Category Archives: general hospital

April 18, 2016 — GH, the Charmless South & Mad Dallas Wives

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital 

Scene replay of Griff seeing Nathan propose to Maxie. Maxie says last time she thought Nathan was proposing, she was wrong and looked like a fool. He says she’s never looked anything except beautiful and this time it’s real.

Nina tells Franco she had a discussion with her brother and she came to a decision about the two of them. Franco is like, great! but she tells him don’t say that yet.

Kristina calls out Max for spying on her. He says both Sonny and he are concerned about her. She asks if he told Sonny everything. Max says he left out certain specifics and just gave him a general report, adding that she shouldn’t underestimate Sonny. Kristina thanks him. Sonny comes in and says he wants to talk to Kristina about her future.

Sam comes over to Alexis’s house. Alexis shows her the headline about Carrrlos being apprehended.

Carrrlos tells Julian to bring a lawyer when he comes. A good one.

Anna tells Paul it will be interesting to see what Carrrlos’s lawyer says. Paul says take the deal and rat out Julian. Jordan joins them and tells Paul that she’s busting him.

Franco says he loves Nina. She says when Dr. Lee told her that she can never conceive, she was heartbroken, but he looked relieved. She says she’s sorry for jumping on him, but her mother took away 20 years of her life and her baby, and made sure she’d never have another one. She says she’s not going to lose again and she’s not walking away from him.

Maxie tells Nathan…nothing. She calls over to Griff and introduces Nathan to him. Griff stammers and shakes Nathan’s hand. I’m intrigued. Who is Nathan to him?

Kristina says her future by definition is up to her. Sonny says since she was suspended form school, she needs something to occupy her time. He wants her to be his office assistant and says she’ll be financially contributing to her own education as well, and be more likely to take it seriously. Kristina says Alexis would never allow her to work for Sonny, but Sonny says it’s just the opposite, that she’s encouraging it.

Paul tells Jordan that coming after him might have an adverse affect on her career. She asks if that’s a threat. He says that obviously Anna is out of sorts because Sonny caught Carrrlos instead of her, and Jordan should take some time off to decompress. Jordan says he aided and abetted Carrrlos and he’s going to jail right behind him.

Julian says he’ll see to it that Carrrlos has the best attorney. Carrrlos tells him he’s only ever cared about himself and tells him about the deal. Julian tells him not to take it and Carrrlos says he has no desire to help Paul, but if Julian can’t get him out, he might have to take the deal. He says the lawyer better care as much about saving him as Julian cares about himself.

Alexis says Julian thought Carrrlos would never come back and she can just imagine what he’s telling the police right now. Sam asks what she’s going to do.

Franco says that’s not what he expected. Nina says she’s not dumping him, but reserves dumping rights. She says Nathan pointed out he cognitive dissidence of her not being forthcoming about everything. Franco translates that to mean that she went to the doctor behind his back. He adds that he’s going to have words with Nathan, because nobody talks to his girlfriend like that.

Griff says he has to get back to the hospital. Maxie tells Nathan that Griff’s father is Duke. Nathan says he didn’t know that and Griff says Duke didn’t either. Nathan hopes Carrrlos’s capture will give him some peace. Griff isn’t sure what he means by that, and Maxie says no matter what, someone is going to have Carrrlos’s head.

Sonny says if Kristina works for him, she’ll get to know him better. He wants them to have an open and honest relationship. Kristina says she does too and there’s something he needs to know.

Alexis tells Sam she loves Julian, but he chose to live a different life. She says now he’s changed his ways and she’d hate to see him paying for what’s in the past. Sam says there’s a difference between love and support, and if Julian gets slammed, it’s because of his choices not hers. Alexis says it’s her choice to stay by his side.

Julian comes in and says he wants to talk to Alexis, so Sam leaves. Julian tells her everything they’ve feared has come to pass.

Paul says he had nothing to do with Carrrlos’s escape and Jordan has no proof. Au contraire, she says; she has proof about the body that was fished from the river. Paul says if that’s all she has, she’d better start cleaning out her desk because Lomax is going to have her head. Anna says it’s not all she has, Jordan has her. D’oh!

Nina says Nathan is the reason she came back. He’s not crazy about Franco’s past transgressions, but knows how happy he makes Nina. She says she wanted love, a career and a baby, but two out of three isn’t bad. She says she needed to take a couple steps back to realize she has Franco and that should be enough. He says he’ll make it his life work to show her that just the two of them can be fulfilling. Nina says let’s blow this joint.

Griff leaves. Nathan thinks something is off about him. He tells Maxie that she left him hanging. She says she was in the middle of discussing something with Griff. He says he’d like an answer, but Maxie looks for the waitress. He tells her if she doesn’t want to marry him, he understands. She says the proposal seems less about her than about Nathan getting over his ex-wife.

Max interrupts and says Griff is there to see Sonny. Kristina takes the opportunity to jet and says all she wanted to say is that she likes tea better than coffee. Griff asks Sonny what his intentions are for Carrrlos.

Julian tells Alexis he was putting off telling her about Carrrlos. He didn’t want her to feel obligated to stay. She says she’s staying. Julian tells her there’s a deal on the table. Alexis says she’ll start preparing his defense. He says Carrrlos isn’t taking the deal because his lawyer is going to convince him not to. Alexis asks what lawyer that is, and Julian says her.

Anna says she can back everything up and tells Jordan that Paul murdered Sloane.

Sam meets Kristina in the park. Kristina tells her about the job with Sonny and tells her it’s mom approved. Sam agrees that it will be a good bonding experience. Kristina says unless Sonny finds out Parker is a woman.

Sonny says if he had his way Carrrlos wouldn’t be in custody. Griff says he’ll answer for what he did to Duke and appreciates that Sonny didn’t just bump him off. He says he doesn’t want any more blood spilled in his father’s name. He asks Sonny what happens if Carrrlos goes free.

Paul acts all shocked that Anna would accuse him of killing a federal agent. Jordan says there’s no motive for killing Sloane and Anna tells her about Paul’s daughter. Anna says Carrrlos saw it and that’s why he had leverage over Paul.

Julian says he never wanted to pull Alexis in, but it happened. Yep, just like that out of the blue.

Nina suggests a vacation somewhere tropical and private. She’s already booked it. Franco says he’s all for spontaneity if the timing is right. Nina says it’s perfect, but Franco says what about Kiki? He tells Nina she was released and he doesn’t think she should be alone. Nina says Kiki has a capable mother and she’s not a kid anymore. Franco says she’s his kid. Nina says she gets it now. He doesn’t want a kid with her because he already has one and one is enough.

Maxie says how can she not connect the dots? Nathan says she’s right. It is about Claudette, but not in the way she thinks. He says he’s been thinking about the time he wasted with Claudette and how it’s different with Maxie, and that they’re working on something real. He says Maxie gives him everything he wants without a second thought, while Claudette gave him nothing. He asks for her answer again.

Sam says she can’t believe Kristina left out the most interesting part about Parker. Kristina says she should have known she could trust Sam. Sam asks why she’s avoiding Sonny. Kristina says what he doesn’t know won’t kill him and Sam says what he doesn’t know won’t bring them closer together. Sam tells Kristina about Stone and how he had AIDS, and how Sonny treated him well, even though other people were afraid back then. She mentions Robin too. Kristina says she’s still confused and Sam tells her to go out and experience life.

Maxie tells Nathan yes, and they kiss.

Nina wants to leave and tells Franco to give her a reason to stay. She says to stop telling her how important she is and show her. Franco asks if he can’t make things work from there and why do they need to go on vacation? Nina says if it’s not her, it will be someone else. She says it’s never going to be just them, and starts to leave. Franco asks her to stay and she says she’ll send him a postcard.

Paul says the grief form Duke’s death has left Anna delusional. Paul starts getting loud and Jordan says people will be lining up to go against him. He tells her not to forget her friend Anna’s part in it and that he’ll make damn sure Anna goes to jail too.

Griff wants to know if despite the legal outcome no harm will come to Carrrlos. Sonny says it’s not up to him. Griff says even if it’s out of his hands, someone else might do something. He tells Sonny thanks for seeing him and leaves.

Alexis says she can be disbarred if she tries to talk Carrrlos out of the deal. Julian says to get him off them. Alexis says she’ll go get her magic wand. He says just give Carrrlos the best defense possible. She says she’ll take the case, but only because she wants to defend what they have now, not what used to be.

Franco leaves a phone message for Nina and tells her not to give up on them. He says he’ll be waiting when she gets home.

Nina goes to the MetroCourt and sees Maxie and Nathan. Nina congratulates them and says at least someone is happy. They drink champagne.

Sam says Kristina isn’t going to figure anything out sitting around. She needs to go out and meet people. Kristina says something is different about Sam and suddenly realizes Sam must have had sex with Jason. She asks how it was and Sam says she has no complaints. She tells Kristina not to tell Molly or make a big deal out of things. She says they still have a lot to figure out.

Julian is on the phone saying he needs a contingency plan. Sonny comes in and is like, what did you just say?

Jordan says Paul is right; she can’t arrest Paul without arresting Anna. Jordan says she’ll arrest them both and who wants to go first. Anna volunteers, saying she’s willing to face the consequences of her actions. Jordan reads Anna her rights.

Sonny sics Max on Julian.

Carrrlos asks Alexis why she’s there and she tells him she’s his lawyer. She says don’t thank her though, thank Julian.

Sonny tells Max to take Julian to the car. He’s going for a ride. In mob talk, that’s never a good thing.

Tomorrow, Sonny tells Julian it’s his last chance, Alexis tells Carrrlos to turn down the deal and Mayor Lomax is going to fire someone.

Southern Charm

Craig is looking for the hairspray. Naomie tells him it’s in the black box and I wonder if they live in a plane. Even Craig is shocked that he has a job, an apartment and a girlfriend. It’s the start of the new Craig.

Shep FaceTimes with his mom. She asks if he’s keeping his place tidy and he tells her he tried to use furniture polish on the floor and almost killed himself slipping. He’s had his house for six months and wants to put a pool and bar on the roof. His mother is understandably concerned for his well-being.

Craig goes in for his first day working for JD. JD tells him to keep some casual clothes at work in case they have to knock out a wall. Craig thought this was strictly white collar, but apparently a touch of the blue is involved. JD says he’s taking a chance on hiring Craig, although Craig actually does seem to be making an effort.

Cameran comes by Shep’s place. She wonders why he wasn’t answering her texts at 11 am, but he says he only gets up early for surging, duck hunting, skiing and sex. It’s good to have some structure. Cameran tells him if he’s going to work in real estate, he’s going to have to get used to the morning. Cameran thinks he’s not living up to his potential and he’d be good at convincing women to buy houses, since they’re usually the decision makers.

Thomas. Bleh. Kathryn calls Thomas. She’s found a house she likes and wants to drop by with pictures. Thomas wants to keep the peace and avoid any arguments, so he’s being agreeable. Kathryn shows him the pictures and he’s impressed. She says she’s already given her deposit and first month’s rent, but she needs a co-signer. He thinks she should get her own credit established, but if she has no credit, isn’t this one way to do it? She says she wants to make a good life for her children. Since Thomas is always talking about all the great things he wants to do for the kids, she doesn’t want them to be disappointed when they’re at home after being at his place. Thomas gives the okay and says he’ll co-sign.

He asks Kathryn if she wants to come to his polo match with Kensie and go to the beach afterward. She’s not sure about his motives, but says okay. He asks for a hug and I go bleh again.

Patricia is planning her Flamingo Party and meets with a party planner. He brings an entire album of flamingo ideas. What? No PowerPoint presentation? Patricia ordered some baby flamingo floaties for the pool, but didn’t realize they come twelve to a package and ordered twelve, making the total 144. I can’t wait to see the pool.

Cameran says Shep’s dating life consists of one-night stands. She’s out to dinner with him and some hanger-on who looks like Jenny McCarthy and whose name I can never remember.

Landon is playing golf with her dad. Most of her words are bleeped, so I guess she’s not too good at the game. Landon says she’s a daddy’s girl. They go for a drink afterward and agree that it’s their favorite part. He asks what she’s got going on and she says she’d love to open a bar, but right now she’s working on an online magazine about Charleston society. Her father says pick one thing and go with it. Landon says she’s tired of everyone telling her she can’t have 50 dreams. No, Landon, you can, just not all 50 at once. She gets weepy during her individual interview. Millennial much? Her father wants her to be happy, but he’s not handing over any cash. He tells her she’s always landed on her feet, but she needs to make one thing work. He says God protects kids and fools, and she asks which one she is. I’d always heard it was drunks and fools.

Thomas is on the phone with Kathryn when she brings up the Flamingo Party. She wants to know why Patricia is excluding her and he says maybe it was an oversight — even though he knows it wasn’t — but she should be there. He says it’s a reflection on him and he doesn’t want the mother of his children excluded. He says he’ll talk to Patricia.

Craig is having Cameran help him with ring shopping. He says he and Naomie dated long distance for eight months and then moved in together, and he’s ready to take the next step. They go to the store and he says he wants a pre-engagement ring, which the jeweler calls a promise ring. Are we in high school? Maybe he should consider an ID bracelet. Cameran says he wants to lock Naomie down, but I don’t think a promise ring is going to do it. He does spend a bundle though.

Thomas says Kathryn’s strengths don’t lie in good manners and good breeding. This guy barely has any manners and doesn’t even realize he just threw shade at his own children. He wants to keep things copacetic so he can see Kensie when he wants to. He wants Kathryn in a happy place. Thomas visits Patricia. They meet in the library (the one in her house, not the public library) and I love this room! Thomas brings her a humongous candle. Patricia can tell he’s on a mission.

Michael brings in the drinks. Thomas flatters Patricia and she asks what he wants. He pleads Kathryn’s case for coming to the Flamingo Party. He says she wants to repair her relationships. Patricia says her fancy friends are going to be there and she doesn’t want to take the chance of Kathryn being emotional. Thomas says Kathryn has made progress. Patricia says she needs to take care of the kids rather than worry about going to parties. Thomas flatters her some more, but it’s still a no.

It’s polo match time. Kensie’s nanny is there. Thomas says the invitation to Kathryn was a chance to get what he wants — to see Kensie more. Thomas practices some shots.

Kathryn is doing all that stuff you have to do to get a toddler ready for travel. She’s concerned about having another small one to look after, since she can barely keep up with Kensie. Her friend, Jennifer, is driving. They all keep talking about Brooklyn and confusing me.

The match starts and a bunch of guys on horseback smack balls around. JD and his wife, Elizabeth, are Kensie’s godparents and looking forward to seeing her. Kathryn says they seem to talk to Thomas, but not her. Kathryn talks about what happens to the friends when a couple breaks up. When Kathryn sees Elizabeth there, she panics because she thinks Elizabeth and JD will go running back to Thomas with everything she says and does, even though he’s right there. She says it was supposed to be a family day and seeing all of the people is giving her a panic attack. Didn’t she realize there might be a few other people at a polo match?

She’s mighty annoyed, but brings Kensie over to where the nanny is. JD and Elizabeth give her a hug and say she looks good, but Kathryn isn’t having any. Why is this toddler dressed in a too long dress? When one has just learned to walk, this is probably a bad idea. Kathryn is annoyed at the fakeness and says Kensie’s godparents haven’t even visited in months. JD and Elizabeth ask Jennifer what’s up when Kathryn goes to the car. Jennifer shrugs and looks at the sky, but in her individual interview, says when Kathryn struggles emotionally, it’s like a volcano.

The nanny asks to approach the car. Kathryn wants Kensie out of the situation. Elizabeth asks if it’s the alcohol and says they can ditch it. Kathryn says she just doesn’t want her daughter around this mess. Jennifer asks what she wants to do and Kathryn says get out of there. She says screw Thomas; they’re leaving. And off they go.

JD thinks it’s unfair and even though he has no clue what’s up with Kathryn, it’s not like he hasn’t seen it before. After the match, Thomas wonders where Kensie is. He gets all stupid, whining, where’s my baby? JD says she left with Kathryn and the nanny. Elizabeth says she seemed unhappy with the atmosphere. Thomas says Kathryn shouldn’t punish Kensie by keeping her from her father. Frankly, I think she’s doing Kensie a favor. Thomas decides he’s not going to help with the house rental. Isn’t that also punishing Kensie? What an idiot this guy is.

Next time, Craig submits his application to the bar, Kathryn goes to the hospital, JD is concerned that Kathryn is manipulating Thomas, and there are flamingoes galore.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

I brace myself. I also wonder if there were clowns on the carny circuit who taught Leeanne how to apply makeup.

Brandi is helping Marie’s daughter by coaching her in cheerleading. Afterward they hang out in the kitchen. Brandi apologizes for being outspoken at Marie’s charity event. Marie says most people don’t know the better side of Leeanne. Marie says that Leeanne is very funny and they’ll bond over a sense of humor. In her individual interview, Brandi says she’s never heard Leeanne be funny and that’s doubtful.

Cary and Mark are making dinner. She says Mark was a fixer upper when she met him, but he lost 80 pounds and she became romantically interested. Their too cute daughter comes in and they practice her Swiss German. I took two years of French and can only tell you how to pack a suitcase and curse you out. This kid isn’t even in kindergarten and already speaks several languages.

Cary says kids weren’t a priority for her and that really hasn’t changed. She has a husband who cooks, a nanny and an amazing career. I raise my white flag.

Leeanne talks about how she wormed worked her way into Dallas charity society. Mad Hatter’s is the event of the season, or so she says, and anybody who’s anybody goes. It benefits the Dallas Arboretum. The hat Leeanne wore last year won an award. Since she gets her picture in a lot of papers, the designer gives her a free hat. April in Paris is the theme and I have to say the hat looks pretty cool. Very Audrey Hepburn-ish.

Brandi and Stephanie get together to make their own hats. Hide the glue gun or at least hide the wine while they’re using the glue gun. Already they’re talking poop. Brandi says she’s going to under-do everybody. Stephanie says she has to behave more responsibly, since she’s in charge of charitable contributions for their family.

Stephanie asks Brandi if she’s going to apologize. Brandi asks if Stephanie thinks she needs to. Stephanie tells Brandi she wrote Leeanne an email since it seemed like they were ganging up on her. Pfft! Leeanne started it. Stephanie basically apologized and Leeanne replied by saying she doesn’t trust Brandi not to make fun of her again. Oh, boo hoo. Stephanie asks if Brandi is mad about the email. Brandi says no, but she feels like Leeanne is trying to turn things around.

Leeanne is cooking on the grill and her dog is eating off of the cheese plate on the table. She’s having Tiffany and her husband over.Tiffany talks about how they met on a modeling shoot. She says they were party girls back in the day and they continue to have each other’s backs. Tiffany’s husband, Aaron, talks about artificially inseminating cows, which is great dinner table talk. He compares it to something Tiffany did in the bedroom and I don’t want to know.

Leeanne’s boyfriend once won a best legs contest, and the conversation quickly turns to how he should ask Leeanne to marry him. Tiffany suggest he do it before she’s fifty, and Rich says since Leeanne says she’s thirty, he has plenty of time. Hahahahaha!

Back home, Tiffany and Aaron discuss Aaron’s recording plans. Tiffany asks if he’d like a studio in the house. She’s kind of bummed at how much money she made and lost in LA. She says when she met Aaron, he had a recording deal and a mansion in the Hollywood Hills and he’s only in Dallas because of her. She asks if he wants to grow old in Texas with her and he says he’d like to grow old with her anyway.

Commercial break with important information. The Million Dollar Listing New York 90-minute premier is Thursday at 9 pm.

Brandi is baking with her girls and a teeny tiny dog in her arms that I’m already in love with. She says she’ll never be mother of the year, but maybe a short month like February. More poop jokes. They’re going to have a birthday tea party for her mother-in-law complete with a poop pie, which is really a chocolate cake. Brandi tells us to embrace poop.

Stephanie drops by. Brandi says it’s been tough because her husband has been working late hours and Stephanie says it’s the same on her end. Brandi’s husband, Brian, has a goal to be a multi-millionaire by age forty. Keep working, Brian!

Tiffany and Aaron are looking at houses. The house they’re looking at is huge and ultra modern. The realtor says the house would be perfect for the career thing. Tiffany gives the realtor some TMI by telling her they’ve been married eleven years and never seen each other pee. Thanks for that. What is wrong with these people?

Aaron and Tiffany discuss the house afterward. Aaron thinks it’s a lot, but Tiffany says the same thing in LA would cost triple. Aaron is obviously not crazy about Dallas and he doesn’t think the opportunities are there for him. He thinks they should start smaller with the house. I’m thinking he wants back in Hollywood.

It’s tea party time! Brandi says she sees her mother-in-law and sister-in-law more than she sees her husband. That’s okay. Work harder, Brian! They go around the table, telling Brian’s mother what they love about her. Brandi gets emotional when it’s her turn. Her mother was fifteen when she had Brandi’s brother and had her a year later, which she says was difficult. Brandi also never met her grandfather, who abandoned the family. She says she learned early on not to give a damn what other people thought. Well, it sounds like she did good with that hard-working husband. Keep at it, Brian!

Leeanne asks Rich’s opinion on the jewelry she’s going to wear to the Mad Hatter’s event and then proceeds to tell him why his opinion is wrong. It really is a sh*tload of pearls. Like the amount you might wear to the Gay Pride Parade.

Brandi’s hat is basically a tribute to poop. with plastic turds all over it. What is with this poop thing??? If it weren’t for the poop, it would actually be a pretty cool hat because it has something that looks like Spanish moss all hanging down off of it. Brandi says people don’t care as long as you’re donating a bunch of money and her family donates a lot.

Tickets for the event go from $300 to $35,000. There are certainly some amazing hats here. It’s something like the Easter Parade in Manhattan. Stephanie has not embraced the poop idea and her hat is pretty sedate. One lady has a poodle to match her hat or a hat to match her poodle and I’m impressed. Everyone is complementing Brandi’s hat because most of them don’t realize what it is. Brandi says if she’s going to wear sh*t she’s going to look good in it. Tiffany immediately makes a poop hat report to Leeanne, who looks on disapprovingly. In her individual interview, Leeanne talks about how graceful and beautiful all of the ladies are and that Brandi is giving them all a b*tch slap. I dunno about that graceful and beautiful business. Without the hats, I could just as easily see them all shopping at Walmart. On second thought, they could even keep the hats on and I could see them shopping at Walmart. Leeanne says nothing to Brandi’s face about her disapproval. There’s lots of air kissing.

Stephanie finally takes off her hat to lose 50 pounds. She tells everyone about how one of the turds fell off in the bathroom. Cary encourages her to put it on one of the chairs, but Brandi isn’t game. I’m surprised. Cary decides to do it herself and guess who almost sits in the seat. Leeanne thinks Brandi is trying to bait her into a confrontation. Thanks, Cary! Instead of shrugging it off, Leeanne goes to some bigwig and tells on Brandi. She says crossing the wrong people in society you get crossed off the list. That is so stupid, I hope what she did backfires and she’s the one exed out.

Next time, some of the girls go to a strip club, Leeanne won’t let go of the hat drama, and if you bow (pronounced like the bow in rainbow) at Leeanne, she’ll bow back, whatever that means. Is that carny talk?

April 15, 2016 — Two GHs & Three Couches

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital — Thursday

Sonny is home. Carly is thrilled that he’s in one piece. She asks what happened and Sonny says the found Carrrlos and Carrrlos got what he deserved.

Dante comes to see Lulu and they kiss. A lot.

Laura finds Nicholas having coffee that he just put a shot in. The breakfast of champions! He tells her about selling the ELQ shares to Jason.

Jason has sent messages out for the family members to meet him at Tracy’s hospital room.

Finn comes to Tracy’s room, finding her eating a gourmet meal from Cook. She wants to go home and he says it should be soon. Finn asks what a healthy Tracy does with her time. She says believe it or not, she used to have a real job at ELQ.

Jason looks over the shares. Sam knocks at the door. She tells him if he takes the next step, there’s no turning back, and he says he thinks it’s the best solution for the family.

Laura asks if Nicholas sold the shares to Jason because of Hayden. Lulu and Dante walk in at that moment, and Lulu asks what Hayden made him do. Dante goes to deal with Rocco and Lulu asks Nicholas why he sold a company he worked so hard for. He says his business deals are none of her business.

Laura is going to meet a cryptographer at the MetroCourt (where else?). She found “Dr. K” online and Lulu thinks it sounds sketchy. Laura tells Nicholas to go easy on the booze and leaves. Lulu asks what’s going on with him.

Finn says he’s sure the loss of the company was difficult, but Tracy says it’s not permanent. Finn says he has no reason to stay in Port Charles, but Roxie has gotten used to the pampering at the MetroCourt. Tracy says she’d like to see him stay permanently. Monica comes in and Tracy suggests Finn become a member of the GH staff. Finn leaves.

Obrecht sees Finn in the hall and reminds him about a presentation he’s supposed to make later.

Sonny tells Carly that Carrrlos is alive and well, and in police custody. Carly is glad Sonny didn’t kill him, and Sonny says he wanted to. He tells Carly about how Carrrlos pretended to be the padre and what happened at the chapel. He says Anna talked him out of killing Carrrlos, but he also did it for her. He says she wanted him to do things differently and he was worried he’d never see her again when the gun was at his head. He says he loves her with all his heart and they kiss.

Jason meets everyone in Tracy’s room. (Ha-ha! She even has her monogrammed pillow on her hospital bed.) Jason says he’s the new owner of ELQ.

Carly says she knows how hard it was for Sonny. He said that Anna reminded him he could go to prison and he didn’t like that thought. He says the one good thing about being in the wheelchair is that it gave him time with his family and he realized how much he loved them.

Jason gives everyone back their shares. Tracy asks how he got them and Jason says he bought them. Monica balks and Tracy asks what the leverage was. Michael is like what difference does it make, ELQ is back in the family.

Lulu suspects that Hayden is behind the sale of the ELQ shares.

Laura goes to the MetroCourt to meet the cryptographer. It’s Doc! Oh cool, I love him. I’m also hoping Lucy isn’t far behind.

Doc says when he got her email from the cryptographer’s chat room, he never realized she was the Laura who sent it. She says she had no idea he was Dr. K. She asks if he quit being a psychiatrist, but he says cryptography is just a side gig. He tells her with social media the way it is, he doesn’t want to broadcast what he ate for breakfast. He wonders how long you have to get to know someone before you let your geek flag fly.

Finn is being anal with the MetroCourt chef about his eggs. Carly and Sonny watch from a distance. Carly says Finn walks to the beat of his own unusual drum. She introduces Sonny to Finn. He makes pleasantries and says he needs to check on Roxie and take a power nap. Sonny asks if Roxie is Finn’s girlfriend and Carly says no, she’s his service lizard.

Sonny asks about Morgan and Carly fills him in. He says he’d like to see Morgan come home. They both lose their appetites.

Finn gets to his room and gives himself a shot. I’m assuming he’s ill in some way and not on heroin, although that would be a great storyline.

Lulu says she’s not trying to judge Nicholas, but she wants to help him. She says if Hayden pressured him, they have to fight. Nicholas says it was a choice between Hayden and Jason and he chose Jason. Lulu says she can tell Hayden must have something on him and if he doesn’t have her arrested, she will. He says if she does, people she cares about will go to prison. Dante comes in and asks what’s going on.

Jason had everything divvied up according to Edward’s instructions. Tracy says that means she gets nothing and asks if Jason is going to run the company. He says he wants his old job back and for Michael to run ELQ. Everyone is all grateful. Michael asks him to work for the company, but he takes a pass. Monica asks Tracy if she can muster up some grace and say thank you.

Ugh! Breaking news, which is very rarely anything important. The NJ Turnpike is closed. I guess all those people watching TV in their cars need to know this.

Doc asks Laura if there was anything unusual about the reading of the will. Laura says it was on video and the items were weird or downright creepy. She tells him about the dagger left to Alexis. Doc asks if she’s concerned that Helena is manipulating her from the grave.

Nicholas tells Dante it’s just a sibling disagreement. He leaves and Dante asks Lulu what she thinks is going on. Lulu tells him about Hayden really being Rachel Berlin. She says Hayden was trying to swindle Nicholas out of his stocks and she thinks Hayden has something on him. She asks if Dante can arrest her. For what? Nothing happened.

Tracy says she’d rather not be coerced, but says thank you to Jason. She says that even though Edward didn’t want to forgive him, she’s certain that Edward is smiling down on him now. Jason and Sam leave, and Monica says she knows it wasn’t easy, but Tracy says she meant what she said.

Carly tells Sonny that Finn just ordered a couple of cases of distilled water and wonders what he wants it for.

Finn lies down after his shot and goes to sleep.

Michael joins Carly and Sonny, and tells them about ELQ and that Jason put him back in charge. Michael says Jason made Nicholas an offer he couldn’t refuse and that he thinks Jason is really starting to care about the family. One of the staff whispers something to Carly and she says she has to go.

Michael tells Sonny he knows who he is and he’s part of both families, but he’s the man he is today because of Sonny. Sonny tells Michael about Carrrlos. Michael asks about Sabrrrina, and Sonny says sorry, she wasn’t there.

Dante says a crime wasn’t committed. Lulu says she can’t believe Hayden is going to get away with it. Dante wonders who Nicholas was talking about when he said other people would get arrested if Hayden did.

Laura and Doc toast to solving the puzzle.

Sonny says they found Carrrlos in Ecuador but no Sabrrrina and no baby. He says Carrrlos said they were in Puerto Rico, but consider the source. Michael says no point in thinking Carrrlos would tell the truth.

Sam and Jason arrive home. Sam can’t believe Tracy actually told Jason thank you. Jason gets a call from Diane. He has to deal with his offshore accounts in person, so he’s got to fly to The Keys right away. He asks Sam to come along.

Dante asks Lulu if they can stop going down this rabbit hole right now. He says Nicholas knows she’s there for him and that’s the best she can do. They go to eat cookies with Rocco.

Jason says his business shouldn’t take long and they could have some fun. Sam says getting a sitter would be impossible, but she’d like to throw him a party. Now let me get this straight. She can’t find a sitter on such short notice, but she can pull together a party in the same amount of time.

Monica says she knows how much ELQ means to Tracy. Tracy says she’s glad she lived long enough to see it back in the family. She tells Monica she’s proud of Jason. Tracy makes a promise to Edward they’ll never lose ELQ again.

Obrecht ambushes Monica. She says Dr. Finn never showed up for the lecture he was supposed to give. She texted and called, but he never responded. She says he’ll be on staff over her dead body.

Carly is worried because Finn requested a wake-up call and isn’t responding. She leaves. Sonny tells Michael if Sabrrrina wants to be in touch, she’ll call him. Michael says once you’re involved you can’t just walk away.

Carly knocks on the door to Finn’s room. There’s no response. She obviously doesn’t want to, but she lets herself in. She sees him passed out and his works on the floor next to the couch.

Tomorrow, Anna tells Jordan about shooting Carrrlos, Nina asks why Nathan won’t be truthful with Maxie, and Carly wonders what Finn did to himself.

General Hospital — Friday

I came in a little late, so…

Julian tells Ava  that Carrrlos has enough to put him away for so long, he might never enjoy a spring day again.

Anna waits in the interrogation room. Paul tells Jordan that as the DA, he should be present for questioning. Jordan tells him Anna isn’t under arrest, she’s just talking to a friend. Jordan goes in and Anna tells her about shooting Carrrlos. She says Carrrlos took her future with Duke away, and he was right in that he would have ended up going free. She says she couldn’t stand the perversion of justice, but there was no question that it was attempted murder. Jordan says it was a set up and that she knew something was wrong.

Anna says she understands she’s going to be arrested. She tells Jordan the only reason she can accept it is that she knows Julian will go down. Jordan asks what Paul’s connection is. Anna says that he knew if Carrrlos came back, he had a lot on Paul. Jordan asks what Carrrlos knows.

Obrecht walks into Finn’s room. Carly says they’re having a private conversation, but Obrecht wants to know why Finn didn’t show up for his lecture. Obrecht looks in Roxie’s cage and says Roxie is waving her arm in submission to her. Carly isn’t surprised. Obrecht asks how can she trust Finn to be responsible for patients when he couldn’t even make the lecture. Carly tries to defend him, but Finn says Obrecht is right. Obrecht says as soon as he’s done with Tracy, he’s leaving GH. When Obrecht leaves, Carly asks why he didn’t tell her he’s a diabetic.

Franco tells Kiki he doesn’t think his natural child would be as cool as her and he probably wouldn’t make a good father. Kiki says parenting isn’t for everyone, but she wishes she could help with Nina.

Nina says a lie of omission isn’t like Nathan. She asks if the subject of exes didn’t come up. Nathan says no, and later he didn’t want to burden her with the details. In case any men are reading this, here’s a clue. What you did is always minor in comparison to you not telling us what you did. Nina says as a kid, Nathan would confess to things he didn’t even do, so why was he less than truthful with Maxie?

Maxie apologizes for being rude to Griff. She says his father having been murdered must be traumatic. Griff says Duke died before he had a chance to meet him, and explains the history. He says the murderer is now in custody. Maxie says they have Duke Lavery’s killer in custody and asks if it’s the same guy. Griff says Duke is his father.

Ava asks what Julian is going to do now that Carrrlos is in custody.

Anna tells Carrrlos she had her best night’s sleep since Duke’s murder. She says the DA and Commissioner are going to question him. She says she knows she’ll be arrested afterward, so to do what he needs to do. I have the funny feeling Carrrlos isn’t going to do anything. I think he’s going to hang on to this information so he can use it forever.

Nina won’t respond to Franco’s calls or texts. He wants to find her and Kiki says she’ll come along. She says she wants some fresh air, but Franco thinks she doesn’t want to be by herself. She tells him to go ahead, she’ll stay, but there’s a loud noise and she freaks.

Nathan calls Nina out on lying to Franco and then shutting him down. She tells him he’s projecting. She notices that Maxie was researching Claudette on her tablet.

Maxie tells Griff about Duke and says Griff would have liked him. She says she doesn’t believe that love dies, and she tells him about Georgie being murdered. She says she’s never going to forgive Georgie’s killer like Griff will probably not forgive Carrrlos.

Carrrlos says he wants to talk to the DA. Anna and Jordan leave. Paul tells Carrrlos that he’s charged with the murder of Duke and the attempted murder of Sonny. Paul says he’ll go easy if Carrrlos turns on Julian.

Ava says she’ll never forgive herself if Julian goes back to the mob. He says no worries, it’s not that big a deal and just temporary. He adds too bad he didn’t find Carrrlos first though.

Finn says he’s sure Obrecht would frown on his condition. Carly says that’s discrimination and Finn says he doesn’t want to discuss his health problems with anyone. Carly says when he checks out, she’d better not find any stray worms or crickets, or he’s going to be charged with a hefty bill. Finn says she wouldn’t, would she? She makes an oh-come-on face at him.

Franco calms Kiki down. She apologizes and he tells her she doesn’t have to say she’s sorry to him.

Nina says she doesn’t know what Nathan is hiding, but he’d better come clean with Maxie. He says she’s a fine one to talk, but she claims she’s going to come clean with Franco. She tells Nathan to tell Maxie he just wants to see her happy, he’ll do anything to achieve it, and that he doesn’t want to lose her.

Griff says forgiveness is a conscious effort to lose all resentment toward whoever hurt you. He says now that Carrrlos has been captured, he’s made losing Duke reality.

Jordan says it’s good Carrrlos didn’t say anything about Anna. Anna says just give him time.

Carrrlos says if he goes against Julian, he’ll be a target. Paul says he’ll be protected and to just give him enough to put Julian away.

Julian is concerned about what Carrrlos is going to say. Ava says there’s only one way to stop him from talking. Julian is like, wait a minute, I thought you wanted me out of the business. Ava suggests he talk to Hammer. Julian says he’ll think about it.

Finn says thank you to Carly and asks her to keep his health problems between them. She says no one is going to hear about it from her and leaves. Finn tells Roxie not to look at him like that and he knows he screwed up.

Nina comes home to Franco. He says he was worried about her, but it doesn’t matter now that she’s home. She says she had a talk with Nathan and has come to a decision about them.

Griff has to check in with the hospital and steps away from the table. Nathan comes in and tells Maxie that he would sacrifice everything to make her happy as long as she promises they can spend their lives together. He asks her to marry him. Griff sees Nathan down on one knee and says, “Oh my God, it’s him.”

Paul leaves the interrogation room and Jordan asks what’s going on. Paul says Carrrlos wants his phone call to call his lawyer. He says it’s anybody’s guess what Carrrlos is going to say.

Carrlos calls Julian. Julian asks if he said anything. Carrrlos says Julian will find out when he gets there.

Tomorrow, Julian tells Alexis that everything they fear is coming to pass, Sam asks Kristina why she’s avoiding Sonny, and Nina suggest that she and Franco split town.

The People’s Couch Quotes of the Week

She’s gotta have the baby. They gotta name it Hope, because the first new baby after the end of the world is named Hope.
Or zombie snack — Scott and Emerson respectively, referring to The Walking Dead.

There’s no excuse for a handlebar mustache, even in the Apocalypse. — Blake, referring to The Walking Dead.

He’s the winner nobody talks about. They don’t want to admit it happened. — Scott, referring to Taylor Hicks on American Idol.

What if Simon walked out and was like, this is very cruise ship. Scott, referring to Jennifer Lopez’s performance on American Idol.

This is getting tense.
You want a pill? Ayn and Sue respectively, referring to American Idol.

I don’t need to necessarily find out I come from a family of chimney sweeps. — Brandy, referring to Who Do You Think You Are?

April 13, 2016 — GH, Little LA, Little Family & a Lotta NYC

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Carrrlos has been shot.

Michael asks Carly what they should say to Morgan about Sonny. Carly wants to see how he’s doing first.

Kiki video chats with Morgan and shows him her wound. She says she’ll never wear a bikini again and will have to make up a story about being in a knife fight, because the truth, which most likely made the front page, isn’t interesting enough. She’s getting out of the hospital today.

Julian and Alexis are relaxing at the bar. Alexis is happy about coming to an understanding with Kristina. She says as progressive as she thinks she is, she was caught off guard and didn’t react well. She says meeting with Parker was over-the-top, but beneficial. Alexis worries about how Sonny will handle it.

Jordan finds what Paul’s telling her about Anna difficult to believe. Paul says Carrrlos was unarmed when Anna shot him. Jordan remembers Anna saying something about the truth coming out and asks Paul how he knows all this. Paul says Anna’s the one who told him.

Sonny is about to shoot Carrrlos again, when Anna asks what he’s doing. He says getting justice for Duke. No, no, no, Sonny. That was not the agreement.

Morgan asks how Kiki is doing. She says despite her overreaction when the orderly dropped the tray, she’s doing well. Ava comes in and so does Carly on Morgan’s end, so they hang up. Ava tells Kiki that she’s getting discharged. Kiki says she’s looking forward to a new view. She says she wants to go home and live with Ava and Avery.

Julian talks about Lucas coming out to him and gives Sonny the benefit of the doubt. Alexis says something about Julian getting out of the mob and he practically chokes on his drink. She goes to see if their table is ready, and Julian’s phone rings. It’s Hammer. Isn’t there a Hammer in 13 Ghosts?

Jordan wonders why Anna would have told Paul anything. He says he thought it was the confession of a guilty mind. He says he has no intention of pressing charges, but just wants to get Anna back home. He leaves and Jordan leaves Anna a voicemail to call her immediately. As she’s about to leave, Andre is on the porch and asks if Anna is in trouble. Jordan says she thinks so, but he probably already knew that.

Sonny prattles on about everything bad Carrrlos has ever done. He says if he doesn’t kill him, his position is weakened. Anna says Sonny doesn’t give a damn about justice. He says it’s personal and good business. Anna says what about Julian. Sonny says he’ll get his too. Anna says Duke was the man she loved and they’re doing it her way.

Carly says Morgan seems more upbeat. He says he doesn’t have a choice since it’s mental health 24/7 there. Carly asks how the meds adjustment is going and Morgan says he thinks they’re getting closer and he feels less stoned. Carly says Sonny went through that and BTW, Sonny won’t be making it today. She tells Morgan about Sonny going after Carrrlos in South America.

Sonny says he doesn’t take orders from Anna. Anna says her business is justice and she’s tried her whole life to uphold the law, but abandoned it when she shot Carrrlos. She says she’s done sacrificing her principles and Carrrlos has to face charges. Sonny says what if he doesn’t agree and Anna says then he’ll have to kill her too. She says he might think it’s futile, but bringing Duke’s killer to justice is the last thing she can do for the man she loves. She asks Sonny to be a gentleman and let her do that. Sonny steps away and Anna handcuffs Carrrlos.

Andre says he was there earlier and Anna was acting strange, so he came back to check on her. Jordan tells him about the arrest warrant.

Paul comes to the hospital. Dillon sees him and says Tracy is asleep. Paul says he’s not there for a visit. Dillon asks what’s up with his wrist and Paul says he’s there to get it looked at. Dillon asks what happened.

Kiki tells Ava she felt they were making progress before she got shot and the nurses have told her how Ava has been looking after her. Ava says how wonderful it feels to hear her say that. Kiki say she wants to be a family with her mother and sister, but Ava says she can’t.

Julian tells Hammer they need to set up a meeting. Alexis comes back and asks what’s up with the phone call. Julian says it’s work related. She says she overheard the word “trouble,” and got angina, and asks what’s going on with the business. Julian says there’s something she doesn’t know and it’s time for him to confess.

Morgan says he wishes he could help, but he knows that’s not what Sonny wants and it’s best he stays away from the business altogether. He says there’s no point in worrying about what he can’t fix and he just wants to get back to his life and Kiki.

Ava tells Kiki she wouldn’t be safe. Kiki asks if Avery is in danger and Ava says she’s been staying with Sonny. Kiki asks how much trouble Ava is in. Ava says some people are unhappy with her because of her involvement with law enforcement.

Alexis asks if the truth is going to jeopardize their life together. Julian says he hopes not and tells her about what happened with Crimson and how Nina ended up with complete control. Alexis says what Julian did is probably unethical, but not against the law; still, he did the right thing. Alexis says she has to admit when she heard the word trouble, she thought he was back with the mob.

The padre wakes up and Sonny explains what’s going on. Anna sterilizes Carrrlos’s wound. She says she wants him to be totally healthy when he stands trial. Carrrlos says she shot him in cold blood and asks if she thinks this will make up for it. Anna says the sooner they can get out of there the better.

Sonny tells Carrrlos he owes Anna his life. Carrrlos says she’s going to be disappointed because he’s going to walk. Sonny says he’s going to die one way or the other. He disrespected Sonny and now he’s going to pay with his life. Sonny, a man of cliches.

Jordan tells Andre what Anna did to Paul. Andre has a hard time believing it. He says as vengeful as she seems against Carrrlos, he doesn’t think she could kill him. Jordan tells him about Anna shooting Carrrlos. She adds that clearly, it isn’t news to him.

Morgan says at first, he thought the pills would fix everything, but once he understood he also had to pull his own weight, he felt better. Carly says everyone is proud of him and loves him. She says she talked to his doctor though, and there’s still more work to do, and he needs to focus on more than just getting out. Morgan says he’s supposed to set goals and that’s what he’s doing. He says everyone needs to stop telling him how to feel. In her quest to keep it real, Carly has become a wet blanket.

Kiki says she thought something was going on between Paul and Ava. Ava says it was only business, but not business she wanted to be involved in. She says she hopes Julian can help set things right and that Kiki should focus on her recovery. She suggests Kiki move back in with Franco.

Dillon asks how Paul got hurt. Paul says it was a refresher course in defense. Paul tells Dillon it’s time to start focusing on his own life and find a girl. Dillon says he’s finally got a great job and Tracy is doing better, so he has everything he needs right now. He’s also glad that Paul is acting like a dad and Paul says he’s thrilled to be one.

Andre says as a professional, he’s learned not to react, and he’s just trying to process things, but Jordan says she thinks he’s hiding something. She says she needs to know if Anna shared anything with him as a patient.

Back on the plane, Sonny tells Carrrlos to shut up or he’ll knock his teeth out. Anna says she has chloroform if he needs it. Ha-ha! They’re ready to leave, but the guard comes in and says they’re not going anywhere — except maybe to jail for assault.

Andre says he’s a doctor and he takes his oath seriously. He says his allegiance is to his patient and that includes confidentiality.

Anna apologizes, but says they had an urgent matter and that Carrrlos is wanted in the US. Sonny concurs and the guard says Robert already called him, so he knows they’re telling the truth. However, no matter what the US government has to say, he doesn’t like being assaulted. Carrrlos tries to act like they should stick together, but the guard tells him the only place he’s going is jail. Sonny brings up some bigwig’s name, saying he does a lot of business with him, and all is forgiven. When the guard leaves, Anna asks Sonny if they know what kind of business he does with the bigwig and he says probably not. Neither do I. Since we’re never told exactly what it is that Sonny does.

Morgan says Kiki needs him. Carly says the doctors are helping her recover and that’s what Morgan needs to do. Morgan says Kiki is gong home today and that’s what he needs to do — go home.

Kiki is ready to leave and sees Dillon. She says he’s that guy from Halloween and mentions the infamous sizzle reel. He says that’s a bad first impression and introduces himself. He says he’d like to apologize. She says for what, a bad video? He says no, that his dad is Paul. She says it’s not necessary, she has the same deal with her mother, and he’s not responsible for what his dad does. She says she won’t ask him about his dad if he doesn’t ask her about her mother. There’s a somewhat loud sound and Kiki freaks a little and crouches down.

Carly says if Kiki is going home it’s because her doctors decided that, not her, and Morgan has to wait for his doctors to give the okay. Michael says he won’t do Kiki any good if he leaves too soon and has another episode.

Like Kiki is having right now. She tells Dillon now he knows her secret, she’s a big chicken. Ava comes back and tells Kiki to get back in the hospital rule wheelchair and wheels her out.

Andre says he’s told Jordan everything he can. She says the conversation is over then, and she has to get back. She tells him if he hears from Anna, to let her know that Jordan needs to talk to her asap.

After he leaves, Andre calls Anna’s voicemail. He tells her to call him right away when she gets the message.

Paul tells Julian about Carrrlos being brought back to Port Charles. He says he understands that Carrrlos is a new father and might not want to spend too much time in jail. He says Carrrlos might turn on his former boss. Julian acts clueless. Paul says he might want to get his ducks in a row in case he wants to take care of anything.

Carrrlos tells Anna it’s not too late to let him vanish along with what he knows. He says she could get arrested too. She says she’s okay with whatever happens next, as long as he pays. Sonny says he will. Anna has his word on it.

Tomorrow, Sonny and Anna come home, Jason is going to make a big step, and Dante wants to know what the hell is going on.

Little Women: LA

Jasmine and Terra are out for a walk and discussing working out. Jasmine asks Terra how she’s doing after the line-dancing incident. Terra says the Christy thing has blown up into epic proportions. They discuss how Briana can’t give a straight answer on whether she wants to still be friends with Terra or not. Jasmine says Briana is a proud person and it’s hard for her to admit when she’s wrong.

Terra asks how being the maid of honor is going for Jasmine. Jasmine says with Briana everything seems to be last minute. Terra tells Jasmine she should encourage Briana to invite her family, but Jasmine thinks enough is going on already.

Briana is meeting with Sue Wong for her dress fitting. I love the dress, but Elena thinks it doesn’t fit that great. She tells Briana it’s a lot, especially if she’s going to wear jewelry. She says she wants Briana to look sophisticated, not like a girl playing dress up.

They talk about the guest list. Briana knows she doesn’t want Terra or Tonya there, but she’s feeling badly about Christy, especially since she was in Christy’s wedding party. The last time they got together, it didn’t go well though, and she doesn’t want drama at her wedding.

Christy tells her mother she has no idea if she’s invited to the wedding. She hasn’t gotten an invite yet and really wants to go since she and Briana were once best friends. Christy thinks since she poured her heart out to Briana, this should make them square. Her mom suggests she just ask, but Christy doesn’t want to ask a question where “no” might be the answer.

Todd says Matt called him. He says they’ve moved past their differences and he understands where Christy is coming from. Matt wants to invite them and surprise Briana. Christy is nervous that Briana won’t know and I think it’s a really bad idea. Christy says what if she doesn’t want them there.

Tonya is seeing a specialist about a weak muscle in her eye that causes her to see double. She wants to get it corrected so she can get Lasik surgery. The specialist thinks it should be the other way around and she wants to get a third opinion. Two out of three.

Terra asks about Kerwin. Tonya says she knows he loves her, but she’s tired of hearing he’s scared to commit. She wants to tell him to either take the leap or move on. Terra wonders if Tonya could move on, but Tonya says the circus is about to close down.

Elena and Terra go shopping. Elena has been working on her Little Palette makeup line, so they’re checking out the store. Terra asks Elena if she’s having a C-section. Elena wants to deliver naturally and Terra asks if she’s insane. She thinks any OB whose had experience with little people is going to tell her to have a C-section.

It’s wedding day! Briana and Jasmine are getting their makeup done. Briana is waiting for her friend, Lisa, who’s going to walk her down the aisle. Jasmine asks if Briana invited her family, and Briana says no. Jasmine hopes she doesn’t regret it later.

Jasmine shows Briana her dress. It’s black and Briana gets a little weird. Jasmine says she thought she was picking up a red dress and thats’ what she was given, so she thought Briana had changed the color. Briana says she wanted black and red, so I wonder if the other girl ended up with a red dress. In her individual interview, Jasmine says Briana only has herself to blame for the mix-up, since everything is so last minute. I’ll assume she’s right, since I’m confused as to what Briana is even talking about.

Tonya video chats with Kerwin. She says their yo-yo relationship is insane and he has to make a decision. She asks if he’s planning on moving out there and having a future with her. He asks if she’s in love with him. She says yes, and asks if he broke up with the woman he was living with. He says that’s over and he’s ready to have a committed relationship with her. Tonya says it’s taken 20+ years for them to figure things out. Check.

Jasmine says hopefully that’s the worst thing that will happen. In excellent timing, Christy is at the door. Briana is wondering what’s next. Christy tells her that Matt called Todd and that’s why she’s there. Briana says it’s an interesting morning and obviously Matt is coming from a good place. Christy says it’s her day and Briana helped her on her wedding day when she was a hot mess, so she wants to give some of that back. Christy says she’ll see her when she walks down the aisle and goes to join the guests.

Jasmine asks if Briana’s okay with this. Briana says maybe Christy will see things her way and want her to be happy. Jasmine is concerned about all the social media surrounding Christy. She says Christy is a people pleaser and she’s not sure about Christy’s motives. She doesn’t want Christy going back and forth with Briana anymore.

Elena is shocked that Christy is there with her mom and Todd. She asks if Briana knows she’s there and Christy says Matt invited them. Elena wonders if Matt invited anyone else Briana didn’t want there and tells Christy she hopes that’s the end of the surprises for today.

Actually the black dress seems to have worked out well with the other two attendants. Christy says without her and Todd, the place would be a ghost town and she’s hoping not inviting Briana’s family doesn’t put a bigger wedge between them.

Everyone is gorgeous walking down the aisle. We flash back to different scenes with Matt and Briana, and also some of the conflicts with the girls regarding Matt. Briana says they’ve been through a lot, but they’re even stronger now — and pregnant. She says with their kids there, it feels complete. I’m loving Briana’s fascinator headpiece and Matt looks dapper in his fedora.

They come to that part about if anyone objects to this union and looks are shot all over the place. Frankly, I don’t think they even say that anymore. It wasn’t included in my wedding and that was 30 years ago. The only time I’ve ever even heard it is on TV. They do the traditional vows and then recite the ones they’ve written for themselves. It’s very sweet. The rings are exchanged, they become husband and wife, and kiss.

Elena says if Matt makes Briana happy, she should go for it despite what anyone else says, and it’s the happiest she’s seen her in a long time.

Tonya and Terra are having a spa day and all mention of the wedding is off limits. Tonya tells Terra about her conversation with Kerwin. Terra says until she sees him rolling up in a U-Haul, she’s not going to believe it. She wonders if they shouldn’t do a trial run first. Tonya says she doesn’t have time in her life for goofing around and she’s ready to settle down.

The newlyweds are introduced at the reception, and they have their first dance. Christy says while she’s had her doubts, they’re very cute together and she hopes it will work out. Applause, applause.

Christy asks Elena to go for a walk. She says she’s grateful that Matt called them. Elena asks about Christy’s injury and if she’s pressing charges. Christy doesn’t want to talk about it and then says how hard it was and that she thought she was going to die. I dunno about all this. They showed the scene again at the beginning of the show, and while it looked like maybe the glass grazed the top of Christy’s cowboy hat, no way did it hit her in the head.

Christy tells Elena she had a concussion and that her vision is just coming back now. She gets all upset and starts wailing about the press. Elena asks how they found out. Christy says she doesn’t know. In her individual interview, Elena says it sounds a little suspicious that the press just suddenly discovered Christy in the hospital. Elena tells her not to worry and take care of her health.

The cake is awesome! It has two blackbirds on top of it, and red flowers on black branches throughout the icing. Matt and Briana make a little speech thanking the guests. Cake is eaten.

When Christy leaves, the paparazzi is waiting. Christy is all no comment. She doesn’t want it to ruin the wedding and she talks to the producers about getting them out of there. She asks for no cameras

Next week, Matt & Briana honeymoon, we see a sonogram of the twins, a baby shower happens for Elena, Christy and Terra finally cross paths, and Jasmine wants to rip Matt’s face off. It doesn’t look promising for the marriage.

Terra’s Little Family

Penny is going to her 8 month check-up. She also needs to be approved for her MRI. The MRI will tell them if she needs shunt surgery. The doctor says she’s a little anemic, but otherwise in good health and okay for the MRI.

Terra brings pizza home for dinner. Joe has been looking at RVs. He says they need a vacation. He says the last few months have been stressful on their relationship and it’s time for them to get away. To San Bernadino Mountain. Without Penny.

Terra says it can be Penny’s first camping trip, but Joe wants it to be like when they first got together. Terra asks if she’s going to get some on the trip. Joe makes jokes and Terra play smacks him.

Terra meets Elena for dinner. She wants some advice. She wants to know how to make things more romantic. She says Joe thinks she has an ulterior motive and is cutting off the resources. Elena suggests a trip and Terra tells her about the camping weekend. Elena doesn’t think that’s romantically productive. She tells Terra to just handcuff him to the bed, have her way with him and be done with it.

Elena makes up some funny role playing scenes. Terra says she has tons of costumes. They toast to being creative.

Joe and Terra look for an RV. These things are huge. Joe tells Terra no way she’s driving since he wants to get there alive. Terra wants the more luxurious model, but Joe wants to go for the more manageable one. They test the pedal extenders on the RV Terra likes, but Joe thinks it doesn’t look safe. Terra ends up giving in and they take the smaller one.

Terra isn’t looking forward to leaving Penny. Grandma Olivia is going to take care of her. Terra says she’s going to call repeatedly and Olivia says she’s going to ignore it. Joe is with Olivia in that they don’t need to check in every five minutes. Terra has a hard time saying good-by, but they finally get out the door.

Since she has to leave Penny, Terra insists on driving. Joe says a prayer.

Terra asks if she’s going to get some tonight. Joe says he needs to be wooed and asks if she brought any lingerie. Terra wants to call Olivia already, but Joe isn’t sure if they have reception. Joe says he also doesn’t want to piss off Olivia since she scares him. Terra makes the call. Olivia tells them to enjoy themselves and not call again.

They get to the campsite and put out some chairs. Joe makes the guy next to them out to be a mass murderer who knows they can’t run fast. Terra wants to call home again, but Joe says it’s for her own good that he’s siding with Olivia. He says they hired her to have an important role in their lives for a reason. Terra says Joe has spent nights away from Pennny and she hasn’t. Joe tells her to relax. Terra says she’ll try.

Joe suggests they go fishing. The lake is beautiful and so is the weather. Joe says some of his best memories are fishing trips with his dad. The fish aren’t biting, so they decide to go kayaking. Terra is in front and Joe isn’t rowing even though he claims to be.

It’s quite a project for them to make the bed in the RV. Terra says she’s never been a fan of bed making. I tend to agree, since it’s a reach for me too. They make chili and hot dogs for dinner. Terra says it’s like date night. Terra calls Olivia again. Olivia tells her she needs to learn to relax and not to call again. She says she’s going to change the phone number. Joe tells Terra she worries so much. Terra says being away from Penny makes her realize how much she wants a big family.

Joe says because Penny is so cool, he wants more kids too. He’s ready to start trying. He wants Penny to have a brother or sister. Penny says Joe makes her happy and they exchange I love yous.

Terra says she has a surprise for Joe. Terra goes into the RV and comes out in a sexy bear outfit with a hunter outfit for Joe. Joe says he can work with it. He tells her let’s go make a cub and they retire to the RV.

Joe makes breakfast. Terra brings out a stool. She wants to get on top of Tucker (the name of their RV) and try to get better reception on her phone. She calls Olivia, but there’s no answer. She warned them. Joe tells her breakfast is ready. He says Olivia said she wasn’t going to answer the phone. Terra tries calling again and decides she wants to go. She’s been calling all morning long and there’s been no answer.

Terra says her nerves are shot and Joe agrees to leave. He says even one day is a victory. Baby steps.

Olivia asks why they’re back and Terra asks why she didn’t answer the phone. Terra says she was flipping out. Olivia says they trusted her and there was no reason for her to be stressed out. Terra says it has nothing to do with trust, but communication. Terra says they’d discussed the communication and doesn’t think a few phone calls a day is asking too much. Olivia says she’s hurting her feelings and being disrespectful. Olivia storms off and Joe says Terra should have approached it differently. He says Olivia is offended that they would think Penny wasn’t safe with her.

Terra feels like Joe isn’t taking her side. She says they’re supposed to be co-parenting and Joe says he wasn’t going to be the third person acting like a fool.

Next week, Joe is challenged by the physical aspect of parenting, another surgery might be on the horizon, and having a second child is rethought.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Jules is making breakfast. She has an old-fashioned peculator. I assume her husband usually makes the coffee since she says she doesn’t know how and it can’t possibly be the first cup they’ve ever had. Next, Jules gets the kids ready and Michael takes one to school. Jules walks the other to pre-school or daycare or wherever.

Bethenny has a big birthday coming up and is getting a piece of jewelry designed. Dorinda meets her at the designer’s studio. Bethenny says she’s having  tailgate chic party in the Hamptons. She has fire pits she wants to use and has built the party around them. I understand. I’ve built outfits around a pair of earrings.

They talk about John and in her individual interview, Bethenny says not everybody has to like everybody’s boyfriend. She wonders why Dorinda has to push John’s greatness on them and what they don’t know about him.

Carole shows up. She tells them about her lunch with Ramona. Dorinda thinks she’s a good person, but Bethenny says every time she let’s Ramona in, she gets burned. We find out that Dorinda uses Nair on John’s back. In graphic detail. Blerg.

Sonja and the Countess are hanging out at Sonja’s place. The Countess is ready to settle down and would like to get married again. Sonja says she and the Countess are in a different place, whereas Ramona is just starting to date. The Countess says she’s been seeing quite a bit of Bethenny and says Carole is up Bethenny’s “anus.” Oh, that’s right, Carole is dating the niece’s ex-boyfriend and the Countess doesn’t like that.

They move on to Dorinda for a second and then Sonja talks about saging her kitchen. I mean burning the spice, not cooking with it. Does that help you to cook better? Out, Guy Fieri demons! Out!

Dorinda visits Ramona. Ramona got the apartment in her settlement and she’s redecorated. She says you’d never know Mario was ever there. Snap. Dorinda talks about it being time for her daughter to move out and how she’d like some time to herself before having John move in.

They sit down to lunch. Dorinda is having a lingerie party. They talk about most women not knowing their correct bra size, which is true.

Carole meets Bethenny for dinner. Bethenny asks how it’s going with Adam. Carole says it’s been a year. Bethenny asks if they’re in love, but Carole says she doesn’t say that. She says Adam wants things like children. She says she has five good summers left while he has twenty. Not meaning she’s going to be dead, but she might be at another place in her life. Bethenny asks about Carole’s friendship with the Countess and if it’s irreparable. Carole says the Countess has been trashing her on social media and she should worry more about who she’s sleeping with and less about who Carole is sleeping with. Bethenny says she doesn’t know if the Countess is as in control as she thinks she is. She says she was out of control over the summer, meaning more than just partying. She says things always seem calculated and there are strings attached to everything. Carole says she’s never seen someone so completely clueless about who they are and she’s not interested in a friendship.

Dorinda goes to John’s cleaning establishment. She is wearing amazkingly humongous earrings that look like a piece of chain-mail. She’s getting some dry cleaning things done and says she’ll meet John after the lingerie party.

Bethenny and Ramona talk about the lingerie party. Ramona wonders if she should tell Dorinda about what John said behind her back. He was talking inappropriately about their sex life to some friends of Ramona’s. She isn’t sure how Dorinda would feel about it, but wants her to be aware of it. Bethenny talks again about how Dorinda pushes John on them.

Lots of nighttime NYC shots tonight. Dorinda goes to the space where they’re having the party. It’s a cute set up, with hors d’oevres and displays of the merchandise. It turns out Bethenny rented the same place for one of her birthday parties.

Jules touches some shrimp by accident and puts her hands in the ice bucket for purification because she’s kosher. Unfortunately, she doesn’t tell anyone, and they continue to use the same ice bucket for the drinks. Jules gets introduced to Carole. In her individual interview, Carole says Jules seems problematically thin, which is what Bethenny had said when they met.

Dorinda gives a bra speech. She says the bra experts can measure women just by looking at them and has the girls write down what they think their size is. It actually looks like fun. Dorinda says that the Countess said she’ll see her at Bethenny’s birthday party. Bethenny says the Countess is RSVPing and she hasn’t even been invited yet. Somehow Ramona makes it all about her with Carole and whines about how Carole didn’t call her over the summer when she was going through the divorce. Carole says she saw Ramona a bunch of times and even took her out to lunch when she had her book published.

Dorinda says something about not pretending and Bethenny takes this as a cue to tell Dorinda that she feels the need to sell John to them. She tells Dorinda about John pitching her business ideas and asking for her number when Dorinda wasn’t around. Dorinda says if he crossed a line, she’ll definitely put a stop to that. Dorinda says if Bethenny wants to believe she sells John, fine, but she chooses to have him in her life and too bad if anyone doesn’t like him.

Ramona chooses now to pipe up, since they’re “letting it all out.” (In her individual interview, Bethenny is saying, “Abort! Abort!” Ha-ha!) Ramona tells Dorinda about John telling her friends about sex with her, but Dorinda isn’t believing it. She says even if it’s true, she should talk to her on the side about it. Dorinda says she married someone, she buried someone, she pays her bills and she can do what she wants. She tells everyone to stop the bs, but Bethenny calls her on her bs. She says that Dorinda talks about not drinking over the summer when she practically had to be carried out of somewhere.

Dorinda gets a glass of wine and when she comes back, says she’s not staying with Ramona this weekend. Ramona says if nothing is wrong, why is Dorinda reacting this way. Dorinda says she wouldn’t bring up Ramona’s Mario problems in front of everyone.

Dorinda says she considered Ramona one of her best friends. Bethenny says Dorinda should be more mad at her. Dorinda says with Bethenny, it’s just her perception, but with Ramona, it’s a personal thing, since they’ve been friends a long time.

The bra experts suggest they get down to business and Dorinda steps outside.

Next week, the argument continues, John shows up to escalate things, the Countess looks at apartments, and Jules’s husband gets a load of what it’s like to be on reality TV.

April 12, 2016 — GH, Loving Wrong & BH Wives Finale

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Valerie is late and literally runs into Lulu on her way out of the park. Dante comes walking in from the other side.

Nicholas says he has nothing to lose, and tells Jason to go ahead and threaten him.

Hayden tells Curtis the war with Nicholas is over and she won.

Jordan talks to Judge White, who tells her that there’s a warrant out for Anna’s arrest.

Anna tells Paul he deliberately held her back because he knows Sonny will kill Carrrlos. Paul asks where Sonny is right now.

Where Sonny is, is finding out that Carrrlos has replaced the padre. Sonny asks if it’s a trap or if Carrrlos just got lucky. Carrrlos says what difference does it make, since he’s dead either way.

Curtis asks how Hayden pulled off vanquishing the prince. Hayden says she couldn’t have done it without him and he’s glad his work is appreciated. She says she slept with an ice pick, which made her reevaluate things and give Nicholas an ultimatum. She says he’s signing the papers as they speak. Curtis says Nicholas strikes her as the type of dude that doesn’t give up easily. Hayden says she reminded him about Spencer and Laura, and that Spencer would grow up seeing his father and grandmother behind bars. Curtis asks if she has regrets and she says more than she can count.

Sam asks where Hayden is and Nicholas says don’t worry, she’s alive and well. Jason says he’s there to buy Nicholas’s shares of ELQ.

Anna tells Paul that if he thinks she’s going to tell him where Sonny is, he’s more deluded than she thought. He asks why she’s on a self-destructive path and why he has to constantly save her from herself.

Sonny asks if Carrrlos killed the padre. At first he says yes, since he’s going to hell anyway, why not go big or go home? He’s just playing with Sonny though. Sonny asks what Sabrrrina would think.

Awkward moment between Lulu, Dante and Valerie. Dante asks about graduation and Valerie says she just picked up her dress uniform. Valerie asks Lulu what she’s reading and Lulu tells her it’s a workbook for marriage counseling. More awkwardness.

Curtis tells Hayden he knows the feeling and asks what her biggest regret. She says it varies but right now it’s that everyone knows she’s Rachel Berlin, despite her best efforts to start over. He says when pay day comes, she’ll feel better. Curtis says she seems attached to Nicholas and Hayden says in the end, what’s done is done and nothing can change that.

Nicholas says the shares aren’t for sale and he’ll see Jason in court. Jason insists he wants to buy the whole 50%.

Paul tells Anna he’s always tried to work on her behalf, but she says he’s ultimately out for himself, although she’s impressed with his technique. Paul says it seems she’s stuck, and he’ll see what he can do from there and hangs up.

Jordan is about to knock at Paul’s door when he opens it. She asks what the blip is going on.

Franco tells Carly he’s going to check on Kiki. He says he knows what she did for Kiki on the pier and thanks her, although she wouldn’t have been there in the first place if it hadn’t been for Morgan. Carly says of all people, Franco should understand about mental illness. Franco says he just wants to protect Kiki from Morgan. Carly says Morgan isn’t a danger to her, but Franco begs to differ. She says he was just protecting his father. Franco asks what’s going on with Sonny.

Sonny asks if Sabrrrina and the baby are safe. Carrrlos says they’re in Puerto Rico, while he went off the grid where he wasn’t supposed to be found. Sonny says Carrrlos has nowhere to run. Carrrlos says fate brought him to the church and fate brought Sonny to him. Carrrlos makes fun of Sonny looking for him and says Sonny should have been dead a long time ago, and now he will be.

Valerie is about to leave, but Lulu stops her. She says they’ve all made horrible mistakes and when they run into each other, she doesn’t want those mistakes to be all that they see. She congratulates Valerie on the graduation and says she’ll make a good cop. Valerie thanks her and leaves.

Dante and Lulu read from the workbook. Lulu thinks it’s sweet that Dante is taking it seriously and he says he takes their relationship seriously.

Nicholas asks how many banks Jason robbed. He says he can’t possibly have enough money. Jason says he does and shows him a figure like they’re doing a real estate deal.

Curtis asks if Hayden wants him to go with her. She says too many people know what’s going on and Nicholas won’t try anything. She says she’s got good news and bad news. She doesn’t need his services any more, but once she gets the shares, she can pay him with a bonus.

Jordan tells Paul she got a call about a warrant for Anna’s arrest and asks what’s going on. He says he requested the warrant because Anna has lost her mind.

Anna starts wailing that she’s stranded and that she’s trying to save people and can’t. She pretends to cry, and when the guard gives her a hanky, she knocks him out.

Carrrlos says if Sonny had been smart, he would have stayed in the wheelchair, but instead he came looking for Carrrlos. Sonny says he bets Julian is disappointed, which gets Carrrlos pretty angry. Carrrlos makes him kneel in front of the Virgin Mary statue and tells him to pray. He wants to shoot Sonny just as he says “amen.”

Lulu tells Dante they’re supposed to tell the other person something about how they perceive them, and then perceived person is supposed to repeat it back to see if they understand one another. She says she feels that when Dante is in overprotective mode, he doesn’t always trust her.

Curtis tells Hayden that he likes her style and that if she stays in town, he hopes they could be friends. She says it’s the kindest thing anyone has said to her in a long time. They hug. Valerie, who is on her way into the restaurant, sees.

Nicholas says it’s a fraction of what the stock is worth. Jason says it’s more than he gave the Quartermaines. Nicholas says he’s not selling and Jason says he has no choice. If he doesn’t sell Jason the stock, Jason is going to the police with what he knows about Nicholas trying to kill Hayden. Wouldn’t this be a good way for Nicholas to get out of Hayden owning ELQ? What difference does the price make? It’s better than zero. Nicholas says they have a deal, but he wants it all in Spencer’s name.

Paul tells Jordan that Anna is chasing Carrrlos, and tells her what happened with Anna knocking him out. Jordan asks why she should believe him. He says the evidence will prove his story is true. She asks where Anna is now, but he says he doesn’t know.

Anna tells the unconscious guard that she’s sorry and leaves the plane.

Franco says he can tell Carly is hurt and apologizes for his part in that. He says he’s not sorry about Sonny though.

Sonny asks to say a last prayer. He talks about his sins and how he hasn’t always done the right thing. He says he knows he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, but he loves his family and hopes that means something. Carrrlos mocks him and says he sounds as pathetic and weak as Duke did. Obviously, this riles Sonny, and while Carrrlos is gloating, Sonny gets the gun from him and tells him it’s his turn to pray.

Sonny says when he thinks about Duke, in his heart he knows Carrrlos deserves to die. Carrrlos asks if he’s going to shoot him in a church in front of the Madonna. Sonny says that wasn’t the plan, but plans change.

Lulu and Dante attempt the exercise and she wonders how they got so out of sync. Lulu says they have to listen to each other more, so they can fix things before they get so far off track.

Hayden tells Curtis she could use a friend. She leaves and Valerie comes over to the table. He says he was just thinking about her. She says he could have fooled her and asks what’s up with Hayden.

Nicholas tells Sam he’ll never forgive her. She’s like, are you kidding after what you did to me and Danny? Nicholas says she would have been better off without Jason and there’s no good in him. He says Jason tried to kill him twice. I love how he acts like he’s some kind of good guy in all this. Jason says if Nicholas ever touches Sam again, he will kill him.

Dante gets closer and Lulu says the rules are no touching each other until they’re done working. I guess they must be done working, because they start kissing.

Curtis tells Valerie he’s allowed to have friends and Valerie is the only one he’s interested in. She was going to invite him to the graduation, but has doubts now. She says she’ll see him later. Huh?

Sam says Nicholas deserves to lose. She asks what Jason is planning on doing with the ELQ shares.

Hayden comes back and Nicholas says he sent the notary away. She says he has to sign the shares over and he doesn’t have a choice. Nicholas says it’s her that doesn’t have a choice because ELQ is no longer his to give her.

Jordan starts to call the CSU. She says they have to do a sweep. Paul says he thought she would want to keep it quiet for Anna’s sake. Jordan is like, really? He says he had the warrant issued because he wanted to protect Anna. He tells Jordan that she’s tried to kill Carrrlos before.

Sonny stands over Carrrlos with the gun. Anna comes in, distracting him. Carrrlos jumps up and a shot is heard.

Tomorrow, Morgan wants Carly off of his back, Kiki wants to go home, Andre wants to know what’s going on, and we want to know who got shot.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Marcie begs Brad not to open the summons. He does and Randal smiles crazy and nods his head. Brad moves toward Randal, but Louise and Marcie break it up.

Randal keeps laughing and saying he’s the boy’s father. He eggs Brad on and says it will make it easier for him and Alex. Like Alex even wants to be near him. Marcie drags Brad back toward the car.

Brad knocks on Kelly’s door. Alex begs her not to answer, but she asks Brad what he wants. Brad says to just open the door; he says he has something for Alex. Kelly tells him to leave it out front, but he says he has to give it to her himself. Kelly says the kids are there and they don’t need to see this. He keeps banging on the door and the kids come out of the bedroom.

Alex makes the kids go back into the room and lock the door. Kelly calls Ramses and asks him to come inside. He comes in the back door. Brad continues to bang on the door. Ramses answers and asks if they’re going to do this again. The kids see Brad and ask what’s going on.

Paisley asks if it’s about mommy having an affair and asks if they’re getting a divorce. Brad says yes. Peter says Brad told him he has to forgive people and this isn’t fair; they should just make up. Paisley wonders where they’ll go. Brad says he’ll still be close, but he doesn’t know where yet. Paisley pleads with him to stay.

Brad asks Kelly to help and she asks the kids to go back into the room with Justice because their parents need to talk. They give their dad a hug and go back in the bedroom, Paisley adding they’re not getting a divorce. Kelly tells Brad not to do this. He says he keeps getting pulled in.

Marcie tries to get Brad to leave, but he says he has to give something to Alex. He tells her to read it. She asks if he’s serving her and he says just read it. It’s a subpoena. Randal makes stupid faces in the background and Ramses pushes him off the property. Randal asks if Kelly finally got herself a man and insults her in general. She asks if he’s lost his mind and he screams for Alex.

Alex comes out in full attack mode and it’s pretty good. She whacks Randal all over the place and tells him if he plans on taking her child away, he better be in for one hell of a fight. She says she’s not doing this one more day; this is her son and she loves him. She tells Brad to go ahead and not forgive her and go ahead and have sex with Marcie or whoever he wants. She tells Randal if he keeps pushing her, she’ll show him how far a mother will go to protect her child. Randal says she can’t keep her from the baby and Alex says try her. Randal says he will. Marcie and Brad go back to the car and Alex goes inside.

Julius visits his father in the hospital. A woman is there and Julius asks who she is. His father tells her to tell him. She says she’s Tilda and she’s been with his father for 30 years. Julius acts clueless and says his father is married to his mother. Tilda says they’ve been secretly together. He asks how old she is and she says old enough. I honestly can’t believe he asked this, since she doesn’t look like a kid. Tilda says they’ve always loved each other and have a daughter a little older than Julius. Julius asks her to go outside, but his father says no. She tells Julius that Quan is also her son.

Tilda accuses Julius of having her son try to kill Eddie and shoot up the burger place. The old man says he tried to save the business for Julius, but he’s never listened. He starts getting excited and tells Julius not to disrespect Tilda. He says he swears he’ll leave everything to Tilda and his daughter and tells him to get out. He leaves and Tilda says she’s sorry.

When Tilda leaves, Julius gets in the elevator with her. He asks who the hell she is and she says his father just told him. He asks where his sister is and Tilda says she’d never tell him because he’s evil. He asks how his mother doesn’t know about this and she tells him to get out of her face. She says she’s the m-f of the year and get out of her face before she shows him.

Alex is sleeping. I’d be worn out too. Kelly tells the kids to keep it down. She apologizes to Ramses. He says he used to think his mother was stretching the truth about the drama there and Kelly tells him welcome to the neighborhood. She tells him thank you for everything and says how protective he was, and calls him a bad ass. He says it’s his military training. Kelly says he made her feel safe. Ramses says she should always feel safe.

Ramses asks what Randal was talking about when he asked Kelly if she’s buying another house she can’t afford for another man. Kelly tells him it’s a long story and says doesn’t he want to go and take a shower. He says she’s trying to change the subject. She tells him about Travis and how she thought they were getting married and bought the house in anticipation of that. She says the only thing he wanted to ask her is if they could be friends. Ramses says Travis didn’t know a good woman when he saw one.

Ramses says he knew guys like Travis in his unit and Kelly needs a man, not a boy. He leans in and Kelly thinks he’s going to kiss her, but he’s just getting his keys. He says he’d better go take that shower and he’ll talk to her tomorrow, but if she needs anything, he’s right next door. Good Lord, I wish they’d kiss already.

Ramses leaves and Alex comes out with the nameless baby. Kelly asks how long she’s been standing there and Alex says long enough. Kelly asks if she’s okay and Alex says she’s going home. Kelly thinks she should stay the night, but Alex says no. Kelly talks her into having a sleepover at her place with the girls. (How old are we?)

Nurse Tina talks to Andrew, the cop who’s worried about Pete. They know each other and he asks her to keep an eye on Pete. He says Ben is being sent over and she says he’s a drug addict and she can’t believe that’s who they’re sending. She tells Andrew about Ben’s stint in the hospital and how he was overdoing it with the painkillers. He asks that she really watch Pete, especially when Ben gets there. Tina says something is scaring him. Andrew says just watch Pete and call him later.

Natalie calls Lushion and leaves a message that she has something for him. She says she cleaned out some drawers and she’ll see him when he gets home. Esperanza calls and asks if she heard about the sleepover. Natalie asks how things are with Lushion and Eddie. Esperanza says she heard they’re going to be riding separately and Natalie says that’s good, isn’t it? Esperanza says she thinks it’s weird. Natalie says she’s worried about Lushion, but Esperanza tells her Lushion is smart and she shouldn’t worry. Natalie tells her to keep an eye on Claudia and that she was hitting on Lushion. Esperanza says she can’t stand Claudia and she’s trying to get her fired. Esperanza tells Natalie to buy a house and they’ll talk later at Alex’s.

Quan tries to kick some guys off of his corner. They won’t go and Quan says he’ll make a call to his people. Dude says he hears Quan has pissed off his people and he’s weak. He says he tried to kill Eddie and made a mess of things. He says if he catches Quan on his corner, he’s going to be Eddie’s bitch. Quan says we’ll see and leaves.

Esperanza tries to get information on Claudia, calling an old employer, but gets nowhere. She tells Lushion to call Natalie, and that they’re spending the night at Alex’s. She says she needs Lushion’s help with a problem. She says Claudia is doing a terrible job and she’s thinking of firing her. He says Claudia needs the job. Esperanza says she’s endangering people with her mistakes and she spoke to the people at her last job and they don’t know who she is. Lushion tries to defend her and Esperanza asks why and tells him what Natalie said. He says he’ll run Claudia’s file.

Lushion makes a phone call to a guy named Larry Lamont.

Loser Ben is guarding Pete. Eddie comes by and Ben says Pete is gong to pull through. Eddie says dead men tell no tales because he’s cliche like that. He gives Ben something to put in Pete’s IV since he can never do his own dirty work.

Just as Ben is about to mess with Pete’s IV, the nurse makes a phone call.

Next time, Julius tells Randal about his sister, Kelly tells the girls about Marcie and Brad moving in together and Natalie looks at a house.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Kyle is having a party that she planned long before the Dubai trip. Both Lisas are coming, but they’re not speaking to one another.

LisaR says she feels sad about the trip. She meets a guy whose name I didn’t catch for lunch and they discuss her QVC line and a talk show she has lined up. Lisa says her mouth always gets her into trouble, but wants to make some money.

Erika is glad Yolanda didn’t come on the trip. She tells Yolanda about the Munchhausen discussion, and how LisaR called LisaV a liar.

Ken tells LisaV that LisaR is a stupid bitch. Lisa says she thought Ken liked her, but he says not if she’s attacking his wife. You go, Ken!

Eileen tells Vince all about it, but like the average husband, he doesn’t really listen.

Erika says she tends to believe LisaR. Yolanda says she’s seen a pattern in LisaV’s relationships and we flash back to scenes with Kyle, Brandi and Yolanda with LisaV. While of course LisaV can do no wrong in my eyes and I want her to adopt me, this seems unfair. Girlfriends, especially those with strong personalities, are going to have altercations and Brandi is no one’s friend, despite Yolanda’s delusion about that.

Kathryn tells Donnie about it and he actually acts interested.

LisaR says she wishes she could erase the whole thing. Ken tells LisaV that LisaR isn’t “the full ticket,” and don’t listen to that stupid cow. That is so British, I laugh.

Kyle is getting ready for the party. She says everyone in Beverly Hills is always trying to outdo each other with parties, but she just likes to do what she likes to do. Amen, sista. I’d outdo, but in my own way. It all looks wonderful and it’s a house none of the ladies have seen, except for Kim. We flash back to the argument they had there.

Faye is in attendance and Kim is coming. Kim looks a lot better than the last time we saw her. She has some freakin’ color and has gained a pound. Camille is also invited. I love her. She’s a true survivor. Yolanda makes an appearance too. Yolanda and Kim have a chat about their children. Yolanda says she hasn’t found her short hair groove yet, but I think she’s rocking it.

LisaR takes Yolanda aside. Why must everyone always have these confrontations in inappropriate places? Lisa tells her about how she’s butted heads with LisaV lately. She talks about how she had said Yolanda was more manipulative than LVP and she’s sorry for that. In her individual interview, Yolanda says sometimes sorry isn’t enough and LisaR needs to STFU occasionally. LisaR tells Yolanda how LisaV is the one who first suggested Yolanda wasn’t sick, which is a flat out lie and now she’s pissing me off.

LisaR tells Yolanda she can be mad at her, and Yolanda says she’s not going to waste what little energy she has on that. Ha-ha! LisaR didn’t get the attention she wanted with that one.

LisaV says Kim looks great and asks if she’s getting shagged. I don’t want to know.

Erika and Eileen join Yolanda and LisaR. Kathryn comes by and then Kyle. They talk about Gigi doing the Victoria’s Secret stuff. Yolanda decides to have a drink. She sees LisaV at the bar and they go to chat.

Yolanda asks LisaV if she started the Munchhausen’s thing and tells her what LisaR said. Good Lord, I don’t know how much more of this I can take. This has been the main topic for weeks, and throughout Dubai, no less. Yolanda says that Lisa was friends with Mohammad long before her and she wasn’t about to confide in Lisa. The other Lisa craps her pants from a distance. Hope she’s wearing those Depends tonight.

Faye and Kyle join Yolanda and LisaV. They talk about how much better Yolanda is. Erika says something about LisaV’s cuff bracelet, which has been totally distracting me. Kathryn talks to Erika about the pecking order and how she thinks LisaR had worshiped LisaV for that reason. Erika thinks Kathryn has drunk the Vanderpump Kool-Aid and is a spokesperson for the Vanderpump brand now. Now it’s getting even more ridiculous.

Ken talks to Kim. She says she’s living in a more secluded area and loves it.

Erika asks Yolanda about her conversation with LisaV. Yolanda says Lisa denied being the harbinger of Munchausen. Yolanda wants to go sit down and they all go inside. Kim joins them and in her individual interview, LisaR says, and I quote, “Are you kidding me? Why is Kim Richards here?” Is she really this stupid? Why do you think Kim is there? Could it be because it’s her sister’s party? Does Lisa really think that Kyle would prefer her to Kim? Is this enough questions? I’m not a huge fan of Kim’s, but I’m starting to think I’d invite her to a party before I’d invite LisaR. I’ve always liked Lisa too. This has been a bit of a disappointment.

Kim wants to talk to LisaR alone. She says it’s awkward and that the last time they met, it wasn’t the best. Kim says she heard Lisa was enraged that she had lunch with Yolanda. Lisa asks what Kim wants or needs from her. Kim says it sounds like she’s carrying something against her and she wants to know what it’s about. Lisa says it’s complicated, there were things she didn’t know about, and the way Kim chooses to live her life is her business. Lisa says she hopes Kim gets better. Kim says she is better. Lisa says Kim’s life has been complicated, but Kim says she doesn’t know anything about her life. After a little more nonsense, Kim walks away.

Kim tells Kyle that Lisa was attempting to make her feel like she needs help. Kyle thinks Lisa should move on. Kim decides to go home.

LisaR tells Eileen about the conversation. Eileen says nothing has gotten resolved and it’s weird. Lisa says she’s leaving next, but Yolanda beats her to the punch. Yolanda doesn’t want to waste her energy on petty stuff and I have to agree with her on that.

LisaV tells Faye sorry she was rude to her at the other events. Pretty much everyone is leaving at this point. Faye tells Kyle about Lisa’s apology. Kyle says she judges her friends on their best moments, not their worst moments, and it’s a miracle.

The ladies hear about Yolanda’s divorce. LisaV is shocked as she thought their marriage was as strong as hers and Ken’s. We flash back to various times with Yolanda and David. Lisa talks about how David really seemed to be in love with her. Kathryn says he seems like the type who always has to be doing something. Kyle says it’s in sickness and in health, and she doesn’t know if Yolanda’s sickness affected her marriage or vice versa. Kathryn suggests maybe it’s Yolanda who fell out of love, but Lisa shakes her head.

Yolanda says she needed a healing space separate from the home she shared with David, so she gets a new condo. Erika says it has good energy. Yolanda says it feels good to be in her own space. Erika asks if anyone has reached out. Yolanda says they all have, but she feels cautious with everyone except Erika. Yolanda says divorce is like a death and if you stop making each other happy, you shouldn’t be together. She says David was her best friend and she misses that. She tells Erika her best days are ahead though, and Erika says she deserves it.

LisaR and Eileen meet for lunch. Lisa says they don’t always agree, but they always have each other’s backs. They talk about the divorce. Lisa says they knew a lot about Yolanda’s sickness, but not what was going on with the marriage. Eileen says had she been in Yolanda’s place, she might have done the same. Eileen hopes now that it’s out in the open, Yolanda will feel better.

LisaR says she never meant to hurt Yolanda, but she thought there was something else going on. I say she’s making it up as she goes along. Eileen says all she can do is be supportive.

Kyle says she’s mended fences with LisaV and she’s happy with the way things are.

Everyone has new projects coming up and Yolanda feels the best she has in three years. She says one day she and David will be great friends because even though the marriage didn’t work out, she still has love for him.

It’s the finale and we end with Yolanda and David looking at the view of their lemon grove a few months earlier, which is sad.

There was no preview, but next up is part one of the reunion. I wait with bated breath.

April 11, 2016 — GH, Charming Southerners & Dallas Wives

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Ned comes to visit Tracy. He says he’s so relieved that the surgery went well, he can’t even be his sarcastic self. Tracy says she told Monica she loved her and Ned wishes he’d gotten it on camera. Tracy says she’s feeling better and been out of commission for too long. She wants her phone to tell a “certain bitch” she’s back.

Hayden tells Nicholas they can’t continue with the tension. He says nothing is going to change on his end. She says unless he signs the documents she’s prepared, she’s going to the police with what she knows. She says Spencer is coming home and unless he signs, the next time his son will see him is behind bars.

Jason tells Sam he gets what Sonny is trying to do in righting a wrong.

Sonny and Anna confer on the plane. Sonny asks Anna if she’s having second thoughts because she seems distracted. She says there’s something she can’t monitor from there and he asks if she’s talking about Paul.

Paul’s mouth is still duct taped and he’s handcuffed to a banister in Anna’s house. He gets the tape off of his mouth.

Sam starts to straighten up. Jason says she’s clearly upset. She wonders if he was talking about Nicholas when he referred to righting a wrong.

Hayden says she needs control of ELQ to protect herself physically and financially. Nicholas says who’s to say she won’t call the police anyway? She says after he signs, she’ll create a statement about the shooting that will refute anything further. Nicholas wonders who she really is and calls her a greedy manipulator. She says it’s time for her to move on.

Laura comes in. She sees the bruises on Nicholas’s face and asks if he’s all right. Hayden says Nicholas was just saying good-by — to a lot of things.

Paul is unsuccessful in getting the handcuffs off of the banister. He looks through Anna’s mail on the table behind him and finds a paperclip.

Sonny says Anna said something cryptic about a loose end. She says it’s unimportant. He says they need to talk about what they’re going to do when they land. Anna is more concerned about what Sonny is going to do when he sees Carrrlos. She says there was a time she didn’t believe she could bring Carrrlos to justice. She says her goal now is to bring him back to testify. She says she told Carrrlos that’s what she wanted, but he’d thrown it in her face that she had no real evidence and he would walk, and she snapped, shooting him four times point blank.

Maxie tells Nathan how wonderful he is and that she’s sorry about what he went through with Claudette. He says it was a long time ago, but she says there must be scars. She tells him to talk to her.

Ned advises against Tracy making a phone call. She says it could actually help in her recovery. She tells him to text Hayden, “R, I am awake eagerly awaiting your visit.” Ned asks why the R?

Laura says she’s clearly interrupted, but Hayden says she’s leaving anyway. She gets the text and says she has to go, but the notary will be there soon and to have the documents ready when she gets back. When she’s gone, Laura asks what happened to Nicholas’s face and Nicholas tells her about Jason. Laura asks if Sam knows he tried to have Hayden killed. He says that’s the least of it and he’s about to lose everything.

Paul is getting frustrated with the paper clip and finally gets the cuffs open. He gets his phone and says he hopes for both his and Anna’s sakes, he’s not too late.

Anna says she thought Carrrlos was dead, but he was wearing a bullet proof vest. She thinks he was already working with Paul. She says she played right into their hands, acting like a vigilante rather than a cop. She says she didn’t trust in the judicial system. Sonny says the law didn’t give her justice and he would have done the same thing. Anna says where does it end, and that she doesn’t believe in a lawless society. She says hopefully, Carrrlos will turn on Julian and if she has to serve time, so be it. Sonny says it’s her word against Carrrlos, but she says she has no intention of lying. Sonny says the only problem is that she didn’t shoot Carrrlos in the head. She says that’s the very reason she didn’t want him looking for Carrrlos on his own. Sonny says they’re almost at their destination and they’ll get justice for Duke.

Maxie says she doesn’t understand how a woman could cheat on anyone as wonderful as Nathan, especially after he did her a huge favor. She tries to get the city Claudette lived in out of him, but he’s wise to what she’s doing.

Sam says Spencer shouldn’t suffer for Nicholas being evil. Jason says that’s why he’s not going to kill him, but he needs something legal. A light bulb comes on over Jason’s head.

Nicholas gets Laura up to speed about Hayden. She asks if he’s made up his mind to sign the documents, and he says he doesn’t see another choice. He says he’d love to go to prison just to make a point, but Spencer needs him. He says that’s only part of it though. Laura says she and Elizabeth would be accessories and asks if Hayden threatened him with that. Nicholas says yes.

Hayden comes to the hospital and introduces herself to Ned. Ned says he remembers her from the Nurses Ball as not being Jason’s wife. Tracy tells him to let them have some privacy. Hayden tells Tracy she really is glad Tracy is better and she had a real scare with the seizure. She’s brought Tracy a gift, a ceramic cat that’s symbolic of great fortune coming her way. Tracy says she takes it that they’ve had success with ELQ and Hayden tells her that they have.

When Sonny and Anna land, the border guards check Sonny’s passport and all is fine. However, Anna can’t get off the plane. There’s a warrant out for her arrest.

Maxie pleads ignorance, but Nathan says she’s not even being subtle with trying to get information. She says she’s just trying to fill in the blanks. Nathan asks if she thinks an old bad decision has any bearing on them now. She says of course not and he says back off then. She says if he doesn’t want to talk about it, she won’t bring Claudette up again — ever. Ha! Not to him anyway.

Anna says it must be a clerical error. The guard says she’s been flagged for assault in Port Charles. Sonny says something in Spanish and the guard says he hopes that wasn’t a bribe. Sonny says his Spanish is rusty and he was just asking for directions. Anna tells him he can’t leave her and he tells her crime doesn’t pay. Ha-ha! Sony the comedian.

Nicholas tells Laura he loves her and she says he’s a wonderful son. She says when she was sick, he stepped up to be her guardian, and he’s done a lot for his siblings. She says he’ll get past this.

Tracy tells Hayden to tell her everything. Hayden says despite all the obstacles, she’s prevailing. She tells Tracy that she got Diane to draw up papers and ELQ will shortly be out of Cassadine hands. Tracy says she’ll get Hayden’s payment and Hayden can sign the stock over to her and ELQ will be back where it belongs. Hayden says she’s keeping ELQ for herself.

Sonny meets a guy who he’s been working with and shows him Carrrlos’s picture. The guy says no one has seem him. On the plane, Anna argues with the guard. The guard gets a phone call for her. It’s Paul.

Hayden says Tracy changed the rules. Tracy says she’ll tell the world who Hayden really is and Hayden says go ahead. Tracy calls Ned in. Before Tracy can say anything, Hayden tells him that her real name is Rachel Berlin. She tells Tracy she no longer has anything to hide.

Laura says she wishes she could help Nicholas. He says he’d prefer her not being there when he signs the papers because signing them is defeat enough without an audience. He tells her to go pursue the key that Helena left her. Like we all don’t think he’s up to something. Laura cannot possibly be this clueless after all these years. She leaves and Nicholas looks through the papers.

Jason tells someone on the phone he’ll let them know when he’s ready to move. He tells Sam, let’s go and they leave.

Sonny says he thinks the neighborhood where they are is the best bet for surveillance and the guy should call him if he hears anything.

Maxie says she wishes she could stay in Nathan’s arms forever. He says him too, but he has to go to work. He says they should appreciate how lucky they are and not create problems where they don’t exist. He gets out of bed, and Maxie sneaks onto the laptop and searches for Claudette West.

Ned wonders why Tracy would be involved with Rachel. Hayden says should she explain or will Tracy? Ned gets a call and has to jet. Hayden tells Tracy she’ll take good care of the shares. Tracy says she’s going to tell Hayden’s enemies where she is and she’s not going to get away with it. Hayden says she already has.

Sam and Jason show up at Nicholas’s palace. Nicholas says he doesn’t have the patience for this today. Sam asks if he had a bad night. Jason says he’s going to make Nicholas an offer he can’t refuse.

Anna asks how Paul found her He says he has his ways. He says she can play down and dirty when she wants to, and she says not dirty enough. He says he didn’t think he’d be able to expedite things, but he found the right judge in Ecuador. She says he was in such a rush, he forgot about Sonny. She immediately amends that and says he deliberately held her back and let Sonny go because he’s hoping that Sonny will kill Carrrlos

Sonny goes to a chapel. The padre’s back is to him and Sonny says something in Spanish. When the priest turns around, it’s Carrrlos with a gun. He tells Sonny to get ready to die.

Tomorrow, Nicholas says he’ll never forgive Sam, Anna says someone is going to get hurt, and Carrrlos says he’s going to put a bullet in Sonny’s head.

Southern Charm

Cameran says she’s a modern Southern woman. She enjoys working and freedom it brings. Her new husband, Jason, is looking to start a family, but she’s not ready. So instead, she’s having her first dinner party.

Kathryn talks to Jennifer about Craig’s party. Kathryn doesn’t know if people don’t like her because they don’t like her, or is it just because of Thomas? She says people are still judging her as a gold-digger when she’s living with her parents. Kathryn says her goal is to settle down in her own place with the kids.

Thomas is taking care of baby Kensie. Someone needs to tell him that kid’s too young to be eating Pepperidge Farm Goldfish unattended. Thomas says that in the state of South Carolina, an unwed mother has full parental rights, but the father also doesn’t have to give her any money without a court order in place. Apparently, he’s being pretty cheap.

Shep visits Landon. She’s off the boat and renting a house now. She says she walked away with nothing from her marriage. She says she never had to think about money and now has to struggle and plan for a financial future. Welcome to the world. She doesn’t want to get a “mundane job” and is thinking of starting a magazine. Good luck with that. It takes two years just to make a profit. If you last that long.

Craig video chats with his mom, Marti. He’s submitting his application to the bar soon. He’s also gearing up for a new job. Doing what? Does he know how to do anything?

Cameran visits Patricia. Patricia introduces her to Anna, her new intern, and her new pet hedgehog. Cameran can’t figure out how she got into Patricia’s social circle, but it happened. She tells Patricia she was thinking about doing a crockpot dinner for her party, but Patricia thinks she should consult with a caterer and she’ll lend Michael to help with the cocktails. Cameran wants everyone to think she did all the cooking, but Patricia says no one will think that anyway.

Craig is going into a partnership with his friend JD, who has a hospitality group. He’s putting a 15K investment into the business, but will be working in it as well. JD says he has great potential and helped him out when he was in need, so he’s returning the favor.

Shep meets Craig at the bar. Shep has invited a few ladies to join them. Landon is there and says whenever she introduces a girlfriend to Shep, they end up hooking up and it becomes awkward for her, since he’s like a Golden retriever, chasing every new tennis ball that goes by. She talks to Craig about Shep when he’s only a couple of feet away. Since Shep invited one too many girls, he awkwardly sits in between them, wondering why they’re annoyed.

Suzanne, from the Charleston Academy of Domestic Pursuits (I’m not making that up), comes to Cameran’s place. Cameran is going to learn how to cook a dinner. She says she grew up eating Happy Meals and was never a society person. She knows one day she’ll have to host things and doesn’t want to come off like an idiot. She figures even if she can’t give Jason a child right now, she can at least give him a decent dinner.

Whitney and Patricia are meeting Thomas at a French restaurant for dinner. Whitney says he misses the old Thomas and has had enough of Thomas’s chicanery, which he pronounces in a weird, wrong way. They order dinner and Thomas acts like a total ass trying to speak French. Whitney calls it “Pepe le Pew French.” The food looks good, but I’m sure it’s over-priced.

Thomas talks about not being able to see Kensie as much as he wants to. Patricia thinks it’s despicable that Kathryn is using the baby as a pawn. Thomas asks about Patricia’s situation, and she tells him about how Whitney’s father shared custody along with her. She says they got along for Whitney’s sake, and he turned out to be “absolute perfection.” I choke. Whitney says Thomas has dug his own grave.

Kathryn is looking at houses. She’s hoping to move next weekend. Jennifer asks if she’s going to Patricia’s “Flamingo party,” but she says she wasn’t invited. Kathryn wants to know what she did to be treated so poorly. I’m guessing just existing and reacting to things like a normal human being.

Suzanne gets to Cameran’s prior to the party.She asks for a saucepan and Cameran brings out still wrapped wedding gifts. She explains that the clerk at the registry registered wedding gifts for her, since she didn’t have a clue what she’d need. Suzanne asks for a carving knife and Cameran pulls out more gifts.

Kathryn calls Craig and tells him she thinks she found a house. She wants to drop by and Landon tells him they have to get to Cameran’s party in a hour, and Kathryn isn’t invited.

At least Cameran knows how to dress herself and looks gorgeous. She thinks she overcooked the roast, but I disagree. Patricia arrives with martini-making machine Michael. He’s brought what looks like an old-fashioned doctor bag with the martini fixings in it. Michael explains how to carve something. He actually went to butler school and has been with Patricia since the year one.

Kathryn arrives at Craig’s. She tells Craig and Landon about the house she found. She asks what they’re up to and Landon says Cameron is cooking. Craig, ever the soul of tact, says it’s a dinner party and asks if she was invited. Idiot. Isn’t that obvious? Kathryn wishes people would disassociate her from her past. Craig says it’s wrong for everyone to give Thomas a pass when it takes two to tango.

Patricia and Michael help Cameran set up for the party. Craig, Naomie and Landon arrive, with Danni (who?) right behind. Shep and Whitney are next and after them a friend of Cameron’s named Chelsea. Dinner is served.

It’s buffet style, which I didn’t think was allowed in Charleston. Craig says a lot of girls in Charleston put on airs and play by some arbitrary set of rules, but not Cameran. The roast looks very good and Patricia says it’s delicious. Cameran asks Naomie what kind of ring she wants. Craig deflects it to when Whitney might even have a relationship. They talk about how long is a good amount of time to know each other before marrying. Patricia says there’s no mystery and romance anymore. You can send someone an email with a wine emoji, have sex and call it a day. She says it’s the end of Western civilization. She might be right there.

Craig asks why Thomas and Kathryn weren’t invited. Cameran says it’s awkward and she didn’t want any drama. Craig thinks they should reach out to Kathryn, but Patricia thinks Kathryn has no manners. I wouldn’t either around this crowd; my manners would totally go out the window. She then invites everyone to her Flamingo party. Craig thinks they should give Kathryn a chance. Patricia says it’s not their responsibility and Cameran thinks they shouldn’t waste any energy on her.

Next time, Shep wants to work with Cameran, Landon flounders, and Thomas whines to Patricia.

The Real Housewives of Dallas

Dammit! Now I have to learn a whole bunch of new names.

We start off at Brandi’s house. She was once a Cowboys cheerleader. She and husband Bryan are getting one of their daughters ready for school. She and Bryan met in eighth grade and are still together. Bryan is gone most of the time for business, which explains why they’re still together.

Next LeeAnne is out shopping with Tiffany. She points out that her hair isn’t high and she’s not wearing cowboy boots. Stereotypes refuted! LeeAnne is looking for outfits to wear at upcoming charity events, since you can’t be caught wearing the same thing twice. She does a lot of volunteering and hosting. Tiffany’s nickname is the “mouth from the south.” That sounds like a radio personality or Morton Downey, Jr. She’ll do fine on this show. LeeAnne grew up on the carnival circuit, so that’s an interesting plus.

Cary is a registered nurse and her husband is one of the most sought after plastic surgeons in Dallas. Very convenient. She’s also a breast cancer survivor. Mark is her third husband.

Brandi visits Stephanie. Their husbands are best friends and so are they. She calls wine “Jesus juice.” Please. Stephanie tries opening a wine bottle and hits herself in the head with the corkscrew. She basically does chores for an allowance from her husband. I’m not sure if there’s an entire brain between these two. They’re trying to set up the remote control for the garage door and Stephanie decides to just call someone to do it. It sounds to me like these two get drunk and stupid a lot.

Stephanie says she was raised in a church like the girl in Footloose. She says after she met her husband, Travis, they spent six months drunk and making out, and then got married. Golf is a big thing for them. Travis was raised in a wealthy family and Stephanie thinks sometimes his expectations are skewed because he thinks a wife should be more like Betty Draper. (Cold, drunk and smoking?) She adds that she can fart on command.

Cary is having a jewelry trunk show to support a charity for women who can’t afford reconstructive breast surgery. She says her husband Mark loves to cook and shop, and he’s a great wife for her. LeeAnne says the more events you chair, the more welcome you are in society, and the more powerful you are in society. Yawn. Simon and Alex McCord were so much more fun as social climbers.

Cary has everyone gather in the living room and a speech is made about the charity. She thanks the woman who provided the jewelry and says that they’re giving a whole 10% of the profits to the charity. Some of the girls hang out in the kitchen and pick at the food. Stephanie and Brandi discuss farting and LeeAnne leaves the room. Apparently not to fart. She thinks you should take it seriously or go home.

So far I’m waffling between bored and annoyed.

Tiffany and her husband, Aaron, go out for coffee. She misses Los Angeles. Aaron says he wanted to bring her home. She was a model and it sounds like a little too into the drug scene. Apparently the lifestyle became too much for her and she needed to get grounded. She asks if Aaron thinks they made the right decision and he says absolutely. She wants to buy him a Texas guitar. He’s a musician and needs some gigs for exposure, and she wants to make that happen. He plays some guitar and sings and it’s nothing special, although Tiffany gets all emo.

LeeAnne lives with her boyfriend Rich, who’s a cop. She says he’s soooo good-looking. Kind of. He looks like a more rugged Anderson Cooper. He’s promised to marry her one of these days.She says in every city there’s various categories of rich people, but she doesn’t fall into any of them. She’s impressed with herself though, since billionaires know her name. What the what is she wearing around her neck? It looks like a change purse hanging from some chains. No. Just no. I don’t care how much money you have. It’s no.

Brandi and Stephanie are back to drinking. Brandi does a mean LeeAnne impression that Stephanie wants her to display at tonight’s event. Brandi doesn’t think that would be the best idea though. She thinks LeeAnne uses the charities to publicize herself. She says she’s also had to introduce herself a million times to her. Yeah, I’ve known people like that. Despite her carnival past, LeeAnne is looking less and less attractive.

More drinking for Stephanie and Brandi out by the pool, where they talk about poop. What is wrong with these two?

LeeAnne’s friend, Marie, is hosting a charity dinner. Cary says a lot of the charity groups intermingle and do each other favors. Stephanie and Brandi show up and LeeAnne gets a look on her face like she’s back in her carnival days. She summons Marie. Brandi says LeeAnne always makes herself the center of attention when she shouldn’t be.

Yep, and Brandi is right on with her impression. While the charity guy is speaking, LeeAnne thinks he asked if he can get a witness and keeps shouting out stuff. LeeAnne claims she wants to see Brandi’s impression. She and Tiffany insist Brandi do her act, but Brandi says she’s not going to help LeeAnne be the center of attention.

I’m just going to get this out of the way. LeeAnne is a mean girl a-hole. I can just imagine what she was like in high school. That is, if she finished high school. In her individual interview she goes on about rules, while she stares holes in Brandi at the event.

Brandi sits down with LeeAnne. She says she doesn’t know LeeAnne well, and she only mimics people out of a sense of fun. LeeAnne says she’s very sweet and she understands that it’s just Brandi’s sense of humor. Brandi talks about how LeeAnne horns in on everybody’s stories at events. LeeAnne says she’s been through everything and that’s why she does so much charity work. Brandi suggests she’s insecure and says there’s a time and a place to tell her story. She says she feels sorry for LeeAnne and LeeAnne fake thanks her.

Stephanie joins them. Brandi brings up how when they were hearing stories about people with HIV, LeeAnne inappropriately brought herself into it. LeeAnne says she feels attacked. Okay. I don’t even know what to say about this. Except maybe that she belongs with the Potomac crowd. What I get from Brandi is that she might be immature, but I don’t think there’s a mean bone in her body. Not so much LeeAnne. Had I met her when I was younger, she would have walked all over me. Today, I wouldn’t give someone like her the time of day.

LeeAnne says she thinks Brandi is sweet, but hasn’t been on the scene very long. Brandi says her family is her priority. LeeAnne says she doesn’t have kids and goes on about why she does charity events. Brandi continues to tell her she needs help.

This season, there are lots of parties lots of gossip and lots of stupidity. LeeAnne wants to get married, Brandi’s brother tries to commit suicide, Brandi tells LeeAnne she’s full of it, Tiffany screams at LeeAnne, and LeeAnne punches the camera. Should be good.

April 8, 2016 — A GH Duo & Quoted Couches

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

I hope you got a chance to watch Vanderpump Rules: Secrets Revealed. My thanks to Bravo for changing the name of these extra shows from Lost Footage. My intelligence is insulted enough just watching these programs. Do they really think I believe they suddenly found a bunch of film behind the refrigerator like it was my prom pictures? (True story. My father found them two years after I moved away from home.) Often, Bravo saves the best for last, and the Vanderpump Rules show had a lot of fun scenes and behind-the-scenes clips. And a lot less angst. Most of it was everyone – gasp! – getting along.

General Hospital — Thursday

Ava wakes up on the couch coughing up a bloody feather and covered in blood. It’s a dream. Which is what I figured when she coughed up a feather.

Alexis comes home and Kristina asks how the business trip went. Alexis tries to make something up, but Kristina says she knows exactly where she was.

Paul goes to Sonny’s place. Carly tells him Sonny isn’t there and he says he’ll make do with her.

Anna is packing her weapons. She’s on the phone (I’m guessing with Robert), saying that she’s personally hunting down Carrrlos. Sonny is at the door.

Paul says he’s there about Carrrlos. Carly says they believe he’s on the run overseas. Paul says his office is doing everything they can to bring him to justice. He says they must be impatient to put this to rest. Carly says her only concern is Sonny’s safety.

Scotty calms Ava down. She tells him he’s not much use and he’s supposed to be protecting her. He says he didn’t know it was an invitation to her bedroom, and that he didn’t see anything. She asks what good he is and he says he asks himself that all the time.

Julian shows up. Ava doesn’t want to go back in the bedroom, so he asks Scotty to tell him everything that happened. Paul calls Ava and asks if she’s all right. She says no, that she just got another threat, but Paul’s phone isn’t working right. He says out loud it’s been on the fritz since — and remembers Anna borrowing it.

Sonny tells Anna she needs to keep busy and one way is tracking Carrrlos. She says the bug they planted must have been damaged because they couldn’t track him. Her suitcase pops open and Sonny asks if she’s expecting trouble or going to start some.

Kristina says that she called Parker and asks why Alexis can’t stay out of it. Alexis says she thought she knew her own daughter better than Kristina knew herself and she was wrong.

Sam and Jason bask in the afterglow. He asks her if she has regrets. She says that depends. They make silly talk and start kissing. Jason asks what’s on Sam’s mind. She says she was wondering if he remembered anything. He says no and that it felt natural, yet like a first experience, the best of both worlds.

Kristina asks what went on with Parker. Alexis says she doesn’t remember all she said, but she did ask if Parker influenced Kristina. Alexis says Parker set her straight, so to speak. Ha-ha!

Ava asks Julian what he thinks. He says a lot, but he doesn’t want to say in mixed company. Scotty goes to get bagels and find a final resting place for Tweety. Julian wants to get Ava a real bodyguard. He says the source of the message is obvious.

Anna tells Sonny to be honest for once and she knows that he has no intention of bringing in Carrrlos alive. Sonny says his goal is to send Julian to prison and once Julian is locked up, he won’t be disrupting Sonny’s business and family. Sonny says they have the same interests and there’s no use in Carrrlos being dead. Anna says he’s persuasive in Port Charles, but she’s not sure how he’ll be face to face with Carrrlos. They talk about the possibility of Carrrlos being in Ecuador. Sonny says he’ll meet her on the tarmac. Anna says if he so much as looks at Carrrlos funny, she’s going to have a problem with him.

Sonny leaves. Paul is on the porch. He asks Anna why Sonny was there.

Jason asks if it was always so intense between them. Sam says it was always quality, but this time it was different. She says she’s trying to be cool. Jason asks that they agree not to tiptoe around each other. Sam asks what they should tell other people.

Ava assumes Julian thinks Sonny did it and says she’s going to lay waste the Corrinthos organization. Julian says she has no back-up and Ava says she thought he smoothed things over. He says he’s working on it, but the organization doesn’t think they owe her any loyalty. He says Sonny didn’t put the bird in her bed. He might want her gone, but not dead.

Anna says Sonny is a friend of the family and it’s none of Paul’s business. Paul says her ongoing association with him makes it look inappropriate for his office. She says she’s going on a trip. Paul is wise to it and says her quarry is Carrrlos, and he knows Sonny is coming along.

Sonny tells Carly he has to leave for something important and time is of the essence. Carly thinks other things are more important than going after Carrrlos and that she knows that’s what he’s doing.

Alexis says no matter how many mistakes Kristina has made, she’s made more. She says that it’s her own fault that Kristina didn’t confide in her, and that somewhere along the line she made Kristina feel unsafe. Alexis says Kristina can always rely on her now and forever, and she’s sorry.

Jason wonders who would care and Sam says her sisters for one. He says they’ll tell people they’re starting fresh, rather than starting over.

Paul asks if Anna has allied herself with Sonny. She says she has no clue where Carrrlos is, since the only contact he’s had is with Paul. Paul says maybe she’s heard something. Anna says Paul is scared that Carrrlos will bargain for a lighter sentence by giving Paul up. She says she’s made peace with the fact that she might have to pay for what she did and suggests Paul do the same.

Kristina says she forgives Alexis and Alexis asks what they can do to keep communication open. Kristina says she’s afraid to talk to Alexis because whatever she says, she runs into a wall of Alexis’s expectations. Kristina says she doesn’t know who she is anymore. Alexis says she’s confused too, so they might as well be confused together. Kristina says it sounds confusing but good. Alexis asks what they’re going to do about Sonny.

Carly tells Sonny to let the Feds handle it. He says Carrrlos is in a place the Feds can’t reach. He says he has to do this personally. Carly says he doesn’t know what’s waiting for him, and that Carrrlos could have something bad waiting. Carly says with Sonny out of town, what if Ava uses the opportunity to take Avery?

Julian says he thought he’d handled things and Ava says the bloody feathers in her bed prove otherwise. She wants names and she wants to make them pay. Julian says with what? He says they look at her as a snitch whether she was or not, and she’s on her own. She asks if he’s deserting her too.

Kristina says she’s not sure anything needs to change with her dad. Alexis says Sonny loves her, but Kristina says at this point, at best it will baffle him.

Sonny says Ava is no match for Carly and she isn’t going to do anything. Carly says she has a bad feeling, especially after the last time Sonny came up against Carrrlos. He says everything will be fine, he has to do this, and to have faith in him.

Ava says she still has one card left to play — Paul. Julian says Paul has proven himself to be untrustworthy. She says he’s all she’s got and he cares about her. Julian says it will make her more of a danger if she gets police protection. He says he’s not going anywhere and nobody goes after his sister. He says now he knows what measures to take. She asks what he’s going to do and he says the next time they see one another, this will be over.

Anna says she’s not going to sit by and watch Carrrlos commit more crimes. Paul goes on about what it will do to their families if they end up getting locked up. She says her family deserves better than that and she wants to live in truth rather than die a liar.

Sam wonders what there is to eat. Jason says he has ketchup packets. She doesn’t want to face the world yet, so he says they’ll order in. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Carly and Jason says not right now, but she says it’s important. Sam comes out and everyone looks at each other.

Julian meets Hammer. He says he didn’t get his point across and he wants his sister left alone. He says whoever didn’t back off is going to be sorry.

Scotty comes back with the bagels. Ava thought maybe he got distracted by a tennis ball or chew toy. She tells him he’s fired as her bodyguard. He says she’s not dead, so his job was done, and she tells him to get out. He says he always lands on his feet and to enjoy her alone time. He tells her not to get her kids any pets. Ava tells him to wait.

Hammer says he delivered Julian’s message, but can’t help it if they weren’t persuaded. He says to tell them it wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order. He’s going to be running things effective immediately. I thought he already was.

Alexis says she won’t tell Sonny anything, although she suggests Kristina talk to him. Kristina says she’s rather have her father not know the truth than have no father

Sonny comes downstairs to see Carly is gone.

Carly apologizes for interrupting. She says Sonny needs Jason.

Paul says no one, least of all Duke, would want her to throw her life away, and her grief has impaired her thinking. He says since she’s incapable of thinking clearly, he’s going to do it for her. He starts to call the commissioner and Anna chloroform him. Since she just happens to have that handy.

Anna says she needs protection from no one.

Nina and Franco turn up the heat, Tracy comes out of surgery, and Andre comes to see Anna.

General Hospital — Friday

Nina has oysters, champagne and chocolate on tap. Franco comes in and says he thought she said there was a fire. She asks him if he can feel the heat. Woo-woo!

Dillon and Monica are fretting over Tracy. Griff says he was able to remove whatever and Finn is in her room. Finn is encouraging her to wake up.

Carly tells Jason that Sonny is going after Carrrlos.

Sonny tells Michael that he’s going away.

Paul lies on Anna’s floor, unconscious. Anna says he brought this on himself.

Finn is frustrated. He says since Tracy can’t hear him anyway, he’s gotten attached to her. He tells her he wants to win his Monopoly money back. Her eyes flutter open. He tells her congratulations she survived and has time to change her evil ways.

Anna tells Paul they’re both going to brought up on charges, but it will be worth it. Paul is still out, but his mouth is duct-taped shut. Before Anna can get out the door, Andre is knocking.

Sonny says he knows Dante has been asking questions and the less Michael knows the better. Michael says it doesn’t matter because he’s coming along.

Carly wants Jason to stop Sonny. She says he’ll listen to Jason. Jason says he used to, but why should Sonny take his advice now? Carly says that to Sonny, he’s still the same man.

Tracy says she feels like she was hit by a bus. Finn says she was; it’s called surgery. She doesn’t remember much, so he tells her about the seizure and that Griff performed the operation. He says she made it and she thanks him.

Dillon starts to think the surgery was a mistake. Griff tells him there was no other option. He and Monica tell Dillon she should be fine. Finn comes out and tells them Tracy is awake and that Griff did good work. He says she has a ways to go though. Griff asks Finn if he’s okay.

Dillon thanks Griff and tells Monica he’ll meet her in Tracy’s room. Monica asks Griff if there will be permanent behavioral changes and he says there’s no way to know yet.

Nina tells Franco to drink up and get ready for round two. He asks what’s up and she says she’s very happy. She thinks Dr. Lee will tell her she’s not going to have a problem getting pregnant. He says he thought they’d agreed they’re not having a baby. Nina says she figured she might as well finish the exam and they might have created a bundle of joy just now.

Andre says that Jordan has launched an investigation and asks how Anna feels about that. He thinks Carrrlos might say something. He asks if he can come in, but Anna says no, it’s not a good time.

Sonny says if he brings Michael, Carly won’t forgive him. Michael says he’s old enough to make his own decisions. Sonny says he needs Michael to help with Carly and the kids, adding there’s something Kristina isn’t telling him. He asks Michael to visit Morgan, but not let him know what’s going on. Michael says what if he refuses. Sonny says he won’t because he knows how important it is and he’s the responsible one. Sonny says he’ll look after Sabrrrina and the baby. Michael tells him to be careful

Carly tells Sam what’s happening and that she wants Jason to talk Sonny down. Carly begs Jason to talk to Sonny and Sam says it’s up to him.

Franco says he can’t believe Nina went behind his back and what part of not wanting kids doesn’t she understand. She says she thought he was just trying to spare her feelings in case she was infertile. He says he enjoys being around children, but the damage he sees day in and day out confirms his feelings about not having them. The phones rings. It’s Dr. Lee.

Dillon and Monica go in to see Tracy. Dillon says he and Ned could barely keep it together and even went to the chapel to bargain with God. He tells Tracy he loves her and that Ned is on his way. Monica tells her being the most hard-headed woman in the world has helped her this time. Tracy wants to tell her something. She tells Monica she loves her, and I tear up.

Finn is looking at himself in the bathroom mirror and he doesn’t look well. He needs his shot. He can’t get into his locker and gets frustrated. He finally gets it open, but Griff interrupts. He says he wants to thank Finn. Finn says this doesn’t make them buddies.

Jason goes to Sonny’s place. Sonny says he’s welcome there any time, but he’s on his way out. Jason says Carly talked to him. Sonny says unless he wants to help, they have nothing to say.

Andre asks Anna if she’s really in a hurry or is it about Jordan. Anna is like, huh? and he says maybe she’s uncomfortable with them dating, since Jordan is uncomfortable with his and Anna’s friendship. Anna says not at all, but she is in a hurry. Andre starts to babble. Paul makes a noise and Andre asks what that sound is.

Finn brushes Griff off. Griff says he just wanted Finn to know how grateful he is. He asks if Finn is coming down with something and Finn says what he needs is time alone. Griff says after a surgery he likes time by himself to thank God for getting him through. Finn says if he believes God is in the operating room, God help them all. Griff tells Finn if he needs to talk, he’s there for him, and he’ll leave God out of it.

Monica and Dillon think it’s the medication talking. Tracy says she should have said something before the surgery, but Monica means the world to her. Michael comes in and they give her time alone with him. Michael says he’s glad she’s still here, and she says she wasn’t going to let some worms take her out.

Anna makes up something about Emma being sick. Andre asks her if she wants him to check Emma out.

Carly asks if Sam and Jason are back together. Sam says they’re where they need to be for now.

Jason says he told Carly that Sonny wouldn’t listen, but he promised to try. He says Carly loves him and is afraid of losing him. Sonny says he can’t change and she knows that. Jason says that’s not true because he changed. Um…that’s probably not a good choice for a comparison.

It’s bad news from Dr. Lee. Nina is crying. Franco says he’s sorry, but Nina says he must be relieved. He says he loves her and she says if he did, he’d want her to have his baby. She says good for him, he got what he wanted, and how dare he comfort her.

Anna says she already went to a pediatrician. Andre keeps insisting on helping her. She says she doesn’t need any help and she has to go. Andre says he knows she’s lying, but also knows there’s no point in asking more questions. He says he hopes she trusts him enough one day to let him know what’s going on.

Anna apologizes to Paul before knocking him out again.

Sam says she knows Carly wishes that Jason wold remember everything so it could go back to the way it was. Carly says although she’d love for him to protect Sonny, she’s glad he and Sam happy. Sam says she wants Jason to be safe, but he needs to make his own decisions. Carly says she accepts Jason as he is and that’s why he and Sam belong together. Sam says the same goes for Carly and Sonny. Carly says she can’t accept it this time. She’s scared she’s going to lose Sonny. Sam says what if Jason can’t talk him out of it.

Sonny says Jason is still the same person; look how he ended up with Sam again. Jason says Sonny lived through the shooting, why risk his life to go after Carrrlos now? Jason says this is what he expected though, and Sonny says Jason still knows him.

Franco tells Nina she knows how much he loves her. Nina says he got what he wanted — no kids — and tells him to go celebrate. She says he wins and smashes the champagne bottle.

Finn gives himself a shot in one of the shower stalls.

Michael tells Tracy he hasn’t been paying as much attention to the ELQ lawsuit as he should have been. Tracy says it’s all been put in perspective now.

Jason tells Sam what happened with Sonny. He says Sonny told him he’s not that different. Sam says she told him that. Jason says she’s changed, but she says she’s just more cautious and that when you have people you love, the world is a scary place.

Carly comes home to no Sonny. Her phone rings. It’s Sonny calling from a private plane. He apologizes for not saying good-by in person. He says Jason did try to talk him out of it. Carly says she had to try. Sonny says to give his love to the kids and to get the speedboat fixed because they’re going for a ride when he gets back. She tells him to be careful and they say I love yous.

Anna joins Sonny. Sonny says he was dealing with some obstacles. Anna says her biggest obstacle was the DA.

Griff is ringing the bell at Anna’s . He leaves a Teddy bear by the door with a note for Emma. Paul remains unconscious.

Anna reminds Sonny he gave her his word that he’s not going to kill Carrrlos.

On Monday, Nathan tells Maxie he knows what she’s doing and to stop it, Nicholas refuses to sign anything, and Anna tells Sonny that they’ll have the ultimate justice.

The People’s Couch Quotes of the Week, Plus One

Sarah Paulson’s performance is so fabulous, she makes us think we don’t know what’s going to happen. Blake, referring to The People vs. OJ Simpson.

Why am I watching this? It just makes me angry again. Teddy, referring to The People vs. OJ Simpson.

Do not sing along with this. This could be very painful. Teddy, a request to her friends before Carpool Karaoke.

They could have just gotten Chris Tucker to play Chris Tucker. He ain’t worked in so long, he’ll take a discount. Princella, referring to Rush Hour.

To Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan…still not working. Brandy making a toast to Rush Hour.

And too delicious to resist:

I want a black jacket like a fat kid wants cake. Jared from Hell’s Kitchen

April 6, 2016 — GH, Little LA, Little Family &Welcome Back NYC

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Alexis comes to Parker’s office. She says Parker has been ignoring her messages and she’s not leaving until they talk. She wants to know if Parker took advantage of Kristina.

Ava asks Julian if someone from the organization is after her. He tells her no, it’s Sonny.

Sonny tells Carly they have a lead on Carrrlos. She tells him to ignore it.

Nicholas says he doesn’t want a stranger under his roof. Curtis says they have proof he tried to shoot Hayden. I have news for Nicholas too, Curtis isn’t a stranger to his wife, so too bad.

Sam wonders why Nicholas let Hayden stay at Windemere after the shooting. She’s finding it hard to believe he’d have Hayden shot just to keep them in the dark about Jason. She says they always called him the “good Cassadine.” She doesn’t think it makes sense and it’s not the man she knew. Jason thinks he’s capable of anything.

Nicholas says he doesn’t have to put up with Hayden’s associates. Curtis says if she insists on playing house with him, he’s going to make sure she doesn’t die trying. Hayden tells Nicholas he doesn’t call the shots anymore. I love this.

Kristina tells Molly she told Alexis about Parker, but she didn’t exactly respond well. Kristina says Alexis told her she’s just confused and thinks Parker was influencing her and took advantage of the situation. Kristina say Alexis doesn’t want to believe she’s gay.

Parker tells Alexis she didn’t take advantage of Kristina. Alexis says she told her everything. Parker says if she included Parker seducing her, it isn’t true. Alexis says there’s a power discrepancy, but parker says she didn’t use that Alexis asks how Kristina would have come up with offering her sex for a better grade. Parker says the conversation is over. Alexis threatens to make a scene. Parker says she’s saying nothing else without a lawyer. Alexis says she is a lawyer and she’s not leaving without answers.

Alexis says she’s not a 20 year old student open to manipulation. Parker says she didn’t seduce Kristina and she’s not recruiting her for any gay agenda. She says Kristina needs her mother.

Kristina tells Molly she’s not the person Alexis wanted her to be. Molly says maybe what Alexis is worried about has nothing to do with her being gay or not. Kristina wonders what Sonny si going to do when he finds out.

Ava puts two and two together, realizing that the longer she’s scared, the longer Avery stays with Sonny. She says she’s going to get her daughter.

Sonny says he thought they were trying to avoid the escalation of violence and that bringing in Carrrlos and sending Julian to prison is the best thing they can do for their family. Carly is afraid Sonny is gong to get hurt.

Nicholas asks Curtis who he thinks he is. Curtis says someone who has proof that Nicholas had Hayden shot. He says he has enough to reopen the case and that Nicholas’s mother will get dragged into it too. He says if they retest the bullet and find out that it came from another gun, it will open a can of worms that will end with his ass on trial for conspiracy and attempted murder.

Sam says no way would Nicholas have had someone shot for Elizabeth and that he did it for his greedy self. Jason goes in the other room and Sam leaves.

Julian tells Ava that rushing to Sonny’s in the middle of the night isn’t the way to do it. He says Sonny might have sent her the black rose, but there’s still hostility with the organization. He says not to tempt fate by giving an ultimatum to Sonny. Ava says she should have known better and won’t make that mistake again.

Kristina says Sonny sees things in black and white, and to tell him she’s confused will make things worse. Molly says that if he finds out elsewhere, he’ll be angrier.

Julian wants to talk to Kristina. He says that Alexis told him about what’s going on. Kristina asks if Alexis admitted being disappointed in her and Julian says the only one she’s disappointed in is herself.

Alexis says Kristina knows she loves her unconditionally. Alexis says she’s only had boyfriends and wonders if she’s just using her sexuality as a defense. Parker says it’s possible, but Kristina is just a friend. She says Kristina’s perception got skewed. Alexis says she’s talking about not going back to school. Parker says she’s terrified of rejection and losing her family’s love. She needs to feel that the life she has with her family isn’t going to change. She looks up to Alexis and wants her mother. Parker tells Alexis to listen and pay attention. Alexis asks if Kristina said she didn’t. Parker says not in those words and tells Alexis about Max sniffing around. Parker says Kristina is second-guessing herself because an attraction to a woman might alienate her from her parents.

Carly tells Sonny to let Anna handle it and not put himself in the line of fire. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Ava.

Hayden tells Curtis to give Nicholas time alone to adjust and they’ll fix up a room for him. They go upstairs and Sam knocks on the door. Sam starts yelling at him about having Hayden shot and says she’s calling the cops and turning him in for attempted murder.

Julian tells Kristina to give Alexis a break. He says maybe her reaction had to do with her being worried about more than Kristina’s sexuality. He says Alexis would do anything for her kids.

Alexis tells Parker that she and Sonny don’t look at life thought the same lens. She says that Sonny’s son is gay and she helped them to get closer. Parker says she really didn’t influence Kristina, that they had a connection, but she’s married and Kristina is a student. Alexis says she didn’t handle things well and Parker tells her to get to know Kristina and to make sure she knows she’ll love her no matter what.

Ava tells Sonny she knows about him sending the black rose. She says Kiki is almost ready to come home, and when she does, she’s bringing Avery home too. She leaves. Sonny tells Carly they won this round.

Sam goes ballistic on Nicholas and asks him if he’s out of his mind. Nicholas struggles with her over the phone. Jason comes out and kicks Nicholas’s ass. Curtis tries to intervene, and Jason punches him too. Jason is about to choke Nicholas out and Sam tells him to let go. Hayden says she’ll have him arrested if they don’t get out and they leave. Hayden tries to helpNicholas. Curtis says he’s seen some bad dudes in his day, but Jason is lethal and out of control (just the way I like him). Hayden says he almost killed Nicholas and Curtis asks what she’d do then.

Sam wonders what the hell just happened. Jason notices the bruises on her arm. She says she doesn’t care about Nicholas, she cares about Jason and their family. He says he wanted to kill Nicholas. They kiss

Hayden says she doesn’t know what she would have done. Curtis says he’s there for her and tells her to protect herself when she isn’t with him.

Beat up Nicholas gets a drink. Hayden comes into his room and puts ice on his wounds. She’s obviously upset. She wets a cloth and wipes his face. They make googly eyes at each other.

Sam notices Jason is bleeding and he says it’s okay. Apparently it’s more than okay because they get nakey.

Julian asks Kristina to be more understanding. Kristina says she can’t exactly hold it against Alexis, since she’s not even sure herself. Julian says he got a text saying Alexis had to go out of town but she’ll be back in the morning.

Alexis thanks Parker for her understanding and putting up with her accusations. Parker says she hopes Kristina continues her studies and finds someone worthy of her love. Alexis leaves and Kristina calls Parker. Kristina says she took Parker’s advice and started telling people about how she feels. Parker says Alexis just left.

Carly tells Sonny Ava could take them to court for harassment. Sonny brings up Kiki and why she was shot and how Avery is safe. He hopes Ava takes it to court because she’ll be cutting her own throat. He heard that the Jerome organization is still angry and Ava isn’t out of the woods.

Ava gets ready for bed, then gets under the noisiest covers ever. She jumps back out and there’s a dead bird in the bed. I guess the organization’s budget is tight.

Hayden gets into bed with Nicholas. He takes a knife out of the nightstand drawer and puts it next to his pillow. Hayden does the same.

Sam and Jason get busy . Song part.

Tomorrow, Ava complains to Sonny about not protecting her, Jason asks Sam if she has any regrets, and Sonny asks Anna if she’s causing trouble or looking for it.

Little Women: LA

When we last left, we were in the middle of a bar fight between Christy and Terra. Christy leaves with Briana after hurling various insults at Terra, after they both hurled various drinks at each other. Outside the bar, Christy says she got hit in the head, but we need a flashback on that. I didn’t see anything except liquid hit anyone. Jasmine says when she planned the bachelorette party, she had no idea everything would lead to a fight of this magnitude.

Christy whines to Briana about not telling her she was pregnant. Briana says she didn’t tell anyone. She says that her announcement didn’t exactly go as planned. She also knew Christy would be the most difficult one to tell, since she’s been trying to get pregnant herself. They talk about Terra being out of control and Christy whines about her head again. Briana says Terra is toxic and they don’t need this. Christy cries some more about Briana being pregnant. She says she’s happy for Briana, but she wants a baby too. She says maybe she should give Matt a second chance and Briana says that would mean a lot to her.

The rest of the girls come out and Christy says she’s going home.

Tonya invites Terra and Elena over for a special project. She wants to help at the food bank. They talk about the other night being stressful. They go over what led to throwing stuff. Elena got a text from Briana that Christy went to the hospital with a concussion because she got hit with a glass. Seriously, this is highly doubtful.

Elena calls Christy and puts it on speaker. Christy says she threw a plastic cup, but Terra threw a glass. Tonya tells her if she needs anything to call. Elena says it sounds like Christy is really injured and thinks Terra should apologize. Terra thinks Christy should apologize first.

Briana booked a resort in Lake Arrowhead for the wedding. She and Matt go to check it out. Matt asks if Briana is inviting her family, but Briana is on the fence about it. She’s also on the fence about Christy and tells Matt about what happened at the bar, and how Christy wants to give Matt another chance. She says she’s still questioning whether Christy is a good friend or not. Matt thinks it’s interesting how he’s been accused of being violent.

Elena and Preston go to a doctor’s appointment. Elena is now 13½ weeks along. She gets a sonogram. The doctor finds the first baby’s heartbeat easily, but makes Elena nervous when it’s difficult to find the second. The babies are fine though. Not so much the weight Elena has gained so far.

Jasmine shows up for the look-see at Lake Arrowhead. Briana is disappointed in the venue because it’s not exactly little people friendly. The manager points out that if there’s no snow outside, there will be mud, and that’s the deciding factor for them to look elsewhere.

They all discuss Terra. Jasmine thinks she does care. Matt asks Jasmine if she would be friends with someone who disrespected her husband whenever they get the chance, and she says no.

Elena visits Jasmine. Jasmine gives her a maternity body pillow. They talk about Christy’s hospital visit going viral and Elena brings up a TMZ article on her phone. It says she has two brain contusions. Elena wonders if it wasn’t Christy who leaked the story. Jasmine says Terra wasn’t the only one fighting and that Christy participated too.

Christy says her headache won’t go away. Her mother asks what the doctors said, since she went to two. Christy claims she has lesions on her brain. She says she has to monitored closely for the next few days. Her mom says she shouldn’t have driven home and Christy says she doesn’t remember doing it. She describes the fight, but it’s not exactly how we saw it. Todd says she needs to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Christy says she was a victim of domestic violence and talks about it being traumatizing to be hit by another person. This is annoying me since she basically started the fight.

Briana and Elena go shopping for baby stuff. Briana tells Elena about the wedding venue not working out and how she’s stressing over it. She also tells Elena that Christy filed a police report against Terra. Briana says she’s still not sure about inviting Christy to the wedding and how she said she was having second thoughts about Matt. Elena thinks Christy is looking for attention and calls bs about the Matt thing. Briana isn’t thrilled with Terra’s insults.

Joe and Terra go out for lunch. Terra says life is chaos right now and she just wants to hang out with Joe. Joe asks about the bar incident and Terra tells him that Christy threw something at her and she threw it back. Joe tells her that they have way more to lose and she shouldn’t have thrown something at the biggest opportunist in the world. Terra says she’ll apologize and move on. Joe says if she presses charges, they’ll press them back, since Christy threw the first punch…er, ice tea. Joe says it’s not worth it. Terra agrees. Although he’s joking around, Joe seems pretty upset.

Tonya thinks the ladies need a new perspective, so she’s making them come with her to help at the food bank. She and Elena get there first and Terra is right behind. She’s getting a non-stop onslaught from the media. She’s telling everyone no comment, but says Christy is milking it for all it’s worth. She says she’s tried to call and text Christy, but there’s been no response. She thought Christy would be there today, but says that Christy has posted on social media that she’s back at the hospital. Tonya wants to drop it and clear their heads by helping the hungry.

Jasmine and Briana get there. As they’re filling carts with produce, they start talking about Christy. Briana isn’t okay with it though. The manager asks for three of them to come in the back. Jasmine, Briana and Terra go with him. Jasmine says the silence is deafening and asks how the two of them are doing. Briana says she’s not mad or holding on to anything. Terra says she was hurt by being ignored and it was hard for her to be excited about Briana’s announcement. Briana says she feels hesitant about moving forward. Terra says she can’t force anyone to have a friendship and says she’s giving up. In her interview, Briana seems miffed about that, but you can’t have it both ways.

Matt and Briana decide on a venue. Matt asks her which girls she’s going to invite. He doesn’t want Terra there, but it’s up to her. Briana says they talked and Terra was upset because Briana didn’t answer her texts. She says she doesn’t work at the same speed though. She says although she and Tonya are cordial, she and Terra are done, and she’s not inviting either one of them.

Briana talks about Christy, saying she might regret not having her there, but as it stands, she’s not inviting Christy either. She doesn’t want to bring the drama to the wedding, and she’s not putting the wedding on hold. Matt says he believes Christy does care about her.

Next week, Briana’s wedding outfit is completed, Terra asks Elena about a C-section, Christy shows up uninvited to the wedding, and so does the press.

Terra’s Little Family

Terra goes with Tracy to her doctor’s appointment. There’s a chance she might be having the baby today. Tracy gets emotional and calls her husband. The doctor comes back and says not today. Terra breathes a sigh of relief, especially since she has the shower planned for the next day.

Penny is almost 8 months and is going to start eating pureed food. Joe and Terra are putting together a high chair. Joe says real men don’t need directions, but ends up referring to them pretty quickly.

Terra asks for help in planning the shower. She asks Joe if he’ll be in charge of Penny and feed her for the next 24 hours, but he’s afraid. He says it’s more difficult for him to lift her, but Terra says she has faith in him.

Joe is feeding Penny and wishes they could just throw back some barbecue and wings. He tells Penny she’s the cutest thing in the world and that’s why Terra wants another one of her. She is pretty adorable.

Terra comes back with a pinata and some balloons. She says Tracy gave her a wonderful baby shower and she wants to do the same for her. Terra talks about having baby number two, but Tracy and Terra think she’s nuts since she still has an infant. Terra says she was a nanny to a five and two year old, but Tonya says it’s not the same when you’re carrying one inside you.

Joe is checking out a father/daughter music class with Penny. He tells Penny that they’re going to awaken her inner artist, but she’s still going to college because he doesn’t want her playing birthday parties in an Oompa Loompa suit. He gives her fatherly advice, including don’t get bad credit, don’t take a job where you wear nachos in your hat and don’t have sex with rappers or Charlie Sheen.

The shower is in full swing. They make clay images of what they think Tracy’s baby is going to look like, while eating some tasty-looking food.

Joe has doubts about the music class. They start off with some percussion instruments. Joe says so far the class isn’t very rock and roll. Penny tries to eat the drumsticks. Joe says he’s starting to see himself in Penny. He says it ended up being an amazing day. He talks to her while she sleeps, telling her there will be people who look at her as different, but she’ll also have good friends. I’m hoping by the time Penny gets older, the differences won’t matter so much.

Pinata time! Everyone is having a blast and Terra says she came, she saw, she showered. Joe and Penny arrive. Elena asks about a second baby and Tonya chimes in that Terra said they were working on baby number two. Joe is annoyed that Terra brought up something he considers private. He walks out and Terra follows him. She says they’re her best friends and she’s sorry, but she didn’t think she was doing anything wrong. He says he hates everyone knowing their business and they hadn’t agreed on it yet. Terra says all she said was they’re trying. He tells her to keep some things between them.

Terra doesn’t get why it’s a big deal. Joe storms off. In their interview, Joe says Terra always gives too much information. Terra calls Joe back, but he says no way.

Later, Terra approaches Joe about the argument. She admits she shouldn’t be sharing things before she checks with him. She says she loves him and she didn’t want to hurt the bond between them. Joe says he loves her too, and he’s sorry he got so angry.

Terra has recorded a children’s album called Penny’s Playlist and asks Joe if he’ll be involved in the videos. She wants him to wear a costume and drum. She says it’s a zebra outfit with a red mohawk and he’s less than enthused. She says they can negotiate.

Joe is going away for a gig in Arizona. He says he’ll be back in time for the video and we flash back to him being late for the wedding rehearsal for the same reason. He swears he’ll be there.

Terra goes to a production meeting. They’re doing four videos in one day, so they don’t want to waste any time. Terra says Penny has helped her to look at a more motherly side of music. Terra video-chats with Joe later and he’s been drinking. She tells him not to overdo it, since he has an early call for the video shoot. She shows him his costume.

Terra arrives with Penny at the video shoot. Tonya meets her there. Terra hasn’t heard from Joe yet and he’s late. She goes through a routine with Tonya. Terra tries calling Joe and it goes to voicemail. She changes the order of the videos so he doesn’t have to be on until later. She doesn’t know whether to be concerned or angry.

They start with Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Terra is rowing a boat and being a mermaid, and Tonya is a crab. When they finish, Joe still isn’t there. Terra is nervous because he usually answers his phone when he knows she has Penny. She wonders if something is wrong. She tells the director they’re moving forward without Joe and Tonya is stepping in.

Tonya doesn’t know the routine very well, but it’s pretty funny. The videos are really cute. They manage to get all four of them done, after which, Joe shows up. He says his phone died and Terra asks to see it. She says he smells of alcohol. She says what if something had gone wrong with Penny? He won’t give her the phone and she wrests it from him. It’s not dead and it’s on vibrate. She says they still have a half hour, so he can try to make it right.

Joe is wearing a pig in a tutu costume and dances to BINGO. He says it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

Next week, Joe and Terra go on vacation without Penny, Terra gets no answer when she calls the house, and Joe thinks Terra is trying to get pregnant without telling him.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Thank you. The taglines for this one are much better. I’m glad to be back in the city again too.

Dorinda visits Bethenny’s new apartment, which is absolutely fabulous, with hallways and art and cool niches. There’s a walk-in closet with a safe for her jewelry that’s really like a giant jewelry box with felt-lined drawers that slide out. There’s a tiny balcony too. I sob, wondering what happened to my life.

They’re having a luncheon. Bethenny has started to date again and she wants to bring a guy named John. They talk about who they’re going to invite. They discuss new girl Jules and her short husband. Dorinda tells Bethenny not to mention his height, or rather lack thereof.

Carol is out shopping with Adam. Carol says it surprises her that they’ve been together over a year. Carol has a new puppy named Baby. We flash back to the Countess being nasty to Carol about her relationship with Adam. He’s going on a trip and they talk about missing each other.

Newly single Ramona says she’s heard NYC is the number one city to be single in, so lucky her. Where she heard this, I have no idea. Number one for men maybe. She goes out for drinks with some friends. Her daughter shows up with one of her friends. Avery is embarrassed by Ramona. The guys next to them buy them some champagne and Ramona acts stupid.

The Countess visits Sonja who’s invited her to spend some time at her place since they’re both empty nesters. The Countess is bearing a huge bouquet. Sonja tells her intern to fetch a bottle of tequila. And wine. The Countess tells her she has a date.

Sonja talks about a date for some event she went to. They discuss having their DNA done and it turns out the Countess has extra teeth like some Eskimos have. News to me. I won’t tell you what they talk about next.

Ramona meets Bethenny for lunch. Bethenny asks if Ramona has her dress, joking about a dress Ramona walked away with after doing Bethenny’s talk show. Bethenny says it’s hunting season now that Ramona is single. Bethenny says she’s seeing a bunch of different people, but it’s like eating at Olive Garden — nice, but she wants amazing.

Bethenny talks a bout a dinner Sonja and the Countess were at and how drunk they were. Ramona says she doesn’t want to go out drinking with Sonja any more because she goes overboard and gets frisky with men. Ramona says she’s gotten used to John and invited him and Dorinda to her house in the Hamptons. Bethenny says they party hard and Ramona thinks Dorinda is too classy for John. Bethenny says he’s shady and she keeps her distance. She thinks Dorinda is always trying to “sell” John because he gives a bad impression.

OMG. New girl, Jules, has an amazing place too. It’s a loft apartment in the Flatiron district. She has a live-in nanny and housekeeper, but still tries to be hands on. She’s Asian, her husband is Columbian and they have a blonde daughter, and she says she’s often mistaken for a nanny herself. Her way of parenting involves bribery. Whatever works.

John gives a homeless guy five bucks and pats himself on the back. He and Dorinda are out for their anniversary. He’s very handsy with her at the table, which she’s not into. Dorinda’s daughter is moving out and Dorinda is hesitant to have John move in. John wants some PDA, but that’s not Dorinda’s thing.

Bethenny goes to her new office. It’s very cool. Lots of brick. She talks to her employees about being edgy and figuring out how to make the brand fun again. She tells them they have free reign. She doesn’t care if they do crack as long as they get the job done.

Bethenny’s divorce still lags on. She has a $700 electric bill to pay from the old apartment that leech Jason Hoppy is squatting in.

Carol meets Ramona at a cute cafe. Ramona is excited about being single. She tells Carol about a party she went to and can’t pronounce reggae. She and Mario aren’t talking, but she’s glad he’s got a good relationship with their daughter. Ramona got properties and he got cash. Ramona talks about various things she’s been doing and Carol can barely get a word in. Carol asks if she talks that much on a date. Ramona thinks she and Carol should be more like each other. No. Ramona needs to shut up.

Dorinda and John meet Bethenny and John #2 for dinner. Dorinda thinks John #2 reminds her of Jason, but I disagree. They get a seafood tower that’s pretty impressive. Michael and Jules arrive. Jules says she’s a full time mom, which I agree is the hardest job on earth. Jules is Jewish and keeps a kosher home and they talk about that. Jules’s mother is Japanese and she says her husband married her because she was the least Jewish looking Jewish girl he’d ever seen.

Bethenny says with John, all roads lead to dry cleaning, which is his profession. Bethenny says she loves Dorinda, but the chubby baby she brought with her (meaning John) is another story. Bethenny talks a little about Dorinda’s drinking. In her interview, Bethenny talks about Dorinda being seriously wasted in the Hamptons. Dorinda makes a bunch of excuses about why she acts stupid when she’s drunk.

Bethenny tells Dorinda that Jules makes her think of a Virginia Slims ad. She thinks that Jules is unnaturally thin, which she knows is odd coming from her. Bethenny makes a joke referring to Jules’s husband being short. Oops.

Next week, the Countess complains about Carol stealing her friends, Bethenny talks about being burned by Ramona, and both Bethenny and Ramona confront Dorinda about John.

April 5, 2016 — GH, Loving Wrong & Good-by Dubai

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sam wonders why anyone would want Rachel Berlin dead, but Jason says maybe they were after Hayden.

Hayden thanks Curtis for walking her back home. He thinks it’s a bad idea for her to return to Windemere unless she has a death wish.

Elizabeth says this isn’t what Nicholas is and if he tries to murder Hayden again he could end up in prison and where will that leave Spencer?

Griff is playing sheriff opposite Emma’s doctor. Ha-ha! He says he has a serious case of hat head. Emma says she’s been a doctor for a long time, but it’s the worst she’s seen. She says she’s a doctor though, not a barber, but then says that was a line from Star Trek. Anna comes in and they tell her they’re playing cowboys and neurosurgeons. Sonny knocks at the door.

Michael meets Dante at the gym. Dante wants to know Sonny’s plans for Carrrlos.

Tracy comes to and Finn is there. He tells her she had another seizure and they’re waiting on test results. Dillon and Ned come in with some food, but Finn wants to see them out in the hall. Finn says it would appear they didn’t catch the infestation in time and Dillon asks if Tracy is dying.

Anna invites Sonny in. Emma says she has another cowboy hat, but Sonny says his wife thinks they don’t look good on him. She tells Griff he has a hat face and he’d also look good in a tutu, and Anna tells a story about Duke playing with her in a tutu. She says Finn is following in Duke’s footsteps and he’d be proud.

Michael acts clueless. Dante says he should have been a lawyer. Dante thinks Sonny knew already and told him. He asks Michael again what Sonny’s plans are.

Hayden says she just wants what’s hers. She says Nicholas owes her a nice life for the one he tried to take from her. Curtis says she got a second chance, so why tempt fate? Hayden is like, so what should I do? Waitress? She says she earned every penny she made when she was in finance. She tells him how Nicholas won’t honor the prenup. Curtis says money is like an addiction.

Sam says Hayden either doesn’t know where her father’s money is or doesn’t have access to it. Sam says she has to tell Nicholas about Hayden’s involvement with Tracy, and maybe he can put two and two together.

Elizabeth wants Nicholas to tell her what he’s going to do. He says he’s going home to Hayden and that’s all she needs to know. She gets a text from the hospital and has to leave.

Finn says Tracy isn’t responding as well as they’d like. Monica comes by and Finn explains that Tracy had a seizure because of water build up on the brain. Obrecht overhears and says they have to operate immediately.

Finn says he needs to look at the CAT scan, but if it shows what he thinks it will, surgery will be recommended. Elizabeth shows up and Monica tells her to get ready just in case. Paul comes by and Ned tells him to butt out and get lost. Dillon thinks Tracy might need more support and wants Paul to stay. Ned says to keep Paul away from him.

Finn sees the CAT scan and says they will have to operate. Dillon wants Griff and not Dr. Mays, but Finn says they should ask Tracy who she wants.

Sam and Jason come to Nicholas’s hotel room. Nicholas says he told Sam her services were no longer required, but she says she has information and asks if he wants to hear it.

Dante tells Michael that if Carrrlos turns up dead, Sonny will be the prime suspect. Michael tells him to ask Sonny about it, not him.

Emma goes upstairs to get her telescope. Anna says Sonny can trust Griff. Sonny says they have a location for Carrrlos. Griff says he guesses forgiveness is off the table and Sonny says justice comes first. Griff has to go back to the hospital.

Sonny tells Anna that Griff is a little judgmental with the kumbaya stuff. Anna says he’ll feel differently once Carrrlos is in custody. Sonny holds up a flash-drive.

Anna looks at the information on the computer and says Carrrlos must be on the run again. Anna asks if Sonny meant what he said about bringing Carrrlos to justice.

Sam tells Nicholas about Tracy saying Rachel was her secret weapon. She says it looks like they were working together to get ELQ. Nicholas says Hayden had been playing him all along. Sam sees that Nicholas is packing and asks if Hayden is gone now.

Hayden says she’s not addicted to money and that money junkies spend it like water and that’s not her. Curtis says why risk her life if not for the money. She says the money is a huge part of it, but it’s not for her. She wants to pay back her father’s investors. Curtis asks her if she’s rehearsing that speech for Nicholas. Hayden asks what’s in it for Curtis.

Finn says they’ve adjusted the medication to prevent another seizure and Tracy should be the one to make the decision about who is going to operate. Monica tells Dillon and Ned not to look frightened when they go into Tracy’s room. Finn says as things turned out, surgery is going to be required. She says she wants Griff to perform the surgery.

Anna and Emma come to the hospital.

Curtis says it’s always good to back a winner. Hayden says she’d hate to see his idea of rock bottom. He says she’s a survivor and he can’t wait to see how it turns out. He asks what she plans on doing when Nicholas gets home.

Nicholas says he’s going home because he loves Hayden and wants to save his marriage. He wants to find out what the reality of the situation is, and he’ll deal with it then. Sam says that’s crazy, but he says it’s his marriage. He thanks Sam for doing her job and asks her and Jason to leave.

Sonny, who apparently is completely fine now, comes into the gym and spars with Dante. He asks why Dante called him. Dante says he was wondering what Sonny’s plans are about Carrrlos.

Michael, with a really bad hairdo, shows up at the hospital and Ned explains Tracy needs surgery. Griff comes in and Obrecht tells him that Tracy wants him to perform the surgery.

Paul sees Anna and Emma. Anna tells Emma to go visiting. Paul says Emma seems to have adjusted well to her new life. Anna tells him she’s supposed to call Robin with an update, but she gave Robin her phone. Paul offers his.

Dante says he talked to Michael. Sonny says it’s not fair to talk to Michael about him, since he doesn’t involve the kids in the business. Dante tells Sonny if he finds Carrrlos, not to kill him.

Anna says she won’t be long. She pretends to have a bad connection so she can move away from him. When she gets out of sight, she takes a card out of the phone.

Sam tells Jason she should be glad Nicholas wants to wreck his own life, but Spencer deserves better. She thinks it’s crazy that he wants to stay married to Hayden. Jason says maybe Hayden has something on him.

Finn tells Griff that his record is very impressive, but he’ll be by his side for the operation. Monica asks Tracy how she’s doing. Tracy says Monica might think she’s going to live in the mansion by herself, but she’s sticking around until Alice has to carry them both upstairs.

Obrecht is concerned about Griff performing surgery on a major hospital donor. She says she has every confidence in him and Finn, but if it doesn’t go well, may God have mercy on their souls.

Elizabeth is going to be assisting. Because she knows Tracy, Griff asks if she’s going to be okay with it. Elizabeth says if it helps any, she and Tracy aren’t that close. Griff says he thinks people find their strength when things are at their worst.

Tracy is wheeled down the hall. Ned and Dillon are there, and Tracy says she wants eggs Benedict for breakfast. Ned suggests Cook sending over scrambled eggs and caviar. She says she’ll have both. Tracy tells Monica to keep her hands off her jewelry, but Monica says she’s not into costume pieces. Tracy says they haven’t seen the last of her and is wheeled into surgery.

Dante says he knows how Sonny works and that he wants to send a message. Dante suggests he not kill Carrrlos, but turn him over to the authorities. Dante hopes Sonny finds him first because if he shows up dead, Sonny will be blamed.

Nicholas goes home. Hayden says it’s the beginning of a beautiful friendship, without secrets and illusion. He says remind him to get her a dictionary, so she can look up the meaning of friendship. She says they’re two people who love a challenge and they have a connection. He says not anymore and she amends it to attraction. Nicholas wonders what her plan is. She says she hopes he kept the receipt for her shooting since she’s still there. She says she had Alfred set another place for dinner. Curtis is going to be staying with them for a while. Nice move!

Sam says the only secret she can think of is Jason’s identity, which is obviously out. They talk about Hayden getting shot. They come to the conclusion that Hayden figured out that Nicholas was behind it.

Tomorrow, Jason says Nicholas is capable of anything, Alexis visits Parker, and Carly begs Sonny not to put himself in the line of fire.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Lushion introduces Claudia to Natalie. There’s an awkward moment and Claudia excuses herself. Natalie asks why Claudia was all up in Lushion’s face. He says he was just giving her some work tips. Natalie deletes Claudia’s number from Lushion’s phone, even though he says he was just about to do that.

Lushion asks Natalie if she’s satisfied and she says maybe. He asks what she’s doing there and she tells him she brought him a meal. He says last he remembers is her cursing him out and telling him to get lost. She says she cares about him and asks if he’s doing anything illegal. He says no and she asks where he got the money from. He says he saved it. Natalie doesn’t understand how he saved so much on his salary. Lushion says he earned the money, that’s all she needs to know and he’s not fighting about it. She says okay, but asks him to promise that no one will hurt her kids if he gets into trouble. He says as long as he’s breathing, no one will hurt her or the kids.

She asks about Eddie and Lushion says he shot him eight times. Natalie almost freaks, but Lushion says Eddie was wearing a vest. Natalie says he could have killed Eddie. Lushion says if Eddie had hurt her, he would have. She calls him an OG, but he says he just doesn’t like the people he loves messed with. Natalie gives him a new key to her place and they get flirty. I like Lushion. I’m glad Natalie got a clue. He’s like that mighty good man of song fame.

Alex is still at Kelly’s with the baby, who I hope they give a name to soon. Kelly tells Alex she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way and Alex says she does. Kelly says everyone messes up, and it’s time for her to move on. Alex says it’s difficult when you’ve caused so much pain. Kelly says it’s been months. She says Alex has lost herself and wonders when that happened.

Kelly says when she first met Alex, she was a happy, strong and filled with life, and she has to get herself back. Alex asks how. Kelly says don’t ask how, do something. Alex asks what. Kelly doesn’t know, but says Alex can’t just live life reactive and she needs to make another choice.

Jerkface Eddie asks Claudia how it’s going. He tells her if she ever needs anything, he’s right there. She says she does need something and asks how Pete is. Eddie says probably dead by now and apologizes for being abrupt. He asks if she knew Pete and she says not really. He tries to flirt, but Claudia isn’t having any. She says she knows he’s with Esperanza, but he says that was over a long time ago. He says they should go out sometime, but Claudia says Esperanza already hates her. He tries flirting again, but crosses the line and she says he’s bordering sexual harassment. Eddie says he has a lot of pull around the station and she should be nicer. He tries to give her his number and she won’t take it.

Esperanza comes in and tells Claudia she needs to clock out. She wants Eddie to leave her office, but he won’t. She tries to grill Claudia on some procedures, but Claudia is flummoxed. Esperanza asks Eddie to leave again and he does. Claudia stumbles over telling her about talking to Eddie. Esperanza says she doesn’t care, but she’s concerned about Claudia’s lack of knowledge considering her resume. She says maybe this isn’t the job for her, but Claudia says she needs it. Esperanza says she’d better start showing some promise then.

Steven tells the guys that it looks like Pete is going to make it. He says the captain wants an officer with him at all times and an officer volunteers. He says he worked at the hospital and knows Pete. Steven makes some crap up as to why he shouldn’t do it. Ben volunteers. Lushion does too, but Steven says they need him on the streets. Ben is given the 8 to 8 shift.

Lushion is left alone with the guy who first volunteered. The officer thinks something weird is going on and Ben shouldn’t be guarding Pete. He tells Lushion he can’t say anymore. He says you can’t trust anyone there, especially Eddie, and that’s all he’s going to say. Lushion says he can see he’s scared and the officer says Lushion should be too. He talks about all the rookies who have been killed and tells Lushion to watch his back. He says if someone doesn’t look out for Pete, he’ll be dead by morning because he knew something that pissed someone off.

Alex and Kelly’s kids get off the school bus and Kelly directs them to her place. Paisley says the baby is beautiful and asks how he got a tan. Kelly’s son, Justice, tries to interject, but she stops him and they leave the room. Alex says she did something really bad to their dad. Paisley says Peter told her already. Peter says he heard them fighting and that he knows Alex and Randal had an affair. Paisley asks if Alex kissed Randal and when Alex says yes, she asks why. Alex says it was wrong and she shouldn’t have done it. She tells the kids that she and Brad are getting a divorce. Peter gets upset and goes to do his homework with Justice. Paisley tells Alex she loves her. Paisley says it will be okay and Alex agrees.

Insane Randal comes home. Louise is making dinner and asks where he went. He says he had important business to take care of. Louise asks again where he was and he says he went to see his lawyers. She asks what they told him about the divorce. He says he went to a family attorney, not a divorce attorney. Louise asks what he’s up to. He says he wanted to know his legal rights to his child. He says it’s his only child and Alex won’t let him see the baby. Louise says he shouldn’t see the baby now because everything is already out of control. She says he did all of this on purpose. He’s a psychologist who was a straight A student, and he manipulated Alex and Marcie. She says there’s malicious intent in what he did and it was no accident that Alex got pregnant just so he could have a son. She says she never thought Randal could sink lower than his father. He brings up Marcie and Brad, but Louise won’t have it. He says okay, he started it, but he’s going to finish it too. The judge granted an emergency hearing and he’s getting his child. Louise leaves the room disgusted.

Marcie is unpacking at the new apartment when Brad arrives. It’s a pretty nice place. They talk about how small it is. Marcie asks if he’d like some wine, but he wants something stronger. She points him toward the liquor. They both agree they’ve had long days. Marcie doesn’t have a drink, probably because she’s still drunk from that bender she was on for weeks.

She says they’ll have to share a bathroom, but Brad says he’s not a slob. Brad wonders what will happen when Alex and Randal find out they’re roommates. Marcie says she doesn’t care and Brad says neither does he. Marcie says she’s not a great cook and Brad says he knows, he’s had her cooking, and offers her some lessons.

Brad asks how long they’re doing this. Marcie says as long as it takes to heal, breathe and move on. Marcie says she’s going to bed. Brad says it’s not even five, but she says she could sleep for fifteen hours. Brad asks if he can hold her because he needs to be held. They hug. Marcie says she wishes she could say yes, but she has to say no. Brad says he understands and she says they can’t do this again. She says she’s sorry she put him in this situation and that she came over to his yard with every intention of sleeping with him. She says she was never so vulnerable, depleted and drunk, and it can’t happen again. Brad says he gets it and understands.

Marcie says she’s sorry and Brad says him too. She asks why. He says sex with her was better than it ever was with Alex and she made him feel desired, alive and wanted. He says he’s going to bury himself in work, and Marcie says good. He realizes he left his computer back at the house, but Marcie doesn’t want him to drive after drinking. She says she’ll take him and she’ll wait in the car.

Louise is leaving. I don’t want Louise to leave. She’s one of my favorite characters and the voice of reason. Randal asks if there’s too much drama, but Louise says it’s him that’s too much. She gives him a hug, trying not to cry. She says it’s probably the last time she’s going to see him, that she can feel it, adding that it’s all too much. Randal says he’s fine. They see Marcie drive up with Brad.

Randal starts walking over to the car, and Louise tells him no and tries to stop him. Randal tries to hassle Marcier. He gets in her face and Louise drags him out of the car and pushes him back toward the house while he laughs like a lunatic.

A process server comes up to Brad and hands him the court order, saying he’s been served. Marcie tells him not to open it. I can’t figure out why Brad would be involved in this, since it’s Alex and Randal’s child. Randal does some more crazy laughing.

Next week, Eddie says dead men tell no tales, Brad tries to see Alex, Randal hassles Kelly, and Alex tells Randal he was the worst mistake of her life and she’ll show him how far a mother will go to protect her child. Alrighty then!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Dubai, part two. The ladies get in a white Rolls to go shopping. LisaV wonders if LisaR is her friend and Kyle says at least she didn’t get slapped this time. Eileen, LisaR and Erika are in one car, with LisaV, Kyle and Kathryn in the other.

The go to the largest mall I’ve ever seen and get into chauffeured golf carts to go around to the stores. Kyle says she’s overwhelmed and wishes she was an octopus with eight credit cards. Erika says you can find things in Dubai that you can’t find in the states. I’ll have to take her word for it.

LisaV thinks Eileen and LisaR are ignoring her. Kyle is already freaking about their next adventure, going up in the world’s tallest building. Yep, it’s big. Olga, their guest ambassador, is escorting them to the 148th floor, three at a time. The elevator is very small.

Olga takes them to the observation deck. Yep, that’s high up. I went to the top of the World Trade Center years ago, and that was pretty high, but this thing is up in the clouds. Eileen says she feels like if she moves forward, she’ll plunge off. That’s a symptom of vertigo, Eileen. Kyle coaches LisaV as to how to apologize to Eileen, and she does. Eileen is good with it and they hug.

Yolanda gets together with Brandi and Kim for a picnic. Eww! I thought she was smarter than this. She says what you see with them is what you get. I agree with that, but I don’t like what I see. Brandi says blah, blah, blah about being promiscuous. Brandi is wearing a shirt that says “it’s not fun to be sober,” which is really nice considering Kim is an alcoholic. She gives Kim a shirt that says “medicated.” No comment.

Erika’s gay glam squad is doing Kathryn’s makeup. It’s her birthday. Kathryn says that if she could ask for one gift, it would be that everyone get along for the night. Amen, sista.

Yolanda says people aren’t about fixing things anymore and will toss you aside like an old shoe when you’re sick. Kim says it’s all about today and you shouldn’t look back. Yolanda says it’s been a rough year for all of them. Yolanda spills something on her bag and Brandi says lucky she’s rich, which is actually funny.

The ladies go out on a yacht for Kathryn’s birthday. LisaR says she’s never been on a yacht. Really? Even I’ve been on a yacht. It’s a beautiful night and they’re going to cruise the coastline. It’s absolutely gorgeous.

Eileen asks LisaR how she’s feeling. The ladies are in the same groups that they were in the cars. LisaV basically says she told Eileen what she wanted to hear. Eileen says Yolanda and LisaV have issues and she’s using LisaR to get to Yolanda. I dunno about that. LisaR thinks they hate each other and they’re pawns in the game. That’s definitely getting overly-dramatic.

Erika is like, is this a party or an oil painting? Kathryn gets a call from her mom, who she’s very close to. She tells her she’s the best mom in the world. Her mom has been struggling with memory loss, so the call is even more special. Everyone gets emotional. LisaR says her mother doesn’t call anymore due to a stroke years ago. LisaR and Eileen leave the table to discuss. Eileen says most of the time her mom doesn’t know her anymore. Sad emoji.

Kyle tells LisaV that nobody feels good when something happens like the altercation the night before. Eileen says she has sympathy for Lisa because she feels the need to control things. The ladies all get back together and there’s some swearing, which is illegal, but Erika says they’re on a boat for Pete’s sake.

They have dinner on the deck. Kyle says things are awkward and they can’t not talk, and they shouldn’t be dividing up into corners. LisaV says she doesn’t understand some of the things LisaR does, and it’s probably vice versa. LisaR says she thinks the problem is that LisaV is angry with Yolanda, going back to when Yolanda got nasty with Ken. LisaV says she felt protective the same way LisaR did with Harry in Amsterdam. In Kyle’s interview, she says that there are definitely issues between LisaV and Yolanda. LisaV says LisaR would feel the same way.

Eileen says LisaR’s feeling is that she was being set up with the Munchausens thing. LisaR says LisaV wanted her and Kyle to take the fall. I can’t believe they’re still belaboring this point. LisaV says she wouldn’t do that to Kyle. LisaR says that’s her reality and she’s sticking to it. She and Eileen keep trying to drag Kyle into it, while Kyle wants the floor to swallow her up. They go back and forth a million times. Kathryn thinks the whole thing is embarrassing. In her individual interview, Erika says it’s a leveraged relationship between Kyle and LisaV, not a friendship.

It just keeps going around and around. Eileen is annoyed because she thinks Kyle is pleasing LisaV to keep their friendship alive. Eileen leaves the table. Kyle tells LisaR she cares about LisaV and that’s the way it is. LisaR says that’s it then. Everyone leaves, and Kyle and LisaV are at the table alone.

Kyle says she loves LisaV who’s like a sister to her, but she’s been put in a bad position. She says she looks like an idiot. Eileen moves toward the table and Kathryn tells her to stay out of it. Kyle says she was covering LisaV’s ass. In her individual interview, LisaV says Kyle straddles the fence sometimes. Kyle asks her to just say that maybe she said something wrong, but LisaV isn’t okay with that.

Kyle says she’s copped to things she’s said about LisaV and she won’t tell a lie. Lisa says she’s not asking her to lie and Kyle says no, she’s asking Lisa not to. She tells Lisa she’s not telling the truth.

Kathryn says this is like two shades of batsh*t crazy. Ever over-the-top, LisaR says they’re all collateral damage in the game between LisaV and Yolanda. Please. This bunch should just drop it and move on.

Kyle ends up saying she doesn’t care and just wants to drop it. She tells LisaV not to say anymore. In her individual interview, Kyle says she’s disappointed and that Lisa always has to have the last word. That might be true, since every time Kyle says let’s drop it, Lisa continues to say she never said that.

Kyle goes to get the cake. Eileen says it’s a weird time to be bringing it out and Kyle says she doesn’t care. Kyle brings out the cake. Kathryn wishes for health and happiness, and asks everyone to be civil to one another. LisaV gives Kathryn a beautiful wallet.

The ladies meet for breakfast. LisaV and Kyle are getting ready together and gossiping. At the table, Kyle asks what everyone’s favorite part of the trip was. The view is popular and also the desert. Eileen says everything was bigger than life, including the drama. Erika thanks Kyle for her first girls trip. They toast.

Next week, the finale, Faye Resnick returns, LisaR calls out Yolanda for being manipulative, Kim and LisaR tangle, and Yolanda is getting divorced from that rotten cretin of a husband she is too good for.

April 4, 2016 — GH, Good-by Pump & Hello Charm

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Maxie is shocked about Claudette, saying she thought Nathan would always be honest with her. Nathan says the marriage was annulled.

Nina asks Curtis what low-life weasel is undermining Crimson, when Julian comes out of the elevator. Nina is like, hey, tell Julian too, and Curtis is like, gulp.

Franco tells Elizabeth that the housing market stinks, but he knows a place she can go to. She asks if he means his place, but he says no, Jason’s place. Why?

Meanwhile, Sam and Jason are at the prison visiting Shawn.

Hayden tells Nicholas they’re not getting a divorce because of what she knows about him. She says he has a history of bad decisions, along with faulty execution, and now he needs to pay.

Maxie says just because the marriage was annulled doesn’t fix things. She says they’ve been together over a year and he’s never mentioned it.

Nina introduces Curtis to Julian. She tells him that Curtis won the contest and he’s also a resourceful P.I., who she hired to see who’s sabotaging Crimson. Julian says he told her to drop it, but she says it’s not for nothing because Curtis got the information. Curtis won’t say who the guilty party is, and Nina suddenly realizes it’s Julian.

Finn wants to schedule an MRI for Tracy. Elizabeth says he’s not on the list. He asks if they’re practicing medicine or paperwork. Obrecht comes by and says she expedited matters and he now has privileges. When he leaves, Obrecht tells Elizabeth that Finn won’t he there long.

Sam thinks of possible gunman scenarios.

Hayden goes down Memory Lane about Nicholas and Jake Doe. She brings up the shooting and says the police say it was a mistake. Nicholas says Shawn confessed, but Hayden wonders if she could have been the intended victim. She says there was another hit man, sent by Nicholas.

Nina goes apesh*t on Julian. We don’t see it, only Curtis’s expression and all the stuff she’s throwing. Curtis backs out into the elevator, saying he’ll leave them to it and send an invoice.

Maxie wants to know everything. Nathan says he was still in New York and in uniform. He was hanging out with his co-workers at a bar and that’s where they met. He says they went out a couple of times and he asked her to marry him.

Finn tells Tracy he now has privilege to treat her. She says her thinking is clearer and she’s feeling better, but he says the scans have to be clear for two weeks. She wants to recover at home.

Elizabeth says she’s not showing up on Jason’s doorstep. Geez, thanks for doing one right thing. She’s going to do it on her own. Franco says he’s proud of her. I’m proud of her for giving Sam and Jason five minutes alone.

Sam talks to Shawn behind the visiting room glass. Hi, Shawn! We missed you! Sam asks if he knew who Hayden really was. He asks who she is and Sam says that she’s Richard Berlin’s daughter. She says they wondered if Hayden was an intended target and Shawn says she’s not the first one to approach him about it.

Nicholas thinks Hayden is bluffing, but she says her father told her never to play if she’s not going to win. She says she overheard Nicholas and Laura talking and she also has proof. She gives him a list of demands, including ELQ, or she’ll go to the police. He says if she goes to the police she’ll lose everything, and Hayden says not as much as him. She says one day they’ll laugh about it and that it’s ironic that in trying to protect ELQ, he lost it.

Franco says that Elizabeth was in a time-to-call-FEMA mess when Jason ditched her and it’s an amazing improvement. She thanks him. Obrecht watches from the sidelines.

Nina is still going nuts on Julian. She says she and Maxie were trying to pull Crimson out of the fire, while he was fanning the flames. He tries to explain about the IRS. She says he hired her to kill the magazine and she brought it back to life, and not only are they setting trends, they’re creating them. She says good thing for him she’s mellowed. And then plucks one of her shoes out of his jacket. She starts to call the police.

Nathan says he and Claudette did some New York City things on their second date, although all the things he lists would be impossible to do in one day. He says it seemed like a bucket list, and realized Claudette’s Canadian visa was expiring, so he married her. Maxie says, so it was a marriage of convenience. He says, at first.

Nicholas says if money and ELQ were Hayden’s goals, she could have just taken them and left. He says she wants to rebuild what she broke and still loves him.

Sam asks who talked to Shawn about Hayden being the intended target. He says Hayden herself.

Tracy gets out of bed and Finn threatens to sic Monica on her. He says they don’t know the long term effects yet and she could have another seizure. He says he wants his patients to live because he’s funny that way.

Nina says Nathan would be very interested in what Julian has done. She says it’s one count of fraud for every ad. Julian says if she turns him in, the advertisers will sue and Crimson will fold anyway. She says she’ll be a hot commodity and will just get a job elsewhere.

Nathan says Claudette moved in and they had to know everything about one another because of the INS checks. He says somewhere along they line, he fell in love, but she didn’t. She was cheating on him the whole time and had manipulated him. He says he couldn’t forgive her, and Claudette said love was never part of the arrangement anyway, so he got an annulment. Maxie asks what happened to Claudette, but Nathan says he doesn’t know (leaving it open for her to show up at some point). Maxie says she’s sorry for what happened, but he did a good thing and she wouldn’t have held it against him.

Shawn says Hayden thought there was someone else involved. She asked if he remembered anything odd, but he didn’t. Sam asked when Hayden was there and Shawn says before Thanksgiving. He wonders if she ever got her proof.

Nicholas says feelings don’t just disappear. He says if Hayden forces him to stay in the marriage, they have no chance of rebuilding. She asks if they have a chance of a real marriage. Elizabeth walks in and Hayden says she’ll wait for him at home, and dinner is at 7. She tells Elizabeth she’s no longer welcome at Windemere. She leaves and cries in the hallway. Elizabeth asks what she walked in on and Nicholas says his ruin.

Finn and Tracy play Monopoly. Tracy is winning. She wonders how he can devote himself to a single patient. He says he has other things going on, like research. She says she was pretty certain she was dying and she thanks him for proving her wrong.

Franco asks Obrecht if she wants to go for a drink. Obrecht says she needs to keep an eye on Finn. She also says if he’s going to cheat on Nina to be more discreet.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth that Hayden knew about the shooting and was patiently biding her time. He says she wants to punish him. Elizabeth suggests going to the police, but Nicholas says no. She asks what he’s going to do, stay with Hayden the rest of his days? He says not on your life, but Hayden’s is another matter.

Hayden tells Curtis to put what proof he has somewhere safe. She says she needs an insurance policy in case something happens with her paperwork. She says she had to tell Nicholas what she knew. Curtis thinks she shouldn’t go back to Windemere.

Sam thanks Shawn and says if they find out anything else, she’ll let him know. Shawn wants to speak to Jason. He says that he was astonished when he found out who Jake Doe was and he couldn’t believe he almost killed his friend. Jason says maybe there was a reason he didn’t get a clean shot.

Nathan tells Maxie he was ashamed of himself. He says he should have known she would sympathize, but he was trying to bury his past. He says he never thinks about Claudette, but the glove brought her name back and that’s why he said it when he was doped up in the hospital.

Nina says she’ll keep her mouth shut about Crimson in return for Julian giving the magazine to her. He says he can sell it to her, but if he gives it to her, it will be a red flag to the IRS. She says to give her full control then. Julian doubts her talents, but Nina says he’s been wrong before and asks if they have a deal.

Julian says Nina drives a hard bargain. She says hardly, since he’s leaving alive. Maxie comes in and thinks they had a break-in since everything is everywhere. Julian leaves and Nina says she’ll explain what happened over champagne. Maxie says she found out that Claudette isn’t a dog, but she is a bitch.

Nathan calls Obrecht and tells her to be careful what she says to Maxie regarding Claudette. She asks if he told Maxie. He says he didn’t tell her everything.

Elizabeth tells Nicholas not to try and kill Hayden again. Like someone needs to be told something like this.

Curtis says the closer Hayden gets to Nicholas, the closer Nicholas is to burying her. Hayden says she guesses there’s nothing to stop Nicholas from trying again. Curtis says that’s wrong, she has him.

Finn takes Tracy for a walk to the vending machine. He sees her nose bleeding and yells for a wheelchair. She starts to have another seizure.

Tomorrow, Sam tells Nicholas she’s sorry, Dillon asks if Tracy is dying, and Dante says that Sonny is the prime suspect if Carrrlos turns up dead.

Vanderpump Rules — Part Three

Raise your glasses high, people!

They start off talking about Stassi’s sex tape. Lisa put up $900 to make it go away and they laugh about it going so cheap. Lisa says she wanted Stassi to acknowledge her efforts. Stassi says the dude still has the video though and she didn’t want anyone to give him anything. Stassi says he should have signed a contract and Lisa says she should have written one up then.

Andy asks James why he felt the necessity to broadcast the details of Lala’s sex life. James apologizes, but Lala says it caused a rift between her and an old boyfriend. Lala says she cared deeply for him and now he’s no longer in her life.

They talk about the launch party for Katie’s blog. She says she kept the guest list small, since she didn’t want a bunch of nonsense, and thanks James for causing a ruckus with Kristen. Kristen says she tried to do as much damage control as possible.

Andy asks why Stassi picked Schwartz to approach about becoming friends with Katie again. Jax says it’s the first time he’s seen Schwartz stand up for Katie like he did. Schwartz says Stassi needed to have the smack brought down on her. Stassi says she was surprised, but she respects him. Schwartz says he invited her to the engagement party because he thought she was sincere. Tom thinks she cried to get what she wanted. Stassi says people who think other people are calculated are probably calculating themselves, and she never questions people who are apologizing. I do. I also make them be specific so both of us know exactly what they’re apologizing for.

They talk about Stassi making up with Scheana at Lala’s housewarming. Scheana says she thinks Stassi was sincere. but then they lost contact again and she thought Stassi was just using her to get to Katie. They reconnected later though, and everything is good. Stassi says she knows she’s selfish and is realizing that different friends have different needs. Congratulations on figuring out the obvious.

We flash back to the beach engagement photos. Andy asks James about getting fired from PUMP. Lisa says Kristen provoked the situation. Kristen disagrees, but Lisa says there are a million other places she could have gone to. Tom says James has a small fuse and Kristen should have known better. Kristen says again that James makes her skin crawl. James says when Richardson tried to diffuse the situation, he went off on him too. More flashbacks. Jax says James needs a good face punching. Can I get in line? Lisa says he needs to respect those above him and he’s hanging on by the skin of his teeth. Andy suggests that maybe James shouldn’t drink. Gee, think so, Andy?

Andy talks about Ariana being offended by Kristen taking a dip in the sketch comedy pond. We flash back to when Ariana said she takes comedy seriously. Everyone says Kristen did well, but Ariana says what she saw on YouTube was unoriginal. Why anyone cares about this is beyond me. Ariana gripes about how so many people work hard to get their stuff seen and it’s unfair for Kristen to possibly (in this case, possibly meaning probably not) get something on national TV. We saw like 10 seconds of her bit, so I don’t think any aspiring comics have anything to worry about.

Andy points the finger at Jax for ratting Ariana out. He says he’s not malicious, he just does stupid sh*t. I agree. I don’t think he’s smart enough to be malicious. Talk goes back and forth about things said in confidence being used as ammunition. Man, I hate that. I could never be friends with any of these people because they all do it.

Tequila Katie is brought up — Katie’s personality when she gets drunk and angry. Andy reads some of her rage texts to Schwartz. I drank a lot when I was their age too, but I never once had any of these problems. There’s a discussion about how Katie needs to be calmed down when she’s angry. Schwartz says she doesn’t want to be challenged when she has a feeling, which I think goes for most of us. For some reason, Schwartz says when you’ve seen Lisa Vanderpump topless, everything else is insignificant. We flash back to when the guys found the nude picture of her and we see some new footage of them pretending to — oh never mind.

Andy asks Ariana if she’s withdrawn from the group, but she says she’s more about individual friendships. Jax talks about how Tom distanced himself when he started getting serious about Ariana. Um…that’s kind of normal. Andy stirs the pot in saying Jax isn’t supportive of Tom’s music career, and Jax says he thinks Tom is super talented, but when he gets a bug in his head, there’s no shutting him up.

We flash back to Jax saying he’s the number one guy in the group. Hahahahahaha! That was one of the funniest moments this season. Even he thought he was ridiculous.

The Palm Springs trip is up next, and they talk about Katie’s surprise appearance. Katie says she wanted Stassi to be genuine and that was the best way to do it. We now flash back to when Stassi blew Katie’s friendship off. Katie says she didn’t think Stassi was capable of humility. Neither did I, but it happened, so anything is possible. She also looks a million times better now that she’s put on a few pounds. She probably feels better now that she’s eating. Although I understand being young, broke and living on French bread and jelly.

They talk about Scheana and Katie drifting apart, and Katie having a one-night stand with some guy Kristen was dating (Carter). Kristen says she found him on a dating app and although she didn’t know him, everyone else did, and she did ask Katie if it was okay. To which Katie replied she couldn’t care less. Andy throws out Kristen sleeping with James while she was dating Carter. Kristen acts like it was no big deal, but James says she swore him to secrecy. They talk about James having slept with Jenna and Kristen having a bad reaction to that. Lala says she can’t stand Katie. It’s quiet, but we see it in subtitles. They talk way too long about James and Kristen having sex. Kristen says after it happened, she knew she liked Carter better. Moving on.

Next is the engagement party. Lisa says she didn’t want Stassi or Kristen there, but when they showed up, she put her feelings aside. They talk about Kristen’s too long speech and how Lala yelled at her to wrap it up. Lala claims she had anxiety. I don’t know how, since she was drunk as a skunk. Schwartz says they were less upset about the interruption than her hair-do. Ha-ha! I forget who called it the Shih Tzu look at the time, but that was pretty accurate.

Commercial break with important information. Vanderpump Rules: Secrets Revealed airs Thursday, April 7th at 10 pm.

Andy asks Lala what was in her head when she shoved Kristen. Lala says she apologized at the time, and still feels sorry about it, and she also apologizes to Katie. They move on to how stoned James was the night he decided to stop drinking. He claims to have a medical marijuana card and makes up a bunch of reasons why.

Andy asks why Jax hates James so much. He gives a bunch of reasons, but it boils down to inappropriate behavior. James suggests he’s jealous. They start talking about beating each other up and everyone talks at once. James says he’s 10 times more talented than Jax and Jax tells him he is not the white Kanye West. Several of them say James isn’t taken seriously. Jax and James talk about beating each other up again. Stassi says he’s an a-hole and James says they’re all a-holes. Andy says it’s the ultimate who has the bigger d*ck contest.

Andy asks Stassi what it was like sitting down with Jax after all this time. He says that it seemed like Jax was partly making peace and partly telling her she wasn’t welcome. Stassi talks about Brittany and what a great girl she is.

Schwartz asks if James and Lala have ever had sex. James says once, but it never happened again. More weenie talk.

Lisa says it’s been an amazing year. Andy gives Stassi the “shag, marry, kill” question that I hate so much. James is texting and says he’s upset that Andy didn’t plug the PUMP CD.

Ken and Peter come out with Pumptinis and dogs. Giggy! Lisa says she loves everyone, even Stassi, and thanks everyone for being honest with their lives. Apart from Jax, who’s a liar. Really, she said that.

Until next time.

Southern Charm

We start with a dinner party at Thomas’s new house. He gives a speech, as always, thanking everyone for their support. As usual, he can’t shut up and starts reading everyone. Half the party leaves with Thomas following them, telling them to get out and hurling insults at them.

Three months earlier. Shep meets Cameran for a fishing trip. She handled the sale of Shep’s home when she was just starting out, so she’s chartered a boat as a gift to him. They talk about Craig, who has moved home with mommy and daddy. Cameran says he’s saving money and Shep wonders if he isn’t bored. Shep says placating someone isn’t real friendship and he’s the only one who called Craig out for being a lazy jerk.

Craig says moving back to Delaware has helped to reset his life and priorities. We flash back to him getting fired from the law firm. He says his heart will always be in Delaware, but Charleston is where he sees his life, so he’s moving back.

Cameran and Shep talk about Thomas and Kathryn’s new surprise baby. Cameran says she doesn’t like talking about it because their relationship is tumultuous, yet they can’t be bothered to use birth control.

Craig meets his girlfriend Naomie. Another reason he wants to go back to Charleston. He says she’s originally from France and they went to the same college. Naomie’s parents are letting them use their house to live in until it sells. They decide to have a party. Naomie asks if Craig is going to invite Shep, and Craig says he’d like to put the friendship back together.

Kathryn is home with the baby, and another on the way. She was hoping it would bring her and Thomas closer together, but that didn’t happen. She sends him a text telling him to leave her alone.

Patricia, Whitney’s mom, is getting ready for who knows what. She dresses up to sit at home. Whitney comes in and she asks if he noticed anything missing. Oh no! Michael, the butler or whatever he is, is on vacation. Since Patricia has no interest in an inferior martini, she gives them up when he’s gone. Whitney’s restaurant is already a million and a half over budget and six months behind, but he tells Patricia everything is going swimmingly. Yeah, as in he’s drowning.

Patricia asks if he’s seen Thomas. Patricia thinks Thomas and Kathryn are both morons. Well, at least we’re in agreement on something.

Cooper comes to visit Kathryn. She wasn’t sure if they could be friends, since he’s friends with Patricia, but she says he has her back. She’s out on Thomas’s family plantation, which is about 800 acres and includes a slave cemetery. Kathryn asks why Patricia despises her, and does an imitation of Patricia using a British accent.

Patricia says Kathryn has no proper education or career, and if it didn’t work the first time, why is she having another baby? Patricia says she’s not interested in Kathryn, but for some reason Kathryn is obsessed with her and Whitney. She says she’s glad it’s not Whitney whose involved with her.

Kathryn says Patricia puts Whitney on a pedestal even though he’s never amounted to anything. Wait until Patricia gets a load of the restaurant. Cooper says Kathryn swept into their perfect little world and disrupted things.

Naomie and Craig have champagne. He says he wants to prove to his friends that he’s a different person now. They call Shep and leave a message. Craig says he hopes Shep isn’t still dodging his phone calls after six months. I would.

Thomas’s new house is being refurbished. It was built in 1813 and I cry because all the wrong people have the money. Landon comes over. They’ve been hanging out since they’re new neighbors. Thomas has a black eye and Landon asks what happened. He says some guy was harassing him in a club and when he asked his bodyguards to have the guy removed, he got head butted. I see those bodyguards are earning their paycheck. He gives her a tour of the house.

Landon asks what’s up with Kathryn. Apparently if kids are born “out of wedlock” there, the mother has total control, and she’s using it. He says he wants a court order, but at the end of the day, they’ll have to co-parent. Landon says there’s no reasoning with Kathryn. Thomas suggests shock treatment because he’s such a d-bag.

Craig and Naomie are getting ready for the party.

Landon’s next stop is Shep’s house. She asks if he’s seen Craig. He says he hasn’t, but not because he’s been avoiding him. Landon says Shep hurt Craig’s feelings. Awww! Too bad. Shep says he doesn’t exploit people’s weaknesses, and he gave Craig the benefit of the doubt and in the end felt betrayed.

Kathryn is hanging out with her friend Jennifer. She says Landon propositioned Thomas when he was in London after their break-up. Really? I know he has money, but there have got to better fish in the Charleston sea.

Whitney joins Shep and Landon. Landon says Kathryn hates her because she doesn’t understand platonic friendships between men and women.

The party guests start to arrive. Cameran says Craig still uses too much hair product and looks like an Italian drug dealer, but at least he doesn’t reek of alcohol. She says Craig has gone from a slum dog millionaire to the Fresh Prince of Charleston. Craig isn’t sure if he and Shep will ever be close again, but he wants the friendship back. Shep says he’s so Eurotrash.

Lots of mingling and drinking and catching up. Whitney says he’s lost touch with Thomas but doesn’t miss the friendship. Whitney introduces Thomas to a college girl and Thomas acts stupid. No surprise. What an embarrassment this dude is. Cameran doesn’t know what to say about the pending baby, so she doesn’t say anything.

Kathryn says no one has reached out to her since she got pregnant again.

Time to eat. Kathryn ignores Thomas. He says he knows he should talk to her, but doesn’t know how not to set her off. Craig and Shep have a drink together. Craig says he thinks they can be friends like in the old days. Shep says he tried to be supportive, but Craig was pretty delusional before he left. Craig says Shep was being mean. Waaaah! Shep says he’s only hard on people he likes and Craig says no one ever called him on his bs before. Craig says he hopes Shep will give things a shot and Shep is agreeable.

Thomas sits down with Kathryn. He asks about the baby, but she’s not having it. She asks how he is and he tells her about the house he’s renovating. She says these are the problems you have when you have no problems. Exactly. He says they’re going with periwinkle for the baby’s room. She asks who helped him to pick it out.

He says his decorator helped him. Kathryn notices Landon is wearing a periwinkle dress and wonders if that’s an inside joke. Thomas asks to feel her belly, while everyone stares at them. So much for Southern discretion.

This season, everyone goes to the Founders Ball, Patricia thinks it’s the end of Western civilization, Thomas jumps out a window to avoid Kathryn (because he’s 15 years old), there’s lots of drinking, Thomas and Kathryn continue to fight, and I assume we eventually see the beginning of that dinner party as well.

April 1, 2016 — GH Twofold & Quotable Couches

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital — Thursday

Emma has come for a visit with Anna and they’re at Kelly’s. Griff comes in and Emma introduces herself, asking if he’s a friend of her grandma’s. He says he’d like to be and that hopefully this will make it easier, and hands Anna a document.

Epiphany tells Finn that the only service animals allowed at the hospital are dogs. Paul comes along and introduces himself to Finn. He says he understands Finn is taking care of Tracy and asks if they can talk. Finn says no.

Julian tells Sonny he knows what he’s doing and to stop.

Morgan says Kiki almost got killed because of him and he’s no good for her. She says that’s insane and maybe he’s where he belongs then.

Ava tells Carly that she’s Avery’s mother and has custody. Carly asks Ava if she doesn’t want Avery to be safe, and Ava says she’s not the monster Carly thinks she is.

Kiki tells Morgan he didn’t shoot her, someone else did. She says she didn’t come all this way to listen to a pity party. She makes him agree that he didn’t pull the trigger and she says she’s going to get pissed if he doesn’t knock it off. She says if they want to blame someone, there’s a whole syndicate they can point fingers at. He asks if they can blame Ava, but Kiki says not this time. She overheard Ava talking and she knows Ava was coerced, but she’s letting her feel guilty anyway.

Ava tells Carly they both love their children, and that overrides everything else. She doesn’t want to get into the whole Avery thing right now.

Julian tells Sonny that he’s taking advantage of the situation Ava is in and manipulating it to keep Avery. Sonny pleads ignorance, but Julian brings up the black rose that was sent to Ava and says he knows it’s Sonny. Sonny says he has more important things to do like look for Carrrlos.

Anna looks at the paper and says she’s glad Griff did this and now they know it’s true. Emma asks what’s true. Anna says he’s not just a friend, but part of the family. Anna says she wants Emma to meet Uncle Duke’s son.

Paul tells Finn he and Tracy share a son. Finn says he’s met him, but he never mentions Paul. Paul asks if he can have an update on Tracy’s condition, and Finn tells him to ask Tracy. Finn leaves and Epiphany tells Paul he’s a great doctor and that’s all he’s getting form her. Paul’s phone rings and he says something about a cancellation and he’s going to Kelly’s.

Sonny tells Julian Carrrlos will be found, and he’s going to flip on Julian about Duke’s death. He says Julian is going to prison for life. Julian says he’s going to ignore Sonny’s accusations and not tell Ava that it was Sonny who sent the rose. He suggests Sonny get out of the business like he did. He leaves and Sonny calls someone to meet him at Kelly’s. He has confirmation that Paul will be there.

Anna explains that she’s not Griff’s mother, but Duke is his father. Emma says her mommy and daddy are doctors too, and suggests they have champagne to celebrate. Anna asks who told her about that. Emma says her grandpa and Anna jokingly says she’s not allowed to have it until she’s 31. Emma suggests hot chocolate instead.

Ava says she’s grateful for what Carly did for Kiki at the pier. Carly says Kiki is special and the family loves her, and so does Morgan. Ava says Kiki needs to focus on her own recovery and she can’t save Morgan, even though they seem to be pressuring her. They agree to hope for the best and find a way to co-exist. Carly says just like Ava and Sonny did with Avery.

Kiki says Morgan is the first man she’s really loved. She says there’s a wonderful person in there. He says the exciting stuff was just the illness. Kiki says it was a distortion, but he’s still the same inside. He talks about the medication and that it’s making him dull. Kiki says the last word anyone would call Sonny is dull and Morgan needs to face the fact that she needs him in her life. Morgan says Carly visited with the girls and he felt nothing, and until she came there, everything was pointless. Kiki asks if that’s how he felt on the roof and was he really going to jump. He says yes, and she tells him she never wants him to feel that way again.

Sonny meets a guy named Brick outside Kelly’s. He tells Brick that Paul is on his way. Brick tells Sonny he’ll go in first and they’ll pretend not to know each other. He tells Sonny to try and separate Paul from his phone.

Emma and Griff talk. He says he never knew his father. Emma asks why she never met him, and Griff says Duke didn’t know about him. She asks why his mom didn’t tell Duke and he says she had her reasons, but he knows they would have been good friends. He asks her to tell him about Duke.

Sonny comes into Kelly’s and tells Anna what’s going on. Paul comes in next. Sonny goes over to talk to Emma. Paul gives a sidelong glance to Anna.

Finn goes back to his room and tells Roxie she’ll have some nice juicy crickets soon. But first he has to give himself a shot. Carly has fresh towels and starts to let herself into his room. Wow. She doesn’t even knock first.

An orderly drops something and makes a loud noise. Kiki freaks out.

Carly goes into Finn’s room and is startled that he’s there. She apologizes and says she was told he wasn’t in. Seriously, should’t she have knocked anyway? He asks if it’s the usual practice for the owner to deliver the towels. She says no, but housekeeping is having a problem with Roxie. He says they do know just because she’s a bearded dragon that she doesn’t really breathe fire. She says some of them.

Ava comes back for Kiki, who is hyperventilating. Morgan gets her to calm down. Morgan tells her not to worry that sometimes he hears the gunshot without any sound. He says as terrible as it was, it’s over with, and to put it behind her. He says if she was going to freak out anywhere, this was probably the place to do it. Ava takes Kiki back to the hospital.

Anna tells Sonny about the DNA results. Emma calls to Griff. Anna tells Sonny she can get Paul to leave his phone on his table and how fast can his guy work. Sonny says pretty fast. Anna goes over to Paul’s table. She tells him she wants him to meet someone. She says she’s in a good mood today and to put his phone down and come with her. She introduces him to Griff. Brick messes with Paul’s phone behind them. Anna tells Paul that Griff is Duke’s son.

Carly says she knows she’s not supposed to ask what the lizard is for, but why a lizard as a service animal? He says sometimes things pick you. He was camping and found her. She was hurt and he fixed her up and released her, but when he came back to the camp, she was in his bag. Carly says it’s sweet — and illegal. Finn says he has no idea what she’s talking about. Carly also brought Roxie a present. She looked up what a bearded dragon likes to eat and she has all kinds of greens for her.

Epiphany is miffed when she sees Ava coming back with Kiki. Kiki tells her not to blame Ava. Epiphany says Kiki is going back to her room, and the doctor is checking her to make sure they haven’t undone any progress.

Julian sees Ava. She asks how the meeting with Hammer went and Julian says the organization isn’t going to bother her. He says Hammer claims they didn’t send her the rose. She wonders who did, but he says it doesn’t matter since it appears she’s safe now. Ava says she wants out of the business and Julian says just steer clear of it like him. Ava doesn’t believe he’s out of it and want s to know what he did to keep her safe.

Paul and the others chitchat. Griff’s phone rings and Paul goes back to his table. He says it’s good to see Ann excited about something. Paul gets a call and says he’ll see Anna back at the office. Griff says he’s being summoned by Epiphany and has to go. Emma asks if he tangos and if he doesn’t know how, she can teach him.

Sonny gets a call. He says mission accomplished and he’ll let Anna know if it worked. He meets Brick outside and says what’s next? Brick says when the DA gets a call from Carrrlos, Sonny will be the first to know.

Paul tells Carrrlos to calm down, and it wasn’t him who told the press. He says Carrrlos needs to stay away from Port Charles now. Sonny is listening in on the call and tells Brick great job.

Emma asks Anna if Griff makes her miss Duke less. Anna says she’ll always miss him, but having Griff there makes it seem like he’s close by.

Julian tells Ava to stop asking questions. She asks if he’s not taking over for her, who is? Julian says it doesn’t matter, she and her children are safe, and to just go live her life.

The orderly apologizes to Morgan for scaring Kiki. Morgan gets his medication. He says he has to get better for her.

Carly promises she’ll find someone to clean his room who isn’t afraid of Roxie. She says she’s heard that it’s the rescuer who often feels rescued. She promises to knock next time. After she’s gone, Finn tells Roxie that was a close one and gives himself his shot.

Tomorrow, Sam asks Jason what if Hayden was the target all along, Kristina talks to Lucas about being attracted to women, and Nicholas screams at Hayden about lying to him all along.

General Hospital — Friday

Dante tells Nathan that he and Lulu are connecting again.

Nina calls Curtis. She asks if he’s found out who’s sabotaging the magazine yet. He says he’s been working on it, and she asks him to come to the office.

Julian is walking outside, talking on the phone about getting his hands dirty, when Alexis comes up behind him. She says she’s been stalking him.

Lucas comes over to Alexis’s house and Kristina says he’s a life saver. He’s looking for Julian, but Kristina wants to talk to him.

Jason is putting together a piece of furniture for Danny’s room, and luckily Sam drops by to help. Apparently, he’s assembly challenged.

Hayden shows up at Nicholas’s hotel room. Or wherever the blip he’s staying.

Maxie wants to brainstorm with Nina. Joe Zee is doing a guest spread in the magazine. She says it’s huge coup for them.

Dante sees Curtis as he’s leaving the gym. He mentions Curtis seeing Valerie. Dante says what a great person she is and Curtis basically tells him to mind his own business. For real.

Sam gets the piece of furniture together in 10 seconds and asks how Jason likes his new place. He talks about someone decorating it for him, except for the pictures.

Kristina tells Nathan that the person she’d been talking about who’s sexually confused is her. She tells him about being attracted to Parker. He asks how she feels about saying it, and Kristina says scared, but relieved. She tells him about talking to Alexis and she doesn’t think Alexis is really okay with it, despite her acting all PC. (That would be politically correct, not Port Charles.)

Alexis tells Julian about Kristina coming out to her.

Nicholas asks why Hayden is there and she says she misses him. He tells her to get out and she says that’s his pride talking. She says she knows he feels betrayed, but she was betrayed by her father. She says the love they felt for each other is real and tells him not to throw it away.

Nathan and Dante spar at the gym. Dante says he’s annoyed that Curtis had a point about him not getting involved in Valerie’s personal life. He says he doesn’t want to see her get hurt, but Nathan says that’s not his call. Dante asks about Claudette.

Nina says she’s beyond honored that Joe is writing a piece for Crimson. Maxie tells him about how Nina turned the green issue around. Nina adds how she turned around the last issue as well. He says they have a creative enemy and wonders what will happen with his issue. Um…have they thought of bringing it to a different printer?

Alexis tells Julian that by the end of the conversation, Kristina practically called her a homophobe.

Kristina tells Lucas about Alexis’s reaction and how she thinks Kristina is just avoiding getting hurt by men. Lucas says she didn’t turn her back on Kristina and a lot of parents react that way at first. Kristina asks why Alexis can’t practice what she preaches and Lucas says she’ll come around in time.

Sam tells Jason about Hayden really being Rachel. Jason wonders why she would have thrown in with Ric if she has money. Sam says she’s the best lead they have for the ELQ case.

Hayden tells Nicholas she wasn’t conning him. Nicholas asks what her agenda was. She says she lost everything when her father went to prison, she ended up in Port Charles by accident, found out about his knowledge of Jason’s identity and tried to blackmail him. Then she got shot in the head for her trouble. She asks if he really thinks she planned all that.

Sam wonders how Hayden and Nicholas got involved. Jason says she knew his secret and came to the garage that day to tell him when she got shot. Sam says what if she was the target all along.

Nicholas says the shooting was an unfortunate accident and Hayden says especially for her. He says someone was trying to kill Jason and he’s sorry she got shot in the crossfire. She says sorry enough to pay her bills and bring her to his home. She says when he was hurt, she was devastated. He says but she was lying to him the whole time.

Alexis tells Julian that the woman Kristina has feelings for is her professor, and she suggested she might be confused. Alexis says Kristina has had some difficult experiences with men. Julian asks if she suggested that’s why Kristina is attracted to women. Alexis says it didn’t come out the way she wanted it to. She says if the professor is harassing Kristina, she has to do something about it.

Nathan tells Dante the situation with Claudette isn’t the same. He thinks Maxie is bothered by it though, no matter what she’s telling him.

Nina says nothing will happen with Joe’s issue. She says they’re going to hunt the saboteur down and kick their ass. Curtis comes in and Nina introduces him as their private investigator. She tells him Mr. Zee is writing something for Crimson, so that have to get a move on. She tells Maxie to take Mr. Zee to discuss concepts.

Maxie tells Joe she didn’t want to discourage him, but he says he likes a challenge. She says she wants to learn from him

Curtis says it’s not a competitor who’s sabotaging them. He says that the other magazine editors seem to think, despite the recent success, that the magazine is going to fold. Nina tells him about how Julian hired her and why it might benefit him if the magazine goes out of business.

Nathan says Maxie claims not to be bothered by his past, but he thinks she is. Dante says if he could go back, he would have told Lulu everything in the beginning.

Sam says they made an assumption when Hayden was shot. Jason says Shawn confessed. Sam suggests there might have been another shooter.

Hayden says Rachel doesn’t exist anymore. She says she’s lied and manipulated, but so has Nicholas. She says he’d been less than truthful, but she was willing to look past that and forgive him, and why can’t he do the same? He brings up the ELQ papers and she says her intention was to help him. Nicholas says even if everything was real, he would be second-guessing everything. He says all the trust they’ve built was destroyed and the marriage is over. I gotta say, he has some nerve after having her shot.

Kristina tells Lucas about getting kicked out of school and telling her parents. She says they were understanding, but if she tells them right now that she’s gay, Sonny’s head is going to explode. Kristina says she’s confused about everything, except her attraction to Parker. Lucas says it might be a one-time crush or something permanent. He tells her to just trust her instincts. She wonders how her parents are going to feel. Julian and Alexis walk in.

While discussing her shoes, Maxie ends up telling Joe about Claudette and how Nathan lied at first, but when he wanted to tell the truth, she told him she didn’t care. Now it’s all she can think about. Joe tells her not to borrow trouble. Claudette is in Nathan’s past, so leave her there. Maxie says if Joe ever gets tired of fashion, he could be a relationship counselor. Nathan comes in. I guess he’s allowed to just walk into a private business meeting.

Jason asks if the second target was Hayden or Rachel. Sam thinks Rachel, but Jason thinks it could be otherwise.

Hayden says a few days ago, they loved each other and now Nicholas wants to pretend it never happened. He thinks they should both cut their losses. She says he just wants to pay her off and have her leave. Nicholas says the prenup is invalid because she didn’t use her real name when they got married. She’s like, nice, he’s going to leave her penniless too. He says she can keep the stuff he bought her (gee, thanks), but she’s not getting a penny more. She says she doesn’t think so.

Maxie introduces Joe who needs to take a call. Nathan asks if Maxie can go for a walk. Joe comes back, saying there’s been a red carpet disaster and one of his clients needs counsel. He says no worries, he’s still doing the spread, and he’s thinking footwear, which excites Maxie. Nina comes in, and Maxie relays what Joe told her. Nathan asks if he can steal Maxie for a walk and Nina says to go and make the world a more romantic place.

Curtis pretends to be a representative for Crimson and calls the printer. He says since the magazine came to them unbound, they shouldn’t have to pay for a printer error. The printer says it wasn’t an error and Curtis asks who gave them instructions for that.

Lucas tells Julian that he and Brad have set a date and they’re getting married in May. Alexis and Julian congratulate him. Lucas has to go back to the hospital and Julian has to get back to the office. Alexis tells Kristina she’s happy for them. Kristina says Alexis doesn’t have a problem with people being gay unless it’s her.

Maxie and Nathan sit in the park, so GH can use the same set that they did with Julian earlier. Nathan says he wants to talk to her about the truth, but Maxie says Claudette is in the past, so they should leave her there. Nathan says he has to tell her because Claudette wasn’t his girlfriend. She was his wife.

Maxie says Nathan never told her he’d been married. He says he knows a lie of omission is still a lie. She says he knows everything about her, including the bad stuff, so why didn’t he tell her. He says it didn’t end well.

Alexis says maybe Brad and Lucas are adults. Kristina gets sarcastic about Alexis looking at her like a child. She says Sonny makes mistakes, but at least he admits it and apologizes, which Alexis never will. Kristina says she gets it. Alexis is right, she’s wrong, message received. She leaves and Alexis calls Parker.

Curtis tells Nina he’s found out who’s behind the sabotage. Nina asks who it is and Julian comes walking out of the elevator.

Jason says Hayden was about to tell him who he was, and Nicholas wouldn’t have wanted that. Sam says yeah, if she was double-crossing him she would have kept his secret. Wow, these two are slow.

Hayden tells Nicholas the prenup doesn’t matter because they’re not getting a divorce. Not with what she knows.

On Monday, Curtis tells Nina who’s undermining Crimson, Franco thinks Kiki should move in with Jason (huh?) and Nathan tells Maxie the truth about his marriage.

The People’s Couch — Quotes of the Week

I like their new ad tagline — Mockery loves company.

Don’t wear your Louis Vuitton’s to shove someone down the stairs. Wear Crocs. — Scott, referring to Empire.

It’s a Vanderpumpvention. Emerson, referring to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

He can’t even walk right.
It’s like dancing with a cardboard cutout of Geraldo Rivera. — Princella and and Scott, respectively, referring to Geraldo Rivera on Dancing with the Stars.