What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

At the MetroCourt, Ned tells Laura that he hates to see her drop out of the race. Lulu says at least he doesn’t have to write a concession speech now. Ned tells Olivia that her husband is going to be the next mayor of Port Charles.

Alexis and Molly go to Charlie’s. Julian asks how TJ and Kiki did on their exams. Molly says they probably did great. Alexis says it’s even more impressive, considering TJ had to suffer through their apartment building’s conditions. Molly thinks Alexis should  pick up the torch from Laura, and run for mayor. Julian thinks it’s a great idea.

Anna talks to Robert, making sure the emails from PK Sinclair will be rerouted to her, and Sonny won’t know. She goes to the station interrogation room. Dante and Nathan are dressed in their blues, since they’re going out to help with the protests on Charles Street. Nathan is tacking up pictures of all the people Faison might target. He tells Anna he’s still trying to wrap his head around Faison being his father. She says if it’s any consolation, there’s no resemblance. Dante says they’re waiting for him to make the first move, but wonders where he’ll strike next and who’s his next target.

At Aurora, Lulu tells Peter she knows she’s supposed to go through the proper channels, but her article went viral, and now she’s being lobbed softballs like covering the cat show. She wants to pitch directly to him. She says if she’s right, Faison is hiding on Spoon Island.

Finally, we see him. Faison tells Obrecht to shut up. He says they’re on the island, and she can scream as much as she wants, but no one will hear. I swear, it looks like he’s trying not to laugh, and I’m so excited, I can barely type.

At the MetroCourt, Jordan tells TJ sorry that she’s working so much, but it will help with his med school bills. TJ says he’s going to pay his own way, but Jordan says they’ll see what he says once he gets the bill. She tells him that she called for special deployment to supervise the protest. He asks what about the power outage and the fake gas leak. She says if she finds that it’s harassment, the law will come down on them like a ton of bricks. Ned and Olivia approach. Ned makes small talk, and says he’ll put their brunch on his tab. Jordan says no thanks. It’s not appropriate for her to accept a gift from a candidate. She and TJ leave. Olivia says that was smart of Jordan. Ned says he’s not the enemy. Once he takes office, he’ll be the mayor the city needs.

Molly can’t believe it, but she and Julian are on the same page. Alexis says she can’t hear her over the Seven Seals of the Apocalypse opening at the same time. She tells them that she’s a lawyer, not a politician. Julian and Molly try to talk her into it. Molly points out that Ned’s wife is the poster child for the public breastfeeding case that Alexis won. Alexis repeats General Sherman’s words, saying if nominated, she will not run, and if elected, she will not serve. Julian says they’re at war, and the neighborhood is fighting for its life.

Lulu tells Peter that she used to live at Windemere, and there are many places to hide, like secret passageways and catacombs. Her brother owned it most of her life, and she spent a lot of time there, and knows a lot of them. Peter asks what if Faison is still there? Lulu says not only can they take down a psychopath, it will boost the publication into the stratosphere.

Faison tells Obrecht she lied to him, and not to make it worse. All the years she claimed to worship him, she never said she’d had his son. She says she thought it best, and he tells her, no more lies. He asks why she thinks he brought her out here? She says he must have found her at Anna’s house, but he doesn’t want to talk about Anna. She’s dead to him.

Anna says Faison has the uncanny ability to anticipate what others thinking, and is always one step ahead. Nathan says the only reason he did the article was to draw him out. Dante looks at the photos, saying Obrecht kept him a secret, he’s still obsessed with Anna, and he orchestrated the memory switch between Jason and Drew, but they don’t know why. Anna says there should be another person there. They have no photo or description, but there’s one other person he’s targeting. Jordan has walked in, and asks, who? Anna says his other son.

Julian says he might have a terrible reputation, but he’s a legit small businessman now. These are his streets, and the people are his customers. Keeping them in their homes isn’t just the right thing; it’s good for business. TJ comes in and tells them that the apartment building has been padlocked, and the property condemned. Alexis says they should have received a notice from the Board of Health. TJ says all their stuff is still in there, and Molly says some of it can be replaced, but what about their gifts and mementos? TJ says it’s not like they’re homeless, but what about the other people? Julian says they’re going to lose their homes unless someone fights for them.

Peter tells Lulu that she has an editor. Lulu says her editor thinks the piece on Nathan was a fluke. Peter says anyone can write about a criminal and make it exciting, not so much a cat show. Lulu says he needs to tell her editor that he has faith in her, and do it before Faison claims another victim. She says Valentin is out of town, and it’s the perfect time. Peter says the police call that trespassing, and breaking and entering. Lulu tells him that she and Valentin share a daughter, and he asks if it was a wild, drunk night. She says it’s a long, complicated story, but if Charlotte left something there, she’d just be being a good mom to go looking for it. While she’s there, she could be compelled to explore. He tells her that Faison didn’t become the most wanted by being stupid. Lulu says the cops will be the ones to bust him, but they have to find him first. Maybe he left a trail of breadcrumbs, and with permission, she can follow them.

Obrecht doesn’t believe Anna is dead to Faison, and says Anna despises him. He must realize she’ll turn him in. Even now, Obrecht would do anything for him. He tells her to give him back the years he never had with his son. She says she misspoke. She can give him anything but that. He tells her to either help him or he’ll kill her. She tells him to go ahead, but leave Nathan alone. He wants to know about his son, and she says he’s nothing like either of them; he’s good.

Nathan says he has a brother? Anna says a half-brother according to Obrecht. His name is Heinrich. Obrecht came over super drunk and talkative. Jordan asks why Anna didn’t tell her, but Anna says she needed it confirmed. She just talked to Sonny, who discovered an unfinished novel about a son obsessed with destroying his father. They think Heinrich wrote it using the penname of PK Sinclair. Nathan puts a blank page up alongside the photos, saying, my brother.

Outside Charlie’s, Ned tells Olivia that he doesn’t want to scrounge for votes today. She says even if no one showed up at the polls, he’d still win. He thanks her for being beside him, but she says if she disagrees with anything or thinks he’s being an ass, she’ll let him know. She tells him to turn on the charm, and convince the doubters. They go into Charlie’s. Julian asks if “Ted” would like a table for two outside. Alexis says the last time Ned was there, it got testy. He promised a clean campaign before getting sidetracked, and Ned says he comes in peace. Since Laura is out, he’s the de facto mayor, and as such, he’d like to rise above their petty differences. Measure A is still on the ballot, and he’d like to form a special commission to oversee the Charles Street development. He’d also like Alexis to chair it.

Faison ties up Obrecht. She tells him that Nathan is a detective, and it’s his job to arrest him; he has no other choice. She begs him to do what he wants with her, but leave Nathan alone. He says he already did what he wanted with her, and because of it, they have a son. When he gets what he wants, he won’t need her anymore. He tells her to sit tight and relax.

Nathan tells Anna that his mother is a control freak; she never gets sloppy drunk. Why would she come to Anna? Anna says she’s terrified of Faison. Jordan tells them she caused a ruckus, and the neighbors called the police, but by the time she got there, Obrecht was gone.  Nathan asks how they know she’s okay, and Anna tells him that she got a text. Dante asks how his father got involved. Anna says the situation isn’t ideal, but Sonny wants to be involved. Jordan asks how that’s going, and Anna says she’s working with him, and they’ll leave it at that. Anna leaves, and Dante asks if Jordan bought that. She says, not one bit.

Peter says Lulu has a nose for news, and a lot of guts, even when sane people are saying to drop it. She asks if that’s what he’s going to tell her editor. Peter says her editor gives her the assignments, but what she does on her own time is her business. Whatever she chooses to do, be careful. His phone rings, and he tells her to promise she’s not going to do anything crazy. She smiles, and leaves. It’s Anna on the phone, and Peter asks how he can help her. She says she realizes they haven’t met, but would like a minute of his time.

Alexis wonders why Ned doesn’t campaign to preserve the area, rather than knocking it down. Ned says it’s an area in progress, and thinks it will benefit he city. Molly says they were locked out due to a gas leak that’s not real, and they’re not going down without a fight. Olivia says maybe they don’t need one. Alexis appreciates his offer, but she can’t consider it unless he discusses the elephant in the room. The giant elephant that covers 90,000 square feet when the arena gets built. She asks if he thought he was going to slip it past the voters without them noticing.

Nathan calls Obrecht and leaves a message. Jordan thinks she’s probably still sleeping it off. Dante says no one has seen anyone matching Faison’s description, but Jordan says he can change his appearance. Nathan wonders what if he never left Port Charles?

Peter says it’s an honor to meet Anna; she has quite a reputation in Port Charles. Anna says Nathan gave the interview in hopes of drawing Faison out. He hasn’t taken the bait, and wonders if Peter would be interested in a follow up story. He asks how she knows they’re not working on one already. She says what about a piece, stating an unnamed WSB source claims Faison is locked in a life and death fight with his son? Peter says he and Nathan have never met, but Anna isn’t talking about Nathan. She says another son is out there. He asks how she knows that, but she says it’s classified. He wonders how the article would flush Faison out, and she tells him they’ll include a clue leading to the son’s location. Peter says they’ll basically be writing something false to lure him in. Anna thinks just this once, it would be fine, but he says that’s where the trouble starts. He knows about justice, but also about ethics, and he’s not compromising for her or anyone.

Obrecht struggles against her bonds. Lulu walks in. Once again using a Star Trek transporter to get there.

Alexis wonders how Ned thought he could sneak something large enough to hold a hockey team past the voters, who will be footing the bill. Ned says corporate naming rights will help with the cost, but she says the taxpayers won’t see a penny. Running it will also cost money, and venues are known for skipping on utility bills. Clearly, someone is needed to speak for the people. Ned tells her that their voices will be heard, and she wonders how, over wrecking balls and jackhammers? Ned says they’re not looking to get rich; he can afford to do what’s right. Some things are coming down, but good things are going up. Life and progress are about change. They’ll thrive, and people and businesses will have a Charles Street they can be proud of. Alexis says they’re already proud of it . They want it restored and revitalized, not redeveloped. He tells her that unless she chairs the committee, it will be a done deal, but she says, no.

Anna tells Peter there’s nothing fake about the story. Faison does have another son; it’s a fact. That the son is determined to bring him down is also a fact. Peter says he needs proof to protect the paper. She says it’s not like they’re going to get sued for slander, but he says he wouldn’t be surprised. Actually, neither would I. He needs to verify that they’re doing the right thing. Anna says public safety is more important than the paper’s integrity. They’ll be held up as heroes. Peter says, and no one will believe anything else they say. She thought he wanted to help, and he says if he gets verifiable information, they’ll jump on it. She says it’s about shedding the light on truth using deception. They’ll be deceiving a dangerous criminal. They get their man, he gets his scoop, everybody wins except Faison. Peter tells her he’s not compromising the integrity of the paper. She asks what about Drew, who lost all of his memories? He’s the co-owner of Aurora. Peter says if she wants to go above his head, that’s fine, but in the meantime, he’s running the company to the best of his ability. Anna doesn’t believe he really wants to help, and asks why? He doesn’t know what she means, and tells her good day. When she’s gone, he ponders. Rumor has it, he’s the other son.

Nathan tells Dante he has a father from hell, and a brother who’s a chip off the old block. Dante says he hates Faison; how bad can he be? Jordan tells Nathan that she has round the clock surveillance on Maxie. Dante says Lulu has done her first and last story on Faison.

Obrecht tells Lulu to hurry; he could be back at any moment. Lulu says the knots are complicated, and Obrecht tells her to find something sharp to cut them. She can’t find anything, and decides to call Dante. Too late. Faison takes the phone out of her hand. He says if she wants a story, she’s got one

Ned tells Alexis sorry they don’t see eye to eye, and she says he sounds like a politician. He says opinions and suggestions are always welcome. She tells him it’s not a suggestion; it’s a political platform. He asks whose? He’s running unopposed. She says, not anymore. She’s officially running for mayor.

Anna sees an email from PK Sinclair. It says, ready to meet tonight.

Nathan leaves another message for Obrecht, saying he’s worried and to text him. He needs to know she’s okay. Jordan says Faison has evaded capture for years, and has to know they’re looking for him. Whatever brought him to Port Charles, he’s not leaving empty handed.

Faison tells Lulu thanks for the article, and Obrecht says, see what hell she unleashed? He tells Lulu that she should have stayed out of it. Now what is he supposed to do with her?

Tomorrow, unless I have a heart attack from all the excitement, Maxie asks what’s wrong, Felicia wants Finn to tell Anna that he loves her, and Anna asks Sonny for a favor.

The Haves and the Have Nots

Hanna says Benny doesn’t learn. He tells her that Veronica was in an accident. She says that doesn’t explain why he was holding the snake by the tail, and tells him to stay away. She wonders why he won’t listen. She says they just buried the baby, and she’s not burying him. She asks if he’s still sleeping with her, but he swears he’s not. She says Veronica is dangerous. He says he and Mitch just happened to be there and asks why she’s at the hospital. She tells him that she had to go to the morgue for Quincy Jr’s things, and shows him the letter. God please help grandma to stop yelling at mommy and help mommy to be a better person and take care of me. Hanna asks where Candace is, and Benny says the Artisian. Hanna wants to show it to her, but Benny says she’s not in a good place. Hanna says she never is. He asks her to think about it, but she says she’s not thinking about anything, and to leave Veronica alone. She never actually says Veronica’s name, but calls her “that woman.”

Hanna asks Benny what room she’s in, but he doesn’t want to say. He tells her if things get bad, Veronica can help him. She says Veronica won’t help anyone but herself. She’ll bury him, and not think twice. She doesn’t get why he won’t listen. The nurse comes out, and says Veronica is asking for him, but he says he’s busy. Hanna asks what’s going on. He says Veronica just needs somebody, and Hanna suggests she ask for her husband, but remembers he won’t have anything to do with her either. Mitch asks if Benny is leaving, and Hanna says he is. Mitch says he’ll catch up with Benny later.

At the Artisian’s bar, man asks if he can buy Candace a drink, and she compliments his watch. She orders a drink, and asks him to hand over his credit card to the bartender. She asks what he wants, and he says to be nice to a beautiful young lady. She says time is money, and he’s like, oh, okay. He says a beautiful woman like her sitting alone at a bar says a lot. She asks what it says, and he tells her that she’s working. She tells him it says she’s expensive. She asks what he does, and he tells her that he’s a truck driver, but she doesn’t buy it. He asks what she does, and she says make men like him very happy. She says to meet her in an hour or get lost. He calls her a mean one. She tells him to call his wife and say good night, since he’ll be busy, and he says yes ma’am.

Charles and Landon have a drink in the hotel room. Landon says Charles will make a lot of money when he gets out of office with book deals and speaking engagements. His popularity is off the charts already. They toast to the voters. Charles gets another drink, and calls Landon a lightweight when he doesn’t want one. Landon asks about the Army. Charles didn’t see combat, but he learned discipline. He needed to change his life, and get away from a girl. Landon says he probably has a crazy effect on all women. They’re all over him, and they all want to be the First Lady. Charles says he’s not into any of them, and doesn’t like to mix business with pleasure. Landon says he doesn’t do it, but it could be okay with someone with as much to lose who could keep secrets. Charles says don’t let him find out he’s running around with one of these women, and Landon says he’ll never have to worry about that. Charles decides to turn in. Landon watches as he takes off his shirt and flops on the bed.

The DA calls for Jeffrey, who’s taken out of lockup and brought to the interrogation room. George introduces himself. He wants to chat about Jeffrey’s case. Jeffrey says he wants a lawyer, and he’s not talking. George says he’s just curious why his mother would give him up like a tossed salad. Jeffrey isn’t saying anything, except that his dad is his lawyer. George tells him that his mother said it was her, but Jeffrey says she lied. George wonders if she’s getting back at him for telling Jennifer he’d testify. He asks if Jeffrey knows Judge Marsh. When he says no, George says he knows her husband, and asks if he isn’t sleeping with him. Jeffrey wants his lawyer. George says his mother was in an accident. Jeffrey asks if she’s okay, but George doesn’t know. She was in a car that flipped over, along with his fiancé. George asks if his fiancé knows he’s having an affair. Veronica seemed excited about it, but he told Jennifer he was gay, and she was making him live a lie. George asks why his lawyer’s not there? Jeffrey says he called, but doesn’t know. George says they’ll give him another phone call, and lets him go back.

Erica compliments David on the dinner. He says sorry it was on the floor, but she thinks it was romantic. They talk about furniture, and he asks if she’ll help him decorate. She says what if they get to know each other and find out they don’t really care for one another? He thinks they’re past that, and it’s not going to happen. She thinks she should just leave, but he says, and go where? She doesn’t know. Wherever she goes, he’ll find her. Her sister is the only family she has. He tells her to stay there with him. She agrees, and they toast to themselves. He kisses her. He’s going back to his condo to get his furniture, and tells her to stay there. She tells him the police are at the front door.

It’s Justin, who tells David that his son told him to get in touch, since his calls were going to voicemail. Jeffrey needs his help. He’s in jail because Veronica had him arrested for Quincy’s murder. David thanks him, and goes back inside. He asks Erica if she’s okay; she’s shaking. She says her ex is an officer. David says it was about his son, and he has to take care of something. He’ll leave her the keys and call her when he’s on the way back. Outside, he leaves a message for Veronica, telling her she went too far this time, and answer the damn phone.

Justin’s phone rings. It’s Wyatt calling Jeffrey’s phone. Wyatt asks if it’s that damn cop, and says to put Jeffrey on the phone. Justin tells him to stop calling, and Wyatt says the jealous thing is ridiculous. Justin says call Jeffrey again, and he’ll bash Wyatt’s head in. Justin hangs up, and Wyatt calls again. He asks who Justin thinks he is, and Justin says he’s coming over to show him. Wyatt calls back a third time, and gets voicemail. Wyatt leaves a message asking where Jeffrey is, and why that thing is answering his phone.

Derek arrives at Kathryn’s house. He tells her that she doesn’t owe him anything for Hanna’s sink; there was a loose ring causing the clog. She has a couple of small jobs for him, and asks if he met Hanna. He wonders what she wants, and realizes she’s playing matchmaker, but Kathryn insists she’s not. He asks if she created the clog in the sink. She ignores that, and asks what he thought. Derek says Hanna seems like a nice lady. She wants to give him Hanna’s number, but Derek says to give Hanna his number. Kathryn says Hanna is a traditional southern woman, and he has to go after her. He says between her and Veronica, he doesn’t know what to do; Veronica also keeps trying to hook him up. Kathryn tells him not to listen, and Derek tells her about the accident.

At the hospital, the doctor tells Melissa all the tests look good. He asks when she last had a checkup, but she doesn’t know. He thinks they should make sure the baby is okay, but she says she’s fine and doesn’t want any tests; she doesn’t give a damn about the baby. She wants to know where that bitch is, and is disappointed to find out Veronica is going to recover. The doctor seems kind of shocked at the way she’s talking, but geez, you’d think he’d be just a little more concerned.

Bartender Rocky asks if Candace wants another drink, and she says she does. He asks if she’s had a hard day, and she tells him to pour the damn drink, so I guess that’s an affirmative. He tells her careful. He heard people talking, and there’s a guy who looks like vice. She asks about new girl, checking out a young woman at one of the tables. Rocky says she’s doing well, and Candace asks if he got his cut, telling him you always pay the house. He asks when that started, and she says now; she’ll talk to her.

A dude comes up to Candace, introducing himself as Leonardo. She says he’s vice; she can smell them. He asks if she’s a working girl, and she says she’s a college student. He asks why whores come to nice places, and not keep in their lane. She says she’s studying law, and if he doesn’t stop bothering her, he’ll be fired, and to get away with his cheap-ass aftershave. He moves on to new girl. Candace tells Rocky that he’d better warn her, but on second thought, don’t. See how it plays out.

Melissa goes to Veronica’s hospital room. She sits on the bed, and tells Veronica she looks bad. We should all look this bad. She looks maybe a little bit tired. Veronica says Melissa tried to kill her, and Melissa says she tried to kill the both of them. Veronica says she’s crazy as hell, and Melissa says, that makes two of us. Veronica says she’s not taking care of Melissa’s mother anymore; she’ll be starving and hungry. Melissa doesn’t give a damn. She says Veronica doesn’t get it. She’s a crazy-ass girl who’s out of control; she has a rebel streak a mile long. Her dad died, and she didn’t get to say goodbye, and it’s now Veronica’s problem. Veronica says people die, and it’s a good thing Melissa is having her grandchild. It’s the only thing keeping Veronica off her ass. She asks why Melissa is there. Melissa says she needs money, and starts digging in Veronica’s purse. Veronica asks if she’s lost her mind, and Melissa asks if she just figured it out. She calls Veronica a bitch, and screams as she leaves the room. That was interesting, and I wonder if the director (does Tyler Perry direct these too?) just let her have at it.

Veronica calls the courthouse, and leaves a message for one of the judges. She says her daughter-in-law is unstable. She needs to have her committed, at least until the baby is born. After she’s finished, she says the dumb bitch doesn’t even know when she’s being set up.

In his office, George talks to Sarah. He says they have Jennifer’s body with the note pointing to the Cryers; their son Wyatt says they did it; and Jeffrey is going down for Quincy’s murder after Veronica gave him up. He states the obvious, saying it’s one messed up family. He still wants more information; enough for an indictment. Veronica is such a snake, he wants to make sure all the T’s are crossed, and the case is solid, so she can’t wiggle out. Sarah wonders what more he could want, but he says they’re dealing with the Cryers, the Harringtons, and lost money. He needs some DNA. Presenting a dysfunctional family at each other’s throats won’t work; he needs something solid. Sarah says they’re working on it.

Out in the hallway, Oscar comes up to Sarah, and hands her a phone, saying it’s for her. It’s Jim, but she pretends not to know who he is. He says he needs her at a hotel room at lunchtime. She tells him it’s not possible, but he says, sure it is. He thinks she’d better get her ass there, and hangs up. Oscar asks if the call was unpleasant. As he walks away, he says if he was her, he’d be there.

There’s a knock at Candace’s door. It’s Benny and Hanna, but she doesn’t want to see them. She doesn’t want to hear anything Hanna has to say. Hanna asks, not even from her own baby? and gives her the letter. Candace reads it, and Hanna says the baby knew this needed to be fixed. Candace says there’s nothing to fix; she let them kill her son. Hanna says, no, she didn’t. Candace says she doesn’t have time for this; she’s busy turning tricks. Hanna asks what it’s going to take, and Candace says, her dying. Hanna says the Bible says we should forgive, and Candace calls her the perfect saint. Hanna tells Candace that she never said that, but she’s wondering where all this anger came from; she doesn’t understand. Hanna says she’s sorry. She’s prayed, stopped praying, and doesn’t know what else to do. Candace doesn’t care. Benny says he’s not doing this anymore. He tells Candace that their mom has a nice house with plenty of room. Candace tells Hanna not to worry about her stepping into the house Hanna’s “massa” got her. Hanna hoped the letter would shake up something, but guesses there’s nothing. Candace wonders how the bullets missed Hanna. Hanna begged her for Quincy, and he would have been safe in foster care; he’d be alive. She says it’s just as much Benny’s fault, and to get out. Benny says War wasn’t after him. Hanna says that Candace has to make it the way she wants it, and to let it go; she’s hurting. Candace says Hanna knows nothing about her and to get out. There’s a knock at the door, and the truck driver (or not) comes in. He thinks he has the wrong room, and Candace says they need to go.

Hanna says Candace has to let truck driver dude go. He’s her father.

Next time, Kathryn continues to play matchmaker, Justin attacks Wyatt, and Hanna tells Candace she was an unwanted baby.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

LVP arrives at Vanderpump Dogs. She meets Peanut who came from a hoarder. She’s incredibly tiny, and I want her. They also have her sister. LVP thinks having the puppies come in feeds her addiction. She says Ken is going to want this one. He’s very attached to Giggy, and wants him cloned. It costs fifty grand, and LVP isn’t too sure. She thinks of what the money could do for the rescue. In her interview, she says he’s never talked about cloning her. They discuss the lawsuit. They were going to merge with another rescue center, and Ken thought they should withdraw. He had given them $40K, and now the woman is suing, saying Ken reneged on the partnership. Ohh, Peanut is sleeping half inside Ken’s shirt. LVP thinks Ken needs to be more stringent and careful.

Teddi visits her esthetician, Josh. She’s not into shopping, but likes a facial. She’s a fan of Botox, but has steered clear of fillers until now. She tells Josh about the Vegas trip, and thinks bringing Josh over is an appropriate thank you gift. She says they don’t have a lot in common, but they’re all concerned with their appearance.

Kyle is hands-on with American Woman, and we see clips of her involvement with the show. She says they film in the same lot that she and Kim grew up on. Kyle gets choked up watching an episode. She says as a child, her mom hid her vulnerability, but she can see it with an adult perspective now. She feels her sisters don’t understand the project, because it’s “inspired by” not “based on” their life. If she wanted something new as a kid, her mother would tell her to get a job and work for it. That’s how my father was. True story. The summer before my senior year of high school, my boyfriend was in NYC attending summer acting school. I wanted to visit, and my father was like, no way. I argued that I couldn’t do anything there that I couldn’t have done already where I was, since I was home alone while my dad was at work. He saw the logic in this, but told me although he’d pay for the plane ticket, I had to pay for the rest. That was fair.

Dorit asks Erika to come along to shop for PK’s birthday gift. Erika is glad they’ve put their differences behind them. The shopping trip is a chance to communicate without outside influences. They discuss men acting like infants when they get hurt. The rich – they’re just like us! Dorit goes to a Pagani dealership, but neither one of them know anything about these cars. The dealer tells her there are only thirty of them and the car is three million. Erika says Mr. Gerardi would have a problem with that. They take it for a test drive with Erika driving. She thinks it’s like driving a spaceship. It blows away her Lamborghini, and she’s like Little Sisters of the Poor in comparison. Dorit says if she buys this, PK won’t be thinking about the car, but taking her to an insane asylum for spending so much.

LisaR puts heavy cream in Harry’s tea, and it curdles. Harry says there’s a reason he does the cooking. He’s doing three different projects. LisaR gives Harry credit for turning down roles when the kids were small, so he could be there with them. Harry thinks Delilah going to NYC before she has things lined up, gives her too much leeway, so he doesn’t want her going before classes start at NYU. LisaR thinks the kids have to learn the hard way, and that sometimes you have to get your heart broken. Harry says his mind goes to scary things, but LisaR says she has a bubble of white light around them. He says he feels so much better now, and asks if creeps bounce off the bubbles. He wonders if maybe they could sell them.

Little dogs! Peanut! I want her! Kyle brings Portia and her friend, Elle, to Vanderpump Dogs, along with one of her dogs, Storm. One of the groomers has called in sick, so LVP pretends she forgot to tell Kyle. In her interview, LVP says she just likes to mess with Kyle, and they’re going to groom the dog themselves. Storm is not liking the bath one bit, and I can identify with this, since my Juliet screams like a banshee. It takes both of them to lift him onto the grooming table for drying, and LVP attacks Kyle with the hair dryer. Afterward, Kyle tells LVP that she got Storm from the rescue they were almost involved with. She says something like that is bound to happen when you own multiple businesses. LVP says it takes its toll, but she wonders how Ken is doing. She says it’s out for public consumption. She wonders why Teddi is so upset with Dorit, and we flash back to Lategate. Kyle says it was an argument over time that became something else, and does a wonderful impression of Dorit.

Teddi calls Dorit, and asks her to come early, before everyone else, so they can chat. In her interview, Dorit acts like an idiot about having to come a whole fifteen minutes earlier.

Teddi and her party planner, Jaime, grew up riding horses together. Teddi isn’t big on entertaining, but gets OCD when she has an event. Dorit manages to get there early. She says bright and early, but it’s just after four pm. They both get a drink. Dorit wonders why she got her rosé in a champagne glass. She tells Teddi that she’s not letting anyone touch her face. In her interview, Teddi says she was good with that ahead of time, and even mentioned it on the invite. She tells Dorit she didn’t really care that she was so late, and they immediately disagree on the time they were supposed to meet. Teddi tells Dorit that she’s never wrong about time; she’s an accountability coach. Dorit asks if she really thinks she would lie, but Teddi doesn’t know. She’s defending herself for something she didn’t do wrong, and talking about it to someone who isn’t involved. Dorit wonders how she got to be the villain. Teddi says it was obviously a miscommunication, and Dorit thinks she’s overreacting. Teddi says Dorit put her in the position of having a conversation with another woman about her. Dorit asks why Teddi didn’t talk to her, and if she’s talked to the others. Teddi says she did, and Dorit wonders what she did wrong. Teddi says she also hurt another girl’s feelings, and brings up Camille. Teddi realizes she’s not getting anywhere, and says, fine, let it go. Dorit says she’s changing her glass. I think the problem with Dorit is that she’s just plain rude.

LisaR says she’s always up for a spa day, and she needs a fluff and puff. Dorit brings up the glass again. LisaR understands the glass differences, but doesn’t give a sh*t about them. Dorit tells them she’s planning a 50^th birthday surprise party for PK, and she’s thinking old school, Frank Sinatra. PK has never had anyone plan a party for him. She has family and friends flying in. His family lives in London, and she feels like there couldn’t be anything better. It’s also black tie. Teddi doesn’t focus on aesthetics, and is uncomfortable about being out of her element. LVP joins them.

LVP says she heard about LisaR mentioning her husband. LisaR says she read about it, and wondered how they were doing. LisaR insists it was nothing malicious, although it didn’t seem that way to me. In her interview, LisaR says it’s all over TMZ, so you’d better believe she’s talking about it. Not malicious? She’s so full of it.

Kyle and Erika round out the group. Erika tells us that Tom has never been at home this much during the entire time they’ve been together. She needed an escape. Dorit pounces on Kyle about the time thing, and it’s like she’s watching a ping-pong match between Dorit and Teddi.

Camille arrives. Dorit says this is the most childish conversation ever, and Teddi says drop it, and gets on the table for a procedure. In her interview, she says her glam circle is more like a circle of death. Dorit tells LVP that Teddi claims Camille was offended by what she’d said. Erika says she left the house to get some peace, but instead of a glam circle, she entered a hen circle. Everyone gets various treatments done. In her interview, LVP says if poking fun at LisaR were a sport, she’d get a gold medal. There’s also a station with flowers and terrariums and crystals. I don’t know what that’s about, but it looks really cool. I love terrariums.

Dorit thinks it’s funny to bug Camille during her treatment. Camille tells her that the c-word is harsh, because she’s too stupid to know this. Camille also wasn’t happy with her strap-on comments.  Dorit says it came out of nowhere, and if her actions caused Camille hurt, she apologizes. In her interview, Camille is sure she’s sincere, but it would take a lot to trust her. They hug, and say they’ll do lunch.

Next time, LVP discusses Teddi with Dorit, PK’s party happens along with Boy George, and Dorit calls Teddi a psycho.

🍁 Since there was a block of time between shows, I saw Stripped. It was day six, so I figured they’d at least be somewhat clothed, and I wouldn’t have to see what I didn’t want to, even if it was blurred. I thought it was a rip-off. From what I understood, the participants started off with nothing, and each day they were allowed to reclaim one item, be it a fork or pants. The two guys I saw were totally dressed, including one wearing a baseball cap, and they kept going out to dinner with friends who paid for everything. There was an interesting moment at the end where they grilled some food, and used palm fronds as plates, along with twig utensils, but on the whole, this show was nothing like I thought. And I call cheating.

💃 I’ve also kind of been watching I Am Jazz, but I feel the same way I do about Sister Wives. I like the people a lot, and there’s the dynamic of living outside the norm, but it’s just day to day stuff. My neighbors are probably more interesting. Well, maybe not my neighbors, but somebody’s.

😵 I re-watched Vanderpump Rules. Jax’s face at the end, when he sees Brittany’s mother has come to visit, is worth the whole hour.

A Pagani Car