Tag Archives: television

April 10, 2017 – Jake Adds to the Timeline, Landon Follows Through, the SUR Reunion Continues & Some Random TV Thoughts

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Alexis comes home asking if anybody’s there, and then wonders why she said that, since she’s the only one living there. There’s a knock at the door. It’s the PCPD, particularly Nathan. Alexis invites him in. She asks if it’s about Julian.

Sam is trying to find out who used Julian’s credit card. The doorbell rings, waking Scout. It’s Elizabeth. Because in Port Charles, no one ever calls first. She wants to talk to Jason about Jake.

Franco asks Jake why he’s not at home. He tells Franco that nobody knows he’s gone; the babysitter was busy texting, and the other kids were asleep. Franco says that Jake’s mother is going to flip out. Jake wants to know why Franco doesn’t want to be his friend anymore.

Kristina runs into Michael at Perks. She can’t believe it’s been a year since she lived in PC. Neither can I – it’s like she never left. She asks what’s up, and he says while she was studying, their family imploded – again.

Sonny says Nelle made him think that Jax slept with Carly, then he was drinking and blacked out. Nelle tells him that she drugged him.

Jax asks Carly what they’re doing, and she says trying to feel better. He said they made this mistake last time, but she says it’s not a mistake and she doesn’t want to stop. She leads him to the bedroom.

Alexis asks Nathan if Julian washed up on shore. He says it’s nothing definitive, but someone used Julian’s credit card to buy a bus ticket to LA. Alexis says she doesn’t know anything about his credit cards, since they always kept those things separate. Nathan asks if she has any reason to believe he’s alive.

Elizabeth tells Jason that Jake is fine. She just wanted to tell him about a follow-up session that she scheduled. She says she’s been thinking about how Andre said they need to be on the same page for Jake to open up. Sam asks if there’s anything she can do to help, since Jake is her stepson. Elizabeth says her involvement might be confusing to Jake. He adores Franco, but Franco isn’t allowed to be part of the equation. Why is Sam?

Franco tells Jake that he’ll always be his friend. Jake asks why he stopped coming by, and if he’s mad at Elizabeth. Franco says he doesn’t want Jake to get in trouble for sneaking out, and has to take him home before Elizabeth finds out and has a meltdown. Jake says the studio is cool and he never wants to leave.

Michael tells Kristina that someone came between Carly and Sonny. Kristina thinks it’s Jax, but Michael says no. He tells her that Carly isn’t the one who cheated. He explains how Sonny got drunk on Thanksgiving and slept with Nelle. Kristina is shocked. Michael says there were extenuating circumstances, but Kristina is having a hard time believing it. Michael says it was terrible, but Nelle was hurting too. Kristina asks why he’s defending her.

Sonny is stunned. Nelle says he assumed the worst, and she didn’t disagree. When she made his drink, she slipped a sleeping pill in. He passed out cold upstairs, and she got in the bed with him. She says she pretended to be upset afterward. He says he underestimated her. He thought she was only making something bad even worse by taking advantage of him, but she went beyond that, making him feel guilty for what he didn’t do. She tore everything apart over a lie. He says there’s something wrong with her. Well, yeah, I thought all that was explained already.

Jax and Carly kiss their way into the bedroom. There’s a song part and they get busy. I get busy too, doing some quick chores.

Alexis thinks someone must have stolen Julian’s wallet. He wouldn’t travel by bus or even fly coach. Nathan asks if he would temporarily lower his standards. Alexis says she thinks he had money stashed away, and wouldn’t use a credit card if he was on the run. She tells Nathan that she’s tired, and they agree to let each other know if there’s anything new. Nice earrings, Alexis! As soon as Nathan is gone, Alexis grabs her coat and leaves.

Jason tells Elizabeth that there’s a massive difference between Sam and Franco. Elizabeth agrees, saying that Franco did a lot of art therapy with Jake, and if he’s going to open up to anyone, it’s Franco. Franco calls and tells them about Jake showing up. Jason says he’ll be right there. Elizabeth wonders how Jake got there. She says she doesn’t want Jason getting into it with Franco, and says she’ll drive. Jason promises Sam that he’ll control himself.

Michael tells Kristina that he’s not making excuses for Nelle. He says she took advantage of them at their most vulnerable. He tells Kristina about Nelle’s new job with Valentin, but says what matters is their parents. Kristina doesn’t think Carly should be so judgey, but Michael says that Sonny is just as bad. He thinks Sonny can fix it if he’ll wait. Kristina says the only way that’s going to happen is if he talks Sonny into it. Michael doesn’t want to play referee, but she says as the big brother, he has to step in.

Um…too late. Carly and Jax bask in the afterglow. Jax asks if it was wrong or very right, and Carly kisses him.

Nelle tells Sonny that there’s nothing left to say except that she was so wrong. She can’t change things. Sonny says she kept building on the lie and milking it, while he and Carly grieved and tried to hang on to what was left with their marriage. He goes over everything that Nelle did. He asks why the confession now; she’s in the wrong place for absolution. She asks why it matters then. He asks what’s in it for her, and she says that she doesn’t want it weighing on her. He says that after everything she did, she wants him to believe it was just guilty conscience? He doesn’t buy it. Michael walks in and asks what he doesn’t buy.

Carly tells Jax why complicate things? He thinks some context might be appropriate. She says they needed it. He says she always has a purpose, and she says it felt good to laugh again. He says they have nothing to do for a few hours, so…

Alexis goes to Sam’s place. She tells Sam about Nathan’s visit, and asks if that’s why Sam wanted her to stay at the spa. Sam says she didn’t want to worry Alexis, but Alexis says Sam can’t protect her from the world. Sam tells her that Curtis is working on it, but so far came up empty handed. Alexis asks what Sam isn’t telling her.

Jake is doing some painting, and Franco instructs him to attack the canvas. Jake says, go big or go home. Franco says they’re buddies, but he can talk to Andre – he’s one of the good guys. Jake says, but Franco gets it. He tells Franco about the action figures, and how he picked the scarecrow. He says it’s just a game though, and not as good as the stories with Franco. Elizabeth and Jason show up. Jake says he thought he could trust Franco, but he’s just like the rest of them.

Elizabeth says Franco is right, and the babysitter is very upset because she feels like she did something wrong. Jason says he’s too young to be out alone. Franco tells Jake that Jason is right and his parents call the shots. Jason wants to speak with Franco alone. Franco tells him to take his best shot. Jason says that’s what Franco wants.

Sam tells Alexis about the screen grab. Alexis thinks she knows who made the call. Sam shows her the picture.

Jax wonders what they should call it, and Carly says a rewind. He asks for some wine, and she leaves to get it. He says no guilt, no regret, and she says none.

Michael says he was waiting for Nelle like she had asked him to. She says she shouldn’t have come to Sonny’s house and shouldn’t have come to Port Charles. Sonny says she doesn’t want to be there when he tells Michael what she told him. He tells Michael about Nelle drugging him, and explains what happened, saying that it was all a twisted lie. He wants to tell Carly immediately. He tells Michael to tell Nelle to go, and get out of their lives forever. He leaves.

Michael tells Nelle that Sonny believes her because it absolves him, but she could just be telling him what he wants to hear. He asks if she really slept with Sonny, or drugged him and lied about it. Nelle explains that she didn’t want to sleep with Sonny, and thought it would be more decent. Michael wonders how that word could come out of her mouth. What she did is not only illegal, but she knows who Sonny is and what he does to his enemies. He asks why she didn’t tell him the truth. She says she was going to, but owed it to Sonny first; hurting Michael and Josslyn wasn’t in her plan. He snarks that being collateral damage makes him feel special. Nelle says she was going to tell him everything. He says that she threw away her last chance. She says they can still be friends, but he tells her to leave now.

Sonny bangs on Carly’s door. She tells him it’s not a good time, but he walks in anyway. He says that he has to tell her something that will change everything

Jason says that Franco acted like a responsible adult just to score points with Elizabeth. Jason doesn’t want Jake there again, and Franco repeats that he didn’t invite Jake over. Because Jason is so dense, he says that Franco convinced Jake that he understands him. He says don’t come near his kid again. Franco says that he does understand Jake better than Jason, and its pissing Jason off. Elizabeth comes in and asks what’s going on.

Alexis tells Sam that if Julian is alive, why is he torturing her? Sam says that she shouldn’t have told her. Curtis calls. After speaking with him, Sam tells Alexis that they know who used Julian’s card.

Jason tells Elizabeth that they were just discussing Jake’s well-being, and that the studio is off limits. Elizabeth says if Jake wants to paint, they’ll do it at home. Franco wonders why Jake came and feels more comfortable with him, and Jason says he’s a good manipulator. Franco tells Elizabeth that Jake is a great kid and takes after his mom.  They leave, and Franco cleans up. He finds a roll of paper and unrolls it. It’s the timeline. He looks at the scarecrow. Now there’s a boy hiding behind a tree next to it. Franco says Jake left this for him.

Nathan and Kristina have coffee. He says he wants to talk about Julian. Kristina says he’s dead. Nathan says Julian’s body was never recovered, and stranger things have been known to happen. That’s for sure. You can be in the middle of an explosion in Port Charles and still be alive. You could be the guy holding the bomb. Nathan thinks Alexis is keeping something from him, and might be placing herself in danger.

Sam says that Curtis traced the charge to a kid who found the card, and he said he purchased a bus ticket with it. The story checks out, since he was a runaway who had the card on him. Alexis says that doesn’t prove if Julian is dead or alive. Sam asks what answer she was hoping for, but Alexis doesn’t know.

The hooded figure lurks outside of Alexis’s house and opens the door. He goes inside.

Nelle begs Michael to believe her. He made her think she could move forward, not live in the past, and stop the plan, but it was too late. She doesn’t expect forgiveness now, but hopes someday he can. She couldn’t take it if he hated her. He says he can’t fix her; it’s not his job. He closes the door, leaving her on the porch crying.

Carly tells Sonny that it has to wait, but Sonny says it means a whole new beginning, and to just listen. He never slept with Nelle.

Tomorrow, Curtis meets with Hayden, Kristina asks what Alexis is hiding, and Sonny says he and Carly can be together.

Southern Charm

Whitney drops in on Thomas. We flash back to the pool party, and Whitney calls Thomas the Hugh Hefner of Charleston. He thinks being away from Kathryn has mellowed Thomas. Whitney says he’s single and ready to mingle, as his long-distance relationship became too long of a distance.

Kathryn tells us that the past year has been the worst. We flash back to the reunion where it was revealed she didn’t pass a drug test. She’s disappointed in herself, and totally humiliated. Geez, it’s not like it was heroin, for God’s sake. She visits a friend whose name I missed, but she’s been on the show before, and tells her about going to rehab. She says Thomas has temporary full custody, and she and Thomas aren’t on speaking terms right now. She’s hoping for eventual joint custody, having passed another drug test. They talk about Jennifer. Kathryn is skeptical of her friendship, since she’s been friendly with Thomas.

On her way to visit Jennifer, Cameran talks to her mother on the phone. They discuss Jennifer’s new baby having surgery. In her interview, Cameran tells us how not interested she is in having her own baby. She says she’s living her truth and it’s an empty one. I believe she’s referring to an empty nest, but I wish she’d worded that differently. A childless life isn’t necessarily an empty one. And there are always dogs. She arrives at Jennifer’s, bearing a baby gift. They look at baby Ascher, who is with the nanny. The poor thing needed brain surgery the day he was born because of brain matter protruding from his skull, but he’s doing well. Jennifer has an entire closet full of baby clothes for the rest of the Ascher’s baby life. Cameran says he’s cute and cuddly, but she still can’t find any maternal instincts.

Jennifer talks about Thomas reaching out, and Cameran tells her how well he’s taking care of the kids. She asks if Jennifer has talked to Kathryn, but she says no. This is kind of a shame, since Jennifer had been very supportive of Kathryn last season. Jennifer claims she “loves to love people,” but I get the feeling that it’s more like she loves to be loved. That kind of person doesn’t always make for a loyal friend.

Shep meets with Craig at some batting cages. Craig says baseball was his life growing up, and he wanted to play in the major leagues. After he gets up to bat, I see why that idea fizzled. Shep tells him about talking to Naomie. He asks how long Craig has known he didn’t graduate from law school, but Craig says it’s been no secret. Shep wonders if Craig has a secret family somewhere, since he never seems to tell the truth, and they discuss him mailing the last test out. Craig wonders why Shep is obsessed with this, and Shep says he doesn’t think Craig wants to be a lawyer. Craig calls Shep a loser. In his interview, he says Shep is 36, and still going out every night. He wonders why he has to prove himself to his friends. Craig suggests they drop it. I’m with Craig on this. He’s 27, and if he wants to try different things, and as long as he’s not sitting around on his ass, who cares? He’s also a very nice and diplomatic guy. And it’s not like he’s asking to borrow money either.

Landon (ew!) works with her interns on her website. She says it’s finally starting to come together. She was humiliated after last year’s meeting with the internet dude. We flash back to him telling her all she had was a handful of papers. She needed to figure out how to take her idea to the technology world “which is so new to her.” I’m not even sure what to say about that. She wants to prove herself to her family. We flash back to her father telling her that she can’t live off of her dreams. She gets all teary, and says she’s putting herself out there. She doesn’t think she’ll get another chance, and if this doesn’t work, she’ll have to work for her dad in real estate. This woman is so ridiculous.

Cameran meets with Chelsea, and asks if she’s attending “Landon’s thing.” By the rest of the conversation, I assume Landon is having some kind of launch party. Cameran thinks Chelsea might be the one to change Shep into a one-woman man. She says that Chelsea is the female version of Shep, except she’s not a whore. Alrighty then.

Austen, Whitney and Shep go out for some food. Whitney welcomes Austen to the group. They talk about the pool party, and Shep shows interest in Chelsea. He says he, Chelsea and Cameran are going out in a couple of days, and he’s going to see if they really click. Whitney talks about Landon having a showing for her website, and that they’re supposed to critique it. They probably already know that anything less than a compliment will make her cry. Shep tells them about how Landon met with a group of internet developers, and she acted like a jerk. They were angry and appalled. In his interview, Shep says Landon wants to be the hipster queen of Charleston.

Naomie gets home, and Craig tells her about Landon’s test launch. Naomie is working on her masters, and says they’re on totally different schedules. She wonders what Craig actually does, and we see him giving cat Gizmo a ride in the wheelbarrow. Craig tells her about Shep’s ambush, saying it’s not like Shep has any kind of career path. Naomie says that their circumstances are different. In her interview, she says in her perfect world, Craig would pass the bar, they’d both get great jobs, make loads of money, and travel the world, but it takes work, and she’s not his babysitter. Uh-oh. It’s never good to look at a boyfriend like a fixer-upper. Craig says that Shep brought some of the others into it, and he doesn’t want to have to prove himself to anyone. He thinks it’s just going to be group settings for a while.

Landon is proud of herself. She wants to show her friends that she has a real job. Omg, she can’t even talk on the phone without saying “um” a thousand times. Everyone gets ready for the party. Thomas compliments his reflection in French. He thinks Landon is misread, and that she can really follow through. Enjoy being alone in that opinion.

The party is at a bar. Good move getting them drunk before they look at the website. Landon greets her friends. Drew is wearing a tuxedo, and shows off his cufflinks. Cameran arrives, and looks like she didn’t comb her hair for the occasion, so I’m confused about the dress code. Whitney brings a girl named Daisy, who looks like she’s dressed from a 1920s fashion catalog. Whoa. She’s very animated too.

Cameran tells Craig that she’s mad at him for telling Shep that they’re not real friends. He tells her what Shep said about them keeping him out of the loop. Craig says that Shep claimed that everyone is mad at him for not taking the bar, and that’s why he’s not in the group chat anymore. Shep told him that they make fun of him, and Cameran says they do make fun of his Instagram, showing us some examples in her interview. Craig says if they don’t want to be friends, fine.

Shep thinks he looks like a Creamsicle. Chelsea says they go well together. Everyone looks at the site. Apparently, Landon doesn’t write the content, so I’m not sure what it is she does do. Shep flirts with Naomie, annoying Craig. Thomas talks about pixilation like he knows what he’s talking about. Chelsea flirts with the other guys, and Cameran tells Shep he needs to lay claim. He’s like, free love, and makes a peace sign. Everyone congratulates Landon. They’re just happy that anything she’s attempted exists at all. Landon says she has a purpose now. Shep face palms in his interview. He takes Landon to the side, and asks her impressions of the developers who she talked to. He tells her that critiquing their software was a bad idea, and how she came off entitled. He tells her that first impressions last a long time. She complains that they talked down to her, and Shep tells her that entrepreneurs have to eat a lot of sh*t when they start out. She says when she’s not bitchy, she gets taken advantage of, and when she is, she’s a bitch. Shep tells her just say she’ll take it under advisement, and kill them with kindness. In her interview, she says that Shep has never had a job and rained on her parade. She tells one of her friends that Shep called her a bitch. Now she wants to go home. Don’t forget to take your dolls and jacks with you.

Chelsea meets Craig at his bar. In his interview, he says her being friends with Cameran changes the stakes of the game, but anything can happen. Cameran joins them, feeling like a third wheel. She points out the sparkle in Shep’s eye and he says it’s because he’s not hung over. The liquor comes, and he tells them that there are kids who aren’t drunk in China, so drink up.

They discuss Landon’s website. Shep talks about an app he’s investing in, but it’s not Landon’s. He tells them what the web guys had to say about Landon, and how she didn’t take it well when he told her. Cameran thinks she should give Shep and Chelsea some privacy, and Shep says what happens with Chelsea, stays with Chelsea.

Next time, Kathryn tries to get a modeling job, Chelsea and Shep spend the night together, and Naomie suggests Craig not be so last minute with everything.

Vanderpump Rules – The Reunion Part Two

Andy asks Lisa why she had such mixed emotions about firing James, when it didn’t take much to fire Kristen. Lisa says she did Kristen a favor when she fired her, but James had problems. She says he didn’t seem in control, but when she saw the footage, realized how provocative he’d been. Jax says he’s like a wind-up doll – give him alcohol and he goes. We flash back to some of that. James says he’s got triggers, man, he’s got triggers. It’s bizarre how these kids talk like beatniks and hippies from another time. Ariana says he and Jax are a lot alike. Andy asks Lisa why she told James to stay away from alcohol, like that’s not obvious. She says that when he drinks, he turns into a monster, and he’s young enough to get a grip.

Time to talk about Montauk. Andy is amused that the group had to google what a clambake was. Kristen informs us that the urban dictionary has a different definition involving weed. Andy asks about Scheana’s restrictive diet, and all the girls talk at once. Scheana feels that she gets picked on for being stringent with herself. Andy finally has to tell them to shut up.

Ariana’s birthday is discussed. Andy brings up how Jax was just out of surgery, and asks if he followed doctor’s orders during the NASCAR weekend. That would be a no regarding alcohol. They talk about how nasty it was, living in the RV together. Andy asks about Lala seeming to accept the groups’ olive branch, and then ghosting them at the last minute. Lala claims she was in panic attack mode, especially since Jax made her feel like she wasn’t wanted beforehand. She didn’t want to be cooped up in an RV with that. Tom says he made it clear that wouldn’t happen, and that it’s more like she didn’t feel like going. She says she wishes it was that simple, but he doesn’t believe her. He asks if her boyfriend was in town, and she says he lives in LA. Tom says that a friend outed her about being at the Beverly Hills Hotel that weekend.

Andy basically asks where Lala’s money comes from. She says her family has money, and her mother pays most of her bills. The Range Rover is brought up, because we can never, ever forget about that, and there’s a bunch of nonsense about the car. Andy asks if she was dating a married man.

Lala says no, and that no one will ever get the answer they’re looking for. He asks if she’s still dating the same person, and she won’t answer. Lisa says she deliberately creates intrigue. Stassi says if she wants respect, she has to give the same. Tom says that Stassi did the same thing in season three, but Stassi says that was Patrick’s choice. She says they put their lives out there, and Lala doesn’t have the right to lie. Lala says that Stassi knows nothing about her situation, and it’s nobody’s business. She tells Stassi to stop being a mean girl and gets nasty. Tom says he would love not to have his personal life on the show, or how about Tom and Katie? He tells Lala that it’s not fair. Stassi’s situation isn’t really comparable here. We knew about Patrick, he just didn’t want to be on the show. There are plenty of SOs we don’t see on reality shows.

Andy asks why Kristen thought James was the key to taking Lala down, and it’s universally agreed that James is easily manipulated. Andy asks why he agreed to meet with them, and he says they sucked him in with their lies. The girls are insistent that they weren’t lying; that this is what they heard. Andy asks about the NDA (non-disclosure agreement) from Lala. Lala explains why she would do something like that. Brittany calls it an NBA, and says she doesn’t even know what it is, so Andy has to explain. Lala says she had a bad experience, and wants to control what people post online about her. Tom suggests she not be around people she can’t trust.

They get off track, and Andy tries to corral the group. He asks Lala if the real reason was that her boyfriend didn’t want the relationship disclosed. She says she has NDAs to protect her life off of the show. Andy is like no offense, but why are you so special? He talks about her withdrawing, and she says she was becoming an unhealthy individual. She was liquored up 24/7 and not in a good head space. He asks why Lisa tried to convince her to stay. Lisa says running back to mommy is no way to grow up, and Lala is stronger than she thinks.

Andy asks if it’s really good-by for Lala with the group, and everyone goes, nah. Lala apologizes to everybody for being mean. Schwartz says she’s awesome, considering. Lala says when someone comes into a situation where everyone has their dukes up already, defensiveness is to be expected. We say good-by to Lala – for now.

Next up are Tom and Ariana. Tom’s animosity about Ariana’s cocktail book is discussed. Ariana felt he shouldn’t just jump in after she put in the initial footwork, but the end result was they’re both doing the book. Andy asks why Ariana doesn’t want Tom to put a ring on it. She says she just doesn’t see the point, and everyone pushing it is getting irritating. Andy mentions that Brittany has been planning her wedding for her entire life, and Jax suggests Denny’s as a venue. Stassi says that her family marries and divorces for sport.

We cover the comedy night where Jax’s d*ck pic was revealed, and thankfully, which Brittany’s mother did not attend. I could swear this was the prior season. Jax says he only cared because of Brittany, who says they promised nothing like that would happen again. Lisa thought it was tacky, thoughtless, and mean. Andy asks why Brittany brought her mother to the roast, and Lisa says she was horrified. We flash back to Lisa cautioning Brittany’s mother about Jax. Lisa says if Brittany was her daughter, she wouldn’t be too happy. Andy brings up Brittany’s mother being most upset by the thought of Jax kissing a guy, which I think is weird too. Jax says he probably would have been more concerned about the cheating and the drugs. Tom thought it was inappropriate, but Jax says that it’s to be expected from a mom. Brittany talks about her mother getting a huge amount of flack on social media, and says she isn’t homophobic in any way. Andy says as a gay guy, he totally understood. Jax says she lives in a different, very conservative world.

We go back in time to Jax’s visit to Kentucky. A lot of it involves animals and four-wheelers. And Jax being grilled about marrying Brittany. I don’t remember this at all. Did they even show any of this?

Stassi’s younger brother Nicolai is introduced. The voice of reason. Stassi calls him brave for being on the show, and I agree. Andy asks what he thought about Stassi and Jax as a couple. He says it was good at first, but went wrong. We flash back to a conversation between him and Jax. Patrick is discussed. Tom asks Stassi if he knocked the show and Andy asks if that’s part of the reason she left. She says he wasn’t too happy about it, and she did partly leave for that reason, but he seemed supportive once she left. Andy asks if Nicolai is sad about the Patrick break-up, and Nicolai drops pearls of wisdom. Stassi says she doesn’t take him seriously until she sees it on TV. We flash back to him telling her that life is tough, especially in your 20s. Andy asks how he’s so wise, and he says that he just absorbs it. We also learn that Sex in the City is one of his favorite shows. Andy asks what the weirdest thing about Stassi is. Nicolai tells us about her reaction during a cringeworthy moment. He says he’s proud about her sticking up for herself and that she really does care about other people. I think she does. For goodness’ sake, she cried when she heard Schwartz had cheated on Katie.

Andy asks for advice for everyone. Schwartz is first. Nicolai thinks Schwartz shouldn’t call girls bitches. Schwartz says he’s working on that, and Nicolai tells him to work harder. He suggests Katie lower it down on the drinking, and she’ll get more friends. He tells Jax that he’s going to die alone and drunk if he doesn’t change his ways. Out of the mouths of babes. He tells Ariana to think about other people more. Scheana is told that there’s no picking a side. She says she doesn’t, but actually, in not picking a side, you’re picking a side. Think about it. Nicolai says there’s no problem with Brittany, and tells Lisa to keep up the great business work. She thinks maybe she should hire him as her personal advisor. He also says nothing is wrong on Andy’s end.

The events up to Katie’s wedding are discussed. Scheana talks about feeling excluded. Kristen accuses her of not contributing, but she insists she did. We move on to Lisa’s shower gift of a blow-up doll named Katie, and Katie gushes over Pandora’s spa day gift. Andy brings up the altercation between Katie and Scheana, and we flash back to the disastrous bridesmaids’ lunch. Katie thinks Scheana deflects, but Scheana says that Katie is mean when she drinks. She says there’s a difference between a drinking problem and being an alcoholic. She tells Katie that everyone has had a problem with Katie’s drinking at one time or another. We flash back to all that. She insists that she’s never called Katie an alcoholic. Katie says she doesn’t have a problem either. <sigh>

Andy asks Stassi how it felt to have Ariana tell her that she didn’t give a flying. Stassi says Ariana has consistently hurt her feelings. Ariana says that Stassi is manipulating, and she didn’t believe that her feelings were really hurt. The girls all protest, and Ariana says whenever she answers a question honestly, she’s the a-hole. Katie says she’s holding Stassi accountable for things she did in the past and she doesn’t know who Stassi is today. Schwartz says that was the 2012 Stassi. Ariana says there’s no difference, and brings up Stassi saying that she’s wanted to crack her. Stassi says it wasn’t meant to be mean, and the girls all say she was just joking. Ariana says maybe she doesn’t want to be friends with people who joke like that. She thought it was another opportunity for Stassi to be the victim. She always wants people to be apologizing. Stassi says no matter what, they won’t like her.

Next time, The Reunion Part Three, Shay joins the group, the Vegas trip is discussed, and so is Katie’s drinking.

🚑 Better Call Saul returned tonight. I watched most of the first season, and it was much better (and funnier) than I expected it to be. So much good TV, so little time.

🐮 On Sweet Home Oklahoma, Lee’s new neighbor cut down a tree on her property immediately upon moving in, claiming that he “knocked on her door.” I’m in awe of her self-control in not totally going off on the neighbor. Angie aka Pumps suggested that she throw some baseballs through the neighbor’s window, and then say she knocked on the door. Instead, Lee plants some shrubs in the shape of a middle finger. I like it. Jennifer also planned a party for her French bulldog, Tubbers. She and her 9-year-old son then conspired to tell Pumps that it’s a costume party – when it’s not – because she’s given Jennifer so much grief over calling Tubbers a service dog. They were both dying laughing while setting it up, and it almost made me wish I had a kid. Almost. I love these people. They’re definitely a group I could hang out with.

👂 I gotta mention this. I was raised by a sailor, so I’m fine with cursing, but it’s not something I think should be taught to kids. Why am I saying this? I’ve been watching TV a long time – it was my babysitter growing up – and I have never heard so much cursing. I lost count of how many times I heard sh*t, especially during The Walking Dead, but now the f-word is getting pretty close to being openly said. It’s still bleeped, but just barely, and all you need to hear are the first and last letter to have your mental ear fill in the rest. And I’m not talking a cable station like HBO. Bravo, I’m talkin’ to you.

April 9, 2017 – Gearing Up for a Black Fairy Battle & Are You Wives or Shade Trees?

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

The Black Fairy carries a baby through the clouds. She lands in a coal mine. She tells a woman that this one isn’t for the mine. He’s to be cared for as though he was hers. (Or she could have said, it is mine. BA-DUM-CHH!) She tells baby Gideon that he won’t be needing the book any more, and tosses it aside.

In Storybrooke, Gideon tells Emma they’ll destroy the Black Fairy together. It’s impossible for Hook to return without her helping him. She knocks him down with some magic, and says if he doesn’t bring Hook back, she’ll make him do it. Gideon says she doesn’t frighten him; nothing does. She has no idea what he’s been through, being raised by the Black Fairy. He says that there are many waiting for him to protect them, and he’s very far from the bad guy. They have a common cause, whether she realizes it or not. He disappears, poof! in a puff of amber smoke.

Back in Gideon’s childhood days, the children the Black Fairy has imprisoned are being read to by Gideon. He says as long as he’s around, they’ll be safe from her. The Black Fairy enters, wishing them sweet dreams. She has a special bedtime story for Gideon, but she says that she sees he already has one, and takes the book from him. He says his real mother gave it to him, but she says she’s his real mother. Gideon says she’s not, and never will be. She says just because his mother was a hero, doesn’t make him one, and she’s going to show him exactly who he is.

She drags one of the children out of a cell. She tells him that if he wants to be a hero, to show her. The child cries to Gideon for help, but he does nothing. The Black Fairy calls him a coward, and says he has much to learn – from her.

In the present, Emma tells Gold that she has questions and she wants answers. She tells him that his son has a death wish. He banished Hook and wants her to help kill the Black Fairy. Gold explains that the Black Fairy is his mother. Belle says he wasn’t born evil; the Black Fairy made him this way. Gold says that’s not the only reason to save him, and that destroying the Black Fairy will save all of them. At present, she can only break out of her realm long enough to steal more children, but If she breaks free from her realm for good, it will be a disaster. He tells Emma that all of the darkness she’s ever faced comes from the Black Fairy, and if she isn’t destroyed, they’re doomed.

Regina works at the cauldron. She tells Henry that casting a curse is one thing, but breaking it’s another. Henry tells her that if anyone can break her own curse, it’s her. She says she’s undone everything, except the big one. She asks if Henry can go pick up some tongue of newt – not the eye. Henry suddenly starts writing furiously in some kind of code, and cataracts cover his eyes.

Some time ago, Gideon asks the Black Fairy what she wants. She says it’s his 28th birthday. She thought they should celebrate, since he’s grown into a strong, loyal son, and his magic has blossomed. She can’t find the key to her vault, and tells him it was stolen. She instructs him to go to the mines, find out who’s responsible, and make them pay. She puts something that looks like a dog whistle around his neck, and he goes.

Moving forward, Emma goes to the clock tower. She tells Gideon that he reminds her of Henry when he first needed her help. She asks for the sword, and he gives it to her. She says they have a deal, and let’s get her pirate back.

In another realm, Hook goes into a bar (not the start of a joke), and dumps out a load of gems on the card table. Blackbeard says he’s interrupting the game, and draws his sword. Hook says he needs a magic bean, and these are the finest gems from Agrabah. He has one more thing to offer. Blackbeard hasn’t had a vessel since he lost the Jolly Roger, and Hook asks, what’s a pirate without a ship? He suggests playing a hand of cards for the ship. Everyone gets out of the way, and Hook sits down.

Right now, Gideon takes Emma to the sorcerer’s mansion. Emma says extreme magic isn’t like hailing a cab, but Gideon says she has him. He zaps them both inside, and tells her to arrange the ingredients that are on the table. She lights a candle, and he hands her the napkin that has her tears on it. A huge claw comes bursting through the door, followed by a giant spider. Gideon says it’s a message. I guess the Black Fairy hasn’t heard about texting. They throw bolts of magic at the spider, and Emma tells Gideon to run. Since I’m not afraid of spiders, this has never been my horror thing, but as spiders go, this one is pretty scary.

Back at the mines, Gideon tells everyone to gather around. He says his mother has been generous to them, and one of them has stolen the key from her. If it’s returned now, they’ll only face his wrath. He says with just a bit of magic, he can turn them into vermin. He pulls a kid out, and another one steps forward, saying it was him. He asks if Gideon remembers him. He reminds Gideon that he once read to him, but Gideon says he has no choice. The kid says he had no choice then, but he has a choice now; he knows his old friend is still in there. He tells Gideon to be the hero that he was meant to be, and help defeat the Black Fairy.

In the Storybrooke realm, the spider shoots webs on everything. Gideon says Emma’s magic is the only one strong enough to get into the Black Fairy’s realm. Webs are going everywhere, and they jet.

Sliding sideways, Blackbeard asks Hook what’s so important. Hook says the woman he loves is in danger. Blackbeard thinks maybe he should have kept the ship, and shows his hand, which I guess is a good one, but I don’t play cards. I could barely remember the high-scoring roles of the dice in Yahtzee when I went through a Yahtzee phase. Blackbeard tells Hook that it’s time to pay up. They go to the docks, but Hook says he forgot to mention that the ship is in the realm where Emma is, and he’ll have to give him the bean to get there. He also tells Blackbeard that he saw the six aces in his deck. Blackbeard says well played, but he’s coming along.

In the here and now, Regina asks Henry what the writing is about, but he doesn’t know. He asks why this happened, but Regina has no answers. She does know someone who might though. They go to a hospital. Emma says if Henry’s problem is being the author, they should ask the last one. She says hello to Isaac, and says they need to talk.

Isaac says he’s heard of this happening, but it never happened to him. He doesn’t think what he did was enough to get him locked up, and Regina says that he tried to kill them all. He says a writer needs motivation and inspiration. He wants out and a sports car; he wants to go back to the Big Apple. She suggests she drive a sports car over his head. He repeats that he wants freedom, a sports car, New York City, and because she’s being a pain, Hamilton tickets. I literally LOL. He says Henry’s writing is taking over, and he’s more powerful than he realizes. It’s only going to get worse, and Henry could end up in the cell next door.

Gideon and Emma run from the spider. He tells her she should leave, but she’s staying to help him.

Back in the mines, the kid asks where Gideon is taking him. Gideon explains that the reason the Black Fairy is collecting dust in the mine, is that she’s obsessed with perfecting the Dark Curse. Gideon asks what happened after he left, and the kid says it’s better left unsaid. Gideon apologizes, and says he regrets his weakness every day. The kid says they were children, but now they must stop her before it’s too late. The Savior can help them. He’s heard rumors of a crystal ball that can help them communicate across realms.

In the present day sorcerer’s mansion, the spider is squirting webs all over, and they’re covering everything. Emma and Gideon can’t leave the house. Emma gets stuck in a web, and Gideon takes the sword. He says once she’s dead, he can use the sword to channel the powers to another realm. The spider blocks the door. Gideon tells Emma that Hook’s return is impossible, and says he told her to walk away. He disappears, poof! in a puff of ocher smoke.

In whatever realm they landed, Blackbeard asks Hook where the Jolly Roger is, but Hook says it’s not his realm; something went wrong. He says whatever dark magic banished him, must have kept him from getting back. They hear whooping in the distance. Hook thinks he knows what it is. The Lost Boys. They’re in Neverland. The Lost Boys come after them, and they run.

Back to today, Emma struggles against the web. The spider screeches. Emma breaks free, but the spider binds her in a web cocoon. She gasps for air. In the clock tower, the sword is aglow. Gideon slices the air with it, and opens a portal. Emma is pulled toward the spider. The portal door in the clock tower starts to fizzle out, the spider suddenly backs off of Emma, and Gold appears. He wakes Emma, the magic withdraws from the sword. Emma and Gold make the spider tiny, and Emma steps on it. Too bad things don’t work that way IRL. Gold asks where Gideon is. Emma says he tried to kill her, and she’s sorry, but he can’t be saved; he’s evil.

The kid and Gideon look for the orb in a magic fish tank. Gideon pulls it out, and the kid (sorry, didn’t catch his name and figure he’s dispensable, so he’s been dubbed “the kid”) thanks him. The orb shatters, and the Black Fairy appears. She says she led them here, just like she led Gideon’s friend to the key. Gideon says it was a test. She says he was supposed to be different; he was a gift. She says his parents abandoned him, but she shared everything with him, and this is how he repays her. She’s disappointed in him. He says he should have stood up to her years ago. He’s not letting her do something terrible; the people have suffered long enough. Her lackeys grab the kid, and Gideon smacks her. She says there are many ways to hurt a person. She turns the kid into a spider, and she steps on him. She says Gideon could have saved him eons ago, but didn’t, so this is on him – and her boot. Okay, that was good. He calls her a monster. He says he’ll find the Savior and the Savior will destroy her. The Black Fairy says she knows all about the Savor, and has plans for her, just like she has plans for him. She takes his heart, and says now he’s hers in every way. He’ll do whatever she says. He’ll find the Savior and kill her. When the Savior dies, the sword will free her from her prison.

In Neverland, Blackbeard says that he thought Pan was dead. Hook says he is, and the Lost Boys took over. They get to the shore, and Blackbeard knocks Hook out. There’s a single canoe, and he makes a run for it. He tells Hook to enjoy his stay, adding, we’re pirates, what did you expect? He reminds Hook that he still owes him the ship. Uh-oh, here come the Lost Boys bearing torches.

Snow and Belle meet with Gold and Emma. Emma explains what happened, and tells them that Gideon is evil. Gold says he needs help. She says he needs to take responsibility for his actions, and Gold says he’ll do what he can to stop Gideon from being harmed. Snow says that they didn’t start this fight. Emma suggests they go home.

Belle tells Gold that Gideon is ripping them apart. He’s only been there a few days, and already caused all kinds of destruction. She thinks Emma is right, but Gold says he’s with the two of them now, and the Black Fairy’s damage is over.

In the clock tower, Gideon says that the Black Fairy’s plan failed. The Savior survived.

The Black Fairy appears – no poofing, no smoke. Gideon says the portal closed, but the Black Fairy says that as Emma’s life ebbed away, the portal opened just enough for her to slip through. She tells him he played his part to the hilt, and he says that he had no choice. She says a part of him wanted to help her, part of him always does. He says of course. She says good, because they have much to do.

Isaac tells Regina that he wanted sports car, and wouldn’t drive this to a Ping-Pong tournament. This, is a station wagon. He supposes the Hamilton tickets are a no, and says nobody’s magic is that powerful. Very funny dialogue tonight. Isaac suggests that they follow him. He tells her that if she wants to know what’s going on, to take a look at the book. Henry says it’s the final chapter, and Isaac says, end of story. Henry asks what happens to the Savior, and Isaac says she fights the final battle – and nobody wants to be around to see that. He drives away into the night.

Next time, the Black Fairy squares off with Emma, history will be rewritten and the past will be altered, everyone could be trapped forever, and Snow and David must decide whether or not Emma will be born.

💀 Yeah, now that The Walking Dead finally reeled me back in, the season is over.

🍑 On The Real Housewives of Atlanta some of the ladies continue to act like children, mostly Phaedra and Porsha. Phaedra blows my mind, because she’s beyond shady; she’s downright nasty. She’s constantly after Kandi – I guess because she and Todd are friends with Apollo – but she never ceases to top herself. Now she’s involved in a lawsuit against Kandi by one of Kandi’s ex-employees. Bleh. Although when Kandi said that Phaedra was like Geppetto with a bunch of Pinocchios around her, I nearly fell off my chair, laughing. There was a party to unveil Chateau Sheree, and I have to say, both the party and house were very cool. Even if the house does have an unfinished basement, which Kenya made sure that we knew. Kim Zolciak Biermann made an appearance (is NeNe far behind?), and we had a fun flashback down Memory Lane, including the time Sheree tried to pull Kim’s wig off in the middle of the street. Good times… Kim and Kenya had an argument, and as usual, Porsha was falling out of her clothes. She also thinks her deceased father would be proud of her. For what? Assault charges, or not knowing that the Underground Railroad is not a real railroad? Cynthia tried to ditch Peter for the millionth time, so not much going on there. This was the finale, but the only interesting ending blurb was that Kandi wrote Ed Sheeran‘s recent hit, Shape of You. The reunion looks like it should be a doozie.

🍷 So far, The Real Housewives of Potomac is a bit of a snooze. Katie had her casino night, and everyone seemed way overdressed for the venue, which looked like a Holiday Inn meeting room. The night included a performance of the strangest tribute to the Jackson Five, or tribute to Michael Jackson (okay, I wasn’t paying attention, but it was a Jackson tribute), that I’ve ever seen. Not that I’ve seen a lot of them. Or any really. It was a trio of dudes who looked and sounded like an act out of a high school middle school talent show. I honestly didn’t know what to make of it. We were introduced to new girl, Monique, whose husband is with the NFL. Maybe she’ll breathe some life into this already stale group.

🙌 And this goes for every other day of the week too…

MondayAwesome

April 7, 2017 – Nelle Wants to Fix Things & the Wisdom of Don Rickles

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Franco creates a weird self-portrait. There’s a knock at the door, and Franco yanks it open, asking what is it? What it is, is Elizabeth. I guess he wasn’t expecting her.

Tracy rereads Edward’s letter. It says that he’s sure she’ll know where the painting should go. She says it’s coming home, and she knows exactly where to put it. Laura hears crying in the hallway again.

Nelle says that Michael should be happy to see her like this, but he doesn’t like to see anyone in pain. She says he’s too nice for his own good. She tells him that everything she’s known to be true in her life has turned out to be a lie. Not that it applies to this particular scene, but I keep thinking Sonny should at least have a clue that Nelle might have knocked him out and it never happened. It seems ridiculous that he’s just taking her word for it, and keeps wondering why he can’t remember anything.

Jax tells Carly that he always thought he was the more rational one, but Carly has never done anything this radical. He asks if they can bounce back from this, and if she can forgive him.

Dante tells Sonny the analysis on the pills should be back any minute. Ava overhears.

Elizabeth says she didn’t know Franco was working. She asks if he wants her to come back, but he asks her to come in. She thought he might want to know about Jake’s first appointment with Andre. She tells Franco that Andre made friends with Jake using action figures, and hopes he starts to open up. Franco tells her that she shouldn’t rush him. He tells her that Jake called him and asked him to come over to finish the timeline, but he followed the rules, and turned Jake away.

Tracy tells Laura about putting the painting over the fireplace in the den, and that Monica can be reminded of her every day at breakfast. Laura says that she heard the crying again. Tracy says it’s the wind. The head monk overhears, and says some of his students get homesick. He asks if Tracy will reconsider leaving the painting.

Nelle repeats what Jax told her, but he already knows. She says her father was never perfect, but knowing he needed her made her feel proud and closer to him. She felt like he loved her, but he told her that Carly cheated them both. She wanted revenge for the wrongdoing done to her family, but it was her own father who did it.

Jax tells Carly that he was desperate. He had no idea Frank would use his own daughter. He keeps saying that, but I’m not sure how that makes it any more okay. Carly says no matter what he did, she’s grateful. Josslyn is alive. Now Carly has to live with herself, knowing she benefited from Nelle’s pain. Jax says he’s lost so much, he doesn’t want to lose her.

Sonny tells Dante that a bottle of Morgan’s pills was unaccounted for. Maybe now they’ll find out what happened. Valerie brings the report to Dante, and sees Ava. Ava says she remembered she has an appointment, and Valerie asks what the hurry is. Dante tells Sonny that the lab did a full wipe down, and Sonny asks if there’s a match.

Elizabeth says Franco made the right decision. For now, this is how they have to do things. He says she’s the best mother on the planet.

Tracy tells the head monk that the painting is her last connection to her father, and nothing he says can make her part with it. He tells her that they could use the money, and she gives him a check. He thanks her for her generosity, although we don’t know how generous she is. I’m guessing not $20 million with of generous. On the side, Laura says it’s hardly Tracy’s last connection to her father; she has the beautiful letter he wrote, and she can treasure his words in her heart. Tracy says she’d prefer a tangible reminder, and I get confused, since the letter is tangible. Laura thinks that Edward would have wanted her to leave the painting. Tracy tells the head monk she knows that the painting is valuable, but to her, it’s priceless. He says he understands. Another monk stares at the painting.

Dante tells Sonny that there were no clear prints, and the bottle changed hands too many times for them to get any information. Valerie has Ava’s charm bracelet, but says she has to fill out a form to get anything back.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he wants to be there with her when the boys are growing up, but Jason concerns him. She says Andre will convince Jason otherwise. He told Sam and Jason that Jake senses tension in the household, and when things settle down, he’ll probably open up. She says Jake needs space for now, but she has no intention of cutting Franco out of her life.

Nelle tells Michael that Jax gave her father enough money to float them for years. He disappeared, and when he came back said that Carly had cheated him. She says that’s when she found this, and shows Michael a poker chip. She says when she found it, she thought he played the odds with what little they had, and came back with nothing. She didn’t want to believe he could be that stupid and selfish, so she convinced herself he was trying to make up for what Carly had cheated him out of. She never thought about it again, but kept the chip to remind her of what Carly had done. She says she literally gave up a part of herself, and only has the chip to show for it. She says this is why she’s been stuck in the past and couldn’t live her own life. She flings the poker chip away.

Carly says Jax is still processing everything, but Jax says he shouldn’t put it on her. She knows he’s worried about Josslyn. Jax says that Josslyn was upset about Lady Jane, and asks if they can put off telling her about Nelle. Carly tells him that they’ll figure out how and when to tell her, but right now she needs to grieve. Jax says he’s the reason his mother is dead. Geez.

Franco says he’s glad he didn’t slam the door in Elizabeth’s face. She says interrupting artists is never a good idea, but wants to take a peek at the work. He wants to drape her and include her in the piece. She says she’ll see what she can do, and starts to disrobe.

Dante tells Sonny that the perp seems too stupid to understand a plea deal, and his lawyer isn’t much better. Sonny asks if he can take the bottle with him; maybe it will give Carly closure. Dante says they have to hang on to it for the trial. He says he’ll do what he can to speed things along.

Nelle says her father made her believe he was the only one who cared about her, and everyone else was just out to get her. She says her attitude was to hurt them before they hurt her. Michael asks why she didn’t consider other options. She should have realized Carly wasn’t like that once she got to know her. Nelle says she thought Carly just felt guilty. She saw people the way her father did, and was taught to see the worst in people. She carried her hatred around, and doesn’t even know who she is without it. Nothing seems real except how she feels about Michael.

Carly says Jax’s mother was sick. He says she was getting better until he told her about Nelle. He saw Carly getting close to her, and confessed to his mother. She forgave him, but she was devastated and blamed herself. She questioned what she did wrong as a mother with his brother, Jerry. He was her consolation, but he wasn’t the man she raised him to be either. He says he’s just as responsible for his mother’s death. Confession time for me too. I’ve been calling Jax “Jax” for so long, I’d forgotten his first name. When he mentioned Jerry, I looked it up. It’s Jasper. I don’t think anyone has ever called him that.

Michael says Nelle hurt his entire family, and he doesn’t get how she could do that. She says their friendship was real, and brings up their time in the cabin. He remembers her saying that she didn’t deserve to be happy. She reminds him of telling her that she could choose a new path. It was the first time she had hope. She says if only they’d met before she decided to go down that road. Michael says it’s too late; she did what she did, and there’s no way to take it back. She says maybe there is.

Elizabeth comes out in a blanket, and there’s a song part. Franco starts to include her in the painting, but I don’t think much in the way of artwork is going to happen. He tells her how beautiful she is, and she reveals her shoulders. He starts to paint. She looks at the finished product – the both of them, side-by-side, but Franco is upside down and Elizabeth is more colorful. She takes the blanket off.

Laura tells Tracy let’s just get the painting and go, but when they go back in the room, they only see an empty easel.

Nelle tells Michael what if she could make it go away? Michael tells her it’s already done. She asks him to wait. She thinks there’s something she can do to fix things. If any part of what they had is real, he’ll wait for her.

Sonny remembers Carly going through Morgan’s journal, saying that he’s taking the pills and not understanding why they’re not working. He remembers them talking about the missing bottle.

Carly tells Jax that he’s still grieving, and it’s messing with his head. He says he shouldn’t have burdened Lady Jane, and she took a turn for the worse after he told her. Then she was gone. He says he had no intention of saying anything, but realized he was hurting people he cared about, and had to tell the truth. He needs to make things right with Nelle as well. Carly tells him that Nelle is vindictive, and hopes she doesn’t turn it around. He says he’ll face the consequences.

Dante wants to ask Ava a few questions.

Tracy thinks the monks stole the painting. She says they’re going to the consulate. The head monk says that won’t be necessary. Some of his brethren forgot the 7th commandment. The monk who had been staring at the painting, who doesn’t speak English, blurts out something about there being dire consequences – in English. The head monk says they’ve already settled the matter, and it’s been an honor to meet J.L.’s daughter. He meant a lot to them.

Elizabeth has to relieve the babysitter. Franco says he’ll spring for overtime, but Elizabeth says she’s a teenager with a test tomorrow. She tells him that just because he can’t come over to her place, doesn’t mean she can’t come over to his place. She’s thinking they should work on another painting. Which in this case is a euphemism for getting busy.

Ava says she already gave a statement, but Dante says something doesn’t add up. Why was she meeting Lucy? Ava says they were talking business about the Nurses Ball. He thinks it’s a big coincidence that they found this the same night, and shows her the evidence bag.

Carly says that Jax didn’t set out to hurt anyone. Jax says people do terrible things for good reasons, but it doesn’t excuse their actions. She says he’s human, and Josslyn is alive because of him. His mother couldn’t hate him for that, and neither does she. They kiss.

Sonny is about to call Carly when the house phone rings. He tells Max that it’s fine. Nelle comes to the door. Sonny says he doesn’t want to see her, and doesn’t want her near his family. She says there’s something he needs to hear that will change everything. No, it won’t. Because what Carly is angry about is Sonny keeping it from her for so long, not whether or not he slept with Nelle.

Laura calls for a taxi. Tracy wants to get the painting back to US soil asap. Laura can’t get the crying out of her head, and how the monk said there would be dire consequences. Tracy says let’s just get out of here. A young girl watches from around the corner in the hallway.

Jake knocks on Franco’s door.

Ava says she doesn’t know what it is or why it was found. Dante says it’s Morgan’s lithium, and she says she doesn’t know. He says they were lovers, and asks if she can’t offer some insight. She says they hadn’t been together for almost a year. She says he was at The Floating Rib the night of his death, and maybe he left them there. She has no other explanation. She knows how painful it is, but can’t give any answers. She tells him to check with Mac and Felicia, or their cleaning service.

Nelle reminds Sonny of the night they spent together. He says it was the worst mistake of his life, but he doesn’t remember any details. She says there’s a reason for that.

Jax says sorry. Carly says don’t be. They kiss some more.

On Monday, Jake asks why Franco doesn’t want to be friends any more, Carly doesn’t want to stop, and Sonny tells Nelle she came to the wrong place for absolution.

Quotes of the Week

While his wasn’t my type of humor, yet one more legend has been lost. I say, ye, Don Rickles, comic pioneer.

You can’t study comedy; it’s within you. It’s a personality. My humor is an attitude.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can’t please everyone. But when you’re different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.

I have no idea what I’m going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.

🎰 And also, a nod to Jasper Jax, who dropped this pearl of wisdom today:

People do terrible things for good reasons, but it doesn’t excuse their actions.

🌜 Something to soothe your soul as you wait for summer…

PeterMax-outside-lands-2013-official-poster

Outside Lands, 2013, official poster, Peter Max

 

April 6, 2017 – Nelle and Anna Know It All, Potomac Movers and Shakers & a Coupla Macaroons

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Kiki wonders why Ava isn’t ready for their mani/pedi. Ava explains she’s still shaken up from the robbery. Kiki asks some questions, and Ava fills her in. Ava says they took something she doesn’t want anyone else to have.

Dante looks at the evidence bag with the pills in it.

Anna tells Valentin that they’re tryst meant something to her, like it did to him. She apologizes and takes his hand. She says she’s given him a lot to digest, so she’ll go. He asks her to wait.

Lulu is getting ready for her visit with Charlotte. She’s on the phone with the case worker, who obviously has some bad news, and gets cut off. Griff comes by, and she says Valentin is sabotaging her visit with her daughter.

Carly tells Bobbie she’s had so much bad news, she needs to process it. Bobbie asks if she wants company, and Carly says she does. She tells Bobbie that Jax is in town, and that Lady Jane passed away. Even worse, he’s the one who paid for the kidney. Geez, she barely took a breath in between those news gems.

Nelle meets with Jax at Perks. He says she’s wrong about Carly. He says she never contacted Nelle’s father about finding a kidney for Josslyn. He did.

Valentin says that Anna can’t just walk out like there’s nothing more to say. Anna says he must be furious, but at least he knows she wasn’t just stringing him along. She says he believes it was just manipulation on her part, but she knows it wasn’t, and doesn’t know how to convince him. She wonders what he wants from her, but he doesn’t know.

Lulu tells Griff the visit was postponed until tomorrow. He asks why, and she says the case worker practically hung up on her. She’s convinced Valentin is behind it. Griff says Valentin loves to play games, and Lulu thanks him for his support. Griff tells her that Valentin is dangerous (like she didn’t know), and he doesn’t believe Claudette committed suicide. Lulu says no man who could shoot Nicholas point blank should be a father. She runs off, and Griff tells her not to do anything stupid, which is like telling fire not to burn.

Michael meets Sonny, and tells him about Lady Jane. Sonny asks if Josslyn knows what happened with Nelle, and Michael says yes. Sonny wants to see her, but Michael doesn’t think it’s a good idea, since she’s hoping he and Carly get a divorce. Sonny says she might get her wish.

Bobbie can’t believe Jax never told Carly about the kidney. Carly says she’s disappointed, but doesn’t want to be a hypocrite – she would have done anything to save Josslyn, and a part of her feels grateful.

Jax tells Nelle that he thought because Frank had connections, he could help, but never knew he was going to use his own daughter. Nelle is like, did you think he was going to ask random strangers? Jax says he was desperate, and didn’t ask too many questions. He tells Nelle how sorry he is. He hopes she realizes she should be angry with him and not Carly. She tells him to stop lying for Carly.

Kiki asks Ava what was so important, and Ava says they took her charm bracelet. Kiki tells her that she’ll get it back. Ava says she just doesn’t like being without it, and sometimes evidence gets lost. She says she won’t relax until she gets it back, and Kiki says she’ll wait it out with her and go along to the station.

Dante meets with one of the perps who robbed The Floating Rib and his lawyer. He shows him the pills, and asks where the guy got them from.

Sonny tells Michael about he and Carly being asked to be Scout’s godparents. He says they agreed, but Carly made it clear that she wants to end the marriage. Michael says he wants to check in on her. Sonny knows how he must feel. Michael doesn’t like it, but he loves them, and will support them no matter what.

Michael leaves, and Griff sees Sonny. He says Sonny looks like he needs someone to talk to. Sonny tells him that it didn’t go well with Carly. He doesn’t want to get into it, and Griff says he’ll keep Sonny in his prayers. Sonny says he’s not sure prayer is going to be enough.

Bobbie asks Carly if it changes how she feels about Nelle. Carly says Frank selling a piece of his daughter is a terrible thing, but it doesn’t give her pass. Carly says she played the perfect part, slept with Sonny, and waited for the perfect moment to blow up everyone’s lives. She’ll never forgive her for that.

Nelle thinks Jax is lying. He says when he first met her, he thought maybe she knew his part in finding the kidney, and then realized she didn’t. He asks if she didn’t notice how his attitude changed toward her, when Carly was welcoming from the start because she didn’t know anything. Nelle says her father told her what happened, but Jax says that he can prove that Frank was lying.

Anna says perhaps she and Valentin could give each other another chance, so they don’t have to be enemies moving forward. Someone bangs on the door. Lulu bursts in, saying that Valentin’s little game isn’t working. She asks if Anna is there to arrest him, and says he’s not screwing up her relationship with her daughter.

Ava asks what Kiki’s news is, and Kiki tells her about registering for nurse’s aide classes. Ava says it’s a step up from the MetroCort. Kiki says she likes feeling like she’s helping people, and Ava says they’re lucky to have her. Kiki tells Ava that she’s learning a lot in the psyche ward, and is hoping to work there permanently. Ava says she doesn’t remember Kiki being interested in that, and Kiki says she is now. She wants to understand what happened to Morgan.

The perp wonders why Dante is asking about the pills, and says they’re not his drugs. Dante says they were his brother’s, and there’s no reason the pills should be there. He wants to know how they ended up with the other stuff. Dante tells him that this is his chance to make a difference, and maybe a difference with the judge. He asks who the pills came from. Like the perp took attendance. What is amusing though, is that Ava was the only one asked for her name.

Before Griff moves on, Sonny suggests that he say twenty prayers. Sonny is about to leave, when Bobbie comes in. He says he knows what she’s thinking, but she says she doesn’t. She knows he loves his kids and Carly, but every time, Carly ends up being the one who gets hurt.

Michael visits Carly. She thanks him for being there for Josslyn. Michael tells her about running into Sonny. He asks if they’re getting a divorce. Carly says she can’t think about it right now. She and Jax have been discussing something important about Nelle.

Jax shows Nelle a copy of the cashed check. He says Frank insisted on a personal check; he probably wanted to use it for blackmail later. He explains that Carly thought the kidney came from Jake. Nelle insists that her father never saw any check. Jax shows her the copy on his phone. I have to agree with Nelle here that this would be an easy thing to fake. I don’t see how showing her a picture of a signature would be enough to convince her of anything.

Sonny tells Bobbie that in his defense, he was grieving, but he never wanted any of this to happen. Bobbie says she understands more than he realizes, and grief takes away the ability to reason. What she doesn’t understand is why he didn’t warn Carly. He says he wishes he had, and she says her too.

Ava suggests pediatrics, but Kiki wants to understand how Morgan spun out of control so badly. It’s a place to start, and she wants to help. It’s also about doing something worthwhile. Ava wants to see her continue to move forward, but Kiki says everything she learns makes it more puzzling. She spoke to a doctor who was struck by how fast it happened. Morgan’s moods went out of control within weeks. She wonders how his medication quit so completely and quickly. Ava tells her she’s not going to get an answer.

The perp says he doesn’t talk to cops. Dante asks if he’s going to throw away his chance. The lawyer says only the DA can make that call. The perp says he’s no snitch and he’s not helping. Dante tells him good luck with prison. He gives the pills to an officer to get prints and DNA.

Sonny gets a text and jets out of Kelly’s.

Lulu insists that Valentin is playing games with her visitation. Anna says he knows where to find her, and gets the hell out of there. Valentin doesn’t know what Lulu is talking about. Lulu says the visit was canceled, and he says this is the first he’s hearing about it. He looks at his phone, and says Mrs. Watkins had a family emergency. Lulu says he could have created the emergency. He tells her that she’s so self-centered and entitled, he doesn’t need to cause a problem for her. Lulu says maybe he did it, maybe not, but he kept Charlotte from her for years and no child is safe with him. She will get custody. He tells her to that it’s the same, tired argument, and asks what if they talk about something different, like Nelle? Lulu is the worst. She’s actually the one I think shouldn’t be around children. I’m also finding it hard to believe that visitation would be canceled because the case worker had an emergency, but it is Port Charles.

Nelle tells Jax that after the surgery when she was sick, Frank said he was waiting for the money and everything would be okay. She would be able to go to the school she wanted to. Then he disappeared for a few weeks, telling her that he had a great opportunity he had to take. When he came back, he said Carly never paid him, and it was an illegal transaction, so there was nothing he could do about it. She wanted to call Carly herself, so she found his address book. That’s when she saw it. She suddenly sits down, saying omg.

Valentin says he understands that Lulu introduced herself to Nelle, and that Nelle knows now that Lulu is trying to take Charlotte away from him. Lulu says the truth will come out to the court. Except for Nina, everyone in town hates him. Lulu says that Anna knows what he’s about, and Valentin says she’d be surprised what Anna knows.

Anna runs into Griff. He asks if everything is okay; he knows that she was searching for answers. She says she found them. It turns out she did do all the things that Valentin accused her of.

Michael says that Nelle’s story was true, except it was Jax, not Carly, but Carly says it’s not that simple. She understands how Frank’s lying could affect have affected Nelle, but she got twisted with revenge. Knowing Carly should have changed her opinion. She ruined all their lives, and Carly can’t get past Nelle using Morgan’s death to manipulate her. Everyone is sounding a bit entitled today.

Nelle says she believes Jax. Jax wants to make it right, but she wants to be left alone. He gives her his card, and tells her to call him. When she’s alone, Nelle says she did what her father wanted. She made Carly suffer. She made Carly hurt and hate her forever, and it was all a lie. Tears roll down her cheeks.

Kiki says she can’t forget about Morgan, and of course has questions. She asks why Ava is so upset, and Ava says she just wants what’s best for her. Kiki says working in the psyche ward is best. Ava gets a text to come to the station and identify her belongings. She tells Kiki to go to the salon without her; it’s going to be a non-event. She apologizes for snapping at Kiki. Kiki says she needs closure about Morgan.

Sonny goes to the station. Dante says it could be nothing, but something strange turned up in the robbery evidence – Morgan’s prescription bottle.

Anna tells Griff that it’s a long story, and she’ll tell him later. He says he’ll see her at her appointment tomorrow. They hug.

Valentin tells Lulu that if she has any future problems, to contact child services. When she gets outside, Lulu says it sounds like Nelle could be on her side. Although I’m not sure how she would get that from the conversation. Oh, maybe it’s that self-centered, entitled thing again.

Valentin recalls what Anna said and how she took his hand. Please, no.

Michael sees Nelle on the bench, crying.

Jax tells Carly that he told Nelle everything. He says she didn’t want to believe it at first, but something clicked. She had memories she didn’t want to share, but it hit her hard when she realized she’d been lied to her entire life. He asks if it changes the way Carly feels about Nelle, and Carly says not at all. He asks if it changes how she feels about him.

Sonny tells Dante that he’ll get the name of whoever had the pills. Dante tells him not to get involved. He’s having them analyzed for DNA and prints. Ava overhears.

Tomorrow, Jax asks Carly’s forgiveness, Michael tells Nelle that she can’t take it back, and Elizabeth asks Franco if he’s lying.

🏛 Trying to catch up with The Real Housewives of Potomac, and caught tonight’s rerun encore performance. The highlights were Ashley winning a dance contest for charity – or as Karen put it, “humping for a cause.” Apparently, Ashley has grown on Karen, which compels me to tell Ashley to run. Robyn and her ex main squeeze ex-husband guy she divorced, but is living with, have downsized, and now (horrors!) own a townhouse. Karen is also in the market for a new home – she wants us to know she’s “resizing, not downsizing” – and I thank God, my lucky stars, and the heavens that I’m not her realtor. The looks on the real estate agents’ faces as they show houses to her are priceless, and alone worth watching for.  (Yes, I know that was a grammatically terrible sentence – and I was an English major.)

🍰 Tonight, the kids on MasterChef Junior were mastering macaroons. Every single cookie looked fabulous, but unfortunately the pink lemonade ones – which sounded heavenly – were overcooked and crumbly. One boy attempted maple bacon macaroons, but I probably don’t have to tell you how that turned out. He definitely gets props for being bold though.

gordonramsay

April 5, 2017 – Anna Remembers & the NYC Wives are Back

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Anna tells Valentin that she remembers everything.

Scotty asks Ava what the crisis du jour is. She tells him that she got the pills from Lucy, but just after the transaction, the thieves snatched the pills. The PCPD has them, and today is the first day of the end of her life.

Lulu chases down Dante at the station. She reminds him that it’s the first supervised visit with Charlotte today. She tells him that she made a new friend – Nelle.

Sonny sees Nelle at Perks, and tells her she should be more careful.

Josslyn tells Michael that Jax is in town.

Carly tells Jax that Nelle got it in her head that she gave Frank money for a kidney. Jax says he’s the one that did.

Ava tells Scotty that just when she made the deal with Lucy, the masked morons came in, demanding everything. Scotty tells her don’t claim the pills. Ava says she’s not an idiot, but they’re going to wonder why Morgan’s pills are showing up after his death. Ava thinks they should steal the pills back.

Lulu tells Dante that she told Nelle about Valentin keeping Charlotte from her. She was just telling the truth, and Nelle was listening. She brings up Nelle asking about Michael. Dante tells her to hold off on her hustle. Using Nelle could blow up in her face.

Anna asks Valentin for a drink. She says they have vastly different memories, and Robert pulled some strings. She met with an expert on memory loss, and she’s been suppressing some things. She’s beginning to remember. She says he’s right. She manipulated him out of classified information that she sold to the DVX. She says she learned that she was a victim too.

Michael tells Josslyn he’s always here for her. She thinks Jax is staying for a while, and that Carly is getting a divorce. Michael says whatever happens is up to Carly and Sonny, but Josslyn says it’s really Carly’s decision. She says that Sonny isn’t responsible for Morgan’s death, but he is responsible for sleeping with Nelle. She says Nelle was Michael’s friend, as well as hers.

Nelle tells Sonny they’re out of each other’s lives. He says she must have made one hell of a sales pitch. She says she doesn’t think she would have gotten the job without Bobbie. He says she did what she came for. She says he and Carly do what they want, and don’t care about anyone else. He says she’s talking about herself, and she says she learned from the master – his wife. Or is it ex-wife now?

Jax tells Carly that when he realized they couldn’t find a legitimate donor, he called Frank and offered him a million dollars. He says he had no idea that Frank would sacrifice his own daughter’s kidney. Carly says this explains why Jax wanted her to drop the search. He says he didn’t know Nelle was Frank’s daughter, but Carly says it doesn’t matter, and asks why he didn’t tell her.

Scotty tells Ava that he won’t do it; he’s out. Ava says he’s in. She doesn’t think Sonny will appreciate what he’s done up until now. Who knows what she might blurt out when Sonny scares her? She says he probably won’t kill Scotty, but Scotty will likely spend time in jail. If he doesn’t come through for her, she doesn’t see a bright future for him.

Lulu promises Dante that she’ll focus on the visit, and getting to know Charlotte. Even if she finds a use for Nelle, she’s going to need more than that.

Michael tells Josslyn that he was hoping Carly and Sonny would last this time. He tells her neither one is perfect. Josslyn says Carly would never cheat. He says Sonny lost their only biological child. He thought he killed his own son, and they can’t imagine how he felt. Michael says it’s not so black and white to him. Josslyn says that’s how she feels about Nelle.

Sonny tells Nelle that what she did to Michael and Josslyn was the worst. She says she’s genuinely sorry about it, but he says she doesn’t think about anyone but herself. She says she’s the only victim, and he says she sounds like she’s proud of it.

Jax tells Carly that he didn’t know Nelle was Frank’s daughter, so he thought he’d let it go. Carly says he should have told her from the start. He says she would have stopped him, and he had to save their daughter. Nothing else mattered, and the thought didn’t cross his mind that he’d hurt Carly. He says his sins are coming back to haunt him. He asks if she can ever forgive him. He says it doesn’t seem real. Carly says it was wrong for a whole bunch of reasons. Jax says Nelle was able to hurt Josslyn.

Michael tells Josslyn that Nelle can’t get out of her own way, and is someone she shouldn’t be around. Josslyn says a part of her still likes Nelle, and she thinks Michael does too.

Nelle tells Sonny that Carly took what she needed and never looked back. It didn’t matter whether she lived or died, but he turns a blind eye to her selfishness – or admires it. She says they deserve each other, and can suffer side by side. He says the one who’s going to suffer the most is her.

Anna tells Valentin that she was forced by Faison to hand over the secrets. Valentin asks what Faison has to do with it. She says they were in an antagonistic relationship for years, and Valentin adds that Faison was obsessed with her. Anna says it was part of his plan to compromise her; reveal her as a traitor, and she’d have no one else to turn to. Valentin isn’t buying it. He says she can pretend it never happened, and asks why she’s there. She says she remembers. Valentin asks to tell him something personal then. He wants the truth, and to know she’s not making it up.

An officer is tagging the evidence. Scotty acts like it’s old home week and he’s looking for Dante. The officer says he’ll be back, and Scotty goes into the evidence room like he belongs there.

Lulu shows up at Ava’s place. Ava says it’s unexpected. Lulu says she was hoping Ava could help her with something that concerns Nicholas. She tells Ava about the hearing, and says she can’t let Valentin keep her daughter. Ava agrees. Lulu asks if there’s anything Ava can tell her, something they’ve overlooked that could help her against Valentin. Ava says everything she knows is in her statements. She warns Lulu that Valentin is more than willing to kill anyone who crosses him.

Anna talks about being caught in a downpour going to a drop sight. She saw Valentin, and asked what he was doing. He pointed out a statue of the patron saint of prisoners, and they ended up holding hands. He says she took his hand. She looked into his eyes, and they were sad, so she took him to the hotel across the square and asked if he wanted to stay the night. She says they were together. Valentin asks what he said after – that he’d been with women before, but always paid for them, and it was the first time he’d made love.

Carly hates that she let someone hurt her family, and Jax says that Nelle did. Carly says she blames him too. Hopefully, Nelle got her revenge, and they can move on. She doesn’t know how she feels toward Jax. She understands that he did what he did because he loves Josslyn, but he left them wide open for a load of damage.

Valentin tells Anna that he was monstrous, and no woman wanted to sleep with him. Anna says she did, but he says he paid dearly. She says she was supposed to have him killed. He found the note the next morning with her orders. Valentin thought he could throw himself on his superior’s mercy, but he knew they’d never take his word over hers. She said she left the note on purpose, so he could get away. She was relieved when he was gone, because she didn’t have to follow through. She asks if he thinks she couldn’t have finished the job. She asks why she stalled. Valentin says he doesn’t know why she does anything, and is beyond caring. She says she liked him; she appreciated his brilliance and kind heart. She let him go because she knew he’d get away from her and whoever the WSB sent. She couldn’t follow up on that kind of betrayal.

Ava tells Lulu that Valentin took something important from her when he took Nicholas. She says that Lulu has to find Valentin’s Achilles heel before he finds hers. I would think for both of them, it’s Charlotte.

Dante finds Scotty in the evidence room. Scotty says that Dante almost gave him a heart attack, and Dante says he’ll try harder next time. Scotty claims he’s there for a client. Dante says their perp isn’t his client, but Scotty says he is. Dante takes him out, and the guy sitting there says he has public defender, and it’s not Scotty. Scotty says it must be a mistake. Dante’s phone rings. He says the public defender got held up in court. Scotty is all, exit stage left.

Michael tells Josslyn that he doesn’t really want to talk about Carly. He says they should admit they need each other. Josslyn says he always takes care of everyone, and who takes care of him? He says she does. He stupidly leaves his phone on the table.

Carly thanks Jax for the truth. He apologizes for it not being sooner, but she says there’s probably nothing they could have done. She talks about Sonny’s ultimatum, and says she doesn’t do well with those. Jax leaves.

Nelle tells Sonny that she’s building a new life, and he can’t scare her. He says he’s happy for the both of them. He doesn’t have to deal with her or get his hands dirty. He says Valentin won’t give a damn that she’s a kid. She says Valentin has been nothing but kind. Sonny says that if she pulls something, he’ll get rid of her and not care about her story, and that works for him.

Ava asks if Scotty got the pills. He says no, but he didn’t see them in the evidence room. He’s almost 100% sure. Ava says that’s not possible. Scotty says sometimes evidence goes missing; sometimes things like jewelry watches, and prescription meds just disappear. He says today is her lucky day.

Not quite. In the evidence room, Dante takes out the bag with the pills.

Valentin says if Anna let him go, it was out of pity. She asks him to remember the way it happened, and he’ll know. That night meant something to her the way it did to him. She takes his hand. No-no-no-no-no-no-no. Just no.

Michael gets his phone back. What was the purpose of this business? He calls Carly, and tells her he dropped Josslyn off at the end of the driveway, because she didn’t want to disturb anybody. He says he heard about Jax, and hopes she isn’t getting hopes up. Sonny walks into Kelly’s, and he’s like, what? Michael says he thinks Jax is staying with Carly.

Carly tells Josslyn she was worried. Josslyn says she had lunch with Michael and didn’t want to bother her and Jax.

Jax sees Nelle, and tells her that she’s wrong about Carly.

Tomorrow, Sonny grills Michael, Lulu isn’t okay, and Carly tells Bobbie that it was Jax.

The Real Housewives of NYC

So glad to see the ladies from my old stomping grounds back on the air. This season, Tinsley Mortimer joins the group. She was arrested for stalking an ex-boyfriend, so she should fit right in.

Sonja puts some plastic fruit in the dishwasher. Dorinda spends four dollars on two waters, and asks if the profit is four dollars. Fredrik Eklund visits Bethenny. She has her Tribeca apartment back, and thinks he might be able to sell it. No surprise, they disagree about the price. Fredrik does his victory dance in advance.

Dorinda meets Luann at the park. We can’t call her The Countess anymore. They discuss Luann’s upcoming wedding. In her interview, Luann tells us that her compatibility with Tom is magic. Only Dorinda is invited to the wedding, since she wants to avoid drama. We flash back to one of my favorite moments. Please don’t let it be about Tom; it’s about Tom. Luann complains to Dorinda about the other women. In her interview, Dorinda says it’s hard to get past the group being fractured, and we flash back to some nasty reunion moments. She hopes they can get past it as a group, but she’s not sure about Sonja. She’s been attacking Dorinda behind her back. Dorinda says it’s not going to end well.

Sonja is rehearsing Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man, a book that’s been made into a play. The director gives her some acting tips. It’s her final performance. Dorinda and Luann haven’t seen it, and Dorinda wonders if Sonja is trying to be relevant. Sonja’s also been chatting with an ex-girlfriend of Tom’s.

Ramona is redecorating and updating her apartment, and meets with the contractor. She has no plan, and says her place reflects that, which doesn’t exactly sound positive, but she’s not known for her turn of phrase. Except maybe “turtle time.” She asks the contractor if he has any single friends, and he actually has someone in mind. She tells him to pass along her number. He’s better than an app.

Bethenny and Fredrik go to the Tribeca apartment. Bethenny says when she first saw it, it was in bad shape. We revisit her crying over it. She says it seemed like a flophouse, making me wonder if this is the same woman who could barely pay her rent when this show started, since flophouse is a huge exaggeration. The apartment has been staged for showings, and Bethenny is thrilled. Fredrik is still trying to talk her into a lesser price, but she won’t budge, especially since there’s a private parking spot. In NYC, that alone is worth millions. Fredrik says it would be a record for the area, and she says she’s broken records before.

Carole and Adam are still together. Dorinda comes by for a visit. They have two new kittens! They’re seeing who gets along with Baby Carole’s dog. Carole says she feels like she’s living in a petting zoo. With three pets? That’s hardly a menagerie. Carole says that she and Adam are shacking up, because she thinks living together sounds too serious. Dorinda thinks Carole is in denial about the seriousness of her relationship. She says they’ve had a similar life in a lot of ways. Carole says she’s never been called a mean girl before, and Dorinda apologizes. Dorinda says she was nervous about coming over, and feels badly about them getting off track.

Dorinda tells Carole that she’s skipping the bachelorette stuff for Luann. She says John dancing around drunk would be more entertaining. I’m not so sure about that. Even if you’re not into male strippers, I’m sure the food will be phenomenal.

Bethenny visits Sonja, who has a cute dog and a new intern. Bethenny is picking up a donation for Dress for Success. Sonja shows her around, and Bethenny asks about Sonja’s daughter, who’s in boarding school. Sonja wants to sell the house, but she has attachments. They discuss Sonja’s play. She says she didn’t invite Luann, since she’s Tom absorbed. Bethenny thinks she should send Luann a fruit basket for taking out the trash. Sonja says she’s invited to the wedding but she’s going to be elsewhere. Bethenny says ditto. Hmm… I thought Luann said they weren’t invited?

Luann is at Tom’s amazing penthouse, and calls her wedding planner. She says her first wedding was in a courthouse wearing jeans, so she’s going all out this time. She’s carried the Countess torch for a long time, and is ready to put it down.

Sonja has tons of stuff for Bethenny. She gives Bethenny the stories behind her dresses. In her interview, she says it’s hard for her to give away clothes. Instead of being cleansing, it’s more like an enema. The purple dress is from when she dated Prince Albert of Monaco.

Bethenny explains how she ended up with two new puppies. Cookie is getting on in years, and Brynn has been asking for a puppy, but she couldn’t choose. She gets an email from Frederik with an all cash, full asking price offer on the apartment. That was quick. He tells her to call the bank and tell them to make room in the vault. She says slowly but surely, the pieces of her life are coming back together. The apartment has been a money-pit for the last four years. More like Jason Hippity Hoppy has been a money-pit.

Dorinda comes for a lunch date with Ramona, and has to wait for her to get back from her real date lunch date. They’re having lunch at Ramona’s apartment. She tells Dorinda that she’s starting to warm up to John. We flash back to sleazy, sweaty John, and Dorinda says there’s hope. Ramona says she’s seeing Luann tomorrow, and wonders why she wasn’t invited to the shower, since she’s always been the peacemaker. She thought they’d gotten past some things, and her feelings are hurt. Dorinda says she thinks Luann feels like Ramona conspired with Bethenny. She thinks Ramona should talk to her about it, but not be aggressive. Ramona says Luann is wondering what she knows about Tom, and she does know something. She doesn’t think Luann really wants to know though. She tells Dorinda about Luann hitting on a much younger guy, and finding out from the guy’s mother. She thinks Luann is going to get hurt, but Dorinda doesn’t want to hear about it.

Carole visits Bethenny. The puppies are super cute. Their names are Biggy and Smallz. Bethenny tells Carole about selling the apartment. Carole says she’s never seen the apartment, and Bethenny says she never will. They discuss the election, and Bethenny says that’s all Carole talks about 24/7. Bethenny says she’s in a vortex like a cat lady.

Luann meets Ramona for lunch. In her interview, she says Ramona has been calling Tom’s old girlfriends. She thinks Ramona should get a life, and stop concentrating on hers. They make small talk. Luann talks about the bridal shower, and Ramona asks why she wasn’t invited. Luann says she’s heard through friends that Ramona has been playing Nancy Drew, and being negative about her and Tom’s relationship. Ramona says people come to her, and asks if Luann wants to know. Luann says she doesn’t know what Ramona is talking about. Ramona starts talking, and Luann interrupts, asking if she’s talking about Tom meeting with an ex-girlfriend in California. She is, but says that the ex said they’d been making out and could have done more. Luann isn’t believing it, and says she isn’t listening to the fodder anymore. Ramona says she should be honest with herself, and she should tell Tom to reel it in, since the town is smaller than he realizes.

Ramona toasts to their marriage, and hopes Luann doesn’t fall on her face. Luann is like, thanks a lot, and Ramona says she doesn’t want Luann to get hurt. She says she wishes Luann every happiness, and Luann tells her to quit playing detective. In her interview, Luann says there’s a heart of gold in Ramona, you just have to dig for it. She tells Ramona that it’s going to be a special year.

Next time, Tinsley is introduced, Dorinda accuses Sonja of spreading lies, and Sonja confronts Luann about Tom.

NYC

 

 

April 4, 2017 – Jax is Back, Alex Loses Custody, the Party Continues in Beverly Hills & Some Observations

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Carly finds Jax in her living room.

Tracy and Laura catch a couple of the monks trying to sneak out with the painting. Tracy says the painting is hers, but Laura says the painting is her. She thinks Tracy’s father must have bought it because it reminded him of her. Tracy says the monks were lying to them.

Hayden has a nightmare about Finn’s detox. When she wakes up, he’s coming out of the shower. He says last night was like an out-of-body experience. He can’t thank her enough for standing by him. She brushes him off, and he asks what’s the matter.

Andre asks Elizabeth how Jake feels about seeing a psychologist. She says he doesn’t hate it, but he’s not overly enthusiastic. She’s concerned about him shutting down if pressed about the island.

Jake finds Franco. He wonders when Franco is coming back, so they can finish their timelines.

Sam and Jason look at the footage from the gas station. Sam gets an alert about Julian’s credit card being used because she’s next of kin. She wonders if Julian is actually alive. I’m not positive about this, but I think if you’ve been declared dead, the credit card company will cancel your account. How is Sam getting alerts because she’s next of kin?

Amy 2.0 is at Kelly’s, speaking to someone on the phone about an outfit she’s putting together. Dillon interrupts her and asks if she’s that Amy.

Franco tells Jakes he has to work, but Jake can finish on his own. Jake says it’s not the same, and complains about having to see Andre. He asks if Franco can stick around. Franco says he wishes he could, but he can’t today. Jake is obviously disappointed.

Jason says Julian could be charged as an accessory, so if he was alive, he’d leave town. Sam says he’s probably right. Jason leaves for whatever he does, and Sam looks at the surveillance picture of a hooded guy.

Carly tells Jax that it’s been a rough few weeks but seeing him makes it better. Jax says he heard they caught Morgan’s killer, and Carly brings him up to speed. She says it’s a resolution, but now there’s no distraction. She tells him that he didn’t have to come all this way to check on her, and he tells her about Lady Jane dying, and that he wanted to tell Josslyn in person. She asks if he’s okay, and he says he doesn’t think it’s sunk in yet. Carly wants to go to Josslyn, but Jax says he thinks she wants privacy right now; they can both check on her later. Carly says when they were married, she felt more like a daughter to Lady Jane than an in-law. Jax says she’d always hoped they’d try again.

Tracy says the monks weren’t honest about the painting. She says why should she believe they don’t speak English, and she wants answers now. Another monk pops out and says she’ll receive them. Tracy asks if he’s in charge, and tells him that she was lied to about the painting. Laura asks if he knew J.L. Holt. He tells them about a man asking for asylum. He offered to compensate them, giving them artwork. The only painting he refused to part with was this one, because it reminded him of his daughter Tracy. He says the resemblance is amazing. She tells him they were estranged, and he gives her a letter that might explain things.

Finn wonders why Hayden is backing off, but there’s a knock at the door. It’s Curtis. He tells Finn he looks better, but it’s going to be tempting to get a quick fix to ease the pain to come. He tells Finn to stay strong and stay hydrated. He’s brought lunch, but Hayden says she has to go to work. Finn tells her that he couldn’t have done it without her. He moves in for a kiss, but she gives him a peck and leaves.

Andre tells Jason and Sam that they all have to be on the same page. Jake is his patient, not them, and it’s up to Jake what he wants to tell them about the sessions. He asks about their Helena concern. Elizabeth tells him about the timeline, and his time with Helena being blank, and then the scarecrow showing up later. Jason says they don’t know if it’s a memory or symbolic. Andre says not a detective, and it’s going to take time and patience.

Nathan goes to Sam and Jason’s place on official business. He tells Sam that Julian’s credit card was used to purchase a one-way bus ticket to Los Angeles. He asks if Julian ever talked to her about a plan to skip town.

Dillon says it’s Lord of the Rings Amy. He says he’s thought about her over the years, and talks about a Rings Q & A session that he went to. He says when he was going to ask a question, he thought of her, his high school friend, the only one who liked the movies as much as he did. She says she’s thought about him too. They’re planning a reunion, and Amy wants to get started brainstorming. Kiki walks in, and Dillon introduces them.

Jake wants to know why he can’t talk to Franco instead. Elizabeth says they don’t think it’s the best idea right now.  Jason tells him part of growing up is doing the right thing, even if it’s hard. Jake reluctantly goes in to his appointment.

Sam says if Julian had a master plan, he wouldn’t have told her. Nathan wonders about Lucas, but Sam says that’s’ a no. Nathan says whoever bought the ticket either found or stole Julian’s card. He wants to talk to Alexis, but Sam says she doesn’t know anything. Nathan says she might know something she doesn’t realize. AS soon as he’s gone, Sam picks up the phone.

Jax says sorry to hear about Carly and Sonny. He says Josslyn seemed to think they’re divorcing, and asks what happened. Carly says that Sonny’s grief drove him to sleep with another woman, and he lied to her for months. Jax says he can’t see her reaching the breaking point over a one-night stand. She saysit’s  not that he cheated, but who he cheated with.

The monk tells Tracy that her father wasn’t sure he’d see her again when he wrote the letter. Tracy opens it. Edward says he has many regrets about their relationship and how it turned out. He hopes this will rectify things. He says he was angry when made the changes to his will, and intended to add her back in, but there wasn’t enough time before he had to flee. He found the painting, and it reminded him of her strength, character, and heart. He tells her that if he doesn’t make it home, this gift is proof that in his heart, she’ll always be his little girl. This is his inheritance to her, and hopefully will prove that he loves and forgives her. Now she has to forgive herself. He’s sure she’ll know where best to put the painting.

Kiki asks if Amy and Dillon are film geeks, but Dillon says aficionados. Kiki doesn’t see the big deal about it, and Dillon says her loss. Amy says she has to get going, and Dillon says to text him. He says he’s glad they found each other again, and she says her too. Outside she gets all teary. She gets a call, and says it was like something from a movie until his beautiful girlfriend walked in. She thinks Kiki is wrong for Dillon, since she doesn’t even like Game of Thrones. Seriously. What’s wrong with her?

Dillon tells Kiki he thought he was co-chair  for the reunion with someone he’d never met, but he’s glad it’s Amy. Kiki talks about her volunteer work, saying she picked her boss’s brain, but she still has questions. She says she just signed up for a training course to be a nurse’s aid, and they’ll see where it goes from there. They start to kiss, but Franco interrupts.

Tracy tells Laura that she didn’t think her father forgave or trusted her. Laura says nothing would have stopped him from loving her, and he was proud of her. Tracy wants to take the painting home, but the monk says he can’t let her do that.

Sam tells Alexis that she’s booked a hotel overnight for her, so she can get away for a minute. When she hangs up, she says, sorry, Nathan isn’t questioning Alexis today.

At the hospital, Elizabeth asks Hayden how Finn is. Hayden says fine, but Elizabeth says she doesn’t sound like it. Hayden says she doesn’t want to talk, but Elizabeth says she’s the only one who knows what Hayden is going through.

Finn thanks Curtis, who says to thank Hayden, who got him involved. He says she clearly thinks a lot of him. Finn says she wouldn’t even make eye-contact this morning, and it seemed like something scared her off. Curtis asks if he remembers anything, and Finn asks what he did.

Hayden shows Elizabeth the bruises on her arm from where Finn grabbed her. Elizabeth asks if she thinks it could happen again, but Hayden says it was totally the coming down. She tells Elizabeth that bruises heal, but she’s concerned that Finn was able to zero in on her insecurities. Elizabeth says she can’t take it personally, and that she went through that with Lucky. Hayden asks how they bounced back, and Elizabeth says they didn’t. Instead, Lucky bounced all the way to Europe. She tells Hayden that Finn’s journey is far from over, but she has one of her own and it’s okay to make herself a priority.

Kiki asks Franco if it can wait. He says no. He’s having feelings, and needs to deal with them now. He feels like he can help Jake, and doesn’t want to be the reason that Jake turns out like Franco.

Andre asks if Jake likes action figures, and brings out a box of them. Jake takes out the scarecrow and wicked witch from The Wizard of Oz. Andre tells him to tell a story. Jake says in his story, the scarecrow and witch are friends.

Hayden comes back to Finn’s room. Curtis has left, and Finn jokes that in the last five minutes he hasn’t used. Hayden says they have to talk, and Finn says Curtis filled him in. He says he’s sorry he was physical with her. She says he scared her, not just physically, but emotionally. He said some harsh things that he doesn’t remember, but she says the thoughts must be in his head. She says he has a long road ahead, but she can’t walk it with him.

Tracy says the monastery has no claim to painting. The monk says her father never returned. The monastery is having a difficult time; there are too many people and too little money. They have a private buyer for the painting who’s willing to give them $20 million. It’s enough to fund the abbey and their charitable works for many years. Laura says it’s a good deed and an inspiration. Tracy says, hell no.

Carly tells Jax the Nelle story. She says she could forgive Sonny if he’d told her the truth. Jax wonders why Nelle would set Sonny up, and Carly says that Frank Benson was Nelle’s father. Jax looks disturbed, and we already know where this is going. Carly tells him that Sonny played her right into Nelle’s revenge. Jax says he’s sorry, and it’s all his fault.

Laura reminds Tracy that she’s in a monastery. The monk says he understands that she has emotional attachments to the painting. Tracy says she could no more give up the painting than a piece of her heart.

Hayden tells Finn about what he said to her. He says it was the drugs talking, but she says it was the truth. She knows what the town thinks about her, and convinced herself that he was the exception. She gives him a list of rehabs. He says he doesn’t want help from others, just her. She says he needs help from someone he trusts, and made it clear that it’s not her, and walks out.

Jake asks to use Elizabeth’s phone while she and Jason talk to Andre. Andre tells them that Jake is a private kid, and it’s going to take a while. He says Jake is sensing tension between them and knows that his time on the island is at the root of it. If they want him to open up, they need to make peace and make sure they’re ready for the truth.

Franco thinks Jake has darkness buried inside. Kiki says he has to respect that Jake isn’t his son and it’s not his call. Franco’s phone rings. It’s Jake, who tells him it was weird, and he wants to finish timelines. Franco says his mom or dad should help him finish it.

Curtis drops by to see Sam. She tells him about the credit card, and he asks if she thinks it’s Julian. She says if there’s even a remote possibility that he’s alive, Alexis will hang on to it. They need to find out who used the card.

Carly says nothing is Jax’s fault. He tells her he made the deal for the kidney.

Tomorrow, Anna bugs Valentin again, Carly asks why Jax didn’t tell her, Sonny tells Nelle to be more careful, and Lulu tells Dante she made a new friend.

If Loving You is Wrong

Travis tells Kelly to turn the car off, and she tells him to get out. He grabs her by the hair, and tells her to turn it off. She does. Wow. This guy’s personality sure has changed. He grabs Kelly, pulling her into the back seat. She asks him why he’s doing this. He says he tried going on with his life, but she wouldn’t let him. She says she didn’t know he was like this. Us neither. He asks why she was at the police station, and she keeps telling him to get out. He tries to put his hand up her skirt, and she whacks him a good one.

Travis says he can make her feel good. Then he tells her she’s sick, and gets out of the car. She locks the doors, and gets back in the front. She sees him watching as she pulls away.

Randal visits his mother at the hospital. Louise says she’s been worried sick about him. He tells her he’s sorry, and she says it’s all right. Louise asks if they hurt him, and he says he’s fine. She asks how he got away, and he tells her the FBI came. Louise says that Marcie called them; she’s worried about him. This confuses Randal, but that’s probably not too hard. Louise says they’ve both made mistakes and they have to forgive each other. Randal says he can’t forgive her. When he looks at her, all he sees is her and Brad in the shed. Louise says he did the same thing with Alex, and she’s the one who sent those people to the house. He says they’re all dead now, and she says, thank God it’s over. Randal says it’s not, as long as she’s hurt. She says she’s fine and that the both of them did this. She’s not standing for it; it’s time for him to let it go. Those words aren’t in Randal’s vocabulary, and he says it’s just starting. He tells her that he’ll see her after the hearing. Louise can’t believe he’s still after the baby. He says he’ll be back with her grandson, and she says after all this, it’s not enough. She supposes she’ll be going to a funeral. She tells him she loves him, and he leaves.

Doctor Ross introduces herself to Marcie, and confirms her pregnancy. She’s twelve and a half weeks along. Dr. Ross asks if her husband is excited, but Marcie says she can’t believe it. She’d had fibroids and the doctor said it was less than 10% of a chance. Marcie is concerned that she’d been drinking, but the doctor says so far, everything seems normal. She says that Marcie doesn’t seem happy, and Marcie says she’s got a lot going on. She says Marcie should be happy after all the time and effort she’s put into it.

Back at the apartment, Marcie tells Brad to stop with the cold shoulder. He says that he needs time to process everything. She says she’s sorry for going to the police, but he says it’s not that. He wants her to stop antagonizing Alex; she’s been through too much. He saw her screaming for her child and saw her parents get killed in front of her. He asks how much more she has to suffer. Marcie can’t believe he’s coming to Alex’s defense, and he says she doesn’t know him. She wonders how long he’s going to punish her for making a mistake, and he says that’s not what he’s doing. Marcie says he still loves Alex, and Brad says she still loves Randal, so stop giving him a hard time about loving Alex. Marcie says that she told him to go back to her, and not to punish her for falling in love with him. Oh, no, just no. She says she didn’t mean to. She just wanted the pain to go away and for Alex and Randal to pay. She says she knows he doesn’t feel the same way, but he says he does. He says she’s made it clear she doesn’t want him though. She says she didn’t, but when she’s with him, she’s happy, and he makes her feel alive and cared for. He makes her feel strong and safe. He says that’s not love, but she insists it is. She asks what they do now, but Brad doesn’t know. I’m confused. Do they both love two people or was that first part just a cover-up for their real feelings?

Natalie sits by Joey’s bedside. The doctor says he’s looking much better, but Joey says he doesn’t feel better. He wants to know about Faun. The doctor says she left already and she’s fine; she was only grazed. He says he’ll be back later.

Lushion joins them. He asks how Joey is doing, and Joey says better, now that he found out Faun is okay. Natalie says she’s going home, and she’ll see them later. Lushion says he’ll let Joey res,t and leaves with Natalie.

Natalie tells Lushion she’s relieved and tired. She says they have to get their move on, since the apartment has been rented. Lushion realizes that she went off on the landlord, and she says they never fixed anything, so she told them to stick the apartment.

Officer Rick asks Esperanza what she knows about Kelly. She asks if he’s interested in her, and he says no, and points out Travis sitting on a bench in the station. He says that Travis just made out a complaint that Kelly is harassing him. Esperanza says he’s lying, and that Kelly isn’t a psychopath. He says okay, but she doesn’t like the tone of his okay, and says this is crazy.

Esperanza calls Kelly, and leaves a message to call her back. Rick tells Lushion about finding a dead body – Ramsey – and that he was stabbed to death. Lushion asks if there are any leads. Rick says no, but they think it’s a crime of passion. Rick tells him that he’ll have the keys later, and Lushion asks him not to say anything to Natalie. Rick asks if Kelly is the type to harass a man, and Lushion says no.

Esperanza calls Kelly, but Kelly says she can’t talk. Essie tells her that Travis is filing a restraining order. Kelly says she still has to file hers, and Essie tells her do it quickly or it will look like a copycat thing. She asks Kelly what’s wrong, and Kelly says nothing. She tells Essie she’s sitting outside Justice’s school and his science project is ruined. It’s been squashed into oblivion by Travis. She tells Essie she’s embarrassed. Lushion calls Kelly, and she says she’ll call Essie back.

Lushion asks Kelly if Travis is still bothering her. Kelly asks why. What I want to know is why Kelly isn’t letting anyone know what’s going on. Lushion says he needs a favor, and tells her he’s sorry about Ramsey. He asks her to keep the murder from Natalie. He says she won’t move in if she finds out, and they’ve already put the money down. I guess Natalie never reads the paper or listens to the news. Kelly says she won’t say anything. Lushion thanks her, and says he’ll be her next door neighbor soon. They hang up, and Kelly cries in her car. She drives away.

Steven calls Lushion into his office. Eddie is already there. Steven says he just finished Eddie’s report, and needs a witness. Lushion says he didn’t hear what Eddie said. Eddie goes over how they saw Andrew’s car, but no Andrew. Lushion starts to say something, but Steven says he has this. He asks Eddie why the window was shot out, and Eddie says he doesn’t know and makes some nasty remarks. Lushion says he doesn’t get it, and Eddie calls him Mr. FBI. Lushion tells him to quit trying to deflect. Steven wants Lushion to sign it, but he says get someone else. Steven tells him he’s the subordinate, and Lushion says he doesn’t care. He says this idiot – pointing at Eddie – did something to Andrew. Eddie threatens to bring hell back to his doorstep, and when he says Natalie’s name, Lushion gets crazy. Steven is like, whoa, and Lushion says he’s not signing. Steven tells Lushion to go.

Steven tells Eddie that he’s hotheaded and unreliable. When something goes wrong, he wants to kill everybody, and it doesn’t work that way. He tells Eddie to forget about Lushion being FBI. He says he’s over doing what they’ve been doing, and he wants something big – Escada. Eddie says can’t touch him, but Steven says that was his old man. Julius Junior is a hothead like Eddie, and he’s going to slip up. Eddie says this is too big of a decision for Steven to make, and he wants nothing to do with Escada. Steven asks if Eddie is cool with Julius fooling around with Esperanza. Eddie waits a beat, but says he’s cool. Steven wants to set something up. If Julius doesn’t cut them in, they’ll take him down. Eddie asks if he’s lost his mind. Steven says he wants a shipment, something big. Eddie works the streets, and somebody knows something. If they make this move, Lushion is either fired, transferred, or shot. Eddie says to let him pull the trigger, and Steven says him first. Eddie goes back out to the main office.

Lushion and Eddie have a stare down, but eventually get back to pretending to work.

At the hearing, Alex hasn’t shown up yet. She runs in the door, and the judge tells her to sit. He asks if she has counsel, but she says she can’t afford an attorney. He says the father claims that the child is in danger in her home. Alex says he isn’t, and Randal says he was kidnapped. The judge tells him he’ll get his turn. Alex says he was, and the judge is like, by your parents? She says yes, and says she was outside, and they broke in and took him. He asks what’s to stop them from doing it again, and she says they’re dead. The judge is surprised that the report is less than 24-hours old, and Alex tells him they were killed by the FBI. He mentions that her father was a racist, and she says that’s not her. Well, you’d think this would be a given, since obviously she had an affair with Randal. The judge reads out loud about Alex’s mother dropping the baby into a lake infested with alligators. He becomes more astounded as he reads, which is making me laugh. He says when he read it, he thought it must be an exaggeration, and Randal says it happened. The judge wonders how he can allow the baby to go home with his mother, and Alex says he’s her son. The Judge says that’s no guarantee of safety. Alex insists that she won’t let any harm come to him. The judge continues about how Brad threatened to kill Randal and that he can’t allow a child to be with Alex’s husband. She says they’re separated, and Randal says that Brad was at the house earlier.

Alex begs for the judge to listen. She says she’d never allow harm to come to her son. He says that he understands, but does she? She says her husband saved the baby. The judge says that proves they’re still in contact, and rules in Randal’s favor. Alex says he’s not the biological father.

Next time, Kelly’s baby daddy’s mother pays a visit, Randal isn’t letting anything go, and Natalie tells Kelly to pull the trigger.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Did they run out of material? We’re seeing a retrospective of the season. I concentrate on the earrings I haven’t noticed before. We begin where we ended last week, with Dorit saying that LisaR is unpredictable, and she doesn’t know what Lisa is capable of.

Meanwhile, back at LisaV’s Diamonds and Rosé Party, Dorit grills LisaV and PK as to whether she’s ever said that LisaR has a drug problem. In her interview, LisaV wonders which LisaR we’re getting tonight. Silly chit-chat happens. LisaR makes snarky comments about LisaV in her interview, which makes me not like her.

On the other hand, Eileen says she’s softening toward LisaV, and realizing she has feelings and a heart. This isn’t exactly endearing, but an improvement. Dorit has some kind of gold leaf in her hair, and LisaR says that it looks like a gold goose took a crap on Dorit’s head. I’m forced to laugh and agree, even though I don’t want to. Of course everyone looks fabulous, and so does the food, and the décor, and everything. Kevin Lee is rocking a tapestry rose patterned suit, reminding me of the purple paisley suit my friend Tommy wore to my wedding. Camille is here! Kim shows up too, and she looks the best I’ve seen in quite a while. She gushes over being a grandma, and of course, has pictures.

LisaR says Eden didn’t back her up on the Hong Kong trip, which is fine, but she doesn’t trust her. She tells Eden she’s “confused,” and wonders why Eden didn’t step in and say that Lisa doesn’t have a drug problem. Eden says she kind of shut down. Eileen says not saying something makes things worse. Quick, let me write that down. In her interview, Eden says that LisaR has awkward, evil energy. That’s one way to put it. I’d probably just say she’s an a-hole.

Erika is wearing a pink wig and a black cat suit, adorned with faux diamonds. They sit down to dinner, and LisaV toasts to everyone, thanking them for coming. They’re serenaded by some guy with a guitar. Aww! The ponies have faux diamonds and pink bows in their manes. For all I know, they might be real diamonds.

Dorit tells Kim about LisaR’s behavior at the Hong Kong dinner. She talks about Lisa asking if she trusts her husband, and suggests that Lisa is projecting. Kim says that Lisa is erratic and mean; exhibiting vicious behavior and then regret. In her interview, Kim says Lisa spins things and turns them around so she’s the victim.

The ladies discuss having babies over dessert. LisaV comes by with some fancy caviar things on a long, thin tray. The ladies visit with the ponies, who also have glitter on their hooves. Everyone is dazzled. Erika gets on the swing. LisaV asks if she has underwear on. <sigh>

Everyone mingles outside as the guitarist plays. Kim talks to LisaV about the Hong Kong dinner, and asks where it ends with LisaR. Kim says it isn’t her problem, but she’s been there. Well, it wasn’t that long ago. We spy LisaR, and LisaV suggests Kim talk to her. Kyle wants to know where the escape route is. LisaR is reluctant to approach the group.

Erika dares LisaR to mingle with Kim. Lisa tells Eileen that Kim said she’d heard things. She figures that it must have to do with what she said about PK. Eileen calls Kyle over, and tells her to bring Kim.

Eileen tells Kyle that she thought they were done with this. Kyle says it’s about what LisaR said about PK. PK says they’re all lying liars who lie, and Dorit tells LisaV there’s tension in the air. Dorit thinks she needs to join them, and Lisa says she’ll go with her. I love how arguments between two people always turn into a group effort.

LisaR asks Dorit what she needs to say. Dorit says that Lisa was mean-spirited in Hong Kong, and wants to know where it came from. Lisa says Dorit was saying she had a Xanax problem. Eden gets dragged in, and Dorit says she never said that Lisa had a problem. LisaV says that LisaR put it out there. In her interview, Erika says no party is complete without a catfight. Eden says Dorit asked her if LisaR had a problem, and we flash back to their conversation. LisaR says there it is! like she’s just found Excalibur.  Dorit says her extreme accusations weren’t nice. Lisa says those were her observations, and LisaV says she doesn’t think so. Kim says she’s gone after a pretty long list of people. In her interview, LisaR takes no responsibility for anything, and owns nothing. She insists she tells the truth, and tells Dorit she’s all over the place. Dorit say she never had an issue with her. Lisa gets in her face, and Dorit tells her to take a step back; if she can smell Lisa’s breath, she’s too close.

LisaR asks why Dorit didn’t call her and talk to her. Dorit asks why she would, since Lisa acts like a nutter. Lisa says, no, you. Dorit brings up the dinner again. Lisa tells her that what she did to Erika was disgusting. Dorit says she made every attempt to right things. Erika says she called her cold, and Dorit says she is. Erika says if the shoe was on the other foot, would she warm up to the other person? Dorit says she would, and Erika says tha’s not a normal response. Dorit says Erika has been called cold by other people, and LisaV says that Dorit apologized. Erika claims she didn’t, and we flash back to when she did. Erika says she’s grateful, but she doesn’t remember. Dorit “reminds” her of insisting she make PK apologize as well. Erika says she’s done nothing, but Dorit talks sh*t about her. Dorit says Erika doesn’t know who she is.

PK joins the group. He’s the Peter of Beverly Hills. Erika asks if he’d ever said she tried to seduce him. He says no, and says he’s not appreciating watching his wife get ganged up on. He calls Erika inherently cold. He says that Dorit made a joke, and then she apologized, so at what point is it over? Erika says Dorit always has ugly things to say, when she’s been nothing but nice. PK says she’s delusional, and Erika says they haven’t been nice to her. They get stupid, and go back and forth because he calls her honey. Everyone stands around and watches.

Eileen says that Erika isn’t cold. In her interview, she says she can’t imagine Vincent being so “inherently” rude and classless. PK says he didn’t think Erika flashed him on purpose, and Dorit says neither did she. Kyle asks if he thinks Erika was coming on to him, and he says no. Dorit says the only time it came up, is when Eileen brought it up. PK says he doesn’t get it. Eileen tells everyone to stop, and PK leaves. Erika tells Dorit she wants to be friends and let it go. She says it was embarrassing for her. Dorit says if either one of them thought she was that person, they’d never have invited her anywhere. Erika says the underwear thing hurt her feelings, and Dorit apologizes again.

Under the tent, LisaV says she feels like she can’t come to Dorit’s defense without getting bothered about it. Ken makes an inappropriate joke.

Erika says it’s nice to see Dorit being authentic. She wants to have a genuine connection, but says it will be slow. They both say they’re good.

Eden feels that she and LisaR have gone up and down, but Lisa is never present in the friendship. LisaR says that once Eden talked to LisaV, her guard went up and they were done. Nice of her to let Eden know. Eden says she’s given LisaR her energy and heart, and she doesn’t even know her. For her to say they’re done because of that is the worst, and she’s tired of being used as Lisa’s scapegoat when she’s been there for her. Snotrag Lisa says she didn’t ask Eden to be there for her. Eden is yelling and really upset, and says God forbid that Lisa should be there for her. If Lisa says “wow” one more time, I’m going to scream.

Eden storms off. In her interview, Eden can’t believe that she and LisaR were still talking and even going on vacation together, and Lisa didn’t let her know they were done. LisaV follows Eden. Eileen thinks that Eden felt dismissed by everyone. Erika bids everyone good night. Eden tells LisaV what happened. LisaV says she doesn’t need to be loved by everyone. Erika says she’s protective, but everyone has seen she’s human.

LisaR doesn’t take responsibility for anything, but wishes Eden well. In her interview, Eileen says she shouldn’t assume that when she wants to clear the air, that everyone else does too. Lisa says that her words aren’t always appropriate, but there’s always truth in them. I don’t suppose she’ll ever get that being honest doesn’t mean just saying whatever pops into your head.

This was the finale, but there were no interesting what they’re doing now things. With the exception of Erika coming back to The Young and the Restless, and doing Dancing with the Stars. However, there were some worthy parting words. Ever the optimist, LisaV tells us that love and laughter will supersede all, even with this group. And Kyle thinks that if everyone would take more time to get to know one another before judging, they would realize they have more in common than not.

Amen, sista, but next time is the reunion. All those hearts and flowers are going to fly right out the window.

A Few Observations

🍑 Is it me or are the Atlanta Wives on more than the others?

💋 On Little Women: LA, the Briana/Matt saga goes on, this time with Briana’s best friend Lisa telling the ladies that Matt drunk texted her about a dream he had involving the two of them. Lisa tried to tell Briana, who only got upset that Lisa didn’t tell her sooner. Oh, for the love of all that’s holy, dump that guy already. There were more fabulous earrings, and Terra explained the different types of dwarfism very well. They don’t know about D’Artagnan yet. We also found out that one of Elena’s twins has her type of dwarfism. She’s upset about the ladies choosing the taller brother later in life, but Preston thinks they’ll both wow the girls.

🍸 Southern Charm will be starting a Savannah edition on Monday, May 8th at 10 pm. Do we need this? I already don’t like the people as much as the ones in Charleston, but maybe they just took me by surprise.

🌟 I was thinking about my fascination with reading recipes, looking at pictures of food, and watching cooking shows, and came up with my own quote: Those who can’t do, read about it.

 

April 3, 2017 – Good-by Lady Jane, Hello Southern Charm, Vanderkids Reunite & a Sweet Comment

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

So when is Faison getting back to Port Charles already?

Michael finds Larry in his office. Larry claims that he thought it was Tracy’s office.

Laura and Tracy arrive at the monastery in Turkey.

Jason makes a psyche appointment for Jake. Sam is impressed. She asks if they’re moving forward with their other idea, but Jason says it’s not up to him. Sonny arrives, and makes a cute, dimply smile.

Carly tells Josslyn that she’s been distracted. She says she’s been in her own world, and Josslyn asks if her world includes Sonny. Carly says that Sonny has always loved Josslyn, but Josslyn thinks they should divorce.

Someone watches Alexis from outside Kelly’s. She steps outside and sees Jax.

Laura thinks they should find somewhere to sleep before they lose daylight. Tracy wants to find her painting first. She’s concerned that Larry might be a step ahead of her. Two monks pop out, babbling in Turkish. Laura tells Tracy that it’s Turkish for trouble.

Larry says he was looking for the minibar, but Michael says there isn’t one. Larry asks to be pointed in Tracy’s direction, but Ned interrupts saying, no you don’t.

Jax sits down with Alexis. She wonders if it’s a happy coincidence, and apologizes for how she behaved last time. He asks if she’s in recovery. She says she had a relapse, but she’s on the wagon today. He gives her his condolences about Julian. She says she feels him everywhere, and he asks if she wants to talk about it.

Sonny asks what’s up, and Sam says Jason will explain. She tells him Jason has something personal to ask, and to think hard before he makes a decision. Jason tells him they want him to be Scout’s godfather. Isn’t he already a godfather? Ha-ha! They’re also asking Carly to be her godmother.

Carly tells Josslyn that when you love someone, you can’t just turn off the feelings. Josslyn tells her that she’s worth a hundred Sonnys, and to stop messing around and get a divorce. Now tell us how you really feel.

Alexis tells Jax about Olivia-J forcing Julian’s hand, but she doesn’t think anyone else believes he was sincere. Jax says she loved him, and that’s all that matters. Sam walks in, and Jax tells her congratulations on the new baby. He says he has to be somewhere, and leaves. Sam asks if Carly knows he’s in Port Charles.

Carly tries to change the subject, but Josslyn isn’t having it. She says Carly can at least get started with divorce proceedings. Carly says it’s not that simple, but Josslyn says she’s just pretending it is, so she doesn’t have to do it. Carly says it’s painful and complicated, and she has a life with Sonny. It’s going to affect other people, including Josslyn. She says she’s not getting a divorce yet, and Josslyn asks what if Sonny thinks differently?

Sonny tells Jason that if anything should happen to them, he’ll make sure Scout is taken care of. Jason asks if including Carly is going to make him uncomfortable. Sonny wonders if they’re thinking this could bring them back together.

Tracy asks the monks if they have any food, and Laura asks if she wants to star in her own version of Midnight Express. Laura tells Tracy to let her do the talking. While Laura discusses things with the monks, Tracy looks up, talking to Edward. Laura tells Tracy that they’re not getting kicked out after all.

Larry tells Ned there’s nothing to worry about, and Ned says there is with him. He says he has a good friend in the state department; one wrong move, and Larry is back home. Larry says he has the opportunity of a lifetime, and Ned says he’s not getting anywhere near Tracy. Michael tells them that she’s not in yet. Larry says he’ll wait, and Ned says he will too. Olivia-F, who I didn’t even notice was there, introduces herself, and Ned tells Larry that she’s his fiancé.

Michael congratulates them, and Olivia shows off the ring. Michael says he’ll have his assistant track Tracy down, and Olivia goes with him. Ned tells Larry let’s hear it. Larry doesn’t know whether to toast or eulogize him.

Tracy and Laura are shown to a room. Tracy balks at there being only one bed. The monk says something, and Laura says they’re not to leave the room. Women are only allowed there for worship, and services are over for the day. She adds that she told them they’d give a small donation, and Tracy owes them 2000 lira. Tracy wonders where the painting is, but Laura says they claimed not to know about it. She thinks when things quiet down, they should explore.

Sam tells Alexis that she can talk to her, but Alexis feels that she’s cried on Sam’s shoulder enough. Sam says she saw Jason many times after she lost him. Alexis says she got another phone call and heard the noise again. She wonders if she’s going crazy. She says she can’t shake Julian, and can’t seem to let go. Sam sums up what death on a soap is all about – without a body, she can’t believe he’s gone.

Jason tells Sonny that he and Carly have their support no matter what. There’s a knock at the door. No surprise, it’s Carly.

Josslyn starts to leave the house, and finds Jax on the porch.

Ned wonders how Larry could have a problem with Olivia-F, but he says it’s not the choice of partner, it’s the institution itself. Ned says Edward and Lila worked out, but Larry says they were the exception to the rule. Ned says he’s looking to the future, and isn’t repeating his mistakes. Olivia listens from the hallway. Larry tells him about good intentions paving the road to hell, and says no leopard can change its spots. Ned tells him that he and Olivia are honest with each other. He says she’s an extraordinary woman, and makes him want to be a better man. Larry says it does sound like he’s in love. Ned says he’d hoped Larry would be happy for him. Larry says he let the love of his life slip through his fingers. Ned tells Larry how happy he is, and Larry approves. Olivia smiles.

Laura says it’s not a vacation; it’s an adventure. Tracy says she’s more comfortable in a board room, despite what her father thought. Laura says her father admired her and talked about her all the time. He said she was treacherous, duplicitous, and ruthless, and everything he needed to run ELQ. She could be his greatest adversary, but also his best friend. She was his greatest accomplishment.

Sam understands that Alexis can’t move forward without proof. She’s already started investigating.

Sonny asks Jason if it’s a set-up, and Carly says she’ll come back. Jason tells her to stay right there, and explains about asking them to be godparents. Carly says of course she’ll do it. She says it’s about Scout, not them. Sonny says they can come together for that, even though their lives are apart.

Josslyn asks Jax if Carly called and told him about her and Sonny. He’s clueless, and she tells him they’re estranged. He says he needs to talk to her. He has bad news about Lady Jane; she’s passed away. He tears up, and says he’s sorry. They hug.

Laura tells Tracy that Edward thought of her as his heir apparent. Tracy says he disinherited her twice. Laura says she thinks he was afraid of her, but for all of his bluster, he wore his heart on his sleeve. It was clear that he saw a bright, capable woman, who wouldn’t just supplant, but surpass him. Tracy wonders what she’s doing here. Laura asks why it’s hard for her to accept Edward’s love. Tracy says he never said he loved her, and Laura says he was stingy with the words because they were valuable to him.

Michael brings in champagne. Ned makes a toast. Michael asks Olivia-F if she’s moving in to the Quartermaine mansion, but Olivia says they haven’t discussed it. Michael says living with the Quartermaines can be difficult. Olivia says difficult, but rewarding.

Laura tells Tracy that if the trip is going to bring up bad memories, they can scrap it. She can forget all about it. Tracy says good idea, but when they open the door, they hear crying. Tracy says it sounds like a woman, and Laura says they’re the only women there.

Alexis asks Sam if she has a lead. Sam says the call might not have been from Julian. If Julian was worried about criminal charges, he’d get as far away as possible. She tells Alexis that it’s difficult, but not to get her hopes up.

Carly says it’s settled; they’re godparents. Jason thanks them. Carly says what if Sonny had said no, but Jason says there was no plan B. He figured they’d put aside differences for Scout. She leaves, and Sonny follows. He tells her that they need to talk. She says they did, and he said everything she needed to hear. He walks away.

Josslyn tells Jax that her grandmother sounded like she was doing better. She wishes she’d been there. Jax says her grandmother wanted her to remember her the way she was. He says she died in her sleep, and it was peaceful. Josslyn asks if he was there, and he says he was. He says it was sad for him, but she had an amazing life, full of people who loved her. Josslyn was one of the brightest lights in her life. He gives her a letter from her grandmother. She doesn’t want to read it right now. They talk about missing her.

Sam gets back home. Jason says Scout has her godparents, but he’s not so sure about Sonny and Carly getting back together.

Sonny tells Diane to clear the afternoon. He has something for her.

Sam tells Jason that she doesn’t think Alexis can let it go until they can prove Julian is gone. She shows Jason the footage from the gas station camera. He says it could be Julian, but a lot of guys fit that description. Sam gets an alert that Julian’s credit card was used.

Outside Kelly’s, Alexis makes plans to meet Molly for lunch. A hooded figure watches her.

Ned asks about Tracy, and Michael says he’s sure she’s on her way. Ned says she gave her blessing, but that’s before Olivia turned him down the first time. Larry says that Tracy is a pussycat, and Ned says he’s had too much to drink. Larry thinks she’ll be distracted by his proposal. Ned says she’s best resist his scam, but Larry insists he has the deal of a lifetime for the both of them. Michael gets a message, and tells them that Tracy chartered company jet for going to Turkey. Larry does spit take.

Tracy and Laura catch the monks trying to sneak out with the painting. Tracy tells them that she’s Edward’s daughter, and the painting is hers. They uncover the painting, and it’s a portrait of Tracy, during the period when she wore braids on top of her head.

Jax and Josslyn look at photos and reminisce. She asks about a hat that her grandmother is wearing, and Jax says it’s hers. Her grandmother would want her to have it.

We see that the episode is in memory of Barbara Tarbuck. She played Lady Jane on GH, and passed away recently.

Tomorrow, Jason talks to Andre about Jake, Nathan asks Sam if Julian has a plan to leave town, and Tracy wants answers now.

Southern Charm

Thomas brings Landon a flower. Then walks her dog with her. They sit on a park bench. She asks what he thinks will make him happy. He says a partner in life. He thinks they should take a chance. Yuk! But they deserve each other. This could also be a deceptive scene.

Patricia looks up Pug Chauncey’s horoscope.

Shep is scouting the bars, looking for his credit card, which he lost the night before. Cameran calls him a moron, and he says he knows.

Cameran can’t find Craig. She thinks he’s embarrassed about having to admit he didn’t finish law school at the reunion. Well, he wasn’t that hard to find. He’s in his yard building…something. Carpentry is his new hobby, along with gardening. Instead of going out on the weekends, he’s been buying new power tools. He still has plans to study for the bar, but Cameran says no one is holding a gun to his head. He tells her that he wants to be able to say he finished something that he started.

Thomas says his life has taken a transformative change. Kathryn failed a drug test, and now he has the kids. They’re living in the guest house because “kids are messy and destructive.” If they spit up, he wants it to be on a $200 rug, rather than a $30K rug. No comment. Kathryn can’t see the kids until she passes a drug test. What is it? Weed? Please. Or something else? Thomas says his least favorite part isn’t poopy diapers, but concern about their future, especially if something should happen to him.

Shep meets his friend Austen. Austen is already chatting with a couple of girls. They talk about the summer. Shep traveled a lot. He asks if Austen knows Landon, and says that he wants the truth about if she slept with Thomas. We flash back to Landon’s confession of love for Shep. He says it’s the South, so they’re just sweeping that under the rug. The girl Shep had been talking with is leaving, but he can’t remember her name, so no phone number. Austen tells Shep that she’d already given him her number.

Is Austen a new cast member? Omg, he’s telling us all about being newly single, and we see his nakey butt getting into the shower. It’s not a great view, and nobody needs to see this. He He’s originally from Maryland, and tells us that he actually has a job – as a beer company rep. He gets paid to drink and talk about beer. This is a real job? He flashes back to his parents telling him that he needs to support himself. They actually work too.

Whitney visits his mom, who’s doing a needlepoint of Chauncey. She has a new buzzer instead of a bell. She calls for Michael, the great martini maker, and they order drinks. Whitney tells her about a trip he took to Mexico, where they didn’t do any drinking, an just smoked weed. Patricia gives him a lecture, and brings up Kathryn, so that answers that question. In her interview, she seems sincere in hoping that Kathryn turns her life around. I think what Kathryn needs is rehab from Thomas. Patricia tells Whitney about an Uncle Philip, who went from a government job to working at Blockbuster because he smoked too much weed. It reminds me of one of those old, laughable PSAs.

Landon goes paddle boarding. And promptly falls off. She tells us that her life was a complete mess last year, and we flash back to some of that. She’s annoyed about the Thomas affair gossip, because her reputation is at stake. She spent the summer traveling, and now it’s time to face the bullsh*t again. Craig calls, and they talk about an upcoming pool party. She doesn’t think she and Shep are cool, even though Shep says they are. She’s bringing a friend named Drew, but when Craig asks if they’re dating, she avoids the question. Omg, she’s thirty-five. Seriously, is it me, or are people more immature today?

Thomas plays some polo with Eliza, the daughter of one of his close friends, and she keeps calling him grandpa. He’s too stupid to be insulted. She invites him to a party on Sunday (is this the pool party?) and he tells her that she should invite Kathryn. She tells him that she got a weird text from Kathryn, and she’d been kicked out of where she was living. She says she became friends with Kathryn before all this happened, and Thomas thinks it’s going to be a long road. Eliza says Kathryn needs Jesus. No doubt in my mind.

Shep meets Cameron at a beachwear shop. They’re looking for new suits for the party. She asks who he’s bringing, and he says Austen. Cameron asks if Austen is replacing Craig, and tells him she’s bringing Chelsea. She thinks Chelsea might be the mystical unicorn who changes Shep. They talk about Craig. Shep thinks the bar is over for him, since it’s been three years. In his interview, Shep says he’s over Craig and trying to help him. Cameran says that Craig is insecure. Shep says he’s from a family that’s basically jocks, and he wrote a cookbook. He’s not like them, and decided he wanted to be like a Southern bon vivant, and trying to be something he’s not. He wonders if Craig lies to his girlfriend. He says there’s no way Craig is cheating on her, and gives a funny analogy about Craig trying to get some, involving monkeys and whorehouses.

Kathryn calls Craig as he’s driving with girlfriend Naomie. She says she’s trying to get her life back on track, and living with her family in the meantime. She says she’d like to see them. Naomie has to get back to school, but Craig says he has time. In his interview, he admits his life has been calmer without her. We flash back, but none of the angst shown is actually Kathryn’s fault. Kathryn says it isn’t public knowledge that she’s back. After they hang up, Craig feels weird that they’re on their way to Landon’s house. They agree not to mention the call.

The guests start to gather for the pool party. Cameron says it’s 150 degrees and immediately puts on her bathing suit. I often think I wouldn’t mind living in Charleston, but then I remember how freaking hot it is there. She says Craig has promised to retire the Speedo. Shep introduces Austen as his protégée, but Austen says he’s a younger, better version of Shep.

As soon as they arrive at Landon’s, Craig tells her about talking to Kathryn. She pretends not to care that Craig is still friends with her. She says it’s a red flag that Kathryn went to rehab so far away and she couldn’t see her children. Um…it’s possible that there were reasons for that. Craig says sober Kathryn is awesome, and they talk about the kids. Landon says she can’t even go to lunch with Thomas without someone saying something nasty. In his interview, Craig says it doesn’t matter if they actually hooked up, Landon and Thomas were having an emotional affair, and it hurt Kathryn. He goes to say that an emotional affair can be even worse than a physical one, and I stare open-mouthed at the TV, because Craig is being so incredibly perceptive.

The pool party is in full swing. Cameran is drinking something called Frozé, which sounds God awful. In his interview, Thomas says that all the talk about them widened the gap between him and Landon. Ew! JD shows up and I don’t like him. Thomas chats with Landon about the summer. She thinks she can hear people talking behind her back, but I don’t hear them, so I don’t know if she’s just being dramatic. What annoys her most is that even if she had been with Thomas, it’s not like he and Kathryn are together. Did I just hear Thomas say that Landon has BO?

Whitney arrives. Everyone seems to be getting reacquainted, so I guess they don’t see much of each other in the summer. If it’s that hot when it’s not summer, I’d be gone too. In her interview, Landon says that Shep hasn’t reached out to apologize or anything, but in true Southern fashion, she acts glad to see him when she wants to tell him f-u. I’m not sure what he’s supposed to apologize for. Not returning her affection?

Thomas acts like an idiot per usual, urging the female guests to go topless. Shep talks to Naomie on the porch. He thinks Craig should do something unconventional, like being a chef. He doesn’t think Craig really wants to be a lawyer. He asks about Craig’s application to the bar, but Naomie says he should talk to Craig. Shep says he refuses to make himself vulnerable when that’s what friendship is about. What happened to these guys that they’re suddenly so astute? He tells Naomie that she’s the best thing that’s happened to Craig.

There’s a waterslide and beach balls and floaties and all kinds of fun stuff. Kathryn’s cousin, Shelby (there always has to be one), is there, and word has it, Kathryn is coming. Shelby says she’s worried about Kathryn, and had to ask her to move. I guess her place is where Kathryn was given the boot. She says Kathryn completed the program, but doesn’t seem any better.

Naomie tells them about the phone call, and says Kathryn sounded great. Thomas says she won’t take another drug test, and thinks it’s because she’ll fail. Cameran says she has respect for him stepping up for the kids. Ew! JD says he keeps thinking Kathryn is going to walk in wearing a ballgown, and make a statement.

Meanwhile, Kathryn goes to an appointment for a drug test.

This season, lots of drinking and parties, a toast to the bourgeoisie, Kathryn and Shep do yoga, Patricia presents an Indian psychic healer, Naomie asks Craig if he wants to be a lawyer and he tells her she’s being “dumb,” Austen hooks up with Shelby, Kathryn joins the group again, Jennifer is still around, and Shep tells Craig that if you mess with the bull, you get the horns. I can’t even believe anyone says that.

Vanderpump Rules – Reunion Part One

Reunions are tough to recap because everyone always starts talking at once, or even better, screeching at once. They should put in subtitles, or a flow chart in the corner.

Andy introduces Lisa as the Empress of SUR. No, Andy, she is the Queen of the World, She Who Can Do No Wrong. Introductions are made, and we find out that Stassi went on the honeymoon with Katie and Schwartz. Thank God Tom has gotten a haircut and those ridiculous highlights are gone. Scheana has a fresh cut too, and it looks amazing.

Jax is up first. Omg, Andy forgot to introduce Kristen. He remembered because of course we’re going over the Brittany/Kristen debacle. Kristen insists it didn’t happen, but James believes Jax. Britanny says it was just a kiss, and that they weren’t even nakey. Andy basically asks Jax if he has no shame, and he doesn’t. Andy moves on.

The wedding is discussed. The budget issue is brought up, and Schwartz has to agree that he was delusional thinking it could be pulled off on the cheap. Ew! We revisit the butt steaks. Andy asks Stassi how it felt to be back in the friend loop and be a bridesmaid, and she says it was everything. They talk about prenups. Lisa can’t figure out why Schwartz and Katie bothered, since they had fifty bucks between them. She says Shay was a different story, although Scheana says she had nothing at the time either.

Jax and Brittany have moved. To Schwartz and Katie’s building. And their floor. Katie says she doesn’t want it to be a dorm situation, and wasn’t too happy about it. Brittany tells us the story about Jax losing his temper at the apartment management, and they basically were asked to leave. Jax says they weren’t evicted, but got “move out papers,” whatever that means.

Focusing on James. Lisa says he was a good DJ until he screwed up. They talk about James’s lack of self-control. We flash back to James spinning at World Dog Day, and reminding people to pick up their dog’s poop. Apparently, he played all his own music.

Lisa talks about World Dog Day and how successful it was. Andy says he can mark the start of summer by Lisa getting a new Porsche. They discuss Katie picking up the car, and how Katie got annoyed at Schwartz when they were at the dealer. Schwartz tells everyone one again that his penis works, and says Jax can verify that.

Next is the tragedy in Orlando, and Lisa’s decision to continue on with the Pride events. They have the coolest flashback using a filter that brings out only a few colors, Lisa’s pink outfit being the predominant one. Lisa gets emotional, and says she felt that they could either go home or stand strong, but she didn’t hold it against anyone who didn’t join in. The employees who sat it out make their excuses. Lisa says it was an incredible success, and she’s glad she made the decision. We flash back to the craziness at PUMP. We hear that Katie sent a snotty text message about the celebration, and Katie says there are better ways to show support, other than pouring alcohol down someone’s throat. Ariana says it wasn’t about them having fun, it was about the Pride attendees having fun. Andy tells everyone that Lala will be joining them, and a lot of faces are made.

We go over Lala’s tattoos. Andy asks about the feud with Katie. Katie says Lala acted like a drunken a-hole at her engagement party, and she didn’t see her after that, but Lala was talking a lot about her. Lala says before Katie ever even knew her, Katie called her a whore. She calls Katie a mean girl.

Andy wants to know why Lala said some things. He goes over some really stupid stuff that Lala has said, like calling Stassi old. He asks why Lala said that Katie and Schwartz would get divorced, and Lala says because that’s what she thinks. She finally admits that she just said stuff to be hurtful. She says if someone keeps coming at her, she gets more hurt and lashes out. She says she doesn’t get them, and James suggests they liked hating on her. Kristen says he did too, until he hooked up with her. Tom says that Lala did nothing to deserve the treatment she got, and Kristen says she trashed them on social media.

We revisit Jax almost thumping James. Tom says Jax is all bark and no bite, but Jax says he was on probation, so he had to stand down. Andy asks why James talked about Scheana having work done, and James apologizes for everything he’s ever said – almost. They talk about Lala’s comment that no one has been working on their summer bodies, and Stassi says Lala doesn’t take responsibility for her remarks.

Schwartz talks about Ariana and Tom being on Lala’s side, and Katie gets pissed off all over again. Tom says she takes no responsibility for provoking it, and it’s an ongoing thing. He says when she first met Lala, Katie was constantly giving her sh*t. He says he’s normally protective of the group when a new person is introduced, but she went on a rampage.

Andy tells Lisa that the unsung heroes of SUR are the chefs, and he goes behind-the-scenes in the kitchen to interview them. He talks about each of the girls and the chefs give their opinions. It turns out that they have quite a few opinions, even on the Brittany/Kristen thing. BTW, they think Jax is no good for Brittany. He also steals something every time he comes in the kitchen. And they like Brittany’s boobs. I’m sure Jax will be proud.

James is still dating Raquel. Andy asks about GG saying he had sex with her, which he continues to deny. Ariana claims that GG wanted to worm her way into the group, but Stassi says that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. We move on to Ellie’s claim, and the picture she had as evidence. Lisa isn’t buying that James is being honest. Andy asks if anyone believes that James didn’t sleep with GG and Ellie. James says don’t anyone rush to raise your hands when not one person does, and it gets seriously quiet. James says he loves Raquel and he’s never been happier. He talks about his relationship with Kristen being toxic, and Jax says it got him on the show. <snort!>

Stassi says that James is like GG, and he imitates Stassi crawling back to the show, literally getting down on the floor. It is pretty funny, and even Stassi laughs. Andy asks if James has been drinking today, and he says not yet.

Lisa thinks that Lala puts on a gansta image, but that’s not who she is. She says that Lala was also a great hostess, and the customers loved her. Ariana talks about how she tried to get Lala and the other girls to kiss and make up, and we flash back to that. Scheana says her apology was sincere, but Kristen doesn’t think so. Andy asks Katie about rage texting Scheana after talking to Stassi. Stassi says prior to that, everything she and Scheana had talked about was the opposite, and when the heat is on, Scheana cowers. Here comes the talking all at once. Stassi calls Scheana a flip-flopper. Katie says they tried to be honest with their feelings, and there’s more talking and loudness and finger-pointing.

Tom says that Katie exaggerated what the other girls said. Ariana says they tried to talk to Stassi about what happened and it blew up. Stassi says she was drunk AF, and we flash back to when she ran into the bathroom crying. It’s true that this group loves to bring up serious and/or important topics when they’ve all been drinking their faces off. Ariana gives her impression of Stassi. Scheana says they make her nervous, and Tom says he feels the same way; you never know what’s going to cause an eruption. James thinks Stassi is the boss and the head bitch. Tom says that Katie was emotionally vulnerable, and instead of being the voice of reason, Stassi and Kristen encouraged her behavior. Stassi maintains that the problem isn’t anyone having a differing opinion, but she doesn’t like how Scheana went back and forth.

Andy calls Brittany “Switzerland.” She says she and Scheana are super close, and she knows Scheana sometimes felt bullied. Lala seconds that, and says she’s seen it firsthand. She wants to know why it’s hard for them to back down for friendship’s sake. Katie says she mismanaged her emotions this summer, and wasn’t ready to accept Lala’s apology. Lala interrupts, but Andy says let her finish, and Katie apologizes. She says she was stubborn against Lala. She wasn’t in a good place with herself or her body image. She says what she did wasn’t okay. She can’t justify it, and apologizes.

Lala tears up and says she’s waited a long time for someone to say they’re sorry for hurting her feelings. She says her mouth is vicious, and she has to work on it daily. Tom thinks she and Katie are more alike than they know. Lala says she doesn’t hate Katie in any way of the word. Andy says headway has been made.

Thank you, Katie, for saying that you had an ugly moment, not that it wasn’t you. I don’t know if you realize how mature that is.

Next time, Reunion Part Two, Stassi’s little brother gives Jax a lecture, James gets on his high horse, Katie’s drinking is addressed, and Lala is questioned about the married man.

🐮 I’m really enjoying Sweet Home Oklahoma. The cast seems genuine, and genuinely funny.

April 3, 2017 – Agrabah is Found, Rick is Found Out & a Coupla Wives Notes

Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

Once Upon a Time

I’m not sure why, but I almost typed One Day at a Time. I must be having 70s TV flashbacks.

David paces as he processes that Hook killed his father. Emma tells him that she and Hook had a fight, and Hook left town.

The Nautilus speeds through the ocean. It goes out of control, and the crew is tossed all over the place. Nemo says they portalled into another realm. Hook says they have to go back to Storybrooke, but they need Kraken blood and Gideon used the last of it. I hate when that happens. Hook says they’re going hunting.

Jasmine and Aladdin are still looking for Agrabah. Aladdin insists it’s not there in the Enchanted Forest. He thinks they should just make a new home in Storybrooke, but Jasmine says sorry, she can’t. He tries to kiss her, and it’s a no. A ring falls out of her pocket, and she thinks the wish gave her a reminder of how she’s failed. She knows what she has to do.

Many years ago, in Agrabah, Jasmine’s father is offering a dowry, but she says there will be no engagement today. The king says he knows she wants to marry for love, but she has to think of duty; she needs a prince with an army. She says she’s already found a prince – Aladdin. Jafar pops in and says that Aladdin is a loser. He takes out a vial of sand, and tosses some of it at a potential suitor. He disappears, poof! in a puff of burgundy smoke. Jafar says the only way to save the kingdom is for Jasmine to marry him, but she says that’s not happening. He says if she doesn’t marry him by sundown, Agrabah will be destroyed.

In present time, Aladdin and Jasmine row across a lake. He reminds her that they can’t swim. Giant tentacles come out of the water, and they bat at them with the oars. You wouldn’t think this would be very effective, but an oar gets stuck in the creature’s mouth and it disappears. Hook rises out of the water on the Nautilus. He tells them to climb aboard before they get themselves killed.

David and Emma are interrupted by Regina who suggests that she, Emma and Snow have a ladies’ night out. I guess the curse is still going on because David goes home to trade places with Snow. Regina hears me and says she’s working on it.

Hook tells Jasmine and Aladdin that now he has no way to get back home, so thanks a lot. He says they could give him one of their wishes, but Aladdin says it won’t work. Jasmine says Jafar took Agrabah, but she can’t face him again. He took everything she cared about, and she’s afraid of him. She says they can’t find him anyway, but Hook says that’s not true; Jafar has revenge in his heart. He’s heard Jafar is handy with traveling between realms, and with any luck, they can all get back home. He tells Jasmine that she doesn’t have to face him alone this time. She says perhaps Agrabah has found its hero.

Emma goes through a box of treasures, and takes out a ring on a chain. Henry asks if she’s okay. Her phone rings, and she says she’s on her way. She tells Henry they’ll talk later.

Emma goes to the bar, Aesop’s Fables, and meets Regina and Snow, who tricked her into coming. Snow suggests she try an artisanal drink.

Jasmine asks if it helps Hook to stare at the sea. He says he never thought he’d live anywhere else, but every moment he stays there is killing him. He says it’s tough when the person you love doesn’t know how you feel. She agrees, and says she’s made some terrible mistakes in failing her people. She doesn’t think she deserves love. Hook says he was like that, and realized that hiding behind the guilt is the coward’s way. Jasmine says maybe she’s always been a coward.

Back in the day, Jasmine strolls through the market. A man chases a thief. She runs after them, thinking it’s Aladdin. The man takes the thief’s necklace, thinking he’s getting a bonus, and the thief turns into mermaid Ariel. Jasmine tells the man to give the necklace back to her and get lost. She gives the necklace back to Ariel, who says she didn’t have to do that. Jasmine says Agrabah is her city, and she doesn’t like guests treated poorly. I guess we’re ignoring the fact that Ariel stole something to begin with. Ariel says she’s’ looking for a prince. Jasmine asks if he has an army, and Ariel says he has a navy. Jasmine asks if she’s afraid of heights.

Jasmine and Ariel fly around on a magic carpet. Ariel looks through a small telescope, and sees her prince’s flag. Jasmine says let’s find him and save the city.

On the Nautilus, Aladdin asks Hook where Jasmine is, but Hook tells him he needs to concentrate on the maps he’s reading. Aladdin acts like he’s in middle school, asking Hook if he thinks Jasmine likes him. Hook repeats that he has to focus, but suddenly, the Nautilus is jarred. Nemo enters, saying that the Kraken’s damage was worse than they thought, and they’re taking on water. Hook says they’ve stalled. Jasmine joins them, and holds out the lamp. She says she wants to go to the island. They all disappear. No poof! or smoke or anything though.

Regina asks Emma how she feels. Snow calls out some Vikings for leaving the bar without paying. She has a wager; they play darts, and the loser pays both tabs. Emma says she knows Regina wants her to open up, but she’d rather be distracted, and this is a good one.

Aladdin wonders what the price for the wish will be. Hook has to leave, and says good-by to his brother and Nemo. He, Aladdin, and Jasmine leave to find Jafar. They’re led to a hut in the forest, and Hook says he didn’t think that Jafar would be in an off-season tiki bar. Aladdin says it looks like a museum, and Jasmine wonders who needs so many corkscrews. Hook explains the frustration of a cork not coming out of the bottle correctly. Jasmine picks up a vial of red sand that she’s seen before. They think they’re in Jafar’s lair, but it’s Ariel walks in. She tells them welcome to Hangman’s Island. She says she and Jasmine go way back, and Jasmine says she needs Ariel’s help again.

Way back when, the carpet lands. Ariel thinks Eric won’t remember her, but Jasmine says if she misses another chance, shell regret it forever. She says Ariel comes from a world that’s all water, and now she’s in the desert being all strong; she deserves whatever her heart desires.

Jasmine goes into a tent and sees Eric. He thought she changed her mind, but she says she was just scared. She tells him that she hopes he can accept her for who she is, or at least who she is in the water. He says he was bored with regular girls, and he has a love for her people, especially poached with capers. We’re all like, did he just say what we thought he did? and he turns into Jafar. Jasmine says he’s not her hero, but Jafar says it looks like he’s coming to her aid. He tells her time has run out, and she’s going to marry him.

Moving forward, Hook suggests they set the genie free if he gives them what they want. Jasmine can’t believe she’s going to face Jafar on purpose. He appears, poof! in a puff of khaki smoke. He thanks them for his freedom, and knocks everyone out except Jasmine. He wonders if things will work out better for her this time.

Ariel is up and around again, and Jasmine thinks they should look for someone with the heart of hero. Ariel says she stole something she thinks is magic. Jasmine says it’s a weapon, and it’s terrible. Ariel says she can do this. Jafar says he needs an answer. He poofs Ariel back to the sea, and threatens to destroy Agrabah. Jasmine says for the good of Agrabah, she’ll be his wife. He tells her that this is the moment she truly fails her people. He didn’t want to marry her or rule that grimy place. He says they loath him, and he’ll wipe them off the face of the earth. She says that she gave him the ring so that he wouldn’t harm them. He says if she’d stayed strong, he wouldn’t have been able to harm them, but thanks to her weakness, he can. He says he’s taking it beyond mankind’s grasp. Agrabah disappears.

Jasmine says Jafar has already taken everything. He says he has no more business with her, but with the ones who trapped him. He tells her to bring better people next time. She says they’re all heroes, and they think she is too. She asks where Agrabah is. Jafar says the answer amuses him, and he wonders why she can’t see it’s at her fingertips. She says the first wish worked, and she sees a tiny Agrabah in the ring. Jafar says it’s as she left it, except smaller. He asks for the ring, but she won’t give it to him. She holds up the vial, and asks if it looks familiar. He tries to take the ring, and she throws the vial at him, and he disappears poof! in a puff of magenta smoke. When the smoke clears, he’s a walking stick.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Aesop the bartender (although he prefers mixologist) gives Emma some drink ideas. He talks about story writing and lost love, and she relates. She thought Hook would stick through things no matter what, but when things got tough, he took off. Aesop gives her a napkin to dry her tears. She tells Snow and Regina that she needs to move on.

Jasmine tells Hook she’s sorry she couldn’t help him get home. He says maybe someone in Agrabah can. She explains that it’s in the ring. He asks if she doesn’t want to use the last wish to bring it back. She says if she was to use it, it would be to free Aladdin. Her father told her that duty comes before love, but she finally realized that the way to get Agrabah back is the kind of magic thatc ould break any curse. She kisses Aladdin, and poof! the city returns. Hook is impressed. Aladdin calls Jasmine a hero.

Hook takes out the Jafar stick. Ariel says she’s sure he’ll find someone to help him. She gives him a shell, and says they can get a signal to Storybrooke if someone is there to pick it up. He says he has one just like it at home.

Emma gets back and hears a rumbling from her treasure box. It’s Hook calling shell to shell. He says he didn’t mean to leave, and Gideon sent him away. He’d never leave her, but Gideon wanted him out of the way. He’s trying to get home, and won’t stop until he does. He loves her. She says she loves him too, but he doesn’t hear it.

Aesop walks up to Emma with the napkin in his hand, saying that as long as he holds the tears of the Savior, Hook can’t hear her. She should be careful where she leaves them. Emma says he’s not Aesop, and sure enough, he turns into Gideon. He tells her that he needs her help. She says not in a helping mood. He says love makes us do things we didn’t know possible, and Hook will stay where he is unless she helps him.

She has to do the one thing he could never do – kill the Black Fairy.

Next time, Emma says she won’t help Gideon, Gold says all darkness comes from the Black Fairy, and we go back to Neverland where there’s a giant spider!

The Walking Dead

♫ Easy street! ♫ Just kidding. Sasha listens to some blues on an iPod. She hears someone tell her to wake up. It’s Abe. They kiss. He says he’s all kinds of glad to see her. She asks if he’s back, and he says not yet. He tells her that Maggie is in trouble. She tells him not to go.

IRL, Negan tells Sasha welcome to the first day of the rest of her life, and bears some food. He says she’s going to help him get things back on track. He says he doesn’t want to see her die, so she doesn’t have to. Someone does, but not her. They’re going to help solve some sh*t. He gives her pancakes with a smiley face in berries on them. She asks what he needs from her.

Rick asks Dwight why, and he says he wants it stopped; he wants Negan dead, adding that they’re all Negan. Tara says the girl he murdered had a name. Her name was Denise, and she was a doctor who helped people. He says he wasn’t aiming for her. Daryl grabs him, and puts a knife in his face. Dwight tells him go ahead. Michonne doesn’t think they can trust him. Dwight says what he did, he was doing for someone else. Now he’s here, and so is Daryl, because of her. Tara encourages Daryl to kill Dwight, but Dwight says if they work together, they can stop them. Daryl knows he’s not lying. Daryl pulls back with the knife.

Rosita says they have Sasha. She doesn’t trust Dwight, but trusts Daryl. Rick says Negan is coming tomorrow. Dwight says he can slow them down by blocking the road with some trees, and buy time for them to get ready. If they can take them out, that’s where they start. He’ll radio back to the Sanctuary where Negan lives, telling them everything is okay. They drive the trucks back, get the workers on their side, go from outpost to outpost, and build an army.

Daryl tells Rick that if Dwight is lying, he’ll kill him slow. Rick says if he’s lying, this is already over.

In the alternate reality, Abe tells Sasha that he has to go. She tells him she had a dream that he died.

Negan tells Sasha that’s the plan. When she comes out, they’ll stand down, if they haven’t already. Lucille will have her say, and they’ll move forward with a new understanding. Sasha sheds a tear, and he asks if that’s for real. She says no one has to die, and he says you can’t do anything without punishment; it’s how they built everything they have. She repeats that no one has to die. Negan suggests just one then. He was going to pull three out, but just one and just for her. She agrees. Negan says she has him wrapped around her finger, and if she had a d*ck, he’d still feel the same way.

Maggie says they don’t have Oceanside, but they have the guns. She doesn’t trust Dwight. She says if Negan figures things out, they’ll need help. Jesus says it’s a tough decision, but he’s glad she’s the one making it. Enid gives her the pocket watch that Maggie’s father gave to Glenn.

Carol and some of the Kingdom knights come across a blockade of shopping carts, and Morgan wandering around. Carol asks if he wants to ambush them on his own. She says if he kills anyone, they might lose their advantage. Ezekiel asks if he seeks to extinguish everything he was. Morgan says he doesn’t seek it, but he’s stuck. Ezekiel asks if he wants the Saviors dead. He does. Ezekiel says that the Saviors are a dragon with many heads, and they have to seek allies. He asks Morgan to join them. He asks if Morgan wears Ben’s breastplate to honor him or for himself. He tells Morgan to fight with them; the Saviors will be defeated, so no one will suffer under them again. Ezekiel, Shiva/Sheba/Shoo-be-doo-be-doo, and the others move ahead. Morgan follows.

Rick and company roll out with a bunch of trucks and bicycles. The Scavengers are with them. Jadis asks Michonne if Rick is hers. Michonne thinks they should get back to work. Stupidest. Scene. Ever. And Jadis is not understandable half the time.

Aaron, Daryl, and Rosita put together some bombs.

Negan and his dudes find the tree blockade. Eugene asks if he could have the opportunity to slow their jets and cool their roll [sic].

The Alexandrians prepare for battle along with the Scavengers. One of the Scavenger chicks says “we win” to Michonne, because they talk like three-year-olds.

Sasha listens to more music, and says you know how this is gonna end. Abe tells her they’re going to walk out the door together, kick sh*t, and eat snakes. She wants to sit this one out. She tells him they were at the beach and he got pulled under. He didn’t come back up, and she was trying to find him, but he was gone and she started to drown. He says he hates the beach, and talks about getting sand where it shouldn’t be. I relate. He tells her, lets go help Maggie. Sasha says just once sit one out. She says Maggie’s gotta take care of Maggie.

Eugene says Sasha must have changed her mind about dying. He tells her she’ll adjust, but she says she’s not like him. He says if people die today it’s because of the choices they’ve made.

There are intermittent scenes of Sash and Maggie sitting on a wall. I’m sure they’ll be significant later. Sasha asks Maggie why they’re there.

The lookout alerts Rick. Rick tells Rosita to get in position and he’ll signal. They wait. They hear Eugene over the bullhorn saying all points are covered. He gets out of the truck, and says hello to Rick through the bullhorn, and I laugh because he’s not that far from Rick at this point. Eugene says the bottom line is they might die, but he hopes not. He says the jig is up, and asks if Rick will comply. Jadis looks at Rick. Rick asks where Negan is. Eugene says he’s Negan. I understand the face rick makes. Sort of amused and disgusted at the same time. He gives the signal, Rosita presses the button, everyone ducks, and nothing happens. The Scavengers aim guns at the Alexandirans and open the gate. Bastards!

Dwight comes out of the truck with Negan. The actual Negan. I guess we don’t know if he was sincere or not. Jadis holds a gun on Rick. Michonne sees what’s going on, and that same Scavenger chick says,” we win” again. Well, sh*t.

Negan asks if he’s heard the one about the guy named Rick who thought he knew sh*t, but didn’t, and got everyone killed. Rick says he and Jadis had a deal, but she says she got a better one. Negan says he’s pushed, pushed, and pushed him. He just tried to blow them up. He says Eugene is one of his, and he stepped up. They’re a bunch of animals. The universe gives them a sign, and Rick shoves his finger up its ass. Negan certainly has a way with words. He tells Dwight and Simon, chop-chop.

They uncover a coffin. Everyone is like wth? They stand the coffin up. Negan says they must like Sasha, and so does he. He has her there, packaged for their convenience, alive and well. He brought her, so he wouldn’t have to kill all of them, but that might be complicated. He wants all their guns, every one of them, and a person of their own choosing for Lucille. He also wants Daryl back. And the pool table. Or Sasha dies. And then all of them. He says just because he brought Sasha in a casket, doesn’t mean she has to leave in it. He tells Rick that he sucks. Rick asks to see Sasha.

Negan opens the casket saying she’s not going to believe this.

Sasha tells Abe it felt real. Like they lost, but it’s just starting. He kisses her. He tells her to come on, and she says wait. He says he likes the way she calls bullsh*t, so let him return the favor. She’s going to tell him to stay and she’ll go. She wants to make up for what she said about Maggie. He tells her it’s always for someone else, and if they’re going to kick, there had better be a point to it. No matter where they are, Maggie is carrying the future. Sasha tells him that he’s right. He says putting yourself on the line for someone else, oh my, that is living. She laughs. They leave together.

We backtrack to before Sasha got in the coffin. Eugene walks out with Sasha. He says they could be watching the roads. He gives her an iPod, saying he wished he measured up. She says he still can, and she hasn’t given up on him. Sasha tells Negan that she can use a nap, and just give her a bottle of water. He says he knows this is tough, and appreciates it. She gets in the coffin, and he tells her that she’s something else.

Sasha looks at something – I couldn’t see what it was – and listens to the music. She takes the pill that Eugene gave her.

Negan opens the coffin and it’s zombie Sasha! She goes after Negan, and all hell breaks loose with everyone running around and shooting. Michonne and the Scavenger fight. Rosita is shot, but Tara gets her out of there. Jadis holds a gun on Rick. Sasha continues to try and bite Negan’s face off. Someone pulls her off of him, so she bites that guy’s face off. Rick tells Jadis they can make another deal, and she answers by shooting him, and then pushing him off him off the platform they’re standing on.

More shooting. Michonne is getting her head bashed in, and Jadis has Rick hostage. All kinds of dead people are lying around, who are going to be zombies any second. Jadis acts like a big a-hole, pushing Rick around. She brings him to Negan.

Michonne pushes a broken piece of pottery into the Scavenger’s neck. Jadis tells Rick to get down on his knees, and puts him next to Carl. Negan says that RIck had to go with these filthy garbage people, no offense. He and Jadis look at each other, and she says something stupid. He tells Rick that this is going to make him sad and wish he was dead. Negan says, he’d want a kid like Rick’s, which makes this harder. He tells Carl it’s over. Michonne continues to fight with Scavenger. Rick looks around, and sees someone fall from a balcony, thinking it’s Michonne. I highly doubt Carl is a goner. There will be huge protests of Tiger Beat readers. Is that still a magazine?

Negan says that Rick just lost someone important, and he chose this. This isn’t a warning now, it’s punishment. He’s going to kill Carl with one nice hard swing because he likes him. Then Lucille is going to take Rick’s hands. Rick says he can take his hands, but he already told him he’s going to kill him; maybe not today or tomorrow, but nothing is going to change that. Nothing. He’s already dead. Negan twitches a little. Then smiles. He says, damn, wow, okay.

Negan goes to take a swing at Carl’s head, when Shiva comes out of nowhere, knocking him sideways. I applaud. Here comes Ezekiel with the troops. He says Alexandria will not fall; not on this day. Shiva eats Negan, or somebody. Horses and knights and guns, oh my! Nope, the tiger didn’t eat Negan. Morgan joins in the fray. Negan runs out of bullets. Shiva gets busy flattening people. This is really good!. It also comes to my attention that Jadis has highlights, which seems odd for a garbage person, but also reminds me that I need a hair appointment.

The Scavengers throw Molotov cocktails using soda cans. Everyone runs. The smoke begins to clear. Ezekiel says we finish this, and some of them run after the Saviors. Maggie is there too. Negan gives the finger as they drive away. Ha-ha! The gate closes. The Saviors are gone – for now.

Rick finds the Scavenger who had been fighting with Michonne dead on the ground. Michonne is all bloody, but alive. Rick is pretty happy about that. She says, we, we, we, and Rick says, we are, we will, and kisses the one spot that isn’t bruised. Michonne, Rick, and Carl form a tableau.

Back at Neganland, Negan looks at Eugene, wondering how Sasha ended up dead. Eugene thinks she ran out of air. Negan gets close to his face and says, maybe. He announces that they’re going to war, and everyone goes, yeah!

Maggie goes down Memory Lane with Rick, talking about how she made the right decision to come. She says the decision was made a long time ago. They were strangers and now mean the world to each other. She says Glenn didn’t know them, but put himself in danger for them, and that started it all from the farm to the prison to Alexandria, to this moment, not as strangers, but as family. As she talks, we see all of the characters interacting with one another. Daryl takes a little carved soldier out of the coffin, which I assume was what Sasha had been looking at. It says didn’t know on the back of it. Neither do I. Maggie says that because Glenn chose to be with him on that day, it was the decision that changed everything. It started with them, and grew; all of them to sacrifice for each other.

We see Maggie and Sasha sitting on the wall, smiling at each other, as Maggie continues. To suffer, to stand, to grieve, to give, to love, to live, to fight for each other. Glenn made the decision; she was just following his lead. We see Glenn’s watch in her hand.

Tonight’s show was in memory of Bernie Wrightson, an original creator of DC’s Swamp Thing, an illustrator, and creator of other wondrous creatures.

The Walking Dead will be back in October.

👠 I saw enough of The Real Housewives of Atlanta to see Phaedra get “Porshafied,” which apparently means wearing a wig and having your bosoms fall out of your dress. Another thing I caught was Sheree and Kenya bonding. The sad part was how they were relating over the aggressiveness of the men in their lives.

🏛 The jury is still out for the new season of The Real Housewives of Potomac. I’m just catching it now. For whatever reason, they decided to show triple the Atlanta and wait until the wee hours of the morning to rerun this one. A girl has to sleep sometime.

March 31, 2017 – Valentin Agrees to Help Jason, the Weird World of V.C. Andrews & Quotes

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What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Elizabeth wonders why Franco is asking her to marry him right now. He says why not?

Jason asks Valentin for a favor, telling him that it’s about Jake. He explains that Jake spent the better part of four years with Helena, and he’s trying to find out what she did to him.

Lulu sees Nelle at Kelly’s and introduces herself. Nelle asks if Lulu is going to tell her off. Lulu says what happened is none of her business, and it’s not her place to judge, but she’d like to talk about her daughter, Charlotte.

Alexis enters a dark house. Her phone rings, but when she answers, she gets a dial tone. It rings again, and she asks if it’s Julian. It’s Sam, who is wearing an awesome white swing top with thumbhole sleeves. Sam wonders why Alexis called her Julian, and Alexis says old habits die hard. Sam wants to come by, but Alexis says she’ll come over to Sam’s house.

Sonny tells Michael about the break up with Carly. He says she’s mad as hell and called it quits. Michael says sorry, and Sonny says he doesn’t seem like it. Michael says he’s not exactly in shock. Now that things have settled down, there are no distractions. Losing Morgan could have brought them together or torn them apart, and they decided on the latter. Sonny says he didn’t want this, but Michael says it’s happening.

Lulu asks if Nelle has a minute. Since they’ll be seeing one another, they might as well get to know each other. Nelle was picking up scones for Charlotte’s birthday breakfast, since they’re her favorite. She thinks they remind Charlotte of her mom.

Laura tells Doc about the upcoming trip. He says that he’s not sure what surprises him more, the trip itself or that she’s going with Tracy. He asks if Luke is in jail again, and Laura says that would be amusing if his ex-wives showed up to break him out, but he isn’t involved.

Franco tells Elizabeth that it makes perfect sense. Any two people can shack up, but if they make it official, he’s her husband and can be stepfather to her children. She asks if it’s about the two of them, or him and Jason.

Valentin tells Jason that Helena was a horrible person. He was sent to boarding school, so they didn’t cross paths much. Jason asks about the island, and if there are any scarecrows on it. Valentin gives him a strange, amused look.

Alexis comes to Sam’s bearing diapers and cookies. She’s doing her grandma thing. Sam says she got the feeling that Alexis was drinking when they last talked. Alexis admits to having a bit of a relapse, but went to a meeting, and was coming back from one when Sam called. A new sponsor might be a good idea. A real one this time. Sam says it’s understandable with all she’s been through. Alexis says ironically Julian was again the one who convinced her to stop.

Michael tells Sonny that he’s not taking sides. Sonny asks if he talked to Carly, but he says he doesn’t have to; he already knows what they do. They’re both strong people, and sometimes turn that strength on each other, and they’re taking out the pain they feel about Morgan on each other. Sonny asks if Michael knows how much he hates hurting the people he loves, including him.

Nelle corrects herself, saying surrogate mother, and apologizes to Lulu. Lulu says it’s not her fault. She says there are so many things she doesn’t know about her own daughter, seemingly insignificant things. She said she would know them had she been there at the beginning, but Valentin kept Charlotte from her all of her life.

Doc is surprised that Laura is traipsing across the world because Tracy asked her to. He wonders how it came about. Laura says they seem like an unlikely pair, but they do have a relationship. She says it was Tracy’s fur coat that she wore to flash Doc, and Doc says he’ll be forever grateful. Laura tells him that Tracy has a situation that may or may not have to do with her father. She thinks she should help, because if Tracy goes it alone, she might miss the chance to reconnect with him. And she’s a sucker for Turkish coffee. She says the best part will be the homecoming, and they kiss.

Franco tells Elizabeth that he’s not asking her to marry him because of Jason or Jake. He’d love to be a permanent fixture in Jake’s life, but he’s asking because he loves her. She can show the world that she trusts him and chooses him over all others. She says she’s told everyone that she trusts him, and she does choose him over everything, including Jason; but Jason is Jake’s father, and she has to consider his feelings. Franco says that Jason doesn’t even believe that Jake has a problem.

Valentin tells Jason that’s a weird question about the scarecrows. Jason says thanks for the help, because he’s an impatient jackass. Valentin says that he never intended to be a father, but Helena took that decision away from him. Now, he loves Charlotte and she’s his life. He says he understands, and if Jason wants to search the island, he’ll set it up. He tells Jason that he might want to start with the olive grove.

Elizabeth says that it’s about Jake after all; Franco thinks that Jason isn’t handling it well, and that’s why he wants to marry her. Franco says yes and no. His feelings for her are real; he loves her, and he loves Jake too. He wants to make sure that Jake gets what he needs. Elizabeth says that Jason is still Jake’s father, and she has to regard his wishes. She thinks that Franco should keep his distance from Jake for now.

Sam tells Alexis that dreams can seem very real. Alexis says that sounds rational, but talks about the knocking at the door, and how no one was there. Then the second time, it was Valentin.

Valentin tells Jason that there’s an old olive grove that was planted before Cassadine’s got there, and it had a scarecrow in it. Legend had it that the scarecrow came alive one night, and it might have made an impression on Jake. Jason appreciates the help, and Valentine keeps the offer open. Jason wonders if Valentine has an agenda in helping him, but Valentin says that no child should be subject to Helena. Jason says he’ll do whatever it takes to help Jake.

Nelle tells Lulu that she knows a little about Charlotte’s childhood, but had no idea what was happening. Yeah, I guess she had other things to concentrate on, like the blow out with Carly and Sonny. Lulu says she’s glad that Nelle is taking care of Charlotte. She tells Nelle that when she found out she had daughter, she blew it. She was so excited, she ended up scaring her away. She didn’t think it through, and acted in the moment, making a huge mistake. Nelle can relate to not being able to take something back.

Sonny watches Michael work in some kind of weird proud dad way. He doesn’t want to leave it like this. Maybe Nelle wasn’t the main reason for breakup, but she helped it along. When truth came out, he knows Michael was hurt. Michael says he was sympathetic to a point, but can’t get past what she did. Sonny asks if he’s sure, and if Nelle staying in Port Charles changes anything.

Lulu apologizes for keeping Nelle, and thanks her for listening. Nelle asks how Michael is doing, but Lulu says she hardly sees him. She tells Nelle that Dante said he’s keeping to himself, and throwing himself into work. She hates that he’s grieving Morgan all alone, and Nelle says that she does too. Nelle leaves Kelly’s, and Lulu looks pleased with herself.

Michael tells Sonny that Nelle got a job as Charlotte’s nanny. Sonny says that Nelle probably still has an agenda (WOTD), and asks how Michael might feel running into her. Michael says they’re not like Sonny and Carly. He tells Sonny not to project, and says he can handle it. If he makes a mistake, he has to live with the fallout, and Sonny should know.

Elizabeth tells Franco that right now, his presence is causing an issue with Jake’s father, and she doesn’t want any more disruptions in Jake’s life. Franco says he wants the crappy cards on Father’s Day and to teach Jake how to drive. Elizabeth needs him to give Jake space until they find out what the drawings mean. Then they’ll have him to thank for getting the ball rolling. Franco says okay, they’ll do things her way, but no matter what, he doesn’t want to lose her. She says he won’t, and they kiss.

Jason interrupts, and says when Elizabeth gets a chance, they need to talk about Jake. I like Jason, but I don’t like when he acts irrational. And I like Franco more.

Sam doesn’t know what’s worse, a visit from Valentin, or Julian’s ghost. Alexis thinks about it and says Valentin. He wanted to do the family bonding thing, and gave her the keys to Windemere. She says she kicked him out of the house. Geez, most people would have just said thanks. Sam suggests it might have triggered a response.  Alexis says she doesn’t need anyone to do that, and says she had a weird feeling about the hang-up call. Sam asks for her phone, telling Alexis that she has an app for that. She messes around with the phones, and a map indicates that the call came from a payphone at the gas station near the footbridge. Alexis says that’s where Julian died.

Alexis thinks that Ava might be right, and that Julian is alive. Sam says not necessarily. Alexis says she know she shouldn’t feel this way, but she wishes he was alive. Scout starts to cry, and Alexis wants to jet, but Sam is worried. Alexis says she’s not delusional, just tired, and wants to go back to bed.

Franco starts to leave, and Elizabeth follows him. She says it’s not the best timing, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with him. She didn’t say yes, but didn’t say no either. He thanks her, and they kiss good-by. Elizabeth tells Jason that Franco agreed to step back. Jason thinks he found a lead about the scarecrow. Elizabeth says she has lead of her own, and thinks she knows who can help.

Laura runs into Lulu leaving Kelly’s. Lulu she invites Laura for dinner tomorrow, but Laura says she’s galivanting around the globe with Tracy. Hey, that reminds me. Whatever happened to that show, Galavant?

Sonny tells Michael that distractions don’t work. Michael says don’t worry, but Sonny says Michael is his son. Even if he doesn’t need protection, that doesn’t stop Sonny from wanting to protect him.

Nelle tells Valentin about buying the scones, and says that she ran into Lulu. He asks who approached who, and she says she was leaving Kelly’s, and literally almost ran into her. He asks if she introduced herself, and Nelle thought she was just being polite. Valentin asks her to tell him everything that Lulu said. Ooh, Nelle could be a counter-spy.

Sonny says he shouldn’t be lecturing anybody (truth!), and starts to leave. Michael says if he didn’t make it clear, he loves Sonny, and doesn’t blame him for what happened. He only blames Olivia-J. He says Nelle is screwed up; that doesn’t absolve her, but puts it in context. Sonny says Michael is wiser than he was at Michael’s age, and maybe wiser than he is now. Sonny leaves, and the cheese Michael stands alone.

Lulu thinks Laura and Tracy’s trip is crazy, but it makes sense, and the two of them will keep each other out of trouble. Laura feels badly about leaving right now, but Lulu says it’s okay. She tells Laura about talking to Nelle, and that she’d asked about Michael. She hasn’t learned anything useful, but laid the groundwork. Laura tells her to take it easy; it’s just the first step. Valentin is smart, and they have to be smarter.

Nelle thinks that Lulu just wanted to be familiar with her, and make sure she’s all right to be watching Charlotte. Valentin says thanks for telling him. He tells Nelle that he tried offering joint custody to Lulu, but she didn’t want it, and is suing him for full custody. He says that she isn’t to be trusted. He gives Nelle a new set of keys, saying he’d had the locks changed, since you can’t be too careful. She puts the key on the keyring that Michael gave her.

Michael flashes back to giving the keyring to Nelle. What a coincidence!

Franco gets a text from Jake, who can’t wait to do more drawing with him.

Doc tells Jason and Elizabeth that he has to refer them to someone else, because of the personal history. They need fresh eyes and objectivity. He recommends Andre, and offers to make the appointment. Jason says at least it’s some progress, and Elizabeth is glad he was able to put aside their differences. They agree that Jake comes first.

Sam calls the gas station and asks if they have surveillance cameras.

Alexis gets on the couch with the AA big book. She looks at her phone on the table. She hears something and says it’s just the wind, but it doesn’t really sound like the wind.

On Monday, Josslyn asks Carly when she and Sonny are divorcing, Ned says he’s stopping Larry’s plans, and Jax arrives.

Flowers in My Attic

Let’s talk about V.C. Andrews. I don’t know how it happened, but I ended up spending a Saturday watching Lifetime’s version of Flowers in the Attic, and then every single subsequent film in the series. I’m not sure what came over me, but I fell under the Dollanganger family’s spell.

The books of V.C. Andrews were required reading for the young adults of my generation. I’m not sure why. They’re poorly written, and the stories revolve around – let’s just say it – incest. But for some reason, Andrews spoke to us. Apparently, even after death, as she died in 1986, yet her books continue to be churned out written. Highly doubtful that it’s difficult, but amazing that no one seems to care.

The cinema adaptation of Flowers in the Attic wasn’t awful, but it wasn’t entirely faithful to the book either, and I don’t think fans were entirely satisfied. Then, decades later, Lifetime made another stab at it. While their film was roundly criticized by reviewers, they did something right, because the franchise continued on, including My Sweet Audrina.

For those who live on another planet and aren’t familiar with the series, it revolves around siblings Cathy, Chris, Carrie, and Cory, forced to live in the attic of a Victorian mansion for years, so that their mother could get back into her own father’s good graces and inherit a bundle. She’d been shunned by the family for falling in love with her father’s half-brother, starting the chain of the wrong kind of familial love. When he suddenly dies in an accident, she’s forced to go back to the family mansion. After being trapped together through puberty, Chris and Cathy also fall in love, continuing the pattern. They also find out their mother has been lying to them.

Although I usually find Lifetime movies a let-down – their ideas are always promising, but the endings often fall flat – they got this one right. Despite being panned by critics, it was as though these God-awful books came to life. They nearly followed them word for word. The dialogue is not how anyone in their right mind would talk, unless they stepped out of 1900, and Chris and Cathy have absolutely no knowledge of how life works, even though they’ve gone to normal school up until they’re thirty teenagers. (Wouldn’t they even have thought they’re weird?) Ellen Burnstyn must have had a blast playing the grandmother, which she does with gusto, and Heather Graham is spot on as Corrine. Unfortunately, we lost Sally Draper Kiernan Shipka by the second film, but Rachael Carpani makes a lovely Cathy. I honestly think the reviewers thought the actors wrote this themselves; they did the best they could with the bizarre material. I mean, come on, the evil guy’s name is even Bart.

As with most binge watching, a sadness came over me as the final credits rolled. So bad, they’re good, it was a fun trip down Memory Lane. If you’ve never taken a dip into the strange pond of Andrews’s work, check them out next time around. Fans of the book series will not be disappointed.

Quotes of the Week

Acknowledge your gifts and be grateful to the source. Because if you know from whom you are receiving, you can always go back for more.Rabbi Noah Weinberg

In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.Albert Einstein

I get all the tigers I can. At a reasonable price. A hoarder on Hoarding: Buried Alive.

🌻 To whatever attic flowers you enjoy…

PsychedelicFlower

March 30, 2017 – Nina Says the Magic Words, Two Junior Chefs Return & Landon is Still an Idiot

Standard

What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

Tracy tells Laura that while she’s looking for the painting, Laura can check out her old stomping grounds in Turkey and eat baklava. Plus, it will give Doc a chance to miss her. Laura says sorry, but she’s not going to Turkey.

Curtis’s phone rings. It’s Jason. He says he needs help; it’s about Jake. He says he’ll explain later, and asks if Curtis is in. Curtis says he is. They make plans to meet in the morning.

Sam tells Jason they should relax; she thinks lightening is about to strike. Jason says he thinks Jake could be in some real trouble.

Elizabeth leaves a message for Franco. She didn’t like how they left things, and asks him to call her back. She adds, please don’t do anything crazy.

Nina sees Franco in the foyer and asks who let him in. Franco says the butler did it. He has a wedding gift.

One of the gunmen at The Floating Rib shakes everyone down for their phones. No sudden moves; hands visible. He tells Ava that she’s beautiful and grabs her. She tells him not to hurt her; she has children. He says he doesn’t give a crap. One wrong move, and he blows her away.

Curtis tells Jordan that he’d rather be kissing her openly in public, and they’ve earned it. She says it’s been a long and winding road. Okay, Paul McCartney. He asks if they’re there yet, and she says depends on the destination. They kiss. Publicly.

Jason tells Sam about the drawings. He says that Elizabeth found a scarecrow drawn in the blank space. Jake claims to have no idea where it came from, but according to Franco, it’s definitely Jake’s work. Sam wonders why this happened, since Jake seemed to be doing well. Jason tells her that because of everything she went through, Jake thinks Helena’s curse is at work.

Kiki is volunteering at the hospital and runs into Elizabeth. Kiki tells her that she’s thinking of becoming a nurse’s aide. She’s working the psyche ward. She promised that when Morgan died, she’d do something to honor him and get over her grief. Elizabeth adds, and her guilt. Kiki asks if Elizabeth has spoken to Franco recently; she’s worried about him.

Franco tells Nina it will only take a second. She unwraps the package. It’s a home brewing kit. He says now she can make her own in the privacy of her mausoleum. She tells him she already has one, but it’s good to have a spare.

The gunman says all valuables in the bag, including gum and candy. Is he five? Olivia-F tells him he’s going to get laughed out of the pawn shop with her jewelry. Ava and Lucy empty their bags, and the gunman sees the sculpture and bottle of pills saying what do we have here? Ava flashes back to switching the pills. This is actually a win for her if he steals them.

Tracy wonders why Laura won’t help her. She says she’s being swindled; she’s not looking for a girl’s trip. She tells Laura that it’s about her father and his painting, and Larry wants half the value. She says she’s going to Turkey regardless, but Laura still says no; she has a life. Tracy says Doc will be fine, but Laura says she’s not comfortable leaving Lulu. The custody hearing was a nightmare, and she can’t believe a snake like that is raising a child. Laura says she’s going to rectify it. Tracy asks how.

Jordan asks Curtis if it was worth the wait, and he tells her that it was. He thanks her for dinner, and has no complaints. Except one – the night is coming to an end.

The gunman has Lucy help fill the bag. He tells her to leave out the sculpture because it’s ugly. Lucy puts the pills in the bag. The gunman near Ned and Olivia-F’s table tells them that he’s not blind, and to put the ring in the bag.

Kiki hates seeing Franco being quiet. Elizabeth says she does too, and he’s not returning her calls. She says she had to slow things down because of Jason.

Sam says Jake wouldn’t know about the curse, but Jason says Helena might have put it in his head. Sam says she’s the opposite of cursed, and asks what she can do to help. Jason wishes he knew what’s what, and wonders if Franco is just trying to be the good guy or maybe get to him. Sam says that’s beside the point.

Nina asks Franco why he’s really there, and he says he needs to talk to someone. She thinks it’s weird, but says they can talk. He says it’s about him, Elizabeth, and her kid. Nina asks how self-centered he can be. Asking her for advice is weird enough, but it’s about being a father to Elizabeth’s child. He says sorry. She says it’s okay, and thanks him because she’s happy now. She didn’t like the way things ended, but will never regret that they did.

Jason says Franco may be the point. Sam says they can make Jake feel like he’s loved and supported. Jason says that he told Franco to back off. Sam asks how that went, and Jason says Franco took it better than Elizabeth when he said he might have to rethink their custody agreement.

Franco tells Nina about Jason. She asks is he going to miss Elizabeth or Jake? He says Jake was their connection in the beginning, but he doesn’t want to live without either one. She says don’t then, but she has no idea how.

Elizabeth tells Kiki what Jason said about Franco, and Kiki asks who is Jason to be telling her what to do? Elizabeth says Jake’s father. Kiki tells her not to let Jason come between them. She says Elizabeth has to change Jason’s mind, but Elizabeth says he doesn’t trust Franco. It doesn’t matter to him that Franco changed when the tumor was removed. Elizabeth says she loves Franco, and knows he’s a good person. She tells Kiki that Her boys are better off with him, and Kiki says it’s her life, her kids, and she gets to call the shots.

Curtis and Jordan flirt, and she suggests leaving the restaurant. Her phone rings. It’s the station. They had a call that an alarm was triggered at The Floating Rib. Curtis says it’s probably nothing.

Ava asks the gunman to let them go now. Lucy says they’ve cooperated and done whatever they’ve been told to do. Meanwhile, at Ned’s table, Olivia-F won’t give up the ring. She says it’s priceless. It was given to Ned’s grandmother by the love of her life, and now Ned wants to give it to her. It symbolizes the faith and hope to take the leap. Ned tells her that it’s not worth it.  The gunmen switch places. The guy who was holding Ava tells Olivia that his brother is nicer than he is. He cocks the gun and says to give him the ring now.

Sam asks if Jason is threatening to take Jake away, but Jason says no. He wonders how Franco is involved in his life at all. Sam says she’d love to trust that Elizabeth would never endanger her children. She thinks that in Elizabeth’s mind, she lives for her kids, but she’s dating Franco, who’s done so much damage. She loves him, and allows her children to be around him, despite what anyone else says. Jason asks if she thinks Elizabeth has a blind spot. Sam says the important thing is figuring out what’s happening with Jake, and focusing on a fight is the last thing he needs.

Elizabeth hopes that Jason calms down and realizes he’s overreacting. Kiki says what if he doesn’t, and asks if she’s going to keep Franco away. Elizabeth says they’re still together, but it’s not the right timing for him to move in. She says she’ll do anything to keep her kids with her, and Kiki asks if she’d ditch Franco if Jason insisted.

Nina tells Franco about the custody hearing. He says it must have given her experience, but Nina says it’s different, since she and Valentin are married. In the eyes of the law, Franco is nothing to Jake, but Jason has legal rights. Franco tells Nina that she’s a genius. He’ll marry Elizabeth.

Laura says that the hearing outcome was disappointing. Tracy says Lulu isn’t defeated, and Laura says she’s still not going. Tracy says Laura will just slow her down anyway, since she’ll want to smell the flowers and taste the spices. She just wants to honor her father. She says she’ll hire guards for security, but Laura says has to fit in with the culture. Someone like her could be intimidating, and Laura suggests she at least learn some Turkish. She tells Tracy that she can’t just barge into other people’s countries with an entourage. Tracy asks why not? That’s how she gets things done.

The gunman says the ring must be worth something if Olivia-F is willing to die for it. Ned tells her to give him the ring, and she says she can’t. The gunman starts to count down, and Ned moves toward him. We hear a gunshot.

Jordan enters with backup and Curtis, and the gunmen are captured. Curtis says she’s still got it. Everyone is unscathed, and Ned says her timing is impeccable. Olivia-F says that Ned could have been killed. He says he didn’t want to see her die over a stupid ring. She says Lila is the patron saint of Port Charles, and she didn’t want his hands on it. Ned says between the ring and her, he chooses her. Olivia says he almost took a bullet for her, and he says he’d do it again, but would prefer not to. He says she’s terrified of marriage, but someone waving a gun her face is no problem. She reminds him that she’s from Bensonhurst. She says she thought she lost everything. They tell each other I love you, and he says that he’s sorry about pressuring her. He doesn’t want to wreck what they have. If she’s not ready for marriage, he understands. She laughs, and wonders what she was thinking. She has to get out of her own way and stop letting her insecurities call the shots instead of her heart. She talks about him being father figure to Leo. She says he can back off, but now she’s coming for him. She asks him to marry her. He says no. Just kidding. He says nothing would make him prouder or happier. She says she’s marrying a rock star.

Lucy blathers on, and Jordan says the gunmen are going away for a long time. Ava says she just wants to get her stuff, and moves toward the bag, but Jordan says that’s not possible.

Kiki tells Elizabeth that she has a chance at an amazing life, and not to let Jason take it away. He’s not the only one who deserves to be happy.

Nina hustles Franco toward the door, saying marrying Elizabeth will solve all his problems, and marriage is great. He thanks her for talking.

Jason tells Sam that maybe they can figure out how to handle things without Jake reliving it in some stranger’s office. Sam says a therapist isn’t a threat, and sometimes talking to a stranger is a good thing. She tells him not to worry; they’ll fix it. Jason says that Curtis is starting in morning, and Sam says that gives them time to come up with game plan, but Jason says he’s already started.

Laura tells Tracy, fine, she’ll go. Tracy says no, she’ll do it herself, and Laura calls her impossible. She says she’ll go for Edward’s sake. But that’s not the only reason, and Tracy isn’t the only one who’s grateful.

Jordan says everything in the bag is evidence and Ava will get it back later. On the side, Lucy says too bad for Ava, but not for her, and reaches for the sculpture. Ava says no pills, no statue. Lucy says she held up her end of the bargain. Ava says the pills are on the way to the station, and Lucy says that’s not her problem.

Jordan wonders if Curtis might have second thoughts about the PCPD, but he doesn’t. She has to get back to work, and he says when they finally get together, it’s going to be epic. She tells him that he has no idea.

Kiki tells Elizabeth to call Franco and tell him that she’s wrong. If Jason tries anything, she should fight for her kids – and Franco. Kiki goes back to work, and Franco arrives. He says he has to ask Elizabeth a question. He gets down on one knee and asks her to marry him.

Jason shows up at Windemere. He tells Nina that he needs to speak to Valentin. It’s about his son.

On Monday, Lulu sucks up to Nelle, Laura tells Lulu she’s going to Turkey, and Jason asks Valentin for a favor.

🍜 In similar fashion to Top Chef‘s Last Chance Kitchen, two contestants were brought back to MasterChef Junior. The kids had to butcher a chicken (no, not all that – they basically had to separate the pieces of a whole one) – one more thing I would have stunk at – and the challenge winner decided who got what piece to cook with. The giblets were not a favorite. I love how the kids seem to actually forget that they’re in a competition and root hard for one another. In his parting interview, one contestant told us that he wanted to grow-up to be a cross between Justin Bieber and Gordon Ramsay. I don’t know about that, but I wouldn’t mind having their combined bank accounts. Next time, the kids will be cooking for the Boy Scouts in the great outdoors.

🍸 I’ve been watching the last Southern Charm reunion in preparation for the new season. I’d forgotten how awful Landon is. Seriously, there’s something wrong with her. Except for her earrings. Those are perfect. One of the highlights to look forward to, is an Indian psychic healer who tells the group that Landon is Thomas’s soulmate. I’d say that’s right on the money, since neither one of them have one.