong will be moving to Wednesday, while The Haves and the Have Nots will remain on Tuesday.

Below Deck

Captain Lee calls Kate to the bridge. He says he had a conversation with Matt about his less than stellar performance. Kate tells the captain they’re on the same page. Bruno doesn’t know why he’s been kicked out of the galley, and tells Matt that he needs to prove himself.

Kyle says he can tap into Jen’s craziness. Kate thinks a lot of people would have expected her to fire Jen by now, but hiring a new stew this late in the game would only be more work for her. In her interview, Jen says she’s there, working, and not giving Kate any reason to fire her, and she’s not quitting. Kate tells her to focus on the charter guests.

Matt’s making something in a muffin pan, and I want one. Jen bitches to Bri, and Kate walks in. In her interview, Kate says she’s thankful for every day she works with Jen, because she’s one step closer to not working with her. The Valor drops anchor. Captain Lee watches Matt, who can’t figure out why the captain isn’t loving his cooking. Those are quiches in the muffin pan. I still want one.

Nico says he did respect EJ, and learned a lot. He wants to channel into being a focused leader, but not a d*ck, and wants to end the season strong. The guests love he quiches, and I want one even more. The water toys are set up. The captain will be joining the guests for dinner, and Kate irons his white uniform. Some of the guests go off on jet skis. Matt thinks maybe he should pack his bags now. Kate tells Bri there’s a disco party tonight.

Nico is called to the wheelhouse. Captain Lee is checking on how things are going. He thinks Nico has more confidence now. The deckhands will step up and get it done, or Nico will drop a hammer on their asses. He tells Nico that if he needs him, don’t call. Kate and Kyle hang out on their break. She’s glad to see a familiar face, and he’s a welcome distraction. They play shag, marry, kill, and eat Doritos. The guests drink mass quantities of white wine.

Baker asks Bri how it’s going. She says riding the roller coaster of Jen. Baker thinks Nico seems calmer, and that Bri has a good effect on him. Bri talks about them going to decompress in St. Martin.

Cutest. Table Setting. Ever. Lot of glow sticks, but it looks better than it sounds.

The captain bugs Matt some more. In his interview, Matt says his goal is not to mess it up. He needs to prove he can do this, and says the meal needs to go perfectly.

Captain Lee says let’s go bust a move. The guests are bummed that it’s their last night. Everyone is dressed in white, and he tells them how lovely they look. In his interview, the captain says having dinner with the guests is awkward, and they sometimes get carried away, but it comes with the territory and you have to roll with it. They take pictures, and sit down to dinner. Jen is picking up what Kyle is putting down, and says he’s an intriguing individual. He’s not a basic bitch. Matt creates salads. He says cooking for the captain is more intimidating than cooking for guests. He hopes they like it, but hopes he likes it more.

Kate serves a scallop salad. One guests complains that the scallops are gummy, and picks them out. In her interview, Kate says charter guests need, want, and expect rich and crazy every night, but Matt isn’t all that. Shelly asks if the captain is coming to their pajama jam, but he says he has paperwork to do. I would too.

Next is salmon, and one of the guests doesn’t eat fish. It wasn’t on the preference sheet, and Matt says he can’t win. All the captain will see is the guests not liking fish, and it looks bad. He makes linguine for the non-fish eaters, and it looks great. A lot better than when I make it with jarred sauce. In his interview, Captain Lee says it was exactly what he doesn’t want to see, and mediocrity is not acceptable. Shelly tells the captain she can do the splits. He looks so bored, I laugh. Jen tells Kyle that Kate’s not happy with her. In her interview, she says it’s refreshing to have someone to talk to who gets her. She has a thing for accents, but doesn’t understand half the sh*t that comes out of his mouth. Too bad he can’t carry around subtitles.

The disco party begins. Shelly says it’s like Studio 51, and another guest has to correct her. In his interview, the captain says there’s always one group of ladies that are batsh*t nuts, but they’re fun. It’s like a lounge atmosphere, but everyone seems drunk and half falling asleep. Shelly sings to Captain Lee, and the other girls wander off. She tells the captain that he’s intelligent, and she loves who he is as a person. Kate doesn’t know what it is with Captain Lee and a certain demographic, but it’s strong. He says there’s a fine line between a lot of fun and sloppy. Shelly does the splits and falls over. The captain makes his excuses, and gets the hell out of Dodge. On the way back to their rooms, one of Shelly’s friends says she’s being mean. Shelly says she’s the primary, and you don’t eff with the primary

A commercial comes on for A Very Kardashian Holiday, and I already know I’ll be skipping that.

Two of the guests realize there probably isn’t going to be much of a pajama party. Matt says fun and exciting isn’t the easiest thing to do. Shelly tells Kate the others are jealous. They think the captain liked her, but she’s the primary and doesn’t care. Kate says she’s sure they’ll regret it in the morning. In her interview, Kate gives the stages of being hammered: this is fun, I love everyone, I really love everyone, I hate you all, I hate my life, and goodnight. Shelly says she needs new friends.

Jen is sleeping when the guests ask for coffee. Kyle offers to make it, and she says her alarm didn’t go off. Yeah, right. She’s lazy. I’m not saying I could do this job, but she’s a lot younger and it’s what she signed up for. Baker swabs the deck. The captain asks Kate how she thinks dinner went. She says the scallops weren’t a hit, but she liked the color. She thinks it was just okay. In her interview, she says Matt just isn’t good enough. Captain Lee says he thought it was better than usual. Kate agrees that Matt made more of an effort, but if the guests had more discerning taste, and less wine, they might not have thought it was as good as they did.

Shelly makes it out of bed. Matt makes omelets. Bloody Marys and Mimosas are ordered. Kate tells Jen there was big time drama with yelling and screaming the night before. In her interview, Kate says she’s had to train plenty of stews, but with Jen it’s different. She started at an older age, and is more set in her ways. She’s no longer at a learning stage in her life. Kate points out that she obviously hasn’t changed her hair style in ten years. Nico asks Bri if she’s happy about the season. She is, but also kind of sad because it went by quickly. In his interview, Nico says Bri has been a great thing for him, and a good escape, but he doesn’t know what he’s doing next. He needs time to assess what he wants to do after the season is over. Yep. She was fine for the boat, but he’s ditching her now.

It’s time to head back to shore. The captain tells Nico, good job. One of Shelly’s friends says it wasn’t funny, and she doesn’t need it in her world. I assume she’s talking about Shelly’s drunken tirade. The guests pack. The docking is frenetic as usual, but the captain pronounces it outstanding. Nico says he may not be bosun, but he takes his job seriously.

The guests say goodbye, and there are lots of hugs. Shelly says it was amazing, five-star, and perfect. She says Matt is so talented, and his salad dressing was off the charts. In his interview, Matt basks in the praise, saying, in in your face. Jen is excited, and hoping for $2K each.

Tip time. Captain Lee thought it was a good charter, and a good job, but they only got $15K. The captain tells Bruno that’s the same look he had. They seem to be stuck at $15K, and he’s not impressed. He says if there’s one mediocre (the word of the day) player, the whole team is mediocre. He wants to see the $25K tip. He tells them to hash it out constructively, and figure out what they’re doing wrong. In his interview, the captain says he’s at his wit’s end. One situation gets solved – the deck crew has turned around – but now Matt is playing it safe. He’s hoping to finish strong, but thinks it’s a distant hope. In her interview, Kate says people think Captain Lee doesn’t know what’s going on, but he does, and his tip meeting speech proves it. The galley is suffering.

Kate asks what everyone wants to see differently from the interior. Kyle says service sets the tone for the beginning of the day, and there was no service when the guests woke up. In her interview, Kate says he can’t be a close friend and have opinions on the boat. Jen can’t believe she trusted Kyle, and he ran his mouth to the person she least wants to hear it. Bri tells Matt to take as much risk as possible. Kate says it’s important that they deliver the best charter food ever. The crew cleans the boat.

Nico calls his mother. He says it hasn’t been easy. His family situation is rocky, since losing his best friend and little brother. It changed his perspective. The BS doesn’t matter; family does.

Kate asks Jen what Kyle was talking about, and she mumbles something about silverware still being in the dishwasher. In her interview, Kate says she knows Jen slept in and is lying to her, because she’s getting defensive. Nico texts his ex-girlfriend.

The captain has a preference sheet meeting with Kate, Matt, and Nico. The primary is Timothy Sykes. Kate calls him a character, and I remember this guy. We flash back to him making a big production about taking money out of the tip in front of everyone because of some stupid infraction. Nico says he sounds like d-bag. He’s celebrating the ten-year anniversary of his teaching company, and bringing his top three employees to reward them for their dedication. Captain Lee tells them the more extravagant, the better. They want fireworks on the beach, and a chef’s choice tasting menu. Kate says he’s particular, but let’s you know what he wants, or what I call an a-hole. She says if you deliver what he asks for, he’s happy. In her interview, she doesn’t want to tell Matt how particular he is, because it will freak him out even more. Although he probably won’t nail it either way. The captain says whatever it takes, get it done.

Kate wants to get off the boat, but doesn’t want to waste time. She’s going to take the wheels, and ride this charter home to good food town. She and Matt decide to discuss it over dinner. She wants to be prepared, but needs to get out.

The crew heads out to a restaurant, with Matt and Kate going somewhere quieter. Kate tells him that this guy must have grown up watching Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, because he wants champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

Bri is curious about what everyone going to do after the season, inferring that she and Nico know what they’re doing. Bruno is getting his visa and seeing some of the US, and Baker is going home, and then on to Bali. Kate continues to give Matt information as he takes notes. The crew has dinner, and Jen puts her fork into Kyle’s gravy to taste it. He says he doesn’t want to eat now, and leaves the table for a smoke. The rest of them explain to Jen that he’s big on table manners. Bruno says he doesn’t like people touching his food. In his interview, Kyle says anyone who effs with his food is dead to him. Wow. Nico tells Jen that he’s food germy. He’s not uptight at all, but strange about his food; it’s his thing. Jen says all she did was put her fork in it; she hadn’t licked it. In her interview, Jen says she was a fool to think she was going to have a great night. She’s the bad guy again. Baker tells Kyle to just say he’s not hungry, and not to blame her; she’s cray. In her interview, she says she’s just trying to keep the peace. Kate finishes going over things with Matt, and thinks it was a great meeting of the minds.

Jen says it doesn’t hurt to get rejected, but Kyle was the one person who distracted her from the bullies. Kate tells Matt it was the most productive meeting of the charter season. They go back to the boat, while the others go on to a bar and have shots, with Kyle being double-fisted. Bri and Nico go back to the boat. Jen is sick of everyone, and says they all hate her, so why be nice? She’s not going to pretend. On their way back to the boat, she wants to stop at a bathroom, but Baker encourages her to keep moving. She gets stupid, like she always does when she drinks, and Baker says she’s being an idiot. Jen calls Baker a whore, and wanders off. Kyle says she’s a moron.

Back on the boat, Jen barges into Nico and Bri’s room, rambling about what happened. Nico says he hears words, but they don’t make sense. Even the subtitles are nonsense. Kyle tells Baker to stick up for herself, and wants to know where Jen gets off calling someone a whore. Jen tells him to butt out; it’s between her and Baker. Baker thinks it’s funny, but Bruno tries to intervene. Jen gets about an inch from his face, and screams at him. He tells her that he’ll lock her in the bathroom if she doesn’t stop it. They’re at the top of some stairs, and he holds her back, but she starts kicking at him. This girl should not drink.

Next time, Kate doesn’t want to hear Jen’s voice, the guests want an alternative watercraft, Bruno gets hurt, and Kate gives Kyle a lecture.

🏡 I watched the premiere of Checked Inn, following If Loving You is Wrong, and it’s delightful. It’s a reality show about a bed and breakfast – The Mansion at Noble Lane in the Poconos – run by Monique Greenwood and her family. She’s looking to create generational wealth with the business, and wants to give guests a very personalized experience. In the first episode, one of the guests was Peabo Bryson and his wife, looking for some quiet, private time. I’ve loved Peabo ever since he sang the theme song for One Life to Live. Although he said he’d be cool, before they left, Monique’s husband just had to ask Peabo to sign one of his albums. It was very enjoyable, and totally positive. A rarity in the world of reality TV.

🍷 Next Monday, Bravo will be airing a Vanderpump Rules How They Got Here special at 9 pm.

🍗 Getting Close…

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving2

Apr18

April 17, 2017 – A Painting Vanishes, an Auction is Silent, a Reunion Ends & Tubbers is Celebrated

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Alexis tells Sam that she thought she was losing her mind, but she wasn’t. Sam wonders why Julian doesn’t just come forward, and Jason says he’s facing criminal charges. Jason is going to hunt him down.

Dillon takes pictures of the happy couple at the engagement party. Ned and Olivia kiss.

Tracy has put the covered painting on an easel in the den. Monica says she’ll have it removed later. Laura pops in, thanking Monica for the invitation. She wonders if they could mix hospital business with pleasure. Larry sees the mysterious masterpiece. He calls it their acquisition, because without him, Tracy wouldn’t have known about it. He thinks he should get 50% of the value, but Tracy says it was left to her by her father, and has nothing to do with him. He asks about a finder’s fee, and she says he’s drinking it.

Carly tells Sonny to leave or she’s calling the police. He says from what Michael said, Jax might be uncomfortable with that. Jax says he’s not proud of what he did, but doesn’t regret it. Carly says that Sonny would have done the same thing. Sonny says he would, but it’s what came after that’s the problem. Jax left them like sitting ducks for Nelle. Let’s just say it right now – isn’t that what Sonny did? Carly says that Jax had no reason to think Nelle had an ulterior motive, but Sonny did. Sonny says it was hard enough thinking he was responsible for Morgan’s death, but Jax could have avoided the outcome with Nelle. Carly says he’s blaming Jax. Jax made a mistake and should have told her, but the rest is on Sonny, and he’s blaming someone else. She tells Sonny he has to live with it. Dante knocks on the door looking for Sonny. Carly tells Sonny to do everyone a favor and leave with him.

Dante says he was hoping Michael was wrong about Sonny being there. Sonny talks smack about Jax. Jax tells Dante about buying the kidney, saying that he didn’t know Frank would hit up his own daughter for it, but even if he had known, he would have gone through with it. He would have done anything to save Josslyn. Sonny says he was going to use it as leverage, but since Dante is there, it’s time for Jax to pay up, and he’s recorded it. Dante wishes he could ignore it, but he can’t.

Ned thanks Tracy and Monica for the party. Olivia has brought bruschetta. Tracy is like, you brought food to a Quartermaine party? She says Cook will be insulted, thinking hers isn’t good enough. Larry says he’ll present it to Cook. Tracy says good luck, and Monica says they’re a special couple.

Tracy wants to unveil the painting. Monica balks, and Tracy says it could be a Picasso or Manet for all she knows. Monica asks if it is, and Tracy says no, but it’s a precious family heirloom. A smoke alarm goes off. Yeah, I see where this is headed.

Sam is concerned about Alexis being by herself. She says she’s seen Julian break Alexis. Alexis says Julian is her father, but Sam says not to use her for an excuse. Alexis says if Julian was going to hurt her, he would have done it. Jason wants to call Sonny, but Alexis says she’ll take care of it. Sam asks what If he shows up, and Alexis says she’ll cross bridge when she comes to it. Jason tells Sam he has an idea.

Julian hangs out at the docks looking stupid in a hoodie. One obviously not purchased from Zumiez.

The fire alarm continues, and Tracy says it’s Olivia’s fault. Cook probably set a fire in protest. They all leave to check things out, since no one smells smoke. Jason and Sam walk into the house, and the alarm stops. Sam says they need to see Dillon. Jason shows him the picture from the park, and Sam says it’s Julian, alive and well.

Julian looks at the picture he swiped from the album – he and Alexis in a red carpet moment. He flashes back to when they last got married.

Sonny asks Michael if he sent Dante over. Michael says that he didn’t want Sonny to do anything he’d regret. Sonny says they’re all adults who have to live with the consequences of their actions, even Jax. Michael asks what he did.

Dante says as much as he agrees with Jax’s motives, he has to arrest him. Josslyn walks in, and asks what Dante is doing to her father.

Sonny tells Michael that he confronted Jax. He admits he would have done the same thing in Jax’s place, but the difference is, he would have said something. Instead, Jax went back to Australia. No comment. Michael says that Jax didn’t perceive her as a threat. Sonny tells him not to make excuses. He tells Michael about getting the recording and giving it to Dante. Michael asks if he’s out of his mind.

Carly tells Josslyn that her dad is going to be fine. Dante says he won’t cuff him, but he has to come in. Josslyn asks if he’s under arrest, and Dante lets Jax talk to her. Jax tells her that he’s the one who arranged for her to get Nelle’s kidney. They weren’t sure if she was going to make it, so he did something illegal. He offered Nelle’s father money to help find a donor, and it’s his fault she came to town looking for revenge. Josslyn says because of him, she’s alive.

Julian meets a guy with tattoos on the docks who says it’s all arranged.

Dillon brings down his laptop and they look at photos from the park. They see another one where Julian is giving an envelope to a guy. Sam says the tattoo seems familiar, and remembers Hooper who has boats for hire, usually for illegal purposes.

Alexis wanders around the docks because that’s the place to be in Port Charles. She flashes back to the aftermath of the wedding, and Julian saying he loves her.

Dante says they have to go. Jax tells Josslyn it will be fine. He says he broke the law and told himself if it ever came out, he wouldn’t run. He tells Carly he’s sorry. She tells him he has nothing to apologize for, and thanks him for saving Josslyn’s life. Josslyn tells Dante that he knows it’s not right. Carly says she knows Josslyn is hurting, but her father has to go with Dante. Jax tells her not to be scared. He leaves with Dante.

Sonny tells Michael that he doubts it will go to trial. If Jax spends two days in jail, he’ll be surprised. Michael asks what if he’s wrong. and he send Josslyn’s father to prison for saving her life? I see we now have idiot Sonny totally back again.

Dillon gives Jason a printout the picture. He tells Kiki it’s just another night in Port Charles. Not yet if they haven’t been to the docks. He asks if she wants a drink, and she says she’d like several. Larry asks where everyone has been. Tracy explains about the fire alarm, but he says he was out walking the grounds and didn’t hear it. Ned asks about Cook, and Larry says she wants Olivia’s recipe. Monica toasts to Olivia joining the family. She says Olivia is going to breathe new life into the house, and make it into a home again. Tracy is snarky, and Monica says she got the same treatment. Tracy says to be fair, Monica did sleep with her husband’s nephew. Everyone is like, eww! and Monica asks if they can focus on the here and now. She asks if Ned and Olivia would like the west wing. If not, Tracy can move out of the east wing. Tracy protests, and Monica reminds her that the deed is in her name. Tracy says there’s something she’d like to do with the deed, and Monica suggests it’s the same thing she wants to do with the easel.

Alexis lingers at the docks. She remembers Julian holding a knife to her throat. Julian appears. For real.  I think.

Josslyn asks Carly what’s going to happen, and Carly explains. She says that Jax’s lawyer will make arrangements for bail. Josslyn asks why Dante was there, and Carly says Michael called him, but it’s complicated. She says she and Sonny have been fighting, and sometimes when Sonny gets angry, he doesn’t make the best decisions. She’s sorry she let everything get out of control, but Josslyn says not to apologize for Sonny. She hopes Carly sees the truth and never goes back to him.

Michael thought Dante could get through to Sonny, but didn’t think Sonny would have Jax arrested. He says he doesn’t care what Jax did, Sonny should have covered for him. He reminds Sonny about all the times Carly covered for him, and he committed crimes; he didn’t save a life. He chose the wrong way to hurt them. He tells Sonny that he’d better pray he can clean it up, because if Jax goes to prison, no one is going to forgive him. The cheese Sonny stands alone yet again.

Jax is sorry that Dante got dragged in. Dante wonders where the justice is. Jax crossed the line to save his daughter’s life, and he understands, but the line exists for a reason. Jax realizes that if it didn’t, the poor people would be at a disadvantage. He says that those are the questions he asks himself. Did his actions keep another child from being saved? Probably not. I doubt Frank would have just decided to sell Nelle’s kidney all on his own.

Tracy asks what the painting has done to Monica, and Monica says it’s the owner. Ned and Dillon think it has something to do with Luke. Monica says the only time Tracy was really happy was with him. Tracy points out that Laura is sitting there, but Laura says she and Luke are ancient history. Tracy suggests changing the subject, and says she’s happy for Ned and Olivia. Her son is happy, and it’s all a parent wants for their children. She thanks Olivia. Olivia says she’s honored to be joining the family, and Tracy says, perfect segue.

Tracy tells everyone that she took a journey with a dear friend and found a treasure – a letter from her father that spoke of his love for her. Monica says it must have meant a lot. Tracy tells her that it did, and he left her something else as a tangible expression of his devotion to her. He wanted her to have a portrait, passed down through ages, that bears an uncanny resemblance to her. She lifts the cover off of the portrait, and in its place is a clown painting on velvet. Like we didn’t see that coming.

Sam and Jason go to the docks. Jason says there’s no sign of anything, and Sam suggests that Julian is halfway to Canada by now. She sees Alexis’s scarf on the ground and picks it up.

Tomorrow, Larry has the painting (no surprise), the crying girl from the monastery is looking for Tracy, and Julian and Alexis get busy.

Southern Charm

I might not like Cameran (our narrator) all that much, but I sure do like her gigantic earrings.

At the Ravenel Construction Group, we see Thomas actually doing some work. Cameran is at the gym with Chelsea. She says that she lives off of gas station food, and wants to take charge of her health. She tells Chelsea that she heard she and Shep had an overnight. Chelsea says they didn’t get nakey, but Cameran has hope. She tells Chelsea to make him work for it, and Chelsea says right now, things are just PG.

Landon (blech!) meets Craig for lunch. Craig is doing media inserts for a charity that his girlfriend got him involved with. His goal is to be a philanthropist and not have to work anymore. Good luck with that. Or as they say in the South, bless your heart. Naomie calls, and asks if he’s finished everything. She’s picking up donations, and headed to Shep’s place. Craig tells Landon that Shep is going out of town for a wedding, and can’t make it to the upcoming polo match.

Shep gives Naomie his donation. The fundraiser is for the people of Haiti, and Shep wonders if Craig even knows where that is.

He knows where the good shrimp are though. His lunch looks fantastic.

Naomie asks Shep what happened at Landon’s website launch. He says he hoped he gave her constructive criticism. Naomie asks if he made her cry. Shep tells her that sometimes Landon gets ahead of herself and needs to be knocked down a peg. I thought he was very diplomatic and gave her good advice.

Craig tells Landon it wasn’t Shep’s place to tell her that stuff, and Landon thinks he was being a bully. Craig says when Shep lectured him, he felt like he was on the playground in sixth grade. He was definitely harsher with Craig, but even though I didn’t entirely agree with what he said, I thought it was out of concern.

Naomie says part of her is like, f-u to Shep, but in his interview, Shep says friendship means sometimes telling someone what they don’t want to hear. Probably the other part of Naomie knows that’s true. Shep asks what he should do, just let his friends get more delusional?

Whitney exercises pug Chauncey, while Patricia packs a suitcase without Michael, who’s on vacation. She says you can never be undereducated or underdressed according to Oscar Wilde. Whitney tells her that he’ll hold down the fort. He tells Patricia that Chauncey needs Jenny Craig, and she wonders if she should invent Spanx for dogs.

Kathryn has an appointment with a modeling scout. She’s modeled in the past, and wants to get back in the game. The scout asks for pictures, but Kathryn says she needs to update her portfolio. Using her tablet, she shows the scout a bunch of photos from back in the day. She says Kathryn is older now, and will be in a different bracket. She needs new photos, and the scout encourages her to get in the best shape that she can. She also suggests Kathryn doing a shoot with her children, because agencies are looking for the family thing. In her interview, Kathryn says this is the ultimate punch in the gut, since she can’t even see the kids right now.

Thomas practices saluting Landon in the mirror. In his interview, he says had he pursued someone more mature than Kathryn, his life might be different. He hopes it isn’t too late. Landon arrives, and Thomas makes drinks. Landon says she hasn’t been at his house since the night he kicked them all out. We flash back to that. Best. Night. Ever. Thomas suggests sitting on the porch.

Landon says it was good to hear from him. Thomas tells her that he wants to do an event at the plantation, and he’d like her input. He also wants to catch up. She says with the rumor mill churning, she didn’t even want to be around him in public. She thinks the dust has settled now, and they can be friends and do things together again. In her interview, she says the only thing she’s after is companionship. She asks about Kathryn, and Thomas says she passed her drug test so she can have supervised visits. He says what he does with his personal life is none of her business. In his interview, he says he’d like to have a stepmother for his children. He tells Landon that he’s looking for a woman with a pleasant personality, and says she has no problem in that department. She laughs like a hyena. Thomas clearly has a different definition of pleasant than I do.

Naomie tells Craig that he’d do better in life if he got things done ahead of time. He tells her that he works better under stress – a favorite excuse of procrastinators – and not to take it personally. In his interview, he says he’s able to reason worry out of his brain, so he doesn’t get stressed. Oh brother. Although he’ll probably live longer than most of us. In the car, Naomie tells him about her conversation with Shep, and that she felt they behaved like adults, and understood where the other one was coming from. Craig says Shep is manipulative, like an abusive husband. He doesn’t think Shep making Landon cry was acceptable either. He says Shep is out of control. Huh?

The guys meet at a bar. They run into Thomas’s neighbor, who Shep has also hooked up with. Thomas says there’s a lot of cross-pollination in Charleston. She and Thomas are also cousins. And Thomas is also related to Shep. Now it’s getting creepy. Shep apologizes for not being able to make the polo match. He asks who’s planning it, and Thomas tells him Landon is, since she’s good at planning parties. Thomas thinks Shep is in love with her, and Shep nearly chokes. He says he’s forgotten more than Thomas has gotten, and is definitely not looking for a relationship.

They move on to another bar, where a female patron is having her 21st birthday party. Shep and Austen chat with her. Both Daisy and Whitney show up, and another girl named Bree, who just broke up with her boyfriend. In his interview, Austen says that he’s open to finding the right girl, but Shep, not so much. Bree takes Daisy to find some “real men” at the bar. I’m not sure what she means, but she’s flirting with Thomas. Did she mean old guys? From a distance, it looks like Thomas blows her off, and Whitney is like, wise choice.

Naomie and Craig get last minute preparations together for the fundraiser. Craig unrolls the background for the entrance. Naomie is in a really cute bathrobe with animal ears on the hood. Craig is digging around for a laptop mouse, and Naomi has to jet. Hey, there’s the cat. Maybe he can help Craig find the mouse. I had to.

Cameran, in another pair of incredible, HUGE earrings, visits Whitney. Whitney tries to get the dogs under control, and in her interview, she says when Michael is away, everyone has to fend for themselves, and it’s crazy. She tells Whitney that he’s like Kevin from Home Alone. Thomas calls. Whitney asks what was up with Daisy. Thomas says he doesn’t know, but he has to find a real woman. Cameran and Whitney agree. Cameran asks if he’s coming to Naomie’s fundraiser, but he doesn’t want any clashes with Kathryn. Whitney hangs up, and Cameran says Thomas has seen the light, and is on an upward projectory. I’m not even sure that’s a word.

Whatever Craig needs to print isn’t happening, and it’s 45 minutes until the fundraiser. It’s something for the silent auction, and Naomie is getting pretty nervous. Craig works on his hairdo, and talks to the cat.

Craig gets to the bar, and tells Naomie everything is fine. She looks through the bags, and says they’re missing some sheets, and she wants him to get them printed now. He complains that he’s the one getting screwed, and Naomie tells him he’s screwing himself, and not to blame other people. Yep. She looks at him like a fixer-upper, and that’s never a good idea.

Naomie has to hand write some things, which annoys her. In her interview, she says they have different planning styles. That’s one way to put it. She says everything always works out because there’s always someone to pick up the slack. She tells Craig that they’re cool.

Naomi’s parents are French, so the three of them throw shade at Craig in their native language. Her mother tells her all men are the same. Ha-ha! Everyone is drinking and having a good time. Landon’s friend tells her that she’s glad Shep isn’t there, since he made Landon cry. Landon says she doesn’t think he even has a real job. This is so stupid. It’s not even like she did cry over it. She didn’t listen to one thing he said, got mad, and stormed out. Everyone must tiptoe around this girl.

Whitney tells Cameran that Shep and Chelsea hooked up, claiming that Shep told him. Cameran isn’t too sure if Whitney is telling her the truth, since he’s a sick freak. She tells Chelsea what Whitney said, and Chelsea says Cameran knows she’d tell her. Whitney calls Shep, who denies saying anything of the sort. Whitney tells Cameran she looks hammered. Cameran thinks it’s time to go home.

Naomie talks to a friend of Craig’s from school who’s practicing law now. He says from the internet, it looks like Craig is a great gardener. Craig joins them, and says he thinks they went past their goal. He and Naomie love each other again.

Chelsea talks to Austen about his love life. She asks what he’s looking for in a woman, and he flirts, describing her. He asks for her number.

Next time, the polo match happens, Chelsea goes out with Austen, and Thomas won’t let Kathryn see the kids.

Vanderpump Rules – Reunion Part Three

Andy grills Stassi about her dating life, and she says she feels like a loser. Andy thought things with Peter might get rekindled after their kiss. They talk about the bachelor/ bachelorette weekend in NOLA. Katie says she’d wanted harmony, but was under too much stress. Schwartz says the angst about Tom and Ariana was a surface trigger. Tom says blah-blah-blah, and Katie says the only one she’d take relationship advice from in this room is Lisa. Good choice.

We revisit Jax’s apology to Stassi. Stassi says it wasn’t so much the cheating, but how it trickled down to other things. She was thrilled to hear him finally own it. Andy asks Brittany how she felt, and she says it was hard for her to watch, when she wants the same thing from him. Jax says he’s a better person since he met Brittany. Once again, the shoemaker’s kids go barefoot.

Andy asks Schwartz if there was any moment when he wasn’t drinking during the bachelor/bachelorette weekend. Schwartz says he was browned out for 80% of the trip. Jax says he never saw Schwartz so upset, and was afraid Schwartz was going to hurt himself. James points out that this is coming from Jax. We see Schwartz getting emo during the gator watching trip. Ariana says it’s the last thing she expected. Jax is called out for trying to get Schwartz to postpone the wedding. Tom gets all loud, talking about how Katie was running the show all summer, and the girls were all bowing down to her. Somehow this leads to a discussion about who looked the best in drag.

Andy points out how Kristen chose that moment to sit Schwartz down for a talk about the Vegas girl from the past. Kristen says if it hadn’t been for her, they might never have addressed the issue, and I have to agree that she has a point. It really made all the difference, and totally turned everything around. Kristen and Tom get into a heated exchange. Tom talks about how Kristen cornered Schwartz. Stassi talks about waking up to two guys in drag arguing about looking like Sia. Andy talks about the roller-coaster ride of emotion that Schwartz went through, and we see the clip of Tom calling him a battered wife. Andy asks if it ruined his bachelor party, Schwartz says you’d think it would have, and I laugh.

Kristen says no one understood how Katie felt, and Katie concurs that it was devastating. Katie says it was up to her to put the pieces back together along with Schwartz. Schwartz says that he inherited a lot of baggage as well. Lisa thinks it was ridiculous how Jax tried to convince everyone that Schwartz had slept with the past Vegas girl, even though they weren’t there. Schwartz says he didn’t remember, but doubts anything could have happened. Katie says she can move past it, but it took a long time to repair the trust. She pushed a lot of feelings aside that were still there.

Lisa says she had no idea how bad it was until she saw the show, although she knew things weren’t going well. She says she was right in originally turning them down to officiate. It was difficult because she loves them, but she couldn’t give a potential disaster her blessing. We flash back to the arguments between Katie and Schwartz in Vegas. Lisa says they’d lost respect for each other, and she wanted them to understand the seriousness of the commitment. Katie says they didn’t know how to get it back, and Andy says it was amazing to watch the turnaround. Ariana proclaims that they were meant to be together, and she knew it was going to happen. Schwartz says they’re the only original couple left. Andy wonders who’s next to get married.

We discuss the wedding weekend — $51,000 later. Lisa says it wasn’t the way she rolls, but nothing about it was conventional, and it was who they are. We flash back to Schwartz’s surprise of his triplet brothers arriving. He says it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for him, and he was really surprised. It meant a lot to his brothers too.

Andy points out that Katie kept her cool when her dress wasn’t quite fitting, and Katie says it was the only time she second-guessed the Taco Tuesday themed rehearsal dinner. Andy asks if she’s happy to be Mrs. Bubba Schwartz, and she corrects him that it’s Mrs. Bubba Maloney-Schwartz. Andy asks Lisa what was most emotional for her. She says Schwartz’s vows, and we flash back to that. Schwartz says he wrote the vows while the groomsmen were putting their suits on. We flash back to Tom using the dog as a hanky during the ceremony. Andy points out that even Jax got choked up, and Jax says how could you not? Well, I didn’t.

Tom and Ariana’s relationship is discussed. Ariana says he has all the feels, but she tends to retreat when he gets marriage-minded. Schwartz says it was one of the happiest days of his life, and he was happy to share it with everyone.

We move on to James’s DJ career. Andy reads a list of James’s woes, and we flash back to them. Jax was happy to get James thrown out of his gig. Kristen talks smack about James, and he tells her to shut up, telling her she’s irrelevant. She points out that he had a vodka/soda at lunch and he admits he did, but only one. Moving on.

Andy says Shay is going to join them, and Scheana gets a little weird about that. She says the break-up was for the best, but she doesn’t want to see him. During the break, Stassi tells Scheana that they have her back. Five…four…three…

Shay says he’s nervous. He’s living with his parents now, and we flash back to the wedding. He and Scheana haven’t seen each other in four months, and are still waiting for the divorce to be finalized. Andy asks if Scheana was consciously hiding their problems, and she says it was Katie’s wedding, and she didn’t want to bring her business into it. She starts to cry. She accuses Shay of lying to her about buying drugs. He denies it, and Scheana talks about him withdrawing money out of their account. He claims it was for the business, and says she always held the money over his head, since it was mostly hers.

Andy asks what happened when Shay decided not to come home the first time, and why he didn’t communicate. Shay says that Scheana doesn’t listen. Lisa says that even though she didn’t understand it, Scheana worshipped him, and her world revolved around him. Kristen says she saw Scheana trying hard, but it seemed like Shay had given up. Shay says he’d always been working toward something, and his band is going on tour with Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Jax says they’re both good people, but it just didn’t work. Shay looks all wistful. Ariana says she feels like she’s never really heard from him; he just ghosts. She doesn’t hear from him now either. He just gets all teary and looks at the ceiling.

Shay says they grew apart. He quit drinking for a year, but was expected to still go out. Scheana says he said it was fine, and he says later on it got difficult. Andy asks when things went south, and Scheana says that three months in, she found out about the pills. She says she also caught him texting another girl. Tom asks Shay why, and Shay says maybe it was more than friendship, but he found a connection that he didn’t have with Scheana. Both Scheana and Shay say they’re uncomfortable.

Andy asks if there was more than sexting going on, and Scheana says it turned into other issues like a lack of communication. Shay talks about her running to Lisa on camera about his addiction, and not talking to him first. Scheana says he hurt her, and she hurt him back. Shay says he wouldn’t have brought up his addiction issues on the show, and he was forced to tell everyone. He says he’s been labeled now. Scheana says she’s a “home-wrecking whore,” and that you get labeled, and that’s how it is. She’s right. This is what they signed up for. When Scheana talked to Lisa, it was obviously a difficult, spontaneous moment. Scheana says she wouldn’t have divorced him, and stayed in a marriage that wasn’t great. Shay says he went along with everything and wanted to keep trying, but she divorced him on camera. Scheana says that she found out he was buying pills and lying to her again, and she was done.

Evil Andy asks if Scheana having a new boyfriend bothers Shay. Shay thinks it’s quick, but Scheana says he knows him from Instagram, and she’s been friends with him for over ten years. We see pictures. He’s pretty cute, and looks like a grown-up. Andy asks if Shay is seeing anyone, and he says he’s still technically married. Scheana says it’s just a piece of paper at this point. Shay says he’ll always love her and be there for her, but he’s over their relationship. Coming there was something he had to do. It was harder than he thought, but he’s glad he did it. Andy asks if Scheana gets closure from Shay saying he loves her and will be there for her. She says she thinks he’s in his happy place, and she’s in her happy place, so she’s happy for him, but nobody looks very happy. Andy says he hopes they have some peace. Schwartz says that the both of them are happier apart than they would have been together. They say good-by, and wish each other good luck. Shay leaves the magic circle.

In our final moments, Andy commends James on his 18-hour day, sitting next to Jax. That is way too long. I’d read that the Housewives reunions are 12-hours, and I think that’s too much. He asks Lisa about opening the new bar, and asking Tom to be a part of it. Tom says he gets emotional thinking about it, and will someone stop this guy from crying already? We flash back to Schwartz wanting to duck and run when Lisa suggested including him. Schwartz says he didn’t want to tarnish Lisa’s name, and Katie says he doesn’t know his potential. Andy says if they don’t get their act together, it will end up Lala’s Lounge instead of Tom-Tom. Andy shows a clip of Lisa and Stassi booty-bumping at the wedding.

We end with Ken, puppies, Peter, and cocktails. Giggy! Harrison! Schnookie! Peter with Pumptinis! Lisa toasts to everyone, and says she loves them, even though she doesn’t always show it.

🎂 I would love to see French bulldog Tubbers from Sweet Home Oklahoma get his own show. Pumps came to Tubbers’ birthday party dressed like a roaring 20s flapper, because she’d been told it was a costume party. She was the only one who was told that. My karaoke group once had a pajama night, and I was afraid I might be the only one who showed up in them. I wasn’t. The party for Tubbers was a surprise party, although it was hard to say whether he was actually surprised. This show reminds me of Don’t Be Tardy. It’s a lot of fun and not mean-spirited at all. You can’t help but smile while watching it.

🐮 An extra observation. After successfully pulling off this prank, Jennifer said, “If you mess with the bull, you’ll get the horns.” This is the second time I’ve heard that in as many weeks. Shep said it on Southern Charm last week. Is this a thing now?

 

Apr11

April 10, 2017 – Jake Adds to the Timeline, Landon Follows Through, the SUR Reunion Continues & Some Random TV Thoughts

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Alexis comes home asking if anybody’s there, and then wonders why she said that, since she’s the only one living there. There’s a knock at the door. It’s the PCPD, particularly Nathan. Alexis invites him in. She asks if it’s about Julian.

Sam is trying to find out who used Julian’s credit card. The doorbell rings, waking Scout. It’s Elizabeth. Because in Port Charles, no one ever calls first. She wants to talk to Jason about Jake.

Franco asks Jake why he’s not at home. He tells Franco that nobody knows he’s gone; the babysitter was busy texting, and the other kids were asleep. Franco says that Jake’s mother is going to flip out. Jake wants to know why Franco doesn’t want to be his friend anymore.

Kristina runs into Michael at Perks. She can’t believe it’s been a year since she lived in PC. Neither can I – it’s like she never left. She asks what’s up, and he says while she was studying, their family imploded – again.

Sonny says Nelle made him think that Jax slept with Carly, then he was drinking and blacked out. Nelle tells him that she drugged him.

Jax asks Carly what they’re doing, and she says trying to feel better. He said they made this mistake last time, but she says it’s not a mistake and she doesn’t want to stop. She leads him to the bedroom.

Alexis asks Nathan if Julian washed up on shore. He says it’s nothing definitive, but someone used Julian’s credit card to buy a bus ticket to LA. Alexis says she doesn’t know anything about his credit cards, since they always kept those things separate. Nathan asks if she has any reason to believe he’s alive.

Elizabeth tells Jason that Jake is fine. She just wanted to tell him about a follow-up session that she scheduled. She says she’s been thinking about how Andre said they need to be on the same page for Jake to open up. Sam asks if there’s anything she can do to help, since Jake is her stepson. Elizabeth says her involvement might be confusing to Jake. He adores Franco, but Franco isn’t allowed to be part of the equation. Why is Sam?

Franco tells Jake that he’ll always be his friend. Jake asks why he stopped coming by, and if he’s mad at Elizabeth. Franco says he doesn’t want Jake to get in trouble for sneaking out, and has to take him home before Elizabeth finds out and has a meltdown. Jake says the studio is cool and he never wants to leave.

Michael tells Kristina that someone came between Carly and Sonny. Kristina thinks it’s Jax, but Michael says no. He tells her that Carly isn’t the one who cheated. He explains how Sonny got drunk on Thanksgiving and slept with Nelle. Kristina is shocked. Michael says there were extenuating circumstances, but Kristina is having a hard time believing it. Michael says it was terrible, but Nelle was hurting too. Kristina asks why he’s defending her.

Sonny is stunned. Nelle says he assumed the worst, and she didn’t disagree. When she made his drink, she slipped a sleeping pill in. He passed out cold upstairs, and she got in the bed with him. She says she pretended to be upset afterward. He says he underestimated her. He thought she was only making something bad even worse by taking advantage of him, but she went beyond that, making him feel guilty for what he didn’t do. She tore everything apart over a lie. He says there’s something wrong with her. Well, yeah, I thought all that was explained already.

Jax and Carly kiss their way into the bedroom. There’s a song part and they get busy. I get busy too, doing some quick chores.

Alexis thinks someone must have stolen Julian’s wallet. He wouldn’t travel by bus or even fly coach. Nathan asks if he would temporarily lower his standards. Alexis says she thinks he had money stashed away, and wouldn’t use a credit card if he was on the run. She tells Nathan that she’s tired, and they agree to let each other know if there’s anything new. Nice earrings, Alexis! As soon as Nathan is gone, Alexis grabs her coat and leaves.

Jason tells Elizabeth that there’s a massive difference between Sam and Franco. Elizabeth agrees, saying that Franco did a lot of art therapy with Jake, and if he’s going to open up to anyone, it’s Franco. Franco calls and tells them about Jake showing up. Jason says he’ll be right there. Elizabeth wonders how Jake got there. She says she doesn’t want Jason getting into it with Franco, and says she’ll drive. Jason promises Sam that he’ll control himself.

Michael tells Kristina that he’s not making excuses for Nelle. He says she took advantage of them at their most vulnerable. He tells Kristina about Nelle’s new job with Valentin, but says what matters is their parents. Kristina doesn’t think Carly should be so judgey, but Michael says that Sonny is just as bad. He thinks Sonny can fix it if he’ll wait. Kristina says the only way that’s going to happen is if he talks Sonny into it. Michael doesn’t want to play referee, but she says as the big brother, he has to step in.

Um…too late. Carly and Jax bask in the afterglow. Jax asks if it was wrong or very right, and Carly kisses him.

Nelle tells Sonny that there’s nothing left to say except that she was so wrong. She can’t change things. Sonny says she kept building on the lie and milking it, while he and Carly grieved and tried to hang on to what was left with their marriage. He goes over everything that Nelle did. He asks why the confession now; she’s in the wrong place for absolution. She asks why it matters then. He asks what’s in it for her, and she says that she doesn’t want it weighing on her. He says that after everything she did, she wants him to believe it was just guilty conscience? He doesn’t buy it. Michael walks in and asks what he doesn’t buy.

Carly tells Jax why complicate things? He thinks some context might be appropriate. She says they needed it. He says she always has a purpose, and she says it felt good to laugh again. He says they have nothing to do for a few hours, so…

Alexis goes to Sam’s place. She tells Sam about Nathan’s visit, and asks if that’s why Sam wanted her to stay at the spa. Sam says she didn’t want to worry Alexis, but Alexis says Sam can’t protect her from the world. Sam tells her that Curtis is working on it, but so far came up empty handed. Alexis asks what Sam isn’t telling her.

Jake is doing some painting, and Franco instructs him to attack the canvas. Jake says, go big or go home. Franco says they’re buddies, but he can talk to Andre – he’s one of the good guys. Jake says, but Franco gets it. He tells Franco about the action figures, and how he picked the scarecrow. He says it’s just a game though, and not as good as the stories with Franco. Elizabeth and Jason show up. Jake says he thought he could trust Franco, but he’s just like the rest of them.

Elizabeth says Franco is right, and the babysitter is very upset because she feels like she did something wrong. Jason says he’s too young to be out alone. Franco tells Jake that Jason is right and his parents call the shots. Jason wants to speak with Franco alone. Franco tells him to take his best shot. Jason says that’s what Franco wants.

Sam tells Alexis about the screen grab. Alexis thinks she knows who made the call. Sam shows her the picture.

Jax wonders what they should call it, and Carly says a rewind. He asks for some wine, and she leaves to get it. He says no guilt, no regret, and she says none.

Michael says he was waiting for Nelle like she had asked him to. She says she shouldn’t have come to Sonny’s house and shouldn’t have come to Port Charles. Sonny says she doesn’t want to be there when he tells Michael what she told him. He tells Michael about Nelle drugging him, and explains what happened, saying that it was all a twisted lie. He wants to tell Carly immediately. He tells Michael to tell Nelle to go, and get out of their lives forever. He leaves.

Michael tells Nelle that Sonny believes her because it absolves him, but she could just be telling him what he wants to hear. He asks if she really slept with Sonny, or drugged him and lied about it. Nelle explains that she didn’t want to sleep with Sonny, and thought it would be more decent. Michael wonders how that word could come out of her mouth. What she did is not only illegal, but she knows who Sonny is and what he does to his enemies. He asks why she didn’t tell him the truth. She says she was going to, but owed it to Sonny first; hurting Michael and Josslyn wasn’t in her plan. He snarks that being collateral damage makes him feel special. Nelle says she was going to tell him everything. He says that she threw away her last chance. She says they can still be friends, but he tells her to leave now.

Sonny bangs on Carly’s door. She tells him it’s not a good time, but he walks in anyway. He says that he has to tell her something that will change everything

Jason says that Franco acted like a responsible adult just to score points with Elizabeth. Jason doesn’t want Jake there again, and Franco repeats that he didn’t invite Jake over. Because Jason is so dense, he says that Franco convinced Jake that he understands him. He says don’t come near his kid again. Franco says that he does understand Jake better than Jason, and its pissing Jason off. Elizabeth comes in and asks what’s going on.

Alexis tells Sam that if Julian is alive, why is he torturing her? Sam says that she shouldn’t have told her. Curtis calls. After speaking with him, Sam tells Alexis that they know who used Julian’s card.

Jason tells Elizabeth that they were just discussing Jake’s well-being, and that the studio is off limits. Elizabeth says if Jake wants to paint, they’ll do it at home. Franco wonders why Jake came and feels more comfortable with him, and Jason says he’s a good manipulator. Franco tells Elizabeth that Jake is a great kid and takes after his mom.  They leave, and Franco cleans up. He finds a roll of paper and unrolls it. It’s the timeline. He looks at the scarecrow. Now there’s a boy hiding behind a tree next to it. Franco says Jake left this for him.

Nathan and Kristina have coffee. He says he wants to talk about Julian. Kristina says he’s dead. Nathan says Julian’s body was never recovered, and stranger things have been known to happen. That’s for sure. You can be in the middle of an explosion in Port Charles and still be alive. You could be the guy holding the bomb. Nathan thinks Alexis is keeping something from him, and might be placing herself in danger.

Sam says that Curtis traced the charge to a kid who found the card, and he said he purchased a bus ticket with it. The story checks out, since he was a runaway who had the card on him. Alexis says that doesn’t prove if Julian is dead or alive. Sam asks what answer she was hoping for, but Alexis doesn’t know.

The hooded figure lurks outside of Alexis’s house and opens the door. He goes inside.

Nelle begs Michael to believe her. He made her think she could move forward, not live in the past, and stop the plan, but it was too late. She doesn’t expect forgiveness now, but hopes someday he can. She couldn’t take it if he hated her. He says he can’t fix her; it’s not his job. He closes the door, leaving her on the porch crying.

Carly tells Sonny that it has to wait, but Sonny says it means a whole new beginning, and to just listen. He never slept with Nelle.

Tomorrow, Curtis meets with Hayden, Kristina asks what Alexis is hiding, and Sonny says he and Carly can be together.

Southern Charm

Whitney drops in on Thomas. We flash back to the pool party, and Whitney calls Thomas the Hugh Hefner of Charleston. He thinks being away from Kathryn has mellowed Thomas. Whitney says he’s single and ready to mingle, as his long-distance relationship became too long of a distance.

Kathryn tells us that the past year has been the worst. We flash back to the reunion where it was revealed she didn’t pass a drug test. She’s disappointed in herself, and totally humiliated. Geez, it’s not like it was heroin, for God’s sake. She visits a friend whose name I missed, but she’s been on the show before, and tells her about going to rehab. She says Thomas has temporary full custody, and she and Thomas aren’t on speaking terms right now. She’s hoping for eventual joint custody, having passed another drug test. They talk about Jennifer. Kathryn is skeptical of her friendship, since she’s been friendly with Thomas.

On her way to visit Jennifer, Cameran talks to her mother on the phone. They discuss Jennifer’s new baby having surgery. In her interview, Cameran tells us how not interested she is in having her own baby. She says she’s living her truth and it’s an empty one. I believe she’s referring to an empty nest, but I wish she’d worded that differently. A childless life isn’t necessarily an empty one. And there are always dogs. She arrives at Jennifer’s, bearing a baby gift. They look at baby Ascher, who is with the nanny. The poor thing needed brain surgery the day he was born because of brain matter protruding from his skull, but he’s doing well. Jennifer has an entire closet full of baby clothes for the rest of the Ascher’s baby life. Cameran says he’s cute and cuddly, but she still can’t find any maternal instincts.

Jennifer talks about Thomas reaching out, and Cameran tells her how well he’s taking care of the kids. She asks if Jennifer has talked to Kathryn, but she says no. This is kind of a shame, since Jennifer had been very supportive of Kathryn last season. Jennifer claims she “loves to love people,” but I get the feeling that it’s more like she loves to be loved. That kind of person doesn’t always make for a loyal friend.

Shep meets with Craig at some batting cages. Craig says baseball was his life growing up, and he wanted to play in the major leagues. After he gets up to bat, I see why that idea fizzled. Shep tells him about talking to Naomie. He asks how long Craig has known he didn’t graduate from law school, but Craig says it’s been no secret. Shep wonders if Craig has a secret family somewhere, since he never seems to tell the truth, and they discuss him mailing the last test out. Craig wonders why Shep is obsessed with this, and Shep says he doesn’t think Craig wants to be a lawyer. Craig calls Shep a loser. In his interview, he says Shep is 36, and still going out every night. He wonders why he has to prove himself to his friends. Craig suggests they drop it. I’m with Craig on this. He’s 27, and if he wants to try different things, and as long as he’s not sitting around on his ass, who cares? He’s also a very nice and diplomatic guy. And it’s not like he’s asking to borrow money either.

Landon (ew!) works with her interns on her website. She says it’s finally starting to come together. She was humiliated after last year’s meeting with the internet dude. We flash back to him telling her all she had was a handful of papers. She needed to figure out how to take her idea to the technology world “which is so new to her.” I’m not even sure what to say about that. She wants to prove herself to her family. We flash back to her father telling her that she can’t live off of her dreams. She gets all teary, and says she’s putting herself out there. She doesn’t think she’ll get another chance, and if this doesn’t work, she’ll have to work for her dad in real estate. This woman is so ridiculous.

Cameran meets with Chelsea, and asks if she’s attending “Landon’s thing.” By the rest of the conversation, I assume Landon is having some kind of launch party. Cameran thinks Chelsea might be the one to change Shep into a one-woman man. She says that Chelsea is the female version of Shep, except she’s not a whore. Alrighty then.

Austen, Whitney and Shep go out for some food. Whitney welcomes Austen to the group. They talk about the pool party, and Shep shows interest in Chelsea. He says he, Chelsea and Cameran are going out in a couple of days, and he’s going to see if they really click. Whitney talks about Landon having a showing for her website, and that they’re supposed to critique it. They probably already know that anything less than a compliment will make her cry. Shep tells them about how Landon met with a group of internet developers, and she acted like a jerk. They were angry and appalled. In his interview, Shep says Landon wants to be the hipster queen of Charleston.

Naomie gets home, and Craig tells her about Landon’s test launch. Naomie is working on her masters, and says they’re on totally different schedules. She wonders what Craig actually does, and we see him giving cat Gizmo a ride in the wheelbarrow. Craig tells her about Shep’s ambush, saying it’s not like Shep has any kind of career path. Naomie says that their circumstances are different. In her interview, she says in her perfect world, Craig would pass the bar, they’d both get great jobs, make loads of money, and travel the world, but it takes work, and she’s not his babysitter. Uh-oh. It’s never good to look at a boyfriend like a fixer-upper. Craig says that Shep brought some of the others into it, and he doesn’t want to have to prove himself to anyone. He thinks it’s just going to be group settings for a while.

Landon is proud of herself. She wants to show her friends that she has a real job. Omg, she can’t even talk on the phone without saying “um” a thousand times. Everyone gets ready for the party. Thomas compliments his reflection in French. He thinks Landon is misread, and that she can really follow through. Enjoy being alone in that opinion.

The party is at a bar. Good move getting them drunk before they look at the website. Landon greets her friends. Drew is wearing a tuxedo, and shows off his cufflinks. Cameran arrives, and looks like she didn’t comb her hair for the occasion, so I’m confused about the dress code. Whitney brings a girl named Daisy, who looks like she’s dressed from a 1920s fashion catalog. Whoa. She’s very animated too.

Cameran tells Craig that she’s mad at him for telling Shep that they’re not real friends. He tells her what Shep said about them keeping him out of the loop. Craig says that Shep claimed that everyone is mad at him for not taking the bar, and that’s why he’s not in the group chat anymore. Shep told him that they make fun of him, and Cameran says they do make fun of his Instagram, showing us some examples in her interview. Craig says if they don’t want to be friends, fine.

Shep thinks he looks like a Creamsicle. Chelsea says they go well together. Everyone looks at the site. Apparently, Landon doesn’t write the content, so I’m not sure what it is she does do. Shep flirts with Naomie, annoying Craig. Thomas talks about pixilation like he knows what he’s talking about. Chelsea flirts with the other guys, and Cameran tells Shep he needs to lay claim. He’s like, free love, and makes a peace sign. Everyone congratulates Landon. They’re just happy that anything she’s attempted exists at all. Landon says she has a purpose now. Shep face palms in his interview. He takes Landon to the side, and asks her impressions of the developers who she talked to. He tells her that critiquing their software was a bad idea, and how she came off entitled. He tells her that first impressions last a long time. She complains that they talked down to her, and Shep tells her that entrepreneurs have to eat a lot of sh*t when they start out. She says when she’s not bitchy, she gets taken advantage of, and when she is, she’s a bitch. Shep tells her just say she’ll take it under advisement, and kill them with kindness. In her interview, she says that Shep has never had a job and rained on her parade. She tells one of her friends that Shep called her a bitch. Now she wants to go home. Don’t forget to take your dolls and jacks with you.

Chelsea meets Craig at his bar. In his interview, he says her being friends with Cameran changes the stakes of the game, but anything can happen. Cameran joins them, feeling like a third wheel. She points out the sparkle in Shep’s eye and he says it’s because he’s not hung over. The liquor comes, and he tells them that there are kids who aren’t drunk in China, so drink up.

They discuss Landon’s website. Shep talks about an app he’s investing in, but it’s not Landon’s. He tells them what the web guys had to say about Landon, and how she didn’t take it well when he told her. Cameran thinks she should give Shep and Chelsea some privacy, and Shep says what happens with Chelsea, stays with Chelsea.

Next time, Kathryn tries to get a modeling job, Chelsea and Shep spend the night together, and Naomie suggests Craig not be so last minute with everything.

Vanderpump Rules – The Reunion Part Two

Andy asks Lisa why she had such mixed emotions about firing James, when it didn’t take much to fire Kristen. Lisa says she did Kristen a favor when she fired her, but James had problems. She says he didn’t seem in control, but when she saw the footage, realized how provocative he’d been. Jax says he’s like a wind-up doll – give him alcohol and he goes. We flash back to some of that. James says he’s got triggers, man, he’s got triggers. It’s bizarre how these kids talk like beatniks and hippies from another time. Ariana says he and Jax are a lot alike. Andy asks Lisa why she told James to stay away from alcohol, like that’s not obvious. She says that when he drinks, he turns into a monster, and he’s young enough to get a grip.

Time to talk about Montauk. Andy is amused that the group had to google what a clambake was. Kristen informs us that the urban dictionary has a different definition involving weed. Andy asks about Scheana’s restrictive diet, and all the girls talk at once. Scheana feels that she gets picked on for being stringent with herself. Andy finally has to tell them to shut up.

Ariana’s birthday is discussed. Andy brings up how Jax was just out of surgery, and asks if he followed doctor’s orders during the NASCAR weekend. That would be a no regarding alcohol. They talk about how nasty it was, living in the RV together. Andy asks about Lala seeming to accept the groups’ olive branch, and then ghosting them at the last minute. Lala claims she was in panic attack mode, especially since Jax made her feel like she wasn’t wanted beforehand. She didn’t want to be cooped up in an RV with that. Tom says he made it clear that wouldn’t happen, and that it’s more like she didn’t feel like going. She says she wishes it was that simple, but he doesn’t believe her. He asks if her boyfriend was in town, and she says he lives in LA. Tom says that a friend outed her about being at the Beverly Hills Hotel that weekend.

Andy basically asks where Lala’s money comes from. She says her family has money, and her mother pays most of her bills. The Range Rover is brought up, because we can never, ever forget about that, and there’s a bunch of nonsense about the car. Andy asks if she was dating a married man.

Lala says no, and that no one will ever get the answer they’re looking for. He asks if she’s still dating the same person, and she won’t answer. Lisa says she deliberately creates intrigue. Stassi says if she wants respect, she has to give the same. Tom says that Stassi did the same thing in season three, but Stassi says that was Patrick’s choice. She says they put their lives out there, and Lala doesn’t have the right to lie. Lala says that Stassi knows nothing about her situation, and it’s nobody’s business. She tells Stassi to stop being a mean girl and gets nasty. Tom says he would love not to have his personal life on the show, or how about Tom and Katie? He tells Lala that it’s not fair. Stassi’s situation isn’t really comparable here. We knew about Patrick, he just didn’t want to be on the show. There are plenty of SOs we don’t see on reality shows.

Andy asks why Kristen thought James was the key to taking Lala down, and it’s universally agreed that James is easily manipulated. Andy asks why he agreed to meet with them, and he says they sucked him in with their lies. The girls are insistent that they weren’t lying; that this is what they heard. Andy asks about the NDA (non-disclosure agreement) from Lala. Lala explains why she would do something like that. Brittany calls it an NBA, and says she doesn’t even know what it is, so Andy has to explain. Lala says she had a bad experience, and wants to control what people post online about her. Tom suggests she not be around people she can’t trust.

They get off track, and Andy tries to corral the group. He asks Lala if the real reason was that her boyfriend didn’t want the relationship disclosed. She says she has NDAs to protect her life off of the show. Andy is like no offense, but why are you so special? He talks about her withdrawing, and she says she was becoming an unhealthy individual. She was liquored up 24/7 and not in a good head space. He asks why Lisa tried to convince her to stay. Lisa says running back to mommy is no way to grow up, and Lala is stronger than she thinks.

Andy asks if it’s really good-by for Lala with the group, and everyone goes, nah. Lala apologizes to everybody for being mean. Schwartz says she’s awesome, considering. Lala says when someone comes into a situation where everyone has their dukes up already, defensiveness is to be expected. We say good-by to Lala – for now.

Next up are Tom and Ariana. Tom’s animosity about Ariana’s cocktail book is discussed. Ariana felt he shouldn’t just jump in after she put in the initial footwork, but the end result was they’re both doing the book. Andy asks why Ariana doesn’t want Tom to put a ring on it. She says she just doesn’t see the point, and everyone pushing it is getting irritating. Andy mentions that Brittany has been planning her wedding for her entire life, and Jax suggests Denny’s as a venue. Stassi says that her family marries and divorces for sport.

We cover the comedy night where Jax’s d*ck pic was revealed, and thankfully, which Brittany’s mother did not attend. I could swear this was the prior season. Jax says he only cared because of Brittany, who says they promised nothing like that would happen again. Lisa thought it was tacky, thoughtless, and mean. Andy asks why Brittany brought her mother to the roast, and Lisa says she was horrified. We flash back to Lisa cautioning Brittany’s mother about Jax. Lisa says if Brittany was her daughter, she wouldn’t be too happy. Andy brings up Brittany’s mother being most upset by the thought of Jax kissing a guy, which I think is weird too. Jax says he probably would have been more concerned about the cheating and the drugs. Tom thought it was inappropriate, but Jax says that it’s to be expected from a mom. Brittany talks about her mother getting a huge amount of flack on social media, and says she isn’t homophobic in any way. Andy says as a gay guy, he totally understood. Jax says she lives in a different, very conservative world.

We go back in time to Jax’s visit to Kentucky. A lot of it involves animals and four-wheelers. And Jax being grilled about marrying Brittany. I don’t remember this at all. Did they even show any of this?

Stassi’s younger brother Nicolai is introduced. The voice of reason. Stassi calls him brave for being on the show, and I agree. Andy asks what he thought about Stassi and Jax as a couple. He says it was good at first, but went wrong. We flash back to a conversation between him and Jax. Patrick is discussed. Tom asks Stassi if he knocked the show and Andy asks if that’s part of the reason she left. She says he wasn’t too happy about it, and she did partly leave for that reason, but he seemed supportive once she left. Andy asks if Nicolai is sad about the Patrick break-up, and Nicolai drops pearls of wisdom. Stassi says she doesn’t take him seriously until she sees it on TV. We flash back to him telling her that life is tough, especially in your 20s. Andy asks how he’s so wise, and he says that he just absorbs it. We also learn that Sex in the City is one of his favorite shows. Andy asks what the weirdest thing about Stassi is. Nicolai tells us about her reaction during a cringeworthy moment. He says he’s proud about her sticking up for herself and that she really does care about other people. I think she does. For goodness’ sake, she cried when she heard Schwartz had cheated on Katie.

Andy asks for advice for everyone. Schwartz is first. Nicolai thinks Schwartz shouldn’t call girls bitches. Schwartz says he’s working on that, and Nicolai tells him to work harder. He suggests Katie lower it down on the drinking, and she’ll get more friends. He tells Jax that he’s going to die alone and drunk if he doesn’t change his ways. Out of the mouths of babes. He tells Ariana to think about other people more. Scheana is told that there’s no picking a side. She says she doesn’t, but actually, in not picking a side, you’re picking a side. Think about it. Nicolai says there’s no problem with Brittany, and tells Lisa to keep up the great business work. She thinks maybe she should hire him as her personal advisor. He also says nothing is wrong on Andy’s end.

The events up to Katie’s wedding are discussed. Scheana talks about feeling excluded. Kristen accuses her of not contributing, but she insists she did. We move on to Lisa’s shower gift of a blow-up doll named Katie, and Katie gushes over Pandora’s spa day gift. Andy brings up the altercation between Katie and Scheana, and we flash back to the disastrous bridesmaids’ lunch. Katie thinks Scheana deflects, but Scheana says that Katie is mean when she drinks. She says there’s a difference between a drinking problem and being an alcoholic. She tells Katie that everyone has had a problem with Katie’s drinking at one time or another. We flash back to all that. She insists that she’s never called Katie an alcoholic. Katie says she doesn’t have a problem either. <sigh>

Andy asks Stassi how it felt to have Ariana tell her that she didn’t give a flying. Stassi says Ariana has consistently hurt her feelings. Ariana says that Stassi is manipulating, and she didn’t believe that her feelings were really hurt. The girls all protest, and Ariana says whenever she answers a question honestly, she’s the a-hole. Katie says she’s holding Stassi accountable for things she did in the past and she doesn’t know who Stassi is today. Schwartz says that was the 2012 Stassi. Ariana says there’s no difference, and brings up Stassi saying that she’s wanted to crack her. Stassi says it wasn’t meant to be mean, and the girls all say she was just joking. Ariana says maybe she doesn’t want to be friends with people who joke like that. She thought it was another opportunity for Stassi to be the victim. She always wants people to be apologizing. Stassi says no matter what, they won’t like her.

Next time, The Reunion Part Three, Shay joins the group, the Vegas trip is discussed, and so is Katie’s drinking.

🚑 Better Call Saul returned tonight. I watched most of the first season, and it was much better (and funnier) than I expected it to be. So much good TV, so little time.

🐮 On Sweet Home Oklahoma, Lee’s new neighbor cut down a tree on her property immediately upon moving in, claiming that he “knocked on her door.” I’m in awe of her self-control in not totally going off on the neighbor. Angie aka Pumps suggested that she throw some baseballs through the neighbor’s window, and then say she knocked on the door. Instead, Lee plants some shrubs in the shape of a middle finger. I like it. Jennifer also planned a party for her French bulldog, Tubbers. She and her 9-year-old son then conspired to tell Pumps that it’s a costume party – when it’s not – because she’s given Jennifer so much grief over calling Tubbers a service dog. They were both dying laughing while setting it up, and it almost made me wish I had a kid. Almost. I love these people. They’re definitely a group I could hang out with.

👂 I gotta mention this. I was raised by a sailor, so I’m fine with cursing, but it’s not something I think should be taught to kids. Why am I saying this? I’ve been watching TV a long time – it was my babysitter growing up – and I have never heard so much cursing. I lost count of how many times I heard sh*t, especially during The Walking Dead, but now the f-word is getting pretty close to being openly said. It’s still bleeped, but just barely, and all you need to hear are the first and last letter to have your mental ear fill in the rest. And I’m not talking a cable station like HBO. Bravo, I’m talkin’ to you.