April 28, 2021 – Maxie’s Best Option, Love Is In the NJ Air, VanderMix, Baby On Board, Joe’s Big Mouth, an Accusation, Reality Prisoner & April 1992

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Carly wants to talk to Jason about her plan to get him out of there, but he says, if he wanted out, he’d get out. She asks why he doesn’t want to run, and he says he doesn’t want to make a bad situation worse.   

Britt goes to the computer, but the files say, access denied. Cyrus asks if she’s having computer trouble again.

Elizabeth sees Jason’s name on the patient log, and flashes back to Jason telling Jake, the best thing he can do for Jason is to live his life, take care of his brothers, and do his art. Hold on to the fact that Jason didn’t kill Franco. He’d never do anything to hurt anyone if it meant hurting Jake. Laura asks Elizabeth if everything is all right.

Nina tells Jax, don’t toy with her emotions, but he’s says he’s not. He’s been laying the groundwork with Michael. He’s confident that if Nina comes home, there will be a path for her to not only see Wiley, but have a real relationship with him.  

Valentin says Peter seems lighter, and more hopeful, and Peter says he got Anna to give Maxie the push she needed to be more hospitable to him. His plan is working. Valentin took his best shot and failed, but face it, Peter is smarter than him. And now, he’s getting everything he wants.

Willow is frustrated because she can’t get chips out of the vending machine, but Michael comes along, and says he has something much better. He shows her a take-out bag, and says he thought they’d like something other than hospital food. She says, he’s so thoughtful, and he asks how Chase is. She says, Chase woke up for a second, but he’s still weak, and immediately lost consciousness. She’s scared, but most of all, she feels guilty. Chase is so  invested in the idea of them getting back together, but she can’t tell him they’re not, and it feels wrong to lie to him.

Finn goes into Chase’s room, and says Willow stepped away, but he’s sure she’ll be right back. He knows it all seems pretty scary – hell, he’s scared too – but he’s not going to lose Chase. Peter already ruined so much of his life, he’s not letting Peter take one more thing, especially not him. Chase opens his eyes, and says, Finn? Finn says he’s there, and Chase asks, what did he just say?

Maxie says, clearly, Brook wants something from her. Spill. Brook says, Maxie’s got it all wrong. It’s not about what Maxie can do for her. It’s about what they can do for each other. Maxie says she loves riddles, and Brook lifts her shirt, saying, this is as real as it gets.

Scotty meets Obrecht coming out of the elevator, and says, it’s been a while. She says, has it? and he says he’s been calling her, and all he’s been getting are crickets. She says she’s been busy, and he says, too busy to hook up while he was babysitting? She says she decided against it. Despite their shared love for Franco, she didn’t think Elizabeth would appreciate it. He says, it was probably for the best, but he’s started thinking she’s avoiding him.

Maxie says Brook just hopped from Crypticville to Crazytown. What is this? You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine? She gets that Brook has never been pregnant before, but this is weird by any standard. What’s going on? What is that? Brook says, that, is the answer to both their problems.   

Finn tells Chase that he was just talking to himself. Chase gave them all a scare. Chase asks, what happened? and Finn says Chase’s body was close to shutting down, but he administered treatment, and got Chase out of the woods. Chase thanks him, and Finn says, no sweat. Chase asks what that means. Is he cured?

Michael tells Willow, it’s an emergency, so they have to prioritize. Ask herself, is it more important to be honest, or to support Chase by giving him hope? Hope is a powerful incentive. She says, he’s right. When he puts it like that, there’s no question; Chase needs her. She has to be there for him. Just so she’s clear, she’s in love with Michael. Nothing has happened there to change that. Michael says he knows, and he’s not going anywhere. He would say what Willow is doing for Chase makes him love her more, but he doesn’t think that’s possible.

Nina asks if this is real, and Jax says, as real as the bullet he took for her. She tells him not to joke, but he says he’s not. She can be a part of Wiley’s like, if that’s still what she wants. She says, of course (🍷) it is. Everyone was so furious at her over what happened at the Quartermaines; what changed Michael’s heart? He says he convinced Michael how important it would be, not just for her, but Wiley. She says, that’s sweet of him, but she can’t imagine it went over well with Carly.

Britt tells Cyrus, it appears she’s locked out of the records regarding the pharmaceutical he was developing. He asks why she wants to access the files, and she says she found similarities between Tobadryl, and the drug in a patient’s bloodstream. Obviously, they’re different compounds, but she was hoping it would help develop treatment for ODs in the future. He says, the thing is, now that the Board put the kibosh on the program, it’s best to keep the intellectual property under wraps. Wouldn’t she agree? She says, of course (🍷), and he says, a little birdie told him that she’s been spending time in Jason’s room. Don’t forget she’s Chief of Staff. She doesn’t want anyone thinking she cares more about Jason than her other patients.

Carly says Jason isn’t going back to Pentenville. Her plan… He asks if she thinks it’s a lock, and she says, nothing is a lock, but her plan has been carefully set up, and has minimal risk. He says, the more people involved, the bigger the chance something can go wrong.

Elizabeth tells Laura that she hasn’t seen Jason. She doesn’t know what to say. She’s no longer absolutely convinced that he’s guilty. Laura asks if Elizabeth wants her opinion, and Elizabeth says, always. Laura says, from the first moment she heard about it, it didn’t make sense. Does Elizabeth remember when Ryan kidnapped Carly? Elizabeth says, how could she forget? and Laura says she was working with Jason, the thing she remembers most about him was how level-headed he remained during their insane ordeal. He’s not a person who panics. He doesn’t react in the heat moment, so it didn’t sit well with her; it still doesn’t. She can’t imagine Jason being so worked up that he shot Franco in Franco’s own studio. Did he hate Franco? Yes. Is he capable of killing? Absolutely. It’s the way it happened. Elizabeth says, she knows. She keeps going back to the idea that maybe she saw what she expected to see, and not actually what was in front of her. Maybe Jason was helping Franco, and not hurting him, but there’s a witness. Laura says, they could be wrong. What people think they see, sometimes ends up being different in reality. The truth will come out; it always does. Elizabeth says, okay, and thanks Laura. She says she has to get back to her patient, and Laura tells her to take care.

Laura rounds the corner, and runs into Cyrus. He says, hi, sis.

Valentin says, if Maxie can accept Peter, knowing who he is, he’ll have nothing further to do with it. Peter says Maxie will come to realize that their accusations are a misunderstanding.

Maxie tells Brook, this makes no sense. Brook was in the hospital the same night she was. Britt would have noticed. Brook thanks Maxie, and says she may have pocketed Maxie’s sonogram. Maxie gasps, and Brook tells her, she said thank you. Maxie says, please, start at the beginning, and Brook says, it’s a long story, elevator pitch. Since she got back, she’s been trying to find a way to make things up with her family. Maxie says, since she completely screwed them over by giving her shares to Valentin? and Brook says, because, that. Maxie says she thought Brook’s father forgave her, and Brook says, he did, but who knows? With the Quartermaines, everything is about family, and she wanted to get the shares back. She’d slept with Valentin, so why not pretend he knocked her up, and use it to her advantage? Valentin is a lot of things, but he’s not a crappy father. Maxie says, so she thought she’d use their child in exchange for the shares? Brook says, he called her bluff, and won’t give her the shares until after the baby is born. That’s where Maxie comes in.

Cyrus says he’s glad he bumped into Laura, and she says, that makes one of us. He laughs, and says he just wanted to let her know that his mother is settling in nicely in her new facility. She says, wonderful. Congratulations. She starts to walk away, and stops. She says, this begs the question, why not use this as a turning point? He says he’s not sure he’s following her, and she says he’s gotten everything he wanted; his mother, his freedom, the hospital, and Jason is in prison. Now would be the time to go legit. He tells her, she says he has everything, but that’s not true. She asks, what else is there? and he says, her.  

Carly says she knows Jason hates it, but she’s looked at the situation, and can’t do it alone. He says, she’s not alone, but she says, he’s in Pentenville. He tells her, the trial is the end of it, and she says he wants her to be patient. He says, there’s nothing to convict him, but she says, it’s different this time. The business is a runaway bus, and no one is driving. Sonny is gone, which leaves him. They can’t wait for Diane, and he can’t go back to Pentenville. Cyrus’s men will kill him. He says he can handle it, but she says she’s asking him to do something hard; to trust her. Please, do it her way. Since he’s been in prison, she knows more about the situation than he does. Even if she’s wrong, do it for her. Please. He says he’d do anything for her, and Britt comes in. She says, they have a problem.

Jax says, Carly wasn’t thrilled that he saw Michael, and Nina says she translates that to mean Carly was furious. Jax says, she was, but it doesn’t matter; she has no say. Nina tells him, Carly always gets a say, but he says, legally, Wiley isn’t her son. He’s Michael and Willow’s son, and it’s their call. She says, and? What was their call? What exactly did Michael say?  

Michael tells Willow, he knows this isn’t the best time to bring this up, but he wants to be completely transparent. She says, okay, and he says, Jax approached him, and asked him to consider giving Nina another chance at a relationship with Wiley. She asks what he told Jax, and he says he told Jax that he had to talk to her. She says, is she open to it? Is he?  

Finn tells Chase, damage has still been sustained, and Chase asks, what about the treatment Finn gave him? but Finn says, it’s a temporary solution; not a cure. Chase asks if Finn is saying he’s not getting out of there, when Elizabeth comes in. She asks how her favorite patient is, and Chase tells her, she says that to all her patients. Finn says, she does. He’s going to let Elizabeth check Chase’s vitals, and he’ll be back to touch base. Elizabeth tells Chase, she’ll be back in a second, and he says, don’t worry. Apparently, he’s not going anywhere. Elizabeth goes out in the hallway, and calls to Finn. She says they need to talk. She doesn’t want to overstep, but what was in the vial he gave Chase?

Michael tells Willow, nothing would make him happier than Wiley having both grandmas, and she says, even if they’re at each other’s throats. He says he knows if he asks his mom to get along with Nina, she will for Wiley’s sake. He’s not worried about that, but what happened last time, can’t happen again. Nina needs to have her head on straight. Jax went to see her, and he trusts Jax’s judgement. If he says Nina is in a good place, that will go a long way.

Jax tells Nina, Michael said he’d be open to allowing a visit, and she says, open? He says, it’s better than closed, but she says, Michael didn’t actually promise. He says, formally, no, but he’s known Michael since he was a boy, and Michael is very fair. If he works on Michael a little, he guarantees Michael will come around. He knows where Michael’s heart is. She says she appreciates Jax speaking on her behalf, but he’s describing a vague open-ended conversation; definitely not a promise. She can’t set herself up for another crushing blow. She wont be able take it.

Britt tells Jason and Carly that she’s been locked out of the records pertaining to the drug. Carly asks why that’s a problem, because she’s stupid. Britt says, for the same reason Cyrus noticed the amount of attention she’s giving Jason. He assumes they’re working together. Jason says that makes Brook a target, and Brook says, lucky her. He tells her to make sure Cyrus can’t use anyone she cares about against, and she says, assuming there is anyone she cares about. Jason asks what about her mom, and Britt wonders if it sounds perverse that she wants to see a show down between Cyrus and Obrecht. Carly says, yeah, and Britt says she’ll handle it. Carly says, but she’ll still help Jason get out, and Jason says, no; she won’t.

Peter tells Valentin, Maxie will come full circle, and realize being with him is best for her and the baby. Valentin asks if he’s supposed to be happy for Peter, but Peter says, no. But he wants Valentin to stop focusing on his family, and pay attention to his own.

Obrecht tells Scotty to get his head out of his arsch, and he says he doesn’t think that requires a translation. She says if he believes she’s avoiding him because of their one night, he’s sorely mistaken. He says, well, then prove it to him, and have a cocktail with him. Peter comes by, and says he likes this. The two of them have lost so much, it’s wonderful to see they’re such good friends. Scotty slams Peter up against the wall, and says, Peter killed his son, and he’s going to pay for it.

Maxie says she doesn’t understand how this has anything to do with her, and Brook says Maxie is planning on letting Peter believe their baby is dead, and stashing the baby away. Maxie says, oh my God. How could Brook possibly know that? Brook says, apparently, when Maxie was spilling her guts at Nathan’s grave, Olivia was there and overheard. In order for Maxie’s plan succeed, she knows Maxie’s baby has to disappear. For Brook’s plan to work, she needs a baby. Maxie asks why she would care about Brook’s plan. Her baby isn’t a prop; it’s a human being. Why doesn’t Brook go to a talent agency to find a baby? Brook says, she can’t believe how bitchy Maxie is being, when clearly, Brook is her best option. Maxie asks when Brook ever did anything good for her, and Brook suggests Maxie tell her about her problems. 

Elizabeth tells Finn, she was in the room. They were losing Chase, when Anna showed up, and Finn injected whatever she gave him into Chase’s IV, and he stabilized. He says, she must be mixed up; there was a lot going on. Why would Anna give him medicine? She should just be grateful the protocol worked, and they saved Chase’s life. She says if she doesn’t have all the information, she can’t do her job, but he tells her, leave it alone

Finn apologizes to Elizabeth. He says he’s exhausted, but knows that’s not an excuse. It’s been a trying couple of days for everyone. Just give him a moment to exhale, and he’ll bring her up to speed. She says she’ll check Chase’s vitals, and leaves. Finn sees Dr. Zaslow, and asks if he can have a minute.  

Scotty says he should beat the hell out of Peter, but he’ll let the courts deal with it. Get out. He shoves Peter toward the elevator, and Peter says, he doesn’t know who put that idea in Scotty’s head, but it’s just not true. He’ll chalk up to a misunderstanding. The elevator comes, and he says, here’s his ride. Be good now. Scotty punches the elevator doors, and curses Peter with the fire of a thousand blazing suns. He sees Obrecht smiling at him, and says, what? She says, nothing, and he asks if she liked that. She says she’s seen worse.

Laura says if Cyrus wants a relationship with her, he’ll have to be someone she can have a relationship with. He asks if she’s ever considered that she’s putting the cart before the horse. How about instead of lecturing him on how awful he is, they get to know each other? Who knows? Maybe her good influence can change him.

Britt says she loves when people talk for her, and Jason says he’s not letting her risk her career or her life. Carly says, it’s her asking. Cyrus will destroy Port Charles, and she needs Jason’s help. If Jason goes back to Pentenville, Cyrus will kill him. Jason tries to interrupt, but Britt says, this is between her and Carly. It’s not his call. She’s in.

Maxie tells Brook, imagine how lost and betrayed she felt. She loved Peter, and he betrayed her. He was lying the entire time. Now she keeps asking herself how she fell for it. How could she not see it? She could blame Anna, and she did, but it’s not Anna’s fault. When it came to Peter, Maxie dove in head first, and didn’t stop to check the water. Everyone she trusted told her to be careful; to slow down, and remember why Peter came to Port Charles in the first place. She refused to listen. She couldn’t bear to face what that meant. She was really alone, and back to grieving Nathan. She couldn’t face that, and instead clung to Peter like a life raft, but the thing she thought was keeping her afloat was dragging her down. If it was just her, it would be okay; she could handle it. But now, she’s pregnant with a baby she loves with all her heart, and the father is a monster. So no matter how much it hurts or how hard it is for her, there’s no way Peter will get his hands on this baby. Ever.

Valentin comes out of the elevator at the hospital, and sees Willow and Michael talking. Willow says, there are no easy answers when it comes to Nina, but they’re Wiley’s parents, and they’ll decide together. He says, together. That sounds good, and she says she has to get back to Chase. He gives her the food, and she thanks him. After she leaves, Valentin approaches Michael, and says he couldn’t help but overhear. Is Michael reconsidering letting Nina be a part of Wiley’s life?  

Jax says, so Nina won’t come home? and she says, for an empty promise? He says, it’s not empty, and she says, but it’s not full. He says he’s just trying to make things right, and she says she knows, but he can’t. Doesn’t he see that? When Michael seriously decides she can be part of Wiley’s life, tell Michael to call her. Until then, she can’t go back there. He asks if she’s ever coming home.

Finn asks how Chase feels, and Chase says, his whole body is numb, but it’s better than a seizure. Finn says Chase is still cracking jokes, and Chase says, progress; write it down in his tablet. Finn looks pensive, and Chase says, don’t write him off yet, but Finn says he’s not. He’s thinking about all the time he wasted; all the things he let come between them. Chase says, they’re here now, and Finn says, yeah, they are.

Obrecht and Scotty clink martini glasses, and she says, to Peter getting what he deserves. Scotty says, and much, much more. Obrecht’s phone rings, and she says, Britt, what’s wrong? Britt asks how Obrecht knows there’s something wrong, and Obrecht says, Britt doesn’t call otherwise. Britt says she doesn’t have time for this, and Obrecht says, she knew it. Is Britt in trouble? Britt says, it’s hard to say, but Obrecht might be. She wants Obrecht to lay low, and avoid her hotel room. Is there anyone she can stay with? Obrecht looks at Scotty, and says she thinks that could be arranged.  

Nina tells Jax, she thought visiting Phyllis was just a pitstop, but she’s finding out, the longer she stays away from Port Charles, the easier it is to forget all the pain she endured there. He says, out of sight, out of mind, and she says, some things are harder to forget than others. He asks if the wonderful times they had together don’t count, but she says, they count a lot. She doesn’t know any other way to describe this, but she’s happy there. He says, forgive him for not understanding, but what’s so compelling or life-altering about Nixon Falls that makes her want to stay?

Michael tells Valentin, if he’s reconsidering Nina being in Wiley’s life, it’s none of Valentin’s business. Valentin says Michael has every reason to resent him, but he does have a stake in this. Not only is Nina his friend, but he’s part of Wiley’s family. Michael is going to have to face it. They’re all connected thanks to Brook’s baby.

Maxie sits, and tells Brook that she’s doing her best to string Peter along, but her plan is getting staler by the day. Peter is pushing harder all the time. Brook sits with her, and says she got it in the abstract, but now she gets it for real. How Maxie is freaked out and prepared to do anything for her baby. She doesn’t need to look any further. Valentin thinks she’s having a baby, and if she sells it – and she knows she will – he’ll think Maxie’s baby is his. Valentin is the one person equipped to keep Maxie’s baby form Peter. It’s the safest place for her little girl to be. Maxie says, no, and Brook says, that’s it? Maxie says, sorry, but Brook doesn’t really care about her baby. She just wants to save her stupid stock. This is why Lulu didn’t like Brook; she’s all about herself. Brook says, so is Maxie, and Maxie says, she used to be, 100%, but something changes when you’re a parent, and Brook isn’t a parent. If Maxie never trusted Brook before, why would she do it now, when it’s more important than anything? Brook says, because she’s Maxie’s best option, and Maxie is smart enough to know it.    

Laura says she thinks they’re at a stalemate, and Cyrus says, not for long. The tide is turning in Port Charles, and battle lines are being drawn. Pretty soon, there will be no room left on the sidelines. Laura had best a choose side, lest one be chosen for her. He gets in the elevator, and the doors close. Laura looks panicked.

Carly says, Britt is right. Jason needs help, and he hates it, so he’s giving her pushback. But it doesn’t matter; they’re moving ahead. He says he doesn’t know if it’s a good idea, but guesses they’ll find out while they’re doing it. She says, it’s going to work, and he says, it better.   

Obrecht tells Scotty that she hopes she won’t be too much of a burden, but he says she was a nice roommate over the holidays. He admits it’s been rather lonely for him, and she says it’s been lonely for her too. They get in the elevator, and she fluffs her hair. As the doors close, Scotty grabs her, and they passionately kiss.

Britt says she needs Elizabeth on 10, but Elizabeth says she’s taking care of Chase. Britt says, not anymore. Finn requested she be transferred.

Willow says, Chase is awake, and Chase says, he is. Finn says he was just leaving. As he goes out the door, he looks at them and smiles. Willow says she sees how it is. Chase chose the one moment she wasn’t in the room to open his eyes. He tells her, if he has anything to say about it, he’ll have a whole lifetime of waking up next to her.

Jax says it doesn’t matter what Nina is keeping from him, as long as she’s happy. Nina says, she is, and he says, good. It’s all he wanted, even though she might not believe it. She says she does, and he says, if anyone deserves happiness, it’s her. She says he’s making her sound like some kind of saint, but she’s not. Far from it.   

Brook says she’s the answer to Maxie’s prayers. She’s sorry it’s not the package Maxie wants, and Maxie says, Brook isn’t her savior. Brook says she knows Lulu despises her. She was a bitch to Lulu, and Lulu was a bitch to her. But if they presented this plan to Lulu, what does Maxie think Lulu would tell her? Maxie says, Lulu would tell her to get over herself, and make the best choice for her child. Her phone rings, and it’s Peter. He says he’s done some research on live-in nurses, and he’d be happy to send some over today. Maxie says she appreciates that, but she’s already on it. He asks if she’s sure, and she says she thinks she found someone who can help her. She’ll tell him about it later. She hangs up, and tells Brook, okay. If they do this, they play by her rules. She’s trusting Brook with her child, and nothing can go wrong. Understood? Brook says, completely.

Tomorrow, Josslyn tells Trina that they need a break from Port Charles, Alexis says she knows what Nikolas did, Cyrus says it’s never simple with him, and Sam asks if the hospital stay is part of Jason’s sentence.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

The women were still at Jennifer’s mom-included party. Josephine said she was embarrassed about her marriage not working out, but no one cared. Jennifer wanted her to see how happy the women were without their husbands. Evan, Frank, and Joes #2 and #3 played golf, and had lunch afterward. Joe #3 said Marge wouldn’t slow down on the house project, and Joe #2 said all the women were on a mission, like they had something to prove. Evan asked if Joe #2 and Melissa were good, and Joe told them about date night. Frank asked about Teresa’s new guy, but Joe said he didn’t know anything. They knew he was holding out, and it wasn’t long before he spilled the tea on T. He said he loved Teresa’s new boyfriend, and in his interview, he said he was supposed to keep it a secret, but Teresa was telling everyone.

Michelle showed Teresa a house, and Teresa was feeling better about her mom, but said her feelings were like a roller coaster. When she started feeling bad, she knew her parents were watching over her. She wanted her next home to be clean and easy. The house was mammoth with an open floor plan, and an entire apartment (or suite as Teresa called it) in the basement. Teresa showed Gia on the phone, and Gia immediately claimed it. We flashed back to 2009, when they’d bought the previous house. Teresa felt it was a lot to maintain, and she wanted a change. Selling the house was like a final ending. This part of their lives was over. She still wanted to see more houses, and Michelle agreed she shouldn’t jump at the first one. She told Teresa to remember what psychic Gina said, that everything would happen all at once. Michelle said Gina also mentioned a new man, and she was having a cocktail party. New guy David was going to be there, and Michelle thought he was a possibility, but Teresa said she’d met someone. She’d just met him, so the jury was out, but in Teresa’s interview, she said, did she want to meet anyone? Not at all, but she didn’t want to alert Michelle. Michelle told her, the cocktail party was just going to be a casual thing.

Joe and Melissa had lunch with The Marge and Joe #3. Joe #3 talked about Joe #2 losing a bet, and having to kiss Frank’s ass. It was either that, or run across a field naked. In Melissa’s interview, she said Joe #2 was like an everlasting frat boy. Marge said she knew Teresa was in love, and in Melissa’s interview, she said she’d been sworn to secrecy, but Joe #2 liked wearing his heart on his sleeve. Joe #2 concurred that Teresa was in love, even though Melissa tried to stop him from talking. Marge said Teresa was drinking pineapple juice by the gallon, so it was obvious.

Delores was scared while waiting for her biopsy. She was also mad at herself and regretful. In her interview, she said she’d thought no sickness would get the best of her, but cancer didn’t discriminate. Her life was where she wanted it to be; her kids were happy, she was financially independent, and had Frank by her side. Everything was in place, and where she wanted it to be. This put things in perspective, because the result could take all that away.

Everyone got ready for Michelle’s cocktail party, and I guess casual means something different to me. I have to mention that Frank kept Delores company as she did her makeup in her closet, which, to you and me, would be a very large dressing room with a full vanity. He wondered why she had roller-skates, and she said Melissa was going to have a roller-skating party, but it was canceled because of the pandemic. She told him that she realized it would be a good workout, and she’d been rollerblading. On roller skates. Someone please explain to her that those are two different things. In the happiest news ever, she found out her tumor was benign, and she was ready to enjoy the night. I’m always hyper aware of the food at every party on every reality show, and this was no exception. It was a magnificent spread, and I would have gone up a size had I been there. In Teresa’s interview, she said she was angry because Marge told her that Joe #2 said she was in love. During the cocktail chit-chat, Melissa said, after the first time she and Joe #2 had sex, he sent her ten dozen roses. Marge said, Joe #3 took a shower, and said he didn’t want to smell like her because his wife might suspect. They discussed David having bought Delores a Porsche as an early birthday gift, and Marge said Delores was locked and loaded. Melissa she said she thought David was buying time, and everyone agreed. In Melissa’s interview, she said Teresa claimed not to be in love, but she was texting a million miles an hour in the corner. It was very obvious. It was even more obvious when Teresa suddenly left.

In Delores’s interview, she said she didn’t blame Teresa for keeping her boyfriend to herself. It was a judgmental crowd. Joe #2 said Delores was in denial, and Delores said she wasn’t interested in someone getting mad because she walked ahead of them to the car. Joe said, a real man expressed his feelings, and in Jennifer’s interview, she said that Joe wasn’t saying it well, but she got his point. In Jackie’s interview, she said she thought Joe was sending a message to Melissa that she’d be nothing without a man. I didn’t get that at all, and besides, not only do I think Delores has a fabulous set-up, if she decides it’s not working out, she can get any man she wants – if she wants one. I mean, look at her. Joe #2 went on to say Delores was a broken woman, which pretty much stunned everyone. In Marge’s interview, she wondered if it was the 1950s. News flash: women don’t derive all their happiness from men. Melissa admitted many of them thought David was stalling about the ring, and Jennifer asked if Delores was crushed. Good Lord. Leave this woman alone. Delores said that David was part of the family, even if their relationship was moving slower than everyone else expected, and she was good with it. That was all that mattered. She finally told them, f*** you, and left, yelling to Frank that she wanted to GO. Marge thought it was insulting that Delores had gotten a beautiful gift, and they were acting like it wasn’t good enough. Outside, Frank asked why Delores was yelling at him, and she said because she was aggravated. Marge said it wasn’t a party unless someone stormed out.

Next time, we meet Teresa’s new dude, Jennifer has a major fight with her mom, and Joe #2 says he and Melissa are done. I’m betting that’s not what it seems due to Bravo’s editing.

🍸 Bravo had a bit of a mishmash of Overserved and what’s to come on Vanderpump Rules. They aired the Overserved episode, Ladies Who Brunch, already commented on here, then James Kennedy and Australian stand-up comic Jim Jeffries were LVP’s guests. I’m not sure what the theme was supposed to be, and the really weird part is, the episode isn’t listed anywhere. Maybe it was special for Bravo. LVP said the dinner was comprised of all things very Vanderpump, so we’ll go with that. James said he wasn’t as nervous being at Villa Rosa as he usually was; LVP had fired him five times. He stuck to non-alcoholic cocktails (well done, James!), and said he’d be two years sober on July 6th. They played Kiss-the-Pony Poker, where they stuck cards to their foreheads and played a hand, having to guess the mystery card. James was the loser, and had to kiss one of the ponies, but I failed to see how that was a loss. Jim said he’d been planning on it anyway. He’s a very funny guy. James mentioned that Jim had mooned Jax (who wouldn’t?), and Jim said some of the Vanderpump Rules cast had been at The Improv, and he did it to mess with production. He said Jax got all silver-backed gorilla on him, and we saw a clip of an altercation where Jax was clearly the loser. Jason, Pandora, Ken, and Giggy (!) joined them for dinner. Jim suggested LVP had so many dogs in order to fart undetected, and since the entrée was lobster pasta, James said, tonight, it’s about the pasta. This had to be explained to Jim, but the story lost something in the translation. James did some rapping, and called Scheana, so LVP could get in on the video chat.  James confirmed he was going to ask Raquel to marry him, and practiced his proposal. They played Get Pumped, but I’m not even repeating any of the Q&A here. They ended with playing a game where they had to get a piece of chocolate from their foreheads into their mouths without using their hands. Jim thought he was a shoo-in since he was the only one without Botox, but LVP won. But of course.

Tomorrow on E!, LVP hosts Sheryl Underwood and Mario Lopez for a Traditional English Roast.

🥂 There were a couple of quickie scenes from the latest Vanderpump Rules, and here’s what we found out. Because of Scheana’s pregnancy, she could move her face for the first time in ten years because, no Botox. We also learned Katie wasn’t ready for a baby, and Randall is a freeballer. In other words, not much, but here’s a little more.

https://pagesix.com/2021/04/27/vanderpump-rules-finally-returning-season-9-cast-revealed/

👶 It’s a Girl…

Love the name. It sounds like what Sailor Moon would name her kid. Providing she wasn’t a cartoon, and could have a kid.

https://people.com/parents/scheana-shay-welcomes-first-baby-daughter-summer-moon/

😮 Oh No He Didn’t…

Possibly one of the most uncalled for comments ever.

https://pagesix.com/2021/04/28/joe-gorga-says-dolores-catania-is-a-broken-woman-in-rhonj-clip/

Dump that tea.

https://people.com/tv/rhonj-joe-gorga-tells-his-friends-sister-teresa-giudice-is-in-love-with-new-boyfriend/

💸 Ponzi This…

Just a little vague.

https://screenrant.com/real-housewives-new-jersey-danielle-accused-joe-ponzi/

🚪 Get Me Out…

I can’t say I’ve ever heard of someone being trapped on a reality show before. Someone who didn’t want to be trapped anyway.

https://nypost.com/2021/04/27/russian-man-free-after-being-trapped-on-chinese-reality-show/

🌞 When the Morning Comes…

Tomorrow brings the Reunion of Oh My God There’s More Summer House. Part One. How they could possibly have more to screech about than can be contained in a 43 minute hour? Whether you’re there or square, stay safe, stay true to your convictions, and stay knowing when it is or isn’t about the pasta.

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