What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Diane visits Sonny’s old kitchen, aka home of the hallowed moss bowl🎍, and Carly asks if she wants coffee. Diane says, bless you, and Carly asks if she had a rough night. Diane says, rough morning. She forgot to set her alarm, then the line at Kelly’s was out the door. Carly asks why Diane didn’t just text and say she’d be late, but Diane says, never. Punctuality is her trademark. Carly says, one of many, and Diane says, before they get into the nitty-gritty, catch her up. What’s been going on? Carly says, Nina and Sonny are getting married, and Diane chokes on her coffee.

Nina is admiring her ring when Sonny comes out, and says, cappuccino for her, and espresso for him. She asks what he thinks people did before espresso machines, which is a good question, and he says, live a sad unfulfilled life. She takes a sip, and he says, so? She says, it’s delicious, but he says he was talking about the ring. Is she still a fan? She says, considering she’s obsessed with it, she thinks so, and he says he can get her a different one, but she says, it’s perfect. The setting is perfect, the stone is perfect, the coffee is perfect, he’s… He says, perfect, but she says, even better. He’s all hers. They kiss.

Alexis writes a text to Gregory: Just checking in. Here if you need me. She says, here goes nothin’, and sends it. Sam knocks at the door, and Alexis says, she’s early; how unlike her. Sam asks if that’s Alexis’s not so subtle way of saying she’s usually late, and Alexis hugs her. Sam says she came early because she wanted to talk to Alexis before Krissy got here. Alexis says, also, so Sam doesn’t lecture her, she reached out to Gregory. Sam asks if he responded, but Alexis says she just sent it a minute ago. Sam says, actually, she didn’t come here to talk to Alexis about Gregory. She wanted to talk to Alexis about her sister. Alexis says she’s worried about Molly too, but Sam says, not that sister. What’s going on with Molly?

TJ comes out as Molly is getting her bag ready for work, and she says she’s sorry if she woke him; she was trying to be quiet. He says, like she was last night? He didn’t hear her come in. She says, it was late, and he says, she must be tired. Why doesn’t she take the day off? She asks if he can please not treat her like she’s about to break, and he says he’s sorry. She tells him, there’s no reason for her to take the day off. She’s not sick. God knows she’s not pregnant, and she never will be.

Curtis lifts weights at Volovino’s, when Drew comes in. He says, hi, but Curtis doesn’t hear him because he’s busy flashing back to his conversation with Jordan, and Jordan asking if he’s on the rebound or are he and Portia really over; and if so, do they get a second chance?

At the hospital, Jordan is flashing back to her and Curtis kissing. Portia says she needs to speak with Jordan.

Sam tells Alexis that she knew something was up at Michael and Willow’s wedding. Molly seemed a little off to her, and she asked TJ if Molly was okay. He said she was fine, but he was glad she had her sisters. Two SEC agents showed up and questioned Carly, so the conversation got derailed, and now she feels terrible because she didn’t follow up. Alexis doesn’t want her to feel terrible. She thinks Molly will tell Sam about it when she feels the time is right for her, and she thinks the time is soon. Sam asks how worried she should be, but Alexis says she shouldn’t be worried. This is not life threatening. She’ll be fine. What about Kristina? Sam says, the foundation Sonny is helping her set up. She thinks it’s an amazing idea, and can do a lot for the LGBTQ+ community. However, she doesn’t think Kristina is grasping the reality of what she’s getting herself into. She feels like Kristina needs guidance. Alexis asks, who doesn’t? when there’s a knock at the door. Alexis says, it’s her middle girl, and she and TempKristina (see below) hug. Kristina tells them that she’s about to change Port Charles forever. Wanna see?

TJ tells Molly, it’s still too soon to say they can’t have children, but she  tells him, she didn’t say that. She said she can’t get pregnant. He says he just meant that they can still create and raise a family together. It might not look like they thought it would, but when have they ever been conventional. She asks if it’s okay if they don’t talk about their options right now. She knows they need to figure it out, and they will, but right now, she’s a little bit overwhelmed. He says he gets it. They have all the time in the world to figure out what’s next. Honestly, he’s more focused on her right now. Endometriosis is a serious condition, and Dr. Navarro says she has a serious case. Which means she’s been suffering symptoms all this time and he didn’t know. Why didn’t she tell him?

Drew comes over to Curtis, and asks if he’s okay. Curtis says, all good, and asks if he and Drew are good. Drew asks why they wouldn’t be, and Curtis says he heard Drew and Carly have been seeing each other for a while now, and if memory serves him correctly, he said some not so nice things about Carly’s lies to Nina. Drew says, that’s not why he kept it a secret. There’s some things Curtis doesn’t know. Plus, Curtis was just telling the truth, and he likes that he can count on Curtis for that. If anyone knows their own mind, it’s Curtis.

Jordan suggests they go somewhere more private, but Portia says she doesn’t need privacy for this. She wants to say thank you. If not for Jordan, Trina wouldn’t have made it back to Port Charles. Jordan says, what she did was a team effort, and Portia says, Jordan was a major part of that team. She put her career in jeopardy to hold off the WSB. She just wants Jordan to know she’ll forever be grateful.

Nina says she wishes this could last forever, and Sonny says, that’s the plan; til death do us part. She says she means the part where it’s just them; the dinner, the coffee this morning… Pretty soon, the whole world is going to know they’re engaged. He asks if she doesn’t think they know right now, and she wonders if they should have celebrated so publicly last night, but he says, they have nothing to hide. She says she agrees with him, but they have to face it. Not everyone is going to be as happy about them getting married as they are.

Diane asks how Carly feels about the Nina situation, as she soaks up the radiance of the moss bowl🎍 , and Carly says she’s not exactly thrilled about it. Her heart’s not being ripped out of her chest or anything. She and Sonny are divorced. They’ve both moved on, and she’s happy that he’s happy. It’s just… Diane says, Carly wishes he was happy with literally anyone else, and Carly says, it’s Nina. That woman devastated her family, and now she’s positioned to be even closer to them. It’s appalling to her, but there’s no stopping Sonny once he’s made up his mind, so she just has to figure out a way to live with it. Diane says, Sonny is a difficult man, and Carly says, ya think? Diane says she knows this because he’s a difficult client, but a relationship with him has to be an endurance event. Carly says, Diane doesn’t think Nina can handle it, does she? and Diane says she thinks if Nina wants to, she’d better start her conditioning now, but she’s not optimistic. Carly says she doesn’t have the energy or the desire to unpack Nina, and Diane says, fair enough. Let’s get down to business, shall we? Carly says, her case with the SEC. Go. Diane says, Carly has options, but she’s not going to like them.

Molly says, it’s not like it was excruciating, and TJ says, but she was in pain often. Was it constant? She says, no, but it was often enough. She guesses it depended on where she was in her cycle. He asks if it hurt when they had sex, and she says, sometimes, not all the time. He asks why she didn’t say anything, and she says, because she didn’t want it to hurt. Everything else about it – being close to him, cuddling with him, having him hold her in his arms – she loved those things, and didn’t want to ruin it by saying she’s feeling a little crampy tonight and doesn’t really want to. He says he feels like a monster, but she says, no. He says, his partner has been in pain and he didn’t even know, and she says, because she didn’t let him know. He asks why she’d hide something like that from him, but she says she wasn’t hiding it; she was dealing with it.

Kristian spreads out a blueprint on the table, and says she has to talk to the contractor, but she wanted to show them first. Sam says, then she’s already hired an architect, but Kristina says she doesn’t need one. All she’s doing is knocking down a couple of walls. Sam says, which requires a permit, but Kristina says, the contractor’s going to figure all that out. This is her chance to really make a difference. She knows she’s said that before, but it’s for real this time, and would mean the world to have their support, especially Alexis’s.

Sonny tells Nina, last night was perfect (WOTD). He doesn’t care what people think. Nina says she agrees with him, but unfortunately, they don’t live in a vacuum. There’s a knock at the door, and he says, they don’t? That’s Ava dropping off Avery, and he doesn’t want Avery to know until he tells Ava first. She says, her lips are sealed, turning her ring around, and he answers the door. Avery hugs Sonny, then runs to Nina, and Ava says, Avery was excited Nina was going to be here today. Nina says she’s super excited. She’s been thinking about this. Playground, park, carousel. Avery says, yeah, and Nina asks, which one? Avery says, all of them, and Sonny says, what about me? Nina asks if Avery thinks they should let her dad join them, and Avery notices the ring, asking, what’s that? The sparkly ring? Mommy used to wear one just like that.

Curtis asks Drew, what’s this with the SEC? They questioned him? Drew says, thanks to Ned Quartermaine, he and Carly are being charged with insider trading. Curtis says, Ned turned them in? and Drew says, he didn’t admit it of course (🍷), but he doesn’t know who else it could be. Curtis asks if they have a case, and Drew says, they have a strong case. The SEC is coming at them hard, for whatever reason, and it doesn’t seem like they’re interested in a deal. At least not with both of them. Curtis helps Drew get boxing gloves on, and Drew says, of course (🍷) his Aunt Tracy had the brilliant suggestion he should turn Carly in. Curtis says, damn, that’s cold, and Drew says, it’s not an option, but just between them – Curtis says, of course (🍷) – he needs to disarm Ned. He’s rich and he’s got power. He could strongarm the SEC and make this whole thing go away. Curtis doubts he’ll do it willingly, and Drew says, Carly doesn’t deserve any of this. He’s going to do everything in his power to make sure he protects her. He punches the heavy bag.

Diane says, before they get into strategy, she wants to be walked through Carly’s actions as though she’s never heard it before. Carly says she knew Michael and Drew were planning to merge ELQ and Aurora, and Diane says, arguably a sacrifice for Drew. Carly says, Drew liked having his company independent of ELQ. The only reason he agreed to the merger was to help his family. Since Michael’s her son and at the time Drew was just a friend, she wanted to help them. Diane says, so Carly bought stock in Aurora before the merger, and Carly says, yes. Aurora is the smaller company, so the more it’s worth, the more equal the merger would be. The irony is, Drew told her not to do it. And Michael did too. Diane says, fortunately, Michael has no part in this because he owns no stock in Aurora, and they’re going to leave him out of it. So Drew cautioned her not to buy the shares, and she… Carly says, didn’t listen. Now Drew is caught up in her mistake. She didn’t mean for it to be insider trading. She was just trying to help. Diane says she gets it. The SEC probably gets it too. The problem is, they don’t care. Carly knew before the public that there was a merger planned, and she acted on it. Carly says, that makes her guilty, and Diane says, her and Drew both.

Molly tells TJ that she’s always had painful periods; cramping and bloating and tenderness. This was more severe, but it wasn’t completely foreign, so she thought it was just what happens as you get older. So she took ibuprofen and got on with life. TJ asks if it even helped, and she says she’s sorry, but he says he’s not asking her to apologize. He just wants to understand. Did she ever think to get checked out? She says, no. She just told him that she thought it was normal. He says, being in pain all the time is not normal, and she says, it wasn’t all the time, but he says, she’s not casual about her health. She asks what he wants her to say. She got used to it. He says, but why? If you’re not feeling well, you go to the doctor. Obviously, something was wrong. She says, not to her, and the last thing she needs is for him to keep piling it on right now. She feels guilty enough. He says, for what? and she says, because she ignored her symptoms; she didn’t get examined. She cries, and says, if she’d just gotten diagnosed earlier and started treatment sooner… but it’s too late for that. It’s all her fault.

Kristina tells Alexis and Sam, so this is the common space. A place to hang out, have fun, and support each other. She wants the kids to feel safe. Like when they walk through those doors, they know that everything is fine and they’re going to be okay. Alexis says, sounds wonderful, and Kristina says, the offices will be here, with the staff; they’ll be nearby. She wants to hire young people. Less like administrators and more like their peers. It’s going to be bright and airy and open, and really colorful. Sam says, it sounds like a major renovation, but Kristina says, actually, it’s not. Sam says, she’s knocking down walls and stuff. Won’t it increase her property taxes? Kristina says, maybe, but it will be so worth it in the long run, and Sam asks if she’s even started fundraising yet. Kristina says, no. She needed to have something to show before she started asking for money. Sam says, mom… but Alexis says she trusts Kristina. If she thinks it’s worth it, it’s worth it. Kristina holds up a paper printed with the letters CD covered by a roof in rainbow colors, The Corinthos-Davis House underneath, and says, and this is their logo. How beautiful is it? Do they love it? Alexis says she loves it, and Kristina asks Sam, what now? Sam says, nothing. She just thinks it’s a little premature to hire a graphic designer. Kristina asks how she’s supposed to have a website if she doesn’t have a logo, and Alexis says, an online presence is very important. Sam says, absolutely, but so is hiring an accountant and registering as a non-profit, and Kristina asks, so what is Sam’s deal? Does she just not believe in this project? Or is it her Sam doesn’t believe in?

Drew finishes with the heavy bag, and tells Curtis that he thinks Tracy is Ned’s Achilles heel. If he could just scrounge up some dirt on her. Curtis says, if Drew needs a man, he’s got one. Drew has always been there for him. Drew says, no way is he dragging anyone else into this mess. Besides, Curtis has enough on his plate. Any developments on the Trina front? Curtis says, she took the DNA test; the results should be in soon. Drew says, good. He thinks if the positions were reversed, he doesn’t think he’d be handling it as collected and cool as Curtis is right now. Curtis says he’s been living at the boxing gym. It helps keep his mind off things. Drew asks if Curtis and Portia have been discussing the next steps, but Curtis says, they’re all in a holding pattern, just trying to see what’s what. Drew says, the reason he’s asking is, he thought after Greenland, they were on the same page, and Curtis says, about bringing Trina home, yeah, but everything else, no. After his time in Greenland, he reevaluated his plans. Drew says, such as? and Curtis says, if he should have ended his marriage so quickly to Jordan.

Portia says, Jordan has gone above and beyond. When they needed Oz Haggerty’s testimony, she bought them time. Jordan says she doesn’t know what Portia is talking about, and neither does Portia. Portia says, it’s just that ever since Trina came home, it’s become clear to her that Jordan’s been looking out for her family, and she never gave Jordan credit for it. So this is her saying thank you, and she’s truly sorry that she’s just realizing it now. She just hopes Jordan can accept her apology.

Sonny says Avery knows he loves Nina very much. He took a chance, and asked her to marry him. Avery asks if she said yes, and Nina says she did. Sonny asks what Avery thinks about that, and Avery asks if she can be a flower girl. Nina thinks that can be arranged, and Sonny says, she’s already been practicing. Avery says, this is the best news ever, and hugs Nina. Nina says, Avery has no idea how happy that makes her. She can hardly wait to be part of Avery’s family. Avery says, her neither, and asks if she can go on her tablet. Sonny says, it’s by her bedside, and Avery runs off. Nina says, Ava’s been very quiet. Isn’t she going to say congratulations?

Diane tells Carly, here are the people responsible. The person who gave out the insider information, and the person who acted on said information. Carly says, me, and Diane says, ultimately, they are both culpable. From a legal standpoint, not a moral or emotional one. Drew has the option to say Carly acted without his knowledge. That he wasn’t even a participant. That he wasn’t even the one who gave her the insider information. Carly says, in other words, lie, and Diane says, likewise, Carly can say Drew came to her and asked her to purchase stock in Aurora. He gave her no private information; she was just following instructions. Carly says, that’s literally the opposite of what happened, and Diane tells her, she’s just saying this is how Carly can strike a deal with the Feds. She had no private information; no private knowledge. She was just doing a favor for a friend. Carly says, no. Drew wouldn’t do that to her, and she’s not going to do it to him. Diane says, in that case, there is another alternative. She was speaking with a friend in the DA’s office, a trusted source. She had an interesting tidbit to share. They gravitate back to the moss bowl🎍, and Diane says she thinks they can all agree, the SEC is least interested in Carly. Carly says, Drew is definitely the more high profile get, sure, and Diane says, in terms of high profile, a corporate CEO pales in comparison to Sonny Corinthos. Does she know who’s right across the hall from the SEC? The Justice Department. Carly says, no, and Diane says, Carly knows where all the bodies are buried, so if she decides to give them Sonny, she can write her ticket to freedom. I’m shocked at Diane’s suggestion, and Carly says, no. Diane says, even though he’s marrying a woman she can’t stand? and Carly says, he can be marrying Hannibal Lecter for all she cares. She’s not giving up Sonny. Diane says she just wanted to make sure Carly understood the parameters, and Carly says, let’s just focus on her other options, but Diane says, she has none.

Sonny says, they planned to tell Ava first. They didn’t want to spring it on Avery like that, but things happen. Ava says, for better or worse, nothing gets by their daughter these days. She tells them, congrats, and Nina thanks her. Ava asks when Sonny popped the question, and Nina says, last night. Ava asks if Carly knows, and Sonny says, not yet. Ava says, he might want to get on that. She knows Avery. She’s going to tell the mailman, and Donna, and the barista at Charlie’s, and anybody and everybody who will listen. Sonny says, she’s probably right. He’s going to head over there right now. He asks if Nina is all right with Avery, but Ava says she’ll hang around. Nina says she’d like that, and Sonny leaves. Nina says, he’s gone. So does Ava want to tell her what she really thinks?

Sam says, of course (🍷) she believes in Kristina, but Kristina says, it doesn’t sound like it. Sam says, Kristina’s compassion, her vision, her creativity, all of it. Sam wants to see her get the shelter up and running more than anything, but it’s going to be difficult. There’s going to be a lot of hoops to jump through, and she doesn’t think Kristina is getting that right now. For starters, she’s going to be housing a lot of at risk teenagers, who have been emotionally traumatized, possibly exploited, and she’s going to need professionals to help her with that. So instead of picking out colors for paint, she’d hire a psychiatrist as a consultant. Kristina says she knows; she’s getting there. Sam says, it’s like Kristina’s priorities are all in the wrong order, and asks why Alexis isn’t chiming in here. Alexis says she’s trusting that Kristina knows what she’s getting into, and Kristina thanks her. Sam says, they’ve heard this before. Kristina has all of these great ideas and this vision, and then it doesn’t work out the way she wants it to. It’s not because Sam doesn’t believe in her. It’s because Kristina never follows through.

TJ says he doesn’t blame Molly at all, but she says, he was just upset because she didn’t see a doctor. He says he was upset because she was in pain, and he hates that; not because he thinks she’s at fault. She says she feels so guilty. She feels like she let him down. He says, no, but she says she was supposed to carry his baby, now she can’t. He says, she’s not supposed to do anything. Nothing is expected of her. They’re in this together. She tells him, he says that and she knows he really believes it, but it’s different when you’re a woman. She so wanted to give him this gift. To do this thing that women do every single day, and they have been for centuries. And to know that she can’t… He says, we can’t, and she says, except there’s nothing wrong with him. It’s her. She thinks she needs some time to come to terms with that. He asks what he can do, and she says, honestly, nothing. She has to get to work. He asks her not to leave, but she keeps walking and goes out the door.

It’s Curtis’s turn at the heavy bag, and Drew says he must be losing it. He could have sworn Curtis said Jordan. Curtis says he did. They’ve been spending a lot of time together lately, and recently Jordan admitted she still has feelings for him. So now he’s asking himself, did he give up on their marriage too quickly? Drew says, that’s a big question. He can certainly understand why Curtis would be drawn back to Jordan, but has he talked to Portia? Curtis says, about Jordan? but Drew says, no, about him and Portia. Before he starts reevaluating his relationship with his ex, shouldn’t he examine the state of his marriage?

Jordan says, Portia has nothing to apologize for, but Portia says she kinda does. Jordan gave her great advice. She told Portia to tell the truth to Curtis about Trina. If she’d listened to Jordan, if she’d done it sooner… But what did she do? She accused Jordan of trying to break them up. It’s so ironic. Jordan says, the what if game never does anyone any good. In all honesty, she should have never interfered. Portia says she’s glad Jordan did. It’s far messier than she could have imagined, but at least the truth is out. Maybe she should ask Jordan what she should do next. If Jordan were her, how would she save Portia’s marriage?

Curtis tells Drew, Portia’s the one who lied to him. He doesn’t owe her anything. Drew says he agrees, but Curtis just said he’s afraid he ended things too quickly with his ex. Isn’t it possible he’s making the same mistake with Portia? Curtis says he can’t get past it. Every time he’s in the same room as Portia, all he can think about is the dishonesty, and Drew asks how much time they spend together. Curtis says, not much, and Drew says he’s going to stand by Curtis, no matter what, but unless he can say for certain that he doesn’t love Portia anymore… Curtis says, it doesn’t matter. Love or no love, it doesn’t change what she did. Drew says, but it does affect Curtis’s capacity to forgive.

Portia tells Jordan, sorry. She’s going to retract that question. She’s been so worried about Trina, she hasn’t gotten an ounce of sleep. She thanks Jordan for the talk, and starts to leave, but Jordan asks her to wait. She can’t offer advice on Curtis, but she can say this about Trina because she’s been there. Focus on forgiving herself. Mothers are human; they make mistakes too. In time, Trina will see that.

Kristina says she would have expected this from mom, but not Sam. Sam says she wants Kristina to be successful, but Kristina says she doesn’t. Sam just wants to suck the joy out of everything she gets excited about. Alexis says, that’s not true, and Kristina asks if she’s even been listening. Kristina’s phone rings, and Alexis says, both she and Sam are supportive of her. Sam says, absolutely, and Alexis says, if anyone can get this shelter going, Kristina can. Kristina says, now she’s going to be on the call with the contractor, and it’s actually perfect timing. She steps away, and Sam says, that went well. Alexis asks if Sam didn’t come down a little hard on Kristina, but Sam says, Kristina is an adult. She needs to understand what she’s actually getting into. Alexis says she agrees, and Sam says, you could have fooled me. What are they supposed to do? Alexis says, last time she interfered with Kristina’s career, Kristina didn’t speak to her for a month. Sam says, now Kristina isn’t going to speak to her for a month. She probably hates Sam more now. Alexis says, just give her some time, and she’ll value the advice Sam gave her, and Sam says she’s actually proud of how Alexis bit her tongue. Alexis says she’s proud of herself. She’s getting better. She also can’t predict the future, so if that’s the case, why not just have faith?

Diane says, Carly is in a very poor position. Technically, she’s guilty of insider trading. She has two paths that could get her out of it… Carly says, which are non-starters, and Diane says, which leaves Carly holding the bag. Carly says, for her own actions. She wants Diane to do everything in her power to fight these charges, but at the end of the day, it’s her mess, and if she has to pay for it, she will. Diane says, understood. She thanks Carly for the coffee, blows the moss bowl🎍 a kiss, and leaves.

Ava says she already told Nina that she’s happy for her, and Nina says, once more, this time with feeling. Ava asks what Nina wants from her, and Nina says, for starters, the truth. Ava says, does she? The truth is, Nina’s relationship has been a ticking time bomb since she turned Carly into the SEC. Nina asks why Carly shouldn’t pay, and Ava says, because she’s Carly. She doesn’t know how to tell Nina this, but Carly and Sonny have been through everything – the good, the bad, the ugly – for well over twenty years, and Nina’s been in a relationship with Sonny for like, two? Nina says, that shouldn’t matter, and Ava says, but it does. If Sonny finds out that Nina turned Carly in, it’s over forever.

On the phone, TJ leaves a message for Molly, saying, he doesn’t like how their conversation ended. He’s so sorry for all of it, but most of all that she felt alone in this. Just know he loves her and he’s here. Always.

Sam says, Alexis’s support means so much to Kristina. Maybe with this extra boost of confidence she might be able to pull this off. Alexis says, who knows? Stranger things have happened. Don’t tell her sister she said that. Sam says, never.

Drew tells Curtis that he’s sorry. This is such a tough spot. He wishes he could help. Curtis says, he already has, and leaves.

Portia says she can’t tell Jordan how much she appreciates that, but Jordan says, Portia is giving her way too much credit. Portia says she’s not giving Jordan enough credit, but Jordan tells her, stop. She’s not the person Portia thinks she is.

Ava says, there’s really no easy way out of this. Either Nina comes clean, and accepts she and Sonny are over, and maybe they can find their way back to each other in a few years; or she keeps digging the hole she’s digging, and prays she gets to China. Nina says, Ava is right. Because of her stupid, impulsive decision, she planted the seeds to lose both Sonny and Willow. Ava says she’s sorry it’s come to this, and Nina says, so is she. She doesn’t have any other options. She only has one choice. It’s time for the gloves to come off.

There’s a knock at Sonny’s old kitchen door, and Carly says, come in. Sonny walks in.

Tomorrow, Portia asks if Curtis is officially ending things; Jordan tells Anna that there’s a secret weighing on her conscience; and Carly tells Sonny, sometimes the simplest solution is the truth.

👟 Stepping In…

I knew I knew her from somewhere.

Vanderpump Rules – The Reunion – Part 1

FYI, I’m sure I missed a bunch of stuff. There was a lot of yelling and separate conversations going on. That’s why I hate a Reunion. They all talk at once, then start yelling, and I lose track of what’s being said. Anyway, here we go with this sad awfulness.

Andy says, this is a reunion that may be more explosive and dramatic than anything seen in the show’s ten year history.

The players in this season’s triangle did separate interviews with Andy, and we see that first. Andy asks how Sandoval is doing; it’s his final chance to come clean. Sandoval says he’s doing okay, and agrees that he’s the most hated man on television.

Andy asks how Ariana is doing, and she says, better than a few weeks ago. He tells her that she looks great despite what happened (upside!), and asks about her and Sandoval’s current living status. She says, Sandoval is staying in the guest room, and she tries to avoid run-ins with him. They have people running interference and go-betweens.

Andy asks how Raquel is feeling about seeing everyone in a group setting, and true to beauty queen form, she has her prepared response of, she’s preparing for the worst, and hoping for the best.

Andy asks if Ariana has seen or spoken to Raquel, and she says, no. It took Raquel – who she calls Rachel now, as they all do – 48 hours to text her. She told Ariana that she didn’t know what to say, and she was sorry. Ariana told her, f*** off, you f***ing rat, and blocked her.  

Andy asks when Sandoval realized he had feelings for Raquel, and Sandoval says, throughout last year, he started to see who she really was. I’ll refrain from adding who I think that is. Andy asks when they first hooked up, and Sandoval says, they’d been at guys night, then the next time there was a See You Next Tuesday, the show was filming, but they weren’t a part of it. Some of them went to The Abbey that night, and he and Raquel had sex.

Andy asks if Ariana was suspicious, and she says, absolutely not. Andy says, in watching the show, she vehemently stood up for Sandoval, and we flash back to Ariana saying she trusts and loves both Sandoval and Raquel. She says she felt like he was a loyal and committed partner, and she trusted him.

Andy says, Sandoval claims he and Raquel weren’t together when they went glamping, and Sandoval says, after that first time, they took a break. Andy asks when it kicked back up to romance, and Sandoval says, after they went to Life is Beautiful; after they’d wrapped filming. Andy says, before Bravocon. He wonders what Sandoval was thinking when, during his concert, he looked out to see his girlfriend and his mistress (I thank him for using that word, and I’m sure Lala does too) next to each other. Did it get him off? Tom says, no, but I bet it did.

Andy asks Ariana, looking back, are there situations where she wonders how she missed it? and she says, of course. More so with Raquel than Sandoval. They all know men are trash – no offense – but she trusts her girlfriends. This was someone who’d ingratiated themselves in her life. How could they be so close? She’d expect it more from a guy, but she can’t imagine doing that to one of her friends.

Andy asks how Sandoval could cheat on his girlfriend of nine years with one of her closest friends, and Sandoval says, he and Ariana kept their relationship private for many years; they had issues. He felt like her gay BFF, and they put on a front for filming. He even talked to a showrunner about it. We see some unseen footage, where Sandoval tells some guy that he feels guilty. He feels it’s important to talk about sh*t and not pretend it’s all amazing. He doesn’t think it’s fair to the rest of the cast.

Andy asks Ariana if there were elements of the relationship that she and Sandoval were hiding, but she says, she felt they showed everything. Sandoval is framing it now as something else, because he’s desperate to throw anything at the wall, hoping it sticks. He used to coach her like he coached Raquel. They’ve got to get their lies and stories straight, and get their spin right, so they can have matching answers Andy says, it looks like she’s moved on from tears to anger, and she says, the indifference is becoming strong.

Andy asks how Sandoval feels about seeing everyone. He says he’s nervous and scared, but ready to face it.

Schwartz is the first on the set, and Andy asks if he was silent or was silenced. Schwartz says, both. On her way in, Lisa says she feels like she’s dressed like a gladiator, and might need to be. She sees Ariana, and says, that’s a revenge dress if she ever saw one. When Sandoval comes out, Ariana says, he looks like sh*t, and Lala says she hates him. Me too.

Andy says, let’s dive in to the Season 10 Reunion, and introduces everyone – minus Raquel who is not legally allowed in the same room as Scheana, due to a restraining order. We see Raquel watching from her trailer. Lisa says, normally she doesn’t like Reunions, but this one is much needed. Andy asks how Ariana is feeling, and she says, as good as she could be feeling. She did have a great night’s sleep, which she usually doesn’t before a Reunion. Andy asks if it’s Sandoval’s first time seeing the group since news of the affair broke, and Sandoval says, yes. Andy asks how he’s feeling, and he says he’s all over the place. Andy says, it’s the first time Schwartz isn’t sitting next to Katie at a Reunion, and Schwartz says, it’s strange, and kind of sad. He tells Andy that he and Katie put in post-divorce work on their relationship, but Katie disagrees. Andy says, since most women are angry at Sandoval and Schwartz, is James now the number one guy? And James says, it’s not hard to compete with Schwartz and a clown. Andy congratulates Scheana on her wedding, and asks if they’re still in the honeymoon phase. She says, they are, and that Brock cut all his hair off. Andy says, the most burning thing they have to talk about is the affair that happened right under their noses. We flash back to Ally’s interview, where she talked about seeing Sandoval with Raquel at The Abbey, and wondered where Ariana was. Next, we relive Ken saying that Sandoval had Raquel over when Ariana wasn’t home, and then Lala saying Sandoval was with Raquel all day after Ariana’s grandmother died. Andy says, they’ll get in a bit now, and talk about it more when Raquel comes out. He asks if there’s anything Sandoval wants to say, and Sandoval starts sniffling. James tells him to pull himself together, and Ariana says, the sad sack act is f***ing BS. James says, it’s not an audition. He accuses Sandoval of crying crocodile tears, and calls him a p*ssy. Sandoval says he appreciates everybody being there for Ariana, and the world collectively rolls its eyes. He says, no matter what was going on in their relationship, she didn’t deserve to have this happen. Ariana says, nothing happened; he did it. He says he’s sorry for doing the one thing he said he wouldn’t, and he did it in the worst way possible. James and Lala are both unimpressed, and Ariana says, he’s been victim blaming her 100%, and this is bullsh*t. Andy asks if Sandoval is still living in the house, and Sandoval says, off and on. Andy says, when Lala and Randall broke up, she got out quickly, and he asks if Lala thinks this is healthy. Lala says, no. Given ten years, Sandoval is Randall. She couldn’t get Randall to stay home, but once they broke up, she couldn’t get him out. That’s a narcissist, and Sandoval is a dangerous human being. Lisa thinks that’s a ridiculous stance, and Lala says she didn’t ask Lisa’s opinion. When someone does that to a life partner, there’s something wrong with them. Sandoval says, who is she to be judging his character? and she tells him, STFU. Lisa says, they’re here for ten hours. They can’t start like this. Andy asks what Ariana thinks caused the divide, not spending quality time together? but Ariana says, Sandoval f***ing other people. Andy asks if there were more than Raquel, and we flash back to Sandoval telling Scheana about cheating with someone else. Ariana says, Sandoval made these choices, and Andy asks what Sandoval thinks caused the demise of the relationship, and Sandoval says, communication dissipated, but Ariana says, it’s not like they never had conversation. Andy says, Sandoval claimed they hadn’t been intimate in years, but Ariana says, that’s not true. Besides, having intimacy issues doesn’t excuse anything. You work on it or break up. Andy asks if the rest of the group sensed there were significant issues in the relationship. Schwartz nods, and Scheana says, not until recently. She and Lala had a conversation where Lala said she thought something was going on with Sandoval and Raquel. Scheana said, they were fine and in a good place. Andy asks Lala when the conversation happened, and she says, in January. James keeps sending jabs Sandoval’s way, and Sandoval says, he’s been supportive of James. Lala says, Sandoval paid for half of James and Raquel’s engagement, and James says, it just goes to show how much of a friend Sandoval wasn’t. James gets up, and Sandoval tells James to get out of his face. Andy separates them.

During the commercial break, my feelings take the shape of gummi bears, and I eat them.

Sandoval says he stood up for James, and James says, Sandoval is a nobody, nothing, a loser, a backstabbing ho. Sandoval says, if James gets in his face again, he’s going to f*** James up. This is all the provocation James needs, and they have to be separated again. James says he’s going to beat Sandoval’s ass, and Andy tells him to stay in his chair. James says he’s going to the bathroom, and calls Sandoval a worm with a mustache. When James leaves, Sandoval says, James pees on a fire hydrant like a dog, and Raquel is his fire hydrant. Lala tells him to stop bringing in things from 500 years ago. This was Sandoval’s life partner, not Kristen Doute. Stop pulling out the history books. James comes back, and Andy asks why Sandoval didn’t come clean. Lisa says, the million dollar question, and Sandoval says, Ariana was going through a lot, and he didn’t want to add anything. Andy asks when Sandoval told Schwartz, and Schwartz says, in July, Sandoval was saying he wasn’t happy, then after guys night out, he confided in Schwartz the next day. Ariana says, when Charlotte’s body wasn’t even cold, and we flash back to her leaving the girls trip because of Charlotte. Schwartz says, he didn’t know that, and Katie asks when he found out, and Schwartz says, late August. He and Sandoval met up, and Sandoval broke it down for him. Sandoval is like, what? and Lala asks if they didn’t put their timelines together. We see a clip of Andy’s interview with Sandoval, and he says, it was mid to late January. Andy asks if Schwartz knew when he kissed Raquel, but he says, no, and we flash back to that. Andy asks if he had a gut feeling, since he talked about Raquel possibly having a crush on someone else. We flash back to that, and Schwartz says he wasn’t talking about Sandoval. Sandoval had said it was a one night stand, and would never happen again. It was a mistake, alcohol. After that, things went back to normal. Scheana asks if this was before they went glamping, Schwartz says, yes, and we flash back to Schwartz saying Raquel has a type; men that are taken. Schwartz says, Sandoval and Raquel spent an inappropriate amount of time together, and Andy asks why Sandoval encouraged Schwartz and Raquel to make out. Was he a decoy? Sandoval says, absolutely not. After he and Raquel hooked up, he said it was never going to happen again. Lisa says, it’s perverse, and Katie says, it’s a great excuse. Look over here instead of at us. Andy says, Sandoval cheated with Miami Girl early in the relationship, and we flash back to that. Sandoval’s excuse for this is – wait for it – he wanted to feel single one more time before getting serious. Andy asks Ariana why she was forgiving of Miami Girl, and Ariana says, they weren’t exclusive, and she wanted everyone see best in him. Like I said, a lot is going on, and Sandoval brings up Kristen again, but no one cares. Lala tells him, it’s not that serious. It wasn’t like being in a committed relationship, then f***ing his partner’s best friend.  

Andy says, it’s easy to forget that, before the affair, the group was dealing with three seismic breakups; Lala and Randall, James and Raquel, and Schwartz and Katie. He asks what made Katie realize it was the end of the road, and she says, realizing she wasn’t happy, and Schwartz prioritized everyone over her. Schwarz says, prioritizing the bar was a necessity, but Katie says, and everything else; friends, parties, strangers. So she made a choice she didn’t want to. Schwartz says, their intimacy had dwindled, and he was going through a lot, losing his father, his brother, and his money. But he’d never expect Katie to put her feelings on hold to stay with him out of pity. Katie says, they went from being husband and wife to being friends. Looking back, she thinks she’d do it differently, and not be friends right away. Schwartz says, he would have been reasonable had Katie fallen for someone else in the group. When they were still living together, Katie was hooking up. Katie says, Schwartz could have done the same thing, but Schwartz says, the friend code is murky. If the roles were reversed, and she’d made out with Peter, he would have been okay with it. He’s sorry he hurt Katie’s feelings in Mexico, but somehow the kiss was liberating. I don’t necessarily hate Schwartz. I just want to pat him on the head and tell him to go lie down. Lala says, Schwartz felt that way and Raquel was f***ing his best friend the whole time. Sandoval says, one time, but Lala says, it doesn’t matter. Andy says, no one has clean hands except Katie and Lisa. James cheated on Kristen – James points out he was in his early 20s – Ariana was with Sandoval before he broke up with Kristen, Schwartz made out with everyone while he was married, and James and Lala often had something going on. Lala says, none of them were f***ing their best friend’s man, and Andy moves on. He asks where Schwartz and Katie stand in building a friendship, and Katie says, she looks for honesty, respect, and integrity. Schwartz complains that he has to abide by her terms, like that’s unreasonable, and Katie says she’s setting boundaries. James says, staying out of the friend group is the least Schwartz could do out of respect for her as a woman, and Sandoval says, that’s sexist. The world gives a collective blank stare. Andy asks if Jo is a girlfriend to Schwartz, and he says, she’s a friend, although it evolved into a friend with benefits thing. They were both coming out of long term relationships, and were each other’s happy place. Katie says, Jo is a creep and no one likes her, and Schwartz says, Katie is going to get a cease and desist if she doesn’t quit commenting about Jo on social media. We see some comments, but I’m like, eh, grow up. Andy asks Katie if Jo is in the friend group, and Katie says, by proxy. She was a friend of Kristen’s, but she blocked Kristen as soon as she moved in with Schwartz. Andy asks if Jo and Schwartz didn’t double-date with Sandoval and Raquel, but Schwartz says, they just all went snowboarding. James says, Raquel hates snowboarding, and just went to s*ck Sandoval’s d*ck.

Andy asks the Toms how far away they’d thought the opening of Schwartz & Sandy’s was after they had their first party, and Schwartz says, they’d thought the end of August; it was naïve. Andy asks when they ended up opening, and Schwartz tells him, November 2^nd. Andy says, the food seemed to be holding them up, and Sandoval says, they’ve been through three chefs. Andy wonders why they just didn’t open the bar with minimal food to start, and Sandoval says, they would have loved to. Lisa says, Greg didn’t want to, and Andy asks how it’s going now. Schwartz says, it’s great. They have good food and gotten good feedback. Lisa says, they didn’t know what they were doing, and why should they, since they’d never done it before. She didn’t like Sandoval saying they didn’t need her, and we flash back to Sandoval’s interview, where he said they were glad not to be under LVP’s thumb. Lisa says she’s done everything to give them a start. She gave them 5% of TomTom. It cost $5 million, they each put in $50K, and she ended up giving it back when they needed the money before Schwartz & Sandy’s opened. It’s a sh*tshow, but she’s been on that side, and it’s not an easy place to be. Andy asks if they took a hit after the news of the affair, and Schwartz says, a little bit. There was boycott momentum at first, but it’s good now. Lala says, people were writing Team Ariana on the tips, and Schwartz admits there was Team Ariana and F*** Tom graffiti in the bathroom. Andy asks if Ariana is going to stop speaking to Lisa since she’s still friendly with Sandoval, and Ariana says, they won’t be as close. Lisa asks what Ariana expects her to do, and Ariana says she doesn’t expect anything from anyone. Andy asks if Ariana thinks Lisa should pull out of the business, and Ariana says, Lisa knows what’s best for he. She’s not someone who should give Lisa business advice. Lisa says, if it comes at a cost of friendship and loyalty… but Ariana says she’ll always love Lisa and support anything she does. It just won’t be a place she frequents. Lisa says she doesn’t want her and the Toms partnership to affect her and Ariana’s friendship. Andy says, Schwartz & Sandy’s wasn’t the only restaurant talked about this season. Ariana and Katie are going to make their bread and butter from a sandwich shop, Something About Her. Ariana says, they haven’t opened yet, but expect o by the end of May. Andy says, they started selling merch after the affair news broke, and Ariana says, they’ve made $200K. They thought they’d do it down the road, but people were asking how they could be supportive. Katie says, they brought Andy a shirt to replace the TomTom hoodie Raquel gave him. Andy says he’s switching gears. Last year, Lala was hard on Brock, and she and Scheana weren’t in a good place. Scheana says she thinks the kids brought them closer together, and they understood what they needed out of a friendship. Lala even bought the house next door to her in Palm Springs. Andy wonders if this is an issue with Katie. Schwartz had said Katie felt she didn’t get the same level of loyalty from Lala as she’s giving Scheana.

Katie says, if the roles were reversed, Lala probably wouldn’t be happy, but she didn’t make it an issue. Lala says she went to Scheana’s wedding, but aborted the mission on a lot of things. The kids were the reason they created the friendship. Katie says she understood that, but in the past, Lala said, anyone who talked to Scheana was dead to her. Andy asks if Scheana feels any differently, since she’d encouraged Schwartz and Raquel to make out. Scheana gets weepy, and says, she got a different perspective when she saw the show, and wishes she’d had more empathy for Katie. What she heard from Raquel about how Katie was treating her took over, and she was watching Raquel’s back. After watching the show, she feels different. Katie isn’t the person Raquel explained to her. She let what Raquel told her be bible, and it took her back to where she was bullied by Katie and Lala. We flash back to that, and Scheana says she felt like she needed to protect Raquel. Lala says, they’re not teaching pre-K; this is Bravo. No one is bullying anyone. Sandoval asks if Lala gets a get-out-of-jail-free card, and Lala tells him, STFU. Both he and Raquel triggered her, and now they know why. Sandoval says, Lala used Raquel as a scapegoat, but Lala says, she sniffed Raquel out a mile away; she moves like a snake. Sandoval says, it takes one to know one, and Lala says, and he has the balls to say, accountability, Katie. Lisa says, Lala has been aggressive in the bast, and Lal tells her not to stick up for Sandoval. Lisa says, she’s not; she’s talking about Lala. Everyone starts talking at once, and James gets up and leaves, saying, he’s not listening to this sh*t. In her trailer, Raquel says, oh my God.  

Next time – Part Two – Schwartz says, Katie has a history of diminishing his friendships; more of the one-on-one interviews; and Raquel joins the group.

🍸 Having My Own Kiki…

See you tomorrow for soap and recovery from this awful VanderMess. Until then, stay safe, stay bringing in ‘da noise and ‘da funk, and stay just having faith, since you can’t predict the future.