Author Archives: theresakp

Oct13

October 12, 2015 — From PC to the OC to the UK

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Dillon lays a kiss on Lulu, but she’s not having it. Nicholas lays a kiss on Hayden and she’s totally having it, and more, but just as they’re getting into it, she says she remembers something. Unless she’s remembering how good he is in bed, this might not go well.  Love Hayden’s highlights! So much better than the way too light ones she had as Greenlee on AMC that made her look like she had grey hair.

Sam and “Jake” are still teetering outside the window, but they’ve moved to a balcony. Hayden thinks Nicholas might have been threatening her in the memory that’s coming through. Nicholas says that yes, he was upset with her at some point and was going to throw her off the island (Island location confirmed! Now just tell me how they get there so fast.), but they “got past it” as they always did. Apparently getting past it means getting busy, which they’re just about to do, when the two stooges outside make some noise.

Dillon says he’s trying to protect Lulu from what Dante did with Valerie, but stops short of telling her everything. Speaking of which, how many people know about that? It seems like wherever Valerie goes, she’s discussing it with someone. Now she’s talking to Jordan about it.

Morgan is playing pool at The Floating Rib (which seems to be getting a lot of play these days), when Ava drops by. As usual, he’s acting like a jerk. Ava wants Avery to know her siblings and asks Morgan to put a lid on his animosity.

Nina wants to redecorate and Kiki gets weird about that, saying Nina is erasing all the memories of Silas. Maybe she shouldn’t live with them or keep her opinions to herself. Who wants to move into a dead guy’s place and not redecorate? This isn’t The Tenant. Kiki is also acting like a jerk, but she’s a lot more amusing. She wants to move out and take all of Silas’s stuff with her. I think that’s a great idea and so does Nina, but Franco doesn’t agree with us.

Lulu thinks Dillon is just making stuff up and gets really p.o.’d. She says she’s happy and he needs to back off.

Jordan has a talk with Dante. She points out that Dante is Valerie’s superior, which I hadn’t thought of before. If Valerie wanted to, she could create a problem for him at work. Valerie breaks into the conference and says after what happened with the pregnancy test, she’s sure there’s nothing between them anymore. Yeah, right.

Lulu tells Dante that Dillon kissed her. Valerie shows up at Dillon’s studio or wherever it is they’re filming, and wants a buddy to talk to, but when she doesn’t want a drink, Dillon thinks she is pregnant. Because that’s the only reason a woman wouldn’t want a drink.

Ava asks Morgan for help with Kiki. She sees that Kiki’s hate is eating her alive and she’s only harming herself. Ava thinks that maybe Morgan can get through to her. Why?

Nina tells Franco that she’s only been with one man, Silas. When he asks about Ric, she says she never even kissed him.

Sam thinks she has a sprained ankle, so “Jake” carries her down the castle wall like King Kong. Not really, but that would have been cool. He carries her inside and at this point, I have no idea what their proximity is to Nicholas and Hayden. Nicholas checks out on the balcony and says “Goliath,” Spencer’s favorite gargoyle, has fallen. Hayden suggests the prince’s castle is crumbling around him. Good job, “Jake” and Sam.

Commerical break. Why does the Little People Musical Dancing Palace only have one prince to three princesses?

Dante gets steamed about the Dillon/Lulu kiss, even though she says she didn’t really participate. I think he’s more concerned about what Dillon might have said about him and Valerie. Lulu says she told Dillon that the “just one kiss” was no big deal and she shouldn’t have gone so crazy over it. This just gets worse every second and I love it.

Kiki shows up at the bar, half tells off Morgan and Ava, and starts to get her drink on. She ends up throwing a drink in Ava’s face and the bartender cuts her off. She reaches over the bar for the vodka bottle and after a quick wrestle with the bartender, it drops and breaks. Kiki looks horrified at herself. The cops show up and arrest her. She’s doing pretty well playing a drunk, but once again the director went to the bathroom during the scene. No one tosses back a large vodka shot like it’s really water, even if it is.

Franco and Nina are about to put another man on her list when the phone rings. It’s Kiki’s phone, but it’s Morgan calling to tell Franco what’s happened.

Valerie ends up having a drink (thank you for making it look like a drink) with Dillon and they toast to their friendship and the people who they love who will never love them back. Even though Valerie feels nothing for Dante.

Hayden and Nicholas’s romantic moment has been interrupted by the gargoyle fall, and she says they’ve been moving too fast. She wants to recover mentally before they rekindle their relationship. She makes a few faces when she’s alone in the hallway that make me wonder if she remembers more than she’s saying.

“Jake” and Sam leave the room they’re in without even checking around. Maybe these two need new professions.

The Real Housewives of the OC

The show hasn’t even started yet, and Meghan is whining about husband Jim only being in the OC 50% of the time. She knew that when she married him. Did she forget? I wouldn’t be surprised. She says it’s a lot harder than she thought it would be and she doesn’t like it. Wah-wah.

Tamra is getting baptized. Good thing God accepts us as we are. Heather says she thinks Tamra is ready for a fresh start. Me too, but I don’t see much evidence of it. Tamra is talking about change and how everyone is going to see a new side of her. I’ll believe this when I see her walking the walk; talk is cheap. Cool. The mini choir is singing a song I know about the blood of Jesus (I sang in a Christian band for a couple of years) and they’re totally rocking it. Tamra says she found the Lord when she was going through her difficulties with her ex (who was a controlling creep), and now her mess is her message. I hope Tamra’s serious about this. After she gets dunked, the choir sings “Amazing Grace,” and everyone is all happy. This won’t last long.

I hate it with a passion when  someone changes what I’ve said to suit themselves. As much as I love Shannon, I think she has a listening problem. She’s afraid to see Vicki because she doesn’t want Vicki to call her “disgusting” again. Except Vicki never said that. She said Shannon’s remarks were disgusting. That’s two different things. Heaving huge sigh.

Commerical break. This is really weird. It’s an ad for the new Bradley Cooper movie, Burnt (which looks excellent), and they’re interspersing it with clips from the OC Wives. Why? Are they in it? Worst. Co-branding. Ever.

The food looks amazing! Geez, at my baptism, we just had cookies and coffee. Ha-ha! There’s a devil’s food and angel food cake. Vicki is avoiding the other women because she wants the day to be about Tamra and not have conflict. How long do you think this could possibly last? Some of the Wives from past seasons are there too. I agree with Vicki that she’s been more than a good friend to Shannon, and Shannon hasn’t exactly returned the favor.

These women just can’t seem to stop themselves from blabbing about Brooks. The latest story is that he claimed to call Heather’s husband, Terry, after his first chemo treatment, and Terry called a colleague to go help him. Terry says not so. Heather wonders how they could lie about something “so traceable,” and I do too. That’s the part I never get. You’d think if Brooks is a con man, he’d be better at it.

Commerical break. More coolness. Tootie from The Facts of Life is going to be on the next season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Move over, Nene. Oh, that’s right, you’re not there anymore. Are you doing anything now?

Vicki’s brother, Billy, is discussing Brooks with the women sans Vicki. Vicki claims she has another party to go to and wants to leave. Of course Heather is trying to stop her and brings up the Terry story. Vicki tells her she doesn’t have a clue about it. Shannon is going on and on about how Vicki asked her for help, but then didn’t take it. Shannon doesn’t seem to get it. When a friend tells you to stop talking about something, you should stop talking about it. I have a friend who is very sweet, but has the emotional level of a 10-year-old. When you ask him not to bring something up, it’s all he can talk about, and it reminds me of this bunch. Oooh, snap! Billy’s girlfriend, Ronda, says something about how Vicki didn’t ask Shannon for records about her husband cheating. Shannon claims Vicki must have put her up to it. Highly doubtful. She’s just defending her boyfriend’s sister.

Shannon goes apesh*t on Vicki. Maybe Ronda shouldn’t have said anything, but I don’t think it’s out of line for Vicki to have told her brother and Ronda, especially since by then, everyone else knew. Vicki says Shannon was pushing and pushing, and got what she deserved. Poor Vicki just wants to get out of there, but Tamra and the pastor hunt her down like a dog and want her to talk it out with Shannon. Everyone seems to have forgotten too, that Vicki’s mother recently passed away and she’s still depressed about it. IMO, these aren’t friends. Shannon confronts Vicki, and Vicki reminds her about the first season, when Shannon was somewhat ostracized and Vicki stuck by her.

Heather just said you can’t talk about someone’s business without their permission; it’s not cool. Um….

Tamra follows Vicki to the limo and tells her about Meghan calling the imaging place about the PET scan and they claimed not to do those there. It’s funny how these women claim they don’t want drama, yet they’re the ones who bring it on all the time. Funny too, how Heather says Shannon’s accident with the colonic wouldn’t happen to her. Maybe not, but she is the one who bled all over the place at Tamra’s last party because she had leeches duct taped to her stomach. At that point, she lost about 50% of her credibility with me.

This was the finale, so they had the little blurbs at the end about what everyone is doing now. Brooks and Vicki broke up (again), but I already knew that. Meghan went on and on about living by the truth and I gagged. Shannon lost 15 pounds and Brooks wants to see the records, which is pretty funny. The rest was just mundane stuff, but Heather, who was last, talked about how they really love Vicki and all this forgive and move on stuff. Here’s how I’ve felt about this season. I don’t know if Brooks is lying, although I can think of legitimate reasons for everything they’ve questioned. I took a look at the imaging place online too, and it says they do PET scans. (I’m not the only one who did this either, so at least I don’t feel alone in my ridiculousness.) If they really did tell Meghan (we never see any “records” of the snooping she’s done either) that they’d send you to the hospital, it’s possible they do the imaging, but use the hospital’s facility. But I don’t think whether he’s lying or not really matters. What matters is that, for caring friends, they didn’t handle this well. Maybe none of them have lost a parent they were close to, but I have and I know what Vicki is going through. I highly doubt she’d participate in a lie, and if she’s just being delusional, maybe she needs that right now, so leave her the blip alone. They should have been supportive and understanding and just stopped talking about it. Instead, they were relentless in their quest to prove Brooks a liar and overwhelmed her even more than she was already.

The reunion ought to be a good one.

Ladies of London

Marissa is meeting Annabelle. She’s brought some hats with her restaurant logo and wants Annabelle’s advice. I just don’t like Marissa. Something about her doesn’t sit well with me. She seems kind of phony. Like how she just went on about how their friendship is “organic,” and in the next breath, gushes about how Annabelle is a super famous fashion model. I wouldn’t know. I get the feeling she’s a sycophant.

Caroline #1’s business is not doing well. She’s got a balloon payment coming up on her store loan, due on the 31st, less than a month away. It sounds like she might have to fire people, which, unless you’re a really nasty human being, nobody wants to do. For all her stoicism and sarcasm, I think she’s a softy underneath in a lot of ways. She also has friends coming in from America. A famous gay football player, but I didn’t catch his name (Michael something or other) and I know nothing about football, only vaguely remembering when he came out. His partner and kids are with him. The last thing Caroline #1 wants to do is entertain, but it’s their first time in the UK and she feels obligated.

Annabelle is writing her fourth children’s book. Each one is about a different characteristic – Angry Me, Messy Me, and Dreamy Me. They look very cute and beneficial to kids.

Julie is going to her husband’s cousin’s estate because she wants to learn how to run her husband’s family home, Mapperton. He’s the Earl of Sandwich (I’m not kidding) and like billionth in line for the throne. The upkeep for an estate is very expensive, and some people have tours or rent the place out for weddings and such to get capital.

Caroline #1 takes her guests on a field trip – a bus tour of London. The bus looks like a ship. That’s different.  Oh wow! It really goes on the water. I’ve never seen anything like it. I want one.

The Baroness (Caroline #2) meets with Julie and Annabelle for lunch, where they discuss Juliet. The Baroness wants to help Juliet connect with her feelings or something, and Julie says good luck with that. The Baroness invites Juliet over to cook dinner together. It turns out she’s written a few cookbooks. Juliet gets the Baroness’s point that if she talked less and reacted less, people would have less to talk about.

The ladies are going bowling. Juliet says the Midwest and bowling go hand in hand. I dunno. I was never very good at bowling and thought it was kind of boring. I think my high score was a 68. Juliet has gotten them all bowling shirts – I do love a bowling shirt – with their nicknames on them. She also passes out wigs, but I don’t know what’s up with that. Joan Collins Sophie thinks bowling is fun. I feel out of this loop. Okay, they bring out the champagne and that I’m down with.

Uh-oh, Marissa makes a stupid remark about “lock up your children” in regard to the Baroness, who is dating a 30-year-old. Marissa also says he’s a bit of a d-bag in her individual interview. Oh man, she said the Baroness likes little boys. Is she drunk? Caroline #1 says that it’s really uncool to cross the Baroness. Good. Because I like the Baroness and I don’t like Marissa.

Julie and Juliet make up. Caroline #1 says Juliet is like an annoying sister and Julie says that there’s something weird about her that she likes. I like her too. She’s emotional, but fun.

Looks like there will be a sit down with Marissa and the Baroness next week.

Oct12

October 11, 2015 — Once Upon the Dead in New Jersey

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon A Time

The dwarfs, who are really just short guys with names like Leroy, are whistling while they work and Dark Emma steals one of their pickaxes. They report it at the police department where Prince Charming, otherwise known as David, works as sheriff.  King Arthur arrives next. Apparently his magic beans have gone missing.

Dark Emma tries to remove Excalibur from the stone by hitting it with the ax, which sounds more ridiculous than the previous paragraph. Of course it doesn’t work and Rumpelstiltskin has to explain things to her all over again.

Back in Camelot, Regina is working on some magic to release Merlin, the Wicked Witch of the West is working on being an annoyance, and Prince Charming is checking out the round table. Contrary to the original Camelot story, King Arthur got back together with Guinevere after the Lancelot scandal. David tells him that he and Snow had met Lancelot, but alas, Lance is dead. A page delivers a chest with “the eternal flame” in it, but in Storybrook, the chest has been pilfered. Captain Hook and Robin Hood are chatting in the diner. When Hook’s takeout order comes, there’s a note from Dark Emma attached to it, asking him to meet her on his ship.

Magic comes in handy, as Dark Emma sets the table for lunch in under a second. She also makes herself appear like Good Emma, so Hook is more comfortable. She tells him he can trust her, which really means he’d better keep his mouth shut about everything.

The prince and the king go to Rumpel’s pawn shop where Belle is behind the desk. Rumpel is ill and she needs one more thing for a healing spell. The prince buys a chalice left over from Doc’s birthday party and passes it off as the Chalice of Something-or-Other to the Camelot people who are stuck in Storybrook. He tells them if they drink from it, it will reveal the thief. A guy In a Red Riding Hood cape takes off like a rocket. In the real Camelot, it makes me think of Monty Python again when the prince and king have a sword fight with a couple of phantom knights.

Dark Emma says “trust me” to Hook again, so you know now he definitely shouldn’t trust her. She claims she’s a better Emma now and wants to move forward with their relationship. Hook isn’t having any, and wants to know what it is she’s really after. Dark Emma disappears, poof! in a puff of dark smoke.

David and Arthur catch up to the thief, who claims there were no magic beans in the chest. They do find a magic mushroom (no, not that kind) that Regina thinks can help Merlin. In the real Camelot, David is knighted by Arthur and given Lancelot’s old chair. It has something hanging off of it that looks like this thing we had to wear over our robes at my high school graduation. Whoops! Lancelot isn’t dead after all and approaches Snow on the castle porch. He tells her there’s a villain in town, and Snow thinks he’s talking about Dark Emma, but he tells her it’s Arthur.

Commercial break. Why does there have to be so much good TV? Blood & Oil looks great, but it’s on during The Walking Dead time slot.

Guinevere, dazzling in an incredible dress and jewelry, ponders the magic mushroom with Arthur. In Storybrook, the thief is in jail, but it turns out he was working for Arthur and there were never any magic beans. Arthur made It up to get his people stuck in Storybrook, to trust him. Although I don’t know how that was supposed to work. He gives the thief some poison to drink because he’s afraid the non-magic beans will be spilled. He says it’s for the greater good, the thief drinks it, and poof! he disappears in a puff of green smoke.

Storybrook Rumpel has vanished and is with Fantasyland Rumple and Dark Emma. She tells him he’s not dark or light; he’s nothing. Ouch! Because his heart is a “blank slate,” she says he’ll be useful and she has a job for him. I don’t suppose it’s pulling out Excalibur either.

The Walking Dead

While I’m glad to see this show back again, it’s really good of them to make it an hour and a half tonight, so that it messes up my schedule.

When we last left Rick and company, they were in Alexandria and Rick was going bonkers after questionably shooting one of the residents. Outside of the town, a zombie horde is growing in a canyon. Some of the zombies are looking mighty raggedy since they’ve been wandering around for six seasons now.

Daryl!

Morgan admits he was an idiot and that Rick was right. Rick, Daryl and Morgan make a plan to take care of the zombie horde. Apparently, in order to confuse me, half of this episode is in flashbacks and also in black and white. I thought there was something wrong with my TV.

Of all people, Eugene is guarding the gate at Alexandria. Oh, okay, he’s doing it while the real guard is taking a pee or something. A guy named Heath shows up with a group of people and says they live in Alexandria, but they’ve been away on a run. Morgan and Rick are burying the guy Rick shot last season in the woods when they get a load of the zombie horde from the top of a cliff. It’s a seriously freaking huge amount of zombies. Ron (the son of the guy they’re burying) followed them and is being chased by some zombies. Just as he’s about to run off the cliff, Rick shoves him aside and in an uncharacteristically funny moment, the zombies who were chasing him keep going and fall off the cliff. Rick tells Morgan that the reason Alexandria doesn’t have too many zombies showing up is because they’re all in this canyon.

Glenn (who looks like he had a nose job) and Heath go with another guy to a tractor supply place where there are a bunch of zombies inside

Commercial break. OMG, it’s Obrecht from GH in an ad for…I don’t know what. Dammit! The one commercial I want to see again and they’ll probably never rerun it. This was followed by the best anti-smoking commercial yet, focused on the monetary expense. I guess Better Call Saul got renewed too. I kind of lost track of it after the first few episodes, but it was a lot better, and funnier, than I expected it to be.

There’s a big meeting about how they’re going to deal with the zombies. I guess Rick is in charge now because Deanna keeps saying he’s right about everything. Father Gabriel offers to help and Rick be like, no way, padre. That gets my vote too. That guy cannot be trusted. I don’t trust Carter either, who questions everything Rick says.

Daryl leads the horde to where there’s a makeshift wall made out of metal. Maybe they won’t have to do anything since the zombies are banging their own heads against it and stepping all over each other. Kind of like Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I guess the black and white thing is to differentiate between the flashbacks and what’s happening now. I would have titled this episode “We’re Not in Kansas Anymore,” but it’s titled “First Time Again.”

Glenn, Heath and Other Guy kill all the zombies at the tractor place. Abraham, in a car with Sasha, notices some walkers who are off track and jumps out to point them in the right direction. He’s covered with blood when he gets back in the car, talking about the possibility of brains getting in his ear, and I’m wondering if he’s going to be the “surprise” guest on The Talking Dead.

Rick tells Deanna that they need to train and arm everyone inside Alexandria. I think they’d better train someone in the art of bullet making before they run out. It’s not like they can drive over to Walmart.

Carter is making plans to get rid of Rick, and Eugene overhears him. Carter is thisclose to shooting Eugene, but Rick comes in just in time. He spares Carter after giving him a mini lecture. Rick tells Morgan he wanted to kill Carter, but figures Carter is stupid enough to get killed on his own.

And he’s right! Carter gets bit in the face when he veers from the zombie horde plan. Now I figure he’s the surprise guest. Rick also gets his wish, and breaks Carter’s neck. Shouldn’t somebody shoot him in the head?

Commercial break. They showed another installment of the Obrecht ad. It’s a web series companion to Fear the Walking Dead called Flight 462. I’ll have to check that out. Jurassic World is also coming out on blue ray. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it. Just make sure to forget anything you know about real dinosaurs or science while you’re watching it.

WTF? Something that sounds like a fog horn is going off and the zombies are changing course. Carter is dead, so what idiot is doing this? Gabriel? It wouldn’t be the first time someone named Gabriel blew a horn. Ha-ha! Great. Ten billion zombies are now headed to Alexandria.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

This episode revolves around the Guidice family and how they’re coping with Teresa in prison. Joe’s father has passed away and Gia, who is turning out to be a beautiful young lady, has a big dance coming up. The latter might not seem like a huge deal, but it’s one of those times where she’s going to miss her mom.

Teresa gets 300 minutes a month for phone calls, but can send unlimited emails. The inmates don’t have access to the internet, so I’m guessing it must go into a “waiting to be sent” file until it can be approved.

During one of Teresa’s phone calls home, her parents are there as well. I wonder how hard it is for them not to wring Joe’s neck. It’s tough for Gia to talk to her mom without crying and this upsets her grandfather greatly. The whole thing is really sad. I know Joe and Teresa aren’t the brightest or nicest bulbs in the box, and they did commit a crime (although I roll my eyes at the level of it), but I honestly think the judge wanted to make an example out of them because they’re C-list celebrities. That rubs me the wrong way. After spending so many years with them too, I feel the same way I’d feel about annoying cousins that you have to invite to Thanksgiving. You love them, but at a distance.

The youngest daughter was told that Teresa is working, which Gia says isn’t totally a lie because she’s keeping a diary that she’ll turn into a book later. I’ll definitely want to read that. What’s really funny is that Teresa is still running the show at home by giving everyone instructions. I hope she realizes that, although she doesn’t get any preferential treatment, the prison in Danbury isn’t considered all that bad. I have a friend who’s been in federal prison in New Jersey, and it’s a nasty place to be.

Joe says something about how it’s part of a father’s job to embarrass their teenage daughter and that reminds me of my father. Don’t get me wrong, he was the greatest man on the planet, but if I let him know something was embarrassing, he’d work harder at it.

Gia looks absolutely gorgeous and has almost ruined her makeup ten times because she wants to cry.

Joe and his brother visit their father’s grave site and it makes me want to cry. Despite Joe being an idiot, I know what he’s feeling.

Rosie comes over! I love Rosie. They joke about Joe getting a boyfriend in prison, but that’s not really very funny. He’s only allowed to visit Teresa every other weekend because he’s a felon. She’ll be getting out before Christmas and in March it’s his turn. Joe and Rosie laugh a lot, and I have to hand it to Joe for being able to laugh at all.

Next it’s Gia’s graduation from 8th grade and a family party afterward. In her individual interview, Melissa talks about the stupid fights they’ve all had and how this has brought them all closer together as a family. Joe Gorga says pretty much the same thing, but also that it’s humbled Joe Guidice. I think so too.

Aww, Joe sleeps on the couch because he doesn’t want to be in the bed without her.

In the preview for next week, the subject of Joe’s possible deportation comes up. I hope that doesn’t happen. It just wouldn’t be right. It’s not like he’s a serial killer and his children are American citizens. It would be awful for them to either lose their father or be forced to leave their mother country.

Oct10

October 9, 2015 – Double the GH, Barely a Hop & a Zombie Baby

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital — Thursday

Did Julian literally lose his shirt? He never seems to wear one anymore.

Sabrrrina tells Felix she’s been too busy to take the pregnancy test she bought. Yes, too busy to pee, she says. Welcome to the world of most women. Maybe they’re doing it differently now, but I also could have sworn you’re supposed to do that test first thing in the morning. And nobody’s that busy.

Suddenly Dante wants another baby. Because that’s a good way to save your marriage in advance. It’s only a matter of time before the wrong person sees the video of Valerie telling Dillon that she slept with Dante. It’s probably any minute now, since Dillon told the PA to do what he wants with the footage. And how can I even take Dillon seriously as a director when he’s not being a control freak? Not only that, Dillon is starting to feel guilty about having the knowledge that Dante is a cheat.

Nathan shows up at the movie set and acts like a bit of a jerk, telling Dillon he’s there to investigate the conditions on the set when he’s really there to investigate what Maxie is doing.

Paul and Tracy have a discussion about Michael, ELQ and the mob. Are these two getting back together again? NuPaul has grown on me quickly, and I’d like to see Tracy have some fun. It won’t be much fun when she finds out his game, but in the meantime, why not? Tracy leaves and Michael arrives.

Alexis asks Julian to move in with her. Aren’t these two a little old to be playing house? Isn’t he ever going to have his own place? The ten years I lived alone was the best ten years of my life.

Ha-ha! Maxie tells Dillon that Nathan was just being ridiculous over their sex scene and he even believes pro-wrestling is real. Maxie has to cry during a scene and is clueless about method acting, but doesn’t want to fake it with glycerin. Lulu walks in with groceries while they’re filming. Are they filming in her living toom? What the what? She says she wanted to provide a craft services table for them, and Dillon goes ballistic under the guise of her interrupting the scene.

Olivia is back and wants to come clean about baby Leo. Dante tells her this would be a bad idea, since they don’t know for sure if Julian is out of the mob, and her whole point in hiding the baby was because she wants to keep Leo away from all that.

Oh, this is good! Sabrrrina gets home with her bag from the drugstore and finds the GH equivalent of Twizzlers in it. Nathan smacks into Valerie outside the diner and she drops her drugstore purchase without realizing. After she wanders off, Nathan finds the pregnancy test. Since Nathan is hip to the fact that Valerie and Dante slept together, we all know what he’s thinking. I’m guessing that, although this is amusing right now, Valerie probably will end up pregnant, especially since Dante and Lulu are gearing up to have another baby. Wrenches in the works all around.

Paul tells Michael he needs to step away from the mob. Michael thinks Tracy is behind his lecture and tells him to take a hike. Since Paul’s office has a revolving door, as soon as Michael leaves, Dillon shows up complaining about Nathan, although Paul managed to squeeze in a phone call to Alexis, telling her he’s not going to prosecute Julian. Well, that worked out.

Sabrrrina miraculously gets another pregnancy test without even leaving the house.

Tracy shows up at Sabrrrina’s, where she’s now taken 47 pregnancy tests and is eating the Twizzlers. Apparently, they were supposed to have breakfast together and Sabrrrina never showed. Michael shows up and blasts Tracy about Paul’s lecture. Does no one have to go to work today?

Only Alexis. She leaves for work, and Olivia shows up with baby Leo.

Of course Nathan can’t keep anything to himself, and before even checking with Valerie to see what’s up, tells Dante that Valerie has, or rather had, a pregnancy test. Before anyone has a chance to breathe, Dante is shoving the test at Valerie, while Dillon lurks in the background.

Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood

In the 20 minutes I watched this, two women got into a cat fight over a man, and one hip hop guy said, “That’s all I’m sayin’. You know what I’m sayin’?”

I think that’s probably as high as the bar is set for this show.

General Hospital – Friday

If Elizabeth keeps talking out loud to herself about how she’s finally marrying Jason, she won’t have to worry about the secret getting out. Laura tells Elizabeth she’s out of her mind, marrying “Jake” under false pretenses. Elizabeth acts like the selfish idiot that she is, and doesn’t want to listen. She says everyone is happy right now and it would be devastating for several people, like Patrick. Laura tells her it’s going to be worse if the truth comes out later. No kidding.

Lulu wonders why Dillon is acting linsane, and Maxie tells her it’s because he’s in love with her. After Dillon is done lurking at the police station, he comes in wanting to talk to Lulu. He gives her some baloney about being stressed over the film, and then tells her that he wants to come clean about everything. She says she already knows what he’s going to say. This is usually where a mix-up occurs.

Dante demands an explanation from Valerie about the pregnancy test, and she demands to know where her Twizzlers went. Valerie gets seriously pissed about Dante jumping her ass (and not in a good way) and stomps off. I don’t blame her. Dante jumping to conclusions was what got them into this mess in the first place.

Hayden wants to go out on the town with Nicholas, but she needs him to buy her a hot outfit first. Because women always make a guy buy the outfit for the first date.

“Jake” has a confab with Sam about finding out who he is before the wedding. He wants to give his true identity to Elizabeth as a wedding gift. That will be some gift. I can’t wait. Sam wants to start with Hayden, which means starting with Nicholas. “Jake” wonders why Nicholas would give a flying, and I’ve forgotten why, so I wonder too.

Commercial break. Is that Puddy from Seinfeld in the ad for Yoplait Whips? What happened to him? He looks like a pro-wrestler.

Olivia tells Julian that she adopted the baby she’s carrying around. Because adoptions happen just that quickly. She makes up something stupid that no one in their right mind would believe. Julian takes the baby, who starts crying his head off. Is Olivia sure this is his kid? Not much happens here, and Olivia leaves as quickly as she came.

Lulu tells Dillon that everything is cool and that he’ll find someone else. He asks her what on earth she’s talking about. Told you. She tells him that they had a lot of loose ends from way back when, and that they represent each other’s missed chances. Good point. She also makes it clear that she’s happily married, making Dillon thisclose to telling her about Valerie and Dante. Lulu tells Dillon that she and Dante want to have another baby and there’s no hope for them. Uh-oh, here it comes.

Dante follows Valerie around, apologizing and acting like an idiot in general. She says even if she was pregnant, she wouldn’t keep it. Ouch! He begs her forgiveness and she says he’s made it impossible to hate him.

Laura suggests that Elizabeth tell “Jake” the truth before someone else, like Hayden, does. Young Jake comes in with an injury over his eye. I guess he got in a fight in school? Laura thinks maybe young Jake should see a shrink, since he spent the first 4 years of his life isolated on Spoon Island with Helena.

“Jake” suggests that he and Sam take a look at Nicholas’s computer. Nicholas and Hayden walk in with ten thousand shopping bags, making that idea very convenient. Sam insults the both of them and leaves with “Jake.” Nicholas wants to know what Hayden bought and so do I. She says it’s a surprise, but gives him a sneak preview of her teddy or corset or whatever she’s got on under her clothes. He wants to know why she’s being so seductive. It must have been a while since he’s gone on a date. She claims Nicholas is “blushing,” but I don’t see it. As a matter-of-fact, that’s the last thing I’d think he’d do. Hayden says he’s almost acting like he cares about her, and she wants to talk about where the relationship is going, and he says he’s suddenly not hungry…for food. Woo woo!

Just as Sam and “Jake” get to Windermere, they hear Nicholas and Hayden coming back in. This place is on an island. Does everyone have private helicopters or what? Sam and Jake scoot out the back door, and Nicholas says he wants Hayden to put on a fashion show of all the stuff she bought on his dime. “Jake” and Sam scale a wall and get in the castle another way. Sam downloads all of the info on Nicholas’s computer onto a flash drive, but before she’s finished, even though there are 5000 rooms, Hayden and Nicholas decide to use this one for the fashion show.

Dante tells big mouth Nathan that the pregnancy test wasn’t Valerie’s, and he feels like an idiot. But then Maxie sees the test and no doubt jumps to the same conclusion.

Dillon grabs Lulu for a kiss, young Jake hears Elizabeth saying that “Jake” is his father, Nicholas and Hayden start going at it with Sam and Jake teetering on a balcony or ledge or something outside, and I’m eternally grateful that the news didn’t break in at the last second.

Z Nation

Operation Bite Mark has picked up Murphy’s groupie, Serena, who looks about two 24 months pregnant. The group is traveling through a Wisconsin town that was having some kind of cheese festival, making for some amusing zombies. Doc sees the world’s biggest wheel of cheese and stops to take a slice. They use the wheel to mow down a whole lot of zombies.

Serena is going through a lot of changes – morning, daytime and evening sickness, and hormonal weirdness. While they stop for her getting sick, a group starts shooting at them. Hormones can be a good thing sometimes, as Serena knocks them all out with a machine gun tirade about a baby being on board.

The cheese wheel continues on.

They get to a Mennonite farm. Vasquez slips away and takes out his radio. Is he contacting someone? Citizen Z perhaps?

10K comes across some farmers, some zombies and a zombie sheep. He takes care of the latter two, and the farmers leave without so much as a thank you.

Commercial break. It’s a new one from Subaru with the dogs Teenage lab is dating a boxer (a boxer dog, not a pugilist) and she chases his car after he drops her off. Very cute! They knew what they were doing when they created this ad series. Some other new show called The Expanse looks good, but I watch too many shows as it is. Childhood’s End is another intriguing one. Must. Stop. Looking.

10K follows the farmers, who have holed up in a barn, but they close the door on him. He’s covered with some kind of powder that he says came out of a zombie’s head when he shot it. That can’t be good. Roberta doesn’t think so either, and tells him to wash up.

Vasqyez reunites with the others (we never get back to the radio business), but the conversation is cut short by a family of zombies that they have to deal with. They explode with the powdery stuff. The living emerge and it turns out the powder is anthrax. Was this a result of the nuclear fallout? They don’t explain. 10K keels over and is running a high fever.  Serena is about to have her baby. There are tons of sick people in the makeshift infirmary, but whether from the anthrax or zombies, I don’t know.

Serena  is about to give birth in the barn, and can’t seem to stop talking, which she’s been doing since they picked her up. Addy tells one of the women they need Doc. English is not her first language, but she gets it when Addy makes a gesture like she’s inhaling a joint. I’m pretty sure Doc has never delivered a baby before. Let alone a half-zombie baby.

The Mennonite elder, who is young because there’s no one else left, tells OBM about a pharmacy in another town. The Mennonites haven’t gone there because it’s too dangerous, but they decide to set off. Mennonite Elder Guy in tow.

Murphy and Serena make insane noises at each other, which I guess is supposed to be the half-zombie Lamaze method.

Addy, Vazquez and Mennonite Elder Guy crash the drugstore. Addy feels the need to tell Mennonite Elder Guy what condoms are for. Um, he’s a Mennonite, not a Martian. They find a guy shooting up In the back of the store. Well, there go all the drugs. Yep, there are none left. Drug Addict Guy wants to die and rushes Vasquez, who shoots him.

Murphy asks Doc for a cigar, but all Doc can come up with is a piece of nicotine gum. Things are not looking good for 10K, who is spitting up blood. I feel sad about that. This show isn’t known for sparing even its main characters. Roberta says they have Cipro at the farm. She justifies taking it from them, saying there isn’t enough for the whole place, but there is enough to save 10K. She and Vasquez are going to rob the farm’s pharm, while Doc stays behind with Murphy and Serena.

Mennonite Elder Guy knows Roberta is there for the medicine. She explains that their mission is to create the vaccine that will help everyone. Mennonite Elder Guy shares their credo of non-violence and loving their enemies. Roberta takes what they came for and she and Mennonite Elder Guy wish each other peace.

OBM is reunited and the baby is pulling itself out of the womb. Yikes! Here come 3 wise guy zombies with a zombie camel and a bunch of other zombie animals. This is apparently the zombie messiah. Some zombie cowboys (?)  join in too, and zombies start accumulating. The baby is a girl and it’s actually kind of cute. The zombie pack breaks through to where they are, and Murphy can’t hypnotize them like usual because they’re drawn to the baby. Serena gets loud and hormonal and stops them in their zombie tracks, calling them damn dirty zombies like in Planet of the Apes. She gets caught amongst the zombies and gets eaten as Murphy watches helplessly. She emerges as a zombie faster than any turning I’ve ever seen, and Roberta gives her mercy. Sacrificial lamb character for tonight, but how are these people going to travel with a half-zombie baby? I’m betting it’s going to be an adult in two weeks’ time.

If I see that final countdown Geico ad one more time, I’m going to go out of my mind. It’s been an ear worm on and off for weeks.

Commercial break. Strange. It’s an ad for The Walking Dead.

10K has survived and Murphy needs to name the baby. Addy gives 10K the condoms, which seems odd to me, since you’d think they’d be wanting to repopulate the earth. If she was going to give them to anyone, it should be Murphy. Murphy names the baby Lucille, the first of her kind.

Ha-ha-ha! The cheese wheel picks up a cow at the end.

Oct8

October 7, 2015 — Port Charles & Double the LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Oh, look! It’s Felix! Where has he be–…he’s gone again. And while I’m on the subject, where has Brad been? And his boyfriend, the cop. It’s been so long, I can’t remember his name.

Sabrrrina explains to the two idiots, Michael and Morgan, that it’s too early to tell if Sonny’s paralysis is permanent. I’m sure Morgan will want to beat someone up over that. Or shoot someone. Or sleep with them. Corny stuff with Carly and Sonny continues.The two stooges descend on them because it’s a hospital and he’s just had major surgery, so everyone, come on in.

Emma, one of the cutest kids on the planet, and Anna are making necklaces. Sam walks in and Emma hides the necklace she’s making because it’s for her real mom (Robin) and she doesn’t want to hurt Sam’s feelings. I feel about kids on soaps about the same way I feel about getting hit in the head with a hammer, but the ones on GH blow me away. Emma remembers that the last time Patrick was getting married (to Sabrrrina), Robin showed up out of the blue and wonders if that will happen again. Now that she mentions it, me too.

Elizabeth gives “Jake” some BS about the Hayden phone call.

Nicholas asks Laura if she really thinks he could have someone killed. Hell yeah. She tells him that Elizabeth made a good case for it, which will probably get Elizabeth in trouble, which is okay with me, but why did she tell? Nicholas says, yeah, well, maybe he did that, but hasn’t Laura done some dumbass things? Like leaving him with the Cassadines to run away with Luke? To be fair, he is a Cassadine and she didn’t have anyone shot.

Just as Nicholas says “Blah-blah-blah ‘Jake’ is really Jason,” Jason Jake That guy shows up in the hallway right behind Hayden who’s been listening to the whole thing. Nice moment!

Anna assuages Emma’s fears about Robin, but then overly astute Emma asks what if someone else stops the wedding? That’s a good question, little kid. Somehow this turns around to everyone lighting candles in church. Because they’re all soooo spiritual.

“Jake’s” presence is made known. Hayden says she just wanted to know what was up with the memory she had and “Jake” is being overprotective of his fiancé. Laura questions whether Jake should be getting married, since he might have a family somewhere else. Nicholas tells her to shut the blip up. Not really, but he wants to. “Jake” says it’s all good, and if anyone was looking for him, he’d know it by now. He leaves, Laura goes upstairs to say good night to Spencer (where has he been?) and as soon as she’s gone, Hayden tells Nicholas she heard everything.

Ava has freaked out over a rash that baby Avery has and brought her to the hospital. Didn’t she raise Kiki? Who runs their second kid to the ER over a rash? She also runs into Sonny on his way to an MRI. Sonny is awfully damn perky to have just come out of major surgery and awfully tan too. He looks like he just came back from the Bahamas, and although I’ve never had an embolism, I have the feeling you don’t look all that great afterward. Hello? Director? Is this thing on? In the meantime, Carly and Dumb & Dumber are saying they need to tell Sonny that Ava has Avery.  Um…

I give my eldest dog, who just had her 13th birthday, a piece of egg and my other dogs stare at me like I’m a mass murderer. This isn’t part of the GH plot. I’m just wondering if you’re paying attention.

Sabrrrina and Felix are having dinner and drinks. Felix questions the fact that Sabrrrina isn’t drinking and doesn’t want a floating rib. He wonders if she’s pregnant. Even though she insists she isn’t, she tells him she’ll take a test in the morning. Ugh! Just what we need, another Corinthos, I mean, Quartermaine.

Sonny threatens Ava and then says he doesn’t want his MRI, that he’s taking his marbles and going back to his room. Lord help me. This character is so irritating sometimes, I can’t stand it. Carly is a day late and a dollar short, telling Sonny what he already knows when he gets back to the room. He asks Carly to marry him, they kiss, and I gag.

Sam is still questioning Anna as to whether they shouldn’t be looking for Carrrlos. Anna needs to make up something better, since Carrrlos killed Duke and Sam thinks she’d want his ass for that alone. I’d think the same thing.

Ava is still wandering around the hospital because it’s the social hub of Port Charles. Morgan starts hassling her and he does one of those things I hate, talks to the baby saying what he really wants Ava to hear.

“Jake” calls Sam and wants her to help him find out who he is before he marries Elizabeth. For someone who has so much work, I don’t see Sam do a whole lot of it.

Little Women: LA

All anyone can talk about is Brianna’s secret wedding to Matt, which is understandable. Christy’s husband, Todd, looks up the records online because no one has anything better to do, and it turns out they’ve been married for a while. They also bring up how Matt sent rude pics to some girl when he and Brianna weren’t together. While I’m not a fan of d*ck pics, they need to get over this already. It’s funny how in both this show and the OC Wives, the friends are more concerned about the other person’s love life than the other person is. Did that make sense? I love Brianna and Matt’s ring sets – he’s the “dark knight” and she’s the “glamorous queen.”

Terra is all shocked that Brianna kept the marriage from them. I don’t get that, since they were all so down on him. I do agree though, the announcement at Elena’s bachelorette party was pretty bad timing. Brittney, however, thinks it’s pretty “badass,” and I can kind of see it that way too. Brianna has been struggling with these friendships for a while, so even though I don’t think she meant it that way, it was kind of a big F-U.  In a flashback, they’re showing Brittney and her gigantic butterfly earrings are amazing.

Yay! It’s time to see Elena’s wedding dress! Absolutely anything would look good on her, so I can just imagine her draped in a white confection. Tonya nearly freaks out, seeing the dress before we do, and I can see why. It looks more like something you’d wear on your wedding night. Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredible, a lace dream, and she looks fabulous in it, but it barely covers her lady parts. Both Terra and Tonya are wondering how Elena and hubby Preston’s parents are going to react. Me too.  It must be nice to not be self-conscious though.

Despite their bad start, Tonya and Jasmine are friends now. They both have average sized children, so they have that bond. It must be challenging, because by the time the child is 5, they’re the same size as the mom. That’s one of the reasons I love this show. These are things that the average sized person doesn’t even give a thought too, and it’s good to expand your knowledge of how someone different from you deals with life.

Of course Jasmine knowing about Brianna’s marriage comes up. Jasmine is afraid this is going to affect her friendships with the other ladies, but IMO, it shows that she can totally be trusted with a secret.

Todd and Christy meet Terra and Joe for lunch at a really nice outdoor restaurant. I’m glad to see Joe. He hasn’t been around much. They say that Matt has kids who live with his ex (I assume their mom) and how could this be without him being a total lowlife?

For Elena, the upcoming party is more than a vow renewal. It’s everything she never got to do. She came to the US for a short trip from Russia and ended up marrying Preston. Last season, we learned that her first two years of life were spent tied to a bed in a hospital. It’s a real miracle that she turned out so well-adjusted. I once was on a team that took care of a child with institutionalized autism. He came from a similar situation, but in the Ukraine instead of Russia. I needed special training to learn how to teach and deal with him. I thought he was very bright, but he could also turn violent at a moment’s notice, and I did experience that. He and his parents eventually moved to Oregon where there was a facility that could handle his needs. No surprise there was nothing in this state.

Elena’s family arrives. They’re very cute. It would be good of her to translate though. Unless Preston knows Russian, which for all I know, he does.

Brittney and Terra are having a confab at Terra’s house. Terra says she wants to make sure Brittney isn’t going to create a problem in Hawaii. This is kind of stupid, since the issue she had with Elena is between them and all was forgiven. Terra and Brittney were both back-up dancers on Miley Cyrus’s tour, so Terra, having brought Brittney into the friend circle, feels responsible. Brittney says the whole thing with Elena was really Terra’s fault because she opened her big mouth. Terra tells Brittney she shouldn’t come to Hawaii, which really isn’t her place at all. I love Terra, but she can seriously be controlling. I’d tell her to bugger off.

Million Dollar Listing LA

Josh A. is making plans to change an address on one of his listings. It turns out changing an address can make more money. I can assure you, not if it’s changed to my address.

The twins James and David, and Josh F. are going to knock on doors and cold call in person for real estate listings. They say it’s a neighborhood that the Shahs of Sunset might like to live in and developers are very interested in buying at tear down prices and building more contemporary homes. That rubs me the wrong way and makes me think Joni Mitchell was prophetic in writing that “they paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” These houses are beautiful and have a lot of charm, but no one cares about that anymore. My sister got a degree in historical preservation, and moved to New Orleans thinking she could use it there. Instead, she found a bunch of Walmarts and got slammed by Katrina.

Josh F. left a business card at a house where no one was home, and he gets a call. Nice. Josh A. is having trouble generating interest in a property on Aberdeen, which sounds familiar to me, and I think it’s because Jeff Lewis from Flipping Out had a property there. It’s a fabulous property and the downstairs has a really nice recording studio, but the problem seems to be the high price.

The David/James/JoshF team check out the house Josh was called about. It’s a little modern for me, but if you wanted to give it to me, I’d take it. The outdoor space is gorgeous too, but then we see the view. An entire apartment building is looking down on it. The owner tells them the Cypress trees will grow a lot in a couple of years, but that’s not helping right now. They make a good point in that the owner is a developer and a sale would get his name out there. They have a deal. Sometimes this is kind of exciting.

David and James have a “spa day.” They do two minutes in a cryogenic chamber that seems scary and uncomfortable. No thanks.

After showing him several comps, Josh A. tells Aberdeen guy that if he doesn’t lower the price, he can’t list the house anymore for him. He gets the price reduction.

Did you know that parking a Lamborghini out front is foreign investor bait? Me neither. The J/D/JF team has decided to try and distract potential buyers from the ghastly view by putting a mermaid in the pool. It’s a freaking amazing house and if I had the money to buy it, I’d have enough for a house in the Hamptons when I wanted privacy and wouldn’t care less about the apartment building. The mermaid is cool and everyone loves it, but seriously, it doesn’t make the apartment building disappear.

Josh A. is still annoyed about the glitter bomb from last week, and when he sees that Josh F. is listing with the Double Mint twins, he makes plans to ruffle feathers. He Saran wraps his own advertisement all over (I think) David and Jame’s car at the open house.

Next week, Larry Flint is selling his home. That should be interesting.

Oct7

October 6, 2015 — GH, Wrong Loving, a Couch & a Squall

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Is it Friday yet? Sleeping Beauty Sonny wakes up, while Ava and Julian take baby Avery out to dinner to celebrate her homecoming. I have the feeling Avery is probably ready for surf ‘n’ turf or at least lo mien.

“Jake” picked up Elizabeth’s phone while she was in the bathroom and knows she got a call from Hayden. Well, it probably has Nicholas’s number, so who knows what he must be thinking.

Kiki whines to Franco that she has nothing to do and no one to do it with. He suggests she move into Silas’s apartment with him and Nina, but Nina’s not too keen on that idea and I don’t blame her. Who wants this millennial whiner around them? Let’s see, she’s gorgeous, has money (I’m sure Silas left her some and she has the apartment) and is halfway intelligent (although not much evidence of that lately). Can’t she find somewhere to go? I’ve found her annoying for a while, but it could just be that I miss Kristen Alderson. A lot. Nina also doesn’t want to live in the “death apartment.” Again, good luck finding one that isn’t in Port Charles.

“Jake” says he wasn’t snooping, but he wanted to know what call upset Elizabeth so much. Patrick and Sam show up announcing their engagement, and Elizabeth is happier than they are. Patrick and Elizabeth get called to the hospital to deal with Sonny. Sam complains a little about significant others who are doctors and nurses, and have to go to work at a moment’s notice. Sounds good to me. Maybe not so much with nurses, but marrying a doctor must be great. They’re never home and they make a lot of money. Whoa. “Jake” has an amazing memory for things other than his identity. He remembered the phone number he saw on Elizabeth’s phone and has Sam look it up on her tablet.

Laura shows up at Windermere, and is wondering what’s up with Hayden being there. Nicholas has given Hayden some baloney about how Helena told her who Jake is, but not him. Okay. Like anyone is stupid enough to believe that. Elizabeth calls Nicholas and he seems to think that Hayden doesn’t remember anything. Does this mean he’s believing Hayden or falling for her? Hayden is hip to the fact that she’s making Laura nervous, and says she’ll find somewhere else to live. Seriously? Doesn’t this house have like 110 rooms? They never even have to see each other. Laura says it’s okay and that Hayden should stay.

Kiki gives a lot of exposition for new viewers as to what’s happened up until now with Nina, under the guise of telling Nina how sorry she is. No one talks like this IRL and it always makes me laugh. I’m not crazy about Nina’s dress. I love the style, but it’s some kind of cherry blossom pattern or something that looks like streaks of blood.

Paul says the same thing that every politician says when they get in office – he got left with a mess. He and Tracy discuss how reliable information from Michael might be. It’s probably about as reliable as information from anyone on this show. Paul says he’s going to talk to Michael. Fat lot of good this will do him.

I got confused for a second when Carly tells Sonny he had a seizure when they were about to get married. I’d totally forgotten they decided to do it in the hospital. Patrick tells Sonny that anxiety is a common side effect of anesthesia. Really? I’ve only had it once and it was the best sleep I ever had. He tests Sonny’s reflexes and I wonder if those are fake feet, because Sonny doesn’t react and I don’t know if anyone is that good of an actor. It’s making me move my feet. I’m still wondering why Sonny thought “Jake” was Jason, since they really look nothing like each other. (I’d also swear “Jake” was shorter, but I’ll let that pass.) Was it something in “Jake’s” eyes, or did Sonny wake up psychic? That would be a fun plotline. He could get together with Olivia and they could start a business.

Nina is like, no way am I moving in with Kiki, but Franco wants to do the right thing, with a side benefit of bugging Ava. I love these two together because they’re more fun than corny. Roger Howarth is aging well and looking handsome. He doesn’t seem to be the type who’d get Botox or something, so good. Kiki shows up at (I guess) The Floating Rib where Julian and Ava are. Ava wants to make peace, but Kiki just wants to drink. I hear you, Kiki. How many earrings is Kiki wearing? It looks like 4 or 5. Kiki throws back the rest of her drink and storms off.

How is it that “Jake” is so damn smart, but can’t figure out even one clue as to who he really is?

Back at the ranch Silas’s apartment, Kiki is back and Nina says they’re all going to be one big happy family there, making Kiki, the audience, and probably Franco, wondering when her change of mind happened.

Nicholas tells Laura he “has feelings for” Hayden. I hate that phrase. It makes me cringe inside. Laura wonders how well it’s going to go, since he tried to have Hayden killed a few months ago. Nicholas says that a guy has the right to change his mind. Not really, but that sounded good.

Geez, Sonny isn’t awake 10 seconds before Carly is pushing for another marriage ceremony. Patrick has told him it’s too early to tell if he’ll be able to walk again, and he doesn’t want to marry her until he finds out. Way to stall.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Major flashback episode from when Alex and Brad moved into the neighborhood. Marcie and Randall welcome them and the couples get together for an evening of drinking.  They do some dancing in Alex and Brad’s living room. I always find this kind of thing a little weird, since nobody does this IRL unless it’s a party. Afterwards, after Marcie & Randall leave, Alex wants to get all lovey dovey, and ditto the other two at their house. They keep showing us the clock and I’m not sure why. Uh-oh, something went wrong at Alex and Brad’s. They’ve finished before they started and she does not look happy. OMG – Alex is looking out the window and sees the other couple. Quick like a bunny, Randall closes the curtains, but not before he sees Alex catching a glimpse. This is another thing I don’t think people do in real life, unless they’re voyeurs. Speaking for myself, I can’t think of one neighbor I’ve ever had that I’d want to catch in flagrante. Nope. Not one. And I’ve had quite a few neighbors.

Randall sees Alex outside the next morning and says, sorry, they’re used to the house being empty. I can actually relate to this. I once lived on the top floor of an apartment building in Queens. When they decided to go co-op, as renters left, they stopped renting out apartments. For over a year, it was just me and a single gay man on my floor, and I got used to doing things like taking the garbage out in my underwear. I had to be really careful to check myself when new people finally started moving in.

We jump to a few years later. Both Marcie and Brad are at work and Randall goes over to see Alex. He says he’s been hugging her a little too long at the end of the night when they double-date, adding that it seems to be reciprocal. I’m actually feeling a little sick to my stomach, since I know what the outcome is going to be. Randall says he’s seen her peeping at them when they’re going at it. Hmm…why are they still leaving the curtains open? When people moved into my apartment building, I stopped taking out the garbage half-naked. Alex wisely tells him to get lost. Obviously, we know this doesn’t last. Then he goes to kiss her good-by. Alex rebuffs him, but he’s still going on about their chemistry. One of the reasons I’ve never liked Randall is that he can’t take a hint.

For whatever reason, Randall is helping Alex paint a room. They’re getting a little too close while opening a stuck window, and her parents show up! They’re from Deliverance, which is a surprise to me. Her father isn’t happy that Brad isn’t American, and then Randall, who is African American, comes bounding down the stairs without his shirt on. OMG, he calls Randall “a darkie.” So her father is a racist from the backwoods and her mother is a doormat. They leave and good riddance. Alex goes to find Randall and I see where this is headed. They had lots of sex in the shed and that’s where Alex finds him.

Alex is mortified. They hug and, Oh my Tyler Perry!

Alex is dreaming all this and wakes up saying Randall’s name. And Brad is sitting there. Brad says he’s going to make her life hell from now on. I swear, Tyler Perry produces the best soaps ever. The episode endings are nothing short of soapticiously fabulous.

The People’s Couch

I am so glad this show is back. And for an hour this time. I honestly think it’s one of the funniest things on TV. Maybe ever. The simple, and cheap for Bravo, premise is several groups of people watching TV in their respective homes, everything from Empire (a show I would love to indulge in, but I can’t watch everything) to The Real Housewive,  and making comments to each other while they watch. That’s pretty much what I do here. Which is why I need to be on this show, even if I talk to myself.

There are a pair of sisters who are also roommates; three gay guys who are best friends; a pair of sisters who aren’t roommates; a couple and their two teenage sons; female best friends and writing partners, one is gay and one is straight (my personal favorites – and they have 3 little dogs); a dad and his three adult daughters; three older retired ladies; and another couple and their teenage son.

Each group is very funny, and are people you’d love to hang out with. I literally laugh out loud every other minute.

Oooh, we get a sneak peek Teresa’s phone call home from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Below Deck

Back at the schoolyard…I mean, yacht, Rocky has given Emile a note saying she just wants to be friends. Because they are both huge babies. I would hate to work with these two.

The primary guests are a brother and sister (Tracy and Mark) and their spouses. There’s another girl who I assume is someone’s daughter. Right away, in her individual interview, Connie says something snarky about the girl’s appearance. I don’t like that. Yeah, I know I do it sometimes, but I’m not getting a ten thousand dollar tip. If you’re giving me ten grand, I won’t knock your sweater.

The weather is pretty breezy and a storm is coming. A lobster fishing expedition is cut short and they head back to shore. Chef Leon is a real drag, but the gusts are happy with his dishes. The centerpiece is gorgeous too. I’m sure that’s the fun part of the job for the stews, getting to do the creative stuff. New deckhand, Dane, is on anchor watch. It’s been stressed a few times that falling asleep is a huge no-no, which makes me wonder if that’s what’s going to happen, but it doesn’t.

The next day is nicer, so the jet skis are put in the water. Immediately, the first guest out runs over a line and sucks it into the propeller, thus taking more precious time away from outdoor activities. Squalls are coming through. Dane is supposed to get the line un-entangled and is just making more of a mess. Captain Lee is losing patience with this guy quickly. At first, he seemed like a hard worker, but he’s acting more and more like Spicoli from Fast Times At Ridgemont High.

Mark has brought his own wine and wants a tasting menu to go with it. Chef Leon has ordered food from the mainland – groceries, not McDonald’s – and more time is wasted going to pick up his order. The meat is frozen solid. I guess Leon should have been more specific or planned better. Because Kate didn’t have the menu info, everything else got hung up. I understand her frustration with this. I hate when I have to wait for someone to finish their part before I can do my part and they lollygag. Even worse, as Kate has explained earlier, it’s the domino effect – if one person flounders, it goes on down the line and affects everyone.

Captain Lee is dining with the guests. He’s not impressed with Leon’s food, but hopefully, the guests are. Mark seems to have a pretty sophisticated palette. Amy and Kate are super pissed off about Leon taking his sweet time with the whole thing and not caring about them or the guests. Chef Leon makes an appearance and the guests seem happy with his work. Apparently, he should be wearing a jacket to do this and says he doesn’t give a flying. Kate finally calls him out for being the jerk that he is. He says he’ll try to let her know sooner next time, but not to hold her breath. Then he just goes on and on and on about how he doesn’t like Kate and making veiled threats. This guy is the worst. I wouldn’t want to work with him either. Rocky thinks it’s all very funny and I want to slap her.

16 large this week! And because the yacht owners have gotten good feedback about the crew, they’ve been given a freebie night at a resort. Captain Lee gives Dane a mini lecture on responsibility, but he knows it’s going in one ear and out the other. Good job whoever used the words “tax free” in regard to the tip. Shut up.

Dane gets seriously hammered while on the boat on their night off. Ugh! He’s a messy drunk too. I hate that.

Next week looks pretty good. Dane makes more of an idiot of himself and the guests aren’t happy with Chef Leon. And Eddie and Rocky hook up? I’m hoping that one is a dream.

Oct6

October 5, 2015 — GH, the OC, London & a Stink

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

Franco and Nina are out to celebrate their conscious coupling, and see Kiki doing shots at the bar. Nina says it’s a funny place for an investment job. I might agree, but I worked in investments in the 80s.The dude she’s doing shots with apparently wants payment for those shots with some nookie, and Kiki fights off his advances until Franco steps in, saying she’s his daughter. After the guy backs off, half-in-the-bag Kiki tells Franco he’s not her father, that her father was killed by Nina’s lunatic of a mother (like that’s his fault), and to get lost. Instead, he drags her sorry ass out of the bar.

Anna and Emma are having an after school snack at a table outside a restaurat. Emma says she wants to write about her grandma for a school assignment because she’s the best person in the world. Ouch! Knife to Anna’s heart. Anna tries to talk Emma into writing about her dad, but Emma basically says he’s a real bore and she’d rather write about Anna, who’s a hero and can do no wrong. Another stab. Sabrrrina shows up  and tells Emma to go in and buy some cookies, which I already know must be a ploy to talk to Anna alone.

Laura’s back! I’ve been hoping against hope that she’ll be the one who reveal’s “Jake’s” true identity. Maybe I’ll get my wish. She shows up at Patrick’s house and has flashbacks of talking to Elizabeth before she left. She notices Sam’s engagement ring. DUN-DUN-DUNNN!

Hayden is looking up old news on the laptop to try and put the pieces of her life together. Nicholas tells her that she’s looking at tabloid crap and he’s already told her everything. Nicholas thinks Hayden is up to something, but she says she’s honestly just trying to figure her past out, while she’s rocking a great new haircut. Nicholas gets kind of pissed off and leaves. I still can’t decide whether I believe her or not.

Elizabeth is out with “Jake.” It must be date night or something. These two are so unexciting as a couple, I can’t wait until this is over. “Jake” is still unnerved about Sonny calling him “Jason.” Elizabeth gets a call from Hayden, who is wondering why she broke a vase in anger at Nicholas’s castle or mansion or fiefdom or whatever it is he lives in. It’s one of the few memories that she has and Elizabeth was there. Before Elizabeth can say anything, Nicholas takes the phone from Hayden.

Paul says blah-blah-blah to Michael about getting justice for Sonny, which Tracy isn’t too thrilled about, since Sonny shot AJ. She apologizes to Michael for her outburst, but when he leaves, she tells Paul that she’s not really sorry because Sonny is a lowlife.

No surprise, Sabrrrina wants to talk to Anna about Carrrlos. While she doesn’t know he’s dead, she’s not buying that he would have shot Sonny. She thinks she would have heard from him by now, and thinks she should tell the police, but Anna says that would be a bad idea because she would have to admit to aiding and abetting after Duke’s murder. Nice save.

Laura says the reason she came to Patrick’s first is that she has a condition that needs to be monitored and asks Patrick to be her neurologist. It’s highly doubtful that’s why it was her first stop, but when she saw how cozy Patrick and Sam were, I think she hesitated to tell them about “Jake.” Dammit!

Michael has boomeranged back, and Tracy gives him a mini lecture on how he’s never been a Corinthos and should behave like the Quartermaine he is.

Kiki tells Franco that she lied so he wouldn’t feel sorry for her, and that since Silas died, she has no direction. Franco says that when he thought she was his daughter, it was some of the best time of his life, and I wonder if he’s thinking about Todd and Starr and the good old One Life To Live days.

Uh-oh, Tracy just said she’s going off to pray for patience. Don’t do it. Your patience will only get tested as a result. Sabrrrina has shown up and tells Michael she doesn’t think it’s Carrrlos who shot Sonny.

When Anna and Emma get back to Patrick’s, he and Sam tell them about the engagement. Sam says she feels like the luckiest woman in the world. Just wait, Sam.

Hayden wants to know whose secret she’s keeping, hers or Nicholas’s. She says he’s trying to control her and that every time she’s making any headway, he either gets all control freakish or flirty, which she tells him is “enjoyable and effective,” but she’s not someone who can be controlled. To prove this point, she gives in to his amorous advances as Laura walks in.

It stinks that Dr. Phil is on at the same time. Today’s show said it was about a homeless guy who thinks he’s a famous songwriter, which sounds totally delusional, but interesting.

The Real Housewives of the OC

All right, here we go. I’m already hating on Meghan when they show scenes from the previous episodes. She said she thought all children were raised the same. That’s a huge part of her problem. She thinks everything should be the way it is/was for her.

Of course when the show starts, because I stupidly watched First Look again, I had that moment where I thought I saw it before and wonder how that can be.

Brianna starts off with saying idiotic things. Brooks is away, and she, Ryan and children are staying with Vicki. Brianna and Ryan are whispering in the kitchen about how the house feels weird and smells strange. WTF is wrong with these people? Brianna is a married woman with her own family and I just don’t get how she feels she can dictate what her mother does. I still say there’s a reason why they’ve been in Oklahoma a year and have no friends.

Tamra is getting baptized. Look out for lightning storms in the OC.

Shannon and David are seeing their counselor who makes house calls. I have to admit, I wasn’t that crazy about either one of them, especially him, when they first joined the cast, but Shannon has grown to be one of my favorite wives. I have to give David props too, for getting his act together and letting us in on it. And it makes sense now why he was such a creep last season. It’s good of them to air their counseling sessions as well.

Heather, Tamra and Shannon meet for lunch. Tamra wastes no time in pointing out that Heather’s new skin products “also cure cancer.” She says this because one of the ingredients is the same as what Brooks is using to combat his cancer. But aren’t antioxidants used for more than one thing? Again, continuing from last week, there’s a big whoop-de-do about why they chose Tamra to look at Brook’s medical report. Vicki was clear that her reason for doing it was because Tamra started this whole thing with the psychotic…I mean, psychic. I recently read that the so-called psychic is sorry he ever met them, and how much do you want a bet it was a set up by Andy Cohen anyway? Maybe not Andy personally, but he is the pitchfork that prods these shows. Shannon tells them about David’s affair and to her credit, Heather had already known, but has kept her mouth shut this whole time. In Orange County, there’s a 72% divorce rate. Holy! I honestly think these two are going to make it and I’m proud of them.

Brianna says that Vicki works to make something work that shouldn’t work, because she doesn’t want to be alone. Isn’t that her business? I’ve said this before. I don’t care for Brooks, but I never see him treat Vicki like anything but a queen, so who cares if he’s lying his ass off? Brianna has had it out for him ever since (a billion seasons ago) when he was drunk and told Brianna’s husband he should smack her one. Not so nice, but I’ve wanted to smack her one several times, so I get where he was coming from. To top it off, Brianna’s husband, Ryan, doesn’t seem like much of a prize to me. He seems to have calmed down some, but he was a nasty piece of work for a while. Geez, and I thought I could hold a grudge.

Tamra is now meeting Brianna for lunch. No good is going to come from this. Brianna needs to comb her hair. She says she likes Tamra because she’s so honest. Puh-leeze. She’s nasty and uses the word “honest” to justify it. I’m hoping to God (literally) that her finding Jesus changes her personality. In her individual interview segment, Brianna says there’s nothing Brooks can do to get her to like him. Of course Tamra has to tell her about the PET scan business. Because I have no life, I’d Googled he place myself and it said they do them, so….?

Brianna talks about how Vicki has suffered because of her relationship with Brooks. Well, yeah, but that’s not because of Brooks. It’s because of you. I’m heaving huge sighs through this whole episode so far. I don’t get why everyone just doesn’t drop it.

Oh ho! Tamra says Vicki is using her to do her dirty work and “spread the news.” No comment. No, I take that back. Why is it okay for her to spread all kinds of other news – Meghan’s “research” news, the psychic’s news, any nasty news that comes into her stupid head? There was a point where I’d thought she changed and I was starting to like her, but no. Apparently, she thinks being baptized is also a beauty contest and buys an expensive dress and has her makeup done. She’s an idiot.

Holy! Shannon was doing an at home colonic and got a piece of plastic stuck inside her. She’s going to use an enema to fix this? Damn, woman, go to the ER. It turns out that nothing was there and it must have…um…come out in another way.

Whenever I see Heather and Terry, I think it must be nice to be absolutely loaded.

Everyone keeps talking about how much Tamra has changed. Are we just skipping over the bad parts? Is it me? Both Vicki and Shannon are taking separate limos to the baptism, and something doesn’t seem right about that.

In the preview, Tamra says Vicki could be going to hell for lying. Apparently, she hasn’t been paying attention in Jesus class.

Ladies of London

I love the Baroness’s (otherwise known as Caroline #2) relationship with her two Dachshunds. Her decorating skills are awesome too. She’s got a new relationship going on and she’s pretty excited about it. Her counselor also makes house calls.

Juliet stops by to see Caroline #1 and explains that she told Julie about Caroline’s mini tirade against her, and Julie had to run to Annabelle with it. Caroline #1 says Juliet must be a moron if she thinks anything she says to any of them isn’t going to be broadcast. I agree.

Marissa, who hasn’t taken the gigantic stick out of her butt yet, is discussing her new business venture with her husband. She’s whining about how it’s taking her away from her family. It’s not like she has no concept of working outside the home; what did she think was going to happen?

Annabelle and Julie go to a juice bar. Julie says that Juliet had a “look of horror,” when she passed along the info to Annabelle about Caroline #1. I don’t know what Brits consider a look of horror (even though Julie is American), but that wasn’t it IMO. I think Julie is a little unhinged actually. Everything seems to make her nervous and she’s afraid of making Caroline #1 angry. Caroline #1 has her own set of problems right now with her business (Gift Library) and I highly doubt she gives a flying about any of this. Julie claims to have some gene that makes her extra sensitive. I think maybe she reads too much. I had to take the medical dictionary away from my husband once, since he thought he had every single issue he was reading about. Annabelle tells Julie that she needs to own her feelings and confront Caroline #1, but Julie is askard of her.

Caroline and her sister-in-law, Alexis Carrington Sophie, are having a confab about the New Year’s Eve party. If all this stuff is as unimportant as they say it is, why are they still talking about it?

Marissa is meeting with some brand expert. She’s all startled that things are more expensive than she thought they would be. Welcome to the world. Julie is also trying to get some funding for her JUG balls, which are similar to energy bars. She’s sweating bullets over it, which is no surprise, since she seems to get nervous over just about everything. She’s so nervous, she makes me nervous just watching her. She’s been distributing her Scweddy JUG balls herself, but it’s time to branch out. More ball jokes, but she gets the investors on board.

It’s Joan Collins’s Sophie’s birthday, so all the girls are paying tribute. Julie is “petrified” over seeing Caroline #1 for the first time since the New Year’s Eve debacle. What a shock. Where’s Ramona when you need her to scream, “Take a Xanax!”  What do they call not being able to leave high school in the UK? OMG. Julie looks like such a suck up. Annabelle isn’t impressed and says the only way to deal with Caroline #1 is to stand up to her, but instead, Julie gives her a present. And seriously, she looks like a panting puppy while waiting for Caroline #1’s approval.  It seems like more of a bachelorette party than a birthday. They stab at piñatas that have sex toys in them.  Because she’s really mad at Caroline #1, Julie picks a fight with Juliet. I’m starting not to like Julie. Why am I fighting with Juliet about fighting with Caroline when I’m not fighting about Caroline? says Juliet. Why indeed.

And I don’t think Caroline #1 is scary at all. I quite like her. She’s says after an issue with someone, she moves on and gets over it, because life is too short to do otherwise. She, Victoria Gotti Sophie and Juliet have a nice talk and hugs all around.

Next week looks interesting. They’re going bowling in wigs. And Caroline #1 is going to have to deal with New Yorkers. Ha-ha!

Reeker

Because Halloween is coming up and this is one of my favorite horror films and it’s on Showtime rotation.

The title of this film is somewhat off-putting and I almost didn’t watch it the first time because of that. When I saw Michael Ironside was in it though, I decided to give it a look. He’s a wonderful actor (loved him in V) and also a lovely human being.

I don’t want to say too much about this film, since it has a surprise ending. It’s actually one of those films you might want to watch more than once to catch the clues. It’s no The Usual Suspects, but it’s pretty clever.

A group of kids (not kid kids, but young people) are lost and stumble upon what looks like the Halfway Tourist Oasis, a deserted motel, diner and gas station. It looks like it was inhabited not long before, as all the lights are still on and it looks like everyone left in a hurry. It also stinks to high heaven, hence the film title. When one of them tries to go down the road to find help, he runs into Michael Ironside, who’s driving around in circles in an RV, looking for his missing wife.

Throughout the film, strange characters show up, like a dude whose bottom half is chopped off, along with a hooded figure that keeps making a periodic appearance. Bad things start happening and that’s all I’m going to say.

While this isn’t exactly a classic, it’s well worth taking the time to watch. The pace is good, the story is intelligent and a little different, the gore is nicely done, and the ending is satisfying.

Oct5

October 4, 2015 — King Arthur’s Court & the Dead

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

Once Upon a Time

I’ve always thought it was funny how, in fantasy or horror stories, they’ll believe in one thing, but not another. Like on Dark Shadows, they would be okay with witches, but a vampire is preposterous. Or vampires are totally plausible, but not a werewolf. In tonight’s episode, when King Arthur is thrown into present day Storybrook, he has a magician who’s been imprisoned, but scoffs that a curse could be involved. A magician who once turned him into a fish, so really?

In order to get Merlin released, dark magic will have to be used, so Regina (otherwise known as the Evil Queen) wants to take Emma’s place, even though Emma (otherwise known as The Savior) is supposed to be the one to save the day. Meanwhile, Emma’s counterpart has gone completely darkside and Captain Hook breaks up with her. Yes, I know, it sounds like the writers are on drugs; that’s not my fault. It’s actually easier to follow than it sounds, but you do have to pay attention or you’ll wonder where The Cat in the Hat suddenly came from.

In Storybrook, some weird ass dark fairy comes down from the sky and carries off Regina’s boyfriend, Robin Hood. It turns out it’s in some kind of payment for some magic where a life is required. Hmm…we’ve got seven dwarves, so I’d pick one of them. Who needs Grumpy anyway?

Back at Camelot, Regina gets an awesome necklace from King Arthur to wear at the ball. It’s really nice, but it doesn’t look like it was foraged during the Middle Ages. Not even close. No surprise, it’s really a hidden camera, or cauldron, or whatever it is they use for candid snaps there.

There’s a cutesy part with finding Regina the proper dress and teaching her to dance. I ignore the dialogue, but lust after the clothes.

Apparently it’s okay to bring your iPod to the parallel medieval world. Uh-oh, someone has realized that Regina is not so much savior as evil queen and pulls a sword on her. In the following melee, parallel world Robin Hood gets stabbed. Regina asks Emma to save Robin. As magic always comes with a price, Rumpelstiltskin pops in and tells her that he doesn’t make the rules and Regina will have to pay up. Emma says screw you, I can do it myself and does.

Rumpelstiltskin is another reason I watch this show. Robert Carlyle is a lot of fun to watch in this role. While most people know him from Trainspotting or The Full Monty, my favorite film of his is the lesser known Ravenous, where he plays cannibal Colonel Ives, a soldier during the Civil War. If you can take great acting, smart dialogue, and a bloody mess, put it on your Netflix list or however you view films.

The dark fairy, who is some kind of demon, is really cool. I’m surprised this show has never won an Emmy for special effects, although they’ve been nominated. The demon starts zapping Robin Hood, but the whole group steps in to take the zap, and shows us that we can succeed if we work together. This show is pretty corny, but the corn is tolerable because of the context.

Rumpel gives Dark Emma a huge cornball speech about love and friendship, but says she can fix all that with Excalibur. Of course she can’t take it out of the stone, so they’ll have to kidnap find someone who can.

Fear the Walking Dead

Travis and Madison start packing supplies and are going to find Nick and Griselda. Daniel wants to kill Andrew because they don’t need him anymore, but even I think that’s a bad idea. He seems to be on their side, they outnumber him anyway and if they’re going break into the hospital, or whatever it is, they’ll need him. Andrew makes sense in telling them he’s only been nice to them, even before Daniel skinned his arm. They leave him alive and behind because he’s an expendable character and the car is at capacity anyway.

They drive through the gate at the Army base. The troops in the watchtower tell Daniel to halt or they’ll shoot, but he tells them to save their ammunition. Right behind him is a Times Square on New Year’s Eve level hoard of zombies. This distracts them while they walk right in, although I’m not sure how Daniel avoided getting eaten between the gate and the watchtower.

Nick and the Allstate guy are still in confinement.  There’s a huge commotion outside and Nick shows Allstate that he has the key. It looks like the zombies are getting in, the troops are evacuating and they’re leaving the sick behind. Travis, Madison and Daniel have gone inside to look for Nick and Griselda while Alicia and Chris are left in the parking garage with the car. Do their parents really think this is safe???

Nick walks out with Allstate, leaving everyone behind who’s begging for them to let them out. I expect this from Allstate, who seems like a grifter, but would have thought better of Nick. Some Army guys want the car from Chris and Alicia. Even though she gives them the keys, they act like a-holes and punch Chris out when he protests their a-holeness. More disappointment. Mostly because why does a random group of men always end up being misogynistic and violent on these shows?

There’s a lot of chaos with the zombies and the soldiers and the helicopters. Some guy gets his head chopped off by some helicopter blades. Nice. Also reminiscent of both Dawn of the Dead and Planet Terror. I’m never sure if something is an homage or there are just so many ways you can kill someone.

Part of the zombie hoard is after Nick and Allstate. Travis and company have made it into the quarantine area. The people in confinement tell them that Nick is a bastard who left them there to die, but at least these guys have the decency to break them free. Nick and Allstate are stuck between a locked door and a zombie crowd (karma), with Travis and the rest (here, on Gilligan’s Isle!) on the other side of the door.This is a pretty good scene. Very exciting and intense. Liza comes along and is able to open the door with her keycard at the very last millisecond. After which they’re promptly attacked by zombies in the hospital kitchen. Lots of fun props like meat tenderizers to kill zombies with.

Did Nick just say Allstate’s name was Rand or…it’s Strand, but I think I’ll stick with Allstate. I kind of like it. Dr. Exner is staying behind with the sick, which is pretty noble. Especially since she seemed like a real tool. Allstate suggests they go West where he has some property. They come across a mass funeral pyre, no doubt composed (no pun intended) of whoever died at the infirmary. The soldiers took the SUV, but Chris and Alicia are okay. See? That was a gratuitous nasty moment with those guys. Andrew shows up and shoots Ofelia. WTF? I take back all the nice stuff I said about him. On the bright side, pacifist Travis finally waves his aggression flag and beats the ever-lovin’ crap out of Andrew.

They get a truck and a car somehow and head on down the highway, where they see the occasional straggler zombie. (How come it isn’t zomby anyway?) They get to Allstate’s house that looks more like a compound. Nice spread. Nick tries to be a philosopher and I go to sleep.

Commercial Break. Sometimes I wish I played video games. They’ll show a clip from what I think looks like a really awesome movie, and then I find out it’s a video game. This one was for HALO5. Just what I’d need though. Another electronic device that I’m attached to.

Allstate says they can’t stay and that “the only way to survive a mad world is to embrace the madness.” He has a yacht out back and methinks they will be boarding it. Uh-oh, Liza has a bite. Liza (who is also Travis’s ex and Chris’s mother) asks Madison to shoot her. Just when we think she will, Travis shows up. His optimism is back and he thinks she can just take something for it, but that’s a no. Madison gives Travis the gun and another expendable character bites the dust.

Oh no. Don’t let it end this way. With some poetic song playing loudly in the background as Travis goes through angst on the beach and Madison joins him while the waves crash over their knees. No, no, no, no. It was just getting good.

Only 6 episodes? They saved the best for last, but I’m not sure if it’s enough to save the show and get it another season.

BTW, Frank Dillane, the actor who plays Nick, is the son of Stephen Dillane, Stannis on Game of Thrones.

Oct3

October 2, 2015 — Twice the GH & Zombie Plants

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital – Thursday

Morgan tries to physically restrain Ava from taking Avery, but a cop shows up. Court order, dude. And Judge Judy doesn’t care about your feelings or what you think. Valerie makes up something to cover for what Lulu overheard.

Anna is recruiting Sam to help with the Sonny shooting since she knows it can’t be Carrrlos, and Nathan is discussing Ava with Paul. Apparently, Sloane has a first name, but I missed it and they’ll probably never repeat it again. Sam tries to argue the Carrrlos point, and Anna says she has “information” that it’s not him. That’s an understatement.

Some college kid that Dillon has hired to be a production assistant is filming a “behind the scenes” documentary. Like anyone would care about this film. Dillon sees Lulu instead of Maxie when they film the love scene. He spaces out and they take a break. Whoa. Maxie really looked half naked there.

Morgan continues to act like an idiot, but Sonny’s surgery is over, so it’s time to take the idiocy back to the hospital where they can upset the staff and patients. Patrick says that the embolism already did its damage by the time they got to it, but it’s too early to tell what the prognosis is (say that 3 times real fast).

Paul shows up at Ava’s. Ha-ha! Baby Avery is playing with Ava’s earrings again. Seriously, she’s going to have to switch to studs for a while. Paul says Anna is wise to the fact that Carrrlos didn’t shoot Sonny, but doesn’t exactly say why. They then move on to more important things, like Patrick’s proposal to Sam.

It’s funny how the characters on GH call it GH.

Valerie is such a jerk. Someone set her up with Morgan. Now he did it. Dillon said “Lulu” instead of Maxie’s character name in his film. He tells Maxie about his love for Lulu, who says she’ll keep it to herself, and gives him a mini pep talk. Oddly enough, Nathan is having the same conversaion with Valerie about Dante.

ROFL! Valerie shows up at Dillon’s set and he says “something came up,” so he sent everyone home for the day. No comment. Valerie kisses him because she can’t have Dante.

Yay! Looks like Franco is on next time.

General Hospital – Friday

Lulu says she’s staying home to oversee Dante. She doesn’t know the half of it.

My favorites! Franco and Nina! Kiki is apparently trying to sell Silas’s old place and they walk in when the realtor is going on about how she should lower the price because a murder was committed there and it will be hard to sell. Really? Highly doubtful, especially in Port Charles where a murder is committed every other day.

Sam has created a romantic atmosphere in Patrick’s living room using many candles. You can tell these people don’t have pets. She holds up a “Yes, I’ll marry you sign.” Why doesn’t she just tell him?

The PA walks in on Dillon and Valerie making out. After he leaves, stupid Valerie spills the beans that she’s just been using Dillon and is in love with someone else. Dillon asks if it’s Dante. Dillon says it’s ok, he loves someone else too. Suddenly, Valerie is extremely smart and perceptive, and guesses that it’s Lulu. Valerie is also rocking a very nice tit-dyed trapeze top.

Honestly, I need some kind of family tree chart to keep who’s related to whom straight. Dante tells Lulu he’s worried about his brother, Morgan, but I think he’s worried about more than that. Lulu says it will all work out. I wasn’t crazy about this actress at first, but she’s grown on me and I like her.

Franco is worried about Kiki because she hasn’t returned his calls and she’s in her PJs is in the middle of the afternoon. She gives him a song and dance about having gotten a job in Japanese investments, so she works at night. I don’t believe it and I don’t think Franco does either.

Maxie is able to convince Nathan that nothing is going on between her and Dillon, but says she’ll have to keep what she and Dillon talked about to herself. Nathan isn’t thrilled with that, but says he has a secret too that he’s keeping to himself.

Hmm…Kiki says she has to get ready for work and Franco says they’ll wait and can all go out together. I’m guessing, unless she’s commuting to NYC, you would do that sort of job online.

Ugh! The “just one kiss” phrase is back. Dillon tells Valerie that the “spark” with Lulu is still there and she says ditto about Dante. This confuses me about their definition of spark. Whenever I’ve heard that word used in that context, it’s a reciprocal thing. Are they just sparking by themselves?  Valerie says at least Dillon didn’t act on his spark. Then Dillon says that phrase I’ve come to hate, and Valerie is all humana-humana. She’s going to tell him, isn’t she? What is wrong with these people that they can’t keep a damn thing to themselves? I’m guessing Maxie and Nathan are going to tell their secrets to each other too.

Nina wants to move in with Franco, but he’s hesitant because he’s broke. Nina isn’t and says she’d like to use the money for good, since so much bad has come from it. Lovey dovey stuff, which is okay with me because I really like them. Kiki shows back up, but IMO, still not dressed appropriately for a job in investments. I used to work in investments, but maybe things have changed or it’s casual Friday.

Ha-ha! Lulu is giving Dante a back massage and tells him to just think about nothing. That should be pretty easy for him. Dillon isn’t buying that Valerie and Dante just had…you know. O…M…G. Valerie just told him that she slept with Dante. Take my advice, people, if you want to keep something a secret, don’t tell everyone. I’d check her Facebook status if I could. If she really cared that much about him, I don’t think she’d be blabbing about this. Oooh, I wonder if she’ll end up pregnant. Now that she opened her big mouth, she’s worried because Dillon is friends with Lulu. She couldn’t have thought about that 3 minutes ago?

Oh wow! Their whole conversation was just filmed by the stray camera that got left on.

Obama hates me. Once again, they broke in at the last second. I don’t even know if that was the end of the show or what. Bush hated me too. It seems like whenever these guys have something to say, it’s always at the tail end of the show I’m watching. Heaving huge sigh. At least Z Nation is on tonight.

Z Nation

Weirdest. Greenhouse. Ever. When they said there were zombies in the z-weed, I thought they were ground up or something, but the zombies are part of the plants. (I’d also thought they said “seaweed.) It’s part zombie, part plant. It’s also kind of tough to harvest the seed pods, since everyone who goes in gets bit and turned into another zombie. There’s also a huge zombie plant that’s bigger and tougher than your normal zombie plant.

Murphy and Cassandra are at the lab where a scientist, who’s probably just a smart guy in a lab coat, is using various zombie parts for tests. Weirdest. Lab. Ever. Too. And that includes the one in The Brain That Wouldn’t Die. The dude realizes Murphy is Murphy.  Some woman volunteers to go in for the seed pods. She doesn’t make it too far before she’s being accosted by a zombie plant. Operation Bite Mark steps in and saves her. They’ve shown up looking for Murphy. She’s scratched up though, so I don’t know how good that is. She has a bond with a little girl who isn’t hers, but both of their families are dead. The girl isn’t doing so well; she has a fever of some kind.

The scientist came along after the place had been overrun by zombies. They had been working on a vaccine and found z-weed in the meantime, which turned out to be a lucrative endeavor. Via the notes left behind, the scientist believes the latest batch, #47, will be what they’re looking for. All of the previous batches have gone awry. Murphy goes with him into the greenhouse where he’s able to hypnotize the zombie plants.  This greenhouse is pretty creepy.

Citizen Z is learning Spanish on his iPad. Pup is okay! The woman harvester has a truck with a radio and Addy calls in. Citizen Z is using solar power and he’s losing the light, so they get cut off, but not before Addy tells Citizen Z that Murphy’s alive and he gives her the coordinates of the lab in California where they’re supposed to be taking him.

The first dose of batch 47 on a zombie head causes it to explode; the second, lower dosage does nothing; but the third gets the result they’re looking for – a cognizant zombie head. While OBM is discussing how they’re going to get Murphy back, he comes in behind them and tells them they don’t need to go to California, that the cure is right there, if they can only harvest it. Since bullets don’t kill plants, they bring garden tools. Doc takes the garden weasel.

Murphy has some kind of special connection to the plants and can feel what they do. He says all the zombie plants are interconnected and you can’t kill one without killing all of them. Murphy and Roberta will do the harvesting while Doc has déjà vu. The big ass zombie plant is part of batch 47 and gets really, really pissed when they pick his pods. And thus comes the ohshitohshitohshit moment of the night. Murphy gets entangled in the plant, Roberta cuts him free and all zombie plant hell breaks loose.

Running away from the greenhouse, Murphy runs into Dr. Kurian, whose search for immortality started the whole mess. Apparently, a cartel had funded him and is now after him. Oops! Here they are.

Hector, Escorpion to his friends, shows up with his posse.  He apparently buys z-weed on a regular basis. He’s not all that keen on the sideline of finding a cure, especially since they keep losing employees and it costs him money. He decides to test the last of the 47, using the scientist as a guinea pig and it doesn’t go well. He turns into a zombie and Hector shoots him. One of Hector’s henchmen drags in Dr. Kurian out from wherever he’s hiding and throws him in the car trunk.

Before they leave, the cartel guys are going to burn the place down. Murphy runs to save the zombie plants, who he claims have feelings, but only ends up entangled in the giant zombie plant, who doesn’t have as many feelings as Murphy thinks,and we get another free-for-all with OBM trying to save Murphy and themselves. The roots of the plant get entangled in an industrial fan and bye-bye giant zombie plant. Before they get the hell out of Dodge, Doc gives the little girl some plant leaves to chew, thinking it might help her. I’d like to think something might come of that later, but this was such an insignificant part of the plot, I’d be surprised if it did.

On their way out of town, OBM and Murphy see a blonde in the road. It turns out to be Serina, who was a Murphy groupie last season. She’s pregnant and guess who the daddy is?

Best quote of the night: “And to think we were worried about genetically modified tomatoes.” Murphy

Second best quote of the night: “Marijuana,  zombies & GMOs. What could go wrong?” Doc

Oct1

September 30, 2015 — Farewell September — GH & Lots of LA

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

General Hospital

Running a little late. I come in to Morgan asking Ava not to fight for custody of her own daughter. At least she changed clothes. She’s now rocking a nice black and white body con dress, and another pair of cool earrings. I somehow think Morgan is the wrong guy to send on this mission.

Dillon is going to star in and direct his own film. Does he think he’s Clint Eastwood? Maxie practices the love scene with Nathan. Like this will help him be less jealous.

Dante needs to go back to detective school and/or math class.  He seems to have difficulty putting 2 and 2 together. He also seems to have difficulty not being chummy with Valerie.

Paul confronts Anna with the Carrrlos information and it’s fun watching her squirm. Anna says blah-blah-blah to Paul, trying to cover her tracks. I don’t think he’s buying it. She claims she had some other conflicts with Sloane and that’s why he’s trying to set her up. She says that it’s an unrequited love thing, and asks if Sloane had any proof. Paul makes a soap opera face.

Morgan admits to being a huge baby, hoping to win Ava over. Her consolation prize for handing Avery over will be him moving in. So instead of cleaning up after a real baby, she’ll get to clean up after a baby man. I don’t think this is a fair trade. Morgan asks if she “can’t do this one thing” for him. She tells him she’ll do anything for love, but she won’t do that. I don’t blame her. It’s not like he’s the ideal guy, especially when he’s in a manic phase. Did he get to that doctor yet? I’m thinking, no.

Even though Anna asked a really stupid question, Paul tells her that there’s no concrete proof. Anna tells Paul he shouldn’t waste his time with Sloane and he tells her that’s not a problem, since Sloane is dead. Ok, he didn’t add that last part, but he thought it in a flashback.

Dillon isn’t over Maxie and she catches him talking to himself about it. Uh-oh. Lulu just walked in on Valerie professing her love for Dante. This ought to lead to some questions.

Ava shows up to get Avery and we’re out.

Little Women LA

Tonya and Terra are planning Elena’s bachelorette weekend while discussing Brianna. It just so happens, at the exact same time in TV land, Brianna is visiting with Elena. Elena wants her at the party, even though the last time the ladies got together it didn’t go well.

Christy is out shopping with Autumn, her teenage daughter from a previous relationship. They both have surgeries coming up – Christy for her neck and Autumn for her legs. The leg surgery sounds like a nightmare. She’ll need to have her legs broken and reassembled. Autumn is concerned that if Christy gets pregnant, she won’t be able to look after her. This is a surprise to both Christy and me, since she’s never brought it up before. Kind of late in the game, since Christy and Todd have been trying to have a baby for two seasons.

Bikinis, booze and best friends are all Terra says you need for a great weekend. Sounds good to me. Elena is a little conservative and Terra thinks you can’t have a bachelorette party without penises and strippers. Um…I did.

The girls all go to Palm Springs, where they’ve rented a place. A gorgeous place. Brianna makes a good point in that when something bothers the other girls, they throw it at her rather than discussing it with her. Brianna has a secret too, something that’s stressing her out. Is she secretly married? Is she pregnant? What?

Elena springs the news that they’re going to have the vow renewal in Russia where she’s from. This doesn’t go over too big. Most people who have destination events don’t pick Russia. Although, it’s not as awful as you might think. When I was in high school, I took a trip there with some other Russian history students and we had a blast. And this was before the Iron Curtain came down. She’s just kidding, it’s going to be in Hawaii.

The girls get gussied up and go to a club called Toucan’s. Terra promised no strippers, but she didn’t promise there wouldn’t be drag queens. Elena gets pulled on stage to dance, but says she’s not drunk enough yet. So everyone does a shot. Now they’re all up and dancing. I’d totally get into going to this place. Back at the house and pool, Christy says she’s glad she’s sober when everyone is getting silly with a hot dog float. Brianna passes on the drinking and the pool party because she doesn’t want it to turn into a drunken brawl. Can I have her spot?

The next day they go to a humongous grocery store to get supplies for a barbeque. Jasmine tries to explain why Brianna is so upset, and that Brianna feels the others don’t really care about her. After all, they’re making this huge fuss over Elena, who’s married already, and aren’t even acknowledging Brianna’s engagement to Matt. Christy and Brianna have stayed behind and are having a confab. Brianna says she’s totally happy with Matt, and feels that she’s being attacked rather than supported. A few episodes ago, we’d found out that Matt sent nakey pics to another girl. Not that he deserves a prize for that, but they were broken up at the time, so I don’t get what the big deal is.

The ladies are boozing it up at home and playing some kind of truth game that involves a lot of sexual questions. ♫ La-la-la! ♫ Ok, I am really listening. Brittney starts weeping about her ex that cheated on her and is still calling her. I don’t think this is how you’re supposed to play this game. Time to eat.

Nice spread, but when is Brianna revealing that secret? Oh, that would be now. YES! I was right! She’s already married. I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

Commercial break. They always tease me with these Lifetime movies that look so good. This time it’s the 90210 movie. Lifetime always sucks me in and then the movies end up sucking. Even when they’re good, the endings always suck.

In her individual interview segment, Terra wonders what else Brianna’s been keeping to herself, since this is so huge. Jasmine already knew, but she’s the only one who’s been supportive. Everyone else is either shocked and/or offended, but I don’t get why. They’ve never liked Matt and have been rather vocal about that. I might have done the same thing in her position. One on one, Elena tells Brianna that she doesn’t know what to say and that Brianna’s timing is atrocious. She might be right with that one, since it was supposed to be her weekend.

I can’t wait to see Elena’s “wedding” dress. They showed a glimpse on the preview and it looks amazing.

Million Dollar Listing LA

Josh A. is all impressed with a house by architect Wallace Neff, but it looks industrial to me and it’s probably one of the few houses I haven’t been that thrilled with. The sellers want a buyer who’s not going to tear it down. Um…it’s not Grey Gardens.

Commercial break. I cannot wait for The People’s Couch to return. It’s one of the funniest shows on TV. I’d also like to know how I can get on it.

After throwing the huge Burning Man party and generating a lot of interest, David and James can’t get back onto the property to show it to anyone. They finally track down the owner’s father, who tells them his son is in Russia. (Lots of Russia going on tonight.) He also informs them that if they can’t get full asking price, his son is going to move in to the house. What they figure that means is, he doesn’t really want to sell it and has disappeared for the duration. David and James gain access to the house, but the ridiculous price is a turn off to the buyers. The house is $9,995,000. I hate when it’s not a round number. It reminds me of how things are priced for $9.99, like I don’t round that to ten bucks in my head.

Josh F. is making a video about one of the properties he’s selling. He pretty much stinks as a narrator and I’m surprised. I understand that he might not want to detract from the video tour, but he could show just a little more enthusiasm. He’s having exclusive showings for brokers, but everyone shows up all at once, so it turns out to be a not so exclusive open house instead.

James gets a gold star in my book when he says he works hard, but his wife works ten times harder staying home with the kids. That’s right. Being a mother is a job and not an easy one. No vacations or sick days for at least the first 18 years either. That’s why I don’t have kids. They have a really cute house that’s surprisingly not very ostentatious.

Josh A. is showing the Neff house and some guy says it would be great for his son to play hide and seek in. Would he like to adopt an older child? One of the buyers (who will be tearing it down) offers half a million over asking price, but wants the deal done in two hours or the offer is withdrawn. This sounds so stupid, that I’m thinking it must be a set up by Bravo.

The sellers aren’t keen on the buyer being a developer. The guy also says he doesn’t like a gun being held to his head either. I’m with him on that. An architect lover has also made an offer, but this time it’s under asking. The sellers decide to go for the money. Good choice. Seriously, it’s not Grey Gardens.

What’s kind of amazing is how young these guys are and how they’ve been plugging away at this since they were 12, and now they’re skabillionaires. When I was their age, I didn’t know what was going on. Hell, I don’t know now.

Oh Lord, one of Josh F.’s buyers has a man bun. I hear that contributes to baldness. Good. Guys need to stop wearing those.

David is growing a beard and I’m really glad because I can’t tell the difference between him and James. Both of them are recovering alcoholics too, which they discuss openly, so I’m not gossiping here, but it’s one more way I can’t tell them apart. They remind me of the twins Jeremy Irons played in Dead RIngers, except a lot cheerier. The broker who couldn’t get in to the property last week with James shows up for round 2, but isn’t pleased that there’s no wiggle room on the price. I fail to see why, when you’re paying millions, another $230,000 makes or breaks a real estate purchase. Sure enough, her client wants the house anyway.

Ooh, there’s going to be a mermaid in next week’s episode!

And Vanderpump Rules is back soon! Gratuitous shots of Giggy!

Sep30

September 29, 2015 — GH, Some Soap, Renewing Vows & Sorority Sisters

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What I Watched Today

(random, rambling thoughts on today’s TV)

 

General Hospital

No matter how many years these people live, they’re never going to understand that when doctors are working on an emergency, you really shouldn’t get in their way.

Poor Carrrlos. He lives on in scapegoat spirit anyway. Ha-ha! Anna is walking around like a zombie, because she knows the truth, and Sloane just used her pic on his phone as a coaster. Nicholas continues to amaze me in that I kind of like him now, after years of thinking of him as wallpaper. Hayden has brought a lot out in him, like sleaziness and cunning, but also his fun side. I really hope they stay together and wreak havoc on Port Charles.

Paul makes a “Hmmm…” face when Michael tells him that Ava said Carrrlos was the shooter. I don’t know if it’s “Hmmm…why didn’t I think of that?” or “Hmmm…I’m going to kill her for not doing what I said.” And why did Paul act surprised when the charges against Julian for conspiracy were brought up? As DA and the new crime boss, he should be up-to-date on that, especially since he wants to blame Julian for everything.

I start getting anxious whenever I see the words, “breaking news” now.

Is Ava going to change her clothes today? When was the last time she had a shower? Julian isn’t buying that Ava is replacing him at the mob table out of the goodness of her heart.  Now Sloane is drunkenly harassing Hayden and Nicholas while they’re eating dinner at The Floating Rib. He’s looking a little better now that they fixed his hair.

Back at the Asian restaurant (Noodle Buddha?), “Jake” and Sam have renewed their vows. Sam says she’s ready to leave Jason behind. Oh boy, does she have a surprise coming. Although I wouldn’t want to hang as long as it’s taking to come.  Sam does a whole riff on the figurines and decides to leave them at the restaurant.

The blood clot traveled to Sonny’s brain. Maurice Benard’s contract is up and he hasn’t signed a new one yet, so we’ll see how the next surgery goes.

Paul is going blah-blah-blah at Anna when Sloane calls and insists on speaking with him. Looks like he’s going to spill Anna’s beans about Carrrlos. I was almost liking him, but unless he’s going to say he did it, that’s pretty low. Nope, he’s not. Now Paul is staring at Anna with laser beam eyes. I’ll bet he’s not going to have her arrested though. He’s probably going to use this info to his advantage. And didn’t Sloane’s name/number pop up on the precinct’s caller ID? Although it does look like they have a phone from the 70s. Times is tough everywhere.

Ava tells Julian she’s always dreamed about running the organization, which is news to me and probably everyone else. “Every little girl’s dream,” Julian says. Hey, it beats pushing a baby carriage. Julian says he should probably find a new place to live. He should have found a new place ages ago. Aren’t these two in their 40s? Why are they living together anyway?

Paul meets with Sloan who gives him a key to the safe deposit box where Carrrlos’s ID and wallet are, along with the gun that shot him. I could have sworn they just pushed him into the river, but okay. Paul then shoots Sloane. That was quick. I don’t know what a great mob boss he’s going to make. He probably should have verified that first. What if the only thing in the box is Sloane’s dirty underwear?

As Sonny is prepped for surgery, the burning question in all of our minds is, how much of a raise did he ask for?

If Loving You Is Wrong

If you love old school soap opera, this one’s for you. While The Haves & The Have Nots is more reminiscent of Dallas or Dynasty, If Loving You Is Wrong is more the Ryan’s Hope of the Tyler Perry dramas. The opening credits hearken back to the soaps of the 70s, with romantic shots of the main characters. They all live on the same street, which makes it easy for them to get into each other’s business. The street set is wonderful. The houses look almost cartoonish, all painted in bright colors with gingerbread trim. It also reminds me of the old lonely hearts comic books that I used to sneak into the house when I was a kid.

The new season just started, so it’s easy to catch up. It’s not like this is rocket science.

Alex is married to Brad, but had an affair with Randal. Randal is married to Marcie. There was a big whoop-de-do when the affair was revealed by Marcie at Brad’s surprise birthday party. It was a surprise all right. At the end of last season Brad was furious, Alex just had a baby, Marcie became a drunk and Randal was still trying to get into Alex’s pants. Not in the delivery room, but I wouldn’t have been surprised. I’m not sure what she sees in him, since he’s annoying and a bit intimidating, but he does have a rockin’ bod. In today’s episode, we finally saw the baby, and yep, it’s Randal’s. I forgot to mention that Randal is African American; Alex and Brad are both Caucasian.

Kelly lives next door to Alex and Brad. She’s a single mother, but bought the house in anticipation of getting married to Travis. He was on some mission in a foreign country, but when he came back, he was engaged to someone else. He says he still loves Kelly and wants to be with her, so obviously there’s a piece missing to this puzzle. His mother appears to wield some power over him as well. He also seems a little off, but I don’t know if there’s something to that or it’s just me. Kelly is playing with him, trying to hurt him, but I think she really still loves him.

Edward is a dirty cop who used to be with Esperanza, but he’s also a bully and needs to know what she’s doing every waking moment, which is why they broke up. They can’t seem to leave each other alone though.

Lushion is a good cop who was partners with Edward. Edward had also been in Afghanastan, and Lushion suggested PTSD is Edward’s problem, but Edward shrugged it off, acted like an a-hole, and is now being investigated by the department. Lushion is also in love with Natalie, and the two of them are the voices of reason on the show. Joey is Natalie’s son, who works at a burger place (Natalie is the manager), but has dabbled with gangs who are now after him. The burger place was totally shot up last season.

That should bring you up to speed.

My Fab 40th

The party planner is making 15 grand? I missed my calling. This show is all about rich people’s problems. I guess a lot of them are, but it would be nice to see some people who can’t afford to drop 100k on a birthday party. Where’s the Loud family when you need them?

The couple in this episode (it’s her birthday) are New Yorkers, but if I didn’t know that, I’d swear they were from Los Angeles. They don’t act like any New Yorkers I know. Maybe they got gentrified along with the neighborhood they live in. This party is basically a re-do of their wedding because the original happened when they weren’t so flush. Both of them are lawyers, but threw their degrees in the air to start an urban celebrity gossip website. Obviously it did well.

Al Sharpton officiates at the vow renewal ceremony. Every time I see him, I worry about his health. He really looks like he lost too much weight and now his head is too huge for his body.

Below Deck

Eww! Emile “has feelings for” Rocky. Because he’s 12. Eddie wonders what’s wrong with Emile. For one thing, he can’t hold his liquor. (It’s the crew’s night off.)

Eddie’s having problems with his long distance relationship, and his girlfriend keeps contacting her ex. Connie and Rocky get weird with some whipped cream and leave a mess. Eddie leaves a note that the yacht isn’t a frat house. Oddly enough, the next charter’s two primary guests, Bryn and Stacy, are sorority sisters. It’s some kind of reunion.

The guests decide on finger food for lunch, and like Kate says, “We all know how Leon likes change.” Leon has already made a load of hot food, and despite Kate’s really good suggestions on how to turn it into hors d’oeuvres, he starts grumbling and won’t shut up.

The deck hands are making stupid mistakes, and Captain Lee says he has a low tolerance for stupid. Me too. He calls them all to the wheelhouse and pretty much tells them to shape up or ship out.

Chef Leon is “taking a breather” (where? he’s on a boat), and Rocky is going to cook dinner for the crew. This might turn out to be one of those too many cooks situations. The kitchen isn’t that big. Ha-ha! Kate says gazpacho is another word for laziness. Maybe I should try making some, since I’m admittedly a lazy cook. Holy! Rocky just served the crew raw chicken. She must have taken cooking lessons from my maternal grandmother.

The guests want mini cheeseburger sliders and cream cheese brownies for late night snacking. No surprise, this pisses Leon off. Because he has to cook. I have finally found someone lazier than I am in the kitchen. When I’m being paid, I can be quite industrious. Man, I’m even more creative than this guy.

My second eww! of the show – primary guest Stacy is washing down a brownie with a beer. No. Just no.

My second no surprise too. She’s severely hungover the next morning.

It’s time to dock. This is probably the most difficult thing to accomplish, worse than parallel parking in NYC. The crew manages to do it without anyone getting fired. Even though Stacy is still nursing her hangover, she manages to give the captain the tip. BTW, the tip is always split evenly, which seems kind of unfair, but it is what it is. Twelve large this week.

Emile continues to embarrass himself with Rocky. Because he’s 12. Rocky passes him a note. Because she’s 14.

Wow. It looks like it’s going to be a real sh*tstorm next week.