Author Archives: theresakp

Nov9

November 8, 2015 – Once Upon the Dead in Atlanta

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

Dark Emma brings the dagger to the rest of Excalibur. Rumpelstiltskin pops out, acting all merry, and puts some fairy dust or whatever on the sword.

Merlin is running through a desert with some guy and they see a chalice with water in it. The guy is like, I’ll go first because I’m thirstier than you, but when he touches it, he disappears, poof! in a cloud of smoke. Merlin is more humble in his approach and is able to quench his thirst. Everything around him turns green and he knows the chalice is the magical Holy Grail.

In Storybrooke, everyone is hanging out at the diner in Medieval wear. Merlin asks them to get the sword. He says blah-blah-blah about love and suddenly we’re back 200 years ago. A girl is there to see him. Her name is Nimue, and she’s seeking revenge on an evil being who ransacked her town. She’d seen him coming and she ran. She’s brought some seeds and says her best revenge would be to plant some flowers that grow only in her town, and for the flowers to live on. This is the stupidest revenge plot I’ve ever heard of. She plants the seeds in a container, Merlin goes bibbidy-bobbidy-boo and the flowers spring up.

Nowadays Merlin tells Emma they need some kind of spark and he wants her to help him get it. This isn’t a euphemism for anything. They really need to hunt down a literal spark. He says he sees two paths for their journey, in one she resists darkness and they’re successful; in the other, she succumbs to darkness and he dies.

There’s some mushy stuff between Emma and Hook, but I miss most of it because I was out of the room. I guess Nimue stuck around because Merlin is telling her all about how he found the Holy Grail. Any mention of holy and grail in the same sentence always makes me think of Monty Python, and ever since the Camelotites landed, I’ve been waiting for the Knights Who Say Ni to show up. Merlin wants to refashion the grail into a sword. Nimue is impressed that he doesn’t want to use the grail for his own gain, so Merlin makes a ring out of a leaf for her. Okay, all this magic and a Holy Grail and everything, and he gives her a ring made out of a leaf? Cheapskate.

Back in the diner, Zelena offers a trade. She knows how to get to the sword if she can have her magic back. She leads them to a crypt. Or it could be a fancy root cellar. Regina says if they get in and out with the sword, they’ll talk about the magic thing.

Arthur is stirring a cauldron and acting like a paranoid weirdo. He pours something from the cauldron over a helmet and it dissolves. He tells his lackeys to go pour it over everyone. Nice. If I were Gwinivere, I’d be looking for the nearest exit.

Merlin asks Emma if she’s embraced her powers and she says she’s done some dark things lately. But she figures if she’s questioning it, she must still have a conscience.

Merlin and Nimue go back to where her village was. He thinks she has survivor’s remorse, but she says she’s just angry. She says if she had his magic, she’d be all over the place doling out vigilante justice. Whoa. What happened to planting the flowers being enough? Merlin sees someone bad headed for his village and Nimue tells him to just hit the bad dude with a lightning bolt. He says he can’t because darkness might overtake him. What’s the point in having magic if you can’t zap people once in a while? For the greater good of course.

Zelena ugly cries about her sister being the favorite and how she’s worried about her baby. Enough to cause Snow concern, but once she gets close, Zelena kicks her across the lawn and escapes.

Merlin takes the grail to a fireplace in the middle of the woods. The fire consumes the grail, Merlin goes hocus pocus and it turns into Excalibur. Some creepy dude comes up behind them and wants the sword. Creepy Dude grabs Nimue and stabs her. She dies in Merlin’s arms.

Merlin tells Emma that Creepy Dude stole the flame that consumed the grail. She’s supposed to take the dagger and ask to communicate with the first dark one. The ancient dark one pops in and it’s not a dude, it’s a dudette. It’s Nimue! Back in the day while Creepy Dude is yapping at Merlin, Nimue (not really dead) steals his heart. (That phrase is always meant literally when used in regard to this show.) Oooh, she crushes it to dust. All righty then. She turns into the first dark one and breaks the sword.

Nimue is like, cool, the first and most recent dark ones, together on stage for the first time. Nimue zaps Merlin. She says any threat must be destroyed and that includes him. She tells Emma she has to kill Merlin. Emma is like no way, and uses the dagger to get the better of Nimue, who says she’ll always be inside Emma & disappears, poof! No smoke though. Merlin explains to Emma that he was able to put the sword in the stone and Nimue’s soul in the dagger.

Regina and the gang head to the round table, where Arthur is messing around with the sword. Regina puts him in freeze frame and says to get the sword. David is worried about a protection spell, but Regina says Arthur has no magic. Cue Zelena, who has Snow captive. Arthur uses the sword to summon Merlin. Merlin and Arthur have a pissing contest with words. Merlin tells Arthur the future is in his hands and to hand over the sword so they can use it for good. Arthur is like nuh-uh, and makes everyone else leave.

Nimue has hooked up with Rumpel, and they encourage Dark Emma to put the sword back together. There is a crowd of minions chanting. Not those little yellow guys, but creepy hooded figures. Dark Emma gets the sword back together using magic chewing gum., but she hears Merlin’s voice telling her not to do it back when she was a little girl. The minions tell her to take the power. She looks the sword over.

Oh good, next week Merida’s back. I’ve never seen Brave, but I kind of missed her.

The Walking Dead

Deanna climbs to a rooftop and watches the Alexandria clean up. She seems pretty freaked out, probably because she really didn’t know the first thing about being a post-apocalyptic leader. She sees Rick running toward the gate with loads and loads of zombies behind him. How she gets to street level as fast as she does, I will never know. Is this a daydream?

Nope. Rick is inside and already giving a lecture. He always has to scold everyone before he gives instructions. He says the others on the quarry mission know what they’re doing and the Alexandrians have to do their part and keep real freaking quiet so the zombies go away. Aaron goes on all about how Rick is a loser, then admits that he – Aaron, not Rick — is the jerk who led the Wolfs to Alexandria. I have no idea what he’s trying to say here. They’re all screw ups?

Jessie is digging graves when Rick tells her they don’t bury killers inside the walls. So they’ll just leave the bodies sit and stink until the zombies finally go away? Not a plan.

A small crowd is gathered by the food supply area. They don’t want to ration because they figure they’re dead anyway. They want to whoop it up on those canned peaches and green beans. Spencer gives them a what-do-you-think-you’re-doing? talk, and makes it okay again.

A few of the Alexandrians are making a memorial wall. Aaron sees Glenn’s name on it, and sees Maggie off and running. She’s gearing up for a rescue mission and Aaron says he’s going to help.

Deanna is pondering her wedding ring. She starts making a plan for a garden and some expansion, but maybe there’s more to it than that. Upstairs, she hears Spencer break a glass. He’s been hitting a bottle of liquor he swiped from the pantry, saying that he deserves it after stopping a run on the food. He blames Deanna for the position they’re in, saying she didn’t know what she was doing and made them into wimps.

Carl asks Ron if he’s seen Enid. He wants Ron’s help to climb over the wall and go find her. Ron says that he told her not to go out there, and he’s not going to let Carl go. I have to agree that now is probably not the best time with 10,000 zombies out there. Carl punches Ron out, but Ron says nyah-nyah, he’s going to tell.

Jessie goes to the door of a house and a zombie scares the ever-lovin’ hell out of all of us. She opens the door and stabs it in the eye. She tells the small group who has gathered, that this is the way it goes now and if they don’t fight, they die. The new normal.

Aaron shows Maggie a way to go under the wall. They go through a sewer tunnel and a couple of sewage zombies come out of nowhere. One almost eats Maggie and Aaron dispatches them. Maggie tells him he should go back because a cut on his head needs stitches, but he’s all like, it’s nothing, pay no attention to that blood dripping down my face.

Shrink turned medical doctor, Denise, is trying to help a bite victim. She has a eureka-I-found-it moment.

Rick can’t get ahold of any of the others who were on the quarry mission. Ron tells Rick about stopping Carl from leaving. Rick wants to check on Carl, and Ron says he’ll watch for the others while Rick is gone. He also wants to learn to shoot and RIck hands him a gun and says, practice now.

Tara asks how the bitten guy is and Denise responds by giving her a big kiss on the mouth, singing It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine), and saying it sucks. I have no clue what the kiss was all about, if anything, I have even less of a clue about what happened in the infirmary.

Maggie and Aaron get to the end of the pipe where there’s a gate. There are zombies outside, and Aaron wants to chance it, but Maggie makes a stink, drawing the zombies’ attention. She says it’s over and that if she’d gone with Glenn, she might have been able to save him; but if he was alive, she thinks he would have let her know by now. Really? How? I believe he’s dead, but for argument’s sake, if he wasn’t, how is he supposed to call?

Amy’s son, Sam, won’t come downstairs for cookies, so something is definitely wrong. He says that the world didn’t change upstairs. That’s a very poignant point.

Deanna is on her way somewhere with tray of glass bottles, gets a zombie surprise and drops the tray. Picking up a broken bottle, she attacks the zombie like a contestant on Bad Girls Club. Rick comes along and tells her she can stop now and she says she wants to live and learn how to cut a zombie bitch.

Maggie takes Glenn’s name off the wall. Aaron tells her that Aaron can be a girl’s name too, depending on how it’s spelled. Apparently, Maggie is pregnant, but I blinked and missed that part. Spencer gets props for something brave he did and contemplates his new bad assness. Rick says something to Jessie about not wanting to bury the bodies because the others are still out there somewhere and I don’t get the connection. He and Jessie get romantic and I gag.

Deanna is getting awfully close to the fence and taunting the zombies. Bad zombies!

We end with seeing blood dripping down on the inside of one of the walls.

Do the actors on this show go home all depressed or do they just head straight for the bar?

The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kandi is pregnant. Excitement abounds for the Burusses!

Portia comes by to visit Phaedra, and they’re both wearing outfits from the late 70s. Phaedra says they’re bestest friends now because Portia has been “a rock” for her. More like Portia has rocks in her head and we’ll see how long this lasts. Phaedra says she and Apollo are “cordial,” which I assume means she’s going to divorce him any minute now. Portia is dating a 24-year-old, which is about 10 years older than her age mentally, but there are laws to consider.

Cynthia says since the new opening of whatever venture Peter is getting into now, they only spend 3 days a week together. That’s 3 days a week more than I’d want to spend with him. Some kind of inappropriate something from Peter comes through on Phaedra’s phone.

It’s a video of Peter copping a feel that’s making the rounds. Cynthia tells Peter he’s embarrassing her and he doesn’t care. Did she really think he would? He’s saying it’s not what it looks like (ugh! thanks for being cliché) and tries to end the conversation, but Cynthia isn’t having it. She tells him he needs to think about what he’s done and puts him in time out with a bottle of wine.

Portia’s new squeeze, Duke, has flown in from Buffalo where he plays football. Portia says he’s really into her and wants to get to know her. If she wants to keep him, she probably shouldn’t let that happen. She feeds him chocolate covered strawberries and it’s one of the least romantic things I’ve ever seen. She wants him to meet her parents. Let’s just review, shall we? This is the same woman whose grandfather was a big name in the Civil Rights Movement, but thought the Underground Railroad was a real train. Unless you want to spend endless time pampering a pseudo princess who has no IQ whatsoever, Portia is not for you.

Commercial break. Brooks Ayers interview by Andy. Thursday at 9. Be there or be square. Unless, unlike me, you have a life.

Kenya is showing Cynthia her new home in Atlanta. Sheree Whitfield (is she still using that last name?) is one of her neighbors and back on the show. They drive past her house, which looks like an amazing little castle, but not quite finished. Kenya’s house looks like some kind of dilapidated fortress. She got it at foreclosure and it needs a lot of work. The property is gorgeous though. The Million Dollar Listing guys would definitely call this a tear down. What happened to Gone with the Wind fabulous?

Phaedra says Apollo has a lot of time to get on her nerves – even from prison. Ha-ha! I’ll bet. Kandi and Todd have been storing his stuff. Todd says that Apollo claims to have not seen the kids since he went into the slammer, which isn’t how Phaedra has been presenting things. My guess is that Phaedra makes it up as she goes along. Something is so off about her. She was supposed to release a workout DVD that Todd produced, and so far, no DVD and no paycheck either. Todd wants Kandi to discuss it with her and neither Kandi nor I think that’s appropriate.

Phaedra’s mother kisses her angel daughter’s behind and says everything’s good because it’s peaceful without jerkface Apollo. Mom is pushing her to get a divorce. I don’t know why she hasn’t gotten one already. She checked out of that marriage the second she knew he was going to prison.

Cynthia has a new eyewear line going on, and Portia is hoping to score free shades. She says she likes when a woman has a business to focus on because then she’s not in your business. That’s actually pretty clever, so I figure she read it on a cereal box. Phaedra calls the group “the shady bunch.” I’d never accuse her of not being witty or lacking intelligence, but I’d never, ever trust her with anything.

That weird Marlo chick is there and hoping to score a free pair of sunglasses in every design. Kenya and Marlo are talking about Sheree’s unfinished house, which has been unfinished for 3 years. The neighbors are starting to complain. I laugh, thinking about how long it takes real estate projects to be completed where I live. That’s nothing.

Peter finally shows up. Blech. I just don’t like him. Kenya seems to think he has something on the side. I don’t know about that, but he definitely has himself on the side, and every other angle, since that’s all he cares about. He and Kenya exchange words about his guilty ways. The worst thing about him is how he gets so involved with the gossip like he’s one of the Wives, but I don’t see him holding a peach in the group shots. He also tends to get right in their faces, which is not cool for a man to do.

Everyone’s wondering where Cynthia is, when she makes a grand entrance in a Cleopatra-type outfit and a pair of the glasses. I am a sunglasses freak and totally support this endeavor. Cynthia is looking for Peter (why?).

Sheree makes an appearance. She’s all good friends with Marlo, which makes Phaedra and I wonder what happened, since that wasn’t the case the last time they crossed paths. Kenya asks Sheree what’s up with her house, and tells her that the neighbors have been complaining about how long it’s taking to complete. Again, if that’s really the case, they should live here for a while. They go back and forth, and Cynthia is like, stop it, this night is about me. Sheree gets louder and starts attracting attention. Cynthia tells her, enough already….

And it’s to be continued.

Tootie arrives next week!

Nov7

November 6, 2015 – Almost Jason, Roswell & Some Returns

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

It’s almost time and I’m already feeling that let down you get when the party is over and the guests go home. I’ve watched this storyline like some men watch a football game.

Doc is referring Anna to another therapist.

Ava shows up at Paul’s office with a gift for him. A blah-blah-blah, whatever artist it was both he and Tracy were looking for the other night. I’m guessing he’s the big gun she’s going to switch for Scotty. Ric says pretty much nothing to Sonny.

Come on, let’s get to the wedding.

Felix is having to deal with the boys (I mean the real boys) and Epiphany comes to take over. That’s what she’s best at, taking over. Michael says to Sabrrrina he’s glad their baby will have both his parents. Right now Sabrrrina’s wishing she’d never slept with Carrrlos, and I’m hoping with the tiniest hope that he’s not dead. Could happen. Nicholas is looking for Hayden. Michael wonders why he brought such a despicable woman there. Like Nicholas is any better, since he stole Michael’s company.

Jason thinks Carly is out of her mind, but she’s so overwhelmed with feelings, that she’s not really explaining. He says he’s not Jason, and she says yes, he is, and she’s got proof. If that laptop is okay, I want to know what brand it is.

Elizabeth asks Hayden why she’s there. She plays around with Elizabeth a little, saying things like “you know why,” and then says she’s there to wish Elizabeth every happiness.

Patrick hadn’t known Sabrrrina was pregnant. Really? I guess he hasn’t seen her in a while. Patrick wishes her and Michael well. I’d forgotten they were engaged at one point.

Anna doesn’t want to switch shrinks, but Doc says objectivity is key here and Dr. Whatshisname is new. He’s also pretty good looking. It’s Dr. Andre. I thought it might be, but then I thought I misheard because I once had a medical Dr. Andre.

Ava tells Paul that the hearing was moved. Paul says If the governor was involved, he can’t get involved. There goes that idea. Ric says it would be better if Carly came to the hearing. Gee, he might have thought of that before, doncha think?

Carly shows Jake the laptop and shows him his face changing. Not only is the laptop okay, the program works perfectly. He says it’s unsettling, but it must be a glitch in the program. She says she has paperwork, and he gets it from the car. It’s the DNA test and it says right there, JAKE DOE IS JASON MORGAN. For some reason Jason doesn’t want to believe he’s Jason. He says to Carly that Jason is dead and she needs to let him go. He so desperately doesn’t want to be Jason, I would think he knew all along, but I can’t imagine he’d have allowed Spinelli to get involved if he didn’t really want an answer.

Anna tells Dr. Andre about Duke’s death. She tells him she saw a man she has reason to believe is dead, so it must have been a hallucination. She tells him she couldn’t sleep and Doc prescribed anxiety meds.

Nicolas switches places with Hayden in Elizabeth’s dressing room. Elizabeth asks Nicholas why he brought her, and he says he really didn’t want to come by himself. (Um…he could have brought Spencer. Obviously there are kids allowed.) They talk about what good friends they are and all they’ve been through and how many lies they’ve told. Okay, not that last one. He says they deserve some good times.  He says not she has the opportunity to be with NuJason (he actually says “new Jason”) and they hug. Blech. Let me at those rainbows and unicorns.

Hayden runs into Patrick. She tells him her memory seems to be coming back all on its own. Sam who was passing by and couldn’t help but hear, asks if that means Jake’s identity too. Hayden says you never know, and I rub my hands in glee.

Sonny gets Michael on the phone. He hasn’t seen Carly either. Michael decides to help Sonny out and foregoes the wedding. How long do they think the ceremony will take? He tells Sabrrrina to stay and have Carly call him when she gets there.

Carly lists all the similarities between Jake and Jason. She doesn’t understand why he’s fighting it. Jason is pissed because nothing seemed familiar. Carly says everything was familiar. Spinelli thinking it was him, Elizabeth latching on to him, even her own trust in him. (And how about that old lady from the Lucky Buddha or whatever that restaurant was? And Sonny?) Jason says she just feels that way because she loved Jason and lost him. He says his name is Jake (stop it, Jason!). He says if he was Jason, he’d remember and he doesn’t, so, nyah-nyah, he rejects the DNA test. Nice try.

Sonny asks for Morgan to testify too. Ric thinks he’s making a mistake with that one, and I’d like to make a smart remark, but I can barely pay attention. Ava says Paul agreed to help her and owes it to her. He says the only reason she isn’t rotting in prison is because of him. She’s going to leave with the painting, but he says hold on there a minute, and says he’ll give her the strategy to beat Sonny. The painting must be better than I think it is.

Anna tells Dr. Andre that she’s seeing Carrrlos. He asks why and she says isn’t he supposed to tell her that? He says it might have something to do with guilt. She doesn’t get why she’s supposed to feel guilty or at least that’s what she says to the doctor. She says some other nonsense about Duke’s death and loving him.

Carly tells Jason the last thing she thought was that they’d have a fight when she found him. He say did she think they’d go get a beer and relive old times? Carly says he’s been waiting a year for this info so what gives? He’s all la-la-la I refuse to believe it. She says he’s always been true to himself and that he must be scared of something.

Sonny says he’d kill anyone who hurt his children. That’s probably not a good thing to say at the hearing.

The natives are getting restless because Jake and Carly aren’t there. The kids were told that when Hear Comes the Bride plays, the wedding starts, so when that music from Ordinary People starts playing, they go get Elizabeth. She talks to Patrick and is all panicked because Jake isn’t there and she knows damn well he shouldn’t be. Sam texts him, Where are you?

Jason is still screaming at Carly that he’s not Jason. She brings up how he was working for Helena. He says he can’t be Jason because he doesn’t feel it. He says even looking at his face changing on the laptop, he feels nothing. She says DNA doesn’t lie. He says maybe it’s true; he can see it, but he doesn’t feel it. So what is he supposed to do now? Carly tells him he has to cancel the wedding. He’s still married to Sam. Oh boy! Oh boy!

Anna tells the doctor he’s been helpful and she’ll be going now. Not so fast, says Dr. Andre. He knows she’s lying and tells her to come back when she’s ready to be honest, but he’s not refilling her meds. She complains to Doc about Andre on her way out.

I don’t know what Paul told Ava, but she’s happy about it. He tells her that if she wasn’t being so emotional she could have thought of it on her own. He also tells her how beautiful she is. Ava says he can keep the painting and that if all goes well, she’ll have to find another way to repay him. He grabs her, dips and kisses her. As Anna peeks through the door. Shame on you, Anna!

Oddly enough, Carly’s phone has been abandoned at the accident scene, so the 50 people trying to call her get nowhere. Sabrrrina throws a red herring in by saying Carly might be at the courthouse. Epiphany decides to take the boys for ice cream with Felix. Oh, okay, while they’re waiting for the wedding to start? I would think Epiphany would know better than that. Elizabeth knows something is wrong and Carly ain’t at the courthouse. Sam says she just got a text from Jake. I doubt it says that he’s Jason.

He says he’s on his way. Elizabeth says she feels silly, that Jake probably did drop Carly off. Elizabeth is going to make an announcement about the delay, and I’m hoping Hayden has an announcement of her own. Just as Elizabeth says the groom is running late…

…Jason walks in with Carly.

Z Nation

We’re in Roswell. Two people are running down a road and one gets zapped and sliced in pieces by what looks like a beam from an alien spaceship.

Cut to Operation Bite Mark, traveling by Jeep. Something is watching them. They see a zombie chopped in several pieces, moving around (the victim of the spaceship?) and give it mercy. 10K talks about mutilated cattle and how he knows all about aliens from an uncle. Doc suggests he’s been smoking z-weed or needs to. Murphy says if there were aliens, they would have been repulsed by the human race a long time ago. Hey, that’s my theory. Some garbled dialogue comes through the radio and it sounds like, what else? Aliens. They see a Close Encounters type light in the distance that disappears.

Roberta talks about her father being an air force pilot and believing in aliens and he was a no nonsense kind of guy. Murphy isn’t having any, but Doc says that UFOs are more believable than someone flying a jet after the apocalypse. OBM finds a crash site down the road. It’s been there a while and Roberta says it probably crashed when everything went to hell in a hand basket. OBM picks off several zombies that come out of nowhere.

Cool! They drive up to a little fast food place that looks like a spaceship. A guy with a clipboard pops out and asks if they’re here for the visitors. He’s one of a group of “extronauts” who have been invited, not abducted. He says the aliens are coming to save them from the apocalypse, and they must be part of the chosen. He explains that the aliens communicate through one of their group, Bernadette, but they’ve all seen the lights.

He leads them to a small crowd out back. Bernadette emerges and says they’ve been waiting for the strangers to arrive, and among them is the one the aliens have been waiting for, an emissary. In case there’s any doubt, that would be Murphy.

OBM sits down for some food. A guy who introduces himself as Dan Scully, but reminds me of Max Headroom, sits down at their table. He says he was just passing through and these people are all crazy. He says what’s really going on is the aliens aren’t coming because they’re already here and are the ones who caused the zombie virus. Murphy says he’s crazy, and Dan says crazy stays alive. The look on Doc’s face says he agrees with that. Dan suggests they leave before the zombie aliens come back.

Dan leaves and Bernadette joins their table. She says the aliens prefer the term “visitors,” and I wonder if that’s an homage to V. Bernadette wants to take them to an abandoned air force base.

They drive to the base. Bernadette says that the zombies won’t bother her, but apparently they haven’t gotten the memo because OBM have to give mercy to several. Behind a hangar is a landing strip that Bernadette has prepared for the aliens. She tells OBM that the voices told her only to bring the emissary. Roberta asks how long she’s been in contact with them. We go back to the beginning where she was the one running on the road. They take a break in a small office and Bernadette keeps insisting that Doc get some gum from the vending machine. Both Addy and Roberta notice everything is nailed down or magnetized, and Bernadette has put on a seatbelt. As Doc pulls the knob for the gum, the building starts rocking like Dorothy’s house in Wizard of Oz and begins to descend. It’s an elevator.

After reaching the bottom, they follow one of the tunnels, finding something like a mini version of the alien from Alien. Murphy isn’t liking it and OBM shoots at it. 10K gets it in the head. They almost examine the body, but hear a sound like a bomb about to go off and take cover. The zombie alien explodes, and Doc says that he’s wearing paper jumpsuit during the next apocalypse. Everything does seem to be pretty messy.

They go into a room with some kind of interactive hologram thing. Addy knows the program and starts messing with it. Addy stays with the holograms and Doc, hoping to make contact with someone. The others go back to where the alien exploded. Murphy is wondering why everything is mostly in English. Addy says maybe this is based on our old internet. Addy then gets to pictures and info about Bernadette,  the members of OBM, and a whole lot about Murphy.

Bernadette and OBM follow some lights until they get to another zombie alien or alien zombie or whatever these things are. Bernadette is like they come in peace, but no, they don’t. And they’re hard to kill because it’s like they’re wearing armor. Oh thank you. One just grabbed Bernadette. I got tired of her  harping on how wonderful they were.

The others find some alien weapons, and 10K takes one after affirming it works by blowing off a zombie’s head. Roberta, Vasquez and 10K end up back at the runway. The entire city is lit up and Bernadette is in an alien beam. The spaceship comes flying around and puts a spotlight on Murphy. He starts to follow it. 10K shoots at the ship with the weird gun, but it shoots back and he drops the gun. Doc yells to Murphy not to go, that they’re going to probe him and not in a good way. Roberta picks up the gun and gets the saucer. It flies away, and Murphy comes out of his trance. The ship crashes and there are a lot of pretty colored explosions.

They all go to the crash site, and find an alien. They remove its helmet and it’s Dan Scully. This is like Scoobie Doo. You darn kids! Dan says there are no aliens and he was going to tell Bernadette the truth when she got on board. The others were test pilot zombies. He’d been recruited to salvage any technology there, but wanted to bring Bernadette back with him, dragging Murphy into the story just for fun. She’s like, why didn’t you just ask me? Too late, he dies and Roberta has to give him mercy. This was all a pretty complicated way just to get a date, but I have to hand it to him. He had us all going.

Bernadette and Roberta look at the sky, and Bernadette wonders how she’s going to tell the others. Roberta tells her she’ll be okay. She returns and says the aliens told her the human race isn’t ready yet and they need to wait longer. Way to learn a lesson about lying.

Next week, it looks like we’ll get to see Citizen Z again. I hope so. I miss him and Pup.

Master Chef Junior & Grimm

Master Chef Junior is back. It’s fun to see the kinder, gentler Gordon Ramsey. It’s a bit of a blow to the ego though that an 8 year old can cook better than I ever have or will in my finest hour. The judges do their best to make it fun for the kids. This season, it’s Gordon Ramsey, Graham Cracker Elliot and Christina Tosi. They started the kids off with making a burger, all of which were fabulous and made me hungry, and ended with a marshmallow dish. Marshmallows are difficult to cook with, and as sometimes happens, one of the kids cried when their dish didn’t come out as planned. I’d like to add that no matter what it looked like, Christina said it tasted good, and I have no doubt she was telling the truth. This kid wasn’t much older than I was when I decided to bake my father a birthday cake. That part actually went well, but I also decided to ice it when it was still hot. I ended up trying to hold it together with toothpicks. So, there you go, kid. You might have gotten cut tonight, but at least you didn’t have to hold your dessert together with toothpicks.

Grimm is also back, and no one told me. I don’t always pay total attention to this show, but it’s very clever and I love when the characters turn into stuff.

Nov6

November 5, 2015 — GH & Nothing But the GH

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

I don’t usually post on Thursday, but this was too good to wait.

General Hospital

Carly can hear Jason, but it’s questionable whether he can hear her. Oh good Lord, she just dropped the phone in a puddle.

Laura helps Nicholas get ready for the wedding, but no way is she going. She says her gift to Elizabeth is her absence so she won’t be tempted to tell Jason his life is a lie. “Isn’t that Juicy?” says Hayden as she walks in. Except Laura called Jason “Jake,” so Hayden doesn’t quite know what’s going on. Maybe.

Hayden said she knew something was off about Elizabeth and Jake/Jason as a couple. Nicholas says Laura is only disconcerted because Jake/Jason is missing his memory. Laura concurs, but her face says otherwise. Hayden lets slip that Jake and Sam broke in. After Hayden leaves, Laura tells Nicholas he left that out and obviously Jake/Jason wants to know who he is.

Dammit! Now Carly’s phone isn’t working. Sam and Jake/Jason chat and he tells her she’s lookin’ good. And she totally is in that blue dress. There seemed to be a spark between them for second.

I can’t take this. Carly gets the bars back on the phone and then trips over a rock. For the love of all that’s holy, just sit in one spot and make that call.

Ric meets with Sonny about the custody case. He says that courts often side with the mother, but he has something that will blindside Ava. Scotty is also meeting with Ava. All they seem to have is Julian as a character witness, which isn’t exactly a glowing recommendation. Ava tells him to go earn his money and find something that they can use. Frankly, if I was the judge, I’d take this kid away from both of them. Okay, I really wouldn’t. I’d give Avery to Ava.

Scotty tells Ava that she should try to compromise with Sonny, and co-parent. Ava says she doesn’t make deals with thugs. Um…Paul anyone? She also doesn’t want Carly playing mommy.

Ric has managed to get the case moved up to this afternoon because he had done some favors. This is a just a wee bit outside of my suspension of disbelief.

Jake/Jason is not liking what’s going on with Carly’s phone. Sam thinks it’s just the crappy phone, but Jake/Jason says no, he thinks it’s more than that. Sam has to agree that there’s something wrong, since Carly is supposed to be in the wedding party. They decide to tell Sonny.

Back at Elizabeth’s, they’re doing the something old, something new thing. She gets a gorgeous pair of blue shoes from Felix, and an amazing vintage purse for the something borrowed from Epiphany. It had been given to Epiphany by her grandmother for her own wedding, which hasn’t happened yet.

Laura tells Nicholas that she’ll be back before the wedding…if there is one. Nicholas says she promised not to say anything, and she says she’s honoring that promise, but she has something to do she should have done months ago. Have a proper send off for Luke? I’m still pretty ticked about that. Not even one flashback.

Ava busts in on Sonny and Ric. Sonny says she’s unfit to go anywhere near Avery. Ava says she’d die before giving Ava to him. He comes close to saying that can be arraged. Jake/Jason and Sam overhear this, and think maybe now is not the best time to interrupt. Jake/Jason decides to go looking for Carly himself.

Elizabeth better stop moving around so much. Her updo looks like it’s coming undone already. Nicholas tries calling her and leaves a message that she might be in for a surprise. Hayden walks in on that too, and Nicholas says he’s going to put a bell on her. Ha-ha! Nicholas is still concerned about Hayden going to the wedding, and she says he needs to start trusting her.

Laura shows up at Elizabeth’s. Elizabeth tries to blow her off, but Laura says it won’t take long. She tells Elizabeth that she knows Jake/Jason is still searching for his identity and Elizabeth needs to be the one to tell him. Laura says she thinks of her as a daughter and wants her to be happy, but no real happiness can ever be based on a lie. Elizabeth acts like the fool she is and says Laura is wrong, everything will be cool. Laura says she’s faced worse things, and that they seem to have a real connection, so she should trust him and tell him the truth. I swear, have I gone through all this just to have Elizabeth do the upset?

Today’s theme is trust. I’ve heard this word like 50 times now.

Sam has called the NSA to trace the last call from Carly. Jake/Jason says he wants to be the one to go, and he’ll be back in time.

Laura tells Elizabeth she needs to tell Jake/Jason the truth before someone else does. Elizabeth panics, thinking Laura means herself, but Laura says it won’t be her. Elizabeth is saved by Patrick showing up and everyone is ready to go. Laura says she has to babysit Spencer, and just stopped by to give well wishes.

Nicholas says if he didn’t trust Hayden, he wouldn’t be bringing her to the wedding. Hayden says maybe he wants to keep an eye on her. Or maybe he just likes her company. He says it’s a mystery. She says she hates mysteries, and always wants to know the end before she finishes the first chapter. She adds that she’s pretty sure she knows how this one is going to end. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Sonny tells Ava that by the end of the day, Avery is going to be with him, and Ava will be a stranger. He says the only one Avery is going to call “mommy” is Carly. This sets Ava off like a rocket. A couple of Sonny’s goons hold her back. Oh wait, it’s one goon and Scotty. Scotty hustles Ava out.

At this point, even if it all turns out to be a dream about a snowglobe named Rosebud, I’ll be okay with that. Just let it end.

Elizabeth and crew show up at the church. Everyone is whispering and I don’t know why because no one else is even there yet. Michael and Sabrrrina are there, but that’s the same as no one else. “Jake’s” absence is duly noted, but the groom wouldn’t be there that early anyway, so I don’t know why it was even mentioned.

Patrick and Sam are being mushy when Nicholas shows up with Hayden. Hayden says she’s going to go and sign the guestbook, leaving Patrick, Sam and Nicholas alone to insult each other. Hmm…if Hayden doesn’t remember if she likes weddings, how did she know there was a guest book to sign? I doubt Nicholas gave her a rundown of what goes on.

The wedding dress is everything. Elizabeth talks to herself in the mirror, and who walks in but Hayden, who says she’s remembering things. A huge grin spreads across my face.

The show is almost over, and I know they’re waiting for tomorrow to give us the big guns, but this is good, especially for a Thurzzzday.

Sonny and Ric say blah-blah-blah and nothing I’m interested in because I want to get back to the church. Ric is going to prep Sonny for court. Out in the hall, Scotty chastises Ava for acting crazy. She says no offense, but she needs someone who’s a match for Sonny. Good luck finding that by this afternoon, although that could be a year from now in Port Charles.

Laura calls Nicholas and asks if he’s seen Jake/Jason. Since it’s obvious that Elizabeth didn’t listen, Laura tells Nicholas it’s up to him to stop her. He’s like no way see you later. Why did she even bother with those two?

Elizabeth asks what Hayden is doing there. Hayden tells her she’s Nicholas’s plus one. Elizabeth gets nasty and tells her she should leave. Hayden says she wouldn’t miss this for the world. Me neither.

YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! Jake – who in a minute is going to be Jason – finds Carly. He says, “I found you.” Then she says, “I found you too – Jason.” I am thrilled beyond measure because I have no life.

From the previews, it looks like Jason isn’t going to believe Carly at first, but who cares? The words have been spoken and it’s done. Hayden also reaffirms that her memory is coming back. So it looks like Carly gets to tell Jason who he is and Hayden gets to give Elizabeth her comeuppance. Poor Laura. She kind of got left out of this one.

I’m letting it all sink in.

Nov5

November 4, 2015 — Wrong Loving, GH & Twice the LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

If Loving You Is Wrong — Tuesday

Brad visits Alex in the hospital. The nurse says what a fine, strapping boy the baby is, which helps nothing. Brad brought the baby name box so they can name the baby. God only knows what kind of names he put in there. I’m not even going there.

Brad went there, but he didn’t hit quite as low as I thought he would. He makes her pick one and read it. It says “bastard.” No offense, but that’s a wee bit archaic. Although Brad is kind of archaic. Brad picks one. It’s “son of a bitch,” which he says is even better. He wants to continue to play this game and I don’t know why she doesn’t ring for the nurse. The next one is Randal, and Brad says he’s coming every day until they name the baby, even though he seemed pretty happy with that last one.

He asks if she got his text. She says she saw the pic of the shed. He says it was a video, and he pulls it up on his phone faster than I’ve ever seen anyone get a video going.

Lushion says Pete isn’t ready to be his partner. Pete asks if he needs to prove himself and Lushion says, no, just put some more time in. Pete brings up the tape, and Lushion says that he needs to make the boss think it’s his idea and to quit talking about it. Ben is listening in.

Natalie shames Faun and Joey some more. When she asks if they’re in love, Faun says yes and Joey says no. Ouch! Faun tries to backtrack, but Natalie is too wise for that. She says she got pregnant the same way. Not on a burger place counter, but as a teenager who thought she was in love. Faun is like, can I please go? and Natalie suggests she get the morning after pill. Joey says it was only one time like once isn’t enough.

Randal (the real Randal) gets home from work, and Mama Louise asks if he’s been avoiding her. Um, no, he had to go to work. He tries to make excuses for his own stupid behavior, and to her credit, Louise is having none of it and says she’ll slap him silly if he tries that again. She wants him to admit how wrong he was, and he’s having a really tough time with that. Marcie is listening on the steps, and she looks great for someone who’s been drinking and crying for days. Louise tells Randal that she’s never been that crazy about Marcie, but Marcie’s got an ally now. Randal tries to blame Marcie. Oooh, he says Brad and Marcie “slept with” each other and Louise says “they weren’t sleepin’.” She says he reaped what he sowed by Brad and Marcie doing it in the shed. Whoa. Now she says she wishes she’d had the guts to do the same thing to Randal’s father and make him watch. She says he’s disgusting and she taught him better. She tells him to get it together and goes back to plumping the pillows. Wow. Hang on to this mother…in-law. Now it’s Randal who asks how long she’ll be staying. Hahahahaha! Great scene! Tyler Perry is the best at this stuff.

Travis calls Kelly and she tells him to get lost. There’s a knock at the door and she’s ready to tell him off, but it’s Ramsey. Who’s better looking and seems to have a normal IQ. He says he’s not doing well dealing with his mother’s death. He tells Kelly what a great person she was and that he wishes Kelly had known her. He asks if Travis is her baby daddy and she says no. He says he’s going to sell the house and she suggests Marcie as a realtor, but adds to call first before he goes over there. <snort!>

Ramsey says he never knew his father. He says there’s nothing like that mother/son thing. I’ll take his word for it. He gives her his number to give to Marcie and a hug good-by

Eddie is lurking outside of the minimart where he’s sent Ben to find out about the tape. They figure Pete took it and Eddie tells Ben to toss Pete’s desk. Yeah, that’s where I’d be keeping it. In my desk right where these guys can get it.

Esperanza calls Kelly, and after a lot of girl, oh girl, stuff, Marcie tells her she has the hots for Ramsey. Thought so. And it’s about time she shook that weirdo Travis. Although I do want to find out what’s up with him and his mother.

Oh come on. Pete is dubbing the tape onto a DVD at work. Maybe he is stupid. Esperanza asks what’s up and Pete says he’s working on a case. Esperanza says don’t let the boss catch him, because if it was really a case, they wouldn’t have given it to him. Ben pops up and Esperanza says Pete is working on something top secret. She’s joking around, but I’m sure that made Ben sweat a little. Ben asks Pete out for a beer, and Pete is like, no way, you’re not bullying me into a beer this time.

The doctor doesn’t think Eddie should go back to work. Eddie says that every day he’s not on the street, the doctor leaves his wife and daughter open to being raped. I’m sure this is a veiled threat and the doctor is more than happy to let him go. As he’s leaving, Eddie sees Alex. An old lady in a wheelchair is nearby, and Eddie takes some flowers right out of her hands to give Alex. This is pretty funny, especially the look on the lady’s face. Alex is nursing the baby and Eddie comes in with the flowers. She does not want him there. He says they’re cousins and she says they’re nothing and to get out. He sees the baby’s toes and gets loud and freaky. I guess he didn’t know the baby is Randal’s.

Next week, Eddie confronts Brad about the baby’s parentage, and throws Pete up against a locker. And Randal throws a fit. Nothing new there.

General Hospital

Elizabeth, who I hate with a passion, wakes up to a red rose and sweet letter from Jason, who wants her to make chocolate chip pancakes and marry him today. Because it’s November 6, the day after Halloween. I know I keep harping on this, but where is the consistency here?

Lulu is cleaning up The Haunted Star, when Olivia comes in and says it looks like a bomb went off. Lulu says the only thing that exploded was her marriage.

Kiki wakes up from her drunken, destructive night and Morgan Is there. I guess she doesn’t even realize she caused an accident, because we see Carly unconscious in her car. A friend of mine said she’d better hobble to that wedding and tell everyone about Jason, and I agree.

Jake has a surprise for Elizabeth. Ha! So does someone else – eventually. Jake says he’s going to cook the breakfast. (So what was up with that note?) He slept on the couch last night to bring them good luck. He says everything is going to be perfect today and I LOL.

Michael, in Sonny’s social center hospital room, has been trying to get ahold of Carly, but he’s getting voice mail. Sabrrrina is there, but says she has to jet to help out the bride. Michael tells Sonny that he asked her to marry him, but she turned him down.

Morgan is being uncharacteristically gallant and nursing Kiki’s hangover. He asks if she remembers anything and she says no. Franco comes in and asks Morgan what he did to Kiki.

The ever-present, unwanted Valerie, comes to Dante and Lulu’s apartment looking for Lulu. That will be just great if Lulu decides to come back and finds her there. She tells Dante that Dillon played the DVD on purpose, but it’s really her fault because she should have kept her mouth shut. That’s right, you homewrecker.

Lulu tells Olivia that she should talk to Dante to get the story, but then tells her that Dante cheated on her with Valerie. Olivia is aghast and asks what happens now. My vote is for her to divorce that cretin. Lulu says she doesn’t know. Olivia says she knows Dante loves Lulu with all his heart. Lulu is like, I don’t think so. This probably isn’t what she needs to hear right now. Olivia says it’s probably a bad time to act on her feelings. Lulu says that Dante’s plan was to have her, Rocco and the new baby, and Valerie on the side. Okay, I don’t know about that, and we’ve seen what jumping to conclusions does.

Epiphany shows up at Elizabeth’s house with the bridesmaids, while Carly is screwing with her seatbelt. She can’t get it undone and yells for help.

Sonny can’t figure out how on earth Sabrrrina wouldn’t want to marry such a perfect male specimen as Michael and says it must be because of him.

Franco goes off on Morgan, who for once is only doing the right thing. He says Morgan better be gone by the time he gets back. Kiki obviously doesn’t remember a thing, but says she will eventually. Morgan says it can’t wait. I guess he must know she had an accident, but neglected to check around to see if there was another car involved.  Honestly, I’m too old for this; my heart can’t take it. My mind wanders during the commercial break and I wonder if Spinelli has a warranty on that laptop.

Morgan asks Kiki what the last thing is that she remembers. She tells him that she was at The Haunted Star and throws shade at Darby. Morgan tells her they argued, she left, he went looking for her and found her passed out in her car. He says there’s more and Franco comes back saying some idiot sideswiped his car.

Carly, still stuck in her seatbelt, is trying to reach her phone which is thismuch out of reach.

Jake gets the message from Carly. It’s obvious it’s important he call her back. The girls are all about the wedding, and Elizabeth says how lucky they are. Oh, Epiphany is talking about her gorgeous boyfriend, Milo, so could we have some storyline for her please? Blah-blah-blah about what a great guy Jake/Jason is for marrying someone with three kids.

Michael tells Sonny it has nothing to do with him, and that if anyone put a wrench in things, it might have been Carly. Sonny says he’ll work on Carly, and Michael should work on Sabrrrina. Olivia comes busting in with the news about Dante.

Valerie says she should withdraw from the police academy because she broke the rules. You’re right. And please move to Outer Mongolia where you’re at it. Dante says it’s his fault and puts his hand on Valerie’s shoulder. Of course Lulu picks that moment to come in. What did I say? I make several loud noises and once again startle my dogs who have no concept of soap operas and the angst they can create. Lulu made a great face though. I swear, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, this is so good, and I love this show so much right now. It’s like everything good in a soap coming together at once. I will say, although I was getting impatient, they knew what they were doing. Except for that November 6 thing.

Michael wants to know what Dante had to say for himself. Olivia says she only talked to Lulu, but it was a very public revelation. Sonny says Dante was supposed to talk to Lulu, and Olivia is like what?!

Lulu says if she wants to talk about her husband, it won’t be with his whore. HA! Oh Lord, Valerie says something about Lulu’s responsibility and that it’s her fault it was all set in motion, and that she needs to recognize her culpability. She needs to leave now. Dante even tells her she needs to leave now. Valerie says what’s more important, her pride or her family? When she leaves, Dante says they were both waiting for Lulu, and that he hates himself for what he did. He says he doesn’t know what’s going to happen with them, and Lulu says neither does she. He wants to sit around and talk about it, but she says it doesn’t seem like her home anymore, it seems like a crime scene.

Franco is going on about his car and I can’t believe he doesn’t have a clue that Kiki might have been driving it. He’s off to call someone, and Kiki asks if she’s the one who wrecked the car. Morgan tells her yes, and she needs to fess up. He says she’s lucky he found her since she had an open bottle of liquor with her, and adds it’s lucky she didn’t hit somebody. She remembers the moment just before the accident.

Carly’s phone is ringing and I make more noises. Oh, now she remembers there are scissors in the glove box. Jake leaves a message and hangs up. She finally gets the phone. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, CALL HIM BACK NOW!

Commercial break. These kids are eating baked beans and say mom forgot to give them vegetables. Please don’t tell me, that in the age of Google and Bing, that kids don’t know a bean is a vegetable. Please. Toddlers know what a freakin’ bean is.

Olivia says Sonny gave Dante bad advice by telling him he should tell Lulu. What? She says everyone would have been better off if no one had known.  Well yeah, but too many people knew already, so that suggestion is no help whatsoever.

Dante offers to leave, but Lulu says she doesn’t want to stay there. She shoves the wedding invitation at him and says he should go because she doesn’t believe in marriage anymore.

Epiphany is having a game smack down with the kids while everyone gets ready. Felix says she’s doing God’s work, and she tells him don’t forget it when he ties the knot. She doesn’t want to be passed over again for maid of honor, adding, and by Patrick no less. I love her and wish she was on the show more.

Michael and Jake/Jason wonder where Carly is, and come to the stupid conclusion she’s off getting her hair done.

Morgan tells Kiki that crawling into a bottle isn’t the answer. He tells her to get some rest. Is no one going to check the accident site??? Kiki again remembers yelling something at the other driver, but says it’s fuzzy. It’s not that fuzzy. Say something, dammit! Franco goes off on Morgan again and says he doesn’t need to be easing his conscience there. Man, normally I’d agree, but not today.

They’re going to string this out until Friday, aren’t they? Heaving huge sigh. This is just stressful.

Valerie goes back to The Haunted Star looking for Dillon and has a reverie about her and Dante. She starts crying and I couldn’t care less.

There’s a song part (bleh) and montage where Sonny is texting Dante, Lulu is packing her and Rocco’s stuff, Dante is looking pitiful, Kiki is having donuts with Franco, and Carly is trying to call Jake/Jason back.

We end with Jake/Jason picking up the phone and saying, “Carly?”

From tomorrow’s preview, it looks like they’ll be focusing on other characters and slam this thing home on Friday. November 6. The day after Halloween.

Little Women LA – Reunnion Part 2

When we left the women, Michaela has entered the fray. The moderator asks what’s up with the nude pics that Matt sent to her. We flash back to when Terra outed him last season for sexting another women, and Briana insisted that she knew already. Michaela is a married woman and says she was separated at the time. She claims her conscience was bothering her and that’s why she sent the pics to Briana and the other ladies. I believe it if you believe it.

Michaela says she thinks Matt has a fetish issue. Terra says he hit on her first and Matt gets a little nasty. Terra says that Briana had a lot of complaints about Matt’s treatment of her, but Briana now insists that’s not so, she was only mad after a fight.

The moderator asks Matt to set at rest what he does for a living, if anything. He says he saved kids for 9 years, but I don’t know what that means, and he was also a bouncer for what sounds like a pretty dicey place.

Michaela says Briana deserves better. She goes on about Matt having Black and little people fetishes. Matt goes off that his ex-wife and children, and Briana are not fetishes. Exit Michaela.

We flash back to Terra having her baby, Penny, and also clips that show she “hasn’t lost her spunk.” Britney says she’s two different people and not in a good way. She says that Terra feels that she’s the star of the show and wants to be one everywhere. Britney says that Terra likes to start stuff and acts like she’s never wrong. Terra says she has admitted she was wrong and had apologized to Briana for something I can’t remember.

The moderator asks Briana if it’s been a challenge (translation: pita) having a relationship with Matt when her family hasn’t been supportive. She had some kind of get together where her parents didn’t show because she’d only known him a short time, and what was the point. Wow. Briana’s sister joins the group.

Briana’s sister feels like Matt has encouraged Briana to distance herself from the family and that she’s lowered her standards. She says at this point, her parents are willing to meet Matt. Matt says he’s never asked her to not be with her family. The moderator asks if everyone is ready to accept Matt and Tonya said she did when Briana said she was married.

Terra asks if they’re thinking of having children. Since they’re only using the withdrawal method for birth control, I’d say they’re not preventing it. When the moderator asks Briana’s sister if she thinks they should have children, you can hear a pin drop. Jasmine says who cares, Matt gives her a high five and bye-bye Briana’s sister.

The focus goes next to Terra and Christy’s tumultuous friendship. Christy and Terra talk about each other’s lifestyle changes. The moderator asks for Briana’s opinion and she says that she and Christy drifted away from each other. Christy says something about Briana not liking that she and Terra are friends again, but Briana says that’s not the case. We go back to Briana lying about being married. Tonya says that when you hide something, it means you’re unsure of it yourself. Elena, who’s been pretty quiet, says that it was obvious no one liked Matt, so that’s why Briana chose to keep her marriage to herself. I tend to think she didn’t want to get flack from everyone, or it’s possible she thought they’d talk her out of it. Christy says she was hurt that Briana even discussed what kind of wedding she wanted when she was already married.

Now the men join in. We go down Elena’s Memory Lane about her vow renewal ceremony, which was more like the wedding she never had, and how Briana spoiled It a little with her marriage announcement at the bachelorette weekend, taking the attention away from Elena. Elena says that when she watched the episode, she could see that Briana was upset about the vow renewal. Elena asks why she didn’t wait if she wanted all the pomp and circumstance. Briana says she didn’t mean to steal any thunder and Terra’s husband Joe makes blah-blah-blah hand gestures.

On to reliving the couple’s retreat, although why we want to, I don’t know. The moderator asks how the guys feel about Matt calling their ladies “bitches.” Since they’ve shown this clip before every commercial break, I feel like this question has been asked 10 times already. Christy says it’s a misogynist word and I don’t totally get that, since it’s thrown around everywhere these days. I also don’t see why if someone is being called names, they’re not allowed to retaliate, male or female.

The moderator asks for a final opinion from the guys, and everyone is vague except Joe who says he doesn’t know and doesn’t care.

Elena says she learned that her family and friends are more important than circumstances being perfect; Tonya says she learned to be open to new friendships; Jasmine says she needs to be careful who she gets close to, since they’re all so nosey; Briana says she learned not to lie and that the most important thing is sticking by each other in the end; Terra says it’s her first time on the show as a mother, and maybe she shouldn’t be so blunt.

They have a sneak peek of Little Women Atlanta and I wonder what happened to the NYC girls. Atlanta seems like the same show, except feistier with fewer blondes.

Million Dollar Listing: LA

JoshA is checking out a property that, besides the required amazing view, has all kinds of cool built-in lighting. As usual, there’s the argument about the price. The builder/owner wants to go higher than Josh thinks will work. The owner sees the wisdom in what Josh has to say. He’s leaving for Moscow and wants Josh to be his eyes and ears, and be able to call him 24/7, to which Josh agrees.

David is showing James a place that he originally was having built as an investment property, but he and his girlfriend, Adrienne, now want to call it home. It has 23 foot ceilings and is pretty incredible overall. James thinks he should stick to the original plan and sell it. Zoning laws have changed, and this kind of house can no longer be built and is at a premium. I say why not wait. The resale should still be good 10 years from now because there will never be any others built. David says he and Adrienne are emotionally attached to it.

JoshF has a client who wants to downsize. Amazingly, they agree on a price. But she’s not ready to sell it yet. She wants to find a new house first, which I can understand. She gives Josh a laundry list of what she wants in a house, as well as her price range. She says if he finds her the right house, he’s got a sale. It’s both or nothing.

James is meeting with a New York based client. He’s renovating his house and it looks like a movie star house from the 60s. Did James just say $60 million? Yes, he did. The client isn’t interested in selling though, he’s looking to buy commercial space on Sunset. Apparently, this is nearly impossible. He’s looking to spend a load of money too and these brokers will do anything for a sale.

JoshA says the client has been calling him non-stop and the house isn’t even on the market yet. For the brokers’ open house, Josh has brought in models to create living art, scenarios that show how the house can be lived in. There’s everything from a couple in bed (hush and get your mind out of the gutter) to a group doing yoga poses in the backyard. One guy isn’t crazy about the kitchen appliances, but I am.

Madison, from another season, and his client walk in. He and JoshA don’t exactly get along. Both Josh and his fiancé once worked for him. When Josh left to go on his own, Heather stayed behind and Josh says Madison didn’t give her the commissions he was supposed to. Josh thanks Madison because he says if Madison hadn’t ripped Heather off, he wouldn’t have gotten the girl.

Madison said they’re a couple of liars, so they’re perfect for each other. Madison explains something about her contract that I fail to understand. They move on to discussing the house. The client makes an offer to Josh that’s about half a million too low.

JoshF says what his client is looking for is difficult because her list is so long, but he’s riding his unicorn around trying to find it. He’s sending her a bunch of listings so she can get a feel for what’s out there.

James and David are having a double-date. James’s wife asks how the house plans are going and James asks if they’d sell if the price was right. David’s girlfriend says they’re moving in six weeks. James is looking toward the future for them, but Adrienne is like no way, I’m in love with that house. Meh. I’d take the money.

Oooh! David has 2 basset hounds, but also a teeny weeny Chihuahua. I don’t remember him having a Chi. Maybe it belongs to the girlfriend.

JoshA shows his client a house with floor to ceiling windows and a gourmet kitchen and a lot of other things I could only dream about. It’s another house that’s right on the water. The tide comes right up to the patio. She says the neighbors are a little close (they are), and she wants a “dry beach.” Josh says she’ll have to pay for a dry beach. In his individual interview, Josh says he wishes he’d known she wanted a dry beach it would have been nice to know that in the beginning (I agree).

JoshA and Heather are hanging out with their two cute, little, but not Chi, dogs, eating crackers and hummus. Josh tells Heather about Madison and his client. Heather says she’s moved on. Josh seems like he hasn’t, but says a bunch of mature stuff. I’m guessing that Josh and Madison will be arguing soon.

James says he has called every owner on Sunset and he can’t find a property. He decides to take the client to an up and coming area and force him to look. James tells him he’s called 30 owners and no one will sell. The client does not care about any of this. It’s Sunset or no. So James takes him to another place. The client won’t even get out of the car. So James takes him to a third location. The client says it’s great for something else, but not what his specific project is. He says he has a month and if James can’t show him something appropriate, not to show him anything. He also makes noises about bringing in another broker.

JoshA decides there are people in LA that he’d rather have as friends than enemies. He asks James to meet him for dinner. In an earlier episode, Josh created quite a stink at an open house James was having, so James balks. Josh apologizes for his behavior. James practically falls out of his chair.

Next week, Larry Flynt. And it looks like JoshA’s client is going to bring James in as a broker.

Nov4

November 3, 2015 — Still Halloween in PC, Yachting 101 & Quote(s) of the Week

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

We begin with Kiki stating the obvious, that Morgan and Darby were off having sex. Valerie doesn’t believe that even Andy is stupid enough to have made the mistake of switching reels, and says Dillon must have done it on purpose. Maxie freaks on Nathan because he knew all along. He says it’s because she would have told Lulu, and we both say, “Well, yeah.”

Dante chases after Lulu, who wants nothing to do with him right now, and I scream at the TV, “Give her the space she needs, you !@#$% %^&()@!!!” alarming my dogs.

Carly has a deal with the lab guy – she has given him a “discreet” room when he’s needed it (I don’t want to know) and he’s going to do a discreet DNA test for her. Please, let this be over with soon.

Poor Lulu! She says she was going to start the hormone treatments tomorrow. Dante still wants to go ahead with it, but she’s like, wait a second, you tried to talk me out of it. Why?

Valerie totally goes off on Dillon.

Kiki tells Morgan that since she doesn’t want him, why not grab the next available thing? (Like Jax. Just move one down on your contacts list.) Darby says they should either get back together or “hit the kill switch,” because neither of them are able to handle the in-between.

The lab guy says he can have the test done quicker than anyone, but he needs Jason’s DNA for comparison.  Carly tells him it should be in the crime database. Come on already.

Sam is whining to Patrick about not having the facial reconstruction finished. Isn’t she wondering where the laptop is? Patrick says both “Jake” and Elizabeth seem happy with how things are, so maybe they should just leave it alone. He says something about a knock at the door, and guess what? Yep, there’s a knock at the door. It’s Emma who has had a nightmare.

“Jake” – you know, forget it, I’m going to start calling him Jason since no one else will. Jason asks Elizabeth if she wants to postpone the wedding, but she says no. They make out on the bridge, but all of a sudden, Jason realizes he’s been there before. And with her.

Morgan says it’s over, and Kiki asks how she’s supposed to react when they cross paths. She says she thought they were starting over, but then he decided to sleep with her mother again (thinking it was her Aunt Denise, but still) and he broke her heart. He replies with a bunch of stupid remarks. He’s such a jerk, even as a drunk she can do better.

Maxie is pretty pissed about Nathan keeping the secret from her. She says they could have tried to convince Dante to come clean and fix it together, but instead he chose Dante over her. Good point.

Valerie acts like it’s all Dillon’s fault that she slept with Dante. She says that he was afraid to tell Lulu himself because she might hate him for it. So he chose another way. He says she’s right. D’oh!

Lulu says she feels like an idiot for having made a big deal over what she thought was just one kiss, and Dante lied to her face when she questioned him. He says he didn’t want their marriage to be defined by one night that he made a bad decision. Lulu really isn’t having it. She says she hopes Valerie was better than her in bed and that it was worth it. He says blah-blah-blah about how he’d thought their marriage was over. Lulu and I both say, so you slept with Valerie instead of saying something?

Jason wants Elizabeth to kiss him again, so he can get the remembering vibe back. I can’t say I’ve ever heard that excuse before.

Nathan says Maxie should understand about keeping a secret for the greater good. She says, oh yeah, like when she kept the Spinelli baby secret and it worked out so well. Not.

Lulu is putting all kinds of two and twos together. Ugh! She says she thought they were closer when all the time, Valerie was taking up space in their bed. He tries again to explain what he thought about her and Dillon, but it’s not working.

Valerie is appalled that Dillon put Lulu in the position of finding out publicly. He says that Valerie wanted Lulu and Dante’s marriage to implode too, but she says no. I don’t know if I believe that, but I agree with her about the public thing.

Morgan asks Kiki to explain how her drinking to deal with things is any better than his sleeping around. Well, for one, no one ever got pregnant from a martini.

HE SAID IT! THE LAB GUY SAID IT! JAKE DOE AND JASON ARE THE SAME PERSON! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Maxie says that Lulu and Dante had the perfect marriage, and inspired her when she wasn’t being jealous of them.

Dante is making no freaking sense, and now tries to turn the tables. That’s seriously not going to work. She talks about him changing the sheets the morning she got home. She says they’ve been living in two totally different worlds. He knew the truth and she didn’t, and they lived accordingly. This is just heart-breaking. He says he thought he could find a way to be the man she deserved. I’m not sure why he thought lying was the way to do that. I don’t think Lulu is too happy with Dillon either.

Valerie tells Dillon that Lulu is going to hate him forever.

Morgan tells Kiki he’ll drive her home, and she suggests he drive Darby home. Darby comes out with some snacks and starts wolfing down burgers, which is totally appropriate.

It would be something if Jason actually ends up outing himself. He’s still pondering on the bridge. Elizabeth tells him he’s just having déjà vu. That everyone gets it and it’s just one of life’s mysteries.

The lab guy is going home. Carly calls Jason and gets voice mail. Why doesn’t anyone ever answer their phone? This is important! Of course she just says to call her back. I swear, nothing had better happen to her before she’s able to spill the Jason beans.

Dante says he made a promise to Sonny that he’d tell her everything. Lulu realizes that Nathan knew, and that Maxie didn’t because Maxie would have told her. Lulu breaks down crying and I want to cry too.

Dillon gets left by himself when Valerie, Nathan and Maxie basically tell him he’s a jerk and leave.

NOOOOO! I see it coming. I don’t want to look. And I hate Elizabeth with every fiber of my being.

Kiki is driving drunk and Carly is driving distracted, caught up in remembering the various times she talked to nuJason. You know the rest. I can’t even type it.

Maxie goes to Lulu. Dillon tells Valerie he did them all a favor and she’ll thank him later. Probably not.

Jason suggests that he and Elizabeth continue their make out session in bed at home. Elizabeth says it would be bad luck before the wedding and I wish her all the bad luck in the world.

You know how it ends. I can’t. I just can’t.

Below Deck

Last week, we (finally) said, “Bye, Felicia!” to Chef Leon. Chef Ben is back and I couldn’t be happier. Leon is even gone from the credits. Good. Go. Good-by. Go back to your K-Mart cruise line job.

Ben is checking out the pantry and he says it’s like a biohazard. He does a Gordon Ramsey and cleans the whole place. Amy says there’s some more than friends stuff going on between Ben and Kate.

Dave comes through the revolving deckhand door. He was on the first season and Boson Eddie is glad to see him back. I actually don’t remember much about him.

Rocky says Eddie is sending her mixed signals. No he’s not. He’s just sending the “go away” signal. She’s one of the most clueless people I’ve ever seen, and can’t seem to get why he’s not interested any more when she acted like a psychotic toddler in the last episode.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s Cynthia Bailey, is the primary guest. It’s going to be her birthday the first night. I’ve never really felt one way or the other about her, but her husband (who thankfully won’t be on the charter) thinks he’s one of the women on that show and likes to mix it up with them. Claudia from RHOA is also coming along. I liked her a lot and am sorry she’s not going to be on the show any more. Not to get off topic, but I heard Nene will be back. That was fast. Guess she isn’t the star she thought she was and she’s sticking to being a big rich bitch fish in a little pond. I was really not thrilled with her antics last season – for goodness’ sake, she made Kenya look like Mother Teresa – and I’m kind of sorry Bravo didn’t give her a time out and tell her to think about what she did.

The wind is howling, and there is no choice but to wait it out at the dock. Cynthia says she doesn’t want to be a diva, but wonders if they might have a birthday cake “laying around.” The place is already decorated, and Amy says that yachting 101 tells you to give the guests what they want before they know they want it.

Ben says Rocky is actually culinary trained (really?) and asks her to trim the muffin tops. What he means is to trim the excess around the edges, and she actually takes the top off. The best part of the muffin. The joke in our house is that my husband didn’t marry me for my cooking in the kitchen, but even I knew what he was saying. Lord, she is such a moron.

The ladies ask for Emile to feed them strawberries in a tank top and jeans. Huh? Yeah, that’s always been my fantasy too, said no one ever.  More guests arrive. I think it’s a little creepy that they just requested it to see if he would do it. Now get down on all fours and bark like a dog.

Dave is amused that Cynthia’s daughter (I think it is; she’s a teenager) is infatuated with Emile. Why? He acts like he’s 14, so that’s about right. One guest asks for chocolate Pop Tarts. Yeah, that’s what I always crave when gourmet food and a chef is available. Cynthia examines the storage area in her bathrobe and mistakes the crew’s quarters for closets. I guess they’re being down-to-earth, but I’d be pissed at someone getting in my bed and checking it out.

The guests filled up on the appetizers, and decide they’ll have the birthday dinner on the morrow. Ben isn’t happy, but he rolls with it. Unlike how Leon would have been.

Rocky eavesdrops on Eddie talking about her idiocy. Then says that thing I hate, that she “has feelings for” him. Well, I “have feelings for” her too, but I don’t think they’re the same ones she has for Eddie.

Commercial break. Ha-ha! I love the ad for Kraft Mac & Cheese where the guy is a collector and his kid wonders why he doesn’t take his toys out of the boxes or eat the Star Wars macaroni and cheese. I collect Barbies, and a child I once babysat for asked me why I didn’t take them out of the boxes and play with them. I told her “resale value,” and she looked at me like I had two heads. Like the kid in the commercial, I’m sure she thought it was a “room of lies.”

Rocky is complaining to Emile because she needs someone to be supportive. Oh, you mean the guy who you gave mixed signals to? Eddie says she was supposed to keep their trysts between them and obviously she’s not. Rocky tries to pry into Kate and Ben’s business. They both say that they’re friends who have had benefits, but they’re too much alike to have a relationship. Amy thinks they’re lying to themselves.

Everyone is drinking at 10 am. That’s too early for me, even on vacation. Then we’re on to the jet skis, which always mix well with alcohol. I would be swimming all the time if I went on one of these trips. They go to shore for lunch, and Emile comes along. They keep asking him his opinion about tchotchkes in the gift shop and it’s obvious he couldn’t care less.

The ladies want Southern comfort food for dinner (meaning food from the South, not the liquor) and I’m getting hungry. Cynthia takes a bunch of photos of herself in the wheelhouse, and Captain Lee does a few poses with the ladies. He says some guest requests are better than others. The guests would also like a cat, so Connie dresses up like one. I guess these people are having fun, but that just seems weird.

Kate and Ben are arguing about something insignificant, and Amy thinks they should just “go downstairs and take care of it,” meaning the sexual tension between them. Claudia says it’s like an “upscale barbeque,” and I concur. Ben visits the table and gets lots of compliments, and told he’s going to make them fat from the food they requested. Ben makes a gorgeous cake, even though it’s not chocolate. To me, if it’s not chocolate, it’s not worth it.

Eddie says his one mistake doesn’t define him, and is on the phone trying to make up with his girlfriend. They’ve had a lot of ups and downs with the long distance thing.

Teenage Girl says all the food is the best she’s ever had. This seems like it was a relatively easy-going charter. Amy says the only diva moments and drama only came from Kate and Ben. Although I really don’t think they behaved that badly.

Tip time! It’s 15 large, and everyone is happy. Especially Dave who says he’s missed the cash tips.

Ben says he doesn’t want fear from Rocky, but respect. He apologizes about being annoyed over the muffin tops. That’s nice, but seriously, a monkey would have known better. The crew goes out to dinner on shore. Connie says that Rocky is good at being a mermaid, but other than that, she’s annoying. And she’s being pretty annoying right now, being really loud with explaining drinks with dirty names.

When they get back to the boat, Eddie brushes her off. She says that even if he doesn’t want to be with her, he should at least respect her. No comment.

Next week, Rocky says she’s going crazy (I think she got there a while ago) and spills it to everyone about her and Eddie. Emile looks like he doesn’t react too well. Because he’s 14.

The People’s Couch Quote of the Week

Again, a toss-up.

Leah Remini doesn’t need a costume. She already survived the Scientology horror movie. — Scott while watching Dancing with the Stars, the Halloween episode.

She’s Crocodile Dundee’s daughter. — One of the Resnick girls, referring to Bindi Irwin on DWTS.

Stay tuned for If Loving You is Wrong with tomorrow’s post.

Nov3

November 2, 2015 — Big Reveals, London in Denmark & Back at SUR

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

“Jake” tells Sam that a year ago he had no family, no identity, no nothing, and tomorrow he’s getting them all. You know, November 6, the day after Halloween.

Patrick thinks Elizabeth is getting cold feet. She says Audrey’s letter just made her emotional, but he says if she really feels she shouldn’t get married, she should go with her gut feelings.

The sizzle reel sizzles on at The Haunted Star. Everyone stands frozen and Valerie looks like she wants the earth to swallow her up. Dillon is like, oops! wrong thing, let me turn this off, but Lulu tells him not to. Pay off! Pay off!

Olivia, who’s gotten some nice highlights, chats with Carly. Carly says she has something to do and will meet Olivia in Sonny’s room (don’t ask him first or anything). She goes to the laptop and looks at the screen to see Jason’s face looking back. More pay off! I feel like I’ve been waiting so long, I can’t take it all at once. Especially since I got my heart broken during last night’s Walking Dead episode.

Patrick asks Elizabeth if there’s something she wants to tell him. She says that she’s never been happier and she just has pre-wedding jitters. Patrick has never been the most observant guy, but even he knows there’s more to it than that. She says she has a really good feeling about the marriage. Really? No one is this stupid. She has to know the truth is eventually going to come out. Like today I hope. She says maybe her other marriages didn’t work out because she needed to get to the one that’s for keeps.

“Jake” tells Hayden that she’s not welcome at his wedding. She says she and “Jake” should have a clean slate since she lost her memory. Hayden is like, too bad, I’m coming anyway. “Jake” says if she and/or Nicholas upset Elizabeth on her wedding day, they’ll regret it.

Carly calls Spinelli and tells him to call her back immediately when he gets the message.

Sonny, who is looking kind of scruffy good since he hasn’t shaved in a while, is back from PT and Olivia apologizes for lying about Leo. Sonny says he gets that she was just protecting Leo. She had also kept Dante’s paternity from Sonny, and apologizes for Sonny missing out on Dante’s childhood. Sonny is uncharacteristically understanding.

Lulu insists that Dillon put the sizzle reel that isn’t the sizzle reel back on. It gets to the part where Valerie tells Dillon that she slept with Dante, and everyone is like whoa, and looks are being shot everywhere.

Hayden says she admires “Jake” because of how he’s reinvented himself. She says she wants to follow his example. She says she knows she wasn’t the greatest person and wants to have a fresh start. This girl is good because I’m never sure whether to believe her or not.

Patrick and Elizabeth come into the waiting room and Carly shuts the laptop like she’s putting out a fire. “Jake” and Sam are right behind them, and “Jake” immediately knows something’s wrong. Carly says she just has something on her mind and practically runs out of the room. Snot rag Elizabeth says Carly can take care of herself and who cares what her problem is.

Lulu is so delusional, she thinks Valerie made up sleeping with Dante. She says it’s because Valerie still “has feelings” for Dante and insists that Dante correct this misconception, because he would never do such a thing. To his credit, he says he did. I hate that expression “has/have feelings for.” What kind of “feelings?” What does that mean? It’s so vague, it’s annoying.

Hayden says she doesn’t really know where she stands with anyone, and even if they’re being nice, she doesn’t know if it’s genuine or they’re just waiting to pay her back for one of her misdeeds.

Sam tells Elizabeth that she’s marrying a man of many hidden talents, that he blew the roof off at karaoke. Thanks. I would have liked to see that.

Carly calls some lab about running a discreet DNA test on “Jake.” I guess she has connections. She pops into Sonny’s room and says she has to go and deal with something important.

Morgan and Darby are basking in the afterglow and I take a nap. Wake me when Kiki inevitably shows up.

Maxie is totally freaking out. Nathan puts his police hat on (symbolically) and kicks everyone out of the party. Valerie tries to follow the crowd, but Lulu is like, no way, bitch.

Dante keeps trying to get Lulu to go, but she wants answers and rightly so. She asks how long the affair has been going on and Valerie says it was just one night, like that makes it okay. Lulu says she welcomed Valerie into her family and this is how she gets repaid.

I’m thinking maybe Nicholas needs to lay off those Floating Rib dinners, since he’s looking a little chunky. Hayden asks if they’re just “castle mates” or are they moving forward with the relationship?

Oh I get it. Carly wants “Jake” to be hydrated and insists he have some of her water to get a DNA sample. She also says they need to have a long talk before the wedding about best person and groom stuff. Yeah, like maybe he shouldn’t be getting married right now since he’s Jason.

Lulu asks if Dante took Valerie to their home and their bed. She thinks it was the night that Dante admitted to kissing Valerie, but he just edited out the juicy parts. Valerie says no, that it was the night Lulu spent with Dillon in Canada. Lulu is appalled at Valerie’s suggestion she might be at fault here. Me too, really. She’s not being contrite enough for my taste. Valerie says she’s not blaming Lulu, but everyone screwed up, even her. Dante is still trying to get Lulu to leave and Lulu tells him to never come near her again.

Everyone in the hospital waiting room remembers they have homes and cuts out. Carly heads to the lab with the empty water bottle.

The kids are still hanging around The Haunted Star and TJ tells Kiki she should consider forgiving Morgan. Morgan walks in, and Kiki fills him on what happened. When she asks where he was, Darby walks in and says he was with her.

Valerie gets mad at Dillon. She thinks Dillon should fire Andy for being either a perv or a complete incompetent. Maxie thinks they should go after Lulu, but Nathan takes her phone. Maxie realizes Nathan knew the whole time. Dante follows Lulu down to the docks that we can’t seem to get enough of lately.

These are the episodes I live for. And Vanderpump Rules starts its new season tonight. It doesn’t get much better than this.

Ladies of London

Caroline #1 says that Annabelle has been “Poe faced” lately. I like this new term. I don’t know if the guy that woke her up is a friend or her husband, but he’s pretty cute.

They’re on their way somewhere and Caroline #1 is saying Julie is basically subservient to Annabelle. Since Annabelle is in the same limo, doesn’t Caroline know she can hear? Or does she not care?

For winning some battle, Caroline #2’s (The Baroness) 10th great grandfather won a castle. Some of the furniture is awesome and it goes without saying that the castle itself is. Hmm… If that isn’t Caroline #1’s husband, this guy is inappropriately touching her butt. The Baroness says she realizes she’s privileged and is grateful, but when she was little, she thought everyone lived like that. I can understand somewhat. My father built our house, and since he was living with 3 women (my mother, my sister and I), our bathroom was huge. I was shocked when I saw other people’s bathrooms because I thought everyone’s bathroom was like ours. The castle has a huge room with every kind of taxidermied animal and even a shrunken head. Julie is somewhat appalled, but I think I’d be okay with it. It’s not like that giraffe got felled yesterday. I flash back to the Niagara Falls Museum in Canada, where they have the oldest taxidermied lion ever. The fur is practically falling off of it. I love that place. Nothing much changes there.

Commercial break. I can’t take all this election stuff. Between the TV ads and the robocalls, it makes me never want to vote again because I hate them all.

Ok, that’s Caroline #1’s makeup artist, who no doubt is gay, so touching her butt was okay. Is he single? I might know a guy for him.

It’s time for dinner and it’s one of those really long tables. Annabelle still has a stick up her ass and continues to be Poe faced. I’m going to use that all the time now. Everyone says how great everything is, and it’s obvious Annabelle is not happy. I can’t even remember what it is she’s unhappy about. Geez, she’s having a cigarette and no one is treating her like a pariah. She should at least be happy about that. Julie, Caroline #1 and Annabelle start talking about how Caroline said Julie is Annabelle’s bitch. The Baroness is like, thanks a lot for starting this stuff at my lovely family home.

Caroline #1 says she thinks Julie has more confidence now, that somehow this group of dysfunctional women has given her strength. Probably in self-defense. They’re fun to watch, but I don’t think I’d want to hang out with this crowd. Maybe Juliet and The Baroness, but Julie is scatter-brained and the rest of them will roll over you like a bulldozer.

Caroline #1 goes on about how Julie has gone through an evolution and has her own balls now (no pun intended about the product she sells). Annabelle tells her to talk to the hand. Really. She does.

The Baroness is pissed that breakfast has been on the table since 10 and it’s 10:30. I don’t blame her. Caroline #1 starts stammering that she doesn’t usually go… and The Baroness finishes her sentence with “any place [she] needs manners.” Annabelle lets out a huge laugh. Caroline #1 says she usually doesn’t stay at other people’s homes and The Baroness says at least she’s honest.

Julie says when you hold a yoga pose, you need equal amounts of energy coming from every area of your body and it’s the same in a friendship. Whatever that means. I’m not very good at holding yoga poses, although I do just fine with friendships.

Annabelle gets a call while she’s chatting with Joan Collins Sophie. Whatever it is, it’s not good news. She’s going “oh no” and “don’t talk about that stuff.” Now she’s crying.

Okay. Apparently, this has something to do with a book someone is writing about Alexander McQueen and some article that’s coming out about it in the tabloids. She’s pissed because there’s no way to defend yourself when you’re dead and everyone is coming out of the woodwork with nasty stories. I shrug and think this is part of being a skabillionaire celebrity. The Baroness says thanks for sharing, but Julie thinks there’s more to it than that.

The two Caroline’s go to Svendborg Church where The Baroness’s family members are buried or interred or whatever. It’s absolutely beautiful. Her mother died from cancer and The Baroness mostly grew up without her. Caroline #1 says she feels stupid for even griping about her business.

The Baroness’s parents (I guess she has a stepmother?) are coming for dinner and everyone gets super dressed up. The Baroness says her relationship with her father has always been rocky because he doesn’t understand her life choices. I’m guessing this means she didn’t marry some lord and churn out grandkid heirs. Annabelle banters with The Baron about how favors and affairs are the ways titles are received. My husband is a Marquis, which I guess makes me a Marquise, but I have no idea what favors or affairs happened there. A title and $3.50 will get me on the subway.

The Baroness makes a toast. In her individual interview segment, Marissa says blah-blah-blah about how she has a new respect for The Baroness, and I couldn’t care less. She gives a toast about being in love with all people and things Denmark, which comes off to me as just a bunch of empty flattery.

Commercial break. I read an article about Kurt Russell trick-or-treating with his grandkids, and think he’s one hot granddad.

They go to the ballroom and dance around crazy drunk. The Baroness suggests a nightcap, which believe me, no one needs. There is a group hug.

Next week, the season finale. Marissa’s restaurant opening is delayed and there’s more Annabelle drama. I see Caroline #1’s husband, think ok yeah that’s him, I remember now, and that he can’t hold a candle to the makeup artist.

Vanderpump Rules

Lisa looks like she’s lost weight. Does that mean there’s still hope for me? It looks like Kristen is still a psychotic a-hole and Stassi has had some work done. Although why either one of them is still on this show, I’m not sure. Oh yeah, drama.

Lisa says that last year was all about opening PUMP, but now she’s back to concentrating on SUR. She has a sit down with the staff. Jax has also had another nose job. I can’t stand him, but he really did have nasal problems and it’s not just a cosmetic thing, so I give him a pass.

James has been DJ-ing at PUMP, and says Kristen has been coming in and day drinking. She is so insane. You can just see it in her eyes. Lisa says Kristen isn’t allowed in PUMP or SUR when James is working. How about not letting her in period? Lisa complains that Tom hasn’t been on the ball and he says he’s not the only one.

It’s almost Scheana’s 30th birthday and she wants to have a “decades” party. I have no clue what that is. Kate goes down Memory Lane when she gave Schwartz the ultimatum to put a ring on it within 6 months. She says she has the feeling it’s coming. So is the apocalypse.

Jax tells James he doesn’t need grief from Kristen and that she’s a ticking time bomb. Yep. Jax’s ex-girlfriend, Carmen, is friends with Kristen and this boggles my mind, since she seemed sane. Kristen and James have an argument on the phone before the first commercial.

Commercial break. Those Hunger Games books and movies look good, but I don’t want to get wrapped up in another series. True Blood and Game of Thrones have been bad enough. I’m not even sure if I’m up for adding Après Ski.

Jax and James have an argument because Jax is a total gossip. James says Jax’s bro code is “F-U, bros.”

Ken shows up at SUR. He looks amazing for being 110 and just having had a hip replacement.

Scheana says Kristen isn’t invited to her birthday party. Tom says you actually have to ban her from a place for her not to show up anyway. I know someone like that too.

Here she comes! Jax asks what Kristen is doing in the parking lot. She’s pissed because James told Jax her business and he in turn told Carmen. Kristen says that being fired from SUR freed her to work on her T-shirt line and I choke on my seltzer. James is pretty angry about Kristen showing up just before he’s about to DJ and hopes Lisa doesn’t find out. This girl is so freakin’ out there, I don’t get why anyone has anything to do with her. Although I do know she and James called it quits a couple of months ago.

Jax’s real name is Jason. His mom is visiting and he’s asked his friends not to call him Jax in front of her. I didn’t know he had a mom. I figured he was raised by wolves. This guy is just too old even to be hanging out with these kids, let alone floundering along with nothing really going on in his life.

Commercial break. It’s one of those ads where Matthew McConaughey is in the car, making fun of his esoteric self. No. Just no.

James brings Kristen flowers and apologizes because he’s a total idiot. I don’t mean he’s apologizing for being an idiot; I mean he’s an idiot for apologizing. Kristen says she never knows what she’ll get with him, and I choke again, since she’s about as bi-polar as they come. James says he doesn’t want to bring her to Scheana’s party and she says fine, but it’s not fine.

Scheana has a birthday lunch at Villa Blanca with Jax and his mother in attendance. Jax’s mother says he’s been a handful from the day he was born. Lisa asks what’s the worst thing he ever did. Mom talks about how when he was 12, Jax hit on his bus driver. Maybe it’s me, but I don’t think his looks are all that and certainly not enough to make up for the rest of him.

Schwartz wants to get a permanent. Tom says they call it a perm for a reason and this might be a mistake. Schwartz says he’s ready to propose to Katie. After the hair process, Schwartz says his hair isn’t as “permy” as he thought it would be, but he likes it. Actually, it’s not bad. I was afraid he’d end up looking like Carrot Top.

Commercial break. Yep, Christmas is here now, since we’re done with Halloween. How much do you think I’ll hate The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies by December 25? Living in the area, we also get local ads for Broadway shows and King Charles III looks amazing, but I’d really love to see Bruce Willis in Misery.

On to the party. Katie says something about someone looking like they’re from Andy Warhol’s Factory and I’m shocked she even knows what that is. Carmen didn’t want to go, and Jax says he went one down in his contacts and brought Carter. Bleh. Scheana is dressed as Madonna in her boy toy phase and I love it. I wish we still dressed like that.

Ha! Kristen says that she knows technically she wasn’t invited, but she knows Scheana wants her there anyway because she’s psychotic psychic. The costumes are pretty fabulous overall, outfits mostly portraying the 60s, 70s and 80s.. James is DJ-ing and the place is rocking out. Of course Kristen starts bugging him immediately that he’s drinking too much, which makes him want to drink more. Kristen says he’s on his way to being a drunken a-hole. While he does like to get his drink on, the only time I’ve seen him really be an a-hole is when she starts something. I’m not crazy about him, but he seems to go out of his way to treat her well and she doesn’t appreciate it at all.

Tom does some kind of roller skating routine on the dance floor. Ken tells Tom not to disrespect his wife (this has something to do with the staff meeting), and Tom says the British gangster is coming through.  I love Ken. He’s the most perfect husband I’ve ever seen. He’d do anything for Lisa. Apparently, there was some kind of altercation with Kristen and James at PUMP, and Lisa tries to discuss it with Kristen. Lisa says she’s asking for the impossible in expecting Kristen to take any responsibility for anything. I concur. She also says that at 54 years old, she wants respect. To which I say, good luck with that. They keep cutting to Ariana who’s making a lot of faces.

Scheana says that Kristen has been more pleasant lately and that she has a soft spot for her. Not me and I think she’s batsh*t crazy. Ariana is annoyed that Scheana, who is supposed to be her best friend, says Kristen has never given her a direct reason not to like her. In other words, wishing for Ariana’s death wasn’t enough. I’m trying to figure out what Ariana’s costume is supposed to be. Something from the 70s, but she looks like she’s dressed like a guy and the whole getup is kind of monochromatic and boring.

Where is my Giggy?

Everyone is getting drunker. Scheana’s husband is doing some two-fisted drinking, and Tom is pouring liquor straight into his mouth from the bottle of Fireball. I like Fireball — and it has the extra benefit of clearing out your sinuses — but only one shot. I can’t even fathom chugging it. Kristen tells James to slow his drinking roll and he says she drives him to drink. Now he’s telling Tom how much he loves him and Tom jumps into the pool with his roller skates on.

Next week, it looks like we’re getting some new people.

Just a note on Après Ski. After watching the first episode, it looks like it’s a mo’ money, mo’ problems for the staff show, revolving around a ski resort. A keeper unless something better comes along.

Nov2

November 1, 2015 — A Giant Bear, a Backstory & Vicki in the Hot Seat

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

Lance and Merida are imprisoned, and Merlin takes David, Hook and Belle to free them. Merida says Arthur took her wisps and she needs them to save her brothers. Merlin says that her brothers will have to wait, as they have more urgent business.

In Storybrooke (that I’ve been spelling wrong), Belle suggests that instead of wasting time finding Merlin, they should ask Rumpelstiltskin for help. Rumpel is in the woods mooning over his teacup. He smashes it to get something to cut his rope bonds. Dark Emma and Merida see that he’s gone. Dark Emma tells Merida to kill Belle in order to get Rumpel to fight for something. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to work, but okay.

In the parallel world, Merida bops Belle in the head to get her to help with some magic. Belle says that she could have just asked, and Merida says she’s a bop you in the head first and ask questions later kind of lass. They go to a cute witch’s cabin when the witch is out at the mall or something, and borrow the use of her cauldron. Merida sees her brothers. They are about to be executed because Merida won’t marry some guy.

In Storybrooke, Belle finds Rumpel hiding. He tells her that if it wasn’t for her, he wouldn’t even be alive. I’m not sure if he’s talking about the teacup or something else. He tells Belle that Dark Emma is after her because she wants Rumpel to defend her.

Wicked Witch, Zelena, has also been imprisoned, in a hospital by Regina. She’s reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting, because she is. A nurse brings her a tray with food. Zelena is hoping for onion rings, but the nurse says she’s only supposed to have locally grown produce and shows her a yummy plate of broccoli and carrots. She tells the nurse to take a hike. Dark Emma pops in and spirits Zelena away and gives her onion rings. Zelena asks what Dark Emma wants.  Emma wants her help in exchange for her freedom. Zelena says forget you and disappears poof! in a cloud of smoke. I don’t know if she took herself back to the hospital or somewhere else.

Belle tells Rumpel to forget about the stupid teacup, and that she’s always seen that he’s a hero underneath. They go to Mr. Gold’s (nee Rumpel’s) shop and Merida shows up. She says she couldn’t resist Emma and now Belle’s fate rests in Rumpel’s hands.

Parallel world Merida says her father taught her everything she knows and that if she remembers what she’s fighting for, she’ll never miss her target. She’s given Belle a recipe for a potion to change her (Merida) into a bear, so that she can fight the clan who has her brothers.

Storybrooke Arthur says he’ll help Regina get Merlin back, but he has to be alone with the magic mushroom to do it. (That’s what they all say.) The second he’s by himself, he throws it into the fire. I didn’t think he was really there to help. He tells them some story to cover up what he did.

Merida is about to shoot Belle with an arrow, and tells Rumpel to be the man they need. He says, sorry he can’t, and while Merida is taking aim, Belle pulls the rug out from under her. Literally.

Parallel Merida tells Belle that her father died because of her. She tried to protect him and missed the target. She says the clans lost faith in her. They didn’t believe she could rule alone and wanted her to marry. Belle gives her the bear potion.

Rumpel and Belle drive out of Storybrooke. Belle tells him running never made anyone a hero and makes him stop the car. He tells her about how he injured himself to avoid combat, that he’s a coward and it’s not going to change. She walks away back toward Storybrooke and runs right into Merida. Merida says Dark Emma isn’t taking chances and is making her drink the bear potion. She turns into a bear the size of the Empire State Building.

Just has the clans are celebrating their victory in capturing Merida’s brothers, Merida shows up and drinks the bear potion. Nothing happens and Belle tells her that she switched bottles because Merida needs to defend herself as their queen, otherwise they’ll never respect her. Just as arrows are let fly toward her brothers, Merida shoots her own arrows that stop theirs.  The clans are so impressed they kneel before their queen and release her brothers. She tells the dude who wanted to marry her that he’s lucky she knows the meaning of mercy.

The gigantic bear chases Belle through the woods. This thing is freaking massive and she tumbles down a cliff. Belle and the bear are face to face, and Rumpel shows up. Belle tells him to run, but he says he’s not running this time. The bear cracks him one and he goes flying. He tells the bear to do her worst, and then throws a bag of magic whatever in her mouth and the bear changes back to Merida. Belle asks how he knew it would work and he says he didn’t. Mushy stuff with Belle and Rumpel, while Merida lies there on the ground feeling like an idiot.

Merida thanks parallel Belle for helping her get her kingdom back, and Belle leaves to go to Rumpel.

Storeybrooke Merlin tells Emma that he’s always wanted to try a certain candy bar, and Emma remembers him being an usher in a movie theater where she saw The Sword in the Stone as a girl. He had told her that one day she’d be in a position to remove Excalibur, but he tells her now not to do it.

Rumpel wants to make a deal with Dark Emma. He says he’ll remove Excalibur if she gives Merida her heart back. After balking for 5 seconds, Dark Emma puts Merida’s heart back where it belongs. Rumpel tells Belle that if things don’t work out, he’s sorry for everything. He removes Excalibur and cuts off Dark Emma’s head. Just kidding. He says a deal’s a deal, and gives her the sword. He tells Dark Emma that she’s made a mistake in turning him into a hero. She says Storybrooke is loaded with heroes and none of them have been able to stop her. He says that’s because none of them are him.

David finds the burned mushroom and says they obviously can’t trust Arthur. Regina says Henry can help them since he’s the author of the story. Henry puts the mushroom into a bubbling cauldron, and Hologram Merlin rises out of it. He starts telling them something, but then says the dark one has found him and disappears.

The Walking Dead

We begin with Morgan talking to someone we don’t see. He says they’ve wanted everything from him and he’s going to give it to them. The word “Then” is shown and Morgan is in what looks like some kind of cell with a blackboard. He’s yelling at someone while a lantern on the floor looks like it’s going to burn the place down. This is a confusing episode start, but they like to do that.

Now Morgan is in the woods picking off some zombies. He puts them in a pile, covers them with dried leaves and sets them on fire. Way to start a forest fire. Where is Smokey the Bear when you need him? Oops! One of those zombies wasn’t quite dead and gives a whole new meaning to the term burning man festival. Satisfied with his day’s work, Morgan has a beer.

Two guys who are not zombies come running through the woods. Morgan gets one in the throat with a sharpened stick and strangles the other. He burns them too. I have no clue what’s going on here, except that Morgan is a firebug.

Morgan is talking to himself, saying, “You know what it is,” and does some clumsy ballet moves with the stick. He sees a house with a goat tied out front. He’s about to steal the goat when a voice tells him to leave the goat alone. The voice tells him to put the gun down and come inside for some falafel. I’m not even making that up. He comes closer to the cabin and the voice tells him it’s his last chance to put the gun down. When he doesn’t, he gets whacked in the head from behind by a guy who looks like Friar Tuck.

Morgan comes to in a cell. There’s a lot of that going around. The friar has changed into work clothes, and tells Morgan he should be more careful. Morgan yells “Kill me,” a couple of times. He tosses Morgan a book on The Art of Peace. The watch goat sounds an alarm and the guy runs out and intercepts a zombie. He gives Morgan some food.

The next day, he tells Morgan his name is Eastman and that he rehabilitated prisoners before the apocalypse. He asks Morgan what he does or did. Morgan says kill anyone who gets near him. Nice. When Eastman is out on his morning constitutional, Morgan works the zipper pull of his jacket and tries cutting around one of the window bars. When Eastman comes back in, he says he believes Morgan must be suffering from PTSD. Morgan tells him about killing the two guys. Eastman asks if Morgan has saved anyone. He says he saw a wedding ring, so Morgan must have had someone in his life. He supposes Morgan saw them get zombiefied. Morgan says he has to kill him because he was born to “clear,” whatever that means. Eastman says that he’s only met one truly evil person, that it’s usually some kind of trauma that causes people to do bad things. It turns out the cell door was open the whole time. I’m sure this is all very philosophical and Morgan wrecked his jacket for nothing. Eastman tells him he can go or stay, but he won’t allow Morgan to kill him. Morgan opens the cell door, acts like he’s leaving and then attacks Eastman with his stick.

Eastman gets the better of him, but then Morgan gets the better of Eastman. It reverses again, but in the end Eastman pins Morgan to the ground until he gets ahold of himself, like you would with a kid having a tantrum. Morgan asks Eastman to kill him again, which is getting old, but Eastman says he gave Morgan two choices and that wasn’t one of them. Morgan goes back to the cell and closes the door. Eastman opens it and Morgan kicks it shut again.

Later, Eastman tells him that it was aikido he was using to kick Morgan’s ass. He tells Morgan about how his daughter found him crying in the garage after work. She gave him her rabbit’s foot and told him it will make things better. He discovered aikido the next day. Eastman says they’re going on a trip. He has no idea where, but he doesn’t want to go by himself.

Eastman is also on a mission to learn how to make goat cheese. He tells Morgan he has a lot of supplies, but wants to scavenge some things for the trip. He asks Morgan to watch the goat while he’s gone. I swear, if Morgan touches that goat, I’ll kill him myself. He picks up the book and reads that the basic creed of aikido is to not kill, even if it’s the most evil person. He hears the goat making warning sounds and knocks off a couple of zombies.

I hope his attitude changes by the end of this episode, because he’s annoying the crap out of me. He finds a makeshift graveyard and is burying the zombies when Eastman comes back. Eastman thanks him for saving the goat and checks the zombies’ pockets for ID so that he can make grave markers. I am having such a bad feeling here that this is going to end in some depressing way.

Commercial break. The Talking Dead is having 2 surprise cast members tonight. That’s not good.

Eastman wants to teach Morgan aikido. He says you’re to care about the welfare of your opponent and that all life is precious, not just yours. Morgan gets aikido lessons and reads the book. At dinner, Morgan asks what’s up with the cell in his living room. Eastman tells him that back in the day, he interviewed prisoners up for parole and there was a guy who said and did all the right things, but he could see the guy was a psychopath. The prisoner discovered that he knew, dropped the facade and was going to kill Eastman because he knew Eastman would make sure he’d never get out of prison. I would say that’s not the best solution, but he got out anyway and killed Eastman’s family. (Here I would say this is pretty far-fetched, but I was friends with Richie Adan who was murdered by Jack Henry Abbott after Norman Mailer had helped him get released.) Eastman built the cell because he was going to put this guy in it, but he came to believe all life is precious.  I just know this episode is going to break my heart somehow.

Eastman asks Morgan who he lost and what were their names. Morgan wants to have a pity party, but Eastman says no, we’re doing some aikido instead. While they’re doing a drill, a zombie comes out of the woods. It’s one of the guys Morgan killed and Morgan becomes paralyzed. Eastman intervenes and gets bitten. My prediction was correct. Morgan is furious. Eastman says let’s go home, that Morgan “made it out,” and can’t go back. They fight with the aikido sticks and once again Morgan goes back to the “kill me” business.

Commercial break. An “episode” of Fear 462. One of the characters used to be on All My Children a really long time ago. So long, I don’t remember what her name is or her character’s name. Julie rings a bell, but I’m not positive.

This is just dismal now. Morgan is on a hunt for zombies in the woods. He kills one and there are two hikers that had been frozen in their tracks. The girl takes a can of beans and a bullet out of her bag, puts them down as an offering to Morgan and says, thank you. I’m glad he didn’t kill them.

Oh my heart. I can’t take this. Morgan comes home to find the goat being eaten by a zombie. Eastman is a beat behind him and says she must have figured out the door wasn’t locked and gotten out. I want to cry.

Eastman finishes the story about the prisoner. He did accomplish his mission and when the prisoner was eventually released, he kidnapped him. He put him in the cell and let him starve to death. It took 47 days. He says he was like Morgan was, but it gave him no peace. He found peace when he decided to never kill anything again. I guess this cabin is pretty remote, because when he went to turn himself in, he found out about the apocalypse.

Eastman isn’t looking too good. He says he’s ready to go and he has a gun locked away. He gives Morgan his rabbit’s foot and says he hopes it’s lucky for Morgan too. This whole thing is very painful and I’m glad they’re not showing the suicide. Morgan is truly alone once again.

Morgan leaves the cabin, walking past Eastman’s grave marker. He sees the sign and map for Terminus, smiles, and heads down the train tracks. And we all know how that ended up.

We’re back to now, and Morgan is with a Wolf that he’d abducted, to whom he’d been telling the story. The Wolf asks if Morgan thinks there’s hope for him and Morgan says yes. The Wolf shows Morgan that he has a bite mark. He says he knows he’s probably going die, that if he doesn’t, he’ll have to kill everyone there. All righty then.

Morgan leaves and locks the door. And I still don’t know what was going on with that fire in the beginning.

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part 3

I love Heather’s dress and earrings! We dive right into the Brooks thing, even showing an ancient clip with an ex-Housewife Laurie. Tamra tells some old story too. Shannon asks if Vicki thinks Brooks really has cancer and she says yes. Briana says early on, Brooks had said he had pancreatic cancer, but it was really pancreatitis.

They cut to a one-on-one interview by Andy with Brooks, who “couldn’t be there.” I’ll bet. I wouldn’t want to be there either with that bunch of women ganging up on me. He talks about the Newport Imaging PET scan. Brooks says that he went to Hogue for the test, but his oncologist practices at both places and the results were dictated at Newport.  Andy brings up the pancreatitis thing. He says he never talked to Briana directly about it, that it was Vicki who passed along the wrong info. Briana makes a bunch of faces in a little box in the corner of the screen.

Vicki says she doesn’t have proof if he has cancer or not and everyone yells at her for “protecting” Brooks. Shannon says she has proof. She took a screen shot of the report and compared it with a test she had taken there. She whips out a copy of one of their reports and gives us all kinds of information about how they do stuff there. She says the mess that his report was isn’t even comparable. Vicki heaves a huge sigh. Back at the Brooks interview, Andy points out the inconsistencies between what Vicki and Brooks have said. Brooks says she misspeaks quite a bit. Andy asks if he has anything to say to Meghan, and he says F-off. Now tell us how you really feel. Andy asks why he doesn’t show Heather’s husband Terry the report, and he says he wishes he had and that he will. Heather says it hasn’t happened yet. Vicki admits to fabricating a story about Terry’s involvement because she wanted people to have compassion. The women go nuts on her and at least Andy comes to her defense for telling the truth.

Andy says Meghan went to great lengths to disprove Brooks’s cancer. Meghan starts crying about the dinner party where Vicki went off on her and her husband’s ex-wife just dying from cancer. Vicki says she still believes Brooks has cancer and she had even gone to chemo with him once. Heather says Vicki is too smart for this and Tamra asks what does Brooks have on her to make her lie? Andy asks if Vicki is scared of Brooks and she kind of nods. She says he was more verbally abusive. Briana says that she’s seem him be physically abusive. She says she saw Brooks shake Vicki and it was in front of a room full of people, so what does he do behind closed doors? I’m wondering why nobody in that room full of people, including Briana, say something?

Vicki says that no one seemed to care when Brooks was diagnosed, and Shannon gets pretty upset. We flash back to just about every interaction with Shannon and Vicki last season. We also see the bit where Tamra said Vicki might be going to hell for lying. All the women agree. I wonder where on earth the Christians in the bunch get this stuff, and consider writing to Tamra’s “pasture” again.

Shannon goes nuts, talking about how she was loyal to Vicki. Vicki talks about her mother passing away and Meghan idiotically says that shouldn’t affect the other areas of her life. Vicki admits that her gut reaction is that Brooks doesn’t have cancer. Andy says Vicki seems disconnected and outs Vicki for taking some Xanax. Geez, nothing is sacred. She says nobody wants to feel duped, and she feels sad, but relieved to not be with him any longer. However, she sticks with the fact that she never had definitive proof that he does or doesn’t have cancer. Briana talks about how she’s been back home and has her old room back. There’s something about her that I just don’t like. Maybe it’s that she claims to be so independent, yet I get the feeling she’s very dependent.They take a break and Tamra, Briana and Vicki discuss the whole thing. Tamra says she’s heartbroken and wants the old Vicki back.

I think my problem with this bunch is, although they might be coming from a good place (I’m not so sure about Meghan – I think that one has a screw loose), they’re loud and relentless. They never once gave Vicki a break when her mother had just passed away. And yes, Meghan, something like that can affect other areas of your life. It was like they were torturing this poor woman instead of helping the situation. Honestly, sometimes they come off like they’ve had no life experience whatsoever, and certainly can’t seem to walk in anyone else’s shoes.

Awww, it’s our final moments of the reunion. Andy asks Meghan how her experience was, and I don’t care. He points out that Vicki copped to her culpability in the Brooks business, but says it wasn’t enough to satisfy the other wives. Shannon says blah-blah-blah about her marriage and that she’s disappointed in her friendship with Vicki. Tamra gets all choked up about being grateful and says she hopes her friendship with Vicki can be mended. Vicki says she’s not in a good place, that she’s sad, but she also feels refreshed.

Andy passes out fireball shots and I wish I’d had several while watching this.

Oct31

October 30, 2015 — Halloween in Port Charles & a Zombie Museum

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital – Thursday

I guess I didn’t miss anything yesterday, since everyone seems to be acting normally. Or at least as normal as they’re going to be in Port Charles.

Halloween is here! Emma has decided on the Evie costume (Paul told her it gave her “an edge”), Sam is the Evil Queen (been there, done that), and Patrick is a doctor (a real stretch) along with Danny as his mini-me. “Jake” and the rest of the boys are a football team

Spinelli has stayed behind to work on the “Jake” project. “All Hallows Eve,” he tells us, “is a night when secrets are revealed.” I live in hope, but not really. He’s also answering the door for trick-or-treaters, and Maxie shows up.

Dillon and Lulu are getting ready for The Haunted Star Halloween Extravaganza, but Lulu tells him she doesn’t see how they can be friends again. After a real just one kiss? She’s a little ridiculous. That almost rhymed. The PA, Andy, is editing his behind-the-scenes film and comes across the part where Valerie tells Dillon she slept with Dante and they didn’t know the camera was on. He says “whoa,” but I don’t because I already knew all that.

Ava, who always has the best outfits – today it’s a shocking blue number with black lace detail – is on the phone leaving a message for Kiki, asking her for help with the custody battle. Tracy shows up and says she wants “a piece of work,” but doesn’t mean Ava.

Paul tries to give Dillon some romance advice, and tells him to not give up. Rah-rah.

Andy is supposed to be setting up the music, and Lulu interrupts his film watching. He runs into Valerie in the hallway and tells her she looks smokin’ hot (she’s dressed as a 1950s schoolgirl and “cute” might be more appropriate). He asks if she has a better relationship going on and we both say, “Huh?” Valerie is looking for Lulu and goes in the editing room which is now a dressing room. Lulu is going with sexy cop. Zzzzzz….

Spinelli and Maxie SKYPE with their baby, Georgie, and then say how flawless she is. “A perfect collections of atoms,” Spinelli says.

Tracy is looking for a specific artist that only Ava’s gallery carries. She says that Ava shouldn’t expect Kiki’s help, and that Avery didn’t exactly hit the parent jackpot with a sociopath and a mob boss, but she picks Sonny to be the better parent regardless. I dunno. I like Ava. I like her more than I do Sonny anyway.

Dante tells Sonny the truth about Valerie. Sonny tells him it’s not going to do anyone any good for Dante to wallow in regret and suggests he go to confession.

Lulu tells Valerie that there’s weird tension between her and Dillon now, but Valerie tells her she shouldn’t give up the friendship. She says that Dillon has done a lot for her family and she should give him a break.

Commercial break. I am so tired of everything being “connected.” Sorry, but when I leave the house, I don’t want the phone, computer and television following me. I leave the house to get away from all that.

Ava tells Tracy to get lost, that she doesn’t need the sale that bad. Tracy runs into Paul at the door.

Andy tells Dillon he’d better take a look at the film. Yep.

Spinelli gives Maxie a book on goddesses, because she’s dressed like one and it’s not the first time. She says next time at leastshe’ll know which one she is. Spinelli says she’ll always be a goddess to him and they say they’ll always love each other. I wish they meant it that way. Nathan is hot, but I miss Spinelli, and I was never crazy about Ellie. Although it all seemed like just a vehicle to get Georgie off the canvas.

Elizabeth, now in her cheerleader outfit, is back home from trick-or-treating with the guys. Young Jake still keeps insisting that “Jake” is his father. Elizabeth asks “Jake” to consider adopting Jake and Cameron after they get married.

Nooooo! Maxie just spilled coffee all over Spinelli’s keyboard while the whole shebang was downloading. I actually said, “Noooo!” and gasped out loud and all the dogs looked at me like, what up? What up is that I’d better not have to wait until Christmas for this reveal. I’m more disappointed than Spinelli.

Sam tries to sop the mess up with a towel. Maxie is mortified and Spinelli tells her it’s fine. No. It’s not. She has to leave and suggests he put the laptop in some rice. (?) When she’s gone, Spinelli tells Sam it’s “an unmitigated disaster.” OMG, I can’t stand it.

Elizabeth talks to the boys alone about “Jake” adopting them. The boys are excited about it, and young Jake says he’s on board even though “Jake” doesn’t need to adopt him. This kid is like a dog with a bone.

Paul says he’s there to look at the same collection Tracy was interested in. He tells Tracy that Dillon turned down his funding offer because he wouldn’t feel right taking more money, and Tracy wonders whose child Dillon is. She says they can be supportive by going to The Haunted Star party, and he says he’ll meet her there.

Dante tells Sonny that Dillon knows about his indiscretion because Valerie told him. Sonny says she might be cool, but she obviously has no impulse control, and that he has to tell Lulu before someone else does. For once, I agree with him. Mostly because I want to see the fireworks.

Spinelli uses the hairdryer on the keyboard, when “Jake” shows up. He acts really cute with Danny and he seems like a natural as a dad. I feel Spinelli’s pain with that keyboard. I did the same thing twice in a row and finally got a keyboard you can put in the dishwasher.

Elizabeth tells Patrick that she’s glad “Jake” has stopped with chasing his real identity. And Patrick goes, D’oh! Because he know better.

Ava gets a text from her lawyer saying that under no circumstances will Kiki help her out. She starts to cry and Paul tells her to trust him, that it’s going to be okay. Then he kisses her big time. I’d just been thinking they might be good together.

Tracy tells Maxie she’ll be glad to contribute funding to the film, but she’d like a producer credit and a “teeny, tiny” say in the final cut. Maxie wonders why she bothered to ask.

Lulu and Dillon make up and while they’re hugging it out, Lulu sees a freeze frame of Dillon talking to Valerie on the laptop screen.

Patrick goes humana-humana, and says Elizabeth should try and see it from “Jake’s” side, that he wants to make sure he’s the man she needs him to be. She says blah-blah-blah, because I stopped listening to her a long time ago.

Spinelli says it’s do or die time. It’s back! The laptop is working! Hallelujah!

Jake gets a text from “Unknown” that says, “We’re coming for you.” Great. I hope they don’t come before we find out who he really is.

Lulu asks what’s on the screen and Dillon tells her it’s probably behind-the-scenes stuff. She says she guesses Valerie made the cut and wonders if she did. And then…SHE PRESSES THE BUTTON TO START THE FILM. Please, oh please, oh please.

Sonny tells Dante that being a man means making mistakes and figuring out how to fix them. (I think there might be a little more to it than that, but okay.) Dante says he’ll come clean with Lulu. I am so hoping it’s after she sees that film clip. I’m making popcorn.

Side comment: Since GH ends slightly before the hour, because we all know ABC can’t wait to give you the bad news, I flipped to CBS and saw the preview for tomorrow’s Dr. Phil. Jared Fogle is one huge deviant. I think Subway stock just plummeted to nothing from even that small clip.

General Hospital – Friday

Halloween continues. The Haunted Star is rocking and rolling. Morgan is dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow. How 2003 of him.

Dammit! Lulu hits play, but Dillon slams the laptop shut.

Franco and Nina are getting ready for the party or maybe they’re going to have their own party. Franco doesn’t want to give Kiki a ride (I have no clue what her costume is supposed to be – punk hipster?), and tells her to call a car. She’s been banned from the taxi company though, since she threw up in a cab. I guess they don’t have Uber. Ava shows up with baby Avery, who is dressed as a baby unicorn.

Andy shows up and Lulu goes back to tend to her guests. Dillon wants to know what’s up with the behind-the-scenes footage.

Paul shows up while Anna is at the docks. She tells him she thinks he’s part of a cover-up involving the deceased Carrrlos. Paul asks her what she sees when she looks in the mirror, and that he sees a decent person who’s crumbling from the inside out. He says she’s been a wreck since she came back to Port Charles. Then he says it. “You murdered Carrrlos Rivera.”

Sabrrrina (a princess) tells Felix (a vampire) that the baby might not be Michael’s. She tells him about her tryst with Carrrlos.

“Jake” is at (where else?) The Floating Rib with Carly, Michael and Sam. It’s a pseudo bachelor party. Yay! Karaoke time! “Jake” and Sam get up to sing. Their book of songs looks a lot more organized than the one where I do karaoke. I’m disappointed that we don’t get to hear anyone sing.

Spinelli tells Sam that the reconstruction should be completed shortly, but then what? I’ll tell him what. He’s going to see Jason’s face and I can stop putting quotes around Jake’s name.

Elizabeth gets a gift of a family heirloom and note from Audrey, apologizing for not being able to make the ceremony, but sending much love. Since we see her writing it, I assume Rachel Ames either wasn’t able to participate more than that or they didn’t want to pay her for more than that.

Dante tells Nathan (a gladiator) that he’s going to come clean with Lulu. Dante is dressed as a cheating husband.

Dillon tells Andy to delete the footage. Andy says it’s 50% of his grade, but he won’t include that part. I’m a little confused why he just can’t edit it out immediately.

Maxie is hitting up Morgan for some funding. He wants a scene with Darby, who he’s at the party with. I thought he made up with Kiki. WTH? Ohh, I’ll bet I did miss something yesterday.

Kiki tells Ava not to push her or she’ll tell the DA everything she’s ever done. Franco asks her to leave. She begs Kiki to let her fix things, but it’s a no. Ava asks Franco to help with the Kiki situation. She says that none of this would have happened if Franco hadn’t left her to die on the bridge. He says he’ll take it under advisement. She says that when he’s sitting around getting fat off of Nina’s money, to remember that he could have saved Avery from Sonny.

OMG, I think I know what’s going to happen. Dillon is supposed to show “the sizzle reel,” whatever that means, to help them promote the film. Maybe it will be a sizzle in a different way.

Good Lord, I can’t stand it. Something is up with Ellie, and Spinelli says he’s going home at once. No, no, no, no, no. Not before that reconstruction finishes. He leaves a phone message for Sam, saying he has to go, but he’s leaving the laptop with her. Are they on dial-up or something? What takes days to download anymore?

Paul tells Anna that he has enough evidence to convict her, but doesn’t want to send her to prison. Paul planted Carrrlos’s wallet on another body that was too decomposed for them to tell, and had it cremated before anyone could ask too many questions. Or check dental records.

Lulu tells Tracy that she and Dante want to try for another child. Tracy tells her she’s not going to give out any unicorns and rainbows, and that Lulu has enough on her plate.

Valerie tells Dante she made it into the police academy. Valerie and Dante hug it out and Dillon is lurking. Dante wants to tell her about how he’s going to confess to Lulu, but she says it’s not a good time and disappears.

Paul tells Anna that she deserves a break, that she only made one bad decision. He says that maybe she’ll be in a position to return the favor one day.

Sabrrrina says she’s barely holding it together, and Felix tells her she needs to take a paternity test.

Patrick says something to Elizabeth about having cold feet, because she’s getting married “tomorrow.”  Um, even in Soapland, the day after Halloween isn’t November 6.

Kiki makes it to the party. She’s looking for Morgan, who is getting busy with Darby somewhere. I can’t tell if he’s still at the party or they’re at a hotel.

Anna sees Carrrlos! I would so love it if he wasn’t really dead. No body, no dead, I say. Even sometimes when there’s a body, they’re not dead.

Here comes the sizzle reel…. YES! And the remote won’t work. Thank you! Thank you! This just made my Halloween.

Spinelli gives Carly the laptop and asks her tells her to pass it along to Sam. The facial recognition is now 99% complete. These people are going to kill me yet.

The last thing we see is “Jake’s” face turn into Jason’s on the laptop screen. Finally. I hope.

Z Nation

Operation Bite Mark is assessing their supplies, which pretty much consist of a handful of bullets, some batteries, and a few pieces of chewing gum “for repair purposes only.”

Doc wakes Murphy, who’s been dreaming of brains. And I don’t mean smarts, I mean a snack. While helping Doc forage for lunch, Murphy sees a brain hanging from a rope. When he investigates, he falls into a hole. Like one of those cartoon traps. A zombie is there already, eating some brains. When the zombie holds them out to Murphy, he dips his finger in them and puts it across his gums, as though it was cocaine. And it gives him a jolt like the same.

A dude in a steampunk outfit enters the hole, knocks Murphy out and tangles with the zombie, killing him. Murphy wakes up in a lab. Steampunk dude is doing some kind of experiments, and is startled that Murphy seems to have a certain amount of comprehension. Because Murphy has been choked out, he can’t quite speak. Oh, I get it. Steampunk Dude (who actually looks like a middle-aged hippie) set the trap for experiment subjects.

Murphy asks for water. He gets his voice back, and Steampunk Dude brings out a recording of Citizen Z describing Murphy. At least he got a clue pretty quickly. What he decides to do about Murphy is yet to be seen.

Murphy ends up in a shock collar. He says his friends will be looking for him. Steampunk Dude gets a little nuts, talking about the CDC (the organization that Murphy is headed to). Apparently, he’s been hassling them for years, and has a stack of returned mail, with the addresses written in crayon, to prove it. No doubt he has some cease and desist letters too. He also constantly makes notes on cards he keeps on a makeshift Rolodex around his neck.

Steampunk Dude has been banned from Comicon because he was actually serious about being a zombie hunter. He’s created a zombie museum. A lot of nerdy repartee happens while he shows Murphy his collection. He also has an interesting Groot. He says that George Romero working social commentary into horror films has resonance. Murphy sees a poster for Dawn of the Dead and says scary and funny is the way he likes his zombies. There is a whole lot of discussion about Dawn of the Dead. Steampunk Dude says Romero never explained why the dead rise and that’s more horrifying than anything else. Good point. Steampunk Dude says Murphy is to be revered. Geez, you’d think he’d take off the shock collar then. Steampunk Dude has hot running water, and Murphy gets a shower. Probably the first one in who knows how long.

After his shower, Murphy is getting dressed when Steampunk Dude struggles with a zombie. Murphy gets the best of him while he’s distracted, says he must be on his way, and then gets shot in the back with some kind of dart. Shit. Steampunk Dude says that Murphy is only the CDC’s pawn, and if anyone wants to see him, they’ll have to go through Steampunk Dude first. His plans are to have an interactive display in his museum with Murphy.

He puts Murphy in the guest chair and does some kind of public access show called Dead Live, that I imagine is for posterity since there’s no electricity for people to watch TV.  I do learn his name is Dean though. He takes a bone marrow sample from Murphy with a six or eight inch needle (he isn’t sure which) because science is all about trying, and he wants to see if it tells him anything.

In an interview segment, Murphy says he was in prison and being used as a guinea pig for experimental drugs by the CDC. When the prison was overrun with zombies, he was bitten, but survived. He said he made a promise to eat the doctor’s brains that was in charge of the experiments.

We periodically see OBM searching through every house for Murphy in the meantime.

Dean continues to interview Murphy about everything from what happens when he bites someone (he says nothing special, even though we know otherwise, and they flash back to Cassandra) and whether he can control zombies with his thoughts (“that’s how rumors get started”). He tells Dean that he doesn’t know what brains taste like because he’s never eaten them, and Dean responds by saying, “For the first time on television…” When Dean leaves to put the bone marrow sample in the fridge, Murphy taps into the brain of a lab zombie and tells him to cut Murphy’s bonds with a medical tool. Before that can be accomplished though, Dean returns.

Dean has a display of live zombies, chained behind an electric fence. In the “Celebrity Zombie Room,” it’s George RR Martin signing books. Murphy doesn’t know who he is because they didn’t have HBO in prison. Dean says they were both at the last Comicon when the apocalypse happened.  Because the autograph reflexes run so deep, George can still autograph books and Dean says he’ll make a mint when eBay comes back and he has thousands of them. He asks Murphy if his telepathic powers can get George to finish his last book. I’m with him one that. Murphy picks up a manuscript that begins, “Summer is here,” (ha-ha!) and wonders why 800 pages isn’t enough (snort). Murphy asks if he can keep one of the books and slams Dean in the head with it. Running past the exhibit, he sees a chair meant for him. Dean chases him through what looks like an old hotel all the while giving him various monetary incentives to stick around. When Murphy reaches the front door, Dean says 50/50 is the best he can do. Dean pushes a buzzer and tells Murphy to go, but the door is electrified. Dean says Murphy is dangerous and he’s  going to drain Murphy’s blood and freeze it. He keeps using the shock collar on Murphy and its pissing me off.

10K is at the door! Murphy can’t see him, and Dean keeps shocking him, so he can’t do anything. This is a freakin’ stressful moment. Dean goes to the door and 10K says he’s looking for a friend. Dean says he hasn’t seen anyone. 10K isn’t satisfied though and keeps asking questions. He finally leaves, but gets in to the building through the kitchen. He walks past the live display and finds Murphy, with an IV draining his blood.

Here comes the ohshitohshitohshit moment.

Dean comes up behind 10K and shocks him. I guess this is the only way to incapacitate both zombies and people. He wants Murphy to turn 10K. In a zombie way.10K begs him not to turn him into “one of those things.” Murphy says he doesn’t know what 10K is talking about, and Dean shocks him. Murphy tells 10K not to be afraid. 10K says he doesn’t fear Murphy, he hates him and wishes he would die for real. They both get another shock when Murphy says they finally agree on something. Dean fires a warning shot and says if Murphy doesn’t bite 10K, he’ll shoot them both. OBM has heard the shot. Murphy is about to bite 10K when he asks Dean if he’s sure that’s what he wants. Dean says to show him what it’s like to be a zombie. This was probably the wrong thing to say, as Murphy sics the now loose display zombies on him. So much blood has been drained from Murphy, he passes out, and the zombies look at 10K

This is not good. And it doesn’t matter that 10K says, “I’m with him,” pointing to the unconscious Murphy. OBM arrives and has just enough bullets to get rid of the zombies. They wheel Murphy out as he regains consciousness.

Vasquez gets the collar off of Murphy. Doc sets up the IV to put the blood back into Murphy. Murphy asks Roberta to promise not to leave him alone when they get to California and she does. Murphy seems alone and afraid, and it’s a little sad.

IMO, this was one of the best episodes ever. Not only did we get a lot of Murphy’s backstory, it appealed to the nerd in me. The original Dawn of the Dead is one of my favorite horror films, and the banter about it was excellent. The George RR Martin cameo was a real delight as well.

Oct29

October 28, 2015 — GH Interrupted & Twice the LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Liz tells Ric about her upcoming nuptials. Ric gets together with Sonny to discuss the custody case.

Scotty goes to Ava’s gallery, which is chock full of cartoonlike paintings of lizards, to discuss the custody case with her. Ava brings up the obvious, that Sonny is in the mob. Scotty says that every time he goes to prison, he commits an act of heroism and everyone loves him. Scotty tells her that she’d better make nice with Kiki before the custody hearing, so that Kiki will be supportive.

“Jake” apologizes to Spinelli for his outburst. Spinelli says that he purged the files when he got caught (much to his “everlasting shame”) and needs “Jake” to get a legitimate copy of his medical records.

Just as Dillon is about to tell Lulu about Dante and Valerie, Nathan and Valerie come in. Nathan tells Lulu that her beer delivery is there and she says she’ll be right back. I pass out from holding my breath for the last 24 hours.

Kiki wants to text Morgan an apology (why?), but hesitates in sending it. She does. He recieves while at the hospital where half the cast lives now. He comes to see her, and she apologizes for being a drunken jerk. She also says there are a lot of leftovers from Nathan and Maxie’s visit. No doubt they are soggy and stale, but Morgan says he’ll go fix them a plate. Ha-ha-ha! While he’s out of the room, new girl Darby texts Morgan, asking him if he wants to hang out and Kiki texts back that he can’t because he’s “busy having sex with Kiki.” Good one!

Maxie tells Nathan that Dillon told her he has something on Dante, but she still hasn’t found out what. Valerie takes Dillon aside and asks what’s up. Dillon says he’s had enough of Dante’s hypocrisy. Valerie says it will destroy Lulu, not to mention her, which I file under “who cares.” Lulu comes in and Valerie covers by saying she’s back together with Dillon, to which he agrees. Dammit!

Maxie asks Dante to make Nathan tell her his secret because they should share everything and he gets really nasty, saying she’s the last one who should be talking about giving up information, since she carried a child for nine months, telling them it was Dante and Lulu’s when it wasn’t. I want Lulu to find out about him more than ever.

“Jake” is having lunch with Elizabeth and she says she has an early wedding present for him. While she’s off fetching it, he goes to the desk to get a copy of his medical records.

Nice. ABC broke in for a memorial service. I feel badly about the cop that was killed, but it’s gotten ridiculous that they think everything needs everyone’s attention, and nothing can wait until 4 pm’s news anymore.

Turning to People’s Court.

Little Women LA – Reunion Part 1

I can tell you right now, it’s hard to take someone seriously who’s wearing a blue wig or a mohawk.

Oh great, it looks like Bravo is getting them drunk first. This ought to be a real sh*tshow.  I don’t even see one hors d’oeuvre there. Just liquor.

Before they even introduce the women, we trip down Memory Lane with every argument they’ve ever had. Way to warm them up. At least it doesn’t look like they’re sitting in someone’s garage this time.

We start off with Jasmine’s introduction to the group and Tonya telling her she can’t just “walk in and fit in.” Tonya thinks it’s funny that she tried to aggressively grab Jasmine’s hair when Jasmine tried to avoid a fight with her. Elena says Jasmine tried to be too sweet to everyone. Whatever that means. Jasmine says that’s just how she is. Elena says Jasmine had texted her about getting into the entertainment industry and apparently this is a bad thing. I guess because it’s competitive? Terra says Jasmine is secretly just as loud and obnoxious as the rest of them. Okay.

Whoa. These girls are really picking on Jasmine. Elena seems to think Jasmine had an ulterior motive to make friends with them, but this really sounds like some kind of sour grapes thing. I didn’t get that vibe from Jasmine at all, and she certainly didn’t come across that way in her individual interviews, which is where they usually drop any pretense.

Now we’re on to other new girl, Britney. This chick really did get off to a bad start, by intimating that Elena had some kind of unsavory relationship with David, Britney’s dad, while she was married. Terra says she’s worse than Jasmine because she makes up things. Terra is also the only one in this group who calls Britney’s dad “Davide,” and I want to know why. Britney looks like she’s going to cry, although she kind of backtracks about the Elena thing. (I have to admit, he is cute and charming.) Now Elena is on Terra’s case because what Terra said Britney said (ha-ha! I sound like I’m I middle school) wasn’t exactly what Britney said when Elena saw the episode. Of course Terra says that there was more to it that wasn’t aired. Like Bravo wouldn’t have stirred that pot. David comes out to clear things up. He says he dated Christy before she was with Todd, but he was only friends with Elena. Now Terra is changing Elena’s words from David being supportive when she was going through a tough time with Preston, to that David hit on her.

I guess we’re going to drag this out. Elena says that she told Terra that she thought maybe David was having feelings for her. The moderator asks if David regrets anything. Yeah, just getting involved with this group is probably a world of regret.

Next, we’re on to Todd and Christy’s efforts to have a child. Todd joins them. He says the artificial insemination process was very painful physically for Christy, which is why he didn’t want to go that route again. He says they were so focused on the whole thing, they neglected everything else, like each other. Christy says they’re both goal oriented, so they both forgot to stop and smell the roses. Or something like that.

We see some “lost footage,” that’s not that lost, and is mostly sex talk during their Palm Springs weekend. Briana says it was a great weekend, but Christy says the only thing that stands out in her mind is that Briana was lying by not telling them she was married. Tonya says when you hide something, it means you’re not sure of it yourself. I can’t say I’ve ever heard that theory. Elena says that Briana didn’t say anything because everyone hated Matt from the get-go. They go on and on and on about how Briana lied and I get dizzy.

Matt joins the group. We flash back to everyone lambasting Briana for breathing the same air as Matt. In one of the clips, Terra says that since Matt has a record, he won’t be getting a job. Someone should clue her in that plenty of people with records get jobs. Briana says that every time his name even came up, she got grief, so she decided not to say anything about it to the girls. Briana says they were in Vegas for her birthday, and it was a spontaneous move. Terra says Briana had said she wanted to move slowly with him, and she knocked them for a loop. Jasmine says she’s a grown ass woman, and Terra counters with then she shouldn’t behave like a child and lie. Matt’s cheating is brought up. IMO, I have no clue if Matt is a bad guy, and although I understand girlfriends protecting each other, these girls went at her like a bunch of machine guns constantly. It’s not surprising she wouldn’t tell them her business. It wasn’t the message, it was the delivery.

Matt and Terra start getting into it about whether or not he has a record. It sounds to me like he might have been arrested, but never convicted and it was probably a domestic dispute. Matt says that when he cheated (which was sexting), Briana had dumped him and they weren’t together. There is some argument about this, since the girls say Briana had said they were together at the time. Briana says not so. I have no idea since everyone seems to make it up as they go along.

OMG, they bring out their special guest, Michaela, the woman Matt sexted. I don’t want to say she’s unattractive, but…

We have to wait until next week to see what Michaela has to say. It looks like there’s going to be quite a ruckus. A few ruckuses actually.

Million Dollar Listing: LA

Madison, a dude from previous seasons, is showing James and his clients a house in Malibu. It’s really modern and not my style, but everything always seems to be about the view anyway. I guess that’s because you can always tear down a house, but the view is the view. The house is right on the ocean. I mean right on the ocean. Like 3 feet away. The potential buyer couple is concerned about natural disasters, and rightly so. I live near the ocean myself. Although not that close.

JoshA is meeting with a developer. He shows Josh his house, and asks the developer’s young daughter what she thinks of the ceiling detail. She says it’s “modern, yet inviting,” and we know she’s precocious. When they sit down to deal, she’s a shark. As always, the sellers want more than the broker thinks they can get. He says that to overprice in a hot market is a bad idea. Josh thinks he’s being punked when he asks what happens if he doesn’t get a bite in the first week, and the kid says it’s on him. They compromise by agreeing that if there is nothing in the first week, the price goes lower.

JoshF is showing houses to buyers who are hinging their decision on if their painting likes it. Yes, you read that right. He shows them an “arts and crafts” bungalow from the 1920s. I’m in, and the painting likes it. Hey Mikey! It hasn’t hit the market yet, and Josh says that they need to go to full ask, which the husband is not too keen on. He wants to start with $1.7 million, when full ask is $2 million. It always boggles my mind when the buyers get stupid over what’s a small amount in the long run. I think these two might be making a mistake.

James and Madison show James’s couple a house with an empty property in back of it. Just by coincidence, a friend of Madison’s owns the empty lot and will be happy to sell it. Since they want privacy, it’s a win-win all around. James gives them some lemons that are the size of footballs in celebration.

Josh is showing the developer’s place. He explains to his assistants the ins and outs of how the property should be presented for what the buyer is asking. It’s a brokers’ open house and they all balk at the price. David has teamed with JoshA on this one too. Bravo realizes we’re bored, so they’ve decided to shuffle the broker deck.

The couple’s lowball offer was rejected. The seller didn’t counter either. JoshF says offering anything other than full ask will just piss them off. The husband is being a real jerk, and the wife already wanted to offer the full price. This guy is going to lose the house over $39K. He finally relents and Josh makes the deal. Not sure if the husband will be sleeping on the couch tonight or not.

It turns out James’s client is afraid of heights, which is a liability in the Hollywood Hills. David suggests the overpriced house. James calls JoshA and he joshes him (I couldn’t resist) by pretending he doesn’t know who James is at first, but business is business and he’s glad to show the house.

JoshF is at his parents’ house for dinner. They just remodeled their home. I never saw the before, but the after is fabulous. His mother tells him that he needs to stop living in a hotel, and Josh tells her he wants to live in Grandma Enid’s penthouse. His mother thinks that’s a bad idea because he would turn it into a shrine to her, and Josh has to admit that’s a possibility. I liked her too, so I can get where their coming from.

JoshA gets his wish and the developer lowers his price. The daughter makes some remarks that seem scripted. Since James’s buyers are also real estate novices, he tells them to keep a poker face even if they love it. Josh rubs his hands in glee, spying a naïve young couple who are loaded. Of course James is going to try to get the price down, even though they can afford full ask. James makes an offer.

JoshF says it feels like Grandma Enid is just on vacation. He says the penthouse isn’t the same without her, and I know how he feels. When my father died, the house I grew up in was no longer the same either. Josh’s husband comes to the penthouse. He says that Josh doesn’t seem like he’s ready to make a decision. Josh agrees, and says maybe he’ll “hear from her” in the meantime.

JoshA confers with his brother (who also works with him) on the not-as-overpriced-now house. James and David come to the office. Josh counters their offer with almost a million more. They up their ante by $200K all cash, but Josh says all cash isn’t a big deal anymore. The developer is okay with that, but Josh wants to get more. The developer says his daughter will appreciate that. Josh counters, but then takes the next counter offer. Sold for $7,4 million.

Oct28

October 27, 2015 — Port Charles Pre-Halloween, Yachting, Loving & Couch Quotes

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

It’s almost Halloween in Port Charles. Emma is trying on various costumes for Anna, and comes downstairs dressed as “Joy.” The doorbell rings and it’s Death, I mean Paul scaring the crap out of Emma.

Hayden and Nicholas are now living at The Floating Rib. Sam walks in and Nicholas asks why he shouldn’t have her arrested for breaking into his house and hacking into his computer. He makes a good point, except that his own unlawful doings might be exposed.

Alexis is teaching Julian how to change a diaper. Um, if he doesn’t know by now, he probably doesn’t want to know. Olivia asks Dante and Lulu to keep an eye on baby Leo. She wants them to be his godparents.

Maxie has done well with fundraising for Dillon’s movie. She has a large check, but tells Dillon he’s not going to get it unless he tells her his secret. Loose lips will sink Dante yet. She says she’ll tear the check up if he doesn’t spill it. He calls her bluff, but says he’ll tell her after he shows her something.

Sam suggests they call it a draw, since Nicholas invaded “Jake’s” privacy. She tells Nicholas that he got his wish, that “Jake” is so discouraged at this point, he’s going to stop seeking his true identity and marr Elizabeth.

Paul apologizes for scaring Emma and offers her a lollypop. (Geez, I think a Snickers bar might be more appropriate here.)Emma says she’s not supposed to take candy from strangers and Anna says he just seems strange. Ha-ha! Emma goes back upstairs and Paul tells Anna he’s there to discuss Carrrlos.

Sabrrrina tells Michael that they’re not strong enough as a couple yet, that it’s too soon to get married. She doesn’t want to get married just because she’s pregnant, and says that’s not a good enough reason to spend the rest of their lives together. He says he eventually was going to ask her anyway. She says that even love isn’t enough and suggests they wait until they see how they handle the pressures of having the baby first. Tracy and Monica come in arguing about Danny having played hide-and-seek in Tracy’s closet.

I think Dillon might really tell Maxie. When she asks if he actually has anything on Dante, he tells her yes. She’s surprised, since she was just “fishing.”

Paul says that Anna seems oddly interested in Carrrlos’s corpse. She says it’s because he killed Duke and she wants to know more about how he died. Which makes perfect sense…not.

Nicholas tells Hayden that he knows Sam and she was telling the truth. While at the same time Sam gets a text from Spinelli. Hayden hints around for an invite as Nicholas’s plus one to the wedding. (Lots of fishing in this episode.) She says if he brings her, they will be “official” as boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sam and Lucas check out the new house Julian had built for Alexis. Julian tells them that he and Olivia will be sharing custody of Leo.

Anna gives Paul a song and dance that I’ll bet even she doesn’t believe. Emma comes down in a “Princess Evie” costume. When she tells Paul that Evie is evil, Paul asks why. Emma says that she really isn’t but she thinks with her heart, not her head. Paul is like, I know someone else like that, while shooting eyeball darts at Anna.

Dillon shows Maxie her performance, but she gets so worried about what her hair looks like, she forgets all about the secret. Too late. Dante and Lulu show up at The Haunted Star to do some Halloween decorating.

Monica didn’t know about Sabrrrina’s pregnancy, and is disappointed that Tracy knew before she did. Sabrrrina tells her that she didn’t tell Tracy, Tracy just figured it out and knew even before Michael. Tracy says Michael didn’t notice because he was too much all up in Sonny’s business.

Emma goes upstairs to change once more. Paul tells Anna that she’s no longer authorized to dig into police business, and unless she tells him what she was really up to, he’ll press charges. Anna tells him she’s suspicious that the body wasn’t Carrrlos.

Nicholas tells Hayden that it should be obvious that he has feelings for her. She says prove it and take her to the wedding. She says she wants to feel like a part of things and have fun again. Nicholas caves and says he’ll bring her. I’m starting to wonder now if it will be Hayden that blows things up.

Olivia shows up at Julian and Alexis’s place and apologizes to Lucas and Sam for lying about baby Leo. It doesn’t look like Lucas is accepting that, even though he says he is.

Anna tells Paul her instincts tell her that it isn’t Carrrlos’s body, that someone made it seem that way. She thinks it’s some kind of cover-up. Paul says that Anna ought to know all about it.

Tracy thinks that Carly is the reason Michael and Sabrrrina aren’t getting married. Sabrrrina says no, she was the one. Tracy says it’s because Michael is involved in the coffee importation business. Michael and Sabrrrina step outside and Tracy and Monica pretend to argue. Tracy looks like she’s going to start laughing any second.

Dillon is on his laptop when Dante walks in and acts like the a-hole he is because he sees a freeze frame of Lulu. Dillon says she walked into a shot, but if he was smart, he would have added that he was trying to figure out how to edit it out. He says he might not keep his word to not say anything about Dante and Valerie.

Paul says Emma has come down in the best costume yet, and she says these are her regular clothes. He does some cute bantering with her and says he’ll be in touch with Anna.

Monica and Tracy have a drink and share some Quartermaine memories.

Sam gets another text from Spinelli saying they’re a step closer to “Jake’s” real ID.

Hayden says who knows, that her memory might come back at the ceremony, which is probably not a good thing to say if she really wants to go.

Dillon tells Dante it’s over for him, and then tells Lulu he has to tell her something. Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!

Below Deck

When we last left our yachtees, there was a fire in the galley. Eddie puts on his super hero cape and gets it contained. Since she’s prone to insanity and hating Kate, Rocky stupidly says that it’s Kate’s fault because she put a pizza in the oven when there were other pans in there. That would be a no. Kate says that if the oven is like the rest of the galley, it was probably the grease. Eww! That makes me think of Kitchen Nightmares and how disgusting some of the kitchens can be. I wouldn’t expect it on this yacht. On second thought, it’s lazy Leon, king of getting over. Captain Lee says a fire on a small boat like this can turn into some really bad news. He says they’ll deal with the incident report in the morning.

The next morning, Leon completely ignores the fact that there was a fire In his galley and that he slept through the fire alarm. No surprise, since he ignores everything else. Rocky tells him about what happened with the pizza. Leon says that Kate is waiting for him to fall on his face. Gee, maybe she wants you to actually give a flying about your job.

The primary guest, Alan, is having a 50th birthday party. Another shark dive has also been scheduled for them. Connie has to pull up the anchor because Eddie worked the night shift, and we already know this can be a problematic chore. Success! While I don’t always like her personality, I love Connie’s work ethic and how she can be one of the guys. I grew up riding on a truck with Teamsters, so I can identify.

Champagne for breakfast sounds good to me. Captain Lee says they’re going to make Alan’s birthday memorable. The ladies are going somewhere for drinks while the guys go on the dive. That would be a tough choice, but I think I’d go on the dive.

Captain Lee calls Kate to the bridge. Since the oven looks like it hasn’t been cleaned the entire season, it’s no surprise it caught fire. I don’t think the other pans that were in there did it, but I’m sure that Leon will blame Kate. I’m also pretty sure this will backfire on him.

Captain Lee takes individual statements because he says if everyone is there at once, it will be a clusterf**k. Rocky tries to blame Kate, adding a bunch of stuff that has nothing to do with the fire. Captain Lee says he could give two sh*ts about what she thinks of her superior and just wants to get the reports. His deduction is that the filthy oven was the culprit.

Leon is the last to be interviewed. He tries to blame Kate, but Captain Lee says that clean, dry pans don’t start fires. Leon says Kate was drinking, but has to admit he didn’t see her drinking that night, so it basically has nothing to do with anything. The captain says that Leon is more interested in blaming Kate than he is that there was a fire in his galley. Captain Lee says he asked Leon to get with the program weeks ago, but he’s not doing it. Leon says whatever the captain says, he’ll agree with, and the captain says they should agree that this is Leon’s last charter, but he would appreciate him going out In a blaze of glory (no pun intended). The captain says to Eddie that with Leon, everything is someone else’s fault.

Leon tells Rocky that he’s been asked to leave. Rocky says if he goes, she’s going to. Bye, Felicia.

Instead of acting like an adult and finishing out the day, Leon leaves everyone hanging. Congrats on being an even bigger a-hole than Dane was. Rocky whines to Eddie that she has no respect for Kate or the captain. Amy suggests she have respect for herself and act like an adult. Rocky stamps her foot and says Kate should be the one to leave. Eddie tells her both Kate and Leon were at fault with being rude to one another, but at least Kate knows her job. Rocky is like, how dare he after I slept with him. This actually gives me more respect for Eddie, putting the truth above nookie, but Rocky acts like the immature idiot she is, and dives into the water. Captain Lee is pretty disgusted at this point. Me too. It’s more like a kindergarten class than a yacht charter. That girl better find a rich man to marry because she’s never going to be able to hold a job.

The charter guests are coming back, and Amy gets on the intercom and tells everyone to buckle their seatbelts and prepare for a sh*tstorm. Ha-ha! Captain Lee wants to buy the guests lunch for Alan’s birthday. Way to get them away from that storm. Amy is going to accompany the guests, while Captain Lee figures out what the blip to do without a chef. Eddie says who the blip does Rocky think she is and he’s pretty bothered by the whole thing.

Amy makes noises about standing up for what she believes, which is being a lazy moron. She whines on the phone to her mommy. Mommy tells her she needs to finish what she started. Frankly, I think they should kick her ass back into the water and let her swim home.

Rocky approaches the captain to apologize. Captain Lee says he’s not big on apologies because they’re more for the person doing the apology. Thank you. He says she’s walking on thin ice and she says she doesn’t want to leave everyone hanging and that she’s the only one who can get this birthday dinner off the ground. Really? She made raw chicken the other week. I wouldn’t trust her to make microwave popcorn. How old is this chick? Five?

Alan has never had a birthday cake, so Kate calls around looking for a lava cake. And also looking for a fireworks display. Just keep opening those champagne bottles and everything will be okay. Rocky offers to help with the dinner. Eddie says after the last time, he’s going to have to keep an eye on her cooking. Rocky wants to put crumbled cookies on the salad and I’m like, please don’t. I don’t even like fruit in my salad. Unless it’s a fruit salad. This even looks stupid. I hope all future employers are watching this, so they don’t take any chances i\on hiring her for anything.

She also puts grenadine on the oysters, and Amy hopes the guests are too drunk to notice. Alan throws up in the bathroom. So far this dinner is going just great. Eddie takes over in the galley. Aww, poor Rocky is hurt. Who the blip cares? OMG, this girl is such a loser, I can’t stand it. Eddie concurs and says he’s sorry he ever went near her.

Rocky acts like she’s been disrespected because Kate says she should put the steak on the plate with the vegetables and didn’t tell her this at 10 that morning. The cake arrives and it got squashed on one side. Everything is a freaking disaster, but these guys are so good at their jobs, the guests have no clue. They’re loving the meal, and when the cake comes, Alan says it’s the best 50th anyone could ever have.

At least the fireworks go off without a hitch, and it’s finally time for the guests to debark. It’s 10:30 pm and Kate says she hopes to never have another late departure. Alan and the other guests tell the crew that everything was more than fabulous. We’re on to my favorite part – the tip.

Rocky pats herself on the back. Kate says that Rocky is a ticking time bomb that she has to compliment all the time, but even that doesn’t work. Rocky acts ridiculous, sarcastically saying how awesome Kate is. I just can’t even comprehend acting like this at any job and thinking it’s okay. Kate says ain’t nobody got time for Rocky and her many personalities. Seriously, there is something wrong with her.

Amy says she doesn’t know what to say to Rocky, and that she owes them all an apology, but Rocky doesn’t understand why she should apologize. Eddie is embarrassed about hooking up with her now and wants to distance himself. Come on, Eddie. Anyone with half a brain would have told you to stay away from her, no matter how good her ass looks.

Tip time! Captain Lee says this was the worst charter he’s ever been on, but the guests were happy. Eddie says Rocky should have gotten down on her hands and knees and apologized.  $1950 each!

It looks like Chef Ben is going to step in for Idiot Leon and I’m psyched! I really missed him this season. He says he wasn’t available at the beginning of the season, but he’s glad to be back. He also says that often chefs don’t work out and he’s pinch hit before. Kate and Ben didn’t always get along, but their problem is they’re too much alike. Ben is crazier too, but in a good way.

A fresh vibe comes to the boat with Ben’s arrival. Leon was fun to hate, but I was feeling pretty badly for the crew having to deal with him. He’s the kind of guy you like to watch, but you don’t want to bring him home to your mother.

Ricky whines about Leon leaving – he was her best friend, she says. She also whines about Eddie saying he’s glad Ben is back and putting Leon down. Eddie says he’s embarrassed again. Kate and Ben flirt.

Next week, Cynthia from The Real Housewives of Atlanta is the primary guest. And Rocky gets put in her place by Ben.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Kelly bangs (probably the wrong word to use) on the shed door and tells Marcie and Brad to get out now. She tells them she’s completely disgusted by the both of them. Not only that, Brad left his kids alone to go off to his rendezvous.

Marcie comes flouncing back in the house in her negligee while Randal is nursing on his mom. Just about anyway. Sorry, but I don’t feel sorry for him. Not that I think what Marcie is doing is right, but he just got done begging Alex to continue with the affair. Whoa! Mom just slapped Marcie and Marcie cracked her one back. She’s going on and on about Marcie having done it in the shed, which is ironic because that’s where Randal and Alex were doing it. Marcie lets fly with all the information to Mom. Marcie tells Randal she hates him and he needs to leave and take Mom with him. She adds that if he doesn’t go, she’s going to do it with Brad every night until he does.

Natalie is awakened by a phone call from Mr. Kim. Mr. Kim is checking to see if the restaurant was locked up. She finds Joey’s room empty, but tells Mr. Kim Joey is sleeping. When Mr. Kim asks if Joey has seen his daughter, Natalie pretends to ask about it and makes like it’s Joey’s voice in the background saying he hasn’t seen her. This is kind of stupid, but I guess it works.

Alex calls Marcie, whose head must be spinning right now. She tells Alex that she found Brad in the backyard and everything is cool. Just as Alex is talking about him never returning her calls, he sends her a picture of the shed. She insists Marcie tell her what Brad was doing in the backyard and tells her about the picture. Marcie asks her if anything else was in the pic, and if that’s not a red flag, I don’t know what is, but Alex just says she has to go.

Another whoa! (And it’s only been on 20 minutes) Natalie catches Faun and Joey going at it in the burger place, and throws a bucket of cold water on them. She tells them to gather up their clothes and for Faun to go call a cab. She has enough presence of mind to ask Joey where the condom wrapper is, but there’s no answer for that, so… She tells him to bleach down the counters.

Lucien comes by Natalie’s to pick up the girls for school. He can tell something is wrong. He brings up the house they planned to buy together and she gets standoffish. She tells him that Randal is clearly the father of Alex’s baby. She tells him she needs his help with Joey. She needs him to tell Joey about the birds and the bees. Lucien starts laughing when she tells him about Faun and Joey, but he says he’ll talk to Joey. Natalie takes the girls and Lucien tells Joey what a condom is.

Eddie visits Brad’s office. Brad wants to talk to Alex’s dad. He’s also Eddie’s uncle. Brad wants him to see his new grandchild; I’m sure because his father-in-law is a total racist. Eddie asks if Brad understand the amount of hell he’ll be bringing on, and Brad says he does. Eddie lights up a joint in Brad’s office and Brad takes a hit. What kind of a loosey-goosey town do they live in?

Travis brings Kelly’s son home from a ballgame and she tells him to take a hike (Travis, not her son). Travis says he’s tired of being treated like a yo-yo. He asks if there’s someone else. I don’t get this guy. Doesn’t he have someone else? She tells him he has no say-so in her business and pushes him toward the door. Ramsey is at the door and Travis acts like an idiot, asking him who he is. Ramsey says he’s not doing well, and wants to thank Marcie for last night. When Travis acts like a bigger idiot, Ramsey explains that his mother had just died. Ramsey leaves and how many times does Kelly have to tell Travis to get out?

Eddie begs the captain to let him go back to work. The captain says he can’t let him come back until the doctor okays it and that it’s department policy. Ben is back on desk duty. He wants to go for a beer with Pete after work, but Pete doesn’t want to go if Eddie is there. Ben says Eddie is cool, but Pete says he still doesn’t want to be around Eddie. He agrees to have a beer with Ben. With weird, ominous music playing in the background, I think something more is up.

Mom tries to give Marcie a hangover smoothie. She tells Marcie about how her husband had an affair with one of her closest friends. She says she sat in extreme pain, but still didn’t retaliate, and that doing the right thing takes strength and courage, and that Marcie has that in her. She adds that what Marcie does next will determine the rest of her life. She tells Marcie that gritting your teeth and sucking it up while surrounded with grief is called being a woman. You got that right, sister.

Marcie sees Brad fiddling with the grill while he’s wearing a white shirt and tie. (???) He says he was going to burn some photos, but now he has a better idea. When Marcie asks what it is, he tells her to ask Alex.

The People’s Couch

They’re watching that variety show hosted by Neil Patrick Harris, and the B52s are singing Love Shack. I sometimes sing at karaoke (quit laughing) and the woman who owns the business went to high school with Fred Schneider. He comes to her annual Christmas party and occasionally comes to karaoke. I don’t think it counts when you’re singing your own songs though. Anyway, he’s a really nice guy.

It was kind of funny the first time I met him at one of her parties. I recognized him, but couldn’t remember from where. I was glad I didn’t ask him if he went to karaoke. It would have been like that scene in Animal House when Flounder asks the guy in the bar, “So, where do you go to school?”

Quote of the week – it was a toss up:

I would like a guy in a sparkly dress with a champagne glass to show up and tell me what to do. Scott, in reference to a scene in Jane the Virgin.

I do love history and I do love getting drunk. Julie, in reference to Drunk History.