Category Archives: fantasy

August 21, 2016 – NJ Wife Teresa Loses the Bracelet & Fear the Walking Dead Finds My TV

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Dolores is getting a “facelift” for her house. Frank has sent a crew (where can you get an ex-husband like him?), but she wants things done a certain way and is trying to get ahold of him. She wanted to gut the kitchen and he’s only refacing it. Siggy says she’s a hustler and a survivor who’s basically living off of Frank.

Siggy and Delores visit Jacqueline (bleh) who they think looks “adorable” shoveling snow. It doesn’t take Jacqueline long to bring up Teresa, make fun of her accent, and say that she’s passive/aggressive. Siggy says the two of them are fencing by hitting each other’s trigger points.

Melissa says when Joe #2 and Teresa have tension, it trickles down. She’s miffed that Jacqueline called him, and Joe says the girls constantly twist his words around. Melissa says he shouldn’t have gotten pulled into a chick fight.

Teresa is looking forward to getting her ankle bracelet taken off. You don’t even have to go somewhere for this – Joe #1 is cutting it off with a pair of scissors. The kids are having a snow day, which Joe says is good for them, not so much for him. Teresa is thrilled that she can now pick up her kids at school and do whatever she needs to. Joe roughhouses with Milania and Teresa reminds him that he doesn’t have boys and says he’s too rough with the kids. Joe thinks yelling at them is a better idea.

Melissa meets Jacqueline <sigh and eye roll> for lunch. She asks what happened with Teresa. She’s not happy with Jacqueline calling Joe #2. She says she wishes Jacqueline wouldn’t have put him in that position. Because she has no empathy for anyone else, Jacqueline starts waving her finger in Melissa’s face, saying how much she’s done for their family. Melissa thinks something’s “off” with her and tells her that she’s creating problems. Jacqueline tells her that Teresa brought Joe up first. In her interview, Jacqueline says that the new namaste Teresa is a con artist. Jacqueline suggests that she and Melissa just never bring Teresa up again, which is beyond ridiculous. Melissa is like, why does this have to be complicated? I’ll tell you why. Because Jacqueline is a self-centered moron who wants to dictate other people’s behavior.

Siggy’s parents visit her. She tells them how her kids are growing up in a different generation and talks to her parents about getting them interested in family and tradition. Siggy grew up in Israel. Her father was a Holocaust survivor and she says she comes from a family of survivors. Her father talks about how Fridays were always family nights and they made sure to have dinner together. Siggy says after her divorce, she let things with the kids slide and wants to change that.

Ashlee tells her parents that they’re young and cool. Okay. It’s her one-year anniversary with her boyfriend, Pete, and he’s coming over for dinner. They’re talking about moving in together and Chris says it’s a big commitment and makes it known that marriage is preferable. Chris says Pete reminds him of himself. In the kitchen, Pete confides in Jacqueline that he wants to look at rings, but he’d like her help. She gets so excited, she drops the silverware.

The Gorgas go to the Giudices for dinner. Melissa asks Teresa if her leg feels lighter. They talk about health topics and Teresa confuses an enema with edamame. I literally LOL. Melissa tells her about the lunch with Jacqueline. Teresa says she’s evil and tells Melissa about Jacqueline baiting her. Melissa thinks the problem is they’re both Tauruses, but says since she’s the ram, she’s going to butt them in a minute. Teresa says she’s done with Jacqueline and her innocent act. I agree with her on that. Jacqueline loves to act like she wears a halo, but she’s always spoiling for a fight or some kind of drama.

Siggy tells her son that they’ll be doing Kiddish (a Jewish celebratory meal) on Fridays from now on. She says she doesn’t want the kids to be “super Jews,” but she does want to start some traditions. Her parents are joining them. She announces no phones at the table. She says family and tradition bring you together.

Frank goes to Dolores’s house. She tells him she wants to knock one of the kitchen walls down. Frank agrees. She moves next to wanting a tile floor, but compromises when he says he’ll do a darker finish. She suggests he just give her the money, but that’s a no.

Teresa is holding a family meeting. She says she grew up not talking about feelings, and she wants her daughters to be able to express their opinions. She tells everyone to write down what improvements they’d like and Milania suggests no sisters. Her next best suggestion is for her sisters and dad to stop calling her fat, and tells Joe #1 he’s no one to talk because he looks pregnant. I guess he deserved that one. Teresa makes a promise not to answer the phone when she’s engaging with the girls. Am I seeing this right? Does their dog have a magenta mohawk?

Sophie says she has no social life without her phone. Siggy tells her that being connected to the phone is a disconnect with the real world. She wants her son to hand over his phone as well, but Siggy’s father says he’s a good kid and to get off his back.

Teresa feels the family meeting was a success. Tomorrow is Milania’s 10th birthday and she wants to do something special.

When Milania gets home from school, a pink limo is waiting. The family goes to something called iFly, where you get in a chamber and float around like you’re skydiving. It reminds me of that scene in Willy Wonka when they steal the Fizzy Lifting Drinks. It looks like a lot of fun.

Pete and Jacqueline go ring shopping. Neither one of them believe it’s happening. Jacqueline says although Ashlee is 25, she still thinks of her as a little kid. We flash back to Ashlee being a jerkface in the past and getting kicked out of the house.

Milania says for her 11th birthday, she wants to go real sky diving. In her interview, Teresa talks about Joe not being there for Milania’s next birthday. She says when they got married, she never dreamed she’d even be having these conversations, but somehow they’ll get through it.

Dolores’s dog, Boo, is having kidney failure and I can’t bear hearing her talk about it. Jacqueline shows up with her own sledge hammer to help demo the kitchen. I’m sure she’s good at wrecking walls. Dolores’s business partner, Maz, calls her up, annoyed that she’s busy with her kitchen and not at work. She wonders if she’s sabotaging herself. She’s been divorced 18 years, and in her interview, Siggy suggests that Dolores start standing on her own.

Melissa suggests a girls trip to Crystal Springs over the weekend. Teresa wants to know who’s invited, and when Melissa hesitates, Teresa asks if Melissa really expects her to spend her first free weekend with Jacqueline. Melissa says it’s just to put things in a peaceful place and her girlfriends will be there with her.

Meanwhile, back at the kitchen, Dolores and Siggy talk to Jacqueline, and Jacqueline asks if this is a Teresa/Jacqueline intervention. Dolores says letting time go by will just create more animosity. Jacqueline acts like she’s on board with that, but no way I would trust her.

Teresa’s book, Turning the Tables, arrives in the mail. She reads the dedication to her daughters out loud and starts tearing up. She’s been on the NY Times Best Seller List three times and Joe tells her it’s a great accomplishment. Teresa tells him about going to Crystal Springs to celebrate her newfound freedom.

Next time, the girls trip happens, Teresa calls Joe to come pick her up, and Jacqueline gets stupid.

Fear the Walking Dead

Great, I have to remember all these people’s names again.

Nick wakes up next to a dead body. Sophia is in the doorway and tells him that things changed quickly. She says there’s a group headed south and he should come. He asks if there’s a place to go for someone like Celia. She says there are places that embrace the dead, but it’s dangerous on the road. He decides to head north. She gives him supplies and tells him it won’t be an easy trip.

Nick begins his journey and there’s a song part. It’s pretty desolate, no other people or zombies. He sees a couple of cars that look like they were in an accident. He flashes back to a thumb wrestling match with a girl when he was in rehab. She tells him he needs to make nice with his parents to get out more quickly and suggests they role play with her being his dad. Nick tells his “father” about how he used to be there, but isn’t any more. He gets a little emotional and the girl hugs him.

Back in the present, Nick comes across a town. He enters a house. It’s totally empty, without even any furniture. He makes a fire and has some food. His back is to an open door, which I don’t advise during a zombie apocalypse. Or maybe at any time.

Someone enters the house and wakes a sleeping Nick. It’s a woman and a little girl. The woman screeches at him in Spanish while hitting him with a baseball bat as the girl cowers in the corner. Nick quickly gathers up his stuff and gets out.

Further down the road, there are more cars, some with zombies in them. Since zombies can’t figure out seat belts, he reaches into one of the cars for supplies. He finds a radio. As he fiddles with it, a Jeep comes up the road and he ducks down behind a car. The Jeep stops and some guys with weapons get out..

They see a nearly dead man in a car, moaning, and spear him through the eye. They find it amusing and Nick starts to get concerned. Right then, the radio makes a noise and the guys know Nick is there. He runs and they chase him, shooting at him. He serpentines through a wooded area. Great, now he’s lost his backpack and the radio.

Nick stops to catch his breath and comes to an open field. We get a crane shot and it looks like he’s in the middle of nowhere. I’m assuming this is an all Nick episode? Nick examines a cactus, kicking a piece of it off to get to the inside. He tries to squeeze some liquid into his mouth and is unsuccessful. Dude, just, okay, he’s opening it up and chewing on the pieces. But they don’t stay down. Bummer. He takes a pee and drinks that. (Sorry.)

Nick hunkers down next to an abandoned truck. We flash back to rehab again. He and the girl are waiting for their parents. Madison shows up and Nick tells the girl good luck. The social worker tells Nick that he’s meeting with his mom in private for a moment.

Madison tells Nick his father isn’t coming. He was in an accident coming home. It was a head-on collision and he didn’t make it. Nick doesn’t take it well. His friend hears him yell and looks through the room window as his mother tries to comfort him.

Nick awakens to a pack of dogs that think he’s food. He beats them off and climbs to the top of the truck. Good thing they aren’t cats. Nick is seriously having the worst luck. The dogs suddenly stop and Nick sees a load of zombies coming toward them. The dogs attack the zombies who don’t really seem to react. Okay, the zombies eat the dogs. I guess they’re just slow.

Nick is baking on the top of this truck and the zombies are still hanging around. They suddenly notice him and head in his direction. He hears a horn and then gunshots. I guess the zombies do too, and go toward the noise. Nick jumps down from the truck and grabs a belt off of a zombie to use as a tourniquet. He’s able to walk among them since he’s covered in zombie blood. He imagines a female zombie is the girl from rehab and she’s talking to him.

40 miles to Tijuana. Nick continues to shuffle along and here come those guys in the Jeep again. Talk about a rock and a hard place. The guys start shooting at the zombies. WTF, Nick? The zombies get shot around him, but he’s totally focused on the front most guy. They lock eyes. When the dude realizes it’s Nick, he gets distracted, dtops his weapon and ammunition and the zombies attack. The guy who is driving the Jeep takes off like a rocket. Can’t say as I blame him. The zombies move on after eating their fill.

A group of three people see Nick through binoculars. One of them wants to help Nick, But Luci, who seems to be in charge, doesn’t want to. Nick falls to his knees as the zombies continue on. He again thinks about the girl in rehab. They’re in bed together and he’s reading a book his dad gave him. They do some heroin, so apparently their parents wasted the money on rehab. In the present, it begins to rain. Nick wakes up and opens his mouth, thirsty for water.

Nick limps into a town where there are normal dog sounds, but no people. It’s pretty big, so I’m thinking maybe this is Tijuana. He makes his way to a drug store. Nick throws things around, looking through the shelves, finding nothing of use. He goes into a barber shop where he wraps his wound. The three people who’d been watching him come in. He explains in broken Spanish that the bite is from a dog and asks for water. Luci says she knows someone who can help him. She tells Nick, “Vamos!” and even I know what that means.

They go to a medical clinic, where Alejandro, a pharmacist who speaks English, tells Nick he’s working on an infection and tends to the bite. Alejandro tells him he’s foolish; death is not to be feared, but it shouldn’t be pursued either. Nick tells Alejandro that it was safer walking with the zombies than dealing with the gunmen. Alejandro asks why he came all this way. Nick says he wants to be where the dead aren’t monstrous and Alejandro opens the double doors. Nick follows him to the street.

It’s like a normal place, with people walking around and kids playing. Nick is mesmerized. A soccer ball comes toward him. He kicks it and smiles.

Next time, Alejandro tells Nick it’s not his place, Travis and Madison deal with a lot of violence, and Madison tells Travis he has false hope.

June 26, 2016 – Shahs in Belize & Throne Finale

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

Shahs of Sunset

Meanwhile, back in Belize, GG wants to talk to Shervin. She says ever since Asa’s fashion show, he’s been trash talking her behind her back. She wonders, if he has an issue with her, why didn’t he come to her first. In his interview, Shervin says that GG continues to drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney, even though her health isn’t good. He tells her he’s genuinely concerned about her. They end up hugging it out.

MJ is still trying to get ahold of Tommy. Now his voicemail is full. Probably with messages from her. She’s trying to keep a brave face, but tells Asa that after he moved in, she started nagging and complaining, and being a turn-off in general. He told her she’s just like Vida and Asa tells her she needs to be careful with that, especially with men.

More amazing food! I gain weight just watching this show. The group has a choice of going tubing or having a massage. Why not both? Reza, Asa and MJ opt for the massage. In his interview, Mike says he has a fantasy of Jessica surprising him by showing up.

Mike’s fantasy is just a little off because Tommy shows up. Needless to say, MJ is thrilled. Instead of the massage, MJ chooses an afternoon delight of another kind. Reza, Mike and Asa take a dip in the phenomenal pool, while Shervin hangs out talking to them. Reza tells Mike that Jessica claims he cheated on her. Mike says she read a message from someone way back when and blew it out of proportion. Asa asks if he’s cheated on Jessica since they were married and he says no. In his interview, he says they’re just allegations and the entire world knows he’s married. Reza says Mike tends to flirt and Mike leaves the pool. Reza tells Asa and Shervin that Mike and Jessica’s stories don’t add up. He finds it unbelievable that Jessica would leave over an old text.

Asa and Reza decide to sneak up on a nakey Tommy and MJ. Jewel is playing in the background and in his interview, Tommy says there goes his street cred. Asa is working on a couples portrait project and wants to take photos of them in the pool. They’re nakey in the pool too, but Asa uses flowers to cover anything we shouldn’t see.

GG, Mike, Shervin and Nima are starting with a hike. They go into a cavern and Shervin freaks about the bats. In his interview, Mike says Shervin has an irrational fear of small creatures, but Shervin says he just prefers not to hang out with them. Asa and Reza get a massage. Asa thinks they should have a talk with Mike. Reza thinks Mike is in denial, but wants to at least give it a try.

Let the tubing commence! They go through the caverns and it’s very cool. Mike says the trip has given him a chance to reflect and is better than therapy.

Reza calls Jessica. He says he’s bummed that she didn’t make the trip and tells her about what Mike said. Jessica says when she investigated the text message, it turned out to be a string going back to before they were engaged, and the texts were not appropriate for a married man. Reza says he’s worried that Mike is just trying to save face and he’s going to lose her. Jessica says she’s not going back to him. Reza asks if there’s any chance, but she says no. She says if he can’t be real, there’s no point in continuing. He tells her that he’s going to try and talk some sense into Mike. He’s going to force Mike to be the man she deserves, whether they get back together or not. Before Jessica is done, he wants Mike to have a moment of clarity.

The tubers (tubists?) return, wondering how many pounds of ceviche the others have downed. Reza asks to talk to Mike. He thinks if Mike is honest, there might still be a chance for him to get back with Jessica. He tells Mike about the phone call and says Jessica was very specific about what the texts said. Mike continues to deny it and asks what Jessica wants. Reza says Jessica wants him to admit what he did. He tells Reza not to call her anymore. In his interview, he accuses Reza of schadenfreude, which is ridiculous. Reza says he’s just trying to help him save his marriage, but Mike says he’s not going to admit to something that isn’t true. Reza says Mike lies sometimes and Mike gets furious, yelling that he’s done and he’s going home. Reza says he’s going to regret it later and suggests they have a drink and tells Mike not make a decision while he’s angry.

Reza asks Asa to talk to Mike, but Mike isn’t having it. We hear Mike saying he f-ed up so bad. Asa thinks Mike doesn’t need another person who’s disappointed in him. She looks out the window and sees Mike leaving. Mike goes to Shervin’s room and Reza follows. Mike says he’s not mad at Reza. Shervin says he could hear them yelling from his room. Mike stomps off. In his interview, the producer asks Mike if he cheated. He says he’s stupid, but not that stupid.

Reza tells the others what happened with Mike and the phone call to Jessica. Mike comes by and everyone gets quiet. He asks to talk to Reza and they step outside. He tells Reza he’s not angry and realzies that Reza was just trying to help. He says because of what happened last year, he has trust issues. He says he was a bad husband and admits to the text messages. He says it’s been eating away at him. In his interview, he finally admits to cheating. He says he loves Jessica so much that he’d shoot himself if she wanted him to. He says it’s killing him. Reza says he loves Mike and isn’t against him. He says Mike is being real and all he wants is for him and Jessica to get back together. He says he’s proud of Mike being honest and says he needs to have this talk with Jessica. He says Mike is good at a lot of things, but owning his stuff takes a minute. In his interview, Reza says that Mike being accountable is a big deal.

Next time, the Shahs see the ruins, GG talks to her parents about RA, and Mike tries to get back together with Jessica.

Game of Thrones

It’s the finale already. Didn’t we just start the season? Although I don’t know how they can top last week. I watch the opening credits because I love seeing the map come to life, and realize I don’t know most of the actor’s names even though I’ve been watching this for years.

It’s time for Cersei and Loras’s trial. Everyone gathers in the courtroom or whatever they call it. The Grand Maester dismisses the call girl he was just with, and one of the children who worked for Varys shows up at his door.

High Sparrow Jonathan Pryce asks if Loras is ready to stand trial. Loras says there’s no need, as he’s confessing to everything, and lists all the stuff he’s accused of. He says he’s seen the error of his ways and will take any punishment. The Sparrow says the gods punish those who avoid justice, but the Mother gives mercy to those who kneel. Loras says he humbles himself and wishes to devote the rest of his life to the Seven. He abandons the Tyrell name, his lordship and will remain celibate. The Sparrow inducts him or whatever and Loras gets a religious symbol carved into his forehead for his trouble.

Tommen starts to leave for the trial when The Mountain stops him. Cersei hasn’t shown up yet and the Sparrow tells one of this fledglings to go get her from the Red Keep. The Grand Maester is looking for the king, but instead finds some other guy and a kid with a sword. A bunch of kids surround him. The guy says sometimes before they usher in the new, the old must be put to rest. The kids all stab the Grand Maester. What the what?

The Sparrow has sent Lancel to find Cersei, but she’s nowhere. He says the longer she waits, the worse it will be. Then he gets stabbed by a kid. What is this? Children of the Corn? Meanwhile, Cersei is staring out the window..

Margaery approaches the Sparrow. She thinks something is wrong and asks why he thinks Cersei and Tommen aren’t there. He says Cersei will be tried in absentia and Margaery says Cersei understands that, but is absent anyway, so she must be avoiding the consequences. She says they all need to leave immediately and tells Loras to stick with her. Everyone starts going toward the exits, but the guards hold Margaery back.

Wildfire in the basement is what’s happening. The stuff squirreled away by the Mad King is all over the place. Dropped in Lancel’s attack, his torch lights it and the whole sept blows up in green flames. Cersei is pleased. Tommen is shocked. A lot of actors are now out of work. Cersei has one of the accuser septas captive and tells her to confess. She says confession feels good and lists all the other things she’s done that feel good, including killing her husband and sleeping with Jaime. She says it also feels good to watch all the people burn. She says she told the septa that Cersei’s face would be the last thing she saw before she died. The septa says she’s ready to meet the gods, but Cersei says she’s not going to die today and she’s not going to die for a while. She calls The Mountain over and says he’s her god now. Cersei leaves, saying “shame,” as the septa did to her, and we hear screaming as she closes the door.

Well, that was all a surprise. And who’s going to put that fire out?

Not Tommen. He jumps out the window.

Walder is celebrating getting Riverrun back. He toasts to the alliance of the Freys and the Lannisters. Bron points out how Jaime doens’t have to do anything to get the ladies and Jaime plays wingman. Walder says his father would be pleased at how everything came together. Jaime asks Walder if he did much fighting back in the day. Walder says the one battle Jaime fought in, he got captured.He says fighting means besting your enemies and now he has Riverrun and the Starks are no more. Jaime says the Freys aren’t feared, but the Lannisters are. He wonders why the Lannisters even need them.

Cersei receives the news of Tommen’s death and wants to see the body. The messenger asks about the funeral. She tells him to burn Tommen and put his ashes where the sept was.

Sam and Gilly reach the Citadel . Sam gives the man at the desk a letter from Jon Snow. He tells him he’s to be the new maester. The man says according to his records Ser Marmont is in charge, but Sam says he’s dead. He says this is irregular and Sam says he supposes life is irregular. He says Sam will have to talk to someone else, but in the meantime he can use the library. Gilly and the baby have to stay behind. The library is humongous and Sam nearly freaks over all the books.

In the North, winter is happening. Jon talks to the Red Woman. Davos joins them, tossing Princess Shireen’s little carved horse at her. He tells the Red Woman to tell Jon what they did with Princess Shireen. She says they burned her at the stake, but she only does what the Lord commands. Davos says her Lord is evil to require a child be burned at the stake. The Red Woman says her parents went along with it. Davos says she had everyone fooled saying Stannis was the one, including Stannis. The Red Woman says she was wrong and he asks how many died because she was wrong. He asks Jon to have her executed. Jon asks if she has anything to say. She says she’s been ready to die for a while, but the war with the dead is coming and he’ll need her. Jon says she’s banished and if she ever comes back, he’ll have her killed. Davos adds that if he ever sees her again, he’ll do it himself.

Jon tells Sansa to take their parents’ bedroom. He says she’s the Lady of Winterfell and they’re here because of her. He asks if she trusts Littlefinger, but she says only a fool would. Jon says they have to trust each other because they have so many enemies now. She tells him a white raven came from the Citadel and winter is here. Jon says their father always promised that would happen.

Olenna says the last time a Tyrell came to Dorne, they were assassinated. Allaria says they invited her because they need her help. Allaria says they must be allies if they want to survive. Olenna says survival isn’t what she’s after since Cersei killed her son and grandchildren. Allaria rings a bell and Varys pops in saying “fire and blood.” Okay.

Dany says there’s finally peace in Meereen and she wants Daario to stay and keep the peace and help the people elect their own ruler. She says if she’s going to rule Westeros, she’ll have to make allies, which involves getting married and she can’t bring a lover with her. Daario says he doesn’t want the crown, he wants her. He says he loves her and he knows he makes her happy. He begs her to bring him along, but she says she can’t. She says she’ll leave him with instructions. Daario says he pities the Lords of Westeros because they don’t know what’s coming. He says he’s sure she’ll get the throne she wants.

Tyrion asks Dany how it went. She says Daario wasn’t happy. He says if it’s any consolation, sacrifice is the trait of a great ruler. He says she has everything she ever wanted and asks if she’s afraid. She nods and he says good, the only people who aren’t afraid are madmen. He says she’s in the great game now and it’s terrifying. Dany says she didn’t really feel anything when giving Daario the boot. Tyrion says he believes in her and she will always have his counsel.

She tells Tyrion she had something made for him. She puts a King’s Hand pin on him and asks him to be the Hand of the Queen.

A servant girl brings some cake to Walder. He wonders where his sons are. She says they’re already there, confusing both of us. He sees teeth in the cake. The servant girl removes her disguise and it’s Arya! She tells him the last thing he’s ever going to see is a Stark looking down at him when he dies and slits his throat. I feel double-minded, since I hate Walder, but love to hate him. Arya looks satisfied watching Walder bleed to death.

Littlefinger approaches Sansa in the weirwod. He says sorry to interrupt her praying, but she says she’s done with all that. She asks him what he wants. He says he thought she already knew. He says he always has the same picture in his mind, and whenever he makes a decision, asks himself if whatever he’s doing will help it materialize. He says he pictures himself on the Iron Throne with Sansa at his side.

Sansa says it’s a pretty picture. He says she’s the future of House Stark. He asks who should rule, a Stark or a motherless bastard. Sanda walks away.

Bran and Meera reach a weirwood tree. Benjen says he’s parting company with them now and wishes them good fortune. Meera asks if Bran if he’s ready for this and Bran says he has to be since he’s the Three-Eyed Raven now. He touches the tree and goes back to the vision of Ned going up to Lyanna’s tower. Lyanna is bloody and dying after just having given birth. She asks if it’s a dream. Ned tells her no, he’s really there. She says she wanted to be brave, but she doesn’t want to die. He says she’s not going to and calls for a maester. Leanna asks him to promise her something. The nurse hands him a Baby Jon Snow!

Jon and Sansa are having a meeting with the guys. One guy says the war is over, winter is coming and they should all go home.

Jon says the true enemy won’t wait out the storm, he brings the storm. Young Lady Mormant lists all the horror that’s happened at the hands of the other kingdoms. She says Jon is the true king and that Stark blood runs in his veins.

Lord Manderly gets up and makes a speech about how he was wrong and Jon is the White Wolf, the King of the North. A guy from House Glover commits to the cause and calls Jon the King of the North. Everyone rises and hails the King of the North. Littlefinger and Sansa lock eyes.

Jaime and Bron see the fire in King’s Landing and spur their horses on. Cersei enters the throne room with The Mountain. She is proclaimed Queen of the Seven Kingdoms while Jaime watches unnoticed. She gets a cool crown that matches her military style outfit. She and Jaime look at each other, as the people say long may she reign.

Theon and Yara stand on the deck of a ship. Dany’s fleet is ready to go. It’s pretty impressive. Even more impressive are the dragons flying above it. Dragon tease. Like the pterodactyl at the end of the second Jurassic Park movie.

Dany, Tyrion, Missandei and Varys stand on the bow of another ship. Crane shot of the ships and the dragons.

And we out.

 

June 19, 2016 – Dragons & Dany, a Dallas Reunion & Shahs in Belize

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Game of Thrones

The ships attack Meereen. Tyrion tells Dany the rebirth of Meereen is the reason for the violence. He asks if she has a plan. Killing every last one of them is the way she wants to go. Tyrion talks about hidden wildfire and how it’s not difficult to destroy a city.

Dany and Tyrion meet with their enemies on the beach. The head guy tells Dany she made her own mess. Tyrion says they want to discuss terms of surrender. Dude gives a list of demands, like the dragons being slaughtered, but Dany says they want to discuss their surrender not hers. He says her reign is over and she say it hasn’t begun. Drogon flies down and Dany gets on his back. He is seriously cool.

The other dragons join Drogon in the sky. Now it’s triple cool.

Meanwhile, the Meereens are being slaughtered by the Sons of the Harpy. Everything stops when they hear the hoof-beats of Dany’s army coming. Dany and her dragons circle the ships. She tells them Dracarius and they do their fire thing. Bye-bye, ships.

Grey Worm tells the dudes on the beach they can give it up or die and all the soldiers throw down their weapons and run off. Tyrion says Dany is forgiving, and Missandei says that the queen has decreed one of them should die. Two of the three dudes push the third guy forward, saying he’s low born and they barely know him. Grey Worm cuts off the other two guys’ heads. Good one. Tyrion tells the remaining guy to let everyone know he lived by Dany’s mercy, but also tell them what happens when you mess with her.

Jon tells Sansa she doesn’t have to be there when he meets Ramsey, but she says she does. Ramsey rides up and says he’s missed her. He wants them to proclaim him Lord of Winterfell and he’ll forgive all their trespasses. He says why lead everyone to their death and there’s not need for a battle.

Jon says he’s right, there’s no need for thousands of men to die, just one of them. He suggests they end it the old way, mano-a-mano. Ramsey says he doesn’t know if he’d beat Jon, but his army would definitely beat his. Jon asks if Ramsey’s men would want to fight for him if they heard he wouldn’t fight for them. Ramsey asks if his little brother is worth the risk. Sansa asks how they know he has their brother and Ramsey throws down Shaggy’s head. Sansa tells him he’s dying either way.

Ramsey says he can’t wait to get with Sansa again and throws out a bunch of threats invovling his dogs. He rides off.

Jon says Ramsey’s weakness is his men are forced to fight for him. Davos says they have the number and they have the patience. It’s crucial that Ramsey charge them, not the other way around. Jon says he wanted to make Ramsey angry so he’ll come at them full tilt. Jon and Sansa speak alone. Sansa says she knows how Ramsey’s mind works. She says he lays traps and Jon says he’s over-confident. Jon says he’s defended the wall from worse. Sansa says he doesn’t know Ramsey. She says Rikkon is lost because he’s the true born son of Ned Stark. They argue. Sansa says she would have waited until they had more men. Jon says this is all they’re ever going to have and greater odds have been surmounted. Sansa says if Ramsey wins, she’s not going back to him and Jon says he’ll protect her. She says no one can protect her.

Jon asks Red Woman #2 if she has any advice. She says don’t lose. Jon says if he does, don’t bring him back. She says she serves the Lord of Light and only he can decide those things. Jon asks why he was brought back the first time. She says she doesn’t know; maybe he brought Jon there to die again. Just the thing you want to hear right before a battle.

Theon and Yara stand before Dany. She says they must be there to get her support for Yara becoming queen. Dany asks what’s wrong with Theon and he says he’s not fit to rule. Tyrion says they agree on that point. Dany says their fathers were evil men and they need to make the world a better place. Dany asks that they acknowledge her as queen of the seven kingdoms and if they do, she’ll help them. They shake on it.

It’s time for the battle of the bastards. There are like 6000 of Ramsey’s guys to Jon’s 60. Doesn’t John have a giant or two he can pull out? Ramsey rides forward leading Rikkon on a rope. Way to distract Jon Snow.

Ramsey pulls his sword out and Jon marches forward. Ramsey dramatically cuts Rikkon’s ropes. He tells Rikkon he wants to play a game and to run to his brother. As Rikkon starts to run, Ramsey puts an arrow in a bow. Job starts to ride toward Rikkon as the arrows fly. Just as Jon is about to reach Rikkon, Rikkon gets an arrow through the back.

Needless to say, Jon is mightily pissed. Ramsey smirks and Davos tells the men to prepare. The battle begins. Oh, there’s that giant. If nothing else, you’d think that would be disconcerting, since it’s doubtful they’ve ever seen one. Ramsey’s men shoot arrows into the air and Jon’s horse is down. He stands as Ramsey’s army rides forward.

Jon takes out his sword. WTF? Jon is in the middle of everything like General Custer at Little Big Horn in Little Big Man. He slices up a few guys. Now he’s like Tony Curtis during the pie fight in It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Somehow, he is unscathed. He’s just that good. Or that angry. Or both.

Davos, who was supposed to wait for Ramsey to move forward, has had enough and proceeds with his men. The rest of Ramsey’s men go forward. Ramsey hangs behind like the coward he is. Oh shit. Ramsey’s men have surrounded Jon’s and made their shields into a wall. The Romans used to do that. They move forward with these spears sticking out, slicing up the men as they go. This gave me a headache.

The giant starts tossing guys round. The last ones in the middle fight like crazy. Ooh! The giant just ripped some guy in half. That was pretty good. Ramsey’s men close in. I have no idea what’s going on because it’s all shaky cam and sometimes blurry. Uh-oh. Jon almost gets squashed because it’s like a mosh pit, but manages to come up for air. Somehow, he, Davos and Tormund are still alive.

A trumpet is heard. Holy! Here comes back-up. It’s Littlefinger with the cavalry! Ha-ha! Ramsey’s face.

They bust through Ramsey’s wall of guys. Sansa watches with satisfaction. Jon, Tormund and the giant see Ramsey who runs away like a little girl. Well, rides anyway. Dammit! The big baby makes it back to his castle. He says their army is gone.

The castle gate is being broken open. The giant pops through. He’s covered with arrows and meets his end, but well done, good and faithful servant. The army comes in. Ramsey pops out and says he’s reconsidered one on one combat. Jon walks toward him fielding his arrows with a shield and proceeds to punch the living snot out of Ramsey as Sansa watches. The entire audience is satisfied. The Bolton banner comes down and the Stark banner goes up.

Applause. Just from me. On screen, they’re busy carting bodies around. Jon wants Rikkon buried next to their father. Sansa asks where Ramsey is.

Beaten to a bloody pulp in the dungeon. Sansa comes into the cell. He tells her their time together is almost at an end. She tells him everything about him and his house is going to disappear. Hahahahahahaha! Here come his dogs! He says they’ll never harm him and Sansa reminds him they haven’t been fed in a week. This is so good, I can’t stand it. Headache gone.

Sansa watches and I laugh, as the first dog pretty much takes Ramsey’s face off.

Touche.

Next time, who cares? I don’t think they can top this. Okay, next time, Cersei and Loras stand trial, Littlefinger wants something from Sansa, and Tyrion tells Dany the great game is terrtfying.

The Real Housewives of Dallas – Reunion

Because I forgot they were starting on the quarter hour, I missed the beginning. I come in while Leeanne is making excuses for being aggressive. I think I have her “story” memorized by now.

Cary’s husband, Mark, joins the group. We find out that Cary got her first Birkin bag for her 40th birthday. Forgive me, but if I was going to drop that kind of cash for a bag, it wouldn’t be a Birkin. Am I the only woman on earth not impressed with that style? Cary addresses the rumors that she married Mark for his money and that she broke up his first marriage. Cary starts to cry, saying that she was joking about some of the things she said in her interviews. Since she is a rather sarcastic and funny person, I totally believe her.

Andy asks Cary about Leeanne spreading gossip. Cary says she would never go after a married man and Leeanne was very hurtful. She says she and Mark both have children and she doesn’t want them hearing negative stuff. As usual, Leeanne doesn’t admit to perpetuating rumors, but just says you shouldn’t drink and tweet, kind of winking. Then she tells some story about how Cary made Mark leave his wife after she married someone else to get his attention. Cary explains her 3-month marriage, like it’s anyone’s business, and they both say they didn’t have an affair before his divorce.

Stephanie asks Leeanne why she didn’t go straight to Cary, and Leeanne claims she did. Leeanne acts like a middle schooler, saying it’s not okay for her to spread rumors about Cary, but it’s okay for Cary to call her a social climber. Um…I don’t think those are close to being the same. And Leeanne is a social climber. While it might very well be just so she can get her charities on, it doesn’t make Cary’s point any less valid.

Mark argues with Leeanne and she asks if he needs a tampon. What adult talks like this? Cary tells Leeanne that the things she says are hurting other people, not just her. Leeanne says she doesn’t want to hurt anybody; that’s not what she does. Well, I don’t know who did it then. Andy asks what she does do and she says charity because that’s the only comeback she knows. Andy asks if spreading gossip is charity, and she continues to say that she was merely repeating something someone told her.

Then she tries to say that Cary had been saying things aout her too. She changes something Cary said in all kinds of ways. Cary says if anything she said came across like that, she’s sorry, and she’s actually proud of Leeanne and says a bunch of nice things about her that she doesn’t deserve. Leeanne manages to flip everything around to the point that Cary gets up and leaves the stage.

Andy calls out Tiffany for enabling Leeanne. Tiffany claims she came late to the game and makes some noise about how she tried her best given what she had to work with. Brandi tells Tiffany that she should have shut it down immediately and says that Heidi was only in the one scene to do Leeanne’s dirty work. Tiffany keeps trying to distance herself. Cary is back and says she knew the Heidi thing was a set-up.

Andy asks Leeanne how she’s going to move forward here. Leeanne says she apologizes for not handling things differently and privately with Cary. Leeanne says she’s sorry Cary is hurt and sorry that she’s the one who hurt her. She wants to hug it out. They hug and then Leeanne says something rude to Stephanie. Maybe Leeanne went on too many roller coasters as a carny kid.

Because Tiffany doesn’t have much going on outside of Leeanne, they talk about Aaron aka Keith Suburban. They talk about Tiffany and Leeanne’s friendship and Cary says Tiffany is different when she’s around Leeanne. Leeanne had made some stupid remark about Plano and has to apologize to the Twitterverse.

Andy asks Brandi about Bryan’s reaction to the season, in particular the strip club and the dinner he walked out on. Brandi says Bryan doesn’t like confrontation or talking about his feelings and didn’t want to hear it. He wasn’t too happy to be on camera and Brandi says they argued afterwards with him using the d-word. Brandi talks about how supportive Stephanie was and they talk about their friendship. Brandi says everything came out on a positive note though, and now Bryan travels less and sometimes the family comes along. They also renewed their vows.

Marie joins them. She says she’s nervous and excited. Tiffany wants to sit as far away from her as possible. Andy talks about Leeanne throwing her glass at Marie’s party. We go down the Memory Lane of Leeanne being a nutjob. We go over the plastic poop incident and how Leeanne tried to tarnish Brandi’s reputation. Leeanne acts like she’s five, cutting Stephanie off and when Stephanie graciously lets her go ahead, she refuses to talk.

Tiffany talks about having to defend Leeanne and how it got to be too much. We relive the scene when Leeanne left Marie’s party and slapped the trolley car. We move on to the texts about Leeanne from Marie. Marie claims she was worried about Leeanne and Tiffany says it was gossip and Marie is dangerous. All I can think about is how I want the necklace with the giant pearl that Marie is wearing in one of the flashbacks.

Marie lets Leeanne have it and Brandi is sitting there smiling. I have the feeling she doesn’t even realize it. Andy pushes things along to the Austin trip. We see numerous flashbacks, from the bus trip there to Leeanne’s threats against Marie.

Here comes Leeanne’s poopy pants story. Brandi explains how it started on the bus because she had to pee, and Marie immediately insists that she didn’t tell Taylor. I hate to admit I agree with her when Leeanne brings up that Taylor couldn’t have just made a lucky guess. Cary suggests they get over it already. Andy gets the real skinny, or poopy as it were, from Leeanne. Leeanne then jumps right to claiming Marie has bad temper tantrums, so she’s not the only one.

Tiffany says she’s been protective of Marie and something about keeping girl code. Andy asks what Marie’s reaction is and there’s total silence while Marie looks like a deer in headlights. Cary says she got scared during Leeanne’s craziness in Austin, while Tiffany claims she slept through it. Leeanne says that when she says it, killing someone means cutting them out of your life. Marie claims that Leeanne threw something at her and Leeanne claims otherwise, although Marie ended up getting a restraining order because Leeanne sent her threatening texts after the trip. Leeanne claims Marie was trashing her on social media. Andy asks where they go from here and Marie hopes they can come to an understanding and respect each other. Once again, Leeanne talks about her childhood and how she doesn’t “do hurt well.” Stephanie says as an adult, she needs to take ownership and get help. Thank you.

Leeanne starts to cry and says blah-blah-blah how she doesn’t like that part of her that’s the angry little girl. We bid Marie good-by. If she’s bucking for a spot on the show, she’ll have to do better than this.

Wrapping it up, Andy says they’ve all grown since they ended taping. They talk a bunch of therapy stuff and nobody says anything interesting. Tiffany uses the cliche that she’s “a work in progress.” Leeanne is in anger management. Apparently, she’s had therapy through the years and realized she’s not quite finished yet. What an understatement. She says when she gets hurt by people, it brings the childhood hurt back up. While she’s talking, I realize she gets hurt very easily in addition to her overreacting.

I guess that’s it. No three-parter for these Wives. We bid farewell to plastic poop and carnival rides.

The Shahs of Sunset

A capsule of what I missed last week. Tommy walking out on MJ, which I still don’t understand. She told her friend that when she told him what she needed, he said he was done. What the blip did she need? Jessica is playing a hot and cold game with Mike; and Reza is skeptical of GG having RA. Please, please do not say the M-word. I can’t take another storyline like that.

The best part though, was watching Asa work on her caftan fashion show. Instead of being all over the place like some reality personalities (ahem…Sonja) or having a line of something we never see (The Countess), we’re getting a bird’s eye view of the ground floor and both her and her family’s involvement in the business. The caftans are gorgeous, but so is Asa’s passion for her craft and love of detail.

On to this week…

The gang congregates at Shervin’s place. GG’s sister, Leila, joins them. We haven’t seen her for a while. Reza says he feels horrible for having missed the entire fashion show trying to help Mike get it together with Jessica. Reza thinks they need to get away from all the usual drama.

They discuss vacation destination options. GG’s cousin, Niva, suggests Belize. MJ is down with that, since she doesn’t want to go anywhere where the bugs are as big as her shoe. Me neither. Shervin talks to MJ about her break up with Tommy. In her interview, MJ says Tommy is afraid she’s going to turn into her mother. She tells Shervin maybe Tommy is right and she was too overbearing. Shervin thinks she’s self-sabatoging because she doesn’t want to take a risk.

Reza meets Jessica for dinner. He tells Mike about Belize and that he’s going to try and talk Jessica into the Belize trip. Mike isn’t cool about it; he doesn’t think his friends should be involved in his business. Reza tells him it has nothing to do with his and Jessica’s relationship; it’s strictly about the invite.

Jessica arrives and they get cocktails. I love how polite they are to their server. Definite points for that. Reza tells Jessica about the Belize trip. He says he thinks it would do both her and Mike good. Jessica starts to get teary and says she doesn’t think she’s going back to Mike.

Jessica tells Reza that Mike cheated on her. He asks if she’s 100% sure. She says the first time, she saw it with her own eyes. She said for years, he told her everything was a rumor. In her interview, she says she’ll always love Mike and wishes this was a nightmare she could wake up from. She tells Reza that until she’s sure she can trust him, she can’t move back in with him. Reza says that she knows what’s best for herself and he didn’t know that was going on, but has no sage advice. Reza says his hope is that they get back together, but he’s not telling Mike about the conversation. Jessica says she’ll think about the Belize trip. After she leaves, Reza calls Mike and says that he needs to let Jessica have space and time. He says she loves Mike, but she’s hurt.

MJ is on her way to meet GG. They’re getting their lashes done. She talks on the phone to Reza in the car and he says he’s not buying that GG has RA. MJ says she’s been with her to the doctor, but GG seems to be exaggerating what stage it’s at.

Adam can’t go on the Belize trip because of work. The rest of the group meets at Mike’s house to go to the airport. GG is a no show and when they call her, she says she’s not going to be on the flight, but that’s all they get from her. Shervin talks about how angry GG got when he questioned her about her illness and Reza insists that she’s not telling the truth. Shervin thinks GG needs something that gives her purpose and until she gets it, she’s going to need attention in other ways. In her interview, Asa says it’s not cool to exaggerate and illness, but she feels sorry for GG since she obviously has a deeper issue.

Mike says flying with his crew is like a three-ring circus. I’ll bet. He wonders how they’re even allowed on an airplane. When they get to the destination, they change to a much smaller plane. Reza says he never wants to fly in a plane so small he can touch the pilot’s shoulder again.

They go to a private villa that includes a butler. MJ calls Tommy and leaves a long message about the trip so far. She’s hoping she didn’t totally destroy the relationship. No need to say that the villa is fabulous. I don’t know what I’d do first, eat the spread laid out by the pool or get in the pool.

GG has taken a separate flight because she’s tired of the scrutiny from the others. In her interview, she says everyone seems to think she’s “one big lie,” but she’s going to have a good time regardless. She and Niva finally join everyone.

GG says it’s funny how a year ago, she and Mike wanted to kill each other and now she’s the closest to him. GG and Mike chat. MJ says she’s sorry she didn’t acknowledge that Jessica didn’t come. GG checks out her room, which is humongous.

It’s evening and everyone is still hanging around and in the pool. GG asks to talk to Reza. She says they made a deal during the camping trip that they would always be honest with each other. She tells him she heard that he said she was making up having RA. He owns that and she says it hurt her that he would think that. She says she had to process that and she didn’t want to be the old GG, and that’s why she took a different flight. In her interview, she asks if she needs to take anothe polygraph test.

Reza says everyone is saying things aren’t adding up and he wonders why she’s telling him things that aren’t adding up. He says that MJ told im the doctor never used the word “chemo.” GG says that her diagnosis came back and she’s going to need treatment. She asks if he’ll go with her. He says of course, but in his interview says he’s still skeptical.

Shervin says he’s starting to get wise to GG’s machinations. MJ calls Tommy’s voicemail again. Great. She’s being a stalker now. It is kind of mean of him not to answer her calls. Mike says he misses Jessica. Reza says he hoped she’d be there by now, but Mike says she’s not even answering his texts.

They sit down to another amazing spread. Asa says she’s already been eating all day. MJ has the idea to go around the table and “come clean” about something. Niva says he’s been enabling GG. GG says if one more person decides to discuss her RA, she’s going to flip out. Is this the place to be doing this though? On vacation? In his interview, Reza says it isn’t GG’s RA that makes her feel the way she does – it’s her drinking. Now she’s on a roll and tells everyone to look in the mirror. Well, she does have a point.

Niva says he cares about her, but she says she doesn’t think so. GG says she was in the middle of a pleasant conversation when all this started. Niva tries to turn around what he said, but it’s not working. In his interview, Shervin says GG has to hear the good with the bad and he’s glad Niva said what he did. Shervin and GG start to argue.

Shervin thinks GG isn’t being sincere. Reza says he’s tired and excuses himself. In his interview, he says the GGvention was a fail. The dinner breaks up and GG gets freaked out going back to her room in the dark.

Next time, exploring caverns and getting a massage, Reza wants Mike to fess up to Jessica, Mike doesn’t want to talk about it and says he’s done.

Hope all the fathers out there had a very Happy Father’s Day!

June 12, 2016 – No Shahs, Just a Throne Game

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Because I watched the Tonys – what a shame Hamilton was such a loser – hahaha! – just kidding – congratulations to them – I only saw the first half of Shahs of Sunset. No doubt I’ll catch up with them later, but the takeaway point I was left with was that Tommy is done with MJ. What? He took his clothes and everything. I thought they were making babies together, and now this? Quel disappointment. I also don’t want Vida to be right.

Game of Thrones

We’re back at that play about the Lannisters. Lady Crane has taken Arya’s advice and put more anger in her monologue. The crowd goes wild. And I keep thinking about that carrot cake in my refrigerator.

Lady Crane is about to have her usual apres-monologue booze, when she hears Arya backstage. Arya is practically bleeding to death. Lady Crane dresses her wounds and tells Arya how she came to learn nursing; she was always stitching up her bad boy boyfriends. Lady Crane asks Arya to come with the troupe, but Arya say she can’t. She says there’s someone with no name after her. They talk for a while and Lady Crane gives Arya something to help her sleep.

A bunch of guys sit by a fire in the forest, jackassing around. I guess they’re the guys who killed The Hound’s peeps because he strolls right up and slaughters them.

Cool! It’s the market in Meereen. I’d love to haggle there. A woman makes a speech to a small crowd about how they should support Dany and wait for her. Tyrion and Varys stroll through the market. Tyrion hopes that Varys is right about his mission. Varys says if he doesn’t come back Tyrion will know he was wrong. That’s the spirit! Tyrion says he’ll miss Varys, and they part company.

The High Sparrow sends messengers to ask for Cersei. She says he can come see her, but the head messenger insists. Cersei says the Sparrow promised she could stay in the Red Keep until her trial, but the messenger says, oh no he didn’t. The Mountain comes out in his armor. The messenger says if Cersei doesn’t come willingly, there will be violence. Cersei says she chooses violence and The Mountain makes quick work of one of the messengers. Cersei tells the pretty startled speaker of the group that the Sparrow can come visit her any time.

A bunch of soldiers approach Brienne and Pod. She says she’s there to talk to Jaime and says she has his sword. At the camp, Bron goofs on Pod and then wonders if Brienne and Jaime are doing the nasty in the tent. Bron offers to give Pod fighting lessons. He immediately smacks Pod and says lesson number one is to understand that everyone wants to hit you.

Jaime and Brienne talk in the tent. She tells him about Sansa and says she’s come for The Blackfish. She tells Jaime that Sansa intends to take back her seat at Winterfell. She says he’s a knight and she knows there’s honor in him. and that he should take Riverrun without bloodshed. She says she’ll help him if he helps her. Jaime tells her The Blackfish is more stubborn than she is, but all right. Brienne asks for his word that if she helps him take Riverrun, he’ll give them safe passage. He agrees.

Brienne gives Oathkeeper to Jaime, saying that he gave it to her for a purpose and she’s achieved the purpose. He says it’s hers and always will be. Brienne tells him that if The Blackfish doesn’t surrender, honor compels her to fight on his side. Jaime says he understands and hopes it doesn’t come to that.

The Blackfish tells Brienne that he hasn’t seen Sansa since she was a kid and he doesn’t care. She tells him that Jaime is the one who sent her to get Sansa and she’s sworn to protect Sansa until she dies. She shows him the letter. He says he doesn’t have enough men to help Sansa take Winterfell. Brienne says he still has more than Sansa does. The Blackfish says he has his own home to defend and if Jaime wants the castle, he’ll have to take it. Brienne tells Pod to send Sansa a message that she failed.

Cersei is told that there’s to be a royal announcement in the throne room, but her place is in the gallery. Ouch! Tommen speaks about the faith and the crown, and how the Father judges them all. He announces when Loras’s and Cersei’s trials will be, adding there will be no more trial by combat. Uh-oh, there goes Cersei’s plan. He says it isn’t fair and helps the defendant to escape judgment, which I have to agree is true.

A maester sidles up to Cersei. He says he’s investigated a rumor and it’s about to blow the lid off the place. I’m paraphrasing.

Tyrion tells Greyworm and Missandei that Meereen has been reborn. Neither one of them is a drinker, but he insists they have a drink with him. He toasts to Dany and says anyone not drinking is disrespectful to their queen. Greyworm isn’t impressed with fermentation. Tyrion says he’d like to have his own vineyard and call his wine The Imp’s Delight. He tells a three-guys-walk-into-a-bar joke, but neither one of them get it. Missandei is liking the wine and Tyrion asks her to tell a joke. After she does, Greyworm tells her it’s the worst joke he’s ever heard. They start to relax and laugh a little, and suddenly Greyworm jumps up and runs out.

A load of ships are coming in and Missandei says the masters are back for their property.

Jaime apologizes to Edmure for the way the Freys treated him. Edmure says his uncle will never surrender the castle, so Jaime is wasting his time. Jaime says The Blackfish is an old guy and Edmure has a son now. Edmure says he’s never seen his son. Jaime says going against the crown has consequences. They go back and forth with Edmure finally calling Jaime an evil man. He asks how Jaime lives with himself.

Jaime says Edmure’s sister once hit him in the head with a rock and they sort of laugh. Jaime says he admired Catelyn. Edmure tells Jaime not to talk about her. Jaime says she was a lot like Cersei and would do anything to protect her children. Edmure asks what he really wants. Jaime says he loves Cersei and she needs him. He says he’ll do whatever he can to take Riverrun and get back to her. He says none of them mean anything to him except her. He’ll kill all the Tullys if he has to.

Edmure approaches the castle, saying he’s the rightful Lord of Riverrun and demands entry. The Blackfish tells the gatekeeper not to let him in, but the gatekeeper says he’s sworn to serve the Lord of Riverrun. The Blackfish says he’s not obeying the Lord of Riverrun; he’s obeying Jaime Lannister. The Blackfish says he’ll have his head first and the gatekeeper says The Blackfish is not the Lord of Riverrun. The Blackfish puts his sword away, since he can’t argue with that, and the drawbridge is lowered.

Edmure goes inside, saying nothing to The Blackfish. He goes upstairs and is welcomed home. He tells the gatekeeper that everyone is to lay down their arms and to open the gates. Jaime looks at the Freys like, ah-ha (in Nelson voice), I was right. The soldiers enter Riverrun. Edmure says to hand The Blackfish over to the Freys for poetic justice.

Brienne and Pod are leaving. Brienne tells The Blackfish to come with them, but he says it’s his family home and he hasn’t had a proper sword fight in years. I give him props for his chutzpah.

Jaime is told The Blackfish died fighting. He looks out over the castle wall and sees Brienne and Pod leaving in a boat. He and Brienne wave to each other. I guess they’ll always be friends, eh?

Meanwhile, Meereen is being bombarded with fire bombs from the ships. Greyworm is arguing with Tyrion. Greyworm says the army needs to wait for the masters to come to them and not go to the beach. Suddenly, a bunch of Ninja type guys come in and bow down. Dany has arrived.

The Hound hears people in the forest. He sees some guys about to be hung. The hangmen are Beric and Thoros from the Brotherhood Without Banners. The Hound realizes the hangees are part of the gang who killed Brother Ray and the others, and finds out they were also part of the Brotherhood. He wants to deal with them, but compromises with taking out two. He wants to use his ax, but Beric says they only do hanging. Again there’s a compromise where The Hound can cut off some fingers or something. He also takes a pair of boots from one of the dead guys.

The Hound shares supper with his old friends. Beric asks him to join them. The Hound says he tried that and it didn’t work. Beric tells him they need good men to help them. The Hound says last time they met, Beric wanted him dead. Beric says that the Lord of Light spared The Hound for a reason. He tells The Hound he can still help more than he’s harmed and it’s not too late.

Arya is recovering at Lady Crane’s place. A guy stops by while Arya is sleeping and Lady Crane gets a vial from the top of a cabinet.

Arya is startled awake and finds Lady Crane totally butchered. The Waif appears and says if Arya had done her job, Lady Crane would have died painlessly. Arya jumps from the balcony and runs, The Waif behind her. She’s pretty freakin’ fast too. They run through Braavos. Finally Arya looses The Waif, but gets herself lost.

Arya walks through a steam-room into the market and there’s The Waif. Arya jumps over a wall and takes an amazing tumble down a whole lot of stairs, upsetting quite a few merchants. She’s hurt, but manages to crawl away, The Waif trailing her. Why, I don’t know, but Arya goes through an alleyway where there’s no way out. The Waif follows with a knife.

Arya is crouched in a dark room. The Waif closes the door and tells Arya it will be over soon. Arya has Needle, but the Waif says that won’t help her.

Jaqen sees a trail of blood leading to the pool. He goes downstairs to where the faces are. He sees The Waif’s face among them. Behind him, Arya says he told The Waif not to kill her. He says yes and that finally a girl is no one. She says the girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell and she’s going home. Jaqen smiles. Kind of.

Next time, Jon is ready for war, and war it is. Looks like a doozie.

June 5, 2016 – The Throne Game & Sunset Shahs

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Game of Thrones

Brother Ray and his merry band are doing some carpentry. Break time! The Hound is back (!) and is one of the carpenters. Brother Ray brings us up to speed, telling the story of finding The Hound at death’s door. He asks what kept him going and The Hound says hate. Brother Ray says there’s a reason he’s alive and the gods aren’t done with him yet. Brother Ray gives a mini speech about gods, ending with what matters is that there’s a plan for The Hound. The Hound wonders why he hasn’t been punished, and Brother Ray says he has, which is what I’d just thought.

The High Sparrow checks in on Margaery, who is reading The Book of the Mother. She says that for years she didn’t really love the poor, they disgusted her. The High Sparrow says that’s because they are “us” without the finery. The Sparrow suggests Margaery do her marriage bed duty because the king must have an heir. He tells her she’s made great progress and he hopes her grandmother follows her lead. He says Margaery must teach her the new way, as he’s in fear of her safety.

Margaery meets with Olenna. She has a handmaiden with her and Olenna isn’t too pleased about that. Margaery tells Olenna that she has been shown mercy. Olenna says what mercy has Loras been shown, and Margaery says he needs to confess his sins. Olenna wants Margaery to come back with her, but Margaery says her place is with the king. She tells Olenna to go home and find comfort in prayer and good works. The tell each other good-by.

Outside, Olenna opens a note. It has a rose drawn on it, a symbol of the House Tyrell. For a second, I thought she was taking out a cell phone. Ha-ha.

Tormund gives a not-so-pep talk to his men. One of the men gripes that it’s not their fight, and Jon says they need to beat Ramsay if they’re going to survive. Tormund says Jon died for them and if they don’t step up for him, they’re cowards and deserve to be the last of the freefolk.

The giant, Yum-Yum or whatever his name is, is down with that. At least I think he is. Who the blip knows what he just said. The rest agree to be on Jon’s side. Jon is skeptical, and Tormund says if they say they’ll do something, they’ll do it.

Cersei tells Olenna that her grandson is still prisoner. Olenna tells her what happened was from Cersei’s stupidity. Cersei agrees she’s made mistakes, but says they have to fight the enemy together if they’re to survive. Olenna wonders if Cersei is the most evil person she’s ever met and says she’s getting the hell out of there. She tells Cersei that if she’s smart, she’ll get out too. Cersei says she’ll never leave and Olenna says good luck with that.

Jaime and his army approach Rinverrun. Jaime suggests Bronn lead them. Bronn is hesitant, but gives Jaime a list of what he was promised. Jaime starts to say a Lannister always pays his debts, but Bronn tells him to shut up.

The Freys threaten to hang Lord Edmure if the castle isn’t given up. No response. Now what? Black Walder puts a knife to Edmure’s throat and says he really means it this time. The Blackfish tells him to go ahead. Ha-ha! Black Walder does nothing and no one knows what to do since they weren’t expecting that.

They weren’t expecting Jaime either, who smacks Black Walder and tells them to bathe and feed Edmure. He says the next time the Blackfish looks out, he’s going to see Jaime’s army instead of whatever these guys are and if they don’t like it, they can go home.

Jon and Sansa approach Lady Lyanna Mormont, who’s like ten years old. She asks what they want. Jon says House Stark needs them and he’s there to ask for their allegiance. Lyanna asks who’s the Stark, since Jon is a Snow and Sansa is a Bolton. Sansa says she did what she had to. Lyanna says they don’t just want her allegiance they want her fighting men, but she’s responsible for Bear Island, so why should she fight someone else’s war? Kind of like what Hamilton said about the French Revolution.

Davos interjects, saying that the both of them are in positions they didn’t expect, and that ultimately, it’s their war too. He says it’s a war between the living and the dead and make no mistake, the dead are coming. He says as long as the Boltons hold Winterfell, the North is divided. He understands she wants to protect her people, but they have to fight together.

Lady Lyanna says they’ve supported House Stark for a thousand years and won’t break faith today. She can give them 62 men. She says every man fights with the strength of ten. Davos says if they fight with half the strength that she does, the Boltons are doomed.

Jaime approaches Riverrun alone and the drawbridge is lowered. The Blackfish asks why he came. He says Riverrun belongs to House Frey and on authority of King Tommen, he’s here to take it back. He says if the Blackfish surrenders, he’ll spare his men. He says the war is over and why sacrifice men to a lost cause? The Blackfish says as long as he’s standing, the war is on. He says they can attack or try and stave them out, but they have provision for two years. Jaime asks why the Blackfish met with him if he didn’t want a treaty. The Blackfish says he just wanted to see Jaime in person and he’s disappointed.

The lord of House Glover wants to know who Jon’s army is. Jon says the bulk of them are Wildings and the lord wants no part of it. Sansa reminds him that House Glover is pledged to House Stark. The lord asks where Robb was when the Ironborn were attacked? He answers his own question with, getting himself and those who followed him killed. He says House Stark is dead. Ouch!

Theon is at a tavern bugging out. He asks Yara why they had to come there and she tells him to relax and have a drink. She sees he’s in pain and apologizes. She says she never wants to hurt him. She says she knows he’s had some bad years, but she’s tired of seeing him cower like a dog. She insists that he have a drink and says she needs the real Theon, and asks if he can find him. She says they’ll get justice for him, or even better, revenge. She tells him if he’s so broken there’s no coming back, to end it all, but if he’s still Theon, they’re going to Meereen and making a pact with the Dragon Queen. They’re going to take back the Iron Islands. She asks if he’s with her and he nods.

Back on the Stark recruitment tour, Davos goes to deal with something and Sansa tells Jon that they need more men. He says there’s no time and they’ll have to fight with what they have. Sansa sees a raven and a light bulb comes on over her head. She sends out a note.

Brother Ray gives a motivational speech. He talks about having been a murderous rogue and feeling shame. He says all he can do now is bring some goodness back into the world and it’s never too late to come back. The Hound ponders this.

Three men on horseback approach. They say they’ve come e to protect the people and ask if they have any horses. Brother Ray says they have no horses or gold, but they’re welcome to stay for supper. The spokesguy tells him to stay safe as the night is filled with terrors.

The Hound tells Brother Ray they’re from the Red Guard. He says they should fight. Brother Ray says his people aren’t fighters and you don’t cure a disease by spreading it to more people, but the Hound says you don’t cure it by dying either.

Arya is looking for passage back to Westeros. She throws a guy a bunch of money to get a dawn departure. While Arya is gazing at the horizon off of a bridge, The Waif comes along and stabs her a bunch of times. Arya jumps into the water below. Surprisingly, she’s still alive and pulls herself up some steps. She walks among the people at the market, bleeding and trembling, and nobody even tries to help. Geez, and they say New Yorkers are cold.

While cutting wood in the forest, the Hound sees there’s something amiss at the camp. It’s worse than amiss; everyone has been slaughtered. Brother Ray hangs from a gallows. Once again, this show breaks a million hearts. The Hound grabs his axe. Hopefully to help him seek revenge.

Damn, that was really sad. The Hound is one of my favorite characters and I had visions of him being a changed man because of Brother Ray.

Next time, The Mountain fights for Cersei and Brienne feels compelled to fight for Jaime,.

Shahs of Sunset

Reza and Adam are off for their honeymoon, which I guess is just one night at the house because Reza says he’ll see the friends in the morning. Outside, Mike calls Jessica. He’s sitting in the limo, trying to talk to her, and MJ wants to get in the middle of things. GG becomes the voice of reason, which makes it extra frightening. Mike tells the limo driver to go, leaving GG at the curb. GG gets in the limo with MJ and Tommy.

MJ says they don’t need any problems. Tommy tells her, and rightly so, to stop causing them and stop antagonizing Mike. In his interview, Tommy says he thinks the break-up makes her afraid for their own relationship and she’s angry at Mike for not making it work. MJ is drunk too, which makes her extra unreasonable.

Reza gives Adam a piggyback ride over the threshhold and nearly throws his back out.

MJ apologizes to Mike and GG tells her to just go change her clothes. In her interview, GG says she can’t believe she’s the peacemaker and ever since the camping trip, she’s felt more laid back. She wants to do some peacemaking tonight, but Mike just want to go to sleep. She tells him not to sweep things under the rug.

There’s a big brunch at Reza’s place. MJ is trying to get everyone to straighten up a little bit. GG says she’s taking all her anger out like a crazy cleaning lady. Maybe, but they are a bunch of slobs.

No surprise, the food is fabulous, with an omelette station and everything. It reminds me of a breakfast buffet at a Manhattan hotel where I stayed once. If I hadn’t had to be somewhere, I’d still be there eating.

GG tells Asa and Reza about the Mike/MJ issue. In her interview, MJ says she and Mike hae been friends forever, but lately it’s like their friendship is in a fog. They all sit down to eat and MJ tells Mike that he doesn’t share anything. Mike says he’ll do it in his own time and MJ gets up from the table all ticked off. Mike tells her she’s being aggressive and she says she just speaks her mind. In his interview, Mike says MJ is turning into Vida. Ooh, them’s fightin’ words.

Reza tells them to take the honesty inside. Mike and MJ continue to argue. MJ mentions Jessica leaving Mike and Mike tells her when she’s in a relationship as long as they’ve been in one, she can give him advice. Reza takes MJ aside and tells her to give Mike some space. Reza tells her Mike is in protective mode and to back off. Mike comes out and tells MJ he doesn’t want to hurt her, but he’s feeling attacked. The have a surprisingly mature discussion about friendship and hug it out.

In his interview, Reza says some beautiful things about marriage. He’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him and I’m happy for him.

One of Reza’s dreams is to do stand up comedy. He is a very funny guy, although that doens’t necessarily translate well to the stage. He consults with a friend of Asa’s who’s in the business who says she’ll mentor him. She suggests open mic night. He says he just threw a surprise wedding, so why not take more chances in life? You go, Reza!

Tommy and MJ go out to dinner. MJ says some of the things she takes seriously, he takes as a joke. I have news for her, that struggle is real in all relationships. Tommy says she always has a laundry list of what he’s done wrong, but if he did the same thing, he wouldn’t last a minute. He tells her that her go-to move is to immediately say they’re through. He says she needs to learn how to let things go. She wants to go to couples’ therapy and he says he needs a good ref.

Mike and Shervin meet for dinner. Mike asks about Shervin’s date with the Australian girl and he says everything is going great, but we flash back to the not-so-great-for-her date. Mike says he’s taken down all his social media platforms and he doesn’t exist on the internet now. Um…not quite, Mike. The internet is forever. He says he did it for Jessica’s sake, which is very good of him and shows he’s serious. In his interview, Shervin says a break up isn’t an option for Mike. Mike says he and Jessica are dating again and hopefully, things will fall into place again.

Khouran, a performer, comes by Reza’s place. Khouran is a little person who Reza wants to costume as his mini me. Silly String is also involved. Khouran hand delivers invitations to Reza’s show to all the friends and when they answer the door, they get sprayed. It’s kind of cute.

Mike says it’s the first time in six years that he’s been alone in the house. He calls Jessica and asks her to come out for Reza’s show. Mike feels that spending time together would bring them a step closer to reconciliation.

Reza is nervous, but Adam tells him that he succeeds in everything he tries, and even if it doesn’t go well, he’ll come home to a good life.True dat! They get to the club early and order some appetizers. Mike shows up wearing a T-shirt with Reza’s picture on it. Jessica shows up and everyone makes a big fuss.

Mike says Jessica seems nervous and standoffish. How is this different from any other time and what did he expect? Reza is extremely nervous. Almost immediately, someone’s phone goes off after he takes the stage. In his interview, he says it’s so much harder than he expected it to be. Yep, it’s always easy when it’s not you. In her interview, GG says it hurts to watch. His jokes are going over like a lead balloon. He ends with a racist joke which brings out a collective oh-no-you-didn’t from the crowd. The whole thing is just bad.

GG gives everyone a flash, saying that when you have fake boobs, they belong to everyone. I didn’t know that was the rule. Asa asks Jessica about taking a couples’ portrait for a project she’s doing. Jessica says okay, which encourages Mike. Afterwards, they go to a supper club. Mike and Jessica make out in front of the club. They never make it inside, deciding to leave together.

Next time, Tommy and MJ go to therapy, Reza thinks GG is lying about her arthritis, Asa has a fashion show, and Mike and Jessica have an argument.

May 30, 2016 – Game of Thrones, the Dead Don’t Rest

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Our regularly scheduled programming has been interrupted by Memorial Day weekend.

Game of Thrones

Meera drags Bran through the forest, while Bran has visions of his past visions. Finally, Bran comes to and says, “They found us.” Yes, they did. But someone is on their side (maybe) and a guy on a horse bumps off the White Walkers. He tells them the dead don’t rest and they need to come with him.

Gilly, Sam and Little Sam are taking a carriage to Sam’s hometown. He says he didn’t think he’d ever come back again and coaches her on what to tell his parents. She’s to say the baby is his, so they’ll be taken in. Sam also tells her that his father hates Wildings.

Sam’s mother and sister greet them, and he introduces Gilly and Little Sam. Sam asks about his father and brother. Lady Tarly says they’re on a hunt.

Tommen asks the High Sparrow if there isn’t another way for Margaery other than the walk of shame. He says she’ll be fine and that he’s pleased with how open she was to him. He lets Tommen in to see her. They hug and Tommen asks if she’s been mistreated. She says no and he says he’s missed her. She says they’ll be together soon and things will be better than before. She asks if he’s talked to the High Sparrow and says he’s not what they thought he was. At first we think she means the High Sparrow is an idiot, but it’s the opposite – she says he’s helped her tremendously. Tommen is shocked and says she’s the nicest person he knows. She says she was good at acting good. He asks about her brother. Margaery says she loves Loras, but he needs to atone as they all do.

Gilly cleans up well and Sam tells her she’s beautiful. They sit down to dinner and Gilly watches what everyone else does in order to know which piece of cutlery to use. Sam says the venison is good and they talk hunting. Gilly says her father taught her to hunt and Sam’s sister says that their father could learn a thing or two from him. Lord Tarly is not too pleased.

Lord Tarly complains that even after being in the Night’s Watch, Sam is still soft and fat. Lady Tarly says being maester is no small thing. Gilly tells them that Sam is tough and he even killed a White Walker. Lord Tarly puts two and two together and realizes that Gilly is a Wilding. He points out a sword over the mantle and says it’s been in the family for generations. It’s supposed to go to his eldest son when he dies, but he says Sam will never get it. He asks if this is Sam’s way of getting back at him, bringing that into his house. Lady Tarly gets up from the table, tells Lord Tarly off, and leaves the room with Gilly. Sam’s father tells Sam he’ll take them in, but Sam will never darken his door again. That went downhill fast.

Sam apologizes to Gilly, but she says she’s not mad at him. She kisses him and tells him he’s not what his father says he is. He has to leave in the morning and tells her good-by. She’s about to tuck Little Sam in, when Sam bursts back into the room and says they’re leaving now and they belong together. He takes the family sword.

Arya is back at the theatre watching the play about the Lannisters. When the actors are about to exit, Arya goes backstage and slips the poison into Lady Crane’s booze. When everyone gets back to the dressing room, Lady Crane asks Arya what she’s doing there and how many times she’s seen the play. She assumes Arya is interested in being an actress and tells her that when she was younger, she snuck into the theatre and eventually joined the troupe. Arya says she’s very good, but Lady Crane says her final speech stinks and asks Arya how she would change it. Arya tells her that after Joffrey’s death, Cersei would have been more angry and not so much crying. She says her father is waiting for her and she has to go.

The actors make actor chit-chat. Lady Crane is about to sip her drink and Arya scares the crap out of me when she flies back in and knocks the glass out of Lady Crane’s hand. She tells Lady Crane to be careful of one of the other actresses and that the actress wants her dead. Afterward, Arya takes Needle from its hiding place.

The Waif tells Jaqen, who is in the process of removing a face, that Arya is done. He says it’s a shame since she had a lot of talents. The Waif says Jaqen promised her that she could deal with Arya. He says not to let her suffer. Geez, thug life in Braavos.

Jaime gathers Mace and the troops. They’re going to take back their city from the High Sparrow. The High Sparrow is giving a public speech about Margaery’s disgrace, when Jaime and company come marching in. Jaime says sorry to interrupt, but they’re here for Margaery and Loras. The Sparrow says he doesn’t have the authority to give them up and Jaime doesn’t have the authority to take them.

Jaime rides his horse up the steps, which is pretty cool. He says he’s there under King Tommen’s authority and he’ll kill every one of them before Margaery takes a walk of shame. The Sparrow says that’s not necessary and that Margaery has already atoned for her sins by bringing another into the fold. Tommen walks out. The Sparrow announces an alliance between the crown and the faith. Tommen says together they will restore the Seven Kingdoms to glory. I’m not sure if I buy this or not, but then Olenna says the Sparrow has beaten them, so I guess she buys it.

Tommen tells Jaime he’s not fit to be in charge of the King’s Guard. Jaime asks if he’s going to be imprisoned. Tommen says he’ll still serve his king, but not in this city.

Walder Frey chastises his men for Riverrun being taken over by the Blackfish. He says they’re being laughed at all the way to King’s Landing. He says he’s not leaving this world until they choke on that laughter. One of the men says the Blackfish will never yield, but Walder says to show him the knife that Robb’s wife was killed with. He brings out Lord Edmure and tells him that he’s going home.

Cersei tells Jaime being in charge of an army somewhere else is better than being in a dungeon. Jaime threatens to kill the High Sparrow, but Cersei says if he does, than everything they’ve worked for goes down the toilet. She tells him he needs to take Riverrun back. Talk of war gets them hot and they start making out.

Meera asks why the guy on the horse helped them. He says the Three-Eyed Raven sent for him. She says he’s dead and the guy says he lives again. He says the last time he saw Bran, he was a boy. Bran asks who he is, and the guy removes his hood. It’s Bran’s Uncle Benjen! (I think we all saw this coming.) Benjen says he was stabbed by a sword of ice, but the Forest Children brought him back with a dragonglass sword. He is going to help Bran be the next Three-Eyed-Raven.

Dany asks Daario how many ships she’s going to need. He says a lot and asks what they’re going to do when they get to Westeros. She says she’s taking back what’s hers. She tells him to wait and rides off on her horse. Her army gets bored quickly and Daario says he’s going after her.

No need. She’s back. Riding on Drogon. He lands and makes dragon noises. Dany gives a pep talk to her troops, telling them how she chose them and how they’re going to get the Seven Kingdoms back that Khal Drago promised her. Everyone gets very jazzed..

Drogon spreads his dragon wings and gets all fierce.

Next time, Olenna meets with Cersei, Tormund pledges his allegiance to Jon, and Davos says the dead are coming.

May 15, 2016 — Storybrooke Finale, Dead in Mexico, Shahs Plan & Dany Rises

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Snow tells Regina that she doesn’t need to go through this alone. Zelena says she’s not going to, and Zelena can empathize, having been through it. David tells Zelena how sorry he is about Hades.

Violet approaches Henry. She says she’s sorry about Robin and that she was afraid she was never going to see Henry again. He says him too.

Emma tells Hook maybe he should wait outside when she goes to the diner, since Regina might be bitter over Robin’s death.

Gold tells Belle in the Box that her father was uncooperative about waking her and he’ll have to find another way. He says he needs power and messes with the Olympian crystal.

Emma sees Regina. The diner rocks (and by that I mean like there’s an earthquake, not that it’s a cool place to be) and Hook runs in asking if everyone is okay. Everybody is surprised to see him, since they didn’t think he could get back from the Underworld. Regina says only one person is powerful enough to rock the diner like that — Gold.

Regina says he’s done a tethering spell. Gold is trying to harness all the magic in Storybrooke. They surmise it’s to wake Belle. Emma says maybe Regina should sit this one out and Regina is annoyed that Emma thinks she’ll go all evil queen. Regina says fine, she’ll deal with things herself. She disappears, poof! in a cloud of purple smoke.

Henry tells Violet about Gold and how magic screws everything up. He says he used to think there was light and dark, but now he believes it’s all one. Violet says her mother died from magic. Henry asks her to come on a quest with him and she says yes. He calls it Operation Mix-Tape and says there’s one more thing they need, the pen. He writes that the crystal appeared in his hand. He tells Violet all the magic is tethered there and they’re going to destroy it.

The group is looking for Gold, and Regina is looking for Henry. Gold shows up and says Henry has the crystal and Henry has outsmarted all of them. Regina asks what happens if Henry succeeds in destroying magic, and Gold tells her that Storybrooke was created with magic, so what does she think? He disappears, poof! in cloud of grey smoke.

Emma follows Regina to look for Henry. All of the other characters in Storybrooke approach Snow with their worries. Zelena creates a doorway for them to go back from whence they came. Emma says they have to find Henry before Gold does.

Meanwhile, Violet and Henry are in New York City. Everyone goes through the door except our heros. Zelena is about to close it and something prevents her, something that looks like it’s trying to get in. Suddenly, the gang is transported to…somewhere. Zelena says they’re not in Storybrooke anymore.

In Boston, Regina and Emma get in a Volkswagen Beetle. Regina pricks Emma’s finger and the blood leaves a trail on their map, showing them where Henry is. Gold drives through the Queens-Midtown Tunnel into NYC. Violet tells Henry the city is overwhelming and he says he thought the same thing about Camelot at first. They discuss Gold and Henry tells her that his father had also been looking for a way to destroy magic and kept a journal in his apartment. He tells her she’s the only one he’s told about it.

In the beautiful forest that the Storybrooke-ites have landed in, they come across an estate. They ask a gardener where they are. The gardener says if he helps them, he’ll be punished. When David asks by who, a sorcerer pops out and says by him, and blows them all back with purple lightening bolts.

The gang wakes up in a dungeon. Although, geez, it looks like they could squeeze between the bars. A warden comes in and asks why they’re on his property. Snow says they just want to leave. The warden asks what the Dark One wants and grabs Hook by the throat. Snow says Gold is their enemy too, and explains what Gold is looking for. The warden doesn’t believe them.

Emma and Regina go to the apartment. Emma can tell that Henry and Violet have been there. Regina finds one of Robin’s books and gets all sentimental. There’s a letter from Robin to her inside. He says how proud he is of her and that no matter what separates them, he knows she’ll always do the right thing. Emma tells Regina sorry about before. Regina says she’s right, the evil queen is always trying to get out. Emma says she understands having fought the darkness, but Regina says while Emma was just at the precipice, she was consumed.

Regina says her first instinct is to rip Hook’s throat out because Robin didn’t survive, but she knows it’s wrong, so she keeps it in check. She says good always leads to loss for her, but she has to keep doing it. She talks about the horrible things she did when Snow was little. She says being a hero doesn’t matter because there’s no redemption for her. She has the curse of knowing good and evil and has to fight with it every day. Emma says she believes in Regina, and Regina says that’s because Emma is good. She says her fate is to be trapped.

Emma sees on the computer that Henry and Violet are at the midtown library. Gold waits outside the door of the apartment.

A librarian takes Henry and Violet to the rare reading room. His father was looking for something there, but never found it. Violet is skeptical that they can. A slew of Henry’s Once Upon A Time books are there, each containing different stories.

Back at the dungeon, the gardener, Albert, comes in. He says he wants to help them. He can’t let them out, but he might be able to get the magic they need. He asks to come with them when they leave. He says he’s a prisoner and wants to get away from the warden as much as they do. Zelena needs her wand fixed and Albert says he can take the pieces and put it back together in the lab. David is unsure about trusting him, but they have no other choice.

Henry thinks they came there for nothing. Violet says he’ll figure it out. She sees a chalice in a glass case and says Henry’s father never figured things out because he never visited Camelot, where the Holy Grail is the source of all magic. Henry busts the chalice out and it twirls a book around. Henry starts to leave. Gold stops him, but Henry says he’s not getting the crystal without a fight. Gold says too bad Henry is going to lose and puts both Henry and Violet to sleep, taking the crystal.

Albert goes to the laboratory. He puts the wand into a machine that looks like a Mousetrap game. He’s able to fix it, but the sorcerer comes in. Albert claims the warden wanted him to fix it, but the sorcerer says they’ll talk to the warden then. There’s a struggle and Albert turns into Mr. Hyde, who is also the warden, and starts talking about his other personality in the third person. He says Storybrooke could be the answer to what they’re looking for, and they’ve been stuck where they are for too long. He says the doctor isn’t the only one who will be going to Storybrooke; they all will.

Emma finds Henry and Violet, and the color turns to sepia tones. Henry tells Regina that magic has taken everything away from them. Every time it seems like they’ll be happy, magic wrecks things. He doesn’t want magic to take away Regina or Emma. He tells them he couldn’t find any answers. They agree they have to find Gold and they do the map/blood thing again. It doesn’t work though, because the magic is all in the crystal.

Hyde is twirling the wand around. He says he’s taking something that will give them the power they need. Gold talks to Belle in the Box in the hotel room. The room starts to shake and when Gold grabs the crystal, Belle in the Box disappears and reappears in Hyde’s hands. He says if the Dark One wants to see his wife again, he’ll have to do what Hyde says.

Albert, who is also Dr. Jekyll, wakes up in a straitjacket. There’s a note from Hyde saying he almost got free. Albert says that Hyde isn’t as smart as he thinks. He goes to the dungeon, says the warden has the wand, and unlocks the door, letting the Storybrooke gang out.

They go to what looks like a Moroccan flea market. Albert says it’s called the Land of Untold Stories.

Back in NYC, Violet tells Henry she hopes he has a good plan since they have no magic. They see lightening bolts hitting the top of a building. A room service waiter comes toward the hotel room. Gold answers the door and invites him in. There’s a pentagram and candles on the table. Gold doesn’t care about the food, only the sterling silver charger. Gold gives the waiter a hundred dollar bill and says things might get messy. The waiter leaves and Gold puts a “do not disturb” sign on the door.

Regina feels the vibes from the hotel. She says she might not have magic, but she still has a fist and Gold still has a nose. Ha-ha! She knocks on the door and tells Gold they need to talk alone. She says Emma doesn’t know she’s there. She says she knows he hasn’t been able to wake Belle in the Box yet and needs help from his best student. She says she’s ready to let the evil queen back out and makes up some story. She says he needs the evil queen and she doesn’t want to lose Zelena. He says maybe they can help one another.

Albert brings everybody to his apartment. He picks up some serum that separates the good and evil from someone. He’s going to use it on Hyde. The sorcerer comes in. Albert tells everyone to run as he turns into Hyde.

While Regina and Gold toast, Emma slips in. Gold tells Regina about how Belle in the Box was taken. Emma gets the crystal, but it disappears, poof! in a cloud of magenta smoke. Gold knew all along. He says Regina is who she’ll always be, guilt-ridden and weak. He takes something of Zelena’s from Regina that he needs for his spell, and plans on getting rid of Emma and Regina, since he doesn’t need them anymore.

Henry stops everything and works some magic on the pentagram table. Purple clouds happen outside the building and it seems like something has been sucked out of the room. Henry says he’s destroyed magic.

Hyde tells the sorcerer to go into the other room and injects himself. He separates into two people. Hyde tells the doctor it’s nice to finally meet him. He says the irony of being separate is that it’s going to destroy him. He tries to strangle the doctor and Hook comes to the rescue. David says the doctor risked everything to save them, so it was the least they could do.

Gold tells Henry he stopped him from rescuing Belle in the Box and everyone in the other realm with them. Henry says he did what he had to and it’s on Gold. Regina wonders what happened to Storybrooke, and Gold says it will be fine, he was just made that up to motivate her. He says they’ll have to work together to find who has magic.

Emma finds Henry in Bryant Park. Henry says before they knew magic existed, they were happy. Emma says it was just them then. Henry says because of what he did, they might not see their family again. Emma says Regina and Gold are working on it now.

Gold tells Regina he’s always failed to separate the parts of himself because he likes the darkness. Regina says she doesn’t, but Gold tells her she’s kidding herself an the more she keeps it inside, the more she’ll suffer.

They go to an herbal shop. Gold introduces the shopkeeper as “The Dragon.” The Dragon says he’s not in the business of helping hearts with such darkness as Rumpelstiltskin’s, but he will help Regina. He says it’s imperative she win for all of them.

The Dragon does a thing with a lotus blossom and they’re able to see Snow and the others in the parallel world. Regina says they’re in trouble. The Dragon says opening a portal is beyond his power. He says just because Henry thinks he destroyed magic, doesn’t mean there isn’t any; it’s everywhere. Emma says they have to believe and Gold says just saying it doesn’t make it so.

Henry is going to throw a coin in the fountain. He asks if Emma remembers the last time they were there and he made a wish. A few days later, the wish came true. He throws the coin in, saying he wishes his family was reunited. Each of them tosses in a coin and wishes. The crystal starts to pulse with light. Gold tosses in his coin, but Henry says they need more.

In the Untold Stories World, the Storybrooke gang meets face to face with Hyde.

Henry makes a speech about magic being real, standing on the pedestal of one of the lions on the library steps. He gathers a small crowd and asks everyone to make a wish and help them return magic to the world. Everyone starts throwing coins in the fountain. (Hmm…this might be a good way to make some extra cash.) The crystal gets stronger and Henry says, told ya so.

Coins start dropping in on Snow and the others. Snow tells David they’re not pennies, they’re wishes. All of a sudden, they’re in the fountain and immediately get arrested. Just kidding about the arrest part. Everyone applauds. Henry says they think it was an act and none of it is real. Emma says it doesn’t matter. For a moment, he did the impossible and made everyone believe.

Hyde is going crazy, smashing things. Gold appears. Hyde says now that he’s finally here, if Gold wants to see his wife and child again, he’ll do as Hyde says. Gold strangles him without touching him and Hyde says he can help him wake Belle in the Box. Gold lets go and Hyde says he’s learned a lot being the warden. He thinks it’s time they talk about a deal.

David says they can’t find Gold. Zelena says Regina wanted to be alone, but won’t say why. Snow finds Regina on the rooftop and brings her hot chocolate and spikes it from a flask. Regina says if she wants to keep the evil queen at bay she has to open herself to a lifetime of suffering. She says she wished the evil queen away at the fountain. Regina says the karma will always be there and it’s just another useless wish. Snow says maybe not.

Snow and Emma bring the syringe with Albert’s serum up to the roof. There’s enough for one more injection. Regina asks to be alone, but they won’t leave. Regina says the evil queen didn’t like Snow on a good day, so be careful. Snow injects Regina who goes through some changes, eventually splitting in two.

Regina faces herself. The evil queen tries to throw a lightening bolt at Regina, but Emma chains her. Emma tells Regina to destroy the evil queen and the queen laughs, saying Regina doesn’t have what it takes. She says Regina needs her. Regina says no she doesn’t and rips out the queen’s black heart. She says sorry and crushes it to dust. The queen disappears and only the chains are left.

Violet says she has to go. She tells Henry that her father is really from Connecticut and just ended up in Camelot. He said he’s glad she was born there though, since being a Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s court was no great shakes. She kisses Henry good-by.

Everyone else joins them. David says he’ll show Albert around. Emma tells Hook that she loves him and they kiss.

Henry tells Regina she destroyed the evil queen and asks how she feels. She says free. They take the crystal ad Regina works some mojo over it. It disappears. Uh-oh. Hyde appears and is like, thanks, trapped in a town without magic would be a bummer. He says he provided Gold with some information in exchange for Storybrooke. And he’s brought some friends.

He says he’s been looking for a place where all the lost and forgotten stories can play out. Regina says the story ends with him losing. He says darkness isn’t as easy to snuff out as she believes.

In Chinatown, The Dragon hears a bell. A trail of smoke comes into his establishment. It’s the evil queen. She says he was right about one thing, there was a battle raging inside Regina and she might have won the battle, but the war has just begun. She takes his heart and says the queen is back.

I’m guessing that next season, the Storybrooke characters will get involved with different stories from the books Henry found. Kind of like Sliders.

Fear the Walking Dead

In a chapel, some choirboys sing. The padre takes the podium. He talks about their faith being tested. He says that the evil that has befallen them wants them to turn away from God and to not to give into it. He says they’ll defeat it. They take communion.

Everyone goes out and gets guns. Thomas comes up and tells the padre they’ll be dead by the time they get to the gate. The people of the congregation start bleeding from their eyes. The padre says this was her, the one Thomas is trying to protect.

On the boat. Chris tells Travis he didn’t do anything wrong. Travis says they’re saying the guy Chris shot wasn’t sick and Madison is worried about him. Even if he wasn’t sick, Reed was a menace.

In the wheelhouse, Victor says they’ll be in Baha soon. Victor sees a boat coming toward them. Luis says the guy driving is Miguel, but he doesn’t know the other one. Madison has everyone hide. Daniel translates the conversation they can overhear. A negotiation is being made and Luis makes a payment. The guy wants to make sure there are no infected on board. There’s an argument and gunshots.

It gets quiet, and the group goes back up. Luis is dead, but Victor is fine. Daniel tells the others to stay and Daniel makes sure the people involved are dead. Luis is still alive and Ofelia wants to help him. Luis gives her a coin and says to give it to his mother. Daniel takes the coin from her. He says it’s nothing, even though he obviously knows what it is, and tosses it overboard.

The group goes to shore. The place is littered with piles of bodies. Victor calls Thomas’s name and runs into the chapel, looking for him. A bunch of zombies attack and the group fights them off. Lots of eye stabbing. Daniel has to stab an altar boy and can’t do it. Ofelia runs interference. A zombie grabs Madison and Chris freezes. Or maybe not. Is he pissed because she thought Reed might not have been sick? Alicia dispatches the zombie.

They take a truck to the gated estate. There are workers tilling the soil and such. Victor leads the way to the main house. Thomas’s mother, Celia, meets them. She asks about Luis and Victor says something about the military and she says he’ll find his way back. I don’t know if Victor is talking in code or giving her a story. A lady takes their weapons.

Thomas isn’t well. He tells Victor better late than never. Victor sees a wound on his arm and tells Thomas he’s sorry. Thomas says it’s okay, he waited for him. Victor says if he’d been there, he could have done something, but Thomas says maybe not. He helps Thomas up and they hug. He helps Thomas to his bed.

Alicia watches an old movie. Chris comes in and asks if she’s mad at him. She says she saw what he did. She says he was watching when the zombie was going to kill Madison and he did nothing. He says he froze and she can’t tell anyone something like that. She says what if she does. He says he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.

Nick comes to the kitchen. It’s not dinnertime yet, but Celia says she’ll give him some pizolli if he doesn’t tell the others. He says that Luis was asking for her and he wanted her to know. She says he has a “heavy smile,” and asks him why. He says he’s sick of all the killing. She says they’re just visitors and the dead have always walked among them, but now they can see it. Madison comes in and tells Nick the shower is ready.

Celia says Nick is special. Madison tells her that Nick is fragile and impressionable. Everyone is just being weird. Or weirder than usual.

Madison brings a tray in to Thomas and Victor. Thomas says he’s usually a better host. Thomas makes Madison promise to look after Victor when he’s gone. She says he won’t make it easy and Thomas says that’s why he’s asking her.

Ofelia tells Daniel it’s dinnertime and he says he’s not hungry. She asks if everything is okay and he says yes. He says to tell everyone that he’s tired. Alicia is falling asleep watching TV, which I imagine must seem like quite a novelty right now. Madison says that’s how they used to find her when they’d come home and she was with a babysitter. Alicia says she was afraid they wouldn’t come home.

Madison asks Travis what he talked about with Chris. She tells him about Chris threatening Alicia and what Alicia thinks she saw. Madison thinks that he’s sick. Travis says what if she’s right and she needs to help him help Chris. He adds that he’s noticed she leaves him out of the picture when talking about their kids. She says Alicia needs her tonight and Travis says he’ll stay with Chris. Maybe this whole thing is just getting to everybody.

Victor tends to Thomas. He tells Thomas to go to sleep, but Thomas says he can’t. Victor says the world was never good enough for Thomas and Thomas says he doesn’t want to leave him. Victor says he could go with him and Thomas says that’s very Shakespearean of him. Victor says there’s nothing left for him there once Thomas is gone, and his mother will look after everyone.

Daniel sees a kid put a dog into something that looks like a laundry shoot and is like, wtf?

Ofelia prays at the shrine. Nick joins her. She asks when he was in a church last and he says he doesn’t remember. She talks to her mother and says she’s worried about Daniel. She thinks he’s frail and has lost his way without her. Nick looks up and sees an owl’s face carved in a tree. It makes him remember when he woke up in the church in the first episode. Ofelia finishes praying and thanks him for being there with her.

Daniel sneaks around and sees the kid talking to a closed door. He asks the kid who he’s talking to and the kid says his mother. Daniel asks the kid to introduce him. Yep, as I thought. There’s bunch of zombies in there and this kid has been feeding them dogs.

Daniel goes to Celia and asks if she’s responsible. She says they’re family and she didn’t want to refuse them shelter, that they were being hunted. Daniel says she poisoned the parishioners and she says he’s being outrageous and needs to make peace with the dead. Okay, now what Victor said about Luis makes sense. She’s bringing communion wafers in to Thomas and Victor.

Celia sings a little Spanish ditty while she gives Thomas a sponge bath. She tells Victor that when Thomas was afraid of the dark as a boy, that was the only thing that worked. She says she never thought Victor was good enough for Thomas, but she was wrong. He asks how long it will take and she says not long. She tells him to sleep and leaves.

Nick sees Celia outside. She says Nick’s mother worries about him and he says he’s given her reason. Celia asks what he wants to know and he asks if they’re really dead. She says no and he asks what they are. She says they’re what comes next. Great.

Victor is in bed with Thomas and watching him. Thomas dies in Victor’s arms. Victor looks at the communion wafer, but walks past it. Chris gets out of bed and gets something out of a drawer. A gun? He goes into Alicia’s room where she’s sleeping with Madison. He takes a knife from the neightstand and a gunshot wakes everyone. Alicia screams at him to get out.

Victor has shot Thomas in the head.

Next time, Chris disappears, Nick walks among the dead, and Victor isn’t done

Shahs of Sunset

Reza and GG are at a bathhouse. GG gas to go through some medical treatments. Reza is of a “no man left behind” school of thought, and says people need other people. That’s what differentiates them from snakes. Really. He said that.

MJ and Tommy are talking about moving in together. They call the fertility doctor about the tests results. He says Tommy’s sperm count is low and it will  be almost impossible to get pregnant. The doctor says it could be a wrong count though because of them having sex too close to the time of the test. MJ makes Tommy swear not to [insert favorite euphemism here] for a minimum of two days.

Jessica and Mike are going to couples counseling. This should be good. The therapist asks for background and Mike says they’re having marital problems. Great start. Jessica has moved out, but Mike didn’t tell anyone. He thought she’d be back in a few days, but it didn’t happen. The therapist asks if they’re in a place where they want to fix things and she’s there to help them work through it.

Jessica says she knocked herself out to show Mike how worthy and capable she was, but then the relationship bombed after marriage. Mike says he’s been working like a dog to be the bread winner and loves Jessica more than anything. She says she needs more than that. More than love and money? Mike says she’s riddled with anger and he feels like he’s failed her. I’m not sure exactly what the problem is. Did he cheat?

Shervin’s mom has come for a visit. She’s trying to cook for him even though he has no utensils. Awww! He has a cute little Pomeranian that he says is a chick magnet. GG is joining them for dinner. They talk about relationships. GG says Shervin has no game, only money. She says he’s looking for the perfect princess who doesn’t exist.

Reza and Asa get together. Asa is having a cat-themed retirement party for her mom. They pick up some fast food and head to Palm Springs. They’re going to pick out a restaurant for the surprise wedding. They check out a room that Asa says is stunning, but I don’t know if I’d go that far. It’s good for Reza though.

Tommy has his sperm count retested. MJ sits in a differnt chair this time for supersticious reasons. She also mentions that they don’t sleep on the same side of the bed every night. That seems weird to me. The test is better this time and the doctor thinks they should be good to go. The doctor says the longer they wait, the less chance of success. MJ isn’t quite ready yet though.

Asa goes to Reza’s Palm Springs place for a drink after they’re done with wedding business. Asa asks Reza what if Adam is caught off guard and Reza doesn’t get the reaction he wants. Reza says he doesn’t have a back up plan, because a back up plan is a plan for a failure.

Shervin is out on a date with Analise, who is Italian, but grew up in Australia. He met her in line at a coffee place. It sounds like Shervin doesn’t work too hard at any kind of relationship stuff. He says all he ever basically does is smile. He asks her something about “cheerio, guv’nor,” and apparently he’s not super bright either since they don’t say that in Australia. She says he must not go on a lot of dates and suggests he switch up his approach.

MJ’s mom, Vida, comes over with her dog Ziggy, who is looking like she’s recovered from MJ taking her to the groomer. Now she just has a purple pom pom on her tail. While they’re cooking, MJ tells Vida that Tommy moved in. Vida is seriously annoyed. MJ says things are moving too fast for her mother. She tells Vida about having her eggs frozen and she feels she only has another year or so to get everything into place. Vida says having a child isn’t like picking out a Louis Vuitton bag. MJ says she’s hoping to marry Tommy and Vida says she’ll get no help from her since he’s the wrong guy. And Vida ought to know.

Asa is preparing for the retirement party. Mr. Barfy makes an appearance for his favorite food, flaming Cheetos. Everyone dresses like a cat except Mike. He makes excuses for Jessica by saying she’s out of town. GG gives Asa’s mother a bottle of wine in a cat-shaped bottle.

Reza says Asa’s mom is also a sorcerer (wouldn’t that be sorceress?) and reads coffee grounds. He tells her about the surprise wedding and she says the grounds tell him to be careful and that the future is unknown. She sees someone who might interfere as well.

Asa makes a toast to her mother’s gangster ways. Reza asks GG what’s up since she looks like she has a glow. She says she’s been communicating better and it’s taken her to good places. MJ asks Mike about Jessica and he says he likes MJ’s shoes. He walks away from the table, but MJ follows. Mike tells her that he realizes Jessica thought he would change when they got married. He says they got in a huge argument, and when he got home from work the next day, she’d gone to her parents. MJ feels hurt because she didn’t realize it was a facade, which I don’t understand at all. Mike starts whining about how hard it is and how he wants Jessica to come home. Reza thinks it’s bizarre after only six months. Oddly enough, GG is the voice of reason, telling MJ it’s none of her business. MJ keeps repeating that Mike’s wife left him and Mike finally tells her to shut up, because he can hear her from halfway across the yard. He wonders who made her a marriage counselor when she has her own issues.

It’s time to cut the cake. It’s a huge white cat. MJ decides to go home and toddles off before Asa smears icing all over her mom’s face. Asa follows MJ outside. MJ says she’s done with Mike’s shennanigans and Reza says she’s had over a fifth of tequila. Yikes! GG says and everyone keeps calling her crazy.

Next time, the Shahs dress up in monkey suits (and I don’t mean tuxedos, I mean monkey suits), Tommy tells MJ to quit bothering Mike, and the surprise wedding happens…or does it?

Game of Thrones

Edd picks up his sword. He asks Jon where he’s going and Jon says south. He asks what Jon is going to do and Jon says get warm. Edd asks how Jon can leave them now when he knows what’s coming? Jon says his own brothers killed him, so how can Edd expect him to stay?.

Brienne, Pod and Sansa come to the gate. Yay! They finally made it somewhere. Jon comes out. He and Sansa hug.

Sansa has some soup and she and Jon make small talk. He says they should never have left Winterfell. Sansa says she was awful as a kid, and wishes she could change everything. She makes him forgive her. Sansa asks where Jon is going and he says she’s coming too; if he doesn’t look after her, their father’s ghost will haunt him. Sansa thinks they should take back Winterfell. Jon is tired of fighting. He says it’s all he’s done since he left home. She says if they don’t take back the north, they’ll never be safe. She wants him to help, but is willing to do it herself.

Davos approaches the Red Woman. She says Jon is the prince who was promised and she’s going to do what he commands. Davos mentions that she’d thought Stannis was the promised prince. The Red Woman tells him about the battle. When Davos asks about Princess Shireen, Brienne joins the, saying she saw what happened. I’ll bet that made the Red Woman sweat, but Davos doesn’t pursue it. Brienne also tells them she’s the one who executed Stannis.

Robin is doing target practice and Petyr drives up. He’s brought Robin a falcon. Lord Royce asks about Sansa and Petyr tells him what happened, but wonders how his secrets about Sansa got out. Royce says he’s always been faithful and Robin asks Petyr if they can trust him. Petyr says he would make a capable commander and deserves another chance. Robin agrees.

Petyr tells Robin that Sansa escaped, and was headed for Castle Black, but she won’t be safe with the Boltons after her. Robin says they should help her. Petyr says to get everyone ready for battle.

Tyrion talks to Grey Worm and Missandei about negotiations. Missandei says he hasn’t been there long enough to understand how it works.

One of the men tells Tyrion they came to meet the queen, and instead they get a eunich and a dwarf. He says Dany was offered ships and she refused them. Missandei says it’s because of the slavery situation. Tyrion says they don’t need slaves to make money. He says he grew up richer than any of them and there haven’t been slaves in Westeros for hundreds of years. Tyrion says Dany will compromise, giving them seven years to end the practice, and they’ll be compensated. They’re also to cut off support of the Sons of the Harpy. The man says they don’t support them, and Tyrion says all the same, they’re to stop their support. He gives them some girls to seal the deal.

Tyrion talks to the head guys who are pissed at him meeting with the slavers. He says the queen chose him as her adviser and as soon as she returns — but he’s interrupted as there’s concern she won’t return. Grey Worm says if there’s a chance for peace, they should go for it. Missandei says we make peace with our enemies not our friends.

Afterwards, Grey Worm tells Tyrion that he’s loyal to Dany, not Tyrion, and he’d better be right. Tyrion says he does’t trust them, but trusts their self-interest. He says their contempt is their weakness and they can use it to their advantage. Grey Worm says it will end up the other way around the way it does every time.

Jorah and Daario are hiking the hills. Daario tells Jorah that he’s getting old for all this stuff, and that it’s hard for him to keep up with Dany and he’s a young man. They observe the Dothraki camp. Jorah tells Daario that they’ve taken Dany to the temple. Jorah takes his sword off, telling Daario there are no weapons allowed. Daario suggests sneaking in to cart off Dany isn’t allowed either, but Jorah says if they get caught, it’s better if they’re unarmed.

At nightfall, they sneak into the camp, which is really rocking and rolling with Dothraki eating, drinking and being merry. Jorah sees some men and pretends he’s a wineseller who got lost. The guy says they’re not merchants and a fight ensues. Jorah nearly gets killed, but apparently Daario decided to keep one of his weapons. Jorah says if anyone finds the body, the whole city will be looking for them. Daario covers up the stab wound by beating the crap out of the body with a rock.

At the crone camp, the girls sit in a circle and the head crone tells Dany she hopes Dany is allowed to stay with them. Dany says she needs some water and the crone tells her there’s no running from the Dothraki. Dany says she’d never do that and one of the girls escorts her to the well. Halfway there, Daario and Jorah pop out. Dany tells the girl to have faith in her.

The sisters come to Margaery’s cell and bring her to see the High Sparrow. He asks her where she’d go if she could leave. She says to her brother, her family, her husband. He says that would be seeking materialism and materialism is sin. He tells her his own story. He says he sought a taste of the high life and had an epiphany and how his life was a collection of lies. He left his life and never went back, not even stopping for his shoes.

The High Sparrow takes Margaery to her brother. Loras starts to weep and she tells him he has to stay strong and that he’s the future of their family. He says he’s not strong and begs for help. She says they want her to help tear him down; that’s the only reason the High Sparrow is letting her see him. He dissolves into a puddle of tears and isn’t much help.

The Grand Maester is speaking with Tommen and Cersei kicks him out. Tommen says they need to be careful in dealing with the High Sparrow. He’s concerned about Margaery. Cersei is only concerned about herself, but says Margaery’s safety is paramount. Tommen says Cersei doesn’t like Margaery, but Cersei says it doesn’t matter, a queen should command respect.

Tommen tells Cersei that the High Sparrow told him something in confidence and Cersei says he can trust her. Hahahahahahaha!

Cersei cancels the small councel meeting. She tells Olenna that the High Sparrow has their fate in his grubby, little hands. She says her trial is coming up, but before that, Queen Margaery is supposed to have an atonement walk. Olenna is like, no way, and Cersei says that’s right. Jaime says they’re going to fight the High Sparrow. Cersei tells the King’s Hand to stand aside and his son will be avenged. Olenna says people will die no matter what route is taken, so better them than us. Amen, sista!

Theon finally makes it home. His sister says she didn’t believe it when she was told. Yara says good men died trying to rescue him. She says he was her brother, so she risked everything for him and he betrayed her. Theon says Ramsay broke him into a thousand pieces. She says they got one of the pieces and that’s why they tried to free him. Yara thinks he’s just there to claim the throne. He says he doesn’t want to be king. She asks what he wants. He says that she should rule. Damn straight.

Creepy Ramsay peels an apple. The guard shoves Osha into his room. He asks if she knows his banner. She says yes, the flayed man, and asks if they eat them afterward. Ha-ha! He says no, and she says she’s seen worse. She makes like the Starks had turned her into a slave and she thought she could ransom Rickon. He says Rickon is no longer hers, and why should he keep her around? She puts the moves on him, and he says she’s a good talker. He tells her he knows all about her past with the Starks and who helped the boys escape. Then he slits her throat. Bye, Osha.

Brienne watches Tormund eat. Edd says sorry about the food; it’s not what they’re known for. Somene come in with a message for the Lord Commander. Jon says that’s not him anymore, but takes it anyway. It’s from Ramsay, telling him to come and try to take Winterfell. He has Rickon and the skin of his direwolf is on the floor. He wants his wife back. He goes on to say how he’s going to torture everyone in graphic detail. Jon can’t read any more and Sansa reads the rest. It’s signed the Lord of Winterfell, so they know Roose is dead.

Sansa says a monster has taken their home and their brother, and they have to fight to save them both. She tells Jon people will fight for him if he only asks.

At the Dothraki camp, the Khal and his guys discuss the dead guy they found. Dany is brought in. The Khals buddy says she’s a midget. He says someone is offering 10,000 horses for her and he’s not sure if they should let her stay with the crones or use her as a whore. Dany asks if they’d like her opinion. The Khal says she has no voice unless she is Dosh Kahleen. They talk about Khal Drogo and the plans he had. She says his plans were bigger and better than any of the  piddling stuff they’re doing. She says none of them are fit to lead the Dothraki, but she is.

The Khal says fine, they’ll take turns with her and then give their horses a turn. He calls her crazy. She tells him he’s gong to die and knocks over the fire pit. The whole places starts burning. The men are all running around like crazy. It’s like Carrie — the doors are locked and everything is going up in flames, with Dany in the middle of it, cool as a cucumber.

A crowd gathers outside and Dany emerges just like she did the first time, nakey and untouched in the middle of a massive blaze. The crowd bows down to her. Jorah and Daario come forward, amazed. They too bow down. Very impressive. A beautiful and emotional scene.

Next time, Petyr and Sansa meet, Yara claims the iron throne, and Bran has a helluva vision.

May 8, 2016 — Fairy Tale, Reed Fails, the Shahs Talk & Jon Snow Walks

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Hades is thrilled to be back in the land of the living. Zelena is worried about Regina though, as she hasn’t shown up yet. She asks Hades to take the baby to Regina’s office. He’s surprised she trusts him that much. Zelena leaves and King Arthur, who’s in handcuffs, runs up to Hades and says he’s been unjustly imprisoned and was destined to rule a kingdom. Nice to meet you too. Hades introduces himself and says he’s also destined to rule a kingdom, but he needs Arthur’s help. And then Hades kills him.

Snow tells Merida she was supposed to be guarding Arthur and now they need to get a Dwarf search party going. Merida leaves and everyone except Hook, who is still in the Underworld, shows up. David tells Snow that Hades and Zelena came back too, with Robin’s baby.

Zelena finds Regina with Robin, and tells them Hades has changed. Regina explains how Hades tried to keep them in the Underworld and says she shouldn’t trust him with the baby. Zelena insists love has changed him, but Regina says that’s what she wants to believe. Zelena says if they try to hurt him, they’ll do so at their own peril, and she disappears, poof! in a cloud of green smoke.

In the Underworld, Arthur goes to the diner where he stands out like a sore thumb in his armor. Hook approaches him and Arthur threatens Hook, but Hook says there’s not much he can do to a dead man. Hook asks who killed him and Arthur says Hades. Hook asks Arthur if he’d like to go on a quest, but Arthur says not with him. Hook tells him that when he leaves the Underworld, he can go one of two places, and since he was a terrible king, he needs all the positive points he can get.

In Storybrooke, Merida, Emma and David find Arthur dead. Emma wants to find Hades, but David tells her she needs to get a grip and look at death the way most people do.

Hades tells Zelena that if anything happened to her or the baby, he’d be crushed, so he’s going to turn himself in. She tells him she doesn’t want to risk losing him again. She says she’ll put a protection spell on the building, so no one can get to him. He unwraps a broken crystal, saying he got it from his brother, Zeus, and he’s been waiting a long time to use it.

Regina sees there’s a protection spell on the town hall. She says they’ll have to talk some sense into Zelena and can get into the building through a tunnel. Emma says she wants to come, but Regina says she’s too emotional right now. Regina and Robin enter the tunnel and Regina apologizes for trusting Zelena.

Gold visits Belle’s father and tells him about the sleeping curse. He says she needs her father to wake her, but dad doesn’t want to help him. He says until Gold is gone for good, Belle will stay asleep. Gold says he thought that’s the reaction he was going to get and brandishes a cane, threatening to beat him with it again. I guess they’ve met before. Emma comes in and tells Gold to knock it off. She says Hades is in Storybrooke and she wants to know how to kill him. Gold doesn’t want to get involved.

Arthur and Hook go to Hades’s throne room. Hook says they have to find the pages of a storybook. They start going through Hades stuff. Arthur says it’s not there, but he looked for it the same way my husband looks for things, which is basically a cursory glance. Hook begs Arthur to help. He asks where Arthur would hide his treasure. They look in the throne and sure enough, there are the pages. Hook says he has to get the pages to Emma. They contain information on how to destroy a god.

Hook and Arthur go back to the diner where Cruella is sipping a martini. Hook asks where the phone booth is and she says she destroyed it. If she’s stuck there, so is everyone else. Hook asks about the book and she says it’s in the River of Lost Souls.

Snow is pouring over some ledgers. Emma says she doesn’t have time to help. She’s bent out of shape about Hook, and Snow tells her she can help him by helping them figure out how to defeat Hades.

Hades is putting the crystal back together. He says once he does, he and Zelena can prove everyone wrong and live however they want, they can even rule Storybrooke. She says she just wants a white picket fence life. The phone rings. It’s Gold welcoming Hades to Storybrooke. Gold asks if Hades wants to make a deal. He says he’ll protect Hades for a share in the Olympian crystal.

Robin and Regina get to the town hall. Regina apologizes again, but Robin says they did owe Zelena another chance. He tells Regina she’s his future. She asks what the plan is. He says his one rule is always have a way out, but he broke his rule. Regina says she doesn’t care and he says let’s get on with finding the baby.

Hook and Arthur search for the book. Hook tells Arthur to be careful and not touch the water or he could become a lost soul too. Arthur guards the boat while Hook starts to go up the stairs. One of the souls tries to pull Arthur into the water and Hook blasts it with a tiki torch. Another soul tries to take the book and Arthur pokes it with a torch. Hook grabs the book just before it falls into the water.

Arthur wonders how one kills the Lord of Death. Hook says it calls for an Olympian crystal.

In Storybrooke, Emma looks at the storybook. She sees a picture of her and Hook (omg — I can’t stop this from rhyming) and gets nostalgic. The book’s pages flip on their own and she sees the part about the crystal.

Hades gets the crystal put back together with Underworld Crazy Glue. Zelena suggests they leave. Hades says the only way to be safe is to be strong.

Robin tells Regina they need a distraction so he can gets his daughter. Regina feels someone entering the building. It’s Zelena and Hades. They leave and Robin says who needs a plan when they have blind luck on their side.

Zelena sees Emma. Emma says she doesn’t want to hurt her. Zelena says hurting Hades is the same thing. She gets the pages from Emma and says that’s proof they’re trying to kill the man…er, god she loves.

Robin picks the baby up and says everything is going to be okay. Hades pops out and begs to differ. He says the crystal will end Regina with no afterlife. He zaps her with the crystal but Robin steps in front of her. His soul disappears, poof! in a cloud of blue smoke. Regina weeps a little over his body and Hades says not to worry, they won’t be apart long.

Zelena comes in. Regina tells her what Hades has done. Hades says they need to use the crystal so they can have a kingdom. He says there’s no better revenge than having it all. Regina tries to get the crystal, but Zelena gets it instead. Regina tells her that she wanted her to find love, but love is sacrifice and means giving things up for the person you love. Hades tells Zelena if she kills Regina she’ll have everything she wants. Zelena says all she ever wanted was love and she thought that was enough for him. Now she realizes it never will be. She destroys Hades with the crystal. He disappears, poof! in a cloud of blue smoke, not even leaving a body behind, just a pile of gravel.

Hook thanks Arthur for his help. Arthur is glad to have been on a righteous quest. Hook says he knows he was able to give Emma what she needed. A while light happens and Hook tells Arthur to come with him. Arthur says he was prophesied to fix a broken kingdom. He thought it was Camelot, but believes it’s the Underworld. Hook goes into the light.

Hook enters Olympus. Zeus meets him and congratulates and thanks him. He says he’s there to escort Hook home. He asks if Hook is ready and says it’s time to take him where he belongs.

Emma leaves a flask on Hook’s grave because she thought he’d like it better than flowers. She cries, saying there’s nothing left and she misses him. The others are laying Robin to rest, putting arrows adorned with roses on his casket. No offense to Robin, but his death didn’t exactly rock my world like they claimed it was going to in the preview last week.

Zelena names the baby Robin. Awww!

Snow tells Emma it’s not her fault. Emma wants to say good-by to Robin alone. She feels something and turns around to see Hook. They kiss and he’d better watch it with that hook. He almost got her in the back with it during the embrace. He says that as a reward for getting rid of Hades, Zeus sent him home.

Gold approaches the pile of gravel that was Hades and says he should have taken the deal. He finds the crystal and says it’s his kingdom now.

Next week, the 2-hour season finale which starts at 7 pm, Regina gets some hate going on, and Henry says he’s destroyed magic.

Fear the Walking Dead

Someone is making pesto while listening to Patsy Cline. Alicia is watching a TV and Connor comes out and serves her an Omaha steak. He says he makes sure everyone gets a hot meal every night. She asks where Jack is and Connor says he wanted to meet her alone. She asks about Travis and Connor tells her to eat. She wonders where her family is and Connor says that they have to be selective about who they let in. He leaves to deal with the generator. Alicia is stuck with Pregnant Girl who steals her food. Huh?

Left alone, Alicia tries to find a way out. Everything is locked. She goes upstairs. It’s the deck of a large ship that’s docked in a shipyard.

Jack catches her and brings her back. He tells her it’s a good thing Connor didn’t catch her. He apologizes for leaving her alone but says Connor prefers getting to know new people by himself. Alicia asks about Travis and Jack says she can’t see him right now. She asks about her family and he asks if she trusts him. She says yes, and he says give him some time and he’ll find out.

Reed apparently isn’t dead. Daniel is tending to his wound. Chris is there and Reed harasses him. He’s pretty perky for a guy who’s impaled on a giant stick. He tells Daniel that when Connor finds out, there’ going to be hell to pay. He threatens Daniel’s daughter. Daniel says men who inspire fear don’t need to say how frightening they are. I think he stole that thought from The Fonz.

Daniel and Chris leave the room. Chris is annoyed, but Daniel says Reed is just scared. He tells Chris to guard the door, but don’t engage. Ofelia tells Daniel he should be resting and Daniel spaces out for a second, saying his mind is going to places it shouldn’t.

Daniel goes to the wheelhouse and tells Madison that Reed is Connor’s brother, so that should be leverage. He looks for a cluster of five boats on the monitor. Luis wants to know why they changed course. He’s concerned they’ll miss the window of opportunity to get to Mexico. She says her family comes first.

Luis bugs Victor about it, but he says everything is negotiable. Madison tells Luis he can stay on the boat. Daniel thinks they’ll need everyone to attack, but she says no. She thanks Victor, but he says she just bought herself half a day.

Jack gives Alicia the log book to keep track of boats that are seen on the monitor, saying everyone has to pull their weight, and she’ll make contact with the boats that Connor approves. They talk about how they thought the world was a safe place before, but maybe it wasn’t.

Down below, Travis is locked in some kind of cell. He finds a book and tears a piece off of a page. He uses it to fiddle with the lock, but someone comes down. It’s Alex, the woman from the raft. She had to kill her companion. He says when Connor found him, he asked what she had to offer. She gave him Abigail (Victor’s boat) and said she wanted Travis.

Madison tells Victor not to send Nick on anymore errands. He says Nick offered to go get Luis and without Luis, they can’t get into Mexico. She tells him not to come between her and her son again.

Jack teaches Alicia about the scanner. He sees something and starts looking through the log. Alicia realizes that one of the boats is the Abigail. She asks what happens to the people on the boats that Connor approves. Jack says he doesn’t know and Alicia says she has to find her family. Jack says they’ll go together.

Madison tells Nick not to pull anything like that again. He’s loading a gun and she tells him not to get too comfortable with it.

Alicia wonders if the boat had mechanical problems. Jack asks if she’s sure that she wants to do this. He calls Connor.

Alex tells Travis that he’s the one who put them in the raft. He says they couldn’t risk her companion turning. She says she saw his face and he knew what was going to happen and the right thing to do, but chose the other.

Victor and Daniel see the shipyard and Victor says it’s time to knock on the front door.

Travis tells Alex that he has a son who watches him and he tries not to be a part of the violence. He says he can’t tell her what she wants to hear and he’s no better than the man who cut the rope. He says he had to do the same thing to his son’s mother that she did to the guy in the raft. He asks if they can be more than what they’ve become and she says she doesn’t know. He asks what’s gong to happen to her. She says Connor said he could use her, but people don’t use her.

Reed talks to Chris through the door and stupid Chris engages. Reed says Connor has plans for his sister and Chris asks if he needs to gag Reed. Reed says Chris doesn’t look like either of his parents and they have being outsiders in common. He tells Chris to be prepared, because when the time comes, the people he calls his family will put him down like a stray.

Nick comes along and asks Chris what’s wrong. Chris says if he had pulled the trigger none of this would have happened and they’d be in Mexico. Nick tells him it’s not his fault.

Alicia goes downstairs and sees Travis. She tells him that the Abigail is nearby and it’s too soon for them to have gone to Mexico and back. She says Jack wants out too and is going to help. Travis tells her not to do anything stupid. Jack comes down and says they have to leave.

On the Abigail, Connor radios Reed and tells him to dock. Madison says he can have his brother when she gets her family back. He asks what they did with Reed and she says nothing — yet. She says he’s alive, but if Connor wants him, he has to trade her family for Reed. Connor says okay. Nick says he’ll go, but Madison tells Connor she’ll see him in an hour.

Oops! Too late. Chris shot Reed. He tells Ofelia that Reed was going to turn, but that’s highly debatable. Luis says they’re going south, but Daniel says no. Chris tells Madison that Reed was going to turn. She says he doesn’t know that, but he insists he did. He tells her the gun is Reed’s and she takes it from him. He says he hopes he didn’t screw anything up and she says they’ll figure it out.

Connor tells Jack to get the girl and that the plans have changed. Travis wants to see his family and Connor tells him soon.

Ofelia tells Nick that Chris said Reed was going to turn. Well, either he lied or didn’t do a good enough job, because Reed just turned. Nick is about to put him down, but Daniel says not yet and pushes Reed back so that he’s stuck to the wall by the pole that’s through his middle. I was just thinking that my plan would be to let him turn and then give him back to his brother.

Daniel puts a sack over Reed’s head. Ofelia comes in and says it’s time.

Jack can’t find Alicia who’s hiding in a cupboard.

Nick tells Madison he’s better with the boat and the rest of them need her. She says no and he asks why. She says because he wants to. Daniel loads Reed into the boat and Madison takes off. Nick and Victor are looking at the shore through binoculars and Nick says he only sees Travis.

Pregnant Girl confronts Alicia and says she can stay in the cage. Alicia knocks her down and locks her in. Nice work. On the dock, Madison asks where her daughter is. Connor says she’ll get her when he sees his brother is okay. Alicia shoves Reed at him and he gets bitten. The guy with him starts to come after Madison, but Travis head butts him which is pretty impressive since his hands are bound

Jack asks Alicia what’s going on and she says her family came for her. Jack asks if that’s who she really wants to be with. He says they’re going to abandon her. She says sorry, and jumps off the boat into the water. Travis hauls her into the lifeboat. They leave as Alicia gazes at Jack who I guess turned out to be an okay guy

Next week, Daniel gets violent, the group heads for Mexico, Madison says they have to hide.

Shahs of Sunset

Camping — night one. MJ is looking for a corkscrew. Reza is doing some grilling and it looks mighty tasty. GG asks how everyone is doing and Shervin says how much he loves the place and thanks her for bringing them. GG tells Mike her anger isn’t about a particular thing. She says they go way back and he’s always talked down to her. He says it’s something he has to work on and realizes that he needs to fix that. He says ill feelings are toxic to him and he wants to let it go.

Reza says the talk is giving him hope. GG and Mike hug. In his interview, Reza says he hopes we enjoyed that heartfelt moment, because now we’re going to be led down another road.

Reza plants a false-positive pregnancy test and a map to a Mexican clinic, along with a few pesos, in MJ’s purse. Shervin tells MJ they just found all this in her purse. Although he doesn’t explain what they were doing with her purse in the first place. MJ says there weren’t even enough pesos to get a morning after pill, never mind a clinic.

Mike is on the phone with Jessica and the others keep trying to get him to hang up and join them. He tells MJ that Jessica comes first and asks her to have his back. They rejoin the group and MJ suggests a family meeting. Reza brings up how MJ discouraged his wedding idea. He says he loves her, but wishes she knew that no matter how the pie was sliced, the pieces were equal. I have no idea what he means by that. GG is drunk and making no sense. She says she’s done with people and doesn’t want to talk. She asks Shervin to make her a beer with hot sauce and lime, and tells Asa to go away. The girls go to bed. Reza says he realizes that the Mike and GG moment is all he’s getting tonight. The guys start goofing around and Reza chases Mike and Shervin around with the liquid poopy.

Reza makes breakfast. Asa says instead of an intervention, they had pranks. Asa has some things planned for them. She’s signed them up for some kind of obstacle rope course to challenge GG. They take the RV to wherever the course is. Mike tells the friends about trouble in paradise at home.

GG says the obstacle course looks challenging, although I would use the word impossible. She’s still recovering from her hand surgery, but she’s going to do it anyway. Everyone is encouraging. Reza says the course is representative of their lives and GG needs someone to help her. She makes it through the first course. She has to stop, but says she did a lot more than she thought she could. Asa is proud. The others do the second course and I’m exhausted just watching. The instructor has told them that only 10% finish the third one. Mike encourages Reza. This one looks scary. They’re doing a hand over hand thing going across at it’s very high up.

Afterwards for some relaxation, they do ziplining. Reza says it seems like old times.

Reza asks if they can keep an eye on GG’s drinking, since she was incoherent the night before. GG is puzzled that he should bring this up now, since they just spent an amazing time together. MJ says that the course brought up a lot of emotion and she realizes her mother has always played it safe in life. She says that when her mother is being impossible, it’s just that she doesn’t know how to do it any other way. She says Vida once got her heart broken and now she takes no risks. She says her life choices are different from those of her parents.

They stop at a restaurant, but GG isn’t hungry. Reza proposes that GG make a toast. He asks why she’s so quiet and she says she’s choosing to be. She says if anybody has a feeling of any sort to tell her, not discuss it among themselves. Reza says she gets angry when she doesn’t like something and she says it’s better than talking behind someone’s back. MJ says the talk she and GG had was disappointing and right now she doesn’t want GG to be at her funeral because her soul will affect the dirt. That’s a new one to me. In his interview, Mike says GG is a little girl trapped in a woman’s body.

The Shahs build a fire and Mike shoos a coyote away. Reza says ghosts and coyotes don’t mess with Persians. Mike tells Reza that he was a little aggressive with GG. He tells GG that being vulnerable isn’t bad and sometimes your friends can point out things you don’t see. She says her future has changed because of her arthritis. She doesn’t even know if she should have children for fear of passing it along. Mike says she has to fight. GG says she’s had it for five years and did everything right, but she’s giving up now. She says she can’t sit with her own thoughts any more and doesn’t know how to reach out.

Shervin says they want the GG back that they used to know. He tells her that some people who couldn’t be there wrote letters. One of the letters is from her dad, but she says she’s not ready for that. She tells him that she’s not strong enough. Shervin says if the letter makes her upset, she can punch him, and she agrees if she can punch him in the nuts. For Shervin’s sake, that had better be a happy letter.

Shervin reads the letter and it’s very sweet. GG says it’s a rush of emotions that she can’t hide. Asa says everyone believes in her and GG says in a weird way, she’s happy. She says it was time to listen to what her friends had to say. Mike says she’s now opened her mind to the universe and allowed knowledge to come in and guide her. Hugs all around.

GG says she thinks the trip was good for everyone and at the end of the day they’re a loving, dysfunctional family.

Next week, Shervin goes on a date, MJ tells her mother that she wants a baby, and Mike screws up with Jessica, which probably isn’t hard to do.

Game of Thrones

So now that the question of Jon Snow’s death has been answered, we might as well not watch this anymore. Just kidding.

Davos sees Jon sit up. Jon checks himself out and sees all the stab wounds. He tries to get up, and wobbles, but Davos catches him. Davos asks what he remembers and he says they all stabbed him and he shouldn’t be there. The Red Woman asks what he saw after he died and he says nothing. She says the Lord let him come back for a reason and that Stannis wasn’t the promised king, but someone has to be.

Davos says it seems crazy to him, so he can imagine how it must seem to Jon. Jon wonders why he came back, but Davos says it doesn’t matter. Jon says he thought he’d done the right thing, but he failed.

Edd and the Castle Black gang are milling around outside. Jon and Davos come out. Tormund tells Jon they think he’s some kind of god and Jon says he isn’t. Tormund makes a joke about Jon’s weenie not being so godlike. Edd asks if it’s still him in there and Jon says he thinks so.

Gilly, Sam and the baby are at sea when a storm brews up. Sam isn’t feeling well and Gilly tries to make jokes. Sam throws up. Gilly says she can’t wait to see Oldtown. Sam says there’s no women there, so they’re going to his hometown. He says his mother will take care of her, but Gilly reminds him that he’d said they’d be together. He says he cares about Gilly and the baby and wants them to be safe. She says if he thinks that’s for the best, she trusts him. Sam gets sick again.

Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven are having a vision. Bran sees his father as a younger man. Ned asks why the Kingsguards didn’t protect their king and asks where his sister is. Ser Arthur Dayne says now it begins, but Ned says now it ends. Ned’s men dispatch the Kingsguards pretty quickly until only Ser Dayne is left. Bran said that his father told him Ser Dayne was the best swordsman ever and apparently so, since he was surrounded two seconds ago and now it’s just him and Ned. Ned loses his sword and Howland comes up from behind and stabs Ser Dayne in the back. Ned finishes him off. Bran realizes this isn’t the story Ned told about it.

Ned starts going up the steps to a tower where Lyanna is and Bran calls out to him. Ned pauses and the Raven wakes Bran. Bran says he wants to see what’s in the tower. The Raven says if he stays too long in a place, he might not return. Bran says it beats sitting in a tree with an old guy. The Raven says he won’t be there forever, but for now he must learn. Everything.

Dany travels with the Dothraki to the place where widowed Khaleesis go. A woman is tending a fire and Dany gets stripped of her clothing and jewelry. She says they’ve made a mistake. The woman says she’s young and will learn — if they decide to keep her. She says Dany went out into the world after Khal Drago died and that is forbidden.

Varys meets with a woman who helped the Sons of the Harpy with their murder spree. She says if he’s going to torture her, get on with it, but he just wants answers. He says she helped the Sons of the Harpy to murder the unsullied and the queen’s guards. She says they were interlopers who didn’t belong there. He says he looks at it differently. He tells her she conspired to kill the queen’s soldiers and how will her son get on without his mother? She says if she talks, she’ll be killed, so either way she’s dead. Varys says there’s a third option, a boat sailing at dawn. She needs to decide if she wants a new life for her and her son.

Tyrion meets with Grey Worm and Missandei. He wonders what they could talk about to pass the time. He asks what they usually talk about and Grey Worm says his patrols. Tyrion says that’s a report not a conversation. He says they should play a game and Grey Worm says games are for children. Tyrion tries to think of a game that doesn’t involve drinking.

Varys comes back and tells them that the soldiers came from other cities. Grey Worm says they’ll have to leave to fight them, but Tyrion says they need him here.

Qyburn is talking to a group of children. They are Varys’s “little birds.” He gives them sweets and says he might want to hear some chirping. Ser Gregor comes in with Jaime and Cersei. The children leave and Qyburn says they’re Cersei’s little birds now. She gives him a list of things she wants to know about.

Olenna is sitting with the small counsel who are pissed at Varys. Cersei comes in and asks why Olenna is there. She says for one thing, they have her granddaughter imprisoned. Cersei says she’s glad Olenna brought it up because she wants to whine about her own indignities that she suffered. Olenna says Margaery is the queen, not Cersei. The head guy says they can’t make her leave, but she can’t make them stay either and they all walk out.

Tommen approaches the High Sparrow about Cersei seeing her daughter’s resting place. The High Sparrow says she hasn’t completely atoned yet. Tommen says as king he orders it. The High Sparrow says Cersei is deceptive, but when she speaks about Tommen, her mother’s love shines through. He says when she made her walk of atonement, she did it to get back to Tommen. He says a true leader avails himself of the wisest council he can and no one is wiser than the gods. He says the best they can do is help each other bring out the good in themselves.

The Waif asks Arya about her family. She asks where her family is now and Arya doesn’t know. She asks about The Hound and Arya says he’s dead. She says he was on Arya’s death list, but was taken off. The Waif asks if she doesn’t want him dead anymore and Arya says she does and she doesn’t. (Is this a foreshadowing?) The Waif asks for her death list, but thinks it’s too short. Arya asks what name she’d like on it. The conversation is interspersed with Arya getting trounced by The Waif.

Jaqen comes in and The Waif leaves. He says if Arya tells him her name, she can have her eyes back. He gives her something to drink and says if she is truly no one, she has nothing to fear. She drinks it and can see again. He asks who she is and she says no one.

One of the lords comes to Winterfell to talk to Ramsay. Ramsay asks why he’s there and he says that Wildings came through the wall. Ramsay says to pledge his loyalty to House Bolton and they’ll fight together. The lord says he’s not bowing down to Ramsay, but he has a gift for him. It’s Rickon Stark along with Osha. Ramsay asks how he knows that’s him and the lord shows him the head of Rickon’s direwolf. Ramsay tells Rickon, welcome home.

Jon has the men who stabbed him hanged. He asks if they have any last words. One says he shouldn’t be alive, it’s not right, and Jon says neither was killing him. Ser Aliser says he had a choice to betray him or betray the Night’s Watch, and that Jon brought Wildings into their space. Jon ponders a little while everyone watches, and then cuts the rope and the floor drops out. Pretty fancy.

Jon gives his cloak to Edd telling him he has Castle Black now. Jon’s watch has ended. Well, technically, he died, so that is an out.

Next week, Peter wants to find Sansa, Theon goes home, and Ser Jorah finds Dany.

May 1, 2016 — Leaving the Underworld, Leaving for Mexico, Leaving in an RV & What About Jon Snow?

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Regina says she’s trying to trust Zelena. Hades pops in and says he needs their help. He went to meet Zelena for their date and found a ransom note from Pan. He wants Belle’s unborn child returned to her. Hades says he’ll give Pan what he wants, but he wants Emma to help. He says it’s her fault they’re all there in the first place, so he’ll remove their names off the headstones if she helps him.

In the past, Emma goes to a restaurant and shows the employees an article about a baby who was found, trying to find out who was involved. They don’t have any information, so Emma sits down with some food. A stranger sits down with her and says she’s the baby, isn’t she? She says she sees someone who robbed some convenience stores in Phoenix and ran. Emma runs again, but her car won’t go anywhere because it has a boot on it. The stranger approaches her car.

Hades goes to the diner and Pan arrives, poof! in a cloud of red smoke. Zelena is with him, as well as Gold. Hades rips up the baby contract. Pan says they can have Zelena back, except for her heart. Zelena says there’s a protection spell on it. Pan thinks that’s no problem, but when he tries to take it, Emma blows him back wit ha bolt of magic.

Gold splits and Pan follows, poof! in a cloud of red smoke. I guess Zelena got the green smoke first. Hades tells Zelena he’d do anything for her. They kiss and Emma goes ♫ la-la-la ♫. Suddenly Hades heart is beating again. He realizes his punishment is over and he can leave. He tells Emma there will be a portal to Storybrooke at the graveyard but it will close at sunset. Emma says he needs to keep his end of the bargain, so they’ll all be going home.

The group gathers at the graveyard. Regina tells Hades to get on with it and he removes the names. Zelena says she told them love could change him, but Hook (of all people) doesn’t buy it. Regina takes Emma’s heart to give to Hook, but it doesn’t work. Hades says his soul must have left him when he died. Emma asks if no one has ever come back. Hades says there was a rumor about someone once.

The stranger, Cleo Fox, takes Emma to a hotel room and handcuffs her to the bed. She says she’ll be right back and while she’s in the bathroom, Emma slips the cuffs and goes through Cleo’s wallet. She sees a picture of a little girl. She’s about to leave and sees some kind of tracking site on the laptop. Cleo comes back and Emma is still there. Emma says she’ll go with her to Phoenix

Hades says that it’s rumored that Orpheus used ambrosia to bring Eurydice back to life. He creates an elevator. He says it goes to the field of ambrosia under the Underworld because you can’t go there in a puff of smoke (ha-ha!). He takes Emma’s heart and gives it to her in a bag for safekeeping. She says if she’s not back by sunset, everyone is to leave without her.

Gold kisses the sleeping Belle. Nothing happens. Pan says despite Gold’s abandoning him, he accepts Gold for who he is even if Belle doesn’t. Gold says he’s only concerned with getting Belle home so her father can wake her. Pan says he didn’t get the heart he was promised. He says he’ll give Gold a Pandora’s Box he can take Belle home in, but he wants that heart first.

Henry is impatient. Regina says they’ll go as soon as Emma gets back. Henry asks about Operation Firebird and how they were supposed to help the others who are there. Hades says once they’re gone, the Underworld will turn into what it was supposed to be, but Henry says the people with unfinished business don’t even know what the unfinished business is.

Robin shows up with Zelena’s baby. He’s afraid they’re going to be tricked. Regina tells him to give the baby to Zelena so they can wait for the portal to open. He’s reluctant, but hands the baby over. Zelena leaves with the baby.

Robin says he needs a moment and leaves the room. Gold is there and says he won’t remember any of this and takes his heart.

Hook and Emma take the elevator down.

Emma and Cleo are at the town records department. A clerk gives Emma a file, but there’s only the same article she had in it. Emma thinks that there should be more information. Cleo wants to get going. She tells Emma she kept her word, and now Emma should keep hers. She says it’s Arizona, not hell. Although I have a friend who lives in Phoenix who might beg to differ. She starts whining about the heat in April.

Henry is giving out reference sheets with each person’s unfinished business. Cruella comes by and Regina says she doesn’t think Cruella will go to a happy place once her business is done. Cruella says she doesn’t want to leave. She wants to be the next ruler when Hades goes. David tells her there won’t be any people there to rule because the unfinished business will be done. She says they’re all staying there, because it’s Henry’s fault that she wasn’t brought back to life. Regina says Cruella doesn’t have the magic to keep them there. The blind witch from Hansel and Gretel comes out of the crowd and says she does. She blows them into the nearest building and locks them in. Regina tries throwing a fireball at the door, but it doesn’t work. Cruella says they’ll be released after sunset.

Hook and Emma come to a scale that says only those with true hearts can pass through. Emma says she’ll have to weigh her heart to see if her love for him is true. Hook asks why she can only admit how she feels when one of them is facing certain death? Emma puts her heart on the scale. Nothing happens, but then Emma collapses. She tells Hook to get her heart, but he’s suddenly on fire. Emma struggles to her feet and grabs him. Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner.

Emma sneaks out of the hotel room and back to the hall where the records are kept. Cleo stops her. She asks Emma what good would it be to find out about her parents now and that she should move forward. As they’re leaving, the police arrive. Cleo kicks out a window and they jump out.

Emma and hook go under the Underworld, but there’s only a tree stump and the ambrosia are dead. Hook says he knew they couldn’t trust Hades and that Hades didn’t want them going back.

Regina says that the blind witch’s spells are always half-baked and it must be Hades that wants them to stay. Hades and Zelena are at the portal. Zelena doesn’t want to leave without Regina, but Hades says they have to go for the baby’s sake, and they step through.

Pan tells Gold they’re running out of time. Gold tells him to have patience.

Emma is trying to find a scrap of ambrosia. The earth starts to shake and Hook says they’ll find a way out, but they have to go.

Cleo collapses bleeding. The glass from the window has cut her. She tells Emma to leave. Emma says she has to live for her daughter. Cleo says her daughter doesn’t know who she is and she took the picture without her knowledge. The cops pull up and Emma jets.

Hook says he’s not going to leave with Emma. She says she’s not going back without him and he says she has no choice. He says they both know they had more time than they were meant to. Emma doesn’t want to say good-by. Hook says don’t. Emma tells him not to make her his unfinished business. Emma goes into the elevator and they kiss through the gate, proclaiming their love.

Emma goes into a dress shop and shows a clerk the picture from Cleo’s wallet, saying she knew her birth mother, Cleo Fox. She thought Tasha would want to know where she came from. Tasha asks if her mother is looking for her, but Emma has to tell her that Cleo is dead. She sees a jacket exactly like Cleo’s and buys it. She says it might work.

In the underworld, Emma goes back up to the others. She says she’ll explain later what happened with Hook. Regina tells her that they can’t leave. Emma says the ambrosia wasn’t there and Hook wanted to make sure they got out even if he couldn’t. Regina says let’s give him his wish.

Regina and Emma blast the door open together. Henry leaves the folder of unfinished business instructions.

Pan tells Gold they don’t want to miss their ticket home. Gold gives him the heart, but something is wrong. Gold says he knew Pan and his shadow would be watching, so when they weren’t looking he gave Robin back his heart and replaced it with a heart filled with water from the River of Souls. He’s going to make sure Pan never gets his happy ending. Pan disappears, poof! in a cloud of white and green smoke. Gold tells him, “Good by, poppa, for good this time.”

Gold puts Belle in the box and heads for the portal, and steps through. The others are right behind him, but it’s closing. They go through, but Emma looks back, saying she got the jacket for protection. The ground starts to shake and she and David go through. Boy, is Hades going to be surprised.

Next time, Hades is in Storybrooke, Regina says they’ll do what they have to in order to protect the town, and someone dies, breaking the heart of Storybrooke forever. I’m wondering if it’s Henry.

Fear the Walking Dead

That was a bit of a depressing fairy tale, so yay! zombies!

Nick washes up on shore, nakey, carrying his clothing. A helicopter flies over heard. He pulls his clothing on and enters into a tent city where the words save us are in front on the ground. It looks deserted. We see our first zombie of the evening. Nick makes noise, trying to see if anyone is alive and distracts the zombie. He goes into a tent and zips it up. The zombie can see him but not get in. He stabs it in the head and drags it into the tent. Question mark over my head.

Oh, wait, I see what he’s doing. He guts the zombie and puts the mess all over himself.

Travis is complaining about Victor to Madison. She asks him what he’s going to do. Travis suggests throwing Victor in the ocean. but Madison says they need him. Travis says they’ll survive without him and she says she wants to do more than survive. Travis feels responsible for the people in the life raft.

Chris and Ofelia can’t sleep. Chris asks if she’s ever been to Mexico and she says no. They talk about relationships. Chris says he had a girlfriend, but they lost touch when his family moved. Ofelia tells him there are still girls on the planet and he says that’s what he’s banking on.

Another life raft comes by with two men and a pregnant woman who is in distress. Chris asks Ofelia if he should shoot them. (What?) They get on the boat before anyone can do anything. Everyone is awake now. The guy says they lost their engine and have been drifting for days. Victor gets his gun.

Madison takes the woman to her room. Alicia goes up to the deck. She recognizes one of the guys as Jack. The three take over the boat. Other guy, Reed, tells Chris if he has to ask if he should shoot, somebody should be dead. He tells Alicia to tie up Daniel and says to look for Nick. Victor leaves in a lifeboat and Reed shoots at him, saying if he didn’t get him the hypothermia will.

Back in the day, Victor is at a bar watching the news about Hurricane Katrina and talking to another patron, Thomas, about their families. He’s says he’s there to buy real estate since it will be low. Victor says he bought before the storm. Thomas says he’s an opportunist and Victor says maybe he’s optimistic. Thomas says he’s a parasite, but thanks.

Victor gets a drunk Thomas back to his hotel room, getting him a water and taking off his jacket. Thomas passes out and Victor goes through his wallet. Thomas comes to for a second and says maybe he won’t remember. Victor takes stuff from the wallet.

Out at sea, Victor is trying to get it together.

Reed asks who has the key to the boat. Ofelia tells him he shot the captain. Reed holds a gun to Chris’s head and says they have until five to tell him where the key is. Travis says Victor has the keys, but he can start the boat without them. Man, so I want to smack Reed around.

Pregnant woman comes out with Madison. Daniel tells her what happened with Victor. Reed tells Travis to come start the boat and for Jack to take Alicia. Madison objects, but Alicia says it’s her fault. Alicia calls Jack out about deceiving her. He promises she’ll be safe and says their leader,Connor, listens to him.

Nick is strolling around covered in zombie guts. It must really stink. He goes into a town and tests out his disguise. Works fine.

In the past, Victor is chilling in his hotel room and there’s a knock at the door. It’s Thomas and his friend, Luis. Thomas asks where all the money went, since it obviously wasn’t on wardrobe. Victor says he purchased credit card debt, which is how he started before. Thomas thinks he can do better. Victor says if he wants a return on his investment, he’ll get it with interest. Thomas tells him to meet him downstairs at the bar. Victor says thanks for the pardon, but Thomas says he didn’t pardon him, he obligated him.

Back in the water, Victor struggles to stay afloat and loses his phone.

Travis works on getting the boat running while Reed acts like a pita. Travis tells him it’s computerized and he’ll have to override it from the engine room.

Madison wonders where Nick is. She says there’s only three of them and asks Daniel if he can get loose. He tells her to distract the woman. Reed goes by with Travis, who says he’ll have them going in an hour. Reed says they only have 30 minutes. Madison starts to talk to the woman about her pregnancy.

In the engine room, Reed tells Travis to walk him through it. He says when Connor shows up, he’d better have it running.

Jack calls Connor who says he can’t wait to meet Alicia. Alicia asks Jack if anything he said was true. He says versions of it. She asks about his girlfriend. He says when his brother died, Connor saved him. She asks how many people came before her and how many are alive. Jack says he’s sorry and he doesn’t enjoy any of this, which doesn’t answer the question. Alicia says Victor is no better than Reed and maybe they found each other for a reason. He asks her to come back with him and she says not without her family. He says Connor doesn’t take just anyone. She says she’ll come back with him if he protects her family and she knows they’re safe. He cuts her bonds. She hugs him.

Nick is still wandering around covered in gore. He knocks on a door and a guy comes up behind him with a gun. Nick says don’t shoot.

The guy is Thomas’s friend, Luis. Nick explains he had boat trouble and asks Luis what this place was. He says it was going to be a gated community. but it never got finished. He tells Nick he’s headed to Mexico and tells him to wash up before he gets in the car.

Madison asks when the last time was the baby moved. She says she lost a baby between Nick and Alicia. Pregnant Girl says she’s healthy and Madison says if the baby died she might have turned. Yikes! Pregnant Girl says don’t tempt her to shoot and toss her overboard. Travis and Reed come in. Madion says what if the baby is born dead and Pregnant Girl hits her. Reed tells her Connor might need Madison, so knock it off.

Nick tries to talk Luis into taking everyone, but he says he has transit and money (are people still using that?) for two, that’s what Vincent and he had planned for. He tells Nick that his mother worked for Thomas and is already at the house.

At Thomas’s place, he and Victor are chillaxin’ by the pool. Victor wants to talk business, but Thomas is like, not now. Victor says it will be hard to get back to reality but if they don’t move on the parcel of land, someone else will. Thomas says why bother? He says his place and his money are enough. He says his place makes him feel like the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

Reed tells Travis that his timing is great and Connor wants to meet him. Connor and some others board the boat. Connor says he wants Travis and Madison to come with him and they’ll get the others to shore. They put hoods over Travis and Alicia’s heads and leave.

Reed says Connor has leadership skills, but is lacking in other areas. Nick is out in a small boat with the Luis and sees that there are people on the boat with guns. Luis shoots one of them. Daniel gets loose and Chris stabs Reed. Nick and Luis board the boat. Madison explains what happened to Victor and says he has to find Travis and Alicia. Luis says without Victor, they can’t get into Mexico.

In the past, Victor tells Thomas he’ll close quick and be right back. Oooh, they have a romantic relationship. I kinda thought so at the pool.

Victor is floating in the water and sees Madison coming in a lifeboat. She pulls him in.

Next time, Connor comes looking for Reed, Luis says there’s no getting Travis back, and Victor says he’ll get them to Mexico.

Shahs of Sunset

Asa gives GG some homemade spicy sauce. She says it’s the glue that holds them all together. She asks what’s going on with GG. GG says she and MJ can’t seem to get along anymore. She tells Asa about their last meeting which did not go well. Asa says they have to remember why they love each other. GG says they should go on a camping trip. She says it’s her absolute favorite thing to do, which I never would have guessed.

They call Reza and tell him they want to go camping. He says he’s excited, which I also wouldn’t have guessed. Asa is hoping GG has an epiphany on the trip.

MJ is revamping her real estate career. She and Tommy are getting new business cards for her. MJ wants to make a load of money so they can start a family. She wants to be the Condo Queen of WeHo and Tommy suggests incorporating that on the card and tells her she should put a crown on it. The clerk suggests just putting “Condo Queen” on the card.

MJ tells Tommy how she messed up at Shabbat, telling about Reza’s surprise wedding plans and now Reza is mad at her. She says she thinks a surprise wedding is a lousy idea, but she’ll be supportive if he goes through with it.

Mike and Jessica still aren’t divorced yet. Jessica says she got her phone bill and it’s over $500. She’s never paid her own phone bill before. Then she talks about buying a tea set for 5 grand. Mike says no matter how hard he works, he can’t get ahead of the spending. They sit down to eat and Jessica tells Mike to get off the phone and that he has a problem. She says she doesn’t ask much and Mike says she asks for a lot. He says he’s texting someone about his business and she’s giving him attitude. She calls him a drama queen. Really? He said it in a normal tone of voice. She’s a whackjob.

Asa is working with her assistant on her caftan business. She says her next step is being a defined brand and they need to create a lookbook for retailers. Her mother is a nurse who wants to semi-retire and work for her. She says working with your family isn’t the easiest thing.

Asa’s father says they just got their 2000th order. Asa says they’ve been through a lot together as a family and are totally bonded. She wants to make sure her parents’ lives are amazing. They all have champagne.

MJ and Tommy take Vida to drag bingo. MJ is co-hosting and using it as a vehicle for her business. Jessica has to explain how to play bingo to Asa, who is in love with the pens. MJ is introduced. Asa thinks the game is stressful. Vida thinks she won, but didn’t and a false bingo gets a spanking. MJ lets Vida spank her instead.

Reza meets Mike for drinks. He’s thrilled that their friendship is back on track. He asks Mike how his married sex life is. Mike thinks his grandparents have more sex. Reza says Mike’s “dool” has ADD and if it doesn’t get a lot of action, it goes out looking for trouble like a kid. Mike says that women are more interested in him now that he’s married. Reza doesn’t think he should be out clubbing with his single friends.

Reza says GG needs help and tells Mike about the camping trip. They toast to camping and fixing sh*t.

Reza goes to an Army Navy store. He says he wants protection from a crazy friend when they go camping. He says little does GG know that around the fun there’s going to be a GGvention. He thinks about getting a megaphone. Asa meets him there and says a megaphone in the hands of the wrong person would be a bad idea. Reza says he has a bugging people gene. The two of them crack up the clerks.

MJ meets Shervin for coffee. She asks him about the camping trip. Shervin says they’re taking an RV to get to the site. He tells her about the GGvention and MJ says she doesn’t think GG wants help. MJ says if there’s any way of getting the old GG back, she’ll do anything, but suggests they pick a campsite near an emergency room just in case.

Asa is doing a photo shoot for her caftan line at the beach. It’s a beautiful place and the caftans are gorgeous. She wants to get the brand down to five or six pictures. They’re spending 20 to 25 grand and Asa keeps telling her mother to stop distracting the models. After the shoot, Asa takes pictures of her parents. She says they took the greatest risk of their lives leaving Iran and she wants them to “fly” with her.

Let the camping commence! GG says this group isn’t camping material and she thinks Asa might have the most issues because she wants to wear her caftans. Reza checks out the RV, which he says is the Griswald’s vacation RV from 1979. He finds hair and an old rubberband in the shower and even I’m grossed out.

Shervin says GG can barely walk across the street and she’s going to drive. Mike looks pretty nervous. Asa says at every turn and every brake, everything goes flying. Reza decides to start some pranks by covering the toilet with something that looks like…never mind. It smells all the way up to GG and she nearly drives off the road. They pull over and Reza cleans up the mess. It still stinks though. They realize they’re in front of a government building and Reza says it’s not a good look for them to be running from the vehicle. They get back on the road.

MJ sits in the front. GG says it’s uncomfortable, but if you love someone, you don’t want that smell going up their nostrils. The others play cards. Mike says he’s glad to decompress and get away from what’s going on at home.

They get to the campground. They set up the tents. A lot of jokes are made about Mike and GG. Mike has everyone gather in a circle. They hold hands and Mike says he hopes they come back together as a group. He just celebrated Rosh Hashana and hopes it’s a great new year for all of them. They light the fire. Mike says maybe the trip won’t just fix GG, but fix all of them.

Next time, the Shahs go ziplining, MJ might be pregnant, and the GGvention happens.

Game of Thrones

The Three-Eyed Raven guides Bran (remember him? he’s a lot bigger now) through a vision of days long before his accident. He sees Hodor as a young man before he only said “Hodor!” The Three-Eyed Raven says it’s time to go. Bran tells him that he finally showed Bran something he cared about and then dragged him away. The Raven says it’s beautiful under the sea too, but it can drown you.

Bran tells Hodor he saw him as a boy and wonders what happened.

Bran tells Meera that it’s not safe to be outside the cave. Bran says the Raven saw there’s a war coming and she asks if they’re going to fight it in the cave. Hodor takes Bran back in. A tree fairy tells Meera that Bran needs her.

At Castle Black, Aliser tells Davos to open the door and let the soldiers in. He won’t and they break down the door. Davos and the others have their swords drawn. Attention is diverted though, when a giant breaks down the door at the wall and busts in with a load of Wildings. He’s pretty freaking big, so they give up really fast. Aliser calls Edd a traitor and Edd says the only traitors are the ones who killed Jon Snow. Edd has them put into cells where they belong.

Tormund and Edd see Jon’s body. Edd says he’ll have his men make a funeral pyre.

The news of Cersei’s walk of shame is being told among the peasants. A stand-up comic is saying that she was only used to her brother’s junk and thought he was the bomb. Yeah, right. Has he seen Jaime? Afterward, he gets his head smashed in by The Mountain.

Cersei comes out, but the soldiers won’t let her go. The king has commanded she stay in the Red Keep for her safety. She wants to go to Myrcella’s funeral, but the Tommen has left the Keep, so she can’t even talk to him.

Tommen and Jaime hold vigil by Myrcella’s body. Jaime asks why Tommen wouldn’t let Cercei come. Tommen says she’s not allowed in a sept. Jaime says everything Cersei did, she did for him. Tommen is embarrassed that he did nothing for Margaery or Cersei to protect them.

High Sparrow Jonathan Pryce comes in and tells him that they’re still waiting for Margaery to confess. Jaime tells Tommen to go see his mother. He tells the High Sparrow that he’s a brave man and the Sparrow says he fears a lot of things. Jaime says he humiliated his sister. Sparrow says she’s paying for her sins and Jaime asks what atonement he deserves.

Jaime takes out his sword and the High Sparrow asks if he’d spill blood in a holy place. Jaime says the gods have spilt more blood than anyone. The High Sparrow crew comes out and Jaime says they should be closer if they want to save him. The High Sparrow says each on his own is powerless but together they can throw over an empire. He leaves and Jaime ponders that.

Cersei looks out from the Red Keep. Tommen comes in. She asks what gown Myrcella is in. Tommen says he’s sorry for keeping her away, but he didn’t want to lose her again. He says he knows he should have come sooner and was wrong not to. He says he should have executed all of them and that she would have for him. He says he’s not strong, but he wants to be, and asks her to help him.

Grey Worm tells Tyrion they couldn’t find who burned the ships. Varys says they can’t overpower all of them. Tyrion asks about the dragons, and Missandei tells him they’ve refused to eat since Dany left. Tyrion says they must be unchained or they’ll waste away as they don’t do well in captivity. He asks if they’ve ever harmed Misandei and she says no. Tyrion says dragons are good to their friends and it’s time they had their supper.

He goes with Varys to where the dragons are chained. I have heart attacks over these dragons. I’m always worried something is going to happen to them. The dragons snarl at Tyrion who seems more fascinated than afraid. He tells them he’s a friend of their mother’s and is there to help and please don’t eat the help. He tells them a story about how he wanted a dragon as a boy. He says when his father told him the last dragon had died over a century ago, he cried himself to sleep, but here they are. He removes their chains. Poor things. Tyrion leaves and tells Varys next time he has an idea like that to punch him in the face. I love Tyrion.

The Waif starts beating on Arya again, asking what her name is. When Arya says “no one,” the Waif says she doesn’t believe it and neither does anyone else. The Waif disappears and Arya is fighting alone. Jaqen asks her name and she says she has no name. He says if the girl says her name, she’ll get fed and get her eyes back. Arya repeats that she has no name.

Jaqen tells her to leave her begging bowl as she’s no longer a begger.

Ramsay has to tell Roose about the guys getting killed who went after Sansa. He says with a small force they could take over Castle Black and murder Jon Snow. A little late for that. He says it’s time for new blood in The North. Roose says if you acquire a reputation as a mad dog you’ll be treated like one.

A page comes in to announce the birth of Roose’s son. Ramsay congratulates him and says he looks forward to meeting his new brother. Roose says Ramsay will always be his first born. Ramsay thanks Roose and then stabs him. I did not see that coming. I’m assuming baby brother isn’t far behind. He tells the page to send ravens telling everyone Roose is dead and was poisoned by his enemies. He tells him to send for Lady Walda and the baby.

Ramsay asks to hold the baby. Lady Walda asks if Ramsay has seen Lord Bolton. Ramsay tells her to follow him. No doubt to certain death. She asks where Ramsay’s father is. He says he’s Lord Bolton now. Walda tells him she’ll leave and go back to the riverland. She says the baby is his brother and he says he prefers being an only child and lets his crazy ass dogs loose on her.

Brienne tells Sansa about seeing Arya. She says she looked good, but wasn’t exactly dressed like a lady. She asks Sansa what happened at Winterfell. Sansa says she should have gone with Brienne when she had the chance, but Brienne says it was a difficult choice and they’ve all had to make them.

Theon tells Sansa they should be moving. Sansa says once they get to Castle Black, they’ll be safe. Theon says Jon will kill him and there’s no way to make amends for what he’s done to her family. She says she’ll make sure he’s safe and he tells her he would have died to get her to The Wall. He asks to take one of the horses and she asks where he’s going. He says home.

Balon is arguing with Yara on how to run things. She says they can defeat anyone at sea, but not so much on shore. Balon says they shouldn’t be sending their men on fool’s missions, but she says she’s not apologizing for trying to rescue Theon. He tells her to shut up and follow his orders, or he’ll find another heir who will.

He goes out on some rickety bridge in the wind. Someone is there and he tells them to move aside for their king. The figure says hasn’t he always for his brother? Balon supposed he was dead, but his brother says dead men never die and that he is the Drowned God. Balon tries to get across and his brother tells him he’s had his time, now let someone else rule. Balon reminds him of a storm that he freaked out during and asks what kind of Ironborn loses his mind during a storm. Balon gets tossed of the bridge. Bye, old dude.

No surprise, burial at sea. Yara says she’ll kill whoever did this. Another old dude tells her that perhaps she’ll be the first woman to rule the Ironborn, but perhaps not.

Davos visits the Red Woman. He says he’s there about the Lord Commander. She says the former Lord Commander and Davos asks if he has to be. He asks if she knows of any magic to bring him back, but she says to leave it alone. She says she met a man who came back from the dead and it wasn’t good. She says the great victory she saw in the flames and everything she believed was a lie. She says Davos was right. Davos says he was never a devout man and he’s not asking the Lord of Light for help, he’s asking her.

Will the fans get what they wanted?

The Red Woman bathes Jon’s body. She clips a lock of his hair while saying some magic words. Then she starts trimming his beard. She anoints his head. Is this a spell or a beauty salon? She lays hands on Jon, speaking some more. We all wait with bated breath.

Oh well, she tried.

Everyone leaves except Davos and Ghost. Davos leaves and Ghost stirs.

Jon opens his eyes and gasps.

Whoa.

Did you know they have a “Wolf Unit?” It’s in the credits.

Next time, Arya becomes no one, Jon is looked upon as a god, and Cersei is after blood.

April 17, 2016 –Oz & the Underworld, Cait & the Dead, the Wives & the Shahs

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Hook wonders what Red would be doing there, but all they have as a clue is a torn piece of gingham.

Back in the Oz day, Mulan and Red are in the forest. Red finds no trace of her pack’s scent and they’re about to leave when they hear a growl. It’s Toto! Dorothy appears and says that Toto only barks when he sees a witch. Red says it must be that she’s part wolf. She makes him nervous and he takes off. The girls start to follow him, but a wind blows up.

Zelena tells Hades to put his name on the card next time. He says she has a visitor from Oz. He says it’s a werewolf who looks good in red. He wonders why Red would chase her all the way here. Zelena says all the goodwill between her and her sister will be undone if Regina learns the truth. Hades suggests she stay and face them. He says they would be quite a team. She says thanks, but no thanks, her time in the Underworld is over. He says either way, he’s taking care of the wolf.

Belle is upset for not showing Gaston mercy and Gold tells her to stop torturing herself. He says she was only trying to protect their daughter. Belle said if she had saved their baby from Hades, she might feel diffrently. Gold says they will get their baby away from Hades.

Red says she used a tracking spell to find Zelena and now she’s made a mess of things. Snow tells her everything will be cool and the ladies all leave to track Zelena down.

Meanwhile, the guys find Cruella instructing one of her thugs rip out the phone that makes calls between the living and the dead. She says it’s not her idea, but Hades doesn’t want any hope in the Underworld. She tells David she’ll let him make a last call if they make a deal. David says no way, and she tells her henchman to rip out the phone.

The girls find Zelena and ask what she did to Dorothy.

In old Oz, Zelena tells Dorothy it looks like she picked up a few strays, meaning Mulan and Red. She says she was banished into the forest and is being kept from her baby. She asks Dorothy where her silver slippers are and she’s holding Toto hostage until she gets them back.

Regina tells Zelena to tell them what she did. Zelena says even she can’t help now and shows them Dorothy in a mirror. She’s put a sleeping curse on Dorothy and she can’t take it off. Only true love’s kiss can do that.

Zelena tells Regina it’s a simple trade, the slippers for her daughter. Regina says just because Zelena made one bad move — or thirty — doesn’t mean she can’t make a good one now. Zelena gives her the slippers and tells her to keep her pep talks. She says she hopes they wake Dorothy.

Regina gives the slippers to Red. Red asks what good they are if there’s no true love to give her a kiss. She says he only one Dorothy ever loved was her Auntie Em. Emma suggests Em might be in the Underworld.

Back in the Oz forest, Red seems to think Toto is more than a pet. Dorothy says when she got back from Oz, her family tried to get her committed, but her Auntie Em believed her and kept that from happening. Before she died, Auntie Em gave her Toto, so just forget the pesky Wizard of Oz story where Toto came along. Red tells her about discovering she was a wolf and accidentally killing her boyfriend. She says she eventually got control. She came to Oz to look for her pack, but isn’t sure the answer is there anymore. She asks what Dorothy is looking for, but Dorothy says she isn’t sure.

In the Underworld, the ladies find Auntie Em’s grave. Regina says leaving the Underworld isn’t so easy, but Snow thinks maybe they can deliver the kiss using the slippers. David comes back with the guys. There’s a lot of talk about leaving and who is going to do what.

Belle goes to see Zelena. She asks for her help as a mother. She says she knows Hades is in love with Zelena, but Zelena says Hades wold never rip up a contract even for her. She asks why she needs her help when she has the Dark One on her side. Belle says he can’t help and Zelena says she knows she’s not going to get her happy ending with Hades or anyone else. Belle is having morning sickness and Zelena says her pregnancy was sped up by dark magic, so she never had that. Belle is concerned that Hades will do the same to her, so he can get her baby more quickly.

Hook pours over a book of the dead. He tells David that the only information he can find out is that Auntie Em died in Kansas. Hook says David’s name isn’t in the book, so he can go, and that Ruby (Red) is his ticket out.

In the old forest, Dorothy says she’s sorry for calling Red “Wolfie.” Red says she kind of likes it and gives Dorothy the nickname “Kansas.” They hear something above the trees. It’s the flying monkeys! Red asks if Dorothy trusts her. When Dorothy says yes, she turns into a wolf.

Red as the wolf, takes off and the monkeys follow. Mulan shows up, asking what happened. Red turns back to herself and asks if Dorothy is okay. Dorothy says she’s just tired and needs sleep. She thinks it might be the poppies that made her tired.

In the Underworld diner, the ladies find Auntie Em. Red tells her Dorothy is alive and needs her help. She’s about to put a kiss into a jar when she dissolves into liquid. Hades says the soup didn’t agree with her, since he put some water from the River of Lost Souls in it. Emma says he wouldn’t be there if he wasn’t scared they might win the fight. He puts the leftovers from Auntie Em in a jar and says this is what happens when you try to help outsiders.

Mulan asks Red what’s up. She says Dorothy asked her what she’s been looking for and she said she didn’t know. She says she thinks she’s been looking for someone like Dorothy and that she’s never felt like this about anyone. Mulan is like, great, what’s wrong? Red says the way Dorothy looked when Red transformed made her think she was appalled. Mulan says maybe Dorothy just didn’t know what to say and don’t make the same mistake she did by waiting to make her feelings known.

Red goes to Dorothy’s place, but can’t find her.

In the Underworld, Red tells Snow there’s nothing else they can do now and says there’s no one to give Dorothy true loves kiss. Snow says maybe Red can. She says she knows Red and why isn’t she on her way? Red says love is a two way street and Dorothy ditched her back in Oz. Red says she’s scared and Snow says that’s a good thing because love is scary, and what you get back outweighs the risk.

The group gathers in the cemetery. Regina gives Red the shoes and tells David to take her hand. Hook says he’s removed Snow’s name from the headstone, and David tells her they traded David’s name for hers. Hook says the names can’t be erased, but they can be changed. David tells Snow to go to their son and he’ll be back before she knows it. David and Snow kiss. Snow takes Red’s hand. Red clicks her heels three times and they’re gone, poof! in a cloud of white smoke.

Hades shows Zelena a freshly bottled Auntie Em. He says Dorothy has no one and he knows how much Zelena hates her. Zelena says Dorothy is going to be asleep forever and what does he get out of it? He dumps the bottle into the River of Lost Souls and says other than Zelena’s happiness, nothing. He says she’s scared he’s going to disappoint her, but she says that’s a chance she’ll have to take. They toast to Dorothy’s eternal slumber.

Meanwhile in OZ, the Munchins and Toto keep vigil over Dorothy with Mulan. Snow and Red pop in. Red approaches Dorothy and kisses her. A wind comes up and Dorothy awakens. Toto barks with happiness.

Red says Dorothy left without saying anything. Dorothy says she was afraid and didn’t want to lose her to Zelena. Dorothy says Red came back for her and Red says she always will. They kiss.

Henry is done with another chapter of the book, and brings it to David. He says Snow made it back to Storybrooke.

Belle comes to Gold’s shop. She says Hades can take their baby any time he wants. She says they have no time, but she can pause everything, including her pregnancy. She has a sleeping thingie and is going to prick her finger and put herself to sleep. Gold balks and says he won’t be able to wake her because he’s not the man she wants him to be. She says he’s not going to wake her, her father is. He says that when he figures things out, he’ll do whatever it takes to get her back to him

Next time, Hades asks Zelena to make chaos with him, David’s evil twin comes back and holds Emma and Robin hostage.

I Am Cait

Cait comes to Kris’s hotel room. She’s getting ready to leave and Cait asks if she has a minute. Kris says it was interesting meeting everyone. She says she’s had some of her friends her entire life and always wondered why “Bruce” never had friends. Cait says she never felt like she fit in anywhere.

Kris says she’s glad Cait is finding happiness, but a lot of sad stuff is going on at home. She gives a list of all the rich people problems the girls have. Some of it involves illness, but all I can think is at least they can afford medical treatment.

Kris says Cait kind of checks out. She says she’s the greatest when she’s present, but when there’s a disconnect, it’s a nightmare. Cait says she doesn’t want to check out on their time together and Kris says she doesn’t want Cait disconnecting from the kids. She says when Kim brought over some of the clothes Cait was getting rid of, it was a sad moment.

Cait tells Kris about her new driver’s license. It says Caitlyn Marie Jenner and the gender says female. Cait says you can go all the way back to your birth certificate and Cait has done that. Kris asks if this means Bruce never exited and she was never married to him? Interesting.

Cait says going forward from here, she would always want Kris in her life, and apologizes for the difficulty and keeping things private. Kris says she understands how frustrating it must have been. Cait says that although their relationship will be different, it will be important. Cait jokes that maybe they can renew their vows someday. Kris asks if she gets another diamond, and Cait says she’ll want one too. They agree it could get complicated and expensive.

Kris says she understands Caitlyn’s journey much better now. They say good-by.

Candis and Kate meet for breakfast. Candis says she had cocktails with Kris the night before and was led down a dark path, which is why she’s wearing sunglasses at breakfast. Kate asks if Candis would like a family. Kate says to be open to different ways it can happen and that she doesn’t need a man. Candis says she has a lot of things gong on and she’d make a great parent, so why wait?

The girls go to a shellfish boil and pardon one of the crayfish. Cait tells the rest of the girls how the talk went with Kris. She toasts to a happy Thanksgiving, so I guess it must be Thanksgiving. Jenny brings out a zither and does a song for the group.

Jenny says Cait has changed throughout the trip. She’s taken responsibility for her mistakes and made a lot of growth. She hopes it doesn’t end when the trip is over.

Kris sends a gingerbread house to Cait. Jenny is impressed. Jenny is meeting her friend, Marci Bowers, a doctor who does gender confirmation surgery (also called genital reassignment) and is also a trans woman. Jenny says she’s never regretted having the surgery, but Cait says she’s uncomfortable with the topic. Jenny thinks Cait makes excuses and needs to find her truth and the words to express that truth. They discuss the surgery and different people’s feelings about it. Jenny suggests Cait talk to Marci.

Cait and Candis go golfing. Cait asks if Candis had fun on the trip. Candis says yes, and it made her think about family. She says that seeing Cait’s love of family made an impression on her. Cait says Candis should look into adoption.

Cait says the last few months have been enlightening, but gender confirmation surgery still makes her feel uncomfortable. She’s nervous about meeting Marci.

Jenny brings Marci to meet Cait. Marci says all she does is match up the physical with the mental. She says that probably only 20% of transgenders get it done because of the expense. Cait asks about the sexual experience and Marci says most are able to achieve orgasm. Thank you for answering that, because I wondered. She says it’s still the same music, but a different instrument. Jenny asks about those who aren’t sure. Marci says it’s personal and a lot of transgenders choose not to have it and are just as happy. Cait says she’s going to ponder it.

Cait goes with Candis to meet an attorney to discuss adoption. The attorney explains the different types of adoption. She says it’s the hardest to adopt overseas because you have to adhere to the laws of both countries. She suggests either independent or foster adoption. She says it will probably take more effort than it would if she was a 40-year-old heterosexual couple, but it could be done.

Chandi comes for dinner with Cait and Candis. Candis tells her about seeing the lawyer. She says she can handle the idea of not being with someone or being rejected by a guy, but doesn’t think she can handle rejection from office buildings, government and potential mothers. She says she’s been living her life as a trans woman for so long, she never thinks about it, but other people do. Both Chandi and Cait think she should go for it anyway. Chandi says she should go into it with an open mind and not think about the obstacles.

Scott and Cait go to get a Christmas tree. Scott says who better than a Jew to go Christmas tree shopping with?

Cait says one thing she learned on the trip was that she has the ability to check out and we flash back to her sort of ignoring Scott. Cait asks how Scott is doing with the holiday season. He says it’s difficult because he has no parents and he doesn’t know how it’s going with Kourtney, but he doesn’t want people inviting him out of pity.

Scott and Cait pick out a tree. Scott says this is the reason being a Jew is better — a menorah is much lighter. They put the tree in Cait’s place. The smoke alarm is beeping and she’s just been living with the beeping. Scott gets up on a stepladder and checks all of the alarms. Scott says when Cait was Bruce, she was angry and cut off, but now she’s a more open, happy person. It’s even obvious to me, and I only saw a handful of episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Kris drops by with Christmas cookies. Candis is there too. Kris says a guy came barreling into her office with a backpack and asked for a hug and a kiss. This is with security guards all over the place. He told her he had to go pay his Uber driver and she called security. She says he’s in jail now, but he’d been looking for her all over the house. Cait says half the time she didn’t even know the names of the people hanging around the house and Kris jokes that those were her children.

They decorate the tree and go through the various family stockings. Candis tells Kris about the adoption thing and how it has to be disclosed that she’s a trans woman and she feels discouraged. Kris says it’s discouraging in general, and gives examples of how it’s tough for many women. Candis says it’s not a trans thing, it’s a human thing, adding that sometimes you have to figure out how to move on and change your expectations. Kris tells her that she’d make a wonderful mother and she should go ahead with the plan

Next time, Cait goes on a ski trip, Cait and Candis kiss, and Jenny and Cait get into the Republican thing again.

Fear the Walking Dead

Some kids are on the beach collecting shells when zombies start to come out of the water. Since the kids are really stupid, they leave their shells by the fence holding back the zombies. Is this some kind of offering?

Madison tells Nick he almost got himself killed in the water. Travis has looked at the log book from the other ship and tells Victor there is no more San Diego. The military burned it down. Victor has seen a large vessel following them and says they have to hide. He shows them a cove on the map.

Travis hunts down Chris, which isn’t hard since they’re on a boat. He says they’ll be safer where they’re going, but Chris isn’t convinced.

It’s nighttime, and Madison sees a light on in a house. They dock at the pier nearby. Victor stays on the boat, while the others go ashore. Everything looks dark in the village, but Travis thinks they’re just scared. He calls out saying they just need information and they’re not sick or a threat. They just need help.

A door opens and one of the kids from the beach comes out. His father calls him back and says he’s just excited to see people. Madison says they saw a light and the father says it was an accident. Travis introduces himself and the father says his name is George. Travis says they just need to get their bearings and they’ll be gone; there’s nothing to fear from them. Well, yeah, the name of the show isn’t Fear the Living. Although maybe it should be.

Travis looks at George’s library and George says he’s welcome to take something. Travis says he doesn’t have time for it now, but George says he has nothing but time. He tells Travis napalm is being used up and doewn the coast. He says that San Diego was burned and the border has been shut to the south. He says the interior is not better than the coast, and basically half the country is gone.

Madison talks to George’s wife, Melissa, and they compare educational degrees. Madison talks about being a teacher. The older son, Seth, comes in and Melissa introduces them.

Back on the boat Ofelia asks Daniel if they’re going to stay. Daniel says they’d have to be invited. Daniel says this isn’t the world she was supposed to know, but she says understanding this world helps her understand him. She says it’s cruel. Ouch!

Harry asks Nick if he wants to see his room. Nick asks Chris if he wants to come. Chris says no thanks and Nick tells him he doesn’t have to, but it’s better to be with people. Nick sees a bunch of action figures with red dots on their foreheads. Nick asks what’s up with that and Harry says that’s what happens now when people are sick.

Victor wonders what’s taking so long, and Daniel says it’s not like they’re in a hurry. Daniel is concerned about being left behind, but Victor says he wouldn’t have taken them in the first place if that’s what he was going to do.

George tells Travis the world couldn’t sustain itself and this is course correction. He says he’s been studying Travis’s culture for a long time and talks about New Zealand. Travis asks if it’s okay if they spend the night.

Travis tells Madison that George thinks this is all part of nature’s plan. Madison says he’s intense and Melissa grilled her about her job. She thinks that the light was shone on purpose, even though George said it was an accident.

Nick and Alicia are on the boat. Nick says the best thing about the apocalypse is no noise pollution. Nick talks about how the kids have seen too much already and how things will never be normal for them. He says something is off here and Alicia says something is off everywhere.

Chris skulks around a lighthouse and sees Seth with a pickax. He asks Seth what he’s doing and Seth tells him chores and he can help if he wants to. They go down to the beach and Seth says they’re doing maintenance. He goes to the fence where the zombies are and whacks one in the head. He asks if Chris wants a turn.

Travis is looking for Chris. Nick tells him if he wants help, just ask. Chris is busy taking his turn at whacking zombies and it’s like he’s been doing this his entire life. Seth says they’ll come back again before dinner. Chris asks if the zombies can climb, and Chris says they’re pretty clumsy and he hasn’t seen evidence of it. Travis comes down to the beach and Seth tells him that Chris is a pro. Chris whacks one more zombie and Travis doesn’t look too happy about it.

Travis tells George he has a problem by the fence line, but George says Seth manages it and they go down once a week to get rid of the bodies. Travis says his son used to take out the garbage and mow the lawn. George tells him this is how they manage now and asks Travis to take a ride with him.

They go to the shore where George is fixing the fence. Travis asks why they stay there. George says he saw the map and knows the truth. Travis asks how he can give up, but George says he’s not, he’s fixing the fence.

Alicia wanders around an old amusement boardwalk. She’s wearing an iPod which is probably a bad idea. She signs a bird watching tour list. In the meantime, Nick scours the house for drugs. He finds something inside of a globe. Harry’s sister, Willa, comes in and asks him to come and draw with her.

Victor tells Daniel he’s hanging over him like the spectre of death. Victor sees that whoever was following them is gone and says they’re sailing with the tide.

Madison helps Melissa pick some peppers (not a pint of pickled ones). Madison says they’ll be leaving soon. She asks Melissa about the light and if it was an accident. Melissa says it was a mistake, but Madison asks if she was signaling them. Melissa says she saw them from the pier and had a strange sense of hope. She thought Willa and Harry might have a chance if they wouldn’t there. Madison says she thought the island was safe. Melissa says they’re just biding their time until it’s over. Madison asks if she wants to come along, but Melissa says she has MS and would end up being a burden, but she wants them to take Harry and Willa.

Madison talks to Travis, who tells her George is just keeping his family safe. Madison says that where they go next might be safer. He doesn’t want to take George’s kids on Melissa’s say-so, and Madison says what about hers? He says he’ll talk to George.

Daniel is looking all over the boat and finds a knapsack, along with a map and gun that are locked away. Victor is on the phone (?) and says it’s all clear and when’s the latest? He repeats sundown and says he’ll be there.

Nick is obviously distressed and Madison asks what’s wrong. Nick tells her and Travis he thinks George is going to “Jonestown” his family and tells him about the pills he found. He says he knows his pharmaceuticals, and they aren’t recreational; they’re poison.

Melissa tells Madison the kids will be down in a minute. She told them they’re going on a boat ride for a few days. George walks in while Melissa is explaining the kids’ different needs. He asks what’s going on and she says she can’t look at them every day, knowing there’s no future. Harry says something is wrong with Willa.

They go upstairs to find the little girl near death. Harry says she took her pill. Good job, George. She’s a zombie now and just bit Melissa. George makes Travis leave. They all run back to the boat with Harry. He asks what happened to Willa and Nick says she got sick.

Victor says children are dead weight and wants Madison to leave Harry. She says he doesn’t get to decide who lives and dies, and he begs to differ. Seth is suddenly on the boat with a gun and wants to bring Harry home. Madison tells him to come with them, but he gets aggressive and takes Harry. He tells Madison she caused this. What? The apocalypse? As they leave, they see zombie Melissa on the pier. Seth tells Harry to keep waving at the boat. (Just look at the flowers, Harry.) Seth shoots Melissa as the boat departs.

Next time, a possible trip to Mexico, lots of zombies and Nick gets into trouble.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

When I tuned in, both Ray and Michael were on stage and there was butt grabbing talk within 10 seconds. Apparently, Gizelle had inferred Michael was gay when he’s really just a flamboyant Australian, and Gizelle acted like the gay thought never even came into her head. Next.

When the men leave, they talk about Gizelle’s dating. Zzzzzz….

Moving on to Katie making out with her boyfriend at Ashley’s party. Gizelle claims she just asked if Katie was “on something” out of concern, and I laugh my head off. The only thing that woman is concerned about is herself. Katie says the only thing she was on was Andrew. Ha-ha!

Katie points out that Gizelle is the common denominator in many argumentative situations. Gizelle threatens to tell everyone what was edited out from some scene. I wonder if Andy is crapping his pants, since it’s probably something they’re going to use in Secrets Revealed. Gizelle says she doesn’t like when people aren’t adults and now would be the time to show how she acted at Charrisse’s house before the crab boil, but it doesn’t happen. We do get to see her talking about drinking some tea that makes her poop though. Gizelle accuses Katie of being drunk and peeing on the couch during some photo shoot. Katie says she wasn’t drunk, but she’s had three kids. Fair enough.

At this point, I’m wondering why I even bothered with the second half of this show.

In wrapping it up, Andy asks if everyone enjoyed the season. Charrisse’s husband isn’t talking to her any more, Karen and Ashley learned a lot about themselves, and Gizelle says the word on the street is that this was the best thing ever on television. She’s obviously the most delusional of the bunch. Karen toasts to moving forward in peace.

And I toast to this excruciating show being over.

Shahs of Sunset

Last we left the Shahs, there was a lot of cake throwing going on at Shervin’s yacht party.

GG wakes up at Shervin’s house, no doubt with a wicked hangover. Yep, she has one, and doesn’t even remember getting back. She asks Shervin if he had fun. He says he wasn’t expecting to feel this way and there was a lot of anger. Shervin tells her she’s not dealing with her anger in a positive way, which is the understatement of the year.

Mike is giving real estate a break and focusing on building a shoe empire. He wants Jessica to see his vision. Since she’s from a priviledged background, and he feels as the breadwinner, he needs to create more wealth. The shoes are pretty dope, but there’s a lot of footwear competition out there.

Asa comes over to Reza’s place. They discuss the party and GG. Reza brings up when GG attacked Asa in Mexico. He says they need rules and consequences. They discuss seeing Mike again. Reza says it was the first time they were able to get together with him and Jessica and have everything be copacetic.

MJ joins them. Reza says that he mentioned to Asa that he’d like her to get ordained so she can officiate at the wedding. He wants the four of them to go to lunch and have the meal turn into an impromptu wedding. MJ is like, no. She says it’s Adam’s wedding too, but Asa thinks he’ll be okay with it and that it’s romantic. MJ says he’ll want it to be an “us” thing and it’s Reza’s solution to standing him up last time. In her individual interview, MJ says they need to heal their wounds from the last time before the next wedding.

MJ brings her mom’s dog, Ziggy, to the pet stylist. Seriously, it says stylist, not groomer. She wants Ziggy done in hot pink and black, “the colors of a cheetah.” Okay…

Asa’s father and brother have been hired for the shipping department of her caftan business. She says the business is exploding and she wants to set up a future for her family. She says the idea of a family business is great, but in reality, it’s not so great. Believe me, I know. I once worked for a family business (not my own) and it was pure hell. It looks like dad wants to take more coffee breaks than do work.

MJ lied to her mother, telling her Tommy was just a friend. They’re going to pick up Ziggy and MJ wants him to go with her and her mother to dinner. OMG — Ziggy! She has pink and black cheetah print on her legs and the rest of her looks normal. MJ says maybe she should have thought this out more. Um, yeah.

Adam and Asa go for a walk. Asa says that he and Reza call her every morning at different times to give her their sides of the story. Adam isn’t sure if he and Reza should make another attempt at marriage. He says there’s been growth in the relationship, but he’s concerned Reza will call it quits again. Asa asks about getting married and Adam says he’s hesitant.

MJ and Tommy take Ziggy to the restaurant where they’re meeting MJ’s mom. Ziggy is wearing a Louis Vuitton harness. MJ’s mom, Vida, joins them and it takes her a minute to realize what’s happened to Ziggy. She’s pretty miffed, but gets over it quickly, which is a mystery to me since she’s the worst. Oh, I see, she just wants to move on to belittling MJ. She tells MJ she hasn’t lost any weight, which is so not true. She says Tommy is a bad influence with MJ’s eating. Tommy says MJ looks great and Vida doesn’t think he should have an opinion. This is when MJ lays it on Vida that they’re dating.

Tommy says Vida is her mother, she’s not going to marry her. Vida says he’s not a good match. She can tell because she has a gift for that. More like she has a gift for being obnoxious. As they leave the restaurant, Vida gripes at MJ about wearing V-necks because they make her boobs look huge. Silly me, I thought that was the point.

Jessica and Mike go to a smoothie place. Twenty-seven bucks for two smoothies? You’ve got to be kidding. Jessica tells Mike they’re terrible with money, which seems ironic since the smoothies were her idea. She says they need to get a house and Mike has some nasty stuff on his credit. Jessica says they have two incomes now, but what’s going to happen when she gets pregnant? She asks about the new business and wonders if it’s worth the investment, but he says he has to take a risk and together they’ll build an empire. Good luck with that.

Reza and Adam arrive at Asa’s for dinner. She has her patio totally decked out and it looks beautiful. MJ and Tommy arrive next. Asa thinks they’re perfect for one another. Wow. It’s a lot of food for five people. They talk about the party and Asa says GG has hit rock bottom. She also thinks GG needs help, but MJ says they should be telling GG this.

GG goes to a club with Shervin and his brother. I think it’s his brother. He’s always around and looks like Shervin. Do I need to mention there’s a lot of drinking happening?

MJ goes in the kitchen with Adam to refresh her drink. MJ tells him he’s with an alpha male and needs to have his voice heard. She thinks Reza needs ot be challenged and agrees with Adam that they should pace themselves. Adam says the thing that bugs him is that when Reza is ready for something, he just expects everyone else to jump on board.

When MJ gets back to the table, Asa brings out a birthday cake for her. Asa asks what her wish is, and MJ says she wants to reach out to GG. Asa says they have to get to the bottom of whatever GG’s problem is.

GG wants to leave. Shervin asks her what’s wrong. She says she’s tired. Well, she’s drunk, but I think a lot of her problem is the arthritis.

Reza and Adam go to a dessert place and I’m wondering why the clerk has two circles tattooed or drawn on his neck. They get some soft serve and talk about how they need more space housewise. Reza thinks they should make a plan of getting a new place and getting married. Adam says he feels like Reza forgets there are two people in the relationship. When Reza asks how he feels about marriage, Adam tells him that he made something that was special to him feel not so special. I dunno. I think if someone left me at the altar, we’d be done.

Adam says he loves Reza and wants to be with him, but he called off the wedding. He says sometimes he has to second guess what’s going on and he doesn’t want that. Reza says today would have been their one year anniversary and what does he need ot do for Adam to trust him. Adam says a start would be to remember he’s an equal and he doesn’t want to discuss the one year thing.

Next time, Mike and Reza have a talk, MJ walks out on lunch with GG, and MJ creates a problem for Reza.