Author Archives: theresakp

Oct27

October 26, 2015 — GH, the OC Reunites & Ladies Go To Denmark

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Diane! I’ve missed her! It should be interesting too, since she’s going to be Spinelli’s attorney. I can’t believe they have him handcuffed to a chair in the police station though. Not too much overkill. Are they afraid he might break out an iPhone or something?

Sabrrrina and Michael tell Sonny that they’re having a baby. Sonny says fatherhood changed his life. Apparently, not enough to get him to change careers. They discuss whether they want to know the gender of the baby before it’s born, and I have this vision of a sonogram picture and the baby has Carrrlos’s face. Sabrrrina and Carly leave the room, and Sonny tells Michael he has to make an honest woman of Sabrrrina. I guess she doesn’t get a say in that.

Dante says he wants to leave the police force if he and Lulu are going to have another child. Their doctor says not all embryos are viable after thawing, so they should slow their enthusiasm roll.

Jordan is telling Diane about how Spinelli could be facing federal charges. She says he can meet with Diane after he’s processed. Diana asks Sam what Spinelli was looking for when they’re alone.

“Jake” is arguing with young Jake about what his father position is. Jake keeps insisting that “Jake” is his real father. When “Jake” goes to the kitchen, Elizabeth tells young Jake that when they get married, “Jake” will be his step-dad, but he says that’s not what she told Laura. Take that, Elizabeth. With the worst timing ever, “Jake” returns with a plate of cookies and some milk. Is milk still considered good for kids? I thought there was some argument about that. Cow’s milk anyway.

Sam tells Diane that she knows what it is not to have family to lean on, and that’s why she wants to help “Jake.” Diane notices her engagement ring and asks if Sam thinks it’s a good idea. Hmm… Is Patrick still legally married to Robin? Nope, that’s not what Diane is thinking anyway. She says she had a front row seat for Sam’s relationship with Jason, and that she thinks Sam loves the excitement and Patrick is about the most boring guy on earth.

Elizabeth tells “Jake” that young Jake’s perception has been skewed, and that he needs to see a therapist. Jake calls Sam and she says she’ll meet him at the docks.

The doctor tells Dante and Lulu that with only one embryo, they only have a 16% chance of success, and if that part is successful, they’ll have a one in five chance of getting a baby out of it.

Carly tells Sabrrrina she should take her time with things. Not if Sonny has anything to say about it. He’s probably making up wedding favors in his hospital bed. Sonny tells Carly that he told Michael he should marry Sabrrrina, and she says, “No. Hell no,” which is my usual reaction whenever I see Michael. Carly insists that Michael doesn’t love Sabrrrina and I have no idea where this is coming from. She claims she can tell that neither one of them love each other. She says they were only consoling each other and it’s no basis for a marriage. Thank goodness they both have Carly to tell them how they really feel.

Dante Is having second thoughts about Lulu getting pregnant. He’s afraid it will be a long, hard road for her and it might not result in a baby and she’ll feel like she failed. Maybe he should get together with Carly, and they can tell everyone how they’re supposed to be feeling.

Diane meets with The Jackal. Diane tells Jordan that she should be getting a call from Judge Cole soon. As soon as Jordan leaves, Diane lambasts Spinelli. Not for what he did, but for getting caught. I love her and wish she could be my lawyer if I ever need one.

Elizabeth tells young Jake that “it’s complicated.” That’s mom code for I’m not telling you anything.

“Jake” apologizes to Sam for his outburst after finding out about the deleted file. Jake tells Sam that Elizabeth had told him to make like Elsa and let it go, but he doesn’t want to do that because of what young Jake said. It’s not because he believes what Jake said, but that Jake is invested in him now and he doesn’t want something from his past to come along later to screw that up. He seems like a smart guy, so why can’t he put 2 and 2 together? He seems very aware that he knew what he was doing when he killed some guys, and he wants to make sure Elizabeth and her boys are safe around him. Sam tells him they “hit a little snag,” and lets him know about Spinelli’s arrest. She still believes that when Spinelli gets sprung, he can finish the quest.

Lulu wants to try the in vitro anyway, and says that if it doesn’t work out, she’ll be happy the way things are. She wants the chance of them to create a life together. Man, if Valerie turns out pregnant, there is going to be one load of grief.

Carly tells Sonny that Michael should have passion in his relationship. I guess she’s been in the bedroom with them too. She says Sabrrrina is fine for Michael to date, but not marry. Huh?

Sabrrrina (who IRL must be at least 5 months along, considering what she’s wearing) is impressed with how well Michael took the news. We’ll see how he feels when the baby comes out speaking Spanish. He says that he wants the three of them (meaning him, Sabrrrina and the baby) to be a family, and asks her to marry him. She says he’s great and all, but that would be a no.

Lulu tells Dante that no one ever got what they wanted by being afraid to try. They agree to start the procedure the day after Halloween.

Jordan tells Spinelli that he’s free to go, but there had better not be a next time. She says if she catches him messing around with the hospital records again, that even his well-connected attorney won’t be able to help him. Diana tells him his skills aren’t what they once were, and he should stay away from hacking.

Elizabeth says blah-blah-blah to young Jake and that “Jake’s” past doesn’t matter.

“Jake” thinks differently though, and wants to make sure he hasn’t committed any crimes he doesn’t know about. Sam is up for the challenge, but she believes that if he wasn’t a good guy to begin with, he wouldn’t be as concerned as he is. She says that by the time he marries Elizabeth, he’ll know who he is.

Does that mean we’ll know by November 6?

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part 2

We revisit some weird stuff like Heather’s foray into leech territory and Shannon’s colonic mishap. Then we discuss Heather’s massive house. Heather also says she has frozen embryos, but I’m not sure where they’re being stored. That house is so big, they could have a lab in the basement for all I know. Heather says she’s 87 now (ha-ha, Heather – you would be saying that if you didn’t look so good at 46), so she won’t be using them and Andy offers to buy them. Hey, Lulu and Dante could use a spare egg.

Ugh! It’s Meghan’s husband Jim, joining them on the couch. It is funny though, that people are starting to recognize him as Meghan’s husband instead of a famous ballplayer. We go back to some of the nastier moments when Meghan behaved like twit and Jim behaved like a tool. Andy points out that he often treats Meghan like a child, and they both say she doesn’t let him get away with that. Okay. I believe it if you believe it. He says he wasn’t ready for the bright lights of reality TV, and that’s why he acts so condescending. He makes more excuses and my hearing turns off. Heather says “Jimmy is the coolest guy ever.” I doubt it.

Vicki says that she misunderstood what Brooks had told her when she said Jim had told Brooks that two months out of four had been “challenging,” when he’d actually said it was a couple of situations. Two is two to Vicki. Meghan climbs onto her high horse and declares Vicki a liar. This leads to a flashback of an offhand comment Vicki made at Tamra’s “sex party.” Tamra was dressed entirely in black lace, gyrating around  with a…device strapped onto her, when Vicki told Heather that Tamra’s kids weren’t going to like it and she’s already had one taken away. Yep, that was kind of mean, except I do think she might have a point without even knowing it. Tamra seems like a good mother, but the daughter is not happy about her airing information about them on TV. We move to Vicki saying that Jim and Meghan’s marriage wouldn’t last 5 years. I still think so.

Meghan signed a pre-nup and claims it was her idea. It was out of the goodness of her heart, so that the children would never feel that something can be taken away from them, and it would ease Jim’s mind about her intentions. I don’t know if I believe that, but he says her family was all on board with it too. He probably paid them off.

On to David’s affair. God bless these two for being able to move past it, and being able to move past it on television. I didn’t like David very much at first, but now I understand what was going on, and why he was so irritated and distant. When they were on Watch What Happens Live, he was criticized by some viewers for being “emotionless” and “wooden.” Hello? He’s not an actor. I’d like to see them have cameras up their ass 24/7 and act even halfway normal. When Andy asks Shannon if she has any insight into why he had the affair, she starts saying that he was unavailable because of work and she was being a nag thinking she could get what she wanted that way. All of the ladies start freaking, telling her not to make excuses for him. Heather says you fix it or leave, you don’t cheat, and on this I agree.

We get one of those short bits in between commercials where Andy questions Vicki’s perception of what a mammal is, since she thought a shark was one. That’s not too far-fetched though, since they don’t lay eggs, but give birth. That isn’t always the criteria though. Our mammalogy lesson for today.

Shannon says she’s not making excuses for David, that she blames him plenty. Heather tells us about how she was at a lunch and the topic came up. She tried to squash it, but she caught one of the other women texting the mistress. Andy reads a viewer text that asks if Shannon thinks it was a good idea for the kids to see what happened on TV. She said the kids had already known. Not that she told them, but they’d seen something on his phone, and if they hadn’t, she wouldn’t have put it out there. She says though, that since it did happen, it’s good for the kids to see that it’s possible to put things back together. And they seem well-adjusted to me. Andy makes a joke like he’s going to bring the mistress out. Ha-ha-ha, Andy! I’ve said it before, he has replaced Jeff Probst as the reality TV antichrist.

Another ugh! Briana joins the group. Not only do I not like her, she always looks like a slob. Is she wearing black eye shadow? Does she think this is The Rocky Horror Picture Show? And why can’t she ever comb her hair? As we already know, Vicki and Brooks aren’t together anymore. Brooks technically broke up with her, but she says the main reason was the conflict with Briana. Briana says he would do terrible things when Vicki was on the other side of the room. For example, he hit on her while she was pregnant. The only thing I can think is he must have been drunk as a skunk. I do actually have some experience in that vein. When I got married my (now ex) brother-in-law hit on every girl at the reception, including the bride.

Meghan says Brooks’s lawyer had contacted her, telling her to leave him alone. At this point, I don’t care if Brooks is an ax murderer, I still like him more than Meghan. We get a clip of Andy’s interview with Brooks, who says Briana seems to be the only relative that has a problem with him. He says that Briana was leaning on Vicki for financial help and Briana goes apesh*t. She says she makes 6 figures and doesn’t need help. Please tell me why Vicki did things like buy her a car this season if she makes so much money? She then gives a laundry list of all the bad stuff Brooks has done and says the whole family hates him.

Part 3 looks like a doozie! I do feel sorry for Vicki though. Nobody’s ever given her a moment to breathe and I can identify with that.

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION: Part 3 of The Real Housewives of the OC’s reunion is going to be on Sunday night – not Monday. Thanks Bravo! I live for this stuff and now you have to create conflict.

Ladies of London

More great pop music! Geez, maybe Caroline #1 should sell off a few of her purses and get some money to keep the business going. I think she has about 5000 of them. And I’m pretty sure they’re more expensive than mine.

London Fashion Week is starting with a “Fashion for Relief” show that benefits Ebola. That makes it sound like it’s promoting Ebola, but you know what I mean. It seems to be a problem over there. It’s not the first time it’s been mentioned. Annabelle is on the runway. We flash back to her riding accident, and I have to give her props. She had a broken pelvis, among other injuries, and you would never know it. She’s working the runway like a boss and wearing an amazing black gown.

It looks like Caroline #1’s business is tanking. She says her several million pounds investment ran out 6 months before she thought it would. Seven years down the drain. She says there’s no shame in failure (didn’t someone say it’s a lesson in what not to do?), but she’s incredibly sad.

Naomi Campbell is visiting with Annabelle. They’ve known each other for a while. The funny part is how Annabelle says Naomi is such a great friend because she doesn’t create drama. I choke on my Cup O’Noodles.

Marissa (bleh) is meeting The Baroness (Caroline #2)for tea. The Baroness says she hasn’t slept in days and looks like it. Even though she says she never wanted to talk about it again, The Baroness brings up the crappy thing that Marissa did by talking smack about The Baroness’s boyfriend to her sister. She wants a promise from Marissa that it won’t happen again. Marissa says that she can only apologize so many times, but in her individual interview, The Baroness says she doesn’t feel it’s been sincere. I can totally understand this. I don’t think Marissa grasps that what she did was actually a big deal.

Julie is doing a body-painted shot, an ad campaign for her JUGS. No not those kind. It’s Julia’s Unbelievable Balls. No not those kind. They’re similar to energy bars. She does a shot where the back of her is painted and she’s up against a painting where she’s the middle panel. Her body is freakin’ fabulous, although she’s nervous about the whole thing.

Joan Collins Sophie, The Baroness and Caroline #1 are having lunch. Caroline #1 wonders what she’s going to do on Monday now. The Baroness says she’ll rise like a phoenix and invites everyone to her family home in Denmark for a holiday. Ivana Trump Sophie says there will probably be drama because the American girls are not as tough as the British ones. Like these British girls don’t stir the pot.

One look at Caroline #1’s closet makes me wonder if she really had to close the business. Her closet is about as big as my house and it’s not empty. I seriously doubt it’s filled with items from K-Mart either. The girls are all getting ready for the Denmark trip. Everyone is wearing either black or navy blue. Annabelle is late, but manages to make it in time. And she’s wearing a while coat. Congrats on bucking the system!

They’re flying economy class and I have no clue why. Maybe it’s a novelty for them. I can assure you that if I could afford first class, there would be no going back. In Denmark, The Baroness is very famous, so there’s a photographer at the airport. She says once the news gets out, they probably won’t be left alone. Mo’ money, mo’ paparazzi.

Back in the old days, The Baroness’s family did the king of Denmark a favor, and since he didn’t have enough gold for a reward, he gave them several castles. Nice. For some reason, Annabelle thinks it’s “rude and childish” of Julie to want to go to a coffee shop while the others shop at a furrier. I don’t get it. I also don’t get why she even cares, since she had nothing to do with the trip. Julie is a vegan, so it should be no surprise that she doesn’t want to buy a fur. Alexis Carrington Sophie says the coat she’s picked is 69,000 Euros, but I have no idea how much that really is. Judging by Juliet’s reaction, I assume it’s a lot.

Annabelle tells Julie that she’s annoyed with chatter behind the scenes. I’m not sure what’s up with her, but she seems kind of unreasonable right now. The Baroness wants them to get everything out in the open at dinner. Good luck with that not turning into a screaming match. They all go to some fancy restaurant called Geist. It’s really beautiful and reminds me of some restaurants in Manhattan. The Baroness tells an amusing story about how the restaurant went out of their way for her, getting a dish they didn’t have from somewhere else, and Marissa acts incredibly rude in her individual interview by making snoring noises. This is the second time she’s done this in regard to The Baroness.

Uh-oh. The Baroness makes an announcement that if anyone has anything to say, say it now. Juliet says that she’s very happy because she’s learned her lesson about creating drama. Oh good. Annabelle is going to say a couple of things. Maybe now we’ll find out who put that stick up her ass. She says Juliet should listen more instead of going directly to drama. Nice after what Juiet just said. She tells Caroline #1 to basically quit being so rude. Julie gets bestowed with the information that she should hold some things in rather than letting them fly. Caroline #1 counters with that sometimes Annabelle seems absent, and that she comes in with “a face,” rather than letting everyone know what’s up. That’s it? What about the others?

Next week, we go to the castle, there’s another dinner where everyone gets a lecture, and Annabelle gets an ominous phone call.

Oct26

October 25, 2015 — A Freed Wizard, a Zombie Herd & Checking In

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

Once Upon A Time

Old Camelot. Some knight dude has the dagger and comes across the hooded figure from the Scream movies. Okay, not quite, but that could probably happen in this show. He says something about “the destroyer” and “the only woman he ever loved,” and the hooded figure turns him into a tree. Ok, he must be Merlin.

Because Snow and David got fairy dusted or whatever last week, they tell Regina that Arthur is cool and she should give him the dagger. Emma freeze frames them and tells Regina that Arthur is bad news, and the dagger needs to go back from whence it came, and free Merlin.

In Storybrook, Guinevere wants to have a ball to lift the stuck Camelot people’s spirits. Not a good time kind of ball, but a dance kind of ball. Not that you can’t have a ball at a ball. Ha-ha! Henry also wants to ask out Violet, who has already learned texting.

Mr. Gold tells Dark Emma that he always convinced himself that he was using magic for a higher purpose, but it always leads to losing the ones you love. She tells Merida, whose heart she has stolen (literally), to take Gold out to the woods and teach him how to be a man. No, not that way. She wants him to be able to remove Excalibur. Then she starts weeping over a dreamcatcher in some room that looks like it’s decorated by The Texas Chainsaw Massacre guys. Except prettier.

Regina tells Storybrook Emma that a spell can be like venom – sometimes you need some of the poison to make the antidote. She thinks they can counteract the spell that put Merlin in the tree with another spell.

Henry and Violet are in the stables. While Violet leaves for a minute, Henry goofs around with some swords, manages to almost hurt himself and break one of the stall walls. Violet’s father, Sir Morgan, comes in and tells him he’s not good enough for his daughter.

Merida tries to teach Gold some swordsmanship, but he fails miserably. He tells her she has the wrong person for the task. She knocks him down and says she’ll have to do it herself then. She doesn’t really say that, but she might as well, considering what she has to work with.

In Storybrook, Dark Emma and Henry talk about old times. I’m not sure how many Emmas there are now. So far I’ve counted 2 dark and 1 light. Violet has lost her horse, and Henry has said he’d help find it. The horse is notorious for liking pumpkins, so they drive to Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater’s patch. Yep, he’s there.

In Camelot, Henry wants to learn how to use a sword to impress Violet and her father, but Emma tells him he’s a mysterious stranger from an exotic land, and that should be good enough.

We flash back to young Regina and her mother, Barbara Hershey. As a girl, Regina was going to run off with her first love, but her mother killed him. While remembering, when Regina starts to cry, Emma captures a teardrop to use for their anti-spell. She wonders how a mother could do such a thing to her child, and Regina says her mother thought she was doing what was best.

Henry concocts a pre-dance rendezvous for him and Violet at the diner. He pours her a soda and she thinks it’s magic, “like a carnival in a can.” Boy, is she easy to impress. Ugh! She says she just wants to be friends. I see some things always stay the same no matter what dimension you’re in. He thinks it has something to do with her father, but I think not because she looks surprised when he says that. At least she doesn’t say, it’s not you, it’s me. That’s right. Sometimes it is you.

Merida breaks into Gold’s shop and starts checking out the goods.

Hook, Belle, Regina and Robin Hood check out Excalibur. A dreamcatcher comes in the mail and Regina says they can be pretty powerful when imbued with magic.

Regina and Emma try concocting a spell using the tear, but other than a cloud of smoke, nothing happens. Emma says it’s because Regina has moved on from those days, and although she’s still heartbroken, there have been things that have eclipsed it now. In a moment of convenience, Henry comes by, and sheds a tear about Violet. Regina captures it.

Arthur arrives with a posse. He’s really pissed and wants the dagger now, but instead Emma gets that tear into the spell pronto. A load of gigantic black and white Silly String flies everywhere. Whatever she did worked, because Merlin appears. Like Hook before him, Merlin ain’t your momma’s Merlin. He’s far from an old guy with a beard in a pointy hat. Not even close.

Merlin tells Arthur he’s a disappointment and Arthur whines that Merlin ruined his life. Arthur says it’s not finished, but takes his marbles and goes home.

Instead of a ball, they’ve decided to have a carnival. Arthur says that put back together, the sword can do just about anything, but in the wrong hands, it could destroy everything. What else is new? Henry brings the horse back to Sir Morgan and Violet. Morgan changes his tune and says Henry will make a fine knight one day.

Merida says her father told her that if you want a lad to fight, you have to give him something to fight for. Apparently, she’s stolen his favorite tea cup and wants him to fight her for it. He makes a good start, but she says they have a long way to go before he can defeat Dark Emma.

Regina and Robin look into the dreamcatcher and see Violet’s memories. They see Emma take Violet’s heart, promising to bring it back once she’s broken Henry’s heart and Emma can get a tear for the spell. Unfortunately, Henry walks in while they’re eavesdropping or eaveslooking or whatever.

David says he expected Merlin to be older, and Merlin says being a tree can be good for your skin. Who knew? Merlin asks Emma if her heart is truly ready to be free from darkness.

Regina asks Dark Emma why she’s taken their memories and Mr. Gold. She tells Dark Emma that Henry saw what she did. Emma says she did it to protect Henry, and Regina says that’s what Barbra Hershey told her too, and that she’s only trying to justify being evil. Dark Emma goes off into the night.

Next week: A giant bear! A really giant bear.

The Walking Dead

Another damn alarm is going off, and half the zombies from the herd are headed for Alexandria. Rick tells Daryl to keep doing what he’s doing with his half, while the rest of them try to get the zombies moving in the right direction. One guy starts whining to Michonne that Rick is a screw up who wants them to die, and she tells him to shut up and keep moving. Oops, too late. Dude got eaten by a zombie. Michonne is more than happy to give him a sword to the head.

Rick tells Michonne and Glenn to keep going with the others, while he goes off to do…something. The group moves forward, killing zombies along the way. A couple of these guys aren’t too swift. One takes off running, which will no doubt cause a problem later. How that idiot, Nicholas, who got Noah killed last season, is still standing is beyond me.

Daryl wants to leave his zombie leading position, but Sasha and Abe tell him he’ll be putting them in bad way if he does.

Commercial break. It’s Obrecht from GH playing stewardess in Fear 462 again!

Michonne keeps a wounded dude occupied by asking about how he met his wife. He says finding her in all this has made it worth it, but I’m not so sure about that. Let’s see, zombie apocalypse or staying single for a while… They look for a car near where Noah was killed. A million cars on the street, but they can’t find one that works. Nicholas say’s “That’s Sturgis’s hat,” the guy who ran off. Oops! There’s hatless Sturgis, who is now zombie lunch Sturgis. The group enters a pet store. My first thought is, say no to puppy mills, but I guess we don’t have to worry about that now.

Glenn thinks he can distract the zombies long enough for the others to get away and set fire to a feed store. Michonne doesn’t want to leave him, but he’s insistent. For some ungodly reason, he tells Nicholas to come with him, and to lead the way. I wouldn’t trust this guy to be a movie usher and lead people to their seats, much less lead anything here.

Rick is running down an empty road and kills a couple of zombies in his way, taking a few supplies off the bodies.

Michonne wraps the wounded’s injuries. Like this is going to matter. One guy says that they should be left behind, but both Michonne and Heath are against that. Michonne asks Heath what his problem is with her. He heard Rick tell her that if anyone can’t make it, to leave them behind. She says sometimes there’s no choice and that Heath doesn’t understand that because he’s never been in that position. She asks him if he’s ever been covered in so much blood, that he doesn’t know if it’s his, the walkers’ or his friends’? That would be a no, so he finally shuts up.

Nicholas and Glenn see some have squished zombie that was a friend of Nicholas’s. Glenn has Nicholas put him out of his misery. (I mean the zombie, not Glenn.) They hear shots coming from somewhere and it’s drawing the zombies near the pet shop. Michonne says as soon as it’s clear, they’re to head to the feed store.

Rick’s running like he’s in Marathon Man, and gets in an RV. It has balloons tied on to it, so either it’s part of the plan or it’s someone’s birthday.

Back at the pet shop, a few zombies are starting to trickle in, so the group’s cover is blown. It doesn’t look too good for going outside. They go anyway, and all hell is breaking loose. The girl with them becomes a casualty. I don’t know about you, but I’ll bet I could run pretty damn fast if there was a crowd of zombies chasing me. Glenn and Nicholas get blocked by the zombie horde, while the others are trying to climb a fence. Glenn and Nicholas get trapped by zombies on both sides. Michonne and Heath make it over the fence, but wounded guy doesn’t. Does it really matter? Michonne, Heath & last other guy stand watching as wounded dude gets eaten. Hello? Either shoot him or move on. Nicholas and Glen are now trapped on top of a dumpster, surrounded by zombies. Nicholas is totally freaked and Glenn tries to get him to snap out of it. Where is Cher when you need her? Instead of doing the right thing, Nicholas shoots himself, and Glenn ends up falling into the zombies. No good deed goes unpunished.

THANKS, NICHOLAS, YOU STUPID WRETCH!

Commercial break. The host of The Talking Dead, Chris Hardwick, doesn’t know what to say and neither do I. At least Nicholas was no great loss.

Michonne, Heath and Last Dude are traveling through the woods, and see smoke in the distance. They find a creek and travel walking in it. Heath catches a glimpse of his blood-covered reflection. Some initiation.

Rick is in place in the RV, and gets on the walkie-talkie. Sasha answers him from the car, but it looks like Daryl is going off to find himself on his motorcycle. Where the gunfire is coming from, we still don’t know. A couple of armed guys bust into the RV, which wakes Daryl up from his trance and causes him to turn around. Who these guys are and what they want, we don’t know, but Rick finds a jar of baby food in one of their pockets.  Rick sees someone outside the RV and starts shooting wildly.

Great. Now the RV won’t start and zombies are coming from everywhere.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In

The Gorgas go with Joe Giudice to his late father’s home in the Catskills.  We get the lowdown that when Joe Guidice wet his pants as a kid, his mother hit him in the head with a shoe. This might explain a lot.

Teresa calls. We get way to much information about how certain “toys” are made in prison and I can’t get Teresa off the phone fast enough.

The house has an awesome outside brick oven, and they make pizzas. Rosie and Teresa’s girls have arrived to join them. In her individual interview, Melissa says she hopes they can put the past behind them and be a family again. Teresa’s brother has finally gotten the visitation okay. Joe Giudice says it’s a real hassle. He started with only being able to visit once a month, and is now up to twice. I’m almost surprised that they let him visit, since he’ll be doing time next, but I guess they make exceptions for family.

Melissa says it feels weird without Teresa, and husband Joe says he can’t wait to see her. They hadn’t exactly been getting along that well, and he’s hoping that “the old Teresa” comes out.

Joe Giudice and the girls go to a little chapel built nearby. The younger ones have difficulty reciting The Lord’s Prayer and it makes me wonder what kind of Sunday school class they attend. Teresa hunts them down even in the chapel. She’s surprised they don’t know basic prayers and says they have to start going to church every week (are these people sure they’re Italian Catholics?). It’s kind of sweet because Teresa says she’s learned in prison that you can just talk directly to God. And as I’m typing this, I’m wondering if she realizes the youngest has been told she’s at work. Maybe they told her Teresa works in the prison doing research for her next book.

Back home, Gia snaps at Joe and they have a discussion. I have to say, Joe seems like a pretty easy-going dad considering. Joe says it’s an overwhelming situation, that they have to stay strong, and he appreciates how much Gia has stepped up. They talk about things without really talking about them and I think that’s how the family has basically functioned, even before Teresa went to prison.

The next-to-youngest is shaving Joe’s back, which I assume is normally Teresa’s job. He tells her that her working for him makes her a tax deduction. That Joe! What a card! I’d be really careful with those deductions from now on if I was him.

Joe meets Teresa’s lawyer at the restaurant where she flipped the table way back in season one. The lawyer tells him they’re “chipping away” at the restitution. Meaning that the Giudice’s paychecks are garnisheed to pay back the money they stole. When Teresa gets home, she’ll be on something called “home confinement.” It’s not the same as house arrest, but there are rules as to where she can go. The lawyer asks Joe if he’s learned anything from this experience. What is this? Will there be multiple choice questions next? Yeah, he learned not to commit fraud. My guess is that whoever steered him in that direction gave him some song and dance that “everybody does it.” He claims he didn’t really know what he was doing was wrong, and I’m not so sure I totally believe that, but I do think he believed it was no harm, no foul. And I don’t think Teresa knew what was going on at all. I think he said, “Here, sign this,” and she did. I don’t think they’re bad people, just excessively ignorant.

Joe Gorga seems totally freaked about visiting Teresa. He says his body is numb and he doesn’t know how to think or feel. It’s highly unlikely I’ll ever be visiting my sister in prison, so I’ll take his word for it. Melissa says she feels badly that she can’t get on the visitation list yet. I don’t suppose we’ll be able to go along either.

You can’t wear shorts and you can’t bring in phones. Gia tells about how somebody snuck one in the prison to take a picture of Teresa and got in a heap of trouble. Teresa’s mom says “you can’t trust nobody.” Gia says the visit is probably going to be difficult for her Uncle Joe. He says they were brought up not to cry, but he spent the first hour of the visit crying. He’s tearing up now, and I feel for him. The reality has hit him pretty hard.

Everyone is pretty bummed out in the car on the way home. Joe Gorga says that if they feel that way, imagine how she must feel.

After one last check in, we see the family photo taken at the prison. Teresa is expected to be released on December 23, and Joe will begin his sentence in March of 2016.

Oct24

October 23, 2015 — A Hospital, Zombies & Something Sinister

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital – Thursday

Spinelli tells “Jake” and Sam that he’s in the process of vanquishing a firewall, but it’s like tissue paper to the Assassin of the Internet.

Julian demands Olivia hand over Leo, and says, “Give me! Give Me!” like a 2-year-old. This dude is getting on my nerves.

Carly and Sonny argue over him leaving the hospital. Morgan goes catatonic, so Sonny, who is also a big baby, tries to walk by himself and falls. Oh, please, how old is this guy? He yells for everyone to leave him alone and refuses to get back in the wheelchair. Patrick comes to babysit.

Spinelli comes up against a blank screen. The file has been deleted, but that won’t stop The Jackal from getting it back.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth not to worry about the DNA test, since he deleted the file right after he looked at it. She’s still concerned the lab has it on file. Nicholas tells her to figure out a way to stop “Jake” from searching for who he is, and adds good luck with that. Thanks for the help, Nicholas! All of these scenes, with the exception of Spinelli, are taking place in the hospital. I know the name of the show is General Hospital, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to congregate there.

Commercial break. Wicked City looks wicked good! But what am I supposed to do? Watch TV 24/7? Dammit! Why do things cost money, so we need jobs? It’s just not fair.

“Jake” babbles to Spinelli about “the cloud,” which he obviously knows nothing about. Spinelli says it could take months to retrieve the file. “Jake”starts whining about how can the greatest hacker who ever lived not be able to snap his fingers and get the deleted file? Well, “Jake,” we know one thing. You weren’t in the computer business. “Jake” takes his marbles and leaves.

The cops show up at the hospital and tell Julian to back off. Alexis shows up and tells him that he needs to do this the right way, through the court. I swear, almost every adult in this show needs a binkie and a diaper today.

Patrick interrupts Nicholas hassling Elizabeth. Oddly enough, Patrick is looking like the only mature one right now. “Jake” shows up and Elizabeth says she wants to talk to him at home. I don’t suppose it’s to tell him the truth. God forbid.

Alexis tells Julian he can’t win Leo by playing tug-o-war. She tells him the court is going to look at the best interest of the child, and he needs to start playing nice. He tries to talk calmly to Olivia. Olivia says she wants to shield Leo from mob doings the same way she kept Dante from Sonny. She’s sorry she caused him pain, but she felt it was the right thing to do. She says she doesn’t really know Julian, and isn’t sure he can put Leo’s needs before his own. Julian says she hasn’t given him a chance, and I have to admit he has a point there.

Laura is having lunch with Lulu, and they’re talking babies. Lulu says that she and Dante are ready for another child, which flips Laura’s grandma switch. Nicholas drops by. He says Spencer has narrowed his Halloween costume down to five, and I can’t wait to see what the end result will be. Laura has a worried face that a total stranger would notice.

Spinelli asks Sam if they should really abandon the project, but Sam says “Jake” is just frustrated. She says they should let him take a step back and continue on themselves. The Jackal tells her it could take forever to get the deleted file, and she says they should try it from another angle. Spinelli suggests they try and get “Jake’s” medical records. Um…yeah. Wouldn’t they have his DNA on file?

Carly tells Sonny he can either fold up like a cheap suit or fight. He makes more infant noises. He’s all like, sniff…I’m no good to anyone anymore. I start knitting a baby blanket for him. Honestly, what is up with this today? Oh Lord, help me. Sonny is going on and on about what kind of husband he can (or can’t) be in a wheelchair. I don’t know. How about waiting five minutes and finding out? Maybe he can become a hairdresser and fix those grey-hair highlights of Carly’s.

Elizabeth asks “Jake” why he broke into Nicholas’s house because she’s an idiot. He says if there was an inconclusive result to the DNA test, why would the file have been deleted? Elizabeth says Nicholas was just covering his illegal activity tracks. Elizabeth tells Jake that she wants him to stop torturing himself, when what she really means is she wants him to stop torturing her. She says it’s been a year and no one is looking for him. Ouch! She asks him to stop searching and he says he’s come up against a dead end anyway, although he didn’t exactly say he’d stop.

Patrick comes home to find Spinelli and Sam on the laptop in the living room. She fills him in on what they’re doing, and he says a bunch of rhetoric about patient/doctor confidentiality. He says he’s taking a shower, basically so he doesn’t know what’s going on.

After having some time out, Sonny is feeling better, and apologizes to Morgan and Michael. He says he’ll act like a grown-up now, and follow the doctor’s orders. He says “Max” will handle things with the business while he’s out of commission. I take it Max must be Fat Dude. He tells his sons they’d better stay out of it.

Julian says blah-blah-blah to Olivia about how he’s turned over a new leaf. He promises Leo will never be in danger because of him, and wants to work out a custody arrangement without going to court. Mushy stuff with Julian, Olivia and the baby.

Spinelli is looking at X-rays of Jake’s face and suggests they might be able to find out what he looked like before the car accident that brought him to the hospital. Good idea!

Sonny says he has a hard time asking for help because it seems like weakness. He says he needs his family to believe in him, and then asks everyone to clap if they believe in mob bosses.

General Hospital – Friday

Spinelli gives Sonny a bocce ball set as a wedding gift. He says you can play standing up or sitting down, and that bends Sonny out of shape. He says it’s just a temporary condition.

Epiphany! I love her and always wish she’d have a real story line. It almost happened once.

Sam is staring at “Jake’s” X-rays, while Patrick drinks coffee. He asks what she hopes to find and I wonder if he really graduated medical school. Actually, you’d think Sam would be on top of this by now. Even I’ve seen those programs where they can “age” someone, so it makes sense they’d have something where you could “build” a face onto a skeletal structure.

Commercial break. 20/20 looks like a good one tonight – somebody thinks their kids have demons – but  Z Nation.

Danny interrupts “Jake” and Elizabeth basking in the afterglow. He tells them grandma (i.e. Laura) has arrived. She’s babysitting while “Jake” and Elizabeth go out to…do something.

Spinelli apologizes 10 times to Carly, and she says no worries, but they have no way of knowing whether Sonny will walk again and he’s being a huge baby about it. Spinelli explains what he’s trying to do for “Jake” and Sam. Carly says if anyone can crack the case, it’s The Jackal.

Sabrrrina visits Paul’s office. She wants to send Carrrlos’s body back to Puerto Rico, as she promised his parents, but she keeps coming up against roadblocks. Anna, at the hospital morgue, wants to see Carrrlos’s body “for closure.” What the blip that means I don’t know, but it doesn’t matter, since his body is gone. A tech comes in and says the body has been cremated. Paul tells Sabrrrina the same thing, and she freaks because she doesn’t know what she’s going to tell his parents. He claims they tried their best to contact someone, but obviously didn’t call her or Carrrlos’s parents, so nice try.

Patrick says he’s a modern man who cleans the house and cooks. I wish he lived here, even if he does wear too much lip gloss. Even better, he gives Sam a huge engagement rock. Then he goes to work. Way to celebrate.

Michael tells Sonny that he was questioned about Carrrlos, and that the police think Sonny had something to do with his death. Sonny tells Michael to stay the blip away from the business.

Sabrrrina gets the box with Carrrlos’s remains. She sees Anna who says she’s sorry, but Sabrrrina isn’t buying it. Sabrrina says that Carrrlos deserved prison for what he’d done, but he didn’t deserve to die. When she leaves, Anna takes a handful of anxiety meds. Jordan busts into Paul’s office and wants to know why he broke protocol in an ongoing investigation. She says he could have possibly destroyed evidence. Anna wants a copy of something, but I didn’t hear what since they’re repaving the street out front and it got loud all of a sudden.

Someone is hiding in Sam’s house and approaches young Jake, but we only see a shaky cam. Jake makes sounds and Laura comes running downstairs. Surprise! It’s only Cameron (?) in a mask. Halloween hijinks!  Cameron is on the floor with canaries twirling around his head though. Jake goes back upstairs, and Cameron makes excuses for him to Laura, saying he doesn’t know much about Halloween since he was with Helena during his formative years. I refrain from making a comment. Mostly because I don’t know whether to make one about Halloween and Helena, or that you don’t need to know anything about Halloween to get the bejesus scared out of you by someone wearing a mask and knock them out.

Obrecht (yay!) tells Liz some baloney about her performance review, but it’s just a ruse to get her to the surprise shower they’re throwing for her. Epiphany makes a lovely toast, and there are congratulations all around. Patrick arrives at the last minute, and Elizabeth asks him to “stand up for [her]” at the wedding. I don’t know if this means she wants him to walk her down the aisle or be her maid of honor.

Carly sees “Jake” and says he doesn’t seem too excited about being the next to get married. He says he’d rather have a real last name to give Elizabeth, and that he’s hit a dead end. Carly says he should cut his losses and if he’s going ahead and getting married, maybe he should just move on and forget he was once someone else. “Jake” asks Carly to be his “best person.” She runs off to plan his bachelor party.

Paul says he did nothing wrong and it was a “budgetary concern.” Nice. He says they have the autopsy and that should be enough. Anna tries to pump the tech for more info. She wants to see the autopsy report – again for “closure.” Who looks at an autopsy report for closure? The tech says he’ll see what he can do.

Yep, Spinelli is going to put the X-ray pics into a program he designed himself. Please, let this storyline be over soon. My heart can’t take it. Please, Spinelli, stop talking about it and just run the program. In the meantime, Obrecht gets the information that someone hacked into the hospital’s system. I’m kind of surprised they noticed someone hacking into one file. Noticed immediately.

Sabrrrina misses the shower. When she gets there, Felix is cleaning up and she tells him that she told Michael about the baby. Felix knows she’s not telling him something, but Michael shows up before she can say anything else.

The tech gets the autopsy report to Anna. She looks at it and says something isn’t right. It says that Carrrlos was shot twice, when she knows he was shot 4 times. She then wonders if it was really Carrrlos’s body.

Epiphany tells Patrick he’s next in line for a shower. She doesn’t mean he smells bad, she means he’ll be getting married next. I know he wears lip gloss, but isn’t the shower usually thrown for the woman?

Oh crap! Jordan shows up at Sam’s and arrests Spinelli. I am not buying this at all. First of all, I highly doubt Spinelli would have left a trail they could find so quickly. And they did all this in like 3 minutes? It would take longer than that to find a tech.

We end with young Jake telling big “Jake” that he knows big “Jake” is his real father. Elizabeth walks in and looks like she just swallowed a cockroach,

Z Nation

Because I have on life, I’m so excited to watch this show!

A couple of dudes are strolling through the forest, when a truck with a giant smile on it comes up behind them. The pair present themselves as a traveling dentists. Immediately, these guys get in the dental chairs and put masks for laughing gas on. They were carrying guns. How can they be this gullible? Of course once they’re under, they’re shoved into the truck.

Operation Bite Mark is going to take the Mississippi River route. They clear a boat of zombies, and find the boat owner still alive. Roberta asks him to take them south to Memphis. Geez, for a bunch of people who need a favor, they’re being kind of nasty. The boat owner is a bit chatty, but hey, it’s his boat. I see people haven’t lost their sense of entitlement. <heaving huge sigh>

They see two guys, Sketchy and Skeezy, who they know from a previous episode. Skeezy is semi tarred and feathered – he fell in with the wrong crowd – and Sketchy is wearing a bowler hat. They’ve been using Murphy’s name to get by and Murphy isn’t too pleased about that.

Zombie jam!

No, not like with instruments, but like a log jam. There are tons of zombies in the water, and quite a few trying to get on board. The boat overturns. 10K gets to shore and Sketchy says his partner is gone, along with the boat owner, and he doesn’t know what happened to anyone else. They see Skeezy’s upper half and think he’s a zombie, but he really just fell in a hole. The three decide to travel together.

The rest of OBM is down river. Doc wants to look for 10K, but Vasquez wants to get going on to California. Roberta says they’ll give it 24 hours.

Some Deliverance guys pop out of nowhere and tell 10K and the two S’s that they’re either lost or trespassing. Sketchy tells them that Skeezy is “The Murphy,” and he can offer them eternal life. He says a bite from The Murphy is all they need. Four of the guys hold down another one to test the theory.

Like The Emperor’s New Clothes, the guy who gets bitten says he feels great, and they all get in line. Sketchy tells them they have to rest for 24 hours in order for the venom to take affect properly, and the three make their exit.

Doc says he sees a signal from 10K, but no one else does. Vasquez and Doc continue to argue about waiting for 10K and moving on. Roberta says nothing is happening tonight, so everyone settle down. Doc says he’s getting tired of this mission.

10K and the flimflam men drive away. There’s a trailer park down the road a piece where Sketchy and Skeezy have…friends? It sounds like they’ve burned some of the people, but the mayor (or whatever he is) doesn’t seems to buy Sketchy’s song and dance. Sketchy tells him that 10K was dropped on his head as a baby and that he’s a deaf/mute. The mayor gives them a mini tour of the town, and tells them to enjoy some moonshine and some women. I wouldn’t relax if I were them.

Doc sees a canoe and tells the others to do what they need to do, but he’s going to look for 10K. Murphy, who’s still pissed about Cassandra’s death, acts like he’s all about the mission now. Murphy says everyone is expendable and he’s the only precious cargo. Roberta says they’ll head south for a little more, but if Doc isn’t at some bridge in a certain amount of time, they’re moving on. Doc leaves in the canoe and I’m worried for him.

10K is recognized by a girl at the trailer park. She remembers them from when OBM stole a truck and isn’t trusting 10K, but 10K explains the mission and she seems cool with that. They have some kind of mill that zombies are turning, and the girl’s husband is one of them. The dentist guys have also been capturing people to turn into zombies for town labor. She says the town is all kinds of evil. Great.

Uh-oh. It’s Escorpion from earlier in the season. This has been a set up. There’s a really quick trial where he accuses Sketchy, Skeezy and 10K of stealing from the town and him personally. Sketchy takes on the role of legal counsel, and he does a whole riff like he’s Harold Hill in The Music Man. I’m expecting 76 Trombones to start any second. It gets to the point where I can’t even follow what he’s saying, which is undoubtedly what he wants. He says it all boils down to that they’re wonderful people and he knows they’re all geniuses. He ends with the “words of Clarence Thomas, if it don’t fit, you must acquit.”  Escorpion says it was beautiful, but they’re still guilty. The sentence is death by hanging.

OBM meet Doc at the bridge. There’s been no sign of 10K. Addy tells him that not many people look out for one another anymore, but he’s that person. She says they have to leave, that she needs him on the trip, and 10K will know he tried. Doc makes an eloquent speech to the absent 10K, and joins the group. Just as they’re about to leave, the girl who called the town evil comes running toward them.

The mayor gives a sermon, ending with his hopes that they don’t cause as much trouble in hell as they have in this world. Escorpion asks if they have any last words, and Sketchy tries to give another summation, but Escorpion stops him. He says it’s hangin’ time, but the hanging is foiled by OBM, who have shown up to save the day. The zombies are also on the loose. Girlfriend gives mercy to her zombie husband.

The truck plays music like an ice cream truck (maybe it originally was), & only attracts zombies. Sketchy and Skeezy are staying with the truck. 10K bids them farewell, and joins OBM in their own car. Sketchy and Skeezy arm themselves amid some banter.

The episode ends with a freeze frame of Sketchy and Skeezy (I almost typed Itchy and Scratchy) similar to the ending of Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid. They break out of the truck, ready to do battle, even though they’re totally outnumbered. Thinking about it, it’s been a while since I saw Butch and Sundance, but I think the dialogue between them just prior to the end might have been from the film too.

Sinister

I got caught up in watching this after Z Nation. It’s on rotation on the Chiller channel.

This is the sort of horror movie I like, more creepy than anything else. I don’t believe in ghosts, vampires and the like, so horror films are never truly scary for me. Probably the last one that really scared me was The Exorcist in 1973. It really scared me. For a while, I had the family dog sleep in my room, until one night, I was awakened by an “oooohhhh” sound. Sure that the devil was there to possess me, I reached for the light. There was Ginger, sitting in the middle of my room, howling at the moon or whatever dogs howl at in the middle of the night. My father, having had enough of this nonsense, told me that it was the live ones I needed to be scared of. Having grown since then, I’ve come to agree with him. So creepy is the best I can hope for.

Ethan Hawke is a writer who moves his family into a house where the previous owners and their children were murdered. The story is going to be his next book. He finds a box of home movies that also feature several murders, all of them having things in common. Creepy stuff starts to happen, and while the ending isn’t a total surprise, it’s worth the price of admission. I always find things with electronics – movies or TV – have a special kind of creepiness. Maybe because these things are so tied to our lives.

Great film for the Halloween season!

Oct22

October 21, 2015 — PC, Tyler Perry & Twice the LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Alexis wastes no time in telling Julian that baby Mateo is baby Leo. She shows him the DNA test results. Julian makes the genius connection between Olivia wanting to tell him something and stopping when the police showed up to arrest him. Julian says he should have felt a connection with Leo. Why, when he can’t even find a connection to his shirt?

Nathan tells Dante that he should really come clean with Lulu, but he won’t tell Maxie anything even though she’s prying like crazy. Fat chance and fat chance.

Junior has graduated from door guarding to wheelchair pushing. Maybe he’ll get an actual line of dialogue if he sticks around long enough. I’m wondering where he’s considered on the pay scale. You have walk-ons, under 5s (meaning under 5 lines of dialogue) and bit parts. What happens if you’re doing more than walking on, but have no dialogue?

Sonny bursts in on Patrick and Carly, and asks why Patrick is telling Carly he might never walk again and hasn’t told him. Um…he did. You didn’t listen. Patrick says Sonny doesn’t want to deal with reality (when has he ever?) and Sonny says he’s getting a new doctor.

Nina has bought 10,000 thread count sheets and Franco suggests they christen them, even if it’s just with cuddling. (Aww!) Kiki comes in, acting like her usual half-drunk self, and Nina says she’s going to put her new sheets on and take an example from Kiki by spending the day in bed doing nothing with her life.

Lulu tells Dante that Dillon said he knows something. She says Maxie thinks he’s just being bitter, but she has the feeling there’s more to it than that. Lulu wants to know what Dillon knows that she doesn’t. Come on, Dante. You know it’s going to come out eventually. Maxie tells Dillon that she hasn’t given up on finding an investor for Dillon’s film. What happened to yesterday’s idea about splitting the take on The Haunted Star’s Halloween party?

Franco tells Kiki that for him, hating Morgan is like a hobby, akin to planting a rock garden or trimming bonsai trees, but it seems to be costing her, so she needs to act like Elsa and let it go. She’s not having any, and he asks her to do it for him. Kiki agrees to try and be nice, and puts herself on snack detail for a get-together with Maxie and Nathan.

Julian is his usual entitled self and thinks he can just go over to Olivia’s and take the baby.  I used to kind of like him, but now I kind of dislike him. Alexis says she can identify because she also tried to hide a baby from Sonny, and begs him to act like a mature adult. Good luck with that.

Maxie and Nathan arrive at Nina’s. Just as they’re relaxing, Franco suggests since their visit was so out of the blue, they must want something. Nathan says he’s right, that they’re looking for film funding.

Dante is talking about Olivia with Lulu and she says it’s just more proof that lies have a way of compounding. Do they also accrue interest? Julian doesn’t listen to a damn thing Alexis said and busts in on Olivia and Morgan. He shoves the test results in her face and says he wants his son. Liking him even less now.

Patrick tells Sonny that he doesn’t want anyone to see that he’s weak just like everyone else. He says Sonny needs to act like a real man and face reality.

Nina gives Maxie some bucks and gives Kiki her credit card for the evening. The latter is probably a huge mistake, but giving stuff away has made Nina happy. She suggests she and Franco check out the new sheets. He decides to go for a walk. Huh?

Morgan is ready to head out of the hospital with Sonny and Carly stops them.

Not very exciting today, but tomorrow looks better.

If Loving You Is Wrong

I didn’t forget; I just didn’t have time yesterday, so I watched it On Demand.

Lucien is trying to get the tape of the shooting, but keeps getting thwarted. He tells Esperanza she doesn’t look good and she’s like, excuse me? He means she looks troubled, but she says everything is okay. She keeps talking though. She says that Eddie is a good guy at his core, but he’s out of control. They’re seeing each other, but they’re not really seeing each other, and she asks Lucien not to tell Natalie because she doesn’t need extra grief.

Wow. I never realized how many commercials this channel had until I just fast-forwarded through them. There were at least 8. I’m not kidding.

New girl, who is supposed to relieve Esperanza at the 911 board, comes in, but we don’t even get introduced.

Lucien’s new partner, Pete, comes to the hospital to see Ben. Andrew, the desk guy, tells Ben to be careful of Eddie. Pete says Eddie’s not a bad guy, and Andrew says he’s not a good one either. They both think that Ben getting all his fingers blown off by a perp is weird, so I guess they don’t know the real story. I’m guessing we don’t really either. I think Eddie has something to do with it.

Pete tells Ben to look at the bright side – he’s right handed and it’s the left hand that got shot. I’d actually thought the same thing last week. He suggests Ben can come back to work eventually, but I don’t think Ben wants to. Pete leaves and Ben hassles the nurse about getting pain meds. She tells him that he’s had enough for somebody twice his size four times over. She intimates he might be an addict. He says, “Go, bitch!” like he’s a pimp or something.

Commercial break. In fast-forwarding, I see an ad for Ilyanla, Fix My Life. One of the funniest skits I ever saw was Wanda Sykes doing Ilyanla, Fix My Flat. Now every time I see an ad for that show, Wanda pops in my head.

Joey is cleaning up the burger place after closing & Faun, whose dad owns it, shows up. You’d never know the place had been in tatters like a week ago after the shoot out. Faun pulls out a joint and says if he smokes it with her, she’ll help him clean up. Geez, twist his arm, why don’t you. I have to say, no one has ever given me an offer like that. She flips on the vent, Joey lights the j, and it looks like they’re going to do more than just smoke. Or maybe smoke in another way.

Kelly hears someone breaking into the house next door. New girl answers the 911 call, but Esperanza takes it from her, and sends Lucien to Kenny’s house. She says it’s next door, but I’m still not sure which house she means. I’m guessing it’s Randall breaking into Brad’s house. Or maybe his own house, since he and Marcie aren’t exactly on good terms. Esperanza tells Kelly to make sure her doors are locked.

Alex tries to call Brad from the hospital, but the phone is ringing unattended on the counter. Her caller ID is “Lying Bitch” on his phone. Ha-ha-ha! My husband’s parents are “Old Folks Home” on his.

Lucien gets to Kelly’s and they have a guy in cuffs. He says his name is Ramsey, it’s his mom’s house and she told him about Kelly talking to her the other day. I guess his mom isn’t close enough to him to give him a key? He says he hasn’t been able to get ahold of her and he’s worried something is wrong. He wants the cops to check and of course they have to tell him to calm down. Nothing pisses off an uncalm person more than someone telling them to calm down.

Oh, this is kind of sad. Ramsey’s mother is dead. Pete says he thinks she died in her sleep. It would be really nice of them to take the cuffs off. I never took Lucien to be a heartless jerk. Okay, he’s taking them off now. On a side note, I really think more cops need sensitivity training. This scene seemed pretty accurate. I wonder if Ramsey will move into his mom’s house and be a love interest for Kelly.

Alex calls the house landline, and her little girl, Paisley (cool name!) answers. While her son talks to her, Paisley goes looking for Brad, but can’t find him. Alex tells her to see if the car is in the driveway. It is, so she says good night.

Eddie and Ben are in a car outside the mini-mart where the tape is. Eddie gives Ben – we’ve been given no explanation how he got out of the hospital – some painkillers, and tells him to get the tape. Too late. Pete’s there for the same reason. Eddie kicks Ben out of the car and confronts Pete. He makes stupid chitchat, and then asks Pete what he has in the bag. Pete is pretty shaky, but says it’s just cream for the coffee he also has. Eddie wants the bag, but Pete won’t give it to him. Lucien calls and Pete lets him know Eddie is there. Ah-ah (in Nelson voice)! Pete leaves, but Eddie tells Ben (who is allowed back in the car now) that he’s going to “get” him.

Lucien recognizes that the coffee isn’t from their regular place and asks Pete if he was after the tape. Pete says no a thousand times. Lucien tells him they’re supposed to stay out of it, and he’d better not be lying. Since I don’t believe him for a second, I wonder why Pete’s so interested in the tape.

Alex talks to Kelly who tells her about the woman next door and her son. At first, Alex thinks that’s where Brad must have been, but Kelly says no. Alex tells her the kids are alone, and would she look around for Brad. I yell, “He’s in the shed with Marcie!” but no one hears me. Alex wants Kelly to go to Randall’s, but Kelly has been trying to avoid Marcie and doesn’t want to. Alex says she’ll come home then, and Kelly relents. Kelly hears Brad and Marcie going at it so loud the whole neighborhood must be hearing it. I wonder why she didn’t hear this from the front yard. She basically pulls a Schultz and says she knows nothing and hangs up. Randall comes home, but before he can shake Kelly down. Mom pops out and drags him to the shed. This ought to be good.

Little Women LA

Christy is going off like a rocket about Briana having lied about being married. Elena’s vow renewal weekend in Hawaii is not the place, girlfriend. Tonya adds to the fire, but at least keeps her cool. Whoops! There goes Terra. It’s not like Briana can go back and change it. Chill already.

Terra says Briana is clearly being taken advantage of, and Matt calls them a bunch of bitches. For some reason, this isn’t allowed. Everyone except Brianna has started to degenerate into a bunch of 5-year-olds. They’re firing questions at Matt, but he’s not allowed to speak. Briana does mention that being screamed at while everyone has clay on their face is ridiculous. Christy literally stomps off to keep her flip-flops on her feet.

Terra says she’s glad Elena and Preston couldn’t make it to the couples’ retreat, even though she was disappointed at first, because they don’t need the stress. I get where everyone is coming from, but the ones creating the stress aren’t Briana and Matt.

Briana gets together with Jasmine and Britney. Jasmine is annoyed because the others keep playing telephone with her words. She had told them that Todd said he could have Briana any time he wanted. This translated to Todd is still in love with Briana, which isn’t the same thing. Apparently, Todd has been texting Briana the entire time he’s been married to Christy too. Bleh.

Ha-ha! The irony isn’t lost on Britney that Terra didn’t want her there because she was afraid Britney would start trouble. Yet Terra quickly jumped on the scream-at-Briana bandwagon. They’re going snorkeling, and Tonya is pissed that Jaa didn’t jump to her defense when Matt called them bitches. (Bitch, please.) She says she’s not letting his snorkel anywhere near her. Ha-ha!  I’ve never been snorkeling, and I’m both jealous that they’re in paradise and annoyed that they’re not totally appreciating it. Sea turtles abound!

Jaa has planned a private romantic dinner for himself and Tonya. He reads her a romantic poem. Tonya brings up the bitch thing. He says they were all acting like it. Ha! She says she wants a man to “protect her,” which sounds idiotic. It’s not like Matt was all in her face or even singled her out. She doesn’t understand how he basically didn’t want to step in because she was wrong. Or at least the timing and delivery were wrong. I like Jaa. I’m the most loyal person you’ll ever meet, but if you’re wrong, I’m going to tell you. People might get pissed about that sometimes, but I’ve actually had them come back and thank me later. I’m not so sure Tonya is going to thank Jaa though.

Tonya asks where the relationship is going. She wants a commitment, but he’s not ready. Jaa suggests they take a hiatus. He doesn’t want to stand in her way of happiness (yeah, yeah). She says in her individual interview that she’ll leave the door open, but she’s not going to wait forever for a brother. At least he was honest, and he kindly asks if it’s okay for him to stay. Tonya says yes. How good of her to not kick him out of Hawaii.

The ladies are having a spa day. Elena tells Briana that she heard the couples’ retreat wasn’t “too retreating.” Briana says that’s true, but she doesn’t want to interfere with Elena’s weekend. She’s the only one who’s acting halfway normal. Tonya tells them what happened with Jaa. I’ve never gone on a trip with a group of friends, but this is making me think I never want to.

Elena and Terra are meeting with the wedding planner. Elena wanted the ceremony to be right on the beach, and that’s a no. Because of county ordinances, they have to have it on the property of the hotel. The planner splits for a meeting, and Elena is a little pissed because the planner didn’t let her know about this beforehand. Nothing seems to be going right and Elena starts to cry. I feel badly for her because these are things the planner should have gone over with her, and she did all this in the first place because she wasn’t happy with it the first time around. Seems to me, no one is getting their expectations met on this trip, but she’s the one who really counts.

Preston can tell things aren’t right with Elena, and she says she’s not feeling it at all. Preston says that no matter what, it will be special, and he’s thrilled their families will finally get to meet. Elena gets a boost when the family luncheon goes well, but then the planner brings her back down again. She doesn’t have a picture of the bouquet. She says it’s never been made before, but her description is very elaborate, and that’s not what Elena wanted. She wanted simple. She says she feels like the planner hasn’t even listened to her requests and I tend to agree.

Tonya confronts Matt privately about the bitch thing, and he gives her an eloquent apology. He says he shouldn’t have lumped her in when she was actually trying to have a conversation.  Again, I’ve never seen this guy be anything but okay, and treat Briana any way except like a queen.

Briana decides that if Matt and Tonya can make up, maybe she and Christy can too. Christy thinks it’s okay to call Matt whatever she wants, but he shouldn’t have called her a bitch. Briana tells her about Todd’s texting, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She starts getting all loud and emotional again, and Terra steps in to cool things down. I’m totally with her on not wanting more drama to happen at Elena’s weekend, but she seems to think Briana is starting something with Christy. She tried to talk to Christy, and Christy is the one who got weird.

Elena sees a picture of the bouquet and it’s not what she wanted. Now she’s worried about everything else, like the cake and the ceremony itself. She’s having major second thoughts. The space looks beautiful though, with an archway set up for the couple, and the ocean in the background.

Christy says Todd showed her all of the messages between him and Briana, and that Briana’s lying again. Like he couldn’t have deleted something. I believe Briana.

The worst thing about all this is that it’s so unfair to Elena. If these girls were really friends of hers, they’d avoid having these confrontations and save it until the weekend is over. It’s not like they don’t have any distractions. It’s Hawaii for Pete’s sake!

Everything is gorgeous, including the bride. Elena is finally happy and she looks like the most beautiful Barbie doll in the world. When they exchange the vows they’ve written, everyone starts to cry. They are so obviously in love, it even touches my heart. At least no one started anything during the ceremony.

Back to middle school. This is just sad. The table is filled, so Matt and Briana have to sit by themselves.

The not-so-newlyweds enter and do their first dance. Preston sings to her and she says she wants to consummate the vow renewal now. She looks absolutely hot, in a red lace dress that isn’t quite as revealing as the wedding dress. Elena also has a dance with her father. She says that of all the American wedding traditions, this is her favorite. This touches me as my father passed away before I got married, so I didn’t get that experience.

Christy is going on and on and on to Tonya about how Briana is the one who started texting Todd, when she’d said she didn’t have his number. Doesn’t she know he can delete stuff??? Don’t do this here. Please. Please.

She confronts Briana like she’s five. In a sing-songy voice with her hands flailing about. I think Christy is incredibly insecure. And I think Todd does try to flirt with Briana.

Tonya catches the bouquet. It’s the finale, so they have those things that tell you what everyone is doing now. The best one was that Elena was expecting two bundles of joy…she’s getting breast enhancement surgery. I’ll miss the girls a lot, but I’m looking forward to the reunion.

Million Dollar Listing LA

Because the Little Women ran overtime, I missed the first half hour. I came in to James showing some developers a property with an amazing view. Basically no different from any other episode. I see from the blurb that both NBA player Kris Humphries and Brian Wilson are going to be clients. I don’t know squat about basketball, but I’m assuming Kris is the really tall one with the developers.

Brian Wilson seems really weird. Really, really weird.

JoshF is showing the cutest house! It looks like a fairy tale cottage. But with new appliances. The client sounds hard to please and is judging the appropriateness of the house by the vibes of some painting she’s hauling around with her.

JoshA is still having problems with the Aberdeen house. The buyers want a three month extension which is like a death knell in real estate land. They decide to cancel the deal. JoshA is supposed to meet Brian Wilson at a tattoo parlor and it looks like he’s not going to show. Brian has left instructions for Josh to get a war eagle tattoo and he does, but just a stencil.

James and David have sellers that are very attached to their house, the one with the view. That means they won’t want to part with it under their asking price. Aww, the lady is crying about the house. I love my house too, but if I was getting 6+ million, I don’t know if I’d cry over it. It looks like they have a deal, but after they shake hands, Kris is having second thoughts about the 60 day something-or-other. A lot of this stuff always seems petty to me.

Commercial break. Okay, this is kind of cute. A guy bribes hotel personnel with Cheetos so he can use his float in the pool.

Kris says if they’ll do it in 30 days, he’ll kick in another 50K and make sure their move is smooth. Deal done.

Me too!

Oct21

October 20, 2015 — GH, a Cranky Chef & Quote

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

It’s almost Halloween! And as we know, celebrations go on much longer in Port Charles than IRL. Lulu scares the crap out of Maxie, popping out in a mask on The Haunted Star. Maxie reminds her that she just found a body in the water, right off the front porch, and Lulu concurs that maybe her timing was bad.

That’s right, I forgot Brad is a lab technician. Alexis confers with him about the DNA test and he says he can’t believe she swiped a baby’s binkie. I guess he’s forgotten some of the depths he’s sunk to, but I’m glad to see him.

Some fat dude, who looks like The Sopranos’ Big Pussy if he cleaned up well, brings Sonny a cannoli. Sonny asks if anyone knows who put the hit out on Carrrlos. Fat Dude says it was no one from Sonny’s organization, and that they wouldn’t have acted on something Ava said without his say-so. Sonny isn’t convinced Carrrlos shot him. He wants Fat Dude to find out who killed Carrrlos. The revolving door happens, and Fat Dude leaves, while Patrick and Carly enter. Sonny wants to go home…today.

Lucas talks to Julian about his upcoming nuptials with Brad. For whatever reason, Julian suggests that Brad might be playing him for a fool. I thought Brad’s wandering ways were over. What did I miss?

Olivia is still weeping over Ned, and I would be too, since he’s one fine-looking man. She gives Dante the lowdown. He says she did the right thing and says sometimes no matter how hard you try the truth comes out in the end. She wonders if he’s still talking about her or something else. Olivia tells him that Julian seemed to buy the adoption story, but Alexis, not so much

Brad asks Alexis for legal help. She thinks he’s talking about his divorce from Rosalie (oops! forgot about that), but he says there’s more to it than that and he could go to prison for a long time, and so could Rosalie. I can’t wait to find out what on earth they did. I also can’t imagine why they’d have to stay married because of it. Unless his parents know the truth and are holding it over their heads.

Anna visits Doc (Kevin) for help with her delusions. It’s like old home week! Can I put in an order for some Faison? Doc thinks that Anna is talking about seeing Duke, and she says she’d actually be grateful for that. Oh wow. She tells Doc she’s been seeing Carrrlos. Is she going to tell him everything? Would that fall under doctor/patient confidentiality?

Commercial break. I have to admit, I’ve only seen Grey’s Anatomy once. It was the one where Seth Green died and it was really depressing. That’s not what’s stopping me from watching it though. It looks like a terrific show, but I just can’t watch everything.

Dillon interrupts The Haunted Star decorating and complains that he still needs to film there. At least I know where he’s filming now. But not for long. Maxie says his unrequited love problems are causing delays and they should shoot somewhere else. Lulu doesn’t want them filming there either. Dillon apologizes to Lulu for being a jerk and begs to finish filming there.

Anna asks Doc about the doctor/patient thing, and he says unless a patient says they’re going to hurt someone, it’s all good. She says what about a crime that’s already been committed, and he says that’s a grey area.

Brad and Alexis are interrupted by Lucas (who I consistently want to call “Nathan”) and Julian. Alexis says it’s clear that Julian is hiding something, and he says he’ll tell her when they get home. Since there’s only 20 minutes left of the show, I assume this means tomorrow, or next week. Surprisingly, it’s after the next commercial. Julian has had a new house designed and built for them. Contractors work fast there! Mushy stuff with candles, rose petals and a bathtub. Congratulations to Julian for keeping his shirt on for a whole two days…almost.

Commercial break. I can’t take one more of these Xarelto commercials with Kevin Nealon and Arnold Palmer and the racing guy. I can’t.

Lulu says that Dillon makes her uncomfortable now and she wants him to film somewhere else. Although why she has to be there when they’re filming escapes me. Dillon says he’s already gotten half a million from his father (what did he spend it on?) and can’t ask for any more. Maxie suggests hitting up other family members because if he can’t do that “what’s the point of being related to those back-biting lunatics?” meaning the Quartermaines.

Anna comes thisclose to telling Doc everything, but doesn’t quite. She makes it sound like she’s seeing things because she was with Duke at the end.

Patrick says no way is Sonny going anywhere. Despite his just-back-from-the-Bahamas look, apparently he’s got a long way to go. Patrick leaves. Fat Dude and Junior pop in. Junior is now my name for the young guy in the thankless role, who has no lines and has been guarding Sonny’s room.

Brad tells Lucas that he’s taken steps to extract himself from his marriage, and then he’ll be free to marry Lucas. Lovey dovey stuff and they kiss as the elevator door closes.

While Julian sloshes through the rose petals to get a beer or something, Alexis looks at the paper from the lab. Hard to tell what the news is from the faces she’s making, but we already know that baby Mateo is baby Leo.

Maxie suggests Dillon get half the door at the Haunted Star Halloween party as an investment. Maxie says after that, she’ll never have to hear from Dillon again. Lulu agrees.

Doc gives Anna a prescription for low dose anti-anxiety meds, and says maybe next time she can tell him what she couldn’t today.

Carly busts in on Patrick, and demands to know when Sonny is going to walk. Patrick says Sonny could be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. I’ll bet he’s walking by Christmas.

Below Deck

When last we left our yachtees, Dane had just gotten the boot from Captain Lee.

The primary guest is celebrating his 50th birthday. He’s coming with his girlfriend, sons and some other friends. The girls flip out over the pic of one of his friends who looks exactly like Ryan Gosling. Seriously, they could pass for twins. They do say we all have one somewhere, right? They want a white party and the captain tells Chef Leon to use his imagination. He doesn’t know how much he’s asking. They’ve also requested shark diving, so it should be an interesting trip.

Rocky is actually doing her job. And she says she’s enjoying it. Apparently, the “hooking up” she and Eddie did last week paid off. I love the dress uniforms that they welcome and say good-by to the guests in. The women look like old-fashioned airplane stewardesses. Like the Barbie outfit I used to have. Minus the hat.

The primary’s girlfriend looks a bit like Jessica Alba. I wonder if they’re celebrity impersonators. They’re having lunch on the deck and she’s wearing a sunhat. This makes me remember a time, when eating outside at South Street Seaport, I wish I’d had one.

Leon is such a d-bag. Kate is trying to explain to him that the primary has never had a proper birthday cake, because she thinks it should be special, and Leon acts like the biggest snot rag ever. Oh Lord, he won’t even let her use a box from the galley. I’d rather work with ten Rockys than half of this guy.

Oh no! The shark dive has to be cancelled. The visibility stinks, and 10 foot visibility + 10 foot sharks = unsafe. Captain Lee says he hates giving guests bad news, and I can understand that. He probably hopes it doesn’t affect the tip too, even though it’s out of his control. The guests are cool about it though, and they’re going to do a lobster dive. I actually think I’m more disappointed than they are.

Commercial break. I love Captain Lee, but he looks mighty uncomfortable doing those Après Ski ads.

OMG – Leon is going on and on about this box. Finally, Kate finds some other cardboard, and she and Connie make…something.  Yikes! Emile thinks Leon is a great guy and he’s great at what he does. Are we seeing the same guy? Okay, I see. Connie is dressing up like a shark in lieu of the shark dive and the cardboard thing they made is a headpiece. Never mind the tip, these people are going to want their money back. Eddie says it’s like they’re in middle school and I agree. Eddie wants to break up with his girlfriend, but knows it’s bad form to do it on the phone.

Leon is taking a nap and Rocky is looking for stuff to make chicken quesadillas. Hopefully, she’ll cook the chicken all the way through this time. Uh-oh. She’s making it for the guests and the captain notices. He says Leon has misplaced the concept that they’re not on his schedule, but the guests’ schedule. And seriously, after last week’s raw chicken fiasco at the crew dinner she cooked, Rocky should not be allowed to cook for the guests.

Emile is bartending and talking about his personal life to the guests. Isn’t that backward? They say he’s the Rico Suavé of the yacht. I detect sarcasm here.

Leon is doing that smear on the plate thing. I always think it just makes the plate look messy the second you start to eat. He tells Kate the name of the dish in French, and she says she knew the kitchen was bi-polar, but not bi-lingual. I think it’s funny and deserved, but Rocky says Kate’s “being evil.” Please. Leon is a total dickweed. (Spellcheck tried to make that “duckweed,” but ha-ha, I trumped it.) Captain Lee is hanging around in the galley because he’s sick of Leon’s attitude. This is the third or fourth time he’s served “beef cheeks,” this season too. This is the guy who the captain wanted to use his imagination.

Rocky is on night shift, and thinks this means just having fun with the guests. Amy tells her that once in a while she needs to extract herself and actually do some work. I guess that spurt of ambition is over. As they do dishes, Rocky says she’s thinking about her life and where she’s at. Mentally, I guess that would be nowhere. Amy SKYPES with her brother, who was a deckhand last season.

Eddie and Rocky “hook up” again in the laundry room. I think Eddie is going to be sorry. Rocky says she feels like he cares about her, but I’ll bet he doesn’t care about her more than his job.

Kate says she’s never had such a miserable experience with a chef than she has with Leon. I’ve never even worked with a chef, and I can still say with total conviction, me too. Captain Lee is very close to being totally pissed off. For whatever reason, Emile says that the Kate/Leon discord is because of him and Rocky. Connie says he’s an idiot. Yep. Amy once again tries to get through to Rocky about her job attitude. Rocky says she’s not four and stop talking to her like a 4-year-old. Stop acting like one then. She can’t seem to grasp that work is not the place where you do whatever you want and that you actually have to work. Of course she loves Leon too. It’s no surprise since neither one of them has any work ethic. Or probably any other ethic.

Leon is going to make rabbit, and one of the guests tells a sad story about how they ate her pet rabbit as a kid. Leon is still going to make rabbit. Kate suggests they have venison next while watching Bambi. The guest who told the rabbit story gets upset when it’s served. I think it’s creepy and it doesn’t help when one of the other guests starts singing “Here Comes Peter Cottontail.” What a cretin.

It’s midnight and they’re having a birthday countdown with a toast a la New Year’s Eve. The birthday boy wants to watch Kung Fu movies. Sounds like a reasonable request. The popcorn stays too long in the microwave and everything is smoke city. Even I know you have to keep an eye on microwave popcorn. Or an ear (no pun intended). Fire in the galley! The pizza has started a fire in the regular oven and smoke alarms are going off.

Next week’s part two looks great, a real sh*tshow. Leon acting all smug, telling Captain Lee that everything is Kate’s fault; Rocky having some kind of emotional breakdown in front of Eddie, stripping, and jumping into the water; and Chef Ben coming back! Does this mean Leon is walking the plank?

The People’s Couch

Since this is a show where I’m watching other people make comments about what they’re watching, for me to comment on it seems redundant. So instead it’s the source of this week’s quote.

“She’s too perky to go to the hospital. Perky people don’t go to the hospital.” One of the “glammas” in reference to a scene in Fargo.

Oct20

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Hey! It’s Ned! He’s been off touring with his daughter, Brooklyn. Yo! Eddie Maine! When Alexis says something about “Olivia and Leo,” Ned says Leo is the baby that passed away and Mateo is the adopted baby. Alexis asks him if he was there for the adoption, and he says he was aware of everything, so I’m thinking he knows the truth. It’s like when you say you “have experience” with something on a resume and what you really mean is you walked past it once. Alexis is definitely suspicious, and when she leaves, calls somewhere regarding a DNA test. That lab makes a lot of money from Port Charles residents.

If Sabrrrina doesn’t stop “thinking about” Carrrlos, everyone is going to get a clue. She tells Michael she’s pregnant and when he starts singing “You’re Having My Baby,” she gives a soap opera face. Okay, I’m making up the singing part, but he did say it and she did make a face. And she stared at the picture of Carrrlos on the front page of the paper. He asks why she waited so long to tell him, and she says it was fear of losing another baby. This might actually be believable, if she’d lost baby Gabriel from a miscarriage, but it was a car accident. But that’s okay, no one has noticed this.

Kiki is still busy drinking. Morgan questions her drinking alone, and she says it’s better company. Hear, hear!

Whiney voice, I mean, Molly, isn’t happy about Julian moving in. Julian says she’s entitled to her opinion, but he’s entitled to try and change it. She’s like, good luck with that. She seems to think that whatever phone call he was on when she came in has something to do with a kidnapping. She tells Alexis that the next time Julian gets a mysterious phone call, that she should dig a hole and stick her head in it. She storms out while Alexis looks all shocked at the remark. Really? It’s not like Whiney Molly hasn’t been outspoken before. At least Julian has his shirt on today.

Spinelli tells Sam that Jason is still with them, just not in the conventional way. Boy, he has no idea how close he is to the truth. She says she sees Jason in Danny, and is feeling guilty for moving on. “Jake” goes to Windermere to shake Nicholas down about who he really is. Hayden steps in to stop him from strangling Nicholas. Nicholas tells him his life is better without knowing, and he did the DNA test to protect the innocent. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That’s a good one! He accuses “Jake” of stealing his files and says he must have had help from Sam.”Jake” says to go ahead and press charges, but good luck getting them to stick. Nicholas admits comparing his DNA to an international database, but says there was no result. Like any of us believe that.

A strange (meaning a stranger, not weird) girl approaches Morgan. She says she noticed he got shot down by Kiki, but in lieu of that, he can flirt with her. She introduces herself as Darby Collette, which sounds like a romance writer pseudonym.

Ned goes to see Olivia and tells her he’s been doing a lot of thinking (never a good sign), and that he believes they should go their separate ways. Both Olivia and I make a sad face because Ned has aged really well. Ned says he can’t go along with the charade about Leo. He says that one lie leads to another until instead of living your life, you’re living a lie. Good one. As I’ve mentioned, I’m in this for the action stuff, not the couples, but even I feel badly about this. Ned doesn’t want to break up, but he tells her she has to tell Julian the truth.

It’s the anniversary of Jason’s loss, and Spinelli thinks they should do something special. Sam says Jason never liked a big deal about anything and suggest they just stand there as friends and meditate on the stars. A shooting star goes by and voila! here comes “Jake” to join them. Honestly, this is killing me.

Ned says he wants to stay with Olivia and be a family with Leo, but not under false pretenses. Olivia says she was going to tell Julian the truth, but Julian got arrested before she could say anything. The charges were dropped, but she doesn’t believe he’s out of the mob. Ned tells her good-by, and says that if she needs him for anything, just call.

Darby invites Morgan to a party, and Molly comes by, having used her fake ID to get in the bar. Darby knows Molly from school, and invites her along too. Morgan is on the fence about going, and Darby prods Molly for info on him when he steps away from the table.

Michael tells Sabrrrina that he loves her and wants the baby. He asks her what she wants, and she makes another soap opera face. No one asked me what I want, but I’d like Carrrlos back. Sabrrrina says she loves Michael too. What’s going to happen when that baby comes out with a beard and moustache?

Spinelli leaves Sam and “Jake” on the docks. “Jake” clues Sam in on what happened with Nicholas. He says that Nicholas will probably be running around, tying up loose ends, and that’s when he might slip up.

Nicholas asks Hayden if it might have occurred to her that he’s telling the truth about not knowing “Jake’s” identity, and she laughs her head off. Me too. Young Spencer comes in and it’s time for Hayden to toddle off so he and Nicholas can have a scene together. Spencer asks Nicholas what his intentions are toward Hayden. I love this kid and think he has a huge future in show biz. Spencer says he doesn’t want to like Hayden too much because he doesn’t want things to end up like they did with Britt. Nicholas says he feels the same way, and Spencer asks who he’s kidding, he’s in love with Hayden.

Morgan hassles Kiki some more. She tells him he hurts her just be being around and to leave her alone. She’s not even being that loud, but everyone in the bar seems to be listening in.

The most boring couple in the world, Alexis and Julian, discuss Molly, and I fall asleep.  Oddly enough, Julian gets another mystery call, but instead of taking Molly’s advice, Alexis listens from the hallway. He ends the call with saying if anything goes wrong, they’ll be consequences.

Kiki is done drinking, but has forgotten her wallet. The bartender, who has taken her car keys, tells her to walk home, which is highly unlikely, since he could be held responsible if anything happens. Why isn’t he just calling her a cab (you’re a cab!) and letting her deal with it from there?

Spencer says he sees the mating dance, the smolder and the skip in Nicholas’s step. ROFL! Nicholas steers him to bed.

We end with “Jake” and Sam parting company, while we see another shooting star. Come on already.

The Real Housewives of the OC – Reunion Part One

We start off behind-the-scenes with Meghan saying that she doesn’t know what to expect, and “I’ll just go out and be myself, I guess.” No, Meghan. Go out and be Fred Flintstone. I’d actually prefer Fred.

The ladies (and I use the term loosely) are dressed surprisingly understated. No ball gowns or ballerina outfits, although Shannon has an amazing pair of earrings that I desperately want.

Sadly, Jim’s ex-wife passed away, but on the upside, Hayley actually managed to graduate high school.

Meghan starts off picking on Vicki, because she’s of the opinion that the love for one’s own child is different than that toward a step-child.

I’m shocked when Heather, who is friends with another ex-wife of Jim’s, says that Meghan shouldn’t have criticized the ex on the show because she couldn’t answer for herself.  I agree. I also agree with her that being a stay-at-home mom is sometimes a harder job than working outside the home, and if you do, why can’t you have a nice purse. This was brought up because of Vicki’s comment about a stay-at-home wife spending the husband’s money.

We go down Memory Lane with Vicki and her mom. When Vicki’s mom died, that was one episode I could not watch a second time. My father passed away just before I got married, and I can so identify with how she feels. She says she feels like she doesn’t have anyone “watching out for” her now and I totally understand. She talks about how she still sometimes wants to pick up the phone when something happens and I get that too. When I went to my 20th high school reunion, I found out a childhood friend of mine had died, and my first thought was to call my father, and then I realized he was no longer here. Even after 30 years, it’s a feeling that’s hard to shake. Vicki tells a funny story about her mom getting arrested and it lightens the mood.

Commercial break. Oh, good! The Girlfriend’s Guide to Divorce is coming back for another season. Great show! I also love Odd Mom Out and hope it returns. I was surprised I liked the latter, because I thought I wouldn’t be able to relate, but it’s funny as hell, and more about being a New Yorker than anything else.

They have a funny segment about how particular the women are when they order food in a restaurant. Heather tells Shannon that she’s doing too many colonics. This, coming from the person who duct taped leeches to their stomach. Vicki also got some criticism for telling the naked sushi girl that she should get a real job. In all fairness, she also got a lot of resumes.

Meghan can’t cook Minute Rice? Really? She also doesn’t know who Heather Locklear is. One of the things that’s really bothered me about her is that she’s an ageist. I can’t count the times she’s referenced the ages of the other women in comparison to her 30 years on the earth. When I was in my 30s, one of my closest friends was in her 80s.

Tamra says that she and Meghan “speak the truth,” and I throw up in my mouth.  Andy asks Meghan what “judgy eyes” look like and she makes a cartoon face. I guess they look like Mr. Magoo when he puts on his glasses.

We flash back to Tamra telling us she’s been saved, “and if you don’t like it, you can suck it.” Why? Why does she always have to be so profane? Now, I’m no prude by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think some things are inappropriate. For instance, I was raised by a sailor and can certainly curse like one, but I don’t do that in front of someone’s aging parents. It was like when Tamra called Alexis “Jesus Jugs.” I was just like WTF? It made me cringe.

Tamra has had a lot of difficulties with her eldest daughter and there have been a lot of conflicts. Apparently, this child needs therapy, and her ex, who fought and won custody, didn’t think it was necessary. The court said because she was 17, she could make the decision of who she wants to live with. After a wonderful vacation together, where afterward her daughter texted “I love you” to her, Tamra’s daughter exited her life and hasn’t returned. Simon, her ex, is a controlling bastard, so it’s not surprising that he would use a child’s health to get back at Tamra. The kids also read the tabloid stuff, which has been less than kind to her. While I don’t think she’s the soul of tact, I don’t think she’s a bad mother and it’s unfortunate that she’s had to go through this. The upside is, it led her to the Lord, and I’m hoping she continues to grow.

Yep, we see the Alexis clip. Alexis sends an email to Andy to pass along to Tamra. Whoa. She totally calls Tamra out. I might have been a little more diplomatic, but she’s right on the money. She says that just because Jesus takes us as we are and we continue to make mistakes, it doesn’t give Tamra a hall pass to act like the same old bitch. I translated that last part. Tamra says Alexis is the kind of Christian that gives Christians a bad name, and that she shouldn’t be sitting in judgment. While I agree with the latter, isn’t Tamra doing the same thing with that statement? And sorry, Tamra is more likely to give Christians a bad name.

The previews show them talking about Brooks. I didn’t think we were going to get any of that tonight.

Ladies of London

They always have great music on this show. I love foreign pop!

Julie says she’s creating a new mold for being a Lady. Alexis Carrington Sophie says British aristocracy is a “civilized pursuit” (what?) and you need to dress the part.

The Baroness has gotten a humongous bouquet from her boyfriend, and I wonder if we’ll ever get to see him. Oooh. The card says “you kiss my soul.” Do you think he made that up himself? There’s more mushy stuff, but that was the best part. Caroline #1 has come by for a visit.

Marissa is telling her husband about the crater-sized faux pas she made at bowling, giving the Baroness a shirt that said “cougar” on it, and proceeding to make some really disgusting comments about dating children. The Baroness was not too happy about it, and the boyfriend pushed Marissa out of the taxi and left her in the street when she was supposed to get a ride home with them. I laugh so hard, I think I’ll bust a gut. Why didn’t Bravo film this???!

Annabelle says that it’s ironic that Julie is a yoga teacher and she’s always in a panic. The group is going on a shooting weekend, an aristocratic and expensive thing to do. The weekend part looks great, but you can leave me out of the shooting. Juliet is hosting it, which is kind of weird. Isn’t she a vegetarian? Marissa is a babbling idiot at dinner. Ha-ha! Juliet doesn’t have to do a thing to get back at her. Just let her be her stupid self. They get on the topic of is cougar a bad thing, and have to explain what MILF means to Julie like she’s a two-year-old. Caroline #1 is on edge because of her business going down the tubes. Everyone is meeting at 8 a.m., but she’s booked a spa day. I’d go with her.

There are elaborate outfits to shoot in. There are a lot of layers and it looks like it’s pretty chilly out. They’re shooting pheasants and partridges (♫ Come on, get happy! ♫), and the meat gets sold to pubs and given to the local people. I would never want to hunt, but I’m okay with others doing it if it gets eaten.

Oh, it’s Julie that’s the vegetarian. Why do their names have to be so similar, and why do we have 2 Carolines? Juliet says Marissa wants to be Victoria Beckham. Not bloody likely. Ever. Yay! It’s time to go to the pub.

Joan Collins Sophie says a shot of vodka in your soup can get you through the day or something like that. She also says that on these shooting weekends, they basically drink their faces off.

Julie and Marissa are having champagne and a bubble bath together. I don’t really like bubble baths much to begin with, but this is really weird IMO. The other girls have gone to the bar to have champagne. Everyone reconvenes for dinner. Caroline #1 needs to eat immediately, and I understand this. My husband has learned to understand that if we’re in the car and I say I need to eat now, I mean now, not 30 minutes from now. Oooh. The Baroness says Marissa makes her insides crawl. Me too! Caroline #1 tells Marissa that even if she apologized, she also blabbed to everyone within hearing distance about the cab thing, and it got back to the Baroness’s family. Marissa is also best friends with the Baroness’s sister.

Commercial break. Why is Samuel L. Jackson stumping for Capital One? He can’t possibly need the money.

Caroline #1 has to explain things to Marissa. Marissa hunts down the Baroness in the bathroom. The Baroness says she tried to climb out the window, but it was locked. Marissa is so freaking dense. She says she didn’t tell the whole world. Doesn’t matter. She told the wrong person. She has no business discussing the Baroness’s boyfriend with anyone. The Baroness says that her boyfriend did not “push” her out of the car, that she was dawdling, so they took off. I tend to believe her. The Baroness has had enough though, and accepts Marissa’s apology. Too bad. I liked the Evil Baroness, staring daggers at Marissa. The girls come back in with their arms around each other and everyone applauds. More dinking and parlor games.

This includes funneling some tequila into Juliet’s mouth. Yuk!

Next week, it’s London Fashion Week!

Oct19

October 18, 2015 — A Sword, Some Wolfs & Two Joes

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

In old Camelot, young Arthur tells young Guinevere that Merlin (who is trapped inside a tree) gave him a prophecy that he would pull a sword from a stone and they would become king and queen.  Fast forward to Arthur as an adult. When he takes the sword from the stone, the bottom of it is gone, taken to make Dark Emma’s dagger. Arthur hides it in a sheath when he returns to the people, acting like nothing is wrong.  Arthur tells David he can re-forge the sword so that it will again be able to defeat the powers of darkness.

Rumpelstiltskin tells Emma since she’s the savior, she needs to save herself before it’s too late. Good point.

David wants to take the dagger and use it to put the sword back together. Snow doesn’t trust Arthur, and even though David thinks it will save Emma, she wants to wait. David approaches Arthur and tells him Lancelot is alive. Guinevere overhears and tells David he doesn’t know the whole story of her and Lance. David goes into his bag to get the dagger, but it’s gone.

In old Camelot, it’s Guinevere’s birthday party. Arthur is late and Lancelot dances with the queen. Guinevere has taken a magic gauntlet that she believes will help find the missing piece of the sword. Lancelot joins her in the quest and the gauntlet leads them to a weird circle that looks like a giant sewer cap with mystical symbols on it. When it opens, there’s a staircase to a place that looks kind of like a mine. All kinds of black crazy stuff comes out of nowhere and surrounds Lancelot. Guinevere makes it go away and they kiss. She says it won’t happen again, but I dunno about that.

Henry takes Emma and Hook to a stable where he wants to show them something, but they’re interrupted by Henry’s crush, Violet. Emma and Hook hide, and Henry and Violet go riding.

Lance and Gwen come to a forest where the dagger is on display. When they try to take it, they’re thrown back and Rumpel appears.  Rumpel offers them a compromise – a pinch of enchanted sand will fix the sword without the dagger. He asks for the gauntlet in exchange for a vial of it. He tells Gwen that when a woman’s heart is torn between duty and desire, it never ends well. She agrees to the exchange, and he adds that she needs to worry about a broken heart more than a broken sword.

Lance and Snow go underground and on to the forest. Snow says she’s seen this place in a vision before, and Dark Emma crushed her heart there. Arthur has followed them. He’s led David on a wild goose chase to look for Snow, and says that if Snow knows what’s good for her, she’ll hand over the dagger.

Gwen gets back to Camelot and tells Arthur about the sand that will make something broken seem whole again. Maybe she should use it on their relationship. He still wants the dagger, but she tells him that if he doesn’t get with the program, she’s leaving him for Lance. Bizarrely, Arthur takes my advice and throws some of the sand at Gwen. It makes her cool with Arthur going on his quest for the dagger, and he tosses a load of the sand out of the tower window and over the kingdom.

Arthur says he’ll kill Lance if Snow doesn’t give him the dagger and she hands it over. He says he can now command Dark Emma to put the sword back together and free Merlin. He orders her to appear and nothing happens. Snow tells him the dagger isn’t real and voila! here’s David. He says he knew something was up with Arthur who “tried to trick [him] with a catchy title and a comfy chair.” (Another Monty Python reference.)

Hook tells Emma to quit talking to Rumpel in her head and get on the horse. They ride off, but Emma is still seeing Rumpel watching them.

Arthur looks like someone took his last piece of Halloween candy, and Snow thinks he’s unusually quiet. That’s because Gwen and a whole lot of knights show up to set him free. Gwen, still under the sand’s spell, tells the knights to take Lance to the dungeon, and uses the last of the sand on Snow and David. Meanwhile, Merida from Brave shows up at Lance’s cell.

Snow and David tell Regina to bring the dagger out of hiding and give it to Arthur, as it’s their best chance to help Emma. Emma and Hook frolic in the forest, and Rumpel is nowhere to be seen, even by Emma. Nice crane shot of Hook and Emma embracing in a field of roses.

Dark Emma has Mr. Gold (Storybrook Rumpel) held prisoner. She also has Merida handcuffed to a Volkswagen. (Didn’t seem all that weird up until now, right?) Dark Emma steals Merida’s heart and tells her to take her bow and make Mr. Gold the brave guy she needs.

The Walking Dead

We begin by seeing how Enid got to Alexandra. We see her in a car, writing “JSS” on the window; escaping to a forest, where she writes “JSS” in the dirt; and then eating a turtle. I’m not kidding, I’m watching her eat a turtle right now. She makes another “JSS” out of its bones. She gets to the gate at Alexandria, writes it in the dirt on the back of her hand, someone opens the gate, and she enters. Okay, I give up already. (BTW, no turtles were harmed in the making of this episode – it didn’t just taste like chicken, it was chicken.)

Maggie wants Deanna to help plant a garden in the safe zone and finish the wall. Eugene and Tara meet the new doctor, Denise, who is really a psychiatrist and scared out of her wits. Tara says she’s been feeling dizzy, so Denise takes a look at her for an easy start to her new profession.

Carl (where’s he been?) is pushing baby Judith in a stroller. Father Gabriel interrupts his walk, telling him that he was wrong and wants to learn how to fight the zombies. Carl tells him to come by later and they’ll start with the machete.

Carol is busy cooking, and probably cooking something up in her head, when she sees Shelly having a smoke out on the lawn. Suddenly, a guy comes out of nowhere and kills Shelly with a machete. Is Carl prophetic? Maggie and Deanna see that part of the wall is on fire and someone is climbing over it to the outside. They come across a body that’s been set on fire. A load of crazies start to wreak havoc, chopping people up and writing “W” (for Wolf) on their foreheads in the blood. I don’t know what’s going on. Civil unrest or something else? A gigantic truck drives right into the church and if that truck horn doesn’t stop in about 5 seconds, I’m going out of my mind and joining the Wolfs. Thank you, Morgan, for poking that zombie in the head who’s leaning on the horn.

Chaos is everywhere in Alexandria. A guy who looks like he’s from Deliverance tries to attack Morgan with an axe, but Carol comes from behind and gets him first. She puts a “W” on her forehead too, and disguises herself as one of them.

Holly has been badly injured, but Denise is afraid to try and operate on her. Eugene tells her she doesn’t want to be a coward. And he oughtta know. Denise bucks up and asks for the supplies she needs. Ron is almost attacked by a Wolf, but Carl shoots him (the guy, not Ron). The guy acts all feeble, but when Carl gets closer, he tries to grab Carl’s gun. Bad move because Carl is a serious badass and finishes him off. A Wolf gets into Jessie’s house and knocks her down, but not out. Jessie stabs the sh*t out of her with a pair of scissors as Ron walks in. If he’s not traumatized for life and beyond by now, he never will be.

A Wolf, who obviously knows Gabriel, tries to kill him, but Morgan intervenes. Carol gets to the armory and grabs as many weapons as she can. She also finds Lydia hiding in a closet and tells her to arm herself. Just as the dude who knows Gabriel is about to explain things, Carol shoots him in the head. Thanks, Carol, since it might have been a good idea to find out what’s going on.

Some Wolfs surround Morgan and he fends every one of them off with a stick. I’d definitely want him on my team. He seems to understand more than he’s letting on. Certainly more than I do. He tells the remaining Wolf that if he keeps choosing this kind of life, he’ll end up dead, and the Wolf says he has no choice and takes off.

Commercial break. Into the Badlands looks awesome!

Carol sits on the steps, pondering a pack of cigarettes. I’m pondering if we’re ever going to find out what was up with that truckload of top-half zombies from last season. Aaron takes a pack of photos off the body of a Wolf and it looks like pictures of the Alexandria wall.

Holly flatlines. Tara tells Denise she tried, but Denise is pretty dejected. She wants everyone to leave, and Tara tells her not to forget to give Holly mercy. No, wait, that’s the other show. She tells Denise to make sure to stab Holly in the brain.

Now everyone is pondering what the blip just happened.

Enid has left Carl a note that says “just survive somehow.” JSS, which is coincidentally the name of tonight’s episode. Carol’s kitchen timer goes off and Carl takes the brownies out of the oven. Morgan seems to be on clean-up detail, and is finding straggling Wolfs who are now un-dead.  Oh no! Another Deliverance Guy is hiding and attacks Morgan He says “You can’t, can you? You should have.” Whatever that means. Apparently, he’s wrong about it though, and Morgan finishes him off. He does, however, apologize first.

Morgan and Carol pass like ships in the night. The streets are clear and quiet. Geez, Rick can’t leave these people alone for five minutes.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Teresa Checks In

Teresa controls the Giudice family from the inside like a mob boss, but Joe is definitely stepping up as Mr. Mom.

Melissa picks up the kids for a girl’s day out, while the two Joes get together for a guy’s day. I don’t know if it’s going to be GTL (gym, tan, laundry), but it’s definitely G.  We see the girls getting mani/pedis, while the guys work out. Melissa tells Gia that if she needs a woman to talk to about anything, she’s there for her. In her individual interview, Melissa says that Gia is most like Teresa. She also says God never gives you more than you can handle. Although sometimes I wonder about that one. Joe and Joe give us TMI about what Joe is doing at night without Teresa. ♫ LA-LA-LA! ♫

Joe has had his license suspended for two years (this guy is really bad at breaking the law), and this is a real hassle right now. Teresa’s lawyer brings her diary. Teresa wants Joe to read it, and also the girls when they’re old enough. Teresa sounds like a real broad, breaking up prison fights and such. You go, girl! If you can’t beat the system, boss it around.

Teresa’s parents, along with Melissa and Joe Gorga, come by for Teresa’s phone call. I feel badly for her parents, who are probably mortified over this whole thing and no doubt want to throttle their son-in-law. Gia says Teresa actually looks better now.  I understand she’s gotten into yoga, so that’s probably a big factor. After the call, the family sits down to dinner and discusses plans for the 4th of July. Both Melissa and Joe Gorga have applied to be visitors at the prison, but apparently, this is a pretty long process. It’s taken Joe six months, and Melissa has yet to be approved. The thought crosses my mind that maybe Teresa doesn’t want her approved.

Teresa’s lawyer (who is getting a lot of air time) comes by to discuss Joe’s possible deportation. It seems outrageous. He’s lived here for 44 years and his parents are citizens for Pete’s sake.  He does say that Teresa and the girls would go with him should that happen. I know there are plenty of people who are like, good, but IMO, that would be tremendous overkill. The Giudices might be a pair of idiots, but I certainly don’t think they’re evil, and they probably didn’t do anything a million other people haven’t. Their real crime was getting caught.

This show should be subtitled “Teresa Checks In Repeatedly.” She says that there’s more drama in prison than on The Real Housewives. She also had to change up her gym routine because low flying planes kept coming by trying to take her picture. That is seriously crazy.

The family is going “down the shore” for the 4th. The girls go in Melissa’s car and the two Joes go together. Joe Gorga asks Joe Giudice if he thinks about the time when he has to take his turn in prison. He says he just doesn’t think about that stuff because it’s not happening yet. That’s one thing I admire about him and Teresa, their ability to not think about something. I will never have this talent as long as I live.

Gia is an amazingly mature kid. She seems more like a young adult than a moody teenager. Everybody is bugging her about future dating and she’s taking it in stride. Teresa checks in yet again while they’re at the shore house, but she gets cut off because her minutes ran out. A small discussion happens between Joe and the girls about daddy having to “go to work” when mommy gets home. While Gia has said that Milania knows what’s going on, Audriana is too young yet.

Milania makes some coffee for herself, but Joe says that’s a no. Teresa checks in one more time. The girls pass the phone down, each say a little something, and when it gets to Joe, Teresa asks him to take the phone into another room. Because Gia sent out a tweet for her, Teresa’s room got shaken down. They thought she might have a cell phone and they even checked in places that most people can’t put a cell phone. Thug life!

Joe’s gotten pretty good on his bicycle. Who knows? Maybe he’ll get in shape yet. He bikes over to Angelo’s, a restaurant managed by cousin Reno. Some guy, probably another cousin, talks about going to prison himself for running numbers or something. Joe says he had that opportunity, chose not to do it, but is still going to jail. Ah, the little ironies of life. Numbers Guy talks about what it’s like on the inside. He said the hard part for him was after he got out and came home to nothing. Oh Lord. He just said the old adage that whatever doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Then how come I’m not dead or bench pressing 500 pounds? Angelo. The guy’s name is Angelo. I guess he owns the restaurant. You could probably yell, “Hey, Angelo!” in that restaurant and half the heads would turn.

The text at the end tells us that two months later, the shore house was repossessed.

I’m not what you would call a softie, but I feel sorry for this whole family. They ripped off a bank. Banks have been ripping us off for years. I honestly think they’re being made an example of because they’re reality “stars” and it just doesn’t seem right to me. They were certainly stupid, but if stupidity were a crime, we’d all be in the slammer. I hope Teresa makes a million bucks from her book just for spite.

Oct17

October 16, 2015 — Two GHs & a Whole Lotta Zs

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital – Thursday

Hayden had an MRI and fell asleep. I’ve never had one, but it looks like a good place to take a nap to me. Nobody to bother you.

Nathan gets the evening off because of the Carrrlos discovery, and he wants to pamper Maxie. How come she gets all the good ones?

Dante acts stupid toward Dillon, telling him to stay away from Lucy. They’re going to “settle it once and for all,” which makes us think they’re going to duke it out, but I’ll bet they play a round of checkers or something.

Commercial break already. I love those Snickers ads. The horseless headsman is good, but my favorite is Danny Trejo (Machete) and Steve Buscemi  in TheBrady Bunch.

Hayden doesn’t want Nicholas going with her for the MRI results; she wants to be more independent, reminding me of Herby in Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Patrick is treating Sam’s sprained ankle, and she doesn’t want to tell him how she did it. I guess not, since she shouldn’t have been lurking around Windermere. It doesn’t take her long to spill that she and “Jake” are trying to find out his real identity, but she doesn’t give Patrick the details. Kissy, kissy on the examining table. Patrick, get back to work! Is Obrecht on vacation? Where has she been? Besides working on that web series.

Maxie tells Nathan about how she pissed off Valerie over the pregnancy test, and adds that Valerie and Dillon are a no. For whatever reason, Nathan thinks Dillon is hung up on Maxie. She says he’s hung up on someone, but not her.

Lucy is in the chapel giving thanks for Dante. When she finds out what really went on, she’ll be taking that thanks back. Dante doesn’t like that Dillon kissed Lucy, but Dillon says it’s no worse than what Dante did with Valerie. Touché! He says at least he has feelings for Lucy and wasn’t using her like Dante did with Valerie. Ouch! all over the place. Dillon lets fly that he knows they did more than kiss.

Nicholas walks in on Lucy, and after insulting him, she tells him that their mother, Laura, isn’t too happy about Hayden staying at Windermere. Lucy wants to know why “Jake” wants to be involved with Hayden after it didn’t work out before, especially since she doesn’t remember anything. He says she’s different now, and to be honest, he doesn’t want her to remember. That’s a first. Nicholas being honest. Lucy says he should keep his eyes open though, just in case Hayden is conning him. As she’s leaving, she tells Nicholas that nothing can bring her down. A sure sign that she’s going to be brought down pretty soon.

Elizabeth brings in Hayden’s MRI results. After apologizing for the upsetting phone call, Hayden asks Elizabeth for help with her memory. Hayden says she just gets flashes, and wonders if she’ll ever fully recover. Patrick says that the MRI doesn’t show much damage and she should have recovered her memory by now. From what I’ve read, people with amnesia usually recover pretty quickly or not at all.

Sam and “Jake” find out the files on Nicholas’s computer are encrypted. I’m not sure why they’d be surprised at that, since he’s always doing secret stuff. Sam says she has a secret weapon and knock-knock, it’s Spinelli! Or rather, The Jackal.  Spinelli says “Jake” resembles Jason. Since Sonny mistook him for Jason, is he supposed to look kind of like Jason? I don’t see it.

Patrick says he’s surprised Hayden hasn’t recovered more. Elizabeth’s eyes dart all around the room, and I laugh. Patrick says it’s dissociative amnesia, caused by trauma. He gives Hayden the name of a shrink who might be able to help. He says hypnotism might be the answer, but Hayden feels weird about that. After Patrick leaves, Elizabeth closes the door to face Hayden and act all badass.

Maxie says Nathan should tell his secret, since she told him about Dillon. Nathan says he loves and trusts her, but occasionally her good intentions get the better of her. Nathan manages to distract her with his hot self.

Dante tells Dillon that he regrets the whole Valerie thing, but he’d thought his marriage was over. This makes him sound even worse IMO, since he just reminded me how quickly he jumped to that conclusion for basically no reason. Instead of being nice about Dillon keeping his secret, no surprise, Dante acts like a jerk. Dillon says that someday Lucy will find out, even if it’s not from him. I think that day is right around the corner.

Spinelli wastes time congratulating Sam on her engagement. Spinelli breaks the code pretty easily, and they start searching for “Jake Doe.” If I were Nicholas, I wouldn’t be putting that kind of info on my computer, but I’m not Nicholas. I’m also expecting Elizabeth to walk in any second because people in Port Charles use a Star Trek transporter to get from place to place.

Dante is following Dillon around now, which probably isn’t the best idea. Lucy arrives at the police station, sees the two of them and wonders what’s up. Dillon says he’ll let Dante do the honors. Dante tells Lucy it was just an altercation about Dillon kissing her and Lucy tells him they have the green light to try for another baby.

Elizabeth says she thinks Hayden is lying about her memory, and asks her outright if she is.

Spinelli gets distracted by a favorite quote, but then finds the email trail they’re looking for.

General Hospital – Friday

Jordan is questioning Anna about Carrrlos, even though she says it’s not an interrogation.

Elizabeth stamps her foot and insists that Hayden remembers everything. Hayden responds by telling her if she wants Elizabeth’s expertise, she’ll ask for a bed pan. Snap! Elizabeth whines about how if the secret Hayden knows gets out, it will ruin her life with “Jake” and Hayden tells her she’s pretty insecure.

Spinelli finds that Nicholas was interested in “Jake’s” DNA around the time “Jake” planted the bomb on the Haunted Star and everyone found out he was working for Helena. There’s no more information other than Nicholas was comparing the DNA to someone else’s. Sam says that The Jackal, the assassin of the internet, will have to hack into the lab’s computer.

Paul says the body has been ID’d as Carrrlos, and that he’s been dead two weeks, which is right around when Duke was killed. What kind of time clock are these people going by? Two weeks? Really? More like two months. As a matter-of-fact , after being in the water this long, he should be nothing but a skeleton. We do get a Carrrlos flashback and I’m hoping for some more later. Actually, I’m hoping Ghost Carrrlos follows Anna around again. Paul tells Anna he doesn’t believe a thing Sloane said, with his fingers crossed behind his back.

Spinelli says it’s unethical to hack into the lab’s computer and he wants to set a good example for his daughter, Georgie. Sam counters by telling him it’s for justice and the greater good.

Both Michael and Tracy give Sabrrrina flowers. Michael gets all pissed at Tracy for talking to Paul. Do he and Morgan have any other emotions? Jordan calls Michael because she has some questions and wants him to come to the station. Good. Go. Sabrrrina apologizes for Michael being a d-bag and Tracy says that what he said passes for cordial in their family. When Sabrrrina doesn’t want to go for a drunk at 10 a.m., Tracy immediately guesses she’s pregnant. Because that’s the only reason a woman wouldn’t want a drink. What is wrong with these people??? Tracy says that being blunt saves a lot of time and I concur.

Sabrrina admits she’s pregnant and Tracy gets all excited about a new Quartermaine heir. She asks if Michael is excited, but Sabrrrina says she hasn’t told him yet. Tracy wants to know what she’s waiting for. Sabrrrina says she’s afraid it won’t be good news for Michael, but Tracy thinks she’s holding back. Sabrrrina says it’s because she lost baby Gabriel, but I think it’s something else.

Jordan asks Michael what he knows about Carrrlos’s murder and Patrick asks Anna to come over for pizza tonight. Anna wants something to help her sleep. She says she dreams about Duke and it’s actually comforting, but then she wakes up and feels even worse than she did before. Patrick gets this because he went through it with Robin, and thinks she should talk to someone. I don’t know if Patrick is getting kickbacks from the shrink, but this is the second time he’s promoted his “colleague” in as many days.

Hayden tells Nicholas she’s sick of Elizabeth, Jake and Sam insisting she knows some secret, and no one can give two flyings about her own sanity. Nicholas makes excuses for Elizabeth and Hayden says she wants to get a job. Does she remember what she can do? She doesn’t.

Spinelli is on board with the hacking plan. We should all know a Spinelli. I love him and wish he was still on the show full time. Spinelli says he’ll have to bring in “bigger guns.” I’m not sure what that means in nerd talk. He explains that he wants to be alone when he does it because it requires a specialized hack.

Michael says the standard “either charge me with something or let me go” and that he’s not answering squat unless his attorney’s there.

Man, I hate those ads that pop up at the bottom of the screen. It’s not bad enough we have to deal with them online. I thought the police station was on fire, since flames were suddenly in the corner.

Tracy tells Sabrrrina that the baby is a new beginning and she needs to let go of Carrrlos. When Tracy leaves, Sabrrrina flashes back to when Carrrlos stayed with her. Oooh, they’re kissing and we never saw that before. I’m right. I just know it.

Patrick asks Elizabeth what’s up with her bugging Hayden. Elizabeth says she thinks Hayden is lying about her memory and she’s afraid “Jake “ will be taken away from her. Patrick astutely suggests that eventually someone will find out who “Jake” really is and it could even be “Jake.”

Since Hayden doesn’t even know what the blip she does, Nicholas hires her to…I don’t know what.

“Jake” gets pissed off all over again at Nicholas and wants to shake him down for answers.

Oooh! Anna is down at the docks (what did I say about those docks?) and she sees Carrrlos.

Why is Sabrrrina even interested in Michael? He comes back and says, is something wrong? She tells him she’s pregnant.

Now Sam and Spinelli are down at the docks. They admit to each other that “Jake” reminds them of Jason. Yeah, there’s a big reason for that. One of my problems is that he doesn’t remind me of Jason. I like him a million times better than I did Jason. Sam and Spinelli reminisce about Jason. Spinelli has a 5 o’clock shadow, but he still looks 14. Sam says she still “feels” Jason and Spinelli suggests he might still be out there somewhere. Yep.

We end with Hayden making a mystery phone call and saying she’s “in.” I assume she means in Nicholas’s company, and “Jake” shows up, telling Nicholas he knows about the DNA test. Which I hope doesn’t screw up Spinelli’s efforts.

Z Nation

Springfield, Illinois. We open with Operation Bite Mark kicking ass and not even taking names. The zombies are way too interested in Murphy’s baby, so he tosses her to Doc, who boards a bus. Unfortunately, it’s filled with zombies who are dressed like Abe Lincoln. (It’s a look-alike festival.) Doc thinks he’s having a flashback.  He manages to escape the bus and Operation Bite Mark turns into Operation John Wilkes Booth.

Murphy kootchy-koos his baby and makes a bad Lincoln joke. Roberta says she doesn’t know whether to be worried about the baby or afraid of it. I’m guessing, like the Starchild in V, she will be the one who brings everyone together. Or at least that will be the hope. Those things never work out in practice.

10K catches a mess of trout, and while Murphy is still obsessing over his little one, the others take the opportunity to discuss getting the baby away from him. Vasquez has disappeared again, and there’s concern about that too. He’s in the woods on his walkie-talkie. What is that guy up to? At first, I thought he might be contacting Citizen Z (who we haven’t seen enough of this season) for the greater good and all that, but now I think he’s up to no good. Roberta follows him

Murphy is letting baby Lucy nurse on a finger. Not his finger, a finger he found somewhere. Doc says she needs a once-over to see if she’s healthy, but Murphy isn’t having any. He says he’s going for a walk, and tells Cassandra to make sure the others don’t follow.

Vasquez meets up with some dudes in skull masks on motorcycles. Although since he shoots one of them and now they’re beating the crap out of him, I don’t think this is who he went to meet. Now Roberta has to decide if she’s going to step in or not.

Commercial break. Poor Subway sandwiches. Now when I see them, I think about Jared, but not in a good way. Well, Tylenol recovered, maybe they can too.

The skull guys are about to execute Vasquez, but Roberta gets some shots in, Vasquez grabs a gun, and they’re able to escape, leaving the remaining skulls to be eaten by zombies. Both Vasquez and Roberta have been shot, and they find an abandoned hospital where all kinds of bodies are suddenly coming to life. They get things under control. But Vasquez isn’t looking too good. They go in search of “sutures, bandages and antibacterial anything.”

Murphy can’t catch a break because of all the zombies following the baby. The others think they should find him because they’re concerned for both his and the baby’s safety. They make a plan to allow one of them to get caught by Cassandra while the others search for Murphy.  They all run in different directions. Cassandra jumps Addy and twists her arm, making Addy scream, and making the others return.

“Of all the horrible things I’ve had to do in the apocalypse, this is probably the horriblest,” says Murphy while changing Lucy’s diaper, giving us the quote of the night.

Vasquez and Roberta try to sneak past a zombie that has no eyes, but when Roberta opens the door, the zombie hears it. Dammit! There was a commercial, I went to get some seltzer, and missed what happened with that zombie. The one time in the history of the world when there was only one commercial during the break. Vasquez is stitching up Roberta. He says she’s “being a man about it,” and she smacks him, telling him it’s a scientific fact that women can take more pain than men. Truth!

OBM seems to think that Murphy might harm Lucy, although that’s highly doubtful since he’s changing her diaper. 10K tells Doc and Addy to get ready to run. Addy wants to know why, but Doc says when someone tells him that, he just gets ready. 10K tries to reason with Cassandra, telling her she hurt Addy and blah-blah-blah, while the other two take off. 10K blocks Cassandra from running after them, and it looks like they’re going to duke it out or at least chest bump one another.

Roberta is now stitching up Vasquez. I’d be stealing myself for pain if I was him. He tells her that he was once a DEA agent. A guy tried to bribe him, he said no, and his family was kidnapped and shot in front of him. His wife was the first person he saw turned. Apparently, the group Vasquez met up with were involved with this.

Murphy finds a house where he intends to hide with Lucy. A guy comes out with a rifle, and before Murphy can say, “Excuse me, can we,” the guy shoots. No! We can’t lose Murphy!

Thank goodness. After the commercial break, it turns out the guy was shooting at the zombies behind Murphy. I guess this guy didn’t notice one of these things is not like the others. Okay, he does notice and asks Murphy why he’s “so blue.” Murphy tells him he has a vitamin deficiency. Murphy tells him he was in a group that he thought wanted to take the baby because her crying attracted zombies. It sounds like he’s going to ask them to take Lucy. Aren’t they going to notice she’s not normal???  She’s a weird color and has wonky eyes. Uh-oh, she has little pointy teeth too. The wife throws the baby back like a football. Not really, but I would have. They tell Murphy to get lost and take the baby with him

Oh man, Vasquez has died and Roberta has to give him mercy. Wait! He wasn’t dead. Geez, good thing she wasn’t any quicker with the mercy.

10K has taken a nasty blow from Cassandra, and she’s beating the ever-lovin hell out of him. They wrestle for a while, and she’s about to squash his head like a grape – like that guy in Game of Thrones – and he kills her. We can tell he isn’t happy about it, but it looked like she was going to kill him and we need more people than zombies. Or half-zombies.

Commercial break. Rock the Casbah looks awesome! I love Bill Murray! I wish he’d crash one of my parties, or at least photobomb me.

Vasquez and Roberta make it back to Doc, Addy and 10K. Addy is a little pissed that 10K killed Cassandra, but 10K says he did what he had to. He doesn’t want to feel better about it though. Murphy returns and Roberta stops him from going after 10K. Murphy says they don’t have to worry about the baby anymore and we think he killed Lucy, but she’s with the couple who Murphy has now made into half-zombies like him.

Cool.

Oct15

October 14, 2015 — Port Charles, LA Ladies & Mansions

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Paul has plans to dismantle the Corinthos organization. Good luck. I’ve wanted it dismantled for at least 10 years, but no one listens to me. Plans have been set in motion, he says. Who talks like this? Paul tells Ava that there will be some “business associates” calling her and she says to find someone else. Ava wants to wait until she has full custody of Avery before she concentrates on mob business. Paul is extremely understanding and agreeable, which is surprising. He tells her that Carly and Sonny are getting married and it will be a tough fight. Since Paul is also the DA, can’t he pull some strings?

Everyone is getting Carly ready for the wedding. One of the kids says she has a lot of hair products and doesn’t travel light. I’ll bet. She’s got so much going on with her hair-do. Highlights, lowlights, a cut that needs maintenance, and probably extensions.

Lovey dovey stuff with Dante and Lulu. Valerie tells Nathan he has a big mouth and I agree. There is no hope of keeping anything a secret in this town.

Maxie tells Dillon he needs to confront his issues. No kidding. They’re down at the docks and see a body in the water. Carrrlos, perhaps? Jordan is pumping Anna for more Carrrlos info. They might have all they need in a minute. Jordan is actually believing that Carrrlos might have shot Sonny. This ought to be good.

Yep, it’s Carrrlos floating in the river. Except I thought his wallet was in the safe deposit box. Why is it now on his dead body? Did Paul somehow dredge the body up and plant it there? That seems crazy even for this show. It’s more believable that they forgot some continuity.

Sonny and Carly exchange vows that they apparently wrote themselves. Zzzzzz….  Wait. What? Her name is really Caroline? I’m sure someone is enjoying all this, but it’s not me. Her dress is beautiful though. Just before they’re pronounced man and wife, Dante’s phone rings. You mean to tell me he couldn’t put that thing on vibrate? Dante doesn’t know how to use his phone, but manages to shut it off. Reprieve.

Maxie and Dillon go to the station to give statements. Maxie says her brain is in a fog (when isn’t It?) and Valerie tells her to take a break. Maxie wonders why Valerie is being so nice because she was in a “scratchy” mood the day before. What kind of mood is that? Does she mean sketchy? Maxie brings up the pregnancy test to Valerie and she tells Maxie that it wasn’t hers and to mind her own business.

Paul goes down to the docks to pretend to investigate. Paul suggests Carrrlos was killed because Sonny wanted revenge, but aren’t they going to be able to tell how long he’s been dead, which is like 6 months?

After they finish the ceremony, Dante miraculously turns his phone back on and finds out about Carrrlos. This whole thing pisses me off because I liked Carrrlos and I wanted him to redeem himself and end up with Sabrrrina. Now that there’s a body, that will never happen. Well ,actually, who knows? Sabrrrina, who has an absolutely gorgeous dress on, is totally freaked out. Oooh, maybe that baby is Carrrlos’s, and there was more going on at her place when he was staying there than we know. Morgan gets paranoid (no surprise) and thinks Carly is looking at him funny. Sonny doesn’t believe his idiot son is even capable of carrying out that kind of thing, and thinks Ava must be involved.

Anna shows up at Ava’s gallery. Anna accuses Ava of covering up for whoever shot Sonny. Paul calls Anna and asks her to meet him at the docks. With the docks, it’s either feast or famine. Either nobody goes there for half a year, or everyone is congregating there.

Sonny makes a joke about honeymooning in Iowa because of the corn, and I’m wondering where the real Sonny is. Sonny and Carly make out in his hospital bed.

Sabrrina tells Michael that she’s known Carrrlos most of her life and she’s not buying that he shot Sonny.

Paul tells Anna that the body was Carrrlos. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Little Women LA

The ladies and their significant others are in Hawaii for Elena’s vow renewal. I honestly don’t get why the girls are so up-in-arms about Brianna having kept her marriage a secret for 5 minutes 4 months. It wasn’t like they were all supportive about the relationship. Perhaps if they hadn’t bombarded her with negativity on a constant basis, she might have done things differently.

The island is stunning and so is the hotel. It’s the first time Tonya has seen blue water and she’s really psyched. I’m so glad Terra’s husband, Joe, is on this trip because he cracks me up. When the girls are dancing around and Terra is shaking some booty, he says, “Let’s have some jelly with that roll!” My dad used to say that, along with, “It must be jelly, cuz jam don’t shake like that.”

These girls constantly come up with wild hairstyles, and Britney has some long cornrow/braids going on that have neon pink accents. I don’t think it’s something I could rock, but more power to her.

Christy wants to do a couple’s retreat thing (how long are they staying?) and wants to include Brianna and Matt, but they haven’t shown up yet. Joe suggests they all need couples therapy instead. Jasmine’s husband couldn’t make it, so she says that she and Britney will hang out when the couples do their thing. Jasmine also lets fly some information Matt told her about Todd, that he’d said he could “have Brianna any time he wanted.” (Has he looked in the mirror and then looked at Matt?)

Tonya has set up a surfing lesson for her, Terra and Britney, in the hopes that there’s just a miscommunication between the latter two and they can reconcile their differences. It doesn’t happen. Britney says she can’t focus because there’s a shark in the water – Terra – and Terra says her surf buzz is being harshed.

After the surfing lesson, Tonya, Terra and Britney are sitting on the beach. Tonya is desperate to chill, but she says, “all these heifers want to do is fight.” For whatever reason, Terra thinks Britney is going to cause a scene. Britney doesn’t get why and neither do I. She and Elana had a misunderstanding at the beginning of the season, but they got over it, so why can’t Terra? Especially since it had nothing to do with her.

Elena is panicking because there are still details to attend to and her dress isn’t fitting quite right. I don’t see it, but she’s the one wearing it. IMO, she could wear a potato sack and look fabulous. Brianna and Matt finally show up, and Elena tells them about the couple’s retreat Christy is setting up. Jasmine stops by Brianna and Matt’s room to give them a heads up about what they were discussing earlier. Matt didn’t think it was a big deal because Todd was drunk, but Brianna says Todd has made her uncomfortable a few times. We flash back, and yep, he did.

Now Britney has added a nose ring, but I’m not too crazy about the look. While the couples do their thing (I guess it’s a one day retreat), Britney tells Jasmine how Terra told her not to come to Hawaii. I love Terra, but that was not her call.

The place where the couples go for retreating is magnificent – lush greenery and flowers, a river running through it, and waterfalls. The couples are told to find a “sacred space” and put some kind of mud paint on each other. Already Christy is arguing with Todd about how he’s doing it. She feels he’s being thoughtless and aggressive. I think the argument is really about the comment to Matt. Todd says he’s no Picasso and she feels that he’s just not putting enough thought into it, or anything else where she’s concerned. Basically, she’s feeling unloved.

Christy can’t believe everyone else is having a good time and she and Todd are fighting. The “Big Kahuna” (the therapist) comes over. Christy says she knows when Todd is doing something with his heart in it or he’s just trying to get it over with, and that he says one thing, but does another. Todd says that a lot of things Christy wants to do, he physically can’t. Christy says that Todd is over 100 pounds overweight and isn’t addressing the issue. The Kahuna speaks softly to them and makes everything okay.

Ha-ha-ha! Joe’s hair! Terra did some kind of Mohawk thing with the mud/paint. The couples reconvene, and Christy walks away. Tonya follows her and Christy explains how disappointed she is in Todd’s physical limitations. Tonya is like, you knew he was overweight when you married him, and she’s right. Tonya thinks that some of this has to do with what Todd said to Matt. I said it first. After hemming and hawing for a while, Christy finally admits that it’s a factor. Told you.

Commercial break. I like pumpkin spice lattes too, but why does everything have to be pumpkin or pumpkin spice at this time of year? I saw a funny thing online that was a fake ad for pumpkin spice scented cat litter. I’ll bet a lot of people tried to buy it.

The others are hula-ing, and I have the feeling this joyous mood is going to be broken as soon as Christy comes back. She’s really pissed off that Brianna and Todd are pissing her off. Uh-oh, Christy says she has a question. Why didn’t Brianna tell anyone – meaning her – about getting married? Brianna answers honestly that she thought they didn’t care. Brianna is keeping her cool, but Christy goes apesh*t, calls them both a-holes, and says she’s done with the friendship. Geez, even if that’s the case, she could have conveyed it a little more diplomatically.

Ha-ha! Next week, Brianna will be telling everyone that Christy went apesh*t. Again, I said it first.

Million Dollar Listing: LA

JoshF’s car has been saran wrapped with JoshA’s logo everywhere. JoshA says that JoshF has had everything handed to him his entire life, including his clients, and he doesn’t like that JoshA is successful. Oh, I see. In JoshF’s individual interview, he says that JoshA isn’t from the area originally. That’s his beef with him.

JoshA’s brother encourages him to make time for a relationship. Last season, Josh and his girlfriend, Heather, had gotten engaged. By the end of the season, the wedding had been postponed, but they’re still living together.

These guys all drive amazing cars. It’s not so much the sportiness that I like, but the seats look unbelievably comfortable. JoshF is taking a couple of developers to look at “view property.” He says something about a billion dollars and my mind goes blank.

Frick and Frack David and James show us some awesome software that can be used to show overseas clients a walk through without having to be there. I love stuff like that. They’re still trying to unload that apartment with the ghastly view. They did have an almost offer, but the broker has to contact her buyer.

Tom Brady is the name of Heather and JoshA’s tiny Yorkie. This has nothing to do with the episode, but I love gratuitous shots of tiny dogs. And he’s in a tiny cone of shame. Josh and Heather are having a date night. He’s dreading it because he needs to discuss the relationship. She wants to have kids, and he had agreed the time was right, but now he’s afraid that he won’t be around enough because of his job. If he’s being honest, I can see his point. He doesn’t want to be the guy who just shows up every third ballgame for 15 minutes, while still working on his cell phone; he wants to be the team’s coach. She seems okay with this, so okay.

JoshF’s developers think the property is a million too expensive at $7.2 . At a subsequent lunch meeting, Josh encourages the developers to take the deal because in the long run, they’ll make a lot more than the extra million they’ll spend now. We have a deal! $518,750 is Josh’s commission. I missed my calling.

James and his wife, Valeria, are also having a night out, for their 5th anniversary. They’ve been together a total of 8 years, so James has gotten a retrospective of their time together, with photos and videos. David is babysitting, so the kids probably won’t know the difference.

I really don’t know what “chef’s kitchen” means, but it looks wonderful. OMG, another gratuitous shot of Brady in a little suit jacket.

Valeria is wearing a dress with one of those patterns that, from a distance, makes the dress look like it’s streaked with blood. Note to self: check all patterns from a distance before buying. James has rented a movie theatre and he’s showing her their home movies. Here comes David (the producers must have made him grow a beard just so we could tell them apart) and the kids bearing gifts. Awww! David skedaddles, and the kids present their mom with a dazzling diamond ring from dad.

James gets an offer for the dreadful view. It’s under asking and they want the trees replaced to the tune of 100k. He gets David and JoshF on the phone. Josh calls the seller, who says the trees aren’t his problem and gives a counter offer. There’s always one tense going back and forth deal in every episode. The broker talks to James like he’s five, but the deal is made. This is the property from when they went door knocking, so not bad.

Next week, it looks like Brian Wilson is a client. It isn’t clear whether he’s a buyer or seller.

Other shows that I find worth watching, but don’t necessarily write about:

American Horror Story: Hotel (Oh my Lady Gaga!), Intervention, Scream Queens, Hoarders or the interchangeable Hoarding: Buried Alive (I love them! I love marathons of them!), Survivor (I haven’t watched it for a while, but I’m back with Second Chance), every court show on the air.

Oct14

October 13, 2015 — GH, Temptation Tuesday, a Couch & a Charter

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Sonny says blah-blah-blah and lectures Michael and Morgan about how they’re disrespectful, and that Michael tried to take over the second Sonny was out of commission. While I agree they’re morons, I didn’t really see it that way.

Sabrrrina is pregnant and not too thrilled. I wouldn’t be either if it was Michael’s baby. And did she learn nothing from the last time? She’s nurse for goodness’ sake.

Franco and Nina go to spring Kiki out of jail. Since Nathan is Nina’s brother, she’s hoping to call in a favor, although I think it’s more for Franco than Kiki. Franco reminds Nina how he didn’t leave her on her own, even when she married Ric. Kiki comes out and says she doesn’t need their help. Right there I’d just say, okay, and leave her rot, since she turned obnoxious overnight.  Nathan says the charges have been bumped up to assault because the bottle cut the bartender, and Kiki isn’t going anywhere.

Ugh! Carly has those look-like-grey-hair highlights. Why does anyone think this looks good? Her lowlights look great, and really, that’s enough.

Michael acts like he knows all about the mob, and tells Sonny he was just trying to fill in, but Sonny says he’d better stay away from now on.

Olivia takes baby Leo to visit Dante, who helped her with the cover-up. Dante says he hopes the baby ends up looking like her and not Julian, because you know, Julian might become suspicious if he looks like Julian Jr. Julian and Alexis are out to lunch (ha-ha) and Julian says he would love to have another child. Alexis suggests they could adopt. Please, no. Later, Alexis tries to tell Olivia that Julian isn’t in the mob anymore, but Olivia isn’t believing it.

While Franco waits with Kiki for the lawyer, Nina tells Nathan about buying the apartment, and how she’s trying to be a normal person. This includes being nice, so she wants to help Kiki.

Kiki calls Franco a sad sack artist living off of his girlfriend, and he says he’s not sad. Only Roger Howarth can pull off these lines. He probably makes them up himself.

Morgan asks how Sonny is going to run “the business,” fight for Avery, and get better all at the same time. He’ll probably squeeze in another Bahamas vacation somewhere. Nobody looks that good – and tan – in the hospital. And after two major surgeries. I think he can probably handle all that. He asks what else, and they fill him in on what Ava said at the mob table.

I missed some stuff because I had to take a phone call.

Kiki is back at the apartment and goes to sleep off her hangover. Mushy stuff between Nina and Franco. She isn’t ready for things to progress yet, so they go to get something to eat, which is almost as good. I’m sure they’ll go to The Floating Rib, since it’s the only restaurant, other than the diner, that’s in Port Charles.

Felix tells Sabrrrina that she’d better tell Michael about the baby soon, because the longer she waits, the more it will look like she has something to hide. Before the phone rang, Felix was asking her if she’s sure the baby is Michael’s. What did she say???

Lucas, the gay doctor whose name I finally remembered, has been in and out (no pun intended) of various scenes, but whatever happened to his storyline? He used to be on a lot, and I loved the stuff with him, Brad and Felix, but then poof! they disappeared, and not even in a cloud of rainbow smoke.

We end with Carly taking Sonny to the chapel, where she thinks they’re going to interrupt someone else’s wedding, but really it’s going to be hers. Awww! Now what the blip is up with “Jake?”

If Loving You Is Wrong

Kelly visits Alex in the hospital. Alex brings up Travis, and Kelly says she doesn’t want to talk about it, then blabs for an hour about it. She’s working on a plan to reel him in using the theory that men want what they can’t have. Alex asks if she has any advice to get Randal to go away. Wow. Alex is thinking of moving out of town. That’s one way to get rid of him. She asks Kelly to talk to Randal, but Kelly says he wouldn’t listen.

Randal’s mother, Louise, is still inflicting her presence on his household. She accuses Marcie of being a drunk, and Marcie says that it’s because Randal made her that way. Louise says she told him he should have married someone named Ally, who had blonde hair and blue eyes. Not too much like Alex, and then she says Marcie must be on crystal meth. I she’s not aware of what someone using drugs looks like. Louise also says she’s counting the days until Randal leaves Marcie, and Marcie says she is too, along with counting the days until his mom drops dead. Apparently, Louise knows nothing about the affair, and Randal is trying to keep Marcie quiet. I’m surprised Marcie doesn’t just tell her anyway. Why is she protecting Randal when she so obviously hates him? Randal says he’ll take the couch since they’re sleeping in separate bedrooms. Marcie toddles off and Louise suggests Randal hide the knives.

Eddie gets the lowdown on Ben, who claims to have shot his own hand off, but had originally lied, saying that it happened while he was chasing a perp. The captain doesn’t want Eddie coming back to work, because he hasn’t gotten a doctor’s okay yet, after being shot in the big gang shootout. Eddie hassles Lushion under the guise of being “nice.” Lushion isn’t having any and tells him to go home. Lushion wants to investigate further into Ben’s shot up hand, but the boss tells him no. They’re covering up something. Lushion’s new partner, Pete, wants to try to get the tape of the shooting anyway, and Lushion tells him no, to stay out of it and stay away from Eddie.

Randal has a death wish, so he pops in on Brad in the shed. Brad asks why he didn’t at least have the decency to take Alex to a hotel. Randal is at least smart enough not to answer that question. He says he’s sorry, but I don’t think that’s going to make it better. Brad says Alex told him everything, and wants it confirmed by Randal. This guy wants details that nobody should hear. Brad says that with his military training, he could kill Randal just like that. He swore that after he came home from Iraq, he would never hurt anyone again, but he’s having second thoughts right now. He says he wants to drag both Randal and Alex into the shed and unleash all his fury. At least he’s honest. Randal looks just a wee bit concerned.

Eddie gives a surprise wake-up call to Ben in the hospital by whacking his injured non-hand. Ben says he changed his story because there was a video of the shooting and it sounded more believable. Eddie wants him to leave the hospital that evening and “pick up [his] drops.” I’m guessing Eddie has some drug dealing going on and Ben’s been helping him, and that’s how this all happened. And I know Eddie’s a d-bag, but does he really expect this guy to do a good job when he’s still lying in a hospital bed?

Randal, being the selfish idiot that he is, shows up in Alex’s hospital room. He tells her that he loves her and she rings for the nurse. He’s so freaking oblivious, that he just rambles on with a bunch of questions like “how you doin’?” He asks her not to shut him out and that he won’t make it without her. Good. Go away. The nurse shows up and shows him the door. Alex is concerned that if he got into her room, he’ll get in to see the baby, but the nurse assures her there’s no way. If this place is anything like General Hospital, he’s probably having tea in the ward right now. It’s already got security like GH.

Marcie sees Brad brooding outside the shed (a very popular place) and goes out to talk to him. They have a drink together, and Brad turns on the flattery. They had shared a kiss in his office after they found out about Randal and Alex, and he says he remembers it well. They commiserate a little. Brad tells her that Alex had said Randal was “bigger and better,” but she never said that, so he’s making stuff up. He had asked her if Randal was better in bed, but she’d only said, “Sometimes.” Marcie says she can’t afford to leave Randal, so she’ll just have to bite the bullet. Brad says he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. Marcie responds by getting into his lap, telling him it isn’t right, and making out with him. He carries her into the shed.

Oops! Momma Louise is looking out the window.

The People’s Couch

Funniest hour on TV! Not much to say about watching people watching TV, but to tell you to watch and enjoy. It’s like watching TV with your friends. If you’re friends were hysterically funny. It also gave the best quote of the night from Julie: Jeff Probst is really good at pretending he cares about the people on the show.

Below Deck

This is one of my favorites, I think because I would love to be a guest on this yacht. I love the water and I’m not even a water sign. Go figure.

The crew is off on their gratis resort trip, courtesy of the yacht owners. A whole 24 hours. Amy says she loves the perks, but I would want it to be just a little perkier.

Kate says the place looks like it’s from Swiss Family Robinson and she’s right. It’s quaint, and cute, and I want to be there right now.  Even for just 24 hours. Amy says she feels like she’s stuck in the middle sometimes, with Kate and Leon, and Kate and Rocky. Kate thought they were in a good place, so she’s kind of perplexed and hurt. I would be too, since both Leon and Rocky are lazy as hell, and Kate is Rocky’s boss.

They are drinking (I think) shots out of really weird little cups that look like they’re from Alice in Wonderland or maybe the 7 Dwarfs house. They make s’mores over the firepit. Dane is a drunken fool who won’t shut up about we don’t know what, because he’s incoherent.  Connie encourages Emile to hit on Rocky. I don’t know why since she’s made it very clear that she’s not interested. Dane continues to drink. Now he’s drinking out of a Mason jar.

Eddie tells him to slow his roll, but Dane gets belligerent. He starts the finger in the face stuff, and Eddie takes the bottle away. Oooh. Eddie calls Captain Lee. That’s really, really not good, especially since he’s going to have to wake the captain up. Dane is now stealing bottles from the bar, and I’m sure the captain can hear him yelling in the background. The captain wants him back on the boat. Now.

It’s 7 a.m. and Dane is on the phone, bitching to his girlfriend. Captain Lee calls him to the wheelhouse. Don’t embarrass yourself and don’t embarrass the boat are the captain’s two rules. Bad move breaking them both, Dane. He tells the captain he gets “weird vibes” from the crew. He promptly gets fired. He says he knew last night this would happen. When the crew hears of his departure, they applaud. What a disappointment that guy was.

Kate tries talking to Leon. Good luck having a civilized conversation with this guy. He was such a total a-hole last week and here he goes again. The point is not that they need to be best friends (or make friendship bracelets, as Kate says), she just wants some common courtesy. I don’t think Leon knows what that is. I understand chef’s can be moody, but he’s no Gordon Ramsey. And Gordon wouldn’t even behave this way.

Dan and Damon are the primary guests. They own some apparel company worth 200 million. They’re into “healthy foods,” and the captain doesn’t want any problems like with the last charter when Leon didn’t have the stuff he needed on board.  Of course Leon acts like a snot rag about it.

Whoa. It looks like Eddie and Rocky are texting and are going to meet in the laundry room. What?!

The girls go nuts over Dan, who I have to admit, is pretty good looking. The guests were really specific about protein shakes for breakfast and already Leon is going humana-humana. The guests go snorkeling and it looks awesome and I’m jealous. Eddie says even though they’re short-handed, it’s better without Dane.

The guests aren’t liking the scallops too much and I’m thrilled. They ask if they can get some chicken quesadillas . Eddie is in a fantastic mood. Did he and Rocky do it? OMG – Primary guest Dreamy Dan is asking for the chef. He says he thinks the scallops made him sick. At least Leon put a jacket on this time. Leon counters by saying they’ll have more seafood tomorrow, and Dan says if he even sees a prawn anywhere on the boat, he’s going to clean up the floor with Leon. Not quite, but he said he’d better not see one on his plate.

Oddly enough, this is followed by a commercial about some shrimp promotion at Red Lobster. Which is probably where Leon should work.

Amy tries to talk to Leon about taking pride in his work. Leon says he could blow the guests away with his cooking if he wanted to. Yeah, that’s the point. He doesn’t want to.

The guests have requested a romantic dinner, and even I think it’s not that special. Dan wants to talk to Leon again. I love this! Wait, I don’t love it. The guests thought the food was great and it made up for last night. Dammit!

Oooh, Eddie says he hooked up with Rocky, but what that means, I’m not sure. The term is used for everything from getting together with someone to getting busy with someone. Rocky does her mermaid act – Eddie pretends to hook a fish and she comes out of the water, much to the amusement of the guests.

At departure time, Dan hands Captain Lee a humongous wad of cash. Before he distributes the tip, the captain gives the crew a mini lecture where he says he doesn’t like the growing animosity that’s lying just below the surface with some of the crew. And he demands cooperation. The bottom line is a 15 grand tip though. The captain doesn’t mind if they have a couple of beers on their night off, but he doesn’t want them leaving the ship.

The girls find a set of hair extensions left behind by one of the guests and have a grand time with them. No surprise they’re going to have a bubble bath and it turns into bubbles from an I Love Lucy episode. This happened to me too, when I put bubble bath in a whirlpool tub once.

We end with Eddie and Rocky doing what? behind closed doors.