What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Alexis tells Natalie, this is thinly sourced, unpublishable, and dangerously close to liable, and Natalie asks if she should have Gregory look at it, but Alexis says, he’s not here to help her, and it’s not his job. She asks Natalie to please fix this before it lands them in court, when Diane walks in. Natalie leaves, and Diane says, that wasn’t uncomfortable. Alexis says she doesn’t have time to be nice. What’s up? Diane says, dinner plans. You, me, the Port Charles Grill? Alexis says she’s sorry. She forgot. Diane says, that’s not like her. What’s up?

At the hospital, Gregory asks if Dr. Park is available, and if not, he’d like to make an appointment with him as soon as possible. The nurse says, he already has an appointment next month, but Gregory says he’s experiencing new symptoms, and others are worsening. Finn comes up to the desk, and says, dad?

Spencer texts Trina: If all works out w/Esme, I’ll bring baby bro back to my Grandmother’s tonight. She replies: Good luck!!! She opens the door to Kelly’s as Curtis is coming out, and he asks how she is. She says, okay… She has no idea how to act around him.

At Spring Ridge, Spencer thanks Laura for letting him stay with her and Doc. Uncle Sonny’s place is getting crowded. She says, they like having him and Charlotte at the apartment, and he says, how lucky is it that there’s an extra room for the baby? She tells him not to get too far ahead of himself. Esme may hate this idea. He says, why should she? She should want what’s best for her son. No better place than with family. Esme comes out with Ace, and says she thought she and Laura agreed that Laura could visit, but Spencer can’t.

Jordan sees Nina at the bar in Charlie’s, and says she’s glad she found her. Nina asks if something’s happened to Sonny.

Chase finds Brook at the piano, and asks if she’s working on a new song. She says, so far, she has three verses she regrets; it’s garbage. He says, Brook Lynn Quartermaine does not create garbage, but she says, he’s just being nice. He says he’s being honest. He loves her songs. He loves a lot of things when it comes to her. He loves spending time with her and talking to her. He misses that. He misses them. She says she misses them too, and he suggests they do something about it, but she says, wait. There’s something he doesn’t know.

Elizabeth sees the meeting is still in progress, and grabs Terry as she’s walking by. She asks how long it’s going to take for them to decide if she can still work, and Terry says, Portia’s in there now, speaking on her behalf. Elizabeth wonders what she can say to convince them she’s not a liability to GH or her patients, and Terry says, no one thinks she’s a liability. Portia comes out, and Elizabeth asks, how’d it go?

Brook says, they broke up for a reason, and Chase says, she didn’t tell him Dante asked her to write a letter to the CCRB. She held off writing until after the Board made their decision. She asks why he should forgive that. She was invested in his singing career, and put that ahead of him being reinstated as a cop. She betrayed his trust. He says, but she finally wrote her letter of support, and now the CCRB is reconsidering their decision, and she asks if that means he forgives her. He says, it’s going to take a long time for him to trust her again, but he’s willing to try. Is she? She says, he just spent the afternoon with Willow. That must have been hard. He asks what that has to do with them, and she says, let’s face it. He and Willow have quite the history. He’s emotionally all over the place. He’s wanting to take life with both hands, and she’s around. He takes her hands in his, and says, she’s more than just around. She’s in his head constantly. He can’t stop thinking about her; about what they had, and he wants it back. Doesn’t she?

Jordan says, nothing’s happened to Sonny, not that she’s aware. Is there a reason for Nina’s concern? Nina says, Jordan’s the Police Commissioner, so she automatically thought there was an accident. She overreacted. She can blame it on stress, what’s happening with Willow, and everything going on in her life with Crimson and the MetroCourt. She’s been on edge, and… Did Jordan want to ask her something? Jordan says, forget it. Nina seems like she has a lot on her mind. Nina asks if she’s on duty, and Jordan says, no. Nina says, then order a drink; talk to her. Jordan sits down, and says, it’s about Curtis. She hopes Nina can tell her, is he okay?

Curtis says, for what it’s worth (🍷), he doesn’t know how to act around Trina either. Does that help? She says, a little, and they walk into Kelly’s courtyard. She says she still hasn’t made a decision about getting a DNA test. She’s been busy with school and stuff. He tells her to take all the time she needs with school… and stuff, and she says, it’s really weird running into him. She feels like she used to see her family all the time, and since the wedding, she’s mostly been by herself. He asks how that’s been, and she says, sometimes good; sometimes not so great. He asks if she’s seen her mother since she told Trina the truth, and she says, just once, but it didn’t go so good. Has he seen her? He says, a few times. He has to be honest, he just can’t seem to… Trina says, forgive her? Her too.

Portia says, the Committee seemed very open-minded about her support for Elizabeth, and Elizabeth asks if she could tell which way they were leaning. Portia says, they were very formal. They asked her questions about Elizabeth’s history here, and she spoke on Elizabeth’s professionalism and care with each and every one of her patients, and her knowledge and skill as a nurse. They’d already spoken to Finn and Frieda Navarro, and they got some letters from Patrick Drake, Robin Scorpio-Drake, Griffin Monroe (who, for some reason, I keep thinking is dead)… Elizabeth says, and Epiphany, but Portia tells her, they didn’t say they received anything from her. Elizabeth says, but they reached out to her, and Terry says, maybe Epiphany hasn’t turned in her letter. Elizabeth wonders what the Committee is going to think. Epiphany was her mentor, and in a way, she still is. If they don’t know Epiphany supports her, she doesn’t see how she stands a chance.

Alexis says, it seems some of her reporters have forgotten how to check facts and clear legal, and Diane says, perhaps they are missing the calm influence and guidance of Professor Chase. Perhaps Alexis is too. Alexis says, which is why she wanted him on her Editorial Board, but that ship has sailed. Change the subject please. Diane asks if Alexis confronted him about why he no longer works at PCU, and Alexis says she did, and sure as hell wishes she didn’t.

Gregory says he didn’t see Finn standing there, and Finn says he wanted to see if the Committee had made their decision about Elizabeth. He’s glad Gregory came. Gregory says, of course (🍷), and thanks the nurse for her help. The nurse says, does he still need a… Gregory says, directions? No. His son knows the way. Gregory follows Finn down the hall.

Spencer says, nice to see Esme too, and asks Ace how he’s doing. Spencer’s missed him. He makes noises like I make to a cat, and Esme asks what he’s doing here. Laura says, they have wonderful news for her and the baby. After careful consideration, DA Scorpio has agreed to drop the charges against her. She’s going to be released from Spring Ridge. Ever the bearer of glad tidings, Spencer says, the DA could reinstate the charges at any time, but she can raise her son outside of prison… Hello? Earth to Esme. Did she hear him? She says she did, but it doesn’t matter. She and Ace aren’t leaving.

Trina tells Curtis, before the wedding, she felt like she and her mother could talk about anything. They fought before, but Portia just told her it was part of the mother/daughter contract. She just never thought her mother would keep such a huge secret from her; that she doesn’t know if Trina’s dad is her father or Curtis is. He says, when he and her mother reconnected in Port Charles, she promised him there would be no more secrets, so she blindsided him too. Trina says, what bothers her is that Portia didn’t trust her, and he says, when Marshall was first diagnosed, he didn’t trust that Curtis’s mother could handle his illness. Curtis and his brother were young, and he knew Marshall was protecting them, but those years were lost. She says, but he and Marshall are close now, right? and he says, yeah, but that sure is a long time without a father. She says, at least they’re talking, and he says, they are. She has every right to be upset with her mother, but he can’t help wondering how long she’s going to go without talking to her mom.

Portia says, the Committee isn’t out to get Elizabeth on a technicality, but Elizabeth says, a missing letter from her mentor isn’t a technicality; it’s a red flag. Terry asks if Epiphany isn’t on a campus visit at Johns Hopkins, and Portia says, that’s the school she got accepted to. She’s probably meeting with her professors, shadowing a resident. It makes perfect sense that she wouldn’t have had a chance to write the letter yet. Terry says, she might not have even gotten the request, and Elizabeth says she didn’t even think about that. Portia says she’s going to grab some coffee and get some air, and tells Elizabeth, think positive thoughts, okay? She leaves, and Elizabeth says, as nervous as she is about herself and her future, she’s so happy for Epiphany. She’s not surprised a bit that Epiphany got into Johns Hopkins. Epiphany is the best nurse she knows, and she’ll make such a great doctor. It’s really an inspiration that she had the courage to follow her dream, and now it’s coming true. Terry says, gives a person a reason to hope, right?

Diane asks what Alexis found out. Did something happen at the university? Alexis says she doesn’t think it’s her place to say, and Diane says, something is clearly upsetting her. When last they spoke about Gregory, he was an asset Alexis wanted for The Invader, and wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Is that no longer the case? Alexis says, it’s not about The Invader anymore; it’s about his well-being. She doesn’t know what it is, but she thinks something’s wrong. She thinks he may have a drinking problem. That might be the reason he’s no longer working at PCU.

Gregory and Finn approach Elizabeth, and she says she hopes nothing serious brought Gregory in. Gregory says he just wanted to wish her luck with the Ethics Committee; he’s rooting for her. She thanks him, and says, when everyone started finding out she helped Nikolas keep Esme captive, she thought people would turn their backs on her. She can’t believe how uplifting her friends have been. Terry says, Nikolas put her in an impossible situation, and Finn says, and she came forward despite the potential consequences, even after he tried to convince her otherwise. Elizabeth says, part of her thinks she should have listened.

Laura tells Esme, this is very good news, and Spencer says, this is crazy. Spring Ridge is a prison, not a hotel. She can’t simply decide to extend her stay. Laura says she thinks she understands why Esme may be feeling nervous about this, and Esme says, all she’s ever known is life in a hospital and prison. She and Ace have no family, no friends, no money. Where are they supposed to go? Spencer says he’s made arrangements for her to stay above Kelly’s; it’s a local coffee shop in town. Laura says, her former sister-in-law owns it, and there’s a room available for Esme, and Spencer says he’s willing to cover her rent while she finds work. She has a difficult transition ahead, and he and his grandmother want to make sure it’s smooth. Esme asks Laura if that’s the only reason her grandson wants to help her, and Laura says, Spencer wants what’s best for the baby. Esme asks if there’s enough space for her and Ace in this room.

Brook tells Chase not to minimize what she did. She was selfish. She didn’t want him returning to the PCPD. He says he realizes it was more than that. She needed his help to take Linc down, so he didn’t have the power to harass or control any other artist. Blaze only puts up with him because she didn’t want him to ruin her career, as do other singer/songwriters he manages. She says, he had to be stopped, and Chase says, she wanted to protect the other women so Linc didn’t mess with their heads or destroy their self-confidence, and that is brave. She says, he’s so wrong about her.

Diane asks if Alexis has any proof that Gregory has a drinking problem, or that PCU fired him because of it, but Alexis says, no. She ran into him at the MetroCourt, and he was slurring his words, stumbling, and using the wall to hold him up. Diane says, maybe he’d been overserved, but Alexis says, it was 11 in the morning, and the bartender hadn’t served him anything. Diane says, then maybe he wasn’t drunk, and Alexis says, maybe he came in that way. Diane says, clearly, Alexis is worried, but one unsteady morning does not an alcoholic make, and Alexis says, it’s a culmination of things. He’s been hiding something really important from her for months. He lost his job at PCU (I love how she assumes he was fired and didn’t quit), and he’s wobbly at 11 in the morning. Diane says, she’s engaging in wild speculation. There could be a thousand reasons, a thousand explanations, but if Alexis is right and he does have a drinking problem, she’s uniquely qualified to help him. But now the question is, is Gregory going to confide in her? He knows she went behind his back and contacted the dean at PCU to check up on him. Alexis says, there’s a good chance Gregory is never going to confide in her about anything ever again, which is why she’s wondering if she should reach out to someone else who can help him.

Finn says, Elizabeth did the right thing, the honorable thing. He regrets trying to talk her out of it. She says, he’s not the only one; Scotty thought she was crazy. But once she decided to go through with it, she couldn’t have asked for a better advocate, and no matter what happens, it’s better than carrying around a guilty secret. Terry’s phone dings, and she says, the Ethics Committee is ready for her. She’s got Elizabeth. She leaves, and Elizabeth says, there’s a severely anxious patient she wants to check on. She wants to make sure Mrs. Walsh is good to go in the event she doesn’t work here anymore. Finn says, it’s not going to come to that, and she says, here’s hoping. She leaves, and Gregory tells Finn not to worry about her. She’s confident and composed, worrying about her patients even now. Finn says, there’s a part of him that wants to rush into that conference room and defend her, and Gregory says, he doesn’t think Elizabeth would appreciate it? Finn says he thinks she’d think he’s being overprotective, so he’s doing something different this time, and Gregory says, what’s that? Finn says, listening to her; following her lead. Gregory says, obstinance has always been the dominant trait their family. Finn’s proving that change is possible, but Finn says, it’s too early to determine the results.

Laura tells Esme that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. They’re just making the offer so she has the opportunity to build a life for herself and her child. Esme says, by sticking her and Ace in a room above some coffee shop? And Spencer says, unfortunately, there isn’t enough space for her and the baby, but that’s okay. He can stay with grandmother and himself while she gets settled. Esme says, he’s not separating her from her baby, and he says he just wants what’s best for his little brother. She says, he’s not taking her baby away from her, and he says, losing her memory hasn’t changed her much. I’m wondering why Laura doesn’t step in here, and Esme asks what that means. He says, the old Esme put her own desires and self-interests above everything else, and now here they are, hand in hand, trying to offer her help and support. And having just admitted she has zero resources of her own, she’s shoving it away. She’s putting her own desires and self-interests above everyone else’s, including her own son’s.

Brook says she wants to be with Chase. She didn’t know you could miss someone as much as she’s missed him. She just wants to run into his arms, and have him hold her forever. I laugh because they’re like, two feet apart, and she wouldn’t be running far. He asks why she can’t, and she says she’s not brave, far from it. She would be lying to let him think she was. He asks what she’s talking about, and she asks if he remembers her telling him that she agreed to write a dozen commercial jingles for Linc in exchange for him giving her original songs back. He says he does, and she says, never happened. He says, but she got her songs back, and she says, because she signed a non-disclosure agreement. She can’t talk about what Linc did to her, and if Blaze or some other woman comes forward, she can’t corroborate what they said. She sold out. Hold on right here. Is she forgetting what Maxie told her regarding the NDR? Or is this going to turn out being some noble gesture?

Nina tells Jordan that Curtis is still processing what happened to him. He went from being very, very angry to being very, very angry and sad. Jordan hasn’t been in touch with him? Has TJ? Jordan says she doesn’t know about TJ, but she’s been trying to stay away from Curtis. Before the wedding, she suspected he might be Trina’s father. Nina says, and she didn’t tell him? and Jordan says she knew when he confronted her after the wedding, but before then, she was told it wasn’t her place. Nina asks, by whom? and Jordan says, by Portia. Portia accused her of meddling in their relationship so she could get Curtis back. Nina says, Portia put Jordan in a terrible position, and Jordan says, by not saying anything, she did the one thing that destroyed their marriage; she kept another secret from him. Nina says, but this time, she didn’t have the responsibility of telling him. Their marriage was over for two years. She’s moved on… She has moved on from Curtis, hasn’t she?

Trina says she can’t even think about forgiving her mom, and Curtis tells her, he’s not saying she has to forgive Portia. From his experience, he knows it’s not that simple. He’s still grieving the years he lost from his father, but he’s still grateful for the time they have together. He and Marshall are stronger because they’ve been able to overcome the distance between them. She says she can’t believe he’s the one saying this, and he says he can’t either. He wanted to be with her mother because he loved her, but he also loved and wanted to be a part of her family. Trina says, despite the grief she gave him, she wanted him to be part of her family too, and they hug. He tells her not to let what happened come between her and her mom. They hug again, and Portia walks into the courtyard. She starts to leave, but Trina says, mom, and Portia says she didn’t want to interrupt them. She knows they must have a lot to talk about. Trina says, this wasn’t planned. They just ran into each other and started talking. Portia says she’s glad. She hopes the same can be true of her and Trina, but Trina says, now isn’t a good time. She has to go. Curtis says, she hasn’t ordered, but she says, Spencer just texted her, and she told him that she’d meet him. She leaves, and Portia says she came to grab coffee. It’s going to be a long night at the hospital. She asks how Marshall is doing. How’d his meeting with the geneticist go? He says he’d tell her if he could; she’d have to ask Marshall. That information’s private. She says, Marshall is family. They’re family. At least she hopes they still are.

Jordan tells Nina that she and Curtis are through. She’s moved on. Nina asks if she’s dating, and Jordan says, moving on doesn’t mean moving on to someone else. Nina says, that’s true, but it helps, and Jordan asks if Nina knows what’s been going on in Port Charles lately. She works 24/7. She’ll be lucky if her phone doesn’t start blowing up with more emergencies. She’d love to date her pillow, but she doesn’t have time to sleep. Nina thinks she touched a nerve, and says, so Jordan doesn’t want a relationship, but Jordan says she doesn’t know. At the end of her relationship with Curtis… She never knew she could hurt so much. What she and Curtis had before things went wrong was special. Once in a lifetime. She can’t imagine ever feeling that way again. Nina says she’s sorry, and Jordan says, she may be done, but she still loves Curtis and always will.

Diane asks what Alexis means by tell someone about Gregory. Who is she going to tell? What is she going to tell? She doesn’t know that Gregory is dealing with alcohol. He could argue that she’s spreading an unfounded rumor. Alexis says she’s not going to say he was fired from PCU. She’s going to tell them she’s worried, and tell them why. Diane says she knows that look. She knows when Alexis has made up her mind. Let’s reschedule dinner for another night. Alexis says she’s sorry she forgot about dinner, and she loves Diane and appreciates her advice. Diane says, her advice was to stay out of Gregory’s business, but that’s gone the way of the dinosaur, and Alexis says, he’s her friend. Diane says she knows Gregory is a good man, and Alexis says she wanted him to work here because he’s a damn good writer with a unique point-of-view, but he’s her cheerleader here; he’s her supporter. He’s also her honest appraiser. He makes her better, and her job here. He’s truly a good friend, and she wants to do the same for him. Diane says, friends need to know when to step back, and Alexis says, what if Diane saw her about to get hit by a car. Wouldn’t Diane try to save her? Diane says she absolutely would, even if the situations were remotely similar, which they’re not. And deep down, Alexis knows that.

Gregory says he admires Finn’s ability to embrace change. He might be able to learn a thing or two from Finn. Finn asks if this has anything to do with what happened with Alexis, but Gregory says, that’s a relationship thing. It can’t be salvaged. He may be obstinate, but Alexis takes it to a whole other level. The woman would do anything to get her way. Finn’s phone rings, and he says, in the spirit of full disclosure, speak of the devil. He shows Gregory the screen, and it’s a call from Alexis.

Esme asks if Spencer knows how to take care of a newborn. Has he ever fed a baby? Changed one? Rocked one to sleep? If he had, he would never suggest a mother be separated from her infant child. Finally finding her voice, Laura says, they don’t want to separate Esme from her child. All she’s saying is, she thinks when Esme is released from Spring Ridge, she’s going to quickly find out how hard it is to take care of a baby all by herself. They want to support her. That’s why they came here today to make this offer, but she thinks they should have included Esme in the planning, so let’s do that right now. Tell her, how can they best support her and Ace? Tell them what she needs. Esme says, they’re not going to like it at all.

Gregory wonders why Alexis is calling Finn, and Finn says, they’ve been friends a long time. It might not be about him. Gregory admits he jumped to conclusions, and Finn says he’ll let Alexis know he’s not taking sides, unless that’s what Gregory wants. Gregory says, no. They’re all grown-ups here. There’s no reason to act like children in the schoolyard. He’s going to go. Let him know how it goes with Elizabeth. Finn says he’ll see Gregory, and Gregory leaves.

Curtis says he wishes he had answers for Portia, but what happened between them is still too fresh, and so painful. He hasn’t been able to face Aunt Stella either. She says she’s so sorry to hear that, but whether he likes it or not, they’re married. Doesn’t he think they should try to work this out together? She’s so sorry she hid the truth from him, but she’s not really sure distance is the answer. Maybe they could try counseling. He says, she doesn’t get to set the terms. She lied to him over and over again. Does she think he’s just going to walk into some therapist’s office and ask for communication strategies? She says, then she’ll wait. She’ll do what it takes. Whatever he wants her to do to earn his trust back is what she’ll do, but she doesn’t want to fight. She wants to fight for their marriage, but if what he’s telling her is, it’s hopeless, and there’s no chance for them, she’ll listen. Is there no hope for them? He says he’s afraid it’s more complicated than that, and she says, is it? Just tell her if their love is strong enough to get them through this.

Nina says, Jordan still has feelings for Curtis, and Jordan says, always. But there’s a difference between love and being in love. She and Curtis were family. There’s a part of them that will always love each other no matter what happens. Nina says, that wasn’t a yes or no, when Jordan’s phone dings. She says, what did she tell Nina about work? She has to make a call. Nina says she has to run too. If Jordan is worried about Curtis, talk to him. She’s sure he would appreciate it. Jordan says, good advice, and Nina leaves.

Finn sees Elizabeth, and he asks how it went. She says she thinks she prevented a meltdown, and Mrs. Walsh gave her this as a thank you. She shows him a red rose, and he says he’s impressed by her. He thinks the Committee will be too. He asks what she said to them, and she says, at first, she was really nervous, but then she looked around the room and realized it’s about the health and safety of their patients; it’s not about her. So as clearly as she could, she explained why she helped Nikolas and why she treated Esme at Windymere. She’s told the story many times, and it never gets easier, but the more she tells it, the less it haunts her. He says, because she’s taking responsibility, on her terms, not Nik’s or anyone else’s.  And no matter what happens, she should be proud.

Chase says, Brook sold out? This wasn’t about stopping Linc or protecting the other women; this was about her getting her songs back. He’s such an idiot. She says, no… yes. It was about getting her songs back, but it was also a way to get rid of Linc, and for Chase to go back to being a cop. He tells her, stop. He’s done with her excuses. She says she was trying to help him; get him what he wanted. He says, if that were true, she would have told him sooner.

Curtis tells Portia, not that long ago, she was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Now that trust is broken, and nothing can fix this. She says, it can if he just gives it a chance. If he just remembers what they were to each other. Always the great communicator, Curtis walks away, and Portia cries.

Trina goes to Laura’s, and tells Spencer that she was in the neighborhood. She wanted to see if the baby’s settled in okay. He invites her in, and says, things didn’t go the way he thought they would. Esme comes out with Ace, Laura following. A lot of soap looks all around, including the baby.

Chase says, if Brook signed the non-disclosure agreement so he could stop singing and be a cop… If she was so convinced she was doing the right thing for him, why didn’t she just tell him? Why make up some story about writing advertising jingles for Linc? Because she knew he would be angry, and she knew what she did was wrong. But she was right about one thing. She’s not the person he thought she was.

Alexis tells Natalie, much better. They addressed the legal issues, and legal signed off. Would she mind taking it down to rewrite; that story should have been run. Natalie leaves, nearly colliding with Gregory on his way in. He closes the door, and Alexis says she has his keys. He says, she called Finn, and she says she knows he’s upset. He says, after he specifically asked her not to discuss what’s happened in his life with Finn or Chase.

Elizabeth thanks Finn for his faith in her, but says she’s still scared. What if she gets fired, and this is the end of her time here at General Hospital? Terry comes out, and she tells Elizabeth that her part is finished. The Committee is making their decision.

Curtis goes into Charlie’s and asks for scotch, neat. He sits at the bar, and Jordan comes back. They lock eyes.

Tomorrow, Curtis asks if he and Jordan would still be together; Portia tells Marshall, that says it all, doesn’t it; Spencer tells Trina, that’s the last thing he wants; and Sasha says she knows Cody upset Gladys, and she knows why.

Vanderpump Rules

The competition for the most awful human being continues. Second place anyway. Jax will always be number one.

Charli and Raquel show up at guys night, and James says, guys night means nothing. In James’s interview, he says he wanted it to be G-U-Y-S, guys night. He tells Sandoval that his ex just walked in; it’s not guys night. In his interview, he says, Ally is going to ask why he’s hanging out with his ex. It creates insecurities and untrust, something he doesn’t want this in his relationship. Schwartz asks Raquel if the trip was good, but she says, the purpose was to have fun, and it was the opposite. Sandoval asks, WTF happened? and Raquel says she was being young, fun, single, and living her life. They set her up, making it seem like she was only chasing guys they were interested in. Lala said she was concerned about Raquel, and would never trust Raquel around her man. Raquel told her, it was a good thing she didn’t have one. Schwartz says, she stood up for herself. Charli says, Raquel told Lala that she’s the one who couldn’t be trusted, since she f***ed Raquel’s boyfriend and was another guy’s mistress. They stormed off, leaving her and Raquel at the restaurant, and then she and Raquel had a great time. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, what he’s hearing is, Raquel stood up to Lala. He’s impressed. She’s kind of thriving, and it’s kinda hot. Ugh. In his interview, James says he feels like Raquel is trying to get a rise out of him, but she’s not doing it directly; she never does. This is a bull clushterf*** of negative energy, and he wants nothing to do with it. He leaves.

Lala, Katie, and Kristina come back to the rental house, and Lala says, it was a fun night. It felt normal, like the trip they planned. We flash back to Lala vibing with the guys in the cowboy bar, and she gets a text from one of them. She says she’s nervous, and Katie says she’s happy for Lala. In Katie’s interview, she says she’s Lala’s sex coach. She knows how fun single sex can be, and doesn’t want Lala to miss out. She wants to inspire the d*ck in Lala. Katie says, Lala should do it tonight, but Kristina says she doesn’t need to. Katie says, he’s not coming over to talk, and Lala says she’s nervous. She hasn’t had sex since she conceived her child, and feels like she’s 18. In her interview, Lala says she knows it will come as a shock, but the sex wasn’t good with her ex. The doorbell rings, and Lala lets in Don (the text says, good friend). In her interview, she says she hasn’t had an orgasm she hasn’t faked since 2016. Don flirts heavily with Lala, and Katie and Kristina make themselves scarce. In Lala’s interview, she says, the old school Lala was lit. The old Lala lived in the moment for her vagina, and it’s been slumbering inside of her.

In the morning, Katie says, tell her, and Lala says, it was the best sex ever. Don is hung like a motherf***in’ horse. They giggle, and Kristina joins them. Katie says she posted pictures of the Schwartz piñata, and he said, at first, he was offended. Kristina says, they got in his head, and Lala wonders if Raquel chimed in, since she thought it was hysterical. In Katie’s interview, she says, it’s good she invited Raquel. Now she knows Raquel sucks, and isn’t someone she wants to be friends with. The girls pack to leave Havasu.

James and Ally have a tarot card reading with oracle card healer Leo. How L.A.. James says, Ally is deep into it, and in his interview, he says, Ally talks about astrology all the time. She’s done his chart, and it’s so accurate, it blows his mind. In Ally’s interview, she says she wants to do readings for a living. Leo asks the spirits to move him in the right direction, and says a bunch of stuff about what the cards symbolize. What it boils down to is them connecting with their higher selves, giving birth to a new aura, and walking away from something that was no longer serving them in order to put effort into their relationship. James says, that speaks to him, and almost brings him to tears. In her interview, Ally says she’s no guys night expert, but she knows the main rule is no girls allowed. Leo tells James, it says he was willing to walk away, even though he put the effort in, and in James’s interview, he says, Scheana encouraged Raquel to make out with Schwartz, and Raquel and Lala in Vegas were toxic, but there are no consequences for Raquel’s actions. Everyone is always pointing the finger at him. Point it at her this time. Leo tells James and Ally that they’re good.

At SUR, the Toms meet with Lisa, who says, it was crazy in Vegas with the girls. She wants to know what they’ve decided, and we flash back to Lisa telling them that they can have their investment in TomTom back. Sandoval says, they love working with her and Ken, but don’t want to take the money. Lisa says she understands it needs to be theirs. Otherwise, she’d buy Greg out. Schwartz says he’ll be selling his house soon, so there’s that, and Lisa wonders how much more they need to open. Sandoval thinks $50K, and Schwartz says, their chef is talented, but never ran a kitchen. Lisa asks if they’re on track to open on the 26^th, but Sandoval says, no. They’re involved with Scheana’s wedding, and would only have two days. Schwartz says, they’re trying to find the sweet spot between opening before they run out of money, but still having an incredible opening. Don’t let being perfect get in the way of getting it done. He heard it in a YouTube comedy. Lisa wonders why it has to be perfect, and Sandoval says, Greg wants it perfect. Schwartz says, and it might cost them everything. Sandoval says he doesn’t care what’s happening; they’re open on the 31^st. Lisa says, every day costs them money, and in Lisa’s interview, she says, just open. Do what it takes. Unless they open, they’ll lose everything. Lisa tells them to put it out there, and Schwartz posts something on social media.

Scheana says, the wedding is two weeks away, and she’s so excited. With her first wedding, she was in denial. She tried to convince everyone that things were perfect because she wanted to convince herself it would eventually be fine. We flash back to that, and she says, until she found out he was buying drugs again. Then she wasn’t fine. Now going into this wedding is just pure joy, excitement, and feelings of love. This is her forever. She gets a call, and says, no way it’s fully sold out. She’ll figure it out. She tells Brock that the resort is fully booked, and Jamie is her bridesmaid. She needs Jamie to be with her. Even though Katie isn’t coming, she already paid, so she’ll be going to Mexico anyway. There’s got to be something she can do. In Scheana’s interview, she says, maybe she’ll pull the angry bride card. Or get Katie on the do-not-fly list. There’s got to be options. Brock suggests offering Katie her money back. I guess screaming at Jamie for not having booked her room sooner isn’t one of the options.

Katie visits Ariana, who says she’s going to have a pool party. They need to have fun again. We flash back to her learning Charlotte wasn’t going to make it, and she tells Katie that she’s inviting her, Schwartz, Scheana, and Raquel. Katie rolls her eyes, but says, they both have bigger things to worry about; location, investors, and raising money. In Ariana’s interview, she says, they have no location yet; just a mood board, and they’ve worked on a business plan with Lisa. The thing is, they need money. She knows if they go to Lisa, she’ll say, darling, why do you need investors? Just open it already. She’s not wrong. Professional whatever (I missed it) Sabeena comes by to help them perfect their pitch. Sabeena says she always starts with background; people connect to human beings. Why this? Why now? Katie says, the industry is male dominated, and Ariana says, people will come for something completely different. Sabeena asks what about their backgrounds will help make this a success? and Katie says, they have experience in the industry. Ariana says, she has a successful cocktail book out, and has been a mixologist for 15 years, and Katie says, her family owned a restaurant. She thinks she was born to do this. In Katie’s interview, she says, she and Schwartz came up with the idea, but he opened a bar with Sandoval instead. She tells Sabeena, a sandwich shop run by two cute women that also serves drinks. They can’t go wrong. Katie and Ariana tell Sabeena about the space Lisa showed them, and Sabeena says, they’re selling her on the space. Let’s go girl.

At SUR, Charli wonders if anyone would really know if she polished the glasses, which seems like something she’d wonder, and probably test out. Rachel hunts down James, asking if he’s okay, since he left guys night. He says he didn’t want his girlfriend to be uncomfortable, and Raquel says, they’re going to be around each other when Ally isn’t around – since, unlike Ally, she doesn’t understand the concept of guys night. She tells him that he’s invited to Sandoval’s pool party, and in his interview, James says, it’s weird. He’s being kicked out, and Raquel is being brought in (not for long). He’s been the f***ing life of the f***ing party for the past 18 f***ing years. Katie and Ariana go to TomTom, and Ariana invites server Logan to the party, saying, they need pool culture, whatever that means. Lisa comes by, and Katie tells her that they’ve drafted a letter of intent to rent the new place – the other candidates are losers, and she and Ariana are more appealing. Lisa gets excited about them being neighbors, and in Lisa’s interview, she says, she loves their energy and ambition. She remembers them literally being kids. We flash back to 2013, and Lisa says she wishes the Toms had come to her sooner. She could have shown them clarity, but now it’s too late. Lisa asks about Scheana’s wedding, and Katie says she’s not going, but she already spent money on the room, so she’s bringing Kristina to celebrate her birthday. Ariana says, the resort is sold out, but Katie says she already called to make sure Kristina could stay in her room, and they said it was cool. Ariana says, bridesmaid Jamie has to stay at a different resort, and in Katie’s interview, she says, it sucks that Jamie didn’t book her room when the rest of them did, but it’s not her problem. When she called the hotel, they said no problemo about adding Kristina. Ariana invites Lisa to the pool party, and Lisa says she’ll be there in her thong.

The pool party begins, and Brock’s friend Joey arrives. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, everyone thought he and Raquel made out at Coachella, but Joey is the guy Raquel made out with. Katie admires the curlicue straws in the drinks, and Scheana tells Lala about the resort being sold out. She says she doesn’t want Katie’s negative energy around her. She doesn’t want Katie and Kristina standing on the balcony cursing her. Lala says she doubts that’s going to happen, and in Scheana’s interview, she says, at her first wedding, she had Stassi and Kristina being mean girls, and making fun of her dress. We flash back to that, and Scheana says she doesn’t know if Kristina is still the same mean girl follower or if she’s grown and matured, but she’s not taking any chances. Lala says she thinks Raquel is weak, but Scheana says, Raquel has gotten confidence. Lala wonders if Raquel felt confident calling her a homewrecker, and Scheana says, she’s been called that and has Lala’s back. In her interview, Scheana says, it’s like wearing a f***ing scarlet letter, and we flash back to Brandi insulting her in 2022. Scheana says, she’s still a homewrecking whore. Lala says, if you want to be a troll, she’ll treat you like a troll, and don’t be shocked when she does it.

In James’s interview, he says, the friend group is backing him of a cliff. He’s being edged out, and Raquel is taking up the space (not for long). He was invited to the pool party at the last minute, and Ally’s not invited to the wedding. It’s embarrassing. Raquel is taking over and dictating who’s hot and who’s not in the friend circle. Lala says, Don wants to meet up, but her mom and baby are at her house, and in her interview, she says, she’s not mentally in a place to focus on a relationship, but wants to be around someone where it’s effortless. The Don gives her that, with an orgasm on top. James asks if Lala made up with Raquel, and Lala is like, hell no. James says, Raquel was boasting that she’d put Lala in her place, and Lala says, Raquel is an idiot. Watching her try to create thought is mesmerizing. Raquel whines about them making fun of her Galaxy Lights, and Scheana says, Lala called Raquel weak, but she defended Raquel. Raquel says she thinks Lala is pathetic, and Scheana agrees. Lala says she doesn’t give a f*** what people like Raquel think about her, and Katie says, Raquel shouldn’t take herself so seriously. In Ariana’s interview, she says she can’t wrap her head around the idea of Raquel fighting people and being crazy. She would have thought Katie and Lala gave her the mean girl treatment. Sandoval busts into the conversation, and says, if someone doesn’t have Katie’s perspective, according to her, they’re wrong. Ariana says she’s walking. She’s not doing Tom against the girls. Katie says, she’d thought everything was clear, and they were on the same page. Raquel asks what the issue is, and Kristina says, you tell us. Raquel whines that Lala and James slept together, and Lala says, they’d moved on. Sandoval says, Lala moved on, and in James’s interview, he says he’s sorry it happened, but if she’s still going on about it, he doesn’t care. Put him in a time machine, and he’ll do it again. We can literally see Raquel searching for words to put together, and she finally comes up with, if they’re being chihuahua followers, she’s done. I don’t know what that means, but I’d totally follow a chihuahua. James asks how Raquel expects them to be cool, when every time he sees her, he hears her talking negatively about him. Raquel says, it affected her emotions when she found out he and Lala kept a secret from her for years. Ariana says, this needs to be squashed today, and Raquel says, she and Lala can never be friends. Lala says she’s bored. Raquel has said that six times already. Raquel says, if she’s going to get mistress bimbo vibes, she can’t do this, and walks away. This girl is just not smart enough for these people, and that’s actually kind of a low bar.

In Raquel’s interview, she says she feels leveled up from the girls trip. At one time, her motivation was to be liked, but after facing Lala, she’s loving this new version of her. I laugh in my head, thinking, just wait. Lala tells James that Raquel’s parting words were mistress bimbo, and he says she hasn’t heard that since Jessica Simpson in The Dukes of Hazzard. Scheana says she’s not disinviting Katie to the resort, like she owns it, but suggests she stay at a different one. Katie says she’s going; it’s Kristina’s birthday. Scheana wails that it’s sold out, and she doesn’t want Katie’s energy there. Katie says, it’s a big resort, and she’s entitled to be there. She can’t get her money back. Scheana says she’ll give Katie a grand right now, but Katie is like, uh….no. Scheana says, they’ll see about that, and tells Schwartz that his ex-wife is pathetic. She doesn’t want Katie’s energy there, and Katie isn’t thinking about what she wants. Ariana wonders what if Scheana asks Katie to name her price, and Scheana says, what if Katie says no? Ariana says she doesn’t think Katie and Kristina are going to be on the balcony with binoculars, and in Schwartz’s interview, he says, Katie’s stubbornness is one of his least favorite qualities of hers. She’s in the wrong, and when she makes up her mind, there’s no reasoning with her. Lala says, the resort doesn’t exist for Scheana’s wedding. If Scheana is focused on Katie instead of getting married, that’s her problem. Schwartz tries to appeal to Katie, but she says she needs to focus on herself. He tells her, do it for her business partner and friend, but Ariana says, leave her out of it. Schwartz tells Katie not to be so emotionally entitled, and Ariana says she doesn’t even know what those words mean together. In Katie’s interview, she says, Schwartz taking everyone’s side over her is a big reason why she asked for a divorce. She thought if the pressure to defend his wife was gone, he’d treat her like everyone else. She guesses it’s not a wife thing; it’s a Katie thing. She leaves, and Schwartz follows her, calling, Katie… don’t leave… Bubba! She tells him to go away. She wants an apology. He says, for what? and she says, for meddling. It’s not fair. He tells her that she looks cute, and she says, he’s just making it worse.

This season, the wedding; the sandwich shop gets a location; Schwartz (the beard) and Raquel kiss; Katie wants to light them both on fire; James wonders if he should ask Ally to marry him; and the Scandoval begins.

🍿 To top off the episode of awful VanderPeople, Jax was on Watch What Happens Live with wife Brittany, who I can’t believe he’s still married to. I’m sure he’s enjoying the crap out of all this. He presented Andy with the original sweater that he whipped off before the parking lot fight with Sandoval in one of the first seasons. In a frame.

🍸 Vanderpumping Out Of Here…

Come on by tomorrow for soap and a spot of tea. Until then, stay safe, stay not speculating until you get all the facts, and stay not letting being perfect get in the way of getting it done.