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April 5, 2016 — GH, Loving Wrong & Good-by Dubai

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Sam wonders why anyone would want Rachel Berlin dead, but Jason says maybe they were after Hayden.

Hayden thanks Curtis for walking her back home. He thinks it’s a bad idea for her to return to Windemere unless she has a death wish.

Elizabeth says this isn’t what Nicholas is and if he tries to murder Hayden again he could end up in prison and where will that leave Spencer?

Griff is playing sheriff opposite Emma’s doctor. Ha-ha! He says he has a serious case of hat head. Emma says she’s been a doctor for a long time, but it’s the worst she’s seen. She says she’s a doctor though, not a barber, but then says that was a line from Star Trek. Anna comes in and they tell her they’re playing cowboys and neurosurgeons. Sonny knocks at the door.

Michael meets Dante at the gym. Dante wants to know Sonny’s plans for Carrrlos.

Tracy comes to and Finn is there. He tells her she had another seizure and they’re waiting on test results. Dillon and Ned come in with some food, but Finn wants to see them out in the hall. Finn says it would appear they didn’t catch the infestation in time and Dillon asks if Tracy is dying.

Anna invites Sonny in. Emma says she has another cowboy hat, but Sonny says his wife thinks they don’t look good on him. She tells Griff he has a hat face and he’d also look good in a tutu, and Anna tells a story about Duke playing with her in a tutu. She says Finn is following in Duke’s footsteps and he’d be proud.

Michael acts clueless. Dante says he should have been a lawyer. Dante thinks Sonny knew already and told him. He asks Michael again what Sonny’s plans are.

Hayden says she just wants what’s hers. She says Nicholas owes her a nice life for the one he tried to take from her. Curtis says she got a second chance, so why tempt fate? Hayden is like, so what should I do? Waitress? She says she earned every penny she made when she was in finance. She tells him how Nicholas won’t honor the prenup. Curtis says money is like an addiction.

Sam says Hayden either doesn’t know where her father’s money is or doesn’t have access to it. Sam says she has to tell Nicholas about Hayden’s involvement with Tracy, and maybe he can put two and two together.

Elizabeth wants Nicholas to tell her what he’s going to do. He says he’s going home to Hayden and that’s all she needs to know. She gets a text from the hospital and has to leave.

Finn says Tracy isn’t responding as well as they’d like. Monica comes by and Finn explains that Tracy had a seizure because of water build up on the brain. Obrecht overhears and says they have to operate immediately.

Finn says he needs to look at the CAT scan, but if it shows what he thinks it will, surgery will be recommended. Elizabeth shows up and Monica tells her to get ready just in case. Paul comes by and Ned tells him to butt out and get lost. Dillon thinks Tracy might need more support and wants Paul to stay. Ned says to keep Paul away from him.

Finn sees the CAT scan and says they will have to operate. Dillon wants Griff and not Dr. Mays, but Finn says they should ask Tracy who she wants.

Sam and Jason come to Nicholas’s hotel room. Nicholas says he told Sam her services were no longer required, but she says she has information and asks if he wants to hear it.

Dante tells Michael that if Carrrlos turns up dead, Sonny will be the prime suspect. Michael tells him to ask Sonny about it, not him.

Emma goes upstairs to get her telescope. Anna says Sonny can trust Griff. Sonny says they have a location for Carrrlos. Griff says he guesses forgiveness is off the table and Sonny says justice comes first. Griff has to go back to the hospital.

Sonny tells Anna that Griff is a little judgmental with the kumbaya stuff. Anna says he’ll feel differently once Carrrlos is in custody. Sonny holds up a flash-drive.

Anna looks at the information on the computer and says Carrrlos must be on the run again. Anna asks if Sonny meant what he said about bringing Carrrlos to justice.

Sam tells Nicholas about Tracy saying Rachel was her secret weapon. She says it looks like they were working together to get ELQ. Nicholas says Hayden had been playing him all along. Sam sees that Nicholas is packing and asks if Hayden is gone now.

Hayden says she’s not addicted to money and that money junkies spend it like water and that’s not her. Curtis says why risk her life if not for the money. She says the money is a huge part of it, but it’s not for her. She wants to pay back her father’s investors. Curtis asks her if she’s rehearsing that speech for Nicholas. Hayden asks what’s in it for Curtis.

Finn says they’ve adjusted the medication to prevent another seizure and Tracy should be the one to make the decision about who is going to operate. Monica tells Dillon and Ned not to look frightened when they go into Tracy’s room. Finn says as things turned out, surgery is going to be required. She says she wants Griff to perform the surgery.

Anna and Emma come to the hospital.

Curtis says it’s always good to back a winner. Hayden says she’d hate to see his idea of rock bottom. He says she’s a survivor and he can’t wait to see how it turns out. He asks what she plans on doing when Nicholas gets home.

Nicholas says he’s going home because he loves Hayden and wants to save his marriage. He wants to find out what the reality of the situation is, and he’ll deal with it then. Sam says that’s crazy, but he says it’s his marriage. He thanks Sam for doing her job and asks her and Jason to leave.

Sonny, who apparently is completely fine now, comes into the gym and spars with Dante. He asks why Dante called him. Dante says he was wondering what Sonny’s plans are about Carrrlos.

Michael, with a really bad hairdo, shows up at the hospital and Ned explains Tracy needs surgery. Griff comes in and Obrecht tells him that Tracy wants him to perform the surgery.

Paul sees Anna and Emma. Anna tells Emma to go visiting. Paul says Emma seems to have adjusted well to her new life. Anna tells him she’s supposed to call Robin with an update, but she gave Robin her phone. Paul offers his.

Dante says he talked to Michael. Sonny says it’s not fair to talk to Michael about him, since he doesn’t involve the kids in the business. Dante tells Sonny if he finds Carrrlos, not to kill him.

Anna says she won’t be long. She pretends to have a bad connection so she can move away from him. When she gets out of sight, she takes a card out of the phone.

Sam tells Jason she should be glad Nicholas wants to wreck his own life, but Spencer deserves better. She thinks it’s crazy that he wants to stay married to Hayden. Jason says maybe Hayden has something on him.

Finn tells Griff that his record is very impressive, but he’ll be by his side for the operation. Monica asks Tracy how she’s doing. Tracy says Monica might think she’s going to live in the mansion by herself, but she’s sticking around until Alice has to carry them both upstairs.

Obrecht is concerned about Griff performing surgery on a major hospital donor. She says she has every confidence in him and Finn, but if it doesn’t go well, may God have mercy on their souls.

Elizabeth is going to be assisting. Because she knows Tracy, Griff asks if she’s going to be okay with it. Elizabeth says if it helps any, she and Tracy aren’t that close. Griff says he thinks people find their strength when things are at their worst.

Tracy is wheeled down the hall. Ned and Dillon are there, and Tracy says she wants eggs Benedict for breakfast. Ned suggests Cook sending over scrambled eggs and caviar. She says she’ll have both. Tracy tells Monica to keep her hands off her jewelry, but Monica says she’s not into costume pieces. Tracy says they haven’t seen the last of her and is wheeled into surgery.

Dante says he knows how Sonny works and that he wants to send a message. Dante suggests he not kill Carrrlos, but turn him over to the authorities. Dante hopes Sonny finds him first because if he shows up dead, Sonny will be blamed.

Nicholas goes home. Hayden says it’s the beginning of a beautiful friendship, without secrets and illusion. He says remind him to get her a dictionary, so she can look up the meaning of friendship. She says they’re two people who love a challenge and they have a connection. He says not anymore and she amends it to attraction. Nicholas wonders what her plan is. She says she hopes he kept the receipt for her shooting since she’s still there. She says she had Alfred set another place for dinner. Curtis is going to be staying with them for a while. Nice move!

Sam says the only secret she can think of is Jason’s identity, which is obviously out. They talk about Hayden getting shot. They come to the conclusion that Hayden figured out that Nicholas was behind it.

Tomorrow, Jason says Nicholas is capable of anything, Alexis visits Parker, and Carly begs Sonny not to put himself in the line of fire.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Lushion introduces Claudia to Natalie. There’s an awkward moment and Claudia excuses herself. Natalie asks why Claudia was all up in Lushion’s face. He says he was just giving her some work tips. Natalie deletes Claudia’s number from Lushion’s phone, even though he says he was just about to do that.

Lushion asks Natalie if she’s satisfied and she says maybe. He asks what she’s doing there and she tells him she brought him a meal. He says last he remembers is her cursing him out and telling him to get lost. She says she cares about him and asks if he’s doing anything illegal. He says no and she asks where he got the money from. He says he saved it. Natalie doesn’t understand how he saved so much on his salary. Lushion says he earned the money, that’s all she needs to know and he’s not fighting about it. She says okay, but asks him to promise that no one will hurt her kids if he gets into trouble. He says as long as he’s breathing, no one will hurt her or the kids.

She asks about Eddie and Lushion says he shot him eight times. Natalie almost freaks, but Lushion says Eddie was wearing a vest. Natalie says he could have killed Eddie. Lushion says if Eddie had hurt her, he would have. She calls him an OG, but he says he just doesn’t like the people he loves messed with. Natalie gives him a new key to her place and they get flirty. I like Lushion. I’m glad Natalie got a clue. He’s like that mighty good man of song fame.

Alex is still at Kelly’s with the baby, who I hope they give a name to soon. Kelly tells Alex she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way and Alex says she does. Kelly says everyone messes up, and it’s time for her to move on. Alex says it’s difficult when you’ve caused so much pain. Kelly says it’s been months. She says Alex has lost herself and wonders when that happened.

Kelly says when she first met Alex, she was a happy, strong and filled with life, and she has to get herself back. Alex asks how. Kelly says don’t ask how, do something. Alex asks what. Kelly doesn’t know, but says Alex can’t just live life reactive and she needs to make another choice.

Jerkface Eddie asks Claudia how it’s going. He tells her if she ever needs anything, he’s right there. She says she does need something and asks how Pete is. Eddie says probably dead by now and apologizes for being abrupt. He asks if she knew Pete and she says not really. He tries to flirt, but Claudia isn’t having any. She says she knows he’s with Esperanza, but he says that was over a long time ago. He says they should go out sometime, but Claudia says Esperanza already hates her. He tries flirting again, but crosses the line and she says he’s bordering sexual harassment. Eddie says he has a lot of pull around the station and she should be nicer. He tries to give her his number and she won’t take it.

Esperanza comes in and tells Claudia she needs to clock out. She wants Eddie to leave her office, but he won’t. She tries to grill Claudia on some procedures, but Claudia is flummoxed. Esperanza asks Eddie to leave again and he does. Claudia stumbles over telling her about talking to Eddie. Esperanza says she doesn’t care, but she’s concerned about Claudia’s lack of knowledge considering her resume. She says maybe this isn’t the job for her, but Claudia says she needs it. Esperanza says she’d better start showing some promise then.

Steven tells the guys that it looks like Pete is going to make it. He says the captain wants an officer with him at all times and an officer volunteers. He says he worked at the hospital and knows Pete. Steven makes some crap up as to why he shouldn’t do it. Ben volunteers. Lushion does too, but Steven says they need him on the streets. Ben is given the 8 to 8 shift.

Lushion is left alone with the guy who first volunteered. The officer thinks something weird is going on and Ben shouldn’t be guarding Pete. He tells Lushion he can’t say anymore. He says you can’t trust anyone there, especially Eddie, and that’s all he’s going to say. Lushion says he can see he’s scared and the officer says Lushion should be too. He talks about all the rookies who have been killed and tells Lushion to watch his back. He says if someone doesn’t look out for Pete, he’ll be dead by morning because he knew something that pissed someone off.

Alex and Kelly’s kids get off the school bus and Kelly directs them to her place. Paisley says the baby is beautiful and asks how he got a tan. Kelly’s son, Justice, tries to interject, but she stops him and they leave the room. Alex says she did something really bad to their dad. Paisley says Peter told her already. Peter says he heard them fighting and that he knows Alex and Randal had an affair. Paisley asks if Alex kissed Randal and when Alex says yes, she asks why. Alex says it was wrong and she shouldn’t have done it. She tells the kids that she and Brad are getting a divorce. Peter gets upset and goes to do his homework with Justice. Paisley tells Alex she loves her. Paisley says it will be okay and Alex agrees.

Insane Randal comes home. Louise is making dinner and asks where he went. He says he had important business to take care of. Louise asks again where he was and he says he went to see his lawyers. She asks what they told him about the divorce. He says he went to a family attorney, not a divorce attorney. Louise asks what he’s up to. He says he wanted to know his legal rights to his child. He says it’s his only child and Alex won’t let him see the baby. Louise says he shouldn’t see the baby now because everything is already out of control. She says he did all of this on purpose. He’s a psychologist who was a straight A student, and he manipulated Alex and Marcie. She says there’s malicious intent in what he did and it was no accident that Alex got pregnant just so he could have a son. She says she never thought Randal could sink lower than his father. He brings up Marcie and Brad, but Louise won’t have it. He says okay, he started it, but he’s going to finish it too. The judge granted an emergency hearing and he’s getting his child. Louise leaves the room disgusted.

Marcie is unpacking at the new apartment when Brad arrives. It’s a pretty nice place. They talk about how small it is. Marcie asks if he’d like some wine, but he wants something stronger. She points him toward the liquor. They both agree they’ve had long days. Marcie doesn’t have a drink, probably because she’s still drunk from that bender she was on for weeks.

She says they’ll have to share a bathroom, but Brad says he’s not a slob. Brad wonders what will happen when Alex and Randal find out they’re roommates. Marcie says she doesn’t care and Brad says neither does he. Marcie says she’s not a great cook and Brad says he knows, he’s had her cooking, and offers her some lessons.

Brad asks how long they’re doing this. Marcie says as long as it takes to heal, breathe and move on. Marcie says she’s going to bed. Brad says it’s not even five, but she says she could sleep for fifteen hours. Brad asks if he can hold her because he needs to be held. They hug. Marcie says she wishes she could say yes, but she has to say no. Brad says he understands and she says they can’t do this again. She says she’s sorry she put him in this situation and that she came over to his yard with every intention of sleeping with him. She says she was never so vulnerable, depleted and drunk, and it can’t happen again. Brad says he gets it and understands.

Marcie says she’s sorry and Brad says him too. She asks why. He says sex with her was better than it ever was with Alex and she made him feel desired, alive and wanted. He says he’s going to bury himself in work, and Marcie says good. He realizes he left his computer back at the house, but Marcie doesn’t want him to drive after drinking. She says she’ll take him and she’ll wait in the car.

Louise is leaving. I don’t want Louise to leave. She’s one of my favorite characters and the voice of reason. Randal asks if there’s too much drama, but Louise says it’s him that’s too much. She gives him a hug, trying not to cry. She says it’s probably the last time she’s going to see him, that she can feel it, adding that it’s all too much. Randal says he’s fine. They see Marcie drive up with Brad.

Randal starts walking over to the car, and Louise tells him no and tries to stop him. Randal tries to hassle Marcier. He gets in her face and Louise drags him out of the car and pushes him back toward the house while he laughs like a lunatic.

A process server comes up to Brad and hands him the court order, saying he’s been served. Marcie tells him not to open it. I can’t figure out why Brad would be involved in this, since it’s Alex and Randal’s child. Randal does some more crazy laughing.

Next week, Eddie says dead men tell no tales, Brad tries to see Alex, Randal hassles Kelly, and Alex tells Randal he was the worst mistake of her life and she’ll show him how far a mother will go to protect her child. Alrighty then!

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Dubai, part two. The ladies get in a white Rolls to go shopping. LisaV wonders if LisaR is her friend and Kyle says at least she didn’t get slapped this time. Eileen, LisaR and Erika are in one car, with LisaV, Kyle and Kathryn in the other.

The go to the largest mall I’ve ever seen and get into chauffeured golf carts to go around to the stores. Kyle says she’s overwhelmed and wishes she was an octopus with eight credit cards. Erika says you can find things in Dubai that you can’t find in the states. I’ll have to take her word for it.

LisaV thinks Eileen and LisaR are ignoring her. Kyle is already freaking about their next adventure, going up in the world’s tallest building. Yep, it’s big. Olga, their guest ambassador, is escorting them to the 148th floor, three at a time. The elevator is very small.

Olga takes them to the observation deck. Yep, that’s high up. I went to the top of the World Trade Center years ago, and that was pretty high, but this thing is up in the clouds. Eileen says she feels like if she moves forward, she’ll plunge off. That’s a symptom of vertigo, Eileen. Kyle coaches LisaV as to how to apologize to Eileen, and she does. Eileen is good with it and they hug.

Yolanda gets together with Brandi and Kim for a picnic. Eww! I thought she was smarter than this. She says what you see with them is what you get. I agree with that, but I don’t like what I see. Brandi says blah, blah, blah about being promiscuous. Brandi is wearing a shirt that says “it’s not fun to be sober,” which is really nice considering Kim is an alcoholic. She gives Kim a shirt that says “medicated.” No comment.

Erika’s gay glam squad is doing Kathryn’s makeup. It’s her birthday. Kathryn says that if she could ask for one gift, it would be that everyone get along for the night. Amen, sista.

Yolanda says people aren’t about fixing things anymore and will toss you aside like an old shoe when you’re sick. Kim says it’s all about today and you shouldn’t look back. Yolanda says it’s been a rough year for all of them. Yolanda spills something on her bag and Brandi says lucky she’s rich, which is actually funny.

The ladies go out on a yacht for Kathryn’s birthday. LisaR says she’s never been on a yacht. Really? Even I’ve been on a yacht. It’s a beautiful night and they’re going to cruise the coastline. It’s absolutely gorgeous.

Eileen asks LisaR how she’s feeling. The ladies are in the same groups that they were in the cars. LisaV basically says she told Eileen what she wanted to hear. Eileen says Yolanda and LisaV have issues and she’s using LisaR to get to Yolanda. I dunno about that. LisaR thinks they hate each other and they’re pawns in the game. That’s definitely getting overly-dramatic.

Erika is like, is this a party or an oil painting? Kathryn gets a call from her mom, who she’s very close to. She tells her she’s the best mom in the world. Her mom has been struggling with memory loss, so the call is even more special. Everyone gets emotional. LisaR says her mother doesn’t call anymore due to a stroke years ago. LisaR and Eileen leave the table to discuss. Eileen says most of the time her mom doesn’t know her anymore. Sad emoji.

Kyle tells LisaV that nobody feels good when something happens like the altercation the night before. Eileen says she has sympathy for Lisa because she feels the need to control things. The ladies all get back together and there’s some swearing, which is illegal, but Erika says they’re on a boat for Pete’s sake.

They have dinner on the deck. Kyle says things are awkward and they can’t not talk, and they shouldn’t be dividing up into corners. LisaV says she doesn’t understand some of the things LisaR does, and it’s probably vice versa. LisaR says she thinks the problem is that LisaV is angry with Yolanda, going back to when Yolanda got nasty with Ken. LisaV says she felt protective the same way LisaR did with Harry in Amsterdam. In Kyle’s interview, she says that there are definitely issues between LisaV and Yolanda. LisaV says LisaR would feel the same way.

Eileen says LisaR’s feeling is that she was being set up with the Munchausens thing. LisaR says LisaV wanted her and Kyle to take the fall. I can’t believe they’re still belaboring this point. LisaV says she wouldn’t do that to Kyle. LisaR says that’s her reality and she’s sticking to it. She and Eileen keep trying to drag Kyle into it, while Kyle wants the floor to swallow her up. They go back and forth a million times. Kathryn thinks the whole thing is embarrassing. In her individual interview, Erika says it’s a leveraged relationship between Kyle and LisaV, not a friendship.

It just keeps going around and around. Eileen is annoyed because she thinks Kyle is pleasing LisaV to keep their friendship alive. Eileen leaves the table. Kyle tells LisaR she cares about LisaV and that’s the way it is. LisaR says that’s it then. Everyone leaves, and Kyle and LisaV are at the table alone.

Kyle says she loves LisaV who’s like a sister to her, but she’s been put in a bad position. She says she looks like an idiot. Eileen moves toward the table and Kathryn tells her to stay out of it. Kyle says she was covering LisaV’s ass. In her individual interview, LisaV says Kyle straddles the fence sometimes. Kyle asks her to just say that maybe she said something wrong, but LisaV isn’t okay with that.

Kyle says she’s copped to things she’s said about LisaV and she won’t tell a lie. Lisa says she’s not asking her to lie and Kyle says no, she’s asking Lisa not to. She tells Lisa she’s not telling the truth.

Kathryn says this is like two shades of batsh*t crazy. Ever over-the-top, LisaR says they’re all collateral damage in the game between LisaV and Yolanda. Please. This bunch should just drop it and move on.

Kyle ends up saying she doesn’t care and just wants to drop it. She tells LisaV not to say anymore. In her individual interview, Kyle says she’s disappointed and that Lisa always has to have the last word. That might be true, since every time Kyle says let’s drop it, Lisa continues to say she never said that.

Kyle goes to get the cake. Eileen says it’s a weird time to be bringing it out and Kyle says she doesn’t care. Kyle brings out the cake. Kathryn wishes for health and happiness, and asks everyone to be civil to one another. LisaV gives Kathryn a beautiful wallet.

The ladies meet for breakfast. LisaV and Kyle are getting ready together and gossiping. At the table, Kyle asks what everyone’s favorite part of the trip was. The view is popular and also the desert. Eileen says everything was bigger than life, including the drama. Erika thanks Kyle for her first girls trip. They toast.

Next week, the finale, Faye Resnick returns, LisaR calls out Yolanda for being manipulative, Kim and LisaR tangle, and Yolanda is getting divorced from that rotten cretin of a husband she is too good for.

April 4, 2016 — GH, Good-by Pump & Hello Charm

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Maxie is shocked about Claudette, saying she thought Nathan would always be honest with her. Nathan says the marriage was annulled.

Nina asks Curtis what low-life weasel is undermining Crimson, when Julian comes out of the elevator. Nina is like, hey, tell Julian too, and Curtis is like, gulp.

Franco tells Elizabeth that the housing market stinks, but he knows a place she can go to. She asks if he means his place, but he says no, Jason’s place. Why?

Meanwhile, Sam and Jason are at the prison visiting Shawn.

Hayden tells Nicholas they’re not getting a divorce because of what she knows about him. She says he has a history of bad decisions, along with faulty execution, and now he needs to pay.

Maxie says just because the marriage was annulled doesn’t fix things. She says they’ve been together over a year and he’s never mentioned it.

Nina introduces Curtis to Julian. She tells him that Curtis won the contest and he’s also a resourceful P.I., who she hired to see who’s sabotaging Crimson. Julian says he told her to drop it, but she says it’s not for nothing because Curtis got the information. Curtis won’t say who the guilty party is, and Nina suddenly realizes it’s Julian.

Finn wants to schedule an MRI for Tracy. Elizabeth says he’s not on the list. He asks if they’re practicing medicine or paperwork. Obrecht comes by and says she expedited matters and he now has privileges. When he leaves, Obrecht tells Elizabeth that Finn won’t he there long.

Sam thinks of possible gunman scenarios.

Hayden goes down Memory Lane about Nicholas and Jake Doe. She brings up the shooting and says the police say it was a mistake. Nicholas says Shawn confessed, but Hayden wonders if she could have been the intended victim. She says there was another hit man, sent by Nicholas.

Nina goes apesh*t on Julian. We don’t see it, only Curtis’s expression and all the stuff she’s throwing. Curtis backs out into the elevator, saying he’ll leave them to it and send an invoice.

Maxie wants to know everything. Nathan says he was still in New York and in uniform. He was hanging out with his co-workers at a bar and that’s where they met. He says they went out a couple of times and he asked her to marry him.

Finn tells Tracy he now has privilege to treat her. She says her thinking is clearer and she’s feeling better, but he says the scans have to be clear for two weeks. She wants to recover at home.

Elizabeth says she’s not showing up on Jason’s doorstep. Geez, thanks for doing one right thing. She’s going to do it on her own. Franco says he’s proud of her. I’m proud of her for giving Sam and Jason five minutes alone.

Sam talks to Shawn behind the visiting room glass. Hi, Shawn! We missed you! Sam asks if he knew who Hayden really was. He asks who she is and Sam says that she’s Richard Berlin’s daughter. She says they wondered if Hayden was an intended target and Shawn says she’s not the first one to approach him about it.

Nicholas thinks Hayden is bluffing, but she says her father told her never to play if she’s not going to win. She says she overheard Nicholas and Laura talking and she also has proof. She gives him a list of demands, including ELQ, or she’ll go to the police. He says if she goes to the police she’ll lose everything, and Hayden says not as much as him. She says one day they’ll laugh about it and that it’s ironic that in trying to protect ELQ, he lost it.

Franco says that Elizabeth was in a time-to-call-FEMA mess when Jason ditched her and it’s an amazing improvement. She thanks him. Obrecht watches from the sidelines.

Nina is still going nuts on Julian. She says she and Maxie were trying to pull Crimson out of the fire, while he was fanning the flames. He tries to explain about the IRS. She says he hired her to kill the magazine and she brought it back to life, and not only are they setting trends, they’re creating them. She says good thing for him she’s mellowed. And then plucks one of her shoes out of his jacket. She starts to call the police.

Nathan says he and Claudette did some New York City things on their second date, although all the things he lists would be impossible to do in one day. He says it seemed like a bucket list, and realized Claudette’s Canadian visa was expiring, so he married her. Maxie says, so it was a marriage of convenience. He says, at first.

Nicholas says if money and ELQ were Hayden’s goals, she could have just taken them and left. He says she wants to rebuild what she broke and still loves him.

Sam asks who talked to Shawn about Hayden being the intended target. He says Hayden herself.

Tracy gets out of bed and Finn threatens to sic Monica on her. He says they don’t know the long term effects yet and she could have another seizure. He says he wants his patients to live because he’s funny that way.

Nina says Nathan would be very interested in what Julian has done. She says it’s one count of fraud for every ad. Julian says if she turns him in, the advertisers will sue and Crimson will fold anyway. She says she’ll be a hot commodity and will just get a job elsewhere.

Nathan says Claudette moved in and they had to know everything about one another because of the INS checks. He says somewhere along they line, he fell in love, but she didn’t. She was cheating on him the whole time and had manipulated him. He says he couldn’t forgive her, and Claudette said love was never part of the arrangement anyway, so he got an annulment. Maxie asks what happened to Claudette, but Nathan says he doesn’t know (leaving it open for her to show up at some point). Maxie says she’s sorry for what happened, but he did a good thing and she wouldn’t have held it against him.

Shawn says Hayden thought there was someone else involved. She asked if he remembered anything odd, but he didn’t. Sam asked when Hayden was there and Shawn says before Thanksgiving. He wonders if she ever got her proof.

Nicholas says feelings don’t just disappear. He says if Hayden forces him to stay in the marriage, they have no chance of rebuilding. She asks if they have a chance of a real marriage. Elizabeth walks in and Hayden says she’ll wait for him at home, and dinner is at 7. She tells Elizabeth she’s no longer welcome at Windemere. She leaves and cries in the hallway. Elizabeth asks what she walked in on and Nicholas says his ruin.

Finn and Tracy play Monopoly. Tracy is winning. She wonders how he can devote himself to a single patient. He says he has other things going on, like research. She says she was pretty certain she was dying and she thanks him for proving her wrong.

Franco asks Obrecht if she wants to go for a drink. Obrecht says she needs to keep an eye on Finn. She also says if he’s going to cheat on Nina to be more discreet.

Nicholas tells Elizabeth that Hayden knew about the shooting and was patiently biding her time. He says she wants to punish him. Elizabeth suggests going to the police, but Nicholas says no. She asks what he’s going to do, stay with Hayden the rest of his days? He says not on your life, but Hayden’s is another matter.

Hayden tells Curtis to put what proof he has somewhere safe. She says she needs an insurance policy in case something happens with her paperwork. She says she had to tell Nicholas what she knew. Curtis thinks she shouldn’t go back to Windemere.

Sam thanks Shawn and says if they find out anything else, she’ll let him know. Shawn wants to speak to Jason. He says that he was astonished when he found out who Jake Doe was and he couldn’t believe he almost killed his friend. Jason says maybe there was a reason he didn’t get a clean shot.

Nathan tells Maxie he was ashamed of himself. He says he should have known she would sympathize, but he was trying to bury his past. He says he never thinks about Claudette, but the glove brought her name back and that’s why he said it when he was doped up in the hospital.

Nina says she’ll keep her mouth shut about Crimson in return for Julian giving the magazine to her. He says he can sell it to her, but if he gives it to her, it will be a red flag to the IRS. She says to give her full control then. Julian doubts her talents, but Nina says he’s been wrong before and asks if they have a deal.

Julian says Nina drives a hard bargain. She says hardly, since he’s leaving alive. Maxie comes in and thinks they had a break-in since everything is everywhere. Julian leaves and Nina says she’ll explain what happened over champagne. Maxie says she found out that Claudette isn’t a dog, but she is a bitch.

Nathan calls Obrecht and tells her to be careful what she says to Maxie regarding Claudette. She asks if he told Maxie. He says he didn’t tell her everything.

Elizabeth tells Nicholas not to try and kill Hayden again. Like someone needs to be told something like this.

Curtis says the closer Hayden gets to Nicholas, the closer Nicholas is to burying her. Hayden says she guesses there’s nothing to stop Nicholas from trying again. Curtis says that’s wrong, she has him.

Finn takes Tracy for a walk to the vending machine. He sees her nose bleeding and yells for a wheelchair. She starts to have another seizure.

Tomorrow, Sam tells Nicholas she’s sorry, Dillon asks if Tracy is dying, and Dante says that Sonny is the prime suspect if Carrrlos turns up dead.

Vanderpump Rules — Part Three

Raise your glasses high, people!

They start off talking about Stassi’s sex tape. Lisa put up $900 to make it go away and they laugh about it going so cheap. Lisa says she wanted Stassi to acknowledge her efforts. Stassi says the dude still has the video though and she didn’t want anyone to give him anything. Stassi says he should have signed a contract and Lisa says she should have written one up then.

Andy asks James why he felt the necessity to broadcast the details of Lala’s sex life. James apologizes, but Lala says it caused a rift between her and an old boyfriend. Lala says she cared deeply for him and now he’s no longer in her life.

They talk about the launch party for Katie’s blog. She says she kept the guest list small, since she didn’t want a bunch of nonsense, and thanks James for causing a ruckus with Kristen. Kristen says she tried to do as much damage control as possible.

Andy asks why Stassi picked Schwartz to approach about becoming friends with Katie again. Jax says it’s the first time he’s seen Schwartz stand up for Katie like he did. Schwartz says Stassi needed to have the smack brought down on her. Stassi says she was surprised, but she respects him. Schwartz says he invited her to the engagement party because he thought she was sincere. Tom thinks she cried to get what she wanted. Stassi says people who think other people are calculated are probably calculating themselves, and she never questions people who are apologizing. I do. I also make them be specific so both of us know exactly what they’re apologizing for.

They talk about Stassi making up with Scheana at Lala’s housewarming. Scheana says she thinks Stassi was sincere. but then they lost contact again and she thought Stassi was just using her to get to Katie. They reconnected later though, and everything is good. Stassi says she knows she’s selfish and is realizing that different friends have different needs. Congratulations on figuring out the obvious.

We flash back to the beach engagement photos. Andy asks James about getting fired from PUMP. Lisa says Kristen provoked the situation. Kristen disagrees, but Lisa says there are a million other places she could have gone to. Tom says James has a small fuse and Kristen should have known better. Kristen says again that James makes her skin crawl. James says when Richardson tried to diffuse the situation, he went off on him too. More flashbacks. Jax says James needs a good face punching. Can I get in line? Lisa says he needs to respect those above him and he’s hanging on by the skin of his teeth. Andy suggests that maybe James shouldn’t drink. Gee, think so, Andy?

Andy talks about Ariana being offended by Kristen taking a dip in the sketch comedy pond. We flash back to when Ariana said she takes comedy seriously. Everyone says Kristen did well, but Ariana says what she saw on YouTube was unoriginal. Why anyone cares about this is beyond me. Ariana gripes about how so many people work hard to get their stuff seen and it’s unfair for Kristen to possibly (in this case, possibly meaning probably not) get something on national TV. We saw like 10 seconds of her bit, so I don’t think any aspiring comics have anything to worry about.

Andy points the finger at Jax for ratting Ariana out. He says he’s not malicious, he just does stupid sh*t. I agree. I don’t think he’s smart enough to be malicious. Talk goes back and forth about things said in confidence being used as ammunition. Man, I hate that. I could never be friends with any of these people because they all do it.

Tequila Katie is brought up — Katie’s personality when she gets drunk and angry. Andy reads some of her rage texts to Schwartz. I drank a lot when I was their age too, but I never once had any of these problems. There’s a discussion about how Katie needs to be calmed down when she’s angry. Schwartz says she doesn’t want to be challenged when she has a feeling, which I think goes for most of us. For some reason, Schwartz says when you’ve seen Lisa Vanderpump topless, everything else is insignificant. We flash back to when the guys found the nude picture of her and we see some new footage of them pretending to — oh never mind.

Andy asks Ariana if she’s withdrawn from the group, but she says she’s more about individual friendships. Jax talks about how Tom distanced himself when he started getting serious about Ariana. Um…that’s kind of normal. Andy stirs the pot in saying Jax isn’t supportive of Tom’s music career, and Jax says he thinks Tom is super talented, but when he gets a bug in his head, there’s no shutting him up.

We flash back to Jax saying he’s the number one guy in the group. Hahahahahaha! That was one of the funniest moments this season. Even he thought he was ridiculous.

The Palm Springs trip is up next, and they talk about Katie’s surprise appearance. Katie says she wanted Stassi to be genuine and that was the best way to do it. We now flash back to when Stassi blew Katie’s friendship off. Katie says she didn’t think Stassi was capable of humility. Neither did I, but it happened, so anything is possible. She also looks a million times better now that she’s put on a few pounds. She probably feels better now that she’s eating. Although I understand being young, broke and living on French bread and jelly.

They talk about Scheana and Katie drifting apart, and Katie having a one-night stand with some guy Kristen was dating (Carter). Kristen says she found him on a dating app and although she didn’t know him, everyone else did, and she did ask Katie if it was okay. To which Katie replied she couldn’t care less. Andy throws out Kristen sleeping with James while she was dating Carter. Kristen acts like it was no big deal, but James says she swore him to secrecy. They talk about James having slept with Jenna and Kristen having a bad reaction to that. Lala says she can’t stand Katie. It’s quiet, but we see it in subtitles. They talk way too long about James and Kristen having sex. Kristen says after it happened, she knew she liked Carter better. Moving on.

Next is the engagement party. Lisa says she didn’t want Stassi or Kristen there, but when they showed up, she put her feelings aside. They talk about Kristen’s too long speech and how Lala yelled at her to wrap it up. Lala claims she had anxiety. I don’t know how, since she was drunk as a skunk. Schwartz says they were less upset about the interruption than her hair-do. Ha-ha! I forget who called it the Shih Tzu look at the time, but that was pretty accurate.

Commercial break with important information. Vanderpump Rules: Secrets Revealed airs Thursday, April 7th at 10 pm.

Andy asks Lala what was in her head when she shoved Kristen. Lala says she apologized at the time, and still feels sorry about it, and she also apologizes to Katie. They move on to how stoned James was the night he decided to stop drinking. He claims to have a medical marijuana card and makes up a bunch of reasons why.

Andy asks why Jax hates James so much. He gives a bunch of reasons, but it boils down to inappropriate behavior. James suggests he’s jealous. They start talking about beating each other up and everyone talks at once. James says he’s 10 times more talented than Jax and Jax tells him he is not the white Kanye West. Several of them say James isn’t taken seriously. Jax and James talk about beating each other up again. Stassi says he’s an a-hole and James says they’re all a-holes. Andy says it’s the ultimate who has the bigger d*ck contest.

Andy asks Stassi what it was like sitting down with Jax after all this time. He says that it seemed like Jax was partly making peace and partly telling her she wasn’t welcome. Stassi talks about Brittany and what a great girl she is.

Schwartz asks if James and Lala have ever had sex. James says once, but it never happened again. More weenie talk.

Lisa says it’s been an amazing year. Andy gives Stassi the “shag, marry, kill” question that I hate so much. James is texting and says he’s upset that Andy didn’t plug the PUMP CD.

Ken and Peter come out with Pumptinis and dogs. Giggy! Lisa says she loves everyone, even Stassi, and thanks everyone for being honest with their lives. Apart from Jax, who’s a liar. Really, she said that.

Until next time.

Southern Charm

We start with a dinner party at Thomas’s new house. He gives a speech, as always, thanking everyone for their support. As usual, he can’t shut up and starts reading everyone. Half the party leaves with Thomas following them, telling them to get out and hurling insults at them.

Three months earlier. Shep meets Cameran for a fishing trip. She handled the sale of Shep’s home when she was just starting out, so she’s chartered a boat as a gift to him. They talk about Craig, who has moved home with mommy and daddy. Cameran says he’s saving money and Shep wonders if he isn’t bored. Shep says placating someone isn’t real friendship and he’s the only one who called Craig out for being a lazy jerk.

Craig says moving back to Delaware has helped to reset his life and priorities. We flash back to him getting fired from the law firm. He says his heart will always be in Delaware, but Charleston is where he sees his life, so he’s moving back.

Cameran and Shep talk about Thomas and Kathryn’s new surprise baby. Cameran says she doesn’t like talking about it because their relationship is tumultuous, yet they can’t be bothered to use birth control.

Craig meets his girlfriend Naomie. Another reason he wants to go back to Charleston. He says she’s originally from France and they went to the same college. Naomie’s parents are letting them use their house to live in until it sells. They decide to have a party. Naomie asks if Craig is going to invite Shep, and Craig says he’d like to put the friendship back together.

Kathryn is home with the baby, and another on the way. She was hoping it would bring her and Thomas closer together, but that didn’t happen. She sends him a text telling him to leave her alone.

Patricia, Whitney’s mom, is getting ready for who knows what. She dresses up to sit at home. Whitney comes in and she asks if he noticed anything missing. Oh no! Michael, the butler or whatever he is, is on vacation. Since Patricia has no interest in an inferior martini, she gives them up when he’s gone. Whitney’s restaurant is already a million and a half over budget and six months behind, but he tells Patricia everything is going swimmingly. Yeah, as in he’s drowning.

Patricia asks if he’s seen Thomas. Patricia thinks Thomas and Kathryn are both morons. Well, at least we’re in agreement on something.

Cooper comes to visit Kathryn. She wasn’t sure if they could be friends, since he’s friends with Patricia, but she says he has her back. She’s out on Thomas’s family plantation, which is about 800 acres and includes a slave cemetery. Kathryn asks why Patricia despises her, and does an imitation of Patricia using a British accent.

Patricia says Kathryn has no proper education or career, and if it didn’t work the first time, why is she having another baby? Patricia says she’s not interested in Kathryn, but for some reason Kathryn is obsessed with her and Whitney. She says she’s glad it’s not Whitney whose involved with her.

Kathryn says Patricia puts Whitney on a pedestal even though he’s never amounted to anything. Wait until Patricia gets a load of the restaurant. Cooper says Kathryn swept into their perfect little world and disrupted things.

Naomie and Craig have champagne. He says he wants to prove to his friends that he’s a different person now. They call Shep and leave a message. Craig says he hopes Shep isn’t still dodging his phone calls after six months. I would.

Thomas’s new house is being refurbished. It was built in 1813 and I cry because all the wrong people have the money. Landon comes over. They’ve been hanging out since they’re new neighbors. Thomas has a black eye and Landon asks what happened. He says some guy was harassing him in a club and when he asked his bodyguards to have the guy removed, he got head butted. I see those bodyguards are earning their paycheck. He gives her a tour of the house.

Landon asks what’s up with Kathryn. Apparently if kids are born “out of wedlock” there, the mother has total control, and she’s using it. He says he wants a court order, but at the end of the day, they’ll have to co-parent. Landon says there’s no reasoning with Kathryn. Thomas suggests shock treatment because he’s such a d-bag.

Craig and Naomie are getting ready for the party.

Landon’s next stop is Shep’s house. She asks if he’s seen Craig. He says he hasn’t, but not because he’s been avoiding him. Landon says Shep hurt Craig’s feelings. Awww! Too bad. Shep says he doesn’t exploit people’s weaknesses, and he gave Craig the benefit of the doubt and in the end felt betrayed.

Kathryn is hanging out with her friend Jennifer. She says Landon propositioned Thomas when he was in London after their break-up. Really? I know he has money, but there have got to better fish in the Charleston sea.

Whitney joins Shep and Landon. Landon says Kathryn hates her because she doesn’t understand platonic friendships between men and women.

The party guests start to arrive. Cameran says Craig still uses too much hair product and looks like an Italian drug dealer, but at least he doesn’t reek of alcohol. She says Craig has gone from a slum dog millionaire to the Fresh Prince of Charleston. Craig isn’t sure if he and Shep will ever be close again, but he wants the friendship back. Shep says he’s so Eurotrash.

Lots of mingling and drinking and catching up. Whitney says he’s lost touch with Thomas but doesn’t miss the friendship. Whitney introduces Thomas to a college girl and Thomas acts stupid. No surprise. What an embarrassment this dude is. Cameran doesn’t know what to say about the pending baby, so she doesn’t say anything.

Kathryn says no one has reached out to her since she got pregnant again.

Time to eat. Kathryn ignores Thomas. He says he knows he should talk to her, but doesn’t know how not to set her off. Craig and Shep have a drink together. Craig says he thinks they can be friends like in the old days. Shep says he tried to be supportive, but Craig was pretty delusional before he left. Craig says Shep was being mean. Waaaah! Shep says he’s only hard on people he likes and Craig says no one ever called him on his bs before. Craig says he hopes Shep will give things a shot and Shep is agreeable.

Thomas sits down with Kathryn. He asks about the baby, but she’s not having it. She asks how he is and he tells her about the house he’s renovating. She says these are the problems you have when you have no problems. Exactly. He says they’re going with periwinkle for the baby’s room. She asks who helped him to pick it out.

He says his decorator helped him. Kathryn notices Landon is wearing a periwinkle dress and wonders if that’s an inside joke. Thomas asks to feel her belly, while everyone stares at them. So much for Southern discretion.

This season, everyone goes to the Founders Ball, Patricia thinks it’s the end of Western civilization, Thomas jumps out a window to avoid Kathryn (because he’s 15 years old), there’s lots of drinking, Thomas and Kathryn continue to fight, and I assume we eventually see the beginning of that dinner party as well.

April 3, 2016 — The Land of Oz, the Dead Finale, Cait, Atlanta & Potomac

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time

Back in the Land of Oz, Zelena looks into her magic mirror and sees her mother, Rose MacGowan, giving her away as a baby. The computer generated Scarecrow drops in. Zelena needs some things for her time travel spell — innocence, love, courage and wisdom. She’s thinking of starting with the Scarecrow’s brain for wisdom, but Dorothy storms in.

Dorothy says she has the most powerful weapon of all, the love of the people. Zelena is about to throw a green fireball at her, when Toto, who is used to this gig, brings down the curtain — on Zelena’s head.

Hades tries to hurry Gold up, but he says the magic can’t be rushed. Hades wants a portal to Storybrooke and he wants it now.

Back in Storybrooke, Belle is tending to Zelena’s baby with Mother Superior’s help. Except Mother Superior is really Zelena who’s come for her baby.

Gold asks Hades what he wants with Zelena’s child. Hades isn’t talking though. He says just get him the baby, he’ll rip up the contract, and Gold’s second born child will belong to Gold and Belle again.

Zelena picks up the baby. The real Mother Superior draws a weapon, but Zelena thinks she’s bluffing. Gold is putting some of his own blood in the cauldron and all of a sudden a portal opens up in the middle of the room. No baby though.

Belle, Zelena and the baby are in the middle of nowhere. A nowhere with a red sky. Zelena recognizes it as the Underworld. Zelena says they’re here because of her, and that Hades wants her baby. She begs Belle to hand the baby over, but while Zelena is incapacitated, Belle jets.

In past Oz, Zelena pressures the Munchkins as to the Scarecrow’s whereabouts. Hades drops in and she asks who the hell he is, which he says is a more appropriate question than she knows. He says her handiwork has impressed him and he’s heard a rumor she’s dabbling in time travel. Zelena says she would have had the brain from the Scarecrow if it hadn’t been for Dorothy. Hades wants to help her out, but she wonders why he’d want a time travel spell. He won’t tell her and she says she doesn’t need his help.

Snow and David are at the Underworld diner. Snow is fretting about Neil. The proprietress tells them they can speak to him; it’s just a simple haunting. She has David breathe into a tube as payment because the breath of the living brings a nice price on the black market. She tells them to go down the street to the phone booth and tell the operator who they’d like to haunt. Doesn’t the diner have a phone? I guess the Underworld is the only place with a public phone now.

Henry has written some more story, but doesn’t remember writing it. Everyone has their ideas and he suggests maybe they’d like to write it themselves. Zelena knocks at the door. Regina asks if she’s dead, but she says she came through the portal along with her baby, who’s in danger.

Hades shows up at Zelena’s place in old Oz. He tells her he can help; he wasn’t just blowing smoke. He says he knows she’s thinking about her sister, who got everything while she didn’t. He says he gets it, because his brother Zeus put him in the same position. All he was left with was anger and a thirst for vengeance, and only true love’s kiss can free him. Zelena says she can give him a run for his money and he says that’s why they have to find the ingredients. He says he can find the scarecrow and if he can travel back in time, he’ll be the one on Olympus while his brother suffers.

Robin says he can track anyone and will find the baby. Belle takes the baby into a library. An elevator opens and Gold comes out. He asks what she’s doing there and if she’s dead. She says no, she’s there with Zelena. He says that explains why the spell didn’t work — it brought all three of them. He explains about the deal he made with Hades. Belle is surprised to find out she’s pregnant, with a baby that Gold already sold. He says that can be fixed and she’s upset that he’s the Dark One again.

He takes out the dagger and says he loves it, but he loves Belle too. He says he’s sorry though, but this is who he is. He doesn’t want to let the power go again. Belle asks not even for her? He says falling in love with the man behind the beast wasn’t what she did. She fell in love with the man and the beast, and one doesn’t exist without the other. She says she can’t deal with it, and he says she just has to choose to, and they can have a family and happiness. She says she doesn’t want to make any choices until he fixes things and she’s back in Storybrooke.

There’s a pretty long line for the phone booth.

Zelena asks what they named the baby. Robin says he’s been too busy protecting her to name her. Regina says she was like Zelena once, but her enemies became her family and now she’s happy. She says that when family needs your help, you step up. Zelena says her family does need her help — her daughter is her family.

Back in the day, Hades and Zelena go to the forest where he brings out a bicycle. He tells her to get on it with him and they ride through the forest. She says it’s like a broom with wheels. They take a tumble and get a little flirty. She asks how the bike is going to help. Hades says the bike is enchanted and belongs to Dorothy. It will take them to the Scarecrow.

Belle, carrying the baby, meets the others in the woods. Belle wonders what Zelena is doing here. Belle says Zelena stole the baby, but Zelena says it’s her baby. The baby starts to cry and Zelena wants to feed her. Robin says she’d better give the baby back when she’s done. Zelena gives the baby a bottle, but refuses to return her.

Snow and David join the others. They’re not sure if there was actual communication or the dead just hear their voices.

Zelena tries to calm the baby, but her magic won’t work.

Old days Hades and Zelena ride to a cabin where Dorothy and the Scarecrow are. Dorothy tries to intervene, but Zelena gets the Scarecrow’s brain. Zelena says she’s not going to kill Dorothy because she wants Dorothy’s people to know she can’t protect them. Zelena tells Hades he was right, but he’s disappeared, leaving only the bike.

Robin and the crew try to get Zelena to come out. She brings the baby out and says she can’t protect her. She says Hades wants to use her for a time travel spell. She says he had love in his heart and because of her, it’s gone. Regina says he needs the baby because it’s a symbol of innocence. Zelena tells them to take the baby and protect her, even if it’s at the expense of her never seeing her baby again.

Robin doesn’t want to name the baby yet, as Hades can do things like put it on a gravestone to keep someone there. Henry comes out with more of the story. He says he doesn’t remember writing it; it just wrote himself. It’s about Neil hearing the voices of his parents. Lots of warm fuzzies. Snow wants to get moving. She says they’re taking down Hades.

In old Oz, Hades has prepared a wonderful dinner for Zelena. She asks if it’s a farewell dinner, but he says he’s not going back. He says it’s true love between them. He says his heart fluttered for a moment on the bike and he believes his heart will start again and he’ll be free. They almost kiss, but Zelena stops it. She says she almost believed him, but she thinks he just wants to steal the brain for the spell. She says love isn’t enough. Hades says he doesn’t want revenge any more; he wants her and loves her. She says no one can love her and even if so, it would take away her chance for revenge. She tells him to get lost and he says she’ll regret it.

Zelena and Hades meet in the Underworld. He says he was looking for her. She says he was looking for the baby and she was just a happy accident. She says she thought she’d make it easy, but if he touches the baby, he’ll be sorry. He says he’d never hurt her because true love endures. He says he was trying to rescue the baby from the others. He tells her he made the Underworld look like Storybrooke for her, so she could have what her sister did. He says despite his best intentions, things don’t grow there, they decay, but it’s their decay. He says what better revenge is there than having it all? He says now they have to get their baby. Zelena says she wants to trust him, but she can’t. She says she’ll get her daughter back on her own.

Zelena never knew her own birthday and Hades tells her it’s April 15 (tax day — ha-ha!). He tortured it out of the miller’s daughter. He says he knows she doesn’t need anyone, but if she decides she wants him, he’ll be waiting at home as he always has. And he disappears, poof! in a puff of smoke

Next week, Gaston arrives, Hades tries to get Belle’s baby, and Gaston tries to kill Gold.

The Walking Dead

Morgan is tromping through the forest. He sees a sign that says “You Are Alive.” Nearby is a saddled horse. No surprise, there’s someone else in the woods — the guy who picked up Carol’s rosary.

A guy runs through the forest. Someone is chasing him. And whistling.

Rick and company need to find a doctor for Maggie. Carl tells Enid she has to stay behind. He says the Saviors are out there and she knows what they’ve done and tried to do, and it’s not happening to her. Enid says she’s going. Rick doesn’t want to bring Eugene, but Eugene insists. Carl agrees to let Enid come along, but then locks her in a closet. She says what if he doesn’t come back. He says she’ll survive somehow. Eugene, Abe and Sasha get into the RV. Spencer insists on coming too.

The guy in the woods has been caught. Spokesdude says he broke the rules and people had to die. They wanted to fight, so this is the way it has to be. They start beating the crap out of him.

Gabriel goes over the plan for those staying behind. He’s in charge and asks if Rick is comfortable with that. Rick says yes. Some guy asks if the Saviors show up if they should try and make a deal. Rick says wait for him. He has a deal for them. I’ll bet.

Morgan, now riding the horse, sees a bunch of dead guys. Then he sees Carol in a doorway. She says she told him not to come. He checks out her injuries.

Dude in the forest is now getting dragged out of the forest into the middle of the road. Spokesdude says they’re gong to make an example of him.

Maggie isn’t doing too well, but Rick says it will be okay. He says everything they’ve done, they’ve done together and everything has worked out because it’s been all of them. He says as long as it’s all of them, they can do anything.

Morgan dresses Carol’s wounds. He tells her she needs stitches and antibiotics. He says at dawn they’ll head back and get her some help. She says no. Like he’s going to listen.

The RV comes across the group of guys from the woods blocking their way. They get out of the van. Rick tells them they can make a deal. Spokesdude says that’s right, give them all the stuff. They’ll probably have to kill someone, but then they can move forward with business. Rick says that’s not going to work and he was actually going to ask for their stuff, but he doesn’t have to kill any more of them.

Another guy spray paints the almost-dead guy (?) and Spokesdude says he’s not going to negotiate. Rick says they’re leaving then. Rick asks if they want to make today their last day on earth. Spokesdude says no, but what if it’s the last day on earth for Rick or someone he loves? He says you never know. More last day on earth talk and Rick gets back in the RV. Abe backs it up down the road.

They park the RV to regroup. Carl asks Spencer why he didn’t stay at Alexandria. He says he owes her and asks why Carl came. He says he owes them. Eugene and Sasha plot out a new route.

Morgan tells Carol that Rick, Daryl and some of the others were looking for her too. He says they’ll be back by the time they get to Alexiandria. Carol says he can’t just tell her to come back. Morgan says her people care about her. She says she cares about them, that’s why she can’t be there. He says that’s why she has to be there. She says if you care about people, there are people you’ll kill for. If you don’t want to kill or can’t, you have to get away. Morgan says everything in this life is worth a damn and out there on her own, she’ll die. Carol says let her die then and Morgan says he can’t. Carol draws her gun and tells him to go. She lowers it and says please. She says if you care about anyone, you have to pay a price and she can’t anymore.

Abe asks Sasha if they could do it, what Maggie has done. He says he could do it now, just so she knows. Uh-oh, another blockade. Sasha asks if they’re making their stand. Carl says they end it now. Rick says not yet, but they’re playing it the way they want it and tells Abe to go slow.

There are a bunch of vehicles and guys with guns. They shoot into the air.

Morgan goes outside and sees a zombie hanging from some scaffolding, and several more outside the gate. He climbs up the scaffold, stabs the zombie in the head and cuts him down. When he goes back in, Carol is gone. Did he really think she was sticking around after that speech? He gets back on the horse and leaves.

In the RV, they talk about the men blocking them and that this was a different group. Their main concern is getting Maggie to some help. Oh man, what now? A horde of zombies is blocking the road. They’re chained together. Abe says putting together a Red Rover like that takes people, a lot of them. They realize each zombie signifies one of their group. Just as they’re about to dispatch the zombies, gunfire starts.

Miraculously, no one gets shot. They make it back to the RV and take off.

Commercial break. Next week is the season premiere of Fear the Walking Dead. I almost gave up on this one until they pulled out all the stops in the season finale. Looks like the new season is going to be an improvement.

Rick said the Saviors were trying to block the road, but didn’t stop them, so they want them to go in this direction. Maggie is burning up and Rick is getting worried. There it is. Another blockade. This time with a lot more people like a giant cheerleader pyramid. Rick tells Abe to go back.

Morgan continues to look for Carol. He sees someone freshly dead and sees a rosary. It’s not Carol though. Carol is stumbling though a farm. A not too bright zombie is banging around a dumpster and she closes the open ramp on him. Another zombie comes out of nowhere and she kills it. Then the guy who took her rosary comes out next and knocks her down. He draws a gun on her.

He tells her that she’s going to lie there and he’s going to watch her die like his friends did and that he’s going to die too, and let’s see who wins. He shoots her in the arm and says it’s a good start.

Commercial break. New show Outcast looks pretty decent.

Rick tells Maggie they’re getting there. She heard the shots, but Rick tells her it was the Saviors and they’re gone. He says the baby is okay and there will be more. Maggie says she believes in him.

Rosary dude asks Carol what she’s smiling about. She says she’s going to die, so there’s nothing wrong anymore. He shoots her again. He asks if she’s suffered enough and she says probably not. He doesn’t know what the blip to make of this. He starts walking away and she says unless he kills her now, she’s not going to die. She says he needs to decide. He comes back and is going to shoot, when Morgan shows up with a gun and tells him to drop it, please. He doesn’t and Morgan shoots him. Way to go, Morgan. Carol says to let her go, but he says it’s not her time.

Morgan turns around to see two pseudo-knights. He says he found their horse and his friend needs help. One of them says let’s get her some help then.

Rick and company come across yet another blockade, this time a burning one, and are looking around when a guy drops off the bridge behind them, hanging by his neck. They can’t waste a bullet on him though, so zombie he will be. A voice says something about their last day on earth and tells them to get out. They do.

Rick says Maggie needs a doctor now. Sasha says there are two more routes, but Rick says they’re waiting. Eugene says they’re waiting for the RV and it’s going to be dark soon. He and Eugene make a plan. Rick and the others are leaving with Maggie, and Eugene is going to keep driving. Eugene gives him a map to where the bullets are. Rick says they’re lucky to have Eugene and Eugene says he can’t argue with that. Abe tells Eugene he was wrong. Eugene is a survivor and always was, they just didn’t know it. They hug and I have a bad feeling about everything. And rightly so, since this is the season finale. Sad music while Eugene watches them leave.

Commercial break. Fear 462. The conclusion. Obrecht takes off her oxygen mask. Dude from Fear the Walking Dead sees the plane in the sky. We’ll find out what happens with the flight in the premiere.

The crew carries Maggie through the woods on a stretcher. Carl says they can do anything. They have and they will. He says he’s not going to let anyone die like Denise again. They hear whistling and take off running. They come to a clearing and are in a spotlight. There’s a ring of people around the clearing and the RV is there. A lot of whistling that’s more annoying than spooky. Rick looks totally freaked. Eugene is there on his knees.

Spokesdude says you made it to where you’re going, and takes their weapons. Rick suggests they talk, but Spokesdude says they’re done talking, now he’s going to listen. He comes up to Carl and says, “It’s yours, right?” He tells them to get on their knees. This is so not good. They take Maggie off the stretcher.

Dwight takes Michonne, Daryl, Rosita and Glenn out of a nearby truck. It’s time to finally meet Negan.

Negan comes out of a truck carrying a Flintstones style club. He asks who’s the leader and Dwight points out Rick. Negan introduces himself and says he doesn’t appreciate his people being killed. He tells Rick he has no idea how not cool that sh*t is, and he’s going to regret crossing him in a few minutes. He says you don’t cross New World Order. He tells Rick to give him his sh*t or he’ll kill him. He says today was career day and they invested a lot in showing them who he is and what he can do. They work for him now. They’re stuff belongs to him.

Negan says Rick ruled the roost, built something and thought they were safe, but they’re not even close to safe. He says what he wants is half of their stuff and this is their way of life now. The more they fight back, the harder it will be. He asks Rick if he understands, but Rick doesn’t say anything.

Negan says they’re going to be punished. He’s not going to kill Rick because he wants Rick to work for him and he can’t do that if he’s dead. He says Rick’s people killed more of his people than he’s comfortable with, and he can’t let that go, so he’s going to beat the holy hell out of one of them. He introduces his club as Lucille. I name it Wilma.

Negan walks down the line, talking macho bs. When he gets to Maggie, he tells her she looks sh*tty and he should put her out of her misery. Of course this makes Glenn go crazy. Dwight pulls him back. Negan tells them the first one is free, it’s an emotional moment, but don’t anybody do that again.

Next, Negan picks on Carl, knowing that he’s Rick’s son. He says he has to pick somebody. Ugh! He starts whistling and walking down the line again, saying he can’t decide. He does eeny, meeny, minie, moe. How old are we? Five? Everyone is all shaky and crying, which I find difficult to grasp after all they’ve been through. He says if anybody tries anything, he’ll take Carl’s other eye out and feed it to Rick. Alrighty then. He starts beating on someone but we can’t see who it is.

There’s a blank screen rip-off ending, with screams in the background.

Why is there never a season finale with Rick’s crowd ending up on top?

I Am Cait

This is funny. Jenny pronounces Monday “Mundee.” The girls make fun of this, but she’s actually correct. When I was in acting school, I took Standard American Speech and that is the way you’re supposed to pronounce it.

Kourtney calls Cait and Cait tells her that she’s meeting Scott in St. Louis. She wants to make sure it’s cool with Kourtney. Scott has been in rehab, so things are good between them. Cait explains to the girls that Kourtney and Scott had three kids, but never got married. I didn’t know that.

Cait asks Chandi why she thinks that many trans women of color are sex workers. Chandi says they’re more likely to be rejected by their parents, who would rather hear they’re gay. Cait wonders why they it’s difficult for them to get real jobs. Candis says it’s most likely a discrimination issue.

We see the St. Louis Arch. They must all be exhausted.

Apparently not that exhausted. Candis is working out with her personal trainer. They go out for a snack. The trainer, Andrew, asks her about dating and if she’s open with the men she dates. Candis says she has to be, and the reaction depends on the person. He asks what she likes and she says tall, dark and handsome (which he is) and he says he thinks it’s just around the corner.

Cait and Chandi have breakfast. Chandi feels there are some loose ends and wants to tell Cait about her past. She says before she started performing, she ran with the wrong crowd. She did some white collar crime, like writing bad checks, and ended up in prison. Wow. I wouldn’t have guessed that. It was pretty scary and Chandi never realized the repercussions being a felon would have. Chandi says her parents weren’t there for her, but only because she didn’t tell them. Everything was about trying to survive.

Scott comes to visit. Scott asks how it’s going on the bus and Cait says there’s a lot of interesting conversation. She thinks it will be good for Scott to meet the girls and hear about their experiences.

They all go to a bar and meet up with Van, a friend of Zachary’s. They joke about Scott being an honorary trans woman. Cait goes for a motorcycle ride. Candis follows, but takes a spill and goes back to the bar. Zachary talks about the high amount of trans women who are murdered. They’re going to a memorial for them.

Van talks about transitioning twice. She went back to being a male for a while because she couldn’t find a job. Cait identifies, having had hormone therapy in the 80s. Jenny talks to Scott about how to explain Cait’s transition to his children. She says in her experience, it’s a bigger deal to grown-ups than to kids. I’m sure.

The girls take a break from the bus and go on a riverboat cruise. St. Louis is a really beautiful city. And very clean. Chandi talks about the new term “pan sexual,” basically being open to anything and testing the waters. There’s some discussion about surgeries. Scott seems sincere about his interest in getting answers to questions he might be asked.

Chandi’s mom, Tina, meets them back at the hotel. They go out to dinner. I would totally gain weight on this trip. Andrew joins them. Jenny talks to Scott about his split from Kourtney. I have to admit, I’d always thought Scott was a bit of a d-bag, but he seems to be a decent guy.

Scott says that he hasn’t talked to Cait all night and he has to call it a day. He leaves and Candis suggests Cait has been ignoring him. They get back to the hotel, and Candis and Andrew get a drink. They step outside and Andrew gives Candis his jacket. Candis asks what Andrew is thinking. She says he’s cute and she could kiss him, but he says he doesn’t think he could go there just yet. She says on that note, she’s going to bed and she’ll call him. Yeah, that wasn’t the response I expected from him either.

The girls go to the Transgender Day of Remembrance. Andrew comes by Candis’s room. He tells her something came up and he has to fly out. He asks about last night. She says she felt like they had something, and assumed his hesitation is because of the trans thing. He says yes, but there’s no judgement, it’s just him. I would be okay with this, but he sure seemed like he was flirting, so why did he lead her on? Candis is understandably hurt. I feel hurt for her.

Cait has breakfast with Chandi and her mother. Cait asks Tina what her concerns were when Chandi first told her about transitioning. Tina says she questioned herself as a mom. She says she had a hard time at first because she’s religious, but she realized that God accepts us as we are. She says even though Chandi is different than she is, she’s still her child.

Cait goes to Scott’s room. Scott says if Cait is going to be a woman, maybe she should tone down her knock. Ha-ha! Cait says she heard Scott was thinking of leaving, but she thinks he should stay. Scott says that he came there to visit her, but is spending more time with her people. Cait says that he has a lot in common with them. She says that she’d always felt isolated and didn’t fit in and when she surrounded herself with good people, it helped. She says he’s kind of in the same boat. Scott says he thought the drinking made him fun and cool, but no. He says he’s there for Cait and she says ditto. Cait says it’s not so much going through the issues, it’s how you come out. Scott says he feels better now that they talked and not so much like an outsider. They hug and Scott says maybe Cait wants to tone down the hugs too. These two have a cute relationship.

They go to Remembrance Day and names of the murder victims are read. Candis says it could have been any one of them. A memorial garden is dedicated and Kate makes a small speech about them being the first generation to be more open and fight against transphobia.

This season, Kris visits, there’s a ski trip and a golf outing, Christmas trees in LA,  and more politics.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta — Reunion Part Three

Again, I decided to forego the first half to watch I Am Cait in its entirety.

When I come in, they’re talking about the Feds visiting Cynthia’s house regarding Apollo’s stuff. The guys are on stage and Peter said the agent basically said he thought there was stolen stuff there because of the show. Phaedra says she had nothing to do with it and had it been her motive, she would have done it before anything aired. Kandi seems skeptical. Phaedra acts offended, but Kandi says she’s been secretive and done some weird sh*t.

Andy asks Todd if he thinks Phaedra called the Feds and he says yes. Phaedra gets offended again, but Todd says she’s kind of transparent. Phaedra talks about Todd running around with Apollo and Todd brings up how he helped her cut Apollo out of the exercise video deal. Todd says she seems to know what he’s doing all the time, so maybe she should have kept better tabs on Apollo. He suggests she’s not as innocent as she claims about what was going on with Apollo’s schemes.

Phaedra pulls up some emails where Todd asked for an update, meaning when is she going to settle up about the video. Todd whips out a couple of papers. Kandi says Phaedra ties up loose ends at the last minute, just before she knows things will become public. Kandi gets defensive about Todd. Todd says he kept his mouth shot about Phaedra owing the money pretty well, but they’re square now. The husbands exit. After Andy asks Peter how drunk he is.

Andy talks about Porsha going off on an assistant and we see “previously unseen footage,” which really means they saved it for the reunion. OMG. Porsha is in a short, white, furry outfit, running after some poor soul and screaming. Dwight picks up the hat with ears that she lost. Apparently Porsha beat someone down, tearing off her wig and everything. Porsha makes excuses I’m not even going to bother with. We flash back to the person Porsha attacked, who was an assistant. Andy points out that Porsha has been in three altercations since being on the show and asks if that’s her normal way of handling things. Porsha makes noises that she’s the victim. When Kenya tries to say something, Porsha whines. Nene says she managed to make it through the season without giving anyone a beatdown.

Phaedra says Porsha went to anger management and acknowledges that it’s something that needs to be treated. Kenya says some of the cast members have felt uncomfortable around her. Kandi says what’s worse is that it’s happened more than once and that the women are automatically on the defense. Porsha talks about remorse afterward, but the others say that’s not true, that she’s smack talked afterwards. Aww, poor Porsha is upset and says she’ll only answer questions from Andy.

She tries to blame the show, but Andy says the pressure is true for everyone. Kenya says she wants to blame everyone else for her loss of control. Kenya and Porsha get into a mini argument. Sheree says something, but I keep being distracted by her almost black lipstick that looks like something out of The Rocky Horror Show. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but it’s definitely attention grabbing. Nene says Porsha has made some bad choices. She says things like fighting and twerking will mar your brand. Kim think Porsha should be congratulated that she’s going to counseling and is honest about that. Porsha says one of those phrases I hate, “I’m a work in progress.” That always seems like an excuse for being a screw up to me.

Everybody says boring stuff about what the season meant to them and what they learned or whatever. Phaedra uses that work in progress term again. No surprise that she and Porsha used that phrase. They’re the two phoniest cast members who constantly make excuses for their bad behavior, which is always somebody else’s fault.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

I can’t believe it’s the season finale of The Walking Dead and this show is still going on.

It’s the morning after the night before, and Charrisse is just waking up. She says she has no complaints about her 50th birthday party.

Robyn and Gizelle are taking the kids horseback riding. Gizelle says it’s not something she enjoys because of the dirt. Um…it’s not farming. Robyn is concerned that there aren’t more Black families, so her kids can play with kids who look like them. She brings up Katie’s calling them bi-racial. For one, I don’t get why that’s some kind of insult, and for two, I don’t believe they have no white ancestors. No way, no how. Gizelle says she’s having a “come to Jesus” lunch for the ladies because they should have each other’s backs.

Karen is getting Rayven off to college. Karen is distressed that she’s so cool about moving out. I totally understand.

Katie has a farm in Virginia that she bought when she was a model. She and Andrew are going there for a romantic weekend. Katie says she doesn’t understand why a couple of the others can’t relax and have fun, adding that there’s more to life than just gossiping when that’s what she’s doing right now. Gizelle calls Katie about the lunch. Katie does not sound enthusiastic.

Andrew tells Karen he’s going to Scotland and she’s not invited. She says she understands, but she’s bummed. I think the time is running out for him to propose.

Ashley is waiting on the rooftop for Michael, who is bearing sushi. They talk about the restaurant they’re opening. Ashley also wants to get going on having a baby. She’s thinking a month after the opening. He says if they break even. Ashley talks about the upcoming lunch. Ashley hopes she and Karen can work things out, but Gizelle seems to have a problem with the butt-grabbing business. I can’t even believe anyone is still talking about a 3-second event at a party.

Katie’s farm has cows and everything. Katie and Andrew go to a place she calls “the vortex.” There are all kinds of flowers and such and Andrew proposes. Nice, but anticlimactic after all this time. Or what feels like all this time. Beautiful ring, no surprise.

Gizelle and her girls are making dinner. Gizelle’s father, Curtis, is joining them. Curtis was a big part of the early Civil Rights movement. He tells a story about Martin Luther King and how MLK prayed and got a miracle. He seems like a cool guy. What happened to Gizelle? Curtis is also getting some kind of award for his efforts.

The girls are meeting at a restaurant. Gizelle says nobody is getting up until everything is resolved. Hope they have sleeping bags with them. Gizelle says they’re all grown, sophisticated and educated, and should be able to talk things out. I do a spit take. There hasn’t been one cast member who’s demonstrated those qualities.

Everyone is there except Katie, but Robyn doesn’t think she’s coming. Gizelle makes a little speech about how they don’t listen and gives them a sign to hold for when it’s there turn to speak. Karen gets it first and talks about her non-gala and how she doesn’t want Ashley talking about her daughter. She suggests Ashley have her own baby, and rather crudely for one sooo concerned with etiquette all the time. Again I ask, where did they find these women? The other girls look like they might choke.

Ashley says she’s chill, but she says that Karen has made some oddball comments about her and her husband. She also says she acted like Michael wanted to get in her panties at the beach house. Gizelle calls the issue done, but I’ll bet not. Katie arrives.

Katie takes the sign and says she’s engaged. She shows the ring and tells the story. Robyn takes the sign and tells Katie she thinks they need a Black history lesson. Katie brings up Robyn thinking butt-grabbing is a white thing. Oh. Please. Gizelle says she was the first to notice and thought it was disrespectful. Katie asks why bring race into it. Katie says she was trying to show them their hypocrisy in their bringing up race all the time by calling them bi-racial. She wonders why there’s a problem with it anyway. Gizelle says Katie has a problem with being Black and Katie says she’s a stupid woman who says stupid things. Probably the first honest thing that’s been said here.

My TV suddenly decided to go wacky here and pull some poltergeist moves. I did see the end of the show though where everyone gave a one-word toast with things like love, wealth and dynamic. With each woman, they showed what’s happening in their lives.

Absolutely nothing.

Next week, The Reunion. This should be good. Bring earplugs.

April 1, 2016 — GH Twofold & Quotable Couches

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital — Thursday

Emma has come for a visit with Anna and they’re at Kelly’s. Griff comes in and Emma introduces herself, asking if he’s a friend of her grandma’s. He says he’d like to be and that hopefully this will make it easier, and hands Anna a document.

Epiphany tells Finn that the only service animals allowed at the hospital are dogs. Paul comes along and introduces himself to Finn. He says he understands Finn is taking care of Tracy and asks if they can talk. Finn says no.

Julian tells Sonny he knows what he’s doing and to stop.

Morgan says Kiki almost got killed because of him and he’s no good for her. She says that’s insane and maybe he’s where he belongs then.

Ava tells Carly that she’s Avery’s mother and has custody. Carly asks Ava if she doesn’t want Avery to be safe, and Ava says she’s not the monster Carly thinks she is.

Kiki tells Morgan he didn’t shoot her, someone else did. She says she didn’t come all this way to listen to a pity party. She makes him agree that he didn’t pull the trigger and she says she’s going to get pissed if he doesn’t knock it off. She says if they want to blame someone, there’s a whole syndicate they can point fingers at. He asks if they can blame Ava, but Kiki says not this time. She overheard Ava talking and she knows Ava was coerced, but she’s letting her feel guilty anyway.

Ava tells Carly they both love their children, and that overrides everything else. She doesn’t want to get into the whole Avery thing right now.

Julian tells Sonny that he’s taking advantage of the situation Ava is in and manipulating it to keep Avery. Sonny pleads ignorance, but Julian brings up the black rose that was sent to Ava and says he knows it’s Sonny. Sonny says he has more important things to do like look for Carrrlos.

Anna looks at the paper and says she’s glad Griff did this and now they know it’s true. Emma asks what’s true. Anna says he’s not just a friend, but part of the family. Anna says she wants Emma to meet Uncle Duke’s son.

Paul tells Finn he and Tracy share a son. Finn says he’s met him, but he never mentions Paul. Paul asks if he can have an update on Tracy’s condition, and Finn tells him to ask Tracy. Finn leaves and Epiphany tells Paul he’s a great doctor and that’s all he’s getting form her. Paul’s phone rings and he says something about a cancellation and he’s going to Kelly’s.

Sonny tells Julian Carrrlos will be found, and he’s going to flip on Julian about Duke’s death. He says Julian is going to prison for life. Julian says he’s going to ignore Sonny’s accusations and not tell Ava that it was Sonny who sent the rose. He suggests Sonny get out of the business like he did. He leaves and Sonny calls someone to meet him at Kelly’s. He has confirmation that Paul will be there.

Anna explains that she’s not Griff’s mother, but Duke is his father. Emma says her mommy and daddy are doctors too, and suggests they have champagne to celebrate. Anna asks who told her about that. Emma says her grandpa and Anna jokingly says she’s not allowed to have it until she’s 31. Emma suggests hot chocolate instead.

Ava says she’s grateful for what Carly did for Kiki at the pier. Carly says Kiki is special and the family loves her, and so does Morgan. Ava says Kiki needs to focus on her own recovery and she can’t save Morgan, even though they seem to be pressuring her. They agree to hope for the best and find a way to co-exist. Carly says just like Ava and Sonny did with Avery.

Kiki says Morgan is the first man she’s really loved. She says there’s a wonderful person in there. He says the exciting stuff was just the illness. Kiki says it was a distortion, but he’s still the same inside. He talks about the medication and that it’s making him dull. Kiki says the last word anyone would call Sonny is dull and Morgan needs to face the fact that she needs him in her life. Morgan says Carly visited with the girls and he felt nothing, and until she came there, everything was pointless. Kiki asks if that’s how he felt on the roof and was he really going to jump. He says yes, and she tells him she never wants him to feel that way again.

Sonny meets a guy named Brick outside Kelly’s. He tells Brick that Paul is on his way. Brick tells Sonny he’ll go in first and they’ll pretend not to know each other. He tells Sonny to try and separate Paul from his phone.

Emma and Griff talk. He says he never knew his father. Emma asks why she never met him, and Griff says Duke didn’t know about him. She asks why his mom didn’t tell Duke and he says she had her reasons, but he knows they would have been good friends. He asks her to tell him about Duke.

Sonny comes into Kelly’s and tells Anna what’s going on. Paul comes in next. Sonny goes over to talk to Emma. Paul gives a sidelong glance to Anna.

Finn goes back to his room and tells Roxie she’ll have some nice juicy crickets soon. But first he has to give himself a shot. Carly has fresh towels and starts to let herself into his room. Wow. She doesn’t even knock first.

An orderly drops something and makes a loud noise. Kiki freaks out.

Carly goes into Finn’s room and is startled that he’s there. She apologizes and says she was told he wasn’t in. Seriously, should’t she have knocked anyway? He asks if it’s the usual practice for the owner to deliver the towels. She says no, but housekeeping is having a problem with Roxie. He says they do know just because she’s a bearded dragon that she doesn’t really breathe fire. She says some of them.

Ava comes back for Kiki, who is hyperventilating. Morgan gets her to calm down. Morgan tells her not to worry that sometimes he hears the gunshot without any sound. He says as terrible as it was, it’s over with, and to put it behind her. He says if she was going to freak out anywhere, this was probably the place to do it. Ava takes Kiki back to the hospital.

Anna tells Sonny about the DNA results. Emma calls to Griff. Anna tells Sonny she can get Paul to leave his phone on his table and how fast can his guy work. Sonny says pretty fast. Anna goes over to Paul’s table. She tells him she wants him to meet someone. She says she’s in a good mood today and to put his phone down and come with her. She introduces him to Griff. Brick messes with Paul’s phone behind them. Anna tells Paul that Griff is Duke’s son.

Carly says she knows she’s not supposed to ask what the lizard is for, but why a lizard as a service animal? He says sometimes things pick you. He was camping and found her. She was hurt and he fixed her up and released her, but when he came back to the camp, she was in his bag. Carly says it’s sweet — and illegal. Finn says he has no idea what she’s talking about. Carly also brought Roxie a present. She looked up what a bearded dragon likes to eat and she has all kinds of greens for her.

Epiphany is miffed when she sees Ava coming back with Kiki. Kiki tells her not to blame Ava. Epiphany says Kiki is going back to her room, and the doctor is checking her to make sure they haven’t undone any progress.

Julian sees Ava. She asks how the meeting with Hammer went and Julian says the organization isn’t going to bother her. He says Hammer claims they didn’t send her the rose. She wonders who did, but he says it doesn’t matter since it appears she’s safe now. Ava says she wants out of the business and Julian says just steer clear of it like him. Ava doesn’t believe he’s out of it and want s to know what he did to keep her safe.

Paul and the others chitchat. Griff’s phone rings and Paul goes back to his table. He says it’s good to see Ann excited about something. Paul gets a call and says he’ll see Anna back at the office. Griff says he’s being summoned by Epiphany and has to go. Emma asks if he tangos and if he doesn’t know how, she can teach him.

Sonny gets a call. He says mission accomplished and he’ll let Anna know if it worked. He meets Brick outside and says what’s next? Brick says when the DA gets a call from Carrrlos, Sonny will be the first to know.

Paul tells Carrrlos to calm down, and it wasn’t him who told the press. He says Carrrlos needs to stay away from Port Charles now. Sonny is listening in on the call and tells Brick great job.

Emma asks Anna if Griff makes her miss Duke less. Anna says she’ll always miss him, but having Griff there makes it seem like he’s close by.

Julian tells Ava to stop asking questions. She asks if he’s not taking over for her, who is? Julian says it doesn’t matter, she and her children are safe, and to just go live her life.

The orderly apologizes to Morgan for scaring Kiki. Morgan gets his medication. He says he has to get better for her.

Carly promises she’ll find someone to clean his room who isn’t afraid of Roxie. She says she’s heard that it’s the rescuer who often feels rescued. She promises to knock next time. After she’s gone, Finn tells Roxie that was a close one and gives himself his shot.

Tomorrow, Sam asks Jason what if Hayden was the target all along, Kristina talks to Lucas about being attracted to women, and Nicholas screams at Hayden about lying to him all along.

General Hospital — Friday

Dante tells Nathan that he and Lulu are connecting again.

Nina calls Curtis. She asks if he’s found out who’s sabotaging the magazine yet. He says he’s been working on it, and she asks him to come to the office.

Julian is walking outside, talking on the phone about getting his hands dirty, when Alexis comes up behind him. She says she’s been stalking him.

Lucas comes over to Alexis’s house and Kristina says he’s a life saver. He’s looking for Julian, but Kristina wants to talk to him.

Jason is putting together a piece of furniture for Danny’s room, and luckily Sam drops by to help. Apparently, he’s assembly challenged.

Hayden shows up at Nicholas’s hotel room. Or wherever the blip he’s staying.

Maxie wants to brainstorm with Nina. Joe Zee is doing a guest spread in the magazine. She says it’s huge coup for them.

Dante sees Curtis as he’s leaving the gym. He mentions Curtis seeing Valerie. Dante says what a great person she is and Curtis basically tells him to mind his own business. For real.

Sam gets the piece of furniture together in 10 seconds and asks how Jason likes his new place. He talks about someone decorating it for him, except for the pictures.

Kristina tells Nathan that the person she’d been talking about who’s sexually confused is her. She tells him about being attracted to Parker. He asks how she feels about saying it, and Kristina says scared, but relieved. She tells him about talking to Alexis and she doesn’t think Alexis is really okay with it, despite her acting all PC. (That would be politically correct, not Port Charles.)

Alexis tells Julian about Kristina coming out to her.

Nicholas asks why Hayden is there and she says she misses him. He tells her to get out and she says that’s his pride talking. She says she knows he feels betrayed, but she was betrayed by her father. She says the love they felt for each other is real and tells him not to throw it away.

Nathan and Dante spar at the gym. Dante says he’s annoyed that Curtis had a point about him not getting involved in Valerie’s personal life. He says he doesn’t want to see her get hurt, but Nathan says that’s not his call. Dante asks about Claudette.

Nina says she’s beyond honored that Joe is writing a piece for Crimson. Maxie tells him about how Nina turned the green issue around. Nina adds how she turned around the last issue as well. He says they have a creative enemy and wonders what will happen with his issue. Um…have they thought of bringing it to a different printer?

Alexis tells Julian that by the end of the conversation, Kristina practically called her a homophobe.

Kristina tells Lucas about Alexis’s reaction and how she thinks Kristina is just avoiding getting hurt by men. Lucas says she didn’t turn her back on Kristina and a lot of parents react that way at first. Kristina asks why Alexis can’t practice what she preaches and Lucas says she’ll come around in time.

Sam tells Jason about Hayden really being Rachel. Jason wonders why she would have thrown in with Ric if she has money. Sam says she’s the best lead they have for the ELQ case.

Hayden tells Nicholas she wasn’t conning him. Nicholas asks what her agenda was. She says she lost everything when her father went to prison, she ended up in Port Charles by accident, found out about his knowledge of Jason’s identity and tried to blackmail him. Then she got shot in the head for her trouble. She asks if he really thinks she planned all that.

Sam wonders how Hayden and Nicholas got involved. Jason says she knew his secret and came to the garage that day to tell him when she got shot. Sam says what if she was the target all along.

Nicholas says the shooting was an unfortunate accident and Hayden says especially for her. He says someone was trying to kill Jason and he’s sorry she got shot in the crossfire. She says sorry enough to pay her bills and bring her to his home. She says when he was hurt, she was devastated. He says but she was lying to him the whole time.

Alexis tells Julian that the woman Kristina has feelings for is her professor, and she suggested she might be confused. Alexis says Kristina has had some difficult experiences with men. Julian asks if she suggested that’s why Kristina is attracted to women. Alexis says it didn’t come out the way she wanted it to. She says if the professor is harassing Kristina, she has to do something about it.

Nathan tells Dante the situation with Claudette isn’t the same. He thinks Maxie is bothered by it though, no matter what she’s telling him.

Nina says nothing will happen with Joe’s issue. She says they’re going to hunt the saboteur down and kick their ass. Curtis comes in and Nina introduces him as their private investigator. She tells him Mr. Zee is writing something for Crimson, so that have to get a move on. She tells Maxie to take Mr. Zee to discuss concepts.

Maxie tells Joe she didn’t want to discourage him, but he says he likes a challenge. She says she wants to learn from him

Curtis says it’s not a competitor who’s sabotaging them. He says that the other magazine editors seem to think, despite the recent success, that the magazine is going to fold. Nina tells him about how Julian hired her and why it might benefit him if the magazine goes out of business.

Nathan says Maxie claims not to be bothered by his past, but he thinks she is. Dante says if he could go back, he would have told Lulu everything in the beginning.

Sam says they made an assumption when Hayden was shot. Jason says Shawn confessed. Sam suggests there might have been another shooter.

Hayden says Rachel doesn’t exist anymore. She says she’s lied and manipulated, but so has Nicholas. She says he’d been less than truthful, but she was willing to look past that and forgive him, and why can’t he do the same? He brings up the ELQ papers and she says her intention was to help him. Nicholas says even if everything was real, he would be second-guessing everything. He says all the trust they’ve built was destroyed and the marriage is over. I gotta say, he has some nerve after having her shot.

Kristina tells Lucas about getting kicked out of school and telling her parents. She says they were understanding, but if she tells them right now that she’s gay, Sonny’s head is going to explode. Kristina says she’s confused about everything, except her attraction to Parker. Lucas says it might be a one-time crush or something permanent. He tells her to just trust her instincts. She wonders how her parents are going to feel. Julian and Alexis walk in.

While discussing her shoes, Maxie ends up telling Joe about Claudette and how Nathan lied at first, but when he wanted to tell the truth, she told him she didn’t care. Now it’s all she can think about. Joe tells her not to borrow trouble. Claudette is in Nathan’s past, so leave her there. Maxie says if Joe ever gets tired of fashion, he could be a relationship counselor. Nathan comes in. I guess he’s allowed to just walk into a private business meeting.

Jason asks if the second target was Hayden or Rachel. Sam thinks Rachel, but Jason thinks it could be otherwise.

Hayden says a few days ago, they loved each other and now Nicholas wants to pretend it never happened. He thinks they should both cut their losses. She says he just wants to pay her off and have her leave. Nicholas says the prenup is invalid because she didn’t use her real name when they got married. She’s like, nice, he’s going to leave her penniless too. He says she can keep the stuff he bought her (gee, thanks), but she’s not getting a penny more. She says she doesn’t think so.

Maxie introduces Joe who needs to take a call. Nathan asks if Maxie can go for a walk. Joe comes back, saying there’s been a red carpet disaster and one of his clients needs counsel. He says no worries, he’s still doing the spread, and he’s thinking footwear, which excites Maxie. Nina comes in, and Maxie relays what Joe told her. Nathan asks if he can steal Maxie for a walk and Nina says to go and make the world a more romantic place.

Curtis pretends to be a representative for Crimson and calls the printer. He says since the magazine came to them unbound, they shouldn’t have to pay for a printer error. The printer says it wasn’t an error and Curtis asks who gave them instructions for that.

Lucas tells Julian that he and Brad have set a date and they’re getting married in May. Alexis and Julian congratulate him. Lucas has to go back to the hospital and Julian has to get back to the office. Alexis tells Kristina she’s happy for them. Kristina says Alexis doesn’t have a problem with people being gay unless it’s her.

Maxie and Nathan sit in the park, so GH can use the same set that they did with Julian earlier. Nathan says he wants to talk to her about the truth, but Maxie says Claudette is in the past, so they should leave her there. Nathan says he has to tell her because Claudette wasn’t his girlfriend. She was his wife.

Maxie says Nathan never told her he’d been married. He says he knows a lie of omission is still a lie. She says he knows everything about her, including the bad stuff, so why didn’t he tell her. He says it didn’t end well.

Alexis says maybe Brad and Lucas are adults. Kristina gets sarcastic about Alexis looking at her like a child. She says Sonny makes mistakes, but at least he admits it and apologizes, which Alexis never will. Kristina says she gets it. Alexis is right, she’s wrong, message received. She leaves and Alexis calls Parker.

Curtis tells Nina he’s found out who’s behind the sabotage. Nina asks who it is and Julian comes walking out of the elevator.

Jason says Hayden was about to tell him who he was, and Nicholas wouldn’t have wanted that. Sam says yeah, if she was double-crossing him she would have kept his secret. Wow, these two are slow.

Hayden tells Nicholas the prenup doesn’t matter because they’re not getting a divorce. Not with what she knows.

On Monday, Curtis tells Nina who’s undermining Crimson, Franco thinks Kiki should move in with Jason (huh?) and Nathan tells Maxie the truth about his marriage.

The People’s Couch — Quotes of the Week

I like their new ad tagline — Mockery loves company.

Don’t wear your Louis Vuitton’s to shove someone down the stairs. Wear Crocs. — Scott, referring to Empire.

It’s a Vanderpumpvention. Emerson, referring to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

He can’t even walk right.
It’s like dancing with a cardboard cutout of Geraldo Rivera. — Princella and and Scott, respectively, referring to Geraldo Rivera on Dancing with the Stars.

March 30, 2016 — GH, Little Women & Little Penny

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

I had lunch with a friend today and missed General Hospital, so I was pleased to see they have it On Demand the same day now. While you can scare it up online pretty quickly, the videos aren’t always the best and the commercials are plentiful and inserted at weird times. This is good news indeed. It won’t forward through commercials, but it’s a small price to pay.

General Hospital

Scotty is snoring away on the couch. Ava wakes him by dumping water on him. She says she’s been trying to wake him for 10 minutes and that she doesn’t think their arrangement is going to work.

Franco brings Kiki athletic shoes and says since she’s up and around, she can go jogging; he’ll be a spectator. Kiki asks if Morgan has been there. She hasn’t heard from him. Franco says you can’t just make calls form the institution.

Michael tells Morgan that Carly is coming to visit with Josslyn and Avery. Morgan says he knows he should be happy, but wonders if he’ll ever feel anything again.

Julian shows Alexis the tabloid headline about Carrrlos.

Carly shows Sonny the same thing and asks if that’s why Anna came by. She asks how long he’s known and what he’s going to do about it.

Ava tells Scotty it was like a sawmill all night and that he would have slept through a visit from a SWAT team. He says he took a sleeping pill and Ava says he’s supposed to be guarding her. He says maybe he’d sleep better in a bed.

Franco tells Kiki that Morgan has been admitted to the Freeman Clinic — indefinitely. She wants to call him, but Franco says it would be a bad idea. Kiki says it’s his voice that woke her up and she wants to help. Franco says she can’t and that Morgan was admitted because he tried to kill himself.

Michael tells Morgan things will get better. Morgan says he wishes he could believe that.

Alexis freaks. Julian says it would be stupid for Carrrlos to come back to Port Charles. Alexis says if Carrrlos talks to Sonny, Julian is dead. Julian says he’ll look into it. They embrace. Kristina comes downstairs and tells them to get a room. Julian gets a call and has to leave. Kristina asks Alexis what’s up.

Sonny tells Carly he’s working with Anna and plans on bringing Carrrlos in alive. Carly asks what he’s going to do after he brings Carrrlos back.

Kristina asks if Julian is okay and Alexis says he’s fine. She has something to discuss with Kristina though. Her diary.

Franco tells Kiki that her getting shot isn’t exactly her first time at the rodeo with Morgan, and he has a list of infidelities as well. He says Kiki matters to him and Morgan isn’t worth the risk.

Morgan want to talk about Sonny’s business, but Michael nixes it. He asks Morgan why he thinks he’s there and Morgan says he’s broken and can’t be fixed.

Julian goes to Ava’s place. She asks Scotty to leave. She tells Julian it’s not what it looks like and explains about the threat she got, saying she wanted some protection. She asks if he came up with a solution to her problem. Julian says he has a meeting with Hammer and the meeting is going to be at Ava’s. Ava is like, thanks a lot, but Julian says by the end of the day everything will be fine. She says she’s getting out of there then. She notices something seems wrong and Julian says it’s nothing and he’ll talk to her later.

Sonny says Carrrlos isn’t the target, Julian is the one who had Duke killed. He tells Carly not to tell Morgan. Michael is worried about Sabrrrina and the baby, and they’re taking every precaution to make sure they’re safe. Carly asks what’s going to happen with Carrrlos once he testifies? Sonny says they should get going because of visiting hours. Josslyn asks what it’s like there and Sonny says quiet. She asks what she can to do help Morgan, and Sonny says love him.

Kristina goes ballistic about her journal, saying Alexis has no right to read it. Alexis says she didn’t; she found it on the living room floor. She says whenever clients leave evidence behind, they usually want to get caught. She asks is there’s something Kristina wants her to know. Kristina says she doesn’t want her to know, but it’s time she did. Alexis says fire away. Kristina tells her the professor she tried to seduce was a woman.

Hammer tells Julian that Ava was working undercover. Julian says Ava didn’t give anyone any information. Hammer says the organization still doesn’t like it, but Julian says they have his word she had nothing to do with the bust. Hammer says that’s good enough for the organization, but they want Julian to come back and head things up. This guy sounds like a character straight out of The Godfather.

Kiki calls the Freeman Clinic. She tells them she’s Morgan’s wife, but still doesn’t get anywhere. She starts getting out of bed and Ava walks in. Kiki says they need to have a serious talk and Ava says okay. Kiki asks where Morgan was calling from. Ava says she knows the answer. Kiki says she’s lifting the ban on talking about Morgan and wants to know everything.

Michael tells Morgan not to worry. Morgan says that’s the upside, all emotions are at a standstill. Carly comes in and Josslyn engages Morgan in a conversation about films and says she has a list of movies she wants to see with him. Michael tells Carly this might not be a good idea, but she thinks Morgan might want to see Avery. Michael says Carly seems upset, so what’s up. I have to interject that for a character who hasn’t been on this show pretty much since she was born, they sure are shoving Josslyn at us.

Sonny is on the phone with someone, saying he’s got a phone tap in place, and when whoever is ready, to call him.

Kristina says Alexis already knows the rest, the only difference is that Parker is a woman, not a man. Alexis asks if it went anywhere. Kristina says no, but Parker did stop by yesterday. Kristina says she made a pass at her, but Parker stopped it. Alexis asks if Parker is the only woman she’s gotten physical with. Kristina says at first she thought maybe it was just Parker specifically, but Parker thinks she should explore the possibility that she likes women. Alexis says it’s inappropriate for Parker to be advising her, and she’s had abusive men in her past. Kristina says would it be that bad if she was gay?

Franco asks if Scotty is moving into Ava’s building and then asks if he’s living with Ava. Scotty says you caught me and Franco says please don’t tell me you’re sleeping with her. Scotty says no way.

Ava says she thinks Morgan might be bad for Kiki and he needs more help than Kiki can give him. She’s concerned about Kiki’s progress being impeded. Kiki says since Ava loves her, she knows she’ll help her do something she can’t do on her own.

Morgan asks Carly how Kiki is and she passes Avery to him. He talks to Avery and asks Michael to take them home. He says he doesn’t want them in this place. Carly gives Michael her keys, saying take her car because she’s saying. She’s wearing an awesome blue ombre sweater jacket and I wonder where she bought it. Morgan says she doesn’t need to be there and what if he doesn’t get better. She says he has to give it time. He says he’s become okay with not getting the better parts of his life back and Carly should be too.

Kristina says she thought Alexis would be the easy parent to talk to. Alexis says give her a minute and she’s fine with it if Kristina’s gay. She says college is a confusing time for students though, and Kristina says let’s drop it and don’t tell dad. Alexis says she won’t. Kristina says it’s sad that Alexis is disappointed about who she is instead of what she’s done.

Julian tells Hammer to keep their decision under wraps. He says to tell the organization that he didn’t appreciate the black rose they sent to Ava. Hammer says they never sent anything like that.

Sonny is on the phone again when Michael brings Josslyn and Avery back. Josslyn explains Morgan didn’t want them there and asks when he’s coming home. Sonny says they don’t know yet and she goes upstairs. Sonny asks Michael what’s up and Michael says it’s the meds and Morgan feels a disconnect. He asks what’s happening with Carrrlos. Sonny says he has a meeting to go to and to do for Carly what he can’t, to be there for her.

Carly tells Morgan things will change. She went through it with Sonny and she promises he’ll feel things again. Morgan says he wants to be happy when he sees them or even be pissed off at something, but he feels empty. Carly says he’s not empty and she promises things will change. She says look who’s here. He says tell them go away and Carly says he’ll have to do that himself.

It’s Ava and Kiki with a walker. Kiki says Ava snuck her out of the hospital and she told the desk she was his half-sister’s half sister. He asks for time with Kiki alone and the others leave.

Morgan asks how she is. Kiki says glad she knows where he is because no one would tell her. She asks how Morgan is. He says he needs for her to hear him before she says anything else.

Alexis says apparently she’s saying all the wrong things. Kristina says it took a lot to tell her what she did and she’s not the only one who’s disappointed.

Scotty asks Franco how it’s going with Nina. Franco says happy and good and they both love their jobs. Scotty asks what’s really going on and Franco says Nina wants a kid and he doesn’t Scotty says they’re a lot of trouble. Franco asks if it’s a deal breaker and Scotty says yes.

Morgan says he wants KIKI to go and never come back.

Ava tells Carly she expects Kiki home soon. Carly says Ava is probably going to want Avery back.

Sonny says his business and family are starting to blur. Michael says Carly doesn’t blame him. Sonny says she’s trying not to and he needs Michael to hold things together. He says if Carly asks, tell her he had to go on something business related. He opens the door and there’s Julian.

Tomorrow, Emma asks Griff if he’s a friend of her grandmother’s , Kiki tells Morgan she needs him, Ava tells Carly she’s not a monster and Julian tells Sonny to knock it off.

Little Women: LA

Briana and Matt go out to lunch and Briana tells him about the Mexico trip. She says it was supposed to be her time to fix issues with everyone, but it just made things worse. She only wants to invite Jasmine and Elena to the wedding. Terra and Tonya are out, and Christy is in guest list limbo. Matt suggests she invites her parents because he doesn’t want her to look back and wish she had. Briana isn’t sure how she feels about that.

Tonya and Terra look at photos from the trip. Tonya says the pictures make it look like they had a good time. Terra feels badly about how it ended and wants to put the pictures together as a peace offering to Briana. Terra says that Christy is playing both sides and wonders how Briana can be friends with her, although that’s not exactly the case. Terra says she almost became friends with Christy again until Ali put in her two cents.

Briana brings Jasmine some flowers. Jasmine says the bachelorette party was a disaster and feels badly about it. She asks if Terra has reached out to Briana. Briana says she got a text asking for them to get together, but she hasn’t responded. She asks Jasmine to go with her to the dress designer and asks her to be the matron of honor. Why does Jasmine have a kiddie pool in her living room?

Christy is making dinner. Todd comes into the kitchen. He’s shaved his beard and left his mustache. Christy tells him he looks like an Italian porn star. She tells Todd about Elena being pregnant with twins. She says she’s happy for Elena, but I think she’s also sad for herself. She says everyone is getting pregnant except her. Well, that’s not exactly true. She says Todd must be upset too, deep down, but he says he’s not. Christy gets annoyed because she thinks Todd is holding back. Obviously, she knows him better than I do, but I’m not getting that feeling.

Elena takes Terra to check out her new makeup line. They look at the designs for the packaging. Elena is concerned about being ginormous if they need her for an event. Terra invites her to line dancing. She says she invited Briana, but hasn’t heard back and thinks Briana is blowing her off. She wants to get together with her before they get together as a group, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.

Matt and Briana do some pottery painting. Briana is doing a frame and tells Matt she has the picture she wants to put in it. It’s a photo of her positive pregnancy test. Hmm…maybe everyone is getting pregnant except for Christy.

Jasmine and Terra go Western hat shopping. Jasmine appreciates Terra’s effort to get everyone together. Terra tells her about reaching out to Briana and just getting crickets in response. She says she’s starting to feel like a stalker. Terra says Christy feels like she does about Matt, and doesn’t understand why Briana is okay with Christy. She asks Jasmine if Christy has been talking smack about her. Jasmine says Christy claimed she practically had to force Terra to come to Mexico. Jasmine says she’s getting conflicting information with what Christy is telling her and what she’s telling the rest of the girls.

Commercial break. What has happened to Vivica A. Fox that she keeps hosting these second-rate reunion shows, like Bring It! and Mob Wives (sorry, Big Ang)? She was in Kill Bill for God’s sake!

Briana and Matt take their kids to miniature golf, no pun intended. Briana is feeling nauseous, but she says they don’t get many family days, so she’s ignoring it. She says Terra keeps texting her and she keeps not texting back. Briana says one of her sisters has been badgering her about the pending baby and she’s concerned that someone will tell her daughter before she does, so she and Matt tell the kids.

Jasmine gets to the formal showroom before Briana, but she’s over an hour late which is unusual for her. She calls Briana and it turns out she’s in the ER. She’s hyperventilating and she doesn’t know what’s going on. Jasmine says don’t worry and she’ll talk to her later.

Christy and Todd, who has shaved his porn stache, go to couples counseling. Christy talks about Elena having twins. She says she’s happy and sad at the same time. Wait until she hears about Briana. Christy feels like Todd brushed her off. The counselor says they don’t have to feel the same way about things, but be present for each other.

Todd talks about the CPR class and how Christy went off on him about his weight. Christy says he’s killing himself with food the way she once did with alcohol. The counselor says sometimes when you don’t want to deal with an uncomfortable feeling it turns to anger, but she can see how much they love each other.

It’s line dancing time! Terra and Tonya get to the bar first. Tonya hopes the dancing is easier than getting up on the stools. I identify, being a shortie. Tonya asks if Terra has heard from Briana, but she hasn’t. Terra tells Tonya about her conversation with Jasmine and they discuss Christy being two-faced about Matt.

Jasmine and Elena arrive next. Elena is like, we don’t line dance in Russia, I have two left feet and neither one of them dance. Jasmine tells the girls about Briana being in the hospital. For whatever reason, Tonya thinks Briana is lying. She seems to think if it was the truth, Briana would have texted her friends, but she isn’t feeling friendly toward her or Terra, so… Oddly enough, Briana and Christy walk in at that moment.

Terra says Briana looks fine and of course thinks she must have lied about the hospital. Briana says she was driving and all of a sudden couldn’t breathe, but the hospital couldn’t find anything wrong. It’s probably stress. She decides to keep the pregnancy to herself for now. The dancing commences.

Christy says she loves line dancing, but this is like line dancing on crack. Terra asks Briana why she’s been ignoring her texts. She wonders why there was no response to her reaching out. Briana says she was keeping to herself for a while, and Tonya criticizes her for not saying anything. Terra says she feels like Briana isn’t even trying. Elena says Briana is having a wedding soon and she heard Briana isn’t inviting everyone. Briana says she’s not sure if there’s enough time to mend the friendships. In her individual interview, Terra says she doesn’t think Briana understands that she can support her, but not Matt. Christy says she’s not going to beg about going to the wedding. Briana says if they want to be her friend, just be her friend. She says she’s not going to argue any more because she found out she’s pregnant. Well she didn’t keep it to herself for long.

In her individual interview, Tonya says she thought Briana would get a divorce before she got pregnant. Everyone congratulates her. Terra asks if she’ll be allowed to see the baby since Matt controls Briana’s life. Briana asks if she just wants to fight with her and the texts are brought up again. WTF? Isn’t Briana allowed to talk to who she wants? It seems like Terra is trying to control her more than Matt is. Terra says she’s making an excuse for everything. Briana says if she can’t be happy for her, she doesn’t need her as a friend.

Terra tells Christy she doesn’t appreciate her lying about Terra and Tonya being forced to go to Mexico. She says she had to convince them, but she never said she forced anything. Jasmine says Christy seemed like she didn’t want to go, even though she’s not crazy about Matt. Terra calls Christy on throwing them under the bus.

Christy says she never said anything about forcing them, just convincing them. Terra says she doesn’t let anyone tell her what to do. Christy says it’s not the same thing. Terra says once a liar always a liar and Christy is a liar. Christy says Terra lied about Christy’s drinking and the next thing I know, Terra throws a drink in Christy’s face. It immediately escalates and all kinds of drinks are being thrown back and forth. I’m not so sure this scene isn’t contrived.

Next week, Christy gets hurt in the fray, the tabloids pick up on the story, and Joe tells Terra to keep her distance from the trash. Ooh, snap!

Little Women: Terra’s Little Family

Joe and Terra wait for Penny to get out of surgery. Finally, the doctor comes in and says everything went well. He says Penny is going to intensive care and they’ll be able to see her there.

Penny looks peaceful, sleeping and sucking on her binkie. She has to stay for a while, so she can be monitored. Terra is going to stay overnight. They count their blessings.

Joe goes back to the house to get some things for Penny. He tells Terra’s brother. Erik, these are the hardest days of his life. He remembers his own surgeries and hates that Penny has to go through this. He’s also worried about Terra being exhausted. Erik suggests a spa day. They go through some other things that he might do. Stripper maids gets a veto. They decide to clean the house.

Terra video chats with Joe. Penny is awake and she says Penny is recovering very well. She says there’s a good chance Penny can come home tomorrow. If she has a poop. Yep. Hospital rule. They never let you go without one.

Terra calls her mom to tell her that Penny is being released and doing better than expected. Terra says she’s on Tylenol around the clock, either in her milk or in a suppository. She claims Penny’s eyes got big when she said that.

Erik and Joe get the house ready for Terra. Joe says they have about 15 minutes to get it done. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. They also make an attempt at some festive decorating. Joe got Penny and Terra some presents as well.

Terra asks what took Joe so long to pick her up. He says he was cleaning and Erik stopped by. She’s like ah-ha! you were goofing around. Terra says they have to be on top of giving Penny her pain meds and changing her bandage. Joe calls bandage, but Terra puts the kibosh on that because of her long nails. She complains about how long he took to pick them up again.

She’s pretty surprised to walk in to a clean, decorated place, and feels badly about her complaints. He says he’s glad she likes it and glad she feels bad, but adds she’s an awesome supermom.

It’s time for the first suppository and Joe suggests they call someone more qualified.

Success! Terra congratulates Joe. Terra opens the first gift and it’s a high chair with a swing. Joe also got Penny a dollhouse that’s taller than he is. Terra is impressed and Joe asks if he can get some sex. He says he feels happy, lucky and in love with his daughter. Aww!

In the back of Terra’s mind, she’s wondering if Penny is going to be all right. She talks about another potential surgery for a build up of water on the brain. In a few months she’ll need another MRI. Terra says she doesn’t want to feel like it’s their fault, since they knew prior to having Penny what the complications might be. She wants to have another baby, but wonders if that’s the right decision. Joe says Penny is having all this done as a baby so she can live a normal life. He says she’s an amazing kid and Terra is an amazing mom. He suggests they be happy for five minutes and take everything else as it comes.

Terra says all they can do is be hopeful that Penny won’t need another surgery. “Grandma” Olivia is coming, but Terra says she’s a little animated to be around a baby who just had surgery. Terra says she’s nervous about anyone handling Penny right now. Olivia wants to talk about baby number two, which she’s encouraging.

Tonya comes over. She had the same surgery as Penny did and Terra feels like she’s trying to downplay the surgery to assuage her guilt. Terra tells her it hurt her feelings that Tonya never came to the hospital. Tonya says she feels badly and doesn’t have a good excuse, but says it won’t happen again and apologizes. Terra says she’ll get over it, but Tonya better make it up to Penny in the future.

Terra talks about having baby number two. Tonya thinks it might be difficult right now while they’re dealing with Penny and suggests she wait until Penny has gotten past some milestones first. She asks how Terra is going to get Joe to agree and Terra says there are ways.

Penny needs her bandage changed for the first time. Joe says the surgery was heartbreaking, but it’s great to see Penny acting so normal already. Penny starts to cry when the bandage is being changed, and Terra takes over. Afterwards, Terra gives Penny a bottle and she calms down pretty quickly.

Terra asks Joe about his take on baby number two. He thinks they should wait until Penny is a toddler. Terra says she wants a big family and Joe says they have four dogs. Terra says the older she gets, the harder it is on her body. Joe says him too, as he has spinal issues and might need another surgery himself. Terra suggests they get physicals and get in good condition first.

Terra and Joe go to see Terra’s OB/GYN about having another baby. Terra asks the doctor if he thinks it’s a good idea. He asks if she’s having her period again and if she’s regular. She says she only menstruates every other month, so the doctor says that means she ovulates fewer times a year, so they should start soon. They talk about the possibility of having another baby with health issues. The doctor says another option is doing it in vitro, where the embryos can be individually tested, but Terra feels a little weird about that.

Terra and Joe have a snack and discuss the consultation. Terra doesn’t really want to go the IVF route. Joe says it’s a way of preventing their child from going through long, painful surgeries. He says he had to go through that. Terra says if they’d done in vitro the first time, they wouldn’t have Penny. Joe says the thing that he loves about her and that also scares him is that Terra goes after what she wants, oblivious of every obstacle. Joe wants to have his back checked out before they move ahead.

Tracy is having and ultrasound and Terra comes along. It’s a boy and Tracy is huge. Terra says Tracy and her husband considered IVF, but decided against it and are having an average sized child.

The doctor comes in and says it’s possible Tracy will be scheduled for delivery today. Both Terra and Tracy are like, what?

No preview for this show.

March 29, 2016 — GH, Loving Wrong & More Dubai

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Tracy still talks to Jason like he’s her father. Dillon tells her she’s supposed to rest. Sam and Jason leave. Jason tells Sam that Tracy thinks he’s Edward. Sam explains that Rachel is really Hayden.

Elizabeth tells Hayden to go ahead and stay, humiliate herself even more. She says she can’t wait for Nicholas to throw her lying ass out.

Valerie tells Curtis she crawled through dirt and broke her favorite heels to help him put the Crimson issue together, and she wants her cut. He says not until she agrees to another date.

Jordan tells Andre that reports of Carrrlos being alive just surfaced on the Internet. Andre wonders how Anna feels about that.

Anna accuses Sonny of being the one to leak the story that Carrrlos is still alive. This makes no sense to me, since it wouldn’t benefit him in any way

Dillon comes out and asks Jason what Tracy was talking about. He also asks about Rachel Berlin. Sam tells him that she’s Richard Berlin’s daughter, may or may not have been involved in the greatest ponzi scheme of all time, and that’s who Hayden really is.

Hayden says something to Elizabeth about Lucky and Elizabeth tries to smack her again. Hayden says she’s calling the police and having Elizabeth arrested for assault. I tell her I’ll be a witness.

Andre says he has a group session soon and asks Jordan if she wants to grab a bite to eat. He sees Valerie and Curtis, and says maybe he should have a group session right there.

Sonny says it’s a lot easier to find Carrrlos if he thinks he’s in the clear. Anna says if Sonny didn’t do it, who did?

Ava tells Scotty that the organization is after her because she was working with Paul. Scotty asks what she was thinking and Ava asks if they have attorney-client privilege. She gives him some money as retainer and tells him about Paul having the flash drive and blackmailing her. Now her own people are threatening to kill her, and that’s why she needs Scotty. He asks what he can possibly do.

Anna asks who Sonny told about Carrrlos, but there’s no one who would talk. Ditto for Anna. Sonny says two people come to mind, Julian and Ava. Anna says as far as she knows, they don’t know Carrrlos is alive. She suggests it’s Paul

Ava asks Scotty to move in with her for protection.

Sam wonders how Hayden ended up involved with Tracy. Dillon says her health is his priority right now and goes back into her room. Dillon approaches with caution and Tracy asks why he’s talking to her like she’s a hamster. He asks if she knows who Jason is. She says yes, and she knows who’s President too. Dillon tells her she thought Jason was Edward.

Elizabeth tells her to go ahead, call the cops, and she’ll never see Nicholas again. Hayden says go to hell. Elizabeth says she’d rather hang out with Nicholas, who will no doubt need sympathy. Then she’s going to the cops with a Rachel sighting. Unless Hayden leaves and never sees Nicholas or Spencer again.

Valerie says Curtis has a few bucks, so why don’t they go somewhere better than the diner. He agrees. A masked gunman suddenly comes into Kelly’s. Jordan creates a distraction and Curtis subdues the gunman. They’re like a well-oiled machine and it’s obvious they’ve done this before.

Sonny wonders why Paul would make it public unless he wants Carrrlos dead. Anna said Carrrlos must have decided that he didn’t want to cooperate and was safer on the run. Paul in turn decided he’d be safer without Carrrlos on the loose, since Carrrlos knows too much. Sonny says there are ways to find out what Paul is up to and suggests tapping his phone and bugging his office. He says he wants to get justice for Duke and his son.

Ava says she trusts Scotty. She says he only asked for money in regard to the flash drive, so she knows what kind of man he is. He says he’s not a bodyguard, but she says even just the appearance of it will be good. He asks what’s in it for her and she says money, lots of it.

Tracy says the only real Quartermaines left are Dillon and Ned. Ned comes in asking if he just heard his name.

Hayden is packed and ready to go. She leaves Spencer a note and stops to sniff Nicholas’s sweater. She leaves Windimere and says good by, wonderful new life.

Elizabeth wastes no time in hunting down Nicholas and saying she wants to be there for him. They hug and I retch.

The police come and cart off the gunman. Curtis says it was like old times. Jordan says he loved the work and it’s too bad he blew it. Valerie asks Curtis what really happened when he and Jordan worked together. Curtis ignores the question, and says they can probably get a free meal out of Kelly’s, so maybe they can get it to-go and go back to his place. Hayden walks in, saying she has a flat tire.

Elizabeth tells Nicholas about her threat to Hayden and telling her to take a head start out. Nicholas says he wishes she hadn’t. He talked to Spencer and he’s crazy about her. He says he’s also not ready to let her go.

Tracy argues with Dillon about calling Ned. Ned asks if it would be better if he just wanted to see a medical oddity. She says a little, but the only reason he’s there must be that she’s dying. Ned says he just wants to be there for her. She says not acceptable. He changes it to being concerned about Dillon’s concern.

Jason says he needs to get back the company Nicholas stole. Sam asks why it’s important and he says he owes the Quartermaines that much.

Anna asks Sonny how he knows about Duke’s son and Sonny tells her how they met. She tells Sonny that she told Griff about Carrrlos and she started to get paranoid that he was digging for information. Sonny says Griff told him to forgive Duke’s killer and he seemed sincere. Anna asks if he’s going to follow Griff’s advice.

Sonny says he and Griff bonded over their faith, but the only reason he didn’t have Carrrlos eliminated was so he could testify against Julian. He says it could change if things don’t work out and Anna suggests they stay within the parameters of the law for now. She mentions that Sonny let Ava live, but he says that’s a long way from forgiveness.

Scotty gets his hotel bill and says if he doesn’t pay it, he’ll be evicted tomorrow. Ava asks what happened to the money from the custody case. He says he lost his entire life savings because he invested with Richard Berlin.

Hayden tells Curtis she’s glad he’s there. Andre tells Jordan she was impressive and she says stick with her, it’s always an adventure. He says he’d like just the two of them in a room. She says she makes a mean Coq au Vin. He says he’ll bring the wine.

Curtis asks if someone found out Hayden is Rachel Berlin. She’s surprised he knew all the time. He says he checked her out early on and “If I were in your stilettos I’d want to bounce too.” She says Nicholas must hate her now, but Curtis says not necessarily

Nicholas tells Elizabeth he went into the relationship with his eyes wide open, but it didn’t stop him from falling for Hayden, and he can’t just turn his feelings off. Ah-ha! to Elizabeth in Nelson voice.

Tracy tells Ned about sharing the local delicacies in Mexico with Larry and how she got sick. She says if the treatment wasn’t started early enough, it could kill her. She says she has a deathbed wish. Ned and Dillon protest, and she says she’s not planning to die, but just in case, get back the family legacy.

Jason says he won’t allow Hayden to steal the company. Sam says it sounds like he’s fighting for his family. He says like it or not, he’s one of them. Sam says she knows he doesn’t remember them, but his father and grandfather would be proud.

Sonny says it’s not his first instinct to forgive, it’s to get revenge, but sometimes that can be messy and expensive. Anna says it’s a practical solution then and Sonny says sometimes. Anna wonders if Duke ever learned that lesson. They talk about Duke and Sonny says he feels responsible for his death. Anna says Griff suggested she forgive herself and maybe Sonny should consider it too. Sonny says he appreciates it more than she knows.

Ava tells Scotty it’s not the perfect solution, but it will work. They both agree they could do worse and shake on it.

Hayden says it’s only a matter of time until the world descends on her and without Nicholas she has nothing left in Port Charles. Curtis says she has him. They’re friends and she can get what she wants if she plays her cards right.

Andre leaves for work and Valerie sits down with Jordan. She tells Jordan she likes Curtis and it’s obvious there’s more between them that Jordan didn’t tell her.

Curtis says he doesn’t know Rachel, but he thinks he knows Hayden and she’s not a quitter. He tells her to go back to the castle and be a queen. She says maybe he’s right.

Elizabeth says she’s not going back to Windimere tonight. Nicholas asks her to stay because he doesn’t want to be alone right now. Bleh

Ned and Dillon say they’ll help get ELQ back. Tracy says she knows it’s just a company, but it’s her history. She asks them both to stay because she doesn’t want to die alone.

Jason says ELQ isn’t just about money, it’s about family. Sam says the Quartermaines are lucky to have him. He says he’s lucky to have her. Well, neither one of them is really Lucky. BA DUM CHHH!

Tomorrow, Kiki wants to know where Morgan is, Carly asks Sonny what he’s going to do about Carrrlos, and Alexis reads Kristina’s journal.

If Loving You Is Wrong

Rusty hears Randal saying something about his and Alex’s son and runs over to his house. Louise tells Randal to get inside. Rusty asks what Randal is talking about and what the sign is on his lawn. Randal says his son is Rusty’s grandson. He adds he’ll do everything in his power to keep the baby and Alex away from Rusty’s backwater ass.

Rusty tells him to take the sign down. Randal laughs and says Rusty doesn’t want the world to know he has a little Black grandson. He says according to the state Rusty is from, one drop of African American blood makes him a “negro.” Rusty runs back to the house.

Rusty asks Alex’s mother where the baby is and she says Alex left with him. He asks if Randal is lying, but she avoids the question, telling him to calm down. He asks where the gun is and she says she left it at the house. He asks if the baby is Black and she says yes. He asks where Alex went, but her mother says she and Brad can’t find her. Rusty insists Alex must have been raped by Randal.

Brad tells him to get out. Rusty says to call the law because someone is going to die. He asks what kind of man Brad is to let Alex be raped. Brad says he’s losing patience. Rusty says he brought him there because he couldn’t be a man and handle things himself. Brad says Alex and Randal had an affair. He says it was a mistake to invite them and now he wants them to leave. Rusty asks where Alex is and Brad tells him to get out like a thousand times. Brad says Rusty is the only rapist there.

Brad starts to punch Rusty out and Alex’s mother draws a gun. She tells Brad to lay off and grabs Rusty. They leave. Apparently without taking their belongings.

Kelly pulls up at her house where Ramses is mowing the lawn. He says he thinks he heard a gunshot, but Kelly says not in this neighborhood. He says he thinks it came from Brad’s house. Kelly asks him if he’s sure. He says yes, and she starts toward Brad’s, but Ramses says he’ll go over.

Ramses knocks on Brad’s door and asks if everything is okay. Brad asks Kelly if she’s seen Alex. She says not since the hospital. Kelly says Ramses thought he heard a gunshot. Brad explains what happened and says Alex’s mother shot at him. I guess I’m the only one who didn’t hear this. Kelly tells him he shouldn’t have brought them there. He says his plan backfired and he knows he did wrong. Kelly tells him it’s gone way too far. He asks Kelly to let him know if she calls or if she sees Alex.

Ramses asks what that was all about and Kelly tells him drama she wants no part of. They go into Kelly’s house.

Marcie calls Brad. She says he doesn’t sound too good. She tells him she’s in the new place and asks if he’s still in. He says yes. She says she saw Rusty and that it couldn’t have gone well. Brad says it was like an explosion, but they’re gone now. She asks if he’s still in “the rage,” and he’s vague. He says he just has to pack a bag and then he’ll be over.

Esperanza calls Eddie, who is obviously having sex, even though thankfully we don’t see it. She asks when he’s coming back to work and if he gave her back her house keys. He says he did. She asks if he’s enjoying himself and if she’s any good. He pretends not to know what she’s talking about and says he’s at work. He says even if he did have a girl over, what difference would it make? She says because he’s in her house.

He acts like she’s nuts, but then she walks in and tells him to get out. The girl jets, but Eddie says it’s his house; he paid for it. Esperanza says do it again and see what happens, and then tells him again to get out. Ben comes in and Esperanza tells him Eddie is going to drag him down with him and tells them both to get out. That was actually pretty funny when she walked in.

Natalie tells Joey to take the trash out. Joey tells her she knows she’s wrong about Lushion. He says if he was a dirty cop, he would know. Joey says he’s not still hanging out with a bad crowd, but he’d know because he asked around. He says Eddie is dirty, but Lu is clean. He says he took her home approval out of the trash and she shouldn’t let anything keep her from her dreams.

Natalie looks at the approval letter. She leaves for work, telling Joey to feed his siblings when they get home from school.

Julius is in Randal’s office and asks Randal if he has information. Randal says he spoke to Julius’s father. Julius asks what this is about and if his father thinks he’s crazy. Randal says no, but Julius says he must since he’s having him talk to a shrink. Randal is so crazy, I always forget that’s his job. Randal says he thinks Julius is angry because his father wasn’t around much during Julius’s childhood. In true shrink fashion, he asks how that made Julius feel. Julius says like he wasn’t there. Randal asks if he felt lonely. Julius says when he was four, he killed a bird every day when his father didn’t come home, and the longest was a year. When his mother found out, she sent him to boarding school.

Again, Randal asks how that made him feel. Julius says angry and it made him do things he never thought he’d do. He started raping girls, following them home and sneaking in the windows. He says he got addicted to that and then to cocaine and mutilating animals. A budding serial killer. He says he also started cutting himself and shows Randal his wienie saying he circumcised himself. Seriously, this guy needs to be locked up.

Julius says he’s not crazy. Randal and his father are crazy. Randal says no one thinks that. Julius asks if he’s turned on. Randal says sorry, but that would be a no. Randal wants to talk about the birds, but Julius wants to talk about the rapes. He starts to cry and Randal asks what he’s feeling. He’s faking and says Randal and his father are a couple of idiots. He was lying and his mother was wonderful and always there, so he never felt neglected.

Julius says this is his father’s way of trying to keep him out of his will. He says Randal won’t see another day if he causes a problem. He asks if they’re done. Randal asks if he’d like them to be done and Julius says yes. He tells Randal to tell his father he’s fine and Randal says he will. Julius leaves. A-hole.

Kelly asks Ramses how much she owes him for mowing her lawn. He says dinner. He asks if she wants to do it and she’s like, what? but he means the mowing and dinner deal. Kelly says he’s not going to be there that long and she doesn’t want to get attached to him. He says it’s just dinner and she’s a gravity chick — she falls hard. She asks if he’s a player, since he has no wife and kids. Then she asks if he’s gay. He says yes, and she says she knew it. He says not really and why doesn’t she just say what she wants to say? Kelly asks why he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He says he had a girl, but she left him because of the military; the time away was too much, and he’s been cautious ever since. He adds that she shouldn’t judge people, but she says she’s just curious. He says the best way for them to get their questions answered is dinner.

He says he might be there longer than she thinks, since he hasn’t heard from Marcie. Kelly says she has other realtors for him. He says he doesn’t think Marcie is doing well. She says there’s drama going on. They flirt a little.

They go out the back door and Alex is there with the baby. Ramses brings her inside.

Alex is crying and Kelly asks if Brad tried to hurt her. She says to please go get her other children. She says she’s sorry and Kelly asks her what’s happening. Alex says she heard a gunshot and asks if Brad is okay. Kelly says yes, and Alex tells her about her father. Kelly says Brad told Alex’s parents to leave.

There’s a knock at the door and Alex hides. It’s Brad. He says he can’t find Alex anywhere and if she sees Alex to tell her that he’s left and he’s not coming back. He asks Kelly to please help find her. The baby starts crying and Brad tries to force his way into the house, but Ramses subdues him. He tells Brad to relax and lets him up. He says he wants to talk to Alex and Ramses says she doesn’t want to talk to him. Brad calls out that her parents have gone and he’s sorry. He asks that she please talk to him.

Alex comes out with the baby and Brad apologizes ten times. He says he shouldn’t have brought her parents there and it was a mistake. He says he’s leaving and promises he won’t bother her. He tosses his keys on the table and says he’ll call about seeing the kids. Alex says nothing and just cries quietly. Brad says he’s sorry again and leaves.

At the station, Claudia sees Lushion. She says he looks stressed and asks if it’s getting to him. He says yes, and she says her too. She talks about all the rookies that have been killed and asks how Pete is. He says it’s too soon to tell. She says let’s get some beers. Lushion says that’s not a good idea. She says he can talk to her any time, but he says she should keep her distance. She ignores the warning and gives him her number. He says it’s not a good idea and Natalie, who has come up behind him, says she doesn’t think so either.

Next week, Alex’s other kids ask why the baby is tan, Brad says he wants Marcie, and Randal says he’s going to ruin Marcie’s life.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

I just have to start by saying shame on these women. What most of us wouldn’t give to have a vacation like this, and they’re going to spend it arguing — about nonsense.

Kyle and LisaV go to a place where you can swim with sea lions. The suits are like diving suits and very hard to get into. Eileen and Erika go to an aquarium, and Kathryn and LisaR go to the spa. It would be hard to choose. Like the kid in Scrooge said, I can’t have none of ‘em, so I might as well like all of ‘em.

The sea lions are flipping all around and one comes up and they all pet it. Lisa just about goes out of her mind. They get sea lion kisses and she wants to take one home.

Eileen and Erika discuss LisaR’s feeling of being enraged in seeing Yolanda’s photo with Kim and Brandy. Erika says the word enraged is strong and I agree, but I think Lisa doesn’t really know the meaning of a lot of words.

LisaR is also discussing it with Kathryn, who says Yolanda feels judged.

Eileen and LisaR get together for coffee in Lisa’s room. The view is amazing and Lisa tells her about the spa day. Eileen says Erika doesn’t understand the enraged business. Eileen says she thinks Lisa really meant she was just upset. That was a nice way of saying what I did, she doesn’t use words properly.

Eileen brings up LisaV and that people are having a problem saying how they feel. They both have fabulous earrings on and it’s really taking my attention away. Lisa says she’s more open with Eileen because she feels safe with her, and she doesn’t get why she has to share her deepest feelings with everyone. Eileen says she isn’t as brave with a group and she retreats.

The ladies go out to the desert, passing the world’s tallest building. I can’t believe their as dressed up a they are. They pull over and some dude gives them head scarves. They get into a jeep and drive into the desert. Yikes! It’s like a roller coaster ride and I don’t think these girls are wearing seat belts.

They get to this spot that has a bunch of pillows where they sit and have juice drinks. A falconer is there to give them a demonstration with his falcon, Gizmo. LisaV asks if she can pet it and the guy says after he’s done eating. (The falcon, not the guy.) Everyone gets their picture taken holding the falcon. It does look pretty cool.

Next is an Arabian Nights Dinner. They go to an outdoor spot. There are camels hanging out and a henna lady. Kyle goes to get a tattoo. It’s a dry night — they don’t explain why — so they can’t have any alcohol. They’re given some drink that they love until they find out it has camel milk in it. Please. That’s as bad as my husband who loved moo shu pork until he found out it had mushrooms in it. A woman does some dancing and they join her.

The head waiter, or whatever he is, lists the menu. Everyone passes on the camel meat except for Kathryn. Yeah, I’d pass too, especially when there’s three of them sitting there. She says it’s gamey, but good. LisaV jokes that there’s only two camels now. LisaR brings up the Yolanda thing. Erika says she thought that was over and asks why Lisa was “enraged” by the picture. She asks if Lisa likes Yolanda. She says they need some time.

LisaR asks what Erika thinks of her. Erika says she likes her more than when she first met her because she has trust issues. Lisa asks if Erika judges people and Erika says no. Lisa says when she saw Erika’s video, she judged a book by it’s cover. Saying what I’m thinking, Erika says Lisa posed for Playboy — twice. Eileen thinks she’s avoiding talking about Yolanda. Lisa says she wishes Erika would open up more, but Erika says she doesn’t think so.

The head waiter brings out a hookah. Erika tells LisaR that she wishes she and Yolanda would be friends. Lisa says she feels that Yolanda’s illness keeps her from being honest. Everyone smokes. What the blip is a hookah anyway? I understand a water pipe, but don’t get this hookah stuff.

LisaR takes LisaV aside. She asks her about her asking why she didn’t bring Kyle up in regard to the Munchhausen thing. LisaV says she didn’t say that; she said she wondered why she hadn’t dragged them all into it. LisaR says no one is owning up to anything, but LisaV says she never said anything about Munchhausen. In her individual interview, LisaR says she realized LisaV was lying to her. I dunno. It’s not important enough for me to have actually retained the exact conversation, but the first time I heard Munchhausen, it was from LisaR.

The next day they go to the market downtown. They find some shoes that they recognize from Sex in the City and get excited. They try to barter, but none of them are very good at it. It’s Kathryn’s birthday the next day, so they talk about that. Kathryn tries on a caftan and there’s a roach on it, and she goes crazy. Obviously not a New Yorker. LisaR asks Eileen if they can talk later, since no one can let anything go. They go over their bargains on the way home. Erika gives Karhryn a birthday present. She says it’s not her real present, it’s her bs present. It’s a souvenir replica of the tallest building.

LisaR, Kathryn and Kyle have dinner while the others take a nap. Lisa has to bring up talking to LisaV and Munchhausen and bringing Kyle into it. Kyle says she already knew all about that. Kyle says she already over it with LisaV and she thinks that Lisa does care about her regardless. She doesn’t want to continue to rehash it because she’s enjoying their friendship.

LisaR says no one calls LisaV on anything. Kyle says she’s not as strong as everyone thinks. LisaR says it’s no excuse to lie.

LisaR tells Eileen about LisaV changing what she said. Eileen says it’s frustrating because no one backs her up on LisaV’s lack of accountability. Maybe it’s me, but I think this point is being belabored. LisaR tells Eileen about what Kyle told her. Eileen says she can’t believe Kyle knew LisaV tried to throw her under the bus. LisaR says that LisaV doesn’t like Yolanda and that’s why she tried to get her to talk about Yolanda. Again, I dunno about that, but why is this necessary on such an amazing vacation?

Erika tells her glam squad about the bug on Kathryn’s dress. Dubai realness at its finest. Kathryn comes by and thank God they don’t talk about anything deep.

They go to a private outdoor spot for dinner. I want to cry because I know another argument is coming. I guess it’s no longer dry time because the ladies all get a cocktail. LisaV isn’t there yet, so LisaR has to say how horrified she was to notice LisaV lying. Erika says that LisaR is living in the past and she wants to get to know her today.

LisaV and Kyle join the group. LisaV says she’s obviously being ignored. Kyle says they’re going to the mall tomorrow and gives them the rules. No swearing, no talking about sex, and dressing appropriately. Good luck with this and get the bail money ready.

Eileen prods LisaR to sh*t stir. LisaR tells LisaV she rewrote the truth. LisaR asks her why she told her to bring Kyle into the Munchhausen convo. LisaV says she didn’t say that. She says she told her that she was glad she didn’t involve all of them. Kyle says that LisaV told her she was glad LisaR didn’t bring her into it. Erika is like wtf? can we have a drink, ride a camel, anything but fight? What a concept.

Eileen gets involved. LisaR says the truth is the truth and she’s not the only one going down for this. Whatta gangsta. LisaR says that she became the scapegoat when LisaV and Kyle were already talking about Yolanda’s illness. But neither one of them ever did use the Munchhausen word. That was LisaR. Eileen gets a squeaky voice and says that she can’t believe Kyle thinks this is all okay and it’s just the way LisaV is. Kyle says maybe it seems weird, but she knows LisaV loves her. She says she loves LisaV and takes the good with the bad. Kyle starts to cry and says maybe it’s because she has bigger problems, but she doesn’t care. I don’t care because it’s unimportant nonsense.

LisaR says LisaV changed the story. Kathryn doesn’t think either one of them is lying. Eileen brings up the Hamptons. Geez. LisaV asks what it was that was so offensive. Eileen tells her that asking when her affair with Vince started was hurtful. She says Lisa only apologized for asking too many questions, even though Eileen wasn’t exactly specific at the time. She’d only said Lisa was prying. Eileen tells her just learn to say you’re sorry.

Kathryn thinks it’s a cultural difference and LisaV’s apology didn’t come with the warm fuzzies that Eileen wants. I tend to agree. In her individual interview, LisaR says she lost respect for LisaV. They both say they have respect for one another at the table, so what up wit dat, LisaR? LisaV says she’s had enough, but Kyle makes her stay.

LisaR says they’re not coming from a bad place, just being honest. LisaV says she doesn’t feel like she can say anything. LisaR says she’s not the victim. Erika says obviously LisaV isn’t going to give LisaR the response she wants, so why don’t they move on?

Next week, the girls visit the mall of my dreams, we get to see the tallest building, Yolanda has a picnic with Brandi and Kim, and there’s more arguing.

March 28, 2016 — GH & the NeverEnding Reunion

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Tracy wants to see Finn immediately. Obrecht says Dr.Mays is the best. Tracy says he misdiagnosed her and she wants Finn.

Finn’s phone is ringing but he’s busy doing meditation. Dillon leaves a message asking him to come to the hospital. Obrecht says until he’s fully vetted, he can’t practice there. She says her first priority is the patients. Tracy says then give her what she wants.

Ava is on the phone, saying things aren’t safe right now. She says not from Sonny, but someone else. Paul comes up behind her.

Laura tells Elizabeth about the textbook. Elizabeth says steer clear of the living room; all hell is breaking loose.

Not really, but Nicholas is pretty miffed. Hayden says it hasn’t taken away the love and happiness they’ve had. He says all he knows is that she’s not the woman he married, but a stranger.

Dammit! Breaking news about a lock-down in the capital. The shooter is in custody, so what else do we need to know? It sounds like a garden variety nutjob. Terrorists usually don’t send in a lone gunman. Please go away and don’t come back until 4.

Finn comes to the hospital. Tracy says she’ll be cured and released by the time Obrecht gets the paperwork together.

Paul tells Ava it’s been a long time (like 2 days) and Ava says not long enough. He asks if he can do anything for her and she says yeah, give her the recording. He’s not going to do that. She says because of him she has a target on her back..

Jason asks Sam out on a kidless date. She says it sounds good, but right now, she has to work. Jason says she must be getting paid a lot. She says not at all. Her client told her to let it go, but she can’t.

Nicholas says Hayden took advantage of him. Where? She says she’s the same person she was when she married him. He says no she’s not, and he wonders what else she’s lying about. She says he of all people should understand wanting to escape the past. He says that’s a fantasy and it’s impossible.

Elizabeth tells Laura about Hayden really being Rachel Berlin. She says Hayden was just looking for another payday. Laura says Nicholas has convinced himself he’s in love with her and she’s concerned he’ll overlook the whole thing. Elizabeth says it’s time Hayden was dealt with the only way she understands and she’s calling the police. Laura says that’s a bad idea,since Nicholas has done worse to Hayden than she did to him. Oh yeah, that pesky murder contract.

Ava says when Paul gave her immunity, she was marked as a rat. Paul says it wasn’t his intention to harm her, and that it was the quickest way to absolve her of the gun running. She tells Paul to leave her alone, that she has it under control. He says no, she doesn’t.

Jason guesses that Sam’s client was Nicholas. She says why would she do something for him, but Jason isn’t buying it, so she says it’s really for Spencer. She asks Jason if he wants to be a partner. He balks at that, and she says the offer is on the table if he changes his mind.

Tracy asks why she wasn’t told her condition was fatal. Finn says in less developed countries, it’s a death sentence. He says if it’s caught early enough, it can be treated, and they’re just making it. He says he’d be remiss not to apprise her of the worst case scenario.

Elizabeth says Hayden doesn’t remember, but Laura says the police might open up a can of worms and investigate her shooting. She says it’s Nicholas’s decision and they have to respect that. Like Elizabeth has every respected anyone’s decisions except her own.

Hayden says she should have trusted Nicholas, but she was afraid when he heard the truth, she’d lose him. He says she’s been working to take everything away from him and Spencer. She says he lied to Sam for months about Jason. He says he was trying to protect Elizabeth. Hayden says no, he was trying to protect his bank account, when she was just trying to make a fresh start. She says what he did was worse and suggests he’s lying to her right now.

Paul tells Ava to take his protection. She says they worked well when things were simpler, but he wasn’t who she thought he was. He says they should get to know one another again. He says she’ll land on her feet.

Finn tells Tracy to rest. He says the medication is working, but her immune system is still compromised until the treatment is finished. Monica walks Finn out. She apologizes for Tracy. Obrecht comes by and asks Finn to come to her office.

Sam and Jason come to the hospital with Danny. Monica says she’d like to visit and asks if they’d like to take a turn monitoring Tracy. She says she’s just kidding, but Jason says if she wants, he’ll do it.

Hayden says just because Nicholas hears something from Elizabeth, he believes it. Nicholas says he’s going to the MetroCourt to clear his head, he wants this wrapped up before Spencer comes back from spring break.

Sam and Jason go in to visit Tracy. Sam talks about the magazine and Tracy asks Dillon why he didn’t bring her a copy. Sam gets a call and has to leave.

Elizabeth asks where Nicholas is. Hayden says gone and she must be disappointed because she didn’t get a front row seat. Elizabeth says she guesses Hayden wants to be by herself, so she’ll catch up with Nicholas later. Hayden grabs her arm and tells her she’s not going anywhere.

Paul asks about Kiki. Ava says she’s getting better all the time. He says if she needs anything, don’t hesitate to call. Ava says she actually believes that he’s being sincere, but he should concentrate on his own family.

Obrecht says Finn should remove himself until they get the paperwork. Finn says no thanks, but he’ll be happy to let the board know the disregard for patient care.

Jason is left with Tracy and tries to make small talk. He suggests the pudding. Tracy says the pudding is his legacy. She says when he was in the hospital the last time, he complained about the lackluster pudding and Monica had Cook give them her recipe.

Hayden says Elizabeth can’t stand not controlling all the men in her life. She wants to destroy their hopes of happiness unless they involve her. Elizabeth says she’s forgotten more things about Nicholas than Hayden can even knows. She says he keeps searching for the same woman that he once loved and only comes up with substitutes to share his bed until the right woman comes along.

Nicholas asks Sam to go back on the case. He tells Sam who Hayden really is. He says she swears she wasn’t trying to con him. Sam asks if he thinks that’s the truth and he says he doesn’t know, that’s why he wants Sam to look into it. She suggests he call the police and he says he doesn’t want Hayden anywhere near the police.

Laura tells Scotty about the book she found. She asks if he would know why Helena had it. He says after he and Laura fell apart, he sold his textbooks, but he doesn’t know how Helena would have gotten ahold of it. Laura tells him about how Helena said she’d find what what she loved and lost. He says she’s cracked the riddle and he’s the solution.

Scotty suggests Laura loved and lost him, so case closed. She says they had one than more chance, so that’s a no. He can’t come up with anything else, so she shows him the letters circled in the book and asks if he did that. He says no way, and she says maybe it’s some kind of code.

Obrecht asks if Finn would have the hospital shut down because of one patient. He says that Tracy could have died and talks about Dr. Mays blowing Griff off when he tried to help. Obrecht says it’s an isolated incident and Finn says he’ll be back later to check on his patient.

Paul asks Dillon how Tracy is. He says she’s doing better. Paul says she really doesn’t want to see him and Dillon says he’ll get him a visit somehow.

Ava makes a call saying she has a proposition.

Nicholas says they know Hayden lied about who she is, but doesn’t know if she’s lying about their relationship. Sam says the longer they wait, the longer Nicholas can be exposed.

Hayden says she’s not a placeholder and Nicholas will be back. She says she’s not leaving

Tracy says she knows the pecking order, and she’s at the end of it. Suddenly, she calls Jason “daddy” and says they’ll get ELQ back and he’ll be proud of her. Jason says he’s already proud of her. She says if she can’t get it back, she’ll have to go to Jason, but she has a secret weapon named Rachel.

Ava meets Scotty.

Laura tries to crack the letter code.

Nicholas looks out the window and broods.

Obrecht tells Monica that Dr. Finn will be cleared by tomorrow.

Finn gives himself a shot in the arm. We have no idea with what.

Dillon comes back to Tracy’s room and Jason asks him to get a nurse or doctor. He says they’re having a little confusion. Jason asks who Rachel is, and Sam says otherwise known as Hayden.

Elizabeth says Nicholas is only her friend and Hayden is just mad because she lost him all on her own, and Hayden is incapable of honesty. Hayden says the only man Elizabeth had a chance with was Nicholas, so she wouldn’t let something like marriage get in the way. She tells Elizabeth to find someone else to add to her illegitimate brood. Elizabeth slaps her across the face. Press charges!

Tomorrow, Scotty asks what he can do for Ava, Finn tends to Tracy, and a masked gunman comes into Kelly’s.

Vanderpump Rules — The Reunion, Part Two

Yay! It’s those crazy kids from SUR, back again for part two of a reunion of people who see each other every day.

Andy talks about Gay Pride Day and James showing up with the hell scratched out of him. And it wasn’t from a drag queen. Kristen looks like she’s going to laugh and throw up at the same time. Lala says he deliberately tried to embarrass and disrespect her, especially since it was Lauren who she’d been confiding in. Why Lala is still attracted to this d-bag is beyond me. Lisa is like, this is what I have to deal with.

Andy asks if James’s rivalry with Jax has anything to do with his pursuit of Lala. He says no, but really? Tom says Jax and James are a lot alike. Why does James look like he’s going to cry? Or maybe he’s stoned.

They talk about Katie and Schwartz getting engaged. Katie says it was everything. It was pretty cool how he set it up and fooled her. Andy asks how much longer he would have had if he hadn’t proposed and she says they were about at the end. Scheana says she told him to make sure Katie was looking good that night. They talk about Katie and Schwartz’s sex life and I go, la-la-la! with my fingers in my ears.

Andy asks when Tom and Ariana are getting married, but Ariana doesn’t want to. Tom says it’s like reverse psychology.

Brittany joins the group. She’d never seen Vanderpump Rules before dating Jax and only knew Lisa from the Wives. She didn’t Google him either. Andy asks how uncomfortable his horrible reputation is, but Brittany shrugs it off. She says they clicked in a way she hadn’t felt before. Andy asks Jax what was so special about Brittany that he dropped his harem and he gives her a bunch of compliments. Scheana says she’s glad Brittany didn’t listen to their warnings, since she’s an amazing friend.

They talk about Brittany’s boob job and we flash back to the discussions about that. They’ve also moved from the studio apartment. Andy asks if it bothers Brittany that Jax takes a dump with the door open and I go, la-la-la! again.

The non-internship as sangria ambassadors with Schwartz and Tom comes up. We see the meeting where they had no idea of what place they should even have in the company. Katie says she was miffed because of Schwartz’s lack of commitment to things.

They talk about Scheana drifting apart from Ariana and closer to Katie. Andy asks if Scheana is Ariana’s best friend and Ariana says she doesn’t really like that term. Neither do I. Katie says Ariana was kind of a downer this season. Ariana says it’s hard to come around when everyone is throwing shade every five minutes. Ariana says it’s a toxic environment and it blows her mind that the others don’t notice. Well, they’re minds are probably too crowded with thoughts of themselves. Duh.

Andy asks for a show of hands as to who thinks therapy has changed Kristen. Everyone is positive, except Ariana says it’s changed her knowledge of how to behave around other people. They talk about the Hawaii trip. Tom says the point is, when they were planning the trip, he was attacked about why he didn’t want his ex-girlfriend going. He says Jax had no problem with her not going until everyone else jumped on the Kristen bandwagon.

They talk about the texts that Scheana sent to Ariana’s mom about Tom. Ariana was pretty pissed about that. They go over the texts which Ariana has handy. Lisa has to remind everyone not to curse. Ariana says that her mother believed the texts for a while. Scheana insists that her mother was concerned, but even Ariana’s mother later said that wasn’t the case. Scheana said she already apologized. Lisa says with everything Scheana had going on with Shay, how would she have felt if Ariana texted her mother? Lala says she would be pissed for sure. Everyone starts talking at once.

Andy stirs the pot about the toplessness in Hawaii. He asks why Katie was so offended. She says she wasn’t offended by the boobs, but by Lala’s behavior. Lala says something juvenile. Schwartz steps in and says Katie is a free thinker, but she didn’t like it being flaunted. Andy asks Brittany if it bothered her. Brittany says she already didn’t have the best opinion of Lala and thought it was just an attention grabber. Yep. Lala says Katie should have approached her if she had a problem. Lisa is like, I didn’t see anyone with a top on for 20 years in Europe.

They go over Jax flirting with Lala and telling her Brittany wasn’t coming to some dinner they were at. Brittany says she wasn’t too happy about the whole thing. Brittany says she just wanted to know what was going on, since she was turning her whole life upside down for him. Lala says the worst thing was Jax lying right to her face. Brittany defends her defense of Jax at the time, saying she didn’t know Lala at all. Lala says if they’d wanted to sleep together, they would have, and Jax says it didn’t happen, so let’s drop it.

Andy says he’s sure Jax is tired of telling the story, but what was up with the sunglasses? Jax says it was the last day, they went on a booze cruise, he went through a store on his way back and grabbed the glasses. He says they hunted him down and he thought just giving the sunglasses back would make everything okay. Andy asks what Jax has been arrested for in the past. He says he’s been in jail about five times, but not for anything major, just stupid stuff. Andy asks Lisa why she didn’t fire Jax. She says she didn’t want to kick him when he was down. James brings up Jax stealing from the restaurant, like he doesn’t wolf down free liquor.

Jax says he’s far from perfect and needs guidance. Tom says he needs to remember the past guilt before he does the next idiotic thing. Jax says he has a wonderful girlfriend now and has changed his stance on marriage…somewhat. Tom says maybe he can steal Brittany a wedding ring. Ha-ha! Brittany says they bring out the best in each other, and even I have to admit, she makes Jax a better person. Brittany exits, and it’s time for Stassi to make an appearance.

They go over the work Stassi’s had done. Andy asks how it was coming back. She pretty quickly tells James she hopes he watched his own scenes because the way he talks to women is despicable. James says his temper just leads him to have a nasty mouth and that he aspires to be a gentleman. Stassi says if he doesn’t acknowledge what he’s doing is wrong, he’ll never change. He smack talks Kristen and she says being in the same room is making her skin crawl.

Andy brings up that when Stassi was last there, she never wanted to see any of them again, yet she humbled herself when she came back. She says she realized how much hatred and anger she had, and that she was only hurting herself. Jax says she went after Kristen first because Kristen is the weakest link.

Andy brings up Stassi crashing on Kristen’s couch and Tom says the timing was interesting. Stassi says no matter what she says, he finds fault. Tom says it doesn’t have to do with bashing her, but he’s protective of his friends. Lisa interjects that just because an apology happens, that doesn’t mean the hurt goes away. She says that she believes if the show wasn’t happening, none of them would have heard from Stassi again. Everyone agrees.

Andy says Lisa had concerns about Stassi coming back. She says at first she thought Stassi was being genuine, but in watching the show, she realized that it was disingenuous. She says as soon as the cameras were rolling, she trash talked Lisa. Andy asks if she feels like she owes Lisa anything and Stassi says respect. Lisa asks about the opportunities she was presented with. Lisa says she begged Stassi not to walk away from everyone the way she did.

Next week, The Reunion Part Three, Katie and Schwartz argue, Scheana talks about old feelings, James calls everyone a-holes and Andy wonders why was Stassi’s sex tape was only worth $900.

March 27, 2016 — A Mutiny, a Debate, a Reunion, the Dead & the Wives

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

Once Upon A Time
Henry takes off with Cruella in the coolest car ever. Her license plate says DeVIL and I feel really, really stupid because in all these years, I never realized her last name spells devil. Henry makes her stop near a forest. Cruella isn’t interested in tromping around in her heels, so she tells Henry to go ahead. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice stops Henry. He tells Henry it would be a mistake to resurrect Cruella. He says Henry should only record the stories, not create them. The sorcerer says the quill is protected by a powerful spell and the sheriff has the key. He tells Henry he trusts him to make the right choice.

Emma tends to Hook’s wounds. He says she went into the darkness for love, but he did it for revenge and doesn’t measure up to her. She asks if he wants to stay in the Underworld. There’s a knock at the door. It’s Hook’s older brother, Liam.

We flash back to Hook and his brother working as indentured servants on a ship. Liam suggests they join the Royal Navy when they’re finished. The captain comes by and kicks some crap onto the deck that they have to clean up. He tells them only Liam can go collect their money, which will be paid to him. Liam says he’ll be back and they’ll be free by sunrise.

Hook says the only way out of the Underworld is to defeat Hades. He asks Liam if he has any knowledge from being there so long. Liam says he’s heard about a book from people who have tried to overthrow Hades. He says he’s in on the mutiny.

Snow and David look for the book. Liam asks to talk to Emma. He tells her Hook blames himself for being there, but Liam thinks it’s Emma’s fault. He says Hook had the chance to die a hero and she took it from him. She asks if he was this self-righteous while he was alive. He says when it comes to his brother, yes, and if she really loves him, she’ll let him go.

Hook and Emma start looking for the book. Henry says he thinks he knows where it is, but they need the key from the sheriff, who is also David’s evil twin, James.

Back on the old ship, Liam returns and the captain says only he can leave. Hook took the captain up on his offer of a drink and ended up gambling his half of the money away. The captain says Liam should just leave the dead weight behind him. Hook says he can’t be the brother that Liam deserves. Liam says come hell or high water, he can’t leave his brother.

Hades is in the bar where Liam is bartender. Hades says he knows about the mutiny. Liam asks what he wants. Hades says he wants the book destroyed, or at least the pages he’s on. He says the sorcerer’s house doesn’t like him very much, so he needs Liam to get it.

Snow and David break into the sheriff’s office. They get the key, but hear Cruella coming in. Snow jets out and David pretends to be his brother. Cruella has brought champagne and says momma has had a long day.

Emma asks Regina what she thinks of Liam. Regina realizes Liam doesn’t like Emma. Emma says he doesn’t think she’s good enough for Hook. Regina says he the type who doesn’t forgive himself.

Henry, Hook. Liam and Emma take the key to the sorcerer’s house.

On the old ship, a storm is brewing and the ship is going right into it. Hook tries to tell the captain they should change course, or they’ll face a hurricane. The captain says there’s a reward for the ship that goes inside the hurricane, so too bad, they’re staying on course. Liam and Hook stage a mutiny. Hook asks if it’s going to be the easy way or the bloody way and the captain surrenders. Liam tells Hook to tie them up while he goes to get the captain’s maps and whatever.

The sorcerer isn’t a very good housekeeper. There are cobwebs everywhere. Emma tells Henry to be the lookout while they look for the book.

Liam finds the book. While alone, he turns to the pages with Hades in them, and rips them out, saying he’s sorry to his brother.

Cruella is sitting on David’s lap, trying to ply him with champagne. Finally he has enough and asks her if his brother really goes for this nonsense. Cruella says she’d hoped he’d pretended a while longer. She says she knew he wasn’t James because although he looks like James, he doesn’t have James’s “delicious damage,” the damage David is responsible for.

The Storybrooke gang realizes the pages with Hades are gone. Regina says she took her pages out when she didn’t want Henry to know she was the evil queen. Liam pretends like he didn’t know the pages were missing and says maybe they fell out somewhere. They go off to look.

Emma tells Hook something is up with Liam, but he blows her off, thinking it’s just because of Liam’s attitude toward Emma.

Hades shows up in the midst of the storm. Liam is in the captain’s quarters and Hades says he can help him. He says Liam’s dreams of the King’s Navy are over. Liam asks how he would know about that and Hades shows his blue, fiery hair. Liam says he’s a demon. Hades says technically he’s a god, but a lot of people make that mistake. Liam draws his sword. Hades promises if Liam allows the ship to be sunk, he’ll spare Liam and his brother. He says he’ll also give him a rare gem stone. Hades says it will fulfill all of Liam’s dreams.

Liam ditches the pages in a well. Emma comes by and he claims he’s getting some air. Emma tells him that he’s Hook’s hero and wonders why he lied to Hook. Hook comes by and Emma says Liam has the pages. She says he’s been hiding his hands since she got there and tells Liam to show Hook his hands. Hook says he doesn’t care. His fate isn’t in Storybrooke, it should be determined there. Emma says no matter how many times people tell him he’s good enough, he doesn’t listen. She leaves.

Liam shows Hook his hands and they have ink on them. Hook asks why Liam lied. The ship’s crew comes out of the woods and the captain says that Liam has to pay for what he did to them.

Back on the old ship, they’re in the middle of the storm. Liam gives Hook his lucky ring, saying that’s how sure he is, and takes the wheel. Hook makes a speech about trusting Liam with his life.

In the Underworld, Hook asks what this has to do with the missing pages. The captain says Liam isn’t the hero he pretends to be. He says he saw Hades visiting him at the bar and says he traded their souls for the eye of the storm. The guys take Hook and Liam to the edge of the precipice above the Lake of Fire, and the captain tells them to walk the plank. Liam asks them to spare Hook, but that’s a no. Liam tells Hook sorry he failed.

Hades shows up asking if someone decided to have a party without inviting him. Bye, captain! Hades says only one of them kept the bargain with him. Liam tells him to spare Hook and that he had nothing to do with it. Hades says too bad and over the edge Liam goes. Hook grabs his hand, but Liam says to forgive him and lets go. Hades says Liam will pay for this and disappears poof! in a cloud of blue smoke. I guess his sacrifice spared Hook.

Liam is in a little boat and drifts up to Hook. Liam says this is what he should have done in the first place. Hook tells all the men they’re free now and to get in the boat. He says his unfinished business isn’t done yet. Liam says to tell Emma he was wrong and that she does want what’s best for Hook. The brothers say good-by and Liam sails away.

In the old days, Liam and Hook wash up on shore. Some soldiers from the Royal Navy find them. The captain says if they went into the storm, they deserve what they got. Liam produces the stone and the captain sings a different tune, saying he’s a hero. His ship will take them to the king. Liam says he’s going to ask the king about a Navy position and the captain says they can do that right there.

Hook tells Emma what happened, and how she was right about Liam, but he sacrificed himself. Hook says he saw the truth that he is good enough for Emma. They kiss.

Henry pokes around the sorcerer’s place. He finds the quill and some ink. The others are still combing the book, but the pages with Hades are gone. David finds Henry upstairs and asks what’s up. Henry says he doesn’t want to talk about it. David says he learned that his twin brother resented him his whole life. He says he wanted what David had, a family and tells Henry that his family is pretty great. Henry asks him not to make it a lesson.

Henry shows the others the quill. He tells them about Cruella and how he almost helped her with it. He says he realized how much power he has and wanted to be the hero rather than the one rescued. He says he knows better now and is going to write the stories as they are. They wonder what Hades is trying to hide from them.

Hades finds the pages from the book and looks through them. He comes to a picture of him and Celena. He says their secret is safe.

Next week, Celena visits Hades and a reckless romance must be stopped.

The Walking Dead

Strange beginning. It’s either raining or dripping blood and there are voices in the background. Then we go right to the credits and an ad for Fear the Walking Dead which tricks us into thinking the show started.

Carol sews her jacket and packs her bag. Tobin comes upstairs. Carol hides her bag under the bed. He talks about Denise and Carol spaces out. Carol says she’s concerned about when Tara finds out. Tobin says everything will be okay and kisses her. When he’s asleep, Carol slips out while a Johnny Cash song, It’s All Over, plays.

The song continues as we see what everyone is doing. Glenn and Maggie are taking a shower together; Daryl sits on his bike, Denise’s key ring in his hand; Sasha gives Abe a cigar; Rosita guards the gate.

Rick and Michonne are in bed. She takes a bite of an apple and gives it to him. This is so they can get cozy and not have morning breath. It’s an old French trick. They talk about how ultimately, everything went pretty well. Michonne has to leave for her shift. She says Maggie is worried about an attack. Rick says it won’t be like before and everyone knows what to do. He says the world is theirs and they’re not losing anybody again. Don’t get cocky, Rick.

Michonne, Glen and Maggie see Daryl leaving Alexandria on his bike. Glenn says they have to stop him. Abe pops out of nowhere and Rosita tells him to cover her shift because she’s going with them. She gets in the car with Michonne and Glenn.

Rick asks Tobin when Carol left, but he doesn’t know. Abe comes up and tells them that Daryl just took off. Tobin notices there’s a car missing. Abe says he’s going to find them and Rick tells him to wait. He says not to let anyone else leave and to be ready for a fight. He leaves with Morgan.

Commercial break. Fear 462. The oxygen masks drop and it looks like the plane is dropping too.

Carol is driving a car with giant spikes sticking out of it. A car comes from the other direction and some guys shoot out the tires. They sit in the back of their pickup and wait. Carol tucks her rosary in her sleeve. A guy says hands up and she asks them not to hurt her. What the blip has happened to Carol? She gets out of the car.

The guy asks where she’s from and where she’s going. He says he’s Hugh. She says she’s Nancy and she’s bounced around a lot, that she’s not from anywhere or going anywehre. He says they agree on one thing, she’s not going anywhere, but she seems like she is from somewhere. He says Alexandria has cars out front like the one she’s driving. He says she shouldn’t be out there alone and they can give her a ride back, since it’s where they were headed. Carol hyperventilates.

She says they could turn around and no one needs to get hurt. They start to come for her and a gun from somewhere shoots them all. A gun from carol’s sleeve. Apparently, part of her sewing project. One of the guys who is still alive comes after her, but she stabs him with one of the car spikes.

She tells another survivor to come out. He says he’ll pass. Blood is dripping from everywhere (like in the opening scene) and he comes out in attack mode with a knife.

Enid tells Maggie to put her feet up and eat some pickles while she takes Maggie’s shift.

Morgan says he thinks Carol went east. Rick says he doesn’t even know her. Morgan says there is no right, just wrong that hasn’t pulled you down.

One of the guys Carol shot is wounded. He stumbles out of the truck, surveying the damage.

Rick and Morgan drive up. They see Carol’s car, but no Carol. Rick grabs a guy who’s still breathing and asks where she is. He just gurgles, so Rick puts him out of his misery. He and Morgan look around cautiously. Rick says the men were Saviors. Rick says Carol took four of them down and she’s a force of nature. Morgan sees a blood trail going into the woods. Rick notices the guns are gone.

They follow the trail through a field. The wounded guy comes out of the woods and picks up Carol’s rosary. He follows Rick and Morgan.

Rosita and Glen go to the train tracks where Denise died. Glen asks her which way Dwight ran.

Daryl is also going through the field and nearly hits Rosita with an arrow. Daryl says they shouldn’t have come and Glenn says he shouldn’t have left. Daryl says he’s going to do what he should have done. Glenn says they need to figure it out from home and that everyone there needs them right now. He says it’s going to go wrong out there. Michonne asks Daryl to come back, but he says he can’t . He walks into the woods. Rosita says she can’t either and follows him. Glenn and Michonne go back.

Glenn says they need to find out more and Michonne agrees. Glen says after everything they did, he thought they would figure it out together. They hear a whistle type signal. A bunch of guys with guns surround them. Dwight is one of them.

Rick and Morgan see more blood. Morgan asks Rick id he’s there because Carol is his friend. Rick says Carol is his family. Morgan asks Rick about when he kicked Carol out of the prison and what he would do if that happened today. He adds that she came back and saved them. They see someone stumbling along, but it’s not Carol, it’s a zombie.

They go to a farmhouse, where there are a couple of dead people outside. They see a guy attack a zombie. The guy runs into the barn. He says he’s looking for his horse and Rick says they’re looking for a friend. The guy runs out and away, but Rick and Morgan can’t go after him because a slew of zombies come out that they have to deal with. Rick says maybe he’s from Hilltop. Morgan says he could be from anywhere.

Morgan says he found a Wolf who had attacked him once before. He found him hiding in one of the brownstones in Alexandria. He says he could have killed him, but he kept him in a cell instead. He says when Carol found out, they fought about it. He says when the Wolf escaped, he ended up saving Denise’s life, who in turn saved Carl. He says it’s a circle. He tells Rick to take the car home and that he shouldn’t be taking any more chances because he’s needed there. He says somehow, he’ll find Carol.

Rick asks if he’s coming back. Morgan says yes, but if he doesn’t, don’t come looking. Rick makes him take a gun. Before he leaves, he tells Morgan that Michonne did steal the protein bar (something I don’t even remember, but it sounds like something from Survivor). Morgan says he knew that.

Rick gets back and asks if Michonne is there, but she’s still out with Glenn. Abe asks Rick if he’s afraid to get close to anyone and he says yes. Abe says him too, but he’s ready to rip the world a new one.

Maggie tells Enid she needs some more help. She wants Enid to cut her hair. She says she has to keep going and doesn’t want anything to get in her way. Like shoulder-length hair? Enid does a pretty good job, but then Maggie goes into labor.

Glenn and Michonne are bound and gagged. Daryl sees them from behind a tree. Dwight comes up behind him and I say “oh no!” out loud. We hear a shot, Daryl pitches forward, and Dwight says, “You’ll be all right.”

Next week, it’s the 90-minute finale, Rick wants to make a deal, and a humongous war happens.

I Am Cait

The girls go for mani-pedis. The next stop is Dubuque, then Des Moines for the debates and then Graceland University where Cait went to school. They will be giving a talk there. She says the school is religiously affiliated and she wants to allow the student body to ask questions. Ella is kind of nervous about that, since she knows a couple of guys who go to school there.

They go to a fund raiser for Chicago House and Cait gives a talk. Cait visited one of their homes that houses people from the trans community. There is a protest outside where the protesters say that Cait has no clue about the real trans community issues. One of the protesters says that Cait doesn’t speak for them, and Cait explains that she isn’t trying to speak for everyone, only herself. Like there isn’t enough pressure, I guess she’s supposed to be a role model for every person who’s ever had gender reassignment surgery. Non-conformists unite!

Back in the limo, Chandi is like, that person isn’t even showing their face, how are they helping the community. Jenny says it’s the first time Cait has seen some people’s reservations about her. Jenny says she’s a public figure, but also a problematic figure and she needs to pay attention.

I just want to interject my two cents here. Why is it that just because Cait transitioned, she is supposed to be a totally different person inside as well? I thought the whole point was to put your body in sync with your mind. Not the other way around.

They pick up Candis’s sister, Mimi, and head to Dubuque. The first stop is a lingerie store. Cait says she thinks there’s some wild things going on in Dubuque. They go out to eat and Cait suggests sampling “mountain oysters” (i.e. bull testicles), but that idea is vetoed.

A local trans representative sits down with them and they discuss the evening’s casino event. The girls are going to be dealers for the night. Kate says this is a good way for people to experience meeting their first transgender person and see that they’re sweet.

A 13-year-old girl tells Cait she’s having trouble coming out and Cait gives some wise advice that’s probably true for everyone. Surround yourself with positive people who want the best for you and if anyone gives you trouble, tell them to get the hell out.

Back on the bus, Kate says they’ll be going to the Democratic debates, and says she doesn’t want the firestorm they had before. She says there will be a lot of young people of both parties there and they want to set a good example. She says “God bless America” will be the “safe” word and if someone hears it, they should check themselves for being too aggressive. Candis is afraid that Cait won’t be able to meet in the middle about her political debates and is afraid she’ll go off on a rant’

The ladies go to Drake University where the debate is being held. It’s also where Cait ran her first decathlon as Bruce. It must be weird, going back to the old places. Zackary says Cait’s conservative politics are of concern to all of them, irritating me. Because everyone has to think the same. There are surprisingly few people at the debate. Cait tries to talk to Kate about Bernie Sander’s policies and Kate God bless Americas the crap out of her. Kate gives her a B+ for listening and communication.

Afterwards. the moderator asks for opinions and points out Cait in particular. She says that transitioning was a cakewalk until people found out she was a Republican. Aren’t we even getting to meet Hilary? Oh, here she is. Caitlyn comes up to Hilary to say hello and introduces the group. Zachary says all of them were star struck, but I dunno about that. Cait says she thought Hilary was “sweet.” That’s probably the only time we’ll ever hear that word in connection with her. Bill Clinton comes in behind, where Hilary makes him walk, and takes a picture with the girls.

The girls go out for dessert. Ella texted a football player she knows from the school, who she wants to get together with. Cait says that she treated Hilary with respect and wants the girls to treat the people at the school with the same respect.

Here’s something else I think. Obviously, Cait has a celebrity status the majority of the population, trans or otherwise, doesn’t, so maybe she’s not the greatest example for the trans community. However, if those same things make people more comfortable with the issues and more willing to be open-minded, why fight that? Erin Brochovich wasn’t afraid to use her femininity to get to the bottom of that drinking water case. Amirite?

Cait says she never wore heels at Graceland, and she’s kind of nervous. She meets her old coaches. She wondered what they’re reaction was going to be and it looks like it’s pretty normal and they’re still proud of her. Ella says she’s not going to be able to talk on stage. She meets her friend, Michael, from high school. The other guy who was supposed to come is AWOL. Candis is bummed, but gives full kudos for Michael. He joins Ella and the girls for lunch. The ladies ask Michael how he felt when he first saw Ella after her transition and he answers appropriately that he was in awe of her gorgeousity.

It’s time for the assembly and the ladies take their places on stage. The professor moderating says there are no wrong questions. The first one is about balancing religion with being a trans person. There is mic drop silence from the girls and Chandi says she’ll take it.

Chandi says that she was told her life was an abomination and lost touch with God. She says she realized that God knew who she was going to be before she was born and she reconnected and now will never let that connection go. Kate says look for the heart of the doctrine you’re following, and if it’s mean, think twice about following it. Sadly, her daughter is high up in the Church of Scientology and she hasn’t seen her daughter since she was nine, because she’s considered evil. They talk about things like pronouns and what it means to be a woman. Ella says she’s the same person she was before the transition, and I go, ahem, thinking about them not allowing Cait that same grace.

One of the kids asks how happy they are. Cait talks about not knowing who she was. Now she’s excited about life, but there was a lot of struggle first. Jenny says it was Cait’s turn to be worried about what they would say, but everyone was respectful and eloquent. I agree. Everyone is proud of everyone.

Cait says that no matter what your situation is, you can live an authentic life. It’s about dealing with all of our stuff, not just trans issues. Candis apologizes for being too hard on Cait and says she’ll be more open to her conservative views. Cait says they’ll have plenty of time.

Next week, Candis flirts with her trainer, and Cait meets with Scott.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta — The Reunion, Part Two

Because some new shows started tonight, I couldn’t watch my line-up without something overlapping. I chose to miss the first half of this one, since Once Upon A Time doesn’t repeat and I didn’t want to lose any of I Am Cait. I think those girls have more important things to say than these girls. So we join our program already in progress.

Dylan is there, but gets the bum’s rush before he gets a chance to say much. Andy asks Phaedra about getting her groove back after Apollo going to prison. We flash back to various Phaedra scenes, many with the kids, and of course the visit to the prison. Andy asks about the visit part we didn’t see. Phaedra says she thought it would be more emotional with the kids, but it really wasn’t. She talks about Apollo not wanting the divorce. Andy asks about them going back and Phaedra isn’t too keen on it and talks about some weirdness in the room during the visit and also that the kids got pretty bored after about an hour and it wasn’t like they could just leave.

Phaedra says she’s glad that’s over with, so people can mind their own business. Andy stirs the pot by asking is it anyone in particular. She throws some shade at Kandi, but Kandi says that she just finds it sad that Dylan doesn’t know his dad and one day Apollo will be out of prison, so they need a relationship. Kandi says she has to be honest about the pros and cons as a friend. Phaedra says none of the guys who were his friends have ever checked on the kids seeing if they need a male role model. Cynthia says that she’s told Phaedra she’ll be there if she needs her. It looks to me like Phaedra freezes people out and then gets pissed when they’re not asking if she needs help all the time.

They talk about Phaedra’s boys and it is a little sad. Phaedra talks about them always being her babies and when Aiden said he was afraid, it broke her heart.

Porsha is asked about her strange on-camera relationships. Porsha says she’s not in a relationship with Oliver (the latest), but they speak every day. They move on to the Miami trip. We go back to Kenya asking that weird guy to leave. They talk again about how Porsha and Phaedra acted like Kenya was labeling him as a Black man. It turns out even the president of Black Lives Matter tweeted Porsha and told her to knock it off. Kenya says that the dude had an aggressive and threatening manner toward women, so it wasn’t exactly an example to be setting. Kim said it was more awkward than aggressive and wonders why Kenya didn’t ask security to remove him. Kenya says she went to Tammy first. She says that it turns out the guy also had been involved in unsavory activities.

It’s brought up that it was Kenya who invited him back to the house. She says yes, but with Tammy. Phaedra says it was a case of Kenya wanting him, but him not being receptive. I disagree. The tape shows how aggressive he was and if he hadn’t been and Kenya was interested, she would have just not taken no for an answer, not asked him to leave.

Kandi comes to Kenya’s defense, saying the guy had no right to behave the way he did. She said Kenya did nothing wrong and she can’t believe they all think it was okay. Cynthia admits that had it been anyone else, it wouldn’t have been a big deal. Kandi says at the end of the day, Kenya does some crazy stuff, but regardless of whether you like her or not or what she said was right or not, the guy shouldn’t have behaved the way he did.

Next week, The Reunion, Part Three, Nene shows up in a barely there outfit, Porsha’s violence is called out, and the men join the ladies.

The Real Housewives of Potomac

No reunion yet? How is this show is still on???

Robyn meets Gizelle for lunch. Gizelle toasts to new beginnings. She asks if Juan told Robyn about their conversation. She thinks they should figure out what the end result of their relationship is going to be. Robyn says the “ingredients” are there, but she’s not sure if she wants to be open again. She says if Juan takes an out-of-state job, it will force them to make a decision. Gizelle thinks it’s important for the children as well.

Katie meets with her friend Tia. They talk about Andrew a little and Katie moves on to Karen’s “gala.” Katie says it was more like a cocktail party. Agreed.

At Karen’s house, a family cookout is being planned. Karen says it’s the first time in 19 years that they’ll be alone. She and Ray talk about the gala that wasn’t. Ray asks her about the altercation at the end. Karen says Ashley tried to out-queen her and that wasn’t going to happen. Talk about exaggeration. Jealous much?

Katie and Tia talk about Gizelle. Katie says other than dressing like a prostitute and acting bitchy, Gizelle is a nice person. Better duck. That shade is being pulled down.

Ashley picks up her mother, Sheila, for lunch. Sheila bought a house and had to sue the previous owner. She won the suit, but the amount wasn’t enough to cover everything, so she had to declare bankruptcy. Ashley and Michael want to buy Sheila a new home, but Sheila thinks it’s too big of a gift. Ashley says she’s in the position to do it and she wants to. Sheila says she never wants to be her burden. Ashley says that’s not the case. I say, geez, they have a skabillion dollars, take the house. And pick out a nice house. In her individual interview, Ashley says it’s bizarre that Karen doesn’t want Ashley around her daughter, since she actually makes a pretty good role model.

Charrisse is turning 50 and she says it’s going to be a new Charrisse. She’s going to have a slide show of her pictures during her party. Not too egotistical. Katie comes over to give her modeling tips for her birthday photo shoot. Charrisse says she’s having the party at the Carnegie Library. Her husband can’t make the party, but I don’t think she cares a whole lot.

It’s Rayvin’s going away party and Karen is getting ready with last minute stuff. She’s about to put her feet up for a second, when the bartender shows up, who Karen had no idea was hired by her husband. Spousal communication is a universal problem. She tells Ray he made her look like an idiot and he tells her not to sweat the small stuff.

All the relatives and friends gather in Karen’s backyard for some barbecue. Karen cries on Ray’s shoulder in the kitchen because she’s having a hard time letting go.

Gizelle sits her girls down for a family meeting. She says she’s been dating a little and she wants to talk to them about it. She asks them how they feel about her dating. I suppose the chant of “get a boyfriend” answers that question. Charrisse drops by with her dogs. They chat in the kitchen. Gizelle asks if Eddie is coming to the birthday party. Charrisse says she’d love for him to be there, but it is what it is. She also says the party is totaling around 80 grand, so maybe it’s good he’s not around.

Robyn meets Juan for lunch. Juan wants to be a head coach, but has to work his way up. Robyn asks about the out-of-state job. He says nothing is going on with that yet, and Robyn is relieved.

Charrisse’s birthday is upon us. I’m speechless. I don’t even know what to say about the slide show, giant cake and a billion balloons. Katie says Karen should take note on event planning and I have to agree with that. She also says it’s kind of like a wedding and I have to agree there too. A sad wedding. With just a bride.

Ashley says hello to Karen, who can’t brush her off fast enough. She asks the girls how she became the bad guy all of a sudden. In a moment of the pot calling the kettle black, Gizelle says Ashley can be a bit of a dum-dum. Karen says she doesn’t have time for Ashley’s shenanigans tonight. Gizelle wants them to talk, but doesn’t get anywhere. Ashley catches Karen in the hall and asks if they can talk, but Karen says no, she’s there to enjoy the evening with her husband. In her individual interview, Karen says Ashley doesn’t belong in this world. Does anyone? Ashley is kind of like a persistent puppy and somewhat annoying, but on the other hand, I just don’t see what the big deal is here. I usually don’t when it comes to Karen, who makes it up as she goes along.

Charrisse makes a costume change. Her daughter makes a little speech and it’s very sweet. A reasonably sized cake comes out. Charrisse does some rapping and her father looks less than impressed.

Michael grabs Andrew’s behind. Why? Who knows. Ashley says he’s just being silly. What’s really weird is, Michael and Andrew are talking and having a drink, while the ladies are discussing it. Gizelle asks if butt-grabbing is a white thing. For whatever reason Ashley thought Robyn and Gizelle were bi-racial and they get all offended. Then they go back to more butt-grabbing talk. Zzzzz….

Katie tells Andrew about the discussion. Katie says Robyn and Gizelle seem fixated about how Black they are, and are the most obsessed with race.

Ashley says something to Michael about the butt-grabbing being a white thing and jokes that it is. Ashley says she’s grabbed everyone’s butt except Karen’s. I don’t think I’ve ever grabbed a friend’s butt. Charrisse is happy with her $80,000 party, so that’s all that really matters.

Perhaps Michael has had too much to drink because he gets teary-eyed over how lucky he is to be married to Ashley.

Next week, we still can’t get rid of them, the girls go horseback riding, Ashley wants a baby, and Andrew goes on a golf trip without Katie.

March 25, 2016 — Double the GH & Quadruple Couch Quotes

Standard

What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital — Thursday

Maxie and Nathan are getting busy. Maxie suddenly says she knows the truth about Claudette and she hates him. It’s just a dream.

IRL, Maxie tells Griffin she has a proposition for him.

Parker shows up at Alexis’s house. Kristina tells her to leave and Parker says it’s not that simple.

Hayden goes to Diane’s office and sees Nicholas sitting there.

Laura finds Elizabeth on the laptop and asks why she’s so upset.

Griff asks how Maxie’s ankle is and she says she didn’t even have to swear off heels for 24 hours. She tells him about the success of the real woman Crimson issue. She says it looks like the real men issue will be a go. He says he already told her that’s not his thing. She asks what’s up with him and why he’s being chilly. He says it’s because of her boyfriend.

Michael goes to Anna’s house and asks if there are any leads on Carrrlos. She says she doesn’t have anything. Michael is concerned that Anna might be tempted to use deadly force where Carrrlos is concerned.

Nicholas says Diane was filling him in, but Hayden can do a better job. Diane says Hayden assured her she was acting on Nicholas’s behalf and she was surprised to find out he had no knowledge of the ELQ transfer to her name, or that he would be against the idea. Nicholas asks to speak with Hayden alone. Hayden tells Nicholas she can explain, and he says he bets she can’t.

Lulu and Laura talk to Elizabeth about Helena’s will. Laura says all of her bequests had a riddle attached. Elizabeth says she hopes Laura tossed the key away, but Laura says she’s done some investigating and hopes to find out what it means.

Kristina asks why Parker is the one who’s married, yet she keeps showing up at Kristina’s door? Parker tells her about Max sniffing around and that it’s making her nervous. Kristina says she put a stop to it, so Parker has nothing to worry about. Parker says Kristina apparently hasn’t told her parents about her feelings and asks if she’s still struggling. Kristina asks why Parker just doesn’t admit she hates her, but Parker says far from it.

Griff says something about avoiding beautiful women and that he stays away from what he can’t have. I totally don’t get any of what he’s telling Maxie.

Anna says Carrrlos was with a woman at the last sighting, and she supposes it was Sabrrrina. .Michael says he tried calling her, but hasn’t heard back, so he assumes she’s still with Carrrlos. He’s concerned that Sabrrrina is being coerced into staying with him.

Laura tells the girls about her research on the key. Lulu says whatever it opens, she doesn’t want what’s inside. Elizabeth agrees and is thinking maybe Jake never needs to see the book Helena left either. Laura says she’s aware the key might open something horrible.

Nicholas says if the documents are executed, Hayden gets ELQ and can do what she wants with it. She says everything she did was for him and she can prove it.

Anna says every time she feels like she’s getting her bearings again, new information comes in. She says she’ll give Michael all the non-confidential information she has. He says they all would have been better off if someone had killed Carrrlos while they had the chance.

Michael leaves and runs into Griffin on the porch. Anna says he’s right on time and she has tea. He says she seems upset.

Nathan comes to the hospital and Maxie tells him about her conversation with Griffin and how he seemed to be holding something back.

Hayden says she had the papers drawn up in case the Quartermaines win the lawsuit. She says she was picking them up, but only his signature would have made them valid. He says her strategy is brilliant, but wonders why she kept the documents a secret. She says they all have their secrets and the beginning of their marriage was chaotic. She thought she’d wait until it was necessary for him to sign them. He says you can never be too prepared and thanks her for her concern and ability to think ahead. She says if it wasn’t because of the documents, why was he at Diane’s? He says to change his will.

Laura says not every encounter with Helena is toxic and she needs this final closure. Lulu asks where she’d even start looking and Laura says she has a good idea.

Parker says she was angry because Kristina threatened her career and marriage, but she never hated her. She wanted to reach out to her after the wedding and make sure she was okay. Kristina says it sounds like Parker really cares and she says she does. Kristina says Parker is giving her mixed messages and asks why Parker won’t leave her alone.

Maxie says Griff intimated that he found her attractive and didn’t want to be near what he couldn’t have. Oooh, I’m getting this now. Nathan says it’s his last day of medical restrictions. Maxie says he should be in bed and he says that’s what he was thinking. They leave.

Griff says he read that Duke was running Sonny’s organization when he died. Anna says that’s true and shows him a photo album. They go through the photos. Griff says they both look very happy. He says Anna must have had some conflict, being in law enforcement. She says their love was stronger than their differences and at the end, thought they should be together no matter what. They were about to leave town and she was meeting him at the pier at midnight. She starts to cry and tells Griff how she found Duke.

Laura says she’s starting in the attic and Lulu freaks out. She says she shouldn’t face what Helena left her by herself, so Lulu is going with her. Laura asks why Elizabeth is so quiet. Elizabeth says sometimes it’s better to know the truth even if it’s painful, which isn’t an answer. Lulu says they’ll leave a trail of bread crumbs.

They go upstairs and Elizabeth gets back on the laptop.

Nicholas says because of the prenup, if anything happens to him, Hayden won’t get what he feels she should. She asks if finding out about the papers has changed anything. He says no and they hug. Diane comes in and says it’s a better outcome than she thought it was going to be. Hayden says she’s leaving to let them conclude their business, and she’s leaving the papers. I’m not sure if I’m buying what Nicholas is saying though.

Griff says he’s glad Duke was trying to get out of the mob when he died. Anna says it was a difficulty for him, wanting to do the right thing, yet wanting the excitement and not trusting the law. Anna says he was a good man and she loved him with all her heart. She wishes he was there to meet Griffin and that he’d be over the moon to know he had a son. She says she wants there to be closure as far as Carrrlos goes, but there is none. Griff says real peace comes from forgiveness, but Anna says she could never forgive Carrrlos because he had no remorse. Griff says forgiveness is a gift from God. She says it’s a lovely sentiment, but doesn’t apply to her.

Lulu asks if Nicholas feels a Cassadine obligation to keep the attic as creepy and ominous as possible. It’s cobwebby and crowded with stuff. Amazingly, Laura finds a trunk in like two seconds.

Diane asks if Nicholas needs anything else from her. He asks what Hayden told her when the documents were originally drawn up. She confirms what Hayden said, and that it’s an effective strategy providing you trust the person you’re dealing with. She tells him not to sign the documents if he’s having any doubts about Hayden.

Hayden comes back to Windemere. She tells Elizabeth she should be packing, because when Nicholas gets home, he’s going to show her the door. Elizabeth says the only one leaving is Hayden, and she’s not coming back.

Parker asks Kristina if she needs to talk and Kristina tells her to just leave. Kristina says she doesn’t know who she is or what she wants, and Parker showing up just makes things worse. They kiss. Well, that’s not going to help anything.

Michael talks to Felix, who says since Sabrrrina had the baby, she hasn’t been communicative. Michael says Carrrlos is alive and Sabrrrina is with him. Felix says he should have realized what was going on. Michael says there has to be a way to find them and he has some ideas.

Maxie and Nathan are basking in the afterglow. She asks Nathan if he was jealous of her talking about Griffin. He says maybe a little. She says a little jealousy can be attractive.

Anna says she doesn’t want to talk about the bad stuff, she just wanted to share memories of Duke with Griff. He asks if there’s anything she wants to unburden herself of and she says he asks too many questions, and who is he really?

Nicholas tells Diane they’ll leave the will as is for now.

Elizabeth asks Hayden who she really is and calls her Rachel Berlin.

Laura puts the key in the trunk lock.Voila! It’s a fit.

Tomorrow, Nicholas confronts Elizabeth and Hayden, Kristina questions Parker’s motives and Carrrlos makes an appearance.

General Hospital — Friday

Griff says he knows pain and grief when he sees it and he thought Anna could find some peace in talking about it.

Carrrlos calls Paul. All Paul wants to hear is that Carrrlos is coming back to Port Charles.

Sonny brings Epiphany some flowers. She says she’s mad as hell about him lying to his family.

Parker steps back and says this can’t happen.

Elizabeth says everyone knows who Rachel Berlin is. She and her father were all over the media, along with the financial scandal. Elizabeth says she knows Hayden is Rachel, and Nicholas is going to know too.

Lulu reminds Laura of Pandora’s Box and how it unleashed all the evils into the world. Laura says there was hope at the bottom though. She opens the trunk.

Kristina says talk about mixed signals and I agree. Parker says the kiss wasn’t why she came there. Kristina asks if Parker likes seeing her embarrass herself. Parker says she needs to figure out her feelings in her own time. Kristina says Parker didn’t land on her porch by accident and she must have wanted something to happen between them. Again I agree. She could have just called.

Epiphany says she bets Carly was mighty pissed about Sonny lying. Sonny confirms that. He thanks Epiphany for keeping his secret. She says she had no choice because of staff/patient confidentiality. Sonny says he thought it was because she liked him. Epiphany says Sonny flatters himself and she got into trouble with Dr. Monroe. He’d asked for a patient evaluation and could probably tell in 10 seconds that Sonny could walk.

Paul says the deal remains the same. Carrrlos comes back to Port Charles and testifies against Julian in exchange for immunity.

Anna tells Griff if he’s thrown in with Paul, he’s made a mistake. Griff says there’s no conspiracy going on. Anna throws out some theories, but Griff says he’s who he says he is and he wants her to run a DNA test. He wants Anna to trust him.

Lulu says all that’s in the trunk is a book. It’s a textbook. An introduction to law enforcement and criminal justice that belonged to Scotty.

Hayden says fine, but she’ll tell Nicholas. Elizabeth doesn’t trust her. She begs Elizabeth to let her handle it. Nicholas comes in and asks what’s going on.

Griff gives Anna the teacup he was drinking out of. Griff says he’s sorry she thought he was trying to get her to confess something. He says it’s clear that something is weighing heavy on her. He says she should try to find a way to forgive herself.

Paul says there’s nothing pretty about life on the run. Carrrlos says it’s his life. Paul says he can be free if he comes back. Carrrlos says the only way he and his family can be safe is if he stays away. He adds that Sonny would like to dance on his grave.

Griff is late for his appointment with Sonny. Epiphany says that he’s usually conscientious and must have a good reason. Sonny balks at her making an excuse for anyone and asks if she’s in love. She says the only one she loves is Milo.

Lulu asks what the connection is between Scotty and Helena. Laura says Scotty has no connection to Helena, other than handling her will. She says Scotty was in law school when they were first married. She bought him all kinds of law books and ended up getting them in the ditch financially. Lulu asks what she did to get them out, and Laura says she took a job at the disco…where she met Luke.

Hayden says Elizabeth is still in love with Nicholas and trying to spin lies. After some argument, Elizabeth says that Hayden’s name is really Rachel Berlin and her father is the infamous Raymond Berlin, who bilked his clients out of millions. Nicholas asks Hayden if it’s true.

Hayden says yes. Nicholas says her father isn’t dead then. Hayden says that he did have a heart attack, but recovered. He says she told him her mother was dead too. Hayden says she wanted nothing to do with them, so they were dead to her. She says she did everything she could to escape her reputation. Nicholas says she also escaped prosecution for her part in her father’s crimes. I’m re-hating Elizabeth right now.

Lulu says the treasure hunt is over. Laura says she wants to stop playing games with a dead woman and throws down the book. Lulu sees something fall out of it.

Parker says she is attracted to Kristina, but she loves her wife, and being attracted to someone doesn’t mean you have to act on it. She says she realizes how Kristina must have felt led on, and she should have called instead. She says Kristina has to figure out what it is she wants. Kristina says she wants Parker. (You go, Glen Coco!)

Carrrlos says Anna and Paul want him dead. Paul says Anna would rather see Julian in jail. Carrrlos says Paul has already proven he can kill, despite what Sloane had done, and he wants to stay far away from him. Paul asks why he called, and Carrrlos says his payment is late. He tells Paul he’d better get the money asap and to say hello to Anna for him.

Anna knocks at Paul’s door and asks if he’s any closer to finding Carrrlos.

Griff shows up at the hospital. He tells Sonny sorry he’s late, but he was talking about Duke to Anna. Sonny says Anna usually doesn’t open up about her personal life. Griff said she probably made an exception because he’s Duke’s son.

Kristina says up until she met Parker, she thought she knew who she was. When they clicked, she couldn’t stop thinking about her. She says the labels don’t matter. All she knows is that she wants to be with Parker. Parker says it’s all the more reason. She’s probably had feelings for women before, and Parker is safe because she’s unattainable. She says she’s sorry for all of it and Kristina should explore that side of herself without fear and shame. And without her.

Griff tells Sonny about the DNA test. Sonny brings up how they first met and how easy it was to talk to Griff. He tells Griff what a wonderful guy Duke was and that’s probably where he gets it from.

Anna tells Paul about how she thought Griff was trying to get her to confess something. She says nothing with Carrrlos has been resolved and she feels that it’s making her paranoid. She says she’s going to use her own resources to bring Carrrlos in.

Laura says she’s giving in. Lulu says she might want to rethink that and shows her the book. An old wrist corsage is sticking out of it. Laura says it’s from a formal she went to with Scotty. Lulu asks if anything unusual or special happened. Laura says no, except it was the last happy time in their marriage. Laura says they were young and in love, but it was before Helena, so why would she point Laura in hat direction?

Nicholas says Rachel’s clients want restitution. Elizabeth says Hayden reinvented herself so she could hang on to the money. Hayden says she lost everything and did what she could to survive. Elizabeth said she could have gone anywhere. Hayden says she was in Beecher’s Corners when Rick approached her about pretending to be Jake Doe’s wife. She says she couldn’t pass up the money. Nicholas says she must have been very happy to meet him, a prince who’s loaded.

Laura thinks there must be something else in the trunk. Lulu says what if there’s another key and another lock and another trunk and it keeps going. She says who knows what Helena meant by “you’ll find what you lost.” It could be like Rosebud from Citizen Kane. Laura finds nothing else and starts to thumb through the book.

Hayden tells Nicholas they should talk alone. Nicholas says no wonder she had the papers drawn up. He asks if she was going to use ELQ to pay back the clients or ingratiate herself back into the financial world. She says she had no clue what her father was doing. Nicholas says even if that’s true, why didn’t she just tell him instead of letting Elizabeth figure it out? Hayden says that she was afraid the marriage would be over before it began.

Paul asks if she’s willing to sacrifice everything to put Julian and Carrrlos behind bars. She says she wants justice for Duke and doesn’t care if she loses her own freedom in the process.

Sonny says Duke would have been hella proud that he had a son. Griff says it wasn’t in God’s plan. Sonny says God had nothing to do with it, that Carrrlos shot him. Griff says he’s going to tell Sonny the same thing he told Anna; he should forgive the man who killed Griff’s father.

Anna says there’s no guarantee anything Paul will do is going to help. She says he has his own best interests at heart and she can’t allow her own desire for freedom to get in the way of justice anymore. She tells Paul they’re done and leaves.

Paul calls someone and says he has a juicy tip, but they didn’t hear it from him. He says the PCPD made a mistake identifying Carrrlos’s body and he’s still alive.

Griff says he’s been angry and he let bitterness fester in his blood until he realized forgiveness would set him free. He says violence isn’t going to bring Sonny peace or honor Duke. He says to leave Carrrlos in God’s hands and rise above revenge.

Kristina asks what she’s supposed to do with her feelings. Parker says part of Kristina’s confusion is because of her, but because she’s not attainable, not because she’s a woman. She says sexuality is just part of the extraordinary woman Kristina is becoming. They hug and Parker says good-by.

Laura sees letters circled throughout the book. Lulu says what if it’s even more complicated and it’s encrypted. Laura says she’ll figure it out and now she has all the pieces of the puzzle.

Elizabeth puts in her two cents and Hayden asks her to gloat in another room. She tells Nicholas to be careful and leaves. Hayden says she was ashamed and humiliated and needed to be someone else. She says all she wanted, and still wants, from Nicholas is to love and be loved. She says the one big truth is that no matter who she is, she loves him. Oh come on, Nicholas.

Tomorrow, Elizabeth tells Laura all hell is breaking loose, Nicholas wonders what else Hayden is lying about, and Paul wants to renew his relationship with Ava.

The People’s Couch Quotes of the Week

Every time I see his head, I think it’s computer generated. — Budd, referring to Todd Chrisley on Chrisley Knows Best.

The blonde always wins. — Brandy, referring to The Bachelor.

Is this The Bachelorette or The Bachelor? — Sue, referring to The Bachelor. I think.

If he’s this torn, how is he gonna decide? Is he gonna have a talent show? — Mackenna, referring to The Bachelor.

March 23, 2016 — GH, Little Reunion, Little Women & Little Family

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What I Watched Today
(rambling, random thoughts & recaps from today’s real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Kristina writes in her journal. She writes about Molly — telling her if she’s reading it to stop — saying that she’s glad to have someone to tell about Parker. Sonny drops by with an apology.

Obrecht says she’s been proven correct because Finn disappeared. Tracy suggests they get Obrecht fired before the next set of rounds, and asks Monica to find Finn — stat.

Carly hears a scream and a maid comes running out of one of the rooms, saying she’s not going in there again. It’s Finn’s room. I’m guessing she saw the iguana.

Nicholas is at Kelly’s. Laura comes by. They talk about the will reading. Laura says she’s looking for answers and thinks Nicholas should too.

Hayden calls Diane. She wants to know if the ELQ papers are ready. She says Nicholas wants to sign them and to text her when they’re ready. She types Naomi Dreyfus in the search engine of her phone. Elizabeth suddenly appears asking who Naomi is.

Hayden says she doesn’t know what kind of barn she was raised in, but she needs to learn manners, considering she’s a freeloader.

Laura says there was nothing random about Helena and he knows she must have had a plan. Nicholas says she left him the painting because she wants to torture his thoughts for life. Laura asks why he thinks she didn’t leave any of her money to him. He says he’s not going to give Helena a victory lap by concentrating on it and he wins by ignoring it. Laura says she wants to know what the key is.

Obrecht says at best Finn can be considered unorthodox. Tracy says he’s the one who was able to diagnose her and it’s in Obrecht and the hospital’s best interest to get him back immediately. Obrecht apparently knows more about lizards than I do, because she mentions that Roxie is a bearded dragon.

Carly says she wanted to welcome Finn to the hotel herself. He’s obviously looking for Roxie. He tells Carly the maid must have seen her. Carly says he checked in alone. He tells her Roxie is a service animal. Carly says they welcome service dogs. He says she’s a service lizard and orders a plain salad to lure her out. Carly notices how much he looks like Silas. He says he can assure her he’s not him.

Sonny tells Kristina he was too hard on her and it’s been bothering him. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but it broke his heart to see her cry and no matter what happened, he couldn’t love her more. Kristina hugs him and thanks him. She says he shouldn’t feel guilty; it was her own bad decision. He says he knows it must have been difficult to tell them, and he made it worse by being angry. He says he wasn’t really disappointed in her, but in himself for his reaction.

Sonny says she made a bad decision, but it takes two to tango and wonders what the professor did to let her think sex would be an option. Kristina says she just wants it to be over. Sonny says it’s too late, since he kind of did something already by sending Max to find out who the professor is.

An orderly comes in and has medication for Tracy. According to the chart, Monica ordered it.

Finn asks if the owner always greets the guests personally. Carly says she was just trying to make up for things with the health department closing them down. Finn asks if he should be concerned and Carly tells him what happened with Olivia. Finn says, hmm, a woman can be arrested for breastfeeding in Port Charles, but a service lizard is considered strange. Carly asks what Roxie does for him. He says it’s illegal to ask that question (learned something new today), but since she brought champagne and has had her own legal troubles lately, he won’t press charges.

Nicholas says Helena would be happy to see them running around like fools, trying to figure things out. He says her machinations only work if you believe in them. Laura brings up the curse and says who’s to say that it didn’t work. She tells him she took the key to an antiques expert and it’s from 19th century Russia, probably to a steamer trunk or valise. Nicholas says there’s probably a dozen trunks in the attic at Windemere and who knows where else, and it’s possible she’s left Laura a key to nothing.

Hayden says Elizabeth is nothing to Nicholas. She calls him her friend, but he’s really a fall-back plan. She doesn’t want him to find someone else in case she needs him. Elizabeth says it’s only a matter of time before they figure out what Hayden is trying to hide.

Finn finds Roxie behind Carly. Carly asks if she bites. Finn says only if she’s frightened or threatened or maybe if you’re a woman, since she’s a guy’s lizard. He tells Carly not to move. Silas catches Roxie and puts her back in her tank. I like seeing Michael Easton in this role.

Kristina says she doesn’t need Sonny making things worse. He says he thinks there’s something she’s not telling him, but she says she’s just humiliated. She says just because she’s a girl, she doesn’t need him to rescue her. She says she’s an adult and it’s her problem to fix. Sonny says he’s always going to want to be her hero, but if she wants to fix things herself, go ahead. He says she’s going to call Max though. Whose number she knows by heart. She calls Max and tells him to back off. She says she appreciates it, but she and Sonny came to an agreement.

Laura says she’s going to check the steamer trunks at Windemere, but she’s not going all over the globe. He says Helena wants her to believe it’s going to change her life. Laura says Helena wasn’t petty or frivolous, and she’s going to find out what the key means. She thinks he shouldn’t discount the painting either.

Hayden tells Elizabeth to focus on her brats and leave her and Nicholas alone. Elizabeth says she knows the truth is going to hurt Nicholas. Hayden tells her if she doesn’t back off, she’s going to have her kicked out. Elizabeth says if she makes Nicholas choose between them, she won’t like the answer. I dunno about that.

Carly says she can cross being introduced to a lizard off her bucket list. Finn says she likes Carly and Carly admits Roxie is cute. Carly leaves and Finn opens the champagne. He asks Roxie if she thinks they’re going to like their life in Port Charles.

Tracy reminds Obrecht she’s a board member and the Quartermaines have donated more money than anyone else. Obrecht agrees to give Finn temporary privileges. Tracy says it’s obvious she’s threatened by Finn and Monica. Obrecht says the conversation is counterproductive and leaves.Tracy thanks Monica for bringing Finn in.

Hayden says there’s no chance Nicholas would choose Elizabeth over his wife. Elizabeth brings up Nicholas hiring Sam and Hayden says he called the investigation off because he loves her. Elizabeth brings up the pre-nup. Hayden says Elizabeth tricked Jason into marrying her when he was married to someone else. Elizabeth says she could always find another place to live, but who would Hayden call if she got the boot? Naomi? I’m sure Hayden isn’t totally on the up and up, but I still like her a million times better than Elizabeth.

Kristina writes some more in her journal, mostly about her sexual confusion. She says she misses school, but doesn’t miss crushing on Parker, and that she must have seemed ridiculous. Parker, who has ESP, rings the bell.

Sonny tells Carly about his apology. She says Kristina must have been thrilled and he says, yeah, until he told her about Max. She asks how soon he called Max back and told him to keep digging. He says he thought about it, but didn’t do it. He says Kristina is like him, feisty, but vulnerable underneath. He says they had an honest conversation, she told him what she needed and he listened, and he feels like a good dad.

Carly fills him in on the whole hotel thing and tells him about Finn and Roxie. Sonny laughs about having a lizard as a service pet.

Monica calls Finn. She says they were surprised he left quickly, and he says he had to get Roxie settled. She asks if he’s available for another counsel. He says he’s planning on staying indefinitely. Monica says there will probably be bureaucratic red tape, but she and Tracy are high up. He says call back when she needs him.

Laura says she never listened to her mother’s opinions about her partners, so she doesn’t expect her kids to listen to hers. She says one day Spencer won’t listen to Nicholas either. He says he values her opinion even if he doesn’t agree, but wants to know what she’s afraid of where Hayden is concerned. Laura says she’s glad he has a good prenup. When she leaves, Nicholas makes a call and says he’s on his way.

Hayden’s phone rings and Elizabeth says if it’s Naomi, give her my best. It’s Diane and Hayden says she has to go. She says she doesn’t care how Elizabeth spins what happened, she’s telling Nicholas to get her and her boys out of the house. When she leaves, Elizabeth goes straight to the laptop to see what Hayden was searching for. The name Naomi Dreyfus-Berlin comes up and Elizabeth says omg.

Tomorrow, Hayden meets with Diane, Parker meets with Kristina, and Griff asks Anna what she won’t forgive.

Little Women: Atlanta — The Reunion

We are all glad to see the reunion is here at last. Because that means the first season of this show is finally over.

Terra is the hostess. She always looks fabulous and I have to say the Atlanta crowd is looking the best I’ve seen them. Maybe that’s because no one has their weave pulled out or a drink spilled on them. We start off with some flashbacks. There probably isn’t enough to talk about that would fill a whole hour.

Terra asks how it was watching the season. The only appropriate answer here would be embarrassing.

Minnie reaching out to her father for the DNA test is discussed. It’s tough on Minnie. Terra asks if she’s spoken to him and Minnie says yes, but he’s still at a distance and pushing her away. She says she’s forgiven him though, and if he wants a relationship, she’s game. I had a great dad, and something like this always bums me out.

Moving on to the rivalry between the Cheeks and the Tiny Twins. Emily talks about how she encouraged the twins to get out on the dance floor and how it backfired. Emily says it’s tough when the twins follow her and Bri to whatever club they’re working at.

Terra asks who started the rivalry. Emily says they had their own brand to begin with, and they aren’t trying to follow anyone else. We flash back to the altercations between the four girls. This reunion isn’t even a fresh hell; it’s the same one we’ve been in for weeks. More talk about who did what first. Terra asks why they felt the need to get physical. One of the twins says if she gets touched, she’ll touch back. Bri says that’s a good way to get killed. Alrighty then.

They talk about Minnie’s pseudo-boyfriend, Pastor Troy, and I get ready for them to belabor the point that Minnie lied. Minnie says she felt like a third wheel since everyone else was in a relationship. She was hoping Troy would go along with it. Terra asks if they were ever more than friends. Terra says social media has said she might be pregnant with his baby.

Minnie says, yes, she’s pregnant. Monie says it’s the first time she’s hearing about it in person. Terra says it’s hard to trust someone who’s lied to you. Emily says she got no response when she tried to contact Minnie. Terra asks Minnie why she didn’t talk to anyone. Terra asks if it’s Troy’s baby and Minnie says TMZ never lies. What planet does she live on? After Terra asks several more times, Minnie says it’s Troy’s baby. Terra asks if she’s still single and Minnie says no comment. Terra says she didn’t come here for no comment and Minnie says there’s no ring on it, so she’s still single.

Miss Juicy joins the group. She’s wearing a tiara because she’s the queen of Atlanta. According to her. Miss Juicy wonders how you can get pregnant from a…never mind. Minnie tells Juicy she should stop thinking so much about her and stay in her own lane. I actually like that one. Juicy pulls out a pregnancy test. These women are whackjobs. She even unwrapped it. Gross.

Juicy and Minnie argue about who is the more original. Juicy talks about the lies Minnie has told and thinks she should pee on the stick. Much discussion happens and if someone says “pee on the stick” one more time, I’m going to scream. Monie looks tired.

We see Juicy’s “juiciest moments,” which is a matter of opinion. We revisit her crashing Minnie’s birthday party. Monie gets upset about having gone after Juicy and it sounds like she has an ongoing problem with going after the wrong person. Juicy actually blows it off saying she was only upset about her hair and probably would have done the same thing.

Juicy asks what’s going to happen in nine months when there’s no baby. Minnie says Juicy can hold her legs when she delivers. Monie asks again if she’s pregnant by Pastor Troy and Minnie says yes.

Pastor Troy is introduced.

Commercial break. Little Women: New York begins in May. They can’t even get through a commercial without bleeping some words.

Terra asks if Troy ever dated Minnie. He says they never formally dated and Terra asks if he was annoyed that she lied. He says a lot of his fans lie. Terra asks if he’s seen Minnie’s “goodies,” which he calls going to the mini market. When it comes to whether it’s his baby or not, he says he’s not the only rapper Minnie deals with, and they’ll have to wait and see, adding that he doesn’t kiss and tell. Monie thinks he should be tending to Minnie and asking if she wants some water. What is she? A camel? Emily asks flat out if he had sex with her without protection, but he just keeps dancing around the question.

Terra thanks Troy and Juicy. Bye!

We flash back over the various relationships the girls have with their useless boyfriends. I kind of like Morlin. He’s the only one who isn’t living off his girlfriend and actually seems to care.

Emily says it’s not really fair because only one side is being shown. Terra asks about Emily’s baby and she says the name is going to be Lontel Jenard Something Junior. Bri says she and Wooda (shooda cooda) are talking and working it out. Ugh!

Terra moves on toe Andrea. Last we saw, she and Chris had moved into their own place. Things don’t sound like they’re going well.

Maybe it’s the heat in the south, but it just seems like the LA and NYC little women can do things like form a sentence and have real jobs, whereas this group can barely spell their own names. That’s if they know their names. I have the sneaking suspicion they probably confuse each other the same way I confuse them.

Okay, I guess things are going better than it sounded because Andrea is pregnant and she says Chris is excited. She says if anyone wants her to pee on a test [sic], she will. Andrea says he’s being more involved with the pregnancy than he was the first time around. Sigh.

They show some “unseen footage.” The scenes are actually fun, with the girls getting along and laughing. Terra asks if they believe little women should stick together and Emily says that they’re all little and pregnant now.

Terra announces that the show is back for another season. I already know what’s going to happen. I’ll forget why I hated it and start watching it again.

Little Women: LA: Terra’s Little Family

I love Terra and Joe, and I like that this is a mostly happy show. I need something to balance these table flipping wackadoos.

Penny is seven moths old now, so Terra and Joe are having her checked out and getting her vaccinations. They want to make sure she’s cleared for spinal decompression surgery. The pediatrician thinks Penny is looking good. Joe is holding out hope that Penny won’t need to be operated on.

Terra has a hard time dealing with Penny’s pain while she’s getting her shots and wonders how bad it’s going to be when she has surgery. The surgery is scheduled in three days and Terra’s brother has come to help. Beforehand, they’re doing family stuff. They go to a pumpkin patch and through a corn maze. Joe says he feels like he’s in The Shining.

They go to a petting zoo where they barter with goats in the universal language of all animals — food. It’s fun to watch Penny experience new things. Joe’s back is killing him and Terra encourages him to think about getting surgery himself. He says nagging really helps and I laugh. Joe has a great delivery.

Terra and her brother get their faces painted and it startles Penny, making her cry. Terra insists she’s just hungry, but Joe says yeah, hungry and frightened.

Terra and Joe meet with the doctor, who is an expert in dwarfism. He has an excellent bedside manner as well. He doesn’t mince words either and answers all of their questions honestly. The surgery Penny will be having is rare. The doctor says there is a risk of complication, but the surgery is a preventative measure. It’s very hard on Terra and Joe.

Terra visits Tracy, who is pregnant with an average sized child. Terra asks if Tracy has any concerns. Tracy says he’s going to be heavy. Terra talks about Penny’s surgery and gets choked up. Terra wants to have another baby and wonders if that’s the right decision. Joe is worried about another child having health issues.Tracy says she and Tonya have both had this type of surgery, and tells her that her surgeon is the best.

Terra says she’s trying to hide her true emotions from Penny, and wants her to only feel comforted and loved. They have to be at the hospital at 5 am. Terra says she’s not ready and she’s scared for Penny. She asks Joe if this is why he doesn’t want to have another child. He suggests they try in six months, but she’s afraid he’ll keep putting it off. He says he just wants Penny to be a little older.Joe asks why she’s in such a hurry. Terra says she enjoyed growing up with a brother.

She says she really just wants to take her mind off of what’s happening, and talks about the all the papers they had to sign and Joe says you have to sign them for a root canal, which is basically true.

Even though the show is a half hour, they always have two back-to-back episodes.

It’s surgery day. Terra says nothing can prepare you for your child having surgery. Joe says it’s been overwhelming and during Penny’s short life, she’s already had quite a bit of medical procedures. He jokes about one of her visits to the hospital being two shots, a prick and oral like their first date. Terra says although sometimes she wishes Joe took things more seriously, his sense of humor comes in handy.

Joe says it’s reminding him of his own surgeries as a kid, but it’s more difficult when it’s your own child. Terra says she’s cried in front of Penny and Penny picked up on it and cried herself, so she’s doing her best to stay positive. The doctor asks if there are any last minute questions. Terra asks if they’ll be able to hold her afterwards and the doctor says yes, she’ll be on medication and the nurse will show her what to do.

Terra says leaving her is the hardest part, and then the not knowing. While they’re in the waiting area, I just know they feel like time is at a standstill. Joe says Penny is in a dangerous place right now and he just wants her to be okay. They talk about deciding to be parents regardless of the knowledge that their children might have health problems. They pray.

Terra says the minutes feel like hours. She calls her mom. Terra’s mom is really cool. She’s like an old hippie and has a cat rescue. Terra explains that if this surgery isn’t helpful, Penny will need a shunt put in later. Her mom suggests they get some rest. Terra says talking to her mom is always a comfort. Joe says they have a lot of family support.

Terra says as much as it’s the best hospital and they have the best doctors doesn’t mean something can’t go wrong. She and Joe go to the cafe across the street to get a change of scenery. Joe says it’s the worst, you feel totally helpless, but can’t fall apart.

The hospital calls. Terra makes a shocked face, but isn’t saying anything. Joe mildly freaks. He says seeing her reaction without knowing what’s going on is making him think the worst. It turns out Penny is just going into surgery. They were having a hard time finding a vein for the anesthetic. I understand this because they have a hard time with me too. Joe says it sucks.Yes, it does. All that waiting and the surgery hasn’t even started. They go back to the hospital.

Joe says he isn’t going to be happy until he gets the all clear. It’s 10:30 am and Penny is still in surgery. The doctor comes in smiling. Everything went well. Even I’m smiling. He says Penny is doing just fine and the decompression has taken affect. He tells them she’s going to the ICU and they’ll be able to see her there.

Happiness and gratitude all around.

This season, Terra explains suppositories to Joe; Penny has another MRI and another potential surgery; baby number two is discussed; Joe might also be facing back surgery.

Little Women: LA

We’re still in Mexico. Jasmine is enthusiastic to show everyone the country, but she says not everyone is in a festive mood. That’s an understatement.

They go to some kind of ruins. It’s also raining. Briana says Ali is a breath of fresh air after the relationship beat down from Tonya. Briana says the only reason she’s still there is Jasmine.

Jasmine’s cousin, Victor, meets them at the ruins. They’re the only two little people in their family and come from an area in Mexico that has a large population with their type of dwarfism. Victor has gotten some pedi-cabs for them to ride in. Christy feels like, with Matt not around, she’s seeing her old friend, Briana, again.

They do some exploring. Tonya says Lil Boss do not walk in da mud, Jasmine talks to Ali and Briana. She asks how Briana liked the party last night. She says she wasn’t crazy about the stripper, but she had fun. She tells Jasmine about what Tonya told her, that there are some fake friends there who don’t support her marriage.

Ali says she talked to Tonya and Terra, who told her about Matt. Jasmine wonders why they’d tell Ali about Briana’s business. Ali said she wondered the same thing, since she didn’t bring it up.Briana says if it’s Christy, she has a good poker face. She says she’s going to confront the girls and if that’s how they feel, she wants them to go home.

The ladies go to a pyramid, the tallest ancient Myan structure in the Yukitan. There are about a skabillion stairs with a climb at your own risk sign. 122 steps and 144 feet up. There isn’t a chance in hell I’d climb it and I can’t believe these girls are going to try. My hat’s off to them, along with every other accessory. This isn’t an easy climb for a fitness guru and I’m already wondering how they’re getting down. And yes, there have been accidents there. Terra makes it to the top.

Christy decides to make an announcement that she and Todd are going to adopt. Briana says Christy announces this every five minutes and needs to be the center of attention. Elena figures who cares at this point, so she tells everyone she’s having twins. Christy is pissed that Elena stole her moment. She doesn’t get why no one cares, but it’s probably because they’ve heard this before.

Elena is glad she can now eat and wear what she wants. She asks Briana if she’s okay and Briana says she has mixed emotions. She says some of the girls are being dishonest. Right away, Terra and Tonya say they haven’t been dishonest. Terra says they’re always trying to figure out if Briana is telling the truth. She says she’s there for Briana, but not Matt. She doesn’t like him and says he disrespects women, Briana in particular.

Terra talks about Jasmine wanting them all to reconnect with Briana and how she was on board with that, but building a friendship takes two people, and it seems like Briana isn’t trying. She asks if Briana would have invited her if Jasmine hadn’t and Briana says no. Tonya points her finger at Christy and says she didn’t want to be there either. Great place to be acting like five-year-olds, in front of a Myan ruin.

Terra says Christy feels the same way they do. Christy is like, thanks a lot. Briana says she and Matt are a package deal now. Jasmine asks who told her about it and Briana says Ali spoke to her. Terra is all offended, but she and Tonya could have kept their mouths shut and not told Ali anything. Terra tells Ali that she’s screwed up and should leave.

Jasmine tells everyone to shut up and have a good time so Briana can enjoy herself. Tonya says she’s out and leaves along with Terra. Briana says they turned her party into a shitshow and made her question Christy. She and Christy are left there and Christy says she came there for Briana. She says it took a lot for her to come there and she wants to rebuild the friendship. Christy says she did say she didn’t like Matt, but she also said she hoped to be at the wedding and hoped Briana’s parents would be there too.

Briana says at this point, she’s ready to go home. Christy asks if Briana wants her at the wedding. Briana says she did, but now she wants to think about it.

Terra and Tonya are trying to jet ahead so they don’t have to talk to the others. Terra says Ali was spreading lies and Christy is flip-flopping. Tonya says Christy is being all kumbaya when she’d agreed she couldn’t stand Matt. Terra says Christy is just saying what everyone wants to hear.

Tonya, Terra and Elena take the last day to go swimming with the dolphins. Elena isn’t going all the way out, but does get in the water a little and gives a dolphin a kiss. Terra is exhausted, so the only one who goes the full dolphin is Tonya. She rides on the back of one of the dolphins. Kind of impressive for someone usually so lazy.

They discuss the whole Briana thing again since no one can give it a rest. Elena says she thinks Briana is happy and Matt knows how to make her happy. I do not want to know any theories on that. Elena says when she and Preston got married, it wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows either. Terra says they need to make amends or go their separate ways. I can’t remember disliking any of my friends’ husbands or boyfriends this much, but I would hope if I’m ever in that position, I handle it better than this group.

Jasmine and Briana go into town and do some shopping. They try on hats at a souvenir store and I’m wondering why Jasmine isn’t taking her to somewhere more native. They discuss the fight at the ruins. Jasmine wants to go out for drinks on their last night. Briana says that Terra and Tonya can’t focus on being her friend and getting to know her. She says they don’t deserve her friendship. Jasmine says it’s not going to stop until Briana puts her foot down and tells them how she feels.

Ali visits Christy’s room. They’ve been friends for a number of years and Christy feels badly about what happened. Ali asks how she thinks Briana feels. Christy says she loves Briana, but she doesn’t have to love her husband. She says she had to tell Briana how she feels because of Tonya twisting her words. Ali wonders if Terra and Tonya even want to be friends with Briana and asks if Christy would call them out on that. Christy says she would.

They go to a gorgeous outdoor space for their last night. Everyone shows up, even the sourpusses. They talk about what they did after the ruins trip. Jasmine says she and Briana went dancing at the hotel. Elena says it’s been a nice weekend, except for that one part. Elena says Briana did start the conversation though. Terra says don’t ask a question that you don’t want the answer to. Ali, as a casual observer, says they all seem to throw each other under the bus on a regular basis. Suddenly, Terra and Christy are arguing and it starts to get loud. WTF just happened? That was fast.

Everyone is pointing at everyone else, confirming what Ali just said. Briana finally tells them to knock it off. Terra says she came there to rebuild their friendship, says Briana is talking to her like a two-year-old and calls her a bitch. She’s angry that Briana is friendly with Christy, who’s lying to her, and not accepting Terra’s friendship. She asks why Briana is okay with Christy hating Matt, but not her? Briana says she wasn’t aware Christy hated him. Briana says she’d like to turn things around and move forward instead of back. Briana says Terra didn’t seem to care until she started being friends with Christy again.

Terra says it’s like Briana is afraid of Matt. Briana says enough already, get out. Terra and Tonya leave. Briana says she’s done with them.

They both get teary. Briana says she’s happy, but this is causing a rift because she brings it home with her and Matt can’t fix it. Jasmine says she needs to tell them how she feels.

#JeSuisBruxelles