What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital — Thursday

Did Julian literally lose his shirt? He never seems to wear one anymore.

Sabrrrina tells Felix she’s been too busy to take the pregnancy test she bought. Yes, too busy to pee, she says. Welcome to the world of most women. Maybe they’re doing it differently now, but I also could have sworn you’re supposed to do that test first thing in the morning. And nobody’s that busy.

Suddenly Dante wants another baby. Because that’s a good way to save your marriage in advance. It’s only a matter of time before the wrong person sees the video of Valerie telling Dillon that she slept with Dante. It’s probably any minute now, since Dillon told the PA to do what he wants with the footage. And how can I even take Dillon seriously as a director when he’s not being a control freak? Not only that, Dillon is starting to feel guilty about having the knowledge that Dante is a cheat.

Nathan shows up at the movie set and acts like a bit of a jerk, telling Dillon he’s there to investigate the conditions on the set when he’s really there to investigate what Maxie is doing.

Paul and Tracy have a discussion about Michael, ELQ and the mob. Are these two getting back together again? NuPaul has grown on me quickly, and I’d like to see Tracy have some fun. It won’t be much fun when she finds out his game, but in the meantime, why not? Tracy leaves and Michael arrives.

Alexis asks Julian to move in with her. Aren’t these two a little old to be playing house? Isn’t he ever going to have his own place? The ten years I lived alone was the best ten years of my life.

Ha-ha! Maxie tells Dillon that Nathan was just being ridiculous over their sex scene and he even believes pro-wrestling is real. Maxie has to cry during a scene and is clueless about method acting, but doesn’t want to fake it with glycerin. Lulu walks in with groceries while they’re filming. Are they filming in her living toom? What the what? She says she wanted to provide a craft services table for them, and Dillon goes ballistic under the guise of her interrupting the scene.

Olivia is back and wants to come clean about baby Leo. Dante tells her this would be a bad idea, since they don’t know for sure if Julian is out of the mob, and her whole point in hiding the baby was because she wants to keep Leo away from all that.

Oh, this is good! Sabrrrina gets home with her bag from the drugstore and finds the GH equivalent of Twizzlers in it. Nathan smacks into Valerie outside the diner and she drops her drugstore purchase without realizing. After she wanders off, Nathan finds the pregnancy test. Since Nathan is hip to the fact that Valerie and Dante slept together, we all know what he’s thinking. I’m guessing that, although this is amusing right now, Valerie probably will end up pregnant, especially since Dante and Lulu are gearing up to have another baby. Wrenches in the works all around.

Paul tells Michael he needs to step away from the mob. Michael thinks Tracy is behind his lecture and tells him to take a hike. Since Paul’s office has a revolving door, as soon as Michael leaves, Dillon shows up complaining about Nathan, although Paul managed to squeeze in a phone call to Alexis, telling her he’s not going to prosecute Julian. Well, that worked out.

Sabrrrina miraculously gets another pregnancy test without even leaving the house.

Tracy shows up at Sabrrrina’s, where she’s now taken 47 pregnancy tests and is eating the Twizzlers. Apparently, they were supposed to have breakfast together and Sabrrrina never showed. Michael shows up and blasts Tracy about Paul’s lecture. Does no one have to go to work today?

Only Alexis. She leaves for work, and Olivia shows up with baby Leo.

Of course Nathan can’t keep anything to himself, and before even checking with Valerie to see what’s up, tells Dante that Valerie has, or rather had, a pregnancy test. Before anyone has a chance to breathe, Dante is shoving the test at Valerie, while Dillon lurks in the background.

Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood

In the 20 minutes I watched this, two women got into a cat fight over a man, and one hip hop guy said, “That’s all I’m sayin’. You know what I’m sayin’?”

I think that’s probably as high as the bar is set for this show.

General Hospital – Friday

If Elizabeth keeps talking out loud to herself about how she’s finally marrying Jason, she won’t have to worry about the secret getting out. Laura tells Elizabeth she’s out of her mind, marrying “Jake” under false pretenses. Elizabeth acts like the selfish idiot that she is, and doesn’t want to listen. She says everyone is happy right now and it would be devastating for several people, like Patrick. Laura tells her it’s going to be worse if the truth comes out later. No kidding.

Lulu wonders why Dillon is acting linsane, and Maxie tells her it’s because he’s in love with her. After Dillon is done lurking at the police station, he comes in wanting to talk to Lulu. He gives her some baloney about being stressed over the film, and then tells her that he wants to come clean about everything. She says she already knows what he’s going to say. This is usually where a mix-up occurs.

Dante demands an explanation from Valerie about the pregnancy test, and she demands to know where her Twizzlers went. Valerie gets seriously pissed about Dante jumping her ass (and not in a good way) and stomps off. I don’t blame her. Dante jumping to conclusions was what got them into this mess in the first place.

Hayden wants to go out on the town with Nicholas, but she needs him to buy her a hot outfit first. Because women always make a guy buy the outfit for the first date.

“Jake” has a confab with Sam about finding out who he is before the wedding. He wants to give his true identity to Elizabeth as a wedding gift. That will be some gift. I can’t wait. Sam wants to start with Hayden, which means starting with Nicholas. “Jake” wonders why Nicholas would give a flying, and I’ve forgotten why, so I wonder too.

Commercial break. Is that Puddy from Seinfeld in the ad for Yoplait Whips? What happened to him? He looks like a pro-wrestler.

Olivia tells Julian that she adopted the baby she’s carrying around. Because adoptions happen just that quickly. She makes up something stupid that no one in their right mind would believe. Julian takes the baby, who starts crying his head off. Is Olivia sure this is his kid? Not much happens here, and Olivia leaves as quickly as she came.

Lulu tells Dillon that everything is cool and that he’ll find someone else. He asks her what on earth she’s talking about. Told you. She tells him that they had a lot of loose ends from way back when, and that they represent each other’s missed chances. Good point. She also makes it clear that she’s happily married, making Dillon thisclose to telling her about Valerie and Dante. Lulu tells Dillon that she and Dante want to have another baby and there’s no hope for them. Uh-oh, here it comes.

Dante follows Valerie around, apologizing and acting like an idiot in general. She says even if she was pregnant, she wouldn’t keep it. Ouch! He begs her forgiveness and she says he’s made it impossible to hate him.

Laura suggests that Elizabeth tell “Jake” the truth before someone else, like Hayden, does. Young Jake comes in with an injury over his eye. I guess he got in a fight in school? Laura thinks maybe young Jake should see a shrink, since he spent the first 4 years of his life isolated on Spoon Island with Helena.

“Jake” suggests that he and Sam take a look at Nicholas’s computer. Nicholas and Hayden walk in with ten thousand shopping bags, making that idea very convenient. Sam insults the both of them and leaves with “Jake.” Nicholas wants to know what Hayden bought and so do I. She says it’s a surprise, but gives him a sneak preview of her teddy or corset or whatever she’s got on under her clothes. He wants to know why she’s being so seductive. It must have been a while since he’s gone on a date. She claims Nicholas is “blushing,” but I don’t see it. As a matter-of-fact, that’s the last thing I’d think he’d do. Hayden says he’s almost acting like he cares about her, and she wants to talk about where the relationship is going, and he says he’s suddenly not hungry…for food. Woo woo!

Just as Sam and “Jake” get to Windermere, they hear Nicholas and Hayden coming back in. This place is on an island. Does everyone have private helicopters or what? Sam and Jake scoot out the back door, and Nicholas says he wants Hayden to put on a fashion show of all the stuff she bought on his dime. “Jake” and Sam scale a wall and get in the castle another way. Sam downloads all of the info on Nicholas’s computer onto a flash drive, but before she’s finished, even though there are 5000 rooms, Hayden and Nicholas decide to use this one for the fashion show.

Dante tells big mouth Nathan that the pregnancy test wasn’t Valerie’s, and he feels like an idiot. But then Maxie sees the test and no doubt jumps to the same conclusion.

Dillon grabs Lulu for a kiss, young Jake hears Elizabeth saying that “Jake” is his father, Nicholas and Hayden start going at it with Sam and Jake teetering on a balcony or ledge or something outside, and I’m eternally grateful that the news didn’t break in at the last second.

Z Nation

Operation Bite Mark has picked up Murphy’s groupie, Serena, who looks about two 24 months pregnant. The group is traveling through a Wisconsin town that was having some kind of cheese festival, making for some amusing zombies. Doc sees the world’s biggest wheel of cheese and stops to take a slice. They use the wheel to mow down a whole lot of zombies.

Serena is going through a lot of changes – morning, daytime and evening sickness, and hormonal weirdness. While they stop for her getting sick, a group starts shooting at them. Hormones can be a good thing sometimes, as Serena knocks them all out with a machine gun tirade about a baby being on board.

The cheese wheel continues on.

They get to a Mennonite farm. Vasquez slips away and takes out his radio. Is he contacting someone? Citizen Z perhaps?

10K comes across some farmers, some zombies and a zombie sheep. He takes care of the latter two, and the farmers leave without so much as a thank you.

Commercial break. It’s a new one from Subaru with the dogs Teenage lab is dating a boxer (a boxer dog, not a pugilist) and she chases his car after he drops her off. Very cute! They knew what they were doing when they created this ad series. Some other new show called The Expanse looks good, but I watch too many shows as it is. Childhood’s End is another intriguing one. Must. Stop. Looking.

10K follows the farmers, who have holed up in a barn, but they close the door on him. He’s covered with some kind of powder that he says came out of a zombie’s head when he shot it. That can’t be good. Roberta doesn’t think so either, and tells him to wash up.

Vasqyez reunites with the others (we never get back to the radio business), but the conversation is cut short by a family of zombies that they have to deal with. They explode with the powdery stuff. The living emerge and it turns out the powder is anthrax. Was this a result of the nuclear fallout? They don’t explain. 10K keels over and is running a high fever.  Serena is about to have her baby. There are tons of sick people in the makeshift infirmary, but whether from the anthrax or zombies, I don’t know.

Serena  is about to give birth in the barn, and can’t seem to stop talking, which she’s been doing since they picked her up. Addy tells one of the women they need Doc. English is not her first language, but she gets it when Addy makes a gesture like she’s inhaling a joint. I’m pretty sure Doc has never delivered a baby before. Let alone a half-zombie baby.

The Mennonite elder, who is young because there’s no one else left, tells OBM about a pharmacy in another town. The Mennonites haven’t gone there because it’s too dangerous, but they decide to set off. Mennonite Elder Guy in tow.

Murphy and Serena make insane noises at each other, which I guess is supposed to be the half-zombie Lamaze method.

Addy, Vazquez and Mennonite Elder Guy crash the drugstore. Addy feels the need to tell Mennonite Elder Guy what condoms are for. Um, he’s a Mennonite, not a Martian. They find a guy shooting up In the back of the store. Well, there go all the drugs. Yep, there are none left. Drug Addict Guy wants to die and rushes Vasquez, who shoots him.

Murphy asks Doc for a cigar, but all Doc can come up with is a piece of nicotine gum. Things are not looking good for 10K, who is spitting up blood. I feel sad about that. This show isn’t known for sparing even its main characters. Roberta says they have Cipro at the farm. She justifies taking it from them, saying there isn’t enough for the whole place, but there is enough to save 10K. She and Vasquez are going to rob the farm’s pharm, while Doc stays behind with Murphy and Serena.

Mennonite Elder Guy knows Roberta is there for the medicine. She explains that their mission is to create the vaccine that will help everyone. Mennonite Elder Guy shares their credo of non-violence and loving their enemies. Roberta takes what they came for and she and Mennonite Elder Guy wish each other peace.

OBM is reunited and the baby is pulling itself out of the womb. Yikes! Here come 3 wise guy zombies with a zombie camel and a bunch of other zombie animals. This is apparently the zombie messiah. Some zombie cowboys (?)  join in too, and zombies start accumulating. The baby is a girl and it’s actually kind of cute. The zombie pack breaks through to where they are, and Murphy can’t hypnotize them like usual because they’re drawn to the baby. Serena gets loud and hormonal and stops them in their zombie tracks, calling them damn dirty zombies like in Planet of the Apes. She gets caught amongst the zombies and gets eaten as Murphy watches helplessly. She emerges as a zombie faster than any turning I’ve ever seen, and Roberta gives her mercy. Sacrificial lamb character for tonight, but how are these people going to travel with a half-zombie baby? I’m betting it’s going to be an adult in two weeks’ time.

If I see that final countdown Geico ad one more time, I’m going to go out of my mind. It’s been an ear worm on and off for weeks.

Commercial break. Strange. It’s an ad for The Walking Dead.

10K has survived and Murphy needs to name the baby. Addy gives 10K the condoms, which seems odd to me, since you’d think they’d be wanting to repopulate the earth. If she was going to give them to anyone, it should be Murphy. Murphy names the baby Lucille, the first of her kind.

Ha-ha-ha! The cheese wheel picks up a cow at the end.