What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

I swear, I could get up at 5 am, and still be running late around 3 pm. I missed the beginning, but from what I could hear, it sounded like they were just reviewing the end of yesterday’s episode.

At the hospital, Michael tells Sasha it would be nice to paint Nelle as a demon, and have her banished to a parallel dimension. Sasha says she can picture Diane making that argument, and Michael says, Diane is so good, she’d probably make it halfway through the argument before the judge would realize, and hold her in contempt. Sasha likes the Wizard of Oz approach. Bringing Nelle and Michael up front, and dumping a bucket of water on them, to see who doesn’t melt. Carly comes by, and says, that sounds good. Sasha says she’s getting punchy, and Carly says, long hours at the hospital will do that. Who wouldn’t want to see Nelle turn into a green puddle? Michael gets serious, and says he can’t afford to think like that. If he’s wrong, Wiley pays.

At Violet’s party, Maxie tells Robert, now that Obrecht is going to the Hague, can he drop his vendetta against Peter? He says he doesn’t have a vendetta, but she says, whatever he’s calling it, instead of treating Peter like a suspect, why doesn’t he see what they have in common? He says, those they love? and she says, besides that. He says he can’t think of anything, and she says Obrecht tried to kill them both. Robert is used to bouncing back, but Peter has suffered enough. He says, that’s a matter of opinion, and Maxie says she’s known Robert literally her entire life. He says that’s why he wants what’s best for her, and she says he needs to accept what’s best for her is her own decision; like she needs to accept he’ll never see Peter for the wonderful man he is. We flash back to Robert asking Anna if it ever occurred to her that Peter could be Alex’s son. It’s her big chance to sever all ties to Faison. Anna says she’ll never abandon Peter, and Robert says, Peter is an adult, and every bit as treacherous and sadistic as his father. We move to Peter saying, Robert knows he went to Pentenville to visit Shiloh, and Robert saying, but he doesn’t know why. Why doesn’t Peter shine some light on that? We go to Robert telling Peter that his family doesn’t see the dark side of him, but they will. Peter says it kills Robert that the people he cares about, care about and love Peter. There’s nothing he can do to convince Robert, so let those they care about speak for him. Robert says Peter thinks highly of himself. It was Faison’s undoing, and will be Peter’s too. Next, Robert tells Anna that something is wrong. If she wants to deny what’s in front of her face, that’s one thing, but if she denies what’s in her heart, it might come back to bite her. We shift to Robert asking Anna how long Jason has been suspicious, and telling her that she has a Peter-sized blind spot. It’s going to get her into trouble, and when Peter goes down, Robert doesn’t want Anna going with him. There are things in the works, and they’re going to show her what her would-be son is really like. We flash back to Robert accusing Peter of shopping his deal with Sam and Jason to the AG. Peter asks why it matters, unless Robert is up to something shady. Robert thanks Peter for getting him off this production. Now it’s just Peter and Jason. He knows Jason is a trained killer, and Jason knows the truth. He’s coming to get Peter, and this time Anna’s not going to be able to save his sorry butt. In the present, Robert tells Maxie, she’s right. He’s never going to see what she does. Good party. He leaves, she sighs, and Peter walks in, no doubt from listening in the next room.

In the park, Chase tells Willow, maybe they shouldn’t have gone to the party. She says they couldn’t have missed Violet’s birthday extravaganza, but he says he sees what it did to her. She says, it’s not the party; it’s the day. He should go back. He says, and leave her alone? but she says she can handle a walk by herself; she’s resourceful. He says she’s one of the most resourceful people he knows, but it’s how it weighs on her that Nelle might get custody. She says, it’s one thing if Nelle objects to elective surgery, but what if Wiley gets worse and she still refuses? He says, Michael has excellent lawyers, and she says, but what if it’s not enough? He says she’s been more of a mother to Wiley than Nelle, and she says, but she’s not his mother.

Olivia sees Robert heading for the door, and says, sneaking out? He says, guilty. He needs her to do him a big favor. She says, it depends on what it is, and he says he has some pressing business to take care of, but he doesn’t want to disappoint Violet or Anna. She says he could play the didgeridoo one more time, and see how Anna feels. He says it’s complicated, and he needs a bit of a cover created. If someone asks if they’ve seen him, she can say she saw him in the kitchen or the garden. If she does that, he would be so much in her debt. She likes the sound of that, and says she’s got it.

On the phone, Peter says he needs the distraction now. The sooner the better. Make it happen.

Aiden goes inside, and Charlotte follows, but Ava is behind her with Avery. Ava says she’s been telling Avery about Charlotte’s horse. It’s too soon for Avery to have lessons, but Avery loves horses. Avery says she and her grandfather had a sleepover with them in the stables. Ava says maybe Avery could watch Charlotte ride, or maybe have a horse of her own. Charlotte tells Avery, the back stall at Windymere is the best. Butterscotch used to have it, but Charlotte doesn’t live there anymore. Avery asks if Charlotte used to live in the big house, and Ava says, Charlotte did, but she and Nikolas live in the house now. She takes Avery back to the party.

Aiden reaches for the piñata, but Charlotte says, don’t touch it! He says he’s not going to hurt it, and she says she’s sorry she yelled. There’s a big surprise in there, and everybody needs to be here to see it.

Jason tells Sonny, he gave Anna a heads up for him, and she said thank you. She hasn’t seen anything out of order, but she’ll keep her eyes open. Then, a half hour later, Cyrus called, asking to meet with Sonny, and for Jason to relay the message. Sonny says, one thing about Cyrus, he’s doing it the right way.

Maxie tells Peter, he missed Georgie getting her fortune told. It was quite an event, but she has it on video. He says he has Invader business to tend to, and she asks if he has to duck out. He promises it’s important, and says he already told Anna goodbye. She says she’ll stay and sit back, watching the kids fight for candy like a teeny Hunger Games, where no one has to die. He says he’ll see her later. We flash back to Maxie in the cemetery, thanking Peter for saving her and the baby, and saying, Nathan would thank him too. We move to her saying that she’s lucky to have Peter in her life, accepting the fund for Nathan, and telling him that the rest of the family will come around. Peter feels the baby kick, and Maxie says she keeps wondering who he’ll be like; her or Nathan. Peter guesses, a little of both, and she says she can’t wait to meet him. Peter says, that makes two of them. Next, Peter asks Maxie to accompany him to the Nurses Ball, Maxie goes into labor on the way, and Peter delivers the baby by the side of the road. We flash back to Maxie telling Peter that she had to atone for mistakes she made too. He says she’s come a long way; maybe there’s hope for him too. We go through their relationship so far; Peter saying she’s his only true friend, and he’ll forever be sorry for hurting her; Maxie saying that being stuck in the elevator with him, personalized her being done with bitterness, and considering she’s been forgiven, it’s her only way to pay it forward; Peter telling Maxie that he cares more about her than anyone he’s ever cared for, and Maxie saying he’s the first person who’s made her feel this way since Nathan; Peter taking Maxie to Paris on a private jet, but them getting stuck in Toronto instead. We see their first kiss, deciding to move in together, and their first Christmas when Maxie gave Peter a personalized stocking, telling him that he’s officially family and she loves him. He tells her that he never had one, and it’s funny how the smallest things get you. We end with Maxie telling Peter, nobody can come between them, except them.

Robert sneaks into Peter and Maxie’s place. We flash back to Anna telling him that he’s targeting Peter, and asking, why can’t he accept the official story? Why can’t he leave it alone? He says he can’t, and she says, there’s no immediate danger or imminent threat. He’s looked the other way before. There’s no reason for him to be digging, except for his almighty ego, and need to be right. He says he’s not going to watch her wreck herself for a murdering SOB. In the apartment, he says, okay, Henrik. Let’s see what you’re hiding.

Franco asks Aiden, what’s up? and tells him to grab the piñata. Aiden tells him, Charlotte said to leave it alone, and Franco suggests they look at it. Ava tells Elizabeth, if someone had said years ago, that Franco would find happiness showing a child a non-violent piñata, she wouldn’t have believed it. Elizabeth says, he’s changed, and Ava says he’s truly, genuinely happy, and it’s all because of Elizabeth. Elizabeth says, they’re pretty happy together, and Ava wishes she could say the same about her and Nikolas. In the beginning, she thought they were a good match; two outsiders, comforting each other. Now she’s not so sure. Elizabeth says they’re completely different people. Ava is an extrovert, and Nikolas has spent his life under the mercy of other people’s opinions. If he did something bad, it wasn’t bad enough, but if he did something good, it wasn’t good enough. He’s given up on his better angel from time to time. Ava says, no wonder he’s lonely. He puts up a great front, but when he’s home alone, he walks through the house, practically haunting it. He had such high hopes for his return, and he got what he wanted, but no one was happy for him. Elizabeth says, he did some reprehensible things. He should have thought twice about it, if he didn’t want to be held accountable. Ava thinks Nikolas thinks so too. It’s taking its toll. There’s an emptiness she can’t reach.

Chase tells Willow, it’s okay, but she says, it’s not. Wiley’s not a person to Nelle. He’s a means to an end; a weapon to use against Michael and his family. He knows Nelle better than anyone. Does he think if the worst happens, and Nelle gets Wiley, she can look past her selfish needs, and think about Wiley’s best interests? She sure as hell doesn’t. We flash back to Nelle in Charlie’s, saying she wants to change Wiley’s name to William; he’ll adjust. Willow tells her, Wiley is a person, and Nelle says she’s sick of Willow and her self-righteousness. She’ll raise Wiley how she pleases, and Willow needs to remember that her son is dead, and stay the hell away from Nelle’s. Willow throws a drink on Nelle. In the park, she tells Chase, sorry she keeps going on about it. Between her and Michael, it’s probably all he hears. He says, there’s a simple solution. It’s not easy, but the way to improve Michael’s chances in fighting Nelle is for Willow to marry him.

Michael tells Carly and Sasha, he keeps going back to Diane’s strategy. It won’t do any good to make Nelle look bad; he has to look good. Carly says, it’s not an acrimonious divorce. It’s not he said she said. Nelle’s crimes are a matter of public record. He says, if he piles it on Nele, it might make the judge more sympathetic. If he calls her out for the horrible, deranged things she’s done, it could backfire, and she could be seen as a victim. We flash back to Nelle being in the hospital, and Michael saying he’s not going anywhere. We move to Nelle saying she admires Carly as a mother. She made a mistake, but at least understand that she wanted to name the baby Morgan to honor him. Let her make things right. We see Nelle telling Michael, their son didn’t make it, and saying the crash killed him. It’s Michael’s fault. He was too busy trying to get her to confess. He says, she’s blaming him? Jonah is dead because of her. She says he was the one driving. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s his. He hated her so much, he killed their baby. He’s ruined everything. We flash back to Nelle in jail, telling Carly, if only she’d known Jonah was alive. Brad ripped him from the safety of her arms. Carly says Nelle will never see Wiley again, and if the legal system doesn’t do it, she will. At the hospital, Carly tells Michael, Nelle is a master victim, and Michael says he has to show the court the reason he’s the best parent for Wiley.

Willow says, Chase told Sasha it was insane, but he says he’s had time to think. He sees Willow agonizing over Wiley, but it’s not his decision to make; it’s hers. If she wants to help, she’s got to marry Michael. If her decision is not to marry him, she’s got to take a step back, and let it be Michael’s problem, not hers. We flash back to Michael telling Willow, Nelle is great at faking it, but she’s the real thing. It’s like saccharine versus sugar. One tastes fine, until you have the real thing. She’s the real thing, and the judge would see her love for Wiley.

Sonny says Cyrus knows better than to contact him, so he’s using Jason as a go-between. Jason asks, why risk it? and Sonny asks if he thinks it’s a risk. Jason says Cyrus ambushed Sonny once, he could do it again. Sonny says, maybe Cyrus wants peace, and Jason says, on his terms. Sonny says, if they were his terms, Cyrus would be gone, and Cyrus knows this. Jason says, Cyrus just got out of prison. The last thing he wants is to be charged with another crime. Sonny could call his bluff by making a concession. Sonny says, that’s not going to happen. He needs to know Cyrus’s next move.

The kids gather around the piñata, and Finn says it’s the moment they’ve been waiting for. Is everybody ready? Anna asks if Violet wants to be first, but Violet says, let somebody else go. Anna spins Violet around, and she points to Charlotte. Charlotte suggests Avery have her turn, but Olivia says if they start messing with the rules, somebody’s feelings will get hurt. Charlotte approaches the piñata, takes a ribbon, and pulls.

Jason tells Sonny, Cyrus is fresh out of prison, far from his base of operations, and lost an expensive shipment. Sonny says, his partners are unhappy, and Jason says, Cyrus can’t come after Sonny unless he knows it will work. It’s Sonny’s city, and he has all the advantages. Sonny says, not all. Cyrus has the Police Commissioner under his thumb. Jason says, Jordan could give Cyrus room to maneuver, and clamp down on them. If Cyrus is free to operate, over time, it could hurt them. Sonny says, that’s the key – over time.

Aiden pulls a piñata ribbon, but nothing happens. Franco tells him, it’s okay. He’s in a perfect position to dive for candy. Violet is spun around, and points to another child. Charlotte looks nervous, but the other kids keep taking a turn, and nothing happens. Danny pulls a ribbon, but still nothing, and now Charlotte is like, come on. Avery is up, but the piñata still doesn’t open. It’s Violet’s turn, and Anna asks where Robert is. He’ll want to see this. Olivia says she thinks he’s on the patio.

Robert looks around, and opens drawers. The front doorknob turns.

The kids chant Violet’s name. She pulls a ribbon, and candy rains down. The kids drop to the floor, scrambling for it. Ava says, it’s precious, and digs in her bag, presumably for her camera. She drops the bag, and Nagini slithers out. Everyone screams, and Charlotte smiles.

On Monday, Robert confronts Spinelli about looking for dirt on Peter (we assume it’s Spinelli whose jiggling the doorknob), Laura tells Lulu that Valentin wants the same thing they all do, and Valentin tells Nikolas to stay away from his daughter.

Tomorrow, the episode from January 17, 2018 is listed in the guide. I can’t decipher exactly which one it is, since the blurb is vague, but it’s around the time of Jim Harvey and Nathan being revealed as Obrecht and Faison’s son.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Ramona has made plans for the women to visit a vineyard. In her interview, she says she wants to make sure they’re not bored and fighting, so they’re going to a winery. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, surprise, surprise. LuAnn woke up complaining about her room. We see a clip where – horrors! – the Countess saw a spider, and tells everyone she’s going to the chiropractor. The women take a limo, and go to the vineyard restaurant for lunch. Leah orders merlot. In her interview, she says she’s not an alcoholic, but didn’t like what alcohol was doing to her life. She stopped drinking, but now drinks when she wants, and she’s been drinking a bit over the last six months. Ramona gets a text from LuAnn saying she can’t make it. She got her neck cracked, and the doctor told her to take it easy. She’ll see them later. In Leah’s interview, she asks, in what world would you invite someone battling sobriety to a winery, and act surprised when they don’t want to go? It’s not a big riddle. Dorinda says after only 24 hours, they got Leah to drink. Ramona says, the weekend isn’t over yet. I didn’t see them pour Leah’s wine, but WTF? It’s like maybe two sips. Either she guzzled something when I wasn’t looking, or they are cheap with a pour. At a winery. In Ramona’s interview, she says bonding means opening up with what they’re feeling inside, and we flash back to her and Bethenny discussing their fathers. She says, that’s how they get close and get to know one another, rather than talking about superficial stuff.

Ramona tells the women, she came from a disruptive household. Growing up, she would play music, and look out the window at the clouds, wondering what was out there for her. Years later, driving back from the Hamptons, she felt like she was sixteen again, questioning what was going on with her life. Dorinda says she has goosebumps, and Ramona tells them, she said, mommy, help me. Sonja is impressed with the self-realization, and says she’d thought Ramona was avoiding the topic. In Ramona’s interview, she says it’s important in life to feel safe with a person, and it scares her that she doesn’t have that in her life. Tinsley says she has the same feeling, and she doesn’t even have a child. At least all of them have had those things, and checked them off. Ramona says, it’s not a box you check, and Dorinda says she enjoys Tinsley, but she has frustration with her. It’s like how they were talking about icebergs on the Discovery channel. As big and beautiful as they are on the surface, 90% of them are under water. She feels like she’s only seeing the tip of Tinsley. It’s not about being nosey, but getting to know her. Sonja says she didn’t even know Tinsley had a new boyfriend.

Tinsley says, Bruce is from Chicago, and has three children and two ex-wives. She’s never really been around children, and was surprised she could deal with that, and be a part of the family. She doesn’t know if it’s going to be long term; she’s not used to being one of an army of people, and wonders, where does she fit in? Leah thinks Brett is being selfish. We see a clip of Leah asking Tinsley if she feels like she’s wasting her time, and Tinsley says she always feels that way. She tells the women, she probably won’t have her own kid with this guy. Every time she sees him, it’s with his family, and she needs alone time with him. Leah says, they’re also socializing with his friends. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she doesn’t like being sixth on the totem pole.

It’s Leah’s turn, and she tells everyone, after high school, her parents sent her to rehab. When they came to get her, they told her she wasn’t coming home. In her interview, she says she was an effed up teenager, and put her parents through hell. They told her that they couldn’t have her disrupting her brother’s and sister’s lives. She tells the women, her parents told her that they couldn’t have her there, and took her to a halfway house run by nuns. They drove her to a nunnery in Upstate New York, and drove off. She wondered what was happening to her life, but later realized that her mother was trying to save her life. She had to face the consequences of the things she was doing, but it gave her perseverance. She’s been though the worst. In Ramona’s interview, she says Leah had the vulnerably to confide in them, and she has empathy, since she went through a bit of that herself

Dorinda gets weepy, and says she needs another napkin. She’s been crying for a month, and doesn’t know what’s wrong with her. She says she’s scared every day, and starts to cry. Leah asks what she’s scared of, and Ramona comes around the table and hugs her. Dorinda says everyone thinks she’s strong and able. She’s the anchor for everyone’s boat, but sometimes she wants to be the boat, and be anchored by someone else. Ramona says Dorinda is overwhelmed, and Dorinda says she’s always running the show. Ramona says Dorinda does for everybody, and in Dorinda’s interview, she says, life is heavy. She wakes up worried, and goes to bed worried, and has no one to share the burden with. John never had these kinds of responsibilities. She’s tapped out. Leah says the pressure is always on women to do everything.

Ramona says Sonja is next. Sonja says she’s at the point Ramona was, wondering how she got there. She runs around, pays the bills, and has one foot in the nursing home. She didn’t sign up for this. Then you die. Dorinda says, she thought they were supposed to be expressing their hearts, and Leah wonders where the oxygen tank is. In her interview, Dorinda says, Sonja has had a couple of drinks, and she’s talking about everything except what makes her vulnerable. Stop her. Ramona looks at her phone, and says she’s checking on where she’s having her party. In her interview, she says she’s having a fabulous cocktail party at Joe Ferrell’s home. It’s stunning, and the women’s mouths are going to drop.

Back at the house, Tinsley tells Leah, she went on a date with Joe, and it was the lamest date ever. It was a basketball game. Leah says, and he didn’t even feed her or anything. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she found out he’d also dated Bethenny. He wasn’t her type, and she doesn’t think he drinks either.

LuAnn gets back, and in her interview, she says she didn’t want to miss any bonding, but she’s glad she took care of her neck. She didn’t sleep well, and between the spiders and the smell, she’s not comfortable. Dorinda asks how Ramona’s afternoon was, and Ramona admits she had had date. In her interview, Dorinda says she’s never seen a person slip in and out of dates so quickly. It’s like sliding doors. We flash back to Ramona leaving various events for a date, and Dorinda says, it’s impressive. Ramona says he was Persian, sexy, and more flirtatious than she is.

Ramona tells LuAnn to come to her bathroom to do makeup. LuAnn goes upstairs, and in her interview, Ramona says LuAnn’s floral dress does not belong in the Hamptons. It belongs in Nantucket or Atlanta. In LuAnn’s interview, she says she’s glad she missed lunch. By the looks of it, Sonja was over-served, and they’re not even at the party yet.

On the way to the party, in one limo, Ramona tells Dorinda that Joe is a major developer. In the other limo, LuAnn tells Sonja that she’s interested to see the house. Sonja says, Ramona is a social butterfly, who needs to be knocked down a notch. It’s not a good look. Sonja says she’s trying to hang onto her long term friends, but Ramona is more interested in the rent-a-crowd, party filler people. In Sonja’s interview, she says, Ramona is showing off her fancy friends, but it’s just another boring party, with stiff people, and a lot of small talk. She thinks Ramona forgot what’s important in life.

The house, named Sandcastle, is massive, and there’s a humongous mirror in the entryway. Ramona says she’s in love with it, which is no surprise. LuAnn says the house is for sale, and Sonja says no wonder they were invited. She realizes that the four of them sharing the limo – her, LuAnn, Tinsley, and Leah – all have mug shots. Leah’s says, it’s a bunch of weird white people, and in her interview, she says, it’s not the type of party she’s used to. It’s weird Eyes Wide Shut sh*t. By the end, she’s going to be taken to a back room and made to be someone’s bitch. (I just have to interject that I had a hard time keeping my eyes wide open when I saw Eyes Wide Shut. It wasn’t nearly as interesting as I thought it would be, and that one-note piano score was sleep inducing.) Sonja is disappointed that there’s no gin, and goes for Tito’s. Ramona introduces everyone, and Sonja says she’s being so formal. In Tinsley’s interview, she says, Sonja lived like Ramona is pretending to. Sonja tells Ramona, they might be in a $39 million home, but act like she’s in her $7 million home; she likes to be down-to-earth. In Ramona’s interview, she says, with Sonja, she has to bring herself down, while with her other friends, she has to elevate herself.

Ramona accuses Leah of chewing gum, like it’s a crime, and Leah says, no, she’s not. She walks outside with Tinsley, and says she swallowed it. Ramona’s eyes scared the hell out of her. She saw Ramona’s eyes, and just swallowed the gum. Ramona just scolded her, but she’s not from the royal family. Inside, Sonja says she thinks Leah is classy, but doesn’t look classy; she’s rough around the edges. Ramona thanks Joe for letting her use the house. In her interview, Tinsley says, it’s weird seeing Joe. She thinks he and Ramona would make a good couple. The way Ramona is batting her lashes, he seems to be into it. She tells Leah, Ramona is flirting as usual. In her interview, Leah says, Joe seems like a nice older gentlemen. Men who are short and unattractive still have women running after them if they have money. It’s the world we live in. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, it’s hard not to drink. The bar is there, and everyone is drinking. She was hoping Leah would be her wingman by not drinking, but it’s not happening. She’s lost her sober companion.

Ramona gathers everyone for a house tour, and they check out the bowling alley in the basement. The women are impressed, and Joe says his house just made him hotter. In her interview, Leah says, exhibit A. She rests her case. Tinsley is having a hard time bowling in heels, and gets a gutter ball. On the way downstairs, Dorinda tells LuAnn that she thinks touring houses is tacky. In her interview, Dorinda says she lived with her husband in London, and they don’t do house tours. You see the living room and the dining room, and maybe the kitchen. Maybe. LuAnn and Dorinda do some bowling, and LuAnn gets a strike. In another room, Joe shows them a half pipe he had put in for his son, and a DJ booth. There’s also a swing that can be hoisted to the ceiling, and when Ramona goes up in it, it makes me nervous. It’s not like there’s a seat belt.

Mutual friend Elyse joins them, and Dorinda says she was married to a hedge fund guy. They discuss clothes, and Elyse says she’s not a huge shopper. Investments, yes; clothes, no. Sonja says her husband always bought her clothes, and Elyse says Sonja was his accessory. Sonja takes offense, insisting they were partners. Elyse says Sonja was a trophy wife, and Sonja starts to get loud, telling Elyse to clip it. Elyse says, Sonja brought men to their knees, and Sonja keeps repeating, take it back, until Elyse takes it back. Sonja says, Tinsley was a trophy wife, which annoys Tinsley. In Tinsley’s interview, she says she and Topper met at boarding school, and they were the same age. Sonja was a hostess when she met her husband, who was a hundred. That’s the definition of a trophy wife. Sonja announces that she doesn’t shave her p*ssy. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, Sonja is drunk, but she doesn’t think Elyse should be talking like that. It’s no one’s business to pass judgement on what roll any of them played in their husbands’ lives. LuAnn tells Dorinda, Sonja is off the rails, and shouldn’t have kept drinking. She’s going to be out like a light. Dorinda says, or it will be batten down the hatches.

The women check out the buffet, and LuAnn wants someone to tell her why she left her own beautiful house to spend the weekend in Ramona’s basement. It smells like dog piss. In LuAnn’s interview, she says, the room is also fully stocked with liquor. She noticed. Sonja tells Ramona to go sit with her rich friends. She’s treating them like chicken liver. Everyone is like, um… that’s chopped liver. In Ramona’s interview, she says, when Sonja acts like this, it’s no wonder she’s not invited to certain events. Sonja says they’re not important to Ramona, and Dorinda says, Sonja is on a roll. Leah sits down, and Sonja points to a young guy sitting at the table, saying he wants to have sex with her. Leah says, who wouldn’t want to have sex with her? In Leah’s interview, she says, watching Sonja eye-f*** this dude is the best part of the whole party. She wonders if Sonja would say, never mind, if he had a tattoo. She doesn’t think so. The guy asks if Sonja wants a drink, and Ramona suggests he get Sonja some club soda. Sonja tells him, just show her his driver’s license, and they’re good to go. She has an amazing vagina. LuAnn joins them, wondering what’s happening, and Sonja asks how her p*ssy is. LuAnn looks down, and says, it’s all still there. Sonja says she stole the show, but they’re not getting laid tonight. It’s all quite astonishing. And astonishing that Sonja is invited anywhere.

In her interview, Leah says, Sonja is not just entertaining, she’s embarrassing. They get up from the table, and Sonja says Ramona is a party popper [sic]. Ramona says, the party is over, and Sonja says, Ramona is over. She tries to latch on to a guy going past, and LuAnn says he’s married and has a baby. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, it’s like Godzilla has been let loose, and Godzilla is drunk. Ramona steers them all out, and a guy named Eddie asks if every night is like this.

Sonja tries to go back, but Dorinda says, no, you’re not. Sonja says Dorinda is getting in between her and her vagina. Dorinda wonders why Sonja does this to herself – and them.

I’ve been wondering why I like this show when it’s just as drama laden as RHOBH. The lightbulb came on just now. The women are just as self-centered, and sometimes as mean, as the women in Beverly Hills. But when they’re mean, it’s because they want attention or they’re thoughtless – not because they’re deliberately being cruel or want to get back at each other. Huge difference. Same drama, but different intention. It’s kind of like the difference between 2 Broke Girls and King of Queens. The people are both awful, but on 2 Broke Girls, you know when push came to shove, they’d do anything for one another or even to help a stranger. On King of Queens, they’d trample each other to get to a fire exit. But they’re not real, so it can be funny. Okay, digression – and commercial break – over.

It’s 10 am, when Dorinda knocks on Ramona’s door. She says, there’s a problem. LuAnn left, and she’s written an out-of-control text. Ramona says she saw a car pull out last night, and thought someone stole her car. Dorinda doesn’t know why she was cc’d, and reads the text addressed to Ramona. LuAnn says, it’s not the fish room part two. She has an amazing home, and there, she had to share a bathroom with someone she didn’t know or be in the basement, where there’s dog piss and spiders. She’s always lowest on the totem pole when it comes to rooms. Ramona says she asked LuAnn if she wanted a room on the  ground floor, and thinks LuAnn just wanted to go home. Dorinda wonders why LuAnn can’t just say she doesn’t want be downstairs, and that it feels lonely. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, LuAnn always has an issue with the room. We flash back to Vermont, when LuAnn whined that she was just married and back from Palm Springs, so her room could have been nicer; and Great Barrington, where LuAnn griped that the best room was being saved for Bethenny, who’d just been through a tragedy. Dorinda says, and Ramona’s house. Dorinda thinks there’s a theme going on here.

Ramona calls LuAnn, and gets voicemail. Dorinda tells her to be careful with what she says. Ramona says she hopes LuAnn got home safe. She’s sorry LuAnn felt isolated, and that she wasn’t being more aware of how LuAnn felt. She was concentrating on superficial things, when it was important to bond, and she never meant to make LuAnn feel that way. She asks LuAnn to come back, and she’ll try to make it up to her. I’m kind of surprised, since Ramona actually sounds sincere. She tells Dorinda that LuAnn felt rejected, and she gets that. In her interview, Ramona says she doesn’t want LuAnn to feel bad. She was preparing for eight women, cooking, cleaning, and shopping, and effed up.

Sonja wonders what happened last night, and thinks she had a great time. Ramona asks if she’s straight yet, and tells her about LuAnn leaving at 1 am. In Sonja’s interview, she says LuAnn was humbled by her probation for ten seconds. Now everything’s not good enough. Sonja reads the text, and they all want to see the basement, and troop downstairs. Sonja deems it a party palace. In Dorinda’s interview, she says, it was either sleeping in the guest room, or being home. A bed, television, and bathroom is enough.

Ramona’s phone rings. It’s LuAnn.

Next time, Ramona and LuAnn have a tennis match; a cute dog groomer comes to groom Marley, and LuAnn says she’d like to be groomed; a game of beer pong is played; Leah goes off the deep end; and Ramona wails over the remnants of a very messy party.

📡 John Olivier and LuAnn were guests on Watch What Happens Live (quarantine edition), and John was too funny. He was enthralled with next week’s RHONY preview, and how it went from, I think there’s vodka in that, to I think she’ll be okay, to a naked Leah pulling a tiki torch out of the ground, to a guy nobody knows saying, I think I should go. He said, if someone would ask which he liked better, that or Parasite, he would say Parasite, but he’d be lying.

👨🏾‍🍳 On Top Chef, the chefs arrived to find stations for each of them, with utensils, aprons, and tablets. They each got a phone call from a loved one; wives, moms, sisters, and friends, and chatted for a while. Padma came in and told them to gather around. Their loved ones were going to be an integral part of the Quickfire challenge. They were all at Mozza, an upscale restaurant, and the chefs would have to replicate whatever dish their person was eating, using their instructions given over the phone. The dish had to look and taste the same, but a photo couldn’t be texted. They had thirty minutes to cook the dish, which I probably don’t have to point out, isn’t very long. As usual, the winner would be exempt from elimination, but they would also receive $10K courtesy of the show’s partner, Metro. Kevin said the run for ingredients reminded him of the streets of Manhattan; everyone was running around like lunatics, wearing headphones, and screaming at someone no one else could see. Since each loved one had a different set of communication skills, it was pretty funny to watch the chefs try to decipher what it was they were going to make. After cooking/plating time was up, a photo of the dish was texted to them, so they could see how close they came. Guest judge Nancy Silverton, owner of the Mazzo restaurant group, and whose dishes were being reproduced, was introduced. Bryan had a totally different dish, so it was the least favorite, but Nancy made a point of saying it was still delicious. Kevin was the winner (aw! I like him), and he called his wife, saying that her being super detail oriented panned out. In his interview, he said his successes had always been because of her, and he was glad they got the opportunity to enjoy the victory together.

Nancy explained that, in addition to her restaurants, she was also an entrepreneur. She had the Bakery Bread company, and was starting a gelato line called Nancy’s Fancy. The chefs were to create a signature product to bring to the Westfield Century City Food Festival. They would be giving out samples of food using their creation, and the shoppers would each get one ticket to receive one product. The chefs’ loved ones would assist them in the making of the product, and they were given $600 to shop at Whole Foods. While making dumplings, the kitchen got a little too hot for Lee Anne’s mom, who came close to fainting, and had to lie down. In Lee Anne’s interview, she said her mom was her main consideration, but she still had to be in the competition – alone – and finish a million dumplings. Okay, it was really 150. Several of the others came to rescue, and she said she was touched that she had great people willing help. I was pretty impressed with that myself. Afterwards, Bryan ranked the others in a notebook, no surprise, putting himself at the top. He’s starting to get on my nerves.

At the food festival, the chefs labeled their products. Melissa ended up being the top seller, receiving tickets for 31 bottles of kimchee vinaigrette. She said she’d wanted to create a versatile product, which seemed to be key. Nancy picked Gregory as the winner of the challenge with some Haitian pickled veggies that I wouldn’t mind a jar of. The bottom three were Stephanie, Jennifer, and Bryan full of Malarkey. In his interview, he whined that his product sold well, and tasted amazing, because he knows better than the judges. Stephanie was told her marinara sauce was nothing different than was already out there. Bryan’s salsa whatever was oily, and Tom said it was confusing as to what he was actually selling. Stephanie’s ginger lemon sauce, which sounded like a good idea, was deemed not smooth enough by Tom, and Nancy thought Stephanie had diluted the flavor by mixing in yogurt. Tom did say he was impressed with how quickly the chefs all came up decent product on the first try, saying it had taken twelve times for him to get his first product correct. He also conceded that in a crowded market, it was hard to get something to stand out.

While I was hoping Bryan would be packing his knives and going, it was Jennifer who was moving on to Last Chance Kitchen. She says she was from Philly, and Rocky kept coming back. In her interview, she told us, the competition had done so much good for her; she’d learned a lot about herself. She started off wanting things done her way, and it motivated her to be better. She now accepted that she makes mistakes, and wanted to learn. Her best memory was going to be cooking with her sister. The loss couldn’t change how happy the challenge made her.

Next time, the elimination challenge will be a celebration of the 100^th Anniversary of the L.A. Philharmonic, the chefs will pair up, and it will be a double elimination. In the preview, Lee Anne said shopping with Bryan was like shopping with monkeys on crack.

🏕 Coming May 4^th…

I’m hoping this isn’t like Summer House at camp, but it looks like it probably is.

https://www.bravotv.com/camp-getaway

👯‍♂️ But Not Too Close…

We’re getting there, and I hope in the meantime, you’re getting up and getting dressed. No slippers before 6 pm, and make that bed. Unless you don’t normally make your bed, then disregard that. Stay safe, and wear that mask with pride.