What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Nikolas tells Ava, it’s not a good time, but she breezes past him, saying they have a lot to talk about. He suggests they meet at the PC Grill later, and she says, how about now? but he says, she can’t be here.

Esme works at the lock with the picture wire, but is unsuccessful. She says she doesn’t know how big the baby’s brain is yet, but they need all the help they can get. How are they going to get out of here?

Spencer picks up some torn pieces of paper from the library floor, and Cyrus comes in and says, tear-aways. Men tear pictures of women out of men’s lifestyle magazines. He shrugs, and Spencer says, that’s pathetic. Cyrus says, prison is a lonely place. The magazines are full of holes. Spencer says, just like Cyrus’s redemption story.

Kristina meets Sonny and Dante at the MetroCourt, and apologizes for being late. She had to train the manager who’s going to sub for her. Sonny asks if she’s looking forward to her trip, but she says, it’s not a trip; it’s a management incentive. Sonny says, they’re overdue for a family meal, and Kristina asks which guard Sonny has today. Frank, or is Dex back?

Alexis says, Diane scared her, and Diane says, Alexis doesn’t scare easily. Alexis says she’s always scared. It’s just manifested as righteous indignation. Diane asks if it was Alexis’s fear that made Alexis goad her attacker.

Robert calls Anna, and asks if she found Lucy, but Anna says, no, and she doesn’t like it. The reminder on Lucy’s calendar was a sunset cruise leaving from Pier 47, but there’s no sign of her or a boat. Anna hears the shots from Pier 55, and runs toward them.

Sonny says, Dex is back, and Kristina says, thank God Sonny finally backed off Dex being a person of interest. She tells Dante, it made no sense whatsoever, and Dante says, it kind of did, but they’ve since found evidence that points them in a different direction. She says she told them. For a minute there, she thought Sonny lost confidence in Dex too. Sonny says, for a minute there, he did.

Alexis says, Diane read the open letter in The Invader, and Diane says she’s been very busy, but managed to find time. Alexis says, when she saw Diane on that garage floor, she wanted to do something. She wanted to get the attacker, smoke him out, goad him into slipping. Diane says, her; the attacker was a woman. Alexis says, good job in keeping her presence of mind to make the partial ID. She thought the open letter was a good idea at the time, but now there’s been another attack, She didn’t mean to provoke… Diane says, objection, counselor; that’s speculation. The real killer doesn’t need to be provoked. She wasn’t the first victim, and she won’t be the last. Alexis made a valiant effort, and she appreciates it. Alexis says she would hate it if she was responsible for anyone else having to go through what Diane did, but Diane says she’s still standing… lying, sitting. And besides having time to read Alexis’s profound journalism, it’s given her a chance to put things in perspective. Like if she’s living her life to the fullest. Maybe there’s something out there she’s been missing. Robert stands in the doorway, and says, ka-nock, ka-nock. Now there’s a sight for sore eyes.

Ava asks Nikolas if Uncle Victor is telling the truth; he said Nikolas was going to divorce her. He steps away from her, and she asks if he was going to tell her, or was she just going to answer the door one day at Nina’s, and be served with papers? He says, it’s not what she thinks, and she says she doesn’t know what to think. She thought he wanted to work on things. He says he does, and she asks why Victor thinks otherwise. He flashes back to Victor demanding he divorce Ava, and says, Victor probably got the wrong idea because he’s been so cynical about their chances. It’s not like she’s been giving him hope. She asks if he thinks he deserves it, and he says, probably not, but he will spend the rest of his life trying to win her back, and won’t let anyone stand in his way.

Esme says she knows she’s asking a lot of the baby, but they’re the only reason Nikolas hasn’t wrung her neck. She tries the wire on the lock again, and says, you’re my ace in the hole, kid, and your daddy knows it. That’s why he’s trapped them in there. She really knows how to pick them. Just wait until you meet your brother Spencer.

Cyrus says, Spencer has every right to be skeptical. In his previous life, he was a scoundrel by every definition, but he’s no longer that man. Spencer says, he’s reformed, and Cyrus says he was faithless once too. Spencer says he has faith, just not in men who say one thing and do another. Cyrus says, like Spencer’s father, or Spencer, and Spencer says, Cyrus doesn’t know him. Cyrus says, we’re family, but Spencer says, no. He’s a Cassadine. Family is simply a means to an end with them. Cyrus says, that saddens him because he values family greatly. Martin and Laura… Spencer tells Cyrus not to say his grandmother’s name, and Cyrus says, he merely meant to convey his regret in pushing away the two people he’d like to get closer to. In Spencer, he sees an opportunity to make almonds amends. Spencer says he’s sorry, but the adopt-an-inmate program has been discontinued, and Cyrus laughs. He says he notices Spencer’s uniform isn’t his size, and heard his bedding went missing. He can endure this hazing or let Cyrus look out for him. Book comes in and says, careful. If Spencer relies on this old man, he won’t last ten minutes in this place. Is this guy new or just stupid? Not to mention, Cyrus looks like he could easily take most inmates on.

Anna calls 9-1-1, and says, shots fired on Pier 55. She walks out to the dock, and sees a shoe near the edge. Victor calls to Lucy, and runs onto the pier. He says, is that Lucy’s shoe?

At the MetroCourt, Alexis nearly runs into Dex, and says, he works for Sonny, doesn’t he? He says he’s working right now. Sonny is having dinner with her daughter. She says, Kristina’s here?

Dante says he’s sorry, but duty calls. A raincheck on the family dinner? He says goodbye to Sonny and Kristina, and leaves.

Anna asks what Victor is doing here, and he says he might ask her the same thing. She says she heard shots, and he says, as did he. He was on his way to meet Lucy at Pier 47, when he heard the shots. He told his driver to pull over in case someone needed assistance. He doesn’t see anyone here but Anna. Anna says, she was at Pier 47, and Lucy’s not there. Victor wonders where she could be; she’s not answering his calls. Anna shines her flashlight around, and he says he hopes nothing’s happened to Lucy. He’ll feel so responsible; he’ll never forgive himself. Anna says, is he responsible? and he says, it’s his fault she was out here all alone. He was late, and if that shoe’s any indication, she was waiting at the wrong dock. He calls Lucy again, and says, still voicemail. He’ll call the PCPD. Anna says, she already did, but he says he wants to make sure they’re en route. She says she’ll call the harbormaster.

Book tells Spencer, prison is all about partnerships, and Spencer says he’s just trying to keep his head down. Book says, he can go that route, but the attention he’s getting won’t stop at his fluff and folds. He adjusts Spencer’s collar, and Cyrus says, take your hands off him. Book says, it’s all in who you know. Isn’t that right, old man? Spencer might think he has it made, but those Corinthos guys can’t be everywhere all the time, and the best he’ll get aligning himself with this prehistoric pusher is an extra helping at mealtime. Cyrus asks if Book thinks Spencer should align himself with his lot, and Book says, no one can look out for Spencer 24/7 in a place like this. It’s dangerous and random. Spencer asks what he wants, and Book says he wants his work assignment back. Spencer asks where he is now, and Book says, laundry. Spencer looks at Cyrus, and says, mystery solved. Book says, what does Spencer say? Spencer gets his protection for his old gig back?

Ava says, Nikolas would fight for them? and he says, clearly she wants him to. She moves closer as if she’s going to kiss him, and says, how arrogantly presumptuous. Nikolas tells her, admit she still loves him and doesn’t want to give up on them any more than he does, but she says she admits nothing. He asks why she’s here. The minute she thinks he’s going to throw in the towel, she shows up. She tells him not to flatter himself, and he asks if she has another reason to be here. She says she does. She has to take inventory when she closes the gallery, and left some files in the tower. So she’ll go get them and they can continue this conversation when it’s more convenient. He says she can’t go up there, and she asks, why not? What’s really going on around here?

Robert says he didn’t mean to chase Alexis off, but Diane says, he didn’t. They had a long and lovely visit. Did he capture her assailant? He says, not yet, but he thought he’d see how she was doing. He went to the ICU, and they told him she’d been upgraded, which he expected, her being a tough cookie and all. She says she tries. She guesses this is the universe’s way of telling her to slow down, and he says, it’s too bad the universe can’t give us these messages in a less painful way. She asks what she can do for him. Does he have more questions for her? He wonders if any details have crossed her mind; it could be totally insignificant. She says she’s tried, but aside from the fact it was a woman with jangly bracelets, the only things she can remember is her life flashing before her eyes. They say that happens, and it’s true. He says he’s been there, once or twice.

Anna asks why Victor and Lucy were meeting, and Victor says, they were going on a sunset cruise. She says she doesn’t see a boat. Why does he suppose her shoe is here? He says he hasn’t a clue, and asks what brought her to the docks? Anna says she told him, and Dante comes in with some officers. He tells Anna that he got a call about a missing or abducted person. Does she know anything about that? She says she believes the shoe belongs to Lucy Coe; they found it there. Victor says, to be accurate, Anna Devane found the shoe. He arrived shortly after the gunshots. Dante examines the shoe, and Anna says, two gunshots in rapid succession, from a small caliber weapon. She can’t be sure of the precise origin, but if Lucy’s missing… Dante says, is Lucy missing? and Victor says, it would seem so. They were supposed to meet here, and Lucy’s nowhere to be seen. His calls are going to voicemail. Dante tells an officer to cordon off the area, and get CSI and forensics down here. They also need an underwater dive. Victor asks what Dante thinks happened, but Dante says he doesn’t know, but he’s going to find out, and then so will Victor.

Esme fails at lockpicking again, and throws books and paintings around the room. She screams at the top of her lungs, then flings herself on the bed, pounding on it, and throwing a tantrum.

Nikolas tells Ava, a pipe burst in the north tower. It’s not safe to go up there; it’s a mess. She says, all her files will be ruined, but he says, don’t worry. Everything was boxed up and moved to a different area; there’s no damage. When the tower is structurally sound, he’ll grab her files and get them to her. He hustles her to the door, and she asks if he’s trying to get rid of her, but he says, it’s just the opposite. He has to get back to check on how the work is coming. She says, it’s night, and he says he has to meet the foreman in the morning, and likes to be hands-on. She says she’s meeting Nina for dinner anyway. About what Uncle Victor said… He says, nothing can be further from the truth. There is no third party intervention needed. He wants her; the ball’s in her court. She says, all right then, and leaves.

Spencer tells Book, it’s a tempting offer, but he thinks he’ll watch his own back. Spencer heads back to the shelves, and Book tries to follow, but Cyrus blocks him. He says, Book heard his nephew, and Book punches Cyrus in the jaw, but Cyrus is hardly fazed.

Esme continues to pound on the bed, then sits up, wondering, what was that? It felt like butterflies. Is the baby moving around or just giving her indigestion? Either way, she supposes they’re right. She can’t give up now and start feeling sorry for herself. She won’t give up. We won’t give up. She picks up the wire, and works at the lock some more. It opens, and she says, we did it. Let’s go see your grandfather. She steps out, and Nikolas is there. He asks if she’s going somewhere.

Sonny tells Kristina, he’s proud of all his children, Michael included. Even though they’re not blood related, Michael is the most like him, and the first child he raised. You think you know what it’s like to be a parent until you become one. She asks if things are still tense between him and Michael, and Sonny says, tense is an understatement. He thinks it’s over, but Kristina doesn’t believe that. She says, Michael is hurt and angry, but underneath all of that, Michael loves him and he always will. He says, like her and Alexis, and Alexis walks over to their table. Kristina asks if she’s heard from Diane, and Alexis says, Diane is out of the ICU, and recovering by leaps and bounds. Sonny says, that’s good to hear, and tells Alexis, have a seat. He has to take care of something. He leaves, and Alexis sits down. She says she’ll just sit for a bit. She doesn’t want to take time away from Kristina’s dinner with her dad. Diane said Kristina called; that was thoughtful. Kristina says, Diane is Alexis’s best friend, and Alexis says, and she also saw the flowers Kristina sent to Brando’s memorial service. Kristina says she’s sorry she had to miss it, but she’s going out of town, and couldn’t take time off before she leaves. She’s sure Alexis thinks her slinging drinks and wings isn’t as important as her cousin’s funeral.

Cyrus tells Book, the Bible says, if someone smite thee on thy cheek, turn to him the other one, and Book says he’s glad God approves. He raises his hand, and in a second, Cyrus has that hand twisted behind Book’s back, and Book up against the wall. He says, it also tells us to put on the full armor of God, so ye can stand against the wiles of Satan. He lets Book go, and says, move… on. Book says, and if he doesn’t? Is Cyrus going to drop the spiritual act, and do what? Cyrus says, only God can judge him, when a guard walks in and asks if there’s a problem. Cyrus says, Book’s got a shiv, and Book says, he doesn’t. The guard reaches in Book’s pocket and takes one out. He says, looks like Book earned solitary confinement, and hustles him out, as Book wails, it’s not his. Like no one in prison has ever said that. Cyrus asks Spencer, now what were we discussing before we were so rudely interrupted?

At the docks, Dante talks to Victor, and Anna leaves a message for Valentin. She says, when he gets this, he needs to call her immediately. It’s about Lucy. Victor asks if she’s calling his son, and she says, it’s none of his business. He says he is right here; he does have ears. Anna says, and Valentin’s unreachable, as Victor knows. It’s such a coincidence, isn’t it, that Valentin is in Switzerland when all of this happening? He asks if she’s accusing his son of something. Charlotte has an equestrian event, and she’s like her father there. That’s the only reason Valentin is there. She says, it’s understandable, given how long it’s been since he’s seen her, and he says, what’s less understandable is Anna feeling the need to loop Valentin into Lucy’s situation. She says, Valentin is a major shareholder in Lucy’s company, and he says, yes, of course (🍷). He underestimated how heavily Valentin is invested in Deception. Dante joins them, and says, officers are checking Lucy’s home and office. Victor’s driver corroborated his story. Victor says, so he’s free to go? and Dante says, he can leave the pier. He doesn’t think it would do Victor any favors to leave town. Victor says, of course (🍷) not. Please let him know if they find out anything. It’s all so troubling. He does hope Lucy didn’t meet with foul play.

Nikolas says he should have known how enterprising Esme could be, after she stalked Ava, framed Trina, and seduced him. She says, it didn’t take much to seduce him, and she may be enterprising, but he isn’t remotely equipped for this. Does he think he can shove her in a room for six months with no preparation or planning? What is this, amateur hour? Like father, like son. He tells her, shut up. She’s taken everything from him. She blew up his marriage, his son is in Pentenville all because she came into their lives. He’s so sick of her. She asks what he’s going to do to her; she’ll scream. He tells her, go ahead. Nobody’s coming for her.

Sonny asks how Dex is holding up, and Dex says, good. Sonny asks if he wants to take off for a couple hours. Dante left, and he just ordered with Kristina, but Dex says he doesn’t mind staying. Sonny says he wants to thank Dex for not holding what happened against him. Mistakes were made; Dex was treated unfairly. One good thing that came out of this is, Sonny knows how strong and discreet Dex is. That’s very important in this business. Dex says he hopes he’s proved his loyalty, and Sonny says, loyalty is very important, and rare, and he doesn’t take it for granted.

Victor sees Ava at the MetroCourt bar, and says, twice in one day; what a delight. She says, for him, and he says he’s sorry. Has he offended her in some way? She asks if he’s forgotten the glad tidings he brought her earlier, about her husband’s plans to divorce her? He says, no, but he’s a little surprised at her reaction. Nikolas betrayed her. He would have thought she’d want to be rid of him. She says, they’ve been over this several times, but she’ll try it again. Her marriage is none of his concern. He says, of course (🍷), but allow him to be candid for a moment. As much as he cares about Nikolas, he’s hardly her equal.

Spencer asks if Cyrus set Book up, and Cyrus says, that’s one way of looking at it. Spencer asks if Cyrus knew the guard was coming back or was that just luck? Cyrus says, he believes in blessings, not luck, but he does have connections Book knows nothing about. People often mistake bluster for power, but real power is much quieter. Spencer asks if the Bible doesn’t also something about bearing false witness, and Cyrus laughs, saying, apparently, God isn’t through with him yet. It’s hard reconcile sometimes, but there’s a spiritual world and there’s a real world. It’s not his job to take Book off this planet, but he can remove him from Spencer’s sphere, at least temporarily. Maybe he’ll think twice approaching Spencer next time. Spencer supposes he should thank Cyrus, but Cyrus says he’ll settle for the benefit of the doubt.

Diane asks if all of Robert’s injuries are work related. He doesn’t have a scar or broken bone from something more pedestrian? He says, there was a scar after his cancer surgery, but he’s not letting her see it until she buys him dinner, or maybe vice versa. She tells him, don’t make her laugh. Point taken, and point made. He’s no stranger to brushes with death. Before this, the closest she came was a broken pinky toe sliding into third in elementary school. He says, she was a tomboy? and she says, not so loud. People think she’s classy. He says she gets brownie points because someone came after her with a hook; that never happened to him. She says, it’s not a thrill she recommends, and he says, he remembers the times he thought he was going to die. He felt very uncomfortable with that vulnerability. She says, perhaps that’s why they have empowering jobs, and he says, or perhaps they’re just as tough as old boot leather. She says, in any case, coming face-to-face with her mortality was sobering, and he says, we are not now that strength… She says, which in old days moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are; one equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. (Ulysses, Alfred Lord Tennyson)

Anna tells Dante, she was looking for Lucy on Pier 47, and heard two shots. They seemed to come from this direction, and she arrived on the scene a few minutes later. No one was there, and something caught her eye; the shoe. She can’t swear it’s Lucy’s, but it’s definitely her style. Dante says, back up. Why was she looking for Lucy in the first place? She says, she was worried for Lucy’s safety, and he says, why? It can’t be a coincidence that she and Victor were on the same dock. She says, it’s not. She believes Victor knew Lucy was going to be here, on Pier 55, not Pier 47, where she was informed Lucy would be. He says, informed by who? and asks if she thinks Victor had something to do with Lucy’s disappearance. She says she does. She can’t prove it, but yes. He says he trusts Anna’s gut. So assuming Lucy’s missing, why would Victor target her? She says, Lucy was working for her to get information out of Victor so she could take him down. Before Dante can say anything, she says she knows. She was trying to get Lucy to stop, but she refused. She called Lucy’s office to find out who she was, and they said she was going on a sunset cruse with Victor, leaving from Pier 47. She came to try and extract Lucy from the situation, but then she heard the shots, and came here, and found the shoe. He says, so she thinks Victor’s on to Lucy? and she says, an hour ago, she had no reason to think so, but now, she believes Victor found out somehow, and he’s done something about it.

Kristina tells Alexis, she knows. Why become a better manager when all she manages is a pub? Alexis says, Kristina’s job is important to her, and what’s important to Kristina, is important to Alexis. Kristina says, but it’s just a job, not a career, and Alexis admits that she’s sometimes questioned how Kristina goes about things, and Kristina says she’s not even going to pretend she doesn’t know why. Alexis says, but she sees Kristina being responsible and enthusiastic. She’s being recognized for doing a good job, and seems happy. Kristina says she is happy, and Alexis says, that’s what’s most important. She never wants Kristina to think she’s not proud of her. She’s so proud of Kristina.

Sonny tells Dex, he had the best working for him; dedicated, steadfast, but he’s gone now. Dex says he knows he can’t fill his shoes, but he’d like to try, and Sonny says, Dex kept his head, and came through for him. He needs a lieutenant he can trust. Dex says, he’s Sonny’s guy. He thinks he’s ready for a new challenge. Sonny asks if Dex can think of anything more important than protecting his family, and Dex says, no, sir.

Cyrus says he’d like to get to know Spencer better, but perhaps he’s asking too much. He starts to leave, but Spencer says, wait. This just arrived this morning. He picks up a book, and says, this is William Tyndale’s 1534 translation of the New Testament. Cyrus says, that’s the seminal version. It contains his prefaces and his notes. Spencer says he hasn’t logged it into the system yet. It’s Cyrus’s if he’d like it. Cyrus says, bless you, taking the book. Spencer says, it only seems fair; a book for a Book. Now he doesn’t owe Cyrus anything. Cyrus says, he never did.

Esme pounds on the bathroom door and yells, as Nikolas removes everything from the room. She says he can’t leave her locked in the bathroom, and he asks, who’s going to stop him? She says he’s made his point. She shouldn’t have tried to leave when he was just trying to help her. He says he’s clearing this room. She’s lost her privilege of luxury. For the sake of the baby, he won’t make her sleep on the floor, but she’ll have little else. She tells him, do this, and he’ll be sorry, and he says he’s already sorry. She screams, let me out!

Diane says she didn’t peg Robert as a lover of poetry, and he says, nice to know he has some surprises left. She says, it will be no surprise when he catches that killer, but please make it soon. He says he’s doing his best to make things safe for her, and gets up. He says he does like sparring with her in court, and she says, it’s going to be a while before they do that again. He says he guesses he’ll just have to come in here and spar, and she says she looks forward to it.

Victor says, he really does care for Nikolas, but he’s aware of Nikolas’s limitations. Frankly, she’s too much woman for him. She asks, what’s that supposed to mean? and he says, he thinks she knows, but he’ll spell it out for her. She’s full of life, vivacious, beguiling, a force of nature. He hates to see such a woman wasted on the wrong man. She says, not that it’s one iota of his business, but who pray tell, is the right man? He says, one who would repay her loyalty with devotion of his own, and she asks if he has someone in mind. He says, as the Americans say, he should stay in his own lane. Let it suffice to say, he does know the crushing disappointment of putting your trust in the wrong person. They both deserve better. She watches as he leaves.

The forensics team works at the pier, and Anna tells Dante, if Victor is onto Lucy, then he’s onto all of them. Which means this investigation is compromised, and Victor won’t be charged for his crimes. Dante says, she means Luke Spencer’s death, and she says she should have never done this. She should have never enlisted Lucy to work Victor. She was trying to keep Lucy safe. He says, for all they know, she still is, and Anna says, what are the odds of Lucy leaving a designer shoe on the docks willingly? They have to assume Victor has figured it out, and he’s dealt with her. They know what he’s capable of. Dante says, and they know Lucy, and know what she’s capable of. Lucy is relentless. If anyone can survive Victor, it’s her.

Lucy pulls herself out of the water, and onto a rocky shore, where she passes out.

Tomorrow, Martin asks if there’s any news about Lucy; Epiphany is holding Marshall personally responsible; Anna tells Victor that she’s making it her business to destroy him; and Willow sees something that makes her scream.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – The Reunion – Part 2

We jump right in because we were already there. Garcelle says she doesn’t hate Diana. She just wants to be left alone. She doesn’t want Diana posting about her and harassing her on social media. Diana says, Garcelle called her evil, and Andy asks if that wasn’t after Diana called Sutton the c-word. We see a clip of the after-show, where Garcelle calls Diana’s behavior evil, and Diana asks, what’s worse, calling someone the c-word or evil? LisaR says she calls herself the c-word, and finally we agree on something. The consensus is that evil is worse, because this is bizarro world where everything is topsy-turvy. Andy asks if Sutton needs to say anything to Diana, or clear anything up, but Sutton says she’s clear on their non-relationship. Diana says she’s disappointed and hurt about Garcelle, and Garcelle laughs, saying, it’s always her. Diana says, no one in the group would go after Garcelle’s sweetheart son, and Garcelle is stone-faced, which she is throughout a lot of this show. It totally beats all the weird faces the rest of them keep making. Andy says, Diana filed a lawsuit to force the revelation of who’s behind the bots. Andy asks who it’s filed against, and Diana says, John Doe. Andy asks, whose job is it to uncover the name? and Diana says, her lawyers are going to be busy. Which means it’s them? Andy asks Garcelle’s reaction to the lawsuit, and she says, good. Erika says, Diana has good intentions good. Garcelle is hurt. Garcelle says, she’s hurt, but she’s not putting things on social media about Diana, and Andy asks, what kind of stuff is Diana posting? Garcelle says, she doesn’t want to fuel it anymore; she’s good. Andy thanks Diana for rallying to join them, and it’s goodbye. Several cast members hope to God they’re breaking for lunch. Behind the scenes, LisaR picks at an energy bar, and says, it’s sad. The bot thing causes division in the group. She and Erika agree that’s the reason behind it. Sutton hangs out with Garcelle, who points out that Sutton’s socks have her dog Waylon on them. Sutton says, Garcelle did great with Jax talk, and Garcelle says she’s not going to stop until she knows who bought the bots. She’s glad Sutton and Crystal have been able to move on, and Sutton says, it was nice to see some support. In another dressing room, Dorit tells Kyle that Crystal is struggling to admit she wasn’t telling the truth to cover her ass. We flash back to Kyle saying, there was no real dark story, and Kyle says, if you don’t tell the truth, you can’t keep your story straight.

Andy welcomes us back, even though we haven’t gone anywhere. They talk about Kyle’s tattoos, all of which are boring because Kyle is boring. Andy says, for 12 seasons, Kyle has shared her life, which has gotten more fabulous with each season. We flash back over Kyle’s most recent season, and not all of it is boring. Some of it is stupid. Andy asks if Farrah has set a date, and Kyle says, not yet, but they want to get married in La Quinta. Andy says, the bride’s family foots the bill. He assumes they’ll spare no expense. Kyle says, Farrah doesn’t want anything over-the-top, but it’s their first, and they have to go as big as Portia’s Bat Mitzvah. We see a clip of that, and Andy moves on to rumors of Dorit cheating with Mauricio. Apparently, viewers read something into a three-way hug between PK, Mauricio, and Dorit. We see a clip of it, and the thought of it being anything other than what it is, is stupid beyond belief. Erika says, when she was at the World Cup in Berlin, a guy asked if she and her friend were in porn, and his name was Paul Kemsley. Dorit says, he was being an ass, but Erika says he was just being his sassy self. Andy says, Garcelle’s hustle never stopped. She had a book come out, bought a beach house, and a Birkin. Mazel. We flash back to the Birkin party, my favorite line being, does it come with money in it? Andy asks, who owns one? and everyone except Erika raises their hand, and she says, it’s not her thing. Andy says, Garcelle’s book has a chapter on Bill Cosby, and she says, he called her modeling agency, and asked for number. They asked her, and at the time, he was huge. She’d just turned 18, and got a small part on his show. He invited her to his townhouse to work on her acting, and gave her some Sambuca. She took a sip, and it didn’t feel right being there, so she ran. The name of the chapter is, Listening to Your Gut. Andy asks if Erika skimmed Garcelle’s book before chucking it in trash, and we see the post with it in the garbage. LisaR says she was the one who threw it in the trash.

LisaR says, she and Garcelle had a handshake agreement; the kids were off limits. Garcelle mentioned Amelia in the book, and not in a positive light. It turns out to be just a rehash of a moment on the show where Garcelle asked if LisaR thought her body image affected her daughter. LisaR says, it didn’t have to be in the book, and Garcelle says, LisaR read it, and the next thing she knew, LisaR’s lawyer called her manager. LisaR says, then it got hot and heated, and Garcelle says, it was a week until publication, and they decided to print a second edition where the reference was removed. LisaR says she was good with that, and had only sent the video to the group chat. One that Garcelle is not privy to, but Erika chose to post it. Erika says, Garcelle also used her remark about Erika not needing her to make herself look bad to promote the book. She’d posted the clip on Instagram, and said, another way to make yourself look bad is not buy her book. There’s a big discussion on recycling, which apparently was an issue after this staged photo was posted. Andy says, even LVP weighed in, saying Garcelle should have sent Erika a scratch and sniff book so she’d understand, which I think is pretty funny. Erika gives a nasty retort that I’m not breathing life into. Andy brings up Oliver working for LVP in Las Vegas, and Garcelle says, LVP was having an event for Haiti, and she was invited. It was the first time they met, and she knew Oliver was looking for a job. Andy asks how recently Garcelle saw LVP, and she says, pretty recently. We see the headline about them filming together, and LisaR says, wow, like this is some betrayal. They take a break, and talk more about recycling.

Once again, we’re welcomed back, and Andy says, Lois was beloved by family, friends, and fans, but LisaR’s anger took over. Was it excusable or out of line? We see clips of Lois, LisaR talking about Lois’s death, the group cheersing Lois, then on to the anger. We see Sutton’s interview, where she said, it would take an exorcism to get the soap actress out. We flash back to LisaR’s breakdown, and the poor strangers at the table. Andy asks how it’s been, and LisaR says, it’s hard to come do the show, and maybe it would have been better if she’d taken time off. She’s done the best she can, and she’s sorry for being a crazy maniac, screaming, and doing what she did. Andy says, there was a memorial in July, and LisaR says, waiting to put Lois to rest was difficult, but Lois had asked them to wait until the summer. She left a lipstick print on Lois’s urn. They talk about Lois’s belongings, and a viewer wonders if LisaR is using others as a scapegoat for her grief. LisaR babbles that she’s never been so all over the place, and Andy asks if she’s talking to a therapist. She says she has from the beginning, which is worrisome. Erika says, they’ve talked privately, and it’s hard for LisaR. Andy asks what Lois made of LisaR on the show, and LisaR says, she never judged. She never made LisaR feel bad or less than. I wonder, then why does LisaR dishonor her by doing that to other people?

Andy asks if Sutton’s clumsiness is an asset or liability, and we flash back to Sutton’s awkwardness throughout the season, and LisaR and Erika talking about Sutton. A viewer suggests that Sutton reacted differently to Dorit’s home invasion because of her past, and her father committing suicide. Kyle says, it felt flippant, and Sutton says, it’s the worst thing she’s ever said in her life, and she’ll regret it until the day she dies. Dorit tells Sutton that it feels like that’s what she needed, and they’re good. A viewer says, Kyle got so physical with Sutton at Garcelle’s party, but she didn’t like it when Brandi shoved her down the stairs. We flash back to that, and it’s still good for a laugh. The surprise on Kyle’s face is priceless. Kyle says, the two things are very different, which they always are when it’s her. She says she didn’t hurt Sutton, but Sutton says, Kyle pulled on her aggressively, and immediately went to Diana’s side. Andy says, Kyle doubted Sutton’s miscarriages, and Kyle apologizes. Andy asks if Sutton was making it about herself or relating, and Kyle says, she gets now that Sutton was trying to relate. Andy asks Garcelle if Sutton makes things about herself, and Garcelle says, if she’s being honest, a little bit. Andy asks Erika why she considers Sutton a liability, and Erika says, she obstructs them getting to know Garcelle. Sutton wonders if the same can’t be said for everyone, and Andy asks if Erika is a liability to LisaR. Garcelle says, she never hustled Sutton out of a party to protect her, and we flash back to LisaR shoving Erika toward the door at some party, I forget which one. Erika says, we’re all different, hooray, and I have no idea how this applies. Crystal says, the others protect each other more than they claim Garcelle and Sutton do. We go over the sauce and the Elton John thing for the billionth time. A viewer suggests that Sutton does not want LisaR as a friend, and Sutton says, LisaR has shown that she hates her. LisaR says she doesn’t hate anyone, but Andy says, Sutton was a bit of a punching bag for her. LisaR says, Sutton pisses her off, and Sutton says, even after filming, LisaR came after her on social media. LisaR goes back to her tired excuse of, she had a rough season, and Sutton says, LisaR didn’t do it to anyone else but her. She doesn’t consider LisaR a friend; how can she? Viewer Andrea from San Francisco says that LisaR’s behavior toward Sutton at the wine tasting was disgusting, especially after accepting Sutton’s apology. Andy says, LisaR and Sutton’s lunch was fun, and we flash back to that. Sutton says she talked to LisaR during the time Lois was in hospice, so when she was getting yelled at repeatedly, she kept thinking, did LisaR not remember? She was a  good steady friend, and turned into a dead horse. She was giving glue to every elementary school in L.A. She needs an apology. LisaR says she’s sorry, and Sutton says, it was a pattern. LisaR says she’s sorry she took her pain, anger, sadness, and fear out on Sutton. Dorit says she doesn’t get the glue analogy, and it has to be explained that they make glue out of horse’s hooves.

Andy says he’s spoken to LisaR privately, and said her social media is disastrous. She has no impulse control, and makes trouble for herself with posts she later deletes. Dorit says, it’s like getting a thrill for people with no impulse control, and Andy says, even if it’s negative? LisaR says she doesn’t like the negative, but yes. Andy says, she posts sh*t, and he’s like, what is she doing? She blaming production for the bots. LisaR says, she was expressing stuff, and Andy says, production was upset. She says she doesn’t always think it’s bad when she’s doing it. She’s a work in progress. I hate that phrase because it sounds like what it is, an excuse, and Andy says, it’s in her control. She says she knows that; give her a chance. He asks if she’s had any thoughts about giving social media up for a time, and she says she tried. A viewer says she needs to be put on pause, and LisaR says, put her on pause. She doesn’t care. She sips her drink with her Creature of the Black Lagoon lips, and Andy says, there was a post she deleted that said, when they fight with Garcelle, they’re called racists. I’m not afraid of you ho’s. LisaR says, she was talking to the trolls and haters, and Garcelle says, sometimes what is said is perceived differently when comes to them. It  could have undertones that are racist or microaggressions. Crystal says, that’s how she felt about the Sutton conversation. It wasn’t Sutton’s original intention, but it’s how she felt. Kyle says, this is different, and Crystal says, Kyle has to stop. Kyle says, Crystal said something was real that didn’t exist. Garcelle says, people don’t realize the impact, and Crystal tells Kyle to stop making it about how she experiences it. It’s her truth. Kyle doesn’t understand it, and never will. She doesn’t want to get in trouble. Andy says he thinks Kyle and Crystal are talking about two different things, and Dorit ends this nonsense by asking if anyone feels anyone in the group is racist. It’s a hard no from everyone, and Dorit says, they have a lot to learn. Erika says, things are changing, and it’s subtle, yet the consequences are big.

Andy tells them, what’s going to happen is, they’re going to do one more package, take a break, then bring Kathy out. Everyone suddenly needs a drink, and a limo pulls up outside. Kyle asks where Kathy is sitting, and Andy says, next to him. Kyle can’t believe she’s having coffee at this hour, and says, she’s f***ed. Kathy gets out of the limo in her PJs, robe, and slippers. Inside, LisaR paces, babbling about the truth. In her dressing room, Kathy says she brought her tequila.

Next time, the conclusion. Thank you God. LisaR talks about being traumatized; Erika doesn’t talk about the earrings because it’s on appeal for legal reasons; Kathy’s big entrance; Kathy says LisaR said, I get it. You’re preaching to the choir; and Kyle says, the only one that gets hurt is her.

🚤 I was watching Andy’s Mystery Door panel at BravoCon on Watch What Happens Live, and Captain Lee looked obviously uncomfortable. Like if he could disappear, he would. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look so uncomfortable. I guess it helps pay the bills. It all looks chaotic, and makes me glad I wasn’t there.

🧳 Packing It In…

Drop by tomorrow for soap and possible smack talk about Winter House. Until then, stay safe, stay remembering it ain’t over ‘til it’s over, and stay not mistaking bluster for power. Real power is much quieter.