What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

At the MetroCourt, Carly tells Bobbie, she should sue. Diane would gladly take the case. Bobbie says, another lawsuit would only hurt the hospital, and Carly says the hospital fired her. Bobbie says, Cyrus fired her, but Carly says, they both know he had help. They look over to see Valentin sitting with Martin.

Valentin thinks Martin should have a shot. After the antics of his last client, he could use one. Martin says he’s sure he doesn’t know what Valentin means, and Valentin wonders if Nelle’s latest disappearing act is for real.

Sam tells Jason, her actions caused Bobbie and Monica to be fired, but Jason thinks it’s reaching just a little bit. She says, is it? She gave Valentin consent to vote Danny and Scout’s proxy. He says, and she was assigned a new parole officer. She says, so he was able to move back in, and that’s great, but it left the hospital open for Cyrus’s control. He thinks it’s her fault, doesn’t he?

Alexis looks at the syringe, now sitting in a plastic bag. Julian says, the police are on their way to pick up the evidence. She says she’s not sure why, since it was accidental. He says, maybe he should take it, and reaches for it, but Alexis snatches it up. He says because of the prevalence of opioid deaths, the police are treating all drug induced OD’s as homicides.

Jordan asks why Cyrus murdered Neil, and he says, I beg your pardon? She says, it’s a simple question, and she’s not wearing a wire. He can speak freely. Why did he kill Neil? He says, all right; he’ll play along. Who’s Neil? She says he died of an OD, with no prior history of drug use, and he says, by definition, addicts are good at hiding their addiction. She says, like Bob and Mark? and he says, how hypocritical of them. They planted the evidence that framed him for being a drug lord, when they were sampling the wares. He can’t thank her enough for exposing their corruption. She says she doesn’t know what game he’s playing, but what’s the connection between him and Neil?

Josslyn, Cameron, and Trina go to Charlie’s. Trina goes over to say hello to Ava at the bar, and Josslyn says she’s been meaning to tell Cameron that she knows. He says, okay… She says now that she knows, they don’t have to be weird. She and Trina talked through everything, and she’s totally cool with it.

Alexis asks Julian if she’s supposed to believe Neil was a user all this time, when she had no idea. Not when he was her therapist, not when they were stumbling through their relationship, not even when he was in her own bed, but apparently, he was. There was the bloodwork, a puncture wound, and now Julian found the syringe under her bed. Julian suggests he hang on to it until the police get there, and Alexis says she was so certain that she was making a better choice. It turns out she was just falling for a better liar.

Valentin doesn’t suppose part of Martin’s service was to hustle Nelle off to an undisclosed location. Martin says, no, and Valentin wonders if he’s not saying anything because of professional ethics, or because Nelle owes him money.

Carly says, when Valentin took over, his first act was to bail on the hospital, opening the door to Cyrus. His second act was to fire Michael. Bobbie says, and now he’s having a drink in Carly’s restaurant. She doesn’t think so. Bobbie stomps over to Valentin’s table, and says she had the misfortune to marry his brother Stephan. He was bad, but Valentin is infinitely worse, handing the hospital over to the likes of Cyrus. He says, sorry, and she says she wants to smack the smirk off his face. Carly says she’s right behind Bobbie, and Brick walks in. He says, no doubt. It looks like he got there just in time.

Alexis tells Julian, she didn’t know Neil was an addict, but she’s good at spotting other addicts, since she is one. It’s like a funhouse, with everyone distorted in their own unique way. Julian says she doesn’t know for sure Neil was an addict. He could have been a recreational user; those people exist. Or he could have been a high-functioning addict. Plenty of successful people are. Alexis says she doesn’t know anything right now. She’s going to drive herself crazy, going over every detail of what Neil did or didn’t do. Julian says, from what he’s seen, Neil was a complicated guy dealing with a lot, including his emotions and feelings for her. Alexis gives him a look.

Ava says Trina has been holding out on her. She’s so talented. Her performance with her friends at the Nurses Ball was spectacular. Trina asks if Ava and Nikolas had a good time, and Ava says she knows what Trina is doing. Trina doesn’t have to look out for her. She and Nikolas know where they stand with each other.

Cameron asks Josslyn what everything she’s talking about, and Josslyn says, don’t worry. Trina says it’s not a big deal. He says, good to know, and she says she doesn’t want him to feel he has to keep it secret. Portia walks in, and Trina tells Ava that her counselor said she could get additional credit for working at the gallery, so she can give Ava ten extra hours. Ava appreciates her enthusiasm, but thinks Trina should speak to her mother. She might have other plans. Portia asks, does Trina mind if she and Ava take a moment to catch up? Trina asks if Portia promises to be nice, and Portia asks if Trina promises to be nice to Curtis. Train tells her, try not to break anything too expensive. Ava tells Portia, if this is about Trina asking for more hours, she said Trina needed to clear it with her first. Portia says she’ll bring that up later, but first, they need to talk.

Cyrus tells Jordan, he’s not aware of any connection between him and Neil. The first time he’s heard Neil’s name is when she said it just now. She says his innocent act is wasted on her, since he kidnapped her son, and made her turn a blind eye to his drug shipment getting through. He says he’s never kidnapped anyone in his life, and no one can make her do anything. She’s always had the power to make her own choices. She says, Neil died under similar circumstances to Mark and Bob; the same pattern. Cyrus says, people die all the time. That doesn’t mean he had a hand in it. She says, unless they were his drugs. Then he’s legally responsible. He says she exonerated him. Although now, she comes to him late at night, hurling accusations and innuendos, reviving a vendetta against an innocent man.

Jason says it sounds like Sam wants him to be angry with her, but she says she wants him to tell the truth. He asks when he’s lied to her, and she says, never. He doesn’t say anything, and she says, ELQ was supposed to bail out the hospital. She should have known Valentin was up to something. All she cared about was getting a new parole officer, and getting to spend time with him. He says she’s only responsible for the proxy she signed over to Valentin. Valentin took control of the majority, and it was his decision not to help GH. Those were his actions, not hers. She says, it was selfish. She got what she wanted, and because of her actions, people she cares about are paying for it.

Julian tells Alexis, he knows more than most people that it’s complicated to lead a double life. Neil was confused, and he may have been confused about a number of things, but he knows that Neil genuinely cared for her. She says, dying in her bed was a funny way to show it, and he tells her, she has no idea how many secrets Neil might have been keeping, but anyone could tell his feelings for her were genuine. She says he should go. She appreciates him coming by, but can’t have him there to turn to. He says, that’s different. If she needs anything, let him know. For what it’s worth, he’s sorry it happened. It was nice to see her happy again.

Trina sits back down, and Josslyn says she told Cameron what they talked about, so they’re all on the same page. No more secrets. Trina says she’s glad to hear it, and Cameron says, excellent.

Ava tells Portia, with all due respect, she’s already apologized for overstepping with Trina. Portia says, she did, and Ava says she’s not sure what more she can do. Portia says she realized she came on strong, and made assumptions about Ava’s motivations. Ava says, as a mother, in protecting one’s child, you can never be too careful; she understands. Portia says, whatever Ava’s motivation in helping Trina, she realizes it came from a genuine place, and thanks her. Trina’s work at the gallery is grounding, and she realizes it’s even more important now, in the wake of her father’s death. She believes Ava when she says her intentions were honorable. Ava says she appreciates that, and Portia says, but she doesn’t believe Ava has led an honorable life. She won’t prevent Trina from working at the gallery, but won’t be taking her eyes off Trina either.

Cyrus says Jordan exonerating him doesn’t seem that long ago He doesn’t think he dreamed it or imagined it. She says he threatened to kill her son unless she did what he wanted, and he says, what imagination she has. He’s making a fresh start, and exploring the possibilities available to a free man. He tells her, thank you, waits, then says, say you’re welcome. She says he’s made himself welcome enough. He doesn’t need to hear her say it. Since he’s an innocent man leading an innocent life, he doesn’t require the police commissioner. She’s met the terms of their extremely one-sided agreement, and they’re done. He tells her, don’t be so sure.

Sam asks if Jason is telling her that he’s okay with what she did. Jason says he hates that Monica and Bobbie lost their jobs; it’s awful and unfortunate, but it’s not permanent. She asks how he’s so sure, and he says, Cyrus is testing the truce already. When he breaks it, he’s gone. She says, what about Valentin? and he says, the Quartermaines have lost control of ELQ before. They’ll get it back. Michael is smart, with a cool head, and he’s not distracted by the custody case anymore. She says, it really doesn’t bother him that her actions are what set things in motion?

Jason says, it’s not like Valentin gave Sam a choice. He knows she acted in good faith. It’s done. It’s over. She can’t change it. Let’s just move on. Her phone rings, and she says, it’s Julian. He has the worst timing. She tells Julian that she’s in the middle of something. What does he want? He says he was at her mother’s. He just left, and Neil’s OD is hitting her hard. He found a syringe under her bed. They both know he’s not the right person to be with her mother, but Alexis shouldn’t be alone. Sam says she’ll be right over, and thanks him. She tells Jason what happened, and he says he’ll go with her.

Officer Gonzalez comes downstairs, and tells Alexis, there was no other paraphernalia, but forensics wants to look around. Alexis says she’s not going to be sleeping up there anytime soon, and Officer Gonzalez says if they have any more questions, they’ll contact her. Alexis says she’s fresh out of answers.

Cyrus says he appreciates Jordan’s faith in him adjusting to life outside, but it takes time, especially after such a long stretch. She tells him not to sell himself short. Clearly her services are no longer required. He says she’s gone from callous pessimist to wide-eyed optimist. She needs to split the difference, and become a pragmatist. An old friend might come in handy. Isn’t that what she was thinking when she invited Taggert back to town, or did she feel it was a mistake? Another hasty decision. Look at the damage that was done to that poor man.

Martin says, amusing as it might be to watch them deck his client, he’d be compelled to call the cops. Carly tells Bobbie, they’ll leave Valentin alone, and invites Brick to have a drink. Valentin says, good idea, and she says no one asked him. Bobbie tells Carly that Scotty is taking her out to dinner, and leaves. Martin tells Valentin, let it go, but Valentin says Bobbie is wrong. He’s nothing like Stephan, who was consumed with ghosts. Martin asks if Valentin’s ghosts are under control, and Valentin says he doesn’t believe in ghosts. Martin says he’d like to know why Julian was looking for him; does he miss his wife? Valentin says, Julian is looking to get out of a marriage of crippling inconvenience, which leads him to wonder what leverage Nelle had to get Julian to marry her in the first place. He had the impression the leverage was in Martin’s possession. Is it?

Ava says, normally if someone spoke to her like that, she’d tell them to go to hell. She’d say they don’t know about her, or what been through in her dishonorable life. Portia asks if that’s what Ava is telling her, but Ava says, on the contrary. If she was in Portia’s shoes, and her daughter was working for a woman with her… colorful past, she’d be… Portia says, cautious? and Ava says, livid. She’d never take her eyes off her daughter. As a mother, there’s nothing more important than a child’s safety or happiness. Trina is determined to work extra hours, but Portia should feel free to say no. Portia wonders if Ava is asking her to turn Trina down, but Ava says, no, but don’t feel obligated. Portia says, seven days is a big ask, and Ava says, if they start to drive each other crazy, she’ll send Trina on an errand. Portia says, when Trina returns with coffee in five minutes, what then? and Ava says she’ll send Trina to Tokyo to pick up on what’s trendy. That will take longer. Portia says, Ava is kidding, right? She does have a couple of requests. She asks Ava to keep an eye on Trina, and if she’s there to work, make her work. Ava says, of course (🍷). As if she could stop Trina. The gallery might seem like a placid boutique, but there’s a lot to do. She tells Portia, feel free to pop in and check up on Trina. Portia is sure it won’t be necessary, and Ava says, yet she has the feeling Portia will. Portia says, at least once a week. Maybe more. Ava says she’s always welcome, and Portia thanks her. Trina asks if everything is okay, and Portia says she’s giving Trina permission to work extra hours.

Julian comes in, and Ava says she hears congratulations are in order. He asks, for what? and she says she heard his wife – who makes her look like Mother Teresa – is gone. Why is he in a foul mood? He should be celebrating the end of his hellish marriage. He says his hellish marriage is far from being over. She asks what Nelle did now, and he says she claimed to have left a letter detailing his role in Wiley’s kidnapping with her lawyer. Until he gets the letter, he’s on borrowed time. She says Julian should have let her kill Nelle when she offered.

Sam says she thought Alexis was going to stay at their place, but Alexis says she couldn’t. Sam says Julian called her; she’s so sorry, Alexis wonders how she couldn’t know, and Sam tells her, don’t blame herself. Alexis asks how someone who presents themselves as a decent, wonderful person could do something like that? How could he?  

Martin says his hypothetical sometimes client – he’s not naming names… Valentin says, Nelle, and Martin says, it’s hypothetical. Valentin suggests Medea, and Martin says, Medea it is. Medea has left some loose ends, providing actual proof of her departure is permanent. Martin doesn’t know what Valentin’s interest is, so why should he share secrets? Valentin says, Nelle is currently a friendless fugitive wanted for murder and attempted kidnapping, and wonders if Martin’s ability to keep secrets is based on the size of the retainer. Martin says he’ll take care Nelle’s affairs in any way he pleases, and Valentin says, just make sure his take precedence.

Carly asks if Sonny called Brick, but Brick says he was on his way to another assignment. He had time to stop by and say hello to Sonny. She asks if Sonny knows he’s in town, and he says he was at Turning Woods earlier. She says then he knows what’s going on with Mike, and he says, sadly, he does.

Julian tells Ava that Nelle left the letter with her attorney Martin, and Ava says, ugh. That man is a reptile in a linen suit. If Nelle left the letter with him, and it incriminates Julian, Martin will absolutely use it for his own gain. He says that’s why she’s going with him to help find it.

Trian asks Portia if she can stay longer, and Josslyn says her driver will drop Trina off. Portia tells Trina to text when she’s on her way, and not after Curfew. Trina says, definitely.

Cyrus says Jordan saw how Taggert’s poor family suffered. First, by his violent death, and then when she revealed how honorable Taggert was anything but. The shame rained down on that man’s family… But fortunately, families are resilient. Take hers for instance. She tells him, stay away from her family, and he says, or what? She says she doesn’t know. Neither of them know what she might be capable of. She doesn’t want to find out; does he? He says he’s sure it won’t come to that. Isn’t the motto of every police force to serve and protect? That’s what’s going to happen between them. She says, in serving, she’ll also protect him? and he says, that’s everybody’s job on the force, right? He tells her, goodnight. Oh, and if she ever decides to drop by for another late night chat, ask herself if it’s worth his trouble. She walks out.

Jordan runs into Portia outside of Charlie’s, and asks how Trina is. Portia says, fine. She’s loving her job, her friends, and school, so Portia can’t complain. Nothing will take away losing her father, but it does give her the structure she needs to heal and work through it. Jordan asks if there’s anything she can do, but Portia says nothing short of clearing Taggert’s name will satisfy Trina. Jordan wishes that were possible, and Portia says, there is one thing she’d like to clear the air about. She knows Curtis told Jordan about their conversation. Jordan says he did, and Portia says she wanted Jordan to know, woman to woman, she shouldn’t have brought up something that was clearly in the past. She has no designs on Jordan’s husband. Jordan laughs, and says she appreciates Portia making that clear.

Julian messes with the lock on Martin’s office door, and says Ava knows what to do, right? She says, if she sees something, text something, and tells him to make sure he notices. She asks if he has a secret spy code, and he says he doesn’t think that would make him look more innocent. She asks if he’s sure there’s no alarm, he says he’s not. He gets the door open, and she says, hurry up. He goes into the office.

Alexis says when she was lying next to Neil, and they were planning their future, he was waiting for her to fall asleep so he could shoot up. Jason says she doesn’t know what Neil was thinking, and Sam says, Jason is right. She doesn’t know what was going through Neil’s mind at the time. Alexis agrees, and says, Neil was a multitasker. He could have been planning his life and thinking about shooting up at the same time. Sam says Alexis sounds morbid, and she doesn’t want Alexis to be by herself. She suggests Alexis come home with them, but Alexis doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Jason says, Danny and Scout love having her there, and she’d be close to Sam, but Alexis says she has a lot of feelings right now, and they’re not pretty. She doesn’t want to have them in front of her grandchildren. Sam says she’ll stay there, but Alexis says, no. Jason just got home, and Sam should be home with her family. Sam doesn’t feel good leaving Alexis, but Alexis says she needs privacy. Sam says if she starts feeling depressed, or more depressed, call. Or call if she feels like drinking. Alexis says, yes to all of it, and thanks them for coming by. She and Sam hug.

While Josslyn is away from the table, Cameron says he can’t believe Trina told Josslyn about… you know. She says she didn’t want it to be a deep, dark secret. Now that it’s out in the open, it’s no big deal. He says he doesn’t want everyone talking, and she says, Josslyn isn’t everyone, and only three people know. He says, you know what they say about three people keeping a secret. In order for them to do it, two of them have to be… She says, what? and he says, never mind. Josslyn comes back, and says she has the best idea about the three of them.

Julian rifles through Martin’s files. Ava hears Martin telling Valentin that he is billing him for this. She texts, GET OUT NOW!!! three times. They get close to the door, and Ava tries to send another message, but it says communication failure. Martin puts his key in the lock, and Julian realizes they’re coming in.

Carly tells Brick, Sonny gave Mike one last afternoon at the track. It was good for him to be around the horses, and it was special to Sonny. Brick says he always admired Sonny, but seeing him care for Mike, being there for him, he admires Sonny even more. Carly says Brick was the one who helped Sonny step up for Mike. It was like using a Lamborghini as a golf cart. He says he was honored to help, but if he looks better to her, that’s even better. She says, it’s not fair. He comes there, flirts with her, and takes off on another mission. He asks if she’s telling him to stop, and she says, not a chance. They clink glasses.

Julian hides, and the fire alarm goes off. We see Ava has pulled it, like we didn’t guess that. Martin says, what the hell…?

Josslyn says, it’s almost homecoming, and suggests they all go together. Cameron says, the three of them? and Josslyn says, the four of them. They can’t forget Dev. Cameron and Trina say, sure they can, and Josslyn says they can still dress up and have fun, but no romantic drama. And they won’t have to worry about who they’ll kiss at the end of the night. Trina says, good idea, and Cameron says, he’s in.

Jordan tells Portia, forget she brought up the past. It’s better for them to move on with no tiptoeing around things. Their only worry is that Trina is still blaming Curtis for Tagger’s death. Portia says she keeps telling Trina that she’s dishonoring her father’s wishes, but does she listen? Jordan says, she’s more stubborn than Taggert is. Portia says, was. She still does that too; talk like he’s still there. Trina is young and headstrong, but one day she’ll realize there are few men with as much integrity as Curtis. Jordan says that’s kind of her to say, and Portia says, of course (🍷) Jordan and Curtis are lucky to have found each other.

Julian asks Ava, what happened? She says she had no reception, so she pulled the alarm. Why should he be the only one committing a felony? Julian says, if Martin has the letter, it’s not in his office.

In Martin’s office, Valentin says, someone was looking for something, and Martin says, obviously. The lookout probably pulled the fire alarm. In any case – he pulls the ELQ folder out of a drawer, and takes another from his briefcase – here’s everything Valentin needs to sign. Just put his John Hancock there. Valentin says Martin had it right there? and Martin says, except the final revision of the offer in question. He would have brought that too, but he didn’t know he’d be seeing Valentin. He makes a practice never to be apart from his most sensitive documents. We see Nelle’s letter in his briefcase.

On the phone, Cyrus asks Walker where they are on the new Chief of Staff. He can’t wait to meet them in person. He tells Walker that Neil OD’d, and wonders where he got the drugs that killed him. I wouldn’t be surprised if Neil had been Cyrus’s therapist, since Cyrus is so au currant.

Alexis looks at a glass of water, but sees a shot. She says, one day at a time, and takes a sip.

Sam tells Jason that she thought she was doing the right thing. To her, there was nothing more important than them being together. She was wrong, and she’s sorry for what it cost. Jason tells her, like he said, it’s over.

Tomorrow, Ava tells Franco that they should cut their losses, Elizabeth tells Nikolas that his fake screwed up marriage is screwing up her real one, and Nina speaks to the jewelry designer.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – The Reunion – Part Two (Home Edition)

Ugh. Even in the preview I hate the stupid faces they make. Denise eats chips. I get my vanilla wafers ready.

Andy says, this season Kyle was under attack for calling the women a group of fake-ass bitches. It made the group wonder if it takes one to know one. We flash back to Kyle being insulting, interrupting everyone, and being a moron in general. In one clip, she says she’s not friends with a-holes. I beg to differ. Andy asks why she thinks everyone came after her, and she says when she left L.A. to do her clothing line, then went to North Carolina for Halloween, she’d been going back and forth, and was tired. She felt like everyone was coming at her, and not being honest. Which answered the question not at all. Adam from Baltimore asks Dorit why she told everyone she had a life when she was late for Teddi’s retreat. It sounded self-centered and condescending, and she pissed Erika off. Erika admits to being pretty drunk, and we flash back to that. Yep. She was. Erika says they all have busy lives, and Dorit says Teddi claimed it made no difference what time they got there, yet she was attacked. Kyle says that’s extreme, but Dorit says she didn’t feel welcome, and had to defend herself. She didn’t mean the rest of them didn’t have lives. Kyle says she felt like Dorit was showing up to show off her outfit more than to support Teddi. Dorit says beforehand, she was taking pictures to promote her business. Teddi says everyone else keeps bringing it up; she had nothing to do with it. She didn’t think Kyle was defending her, just pointing out the obvious. A viewer asks how Teddi felt when Erika said she didn’t feel like being there. Teddi says she had to move on from it, and while they’re on the Teddi subject, Dorit doesn’t know why Kyle can’t acknowledge her friendship with Teddi is different from her friendship with the rest of them. Maybe it’s true. She says this like it’s tabloid fodder, and none of us have ever had a friend we’re closer to than our other friends. Kyle says, of course it is. Teddi is a better friend to her. It makes sense; they have more in common. Dorit is glad Kyle is finally admitting it. Seriously, are these women that bored? Kyle says Dorit acts like it’s a crime. She’s slept in the same bed with her friends and sisters her whole life; it’s not weird. Stirring the pot, even though there isn’t much to stir, Andy points out that Kyle insulted Erika by suggesting Erika didn’t have close friends. Kyle tries to cover her ass by saying she meant friends close enough to sleep in the same bed. Just an aside, while I wouldn’t mind sharing if necessary, being an adult, I’d rather have my own bed if it’s an option. Erika says they have different lives, and not everyone has that type of relationship. Just because they don’t have the same experience doesn’t make it wrong or bad.

Dorit wants to address the astrology party, where Kyle said she wasn’t as good a friend as she’d thought. Kyle says she was just frustrated and apologizes, but Dorit doesn’t listen and asks Kyle to justify telling her that. Kyle repeats that she apologized and explained, but Dorit says she hasn’t explained. Kyle says Dorit wanted to take credit for her fashion show, and her hiring Wilson Philips for her party. No surprise, Kyle won’t let Dorit respond, and just keeps babbling. Kyle says she never spoke against Dorit, yet Dorit threw her business under the bus, saying Kyle didn’t know what she was doing. There’s a break, and I realize I’m holding my breath.

Kyle says she was shocked, and we revisit Kyle freaking out when she checked out her line before the fashion show. We see Dorit’s interview, where she wondered how Kyle couldn’t have seen the pieces beforehand, and if she just woke up and said she’d throw a show together and be a success. No need for experience or know-how. Kyle says, of course she was freaking out; Dorit said she didn’t know what she was doing. Kyle once again refuses to let Dorit talk, and says Dorit came to her house and she felt like they were friends for life. Then Dorit made fun of her in her interview. She thought they were better friends than that. Dorit says she never slammed Kyle’s designs. She poked fun at Kyle for not being prepared, and she thought Kyle should have been. Garcelle says Kyle got more upset at her saying she’d felt glazed over than she did over Dorit hurting her business. She didn’t seem that mad. Dorit says Kyle just blamed her, but never spoke to her directly. Instead she went to Twitter and the press. Kyle says she was upset, thinking Dorit had slammed her business. Dorit says Kyle told everyone her fashion show was in a warehouse, and Kyle says she had to fight back. She wasn’t going to sit there like a moron. No comment. Too easy. Dorit asks why Kyle didn’t text her, and Kyle asks why Dorit said it in the first place. Andy wants to move forward, and Dorit says she’s very sorry, and wishes Kyle success. She adds she’s always there if Kyle needs anything, and Kyle says she appreciates it. I see why they had to focus on the whole Denise/Brandi thing this season. Apparently, they didn’t have a show without it. Wake me when it’s over.

Andy says, moving on. He asks why Kyle thinks Denise is a fake-ass bitch, and Kyle says Denise claims she doesn’t care about the glam thing, but then defended Dorit. She felt like everyone was putting on an act, and not being genuine, but she was singled out. Bob in Syosset says Denise is the sexiest women alive, and asks how she felt when Kyle called her a ragamuffin. Denise says she was surprised, but wondered if could trademark it somehow, like Ragamuffin Clothing. I actually like that idea. Kyle says, when she was a kid, if she left the house looking messy, her mom said, don’t run around like a ragamuffin. Andy asks if Denise was offended, but Denise says she didn’t care. No pot stirring for you there, Andy. Kyle says she apologized, and Denise says, after the backlash on social media. Denise says she was defending Dorit about being glam when Kyle got upset. It was like, how dare Denise defend her when she looks like a ragamuffin? Either they’re not glam enough or too glam. Andy asks, where’s the middle ground?  

Dorit’s phone keeps repeating low battery over and over, and everyone is like WTF? Andy says Caleb in Topeka asks how Lois is, and LisaR says she misses Lois. She hasn’t seen her in five months. Lois is in assisted living though, and doing great. Andy says LisaR loves the spotlight, like this is news. Her daughter opened up about her anxiety on social media, and she was judged as a mother. He supposes it was attention she could do without. We flash back to everything Amelia, and Andy asks if LisaR thought about what she does on Instagram. She says, as a mother, she’s always aware. Garcelle tells LisaR, what she said wasn’t about shaming; it was just a reality check. Andy asks Teddi if she relates to the issue, and Teddi says as parents, they’re already coping with the struggle, and already feel guilty, so it shouldn’t be made part of a light conversation. Garcelle says she wasn’t being flippant, but Teddi says she said it in front of all of them; it was a low blow. Garcelle has no response. I’m not surprised, since this is stupid even for Teddi. Andy says, Sutton said LisaR’s dancing on Instagram was weird, and Sutton says, that’s not a bad thing. Dorit says, it had a negative connotation. I see she’s been reading again, and is using big words. Sutton says Dorit is making it into something bigger than it is, and LisaR says, it is weird. Dorit says if her daughter didn’t like her doing it, would LisaR continue, and LisaR says, of course not. She’d never do anything to hurt her kids. Andy asks if there’s an update on Amelia’s $6000 a month apartment, and LisaR says, $5700, but who’s counting,? and explains it’s all Amelia’s money from modeling. She’s doing well (apparently), and some days aren’t as much of a struggle, but she’ll always have issues. Charlotte from Birmingham says Denise looked horrified when LisaR said she’d taught her daughters the right way to do a BJ in her book. Did she think LisaR went too far? Denise says she doesn’t think they should judge each other (mic drop). Erika says, it was a lovely bomb LisaR’s daughters dropped on her in Tokyo, and we flash back to that. LisaR says her daughters could care less about reading any book, but one of their friends brought it out. Andy mentions LisaR’s latest nakey picture, and LisaR admits that she loves attention and pushes boundaries, like we didn’t know, and Kyle says, nobody owns it better. I choke on a cookie.

Garcelle asks if anyone is drinking yet. Jordan from Austin asks how Teddi’s baby is, and Teddi explains about how the baby’s head wasn’t formed right in utero, and she needs neurosurgery. She says, everyone says she’ll be fine, but Teddi is obviously distressed about it. Not that I blame her. I might not like Teddi, but wouldn’t wish that on anyone. FYI, baby Dove had the surgery since then, and everything turned out fine. Andy says Teddi’s pregnancy seemed to be an afterthought to the women. We flash back to Teddi’s interview where she says, apparently, she’s proceeding in this friend group as though she’s not pregnant. They talk about the name Dove, which Teddi wanted, but Edwin wouldn’t agree, until she pitched it by telling him that it was an emoji. Erika says, while Teddi ate a lot of Tums, she never used her pregnancy as an excuse for anything. Erika was freaked out more than Teddi was. Andy points out that the bunny is behind him, having made the trip to the Hamptons. Kyle says, it went to Bravocon and Watch What Happens Live in L.A. The bunny gets around. Andy says, the bunny is legendary, and asks if it’s LisaR’s go-to baby gift. LisaR says it is, and even though she acts like she’s not still upset about Kim giving it back to her, I think she is. She says the company went out of business though, so now she’ll have to get a different bunny. Zzzzzzz… What I said before about Denise. They talk about Teddi’s daughter Slate, and how she severed the tip of her finger when a door closed on it. Teddi says she put it on ice, and when she called 911, the first thing they told her was not to put it on ice. Good to know. She says she took it off, wrapped it in gauze, and put it in a Ziplock bag. She called several people, and Dr. Nassif met her at the ER. Andy asks if Teddi was as boring as Sutton thought she’d be, but Sutton doesn’t take the bait, and says she doesn’t think Teddi is boring.

Here it comes, in 3… 2… 1…

Andy says, Brandi dropped a bombshell that was like throwing a glass of wine at Denise. I guess he couldn’t come up with anything more clever, having pandemic brain. He says, the truth is everybody and anybody’s guess, and we flash back to all the Brandi bullsh*t. I shove cookies in my mouth. My husband decides to sit down and watch for a moment, and I tell him not to talk, and expect me to yell at the TV. Denise doesn’t even flinch as we stroll down Brandi’s Memory Lane. Andy says Denise claimed she barely knows Brandi, but Brandi showed the women a year’s worth of texts. There seemed to be a deeper connection. He asks if she has an explanation, and she says for every ten texts Brandi sent, she had one response. He asks if Denise has contacted Brandi, but Denise says she never did. Brandi was an acquaintance, and Denise was always nice to her. LisaR asks why Denise didn’t call Brandi from Rome, and Denise says Brandi isn’t a friend of hers. LisaR says Denise can’t keep lying, and Denise says LisaR can’t keep playing the same card in this game. She’s not friends with Brandi. Kyle says, not now. Andy says when Denise was asked about Brandi at Bravocon, she’d said they were friendly. We see a clip of Denise saying just that, and Denise says she had no reason to say anything negative. Andy is trying to discredit this, and it’s not cool. Andy says Denise called Brandi a friend. Will someone get that man a dictionary? Being friendly toward someone and being their friend are two different things. Denise says she didn’t, and they never socialized. With the exception of Garcelle, every single one of these twats twits asks, where is Brandi? and LisaR says, this is bullsh*t. Yes, it certainly is, and she heads the bull herd.

LisaR says Denise isn’t being upfront, and runs from the truth. Garcelle says LisaR didn’t like that Denise didn’t give her a satisfactory answer. Erika asks if Denise stopped Brandi from being at the reunion, and I say, she’s not on the show. Denise says, Brandi’s not on their show, and my husband marvels at my ESP abilities. Andy says there was a meeting, and they didn’t feel Brandi had anything else to add. After Brandi said she licked bleepity-bleep-bleep, there was nowhere else to go. They’d heard enough. What more was there to add? Denise says, they don’t know about the stuff Brandi sent her; it was so inappropriate. It was harassment. Dorit says if she was in this situation, she wouldn’t want to be around Brandi, and LisaR says Denise shouldn’t have done it. Denise says, done what? and LisaR says what she did with Brandi. Dorit says she believes Denise, but the problem is Denise giving them little bits, like when she said Brandi claimed to have slept with someone in the group. We flash back to that, and Kyle says it wasn’t her. I wonder why Kyle keeps assuming it was her, and again think if it’s anyone, it’s Kim. Andy asks why Denise wouldn’t say who it was, and Denise says, it’s not just one person. Brandi said there was one in the group, but also someone on the outside, who the group knows. She’s not saying who it is, and everyone – again minus Garcelle, since she’s actually a decent human – goes, say it! say it! like they’re five. Denise says it has nothing to do with her, and she doesn’t care what people think. She doesn’t give a sh*t. Kyle says, you can’t have a friendship without honesty. Andy asks, what about Denise talking sh*t about the women? and Denise says Brandi called her after she did Teddi’s podcast, and Denise said she thought Teddi was a sh*t stirrer. She never called Erika a cold bitch, but said Erika was condescending. She brought up LisaR, and Brandi asked why Denise’s friend had turned on her, and that was pretty much all she said. Teddi brings up how, in Denise’s interview, she said she’d called Teddi way worse things. Either say it and own up to it, or lie. Denise says, likewise, and beating a dead horse until it’s dead a second time, Andy asks what’s the worst thing Denise said about Teddi? Denise repeats, that Teddi is a sh*t stirrer, and LisaR says, after Rome, she said she didn’t like Teddi. Denise says the women are vicious, and LisaR says she thinks the cover-up is worse than the crime. Like this is some kind of high espionage and not a load of nonsense.

Next time, more rubbish. The cease and desist is discussed, Denise says don’t ask her husband questions they don’t want the answers to, and Denise is asked if she’s willing to show the text messages.

🎃 After this show, I had to watch Tyler Perry’s Boo! A Medea Halloween just to cleanse my mind. I was surprised to see the dude who played Brady in Too Close to Home in a blink-and-you-miss-him part.

👠 The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City debuts on November 11^th. It looks promising, and I hope it’s not just another mean girl fest.

🙋🏻 She’s Gone, Girl…

Apparently, Denise has had enough. Will Garcelle honor her end of the pact?

https://people.com/tv/denise-richards-is-leaving-rhobh/

https://www.cheatsheet.com/entertainment/rhobh-denise-richards-leaving-housewives-beverly-hills.html/

The wise and powerful LVP wants to give Denise an audience.

https://www.cheatsheet.com/entertainment/rhobh-lisa-vanderpump-wants-to-talk-denise-richards-rough-time.html/

⚰️ Let’s Talk About Dead, Baby…

Releasing the Dead.

https://www.denofgeek.com/tv/the-walking-dead-season-11-finale-end-release-date/

Spinning the Dead off. Please, they picked the two people who have the least dialogue? If anyone deserves a spin-off, it’s Ezekiel, Eugene, and Princess.

https://www.denofgeek.com/tv/the-walking-dead-daryl-and-carol-spinoff/

The text heard round the graveyard.

https://www.denofgeek.com/tv/the-walking-dead-origin-of-the-zombie-outbreak/

✂️ Cutting Out…

For the first time in what feels like forever, I’m getting a haircut tomorrow. I haven’t been this excited about something since I got my last haircut, and thought someone would actually see it. Until RHONY reunites, stay safe, stay bold, and stay owning it better than LisaR.