What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital – Thursday

Carly asks Nell to hold her calls. Sonny walks in to her office.

Jason asks Curtis what he found on Sonny. Curtis says he’s just following leads, and Jason asks what he’s got.

Dante tells Lulu they have someone in custody she’s been thinking about for a while. It’s Daphne.

Nina asks Maxie when she was going to let her know that Charlotte wasn’t her niece. Imagine her surprise when she found out from Griff. Maxie says Claudette lied to all of them. She knows Nina is disappointed, but she’ll be Georgie’s step-aunt soon. Nina says she wants to know what’s happening when it involves her baby brother. Maxie says she’s been busy having just been kidnapped, and since Nathan had to save her, he’s been busy too. She tells Nina that The Beard was after Claudette, and no doubt he’s tracking her down now. Nina says karma is a bitch and so’s Claudette. Maxie says she kind of feels sorry for Claudette; it’s a bad move to cross Valentin Cassadine.

Griff calls from work to check up on Charlotte. Nathan approaches the desk, and Griff says he knows it’s awkward. Nathan says it was Claudette who lied to him, not Griff. He tells Griff that someone has been asking questions about Charlotte. Griff asks who. Nathan tells him that child services is concerned about how she’s being taken care of. Until her birth certificate is found, she’s a ward of the state.

Valentin tells Anna he’s been expecting her. He introduces himself, and she says they’ve met before, haven’t they? Valentin says not unless it’s in a past life, and Anna asks why he’s been expecting her then. He says he’s investigated her background and lists her credentials. He asks what she wants. She tells him she wants a direct answer to a simple question – why is he here?

Lulu asks how they found Daphne. Dante says she was in Auckland using a phony passport and Robert had her sent to Port Charles. He wants Lulu to be in on the questioning.

Jason tells Curtis that they want the same thing- the truth. Curtis says Jason just wants Sonny exonerated and tells him not to front. Jason says he’s not fronting; he just wants honesty.

Sonny asks for privacy, but Carly says they have work to do. He says it won’t take long. He’s set up a foundation in Morgan’s name for kids with mental illness. He tells Carly that maybe she can get some contributions at church. Nell leaves, and Carly looks at the paperwork, saying Sonny can’t afford to give this much. He says it’s the right thing to do. She reminds him of how he opened the hospital wing when Stone died and he had to make sense of the tragedy. She says there’s no making sense of this one. He can start a hundred foundations, but it won’t bring Morgan back or absolve Sonny. Sonny says he knows that and found another way to clear his conscience.

Carly asks what Sonny means. He says he’s been going back to church and he’s hoping that it brings him peace. Carly hopes so too. He asks if she means it, and she says she does. He says he’d like to say a few words at the funeral, and she tells him of course. He says take care, and leaves.

Outside, Nell tells Sonny that the foundation is a beautiful idea and Morgan would be proud. He says he wishes that were true.

Griff tells Nathan that Charlotte is his daughter, and if she gets taken away from him, how can he protect her? Nathan tells him to take a DNA test immediately.

Anna asks what Valentin’s intentions are. He says he wants to reconnect with his family. Anna says he’s had years to do that. She asks again why he’s there, and he asks if she’s always so suspicious, and why she thinks he’s there.

Dante and Lulu go into the interrogation room. Lulu tells Daphne that they have questions. Daphne says she’ll tell them anything they want to know. Lulu asks why she was on the island, and Daphne says she lives there. Lulu says no one has lived in the house for years. Dante asks why Valentin hired her, but she says he didn’t; it was Helena. She paid Daphne to come to the island. She wanted Daphne to bear her grandchild. That’s right. Helena just picked out some random woman for this job. Okay.

Curtis says Jason would bury any evidence against Sonny. Jason says Julian wants Sonny put away. Curtis says his job is not to tell the client what they want to hear; if Sonny is guilty, he’s guilty. Jason asks what Curtis has on his phone. Curtis says he’ll save Jason and his hacker friend some trouble, and shows it to him, saying that’s all he needs.

Carly tells Nell that since there’s no body, she’s asked Michael and Dante for some of Morgan’s personal effects. She says he was proud of himself for getting into Vanderbilt and framed the acceptance letter. She says it’s in Sonny’s house and asks Nell to get it.

Griff says he doesn’t need a DNA test; he knows he’s Charlotte’s father. Nathan says once he gets one done, he can have his say. Griff wonders if that won’t alert Valentin.

Maxie tells Nina about Valentin trying to kidnap Claudette. Nina says he was amazing… until Curtis arrived and they looked at his phone. Maxie thinks Nina might need police protection. Nina says revenge is the last thing on Valentin’s mind. Maxie asks if she saw him.

Anna tells Valentin that when someone with his record decides to visit the city, she likes to know their reason for being there. He says all of the charges were dismissed, and thinks there’s something she’s not telling him. Anna says the WSB was infiltrated by some members of his family, and asks if he is who he says he is. Until five years ago, there was nothing indicating he even existed.

Daphne tells Dante and Lulu that her brother worked as a guard on the island. Helena’s eldest son had passed way, but she still had an embryo. She set Daphne up, paying all of her expenses, and all Daphne had to do was carry the embryo to term. Lulu says she’s the child’s mother. She asks where her child is, but Daphne says there isn’t one. She never carried the embryo. When Helena came back from Paris, she said the deal was off. Daphne says it was as if she was defeated. Lulu asks if she used someone else. Daphne tells her that Helena said the embryo was no longer viable and had been disposed of.

Nathan tells Griff that the DNA test might raise red flags, but if he doesn’t get it done, child services will take Charlotte. Nathan leaves, and Griff asks a nurse how long it would take for test results. She tells him 90 days, and he asks her to find Brad Cooper.

Anna tells Valentin there’s no one to verify who he says he is; Helena and Victor are both dead. He says he’ll consent to a DNA test. He tells her that he’s the product of an illicit affair, and other than a scribble in a diary, there’s no proof he exists. Anna says he’s quite connected, and either has a crack legal team or a maleable judge. It would be inconvenient if she discovered and exposed his contacts. She tells him that it’s about public safety, but he says she ripped the veil off the threat. She asks him to leave Port Charles without making trouble, or she’ll make trouble for him. She says she’d believe him if it wasn’t for Nicholas. She tells him that she knows his type. She’s sorry he was treated cruelly by his family but the minute he got power, he inflicted cruelty on others, which makes him no different than the rest of the Cassadines. He’s a forgotten, insignificant little man lashing out at the world, because his daddy didn’t love him. Wow. He tells her to shut up.

Jason tells Curtis that the connection is flimsy at best. Curtis says the chemicals used aren’t available in this country, but they are near an island owned by Sonny. Jason says it’s still no connection, and Curtis tells him not yet.

Sonny talks to Diane on the phone. He says he needs his whole family taken care of – now. He hangs up, saying his family will never have to see him again. He sees Nell in the doorway.

Anna asks Valentin if she touched a nerve. He apologizes for the outburst. I thought he was pretty restrained, considering. She tells him that her advice is not to stick around, and he advises her to avoid his family as a topic of conversation. She says she’s come to put him on notice and she did. If someone gets so much as a paper cut and she thinks he’s behind it, she’ll have him locked up. She suggests he leave Port Charles. After she’s gone, he throws something at the door.

Maxie wants Nina to get a bodyguard, but Nina says she’s overreacting. She says they’re not going to tell Nathan. In true soap opera fashion, Nathan is suddenly there and says, tell me what?

Lulu asks Daphne if Helena might have given the embryo to someone else. Daphne says Helena was never quite the same, and kept saying that Stavros wouldn’t live on. An officer comes for Daphne, and she tells Lulu that she’s sorry for her loss. Lulu tells Dante that now they know what the envelope meant. If Helena couldn’t use the embryo, they couldn’t either, and she wanted them to know it.

Jason checks on Carly. She hugs him and thanks him. She says Sonny wants to speak at Morgan’s funeral. Jason is surprised, and Carly says she is too, but she wan’t going to say no. She tells Jason about the foundation. Jason asks if the figures are correct and says it’s a lot of money. Carly says that’s typical of Sonny to clear his conscience that way. Jason wonders if something else is going on.

Sonny asks how much Nell heard. She says most of it. He asks what she thought she heard. She doesn’t want to speculate, but thinks it might be legal trouble because of the accident, and he might skip town. She says it’s none of her business, but shouldn’t his family know? He says they might not approve, and asks her to forget what she thinks she heard.

Nell thinks that Carly and Michael deserve to know if Sonny is leaving. Sonny tells her that all his life he just wanted to be a good father, but he’s caused too much pain. She says she’s seen how much his family loves him. He asks her to let him grieve in his own way. Nell says that it’s not her place, and he might decide to stay. After he leaves though, she’s going to tell them. Sonny says it won’t matter. She goes upstairs to finish her errand. Sonny signs a note and leaves it on the desk for Carly.

Jason thinks something else is going on with Sonny. Carly thinks it could be a manic episode, but Jason says he’s taking his meds. He’s in a bad way and hasn’t slept. Carly says she hasn’t either, and she can’t be the one to take care of Sonny when she’s barely holding it together herself. She says Sonny planted a bomb and the bomb killed Morgan. End of story.

An officer tells Curtis that the commissioner wants a word and he has to come to the station.

Lulu tells Dante that maybe it’s time to let it go and close the door for good. She says she thought about Olivia’s premonition, and that maybe she had a daughter out there. Dante says if there was, he’d move heaven and earth to find her. Lulu says she’s learned by losing Morgan and watching Dante grieve, that they’re blessed to have Rocco, and she’s grateful for the family they have.

Nathan makes Nina promise that if Valentin calls her, to tell him right away. She says Valentin knows that he has no chance of another shot with her.

Valentin takes out a locked box.

Griff gets his mouth swabbed. Anna runs into the hospital. She tells Griff that she paid Valentin a visit. She says he never once mentioned Claudette or Charlotte, but that she’s certain he’s hiding something dangerous.

Tomorrow, Nell finds something in Morgan’s room, Griff decides to leave the priesthood, and Jordan tells Curtis that he’s in trouble.

General Hospital – Friday

Sam and Jason wait in a parking lot for Pete to show up. Jason says everything points to Sonny, but something doesn’t add up, and it’s probably staring them right in the face.

Ava talks to Kiki. Kiki isn’t sure if she’d be welcome at Morgan’s funeral. The one thing Carly asked her to do was not lead Morgan on if she had feelings for Dillon, but she did it anyway.

Nell brings the acceptance letter to Carly’s office. She also found what she thinks might be his journal.

Curtis asks Jordan what she wanted to see him about. She says he broke the law by taking the picture of the police file, and now has to face the consequences.

Anna tells Griff that child services is following up, but she knows the case worker, so they can postpone things. Griff says he should have the results by then. Anna thinks Valentin is planning something, but doesn’t know what.

Valentin visits Alexis, who has decided to take him up on the job offer.

Jordan tells Curtis that it’s too bad Valerie had to learn the hard way about him. He tells her that the file falling was an accident, and he took a picture by instinct. He asks her to leave Valerie out of it, but she says Valerie’s career is probably over, and at the least, she’ll face charges.

Kiki asks Ava to put the feud with Carly to rest for the day. Ava says Carly is being inappropriate to blame Kiki for Morgan’s state of mind. She says whenever Carly sees Kiki from now on, it will be a reminder, and how long should she endure it? She tells Kiki this is no life for her. Kiki says no one is looking for a server who spontaneously bursts into tears. Carly might not like her, but she gets it. Ava thinks she should go back to school or go abroad for a semester. Kiki asks if Ava is trying to get rid of her. Kiki says she can handle seeing Carly, but Ava says she’s not the only one who worries her. Morgan does too.

Carly looks at the book and says Morgan wasn’t the journaling type, since he always said what was on his mind. Nell says it looked like he was trying to hide it. Carly asks if she read it, but Nell says only the first page. Carly opens it and says he started keeping it when he was in Freedman.

Anna tells Griff that they shouldn’t assume Valentin is just there for one reason; the Cassadines are multi-taskers. She says it was like being worked over by a professional interrogator who was keeping her off guard. She’s going to use her resources to delve into his background. Griff tells her that he’s calling the bishop. He’s going to leave the priesthood for good.

Alexis tells Valentin not call her Natasha or sis; they only have a professional relationship. He says he stands by his promise to leave if he’s not the heir. Alexis says she has questions for him, and it shouldn’t take her long to determine when he’s leaving Port Charles.

Ugh! Breaking news. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.

Jason tells Sam he’s been going over everything. He says the only thing that comes out as weird is Pete leaving the keys in the car and giving someone the opportunity to plant a bomb. I’d say that’s quite a lot. Sam suggests someone might have paid him. Jason sees that Pete just showed up for his shift and suggests they ask him.

Anna asks Griff if he’s sure. He says he’s been called to another life, and having only one person call him father might be easier. Ha-ha! A surgeon priest with a sense of humor. He believes God sends signs telling us His will, and Charlotte is the biggest sign he’s ever experienced. His path is more clear than it’s ever been.

Valentin and Alexis trade barbs. She asks about Nicholas signing over the title, and asks if there’s no quid pro quo. Valentin tells her that Nicholas was on the run and wanted to unload his assets, but she says it doesn’t make any sense. And Judge Judy says when something doesn’t make sense, it’s not true. Alexis didn’t mention that, but it is what Judy says. Alexis tells Valentin she could even accept it if his was the only recollection, but there’s Ava.

Ava tells Kiki she couldn’t have known what was going to happen, and Kiki says that’s what Sonny said. She says even if she didn’t know how much he was suffering, she should have been there for Morgan. She made things worse. Ava insists she’s not responsible and Kiki says, then who was? Ava flashes back to messing with Morgan’s meds. She says she knows exactly who’s responsible.

Carly asks Nell to stay. She reads from the journal. Morgan writes that Andre had asked him to keep it, and maybe it will be good for him. He’s done a lot of crazy things, but he’s starting to feel better, and wants to get out and try life again. He wants to be with Kiki and the people he loves. He writes that he’s bi-polar, and looking at the words, he has to accept it, but that doesn’t mean life is over. He says he wants his mother to be proud of him.

Jordan tells Curtis that she won’t take action against Valerie. She doesn’t want TJ’s uncle behind bars with his father either. She says he’s cleaned up his act with the drugs, but he’s still a user who only cares about himself.

Oh for the love of all that’s holy. Breaking news again. That can’t wait a whole half hour. Thanks, ABC.

Ava tells Kiki that Morgan was rational enough to pull over and was getting out of the car when he died. It’s Sonny’s fault, and Kiki should talk to Carly if she doesn’t believe Ava.

Carly says Morgan made an entry every day and next to it is a record of him taking his meds like he promised. He writes about getting out of Freedman and how he knows he can do this after Sonny talked to him. He goes on about finding Kiki with Dillon, but that they’re getting back together. Carly says everything sounds normal and happy. Until it’s not. He talks about the guy harrassing Kiki and how he backed off. Nell says the reaction sounds normal. Carly says he was in control of his illness. Until he wasn’t.

Here comes Pete. Sam gets out of the car. She tells him she’s Julian’s daughter. She says she thinks they can help each other out. She says the conversation can stay between the two of them. She wants his version of what happened the night Morgan was killed and offers him some cash.

Carly reads an entry about the baseball cap order. He says it wasn’t his fault, but he feels like a screw up. Everything feels off. He feels like he’s in a hole and doesn’t know why. He talks about discussing going back to school with Nell. Nell tells Carly she’s sorry. The writing changes; it’s as though he’s in a hurry. Carly says he was headed for a manic episode.

Ava tells Kiki that Morgan was going into a manic spiral and the events were inevitable, but if Sonny hadn’t planted the bomb, Morgan would be alive. Kiki asks who she’s trying to absolve, Kiki or herself?

Anna, Griff and Charlotte play cards. Griff suggess pizza, but Anna thinks they should go out. She says they have a trained agent with them. Her.

Valentin tells Alexis she’s a true credit to the Cassadines. She says no one ever said they were stupid. He says he should go, and she tells him not to stop until he gets to Greece. He remembers another document that he found in Greece, and gives it to her. She says it’s in Greek and he tells her have it translated. I’m shocked that neither one of them took the opportunity to say, “It’s all Greek to me.” Valentin says he’ll be in touch, and she tells him that she’s counting the minutes, closing the door in his face.

Sam tells Pete to think of it as severance pay. Pete says he has nothing to say, and Sam says maybe he should talk to Jason then. Pete asks if she’s threatening him, and she says no, that’s her husband’s job. Jason comes out and she leaves. Pete reconsiders, saying that they don’t even have to pay him. Jason asks what happened the night Julian’s car blew up.

Curtis says it was a mistake, but Jordan says it’s how he lives his life. He isn’t worthy of the badge, he has no morals or ethics. She says he’ll never work for the PCPD or any other jurisdiction close by. He says he’s not leaving Port Charles. She says fine, work for a lowlife, and tells Curtis that he’s finally found his calling. He calls her a hypocritical bitch.

Anna, Griff and Charlotte go to The Floating Rib. The test results are in, and Anna leaves to get the envelope. Griff makes fun of the high end menu with Charlotte. Valentin walks in and sits near them. Griff looks freaked.

Ava tells Kiki that she knows for a fact that Sonny is responsible. She hates seeing Kiki feel guilty. Kiki says she does feel guilty, but she’s not leaving Port Charles (today’s theme). She says she’s going to face what’s next, just like everyone else involved.

Carly tells Nell that Morgan’s handwriting gets worse and worse, until the entries are just short blurbs. Can’t think. Busted. Expelled. No one understands how I feel. Why can’t I do anything right? Tears slide down Carly’s face and she shakes her head.

Anna comes back to the table. Griff excuses himself, which surprises her. She opens the envelope. Griff goes to Valentin’s table and warns him to stay away from his daughter. Valentin says there’s a misunderstanding – Charlotte is his daughter. Thought so!

Curtis says Jordan acts high and mighty because she sacrificed so much to get where she is. He reminds her of every mistake she’s made, and says that she likes putting him down because of her cheating on Tommy. He tells her that if he’s in the gutter, she’s with him.

Jason asks Pete why he left Julian’s car with the keys in it and walked away. All of a sudden, Pete falls to the ground. Jason ducks next to a car.

Carly sees check marks for every day, even the last entry. Nell says Morgan never stopped taking his meds, and Carly says that she thought it was the only way he could spiral. Nell wonders if he faked it in case someone looked at the journal. Carly says he kept his vow and didn’t understand why it wasn’t working. Nell wonders if the medication needed adjusting. Carly doesn’t get how it cold go so badly, so quickly, unless there was something wrong with the medication.

Kiki has to get back to work and says she’s sincere in thanking Ava for stopping by. Ava gets a text from “Blocked.” I saw you. I know what you did to Morgan. Hmm… Nell perhaps?

On Monday, Carly tells Sonny she found something, Elizabeth asks Franco for a favor, and Charlotte sees Valentin.

Z Nation

A group of dudes drive an RV into a cluster of zombies.

Doc screws around with the engine of the ice cream truck. Kaya comes on the radio, playing a song for Operation Bite Mark. Addie says they need to find a transmitter to get in touch with Citizen Z and Kaya. Doc wants to get in touch with Kaya and tell her to play some Hendrix.

They hear a siren and a limo drives up. It’s Sketchy and Skeezy from many episodes ago. Doc says he thought they were dead, and asks what kind of luck that is. Addie says dumb luck.

Doc and Addie get in the limo and have a cocktail, while two motorcyclists work on the truck. Skeezy explains that they claimed the limo from the Bill Clinton museum and they should see what was found in the cushions. Sketchy says they heard about Murphy, and asks if they’re joining him. Doc tells him that he and Addie were checking out another group, and Sketchy says they’re all going the same way. He says friends don’t let friends drink and drive, and suggests they ride with him, calling it a presidential motorcade. Addie wonders what these two goons are up to now.

The limo follows Skeezy driving the truck, with the two motorcyclists ahead of him. Sketchy has Doc and Addie put on shades and they pull up to a building that used to be a large store. Skeezy announces the President of the United States, Sketchy, whose real name is Thurston Howell. There’s no one there for the rally though.

Sketchy says they’re just afraid, and changes the music. The motorcyclists turn into stripper cheerleaders. People start to come out from the recesses of the building. One introduces herself as the Mayor. Sketchy thanks her for her service and introduces Skeezy as Jefferson, his spiritual adviser. He sets up a podium and makes a state of the union address.

He says they’ve seen better days. He tells them that he knows they’ve heard the government has run off, but together they can get America working again and control the socialist zombie menace. A zombie comes out of nowhere and grabs him, but gets taken down. Sketchy says he’s willing to lay down his life because lost causes are worth dying for. Everyone applauds and the Mayor calls him Mr. President. Doc suggests it’s Mr. Smith Goes to the Apocalypse.

The Mayor says when their well dried up, most of the people left. They’re what’s left of South Dakota. Addie hasn’t been able to find a radio. She tells Doc that Sketchy is going to rip these people off. A woman named Erin runs up to Sketchy saying her husband is sick. He takes a picture with her, gives her a pin, and tells her good luck.

Doc talks to Erin. He says he’ll do what he can.

The Mayor asks how do they know he’s really the President? She asks who voted for him. Skeezy pulls out a scroll. Sketchy says he was billionth in line for the presidency, and everyone ahead of him is dead. He shows her his POTUS underwear.

Erin leads Doc to the quarantine section. She tells him people started getting sick about a week ago. She takes Doc to her husband. Doc looks at the man’s eyes, which are weird and yellow. The Mayor says they all have it; it’s first sign that something is wrong. Doc asks if they’ve been bitten, and she says not to her knowledge. He says the only thing they can do is let it run it’s course. He has no clue what it means.

Addie asks how it went, but Doc says there’s nothing he can do. Sketchy is making a speech about he store being an American enterprise. He says their fear turns them into monsters. He doesn’t want them to be afaid, but needs their help. He wants to build a wall to keep the zombies out and make the zombies build it.

Sketchy shows a map with an illustration of where he’ll build the wall. He says let’s make America America again. He explains that they’ll need funding. Whatever they can give in trade – guns, ammo, drugs – no donation is too small or large. Erin starts to go forward. Addie tries to stop her, but she says someone is finally giving them hope. She gives Sketchy her wedding ring.

Sketchy says it’s like his mother used to tell him – and gets beaned with a shoe. A guy with a bad toupee comes out of the crowd and says he’s John J. Lannister, the next president. Skeezy tells Sketchy that he saw the zombies take Lannister down, and no one could have gotten away from that.

Outside, Doc tells Addie this reminds him of Black Summer, and how entire cities were wiped out in days. He wonders what’s making the people sick. Addie asks if it’s worth the risk of them getting sick and he tells her, why save the world if there’s no one to enjoy it?

The dudes in the RV take stock of their supplies, including a cattle prod.

Lannister chews out Sketchy for stealing everything from him, including his pom-pom girls. They start slapping each other and girl fighting. Skeezy holds Lannister down and Sketchy thanks everyone, saying they have to leave to build the wall. He says four score and seven years from now, they’ll see the wall.

Lannister comes out and says the people deserve a vote. He announces his candidacy and Sketchy says it’s not an election year. Lannister presents his own plan – a series of very large holes. He wants to use criminals as bait. The zombies fall in the holes and eat the criminals. Lannister insists on a debate. Sketchy agrees. Lannister says they need a neutral moderator and calls out Addie.

Addie asks if it isn’t true thatthey’re both shameless con artists. Sketchy says he didn’t have con artist relations with this man. Lannister says zombies can’t be trained. Sketchy calls Lannister a flip flopper. They use all of the classic debate lines.

Doc tends to the sick and a man runs by yelling for help. He runs into the debate room, telling them that everyone in the neighboring town of Rosebud is dead and turned zombie. The Mayor says that’s their water supply. The man keels over. Doc tries to revive him. Erin tells Sketchy to do something. She’s not looking too good either. Sketchy says he’s going to kill the zombies first. Everyone applauds.

The zombie town of Rosebud is arriving. Lannister grabs a sword and Sketchy has a gun. Sketchy tells Skeevy that if he doesn’t come back, to kill Lannister. They go outside, following a zombie into another building. Sketchy tries to shoot the zombie, but the gun doesn’t work. Addie has followed and kills the zombie, as Sketchy and Lannister watch from behind a pillar. As she’s beating the crap out of the zombie, they run out the door.

Doc has no luck in reviving the man. The Mayor says he’s gone and Doc can stop now. The man immediately turns, and Doc gives him mercy.

Sketchy and Lannister come back. Sketchy brags that he killed the zombie and Lannister says he’s lying.

Doc starts to notice everyone’s eyeballs getting yellow.

The dudes in the RV say that no matter how much they beg, no mercy. Who are these guys?

Doc hot wires a mototcyle.

Sketchy and Lannister are back at their debate. Addie asks what Sketchy has done for the country, and says America has gone to the zombies. Silence. Sketchy asks when was the last time they paid taxes and says they’re welcome. A vote is taken.

Doc rides to Rosebud. He goes into the first house he sees. Not much there. He goes into the backyard and finds a shed with a makeshift skull and crossbones sign on it. He walks in. There are bodies everywhere. The people have committed suicide.

Doc checks out the water pump, but the water is brown. He looks at some pipes rigged up by the pool and follows them. He reaches into a water tank and pulls out a zombie head. Yuk! He goes back to the shed and examines the bodies more closely. They have yellow eyeballs.

Sketchy and Lannister continue to debate. I thought we were voting. Addie is snoozing off. Doc runs in and knocks the cup out of Lannister’s hand. He tells them that the water is contaminated and that there was a zombie head stuck in the filter. The Mayor says it’s their only water source, and they’ll die. Doc says they’re already dying and sees that everyone’s eyeballs are turning yellow. The Mayor says not everyone is sick, and Doc tells her that this zombie stuff is unpredictable.

Lannister says Sketchy is using his tactics to manipulate, a prime example of government overreach. Doc tells him that he’s insane and he’s trying to help these people live. The Mayor asks Sketchy what he thinks. Sketchy says there’s not enough proof and the matter needs more study. Doc says if they want to die, drink the water.

Addie tells Sketchy that this is real. People are in danger, so drop the act and help them.

Doc grinds something in a cup. The Mayor tells him it’s over anyway, but he says there’s always hope. He gives her some ground charcoal, saying it will bind the poison. She’s like, really? and he says he saw it on Naked and Afraid, and hopes it works.

Addie packs up. Sketchy tells her he wants to be a good person, but before she can answer, the RV dudes come running in. They tell everyone that these guys are con artists.

The zombie horde of Rosebud shuffles toward the town.

Doc sees the Mayor’s eyes clear up. She says she feels better, and he was right about the water.

The RV leader calls them treasonous charlatans, and asks what they have to say for themselves. Sketchy makes a snarky remark. Everyone grabs guns and there’s shooting back and forth . A cheerleader whacks the RV leader in the head. Doc tells Addie that it’s politics as usual. The zombies enter. The Mayor yells at them to quit shooting at each other.

The cheerleaders are taken down immediately. Doc grabs Addie, and she says time to go. He asks about the others, but sees that it will be okay when he and the Mayor exchange glances. Doc and Addie run out and get in a car where miraculously, the keys are in the visor.

Skeezy says he can’t live without his cheerleader love until he sees she’s a zombie, and then says let’s go. He and Sketchy run out, but the car is already moving. Doc accidentally knocks down some tanks of oil. Sketchy, Sleezy and Lannister (sounds like a law firm) slide around in it, smacking at each other. Addie asks if Doc wants to go back for them, but he says he hates politics.

Addie says she just wants to find Lucy and get the apocalypse over with. They pass the South Dakota sign.

The Mayor gives charcoal to the others, and they get better almost instantly. Erin and her husband are leaving, but want to know who won the election. The Mayor says that everyone wrote the same thing – that weed doctor.

We see a giant US flag hanging from the ceiling. The stars are in a “Z.”

Next time, Murphy wants 10K to spy on Roberta, Roberta thinks they need an army, and a renegade hand causes trouble. I mean a real hand. Like a hand detached from a body.

Quotes of the Week

I wrote “loan” because it was not a loan. – Plaintiff on Judge Judy.

My dear boy, have you ever tried acting? – Laurence Olivier to Dustin Hoffman when he stayed up for four days in a row in preparation to play his sleep-deprived character in Marathon Man.

After all human beings are like that. When they are alone they want to be with others and when they are with others they want to be alone. – Gertrude Stein, Paris France, 1940

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. – Marie Curie

🔊  Recommended: Channel Zero: Candle Cove on the SyFy network. An odd and creepy series about a TV channel that’s come back to haunt the adults who once watched it as children. Candle Cove had been a TV show that wasn’t listed in the TV Guide, starring some weird, badly made puppets. When the kids watched the show, real life murders happened. And it’s happening again.