What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Tracy stands on the stairs listening, and says, she’d know that car anywhere. She walks to the door saying, five, four, three, two, one, and opens it just as Lucy is about to knock. She says, what a surprise, and Lucy says, is it though? Is it really a surprise? She walks in, and Tracy says, we’ll see.

Chase brings Brook the phone she left in the bathroom, and she says, checking her social media while blow-drying her hair is a bad habit. He kisses her, and she says, this is a good habit. She’s tempted to suggest they call in sick for work, but she knows he’d never consider it. He says he won’t call in sick, but maybe he can show up a little late. He kisses her again and there’s a knock at the door. It’s Maxie, who asks if Brook is here.

Ava walks into the gallery where Mason is waiting, his perpetual lollypop in his mouth. She asks what he’s doing here. The gallery isn’t open. He says, the door was unlocked, and she says, the sign says closed. She has nothing to say to him. He tells her, shut up. She set them up. The boss is pissed and it’s not good.

Sonny tells Carly that he was just playing with Donna’s favorite doll. She’s making a parade or something. Carly says she heard all about it. A celebration for when daddy gets home. Let’s just say things haven’t been good in Donna’s doll world the last few days. She asks how he explained to Donna what happened, and he says he just told her the FBI made a mistake, he had to stay with the FBI until it was cleared up, and everything’s fine now. There’s nothing to worry about. She says, they both know that’s not true.

Dante calls Anna, and says he wants her to know he hasn’t forgotten about her. He’s just waiting on confirmation about something, and once he has it, she’ll be interested in seeing it for sure. He’ll talk to her soon. Sam comes in, and he asks if she had an early class. She says she did a little yoga, yes. She feels centered. He should try it sometime. He says, maybe he will, and kisses her. He says, seeing she’s centered, maybe it’s a good time to talk about what they’re going to do about their friends, the fugitives.

Cody wakes up and sees Sasha is gone. He runs outside.

Carly gives Sonny some coffee, and says she’s relieved and grateful that the charges were dropped. He thanks her, and she says, not just because of the kids. She doesn’t want to see him suffer. He says he feels the same way, and she says she doesn’t believe for a second the FBI made a mistake. They obviously had enough evidence against him, so what happened? He says, the Feds were expecting something not exactly legal, and what they found was incredible coffee. She says, which he only receives at the warehouse, never at the pier. And he never ships coffee in the middle of the night, so there must have been a reason it was on the docks. It’s almost like he knew the FBI was going to bust him. He says he didn’t know that was going to happen, but he did lay some false breadcrumbs to feed his enemy. She says, what enemy? and he says, that’s what he’s going to find out, and he will.

Mason says, Ava made a mistake trying to play the boss, and she tells him, leave or she’ll call the cops. He’s trespassing. He says, really? She’s going to call the cops? When he has evidence she murdered her ex-husband? Don’t forget who has the body with her DNA all over it. She says, they had a deal. She did her part. He says, they know what she did. The deal was that she helped them in exchange for getting the body, but she decided to double-cross them. She says, that’s absolutely untrue, and he says, the evidence, the information Betty gave them was false. It was a set-up. That means Sonny was warned, and the only person who could have done that was her.

Tracy asks if Lucy wants to discuss the case, or does she want to make a deal. Lucy says, first she’d like information, and Tracy says she understands. There’s a thing called discovery. That’s what lawyers do. Lucy’s lawyer can contact her lawyer, and all of Lucy’s questions can be answered… in six months when the trial – if and when they go to trial – and by the way, discovery ends, she thinks, two weeks before the trial. (Huh?) Lucy says she knows that. Tracy knows she doesn’t have time to wait. She needs answers now. Tracy says she understands, but unfortunately, that’s not the way the legal system works. She’s going to have to be patient. Is there something else she can help Lucy with? This could all go away. 75/25. She’s taken the liberty of drawing up the papers. There’s just a few places to sign and she’s marked them. Lucy says, gee, thank you so much. She’s not signing anything. Tracy asks if that isn’t why she’s here, to make a deal, but Lucy says, there’s no deal. Can they just stop this? Drop the pretense. She knows Tracy doesn’t have any of the schematics on The Deceptor. Prove she’s got something. Show her what she’s got.

Brook says she was just about to head to the office, and Maxie says, that’s what she thought. Maxie’s new digs are on the way to Brook’s new digs, so she thought she’d take a chance and see if Brook was still here. Chase asks if he can offer Maxie a cup of coffee, but Maxie says she doesn’t want to hold him up. She knows how much policing he has to do with Mac as Commissioner. She knows what a demon he can be sometimes, so… Chase says, she’s right about that. He’s going to skip the lecture today, thank you very much. He tells Brook that he loves her and not to work too hard. He leaves, and Brook asks how the move went, but Maxie says she didn’t stop by to catch up. Why did Brook give The Deceptor information to Tracy?

Sam says, the best way Dante can help Cody and Sasha is to stay as ignorant as possible. Dante says, the problem is, he can’t ignore that a friend of his escaped a mental facility and took one of its patients with him, and she says, they went over this last night. He needs deniability. He says he did, and he appreciates she wants to protect him, and she says, of course (🍷) she does. She loves him and she knows he loves being a cop. She doesn’t want him to do anything to compromise that. He says he gets it. He loves her and wants to protect her too. It seems he’s not the only one who could be compromised by this whole thing. He got an update on the case, and for helping Cody, she made herself an accessory to kidnapping and assault. She says, what assault? and he says, Cody attacked Sasha’s psychiatrist, a guy named Dr. Montague. She asks if he just said Dr. Montague.

Cody finds Sasha outside, and she says, it feels so good to breathe fresh air; the smell of a forest instead of disinfectant. He says, good morning, and she says she has no idea how long she was at Ferncliff, but she remembers lying on that bed just wishing she was outside; feel the sun on her face, breathe freely. And here she is, because of him. He says, so she’s not mad at him for busting her out of there? and she says she’s never been more grateful to anyone in her life. He says, she’s welcome. Aside from being able to breathe freely, how is she really feeling? She says she’s confused. What actually happened last night?

Mac asks if there’s any update on the APB on Cody Bell and Sasha Gilmore, but the desk sergeant says, no sightings yet. Mac says, let him know when that changes, when Jordan comes in and asks for a word. They go into the interrogation room, and she says, the FBI busts Sonny Corinthos and lets him go. And meanwhile, they’ve got two escaped mental patients running around. What the hell is going on here?

Cody asks what Sasha remembers, and she says she remembers being in more pain than she’s ever felt. She remembers being terrified someone, Cody, was going to hurt her, but he didn’t. He sat with her. He helped her. He says, she had pretty severe withdrawal symptoms (BTW, do not try that at home), and she says, the doctors and nurses kept saying she was using, that she had someone slipping her drugs, but she swears she didn’t. He says he knows. He believes her. She asks why he would. Everyone knows she’s gotten clean before and relapsed. There’s a huge stigma about people slipping back into using. Why wouldn’t he think she’d gone the same way? He says, two reasons. One, she told him; and two, he knows exactly who’s drugging her. It was Dr. Montague.

Sam tells Dante that she ran into Dr. Montague, literally, when she was there for Cody’s evaluation. Look. She shows him her phone and says  she didn’t think anything of it at the time. She didn’t know he had anything to do with Sasha, and she accidentally spilled a cup of coffee on his phone. She was washing it off and a call came in from a Gladys; not a very common name. He agrees, and she says, this could be the smoking gun that proves Gladys messed with Sasha, just like Cody said. And if Dr. Montague is the psychiatrist… He says, or because he’s Sasha’s psychiatrist, Gladys called him to get a prognosis because she’s Sasha’s guardian. Sam says, there’s another thing she didn’t tell him. She mentioned something offhand about playing cards, and Montague said he had a game he played in regularly, and said there would be a spot for her. She got the feeling he was talking high stakes. Dante says, the game at The Savoy, the poker game in the back room, and she says, they both know that Gladys loves to gamble. He says, so maybe Gladys met Dr. Montague there.

Tracy says, Lucy should know better than to ask her that, and Lucy says, what she wants to know better is why. Why does Tracy actually think she owns the rights to The Deceptor? Does she even have a prototype? Does she know the word prototype? Tracy says, Lucy doesn’t understand; she won’t comment on that. Lucy says, just tell her. How did Tracy get it? Tracy says, her lawyer told her not to discuss the case, but Lucy says, there isn’t a case. All Tracy has is her attempt to steal The Deceptor through legal intimidation. She thinks this is about Tracy. Tracy wants to get revenge on her because she can’t stand her nasty, miserable life. Tracy says, tempting bait, but she won’t bite. There’s a deal on the table, and Lucy is here because she realizes this is her best and only option. So why doesn’t Lucy save them a lot of trouble, and give her what she wants, 75% of Deception.

Ava asks Mason, why would warn Sonny? She and Sonny have been arguing over their daughter since the day she was born. Mason says, so she wants to get in his good books, but she says, that’s absurd. He would wonder what kind of leverage Mason had over her, and then she would have to tell him about Nikolas’s accidental death. Then he would take Avery away from her in a heartbeat. She did exactly as she was told. She got Betty hired. She made sure Betty had open access to Sonny’s home. If Betty screwed up and got him bad information, she thinks that’s his fault for using someone incompetent. It certainly has nothing to do with her.

Sonny tells Carly, all he knows is that Dr. Gatlin-Holt and his cousin Mason work for this person, and they pressured Ava into getting information about him. She says, pressured Ava how? Do they have something on her? Are they blackmailing her? He says, that’s a need-to-know, and he doesn’t think she needs to know. She says she needs to know if he’s protecting Ava.

Tracy says, as Lucy can see, it’s quite straightforward. All she has to do is sign, and she continues working at the company, and reaps the benefits of The Deceptor and anything else Deception expends out to. Lucy takes the contract out of Tracy’s hand, and Tracy asks if Lucy came there to waste her time. Lucy rips the contract in half and says, 75/25 is off the table. She did not put her heart and soul into a company just to give it away for some measly percentage. Tracy says she does understand. After all the work Lucy put into the company, it would be difficult to give up any amount, any percentage. So if not 75/25, what would she be amenable to? Lucy says, Deception’s a whole lot more than just The Deceptor, so she guesses if – and that’s a great big fat if – Tracy came up with a similar product at the exact same time, and can prove it, maybe she can settle for 50/50. Tracy laughs, and says, Lucy is way off base. 65/35.

Brook says, it’s complicated, and Maxie says she takes that as a yes. Brook stole information and gave it to Tracy. She doesn’t know why she didn’t see this sooner. Brook left Deception because she wanted to get into music, then all of a sudden, she’s back. Lucy was under the impression that Maxie rehired Brook, when Maxie thought Lucy rehired her. But all this time, she was really working for Tracy. Brook took advantage of their friendship and Maxie’s trust, so she could steal information about their most valuable product. Brook, looking very sad, says, yes. That’s exactly what she did.

Jordan asks what Mac is doing about it, and he says, they have an APB out on the Ferncliff inmates, Cody Bell and Sasha Gilmore. She says, Sasha? But she was committed right after stabbing Cody. Is it possible he may have taken her for revenge? Mac says, it’s highly unlikely. He knows Cody. He’s convinced Cody means her no harm. She says, it sounds like he might have an idea why Cody took her. It’s been reported as a kidnapping. Mac says he doesn’t think it was a kidnapping, and Jordan says she’s learned to trust his instincts, but that doesn’t change the fact they’re fugitives and need to be found.

At the station, Agent Moss (aka the guy I thought was the US Attorney) asks to see Commissioner Scorpio, and the desk sergeant says, he’s in the interrogation room. Chase says he can show Agent Moss in, and brings him to Mac. Mac says he assumes Moss is here with information on the Sonny Corinthos case.

Sonny tells Carly, the person he’s protecting is Avery. It’s not good to have her mother be put in the middle of something shady. Carly asks what Ava did, and Sonny says, Ava came to his place looking for something, but she didn’t get it. Then they made it look like Pilar messed up, so Ava would fire her. Carly says, Pilar was a set-up, and he says, yeah. Then they pressured Ava into hiring Betty, which was their plant. She says, so Mason and Austin sent Betty to get information on him, and Ava had to go along. No wonder she was so worried about Betty. Carly wondered why she hired someone she didn’t like. Sonny says, she didn’t have a choice; he didn’t have a choice. So what he did was switch the game. Instead of Betty playing fetch with them, he had her deliver a parcel from him. She says, which was? and he says, exactly what they were looking for, but he and Brick made a few modifications. She says, he gave them false information, and he says, so Mason and Austin must’ve taken the bait back to their boss. She says, that’s why he asked her about Austin’s visit to Pentenville. So their boss, Sonny’s enemy, is inside Pentenville.

Sam tells Dante, Cody admitted he was playing poker for Selina Wu, and said that Gladys was in there and she lost big. He says, that’s convenient, considering she controls all of Sasha’s money, and she says, not to mention, she sold Brando’s garage. He asks if Sam thinks she’s really using these funds to repay debts, and Sam says she does. It certainly seems like that. Just think about it. Sasha was doing so much better. Maxie was going around telling everyone how well she handled that TV show, and Sasha was working so hard to end her conservatorship so she could have control of her own assets. He says, and if she was able to do that, she would have seen what Gladys is doing with the money, and Gladys wouldn’t want that to happen. She says, no. Gladys had to make sure Sasha stayed mentally unfit. He says, so Gladys must have met Montague at the poker game, and gotten him to help her do something to Sasha. Son of a bitch! He bangs the table with his fist.

Sasha tells Cody that Dr. Montague gave her injections. He said they were to help her get off the drugs, but she kept telling him that she wasn’t on any drugs. She never got anything from anybody. Cody says, this is really important. When she went live on that show on Home & Heart, she did great. She kept her cool under a very stressful situation. Was she on any medication at all at that time? She says, just her antidepressant. She’d been taking them for eight months, but they were prescribed by her old psychiatrist. He says, what about after that? Any other medications? She says, yes. She was taking the pills Dr. Montague gave her.

Maxie says, so Brook admits it, and she’s just going to stand there like she stole Maxie’s yogurt from the work fridge. Brook says she’s not trying to minimize what she did. She is so, so sorry, but she swears she had no idea what Tracy was going to do with that information about The Deceptor. Maxie says, Brook, better than anyone, knows what a schemer Tracy is. Did Brook think she was just too cheap to buy one, so she was going to build one for herself? Brook says, Tracy told her that she just wanted to know about it, and Maxie says, Tracy always has an agenda. Brook had to know Tracy was going to use that information against them. Brook says she was desperate. She owed Tracy big time, and this is how she collected. When Chase was kicked off the police force for defending her, she was supposed to write a letter to help him get reinstated, but she hesitated because she was too selfish. She was too scared of losing him, but she knew she had to fix it. So she went to her grandmother. She said she could pull some strings and get him a second hearing. It was like an angel came down to earth to right all of the wrongs. Well, that angel quickly turned demon when she threatened to go tell Chase unless Brook got her the information on The Deceptor. Maxie knows how much Chase hates being manipulated. Maxie says, stop. She’s heard enough. They are not in high school anymore. Brook put Maxie’s job, her livelihood, at risk because she couldn’t be honest with her boyfriend? Didn’t he break up with her once before because she lied to him? Has she learned nothing? Brook could not look sadder.

Lucy says, Tracy is absolutely impossible, and Tracy says, Lucy really doesn’t have any other options. She can let Deception slide into oblivion as the case drags on for months with appeals and delays. And of course (🍷) Lucy will have her real estate business. She thinks the Quartermaines have some swampland in Putnam County she can offload. Lucy says, 60/40, okay? That way Tracy gets to keep control – because that’s what Tracy loves, control – and she keeps a decent share, but there will be a clause that Tracy can’t remove her as CEO, and can’t take her off any of her board positions. Okay? Tracy says, through their history, there’s one thing she’s come to bank on. Lucy is a grifter. She’ll always look out for number one, but she does understand the disparity in their percentages is disconcerting. Even a tiny amount could be humiliating. She’s feeling extremely generous today. How about 51/49? That’s just a one percent difference. Lucy says, 51/49, really. Deal. She picks up her bag and says she guesses they’ll get in touch with each other to draw up that paperwork, but Tracy says, there’s one other detail. The deal is contingent on Lucy returning her 1% voting rights in ELQ.

Moss says he’d like a private talk, but Mac says, Deputy Mayor Ashford was Police Commissioner, before she took over for the mayor, and she worked for the DEA. Detective Chase is one of their finest. Anything Moss can say to him, he can say to them. Moss says, when they arrested Sonny Corinthos and seized his shipment, they were acting on information that he was illegally transporting classified weapons. The charges were dropped because there was nothing in the crates but coffee. Jordan says, it sounds like Sonny was one step ahead of them, and Moss says, he was, but that won’t always be the case.

Sonny tells Carly that he has reason to believe his enemy is inside Pentenville, but he’s not quite sure. The only connection there is between his false information that Betty stole and his arrest, is Gatlin-Holt’s trip to Pentenville. He had them both followed after Betty delivered the goods. Mason went to some working girl, and Austin went to Pentenville. Carly says, Mason sounds like a great guy (I literally lol), and Sonny says he’s thinking Austin was there to give some information to someone. And then in turn, the FBI got it. Either they’re trying to take him down, or they’re just trying to get points with the Feds. Or both. She says, so he needs to know who Austin saw during his visit at Pentenville, and he says, that’s where she can help him out. She says, really, and he says, if she’s willing.

Ava tells Mason, Sonny didn’t get where he is by being stupid. He’s more than capable of picking up on that sociopathic gleam in Betty’s eyes. Maybe Betty’s sweet act wasn’t as convincing as Mason thought it would be. Has that ever occurred to him? Maybe Sonny realized she was a plant and decided to turn the tables. She’s pretty sure that would make this his fault, wouldn’t it? For using the wrong operative. He says, not a story he wants to take back to his boss, and she says, take this back to the boss. She did her part. She just wants this to be over. She didn’t say anything to Sonny. She doesn’t intend to say anything to Sonny. Her life and the lives of the people she cares about mean too much to her. He says, we’ll be in touch, and leaves.

Dante tells Sam that he’s sorry. He’s never liked Gladys. He just didn’t trust her. She seemed all money grubbing, and she lied all the time, but he thought she was basically harmless. She was Sonny’s family, and Mike liked her. Poor Brando. He was a good guy and he had Gladys as a mother? He thought when Brando died, she cared and would want to do right by his widow, but he guesses not. Cody saw through her. (Well, he saw her at the poker game.) Sam says, Dante had no way of knowing, but he says, he’s a detective. Come on, he was blinded. Cody’s been talking about her for months, but Dante had his own stupid misgivings about Cody, and it messed up his judgement. Sam knew. She said it. Why didn’t he listen? Why did it get this far?

Sasha says, after her second session with Dr. Montague, he gave her some pills for anxiety, and Cody asks what the prescription was for. She says, he just gave her a bottle of pills and told her to take three a day, which she did. He asks if she even knew what she was taking. He’s sorry. She says, it all started then. She remembers she was feeling so impulsive, full of energy. She wanted to celebrate everything and she had no control. She couldn’t keep track of things, but she didn’t care. That’s when the shoplifting incident happened. He says, she was taking the pills the whole time? and she says, three a day. He says, Montague was drugging her long before she got sent to Ferncliff. Sasha says, why? Why would he do it?

Moss says, this goes no further than the room, and Mac says, of course (🍷). Moss says, they believe Mr. Corinthos is involved in the trafficking and sale of these restricted weapons. While they haven’t been able to prove it, this is an ongoing investigation. There are possible ties to the government and the private sectors, and they’ll continue to monitor Corinthos. Mac asks what the FBI expects from the PCPD in terms of cooperation, and Moss says, Corinthos has a son here in the department, Detective Dante Falconari. He was present at his father’s arraignment. If there’s any reason to suspect Detective Falconari is feeding his father information, or giving him any kind of assistance, they want to know about it. Lots of soap looks all around.

Lucy says, Tracy has been waiting years and years and years to spring this on her, hasn’t she? Tracy can’t stand the fact she has 1% of her family legacy. Tracy says, Lucy wormed her way into her family by taking advantage of her brother’s weakness. Lucy had an affair with him when he was married to Monica. Lucy says, so they’re going to bring this up now? Really? Monica was to blame too, because she slept with Tracy’s son Ned. Tracy says, the point is, Lucy blackmailed her into appointing her CEO. That is one of her biggest regrets. Lucy says, that is ancient, ancient history. Why in the world is she dredging that up now? Tracy says, because she is here to prevent the Quartermaine ship from running aground. Somebody has to get this family back on course, and if her son can’t do it, she has to do it. Lucy has clung to this family like a barnacle (another ha-ha from me), and it’s time they scrape off anything that doesn’t belong, and that means her. One percent voting rights in ELQ, and that is her final offer. Lucy says, nev-er, and walks out. Tracy says, ha. We’ll see.

Brook tells Maxie that she knows how this sounds and she’s not making excuses. But she loves Chase, more than she ever thought was possible. All she cared about was getting him his badge back, and when he did, when things were looking up for them, she didn’t want to ruin it. She was weak, so she gave in to Tracy’s demands. When she finally mustered up enough courage to stand up to Tracy, it was too late. She already had the information on The Deceptor. Maxie asks why Brook didn’t come to her, after everything they went through with Bailey Lou? Why didn’t Brook trust her? They could have schemed up a solution together. Instead, Brook betrayed her. Now Brook looks sad and uncomfortable.

On the phone, Tracy says, her friend just left… She thinks she’s going to fold… No. This is a perfect time to come and visit. Port Charles is beautiful in the fall.

Brook says, Maxie is right. In hindsight, Brook should have come to her. Maxie says she would have helped Brook, and Brook says she doesn’t know. She was just too ashamed, too stupid. She thought she could handle it. Maxie says, handle Tracy? and Brook says she had no idea what Tracy was planning. She could never have foreseen Sasha’s meltdown, or the fact that The Deceptor would be their only moneymaker. She could have never planned for any of that. She messed up and she’ll do everything in her power to make it right. She’ll come up with a social media campaign against Tracy, and it will go viral. They can handle this. They can make it right. Maxie says, that’s not going to happen. She’s not going to let that happen. Brook’s proven she cannot be trusted. She’s fired. Brook says, no, Maxie, please, but Maxie heads for the door. Brook says she’ll work for free. Just let her make it right. Maxie says, that ship has sailed, and walks out, closing the door behind her.

On the phone, Ava says, where the hell is Austin? His cousin was just here again, making crazy accusations. She can’t take this anymore, and she’s telling him, if Mason drags her under, Austin’s coming with her.

Carly says, is she willing to help Sonny get the answer. Is she willing to help him period. There was a time when she would have jumped in. She would have said yes immediately, but now… He says, not so much? and she asks if it’s going to endanger Drew or affect his sentence in any way. He says, no, not at all, and she says she doesn’t know. So much has happened. So much has changed between them. He says he understands, and she asks if he really does, or is he just saying that to get her to do what he wants her to do. He says he understands things have changed, but one thing hasn’t changed. She would do anything for him, and he would do anything for her. And he’s always there for her. She says she knows. And she knows he wouldn’t ask her if it wasn’t serious, and if someone is gunning for him, that means they could come after her kids, so yes, of course (🍷) she’s in. What does he need her to do? He says he’ll tell her on the way to Pentenville.

Sam asks how Dante could have known what was going on. Gladys is a snake, and she’s cunning, and she had to keep Sasha under guardianship so she could have access to Sasha’s money. That meant convincing everyone, including him, that she had Sasha’s best interest at heart. He says, the bottom line is, he should have just listened to Cody, but she says she didn’t believe Cody at first. He hasn’t exactly been 100% honest with either of them. Dante says, he hasn’t, but he said Sasha was being drugged the whole time. Even after she stabbed him, he said it wasn’t her. How long has she been on these drugs? What is she taking? Sam says she doesn’t know. They’ll figure that out. The important thing is that Cody cared enough to go into Ferncliff and get Sasha out. She thinks Cody saved Sasha’s life. He says he’s got to see Cody. He has to talk to Cody. She has to trust him enough to take him where they are.

Sasha tells Cody that she never even met Dr. Montague until he was assigned to evaluate her. What possible motive could he have for drugging her? Cody says he’s guessing Montague was being paid, and she says, by who? He says, by the person who did have a motive – her mother-in-law Gladys.

Tomorrow, Spencer tells Trina that he thinks he may have fixed that; Nina asks if Olivia doesn’t want Ned back; Josslyn asks if Dex is dumping her (if so, I called it); and Sonny asks for Drew’s help.

The Really Horrifying Housewives of Orange County

Still inflicting themselves on Mexico.

Shannon wonders if they’re having food or should they put sand on their plates, and in Fancy Pants Heather’s interview, she wonders why she thought sharing good news would be met with anything but this bullsh*t. Everyone is mad at her for something. Should she apologize to the waiter as well? She walks away from the table, and Emily says she’s pissed. Shannon tells Emily that she didn’t say anything, and in Emily’s interview, she says, she and Shannon are in a good place. They’ve had issues, but she feels they’ve worked through them. Why would they get to that point, and Shannon would talk bad about her, then lie? It doesn’t make sense. In Shannon’s interview, she says she didn’t even see Fancy Pants at BravoCon, and thinks one of Heather’s goals is leveling her relationships. Tamra hunts down Fancy Pants, who says she’s tired of people lying. Emily seems to have a crackerjack memory about anything she’s said. At the table, Emily tells the others that she asked Fancy Pants what Shannon had said, but Fancy Pants said she couldn’t tell her because it was in the vault. Shannon says, the biggest thing with John is that when they first met, they spent every day together. Now he has excuses to leave. When John has to go, it hurts her. She has childhood issues, and when they have an argument, she’s afraid he’s walking out. In Shannon’s interview, she says, everyone thinks there are greater issues going on, and it’s causing her anxiety. So she’s going to open up and set the record straight. Emily says, Shannon shouldn’t talk if she doesn’t want to, but she needs an outlet. She asks about John not wanting Shannon to discuss their relationship, and Shannon says she told him, it’s his rule, not hers. In her interview, Emily says she thinks it’s great that Shannon is opening up, but she feels it’s just the tip of the iceberg. Shannon says, John’s an avoider and she’s a communicator. Sometimes it doesn’t mesh, so sometimes she talks to them. Sha and John both have plenty to do, and she feels like he doesn’t care. Fancy Pants tells Tamra that she’s at her tipping point. She’s held to different standards, and can’t do or say anything right. Emily says she heard Shannon claimed to have juicy stuff about Jenn’s relationship, and Shannon admits she did say that. In Gina’s interview, she says, Shannon pretends to be a good person, but Jenn and Tamra finally seem to be getting along, and she wants to dig up dirt. Shannon tells them that she heard there was more stuff to come out. Tamra said there was so much more. In Jenn’s interview, she says she spoke with the girl Ryan slept with, and she’d said Tamra was digging for information. In Tamra’s interview, she says, the girl Ryan dated sent her texts that happened while he was in a relationship with Jenn. Part of her wants to protect Jenn. She knows Jenn plays dumb and it’s frustrating. Tamra comes back, and says, Fancy Pants was hoping to celebrate the sale of the house with them, and Emily says, Fancy Pants just called her a liar and an a-hole. Heather brings in gift boxes that say something like From Fiesta to Siesta, and they have a bunch of Mexican themed gifts inside. As she hands one to Emily, Emily says, but she’s an a-hole. Fancy Pants says, they’ll dive into that later. Oh goody. Something to look forward to. In her interview, Emily says she doesn’t want gifts. She wants Fancy Pants to be easier to be friends with. Good luck with that. In Fancy Pants’ interview, she says she is who she is, and likes to bring a trip gift, even if they don’t deserve it. They decide to go to bed, and Shannon asks for a skinny margarita to go.

In the morning, they get ready for an ATV excursion, and make calls to their families. Fancy Pants tells Terry that everyone looked blank when she told them about the house, which is bullsh*t. The only blank was on Fancy Pants’ face when they reamed her out for not telling them before they found out in the press. Terry says, it was mean, but forget it and have fun. Fancy Pants says, every time the group is together, it comes down to her, and she’s not tolerating it. If it happens again, she’s out. Wow. This chick is not only a whiner, she really doesn’t see herself. Tamra joins the others for breakfast, and tells them that she asked if Fancy Pants wanted to eat, but she said she had food. She doesn’t feel Fancy Pants means some of the things she says. It’s just who she is. Shannon says, the things that happened between her and Fancy Pants weren’t happenstance. She’s been talking about Shannon’s relationship. She acts like she’s above everyone, but it’s just her being an a-hole. Gina and Emily are the only ones left at the table when Fancy Pants finally graces the table with her presence. Emily says, if Fancy Pants felt she was being a jerk, she apologizes sincerely. In her interview, Fancy Pants says, an apology is fantastic, but there’s a pattern. We flash back to other times Emily has apologized to Fancy Pants, and in her interview, Emily says, all she can do is say she’s sorry, and she’ll probably do it again. The difference here is, at least Emily does apologize. Fancy Pants gives excuses. Fancy Pants suggests they take a restart. She’d been dying to tell them about the house. In Gina’s interview, she says, it’s insulting to her, but maybe Fancy Pants isn’t used to someone having her back. Fancy Pants says she’s not being dismissive or unkind, but she’s done. She does value Gina and Emily’s friendship, and thinks they’re good. Honestly, my friendships have never once been this complicated.

In Tamra’s interview, she says she set up an excursion where they’ll drive through the jungle on ATVs, then dive into the water. She’s been there before, but she’ll try anything twice. Guides Eddie and Alvaro go through a few instructions, and they head out. It looks like fun, but I’m sure the day will be ruined somehow. In Gina’s interview, she says, Shannon looks like Jennifer Coolidge on a vespa in White Lotus. They get to the water, and it’s 36 feet down. When they ask what’s in there, Eddie says, cameras and watches. Emily goes first, from the highest point, and ends up with a nose bleed. In Fancy Pants’ interview, she says, there’s not enough champagne to make her jump in. In Emily’s interview, she says she’ll do anything once as long as doesn’t result in reconstructive surgery. Tamra makes the jump, and Gina tells Fancy Pants to give her artifacts to her children. In her interview, Gina says she was so afraid of water, she wouldn’t even take baths for a while. We flash back to a few times that she’s freaked out in the water, and she says, her life is flashing before her and it’s too short. She jumps from the lowest platform, which is about as high as the public pool high diving board where I grew up, and they applaud.

Gina calls Travis, who’s at the food court, since it’s the only place that makes all six kids happy. They get ready for dinner, and in Tamra’s interview, she says, Jenn was a soccer mom, and now she drips in fake designer clothes. She’s wearing a real Mugler. Vicki shows up at Shannon and Tamra’s room, and there’s screaming. So much screaming. In Tamra’s interview, she says she invited Vicki, but Vicki wasn’t sure she could make it. To have the Tres Amigas back again is everything. In Shannon’s interview, she says, her best memories have Vicki and Tamra in them. Some of them are blurry, but that’s what girlfriends are for. They do their Amigas dance and drink a shot. The rest of the group arrives at the restaurant for dinner before they do, and Emily says, there’s one extra chair and it’s creeping her out. The Amigas finally arrive, and Vicki says she doesn’t want to be left out. In Gina’s interview, she says, Vicki made it clear how she feels about her and Emily, but it’s not worth bringing it up. Let’s just whoop it up. In Emily’s interview, she says, Vicki likes to talk about them a lot. She’s clearly super fan. We see some tabloid headlines where Vicki trash talked them. In Vicki’s interview, she says, the group needs to liven it up. Emily brings up Fancy Pants calling her Snuffleupagus, and we see a clip from earlier with Emily saying she had to get her look together, and Heather saying she looks like Snuffleupagus… in a good way. In her interview, Emily says, Fancy Pants thinks she says mean things, but Fancy Pants says things that could be construed as mean. Snuffleupagus is a big, huge, furry Muppet. The resort has arranged for them to have a private showing of Cirque du Soliel Joyà, and they’re thrilled with the performance. It is pretty cool. Someone gave me Cirque tickets once, and I enjoyed it – the hologram stuff was amazing – but it probably isn’t something I’d normally pay to see. The women get their PJs on and go to the Amigas’ room for more drinking. Tamra passes out bathing suits that have 3D body graphics on them. They play Truth or Dare for a hot minute, then somehow, Vicki starts talking about Jenn’s relationship, even though she doesn’t know Ryan’s name.

Vicki tells Jenn that she thinks Jenn is in the same situation she was, and the man she’s with might not be the right person. She wishes she knew then what she knows now. In Gina’s interview, she says she had high hopes for Vicki, but Vicki travels with her spoon to stir sh*t up. Gina says she thinks Vicki is saying Jenn should trust her gut, but Taylor says she thinks Jenn is doing that. In her interview, Gina says, Vicki doesn’t know Jenn or Ryan, but she knows Tamra. Clearly she’s been hearing things. In Vicki’s interview, a producer asks who she heard it from, and Vicki says, who do they think? Telephone, tell a Tamra. That reminds me of my grandfather, who used to say, telephone, telegraph, tell Marie (my grandmother). Later, Gina, Emily, and Fancy Pants gather, and discuss how Jenn had no reaction and never does; she shuts down. In her interview, Gina says she thinks Jenn needs to stand up for herself. No one checks in with Jenn, but she’s going to. Emily says, Vicki didn’t even know Ryan’s name, and Fancy Pants wonders why Vicki is talking about Jenn’s relationship. In the Amigas room, they manage to start a fire with one of the candles, but it’s quickly extinguished in an ice bucket. You can dress them up…  

The next morning, yikes, the clean-up. Tamra wonders why it’s so bright, and gets into bed with Vicki. Another thing I never did with any of my girlfriends. They all do their family calls, and go to a beach club where they have a private cabana. They’re wearing their suits, and Taylor says, Shannon got teary wondering how she was going to feel included when she’s not willing to be in a swimsuit. We see a clip of Shannon saying she doesn’t want to be in a suit, and in her interview, Shannon says she feels like everyone knows her being thin, and she’ll be more objectified. Emily says she wishes she could help Shannon get to the point where she could embrace who she is, and in her interview, she says she thinks John is critical of Shannon. She thinks he makes Shannon feel bad, commenting on her looks and weight. It’s terrible. The Amigas show up, Shannon in the suit.

In Shannon’s interview, she says, the last time she was with the group in a bathing suit she was 20 pounds lighter. Her weight yoyos, and when she’s not in the happiest place, it can be read on her body. We flash back to her going back to the gym when she was heavier. Aerobics instructor Miguel joins them to lead a water aerobics class, and in Emily’s interview, she says, if it’s going to go this long, she needs a drink and a croissant. She needs some huevos rancheros. In Gina’s interview, she says, Miguel thought they were training for the f***ing Olympics. Afterwards, Emily brings up Fancy Pants comparing her to Snuffleupagus, and Fancy Pants says she wasn’t thrilled with Emily saying she looked like a dolphin trainer when they did the Slip N Slide thing. In their various interviews, the women speculate over what Snuffleupagus is, and Shannon says, he’s super hairy and big. A dolphin trainer is cute. Emily tells Fancy Pants that she could have interpreted it as negative, but she thought Fancy Pants was being funny. The point is, Emily is being funny too. In her interview, Gina says, no one likes being compared to a hairy, large animal, and in Emily’s interview, she says, with Fancy Pants, it’s always a double standard. She does no wrong. She’s just being Heather, but Emily is an a-hole and a jerk. Fancy Pants says, if Emily was offended, she’s so sorry. They sit down to eat, and a container of chicken fingers is passed around. Somebody says, it looks like a d*ck pic, and Taylor reminds them of Vicky saying, Steve doesn’t like to have his weewee touched. We flash back to that, and I just shake my head. Gina asks Jenn how she’s feeling about Vicki’s comment, and Jenn says she hasn’t been with the group long. Vicki gripes about being fired, and Jenn says, at first, she thought Vicki was talking about her own relationships. Since they’d never met before, when Vicki said she got the info from their mutual friend group, she was trying to figure out who their mutual friend was. Ever so helpful, Tamra says, it’s her, and Jenn asks why Tamra is always calling her out. It’s malicious and mean. Tamra insists she’s not malicious or mean and I nearly choke on my coffee. Tamra says, Alex – the girl Ryan slept with when he and Jenn were on a break – reached out to her. Jenn says she didn’t know Alex, and Tamra asks if Jenn never talked to her. Jenn says, this is a baited question. Why doesn’t Tamra just say what she f***ing wants to say? Alex told her that Tamra was the one who reached out, and asked her to send everything. If you need me to be relevant, good for f***ing you.

Tamra says she didn’t ask for the information, but Ryan was sleeping with Alex while he was dating Jenn. He sent her a text while he and Jenn were at a concert in San Diego. Jenn says she’s seen it, and Tamra asks why she’s protecting him. In Jenn’s interview, she says she knew all this and forgave Ryan because she loves him. She’s not protecting him, but why talk about it? It’s painful and it sucked, but he owned up to what he did. She asks what Tamra wants from her, and Tamra says she doesn’t want Jenn hurt. Jenn says, so Tamra is busying herself in her pain? and Tamra says, Jenn never shows any emotion. Jenn says, because it’s easier, and in her interview, she says she brings everything in. She gets quiet, processes it, and thinks about it. Tamra says, Jenn ruined her whole family. She’s not the only person Ryan f***ed at her gym. Everybody knows Ryan’s a player, even Jenn’s mother-in-law, who works out at the same gym. Gina says, Jenn knows and chooses to be with him, and in Fancy Pants’ interview, she says she feels bad for Jenn. She doesn’t know Tamra’s endgame, but doesn’t feel it’s friendship. Tamra says she doesn’t like Ryan with Jenn, and did the same thing with Vicki. We flash back to that, and Vicki says, they have to learn for themselves. Hey, stop that. Vicki has no business being the voice of reason. Tamra says, Jenn should have learned her lesson, but didn’t. Don’t lie to my face like your fake Gucci. In Jenn’s interview, she says, don’t tell her that she ruined her family. That’s not the way a friend talks and acts. She can take the hard conversations, but that’s not the way a friend asks. Jenn leaves the table, and Tamra screeches at her to be f***ing smart.  

Ugh. Tamra has two volumes, and they’re both annoying.

Next time, hang-gliding; Vicki tells Jenn that she should have made her marriage work; and more screeching.

👠 Maybe a Spoiler…

Her connection to Port Charles.

🌞 Non-Rain Dancing…

Come back tomorrow for soap, a little Charm, and VMA talk. Until then, stay safe, stay letting that old lady ahead of you in line, and stay doing anything once, as long as it doesn’t result in reconstructive surgery.