What I Watched Today

(rambling, random thoughts & annoyingly detailed recaps from real time TV watching)

General Hospital

Maxie puts two bags on her desk, and one falls over, spilling everything onto the floor. She says, given the kind of day she’s had, that tracks. She starts picking it up, and says, it’s the perfect end to a whole lot of perfect days. She screams into her sleeve, and Felicia says, that’s how she felt when she watched the Deception spot on Home & Heart today. Maxie says, thank you, and gives a thumbs up. Felicia says, after watching Lucy’s performance, she would have bet any money that Lucy would be the one face down on the floor, and Maxie says, is Felicia kidding her? Lucy only knows where the floor is because sometimes, she drops a gummi on it. The word star was used to describe Lucy’s performance today. Felicia says, by who? and Maxie says, Lucy, of course (🍷). She might breathe the same air, but she’s not one of them.

Jordan and Laura walk into Jordan’s office, and Laura says, if Jordan isn’t comfortable with it, it’s not a legal requirement. Jordan says she just has to live with it a minute to get used to the idea. She has protection on all of her accounts and credit cards, and now she just needs to upload her entire tax return and send it to the city council? Laura says she knows. It makes you feel vulnerable, doesn’t it? Jordan says, as former police chief, it makes her feel stupid, and at risk. Laura says, if she decides not to do it, she won’t think any less of Jordan. As a matter of fact, the Quartermaine who was the last mayor, she doesn’t think he sent any of his tax returns to the council any year. Jordan says she can’t say she blames him, and Laura says, Ned didn’t see the need for transparency, but when she took over as mayor that city business should be. So she turned her tax returns over to the city council every year, and in return, they accused her of all kinds of things, but never of being a crook. Jordan says, if it’s okay with Laura, she’ll scan the documents herself. She doesn’t want them floating around the office. Laura tells her to do whatever she wants to do here. There is one more thing she’d like to discuss with Jordan, but it’s a little bit more of a touchy subject. Jordan says, touchier than sharing her finances with a bunch of strangers? and Laura says, it’s about her brother. Jordan says, Martin? but Laura says, Cyrus.

Josslyn and Trina jog to a bench area in the park, and Josslyn asks if Trina needs to take a break. Trina says, unless Josslyn wants to carry her the rest of the way. Why did she let Josslyn talk her into this? Josslyn says, because Trina loves her and missed running with her, and Trina says she does, but she also hates Josslyn a little. Can they walk? Josslyn says, of course (🍷). They can also call a car and go home and have some pizza. She thinks a few more runs and Trina will have her mojo back. Trina says she doesn’t think it’s ever coming back, no matter what she does, but Josslyn tells her, don’t say that. She hasn’t been exactly where Trina is now, but she knows how heavy grief can be. It can weigh you down. When you move, you get stronger, and it gives your brain a chance to reset. Trina says, it’s like your fighting for survival, right? and Josslyn says, that’s part of it. Trina says she appreciates Josslyn. Sometimes she gets in a rut, but Josslyn just reminded her of a way to get out of it. Josslyn says, Trina is the best friend she’s ever had, and she’s stronger than she knows. She just wants Trina to be able to see it for herself. What can she say? She loves Trina. Train says she loves Josslyn too, and Josslyn says she misses running with Trina. And she misses living with her. The dorm is so sad. They see Dex walking toward them.

At Pizzulo’s, Sonny tells Brick that they have to talk out in the restaurant. A VIP has taken over his office. Brick asks, who’s more important than Sonny? and Sonny says, Avery. She’s doing her homework. What does Brick have for him? Brick says, a couple of his men went after Cates in the manner they discussed, and the meeting was interrupted when a good Samaritan drove up. Sonny says, a good Samaritan who just happened to be driving around the waterfront? and Brick says, yeah, but not before they finished the work on Cates. Sonny asks where the work was taking place, and Brick says, about a block away from Sonny’s coffee warehouse.

TJ finds Gregory in an exam room and apologizes for keeping him waiting. Gregory says he didn’t know TJ was. He thought Dr. Cramer was keeping him waiting. TJ says, Dr. Cramer was called the ER for an emergency consult and asked if he could handle his late appointments. With Gregory’s consent of course (🍷). Gregory says he’s already here, so let’s do this. On the condition TJ calls him Gregory and not Mr. Chase. TJ says he can do that, and Gregory says, good. His appointments with Dr. Cramer go almost the same way every time, so this might be a nice change of pace. TJ says he’ll do his best, and Gregory says, it shouldn’t be hard. He knows the drill. TJ will ask him if he’s had a fall since his last appointment and if he did, how many times did he fall and how badly did he hurt himself? What were the circumstances just prior to the fall? Is there anything specific that might have triggered it? TJ laughs.

Felicia tells Maxie, it wasn’t all that bad. Sasha slid in and saved the day, right? Maxie says, yeah. Sasha saved their sales, even dressed as a stable hand, and Scott ran interference with Lucy which earned him a distinguished service medal. Felicia asks, then why was Maxie on the floor, face down yelling into a rug? and Maxie says she dropped some stuff and when she got down on the floor to pick it up, she just sort of went with it. Felicia says she usually yells into a pillow. What’s going on? Maxie says, lately, she just feels like maybe there are too many personalities around here, and Felicia says, she must be talking about Lucy obviously, but is there a next runner-up? Maxie says, it’s really hard to rank them, but everyone is tired of Lucy. Tracy is tired of all of them. Sasha’s willing to pinch hit, but she’s tired of Deception. And let’s face it, Brook is never tired of music management or planning her wedding, but Deception is coming in a distant third on her priority list. Felicia says, so Maxie is taking care of the entire business herself, and Maxie says she can’t really blame Brook for being so focused on her wedding. Chase’s dad is sick. Hey, the accountants say Deception is finally in the black. Although you’d never be able to tell from looking at her checkbook. Felicia says, while Maxie is taking care of everything at Deception, who’s taking care of her?

Brick says he doesn’t know what Cates was doing down at the waterfront last night, but he paid the price for it, and Sonny asks if he turned up at GH. Brick says, no. There was a discreet inquiry at GH, Mercy, and Founders Hospital, but there was no record of a Cates being admitted. However, he’s sure his guys roughed Cates up a little bit and they didn’t break any bones, but the message was definitely sent. Sonny says, he’d have to be smart enough to get that, and John Jagger Cates is not smart at all. He has no loyalty, no guts. When his brother, Stone, was dying of AIDS, where was Jagger? Nowhere to be found. Does Brick know why? Because he couldn’t handle it. Brick says, so Sonny stepped in, and Sonny says, yeah, he stepped in. He loved that kid. And he’d do it again. Brick says, and yet, Cates doesn’t seem to be overflowing with gratitude, and Sonny says, he just comes with hatred. Something’s wrong with the guy; there’s something missing. Brick says he can see that, and Sonny says, but he’s not smart. But why is it hard for him to believe Cates would think he’d be at the warehouse?… He knows why – Jason. Brick says, it’s hard for him to believe Jason’s working with Cates, and Sonny asks, why? Jason came to his house and told him to his face. He is an FBI informant. The dots between Cates and Jason are not hard to connect. Brick says, in his experience, sometimes you can connect the two wrong dots and it could lead to presenting a very misleading picture. Which brings him to Dex Heller.

Trina says she didn’t know Dex was staying in town, and Dex says, it’s good to see her. She says, him too. Is he working? Looking for a job? Josslyn says, Dex actually applied to the PCPD, and Trina says she wouldn’t have guessed that Sonny and the PCPD would be in the same career path. He says, it’s a bit of a career curve ball. The pay’s not great, but he wants to see if he can make it happen. She asks if that’s why he’s taking a last workout before dinner, and he says, it can’t hurt. Trina looks from Dex to Josslyn and says, come on, guys. She knows they broke up, but she doesn’t know why. But watching them right now, she thinks they don’t know either.

Maxie says she had her doubts about Deception, but at least they’re still in business, and things are looking better every month. As far as taking care of herself goes, that is not going quite as well. Felicia says, who are you and what have you done with Maxie? She used to never have trouble prioritizing self-care. Maxie says, Felicia means she was selfish and self-absorbed, but Felicia says, that’s not what she means. It’s good to put yourself first, but ever since Maxie’s been a mother, she’s always put everyone else’s needs ahead of her own. As Maxie’s mom, she has to say, it’s really starting to worry her. Maxie says she’s tired. She’s mad at everyone, and that is exhausting. Felicia tells her, you know what they say, it’s healthy to let go of your anger, and Maxie says, okay. She’s tired of being mad at Lucy for being Lucy. She’s tired of Tracy and her literal all-around impossibleness. She’s tired of being mad at Felicia for the whole Spinelli faking a flood in his apartment so he could move in thing, and she’s mad at Spinelli for going along with that. Felicia says, Maxie really has to let Spinelli off the hook. She really played up the fact that she was Maxie’s mom when she asked him, so he really didn’t have a choice. Maxie says, Felicia isn’t really helping with the whole less mad at her thing. And she’s really tired of Spinelli being the one guy she cares about, but she can’t let near her. Felicia asks if she hears herself, but Maxie says, of course (🍷) not. She’s doing more venting than listening. Felicia tells her that what she just said makes no sense. It’s completely illogical. Maxie says she’s illogical? That’s on Felicia. Felicia raised her to be polite and good with numbers. She didn’t raise Maxie to be logical.

Laura says, neither one of them is excited to talk about Cyrus, but she’d like to have Jordan’s input. Jordan says she’s the last person to ask. She can’t be objective. Laura says she knows Jordan and Cyrus have history. Jordan knew him before he and Laura knew they shared a father. Jordan says her goal was to put Cyrus in prison for crimes she knew he committed. She compromised herself in doing that, and he retaliated in ways that almost destroyed her. She can’t revisit that. Laura says, her feelings are completely justified. She’s found herself more than once looking over the list of horrible crimes that he’s committed, and some of them he’s been convicted for. Jordan says, and most of which he hasn’t, and Laura says she knows. It sometimes takes everything in her not to roll her eyes when he shows up on her doorstep and he’s quoting Scripture. She does know there are some hardened criminals though, that undergo a sort of a spiritual awakening. Jordan says, that’s usually in the time between their guilty verdict and their sentencing. She’s sorry. She’s showing her bias. Laura says, that’s okay. Most of those guys don’t end up sounding like Cyrus. Jordan says she’s not in a position to judge anyone. She falsified evidence to get Cyrus convicted. She’s not proud of it, but she’s not ashamed of it either. Laura says, Jordan thinks she doesn’t understand her motives? Really? Knowing what Jordan does know, does she think there’s any justification at all for what Sonny did to Cyrus? Jordan says, in her deepest, darkest fantasy, she may have dreamt about vigilante justice, but it’s not something she would go through with. She wants to trust the law. Laura says, and that’s her dilemma. It’s not with Cyrus. It’s with the man who nearly beat him to death with just his fists.

Dex says, it was great to see Trina, but he should get going, but Trina says, what happened? The three of them used to be so close, and now they’re just standing here like they met at a party three years ago. Josslyn says, they’ve all changed, and Trina says, they have changed. What happened to Spencer completely derailed her life, but here they are and they’re acting like they ain’t got nothing to say to each other. Josslyn says she thinks they just need a little time, but Trina asks if they’ve learned nothing from what she’s been through. You don’t get more time. This is all you have. This is it. Spencer is gone. But she has all this love for him here inside her. Her love for him didn’t disappear just because he did. Dex and Josslyn used to be so in love with each other, it was annoying, and they’re still here. So figure it out. She leaves, and Josslyn says she’ll be right behind her. Dex says, she’s been through too much, and Josslyn says she thinks Trina just needs her friends right now, and like it or not, they are those friends. He says, whatever she wants him to do, he’ll do it, and she says she thinks they just need to figure out a way to be at the same place at the same time without making everyone feel wildly uncomfortable. He says he’s in. Whatever it takes.

Sonny says, Dex Heller is dead to him. He should be dead period. Brick says he’s the one who discovered Dex and the big deposits he was receiving into his account while Sonny was getting shot at in Puerto Rico and the MetroCourt. Sonny says, yeah. So? Brick says he hasn’t been able to track the source of the money, and Sonny knows how good he is at finding out things. Sonny says he knows where the money came from – Michael, and Brick says, Michael? Sonny says, Corinthos, and Brick asks why his son would be paying Dex. Sonny says, to spy on him, so he could get information and give it to the FBI, but Brick says, that makes no sense. Sonny says he knows it doesn’t make any sense, but that’s the way Michael is. He’s like one of the other guys. He loves his son. He took care of him. But he didn’t know whether to give Sonny a little respect and loyalty or spy on him and take him down. Brick says he’s so sorry, but he feels like he got it wrong with Dex. He put Dex in a position he didn’t entirely deserve. Sonny says, everybody makes mistakes. His first mistake was trusting Dex, but Brick gave him the heads up and told him something was off with Dex. Brick says, maybe now he’s wise enough to give Sonny a wide berth, and Sonny says, Dex knows better than to mess with him because he’s smarter than Jagger. Brick says, it’s getting late, so he’s going to get out of here and leave Sonny to his dinner. Sonny says, Ava’s going to show up here pretty soon, and Brick says, not that it’s any of his business, but how are things at home with the two of them? Sonny says, it’s nice to have a woman around, and they laugh. They shake hands and Brick leaves.

Jordan says, Sonny Corinthos? They both know he’s the one who nearly beat Cyrus to death on New Year’s Eve. Laura says, the more she thinks about that, the less she feels like a city official and the more she feels like Sonny’s accomplice. Jordan says, unless Laura’s been doing some side work for Sonny she’s unaware of, she doesn’t know where Laura is getting that from. Laura says, it’s because she tells herself that she and Sonny are old friends. Cyrus, although he’s a blood relative, has committed all of these horrible crimes. She thinks he’s trying to straighten himself out, but she doesn’t really know. All she knows is, he’s going about it in the most irritating way possible. She loses patience with him. She’s slammed the door in his face. Jordan says, there’s a big difference between slamming a door and trying to kill someone, and Laura says, but her point is, if it were anyone but Sonny who attacked Cyrus, who attacked anyone and put them in the hospital, she would want the police to pursue that case. She would want the assailant to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. So why would Sonny be the exception? And no one, especially not the mayor, should look away from a crime because it was committed by someone they thought was their friend. Jordan asks if she’s thinking of having Sonny arrested, and Laura says, the one thing she does know is, that’s not her call to make, but she does know whose call it is.

Ava comes into Pizzulo’s and tells Sonny she’s sorry. It’s like a whole week was jammed into one day. He says, don’t worry about it, and she says she thought he and Avery would be starving by the time she got here. He says he already made Avery dinner, the Corinthos meatball special. She says, lucky Avery, and Sonny says, she told him about her day, that it was good. He put her in the office. She fell asleep on the couch. Ava thanks him for doing all that and he says, his pleasure. Why was her day long? She says she doesn’t think it’s something he wants to hear, but he says, try me. She says she thinks it’s better if she doesn’t. Some of it has to do with she who must not be named. He says, Carly, but she says, the other one who mustn’t be named. He asks what Nina wants, and she says, him.

TJ asks if Gregory is having any difficulties with his medication. Does he ever miss a dose? Gregory says, not on purpose. One of his pills is every six hours, another one’s every eight hours, one of them is on an empty stomach, one of them is with food. Sometimes he just gets frustrated and takes them all at once. TJ says, not ideal, and Gregory says, that’s not counting the times he can’t remember if he took them, so he takes them again. Or not at all. TJ says, he might need a better system, and Gregory says his son Finn is quite the taskmaster. TJ says, not only at home, and Gregory says, TJ isn’t the first person to tell him that. Finn always seems to know what pills he takes, when he took them, and what meds are on deck. Finn is probably the reason he’s doing as well as he is, and people seem to think he is. TJ asks what Gregory thinks, and he says he tries not to compare how he’s feeling today with how he was feeling a year ago. TJ says, wise man, but Gregory says, not so much wise as older. But TJ is young. Does he have kids? TJ says he and his partner have one on the way. They’re using a surrogate. Gregory says he and Alexis work together. He thinks she said something about that. His partner is Molly, and her sister is their surrogate? TJ says, Kristina. And if Gregory works with Alexis, he bets Gregory’s heard a lot. He’s going to try and keep Alexis from scrubbing in during the birth. Gregory laughs and says, good luck with that. When is the baby due? TJ says, in August, and Gregory says, that’s just wonderful. TJ shows him crossed fingers, and Gregory asks if there’s a problem.

Felicia says she did set out to raise a strong, capable, brilliant daughter, but she also raised Maxie to be illogical, so she’d have at least one flaw. Maxie says, congratulations on a job well done. Let’s call it a day. Felicia asks, what’s going on with Spinelli? and Maxie says she kissed Spinelli the night they found out Jason was back. Emotions were running high. Felicia asks why she’s just hearing about this now, and Maxie says, because it’s not logical for her to tell her mom about some crazy nerd she kissed, unless she’s going to follow it up with, she thinks he’s the one. Felicia says he doesn’t really see this as a problem and why she’s still on Maxie’s grudge list. Her matchmaking skills worked. Maxie says, Felicia is still on her list because she’s broken Spinelli’s heart so many times, she can’t do it to him again. And it doesn’t matter that James adores him or that Georgie is crazy about her dad or that Bailey Lou lights up every time Spinelli walks into a room. And it definitely doesn’t matter that she loves Spinelli and probably will forever.

TJ says, he’s a doctor, so he knows it’s important to have the proper amount of sleep, have good nutrition, exercise moderately. If you want to have a healthy baby, that’s the best chance. Gregory says, absolutely, but men and women have been worrying about their unborn children for centuries and in circumstances far more daunting than these. In fact, there was this famous Union officer who fought ferociously in the Civil War. Her disguise was so good, no one realized she was a woman until she went into labor on the battlefield, and she and her baby were just fine. TJ asks if that’s true, and Gregory says he doesn’t remember where he read it, but it’s true. TJ says, so Gregory is telling him this could be worse. Kristina could be eating hardtack and giving birth during Gettysburg. Gregory says, it’s an extreme event, but his point is, long before they were walking the earth, babies were coming out just fine. And of course (🍷) there are sad exceptions to everything, but worrying about them in advance isn’t going to make them more or less likely to happen. This is TJ’s moment. Live in it.

Sonny asks what Ava told Nina, and she says, nothing. As a matter of principle, she doesn’t tell Nina or anyone else anything about him. He says, she had to want something, and Ava says, she does. She wants him back. He says, you know what’s sad? She can’t accept the marriage is over and move on. Ava says she’s sorry it came up at all. His marriage is between him and Nina. He tells her, like he said, until Nina can accept the marriage is over and signs the divorce papers, she’s just going to be hurting. He’s sorry Ava had to go through that. She says, it’s all right. She can sympathize with Nina, even though she knows Nina has no one to blame for her situation but herself.

Dex asks if Josslyn is okay, and she says, yeah, she guesses. It was a huge gift getting Jason back. Her mom’s over the moon. She’s just been happier and lighter, and it kind of just energized the rest of them. He says, she looks great, and she thanks him. She says she just went for a run, so she probably doesn’t smell great, and he says he misses her smell, and her warmth, and her hair across his face.

Brick walks into Jordan’s office carrying a bouquet and says he hopes he’s not disturbing her. The woman at the end of the hall told him that he could find her here. These are for her. He hands her the flowers, and she says, he remembered she likes daffodils. He says he remembered everything about her, and hopes she remembered that he said he’d be back. She says she remembers hearing something like that, and he says, then he just has one more question. Can she come out and play?

Felicia says she was remembering a time when she was in the exact same place Maxie is in. She was in love with someone, and after years of false starts and misfires, she finally realized he was the love of her life. Maxie says, Mac, and Felicia says, when she and Mac broke up, she didn’t think their relationship could be mended. And when it was mended, she was so afraid to let him in. She was so afraid she’d do something to screw it up for good, but then she listened to her heart, not her fear. She’s so glad she did, because when she and Mac were married for the last time, they both knew it was forever. Maxie says she and Spinelli broke up once and it nearly killed her. If she lets him in again, how does she know nothing bad will happen? Felicia says, she doesn’t. She just needs to have a little faith. Maxie says she survived a break-up with Spinelli once. She doesn’t know if she could do it twice. Felicia takes her hands and asks if Maxie thinks Spinelli has the same worries she does, because Felicia doesn’t. He’s seen Maxie at her worst, at her best, and everything else in between, and he never turned away from her until she kicked him out and closed the door behind him. And after he was gone, were either one of them any happier?

Gregory looks at TJ’s tablet and asks if he has to put his glasses on or can TJ tell him if it’s a boy or a girl. TJ says, they told the OB/GYN that they didn’t want to know, so he carefully picked ultrasound pictures where you can’t see. Gregory asks if he’s secretly hoping for one or the other, and TJ says he’s secretly hoping it’s a girl, but Molly can never know that. Gregory says, and she never will, and TJ says, but he’s just hoping the baby is healthy, and has all the necessary toes and fingers and doesn’t know who its surrogate was, because she’s a little crazy and so is her family. Gregory says, so for his partner, TJ snatched up the only entirely sane member of the family, and TJ says, Molly and Kristina are… passionate. Molly is perfect except for all these excuses she keeps making for Kristina. He thinks they’re going to keep rolling off his back like they used to once the baby is here. Gregory says he doesn’t envy TJ right now. All he can do is wait and worry, but it’ll pass. It’s about to be so wonderful. Trust him. TJ thanks him and says, but isn’t Gregory supposed to be the patient and he’s supposed to be the doctor? Gregory says, in his last act as TJ’s physician, let him just say, eat all his vegetables, don’t drink to excess, and he’ll see TJ in a year for his next follow-up. They shake hands and TJ thanks him.

Jordan tells Brick, not bad. Funny with enough sexy to pull it off. He says, she hasn’t seen his sexy yet. She has to sign a release first. She says, the woman down the hall is a notary. Does she need to call her, or should she just take her chances? He says, she’s not taking a chance on him. He’s a sure thing. She asks if he’s saying he’s easy, and he says, for her? Always. She says she needs to finish scanning these before this conversation gets her in trouble with human resources. He says, they’re definitely taking a chance because they’re not safe or suitable for work, and she laughs. She says, a man who can make a human resources joke, and he says, once she finishes that up, he can impress her some more. He can take her out to dinner someplace nice and quiet. And while she’s doing that, if he can find a sink, he can put the flowers in some water for her. She says, no need to do that. She’s taking them home with her. She’s just been scanning these tax returns for the city council all evening. He says he knew that’s what those were. He caught a look earlier. She says, her tax returns are private. He doesn’t need to be looking at them. He says his apologies. So since she showed him hers, he’ll show her his.

Josslyn says she wants to say something and wants Dex to just let her say it, and he says, sure. She says she thinks she knows why he’s doing this. When she found out he was willing to kill for Sonny, she came down on him really hard. And now she thinks he’s trying to prove to her, and himself, that he’s not that guy. He says, okay, and she says, if he was cleaning toilets at a middle school or rescuing puppies, she would respect that and back him up 100%, but not this. He can’t become a cop. It puts him squarely in Sonny’s sights. He says he’s not going to go looking for Sonny, badge or no badge, but she says, he knows too much about Sonny’s business. Eventually, Sonny is going to want to get rid of him for that, so badge or no badge, it doesn’t matter. He says, Sonny had a chance to get rid of him and he didn’t, and she says, because her mom stopped him. But he doesn’t listen to her anymore. And Dex knows Sonny loses his mind a little bit every time he thinks someone betrayed him. Look at what Sonny did to him. He hung Dex from a meat hook and put him in a freezer the first time he thought Dex lied. Dex says, and she saved him. he hasn’t forgotten. She says, he’s not going to let this go and Dex knows that. They might not be together anymore, but she doesn’t want anything bad happening to him, ever. She has to go. She gets up and he asks her to wait.

Felicia says, it wasn’t fair of her to conspire with Spinelli, to make an excuse for him to move in, and Maxie says, that was a rare, but rather large swing and miss for her. That’s okay though. Most of the time, she’s very wise. It wouldn’t kill her to actually listen to Felicia once in a while. Felicia says she didn’t expect Maxie to say that, and Maxie says she didn’t expect to say it, but she’s tired. To be honest, she’s surrounded by a lot of wise people. Mac, Felicia, Brook… Even James has this really cute way of looking at life where he cuts through the noise. Not her though. She is the noise. Felicia says, there are so many people that love Maxie. She just wishes Maxie could be one of them. Maxie says, most days she’s okay. Sometimes it’s rough though. Felicia says, those are the days she needs someone at home who loves her more than anything. Like an adorable, crazy nerd, for instance. She hugs Maxie.

Dex says, before Josslyn goes, there are some things he thinks she should know. He told Commissioner Devane that he would testify against Sonny. She says, what? How? He says he didn’t have any hard evidence, so she said it would just be his word against Sonny’s. She says, and anyone else Sonny got to lie for him, and he says, right. She said it would all end up in the wash and he’d end up with an even bigger target on his back. She says, as if that’s possible, and he says, so the Commissioner suggested he become a cop so it would give him some level of protection. He doesn’t know if it will or not, but once he started this process, he saw it as a second chance. Not to prove anything to her, but because it felt right to him. She says, that’s as it should be, and he says he fought for his country. Then he fought for that man to make money by any means possible. Sonny saved his life and put his faith in him, and he thought he’d found a home in him. But someone like that can never be home. Fighting for what is good and decent, protecting people from being victimized, that is the fight he wants. She says, even if he’s fighting for people like Cyrus, but he says he doesn’t get to pick and choose. He wanted her to know where he was coming from when he applied to the academy. She says she appreciates him telling her, and he runs off.

Jordan says she thinks it’s best that any and all financial records Brick has, remain a mystery to her, but he says, there’s nothing scary or bad in there. He’s just a consultant who’s very good at his job and very high in demand. She says she knows. She’s familiar with one of his clients who has a frequent demand for his services. He says, that may be one of his clients, but he’s not his clients any more than she’s the city’s infrastructure, which by the way, could use some improvements. She says, thank you… I think, and he says, come on. Even superheroes get hungry. She says, that’s true, and he says, come on. His phone rings, and he says, yeah?… Argh… All right. Tell him that he’s one his way… Fine, he will. Damn. She says, he did tell her that he was in demand, and he says he was hoping she’d be the one doing the demanding. She says, next time he’s in town, let her know, and he asks if that’s a demand. She says, not quite, but something like that, and he says, then how can he refuse? He leaves and she wonders what’s wrong with her.

Ava says she’s going to say something she probably shouldn’t, and Sonny says, let’s hear it. She says she knows they’re not together in the conventional sense, but the truth is, she really likes living with him. He says, yeah. He likes it too. Sometimes unconventional is the way to go. They both smile.

Tomorrow, Brook says she appreciates the offer, and Chase says, but she’s not going to take it; Gregory tells Elizabeth that he thinks he knows; Laura says she and someone else have been standing in the way of it for far too long; Anna says, they’ll be ready; and Cyrus says he holds Sonny’s fate in his hands.

Vanderpump Rules

Scheana meets with everyone, minus the Toms, James, and Ally, at Kyle Chan’s store to shoot her Good As Gold video. She says she got a text from Katie and she’s not coming. She said she’s on her death bed. In Scheana’s interview, she wonders if Katie is really sick or avoiding Lala after the fight they had. We flash back to that, and Scheana says, when she recorded Good As Gold, she never imagined 10 years later she’d be doing a video. Going back to the studio with The 27 made her realize how good music has been for her. It’s a creative outlet where she can let her feelings out. She couldn’t be happier.

Ally tells James that Rachel did a podcast, and she’s blaming him for Hippie’s behavior. There’s podcast talk at the shoot as well, and Scheana says she’s been going since 7 am and hasn’t listened to it, but people texted her. She hasn’t been able to catch up. She tells Ariana that Raquel claimed she and Ariana were acquaintances. In Ariana’s interview, she says she and Raquel spent a ton of time together. We flash back to some of that and Raquel saying that these are her forever friends. Ariana tells us, when Raquel says they weren’t good friends, it’s to make herself feel better about what she did. Or she’s saying Ariana is sh*t. Scheana says, Raquel claimed she had a savior complex and that their friendship was equally beneficial. But Raquel never paid for anything, not even toilet paper, and she had sex in Scheana’s bed. Ally tells James that Raquel said she was upset after she and James broke up and wasn’t over him. She never loved Sandoval. That’s not what she said last summer. We flash back to the Reunion where Andy used the words in love with Tom, and she agrees she was. James says, Sandoval offered to have him open for his band at the El Ray, and in James’s interview, he says he understands Sandoval lied, as he lied to Sandoval in the past, but he’s trying to figure out their friendship. Was it real and is there anything to salvage?  He tells Ally that even though he doesn’t open for anyone, he’s considering it, and Ally says, it’s depressing. She wants to move on to brighter topics. She tells James that Lala is having a sperm donor party and letting her friends pick out the baby daddy.

Lala asks Ariana if she can have the party at her house, but Ariana says, the house is a hot mess without Ann, and we see a clip that says, life without Ann. It’s not even hot. It’s just a mess. She tells Lala that when she has a new house, Lala can absolutely get inseminated there. In Lala’s interview, she says, it’s a monumental moment, the picking of her future child, who will be part of her life until she dies. She wants to take the science jargon out of it a little. We see a clip of her visiting the lab, and she says she’s trying to figure out ways she can look at her baby and say, they were brought here out of love. It may look different, but love is love. Lala says she’s going to ask Lisa. Ally tells James that Lala was venting about Katie at paintball. They’re both intense personalities and need to work it out. James agrees.

Schwartz says, the dogs are all he’s got, when Sandoval walks in. Schwartz apologizes for the condition of the fridge. Lately, things have fallen apart. Sandoval says he’s shell shocked that Raquel said she wasn’t in love with him on the podcast. She’s acting as though she somehow got the worst of it. Schwartz says, they both got it bad, and Sandoval cries, saying, he thought she’d see the work he’s done on himself. In Sandoval’s interview, he says he wasn’t ready to give up hope until he heard from her. Now he has. To go through all that and not give it a shot, what was it all for? He tells Schwartz that he doesn’t understand. He would do anything for her. Schwartz says, regardless of what she said, she probably just wanted to be heard before she pursues her new life. It’s been over. Me: sorry not sorry.

Lisa goes to TomTom and asks bartender Logan if the Toms are there. He says he hasn’t seen them, and she says, they’re supposed to be showing her cocktails. In Lisa’s interview, she says, it will never be PUMP; it’s a different aesthetic. But there’s no reason they can’t develop the restaurant part and add brunch. Scwartz arrives, and Lisa asks if he’s keeping his hair or is she shaving it off. Logan says, it turns him on, and Lisa says, then keep it. Lisa says, Sandoval was supposed to be here at 1:15, and Schwartz says, it’s 1:45. Schwartz tells her that Sandoval listened to Raquel’s podcast, and Lisa says she hopes Raquel said something nice, but Logan says, she didn’t. Lisa says, who cares? She doesn’t love Sandoval. She’s been open about that. Schwartz says, it’s over, and Lisa says, Raquel has been away for three months, and she thought Sandoval was in a better place. Schwartz says, he was, when Sandoval finally shows up. Lisa says, he’s late, really late. He says he’s sorry, and Lisa asks if he wants to talk. He begrudgingly says, I guess so, and Schwartz makes himself scarce. Lisa doesn’t have to pry too hard for Sandoval to admit he’s upset because of the podcast. She asks why he’s listening to it, and he says he wants to know what she’s saying. It’s bullsh*t. She says, don’t listen. Why torture himself? She asks about the house and Sandoval says he’s accepting Ariana’s offer. She asks if he’s going to sell it or buy her out, and he says he’s thinking about it. He made the offer over two months ago, and his thoughts have changed. In Sandoval’s interview, he says, it took Ariana so long to get back to him, he’s on the fence whether he’s going to keep it or if he can refinance. If he refinances, he’ll be paying more than double what he’s currently paying. Lala joins them, and Lisa asks what she wanted to talk about. Lala asks if she can host her sperm donor party at Lisa’s home, and Lisa asks if there will be j*rking off in her back garden. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Lala assures her that nobody is going to be doing that. It’s going to be beautiful, and she has the catering lined up and the balloons. Everyone will get a packet with the donor information, and they’ll vote. Lisa asks if everyone else is choosing her sperm donor, and Lala says, including Lisa. Let her be excited. Lisa says she gives her blessing… she guesses.

Scheana and Brock go to Ariana’s house, and Ariana says, Logan was at TomTom and said Sandoval was having second thoughts about buying her out and might want to sell. They could have sold in March, and she could have been out of here. In Ariana’s interview, she says, now that Sandoval got an actual look at the financial end, he realized he couldn’t do it. She could have told him that before. It’s hard being right sometimes, especially when that’s always the case. Brock tells her that they heard part 4 of Rachel’s podcast: How Do You Like Them Apples? In Scheana’s interview, she says she’s got a new song with The 27 called Apples. When she first wrote it, it was only about Raquel, but she extended the second verse, and it was directed at Sandoval. She’s trying to take a traumatic experience and turn it into a piece of art. It’s therapeutic and it’s catchy. Scheana says, Ariana has a lot on her shoulders. She has everything, and that’s amazing, but she’s still dealing with a lot, so they’re seeing what they can help with. Ariana says she doesn’t touch what isn’t hers, and in her interview, Scheana says, Ariana and Sandoval’s house has always been on the messier side. But if it’s so messy now that Ariana doesn’t want people over, that worries her. She doesn’t want Ariana falling back into a dark place. You don’t want a messy house that’s a reflection of your mental health. She and Brock get to work, and Ariana says, they’re doing the assistant’s job. Scheana comes out with a present that’s been there since Christmas, and it’s now August. In Ariana’s interview, she says, now that she knows for sure she’s moving, she’s not unpacking anything and putting it away. If she receives a box, she just stacks it. It’s one less thing she has to pack. Scheana says, she’ll feel better if they throw the trash away. Scheana picks up… something, and Ariana says, they don’t want to touch that, but Brock says, they’ve got a kid. Scheana says, she’s touched worse things. She cleans up after Brock. Brock says he’s not that bad.

Sandoval rehearses with his band and it’s pretty awful. James comes in with Hippie as Sandoval leaps around the stage. James says, Sandoval is the talk of the town, and Sandoval says, it’s been a rough couple of days. James says he’s been there with Raquel and learned his lesson. Sandoval says he tried to look out for Raquel, but he realizes he cared more than her. It was f***ing bullsh*t and disrespectful. She used him and threw him away. I have no words, and James says, he lived his own life after he and Raquel broke up. He’s done talking sh*t. Sandoval says he has no closure, and James says, f*** closure. Sandoval says, Raquel is selfish. She gave James the ultimatum about not drinking because she thought he couldn’t do it. James says, Raquel said she didn’t love Sandoval and had sex with him because she was getting over James. Sandoval says, if they had sex when they’d meet, it was only for a little bit. They mostly talked. James says, what Sandoval had with Ariana was true love. He forgot and now wants to rewrite history. Have fun with his band. James isn’t opening for him. This is a joke. In James’s interview, he says, Sandoval can’t let go of the past. He’s waiting for Sandoval to get a clue, but maybe he never will. He’ll be 75, doing karaoke, and taking out his d*ck flute. STFU. Sandoval tells James to go push some buttons on his laptop as James walks out.

Puffy! There’s a gorgeous spread awaiting Lala’s party at Villa Rosa. Lala tells Lisa that after everyone’s bellies are full, they’re going to play pin the sperm on the vagina. In Lala’s interview, she says, she’s a couple hours away from choosing a baby daddy. There are so many supportive people who love her daughter, she knows they’ll love on the new baby. Ally tells Katie that the argument she had with Lala sounded heated. At paintball, Lala said she seemed miserable and was getting upset easily. Katie insists she’s not miserable and getting upset easily. She’s tired of the same dumb sh*t. In Katie’s interview, she wonders, since when does Lala talk sh*t behind her back instead of to her face?

Schwartz visits Sandoval and meets new assistant Craig. In Sandoval’s interview, he says he met Craig when Craig interviewed for Schwartz & Sandy’s. He’s now Sandoval’s new assistant. It didn’t work out with Ann, so Craig is coming on board. Sandoval says he’s delayed responding to Ariana’s email so he can hang out with Mya longer. He’d consider keeping the house… Schwartz asks him not to say, if he had a roommate. Roommates are terrible. But hypothetically, what rent would he be paying? Sandoval says, $6000. Schwartz pays $4500 now, so it’s not that bad. I guess Sandoval is bad at math since that’s a big monthly jump. Schwartz says, he can’t put something like that in and not get a return. He’d have no equity. Sandoval says, they could get loan together, but Schwartz says, they’ll be looked at like two nincompoops.

Lala tells the guests, before they pick donors, they need to go through their binders. She thanks them for coming here because she loves them, and now she’s getting emotional. This isn’t how she pictured her life, but she’s beyond grateful this is an option. The one thing she feels she’s good at is being a mama. But before they pick a baby daddy, they’re going to play pin the sperm on the vagina. She thinks Lisa should go first. Lisa wonders how she got roped into this, and in Lisa’s interview, she says she’s blindfolded. How is she supposed to know where the vagina is? She can barely find her own. What about Ken? He’s used to fumbling around. Maybe he’d do a better job. Lala says, okay, bitches and gays, lets pick a f***ing donor. She brings out Ryan from the sperm bank who’s been walking her through the process. She goes over the donors, and in Ariana’s interview, she says, a word of advice to potential donors. Be thorough and heartfelt with your answers. Are you in it for the right reasons? Lisa says, Lala must have the one whose favorite animal is a dog, and Lala’s mom wants the one who cooks. Lala reminds them that they’re not shopping for a man, just his sperm. She has the voters use a happy/negative face paddle to vote, and donor one is a slam dunk. In Lala’s interview, she says, she has her baby daddy. Going this route is giving her what her heart and soul so badly want. She tears up and says, it’s very exciting. She tells the guests that she’s planning on a November or December insemination, which would mean an August or September due date. Next summer, she’ll be bumping around. Lisa says she had more fun conceiving Lala’s baby than she did her own.

Ally tells James about the party, and in her interview, she says, the questions she’d ask would be, what was their GPA in high school and what is their sun sign? She tells James that Lala asked if she wants a baby, and she said, one day, but she’s not ready right now. James says he sees it in the future, and Ally says she never felt called to being a mom. She’s felt it with cats and dogs, but not a baby. She had no dreams of marriage. James says, these are things he wants, that he’s worked his whole life for. He sees a future with her, and it scares him that she’s not ready. He doesn’t want to invest another five years and find out it’s bullsh*t and never meant anything. In James’s interview, he says, he thinks about everything leading up to this moment and the girl he loves has no plans for kids. It would break his heart. He tells Ally that the love chapter in his life wasn’t what he thought it would be. He doesn’t want to think about going back to square one. It would be a nightmare to him. Ally says she loves him and sees a future with him. She wouldn’t be with him if she didn’t.

At TomTom, they prepare for the first brunch, and Schwartz says he’s going to pass out shots. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, the brunch has been five years in the making. It’s not how he envisioned it with PUMP on the other side, but it’s a win. They have a great turnout and he thinks it will be one of their biggest selling points moving forward. James tell Sandoval that he’s sorry, and in his interview, James says, after he talked to Ally, he remembered he has to be the bigger person. He sets up his DJ stuff, and Lala asks what Katie and Ally were discussing at her party. Katie says, Ally said Lala claimed she seemed miserable and getting angry at everything. Lala asks if Ally said that was verbatim, and Ally says she’s trying to remember. We flash back to Lala using the word unhappy. Lala tells Katie that she was going to have a conversation with her, since she felt Katie wasn’t in a happy place, but Katie says, she’s wrong. Lala says she wants to know she won’t trigger Katie, since Katie said she didn’t feel Lala was loyal or consistent. Katie says, it’s not that. She thinks Lala’s softness is going to not deserving people, and she’s been more defensive. Lala says, maybe it’s because they were inseparable last year and now, she doesn’t know where her place is. She gets it. She has a kid. Katie says she doesn’t have a person or kids. She has all the time in the world. She doesn’t want Lala to feel like she has no time for her. Scheana says she’s learned that Lala needs someone checking in with her, and Katie says she texts and calls Lala. Lala starts to cry, and in Katie’s interview, she says she’d love to have Lala as a close friend, but it goes both ways. It’s an effort, not an obligation. Lala says she needs Katie to know that she loves her for who she is. She wants them to show up for each other, and wonders if they can get back to that. Scheana wonders if they can go back to being the Spice Girls now.

Brunch is in full swing. James is doing his thing, and the response is good. Sandoval tells Schwartz that he got something from Doug about another property they could possibly move into. After living with the enemy, he realizes… Scheana comes over, and says, every day, it’s something new about Sandoval. She asks how he’s doing, and he says he feels betrayed and hurt and he’s not getting closure. Scheana says, none of them are. She wrote a song and there are a couple of specific lines… Sandoval says, about the affair? and Scheana says, it’s open to interpretation. In Schwartz’s interview, he says, it’s open to interpretation aside from the fact Raquel drove a Jetta (mentioned in the song). Sandoval says, she’d feel differently if it was her and he wrote a song, but it’s okay. He walks off, and Scheana says she thought he’d heard it. In Sandoval’s interview, he says he thought he and Scheana were becoming friends again. Now she’s going to profit off his pain. He’s collateral damage, but she’s got to put her track out. If she cared about things, she wouldn’t do this. He walks past the table on his way out, and says, keep cashing in on his misery.

📲 Now I’ve got to find that song for my playlist.

Next time, Schwartz gets a tattoo and Sandoval passes out; no longer the worst human on earth, Jax pays a visit; and Scheana and Brock are at each other’s throats.

🍼  Slipping Into The Valley…

I’m not liking this show. So far, it’s not the trainwreck Summer House is. There are no frat parties with an agro Lindsay, screaming at her boyfriend of the season, or engagement parties being eclipsed by a former BFF’s bizarre insecurities. This is a different kind of dislike. For one thing, not everyone in the world is interesting. Brittany and Jax are transports from Vanderpump Rules, where Brittany was a novelty and Jax was… well, Jax. There is also transport Kristen, but we’ll get to her. TBH, the rest of the cast names haven’t registered. Because they’re boring. Stepford boring. It’s like high school students playing at suburban life. A lot revolves around kids and marriage, but it’s just not that noteworthy. Ditto the shade. One woman looks up her friends’ houses on Zillow and even knows what they pay in taxes. While that seems a little stalkerish, and personally, I’ve never done that, it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Not to mention, the overblown house prices information on Zillow is all public record anyway.

Then we have Kristen. I’m no fan, but this girl can’t catch a break. I believe she’s sincere in her intention of wanting to mature and change, but good luck when no one will let you forget your VanderPast. Shame on the show itself for including so many flashbacks of Kristen’s bad behavior many years ago. This one is just not working for me.

🔎 No Diggity To See Here…

Come on by tomorrow for soap and gems of entertainment unearthed from the internet. Until then, stay safe, stay not shying away from opportunity, and stay not worrying in advance. That isn’t going to make the worst more or less likely to happen.