What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Valentin says he sees now that he can’t make Brook put her life on hold, just because he’s made some enemies in the past. She tells him, welcome to the 21^st Century, and he says, he has the perfect solution. He, Charlotte, and Yuri will move in; that way, they can all be together. She says she had no idea he had such a sense of humor, but he says he’s serious. It’s the only way to keep the baby safe. She insists on giving Yuri the slip, so he’s going to look out for her himself. After all, he’s the one with the most to lose. So, what’s the bidet situation in this house?

Dr. Navarro recommends they induce right now, and Peter says she means tonight? She says, why not? Since it’s Maxie’s third baby, she doesn’t anticipate any problems. They could go home with their little girl as early as tomorrow.

Finn looks in a microscope, when Elizabeth comes in. He asks what time it is, and she says, long past the time anyone else would call it quits. He says, anyone else isn’t trying to save Chase’s life. She says she knows he’ll find a way.

Anna paces the hospital hallway, and leaves Tiffany a message. She says she hopes Tiffany and Sean are well; sending love to them. She wishes she was calling just to catch up, but she’s afraid she’s made a bit of a mess of things there, and she’s wondering if Sean might have something in his possession that could help her. If Tiffany could call back, it would be lovely just to hear her voice. She looks in Finn’s office window. Finn tells Elizabeth, it was specifically designed for…

At the MetroCourt, Brando says when Sasha saw her in the elevator, she said they should talk another time. How about now? That night at the garage, she seemed happy. He knows he was, so if he did or said something wrong, he doesn’t want to lose her friendship over it. She says, he didn’t do anything wrong, and he asks, then what is it? What’s wrong? She says, now is not a good time, and he tells her, she said that before. He guesses it’s all she’s going to say. He doesn’t want to be pushy. She says, pushy is fine, but not when they have an audience.

Cyrus is on the other side of the bar, and Gladys sidles up to him, saying, she hears congratulations are in order. He says, excuse me? and she says she heard he’s going to be a father. He says she’s confused him with someone else, and she says he knows he doesn’t have to play coy with her. She’s more than his driver’s mother; they’re allies. Some might even say, intimate. He says he can’t imagine who, and she says she hopes he takes Jason Morgan out of play. Carly gets out of the elevator, along with her bodyguards, and looks at Cyrus.

On the phone, Sonny says, dammit. Nina, get out of there. She says, it just finished printing. She’s on the way. She takes the copies, folds them, and shoves them in her bag. Eli comes in, and asks what she’s doing there. She says just give her a second. She can explain everything.

Finn hates to admit it, but whoever designed the poison was brilliant. What a waste of talent. Imagine what they could have accomplished instead of creating the perfect tool for blackmail and death. She says, they’re not perfect. He’s going to find a way to neutralize it. He says he’s glad one of them believes that. Anna pokes her head in, and asks if he’s got a minute. Elizabeth walks past Anna, says, give her regards to Peter, and leaves. Anna says, what’s that about? and Finn says, Elizabeth said Cameron was going crazy, thinking Jason killed Franco. She needed to know the truth, that Peter killed Franco and poisoned Chase. She deserved to know. Anna isn’t the only one affected by what Peter did. Cameron tried to stop Jason, and picked up a gun. He could have killed someone, or gotten himself killed. This needs to come to an end. They can’t let Peter pile up any more victims.

Maxie asks Dr. Navarro, what’s the rush? and Peter agrees. Is something wrong with the baby that she’s not telling them? The doctor says, the baby is fine, but Maxie has been suffering from high blood pressure and Braxton Hicks, and is on moderate bedrest. Why not get her back to normal by inducing her now? Maxie says she hired a live-in nurse to make sure she takes care of herself, and Dr. Navarro says, that’s terrific, but who knows what could happen between now and when the baby arrives? Her blood pressure could skyrocket, putting the baby’s health in jeopardy. Wouldn’t she rather take precautionary steps? Maxie says, there are still arrangements that need to be made. They’re not ready to take the baby home. The doctor says, no parent ever really is, are they? She knows it wasn’t expected, but it’s her best advice. Peter thanks her, however, they’re choosing not to take it.

Brook says, Valentin isn’t moving in. The place isn’t big enough for both of them. He asks what she’s talking about. This house is huge; it has more wings than Quartermaines. She asks if he’s implying she won’t see him, but he says he’s implying the opposite; she’ll be seeing a lot of him. At least until the baby is born. She says, over her dead body, and calls to Michael. Valentin asks what she expects. She keeps ditching her bodyguard. He explained the situation, so a bodyguard is not negotiable. Every time she walks around without Yuri, it’s not just her that’s at risk. Michael asks, what’s going on? and Monica comes in, and asks if Brook is all right. Brook says she’s not all right. Valentin is threatening to move in with Charlotte. He thinks he can foist himself on them because he’s convinced his enemies are going after her and her baby. Michael says, that’s not going to happen, and Brook says she knows it won’t. Tell him Monica; this is your house. Monica says, actually, she thinks Valentin moving in would be a wonderful idea.

On the phone, Nina says, tell Phyllis, everything is fine. She’ll see her back at the Tan-O. Sonny says, dammit, and takes a gun out of a locked box behind the bar. Nina says Eli scared her, and he says she surprised him. What’s she doing there? She says, looking for her earring… There it is. Obviously, she lost it when they came to check out his office. She realized it was lost on her way home, and came back. He asks why she didn’t just call him, and she says, didn’t he get her message? He says, it must have been when he was filing the complaint at the police station. She says she was lucky the back door was unlocked, but he should be more careful. She asks if he wants her to help him clean up. It’s the least she can do, after making him think there was another burglar. He says, no, and she says she’ll see him around. She leaves, but Eli doesn’t look totally convinced.

Carly’s bodyguards move closer, but Carly says, Mr. Renault is a guest here. Brando says he thought Sasha was steering clear of Cyrus, and she says she’s trying. He asks if Cyrus is giving her any trouble, and she says, not if she can help it. He says, what’s going on? Let him help. Carly comes over and asks if there’s a problem. Sasha says she asked Brando to leave her alone, and he refuses. Carly says, why doesn’t Sasha go, and she’ll have a word with Brando.

Cyrus tells Gladys, she’d be better served to avoid mentioning their association. She asks, why? Does she embarrass him? He says it’s for her own good, and she says, putting Jason in Pentenville was for her own good too. Now he’s on the loose. Knowing she lied about him disposing of the gun, who does he think Jason is going to come for first? He tells her, don’t worry about Jason; he won’t be free for long. She hopes he’s right. She’s not the only one he’ll come gunning for, and he doesn’t want to leave his bambino without a daddy. He says, he already told her, she’s mistaken. He has no children. She says, he has one on the way. At least according to what she heard from his baby mama in the ladies room. He asks what she’s talking about, and she says she wishes she’d known he and the face of Deception were entangled a long time ago. It would have saved her some sleepless nights.

Peter tells Dr. Navarro that he and Maxie have a well-considered birth plan, and they’re sticking to it. The doctor asks if that’s really what Maxie wants, and Maxie says she and Peter have waited so long for Louise to arrive, what’s another week? Dr. Navarro says, of course (🍷). It’s their decision. The baby is due next Friday. She says, if Maxie hasn’t started labor by then, she’ll insist on inducing, and she leaves.

Finn tells Anna that he made copies of all his work, in case something happens to him. He gives her the paperwork, and she thanks him. She says the reason she came by is, she reached out to an old friend, Tiffany, Sean’s wife. She thought maybe he might have something on file that could lead her to the person responsible for the original toxin Faison had. He says, right now, he’ll take all the help he can get. Violet is worried about Chase. She doesn’t know what’s going on exactly, but she knows he’s sick. She asked if he thought it would help Chase if they clapped, since it works for Tinkerbelle. They’ve been clapping every night. Anna says, that’s sweet. How is she? He says, she’s perfect. She misses Anna. Anna says she misses Violet too. She just didn’t want to intrude. He says she can see Violet any time, and she thanks him. On her way out the door, she asks him to tell Violet that she’s really sorry. She’s doing everything she can.

Gladys says she’s betting Cyrus will throw a spectacular baby shower, but he says he’s not one for parties. She says he’ll change his mind, and he’s the kind who will go for all the trappings. As his baby mama’s due date gets closer, and her baby bump gets bigger, he’ll feel more fatherly. He says he supposes that’s entirely possible if Sasha were carrying his baby. Gladys says, she’s not? She thought Sasha was his… He says, his what? and she says she’s sorry. Sasha’s boss said they were an item. He says, Lucy Coe? and she says, he knows her? He says he knows her by reputation. She’s a gossip who knows nothing. Excuse him.

Carly says Brando knows better than to make a scene in her restaurant, especially with Cyrus there. He says Sasha is exaggerating, and it makes no sense. She has a problem, and won’t say what it is. Carly says she’s sure Sasha has her reasons for whatever she’s doing. Can’t he leave her alone? Cyrus approaches them, and apologizes for interrupting, but he needs to speak with his driver. Brando asks them to excuse him, and goes with Cyrus.

Sonny puts the gun in his waistband, when Nina walks in. She says he has no idea how glad she is… He throws his arms around her, and hugs her, saying she scared the hell out of him, but she’s in one piece. She says, mostly; her nerves are jangled. He asks if Eli hurt or threatened her, but she says, he bought her story hook, line, and… earring. He asks why she didn’t do what he told her to, and get out, but she says she wasn’t leaving the evidence behind. Does he want to take a look? She digs the papers out of her bag, and Sonny asks if Eli knows she’s got it, but she says Eli doesn’t know anything. He says, when he thinks of what could have happened… She says she thinks Sonny is overreacting, but he says, it’s overreacting not to react. Eli had something at stake, hiring those firehouse thugs. If he knows Nina is going after his files, she’ll be his next target.  

Gladys tells Carly, it’s been a while, but Carly says she hadn’t noticed. Gladys asks if that’s any way to talk to family, and Carly says, she’s not family. Gladys tells her, Sonny would say otherwise. If only he was there. Carly says, but he’s not, and she doesn’t have to pretend. Gladys says, all she wanted was to reconnect with her cousin, and get to know Mike’s family, and Carly threw her out of her own grandson’s funeral. Carly says, Dev wasn’t Gladys’s grandson, and Gladys says, tell that to the Feds. She doesn’t understand what she did to deserve Carly’s hostility. Carly says Gladys backed the wrong horse.

Brando and Cyrus sit down, and Cyrus asks what Carly had to say. Brando says she told him to behave himself, and Cyrus says, with Sasha? He saw them talking earlier, and it looked like it was serious. Brando says, since Sasha’s heart attack, he’s tried to look after her, and Cyrus says, he’s quite the boy scout. Brando saved Carly, and protected him from the fallout after Sasha’s heart attack, but he can’t solve everyone’s problems. Some messes can’t be avoided, as Sasha just discovered.

Michael asks if Monica is sure she thinks Valentin should move in, and she says if Michael thinks she’s forgiven Valentin for stealing ELQ out from under the family, he’s wrong, but Valentin is right. Brook and the baby need protection from his enemies. Michael says he can be responsible, but Valentin says Michael has his own child, and a full-time job at Aurora. How is he going to handle Brook? Brook says, hello? She’s in the room. She can handle herself. Valentin is acting like his enemies might go all medieval on her. Monica says, look who Valentin has been involved with? Alex Devane, Helena Cassadine… Brook says, both are dead, and Valentin says, Peter August is very much alive. Monica tells them, Jason said he murdered Drew. This family has lost so much for so long, she’s not risking Brook and her baby’s health because of Peter’s machinations. They need all the protection they can get.

Maxie thanks Peter for having her back, and Peter wonders if the doctor is trying to pad her bill, but Maxie says, no. She believes the doctor was only thinking about Louise, and he says, and they aren’t? She says she’s going home; she needs to start making arrangements. He asks, does she mind if he stops by to check in? but she tells him, call first. He says he promises, and she asks him to tell Chloe to meet her at the car; she has to sign out first. Peter says, of course (🍷), and kisses her cheek. He says he’ll see her soon, and leaves. She takes out her phone, and hears the door open. She says, Peter, I do need my privacy, but it’s Anna.  

Maxie asks what Anna is doing there, and Anna closes the door. She says she followed Maxie from her apartment. Sorry, but she needed to speak with her. How long was Peter here? Maxie asks if Peter saw Anna, but Anna says, no. Maxie says, Peter discovered she had an OB/GYN appointment, and decided to come and offer moral support, without asking her first. Anna asks if he’s been doing that, showing up randomly, and Maxie says, all the time. Showing up at her apartment with a milkshake; insisting she hire a live-in nurse. She feels like he’s stalking her, and this baby isn’t waiting for Anna or anyone else to stop him. Louise is coming – soon. Anna says that’s what she wanted to talk to Maxie about. She’ll make arrangements for Maxie to get out of Port Charles, and deliver the baby where she’s hidden from Peter. Then she’ll deal with him.  

On the phone, Elizabeth says she knows; she’s freaked out too. She’ll be home as soon as she can. She tells Finn, unbelievable. She’s not surprised; that man is vial. Finn says, let him guess; Peter. She says he sent reporters to her house, trying to get a statement from Cameron about the shooting in the garage. Jason’s escaped; did Cameron actually take a shot at the fugitive? Finn says he thinks it’s time he and Peter had a little talk, but she says he can’t. He might say more than he should, and none of them can say anything. He says, okay, for now, and she says she can’t believe Cameron picked up a gun, and almost threw away the next 20 years of his life. Finn says, he didn’t shoot anyone, and has her influence to thank. She says, and Franco’s. Franco was so good to Cameron. He believed in Cameron, and helped Cameron believe in himself. It’s not enough that Peter robbed Franco of his life. He robbed all of them. He broke their family.

Nina asks what Sonny was going to do with the gun, and he says, whatever was necessary. She asks where he got it, and he says, it’s the Tan-O’s. Lenny and Phyllis bought it after the place was trashed. He wants her to know how serious this is. Eli is in league with some bad people. He could have hurt her, or worse. She says, he didn’t, and she can handle herself. If he didn’t trust her, he wouldn’t have let her do their plan. He says, from now on, they do it his way, and she says, okay. They’ll do it his way, but that – she points to the gun – has to be left behind. She likes him better without it. He says, him too.

Carly finds Sasha in the restroom, and asks if she’s okay. Sasha says she’s been better. Brando isn’t a bad guy, except for the company he keeps. Carly says she can make Brando stop talking to her, but Sasha says Carly has enough to deal with. Carly says, let her worry about her own problems. She’ll never forget what Sasha did to help Michael get custody of Wiley. If Sasha needs anything, Carly is there. Sasha thanks her, and Carly says Sasha might want to keep her distance from Cyrus and Brando, but Sasha says, it’s a little late for that. Carly asks, why? and Sasha says Brando told her that he doesn’t want to lose their friendship. Carly says she wasn’t aware they were friends, and Sasha says, friendlier than Brando knows. She’s carrying his baby.

Brando says he didn’t think Sasha was on Cyrus’s radar anymore, and Cyrus says, they were seen together. The media took notice, and there were a couple of items on Page Five. They’ve been linked publicly. Brando says, Sasha nearly died from the drugs Cyrus gave her, but Cyrus says, Sasha did a public interview, and turned her unfortunate episode into a victory. She was on her way up, and a potential asset to the right man. Brando flashes back to kissing Sasha, and getting busy in the car. Brando says, Sasha is a beautiful woman. He sees why she became the face of Deception. Cyrus says, not for much longer, and Brando asks what he means. Cyrus says, he doesn’t know much about the fashion industry, but he has the feeling they don’t want their spokesmodels to come up pregnant. Another dude who needs to come into the 21^st Century.

Nina says, if Sonny is done with the lecture, they should look at the records. Sonny says, all right; they’ll look. They sit down, and examine the papers. Sonny points out the bail payment for the guy who robbed the firehouse dance. Nina says she’s not so interested in the fact that it was paid, but how it was paid; what account the funds were drawn from. Sonny says, along with other withdrawals, and Nina says, nothing is consistent with the payments. He says he doesn’t see anything under the table; just one-off payments. She says when she took over Crimson, she got well-schooled in accounting papers and books. This, my friend, is a slush fund. He says he doesn’t understand why a small town guy like Eli needs a crooked set-up, and she says, her thoughts exactly.

Eli signs into Lantano Commercial Properties (a nod to One Life To Live, no doubt). He frowns, and looks at the copy machine. He puts his hand against it, and goes back to his computer, looking up the history. He looks at the copy machine again.   

Carly says, Sasha is pregnant with Brando’s baby? and Sasha says she shouldn’t have said anything. Please don’t tell Brando. People will find out soon enough, and she doesn’t want Michael to know she slept with his cousin. Carly says, she won’t say anything, and asks how far along Sasha is. Sasha says, just over a month, and Carly says, Brando has no idea? Sasha says she needs to tell him, and Carly says, really? Why? Sasha says she can’t keep it a secret, but Carly says, yes she can, and she thinks Sasha should.  

Brando says, Sasha is pregnant? and Cyrus says that’s what Brando’s mother told him. He takes it the news is a surprise, and Brando says he had no idea. He’s hardly seen Sasha. Cyrus says, that’s understandable. They’ve both been keeping busy, not that either of them has much to show for it. Brando asks what he’s saying, and Cyrus says Brando’s job performance has been lacking. Brando says he’s sorry. He didn’t realize… Cyrus says he asked Brando to find his mother, and Brando failed. Cyrus has told no one, especially the justice department, that Dev was an illegal immigrant, and not Brando’s son, and has gotten nothing from him in return. Brando asks how he can make it up to Cyrus, and Cyrus says, by bringing him results. He has a way for Brando to deliver.

Valentin thanks Monica for her generosity and understanding. He’ll send for Charlotte, and they can start moving in. Monica says, slow down, cowboy. Just because she gave her okay, doesn’t mean she has the final word. Valentin says, it’s her house, and Monica says, yes, her late husband gave it to her (ha-ha!), but Brook is family. It’s really Brook’s life, so she gets the final decision. Michael says, they know what that will be. He’ll show Valentin out. Monica says, not so fast now, and tells Brook that she knows Brook doesn’t want Valentin to move in, but think of the protection he can provide. Michael insists he can provide the same protection; they have their own security. Valentin says, Brook will ditch their security the way she did his, and Monica says, Valentin has a point. Another point is, the room they decided to use as a nursery is bare. There’s no crib, changing table, or toys; there’s nothing. Brook says she’s been too busy, and Valentin says, busy ditching her security detail; it must be exhausting. She seems to have given no thought to her current situation beyond ELQ. He’s starting to wonder if she realizes she’s pregnant.

Maxie asks Anna how this would work; does she have a place? Anna says Maxie would go to a place only they know about. Unless she wants to tell Mac and Felicia. Maxie says she doesn’t know what she wants, except she wants Peter nowhere near her baby. But if she disappears, doesn’t Anna think Peter will have the police looking for her, or his henchmen? Anna says Peter will get a communication from Maxie that she needs to get away; she needs time to think about the future. Maxie says, Peter will have a meltdown, and Anna says, of course (🍷), but he’ll reveal his vulnerabilities, and they can use that against him. Maxie says, what about Chase? Once Peter realizes she helped Anna, he’ll withhold the antidote. Anna says, Finn is formulating a cure, and Maxie says, but they don’t have it yet. Anna says she’s also been working on some leads, but Maxie says she’s not trading one life for another. She’s not putting Chase in worse jeopardy, even to protect her daughter. She’ll find another way. Anna says she’ll do everything she can to make sure Peter doesn’t get his hands on Maxie’s baby, and Maxie says, Anna knows she’ll do her best to take care of her daughter, like Anna took care of Robin. Anna’s phone rings, and she says, it’s one of her contacts. She says, hello, Tiffany… What?… What’s wrong?… Oh no.

Brook says, fine; Valentin can move in, but she has conditions. Monica says, what a surprise, and suggests she and Michael leave Valentin and Brook to their negotiations. Valentin says he has the feeling it’s going to be a laundry list. Should he get a pen and paper? In the foyer, Michael says he hopes Monica doesn’t regret her decision to let Valentin move in, and she says, this house has seen its share of interlopers. If it can survive Jimmy Lee Holt, Lucy Coe, and Lord Larry Ashton, it can certainly survive Valentin Cassadine. Michael says he wouldn’t put it past Valentin to take back his agreement, and double-cross them once the baby is born, and she says that’s why she wants Valentin there. While Valentin is there watching Brook, she’ll be watching him. Michael says she’s one sly fox, and she says, they need to take care of Brook’s baby, but there’s no reason they can’t protect the rest of the family in the meantime.

Valentin says Brook knows him. He’s calculating to a fault, and trying to make the best of an unexpected situation. She asks when he became such an optimist, and he says, when she told him that he was going to be a father again They’ve had their differences, but maybe they can focus on their similarities long enough to come together for their child. Today, tomorrow, and one day at a time after that.   

On the phone, Peter says he saw them upstairs, but talking on the phone means there’s less chance of them being seen together. Elizabeth comes up to Peter, and tells him to keep his reporters away from her family, and make them stay away. He says he only thought Cameron telling his story would prove cathartic, and help him process the trauma of nearly shooting Jason, but she says, if they come to her house or her kids again, she’ll get a restraining order. Finn leads her away, and Peter resumes his conversation, telling them it was just a minor nuisance. One he won’t have to suffer much longer. They’re moving the timeline up. He’ll provide everything they need. All they need to do is make sure Maxie is out of Port Charles without anyone knowing… He knows she will. Thanks, Chloe. 

Anna says she’ll tell Robin, Mac, and Felicia. She’s so sorry… Thanks for letting her know. Maxie asks, what happened to Tiffany? and Anna says, it’s your godfather, Sean. He passed away. She’s so sorry. Maxie cries, and they hug.

Brando asks what Cyrus wants him to do, and Cyrus says, it’s simple really. His name is linked publicly with Sasha’s, which gives him a proprietary interest in her affairs. Now that she’s having a child, he wants to meet the person responsible. Find him, and bring him to me. He and this gentleman need to have a man to man chat.   

Sasha tells Carly, even if she wanted to, how can she keep her pregnancy a secret, especially when she starts showing? Carly says, so what? and Sasha says Brando is the only man she’s slept with since high school. Carly asks if Brando knows that, and Sasha says, no. Carly says, then as far as Brando’s concerned, she could have slept with anyone. Make up a story. Sasha says, why not tell Brando the truth? but Carly says, how long after Brando finds out that Cyrus finds out? Sasha asks what Cyrus has to do with it, and Carly says, whatever Cyrus had for her, it’s not over. She’s a beautiful young woman, and he’s a vain older man. He loved having her on his arm as a trophy, and he’s going to be unhappy that he lost her to his driver. Making Cyrus believe someone else got her pregnant will save Brando’s life.

Gladys asks Cyrus how everything is with her boy, and he says they had business to discuss; something he takes seriously. She sits down, and says, you know who else takes their business seriously? Carly. Carly doesn’t like him. He says, that’s a shame. He admires her enormously. She’s achieved great success. That will make it all the harder when she fails, which will be very soon.

Nina tells Sonny, a secret slush fund is enough for the police to investigate. She can sneak back in… Sonny says, that’s way too risky, but she asks what other options they have. He asks, when was the most recent payment?  She says, it looks like they’re all in Pennsylvania; there’s one in Rockway, and another in Corinth. He says, Eli bragged about a strip mall he was building in Corinth. Does she want to take a drive? She says, that depends, and he says, on…? She says, what about that? pointing at the gun on the bar. He puts it back in the locked box, and Nina says, let’s go.

On the phone, Eli says, Nina Reeves. He’s not sure how much she knows, but she may have seen some of the accounts… He’ll handle it… Don’t worry. He’ll take care of it himself.

Tomorrow, Olivia asks what the hell that man is doing in their house, Anna tells Robert that she has bad news, Jason asks who Britt is calling, and Sonny thinks he knows someone.

Below Deck Sailing Yacht

Marina Lav. The boat has hit the dock, and Glenn says, bleepity-bleep-bleep-bleep. Gary wonders if his radio’s not working. Glenn looks at the dock, and says, f*** me. Sydney says, after looking at the dock, she’s scared to see what the boat looks like. Glenn tells Gary to take up the anchors, and ease the lines. They should be able to get back in their berth; something is wrong with the engine. Gary says, Glenn is not going to be a happy captain. Glenn looks at the dock and the boat. He tells Gary that he doesn’t know what happened. He tried to go out again, and nothing happened, so he tried going out of gear. The interior wonders whose fault it is, and the dockmaster tells Glenn that he’ll need to insurance info. Glenn says, no problem. They agree it could have been cavitation, and in Glenn’s interview, he explains that’s when the propeller is just spinning air, but they don’t know if that was it. He wouldn’t wish it on anyone. JL says he was calling everything out, and Daisy says she doesn’t want to be here for this. Glenn wonders what the hell happened. It could be cavitation, or throttle malfunction, or engine trouble. He’s not sure. The front of the Parsival looks messed up. Gary says, all clear, and Alli wonders if the charter is going to happen. Glenn tells Gary that he’s going to give the boat a normal thrust; he’s going ahead. He begins to move, and in the engine room, Colin says, it seems fine. It could have been a glitch in the throttle. In Glenn’s interview, he says, the computer controls the propeller. He could have input too much, so the computer said no. He felt like it ignored the input. It’s a complicated system, and can fail. The most important thing is the engine is okay. This is the first time this ever happened to him.

Alli tells Natasha she has a pit in her stomach, and Natasha says she doesn’t know what to say or do. In Colin’s interview, he says, the transom looks f***ed. He doesn’t know if it’s cosmetic or serious damage. If they can’t get it to open, the charter season is over. Glenn tells Gary to get the sh*t off, and see how bad the damage is. Sydney says, it’s very weird (she thinks everything is weird), and Alli says she feels sorry for Glenn. In Glenn’s interview, he says he’s embarrassed, and he’s embarrassed for the crew. He’s had accidents before, but this is probably one of the worst days in his career. Colin says he’s opening the frame, and Gary, who’s on a paddleboard in front of the boat, tells him, go slow. Colin asks, what’s coming out? and Sydney says, it’s just debris from the dock. Gary pulls the out the mess, and says, all clear. JL slowly opens the platform, and Colin says, it looks good. He thinks they got away lucky. Because it’s two layers, it saved them. In his interview, Glenn says, it was the perfect height to hit concrete, slice underneath it, and lift it up. They got a lucky break. He can just slap some black paint on the boat before the guests arrive in four hours. Milk was spilt. What happened can’t unhappen. The insurance will take care of it, but right now he’s got to fix the immediate problem; they have guests coming on board. He calls a painter. He tells the crew, it hasn’t been the smoothest morning, but everyone handled it like pros. The guests will be there at two.

In Daisy’s interview, she says, in eight years of yachting, she’s never been in a boat that hit the dock. It’s insane. She tells Natasha, no theme tonight, and in Natasha’s interview, she says, the charter is eight women. They’re going to be picky. Provisions come in, and Daisy asks if Alli’s anxiety is any better, but Alli says, no. She’s grown to like Gary, and wonders how she’s going to manage the situation. Daisy suggests she wait until after the charter. Alli says she has no choice; it’s not right. Daisy says, they already made their bed, and laughs. A boat technician comes to paint the boat, and the crew gets ready for the guests. Glenn thinks the boat looks way better already, and JL sets some paddleboards against the transom to cover anything unsightly. Glenn calls everyone to the aft deck, and says the guests will be there any second.

Gary tells Alli that she looks gorgeous. Glenn welcomes the guests, two of which are wearing matching outfits. They all talk like Kim Kardashian, and I’m wondering how long I can tolerate hearing them. Glenn formally welcomes them, and says he’s going to hand them over to Daisy for a tour. The deckhands will get their stuff on board, and they’ll get out of there. JL says, it looks like an airport baggage claim, and Gary says, they came in two planes. Primary Erica asks Daisy if someone can unpack for them. She wants to be spoiled. Natasha makes upscale snacks, and the boat heads out.

Colin says, hitting the dock was a traumatic experience, so they’re taking it nice and slow. He picks a dead sea cucumber out of the anchor chain. The guests babble at each other, something about making whatever great again, but I can’t even listen to them already. Gary says these types of women do his head in. Guest Bianca says she doesn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable with her political views, while co-primary Cindi babbles at Alli while she does the unpacking. In Alli’s interview, she says, Oh. My. God.

En route to Necujam, Croatia. Co-primary Erica says her goal is that she wants everyone to see love in themselves. She bugs the captain, and messes with Gary’s hair, which is especially ridiculous today, since he has the top half in a tiny man bun. Natasha says dinner is not going to be that big tonight, and guest Bianca says, as long as they have gluten free dessert, it’s good. Glenn says, there’s almost no wind, but he’s putting the sails up. In his interview, he says, they feel pressure to keep the guests having a nice time, but they can’t sail with no wind. Cindi yaps to Alli about someone’s husband being a lawyer who likes personal injury. Alli finally finishes, and can’t get out fast enough. Gary looks up the weather, and sees sudden storms are possible. Colin reckons the guests are going to be a pain in the ass, but maybe they’ll get drunk and pass out. Gary says, that’s exactly what’s going to happen, and Colin says, that’s good news. Bianca says she’s going to take a break from the stupidity, and Daisy says it’s going to be okay. They have a great crew. Bianca says the crew makes her feel better.

Daisy calls an emergency crew meeting in the laundry room, and they all cram in, since it’s pretty small. Daisy says one of the guests is upset because they heard someone slag them. Colin says he told them to stop gossiping, and Daisy says she’s sure they all have opinions, but if they give positive vibes, they’ll get them back. Glenn tells Gary that he’s anchoring where they’ll have good protection from the storm. Daisy tells Natasha the guests are hammered, and Natasha says she doesn’t know how they’re going to eat dinner. She’d planned five courses, but she’s just going to serve three. In Natasha’s interview, she says, they won’t appreciate it, but she’ll still make the dinner delicious. Trump people will eat anything. They drop anchor in Necujam.

Natasha tells Dani and JL not to get horny in the galley, and the guests get ready for dinner. Glenn calls insurance agent Moira, and tells her, it’s nothing structural, just cosmetic. Dani and Alli start to set the table for dinner, and Dani says she thinks they should eat inside because it’s too windy. A gust of wind blows through, and everything flies off the table. Dani guesses that’s a confirmation. Gary calls JL to the deck, and says, it’s going to get nasty. In Colin’s interview, he says, they’ve hit the dock twice, and now a crazy storm is happening. They can’t catch a break. Lightning strikes out over the sea, and Bianca looks for her drink. Erica says she’s seasick, and tells Daisy, who says they usually suggest going up top, but it’s super windy. When it stops she can go out. Erica says she doesn’t think she’s met Daisy, but after hearing her name again, says she looks different. In Daisy’s interview, she says, Erica is hammered, not seasick.

The dinner table is set up inside, and Glenn says he feels bad, but there’s not much he can do. Erica says he has to do something, and Bianca says, it’s called a sleeping pill. Dinner is served, and Erica says, the food is making her feel better. Dani tells Natasha, the guests are loving it, and Bianca says she wants to be the chef’s friend. Erica gets stuck in the bathroom, and can’t get out, which is pretty amusing. Bianca says, the salmon is cooked immaculately, and Natasha tells Alli, this is the last course. She didn’t think they could make it through more than three. Daisy, Alli, and JL bring out dessert, and Erica says, she thinks they were told it was five courses. We flash back to Natasha telling her just that, and in Daisy’s interview, she says it’s not the first time. We return to Natasha ditching the cotton candy machine, and Daisy says, and she gets the brunt of it. Bianca says she’s upset, and everyone gripes that they’re still hungry. Co-primary Jess goes to the galley, and tells Natasha, and in Natasha’s interview, she says, f***. Dani tells Daisy, who says… I’m not repeating it. Daisy tells Natasha that Erica thought there would be five courses, and Natasha says she thought they wouldn’t eat a lot, since they’d be hungover. Glenn sees Natasha making steak, and says he thought the last one was dessert. The plates are served 25 minutes after the initial request. I’m not sure why they always show this timetable. Is it like Pizza Hut? Natasha asks the guests if anybody needs anything else, and Bianca says her food was so good, they wanted more. Erica says her big ass was hungry. At 10 pm, the guests go to bed. Silver lining.

In his cabin, JL looks down his pants. In his interview, he says, things have popped up down there that are concerning. He doesn’t think he has an STD, but he might have chlamydia again. He makes some phone calls. Note to Dani: This part of the downside of dating young and immature.

The storm continues, and JL kisses Dani. Oh nice. He thinks he has something, but isn’t telling her. Gary texts Alli, asking if she wants a goodnight cuddle, but she texts back, not tonight. In her interview, she says, finding out Gary and Sydney had sex changes things. Now she understands why Sydney was so upset, and Alli feels bad for her. Dani asks Gary if he wants to continue seeing Alli after, and he says, they’re playing it cool. In JL’s interview, he says his junk is getting redder, and he’s worried. He doesn’t know WTF is going on.

It’s morning, and breakfast happens. The guests discuss getting in the water, but think it’s probably too cold. Bianca asks if they have scuba suits, but Cindi says, they were supposed to go snorkeling, not scuba diving. Bianca asks Daisy if they can get massages, and Daisy finds Dani. I guess Dani is a massage therapist? Daisy asks Dani how much she wants a tip, and explains the situation. She says she’d never make anyone do what they don’t want to, and Natasha jokes that Dani has to do it. Daisy says, she’d do it, but she wouldn’t know what she was doing. Dani agrees, and on deck, Gary tells JL, if the guests get in the water, there will be a lot of flotation devices. Yuk-yuk. <sigh>

Dani sets up a massage table, and Bianca lies down. On deck, co-primary Jess says she can’t believe Bianca’s behavior; demanding someone from the crew give her a massage. That’s not the way to do things, and if she doesn’t want to be at the center of being picked on, she needs to dial it back. Erica wants to go paddleboarding, but she’s afraid she’ll get trapped by herself, so JL says he’ll go with her. In Daisy’s interview, she says she doesn’t think Natasha is a bad chef, but she insists on doing her own thing, and there’s no communication. She doesn’t know what Natasha is doing. JL takes Erica out on the paddleboard, and Jess has decided to go on one après massage. It starts to rain, and Jess falls off her board.   

JL barely talks Dani, as he walks through the crew mess. She follows him up to the deck, and asks if he’s okay. He says he doesn’t know; he’s not feeling well… down there. In her interview, Dani says, he means his penis. He tells her that he’s concerned. It’s starting to hurt, and he wants to make sure everything is okay. In Dani’s interview, she says, what did you effing give me, you effing a-hole? Another reason for not screwing the crew. You don’t know where they’ve been.

Daisy asks if Dani is okay, and Dani says, JL is worried something is wrong with his penis. Daisy says, it could be anything. On deck, Bianca tells Erica, the girls are being weird, and Erica asks, why? She had no idea Bianca felt that way. She tells Bianca, they’ll ignore the mean ones, and sit by themselves. Natasha prepares lunch, and Dani tells her that JL might have an STD. Natasha says, it could be something totally different. Daisy serves lunch, and in Dani’s interview, she says she thought she was having fun, and enjoying herself, and it goes to sh*t. Not just the feelings, but a disease. She tells Natasha, she’s done with this sh*t, but Natasha says, it might not be what JL thinks. In Natasha’s interview, she says, it could be something different than what he thinks. It could be hemorrhoids.

Upstairs, Erica tells Jess that she’s acting cray, and Bianca says, the group feels super cliquey. Jess asks if Bianca means the four of them or everyone, and Bianca says, the four of them. It feels awkward. When she walks in the room, it’s like she’s interrupting something. Jess says she doesn’t think anyone would want to hurt Bianca, but Bianca says, they’re all bullying her. Dani gets on the phone with (I think) a friend, or maybe her mom. Jess asks if Bianca feels like everyone is nasty, and Jess says she does. Dani says they can do without her on this last trip. She’s done. She doesn’t want it. Bianca says they’re making her feel uncomfortable, and Daisy tells Dani to watch this; it will distract her. Bianca says she doesn’t feel like she has a single ally.

Dani tells Daisy that she’s sure Daisy can do the last charter with one girl less. She doesn’t want to be there anymore. Daisy says Dani should talk to JL if she’s worried, but Dani says she doesn’t want to talk. She doesn’t want to be here. In Dani’s interview, she says she thinks she’s way better than this.

Next time, Gary says something doesn’t feel right, Alli confronts Gary about Sydney, JL talks with a doctor, the mermaid party happens, and there’s a huge fight between guests Bianca and Jess.  

The Shahs of Sunset

Mike refreshed our minds about naked Jenga, and said, so began a war. The damage had spread from Reza and MJ to the entire group. The war raged on, and now they were a house divided. In Reza’s interview, he said there were more things that kept them together than kept them apart. In MJ’s interview, she said they were foolish people, after all the sh*t they’d gone through. Reza said he didn’t want a fractured family anymore, but MJ thought it was wishful thinking.

We saw how life had changed for GG after having Elijah. She said having a baby was a trip, and we flashed back over her baby journey. In her interview, she says, it wasn’t about her anymore. Elijah was calm, chill, and relaxed; everything she’s not. She’d given Destiney her knife collection, which was no longer a good idea to keep around, and she missed her knives.

Reza said he loved pandemic Adam. They were baking, gardening, and chilling. Destiney had moved next door with her dog, Frank Sinatra. It was one of those houses that doesn’t look like much from the outside, but inside, it’s huge and fabulous. Reza brought Destiney a pie Adam had baked. He said the pandemic had allowed him to heal and let go. He missed MJ, and wanted to get to a better place. We flashed back to them making up at the very end of last season. He told Destiney, since then, they had been back and forth, but it had stopped. It was crazy to him that he hadn’t seen the baby. Destiney said keeping away from MJ was good for her soul, but they’d had good times. Destiney showed Reza MJ’s Facebook page, and he said Baby Shams looked like MJ as a baby. They showed pictures, and they could have been twins. Reza told Destiney that he thought he’d put his toe in, and was meeting MJ for lunch.

Mike’s house was on the market, and he was renting an apartment in West Hollywood. Nema came by, and Mike said he had found his person in Paulina. By the end of the year, he wanted them to start fresh together, and buy a house. It was tough not looking at other girls though. In Nema’s interview, he said he sympathized. Just because you hang up your jersey doesn’t mean you’re not still an athlete. Mike took Nema to the apartment pool, singing,  ♫ welcome to my pool, don’t touch my dool ♫ – which you would know means penis, if you’ve been paying attention. Nema told Mike how he had to shut down his first company because of the pandemic, and in his interview, he said it was a horrible thing to watch his baby die.  

MJ and Tommy were living in a five-bedroom, two-bath suburban snob house. In MJ’s interview, said Tommy had worked on himself in the past year. He was shedding his anger toward Reza. We flashed back to that, and MJ said the restraining order had been extended. MJ told Tommy that she was having Mike and Jessica… Paulina, over for dinner. Tommy’s phone alarm went off, and in her interview, MJ explained that it was something he’d learned in anger management. Tommy set an alarm for six times a day, when he said his gratitude and affirmations aloud. MJ told him that she didn’t want the book to end with this chapter. There had been a divide. Tommy said it was more like a moral compass, and she said, what Reza did, couldn’t be undone. Tommy told her that GG, Reza, and Adam were pieces of sh*t, and MJ suggested he go for a walk. Yeah, those anger management tools really seem to be working. Tommy whined about MJ not having his back, but she said she’d always respect him as her husband, but she was going to meet Reza with an open mind.   

GG met her sister Leila in the park, bringing her dog, Zsa Zsa. She’d gotten Zsa Zsa at four months, when she was four months pregnant. She’d read up on Rottweilers, and thought the puppy would be good for Elijah to grow up with. In her interview, she said her new reality was, a sperm donor, a Rottweiler, two cats, and a baby. She told us that her relationship with Leila had never been close, and we flashed back to their contention. She said Leila had shown up when she’d needed emergency surgery for the ectopic pregnancy, and they hadn’t spoken in years. Things started getting better after that. She told Leila that she had a kid without a relationship, and thought she didn’t need one. In her interview, she said, quarantine had hit just before her due date, and people were giving birth and dying alone. She was scared out of her mind. Her parents were older, and she couldn’t have her mother there, so she had to choose her sister. Leila said it was her first delivery.

Vida told MJ that she and Reza both needed to listen to each other’s sides, and acknowledge their mistakes. MJ and Reza met at a restaurant, and he asked what had happened. They were moving in a positive direction, and it stopped. MJ said she didn’t feel anger at all, and she wasn’t going to salt the wound. Reza said maybe he had played all the roles, and all he had was regret and sadness. MJ told him that Vida said they’d both made a mess, and they had to fix it. We flashed back to Vida on Watch What Happens Live, saying, everything is good when it’s new, except for friends. Friends are good when they’re old. Reza said their fight had a ripple effect with the group, and MJ said if they had the ability to heal this, why continue? They agreed to have a birthday dinner for Mike in Palm Springs. MJ said it would be awkward, but she wanted to do it. In her interview, she said Palm Springs was their Disneyland. She didn’t care about the risk. It had to be an overnight with no exits. Reza said everyone would come out for Mike. Everyone got along with him.

Reza paid a visit to GG, who lived across the street from Destiney. Destiney joined them, and they had snacks on the patio. Reza told them that his meeting with MJ was super pleasant and felt good. They didn’t have to be best friends, but he didn’t want to be in a dark place again. He told them about the party plans, and said they were making it a weekend, and renting a house like back in the day. We flashed back to Reza’s engagement. Then Destiney changed the topic, and the three of them talked about Paulina sending them screenshots of texts that Mike had been receiving and sending. GG said she thought Mike was a nymphomaniac. Paulina said she was done, but GG wondered, why text all of Mike’s crazy friends? In his interview, Reza wondered why Mike always went to sh*t, and it ended up on his side of the street.  

Mike and Paulina went to MJ and Tommy’s for dinner, and during cocktail hour, Mike broached the text subject. He spun it that the texts were fake, and Tommy’s alarm went off. He said he was grateful for Mike and Jessica. Oops. I understood this though, since my niece and her high school boyfriend had been together for so long, when she eventually married someone else, we slipped up all the time.

Destiney said Mike was good at changing partners, so he didn’t have to change himself. In GG’s interview, she said she didn’t think Mike was emotionally attached. She thought he needed help, but that Paulina shouldn’t take it personally. Mike told MJ and Tommy that the texts were sexually graphic, and MJ asked Mike if he responded. He claimed he never texted back, and the show veered into the Shahs Community Theater, with Reza, Destiney, and GG reading the texts. In Mike’s interview, he claimed the texts were 1000% fake, and sent by business rivals. In MJ’s interview, she says, my phone was hacked; I lost my iCloud. She can see Paulina itching. In the kitchen, Paulina told MJ that it wasn’t the first time, and outside, Tommy told Mike that if he did that, he’d wake up with a knife to his throat. MJ and Paulina agreed it was because of Mike’s insecurities, but Paulina said when you didn’t have trust, you had nothing. MJ said they could cut his balls off. She told Mike that Paulina was pissed and felt betrayed.  

They did a shot, and Mike said it was the best dinner party he’d been to all year. In her interview, MJ said she’d love to stay in denial, but how could he f*** this up? When they got in the car to go home, Mike kept insisting Paulina was drunk, and she finally got out of the car, telling him to leave her TF alone. He wasn’t coming home with her.   

This season: The Shahs go Western, lots of boobs, a few ceremonies, the Shah kids, Mike suggests they have each other’s backs, GG says it’s the first time she’s getting along with everybody, MJ wonders when GG became the voice of reason, Paulina won’t stand for it, GG thinks Nema needs a new therapist, and Destiney kicks Mike out of her house.

🛌🏽 Tardy For Dreamland…

Tomorrow, a taste of New York, but right now, stay safe, stay decisive, and stay knowing the difference between being seasick and hammered.