Tag Archives: soap opera

Mar26

March 25, 2016 — Double the GH & Quadruple Couch Quotes

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital — Thursday

Maxie and Nathan are getting busy. Maxie suddenly says she knows the truth about Claudette and she hates him. It’s just a dream.

IRL, Maxie tells Griffin she has a proposition for him.

Parker shows up at Alexis’s house. Kristina tells her to leave and Parker says it’s not that simple.

Hayden goes to Diane’s office and sees Nicholas sitting there.

Laura finds Elizabeth on the laptop and asks why she’s so upset.

Griff asks how Maxie’s ankle is and she says she didn’t even have to swear off heels for 24 hours. She tells him about the success of the real woman Crimson issue. She says it looks like the real men issue will be a go. He says he already told her that’s not his thing. She asks what’s up with him and why he’s being chilly. He says it’s because of her boyfriend.

Michael goes to Anna’s house and asks if there are any leads on Carrrlos. She says she doesn’t have anything. Michael is concerned that Anna might be tempted to use deadly force where Carrrlos is concerned.

Nicholas says Diane was filling him in, but Hayden can do a better job. Diane says Hayden assured her she was acting on Nicholas’s behalf and she was surprised to find out he had no knowledge of the ELQ transfer to her name, or that he would be against the idea. Nicholas asks to speak with Hayden alone. Hayden tells Nicholas she can explain, and he says he bets she can’t.

Lulu and Laura talk to Elizabeth about Helena’s will. Laura says all of her bequests had a riddle attached. Elizabeth says she hopes Laura tossed the key away, but Laura says she’s done some investigating and hopes to find out what it means.

Kristina asks why Parker is the one who’s married, yet she keeps showing up at Kristina’s door? Parker tells her about Max sniffing around and that it’s making her nervous. Kristina says she put a stop to it, so Parker has nothing to worry about. Parker says Kristina apparently hasn’t told her parents about her feelings and asks if she’s still struggling. Kristina asks why Parker just doesn’t admit she hates her, but Parker says far from it.

Griff says something about avoiding beautiful women and that he stays away from what he can’t have. I totally don’t get any of what he’s telling Maxie.

Anna says Carrrlos was with a woman at the last sighting, and she supposes it was Sabrrrina. .Michael says he tried calling her, but hasn’t heard back, so he assumes she’s still with Carrrlos. He’s concerned that Sabrrrina is being coerced into staying with him.

Laura tells the girls about her research on the key. Lulu says whatever it opens, she doesn’t want what’s inside. Elizabeth agrees and is thinking maybe Jake never needs to see the book Helena left either. Laura says she’s aware the key might open something horrible.

Nicholas says if the documents are executed, Hayden gets ELQ and can do what she wants with it. She says everything she did was for him and she can prove it.

Anna says every time she feels like she’s getting her bearings again, new information comes in. She says she’ll give Michael all the non-confidential information she has. He says they all would have been better off if someone had killed Carrrlos while they had the chance.

Michael leaves and runs into Griffin on the porch. Anna says he’s right on time and she has tea. He says she seems upset.

Nathan comes to the hospital and Maxie tells him about her conversation with Griffin and how he seemed to be holding something back.

Hayden says she had the papers drawn up in case the Quartermaines win the lawsuit. She says she was picking them up, but only his signature would have made them valid. He says her strategy is brilliant, but wonders why she kept the documents a secret. She says they all have their secrets and the beginning of their marriage was chaotic. She thought she’d wait until it was necessary for him to sign them. He says you can never be too prepared and thanks her for her concern and ability to think ahead. She says if it wasn’t because of the documents, why was he at Diane’s? He says to change his will.

Laura says not every encounter with Helena is toxic and she needs this final closure. Lulu asks where she’d even start looking and Laura says she has a good idea.

Parker says she was angry because Kristina threatened her career and marriage, but she never hated her. She wanted to reach out to her after the wedding and make sure she was okay. Kristina says it sounds like Parker really cares and she says she does. Kristina says Parker is giving her mixed messages and asks why Parker won’t leave her alone.

Maxie says Griff intimated that he found her attractive and didn’t want to be near what he couldn’t have. Oooh, I’m getting this now. Nathan says it’s his last day of medical restrictions. Maxie says he should be in bed and he says that’s what he was thinking. They leave.

Griff says he read that Duke was running Sonny’s organization when he died. Anna says that’s true and shows him a photo album. They go through the photos. Griff says they both look very happy. He says Anna must have had some conflict, being in law enforcement. She says their love was stronger than their differences and at the end, thought they should be together no matter what. They were about to leave town and she was meeting him at the pier at midnight. She starts to cry and tells Griff how she found Duke.

Laura says she’s starting in the attic and Lulu freaks out. She says she shouldn’t face what Helena left her by herself, so Lulu is going with her. Laura asks why Elizabeth is so quiet. Elizabeth says sometimes it’s better to know the truth even if it’s painful, which isn’t an answer. Lulu says they’ll leave a trail of bread crumbs.

They go upstairs and Elizabeth gets back on the laptop.

Nicholas says because of the prenup, if anything happens to him, Hayden won’t get what he feels she should. She asks if finding out about the papers has changed anything. He says no and they hug. Diane comes in and says it’s a better outcome than she thought it was going to be. Hayden says she’s leaving to let them conclude their business, and she’s leaving the papers. I’m not sure if I’m buying what Nicholas is saying though.

Griff says he’s glad Duke was trying to get out of the mob when he died. Anna says it was a difficulty for him, wanting to do the right thing, yet wanting the excitement and not trusting the law. Anna says he was a good man and she loved him with all her heart. She wishes he was there to meet Griffin and that he’d be over the moon to know he had a son. She says she wants there to be closure as far as Carrrlos goes, but there is none. Griff says real peace comes from forgiveness, but Anna says she could never forgive Carrrlos because he had no remorse. Griff says forgiveness is a gift from God. She says it’s a lovely sentiment, but doesn’t apply to her.

Lulu asks if Nicholas feels a Cassadine obligation to keep the attic as creepy and ominous as possible. It’s cobwebby and crowded with stuff. Amazingly, Laura finds a trunk in like two seconds.

Diane asks if Nicholas needs anything else from her. He asks what Hayden told her when the documents were originally drawn up. She confirms what Hayden said, and that it’s an effective strategy providing you trust the person you’re dealing with. She tells him not to sign the documents if he’s having any doubts about Hayden.

Hayden comes back to Windemere. She tells Elizabeth she should be packing, because when Nicholas gets home, he’s going to show her the door. Elizabeth says the only one leaving is Hayden, and she’s not coming back.

Parker asks Kristina if she needs to talk and Kristina tells her to just leave. Kristina says she doesn’t know who she is or what she wants, and Parker showing up just makes things worse. They kiss. Well, that’s not going to help anything.

Michael talks to Felix, who says since Sabrrrina had the baby, she hasn’t been communicative. Michael says Carrrlos is alive and Sabrrrina is with him. Felix says he should have realized what was going on. Michael says there has to be a way to find them and he has some ideas.

Maxie and Nathan are basking in the afterglow. She asks Nathan if he was jealous of her talking about Griffin. He says maybe a little. She says a little jealousy can be attractive.

Anna says she doesn’t want to talk about the bad stuff, she just wanted to share memories of Duke with Griff. He asks if there’s anything she wants to unburden herself of and she says he asks too many questions, and who is he really?

Nicholas tells Diane they’ll leave the will as is for now.

Elizabeth asks Hayden who she really is and calls her Rachel Berlin.

Laura puts the key in the trunk lock.Voila! It’s a fit.

Tomorrow, Nicholas confronts Elizabeth and Hayden, Kristina questions Parker’s motives and Carrrlos makes an appearance.

General Hospital — Friday

Griff says he knows pain and grief when he sees it and he thought Anna could find some peace in talking about it.

Carrrlos calls Paul. All Paul wants to hear is that Carrrlos is coming back to Port Charles.

Sonny brings Epiphany some flowers. She says she’s mad as hell about him lying to his family.

Parker steps back and says this can’t happen.

Elizabeth says everyone knows who Rachel Berlin is. She and her father were all over the media, along with the financial scandal. Elizabeth says she knows Hayden is Rachel, and Nicholas is going to know too.

Lulu reminds Laura of Pandora’s Box and how it unleashed all the evils into the world. Laura says there was hope at the bottom though. She opens the trunk.

Kristina says talk about mixed signals and I agree. Parker says the kiss wasn’t why she came there. Kristina asks if Parker likes seeing her embarrass herself. Parker says she needs to figure out her feelings in her own time. Kristina says Parker didn’t land on her porch by accident and she must have wanted something to happen between them. Again I agree. She could have just called.

Epiphany says she bets Carly was mighty pissed about Sonny lying. Sonny confirms that. He thanks Epiphany for keeping his secret. She says she had no choice because of staff/patient confidentiality. Sonny says he thought it was because she liked him. Epiphany says Sonny flatters himself and she got into trouble with Dr. Monroe. He’d asked for a patient evaluation and could probably tell in 10 seconds that Sonny could walk.

Paul says the deal remains the same. Carrrlos comes back to Port Charles and testifies against Julian in exchange for immunity.

Anna tells Griff if he’s thrown in with Paul, he’s made a mistake. Griff says there’s no conspiracy going on. Anna throws out some theories, but Griff says he’s who he says he is and he wants her to run a DNA test. He wants Anna to trust him.

Lulu says all that’s in the trunk is a book. It’s a textbook. An introduction to law enforcement and criminal justice that belonged to Scotty.

Hayden says fine, but she’ll tell Nicholas. Elizabeth doesn’t trust her. She begs Elizabeth to let her handle it. Nicholas comes in and asks what’s going on.

Griff gives Anna the teacup he was drinking out of. Griff says he’s sorry she thought he was trying to get her to confess something. He says it’s clear that something is weighing heavy on her. He says she should try to find a way to forgive herself.

Paul says there’s nothing pretty about life on the run. Carrrlos says it’s his life. Paul says he can be free if he comes back. Carrrlos says the only way he and his family can be safe is if he stays away. He adds that Sonny would like to dance on his grave.

Griff is late for his appointment with Sonny. Epiphany says that he’s usually conscientious and must have a good reason. Sonny balks at her making an excuse for anyone and asks if she’s in love. She says the only one she loves is Milo.

Lulu asks what the connection is between Scotty and Helena. Laura says Scotty has no connection to Helena, other than handling her will. She says Scotty was in law school when they were first married. She bought him all kinds of law books and ended up getting them in the ditch financially. Lulu asks what she did to get them out, and Laura says she took a job at the disco…where she met Luke.

Hayden says Elizabeth is still in love with Nicholas and trying to spin lies. After some argument, Elizabeth says that Hayden’s name is really Rachel Berlin and her father is the infamous Raymond Berlin, who bilked his clients out of millions. Nicholas asks Hayden if it’s true.

Hayden says yes. Nicholas says her father isn’t dead then. Hayden says that he did have a heart attack, but recovered. He says she told him her mother was dead too. Hayden says she wanted nothing to do with them, so they were dead to her. She says she did everything she could to escape her reputation. Nicholas says she also escaped prosecution for her part in her father’s crimes. I’m re-hating Elizabeth right now.

Lulu says the treasure hunt is over. Laura says she wants to stop playing games with a dead woman and throws down the book. Lulu sees something fall out of it.

Parker says she is attracted to Kristina, but she loves her wife, and being attracted to someone doesn’t mean you have to act on it. She says she realizes how Kristina must have felt led on, and she should have called instead. She says Kristina has to figure out what it is she wants. Kristina says she wants Parker. (You go, Glen Coco!)

Carrrlos says Anna and Paul want him dead. Paul says Anna would rather see Julian in jail. Carrrlos says Paul has already proven he can kill, despite what Sloane had done, and he wants to stay far away from him. Paul asks why he called, and Carrrlos says his payment is late. He tells Paul he’d better get the money asap and to say hello to Anna for him.

Anna knocks at Paul’s door and asks if he’s any closer to finding Carrrlos.

Griff shows up at the hospital. He tells Sonny sorry he’s late, but he was talking about Duke to Anna. Sonny says Anna usually doesn’t open up about her personal life. Griff said she probably made an exception because he’s Duke’s son.

Kristina says up until she met Parker, she thought she knew who she was. When they clicked, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. She says the labels don’t matter. All she knows is that she wants to be with Parker. Parker says it’s all the more reason. She’s probably had feelings for women before, and Parker is safe because she’s unattainable. She says she’s sorry for all of it and Kristina should explore that side of herself without fear and shame. And without her.

Griff tells Sonny about the DNA test. Sonny brings up how they first met and how easy it was to talk to Griff. He tells Griff what a wonderful guy Duke was and that’s probably where he gets it from.

Anna tells Paul about how she thought Griff was trying to get her to confess something. She says nothing with Carrrlos has been resolved and she feels that it’s making her paranoid. She says she’s going to use her own resources to bring Carrrlos in.

Laura says she’s giving in. Lulu says she might want to rethink that and shows her the book. An old wrist corsage is sticking out of it. Laura says it’s from a formal she went to with Scotty. Lulu asks if anything unusual or special happened. Laura says no, except it was the last happy time in their marriage. Laura says they were young and in love, but it was before Helena, so why would she point Laura in hat direction?

Nicholas says Rachel’s clients want restitution. Elizabeth says Hayden reinvented herself so she could hang on to the money. Hayden says she lost everything and did what she could to survive. Elizabeth said she could have gone anywhere. Hayden says she was in Beecher’s Corners when Rick approached her about pretending to be Jake Doe’s wife. She says she couldn’t pass up the money. Nicholas says she must have been very happy to meet him, a prince who’s loaded.

Laura thinks there must be something else in the trunk. Lulu says what if there’s another key and another lock and another trunk and it keeps going. She says who knows what Helena meant by “you’ll find what you lost.” It could be like Rosebud from Citizen Kane. Laura finds nothing else and starts to thumb through the book.

Hayden tells Nicholas they should talk alone. Nicholas says no wonder she had the papers drawn up. He asks if she was going to use ELQ to pay back the clients or ingratiate herself back into the financial world. She says she had no clue what her father was doing. Nicholas says even if that’s true, why didn’t she just tell him instead of letting Elizabeth figure it out? Hayden says that she was afraid the marriage would be over before it began.

Paul asks if she’s willing to sacrifice everything to put Julian and Carrrlos behind bars. She says she wants justice for Duke and doesn’t care if she loses her own freedom in the process.

Sonny says Duke would have been hella proud that he had a son. Griff says it wasn’t in God’s plan. Sonny says God had nothing to do with it, that Carrrlos shot him. Griff says he’s going to tell Sonny the same thing he told Anna; he should forgive the man who killed Griff’s father.

Anna says there’s no guarantee anything Paul will do is going to help. She says he has his own best interests at heart and she can’t allow her own desire for freedom to get in the way of justice anymore. She tells Paul they’re done and leaves.

Paul calls someone and says he has a juicy tip, but they didn’t hear it from him. He says the PCPD made a mistake identifying Carrrlos’s body and he’s still alive.

Griff says he’s been angry and he let bitterness fester in his blood until he realized forgiveness would set him free. He says violence isn’t going to bring Sonny peace or honor Duke. He says to leave Carrrlos in God’s hands and rise above revenge.

Kristina asks what she’s supposed to do with her feelings. Parker says part of Kristina’s confusion is because of her, but because she’s not attainable, not because she’s a woman. She says sexuality is just part of the extraordinary woman Kristina is becoming. They hug and Parker says good-by.

Laura sees letters circled throughout the book. Lulu says what if it’s even more complicated and it’s encrypted. Laura says she’ll figure it out and now she has all the pieces of the puzzle.

Elizabeth puts in her two cents and Hayden asks her to gloat in another room. She tells Nicholas to be careful and leaves. Hayden says she was ashamed and humiliated and needed to be someone else. She says all she wanted, and still wants, from Nicholas is to love and be loved. She says the one big truth is that no matter who she is, she loves him. Oh come on, Nicholas.

Tomorrow, Elizabeth tells Laura all hell is breaking loose, Nicholas wonders what else Hayden is lying about, and Paul wants to renew his relationship with Ava.

The People’s Couch Quotes of the Week

Every time I see his head, I think it’s computer generated. — Budd, referring to Todd Chrisley on Chrisley Knows Best.

The blonde always wins. — Brandy, referring to The Bachelor.

Is this The Bachelorette or The Bachelor? — Sue, referring to The Bachelor. I think.

If he’s this torn, how is he gonna decide? Is he gonna have a talent show? — Mackenna, referring to The Bachelor.

Mar24

March 23, 2016 — GH, Little Reunion, Little Women & Little Family

Posted on by
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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Kristina writes in her journal. She writes about Molly — telling her if she’s reading it to stop — saying that she’s glad to have someone to tell about Parker. Sonny drops by with an apology.

Obrecht says she’s been proven correct because Finn disappeared. Tracy suggests they get Obrecht fired before the next set of rounds, and asks Monica to find Finn — stat.

Carly hears a scream and a maid comes running out of one of the rooms, saying she’s not going in there again. It’s Finn’s room. I’m guessing she saw the iguana.

Nicholas is at Kelly’s. Laura comes by. They talk about the will reading. Laura says she’s looking for answers and thinks Nicholas should too.

Hayden calls Diane. She wants to know if the ELQ papers are ready. She says Nicholas wants to sign them and to text her when they’re ready. She types Naomi Dreyfus in the search engine of her phone. Elizabeth suddenly appears asking who Naomi is.

Hayden says she doesn’t know what kind of barn she was raised in, but she needs to learn manners, considering she’s a freeloader.

Laura says there was nothing random about Helena and he knows she must have had a plan. Nicholas says she left him the painting because she wants to torture his thoughts for life. Laura asks why he thinks she didn’t leave any of her money to him. He says he’s not going to give Helena a victory lap by concentrating on it and he wins by ignoring it. Laura says she wants to know what the key is.

Obrecht says at best Finn can be considered unorthodox. Tracy says he’s the one who was able to diagnose her and it’s in Obrecht and the hospital’s best interest to get him back immediately. Obrecht apparently knows more about lizards than I do, because she mentions that Roxie is a bearded dragon.

Carly says she wanted to welcome Finn to the hotel herself. He’s obviously looking for Roxie. He tells Carly the maid must have seen her. Carly says he checked in alone. He tells her Roxie is a service animal. Carly says they welcome service dogs. He says she’s a service lizard and orders a plain salad to lure her out. Carly notices how much he looks like Silas. He says he can assure her he’s not him.

Sonny tells Kristina he was too hard on her and it’s been bothering him. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but it broke his heart to see her cry and no matter what happened, he couldn’t love her more. Kristina hugs him and thanks him. She says he shouldn’t feel guilty; it was her own bad decision. He says he knows it must have been difficult to tell them, and he made it worse by being angry. He says he wasn’t really disappointed in her, but in himself for his reaction.

Sonny says she made a bad decision, but it takes two to tango and wonders what the professor did to let her think sex would be an option. Kristina says she just wants it to be over. Sonny says it’s too late, since he kind of did something already by sending Max to find out who the professor is.

An orderly comes in and has medication for Tracy. According to the chart, Monica ordered it.

Finn asks if the owner always greets the guests personally. Carly says she was just trying to make up for things with the health department closing them down. Finn asks if he should be concerned and Carly tells him what happened with Olivia. Finn says, hmm, a woman can be arrested for breastfeeding in Port Charles, but a service lizard is considered strange. Carly asks what Roxie does for him. He says it’s illegal to ask that question (learned something new today), but since she brought champagne and has had her own legal troubles lately, he won’t press charges.

Nicholas says Helena would be happy to see them running around like fools, trying to figure things out. He says her machinations only work if you believe in them. Laura brings up the curse and says who’s to say that it didn’t work. She tells him she took the key to an antiques expert and it’s from 19th century Russia, probably to a steamer trunk or valise. Nicholas says there’s probably a dozen trunks in the attic at Windemere and who knows where else, and it’s possible she’s left Laura a key to nothing.

Hayden says Elizabeth is nothing to Nicholas. She calls him her friend, but he’s really a fall-back plan. She doesn’t want him to find someone else in case she needs him. Elizabeth says it’s only a matter of time before they figure out what Hayden is trying to hide.

Finn finds Roxie behind Carly. Carly asks if she bites. Finn says only if she’s frightened or threatened or maybe if you’re a woman, since she’s a guy’s lizard. He tells Carly not to move. Silas catches Roxie and puts her back in her tank. I like seeing Michael Easton in this role.

Kristina says she doesn’t need Sonny making things worse. He says he thinks there’s something she’s not telling him, but she says she’s just humiliated. She says just because she’s a girl, she doesn’t need him to rescue her. She says she’s an adult and it’s her problem to fix. Sonny says he’s always going to want to be her hero, but if she wants to fix things herself, go ahead. He says she’s going to call Max though. Whose number she knows by heart. She calls Max and tells him to back off. She says she appreciates it, but she and Sonny came to an agreement.

Laura says she’s going to check the steamer trunks at Windemere, but she’s not going all over the globe. He says Helena wants her to believe it’s going to change her life. Laura says Helena wasn’t petty or frivolous, and she’s going to find out what the key means. She thinks he shouldn’t discount the painting either.

Hayden tells Elizabeth to focus on her brats and leave her and Nicholas alone. Elizabeth says she knows the truth is going to hurt Nicholas. Hayden tells her if she doesn’t back off, she’s going to have her kicked out. Elizabeth says if she makes Nicholas choose between them, she won’t like the answer. I dunno about that.

Carly says she can cross being introduced to a lizard off her bucket list. Finn says she likes Carly and Carly admits Roxie is cute. Carly leaves and Finn opens the champagne. He asks Roxie if she thinks they’re going to like their life in Port Charles.

Tracy reminds Obrecht she’s a board member and the Quartermaines have donated more money than anyone else. Obrecht agrees to give Finn temporary privileges. Tracy says it’s obvious she’s threatened by Finn and Monica. Obrecht says the conversation is counterproductive and leaves.Tracy thanks Monica for bringing Finn in.

Hayden says there’s no chance Nicholas would choose Elizabeth over his wife. Elizabeth brings up Nicholas hiring Sam and Hayden says he called the investigation off because he loves her. Elizabeth brings up the pre-nup. Hayden says Elizabeth tricked Jason into marrying her when he was married to someone else. Elizabeth says she could always find another place to live, but who would Hayden call if she got the boot? Naomi? I’m sure Hayden isn’t totally on the up and up, but I still like her a million times better than Elizabeth.

Kristina writes some more in her journal, mostly about her sexual confusion. She says she misses school, but doesn’t miss crushing on Parker, and that she must have seemed ridiculous. Parker, who has ESP, rings the bell.

Sonny tells Carly about his apology. She says Kristina must have been thrilled and he says, yeah, until he told her about Max. She asks how soon he called Max back and told him to keep digging. He says he thought about it, but didn’t do it. He says Kristina is like him, feisty, but vulnerable underneath. He says they had an honest conversation, she told him what she needed and he listened, and he feels like a good dad.

Carly fills him in on the whole hotel thing and tells him about Finn and Roxie. Sonny laughs about having a lizard as a service pet.

Monica calls Finn. She says they were surprised he left quickly, and he says he had to get Roxie settled. She asks if he’s available for another counsel. He says he’s planning on staying indefinitely. Monica says there will probably be bureaucratic red tape, but she and Tracy are high up. He says call back when she needs him.

Laura says she never listened to her mother’s opinions about her partners, so she doesn’t expect her kids to listen to hers. She says one day Spencer won’t listen to Nicholas either. He says he values her opinion even if he doesn’t agree, but wants to know what she’s afraid of where Hayden is concerned. Laura says she’s glad he has a good prenup. When she leaves, Nicholas makes a call and says he’s on his way.

Hayden’s phone rings and Elizabeth says if it’s Naomi, give her my best. It’s Diane and Hayden says she has to go. She says she doesn’t care how Elizabeth spins what happened, she’s telling Nicholas to get her and her boys out of the house. When she leaves, Elizabeth goes straight to the laptop to see what Hayden was searching for. The name Naomi Dreyfus-Berlin comes up and Elizabeth says omg.

Tomorrow, Hayden meets with Diane, Parker meets with Kristina, and Griff asks Anna what she won’t forgive.

Little Women: Atlanta — The Reunion

We are all glad to see the reunion is here at last. Because that means the first season of this show is finally over.

Terra is the hostess. She always looks fabulous and I have to say the Atlanta crowd is looking the best I’ve seen them. Maybe that’s because no one has their weave pulled out or a drink spilled on them. We start off with some flashbacks. There probably isn’t enough to talk about that would fill a whole hour.

Terra asks how it was watching the season. The only appropriate answer here would be embarrassing.

Minnie reaching out to her father for the DNA test is discussed. It’s tough on Minnie. Terra asks if she’s spoken to him and Minnie says yes, but he’s still at a distance and pushing her away. She says she’s forgiven him though, and if he wants a relationship, she’s game. I had a great dad, and something like this always bums me out.

Moving on to the rivalry between the Cheeks and the Tiny Twins. Emily talks about how she encouraged the twins to get out on the dance floor and how it backfired. Emily says it’s tough when the twins follow her and Bri to whatever club they’re working at.

Terra asks who started the rivalry. Emily says they had their own brand to begin with, and they aren’t trying to follow anyone else. We flash back to the altercations between the four girls. This reunion isn’t even a fresh hell; it’s the same one we’ve been in for weeks. More talk about who did what first. Terra asks why they felt the need to get physical. One of the twins says if she gets touched, she’ll touch back. Bri says that’s a good way to get killed. Alrighty then.

They talk about Minnie’s pseudo-boyfriend, Pastor Troy, and I get ready for them to belabor the point that Minnie lied. Minnie says she felt like a third wheel since everyone else was in a relationship. She was hoping Troy would go along with it. Terra asks if they were ever more than friends. Terra says social media has said she might be pregnant with his baby.

Minnie says, yes, she’s pregnant. Monie says it’s the first time she’s hearing about it in person. Terra says it’s hard to trust someone who’s lied to you. Emily says she got no response when she tried to contact Minnie. Terra asks Minnie why she didn’t talk to anyone. Terra asks if it’s Troy’s baby and Minnie says TMZ never lies. What planet does she live on? After Terra asks several more times, Minnie says it’s Troy’s baby. Terra asks if she’s still single and Minnie says no comment. Terra says she didn’t come here for no comment and Minnie says there’s no ring on it, so she’s still single.

Miss Juicy joins the group. She’s wearing a tiara because she’s the queen of Atlanta. According to her. Miss Juicy wonders how you can get pregnant from a…never mind. Minnie tells Juicy she should stop thinking so much about her and stay in her own lane. I actually like that one. Juicy pulls out a pregnancy test. These women are whackjobs. She even unwrapped it. Gross.

Juicy and Minnie argue about who is the more original. Juicy talks about the lies Minnie has told and thinks she should pee on the stick. Much discussion happens and if someone says “pee on the stick” one more time, I’m going to scream. Monie looks tired.

We see Juicy’s “juiciest moments,” which is a matter of opinion. We revisit her crashing Minnie’s birthday party. Monie gets upset about having gone after Juicy and it sounds like she has an ongoing problem with going after the wrong person. Juicy actually blows it off saying she was only upset about her hair and probably would have done the same thing.

Juicy asks what’s going to happen in nine months when there’s no baby. Minnie says Juicy can hold her legs when she delivers. Monie asks again if she’s pregnant by Pastor Troy and Minnie says yes.

Pastor Troy is introduced.

Commercial break. Little Women: New York begins in May. They can’t even get through a commercial without bleeping some words.

Terra asks if Troy ever dated Minnie. He says they never formally dated and Terra asks if he was annoyed that she lied. He says a lot of his fans lie. Terra asks if he’s seen Minnie’s “goodies,” which he calls going to the mini market. When it comes to whether it’s his baby or not, he says he’s not the only rapper Minnie deals with, and they’ll have to wait and see, adding that he doesn’t kiss and tell. Monie thinks he should be tending to Minnie and asking if she wants some water. What is she? A camel? Emily asks flat out if he had sex with her without protection, but he just keeps dancing around the question.

Terra thanks Troy and Juicy. Bye!

We flash back over the various relationships the girls have with their useless boyfriends. I kind of like Morlin. He’s the only one who isn’t living off his girlfriend and actually seems to care.

Emily says it’s not really fair because only one side is being shown. Terra asks about Emily’s baby and she says the name is going to be Lontel Jenard Something Junior. Bri says she and Wooda (shooda cooda) are talking and working it out. Ugh!

Terra moves on toe Andrea. Last we saw, she and Chris had moved into their own place. Things don’t sound like they’re going well.

Maybe it’s the heat in the south, but it just seems like the LA and NYC little women can do things like form a sentence and have real jobs, whereas this group can barely spell their own names. That’s if they know their names. I have the sneaking suspicion they probably confuse each other the same way I confuse them.

Okay, I guess things are going better than it sounded because Andrea is pregnant and she says Chris is excited. She says if anyone wants her to pee on a test [sic], she will. Andrea says he’s being more involved with the pregnancy than he was the first time around. Sigh.

They show some “unseen footage.” The scenes are actually fun, with the girls getting along and laughing. Terra asks if they believe little women should stick together and Emily says that they’re all little and pregnant now.

Terra announces that the show is back for another season. I already know what’s going to happen. I’ll forget why I hated it and start watching it again.

Little Women: LA: Terra’s Little Family

I love Terra and Joe, and I like that this is a mostly happy show. I need something to balance these table flipping wackadoos.

Penny is seven moths old now, so Terra and Joe are having her checked out and getting her vaccinations. They want to make sure she’s cleared for spinal decompression surgery. The pediatrician thinks Penny is looking good. Joe is holding out hope that Penny won’t need to be operated on.

Terra has a hard time dealing with Penny’s pain while she’s getting her shots and wonders how bad it’s going to be when she has surgery. The surgery is scheduled in three days and Terra’s brother has come to help. Beforehand, they’re doing family stuff. They go to a pumpkin patch and through a corn maze. Joe says he feels like he’s in The Shining.

They go to a petting zoo where they barter with goats in the universal language of all animals — food. It’s fun to watch Penny experience new things. Joe’s back is killing him and Terra encourages him to think about getting surgery himself. He says nagging really helps and I laugh. Joe has a great delivery.

Terra and her brother get their faces painted and it startles Penny, making her cry. Terra insists she’s just hungry, but Joe says yeah, hungry and frightened.

Terra and Joe meet with the doctor, who is an expert in dwarfism. He has an excellent bedside manner as well. He doesn’t mince words either and answers all of their questions honestly. The surgery Penny will be having is rare. The doctor says there is a risk of complication, but the surgery is a preventative measure. It’s very hard on Terra and Joe.

Terra visits Tracy, who is pregnant with an average sized child. Terra asks if Tracy has any concerns. Tracy says he’s going to be heavy. Terra talks about Penny’s surgery and gets choked up. Terra wants to have another baby and wonders if that’s the right decision. Joe is worried about another child having health issues.Tracy says she and Tonya have both had this type of surgery, and tells her that her surgeon is the best.

Terra says she’s trying to hide her true emotions from Penny, and wants her to only feel comforted and loved. They have to be at the hospital at 5 am. Terra says she’s not ready and she’s scared for Penny. She asks Joe if this is why he doesn’t want to have another child. He suggests they try in six months, but she’s afraid he’ll keep putting it off. He says he just wants Penny to be a little older.Joe asks why she’s in such a hurry. Terra says she enjoyed growing up with a brother.

She says she really just wants to take her mind off of what’s happening, and talks about the all the papers they had to sign and Joe says you have to sign them for a root canal, which is basically true.

Even though the show is a half hour, they always have two back-to-back episodes.

It’s surgery day. Terra says nothing can prepare you for your child having surgery. Joe says it’s been overwhelming and during Penny’s short life, she’s already had quite a bit of medical procedures. He jokes about one of her visits to the hospital being two shots, a prick and oral like their first date. Terra says although sometimes she wishes Joe took things more seriously, his sense of humor comes in handy.

Joe says it’s reminding him of his own surgeries as a kid, but it’s more difficult when it’s your own child. Terra says she’s cried in front of Penny and Penny picked up on it and cried herself, so she’s doing her best to stay positive. The doctor asks if there are any last minute questions. Terra asks if they’ll be able to hold her afterwards and the doctor says yes, she’ll be on medication and the nurse will show her what to do.

Terra says leaving her is the hardest part, and then the not knowing. While they’re in the waiting area, I just know they feel like time is at a standstill. Joe says Penny is in a dangerous place right now and he just wants her to be okay. They talk about deciding to be parents regardless of the knowledge that their children might have health problems. They pray.

Terra says the minutes feel like hours. She calls her mom. Terra’s mom is really cool. She’s like an old hippie and has a cat rescue. Terra explains that if this surgery isn’t helpful, Penny will need a shunt put in later. Her mom suggests they get some rest. Terra says talking to her mom is always a comfort. Joe says they have a lot of family support.

Terra says as much as it’s the best hospital and they have the best doctors doesn’t mean something can’t go wrong. She and Joe go to the cafe across the street to get a change of scenery. Joe says it’s the worst, you feel totally helpless, but can’t fall apart.

The hospital calls. Terra makes a shocked face, but isn’t saying anything. Joe mildly freaks. He says seeing her reaction without knowing what’s going on is making him think the worst. It turns out Penny is just going into surgery. They were having a hard time finding a vein for the anesthetic. I understand this because they have a hard time with me too. Joe says it sucks.Yes, it does. All that waiting and the surgery hasn’t even started. They go back to the hospital.

Joe says he isn’t going to be happy until he gets the all clear. It’s 10:30 am and Penny is still in surgery. The doctor comes in smiling. Everything went well. Even I’m smiling. He says Penny is doing just fine and the decompression has taken affect. He tells them she’s going to the ICU and they’ll be able to see her there.

Happiness and gratitude all around.

This season, Terra explains suppositories to Joe; Penny has another MRI and another potential surgery; baby number two is discussed; Joe might also be facing back surgery.

Little Women: LA

We’re still in Mexico. Jasmine is enthusiastic to show everyone the country, but she says not everyone is in a festive mood. That’s an understatement.

They go to some kind of ruins. It’s also raining. Briana says Ali is a breath of fresh air after the relationship beat down from Tonya. Briana says the only reason she’s still there is Jasmine.

Jasmine’s cousin, Victor, meets them at the ruins. They’re the only two little people in their family and come from an area in Mexico that has a large population with their type of dwarfism. Victor has gotten some pedi-cabs for them to ride in. Christy feels like, with Matt not around, she’s seeing her old friend, Briana, again.

They do some exploring. Tonya says Lil Boss do not walk in da mud, Jasmine talks to Ali and Briana. She asks how Briana liked the party last night. She says she wasn’t crazy about the stripper, but she had fun. She tells Jasmine about what Tonya told her, that there are some fake friends there who don’t support her marriage.

Ali says she talked to Tonya and Terra, who told her about Matt. Jasmine wonders why they’d tell Ali about Briana’s business. Ali said she wondered the same thing, since she didn’t bring it up.Briana says if it’s Christy, she has a good poker face. She says she’s going to confront the girls and if that’s how they feel, she wants them to go home.

The ladies go to a pyramid, the tallest ancient Myan structure in the Yukitan. There are about a skabillion stairs with a climb at your own risk sign. 122 steps and 144 feet up. There isn’t a chance in hell I’d climb it and I can’t believe these girls are going to try. My hat’s off to them, along with every other accessory. This isn’t an easy climb for a fitness guru and I’m already wondering how they’re getting down. And yes, there have been accidents there. Terra makes it to the top.

Christy decides to make an announcement that she and Todd are going to adopt. Briana says Christy announces this every five minutes and needs to be the center of attention. Elena figures who cares at this point, so she tells everyone she’s having twins. Christy is pissed that Elena stole her moment. She doesn’t get why no one cares, but it’s probably because they’ve heard this before.

Elena is glad she can now eat and wear what she wants. She asks Briana if she’s okay and Briana says she has mixed emotions. She says some of the girls are being dishonest. Right away, Terra and Tonya say they haven’t been dishonest. Terra says they’re always trying to figure out if Briana is telling the truth. She says she’s there for Briana, but not Matt. She doesn’t like him and says he disrespects women, Briana in particular.

Terra talks about Jasmine wanting them all to reconnect with Briana and how she was on board with that, but building a friendship takes two people, and it seems like Briana isn’t trying. She asks if Briana would have invited her if Jasmine hadn’t and Briana says no. Tonya points her finger at Christy and says she didn’t want to be there either. Great place to be acting like five-year-olds, in front of a Myan ruin.

Terra says Christy feels the same way they do. Christy is like, thanks a lot. Briana says she and Matt are a package deal now. Jasmine asks who told her about it and Briana says Ali spoke to her. Terra is all offended, but she and Tonya could have kept their mouths shut and not told Ali anything. Terra tells Ali that she’s screwed up and should leave.

Jasmine tells everyone to shut up and have a good time so Briana can enjoy herself. Tonya says she’s out and leaves along with Terra. Briana says they turned her party into a shitshow and made her question Christy. She and Christy are left there and Christy says she came there for Briana. She says it took a lot for her to come there and she wants to rebuild the friendship. Christy says she did say she didn’t like Matt, but she also said she hoped to be at the wedding and hoped Briana’s parents would be there too.

Briana says at this point, she’s ready to go home. Christy asks if Briana wants her at the wedding. Briana says she did, but now she wants to think about it.

Terra and Tonya are trying to jet ahead so they don’t have to talk to the others. Terra says Ali was spreading lies and Christy is flip-flopping. Tonya says Christy is being all kumbaya when she’d agreed she couldn’t stand Matt. Terra says Christy is just saying what everyone wants to hear.

Tonya, Terra and Elena take the last day to go swimming with the dolphins. Elena isn’t going all the way out, but does get in the water a little and gives a dolphin a kiss. Terra is exhausted, so the only one who goes the full dolphin is Tonya. She rides on the back of one of the dolphins. Kind of impressive for someone usually so lazy.

They discuss the whole Briana thing again since no one can give it a rest. Elena says she thinks Briana is happy and Matt knows how to make her happy. I do not want to know any theories on that. Elena says when she and Preston got married, it wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows either. Terra says they need to make amends or go their separate ways. I can’t remember disliking any of my friends’ husbands or boyfriends this much, but I would hope if I’m ever in that position, I handle it better than this group.

Jasmine and Briana go into town and do some shopping. They try on hats at a souvenir store and I’m wondering why Jasmine isn’t taking her to somewhere more native. They discuss the fight at the ruins. Jasmine wants to go out for drinks on their last night. Briana says that Terra and Tonya can’t focus on being her friend and getting to know her. She says they don’t deserve her friendship. Jasmine says it’s not going to stop until Briana puts her foot down and tells them how she feels.

Ali visits Christy’s room. They’ve been friends for a number of years and Christy feels badly about what happened. Ali asks how she thinks Briana feels. Christy says she loves Briana, but she doesn’t have to love her husband. She says she had to tell Briana how she feels because of Tonya twisting her words. Ali wonders if Terra and Tonya even want to be friends with Briana and asks if Christy would call them out on that. Christy says she would.

They go to a gorgeous outdoor space for their last night. Everyone shows up, even the sourpusses. They talk about what they did after the ruins trip. Jasmine says she and Briana went dancing at the hotel. Elena says it’s been a nice weekend, except for that one part. Elena says Briana did start the conversation though. Terra says don’t ask a question that you don’t want the answer to. Ali, as a casual observer, says they all seem to throw each other under the bus on a regular basis. Suddenly, Terra and Christy are arguing and it starts to get loud. WTF just happened? That was fast.

Everyone is pointing at everyone else, confirming what Ali just said. Briana finally tells them to knock it off. Terra says she came there to rebuild their friendship, says Briana is talking to her like a two-year-old and calls her a bitch. She’s angry that Briana is friendly with Christy, who’s lying to her, and not accepting Terra’s friendship. She asks why Briana is okay with Christy hating Matt, but not her? Briana says she wasn’t aware Christy hated him. Briana says she’d like to turn things around and move forward instead of back. Briana says Terra didn’t seem to care until she started being friends with Christy again.

Terra says it’s like Briana is afraid of Matt. Briana says enough already, get out. Terra and Tonya leave. Briana says she’s done with them.

They both get teary. Briana says she’s happy, but this is causing a rift because she brings it home with her and Matt can’t fix it. Jasmine says she needs to tell them how she feels.

#JeSuisBruxelles

Mar23

March 22, 2016 — GH, Dubai via Beverly Hills & Drama via Tyler Perry

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Hayden is looking at the portrait of Helena when Nicholas comes in. She says there’s something about the portrait and he says the something is that it’s creepy.

Alexis has Jason and Sam sign the divorce papers.

Nina runs into Obrecht. Nina is quite exuberant, and Obrecht asks why she has blackbirds singing on her shoulder. Nina says she must mean bluebirds, but Obrecht says not in Germany, because bluebirds have weak songs and harsh calls. I laugh because Obrecht is the best. Nina has an appointment with Dr. Lee so she can get pregnant.

Tracy says the inmates are running the asylum and she’s leaving.

Silas who isn’t Silas arrives with his iguana. Elizabeth is startled to see him, but he introduces him as Dr. Hamilton Finn. He asks her to put his pet Roxie in a room that’s no less than 85 degrees, gives her crickets for feeding, and off he goes.

Griffin asks Monica how Tracy is doing. She says she called in a specialist, and there he is. Monica says she never noticed the striking resemblance between Dr. Finn and Silas. Really? Really?! She introduces him to Griffin and he tells Griffin to call him “Finn.” Finn asks to see Tracy, who is packing to leave.

Obrecht says that she thought Nina couldn’t have children and Nina says Britt might have been wrong. Obrecht tells her that Britt was an excellent doctor and Nina bring up Britt’s passing off Lulu’s baby as her own. Obrecht says it was only for three months and Nina says still, she’d like to double-check.

Franco calls Nina. He’s picking up take-out for Kiki, and he asks if Nina would like to have a picnic in her office afterward.

Sam and Jason make a coffee toast to Alexis’s success with Olivia’s case. Franco comes by and asks how Jake is and asks Jason what they’re going to do about the book.

Nicholas says the only reason he’s keeping the portrait is because Spencer loved his grandmother. Hayden says you can see into her soul, but Nicholas says she didn’t have one. He says he should be grateful all she left him was a meaningless painting. Hayden says maybe it’s not so meaningless.

Hayden says she sees a reflection in the teapot that she wants to take a closer look at. Nicholas gets a little weird and wants to move the painting elsewhere.

Jason asks what book and Franco tells him about the book Helena left to Elizabeth. Apparently, Jason knows nothing about it. Franco says not to worry; he’ll see Jake through it.

Nina explains her history to Dr. Lee and how Britt told her it would be nearly impossible to conceive a child. Dr. Lee says she agrees with the results, but Nina says she has reason to believe Britt might have made a mistake and wants a second opinion.

Tracy says Monica wins and she’ll listen to Finn. Finn starts to talk and Obrecht comes in. She says that half the staff thought they were seeing the ghost of Silas and Finn has no business being there. Monica says she called him in to treat Tracy, but Obrecht says she doesn’t run the hospital. She adds she’ll procure the necessary paperwork — maybe.

Jason is miffed that Elizabeth didn’t tell him about the book. Sam says she probably didn’t think of it in all the mess that Helena’s will created. Sam gets a call from Spinelli.

Hayden keeps looking at the portrait, but Nicholas tries to take her attention away from it. She asks if she should be concerned about how bothered he is over it. She asks if he wound’t feel better if he knew what Helena was trying to tell him. He says who knows what insanity she had planned and Hayden says that’s it. What’s it?

Finn says most American doctors don’t know how to look for the infestation. He says it’s a larvae infestation — worms. Ewww! Tracy laughs at first and then asks how they got there. Finn says unsanitary conditions and asks if she ate anything from a suspicious source. She says she should have known running into Ashton was a bad omen and asks how they treat it.

Franco brings the take-out for Kiki to the hospital and Obrecht asks if they should allow chaos to reign. Apparently take-out is not allowed. She says obviously he’s overcome his doubts about becoming a father because Nina was there for an appointment with Dr. Lee. Franco asks Obrecht to hold the take-out bag and goes to the elevator.

Nina tells Dr. Lee about losing her baby when she was in a coma. Dr. Lee says she can’t promise to give Nina the news she wants to hear, but they’ll do an exam. Franco walks in and asks Nina what the hell she’s doing.

Jason approaches Elizabeth about the book. He asks to see it.

Sam doesn’t recognize the person connected with the number she had Spinelli look up. Sam asks Alexis if a client has stopped using her services, if it’s all right for her to continue on her own. Alexis says that’s up to her. Alexis says she knows what it’s like to not be able to let something go. She says she’s still wondering about the dagger. She says sometimes you know you should throw something far away, but you can’t until you get the answers.

Hayden sees the reflection of a man in the teapot. She wonders what Helena wants Nicholas to know. Nicholas says Helena would disappear when he was a kid, but he couldn’t relax because he knew she’d be back. He says this is one last mind game and he refuses to play. He says Hayden should too, and he leaves for the office.

Jason looks at the book and says it’s definitely disturbing and should be kept from Jake. Elizabeth says it’s their only clue to what happened on the island. Jason tells her not to fall into Helena’s trap. Elizabeth says if Jake does well in therapy, they should consult the therapist and see if and when Jake should see it. Jason asks if the therapist is Franco.

Dr. Lee tells Franco to get out, but he asks for a minute with Nina. Nina says it’s okay. The doctor leaves and Franco tells Nina he doesn’t want a child. She asks what changed.

Finn says they have medication and if it doesn’t work, they have other options, but they should start Tracy on it right away. He says if it wasn’t for Griffin, her condition might have gone undiagnosed. Dillon asks if he can unpack her bags. She says yes, but get her food because Obrecht feeds her prisoners slop. Obrecht comes in and says until Finn gets privileges at the hospital, he can’t treat any patients, even Tracy. I get that we’re being set up for some kind of friction here, but um…Tracy could just leave if she wanted to and he could treat her elsewhere.

Elizabeth says she was talking about Jake’s doctor. Jason says he doesn’t like Franco working with Jake and it bothers him that he’s the one who told him about the book. Elizabeth says Franco found the book, but he’s right, she should have told him. She just wanted to pretend it didn’t exist for a while. Jason says it’s dangerous, and Elizabeth says that’s why they have to find out what it means. She says they need all the help they can get and Jake opens up to Franco.

Franco tells Nina that he literally lost a child and tells her about Leo. Nina says no harm, no foul. Franco says he doesn’t think he could handle being a parent. He wants to give her everything she wants, but he’d be a nervous wreck all the time with a child. He asks why the two of them can’t be enough for one another.

Nicholas sees Alexis and she asks if he’s recovered from the will reading. She asks what happened after she left and what Helena left for him.

Hayden studies the painting. The doorbell rings. It’s Sam. Hayden tells her Nicholas is out on business. Sam says she might be interested too, in a woman named Naomi Dreyfuss.

Elizabeth says it’s about Jake, not her or Jason. He likes Franco and she cares about doing what’s best for Jake. She says they’ll work on it togethere. Jason reluctantly agrees for Jake to continue art therapy with Franco.

Franco says he loves Nina and has a life he never thought possible. He says because of her, he’s a better person. He says the magazine is a runaway success and they’re flourishing. For the first time in his life, he can say that he’s happy. Nina says she is too. He says why trade it in for constant worry and potential heartache? She says okay, they’ll leave it as is. Franco says the’ll celebrate the Crimson triumph later. He leaves, but Nina looks pretty sad. The doctor comes back in and Nina tells her to go ahead with the examination.

Obrecht says she’s chief of staff and hers is the only opinion that matters. Tracy says without the Quartermaines there would be no hospital. Obrecht says it will take a week to go through what they need to do to give Finn privileges there. Monica says she should know rules at GH are made to be broken or bypassed. Obrecht says they’re leaving themselves open for a lawsuit. Tracy says she wants Dr. Finn and they all realize he’s gone.

Finn checks into the hotel with Roxie. He says they’re going to be happy there.

Nicholas tells Alexis about the portrait. She says burn it. He says it’s evidence of Helena’s narcissism. Alexis says there’s always more to the story when it comes to Helena.

Hayden says she doens’t know who Sam is talking about. Sam says she knows the name well, and does she want to talk about it. Hayden says she doesn’t and get the hell out. After Sam leaves, she studies the painting again.

Tomorrow, Kristina asks Sonny what he did, Laura looks for answers, and Tracy tells Obrecht to find Dr. Finn stat.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Yolanda is getting ready for her speech. She says she hasn’t done any Botox in several years and it’s interesting to see how your face changes. Yeah, it’s called getting older.

The event is pretty crowded. Kathryn says a gala in NYC is a big deal. Kyle is shocked that the event is so huge. David pretends to be a supportive husband to Yolanda on the red carpet. I sneeze and it sounds like “D-bag!”

Tommy Hilfiger’s daughter, who is a Lyme disease survivor, starts the speeches. Kyle feels badly about the whole Munchausen’s conversation when one of the speakers talks about people not believing she was sick because she doesn’t look sick. Gigi, who seems like a lovely young woman, introduces Yolanda.Yolanda says she doesn’t know if it’s heartbreaking or heartwarming. Probably a combination of both.

As Yolanda speaks, we flash back to various times she was sick and also conversations about it. Yolanda says they’re going to search the globe until an affordable cure is found. Erika says this closes the chapter on misunderstandings and it’s a shame LisaR couldn’t be there. Kyle is all upset and says she can’t deal. Kathryn says ignorance isn’t an excuse. Maybe so, but it’s a reason, so shut up and educate people instead of blowing them off.

Kyle talks to Yolanda about Bella and Anwar having the disease. Yolanda says Kyle gets it on a deeper level now. Okay, okay, we get it. Everyone has the feels.

LisaV had to go to London to renew her passport, and is hoping to relax a little before the trip to Dubai. Her son Max has been working hard, and she gives him a new car. Would she like to adopt an older child? Lisa says she tells her kids she loves them every day, but her parents weren’t like that. She chalks it up to being British. Giggy!

LisaR is packing for Dubai. Harry thinks she should just bring a pair of jeans, but she says she needs at least 10 outfits. Lisa says the rules are no cursing, no dressing inappropriately, and no using your middle finger. She’s worried about leaving the kids with Harry. Harry says women think guys are always irresponsible. Well…yeah.

Eileen is excited and terrified to go to Dubai. Eileen tells Vince about how you have to cover up. The girls all talk about who they’d want for cell-mates if they got arrested. Erika says maybe LisaV could spin a web they could capture the guards with. Ha-ha!

Erika says she needs to be both glamorous and appropriate. Her gay slam squad helps her pack. My Lord, I thought I packed a lot of unnecessary things when I go on a trip. Erika actually has a look-book to help figure out her outfits.

The trip is 14 hours from Atlanta. Kyle says she wants to go, she just doesn’t want to get there and I understand completely. Love traveling, hate the process. Everyone meets at LAX. They switch planes in Atlanta.

After the fastest 14 hour flight ever, we’re in Dubai. LisaV says she feels like she’s been around the world and back already. They divvy up the rooms in the limo. Erika is going to room with Kathryn and says she’s put their past squabbles behind them.

Yolanda’s house has sold. She’s nostalgic over times with the family there, but excited to be moving on. David starts to border on being an a-hole.

Atlantis, The Palm Dubai is the hotel. Eileen says it’s like an Arabian Las Vegas experience. It’s huge and glittery with a humongous blown glass sculpture in the lobby. Holy! Lisa and Kyle’s suite is nearly 10,000 square feet.

Brandy comes to visit Yolanda. Yolanda says she’s been consistent with her support and that she’s not fake. No, Yolanda, it’s called having no filter. Brandy talks about her date the previous night and says the guy had short arms. Please. She asks how Yolanda and David are doing? Yolanda is vague.

Yolanda talks to Brandy about LisaR’s offense at her going out to lunch with Brandy and Kim, and missing Erika’s party. Brandy makes snarky comments about LisaR, which Yolanda snickers at. Kind of hypocritical. Yolanda tells her that LisaR said she has Munchhausen’s syndrome. She did not. WTF? Yolanda has been hanging out with Brandy too long and is now making it up as she goes along.

I could totally move into Kyle and LisaV’s suite. The other rooms are nothing to sneeze at either. If I went there, I might never leave my room. Although I’m sure a night there costs about as much as my husband’s yearly salary. Just look away while I drool.

LisaV has her hair piled on top of her head and even though she’s wearing a caftan, she out Hepburns Audrey Hepburn.

Everyone is wearing clothing befitting the country except for Kathryn, who stands out like a sore thumb in a short leopard print dress. Kyle gives caftans to everyone, and Kathryn wisely changes into hers, looking a million times better. They sit down to a private dinner.

LisaV asks about New York. Kyle talks about Yolanda’s speech and how two of Yolanda’s kids have Lyme disease. Erika says it’s too bad LisaR couldn’t be there. It might have answered some questions for her. Lisa says she never doubted Yolanda was sick, but she’s used it as a shield. Erika says she thinks she’s doing all she can and why would she want to miss the Dubai trip? She doesn’t think Lisa is being fair. Lisa says it’s just her opinion, but Erika says she believes Yolanda is operating at the best level she can.

Eileen says that she doesn’t get what Lisa isn’t understanding. Lisa says she feels like she’s being held to a different standard by Yolanda. She also doesn’t get Yolanda’s friendship with Brandy, and how she seems to give Brandy allowances the rest of them aren’t given. I do get what she’s saying, basically that Yolanda is surrounding herself with yes men and using her illness to her advantage, but it is her business and what I don’t get is why it’s such a big deal. I’m not so sure I wouldn’t do the same thing in her shoes, although I certainly wouldn’t be friends with Brandy. Bleh.

LisaR says the picture of Yolanda out to lunch with Brandy and Kim enraged her, which is really the wrong word to use. She says she thinks that Yolanda should have saved her energy for Erika’s dinner. She says she wants to go to bed after having lunch with Brandy and Kim. Frankly, I would too. I think they would wear out Mother Teresa and she has the patience of a saint. BA DUM CHHH! Lisa asks how Erika felt about the dinner and we have to revisit that nonsense. I’m with Erika in that they should just have fun and not rehash old crap.

Kyle suggests looking at the view which is absolutely breathtaking.

Next time, the ladies go to the beach, on a safari, and smoke hookahs; a sea lion kisses LisaV; there’s a lot of arguing; and LisaV says she’s had enough.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Randal wants to go visit Alex and Louise tells him he’s not going over there. He says he’s not a child and she says quit acting like one. She asks if he used Marcie’s credit card and why would he do that. He says why would Marcie have sex with Brad, because those two things are exactly the same. Louise says he’s just like his father. Randal asks when she started taking Marcie’s side and Louise says when she realized Marcie was right.

He asks if Louise supports Marcie sleeping with Brad, and Louise is like, no, stupid, she was right to stand by your side while you were out acting the fool. Louis says Marcie stood by Randal the way she stood by Randal’s father.

She says she was at work in her flower store and a woman in a suit came in. She told Louise she was from child services and her earnings were going to be garnished to pay for her husband’s child. (Can they do that?) When she looked at the papers, she saw her friend’s name, who had told her the child was her ex’s. She tells Randal you reap what you sow.

Randal says he didn’t fall in love with Alex on purpose. Louise says that doesn’t make it right. He says it makes him human and she says no more human than Marcie. He says she did it on purpose to hurt him. Louise asks if it did and when he says yes, Louise says she succeeded and they’re even then. Randal says he’ll have the last word. Louise says he is just like his father. Randal says he’s nothing like his father, and Louise says this version is really close. She says he left her to raise Randal and his brother alone and ran off with her friend until he got cancer.

Randal says but then she took care of him. Louise says Randal and his brother hated her for it, but what was she supposed to do, let him die? Maybe Marcie should leave him die if the same thing happens to him. He says he loves Alex and says Louise is full on Marcie’s side now. Louise says yes, she is. Randal says Louise couldn’t stand her and Louise says she’s woman enough to admit when she’s wrong. She says Randal could never admit when he was wrong. She tells him to just admit it. He says he’s not wrong and I want to smack him. Louise says fine, but he’s still not going over there.

Esperanza gives Claudia an herbal drink to calm her nerves. Claudia asks if Pete is gong to be all right. Esperanza says she doesn’t know. Claudia asks how she deals with it and Esperanza says she tries not to fill herself with anxiety and just process the information as it comes. She suggests Claudia take the day off, but Claudia says she needs the money.

Claudia says when Pete saw Eddie talking to the captain, he freaked out. She says they also don’t put rookies on the south side. Esperanza says she should stop asking questions.

Faun tells her father that he should hire Natalie back, since the restaurant is out of control. She adds that Joey is a good guy. She says she plans on seeing him again. Her father says he’s telling her mother. She says her mother knows and she heard some stories about them when they were dating. Her father starts to walk away and Faun tells him Natalie has the right to sue him because he fired her for something that her son did. She tells him to let Natalie have her job back and this can be water under the bridge. He says okay, and tries to get her to stop seeing Joey, but that’s not going to happen.

Joey is waiting for her in the car. She tells him Natalie has her job back. Quan and his lackey are in a car watching them. Quan wants his dude to follow Faun and see what she does with the receipts from the restaurant.

Kelly drops by the station to see Lushion. Esperanza tells her he’s out on a call. Kelly says it’s really deserted and Esperanza tells her that’s how it is when a cop gets shot. Kelly says she wanted to find out what’s going on between Lushion and Natalie and tells her about the house situation. Esperanza says she’ll tell Lushion that Kelly stopped by.

Brad hunts throughout the neighborhood for Alex. He goes back to the house. Rusty goes outside for a smoke. Alex is behind one of the houses with the baby. Who seems like he’s light as a feather and it’s obvious she’s holding an empty blanket. Do these people learn nothing in acting class.?

At the scene of the shooting, Lushion asks Steven why Pete wasn’t wearing a vest. He says 16 rookies have died in five years. Stephen asks why he’s researching it. Lushion says it’s right there on the apartment wall. Stephen says let’s hope they don’t add to the wall. Lushion tries to get information out of him, and Stephen says he just does what he’s told. He adds that Lushion is’t his boss.

Ben makes up something for his statement. Stephen says they’ll finish it at the station. Ben babbles something at Lushion. Lushion grills him, but Lushion notices that what he’s saying isn’t consistent with him not having any injuries. Eddie, who acts like he’s the boss, tells Lushion to get in the car. Eddie tells Ben that if Pete sings, it will be his funeral.

Faun wants to talk to Natalie, but Joey thinks it’s a bad idea. Natalie asks him what he wants and Faun asks to talk to her. Natalie says she has nothing to say to Faun. Faun tells Joey to say he’s sorry and Joey tells Natalie he’s sorry for the second time. Natalie says she doesn’t believe Joey and he’s not moving back in with her. Faun tells Natalie she has her job back. She says she and Joey are just friends now and asks when Natalie is coming back to work. Natalie says she’ll be there the day after tomorrow because she’s not going to just come running when he calls. Faun leaves. Joey tells Natalie he has nowhere else to go. Natalie relents.

Randal goes to the hospital to visit Julius’s father, who says his son has lost his mind. He’s angry and he needs Randal’s help to get to the bottom of the angry. He says he wasn’t much of a father and he needs Randal to see him through. Randal says if he’ll listen and Julius’s father says he’ll talk to him. he says he’s going to make changes to his will and his son is going to be angry. He says if Randal helps his son, he’ll — but then he starts coughing and has to put the oxygen mask back on.

Julius sees Esperanza at the station. She tells him to leave her and her family at home. He says he has to tell her something and that he’s sorry. She says there’s nothing to say. He says she got him shot, so the least she can do is listen. She asks if he had Eddie shot, but Julius says it’s called karma. She tells him to stop coming there. Julius says he misses her, but Esperanza says she’s done with him and the likes of him. He tells her she’s sleeping with a dirty cop and that he’s stealing from Julius’s guys. He says Eddie is bringing women to her house. Esperanza tells him to leave. Julius says his father is in stage four and when he’s gone, oh man.

Louise asks Marcie if everything is okay. Marcie says she’s just packing to go. She tells Louise about Alex’s father being there and says she won’t have to kill her because Rusty will, and tells her about Rusty’s racism.

Louise comes downstairs and says Randal isn’t hearing her. Marcie is right behind her and says he can’t. She says he’s blinded by anger. She knows because she was too, up until now. She only talks to Louise, not to Randal, and says Louise is wasting her breath. Randal tries to be insulting. Louise says Randal just wants a fight, but Marcie says she has none left. Randal tries to get a rise out of Marcie. She says he’s like most men, he can dish it out, but he can’t take it. She says he can’t stand the thought of his woman with another man because he doesn’t think it’s possible. He thinks he can do whatever he want, and nothing will come back to haunt him.

Randal keeps trying to get Marcie to fight. She says she begged him to sign the divorce papers, and she signed them, so as far as she’s concerned, she’s divorced. She says she’s going somewhere where she can live her life. She doesn’t want to stay there any longer and miss the best years. Randal says she can’t afford to leave. Marcie says he tried to make sure of that with the credit card. He says, guilty and she tosses her cards on the floor and says have them all. He talks about the baby and Alex and Brad and keeps trying to anger her. Lousie tells him if he keeps it up, she’s going to increase his life insurance.

Randal continues to act like an asshat, but Marcie ignores it. He asks her to come meet his son and babbles stupidly while Louise tries to get him to go back inside. Marcie puts her stuff in the car and leaves. He says, “What’s the matter? You don’t want to meet me and Alex’s son?” Rusty hears him and asks what he said.

Next time, Eddie is going to drag Ben down with him, Randal tells Rusty about his affair with Alex because he has a death wish, Julius says his father thinks he’s crazy, and Alex’s mother draws a gun.

Important information — The Real Housewives of New York City begins April 6.

Mar22

March 21, 2016 — GH & Vanderpump Reunion Part One

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Curtis gives Valerie a kiss goodnight.

Jordan tells Dante the hearing is a spectacle and he should stay away. He says he’s going to support his mother.

Carly tells Olivia about the mayor’s extortion using the health department against the hotel. She says Olivia either drops the lawsuit or the MetroCourt stays closed. Since that’s the only place anyone ever goes to eat, drink or be merry, maybe they can stage a protest using all breathing citizens of Port Charles. A BLT from Kelly’s will only go so far.

Griffin says he’d love to have dinner with Brad and Lucas. In the meantime, he’d like a look at Tracy’s test results.

Dillon calls Ned to come home.

Tracy had a dream that Alan was waiting for her. Monica says it’s just the medication, but Tracy says it’s a message from her subconscious that she’s dying.

Dillon tells Ned they’re getting the results today. One doctor thinks it’s cancer and the other thinks it’s something else, but either way, she’s bad.

Tracy says she has spots on her brain and seizures, but there’s pudding, so it’s not all bad. She tells Monica she needs to prepare for the worst and so does Monica. Monica says she’s not going to let Tracy die. Tracy says she doesn’t want to end up a vegetable.

Griffin says Dr. Mays is a good doctor, but over time even a good doctor can become less curious and more rigid. Uh-oh, Dr. Mays caught Brad giving Griffin the test results. Why did they do that in the hallway?

Dante sees Curtis and Valerie. They tell him about the grand they just won.

Julian shows up at the hearing. Molly and Kristina start talking about Crimson, but Julian has no clue what’s going on with the magazine.

Nina is getting a call from Barbara Walters’s people for an interview. No surprise, the whole Crimson thing is going through the roof and trending on social media. Dante shows up and Maxie tells him the thousand dollars has already been claimed, but there are other prizes to be won. He says he’s there for her and shows her a pair of handcuffs.

Carly says she can get Sonny’s help, but she wanted to check with how serious Olivia is before calling a garbage and sanitation strike. Oh, is Sonny in that business too? Wink-wink.

Dr. Mays tells Brad it was a bad move throwing in with the new guy. Griffin says they all have the patient’s best interest at heart. Dr. Mays says they’re both going to be fired.

Monica says don’t give her that responsibility when Tracy has two sons. Tracy says she knows Monica will do the right thing and not get all sentimental. Monica leaves and sees Dillon in the hall. She says Tracy is just being Tracy. Dillon says Tracy might not say it, but she loves Monica. Monica says she doesn’t know how it happened, but she came to love Tracy too. They hug and the now out of bed Tracy tells Monica to get her hands off Ned.

Dante tells them they were littering. Nina says it’s journalism and free enterprise and Maxie tells him that they have their own clean-up crew on it. Nina says she called because they’re a victim of corporate espionage. Dante says that’s not in the PCPD jurisdiction; it’s Federal. He leaves and Curtis says it’s in his jurisdiction though.

Carly tells Alexis a garbage strike will be effective. Alexis says what she wants to do will be legal. Lomax approaches Carly and says she’d hate to see the MetroCourt lose its five-star rating. Carly says she doesn’t think it will come to that.

Alexis says she has another solution, but she needs Carly’s help to make it happen.

Tracy keeps talking like Dillon is Ned. She snaps out of it and apologizes.

Nina says she remembers Curtis from New Year’s Eve. Valerie says he used to be in law enforcement. Curtis says he can go places and do things the regular police force can’t and the Feds won’t take a case unless it’s tied with a bow first. Valerie says she’ll vouch for him and Nina says he’s hired.

Alexis makes her opening statement. She wants injunctive relief and wants the court to enforce a law that’s already on the books. She also wants punitive damages for Olivia. Diane says the defense will prove that the case is frivolous and should be thrown out of court with prejudice. That means it can’t be tried elsewhere. I know that from watching The People’s Court. The first witness is Olivia.

Monica tells Dillon to find Dr. Mays and get the test results while she settles Tracy back in. Tracy asks if Monica understands and Monica says she’ll honor Tracy’s health care directive.

Griffin says he should take the rap for the entire thing, since it was his idea. Brad says the new and improved Brad doesn’t throw his friends under the bus. He adds that he looked at the biopsy results before Dr. Mays took them and made a copy.

Dr. Mays comes in with the results. He says the good news is, Tracy doesn’t have cancer. The bad news is he has no idea what it is. Don’t confer with Griffin or anything, you old coot.

Dillon says he thought the biopsy would tell them what’s wrong. Dr. Mays says it only narrows the possibilities. Tracy wants to go home, but Monica says that’s a no. Dillon asks what they do now. find someone who knows

Brad says whatever is going on with Tracy, he’s never seen it before. Griffin says he has. Dr. Mays comes out and asks for Griffin.

Nina fills Curtis in on what’s happened with the past two Crimson issues. Nina says she’s going to pay Curtis herself and Julian isn’t going to know anything until Curtis finds out what’s going on. She and Maxie leave for the courthouse. Curtis makes Valerie his assistant. He talks about their next date and Valerie says he promised to tell her why Jordan hates him first.

Olivia takes the stand. Her testimony is interspersed with Lomax’s testimony. Lomax feels that breast feeding isn’t appropriate in a public place. Olivia says Lomax threatened to have her arrested and Diane asks if it was for public indecency. Olivia says it was for assaulting the mayor. Lomax says she was “bumped into,” and Alexis asks how many stitches it required. Ha-ha! Alexis asks if charges were brought and Lomax says no.

Carly takes the stand. Diane asks what her staff told her, and Carly and I both ask if that isn’t hearsay. Something I learned from Judge Judy. Diane says something about it being a relaying of a conversation, and although that would never fly with Judy, the judge says it’s admissible. One of the employees said that Olivia went off on the mayor and almost flipped a table on her.

Jordan takes the stand and explains the legalities of breast feeding in public. Diane asks if there have ever been any complaints and Jordan says not to her knowledge. The defense and prosecution rest. Fastest. Hearing. Ever.

Griffin says he can understand why the lesions were mistaken for cancer. He asks what Tracy consumed while she was in Mexico. Tracy remembers Larry offering her some local delicacies he picked up in town the night they smoked weed together. She leaves the weed part out though. Griffin says she needs an infectious disease doctor.

Curtis says after Jordan’s husband was killed, she and Curtis were partners for a while with the DEA, but it didn’t work out. Valerie asks why he didn’t just tell her that, and he says he was using it as bait for another date, even though I’m sure there’s more to the story.

Diane says Olivia wasn’t prevented from breast feeding and Lomax was only giving an opinion, which is her right. Alexis counters that it might be the literal truth, but the word of a high elected official carries a lot of weight and it’s imposing a belief of what is good and proper. She wants the court to close the gap between the legislature’s intent and the law. Lots of legal stuff today!

The judge says he sympathizes but there are flaws in the case. Carly walks in with a woman and a baby. The woman starts to breastfeed. The judge says a courtroom is hardly the appropriate place. More women and babies come in. Lomax says what’s natural to them is offensive to others. Nina talks about being topless and asks why it’s okay for men and not women. Alexis says by law in New York, it is. Lomax says most people don’t want to see it. I dunno about that. There seem to be plenty of people — okay, mostly men — who want their picture taken with the naked painted ladies in Times Square. The judge bangs his gavel and says the court is out of order. Nina takes off her top and says what’s out of order about these?

Maxie is next and everyone starts taking off their tops. Nina is filming it all with her phone. The judge says it all really wasn’t necessary because he was finding for the plaintiff anyway.

Nina tells Julian that Crimson is trending nationally and she’s going to make the magazine a success. BTW, we are seeing the Crimson cover with Olivia everywhere and of course it’s beautiful.

Carly tells Diane to tell the mayor that if she doesn’t drop the bogus health order, she’ll sue her and the city. Lomax says she has no case, but Diane says record will show that she does. Lomax reminds Diane that she’s her lawyer and Diane says her long-standing relationship with the Corrinthos family trumps that. It’s a win for everyone, except Lomax.

Diana tells Alexis just so she knows, she let her win. The mayor tells Alexis she’s made an enemy.

Dr. Mays says he’s still going to fire Brad and Griffin. He says they’re done at GH and done with medicine. He says he would have figured it out sooner or later.

Tracy tells Monica her wishes still stand. Monica says it’s unnecessary, but if anything changes Tracy can count on her.

Monica calls a doctor she met at a conference and tells him that she has a case that’s confounding everybody and she thinks he can help. It’s Silas petting an iguana. Alrighty then!

Tomorrow, a divorce happens, Nina goes to a fertility doctor and Franco meets with Jason.

Vanderpump Rules — The Reunion, Part One

First, as much as she annoys me, I have to say Stassi looks good with a few more pounds on her and whatever she’s doing makeup/filler wise. She mentioned that she was so thin during the first season because she couldn’t afford food. I understand. The thinnest I ever was, was during some unemployed years when I was malnourished.

Ok, let’s roll.

Shouldn’t Giggy be at this reunion? Andy calls Lisa the headmistress of SUR and that pretty much fits. Lala claims she’s sober. Maybe.

James is suspended from PUMP again. Andy asks Lisa how it is to employ two people who hate each other as much as James and Jax do. James says he doesn’t hate Jax, but Jax says James is lucky he’s on probation or he’d punch his face in. We’re off to a great start! Lisa says Jax is an a-hole, but he’s her a-hole. Only we can make fun of our pledges. (Animal House reference.)

James’s drinking is brought up and we begin with the Decades party. Lisa says he’s one of those people whose personality changes with the crack of a bottle opening. We go down Memory Lane with James lying his face off to Kristen. It’s funny how these kids use old words like banging and boning. I hear they just discovered vinyl records too. Eeew! James is giving us TMI about Kristen’s cheating. I really don’t want to know what anything smelled like, kay?

Andy asks Lisa about how she hired James, and if his main goal was to get on the show. Kristen tries to answer and Lisa tells her to shut up. Aa-ha! in Nelson voice. Lisa talks about James’s mom asking her to give him a job and somehow it moves to Kristen hooking up with James to annoy Tom. Kristen talks about how James lived off of her. James calls her a sugar momma and a cougar. I think she’s a little young to be one of those.

Lala says this was her first real job. Oh Lord, I’d had like five jobs and two apartments by the time I was her age. And I was going to school. And partying. They talk about how Lala lied about being a model when she started on the show, when really it was rich guys taking her to exotic places. She claims she’s lost count of how many trips she’s scored, but she never slept with any of them. I choke on my coffee.

They talk about Jax’s pursuit of Lala. Lala says they’re similar, when they see someone new, it’s a challenge and it’s fun to flirt. Andy says Jax forgot that Brittany existed. Jax says it’s more like he just set the girlfriend thing aside for a minute, whatever that means. Lala says she thought he was single because that’s the impression he was giving. Lala says it’s intimidating coming into a group like this. I have to agree with her there. Scheana says she resents having been called a bully.

Commercial break. the new season of Southern Charm begins April 4. The guys on that show are even bigger losers than the Vanderpump crowd. At least they have their youth as an excuse. Okay, except for Jax. The Real Housewives of Dallas also begins April 11.

Michael Shay (for our purposes, Shay) joins the group. No surprise, they talk about his substance abuse that was a large part of the past season. He says it started before he and Scheana were dating. He started taking Vicodin when he got a sports injury. Andy asks why Scheana waited so long to say something and she says she kept thinking it would pass. Lisa was disappointed in how he handled things in blaming Scheana. They talk about how they had the rest of the group there when everything came out in the open.

Scheana says she’d told Jax about it, but he says he doesn’t remember. Scheana says Jax doesn’t listen. Andy calls him a colander and he doesn’t know what that means. To his credit, Jax apologizes for being an idiot when he went on and on about how it was Scheana’s fault. Andy brings up Scheana thinking that Shay could party somewhat even though he’s an addict. We flash back to some of her enabling. Scheana tears up and says she did the best she could with the knowledge that she had.

Tom says that sometimes Scheana used Shay’s illness to talk down to him. Lisa defends Scheana, saying she’s seen her being uplifting to Shay. Scheana says that she’s changed her way of looking at things and her behavior. Lala apologizes. She says being an outsider looking in, you don’t know what’s really going on behind the scenes. Probably one of the few mature remarks we’ll hear during the reunion.

They talk about Shay quitting the pills cold turkey without meetings. Lisa says she doesn’t get that and Shay says one of the things he feared was her judgment. Lisa says she was angry at him for lying to Scheana. Shay says it’s been tough because it’s been their first year of marriage along with him kicking his addictions, but he says if he hadn’t been married, he probably wouldn’t have cleaned up his act. The conversation ends on an up note, with Lisa saying Scheana is Shay’s greatest asset and him agreeing.

Next on the agenda is Ariana’s 30th birthday party. It was a kiddie theme because she wanted to do something out of the ordinary. They talk about Lala not being invited and Tom going to Vegas when Ariana needed him. We flash back to her telling Tom about her birthday issues and missing her father. Lisa says they’re all ridiculous and should take their relationships more seriously, instead of going to Vegas, which was “built for trouble.” I’ve never been there and have no desire to go.

They talk about the girls dipping into the lady pond, which Lala claims never to have done, and Andy says he’s never been with a woman either. Then everyone confesses everything or not. Zzzzz…. The Toms getting Vegas tattoos is discussed. Katie says she actually likes Schwartz’s “Bubba” tattoo, but Tom says he basically Googled “cool” and came up with the letter “A.” How drunk was he? While he had one laser treatment done, which we saw on the show, he hasn’t had another yet. No doubt Bravo was footing the bill for the first one.

Kristen’s apology tour is revisited. James says it was bs and Ariana agrees. They think she was only apologizing because she wanted to be invited to Hawaii. They go back and forth about Ariana having kissed Tom while he was living with Kristen and Kristen sleeping with several other people, including Jax, while she was living with Tom . Lisa thinks her apologies were self-serving. Probably.

Tom says she got advice from her therapist and has been regurgitating it the whole season. Andy asks if there’s anything Kristen can do to make Tom at peace with her. Tom says he already is and then he and Kristen argue about who was whose friend first. Tom says he’s cool, but he has things to say if asked and a lot of damage has been done. That doesn’t sound at peace to me.

Lala says she thought she and Kristen were good, but then Kristen talked smack behind her back. Kristen says Lala was hooking up with her ex-boyfriend. She says she doesn’t like the things Lala has said on social media. Lala says Kristen is fake. Kristen says she’s the least fake person in the world and Lala says, no, me. Ariana says Kristen can say she owns this or that, but she has no idea of the ripple effect her actions have caused.

Everyone starts talking at once. And using the f-word.

Next time, The Reunion — Part Two, James says Jax is jealous, Stassi joins the group, and so does Brittany.

Mar19

March 18, 2016 — Double the GH & Quotable Couches

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital — Thursday

Obrecht asks Franco if he’s doing some light reading. He tells her it’s a book made by Helena and she says she wouldn’t trust a grocery list from Helena. Ha-ha! Love her!

Maxie says what are the odds of two issues in a row being screwed up, adding that someone is out to get them.

Kristina pretends like she doesn’t know what Sonny is talking about, but he’s not buying it.

Sam says she doesn’t remember who originally got Jason the photos, but they were always on the mantel. She says Maxie redecorated when they broke up, and after that, the pictures were gone.

Franco tells Obrecht about not wanting kids and she says he has an affinity for them. She says few people aren’t worried about screwing their kids up and the ones who do, the kids bounce back. She says Nina must be on the baby track again.

Julian scoffs at the sabotage theory. Nina asks Julian if the whole thing doesn’t bother him. Tha’s a good question. Any other publisher would have been on the phone by now. Julian says no one is out to ruin Crimson. Maxie says the fashion world is cutthroat and Nina wonders who would benefit by Crimson’s demise.

Ava comes to get Avery so she can visit Kiki. Carly says Avery is asleep. Ava checks for herself.

Kristina says Sonny is attacking her. He says he barely sees her and wants to find out what’s going on while he has the chance. Molly says Kristina should have told them to begin with and Kristina tells her to shut up. Sonny asks if she’s going to tell Alexis what she’s hiding. When Kristina says nothing, Sonny says he will and tells them Kristina got kicked out of school.

Ava says she’ll be back and Carly and Sonny better not stop her. Carly asks why she wants to take Avery away. Ava says she just wants to take her home and asks if Carly and Sonny got it in their heads to keep Avery permanently.

Kristina says she was only suspended for one semester and how dare they dig into her private business? Sonny says as long as they’re paying for it, it’s their business. Sonny says there was an issue with a professor about harassment and if she’d come to them, they could have handled it. He’s sure that it was the professor that was out of line and turned the tables, and he’s going to fix it. Kristina says she’s not the victim and what the school said is all true. It was her fault. Alexis is astounded.

Maxie says when she spoke to the printer, it sounded like they had asked for the last issue to be printed in green. Julian says it sounds like a misunderstanding or a joke. He asks what’s more likely, a communication failure or a saboteur? Dillon suggests they find out who told the printer what.

Olivia comes to the hospital. She’s covered in hives and has to get to the hearing. Obrecht says she’ll do anything to stop Lomax’s anti-woman hysteria. She takes Leo and tells Olivia to go to the examining room. She gives Leo to Franco, saying she’s giving him an assignment — ten minutes with the baby and even he can’t screw that up.

Nina starts to call the printer. Julian says he’s had a relationship with them for years and he’ll call, and pretends to do it. He tells “the printer” that he wants to know what happened, and then pretends to listen. Julian tells them the printer said it was a mistake. Julian says there’s enough money for one more issue, the farewell to Crimson issue. They’ll send the magazine out on a high note.

Nina tells Dillon and Maxie they can leave, but she’s staying and has not yet begun to fight.

Franco talks to Leo about Leonardo da Vinci as only Roger Howarth can talk to a kid. He tells Leo he doesn’t think he would be a good father. He says he loved when he thought Kiki was his child, and enjoyed his time with Avery. He says he and Leo are getting along well. His phone rings and he sticks Leo in a laundry bin while he answers.

It’s Nina. She tells him it’s an emergency and she’s going to be late. He tells her to take her time, but save him some time too, because he wants to talk. He’s rethought the baby issue. Oops! Laundry bin gone.

Jason says it can’t be a coincidence that he picked the same photos that he’d owned before. Sam says maybe he recognized them. He says how can he remember pictures, but not the important stuff like their relationship?

Ava says Carly is deluded. Carly says not deluded, but hopeful that Ava will do the right thing. Ava says how should she react when someone tries to take her children and how would Carly react? Carly says she hopes she’d put the good of her child first. Ava says the judge decided Avery was better off with her and Carly says that will change when the court finds out how Ava’s business nearly killed Kiki.

Kristina tells them about flunking a class and how she offered sex in exchange for a passing grade. She says it didn’t get her anywhere and she kept pushing until the professor went to the ethics committee and she got suspended. She starts to cry, saying how stupid she was. She says she panicked because she was afraid of what they would think if she failed again. She did not fail with the earrings she picked out today though.

Sonny asks what she wants him to say. He says he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed.

Nina tells Dillon and Maxie to put their thinking caps on and try to salvage what’s left of the real woman issue. Maxie says last time they had a product, this time they just have pages. What should they do? Pay someone to put it together? Nina says that’s exactly what they’re going to do.

Obrecht comes out and Franco asks if she’s seen Leo. Obrecht says Franco should know where he is. He tells her that Leo disappeared from the laundry bin he left him in. Obrecht says, you lost him and he can’t even walk yet. Franco says she handed him a baby, what did she think was going to happen.

Sam tells Jason she misses the life they built together and that she’s falling for him all over again and doesn’t know where she’s going to land. She wants to give it a shot and Jason says he does too. he says the only thing stopping her from moving forward is her marriage — she wants a divorce.

Ava says the shooting can be traced back to Sonny. She says should they pursue that avenue of attack, it will be brought up. She’s an upstanding citizen who was helping with the arrest. Carly says it’s time to find another way to move forward. Ava says like her and Sonny have? and mentions the armed guards outside.

Kristina says she didn’t mean for this to happen and things just got out of control. She wishes she could do it over again. Sonny says him too. Molly tells Sonny not to talk to Kristina like that, like he’s never made mistakes. He says he wants Kristina to have a better life than he did. He says he’ll talk to the administration and get Kristina back in school. Alexis says let’s take a breath. Kristina says she doesn’t want to go back, and that everyone else knows who they are and what they’re supposed to do, but she doesn’t have those answers. Sonny tells her they’ll talk later and leaves. Alexis hugs Kristina.

Franco desperately looks for Leo.

Maxie says Nina doesn’t realize how much time, effort t and money it will take. Nina says the first 20 readers who compile enough issues to sell will get $1000. They’ll call it The Real Woman Real Cash contest. They’ll use social media, people will go wild and the publicity will be priceless. Maxie asks how they’ll get the issues to the readers. Nina says they’re going to drop pages from a plane. They’ll hire people to pick them up wearing Crimson T-shirts. Maxie says it’s crazy and she thinks it will work.

Olivia is talking to Obrecht and Franco says he has bad news. Obrecht moves aside and Leo is with Olivia. Franco makes something up about running out of paint. Olivia heads out with her prescription. Obrecht tells Franco that a nurse found Leo and took him to daycare.

Alexis tells Christina that she knows Sonny was harsh, but she’s not really a disappointment to them. They’re disappointed in themselves as parents. Kristina says it’s her fault. Alexis asks if there was anyone at school she could talk to and asks why Parker came to their house. Molly starts to field the question, but Alexis stops her and asks if there’s something Kristina isn’t telling her.

Sonny tells Carly that he had a run in with Kristina. Carly says Ava was there to take Avery, but Avery was napping. Sonny says now that Kiki is awake, he thought they’d have more time. Carly says Ava wanted to take Avery to visit Kiki, but she knows Ava is going to take her back permanently.

Julian tells Ava she’d better get Avery back before Sonny and Carly get ideas. Ava says they already have and tells him what happened. He tells her to be careful. She opens a box that’ been left for Kiki and there’s a black rose inside. She says the card is for Kiki, but the message is really for her.

Obrecht gives Franco a flask and tells him to take a sip, doctor’s orders. He says he knows that if he and Nina have a family, he’ll find a way to screw things up. Obrecht says, admittedly, things didn’t go well today.

Nina gets off the phone. She tells Dillon and Maxie that the Crimson air force is littering campuses at this very minute. She works fast!

Julian is concerned that the rose is from Dixon’s gang. Ava says she hasn’t been in contact with the gun runners since the delivery. The card says that everyone at the gallery is glad Kiki is getting better and glad the police saved her life, adding that her mother can sure pick her friends.

Sonny tells Carly not to worry about Avery. He has everything taken care of. She asks about Kristina. Sonny says she’s been lying to him and he has the feeling she still is.

Alexis asks Kristina to let her help. Olivia calls and says get to the courthouse now. The press is swarming the place. Alexis says she has to go. Kristina says she’s going to lie down. Alexis tells Molly to keep an eye on her.

Sam tells Jason they already have the paperwork in place. All Jason has to do is sign it. Jason is confused, since they both just said they wanted to give things another try. Sam says she doesn’t want to live in the past and compare it to what they have now, and that it would be easier and more fun to start over. Jason says she’s got herself a divorce. Please ask Elizabeth to be a bridesmaid when you remarry. Please.

Tomorrow, Olivia’s case is presented, the Crimson crew wonders who benefits from shutting them down, and Curtis tells Valerie she’s over-dressed.

General Hospital — Friday

Carly says the day Kiki fully recovers is the day they lose Avery. Sonny tells her don’t worry, he has a plan. He says he thinks Ava is going to realize Avery is better off with them.

Ava says her own people threatened her. Julian reminds her that she worked with law enforcement. Ava says she didn’t know that’s what she was going at the time. Julian says she’s a dead woman walking.

Operation Snowing Crimson is under way. Dillon texts Maxie and tells her pages are happening everywhere. Nina is worried that the readers won’t figure it out, or worse, won’t care.

Curtis tells Valerie she looks stunning, but over-dressed for what he has in mind. She says she thought they were going out for drinks, but he says they’re going on an adventure instead.

Kristina tells Molly she wishes her parents weren’t so hyped up about her life right now. Molly asks her why she just doesn’t tell them she’s gay, but Kristina says the jury is still out. Molly says what about her crush on Parker and Kristina says it’s more than a crush.

Alexis and Olivia are getting ready for the hearing. Alexis says she doesn’t want any woman going through what Olivia did. Diane and the mayor come in and Diane says the lawsuit is frivolous and a waste of the taxpayer’s money. Shame on Diane. I thought she’d be on our side.

Maxie wonders what happened to her fierce and focused boss. Nina says she’s worried.

Valerie says they made a deal, Curits is supposed to tell her his side of the story with Jordan if they go on another date. He says he’ll discuss his past with her, but something more fun and lucrative came up first. She asks how lucrative and tells him she can’t participate in a bank robbery. Curtis tells her about the Crimson contest. He says his mother always told him, if you can’t change your plans, you can’t change your life, and he wants to change his life for the better.

Nina says the issue was supposed to coincide with Olivia’s hearing. Nina asks Maxie if she breastfed, and Maxie says she wanted to and tried. Nina says she can’t wait to try. Maxie asks if Nina took her advice about a second opinion. Nina says yes, and that Franco changed his mind about them having a baby. Maxie tells her Crimson is trending on social media — all over the country.

Olivia tells Diane she’s not a puritan prude like Lomax. Lomax is like, I can hear you. Diane says she’s all in favor of anyone whipping anything out at any time, but that’s not the point. Lomax says that Olivia and Alexis already made their point at the police station. Lomax says it’s just a shameless publicity grab.

Sonny tells Carly not to worry again. She says Sonny has demonstrated a lack of ability to control his temper where Ava is concerned. He says Ava has dug her own grave and all he has to do is gently push her into it.

Ava says she had no choice but to do what Paul said. Julian says Paul put her in danger and he should be the one to keep her safe. He should at least assign a detail to her. Ava says Paul should do a lot of things, but she’s on her own. Julian asks her what she’s going to do.

Curtis tells Valerie about his mother passing away before she could see him clean up his life, and when she died, he was a disappointment to her. Valerie says her experience is the opposite and if her mother had been alive, maybe she wouldn’t have messed up. Curtis says they should put the past where it belongs for a few hours and get that thousand dollars.

Maxie says they’re going to show whoever is sabotaging Crimson that they they can pick themselves up. Nina talks about Julian speaking with the printer and says, doesn’t he make money from the magazine? Maxie says being in a coma for so long has spared Nina from evil people, but apparently Maxie doesn’t know Nina’s story, which Nina gives her a capsulized version of. Maxie asks who benefits from Crimson shutting down. Nina says, Julian.

Ava says she made a bargain with God to spare Kiki. Julian says he didn’t and he’s going to make sure she’s safe. Ava says she’s going to tell Dixon’s people the truth.

Carly tells Sonny that he and Kristina are a lot alike, and when something is bothering her, she projects it onto him. Sonny tells her about Max finding out Kristina was suspended from school. He tells her the explanation Kristina gave him. Carly agrees with Sonny that somehow it’s the professor’s fault. (This is one of the reasons they’re bad parents. They tend to immediately think their kids are never wrong.) Sonny says he’s going to have someone straighten out the professor. I thought Carly wanted things to change?

Kristina thanks Molly for standing up for her. Kristina says Molly has no idea how confusing it is for her. She says she has a history of dating the wrong guys, but never thought she’d be attracted to a woman before Parker. Molly suggests she might be bi-sexual. Kristina says she’s always been supportive of other people, but when it’s you, it’s strange.

Diana says Lomax did nothing to break the law. She didn’t prohibit Olivia from breastfeeding, she just complained, which she has a right to do. Lomax says Olivia was the one who got aggressive. Diane says Alexis wants to keep people from free speech and she needs to brush up on Constitutional law. Alexis says it’s a harassment case, not a free speech case. Lomax says if they don’t drop the case, they’ll regret the day they went up against her.

Molly says she thinks Alexis and Sonny will be fine no matter what Kristina’s sexuality is. Kristina says she doesn’t think Sonny can take having a bi-polar son and a bi-sexual daughter in the same month. Molly says no matter what, Kristina will always be who she is and she should be proud of that.

Carly objects to Sonny’s tactics (thank you). She says he might make things worse for Kristina. Sonny says he’ll just have someone dig around. Carly gets a call. There’s a health inspection at the hotel and she has to go.

Olivia asks if Lomax is threatening her. Lomax tells her to cool her jets. Lomax brings up Julian being a known criminal, and Alexis having two children by known mobsters. She tells Olivia that she’s already canceled events at the hotel and Olivia says she only opened it up to better clientele. Lomax says that’s not all she can do. Diane tells her to shut up because Olivia has been taping the conversation.

Julian tells Ava to let her big brother handle things.

Molly says Kristina is underestimating Alexis and Sonny, and that they’ll love her no matter what. They’re just worried about her and they know there’s more to the story. Kristina says let’s drop it for now and concentrate on Alexis’s case. Molly says she’ll drive to the courthouse if Kristina tells her about Parker.

Sonny tells Max to get to the bottom of what happened between Kristina and Parker. Poor Max. One day, he’s assistant to The Godfather, and the next, he’s Mr. French.

Nina says Julian hired her because he wanted Crimson to fail and expected it to be a loss, but it doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure why she thinks that because it makes total sense. She asks Maxie if she has any enemies and Maxie says not lately. There’s a knock at the door. It’s the health inspector telling them to evacuate.

The inspector tells Carly that they’re shutting the place down.

Olivia says she was only checking social media, not recording anything. Diane says it’s against the law to tape a conversation without both parties’ consent. (Really? In New York?) Alexis says not a public official. Diane counters with not in a court, but Alexis says court isn’t in session, so it doesn’t count. Lomax tries to get Olivia’s phone from her and they tussle. Girl fight!

Julian says he’ll go to the meeting for Ava, but tells her to be careful in the meantime.

Carly tells the inspector that everything on the report is a lie. Maxie and Nina come in saying they were kicked out. The inspector says that it was a mistake to close the offices and they can stay. Nina puts two and two together about Olivia’s hearing and Olivia being part owner of the hotel. She says they have a common enemy. Lomax

During the fight, Olivia drops her phone and Diane picks it up. Diane gives it back to her, but she’s erased the recording.

Back at the office, Maxie says the mayor didn’t have anything to do with the green issue, so they’re back to square one. She gets online and sees a few people have put the magazine together and tells Nina to get out her checkbook. Curtis and Valerie come in with a completed issue. It looks pretty beat up though. Valerie is missing a shoe and Curtis says it’s a madhouse out there.

Ava comes to see Sonny. He says she’s not taking Avery and she says that’s not why she’s there.

All the pages are there and Curtis says show them the money. Curtis tells Valerie that watching her crawl through the mud for the pages was a thing of beauty. They flirt. Valerie says it’s been a while since she had fun.

Alexis tells Molly and Kristina she’s sorry they saw that, since it wasn’t too mature. They say they’re proud of her. Alexis asks about the magazine, but before Julian can answer, Lomax comes in. She says Julian is now under surveillance and that Alexis will lose her license if he makes a misstep. Carly comes hurtling in and tells Olivia she has to drop the lawsuit.

Ava says Kiki is going to need a lot of time recovering, and Avery needs at least one parent with her, so Sonny should keep her for now. She leaves and Sonny gets on the phone. He’s the one who sent the rose.

Tomorrow, Dante finds Maxie’s handcuffs? (did I see that right?) Monica isn’t going to let Tracy die and Alexis needs Carly’s help.

The People’s Couch Quotes of the Week

If they make out, I swear I’ll drop this mug on your carpet.
They won’t, and if you do, you’ll buy me a new carpet.

— Nicole and Rachel respectively, referring to Jax and Stassi on Vanderpump Rules.

Bitch, I’m watching Ru Paul. Can you not call me? — Destiny, while watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

Who came up with that say uncle stuff?
Somebody’s uncle.

— Rashawn and Princella respetively, while watching Gotham.

Would you ever be on Naked and Afraid?
Hell no. We came into this world naked and afraid. We already did that show.

— Rashawn and Lamont respectively, while watching Naked and Afraid.

Mar17

March 16, 2016 — GH & Little Women a Deux

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Dillon is breaking out the champagne, but Maxie thinks it’s too early to celebrate. Dillon says what else could go wrong, but Maxie says that’s what they said about the green issue. Maxie adds that it’s March 15 and the Bible tells them to beware the Ides of March. (Um…no, it doesn’t.)

Epiphany is excited about being in the magazine. Elizabeth just dropped off Jake back at school and tells her about Franco coming to Philly to visit at the hospital. Epiphany asks what’s up with her and Franco.

In the hospital locker room, Franco is looking over the book Helena willed to Elizabeth. Nina comes in. She says she’s been giving him the silent treatment for two days and he hasn’t even noticed.

Sonny tells Max he wants an inquiry into a fugitive — Carrrlos Rivera. He says Carrrlos is alive and on the run. As much as Sonny wants him dead, he says Carrrlos has to be brought in alive so they can nail Julian.

Julian makes breakfast for Alexis. The case is on the front page of the Port Charles Press, and Alexis tells him he’s the best husband in the world. He suggests breakfast in bed.

Jason is in his new place, working on his bike, and Sam shows up with his plaque.

Sonny tells Max his priority is Julian. Kristina comes in and Max says he’ll go deal with it. Sonny asks how Kristina is doing. She says thanks to him, she wasn’t held hostage for long and everyone was pretty surprised when he got out of the wheelchair. She says it meant a lot to have Sonny at the wedding, even before he saved her life. Sonny wants to have a real conversation about school and Parker.

Molly comes over to Alexis’s. She’s brought flowers that are a symbol of good luck. She says a lot of her classmates have been talking about the case, and how it’s all over social media. She’s impressed with her mother’s coolness.

Dillon tells her that the Ides thing is from Julius Caesar. He says he didn’t realize she was so superstitious. She says she isn’t, but she wants Crimson to succeed and knows Julian isn’t keen on it. Dillon says they’re waiting for Tracy’s biopsy results and Tracy isn’t the most patient patient. He’s not crazy about Dr. Mays either. Maxie tells him it will be okay.

Sam is like, nice decorating choice with the bike, and Jason says he’s still waiting on his furniture. She tells him about the will reading and how Helena left her and her sisters a penny. Jason asks how they’re going to divvy it up.

Elizabeth says there’s nothing going on between her and Franco. Epiphany says she’s seen the pictures from the Gala and seen them with their heads together around the hospital. Elizabeth says they were conferring about Jake and she isn’t close to being over Jason.

Franco says Nina is always silent since she’s always at work. He says he’s been working a lot and visiting Kiki, who’s made an improvement. He asks what he did. Nina says he went to Philly to visit Elizabeth and Jake, and didn’t even tell her.

Kristina says an independent study might be weird, but it’s pretty straightforward. She deflects the topic, asking about Morgan. She says it must be hard for Sonny to watch Morgan go through changes. Sonny says he got past it and wants to show Morgan that he can too. He brings the topic back to the independent study and says he’s not swallowing the story.

Alexis says that she’s glad so many women can see it’s important to enforce the allowance of breastfeeding law. Julian is like, hey, it’s not just women that are supportive.

Dillon tells Maxie to relax and that the magazine will be fine. They talk about her being a model. She says she’s worried because the printer asked her if they wanted the issue printed in green again. Dillon says he’s probably just double checking. He says the green issue put them on the map and this one will take them to the next level. The new issue arrives. This ought to be good.

Nina asks if Franco makes house calls to another state. She says Franco told her he would make a terrible father, yet he went to visit Jake without even telling her. She says when two people are living together and in a relationship, they let each other know if they’re going out of town. He says Jake is having a hard time dealing with the Jason thing and she asks if it’s job to fix it. He tells her that he likes Elizabeth, but Nina has nothing to be jealous about. They’re just friends.

Epiphany continues to prod Elizabeth about Franco. Elizabeth says she’s told Franco that they’re not even friends. Epiphany says Franco never got the memo, and neither did Nina. She tells Elizabeth not to get caught between those two wackos.

Maxie opens the box of magazines and all that’s in it are covers. The next box is filled with one other page, and so on.

Julian says he’ll meet Alexis at the courthouse. Alexis says the more press, the better. He goes to work. Molly tells Alexis she seems ridiculously happy. She says she’s happy with TJ too. Alexis says Sam is also happy and that just leaves Kristina. She asks Molly what’s up with her sister anyway.

Kristina says there’s nothing weird about it and she has to get to the courthouse. Sonny says his offer stands that if it gets crowded at Julian’s she’s welcome there. He says maybe if she visits more often and gets more comfortable, she’ll tell him her secret. Yep. Parents always know, even when you think they don’t.

Sam tells Jason she’s better at fixing engines than he is and she can teach him a thing or two. They start to kiss. I guess they have a different definition of fixing an engine than I do.

Each box of the magazine is filled with separate pages and there isn’t one copy of the full issue put together. Get out the binding glue.

Nina says every time she talks about having kids, Franco says he’d be a bad father, but obviously he’s bonded with Jake. Franco says he loves kids and wants to see Nina happy, but he’s trying to be realistic. He thinks no adoption agency will give them a child. Nina tells him about getting a second opinion about having their own child. He says cool, go for it. She asks if she needs to worry about Elizabeth. Franco says no and that he loves her. She says she loves him too, and leaves for work.

Sam and Jason are getting busy, and his phone rings. His delivery is coming in ten minutes.

Elizabeth comes in the locker room and says she heard Nina talking about her. She says they’re not even friends and brings up when Franco kidnaped her child. She says she still doesn’t trust him and not to talk to her unless he has to. She says he’s not going to work with Jake anymore either.

Nina comes into the office. Maxie and Dillon show her the pages. Nina is like, huh? Dillon says the issue wasn’t bound and there are just individual pages in the boxes. It also went to the newsstand that way. Maxie says the printer claims she ordered it that way. Nina says the printer is an idiot. Maxie says if they want to fix it, they have to pay for a new run. Nina says Julian is going to have to shell out the money. Julian is standing behind her and says no he’s not. What a jerk this guy is. Just pay the freaking taxes and stop torturing these girls. I’m also wondering why no one is making noises about wanting to see the printer’s work order and a possible lawsuit if he doesn’t fix things.

Alexis says Kristina admitted she had something to tell her after the wedding and now Kristina is avoiding her. Alexis’s phone rings. It’s Olivia. She tells Molly they’re not done. Kristina arrives and Molly tells her that Alexis knows something is up and she needs to talk to her.

Sonny tells Max about the tuition check for Kristina and the story she told about it not being cashed. He asks Max to find out what’s going on. Because Max has nothing better to do. Yeah, just drop that Carrrlos thing and go hang out at Kristina’s school all day.

Kristina says everyone has their hands full with other things and they don’t need to be worrying about her. Molly says the least she can do is tell her parents about getting kicked out of school. Kristina says then she’ll have to explain everything else. Molly says Alexis loves her and Sonny does too, plus he’s not in a position to be judging other people. Kristina says she wants to figure things out for herself before telling anyone else. Alexis has come back downstairs and says, figure out what?

Julian makes up a bunch of nonsense about why he can’t put any money into the magazine. He says that if anyone can solve it though, it’s Nina, and he has faith that she can. Maxie reminds her about the green issue and how she said they have to embrace the suck. I’m considering putting that on a bumper sticker..

Franco shows Elizabeth the book that she apparently left on top of the lockers. He says it’s disturbing. She says it’s just Helena’s way of bugging her. He asks if she doesn’t want to know what’s meant by never forget and never tell. If she doesn’t, I do.

Jason’s stuff comes and he wants Sam to help decorate. She opens two packages containing framed photos and asks where he got them.

Franco tells Elizabeth she can’t run away from the book. She says doesn’t Franco think she wants to know what Jake’s secret is? Franco asks her to let him still work with Jake and it won’t have anything to do with them, just him and Jake. Elizabeth asks for his help.

Nina hasn’t come up with anything. She asks Maxie if she has any thoughts. Maxie says she thinks someone is sabotaging Crimson.

Kristina says it’s not the time and place to talk, but she’ll talk later. Alexis says she’s going to hold her to that. She says she wanted to take the case so that her daughters will have an easier time of it than her generation did, and not be judged for doing what’s natural.

Sonny shows up. He tells Kristina that whatever she’s keeping from them, she needs to spill it now.

Jason says he got the photos in an antique store. Sam says they were originally his and he had them on the mantel for years. Well, I guess his taste hasn’t changed any.

Tomorrow, Maxie confronts Julian about her sabotage theory, Kristina claims to know nothing about anything, and Sam says she wants a divorce.

Little Women: Atlanta

Finally. The season finale. I don’t know which has been more painful. This, or The Real Housewives of Potomac.

Amanda is trying to focus on her relationship with her boyfriend, Jordan, who actually got a job. They want to move out because it’s gotten to be close quarters with Andrea and her boyfriend, Chris. Even little people can get cramped.

The twins discuss the tension between Minnie and Monie (who sound like a 60’s folk rock duo).

Bri needs to make a decision about her boyfriend, Wooda (cooda shooda). She’s been living with Emily, but it’s a temporary situation. Bri says she has to decide or she and Wooda will just keep going back and forth forever.

Monie is making chicken tacos, surprising Morlin, her boyfriend. She’s not exactly a domestic engineer. Monie talks about her altercation with Minnie. She feels Minnie owes her a big apology. She asks Morlin if she can be a housewife if her voice-over career doesn’t take off.

Morlin says with housewife comes responsibility and he’s been thinking about an addition to their family. Monie asks what kind of dog they’re getting. BA DUM BUM! She says he’d better put a ring on it first.

Minnie wants her friend back because she has good news. She’s written to her father and he responded. He’d denied being her father while she was growing up and she’s always felt not good enough. Although she’s asked him before, he’s now willing to take a DNA test. Her mother is shocked, but says she feels relieved.

Emily is finding out what sex the baby is, and possibly if it’s average or little. She’s gained a pound. The doctor discusses diet with her and she says she’s doing her best to eat healthfully. She’s having a boy, which is what she’d wanted. The doctor does a sonogram. The doctor says she can’t be certain, but she thinks the baby is average sized. Everything is also on schedule.

Amanda is using a lint roller on herself. Do they have pets? They’ve invited Minnie and Monie over for a friendship intervention. Minnie gets there first, but neither one knows the other is coming. Minnie says they both say the other has changed. She says she can’t stand the distance and is ready to put things behind her. Monie arrives.

Commercial break. Terra’s Little Family begins again next Wednesday at 10 pm.

The twins tell Minnie and Monie that they’ve brought them together to be friends again. Minnie says she apologizes and says let’s let the past be the past. Monie says they haven’t exactly set a good example for the twins and wants to move forward.

Minnie tells them she’s having a party called Minnie Turns Over a New Leaf. I didn’t know parties had names. She tells them about reaching out to her father and how she’s ready to stop looking back.

Bri goes back home. She’s decided to end things for good. She tells Wooda he has to find a new place to live. He’s like, aight. Geez, what a catch. Bri says the non-relationship relationship isn’t working for her. They discuss sharing time with Malik. He’s going to sleep on the couch in the meantime and she tells him no sneaking into her room. She gives him a week.

Minnie talks to her mom. She wants her mom to know why a relationship with her father is important. She says that she’d want her future children to have two grandparents. Her mother says her own father was special to her and she’d always wanted Minnie to have a relationship with her father. Minnie wonders if the DNA test says he’s her father, will he step up to the plate? Her mom says if he doesn’t, then it’s his loss.

The twins and their boyfriends go to an indoor trampoline park. I can’t say I’ve ever heard of that before. Amanda tells Andrea that it’s time for her and Jordan to move out. Andrea says she’d better call her every day.

Emily’s daughter, Ava, is coming to visit and they go to Emily’s house. Emily gives her daughter the baby news by giving her a big sister T-shirt, but they still have to explain it since she’s pretty young.

Monie goes with Minnie to fill out the paperwork for the DNA test. The technician takes a DNA sample from Minnie. Monie asks what if he’s not her father. Minnie says she’d have to shake down her mom for answers then.

It’s moving day. Monie and Morlin are there to help, although it doesn’t look like it’s that much stuff. When Amanda leaves, Andrea starts to cry.

It’s time for Minnie’s party. All the girls are finally getting along. Minnie gets the test results and she’s afraid to open them. She’s going to do it at the party, and I wonder if that’s the best idea. The pastor from the bootcamp is also there, along with Juicy.

Monie hasn’t seen Juicy since she threw a drink at her, but Juicy apologizes for what she had said that caused it. Minnie opens the envelope. She starts to cry. The results are 99.999999% in favor of him being her father. It remains to be seen if he’ll be the father she wants.

She calls and tells him the results. He wants to see the hard copy and asks how soon he can get it. She says tomorrow and he says good night. Nice guy. I don’t blame him for wanting to see it, but he sounds like a cold fish. Minnie starts sobbing hysterically.

She recovers though and they make jokes about eyelash glue. She says at least she knows the truth. She says the girls aren’t just her friends, but they’re her family. The dancing commences.

Next week, The Reunion, with Terra as hostess and an appearance by the mysterious Troy.

Little Women: LA

Jasmine is throwing Briana a bachelorette party in Mexico. Christy is buying new luggage. She can fit into most of the bags. Her mom is with her and Christy tells her that Terra and Tonya don’t want to go because they don’t support the marriage. Christy says she doesn’t either, but she wants her friendship with Briana back.

Jasmine and Briana meet Ali at a bar. Briana feels a bond because Ali also eloped in Vegas. Ali says the housewarming party was cool, but she didn’t get good vibes from Terra and Tonya. Jasmine says it’s time to strengthen their bond of friendship or cut the cord. She invites Ali on the trip. Briana says it’s her party and they can cry if they want to.

Terra invites Elena over to update her and Tonya’s makeup look. The first thing Elena tells them is to throw out their 20-year-old makeup. They discuss the bachelorette party. Tonya says she was okay with the marriage until Matt said he wanted to keep the kids from their grandparents.

Terra and Tonya don’t want to go. Jasmine says she thinks Briana would care, but they say she won’t. Elena is still pissed about Briana’s marriage announcement at her wedding vow renewal. She says she isn’t going to tell anyone about her pregnancy until after the party, but she wants everyone to act like grown-ups.

Destination Cancun. Wish I could fit in a suitcase. Terra and Tonya have decided to come along. Jasmine says no one could get mad sitting on a beach in Mexico. She asks that if anyone has a beef, to bring it to her and not Briana. Christy doesn’t think that’s a good way to start off, but I think it is for this group. Tonya is afraid of what will happen after her first Margarita. Here’s a thought, don’t drink.

The hotel is pretty fabulous. The first night they’re keeping it low key, but the next two are for partying. Briana says she doesn’t want strippers, but other than that, she’s open to anything.

Terra visits Elena’s room. She doesn’t think Briana cares if she’s there or not, but she wants to show her support. Elena says she won’t be drinking because she’s pregnant. Elena thought it was fair to tell her first, since Terra told her first with Penny. Terra is excited that they can be pregnant together. She says it’s going to be hard to keep quiet about it, but she wants to give Elena the time she needs.

Tonya and Terra are having drinks when Ali comes by. Ali says she’s glad to see them, but startled, since she heard they weren’t supportive of Briana. Tonya explains that Briana had lied to them about being married. Ali wonders if they had been supportive in the first place, if Briana would have lied. Ali seems confused how they can be supportive of Briana, but not her relationship with Matt. Well you can, but you need to keep your mouth shut.

They have dinner. Briana is wearing a sash and mini bridal veil. Jasmine is fluent in Spanish, which is a plus, especially at a restaurant. Jasmine makes a toast and then Briana makes one. She starts thanking Jasmine and Tonya pretends to choke. She asks Briana if she’s happy they all came. Briana says yes, and Terra says she hopes this can be a new beginning.

Tonya asks again if Briana is happy about them being there. Briana says she is, but she’s hesitant because of the past. Terra says technically, Jasmine invited them, so they wondered. Tonya says she’s not happy with the situation, but she’s there to be supportive of Briana. Is this really necessary? And is being supportive rubbing her nose in it? Tonya says they’ll talk later. Can’t anyone ever just have a weekend?

It’s raining, so Christy, Elena and Ali play ping pong. Christy says Briana is acting more like herself because Matt isn’t around. Elena isn’t sure if Christy is supportive or not because she rides both sides of the fence. Christy says if Briana loves this man and she’s happy, she surrenders. I become super aware of how many times I’m typing “supportive” and “relationship.”

It’s still raining, and Jasmine procures Christy’s help to set up some games. Jasmine brought a bunch of wigs for them to wear. Andy Cohen would like this. Jasmine wants everyone to chill and asks Christy if she thinks Tonya and Terra are here for the right reasons. She says the first person who gives a dirty look is out.

The party begins. Christy says she’s planned a surprise for later. Jasmine says since it’s raining, she thought the wigs would protect their hair. Tonya says she’s allergic to synthetic hair, but she really just doesn’t want to wear it and gets all kinds of insulting in her individual interview. She is one mean lil boss. Jasmine gives the girls popsicles and wants to see what they do with them. Don’t ask. Then they play a question game.

The question Tonya gets to read is what does Briana like about Matt’s character. Crickets chirp. Finally a few struggling answers come out.

Tonya tells Terra afterward that this was the most boring party ever. Christy tells her to just make an attempt at having fun. Tonya says Briana didn’t seem happy. Christy says they weren’t going to bring up Matt. Yeah, for Matt not being here, he sure is present.

Christy says it’s about to get unboring. She says Briana said no strippers, but not no little people strippers.

They have champagne and tequila back in one of the rooms. Jasmine thinks Elena is bringing things down because she won’t drink. Elena makes up something about not feeling well. They turn up the music and start to dance. Ali tells Briana she’s supposed to get black out drunk at her bachelorette party. There’s a knock at the door. It’s the stripper. Briana isn’t happy, she says she’s a married woman, and goes into another room, saying she’s done.

The rest of the girls are into it, but Briana says she’s not coming in. Jasmine says he promises not to touch her. Briana doesn’t want to make the guy feel badly, so she comes back, but says she’s not going to participate. She doesn’t. Kind of. Christy says this is the way to throw a bachelorette party and they all dance.

Tonya wants one on one time with Briana. They have a drink by the pool. Tonya says she’s concerned for Briana’s happiness. She says no one’s marriage is perfect and she wants to make sure Matt is treating her right. She thinks he has control issues. Briana says she’s happy and has nothing to hide. Tonya says she feels in her heart that Briana’s hiding something. She says Briana doesn’t seem like a happy newlywed and she’s different, but not in a good way.

Briana says she’s moving forward in her life and doesn’t have to prove it to anyone. Tonya says it’s hard for the girls to believe because of the lies in the past.

And we’re out.

If you can catch Vanderpump Rules: Uncensored, it’s worth it. A lot of behind-the-scenes stuff and information about how the show came to be.

Mar16

March 15, 2016 — GH, BH, Haves, Nots & Wrong Loving

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Such a great episode yesterday! It’s opened the door to so many new storylines. Leave it to Helena to stir the pot, even after death. And I don’t care if Nicholas buried her in the backyard, I still say she’ll never die. Her and Faison.

Ava is talking to an unconscious Kiki. She says Kiki always did the opposite of what Ava asked her to and says maybe she should tell Kiki to stay asleep.

Sonny visits Morgan in the hospital.

Valerie sees Dante. She somehow managed to make it to graduation. Dante tells her that he and Lulu are back together.

Laura ponders Helena’s key. She says if she were smart, she’d throw it into the harbor and forget about it. Nicholas asks if that’s what she’s going to do and she says, nope.

Julian is speaking on the phone, conferring with someone to sabotage the Crimson issue. Alexis comes into his office with the dagger.

Anna tells Griffin it’s because of Duke that he’s been following her. He asks how she knew. Did she have a baby with Duke she doesn’t know about? Hey, could happen. Remember Vicki on One Life to Live?

Ava tells Kiki she loves her. She says she doesn’t care if Kiki ever talks to her again, as long as she talks to someone.

Morgan says he doesn’t want to see Sonny or anyone.

Laura says no matter what, the key will come back to haunt her. Nicholas says that’s what Helena wants, for them to look over their shoulders for what’s coming next. Laura says she succeeded. Nicholas tells Hayden he hopes she didn’t change her mind about marrying him and she says of course not. They talk about ELQ and he says she’s the only one who can help defend him against a Quartermaine onslaught.

Dante says he knows Valerie is seeing someone too. She says the jury is still out. He says Jordan doesn’t seem like a fan. Valerie says Jordan told her Curtis used to be a coke addict.

Curtis calls Hayden and says it’s an emergency.

Julian takes the dagger from Alexis. She asks if Nina is there and he says he’s waiting to go over some stuff with her.

Griffin’s middle name is Hugh which is a Lavery family name. Anna asks if he’s related to Duke and he says yes. He’s Duke’s son.

Dante asks Valerie if she’s still going to see Curtis. She says maybe, and that everyone makes mistakes and she wouldn’t want to be measured by hers forever. She says she appreciates his concern but her personal life isn’t his business. He has a nerve too, considering he’s been no angel.

Hayden says she’s going out for a while and Nicholas should focus on Laura.

Alexis says she’s had a strange day. Julian says, obviously. She says the dagger has brought the memories of her mother’s murder back. Can I put in a request for flashbacks?

Sonny gives Morgan a tablet, so he can communicate with everyone. Morgan says why, he has nothing to say. He asks about Kiki and Sonny says she’s surrounded by people who will help her get better, like Morgan is. Morgan says he’ll never get better.

Ava calls the nurse in because Kiki said something. She goes nuts on the nurse and demands to see the doctor.

Anna asks if Duke knew about Griffin. He says he never met Duke, and his mother was deeply religious and it would upset her to talk about him. When she died, she left him a letter. It wasn’t a serious relationship, and Duke never knew she was pregnant, but by the time she caught up to him, he was already in love with Anna and she decided not to say anything. Anna feels badly that because of her, Griffin never knew his father and Duke didn’t know he had a son.

Anna says Griffin must hate her. He says no, She asks why he didn’t just approach her. He says he didn’t know how to and she’s the only one who can help him get to know his father. She tells him that Duke was the casualty of a mob war. They were going to leave town and start over, but before they could, he was ambushed. She says she’s doing everything she can to bring his killer to justice. Griffin has to go back to the hospital and leaves, forgetting the letter.

Julian says he can only imagine the trauma. Alexis says she repressed it and tried to kill Helena later, but that didn’t happen. She says she hates being a Cassadine. He says he can sympathize having grown up in the Jerome family, but he’s moved past it and they’re moving forward with their own family. Alexis says their demons are in the past.

Hayden asks Curtis what the emergency is. He’s found an apartment and needs a co-signer. She says she was in the middle of something important with her husband He says the husband that tried to kill her.

Laura thinks the key looks like it belongs to a piece of furniture.

Morgan says he doesn’t even have a reason to get out of bed. Sonny says it’s not forever and as soon as the doctors find the right meds combo, he can come home and live a normal life. Morgan is skeptical.

Ava tells Griffin that Kiki hasn’t woken up, but no one can tell her why she hasn’t woken up yet. Griffin says her vitals are better, but they don’t have an estimated time and any answer he gave her would be a guess. Ava says Kiki spoke again. Griffin says he’s going to examine her to see if there are any changes.

Alexis says Olivia’s hearing is tomorrow and she’s going to have to work on the case all night. Julian says he knows she has it all sewn up, but he knows she didn’t come there for moral support, so whats’ up?

Valerie says she looks forward to the day she and Dante can put everything behind them. She says when she first came to Port Charles, she was excited about having family, and she’ll always care about both Dante and Lulu.

Hayden says no negativity about Nicholas, he’s having a rough time having been cut out of Helena’s will. She co-signs and says she expects to be paid back in service’s rendered. Curtis drinks out of an empty coffee cup. Look, actors, if the director won’t tell you this, I will, because you keep making the same mistake. Even if it really has nothing in it, at least make it look like the cup is a little heavy. It’s called “acting.”

Nicholas asks Laura why she doesn’t get rid of the key and deny Helena any more of her emotional effort and time. She says whatever Helena has put into motion, the consequences are still waiting for her and even beyond the grave, Helena is still playing her twisted games.

Anna reads the letter. Griffin’s mother says she was very young and in love, and that Duke lived a life very different from her own. She says once Griffin was born, she realized she should track him down, but by then he was with Anna, and she saw right away they had a bond she didn’t want to interfere with. She says she missed him every day, but Griffin lessened the pain and she knew she’d never be alone.

Sonny says if he could take away Morgan’s pain, he would, but in a way he’s glad Morgan is feeling it. That means he’s dealing with things. He promises Morgan it will pass and he’ll get through it. He says Morgan won’t go through it alone and he has a lot of people rooting for him. They’ll get through it together.

Griffin says there are indications of increased brain activity and he thinks Kiki will wake up soon. He says he knows Ava feels helpless, but surrounding Kiki with love and support is the best thing she can do. Ava says she’s not sure her presence comforts Kiki, since she hasn’t been so selfless in the past. Griffin says she doesn’t need to wonder what to do; she’s already doing it. Anna listens from outside the door.

Hayden leaves and Curtis sees Valerie. He says she’s just in time to help him celebrate getting his new apartment.

Anna gives Griffin the letter. He asks if she read it and Anna says yes. He says good, he didn’t want her to fault his mother for keeping him from Duke. Griffin says he’s not even sure if Duke would have wanted him. Anna says he would have, that he was a wonderful step-father. She tells him they tried to have their own child, but she lost it. and she was always sorry he didn’t have a child of his own. She says she’d like to give him a window for how Duke would have treated him.

Alexis wants press coverage of the hearing and Julian says he’ll provide it. She says they’re going to have every nursing mother within a 20 mile radius there. Julian hopes the mayor doesn’t have a heart attack.

Ava continues to talk to Kiki, saying she wishes she knew how to help. Kiki says “Morgan” again. Bleh.

Morgan says all he does it hurt people and even if he gets better, there’s nothing he can do for Kiki. Sonny’s phone rings and it’s Ava. She asks if he’s with Morgan. Ava tells Sonny that Kiki is showing signs of waking up and she’s asking for Morgan. She asks if Morgan can talk to Kiki. She thinks it might help.

Laura says Helena loved games and wonders if she’s hidden something in plain site.

Hayden says that Nicholas didn’t end up with nothing; he still has the lovely portrait. Nicholas says don’t remind him. Hayden says let’s go upstairs

Curtis says maybe he and Valerie can have a second date if Jordan hasn’t scared her off.

Anna tells Griffin that Duke lives on in his son, a doctor and a man who saves lives. She says Duke would have been enormously proud of him.

Sonny tells Morgan if he wants to help Kiki, now’s the time. Morgan gets on the phone and Ava puts it by Kiki’s ear. She says his name again. He asks if it’s her and she wakes up. She asks if he’s okay and he says now that he can hear her voice, he’s good. He promises to come see her soon.

On the phone, Julian tells the saboteur that it’s done and it’s exactly what he wanted.

Tomorrow, the new Crimson issue is released, Alexis grills Molly about Kristina and Sonny grills Kristina about herself.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Yolanda is getting ready to make a speech at a Lyme’s disease event and calls husband David because she’s stuck about what to say. He pretends to be supportive. She’s also inviting all the ladies to the event in NYC.

Kathryn is getting a new device to help her hearing. She’s very excited, but my question is, do you really want to hear all this crap? She might be sorry as soon as she goes to the next dinner party. She says until you lose one, you don’t realize how much you rely on your senses. Truth! She also realizes she’s probably been hollering at people for some time now.

Being a cancer survivor, Camille is having an event to end women’s cancer at her home. I love Camille and think she really got the shaft from that jerk she was married to who shall remain nameless. Kelsey Grammer. Camille is also selling some jewelry for the cause and Kyle says sometimes the only way to get people to donate is to shop. And they do.

Yolanda has a new short haircut, but I don’t remember her hair not being short. LisaR is uncomfortable about seeing her again. She’s going to be working and won’t be able to come to Yolanda’s event. She says she never knows what she’s going to get with Yolanda and doesn’t really trust her. I don’t know if I’d go that far, but I think Yolanda lacks understanding about quite a bit for someone so well-traveled.

Yolanda says she’s almost become psychic in the past year and LisaR’s energy has hit her weird. Okay. She gives Lisa a hug. Lisa says she saw the Instagram of Yolanda, Kim and Brandy the same day Yolanda was supposed to go to Erika’s party. Yolanda says she only has so much energy, and she’s known the other girls longer. She says they’ve supported her more than the rest of them put together. Really? I find that hard to believe.

LisaR wants to talk it out, but Yolanda says they’ve already done that. Lisa says the picture made her angry. Yolanda says someone else posted the picture in the first place. Eileen thinks she’s missing the point and says it’s not about the picture. Lisa says it gave her a trust issue and Yolanda says she has a trust issue with Lisa and trust is earned over time. Lisa says she just doesn’t understand the choice. Erika interjects that it was okay with her. Lisa says she’s in a lose-lose situation. Yolanda says it’s really between her and Erika and none of Lisa’s business, which I have to agree with. Lisa says you can get away with anything when you’re sick, and I also have to agree that there are people who do that. Everyone decides it’s a work in progress. Yolanda is tired and leaves. Lisa feels that something isn’t quite honest.

Kathryn visits LisaV, who greets her at the door with new pup Schnookie. Ken joins them. Giggy! Lisa tells her about the dog meat festival in Yulan and comes to tears talking about it. She and Ken have organized a march to protest. I’m so with her on this, having kept up with the issue myself and signed online petitions. Kathryn says she’ll do what she can to help. Kathryn likes Lisa and has no clue what’s up with Erika.

Oooh! LisaV has those magenta highlights again in her individual interview.

The ladies meet for dinner at a gorgeous restaurant with tables outside and lanterns hanging from the trees. Mauricio gives a toast and thanks them for being involved in the Habitat for Humanity project.

Mauricio is just back from Dubai and Kyle wants to go on a girls trip there. It’s a 16-hour flight. Count me out. Eileen says she needs a day off and can’t go to the march. In her individual interview, she says it’s awkward because she knows LisaV knows what she said about her being manipulative. She brings up the topic and Lisa asks exactly what she means by that. LisaR says it’s not manipulation but taking someone in a direction. LisaV says LisaR often has a delayed reaction to things, which is true.

LisaR says that LisaV texted her about Yolanda’s bi-polar comment, wondering why she wasn’t upset by it. Kyle says LisaR tends to be a follower and LisaV is more like a leader. LisaR says she prefers to think of herself as a people pleaser. Kathryn says she’s turning her hearing aid down. Told you.

It’s time for the Yulan march. Giggy! LisaV isn’t interested in anything negative today and refuses to discuss any of the dinner stuff. She and Kyle make jokes about Lisa’s manipulative ways. Lisa says look at all the people she manipulated into marching. At first, the march goes in the wrong direction and they end up picketing a church instead of the embassy or whatever. Oops. Kyle is like, we’re yelling at the wrong people. They finally get to their destination and afterwards, Lisa invites everyone to PUMP for a drink.

StopYulanForever.org

Yolanda invited Brandi and Kim on the NYC trip. Too bad they can’t make it…not. Neither can the two Lisas. Kyle talks about Dubai again and invites the ladies. Yolanda thinks it would wear her out too much though.

LisaR and Eileen are luggage shopping. Eileen has trepidation about the Dubai trip. Eileen talks about LisaR feeling more secure around her when they’re alone, but not so much when LisaV is around. She talks about Kyle and LisaV deflecting the subject to LisaR being a follower. Lisa looks up scapegoat. LisaR says, so she got pissed about something, big f-ing deal. Eileen says she’d better watch herself in Dubai since you can get arrested for cursing. I’m definitely out.

The ladies discuss the altercation between Eileen and LsaV. Kathryn thinks it’s cultural; Erika thinks it’s a personality clash and that Lisa doesn’t think she has anything to apologize for. She did apologize anyway though, so I don’t get why it can’t be dropped already.

The girls go to a cocktail party at The Jewel Suite. It’s a suite decorated in jewels by some famous designer. Um…I’m not that impressed, since it kind of looks like a jewelry museum and not a place I’d want to stay in. Yolanda plays Frere Jacques on the piano. Erika says she’s not allowed to buy jewelry because that’s her husband’s department. If she sees something she likes, she sends a picture of it to his secretary to show him when he’s in a good mood. What?

They go outside and the view is phenomenal. David pretends to be a good husband, saying how glad he is Yolanda is out and blah-blah-blah who cares. Yolanda toasts everyone who took time out to come and teach her the true meaning of friendship. She thanks her husband for actions speaking louder than words. Just wait. He says they’re going to make lemonade out of lemons and I throw up.

Tom and David talk, and David sounds a little less optimistic.

Next week, a red carpet is walked, Yolanda makes her speech, the Dubai trip happens, Brandi makes an appearance and Yolanda gossips to her about LisaR (showing the rest of us how she practices what she preaches).
If Loving You Is Wrong

Alex’s mother wants to see the baby and Brad is all for that. Her mother takes a peek, and Brad calls Alex’s father over. Her mother says Rusty is watching the game and doesn’t need to see the baby. Brad keeps insisting because he’s such a d-bag. Alex and her mother take the baby upstairs.

I don’t know what game Rusty is watching, but it doesn’t look like any game I’ve ever seen, since they’re only showing the bleachers.

Alex’s mother asks what’s going on. Brad tells her about Alex having an affair with Randal. He tells her about the “It’s A Boy” sign. Alex’s mother asks her if she had a baby with the “colored man” next door. Brad tells her to answer and her mother tells him to shut up. Ha-ha! Alex finally says yes. Her mother suggests Randal must have raped her, but Alex says no. Her mother asks how it happened then. She doesn’t know? Geez, they are sheltered.

Brad chimes in with blah-blah-blah about what Alex did. Her mother says she needs to get rid of the baby by leaving him at the hospital. She says if her father sees the baby, he’ll die. Wouldn’t that be a plus? Alex tells her that there’s only one person who raped her and he wasn’t an African American. She says her father raped her from the time she was six until she went to college and her mother knew. Her mother says Alex is no better than she is. She tries to get to the baby and slaps Alex, giving her a bloody nose. Brad steps in and she slaps him too. He asks if that made her feel good. She says Alex’s father had bad experiences, including his father being killed by a “colored man.” I guess this excuses him being a rapist. She says they’re getting out of there before her father kills everyone in sight .

Man, I would just clean out the bank account and move as far away as possible. These people are all nuts.

Alex sneaks out the side door with the baby.

Pete is wounded and trying to call for help. The radio doesn’t work so he uses his cell phone to call 911. Claudette has Esperanza take it, but the call gets cut off. Esperanza tells Stephen that Pete’s been shot. Eddie calls Ben, and tells him to get Pete’s phone. Stephen pretends to be calling Pete on the radio. I hate everyone in this show tonight.

Eddie tells Ben to make sure Pete is dead. He tells him look out for cameras, since everyone takes videos of everyone. He says to call back when Pete takes his last breath.

Ben tells Pete help is coming and takes his phone. Pete tells him that Eddie is going to kill him too, and asks why he did this. Ben says an ambulance is coming, but Pete doesn’t believe him. He should conserve his energy and play dead. Ben struggles for a second and calls for an ambulance Good boy!

Lushion comes over to Natalie’s house. He asks if Eddie tazed her in front of the kids. she says yes and he ought to know since he’s out riding dirty with him. She gives him a paper with his old boss’s phone number in Virginia. She tells him the boss would have him back in a heartbeat and that he should go. She says Eddie is no good and Lushion needs to get away from him. Lushion says if she doesn’t want him around, he’ll leave. He already moved out of his old place, but he’ll find another one. He says it almost kills her to tell him “I love you.” He’s pissed at her going behind his back to call his old boss. She says she doesn’t trust him. The old boss said he left four years ago and she wonders what he’s been doing all that time and why he has so much money. Lushion asks if Natalie loves him. She says she does and she couldn’t take something happening to him. He tells her to let him take care of things, but he can’t let her know what’s going on. She says until he can, she doesn’t want to see him.

He tells her Eddie will never bother her again. She says she doesn’t know what’s going on with him and she’s done. Lushion leaves. Natalie is being an idiot. He’s the only decent man on this show.

Ah-ha, Eddie! Everyone is running around the station and Esperanza tells him to go away. Claudia asks how bad Pete is, and Esperanza says they don’t know yet. She tells Claudia they still have a job to do, and take a break to calm down. Claudia kinda likes Pete.

Randal shows up at the hospital and the nurse calls for security. The a-hole janitor tells Randall that Alex has been discharged because it’s really men who can’t keep their mouths shut.

Marcie gets home from work. The stupid sign is still on their lawn. Randal’s mom comes downstairs. Marcie says she found a place, but she won’t need Louise’s money. She’s found a roommate — Brad. She says he has nowhere to go either. Louise says she can’t do that and that Randal is sorry. Marcie says she knows Randal and he’s not sorry. She tells Marcie it’s not a good idea. It’s easy to get over someone when you can slip under someone.

Marcie gets a call. She says something about a store. Randal is trying to charge something on her card and she tells them put it through. He’s charging $3800 in baby clothes. She says again he’s not sorry and she’s done. Louise says she’ll talk to him, but Marcie says there’s no need.

Kelly calls Ramses. She asks if he’s thought of a price for his mom’s house. Kelly thinks she might have a buyer. She asks if he’ll be around later. When she hangs up with him, she calls Natalie. She tells Natalie she found a house for her and explains about Ramses’s mom passing away. Natalie says she can’t afford it, but Kelly says she and Lushion have already been approved. Natalie says she and Lushion aren’t together anymore, but she doesn’t want to talk about it right now. Kelly says she’s coming over. Natalie says she has to go out and will call her when she gets back.

Marcie starts to pack. Brad discovers Alex and the baby gone. Marcie calls to tell him about the apartment. He asks her how she got done with her anger and she says she just got tired. He says he thinks he went too far and tells her about Alex’s parents. He tells her about Alex’s father having raped her and how he found out. He asks why he’d want to defend her. Well, that’s a stupid question. I would hope anyone would defend any woman who was raped at six-years-old. Marcie says he still loves Alex and she still loves Randal. Brad says he wants off the emotional roller coaster and she says that’s why she’s leaving. She tells him about the baby clothes Randal charged. She says she’ll let him know when she gets the key to the new place. I dunno. Unless Randal turns out to have a brain tumor, I don’t really think Randal should be with anyone except a therapist.

Brad looks for Alex. He sees Ramses mowing the lawn and asks if he’s seen her. That’s a no.

Alex’s mother suggests they go home. Her father says he’s too tired to drive back and didn’t they come all this way to see the baby? Her mother says Alex is lying down and brings Rusty another beer. Hopefully laced with arsenic.

Brad goes to Randal’s house, but Louise says Alex isn’t there. He goes in the back to the infamous shed. Not there either. Louise tells him to get off the property. Ha-ha! He kicks the sign down. I had the feeling he was going to do that.

What is this game Alex’s father is watching that only shows the fans in the bleachers? He goes upstairs and Alex’s mother says she’s gone. She says Rusty doesn’t want to leave, but Brad says he’s got to go. She says he wants to see the baby and Brad says he’s never going to be around his children again. By the time his other kids get home, they’d better be gone or he’s going to throw their asses out. Alex’s mother says he invited them and they’re staying. Brad says we’ll see about that.

Randal gets home with all the baby stuff and puts the sign back up. He is so insane. As he’s unloading the bags, he does a little dance. He goes inside and his mom is waiting for him. He asks if she isn’t happy to be a grandmother and she tells him he’d better take all the stuff back to the store. She tells him he’s out of his mind. Thank you. He says he’s never been so happy. She says Marcie is miserable. He says he loves her and he loves Alex too. Yeah, he’s such a catch. Louise says if he goes over to Alex’s, Brad will kill him. He says he’ll go over when Brad’s at work. I say go now while Brad and Alex’s parents are there.

Next week, some new characters are introduced, Esperanza tells Eddie off and Randal is still crazy.

The Haves and The Have Nots

Warlock shows up in Candace’s apartment like he’s a real warlock. He cracks her one and asks what the hell is wrong with her. She says she’s trying to get his money. He says she told Benny not to go into business with him. She says she doesn’t want Benny to get hurt. War says her deadline moved up.

There’s a knock at the door. Candace yells come in and it’s Erica. She introduces them and Erica says they need to hurry. War asks Candace to walk him to the door and he whispers that she has 48 hours.

When Candace comes back in, she can tell something’s wrong with Erica. Erica insists it’s nothing, but she’s shaking. Erica says he didn’t recognize her. She says Jasmine was her sister. She says Jasmine didn’t give him the $700 she owed him and Candace knows what can happen. Is she going to tell the rest of us?

Erica says War isn’t playing and he doesn’t care. Erica says she’d just moved there when he met her and he barely looked at her. She gives Candace the paperwork for the tow yard and house. Candace says she bought it for Benny. Erica says she bought it, she can mortgage it. Candace takes the paperwork. Erica breaths another sigh of relief that War didn’t recognize her and tells Candace to clean up.

Candace tells Erica her son is coming. Erica says this is a bad idea and what if War comes back? Candace says she hasn’t seen him in years. Erica says her own kids are better off without her and Candace’s son has managed fine so far. Candace won’t listen to reason.

David accuses Jim of putting a hit out on Veronica and tells him to call it off. Jim acts clueless and David asks for her address. Jim is like, you don’t know where your wife lives? David says if he doesn’t tell him, he’ll testify against Jim. Jim says a bunch of weird stuff and David tells him to quit playing games. Jim says it’s too late. David tells him to call it off and Jim acts stupid again.

David gets out his cell phone. He says he’s calling his wife and if he finds out Veronica is dead, he’s coming in there and killing Jim. Jim acts all snarky.

Candace talks to Lloyd at the bank. The paperwork looks good. Lloyd goes over a few things and she asks how long it will take to get the money. He says 30 days (shouldn’t Candace and Erica have known that?). She asks if they can do it in two days, but he says no. She says okay, but still wants to go ahead. When she leaves, Lloyd makes a call to the jail. He wants to see Jim.

Kathryn busts into the DA’s office. Jennifer says she can’t speak to Kathryn. Kathryn tells her to call Wyatt and if he doesn’t answer, it means something is wrong. Jennifer calls and there’s no answer. Jennifer asks if Kathryn did something to him, and Kathryn says no, Jennifer did. Kathryn asks her why she doesn’t have children, then runs down a list of possible reasons. She knows that Jennifer has eggs on ice, a specimen in a fertility clinic in Washington. Jennifer asks who she thinks she is. Kathryn says someone who will do anything for someone she loves — her son. She says Jennifer gave Wyatt his inheritance, and Jennifer says she gave a witness funds to protect himself.

Kathryn tells Jennifer keep telling yourself that. She says Wyatt has a substance abuse problem. Jennifer says he passed a drug test and Kathryn throws a box with the cleansing kit Wyatt used at Jennifer. She says that’s how he passed. Kathryn says go ahead and go after her and Jim, but now she gave Wyatt unlimited access to drugs and she should be dead for that. She says the name Kathryn Cryer will haunt Jennifer and any progeny she has forever. Kathryn says she’s not a nice woman and Jennifer says it’s a federal offense to threaten the DA. Kathryn asks Jennifer to let her make it more clear, “Bitch, I will have you murdered in the streets.” Yep. That’s crystal clear. Jennifer tells her to leave the office. Kathryn says if her son dies, no place in the world will be safe for Jennifer, her family, or her fertilized eggs. Then Kathryn tells her to try and have a nice day, since it might be her last.

Jennifer leaves a message for Wyatt to call her back right away. She makes a call for someone to track the phone stat. She doesn’t look too well. Ha-ha!

Hanna goes to Candace’s and Benny answers the door. She pushes him out of the way. The little girl’s grandfather is there, along with the lawyer. He tells Hanna that Benny and Candace want him and his daughter in on the lawsuit. Hanna tries to kick the lawyer out and Candace says it’s her house. The grandfather says maybe it’s best they leave.

Hanna tells Candace she isn’t fooling anybody, and Benny isn’t suing anybody. Benny says Wyatt hit him and asks how long Hanna knew. Hanna says Kathryn paid all his medical bills. Candace goads her by saying she knew all along. Benny says he was left in the street for dead and he should be payed for his pain and suffering. Hanna says he got out of the hospital and got a free house and tow yard. He says Candace paid for it. Hanna tells her to tell Benny where she got the money. Hanna says Candace blackmailed Jim out of $7 million and he already got his settlement. Candace says Jim gave her the money.

Hanna gets on her knees and begs Candace to let her raise Quincy Jr. She says he needs a stable home and she can give him that. He needs church and he needs God and he needs a place to heal and she can give him that. Candace say s she’s let him be raised by strangers in foster care before she’d let that happen and funny how Hanna is on her knees because that’s how the house was paid for. Hanna slaps her, and she slaps Hanna back. They go at it, but Benny steps in between them.

Hanna asks what date is because she’s marking it as the day she gave up. She says she went to God on her knees for Candace, and His word for her was to stop. She says she was up all night long because God had told her to no longer pray for her daughter. She says Candace will now know what it’s like when shes no longer covered in prayer. Candace asks who’s covering Hanna in prayer. Hanna says the blood of Jesus. Candace asks her where she’s living again. Hanna tells her to keep it up.

This show is so freaking intense, I almost don’t breathe through the whole thing. Does Tyler Perry write and direct all of these? Holy! When does he sleep?

David gets a call. It’s someone with Veronica’s address. He runs out of the jail.

Wyatt is unconscious. His hangers-on can’t rouse him, so they all leave. Nice.

Lloyd visits Jim, who says he’s livin’ the dream. Lloyd says he might find it interesting that Candace came into the bank looking for a loan and seems desperate. Jim asks how much she wants. Lloyd says $2 million in two days. Jim says she needs collateral and Lloyd says she has it. but he told her no. Jim says to give her the loan asap, but he wants Lloyd to hide a 15-day balloon payment in the fine print, and if she doesn’t pay, Lloyd is to foreclose on everything.

Social worker Aliyah goes to Candace’s house and hands her an envelope. She says all she could get was 55K. Candace says she should beat her ass again. Aliyah tells her that her son is still at the hospital and asks if she should tell them Candace is coming. Candace tells her to get out. Bye, Felicia! er…Aliyah!

Jeffrey meets Candace outside her place and sees his mother sitting in her car. Veronica’s phone rings and she asks Maggie to meet her at her place in 15 minutes. Then she calls the police and says she just saw someone break into her neighbor’s house, giving them her address. She gets out of the car, gathers up Jeffrey, and goes up to Candace.

Veronica asks to come in. Candace says no. Veronica says it’s about Quincy. They all go inside.

Commercial break. I’m not sure if it’s a new show or a TV movie, but it looks good. Greenleaf, coming in June, from the writer of Six Feet Under, one of my all time favorite shows.

Veronica asks how Candace is doing and she says better than Veronica’s hair. What is up with these hair comments? I think her hair looks fine. Quite stylish in fact. She talks to Candace about her place and asks is this is where Jeffrey lives. He says yes. Veronica says Melissa has been waiting for him to come back to the house. Jeffrey says he’s not coming back. Veronica says yes he is and they have a wedding to plan. Candace says shouldn’t she be worried about a trial? Veronica says no, but they look worried. She asks if Jeffrey is worried about testifying against her. He says no. Veronica splashes whatever is in her water bottle all around and says she has something to show Candace.

Veronica says she wants Melissa and Jeffrey to move in with her before the wedding. Jeffrey is like, yeah, okay, and Veronica says good by and leaves. Candace asks Jeffrey what the liquid is. Poison? He says she’s not that stupid and Candace tells him turn off the lights. All the blood lights up. Jeffrey asks how Veronica knows and Candace says she obviously does.

Jennifer gets a call that Wyatt has checked into the hotel. She tells them to check the room. Security knocks on the door and they find Wyatt unconscious. No, dead. Or at least with no pulse.

Veronica pulls up to her house. The gunman is inside at the ready. She goes up to the door, making us think for a moment that she forgot, but she just unlocks it. A police car drives up and she introduces herself. She says she thought someone was in her neighbor’s backyard. The officer says he checked it out, but no one was there. Maggie drives up and Veronica tells her to go right in and that she’ll be there in a minute. She’s actually licking her lips.

Maggie opens the door. The gunman shoots.

The end. For this season anyway.

Mar15

March 14, 2016 — Helena’s Will & Vanderpump’s Finale

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

It’s time for the reading of Helena’s will. Finally.

Nathan tells Dante he’s keeping mum about Claudette with Maxie.

Talking on her cell phone, Maxie says the real woman issue of Crimson will be even more stellar than the green issue. She literally runs into a half-dressed Griffin in the scrub room and her papers go flying everywhere.

Nicholas says no one is looking forward to the reading of the will and he couldn’t be more wrong. I’m sure I can speak for most fans when I say that we’re all looking forward to it. Lulu, Liz and Laura gather. Helena didn’t get up to the M’s yet. Elizabeth is going to leave, but Scotty stops her because surprise! Helena included her.

Laura asks how Scotty became executor and he says it beats him. I vote for Helena thinking it would be amusing. Nicholas says it’s going to be over-the-top and horrible, just like Helena. Laura says none of them have to stay, but they all want to just get it over with.

Sam tells Alexis that Laura seems to believe in Helena’s curses. She and Alexis discuss Jason’s plaque and Sam am tells her how she cut herself on it.

Andre and Anna are at the MetroCourt. Anna says she doesn’t want to tell Andre what she thinks she found out about Griffin yet. Jordan interrupts their lunch.

Nathan tells Dante that Maxie told him she didn’t care about Claudette and the past is the past. Dante says who is this Maxie who’s letting things go?

Maxie gathers up her papers. Maxie and Griffin introduce themselves and she says she’s looking for Epiphany. She slips on the wet floor and Griffin catches her. Lawsuit! Just kidding. Maxie has hurt her ankle and Griffin says to use him as a crutch. She says it wouldn’t be the first time she used a man for that. BA DUM CHHH! Griffin says she can listen to him now and leave with a limp, or end up on crutches tomorrow. He goes to get dressed.

Nathan says if Maxie changes her mind, he’ll remind her about what she said. Dante is like, that’s highly unlikely to help. Both guys are feeling pretty happy with their relationships.

Jordan says her meeting was canceled. Anna says she and Andre weren’t having lunch, just conferring. Anna says Jordan should know something about Andre and her.

Alexis and Sam get to Windemere. It’s just as I predicted. Video will!

Helena says if they’re watching this, all of Robin’s efforts are for naught and she did not achieve immortality. She adds if you’re going to kidnap a scientist, make sure it’s the right one. She says she can guess the circumstances of her death, but doesn’t really know how it will happen. She says she’ll live on in all of them. OMG – I love Helena so much! I’m so excited!

When Helena starts with the “being of sound mind and body,” Alexis is like, really? Helena, who already knows what kind of remarks that would bring, tells them no pausing for conflict.

Sam is first. To be divided with Kristina and Molly is one cent because that’s all Alexis’s kids are worth. Sam is like, cheap insults? Scotty pauses the video and gives Sam a penny in a jewelry box, telling her not to forget there’s an inheritance tax on that. While that was funny, I actually think under 10K, there isn’t any.

Alexis, formerly known as Natasha (I always forget that), is next. Helena says she’s the result of a lack of judgment on Mikkos’s part, and she wants to be remembered always. Scotty gives Alexis a locked box.

Dante tells Nathan the he and Lulu’s divorce papers brought them back together. He says they’re not moving back in together yet, but they’re moving forward. Nathan says he’s sure they’ll work it out. Dante says as long as they’re open and honest with each other, they have a shot. He says he’s not making a comment about Nathan’s decisions about Maxie though.

Whatever Griffin did with Maxie’s ankle did the trick. She says she’ll put in a good word for him, but he says keep it between them because he didn’t follow procedure. She says she has the same MO and she and her ankle thank him for bucking the system. Maxie tells him about the real woman Crimson issue and he says she won’t find anyone more real than Epiphany. She says they’re considering doing an issue on real men, and he’d be perfect. And her professional opinion is that he’s drop-dead gorgeous. Griffin says he appreciates the offer, but he wouldn’t make a good subject. She asks if he’s worried about a scar he has that looks like it’s from a bullet wound and he suddenly has to get back to work. He says he’s flattered, but the magazine isn’t for him.

Alexis opens the box and it’s a music box, playing a song from Madame Butterfly. There is also a program from the same opera in the box. Alexis says it’s the last song her mother sang before she died. Further inside the box is a dagger. Alexis picks it up and calls Helena a bitch.

Alexis says it’s the dagger that Helena used to slit her mother’s throat. Helena asks what Natasha thinks of her legacy and says that her mother got what she deserved. She says she grew fond of Alexis and that’s why she didn’t dispatch her the same way. Alexis has had enough and she and Sam leave. Sam tells Scotty to keep the penny

Next is Elizabeth. I can’t wait.

Anna tells Jordan that she and Andre are friends, but she’s also his patient. She says he’s helping her deal with Duke’s death and she didn’t want Jordan to get the wrong impression. She leaves and Andre asks if Jordan is okay. She says she’s a little thrown that a good friend is telling intimate things to the man she’s seeing. He says Anna was his patient before they started dating. Jordan asks if they don’t usually confer in his office and he says they were just talking as friends.

Dante tells Nathan they all have their history and baggage and he’s sorry he made a big deal out of it. Nathan says Claudette wasn’t just an ex-girlfriend. She was his wife. D’oh!

Helena knows exactly what everyone is saying and tells Nicholas to stop defending Elizabeth. She apologizes for keeping Jake from Elizabeth for so long. Scotty gives Elizabeth a box and inside is a handmade book called Jake’s Adventure. Nicholas suggests she throw it in the fire, but she says Helena is right, she’s not a fragile flower, and leaves.

Helena suggests the book be shown to Jake. (Hmm…. I wonder if it will trigger something if he sees it.) Nicholas is next. She’s leaving everything to the Cassadine Foundation and he gets nothing because he betrayed and disappointed her. He says he never became the Cassadine she wanted him to be.

Scotty brings out an easel. Helena says Nicholas thinks he’s clever, but she knows how much of a Cassadine he is. She says actions speak louder than words and to take a look. It’s a portrait of Helena drinking tea.

Nicholas says he knew she wouldn’t go quietly and would want to torture him. He says the painting isn’t as innocuous as they might think. He has a little flashback to when Helena keeled over. Did he poison her tea? He puts the painting aside. Helena says her image signifies that the two of them will never be finished.

Helena says Lulu has done the most for her, more than she’ll ever know.

Maxie drops in on Nathan. She wonders why he and Dante look so serious.

Griffin calls Brad and leaves a message to let him know about Tracy’s biopsy. Anna comes out of the elevator and runs into him. He seems to be in everyone’s way today.

Elizabeth looks at the book. It talks about a boy named Jake going into the woods, meeting an old woman and having an adventure, but we don’t see most of it.

Sam and Alexis go back to the bar and get stiff drinks. Alexis says there’s nothing Helena could have given her that’s more morbid and cruel, but it’s the last morbid and cruel thing Helena will do to her.

Helena says she owes Lulu something and she might not appreciate it right away, but there might come a time when her life is empty and it will give her what she needs. Lulu opens an empty envelope. Helena says it might seem puzzling, but she’s smart and will figure it out. There’s writing on the envelope, but I don’t know if it’s important and we don’t really see it. Lulu leaves the envelope on a chair.

Last is Laura, who Helena says had the biggest impact on her life. She says she had a final moment with Luke before he left for parts unknown and she’s going to have a final word for Laura. She and Laura have come to an end. She took from Helena the thing she loved most, her beloved Mikkos, but because she’s the bigger person, she’s giving Laura a key to what she loved and lost.

There’s a key in the box. Helena says remember, it’s the key to what she loved and lost.

Nathan says Dante just gave him huge news. Dante tells Maxie that he and Lulu are getting back together.

Andre has a patient and has to go. He asks Jordan if they can resume their date tomorrow. He says he knows it was awkward, but he couldn’t tell Jordan that Anna was his patient before she did. Jordan says she understands.

Anna says she thinks she knows who Griffin is and why he’s been following her.

Elizabeth gets to the end of the book that says Jake and the old woman had more adventures. The old woman’s last words to him are, “Never forget, Jake, and never tell.” DUN DUN DUUUUN!

Alexis is wondering what to do with the murder weapon. Ebay? She says she’s getting rid of Helena’s trash and tells Sam not to worry about any curses, but be careful of self-fulfilling prophecies. She gives the box to the bartender to throw away, but then changes her mind.

Lulu tells Laura to throw the key away and forget what Helena said. Laura says she hasn’t decided yet, but Lulu has to get to work. Nicholas asks if she’s going to pursue what the envelope was about.

Tomorrow, Valerie tells Dante that her personal life is none of his business, Anna figures out who Griffin is, and Ava freaks out over Kiki.

Vanderpump Rules

Jax is back from Hawaii. Apparently, he’s not in jail. The felony was dropped to a misdemeanor and if he stays out of trouble, it will be dropped from his record. He’s so grateful, he won’t stop complaining and he’s being a complete ass to Brittany.

Stassi has found a new apartment and claims to have her mojo back. We’ll see. She and Kristen chug champagne from the bottle because they are sooo classy.

Jax continues to bitch at Brittany because the apartment is too small. He says being in the jail cell was the most peace he’s had in a while. I’m sure it can be arranged for him to go back if he liked it so much. What a d-bag this guy is.

James tells Tom and Ariana that he and Kristen went out to dinner. He’s still interested in Lala and is just holding out for the best opportunity.

Lala is surprised that Katie invited her to the engagement party. She says she’s going to need a lot of liquid courage. How is this different from any other party? Scheana says she’s more worried about Ariana being there. James has graciously told Lala that Kristen called her a ratchet whore. I can’t believe she’s even interested in that scrawny dweeb, although they deserve each other.

Tom says he’s known Jax a long time. Jax has stolen from him, slept with his girlfriends, talked smack about him, yet he’d miss him if he was gone. Sigh.

Lisa asks Jax how it went and he says the court doesn’t have time for people like him. Lisa says not to minimize it. She says he’s being aggressive and he says he’s just tired. Lisa says the only way to learn from a situation is to be accountable and it’s doubtful Jax will ever learn that. I added that last part.

It’s almost time for what’s sure to be the engagement party from hell. It’s a million degrees out and Katie never thought of umbrellas for the tables, so she borrows some of Lisa’s.

Tom is playing at the after party. Ariana says she needs to have closure with Scheana

Kristen and Stassi have decided to crash the party. Stassi says good thing Kristen doesn’t have self-respect and dignity weighing her down. Why borrow umbrellas? Katie can just use Stassi’s shade. James has been texting Kristen. He claims he still loves her. It sounds like she kinda sorta wants to get back together with him.

Many of Katie’s family members arrive, as well as Schwartz’s mother. Katie’s brother has a man bun and I cringe. I’m allergic to man buns, meaning the hairdo. If Lala really drank what she says she did before getting there, it’s a wonder she isn’t passed out already. Ken and Lisa arrive. Giggy! There is miniature golf and bubble-blowing going on.

Here come the gate crashers. Kristen is all what if, and Stassi tells her to stop talking. James says he sees trouble. And yep, it’s coming.

Katie welcomes the girls, but everyone else is so startled, they stay put. Schwarz says this puts him in an uncomfortable position with Lisa. Lisa says apparently two gates aren’t enough to keep them out and tells everyone to do what they want. Stassi meets Brittany and more drinking happens.

James shows Lisa the PUMP CD. She’s put it on hold, but he still made a demo. Lisa says she’s proud of him for doing better, but if he drinks, he’s going to fail. James says hi to Kristen. Lala says everything about Kristen pisses her off, right down to her shoes. Kristen says James will go places if he can overcome being his own worst enemy. Stassi ignores Jax.

Lisa gives a little speech, giving Katie and Schwartz her blessing. She asks if anyone wants to say anything, and amends that to anyone except Kristen, who gets up to talk anyway. Lala makes faces while she talks. Tom says it’s the longest speech ever and Kristen lacks self-awareness. Lala yells for her to wrap it up and Katie says if anyone is going to be rude, they can leave the way they came.

Afterward the group goes to SUR. More drinking! Selfies! More drinking! Scheana asks to talk to Ariana. She says she feels like they’re not on the same page anymore and asks if Ariana still wants to be friends. Ariana says that depends. Scheana’s been talking smack behind her back and Ariana thinks it has to do with her great desire to be popular and liked by everyone. Scheana starts to cry and apologizes. Ariana says this is the real Scheana and maybe they can salvage the friendship.

More drinking! James is all over Lala, totally grossing me out. Kristen calls Lala a walking STD. Lala says she’s the one person Kristen doesn’t want to mess with and pushes her, telling Kristen to sit down. Frankly, this is another show where it’s debatable who I like least. Seriously, is it because they’re millennials or from L.A. or what? When I was in my 20s, no one I knew behaved like this.

James breaks it up and says enough. Stassi tells Lala she should own it and say she screwed up. She should know better than to argue with a drunk. It’s time for Tom’s band to play and there’s Lala sitting on James’s lap. Good luck getting back together with Kristen now. The band does their video song and Lisa wonders if it’s a comedy act.

More drinking? Giggy! Ken and Lisa have joined the group. James brags about how much weed he ate and smoked beforehand. Kristina says he’s wasted and he curses her out. Jax says you can’t talk to women like that and James is clearly not sober. James tries to get Jax to fight with him because Jax is on probation. Both Schwartz and Peter try to get James to shut up. James continues to goad Jax who wants to punch him in the face, and Lisa comes over and tells them to knock it off. Really. Grow the blip up.

Lisa tells James to take a seat. Jax says he solves things with his fists which isn’t good for someone on probation. Yep. James leaves, telling Kristen he’ll text her tomorrow. James meets Lala outside and goes to her house. He so creeps me out.

Jax and Lisa talk about Stassi. Jax goes over to Stassi and asks how she’s doing. They make awkward small talk. They talk about their relationship and we get a bunch of flashbacks. Jax says he’ll always be there for her. Stassi says there’s something to be said for history with people and they started this group of friends together. She talks about him cheating on her and he says he thinks things didn’t work out with her boyfriend and she came back with her tail between her legs to the friends that she dumped. I’m torn between being astounded at how astute Jax can be on occasion and being startled that this conversation went downhill so fast.

Jax says he’s not saying this to hurt her. They talk about Brittany and Stassi says that she likes Brittany, and hopes he doesn’t screw it up, adding that he’s been treating Brittany unfairly. Knowing that Stassi is right, Jax tells Brittany he loves her and says let’s go home.

Katie tells Stassi that she’s not saying they can’t be friends again, but she doesn’t think they can be the same friends they once were. Katie and Schwartz thank Lisa and go home.

Lisa says some have made important steps and gone through dark says and some will never learn, adding the more things change, the more they stay the same.

This was the finale, so next week, The Reunion.

One last Giggy! Lisa and Giggy are on Watch What Happens Live, along with a new Pom from the pound, Harrison.

Sadly, tonight is also the finale of the Vanderpump After Show…sniff….

Mar12

March 11, 2016 — GH, No GH, Couch Quotes & Vinyl

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital — Thursday

Sonny tells Michael that Sabrrrina is where she wants to be — with Carrrlos.

Nicholas and Laura are preparing for the reading of Helena’s will. Nicholas says they will finally be able to close the chapter on her. Nicholas says it would mean a lot to him if Laura would accept Hayden.

Sam shows up for the reading and Hayden tells her to cut the act. She knows about Sam’s investigation.

Jason is at the crypt and he has a flashback of telling Lila that he’s changing his last name to Morgan.

Monica tells Dillon that if Tracy doesn’t want Griffin involved, they need to honor that. Dillon asks what if for once Dr Mays is wrong and Griffin is right?

Griffin tells Anna he’s been following her. She’s glad she’s not crazy, but wants to know why. Griffin says he’s not a stalker and can explain. He asks to come inside and Anna is like, are you kidding? He asks if she’ll go to a public place with him to talk, but then his phone rings and he has to go. He apologizes and hopes when she knows the truth, she’ll understand.

Anna calls Andre. She wants to meet and pick his brain.

Tracy says Dr. Mays is one pompous man and coming from her, that’s a lot. She asks Monica if she’d go with Dr. Mays’s suggestions. Monica gets a call from Alice and says she has to run, but won’t say why. She says she’ll be back before Tracy is done with the procedure. She tells Tracy that yes, she would listen to Dr. Mays and that his credentials are impeccable.

Dillon tells Tracy he’s really there to secure his inheritance and she tells him she gave it all to “save the owls.” He says he overrode her decision to contact Griffin, who’s on his way.

Nicholas says that when he and Hayden first hooked up, it was toxic, but now they’ve moved on to something more normal. If that’s possible in Port Charles. Nicholas shows her the book and Laura remarks it’s been devalued by the inscription. Nicholas says it’s priceless because of the inscription.

Hayden says things are going well for her and Nicholas, and Sam has been told to drop the case. Sam says that’s all really nice, but she still wants to talk to Nicholas herself.

Michael tells Sonny that Carrrlos is dead, but Sonny says nope, he’s not.

Anna meets with Andre at you-know-where. She asks him if he knows why Griffin would be following her.

Tracy tells Dillon she’s made it clear she doesn’t want Griffin involved. Dillon says Dr. Mays might be a great surgeon, but he’s not open to possibilities and it’s worth another conversation.

Griffin tells Dr.Mays that Dillon asked him to take a look at Tracy’s case. Dr. Mays says it’s Tracy’s call and he’s her doctor. He asks who Griffin thinks he is, and Griffin says first and foremost he’s a doctor. He says if Dr. Mays cared about his the patient, he wouldn’t be shutting Griffin down.

Monica shows up at the crypt. Alice had seen Jason hanging around. He has his tomb name plaque in his hand. Monica says she’s been meaning to take it down, but she was so happy he was alive, she didn’t want to think about when they thought he was dead.

Laura tells Hayden to let Sam talk to Nicholas alone. Sam asks why he wants her to drop the investigation. She says he’s being selfish, and he should think about Spencer. She says she thinks something is going on and as his investigator, she advises him to move forward, but needs his approval. He says no way.

Laura tells Hayden she never liked The Great Gatsby very much and that Daisy abandoned Gatsby to leave him die alone. (Confession time. I have never read this book nor seen any movie version.) Laura says that a daisy is a glorified weed and if Hayden thinks she’s going to play Daisy to Nicholas, she’s setting herself up for a fall.

Hayden tells Laura she’s way too literal and she was only referring to their love for one another. Laura tells her not to underestimate Nicholas and that all Cassadine men have a tremendous capacity for revenge.

Nicholas says he wants Sam to stop the investigation. Sam thinks his original instincts were right. He says he no longer wants anything to do with it and he’s serious. Nicholas asks Hayden to go for a walk. Laura apologizes to Sam for her part in the Jason identity cover-up.

Laura asks how Sam feels about being included in Helena’s will. Sam says she’s tried not to fret about it because that’s what Helena would want. She talks about Helena cursing Sam on her death bed, but says curses are worth nothing unless you believe in them. Laura says she used to think that before Helena came along.

Jason tells Monica he remembers telling Lila about changing his name. Monica says Lila was the only person not upset about that. She says it took a long time to realize that no matter what name he had, he was still the same person — kind, loyal, fiercely protective and honest. Jason says he doesn’t know if that’s true, since he worked for Sonny. Monica says, even then.

Sonny tells Michael that Carrrlos probably figured no one would be after them because they think he’s dead. He asks Michael to tell him everything Sabrrrina ever told him.

Anna tells Andre that she didn’t feel threatened by Griffin, but he didn’t get a chance to explain. She thought maybe Andre could shed some light.

Griffin tells Dr. Mays that he’s seen something like this before when he was in Mexico, something that presented itself as a brain tumor, but wasn’t. Tracy is being wheeled into the OR and tells Dillon not to worry, but she seems pretty worried herself. Dillon tells Dr. Mays that he thought it was a good idea to listen to what Griffin has to say. Dr. Mays tells him he has two doctors in front of him and to pick one. Usually my answer to something like this is, I’m paying you, not the other way around.

Michael says he told Sabrrrina that he could have loved the baby if she’d been truthful from the start, and she never even said good-by. He tells Sonny about the postcard that said she’s happy.

Andre has no idea what’s up with Griffin. Anna says it was a long shot anyway. Andre wonders what his and Anna’s relationship is. The conversation is a little vague and I’m thinking they’re attracted to one another. Anna says there was something familiar about Griffin, like they met a long time ago.

Dr. Mays calls Dillon “son,” and Dillon tells Dr. Mays to address him as Mr Quartermaine. He tells Dr. Mays to go do his job (thank you) and operate on Tracy, and he’s going to talk to Griffin. He says if that’s okay with the doctor, fine, but if not, too bad because he doesn’t take orders from him. Dr. Mays skedaddles off like a sad puppy and Griffin says that was amazing to watch. Dillon says Griffin can repay him by telling him what he thinks is up with Tracy.

Monica says Jason took his integrity and superimposed it over Sonny’s beliefs. She says their family sin’t what it used to be and that’s why the lawsuit is important. It’s not about the money, but about keeping ELQ in the family. She has to get back to the hospital and Jason asks if he can keep the plaque. Monica says sure, and to use it to be life affirming. As she’s leaving, Jason says “the heart has a long memory.” He remembers Lila told him that.

Laura tells Sam about the curse Helena (when she was Elizabeth Taylor) put on her and Luke on their wedding day. Sam asks if she should be worried and Laura says no. Why mention it then? Sam gets a text from Jason, asking her to meet him at the MetroCourt. She calls Spinelli and tells him she needs him to investigate a phone number.

Sonny tells Michael not to do anything to involve himself with Carrrlos and to let him handle it. He adds not to tell anyone else what he knows. Michael wonders why Sabrrrina would subject the baby to all of this. Sonny says Carrrlos is the baby’s father and maybe that meant more to Sabrrrina than Michael knew.

Andre says maybe Anna is looking for a connection because it’s less disconcerting than being followed for no reason. Anna says no, that’s not it

Griffin tells Dillon it’s still just a theory. He says Dr. Mays sees what he expects to see, whereas Griffin looks for alternatives. He says he saw similar cases in Mexico. Dillon says Tracy was just there and Griffin says that’s what brought it to mind. He says he needs to look at the biopsy and thinks Dr. Mays might be a roadblock. Brad comes out to tell them Tracy is out of surgery (that was fast!) and Dillon goes to see her. Brad is kind of staring at Griffin. Griffin asks, “Can I help you,” and Brad says he thinks he can help Griffin.

Jason and Sam meet. He wonders what it will take to get ELQ back for the Quartermaines.

Michael says Sonny got the information from Anna who isn’t exactly an ally. Sonny says they have an understanding and makes Michael promise he’ll stay out of it. Michael says he will, but he expects to be kept in the loop. Sonny tells him if Sabrrrina contacts him, he’s to tell Sonny right away. Sonny says he understands the hurt and Michael deserves better.

As soon as Sonny leaves, Michael calls Sabrrrina and leaves her a message to call him back.

Andre asks if Anna thinks Griffin is a threat in any way. She says she’s been taking care of herself for a while now, but he says maybe it’s time someone helped her. He has to take a call and when he steps away, Anna looks up Griffin online.

Brad introduces himself to Griffin and says he’s Lucas’s fiance. Brad tells him he’s in charge of the lab and sometimes he gets a little disorganized and test results go to the wrong doctor. Griffin asks why he’s willing to stick his neck out. Brad says Dr. Mays is a d-bag and he likes helping people.

Brad leaves and Dr. Mays tells Griffin if he interferes with the case again, he’ll have Griffin’s head on a stick and he’ll be lucky to practice medicine anywhere. Yeah, yeah.

Tracy calls Dillon “Alan,” and Monica says it’s the anesthesia. D illon says that’s the second time she’s called him Alan.

Sam asks why Jason is hauling the plaque around. He has no real answer. Jason gets a call from Diane and he has to go sign papers for his new place. He invites Sam along, but she has to go to the will reading. She’s hoping for a poison ring.

Jason leaves without the plaque and Sam cuts herself on it. Is Helena’s curse about to be fulfilled?

Tomorrow, Scotty says we’re in for some big surprises.

General Hospital — Friday

Are you hearing me sobbing all the way through the Internet? Don’t get me wrong, I liked Nancy Reagan, and loved her and Ronald as a couple, but I’m not crying over the funeral. I’m crying over GH being preempted because of the funeral. Now we have to wait until Monday for the reading of Helena’s will.

The People’s Couch Quotes of the Week

Is O’Neal a popular Irish name?
I don’t know, but O is. Rachel and Joe, respectively, referring to The O’Neals.

I got it from Vampire Diaries. Princella, referring to her use of the word doppelganger.

It makes me wanna drink more. Brandy, referring to Bar Rescue.

Show Recommend

Although I’m catching it when I can, I’m definitely into HBO’s Vinyl. Set in 1970’s New York City, it’s about the music business and kind of like Empire for white people. Bobby Cannavale, reminding me of a young Robert Klein, stars as Richie Finestra, president of a dying record label. The casting is quite good, and includes a nearly unrecognizable Ray Romano. It’s sex, drugs and rock and roll all the way and a wonderful trip down Musical Memory Lane if you grew up during this time period. Both Mick Jagger and Martin Scorsese are executive producers, and everything about it is spot on.

And for now, it has filled that gaping hole in my heart left by Mad Men.

Mar10

March 9, 2016 — GH & Twice the Little Women

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Carly and Sonny explain things to Michael about how Morgan has to be committed, but they don’t use that word. They’re at the MetroCourt (of course) and Jason comes by. He tells Carly he’s leaving.

Anna and Paul meet at the bar. She asks if he has an update on Carrrlos. He says she’ll be the first to know when he does.

Dr. Mays says Tracy is late for the biopsy prep. Monica says she’ll try to reach her. Meanwhile, Tracy is in the crypt, communing with her family. Don’t start me crying, Tracy. She talks to them and it’s actually a bit funny. She tells them she’s not ready to join them.

Paul says he hasn’t heard from Carrrlos yet, even though we know he did. Anna gripes about the immunity agreement he wants to give Carrrlos. Paul says he cares about Anna and she says call her when he hears from Carrrlos.

Griffin runs into Felix at the bar. Felix tells him how much the nurses appreciate him because he actually knows their names and makes eye contact. He bitches about Dr. Mays and Griffin agrees. Felix says he’s got a reputation for annoying the new people and if Griffin needs anything, he should go to Monica.

Tracy says all she has as a formidable opponent now is Monica and it’s not the same. Stop it, Tracy, I’m tearing up. She keeps leaving Lila out of all her complaints very pointedly, making her monologue a little less sad. She says she wishes Lila were there to hold her hand and she’s scared. She says she can feel the lesions growing in her brain and ticking her life away. She hears the door open and asks if its Alan, but it’s Dillon. Yeah, as much as I loved Alan, that ghost storyline never worked for me.

Jason says he’s leaving for his own place, not leaving Port Charles. He tells Sonny that Sam caught him up on Morgan. Michael says they’re all a real fun bunch and leaves for wherever. Carly asks Jason about his new place, but Sonny says he has to leave. Jason says he must have surprised the hell out of Dixon by getting out of the wheelchair. Sonny says he wishes Jason had been there.

Jason tells Carly that Sam said the same thing about wishing he was at the church. He says he would never let any of his loved ones be in danger, but he’s not going to work for Sonny again. Carly says good, because she doesn’t want him to.

Anna gets a fax of Carrrlos and Sabrrrina’s picture. The doorbell rings. It’s Sonny.

Griffin tells Monica he’s been doing some research and has a theory about what’s going on with Tracy. Monica says he must not agree with Dr. Mays, but Griffin says the doctor has made it clear he’s not letting Griffin in on anything and he needs the biopsy results to be sure. Monica says she has the final say, but Tracy hasn’t shown up for the tests.

Dillon asks what Tracy is doing there and she says it’s peaceful. He asks what name she called him and she blows off the question. He tries to get her to come back to the house and have Alice make tea. She gets confused as to who Alice is and has another seizure.

Carly says she doesn’t want Jason working for Sonny and Jason says since when. She says if that was his decision she’s honor it, but she’s sick of the violence being acceptable. He asks what that means for her and Sonny.

Anna asks Sonny how Morgan is. Sonny says he’s getting the help he needs. He wants to thank her for going to his house to warn him about the pier. She says she appreciates everything he did to bring Dixon down. He asks why she thought he would listen to her. Anna says they’ve had their differences, but they also have mutual respect and Robin would have wanted her to be honest. He asks for a glass of water and snoops around, seeing the Carrrlos picture. When Anna comes back, he asks her if Carrrlos is alive.

Carrrlos calls Paul again. Paul asks where Carrrlos is, and Carrrlos says wouldn’t Paul like to know. Paul tells Carrrlos that he’s no longer safe and the only way out is to come home.

Tracy is wheeled into the hospital. Dillon explains what happened and says he already called Dr. Mays when they were on the road. Griffin tells Dillon he did the right thing. Dillon tells him about the anti-depressant story Tracy told him. Griffin tells him the biopsy was scheduled, but Tracy didn’t show. Dr. Mays enters. He says he knows the word cancer is frightening and Dillon freaks a little.

Dillon asks Dr. Mays if he thinks Tracy has brain cancer. Griffin asks to speak with the doctor in private and Dr. Mays tells Dillon they’ll talk later. Griffin says without a biopsy, the doctor can’t assume Tracy has cancer. Dr. Mays says the MRI points to tha, and rattles off his million credentials. Griffin says maybe the doctor’s years of experience have clouded his reading skills, because it appears Tracy doesn’t have cancer at all.

Monica tells Tracy she’s not leaving until they get some answers, Tracy asks if she’s going to die. Monica says not today.

Anna comes clean with Sonny about Carrrlos. He asks about the corpse and she says she’s not at liberty to discuss that. He asks about Sabrrrina and if she was kidnaped. Anna says she believes she’s there of her own free will.

Carly says she feels like the world’s biggest hypocrite. Jason says things change and Sonny should accept that. Carly says Sonny did listen to her an agree to consider alternatives.

Sonny says he’s going to hunt down Carrrlos and kill him. No! Not my Carrrlos! And hey, that’s no alternative to violence.

Jason says Sonny should realize that not every argument needs to be settled with a gun. Carly says there are worse people than Sonny who would like to take what he has. Jason asks how she ended up having a son with his brother. She says she went looking for Jason, found AJ and accidentally slept with him. How’d that happen? She talks about how the Quartermaines tried to take Michael away, but Jason helped her to keep him. He asks if his family was that bad and she reminisces about Lila and how wonderful she was and how Jason’s last name came from her. She says there’s still a plaque in the crypt with his name on it.

Griffin says there are other possibilities. Dr. Mays gets stupid about Griffin looking at the MRI and goes on about his experience. Dillon tries to ask a question and Dr. Mays tells him to get out and don’t come back.

Felix tells Michael about a note from Sabrrrina where she said she’s happy and not coming back. Michael says if anyone can raise a baby alone, Sabrrrina can. Felix tells Michael that Sabrrrina really loved him. I dunno about that though.

Carrrlos says he sees no reason to come back. Paul says life on the run with a baby can’t be good. Carrrlos asks why, after spending all the money and time, Paul wants him back. Paul says for now, Carrrlos just needs to play his part.

Sonny says Anna wanted him to see the picture. She says he has resources and any help he can give would be appreciated. She says Julian is the one they need and if it all goes according to plan, they can nail Julian. Sonny says Duke deserves justice. Anna says the only way they can do that is to get Julian. She doesn’t care if he’s squeaky clean now. He’s still the one responsible. Anna asks Sonny to keep her informed and shell do the same for him. Sonny says, done.

Carly and Jason go to the crypt. He says you don’t see your own name on a grave every day. Carly tells him about the family, and how Edward had big plans for him and how much Lila loved him. She says Emily was kind and generous, but nobody’s fool, and she always tried to run interference to make everyone get along. She tells him Alan had difficulty accepting he wasn’t the son he once knew, but in the end made peace with it. She pretty much blows past AJ, not wanting to dredge that up.

Carly tells Jason just because he’s not going to work for Sonny doesn’t mean he has to go back to the Quartermaines.

Carrrlos says Paul is asking to get him killed. He asks what about Anna? Paul says he’ll get immunity if he testifies against Julian, but he’s never to mention any crimes committed by Paul or Anna. Carrrlos says it’s not his job to make Paul’s life easy. Paul says Carrrlos’s job is his family. Carrrlos says he’s never coming back and to wire his payment to the offshore account. He wants no new deal with Paul.

Sonny sits with Michael and Michael says Felix showed him a picture of s baby. He says if he’d been more understanding she’d be there with him, instead of in Puerto Rico raising a baby by herself. Sonny says it’s not right and he has something to tell Michael.
Jason is trying to pry the plaque with his name off the crypt. He finally has success and says it’s official, he’s alive. Carly says she’s got to go, but she’s a little creeped out, so she’s not going out by herself. Jason says he’ll walk her to the car. He says the crypt is a good place to back and think.

In the hospital, Dillon asks if he should call Ned and Tracy says she doesn’t need more family members around telling her life is beautiful. She asks for a couple of minutes alone before Dr. Mays starts digging in her brain. Dillon tells her he loves her. Tracy says Monica told her it’s a minor procedure, but she loves him too.

Dillon tells Monica that Griffin said it might not be cancer and he’d like to talk to him.

Griffin is at Anna’s. He tells her he’s been following her.

Tomorrow, Dillon talks to Griffin, the chapter is closed on Helena, and Sam approaches Hayden.

Little Women: Atlanta

Morlen (again, these names, he sounds like a wizard) is taking Monie out to cheer her up. Because life is so stressful when you basically do nothing. They make their own bouquet at a flower shop and she tells him about he music video debacle. She says she thought she was doing a good thing, but it didn’t work out that way. Morlen suggests she step things up around the house and maybe cook dinner once in a while.

Since Emily is pregnant, she’s been working more behind the club scenes, and getting bookings for Bri. She’s gotten a call from a club who wants Bri and the Tiny Twins. Bri flashes back to the disaster that their last booking together was. They need the bucks, so Emily suggests they invite everyone and make a vacation out of it.

They twins visit Monie to help her with her cooking skills. They discuss the video while making a meal. Emily calls about the gig while the twins are there. She tells them her idea of the girls all staying at a beach house. Monie says she needs a vacation. From what?

Everyone packs for the trip. Minnie drives with the Cheeks and Monie drives with the twins. Emily pats herself on the back for getting the twins a job.

The gig is in Savannah which looks beautiful. Their rental is by the water and close to town. It’s pretty freakin’ nice too. Trying to get all the suitcases up the stairs is quite a project though. Minnie says the struggle is real when you have to carry around suitcases as big as you. Truth!

Monie wants to clear the air about the video. She apologizes for the rudeness of the director. Emily says they were just being used. Monie says little people are often taken advantage of and she’s over it. Minnie says it was unprofessional and a waste of time. Monie says Minnie went a bit overboard, which makes Minnie go a bit overboard.

Minnie says she was defending all of them and the director deserved her wrath. Emily brings up Monie defending Minnie at the party and also being extreme. Minnie says she thought they were over the Juicy situation. (Ha-ha-ha! Can you believe I just typed that?) She and Monie exchange words and somehow Monie brings up Troy.

Emily is like, no matter what they do together, there’s always an altercation. Minnie says Monie claimed to accept her apology, but she keeps bringing it up again. They agree to try and have a nice vacation.

The Cheeks are having breakfast with Minnie, who says Monie is dwelling on the past. She thinks Monie is taking out the video fail on her. In her individual interview. Monie says it’s hard to get past the lies. Please, she lied about having a boyfriend. Big deal. The twins think it’s ridiculous and feel stuck in the middle.

The Cheeks go shopping with Minnie and bring up how awkward it is at the house. Minnie’s feelings are hurt because the twins seem to be hanging out with Monie now.

The girls meet and ride to the club in some kind of pedal bus. It’s very cool and has a bar. I love the pedicabs in NYC, but they don’t serve drinks.

The girls have a private room to get ready at the club. Minnie decides to talk to Amanda. Amanda says nothing has changed, but Minnie says she feels things are different. She has difficulty explaining herself and starts to cry. She says she feels awkward around them and that’s why she’s been distancing herself. Amanda thinks Minnie should talk to Monie. Minnie says she will.

Emily says bringing in the twins is a risk to her reputation. If they act the fool, no one will want to book the Cheeks again. It looks like a half lodge, half tiki bar. The twins start dancing on stage with Bri, and all the girls work the club. Some women starts dancing with them and acting stupid. Emily says they’re used to anything and everything and people act crazy, but it’s part of the job. Monie says this is more a waste of time than the video and leaves. The rest pat themselves on the back for getting along.

In the morning, Emily tells Bri that Monie is packed and ready to go, and the rest aren’t even up yet. She says everyone else had a good time, and Monie wasn’t even supportive the night before. Emily says she’s tired of Monie’s drama.

Everyone is ready to go. The twins are pissed about Monie flaking the night before. They question her about it and she says she was tired. She says she has to drive and she needed her rest. She says she’s not mad at the twins, but Minnie is another story. The twins repeat what Minnie said and say they should talk. Monie says she tried, but she’s not going to kiss anyone’s ass. The twins say they’re getting along with the Cheeks, so why not Monie and Minnie? Minnie wants to deal with it now and asks Monie to step outside. She tells Monie she can feel the tension and wants to know what’s wrong, because it seems like Monie has changed. They start talking about the twins, but Monie talks over Minnie. Monie brings up how she defended Minnie to Juicy. Minnie says she appreciated it, but Monie took it to another level.

Monie says Minnie hasn’t been keeping it real and Minnie says Monie has been a stuck up bitch. Monie disagrees and says if that’s how Minnie feels, deal with it. She doesn’t think she can trust Minnie again. Minnie says she apologized and told the truth, so what’s the problem now? They talk a bunch of nonsense. Minnie says talking to Monie is like talking to a tree and Monie says ain’t nobody got time for that. She stomps off.

Magically, Minnie is back in her room. The Cheeks ask what’s going on and Minnie tells them about the Monie conversation and how she keeps bringing up the past. She says it’s hurtful because Monie was her girl and they can’t get things back on track. She says if she can’t be Mama Bear, she doesn’t know her place in the group. The Cheeks say that what stinks is Monie is spreading the negativity to everyone.

Monie and the twins leave, with Monie grumbling behind the wheel.

Next week, Morlen talks babies, Emily finds out if it’s a boy or a girl, and Minnie gets a DNA test done to see who her father is.

Little Women: LA

Elena is getting a sonogram. The doctor gives her and Preston the news that they’re having twins. The doctor says it will be high risk and she’ll be going to a specialist after the first trimester. He says she’ll most likely have a C-section, she only has to carry until the babies can be born healthy. They’re fraternal twins, so not only could they be a boy and a girl, they could be one little person and one average sized baby.

Christy doesn’t want to be rejected by an adoption agency because of Todd’s weight. Since she can’t force him to get gastric bypass surgery, she’s trying to set an exercise example. The new house looks pretty good and Christy wants to have a house-warming party.

Tonya is having vision problems and she’s having a doctor check her out. Her daughter comes along to the appointment, and Tonya brings up getting back together with her father. Angelique is skeptical that things will work out. The doctor says ten years ago, Tonya’s right eye was turning inward and wants to check that. He sees it’s still happening and wants her to get surgery. The next step is seeing a specialist. He wants to make sure she’ll follow through, as he’d suggested it before, and he makes her pinky swear. I’m not kidding. He really did.

Jasmine and Briana are getting pedicures. Briana tells Jasmine that she and Matt want to have a “real” wedding. Jasmine asks if she’s going to invite all of he girls and Briana says no. Terra and Tonya have never been supportive, and she wasn’t invited to Terra’s wedding. She’s unsure about Christy. Jasmine suggests a bachelorette party in Mexico. She has an ulterior motive of reconnecting the ladies. She tells Briana she might see that relationships have changed under the Mexican sun after a few Margaritas.

Elena and Christy are meeting their mutual friend, Ali, for lunch. They knew each other back in the day when working in a club. Ali recently had surgery, is feeling great, and she’s working in one of my favorite places, the Venice Beach Freak Show. A&E did a reality show about them and I loved it. But then, like when you find a style of shoe that fits perfectly, they stopped making it.

Christy invites Ali and her husband Matt to the house-warming. Elena tells her not to be intimidated by the group, and Christy says watch out for Tonya.

Terra says she and Tonya have known each other forever, and have never fought like they did at Jasmine’s party. Terra is proceeding with caution, but wants to move forward. She hopes that they never have a repeat performance. They meet for a drink and Tonya tells her about the upcoming eye surgery. Terra says she’ll be there, the inference being even though Tonya wasn’t there for Penny’s surgery. Tonya says Terra likes to throw shade, but she learned from the best. They talk about the upcoming party.

Elena and Preston have invited Preston’s dad over to share the good news. Preston does a little presentation with a remote-controlled truck to annouce the pending birth. Elena tells him he’s getting two grandkids for the price of one. Elena is both excited and nervous about possible complications.

Matt and Briana are having a date night. She tells him about Jasmine throwing her a bachelorette party in Mexico. He says it’s the first time he’s seen anyone in the group go out of their way for her. Briana tells him Jasmine’s idea of her trying to reconnect. Matt says every time all the girls get together, there seem to be problems. Briana thinks with Jasmine in charge, they’ll have a great time.

Christy visits Jasmine. Jasmine wants to get Christy involved with the bachelorette party. Christy invites her to the house-warming. Jasmine tells Christy about the Mexico trip. Christy feels hurt because she’d hoped to do those things for Briana. Jasmine says she’s never sure where Christy stands with Briana. She says she gets how they’re both hurt, but they need to forget the past and move forward. Jasmine tells her if they keep pushing at Briana, she’ll cut them off, and Briana needs a friend right now.

Terra wants another baby and she and Joe have been looking at larger homes. They’re meeting with their real estate agent to see if they’re approved for a loan. The agent says there are some red flags on the application. Terra’s credit isn’t great and it’s keeping them from getting the loan. She says the worst case scenario is they’ll have to wait another year. Terra is concerned that Joe will use putting off a new home as an excuse for putting off having more kids.

It’s house-warming time! And time for cocktails! Christy has created a beautiful atmosphere. Everyone is out in the backyard where there are lots of candles. Terra talks to Jasmine, who tells her about the Mexico trip. She says if they want to rebuild a friendship, it’s a good start and Briana is good with everyone being invited. Terra has doubts, but Jasmine asks her to give it a try.

Elena doesn’t think tonight is a good night to give her news about the twins because it’s Christy and Todd’s party. Christy tells Terra that Ali and her husband are coming, and Terra isn’t exactly receptive. She says in the little people community, instead of six dgrees of separation, it’s more like two. She thinks it’s risky inviting a new person without letting everyone know.

Briana and Matt show up. Jasmine tells them she’s going to announce the bachelorette party tonight. Tonya comes and Terra pours wine down her throat to help ease Ali joining the party, since she hates surprises and new people. Tonya doesn’t seem to remember Ali from anywhere though. Ali introduces her husband, who comes off like a drunken jerk right away.

Jasmine invites everyone to Mexico. In her individual interview, Elena says she has no desire to be throwing up from morning sickness alongside the others throwing up from too much tequila. Terra, in shit-stirrer mode, asks Briana if it was her idea to invite everyone. Briana says Jasmine made a good argument for it and whoever wants to come, should come. Pushing further, Terra asks if Briana’s family will be there.

Briana says right now it’s not on the table, but it doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. Terra and Tonya jet to the kitchen for dessert. They act like it’s an outrage that Ali was invited without their prior knowledge. Terra asks if Jasmine hadn’t put the bachelorette party together, if Tonya thinks Briana would have invited them. Tonya says no, and she doesn’t want to be supportive, but she doesn’t want to discuss it here. Terra wonders if Jasmine is twisting Briana’s arm.

Ali and Briana get to know each other. Briana is glad to meet someone new who isn’t all up in her business.

Christy comes in the kitchen, and Terra and Tonya say they would find it weird to go to the bachelorette party. Christy says she’s all for forgive and forget. Terra says they don’t feel supportive, and does Christy really want to go? Christy says if she wants to salvage her relationship with Briana, she’d better go, and they’re going to go with her. Christy says what if no one goes, and Terra says that’s not too far-fetched.

Still to come, Tonya questions Briana’s happiness, the Mexico trip and the wedding go forward.