What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Trish tells Michael and Willow, as requested, the best table in the house. Michael thanks her, and she tells them that their waitress will be right with them. Enjoy their meal. Trish leaves, and Willow says, isn’t Michael the perfect husband, taking her out for supper. He says, only the best for his lovely bride. Happy anniversary. She says, just a little bit early, and he says, early or late, every single day with her is a celebration.

Nina asks Trish if everything is okay, and Trish says, everything is fine. She just thought Nina would want to know that her daughter’s here with her husband.

Kristina goes the penthouse and Ava answers the door. Kristina asks if her dad is here, but Ava says, he’s not really available. He’s resting. She’ll tell him that Kristina came by though. Kristina says she’s going to wait for him because she really needs to speak with him tonight, and Sonny says, who’s that? Just what he needs, a visit from one of his favorite daughters. She says she doesn’t know about that, and they hug. He says, definitely in the top three.

Drew calls Carly at Kelly’s, and she says, it’s really great to hear his voice. He says, and hers. He’s calling because he needs to get in touch with Jason and doesn’t have a way to reach him. She says, he has a phone now. She can give him Jason’s number. He says, just give him a message please. Tell Jason that he got a little visit from the FBI this afternoon.

Jason leads Diane into the Corinthos Coffee warehouse, and she thanks him for meeting her in the parking lot. It isn’t the best area of town. Why did he want to meet here in the first place? He says, because this – he opens a door – is going to be his office. She laughs and says, that’s Sonny’s office, and he says, not anymore. (I’m with Jason so far on just about everything, but taking Sonny’s office? Um… no.)

Nina says she didn’t know Michael and Willow were coming in tonight, and Trish says, they’re celebrating their anniversary. Nina says, but their anniversary isn’t until later in the month, and Trish says, there’s a note on the reservation that it’s an anniversary celebration. And somebody called ahead for a special dessert. Nina thanks her.

Willow says she can’t believe it’s a few more weeks and they’ve been officially married for a year, and he says he knows. And he knows their actual anniversary is in the middle of Brook and Chase’s wedding, so he thought they should celebrate tonight. But nothing says they can’t sneak off for some alone time that night too. She says she’s glad they did this. They have a lot of anniversaries to look forward to, but the first one is a big milestone and it’s nice to be here alone with him. He says he feels the same way and they kiss. A server comes over with champagne for the table, and Michael says he thinks it’s a mistake. They didn’t order that. Nina appears and says, that’s her gift. Happy anniversary.

Sonny tells Kristina to have a seat. Put her feet on the table if she wants. Is she hungry? He can grab her something to eat. She says, he doesn’t have to fuss over her, and he says, she can’t blame a father for worrying about his pregnant daughter. She says she knows, and she loves that about him, but she’s good. Ava says, how about something to drink then? and Kristina asks for a water. (Not loving Ava’s new bangs. They belong on a 12-year-old, and Ava is way too stylish for that.) Ava says, of course (🍷), and goes to the bar. Sonny says, it’s late. What’s going on? Kristina says she ran into Josslyn at Bobbie’s and they kind of got into it. There may have been some yelling. He asks what they were fighting about, and she says, him. He says, it’s not surprising because Josslyn isn’t one of his fans, and Kristina says, she’s definitely on the warpath. It drives her crazy that Josslyn always has to be right about everything. The holier-than-thou attitude is so annoying. He says, it doesn’t matter what Josslyn thinks because Kristina shouldn’t have to defend him, but Kristina says she wanted to. He says, these are his battles, not her battles, and she says she knows better than to engage with Josslyn anyway. She couldn’t help herself. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, which are no joke anyway. Ava gives Kristina her water and gives Sonny a drink. Kristina looks from the drink to Ava, then back to the drink.

Carly says, the FBI questioned Drew about Jason? and he says, at least they came to his office and didn’t drag him in for a formal interview. They wanted to know how much contact he’s had with Jason since he resurfaced. She says, that’s ridiculous, but he says, not really. The FBI doesn’t know them and they’re brothers. They might have thought Jason would confide in him. She says she’s sorry he got dragged into this, and he says, at least they know Jason didn’t shoot Dante. Did he happen to mention where he’s been since 2021? She says, no. He hasn’t said much. Drew says, never does. Take care of herself. Stay out of whatever trouble he’s in, okay? If not for herself, then for Josslyn and Donna. They need her to take care of them. Jason can take care of himself.

Making himself comfortable in Sonny’s office, Jason tells Diane that he and Sonny were partners. He still owns 50% of Corinthos Coffee. Or he did. She says, no, he does. Or he will, once the necessary paperwork has been filed. He says, what about everything else? He knows he left his estate equally divided between Jake and Danny, and the other half went to Carly. Nobody’s asked anything. Nobody seems to know what’s going on. What happened? She says, the short answer is, his estate has been in probate the whole time, and he asks, why? What’s the problem? She says, because the law is complicated. There are a lot of hoops to jump through. Normally, it takes seven years for a certificate of death in absentia to be issued, and that was necessary in this case because they couldn’t find his body… which is now very evident as to why. He says, okay, and she says, and even with the notarized statements she had from witnesses, who all claimed no one could have survived that cave-in in Greece, it still should have taken several years. Strangely enough, the government issued a certificate of death in absentia for him the moment she filed the paperwork. Which leads her to believe someone behind the scenes was working in his favor.

Michael says, if they were going to order champagne, they would have done it themselves, and Nina says, that’s just the start. She arranged for the chef to prepare them a fabulous five-course dinner, only their finest dishes. Her treat. Willow says, the last time they spoke, she made it clear she doesn’t want to see Nina, and Nina says she didn’t mean to intrude. She’s just confused because they’re here, so she thought… Willow says, Michael asked her where she wanted to go, and she picked the MetroCourt because she’s always liked it and doesn’t want to avoid it because of Nina. She thought the fact that Nina hadn’t reached out for the past few weeks meant that Nina accepted and honored her wishes. Nina says she’s sorry. She didn’t mean to interrupt. She just thought because they were here… It doesn’t matter what she thought. She picks up the champagne and says she’ll cancel everything and won’t bother them again. She leaves, and Willow asks if that was as awful as it felt. Michael says, it was pretty bad, and she says, this is her fault. They should have gone to the Grill or Café Cherie. He says, she wanted to come to the MetroCourt because she loves their chocolate soufflé, and he wanted to bring her here because she loves their chocolate soufflé, and he loves her. She says, but it was wishful thinking that Nina would actually keep her distance. He says, that’s on her; it’s not on Willow. They’re here together, it’s their anniversary, the chocolate soufflé has already been ordered. So let’s just have a glass of wine and celebrate. She says, he really is the best husband, and he tells her, don’t you forget it, and they kiss.

Kristina says, that water really hit the spot. She thinks she dehydrated herself yelling at Josslyn. Sonny says, next time, she has to just take a deep breath and walk away, and she says, he’s right. What Josslyn thinks doesn’t really matter. He asks, what else is going on? How’s work? She says, work’s fine. Everything’s fine. She does have some good news actually. Allie – Blaze – is going to be the new Face of Deception. He says he knew that because he ran into Blaze’s mother at the MetroCourt when he was meeting with Lois. Natalia was going to talk to Brook about everything. She says, small world. It’s a smart move for both Blaze’s career and Deception. She thinks they’re going to have a lot of crossover exposure there. It’s cool. He says he’s just worried about how it’s going to affect her, and she asks what he means. He says, Blaze is going to be the new Face of Deception and get famous or more famous. Does she think she can deal with that with everything she’s got going on? She says, yeah. She doesn’t think that spotlight’s going to fall on her at all. Maybe if Allie were out publicly, but she made a deal with her mother to keep her personal life personal. He asks how Kristina feels about that.

As Carly flips over the sign at Bobbie’s to Closed, Olivia blows in and says she’s going to kill her. Carly is going to have to bail her out of prison because she’s going to kill her. Carly says, who? and Olivia says, Nina. She fired Pearce. Can Carly believe it? Carly says, the room service waiter? And Olivia says, yes. Some picky guest had a mix-up with the order, which has been known to happen during peak hours when the guy gets a little overwhelmed. Carly says, but they just apologize for him, comp the order, and pull back on the amount of orders he was filling, and Olivia says, of course (🍷). That’s what they would do, but not Nina. She looks at his record, she sees there’s a couple of complaints, and off he goes. (I guess it never occurred to them to maybe not have him scheduled for peak hours or, God forbid, let Nina know.) Carly says, Olivia has to hire him back, and Olivia says, of course (🍷) she’s going to hire him back, but the guy was heartbroken and mortified. The whole staff knew about it. Carly says she can’t believe Nina fired Pearce. He’s been with the MetroCourt since it opened. Olivia says, the woman’s been on a rampage ever since Sonny dumped her, but Carly says she thinks dumped is an excuse. She can’t believe Nina fired sweet Pearce. And she did it without input from Olivia, her partner. Olivia says, that’s not the only thing Nina’s done without input from her.

Jason says, if Diane has his death certificate, why is his estate still in probate? and Diane says, because there were various rumblings about money laundering and racketeering… He says, come on. They know the assets in his will are legitimate. She says, but that needed to be proved to the government’s satisfaction. The wheels of justice turn very slowly when an estate as large as his needs to be vetted. But this is great news because none of his assets have been disbursed and his estate is intact. He should be able to reclaim it with a minimum of fuss. He says, okay. What about Carly? Why is she running Bobbie’s? Why did she give up the MetroCourt? Diane says, she didn’t, and he says, then what happened? She says, in a word – Nina. (Oh, come on. How is it that Nina’s to blame for everything, even things she had nothing to do with? She bought it, but she wasn’t the reason Carly had to sell it. Not to mention she tried to give it back to Carly a couple of times. She even had to be talked into buying it in the first place.)

Willow asks Michael to tell the truth. If Nina hadn’t tried to comp the champagne, was he going to order a bottle? He says he thought they weren’t going to talk about Nina, and she says, he’s right. Consider the subject changed. He says, good, because they’re celebrating, right? and she says, yes. He says, and what is a celebration without – he reaches in his jacket pocket and takes out a jewelry box – a little gift. She tells him that they said no presents. She didn’t get him anything. He says he knows he said that, and he means it, because honestly, he has everything he could ever want. But she, his beautiful bride, deserves the world. She opens the box, sees a gold bangle, and says, it’s stunning. He says he’s glad she likes it, and she says, who wouldn’t like this? He takes it out and puts it on her wrist, and she thanks him. She loves it. She just wishes she had more places to wear it. He asks what she means, and she says, something this fancy doesn’t exactly go with her scrubs, but she’ll save it for special occasions. He says he’ll make sure that more of those occasions happen, and she says, it’s a deal. How did he decide on this? He says, Wiley actually picked it out. He brought Wiley to the jeweler’s, narrowed it down, and Wiley chose that one. She says, Wiley never said a word to her, and he says, Wiley is very good at keeping secrets. She says, it probably helps that Wiley is in bed asleep half the time when she gets home. She constantly feels like she’s playing catch-up and missing things with the kids. Sometimes she only hears about their day from Michael or the nanny. They’re only going to be this young once and she feels like she’s missing so much.

Olivia holds out a paint sample card and asks what color Carly would say that is, and Carly says, light yellow. Olivia says, yes, and thanks her. According to Nina, this is either off-white, chartreuse, or her personal favorite, greenish gold. (I was actually thinking off-white.) The woman is insane. Carly says, that’s for sure, and Olivia says, Nina’s taken advantage of her being distracted with Dante and the hospital and everything, and she painted all the bathrooms on the fourth floor that color. Carly says, that can’t look good, and Olivia says, everyone one of them looks like a walk-in corpse. Carly says, at least it was only one floor, and Olivia says, so far. Who knows what Nina is going to do next time she has her back turned? The woman is a menace. Carly says, for many reasons. Can she get Olivia something? A coffee? Olivia says she just needed to vent, thanks Carly, and hugs her. Olivia leaves, and a woman walks in. Carly says she’s sorry, but they’re closed, and the woman says she’s looking for Diane Miller. Diane asked her to bring these documents here for a meeting with Jason Morgan at this address. Carly says, he stays here, but he’s at his Corinthos Coffee office. Maybe she’s meeting him there. The woman asks if Carly has that address by any chance, and Carly says, actually, she’s on her way there. She can drop off those documents to Diane if she wants. The woman says, that would be a lifesaver, and thanks Carly, giving her the envelope. Carly thanks her back, and the woman leaves.

Jason asks what Nina has to do with the MetroCourt, and Diane says, where does she begin? Jason says, before he left for Greece, Sonny and Carly were back together and Nina was behind him. Diane says, their marriage fell apart shortly after he left. Details not necessary. Suffice to say, Sonny chose Nina over Carly. Then Drew and Michael hatched an ill-advised scheme to get control of ELQ by merging it with Aurora Media. Carly wanted to help; she wanted to invest. So she leveraged her half of the MetroCourt. Then when the deal fell apart, Carly took a huge hit financially. He says, she didn’t tell him any of this, and Diane says, Carly couldn’t buy back her half of the hotel, so Nina swooped in and purchase it. (I hate when they rewrite history. Heaving a Jason-like sigh.) Bobbie gave the diner to Carly to help her back on her feet. He asks why Nina would want the hotel, and Diane says, because Nina Reeves believes that Carly is the reason for everything that’s wrong with her life. So after she took Carly’s husband and her hotel, Nina turned Drew and Carly in to the Feds for SEC violations. Jason’s brother took the blame, did some prison time, but Carly had to pay a five million dollar fine and almost lost her house. Jason says, but she didn’t, and Diane says, no, she didn’t. Somehow, she’s managed to hang on and she’s building back her life. Carly’s not the easiest client she’s ever had, but she’s astonishingly resilient. He says, yeah, she is.

Kristina says she’s fine with the way Allie wants things to be, and Sonny says, really? She says, yeah. Blaze is a famous musician, and she works hard – Ava listens in – and a lot of people in the public eye want to keep their personal lives personal. They’re already on display so much as it is, so she gets it that Blaze would want to keep some things to herself. He says, that’s true, and she says, it would be the same thing if she were dating a male musician who was an up-and-coming hot new artist. She wouldn’t want to be joined at the hip with him either. She wants to be known as her own person and wants to be known for her own achievements, not being someone’s girlfriend. Sonny says, she works so hard. No one is going to think that. She says, maybe not, but she also loves her anonymity. She doesn’t want to be recognized in public. She’d have to think about looking good whenever she goes out. Is he kidding her? It’s not for her. But she’s proud of Allie. She saw Allie when she was going in for a meeting with Nina at Crimson, and she thought, Allie is going to be on the cover of Crimson, and she deserves it. She’s really happy for her. Sonny says, Nina’s at Crimson? and Kristina says she thought he knew that. He says he didn’t – Ava listens even harder – and Kristina says, she is and, no offense to Carly, but she’s really glad for Allie’s sake. She thinks it’s great Nina is back. She just has more experience, and with Allie being the Face of Deception, she’s going to need that. He says he’s happy for Nina. She always loved that magazine. But something seems off here. Ava asks what he means, and he says, why would Drew hire back the woman who put him in prison?

Drew gets ready to leave the office, when Nina comes in. She says, he’ll never guess what happened, and he asks if this has to do with Crimson. She says, no, and he says, too bad… She says she tried to do something really nice for Michael and Willow for their anniversary and she got completely shut down. She wanted to comp Michael and Willow dinner and champagne, and Michael, of course (🍷), immediately said no, and Willow felt she had to side with him. And she has no one. She needs some help. Drew can help her, help her find a way to get back into her daughter and grandkids’ lives. He says he can’t help her, but she says, all she needs to do is talk to Willow… He says, if she’s trying to get sympathy, she came to the wrong place, but she says she doesn’t want sympathy. She wants him to help her. He says, come on. She’s got to take responsibility for her actions. She’s the one who ruined her relationship with Michael and Willow. She burned that bridge. There’s nothing he can do. She says, that’s where he’s wrong. Now that she’s back at Crimson, he can appoint her to the Aurora Board of Directors. Then Michael will be forced to deal with her. And this will be the start of her way back in. He asks why he’d help her. What would he get out of this? She says, for one thing, it would drive Carly crazy.

Nina says, Carly expects all the men in her life – Sonny, Jason, Drew – to be wrapped around her little finger, no matter how poorly she treats them. Drew says, except he’s not in Carly’s life, and she says, but that doesn’t matter to Carly. Come on. He’s not this naïve. Carly expects him to be loyal to her, even though she’s not loyal to him. And he knows she’s right. Carly’s sense of entitlement knows no bounds. If he promotes her to the board of directors, Carly will think they’re allies, or maybe even friends. And that’ll drive Carly crazy, and she’ll come running to him, begging for his attention.

Diane says she has already started the process by having Jason’s accounts reinstated. Once that happens, he’ll have complete access to everything. He says, good, and she says, in fact, her paralegal was supposed to come to this meeting tonight and bring her some documents for Jason to review and sign. She’s guessing because of the hour and the location, they got too nervous to come down. She’ll have everything to him tomorrow, latest. He thanks her and she starts to leave, but he says, hold on. He needs her to do something else for him. She says, name it, and he says, Sonny made it very clear to him that he doesn’t want to see his face or hear from him again. So he wants her to let Sonny know that he’s taking back his half of the company and he’s going to be working right here.

Michael says, it’s up to Willow. What he said from the beginning still stands. He’ll support her if she wants to keep working and he’ll support her if she wants to quit. She says, getting her nursing degree was hard and she really wanted to get back to work, but the truth is, she does have the luxury of spending more time at home with their kids. Wiley’s school is half-day, but Amelia is still so little. She wants those sweet baby moments… and she notices he’s not saying anything. He says he doesn’t want to influence her, and she says, but? He says, but nothing. It really is her choice. They have plenty of money. She says, he has plenty of money, but he says, it’s her money too, because she’s family. Her, him, Wiley, and Amelia. And what’s best for their family is for her to do what she thinks is right. She says, it is an incredible luxury knowing she doesn’t have to work, that she could choose something different, something that gave her more time with the kids. And maybe it is time she really thought about it. He says, if she decides not to keep working at the hospital, there is other work she can do. More flexible, and she’d still be doing a lot of good. She says, please tell her more about this flexible do-gooding occupation he just described, and he says, his great-grandmother Lila was on the board of several non-profit charities, and they did amazing things. She could choose a charity, or charities, she’s interested in, and she could really make a difference. She could work it around her schedule with the kids and she’d have the best of both worlds.

Ava tells Sonny that she wouldn’t worry about it. If Drew is up to something, then Nina will figure it out. She can take care of herself. He says, she’s probably right, and Kristina says, it’s getting really late, and she has plans with Blaze, so she’s going to get going. She hates to drink and run, but… She hugs Sonny and says she loves him. He says he loves her too, and Kristina says goodbye to Ava. She leaves, and Ava says, other than her little tiff with Josslyn, Kristina seems good. He says, she does. So did Ava’s friend Nina tell her that she got her job back at Crimson, and Ava just didn’t mention it? Ava says, that’s not what happened. In fact, Nina’s phone must be lost under some photographs on her desk because she hasn’t heard from her. And maybe those divorce papers she hasn’t signed yet are there too. He says he didn’t know she was keeping track, and she says she just knows he wants things settled. It’s none of her concern. He laughs and says he guesses she’s right. They look at each other longingly.

Two guys beat the crap out of John in an alleyway, but they hear a car horn and stop. Carly yells, leave him alone! and gets out of the car. The guys take off, and Carly runs to John. She asks if he’s okay and takes his pulse. He groans, and she asks if he can hear her. She flips him over and realizes who it is.

Carly tells John to look at her. She asks if he knows who she is, and he says, she’s Carly Spencer. She says, that’s good. Thank God. She helps him sit up, but he says he’s got it. She says, he’s hurt. She’s going to call 911. They can’t have gotten far. He says, no. Don’t. They jumped him from behind. He can’t identify them. It’s pointless. She asks why they attacked him. Was it a robbery? Did they take anything? He checks to see if he has his wallet and says, they didn’t take anything. She says she must have scared them off when she pulled up and started yelling at them, and he says, either that, or robbery wasn’t their intention. He gets up and leans against the wall. She says, they have to get him out of here in case they decide to come back. She’s going to walk him to his car. Lean on her. He puts his arm around her shoulders, and she helps him down the alley.

Michael says he thinks Willow would be fulfilled raising their kids and working with these charities. And she’d be amazing at both. Taking his hand, she says, even after all this time, sometimes she still forgets how much he believes in her. He says, always, and she says, it’s kind of crazy. Growing up like she did, she never dreamed that one day she’d be in a position to have this kind of choice. He makes her feel like the luckiest person in the world. He says, right back at her, and they kiss.

While Ava and Sonny stare at each other, there’s a knock at the door. He says he has to get that, and opens the door to Diane. He says, it’s pretty late. What’s wrong? She says, there’s nothing wrong. She’s here on behalf of another client. He says, Jason, and she says, yes. With Jason’s return, his estate will immediately be pulled from probate. All of his assets will be returned to him, and he’s asked her to tell Sonny that he’ll be resuming his half-interest in Corinthos Coffee. He says, that’s not going to happen, but she says she just came from the warehouse where he’s setting up his office. Sonny says, message received, and walks out of the apartment. Diane smiles at Ava.

Nina tells Drew that just because Carly comes running, doesn’t mean he has to let her in. He already played hero for her. Do something for himself for once. He says, by doing something for her, and she says, by helping her get closer to her daughter. He says, Willow has made it very clear. She doesn’t want to get close to Nina. She doesn’t want to know Nina at all. Nina asks Drew to have some compassion. He knows what it’s like to be separated from his child. He asks, who’s fault was that? How dare she demand his help with her kid, when she got him locked away? She says she didn’t create those consequences. He and Carly did when they… He says, the excuses keep coming, and they both yell at the same time. He starts to walk away, but she grabs his arm, and his shirt opens, several buttons popping off. She says she’s talking to him, but then gets mesmerized by his abs. He asks, what’s wrong with her? and he realizes his lack of buttons. She wonders where the buttons have gotten to, and he takes off his shirt. He tosses it at her and says, they’re all hers.

In John’s hotel room, Carly says she wants John to see a doctor, but he says he just needs some ibuprofen. His head is pounding is all. She says, no surprise there. What the hell was he doing walking around the waterfront at this hour, two blocks from Corinthos Coffee? He says, that’s not important. He appreciates her walking him in. He can take it from here. She says, what he needs to do is sit down and rest. She’s going to get him some ice and water, so he can take that ibuprofen. He says, that’s not necessary. He can do it himself. She tells him, stop trying to be so macho. She’ll accept that he won’t go to the hospital, if he accepts that he needs her help. Deal? He says, deal, and she says she’ll help him sit down. Be careful. He may have some broken ribs. She helps him to the sofa, and he thanks her. He says she’s welcome.

Michael frowns at his phone and Willow asks if there’s something wrong. He says, no. It’s just Aurora business. He’ll talk to Drew about it tomorrow. Tonight is about them. She asks, how is Drew? Does he seem okay to Michael? Michael says, he seems fine. Why? She says she was just thinking how weird it is that when they were hiding Jason and taking care of him, they never asked Drew for help even though Michael works with him and he is Jason’s brother. He says, Jason and Drew aren’t very close. It never even occurred to him to tell Drew. Drew hasn’t said a word about Jason’s return, and he didn’t think he should be the one to bring it up. She says she just feels bad for Drew. It must feel like things changed overnight for him. One minute, Michael’s mom and Drew are a solid couple. Then Jason comes to town and Carly and Drew break up. The two of them basically stopped reaching out to him too. That’s got to sting. Michael says he doesn’t want to hurt Drew, but protecting her is his number one priority, and nobody can know they were involved with hiding Jason. She says she knows. He’s right, but she can’t help wondering how Drew is dealing with all of this. He says, because she has a big heart and cares about people, but not to worry. Trust him. Drew can take care of himself.

Drew asks if there’s something else Nina wants, and Nina asks if Carly ever told him that he has a nice body. He says, she’s only seen half of it, and she says, you boys. You’re all the same. You act so brave when you’re on your barstools or picnic benches and behind your desks. But what do you do when a girl takes you up on it – she moves closer to him – and does something like this? She unbuttons her blouse and says, do you cower? He unbuttons another button, and she touches his chest. He kisses her, then stops and looks at her. She says, he’s such a Boy Scout, and he says, a man lets a lady say no. She asks if she said no, and he kisses her again. He kicks the door shut, and backs her to the desk, swiping everything off with his hand. They start getting busy, and he throws her blouse at the camera.

Jason hears someone come into the warehouse, and says, hey, Sonny. Sonny says he doesn’t want Jason here. He wants Jason gone.

Tomorrow, Drew says, Nina is going to have to make it so worth his while; Carly says she’s staying right here and saving John from himself; Portia says she’s going to need Curtis to prove that; and Sonny says he doesn’t want Jason anywhere near him.

🤯 I’ve got to say, did not see the Nina/Drew thing coming.

Vanderpump Rules

Venice Beach. After driving Sandoval away, Ariana asks, what’s up with this? and Brock says he thinks she just castrated Sandoval and he’s sitting in the corner. Ariana says, he’s been throwing jabs at her. She’s allowed to feel a certain way. She never did anything to him. In Ariana’s interview, she says, now Sandoval is doing everything he can to make her seem like she was a horrible partner. If this is the type of conversation he has when everyone is present, he needs to STFU. Schwartz says he and Sandoval will go elsewhere, since he doesn’t want to jeopardize the vibe, and Ariana says, bye. Schwartz leaves, and Ariana says, he’s never going to get it. She wants him to jump in the ocean. Lala says, no way is this winning, but Ariana says she didn’t do anything to him, period. The Toms go to a bar on the boardwalk, and Schwartz says, Sandoval needs to get out of that house, but Sandoval says, Ariana paid for the dog, that means everything else is his. (Mwa-ha-ha-ha!) In Sandoval’s interview, he says he paid for everything the house needed. Pens, batteries, the electrical work, repairs, toilet paper, paper towels. Schwarz says, Sandoval got destroyed on the internet when he said that. Why bring it up again? In his interview, Sandoval says, when Ariana gets her own place, it’s going to be a rude awakening.

Brock suggests they go to the bar, and Scheana says, Tori is coming to the bar. In Scheana’s interview, she says she doesn’t have the best track record at matchmaking – we flash back to her encouraging Schwartz to make-out with Raquel – but now that Schwartz and Katie are totally over, it might be okay to set him up again. Lala says she loves Tori. They talked at Scheana’s wedding. In her interview, Scheana says, she introduced Schwartz to her former nanny Tori, and we see a clip of Tori saying she thinks Schwartz is hot. Scheana says, clearly, she misjudged things. When Katie heard about it, she said Tori should date her instead. But all’s fair in love and war, and with Schwartz and Katie, that’s really all you get. Katie calls Schwartz to tell him that he left his stuff, and Schwartz says, it was for a greater cause, Ariana’s feelings and the beach day vibe. He thanks her for grabbing it, but she says she’s just letting him know the stuff is there. They’re moving. The group heads for the bar. Schwartz and Sandoval flirt with some girls and buy them a drink. Sandoval toasts to Venice, sun and laughter, and a continued happy ever after. Tori arrives and introduces herself as Schwartz’s ex-wife. He asks what she wants to drink, and she says, he knows what she likes. He says, champagne, and in his interview, he says he thought Tori was super cute and super fly. When they were at Hotel Ziggy, she confessed that she thought he was fly as well. Some validation? He brings back champagne sparkling wine and not a champagne glass. Schwartz asks if she wants to go on a date, she says, okay, and they clink not champagne glasses. The others eat oysters in a booth, until Katie decides to invade Schwartz’s space. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, what a little c*ck blocker. He doesn’t know if Katie is into Tori or just competing. In Katie’s interview, she says, if Schwartz doesn’t like her taking his girl, maybe he should try harder. Schwartz leaves, and she calls him a weirdo.

James plays cornhole while Ally plays ping-pong with Brock. Lala tells Ariana that she can’t control what Sandoval does. She can only control herself. She wonders if Ariana has unresolved feelings, and Ariana says she understands her anger isn’t healthy, but they can never say she f***ed up. Lala tells her that she never said that, and asks if Ariana feels like Sandoval threw her away like she was nothing. She created a life with someone, and this is what happens when it unravels. There are no guarantees it will work out. Scheana suggests they get Ariana out of that house. Who cares about material items? They just want her to be happy. Ariana cries and says, it sucks. She put so much of her life, money, and time into making that her dream home. It was not only wrecked, but Sandoval wants to act like he’s someone deserving when she never did anything to him. In Ariana’s interview, she says she keeps her armor up because this sh*t is traumatic. She’s trying to find ways to go through it without making it everyone’s problem. (Too late.) She tells them that Sandoval is openly talking sh*t and has no remorse. Lala says, Ariana rose to the occasion, grabbed opportunity by the balls, and ran.

Katie talks with Tori at a picnic table, and says, while she hasn’t had a relationship with a girl, she’s had sex with a girl. Tori says, it’s better, and Katie says she would never put a label on herself. She likes people. In Katie’s interview, she says she’s always had an attraction to women. She thought she and Schwartz were forever, but that’s not going to stop her from doing anything. Tori says, Katie is so pretty, and she wants to kiss her. They kiss, and at another table, Lala says, they’re giving each other sex eyes. They kiss some more.

Jo meets Lala at a hot dog place. They order and sit down. Jo says, they look like a lesbian couple, and thanks Lala for coming here. Lala says, Schwartz suggested she talk to Jo. She saw Jo at Ziggy and saw she was not okay. We flash back to that, and Jo says, very much not okay. In Jo’s interview, she says she didn’t feel welcome. Schwartz loves his friends, and she wants to be welcomed into the group. Lala’s the ticket. Lala asks if Jo knew about Sandoval and Raquel, but Jo says, no. They hung out a couple of times, but she wasn’t paying attention to them. She was looking at Schwartz. In her interview, Jo says she thought Ariana and Sandoval had broken up. It’s crazy to think she’d pry and ask Sandoval how his relationship is going. Move on. Lala says, Jo and Schwartz are the strangest thing in the world, and Jo says, he doesn’t want a relationship, but they’re emotionally close. She’s being there for T-Money. That’s a random thing she made up. Lala says, T-Money and Joseph should be on their wedding invite, and Jo is like, no, but we all know she’s thinking, ooh, wedding.

Ariana, Katie, Ally, and James go to a golf range. James’s ball is a dud, and he says, it was a practice run. I laugh because I stink at golf. He asks if Katie remembers making out with Tori, and Katie says, they were chatting. He asks, at what point did it go from chatting to making out? and she says, Schwartz is going on a date with Tori. James asks if she’s moving in on Schwartz’s date, but she says, it’s not always about him. James says, it’s in the same month she slept with Max, and in James’s interview, he wonders why everyone is acting like this is normal. Katie married Schwartz in a white dress with vows and cheers. Now they’re divorced and dating the same girl who looks 21. Sh*t is f***ing weird. Ariana says she doesn’t want to be triggered, and Sandoval keeps throwing jabs at her. James says, Sandoval invited him to paintball, and Ariana says, there are group texts she’s not included in now. Seriously. I don’t know what either Ariana or Sandoval expect. No one wants to be in the same room with the two of them together. Katie tells James to take Ariana’s anger out on Sandoval, and Ariana says, Sandoval thinks he’s a professional paintballer. Ally asks how the house stuff is going, and Ariana says she’s waiting to see if he counters her counter offer. James asks, what if he rejects it? and she says, the letter says, after this many days, they’ll go to court and have the house sold. I didn’t quite catch it, but I think she added it would be a short sell, which is something you don’t want because that means doing it ASAP, and you’re not likely to get top dollar. Ally asks what Ariana’s dream place looks like, and Ariana says she wants treehouse vibes. Ally tells her to manifest that, and Ariana says she wants a place where this is hers and no one can take it.

Scheana accompanies Lala to the sperm bank, and in Lala’s interview, she says she loved being pregnant and knows she’d like to carry on her own. She wants to be fully in charge of her child and never wants the unknown. It may work out or you may enter into a custody battle and have to share the child. We flash back to her custody war with Randall, and she says she just wants to know her kid is hers forever. Director Brian comes out and asks how she’s doing, and she says she’s a little nervous. She never thought she’d be coming to a sperm bank, but she’s learned to never say never. She asks if most people that come to donate are looking for cash or just being good humans, and he says, a lot of donors desire to help others. She asks if they know the sperm is healthy, and he says, every donor has a psyche evaluation in addition to a genetic panel screening. The most important part of the process is donor selection. Lala says, in her mind, her daughter was conceived out of love, but because that type of love is taken out of the process, she wants this baby to know they’re all there, waiting for her enter the world. He says, they do their best to make the process simple, easy, and maybe a little exciting. He leaves Lala to process, and Lala tells Scheana that she’s going to form a family. She feels like part of something broken. Scheana says, Lala has a lot to think about, but at the end of the day, she’s an amazing mother and will provide an amazing life for her kids. In her interview, Lala says she pictured life how she grew up, with a mom and dad in the same household. That didn’t happen and it’s really hard. She feels like she deeply failed an innocent soul, and it wasn’t because of her. So she’s not risking that again. Scheana says, the beach was intense. She’s treading lightly with Ariana and doesn’t want to upset her. Lala says she doesn’t know if Ariana is trying to stand her ground, but she’s not going to win. It’s simple. Move out. If she’s choosing to stay, Lala can’t feel bad. Scheana says, it’s her pride. She can’t let go. Lala says, it’s more than pride. Your pride is saved living with the man who screwed you over? You’d have more pride living in a box on Sunset. Scheana says, one day, whenever this is over, it will make sense as to why it took this long, and Lala says she hopes so.

Schwartz goes to the hair salon where Jo works. He tells her to do anything to his hair, and she says she’s going to bleach it. He says he went on a date with Tori, who’s been very close to Scheana for ten years. Jo says she’d like to know why he’s going on a date with someone in the friend group, and Schwartz says, that’s changed since Katie slept with Max. Jo asks, how come she’s getting hate? and Schwartz says he has a tidbit. Tori made out with Katie before their date. It feels bizarre, and Tori is going on a date with Katie today. We see Tori and Katie doing some painting at Katie’s place, and Katie says she’s going to Bob Ross her way through this. Jo asks who liked Tori first, Schwartz or Katie? but he’s not sure. He tells her that he’s going to a singles mixer with Sandoval because Sandoval didn’t want to go alone, and Jo says she wants to go. She takes the bonnet off Schwartz, and he asks if he looks edgy. Jo says he looks like Eminem, but not agreed.

Scheana, Ariana, Katie and Ally have a girls’ night at a bar, and Katie and Schwartz going out with Tori is discussed. Lala thinks it’s weird, and Katie says, Tequila Katie is a ho. At the LA Singles event, Schwartz says, he’s feeling Kenergy, and tells Sandoval that he wanted to invest in himself. In Schwartz’s interview, he says he’s heard blonds have more fun, and it’s ringing true for him. He’s embracing his pre midlife crisis mode. In Sandoval’s interview, he says, Schwartz and Jo are on different pages. Jo sees their situationship glass as half full of a relationship, and Schwartz being Schwartz is giving her mixed signals. It’s part of his superpower. He’s charming all the time. Jo messes with Schwartz’s hair, which, IMO, is less of an I-love-you thing than a hairdresser thing. Kyle says, she’s not going to get him girls.

At girls night, Katie says she heard Lala and Jo got together, and Lala said she reached out to Jo, who wanted to give her side. Schwartz asked her to. Katie says, Jo means nothing to Lala, but she does. Why is she doing this? In Lala’s interview, she says, Jo is harmless. She’s not rolling up to steal their men. She says, Katie is her homie, but she called Jo a crackhead and is treating her like the bad one. Katie says, this isn’t making sense, and Lala says, it’s not her job for her life to make sense to Katie. Katie says she likes consistent, and Lala says, she’s not best friends with Jo or Raquel, but they need to let it go. If Katie wants to hang on to it, she wishes her the best. At LA Singles, the hostess gives the group wristbands – green for single, yellow for open, and red for wingmen. Kyle tells Schwartz that he can’t be with Jo always and expect to get girls. Sandoval talks to several girls, and Schwartz says he’s a make-out slut. In Jo’s interview, she says she had the impression they were here to support Sandoval, but when they got here, Schwartz was interested in other women. Is she chopped liver? In Schwartz’s interview, he says, maybe it’s not realistic to be as close as he and Jo are and go out with other people. He’s wondering if she’s in deeper than he is. She’s not his girlfriend. In her interview, Jo says, they are still hooking up and have said I love you, but it bothers her that he doesn’t want to share their relationship with his friends. It bothers her and she’s tired of feeling like a secret. She says she hates this and leaves.

The group, minus Ariana and Katie, meet for paintball, along with some other random friends. When they see his blond hair, Schwartz says, he woke up like this, and in James says he thought maybe Schwartz got sick of dying it the wrong brown. In James’s interview, he wonders if he’s the only person who’s realized Schwartz has been covering his grey hair for a long time. You can’t see the grey when it’s bleached blond. Sandoval asks Scheana how it’s going, and she says she’s not playing. She’s just here for moral support. She thought it was indoors, like a more of a laser tag situation. So there’s no VIP bathroom? Instructor Matt says, you can go blind or get your teeth knocked out, and Scheana says, that doesn’t seem fun. Agreed. Matt says, they have rattlesnakes too. When a paintball breaks on their body, they’re out. James is captain of Team One, and Sandoval is captain of Team Two. Sandoval tells his team to spread out, and Schwartz says, Sandoval is cold blooded and takes this sh*t seriously. The girls watch, and Scheana says, Sandoval is like a professional. Lala says, the energy at girls’ night took a turn, and Ally says, update her. Lala says she and Katie have been getting into it a lot, and Scheana says, Katie got upset that Lala went to lunch with Jo. Lala says, they grabbed a hot dog, and Ally says she’s glad. She felt bad for Jo. Lala says, Jo is hard to follow; she’s all over the place. Katie got upset, saying she liked loyalty and constancy, and Lala was like, hold the f*** up. Loyalty from a girl who just f***ed her ex’s best friend. She knows Katie’s been unhappy for a long time and she tried to baby Katie, but she isn’t going to be on the receiving end of her going crazy. It’s unclear who, if anyone, won the paintball game.

Schwartz comes home and Jo is there. He asks, what happened the other night? He’s confused and wonders if he’s sending mixed signals. They have undeniable chemistry and have a good time, but that being said, he doesn’t want a relationship. He wants to date other people. Jo says, imagine how she feels. They’ve been there for each other. Does she embarrass him? He says, not at all. People are saying they’re secretly dating. Maybe they need to not hang out as much. Jo says, or at all, and in Schwartz’s interview, he says, to hear her say that is gut wrenching. They had a fantastic voyage full of compassion and support. Maybe even love. It would be a tragedy if they never hung out again. Schwartz says girls he just wants to have fun, and Jo says, they have a weird connection. Everyone else sees it. It’s so easy with them together. They’d be disgustingly ugly and old and laughing. He agrees 100%, and she says, maybe they need time, because deep down, she has feelings for him. He says, it’s the same with him; he’s not denying them. Jo tears up and says, there’s nothing wrong with being honest. She’d never pressure him. She wants to let him do him. He says, same, and she says, the most amazing thing they have is the support, the laughter, and the banter. She’ll miss that. She thinks it only comes around once in a while. It’s okay to say he can find it somewhere else. In Jo’s interview, she says, it’s hard. She just wants him to be happy. He’s her favorite person in the world and that’s the goddam truth. She thinks the world of him. She cries and Schwartz asks if she’s okay. She gets up, says she wants to call her dad, and leaves. Schwartz weakly calls after her, because he’s a ballless dude who fears pretty much everything.

I hate this type of guy even more than a player. They mess with your feelings, but won’t commit, then pretend they don’t get what’s happening. I hope he rots.

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🐍 Valley Venom…

Jax: I just want to have a nice dinner, have some shots, and get drunk.

Me: Same.

When this show isn’t boring me, it’s giving me a headache with all the nonsense screaming and yelling.

🌴 Watching Out For That Tree…

Drop in tomorrow for a little soap, a little this, and a little that. Until then, stay safe, stay standing at least a foot away when talking to someone new, and stay never giving mixed signals. It’s the worst.