What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

In the car, Sasha tells Brando, she can’t believe their actually eloping to Niagara Falls. They’re on their way to get married right now. Brando says he has to keep pinching himself to remind himself that he’s not dreaming. She says, it’s not a dream. At the end of the road is a wedding chapel, and the start of their life together as husband and wife.

On the phone at the MetroCourt bar, Gladys leaves a message for Brando, saying, it’s his mother… again. Why isn’t he answering her calls? She knows he’s on a getaway with Sasha alone, but she’s worried about him… and Sasha. Could he at least send a text? Let her know they’re okay? Maybe send a picture of where they’re staying. Especially, let her know when they’re coming back. She loves him. Lucy sits down, asking if she may offer a word of advice. Gladys says, no; she’s off the clock. Lucy says, it’s not about work. She knows Gladys is worried, but Brando and Sasha deserve all the time they need to heal. And when they come home, they’re gong to be rested and relaxed, and a whole lot richer. Gladys says, well, money isn’t everything.

Victor lifts his cup, and says, to new beginnings for the entire Cassadine clan. Ava and Nikolas just look at him, and he says he’s sorry. He thought they were on the same page. Now he has to wonder if this invitation to their vow renewal is a real olive branch, or just a way of using his genuine love of family for their own purposes.

An orderly pushes Ryan to his room, and says, for a guy who can’t walk or talk, he sure gets under people’s skin. He opens the door, and says, especially that hot new intern. He’d sure like to be the one to rile her up. His phone dings, and while the orderly’s back is turned, Esme approaches the room, and looks at Ryan.

Brando says he doubts the back road is going to be a shortcut to the wedding chapel, and Sasha says, in other words, they’re lost. He says, yeah, and she tells him to put his pride aside, and put on the GPS. He says he hates to admit this, but the GPS went out, and he didn’t want to take the time to fix it. She says, so much for marrying a mechanic and having no car problems. He says, for the record, the GPS is more of a computer issue than a mechanical issue. She tries her phone, but can’t get a signal, and says, there’s a downside of being in the middle of nowhere. He tells her, don’t worry. He’s not one of those guys who won’t stop and ask a local for directions. She says, they haven’t passed a gas station or even another car for miles. What if they’re really lost? He says, they’ll get help, and she says, will they? Are they lost, or has he changed his mind about getting married?

Lucy asks if she heard Gladys right. Money isn’t everything doesn’t sound like her. Is she all right? Does she have a temperature? Lucy tries to feel her forehead, and Gladys says, she’s kidding of course (🍷). She knows Maxie’s back, and they’re full steam ahead to take Deception public. What does that actually mean for Sasha? Lucy says, Gladys knows Sasha is a partner, and thanks to Michael Corinthos’s ninja negotiating skills… talk about having the right boyfriend at the right time. Lucy just wanted a face of Deception, but he wanted an equity stake for Sasha in the company, which Lucy doesn’t regret at all; Sasha has been an incredible asset to the company. Anyway, the point is, when they do take Deception public, that girl is going to get a large share of stock, and her net worth is going to skyrocket. Gladys says, Brando knows how to pick them. She always knew that Gilmore girl had potential. Lucy says, really? That’s not exactly how she remembers it. Since when is Gladys Team Sasha? Gladys says, come on. Any mother would have doubts about Sasha’s history. She was a supermodel. She was leading a supermodel lifestyle; hanging out with gangsters, snorting illegal substances… Lucy says, wow, so very subtle, and Gladys says, but then she saw how brave Sasha was when she and Brando lost little Liam. Lucy says, Gladys is right. She doesn’t doubt Sasha’s bravery; she was very courageous. But Lucy is kind of worried Sasha is rushing her recovery by coming back to work so soon. Gladys says that’s her feeling exactly, but every time she mentioned it, Sasha shut her down. Politely – her manners are impeccable, of course (🍷) – but a wall is still a wall, no matter how pretty it’s painted. Lucy says, maybe it’s not right for them not to respect Sasha’s privacy, and Gladys asks if there’s something wrong with Sasha. Something Brando’s mother should know.

Dante asks how Drew knew it was Britt, and he says he saw the dynamic when they were on Cassadine Island together. Peter used Britt as leverage to control Jason, but Britt never backed down. She let him have it about the hell he put Maxie through, about supposedly hating Faison, but essentially following in his footsteps. Dante says he bets Peter didn’t like hearing that, and Drew says, he did not, but he thinks on some level, Peter envied his sister. Even though she was the prisoner, she had more agency than Peter did, so it makes sense Peter would mess with her any way he could, making her the executor just so she’d have to acknowledge his existence and not forget about him. Dante says, he probably got a kick out of forcing her to deal with whatever he left behind, and Drew says, so they go to Britt, and have her plant the bait. He holds up a tarot card, and says, then they let it get back to Victor what Peter left behind. Sam says, there might be a problem with his plan. Does Britt strike them as the kind of person who’s going to safeguard Peter’s personal effects?

Maxie asks what Anna said, and Britt tells her, the WSB x-rayed and vetted the contents; there’s nothing dangerous inside. No toxic substances or anything potentially lethal. Maxie says, so if it’s harmless, what is Britt going to do with it? Britt tells her, she never said it was harmless; it came from Peter, remember? He knows she hated him. Who knows what he left her to mess with her head? Fortunately, there’s a dumpster in the alley behind the hotel. Maxie says, so? and Britt says, so this is going in the garbage where it belongs. She gets up, and Maxie says, no, don’t do that.

Nikolas says he thanked Victor for interceding for him with Spencer; that was very sincere. He meant what he said. Ava says, she confesses she advised Nikolas to be careful of Victor at first, but that was before she could see for herself that his heart is clearly in the right place this time. Victor says, Laura has been doing her best to turn his family against him, and Nikolas says, his mother can be overprotective at times, but given Victor’s past and recent association with Peter, can he blame her? Victor says, for the last time, his dealings with Peter were extremely limited, and yes, a regrettable lapse in judgement, but he’s not the only one. Peter deceived a great many people, including the formidable Anna Devane, but the man is thankfully dead, and may the discord he caused die with him. As for Laura, for the well-being of his family, he agreed to give her a pass; something, for the record, she would not do for him. Ava says, that’s big of him, and Victor says, consider it a wedding present. Ava says, the real gift would be bringing them all together when she and Nikolas renew their vows. Of course (🍷) they can’t be certain Spencer will accept their invitation. Victor says he has a good feeling about it. After all, Spencer’s significant other supports a father/son reconciliation, and Esme seems to hold great sway with Spencer.

Esme hides around the corner as the orderly leaves, and takes a keycard out of her pocket. She quickly slips into Ryan’s room, and closes the door. She says she knows he terrifies most people, but she’s not most people. What was he thinking out in the day room, speaking out loud? Does he realize someone could have heard him when he opened his mouth to snap at her? After all his planning, all his months of silence, he could have blown the whole thing just to scold her. He says, actually, he was thinking about her, and how she failed him.

Brando says he wants to marry Sasha more than ever. What makes her think he changed his mind? She flashes back to taking a pill, and says she’s sorry for taking this out on him, but if the GPS isn’t working and they’re lost, what do they do? He says, they’re not completely lost. Roll down her window. She does, and he asks if she can hear it. She says, they’re by the river, and he says, they’re on a back road that runs alongside the river. If you listen hard, you can hear wedding bells. Bells ring in the distance, and he says, the bells are ringing from the chapel. She says, soon those bells will be ringing for them, and for Liam. His brief life will have meaning because they’ll know, and the whole world will know, he was born out of love.

Lucy tells Gladys, she admits she and Maxie are a bit worried about Sasha coming back to work too soon after the trauma of losing Liam. She’s speaking from firsthand experience. Those kind of wounds take a long time to heal, if they ever heal at all. Gladys says she tried to get through to Sasha, but Sasha shut her out. It seemed like with Brando’s help she was getting better, and she still believes Sasha will heal, especially when she gets back from that getaway and realizes what this IPO is going to do for the future of their family. But what if this getaway is just an escape from reality?

Britt says, there’s no way Maxie is feeling sentimental about Peter, and Maxie says she is not feeling sentimental, but Bailey is Peter’s only child. Maybe he left something for her. Britt says, like he wrote her a letter? but Maxie says she’s hoping he left her something of financial value. Britt says she takes her role as Aunt Britt very seriously, and she doesn’t want her niece growing up with anything of Peter’s to drag her down. Maxie totally agrees with her, and says, if there’s nothing in that box worth keeping, she’ll help Britt. Britt says, fine, and suggests they open it on the terrace, just in case there’s something in it that makes them howl with rage and disgust.

Anna calls Dante, and he steps away to take the call. Sam asks if Drew is okay. Is he sure there’s no way that card can affect him? Drew says, it’s not the right card, but Victor’s not going to know that, and when he tries to activate Drew, they’ll know what he’s up to. Sam says, Drew knows that card is the hook, and he’s the bait, and if Victor does realize something is going on, Drew is going to be at risk. Is he willing to do this? She’s not going to judge him if he backs out. He says he’s doing it. He wants to take Victor down as much as she does. Dante comes back, and says, Britt’s at the MetroCourt, and she’s already got Peter’s belongings, and Sam says, it’s too late then. There’s no way Britt is going to hold on to Peter’s belongings. Drew says, they’ve got to try. They’ve got to move.

Victor says he believes, where Esme goes, Spencer will follow, and Nikolas agrees they should include Spencer in the vow renewal once he’s finished his time at Spring Ridge. But as for inviting Esme, does he have to remind Victor that she torched Ava’s car? Victor asks if he has to remind Nikolas that Spencer dislikes Ava as much as Nikolas dislikes Esme. If he wants his son to put aside his pride and celebrate their vows, how can he exclude the young woman who has so much influence in young Spencer’s life? Ava tells him, she wouldn’t say Esme’s influence is exactly positive, and Victor says, if they’re going to start throwing stones, none of them are going to walk away without being bruised. Nikolas says, unfortunately, he thinks his uncle is right; either it’s an inclusive family celebration or it isn’t. He thanks Victor for reminding him; he owes Victor. Victor says he’ll leave the two of them to get along with their guest list. He pats Nikolas on the shoulder, and says Nikolas won’t regret this. He leaves, and Nikolas asks, what the hell happened to their intimate, romantic celebration for two? She tells him, they said it would be a night to remember, and with their new guest list, that’s bound to be true.

Ryan says he’s so disappointed in Esme. She had one job; to break up Ava and Nikolas. He had to continue this exhausting charade, pretending to be as animated as an eggplant. She has totally lost sight of the prize. She says, that’s not fair. She did everything she could to help Spence terrorize Ava in the hopes she’d leave Nikolas. She thought leaving Ava’s dead daughter’s hospital badge by her burnt car was an inspired idea. It’s not her fault Ava’s love of Spence’s dad is greater than her fear of a stalker. Ryan says, she doesn’t love Nikolas; she only thinks she does. And Esme’s been wasting her time, playing this adolescent game of kiss-and-tell with Spencer and his friends. She says, what she’s doing is trying to make sure her relationship with Spence looks real. If she’s not convincing, someone might get suspicious, but her loyalty, first and last, is always to him. He tells her, so she says, and she crouches down putting her hands on his knees, saying, please. She’ll do anything. Just let her prove it to him… daddy. He likes when she calls him that, doesn’t he? He says she knows he does, but as the saying goes, be careful what you wish for.

Sasha asks if they can’t drive faster, but Brando says, that’s a negative. Her phone rings, and she says, they have cell phones again. He asks who it is. Maxie? Lucy? She says, it’s his mom, and he says he’s been ignoring her calls, but that’s his mom. If one way doesn’t work, she’ll find another. Sasha answers, saying, what a nice surprise, and Gladys nearly does a spit-take, surprised Sasha picked up. She says she knows Sasha and Brando are on a little getaway, and she doesn’t mean to interrupt, but she hasn’t heard from Brando, and naturally as a mother she’s concerned. Sasha looks at Brando, who shakes his head, and Gladys asks if everything is okay. Sasha says she’s sorry, but they have spotty coverage. Gladys is breaking up on her, but she’s sure they’ll have a lot to talk about when they get back. She hangs up, and Gladys says, hello? Lucy says, darn it. Bad connection, huh? Gladys says, Sasha couldn’t wait to get off the phone, although she did blame the bad reception at the Falls. Lucy says, the Falls as in Niagara Falls? Is that where they went? Gladys asks, what’s wrong with Niagara Falls, and Lucy says, nothing. She thinks she got married there… No. She thinks she almost got married there once. Gladys says, if you can’t make it to Vegas, head to Niagara for a quickie wedding… Lucy doesn’t think that’s what they’re doing, does she?

Nikolas says, maybe while he’s making the drinks, Ava can explain her about-face. When did she go from suspecting Victor was up to no good to inviting him to their vow renewal? She says, if he must know, his mother asked her to keep Victor close; they all know he’s up to something. He says, it’s the Cassadine way, and she says his mother is mostly worried about Spencer, knowing he’s susceptible to Victor’s, quote, unquote, generosity. He says, and knowing his mother, she must be concerned that he’s susceptible too. Is that the gist?

On the terrace, Britt tells Maxie that she can still change her mind and drop this off the balcony, and watch Peter’s belongings just shatter on the ground. Maxie says, wait one second. If she destroys that box – toss it, burn it, put it in a vat of battery acid, isn’t she always going to wonder what’s inside of it? Britt says, no, but clearly Maxie is. She suggests they get this over with. She starts to open the box, and I notice it says muzzle this end on one side. I send packages for eBay all the time, and have never once seen a box that says that. It must be a special Peter box. Dante comes out and says, stop. Britt asks if there’s something dangerous in there after all, and Sam says, not dangerous to them, and Maxie says, to who?

Victor walks into the MetroCourt, and asks the hostess for a top-shelf Manhattan. Since it’s such a lovely evening, he thinks he’ll take it on the terrace. He starts to walk toward the terrace door, and Drew intercepts him, saying, Victor’s timing could not be any better.

Esme asks daddy if he has another plan, and Ryan says he has information which is where all good plans begin. For instance, she followed his every instruction to steal the card key, and here she is. And Ava might really believe she found true happiness with Nikolas, but soon enough she’ll find a worm in that apple. Esme says, please tell her; please let her in on things. She can’t help him unless he trusts her. He says, trust is a two-way street. Given how easily distracted she is by petty jealousies and shallow co-ed shenanigans, he’s not sure he count on her anymore. She says, really? Like he said, it’s a two-way street. He doesn’t trust her? Maybe his brother will trust her when she tells him the truth; that he can talk, and he’s been able to for months. She turns to leave, and he grabs her wrist, yanking her down to his level. He says, she’s not going anywhere.

Sasha says she didn’t like lying to Brando’s mom, but what else could she say? He says they just have to break the news to her as gently as possible. By the amount of times she’s called him, it’s clear she hasn’t even gotten used the idea of them taking a few days to themselves. Soon, she’s going to have to get used to seeing a ring on Sasha’s finger, and their names on a license. Finally, she’s going to burst into tears, and claim he robbed her of planning her only son’s wedding, but eventually, after a few years, she’ll get over it. Sasha doesn’t say anything, and he says, if she’s changed her mind and decided she wants a more traditional ceremony, he can turn the car around right now. They can go back to the B&B, and she can look at party planner reviews, but to be honest, they both know she would pick Maxie. Sasha says she doesn’t need a big wedding. She just wants him. She wants to see those rings on their fingers as a reminder they belong to each other, body and soul. He says, speaking of rings, look in the glove compartment. She takes out a box, looks inside, and says, oh my God.  

Gladys says she can’t believe her son would elope and not include her, and Lucy says, that’s kind of the definition elopement. The parents stay home. Gladys says she’s not just any parent. She’s a single mother who sacrificed everything for that boy, and it’s not like him to sneak around behind her back, so this was Sasha’s big idea. Lucy tells her, don’t you dare blame Sasha. She deserves every bit of happiness she can get after everything she’s gone through. Gladys says she was thinking of Sasha. She’s afraid Lucy may be right. She rushed back to work, she’s rushing into marriage, all just to avoid the terrible pain of the loss of Liam. It’s a big mistake, and there has to be something she can do to stop them.

Ryan holds Esme’s wrist in a viselike grip, and she says, let her go. He releases her, and says he guesses her time in Port Charles wasn’t wasted after all. Not if she’s developed a backbone that can stand up to him. She says she had an excellent teacher, and he says he appreciates the compliment. He hopes she makes him proud, and she says she will. That’s always been the plan. He tells her, just remember, he calls the shots. Are they clear? She says, yes, sir; you’re the boss. He says, that’s more like it, but she still has to regain his trust. She says she’ll do anything. Just tell her where to start. He says, back to square one, with Ava.

Nikolas says, if he and Ava both agree Victor can’t be trusted, why invite him to share the happiest day of their lives? She says, Laura is already concerned Victor has made inroads with Spencer. And given what Victor knows about Nikolas in regard to Hayden, he thinks he has the upper hand with Nikolas. Nikolas says, they’re even. His debt is paid in full. She says, five minutes ago, Nikolas said he owed Victor, and she knows he’ll find a way to collect. He asks if she thinks he’d let Victor get the better of him, and she says, no, but she thinks he’ll keep trying. And she thinks he’ll use any weapon he can find, including Nikolas’s son. That’s why she invited him to be there when they renew their vows. She wants Victor to believe they trust him, so when he finally does show them his hand, they’ll be ready.

Victor asks what Drew wants with him, and Drew says he’s putting Victor on notice. They may never be able to prove Victor helped Peter escape, but Drew will never forget the part Victor played in stealing two years of his life. Victor says, it sounds like Drew is threatening him, and Drew says, really? He meant it to sound like a promise. Stay clear of him, and of his family, and everybody he cares about, or he’ll find a way to make Victor pay for every single day he was locked away from his life. Drew goes to the elevator, and the hostess comes back with Victor’s drink. He says he’ll take it with him, and exchanges looks with Drew before he goes outside. Maxie, Britt, Sam, and Dante are gathered around Bailey’s stroller, and Victor asks if they mind if he joins them, or is it a private party? Sam tells Maxie that Bailey is such a beautiful baby, and Victor says he does love babies. He’s gratified that Maxie is finally reunited with her daughter. She thanks him, and Dante asks if Victor knows anything about Peter leaving personal effects behind. Victor says, despite what everyone seems to think, he wasn’t on intimate terms with Peter. Why does Dante ask? Sam says, it’s just that the box Britt is holding just came from the WSB; it contains Peter’s personal effects. Britt says she was going to toss them in the garbage, then Maxie encouraged her to open it, just in case there’s anything inside that could help pay Bailey’s college tuition. Maxie says, just give it to her; she’s taking too long. Maxie grabs the end of the box, and Britt says, take it easy. Maxie says she can’t wait any longer, and they struggle over the box. It falls, and everything goes everywhere. Maxie says, sorry about that, and Victor hones in on the tarot card.

Sasha says, they just decided to get married. How did Brando slip out and buy wedding rings without her knowing it? He says, they’re not what she thinks they are. When they decided to get married on the fly, he had to improvise, so those are actually some spare engine parts that he polished up while she was in the shower, but they’ll serve their purpose until he can take her to a proper jewelry store. She looks at him, and he laughs and says, he’s kidding. When he told her that he was going to the gym, he ran out and went to the closest jewelry store. Those are the real thing, just like they are. She says she loves them, and kisses him. Too bad. I thought the spare parts thing was cool and apropos. They hear something, and she asks, what was that? The check engine light is on. He says he’ll pull over and see what the problem is.  

Lucy takes Gladys’s phone out of her hand, and asks what exactly she’s trying to do. Brando and Sasha are adults, so even if Gladys finds the chapel they may be eloping at, she’s not going to stop their wedding. She can’t. So please, let them follow their hearts. Gladys says, easy for Lucy to say. She’s just Sasha’s business partner, and Sasha is on the verge of being Gladys’s daughter-in-law. Lucy says she really takes issue with that. First, Sasha is her friend, and secondly, Gladys would be damn lucky to have Sasha as a daughter-in-law. Gladys says she doesn’t disagree, and snatches her phone back. She says, if Sasha and Brando were getting married for the right reasons, she’d be all for it. But a few days ago, there was no mention of marriage. she’s afraid the reason they’re eloping is, they’re trying to hide from the pain of Liam’s death. She can’t let that happen.

Ryan says, his original plan to break up Ava and Nikolas came up short, and Esme says, if anything, it just made them closer. She knows he loves Ava, but she’s never going to care about him the way Esme does. He thanks her for pouring salt in his wound, and she asks, what’s Plan B? Don’t tell her that he doesn’t have one, because he always does. He says, she thinks she knows him, doesn’t she? and she says, just like he knows her. She brings a chair over and sits, and he says, she’s already completed the first step to insinuate herself into the family. He thinks they can use Spencer’s incarceration to their advantage, and she asks, how? He says, by making herself an even larger presence in their lives, and she says, Nikolas doesn’t trust her, and Ava openly dislikes her and doesn’t even try to hide it. He says, it’s easy to control a teenage boy, whose hormones are raging. Ava and Nikolas? She’s going to have to try harder. If they don’t like her, she’s got to make herself more likeable. She says she’s willing to try, but she thinks Nikolas already blames her for turning Spencer’s head. Ryan says he’s confident Nikolas will come around. You know what they say, like father like son.

Nikolas says, Victor is no one’s fool. He has to realize they have a motive for including him in their ceremony. Ava says, that’s why they have to stay one step ahead of him, and he says, just remember, Victor played King of the Mountain with Peter, and Victor is the one who survived. His mother is right; Victor is up to something. She says, let Victor give it his best shot. As long as they stick together, Victor can’t touch them. Don’t forget – she puts her hand on his – she has a long history dealing with people like Victor.

Maxie says she’ll help pick it up, and Victor says, don’t worry; he’s got this. Sam says, normally, she would help, but she doesn’t want to touch anything Peter’s touched. Never. Dante says, he knows the WSB was done with that and passed it on to Britt, but does she think he could take it down to the PCPD? They have some cases they need to wrap up that Peter was involved in. Maybe it could help them out. Britt asks if there’s something the WSB missed, and he says, no, but they’re looking for espionage, and looking forward to tying up Franco’s murder case. Britt says, the WSB released it to her – she takes it from Victor – so he’d have to talk to Anna Devane. He says he understands, but Anna gave it to Britt because she’s done with it, so would it be cool to pass it on to him? He’ll give it right back to her. They go inside, and Victor takes the tarot card out of his sleeve. Ha-ha! I love this guy.

Gladys gets up, and says, she’s got to stop them. She tells Lucy to have the bartender put the drinks on Carly’s tab, but Lucy jumps up, and says, no, no, no, no. Gladys seriously isn’t going to try and stop Sasha and Brando’s wedding? Gladys says she absolutely is, and Lucy says, please don’t. She’s not really sure they’re eloping, and besides, Niagara Falls is a beautiful place, a natural wonder. Hundreds of thousands of folks visit there every year, and they don’t get married. Gladys says, Brando didn’t return her calls. Something is up; a mother knows. Lucy says, please. Do not try stop the wedding. They’ll only end up resenting Gladys. Gladys says, these are two grief stricken parents. They probably shouldn’t commit to buying a car, much less spending their lives together. There has to be something she can do to stop them from doing something they’ll always regret. Gladys walks out, and Lucy makes a frustrated sound.

Brando closes the car hood, and Sasha asks, how bad? He says, they need a tow, and gets back in the car. He tells her that he already called for one, but they’re in the middle of nowhere; it might take a few hours. She says she should have known this plan was not going to happen. Now they’ll never get to the chapel before it closes. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe they were never meant to have a happy ending. He says he has a blanket in the trunk, and coffee in the thermos, and until help arrives, he’s sure they’ll find some way to keep warn. They kiss, and headlights brighten the car. Sasha says, it’s the tow truck. So much for it taking hours. He says, it looks like they’ll get to have their happy ending after all.

Maxie wheels Bailey’s stroller through the lounge area, and tells Britt, she’s settling down. So much excitement. Better get used to it, Baby Lu, because you mom is a magnet for trouble. Britt says, so is her Auntie Britt. She’s still not sure what happened on the terrace, but if it makes Victor pay for aiding and abetting Peter, it was worth it. Maxie says, well worth it.

Looking at the tarot card, Victor thanks Peter, and says, while Peter is rotting in hell, he’ll make good use of this. He puts it in his pocket.

Nikolas tells Ava, the best way to stay one step ahead of Victor, is by keeping him where they can see him. She says, and Spencer? and he says, when he comes home from Spring Ridge, absolutely, and that goes for Esme as well. But he can promise her one thing. No one will ever come between them. They kiss.

Esme tells Ryan that she needs to go. The orderly will be back any minute. She puts the chair back, and says, but there’s still something she doesn’t understand. Even if Ava leaves Nikolas, what then? Ryan is still a prisoner facing a life sentence. Where is all this leading? He says, leave that to him. Just do as he says and she’ll have her heart’s desire. Not just Spencer and his fortune, but the family she’s always longed for. She says, Ava isn’t her family, and he says, no, but she’s family to him. He gets up, and walks closer to Esme. He says, and what’s mine is yours – he strokes her hair – my beautiful, gifted daughter.

Tomorrow, Sasha says, if they don’t get married now, they never will; Diane tells Alexis to go out and get some fun; Anna tells Robert, one nightmare ends, and another one begins; and Nina tells Sonny that she’s suing for visitation.

The Real Housewives of Orange County

Jen and Emily worked out on the beach, and started with squats. My workout nemesis continues to haunt me. Gina told herself not to miss the plane, as she drug her suitcase through the house, picking up a throw rug with it along the way. Noella’s mother Nancy was visiting, and Noella said she’d seen a charge for someplace James was at. She was tempted to go there with their son and ask if he remembered her. I’m your wife. Um… I’m guessing not for much longer.

Heather brought Max and Nick along on the trip, and they were stopping in Syracuse first to visit Heather’s alma mater. In Gina’s interview, she said, what was cool about flying private was that you didn’t have to follow the rules. You waited in a private lobby, and she didn’t know WTF happened to her luggage; they just handled it. Clearly, Heather knew how to travel in style.

When Jen and Emily finished their workout, they sat on the beach and talked. They were going to Shannon’s for a cooking class, and in Jen’s interview, she said she never cooked for the family, and thought Ryne would like it. She told Emily that she’d tried to make dinosaur chicken nuggets, and burned them. Emily asked if things were going better, but Jen wasn’t sure. She wanted it to work, but didn’t know how. She wondered if she should do what he wanted, which was to be an equal partner. Emily asked what she meant; finances, kids, or both. Jen said, owning things together. She’d bought the Hawaii house before they were married. She wondered if it would solve the problem. In Emily’s interview, she said, as an attorney, it sounded like Ryne was ready to leave, but would like some money on his way out. Which is exactly what it sounds like to me. It will solve his problem, and she’ll be left holding the bag. Jen thought they should live separately for a while, but go to counseling twice week as they’d been doing, and have a date night once a week. Emily said she was all about fixing it. After you got a divorce, you just traded one set of problems for another, dating d-bags with toupees who drive Lamborghinis.

Heather said she hadn’t been to Syracuse since she graduated, and it was weird being there with her children. She told Gina to get settled, and they’d go out; the kids were ordering room service. When they reconvened, they toasted to a college hangover. Heather said, back in the day, you could only get into Pagans (the bar they were going to)  if you had a good fake ID, or you were dating the bartender or bouncer. In Heather’s interview, she said she hadn’t been there in 31 years, and was being flooded with memories of shopping, eating, and getting fake IDs that were rejected; fun, silly, stupid sh*t. In Gina’s interview, she said she went to Hofstra in Long Island, but she didn’t do as well. She was a shot girl, but she did go to class. Heather told Gina that they were taking the kids on a tour of her college and sorority house. Then they’d change for her live podcast, and leave directly for Manhattan from the show. Gina told Heather that her brother had gone the educational route, and she went for family life. In her interview, she said she envisioned the same thing as every other woman at the time; go to college, marry her college boyfriend, and have children. Her life was very different from what she’d envisioned.

A student guide gave Max and Nick a campus tour, with Heather and Gina tagging along. In Heather’s interview, she said it was insane that her babies were about to go to college. She wasn’t sentimental about them following in her footsteps. She wanted them to create their own paths. When she was younger, she thought she’d be a Broadway star, and had studied musical theater, but no. She did an episode of Divorce Court (back when they did reenactments) and they flew her out to L.A. She was a working actress, but then met Terry, and the rest was history.

Shannon’s friend Lisa helped Shannon prepare for her cooking party. Noella, Jen, and Emily were coming, and in her interview, Shannon said she was surprised they didn’t know how to cook. When she prepared a dish for guests, she felt it came from the heart. And it made her feel good when people said it was good. We flashed back to some of Shannon’s cooking successes. When her guests arrived, she passed out chef coats and hairnets. In Emily’s interview, she said Shannon was having a party to teach them to cook, and made them look as ugly as possible. Shannon let them ditch the nets, and Lisa ditched the party. Shannon explained that she was going to teach them how to make a crockpot meal that was healthy and super easy. Then they’d make a real meal of grilled shrimp with tomato/fennel sauce. Ugh, fennel. She asked them to help with the crockpot white chili, and in her interview, Emily said she thought Shannon was going to cook, and she was going to eat. In Shannon’s interview, she said, class meant interaction. In Noella’s interview, she said, cooking was like a BJ. She could do it, but she just didn’t want to.  

Heather was introduced as a 1990 alumni, and did her podcast. She told the students that in high school, she had been a big fish in a little pond, and when she got there, everyone seemed secure. She folded in on herself, and gained a Freshman 30. Then she entered the Miss Syracuse pageant, and it was more than a tiara. It helped her think on her feet, and honed her interview skills. In her interview, Heather said she remembered she loved performing, and was a whole person again. In Gina’s interview, she said it was the first time she was seeing Heather in her element, and she was killing it. After the podcast, they got back on the plane, and headed to Manhattan.

Shannon asked if anyone had talked to Heather and Gina before they left, but no one had. Noella spit a shrimp into her napkin, saying it was raw. Everyone else said all theirs were cooked, and in Jen’s interview, she said she found it odd that Noella got the one shrimp that was raw, and Jen was the one who had cooked it. Liar. Shannon called Heather, and got voicemail. She told the women that she was declined, and Noella said, more like blocked.

Heather and Gina finally called on FaceTime, and Gina said it was a great trip. Heather said, love you, miss you, bye, and that was about it. Shannon brought up Emily saying she was jealous of Gina’s friendship with Heather, and said, nothing could be further from the truth. For what reason? The thought never crossed her mind. Gina needed to put pin in her inflated ego. Emily said, Gina deserved to be successful after she’d been through hell and back. In Shannon’s interview, she said she’d been there for Gina when she was going through that tough time, and we flashed back to that. Shannon was offended by the insinuation that she wasn’t capable of being a friend. This was bulsh*t. Emily perused Shannon’s playlist, and Jen told Shannon that she was leaving. She said she and Ryne had been talking about him moving out for a month, but Shannon said she didn’t think that was a good idea. Noella and Emily wondered what they were talking about, and Shannon said Jen was going through stuff. Emily said they were all going through stuff, and Shannon said it was moving out stuff. In Noella’s interview, she said they all had challenges in their marriages. It was supposed to be a sisterhood, but that wasn’t computing with Jen. In Jen’s interview, she said, grown women didn’t act this way, whispering in people’s ears, and putting people down. She was done with this sh*t. She left, and Emily and Noella shed most of their clothes, and jumped in the pool.

In Gina’s interview, she said Heather was eating so many carbs, dancing around in the streets like a wild woman, and heavily buzzed on champagne. Heather asked if Gina would rather be cooking at Shannon’s or here, and Gina said she had to ask? Really?

Shannon joined Emily and Noella in the pool, taking off her pants, but leaving on her chef coat and hat, and announcing she was Chef Shannon. Archie saw his ball in the pool, and jumped in. In Shannon’s interview, she said, who knew her cooking class would end up with people mostly naked in her pool with the dog?

The next morning, Shannon came downstairs to a pretty big mess. Noella called, and Shannon said her place was a crime scene. And three whole weed candies were gone. She wondered if she’d eaten one, but we saw some clips where it looked like Noella was the culprit. Noella said, it was crazy, and she needed the hair of the dog; there was no way she could function. Shannon told her, have a good hair of the dog day, then wondered, where to start?

Jen met with couples counselor Tina, who came to her house. Tina said it had been a challenging year, like Jen didn’t know. In Jen’s interview, she said she and Ryne had known Tina for a few years; they’d gone to her relationship boot camp. Jen said she’d do anything to make the marriage work except giving up the spotlight, and Tina said, even if Ryne wasn’t there, they could about what Jen could change to make life better for herself, her children, and she and Ryne as a couple. You couldn’t heal or change what you weren’t willing to reveal, and Jen had wounds she’d been carrying from when she was a child that hadn’t been resolved. She was rejected as an adolescent, and brought it to the relationship. She asked if Jen felt rejected by Ryne, and Jen said she did. Tina said, it was a pattern, and Jen wondered if she was putting out kindness, but it was being received as something else. She said she was hardest on herself, and Tina wondered if others didn’t pick up on that energy. Jen said Ryne thought she was criticizing him, but that wasn’t what she was doing. Tina said Jen had to take responsibility for knowing what triggered Ryne. Even if she didn’t mean to criticize, Ryne wasn’t being acknowledged when he wasn’t being respected by his standards, but hers. If she did that, Tina thought he’d see it was coming from a heartfelt place. Jen said she hoped so, and in her interview, she said she’d had a lot of loss and heartbreak. Losing Ryne would feel like losing her dad again, and she didn’t want to lose him.

Heather’s mom Carole, Aunt Barb and Uncle Tony joined them for dinner, as well as Gina’s parents Susan and Gene. They’d barely sat down, when Carole told the server, she didn’t want to be rude, but this was how you set a table, moving around the place setting. In Heather’s interview, she said her mother was very proper, and liked things a certain way. She was similar in decorum, but in other ways, they were vastly different. In Gina’s interview, she said, this explained a lot. Where Heather came from, and why she was the way she was. It was funny to see the difference between her parents and Heather’s mom. Her parents were, no substitutes? We’ll have whatever’s on the menu. We’d like a nice cab, but if you bring merlot, we’ll drink it anyway. Heather made a toast to family, and Barb said she was proud of Gina; she looked happy. Carole said Gina had been raised properly, with ethics and morals. Gina said she was a little rough around the edges, but Carole said, people didn’t have ethics today. Heather said, growing up, they had a schedule. If they were going out to dinner at a certain time, if no one was hungry, you were still going to dinner. She was the same way in that she liked to have a plan, but if someone didn’t want to go, they didn’t have to. Carole said, if someone threw up they didn’t go, and in her interview, Heather said she loved her mom very much. She’d done the best she could to be the best parent, but sometimes an emotionally sensitive person needed more. It was a lot to unpack. She’d need 12 hours of therapy… or 12 years. Heather said, if you locked your kids in a box, they’d explode once they got out. She’d had unrealistic curfews. Gina said she never had that.

Gina and Heather went for a drink in their hotel bar afterward, and Heather said it was tough for her mom since her dad died three years ago. Gina said it was still fresh, and Emily called, first showing a video of the pool escapade. Gina said, Shannon had no pants on, and Emily said she was having dinner with Shane. She was surprised she’d recovered from last night. Gina said again that Shannon had no pants on, and Emily said, tequila made you take your pants off. Gina said, when they’d called, it didn’t look like Emily was having the best time, and Emily said she might have been annoyed. Shannon brought up not being jealous of Gina and Heather’s friendship. Gina said when someone went over the top to prove they weren’t jealous, they probably were. Heather said, she doth protest too much, and Emily told Gina that Shannon said she needed to put a pin in it, like she had a big, inflated head. It was sad that Shannon couldn’t be happy for a friend, and thought Gina was arrogant when she was confident. In Gina’s interview, she said, sorry, she felt good about herself. Was Shannon the only one allowed to feel that way? If she was doing well and truly happy, she wouldn’t act like this. Emily told them that Shannon kept saying it was a competition, and wanted them to have more fun than Heather and Gina. Heather said Shannon had done that in Mexico, when she, Tamra, and Vicki said they were going to have more fun than the rest of them. We flashed back to the three of them getting wasted and jumping in the pool. In her interview, Heather said, if falling in the pool with your pants off makes you happy, she’s here for it. But what she didn’t like was the weird, competitive, having-more-fun-than-you thing. She didn’t know what to do with that.  

Next time, Gina asks if Jen ever pictures herself with someone else; Jen has a party, and says Ryne doesn’t have to come if there will be drama; Jeana comes to Jen’s party, and wonders if Kelly is there; and Shannon comes for Gina, calling her an a-hole.   

🧂 This Needs Salt…

The recap.

A little extra.

🐨 G’Night Mate…

Hope to see you tomorrow for a spot of tea and a bar of soap. Until then, stay safe, stay more focused on the inside than the outside, and stay knowing, you can’t heal or change what you’re not willing to reveal.