What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

 

General Hospital

We are interrupted by a helicopter landing in the Hudson. Thankfully, not for long.

Yvonne is telling Mike a story about her dog. Sonny comes in, and says the nurse insisted Mike needed to see him right away. What’s up? Sonny says hi to Yvonne, and Mike asks if she minds him having a moment with his son. Sonny says, everything okay? and Mike says, better than okay. He wants Sonny to be there for the good news. He’s proposing to Yvonne tonight.

Mac shows Felicia the substitute ring, saying, the setting might not be an exact replica, but it’s close. Felicia asks if they don’t think Finn will know the difference. Robert and Mac just look at her, and she guesses they have a point. Robert isn’t so sure she’ll say yes, but Felicia says, ring or no ring, Anna is ripe for a proposal. Anna appears, and Robert says they didn’t see her there.

Jordan and Finn play backgammon. He tells her that he played with Tracy Quartermaine when she was a patient there, and she beat him too. Jordan tells him not to expect her to go easy on him. Stella runs in, saying she’s sorry. She just got Curtis’s message. Thank God Doc is a match. She asks when the transplant is scheduled, but Jordan says there’s been a complication. She’s not getting a transplant.

Toronto. Laura and Curtis have coffee. She says at least they put the time to good use. She thinks April’s story doesn’t hold water. She checked the flights from Miami to Toronto, and they were all rerouted because of the storm. Maybe she flew to Buffalo and rented a car, but it doesn’t seem likely. Curtis says, that ain’t what happened. He has proof April lied about Ryan.

At the café, Jason asks if Carly wants orange juice, but she’s like, please, no more. He asks if she’s okay, and she says she’s sad; really sad. She’s grateful for her family and the new baby, and her best friend. He says he’s thankful for her too. It’s what Oscar wanted. He didn’t want them to grieve, but to remember they still have each other.

Sam sees Shiloh putting up flyer in the park. She asks if he shouldn’t be resting, but he says he’s survived worse than a bump on the head before. She says she was getting some fresh air. She went to Oscar’s celebration; it was beautiful. Shiloh says, he was a special young man. He’s sorry he didn’t get to know him better. It just goes to show, you can’t take time for granted. He thinks they should get together soon. What better way to celebrate life than finishing her initiation?

Jason gives Carly some chamomile tea. Carly says she always associates it with being pregnant, and finds it soothing. He says she should drink it more often. She says, ha-ha. She asks him to fill her in on how close he is to arresting Shiloh. He says they still need Kristina’s Pledge, but they can’t get it unless Sam gets into the Trust, Shiloh’s inner circle. Carly says for a woman to join the Trust, she has to give damaging information, then he drugs, tattoos, and has sex with her. How far is Sam going with this?

Sam says, Shiloh wants to finish her initiation? It wasn’t exactly orthodox. He tells her not to let the misguided actions of a lost soul keep her from enlightenment. She wonders if the other Trust members know she’s being initiated, since they’re usually there. He says they’ll accept her because he does. The sooner they do it, the better. They can complete the initiation tonight. She says she can’t do it tonight. After Oscar’s celebration, she’s been thinking about her kids a lot, and wants to hold them. She’s picking them up at their grandmother’s. He urges her to reflect on her priorities. The longer she puts it off, the more she’s likely to abandon them like her sister did.

Mike tell Sonny to feel free to congratulate him. Sonny says, it’s a lot to take in. He thinks they should talk, and Mike says, what about? Does he think it hasn’t been long enough since Sonny’s mother died? He and Adele were divorced a long time before she died, but he’s not replacing Sonny’s mother. Sonny says he’s not saying that, and Mike asks why he’s being negative. Sonny says Mike asked him to talk, so let’s talk. They sit, and Sonny says Mike is jumping in a little fast. How does he know she’s the right one? Mike says, of course (🍷) she is. Why can’t Sonny be happy for him? He thought Sonny liked Yvonne. Sonny says he does, but someone else might want to weigh in. Mike asks, who in the blazes would that be?

Anna asks, why so solemn? Is everyone okay? Robert says they were just talking about the scuzzy rag Henrik publishes. Anna says, Peter, and he says, the scuzzy rag Peter publishes. Felicia says he knows Anna and Peter have a good relationship. Peter and Maxie are on their first date. She wouldn’t be surprised if they went to Valentin and Nina’s wedding together. Anna is surprised they’re getting married again; they have so much baggage. Robert says, maybe Nina believes in second chances. Anna thinks past lovers should stay in the past, but Felicia says, if you love someone, and want to spend the rest of your life with them, nothing else matters. Anna sees how some people feel that way, but she’s sworn off marriage.

Stella asks if Doc changed his mind, but Jordan says Doc never wavered. Finn says Doc told him it was all right to pass along the information; he’s pre-diabetic. It’s probably from malnutrition when his brother held him captive. He’s unable to donate. Stella says the condition can be controlled with diet and exercise, but Finn says it will take six months. Jordan says that’s too long for her. Stella says, then they’ll regroup. Before Doc stepped up, Curtis was setting up an account with a genetic profiling site. They can see if they can find a donor from there. Jordan says she hasn’t told Curtis yet.

Curtis tells Laura, while she was talking to April, he looked inside the house. He saw a stack of papers, and on top was the Page Five section. Laura says, from The Invader? He says, yes. He wasn’t sure if it was syndicated, but he did research while he was in line, and it’s not. So why would some woman born and raised in Madison, Ontario be so concerned with local Port Charles gossip? Laura says, because the paper wasn’t for her. It was for Ryan.

Mac tells Anna that he had no idea she was against marriage. Anna says she’s been married several times, and they all ended in disaster. She looks at Robert, and says, no offense. He says, none taken. Felicia says, what if it’s the right person, and Anna says she knows herself. She’s not built for marriage.

Mike tells Sonny, the only person who has a say is Yvonne. It’s not like her father is still around. Sonny says he’s talking about the family, and Mike is sure they’ll be more supportive than he’s being, Sonny says Mike is right. He’s being extra protective. If he’s determined to do it tonight, at least talk to someone who’s objective, like Stella. Mike trusts her, right? Mike says, yeah. He should be the one to give Stella the good news. Great idea.

Stella says, Jordan didn’t tell Curtis. Hasn’t she learned anything? He’d want to know and should. Finn says, it’s not best time to stress Jordan out, and Jordan asks for a private moment with Stella. Finn leaves, and Jordan tells Stella not to jump to conclusions. Stella says she’s holding back vital information. Jordan says, it just happened. TJ knows, and now she does. She’ll tell Curtis when he comes back. Stella says if she calls, he’ll come back, but that’s what Jordan doesn’t want him to do. He needs to stay on the case. Stella asks what makes her think the case is more important to Curtis than she is.

Laura finds it hard to believe someone living there would care who’s dating who in Port Charles. Curtis says, him too. His phone rings, and he says, it’s a Canadian number. He answers, and it’s April. He says they were just talking about her. She’s sorry she wasn’t upfront, but she wasn’t alone. He asks if she’s alone now, and she tells him to get there as soon as he can. She’ll tell them everything. She hangs up, and he tells Laura, she’s ready to talk. They jet.

Felicia understands how Anna feels, but doesn’t think marriage is the cause of relationships ending or failing. It’s the relationship itself/ People grow and change, or don’t see each other clearly. There are plenty of times it does work. Mac says they’ve had heartbreak, but it made them stronger. Anna says she and Finn are perfect the way they are right now. They challenge each other, respect each other’s boundaries, and his non-conformist personality is a great match with hers. They have no expectations, and they’re content with the relationship as it is. She wouldn’t change a thing. Robert’s phone rings. It’s Finn, but he doesn’t answer.

Finn leaves a message for Robert. No more stalling. He wants his ring, and expects Robert to be there at the drop off tonight.

Jordan says Stella knows she can’t get into specifics about a case; the same way Stella can’t with clients. Stella says Jordan is in the hospital, and shouldn’t be concerned about a case. Marcus shows up with flowers, and Stella says she thought they were meeting downstairs, but Jordan says they’re wrapping things up. Marcus says he knows how flowers can brighten up a hospital room. Flowers always made Yvonne smile, and he hopes they have the same effect on Jordan. She thanks him for his thoughtfulness. Stella says they still have a bit to discuss, and asks Marcus to meet her in the restaurant. Stella’s phone rings, and she excuses herself. It’s Mike, who says he’s got some news for her. She says, judging by his voice, it’s something good. He says, it sure is. He’s proposing to Yvonne tonight. Stella looks at Marcus.

Laura asks Curtis, if Ryan is hiding at April’s house, why would he leave, and give her the opportunity to call someone? And why call them, not the police? Curtis says maybe he doesn’t know they’re on to him, or she’s in denial and needs more information to see the truth. Laura says, or maybe they’re walking into a trap.

Sam tells Shiloh that she thought Kristina was thinking things through, and not to assume she’s leaving DOD. He says Kristina came by see him. Sam says her mom said Kristina was in town. He says it turns out she wanted to tell him face to face that she’s not returning. He wishes she’d reconsider. Sam says she could talk to Kristina, but he thinks it would be better to let her be right now. She might have fulfilled her ultimate purpose by bringing in Sam. Sam says something Shiloh taught Kristina stuck. She told him face to face. Normally, she’d go south. The old Kristina wouldn’t do that. He says he thinks she was also making sure there wouldn’t be any trouble, but he couldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear.

Carly tells Jason, it’s one thing to pretend to break up, but Sam is risking being drugged and sexual assault. What comes next? Jason tells her, calm down, but she wants him to listen to her. What if Shiloh drugs Sam. She clutches, and Jason asks, what is it? She says nothing. He has to make Sam listen. She clutches again, and he asks what’s wrong. She says it’s probably nothing; just pain. He says they have to make sure, and helps her up.

Sonny and Yvonne debate recipes, and Mike thinks they should have a mac and cheese bakeoff. Yvonne is game if Sonny is. Sonny says he’ll be back, and meets Stella. Marcus has come with her, and asks, what’s going on? Stella says they were on their way to dinner when she got a call from Mike, and she explained the situation to Marcus. Unfortunately, they all knew something like this might happen. Sonny says, first of all, they can’t get married, not in the legal sense, but they won’t understand why. Mike used to know that Yvonne was married, but now he doesn’t. Marcus says, or doesn’t want to. Sonny asks if they’re going down that road again. Stella says it gives them a semblance of hope and happiness. They’re less and less able to remember their old lives. It sill distress them both if they try to explain. Marcus says, Yvonne is married, whether she remembers or not, and he’s not letting that man propose to his wife.

At the hospital, Jason wonders if he should call Sonny, and she says, absolutely not. He already has his hands full. They should wait until there’s something to know. She asks Epiphany if her doctor is available, and Epiphany says, no. Does she need an exam? Carly says, no, but Jason says, yes. Epiphany asks if she’s having pain, and Carly says it’s nothing serious. Epiphany tells her she’s not a practicing medical professional. She’ll give Carly an exam, and she’ll decide.

Sam asks Shiloh, what kind of trouble is Kristina worried about? He wouldn’t harm her, would he. He says, of course (🍷) not. She walked out, and can’t figure out how to apply the principles she learned to the real world. It’s like when someone stops taking their medication because they feel better. She’s flown to close to the sun, but when she crashes, they’ll be there with open arms to take her back. Her place is with them.

Laura thinks they should call the authorities. Curtis says, and tell them what? That they were lying about being census takers? They go onto the porch, and Curtis says, the door is open. Laura says, that’s not right, and he tells her, now would be a good time to call the police. Laura has no service, and looks for a spot. When she turns around, Curtis is gone.

She finds him inside, and he tells her, the power has probably been cut. He uses the flashlight on his phone to look around. He calls to April, saying she called them. He tells Laura to go to the main highway, and see if there’s service, but she says she’s not leaving him alone. He looks around some more, and says, oh damn. April’s body is behind the couch. Laura gasps, and says, oh no.

Finn couldn’t help notice things were intense between Jordan and Stella. Jordan says, intense is their baseline. She wanted to tell Curtis about Doc, but the last time she gave him bad news, he dropped everything. She doesn’t want him to lose the lead. Finn asks if it isn’t Curtis’s decision to make. They’re married now, and account for one another. No unilateral decisions. Jordan bets Anna put him up to watching her. Backgammon was just an excuse to keep eye on her. He says he has no idea what she’s talking about, and smiles. She sees why Anna loves him. She’s happy they found each other. Maybe one day, she can return the favor and dispense marital advice to him. He says, you never know.

Anna says she didn’t mean to kill the mood, and Robert says he speaks for everyone in being delighted about her and Finn’s solid understanding of each other. Robert’s phone dings, and he excuses himself. Anna hopes there’s a major crisis on the other side of the world. Felicia says they’ve been friends for ages, but she never heard Anna say anything like this. She wonders when Anna decided against the idea of marriage.

Marcus says he played along with this charade, but he’s not letting another man propose to his wife. He’ll transfer her to another facility. Sonny says nothing has changed. They’re happy; that’s what matters. Stella agrees, but says Marcus has a right to his feelings. They had a lifetime as husband and wife. He had to let that go when she was diagnosed, and bring her there. Sonny knows it’s a lot, but asks Marcus not to blame his dad. They managed find each other, and as long as they’re under the same roof, they’ll find a way to be with each other. He gets that Marcus is frustrated. Everything is frustrating with the situation. Marcus says he wants what’s best for Yvonne, and knows she’ll be happy with Mike, but he can’t stand there and watch. Stella understands. Marcus goes over to Yvonne, and says hello. He wanted to tell Yvonne how lovely she looks. He puts his hand on her shoulder, and walks away. Yvonne tells Mike, what a sweet man, and Mike says, yes. He asks if he can talk to her about something. He steers her away, giving a thumbs up to Sonny.

Shiloh tells Sam that he has to get back, and gives her a flyer. He hopes to see her there. She says it’s for tomorrow night. She can’t go. She’s going to the Nurses’ Ball. Shiloh says, that sham of a charity? She says she’s gone every year, and it’s far from a sham. He says a bunch of rich people paying for a song and dance, and a four-course meal. Why don’t they just write a check, or volunteer their time. Sam asks, what’s wrong with people feeling good while doing good? This charity brought in a lot of money for HIV and AIDS, and he’s being judgmental. Has he ever gone? He says, no, and she says, there’s an obvious solution. Cancel the event – she crumples up the flyer – and come to the Nurses’ Ball with her.

Epiphany tells Jason that he can come in. He asks if everything is okay, and Epiphany says, the baby is fine. It’s an uncomfortable, but harmless pain, common in the second trimester. He says, so there’s nothing to worry about? She says, just discomfort. There’s stretching Carly can do, and warm compresses. Her doctor will go into more detail at her appointment tomorrow. Carly says she doesn’t have an appointment, and Epiphany says the office has been trying contact her. The results of her CVS test are back. She insists that Carly rest for fifteen minutes before she leaves, and Jason says he’ll make sure. Carly says she appreciates it, and Epiphany says, show it by following instructions. She leaves, and Carly says she wishes she could get the results sooner. Jason says she’s fine. Everyone is fine. Tomorrow, whatever happens, happens, but tonight everyone she loves is safe, so rest. He doesn’t want to get in trouble with Epiphany. Ha-ha! Epiphany is probably the only person Jason is afraid of.

Sam asks if Shiloh wants to be her date/ He’s the one who keeps telling her, honesty above all else. She’s being honest in telling him it’s so much fun, and challenging him to see for himself. Want to let her show him a good time? Shiloh says, all right. She’s got herself a date. Now he has to cancel the event. She takes the flyer down, crumples it, and hands it to him. He says he’ll see her tomorrow. When he’s gone, she texts Jason; Shiloh took the bait.

Anna tells Felicia that she’s never had the occasion to talk about it. No big deal. She has to go, and Mac says, they have a problem.

Finn asks Robert where the ring is. Robert gives it to him, and says the ring is the least of his problems. Last he heard, Anna was having a tirade against the institution of marriage. Finn looks at the ring, and says it isn’t his. Where’s the ring he bought for Anna?

Mike tells Yvonne, the last few months have been the happiest of his life. At least the part he can remember. He gets on one knee, and says he was wondering if she’d do him the honor becoming wife. He shows her the ring.

Jordan thinks about Stella asking if she hasn’t learned anything, and Finn saying it’s Curtis’s decision to make. There are no unilateral decisions. She picks up the phone, and calls Curtis.

Curtis feels April’s neck for a pulse. He tells Laura, she’s probably been dead less than an hour. If they’ve ever needed the cops, they need them now. Laura says she can’t get cell service, and he tells her, try outside. She walks out, and Curtis looks at April’s hands, saying, it looks like she put up a fight. They have DNA evidence. He calls to Laura that he thinks they’ve got something. Someone hits him from behind, and knocks him out. Laura comes in. She sees Curtis, and then sees his assailant. She screams, and backs up against the wall.

Tomorrow, Kristina tells Molly that Shiloh is a predator, Anna tells Peter that she thinks she’s getting a marriage proposal, and Sonny says he has no idea how Mike got the ring.

The Real Housewives of New York City

Luann tells her hairdresser that her house is like a bird’s nest. She saw an eagle this morning, and she can’t wait for the girls to come. Sonja’s already on her way.

In her interview, Sonja says the limo/bus she’s taking is like a private plane on wheels. She can watch TV, and it has a toilet. Her dog Marley is coming along, and she brushes him. She’s excited to see the house. LuAnn almost sacrificed everything to be in this hood. It’s much smaller than the mansion she tried to wheedle money for. We flash back to LuAnn saying she was asking everyone she knew for six million dollars. I would have been like Sylvia Miles when Jon Voight asks her for money in Midnight Cowboy. I was just about to ask you for some…

Dorinda goes to a flower shop. She wants dark, sultry, sexy flowers. In her interview, she says, it’s amazing. Sutton place feels like London. She walks everywhere, every day. it’s so accessible, and she feels emotional about it. She goes into a cheese shop next, and wonders where to begin. Thirty blocks down, and four avenues over, and it’s changed the dynamic of her life. It’s easy for her to visit Hannah and John. She tastes some cheeses.

Bethenny meets Tinsley, who’s dog has cancer; her baby. In Tinsley’s interview, she says Bambi is the type of dog who’s loved, caressed, and smothered in kisses. They would have felt any lump, but this just appeared. I feels so sad for her. This, I can identify with. Not that stupid Scott stuff. She tells Bethenny about Sonja yelling at her, saying the kid thing wasn’t happening. We see clip of Sonja going off on how Tinsley shouldn’t want what she says she does. In her interview, Tinsley says she’s known Sonja a long time, and Sonja thinks Tinsley should only take her advice. If she listens to anyone else, it’s like a betrayal. In another clip, Sonja says every woman doesn’t need a child, and Tinsley only thinks she wants one. Tinsley says she doesn’t want to be under Sonja’s wing anymore.

Marley and Sonja arrive. Sonja tells the driver, it was heaven. She thinks the house is so LuAnn. Isn’t that a Disney show? So LuAnn? LuAnn welcomes her. in LuAnn’s interview, she says the house has good karma, and she wants to keep it that way. Sonja says this is where all the cool people live. In her interview, LuAnn says that she lives in a small town in the Hamptons, and it’s right at the street. People come by and stare at the house, and she’s even found photographers in the bushes. Wow. They must be desperate. She says she didn’t feel secure, and upstate, she doesn’t have that problem.

Sonja says she burns the candle at both ends. When she’s drinking, she’s drinking; and when she’s not drinking, she’s not. Bethenny said she needs a happy medium. She’s just trying to keep her sh*t together, but she didn’t when she saw Tinsley and Ramona. Tinsley was being a downer because her dog has cancer. First, the boyfriend, then the dog. Then she started going on about finding a man and getting married, and Sonja flew off the handle. We see a clip of Sonja telling Tinsley, when she got married, she wanted to be with her husband. If she wants a baby, get one. She doesn’t need a man. She tells LuAnn, how many women marry and have kids, and are miserable?

Ramona joins Tinsley and Bethenny. She has to say something, but wants to preface it. Barbara told her that she’s like a bull in a china shop. She’s like her mother, and her delivery sucks. In Bethenny’s interview, she says she has to get stretched out and ready for this bullsh*t. She tells Bethenny that she’s happy Bethenny is there for lunch, but part of her feels ignored. She knows Bethenny is busy, but she wishes Bethenny had missed the red carpet, instead of her party. Bethenny says, know thyself. She suggests Ramona talk what she would do. Ramona says she doesn’t know, but we all know she’d go where the hottest guys were. In her interview, Bethenny, gives Ramona an R for a reach. Ramona tells Bethenny that she’s just saying she wishes Bethenny had been there. Bethenny says she had one drink, and came home. She’s trying to squeeze twenty-five pounds of sh*t into a five pound bag. (My father used to say that.) She wants to spend time with Brynn, and wouldn’t go to see Madonna at 11. She left at 11:20, and LuAnn said something about her leaving to watch Brynn sleep. In Bethenny’s interview, she says, eff off. It doesn’t matter if she’s scoring crack at 11:30. LuAnn turns into a pumpkin? Ramona says LuAnn wouldn’t be in the situation she’s in if not for Bethenny. Bethenny says it’s not even about her. Have some common decency. Ramona says LuAnn expects people to do things she doesn’t, and I nearly choke on my coffee. Pot meet kettle. In her interview, Ramona says, LuAnn is on her high horse. She’s a cabaret star now. Do you know who I am?

LuAnn shows Sonja around. Sonja loves what she did with the place. It is beautiful.

Bethenny tells Tinsley, Sonja admitted to being in a bad mood for four days straight, and saying something to Tinsley about needing to have a baby on her own. Tinsley says she’s the only one in the group with no child. It makes her feel inadequate as a woman. She has nothing to be proud of. Wow. I feel sad again for her. Not only that she feels inadequate, but that she was raised to think only having children is something to be proud of. Bethenny says, many people with no kids live happy, fulfilled lives. She asks, what does Tinsley want or think she should do? There are no bad answers. Tinsley says she was programmed think that’s what she wants. When she’s been a mother, it’s to her chihuahuas. She knows it’s in there, and she’d be great at it. I say, get more dogs. In her interview, Tinsley relates to being a mother through mothering her dogs. She tells them she doesn’t want to date, even though the clock is ticking. Ramona asks why she can’t do it on her own. Bethenny says she can’t have it all. Ramona says, she can try, but she can’t. Bethenny says, the clock is ticking. Tinsley thinks the first step is being in a committed, loving relationship. In Ramona’s interview, she knows Tinsley was raised as a traditionalist, but she’s forty-three, and needs to rethink things quickly. Bethenny doesn’t envy her posotion. In Bethenny’s interview, she knows Tinsley is like Peter Pan, and doesn’t want to grow up and deal with it, but not everyone is Halle Berry or Janet Jackson. If she wants kids, she has to get crackin’. She has no time to wait for a man to have a baby. Tinsley says she wants a family; a guy who loves her, and who she loves. Who else would she have it with? Bethenny says, the best sperm you can get. Tinsley says she’ll give it another month, and come back to it. Bethenny says before the new year. They’re giving her four weeks. Ramona says they’ll be the godmothers.

Ramona thinks they should all go away before Christmas, and do something special. Some of them love Aspen, but Tinsley suggested Miami. She found a house they can possibly rent; it’s 18000 square feet. She shows them pictures on her phone, and says, Mario might come. Bethenny asks, what’s going on? Ramona doesn’t know, but insists she hasn’t seen him naked for three years, when they had goodbye sex.

Barbara arrives. She’s come bearing gifts. In her interview, she says being in LuAnn’s house is like being in the George Jetson bubble. It’s like floating on the water. LuAnn says it’s her first dinner party there. The talk about the Halloween party, and Barbara says she felt comfortable in her Slash costume. Sonja still isn’t sure who that is, but says it was a good party. Barbara wonders why LuAnn didn’t mingle with them before her performance, and Sonja says some of the girls were upset. Bethenny is concerned, now that she’s a cabaret star, LuAnn doesn’t don’t spend time with them. LuAnn says she was rehearsing, and afterward, was with them for a while. Bethenny could have waited ten minutes. Her kid would have been sleeping; what’s the rush? One thing LuAnn doesn’t grasp is that Bethenny had to relieve the sitter. She’s not even figuring in that there’s a third party who might have wanted to go home or out. In LuAnn’s interview, she thinks what she said isn’t that big of a deal compared to what Bethenny has said about her. We flash back to Bethenny calling LuAnn a whore, a liar, and a snake. Sonja says she’s acting like a celebrity, and LuAnn reminds Sonja that she’s in her house, eating at her table. Watch yourself, girlfriend. LuAnn wishes Sonja would have her back once in a while. Sonja says she’s a Sagittarius, and tells the truth. Me too! In LuAnn’s interview, she wonders how much Sonja has had her back, and how much she’s been part of the conversation.  LuAnn says it was a fabulous party. She didn’t forget her girlfriends; she was rehearsing. They’re big enough to take care of themselves. In her interview, Sonja says LuAnn added insult to injury, saying they can take care of themselves. The preparation for their outfits took longer than LuAnn’s show. They’re were there for her, not there for them. LuAnn says she’s not apologizing. Sonja tells her not to forget her friends; just thank them for showing up. In Barbara’s interview, she says LuAnn doesn’t like confrontation. She doesn’t hear what they’re trying to say. LuAnn says she’s in her happy place, and she hopes the women aren’t planning to gang up on her. Sonja says Let’s Ramonacize it, package it, and move on.

Bethenny is driving upstate (or rather, being driven) with Dorinda and Tinsley. She says it’s a dry county, so she’s bringing liquor. She can sell out of the trunk. Ramona is out looking for a housewarming gift. She says it’s good to bring a gift, especially if you’re going to be late. She sees a coaster that says cock on it, and says LuAnn would like that. Then she realizes the companion coaster says tail.

After speaking with Barbara and Sonja, LuAnn figures the women have an agenda. She feels the wind coming down the Hudson River, blowing strong and fast. Sonja watches as she tries on necklaces from her new collection. She never thought the cabaret thing would be as big as it’s gotten. Working on the a collection for the cabaret show came organically. We see a clip of her having photos taken, wearing the necklaces. In her interview, she says it made sense to do the collection, since she loves statement necklaces. In Sonja’s interview, she says she loves the cabaret collection. It’s lovely to see LuAnn’s passion be ignited, but cabaret is now a trigger word for the group.   

In the car, Bethenny asks how many times they think LuAnn will say cabaret. Dorinda is all for a drinking game, but Bethenny says they’ll be in a blackout quickly. They can stop at the rehab on the way back. Dorinda suggests they take off a piece of clothing each time. Tinsley says they’re either in danger of alcohol poisoning or hypothermia.

Ramona decides on candlesticks.

Sonja says Barbara was mugged when she was nine, and asks her what the other thing was. Barbara says she had boobs at nine, and was touched in the locker room. Sonja say she got her ass kicked, and tells Barbara her favorite move to smash a girl’s head. Barbara says Sonja was a killer. Sonja says people wanted to beat her up. Like now.

The woman talk about politically correct words in the car. Dorinda says she doesn’t know a lot of them, and Bethenny says, just don’t talk. They pull in, and go inside. LuAnn and company are lying by the fireplace. LuAnn says it’s a little late for the fall foliage, and shows them the view. In her interview, Bethenny says, it’s charming. She thought the six million dollar house was a terrible idea. This is manageable.  They do the tour. In Dorinda’s interview, she thinks it’s isolated, and isolating. Not what she expected. Barbara must think it’s really in the boondocks if she thought the Berkshires was. Barbara says it’s like being on the water. The guest room has its own kitchen, and in her interview, Bethenny says, you can take a sh*t, and cook a souffle at the same time. Tinsley says if anything drove her to drink, it would be living there full time. LuAnn talks about how busy she’s been. In her interview, she believes the women think her house is great. Unless they’re good liars.

Sonja says Ramona’s party is on her IG story. She plays it for them. In her interview, Sonja says they’ve put up with Ramona’s sh*t for so long, and have gone to all of her other birthday parties. They’ll see if those people pick up the phone a few years from now. They’ll be there, and the new people won’t. LuAnn says they’re going to Rhinebeck for dinner, and then to Kingston afterward. There’s an entertainer called Margarita. She’s from Cuba, is eighty years old, and plays the keyboard. Tinsley raises her glass, and clinks it with Bethenny. In her interview, Tinsley says, it wasn’t the exact word, but it was close. She didn’t come there to make friends, but to win the cabaret drinking game. In Bethenny’s interview, she wonders if she’s required to go to the cabaret. She’s never been to a cabaret in her whole life, and she’s okay. In Dorinda’s interview, she says she’s having an out-of-body experience, and she’s not even drinking.

Sonja says she, Ramona, and Tinsley had fun on their girl’s night out. We see the clip of Sonja lecturing Tinsley, and asking who programmed this sh*t in her hea. Tinsley says she’s sorry her dog has cancer, and she’s sad. And she’s sad about her relationship being broken up. She was trying to have a conversation, but Sonja didn’t want to participate in it. Sonja admits she was rude, and Tinsley was hurt. Tinsley wouldn’t listen. Bethenny says Tinsley didn’t want a prescription for her life. Sonja says they all have problems. When they’re together, sometimes they have to compartmentalize. She had no strength for the baby/boyfriend story. In her interview, Tinsley says it’s not a sob story; it’s her life right now. Bethenny thanks Lu Ann for including them.

Barbara tells Bethenny that the three of them were just yapping before the she and the others got there. Bethenny asks if they talked about sex. Barbara says LuAnn called her liquid. Bethenny says, gender fluid? Sonja is coining the liquid term. Barbara says she thought she was bi-sexual, but she’s sexually fluid. She takes what’s in front of her, but they have to be hot. In Bethenny’s interview, she says she’s kissed Barbara, Sonia made out with a stranger, and LuAnn tried to make out with everyone. They’re a piece of dental floss away from being lesbians. Barbara says she was in a relationship with a woman for a few years. Bethenny asks what broke it up, and Barbara says she loves men more. Much more. Bethenny says, then she dabbles. In Barbara’s interview, she says she’s always asked if she went downtown. What else is there to do? LuAnn is surprised. In her interview, she says she’s shocked that Barbara had a relationship with a woman, since she likes men, but LuAnn is open.

LuAnn asks if they think she’s landed on her feet. Bethenny says, absolutely. LuAnn says she’s going to be doing a Christmas show at the Grammercy. Dorinda asks what she does besides sing, and LuAnn says she’s added a Q&A session. Bethenny asks about her costume on Halloween, and LuAnn says, it was similar to Tinsley’s, but she was working more than anything. She was hoping Bethenny would stay, but Bethenny says she had to let the sitter go. She didn’t appreciate LuAnn’s comment about how she had to go home to watch her kid sleep. In her interview, Dorinda says she feels like a National Geographic photographer. She’s watching the craziness unroll, until there’s blood on the floor, and someone is ate for dinner. Bethenny says she didn’t want to keep the sitter out. LuAnn says Bethenny came to her rescue in so many ways, she wanted Bethenny to help celebrate the good things too. Bethenny says she’s the mother of an eight-year-old. She went trick-or-treating after school. She’s a mom. LuAnn says don’t talk to her like she isn’t. Bethenny says she’s not a mom with an eight-year-old. She suggested Bethenny have someone take care of her kid, so she could go out. She doesn’t want to go out, but she came to see LuAnn’s performance, and she came. LuAnn tells Bethenny that she always says she has to get home for Brynn. LuAnn is so unbelievably clueless. She doesn’t realize how bad she sounds. Bethenny says LuAnn is doing cabaret, and that’s her life. Bethenny supports that, but LuAnn isn’t supporting Bethenny’s life. LuAnn isn’t thinking about anybody but herself. LuAnn says Bethenny didn’t have to rush; her daughter was sleeping. In her interview, Bethenny asks who does LuAnn think she is, telling her what to do as a single mom?  She asks how LuAnn dares to say something negative about her choices. LuAnn says she was hurt because Bethenny didn’t stay and celebrate the moment with her. Bethenny says she can’t live her life to celebrate LuAnn’s life. She celebrated LuAnn last summer. Topping herself in cluelessness, LuAnn asks what she means. Sonja says Bethenny helped her out.

Next time, Bethenny tells LuAnn that they all have their own lives, Ramona says she was hurt when she was left nothing in the will, and we see the eighty-year-old cabaret artist. It looks… interesting.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

It’s one week until Camille’s wedding. She tries on her dress and feels like a princess. It’s gorgeous, sleeveless with a crocheted flower overlay.

LVP’s new kitchen is done. She says, it’s been a torturous few months, but worth it. It’s the coolest thing. Lots of white with silver and pearly pink details.

PK isn’t a wilderness kind of guy, but Dorit tells him the camping trip wasn’t as rugged as she thought. When she tells him there was a public restroom and he goes, urrg. In her interview, she says when she leave town for more than one night, her mother comes to stay. She feels her kids are in good hands – all of her kids.

Kyle tells us they bought a lot of food for camping, and now they have to burn calories. She, Teddi and LisaR run around the property; nine times is a mile. Afterward they go to Kyle’s house gym, but just sit around in it. LisaR can’t believe she had pie for breakfast. She thought she would be miserable and cold, but wasn’t. Kyle couldn’t believe the conversations, and we flash back to Camille’s revelation about the prostate. LisaR doesn’t want to stick her fingers in anyone’s butt. I’m with her there. In LisaR’s interview, she says she’s kinky, but someone has to teach you that stuff. Teddi says Camille went from that to calling her a know-it-all. More than the comment, she didn’t like the tone. Kyle says it was because of what happened at the Boy George concert. Teddi says she was just being a friend. If she feels something, she says it. If she can’t do that with someone, she won’t be friends with them. In her interview, Teddi says she’s going to Camille’s wedding. She figures she wouldn’t have been invited if Camille didn’t like her. Oh really? Did she forget she was in L.A.?

Denise is going to Miami for a job. She loves working as an actress. She’s juggling projects, and doing a TV show that’s edgy, sexy, and provocative. She tells Aaron that she’s going to try and sleep on the plane, and they’ll dress her when she gets there. In her interview, she says she loves people asking if they can get her coffee, or what she wants for breakfast. At home, she just gets a list of complaints. Being on set is a vacation. She says goodbye to Eloise. She says it’s challenging, balancing everything. There’s a lot of guilt in being a working parent. She tells Eloise that Aaron will be there. He’s just taking her to the airport, and will be back. In Denise’s interview, she gives credit to Aaron for being supportive. The girls know they can count on him, and it eases her mind.

Erika rehearses for her L.A. concert. She always wanted to headline her own tour. In her interview, she says she’s not going to sit there and be humble. She’s been dreaming of it since she was a baby. Mikey walks Erika and the dancers through the show. She says the Globe holds 900 people, and they sold it out. A lot of great energy has passed through the theater. This is where it pays off. She discusses things with her hair stylist. She’s performing in front of other performers in L.A., and says she prefers performing for strangers.

Denise stops by friend Kerry’s salon. Sami is going on her first date. In her interview, Denise says they gave in, but they’re not calling it a date. Her first date won’t be until she’s sixteen. It’s not a date, it’s a dance. There’s an effing difference. In the olden days, their mothers did their hair and makeup. In Beverly Hills, the girls have a glam squad. Denise asks Sami to put her dress on, so she can see it. In her interview, she says she’s missed a lot of things. It’s hardest thing missing beautiful moments. Sami comes out, and everyone goes, wow. It’s sparkly, pretty, and not too revealing. Denise tells her to wear sneakers, except for pictures. Denise tells her to be careful and have fun. Sami asks why she’s crying; it’s just three days. Denise feels badly that she won’t be there to see her. Sami says she’ll send pictures, and Aaron tells Sami, if she needs anything, text him. In the car, Denise tells Aaron, it’s hard being a working mom. She misses stuff.

Mikey says, glam is attacking, and they joke about Erika’s macramé hair. Tom comes by, and she tells him tonight is going to be good. Not only will it be a great show, he’ll get to see everything they’ve done. Mikey says, it’s the whole shebang; a culmination of a decade. He suggests Tom go to the VIP area, since he is. In her interview, Erika says there’s always pressure when Tom is in the audience. The show is an expensive project, and she wants him to see where all the hard work and money have gone. The most satisfying thing is her partner being her biggest cheerleader.

Kyle, Mauricio, Dorit, and PK ride together to Erika’s concert. Mauricio asks if the camping trip was fun. Kyle tells him about Camille’s revelation. In detail. More things I’ll never be able to unhear. In her interview, Kyle says PK apologized after the concert. We flash back to her telling the others about their texts. She knew he felt bad; it just took time. She’s over it and they’re good. She tells Mauricio he’ll be impressed with the concert. She’s seen Erika twice, and now this time, she’s going with her husband who’s never seen Erika perform. She’s bragged about her friend being a rock star. When they get to the theater, they order drinks and meet up with Teddi.

Aaron asks when he’s seeing Denise again. She asks if he can go four days without sex, and says they can have phone sex. He sarcastically says, that’s so much fun, and she says, it’s better than nothing. She says she’s a generous wife, and he says, that’s for sure.

Twenty minutes to show time. Mikey says the house is packed. LisaR joins the other guests. Everyone is shocked that she’s wearing hair extensions and a ponytail. In her interview, she says her hair is iconic, and we flash back to her telling Brandi (gag) the same thing at a reunion. Her goal is another hairdo. She’s working on it, but you can’t beat this. Who looks better than her in her hair? Mauricio tries to take pictures of them, but Kyle says he’s the worst photographer in the world.

Erika gets ready to go on stage. She says, when the lights are off and the music starts, she gets really turned on. She salivates. She begins with It’s Expensive to be Me, and yells the traditional, what’s up L.A.? In LisaR’s interview, she says she’s proud of Erika. Everyone is freaking out and screaming. Erika Jayne is a rock star. In Teddi’s interview, she tells us Edwin was background dancer at clubs when he was a teenager. A guy does splits on stage, and Edwin says he definitely can’t do that. Teddi doesn’t know how good his moves are, but he definitely won her over with them. Erika does PAINKILLR, and the sound goes out. Mikey wonders what to do, and Erika is pissed. Don’t get pissed after you just said how lucky you are to be living your dream. So the concert will run late. So what? It’s not like she’s Madonna. Not that I think Madonna should get pissed either. Although she probably would. Damn. You’d think Mikey would know what to do. In her interview, LisaR says, sh*t happens. You’re live, and you’ve got to just keep on going. The sound comes back, and LisaR says, that’s show biz, baby. The audience doesn’t seem like they minded.

That’s it? Two songs? I hope we just didn’t see most of it. Mikey says they blew the power at the Globe. He’s never seen L.A. freak out like that. They’re not jaded. Erika asks if Tom liked the show, and they hug. He laughs, and says, it was unbelievable. She says all she needs is Mr. Girardi to think it’s good. He’s been with her since she told him at the kitchen table she wanted to perform again. This is because of him.

The gang comes backstage. Tom says, wasn’t it fun? And LisaR is proud of him too. Look how far Erika has come. Erika joins them, and everyone applauds. She hopes everyone had fun. She says they blew the power; that’s rock and roll. Kyle tries on Erika’s sparkly red boots, but they’re too tight. The guys sit on the couch, calling themselves the Three Stooges. Teddi doesn’t trust them together. Kyle jumps on Mauricio, and Edwin asks where his straddle is. Teddi spirits him away, and the cheese PK sits alone. In her interview, LisaR says Kyle and Mauricio are in love. Add tequila, and it’s on. Various people come back to see Erika. Teddi says she tried to get Edwin to audition for the Pretty Mess tour. He says he can do this, and does a pushup move.

At Villa Rosa, we see the rarity of Giggy (!) running around. LVP calls Camille, and says she misses her. Camille misses LVP too. She says she’s doing some last minute shopping for the wedding. LVP wonders if she can stop by for a cup of tea. In Camille’s interview, she says she was disappointed that LVP wasn’t at her bridal shower, but it’s easier to keep the peace than get into it. She wants to focus on the wedding and new beginnings, not arguing. LVP tells Giggy that they have to make some tea.

Teddi and Kyle take Portia and Slate to the nail salon. In Kyle’s interview, she says when Camille asked her to be a bridesmaid, it was unexpected. When she looks at their history, they’ve gone from her calling Camille an effing liar to saying, sure I’ll be your bridesmaid. She tells Teddi that her dress hasn’t arrived. She ordered it late, and Camille said they usually take a long time. She paid for rush shipping, but she’s tall and usually need to have everything altered. She’s cut bottoms off before. We see a clip of Kyle taking scissors to a formal dress. Teddi says they need nine outfits for the weekend. First, there’s paddle boarding, then a canoe competition. Kyle doesn’t want to wear a bathing suit, and Teddi tells her it says to wear one on the itinerary. Kyle jokes that she’s tired of this abuse. In her interview, Kyle says they’re leaving in a few days, and Teddi does know it all. Teddi talks about getting back at midnight, and Slate overhears. Teddi tells Slate not to worry. She tells Kyle that Slate will cry, but Cruz is a screamer. In her interview, Teddi says her business has grown. She has over 500 clients, and met with someone she thought she might want to partner with, but then got cold feet. In her interview, she says Slate told her that she was rushing bedtime. Her kids always know. Kyle says she’s closing stores, and just have one, keeping the focus online. In Kyle’s interview, she says she’s spread herself too thin. It’s a lot. The dogs alone are a full-time job. Don’t I know that. Teddi asks Slate what mommies say. Slate says, you always come back.

Camille arrives wearing a beautiful blue teddy bear coat. She brings LVP a box of chocolates. LVP says Camille is probably on the wedding diet. In her interview, LVP says she and Camille always had a good friendship. It’s great seeing her happy. They both gush over her ring. Camille says, the girls can be awful. LVP doesn’t want to include Camille. In Camille’s interview, she says she thought the right thing to do was to invite everyone, and try to be the better person. She says she wants LVP at her wedding, but also wants her to be comfortable. She asks if LVP will come. LVP says she’s always cared about Camille, but she can’t make the wedding. In her interview, she says as much as she wants to see Camille get married, she’s not going to put herself in a position where everyone is against her. She tells Camille that she can uninvite everyone else, and they laugh. Camille wants her there, but understands, and says, no pressure. In her interview, Camille says she’s been there. She was called delusional and a liar. Maybe she has more strength than LVP, who’s running. She wishes she could make it better. She says she cares about LVP, and so does Kyle. She tells LVP that she and Teddi had a thing. She thinks she knows everything when she doesn’t understand the dynamic. She hasn’t been there that long. LVP says none of them believe her. Do they want her to take a lie detector test? Camille says she can see Kyle’s sadness, and thinks Kyle really misses LVP. LVP says she’d be sad too, if she gave up a good friend. She’s always stepped to Kyle’s side. Camille says she watched them be supportive, and we flash back to LVP telling Camille that she just misinterpreted Kyle. LVP tells Camille that Kyle said she cared more about her image than her friends. It was like Kyle hit her. In Camille’s interview, she says LVP has never been a victim, and doesn’t live her life that way, but it’s sad to see her being one. LVP asks how many times is she supposed to forgive Kyle? Camille says they have a special friendship, but LVP says they don’t. It’s done. In LVP’s interview, she thinks Kyle enjoys throwing her under the bus a little too much. Unless she apologizes, and this changes for the positive, she doesn’t want to see Kyle again.

In her interview, Camille says this is not the Lisa she knows. That one would show up, and this one is running from everyone, and hiding the truth like an immature girl. She talks the talk, but Camille wants to see her walk the walk. She tells LVP not to lose faith. In LVP’s interview, she says when you fall apart, and have success putting yourself back together without that person, you realize you can live without them. She tells Puffy, it’s so nice, she might be better off.

24 hours later. LVP takes a polygraph test. Puffy! The administrator asks if she’s ever given a story to Radar Online. She says, the thing is quite tight.

Next time, Hawaii, Kyle learns to hula, and Mauricio asks if Kyle wants another kid.

🍹 The Return of Charm…

Why Bravo decided to air the new season of Southern Charm at 8 pm, I’ll never know, but there was no way I could catch it then. The next time around was at 11:30. I’ve barely had any sleep for the past two nights, and knew doing my usual thing was an impossibility if I wanted to sleep tonight. However, I love this show so much, I couldn’t not at least watch it – and we know by the previews that Ashley will be showing up where she’s not wanted – how can I resist? So while I was doing my routine multitasking, I jotted down some highlights. It did not disappoint.

We began with Thomas being arrested, and everyone’s reactions, which mostly consisted of, I don’t want to talk about it. Whitney was coming home after an extended jaunt in Europe, and Patricia decided to throw him a dinner party. It was nice to see Michael mix martinis again, as they discussed the invite list. Patricia told him the landscape had changed, No invite for Thomas. Patricia didn’t want to even think about him. Kathryn got one, and Patricia acknowledged she’d only been hearing part of the equation. We saw what a headache motherhood is for Cameran. She was at platinum level in real estate, and now forgets to call the appraiser. She told us, there’s no way to have it all. Oddly enough, that’s what Bethenny said tonight, and I totally agree. Even Helen Gurley Brown, who wrote Having It All, didn’t have it all. Craig got his act together after playing Robinson Caruso on an island for three months. Naomie has a new boyfriend, who also trains her at the gym, which might or might not be a plus. Austen is dating Madison, Patricia’s hair stylist. While they’re still together, Madison apparently walked in on a threesome. We saw actual footage. Not of that, but her coming in on them being there. Apparently, this had been posted on social media by one of the women. Shep told Cameran that Madison had a dalliance after Austen’s stupidity, which he thought was even worse.

At the party, Craig presented a pillow he’d made in the Bahamas to Patricia. He kept saying that interacting with him was too painful for Naomie, but I sure didn’t get that vibe at all. Shep brought some youngster named Eliza who’s close with Ashley and Thomas, which didn’t go over too well. Kathryn said Eliza had also spread lies about her after Thomas was arrested. Shep said he was furious about how hot it was, confirming that, although I adore the town, I will never be moving to Charleston.

Austen chose dinner to tell Chelsea that Kathryn and Whitney had slept together during the summer. Chelsea immediately pumped Whitney for information, but he said it wasn’t true. It did seem a little suspicious that he kept looking all over the place while he talked to her, but who knows? He could have just been wondering who else was listening in. Eliza also made a total ass of herself at dinner, by suggesting Kathryn could be a surrogate, and making stupid, kind of aggressive comments to Kathryn in general.

Everyone agreed that it was strange how many girls Shep had slept with, yet he’d never gotten one of them pregnant. Cameran suggested that Shep’s sperm were much like he was; lacking motivation, having an inability to commit, and listless. Cameran, Shep, and Austen tried to school Eliza on manners, but instead of taking their advice and just telling Kathryn how good she looks, she pulled Kathryn aside, apologizing. Cameran told the others to shut up because she wanted to listen, and Shep said he wanted to die. Like the lady she is now, Kathryn pretended not to know what Eliza was talking about, said her coattails were worn out, and left with dignity. Cameran said, that went well. I can’t wait for Ashley to show up. And be escorted out.

💎 It’s Expensive To Be Her…

No explanation necessary.